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merrodi · 2 years ago

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☆ Chocomimi Volume 6 English Translation / Chapter 1

Translated through phone scans and my limited knowledge of Japanese! I appreciate any and all corrections.

This series was a big part of my childhood but localization had stopped after volume five, so I’ve decided to translate as much as I can for fun. I hope someone out there enjoys!

link to purchase this book (japanese only)

Note: comments in italics are words spoken outside of the bubble. (comments in parenthesis are thought, not spoken) [comments in brackets are words contained inside a bracket]

This comic is traditionally read right to left, top to bottom.

(skipping over the character pages for now because they’re a lot to translate)

☆ Reading ☆

Choco: It’s autumn, the best season for reading! Choco: Guys, how about we all read books and write down our impressions of them?

Mumu: okay! Is a fashion magazine alright? Choco: Can you please choose something that has a story?

Mimi: okay! Is a shoujo manga alright? Choco: Could you please choose something that doesn’t have pictures?

Mikachin: okay! Is a Japanese dictionary alright? Choco: As long as you’re using it to write down your impressions…

☆ Recommended ☆ Mimi: Mikachin, I read the book you recommended~♡ (New universe theories)

Mikachin: Really? How was it? Mimi: (ehe) Difficult to get through, but interesting!

Mikachin: I see. Mimi, you’re very admirable. Mimi: (honestly, I didn’t understand any of it, but I’m glad I read it anyways)

Mumu: Woah, what’s with the difficulty in this? Mumu: I’m trying to read it, but it’s impossible.

Mikachin: Is that so? Mikachin: Should I explain to you the parts you don’t understand? Mimi: gasp!

Mikachin: Come over to my house after school today. there’s cake, too. Mumu: huh——- okay, sure. Mimi: ((I made a mistake!!)) how nice…

☆ The Next Day ☆

Mimi: Mumu-chan, did you go to Mikachin’s house yesterday? Mumu: hm? I did.

Mumu: The two of us read the book the whole time in Mikami-kun’s room. I got sleepy. Mimi: (just them alone in Mikachin’s room?!)

Mumu: Halfway through, I fell asleep. Mumu: Mikami-kun ended up giving me a piggyback ride to my house. He’s really kind, huh. Mimi: (A PIGGYBACK RIDE FROM MIKACHIN?!!??) AAAHHH….

Mimi: I’d also like to be an idiotic and inconsiderate human being… I envy Mumu-chan... sigh… Andrew: You’re already idiotic and inconsiderate enough.

☆ Girls ☆

Mikachin: Sometimes I just don’t get girls, y’know? Andrew: Huh? what happened?

Mikachin: on Snow White... Mikachin: If a stranger covered from head to toe in black offered you an apple… would you normally eat it? Witch: here, take this apple Snow White: oh dear

Andrew: I wouldn’t eat it. That’s way too suspicious. Mikachin: and Little Red Riding Hood, too… Mikachin: The wolf was pretending to be her grandmother in her house…

Mikachin: To not be able to tell the difference from a beast to a human… is that even possible? Red: Gramma, why are your ears so big? Andrew: That’s just how fairy tales are.

☆ Tears ☆

Choco: Speaking of emotional stories… Choco: Once in a while, I’m hit with the desire to really want to read one.

Mumu: I know what you mean! The more you cry, the better it is. Choco: Exactly! I have to read those alone, because tears end up falling from my face.

Mumu: Exactly! And that’s when I snap a pic of my crying face!

Mumu: I like verifying that my crying face is the cutest thing ever~ it’s the photo after I was reading Choco: Sorry, can’t relate to that whatsoever.

☆ Shoujo Manga ☆

Choco: Mimi, the manga you lent me is so interesting! I really relate to the main character. Mimi: The protagonist Shouko is really similar to you, Choco!

Choco: Isn’t the transfer student Shindou-kun also a bit like Ando? Choco: Her close friend Yumi is just like you, Mimi, and almost predictably, Matsuda-sensei is like Take-chan, too! (The manga she’s reading is called chocomint)

Mimi: [hehe… Choco doesn’t know this yet, but in volume five, Shouko and Shindou confess to each other and find out they have mutual feelings~] Shindou: please go out with me. Mimi: [and also, Yumi, the girl that Choco said looked like me]

Mimi: [confesses to her homeroom teacher, Matsuda-sensei] Matsuda-sensei: You moron! Matsuda-sensei: I’m going to use this triangle ruler’s 30-degree angle to stab you! Mimi: [that’s just horrible, honestly…] It seems so depressing...

☆ Bible ☆

Choco: Mimi, what book are you reading? Mimi: The “How to Be a Good Woman Book”! If you read it, you’ll become a wonderful lady!

Mimi: Ah, it’s essential that a good woman has an attractive lover! Mimi: I guess I’ll have to study up on the “How to Find a Great Boyfriend Book”.

Mimi: Ahhh… but there’s no doubt that a wonderful boyfriend would also be popular with the ladies… Mimi: I’ll have to research the "Affair Detection book”...

Mimi: sigh… and I’ll need to read the “Getting Back Up After a Broken Heart Book” after we split up from the cheating… I can’t get depressed now! Choco: ah... the only thing she’s learning is delusion…

Fashion tips section!

☆ Feelings ☆

Choco: Ando, have you read this too? It’s a book about understanding your pet’s feelings! I borrowed it from Mimi! Ando: nah, I don’t need it.

Choco: Ahh.. you already know whatever Picho’s thinking, huh. Ando: Not at all, but…

Ando: Even if we never reach understanding over an entire lifetime, it’s okay. Ando: If that’s how it is, then I’d be pleased just guessing as to how I can make her smile… thinking of my beloved companion day and night…

Ando: Isn’t that the key to continuing to love other people? Choco: What’s with your dialogue sounding like it’s coming from a master of love?

☆ Returning a Favor ☆ (this is based off a japanese tale called tsuru no ongaeshi)

Bambi: Like a crane who comes to return a favor, Picho turns into a human before your eyes! Bambi: What would you do?

[One night, Picho had opened the door and returned in the appearance of a beautiful maiden...] Picho: Good evening... Ando: That wouldn’t be bad…

Mikachin: Wait, Picho is a girl? I thought he was a guy this whole time. Bambi: Oh yeah, and Picho’s also a little kid. So instead…

Bambi: One night, Picho opened the door and had returned in the appearance of an elementary school boy with a shaved head! Ando: Absolutely not.

☆ Heroine ☆

[A great man’s entire life will remain in history through books.] [His story will be read by all.]

Jin: Wouldn’t it be nice if there were books about ordinary people, not just the greats? Jin: A book written about an ordinary person’s life from their birth up to their death!

Aoi: Would that be interesting to read about? Jin: There’s a chance it wouldn’t be interesting, and there’s a chance it wouldn’t have a happy ending…

Aoi: right? Aoi: (But, if it’s Jin-kun’s book, I might be interested in reading it...)

[If it’s Jin-kun’s book, then I think it’d definitely be happy.] Jin: look, that cloud is like taiyaki! [How many pages in it will I appear?]

Aoi: (No, it’s not how many pages… how many lines?…) Aoi: (Oh…I wonder if I’ll be able to make an appearance at all...) Jin: You know…

Jin: It’s fine if I end up not reading about Aoi-chan’s life.

Aoi: (I-is it…because it’d be so insignificant?!) Jin: or should I say, I wouldn’t have to go to the trouble of reading it.

Jin: Whatever happens in Aoi-chan’s life, my eyes will have seen ALL of it, so that’s why I wouldn’t need a book. Jin: We’ll be together forever, yeah?

Aoi: ........ Aoi: Forever?

Jin: Yep, forever. Aoi: Even when we become adults? Jin: Yup, foreverrrrr. Aoi: I see…

[Then, my book] Jin: look, that cloud is a heart-♥️ Aoi: You’re right. [Will surely have a happy ending.]

#chocomimi #chocomimi manga #translation #shoujo

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rebelspykatie · 11 months ago

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that green light, i want it

Part 6

They pull up outside of a nondescript home, a brown, simple thing with faint light peeking through the curtains. For once in his life, Eddie doesn’t say anything as he follows Steve up the driveway. The tension from before bubbling over, fear seeping into the night, putting them both on edge.

Eddie watches Steve carefully, more worried now about the toll this is taking on Steve. The green magic practically dancing at his fingertips, begging for a reason to be set free, one moment away from disaster. He can’t possibly be older than Eddie, but his youth is waning under the pressure, worry lines creasing his forehead and turning his mouth down at the edges, permanent frown unchanged outside of the brief moment Eddie made him laugh earlier.

Despite Eddie’s fear of what they could be stepping into, there’s a determination sinking in. It’s been a long time since he has felt that all encompassing desire to protect someone. Most people don’t give Eddie the time of day. High school flunky with a dead end job, living with his uncle for the rest of his life, it doesn’t really spell out a promising future. He’s had the same friends since high school and unless he wants to befriend the corpses Steve’s bringing to life, he’s not meeting anyone at work.

This is all terrifying and exhilarating in equal parts. His curiosity pulled him into some kind of quasi friendship with Steve that they speed ran their way into in a matter of hours. But something about Steve calls to Eddie. Perhaps it’s magic and he’s just an idiot that’s been spelled, but Eddie’s a pretty good judge of character and deep down, he knows that Steve is a good person.

It’s all become abundantly clear that Steve’s alone in this. He has Nancy, sure, but she’s his ex and she’s desperately trying to get answers for something that plagues them and this whole town. The weight of that is dragging them down, but Steve doesn’t seem to have a lot of people he can trust, given everything he told Eddie. His house was empty, no signs of life outside of Steve’s room. No pictures anywhere amongst the horrendous plaid, just one photo of him and Nancy, young and carefree. Who’s been taking care of him? Who’s been here to make sure he doesn’t lose control like Nancy?

Before Steve can use the key he’s pulled out, the door swings open with a flash of blinding red light. Eddie startles, reflexively gripping Steve’s jacket and pulling them backwards. Steve’s already moved in front of him, blocking Eddie from danger in a way that would probably have his heart racing if he wasn’t already scared shitless. But it also blocks Eddie from being able to see the threat, and Eddie’s sure it’s a threat given the unnatural light. It has to be the coven.

He peeks around Steve’s shoulder and sees a fairly ordinary looking man. Pale, with blond hair. Cheekbones that are all angles and a vicious, wide eyed glare that’s about the only unsettling thing about him besides the red magic swirling around. Otherwise, he looks normal, like he could own one of the houses on Steve’s street. He’s even wearing a crisp button down and slacks like a businessman. Or maybe a milkman. It’s disappointing.

