#and each audience would have a different definition of it cause the stories it tell won’t apply to anyone

[neptunesenceladus]

thinking about Themes and Motifs and how Tone can be conveyed through the layout of the page

[beevean]

So some recent... discourse put into my mind the concept of "power fantasy", and how people relate to it in different ways. Of course, I'm talking about Hector :P

Is Hector, in the games, a power fantasy? I think the answer is "yes but actually no but actually yes it's complicated".

Let's be honest, first: Hector is a product of his time. He is, in many aspects, Castlevania's response to the wave of edginess that was en vogue in the mid-2000s - I don't compare CoD to ShTH for no reason lol. Hector was always meant to be an anti-hero contrasting the pure heroes the games always starred before him:

—Why did you choose the theme of "revenge" for this game? Iga: Up to now, the Belmonts have been seen as the good guys. I thought it'd be nice to do something other than a moralistic "good triumps over evil" theme sometime. After all, Castlevania has always had an excellent world for telling a "dark hero" story. Alucard would be one such character… though even he is fighting for a just cause: "I've got to stop my Father!" So he's still kind of a good guy. This time, though, I wanted the motivation itself to be impure. So this theme is what I came up with, and then I thought it would be even more interesting if each side was out for revenge on the other.

Hector has "impure" motivations. His quest is completely selfish: while all the other protagonists want to face Dracula (or others in his place) because it's the right thing to do, Hector is just in to kill the man who ruined his life. In fact, he really couldn't care less about the Curse, and multiple times in the game he asks why can't Trevor just deal with the issues he doesn't want to deal with lol. This is in line with other characters of the same caliber, such as Shadow sneering at a city being invaded by aliens until there is something in for him, or Guts who declares that he's willing to let a whole town fall prey to demons, as long as Casca is safe. However, this is not a detriment to Hector's character like it would be nowadays, as he's also very much mean to be "cool": while obviously every protagonist has his cool factor, even going back to Simon in the first games who defeated Dracula all by himself and then had to heroically struggle with the Curse, Hector is cool in that, well, deliciously over-the-top way that was all the rage back then. He can ride wyverns as he slashes them, he can go toe to toe with Trevor himself to the point that even he is impressed, he can forge a gun and an electric guitar, cutscenes show him punching a stone devil with his bare first, he gloats in Dracula's face that he can nullify his Curse... yeah, he's a gigachad lol. The flaws are only meant to make him cooler and not "boring", as paragon heroes were seen at the time.

I, personally, never cared about this part. I'm not the target audience for this kind of power fantasy. Sure, I like that Hector is over-the-top cool and I will always joke about his most outlandish feats, but I'm not so keen on reducing him to those alone. I couldn't even explain why avenging your dead lover counts as part of a power fantasy lol.

This is why I latched on so much on the first half of his story, the one where Hector deals with Dracula, and why I insist that Hector is much more than his admittedly cliché archetype of "angry man on a revenge quest".

Calling Hector "stoic" is not even knowing the meaning of the word. Calling pretty much any CV protagonist "stoic" is factually wrong, as even the more serious ones like Alucard and Shanoa have other depths to them (Alucard is still grieving for his mother and we see it in a nightmare, Shanoa was deliberately made stoic and she subtly longs to feel again), but Hector doesn't even begin to fit the definition of "One who is seemingly indifferent to or unaffected by joy, grief, pleasure, or pain". The whole point of CoD is that Hector was left so emotionally vulnerable by his grief that both Isaac and Zead used him as a puppet. Anger is the complete antithesis of stoicism. "well anger is still a toxically masculine emotion" - memes aside, Hector shows other emotions too, most notably around Julia, the only person with which we see how actually gentle and polite he is when he doesn't have Dracula's influence scrambling his brain. By the way, you cannot ignore the effects of the Curse on both Hector and Isaac when you analyze them, especially the former:

It can't be plainer than this.

And it doesn't come out of nowhere, because not only Julia herself tries to warn Hector that Devil Forgemasters are susceptible to the Curse, he acts vulnerable around her. He apologizes for his unjust outbursts, sympathizes with her plight, is visibly affected by her grief when Isaac dies... sure, it might be all because he's lowkey crushing on her, if you want to see it that way (and I do have my words over the plot point of Julia looking like Rosaly: I would have preferred if the game had more time to show that Hector grew to see Julia as her own person beyond her appearance), but the point is that this behavior highly contrasts with how angry and aggressive he is to everyone else, which the reveal of the Curse recontextualizes.

Also, just saying, while anger can be toxic, the point of these storylines is usually precisely that revenge is bad. Unchecked anger is bad for you, and you shouldn't let yourself fall down that spiral, lest you lose yourself. Isaac got consumed by his own hatred and died as a tool; Hector realized in time that he should snap out of it and survives, also because he was nice to Julia and so she grew to care about him and saved him when he tried to kill himself <- a reaction that is very unmasculine, might I add, as toxic masculinity dictates that men should make other people pay for their pain. bro. bro this is the complete antithesis of "toxic masculinity". Again, this is really not knowing the meaning of the word.

I don't even need to pull examples from the manga, but just for completion's sake:

iunno about you chief, but someone who bursts into tears just because wifey told him that she's happy he was born isn't exactly the portrayal of toxic masculinity to me.

Which makes me segue into the next point!

Hector and Isaac are victims of abuse, and this is another very important angle to understand them. And I'm not just talking about their childhoods, of which we only get hints, although of course it does matter that the two experienced so much hatred and rejection in their youth that Dracula was the better option for them.

We don't see the details, but Dracula affected both of them deeply. He put them in a competitive dynamic, favoring Hector over Isaac: Isaac grew bitter with resentment, which made him double down on his loyalty to Dracula, while Hector only got the appreciation he craved at the price of his very humanity and morals, which weighed on him. The point of this favoritism is not really the core of their rivalry in game, as that one was caused by Hector's betrayal, but it gives a different dimension to the character. It would have been easy to have the mistreated guy the one who decided to turn his back to Dracula, but no, it was the golden child. Isaac was so entrenched in this dynamic that he never broke free, choosing instead to blame Hector and do everything in his power to prove himself to an uncaring Lord, including (in the manga) killing his own underlings so that he would be free to face Hector by himself. From PtR:

"My own body is proof of Your expectations for him" is such a hard-hitting line. Isaac fears that he didn't even disappoint his Lord, because his Lord didn't have expectations for him in the first place. It's Hector the one he's so proud of.

And Hector hates it. By all means, he should be happy to have a home, to be respected and appreciated and free to use his powers. And he used to be!

"Lord Dracula... You once accepted and needed my powers. There was a time when such a thing gave me joy..."

Hector was grateful for his Lord, but he couldn't live anymore in the safety of the castle, if the price was committing indiscriminate murder for the sake of a senseless revenge, going against his morals and being used as a weapon. Hector had to make a choice: keep living under Lord Dracula's protection, but losing his humanity piece by piece, or breaking free and facing the world that hated him, but as a free man?

Hector chose freedom over conditional safety and love. He was ready to die, as long as he died a free man. He put himself first, he turned his back against people who did not truly appreciate him, and despite the mess he left behind it was the right decision. And that's the power fantasy I adore, and that is what makes him a strong character in my opinion. It's the embodiment of achieving self-confidence, the healthy selfishness, the affirmation of the self when everyone else around you only sees you as an object or a prize, the reassurance that even if you fall, you can always get up and try again and become a person you can be proud of.

And Hector, after breaking free, very much acts like a victim of abuse. I spent countless words over how he displays the belief that he needs to do something to earn the right to be loved by Rosaly, unaccepting of the fact that she simply does because, well, he likes him and sees the good in him, and that's it. I wrote a whole analysis on how this belief stems from a sad naiveté on how the world works, because Hector is naive underneath the aloof exterior, and it's not something to make fun of him for, but a tragic result of living under Dracula for so long. I'll also point again to him having breakdowns because he hates himself and sees himself as inherently unlovable.

I could also spend all the words about the parallels about how Hector loves Dracula and how he loves Rosaly:

In both cases, he latches onto the only person who has showed him a modicum of kindness. He wants to give his life for them. The difference being, of course, that Dracula only appreciates Hector for what he does (and I could also go into a whole tangent on how Hector was personally raised by Dracula to be his knight and he has a piece of his essence inside him which parallels how abusive parents see their children as an extension of themselves), while Rosaly for who he is. With Dracula, Hector understands that all the shallow care in the world doesn't matter if he isn't also respected as a person: he still cares about him, in some fashion, but not the point of clinging.

And if Hector is ready to lay down his life for Rosaly because she finally showed him what real love looks like, is it any wonder that seeing her die would spark such a fury in him that it makes him prey to the Curse and to being once again twisted into a tool?

The power fantasy comes from the part where Hector breaks free of the abuse and manipulation - twice over. But he is also relatable, with all of his flaws, weaknesses, and mistakes he makes. The whole point of Hector's journey in the first half of his story is that he feels the need to atone for his sins, and the consequences of his actions all catch up to him in the worst of ways. Ignoring this to reduce Hector to an edgelord who only spends his life angry and then hooks up with a Rosaly replacement (which incidentally also ignores Julia's personality and agency and I might even call as misogynist as the plot point itself) is a huge disservice to the thought and care put into him to make him stand out from his own archetype.

Power fantasies are not inherently bad. Depending on the fantasy, they can be inspirational. Hector is inspirational to me, if that wasn't clear, I see part of me in his circumstances and I admire his arc: it tells you, "you can break free too, you have the strength to do so, and you will find people who will love you without reason". And I just generally speaking find him a very well written character despite stemming from a rather outdated context, because all the details come together to make him fleshed out and tridimensional.

[kumabeom]

anti romantic

chapter 19 : this thing was a masterpiece ‘til you tore it all apart

synopsis : anti romantic, college student choi yeonjun who thinks he’s seen everything in a relationship, promising himself that he won’t go through another relationship ever again to prevent himself from going through another heartbreak. that was until he sees yn, a classmate, chasing his heart. will his walls be enough to scare yn away, or will they continue chasing yeonjun with all they have ?

warnings: cuss words, angst, yeonjun seeming like the bad guy but he’s not :(( i need someone to give jun a hug :(( OH also a mention of committing suicide in one of the tweets..

pink cherry-like leaves fell from the trees, slight spring breeze shaking them off the tree branches, decorating the sidewalk. the sun beginning to set, hiding behind a few clouds, the moon made its presence known. there were certainties in the world: when spring arrived, more flowers bloomed, while others died because they weren’t in season.. when the sun were to rise, the daylight would soon enough lose its shine and be covered the by the moon.

and maybe another certainty, was that you were meant to lose yeonjun.

with everything that yoojung had already tried to do to get the two of you to split up, well it was inevitable. the sad thing was that you were so willing to sacrifice your own mental being to stay with yeonjun, and that wasn’t right. whereas yeonjun was willing to give up his relationship with you to ensure your happiness.. but why was that also not right ? it was the right thing to do, but yeonjun had made such a huge impact in your life that.. well you couldn’t lose him, especially not to yoojung, who had already caused so much harm on his life.

although, you knew. you knew that this little “cheating” scandal was just supposed to act as a way to get you and yeonjun to tussle over it. so if you knew that this was probably apart of yoojung’s whole plan to get you and yeonjun to break up, why did it hurt so much. to be fair, yeonjun’s lips were very much placed on someone else’s.

the boy in the picture was him.

and yoojung just so happened to be the one receiving the kiss.

it hurt. it hurt so badly.

the two of you promised to treat each other so well. to love each other a way that no one else has ever showed the two of you. a love so sweet and powerful that it was bound to stick along forever.

that’s what you planned with yeonjun.

a future so loving and adoring that the only people you would need in your life was each other.

a future where all you needed was to tell each other that you loved one another, and end each day off with cuddles.

so here you were as your head lied on soobin’s shoulder, tiny crystal-like tears escaping your eyes. the tv displaying a random rom-com, but each rom-com came with its unfortunate climax, where the main characters would learn something about the other causing them to call it off.

