#and as someone who also has chronic illness i often dream of going into the star trek future

[tuttle-did-it]

😭 you, too, eh? Sending big hugs.

POV: You got into a transporter malfunction.

Based on the House MD poster below the cut.

[the-cornuthaum]

Depression's a bitch. If you haven't experienced it for yourself - good. Keep it that way. If you have, you might be able to read the last story parts of Lone Trail and draw some measure of solace from them, the knowledge that whoever was writing it Got It.

There's more I have to say about this below but I don't want to be too much of a bother so let's see if I get this line break thing to work right.

Lone Trail is a strong event all around but it is without any doubt at its strongest when it grapples with the themes of isolation, loneliness and alienation that isn't (just) the simple absence of physical comfort from the presence of another human being.

It's this, the isolated alienation from everyone and everything around you that is core to many - not all, it never is the same for everyone - depressive expressions for people around the world. That constant feeling of being stuck behind a glass wall, able to see how things could be, how things should be, but not being able to actually get there.

This feeling, it often and easily leads to raging against a fate that is hard to see as anything but a crippling defect. It makes you wish you could feel nothing, rather than feel like that. To be a thing of clockwork, simple cause and effect.

In those moments, it is also altogether too easy to ask yourself "but what is life worth, then?" and in the depths of that depression not being able to come up an answer. It is an illness, depression, it is maladaptive.

When I read this, I was almost giddy. Someone McFucking Got It.

It is no less than my answer to struggle with chronic illnesses. That this is not just, that this is not fair, that this is not good, but that it simply *is*, and that my life experience is not inherently lessened or less worthy for it.

It is being able to put your faith in other people who offer a helping hand and trust their perception - of you, or your situation - over your own, no matter how improbable or implausible or even stupid their assessment is (or seems to be. Never forget: Depression is a chronic illness that severely and negatively warps your ability to self-assess.)

There is no grand fanfare for getting it right, either. There's no miracle cure. Life goes on, and we all age in real time.

But it answers the question of "what is life worth, then?". Living, existing, being, continuing on in the face of often very literal pain or metaphorical leaden weights on your heart and shoulders, it is in and of itself good enough. One might not like their life, but it is still worth living.

And I am glad to see that in Arknights, too. To see someone cut off from their culture, their former friends and their dreams, who is on the very literal threshold of giving in to their suicidal ideation, taking the plunge and putting their faith and trust in the assessment of someone else and manages to keep going and keep living.

(But also: "What is life worth, then?" is the wrong question, anyways. Worth is a construct that has no place put next to the full braid of experiences that go into making up a human life.)

[aliveinacoffin]

request for maybe an all might fic of him neglecting (not paying any attention) to his daughter. And she’s depressed in the inside (but even more after sir night eyes death) but outside she is “happy and cheerful”. But then she just gives up on her looks and behaviour and then someone notices and tells him and then he finally acknowledges her and when he asks what’s wrong she finally snaps at him. (Sorry if this is long)

That's okay! Are you the person who requested the same for the aizawa fic? Your ideas are so good but so sad 🥲 I hope you're not going through a tough time :( also, I was unsure if you wanted it to be in readers pov, but it was already too late when I started, oops T_T

Important To You

Being the daughter of such an important man was already hard, but after he gets deathly ill and the death of his best advisor? Forget about it!

TW: Neglect, parental abuse, depressive episode, mentioned eating problems, bullying, death,

Being the illegitimate and unwanted daughter of Toshinori Yagi wasn't all too bad. He was often times caring and meek, not really knowing how to be a dad to the daughter he never wanted.

But being the daughter of All Might? It was the worst thing in the world.

It made you feel guilty to feel that way. You knew his job was important, he had saved hundreds of lives every day for fucks sake! But he used to always be All Might. He had never been Toshinori, ever.

He used to never be home, always at his agency or out working. He used to just wire you money to let you fend for yourself if he remembered. Sir Night Eye, or as you knew him, Uncle Mirai, has been there from the beginning to make sure you were fed and made sure you were alive and safe every day. Ever since you were little, he would send someone from his agency to pick you up from school or from home to take you to his office.

Ever since your father's accident, his fight with All For One that left him chronically hurt, he had been spending more time at home. But it was all for naught since he just spent time locked away in his room or trying some new healing technique to try and get him back to his prime. He was still just as distant as always, but instead of the distance that separated you, it was the emotional availability.

Currently, you were sitting in your uncle-not-uncle's office doing school work while he typed away at his computer. Apparently, he was working with the Hero Commission for some secret project. Whatever it was, you knew it was serious business. Usually, he'd spill the beans to you, hoping that Hero business would rub off on you to give you more smarts or something like that. But you had never been usually interested in stuff like that, so most of the time, it was a lost cause.

But this time you were extremely interested, but he just wouldn't tell you.

"Please? Why won't you tell me? You know I won't tell anybody else, not like I could anyway." You muttered pitifully, scooting your school desk over to him. It was one he got for you when you were small, and he just continuously upgraded it as you got older. Faded drawings could still be seen, the main one still as bright as ever.

It was a stick figure of you and Mirai holding hands in an office, while All Might was a small figure in the clouds.

Spread out on your desk were math papers. You were a second year in a reasonably priced high school. What? Did you expect the quirkless daughter of the technically quirkless number one hero to go to hero school? Or even a prestigious high school? Hah, in your dreams.

"Because I can't. This is a very important mission. Hopefully, it will be over soon." Mirai said, his stiff form diligently working.

You sighed, hitting your head on your desk. Looking at your homework made your head spin, so you packed it up and pushed your desk to the back of his office. You grabbed the chair from the desk behind him and pulled up to sit next to him.

He immediately glared at you and exited all his open tabs. He called out to you, scolding you. You groaned and got up to face the back of his computer.

Mirai sighed and shook his head, mumbling a thank you as he reopened his work.

You took out your phone to play around on it, and you could feel his harsh gaze on you. You looked up, and half expected that he would tell you to 'smile more' or 'try to be more funny', but that's not what he said at all.

"What have you eaten today?" His voice was stern, almost cold in the way he said it.

You've always been in the middle of the weight class, with nearly childish features you inherited from your father. But you have never been the weight you could've been, always just falling short. Like always.

"Food, I ate today." You mumbled, looking away. Lying wasn't that hard for you. You lied all the time. Yes, I'm fine! Oh, don't worry about me, I'm just not hungry. Yes, my life is great! But when it came to your uncle? There was always a guilt there, like you were committing egregious sins when you lied about your homework or how home was like. The pain and squirming guilt outmatched the grumbling of your empty stomach.

