#and doesnt say just exactly how long he was there waiting

[natsuminmin]

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆ 500 MILLION HOURS -> ushijima wakatoshi !!!

ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁 .ᐟ NOW PLAYING . . . alexandra by reality club

synopsis; in which ushijima slowly realizes he's grown fond of the unexpected, as long as it was in the shape of you cw: fluff/slight angst (?), yearning obvi , ushi doesnt what to make of his feelings , pre!timeskip, unproofread + lowercase, can be interpreted as gn! , self-indulgent , ooc grr... (lmk if i forget something!!!)

"on a park bench, under the moon"

ushijima shouldn't have cared that much.

it was just a hug...right? it didn't mean anything?

enough, he wont torture himself with this. human emotions weren't exactly his strongest suit. he should just stick to volleyball.

but why did he feel his heart race when he looked down at you, with your arms wrapped around him? you who he towered over so easily? one look in your eyes and he found it hard to fight his irrational urge to pick you up and cradle you close to his body. excuse me...where did that even come from?

he cleared his throat to clear his mind, his gravelly voice filling the air.

"you're being clingy right now." yep, that was ushijima. blunt and concise as always. he saw you pull away with a huff, and he couldn't help but feel a pang of regret, maybe. he couldn't tell, all he knew was that he might've wanted your embrace around him for a second longer. his thoughts stopped swirling when you cut through it with your voice, something he always compared to the melodic tunes of a windchime, even as you used it to get sarcastic with him. he never did really get your humor.

"well, you should be used to it. we've been friends for forever."

"it's only been 5 years. besides, we'd both die before we become 'friends for forever.'"

you groaned at him with indignation, did he always have to take things so literally? it was only an exaggeration....you resumed your earlier pace, returning into a stride as you remembered why you were out so late at night anyway.

popsicles were far too good...it was a hot midnight and you craved some after being woken up to a dream of it. naturally, you texted him first. and here you were, sneaking out of the dorms as the both of you walked to the convenience store. you don't know how you managed to convince him to go with you. you didn't even notice how quickly his reply had sent, as if he was waiting for hours to hear from you.

just as you began to retort, he suddenly spoke and clashed with your own words:

"well-"

"you've never hugged me this much."

you cut yourself off to let him finish speaking. the both of you walk in the tranquility of night for a second, as if trying to let that awkward moment float away in the soft breeze.

what? why were you looking at him in that way? he was just being honest....you know he's always been blunt. you wouldn't judge him, would you? he was relieved when you broke the silence, letting out a soft breath. why was he so worried if he weirded you out? it's not like he expected you to run back to your dorm and leave him alone with a broken heart. nope, not at all.

"is it a crime to want to hug a friend? brighten up sometimes, ushi."

before he could say that he was not a flashlight therefore he could not brighten up, and that it was never a crime to touch someone unless it was to an extreme, you shushed him; as if you almost knew what he was going to say already. which you probably did...god, why did that make his heart squeeze?

"a-ba-bah-bah, don't say anything. let's just buy the popsicles.

─── ˚ʚ♡ɞ˚ ───

he found himself sitting at a park bench beside you, who was noisily slurping up the popsicles you had purchased and was obviously annoyed that it had melted that quickly. well, that's what popsicles usually did in the heat, after all

your beauty was simply divine, even when you were making the silliest faces as you tried to catch the juice that dripped down the popsicle stick. he thought you could rival even the goddess' when he saw the moonlight bounce off your eyes, making it sparkle more so than it usually did.

he noticed that you downed both of the popsicles immediately, leaving you with two plain sticks. he watched you stare at them for a while, before tucking it under your lips to create makeshift fangs.

"i'm dracula, bleh bleh blegh"

then you doubled over laughing at the joke (?) you made, he presumed. he was not getting any better at this.

he doesn't understand you.

he hates it. hates not knowing what you'll do next.

strangely enough, it's what draws him to you. he wants to analyze you. he wants to laugh at your jokes. he wants to know how you wanted to be loved. he wants to learn every single nook and cranny that created the outline of you.

he's aware volleyball was all he's ever mastered.

but you....you make him feel emotions that he didn't know he was possible of feeling. like he could dive in choppy waters and remain unscathed. heck, he felt cocky enough to puff up his chest and say those three special words already.

my god, if he can't focus on the only thing he knows, then what was he?

oh no.

he. was. a. fool.

for you, no less.

he so badly wanted to risk your friendship and confess at that very moment, yearned to finally grasp you in his arms the way you did.

no, screw that. he wouldn't know what to do.

so he resolved to wait instead. to wait until you made the first move. to wait until you had shown reassurance that you longed for him as much as he did for you.

if only he knew what was running in your mind as you chewed absent-mindedly on your popsicle stick, then he'd know that his feelings weren't unrequited after all. all you were thinking about was your next move, you had to make it bigger and bolder, because he just wouldn't get it otherwise. the signs were all there, she , ushijima. it's a shame, really.

but whatever, he's decided that he'd spend 500 million hours waiting, dedicate all his minutes to you; in hopes that you would finally find your way to your rightful place:

by his side.

"but in full view of what you are, you’re a goddess, you’re my rock star"

a/n: hahehuhiho i love basing my fics on songs sm. i remember yapping to my friend about creating this fic and said i should go for it...uu have her to thank gyus UGHH I CANT GET OVER HIM I WANNA MAKE MORE FICS WITH THIS KIND OF USHI should i make this into a 3-part fic that ends in total angst

[shadow0-1]

"You waited...?" "Of course."

Commission by @drawinglinestoconstellations / twitter

[sonknuxadow]

WAIT THE LARA SU CHRONICLES IS ACTUALLY COMING OUT SOON ? FOR REAL THIS TIME ?

[nanaccused]

I'm officially the side character in a romance drama

[hauntingblue]

Pluton lore: it can be used to make islands disappear. But why would crocodile want that

Zoro no learning that a swordsman is worth nothing if he can only attack and can't protect... yeah yeah yeah

Water luffy is so silly but makes so much sense like this is how we got to gear 5... also robin laughing.... this is where she thought she might join... like at least she will laugh with them. Also crocodile gets mad right after so it works to rile him up too!! Magnificent plan luffy

[pomegranatesarchive]

and they were roommates | oscar piastri

pairing: oscar piastri x youtuber!reader

summary: you and oscar are trying to keep your relationship a secret, so when you move in together you tell everyone your just roommates, it isn’t as believable as you thought it would be.

liked by oscarpiastri, and 210,838 others!

yourusername: new city? new roommate!

view comments below!

user1: y/n in her monaco era ???

user2: i did NOT see this coming

user3: wait but i’ll miss your old roommate

user4: RIGHT ??? she was so funny 😭

user5: oscar in the likes ???

user6: what is oscar doing on a y/n post 😨

user7: what if HES the new roommate…

user8: reaching 😭

user9: oscar this oscar that WHENS THE BEW VIDEO ??? ITS BEEN WEEKS

user10: roommate? you’re a like gazillionaire why do you need a roommate ??

user11: why do you need a roommate ?? you’re rich ???

user12: hmmm something’s off

liked by oscarpiastri, logansargeant, landonorris, and 726,028 others!

yourusername; new video with my new roommate! enjoy :)))

view comments below!

user13: roommate???? not with the way he looks at you

user14: AHHH NEW VIDEO

user14: OMG I LOVED IT

user14: IT WAS SO FUNNY ????

user14: YOU AND OSCAR ARE HILARIOUS TOGETHER

user15: are you SURE youre just roommates ???

user16: roommates don’t look at roommates that way 😾

user17: i watched the video, and i honestly think you guys should just order out from now on…

user18: why is oscar looking at y/n like shes the beautiful girl on planet earth

user19: because she is ??? 🙄

user20: these two are DEFINITELY not just roommates

user21: i don’t think i’ve ever seen roommates who look like they are restraining themselves from kissing every second of the day ??

user22: no yall are definitely dating….

user23: RIGHT ??? because this whole ‘roommate’ DOESNT MAKE SENSE!!!!

user23: LIKE THEY ARE BOTH RICH, WHY DO THEY NEED TO HAVE A ROOMMATE???

user24; the way they both so polite cat coded

user25: if you aren’t already dating, i’m going to need you both to start IMMEDIATELY.

liked by oscarpiastri, mclaren, and 835,017 others!

yourusername; why do i always pick rock? anyways guys yes i am dating oscar jack paistri, and he’s keeping me hostage.

view comments below!

user26: HELLOOO?????

user27: the feet pic ???

yourusername: yeah oscar’s really into feet ☹️

oscarpiastri: NO IM NOT????

user28: oh i love this…

user29: omg the love letter…

user30: clap if you’re suprised!!

user31: dead silence

user32: it’s kinda easy to tell you’re dating when you look at each other the way you do

landonorris: I KNEW IT!!!

yourusername: yeah we told you last year…

landonorris: exactly? I KNEW IT.

user33: omg he writes you LOVE LETTERS ??? @/user33boyfriend do better.

user34: wow i’m so lonely

user35: i have no idea who this people are, but instagram showed me this literally 20 minutes after my bf broke up with me

user36: so😭happy😭for😭you😭

user37: WHEN IS IT MY TURRN

liked by, landonorris, yourusername, and 924,104 others!

oscarpiastri; she always picks rock. yes im dating THEE y/n l/n

view comments below!

yourusername; never beating the foot lover allegations i fear…

oscarpiastri: YOU STARTED THOSE ALLEGATIONS

yourusername: AND YOURE NOT BEATING THEM

user38: omg the locket 🥹🥹

user39: how long do you think they’ve been dating

user40: twitter detectives are SPECULATING 3 years or so ??

user41: how did they keep this a secret for SO long

user42: you like feet don’t you oscar…

user43: THIS IS SO CUTE IM HYPERVENTILATING

user44: THE LOCKET, THE MATCHING SLIPPERS, THE CUTE SOCKS?? LITERALLY SO CUTEYEYDJDKSS

user45: “she always picks rock” “why do i always pick rock?�� i feel left out and i DONT LIKE IT

. . .

notes; the streets are saying oscar has officially moved to monaco ?? so here’s this:

[kings-highway]

haikyuu airport headcanons bc im in an airport. no particular order. shipping involved.

