#and by help i mean make it so much worse for no reason

[amoebab22]

I completely agree with this. I feel like this is one of the worst parts about Veilguard. My Inky is in the South, and while I firmly believe Orlais is the devil, it's very weird that Tevinter is just super chill about my elf Rook when my elf Inky had constant micro-aggressions as well as just out and out slurs hurled at her. Also I'm going on a rant about Mythal.

SPOILERS BELOW

Bellara also seems to just...kind of ignore that I'm an elf? Davrin makes more sense. He left his clan and joined the Wardens because he just didn't really vibe with the Dalish. He'd think of himself as a Warden first, I think. Wardens don't seem to give much of a shit about your race or religion or sexuality or whatever. In The Calling, they canonically don't give a fuck about the gay couple in their little group, or that Fiona is a mage and an elf. Absolutely irrelevant. So Davrin could start to fall into that mindset because frankly, it's a nice way to live. It's just not real outside the Wardens.

So when Bellara is like oh my god our gods are evil and Davrin is like eh, fuck 'em, that's actually about the most realistic reaction we've got re: elves. Davrin is just out here like yo I'm a little busy saving the world fuck them gods. Love Davrin.

Also, in Inquisition, there's concern that knowing Corypheus's artifact is Elvhen will cause violence against elves. So knowing it's the Elvhen gods causing all of this? The consequences of that, even if an elf Rook saves the world, should be looming for a Shadow Dragon in particular. Clearly Inquisitor Ameridan's race did nothing for the elves of Orlais. It was covered up over time. His sacrifice meant nothing to the humans. This should make Solas's plans to restore the elves much, much more tempting.

The way the Crows were presented REALLY bothered me as well as someone who romanced Zev. The Crows *tortured* him, sexually assaulted him, made him feel worthless, because it was seen as necessary. Sure, Lucanis being blood family might give him a very different perspective and experience, but Jacobus is just allowed to be a Crow and start his own house when he wouldn't kill? I mean, I totally agree that prolonged, public shaming and imprisonment is worse for this individual, but like.... That's not how the Crows work. They kill stuff for money. Sure, they run Antiva and would be pretty pissed off about the Antaam taking their territory I'm sure, and they might work with Rook since Rook helped Lucanis and he's a big deal to the First Talon. But like... It should be a hard choice to work with them for Shadow Dragon Rook, because SLAVERY.

I feel like the pullback on slavery is to make Solas's actions seem more ambiguous, and to make it seem like there was some equal power between him and Mythal. But I have a very hard time believing he was never Mythal's slave. Also, a spirit of BENEVOLENCE? Get ABSOLUTELY fucked. She was fine with SLAVERY. Thought she could just slowly phase it out, maybe. Yeah, no .

Because here's the thing: slavery is evil. Whatever you have to do to stop slavery, short of participating or killing slaves, is pretty easy to justify. Maybe I'm just John Brown-pilled from living in Kansas a good chunk of my life, but killing slavers and slave owners and freeing slaves is MORALLY CORRECT. FULL STOP. A "kind" master is still a master. Sure, you can give them a chance to free their slaves and make reparations first, but waiting to vote slavery out didn't work. The US had to go to war. Haiti had to rebel (and give basically all its GDP to France for like two hundred years. Fuck Orlais AND France).

The only reason my Inky was able to befriend Dorian, at first, was their shared trauma in going to the future. That changes people (that whole quest fucked me up the first time I did it) and I think my elf Inky was looking for reasons to trust Dorian and ignore the system he participated in. She didn't have to see it so it seemed less real. He's an altus so he doesn't own the estate. He seems open to other opinions! And some part of him knows it's wrong, or he wouldn't be so awkward upon talking to Inky the first time.

But Solas's inherent and never fully overcome distrust of Dorian isn't wrong. Solas needs to see action; words aren't enough. I don't blame him.

This is the same softening we saw of the Templars in DA2 and Inquisition, but if you read The Stolen Throne and The Calling and play DAO, it's very clear that mages are oppressed by the Chantry and live in horrible conditions. The ones in Lake Calenhad are described as pale and kinda sickly looking (or something like that) because they don't get any fucking sunlight. Fiona is happy to go to the circle at first because she was a SLAVE in Orlais (Honestly Loghain's hatred of Orlais is justified even though his actions aren't). If you decide to allow the right of annulment or whatever in DAO, Zevran calls it genocide. Zevran isn't one to mince words. He doesn't pretend he isn't a killer or that he wasn't tortured.

My Inky and my Rook are both 'no gods no masters' types, which is why I think clan Lavellan sent their First on a risky mission supposedly by herself (got real sick of her shit lol). As a result, she heavily sympathizes with Solas's cause, and would have happily joined him in bringing down the Veil if he'd just agreed to spend time making sure as few people died as possible, particularly after she meets the Avvar and sees how spirits really are. She knows Solas better than anyone, and even without a full explanation, she'd know that his reasons for doing this were morally right. He freed her people. He never meant to hurt them. He can't live with his guilt. Inky (who in my game was more like 30 because I don't think she could have made decisions or led on her own at 20, nor would she have been a studied enough mage) wants freedom for everyone. She's chaotic good.

Rook is a Shadow Dragon who killed slavers a little too hard for an organization dedicated to killing slavers (based Rook). They're also chaotic good, and a bit of an idiot, bless them, who kinda sees everything as a nail because they have a hammer. They see slavery, they fight it. Fuck the consequences. Solas did the same.

So why is Rook not bringing up slavery a lot? Why is Rook only finding out that Solas freed slaves on the regular at the beginning of the game? Did Varric just decide that wasn't worth bringing up to a person whose entire life revolves around ending slavery? Why is Rook not having an existential crisis after talking to Solas and finding out the truth of his past in his memories?

Look, all I'm saying is that I don't understand why more people aren't angry with Mythal and why no one is talking about slavery and racism. The whole point of fantasy and sci-fi, and the point of Dragon Age, is to critique modern society through thinly veiled references. That's why people get so passionate about Star Trek. And yeah, yes, it's necessarily going to make a piece of media more niche, or people are going to bitch about it (especially gamer bros my dude calm down, sorry something is very briefly not about you), but it makes a game *good* and lasting

BG3 did a good job of exploring the themes of trauma and power imbalance, and while some characters I think needed more fleshing out (Wyll my beloved, I owe you a lengthy fanfic for the injustice done to you), it was particularly powerful in Astarion. The people are ready for real exploration of real issues. We always have been. Backing off was a mistake.

ANYWAY I have feelings and none of my friends share my special interest. Here you go.

Why Fenris could Never Cameo in Dragon Age: The Veilguard

In the run up to Dragon age: The Veilguard, I was almost certain that Fenris would be our main legacy character from previous games. Not only has he been central in the comics released between DAI and DATV, he is an escaped Tevinter slave who's plot revolved around magisters, magic and the structural prejudices surrounding elves in Thedas. Not only that, but he's canonically in Tevinter killing slavers currently so he's geographically in the right place for us to meet him.

About halfway through the game though, it was clear to me: Fenris could never cameo in The Veilguard. Because he'd break it.

How the Veilguard treats Thedas is...odd to me, to say the least. I will be writing another post about how much I adored the expanded big lore in this game (the titans, ancient elves were spirits, where the blight came from etc.) and yet while these large lore expansions worked for me, the actual culture of modern Thedas is entirely softened, its sharp edges filed down until it's a sanitised fantasy world devoid of what made the franchise so vibrant and compelling in the first place.

So let's start with Fenris and slavery. In all three games, the reality of slavery is pushing at the corners of the world. In DAO Loghain allows Tevinter Magisters to enslave elves in order to raise money for his war effort. In DA2 Fenris is fighting to be free from slavers who will not leave him be, let alone the reminders that the city was built by slaves which are everywhere. In DAI one of the two possible mini-bosses is Calpurnia who was a slave, and characters such as Gatt and Dorian both show us how much slavery is tied into Tevinters culture and success.

But DATV the first game actually set in Tevinter where we get to see the famed Minrathous...it's like the game purposefully wants to avoid the issue. I can feel it tilting the camera away to not allow me to see. Slavery is mentioned, but never talked about in depth or as a specifically ELVEN problem in Tevinter. This might have been done to be less problematic, it feels ignored.

We are in DOCK TOWN. We are at the DOCKS. You would think that slaves from all over Thedas who are being smuggled and bought by various groups would be everywhere. You would think that the injustice in dock town would be partly built on the back of ships we've seen in the comics crammed with elves in chains. This is the world Dragon age set up for us. And yet...nothing. zilch. A tiny easily skippable side quest where we free a couple of venatori slaves, but only one of whom is an elf.

None of our Tevinter characters seem to have been influenced by their culture even a little bit when it comes to how they view elves; there is no moment when Neve fucks up and says something prejudiced, no moment when Bellara or Davrin are distrustful of her for being a Tevinter mage.

The same goes for Zevran; a character who epitomised the issues with the crows. The crows have consistently been characterised as very morally dubious assassins who kill for the highest bidder and who buy children on the slave market and torture them as they grow in order to assure that they reach maturity able to withstand torture without giving away a client's name. Zevran is very explicit about the fact that if you fail a contract your life is forefit.

Nobody responds particularly to you if you're an elf. Nobody trusts rook less for it in Tevinter. Nobody treats Rook any differently. Even DAI had better mechanics for this; with nobles in Orlais less likely to trust you as an elf.