you never believed life would ever be like a rom-com, after all they were fictional stories that were being told to place hope in its audience or just to get a good giggle out of the viewer. but here you were, planning a movie-like future with yeonjun while facing the many obstacles that it would take to overcome any problems and show yeonjun just how much you truly loved him.

you felt soobin tense up, feeling like maybe it was making you uncomfortable… and it was, but after all you were the one who chose the movie, even after soobin recommended a ton of different action, disney movies.

soobin hated this entire situation, he hated yeonjun.. well maybe he didn’t hate hate him.but he definitely didn’t like him as much as he did before. he for sure did hate yoojung, who was she to try to destroy your relationship. the blame was all on her, she’s the one who cheated on yeonjun so why did you and yeonjun deserve to suffer over an option that she made.

soobin hated one thing the most : seeing you cry.

you were such a warm-hearted person, crying did not look good on you at all. there were times when soobin would come off a bit cold, and you were always volunteering to stay by his side. even a few months ago when beomgyu accidentally rejected soobin, you were there immediately after finding out what happened.

soobin recalled back to his childhood. the way that not all the kids in his neighborhood liked him, specifically because his name was always used as a comparison to the other kids. their mothers always making comments like “you should’ve done better, i heard soobin made a 110.” and while your grades weren’t always perfect, they were close, but even your own mother compared you to soobin, you were always there for him.

soobin remembers one time when he was walking out to get groceries, seeing a bundle of kids in the playground. they were all surrounding you, they continuously attempted to talk behind his back, not knowing that he was right there. however; you happened to shut down each insult, talking about how he isn’t a bad guy, and how it’s rude for them to talk behind his back. he remembers the way that you walked up to him, catching his presence. gifting him your presence to his way to the convenience store. as he asked why you were so adamant on not allowing others to talk bad about him. recalling your words, “well because it’s simply just rude, not only that but you work so hard to get such good grades and it’s not fair that they look down on you just because you do well. you’re not even a bad guy, you’re quite lovely.”

he knew what other kids said about him everyday, even if you tried to cover it up from him. he appreciated the thought. and since then, you two were like peas in a pod. never separating, only having each other to protect yourselves from the cruel, harsh world.

so here he was, his ears catching the noise of a few sniffles that originated from your nose. he leaned forward a bit, not wanting to move you too much. he grabbed a few tissues, passing them onto you. you showed him a soft yet sad smile, trying to hide your sadness.

“yah, don’t try to force yourself to seem happy, let it all out yn.. you deserve that atleast-“

soobin was cut off by a knock at the door, looking over at you. “i’ll get it, soob, don’t worry..” you removed your head off his shoulder, getting up. you slipped on a pair of black slippers that soobin brought.

your legs guided you towards the door. your hand twisting the knob, opening the door only to spot a tense-looking yeonjun.

“h-hey…” you greeted, your body still blocking the path to enter your apartment.

“do you have someone over ?” he asked, taking a peek at his watch, noticing as time passed.

“just soobin..” you mumbled, watching as yeonjun seemed to be in a rush. and in all honestly it hurt you, he couldn’t spare you a bit of time even after such an intense picture was revealed to you and nearly 18 thousand people ?

“oh.. well do you have time to talk, it’ll be quick.” yeonjun questioned. in all honesty he was in pain too, he hated coming off too coldly towards you. after everything that has happened, he just wanted to wrap you in his arms and tell you that it was all going to be okay. he wanted to press small kisses all over your face and tell you that you’re the only one he’s ever wanted. he wanted to tell you about how you changed him, how you made him into such a loving being. but here he was, about to hurt you even more. he hated this. he hated your red swollen eyes, your nose was also red, looking down to your hand seeing the tissue that you grasped. it broke his heart, he didn’t want to ever see you in such a state of vulnerability, you didn’t deserve that.. you only deserved all the happiness in the world.

“umm.. yeah-“

“lets break up.”

you looked at him, wide eyes open. eyes tearing up, your mouth open. before you composed yourself, eyes still shiny with tears, looking at him with still a bit of shock on your face.

“y-yeonjun you’re not being serious, right ? i know that picture wasn’t as it seemed.. it was all yoojung and karina’s doing right ! i don’t hate you over those pictures yeonjun ! i know that it’s all just to get us to brea-“

“yn.. i’m being serious, it was me in those pictures. karina had nothing to do with it, it was just me and yoojung. yn, i just- i don’t love you.” yeonjun tried his best to avoid your eyes, his voice nearly cracking from delivering those words to you.

yeonjun regretted this so much, but it was better for you, it was better for you to stay happy without him. he needed to protect you.. he had no idea what yoojung would do to hurt you.

he continued to avoid your eyes, seeing the way that they were tearing up, he knew you were holding it back. all he wanted to do was to hug you, tell you that it’s all because of yoojung. tell you that it was all because yoojung is threatening your mental being and your relationship. but he couldn’t, he wanted to, but it was best if you hated him, rather than trying to change his mind. he knew that you would rather go through so much pain to stay with him.

soobin got up from the couch, only hearing the last few words that yeonjun said to you. he made his way to the door way, eying yeonjun from head to toe.

“leave.” soobin said, backing you away from the door. he knew he was about to make a few remarks towards yeonjun and he didn’t want you to be there for that. he didn’t want you to see him fighting with the person who you adored for such a long time.

“yah, soobin, this has nothing to do with you.”

“it does, yn is my best friend, and if you’re going to be so fucking rude while breaking up with them, then i’m going to get involved. did you expect me to just stand there while you hurt my friend.. they did their best to make you happy, yn helped you recover from a breakup, and yet here you are.. you’re no different than yoojung. so leave. what is it about cheating that makes the two of you feel so fulfilled ? and you can’t even say that you lacked gaining affection, because yn gave you more than enough of affection..”

yeonjun’s heart crumpled from soobin’s words, ‘you’re no different than yoojung.’ he didn’t like that, he didn’t want to be like yoojung.. he never wanted to be compared to yoojung.

soobin pushed yeonjun’s shoulder with two fingers, ignoring anything that you were saying to him.

“leave and never come back.” soobin yelled, slamming the door shut and locking it. looking over to see your crying figure. pulling you into a hug, his hand on the back of your head, as if you could get any closer. he felt the wet patch growing on his tee. he didn’t mind though, that was the least of his worries. he just wanted you to feel okay.

“don’t listen to anything that he said, i know that i kinda pushed it too far. but.. im sure he did love you, i took a psychology class, remember ? that means i know all about body language..” soobin claimed, hoping to at least get a little giggle out of you. which worked, he felt you laugh against his chest. you pulled away from his embrace, wiping off your tears aggressively.

“lets finish the movie !” you exclaimed, tears still rolling down your face and a pout still visible on your lips. but soobin loved that you were trying your best to recover.

whereas, yeonjun walked through the city, the night sky engulfing him as he walked without a destination. he scanned the crowd, seeing a few familiar faces from his dance students, smiles plastered on their faces. but yeonjun continued walking, not stopping to say hello. his throat felt clogged, and his eyes felt teary, but he was holding it all in. he took a seat on a bench, wired headphones in his ears, attempting to distract him.. but in reality it only made things worse as he could only think of the situation.. he wanted to full on bawl, but he didn’t want to go home to taehyun…

©️kumabeom

taglist : @soobadooba @beoms-sugar @yxnjvnnie @myahfig4 @sato-chan-2709 @grayscorner @run2seob @destairea @lol6sposts @cutesince2000 @forever-in-the-sky2 @soobs-things @soobinsman @mackjestic @ameliabs-world @mochijjunie @hyuneyeon @jakevascaino @jesssssmaybankk

an: bro i literally cried while writing… i was listening to so much sad music to set the atmosphere but bro… don’t listen to sad music while reading this. also someone pls hug junnie he needs it… also yn trying to stay positive near soobin bc they don’t want soobin to know how much they’re hurting… but soobin knows :((( ALSO NING NING SPEAKING THE TRUTH !!

[iguessitsjustme]

Love Sea Ep 1 Thoughts

Okay. I know I said my next liveblog would be She Loves to Cook and She Loves to Eat because it won my poll BUT I decided I’m gonna be liveblogging Love Sea as it airs each week. And I will be liveblogging She Loves to Cook and She Loves to Eat later today. Or at least starting the liveblog. But liveblogging Love is the only way I think I make it through this series. I got my snacks I my got a diet coke. Pray for me watching a MAME show. Keep in mind that I am not a fan of MAME generally (and I have now finished this episode and this show is no exception. Don't get mad at me if you click the read more and don't like what I say). Under the cut as per usual:

I do like water so the water effect and sheer amount of water at the very beginning makes me extremely happy. I want more water forever.

FISH!!!!

“Dive and go get it” is not an appropriate response to dropping a pen in the water. Accept your loss.

DON’T PUSH PEOPLE OFF OF BOATS. DO NOT PUSH PEOPLE OFF OF BOATS. I DO NOT CARE. DO NOT PUSH PEOPLE OFF OF BOATS. HE IS NOT WEARING A LIFE JACKET. HE IS NOT PREPARED TO BE IN THAT WATER AT ALL. DO NOT PUSH PEOPLE OFF OF BOATS.

A nice, tranquil place being called heaven on earth makes sense. Our protagonist showing up and immediately calling it hell on earth because ???? does not make sense. Maybe see more than two feet of it before declaring it to be hell?

Calling someone that speaks a different dialect an idiot when you are on their island…bold. Dumb. And bold.

Do not steal his phone. You’re just an asshole. You’re both assholes. But you pushed a man off of a boat so I hate you more. All the other guy has done is been uppity and snobbish. He hasn’t actively endangered anyone’s life for a laugh.

And now purposefully speaking a dialect he doesn’t understand. Yes, he was an ass about it, but you knew he didn’t understand and did it anyway. And now he has explicitly said he doesn’t understand and you’re rubbing it in his face. You can speak a dialect he knows and understands and you both know you can and yet…

Oh I got it. He behaves like a teenager. But like the kind of teenager that needs a good life resorting. He’s a bully but no one really calls him out for it because he disguises it behind class clown behavior. He needs a swift kick in the pants considering he’s an adult that’s behaving this way.

I dislike how these shows always portray women as incapable of talking about the hotness of these guys. It’s not just BL. Other dramas are just as guilty if not more so. But c’mon. Having women characters does not excuse your portrayal of the other women in the story as only caring about some random dude’s hotness. Mut is hot? Not my taste but I can see why people consider him hot. But I guarantee most women on vacation, while they talk about hot guys, are also doing other things and talking about other things. Like the books they are reading on the beach. And how hot they themselves are. And the next activity they’re doing. They aren’t laser focusing on Mut. Except that the show says they are. Because they have no identities outside of a weak plot device to convince the audience of how hot Mut is. If he was really that hot, this tactic would not be needed. It would be conveyed in the rest of the show.

See how differently it’s framed for the men? Women are the ones interest in Mut, but when it’s for the men, it’s that Mut is open to them. The attraction is his. This is definitely setting the tone for the relationship that’s being built. Cause our other lowkey asshole (I’ll learn his name eventually maybe) is a man. He is not interested in Mut. But he is apparently Mut’s type so Mut will be attracted to him. It’s a different way of taking away agency but here it is on a character level and not removing agency from an entire gender.

They better be delivering this to me I have a feeling I’m gonna need it.

BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA get em

This montage of people interacting with Mut trying to tell us what a good person and community member he is feels like such lazy writing. Incredibly lazy writing. Like makes me angry because despite her faults, I know MAME is capable of better than…that.

DID HE JUST LEFT HIMSELF INTO THE ROOM BECAUSE HE HAS A KEY. ABSOLUTELY THE FUCK NOT.

Romance *gags* aside, this is incredibly poor customer service. He didn’t knock. He didn’t announce he was coming in. I’m hoping it’s not early in the morning and that our lowkey asshole is just sleeping in. He’s cleaning the room and going through not-his-things. HE TOOK PICTURES. Someone call the police. Or call the me. I’ll go kick his ass.