- Daichi has never missed a flight and somehow everyone manages to make fun of him for this. never forgets to pack anything. always finds his gate on time. "lmao loser," Suga says, missing 2 bags and lost as fuck across the airport. he will not make his flight.

- Hinata and Kageyama navigating an airport is nearly a crisis. They can never agree on the right way to go and especially during layovers will often end up outside of security. The first time they travel with Tsukki + Yama as a group it's like a goddamn miracle because they dont need to rush and everything goes smoothly.

- on that topic, Tsukki and Yamaguchi have travel down to a science. these bitches have checklists and schedules and just get in and out. Tsukki keeps the boarding passes and Yamaguchi counts the bags and they split snacks on the plane and just nail the whole affair

- Noya and Asahi are the most experienced travelers and have been to so many airports and you'd think this makes them good at airports and it does not

- Ushijima has never gotten through security without being searched.

- Oikawa likes airports an unreasonable amount. Bitch thrives in liminal spaces. "Lets go check out which stores are open," he says, as Iwaizumi begs him to let him sit down and nap during their layover

- Kenma has airport anxiety. "We're going to miss our flight. What if our gate changes?" What if there's a delay?" He does not like putting his schedule into the hands of an Airline. Rightfully so, he loses his luggage an obscene amount.

- Kageyama and Hinata fighting and causing a ruckus in the airport and security has to come over to talk to them

- Tendou and Ushijima are generally really prepared and on top of things, but they just seem to have the worst luck. They got stranded at an airport during a layover for like 14 hours and went through every stage of grief. It doesnt help that Ushijima is really practical and good at accepting circumstances ("I'll just sit here and wait") but Tendou is highly emotional ("I'm going to eat the next airline associate that tries to talk to me.")

- Daichi is often seen standing alone in airports. This is because no matter who he's traveling with, he's probably waiting for them to catch up.

- Aran thought he was a good and functional adult until he saw Kita's itinerary for their travel plans and how neurotic he was about making sure everything on time. Kita will pre-measure and weigh all luggage to know exactly whats going on. Looking at airport layouts days before to memorize what needs to be done.

- Atsumu and Osamu have never made a flight on time. The best they can hope for is sprinting across the airport at full-tilt. This is a common occurance.

- Oikawa makes friends wherever he goes so he doesnt mind long layovers, he'll just sit and chat with whoever is around to pass the time, but one time he did leave with a group to check out a store without saying anything and Iwaizumi was lost for 30 minutes

- Asahi has so much anxiety with airports. Too many people. Too many deadlines. Bad vibes. One time a guy in an airport gave him incorrect directions to a gate and he missed his flight and he has never recovered.

- Kuroo "Yeah we have tons of time" Tetsurou is a menace to airport staff and has never budgeted enough time.

- Tsukki is a master at packing efficiently and this is exclusively due to wanting to avoid others complaining. He can pull basically anything out of his carry-on to prevent whining on a 5 hour flight. Yamaguchi uses him like a vending machine.

- Daichi once got mistaken for an airline worker and ended up with a whole group of people he was helping find their gates

- Bokuto loves traveling and flying. He finds it so fun and exciting. This is probably why Akaashi hates traveling and flying.

- Suga secretly likes layovers because he secretly hates planes and cannot stand sitting still for that long. He always pretends it such a hassle to have to wait but its the best part of the travel day when he gets to buy himself a muffin and bother Daichi for entertainment.

- Ushijima, Daichi, Kenma, and Asahi are all team "No PDA in an Airport!!!!!" whereas Tendou, Suga, Kuroo and Noya are all team "We have 2 hours to kill let me make out with you!!!!"

- Yamaguchi has sooooooo many reward points. Tsukishima doesnt even know what he's doing to get them, he's just a master of good deals and specials.

- Mile High Club Members: Iwaoi, Bokuaka, Ushiten, and Asanoya

- Wannabe Mile High Club Members who cannot convince their boyfriends it'll be okay: Suga

- Wannabe Mile High Club Members that will NOT admit they think about it: Yamaguchi, Hinata, Kageyama, Aran

... well im boarding soon so thanks for reading ig

[morose-melodies]

hello!

First,i have something to say to the fatuis in the pregnant reader fic...JOKES ON YOU İ HAVE A HİGH CHANCE OF MİSSCARRİAGE AND PROBABLY NEVER HAVE KİDS(we can act like this part doesnt exists)

anyway,onto the point.Can i request capitano,dottore,Childe and pantalone with a reader who acts really REALLY cold towards them and refuses to ask any favor from them?like- even if they are thirsty in the middle of the night,they would just sleep,wait until the morning and then ask one of the maids for a cup of water.if anything here makes you uncomfortable you are free to ignore it!

cold as snezhnaya | various! yandere! fatui harbinger x reader

a/n: I got a little bit lazy sorry!!

CAPITANO

capitano would bend over back for you, he'd do whatever you pleased... if only you'd ask.

initially, the captain hadn't noticed your cold demeanor, or... he simply didn't pay mind to it. perhaps you were having a bad day? well, he'd do everything in his power to make you feel better.

but, it never seemed to work.

no matter how many times he'd come home to you after a long grueling mission, you were still the same.

he had tried approaching you differently, giving you space, and even coming home with gifts. nothing worked.

perhaps you were afraid of him? he would remove his mask and armor before approaching you, and he would try to smile more for you - once again, nothing worked.

he wouldn't give up on you, ever. you were worth fighting for.

"(y/n)," he approached you one early morning, watching from a distance as you poured yourself, "how have you been? is there anything you'd like?"

he could hear you sigh once he started speaking.

"no."

he, too, sighed. you were complex - confusing but capitano wanted to figure you out. he wanted to suit you and be whatever pleased you.

but, he had tried everything. if he were being honest with himself, he was getting frustrated - not with you but himself.

he placed a hand on the counter, and watched you. he wanted to plead with you, to understand how you were feeling, to understand why.

"is there something upsetting you? you could tell me and we would-"

"no. no, I'm fine."

you took your tea and turned to leave.

the captain prided himself on his self-control. he would never lash out at you, so, why did he take a large step towards you and grab your arm?

if you weren't afraid of him before, surely you were now.

"(y/n), please. tell me what I could do for you, anything, ask anything of me. do you not understand how much I care for you?"

when you tried to pull away, a shocked look on your face, his grip tightened, "(y/n), answer me. do it or I swear to the archons-"

"let go-!" tugging once again, you tried to free your arm from his painful grip, "let me go! that's what i want."

he released you immediately.

if you asked, he'd never show his face to you again.

"(y/n), forgive me," he started, looking at you, at the way you looked at him and couldn't finish - he stood there, his heart pounding hard against his chest.

he was the worst, was he not?

he would spend the rest of his life working for your forgiveness, and wouldn't regret a second of it.

DOTTORE

dottore had been considering something immoral as of late.

you've been acting differently, rude even and that was him putting it nicely. sure, he had been selfish by taking you from your home to be with him.

but, he was a selfish man.

your behavior was looked down upon, oh, how dottore hated it. it was unreasonable and immature.

he wished you'd grow up and talk to him about it instead of sulking and dragging your feet around the manor.

after a few attempts, dottore had given up on tending to your needs; he stopped trying to make you feel at home.

it didn't exactly matter how you felt, did it? you were here to make him happy, no? so, why were you making him feel so frustrated?

the sound of shattering glass caught dottore's attention - looking down at his bloodied hand, he saw that he had squeezed the small vial just a bit too hard.

you were becoming a distraction, a very bad problem.

now, as for what he was considering. well, he wanted you to change, to be the lovable angel you once were, it seemed impossible, oh, but it wasn't. not for him anyway.

and, it only took him five months to perfect it. in the form of a small pill was a life-changing drug.

"go get (y/n) for me," dottore asked of an assistant, pocketing the pill with his bloodied hand, oops. dottore looked at his hand, grimacing, he'd need to patch it up sooner than later.

a few minutes had passed when the assistant came back, peeking into the officer nervously, "come in - don't just stand there," dottore shook his head at the man.

"she's asleep, sir."

oh yes, it was nearly four in the morning. dottore nodded and waved the man off, he pocketed the pill and bandaged his hand.

...

while you were idly staring out a window, dottore dropped the pillow into your tea as he passed you by.

he'd be lying if he said he wasn't feeling even a little bit excited.

soon enough, you'd be the same (y/n) he met years ago, he mused as he made his way to his bedroom. oh, he needed rest badly and his back was killing him.

you took the mug and sipped the drink.

you pressed your cheek against the cold glass once more, your warm breath fogging up the glass. in the next few hours, you would idly sip your drink until it was gone.

dottore slept soundly, having forgotten about everything he'd done in the past few months. he was exhausted.

so, when you opened his bedroom door, peeking in at him.

he was confused.

"dottore, could I sleep beside you?"

"... of course," nonetheless, he agreed, how could he deny you?

CHILDE

childe had randomly, at some point, anticipated that you might hate him and never return the love he feels for you.

it was a passing thought, though. he'd never sat down and thought of how he'd react, or how he'd convince you to love him.

but, now that he's in that exact situation, he's been thinking nonstop about it.

he didn't want you to hate him - he didn't want you to feel out of place in snezhnaya, he wanted you to be loved, and feel safe - he wanted you to feel at home.

seeing that you didn't enjoy being here or anywhere near him, his mind was fuzzy - he hadn't thought a straight thought in a while, especially when you were near. he wanted to hug you, or drop to his knees and beg you to love him back - if it would work, then he'd do it.

he was getting a bit desperate.

it was getting increasingly uncomfortable to sit in silence while eating by your side - shouldn't the two of you be talking to one another; enjoying each other's presence like normal couples?

clearing his throat, ajax asked, "how's the food, (y/n)? my... my mom used to make it all the time when i was little. huh, it's probably not giving her justice... her's had a distinct taste."

he was met with silence.

uncomfortable silence.