It takes him longer to notice that Steve’s magic has kicked on. Hands flicking about, doing intricate dances that make the green flames flicker around them before a puff of magic swirls up in an arch over them and a glimmering forcefield comes down, faintly glowing green.

“Smart boy.” The man nods once in their direction. “I’ve taught you well.”

“I’ve learned a lot more than what you’ve taught me, Henry.”

Henry tilts his head to the side, his gaze calculating enough to give Eddie the creeps. “Seems you have. Our little protege thinks he can outsmart the master.” He pauses for a moment, eyes boring into Steve. “Did you think I wouldn’t know? That I wouldn’t notice the book missing from our library? That I wouldn’t catch wind of your naive little plan to save your friend and find out the truth?”

“If you know so much, why haven’t you killed me yet?” Steve throws back.

“All of you have walked right into my trap.” Henry smiles, head snapping back to upright, and that’s even more unsettling than the cold stare from before.

Steve hesitates, Eddie’s close enough to see the way his shoulders tense. Tentatively, he reaches out and places his hands there, silently letting Steve know he’s with him. Steve doesn’t take his eyes off of Henry, but he doesn’t shrug him off, either. Eddie feels him take a deep breath.

“You know, I wrote you off, Steven.” Steve bristles at that, shoulders tensing again under Eddie’s hands. He rubs a light circle onto his back, hopefully reassuring Steve. “Pretty little rich boy, come to save the day when his stupid girlfriend gets herself in too deep. I thought you’d run at the first sign of trouble, but no. You stuck around. Became a nuisance. I thought you were messing up my carefully laid plans. But you proved me wrong.”

“How?” Steve asks, voice wavering. Eddie squeezes his shoulder.

“You’re all just mindless rats in my maze, following the cheese I laid out.” That sickening grin now etched onto his face. “Your power is far more valuable to me than Barbara Holland and Nancy Wheeler. You don’t even know what kind of raw energy you possess. You’re not a witch.”

If Eddie were in Henry’s place, he’d probably see a crease forming between Steve’s brow, confusion setting in. “What? Yes I am.” He gestures to the forcefield around them, clearly conjured from Steve’s magic.

Henry shakes his head. “You’re a foolish child with no idea what you’ve gotten yourself into.” He starts pacing the porch, crawling along its edge like a lioness hunting their prey, eyes never leaving Steve. “Witches call upon spirits and study spells and incantations. But haven’t you noticed where your power comes from? Haven’t you noticed how different your power is from the rest of us?”

Eddie’s a bit lost in all this, but Steve is listening intently, barely breathing.

“All of the elders can see it. Anyone with half a brain and access to our library could’ve figured it out by now, you stupid boy.” He stops, right back where he started, perched on the edge of the porch. “You’re a druid. More powerful than you know. You can channel your power through nature. Didn’t you wonder why your control came so much quicker than hers? It’s because you’re of the earth.”

#stranger things #steve harrington #eddie munson #steddie #katie writes

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theultimatemercenary69 · 2 years ago

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Sonic and Infinite are so fucking GRAUGHHHHHHHH I want. To study them in a lab. I don’t know how to convey the emotions I feel for this dog and hedgehog so please bare with me

Before I start my bs I just wanted to say this post actually goes out to @neurotypical-sonic and uh @beloved-user (and maybe a few other people but those were the only 2 that I saw had said anything at the time of writing this) because they wanted to see this content in the world so shoutout to them for giving me the courage to post about these cringe fail mobians (I am the sonic and infinite psychoanalysis anon btw)

there’s so much under the cut please be careful also please be nice it’s 2 am and I’m very emotionally fragile

The fact that sonic and infinite are 2 sides of the same coin yet also thematic foils to each other is just sending me over the deep end I can’t take it ARGHHHHHHH (I am willingly taking it)

You’re probably asking “what the actual fuck are you going on about dude” and to this I raise you all of this entire post (you’re gonna regret asking)

A few things before I start, this is obviously gonna be Forces bullshit because I Bear The Curse™️also I’m only gonna be talking about the English version of the game because sadly I have not been able to play or see the japanese dub yet, I’ll do that later though

Also if there’s photos with shit quality, sorry, that’s on me

Ok autism activated let’s go

Let’s start with our obvious main man Sonic, the blue blur. I’m gonna start with something that irked a lot of people, and that is the fact that Sonic seemingly came out fine after being tortured for 6 months.

The thing is, he was absolutely not fine, at all, it was just so subtle that it was genuinely hard to tell, but once you notice, you continue to notice. The first thing you can see is that he is acting a lot more brutal I guess I could say???

I mean, look at the end of the Zavok fight, he beats the ever loving shit out of Zavok with his hands, not a few homing attack or spin dashes, his fucking hands, I don’t know how often that happens outside of games where the actual gimmick is hand to hand combat, but it seems pretty weird to me how he just keeps hitting Zavok and he just stares at him as he falls, panting and out of breath from how relentlessly he was attacking him

Second, he’s constantly talking about how he wants and will get revenge for what happened, he doesn’t let up that he’s going to get revenge, and I was actually kind of shocked when he started saying that I was kinda like “woah calm down buddy” (note, one of these screenshots is from the wiki because I couldn’t get the image from the game, also, these 2 are just from the cutscenes I could find, there’s so much more, this hog can hold so much malice and rage)

Third? Now this one is my favorite to talk about, because it really shows just how drastic Sonic and Infinite really are, the scene it occurs in is during the infinite fight with sonic and the avatar character, during the first stage where it’s just sonic

You may say “ok what’s special about the reskinned metal sonic fight?” sarcastically but this is a very important fact to me, and the fact is that Sonic just straight up implies to Infinite’s face that he’s gonna murder him!

The line he says is played off as a kinda joke, but the way Sonic says it is so genuine that it’s a little bit disturbing, it’s a fridge horror kind of moment where you look at the line, maybe giggle, but after a quick google you realize just how fucked the line is because of the inclusion of one word, one single word.

The word being “Epitaph.” An Epitaph being the phrase or words written on someone’s tombstone in memory of them.

Now, you may know what line I’m referring to if you’re like me and reply that fight alot, but if you don’t know the line that’s fine, I’m gonna explain it either way because it’s very important to me!

So the fight starts and the first lines said are these;

Infinite: What would you like your epitaph to read? How about “Here lies the blue buffoon”?

Sonic: Why not “Here dozes the masked clown”? Might as well make it for the person who needs one, right?

I think you can see where I’m going with this point, let’s move on now to the other point I wanted to make, which is also kind of a major tone shift from the point above

This point ties in with the “2 sides of the same coin” bit, but the point I want to make is that Sonic needed companionship to win. (Take a drink of water every time I write the word “companionship” or anything similar starting now, see how hydrated you get)

He needed the avatar character to support him throughout that fight, he needed the avatar & classic to help him defeat the eggman and ruby as well, he needed companionship.

This theme of him needing support and a companion is echoed through the very song that is the theme of forces, I am, of course, referring to Fistbump

AGGHHHH I LOVE FISTBUMP SO MUCH IT’S SO GOOD THEMATICALLY AND IT’S ALSO JUST A GOOD SONGi want you to know I’m snarling and biting and growling like a rabid animal but in a good way I’m sorry I just needed to say that real quick back to the point I was trying to make

Now, the first indication that Sonic needs companionship is that Fistbump is literally him “speaking” to the avatar character, the lyrics portray this perfectly, but I am going to stop myself before I go on a tangent about this song for too long, so next um dot point

The second indication he needs companionship using Fistbump is that it plays whenever he double boosts with the Avatar and during the level Null Space, the double boost is self explanatory, it’s them working together, they’re being friendly friends!

What people may not completely get is me bringing up Null Space, because, once again, there’s seemingly nothing special but there is. There is to me. In my heart. I love Null Space as well as the other stuff mentioned here because it ties into this insane bs I’m concocting for my viewing pleasure that just so happens to get to be on tumblr too!!

Null Space is a level where Infinite sends Sonic and, accidentally, the Avatar character to the level’s namesake, Null Space. Null Space is devoid of substance or life, it is the loneliest place you could ever be, but here Sonic and the Avatar are, the complete antithesis of such a concept, they are together, they are safe with each other, they are going to get out of there together.

And so they escape, and what is playing in the background as they do so? A version of Fistbump dedicated specifically to that level.

Before I can make the rest of my points, we have to talk about the elephant, er… jackal, in the room; Infinite.

Let’s start with a general thingy like we did with sonic, now, I’m not gonna go over his actions in game, they speak for themselves, I will, however, be talking about the implications of his actions; his morals, his values, all of that

First off let’s collectively discuss and by discuss I mean go ‘what the actual fuck is wrong with this dude’

It’s very clear that he’s just not a “good” person, he does morally frowned upon things like being a mercenary, of course, that’s one of the big ones, but the one that really fucks with me and makes me really wanna pick his brain is that despite Shadow being the one who hurt him, he immediately clicks to Sonic and the best way I can describe it is him going “i NEED to beat the ever loving shit out of that kid right now.”

Like, even during Episode Shadow, he still mentions Sonic with this personal malice that you don’t expect, stating that Sonic won’t be able to stop him, and it’s honestly just kind of weird tbh???

So he hates Sonic from the start, he gangs up on him, beats him to the point of unconsciousness, kidnaps him, is indirectly (at least) the cause of 6 months of torture, beats him again, tells him he’s not even worth killing, tries to kill him and the entire resistance by throwing the sun at them and then tries to kill him personally before Sonic can finally get the revenge he wanted.

So I’m sensing a lot of initially one-sided hostility between him and Sonic.

Another point is that his theme seems to be directed towards Sonic, it is mocking him, trying to tear down everything he establishes in Fistbump, stating that friendship will get you nowhere when you rely on it too much, asking who is going to save Sonic from Infinite when he is alone?

This is once again shown with how he interacts with Sonic, using Silver and Infinite’s little tussle as a comparison, yeah, Infinite throws an insult, but it’s as a collective, he says he’s happy to crush a hero to keep the “rabble” (the resistance) in line, but when Sonic appears it becomes very personal

He’s immediately on him, stating that Sonic is “back from the dead”, calling him the “little blue savior” and insisting he can smell Sonic’s fear, glad he’s left an impression, noting that Sonic is “still thrashing around”, in his own words.