"I asked what you ate today. You need to take better care of your body, you're a growing teenager, you must eat the proper meals to grow." Mirai scolded you, quickly opening an email to send some intern to get you food.

"It just slipped my mind." You shrugged, looking down like a pouting child.

"Then set reminders." He countered, not caring about your sour mood.

Sometime later, Mirio's shining face came in with a hearty meal and a large bottle of water.

___________________________________________

The mood was off, and everyone could tell, and you were no fool to it.

"Why's everyone so tense?" You asked, flinging your backpack at the entryway. Dragging a nearby chair to sit in front of Mirai's desk, taking your usual spot.

"Do you remember the case we're working on?" Mirai asked, green hair mussed and slightly greasy.

"The one you won't tell me about? Yeah." You scooted closer to his desk, leaning over in anticipation.

Today had been shit. There had been a presentation in class about your family history. Of course, you tried to get info from your father, but that ended up being pointless.

"Dad?" Your voice was small, and the knock you landed on your father's bedroom door was smaller.

There was rustling, on the other end. "Yes, hun?" He called out to you, somewhere in the depths of his room. Not bothering to even face you to talk to you.

"I uhm-I have an assignment for class, and I need your help." You said, suddenly feeling embarrassed. You held the paper in your hands, the edges crinkling slightly as your nerves got the best of you.

"Oh? Why don't you ask Mirai, I'm sure he's much better equipped for your school assignments." You could hear the sound of papers hitting a desk, and a feeling of sadness filled you. They were probably lesson plans for that one student at U.A., the one he had been training the past couple of months. He was giving that one random kid more attention than you had gotten from him your whole life.

"Because for this one, I need to ask about my family history. It's about gathering information about my parents and grandparents and so on, it's to show our research skills. It's a summative grade." You explained. A large part of you was in denial, there was no way he'd say no, right?

"W-well-" Suddenly, his thin form peeked out the door, a kind smile on his face. "I'm really busy at the moment, how about later we can go through the closet and try to find some old pictures, huh?" Your father reassured.

"O-oh, okay!" You nodded fervently, trying to hide your disappointment. You went into the apartment living room, and sat down on your couch, pulling out the expectations and requirements for the assignment.

Later never came.

You did the same next day, asking him to help you, and each day was the same. Tomorrow alright? Oh later, is that okay? Each and every time, later never came. Timidly, you asked him why he kept pushing you off, trying to stress just how important this assignment was to your grade.

"Oh! I'm so sorry honey, my side has just been acting up, and I have so much work to do that it must've slipped my mind. I'm so sorry, how about I make it up to you? We'll get ice cream later, how about that?" Your father promised, his two bunny ears bouncing as he bowed slightly as he apologized.

"A-alright, as long as we get my assignment done." You said, trying to sound stern. Your tears threatening to spill out.

Later. Never. Came.

When it came time to present your assignment in front of the whole class, you were humiliated beyond belief and got the worst grade out of the class.

Back to the present, Uncle Mirai sighed and looked over at you from his computer.

"Well, we're finally making a move on them tomorrow. I have been doing extensive research, and I can only strive for the best outcome." Mirai was looking down on you, but you knew he was trying to comfort you.

You had gotten wind of how serious this project was from wandering the halls of the building, seeing how solemn and serious people looked, and overhearing hushed whispers made you somewhat aware of what was happening. But not only that, the look of your uncle's appearance became more and more disheveled the more you saw him, just seeing how overworked he was.

"That's great! I'm sure this will help the agency's notoriety right?" You trusted your uncle's abilities, you knew how strong he was, how smart and capable both he and his team was. You didn't have a shadow of a doubt that he'd be fine. He had to be, after all. You had no one else but him. You didn't have friends, growing up around your uncle and absent father didn't exactly give you the best people skills. Everyone either thought you were weird, or a freak. Especially as a kid when you tried to brag that All Might was your father.

"But he is! All Might is my dad!" You exclaimed, tears filling your eyes as you stomped on the ground.

"Then how come you don't have a cool quirk like him? How come you don't have any pictures of him? How come he never picks you up from school or shows up to school?" The other kids jeered, a small group of other kindergarteners surrounding, you trapping you.

"Because he's busy! My uncle just says I'm a late bloomer!"

"More like a lame loser! Stop lying for attention." You felt a pair of hands shove you to the ground, and the group dispersed.

The rest of your childhood was the same, you gave up around middle school trying to convince people. The bullying just became too much for you. Around that same time, you stopped eating as much, and stopped caring about your appearance, what you wore, and what you did.

Your hair was long and often tangled, the ends light from all the damage done to your hair, your constant eyebags deep and dark, your unhealthy weight from either the lack of food or the lack of proper food. The only reason you even bothered to eat was to make sure you didn't upset your uncle, he was the one to make dentist appointments, hair appointments, and doctors appointments. He was the only one who ever came to important ceremonies for school, sometimes even going to parent-teacher conferences for you, he was the one to hold you after school while you cried, the one always there for you. Your uncle was the only one who even cared about you.

"The justice we will bring will be greater than the fame we will gain." He nodded, piercing yellow eyes boring into you. As if he could read your mind and not the future, he turned fully to you, giving you his full undivided attention.

"I promise it'll all work out in the end, you're a strong and capable girl. Now tell me, did Yagi ever help you with your assignment?" Mirai asked though both of you knew the answer.

You turned away from him, trying to hide the embarrassed tears that came crawling to the surface. "I failed, and now I barely have a C in that class."

He sighed and took off his glasses to pinch the bridge of his nose. He groaned and looked at you with annoyed eyes. "I should've known."

That made you giggle.

___________________________________________

"Well, we're finally making a move on them tomorrow."

Today.

After school you immediately raced home, sending a text to Centipeder or Moashi, that you wouldn't need a ride to the office. There was no point anyway, your uncle wasn't there to keep you company.

You remember the first conversation you had with him, a funny misunderstanding that was the first development of your Kind Guardian/Kid relationship.

"I just don't understand." He said from the front of the car one day, unprompted.

"Uhm, what..do you not understand?" You piped up after a beat of silence, confused.

"well, for Sir Nighteye to even acknowledge someone, they must make him at least smile. But I haven't heard you tell even a pun to him, and yet he is very open with you. I am...also confused about the nature of your relationship." Moashi confessed, eyes constantly going back and forth between you and the road.

