#and don't get me started on the stupid lady who looked one direction (not where i was) and then crossed the bike path with her child

[sketchs-trashcan]

i get what you're saying, but i cannot tell you how many times i've wanted to throw a brick at a pedestrian as both a driver *and* a fellow pedestrian

the customer is always right -> hmm. I'm not sure about that

the pedestrian is always right -> this we cannot possibly refute

[of-a-chaotic-mind]

Hey Bartender

Summary: Reader thinks it's just another shift of bartending but instead meets a drunk golden retriever that sets her up with his best friend.

TW/CW: Eddie Diaz x Reader, Get Together

Requested?: No 

Word Count: 4,087

A/N: I realized I always write reader as a fellow firefighter and wanted to try my hand at not doing that lol. You know I just had to add a drop of angst in there lmao. Anyways, hope you enjoy the read! Much love to all! Requests are Open!

--- Your POV --- 

    It's another Saturday night, and I'm expecting just as many jackasses as usual... Let me tell you, bartending pays well but damn does it suck ass. If I had a nickel for every time a douche bag hit on me, I wouldn't need to bartend, I could just live on my own private island. If I had a dollar for every decent man that ever hit on me, I'd be living on the streets if it weren’t for my weekly paychecks.  

    I drop my bag in the back office and head to the bar, throwing my hair up into a messy bun on the way. When I round the corner of the hallway out into the main area, I can see my coworkers Tiana and Grayson struggling to keep up. I slide through the swinging door with ease and begin taking orders. Soon, the chaos has died down some and I'm able to send Tiana home.  

    A rowdy bunch of college guys, that I see often, come in as she leaves. I raise my voice, "Hey! Don't come in here acting a fool, y'all know better." They sarcastically salute me or wave dramatically before making their way to their favorite table in the corner.  

    A tall, older, and muscular guy takes a seat on the stool in front of me, "You must be the boss lady around here," he states pointing back toward the college kids. 

    I scoff, "Might as well be but no. Our boss tends to only show up when it's slow. What can I get ya?" 

    The man laughs, "Two Jack and Coke, please." 

    I nod and turn around to reach for the Jack Daniels but find it exactly where I had repeatedly told Grayson not to put it, on the top shelf. Placing my hands on my hips, I turn toward my coworker, "Hey, dickhead!" He looks up immediately but I only point in the direction of the bottle I need. He grins with a laugh as he approaches me, grabs the bottle, and passes it down to me. As he returns to the customer, he was helping I gripe, "I swear you only do that to piss me off." 

    He looks at me, still wearing that stupid grin, "Yup, sure do!" 

    I roll my eyes and proceed to finish making my customer's Jack and Coke. When I set the glasses down in front of him, he admits, "If he wasn't making my gaydar go off, I'd be concerned." 

    I laugh, "Yes, Grayson is gay. He's basically my annoying little brother that enjoys making my life difficult." 

    The man laughs, "I'm Tommy," he points behind him, "The one waving his arms around like a crazy person is my lovely boyfriend, Evan." 

    I watch Evan animatedly tell his story for a beat before responding, "I'm (Y/N). What on earth is he talking about?" 

    Tommy shakes his head, "I don't really know. I love listening to him speak, don't get me wrong, but sometimes I zone out because I'm too focused on how pretty he is." 

    This makes me laugh extra hard, "I could see that." 

    Tommy pulls far more than enough cash out of his wallet to pay for the drinks and hands it to me, "Keep the change. See you around, (Y/N)." 

    I nod and watch him leave before jumping because Grayson speaks right in my ear, "He was cute!" 

    I shake my head, "He's gay and taken." 

    Grayson pouts, "Damn... A loss for us both I guess." I laugh and start cleaning up around the bar. 

    Sometime later, I notice something suspicious out of the corner of my eye. There's a gruff looking man leaning far too close to a girl who looks at least half his age. At first glance, I wouldn't even be sure she's old enough to drink but considering they card everyone at the door, she's at least 21 and this man looks to be in his late 40s or early 50s. She is very obviously uncomfortable and from the way her eyes dart around I can tell she's looking for an escape route. 

    I place my hand on Grayson's shoulder, still keeping an eye on her, "I'll be right back." He follows my line of sight and nods in understanding. As I pass the cooler on my way to her, I blindly grab a bottle of water. I step beside her, opposite the man, and place my hand on her shoulder and the water on the table in front of her, "Here's that water you ordered, sweetie." 

    "Aw, I just brought you a drink, Baby. You haven't even touched it yet. You don't need that water, do ya?" the subtleties his voice makes my skin crawl. 

    She avoids eye contact with him as she opens the water and takes a sip before looking me dead in the eyes, "Thank you. Could you point me to the bathroom, please?" 

    I nod, "Sure, I'll walk you there." She hops down from her stool and I put myself between her and the man.  

    I point in the direction we need to go but as she starts that way, the man grabs my right arm, "I think I can handle walking her to the bathroom. Besides, your coworker looks pretty busy over there." 

    I turn slowly to face him. I look down at where his hand is clamped around my right bicep and then back at his face, "I suggest you remove your hand from my body before I remove it from yours." By now everyone in the bar is zeroed in on us. I even notice Tommy, Evan, and a couple of their friends get up from their table. 

    His grip tightens, "I said," spits flecks across my face as he speaks through gritted teeth and with a menacing smile, "I can show her to the bathroom." 

    I wipe my face with my left hand, "Last chance, pal. You have three seconds." I give him a few seconds as promised before using my right hand to remove his hand from my arm, twisting it outwards with a small crack. Anger now replacing the smile on his face, he lunges at me but I drive the palm of my left hand straight into his nose.  

    He doubles over in pain, holding his nose as blood leaks through his fingers, "You bitch!" 

    I glare down at him, "That shit doesn't fly in my bar," I point to the bouncers, snap my fingers, and point down at the piece of shit at my feet. Already on standby, they immediately make their way through the crowd to collect him. I turn to check on the girl and escort her to the bathroom. 

--- Third Person POV --- 

    Bobby and Athena meet the bouncers at the puddle of filth who is still writhing in pain, "My husband is just gonna make sure he doesn't need a stop at the hospital on his way to the police station," she says, as she flashes her badge. The bouncers take a step back to let Bobby work. Athena turns to speak to (Y/N) but finds her already heading toward the bathrooms with the girl.  

    Bobby stands and wipes his hands on a napkin, "Alright, Athena, to the slammer. As far as I can tell she just broke it. No serious damage."  

    Athena nods and looks toward the door where two officers enter. When they approach her, she explains what happened and gives them instructions. A few feet away, Buck leans toward Tommy, "I wonder where she learned to do that." 

    Wondering the same thing, Eddie looks over as Tommy answers, "She had an Army Sergeant's insignia tattooed on her wrist." 

    Eddie nods, "That'll do it." 

    Buck looks toward the bathrooms, "A badass, former Army Sergeant, who can take down a man twice her size...," he looks at Eddie, whose eyes are locked in the same direction, "You should get her number." Eddie rolls his eyes and soon the three are ushered back to the table by Athena and Bobby. 

--- Your POV --- 

    As we arrive at the bathrooms, I wait with the girl in silence. When the door opens and another lady exits, she moves to enter before looking back at me, "Thank you." 

    I nod, "I'll be at the bar if you need me." She nods before entering the bathroom. I make my way back towards the bar and as soon as I round the corner, the college boys in the corner start whooping and hollering. The rest of the bar erupts to join them. I quickly return to the bar, grinning and shaking my head.  

    When the commotion dies down, one of the college kids loudly slurs out, "That, ladies and gentlemen, is why we don't fuck with (Y/N)." Many in the bar laugh before returning to their friends and drinks. Not too long later, I watch the girl meet a few friends at the door and make their way to a table. She smiles at me as she passes. I smile back. 

    I take and make a few more orders before letting Grayson know I'm taking a few minutes for a smoke break. After what feels like too short of a break, I'm checking notifications on my phone when I pass Grayson who grabs my shirt. I look at him in confusion, "What?" 

    He nods toward the other end of the bar where Evan is sat blowing bubbles into a fresh Jack and Coke, "said he wanted to ask you something." 

    Still bewildered, I make my way over to Evan, "What's up, Buttercup?" 

    He snaps his head up from his drink and grins at me before slurring out, "I was wondering if I could have your number," and is quick to add, "b-but not for me! I have a hot pilot boyfriend," the grin on his face gets even bigger, "I'm gonna give it to my friend Eddie who's been staring at you all night," he thinks for a split second, "He also seemed very disappointed when he saw you leave a little bit ago."  

    I laugh but before I can say a single word he goes on, "I came up here and asked your coworker if you were done for the night but he said you were just on break so I waited until you came back." He keeps rambling on and on as I grab a sticky note pad and pen from under the counter. I jot my name and number down. Normally, I wouldn't do this but these Evan and Tommy dudes seem decent so I figure their friend Eddie can't be too bad.  

    Evan is still going when I remove the note and press the sticky side to his forehead. He stops abruptly mid word, "Sweet! I'm Buck by the way." With that, it seems our conversation has come to an end as he gets up and returns to his table, not even removing the sticky note. 

--- Third Person POV --- 

    Hen giggles, “I think the golden has retrieved something.” 

    Tommy follows her line of sight and notices Buck stumbling back toward the table with something attached to his forehead; question already locked and loaded for when he's in earshot, "Whatcha got there?" Buck stops and attempts to pose heroically which makes everyone giggle. Tommy reaches up with one hand to remove the note and pats the bench beside him with the other, prompting Buck to plop down and lay his head on Tommy's shoulder. Realizing what his boyfriend has done, he looks over to Eddie, "I believe this is for you," and hands him the note. 

    Confused, Eddie takes the paper and reads it before looking at Buck with a facial expression that reads, "Seriously?" 

    Buck grins proudly as Maddie nudges Eddie, "You so should text her." 

    Chimney grins, "Or if you're man enough you can call her." Eddie glares at him, very clearly annoyed. He looks down at the paper in his hands and thinks for a few seconds before nudging Tommy and Buck out of the booth. He ignores the excited gasps and "ooo"s that break out behind him and makes his way to the bar. 

--- Your POV --- 

    I look up from the beer I'm pouring and notice one of Tommy and Buck's friends heading my direction. I top the beer off and hand it to the college kid in front of me just as the newcomer takes a seat to my left. He's staring straight ahead and hasn't said a word. 

    I wipe my hands off on a towel and grab a glass before crossing the short distance between us, "You're either a whiskey guy or a fruity cocktail guy. What'll it be?" 

    He smiles and tilts his head as he looks at me, "Whiskey, please." 

    I nod and turn around, aiming to grab the bottle of Jack I left on the other counter but find it has mysteriously moved back up to the top shelf. I whip my head in Grayson's direction but his back is turned to me. Placing my hands on my hips I glare up at the bottle. "Do you need me to-" Eddie tries to ask but instead I step up onto a shelf under the counter and climb up to stand on the granite, promptly procuring the bottle, "Guess not," I hear Eddie chuckle behind me as I scrunch up the towel on my shoulder and throw it at Grayson.  

    It nails him right in the back of the head, although not all very hard. He turns around grinning until he notices me still standing on the counter. An expression of fear almost crosses his features before he speaks, "Rodney will have your ass for standing on his counter," a teasing hint of humor in his tone. 

    I flip him off, "Rodney can suck a dick. I'd say you should too but you'd enjoy it too much," I punctuate my sentence by jumping down from the counter. Grayson doubles over in laughter as I turn back to my customer, who is also laughing his ass off. 

    As I pour the whiskey, I ask, "So, are you the Eddie that Buck mentioned?" 

    He looks back at the table where his friends are very clearly pretending to not be watching, minus Buck who is staring at us with his chin in his hands. He looks down at his whiskey, "Yeah," and takes a sip. 

    I tilt my head at him, "You don't seem too thrilled." 

    He makes eye contact with me, "To be honest, my heart is racing a mile a minute. I'm not like wasted or anything but uh," he looks back at the table and then at his glass, "I've got enough liquor in my system right now that when Chimney challenged that I wouldn't call you, I was like, 'Oh yeah? Watch this,'" he looks up at me again, "So, here I am with no clue what to say and possibly making a fool of myself." 

    I can't help but laugh, "I've had plenty of men make fools of themselves in front of me. I promise, you sir, are not one of them." 

    He smiles at this and is quiet for a few beats before asking, "Would it- would it be okay if I called you?" 

    I give him an "are you serious?" look, "Eddie, if it wasn't okay for you to call me, I wouldn't have given Buck my number." I swear I see him blush as he looks down at his glass again, nodding. I hear a customer call my name and grimace, "Give me a sec." He nods so I move to serve the customer and when I return to where Eddie was seated, he's back at the table with his friends. He's left cash on a napkin that has a note scribbled on it: 

I'll call you tomorrow when I can actually form coherent sentences :) - Eddie P.S. Keep the change! 

    I smile softly to myself and look up toward their table to find him already looking my way. I wave and he returns the wave before I slip the napkin into my back pocket and move on to take some more orders on Grayson's end of the bar. 

    The next morning, or rather the next afternoon, when I roll out of bed I immediately reach for my phone. I find a text from an unknown number: 

This is Tommy from the bar. Just in case Eddie loses the sticky note, I added your number into his phone. Figured I'd shoot you a text so you have his :) 

    I smile and lay my phone back down on the side table. My excited anticipation dwindles quickly as hours turn into days of not hearing from Eddie. I'm beginning to think he was just drunk that night and wasn't actually interested. One afternoon, as I'm getting ready for work, I glance at my phone for the millionth time hoping to see something from Eddie. No such luck... I open up the text conversation and my fingers hover over the keyboard trying to decide what to say. This isn't the first time I've done this in the past few days. Once again, I finally give up and shove my phone back in my pocket. I head to work with a pit in my stomach and disappointment heavy in my chest. 

    That evening, Grayson and all of my regulars notice how down I am and a few even try to cheer me up or be an ear to listen, including Grayson who hasn't stopped pestering me about it every chance he gets. "So, did things not work out with Lover Boy?" I brush him off and start wiping down the bar. "Come on, (Y/N). Talk to me," he sighs, "I know I'm a dick sometimes but I do care about you and I don't like seeing you so upset." 

    I take a deep breath as I toss the dirty towel into the laundry bin, "He never called. Never even texted either. And it's not because he lost my number, Tommy saved it into his phone for him." I can't hide the disappointment and hurt in my tone. 

    "Are you serious? Dude was absolutely entranced by you but doesn't bother to contact you?" Grayson asks, dumbfounded. 

    I shrug, heading for the cellar door, "I'm gonna restock. Holler if you need me." 

    He lets me go and as the door shuts behind me, I feel tears prickle against my eyes. Why am I about to cry over some dude I've only met once and only shared a few sentences with? Frustrated, I wipe my eyes and grab a few bottles that I know we need. Half way up the stairs, tears threaten to spill again. Sighing in defeat, I descend back down, place the bottles on a table, and drop to the floor against the wall with my head in my hands. This shit is why I don't let myself get hung up on guys anymore. The tears are flowing freely when I hear the cellar door open, "(Y/N)?"  

    Grayson sounds worried so I answer, "Yeah?" but my voice comes out weak and shaky.  

    I hear his footsteps descend the stairs rapidly before he drops to the floor beside me, "Hey, you okay?" 

    I look up from my hands and make eye contact, "I thought this one was different. I let myself hope. Now look at me, crying on the floor of a dusty ass cellar." 

    Grayson rubs my back comfortingly, "It's okay to cry, (Y/N)." 

    I drop my head back in my hands, "No it's not, not over a man I don't even know. I'm an independent woman who don't need no man. I shouldn't be this heart broken." 

    "First of all, yes, it's still okay to cry. Second, you may be independent but everyone needs somebody to love," Grayson says softly. 

    From the top of the stairs, a voice rings out, "Hey Grayson, quite a few people wanting drinks up here." 

    "We'll be up in a minute," he answers before pulling my face to look at him, "Get up, dust yourself off, and let's go have a good time, okay?" 

    I sigh deeply, "Okay," and wipe my tears. On our way up, I grab the bottles I had set down earlier and by the time we reach the top of the stairs, I've promised myself I won't shed another tear over this man unless he earns it. 

    Later that evening, I'm wiping down the bar again after a rush. In my peripheral, I notice someone take a seat and toss the towel away to tend to them. When I finally look over, my heart starts racing. It's Eddie. He's staring at his hands where he interlocked them on the bar top. I look around, hoping to pass him off to Grayson but find him helping other customers. I take a deep breath before smoothing out my shirt and walking over to Eddie. 

    "What can I get for you?" I ask, attempting to keep my tone friendly and even but it still shakes the slightest bit. His head shoots up and he makes direct eye contact with me. There's something in his eyes that makes me tilt my head. 

    He breaks eye contact and breaths deeply, looking back to his hands, "Listen, I- I'm sorry. I know I haven't called or texted. I tried to several times but I didn't know what to say. Buck says I was overthinking it too much but... I don't know, I just- I didn't wanna fuck it up." 

    A small smile touches my lips but I squash down the hope that's trying to breach the surface, "Eddie, a hello would've been sufficient." 

    He looks up at me and grimaces, "That's what Tommy said but I didn't wanna sound so- so casual I guess?" 

    Bewilderment replaces my smile, "What?" 

    He hesitates a second, "I guess what I'm trying to say is, I didn't want to sound so uninterested when you're all I've been able to think about for days. I also didn't want to sound too interested and scare you off... Which I may have just done anyways," he shakes his head in embarrassment as he looks back down at the bar top. 

    The grin on my face kind of hurts as I tuck my finger under his chin and lift it. His eyes have a touch of worry in them when they lock with mine, "I almost texted you several times too but didn't for the same exact reason." For some reason, I let myself get a little vulnerable, "I may or may not have cried a few hours ago because I was so disappointed that I didn't hear from you..." 

    I pull away as shock etches across his features, "I'm so sorry." 

    I shrug, "Forgiven, as long as you take me out on a date at some point and remember that my number exists in your phone." 

    He grins, nodding, "I will. When are you off work this week?" 

    I look up at the ceiling trying to remember, "All day Wednesday and Sunday and then until 3pm every other day." 

    When I look back at him, he smiles, "How does coffee sound Wednesday morning? 10am?" 

    I mirror his expression, "Sounds great!" 

    I can barely contain my excitement over the next few days and wake up before my alarm even goes off Wednesday morning after tossing and turning all night. I jolt up in bed, checking my phone in a panic, thinking I've slept through my alarm going off. Relief courses through my veins when I realize there's still an hour until it will. Excitement quickly floods that relief out of my system and I hop out of bed with a spring in my step. 

    Sometime later, as I enter the small outdoor café early but too excited to wait, I see Eddie threading his fingers through his hair at a table, having beat me there. I smile brightly and approach his table. He stands as soon as he sees me, pulls out my chair for me, and motions to the coffee in front of it, “I wasn’t sure how you like your coffee but if it’s wrong just let me know and I can order you something else.”  

    I giggle, take a sip and grin, “It’s perfect,” and as I look at him sitting across from me, knee bouncing and fingers fidgeting with his coffee cup I can’t help but think he’s perfect too. 

More 911

Main Masterlist

[ageingfangirl2]

Are You Flirting With Me? Sanji x Reader (OPLA)

Sanji is a known flirt around all women, but y/n isn't sure if he's flirting with her or not and they confront them. Sanji x Female Reader

Y/N

Sanji was a very confusing man. He was a shameless flirt and ladies' man, fawning over every girl who crossed his path. Nami said he was all over her when they first went to The Baratie and had continued his ways since joining the crew. But when you joined the crew after they beat Arlong Sanji was odd, initially flirting and complimenting you, but after a couple of months, he seemingly stopped but continued with Nami and the other girls.

It didn't bother you at first, it was a nice break. You didn't have body issues, in fact, you liked how you looked and took care of your image, and before you left your island to join Luffy you'd been proposed to twice. But now when you look in a mirror you start to notice small flaws in your appearance. You hated what you were becoming, you had to get off the ship and away from the blonde cook for a bit.

With one last look in the small mirror by your hammock you throw it against the wall and watch it smash into tiny pieces on the floor, 'stupid cook,' you hiss.

Grabbing your jacket you leave the sleeping quarters and head back up onto deck.

'Y\N DINNERS READY!' Usopp calls out from the deck above.

You wave him off, 'I'm not hungry, I'm going to head into town for a bit.'