Considering one of the main plot points of this game and what makes Solas sympathetic is the fact that he was fighting against the slavery of ancient elves...you'd think the game might want to mirror that in modern Thedas. It might want to show us how characters fighting to end slavery in Tevinter are similar to Solas and how the society Solas fought against was similar to the one that characters we love such as Fenris have fought against in modern Thedas. Maybe we'd want to explore how in a world of slavery like this, how could the answer NOT be to tear it all down? Maybe we should have that option at the end of the game so it really can chose whether we agree with Solas and his plans or not.

Adding Fenris to this game would entirely break the game because Fenris refuses to allow you to look away from this horror. He is a sympathetic character who had to learn to trust mages again because of course he didn't trust them. Of course he didn't. Fenris wouldn't allow the camera to shift focus because he's literally covered in the lyrium scars that show how slaves are used as experiments in Tevinter. Fenris WOULD question Neve on how she feels about elves and slaves. Fenris WOULD have things to say about Lucanis and the crows (let alone the fact Lucanis is an abomonation). So he could never be in this game; he'd drop a bomb on it's carefully constructed blinders to the very society its supposed to be set in.

And yet, in DATV, the crows are presented as...a found family of misfits and orphans? The politician who opposes the crows having absolute power in Antiva is framed as a comically evil idiot who doesn't understand that the crows are ontologically good. Yet...they're NOT. Crows in this game act more like a secret rebel group than an assassin organisation. We see no crow taking contracts with the VERY RICH venatori magisters despite being hired killers. We see crows just refuse to kill people despite having a contract because 'its crueler to leave them alive'. The crows don't feel like the crows here, they feel like a softened version of a cool assassin group who are cool because they wear black and purple.

Our pirate group are also sanitised; the Lords of Fortune are good pirates who only steal treasure that's not culturally significant. Theyve clearly read the modern critiques of the British Museum and have decided to explicitly stop anyone levelling similar critiques at them. There is no faction of the Lords of Fortune who aren't like this, no internal arguments about it. Everyone just. Agrees. And is able to accurately tell what a cultural artifact is vs. what treasure that you can have yourself is. Rather than showing us why a pirate stealing cultural artifacts might be bad (like in da2 where such a situation literally causes a coup and a war) it just tells us it's bad. But also pirates are cool so we still want them in our world.

This issue seaps into Thedas and drains it of any of the interesting complexity and ability to SAY anything that this franchise had before this game. It becomes a game about telling and not showing rather than the other way around. The games have ALWAYS asked questions about oppressive structural systems and their interplay with society, religion and culture and how these things can affect even the most well meaning character. Dragon age at its best IS a game about society and how society functions both for and against it's characters and what happens to societies built on cruelty and indifference. The best bad guys dragon age has given us are those who are bad because they embody these systems or have been shaped by them. Our main characters have had to wrestle with questions surrounding how to exist in these systems, fight against them, learn and grow.

Yet every group you come across in DATV is sanitised and cleaned up to the point of being as non problematic as humanly possible. None of our cast of characters have to wrestle with where they came from or the world that shaped them. None of them have to confront their own biases. They start the game perfectly non-problematic and end it that way too.

And this just...isn't what Dragon Age has been in the past. It isn't why I love the franchise. The whole game just felt, in a way, hollow. And this was a CHOICE and it is why the legacy characters are few and far between. Too many dragon age characters are just too...angry and complex for this game. You can feel them pulling their punches on this one. I have to imagine they did this because they didn't want to be criticised or have too much controversy? But I think it honestly goes far too much in the other direction and just makes it bland.

I can't imagine what I say here will be unique, but it is the basis for a LOT of my other thoughts on this game so I wanted to get it out of the way first. The softened Thedas and characters make this game by far the weakest in the franchise.

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

Could you do the Diamond sisters spilling Cater’s embarrassing childhood stories to his friends (either the other Heartslabyuls or the Pop Music Club)? I like to imagine the first thing they would do is wreak havoc on Cater’s carefully crafted persona, intentional or not.

Decided to combine these all and do headcanons instead of an interaction due to the high number of characters (Heartslabyul + Lilia and Kalim, Cater's clubmates)!

Please note that we don't know exactly how old Cater's sisters are, but here I'm headcanoning them as being only a few years older than Cater.

Curiouser and Curiouser...

Oh, the Diamond sisters LOVE Riddle. They hang all over him and squeal about how cute he is, much to his dismay. He’s not used to this much… open affection. It makes him feel weird!

He clears his throat several times and tries to remind them that he is not a boy, he is a young man, and he would appreciate it if they treated him as such. It’s a useless effort anyway—his words fall on deaf ears.

The Diamond sisters love it even more when he gets all red in the face. “Aw, he’s like a little strawberry,” they gush, not realizing that Riddle is this close to snapping and flying into a rage-filled frenzy. (His dorm members marvel at him actually exercising his limited patience; they placed bets with one another to see how long Riddle's temper can hold out for.)

He doesn’t much care for hearing stories from the Diamonds, finding them very frivolous. What’s with this family’s obsession with aesthetics? Riddle wonders. Why don’t they dedicate their time to more worthwhile pursuits like academics? And yet… why does his chest thud with a dull pain when he thinks about Cater in a large, empty house, packing up his life away into cardboard boxes?

The Diamond sisters are all over Trey too—but for completely different reasons than they were with Riddle. They drone on and on about how Trey is “husband material” and needlessly feel up his (beefy) arms, cooing and fluttering their lashes at him.

Trey awkwardly laughs off their jokes and shies away from their touch as politely as he can, making it clear he isn’t interested. He tries to deflect by changing the subject or offering tea and cakes and, if worse comes to worse, asks Cater for a save. (… Unfortunately, this makes the Diamond sisters think he’s playing “hard to get”.)

Trey actually likes hearing stories about Cater’s childhood; clearly, Cater won’t be this open with others himself, so getting this lore from his sisters is Trey’s second best option. Back then, Cater seemed so real and so vulnerable. Mask entirely off. Trey only wishes that Cater could be this unguarded with him in present day.

He has to admit, it’s amusing how flustered Cater gets trying to act unfazed or to play off his most embarrassing moments. Little by little, Trey feels as though the Diamond sisters are whittling away at his peer’s facade. He can’t help but be a little mean about it, taking this opportunity to join the Diamond sisters in teasing Cater. “So that’s what you were like, huh…”

He thinks he’s hot stuff, he could toootally bag Cater’s sisters—just watch him! … And so Ace slicks back his hair and tries his darndest to flirt with them, but to no avail. (The mob students make fun of him for having no rizz, but he defends himself by going, “L-Like you guys could do any better!!”) Man, he’s so jealous of Trey! How come he’s such a chick magnet even though he’s not even actively trying?!

The Diamond sisters wrinkle their noses at him and whisper to one another about how Ace is sooo annoying and cringefail. Think like… mean girls gossiping about you to your face. Real blow to Ace’s ego here.

Though the flirting doesn’t work out, Ace did initially manage to dazzle the girls with a few of his card tricks. The Diamond sisters clap their hands and demand that he “do it again” or tell them how the trick is done. He’d just cheekily wink and say, “Sorry, ladies! I never give away my secrets.”

There’s tea about Cater-senpai’s childhood? Ace is one of the first in line to hear about it!! He’ll memorize the stories and reenact them (including a falsetto voice for young Cater) for the entire dorm later, earning him Cater’s ire. “Ne, Ace-chan~ Don’t you think you’re bullying poor old Cay-kun too hard?”

As the man of the household, Deuce is usually helping out his mom or the other older ladies in the neighborhood, so he thinks it’s only appropriate to maintain that formal, upright behavior when addressing Cater’s sisters! This leads to Deuce calling both of them “ma’am” very loudly, which attracts stares from everyone 💀

The Diamond sisters wail about the whole “ma’am” thing. Like, just what is Deuce insinuating about their ages?! Do they look that old to him?! Is he saying he think they’re hags?! He hurriedly assures them he doesn’t mean anything by it, it’s meant to be respectful (but in the process, he accidentally calls them “ma’am” again and reignites their shrieking).

Appalled by Ace's attempts to flirt with the Diamond sisters, insisting that Ace should "be more of a gentleman, like Clover-senpai!" (He's dense and not fully aware of how uncomfortable Trey is with the circumstances.)

Deuce profusely apologizes to Cater for “hearing something he shouldn’t have” (ie his embarrassing childhood stories). He promises that he’ll act like he didn’t hear anything at all! He wears it on his life!! (This doesn't reassure Cater in the slightest. "Eeeeh, the more Deuce-chan says it, the more concerned I get!")

If there's one thing the Diamond sisters love as much as cute things, it's clout! They fawn over Kalim--well, more specifically, his family's wealth and status. (Some might even call it ass kissing.) Kalim's pretty oblivious to it, though. He thinks Cater's sisters are just being friendly with him, so he's friendly right back to them!

The Diamond sisters start to chatter about all these luxurious items they've been ogling. Designer shoes, haute couture dresses, jewelry heavy with gemstones... Kalim very nearly indulges the Diamond sisters by offering to buy those things for them (as "gifts to commemorate their new friendship"), but Cater cuts in to stop him!! "K-Kalim-kun, put away your wallet! The last thing I need right now is Jamil-kun after my neck!"

Kalim's just as bad as the Diamond sisters when it comes to spilling the beans on Cater. While the Diamond sisters yammer on about little baby Cater's missteps, Kalim tells them about the dumb stuff he and Cater get up to in club! They take turns trading stories and dunking on the poor guy...

But the difference between the Diamond sisters and Kalim? Kalim actually puts a positive spin on many of his tales. No matter how bad a show goes or how big the screw up... "All that matters is that we were in it together and had fun doing it. Cater's great at coming up with creative ideas. It makes me really happy to be able to call him my friend and band mate!"