"... she would make it for my birthday... uh, it was my favorite."

you glanced at him, before looking back down at your food.

childe sighed, resting his chin into his palm as he looked at you. he was super frustrated "you're upsetting me, (y/n)... as much as i hate to admit it."

you lifted your head to look at him, your eyebrow raised, your fork hanging in your hand, "why's that?"

it was that! that exact attitude, that's why he was so upset! without much of a second thought, childe tugged you out of your chair, holding onto your arm tightly.

"gosh, (y/n), what's with you!? I love you, i love you so much! s-so why are you acting like this!? just tell me! tell me so i can make it better!"

squeezing your arms, his hands trembled. he was at his wits end with you; he just wanted your love, was that too much to ask for?

pulling you against his chest, he hugged you tightly, "(y/n), what did I do so wrong?" he pressed his lips to the top of your head, kissing you. "let me make it better, please let me fix this."

PANTALONE

pantalone only ever gave you his best.

in appearance and attitude. you'd never catch him being angry, or having his hair disheveled - that was below him.

so, he couldn't understand why you were appreciative of all the effort he put into you - he would buy you nice clothing, hire maids to do your hair, have large breakfasts made for you, and even allow you to roam the garden freely.

he does all of that and yet you won't even speak to him willingly - it was disheartening, least to say.

but, he was understanding. you were scared, that had to be it, right? this was a very sudden change for you, of course, you were afraid.

or so, he thought.

as time passed, and he gave you time and space, he realized you were just cold to him and now, he simply couldn't understand why.

he treated you very well; he gave you affection and nice things, and he even gave you space when it seemed you needed it.

but, no matter what he did, he had never gotten a single 'thank you' from you. you had no manners and that upset him more than anything.

admittedly, he had gotten too angry.

watching you roam the snowy garden without as much as a coat frustrated him, but it mattered not; he'd give you his coat, and you would thank him if that was the last thing you did.

"(y/n), are you enjoying the garden?"

"I am."

"are you not cold?" as he walked nearer to you, he noticed you shifted away from him. once again, it did not matter! he would form you into a respectable person.

"no."

"you and I both know that's not true, here," slipping off his coat, he placed it over your shoulders and manually slipped your arms through the sleeves, "there - I'm sure you feel much better now, no?"

you stared down at the flowers, your lips pressed into a thin line.

oh, so you were upset now? "it was very gentlemanly of me to offer you my coat, a thank you would be kind."

he was simply suggesting it, or that's what his tone suggested anyway.

"I didn't ask for your coat, here you can have it back," you sighed, attempting to remove the coat to give back to him, "I'll go back in soon. it doesn't matter."

"no, no," he shook his head, placing a hand on your shoulder to keep the coat on, "it wouldn't kill you to thank me. have some manners, (y/n)."

he could see it in your expression, you were agitated. well, too bad.

"... (y/n), you're kidding me," he was surprised you'd be so stubborn, "can you not thank me? when have i ever asked this of you? not once. so, humble you-"

"thank you, pantalone, for the coat," you cut him off, glaring as you walked past him to go back inside.

it was a start! pantalone would take it. so, smiling to himself, he looked down at the flowers before him.

[hyukalyptus]

heyy could u do smthing like txt reactions to u using the safe word while at it????

omg of course!! i love this idea sm.

cw. use of safe word, all of them stop ofc, sex, rough bdsm stuff is not mentioned, soob is big and clumsy and reader likes pushing limits, gyu uses red/green/yellow system and likes pushing limits, pet names (baby), aftercare, tae's kinda vanilla and feels guilty, kai is kinky asf (but that's not discussed here; go check out lia's duality for that lol), cuddling, kissing.

smut(?) under cut!

yeonjun - omg honestly i think he’d be the absolute sweetest. stops in his tracks, lifts his hands off you, but stays inside you to wait for further instruction. doesn't apologize because you've ask him not to in the past (makes you feel guilty) and he's worked so hard to make sure you feel safe with him and that you're not hesitant using the safe word. he's so proud (but doesn't show it) that you feel safe enough to use the safe word with him. "what did i do? what can i do to make it better?” doesn't touch you until you say its okay. once you've caught your breath and have calmed down, he very cautiously and with your permission picks things back up, finishing you, but he doesn't finish himself. he can get off later.

soobin - he's the one that insisted on creating a safe word in the first place. he knows he can sometimes be just a bit too clumsy and a bit too big that he doesn't know if he's hurting his sex partners or if they're just playing into it. so he learned quickly that he needs to establish a safe word every time, especially since you like pushing the limits. things start getting a little too hot and heavy for your liking and he's getting a little too carried away. it feels so good at first, until he takes it just a bit too far. typically, you're usually comfortable enough to ease him down with body language and talking, but something was off today and you needed it to stop. he comes to a slow stop, relaxing his hands, loosening his grip on you and turning them into soothing strokes and caresses. asking and giving exactly what you need.

beomgyu - first of all, i see him as the type to use the red, yellow, green system. and can definitely see him pushing you into yellow a lot. and he loves it (as do you), but he's cautious. the second you say red, he drops everything. "was that too much for my baby? i'm sorry..." going to get you some water and sitting down to have an in-depth conversation about what was too far. "did you like the idea of it and i just went too far? did you want to try it again but slower? was what i did completely out of the question now? what can i do to make you feel safer next time? do you feel safe right now?" turns into soft and slow aftercare that eventually warms up to slow and sensual sex to make up for it.

taehyun - i think feels the most guilty out of them. he doesn't strike me as the kinda guy to be super into kink stuff, so i think he almost doesnt know how to handle it other than apologizing. asks a lot of questions, like, "are you okay? you sure? do you want me to finish you? i'd be happy to if you like." and you agreeing that you'd still like to come as long as he still wants to and is comfortable to keep going but as soon as he's inside you, "are you sure you're okay if i finish too?" maybe becomes a bit too nervous before both of you agree its better for both of you to stop completely and cuddle the rest of the night.

hueningkai - honestly i feel like kai's kinky asf and i will not be silenced any longer. he talks a lot about it with you beforehand anyway, so its rare that you (or any of his partners) get to that point because he knows all ur limits and how to push them and how to not push them too far. so you saying it is a bit of a shock, but he knows exactly what to do. drops everything, slides out of you, asks what you need from him. and when you request cuddles, he's the biggest cuddle bug ever. cheek kisses, whispers in ur ear about how perfect and beautiful you are. dragging his nails down ur arm. omfg i love him.

[lemmetreatya]

kpop fanboy!eren who runs a famous stan account for his favourite kpop group — but mostly only famous himself because most fans stan him instead

kpop fanboy!eren who regularly posts dance videos or makes fan based tiktoks about the group. kpop fanboy!eren whos even been noticed by some of the groups on twitter when they do occasional menpas.

kpop fanboy!eren who makes a group chat for a meet up at a concert for his favourite group in his city. kpop fanboy!eren who adds you into the chat, unknowing of how cute you are. he doesn’t realise at first — being chat admin comes with it’s responsibilities and for awhile he’s unaware of who you are.

but one day kpop fanboy!eren checks your account out of curiosity and it’s absolutely star struck by how pretty you are. kpop fanboy!eren who dms you privately to get to know you. kpop fanboy!eren who no longer talks in the chat but never fails to text you throughout the day.

“fuck, you’re much cuter over the screen.”

kpop fanboy!eren‘s voice is deep as you cover your giggle with the back of your hand. why exactly was he facetiming you again?

kpop fanboy!eren who’s chats are suggestive despite his constant tweets about turning down advances from other fangirls. kpop fanboy!eren who asks if youd like to meet up a few hours before the kpop concert.

kpop fanboy!eren who takes you out for a meal at the kbbq place not too far from the venue.

“damn, you’re even cuter in person” he says as he hugs you hello.

kpop fanboy!eren who tells you to slip with him into his section of the concert venue so that you’re closer to the stage. kpop fanboy!eren who tells you to come with him to the toilets real quick before the concert starts — something about one of his contacts flying out.

however, once you step out of the arean seating area, kpop fanboy!eren softly leans you up against the wall of the hallway and you have to ask him what’s wrong.

“can i kiss you right now?” he asks, breath hitched and hands warm on your waist.

“what happened to your contacts? they’re okay now?” you muse although you can feel your heart picking up at his advances.

“they were always fine.” he rolls his eyes. “just wanted an excuse to get with you alone.”

and you figure that was the idea but you didn’t want to jump to conclusions. regardless, youre leaning in first so that he can get the message. kpop fanboy!eren takes the initiative and lightly kisses you as he meets you half way.

but the kiss doesn’t stay innocent for along and soon the both of you are gripping at each others faces and pressing into the other.

“okay, now i need to go to the bathroom.” he breaths and you understand what he’s getting at.

kpop fanboy!eren ends up fucking you over the sink in the communal toilets. his moans are so loud, garbling on about how he’s been waiting so long for this.

every time someone accidentally steps in, you have to abashedly cover your face because most of stan tweet were literally at this show. but kpop fanboy!eren didnt care about who saw, and that aroused you even more because he had more to lose than you did.

the both of you hear the thundering opening of the kpop act coming on stage and you want to get angry at the man but you cant! he was digging you out so good that maybe missing just the first few minutes werent so bad.

“ren…ren…t-the show.” you whine with the back of your head leaning against the mirror.

kpop fanboy!eren doesnt let up — he just continues fucking into your wet cunt.

“fuck the show. right now…im f-fucking…fucking you.”

kpop fanboy!eren pulls out at the last minute and ends up cumming onto your concert fit. you have in mind to be mad at him but the sparkling glow in his eyes and the way he still reaches in for a kiss changes your mind.

both you and kpop fanboy!eren go back to the arena area to watch the rest of the concert and you enjoy it regardless. you just both make sure to mute your usernames on the timeline once it’s finished.