Before Usopp can say anything you're already walking down the gangplank.

SANJI

'Where's y/n?' Nami asks as Usopp comes back into the kitchen frowining.

I finish plating up y/n's food and put it down in their usual spot next to mine.

'She said she wasn't hungry and was going into town, looked upset,' Usopp answers.

Nami slams her hands down on the table, 'WHICH ONE OF YOU UPSET Y/N?'

The four of us share looks at one another, trying to figure out the answer, but no one comes forward to admit to doing anything wrong. It couldn't possibly be me because y/n and I had developed a close bond, the only girl seemingly immune to my flirting but still played along and gave me compliments when the rest of the crew wouldn't. Maybe I'd check on them after dinner.

TIME SKIP

There weren't many places to go in this town and I found y/n in the first tavern nursing what looked to be their third beer.

'What's a girl like you doing in a place like this?' I joke, and sit down next to them.

y/n doesn't even look at me as they reply, 'Are you...flirting with me?'

'Gods no! What gave you that idea?' I say, a little shocked.

y/n shrugs their shoulders, '...I mean...have you heard yourself talk around girls?'

I order a beer and bump my shoulder with y/n's, 'I've been told, look at you y/n, even with my flirting you looked past that and actually wanted to get to know me.'

y/n's head snaps in my direction their eyes wide, 'so that's why you stopped? You don't think I'm ugly.'

I shake my head, 'You're beautiful y/n. Wait is this why you're upset?'

y/n nods and faceplants the bar top grumbling. After a minute or two y/n explains how they thought they were ugly because I stopped flirting with them while continuing to do it with Nami and other girls around them. y/n was embarrassed, but I had to admit I was also in the wrong for not noticing my actions around them.

'I'm sorry Sanji,' y/n mutters.

I smile and throw an arm around their shoulder, 'I'm sorry to y/n. Trust me you're not ugly, because whenever we dock somewhere the guys and I have to keep guys away from you. Now I managed to save you a plate before Luffy could eat it if you're still hungry.'

y/n leans into me and smiles, 'You are the best cook I know. Thank you for coming after me Sanji, it means a lot.'

The two of us finish our drinks and leave the tavern, y/n holding onto me as they stumble having drunk on an empty stomach.

'On a scale of one to ten, you're a nine, and I'm the one you need,' I say seriously, but wiggle my eyebrows at them.

y/n bursts into laughter, 'Never change Sanji.'

From now on I would try and find the right balance because I never wanted to lose y/n.

[multifandomdummie]

Zosan first kiss?

Right after they met in Sabaody.

I just know these guys were craving each other desperately when they were apart. At first they thought it was because they wanted to fight and pick on each other, but then they realized there was something else.

And Sanji felt it the moment he saw Zoro emerging on that ship he cutted, a lot bigger and stronger than he ever was. Sanji had to light a cigarette so his thoughts remain control. There was no doubt of his feelings at that point.

Zoro's full body trembled when he heard Sanji's voice for the first time in two years, the scent of Tabacco helped him realize it was not his imagination anymore, the idiot cook was really there, his body not as thin as he remembered, his legs seemed to be toner, only his brows remained the same.

Zoro swallowed thick as he got closer to the blonde one, his whole body felt hot and weak for some reason. The swordsman, after a long talk with Perona, realized that he might not despise Sanji as much as he thought, maybe not at all.

-you are such a headache, you know? - Sanji said as soon as they were together - always wasting time, I knew I had to look for you so you don't mess up my reunion with my beautiful ladies - Sanji smoked his cigarette, slowly - Nami-san would be really mad if you delay us - Zoro grin a little, looking to the cook's eyes, they seem bluer than ever

Sanji felt the air got stuck on his throat. Out of all the ideas he had made on his head about Zoro physical appearance after two years, the missing eye was definitely not on his list, let alone think it looked kind of good on him

-is it for Nami or were you so desperate to see me that you had to come find me?- Zoro said staring at the blonde one - there's no need to hide it, ero-cook - the swordsman started walking to the opposite direction of where they were suppose to go.

-you are even dumber than I remembered - Sanji throw his cigarette at the floor, stepping on it and started walking behind the swordsman who decided to take a turn to his left - fucking unbelievable - the cook had no other remedy than to take the same direction, but at the moment he got there, Zoro was nowhere to be found - you are always such a pain in the ass - Sanji started to complain while he walked through the empty street - always getting lost, always causing trouble, always so, so, so... - Sanji couldn't find another adjective to describe the swordsman when the felt a hand in the back of his neck, making him turn around.

- so what? - Zoro asked as he cornered Sanji against the wall, his other hand pressed against the wall near to Sanji´s head. He started to feel dizzy when his whole body was in touch with the blonde's - just spit it out, Sanji - the blonde had to swallow thick, hearing Zoro saying his name with him this close was definitely making his body weak - am I so what? - Zoro locked his eye on Sanji's, waiting for an answer.

- so stupid, you are always so stupid - Sanji said trying to play tough as he wasn't loosing his mind at that moment. Zoro smiled a little.

- you are driving me crazy - the green haired released his grip on Sanji's hair, moving backwards - you have no idea - Sanji hand grabbed his wrist, preventing him from moving further away.

- why? What's on your mind?- Sanji asked, getting closer again -want to get rid of me? you want to cut me in pieces? - Zoro had to breath slow to control himself, Sanji's soft tone was making his blood heat - want to kill me? - the cook whispered when their breaths were combining again

At this point they were just tempting each other, trying to find out who will give in first, but both are dying for the other, craving it like crazy.

- I wish that was the first thing in my mind, curly, I really do - Zoro clenched his jaw trying to remain focus on anything else other than Sanji´s face this close to his, provoking some dangerous thoughts on his mind.

- is it not? - the cook asked faking confusion - then what is it that you want? Mosshead - Zoro's fist tightened, he was trying to remain calm - is just you and me, no one will see you - Sanji got silent for a second, his craving for it as much as the mosshead is - oh, for fuck sake Zoro, just do it! - in Sanji's head that was an order, but to Zoro's ears that was the cook begging for it.

But the swordsman couldn't take it anymore, his hand was back in Sanji's hair, pulling back to make the cook get against the wall again, kissing him without waiting anymore. Theirs lips frenetically moving against each other, their breaths heavy and agitated. They have been waiting for this for two years, they don't have time for sweetness and delicate touches, they have a desire to satisfy and they need to do it now

Zoro pushed Sanji's head closer as he hand in the wall wrapped around Sanji's waist, he wanted to feel every inch of the cooks body. The cook´s hands were travelling around Zoro's bare chest, trying to save in his brain the sensation under his fingers as the swordsman kisses him with such a fervour.

They stopped kissing after their chests were out of breath, blushing a little after what just happened between them.

- you see how right I was about you being desperate to see me? - Zoro said while raising and eyebrow, moving his hand from Sanji´s hair to his waist, forbidding him from move.

- shut the hell up - the cook frown - you were the one who kissed me first, stupid mosshead - Sanji´s hands slowly moved from Zoro chest to his shoulders

-you were begging for it - Zoro sight moved to the cook´s lips, feeling the urge to kiss him again. Sanji wanted to respond, he really did, but that look on Zoro´s face while looking at him, made his brain struggle to process information.

They looked at each other, silently. They needed to feel that they were real, that it was not longer their imagination. When Sanji's arms were around Zoro neck, the swordsman couldn't help it but to kiss the cook again, this time slower, taking his time to enjoy every sensation. The softness of the cook's lips, the way both mouths danced in synchronization, how their bodies fitted together.

- fuck, you really drive me crazy, ero-cook - Zoro said as their kiss broke, joining their foreheads.

- is because you are really stupid, mosshead - they both laugh a little, trying to decide if they should go or if they wanted to stay s little longer in that dark street Zoro found for them

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~•••~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hear me out!

Sanji definitely learned how to flirt with men in Kamabakka Kingdom and Perona 100% taught Zoro how to behave with the people he liked

But they are still Zoro and Sanji, they need to send the other to eat shit before they eat each other's mouth. That's why I think it happened like that

[chiefbeifongcanrailme]

24. "That's a very stupid idea."

for Linumi if you wanna!

Ofc, I wanna. I always wanna😌

“One, two, three- one, two, three- there you go. You still have it”

Lin rolled her eyes. Bumi's arm tightened on her back, almost as if he was trying to lift and place her in position because of her disastrous dancing. Weddings weren't fun. Dancing was even less fun. But, Bumi had asked nicely. It wasn't a pity ask either because she was standing there by herself. It was a uniformed man with slicked-back hair proffering his hand out for a dance with a lady.

She had danced with Bumi before- in fact, he was the one who taught her when she was young.

Feeling her apprehension, he commented to put her at ease. “You're doing good, Linny. You remember your steps.”

“Bumi, I was five.”

“And a natural," he added happily. 

Lin was rigid, focused on her elbows and feet while Bumi glided like the music carried wind. In retrospect, she was probably better off standing in her corner, away from the crowd than making a complete fool of herself in the middle of the dance floor.

She looked at the space she previously occupied. She could afford to zone out only because Bumi was such a good lead. He'd never let her falter. He'd never let her feel worse than she already did- well, knowingly. He was one person who understood- or at least pretended to understand the hefty emotional undertones of her vulnerabilities. 

Coming back to the dance floor, Lin's eyes wandered. She noticed the trio with nothing in common gather together- Suyin, Tenzin, and Mako- watching them intently.

“People are staring,” she whispered.

“Let them," Bumi said nonchalantly.

“I don't like it.”

“You don’t like dancing either, but here you are.”

Lin groaned, stiffening her movements a touch. Bumi simply yanked her forward and forced her body to move with his, and Lin did not like how easily he did that. Or how defiantly her body followed along. 

“I’m going to smack them senseless until their eyes are looking in two different directions.” 

Bumi’s whole body shook with laughter, forcing a growl out of Lin. 

“You didn’t used to laugh at my threats before.” 

“That’s because you weren't threatening me! I am terrified of you.” 

“And yet through all your wisdom you chose to ask me to dance?” She countered with a slight smirk. 

“My wisdom? You think I’m wise now?” He chortled out. 

Lin rolled her eyes. “I was being sarcastic.” 

“Ah, right. It’s a good color on you. But you know what’s not?” 

“I have a feeling you’re going to tell me whether or not I ask.” 

“A woman as beautiful as you wasting away in a corner far from the dance floor.” 

Lin scoffed with disgust. Bumi had always been a flirt but he knew better than to make his sweaty moves on her. 

“But speaking of wisdom, where was yours when you agreed to dance with me?” 

Lin thought back- she had been fooled by his crisp uniform and tame hair. She had become his brain-dead conquest of the week. 

“Fine, I thought you looked good too,” she mumbled, looking away to hide the blush on her face. 

“Do my ears deceive me?” He gasped more dramatically than necessary before spinning her under his arm. 

“Shut up,” she grumbled. “You know you look good.” 

He pulled her close. “I know I know I look good. But I didn’t know you knew I look good. Or that you thought of me as someone who looked good.” 

“Oh come on now. Don’t make me—“ 

Her body slammed against his as he swayed her from side to side only using his middle finger on her lower back. 

“The only thing I’m making you do is dance.” 

Lin rolled her eyes again. “As if there’s anything I can make you do.” 

“Of course you can!” 

“Please.” 

“Try me,” he acquiesced. 

“Get Tenzin, Suyin, and Mako to stop staring at us,” she demanded. 

“I could do Suyin but I don’t think Tenzin and Mako are quite capable of looking away from you,” he said with a laugh. 

“Don’t start with me—“ 

“Okay, fine. But you have to trust me.” 

“Okay?” She said apprehensively. 

“Once I do this move, neither one of them is ever going to be able to look at you. Is that fine with you?” 

“Fine by me,” she said. “Especially if this is a permanent fix.” 

“Good,” he said with a grin. 

Lin noticed a course bead of sweat fall from Bumi’s forehead down on her hand which rested on his shoulder. He wasn’t winded- even though they’d been dancing for quite some time- he was moving like the air. So why was he sweating? 

Nerves, Lin realized.

And then just to put her hypothesis to test, she clumsily lowered her hand such that her palm splayed across his chest. The nervous heartbeat confirmed her suspicions. 

“Are you going to dip me?” She asked flirtatiously. 

Bumi was lost in focus. “Something like that.” 

He moved her hand back up to his shoulder where it belonged and with a firm grip on her back, he lowered her, head-first to the floor. His body followed behind hers and his other arm ensconced her body as he pulled her back up. 

Lin had to curtail those rabid butterflies in her belly. Those hyper-feminine jitters had to go. 

She realized she was only feeling this way because her eyes were locked with Bumi’s. The deep gray sea danced in his eyes, leaving a storm in Lin’s belly. It was eerie how gently his hand cupped her cheek, juxtaposed to that typhoon of endorphins. 

Before she knew it, her face was moving at a glacial pace, closer and closer to his. Until his lips closed the distance. 

Once she felt his mouth fully, the taste of that rich liquor he had sneaked in coupled with the rush of kissing a man as wild as Bumi left her breathless. It didn’t matter if they were the only two people there or if everyone paused to stare at them.  

Somehow he had her so immersed in him, Lin was well beyond that moment. 

When they parted, she found that his hands had reached her back again. Their feet remained grounded in place as their bodies moved apart. 

It was Lin who smiled first, forcing Bumi to relax. He did say he was terrified of her. 

“So—“

“I—“ 

They both spoke at that same time, inciting a laugh out of each other. 

“You first,” she said. 

Bumi shook his head. “Not until after you.” 

Lin pursed her lips but before she could assimilate her thoughts, Bumi blurted out, “I can’t tell you how long I’ve waited for that.” 

Lin snorted. “Was that your big idea? If they saw us kissing they’d never be able to look me in the eye?” 

Bumi’s hands moved to his sides. Now they were the only two people standing in the center of the dance floor while the others twirled.

“Well, yeah.” 

“It was a stupid idea,” she said with a smile. 

“You have no idea,” he retorted. 

Looking around, he proffered his arm out. Lin gladly ran her arm around his as he escorted them off the dance floor. 

“It looks like the three of them have scattered,” he commented after noticing Mako with Bolin, Suyin out of sight, and Tenzin frantically running after Rohan. 

“So your plan worked,” she said. 

“Yeah. What now?” He asked distractedly. 

“What now indeed.” 

“Maybe we could kiss a little more?” He suggested. 

Lin wanted to join her brows together so badly but she wound up biting her bottom lip instead. So she relented. Flirting back with Bumi wasn't as terrible as she had imagined. Especially if he lived up to the title of the best kisser in the United Forces.

“I could get behind that.” 

“Or maybe I could take you out to dinner? That skewer you were holding didn’t look very good. Maybe some real food?” 

“I could eat.” 

The two of them began walking towards the exit, hand in hand. 

“Maybe after food, we could go back to your place and kiss some more?” He asked. 

“Mmm, you’re full of good ideas today.” 

“And then maybe we could repeat these sequences of events every day until the end of our days.” 

Now Lin laughed. But she was smiling when she said, “That’s a very stupid idea.” 

Five word prompts from here

[elliespassagerprincess]

The air is getting crisp fall is coming so a bôa song is definitely needed can you do twilight by them

Twilight - (ellie williams x reader)

hi anon! Your wish is my command! Ugh I wish it was fall where I live, it's literally so fucking hot lmao... I hope you enjoy it <3

this story is based off the song Twilight by Bôa, if you can please listen to the song as you're reading:)

Pairing: ellie x fem!reader

requests are always open, feel free to leave one!

HUGE Warnings: descriptions of violence, murder, death, gore, sadness, small mention of depression and graves (don't read this if you aren't in the right mental state)

Summary: In which you couldn't win Ellie's heart

Authors note: ladies and ladies, the violence is back! Idk man it's been a while since I've written something like this. Remember you are loved <3

Your word and my word and her word is

Yesterday, today and tomorrow

And twilight gives me, an inner sanctity

And you're feeling, and you're hungry for her

And you don't understand it

But you know you haven't planned it

Your feelings and mine are all lonely

And dawn comes you're there lying with me

And you reach out to touch me, but I am in the twilight

You heard Ellie let out a sigh as she continued venting to you about Dina.

Stupid Dina.

Seems like all Ellie could talk about was her.

Why her? Out of all the people on the fucking planet why did it have to be Dina?

"She said "hey Ellie" and she didn't even smile with me! like what the fuck???" Ellie practically yelled with frustration.

You rolled your eyes at Ellie.

"Ellie calm down maybe she had a bad day"

Ellie stopped pacing around the room to look at you.

"Yeah.... you're right! She doesn't hate me she's just tired" Ellie said with a small smile.

You watched as Ellie lowered herself onto your bed and she looked up at you with a shy smile. She reached out her arms in your direction "cuddle?" she asked softly.

You let out a sigh as got into the bed spooning Ellie. She let out a hum of satisfaction.

"Ellie you need to stop doing this"

"doing what?"

you only shook your head and thought: "making me fall in love with you"

"friends don't cuddle" you brought up.

"Friends do" Ellie argued.

"Dina wouldn't like this" you added.

"well Dina isn't here right now" Ellie spoke matter of factly as she snuggled closer to you.

All you did was sigh as you brought your hand up to scratch Ellie's head. She let out a moan and she closed her eyes.

"You are a great friend, you know that?" Ellie spoke through a yawn.

Yeah, you were a great friend.

Your feelings and mine are all holy but,

You know and I know it's untrue because

When day dawns you're there lying with me

And the dawn can fly away

And you know I love you but you know that

There's nothing you can do about it

Because you love her, and you still want me

If I could be her... but I'm not her and she's not me

And you're somewhere different, on a different planet

You loved Ellie. You loved her a little more than a friend should.

Every time you saw her, your heart raced. She made you feel hot by just giving you a smile. Ellie made you feel things. Things you've never felt before.

You loved her.

But you knew she didn't feel the same.

You lay many nights next to Ellie, listening to her complain about Dina who's oblivious to Ellie's feelings.

It hurt you.

Seeing how Ellie always smiled when Dina walked into a room. Seeing how excited Ellie got, every time Dina said something. Every time Dina complimented Ellie, she almost exploded with joy.

It made you sick.

You tried being Dina.

Maybe Ellie would love you if you were someone else.

Maybe it was the way you did your hair? Was it the way you dressed? Was it the way you looked? What made Dina so special?

You tried cutting your hair the same length as Dina. You started dressing like her. You even copied her stupid music taste.

You tried. You tried so fucking hard.

But you could never be her and Ellie would never see you like that.

You knew Ellie loved you. She wanted you, but not in the same way you wanted her.

You were her best friend.

The girl she could go to with her problems, the girl who would help her with her hair and outfits.

You were nothing more than a friend.

You wanted to be Dina and you prayed to the gods that you could become her. But you didn't. You were nothing more than a friend in Ellie's eyes.

You saw how much Ellie's crush on Dina affected her.

How much it hurt her knowing that Dina most probably doesn't feel the same. And you being the amazing friend that you were, you decided to help Ellie.

You made it your mission to get them together.

Even though it hurt you knowing Ellie would never love you, as long as she was happy, you'd be happy too.

That's how you got yourself in your current position. Sitting across Dina in her apartment.

"So" you stared as you took a sip from the orange juice Dina gave you.

"we need to talk"

"about?"

"Ellie" "What about Ellie? Dina asked confused.

"do you have feelings for her?" you asked.

You watched as Dina burst out laughing, you watched as she threw her head back from laughing.

Anger sparked in you.

Why the fuck was she laughing? What's so fucking funny about liking Ellie?

After a while of Dina laughing, she slowed down breathing heavily before she let out a "Why would I like her? She's weird".

You felt your eye twitch before all hell broke loose.

How dare she say that about Ellie?

Your Ellie?

Ellie loved her so much and this is what Dina had to say?

This was the girl Ellie loved. She didn't deserve Ellie. If only she knew the amount of tears Ellie cried for her.

fucking bitch

You leaped from where you were sitting onto Dina, you straddled her as you punch her over and over again.

"How-"

*punch*

"dare-"

*punch*

"you"

*punch*

You don't even know how long you sat on her, and listened to her beg.

"Please" she whimpered as she tried getting you off her.

You eventually got off her breathing heavily as you looked down at your hands.

Your knuckles were bruised, and your hands covered in blood.

Dina's blood.

You looked over at her, seeing her slowly breathing. She didn't move, she didn't even make a sound.

Maybe she was unconscious.