Also also also the fact that he had that key that he was supposed to give to lowkey asshole means that HE SHOULD NOT HAVE USED IT TO ENTER THE ROOM. HE SHOULD NOT HAVE HAD IT.

Okay I need a break. This scene has gone on entirely too long with just the two of them standing on talking. There needs to be some movement on the screen and the tiny amount of body movement is not cutting it. Lowkey asshole should be walking away during this conversation. That would be in character and provide the necessary movement. But as it is…this whole scene feels stale and stagnant. So I’m gonna go make some food. Maybe I’ll be less pissy about this whole scene when I come back.

Okay. I am back but I am not less pissy. Tell me, how did I manage to mess up pasta? Truly is a skill I must say. And I’m not that bad of a cook. I swear but…I digress. Let’s just get back into it *grumbles*

That was the weakest punch I’ve ever seen. And I have weak little noodle arms.

Even the GL part of this is toxic. Miss secretary ma’am. I have an idea. Send her all of the shit on your plate. Email her all of the shit you have to do. In the email tell her what hours you are actually available and if she cannot work with that, then that’s unfortunate but that is her only option.

You don’t call the owner’s secretary to fix a light bulb. You call maintenance. Girl if you don’t grow a spine and tell her no….

I had to mute this damn show because the music is trying to convince me this is romantic and I am not a fool. I have eyes. Also stop using flashbacks of things that happened earlier this episode. This is the first episode. We know what Mut is thinking about when staring at his hand. We were there for that scene five minutes ago.

If someone started reading what I was writing over my shoulder without being explicitly invited to, I would pour hot sauce in their eyes.

This hug makes me mad. I’ll leave it at that.

Okay. It’s time for something I can’t believe I’ve never done before! Rae’s hatred scale. Where I rank the characters on how much I hate them:

Vi - 2/10. Honestly give this girl a raise. She isn’t paid enough to deal with this. I do need her to get a backbone though. C’mon my girl you can do it. You can learn to stand up for yourself. I believe in you.

Rak - 5/10. Look I learned his name! I think. He’s lowkey an asshole but honestly he just wants to be left alone but was sent on this trip that he didn’t ask for and is now being harassed by this guy that he doesn’t like because his “friend” paid for it.

Mook - 10/10. Girl what’s wrong with you? I hope someone slaps you in your face. Learn how to treat people.

Mut - 1000000000/10. DO NOT PUSH PEOPLE OFF OF BOATS.

[vivziepopwhatthehell]

Ep 4 Review

There are mentions of SA in this document. Reader discretion is advised.

Introduction

There’s so many things that I want to say about Hazbin Hotel but for now, I’m only going to keep my thoughts relevant to episode four. It’s the episode that everyone is talking about, after all. I’d love to hear everyone else’s thoughts too. 

The Positives

- I was expecting Blake Roman's voice acting to be subpar, and initially, it fell short of my expectations. The first episode featured what I believe is his weakest voice direction among all the released episodes. However, my initial concerns were proven wrong as the series progressed. In this episode, Blake's performance truly stood out and showcased his considerable talent. He skillfully conveyed emotions that he wasn't given an opportunity to show in the earlier episodes. Despite this improvement, he still faces the challenges with maintaining the Angel Dust accent. Blake Roman would definitely shine if he was given a role that wasn't previously defined by another talented voice actor like Michael Kovach. That being said, I'm really excited to see more from Blake Roman in future episodes.

- Valentino's character is now effectively portrayed with the menacing demeanor befitting his role, a notable departure from his initial appearance in episode two. The shift in his portrayal makes it more evident why Angel Dust fears him. To enhance the impact of Valentino's introduction in this episode, a strategic adjustment in episode two's writing could have been beneficial. Specifically, focusing more on Vox and Alastor, and introducing Valentino through Angel Dust's voicemail instead. This approach would have spared Valentino from the perception of being pathetic and whiny in previous showcases, ensuring a more powerful debut. However, it's worth noting that episode four rectifies this mistake to a significant extent, making the suggestion to rewrite episode two more of a reflection on what could have been done differently rather than a critique of the current narrative.

- The animation is a lot smoother in this episode compared to two and three. The characters are also a lot more expressive and the art is overall pretty to look at. That's my overall opinion on the art direction. The storyboard is great in several areas, too. I loved the visuals when Husk talks about how he signed his contract with Alastor. 

- The beginning of the episode actually had a few jokes that made me laugh.

The Negatives

- Hazbin Hotel has huge pacing problems present in all of the episodes. Because the show only has 23 minutes and 10 episodes to tell its story, a bunch of minor inconveniences need to be escalated unrealistically either to change a scene or develop character relationships (this one is mainly in relation to Charlie and Vaggie). In this episode, Charlie's tiny stumble over a plug must hastily snowball into a fire to justify the subsequent escalation of tension with Valentino. But how does that even start a fire? Charlie could instead accidentally knock over a lit candle on the bedside table in the set. Following this mishap, the employees, who are off exploring Charlie's hotel idea after their conversation during the shoot, are absent when the fire starts, causing it to spread. This change is still stupid, but it maintains the same elements while offering a more believable catalyst for the escalating tension. Another area that could have been improved was the ending, because I feel like Angel Dust forgave Charlie way too easily.

- Hazbin Hotel often relies heavily on exposition dumps and tends to tell rather than show. Husker's dialogue in the beginning of the episode serves as a means to spoon-feed the audience information about each character's struggle, which is a really boring way to storytell. Husker also seems to have such an intimate understanding of every character that he should be the one to run the hotel at this point. I am hoping that we get a Husker and Charlie episode, where Husker tells her to listen to her friends more. Maybe then she’d have a better understanding on how to help them out with their problems.

- Valentino's powers are confusing me. In "Addict," the red smoke from Valentino and Angel Dust's cigarettes, initially symbolic, seems to become literal in episode four. For instance, Valentino uses the smoke to create chains around Angel Dust's throat and pulls him upwards to focus on the contract he signed. The smoke should not have been made a physical entity that can control the characters this way, because now it completely devalues its presence in the music video (even if the music video is no longer canon). 

- Regrettably, the episode has become difficult for me to view objectively due to some storyboard artists openly sharing their personal bedroom preferences. I'm making a concerted effort to distinguish the artists from their work, but it is hard to not view this as just another fuel for fetish. To illustrate, consider the smoke chain scene preceding "Poison," where Valentino employs a chain around Angel's neck to compel him to review the contract. It's notable that Valentino could have achieved the same effect by grabbing Angel's hair, but the inclusion of the chain appears to be a direct reference to the storyboard artist's leash kink.

- There’s too many songs. When the song title leaks came out for Hazbin Hotel, I thought that most of them were just the names of the instrumentals. They are all actually two-four minute length songs. When these songs do come onto the screen, none of them have build-up. The song just randomly starts, and many times, the song replaces moments that are crucial to have dialogue in. Just because you have Broadway stars doesn’t mean that you need to have three songs per episode. Cap it to one to leave a good impression on your audience, because most of these songs left me REALLY bored not even halfway through them. The lyrics and how they are sung are also offensive at times, specifically in “Loser Baby”. 

- Charlie's fixation on the hotel has reached an alarming level of insensitivity in this episode. While the hotel's success remains crucial, her approach comes off as callous and indifferent to the people around her. The episode kicks off with what seems like a thoughtful gesture toward Angel Dust, trying to help him get a day off work. But her motivation is solely to ensure he can continue his daily redeemer exercises at the hotel. Then, when Angel Dust begs her to leave (while sounding completely terrified in the process), Charlie overstays her welcome and actively disrupts the employees during the shoot to advertise her hotel. There’s a time and place, Charlie! In my ideal version of the episode, Charlie remains determined to secure a day off for Angel Dust (just to spend time with him). Charlie doesn’t get to speak to Angel Dust before she proposes the idea to Valentino. Valentino responds nicely to her, but we see a bunch of subtle cues to his anger about Angel Dust trying to “escape” before he glares at Angel Dust and brings him into the other room.

-  Keith David is talented, but his voice for Husker just isn’t doing it for me. Sorry, Keith. It isn’t as rough and gravelly as it should be, but you were obviously just miscast. The same applies to Stephanie Beatriz as Vaggie. 

- A trigger warning is absent from the episode. The warning wouldn't have benefited the narrative in any way, but it would have definitely aided the members of the audience that it is meant to represent.

Conclusion

In my opinion, the episode is overall “okay”. It still suffers a lot of the same problems as the other episodes. Though, episode four does have its own improvements as well. I am hoping that the show continues to get better from here.

Edit: accidentally deleted one of my points before publishing + added a tag.

[eroticwound]

Okay so, I’m still getting through the new season but I need to see if I’m the only one who feels the Claire/Carmy scenes this far are kinda a retcon of last season?

Like, putting stupid shipping discourse to the side, one of the main criticisms of that subplot was that there was too much telling and not enough showing of how their relationship progressed as Carmy avoided the renovation. We saw them drop off the liquor license documents, go to the house party, first kiss, Carmy making dinner for her after talking to Fak about whether Claire is actually his girlfriend, and their love scene. Then there is friends and family, where Carmy is freaking out about everything and he inadvertently tells Claire their relationship was a waste of time (meanwhile Claire just said she loved him, which I don’t doubt)

But, according to the new scenes, they spent a lot of time together seemingly as a couple during those few months, as Carmy was clearly infatuated with her in those moments. So I guess my main confusion is — when the hell did all of this happen? Were those scenes before or after Braciole, because at that point Carmy doesn’t actually think of Claire as his *girlfriend* but obviously likes her a lot. Those new scenes scream “they were fully into each other and with mutual affection for each other” and definitely would’ve made me more convinced of their connection — rather than be told by every other character in the Berzatto clan all throughout s2 about how great Claire is for him. Because I never actually *saw* the effect she had on him — we only see it now that Carmy has pushed her away.

So far Claire is haunting the narrative (Carmy), sorta like Mikey in s1. But all of this new info has only made me more confused about the timeline of events and the significance of this romance subplot, rather than provide clarity for why an ongoing conflict is occurring.

i mean, carmy was said to be unfocused and away from the renovation, and that was because he was with claire. everyone says this. syd is especially annoyed by it, because carmy can't spare enough of his attention for the bear, and things are getting dropped. to your point, most of this happens off-camera, but that ep where he fucks off with claire to the post office and the party very much illustrates that.

the thing about the bear is that the first season carmy was solidly our main character, and then second season transitions into more of an ensemble show. there are some incredible pluses because of this, like an entire episode with marcus in copenhagen or richie staging at ever (tho i have issues with forks). however, by dedicating more screen time to fleshing out our ensemble, the show has to dedicate less time to carmy's plots.

and claire as a character and her relationship with carmy are the biggest casualties of this. a really clear example of this is when we follow syd during her food crawl in sundae, instead of sticking with carmy who ditches syd to help claire’s uncle(?) move. i'm sure a scene where we see carmy help claire would have done a lot of work to flesh out her character and their relationship more. but the writers had different priorities, and i am so happy they went with syd on her food crawl instead. that was some great syd character work, and a beautiful ep in general.

claire is not involved with the restaurant, but she's thee focus of carmy's arc second season. there isn't any cause for her to be at the restaurant, and they don't spare any scenes for claire to interact with our ensemble of characters. they only way they can include her in these scenes is to have characters talk about her.

now, how this translates for claire is that she felt very two dimensional, because she only exists in the story in relation to carmy and their (tepid, imo) love story, where they are mostly talking about him or the restaurant. it feels like she spontaneously spawned into the story, and all the characters know of her, but the audience isn't shown how they know her. we have to be told. repeatedly.

as for your timeline question, i think carmy was spending a loooot of time with claire from sundae onward. i think carm was confused about claire being his girlfriend before bolognese (assuming you meant bolognese s2e8, not braciole s1e8) because he's never had a gf before. he’s basically been a food monk most of his adult life (not to say he’s never fucked… tho i am personally in the carm is ace camp). he doesn’t understand the nuance. both the feelings and experience are exciting and bright (and so scary). it’s all new for him!

so the carmy/claire scenes this season did not feel like retconning to me. they really felt like more of the same. which was still bad, imo.

and ugggghhhhhhhh this explicit haunting theme this season felt.. like way too on the nose. like everything with claire, they have to make it obnoxiously explicit because there’s not enough time to flesh it out in a satisfying way. like did they ever have to tell us mikey was haunting everyone in season 1? no! they showed us that. but like their shoehorned love story s2, they have to keep telling the audience directly.