[daisymbin]

hi belle! could u pls do fluff prompt #10 w vernon? tysm, and i love ur fics!!

ofc <3 thank you lovely!!!!

full prompt list!

check out my masterlist! // hansol's m.list

fluff prompt #10: ''do you ever think about us like... as more than friends?''

the bingsoo looked perfect when it arrived at the table, glistening under the soft lights of the dessert shop. but your stomach dropped the second you noticed the small, harmless-looking garnish sprinkled on top—peanuts.

without thinking, you snatched the bowl away, your hand moving faster than your brain.

“hey!” hansol blinked, startled, as the bowl slid out of his reach. “what—”

“peanuts,” you said quickly, your voice tinged with panic. “hansol, there are peanuts on this.”

his eyes widened, his confusion turning to realization. “oh.”

you pushed the bowl to the far corner of the table, as if even being near it was a risk. your heart was racing, your mind flashing through every worst-case scenario.

“you okay?” hansol asked, his voice soft now, his gaze flicking between you and the offending dessert.

“me? are you okay?” you countered, still a little breathless.

he laughed, his tone light but touched with fondness. “i didn’t even touch it. you’re acting like i almost died.”

“you could have!” you shot back, your voice a little sharper than intended. “what if you didn’t notice? what if i didn’t notice? do you know how bad that would’ve been?”

he smiled, his lips quirking up in that easy, lopsided way that always made your chest ache just a little. “but you did notice.”

before you could reply, hansol’s mom, who had been quietly watching the whole scene, let out a soft chuckle.

“am i missing something? are you two-” she asked, her voice warm with amusement although cut off.

your face immediately grew hot, your hands fumbling with the edge of your napkin. “what? no! we’re just-”

“friends,” hansol said, his voice even, though he avoided your gaze.

his mom raised an eyebrow, a sly smile playing on her lips. she doesnt miss the disappointment in her son's voice. “well, i’m sure to outsiders, you both already look like a couple.”

you froze, stealing a glance at hansol. his ears were red, but he didn’t say anything, just let out a short laugh as if to brush the comment off. the rest of the meal passed in a blur, though her words lingered in your mind, sitting heavy and warm in your chest.

later, as you and hansol walked home together, the silence between you was almost deafening. it wasn’t uncomfortable exactly, but it was charged, like both of you were waiting for the other to speak first.

hansol’s eyes stayed locked on yours, the intensity of the moment suddenly making your chest feel tight. the silence stretched just long enough for you to feel the weight of it, and you quickly broke it with a nervous laugh. “so, uh… peanuts, huh?”

he blinked, momentarily caught off guard. “yeah,” he said with a soft chuckle, catching your attempt to lighten the mood. “deadly garnish of doom.”

“lucky for you, i have lightning-fast reflexes,” you teased, nudging his arm. “not everyone’s willing to risk life and limb to save their friend from dessert.”

he laughed, his hand brushing through his hair. “you make it sound like i’m not worth the trouble.”

you tilted your head, pretending to think. “hmm… well, i guess you’re worth saving.”

“guess?” he asked, grinning. but then his smile faded into something quieter, his pace slowing as he glanced at you again.

silence took over yet again, but this time, it was almost as if you could hear the gears in his brain turning, "what's wrong?" you finally asked.

“do you think... we could ever be more than this?” his voice almost a whisper.

your breath caught, his words settling over you like the cool evening air. “what?” you managed, not entirely sure you’d heard him right.

“i mean, do you ever think about us... like as more than friends?” he finally repeated after a beat.

“just wondering,” he said quickly, his voice lighter now, though you could tell by the way his hands fidgeted in his pockets that the question wasn’t as casual as he tried to make it seem. “i mean, i think about it sometimes.”

“you think about us?” you asked, your voice softer now.

he nodded, meeting your eyes with a nervous smile. “yeah. like, what it’d be like if we were more than just… this.”

your heart thudded painfully in your chest, and for a second, you couldn’t find the words. finally, you let out a breathless laugh, a small, teasing smile tugging at your lips. “maybe i think about it too.”

his head whipped toward you, his eyes wide. “you do?”

“maybe,” you said, drawing out the word, your voice light but your gaze steady on his.

he let out a laugh, though it sounded more relieved than anything. “so… do you think we could give it a try? the whole ‘more than friends’ thing?”

you grinned at how hopeful he sounded, how his voice had a slight tremor to it no matter how nonchalant and casual he tried to seem. you knew better, you always did when it comes to him. “as long as there are no peanuts involved, i’m open to it.”

his laugh came easier this time, and without a second thought, he reached out and took your hand in his. his fingers were warm, his grip steady. “deal. no peanuts. ever.”

“good,” you said, squeezing his hand as you started walking again. “and next time, you’re paying for dessert.”

“only if you promise not to steal it again,” he teased, though his tone was soft, the humor unable to hide the warmth in his voice.

the rest of the walk home felt lighter somehow, the air between you charged but comfortable, like you’d both been waiting for this moment without even realizing it. when hansol glanced at you again, the corners of his mouth quirking up into that lopsided smile, you couldn’t help but smile back, your chest feeling full in a way you hadn’t expected.

[pressureplus]

I need that for my comfort!🥺✨ Trans boy reader who started to have dysphoria because his hair a getting to long for his comfort. So he ask to Sebastian to help him cut them shorter, which Sebastian hesitantly agreed. Might not be the best since it’s was cut with some scissors and also because Sebastian never cut hair before. But reader is still happy with the result lol.

This is so cute

Hair and Care 101

Pairings: Sebastian Solace X TransMasc!Reader

Au: Classic

Warnings: Mentions of Gender Dysphoria

◞꒷◟ ͜ ͜ ◞ྀི◟୨୧◞ྀི◟ ͜ ͜ ◞꒷◟◞꒷◟ ͜ ͜ ◞ྀི◟୨୧◞ྀི◟ ͜ ͜ ◞꒷◟

“And you're sure you want me to cut it? You won't do it yourself?”

“I can't exactly see the back of my head, so yes.” You sit on a stool, hands knitted together in anxiety. You'd asked Sebastian if he would be willing to cut your hair for you today. It had been, admittedly, a bit awkward to ask. He’d been flipping through files and restocking the supplies on his tail when you'd stepped into his shop. Your long hair getting in your eyes and somewhat fanning out nearly down to your hips. You hadn't had the opportunity to get it cut in so long it made your skin crawl. You felt…feminine. Way too feminine. You can't remember the last time you let your hair grow out this long and its made it really, really hard to focus on anything else. Its not just because it gets in your eyes and you can't for the life of you find a hairtie. Its deeper than that. You've started to almost flinch away from your reflections in the water and windows.

You've started to grab at your hips, at your face, poking and prodding and wondering if you can even pass with long hair. You haven't met another person besides Sebastian and the idea of being unable to see yourself the way you should. The way you know in your heart to be right. It makes you uncomfortable. You can only pinch and poke and prod for so long before your skin gets irritated. Right now, sat here, waiting for Sebastian to cut your hair? This was like your skin getting irritated. You had to debate if you were willing to even let another person cut your hair. What if they butchered it? What if it made you look worse than before? What if he fucked it up so bad you looked like one of those weird troll dolls but worse somehow? It had been your biggest worry for quite some time, until your hair got long enough that you couldn't stand it anymore.

“I feel like I should make you sign a waiver.”

“Sebastian, Im serious. Please, just cut it, I don't care if it's the worst thing ever. I can't keep walking around like this.”

“You understand my hands are too big to fit these scissors properly, right?”

“Doesnt matter, just get it done.” He sighs and grabs a collection of your long locks, specifically the one around your face. He straightens the hair to the best of his abilities using a hand so he can make the cleanest cuts he can.

“Why does this matter so much to you? Shouldn't you be, I don't know, focused on surviving? I mean paying me for a haircut seems a bit much.”

“Its…complicated.”

“How complicated can it really be?” He hums as he continues to make cuts, the sound of scissors through hair joining the sound of dripping water and Sebastian's voice. Would he even be cool about something like this? He doesn't particularly like anyone, and he's not really friendly with you either. Would he use it against you somehow? Would he get aggressive about it?

“I just feel kind of…feminine, and it makes me uncomfortable.” You mutter and this only gets a chuckle, sounding condescending.

“Oh, Expendable, long hair doesn't make you any less of a man. Don't be ridiculous.”

“I just don't like it.”

“Look, all I'm saying is, you could have bought a medkit instead of a haircut. If its this important than fine. Who am I to tell you how to spend your collected data?”

“Whether it makes me more of a man or not, is it wrong of me to not like feeling…” You trail off, and all at once, Sebastian tenses mid cut.

“Oh…thats what this is about.” His tone softens up a bit, the mild poking he had been doing immediately being cut out as he carries on cutting your hair.

“This isn't too stupid of a purchase, I guess.” He adds on.

“Yeah?” You ask as he finishes up, putting the scissors to the side and ruffling your hair to get any loose strands out.

“Yeah. Go take a look,” he motions towards the water so you can see yourself in the reflection. You peer down into it curiously and immediately your shoulders relax. You hadn't even realized you'd been tense. Your hairs a bit choppy, admittedly, but its not ugly or particularly butchered by any means. He was oddly thoughtful and careful about taking care of your hair for you. Even saying it was ridiculous to spend your data on, he didn't ruin it for you on purpose.

“Its good, you did a good job.”

“Yeah, well, I'm sure if you keep coming to me I'll get better every time.”

“Im sure you will, then.” You give him a smile and he kind of awkwardly smiles back for a moment. A bit of hesitation as you grab the keycard off his desk and put your swimming gear back on now that its dry.

“Wait.”

“Ah- Yes Sebastian?” You turn, concerned about what he might say. He's not stupid and you're certain he's figured you out by now. If he doesn't like it, there's nothing he can do about it sure but you always tense when people get all awkward around you. He hesitates a moment longer before giving you a little wave.

“You look better with short hair anyway.”

“You think so?”

“Yeah, I do…now go on and get out of here. I've got other Expendables to deal with and a mess of hair to clean.”