You couldn't even recognize her with all the blood and bruises.

If Dina woke up, she would call the police. She would tell Ellie. Ellie would hate you.

You couldn't let that happen.

You slowly walked back from Dina, as you heard glass shatter. Your head snapped in the direction of the sound.

You saw pieces of glass scattered everywhere. And your orange juice was all over the floor.

Fuck you wanted to drink that.

You slowly bent down to pick up a shard of glass, and you held in your palm.

You walked towards Dina and you slowly pushed the glass into her trachea. You watched as the blood seeped from the wound.

You took a step back, leaving the glass shard in place. The blood dripped all over her throat and clothes, blood came out of her mouth.

Soon after Dina stopped breathing.

You killed her. You fucking killed someone.

You knew you made the right decision by killing Dina, because now you finally had Ellie to yourself.

And you still want it

The inner sanctity

And it's an evil

But the evil is necessary

And you're still hungry for her

And you still want her loving

But she doesn't love you

You watched as Ellie sat next to Dina's grave. She was sobbing.

Why the fuck was she crying over someone who didn't feel anything for her?

After Dina's death Ellie really struggled. She struggled to accept that the girl she loved wasn't here anymore. And what hurt Ellie the most was that Dina never knew.

Dina never knew the love Ellie had for her.

You watched Ellie spiral. You watched how she suffered.

Your plan was get rid of Dina, not the hurt the girl you loved.

Late at night when Ellie would lay in your arms you would sometimes feel regret for what you did. You didn't know it would affect Ellie the way it did, and you never wanted to hurt her. The guilt you felt soon get's replaced with pride when you realize that you got rid of the girl that was only going to hurt Ellie.

You saved Ellie. You saved her from rejection and embarrassment.

You knew she would get over it eventually.

Ellie's life wouldn't stop because her crush died. At some point she'll just have to accept it and you'll be here waiting for her with open arms.

You quietly walked towards Ellie as she sobbed next to Dina's grave, you raised your right hand putting it on her shoulder.

Ellie looked up at you, and in her eyes you could see how broken she was.

"It's ok Ellie" was all you said before she continued to sob into her hands.

You let out a sigh at the sight.

Months after Dina's death you realized that Ellie wasn't going to forget so easily.

You watched as she printed out pictures of her and Dina, and she placed it all over her apartment. You watched as she went to Dina's grave every week.

You listened to Ellie cry almost every night.

Even though you knew Dina didn't feel anything for her, Ellie still wanted her. Ellie still craved Dina.

Yes, she got affection from you, but you were never going to be enough.

All she wanted was Dina.

And you knew in the years to come Ellie wouldn't be able to move on and forget.

Even though you were there for her through everything. Even though you showed her nothing but love, the only person Ellie ever wanted was Dina.

She wanted Dina's love. Dina's care.

You were nothing but a friend. The realization made you sick.

You did everything for her.

You even killed for her.

But you'll never be Dina.

All you could was comfort her and hope, she'll one day feel the same.

[short-black-diamond]

Jock vs. Nerd

part two

Had this little thought in my head...in a quirkless!college!AU...where you're a pretty girl, a popular one too...also, you're a very dominant young lady...and where you fell for the friendless, geeky, shy nerd...Izuku Midoriya...and leaving the jock, the most popular...the hottest guy in school...Katsuki Bakugo...heartbroken.

Thoughts on this? I have.

Warnings: ANGST, Bakugo: one sided-love, Deku: What? A hottie wants to date me?!, You: Come here, cute nerd! <3, Bakugo is a himbo, you're smart and pretty, Izuku's shyyyyyyy

Just to be clear: English is not my first language, so please bear with me :)

[your name will be Yena here. :)]

Have fun reading:

---

"I'm telling you, she likes you!", Denki nudges his jock friend Bakugo, who only swats the blonde's hand away from his shoulder. The Bakusquad was known for being good on the field in football and so being pretty popular already, but scoring even more points with the chicks because of their good looks, and with Mina Ashido being the cheer captain, one of the most popular girls in U.A. High and also one of your best friends.

And you.

Oh, please.

Don't get him started.

Should he start on how he met you? How he fell for you when you yelled back at him which made him flinch? How he couldn't get that cute frown and sweet pouty lips -which he never could stop daydreaming about kissing- of yours out of his head? How he thought that you were a literal angel when you treated his wounds? How softly you spoke to him, not yelling at him for losing their big game because of him?

Or how you'd always help him and the team out in their finals because wow; A hot and intelligent human being taking their time explaining them the subjects with a sweet voice and soft smile? Where Denki milks out every single advice and reassurance he can get form you, blushing like crazy with a stupid and smug grin directed to his teammates (where these signal him that they would kill him as soon as the study session with you was over) when you pat his head comfortingly?

Where Sero openly subtly flirts with you and you think he's only joking and flirt back, only to have him gulping while looking to the side with a shy grin but bright red face? Where Kirishima looks at you like you hung the stars because you explained him the difference between Mitosis ans meiosis in baby steps until he got it, and he gives you a dopey, lovesick grin with heart eyes. And he'd gasp softly when you'd call him a "good boy!" for explaining the difference after you've explained it to him ten times patiently (Everyone glared at the himbo with murderous intent).

Or where Shinso and Monoma asked you out multiple times in a row with you having to check your calender -a sweet, old fashioned-themed little book with a real feather and ink to write on- turning the pages a concerning amount of times with your delicate fingers (which makes the guys wish it'd be wrapped around something of theirs instead of that little book of yours) giving them a sad pout before telling the whole football team that you're not available until the next four months, which leaves the two least shy guys groaning in despair out loud and the rest looking to the side with a frown and some even cursing under their breath.

Sure, he was jealous that his teammates were ogling at you and blushing when you praised them since they were all crushin' on you, leaving him fuming in his seat, but oh, look how the table fucking turns and lands back on its legs like nothing happened when he finally has your attention. And even when he tries to listen- he really does! -he can't help but admire you.

You, who is so fucking hot and smart Bakugo's actually surprised that he hasn't popped a boner yet.

You, his childhood friend of nearly ten years, starting from pre school and onward, who he never thougth he had a chance with you until he got your attention in these little lessons you gave them, where your focus seemed to be on him and him only, where he started to sweat like crazy, especially his hands and his heart beating rapidly, his pen already slipping out of his hand, and when it does, you catch it with a fond smile before giving it back to him. However, you lay one of your soft hands on one of his caloused and scarred ones and you sigh and he thinks that you're going to ask him out on a date, to marry him, to confess your feelings to him in public-... when all you say is: "I know all this stress is taking a big toll on you, Katsuki. How about we study for fifteen minutes and do a little break, hm?"

And he can't help but nod, because suddenly, He feels a big stone in his throat, he feels like crying, scratching his eyeballs, hitting his head against a wall, because why would such a perfect little girl want to go out with a dumb himbo like him?

He knew that he was more the annoying best friend to you, because he always bullied you for being smaller than him, but no shit because he was literally a six foot something giant. He couldn't even attract you with his handsomeness, nor his rippling muscles and flexing body when it was too hot out in the summer and when he subtly tried to steal a glance at you, wanting to know if you were checking him out like all your girl friends did around you, he only found you giggling at something on your phone.

Yeah, Bakugo put on his shirt after that with a hurting heart, leaving your surrounding friends whining like greedy little bitches and running towards him.

...

Bakugo sighed. It was a nice dream Denki told him. Because Bakugo knew how much of a big, fat crush you've had on Deku. But what made him become your crush?

Deku's always invested in his books.

Deku's never seen without his baggy pants and oversized hoodies.

Deku's never talked to a girl except Uraraka or his mom.

Deku's never had a friend (except Bakugo himself) over at his house.

Deku's always muttering and scribbling away in his notebook or phone, where he's playing a nerdy fantasy game in the medieval times and sometimes whispers a silent, cringey: "Thou shalt be killed with that goblin-sized brain of yours...!", before you can hear a faint growling and slicing sound coming from his phone.

Deku, who never seems to actually take care of his hair, which is always in all places, too curly, or always in his face where he combs his fingers through his hair to actually see what he's doing.

And then you come into the game.

Whenever Deku does any of his little- to you very cute -antics of his, you sigh dreamily while looking at him while he writes away the english assignment he had trouble working on and you were more than ready to help him, leaving Bakugo gagging and growling quietly, staring daggers into your and Deku's head.

Or when he was over at your place, and he tried talking to you but you were too engrossed in something your phone showed you, he got fed up and snatched your phone quickly, Deku's name flashing as the chatting contact and then, he is being shoved down the ground from little ol' you, who is on top of him. Big, buff and strong Bakugo being overpowered by little sweet you, his big nose flaring up after he caught a wiff of your sweet scent and bakugo can already feel his dick twitching from where your heat was resting, but you quickly took your phone back and went into your room. However, you didn't close the door after you told him to get the fuck out of your apartment with an embarrassed red face. bakugo groaned and stared up at the ceiling, heart and dick throbbing in pain.

That's when he knew that you were crushing on his childhood friend.

...

One day, as you were chatting away happily with your friends, you spotted Izuku and called him over. The thing was, it would've been okay if you were with two or three of your friends, and if you guys were chilling in front of the classroom, or on campus. But no.

It was in the fucking cafeteria where you, Yena Hideyo, called a guy over to you. A cafeteria, where you were surrounded by your dozens of friends, all eating and munching, also surrounded by even more people and the cafeteria was extremely full today. Still, you beckoned him closer and suddenly, he felt all eyes on him.

I mean, it was the first time that the most popular girl in U.A. called a guy from the same age over to sit next to her and have lunch with her, except the freshmen, where the girls and boys all blushed from your milf motherly care and were asked about how school was and how you, their senior, would do everything in your might to help them. (U.A. ended up being the highest scoring school in Japan, thanks to a little help of yours) Also, they'd all blush from the close proximity you and them were in, because they could smell your scent, your glowing, sexy figure, where your thick thighs threatened to spill from your mini skirt, or how you had a too small shirt with a much too big cleavage on, where your large tits were spilling out a bit, or how your sweet tummy rolls were so cute -visible from the stomach-free top you wore sometimes- that they had to restrain themselves from pinchining them, or how nice your hair always looked, and with perfect makeup.

That's how Izuku felt, like a freshman, when he finally sat down next to you after he took an eternity with everybody's glare on him.(it actually took him less than ten seconds to speedwalk from his previous spot to yours but who cares) he could feel your unintentionally strong gaze on him and he allowed himself to feel important for once. I-if you were looking at him like that, then it was hard not to think that he wasn't special in at least some way. Izuku could smell your sweet vanilla perfume, but didn't dare to look into your beautiful face, let alone away from his hands in his lap, because if he even caught sight of your nice thighs, he'd be a goner, choke on his spit or thin air and die. He could even hear the thoughts his peers where having. How come Yena calls over such a loser? How come he gets her attention? What's so special about him? He's a nerd!

But you don't seem to care in the slightest, just happy that your favourite nerd (and crush) has taken your plea to sit down next to you. "How are you Mido? English hard? Do you need tutoring lessons?", you started speaking already after he took a bite to let him think about his answer, your friends looking at this little interaction with offended and confused faces. Why was he eating while you were speaking to him? Can't he chew a little faster to finally answer you?

And after he was done finishing his first bite, he began to ramble, but only for you and the person sitting next to him to cromprehend. "W-well, I actually do have a little trouble with English, but I think I'll manage, I don't want you to take more than you can handle- I mean, y-you- of course, you can handle things! You're- you're Yena Hideyo after all! I just d-didn't want to bother you with my problems, since you're already preparing the decorations and routine for prom and the big game is starting to come closer too and I just don't-"

"Breathe, Izuku.", you said gently, holding one of his hands which he was fumbling around when he tried to explain himself. You led it towards the table and smiled at him. Of course, he'd blush like crazy and nod before breathing. Unfortunately, the person sitting next to him was no other than Katsuki Bakugo, who'd of course laugh at him for not being able to speak coherently let alone look you in the eyes. Also, Bakugo wanted to embarrass Izuku in front of you as much as possible, so that you'd finally stop pining after that nerd and start catching feelings for him. That resulted in Izuku pale-ing/paling(?) and eating his sandwich until it was no more, all the while he had to endure this bullying side of Bakugo, which somehow still, never dissapeared.

"Ahahahahha- haaaa...you're one funny guy, nerd. Always muttering shit and not even being able to talk to Yena-" "Kats, that's enough. Drop. It.", your stern voice echoed in the big cantine, leaving everybody in shock.

They knew that you were Katsuki Bakugo's best friend and rumours spread around like crazy whenever students saw you and Bakugo interact with each other, playing with the thought of you and the jock being a couple and all. What they didn't know, for example, was that you, their little sweet sunshine of U.A., who'd always aid with a soft smile and calm voice, could hold such malice in her voice and glare at her friend of ten years with such hatred.

It left the eating ones stop chewing, the talking ones stop gossiping, the loud ones become quiet and Bakugo look at you with a shocked-I'd even dare say betrayed expression on his face. Even Izuku looked up from his sandwich to look to his right, where Kacchan was looking at you, then to you, who was giving him an annoyed look. The school bell signalled that the lunch had ended, much to everyone's dismay, and they all walked out with food in their hands.

You packed your things, but not before whispering something in Izuku's ear before you went away with your people, all the while not sparing the blonde football player a sliver of your attention. Izuku quickly stood up and ran as fast as he could, because 1. He talked to his crush-resulting in his heart beating rapidly against his chest, and 2. His crush stood up to Bakugo, with the whole school seeing them bicker wich was rather embarrassing to Bakugo...yeah, he'd kill him for that. And since Izuku didn't feel the need to die at the moment, especially after you've seductively whispered in his ear to meet you at 6 pm sharp, he ran up to the library to hide in the labyrinth of bookshelves, because Bakugo wasn't really known for his knowledge in this area, but he could still catch up to Deku.

However, since Deku knew this world of books like the back of his scarred hand, he easily dissappeared between the endless seeming shelves with his scrawny, thin body, leaving Katsuki lost and irritated. After a while, after Izuku was long gone, Bakugo found the exit and puked into a nearby dustbin because he couldn't stand the chance of seeing so many books, even though their backs were facing him. It scared him that there was an endless variety of pictureless books, where it wasn't like in comics and he also never understood actors and actresses in movies who always said that a movie would play while they were reading a book. so much for being a himbo.

...

"There you are!", you exclaimed happily, also glad that Izuku didn't leave you waiting any second longer. He even rang the bell to your apartment one minute earlier, which was probably because his watch was set one minute earlier so that he wouldn't come late to meetings and school and bla bla bla-

"U-uhm, yeah! You look pretty!", he said loudly, and you giggled. Taking his hand, you lead him to the living room, where all sorts of english books and literature were piled on top of each other. In total, there were only ten books, but they were thick.

Izuku was left dumbfounded. He thought that maybe, just maybe, you...well...uh, well!

"Are you hungry? I made us some pizza.", you said after he sat down and looked at the pile of books. He only nodded, a little dissapointed at the fact that he didn't get dicked down by you(...yet).

As he smiled up at you with a nod after he put on his sweet round glasses -with you internally dying of his cuteness- you made your way over to the oven of your apartment because you were already a big girl and could look after your own money which led you to invest in stocks and become rich but that's for another story (?👀?).

As you were taking out the pizza to examine the quality of the crust and middle part, being satisfied at how nice the cheese had melted, Izuku came inside and noticed you in an apron. To him, you were looking like his sweet little housewife, ready to be taken care of at the counter where he'd first eat you out and then the pizza-

Aaaaaaaaannnnd there went his dignity with his cock straining against his jogging pants. Well, shit.

"Hey Mido, need somethin'?", your sweet voice asked him and he felt his heart squeeze because you were just so perfect to him and he couldn't believe that he was alone in your home with you. "I-I jist, uh, I mean, I j-just wanted a glass of water-", and he pointed towards the sink behind you, "C-can I?"

This left you gasping and you smacked your head. "Silly me! Where are my host-manners!? I have other beverages as well! Orange juice? cherry juice? All Might smoothie? Apple-" "A-ALL MIGHT!", The nerd interrupted you and you couldn't help but burst out in laughter in his cute little antics and fanboying towards his idol the ingeneering master, Yagi Toshinori-Also known as all might.

"Okay sweetie!", you cheered before going to the fridge and giving him a fresh All Might smoothie. (it was literally a protein shake.) He loved that you didn't tease him for loving what he did, and he felt very precious in your presence. you never ushered him to something he never or didn't want to do.

Izuku took the smoothie with a precious grin and thanked you before going over to the english books and reading through them. So that's how you were always on top of the classroom...you must have been studying like crazy. And these books were amazing! He instantly understood what he did wrong when reading through the explanations.

The smell of perfectly baked pizza caught his attention and you put the sliced food in the middle of the table. You looked at him holding one of your books. "Understanding?" "Yeah, Thanks."

You smiled. "That's good to hear."

You were on your laptop, looking through some of your investments and writing emails like a professional and Izuku blushed. What were you not actually? You were smart, helpful, nice, sweet, calm, a good advisor for young and old, and you were pretty. And here you were too, helping him out by lending him some of your books to read and learn, and not expecting anything in return.

Even though he was thankful, he was greedy. Especially when somebody as extraordinary as you offered him an endless amount of help. He wanted more of your attention, more of your sweet words, and...your touch. Your hands and lips on him. The ony thing was, were you feeling the same? Probably not.

I mean, look at him, he's a nerd! Nerds don't get pretty girls like you. He could already imagine your phone going off any moment with Kacchan calling you, to ask if you'd be free today and then you'd excitedly say-

It seemed like he was staring at you too long, because after a while, you looked at him before stopping to write in your laptop. "All okay?"

Midoriya gulped nervously. Well, here goes nothing...!

"I...Uh-well, Uhm. There-there was s-something I'd like to tell you. B-but promise that you, well, that you won't laugh- or look at me with a disgusted face, or well, not a good reaction! I-just, I...I like you. Like, really, I really, really like you. I always have! From the moment I saw you for the first time where you helped a freshman reach their class and I couldn't take my eyes off of you, because you were just so pretty- which you are still now!-, and because suddenly, many people were talking to you and you had answers for every question they had.

Or the time where you were helping a teacher with finding their exams and when they found it, they were sooooo happy. Or just...all those other times, where you were just ....there!..... for everybody.

And it made me think...what about you? I want to help you. I like you, and I want you to get something in return for all those nice things you do everyday for everyone. So...what would you like to do?"

You looked at him for a moment of pure shock, not expecting him to know about your little dilemma, or even confess to you. Sure, you loved helping people, but you didn't like owing them stuff, or them having to do something for you. So...hearing your crush confessing his feelings for you and wanting to help you too, that made you swoon.

You hugged his arm and sighed. "...can we stay like that?"

Izuku gulped, feeling your soft chest, and small arms hug his toned arm, your knees on his thigh. "S-sure...!" But he still didn't get a reaction from you for his feelings. "Uh, would you like to go out sometime?"

You hugged him tighter. "Let's do that another time, love. I just wanna be close to you right now." And that made the boy happy.

"I'm surprised that you could see through my act though.", you said after a while, tracing some of his veins and scars which made the boy errupt in soft shivers. "D-don't wanna be creepy...but I can always see you...and I only see you helping people. Never anybody helping you."

You kissed his cheek by his little speech and he made happy noises. However, you didn't stop. you started connecting your lips to the arm you were hugging and pulled up his sleeve further and further until Izuku had to take it off. He was in a short sleeved grey shirt, oversized, and his thin arms were shaking with anticipation. Each time you kissed one of his freckles or scars, he felt more and more nervous. Sure, it felt nice and he cherished the moment, because it was very intimate to him. But still, he had his worries. He knew that you'd become a romantic maniac with your partner, but he never thought that he might become yours. Or were you just messing with him? Teasing him like the girls in middleschool did?

"Uhm, Yena-" "Hm? Wanna stop?", you asked, immediately backing away and about to let got of his hands when he grabbed them tightly. Strong shaking of the head. Your hands played with his hands and he felt his anxiety and bad thoughts drift away. "Wanna do something else?" Another shaking no of the head. "'want you to k-...kiss me...more...please?", he pleaded, looking up shyly to you with his thick long eyelashes. God, his eyes were so fucking pretty...!