He speaks to Sonic so personally, hell, he waits for Sonic to quit talking before tossing Sonic to another part of the jungle to fight him alone. He very well could have gotten rid of Silver and then dealt with Sonic, but he instead decides dealing with Sonic immediately is more important than Silver is. He even says that he will meet Sonic again after that fight.

he also threatens to smash Sonic into blue jelly. I just wanted to mention that because it’s funny that he specifically said he would smash him into BLUE JELLY

So it makes me wonder, what is this dude's issue??? Why is he so obsessed with Sonic? And then it kind of hit me. Sonic is the antithesis of everything he values and believes in, of course he’d be intrigued.

Or, alternatively, he’s intrigued because Sonic is just like him.

Yep, It’s the moment we’ve (me) all been waiting for! We’re finally discussing the “two sides of the same coin” point!

Sonic and Infinite are exact opposites but they are also the exact same! They both so desperately need support and companionship (I’ve covered Sonic’s need, but we can see how Infinite needs support and companionship with how he handles the loss of his squad), they both have the same kind of goal (change the world to be a place they would want to live in, good or bad), they’re both associated with the same people (Shadow and Robotnik)!

They are the exact same but they are exact opposites! They are each other’s foils but they complement each other so well, they are two sides of the same tarnished, damaged coin!

I LOVE SONIC FORCES SO MUCH WHY AM I LIKE THIS

Sonic and Infinite are what they could have been based on how they responded to their own struggles. Infinite could have very well been just like Sonic, dedicated to helping people because of what happened at Mystic Jungle, and Sonic could have very well been just like Infinite, lashing out and hurting everyone in his way because of any of the copious losses he’s been forced to deal with.

But they don’t, they become the person they are because of how they respond to their own struggles, trauma, losses and wins. And that’s the beauty of their characters.

Sonic and Infinite are foils to each other, it’s a point you can’t argue, but the reason they are foils to each other is because they are the same in some weird, messed up way.

But I wanted to add one more thing before I finish this off.

Infinite very well left an Impression on Sonic. Like it or not, somehow, someway, Infinite’s concepts and ideals imprinted on Sonic and it made him and his own problems worse. So much worse.

I won’t go into too much about that because that links to other things outside of solely Forces, so yeah, tangent done. Thank you for listening

#infinite the jackal #sonic forces #sonic the hedgehog #sth #sonic #infinite #long post #what else should I tag #Sorry if you didn’t want to be @‘d I just love shouting out people because they are cool #*slaps roof of jackal and hedgehog* these bad boys can hold so much trauma and also rage apparently #*also slaps roof of shadow. Idk why I just felt like I should considering we’re talking about forces*

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calidore · 8 months ago

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cyberpunk

a very short ateez fic

summary: Under the neon gaze of Seoul, two past lovers meet at a local convenience store; two lovers who promised they will find each other in their next life. As the night grows older the secrets they share become more intimate. Will they fall in love again or should their love die with the night.

i wrote this thinking about yunho, but his name is mentioned once, so really it can be about any member heavenly inspired by "cyberpunk" by ateez. i took some lyrics from it too no warnings, but my writing is very mundane. i focus more on the vibes than the plot it didn't turn out exactly how i invisioned it, but i hope you like it

ao3 link: cyberpunk - bonefire - ATEEZ (Band) [Archive of Our Own]

also, my submissions are open

Darkness falls over the city, but its reign doesn’t last long, as the neon lights accompany it in a chaotic dance. The silence spreads around, trying to paralyze the city, but with no success. At night, Seoul is more alive than ever, at least for the lost souls.

You finish your cigarette while watching over the movements of fellow night creatures and listening to the ring of the convenience store bell. The pack was almost half empty. You spot a dirty white cat eating from a can left by one of the diner employees. The diner was dimly lit, isolating four souls from the frozen night. You could tell that time passes differently inside the diner. The old gentleman, the couple and the chef were all laughing, exposing their souls to the sleeping audience from outside. The cold wind cuts your skin and suddenly you remember the childhood winter nights you spent watching plastic people inside snow globes enjoying their lifeless existence.

The cat finished eating and went back to its shelter, passing by an open window. You took a closer look and saw a highschooler with his headphones on, looking at the starless sky. It has been a while since you were able to see any stars. Their light has been replaced by the neon signs, which have made your sleepless nights even lonelier. One of them was flashing its green light in the boy's face, but he didn't seem bothered by it. It made him look less real, so maybe he felt that way too. You were wondering what could possibly keep him awake at this hour; he has a whole world in front of him. But then you remembered that worlds come in different sizes.

You light another cigarette and take your eyes away from the downtown city to look around yourself. The convenience store was busy and loud. A couple of drunk guys who only lay out their hearts at times like this, a stressed university student preparing for a sleepless night and a guy who doesn't belong here. You don't pay him much attention, even though he caught your attention with his mere presence, but it was enough for him to get closer to your spot.

"May I sit here?" he asks, pointing at the empty spot on the bench. You blow out the smoke while looking at him and nod. He sits down, looking at the city that spreads in front of him with empty eyes. "Does it make you feel like a god?" he asks and you look at him without turning your head, intrigued by the questions. It takes him a while to continue, either trying to gather his thoughts or waiting for an equal half spoken answer. "Sitting like this, watching over the city, feeling like you know its entire fate, yet nothing at all?"

You try to catch a glimpse of the man next to you without looking directly at him. You are certain that you have never seen him before, but something about him, his presence, his existence, feels like you have met before. It feels like something that refuses to be forgotten.

"Being a god is a very lonely and dreadful job." you answer without thinking too much, which is out of character for you. Another one of your cigarettes leaves the pack.

"It's like watching a black and white photo with some splashed neon paints. A controlled reality in which life, inevitably, loses its meaning." Your eyes were still watching the people walking down the street. Even though their faces were hidden in the night, you could tell that no one smiles.

You listen closely to the description he gives of this fake view of the city. He is right, if it wasn’t for the lights that lose their paths, it would look like a black and white photo.

But the noise of the city tells another story. Dozens of people wander around when their sanctuary is in this state. The night dilutes time, giving some comfort to the lonely souls. Everything around you feels manipulated, the sky, the stars, even the time. You couldn’t tell what is true anymore.

"Each one of these people is asking questions you do not have the answer for. No wonder your existence would be doubtful." You say, while watching a group of young adults entering a club.

The stranger takes a look at you, then turns his eyes back to the city.

“What do you think is her question?” He points at a window where you could see a woman. She was writing something, pausing from time to time to look at the neon sign of an electronics shop.

“She has a hole in her chest.” you whispered, because anything louder would not sound like a confession. You couldn’t tell why, but this man made you feel like you could tell him anything, because he would understand it better than you. He made you feel like you could give him your heart and he would take care of it for you. But you didn’t have one, so those promises didn’t distinguish from lies.

He listens to you, waiting for you to continue your thought.

“She should fill it. But not with something less holy than her own heart or she will never feel whole again.”

“Something like what?”

Both of you admire the woman. Her misery has mesmerized you because it felt so sincere and personal. You realize why gods do not interfere with humans. It makes their immortality much harder to endure.

“Her lover’s unspoken secret,” you answer.

He looks at you confused, probably hoping for a different answer.

“Why not her lover’s heart?”

“Hearts change. Unspoken secrets don’t. They are more reliable.” you answer.

“It seems like you have lots of answers.”

You turn your head and finally face the stranger. He was tall, wearing a black coat. You try to analyze his appearance more, but your eyes are locked on his. They were strangely shiny in the dead of night.

"Who are you?" you finally ask him, but you are not sure you are prepared to hear the answer.

"Who am I?" he asks you back, surprised by your question.

You can’t shake off the feeling this man gives you. His presence felt too familiar, like you have known him for a lifetime, but you are sure you have never met him before.

He chuckles at your confused look, but he sounded tired, defeated. “I’m Jeong Yunho.” He offers you his hand and you shake it slowly.

You sit there, looking over the city in silence. It felt more comfortable than lying.

At the first sign of dawn, the man gets up and says his farewells:

"I am glad we have met again." he bows in front of you.

You were surprised by his words, but you don't pay too much attention to them, thinking he might've misspoken.

"You are leaving already?" you ask him, trying to keep your voice from breaking. You could feel the hole in your chest growing.

"I have to,” he pauses for a moment, staring at you, "but I hope we'll meet again." He smiles at you, but you notice how empty his eyes look. Your gazes are locked on each other for a while, neither one wanting to look away, afraid that the other will disappear.

You involuntarily take your eyes away from him to look at the city that is about to wake up, but when you turn around to take a final glimpse at him he's already gone.

You look back at the harmonious streets where nothing blooms. You see a post clock and notice that it's not working. Time has lost its meaning. Past and future merge into each other. This city has drained you of all your feelings and, just like the smoke from your cigarette, they now spread over it, veiling it. It’s a city made of lies and stolen feelings, no wonder you find such comfort in its silent state.

You take another cigarette from the almost half empty pack. You take another look at the sleeping city as you slip back into time.

#ateez #ateez yunho #ateez fanfic #ateez x reader #ateez hongjoong #ateez seonghwa #ateez mingi #ateez san #ateez yeosang #ateez wooyoung #ateez jongho #old lovers #ateez angst #ateez cyberpunk

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rea-grimm · 18 days ago

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Without Illusion 3

It had been about two weeks since Loki revealed the truth when the news revealed that more characters had emerged from the sea. This time, however, it was the King himself, with the Queen, Thor and a clear statement. They wanted their son and Thor's brother back.

You're thinking of flying away for the time being for a vacation until things calm down. At least that was the plan, but you didn't have time to carry it out.

You were almost ready to leave when there was a knock on your and Loki's apartment door. You peeked through the peephole and noticed it was your friend Jane.

"Jane? What are you doing here?" You asked, opening the door. The last you saw of her she was leaving to do her research. Before she could answer you, however, Thor pushed you aside and entered your apartment with the others.

"Hey, you can't come in here!" you tried to shoo them away, but Jane held you back. "Let go of me!" You snapped at her, slipping out of her hand. You burst into the apartment only to see Loki being gagged and handcuffed.

You wanted them to let him go, to release him, but your pleas fell on deaf ears. None of Loki's family even spoke to you, and they just looked at you with contempt.

When they took him away, Jane tried to apologize, but you wouldn't hear another word from her. You didn't even trust her nose between your eyes. Your friendship ended with that moment.

Loki was taken back to the underwater golden palace, where he was condemned by his father and imprisoned in a dark and cold part of the palace.

The only one who visited him there was Frigga, who brought him books. But every time she came there, Loki refused to speak to her. She noticed that her son hadn't touched a single book she had brought him or anything else he had there.

Mostly, she saw him lying on the bed, projecting a picture of you and him together using the spell. But she noticed that when she watched him from the sidelines.