The complete opposite of Riddle. Lilia adores being told he's cute. In fact, he encourages the Diamond sisters to "keep the compliments coming", because adorable things should be seen and adored! (Riddle huffs; Lilia is so shameless about all of this, especially as an upperclassman!)

He gets super into talking with the Diamond sisters about fashion, hair, and even nail polish colors. Lilia mentions some of his favorite and goes on a long spiel about how fashion trends have evolved over the years, and even gets into giving tips and tricks to the Diamonds. Cater's impressed with how smoothly Lilia's handling his sisters!

Lilia listens attentively as the Diamond sisters share their best (worst) stories about little Cater. He coos and chuckles at how cute Cater was "as a wee lad" and pitches in with stories about his own child, phrasing it as though Silver was someone he babysat frequently rather than his own son to avoid confusing the sisters. They murmur approvingly--not only is Lilia inventive and fashion-forward, but he's also great with children!

The Diamond sisters decide that Lilia is their new bestie and exchange numbers with him. He later lets his online buddy, Gloomurai, know about how he got the numbers of two hot women, which Gloomurai pops off about. "gg man ur rizz is INSANE." (Idia can't believe that a single father like Crimson Muscle still has mad game like this!)

BONUS: Some of the Diamond sisters' stories!

(P.S. If you like Cater + Cinderella stuff, you should check out this Cinderella retelling featuring Twst characters ;9)

Apparently, Cater used to talk to the rats and birds before he got a phone (not that he understood them at that age). After moving around so much as a kid, it became difficult for him to make friends with the local children so he'd practice his personas on the vermin in the community.

Once, they were playing dress-up together using their mother's wardrobe and makeup drawer... but they started fighting over some things that Cater was wearing, and his sisters ended up tearing the dress they wanted into rags, as well as snapping many pieces of jewelry. Everyone got scolded and punished that day, even little Cater, who hadn't done anything wrong.

He didn't like lentils as a kid so he'd pretend to trip and fall, spilling them into the ashes in the fireplace. Cater would have to pick all of them out by hand, but the chore was honestly preferable to eating them.

They used to play a game where they'd try to balance various stuff on their heads while walking. Normally it was various numbers of books--seeing who could stack the most--but once Cater tried a tray with a teapot and cups on it. That... didn't go so well.

Cater liked to pretend he was a celebrity! He'd bounce around singing with his hairbrush as a microphone or act like he was MCing for a ball. He would sing a lot as he scrubbed the floors too, popping soap bubbles as he did so.

[cakepoppresent]

Let Me Beat His Ass

A few things

Lol poor Daisuke his future wife is going through it and hasn't been returning his texts or calls

Malcolm truly is a big baby. Since Malcolm has been told "no" by Luna he doesn't know how to react. He's taking her wanting to see Andre as a personal attack against him rather than his sister just wanting to find out the truth.

Love Veronica and Luna, in an alt time they would have been GREAT

Transcript under the cut ~

Luna: She’s looking into it, she trying to find this “source”, Chantel isn’t saying who told her

The comments under the pic (it's much smaller on a phone than a computer)

@toucanman - I fucking knew it a rich girl like her would never actually be nice, she was just hiding her bitch ass attitude

@coochielicker - This isn’t the Luna I stan! All SMZ does is lie lie and LIE. Shes been acting for years and its only now shes a diva? Stop playing with my good sis!

@flo- Hmmm...I can see it tho, shes from a super wealthy family its probably her way or no way but who cares was anyone even hurt?

@fruitysims - LOL ive been waiting on something to come out on this hoe. Her nice girl shtick was so overbearing now her true colors are coming out. Thank god

----------------------

Veronica: What did Destiny say? Is she gonna do anything about this?

Veronica: You should send her bitch ass a lawyers letter or something. Can’t be legal to spread malaious rumors like that

Luna: I dunno. I’d rather find this source

Veronica: Where the hell is that man of yours? He must have connections he can use

Luna: Probably... he’s been calling but I don’t even have the time to deal with him right now. Malcolm that bitch still won’t talk to me and now Andre’s face is all over the news and my bitch Dad hasn't even called. It's...a lot right now

Veronica: Let’s travel then, How about Tomarang or Tartosa? Just until everything dies down and you figure out what to do next

Luna: No...I don’t want to leave Andre to deal with this alone and Malcolm is gonna crash out once he sees this online...I can’t leave right now

Veronica: Get off your phone babes. Reading all these comments is going to make you feel worse.

Luna: This is fucking awful and I miss Malcolm, can’t believe his ass won’t talk to me. Benji gives me updates but I’d like to meet Andre with Malcolm.

Veronica: Malcolm is the biggest fucking baby you gotta force him to see reason. If you don’t he’s just gonna pout and mop all day. Let me talk to him

Luna: What are you gonna do? Beat him up?

Veronica: Yes? Beat him up verbally at least. You’re hurting and he needs to get over himself, I'll help him see reason

Luna: He really does listen to you. Don’t be too harsh on him

Veronica: Hush. It's important you guys deal with this Andre thing. Malcolm needs to at least hear him out and stop punishing you for wanting to talk to Andre

Luna: Hahaha Malcolm has always been so sensitive, I wonder where he gets his bitch ass attitude from

Luna: V... it's been hell these past few days. It means a lot that you’re here with me now

Veronica: Babe. You’re basically my sister and I love you. Whatever is happening now will pass I know it will.

Luna: Feels like it's never going to end everything is going to fucking shit. I’ve never fought with Malcolm like this and Benji doesn’t know what to do he hates being in the middle of all this

Veronica: Sleep it off. I can’t help with what's going on online but I can and I WILL speak with Malcolm okay?

Luna: Okay...

Veronica: No more tears babe. I’ll beat his ass up if I have to. Just wait for my call okay?

Veronica: Love you too babes

Luna: Love you V

[ckret2]

I'd been meaning to do this since I found your account but today I read through the entirety of your Goldielocks fic (or at least, what's available) and all I can say is WOW !!!!!

You're really fucking good at writing these characters, capturing the lighthearted-yet-somehow-serious tone of the show, and the stuff you make up for worldbuilding fits right in with canon stuff. As a lover of making things canon-compliant and in-spirit-of-canon, this fic is like a dream come true. You're an amazing author !

I really look forward to your post-TBOB edits of the eclipse arc and the flatworld arc, I can already kind of guess where you're gonna go with it, but it's still exciting to think about what direction you might take things.

I'm also wondering, are you planning on changing anything about the Death Valley girls, what with the info we got about ciphertology and the like ? Or keeping them relatively the same ?

(I stayed up till almost midnight reading this - I'm so glad I don't have to be anywhere early tomorrow)

Thank you!! I've discussed my TBOB edits of the eclipse arc already, you can see some of them here if you want.

For the flatworld arc, I actually think basically nothing's going to change. Spoilers, but: Bill's world was never gonna be like Flatworld. It was gonna be a big reveal late in the fic ("big" for the characters, not the readers lmao) that Bill's world was actually pretty okay—like yeah, a few flaws, but not "barely-exaggerated satire of Victorian-era ableism/sexism/classism" flaws—and everything the kids read in Flatworld that made them pity Bill was 100% bullshit. It was going to turn out that Bill's world is actually...

... pretty much fucking exactly like Euclydia ended up being in canon—up to and including baby Bill getting medical trauma over having a super-rare cool-ass eye mutation that lets him see the stars of the third dimension.

I was gonna have Bill go "oh yeah, that's why I drove the author insane, I was that pissed at him for making my home world look that bad. I didn't correct you guys because I thought it'd be useful if you pitied me."

I did this because, before TBOB came out, I knew that no matter what I wrote about Bill's home dimension, probably a good 20% of readers would just push it to the side and automatically assume that his dimension was exactly the same as Flatland—like, occasionally readers were making comments about my fic talking about how triangles ***ARE*** oppressed in his home dimension like it was a canonical fact and taking it as a given that I was writing that. For that 20%, it seemed to me like the best way to ensure it got through to them that whoa, this isn't Flatland would be to have the characters assume his dimension is exactly the same as Flatland so that I could say, in story, "no that's totally wrong."

Post-TBOB, a lot fewer readers are gonna make that assumption. But having the characters assume his dimension is a lot worse than it really is is still a part of the story—it ties into the narrative of them slowly growing to expect him to be something more sympathetic/heroic than he actually is, a la Dipper's assumption that the Axolotl poem is a prophecy about how Bill will help save them—so there's no reason for me to take it out.

So yeah, tl;dr: Flatworld doesn't need to change because it was always going to be wrong.

I'm only gonna change the Death Valley girls a little bit. Everything I've currently written about them stays the same; except I'm also gonna mention that, yes, they are a Ciphertology sect, and yes, all the girls in the cult are Cipherwives.

So now I also get to crack jokes about Bill being both flattered and a little creeped out that even after he mostly ditched the cult they just kept inducting new recruits as "cipherwives" whether he showed up or not, like wow, you're just gonna marry him off in absentia to some lady he's never met??? What if he doesn't wanna marry her? What if he doesn't like her haircut?? Every time he shows up he finds out he's got a new wife! He loves the attention, but jeez, girls! At least send him a letter with his new bride's picture and wait for him to mail back an "OK" or something!

[aidylweiss16]

Furthermore, I think Catra's treatment of people that are trying to be part of her ingroup is a part of her trying to process her feelings about Adora joining the Princesses. She has a harder time letting new people in to begin with (because of her abuse), but I think it's also reasonable to view it as not being completely comfortable with writing Adora off completely.