This time, you let go of one of his nice but shaking hands and gently grabbed his cheek. "...Like...this?", you whispered against his mouth with hooded eyes and he whimpered, already leaning in with closing eyes. And when you brought your lips against his, he felt amazing. Every cell was partying as he grinned stupidly against your lips and intertwined your fingers with his, his other hand holding your hand which was on his cheek. your thumb caressed his cheekbone and Izuku sighed into the kiss in pure bliss. How many nights had the nerd been dreaming about kissing his popular crush? How many times did he want to hold your hand and just have you close to him? He couldn't remember and didn't want to either, when he had the real you right next to him, and taking his first kiss.

After a while, you parted and looked him into the eyes before smiling giddily and burying your head in his scrawny chest to giggle like a highschool girl. He was happy. If you were giggling like that and still holding his hand- this time more tightly- then it had to be that you were in love with him as he was with you. he hugged your frame, but something caught his eye; Bakugo.

The jock was standing in the corridor, his backpack threatening to fall down and scare you when it crashes to the ground, face twisted into anger, jealousy, hatred and hurt, and heavy, quick breathing. If Bakugo had been here a little earlier, he might've changed something, but no. He saw everything. From the moment where you started to kiss his knuckles up his shoulder and then...kissing his lips. Like you two were a real couple. You really loved Izuku.

he went out again and called one of the girls Denki recommended him. "Yer free t'night? Need to fuck out some pain."

[animezinglife]

Sending this here because I didn't want to clutter that post.

I won't get mad at you for having an opinion different than mine 😂 don't worry.

I guess your opinion of Hazelwood is like mine with Colleen Hoover. She's just not for me.

Also my main issue with SJM is that she seems to have no idea where Acotar is going anymore. She takes too long between books and then forgets the original thought she'd had. She keeps changing her mind and retconning things.

Also if you have any romance book recs , I'd love to take a look.

I'm glad, and likewise! I've gotten a lot better over time in terms of pickiness towards books, and I fully acknowledge that there are two different types of "good" books: books that someone loves and enjoys, and books that are genuinely well-written. Ideally, those overlap, but not always.

I think my issue is more with the idea that seems to be prevalent that SJM somehow "is" fantasy, or that her books are at all an accurate representation of the genre when that simply isn't true. There's room in the genre for different types, but I personally can't look at someone who's only ever read SJM and call them a fantasy reader--they aren't. They're a Sarah J. Maas reader.

I had to switch to audiobooks to overlook her grammar and punctuation errors. Again, that's something an editor should be helping with, and I can't understand why better quality work isn't being done. All writers make errors--none are perfect. Yet there isn't an excuse for the volume of them in her books given the resources at her disposal and investment publishing companies have made in them.

The lack of consistency also frustrates me. I don't understand why she "undoes" so much without providing appropriate context or reason, and for me, that even comes down to the fundamentals of the story. This could be helped somewhat with adequate worldbuilding, yet when it comes down to it, even the Night Court could at best be described as, "Whatever Feyre and Rhys want it to be." Or, it's culturally/politically whatever the plot needs it to be at that specific moment.

ACOWAR felt like the end of the series to me, so I think you bring up a good point with her not knowing where to take the story anymore. Maybe she does, and maybe she doesn't. There's always been a lot of aimless writing throughout the series, and each book could easily be cut down about two hundred pages without losing any substance or necessary detail.

There's a lot of room for complexity and intrigue she simply never digs into.

What are the consequences for the bargains being made (besides the short-sighted death pact)?

What do the people of Night truly think about a twenty-one-year-old human girl who became High Fae yesterday being made their High Lady?

What is the depth of the impact of Feyre's and Tamlin's actions to the survivors in Spring? Their lives were uprooted because their High Lord made stupid decisions and their lives were worsened because of a messy breakup.

SJM does deliver on the romance between Feyre and Rhys. I wasn't as sold on Nesta and Cassian (even if I love Cass). I'm curious to see what she will do with either Elain and Lucien or Elain and Azriel (or Azriel and Gwyn).

Aside from the first book (which, let be real, was completely unnecessary given the direction things took), the romances aren't at all my issue with her writing. The worldbuilding has always been an issue: there's no grounding, technology makes no sense, and fashion seems completely random in Night.

The retconning is inexcusable. It's very clear to me that regardless of what she says, she had very different plans for Tamlin at the start of the series. I always thought he and Feyre had no chemistry and that the whole thing felt forced, but she gave no such indication of awareness in the book. Feyre, in my opinion, immediately had more chemistry with Rhys, and while I think it was obvious something was inevitably going to happen between them, SJM took the easiest routes possible for herself (story be damned) and made Tamlin a mindless villain.

Did I ever like Tamlin? No.

Did I think he and Feyre needed to be together at any point? Definitely not.

Do I think he deserved to be written better and for his character to be given more nuance after spending an entire book with him? Absolutely.

I'm worried about what she'll do with Lucien, Elain, and the Autumn Court. Lucien has been my favorite from the beginning--I joked early on about him being exhausted from carrying all of Prythian and the entire first book on his back. Elain has tremendous potential in her own right, and so does the Autumn Court.

I would actually rather see SJM slow down in her writing. I think the speed shows when the story and characterization becomes messy and careless.

Recommendations

It depends on the type of romance you'd want. Carissa Broadbent is the complete opposite and not only digs into multifaceted characters, complex political systems, and intricate psychology, but she pretty much never comes up for breath. Each book in every series she writes gets better as it goes along. My favorite is her Crowns of Nyaxia series, but The War of Lost Hearts (an earlier series of hers) certainly checks the high fantasy worldbuilding boxes on a entirely different level. Every point that I feel SJM misses, Carissa nails.

Be warned: she will gleefully make you question quite a bit about your own morality.

It's not strictly fantasy romance, but Katherine Arden is also excellent in both prose, character complexity, nuance, and worldbuilding (the same strengths Carissa shares). I recommend The Winternight Trilogy.

If you're looking for something quirkier with a wildly twisted sense of humor, T. Kingfisher's Paladin's Grace is a great option. Her characters are also in their thirties/early forties in The Saint of Steel series. There are a few typos I recall seeing and the (obviously) intentional use of run-ons during humorous action scenes. The first two books are great. I did want more out of the third one, personally.

I recently read The Spellshop by Sarah Beth Durst and can say I will gladly pick up more of her books in the future. She has a lovely, gentle command of language, and this book in particular is the definition of cozy. The romance is light, but it's very sweet. This is a whimsical read perfect for a cottagecore crowd. I will say while I felt the last act wasn't as strong as the rest, it was still more than worth the read.

I haven't yet read Hoover, but I've heard quite a few similar opinions. At the end of the day, something not being for us doesn't mean we're against the author's success or bashing anyone else's opinions. It often means we either value different things in books or our opinions have been formed through different experiences.

[violentvaleska]

𝑨𝒃𝒚𝒔𝒔 𝒐𝒇 𝑴𝒆𝒎𝒐𝒓𝒊𝒆𝒔

ғɪᴠᴇ ᵈʳᵉᵃᵐˢ

ᴘᴀɪʀɪɴɢ: ʟᴇᴠɪ ᴀᴄᴋᴇʀᴍᴀɴ x ғᴇᴍᴀʟᴇ!ʀᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ

sᴜᴍᴍᴀʀʏ: sᴏ ᴛʜɪs ᴛᴏᴏᴋ ᴍᴇ ᴀ ʟɪᴛᴛʟᴇ ʟᴏɴɢᴇʀ ᴛʜᴀɴ ɪ ᴇxᴘᴇᴄᴛᴇᴅ ᴀɴᴅ ɪᴛ ᴄᴇʀᴛᴀɪɴʟʏ ɪs ɴᴏᴛ ᴀs ʟᴏɴɢ ᴀs ᴛʜᴇ ᴏᴛʜᴇʀs (ʏᴇs ᴀ ғɪʟʟᴇʀ ᴄʜᴀᴘᴛᴇʀ ᴇᴠᴇɴ, ɪ ᴀᴍ sᴏʀʀʏ) ʙᴜᴛ ɪ sᴛɪʟʟ ʜᴏᴘᴇ ʏᴏᴜ ғɪɴᴅ ɪɴᴛᴇʀᴇsᴛ ᴛᴏ ᴄᴏɴᴛɪɴᴜᴇ ᴛʜᴇ sᴛᴏʀʏ ᴀɴᴅ ɢɪᴠᴇ ɪᴛ ᴀ ᴄʜᴀɴᴄᴇ <3

ᴡᴀʀɴɪɴɢ: ᴠɪᴏʟᴇɴᴄᴇ, ᴍᴇɴᴛɪᴏɴ ᴏғ ᴅᴇᴀᴛʜ

ᴄʜᴀᴘᴛᴇʀs: ↫ ᴘʀᴇᴠɪᴏᴜs ɴᴇxᴛ ↬

ғᴀɴғɪᴄᴛɪᴏɴ ᴍᴀsᴛᴇʀʟɪsᴛ

ʀᴇᴀᴅ ᴏɴ ᴀᴏ3

ᴛᴀɢɢɪɴɢ: @ajmiila02 @xiernia

ᴀ/ɴ: sᴏ ᴛʜɪs ᴛᴏᴏᴋ ᴍᴇ ᴀ ʟɪᴛᴛʟᴇ ʟᴏɴɢᴇʀ ᴛʜᴀɴ ɪ ᴇxᴘᴇᴄᴛᴇᴅ ᴀɴᴅ ɪᴛ ᴄᴇʀᴛᴀɪɴʟʏ ɪs ɴᴏᴛ ᴀs ʟᴏɴɢ ᴀs ᴛʜᴇ ᴏᴛʜᴇʀs (ʏᴇs ᴀ ғɪʟʟᴇʀ ᴄʜᴀᴘᴛᴇʀ ᴇᴠᴇɴ, ɪ ᴀᴍ sᴏʀʀʏ) ʙᴜᴛ ɪ sᴛɪʟʟ ʜᴏᴘᴇ ʏᴏᴜ ғɪɴᴅ ɪɴᴛᴇʀᴇsᴛ ᴛᴏ ᴄᴏɴᴛɪɴᴜᴇ ᴛʜᴇ sᴛᴏʀʏ ᴀɴᴅ ɢɪᴠᴇ ɪᴛ ᴀ ᴄʜᴀɴᴄᴇ <3

Year 849 

The last two years have been hard, much harder than what you endured with Captain Levi. Shadis trained you well, exhausted you to the point where you lay sick in the barracks for a good month. But you made it, you perfected your ODM skills, you are not too bad with the blandes and you are building up muscles. You have made friends with some of the older cadets and get on well with Eren's group. Most of the time, though, you were on your own, writing reports to Commander Erwin whenever you could. He never really answered, and for the first two months you thought he had not received them, fearing he might send the Captain after you, but he never came. Your dreams are nothing but strange. Sometimes they show clear events from your past, and you can now at least remember what your parents looked like. You even remember the names of your siblings; Maria (like the wall) and Tommen. It makes you happy to put a name to their faces, though you still feel hopeless about yours. Nothing but black spots surround your brain when you try to think. In the other dreams you have, you see absurd scenes that always seem to take place in your future.

You dreamt of a decapitated blonde man, saw several of your new comrades dead or even imagined Eren turning into a titan, how absurd. Even though you still believe they are nothing more than your imagination, you kept your promise to the Commander of the Survey Corps and used your free time to write down those damn dreams. With your thoughts, you clung to a rather old, but remarkable one. Ilse Langnar, a Scout soldier, was able to communicate with a Titan that later ate her. It felt so real, as if you'd been there with her. You were even able to understand the Titan who, to your surprise, spoke of "Lady Ymir". Whether he was referring to your comrade you don't know, but it's certainly not a coincidence. Nor are your visions. You had them with Eren and Captain Levi at random times, but the trigger was always a touch. That's why you started to avoid touching others, or at least to avoid the combat training with Eren. It's confusing and unpleasant, and by now you can tell that he also has these vivid visions.

You stretch your arms out and lean your upper body against the wooden wall of the canteen. The wind rustles through your freshly cut hair and you look off into the distance, catching sight of a man riding directly in your direction. The stallion is quite fast, and you can see more cadets leaving the canteen as he gets closer. Jean stops next to you, wondering who it could be. With a shrug, you try to make out the figure. Black hair, pale complexion and a green cloak. You have a certain suspicion, but you pray you are wrong. It has been a good day so far, his presence would only ruin it. Gulping as you finally recognise the man, you let out a sound of annoyance, catching your comrades off guard.

"Do you know this guy?" Reiner asks, looking from you to the rather small man with obvious interest.

"I do." You answer matter-of-factly, noticeably tense, as the Captain's gaze falls on you while he jumps from his horse and marches straight towards you.

"Oi, stupid brat. You're coming with me." His demeanour is even more rude than you remember, and the dark circles under his eyes make him look even more terrifying. The cadets whisper, their eyes fixed on the strongest of men. "That's him." You listen to Eren chattering to Armin. "Captain Levi." The blonde boy speaks softly and gives you a suspicious look. He must have noticed the high-ranking soldier's grey eyes on you. It's strange for a cadet to be familiar with the higher ranks. Levi comes closer and holds out his hand to you.

"Are you deaf or something?" His hand wraps around your arm as you pull away, trying to gain a distance from him.

"Shit, stop struggling." The Captain demands, clearly stressed over something unknown to you. You hear the cadets talking in deafening whispers, none of them daring to interrupt your manhandling.

"You can't order me around, I'm not your subordinate!" You complain loudly and stretch out your leg to kick him in the side, but he blocks it easily.

"That's fucking hilarious, Faye." His voice stern and his eyes bored, he grabs your other arm and pins you against the wooden wall behind you.

"Now calm down. I have a few questions." But you don't calm down, you just keep wiggling in his firm grip.

"I've sent Commander Smith all my reports, what's there to talk about with you stupid..." Before you can hurl one of your height-related insults at his head, a loud voice makes everyone but Captain Levi stiffen.

"Levi. Is there a reason for your unannounced visit?" Shadi's words are sharp as he approaches the two of you. He clearly doesn't like the hard man and demands an answer.

"Erwin send me. It's a personal matter." His eyes never leave yours, and while it scares you how much control he's able to exert over you, you can't help but feel captivated by his beautiful orbs.

"Look Captain, I don't know what Erwin has planned with Engel, and frankly I don't care, but I would appreciate it if you would stop mistreating my cadets." With that, Levi lets go of you, causing you to stumble back a little out of breath.

"I need to borrow her, it won't take long." Is all the dark haired man says as he takes your wrist in his surprisingly large hand and leads you away from the group.

"Have you told anyone about the dreams? The memory loss, or how you just spawned out there?" Clearly suspicious that you have broken your promise to the Corps, Levi questions you as he walks away from the wooden building to get some distance. What he's about to discuss with you is a private matter ans should not be overheard by those damn kids.

"No. I haven't even told Shadis, apparently Commander Smith made him think I was some natural talent he found on the street or something." The Captain scoffs and shakes his head in mild amusement, remembering how Erwin had a soft spot for hopeless strays like himself.

"Good." Is all he says and stops abruptly. There's silence and for a moment the two of you just stare at each other. Levi's eyes roam over your form and he makes a mental note of how well you keep yourself together. 

"17 years ago, a scout spotted a man just outside the Shiganshina district. He only remembered his name, nothing else. Grisha Yeager." He begins, crossing his arms as he looks at you.

"Three years later he got married and had a son. Eren." You swallow, your eyes wide as your heartbeat increases.

"What?" is the only thing you manage to blur out.

"It was never discovered how he ended up outside the walls. Though it's highly suspicious that the first thing you remember is the name of his only son." He points out, glaring at you. It is a strange coincidence, nothing more.

"So that's it? You are just going to throw your conspiracy theories at me again and make me feel bad about something I have no memory of?" You spit and narrow your eyes, avoiding eye contact to create a new sense of security, as looking at him only seems to break you.

"No, that was just the beginning." He slowly but noticeably draws closer, his hand fidgeting dangerously.

"A few months ago you had a vivid dream about Scout Ilse Langnar, does that ring a bell?" Raising an eyebrow, you give him a quick nod, remembering the damn dream well enough.

"Tell me, what happened in your dream?" The question seems a little off, as if he's testing you. But why? You think for a moment, closing your eyes as you try to come up with an answer.

"Ilse was separated and her ODM equipment was damaged.  She ran, looking for safety in titan territory. But it was no use, one of them caught up with her." The Captain raises an eyebrow, clearly anticipating your last words, and after a pause you continue.

"It was an abnormal one. Instead of eating her, it talked. It said something about a lady called Ymir, Ilse was able to write it all down, but unfortunately the titan killed her in the end." This detailed confession leaves Levi stunned and for a while he just stares at you, his eyes wide and his body frozen. Did you say something wrong?

"Did something happen?" You ask uncertainly, uncomfortable with the way he stares at you, as if he's seen a ghost. Levi finds it hard to answer and instead grips both your shoulders tightly.  

"A few days after your report reached us, we lost Ilse Langner during an expedition. No one knew what had happened to her. We thought it was strange, how could you have foreseen her possible death, right?" The grip gets harder and he bares his teeth dangerously, frightening you.

"And then yesterday we found her bloody notebook." You swallow, your eyes widening at the realisation.

"What?" You ask, seemingly out of breath, your body tensing slightly. "This can't be happening." You think, whimpering at the thought of having had a prophetic dream. What if your other vivid dreams are also coming true?

"How is that even possible?" Levi rolls his eyes at your words, his hands moving over your shoulder to grasp your collar.

"You tell me." Clear threat in his voice, you try to get some distance between you, but to no avail.

"Captain." You fold your hands, hoping to shake some sense into him. Your relationship has been rocky from the start, and while you have done your best to be polite and pleasant, he still treats you like a threat.

"Cadet." Levi may appear emotionless on the outside, but you can tell he is nothing like that on the inside. People think he's cold, doesn't care, or is just a sadist. While the latter may be true, frankly you don't know, the stoic Captain is certainly no emotionless wreck. Mike told you that Levi was the first of the higher-ups to appear in the chambers when he heard your screams on that eventful night exactly two years ago. The Captain even took you to the nurse and stayed with you the whole of the night. A careless man would not do that for his subordinate.

"You know, that scares me too." You whisper on the verge of tears, leaning into his rough touch that isn't meant to comfort you.

"How many of my dreams could come true? Why does this happen?" Sharing your thoughts with him aloud makes it even more emotional and you let the tears fall, a hiccup leaving your lips.

"I don't even know who I am." The harsh reality of your words hits Levi harder than he thought and he lets go of you immediately, as if he had burned himself. Looking at you, he notices that you look healthier, stronger, but still sleep-deprived and tear stained eyes make you look almost harmless.

"Erwin is going through all your reports, looking for clues as to what might happen next." He explains, and you notice that he has calmed down. It is a good sign, even a sure one.

"The moment he found out about the notebook and Ilse, he lost it. We didn't understand why, but then he showed us your report from months ago..." Levi stops and brushes his hair out of his face.

"Fuck. I don't even believe in that stupid prophetic shit, but this is no coincidence." You nod silently, agreeing with the Captain. It sounds so unreal, the whole ordeal, that you are responsible for the death of a soldier, it makes you feel sick.

"Captain..." You trail off nervously. Your big eyes stare down, avoiding to look at him.

"I've seen so many of our comrades die in my dreams. I can't even imagine..." His interrupting you isn't entirely new to you, after all he never respected you enough to let you finish.

"Then don't." Short and cold, his usual exterior. It's his way of showing you how it's done.

"Don't think too much about it for now, it will only lead you further down this path." Darkness covers his expression and you can see that similar nightmares haunt him. You can't even imagine how many friends and comrades he must have lost over the years.

"The reports mention that you dream about me often. What are they about?" Captain Levi demands to know, making you blush. These dreams are strangely intimate and you wouldn't even dare mention them out loud to anyone.

"Oh. Um... is it important?" While you're clearly embarrassed and feel that he's overstepping your bounds a little, the Captain doesn't seem to notice.

"It is to me. If you can predict death, I'd like to know mine." He shrugs, causing you to roll your eyes.

"I've never seen you die in my dreams." You huff, unimpressed by his attitude.

"Oh, so what do I do in your dreams, hm?" It surprises you to see him in such a playful mood, as if challenging you to say something for his own amusement.

"Ah, let me think?" You say, pretending to be deep in thought for a second.

"Hm, maybe you'll hit me or call me stupid?" Being arrogant with him hasn't helped you in the past, but it's worth it.