Loki never talked about you in front of the others, and he never showed any pictures of the two of you. But as she saw him looking at the photo, she could see the longing on his face.

Even though Loki was in jail, Frigga didn't want him to suffer so much. Sure that was the purpose of prison, but he was still her son after all. Even though he was adopted, she thought of him as her own.

She wanted to find out more about you and how you changed her son in one year. Even though she had a pretty good idea what caused it.

But she needed Odin's approval to go ashore. She told him she wanted to find out if you were under the spell or not.

She was able to convince her husband so well that he sent her on land, accompanied by Thor, to get you out of the spell at the worst.

Jane led them to your door, but you refused to open it. You didn't even speak to them. You were still angry with Jane and the others and wanted nothing to do with them.

But that didn't deter Frigga and she decided to change her tactics. She waited outside your door until you opened it.

Just as you stepped outside to go shopping, Frigga joined you and started talking to you. At first you ignored her and told her to go to hell before you started talking to her, since you found out she wasn't that bad and she was trying to help Loki.

After Frigga found out you weren't under any spell, that's where you started asking questions. You also wanted to know why they took him away.

"Loki has killed 80 people in the past and nearly started a war between our worlds.

He escaped and had no punishment," she explained.

"And then I met him... " you said when you figured it out. It was true that when you met him, he was very cautious and kept to himself.

After all that, his mother suggested that she take you to see him. She would take you unnoticed to the underwater kingdom of Asgard and you would have the chance to see him again and talk to him. You didn't need to hear more and you agreed.

Frigga used magic to create an air bubble that you crawled into, protecting you from the cold of the ocean and providing you with air. She also disguised the bubble so that you could walk past the guards straight to Loki's prison, which was located all the way at the end of the prison.

Despite the protective bubble, you felt the chill of the surrounding water and pulled your sweatshirt closer to your body.

Moreover, she had disguised you to see her son's reaction. She wanted to surprise him with your visit.

She greeted him and asked him to cancel the illusion he'd cast on his cell. You had no idea what she was talking about, since nothing else about him seemed to matter.

"Why should I cancel it, mother, when you use it yourself? Is Odin not going to let you in here and you have to send the illusion instead?" He asked bitingly. Frigga replied, but that only pissed Loki off more.

She had just opened her mouth to say something to him when he cancelled the illusion. A green blast ran through the whole thing, revealing the chaos that was there. Things in the room were scattered, but what caught you off guard the most was Loki himself.

The prince had deep blue skin and an equally blue tail. You instantly remembered the moment he poured cold lemonade over himself. Another striking feature was his ruby red eyes, which shone like gems in the dark surroundings, but were framed by dark circles underneath.

"You'd better pull yourself together, since I brought you a visitor," she said fearlessly.

"Then Odin shouldn't have put me in the coldest place in all of Asgard," he replied dismissively, seemingly uninterested in any visitors.

"Unfortunately, your father ordered it."

"He's not my father," he snapped.

"Then I am not your mother."

"You are not," he replied in a hard voice, but there was a certain pain in it. Frigga paused for a moment at that, and you could see how those words hurt them both.

"I brought you your Earth girl, but I see you're not in the mood for visitors," she said, using a spell to erase the disguise and reveal you in a bubble.

You saw Loki startled by the gesture and his gaze focused on you. You saw his gaze glaze over for a moment before he crossed his arms over his chest.

"Feel free to cancel your illusion. As if you actually brought Y/N here. I expected a lot, but not this kind of torture from you. Though I have to admit, you really pulled off this illusion," he commented.

"It's not an illusion," she replied calmly. This did not convince him. He compared you in the bubble to the way he remembered you. How beautiful you were in his eyes, his earthly queen. His words stung and warmed your heart at the same time. Finally, you'd had enough and decided to speak.

"Then I don't know whether to be angry or flattered. Although after a month of not seeing you, I thought I'd expect a different kind of welcome," you said, crossing your arms.

"Y/N?" He said in surprise, as if your voice was proof enough that it was really you. He immediately used a spell to cover his blue skin and adjusted himself a little. He couldn't believe his eyes and touched the barrier of his cell to get closer to you.

Frigga arranged an air capsule room for you where you had your privacy. You waited there until the door opened and Loki walked in. He now looked as you remembered him and had legs. He had a bedspread over his shoulders that now made him look like a real prince.

You didn't wait for him to come to you, but immediately jumped to your feet and threw yourself into his arms. You squeezed him as if to make sure it was real.

Loki hugged you too, before he cupped your face, making you look at him. You were so happy to see him again that tears welled up in your eyes.

"I was afraid I wouldn't see you again," you said before you kissed him. Loki mumbled something against your lips and pulled you even closer to him, as if he wanted your body to meld with his.

When Frigga came to check on you after some time, she found you both curled up on the bed in each other's arms. It warmed her heart to see her son, even an adopted one, open up to someone like that.

She carefully closed the door again and went to her husband, where she convinced him to send Loki and you back to earth. She even vouched for the two of you. Odin hesitated for a moment, but finally agreed.

You were thrilled to be able to return to earth in your apartment with the prince. You even got a new little beach house. Sure it was partly to keep an eye on you, but you could live with that.

Plus, it was a private place where Loki could move freely in the water and where no one disturbed you. Except for the regular family visits from the ocean. Either they came to you, or you looked underwater with the aid of an air bubble.

1, 2, 3

#Without lllusion #loki #loki laufeyson #loki x reader #merman loki #merfolk loki #merman

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sjsmith56 · 10 months ago

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Life Changing, Chapter 6 - Eyes of the Father

Summary: Lacey’s pregnancy progresses well. When she goes into labour Steve shows up to see her through it. A bag of fan mail for her latest book includes a special letter.

Length: 4.7 K

Characters: Lacey, Laura, Clint, Steve.

Warnings: description of childbirth

Author notes: The picture referred to was a picture of Bucky taken at the Bucharest market. His vulnerability was evident in the photo and it’s kind of hinted that it may have influenced Clint to help.

<<Chapter 5

🚜 🤰📨

It didn't take long for Lacey to tell Laura Barton everything. Her calm and kind nature impressed Lacey immediately as did her assurance that if Lacey stayed there long enough to have her baby that they would both be looked after. After being stressed while trying to stay safe and worrying about the future of her baby it felt good to have a motherly type looking out for her.

Her own mother hadn't been helpful when Lacey returned home to Wilmington, Pennsylvania for her brother's funeral. Still blaming Lacey for not preventing her brother Tom from leaving had caused a rift between her mother and herself. Even the presence of her oldest brother Terry and her sister Nancy hadn't tempered her mother's anger at her. Nancy had been sympathetic but because of her own emotional issues over her divorce wouldn't stand up to their mother. Terry, who had brought his entourage with him told her to stop being a selfish brat and apologize. As soon as Tom was buried Lacey packed up and left, leaving a note for her mother that made it clear they had nothing more to discuss. She drove to Philadelphia, rented her furnished bachelor apartment and sold her car, discarding the last piece of property that could be legally linked to her.

She poured all of this out to Laura Barton in the day after her arrival in a catharsis that seemed to last for hours. Laura listened patiently realizing that Lacey had kept this bottled up for weeks. She was exactly what Lacey needed, a sympathetic ear with no connection to her, who wouldn't judge her for things out of her control. Once Lacey had it out of her system she found her fears subsided and she was able to look forward to staying on the Barton farm for the near future.

The following day Clint landed the quinjet on the farm and brought the rest of the Avengers inside the house after the disaster of their mission in South Africa. As Laura came out and was introduced to the team Lacey held back for several minutes before coming out of her room and down the stairs.

"Hey guys," she said, raising her hand in greeting. "Surprise."

Natasha and Steve hugged her affectionately while the others expressed astonishment at finding her there.

"She needed a safe place to hide while we went on our mission," said Clint. "This place is off the books so I offered to hide her here with my family. You can still stay here Lacey, as long as you need to."

"Thanks, Clint," replied Lacey. "I'll consider that. I talked Laura's ear off yesterday and I wouldn't be surprised if she's already had enough of me."

"You can stay as long as you want," repeated Laura. "You needed to unload and I was happy to listen."

As the others milled around and Lacey looked closely at their faces she realized that something disturbing had happened to the team. Thor left almost immediately and Steve went outside to work off his frustration by splitting logs. Tony joined him and she watched from the steps as no one else seemed willing to tell her what had happened. Even Clint was unusually quiet about what went down, telling only Laura. When Laura asked Tony to get their tractor working Lacey approached Steve.

"What happened to you out there?" she asked. "You all seem shaken."

He sighed and looked at her, debating how to describe it. "We had our minds messed with," he finally replied. "A girl, maybe 18, with the ability to enter our minds and show us things that shook us. She showed me a future that I wanted, with a woman that I loved during the war but never told her. The others had more disturbing visions. Only Clint's intervention saved us. Ultron also got control of a large amount of vibranium ... enough to make a very big weapon that could cause an extinction level event. So yeah, we are shaken. We failed."

"I'm sorry," she said. "What will you do?"

"Find where he is and try again," he said. "What choice do we have?"

Tony appeared at the door and called Steve in for a meeting. Turning towards the house Steve put his hand lightly on Lacey's back, wanting her to be part of it. Inside was Nick Fury, who looked briefly at her but gave no indication they had met on her flight to the farm. He encouraged the Avengers to come up with a plan to stop Ultron explaining there was no one else capable of handling it. It must have hit a chord with them because they made the decision to return to Stark Tower and determine where Ultron had disappeared to. As they made preparations to leave Steve sat with Lacey on the couch.

"Are you coming with us?" he asked, looking intently at her.

"No, I'm going to stay here," she answered. "I feel at peace here. Laura's been a mom twice and is expecting her third. I feel like there's a lot I can learn from her on being a mom. When you beat Ultron, you get hold of me and ask me again. I'll decide then."

He hugged her. "Look after yourself," he said. "I don't have much family. Just Bucky, you and the baby."

"That's what Natasha said," replied Lacey. "That's good because I kind of broke it off with the rest of my family. They weren't giving me much support."

Steve hugged her again and stood up, smiling at her before he left the house. Lacey and Laura went out onto the porch and watched the quinjet take off and fly into the twilight. Then Laura turned to her.

"Tomorrow I see my obstetrician," she said. "I'll introduce you to him. We have to keep you healthy, don't we? Fury gave me some new IDs for you and a wedding band to wear if you want it. Your name is now Lacey Chapman. I hope that's okay."

"It's fine," said Lacey. "I'm not sure I ever want to use the Williams name again. If I can get published under the new name then I'll be good. Except maybe I'll use my initials. L.C. Chapman. What do you think?"