[kakirokero]

They’re Many Things.

I find myself constantly comparing some elements of this season of The Mandalorian to The X-Files, which might be a bit odd, I know, and trust me you don’t want me to go into details about that lol.

But one thing I’m often reminded of these days is the varied perception of Mulder and Scully’s partnership.

Now, if you’d ask most xf fans how they’d define their relationship, especially from s1 to s6, they wouldn’t tell you it’s either platonic or romantic, that it’s just one thing but not the other, but instead they’d tell you – it’s many things (not even just the two options).

Each perception is relevant to the full narrative that delivers one big, complex picture of what they are.

But if one is taken away, or if one is singled out— the view would be incomplete.

And this incomplete prescription also affects the general understanding of the series as a whole.

But how is this specific aspect relevant to Bo and Din?

Their similarly purpose-driven partnership & complex dynamic could’ve been easily made into much much more definitive and clear labels throughout the season— but it wasn’t.

Why? Because it serves the narrative. The vagueness and varied possibilities are part of the story; to wonder for example weather Din has followed Bo from the very start because he believed in their shared cause or because her character has affected him in a different way,

or to ask if Bo defended Din in front of the other Mandalorians so intensely because she’s a true leader or because she formed a close connection to him,

to even think why these two opposite characters have such a strong influence on each other– is all meant to be questioned, but isn’t going to be answered in one fixed way. Not by the audience, or the narrative itself.

‘Cause it’s not supposed to be.

Just as their individual characters are very layered, so is the relationship. Adding more layers doesn't change what it essentially is.

So what I’m trying to say is,

You really don’t need to label it.

&Enjoy their story as a whole. It’s really great.

[chasingshadowsblog]

Review: Little Fish - Something For Your Mind

Title: Little Fish Directed by: Chad Hartigan Written by: Mattson Tomlin, Aja Gabel Cast: Olivia Cooke, Jack O'Connell Year: 2021

As a memory-loss virus spreads across the world, Emma and Jude fight to hold on to their memories and love for each other. Similar to another British-made dystopian feature, The End We Start From, Little Fish offers glimpses of the end of the world in its nascence, but chooses to focus on its main characters and their determinaton to quietly battle their impending doom and retain as much of their lives as possible while the world falls apart around them. The low-sci-fi setting of a world on the verge of collapse allows the audience and the filmmakers to explore familiar concepts - dementia and its impact on loved ones - from a very original perspective, resulting in a beautifully depicted relationship and its tragic fallout.

As Emma and Jude, Olivia Cooke and Jack O'Connell are truly wonderful but working with a script that doesn't always live up to their capabilities. Emma delivers exposition and narrates their experiences in a matter-of-fact voice-over that is jarring against the film's otherwise moody atmosphere. The out of sequence story-telling works effectively but never tries to deceive the audience into believing one thing or another. We have all the info we need to keep track of Jude and Emma's relationship and catch the slips as memories become hazy and scrambled.

The film is lucky to have such talented leads as it's the execution of Emma and Jude's relationship that makes Little Fish such a good film; it's the sometimes indulgent pacing and heavy narration that stop it from being a great one. It is a good thing, then, that the story itself and the chemistry between O'Connell and Cooke are so compelling. While the indulgent pace occassionally tests patience, the film's poignant final scenes leave the viewer satisfied and shaken and feeling as if we've just witnessed something special. For the most part, we have.

Other bits:

I really hope I don't sound overly derisive because it is a film worth watching

If you're a fan of either Olivia Cooke or Jack O'Connell (both of whom I would like to see more of in general) then it is definitely worth the watch

And I do think The End We Start From is a good companion piece for it

I didn't want to be overly critical in the review so as not to put people off, but I had more dialogue issues where sometimes I felt the language was a bit contrived but, again, saved by Cooke and O'Connell

Spoilers ahead!

While my overall feelings about the film are that it's good but not great, Emma and Jude's story really has stuck with me and I've enjoyed thinking about all of the hints that were dropped throughout

Jude says that the first time they meet is at a waterpark and Emma doesn't correct him, but that is an obvious enough clue for us to catch that we don't feel deceived by the ending

also, it being from Emma's perspective means that nobody is catching her memory losses and slips in the way that she is catching Jude's

the stress of Jude forgetting her finally and totally causes Emma to snap and forget at a much faster pace than Jude ever did (I believe Emma refers to the different ways that people react to the virus early in the movie - fading vs snap)

the woman panicking on the boat showing how such a person might experience their sudden memory loss

Emma speaks early in the movie about how maybe things are so bad in the world that people are forgetting things as a defense mechanism, and maybe that is what happened to her at the end, losing Jude was so painful she just forgot she ever knew him maybe

the final scene on the beach leaves the impression that Jude and Emma are so intertwined or meant to be with each other that even if they forget each other and have to 'meet' all over again, at the very least they will continue to form a connection

they could be meeting for the third time for all we know

(I'm separating this final note for emphasis)

the moment Jude frowns, lowers the camera and hands it back to Emma on the beach is so heart-breaking and well-acted by Jack O'Connell!

and then that very final moment of all the lights turning off around them was stunning and so effective

[okthatsgreat]

For the headcanon thing, I'm specifically asking you for a Celeste headcanon on behalf of that person who didn't get Celeste headcanon. Checkmate, Lee - rotate Taeko Yasuhiro in your mind until the headcanons manifest. 😎👉👉

UR KIDDINNGGGGG oh god. ok concentrating concentrating

headcanon a (realistic): do not bring her to board game night if you were planning on winning or having fun. she takes every single game so seriously and kicks ass every single time. she becomes a millionare in monopoly and nobody was aware that was even possible. shes even good at quiplash because she memorises the stupid jokes that her classmates keep repeating day after day and puts that into the text box each time. of COURSE her classmates are going to pick the answer that says "freeby fazber" why WOULDN'T they

headcanon b (may not be realistic but it is hilarious): see the thing about celeste is it is truly impossible to tell what parts of her story are real and what are complete lies .. i think she lives an extremely average life outside of being "celestia ludenburg" and that is why she created this false persona in the first place. born to a working class family definitely went through it a bit when she was younger but was able to garner quite a bit of notoriety and wealth from gambling to get her own place-- but definitely not enough to live in luxury. enough to get her out of poverty but not enough to avoid living paycheck to paycheck yknow. the REAL headcanon i have is that every single time she brings one of her classmates back to her home she rents out a different spot each time just to keep them on their toes. eventually she lets one of them (idk sayaka maybe) finally enter her actual house and its this one bedroom apartment with no air conditioner and a bunch of gothic lolita posters everywhere and sayaka genuinely thinks shes being pranked until celeste is like "no im being serious. youve signed a non disclosure agreement btw this information will not be leaving this room"

headcanon c (heart-crushing and awful, but fun to inflict on friends): i dont think even celeste is aware of what her true personality is anymore. i really do like to believe that there are parts of it that are still left over, most of which is fuelling this deeply rooted imposter syndrome she certainly tries not to dwell on, but by all means her desire to seperate herself from taeko yasuhiro has caused her to practically forget who she once was. telling celeste to "stop lying" is much easier said than done, and i think it'll take years before she could ever reach the point where she is truly authentic and "herself". and even then celestia ludenburg will certainly still remain in a lot of her actions and speech patterns. she wont just wake up one day and suddenly be vulnerable and fragile and guilty, it's gonna take her a loooooooong while to adjust

headcanon d (unrealistic, but i will disregard canon about it): i think she's a bit geekier than she lets on GHFDKG its that small bit of taeko thats still there......... she would never admit it in a million years but sometimes, SOMETIMES, shes able to listen in on hifumis ramblings and go "oh i remember that show. his opinion about this character is totally wrong. oh well time to add that to the list of things i do not like about that man." oooooooo also fun fact whenever i write celestia in my "danganronpa is a reality tv show thats been going on for ages" aus i always always write her as a character that adapts with the changing trends. same with ibuki!! her aesthetic adapts over the years towards what is more recognisable with the target audience at the time, and while it definitely isn't as noticeable as ibuki's style swap there are certainly a LOT of wild changes team dr tries to throw at her before quickly reverting her style back and pretending it never happened ghfjdksgk

headcanon ask game!! :)

[one-britt-to-rule-them-all]

Just me rambling about my fanfic projects

(I didn't really proofread, I'm sorry.)

Listen, I know nobody's really gonna give a fuck, but screw it, I need to word vomit a bit.

I've posted on another platform about how I've been writing some Twisted Wonderland fics behind the scenes – three of them, to be exact. I haven't published them because I've been enjoying writing and indulging in this hobby in a stress-free manner, because I sometimes feel overwhelmed when having to cater to an audience, which incidentally takes the fun out of writing for me and causes me to block or burn out easily.

Doing this has really been making me happy, and I'm on the fence about publishing the fics. I probably will at some point; it would be a waste to not share the works. Plus, they're already written in a reader insert format, so it's not like I'd have to change much about the stories to cater them to my typical audience. I think I'd publish them only when I'm nearing their completion or when I have a lot – and I mean a lot – of chapters done. That way, I can set a consistent upload schedule.

But regardless of what I end up doing, I'd like to share the basics of the three books I've been working on! So continue reading if you're interested! ~

I'd like to give a preemptive warning that the second story I talk about is heavily NSFW-based. So, if you're uncomfortable with that, then skip over to #3.

Another thing: the reader is referred to with she/her pronouns throughout the explanations, though if published, they might be changed to GN, but I'm not really sure yet.

#1

So, the first book I want to talk about is called 'The Devil's Wonderland.'

This story is definitely inspired by some elements of Obey Me, though you don't need to have played Obey Me to understand what's going on because although it's inspired, it's not a crossover and the OM characters are never mentioned. 

This book does follow Twisted Wonderland's main story, though, with some artistic liberty taken to make it more unique to me and my story-telling. The reader is the highly-respected and somewhat feared demon lord of the Nether Realm (hell) and runs an institution where demons of all ages learn various things about the Nether Realm and important skills to have as a demon. The idea of the institution was first brought forth by the previous demon lord, her father, but the reader is the one to have actually gone through with it. Much like the Twisted Wonderland side of things, the institution has seven dorms with one demon at the head of each of them, and each dorm is based on one of the seven deadly sins. The dorm heads are personally very close to the reader in one way or another, and all come from different social standings of demon hierarchy. 

Her office has a mirror that allows her to look into different universes and realms, as well as travel to said universes, which is where the reader learns of Twisted Wonderland, a Realm she finds absolutely enchanting and fascinating and was contemplating taking a vacation there. However, when one of the freshmen, a mischievous cambion who has already earned himself the reputation of being troubled, gets called into the office, he goes into the mirror and Twisted Wonderland. So, with her trusty right-hand demon man at her side, they go into the mirror, where they are transported into Twisted Wonderland at NRC. They end up using humanoid disguises with magic to not draw much attention to themselves — they're unaware of what constitutes normal for the world — and originally have a mission to retrieve the troubled student and bring him back to the Nether, but they get dragged into the mess of the prologue of the main game. The thing is, the reader realizes that she likes being in Twisted Wonderland because of the way she's being treated. She's not being treated with fear and superiority. People aren't sucking up to her or blindly following and adoring her for her status because the NRC men don't know that this is the literal queen of hell.

She likes it. She likes being just another person. Hell, she gets excited when people outright disrespect her because nobody would ever dare say their true thoughts to her back in the Nether. So, she wants to stay in Twisted Wonderland to experience a semblance of normality, though she still has to flip-flop between realms because she has duties back in the Nether, so she's living this double life. Much to the chagrin of her right-hand man.