"Tch. And I thought I was being too gentle with you." Levi groans and moves his head to the side when he sees you laughing. It's strange, he's never seen you in this mood before; light-hearted and calm, even though the situation is serious. You are also less tense than before, seemingly getting used to him and his harsh nature.

"The training has done you good." The Captain lets his thoughts roll freely over his tongue, his eyes wandering unashamedly over your now relaxed form. "Just checking your condition," he tells himself, trying to ignore the way the belt of your equipment hugs your hips perfectly.

"I suppose. I feel healthier." You comment, cheeks flushing as you cross your hands behind your back.

"Good Cadet. Keep it up, you might even learn to ride." Levi can't help but give you a small, barely perceptible smile as he turns away, not even bothering to wave goodbye.

"Mike never stops talking about you, write to him sometime. The big bastard is getting on my nerves." And with that he leaves you standing there, confused, alone and deep in thought.

[elvisabutler]

#15 Fluff prompt with army! Elvis where you know he’s been seeing other girls and you just met him but he actually really adores you/makes time for you. Kinda took inspiration from the Anita phone call where he’s nagging her about calling, this is different, he wants her to visit and call.

called ya, didn't i?

fandom: elvis presley | elvis ( 2022 ) rating: t for some implications but again pretty tame pairing: elvis presley x female plus sized reader word count: 1249 warnings: mentions of elvis and his ladies' man ways. mentions of the reader deciding men are trash. minor insecurity on the reader's part, nothing too woe is me, more practical than anything else. reader is of age ( i mention her daddy so it needs to be said. ). author’s note: thank you for this anon! this was adorable and after the- smut army elvis prompt i got i discovered he's actually quite fun to write. hope you enjoy this! this is done for my 1k gala, based on fluff line “just call me whenever you like.” y'all know the drill, real elvis or austin elvis works fine for this despite the moodboard.

If there's one thing, and one thing only that your parents have taught you, it's not to be stupid around boys. It's to know that most boys are stupid and don't have your best interests at heart, instead they have their own interests at heart and are slaves to their own desires. Army boys- be it the ones you've grown up with on bases in various places or the ones who've been shipped off to fight in wars or to just be a peacekeeping force- are ten times worse. Something about the fact that they know they can be shipped away at any time makes them practically caustic with other people's feelings and hearts. No, you know better than to fall for an army boy.

Or at least, perhaps you you did. You thought you knew better and then Elvis Presley came strolling into your life and you- oh, you feel that God has to be mocking you. He has to be mocking you because there's no way Elvis Presley would show interest in you. You're confident enough in your figure, it errs a little too much in the rotund direction for some but you like it just fine. Figure that whoever you want to be with would do the same, tell you how much they enjoy the plushness of your stomach and of your various parts. You know the type Elvis goes for, however, and you- oh you- are most definitely not it.

Yet, here was Elvis sending you letters and finding out your phone number from other people because you're so charming every time he talks to you. He never gets to talk for long, someone always pulling him every which way but it's fine, you think. It's fine because he's got all those other girls, the nice refined girls who look good in the papers and even the ones that just look good, even if no one but you and half the base know about them. No, it's better this way, better that you don't call him and you just leave him be to the other girls. Leave him to charm them like he kind of charmed you.

Except Elvis keeps making time for you. He keeps pushing aside whatever girl he has on his arm at any given function to come and say hello to you. It's not unwelcome but it's strange, it's strange to see Elvis Presley making time for you. It's even stranger still that one night he asks you on a date. A date your mind tells you that you should accept, you shouldn't accept because he's going to inevitably toss you aside like you just watched him toss the other girls aside. It's a date you do accept though, one that's filled with dancing a little silly till the slow songs start and he's twirling you as if it's the most natural thing in the world. It's a date filled with so much joy you almost forget it has to end until Elvis is on your doorstep placing a chaste kiss to your cheek.

"Gonna let me take ya out tomorrow night?" He murmurs, his hands against you cheeks, his thumbs rubbing them slightly. "Please, darlin'."

You agree and your life becomes a whirlwind of dates and phone calls and Elvis getting sent to Paris where you know he's got another girl so you don't call. You don't call for over a week until Elvis calls first. Your instinct is to remain sweet and charming because even if he's got another girl probably in the next room over but you can't help the way you pout just a little.

"Why are you calling me? Don't you have a pretty French girl to kiss and spend your time with?" The hurt seeps into your tone despite everything. You knew better and yet- yet you thought maybe this was different. "I didn't call you for a reason, 'Vis."

There's a silence on the other end of the phone call before you hear a muffled curse before he groans. "Baby, I ain't got any French gal. I got you, but no French gal looking to be mine." He pauses. "Ya really think I ain't- Baby I'm mad as hell ya ain't here wit' me. Why would I- That's why ya haven't been callin' me? Ya think I got someone else?"

It's your turn to be quiet on your end of the line as you listen to his breathing and hear a slight huff of a laugh leave him before you answer. "Well what am I supposed to think? I know how you are and how girls are and how I'm cute and pretty but not your-"

He cuts you off. "Not what I go for? Darlin'- now I want ya t'listen. I jus' call me whenever ya like. I wanna hear ya voice, wanna hear 'bout ya day. Wanna get to know ya real well. Thought I made that pretty clear 'fore we went to Paris but I'm guessin' I didn't now."

"Oh Elvis." Those are the only two words that cross your mind at the admission and you're struck by a faint rush of embarrasment that you had read the situation so wrong, that you had allowed your judgment to be a little clouded when it came to him just because he was Elvis and just because he was a boy in the Army. It makes your heart twist a little before you finally gain up the courage to speak again. "You really mean it? You aren't teasing, are you? I know you do that too and I don't think I could handle you doing that to me. It'd be real mean."

"Baby. My mama'd- God rest her soul- she'd ask God to smite me if I lied about this. No lyin' I want to get to know ya better 'fore my tour's over. 'Fore they send me back home. If I get to know ya and we like- we enjoy each other more, ya can come home wit' me. Already want ya to visit me more often. Wanna see ya. Hear ya."

A laugh leaves you, a soft little thing that Elvis thinks is something a little bird might sing before you speak. "I- Okay. Alright. I'll- I'll call tomorrow night, how about that? Because I got to sleep, Elvis. And we'll talk and I'll see if my daddy can help me see you."

You can hear the relief and the smile in Elvis's voice when he answers you. "You better. And- I know you're a good girl, I do, but I wanna kiss ya on the lips sometime soon. Can we-"

"Maybe. Play- Play your cards right, Elvis. I'm not so easily swayed you know." You answer is a little cheeky and earns a loud bellowing laugh from him in response.

"Best answer I'll get from ya. Alright." He pauses and hears someone yelling for him before he curses yet again. "Listen. You 'member. Tomorrow night. Gonna be right by the phone waitin' for ya."

He has to hang up before he gets confirmation from you. But the phone call he gets the next night and the night after that and the one after that might just be enough of one. Enough of one to take you on another date when he sees you and one that ends with a proper kiss. And perhaps it's just maybe enough of a confirmation to talk about taking you back to Memphis with him.

[shey-meine]

Whumptober 2024 - LMK fic

Like the rest of my fanfics:

' ' for thoughts

" " for speech

No triggers, don't worry, just some minor self-esteem issue

{honestly surprised how MK hasn't got trust issues yet, with how many times he's been tricked]

MK was in Flower Fruit Mountain, waiting for Wukong, who called him for something, but wouldn't say why. He patiently sat on the edge of the mountain, looking at the horizon. He hated being alone like this, with nothing to do, since it gave him time to think.

He tried to only think about happy things, like his friends, his family, what Pigsy was doing, revisiting the stories Mr. Tang would tell. But then, one of the tales made him remember about the calabash. Oh, the calabash. It was a HELL. Everything was “perfect”, sure, but it was so unnerving. He should've figured something was up sooner, he's so stupid.

‘I'm sure if it was anyone else they would've figured it out’ He thought to himself, sighing heavily in frustration. He then started thinking about all the times he was tricked. And there were many, where he should've guessed sooner. ‘I mean, what would a little girl be doing in the sewers, close to spider queen's lair?’

He brought his knees to his chest, hugging them tightly ‘And I shouldn't have trusted Azure so fast. Why would he be inside Monkey King's lair?! This makes no sense! Why did I trust him so easily?’

His thoughts started to spiral out of control, going from ‘you're so stupid, anyone else would've figured it sooner’ to ‘if I had known it before, none of my friends would've gotten hurt’. As he started to panic, he didn't notice Wukong getting closer, touching him in the shoulder when the kid didn't answer his name being called.

MK jumped slightly, tense as he looked at Wukong with wide and scared eyes, before realizing where he was once again and sighing in relief. “Oh, hey, Monkey King! Sorry, you gave me a scare. Did you find what you were looking for?” MK hurriedly sent a question in Wukong's direction, in hopes he wouldn't notice how he was tense before.

But of course, the king simply looked at him, worried. He got a little closer and sat down, looking at MK, looking for what to say. He took a deep breath, putting one of his hands on his shoulder “MK, bud, I know you don't like to talk about your feelings, but take it from someone who has been doing it for too long, you need to talk to someone.”

Mk just blinked, not sure if he should or shouldn't talk with Wukong about it. What if he started blaming MK for being so naive too? He didn't think he could handle someone he admired so much to think he was guilty. What if he decided to no longer have his as a successor?

Before he could spiral further into his own head, a voice spoke from the shadows “He's right, you know, kid? For once” the six-eared Macaque said as he got out of a shadow on the wall, leaning on it as soon as all his body got out. “I thought we already had this talk, at the theater? How you should talk about your feelings? I know I was tricking you” in a lower voice he complemented with an “again” before continuing “but I was serious about it.”

MK got mad at the mention of him being tricked, small tears forming at the corner of his eyes “That's exactly the problem! I fell for your tricks, just like I fell for Lady Bone Demon's, the fake reality on the calabash and just like I fell for Azure's acting!”

Both Macaque and Wukong were taken aback by the sudden outburst, but before they could react, MK continued. “I was so stupid! I shouldn't have trusted them! I-it didn't even make sense for me to trust Lady Bone Demon, even if she looked like a little girl! I mean, why would a random kid be close to Spider Queen's lair?! And the calabash was so obviously a trap! Anyone would've figured it out sooner”

He started rambling, tears starting to stream down his face as he started to finally let his emotions flow. He started furiously wiping his tears, not wanting to cry in front of his mentor and his ex-mentor. He opened his mouth to continue, but Wukong interrupted him before he could.

“Hey, hey, MK, it's okay, none of these are your fault.” He motioned his hand in front of MK, trying to calm him down “you were just trying to help, anyone in your position would've tried to help a little girl. And Azure always had a certain… charm, in tricking people. And, I'm sorry, but you got stuck in what?”

MK calmed down, his tears not apparent anymore, but he was still sniffling a little “In the calabash” MK answered in a small voice, thinking that, if Wukong didn't blame him before, he would definitely be mad he got himself caught in the calabash, but Wukong just looked at him as if proud “and you were able to get out, alone, I suppose. Great job, bud! [I have no idea if it's hard or not, I'm so sorry if it's inaccurate:/] Look, MK, if you hadn't helped them, they would've gotten what they wanted in some other way. You did what you thought was right, and got everything back to normal when was wrong, and that's all that matter”

Macaque cut him out “AND! Don't forget that these two were originally Wukong's problems, not yours, so the fault is not yours, is his, since he's a problematic monkey” he teased, trying to lighten the mood for the boy. He added, rather awkwardly, if this was even possible for the simian “And I'm sorry that I too dragged you into my fight with Wukong, I shouldn't have tricked you, kid”

MK felt both shock and relief. None of them blamed him for trusting the others, didn't think he was naive for trying to help, even if it resulted in something worse happening. Wukong got up and ruffled his hair. “Don't worry about it, okay? Just keep helping others, and if they are tricking you, we'll just need to make things right again, as we always do, fix everything.”

Mk laughed a little as Wukong messed with his hair, getting up, his body less tense, and his confidence better “Thanks, Monkey King. Thank you too, Macaque” the shadow monkey just gave a smirk “Don't mention it, kid”

Wukong got up too, smiling at MK, happy that the kid was feeling better. They proceeded to look for what Wukong wanted to show MK, which was the whole reason he was even up the mountain.

[brilliantfantasticgeronimo]

66.7512 meters episode!!!

i think i broke his heart! oh well!!!! ÑLKÑLK ruby y are u so happy about this all the time skfljdks1 (waiting for the karmic writing where someone breaks *her* heart....). tbh also very doctor-like. they are *so* unhinged

i was looking for some Spin-off foreshadowing in this war between land and sea business but best i've got is that... it will probably be set in wales ksdlfj

nuclear war is hilarious. fiften u are not all right.

That's the most bizarre "circle" ive ever seen. if anything is the orthogonal projection of a geodesic dome.

"A pee around the back"…….. dr pee foreshadowing

AESOP #1: children, when u are doing "off the road tourism", don't disturb sacred sites

susan twist's "thing" is just gonna be: "take revenge from being killed so many times". like she's just red-shirting all over the place (maybe it's gonna be a bit of meta commentary of the high body count of this show? that it's all for our sadistic pleasure but doesn't always have real significance skfldj)

I guess inflation is a recurring theme this season?

liminal spaaaace

"and then there's the blood""w-what blood?" i laughed ngl sksksk

the different color fonts in iplayer are a bit distracting tbh…...

ah yes. welsh racism...

hmmm… runy sitting in the chair... to wait in front of the tardis... "The one who waits?"

Thats' what men do skdksk love me some "Intergalactic fuck boy" subtext being voice and made text

Poor ruby ):

it's about the [metaphor for being stigmatized]!!!

Ohh the doctor was the first to disappear by the curse, maybe?

"even ur real mother didnt want u" Bro this monster is so mean wtf Kate!!!

AGAINST HIM, SOMETIMES!!!!!!!!! Antagonist kate be coming!!!

"well, that's classified"

This timeline might be suspended along ur event???

WE INVENT THE RULES AND MAKE THEM WORK!!! THEMES!! YOU HAVE TO COUNT EVERY GRAIN OF SALT!!! IT'S THE GAME THEME CONNECTING TO THE SUPERSTITION THEME!!!!!!!!

theeeemes

the more unit gets competent the more sinister they become

her going "cheers!" to her personal satan. i love u ruby

FUCK YEAH. ICON. GO KILL THE PRIME.MINISTER

...only guys in ruby's little montage ]: im heartbroken T.T rip the x5 times wlw companions streak dream it seems

"except the bed thing that was u" narrator voice: it wasnt

"Which is what?" KILL THE PM KILL THE PM DO IT ICON

Rtd connected to the universe skskdk oh beautiful synergy

[also literally how Y&Y starts... ]

"No more" feels loaded/intentional here, considering how it's been used before as an Important Phrase is War's arc.

the emo advisor guy intrigues me

Ruby having to solve this whole thing + cold war vibes.... mmm very ace coded

[lol @ soc dem / liberal writers being so scared of "populism" and "the dumbness of crowds". peak soc dem / liberal] [what is a "political allegory story" by a soc dem without the punchline being that "I think The People are really fucking Stupid actually"] [i do enjoy the side point of british politicians being so desperate for relevancy that they fire nuclear missiles for the fun of it. yeah… that tracks]

[lol becoming independent from nato being a bad thing. lol #"fucklybia!!"#signed:thisepisode]

the directing is very fun in this

Ruby get on your feets and make it happen

She's gonna say u forgot to say hi to this lady

ruby's asking to be shot again sksks

Iris u say…........ eyes emoji

[ok but also. lol not to go " ah, peak liberal again!" but lol. this resolution is peak liberal [ie. fundamentally antidemocratic, a few 1% technocrats (obvs, privileged and from the global north) with the answers "know what's best"]. this lad may have been crazy but they voted for him for a reason that "the system" wasnt providing.but in typical soc dem fashion they can't ever fight the fascists on The Real Deal ie. strength of a proposed political project + material gains resulted from those political projects + committing to real system change, so they have to scramble for antidemocratic solutions like [timey wimey prisons] to ""fight facism""" (ie not fighting it at all and by proxy, just making the fucking cockroaches stronger each "election cycle" because they can't fight them in a meaningful, political sense) bc the people are just too stupid!!! and this is why democracy was a mistake!!!!!!! ... sigh rtd. oh well good thing i didn't expect more on this front tbh sdlkjfdsd in that sense the s1-s4 rewatch prepared me well lol]

clara vibes in this ep in a lot of moments (old!ruby, sort of "mausoleum tardis", etc)

"i didnt travel with him long..." "but it felt like a lifetime" became literal…

"Everyone has abandoned me my whole life" T_T

AESOP #2: kids u are never alone <3 u always have ur inner demons :) and the unrelenting spectra of death~

There's always something a bit unsatisfying about self closing paradoxes... kinda like "oh it was all a dream so it didnt matter". but i think in this one it was crunchy enough with other things that i think it was balanced.

Very turn left-y ending! CONCLUSIONS!! people kept saying in the press this episode was gonna be "super scary" tbh i just found it.... profoundly sad sdxkljflkfj ruby's life just *screams* "missing the important bits by focusing on the unimportant" and "obsessing over things that don't matter" and "companion becomes detached from real life to the point they become super unhinged and callous" ("im sorry i couldn't help you marti")

(c+p some stuff i put on a discord): tbh i rolled my eyes at the political stuff but i don't think im even mad about it this time lol (too tired irl to get properly angry at doctor who these days ig)

anyway i dont think the political stuff is what it was really "about". i found this story very moving on what it was (imo) rlly about: ruby's fear and experience of being abandoned and also the general "fear of approaching death"

and obvs a bit of other emotional beats that are more specific to doctor who's long running stories: like the doctor "always does this" ie leaves everyone of his friends behind and there's the lingering tragedy that this will happen, as well, to ruby inevitably, then also both ruby and the doc becoming 'detached' from real life (ruby basically never investing anything in those relationships w/ those guys bc she was 'absorbed' by this mystery /clearly a parallel to her being absorbed by her parental origin) and also how tourists cant watch where they step / the doctor and co arent always respectful to the 'silly traditions' of the places they visit (tbh excellent bc to overcome my "this show has the white man's burden' engraved in its dna" meta... the show is gonna have to keep making story like and like Demons of Punjab for at least 3 more decades lol) (basically tldr i think it fumbled the politics stuff but it was rlly crunchy where it mattered. also, ....... i think this pretty much confirms that ruby isn't her own mother / the person who let herself at the door step in Christmas, right??? like rtd had said was the short story he had concocted years ago, and was the insp for this... but he kinda used up that trick here… so it must be something/someone else, right?) (another thing: ruby going "i used to be able to make it snow" made smth click....... ---> if ruby's whole focus rn seems to be about "the mystery", and this quest seems to be not only something she *needs* but also something that like... means joy and adventure, and traveling with the doctor... when she finds out the Truth,,, that probably means all the whimsy in her life will go away? (so she may come to a point where she Doesn't want to know Actually (which would be very "thirteen regretting throwing away the watch" realness mirror again)

[brainyxbat]

Chapter 23: The Battle is Over! Koza Raises The White Flag

(episode 120)

The feelings of those who are in anguish are crushed by a dry cloud of sand. There are those who seek hope, and those who cling to hope. Their feelings cross each other, uncertain what to do, marking an era of history ending in sadness.

Crocodile tries to get information on where the Poneglyph is, and announces a cannonball will be shot into the Palace Square.

Will this be the end of Alabasta? Or will there be real peace?

The sandglass of fate starts the final countdown once again.

After defeating Mr. 1, Zoro was trying to catch his breath, and stay conscious. "Dammit! I bled too much. I guess I'm lucky that the wounds aren't deep. But it does... hit me hard." He fell face-down on the ground in exhaustion. 'I wonder how the others are. No one'd better be dead; I wanna know what's going on.'

-

"What?! I have to pair with Lashes?!" Usopp griped. "He's a camel, for God's sake! Don't underestimate how weak I am!" Lashes grunted in irritation at him.

"It was because you were unlucky in the raffle! Just give up!" Sanji retorted.

"Alright then! Then promise me one thing: when we're in a pinch-" He bowed before him. "Make sure you save us, please!"

"Dummy. I only save ladies."

"I'll save you guys!" Venus beamed.

"Oh, thank you, Venus-chan!" Usopp bowed at her.

-

'Usopp...' Zoro thought, 'Venus...'

-

"Usopp, you're crying!" Venus pointed out in concern, as they were heading for the palace.