"Lots of authors use pseudonyms," replied Laura. "It will work out."

The next day Lacey met the obstetrician and he agreed to take her on as a patient. Her first appointment was set up for the following week. When the women returned to the farm she helped Laura can some fruit and vegetables. They laughed and talked of all manner of things and by the end of the day Lacey felt gloriously tired and slept well. It was several days before they heard anything from the Avengers and that was only when Laura got up to start the coffee and smelled Clint's aftershave. She turned around and saw him there. He embraced her, announcing he was done, retiring. Lacey came downstairs and hugged him as well, after learning what had happened. She was sorry to hear of the death of the young man who had saved Clint's life, knowing it had shaken him. She was also sorry to hear that Bruce Banner had disappeared in his Hulk persona and they had no idea where he was. Then Clint turned to her and gave her more news.

"They've moved the Avengers out of Stark Tower and into a secure compound in the countryside," he said. "Steve and Natasha are taking over training for some new recruits. He wrote a letter to you. I don't know what it says but no matter what you can stay here. I can build you a suite for you and your baby. It won't take long."

Laura rolled her eyes at that pronouncement but she repeated the offer. Lacey thanked them both and went to her room with the letter, opening it and sitting on her bed. She smiled, seeing Steve's penmanship was as nice as Bucky's. They were definitely a product of their time.

Dear Lacey,

By now you know the results of our battle with Ultron. We lost some people but we were able to prevent him from destroying the world. Natasha and I will be training our new recruits and I expect to be very busy here. You are welcome to come and live here with us but I will understand if you choose to stay at Barton's farm. You seemed much more relaxed there than you ever were in Stark Tower.

I meant what I said about you being family. If you choose to stay there I want you to call me when you're in labour and I will be at your side, helping bring your baby into the world. I owe you and Bucky that much. I will visit when I can. Until I see you, know that I think of you two often. The search for him will continue, I promise.

With the highest regards,

Steve

Lacey choked up a little bit. Steve was right. The farm felt familiar and comfortable. She wasn't sure she would fit in at the Avengers compound. Right then and there she decided to stay with the Bartons. When she told them of her decision they both hugged her and assured her they would make it work. Just at that moment Laura felt a twinge in her back. Clint noticed it and looked at her with concern, then made sure she laid down for a while. A few hours later she called him to say it was time and Lacey told them to go, that she could look after the kids. When Clint returned a few hours later and confirmed that his son Nathaniel had been born Lacey felt even more sure that this was the place she needed to be.

Over the next few months Clint was as good as his word. He built a suite, with its own bathroom for Lacey and her baby. Lacey insisted on paying him for his work but he refused, saying it would become their new bedroom if and when she moved. He built a cradle while Laura sewed bedding for it. Lacey had an ultrasound at four and a half months that confirmed it was a boy. That evening she laid in her bed and looked at the ultrasound picture then touched her abdomen. She imagined Bucky lying behind her, spooning so he could have his hand on her belly. They would look at the picture together and kiss at the prospect of their son. Try as she might she couldn't keep the tears away and she pulled a pillow close as she wept, wondering if she would ever see Bucky again.

When she told Steve he did visit and brought a box of boy things for the baby. She showed him the ultrasound picture and he told her how thrilled Bucky would have been at the technology behind it. At five months of pregnancy Lacey received an acceptance letter from a publisher for a manuscript she had submitted through her literary agent. They offered her a sizeable advance and asked her to come to New York to work with the editor. She declined, citing agoraphobia. Instead she asked if they could it edit it together online. After some back and forth with her agent as intermediary they agreed and Clint showed her how to hide their location on the computer so they couldn't be tracked. She worked with the editor for a week and they both were happy with the resulting manuscript. The editor brought up her author picture asking if they could send a photographer to take her picture. Muting her for a moment Lacey ran to get Clint.

"What do I tell her?" she asked. "I said I had agoraphobia and that I couldn't leave the house. But we can't have a strange photographer coming here either."

"I know a photographer in town," he replied. "Ask if you can provide your own professional headshot. I trust him to come out. He can take pictures of the baby and the kids. It's been a while since we had a portrait done."

Lacey ran back to the computer and unmuted the editor. "I have a photographer that I'm comfortable with," she said. "He's a professional. Can I get him to do a headshot and then send it to you electronically?"

"I don't see why not," said the editor. "I'll find out what their settings are for a photograph and email that to you."

"Thank you," said Lacey. "It's been so hard dealing with this disorder and I know it's made extra work for you. I'm so pleased that you've accommodated me."

"Well, your novel is worth it," said the editor. "I'll get that information to you as soon as possible."

Two days later the photographer came out and took pictures of the family then set up for head shots of Lacey. Clint introduced her as his cousin. He took several poses and asked what format she needed to send to her publisher. After confirming he could do it he said he would email them to her within a couple of days. When he did she sent them on to the publisher and left it to them which one they wanted. Clint set her up with a post office box a few towns away and they used that as her mailing address, knowing that the publisher would be sending out galley copies for her approval.

At seven months into Lacey's pregnancy the publisher announced the publication date of her second published book The Woolf Howled. They sent her a link to their website where it was described as a fictional account of a troubled young woman who found solace in the writings of Virginia Woolf. When she began to identify too strongly with Woolf and started to imitate her life she realized she lost herself to the mythology of the author and had to fight to regain her sanity. One critic who had reviewed a galley copy called it a bold re-imagination of the life and death of the famed author written for a modern audience. Another called it a harrowing account of losing oneself in the life experiences of another person. The book came out when Lacey was 8 ½ months pregnant. A week later she went into labour and Clint phoned Steve before he drove her to the hospital. Steve flew a quinjet to the hospital, which Clint flew back to the house, leaving Steve his truck keys. He entered the maternity wing and told the receptionist he was there to be the support for Lacey Chapman. Realizing she recognized him he asked her not to spread it around that he was there as Lacey was a very good friend whose husband, his best friend, was missing. Smiling nicely at her she agreed to keep his visit quiet then led him to where he could change. A nurse came for him and he entered the delivery room.

"Hi sweetheart," he smiled when he entered. "I told you I would be here for you. How far along are you?"

"8 cm," she said, as another contraction started. He held her hand as she breathed through it. "It shouldn't be long before I can start pushing. Are you sure you want to be here for this?"

"I'm sure," he said. "I owe it to you and Bucky. Have you come up with a name yet?"

"I want to name him Thomas James," she said. "Thomas is my brother's name, the one that was murdered."

Steve nodded. "I think Bucky would like that," he said. "You okay with me calling him Tommy?"

She smiled then grimaced as another contraction started. Steve grasped her hand again as she breathed through it. For half an hour he told her stories of growing up with Bucky that made her smile and laugh. When a contraction happened he held her hand and helped her breath. After checking her cervix the nurse assigned to her told her that it was almost time to start pushing and she would advise the doctor. Lacey looked at Steve and started to cry.

"What's wrong?" he asked gently.

"I wish it was Bucky that was here," she admitted. "I'm glad you're here but it should be him."

"I know," he replied sympathetically. "If we had found him I would have brought him here myself. I know you wanted to wait to tell him but he would have wanted to be here as well."

Another contraction started and this one overwhelmed her making her cry. Steve did his best to calm her and the nurse ran in, hearing her cries from the hallway.

"The doctor will be here right away," she soothed. "He's just scrubbing in. I'm here to help you deal with these final contractions. They're doozies, aren't they?"

Lacey nodded and Steve wiped her tears away gently. When the next one started the nurse told her to pant and not to stop until the contraction eased. Then the obstetrician entered and put on his gown and gloves. He and the nurse talked Lacey through the next contraction and another then announced the baby's head was crowning. As the head was born after she pushed on the next contraction Lacey panted as if her life depended on it. They suctioned the airways and then asked for another push to birth one shoulder. Turning the baby slightly the other shoulder came out followed by the rest of the baby. Lacey cried out in gladness then watched as the doctor rubbed the baby's back. When the baby cried out the doctor laid him on her abdomen. Hesitantly she touched him and started to cry when he looked at her. When the umbilical cord had stopped pulsing the doctor offered Steve the scissors to cut it and he refused.

"I'm just the father's best friend," he explained. "He's missing. You cut it doc."

The doctor cut it and explained they were going to examine him, wrap him up and put a cap on him then they would bring him right back. Steve hugged Lacey.

"Did you see that hair?" he exclaimed. "That's Bucky's hair. He's beautiful, Lacey. Bucky would be so proud of you."

"I can't believe I did it," said Lacey. "That was so hard but once he was born it was like all the pain just went away."

"I'll pass on the word to Tony and Natasha that you've had the baby," said Steve. "I'm sure you'll be receiving something from them."

"No word on Bruce yet?" she asked.

"Nothing," replied Steve. "It's like he disappeared off the face of the Earth."

"I hope he's okay," she said. "Hard to reconcile that gentle man with ... you know."

"I know," replied Steve.

They brought Tommy back to her and Lacey looked at Steve. "This is where I get to breast feed him," she said. "I don't mind if you stay. I mean, you are his godfather ... you know that, right?"

"Thank you," blushed Steve. "If you're okay with me being here I would like to stay for a little longer."

The nurse showed Lacey how to offer the breast to the baby and get him to latch on. Steve stayed, while averting his eyes as she and the nurse worked out the logistics. When Tommy finally started successfully nursing he put his hand on Lacey's shoulder.

"You'll be a great mother," he said softly.

After assisting Lacey with the feeding and the afterbirth, the nurse announced she would be moved to a hospital room soon. Lacey asked if he wanted to hold Tommy before she was moved and he smiled, then let the nurse show him how to do it. Steve kissed him on the head and stood up walking around with the baby for several minutes, talking softly to him.

"I have to go," he said reluctantly after his time with the baby. "I wish I could stay longer."

"It's okay," replied Lacey. "Clint and Laura will take care of us. Thank you for being here."

He gave Tommy back then bent over and hugged her, kissing both of them on the head. Leaving the room, he changed out of the scrubs and drove Clint's truck back to the farm. Laura made him something to eat and he told them about the birth. He also filled them in on what was happening at the Avengers compound. His face must have shown something as Clint looked sharply at him.

"What else is going on?" he asked.

"There are rumours that the Avengers are going to be put under the control of the United Nations," said Steve. "The feeling is that we have too much freedom to go on missions and that we're not capable of determining which missions require our attention. They want an oversight committee to decide for us."

"That's bullshit," said Clint. "Sometimes you have minutes to get out there. You can't be waiting for an oversight committee to decide for you."