"O-oh, I'm his niece. And I'm...not very funny, I'm too awkward to try and tell him a joke every day." Your voice was weak and trailed off, embarrassment filling you. But you had told the truth, you struggled to even ask to go to the bathroom, let alone try the daunting task of trying to tell a joke. He hadn't made you do it when you were too young to tie your shoes, why suddenly start now?

"ah, I apologize for my unprofessionalism." He asked, embarrassed himself too.

Since then, you felt a little bit more comfortable around him, even if most days you sat in the back looking out the window.

Still, none of that mattered when you turned on the TV, feeling like a little get as you sat right in front of the screen.

"Oh sweetie, please don't sit so close to the screen, it's bad for your eyes." You could hear your father's voice behind you.

You didn't even bother to pull your attention from the screen when you spoke to him, "You know that's actually not true. Plus, Uncle Mirai has his raid today, and I need to know the result." You quickly surfed through channels, and you jumped when you found the one you needed. A helicopter was circling above an inconspicuous-looking house, absolutely swarmed with heroes.

"That's today? I hope young Midoriya will be okay." Toshinori mumbled, and it made you glare at your TV screen without realizing it. Your emotions were on the fritz, you hadn't eaten since yesterday, hadn't slept, hell you hadn't even drunk water. Too nervous to do anything other than go through the motions of life. Your head hurts, your eyes stung, and you felt like absolute shit, but you needed to know.

You heard your father sit down behind you, but you didn't move an inch to give him a better view.

Then, it began.

___________________________________________

They won.

The heroes won, and they arrested all members of the Shie Hassaikai yakuza. But there were heroes so gravely injured that they needed to be life-lined out, and when they zoomed in on the victims' faces, listing off their names, both you and your estranged father ran to the car to race to the hospital.

Normally, your father was a strict follower of the rules, especially when it came to the laws of the road. But at this moment, the speed limit just didn't exist.

Hell, you guys were pushing a hundred while on your way to the hospital, the ride deathly silent. You were too terrified to speak, and your father remained unreadable to you.

The ride to the hospital was the most unbearable experience of your life.

___________________________________________

You ran ahead of your father, not even helping him get out of the car as you burst into the hospital. Hurridly, you ran up to the receptionist, speedily saying your name and asking for Mirai Sasaki. She pointed you to his secluded room, and you didn't even bother to thank her as you took off at top speed.

It felt like your world was crashing down, your breath coming in short, and panicked. You could barely breathe, barely think, the only thing you could do was run.

Your lungs burned when his room came into sight, a scream was worming its way from your throat, your heart and chest burned absolutely alit with fear.

Some part of your mind registered a green-haired boy and a blonde boy in the room, but it didn't matter as you slammed the door open.

A sob forced its way out your mouth when you opened the door, your eyes clouding with tears when you drank in the sight of your uncle. "Mirai!" That scream tore its way out of you in a voice you couldn't recognize as yourself.

You rushed over to his side, grasping onto the sidebars as if your life depended on it like it was the only thing keeping you here on earth.

The display of his health horrified you. His usually cunning eyes were dull and glazed over. His naked body was filled to the brim with tubes, filling the hole in the middle of his abdomen. His body was weak, the blue veins visible under his thin flesh, covered in sweat as he weakly breathed, his lungs wheezing with the strenuous task of pumping hair into his body. He looked over to you slowly, a small smile tugging across his face as if the mere act of making a minuscule smile drained what little life force he had left. His usually neat hair was mussed up, a sight people rarely saw because his appearance was the second most important thing to him.

He reached a shaking hand to you and placed it gently on yours. It was such a stark difference, the feeling of his cold and weak hand gently resting on your hand, still clenching as hard as you could next to him. Tears were freefalling now, hitting his pale arm and sliding down it. His hand trembled on top of yours, and you hurridly grasped it with both of yours to ease the shaking.

"U-uncle-y-you-" You tried to speak, but snot and tears made it difficult to speak. Your throat was tight, the feeling of thorns and barbed wire made it near impossible to even breathe.

He called out to you, voice soft and small, shushing you in an instant. "Breathe, you must calm down. You're having a panic attack." Mirai's words were shaky, and he tried his best to reassure you, even at a time like this.

"But you're-you're-" You couldn't even finish your sentence, couldn't even think of the word coming to your mind.

Dying.

He was dying.

Your uncle, the man who raised you, the man who made sure you ate every day, who made sure you had clothes, who taught you to tie your shoes, brushed your hair, and had held you on your best and worst days, Mirai Sasaki was dying.

And there was nothing to stop it.

When your father had almost died in his fight with All For One, you had been upset, sure. But Mirai had reassured you that he'd live, he even used his quirk to ease your worries, so you hadn't been as worried. Sure, it was still a deeply traumatizing event and was a hard time for you and your father. But you had Mirai, you always had Mirai.

And now he was leaving you, he was leaving you behind. The man who had replaced your father your whole life was abandoning you, and there was no way to stop it.

"Please, please don't leave me." You cried, finally managing to say words to him.

Mirai's face never faltered from his gentle smile, and his eyes crinkle slightly. "My child, please don't cry. Please don't forget your smile." He looked up at the ceiling and rested his hands on his wheezing chest. Your uncle's body completely relaxed, but he still had a smile on his face.

"When you were born, your father...did not want to keep you. Toshinori wanted to leave you at an orphanage, but I refused. I wanted you, I wanted you so badly I promised to take care of you. So I did. For the first couple of years of your life, I took complete care of you." He wheezed. "But he realized just how precious you were, so he took you back." Mirai mustered up the strength to look at you again, and it was obvious that the smile on his face was fake. "I've regretted that day every day. I should've kept you and raised you on my own. So I made sure to the best of my abilities that you were okay. But, I failed." Now, tears were falling from his eyes.

"Nno, no you didn't-" You started, voice full of panic, but he shushed you.

"Let me finish." He took a deep breath in and continued. "Every day I knew I should've kept you, it pained me to see you in such miserable conditions. Before I realized it, I had grown contempt for Toshinori. I hated seeing you in such a state, but I never wanted you to hate your father, so I just tried to help you in any way I could, and kept my anger to myself. I don't know when, but you had morphed into my own daughter over time. Maybe you always were, I'm unsure. Still, I want you to know one thing. I love you, and I always have. Please, promise me you'll live your life with a smile on your face and a kind heart, don't forget who you are." You gasped, trying to get as much air through the tears and agony.

"I promise, I swear on my life I'll honor your legacy the best I can." At this point, you were practically in the hospital bed with him, hunched over and clawing at his shoulders and hands.