[iznyangwoni]

EASY TO LOVE | chapter nineteen !

You’ve been working all day on the outfits for the festival and honestly it’s been great at taking your mind off of Jungwon. This last week all you did was ignore him, thinking of how you should talk to him, what to say, how to say it. But all your overthinking did was just making you distance yourself from him, as if fighting wasnt enough.

You sigh, finally finishing one of the hundreds sketches you need to do before sunday. Its already getting late, but you need a few more people to come in for you to take measurements, so its gonna take a while before you can go home, not that you really mind, you like doing this after all.

You hear a knock on the door, so you tell them to come in, not really looking towards that direction since you’re busy choosing a color for the skirts. The door closes and you raise your head only when a grocery bag stops your vision. Your heart drops when you see Jungwon, you cant really read his expression, he looks both annoyed and relieved.

You take off your headphones and glasses, your ears getting red. “Sunghoon told me you haven’t eaten all day.” You gulp, not really knowing what to say, your eyes fall on the bag, then on Jungwon again. “You spoke… with Sunghoon?” “You’ve been avoiding me for a week, i did what i had to do.”

You bite your inner lip, you cant really imagine the two of them having a normal conversation, but you’re glad they’re growing. Jungwon sits in front of you, his eyes never leaving you, you’re trying to be tough, but its hard when your mind is going a thousand per miles and your heart is about to explode.

“I’ve been busy with the festival.” “Don’t bullshit me.” His cold voice makes your back shiver, and then you see it, that angry look he’s had since the fight, you run a hand through your hair, and then start tidying up the desk, you know he’s not going until you eat, so might as well get this over soon.

“I don’t like your attitude.” You say, and he laughs sarcastically, taking the ramen off of the bag, he already put the hot water in it before coming, the thought of him doing all of this for you makes you sigh. “Just eat and dont complain.” You roll your eyes and finally sit down again to eat, you only left your sketchbook on the table, just in case you get any ideas.

“You’ve been hanging a lot with Minji..” “Mh.” Jungwon didn’t think twice before digging into his ramen, meanwhile you’re still playing with your chopsticks. “Riki and Jake say that she’s been weird lately. So they dont hang much with us anymore.” “Ah.” This whole thing is awkward, the way you’re talking, the way he either looks into your soul or doesn’t look at you at all.

Still, maybe this is the right time to tell him the truth, to finally express how you feel and actually tell him what happened, but you’re still scared. Jungwon basically doesn’t hang out with his best friends only because of her, how delusional do you have to be to think he would believe you? “Jungwon… I’m scared.”

Finally his eyes meet yours again, your hand is slightly shaking, and you cant really stop it now. You bite your inner lip once again, meanwhile he completely stops eating just to hear you out. “Of what?” “Of you not believing me. Or of you choosing Minji instead of me.” “Y/n you can’t make me choose.”

That’s exactly what you were afraid of. Of course he doesnt want to choose, he’s known you only for a few months, meanwhile him and Minji have been friends since ever, he’s never going to pick you. “You’ll have to once you know what happened.” “Then tell me.” You take a deep breath, you really cant find the words to tell him, he’s looking at you patiently, but you dont know how long he can wait.

Just thinking back about it makes you feel ill and dirty, you want things with jungwon to work out, you want to be able to date him and call him your boyfriend but god is it hard to just say it. You look at him, your throat already hurting meanwhile he seems to be getting disappointed. “That video minji mentioned to you…” your mouth feels dry, meanwhile your eyes are the complete opposite.

You shake your head, you dont want to say it, you dont want him to think of you as low as you think of yourself for what happened. Jungwon hand reaches out to yours, wanting to soothe you. “Jiyoon was in Minji’s friend group last year, and we… we weren’t really friends.” You decide to start like this, its really now or never.

“And i was kind of dating this guy, Ricky.” “Kind of?” You give him a bad look, its not really the time to joke now, but you’re glad he’s making it less awkward.

“Well, turns out, Ricky was cheating on me with her, and they wanted me out of the picture.” You take another deep breath, you did have a little crush on Ricky last year, but it was nothing like what you feel for Jungwon, but thinking about what happened still hurts you like crazy. “So they.. they decided to take a video, something that could ruin the reputation of my family if it got out…i didnt know the phone was there when it was recording.”

Jungwon is listening carefully, caressing your fingers with his thumb, going through your jewelry so gently. “What was in the video?” You look at him again, you really dont want to say it, but you have to. “It was me, at Ricky’s house. And we were alone, and.. things escalated and we were-” “Y/n.”

The way he calls you makes you scared, is he mad at you? Does he think you’re disgusting? You dont even want to look at him in the eyes out of fear.

“Y/n, look at me.” Your bottom lip is trembling as he interlocks his fingers with yours. “Why didnt you tell me earlier?” “I was scared..” Your voice is breaking as you speak, Jungwon gets up and hugs you, you hide your face in the crook of his neck, you didnt expect him to act like this. But your friends were right at the end. Jungwon kisses your forehead before speaking, cupping your face.

“You’re safe with me.” You nod again, your eyes are watery, but you’re happy he doesnt hate you. You feel like you finally got a rock off of your back and you can finally breathe. You look at the table, the ramen is cold by now, but thats the last of your problems. “I cant believe she would threaten you with something like that i’m so sorry Y/n I-“ “Wonie you couldn’t know.” “Let me take you out to make up for it.” You giggle at that, and nod happily.

“yes, yes lets do that.”

prev | masterlist | next

author’s note we really are reaching the end 🥲 but dont worry i wont vanish, i already posted the masterlist for my next smau! it would be great if you can check it out hihi ily

TAGLIST @unhakki @firstclassjaylee @en-verse @mxxninthesky @onlyhyunjin @heeseungmyman @jiamini @yoonzns @wonswondrland @50-husbands @leaderwonim @aloloveswonie @f3rraribabez @jwonistic @ribbioniki @kyanmeai @ilovejungwonandhaechan @nat123c @yjwsgf @gyuvision @realrintaro @glxzillx @qettalos @rairaiblog @sakanelli-afc @onlyjungchan @haohaoshoe @vixensss @terryfiedgyu

[erwinsvow]

ive been rereading ur bitchy reader stuffs n pleek do more of the pope cameo.. HER SAYING DICK APPT WHEN RAFE COMPLAINED ABT HER HAVING POPES NUMBER MADE ME GIGGLE OUT LOUD pretty please give us more of them 🤲

i imagine her being pissed off at rafe so she keeps giving him the cold shoulder and when he asks something she’d just go “maybe i should’ve gone to heywards instead he wont treat me like this 🙄” BUT ITS SO FUNNY KNOWING SHE DOESNT LIKE POGUES !!!!

LMFAOOO THIS IS KILLING ME!! one thing about my readers, their secret pogue crush is always gonna be pope <3

one thing you had in common with rafe—despite the glaring differences that were so hard to ignore—was that you both didn't care much for pogues.

that was putting it lightly, rafe despised them and you just didn't like them. but some were more tolerable than others—for example, the maybank boy who seemed to you the equivalent of a toddler with sticky hands versus pope heyward, who used to tutor in math. you don't know why or how they're friends, just that you like pope enough to be friendly, or rather polite, and you definitely don't like maybank enough to even think about him.

rafe didn't like any of them, and you didn't really care. you weren't in the habit of defending pogues, and certainly not when you were constantly trying to remind sarah to stay away from them, even though she never listened.

but seeing how angry rafe seemed to get at the mere mention was enough to give you some ideas. when you had jokingly—although now you remember you hadn't really ever clarified—said that you had pope's number because of dick appointments, rafe had gotten so angry it had resulted in the best sex of your life.

you were curious to know what else you could get out of it. unfortunately, your curiosity didn't last for very long. rafe pissed you off just as much as you pissed him off, and though these thoughts were often in one ear and out the other for you.

like today. you had been waiting for twenty whole minutes at the club for rafe, who had insisted he would be on time even though you knew he would probably run late since he was coming from barry's—all the way across town.

all he had to do was admit it, and you would have come later, but instead he had told you to show up at noon and that he wasn't going to be late.

normally you would show up at half past and just tell him to fuck off, but if he really was on time you would never hear the end of it. so you showed up on time and waited... and waited.

rafe finally shows up about forty minutes later, and you stare at him with your signature look—eyes rolling back, an i-told-you-so expression with arms crossed. you could make it more withering if you wanted, but right now you just wanted to hear rafe admit he was wrong.

"shut the fuck up," he says, taking a seat the table. your half drunken diet coke has left a ring of condensation, and you move the cup towards you, wondering how you'd become the kind of girl that waits forty minutes for a guy to show up.

"first of all, i didn't even say anything. second of all, you shut the fuck up. i'm the one who was forty-fucking-minutes late."

"it took longer-"

"longer than you thought? yeah, i said that. yesteday."

"well m'here now, so just order."

you huff, scanning the menu and not sure exactly what retort to use. instead you settle for shutting up entirely, not speaking to rafe the entire time. the waitress comes and goes, the food comes and goes, and you look up when rafe speaks but don't say anything back.

rafe thinks you'll give it up once lunch is over, but you grew up in a household where an hour of silent treatment is child's play. so the car ride to tannyhill, throughout the movie you put on and when you walk away to make popcorn, you haven't said a word.

while the movie credits roll, you look down at your phone, waiting for your apology and deciding when to leave if you don't get it.

"are you seriously gonna ignore me the entire day?"

you stare at rafe, not answering. this is your withering look.

"fine, princess. your choice," rafe shrugs. "finally got you to shut up for once."

you take a moment for his words to really hit you. like any other girl in the world, that comment from your boyfriend hurts a little. it even stings. you don't like the words in the air and you can even tell it left a bitter taste in rafe's mouth. he looks like he's just realizing he overstepped a little. then, for the first time since you saw rafe that day, you speak.

"you know, it's a good thing i didn't delete heyward's number from my phone. times like this i realize how handy it can be."