To make the story more unique to me, I've implemented a lot of elements of the original universe I've been building for myself and OCs, and there a few of OCs that will be added to add a little something! 

I'd like to briefly introduce these OCs to you. Please note that all the artwork that I'm about to show you have not been made by me. They are all paid commissions of my characters, directly taken from my ToyHouse account. I'd also like to apologize for the poorly-done collages of the images. I tied to condense things as much as possible.

Obviously I won't be revealing too much info on them as I don't want to spoil things should the books come to the public, but I want to share a few tidbits!

Starting off with my personal favourite and one of the most relevant characters, meet Alastair:

Al is the right-hand man and butler to the reader. His loyalty to her knows no bounds, and he's almost always seen with her. They actually have a very close relationship and respect each other as way more than just business partners, instead seeing each other as very close friends. Alastair is an absolute badass in his own way and possibly my favourite character. I'd even go as far as to say that he's my favourite of ALL of my OCs. I've just grown super attached to this dude and can't wait to show him off in story.

Next, we have Luka:

Luka is the cambion that got Alastair and the reader in the mess in the first place. Being half demon and half human, he struggles with his identity as he's unsure of where he fits in best. He faces prejudice in the human community for being unpure (racism is actually a big thing in my universe regarding human views on non-humans) and the demon community often reject cambions for being 'not demon enough'. Luka gets a lot of character development throughout the story, and his relationship with Alastair is pretty comical, and the relationship he grows with the reader is so wholesome to the point where I'm debating not making Luka a love interest because I feel like they have a very familial bond.

So, Luka and Alastair are the main OCs and the ones that are seen the most. The other OCs get introduced slowly but surely and are less present — though they still hold weight — so I will rapid-fire them at you.

So, let's get into the seven dorm heads of the demon institution!

First, we have Melchom:

Melchom is the dorm head of the Superbia dorm, which is centred around the sin of pride. He is a noble who is very well-acquainted with the reader and her family, being a childhood friend of hers. They were brought up with the intent of wedded to one another, but that didn't happen for reasons I'm not spoiling. With striking good looks, great power, a high rank in demon society and the sheer confidence he exhibits, Mel is definitely one of the more popular and admired demons at the institution, seemingly being perfect in every sense of the word.  

Next is Lucius:

Lucius runs Avaritia, the dorm based around the sin of greed. Although neither a noble nor anywhere near royalty, Lucius is a pretty successful business demon. He's incredibly skilled in business affairs and has made a name for himself in both the Nether and human realms, but is his money all from honest, hard work? Probably not. But he sure is good at convincing others that it is. He's a demon, give the shady man a break!

We move on over to Jinn!

Jinn is at the top of the Invidia dorm, which is based on envy. Out of all the dorm heads, Jinn is the most difficult with which to get along. Deep-rooted insecurities manifest as envy towards his comrades for one way or another, making it difficult to form a genuine bond. 

Next is the duo of Gael and Aziel:

Leading the Ira dorm, based on wrath, are Gael and Aziel. Gael is the only human that currently inhabits the Nether Realm, and he shares his body with a demon named Aziel. The reasons as to why Aziel is possessing Gael are redacted for the time being as I don't want to spoil, but much like a Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde thing, Gael and Aziel are completely different in terms of personality, and Aziel can take over Gael's body.

Next, we have Ezekiel, or just Zeke for short:

The Luxuria dorm is based on the sin of lust, and Zeke is the one who runs it. Zeke is a super open, chill and fun-loving guy who is all about self-expression and will absolutely shame kink and slut-shamers. He's allergic to wearing proper shirts, but if he must, he will. He also runs various clubs at the institution, including a dance club and a yoga club.

Next is Iblis:

At the top of the Gula dorm, home of gluttony, is Iblis. Iblis is an absolute sweetheart and cinnamon roll, whose tail and butt will do little waggles when food is involved. Despite constantly eating, he's rather fit due to gluttony demons essentially being bottomless voids, nearly immediately burning up anything they consume. And yes, his tail is as warm and squishy as it looks, and he's all for letting people use it as a weighted blanket. Once a human, reincarnated as a demon after death, one really wonders what the hell this guy has done to wind up in hell, he's such a sweetie... ~

For the last dorm head, we have Izzin:

The last dorm, representing sloth, is Acedia, which is run by Izzin. Much like, Iblis, Izzin was also once human and turned into a demon after death. Being a sloth demon, Izzin is forced into a perpetual state of sleepiness and because of that, he's the most uninvolved of all the dorm heads. Make no mistake, even in sleep, he's somehow perfectly aware of what's going on around him. He hears all, don't test him. Though when he's awake and aware, he's amongst the more mischievous and scheming of the dorm heads and often gets involved in Lucius' scams- I mean business.

There's one last character I want to show, and that's the reader. Now, in and of itself, the reader is not given a set appearance. The skin colour, body type, hair colour and style, eye colour, etc. remain ambiguous so that the reader can insert themself or their OC. Plus, this is made to be my sona as the MC of the story, but I still wanted to show! This is more to show what I have in mind with the outfit, crown, wings and horns when in demon form.

OKAY. Moving on to the next book!

#2

The next book is... something. It's called 'She's a Monster.'

Let me explain this book's existence with a simple conversation between my friend and I.

Friend: Hey, Britt! You know how everybody writes fics where the reader is a monster fucker?

Me: ... yeah?

Friend: Well, hear me out... what if the reader is the one who's a monster, and the guys are the ones who are monster fuckers??

Me: ...

Me: *Opens Google Docs.* Say no more.

So... this book is a collect-all-the-men reverse-harem-porn-with-plot... thing.

To make this simple, it's Twisted Wonderland, but the reader is a big, strong, naga woman that brings out the monster fucker in the NRC men. There's the plot that follows TW and my added plot lines, but there's a lot of sex and kink exploration.

My portrayal of nagas is not accurate to our real-world legends. My portrayal of nagas is purely driven by my original universe and narrative, so keep that in mind!

The gyst is that the reader is a naga — half human, half snake monster — a rare creature on the brink of extinction in Twisted Wonderland. The reader has been living completely isolated in the depths of a forest near the Dwarf Mines. She's rather lonely and craves having a clutch — what nagas use to refer to their group of mates — so when she sees Yuu, Ace, Deuce and Grim adventure into the mines, she's compelled to help them out a bit and interact.

Now, in this story, nagas are rare and almost extinct, so while it's not normal for her species, the reader is willing to get with humans and humanoids because she's a little desperate. Here's the thing: nagas have a weird male-to-female ratio, with females being much rarer than males, where there's only about a single female for every nine males, so it isn't uncommon for females to have multiple partners, and this instinct is still very present, and so that is why the reader is compelled to get with multiple guys. However, despite this, female nagas are very respectful and gentle with their partners and love them all equally.

The reader in this can shift between her proper, monstrous form and a more humanoid form where she has legs, though she's not fond of being in that form as she gets sore from containing her monster form. So, there are scenes where the men fuck the reader in her human form and some scenes where it's human on monster.

The reader is portrayed as a switch in the book, but there's a focus on her being dominant. I'm just tired of always writing submissive readers, so I'm trying something different. Plus, female nagas, in this interpretation, are typically larger, stronger and more dominant than the males.

Also... the reader has both female and male anatomy. I primarily work with female anatomy in the story, but when in her full monster form, the reader can sheathe and unsheathe two dicks, so there are some scenes where the dudes get dicked down.

There's some genuine fluff and emotional connections made, it's not all smut, and there are definitely some comedic moments, especially with the reader just... not understanding everyday slang, technology and human things in general.

So yeah, this one is definitely sexually charged and not for the sexually squeamish.

I'd like to give a visual reference of my OC that I've used to base the reader off. Again, keep in mind that my showing you these images is only to give you an idea of the physical traits the reader has in her monster form. Her skin/scale colour, hairstyle and hair colour, body type and shape, eye colour, etc, are all for you to pick. The basic appearance of the reader's insert is their choice, but this is a template for you to know what I have in mind when writing in terms of physical traits. The reader's 'colour palette' while in her monster form isn't mentioned, so feel free to think of her as the colour of your choice. Doesn't have to be purple and gold.

Her name's usually Lilith in my universe, but she's (Y/N) here, obviously! I have some more art of her, but the images are... very NSFW. So, I'm not showing.

Onto the last book!

#3

The last book is called 'Monsters & Magic.'

I don't have a cover for this one yet, but here's a commission that's in progress that I should get this week. There's gonna be a nice background of NRC's courtyard!

POKÉMON X TWISTED WONDERLAND CROSSOVER!!!

Okay, so this book is a little different... it's kind of a CYOA? 

Also, you don't NEED to be a pokémon expert to read this, but it definitely helps.

Basically, the reader is a champion-level and gets yeeted into the world of Twisted Wonderland thanks to Arceus. Basic stuff. But here's where it gets a little different: the book has three prologue chapters, and in the third prologue chapter, the reader stands in front of the mirror, and the story branches. There are seven branches for the seven dorms, and the reader will be placed in one of the dorms, and you choose which paths you want to read. So there are basically seven stories in one.

I decided to do this because I wanted to follow the stories of Twisted Wonderland, but I wanted the reader to experience the events of every dorm from the perspective of someone who's in that dorm. I wanted to write a bit more of an inside view of the dorm dramas and characters, with added plot lines and scenes made by me, of course. This is also a good way to give more depth to some characters I feel got screwed over by the writers. Leona, my love, I'm looking at you.

The reader also changes depending on the dorm she's in. Her personality and backstory are different, her pokémon team is different, etc. This is for variety because I don't want to write the same character over and over again but in a different setting.

The reader is from a different region for every dorm and has experienced the events of the main games associated with that region, plus more. The thing is, there are nine main regions and only seven dorms, so I can't honor them all. Plus, if you count Hisui, Orre, Fiore, Almia and Oblivia, there are even more regions.

Since I wanted to involve as many of the regions as possible, I fused some of them together, so here's what I got:

Heartslabyul: Paldea + Galar

Savanaclaw: Sinnoh

Octavinelle: Hoenn + Alola

Scarabia: Orre

Pomefiore: Kalos

Ignihyde: Kanto + Johto

Diasomnia: Unova

Because Hisui is basically old Sinnoh, I decided to not include it at all, but there are some nods and references to Legends Arceus, notably in the prologue of the book where Arceus brings the reader to Twisted Wonderland, and how pokémon are portrayed to be, as they are, wild creatures that can be extremely dangerous when not tamed.

Fiore, Almia and Oblivia... as much as I love the ranger games, I decided to not include them. Mostly because I haven't plsyed the games in so long that I don't remember them that much, but also because I wabted the reader's history to be more trainer-oriented.

Orre is included becasue I'm a sucker for the GC games, but also because I think the story and atmosphere based on those regions is great, and I'd love to incorporate it!

----

All in all, I'm having so much fun writing these books, and if I ever release them to the public, I hope y'all will enjoy them as well! 

Welp, thank you for coming to my TED talk! See ya!

[ffl-johnmark-au]

TW: Homophobia, SA, sexism, age gap, death.

Ships??? Well...

JohnMark: The main characters, of course. They met in NCIT, when Johnny started working there as an English teacher after a few years since he lost his piano abilities —and his husband, who abruptly passed away—. Mark is a student, so they had not many significant interactions until Johnny became the Music Club teacher, where Mark is an acknowledged member. There is another tragic event that makes them come absentmindedly closer to each other. Little by little, they become friends and later, dubious feelings twist things between them. Johnny was 32 years old when he (really) met Mark, and Mark was 23.

JohnYong: They had the sweetest and happiest marriage in life. They met in college. Johnny had constant confrontations with his parents about his future and his true self, and Taeyong was a lifesaver for him and his inspiration to make his dreams come true. Not only Taeyong but his entire family made Johnny feel like he was finally at home. When Johnny announced that he was marrying Taeyong, he was despised and practically thrown out of his own family, but Taeyong and all his surroundings received him with all of the love he could never imagined. Unfortunately, Johnny and Taeyong's story, which started kind of early in time, ended in the same way when Taeyong had a cardiac arrest that took his life in 2015, when they both were 25 years old, only 2 years after their wedding.