"Remember to take care of yourself, live for me, and grow older than I'll ever be." Mirai shakily reached up to grasp at your face, weakly trying to wipe away your tears.

You closed your eyes, trying to appreciate and memorize his touch. "I pinky promise, I love you so much." Your eyes flew open when his touch disappeared, and your heart broke at the sound of his heart monitor flatlining.

At that moment, when nurses rushed in and your father's weak hands tried to pry you away you felt it.

Everything after that day was a blur.

Your world stopped that day.

___________________________________________

You don't remember how you got home that day, or what you did the rest of that week. Hell, even his funeral was a blur. You didn't go to school, didn't eat, didn't sleep, you didn't even leave your room. You just didn't exist anymore, like you had died with him.

Moashi had tried to contact you, calling and texting you constantly. He wanted to go over the will. His will.

But you just couldn't bring yourself to answer him, or to check your phone, or even to look over to see it.

A week or two or however long into your depressive episode, your father came into your room. He was holding a plate of food and a glass of water, looking just as bad as you.

"I brought you food." Toshinori whispered like you were ready to break at any moment. Maybe you were, or maybe it was too late, and you were already broken, instead, he was being careful of the pieces of your heart that were scattered around.

You didn't even spare him a glance, still staring at the ceiling. "I'm not hungry." You didn't even sound like you, voice rough and damaged. Vocal cords fried from unuse.

"You must eat. You cannot keep living like this. What would Mirai-" Your father started, and you shot up out of your bed.

"Stop. Don't you fucking dare use his name. You have no right to even think of him." You growled, getting up out of your messy bed. You hadn't changed your clothes from that day, your life was slowly slipping away from you, and even doing basic tasks seemed impossible. You knew you smelt, you knew you were a disgusting mess, and you could feel the grime and filth from lack o personal hygiene and care. But you just couldn't.

Your head swam from the sudden movement, your body trying to shut down on you. You felt weak and disorientated, and the constant gnawing hunger pains ate away at you. Your teeth ached, your head and body itched, your body and mind just hurt.

"Do you have any idea how horrible it was to live with you? Oh, sorry, to live by myself? I used to get bullied for trying to tell everyone you were my dad, it got so bad that I stopped talking at one point because every day people were telling me to kill myself. I used to not eat, and did you ever notice? No! Because All Might didn't have a daughter, so he was never home. He was there for every fucking person in Japan but his daughter. There were times when I didn't come home, and you didn't even notice wasn't there. Did you even care if I ate? What I do? You let me fail an assignment because it was just too much of a bother. Who do you think took care of you when you almost died? Where were you all the times I stayed home because I was sick?" Your voice was raw, and your throat burned from the agony of yelling at him. But you didn't care, you didn't even have any tears left to cry. You had nothing left.

"Mirai was always there to kiss my wounds, he came to everything. Ever wondered if I know how to play instruments? What my hobbies are? Mirai did! He encouraged me to pursue what I loved and came to all my plays, and performances, kept every drawing I made him, every craft I did." You fell to the floor, exhausted. You looked up to Toshinori Yagi, the stranger you've lived with for the past sixteen years. He was not your father, he never had been, your real father, the man who loved you unconditionally and wholeheartedly was dead. And he was never coming back.

"I hate you, I wished I had never been born to a man like you. You're not my father, you've never been my father. You should've died instead of him." You spoke your truth, glare downright murderous as you watched the horrified man in front of you. You felt no regret as he started to tear up, clutching his damaged side in pain.

You'd live up to your promises to your father, but you'd also never come to regret the words you uttered to the man who you shared blood with.

Just because you shared blood with someone, that did not automatically make them family.

___________________________________________

Holy shit;;;;; that was 4,538 words. Longest one-shot I ever fucking wrote. My computer is literally slowing down because I wrote this all on Tumblr lmaooo

Kinda don't like the ending, but I had so much fun writing this,,,, THANK YOU SO MUCH WHOEVER REQUESTED THIS, at first I was nervous because 'oh no how tf do I write this' but then it just started FLOWIN gyat dayum.

anyways, little notes incase you were wondering,,

Reader was abandoned by her mom after she was born, and mummy dearest managed to hand her back to toshi before she disappeared,,later she died pretty young, so, unfortunately, kiddo will never meet her. Toshi wanted to leave her because he couldn't deal with a child, but sir felt an instant connection with her and wanted her,,so he really did raise her but toshi saw how cute she was and was just like 'it wont be hard to raise a child right?' how wrong he was,,over time sir started to hate toshi, meaning his room isn't decked out in all might merch and isn't as harsh on deku and mirio when they come around,,if anything, kiddo made him much softer than he is in anime, because he knows what its like to be a dad(tm),, he never took her back because he didn't want her to hate toshi, so he just kept his anger to himself. (meaning he ain't creepy to bubble girl, thinking if anyone did that to his daughter hed fuckin kill them),,in his will, he left the agency to centipder so thats still the same, but he's under strict directions to train reader to one day take over the agency for her own, not caring that shes quirkless. Reader and all might will never make up, and when he dies, she will not feel regret nor sadness over his death, she will silently hate deku from the sidelines, and will be an endeavor fan (ick) ([okay sorry that want little but I love her-])

[starryeyed-seer]

okay my FL ocs, quickly picrew'd for ref. Some lore and basic info!

I'm not 100% on base designs or details but I got the rough idea of em... when I have more time I want to develop them more bc I have Thoughts!

Captain Enoch Caylor / Lord E Oliver Newton

Hasn't aged consistently or in order. ~ 38

He/him mainly, also they/it, Trans masc

Bi-Aro Gray-romantic— interested in status and stories more than appearance, and only rarely desires sex. Sworn off love but aches for it

A monster hunter who alternates between mindless revelry in London and (often) dying at zee. He's selfish and hedonistic but rarely directly cruel. Indirectly? Yes. He plays red. He watches mirrors.

Middle child in a wealthy half-noble family, and still caught up in the family sun-smuggling trade. Ran away to elope with a devil when young, instead lost his soul, and fought bloody hard for it back.

Craves power most of all, not to rule as a tyrant or change things. He wants to live according to his whims, wants, and lifestyle, seeking hedonistic pleasure and bloody risks with the promise of no consequences. Involved in the Game, usually white/red, but desires little true change. Life is good for him (isn't it? Isn't it?? Isn't it???)

Grietje Van der Meer:

Like 22

She/her

Overly romantic (no gender preference) but too terrified of romance to successful woo. Someone seems into her and she needs to lie down, and then hide until they forget about her.