Usopp was now face-up on Lashes' back. "Who're you saying is crying?! Crying?!" He tried to deny it. "The one who says someone's crying is actually crying!"

She blinked up at him in confusion. "Actually, I'm not."

"But..." Lashes grunted. "That mole hag said... that Luffy's dead, so..."

Chopper listened in concern from the camel's head. "I-I wonder if it's true..."

"There's no way!" Venus exclaimed.

"You guys believe that?" Sanji questioned.

"Of course not!" Usopp shouted, as he and Chopper glared down at him. "Are you stupid, or what?!"

"Me neither!" Chopper added, choking up. "I don't believe it at all!"

Sanji recoiled in surprise, as Lashes growled. "Alright, already! Then what he have to do is get to the palace ASAP. Stow your snot away, until the rumbling of this battle stops." Usopp did as told, as Venus couldn't help but grimace. "Don't swallow it!"

-

'Is Nami okay?' Zoro wondered to himself, recalling one of her many moments of greed. 'Did she get away okay?'

-

"Ahh, they finally came off," Nami remarked after unwinding the mechanical bird from Ms. Doublefinger's unconscious body, "So this is what he meant by a powerful one-shot attack." She turned to look down the direction opposite of the palace. "The wave of rebels is already right around the corner. Though the situation has changed; in case, I should head to the palace."

'What's going on with Vivi? The battle seems to have started.'

-

"Chaka!" Vivi cried out after one of the head guards, who fought well with his abilities from the Dog-Dog Fruit Model: Jackal, but was taken down by Crocodile.

"Being weak... is a crime." He smirked.

"Vivi!"

She turned away from glaring at Crocodile, to see a familiar face. "K-Koza!"

Cobra, who was pinned to the wall by his elbows with huge nails, looked on in shock. "You... I see, you came through the shortcut you used to use."

"Is something wrong with my eyes?" Koza glanced around at the defeated soldiers and guards, Crocodile standing above them, and the king held hostage with Ms. All Sunday next to him. "I came to persuade the Royal Army, but... the king is... about to be killed by the country's hero. It's hard to believe what I'm seeing!"

Crocodile laughed evilly from his standing point. "This has become interesting! You're in the middle of battle right now, and yet both sides' leaders are facing each other here. This war is now a fight to the death between lizards whose heads are broken off."

Koza was silent in horror. "You seem confused," Ms. All Sunday smirked, "Well, that's just a natural reaction; but it's simple. Just imagine the worst possible scenario."

"Koza, listen-" Vivi cut in when he wasn't saying a word.

"Vivi! Who took the rain away from this country?!"

Vivi glared, before turning to the enemy. "Everything was-"

"It was me, Koza," Crocodile finished for her, "Everything you thought was the king's doing was a "trap" by my company. Over the past two years, you guys played right into our hands; when the royal family, and army were desperately chasing our shadows. You probably could've died happy if you didn't know this fact."

"Don't listen to him, Koza!" Cobra ordered.

"King..."

"There's still things you can do! Save as many citizens as you can!"

"Within less than an hour, the Palace Square will be blown up!" Chaka puffed out.

"What?!" Koza gaped.

"So you're still alive," Crocodile looked down at Chaka, and to Koza's horror, raised his hook.

"Hurry!" Chaka managed to shout out, before Crocodile struck.

Koza went to head for the Palace Square, but Vivi pulled him back, and he was on the ground. "No!"

"Vivi!" Cobra's eyes widened.

Koza struggled to get up, but she kept him down. "Hey! Move, Vivi! What're you doing?! The square will become a battlefield; if it really gets blown up-"

"I won't... I won't let it become a battlefield!" She vowed. "You're still panicking! What do you think will happen if they realize the Square'll be blown up?! It won't just be a panic! Once that happens, the war will no longer stop! No one will be saved!" She softened up at his silence. "Isn't that right?"

"Well, well," Crocodile smirked, "What a clever judgment."

"What we should do was decided from the beginning!" Vivi continued. "Which is to stop this plotted rebellion! And you're the only one who could do it!"

Koza held her wrist, and pushed himself to sit up. "Vivi..."

Before he could continue, Crocodile manifested behind her. "And you think I'll just sit back, and watch?" As Vivi turned around, and Koza began to draw his sword, Chaka leaped down between them, and blocked his strike.

"Chaka!" Vivi exclaimed.

"I am... the Jackal, Alabasta's guardian deity! The one who destroys the enemies of the royal family! As long as I still live, I fight!"

"That's what you call "stupidity"," Crocodile retorted.

"Do as you want, both of you!" Chaka ordered. "I can probably hold him back at least for a few more minutes!"

"Okay!" Vivi nodded, and took off with Koza. At the North Block, she found the royal army waiting for the rebels to come. "Raise the white flag to surrender! Surrender right now, Royal Army!"

Expectedly, the soldiers were confused at her command. "Vivi-sama! What's she saying?!"

"Surrender?!"

"If we do such a thing, what's gonna happen to this country?!"

"Hey, look! That's...!"

The leader of the rebels! "It's Koza! Why's the rebel army's leader here?"

"Listen to Vivi!" He called out from the top of the stairs. "We no longer desire victory, or fight! I want you to stop this battle!"

"What?! What's going on?"

Koza drew out his sword. "I will let this rebel army know, that this battle was pointless; that there's no longer a reason for us to fight! In order to not shed any more pointless blood, wave the white flag! Please!"

-

Meanwhile, the rebel army was still closing in, and fast. "The king's head is close at hand!"

"Ahh! We can now see the clock tower!"

"We're approaching the Palace Square!"

"Prepare to attack!"

To their confusion, however, many white flags were raised by the royal army. "H-hold it!" One man held his arm out, and the army abruptly stopped.

"White flags?! The Royal Army is waving white flags to surrender!"

Amongst them, was their leader. "Koza-san!"

"I-it's Koza-san!"

"What is Koza-san doing here?"

"Koza-san... what is Koza-san doing here? Why?"

"The battle is over!" He announced. "Everyone! Subdue your anger, and drop your weapon! The Royal Army no longer has the will to fight!"

Vivi clenched her fist, as she watched silently, hoping for the best. 'Please stop!'

The silence that followed lasted for what felt like an eternity. "Is that true?! Koza-san?!"

"Yeah; the battle is now..." He was cut off by gunshots from behind, going through his chest! One of the royal soldiers was a Baroque Works Billions agent in disguise!

"Koza!" Vivi screamed with horror, as he fell back.

[quickspinner]

What about an AU with Mari's Nona Gina actually being old friends with Anarka? Maybe Anarka was a younger member on one of the exploring/travel groups that Gina was in, they hit it off, & lost track of each other over the years Gina leaving for Italy again & Anarka's thing with a young Jagged. Maybe during Mari's birthday party Gina notices Juleka, a resemblance of an old friend, & it prompts her to stay longer while also reuniting with an old friend and Luka and Mari finally meeting?

Not only is this ask hella old (see I told y'all I always keep them if I don't get to them right away) but I took it in a slighty different direction. I hope you enjoy it anyway!

Always Have a Designated Driver

“Oh, my fairy, it is so good of you to come with me tonight. You know I could have taken a cab home.” Gina slipped her arm through Marinette’s and patted her hand. 

“I know, Grandma,” Marinette said, and left it at that. She knew Gina wouldn’t take well to any intimation that Marinette was worried about her in any way. Gina had been handling herself quite fine across multiple countries and it was stupid for Marinette to worry, but—well. Marinette worried anyway.

“I hope you will not be too bored,” Gina continued as they went into the karaoke bar. There were restaurant tables set up around the perimeter, as well as the bar along one side, and the stage was set up and ready but not active yet. Marinette felt a bit of a nervous flutter; she wasn’t completely naive but she was too busy to hang out in places like this on a regular basis. “Though I suspect that my pretty Marinetta will not have any trouble once the boys get a look at you, eh?” She cupped Marinette’s chin and wiggled it a bit while Marinette rolled her eyes.

“Grandma.” 

“Ah, your Nona loves you, my fairy.”

***

“You’ll like Gina,” Anarka declared, and Luka rolled his eyes as he got out of the car and followed his mother into the karaoke bar where they were supposed to meet up with some of Anarka’s old pals. 

She had been telling him about one of her old motorcycle buddies all week, who was finally going to be in town to join in the reunion night, and from her stories, Luka thought he probably actually would like Gina. She sounded like an interesting lady, who’d been to a lot of places. However, he doubted he would manage to say more than “hello” to any of Anarka's friends before the drinking and shenanigans started. He was really only here to make sure his mother got home safely. Most of the time, Anarka was pretty responsible with her drinking, but things always got out of hand when she had these get-togethers with her old crew, so he and Juleka took turns being her designated driver. 

At least karaoke had the potential to be entertaining. Hopefully. In his experience, entertaining and excruciating were the only two options. Usually a mix of both. 

He caught the door Anarka banged open and made sure it shut quietly, and a shriek went up from the bar almost as soon as Anarka entered. An older woman in a motorcycle jacket came barreling towards them. 

“Anarka, amica mia!” she exclaimed, and Luka took a step back as his mother embraced her friend. Both of them spoke over each other, and between that and their clashing accents, Luka had no idea what they were saying until they both turned to face him. Assuming he was being introduced, Luka offered his hand to the white-haired lady who looked at him over the rim of pink shades. She slid the sunglasses off and shook his hand. “Luka, so nice to meet you,” she said in slightly accented French. “I’m so glad you are here, you can keep my Marinetta company while we old ladies catch up.”

“Who ye be callin’ old now?” Anarka demanded, but Gina ignored her, gesturing for someone at the bar to come and join them.

“Anarka, this is my granddaughter. Marinetta, this is my dear old friend” Luka’s mouth twitched at the emphasis and Anarka’s indignant snort, “—Anarka, and this is her son, Luka.”

The petite young lady that had arrived at Gina’s side greeted Anarka and then turned huge blue eyes on him, pink lips curving up in a polite smile. 

Luka swallowed reflexively, offering his hand. “Nice to meet you, Marinetta.” 

She giggled nervously as she took his hand. “Grandma's the only one who calls me that. I'm Marinette. Marinette Dupain-Cheng. It's nice to meet you too, Luka.” She was dressed simply, in well-fitting (very well-fitting) jeans and a black shirt with a wide ribbon collar that tied in a bow near her shoulder, soft makeup and her hair done in two tails. Not dressed for a night on the town, but it suited her, and Luka found himself enchanted. 

Gina saved him from doing anything stupid by grabbing Marinette’s hand and shoving a small wad of cash into her palm. “Good, good,” she proclaimed, ignoring Marinette’s protests at taking the money. “Now, Marinetta, you and Luka go and get yourselves some food.” Marinette tried to say something, but Gina cut her off. “No, no, my fairy, I know you only came to make sure your Nona gets home safely, but there is no need to hover. Go away so that you will not be scandalized and hear things you wish you didn't know!”

Marinette looked somewhat horrified. “You mean there’s worse than what I’ve already heard?” 

Luka grinned, and Anarka's booming laugh rang out. Gina turned Marinette around and gave her a little push towards the restaurant section. 

“Go on, go on, my dear, you can keep an eye on me perfectly fine while you eat. Besides, it is this one you must watch out for—” She indicated Anarka with a tilt of her head, and Luka snorted in amusement.

“She’s not wrong,” he teased his mother, and Anarka put a hand on his face and shoved him good naturedly away. 

“Off wi’ ye boy,” she declared, her accent getting thicker already. “An be ye a gentleman, ye hear?”

Luka rolled his eyes and turned to Marinette. 

“Shall we grab a table?” he asked Marinette, who still looked a little stunned, and at her nod, he gently took her elbow and steered her to a booth that was likely to be quieter, at least until the real entertainment got started. 

“I don't have to stay,” Luka said, gesturing for Marinette to sit as he glanced at a table of guys whose heads had turned as they walked past. “Or you don't, if you'd rather—”

“Oh, no, please don't leave,” Marinette said, catching hold of his sleeve. “I mean, unless you want to—” Luka was already sliding into the booth next to her. 

“I don't come to this kind of place very often,” Marinette admitted. “I don't usually have the time, so…I guess I don't really know how to act.”

Luka smiled. “Act like yourself. Everybody’s here to have a good time. I won’t say no one’s watching,” he indicated the interested table with a nod of his head, “but I doubt the people who are, are looking to criticize.”

Marinette blushed, and picked up the menu that was laying on the table, hiding her face. Luka opted to give her a little space, picking up his own.

“Do you come here often?” she asked, fidgeting with her menu.

“Not here, specifically,” Luka replied, glancing around. “But I’ve been in and out of these kinds of places practically my whole life. First because of mom, and then performing myself.”

Marinette looked out from behind her menu, curious. “Performing?”

“I’m a musician,” he said, trying not to sound too proud of it. “Guitar mostly but I do vocals sometimes too. I play with a couple local bands at different places.”

“Oh,” Marinette looked impressed, and Luka felt his face heat a little. “You must be pretty good.”

Luka chuckled. “I’ll let you judge that for yourself sometime.” 

Marinette’s eyes widened and she hid behind her menu again. Luka cringed; he hadn’t meant that to come off like it had. 

“What do you feel like?” he asked. “Is there something in particular or should we just order some appetizers so we can try a few things?”

They worked out what they wanted to order, flagged down a waiter, and then fell into awkward silence. 

Marinette felt ridiculous; like her feet were too big and she didn’t know what to do with her hands, and she felt sure Luka must think she was some naive little pixie who hardly ever left the house except to go out with her grandma. Why had she said that? She just felt so uncomfortable and she needed to explain, and now it turned out he was in a band and went to these kinds of places all the time and probably hated that he was stuck here babysitting her instead of out there dancing with all the girls darting him appreciative looks as they milled around with their drinks in their hands. She should have let him go earlier when he offered to leave; she hadn’t wanted him to think she didn’t want his company but now he was—maybe she should—but they’d already ordered food and—

“Marinette?” Luka touched her shoulder and she jumped. 

“Everything okay?” he asked. 

Marinette nodded quickly and then blurted, “I like your hair.” 

She did like his hair. It was probably weird to say it though. Was it weird? Oh God she was so weird and she should know better than to try and talk to a hot guy like a totally normal not-weird—

“Thanks,” Luka said, running a hand through his hair with a smile that looked…a little self-conscious actually. It was…cute. “It’s not fancy but it’s easy to maintain at least.”

“Oh—I meant the color, I mean—I mean I like the way you wear it, too, it suits you, the ruffled look with your sharp facial features, it comes off really well—but the color is so pretty, and your hair’s still so shiny. I’ve always wanted to dye my hair but I was afraid I would ruin it trying to bleach it, since it’s so dark…”

“Oh, mine’s black too underneath all this.” Luka grinned. “It can be done, it just takes a little patience so you don’t fry it. You’d be cute with dyed hair. I mean, you look great just like this, but if it’s something you want, I think it’d look great on you. Not that my opinion should matter.” He closed his mouth abruptly and looked away, and Marinette simultaneously felt tortured and comforted. At least she wasn’t the only one who babbled. 

Mercifully, the food came shortly after, and that gave them something to focus on and a chance for mostly safe conversation. The karaoke stage lit up and an MC came up to announce that the mic was now open, and started calling names of people who had signed up. 

The plates were empty and the conversation had lagged. Marinette was desperately trying to think of something to say, and sneaking looks at Luka out of the corner of her eye. He had the most striking profile, all sharp angles, but when he looked straight at her, his expression softened, and he leaned in just a bit, as if to be sure and catch whatever she said. 

She wished she were more interesting. She wished she had something to say. She’d bore him silly talking about fashion, she was sure. 

“They look like they’re having fun,” she said finally, as a pair of clearly tipsy girls in very short skirts screamed the lyrics to “Material Girl,” into their microphones.

Luka agreed, laughing. Then he looked at her, and then away, and then he leaned towards her, tilting his head towards the stage. “You wanna have a go?” 

“Me?” Marinette sat up straight, face flaming. Luka, sure, he was used to performing on stage, and he was cool and handsome and he looked like a microphone belonged in his hand, but—

“Well, us.” Luka laughed, straightening a little and turning his glass on the table. “I thought maybe we could go do one together.”

“I’m probably terrible compared to you,” Marinette protested. “You should go on yourself. You’re a performer, right?” 

Luka grinned. “Marinette, look around. Nobody’s here to listen to the next great star.” 

Marinette did look around, and he was right. Everyone was too absorbed in their own party or too buzzed to do anything other than roar support for anyone brave enough to take the stage, and most of the ones who did were…creative in their interpretation of the music. 

“I’ll grab a book,” Luka said, sliding out of the booth. “You can think about it while we look through the songs.” He winked at her. “I’ll check on Mom and Gina while I’m at it.”

Marinette nodded, toying with one of her pigtails. It couldn’t hurt to look, right? And while he was gone she could come up with an excuse to say no.

“Hey, wanna dance?”

Marinette jumped and looked up. There was a man leaning his elbows on her table, grinning at her. She could smell smoke and alcohol all the way across the table. She put on her best social smile. “No, thank you, I’m waiting for someone.” 

“Ah, ‘course you are,” he drawled, stepping back and sliding off the table. “Worth a shot.” He winked at her and wandered off. 

Luka returned just as the other man drifted off. Watching the stranger go, Luka sat down and said, “Would you rather go dance?” 

“Maybe later. But not with him,” Marinette said, making a face. Then she blushed. “I mean—”

Luka grinned. “Let’s pick a song.” 

Marinette bent over the catalog with him, as he slowly flipped through pages. 

“Let me know if you see something you like,” he said, and Marinette murmured assent. Luka didn’t smell like smoke or alcohol. Well, maybe alcohol a little, but anyone would in here. Mostly he just smelled…clean. And vaguely beachy? Interesting. 

Songs. She was supposed to be looking at the songs. 

“Okay, I know this one’s a little old, but it’s a lot of fun.” Luka pointed to a song, grinning. 

“You can’t be serious,” Marinette laughed. 

“Do you know it?” Luka repeated, still grinning.

“Well…yes.” 

“Come on, we’re the only ones sober enough to do it, and if we mess it up, it’ll be hilarious. Win-win.” 

Marinette still hesitated, but looking up at Luka’s face, something about the sparkle in his eyes made her say, “Okay.”

Luka raised his eyebrows. “Are you sure? If you don’t want to, it’s really fine.” 

Marinette’s smile turned a little more genuine. “Really. I want to. You’ll cover for me if I lose it, right?”

“Of course,” he promised, and…she believed him. 

He left her again to go sign them up, and Marinette took a breath, wondering what on earth she was doing. Still, he was right, it could be a lot of fun, and…what was the worst that could happen.

She shut that thought down before it could go any further—it was always a dangerous line of thought for her—and stood up to peer across the room to where Gina’s white hair was visible in a knot of older people around the bar. They were loud, but not out of control. Satisfied, Marinette sat back down. Luka reappeared shortly after, and apparently guessed what she had been looking for.

“They’re fine,” he said, as he slid back into the booth. “Still at the 'telling stories loudly' stage. We’ve still got time.” He winked at her. “When she starts yelling insults at randos I know it’s time to take Ma home before someone calls the cops.” Marinette giggled, but Luka seemed entirely serious. “It’ll be a while before our turn,” he continued, and then hesitated. 

“We could, um. We could go dance?” Marinette suggested. The panic that welled up was quelled by Luka’s broad smile. 

“I’d love that,” he said, and stood up, offering his hand. Marinette took it, and let him help her out of the booth, her eyes suddenly locked on his. 

“I’m not a very good dancer,” she warned, and stumbled a little on the step down from the booth. 

“Me neither,” he said, and though Marinette didn’t believe him, it made her smile. 

***

Luka was having the time of his life with Marinette on the dance floor. She wasn’t very coordinated, as she had warned him—or at least, her mind seemed to get in the way of her limbs, because once she had completely relaxed and stopped overthinking every little move she made…wow. 

She sparkled. Not because of the way she danced, but just with pure joy and energy. She sang along with the music, and though he couldn’t really hear her over the speakers, he couldn’t stop watching her lips move. 

They were briefly joined by Gina and Anarka and a couple of their pals, which was…embarrassing. Marinette got all stiff and awkward again, and let out a little shriek when one of the old men grabbed her around the waist and swung her in a spin. Gina was immediately in his face, clearly telling him off, and Marinette had to catch her arm and persuade her not to personally throw the man out of the club. Fortunately, Gina had had enough to drink to be easily distracted, 

“I see where your eyes be lookin’, boy,” Anarka bellowed near his ear. “Mind yerself, ye hear?” 