"Exactly," said Steve. "Tony is really pushing for it. It's caused some friction between us. If we don't agree to it then we have to retire."

"Good thing I'm already retired," replied Clint. "Keep us posted. Any word on Lacey's situation?"

"I had a visit with the FBI agent in charge of her brother's case," said Steve. "I didn't say anything to her as the guy is a bit of a jerk. He demanded to know where she is. Apparently he still thinks she's planning to meet up with Bucky somewhere. I told him she's in seclusion. There is still a powerful Russian criminal who wants to make an example of her."

"She stays with us, then," said Barton firmly. "Poor kid."

Steve finished eating and stood up. He thanked Laura for the meal and walked outside with Clint to the quinjet.

"This UN thing is going to get messy," said Steve. "It could tear us apart."

"You know, I respect Tony," said Clint. "But when he gets on his high horse he just doesn't see anyone else's point of view. I guess that's what happens when you're a genius."

Steve didn't respond but he did shake Clint's hand and the latter man watched as the quinjet rose into the sky and flew off. He was well out of it and glad that he was. His life revolved around his family now and he liked being a farmer.

Neither Clint nor Laura said anything to Lacey about the FBI agent or the problems at the Avengers compound. It was just as well as she was consumed by baby Tommy and by the response to her book. With Laura's guidance Lacey learned how to be a mom. Never in her life did she think she could ever love someone as much as she loved this baby. As Tommy's eye colour came in and the bright blue of his father's eyes developed she was glad she decided to proceed with the pregnancy. When she wasn't looking after him she was learning how to be a farmer, insisting that she earn her keep. Clint taught her how to drive the tractor and how to plant crops, sharing everything he knew about running a farm.

In the meantime Lacey's book was selling reasonably well, even internationally as foreign language editions were published. The post office two towns away called to say she had fan mail that needed to be picked up. Clint drove out to get it and brought back a mail bag full of letters. Lacey was flabbergasted. Her first book had some good reviews but she never received a single fan letter and made only the minimum from the first and only print run. She began to read some of the letters and was touched by the sentiments in them. Realizing that some of the writers had poured their hearts out to her she began to answer the letters, writing responses on her laptop, printing them off, signing them and sending them off.

One morning when Tommy was almost eight months old Clint came up to Lacey's room and knocked on the door. She opened it to his grim face.

"You better come downstairs," he said. "There's something on the TV that you should see." Picking Tommy up she followed him to where Laura was watching a news channel. "There's been an incident in Nigeria. The Avengers were trying to stop a HYDRA cell from stealing a biological weapon. It went wrong and there was an explosion that killed several people. They're blaming the Avengers for it and actually want to arrest one of them, Wanda. She's just a kid."

"What will it all mean for them?" asked Lacey.

"They want to put the Avengers under the control of an oversight committee," said Clint. "It means they can't respond to anything without someone's say so. You know yourself that sometimes the fight comes to them. They wouldn't even be able to defend themselves without permission."

"How are the team taking it?" she asked. "Have you heard anything?"

"Steve told us when he was here for the birth that it was rumoured then and it was causing friction," replied Clint. "I can't see it getting better."

Lacey watched the coverage for some time until they all decided to turn it off. She decided to answer some letters and dug into the latest mail bag. After answering six letters she pulled out one more and looked at her name written on the envelope. The writing was familiar and she opened the envelope noticing a picture fall out face down on the floor. Picking it up she gave out a cry and Clint came running.

"What is it, what's wrong?" he asked.

"Bucky," she whispered. "He wrote me a letter."

Clint looked at the picture seeing a long haired man with bright blue-grey eyes and unshaven face. He glanced at Tommy, noticing the eyes of the father were the same as the boy's. The longer he looked at the picture of Bucky the more he realized he was looking at a man trying to find himself. He seemed vulnerable and alone. Lacey was reading the letter, her face absorbing every word. Then she looked up at Clint.

"He saw a poster of me in the window of a book store," she said, her voice tight. "He bought my book and read it. He's proud of me for persevering in my writing and hopes that I'm happy."

"Where's the envelope postmarked?" he asked.

She looked at the marking on the envelope. "Romania," she replied. "He must be there. We have to tell Steve."

"I will," said Clint firmly. "Is there anything else in the letter that gives a hint where in Romania?"

Lacey scanned it again while Clint looked closely at the picture to see if any landmark stood out.

"Nothing, except that he goes to a large market in the centre of the city," she noted. "He says city, not town or village."

"Could be Bucharest," guessed Clint. "HYDRA might have had abandoned safe houses there that he could hide in."

Clint left to contact Steve while Lacey studied the picture. Bucky's hair was still long but he looked almost the same. The biggest difference from when she last saw him was he seemed tired and sad in the picture. She picked Tommy up and walked outside with him. Looking out over the farm she lowered her face to Tommy's and breathed in his baby smell. He reached out with his hand and touched her face. Somehow they would find Bucky, and unite father and son. Somehow they would be a family.

That night she laid in bed, looking more closely at Bucky's picture. His eyes seemed haunted and she wondered who had taken the picture that caught him in such a vulnerable pose. She focussed on his beautiful lips, remembering them on her own and wondered if she would ever feel them on her again. After a few more minutes gazing at him she put the picture in her nightstand drawer and turned off the bedside lamp. Wishing on a picture wouldn't find him, nor would it bring him back to her. Only fate would do that.

Chapter 7>>

Series Masterlist

Please support the author by reblogging. Comments are appreciated.

#bucky barnes #bucky barnes fanfiction #buckybarnes original female character #steve rogers #clint barton #laura barton #childbirth #buckyontherun

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rideroftheoctocorn · 2 years ago

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Maybe this is my “I’m from New York so I didn’t choose to live here I was just already here” kicking in but can we actually learn to respect people’s privacy and acknowledge the fact that not everyone who lives in a major city is doing so because they want to be famous or the main character or an influencer or whatnot. I’m so sick of seeing tiktoks go viral that are just plainly stalking or doxxing random people who didn’t ask for attention or fame and are just living their lives. Especially given how many people in NYC are living with a wide variety of mental states, abilities, divergencies, and diversities treating them as a spectacle for your entertainment is deeply dehumanizing. Particularly in the past few years seeing so many content creators move here and gain their fame here it is becoming increasingly frustrating to feel like just existing in my home is not coherent with the burgeoning voyeurism culture that’s growing online. I, nor anyone who lives in a large city, should have to leave their homes every day worrying about the potential of being recorded and ridiculed online for just being a person.

People should be able to live their lives with the right to privacy. This isn’t to say that certain instances of internet activism shouldn’t have happened; for instance the Central Park bird watching incident (google it if you aren’t familiar but a woman was being racist towards a black man bird watching in central Park and his recording on the incident vindicated him). But instances like those are the exception and not the rule and many cases of publishing interpersonal conflicts/interactions is not from good faith activism or even from an activist point at all. Honestly what sparked this for me was that dumb tiktok that blew up of that girl looking for the person who kept writing “monke” on the whiteboard at her gym and the series of videos she made amassed more than 25 million views as she made a very public game out of trying to find the identity of this person. Some of her tactics included staking out at the gym waiting for this person or even asking the employees at the front desk who the person was. Maybe this person didn’t want to be a viral tiktok sensation and just wanted to write something goofy on the whiteboard at their local gym. Instead, this person has millions of strangers online seeking them out using unethical/invasive methods. All over someone who just wanted to write “monke.” Can we not just be a little silly in public without being at risk of it being the next internet sensation? If you live in a busy metropolitan area is it now your responsibility to make yourself as invisible as you can every time you step outside your front door? I genuinely leave for work each day wondering if I’ve maybe picked the wrong outfit, makeup, or maybe there’s an embarrassing stain or issue with my appearance that someone is going to see, record, and share online. I’ve even now seen TikTok’s of people recording through peoples windows commenting on how they’re living in their private lives now as well (the video in question is of a young woman recording a couple dancing through their apartment window). Even the guy who goes around “turning average people into models” initiates these videos by first taking non-consented photos of strangers on the street. Invasion is not flattery as much as people on the internet might like to think it is.

It is deeply unfair to ask human beings to live their lives in an unending panopticon. We should be able to go outside, make a joke, leave a silly note, have a bad day, an embarrassing moment, an emotional outburst, leave the curtains open with the knowledge that these moments belong to ourselves and are not suddenly (and without our consent) just become something for the masses to consume. Small spats that should remain small spats become global debates, a conventionally attractive or unattractive person becomes the internet’s object of desire or disgust. Let people exist. Let them have their dignity.

#I FUCKING HATE TIKTOK CULTURE #This is also hitting a bit close to home for me but I work at a museum and I constantly dress to hide my identity #because of how many cameras are pointed at me all day everyday #and in the year of two thousand and twenty three it’s pretty hard to be a person #so to ask people to be media ready all the time is just impractical and inhumane #we aren’t all public figures but we are now expected to be ready for that level of attention #even certain internet phenomena that came from a good faith place such as recording Karen’s as a way to combat a certain kind of a racism #was co opted by non black people to publicly shame and embarrass any older white woman they don’t like #now the entire concept of a Karen has lost its original meaning while still existing as an open threat to older women who don’t behave #as expected in public #and yes I have seen white teenage boys yelling at women calling them Karen’s for just asking them to stop being rowdy #which is anecdotal evidence so take with a grain of salt #but I am simply EXHAUSTED #apparently I need to live in the mountains if I want to live in peace #also I wrote this in like a 5 minute rage so feel free to DM me or comment if I got something wrong

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sunny6677 · 5 months ago

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Ramble about my day today + Photos

FACE REVEAL BELOW IF YA DONT WANNA SEE, KINDA VENTY AT SOME PARTS

Morning was about the same, but it looked pretty as always. Cloudy sky's, humid air, the sound of crickets. I saw my friends cat outside her house this morning so I pet him again and even took a video of him I posted a while ago. I ended up taking the bus like usual, listened to some music on the way, took some photos, and when I got to school, I just ended up having Gatorade again for breakfast as my friends talked and also complimented my new haircut./lh

(One of them said I looked like a Victorian woman lol)

(New haircut—)

Psychology came once again. I got kinda scolded for having my headphones on without realizing, but it's fine kdndnsn. I didn't have a dream last night, so I fortunately had nothing to write down for my assignment regarding my dreams this day. We ended up just having some light hearted banter though, and were told to write about something we like and why. So.. I ended up writing a (technically) two page essay about spooky month that I finished in like fifteen minutes. And then just spent the rest of the time playing roblox on my phone during advisory because the site I use to work on Geometry stuff was being laggy.