The trouble is, she views Adora leaving as a betrayal when it was never about her. And if someone in her ingroup can treat her (as she sees it) badly, then all bets are off in terms of how to treat other people.

But her actions towards Entrapta and Scorpia are actually worse than Adora's towards her. And we as an audience recognize that dissonance. It rubs us wrong and it should, because people should be treated better in general. But that doesn't mean her actions are towards them are worse than Entrapta's and Scorpia's towards the Princesses. They're just more likely to lead ultimately to isolation (and they do) because they're focused on what should be her ingroup.

Humans are social creatures. The concept of an ingroup, of recognizing that we need to treat the people we interact with regularly well is what has helped us thrive as a species. But it comes with this double edged sword of making it easier to treat outgroups badly and that's something we need to move past. That's part of the point of the show, why Adora is the central character, because her immediate recognition that they've been misled is necessary for us to internalize in a world where our differences are so much more obvious.

So I guess my point is: it's understandable that people had more of a problem with Catra's redemption than Scorpia's and Entrapta's. That doesn't mean we should write anyone who feels like that off as a bad person. It just means we need to do more as a culture to talk about how to help people that are self-destructing like Catra.

one thing that this spop rewatch is really opening my eyes on is how hypocritical the Catra redemption discourse was back when the show was still airing. i could make a compilation of all the times Scorpia tries to murder someone in the Rebellion or Entrapta disregards basic morals to uphold her partnership with the Horde and yet they get passes in regards to their redemption while people complain about Catra not “deserving it”. and like, it’s literally only because Scorpia and Entrapta are nicer than Catra. if Catra wasn’t a huge bitch no one would be saying her redemption was rushed or undeserved. people care far more about personality than they do about actions.

[askthefamous8]

Even if I haven't been very active lately, 9 years is still pretty significant- happy birthday to the blog!

So like Percy up there I'm gonna do so dome reflecting. This blog's where I've often done that for some reason, but here's the tl'dr for blog related stuff.

• I would like to keep drawing stuff but feeling generally unsure in myself, and I'm wondering if all the years of fandom harrassment have caught up with me • I have one big project in mind, I've been dipping my toe into what I'd need to do it. No spoilers but it was one of the first things I played around with this series, so do with that what you will • If I can keep myself drawing, I want to use more of the original source material since I'm struggling with original ideas. So stuff like redraws, hOpEfULlY even animatics, just like what originally got me so into trains yknow? Because that's fun and sparks joy. And that always goes down a treat with you guys so bonus • As always I appreciate you guys not coming after me for being so inconsistent

The rest of this is me doing what Percy's doing in the drawing and reflecting, as there is indeed much 2 think about. It's also a little sad and venty so, there's your warning there.

.

Ok so obviously a busy year, we moved into our new house that we actually own, I spent most of the year planning our wedding, and then got married. Big stuff. Also! I came off antidepressants in the summer. I've been on them for...basically as long as this blog, 6 months after I started it I think. Which also means I'd been on antidepressants my entire adult life. Feels like a big deal and I guess I'm still adjusting.

Another big thing, but sad, is that my dog died about two weeks ago. If you follow me on twitter you'll have seen her but she did make an appearance here a few Halloweens ago

I got her when she was 13 and had her 8 years after that. So that's been difficult. Unrelated to that (probably), but I just feel...really mediocre. And before you point out the obvious, this has been present even before I came off antidepressants. But yeah just... mediocrity. In myself as a person, how I look, what I draw, my whole life really (barring my marriage thankfully). What have I achieved? I'm 26, I'm not working, I don't feel well, my art isn't good (I don't think so anyway- like yeah it's technically fine I guess but it's not, and has never been, very stand-out or impressive). And lately art doesn't bring me the same joy it once did, and I'm wondering if all the years of harrassment from this fandom (mostly the twitter side, tumblr's been pretty good to me) has finally caught up with me and put me off the whole thing. Or worse, that I just don't have as much of an interest in it anymore. I don't think I'll ever be like "ok yep I'm officially done with this blog" because I'm so stubborn but idk. I want to make things and be creative, I want to make more train art, but it doesn't feel the same. I don't know what's wrong. What do you listen to? What you want vs what you feel? I still enjoy train stuff, I love going to Awdry Ex every year. It's been like this for awhile. It's not even like I have a strong feeling of what I'd rather be doing as far as careers go. And even if I did, oh yeah I'm sure my two degrees in animation will be very relevant in another field (sarcasm). I feel adrift. My sails are open but there is just no wind. Planning my wedding gave me something to do and work on and just, feel useful but now that that's over I feel lost again. Losing my dog, who had become the center of my life because of how vulnerable she had become, hasn't helped.

On the more creative side of things, I also don't really know what to do with this blog's story either. The show's ended as far as most people are concerned, and I kiiinda wrote myself into a corner because once Thomas turns 18 he's going to leave for university, and that sets off this whole arc with James but basically the problem is it involves characters leaving and for some reason that feels like a no-no here. Don't get me started on the timeline lol. But Thomas works on a railway on Sodor, that's how it has to be...right? I guess I'm sort of at a crossroads of, ok do I want this to be close to the source material, and thus easily digestible to newcombers? Or do I want to make it more and more my thing and distanced from the source material? I doubt there's many new people coming since the series ended. And even then, there's a lot more humanization artists around now than when I started, so it's not like I'm filling a niche anymore. Just to be clear it's fine and also good that there's more humanization artists, variety is good, I just don't feel as "needed" anymore (which is 100% in my head and not an actual role that belongs to me or something). I started this blog when I was 17, so my interests and what I relate to have changed obviously. The character designs certainly have. It's never followed a super rigid story plan, but the core of it has always been the central cast doing things on Sodor. I however have always had a scene/project/animatic/whatEver in mind for when this 'series' would '''officially''' ''''end''''. But then what comes after that? I've always tried to run this blog like they are Real People that You interact with. But in real life there is no ending to the story, there's always more stuff to come. You get married, and it's wonderful, and then life goes on. The credits never roll. So maybe that's what I'm having trouble coping with...the progression of time. Ah, my old nemesis. I've always had trouble with letting go of things. There's nothing to say that I couldn't still draw stuff after the series "ends". I guess any story after Thomas leaves could be like... a sequel series or a spin off or something. Spin-off of a spin-off. Famous 8 All Grown Up. Famous 8 Qurter Life Crisis. Who knows. I certainly don't.

I've also been really into an original project unrelated to this but those don't get as much attention and while I'd like to do something with it one day, I don't feel very confident in being able to make that happen right now. But you know... as far my as art not being super spectacular goes... I think my individual talent has always been is my ideas, like the writing side of things. And then brought to life with my art, which normally isn't anything to write home about but is good enough to convey the idea and be not-awful to look at, lifts both of them beyond what they were individually. Maybe that's what I should focus on. Maybe that's wishful thinking.

So....idk. Idk what I'm doing but I'm trying to be gentle on myself and just let myself continue to drift, to heal from this heavy loss, and then in the New Year I'll try and pick myself up. Then there will be no more big once-in-a-lifetime events coming up, no more just-moved-into-a-house-and-oh-no-there's-a-bunch-of-things-that-need-attention-NOW scenarios, and no more big holidays for awhile. I guess we'll see.

If you read all of this I am so sorry but also thank you for reading my ramblings. And thank you for being around, whether that's been for a few months or for several years, but especially if it's been several years

[profoundlyfaded]

Another thought where it comes to my new fancination with Emmrich Volkarin - going back to yesterday's post about why he doesn't flirt back, you can also add a Mourn Watch faction specific reason to this as well. So this won't work for your Grey Wardens or Antivan Crows, etc, but if your a Mourn Watcher - what does he think of your actions during The War of the Banners?

During 'Where the Dead Must Go', Emmrich asks Rook what took them so far away from the Necropolis, and this opens the conversation where Emmrich notes that he had heard that a young Watcher, Ingellvar (you, of course) used unorthadox means to quell the rebellion. There's a slight tone of disapproval, in my opiunion, before learning that Rook is Ingellvar. Remember, when you are putting your mementos in your room, a Mourn Watcher Rook refelects that some called her actions 'casual destruction of the dead'. For a Mourn Watcher, this sounds like a pretty serious crime.

We never find out what Emmrich makes of MW Rook's actions, but I suspect that he finds it a great shame and ponders on the alternatives - what would he have done?

Regardless, he agrees to help Rook with their mission. Once the bell is rung, Emmrich asks Rook to explain why they are there on there way back to wherever it is they meet Myrna and Vorgoth. I imagine even if he believed the worse case scenario about Rook, the draw of the Lighthouse would be just too much for him.

In this context, when Rook begins flirting, Emmrich has an added layer of caution; he wants to get the measure of Rook. Did they participate in a wanton act of casual destruction of the dead, or was it warrented. Emmrich isn't going to reciprocate feelings with someone who's shown such disregard for the dead. But over time, he sees that Rook made a difficult decision with the best intentions, earning his affection in return.

[thefandomenchantress]

Who Explored with Who in Chapter 1?

This is a question that has plagued my mind for a very long time, so I'm finally making a post about who I think teamed up with who!

There are three categories: Confirmed, probable, and guess. Confirmed means we saw it confirmed in the episode, probable means I think we can say that it probably happened, and guess is me taking a shot in the dark.

Teruko and Charles: Confirmed

Since Teruko is the character we follow, we saw that she explored with Charles the whole time (except when he ran off for a few minutes to make the weapons list). So they're confirmed.