“I always do,” Luka replied drily. 

“Aye, that ye do,” Anarka said with unexpected affection, hugging him tightly. “I know I need have no worries fer ye. Just be sure ye don’t be makin’ babies yer not ready for, aye?” 

Luka reddened. “ Ma!”

Mercifully, Anarka let him go, and hollered that she was ready for another drink. Their group departed, leaving Luka and Marinette standing on the dance floor. Marinette leaned on his arm, and Luka took her hand without thinking. “Are you okay?” he asked, and she smiled up at him.

“Fine. They’re just…a lot.” She sighed, and Luka fervently agreed. 

Then Marinette straightened and her eyes popped wide as their names were announced. 

Luka leaned toward her. “Not too late to back out if you need to.” 

Marinette looked for a moment like she might take him up that, but then she looked straight at him, squared her shoulders, and gave him a smile that made his knees weak. “Let’s do this,” she said firmly. 

Oh muses help him, he was in love.

***

Marinette let Luka lead her to the crowd to the stage, her hand still clasped tightly in his. Predictably, a whoop went up from the bar as soon as they were under the lights. Luka let go of her long enough to pull the microphones from the stands and hand one to Marinette. 

“I’ll start?” he murmured, and Marinette nodded. He took her hand again and walked them both to the front of the stage, flashing a grin at the crowd as those iconic first notes went up over the speakers, and the onlookers cheered. 

Luka’s head bobbed to the beat as he watched her with a grin on his face. Marinette couldn’t help smiling back even though she was a little terrified and felt very strange on the stage. 

Luka faced the crowd when the lyrics popped up and sang the quick-paced words of the verse with comfortable ease. 

He looked at Marinette and she joined him on the chorus. Singing alongside Luka’s powerful voice made it impossible for Marinette to be timid as they belted together, “We didn’t start the fire! It was always burning since the world’s been turning! No we didn’t light it but we’re trying to fight it.” 

Luka raised his eyebrows at her in question as they neared the end of the chorus, and though her hands were shaking, Marinette nodded. She took a deep breath, eyes on Luka, and launched into the next verse. By some miracle, she didn’t trip over the words once, and when she ran out of breath, Luka took up the next piece. They traded back and forth through the song after that, occasionally joining to sing some parts together, and always coming together on the chorus. If she made a slip, Luka covered it easily, and at some point their hands met and joined as they got more and more into the song. 

Marinette knew that people must be watching; Luka was too good, too magnetic on stage, but she couldn’t bring herself to care. The crowd didn’t matter; she was having too much fun with Luka to care whether the audience was paying attention or not. 

“WE DIDN’T START THE FIRE,” they bellowed together, crowd practically forgotten as they faced each other. By the end of the song they were dancing around the stage together, and when the music finally ended, Luka threw up his hands with Mari’s still in his. 

Everyone cheered, and for the first time Marinette looked away from Luka and into the crowd. Marinette could see (and hear, even over the music) that Gina and Anarka were losing their minds. She let Luka lead her down off the stage, grateful for his hand still holding hers. Her knees felt a bit wobbly. Luka wrapped her in a hug at the bottom of the stairs. 

“That was awesome ,” he enthused, laughing with his chin on her head, and then he stepped back. “You okay?” he asked, and Marinette nodded shakily. Luka’s expression turned to concern, but before he could say anything else, Gina and Anarka were on them—literally. 

It took a little time to fend off their respective relatives, but eventually Luka managed to get them redirected with a suggestion that Anarka and Gina should try a duet. They disappeared into the crowd, and Luka breathed a sigh of relief before turning back to Marinette. She was still shaking, and Luka took her elbow and led her back to their table.

“Are you okay?” he asked again, once they were there, and Marinette again nodded, this time managing a smile for him. 

“I’m fine, really,” she promised. “I had fun, it—it was just intense .” She curled her still shaking fingers on the table.

Luka smiled and wrapped his hands around hers, rubbing some warmth back into them. “Sorry, I guess I’m used to the stage rush. You did amazing, though. You did have fun?”

“Totally,” Marinette said, squeezing his hand back. His hands were so much bigger than hers, she realized, and they felt good, moving over hers. Somehow, her eyes found Luka’s, and his hands slowly stopped moving. 

They both jumped as the server stopped at their table and plunked a plate on the table with a hefty slice of chocolate cake and two spoons. “On the house,” was all he said, and then he was gone again.

Luka and Marinette looked at each other in surprise, and then giggled. 

“Guess we impressed somebody,” Luka chuckled. 

“Hmm.” Marinette picked up her spoon. “Well, it looks delicious.” 

Luka gestured with his spoon. “After you.” 

They ate the sweet dessert, murmuring appreciation, and then drifted into easy conversation, despite the increasingly raucous crowd around them. Neither of them minded having to lean a little closer to hear. Even with the noise, they felt apart from the crowd, in their own little bubble, until—

“Uh-oh,” Luka said, getting up from the table. “I think that’s my cue.” He took off through the crowd, and Marinette automatically grabbed her bag and followed him. She lost him for a moment in the crowd, and then found him holding his mother by the shoulders, talking soothingly to her while Anarka shouted over his shoulder. 

“All right, Ma,” Luka said, linking his arm firmly through his mother’s. “I think it’s time to go.”

“We should probably go too, my fairy,” Gina’s voice, only slightly slurred, came from Marinette’s shoulder. She put an arm around her grandmother as Gina leaned heavily on her. “It is past your bedtime.” 

Marinette rolled her eyes, but didn’t object, steering Gina after Luka and Anarka. Anarka had clearly had more to drink, and once Marinette got Gina in the car, she went to help Luka, who was struggling to get his more combative relative to their car. Between the slurred speech and the brogue Marinette couldn’t understand much of what Anarka was saying, but when she slipped under the Captain’s other arm, the tirade cut off.

“Ah, yer such a nice lass,” Anarka drawled. 

“Please don’t embarrass me, Ma,” Luka sighed, as Marinette helped him get Anarka going in the right direction. 

“Embarrass ye!” Anarka snorted. “Son I got years of humiliation to heap back on ye, after all the pranks ye and yer sister pulled!” 

Marinette giggled, and Luka shot her a longsuffering look.

“Please ignore anything she says,” he begged, and looked relieved when they managed to get Anarka in the car. Luka buckled her in, and then dug around in the center console while Anarka yelled at him to “gerroff already ye landlubbin’ swine!” 

Luka straightened up and closed the passenger door with more force than was probably necessary. “Thank you,” he said, turning to Marinette. He rubbed a hand through his hair. “It was really nice to meet you, Marinette.”

“You too, Luka,” Marinette agreed. “I had a lot more fun than I expected to tonight.” 

Luka grinned. “Me too. Listen, um,” he offered her a folded piece of paper he had been toying with. “This is my number. If you feel like using it, I’d love to talk to you more.” 

Blushing, Marinette reached for it. Luka didn’t let go right away. “I’d really like you to use it,” he said softly, before opening his fingers and letting her take the paper. “Goodnight, Marinette.” He seemed to hesitate despite the words, and in a burst of courage, Marinette went up on her toes and kissed him lightly. Luka’s arm wound around her waist and pulled her back in, kissing her much more firmly. Marinette’s hands clasped behind his neck before she knew what she was doing, and the parking lot around them disappeared for a long moment. When Marinette’s feet were finally back on the ground, and there was room to breathe between their lips, she smiled at him. Her hands slid down his shoulders as she whispered, “Good night, Luka.” Then she turned and jogged back to her car, clutching the paper with his number. Luka watched her for a moment, and then went around the car and got in

Anarka was already asleep in the passenger seat.

Marinette ran all the way back to her car and jumped in, slamming the door behind her. She buried her face in her hands, panting from the run and the kiss and the—everything.

“Well my fairy.” 

Marinette jumped half out of her skin with a little shriek, and lowered her hands to turn mortified eyes on her grandmother. Gina smirked at her. “I told you there would be no trouble once the boys noticed you, eh?” 

“Just one,” Marinette protested weakly, and Gina grinned, reaching over to pat her hand. 

“My Marinetta could captivate anyone with such a smile on her face as she had tonight. He is a good one, I think, but ugh, to have such a relative!” She laughed. Marinette blushed and shoved the piece of paper she was still clinging to into her purse.

“Nobody’s talking about marriage, Grandma,” she said a bit tartly as she started the car. 

“It will not be long, my dear,” Gina drawled, leaning back into her seat. “It will not be long at all.”

Marinette shook her head and concentrated on getting them both home. She made sure Gina got to bed without passing out on the doorstep, and went to the guest room, where her things were already laid out neatly. She sat on the bed, and pulled the bit of paper with Luka's number on it out of her purse.

It didn’t say anything except Luka Couffaine and his number. She programmed it into her phone, and then folded the paper and put it carefully in her purse, just in case. 

Before she could chicken out, she wrote a text and sent it to him, letting him know who it was and that she and Gina had made it home safely, and wishing him good night. 

Her phone pinged before she’d even finished washing her face. 

Glad you’re safe. We are too. I had a great time tonight. Is it too soon to ask you out?

AO3 Works | Fiction Master Post 

[aita-blorbos]

[AITA for not wanting to save some lady I met less than 6 hours ago who almost got me eaten by a huge snake?]

So I [18M] have been wandering for a long while looking for Giacomo [50M? i think?] to kill him for killing my grandfather. I end up on this one rustic island and get knocked out, this doctor saves me and gets me back on my feet. But I'm still pretty focused on the "killing Giacomo" thing, y'know?

So when I go to leave the village after promising the mayor I wouldn't go into the obviously super evil woods (To be fair I wasn't gonna until he said something) I see this blond chick with two bodyguards head towards the evil forest. I don't like to think I'm super nosy, but she seemed weird so I followed. I was gonna go that way anyway.

When I get to the forest, she's already super deep inside. I fight off bats and firecats (annoying) to go deeper into the woods. Things are creepy already, and then I hear some girlish scream. Cool (not).

I run over and bash a beast in the face and turns out Blondie [17F] is the only survivor of her and her bodyguards. We work together to kill the big ass monster trying to kill us BOTH now (plus its horns are pretty valuable if I sell 'em. Too bad Blondie got on my case about it...). She and I talk for a while, I say I'm gonna go, she says wait no come with me blah blah. I'm like, uh fine? But at least take the useful shit off your bodyguards and don't put it to waste! How'd they like it if you died because you didn't wanna take their old magnus? Girl's some kind of stupid, probably. She gives me a bad look but sends their souls off with a prayer (I mean, I feel a little bad...) and we keep going deeper into the forest cuz she says she needs to find something in here. Okay? So weird.

We get all the way to this spooky pond when her weird necklace starts glowing. It shoots a beam of light at the water and it becomes dark and starry. I'm a little freaked out, I'm about to leave because what the hell is she doing, but then a huge water dragon snake thing rips itself out from this tiny pond and attacks us. Cool.

We beat its ass and it drops a weird golden card. I pick it up (obviously?? It might be valuable!) and I get this really weird and awful feeling and these like... light projections of birds fly out from the card and into the sky in all directions. I drop it after she yells at me and I jump away from the water. She takes it (and somehow it doesn't get weird for her????? okay. cool. ugh.) and we're about to leave when Giacomo's empire soldiers drop from the fucking sky, kidnap Blondie, I try to help (I'm not the worst dude ever), I get knocked over the head with a gun and I'm out.

I wake up a few hours later and my head hurts and this bird is squeaking at me. It's Meemai, kinda cute, kind of an asshole. He jumps in my cloak as I get up and I ask my Guardian Spirit what I should do.

(TL;DR for people not from Mira, it's a spirit that helps me with stuff who only talks to me. Weirdly, Blondie also heard it. Whatever.)

The Spirit goes "Go save Blondie!" and I resist. That girl has been NOTHING but trouble! She got me knocked out, tossed around by TWO massive monsters, and now my Spirit wants to go save her? So what, she can get me into MORE trouble? I will be going to where she is being kept to kick Giacomo's ass, but I'm not gonna stick my neck out for some stranger.

AITA? My Spirit says I am, but my Spirit isn't the only person with an opinion in the world.

[saintheartwing]

Invader Zim: The Terror of the Pies!

THE TERROR OF THE PIES!

"Hello. I'm Michael White." White says, waving at you all. "Once again I welcome you to a viewing of a show entirely dedicated to the downfall of Civilization as we know it!"

"He of course refers to MY show." Zim says, standing next to White, grinning happily.

"Yeah, well you ain't gonna remember any of this. We're breaking the fourth wall and once the show starts, you'll be your usual, incompetent self!" White laughs, smacking him over the head.

"OW! Do not touch me with your FILTHY Halfling hands!" Zim snaps, hissing at him.

"Right, right. Now there's been a lot of talk about whether or not the people in this show are evil. Now, lots of people are BAD, I guess. Zim's bad. But unlike him, he could never hope to be as chaotically neutral as I am. You see folks, he's what we call "Incompetent Lawful Evil"."

"Right." Zim says, smiling and closing his eyes as he nods. Then his eyes shoot open and he wheels on White. "HEEEEYYY!"

"Dib's not evil either. Actually Zim and Dib both see themselves as just doing a job that has to be done, a job nobody else can do...the job of protecting Earth and INVADING it. They're "good guys" on different sides. Gaz though, is a heroic sociopath, but she's not really EVIL either. Red and Purple, I'm not too sure about…they're kind of…dumb…so I'm gonna hafta do some research." White shrugs. "But enough talk of such a stupid and warmongering race! On with the show!"

"STUPID?!"

…

…

…

…it was the 2nd year since Tenn's disastrous attempt to wage war against the Meekrob. War waged over the surface of the planet and Tallest Red and Purple had directed their armada and their main army forces there to fight the Meekrob threat. The whole area was divided up between the Resisty-supported Meekrob and the Irken army, though the Irkens didn't control nearly as much of the planet as they wanted, and their Armada was BARELY holding up against the Resisty's crippling cannon fire, leaving an Orbital Sweep simply out of the question! The coastal outposts were deserted…except for people. In fact, despite the threat of invasion and the CONSTANT blackouts, the Tallest and Erin still took their evening constitutionals.

"Ahh, hat a nice evening, don'tcha think, Red?" Tallest Red laughed as he walked along the cliffs that overlooked the ocean near their main ocean lab where Erin was doing deep-sea-research on a way to sneak over to Meekrob bases via the sea. To ensure his beloved's security, Invader Darth had been called in from his "vacation" (nudge-nudge-wink-wink) to look after Erin and he had instantly taken to her kind and sweet attitude.

"Hey, Pur…could you hold my elephant gun?" Purple asked. He was doing some part-time lab work at the lab with Erin and getting to know her better. Grinning, he held up a gun for his buddy to hold onto.

"I don't know WHY you brought it here, you can't shoot elephants here on Meekrob, you know!" Tallest Red told him, putting one hand on his hips while raising a claw in the air.

"Why the hell not?!" Purple snapped, looking irritated.

"For ONE, they're out of season!" Red explained.

"Wait…so I'm gonna hafta eat Meekrobian pelican for dinner again?" Purple moaned. "They're ALL mouth!"

"I'm afraid that's just the way it is!" Red said sadly, shrugging.

"Then I'll risk it. I'll shoot an elephant out of season!" Purple muttered, grabbing the gun out of Red's hands and heading off in a huff.

Those of you who have been paying close attention as to WHERE this story takes place will of course, realize that Red and Purple are talking absolute rubbish! There are no elephants in Meekrob. There ARE plenty of them in Foodcourtia though, northwest of a line drawn between two points, thus making it the shortest distance!

"Darn you, Nick…well, if that's how it is I can't shoot any! I've got a restraining order from Sizz-Lorr!"

"Why?" Red asked.

"He doesn't allow PDAs in his shop." Red mumbled.

"And I'm banned too. I went into the ladies room." The blind-eyed Darth added sadly.

"Now I'm sure it was an accident-"

"I went in there FIVE TIMES." Darth mumbled, hanging his head.

"It beats what White did." Purple remarked.

"Yeah, what I did to Trenton is the reason why the phrase "This used to be a nice place to live" was invented." White remarked, jabbing his thumb at his chest proudly as he popped up and grinned.

FWIP!

White frowned, looking around. "Did you just hear that?"

"Hear what?" Purple inquired as they headed off to the left, going towards the lab.

"Sounded like a…gas door slamming…" White mumbled. "But who would be walking around with a gas oven?"

"Betty Crocker?" Erin mused, laughing. It was getting darker and darker out…and it was rather hard for all them to see, actually. Save for Darth, who was blind.

"BESIDES her!" White asked.

TWHOOSH!

SPLAT!

" Oooooooooooohohohohohohohohohohoh yeuhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!" Erin hollered, hitting the ground as most of the others kept on walking forward, not realizing what had happened.

"If you're trying to do an elephant call, you're not doing it from the throat right!-" Red began, turning around…and he saw in horror that Erin was on the ground.

"Oh my GOD, what hit me!? Call the guards or the cops or something!" She shouted.

Red nodded, looking around. "HELP! HELP! POLICE! GUAAARDS!" He cried out.

A few moments later Skoodge whistled, getting their attention. White saw his son approaching and blinked. "Skoodge!? what are you doing here?"

"Tenn's been very moody and stuff lately..." Skoodge admitted. "So I thought some time off from her would be good. What's the problem, My Tallest?"

"I was struck down from behind!" Erin moaned, holding her head.

"What with?"

"I don't know, I can't see, and I think my back's been bruised!" Erin complained.

"What FIEND would dare hurt my lady?!" Darth hissed angrily, his eyes glowing for a moment.

"I can't see ANYTHING in this lack of light!" Red admitted, squinting his eyes.

"So strike a match!" Erin begged .

"We have RULES." Red said. "We're in a blackout currently, and the enemy needs light to focus their targets on. We can't just "strike a light"."

"Then…strike a dark light!" Erin snapped. "SOMETHING!"

"We daren't!" Red said in a dramatic tone. "Why, only twenty miles across the bay, there's an Meekrob-run base that's watching our base intently!" He said, pointing across the sea.

"Don't be stupid!" White muttered. "They can't possibly see a MATCH being struck!" he snapped, crossing his arms.

"Oh, all right, fine! If you don't believe them…" Skoodge sighed as he dove into his pocket and quickly pulled out a box of matches. Taking a match, he got it lit with a quick striking motion on the striker stick, and then…

BUDDA-BOOOOM!

An explosion blew up a nearby tree and the shockwave sent their hair flying to the direction of the ocean while the match's light was blown out.

"Any OTHER questions?" Red inquired.

"I don't think I can feel my legs!" Erin moaned.

"Do you believe me NOW?! Are you aware of the danger of the Meekrob's long range guns?" Purple asked, raising a claw in the air and waggling it.

"Fine. Luckily for you guys…" White dove into his jacket and pulled out a small box. "I have a box of matches I snuck from a one of their bases!"

"Not bad, albino freak!" Red said, patting White on the shoulder. "Go on, strike one! They wouldn't fire at their own matches!"

"Of course not!" White said happily as he held one aloft. He struck it…

BUDDA-KROOOOM!

"…curses…THE RESISTY!" Red hissed as he and his buddy Purple hung from the tree they'd been knocked into. Erin was now on HER SIDE, cuckoo birds flying around her.

Well, they thought about using a candle, but it wouldn't have been very bright, and they didn't DARE light it and since they were afraid of moving an injured person, they waited 9 hours until sunrise and there they saw what had hit Erin. It was…A CHERRY PIE.

BGM: Dramatic chord of notes!

"…HMM…" Skoodge felt the pie. "It's still warm!"

"PHEW. I HATE cold pie!" Erin remarked. "Can you lift me up now?"

Lifting her up, Skoodge rubbed his chin. "I'll have to take note of this." He remarked. "A sinister pie-hurler is on the loose!"

"Maybe it's GIR." Erin suggested. "It sounds like something stupid he'd do."

"No, I got a call from Nick. He's busy being a poker player." White said. "He's quite good too."

"Really?"

"Yep. Give him a poker and he'll play any tune you like on it!"

"Ah." Erin nodded.

"Well then, I'm off!" Skoodge said, turning to the right and walking off…

"Goodbyyyyeeeeeeeeekkkk!"

…the cliff. WOOPS!

SPLOOOOSH!

