weiirdtwins-blog

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You can tear them apart… from the inside.

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i’m here so who wants a starter? mutuals only of course.

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DEMON

“Oh no, you have me so disappointed.”

“Do you zink I am joking?”

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HE’S FAST AND SHE’S WEIRD

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Straight for the castle.

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“Maximoff, Wanda”

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so. hi.

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If you step out that door..

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DEMON

“Killing you sounds like a lot more fun, don’t you think?”

“You do not scare me, demon.”

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will do replies and starters that i owe tomorrow :3

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starter call to start off this blog?? specific if you want pietro or wanda.

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“He’s fast and she’s weird.” [x]

for aetatis-aureus: scarlet witch and quicksilver?

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had a shower and now i’m tired. ABORT MISSION. ABORT MISSION.

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"stranger than fiction" sentence starters

"Little did he know that this simple, seemingly innocuous act would result in his imminent death."

"Hello? Is someone there?"

"I left my thimble and Socialist reading material at home."

"I brought you flowers."

"The hero dies, but the story goes on forever."

"You could just eat nothing but pancakes if you wanted."

"I want to live!"

"Is this a joke?"

"You have to die. It's a masterpiece."

"No one wants to die, [name], but unfortunately, we do."

"As much as I would like to, I simply cannot throw [name] off a building."

"Yeah, they said you were funny..."

"She left me for an actuary."

"Pneumonia. That's an interesting way to die."

"I'm being audited."

"Apology accepted. But only because you stammered."

"And I suppose you smoked all these cigarettes?"

"What are we doing in here? I don't think we're supposed to be in here."

"I realized I just couldn't do it."

"But you have to understand that this isn't a philosophy or a literary theory or a story to me. It's my life."

"Have you met anyone recently who might loathe the very core of you?"

"Everyone thinks about leaping off a building."

"We're imagining car wrecks!"

"It's been a very revealing 10 seconds."

"I've been odd and I... I know that I've been odd."

"Sitting in the rain isn't going to write a book."

"I will gladly and quietly help you kill [name]."

"What would you do if you knew you were going to die? Possibly soon..."

"You just said ten seconds ago, you wouldn't help me."

"That's a skill, not a superpower."

"I don't need a nicotine patch, [name]; I smoke cigarettes."

"I mean, who in their right mind in a choice between pancakes and living chooses pancakes?"

"They came pre-smoked."

"Get bent, taxman!"

"You're staring at my tits."

"I am relieved to know I'm not a golem."

"And how do you know I'm counting brush strokes?"

"The voice, did you hear it?"

"Anarchists have a group? ... They assemble? ... Wouldn't that defeat the whole purpose?."

"You will absolutely die. Even if you avoid this death, another will find you."

"This may sound like gibberish, but I think I'm in a tragedy."

"[Name], I'm being followed."

"And I guarantee, that it won't be nearly as poetic or as meaningful as what she's written."

"Big flag-burning to get to?"

"I'm a [descriptor]. EVERYONE hates me."

"I'm very sensitive, very caring and I have absolutely no idea how to play the guitar."

"It was a really awful day. I know, I made sure of it."

"You're asking me to knowingly face my death?"

"The cookies were good. Thank you for forcing me to eat them."

"If a man faces his death willingly... isn't that the type of man you want to keep alive?"

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Texts from Last Night inspired text starters [nsfw and sfw]

[text]: I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.

[text]: I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS

[text]: We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out

[text]: I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.

[text]: two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.

[text]: I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass

[text]: Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.

[text]: According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.

[text]: You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party

[text]: I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.

[text]: What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"

[text]: Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.

[text]: YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.

[text]: Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.

[text]: I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.

[text]: I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...

[text]: You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it

[text]: I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool

[text]: I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.

[text]: Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.

[text]: A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.

[text]: OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE

[text]: Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.

[text]: Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him

[text]: I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.

[text]: I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"

[text]: Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.

[text]: I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.

[text]: Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.

[text]: I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.

[text]: When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.

[text]: Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.

[text]: i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?

[text]: That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.

[text]: I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock

[text]: I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night

[text]: Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car

[text]: I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress

[text]: Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?

[text]: Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.

[text]: I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there

[text]: She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?

[text]: We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.

[text]: So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together

[text]: That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.

[text]: I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that

[text]: Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant

[text]: Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night

[text]: I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.

[text]: Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.

[text]: I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.

[text]: How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..

[text]: Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you

[text]: I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family

[text]: You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.