Her mother was a Varchassi artist who fell for a zailor. She fled Varchas while heavily pregnant, and gave birth to Grietje at zee. The ship fell to the wax wind, and Grietje was one of few survivors. She grew up an urchin, plagued by dreams of the sun she almost-saw and always aware she didn't quite belong in London, but could never go to Varchas or the Surface.

Still, she dreamed, becoming a poet and writer of celestial and bazaarine work. Her work, however, is very bad. She doesn't appear fully aware that her success has come from artist salons performing mocking live readings— or she doesn't mind. She's chronically ill, and spends much of her time in a lonely basement bedroom with a single window (Somehow.) Her main company when bedbound is her messenger bat Malachai, and MiseryWhiskers, a protective alley cat.

Enoch has wound up a reluctant companion of hers. After getting involved in a ridiculous scheme involving her and her patron, he was left with a sense of obligation he detests. Once a week, if he's around, Enoch takes Grietje out for a stroll around the Bazaar. She uses different aids depending, but usually is in a wheelchair when Enoch is around— MiseryWhiskers likes to curl up on her lap and come along.

Mikhail Care-Michael:

She/her, also takes he/him when pretending to be Heavenly

Generally into women mostly, aromantic

A devil of exceptionally dubious credentials. Mikhail has a fondness for adopting the aesthetics of the sacred, including her current name. She enjoys trying to convince people angels are ALSO real in the Neath and she's one. This doesn't generally work for many reasons, but the amusement she pulls is from making humans squirm. Thinks she is hilarious.

Mikhail is Grietje's long time patron, having discovered her work as a youth and taken Grietje under her wing. Mikhail finds kind and charitable acts like this extremely funny, part of her epic angel larp, but other Devils think the joke is outdated and Mikail's consistent interest in divinity indicates either bad taste or ties to the Convention.

[deusexmachinawitch]

This is the post post for days 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19 and 20. I was going to do 21 days of subliminals but because I’ve been sick and people have been asking me to extend this to a month or even 3 months, I might give a try on at least covering a whole month then I’ll see if I’ll extend it even more.

I’ve been mostly sick since there was a heatwave in my city and next week there’s going to be a severe weather change of cold and strong rain and storms. I’m chronically ill and while my health isn’t usually an issue, severe weather changes affect it. My defenses are really low and when someone arounds me carries something even as dumb as a cold, I get sick immediately. I feel much better but it has been hard juggling illness and work deadlines.

That being said, things haven’t been that bad. People close to me has brought me food and even my cousin came to take care of me and even did housework for me so I could rest. While this may sound like the most normal thing to anyone, in my case, this wouldn’t have been the case for me a year ago and even months ago. In my wildest dreams, I would have never imagined myself being this cared and treasured by so many people except for my SP. And when SP wasn’t around, I would be alone and miserable at bed whenever I was sick and that was very frequent.

With the discovery of the law, improving my self concept and the helpful subliminals… I don’t get as sick as often and when I do, I’m pretty much cared by others.

During this time, also people whom I thought cared about me showed their true colors and I decided to just think about myself. I was hurt on purpose and then gaslit, so I just wasn’t going to put up with that anymore. Especially because the same people have been gaslighting me for several months and disregarding my feelings towards matters that were really important to me. I decided to openly open up about this to a close circle of friends of mine and while people got really protective towards me, I told them that I could stand up for myself but I was really grateful that people finally understood my feelings and point of view when it came to things important to me such as my career path and my feelings towards SP.

While this isn’t a “cool manifestation” such as my phone and computer to possibly many people, this is a very valuable thing to me since my feelings tended to be dismissed a lot and there were a lot of people accepting me wanting SP for example but were really against him. But they finally understood that I’m aware of SP’s actions, I am not justifying the bad behavior and I can still love him while acknowledging that. Fear is one of the most scary feelings someone can have and it makes you do things that hurt you and others, he is now facing his demons and I know he’ll be back. But waiting doesn’t mean my life stops and that I’ll put up with hurtful behavior from him again if he cannot control his negative feelings. I’m in love but not pathetic.

Plus, what people doesn’t know is that I’m manifesting the best version of him. People currently think I’m lucky or that I do witchcraft and it works, it’s difficult for everyone to understand the law because of the fear of cults, the toxic positivity and wellness industry and that a lot of people are quite young in the community so they think it might be a fad. It doesn’t help that subliminals hav become famous due to the wrong reasons.

Still, it was shocking for people to hear my have an outburst and being strongly serious because I’m either too carefree or too controlled when it came to my feelings. But now, I know who’s a true friend and who’s not besides seeing who came to visit me when sick and whatnot. I don’t count the people who’re too busy with their own stuff though, I’m not that selfish.

As for my career path, somehow as soon as I voiced what I wanted to do, I am coming across tools and things that make my desires for my career path be either more easy or possible. So that’s another point for LoAss there lol.

About material things, I got many things for my new computer for free and it feels amazing. I have a new keyboard, small things to raise my screens, etc…

Still, one of the best things I’ve done with LoAss was to ask this to the law:

-I know what I feel about my SP, I’m totally sure about him. Still, I know that maybe I haven’t been as specific when it came to many things about what I want in this relationship to visualize this better. Because of my old story with parental abuse and even abuse by partners, it’s difficult to define what I would like because in the past I felt I wasn’t even given options. So, law, as a God… Show me what lies in my heart and how good in can get, turn SP into what I really want and need once you help me see better.

As soon as I did this, I came across romantic material and such that resonated with me. Also LoAss content that actually resonated with me and now I feel much calm and better. I really can feel I really shouldn’t worry. He really is with me because I’m the best.

I see the signs more intense than ever too… So I’m ready.

Still LOL how the hell am I going to explain many of the things in my life to him when we are together? I guess I’ll shroud myself in mystery, poor him.