Mark × Yoorim: They met when Mark's mother chose her as the perfect partner for his son, as he was too ‘shy and insecure’ about hanging out with someone. Mark really felt a kind of affection towards her, but Yoorim started treating him like a puppet, and he couldn't do anything about it. He was afraid to disappoint his mother telling her he was not interesed in Yoorim —or in any girl—, he tried to convince himself about his ‘male strength’ and ‘natural dominance’, just like his mother always taught him. Unfortunately, he didn't realized the seriousness of the matter until he suffered an attempted r*pe by his own girlfriend, who drugged him in an unknown bar. From that moment on, Mark only thought about how to end that relationship, although it caused him too many problems. Yoorim is 3 years older than Mark.

Donghyuck × Sungchan: Donghyuck had a crush at first sight with Sungchan, when he met him in the first class of the Music Club new semester. However, Donghyuck's recklessness is just a nope for Sungchan, who is very focused on succeeding and doing better than everyone else. Although at first he has a strong crush, over time Donghyuck realizes that Sungchan is not the type of person he needs by his side, plus he hates his best friend, Mark. Nevertheless, the opposite happens to Sungchan, who ends up falling for Donghyuck's charms and determination without even noticing. Donghyuck is 22 years old, while Sungchan is 21.

DoHyuck: Donghyuck just hates Dongyoung so much he doesn't even bother to pronounce his name correctly, giving him what would later become his official alias, ‘Doyoung’. Their relationship just starts very badly, because Donghyuck does not tolerate Doyoung's excessively formal and 'slubby' personality, and Doyoung hates how shameless and rude Donghyuck is. They are the definition of opposite poles, and it is what ends up pairing them in different activities. Donghyuck eventually finds out why Doyoung always acts so cautiously, and Doyoung ends up meeting new facets of Donghyuck. Doyoung is 4 years older than Donghyuck.

XiuYeol: They officially met in the ‘Lovingly, yours FEST’, a Valentine's Day music festival which invited Chanyeol's band, KING, to have a special performance. Minseok was part of the audience that night, as he went to the event with his younger brother and some friends. Chanyeol saw him in the crowds, Minseok's face was so familiar and yet so stunning that he couldn't help but staring at him while singing. Being respectively Johnny's friend and Mark's brother, it was about time to them to meet and get to know each other better, which would result in a slow-burn romance, as Minseok has commitment issues due to past experiences and low self-esteem. Also, Johnny and Mark's relationship does not have Minseok's approval, which leads to tense moments and arguments. Minseok is 32 years old, Chanyeol is 33.

ChenNing: They are good friends, but Chenle has developed feelings towards Yizhuo (aka ‘Yiyi’) and is constantly trying to send her some signals about that. Yiyi just seems unaware about her friend's romantic interest on her, but their relationship slowly grows deeper and stronger, until Chenle reaches the right moment to confess and gives their friendship a happy ending, so both of them give their romance an exciting start. Chenle is 22 years old, while Yizhuo is 20.

Ten × Solar: They met in college days, Ten was a Physicomathematics student and Yongsun a Business Administration student. She was on an academic exchange in Thailand. They fell in love so fast, but their relationship didn't go well from the very beginning. However, his marriage was arranged by Yongsun's family, who promised Ten a life full of luxuries and money that he could use to help his parents, who were in a precarious situation and yet, they made the effort to pay for such an expensive professional career. Ten accepted, thinking that things would be better for everyone. They got married as soon as they graduated and flew to South Korea, where they began their life as a couple. Sadly, this life was not a dream at all, since the strong and explosive personalities of both made a hell out of their coexistence. In the remaining crumbs of their marriage, something still brought them together, something beyond money and appearance, and they have a long way to go to discover what that is. They are 28 years old.

Suhyun × Dongwook: Mostly of the information about this couple is provided by Suhyun in conversations she has with Johnny, but their relationship is just known to be perfect and healthy. In some point of the story, they get married and have a beautiful wedding. Suhyun is 26 years old, Dongwook is 34.

YunGi: As the previous one, this is a background couple formed by Yunho and Mingi, and almost all the knowledge about it is provided by Yunho. He is just so in love with his boyfriend, who is very supportive towards Yunho's dreams and goals.

Only mentioned/implied: Jaemin × Jisung, Lisa × Rosé, Sehun × Suho.

[romanceyourdemons]

the big parade (1986), one of chen kaige’s earliest films, is an interesting piece. it does not tell a sweeping historical narrative that explores the role of women and femininity in chinese history and society, the way that yellow earth (1984) and farewell my concubine (1993) and temptress moon (1997) do. instead, it takes on the most quintessentially masculine space—the military—through the lens of the event that most quintessentially encapsulates collectivism and the subsumption of the individual into a greater cause, the mainstay of propaganda from both sides of the pacific, the chinese military parade. the film depicts a group of soldiers training for the eponymous parade, and, through the mount of one of its characters, the stubborn and eloquent lü chun, argues that the parade is antiquated, barbaric, and represents an antithesis to the modern and fulfilling individualism. and yet the narrative complicates the picture. the parade itself remains arbitrary. however, through the process of training for the parade, the characters and audience form one-on-one connections with the various vividly portrayed characters, to each of whom the parade represents something different and deeply personal. to one, participating in the parade is an expression of filial piety and a way to process grief; for another, it is his last chance to have something to show for a long and gloryless military career; for some it is a chance to prove themselves worthy of marriage while for others it is a way to prove that their breakup was worth it, and many more reasons; each individual’s experience is so vividly portrayed that, as the final minutes of the film linger on the countless near-identical faces of the parade, one cannot help wonder how many stories are contained within every shot. zhang yimou’s cinematography is, in my opinion, the best part of an already-excellent film. bodies and their physical presence are the central axis of the film. zhang frequently cuts heads off of bodies or bodies off of heads with the frame in order to defamiliarize the shapes. in scenes where the soldiers rehearse the parade, a well-ordered lineal focus turns their bodies into architecture. in scenes where they socialize in the barracks, the chaos of constantly moving flesh makes their bodies look like a natural landscape, and zhang frequently keeps an unrelated body in the foreground of conversations so that the audience does not forget the context of the individual. this context is one of pure and intense camaraderie, with the full experience of Being In The Military unwrinkled by the physical and ideological horrors of being in a war. the resulting discussions of the individual and the collective, of discipline and camaraderie, of the connections men want to form with women and the ones they form with each other, are very interesting, and i would definitely recommend the big parade (1986) as a significant entry in chen kaige’s filmography

[the-yuri-librarian]

Review of Citrus by Saburouta

I am still relatively new to reading yuri/girls love, but I think I know enough to know that Citrus is a pretty popular series. And, since I just read Citrus, I figured I would post a review for it. Spoilers below the cut

So for the first half of this review, I am setting two very large elephants outside of the room -- we'll let them back in later but pretend they're not there for now.

Summary: Citrus is a story of two high school girls (Yuzu and Mei) who suddenly and inextricably find themselves living together for reasons I can't mention yet (ignore the elephant crying at the door). Very quickly at the start of the story, Yuzu, our protagonist and a self-proclaimed gyaru, begins to develop feelings for Mei, the student council president, who is also a stickler for the rules. The rest of the story is focused on Yuzu's pursuit of Mei, their eventual romance, and the obstacles that hinders that romance.

The Good: One of the factors that carried Citrus the most for me was the art. Sabruouta is an excellent artist, and it really shows here. They also have an impeccable sense of character design, with each of the characters having very unique designs that set them apart with each other, while also being incredibly realistic for high school girls, which I appreciate. In particular, the designs of Yuzu and Mei contrast against each other really excellently, drawing attention to their similarities and differences well. Speaking of our duo, I thought they had excellent chemistry (don't think about the elephants) and were overall a strong pairing. Their conflicts and faults felt organic (for the most part), and it really helped me get absorbed into their story. There were definitely moments where it was predictable, but I think that speaks more on how much Citrus has impacted Girls Love as a medium moreso than it speaks to the quality of the manga itself, which is a long way to give it a weird complement.

The Bad: So, despite the praise I just gave, and entirely divorced from the elephants that are gnawing on the doorframe outside, this story is generously a mess and, to put it less-generously, seriously lacking. The biggest problem I have with it is the structure, and by extension the pacing. The basic story structure here goes like this: a new volume starts, a problem is introduced and, by the end, that problem is resolved, which somehow causes out main pair to progress. This is a structure that is pretty common for a lot of high school focused yuri manga. Herein lies the harm: the rigidity of such a structure combined with the scope of the problems this manga is trying to tackle severely limits the effectiveness of the story telling. For a vast majority of the arcs, especially the later arcs, the set up for the problem, and the new characters that come with it, takes up so much of the time of the story that the conclusion often feels weak and unsatisfying. A good example of this can be seen in the arc where Mei supposedly reconciles her differences with her dad. They not only barely share any screen time together, but, due to the above structural problems, the resolution of Mei's feelings towards her dad feels way too easy. This problem is repeated in later arcs, but is especially prevalent in the concluding arc of the series. This also creates additional problems, the main being that the audience does not really get to spend that much time with the main pair. A lot of the development of Yuzu and Mei's relationship is tampered by the fact that it has to happen very suddenly at the end of the arc. This is detrimental as, as i said above, the problems they face as a couple feel really organic, but the resolution of said conflict is often anticlimactic and unsatisfying. This problem could potentially be alleviated by giving the readers more insight into Mei's thoughts, but I think the mysteries behind Mei's motives are a huge strength for the series so maybe not.

The Elephants: ok we can let the elephants back in now but I'll try to make it quick. The first elephant is, obviously, the psuedo-incest. This was a *huge* detriment for the series, and the lengths at which the narrative stretches to remind you that the main pair are technically sisters, especially in the first volume, is concerning. It is made worse by the fact that the first major internal conflict that Yuzu faces is the question of "Should I [Yuzu] abandon my romantic feelings for Mei and just focus on being her sister instead?" Also, and this is maybe a minor complaint, but I could not suspend my disbelief over the fact that Yuzu's mom and Mei's dad moved in together, and they somehow never met until the day Yuzu moved in, mainly because it is a ludicrous idea. Overall, there's not a ton to say here. The sistership of the main pair is intrinsically baked into the narrative, and separating it from that sistership would be difficult. However, consider this: how much of the story would really change if, instead of step-sisters, Yuzu suddenly had to move (for whatever reason), and inextricably found herself as the roomate of the student council president at the new boarding school she was attending? The answer is, I think, not much. It would take a revision, but the basic bones of the story and many of the conflicts could still be there. Saburouta could even have them do the "there's only one bed troupe!"

The second elephant is the vast amount of non-consensual kisses present in the story. In short, there were just too many of them in this series, but especially in the first volume. It would be more acceptable if the narrative acknowledged the fact that they were non-consensual in any way, but it just sort of ignores that part. In fact, the first non-consensual kiss could actually work really well as the inciting incident, which is its current role, if there was any acknowledgement of it or later apology at all. But there isn't, instead leaving the audience with a feeling of dissatisfaction.

Overall, I think that *Citrus* has some genuinely great qualities in its story and art, but these qualities are largely muted by the fact that it spends an awful lot of time getting in the way of its own narrative and inviting large elephants into the room that the audience then has to work very hard to ignore.