Xander and David: Confirmed

The reason Teruko is forced to explore with Charles in the first place is because Xander confessed he was ditching her to explore with David. So this pairing is confirmed as well.

Arturo and Levi: Confirmed

Teruko and Charles run into these two in the infirmary, and Arturo states they spent their time together while he bandaged Levi's arm because of the injury the spikes caused. They're also confirmed.

Arei and Whit: Confirmed

Teruko and Charles walk in on them having a toilet paper fight exploring the bathroom together during a CG. Since Whit built a whole toilet paper fort, they were probably in there together for a while. So we can also confirm them as a pair.

Veronika and Ace: Probable

I've always been pretty confident about this one, even though it's never shown. Not only did Veronika and Ace's usual chapter 1 counterparts, Arturo and Levi team up, leaving them to instead team up with each other, but their relationship being established now also sets up Veronika forcing Ace into her movie night. After spending so much time exploring with him, she knew how easily scared he was and that he'd be fun to bring.

Min and Eden: Probable

At first, I was going to put Hu and Eden together, since they're friends later, but in the end I decided on these two, and I'm actually pretty confident about it. Eden probably would've put a little more effort into including Hu in the baking activity if they really were already friends, and Min actually does attend the baking activity despite it not being school-related. Min already being friends with or liking Eden makes that more believable, and them having a friendship or spending a lot of time together during chapter 1 makes Eden's guilt over Min's death also make more sense. If they already had a friendly connection and spent time together outside of that one baking scene, of course Eden feels way worse than if she accidentally caused the death of someone she only talked to once or twice.

J and Nico: Guess

I figured J will probably go with who she thinks is the coolest, and Nico's the only one I could justify her thinking might be kinda cool out of who I had left. Hu's too motherly (maybe reminding J of her Mom a little too much), and Rose...well, she might be the second-best pick, but her sleepiness might frustrate J, so I figured Nico was my best bet. They might be kinda socially awkward, but they're blunt in a way I think J would appreciate (and it's not like J's not socially awkward sometimes either). And I think Nico would end up liking J a fair bit, too. So I've decided to think they explored together.

Rose and Hu: Guess

Other than being the only two I had left, I figured they still work pretty well as a pairing. Hu's a lot more patient than some of the other students, so her being the one to put up with Rose constantly falling asleep mid-conversation would make sense. Plus, Hu says that the pairs are a matter of safety and makes Teruko team up with Charles instead of being nice and doing it herself. Maybe that's because she wanted to protect Rose, who she thinks could quite easily fall into a trap, and didn't want to leave her in Teruko's or especially Charles' hands. If she had teamed up with, say, Eden instead, maybe she would've been more comfortable helping Teruko out and going with Charles for her in her pursuit to be useful.

---

Aaaand that's it! If anyone has any other ideas for who paired up with who, I'd love to hear them. I'm actually pretty happy with my guesses, but I guess I'll never know if I'm right.

[lucygraysboy]

“you’re welcome. i really like the idea of using colors as middle names, very unique.” and yet shows that they’re a community. a family. “why would i want to do something nice for you? ‘cause it’s better than just sayin’ thank you, right? actions speak louder than words? and besides, why not help if i can? i can see reva blue means a lot to you.” he shrugs, still very much puzzled by her mindset — does she genuinely believe there’s no good in people? “poor reva blue, but at least her skirt still looks nice and she seems to be thriving.” speaking about the bear as if she were a real person because it feels right, proves that he isn’t heartless. “and how’d you like it? that lifestyle, i mean.” he has trouble picturing his brother, a spitting image of their father apparently, traveling from place to place and having a good time. living out in the woods? in district 12? no way. “i see.” putting pieces of the story together, he can see the bigger picture now and although there are still chunks of it missing, he can almost understand the enormity of her tragedy. “sounds like you and my brother went through a lot together. the games, the mayor’s daughter, and then he just turned on you?” he feels sorry for this girl, being alone in the world is a terrible thing, but being alone after suffering so greatly and being betrayed… it’s a nightmare. it’s one of the reasons why he seems to have unlimited amounts of compassion and empathy for her — he doesn’t know what he’d do if he were the one in her place. 

“so you aren’t plannin’ on eventually returnin’? to twelve? where will you go? i mean, i don’t think you can live out here forever. winter’s coming.” what is she going to eat? he doesn’t believe the story about traps for squirrels. how is she going to stay warm? he can’t imagine her wielding an axe and chopping down trees. and this wound… he’s not sure if iodine can help it at this point. she might need actual help from a medic. what if gangrene sets in? “and this other billy? billy taupe? what’s his story?” is he still alive? is he looking for her? “i’ll be honest with you. it doesn’t look good.” part of him is tempted to keep this piece of information to himself as not to scare her, but he doesn’t want to sugarcoat or lie. she’s not a child even if she at times reminds him of one. besides, she probably already knows this. he can tell that she’s highly intelligent just by looking in her eyes. “look, if it gets any worse… if what we’re doin’ now doesn’t work, you might have trouble walkin’ on this leg and it will become a real problem.” would she let him take her to thirteen then? would he be able to carry her for miles and miles? or find a way? after all, he did get lost and that’s why he’s here. it begins to dawn on him what a terrible situation they’re in. “you can squeeze my shoulders.” if it hurts. left hand clutching her calf, holding her leg in place so that she doesn’t kick him in the head when the pain becomes too much, he looks up at her apologetically and begins to clean the wound. he uses the cloth, soaked in warm water, to scrub her raw flesh, get rid of any dirt that may be in there. fingertips pressing on the edges, making sure there’s no pus beneath the tissue.

“thanks, i guess i like a compliment like that one.” she loves a compliment like that one but it’s coming from him— so it’s hard to accept it. hard to thank him for anything. “i don’t get why you’d want to.” thinking out loud, thick brows pulling into a confused crease just for that look to deepen when he says back at the capitol. “just from wear and tear, carryin’ that poor thing around place to place through the years… us covey never stay in one place for long.” lucy gray reminds, since his memory has been completely wiped out. “they have no clue about my whereabouts. i had to flee district twelve after you killed the mayor’s daughter because she was gonna rat us out. mayor already hated me, so of course i was gonna be his suspect. target even. give him the perfect reason to hang me, with or without evidence.” the brunette grumbles, leaving out the part where she put the snake down mayfair’s dress to make the mayor hate her. afraid the topic of snakes might trigger something in him. “i can’t answer that exactly…hard tellin’ what goes on his head. your head.” she corrects herself, she doesn’t think it was jealousy because he liked her though. she believes it was jealousy because billy taupe was a threat, something possessive deep in coriolanus rotting his insides. “oh…okay,” wanting to disagree, but not having the energy to get on his bad side. “climbin’ over a rock and that happened.” easy to do when you grow tired and starved. giving a nod, she’ll keep her blouse like this because she doesn’t want to stain it until dries. “ow-” quietly wincing, biting into her lower lip as leg instinctively jerks at his touch. “it has, i think at this point i’ve gotten used to the pain of it. —almost.” until his finger tips explored and touched it barely, causing her stomach muscles to cave inwards. “no, i’m fine. i’m all right.” her shoulders are cold, but she doesn’t need tended to since her shivering has faded and ridding the wet clothes helped with that. feeling a lot better than she did.

[jenny-ate-ink]

While I fully believe every woman should have a gun to protect herself, I understand many will never be comfortable having one, be it because they're suicidal and know they may very well use it against herself, or they worry it might be taken and used against them, or some other reason. And so I want to offer some other things women can do to ensure their safety and defend themselves.

Acknowledge The Threat Is Most Likely To Be A Male You Know, Not A Random One

Your father, brothers, uncles, grandfathers, male cousins, male friends, male partners, and male hook-ups are all the people who pose the biggest threat to you. You do not have to cut these males off, although it would be much safer to do such and is extremely recommended for that reason and many more, but staying vigilant of how they speak and act around you and do not let red flags go dismissed or excused are things to do if you cannot or will not remove sperm makers from your life.

Memorize male faces you know and all the differences about them. Look for key details that you can still notice even if he is wearing baggy clothes, a mask, or otherwise attempting to disguise himself. Freckles, moles, scars, tattoos, accents, lisps, height, weight, shoe size, hand size, nose shape, ear shape, mouth shape, portions (length and width of arms, legs, torso, etc all put together), can all be identifing details. If you are on friendly terms with a male, maybe even manufacturer a scenario where he is wearing a mask or otherwise disguising himself and memorize how he looks disguised and ways to recognize him when disguised.

If you are attacked, immediately look for identifying futures, and if you even suspect his identity, or you can clearly see who he is, yell his name. Yell his name and that he is attacking you. Yell his name and tell him to stop. This may discourage him from continuing as he does not want to face justice for his crimes by being reported, and his identity being exposed can lead to that, but do not rely on this solely. Even if this does not discourage him from continuing, if there are any audio recording devices or people close enough to hear you, it helps identify him and get you justice after the fact.

Focus On Physical Strength And Weaponless Defense

Weight lifting, boxing, martial arts, and basic self-defense training are all incredibly useful. The stronger and better trained you are, the harder it will be to hurt you. Your goal isn't to be able to win against a male in an equal fight, but to be able to get away from the fight, and that means knowng how to and being willing to fight dirty, learning and utilizing evasive maneuvers, and being quick enough to dodge blows and grabs. Letting males know you work can also be a deterrent, but do not let him know which specific workout or training you are doing as he may try and find coutner maneuvers to your defense.