"Oooh, look! A dolphin's coming to rescue no, it's a shark! It LOOKS like a dolphin. Tricky fish! TRICKY FISH!" Purple proclaimed.

…

…

…

…after swimming back to shore, Skoodge dried himself off to save time. As he headed back to his home, he wondered WHY anybody would want to strike somebody with a pie? So he decided to ask the man on the street.

"So, do you like pie?" He asked an Irken in the street who was leaning against a lamp post in the early morning.

"Pie?" The Irken grunt's head snapped up. Then he began to walk around like a zombie, chanting over and over. "Pie, pie, we like pie. Pie, pie, we like pie."

More people suddenly ambled out of the buildings nearby, joining him in a long line and chanting as well. "Pie, pie, we like pie! Pie, pie, we like pie!"

Skoodge blinked as a HUGE throng of people moved down the streets, heading for the sunset. "PIE, PIE, WE LIKE PIE! PIE, PIE, WE LIKE PIE!"

"…oh…kaaaaay…" Skoodge muttered, rolling his eyes as he headed back towards his house. Not much else happened that day…except he was suddenly struck with a peach pie. THWOCK!

"It's all rather confusing, y'know…" VENT said as he sat atop a mailbox as Skoodge walked inside his house, dripping in Pecan pie.

In the days to come, thirty eight fruit pies were hurled at Miss Nightshade.

"YEEEOOOWWW! WILL YOU STOPTHAT?! WHOEVER YOU ARE?!"

A madman was at large, In desperation...DIB was called in. But...not by choice.

"I require your help." Invader Skoodge told Dib as he stood in Dib's room, the door locked. It had been simple enough to teleport inside thanks to White assisting him. Dib was frankly AMAZED at the whole spectacle, but also...annoyed. HELP? An IRKEN?!

"What?" He asked stonily.

"I need your assistance. Nobody has been able to catch the one hurling these pies. He's moving in and out of our bases and past ALL security. This has made the Tallest suspect...paranormal intervention. You are a paranormal investigator. If you assist me I will not harm you. I have no real reason to bring harm upon you, Dibbun Membrane. Useless violence will not bring either you, nor I, closer to our goals."

"I'm NOT helping you." Dib spoke angrily, grabbing Skoodge's arms. "I'm throwing you into my closet and putting THREE PAIRS of sleep cuffs-"

"You leave me no choice then." Skoodge said softly. He quickly broke out of Dib's hold and grabbed HIS wrists.

"AAA!" Dib screamed in pain. "What are you doing?!"

"Crushing your fragile human bones, little one." Skoodge intoned. "But I will give you one more chance. Do as I say and you'll be spared."

"RRR..." Dib grit his teeth in pain, then finally nodded. Skoodge let go and nodded. "Fine. If I DO Help you?" Dib inquired.

"Oh, I will make it worth your while." Skoodge said. "Say...with a piece of Irken technology so advanced that they will HAVE to call you sane?"

Dib rubbed his chin. "Find a ghost that hurls pies in exchange for advanced alien technology?...I can live with working with your kind for that. But I'll need a disguise."

"Taken care of." White said, entering the room and holding up a holographic image inducer.

"This pie-hurler must be stopped. He's made FOOLS of us Irkens!" Skoodge growled.

"I disagree, you were fools long before he came along." White laughed.

SOME TIME LATER...

"Now, from the splatter-impact of the pies...they were obviously thrown by hand." Dib said, disguised as a blue-eyed Irken with a dark cloaked-jacket and a tool belt with various technological equipment for use in "Phantom Pie Hurler-Hunting".

"Not necessarily. some people are pretty clever with their feet." Purple added. "You should see Sizz-Lorr! He can fry TEN slydoodeedoos with his feet!"

"Which is why they always taste like feet." Red realized out loud.

"...brilliant." White groaned.

"Now...these PIES, were they all identical. They all used fruit." "Dab" went on. "EXCEPT...for THIS one." He added, holding up the remains of the latest pie. "There was a BOOT in it."

"Ahhh. So the dreaded hurler is a military man!"

"And as it were the The 1st Heavy Underwater Artillery. Happens to live right near where Erin keeps getting attacked!" Red realized. "Dab, Skoodge...I want you to go there at once and arrest the first Irken you see wearing one boot!" He demanded as-

SPLAT! A pie flew in through the window and hit Dib.

"...I hate all of you so very much."

…

…

…

… "I assure you, this is absolutely ridiculous. None of my men are-"

"We want to be SURE, Commander Darth."

"Fine, fine, I'll call them all out."

The blind alien tapped his forehead and concentrated. Immediately all of the soldiers within the base went RUNNING to the main hall of the 1st Main Heavy Underwater Artillery. The entire building was actually under the sea, and various fish of different kinds were swimming around them. On either side of the main hall were hallways leading off to bunks, the cafeteria, etc, etc. At the very top was a crystal chandelier. They LIKED chandeliers.

"So, why are you doing this again?" Darth inquired, blind eyes narrowing.

"I'm looking for a criminal-" Skoodge began.

"Which one? The whole LOT are a bunch of stupid defectives, criminals or morons who either ran away from Food Service, spat on the Tallest or blew up the planet they were supposed to invade before they even GOT their. Reminds me of the stories of Zam..."

Skoodge shuddered. Zam had been the absolute WORST invader of all time. He had blown himself up while still on the planet he had yet to invade in his penultimate act of stupidity.

"Anyhow, I doubt you'll-"

"Please, this is important." Erin spoke up, standing by Dib. This was the first time she'd talked to Darth.

"WH-what?" He inquired, turning to look in her direction, astral form reaching out. The moment he touched her mind, his eyes bulged out, antennae standing up. "My LADY! Oh, I'm so sorry!" He bowed deeply. "I had no idea you were here!" He ran to her and kissed her hand. "Anything for you, my lady!"

"What's with him?" "Dab", who was really Dib, inquired.

"He only acted this way with Miyuki. Apparently he "sees" a similar soul in her..." Skoodge whispered.

"Alright, you slobs!" Darth yelled out to the gathered Irken grunts who appeared to congregate in the Main Hall. "You all stand at attention so my friend Skoodge and his associates...especially the lovely Erin..." he added with a nod in her direction, "Can examine you!"

Both Skoodge and Dib walked among the ranks looking for the soldier with one boot, but their luck was out, the entire regiment was wearing boots on BOTH feet.

"I say Skoodge, it's getting dark. You can't see in this light!" "Dab" complained.

"Fine, I'll turn on my flashlight." Skoodge said, holding up his flashlight.

FWICK!

KA-THWOOM!

A missile had JUST barely missed the underwater base. Skoodge quickly turned it off. "DARN it! I forgot about the Meekrob..."

"It gets awful sometimes. Our supplies have been cut off recently, we've been keeping track of every single person who has access to heat and clean food and that list is getting shorter and shorter..." Darth went on.

"I want to return to BED. Can I do it SOON? I want me beddy byes!" A soldier spoke up, one with dark brown eyes and a nasty glare.

"Uh, who are you?" Skoodge inquired.

The Irken put his hand on his chest. "Me? I'm Lance Private Doody-Eyes, that's my nickname, but most folks calls me by my regular name."

"What's that?" "Dab" inquired.

"Reg." Reg remarked.

Dab, AKA Dib, looked this...THING over. If he had never seen Irkens before, it would be the closest thing he'd ever SEEN to one, without actually BEING Irken. There was something decidely off...almost like somebody had taken an Irken body and filled it up with cottage cheese...his skin was lime green and he had a slight red tint to his teeth.

"Surely you don't suspect THIS one." Darth inquired. "He's one of my finest soldiers! Always follows orders! Granted, he smells very oddly..."

"I'm over HERE." Reg mumbled.

Darth turned, went "Oops" and gestured in the right direction. "He's perfectly normal. True, has has the same name as the one who blinded me all those years ago-"

"An Irken blinded you? I thought you were CREATED blind." Skoodge remarked.

Darth smirked a little and closed his eyes. "I learned recently that I am a spirit reincarnated into a blind body...a spirit that was once a "World Destroyer", trained by Tallest Kor. It explains my powers as well, AND my calling...with my years of experience I shall lead the Irken people into a new era, one part at a time."

"I'll bet the old Reg you know had more than one boot." Reg admitted.

Darth frowned. "You seriously have only one boot upon your person? Why didn't you tell me? I would have gotten you a replacement, you dolt!"

"I didn't wanna tell ya that my boot were stolen by a thief." Reg added.

"...so why are you wearing it on your HEAD?" "Dab" asked.

"It fits my head better than it fits my foot."

"What size is the boot?" Skoodge inquired.

"Nine."

"What's your head size?"

"Nine."

"Damn." Skoodge swore. "His defense is perfect. So the other one was stolen by a thief and not some random pickpocket?"

"Oh yes, sir!" Reg insisted eagerly, nodding his head. "I NEVER keeps my boots in me pockets!"

"...riiiight..." Dab, who was really Dib, commented.

The next morning, Dib was struck with another pie. This one was an apple pie...

And stone cold.

"Do you know what this means?" Dib asked Skoodge as he, Darth and Erin all sat around the lounge of the Underwater Artillery, a big grin on Dib's face.

"Ummm..." Skoodge blinked. "The pie-hurler is losing interest in you?"

"Nooooo." Dib remarked, shaking his head rapidly. "It proves that the phantom has lost his heat! He's going to be checked off that list Darth was talking about! We've got to get to Head Command and find it!"

AND SO...

"Alright, here we are." Dib looked over a long list that had various Irken names scrawled all over it in bright blue pen. He scanned the various names that had been crossed off, rubbing his chin. It felt weird still appearing as an Irken to the others...he was almost getting USED to it all!

"Well?" Erin inquired.

"Ah, here's the most recent person on Meekrob who has lost their heating." Dib realized as he and the others stood around in the shelved rooms of the back of Head Command. There were dozens of various military records, most of which was a load of hooey, the Irken empire did NOT win as easily or as often as they liked to admit. And against the Meekrob, they continued to lose and lose and lose...

Dib motioned for Skoodge to turn on the communicator vid-screen nearby, and Skoodge flicked a switch, turning it on...and revealing Sizz-Lorr's face.

"Yesssss?" He inquired, looking irritated that he had to move from his diner to go to the Irk-forsaken rock that was Meekrob.

"...oh...uh...sorry, wrong number!" Skoodge gasped out, flicking the off switch as the others looked at him. "No, it couldn't be him, who would he want to throw a pie at?"

RIIIIIING!

Skoodge looked over at the wall and saw they had a call. He turned the vid-screen on.

"Hello?"

"It is ZIM!" Zim complained. "And somebody has thrown a PIE at my glorious visage!"

This time DIB turned the thing off, laughing as he did so, the image of Apple Crumble pie dripping down Zim's head forever lodged in his brain.

...more days went by. Dib continued to be bombarded with pies, and this also applied to anyone walking WITH him who didn't duck or dodge in time! One night, desperate to get some time alone, Dib walked through an alleyway of one of the Irken bases, when SUDDENLY...

SFX: Sinister and dramatic fanfare

...absolutely nothing happened. BUT It happened suddenly. Annoyed, Dib decided to turn on his flashlight since it was getting dark out and head back to Skoodge's place...

BA-KROOOOOM!

"Darn Meekrob!" Dib growled. "STINKIN..."

"Excuse me? Are you depressed?"

Dib turned to see GIR was sitting atop a garbage can. He turned his head to the side. "I'M depressed too. And you know what I do when I'm depressed?"

"...what?" Dib asked.

"I PLAY THE BONGOS!" GIR exclaimed, holding up some bongos and pounding away at them.

"...now I AM depressed." Dib remarked, frowning.

"By the way, could I borrow a cuppa sugar?" GIR asked, popping the bongo tops open and chewing some popcorn that was inside.

"I haven't got any."

"How about a match then?"

"Take the whole dang box!" Dib said, tossing GIR his box of matches which had been rendered useless in the recent "anti-light" weather. "They're useless for me."

"Thanks, big-head-boy!" GIR said happily,popping them in his head and clapping his hands. "Now I can make sure my pie's warm again and Piggy will be happy! Y'know there's nothing worse than being struck down with a cold pie!".

"Yeah, sure, whatever." Dib remarked, rolling his eyes.

Dib watched GIR head off and shrugged the whole crazy thing off. He didn't have time to waste with GIR, he had to find that pie-hurler.

Author's Note:

For those of you who believe that Dib isn't cut out to be a paranormal investigator…please write to Jhonen Vasquez in Los Angeles, California. I've heard he LOVES getting fan mail.

A few days later, Dib got a hot lead on a tip from Reg, who had seen a shadowy figure go out to sea with what appeared to be a small ship that had a nice-smelling aroma coming from it...the aroma of baked goods. Immediately Dib sprung into action!

And so, they traveled by sea, Dib and Skoodge. To avoid detection by the Meekrob, they spoke Tantalog throughout the whole trip and were heavily disguised as Murideans.

"Tooki ba waba!" "Dab" said to "Skoo" as they clasped hands and shook them eagerly as a Meekrob ship eyed them suspiciously. The captain of the ship waved them along and they waved back as they moved the ship down along the bay, breathing a sigh of relief. Dib was dressed up as a yellow-furred Muridean with bright blue eyes and a small tail, while Skoodge was a fat, dark brown-furred, red-eyed one with a thick nose.

"I can't believe I'm disguised as a RODENT. Is this what ZIM has to go through?" Dib wondered.

More often than you'd think.

"Great, now I feel SORRY for that evil alien jerk." Dib muttered at the sky.

"As an added precaution we should stand on separate decks and wear separate shoes." Skoodge added.

"And we'll disguise the ship as a train! But have it made to look up like a boat but PAINT it to look like a train!" VENT remarked.

"...you drank the sea water, didn't you?" Skoodge asked as VENT giggled and then vomited overboard.

Hooking up with Erin, they headed out on a more seaworthy vessel and were sailing along the dark seas, eyes peering over the horizon when...

"MINE AHEAD!" Dib yelled. "There's a horrible, HUGE honkin' mine ahead!"

Erin promptly fell overboard in fear as she took a step back and VENT blinked stupidly. "Funny, she wasn't dressed for swimming!"

"There's no need to worry guys!" VENT insisted. "It's one of OURS!"

Dib covered his eyes and shook his head.

BA-BOOOOOOOOM!

…

…

…

...so they floundered around in that cruel, cruel sea. Fortunately they found that Erin had found a rowboat. Unfortunately there was only room for TWO, apparently...

"Well, Skoodge asked ME to find the Pie-Hurling phantom. Sorry Erin!" Dib said, entering the boat.

"Sure, come on in!" Skoodge asked.

"Wait!" Erin begged. "Uh...fifty monies for a place in the boat!"

SFX: SPLASH

"You Irken SWINE!" Dib yelled angrily, eyes narrowed into slits as he splashed around in the water.

"Come on in, Erin." Skoodge said, bowing deeply.

"Oh, this is nice." Erin commented happily, brushing her red hair back.

"Uh...100 monies for a place in the boat!" Dib called out.

SFX: SPLASH

"HEEEEEYYY!" Skoodge moaned horribly as he was tossed out into the water.

"Up you get!" Erin said, helping Dib into the boat.

"Ahhh, Erin. Myyyy frieeeend." Dib spoke gently, grinning broadly.

"TWO HUNDRED monies for a place in the boat!" Skoodge called out.

SFX: SPLASH

"You ain't MY friend!" Erin snapped angrily as she flopped around in the ocean waves.

"Oh, Skoodge, how could I have abandoned you?" Dib asked. "I'm sorry, I don't know what came over me."

"Yes, let's never do something like this ever again." Skoodge agreed.

"FOUR HUNDRED monies for a place in the boat!" Erin hollered.

SFX: SPLASH-SPLASH

That's right, folks. TWO splashes. How is this possible?

"Heh-heh-heh." Darth laughed as he helped Erin into the boat. "I took their little tosies and WOOPS-a-daisy!"

"Darth, you saved my life!" Erin commented, hugging him tightly.

Darth blushed deeply, and hugged her back. "I'm HONORED, milady, to be of service to one as gentle and loving as you."

"So, what do you do for fun?" Erin inquired.

"Well, I enjoy walks on the beach, looking through private thoughts and laughing madly...did you know Purple cross-dresses?"

"It's true!" VENT added, appearing from out of Erin's hair and waving. Yeah...her hair's thick, folks. Lovely thick locks. ^_^

Meanwhile, Skoodge and Dib were drifting around, lost in the sea...when they suddenly saw the faint outline of a ship. Instantly they took off towards it and climbed aboard...finding what was a large shack. Skoodge knocked on it and...

When the Tallest says we is the Master Race, we heil-

SFX: Fart noise

Heil!

SFX: Fart noise

Right in the Tallest's face!

"SILENCE, GIR!"

KNOCK-KNOCK!

"Hold on, hold on!" Zim snapped before opening the door. "Zim does not want any!...wait, why am I not upset that somebody's knocking? And that the somebody is the DIB-STINK!?" He gasped.

"Don't move, Zim!" Dib snapped, eyes narrowing. "I arrest you as the Phantom-Pie-Hurler." He told Zim, smirking.

"Curse you, Dib!" Zim hissed.

"Hands up you devil, don't move…this finger is loaded." Dib told Zim.

"If you kill me I promise you, you'll never take me alive!" Zim hissed.

"...uh...how are we going to prove that ZIM'S the pie hurler?" Skoodge inquired nervously.

"Actually, GIR hurled pies too." Zim explained, spreading his hands. "He just got into some sugar and some baking supplies and went INSANE...more so than usual." He added, seeing Dib's expression of "Oh, c'mon". "But then when DIB appeared to investigate and I threw one at HIM, I...I got hooked! It was so...exhilarating!" Zim went on as GIR held onto the last remaining pie. All of the other cooking supplies in the shack were utterly used-up.

"That pie's ALL the proof we need." Dib said, grabbing something in his jacket and pulling out a communicator. "Tallests Red and Purple?"

"Yeah?"

"What if I told you ZIM and his crazy robot were behind the pie-hurlings?"

"Ooh, then you can dissect him!" Red said happily.

"But we wanna watch!" Purple added gleefully as Zim's mouth hung open and he gulped deeply.

…

…

…

...unfortunately for them, the boat's engine had died. THIRTY days they drifted in an open boat.

"OOOAEIOUGHHHH!" Dib groaned as they lay back in the boat, looking up at the sky. He and Zim had flies circling around their heads. And he could hear birds calling in the air.

"There's freaky bald BIRDS circling around…" Zim muttered. He looked quite gaunt and was a pale green color by now.

"Vultures." Dib mumbled, adjusting his cracked glasses for the eighteen bamillionth time. His skin was pale and yellowy. "They're called vultures. Normally they stay on the PLAINS…"

"They came all this way…and just to EAT us?!" Skoodge muttered.

"I don't know…but we'd best watch out for the ones carrying those knives and forks!" Zim whispered.

"We all live in a yellow submarine! A yellow submarine! A yellow submarine!" GIR sang for the eighteen-bamillionth time.

"Come ONNNN, Dib!" Skoodge moaned, sitting up and holding his stomach as he whined. "We MUST eat that pie or we're going to STARVE!" He sobbed, his figure now far-depleted, his pudgy stomach a distant memory.

"NEVER, do you hear me, No!" Dib shouted, clutching onto the pie and snarling at Skoodge. "That's the only evidence we've got against him! This will get him on an autopsy table! I WON'T give it up...though…" He looked down at his stomach. "I must admit I've got one HELL of an appetite..."

"We've got to eat the pie, or we're going to DIE!" Skoodge demanded of Dib, frowning angrily.

"NEVER!" Dib cried out.

"WE MUST!" Skoodge insisted.

And that, dear readers, is the end of our story, except of course, for the END. So we invite listeners to submit what they think should be the true ending! Should our protagonists eat the pie and live, or leave it and…in the cause of justice…die? Meantime, for you ZADR shippers who just want a happy ending, here it is!

Zim and Dib held onto each other tightly, locked in a deep embrace. Zim, no longer in his disguise, smiles warmly at Dib as Dib returns the same loving smile.

"Darling, darling, will you marry me?" Dib asked, eyelids partially down the same as Zim.

"Of COURSE I will…darling!" Zim said, and the two then kissed passionately as Nick wiped his teary eyes with a kleenex, watching the two smooch up a storm, their tongues intertwining like two snakes making love, their chests rising and lowering as they took great deep breaths filled with life…

Thank you and goodnight.