**Overall Rating:** D+

[its-no-biggie]

okay ive been thinking about this and. i really really like this theory but if i may build on it and take it in a slightly different direction - both kim dokja's and yoo joonghyuk's original split resolves an existing contradiction that is preventing them from moving forward. kim dokjas dissonance is between his two ■■s (or, more literally, whether to get off the subway or not), and yoo joonghyuks is about whether he wants to live or die. so what if, instead of one moment of immense psychological distress in han sooyoung that caused enough dissonance to lead to a split, it was instead a moment that forced her to confront a contradiction that existed in her already and left her torn on how to move forward?

my proposition is that the dissonance was her philosophy as a writer. the han sooyoung who only cares about appeasing the reader (3rd) and the han sooyoung who is determined to tell her own story no matter what anyone thinks (1863). the han sooyoung who plays into the constellations' interests and always goes for the most satisfying resolution, vs the han sooyoung who refined the 1863rd regression into something technically perfect that even kim dokja (who read 3000+ chapters of this terrible novel) didnt want to see. i mean 1863!hsy outright says it

its the conflict between catering to your audience with derivative story beats/cliches, and a well crafted narrative that ends precisely how you want it to regardless of how the reader feels.

in terms of the specific moment that wouldve caused the split, it would definitely be very very early in the scenarios - perhaps even triggered by the start of the scenarios. some struggle about how to proceed with her knowledge of wos and her talents as a writer - perhaps it had to do with her decision to seek out yoo joonghyuk? especially with the way they both treat yoo joonghyuk - 3rd tries to get him on her side asap because hes The Protagonist, but 1863 actively discards him. this also ties into 1863s overall goal, to have her own world to tell a new story, compared to 3rd going out of her way to kill off all the apostles to get back on track with the original wos (aka the safe predictable story she can easily derive from) as quickly as possible.

over and over their philosophies clash even if their methods are strikingly similar. you could even view this split as a sort of "cleansing" from both of their perspectives, which would explain why each of them asserts that they are the original - they have both discarded an annoying voice in the back of their head that prevented them from writing the way they wanted to.

this could even explain why authors are the only ones who get this attribute - this is an internal conflict that every artist has to contend with, but specifically where novels as a medium are so highly commercialized....... where you land on this issue will change the entire course of your career. no wonder 1863!hsy is so bitter - you think she was involved in the creation of sssss grade infinite regressor? that novel was a massive success BECAUSE it was highly derivative and pandered to the audience. hsys 1863rd round was very technically good but was firmly rejected by its audience (and even the star stream itself? given the probability storm immediately followed by [the star stream is looking at incarnation han sooyoung] - you could interpret that as a message from the universe that this kind of story will not be tolerated. something something the star stream is capitalism)

its also worth noting that 1863s ideal story is one that happens in isolation, while 3rd cares only about maximum viewership with no regard for actual quality. these are two extreme approaches that come together in a happy middle by the end (i.e write for yourself AND your audience), with 1863 writing wos for kim dokja and 3rd writing orv for kim dokja. its all about how a story cannot exist without a reader, so an author must have care and respect and love for their audience (which neither version of han sooyoung does at first).

actually i just noticed - 1863 demonstrates greater technical storytelling skill, while 3rd has high adaptability to what the reader wants. and one of them ends up writing a messy rushed serial novel highly responsive to audience feedback, while the other has to carefully weave together a complex story without any reader feedback at all....... another example of them meeting in the middle i suppose.

anyway im obviously extrapolating a lot since 1863!hsy doesnt spend that much time on the page. but i did reread the 1863 arc to make sure i wasnt making completely unsubstantiated claims so. i hope it holds up 👍

Okay. Long incoherent rambling theory post ahead. Specifically, I want to talk about how the Han Sooyoung 'split' happened/how Han Sooyoung got the avatar skill, extrapolating from canon where I can and headcanoning the rest.

Let's start from what she herself says on the topic. 3rd rounds Han Sooyoung tells Kim Dokja, in a conversation about how 'Avatar' works, that the very first time she made an avatar, she gave it too many memories and it 'went out of control' and ran off. This was a friendly conversation and hsy brought it up herself, so there's not really a reason for her to lie here - this is probably close to how she actually remembers the situation.

Which is interesting because 1863rd rounds Han Sooyoung denies this fact and says SHE is the main body and that she left an avatar behind to act as her. Now 1863 could be lying here to unbalance kdj, they were having a battle of words at the time with lying being an explicit part of the game, but she could also be telling the truth and maybe 3rd just doesn't know she's an avatar (like 49%). we don't get a comfirmation either way so that is left ambigous. So. That's a dead end.

Then, how does the Avatar skill evolve in general?

Kim Dokja says the requirements to evolve it is that you need to be in a creative field of some kind (so you have an 'Author' attribute) + under enough psychological distress for your mind to 'split' in a way that orv compares to DID (in not the most tactful way). It's a rare skill so I'm guessing it probably requires both of these to be true at the same time. A key hint is that we do actually get one other example of someone evolving the Avatar skill on screen. 1863rd rounds Yoo Joonghyuk. It goes like this:

So...not exactly a fun time. But actually I'm sensing a pattern here. Both Yoo Joonghyuk and Han Sooyoung, after evolving and using the avatar skill for the first time end up as two sepetate autonomous entities with their own free will - 1863rd!hsy and 3rd!hsy and white and black coat wearing yjh respectively (Kim Dokja too actually - with 49% 51%). So, I think this might be how the skill functions, spontaneously splitting you in half the first time and then both halves of you can make avatars at will after that. Let's assume this is true for the sake of the theory. This conflicts with the way both Han Sooyoungs describe it - they both say they 'created' an avatar the first time BUT I think neither of them were being entirely truthful.

Let's talk about that second parameter. 'Severe psychological distress' in a way similar to that of DID. How I interpret this, based on what we see of 1863rd!yjh, is that there needs to be some fundemental dissonance of core beliefs that cannot exist or be held at the same time, so requires the soul to split in half. For Yoo Joonghyuk it's 'I want to live/I want to die.' (Although Kim Dokja doesnt get the skill in the natural way, I think this concept still holds true. His dissonance is not so explicitly stated but maybe it's something along the lines of 'epilouge/eternity' i.e 'happily ever after OR atonement for his (percieved) sins'.)

But also there's an element of, how do I say this...'purifying self-destruction' to how we see our trio use Avatar. Yoo Joonghyuk takes the blackened and traumatized part of him that wants to die and kills it with a sword, leaving only the part of him that still has hope to regress to the 3rd round, free and unburdened by the weight of bad memories.

You could interpret 51%/49% this way too. The inherent act of Kim Dokja choosing to use this skill to split his soul in half means he did not see another way foward - that psychological distress and belief dissonance is an inherent part of this skill. 49%, the one who get's the 'happily ever after' does not remember needing Ways of Survival, maybe because Kim Dokja couldn't imagine himself having a happy ending with the weight of those specific memories.

But coming back to Han Sooyoung. Just look at the way she uses Avatar in kaizenix. She is a person who does not enjoy being emotionally vulnerable so in any heavy situation she clings to her dry and witty personality like a shield.

Let's just fully realize what she's saying here. When she says she erased the memories of her life deliberately, what she means is that she created an avatar, a sort of 'black coat wearing han sooyoung' and killed it again and again, every year, so she could keep that sarcastic and light hearted attiude. Otherwise she would have become someone like 1863rd rounds Han Sooyoung - hardened and unhappy. And I mean that she literally was on the path of becoming her - she even got 1863rds skill.

She deliberatley brushes off Kim Dokja and doesn't acknowledge the weight of her actions in kaizenix, both waiting for 50 years and killing parts of herself over and over.

And I think this is the sort of mindset she had while telling Kim Dokja about 'creating' an avatar for the first time. She doesn't see the point in potraying herself as vulnerable, so she probably would obscure some details of that story, for example if she was on her knees clutching her head a la 1863rd turns Yoo Joonghyuk at the time. This would seem like a pointless detail to add when the point of the story was that her avatar ran off.

So FINALLY, here's my headcanon on what I think the original belief dissonance was for Han Sooyoung and how she got the Avatar skill.

The split happened very early on in the scenarios. And well, there is one obvious Big Event that might cause someone to have a mental breakdown/identity crisis. The first scenario. I think whoever Han Sooyoung killed, she couldn't deal with the fact she had become a murderer and 'exorcised' those memories - and so 1863 was born, with blood on her hands, in an already destroyed world.

[curried-mermaid]

A Review: I’m the Villainess so I’m Taming the Final Boss Volume 1

Author: Srasa Nagase Publishers: Yen Press Illustrator: Mai Murasaki Age Group: Teen Genre: Isekai Romance Type: Light Novel; Manga

Content Warnings: NONE Spoilers ahead

Plot

When Aileen Lauren D’Autriche finds herself in the middle of the villainess’ engagement annulment event, she remembers that this world is her favorite Otome game. She’s even more startled to realize she’s the villainess of the game and must prevent her death by the final boss. 

Although we have a strong female protagonist, this is a sweet, first love romance. It proves that just by accepting the person you love for who they are creates a sweet romance and deep connection between two people. You don’t have to be domineering or ‘alpha’ to win the girl. It’s okay to let your barriers down and just be. When two people are just themselves it can work out. Not to say that it doesn’t take work. As it does consistently throughout the series, but if you truly love someone, you won’t give them up even when others tell you that if you love them you should give them up. 

Character Development

The personalities of the characters are very defined (sometimes predictably). They do grow and evolve as each character interacts with Aileen and the changing world caused by her fighting the fate of each game (across the whole series). 

One thing that I love about Demon Lord Claude is that his emotions are portrayed through weather phenomena. This gives the story a bit of comedy as we figure out what he’s feeling whenever he interacts with Aileen. 

Aileen is kind of protagonist that refuses to cry and spend another minute on something that no longer deserves her attention. She’s the type of person to look you in the eye and say “challenge accepted, with interest”. She never gives up, is a bit of a workaholic, and gets into a lot of trouble. It’s a good thing she has an eye for talent because she needs them to help her get out of trouble, not only with those around her but especially with Claude. 

World-building

The audience is thrust into the world of the Ellmeyer kingdom from Aileen’s perspective. It has a very common Isekai start (for female protagonists). All of the history we learn comes from Aileen’s knowledge of the game. This world is very character focused rather than setting or plot focused. 

The settings are common things we would expect to see with a feudal hierarchy (but add emperors rather than kings) and a Demon Lord. The Demon Lord’s castle, parks, royal quarters, etc. Though the Demon Lord’s castle being in disrepair is a great touch to expand the minor character line-up and force growth for the Demon Lord and his subordinates. There is just enough description of settings that we get the picture without being elaborate. After all, this is supposed to be more character focused. 

Themes

The themes for this series are pretty straight forward. You can change fate or fate is not written in stone. You can grab life by the horns and make it your (insert favorite swear here). Whichever you prefer. 

Observations & Predictions

This is one of my comfort series I go back to over and over. 

While each book covers a different Otome game or the side content, it can get a little cyclical to have her continuously fight for Claude. Albeit, in some of the most cliche, comedic, and sometimes out-of-the-blue ways. 

This series is an easy read and doesn’t take a lot of brain power. So relax, grab a cup of your favorite beverage, maybe some snacks, and enjoy. While it may not be everyone’s cup of tea, it’s definitely worth trying. 

Recommendations

This week I’ve added this section of recommendations with variations from my current review. Take a look! If you want me to review or have further recommendations just let me know! 