Eyes, nose, mouth, ears, throat, joints, and genitals are all spots to aim for and to be ruthless against. Dig your nails into his eyes, and don't stop even if they pop. Headbash his nose until it breaks and keep going, bite off his nose even. Palm strike/punch his nose, ears, and temples again and again. Grab his ears and rip them off. Bite everywhere you can without holding back, make them bleed. Punch his throat repeatedly till he can't breathe, rip it out with your teeth. Kick his knees until they dislocate or break and he can't chase you. Slam his elbows in the wrong way until they dislocate or break. Kick and knee his crotch with all your strength until he lets go. Once you have an opportunity to escape, run and don't look back, and immediately go to a safe location and call for help.

Being "gross" could also make him hault in the middle of an attack. Urinate, throw up, and deficate even, anything really. This will often make you far less desirable target.

And remember; once a male is even attempting to commit harm against you, he has given you the right to do infinity worse things to him.

Safeguard Your Home

You are more likely to be hurt at home than anywhere else, and so preparing your house for the event a male does attempt to hurt you can be life-saving.

Change your locks. Keys can be copied from something as simple as a picture, and if your keys have been around a male, he very easily could have taken a picture of them without your knowledge. Do not leave your keys visible, or let any male have access to them, no matter how trusted you consider him to be. Once a male has your key, he can easily sneak in and catch you off guard.

Get several security camera both inside and outside your house, and make it known without revealing the company they're from. A simple hand made "smile you're on camera!" sign will do. Cameras are a huge discouragement, and when they don't work to discourage, they can capture evidences of what exactly happen and prevent the man from lying about the situation—be it claiming he is the one acting in self defense and you're the aggressor, claiming you are lying about it all, or trying to soften and dismiss what he has done. Cameras facing entry points such as doors and windows and cameras in the main spots where an attack will happen, such as the living room, kitchen, and bedroom, are the best spots to have them. If you can not afford or are not permitted to add a cameras to your home, even just having a sign that says you have cameras and lying to the males in your life that you have cameras can still be an effective deterrent. However, if he knows which brand/company your cameras are from, he can easily find ways online how to disable and break them, if not hack them to stalk you.

Get a protective and/or gaurd dog and do not let males socialize/befriend them. Dogs can have your back, but not if they know and like your attacker. Even just knowing but not necessarily liking a male may make a dog hesitate to or even refuse to attack him when he proves to be a threat. Keep your dog outside or in another room if you must have a male over to keep them unfamiliar if necessary.

Keep anything that can be used against you tucked away. Knives, scissors, and anything that can be used to stab or cut should be stored in drawers. Baseball bats and other objects able to be used as a blunt weapon should be in a closet. Possibly projectiles such as glass or porcelain cups and bowls in a cupboard. Things like vases should be firmly secured if not removed. This will not stop an attacker from using these against you, but it will take longer for him to find them or remember where they are, giving you time to flee. It may even prevent the idea of using these items against you from crossing his mind altogether.

Find Alternative Weapons You Are Comfortable With And/Or Can Legally Have

Tasers, pepper gel, hair spray, knives, wrenches, hammers, bats, and more can all be used as self-defense items instead of a gun. If you are not legally allowed to carry self-defense items and are not comfortable priorizing your safety over the law, being creative with the items you use can provide possible deniability.

Carrying a bat with a mitt and ball can make it so you can use the excuse that you are heading to or back from a game. Hairspay, hairbrush, and hair ties can be used so that way you can excuse having the hair spray on you for future touch-ups. Carrying a bag instead of a purse and keeping some general tools in there can allow you to say that you're bringing them to a friend.

Safeguard Your Body

This isn't about "looking" a certain way to prevent an attack because wearing or not wearing something will never prevent a male from being violent. But rather, this is about wearing practical clothes and hairstyles that won't disadvantage you during an attack.

Heels, too-tight or loose shoes, restrictive skirts, shorts, pants, and tops, fake nails that can break and rip off the real nail underneath, piercings that can be ripped out, loose hair or hair styles that make it easier to grab hair should be avoided. Normal teeshirts or long-sleeves, along with basic shorts or jeans that allow a good range of movement, are all comfortable and practical clothing.

If you're like me, though, and chafe through pants within a few weeks for those to be practical budget wise, loose but not overly big knee length and maxi skirts also allow for a good range of motion, and I found that I personally don't chafe through sweatpants either, so those are also an option. Having skirt clips on a belt as to raise the skirt to avoid tripping in a pitch is also advised to free up in order hands from lifting the skirt when fleeing. Biker shorts or leggings or leggings cut into shorts can also be worn under a skirt to prevent flashing if that is a worry.

Although pants and shorts and sweatpants will always be more practical than a skirt overall, and so, if you can wear them, it's best to do that whenever possible. I personally keep a new pair of pants put away for when I need to leave the house and advise every woman to do the same.

Short hair is harder to grab than long hair, especially pixie cuts or shorter, so consider a haircut. If you don't want to cut your hair, or you can't do it safely for any reason, wearing in braids you pin to your head also makes your hair harder to grab then if it'd left down or in a protruding hairstyle such as a ponytail or unpinned braid.

Have A Safety Plan

Much like how you should have an escape route for if a fire starts, you should have an escape route for if you attacked.

Memorize the layout of your home and every possible exit point. Think of how you would go about escaping each room, and which room would be the safest to lock yourself into if you can't escape. Also, have a plan to seek help and shelter for when you escape your home. Find a neighbor who will be willing to take you in so you can safely call for help if possible, preferably another woman. Males will often take advantage of women they think can get away with harming, so do not trust him to not also become an aggressor. Males do not protect women, women protect women, remember this.

If you are in a store or your car, try and keep track of where you are and where escape points are. Check your back seats and underneath your car. If possible, put a mirror in your cart so you can keep an eye on behind you when shopping. Keep a look at for familiar cars and faces that keep showing up, and if you noticed you are being stalk, do not go home, but rather to a police station, hospital, or somewhere else they cannot do anything to you without being seen.

Acknowledge That Just Because A Male You Know Is The Most Likely To Hurt You, That Doesn't Make Males You Don't Know Any Safer

Violent males are opportunistic creatures, and the reason a male you know is more likely to be violent than one you don't is because he thinks he can more easily get away with hurting you.

Be vigilant when out in public, especially when males are around. It doesn't matter if he's thirteen or sixty. Do not let your guard down around him. Avoid being near places that you can easily be dragged into, such as alleyways or vehicles, and avoid being too close to males as they can easily and randomly strike. A single punch can knock you out, if not kill you if enough force it put behind it and lands in just the right spot. Spacial awareness is extremely important. Keep your eyes, ears, and smell on the lookout. If possible, do not go out alone and bring other women with you. Avoid going out during low visibility and activity. Advoid male dominated spaces where if one decides to hurt you, the others may choose to stay quiet if not join him in hurting you in order to "protect his bro" or "partake in the fun".

These are all the things I can currently think of at the moment, but I'm sure there's more. I invite every woman to add on more safety measures, weapons, plans, etcetera other women can take to stay safe that doesn't involve gun ownership for those who are uncomfortable/unable to own a gun

[physalian]

Wicked (part 1) was a solid adaptation

Saw Wicked last night. Only seen the musical once and for a movie longer than both halves of the original combined, the extra added minutes aren’t wasted. I can't exactly praise a movie for storytelling when its legwork was done near beat-for-beat already in the musical, and in the original book, but if you haven't or won't see anything except this film: Yes, it has a very good story.

But I want to talk about what I think is the best example of a “maybe they weren’t so terrible after all” villain redemption retcon, of which Elphaba is kind of the poster child of this whole trend. Why she works, and why something like Cruella did not. Not specific to this version at all.

Quick synopsis: Wicked is an alternate telling of the events before The Wizard of Oz, the backstory of the Good Witch Glinda and the Wicked Witch of The West. It is not the story of how good triumphed over evil, how Elphaba devolved or perhaps was always mean and nasty and underdog Glinda saved the day.

Instead, it’s a deeply political (and whoo boy is it relevant today) smear campaign against the disenfranchised and the minority population of Oz—the talking animals. Elphaba is the underdog, an up-and-coming bright-eyed sorceress taken under the wing of her magic school’s legendary professor, with hopes to one day meet the Great Wizard of Oz. There she meets mean-girl Galinda and for about half a classic mean-girl storyline, the two are enemies. Galinda makes amends, the two become friends, and they go together to Oz to meet the Wizard…

Who is an even worse man behind the curtain than in the ‘39 movie, a charlatan and a fraud, who, when Elphaba refuses to let him abuse her magic to scapegoat the talking animal community, launches said smear campaign, turning Elphaba into a pariah. Galinda (now Glinda) stays behind as the events of Wizard of Oz play out, using her socio-political savviness to help Elphaba where she can. Oh, and the melting? Well, the Wizard isn’t the only master of illusions.

—

The ingredients are all there for a ridiculously base “girl boss” plot about this OP Mary Sue who just will not get taken seriously by the ugh “men” around her (and this is absolutely a feminist storyline screaming high notes from the rooftops) until she shows them all they’re idiots and fools and she’s amazing. The bullying classmates, Glinda’s narcissism, Elphaba’s unprecedented raw power with magic.

Except it has the one thing so many recent “girl boss” movies don’t: You like Elphaba and she’s not perfect, and, you like Glinda (eventually). She’s not arrogant and flawless. She’s introverted and can come off as rude and unfriendly but she just lacks foundational relationships to help her socialize, and in the face of the shallow dipshits at her school, she has every reason to be rude and unfriendly.