"what the fuck is th-"

"i mean, really, rafe. even these pogues you hate so much would treat me better than you do. i should go call him up now-"

"okay, princess i get it-"

"bet he'd probably fuck me better than-"

"okay, enough. jesus, i get it. m'sorry, okay? can you knock it off now?"

"i'm not knocking anything off. and you can go fuck yourself if you can't apologize for a little thing like being late-"

"i'm sorry, okay? now can you stop talking about pope fuckin' heyward?" you huff, finally a little pleased he apologized.

"thank you. was that so hard?"

"oh shut up-"

"you shut up. and don't be late again. or i'll show you fuckin' heyward-"

"enough!"

[crispyjenkins]

mandalore the young cont.

original post/discussion here! it was just getting really long and i for one hate scrolling so far, so. here's this. have also added this au to my masterlist in my pinned post!

@malcontent-crow

#i had a whole wall of tags and it didnt save! lets try this again#i am loving this. the potential for world building and the consequences of knowing more than you should (literally)

#i had forgotten that DW wasnt in peoples thoughts as a threat during the Clan Wars#and the idea that Pre was so far underground with the movement is a very good thing to remember as well! #on one hand you have this driven and spirited young verd that is inspiring Clans to start reassessing who they are fighting and why#on the other you have this clanless outsider that knows waaaaay too much about all the potential major players and is saying#that this major threat isnt really as gone as everybody thought and hoped. sith parallels out the wahoo for ppor obi#and hes standing there watching them all argue over his head about this threat that he KNOWS needs to be dealt with#he is seeing himself as pretty on par or above with the Old Guard in terms of mental age or prowess or large scale battles#so he sees them doubt him maybe even to his face and knows he'll need to get things started on his own

#and becauae everything in the galaxay has at least one person watching it from the outside... how quickly does the news of a jedi padawan#going off the rails on this mission get out? whos keeping track and who points fingers at the jedi for attempting to control the outcome#of the war of their historical enemies in their favor? the senate (read sith) want mandalore defanged before their war but what does it look#like the jedi want? how does the council answer for his actions? do they condemn or condone him? do they try to stay out of it?

#the world building potential of the Manda and the Ka'ra is delicious.#what does it mean to be a mando or darmanda? can you walk around and have people look at you and know you have failed in your oaths?

#and ouch! Obi-Wan considering the fact that he has never been allowed to be his own person.#from padawan to knight/master and then a general and councilor and sheesh. hes really never had the chance to see who he is as a person#outside of his responsibilities to everybody around him and right now hes a war worn adult in a war worn teens body#hes always had somebody else there. as a battle companion a teacher a student as somebody to protect and guard and guide#and now he has this entire culture looking at him and waiting for his next move. and im guess it still feels like less than a burden than#the care and raising of an entire child on his own. sure he had the temple resources and other jedi to lean on but anakin always looked to#him first to solve any problem or teach him something new or cuddle him after nightmares as hes trying to hide his own dreams#and grief and flounding to find his footing as an independent adult

#so right now hes looking around at the entire mando population and realizing thats he might need to reshape himself again for somebody else#to make himself what others need and knowing he can and will do it if it means saving somebody else

#and when exactly did he come back from the war? did he have satine die in his arms and see the ruin that is madalore after a pacifist reign?#does he see the potential for that ruin to happen right now if he doesnt succeed? where does he see himself in regards to the jedi?#has he considered the consequences of stepping up to be the Mand'alor to this culture he has never seen as his own?#has he let himself think about the choices he needs to make and how some things you cant always come out the other side the same as before?

(following the trend of each of these getting longer, this has hit just under 5,000 words, so just a heads up lol? so much world building is happening in this one)

sorry you had to rewrite so much! that last exchange was cursed, it seems lmao

it's so easy to write Obi-Wan as prescient, or the route I'm going with in Dha Kar'ta, so i think it's a fun change-up to have him knowledgeable for completely different reasons! I'm actually going to avoid visions almost at all for this Obi, but everyone else certainly won't know the difference, and he doesn't tell them otherwise (though he won't encourage it either. I do actually have a Naruto time travel where Nart pretends to be psychic à la Shawn Spencer, so that isn't the route I wanna go for this Obi). the consequences of knowing too much, indeed

hmmm many of these questions depend on how deep into Jedi and galactic politics I wanna go, and I'm not sure it's very deep at all. or at least, not very dragged out. i'll explain in a mo

SO first: yes, this Obi is from after Satine dies, in 19 BBY, maybe a month or so after, but before the bombing of the Temple so before Ahsoka left the Order. He was back on the front, no time to properly mourn, though he was doing his best, and was meditating on the whole war, but especially the Sith and their hand in everything that happened on Mandalore. It went deeper than Maul, he knew, had been going on longer than Maul and even Dooku, and it occurred to Obi-Wan that the Sith either wanted a Mandalore that will side with them but not be too much a threat, or they wanted them not a threat at all. He realised his hand in that, in helping put the New Mandalorians on the throne that led to the demilitarisation of the entire sector. Obi-Wan had practically teed Mandalore up for Dooku and then Maul's interference, and if the Republic won the war, he could all too easily see them doing another excision. won't get too much into it to save it for the fic, but he is mediating with something beskar, and he gets a lil too deep into the Force, and of course this is post-Mortis so...... 👀

so this Obi-Wan, back in time, is helping Mandalore to prevent any more Sith machinations in the future, to change the future for the whole galaxy, but even before he's Chosen, he realises he's also doing all of this for Mandalore. for his own hand in its destruction, for the Jedi's hand in the Excision, for his personal connection to Satine drawing Maul to it. it's for atonement, for reparation, and also because Mandalore deserves to be saved, and Obi-Wan is in a place he can help do that. it isn't just about the health of the galaxy, anymore.

I usually shy away from having Obi-Wan leave the Order, no matter what AU I'm throwing him in because I believe in the fundamental goodness of the Order and the people in it, and Obi-Wan is fundamentally a Jedi, one of the best, one of the best. however, in this case, I don't think he can have his cake and eat it too. if Dooku had to leave the Order to accept his countship, then Obi-Wan would have to leave to become Mand'alor. Jedi are (supposed to be) politically neutral, and Obi-Wan is all too aware he'd nullified his own neutrality the moment he decided to go for Keldabe to find Jango.

one of my favorite... tropes? in time travel fic is Obi using his future fellow councilmembers' access codes to get into things he shouldn't, and he certainly knows how to work the Order's internal systems in his favor, so he

wait so i was gonna have him go in and tender his resignation from the Order directly into the systems, and backdate it for before the Mandalore mission, so that anything he's done on Mandalore so far cannot be blamed on the Jedi BUT WHAT IF he just. deletes himself. like completely. from admin to the Archives to the crèche's own internal systems to the Shadow's private servers, Obi-Wan Kenobi was never a Jedi, was never a Temple bastard, was never Qui-Gon Jinn's padawan. his mission records are all in Qui-Gon's name now, his medical file simply doesn't exist, his crècheling clan is listed as simply having been a person short compared to other clans that year. he goes so far as to delete comm histories with him or mentioning him, it's like Obi-Wan Kenobi just doesn't exist anymore.

he does this first thing after leaving Jango, he spends the entire week back to Mandalore ensuring he's been completely erased from absolutely anything relating to the Jedi, and then uses his future councilmember knowledge (and lessons from Quinlan) to erase himself from Republic systems, too. any planet he'd helped as a padawan will suddenly have no records of him as having been there with his master, so the senate or Order can't subpoena them for the info, though Obi-Wan knows he can't have gotten everything (such as any planet not in the Republic, or who don't have holonet access to their files, or both, like Melida/Daan), but he figures he's done enough to absolve the Order if anyone comes knocking about what he's doing.

he buries his lightsaber in the deserts of Mandalore, not knowing that in his old future, he'd have done the same on Tatooine.

so as far as the Jedi are aware: Obi-Wan went on a mission with Qui-Gon that (predictably) went to hell, got separated from his master for weeks to months, then suddenly changed, at the same time their Jedi with the highest prescience collapsed due to his visions, which have also changed. Obi-Wan left Qui-Gon behind to hightail it through the Mandalore sector, and Qui-Gon couldn't catch up or find him, and then Obi-Wan disappeared from anyone's radars for two weeks. then Qui-Gon senses him reenter the Mandalore system, right before breaking his training bond with him, and the Order wakes up to Obi-Wan completely erased from their systems like he never existed in the first place. everything is going so so wrong, and yet. and yet.

and yet the Force is telling them all that this is right, that this is the least Dark course of action, that whatever Obi-Wan is doing is indeed the Will of the Force

so the Order mourns one of their own, and tells Qui-Gon to let him go. and then the Order ups their cyber security because what.

i think he leaves an unsigned letter/comm message for a few people. Bant, Quinlan, Mace, Feemor, his old crèchemaster, Yoda, maybe Jocasta Nu. it's short, basically thanking them for their hand in his upbringing (Feemor hasn't even met him before so is very confused by this), apologising for leaving abruptly, but to follow the Will of the Force, he had to leave; the first part of the message is all the same, but ends with little individual notes. he apologises to Madam Nu for fucking with her archives and hopes she can one day forgive him; he asks her to keep her friends close and to mend the tension between her and Dooku, that Obi-Wan should not know about. He tells Yoda that the future is always in motion but they must move with it; he asks Yoda to meditate on his dwindling lineages and learn to accept all that he cannot control. He reminds Quinlan to wear his gloves and asks him to thank Tholme for looking out for him when Qui-Gon wouldn't or didn't; he thanks him for their years together, and asks him to check in on Feemor every now and then. He apologises to Mace for all the shatter-points he likely caused and will continue to cause, and suggests he put a permanent reminder in his comm to remember to refill his migraine prescription that sixteen year-old Obi should not know about. He asks Bant to look out for a young Togruta initiate that will join in seven years, and suggests Bant might like the healer track rather than the knight corps; he thanks her for being his longest and most dearly-held friend. He thanks his crèchemaster for realising his visions were more than dreams (which will inadvertently lend credence to that theory for why Obi-Wan changed so suddenly), for supporting him when Bruck was at his nastiest, and for always being someone he could turn to even after he became a padawan. For Feemor, Obi-Wan apologises that they hadn't had the chance to meet before then, and for the relationship they won't have anymore; Feemor has no idea who this message is from, until he starts hearing the gossip that Obi-Wan Kenobi has left the Order again. He too mourns never getting to know his padawan brother.