Spanish came around after—and we didn't get much done, but we kinda just went over the stuff we're gonna be doing to help us learn for the subject itself and weren't able to go over a story in Spanish our teacher was gonna read us. I also said hi to my Geometry teacher during the beginning period of second period, and my Spanish teacher complimented my haircut./lh

Chemistry came around, and not a lot happened aside from filling out a bunch of notes and cutting out stuff we're apparently gonna use later. But it was fun since I was able to listen in on some funny conversation, and also one of my friends only just now noticed my spooky month hoodie./lh

Technology came around. We're supposed to be coming up with concepts for an animation movie, so I wrote a concept for an animated movie where the main character is a sassy sarcastic easily anxious female cashier who gets isekai'd into a stereotypical fantasy world (the cashier is inspired by Kevin kdndndn). I finished rather quickly, so I spent the rest of the time working on the Hot To Go comic.

Didn't do much for lunch, aside from play roblox and eat some chips while my friends talked. They were saying some pretty bad stuff though like usual, so I kinda tuned em out. I know they're just teens like me and act all edgy and will one day learn their lesson, but Jesus fucking christ it's really hard to remember that sometimes. The only reason I haven't said anything about it is because I'm scared of what they might do to me if they don't take my concerns that well.

English came around—we read our books for a little while, and ended up playing a somewhat stressful but rather fun game where we have to circle a bunch of tiny/giant numbers on a paper in order. And my team ended up being the winning one. We weren't able to read the book we're supposed to be reading cuz of how long the game went on for tho.

Theater also came around—where we were all grouped up into four, and because my table had six, I split up to a different table with this guy, his partner, and some random dude. The assignment was to do our skit, and our prompt was someone being pulled over by a British journalist (changed to a cop for our skit). We weren't given enough time to prepare so we had to improv, and I was the British oddly gruff uncomfortable police officer who basically interrogated this guy as his cat just wondered around the car. We played 'Freeze' during the last minutes of class, and I got to change the three 3 times—with the scene changes being me as a arrogant classist person accusing someone of not being good enough for their daughter, a Disney channel bully, and an eldritch crab entity that growled and chased people around. The random dude I partnered up with said I was just too good for everyone since they kept kicking me out like a few seconds in and seemed to find me funny.

Geometry was kinda boring as per usual—with me just working on different Geometry stuff online as my teacher sort of bothered other people in an attempt to be friendly and ended up just arguing with some random student because he accused him of 'doing nothing all day'. And he also started getting really political for some reason. And going on about how much he loves America.

The last period was World History, where I joked around with one of my friends and finished an assignment I was working on with him. Then we filled in some notes about what we learnt so far, but we didn't have much time left, so we're just gonna be working on them tomorrow.

..today was kinda meh.

Photos I took today:

#ramble #photos

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sunlightandsuffering · 2 years ago

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Good girl Mikasa and bad boy Eren is such a great dynamic for EM. I've seen multiple highschool au's of them with that dynamic and I think it fits so well in modern au's.

Mikasa being such a good girl, so prim and proper which makes Sasha and all her friends think she'll end up dating someone similar, a smart and sensible boy like her best friend Armin. Only for her friends to one day sneak a look at her phone when she's not in the room and they find a photo album titled something cheesy like "❤🥰😚My Most Beloved😻💋❤" and expect their suspicions of her dating Armin to be true.

But then they open the album and the man they see is the last thing they expect. Some super tall guy with long rockstar hair, multiple tattoos, and a chiseled body that resembles a Greek god. They get more than a good look at it since there's tons of shirtless snapchats he's sent her. Him at the gym, him at raves, him fighting in some form of professional martial arts, him getting high, etc. The exact opposite of the type of guy they expected Mikasa to be dating.

The last photo they see as they're scrolling through her gallery is a snap from him asking her to come over, a pic he took while lying down in bed so you can see most of his abs, but for once they're not the focus since below them he's wearing grey sweatpants and has a very noticeable bulge stretching down his leg that he's gripping with one of his hands. The girls gawk at the sheer size of him which is when Mikasa comes back into the room and catches them in the act.

Besides being really embarrassed her friends had discovered her secret boyfriend she first has to assure them that she's not dating a thug, or some dangerous criminal based on the unsavoury assumptions they made based off the pics they saw, that he's not some douchey fuckboy and is actually extremely sweet, protective and loyal.

But once those concerns are out of the way it's all about teasing Mikasa for apparently being into hot bad boys, how they never expected her first boyfriend to be anything like this and confess that they kinda thought she was secretly dating Armin based on how much they hang out which shocks Mikasa. Also pure disbelief about how big her boyfriends cock is and how she's able to take all those inches which has Mikasa blushing immensely but also makes her swell with pride when all the girls agree that they've never slept with a man that big.

ok! Do I finally have time to answer this!! Yes!! I hope! Ugh u know how much fun i find it to incorporate other characters in their romance lol, it's a fave trope I like, the outside looking in!!!

"Sasha," Annie hisses, "Give me back Mikasa's phone!" "No," Sasha tells her petulantly, already typing in the very well known passcode, '0330'. Mikasa had told them it was a lucky number, but they suspect it's the birthday of someone close to her. Despite her vehemence against it, even Annie herself thinks the '03' must have to do with Armin, Mikasa's best friend and possible boyfriend.

She feels a sharp pang in her heart at the thought, Mikasa had been friends with Armin first, and therefore of course it would make sense that they might date. They’ve known each other longer, been friends for longer.

So the possibility they're dating is something Annie has long come to accept, especially with Sasha encouraging it so vehemently. So Annie will concede the blonde boy she has a crush on without complaint, but only to Mikasa.

"Sasha," Annie persists, trying to snatch the phone from the gleeful girl but to no avail. Sasha easily evades, lounging herself across Mikasa's bed, already sleuthing through their friend's phone with ease.

"It's scary how naturally this comes to you." Sasha shrugs, "It's a gift, I've been stalking Mikasa's phone since the seventh grade when she had a crush on this Eren guy in our class and she wouldn't tell me about him." Sasha gives her a serious look over the phone, "It's necessary Annie, I'd never know anything about Miki if I didn't snoop." Annie resigns herself to the fact that this is happening no matter what she does, she just hopes Armin will forgive her for discovering their relationship this way.

Sasha makes disgruntled noises for a few moments as she scrolls through Mikasa's phone, and Annie very reluctantly comes around to see what she's doing, at the very least she can police her.

Sasha is whipping through apps at the speed of light, throwing them up into cyberspace aggressively when they don't yield the results she wants.

"What's wrong?" Annie asks curiously when Sasha makes an irritated noise, "She's gotten better at hiding her shit."

Annie sighs, she doesn't want to think about how many times Sasha has done this. "Aha!" Sasha yells in triumph as she taps into the photos app, "Jackpot." Annie looks over to find a hidden photo album mysteriously labelled, " 'Ren 💜".

By itself the photo album isn't too suspicious, but combined with the emoji and the fact that it's locked, there's no way it isn't incriminating.

Sasha guesses the password on the third try, the same as her phone passcode and despite Annie's misgivings about the whole thing she looks on with Sasha eagerly.

There are a few hundred photos in the album, all very obviously containing a guy, and at first, her and Sasha internally celebrate, assuming it must be Armin, but upon further inspection it is most definitely not their kind blonde friend.

It takes them a solid minute or so to really digest the images they're met with, Sasha clicking on the most recent one in the album and Annie gasps audibly as her brain finally puts together what she's looking at. It's a penis, a very large, very erect, very monstrous penis. "Holy fuck," Sasha whispers, "There's no way this is Armin." Most certainly not, not with a dick like that.

"Stop looking at it," Annie hisses, "At least go to the next one." Sasha reluctantly obeys and they finally get a glimpse of the boy packing so much heat in his pants, and he's hot she'll give Mikasa that, hot in the kind of way she'd never expected prim, proper Mikasa to go for.

He's tall, taller than Armin, probably six feet and with tattoos winding down his wrist into one sleeve, a handsome face complete with green eyes and a smirk that's downright wicked as he looks into the camera, his hand cupping the heavy weight of his cock through his boxers. Whoever, had been holding the camera, which she can only assume was Mikasa had definitely gotten some that night, his eyes promising dirty dirty things to the girl behind the lens.

And as Sasha scrolls farther, their fears are finally confirmed, picture upon picture of the two of them together, cuddled up in bed, half naked, the boy's hand cupping her boobs, nibbling at her neck, sleepy from too many orgasms, and Mikasa, the most shocking part.

She looks nothing like the friend they're used to, covered in hickeys, her body relaxed into his, face twisted in pleasure as she takes selfies while getting railed from behind. It's so explicit she has to look away sometimes, never expecting this of their prim and proper best friend. "We should really stop looking at these." "I can't look away!" Sasha responds in horror, "Is this even Mikasa, are you sure it's not some doppelganger?" Involuntarily, her eyes flash back down to the phone, where a more innocent photo is being displayed, Mikasa, all smiles, beaming at the camera, dolled up in a cute maxi skirt and a crop top while the boy behind her takes the photo, his form engulfing her own, arm clamped around her waist, lips pressed to her cheek. He looks utterly devoted to her too, it's actually kinda cute. "Okay i can't do it, we have to go back to look at his dick again there's no way Mikasa is--" Sasha is cut off as Mikasa opens the door, carrying a tray of cookies and milk, excitedly chattering about the different cookie varieties she's brought up from her collection. She almost drops the plate as she notices her phone in Sasha's hand, her face going white. "Shit," she curses, "How much did you see?" "MIKASA HOW BIG IS HIS DICK?" The normally calm Mikasa's face scrunches up in annoyance as she resigns herself to it, "It's like 8 inches at least." Sasha lets out an erratic squee next to her and Annie explodes, "What about Armin?" Mikasa sets her cookies down, snatching the phone from her friend and locking it firmly, "What about him?" "Aren't you two dating?" Sasha questions and Mikasa makes an immediate noise of disgust, "No way, he's like my brother."

Annie hates herself for feeling instantly relieved by the news, and Mikasa sighs, "That's Eren you were looking at, he's umm, my--" "Fuckbuddy?" "Boyfriend," Mikasa corrects and Sasha makes a noise of surprise, "No way, that's not boyfriend material, Mika, no, he's going to play you like a fiddle." Mikasa huffs in irritation, their prim, proper friend showing one of her rare hints of genuine emotion, genuine rage, always so calm and collected, "No, he's my boyfriend and we've been dating for like two years now Sasha." "WHAT!?" "You remember Eren? My seventh grade crush," Mikasa shrugs, absentmindedly unlocking her phone to admire her photo album of them, "We never really stopped talking and the rest is history."