Glinda, too, is naïve, but not cruel, save for one moment where she immediately owns up to it once she realizes how badly she screwed up, risking the thing she cares about most—her reputation and popularity and likability—to help a girl who selflessly gave her the other thing she cares about most: The chance to also become a sorceress.

But most importantly: Elphaba is a victim, not the architect of so much of this story. Mary Sues do everything right without any effort, they don’t struggle, they don’t overcome any fears or prejudice or limitations. Elphaba isn’t the one loudly and proudly demanding an audience with the Wizard. She isn’t going around praising herself and her abilities. She has a lot of power, but never learned how to use it, and she doesn’t luck into her story, she’s explicitly, strategically manipulated into her role.

She'd be more of a Mary Sue if the Wizard's offer was genuine and he was actually a good person, then she really would have lucked her way into fortune by virtue of being inexplicably adept at magic. But she's not, and he's not.

The story manages to build her up without dragging everyone else down. Nor does she "turn evil" because the Wizard doesn't respect her for being green, or a woman, he doesn't give a shit, he just wants what she can do for him. She "turns evil" because they have deeply different philosophies and he's standing in her way and she has no other choice but to flee and become a fugitive. She chooses this, the Wizard doesn't kick her out.

But even before that, Elphaba does become popular, her shallow classmates do start to like her (disproving any notion about how the world will hate her no matter what she does, so fuck ‘em), Glinda does actually have a heart and she is smart, just in a very different school of thought from Elphaba. The influence of the Wizard is just so strong that of course they’re going to believe his lies.

It’s not a story about how “this villain was actually the victim of a Tragic Backstory and you should feel bad for them because it’s even sadder than the hero’s” it’s “this villain was actually the victim of a smear campaign, and the heroes are still heroes, but here’s the other side of who they were fighting”.

But it also works because of the story that it is. Ignoring the actual Oz books (and there are many of them): Precedent already exists in the ‘39 movie—the Wizard is already revealed to be a charlatan. Wicked doesn’t rip up the old script, tell you you’re wrong, and then plop in a whole new story that fucks the continuity. Nor does it ask you to change your mind about a villain who doesn’t really deserve redemption in the first place, like, say, one who skins puppies to wear their fur. Instead, it digs into the fissures that were already there and pulls up the rocks to reveal what’s underneath.

And, Elphaba knows she’s going to be seen as a villain, but she’s not happily engaging in “villainy”. She’s doing what she thinks is right, something the audience should agree with, and is choosing to become a pariah to get her way. She never becomes a “villain”, just the antagonist to the hero’s journey, and I don’t remember the ’39 movie perfectly, but “this little rat from another world dropped a house on my sister and is on her way to kill me, too” would make one justifiably upset.

But overall, it’s just a story with layers and nuance that’s sorely missing in its contemporaries, and, like I said, deeply political without strawmanning either side (wellllllllll...). And, it respects the source material.

I also don’t remember the first Maleficent that well, but I think that also did a good job? Back when the live-action remakes weren’t all hot garbage.

So. Yeah. You want to write a powerful female character very explicitly being a feminist icon (and the consequences that come with it)? Elphaba is the perfect example.

[skarkkk]

First, Brad Torrence.

He's a more complex character than he seems. The news of him being a father and having distanced himself from his son to try to pursue this pilot thing is in a way like Eddie. Who ran away to the army. The scene of the guy wanting to kill himself and him having that conversation and in the end actually managing to save him, compared to the conversation he had with Eddie also shows that he's more sensitive about his own importance than he acts with that superiority (like in that scene with the attendant).

Second, Eddie Diaz.

(I won't go into as much detail as I want because I plan on making another post, it's too much trauma for just one).

Starting with his relationship with Chris and how it's going downhill, his distance and how he probably doesn't want to become like his own parents, leaving his son to raise himself alone, hating his father (which is fair, but come home, honey). I read about Ryan's possible exit and although this thing about him moving to Texas to create the perfect exit doesn't make sense either. Since the second season he has been a main character, and him leaving the series would mean sending him to Texas and ignoring anything involving what will happen there in his relationship with his parents and also with Chris. I would love to see him go to El Paso and return with his son, to their house, to their Buck. I would love him going to El Paso and being recognized as "Hotshot's #1 hot nurse" and it also serving as an opening for some guy (maybe a blue-eyed blond) to flirt with him and Eddie having an Oh.

Third, let's talk about the couch teory and kitchen.

The look on Buck's face when he sat down on the couch and truly realized what was about to happen, it wasn't him helping his best friend pick out a new house, it was him helping his partner pick out a new house in another state. And that he would never go back to that couch - his safe place - or to that house after Eddie leaves and that he will never truly see his best friend again after this, nor his son (because that's what Chris is). We have, for the first time, two scenes of them together on that couch, technically one, but considering. Post-breakup Buck + finding happiness again Eddie, Post-breakup relapse Buck + going after happiness (son) Eddie. Buck, abandonment issues in bold capital letters and underlined on his forehead, picking out a house where his best friend is going to try to reconnect with the son they both lost. Do you think he blames Eddie for a moment? I lost what I considered a son and now I'm going to lose you because of it. He went and you're going to follow and they're going to leave me here. About the kitchen, it's basically how important it is. We talked about how Buck feels comfortable showing up at his house out of nowhere, walking in and going straight to the kitchen and the cabinets. We talked about "your own privacy, but not with me", and how the signs are there.

"Do you wanna go for the title?"

"It's Eddie's house, I'm not really a guest"

"Do you remember anything about the shooting?"

"Eddie, who's Kim?"

"Aren't these homes out of your budget in LA?".

Their kiss itself has to be there, or on the couch.

Fourth, if Buddie doesn't happen, it will either be because the producers are afraid or because the characters are afraid.

Something along the lines of "I can't be his first because then I won't be his last." Tommy left and Eddie leaves for completely different reasons, but this is Buck. And "why do I feel worse about you leaving than I do about my boyfriend?" and we know it will be like that. He liked Tommy, of course, and they were a couple, but 6 months of dating and dating is nothing compared to the years of mutual trust and family development that Eddie and Buck have had, it's a slow burn in which they built this (non)platonic partnership of theirs, in which they both feel so comfortable in each other's homes. And I don't doubt for a second that it's entirely possible for a scene like that to happen, if the show goes down a path for Buddie, in true 911 style that will either be super emotional and traumatic or comedic and cute. If you go down the path where both have feelings but don't become a couple because of fear, it would be for that reason for Buck + "I can't lose my best friend" and for Eddie the baggage of Catholic guilt he has plus the repressed homosexuality boiling in Texas

Fifth, Graham Keye and Athena Grant.

I thought their scenes were so cute. Graham seemed like a bit of a pain in the ass with the little cars, on the one hand it's okay to demand things be done the right way, on the other hand people just want to go home after a purchase. Leaving aside the plot of the culprit being Ira (or whatever his real name is), we see the difference between Athena's treatment of Sparks and him. Her calling him a baby in the hospital scene cured mommy issues all over the world, because his family doesn't even know he's in the hospital and almost died, because she was honest about him not being able to be a cop and that she presented him with an opportunity, something that probably (due to the person he is, and the context of the story presented) shouldn't have happened before. The culprit not being that big guy in plaid was pretty satisfying because it would be so obvious and boring if it were, so they go there and put the old man who Graham was trying to kind of help in his own way

Sixth, 118 and Hotshot's.

Chimney as a doctor was hot as hell, but thinking about it now, what would Maddie's reaction be? Considering that her abusive ex-husband was a doctor, but Chim is the cutest and perfect man for her. Eddie and Buck as nurses and their uniforms match perfectly, Buck's uniform showing off his muscles, Eddie clumsy on the set, Henrietta being a queen as always, and Brad going by what she said. Because I love that they did this "this wouldn't happen in real life" thing and I keep thinking, the things you guys do probably wouldn't happen in real life either. The scene at the beginning, them watching the show and giving their opinions and how Eddie automatically brought Buck into it with the F word and Buck's super expressive reaction to it, plus Hen and Chim being passive

"I liked the song"

"It's a good show"

(I don't remember Chim's line )

Seventh, Buddie again.

How Buck realized so quickly that Eddie was hiding the tablet and going on an ordeal that seems so flirtatious, and how Eddie can't lie to him. Even if 911 doesn't bring it up that often, Eddie was trained in the army, he enlisted twice and came back alive both times. From what I know about the US military (basically just from the series), he should be able to lie even under torture and yet he opens his mouth whenever Buck asks him to.

Eighth, the next episode.

According to the plot, we have a serial killer who will go after Maddie. And she is pregnant, and this will probably generate more trauma depending on whether she knew the person because "she could have hurt our child and it would be my fault", and she probably does. You can see in a scene from the preview that the person who took Maddie is a woman, who knows where she lives and who managed to get into her house. A woman with medium-long brown hair. We will know if she shows up earlier and why in the next episode, but still. Is it because of Chim? Because of the son? A random choice? I want to see the reaction, especially from her husband and her brother. Mainly from the brother actually, because Chim is her husband and they have a daughter but he was in the hospital recovering the first time this happened (not disregarding what he felt during Maddie's kidnapping by Doug, but he had been stabbed and probably slept most of it). Buck had to deal with going after her and worrying about Chim, and Doug, and everything that happened. And now it's happening again and it's maybe worse, because it's a serial killer, someone who doesn't just want Maddie for himself but wants murder and has experience in that. And I want a comfort scene with Buck and Chim, them bonding even more and a recreation of the hospital scene when Eddie comes to talk to Buck after Athena puts him in "hospital jail" for trying to unlock Chim's phone. I want Maddie to be okay, as well as the baby, and I want to see how they're going to deal with Jee.