and Obi-Wan sends Qui-Gon a message, of course, thanking him for his teachings, apologising for "leading him on" as an apprentice, leaving and coming back so many times only to permanently leave this time. he reminds Qui to reach out to his friends and his support system, asks him to at least consider talking to a mind or soul healer about Xanatos (knowing that once it gets out that Obi-Wan is a planetary leader, it will likely badly trigger Qui-Gon), and asks him to at least try and mend his relationship with Dooku, though understands if that's not something Qui-Gon is willing to do. asks him to keep Satine safe, but to deeply think about why the Republic is so intent on helping her faction, and why Qui-Gon had questioned so little of the New Mandalorian ethos.

so by the time Obi-Wan finds the Old Guard, he's broken from the Order completely, has buried his saber, has broken his training bond, has cut his braid. I think he shaves his head entirely to let it grow out at the same rate, because the padawan cut is *Eliot Spencer voice* Very Distinctive. he paints his armour white for, yes, his men, his vod'e, but also for cin vhetin. he can't be the man he was before, nor the teen he was before, neither are who Mandalore needs, and as long as he can stay true to his morals and upbringing, he will be what Mandalore needs him to be.

okay now onto the Manda vs. the Ka'ra vs. the Force. the Force is a scientific concept of an energy connecting absolutely everything in the universe, and the Jedi have a religious view on the scientific concept. for both purposes, the Force just is. I really like the idea of other non-Jedi ideas just being different aspects of the Force, different religions and cultures based on the same scientific concepts. for Mandalorians, their "aspect" of the Force is the Manda, the collective souls of every Mando'ade that's ever marched on. just what it means to be Mando'ade has varied greatly through history, and is varied between different groups even now, but none of that changes what the Manda is, which is an aspect of the Force only Mando'ade can touch. sort of like their beliefs of it being separate from the Force have made it so?

now I haven't really talked about this before, but from the beginning of me writing Mandalorian related things, i've separated Ka'ra from ka'ra, which was a little bit me misremembering there was another term for "stars", and then it became it's own thing. kar, meaning "star", with it's plural kar'e or kare, to me, means physical stars, the way we'd call our sun a star. ka'ra, uncapitalised, is the more poetic and/or spiritual "stars", the way we might say something is "written in the stars", which actually aligns with how jate'kara is spelled; for my writing, i've used this form for Mandalorian Force-sensitives being Star-touched ka'ra-touched. Ka'ra, capitalised, is that "ruling council of fallen kings", the Mandalorian myth and it, the way I've always interpreted it, is a separate part of the Manda made up of specifically the souls of every Mand'alor already marched on. So, Tor Vizsla could have joined the Manda after death, but not the Ka'ra; make sense? all that ka'ra vs Ka'ra worldbuilding was done very early in my writing for star wars, and has since expanded to include the idea of the Manda as something separate, and I would now actually consider Manda-touched over Star-touched to describe Force sensitive Mando'ade, because that's really what I think Mandalorians would consider causes their supernatural powers: ancestors rather than the stars.

so what does that mean for this fic? the Manda is directly influenced by all those that consider themselves Mandalorian, Force-sensitive or not. it is, however, not affected by New Mandalorians, unless they worship the Manda in some facsimile, and I think many, many, many do not, not the way they were raised to. this worship looks different for every clan and every individual, and I've always interpreted it as more of a broad spiritual practice across the whole culture rather than a religion, per se, the way a real-world broader culture might pray at shrines at New Years even if individuals themselves or their family aren't religious. this is what I'm referencing when I say the Will of the People: the alive Mando'ade and their choices and emotions affecting and influencing the Manda, the collective amalgamation of every passed-on Mando'ade, and it's when these two are in tandem that they "pick" a Mand'alor. HOWEVER, such a pick is also up to the Ka'ra, the Mand'alor'e that have all marched on; to one day enter the Ka'ra themselves, a Mand'alor must be "picked" by both the People/the Manda, and the Ka'ra. Tor would be "picked" by a significant part of the People and the Manda, and so would Jaster have been, but (according to me, myself, and i, obviously), only Jaster had been chosen by the Ka'ra. Pre is "Mand'alor" only in name, only in a tenuous loyalty existing in House Vizsla and Death Watch, not even by the Manda; just simple human (et al) loyalty. Jango had a weaker "pick" from the Manda than Jaster did, but was picked by the Ka'ra, meaning if he did not declare himself dar'manda (even just internally; I don't think he's ever said it out loud), he would have joined the Ka'ra after death; if he ever reconnects with himself as a Mandalorian, I like to think he'd have that chance again. Canon Jango, though, who went on to make the clones? Absolutely not.

what does this all mean for Obi-Wan? he'd spent weeks inadvertently drumming up support in the people and therefore the Manda, and maybe most haven't really looked at him and thought "sure I'd follow him as Mand'alor", but they have looked at him and thought "that one has mandokar, that one wants what's best for Mandalore, that one is touched by destiny". I dunno, man, like. Obi-Wan is their hope before he is their leader. That will make all the difference when he does end up uniting them. His searching out Jango had made Jango finally confront that he feels dar'manda, until then he hadn't really lost the Ka'ra's support, but that severs that connection. and now the Ka'ra are without a Mand'alor, but look at that, there's a mandokar'la little idiot right there, already strong in the Manda, already rallying hope and purpose, already so invested in the nurturing and the future of Mandalore, how could the Ka'ra not choose him?

I posed the question previously whether or not Mando'ade can tell who has been chosen to be Mand'alor, and I think I've ironed out what that'll mean for this fic. non-Force sensitive Mando'ade will have this sense when near their Mand'alor, a subconscious and inherent trust in them, and indeed, some will be disturbed by this and fight it. that's alright, that's their right. Some never clock this extra sense, some are aware of it always, some just chalk it up to "gut feelings" and the like. The more spiritual or religious Mandos maybe put a little more stock in this feelings, I think especially goran'e and other spiritual leaders, but the fact that the Manda can technically pick more than one person at a time (like Tor and Jaster, and then Jango), this extra sense isn't a perfect indicator of a properly chosen Manda'lor.

now. what about Force sensitive Mando'ade? Well, the Manda is an aspect of the Force, and is in fact how said Force sensitive Mando'ade connect to the Force, by going through the Manda, first. their relationship with sensitivity is inherently different from others in the galaxy, at least those that connect to it directly. they are the ones that can sense or see if someone is chosen by the Ka'ra, depending on their sensitivity. Some see the ghostly line of previous Mand'alor'e stretched out behind them (like the Avatar cycle lmao), some see a wavering crown of stars around their head, some just sense there is a duplicity (/neutral) to their Force presence that doesn't exist in anyone else. how common is Force sensitivity in Mandalorian space? not fuckin very. Jaster had three in his entire faction of aprox. 2 million (fanon number), at least that were aware they were sensitive. Jango only had a few more, and only because he had gained a couple hundred thousand more followers before Galidraan. so i'll make the nearly-arbitrary number that Force sensitive Mandos are 1 in 1,000,000, across the entire sector. by some calculations, in the whole galaxy at around the time of the Clone Wars the number of Force sensitives is 1 in 5,000,000 but these calculations do not generally include societies and species with a near or 100% chance of Force sensitivity, because we simply don't have the data for it. does this all make Mandos slightly more likely to be Force sensitive than others, by my own numbers? sorta. which i'm making an issue of underreporting, based on Mandalore not being a part of the Republic, and also contention with the Jedi and Sith; they don't consider those Manda-touched to be Force sensitive, and with the way I've built this, they aren't exactly wrong.

for the purposes of this story, there are maybe eight Manda-touched Mando'ade in the Mandalore system at this time, and all but one are goran'e. that single non-armorer is part of the Old Guard. I have the roster for the Old Guard decided, so I'm debating whether the Manda-touched one is Cort Davin (a journeyman protector), or one of the women. Instinct wants Vhonte Tervho, but I have plans for her to be related to the goran Obi-Wan got his armour done by, who I wanted to be one of the seven Force sensitive armorers, soooo. lmao how fucked would it be if Isabet Reau is the Force sensitive one? I like the angst of that, since I definitely do not plan on redeeming her, but I kind of want the only Old Guard that can sense Obi-Wan is Chosen by the Ka'ra to be really quiet and accepting of it, while everyone else is arguing. hmmm I have an unnamed Wren as part of the Guard, that I haven't fleshed anything out for yet; perhaps them?

okay I think I've solidified what it makes a Mandalorian, at least for the function of this fic. it is tied to the Resol'nare, and following it, which does allow those who had Chosen Tor Vizsla as their Mand'alor to technically still be following the Resol'nare, and are therefore not dar'manda. at least not for that. but part of the reason the Resol'nare is even able to determine who has a Mandalorian soul, is because they believe it does. Those alive and those dead influence the functionality and reality of the Manda, which also allows for those pre-Resol'nare to still exist in the Manda. What causes someone to become dar'manda, if they are technically following the Resol'nare?

maybe it's reductive, or over-simplified, or maybe even too broad, but it makes sense to me and allows for many many different types of people to still fail, and this is obviously not the only way to become dar'manda, but one thing that will always strip someone of their Mando soul? treatment of children. caring for children. not harming children. this allows many of Death Watch to still maintain their Mando souls, but still be fucked up awful people in other ways. It allows even True Mandalorians to have lost their souls and not realised it because they otherwise adhered to the Resol'nare, because they'd chosen to interpret "defending oneself and family" and "raising your children as Mandalorians" to not include other peoeple's children. Or maybe they were abusive in the belief they were caring for their children. This would also make every single one of the Cuy'val Dar dar'manda, which I think is a fascinating concept.

to answer your question directly, no, one cannot look at someone and know they're dar'manda, even the Force/Manda sensitive ones. one will only know in death, whether or not they have a place in the Manda.