[septembersghost]

Sorry to send this random message, but since you like both elvis and taylor I was curious for your opinion. I've seen people comparing would've could've should've to elvis and priscilla's relationship and that they can't wait for videos set to that when the priscilla movies comes out... saying elvis is like the subject of that song stuns me and breaks my heart, but what do you think?

don't be sorry honey! <3 it's such a complex topic and is often misjudged/weaponized with the worst intent, which tends to be unfair to both of them.

prefacing this with priscilla herself saying, “It’s hurtful, for a man who has given so much, to have others pick him apart. I’ll die defending him and his legacy. Because he deserves it.”

also going to refer to this ask from a few months ago.

okay, to be more blunt than i typically am, their relationship overall should not have happened, for a lot of reasons and both their sakes, but i don't like saying that because it erases the love they shared, cilla's agency, lisa marie's existence (and her children's), and the entirety of the life they shared, and i don't think that's right to do. should elvis have turned her down gently and guided her away when they first met? probably! should her parents have put their foot down and told her absolutely not, in no uncertain terms, were they sending her to memphis, and insisted she move on and continue her normal life? yes. she was an emotional young woman who was head over heels in love with one of the biggest stars in the world, and who can blame her, but she would've gotten over it. but that's not what happened. so we have to contend with what did.

elvis was a complicated, sometimes mercurial, often wonderful, man. he had come through extraordinary and extreme events literally from birth, and certainly in the rise of his star, experienced a certain degree of...i don't want to use this phrase, but arrested development?...because of his unusual circumstances. (no judgment on that, i have talked many times about being frozen at 19 because of what's happened in my life, i really empathize with why certain things were difficult and disorienting for him in my own tiny way, just like i, as someone chronically ill, hold empathy for his health too). he was dealing with what i'd categorize not only as profound grief and loneliness following his mother's death, but also compounded trauma for a number of reasons.

i think about the quote from his costar in follow that dream, anne helm, saying he was still such an innocent, "He was surrounded by a lot of people that took advantage of his generosity. It was a more innocent time. I mean, Elvis was -- how old was he? 24, 25? [Actually, Elvis was 26 when the film was shot in the summer of 1961.] He was a baby, and I was, too. We were very young. As much as Elvis was a celebrity, he was a big kid, he was a lot of fun." he had an inherent earnestness and compassion that was guileless.

one of his contradictions here is that, with priscilla, he also had a paternalistic quality where he was looking after her and doing what he thought was best for her. the people who try to frame this as predatory claim he was abusing her, even though that is not how priscilla characterizes it. he had this need to nurture and be nurtured, and he tried to look after her, but he was far from perfect in doing so since his lifestyle wasn't conducive to some of what she needed. that said, he set definitive boundaries with her for a reason. had he been preying on her maliciously, the end goal would've always been exploiting her in some way (namely for sex), but we know he decidedly didn't do that, that in fact she was very frustrated with him because he refused to sleep with her for multiple reasons, and wouldn't until they were married. by which point she was very much a consenting adult.

guiding her look the way he did i don't think he meant to be controlling or harmful, his approach wasn't inherently abusive, it came from genuine care. everyone knew he was pushing it, but they were in love and sometimes no amount of arguing will defy that. he had conflicted feelings about marriage, but i think he really did desire that security of family and love and home, even though he struggled with the commitment of that, and he also never felt wholly seen, safe, or secure in any of his romantic relationships. (this wasn't unique to priscilla, it's a recurring theme). and tbh a lot of that was also likely rooted in trauma, because that has effects on a person.

it's also relevant to note that it was an entirely different time. outrage on the internet prefers to ignore this, but it's vital for context. it may not excuse their initial connection, but by the time she went to memphis, and certainly by the time they got married, their romance and marriage wouldn't have been that unusual. the age gap discourse has gotten REALLY BAD and utterly flattened in a way that ignores all nuance and all particulars of the human beings involved. it doesn't always equate to abuse. it's unkind at the least and dehumanizing at the most to categorize every dynamic that way, and when priscilla herself refutes it and has never called herself a victim, i am not going to categorize him that way. relationships are vast and unique and imperfect, and sometimes people just fall in love! it's not intended for mass consumption or approval by total strangers, especially decades later.

priscilla herself discusses her girlhood and her growth into womanhood, and how much a part of it he was, how he was often many different roles to her. she mentions her naivete, her feelings of unsophistication, and how she grew into herself.

they both grew and changed. and some of that led them in distinctly different directions. she also mentions how they shared a connection and warmth, that in many ways they found more kindnesses and understanding for one another after they divorced. she, and we, will never know how their dynamic might have continued because his death closed that door forever, but she has grieved and loved him. she's not perfect either, and certainly i don't agree with everything she's done, but i cannot abide vilifying elvis and victimizing priscilla when that wasn't their story. they both deserve better and more understanding than that.

how dare people decide for her that she was deceived or that her girlhood was stolen? how dare people disregard her own words and experience and the love she has for him in such a puerile and vicious way?

taylor's story is HER STORY. she didn't intend for it to be applied to others without their consent, or copy/pasted over other dynamics. what she experienced with john was wholly different. he did take advantage of her in a calculated sense. he did use her youthful worship of him and how enamored she was to manipulate her, and then turned it against her. it wasn't a loving dynamic between them at all - she was in love and he got an ego boost and thought he could also make a conquest. it damaged some of her sense of herself, her approach to sex, love, and relationships, and permanently impacted her in some ways - even if she's healed, she shared that the scars still exist and haunt her. it's nowhere near the same tone that priscilla (nor any woman) uses about elvis. i think it's awfully presumptuous and cruel to decide to boil them down to 30 second fan edits using an extremely raw and personal song written generations later about an entirely different experience.

it's...gross and exploitative, not supportive or sympathetic to cilla. the agenda of it to cut down elvis is transparent. lisa would hate it. i really, really disagree with it and it's just a way to outrage bait. and it breaks my heart too. i know it's going to happen, i'm sure those little tiktoks will be prevalent, but i will not be giving them any credence or attention. i respect them both too much for that, and understand their mistakes and imperfections, and tbh cherish him more as a human, a sensitive and generous soul, and an artist than anyone can ever understand when they try to tear him down.

[checkoutmybookshelf]

Damn Right the Perfect Queen Uses a Cane

Fairbanks is somehow simultaneously too small and too large a town. Apparently one of my very best friend's partner has been friend with Elva Birch since they were both teenagers, so that's a degree of Kevin Bacon I was super not expecting but shouldn't have been surprised by, because I KNOW how small a town Fairbanks is. None of which is strictly relevant to why we're talking about the second book in the Dragon Prince of Alaska series, but it is a fun little Fairbanks Fact. Which is even wilder because this book starts in Florida. So let's talk The Dragon Prince's Librarian.

This is, as is typical on this blog for sequels and mid-series books, a SPOILERIFIC REVIEW. Be warned.