[keewu]

What VOCALOID/utaite song fits the sds characters?

This is basically me combining my two biggest interests haha, but yeah I've really thought about this.

Meliodas: Aun no Beats. So from what I've read and what I think the meaning of the lyrics is. It's a person who mourns the death of their lover, and not being able to be together anymore (we all know why this checks out) the line that stuck out to me was "we were going to be together forever" anyway I really like this song and I think it fits him.

Elizabeth: Yume to Hazakura. This is a really beautiful song and its very melancholy. It talks about distant memories and unforgettable words, tbh I think it just fits her vibe. For Meliodas I had like a reason I don't think I have for this one. But it fits her and it's a beautiful song.

Diane: Lonely Universe. It was HARD finding a song fitting her man. But I think this is cute and it's her feelings toward King. It's in my opinion about a person who loses someone (King making Diane forget about him) and waits for them to come back, like they are always looking for something. It also feels like the person waiting is quite alone which Diane was after she left the giants, she didn't have anyone since the humans found her scary.

Ban: Vita. I gotta give my man a depressing song bro. So I can't really find the "meaning" of the song so I'll just make my own conclusions. It says "I'm living as best as I can" and "dying as best as I can" and I feel like that resonates with Bans character, you can't tell me that man doesn't want to die when he deliberately went to prison to get tortured. It also says "it's getting worse and worse" which I feel like Ban felt when he said that everyone he likes ends up leaving him.

King: Lemon. Ya'll I cannot not give King the yaoi angst okay. So the song is about grieving for a loved one, someone who's already passed (Helbram hehe) it has lines which are very beautiful like "Even the pain from that day, I still loved it all with you" and "more than I knew I was in love with you" (if you can't tell I really like King x Helbram) overall the melody of the song fits him too and overall I really frickin love this song.

Gowther: Hitomodoki. This is a mafumafu song (one of my fav artists btw) and Hitomodoki means kinda like Pseudo-human which in of itself fits my boy here. As soon as I listened to this song I thought how much it fit Gowther and I could go on a super long rant, but instead I'm just gonna drop some lyrics on you cause you'll see what I mean. "Is this hole I had mistakenly opened within my heart" and "In this human form, without becoming a human" and "oh, my heart — I once wished that you would have stopped" like you get what I'm putting down??

Merlin: Rollin' Girl. I had so many songs for her, like bitter Choco decoration, bad apple, lost ones weeping etc. But I decided to go with the old classic depression song. Again from what I read and how I interpret it, it's about a girl who's very lonely and needs help but never accepts it from other people. Even though she's in pain she want to keep "rolling" each day at a time (continue to live) she always wants to be perfect/succeed. Lyrics: "it doesn't matter how It turns out, that's just a downward hill towards more mistakes" anyway I feel like this song really fits her. Also this song may or may not have been my most played song last year and Merlin may or may not be my favorite character hehe...

Escanor: The reason I wanted to die (Boku wa shinou to omottetanowa. So as you can see this is a depressing song once again (all these mfs be traumatized) and its a really beautiful song that really shows how Escanor feels in my opinion. It sings about reasons to want to die and it's about grief and despair but also hope. The lyrics "The reason I wanted to die is because I hadn't met you yet" and "I fell in love with this world a little more where people like you were born" feels a bit like his feelings toward Merlin which is cute.

This is honestly mostly for myself but if you enjoy reading all this thats great!!

[guhamun]

THESE PERPLEXING FEELINGS SEEMED to grow all the more, such akin to a tangled web of things he couldn’t quite figure out. It was like trying to pull a butterfly from it, the process one that was painstaking, and, if not done properly, could only make things worse. Jiyan’s comfort in his presence was one he could never quite understand among other things, yet despite knowing of his reputation, of the whispered rumors that could either be true or false, he still seemed so at ease with him. But why him? That was a question he had asked himself countless times whenever he was with the general. In the beginning, he had not exactly been the friendliest individual. His words had often been curt, and his interactions with Jiyan, as small as they had been, were strictly business with him merely wanting to know what it was they wanted of him, and then leaving to see it done. He couldn’t figure out how they had even reached the point that they had, and each time he tried to see where their initial path had diverged, he was left feeling even more lost than he had before.

     Jiyan’s nuzzling of his hand – him instinctively knowing that this was not a gesture done towards anyone else, only made things that much worse. And so, to try and figure out his thoughts and feelings, he wanted to hear the other’s again as if that would help get rid of the fog that constantly hung over him. For whatever reason, there was something about listening to them that made it easier to slot puzzle pieces into place. Nothing was said on his end once more as he moved his hand back to his side; only that silence that came when his mind was working over everything he was hearing and seeing. ❝It’s not like you to make assumptions about others, Jiyan. Rather than assuming what I would say, why not merely ask me the questions you want answered and see from there? I can’t read minds. I may be good at figuring out if someone wants to gut me, but this…is something else entirely. I can't promise that anything I say will make much sense either, but I'd attempt.❞ For you, at least. He glanced away, gaze peering off into the distance where the sun shone its brightest.

     ❝If I have upset you in any way, whether now, or in the past, I apologize. My intention was never to make you feel like some insect under a magnifying glass.❞ What had he done that warranted their last statement? ‘I really wish you could extend me the same patience and empathy I have with you.’ What did that even mean? He was frustrated because he didn’t quite comprehend what in the world Jiyan was talking about, yet he wasn’t quite sure what questions he was supposed to ask to make it make sense. Was he…upset with Calcharo’s callousness towards his own potential death? Was it how he just casually moved on from it? In truth, he couldn’t quite understand being dear to anyone in the manner that Jiyan spoke of. It all circled back to ‘why him?’ Why? He huffed, a small, sigh slipping from him. ❝We seem to be two men who are deeply lost about one another as much as we are about our own emotions. It’s like dumping oil on water.❞ In other words, they wouldn’t get anywhere without proper discussion.

     He understood that much now. 

Calcharo had remained quiet the entire time he spoke, and Jiyan didn't know if that was a good thing or not. He could tell they were listening to him, but it made him nervous as well. But, when they reached out to touch his face... the new scales that temporarily appeared on his jaw, all doubt and nervousness he had felt until then melted. Golden eyes closed as he sighed, allowing himself to enjoy the other's touch, allowing himself to reach out for what he hungered for and lean onto their hand. It wasn't the type of thing that a general should be doing, but he didn't care for any of that right now.

He was happy. Calcharo was so close to him, they were touching him, they existed in this very moment at the same time as him. It made him relax and feel hopeful. It was funny, wasn't it? He was no stranger to hope. After all, hope was what kept him going every day, hope was what he tried to inspire on his fellow rangers, hope was something he would cling to till his last breath. He liked to think that he understood hope well enough. But, while the reason for that type of hope was as clear as water to him, the hopefulness he felt whenever he was with Calcharo wasn't as clear. He could tell it was there, he felt it, and he knew he was hoping for something, for more. But it was frustrating, as well, to not know what that more looks like.

And then Calcharo talked, and the illusion of all being well and on the right track shattered. Still, he couldn't help the brief and weak laughter that passed his lips. It wasn't funny but, at the same time, it was. Careful, he allowed himself to nuzzle the mercenary's hand before pulling away. "Calcharo, have I not been doing just that this whole time? I explained everything, every single time, so what else am I supposed to say?" It took him a while to notice it, but he eventually realized that he was a painfully honest man, one that ended up letting his honest thoughts and emotions slip with those close to his heart.

But they asked him to talk, even if it was abstract and nonsensical, so he was going to talk. "Just like you, I don't like feeling exposed and vulnerable. There are things I would rather keep to myself, things I wasn't planning to tell anyone, but when I'm with you... I don't know, it's so easy to be myself." A pause followed, hesitation showing on his features for a second before he shook his head. "But that doesn't mean I'm okay with being prodded like a test subject. Calcharo, what do you gain from me explaining everything again? What's the purpose of it? It doesn't aid you in any way, so why do you ask things of me you know you wouldn't answer if I asked them of you?" He was frustrated at himself and at Calcharo, which was terribly unfair to the latter, as he couldn't even explain why he was frustrated in the first place. He was making no sense and he hated it. This wasn't like him at all. So he just sighed and rubbed is temples, try to gather his thoughts and make sense of the mess of emotions he was feeling right then.

"I don't know what I'm hoping for. I don't know what I'm feeling or why I'm being like this. I don't know many things, and I'm still on edge because you could have died a few days ago, and I don't know what I would do without you, you have become so dear to me, I can't imagine a world without you in it. But, despite it all, it appears that the fact you nearly overclocked is the last of your concerns. It's confusing and frustrating for me too, and I understand that you must have a lot of questions. I have them too. But I really wish you could extend me the same patience and empathy I have with you."

[astrobei]

just filed an amendment to my taxes all on my own i am sweating and throwing up and covered in blood but i did it 🥳

[ganondoodle]

struggling again with extreme artblock and general demotivation (as in nothing seems fun or appealing and you sit around staring at nothing doing nothing bc apparently no matter what i do whether drawing or not drawing i end up like this now)

i started to watch skitties totk video (again) and wrote a big post about how much i hate how the gorons are treated there but saved it as a draft like i have been doing with several rants now in order to not spam people with it over and over

but it does end up feeling like talking to a wall and just kinda .. increasing this looming feeling of extreme loneliness i have been fighting with for .... since i left school really..