NOW what does this mean for New Mandalorians?? well, by technicality and the way I've set the Manda up, one can interpret the Resol'nare in ways that could align with New Mandos. Perhaps they interpret "armour" as more than specifically "beskar'gam", maybe they wear armourweave or other protective fabrics. Maybe they interpret "defending one's family" as putting down arms instead of raising them, in order to create a peaceful future for their children. I think there are plenty of New Mandos that technically tick off all the boxes, and believe in themselves and their fellows so much that the Manda is like "yeah sure why not, we'll make that count". I think some tenants are more easily... bent, like swearing to the duchy in place of the Mand'alor, but I think an easy one New Mandos miss, is "speak Mando'a." I think many New Mandos were all too quick to switch to Basic for everything except religious and spiritual ceremonies, and I think those already in the Manda would find that very hard to forgive. I actually get into this a little in Dha Kar'ta very soon, but for this fic, i'll have Satine not outright outlawing Mando'a, but it is socially heavily discouraged. you're not allowed to speak it in the palace unless in aforementioned ceremonies, you cannot fill out paperwork in anything but Basic, you're not allowed to use Mando'a titles (including Mand'alor), you're not allowed to teach it to your children. no outright like. punishments for speaking it in public, but if your kids are caught, there are repercussions, including investigation into how else you're raising your kids, and if you're found to be doing anything else, they can take your kids from you. not every New Mando agrees with this, of course, and go about adhering to the Resol'nare as best they can in secret, but so many do give up the language by convincing themselves it's not as important as the other tenants and, well, the duchy hasn't steered them all wrong yet, has it?

okay so on the subject of what the outside galaxy is seeing. I like the headcanon/trope/idea of like. the one thing all factions of Mandalorians agreeing on is fuck everyone else. oh, the New Mandos will emulate the Core and the Republic, but they aren't the Republic nor want to be, and this animosity extends to keeping as many internal Mandlorian issues just that: internal. no faction can keep news from leaving the system or the sector, obviously, but there also isn't a lot of interest in Mandalorian news? "oh look all the Mandos are fighting again", except that's been the standard for like. actual thousands of years. I like when fic have people outside the sector not evening knowing there are different factions, so I'll be doing that here, too, and I like the idea of non-Republic sectors having their own holonets, separate from the Republic one. so like, if Obi-Wan happens to go a little viral during his mad dash to Keldabe, that would be on the Mandalorian holonet, not the Republic one, so even if Obi-Wan was visibly still a Jedi (and he wasn't), actual news of him wouldn't reach the Mid and Inner Rims until like. possible years after it happens.

could this maybe be expedited by Sith machinations? absolutely, though I'm not sure I want to go that route, since I don't think the Sith are overmuch interested in Mandalore at this point, at least not in any hands-on capacity. I'm unclear on whether them funding Death Watch is fanon or not, but it is a headcanon I subscribe to, and I think they'd have stopped funding DW after Galidraan, to cause worse infighting and prevent DW from gaining enough power to actually restart their imperial conquering days. Palpatine has been senator for about ten years by this point, but has very little political power overall, and Demask would be looking basically anywhere but Mandalore at this point in time, both of them having written it off until they actively need something from the sector. if anyone had clocked Obi-Wan as a Jedi, this all would have gone very differently, news would have spread much further and quicker and I think undoubtedly would have reached Palpatine, but since I have Obi-Wan just... cutting ties to anything Jedi, news of him remains in-sector. is this perhaps unrealistic? maybe, but I kind of want to focus on Mandalore and not worry about galactic-wide politics for once, lmao, actually very much like Obi-Wan is doing. however, he will clock a lack of Sith interference and thinks That's Very Weird.

haven't decided how he finds Palpatine out yet, but I think it'll have to do with his Manda senses being different than his Force ones, maybe the Ka'ra even gives him a few tips or gifts to sense Sith since they've allied and fought with them so much in the past. regardless, that'll be after he's become Mand'alor and united the clans.

now to actual plot progression! Obi-Wan meets up with the Old Guard, they don't know what to make of him other than "he's kriffing weird. and young. and creepy. and probably Manda-touched." whatever other verd is Manda-touched will see him blessed by the Ka'ra, which causes them to look inwards more closely and realise they trust Obi-Wan inexplicably, which means they're blessed by the Manda and the Will of the People, too. they wonder if Obi-Wan has noticed, if any of the other Old Guard have noticed. they are one of a few that notice Obi-Wan sneaking back out while everyone is arguing.

Vhonte Tervho is another. She's at this lil summit to represent clan Tervho, tho isn't the clan head, because her ba'vodu, a Manda-touched goran, had sensed she needed to be at the summit. said ba'vodu is of course the armorer who reforged Obi-Wan's armour (need to find a name for them hmm), who had told their clan they were to cease fighting until their new Mand'alor called on them. Vhonte sees Obi-Wan, realises at the same time as everyone that he's the Kih'Manda, the Mand'ika that the entire system had been gossiping about for weeks, and she thinks of what her ba'vodu said. she looks inwards, like they had taught her to, and finds, yes, she trusts Obi-Wan, just like she used to trust Jango. And, well, her Mand'alor is obviously leaving to go do something, and she isn't going to let him go it alone.

the Manda-touched verd doesn't go with them, wanting to see what comes of this, but they already know Obi-wan is Ka'ra Chosen. they will come when he calls.

[thedomesticanthropologist]

I present to you: at no point in the game is Astarion actually ready for a romantic relationship

Tav is the first person he drank from

The first person he has consensual sex with after 200 years

And he says to them: no one is like you. You're YOU

He genuinely believes that Tav is the *only* person who would be this way, even if it isn't true. He does fall in love with you, he does want you, but I present to you the idea that if things hadn't gone down EXACTLY as they had, Astarion NEVER would have initiated a partnership/romantic relationship for YEARS after escaping Cazador for good.

The man is coded for survival, for self-preservation, and is inherently selfish by nature. It is only because Tav gives selflessly and determinedly reinforces wanting to be with him that he caves in and allows it, but if you try to leave he's thrilled. This is for the best he says, you don't deserve this facade from me he says.

"I don't know how to be with someone even if I want to. I want this to be real but I don't know what real is. I need to not have sex right now"

In act 2, if you break up with him, he agrees with you. He thinks it's the right thing for you because hes not ready. He won't say this unless you initiate a break up but how could he possibly let go of the best thing that's happened to him in his entire undead life? He wouldn't toss out the treasure of you even if he didn't feel ready.

It really does take a patient, calm, supportive Tav to get him in the end, and he DOES want you, I'm not arguing that

I'm arguing that that man is not ready for a committed relationship, doesn't know what a healthy relationship looks like, and in an ideal situation if he thought he had time and options in his life and if he felt safe he would have focused 100% on himself first for a VERY long time.

The tadpoles, the adventure, the pressures of the battles, the fighting the revenge the ascension and the ritual he has to fight or succumb to the fact that the sunlight is gonna nerf him again- all of this contributes to the perfect scene where Tav gets him right "out the gate", first by being a mark and a target and then by simply *not breaking it off with him*

And yes he's in love to the best of his ability to know what love is at this point

And yes he wants you very much

But the man is going through the biggest whiplash of his life and I can say with confidence that he's not... *Ready*. And after all is said and done, Tav will have to continue to be patient with many things with him. There are still a lot of hurdles. He may be with them for a long time before he wakes up one day and realizes, really really realizes, that he's ready.

The power dynamics are off, they're imbalanced. How could he say no to a perfect mark that gives him everything ? Blood, sex, waits when sex is off the table, never breaks up with him never leaves no matter how he rails against them? He can't. He won't, and he doesn't want to, but that doesnt make him emotionally ready for what a genuine relationship is.

He has to learn it, with you, over time, but I don't think he'd jump into learning that and going for it and seeing it as worth it if the situation were in any way different

Without the perfect storm of events, I don't see Astarion jumping into "commited relationship" to be clear, I'm not saying that he isn't capable of feelings or doesn't want tav it's just

It doesn't *seem* to match his character or his struggles to me. For a man that is completely self serving, he accidentally catches feels and then doesn't have the strength to cut you loose even though his act 2 confession is practically him asking you to leave him. If you take the Araj route in particular, he VERY plainly lays his shitty behaviour on the table as if daring you to punish him for it... Or maybe just expecting.

In his spontaneous scene it's softer, it's I love you but I don't know how to do this. And still if you say "I don't think you're ready to be in a relationship" he immediately agrees. In act 3, if you've stuck to him the whole time like glue, he never wants to let you go. Again, I think this level of connection is impossibly rare and everything had to happen as it did to get you there, but the power balance is off still. He says partner, equal, and he wants that. And he WILL get there

But he not only has to struggle with his past, his issues, his trauma, he has to struggle with the power imabalance that you're his Savior. YOU defeated Cazador. YOU protected him in camp and didn't stake him on sight. YOU fed him from thinking creatures for the first time. YOU are one of "a very few select people" who have had sex with him and not been slaughtered immediately afterwards.

You're everything to him

And by the end of the game you already see him trying to shift that power imabalance because HE SEES IT. If you say you'll protect him he WINCES and disagrees, he doesn't want that. He doesn't want to be below you, but he sees himself that way anyway. And to me, that's the sign that he wasn't ready, he still isn't ready,

But he will be, one day. And I think that makes it a better written romance than thousands I've read, because it's not perfect. There's grey areas. There's things that can make you uncomfortable. There's parts of it that aren't healthy and won't be for a while. Who knows how long until he feels like he's your equal? Until he feels like this relationship is something he ever would have chosen if things were different?

But he does choose you. He does. He wants you. He'd just never have gotten the chance to if it hadn't been "right place right time" imho