Ok guys, I swear we aren't going to do all six books of this series here, and I know I am way overdue for the next Dresden Files book, but where I take just...every single possible issue with how the Dresden Files handles disability, this book handles it SO FREAKING WELL. Tania is realistically tired, realistically has good and bad days, realistically uses mobility aids, and realistically has that all-too-familiar feeling of "No, no, you don't even get to DREAM of being rescued from this situation because a) it will be too painful when it doesn't happen and b) you getting rescued doesn't fix the hideous inequities of the US healthcare system and frankly, that shit NEEDS fixing."

Additionally, I appreciate that Tania doesn't hate her cane. She recognizes that it lets her move and stand independently and it can up her quality of life, if only in small ways. What she hates is that the cane is UGLY. And that is entirely fair, because there is nothing worse than a boring, utilitarian mobility aid that stands out from you and your aesthetic rather than integrating with you. And Rian, absolute PRINCE that he is (pun fully intended), doesn't try to fix or cure Tania, he gets her a beautiful cane that integrates with her personality and aesthetic. That level of support literally made me cry. And then I cried MORE because while Rian couldn't fix the American healthcare system, what he COULD do was donate a ton of equally beautiful canes in Tania's name in such a way that the people who need them most can access them, the process for getting them is as simple and barrier-free as possible, and Rian took care of ALL of this so Tania did not have to expend spoons on it. The care and attention included in how thoughtful and well-executed this was was absolutely breathtaking. Literally, our reality is not this good, and I love that this book took such care and respect with how disability/chronic illness and mobility aids are handled. At no point did any of it feel patronizing, infantilizing, catastrophizing, or an attempt to "fix" something that was "broken" or "lesser." Just A+ no notes, and I don't say that often about representations of disability in books.

The other thing that I just felt in my bones about this book is how the end of Tania's academic career played out. She literally got gatekept and gaslighted because the Small Kingdoms erased every single trace of her master's thesis, her primary sources, and even her ADVISOR (who was paid to disappear, not killed). This very handily gets Tania kicked out of school, and as her health worsens, she also loses her job and health insurance, so by the time Rian shows up at her front door in Florida, Tania's life has literally fallen apart and it is 90% Rian's fault. Which makes the whole fated mates thing SUPER awkward, because she's rightfully pissed with him for torpedoing her degree and academic career, and also he then gaslit the hell out of her about that until he realized they were fated mates, came clean, apologized, and...proposed. It was awkward as hell, you guys.

And let me say, as someone who went to grad school, had someone gone from admitting they torpedoed my life and gaslit me about it to proposing marriage, they would have been super mega deadsies. Like, no questions asked, they just would have been annihilated by the sheer force of my rage.

But fated mates and romance novel, so Tania just mostly spends the whole book going "remember how you torpedoed my thesis?" in varying tones. Rian is literally never living that down, and he shouldn't, because frankly he was lucky to SURVIVE admitting that.

Overall though, I was so happy with the representation of disability and a healthy, positive relationship that includes a disabled person, as well as Tania and Rian as characters, I was willing to overlook insufficient consequences for fucking with a grad student's thesis. Because this book was a delight to read, and it is UNQUESTIONABLY my favorite book in the series.

[crackednailsandsplitends]

The Stages We Go Through of Chronic Illness

Denial, pleading, desperation, anger, grief, anxiety and depression; loss of self, confusion, and hopefully, acceptance

The Stages We Go Through of Chronic Illness

As someone battling chronic illness, I can attest to the rollercoaster of emotions and stages we go through when faced with such a life-altering condition. The journey is far from straightforward, and each stage presents its unique challenges and hurdles.

First comes:

Denial

The initial stage for many of us is denial. It's a coping mechanism, a shield we subconsciously put up to protect ourselves from the harsh reality of our diagnosis, more so when you are diagnosed with a stigmatised illness, thus, a chronic illness that has been infamously neglected by the medical world.

I remember the days when I convinced myself that the debilitating symptoms I was experiencing were just temporary, there must be a cure, or that it was all in my head. Denial is a comforting bubble, a safe haven that eventually bursts, thrusting us into the unwavering truth of our condition.

Pleading and Desperation

Once denial starts to disappear into the back of our minds, we are thrust into a panic, where we find ourselves pleading for a way out of our predicament, pleading for more tests to be done, pleading to be referred to different consultants. Desperate for it not to be the untreatable, the stigmatised and historically one of the most medically ignored chronic illnesses. We scour the internet looking at symptoms to say hey, that is not my illness; the Doctors must have got it wrong; we consult countless doctors; we try every alternative therapy in a desperate attempt to regain control over our bodies. The helplessness and desperation engulf us, overshadowing any sense of rationality.

Anger

Anger is a powerful and consuming emotion that many of us experience as we grapple with chronic illness. Anger brings frustration and heartbreak and heightens panic and desperation. Anger towards our bodies for betraying us, anger towards the world for being unfair, anger towards those who don't understand our daily battles. It's a stage filled with frustration, bitterness, and resentment.

Anxiety and Depression

As we navigate the turbulent waters of chronic illness, anxiety and depression often become our unwelcome companions. The constant worry about the future, what we can’t do anymore, all our dreams are gone, the feelings of isolation, the struggle to find joy in the midst of pain – it all takes a toll on our mental well-being. The weight of carrying an invisible burden can be suffocating, dragging us into a spiral of darkness.

Loss of Self and Confusion

Chronic illness has a way of stripping away the layers of our identity, leaving us feeling lost and confused. The hobbies we once enjoyed, the careers we worked so hard for, and the social life we cherished all seem to slip through our fingers as we grapple with the limitations imposed by our condition. Who are we now, in this new reality we never asked for?

Finally:

Acceptance

And then, after traversing through the depths of despair, we arrive at acceptance. It's not a sudden revelation but a gradual surrender to our circumstances. Acceptance is not synonymous with defeat; it's a state of peace that comes from acknowledging our reality and learning to live in harmony with it. It's about finding a new normal, redefining our priorities, and rediscovering joy in the little victories.

Final Thoughts

The stages of chronic illness are a tumultuous journey through the intricacies of human emotions. While the path may be fraught with challenges, it's also a testament to our resilience and strength. As we navigate denial, pleading, grief, anger, and acceptance, we learn to embrace our vulnerabilities and cultivate a deeper sense of compassion—for ourselves and for others walking a similar path.

Let's remember that it's okay not to have it all figured out, to feel lost in the midst of chaos, and to seek support when needed. Our journey with chronic illness is unique, but we are never alone in our struggles. We can find solace in shared experiences, lean on each other for strength, and forge ahead with unwavering determination.

Stay strong, dear warriors/spoonies. The road ahead may be challenging, but the light of hope shines brightly in the depths of our resolute hearts.