She absently traces his face on the screen and both Annie and Sasha almost explode with the truth of her answer. Not only has their innocent friend hid a boyfriend for close to two years, but she's also dating one of the sketchiest looking guys they've ever seen.

Well, at least it's not Armin she supposes, maybe she finally has a chance!

#lys's drabbles

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lady-zoras-artroom · 1 year ago

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[Updated Note: concept about her being a bodyguard has changed.]

Ok! Here is second Lupin OC!

Galsan, "Terra" being her Nickname!

She is Bonnie's personal Bodyguard and a genuine friend! She is well-mannered even when speaking in a more modern dialect.

She is familiar with Modern Technology, but only uses them when they are needed. Other than that, she is more frequently outside either training or enjoying nature!

Ex: Bonnie bought her a private phone, but Galsan didn't want all the unnecessary tools and apps on it. So some customizations later, Galsan has only Calls, Messages, and photos. The wallpapers consist of Nature Photos as that is the only thing she captures (she feels self-conscious about taking Selfies and thinks it is unnecessary for the Ego)!

Being decended from two completely different cultures, she combines and honors both. Even making her own clothes from scratch based off the two cultures combined! Mongolian and Nigerian! I wanted to kind of reference Goemon's original character concept!

Speaking of our fav Samurai!

My handwriting is scribbly, so I'll type the info here!

When they first met, Goemon was very suspicious of Galsan because somehow her staff (still trying to come up with a name) was able to block Zentetsuken!

Turns out her staff is made out of similar material, but from a different meteor! Instead of cutting, it can break/shatter anything! Because of this, Goemon wants to challenge her more and compare their weapons.

[The draft got deleted somehow even tho I saved it. So to hell with this!]

It will be a very slow burn between them cause Goemon has been betrayed by "innocent women", sometimes cross dressers, a lot. So I feel he would be very guarded and doubtful, watching Galsan closely to see if she truly is who she is.

I really just wanna give him what he deserves: a trusted partner that is also a great friend!

#lupin iii oc #lupin fanart #lupin the 3rd #lupin the third #lupin iii fanart #goemon ishikawa xiii #ishikawa goemon xiii #zsanimeart #procreate #traditional art #pen doodles #oc reference #oc x canon

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ashenightshade · 7 months ago

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1 Year Anniversary Episode!

Hey guys, I wanted to post about this episode in particular because it's now officially been a year since Megafighter and I started this project! I feel like I've learned a lot in this year, about myself, about media, and about what flaws I have as a person. Yeah that's a weird thing to talk about from a podcast whose thumbnail is a poorly photo shopped can of Manwich Sloppy Joe Sauce because I misheard something a character said, but I really did. One of the things I sort of realized I've subconsciously been doing for most of my adult life is just kind of mentally rejecting certain shows and fandoms in my head as 'cringe' when my fandoms, my interests, and how I carry myself can be considered 'cringe' and honestly the meaning of the word is more about people who don't like feeling vulnerable or people who are resistant to being outside of their comfort zone. I watch these episodes of Vampire Diaries and the other movies we've looked at with as open of a mind as possible. I want to take things from a flat perspective, see what people like about these shows and comment on them, even if I'm still kind of new at this whole criticism thing and still had flaws I need to work on. I know because most of the time I'm 'recap boy' and Megafighter is mostly just reacting to me. I still struggle with the feelings that I'm mentally closing myself off from something I might like. Sometimes I have to just sort of plunge myself into things I've been avoiding because I thought I was 'above' it somehow. Being able to accept you have preconceived notions and biases towards certain things and media I feel like is something paramount to becoming a more mature person and I am grateful I've made as much progress as I have. I greatly appreciate anyone and everyone who has given our podcast a chance and can tolerate my strange personality and sense of humor, and I hope I can make many more episodes like this for people to enjoy, even if I'm not exactly the person people have asked for an opinion on media they like, I'm still happy I can share that space with others. To another year!

#Youtube #podcasting #podcast #thoughts

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hospitalterrorizer · 1 year ago

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diary28

10/2-3/2023

i'm listening to the 1985. they make stupid noise.

today i ate leftovers and recorded vocals, choruses for a song are down now, and i also did vox for one of the new short songs. the bad news is i've gone so long w/o doing vocals (not so long but after getting practiced again and then stopping for like 2 weeks to fix / remaster shit) i've maybe thrown my voice out a little. it's kind of sore, we're gonna see how that is tomorrow, but i should at least be able to do some less intense stuff tomorrow, w/r/t re-recording bits and stuff. and then, i dunno, we'll see, there's at least one song that needs that, and maybe another but i'd probably want to start screeching on the other one, because it's faster.

i've been thinking about fast today a little, a lot of these songs are over 150 bpm, frequently hitting 190, is that a normal bpm for this stuff, is that excessive, some locust songs aren't that fast, should i try a new song where i keep it short and also sit at like, below 150, i dunno. it's stupid anyways. i like 80-ish when i want to go slower, because it's not really slower how i handle it, i just have it at double time mostly so i'm really hitting 160 and then when there's slower ideas i have they feel super slow i guess. but not that slow. really i just like things that are fast and irritating, i talk about that so much.

doing vocals, at least how i was going at it today, was really exhausting even if it's like a bunch of takes on one song and a little less on some parts of another. i felt so lightheaded but i think i'm getting pretty good at just powering through that, which might be stupid but for 40 second long songs it's fine, right. hopefully. and hopefully it doesn't hurt to speak tomorrow.

i also got to write some today, just a little, and i also finally finished this mishima book of short stories i was slowly going through, really good, the last two stories were very strange and the last one especially reminded me of something flannery o'connor might do, someone writing from a place of being obsessed with the consequences of the world as it is, the standard ways of treating people, stuff like that. it's not exactly sympathetic or anything, to the suffering, it doesn't hate them either, it sees the downtrodden as sort of transformed into a force of fate and thus nature, which is not really true outside of the exact kind of character he was writing, an upper middle class person worrying, and her worrying thus transforms them into that, even if she's trying to express empathy, she's already figured that there, beyond her guilt, there is some kind of villain waiting for her, and so there is. the poor are bound to servitude of those psychic fantasies, or something. that feels like what he gets at there, the story prior, is about rich women, and is funny. he really handles the abject's entry/appearance in otherwise "regular" lives very well, as something that can and will meet us all, no matter what, and so the consequences of material reality will always be upon us, even if transformed by our fantasies that freely shape the world (this is the case especially if you are rich).

this isn't some communist reclamation of mishima but i do think even these relatively simplistic stories (the word tales almost seems better (and not all stories in the collection are tales (meaning they aren't quite similar to parables (particularly onnagata and patriotism (interesting that they feel the most tied to his queerness))))) more complex than people would give him credit for. makes me think of what eiko hosoe said when taking photos of mishima, this is a paraphrasing of a translation, it was something about the photos being the destruction of a myth, mishima was always constructing himself and subjecting himself to the elements to return to himself a weathered thing, it felt like, undoing himself as much as possible, because being kept to yourself, subjected to yourself as if it were real, is intolerable. so it makes sense then, to kill yourself theatrically. everyone who tries and succeeds is ultimately a drama queen dealing with this kind of difficulty, probably. i know i am. maybe i just relate too much, and it is different for others. i mean, i know it is, ultimately, but some people are convinced they could wield their suicide as a weapon against life or maybe more so, the eyes that have seen them living and would like to say: this is what you have been. of course, no one really cares that much. people could scarcely hear his speech, because he was cut off from the pa, before he gutted himself, so there he was, humiliated and seen still, at war with himself and putting his sex totally into his final moments, a beautiful man chosen to behead him does so, whatever.

but for some people like me i guess that's an intense thing to know about, it's going to sit in my chest forever and ever i guess.

next i'm going to read gary indiana's gone tomorrow. another gay man. i love rent boy quite a bit, i'm semi worried this one won't give me the same feelings, but that's lame, i shouldn't seek the same things from one artist, what i hope though is his prose is as great as it is in rent boy, loose and sharp all at once, i want to be drawn into the pulse immediately, as i was before. i hear this is a great book from a close friend, so i'm excited.

now, after listening to this 1985 record nerve eighty, and also from thinking earlier in the day, i want a fuckoff annoying trebly guitar, maybe different from the others in some way. sharper, hissier maybe, i'll call it "superhissyfit" if i like it.

before i go do that, i really hope i begin reading more. i think listening to richard hell today and singing along made me feel more literary or something. or maybe it was talking about the birthday party with someone. this record i'm working on started off with me reading rimbaud and baudelaire, at a job on break, and i've read plenty in the interim, but recently it's been missing from my life. i want there to be more. i want everything always though. #stupid.

thinking about "we assume sublime poses deep and true to life"

or whatever the line is.

here's the sound. i've never done this before, but i realized i can, which is fun. i don't know if i'll use any of these riffs here but i like at least 2 and think one unexpectedly works well with another, making something pretty compelling as like, a structure, accidentally. now i have something horrifically annoying that also just does that radio search feedback noise, it sounds just like the noise bits in that first jerome's dream record, a total accident but i like it, it's super irritating and i can put it in / just take it out if i want to. the sound overall has a really compelling tinniness that i think can help out on a couple songs where i'm like, not feeling that enough.

the thing with fake guitars is it gets easier to imitate higher strings, probably because there's less of a range of overtones or whatever, harmonic junk and stuff, that you're hearing. i also really like how this one pitch bends, i guess it was made for that super freakish sound some people make riffs out of, cuz like, why haven't i tried harder to do that, cuz i'm lazy i guess. now i try, and some songs i might go back and fuck around w/ this and throw it in, actually i like that idea for one especially, and the feedback could be filtered in at points in a cool way probably too.

i wonder if there's any other random music stuff to stick in here. right now i'm listening to this record:

it's really good, if you like this kind of thing. shocked honestly a couple times by how good the riffs are, and how this really doesn't fall into the regular "screamo" traps (screamo a delineating line i guess between faster/harder-core things, and stuff like this) but this is good because it veers pretty hardcore, it's never twinkly, it's sometimes really pretty and it uses those really great chords guys at this time became really fond of. idk what they are, they always feel spanish to me, it's fun stumbling into them and seeing their anatomy and not really knowing what to call them. this band also has everything free on their bandcamp, that's sick, the lyrics here are clearly super commie so it's not a surprise, it just also wouldn't be a surprise if they were asking like 5 bux (good enough + i get it (anyone would)).

anyways now i am way tired.

so,

byebye!!

#Bandcamp

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