If you like this series but need something with a bit more intrigue: 

Why Raeliana Ended Up at the Duke’s Mansion By: Milcha Translation: David Odell

If you like a strong protagonist but want it more sweet:

The Savior’s Book Cafe Story in Another World By: Oumiya Based on Novels by: Kyouka Izumi

If you want something with a soft female lead that’s just as sweet:

I’m Giving the Disgraced Noble LadyI rescued a Crash Course in Naughtiness By: Fukada Sametarou

[sabiekay]

Aaa thanks for tagging me @theharrowing! I'm gonna dig to see if I have 3 WIPs to post, but I definitely have 3 fics done for this challenge! Some of these snippits might be kinda long whoooooops

No Pressure tag list (do it if you want to, don't feel obligated to play!) @candlewaxandp0lar0ids , @suga-kookiemonster , and @writtenwhalien, anyone else who feels like it!

rules: post 3 snippets from published work, and 3 from your wips

*3 Published*

Microcosmos

Throughout the entire trip to the nature reserve, amongst the small talk and laughter, all you could think of was how aware you were of your feelings. Ever since you admitted them to Hoseok a week ago it was like the floodgates had opened now that they had a name to it. And it was making it hard to just act normal. Every interaction was a balancing act of trying not to pretend things were different. Was your crush too obvious? Did Jungkook know? Why couldn’t you just act normal, like you had been for the past several weeks? Your brain was an endless loop of trying to play it cool. If he could read minds, all he would hear in yours was that meme song “don’t be suspicious” over and over again. Jungkook, for his part, was clearly having a blast singing along to the radio. It really wasn’t fair how talented he was – he could draw, paint, and he had a beautiful singing voice? This had to be proof that God played favorites. In between singing and bopping to the songs, you two sipped on the cold brew coffees Jungkook had brought so you could stay awake for the meteor shower. Being the passenger allowed you to look at the beautiful landscape changing outside the car. Now that you were fully away from the city, you could see trees and fields surrounding you instead of tall buildings and neon lights. The sun was setting around you, causing the world to glimmer in shades of green and gold. It was breathtaking. You glanced over at Jungkook as he bopped along to the radio and tapped his fingertips lightly against the wheel, the golden light hitting him the perfect way. It was warm enough outside for him to just wear a t shirt with a pair of jeans, which meant his tattoos were nearly on full display – and a distraction. Your eyes kept glancing up and down at the full artistry that covered his entire right arm. You wanted to hear all about them, the stories and reasons for each one; how they all fit together to tell a story…maybe even trace them with your fingers, especially the veins popping out from his hand gripping the wheel and then….nope. Nope. You were shutting that down right now. You had to survive this trip without dying of thirst for the poor guy. Don’t be suspicious, don’t be suspicious.

The Season

“Is this your first gala then? Are you new to the Season?” Your curiosity got the better of you as you took the furthest seat you could away from the man. You may be having a conversation, but years of training were a hard habit to break. He shook his head, then took a heavy breath as he looked toward the glittering manor. “I stopped going a few years ago, but my mother kept begging me until I ran out of excuses. So here I am, back into the fray.” He gestured out from the empty garden, the only audience being you, the flowers, and the willow tree. It was calm and quiet outside, far away from the crowds. He laughed darkly, shaking his head as he stared straight ahead. “Every single news article, all the social media posts, everyone gushes about how glamorous it must be, how powerful everyone is. It’s all so fake. No one inside that ballroom really cares about their so-called friends, it’s only what favors that person can do for them. What their alliance can bring to the table. I join the conversation and all anyone can talk about is who my father is, what my brother does. How lucky I should feel to be a part of that legacy. I mean, sometimes I don’t think they even know my full name!” “So what is your full name?” You blurted out before deciding to just own up to it; you faced him full on, looking right at him. He stared at you in barely hidden disbelief, then smiled softly. “Seokjin. I’m…” he paused, as if contemplating what he was going to say next. “I’m Kim Seokjin. Nice to meet you.” Your brain was screaming at you as you tried not to freak out on someone you just met. Here you were, a mere lady’s maid, chatting casually to the 2nd son of Grand Minister Kim, one of the most powerful men in all of Erharan. Even back home in Auteris people knew of his family. Grand Minister Kim was one of the 3 Grand Ministers that made up the Leaders of State in Erharan. The Grand Ministers were the top of the top officials, who listened to the requests of the lower ranked legislative ministers to bring forth new laws for the country. But it was the Grand Ministers who enacted them, who were the true rulers – they were considered the same as kings and emperors of other countries. And that was just one half of his family pedigree. His mother came from the illustrious Jang family, the owners and founders of Jang Technologies, the leading solar technology company in the world. Their products basically brought Erharan and the rest of the world to the modern age, making it the industrial powerhouse it was today. If it could be run on solar power, it most likely came from Jang Tech. It was bad enough you were talking to a guest at all, let alone someone from such a prominent background. His family had inherited the role of Grand Minister for generations. They would probably continue passing down that title long after you and Seokjin were gone. You were stunned you didn’t even recognize him. But as you looked at Seokjin, the depths of his eyes searching for any type of connection, you recognized how difficult his life might be. How in this moment all he might need was a friend to talk to. And so, you decided tonight his family background didn’t matter. You could be his friend for the evening, pretend the differences in your social status wouldn’t cause a scandal. If anyone asked, you could just say you were doing your job – you were meant to serve the upper class, after all. If a nobleman asked you to sit and chat, who were you to say no? “I’m Y/N, nice to meet you too.” 

(Blank) For The Holidays

No, the most devastating part was that Off-Work Yoongi was dangerous. He wore a black fitted turtleneck sweater with dark blue jeans, and black wire framed glasses. His dark brown hair was swept back, exposing his forehead to make him look more handsome than he already was. You were used to Coffee Bee Yoongi, who wore the required uniform and baseball cap that nearly hid his features, or wearing a beanie that caused his hair to frame his face. But this? This was too much. Suddenly all the feelings you had when you first met him come rushing back the instant he turned to face you. Of course you had a small crush on him when he first started working at The Coffee Bee. You were about 90% sure everyone did. Yoongi was downright stunning; him being hard-working and silently caring was a bonus that had already thrown him into Ideal Boyfriend territory. But the idea of dating a coworker was just too messy for you to get over. You were afraid of what would happen if you were rejected, or if you started dating your coworker and broke up, or if you two had gone on a date and it just wasn’t a good time. Things would be awkward and your life was already off kilter without throwing that into the mix. So you just pushed down the feelings, locked them in a box in the back of your mind, and decided to ignore it altogether. But seeing Yoongi in that outfit (especially with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows), focused on cooking a nice dinner, was too hot and domestic for you to handle. And without realizing it he shot straight up past being a simple work crush, beyond ‘Would Be A Good Boyfriend’, and into ‘Perfect Husband’ material. You had to remind yourself that he didn’t even ask you here as a date. This was a friend party. A Christmas party for friends. You could be friends, right? “Hey Y/N. I’m glad you could make it,” Yoongi said brightly, his eyes crinkling as he smiled. You nodded with one in return, stomping down your resurrected romantic feelings so you could just chill for an evening.

*3 WIPs*

Another Life

With a sigh, you tried to think back to every single moment that led you here. “How many times do I have to tell you I don’t know how I got here? For the past day or so I’ve had a headache, and some sort of vertigo take over every time I laid down. I went to bed early so I could go to prompt care in the morning. Then suddenly I’m here, and it’s apparently not a dream and then there’s glowing fists in my face. Don’t know what else to tell you.” He paused, taking your story in. More thinking, more pacing, muttering, and shaking his head. You just stood there frozen – not like you had anywhere else to go. But if there was a small chance of him having any answers for where you were, you needed to stay put.   Finally, he walked back toward to, reaching toward your wrist. “You need to come with me right now.” You threw your arm back, moving further away from the man. “I’m not going anywhere until you tell me what is going on. Where exactly are we? How do I know this isn’t some plot to kidnap me or lead me off to some hidden dungeon?” He groaned deeply, rubbing his palm against his face. “Saints and stars above, we don’t have time for this. And if we’re being technical, you are the intruder in the royal palace, so perhaps you should rethink your accusations. But if it will make you move faster, fine.” He sighed and slightly shook his head. “You are in the kingdom of Kalmarys, specifically the grand royal palace of King Rolftan and his heir, Princess Melyanna. My name is Jimin, a Royal Mage and Captain of Princess Melyanna’s personal guard. And if what I suspect is true, the High Mage needs to be aware of your presence right now. Does that answer your questions?”   “…wait, royal mage? As in magic? You can do magic?” Jimin stared at you, an eyebrow raised. “Do you not have magic where you’re from? Who hasn’t heard of the Royal Mages?” You crossed your arms in return, looking more at the floor than at the man. “Well, up until a few minutes ago I thought magic wasn’t even real, so….” A shocked cough escaped Jimin’s lips. He opened his mouth, then closed it before shaking his head and reached for your wrist again. He mumbled something indecipherable to himself, half pulling you to the other side of the room.

Dream A Little Dream

Rice. The first word of your day, the only image in your mind when you woke up. Not a face, or a phrase. Just a bowl of plain white rice. With a sigh, you opened the faded journal on your night stand to add it to the list. Legend says that when the heavens deem your heart ready to be with your soulmate, the God of Love himself will place clues in your dreams each night so you can find them. The first image that lingers in your mind when you wake up brings you one step closer to your perfect match. It could be weeks, it could be months. But either way, you will find your soulmate. It certainly worked for your parents – your Literature professor father dreamt of fish, vast oceans, bright colors. Your mother, a marine biologist, dreamt of libraries, poems, and bottles of ink. When they met as college students, they said it was like magic swirled around them as they held hands after putting the clues together. You never had any reason to doubt soulmates existed when you could see proof every single day around you. But maybe Eros was just screwing with you because for the past few nights, all your soulmate dreams were of the same plain bowl of rice. Last week you dreamt of empty walls. Your journal was filled with documentation of the most mundane, puzzling clues that left you with more questions than answers. 2 months of soulmate dreams surmounting to “Yes queen give us nothing.” And look, it’s not like you were lonely. You’re not! It’s just…a little frustrating to see everyone in your family so in love, the ever-growing collection of Save The Dates and baby shower invites taking over the fridge. Your social media formulated to showcase how nearly all of your friends easily found their soulmates already. While the closest action you’ve gotten recently was reading a spicy novel while eating takeout pizza. It would be nice to be able to cook for more than one person, or feel the warmth of another body cuddling yours while watching (and judging) home renovation tv shows. You would even settle for dates that didn’t fizzle out after the second or third time, once it was abundantly clear you were not going to work out - even before getting into the soulmate dreams. You didn’t even have someone to point out cute puppies to when taking a walk in the park! ….okay, maybe you were a little lonely.

After The End of All Things

“Mom, what’s going on? What happened?” you insisted quietly, trying not to wake the child sleeping next to you. “The last ship…they changed the departure time again. It’s now leaving at 4 am today.” Your eyes fell at the old clock next to the bed – 1:30. If you hurried, ran along the empty backroads, you could make it to the docks in time. But only if you left now. You darted out of bed in a flash, trying to race against the clock to pack what you could. You guiltily hoped that others like you – the ones who couldn’t afford tickets at the base price – hadn’t heard the new bumped up time frame yet. Less people at the docks meant more of a chance for your family to win the Day Of ticket lottery, where you’d earn a spot on the ship for a discounted price. If you couldn’t pay the amount at the time of selection, you could sign a waiver to work off the remaining balance. It was the only chance, the last hope, for people of your status to get onto the ships. The lottery only selected 100 people per departure, with hundreds of entries being the standard. Since this was the last ship, you’d be shocked if the entries were less than 1,000. You started opening drawers in the family dresser, moving quickly to just grab whatever items you found first. But then you noticed your mother walking slowly, eerily so, with a backpack in each hand. Only two. You froze in your spot as your eyes blinked rapidly, holding back the forming tears. You shook your head as you realized what was going on. “I can’t leave you,” you cried, reaching out to your mother. “It’s the only way, Y/N. Take your niece and go. You don’t have much time.” She set down the backpacks at your feet and grabbed your shaking hands. “You can still come with us! The odds of the lottery will be better with 3 of us, you know that! They have the family clause if Anna is selected since she’s too young to work. We can still stay together.” With a gentle squeeze and a deep sigh, your mother walked over to the kitchen counter and grabbed an envelope. Her eyes were glassy as she placed it in your hands. You held your breath as you opened it, revealing some money and a pair of tickets. Your eyes widened and your hands shook as the light spilling in from the window emphasized the embossed, iridescent logo of the Global Space Command. You couldn’t ask how she got those tickets. You didn’t want to. Some things were better left unsaid. You looked back at your mother to find tears running down her face. If you weren’t in shock, you’d probably feel your own tears doing the same. “You and Anna deserve a better life. To get away from here. This world is dying, and you two have a chance to start over. Promise me you’ll survive. And live.”

.....dang, I guess I do have a few WIPs, huh? LOLOLOLOL