About me

I am a married mother of four children. One of those four children is our granddaughter, for whom we are SGO (legal guardians)/kinship carers. I run a small business and enjoy writing, so I blog. My blog focuses on my family life as well as my experiences of living with chronic illnesses and disabilities such as ME/CFS, spinal stenosis, chronic pain, and fibromyalgia.  Oh, and I am only in my mid-40s.

[sitron-sunni]

a get to know you better meme

tagged by @dummerjan, tysm!<33

do you make your bed? no.

what's your favourite number? Four! No reason behind it, I've just always really liked four.

what is your job? don't have one

If you could go back to school, would you? I'm in school! I actually had to drop out for several long years due to chronic illness. I had to move to find a school willing to provide accommodations, but I got started again with online classes almost three years ago. Now, I'm finally (finally!!), wrapping up my last subject for upper secondary school, which qualifies me for higher education. I literally sent in my application for art school last night<3 Everything is terrifying but also exciting but also terrifying but also there's no other way but forward, so.

can you parallel park? nope, I can't drive.

a job you had that would surprise people? Have not had any jobs.

do you think aliens are real? Well yes. the universe is infinitely big, I do believe some form of life exists out there, whether single-cell organisms or a more intelligent species. Do I think they came over here and built the pyramids? no. no i do not.

can you drive a manual car? still can't drive...

what's your guilty pleasure? i don't know, do i have one? I like lots of things people might find cringe, like, 80's love ballads or early one direction songs, but I wouldn't say there's anything I think of as a guilty pleasure.

tattoos? can look really cool on other people, though they're not necessarily something I'm inherently attracted to. also, they are not meant for me. I'm too indescisive, too afraid of making a mistake, and too aware of how changeable I am. I hope I keep growing and changing for the rest of my life, and I don't wanna put marks on my body that define me as someone I've moved away from, if that makes sense.

that being said, there are some tattoo artists i follow on instagram whose work i really like. People who do the loveliest watercolour work, people with insane colors, people with gorgeous, folk art-style. If I had to get a tatto, I would go to one of them, and let them dream up something wonderful.

favourite colour? yellow! yellow-y orange! sunlight!<3

favourite type of music? I think spotify usually tells me it's some type of folk indie pop rock-thing, but it's easier to answer the reverse: I don't really listen to opera, screamo/heavy metal or dubstep/edm. Aside from that? I love gathering artists and songs of all different styles from all over the world in all different languages. I'm eclectic at heart.

do you like puzzles? yes, although it's a struggle to do physical puzzles as I can't seem to find a spot with good lighting. But I've done lots of digital puzzles and they're fun.

any phobias? my fear of insects has gotten progressivley worse. specifically the crawling ones. especially if they have lots of legs, and are fast. ughhhh. does it classify as a phobia? idk.

favourite childhood sport? the words 'childhood' and 'sport' in combination are rarely associated with enjoyment for me. idk. we played a game similar to baseball sometimes, that would probably have to be the one but... I've never really been a sports-person...

do you talk to yourself? Hm. rarely out loud, but often in my head.

what movie(s) do you adore? the first lotr movie = ultimate comfort movie. Mamma mia, pretty woman, notting hill, wild child = fond childhood memories w/ my mom. Billy Elliot and the way back are two movies I've watched several times and really really enjoyed, like they just stand out in my mind. Divines, which I stumbled across on netflix, is possibly my fave. If I were to rec someone one movie, it would be that one. I just think it's good. I vibe with it.

coffee or tea? coffee, I cannot stand tea.

first thing you wanted to be growing up? A hairdresser, maybe? and I wanted to be a designer for several years after I read the book threads by sophia bennett, lol. Grew out of that one around 13/14 i think.

tagging whoever sees this and wants to do it!<3

[mysticalspiders]

Imogen and Invisible Illness

I’ve been ruminating on making a post like this for a while but have never been sure exactly what I wanted to say. But I’ve read some great Imogen meta and meta of the Bell’s Hells in general that has really inspired me to make this post (particularly this post by @darkdisrepair, this post by @funscarylaudna, and this post by @sparring-spirals )

I have never related to a critical role character (and possibly any character) more than I have Imogen. So much of her characterization and details resonate with me on such a deep level. There are probably many reasons for this but I think a big one is that Imogen and her dreams/constant press of people’s thoughts are a good representation of invisible, chronic illness that I think hasn’t been portrayed before (or isn’t portrayed very often, especially in fantasy). 

Imogen resonates with me, particularly as someone who has invisible, chronic illnesses that affect me physically and mentally and has experienced first hand the complected relationship between physical and mental pain.

The way Laura has subtly played both the acceptance of Imogen’s dreams/mind-reading abilities coupled with the desire to learn more and understand and potentially cure (?) them mixed with some of the harsh realities of Imogen’s life (difficulty with crowds, drinking having a negative effect on her health, etc) has been so accurate to my own personal experience. The struggle between feeling the burden of her mind reading/dreams and the acceptance of it. 

The difficulty Imogen has in expressing her need for space away from crowds and how she quietly sacrifices her health for the sake of the group (the ball, bars, etc). 

Imogen’s isolation in being the only one able to experience what she is experiencing and unable to find someone (so far) who truly understands what she goes through (this particularly being heightened by Imogen’s ability to understand what others are going through so much more than others threw her abilities).

The moment that hit me right in the chest was the line “I removed my mask and I'm standing over on the side, hand against the wall, just breathing.” It was played partly as a joke but I have been here before, I have done this. 

Not to mention, the hints of her relationship with her father and his reaction to her powers “It was hard for him, you know? Because I didn't want to be around very many people, and... he just kind of-- distanced himself because he knew it made me more comfortable, and... you know, the people in town started talking, and I think he tried to distance himself socially as well for a while to try to, you know. Not his fault, totally.” When she says these lines I know exactly what she’s talking about because this has been me. When I am my most sick I find it hard to be social and talk to people and so I distance myself from my family and friends and my family and friends distance themselves from me. 

I also have so many feelings about Imogen and Laudna’s connection and friendship and the way the Laudna supports Imogen through this lens (her acceptance of Imogen has she is, her advocacy for Imogen, her calm, grounded support and help). Laudna supports Imogen in such a beautiful way that grounds without minimizing, supports without pitying, listens without judgment or expectation. 

In fact, I think this party as a whole have a lot characters that could be read through chronic illness/disability/neurdivergent lenses. I’m particularly thinking of Imogen, with her telepathic mind and terrible headaches, and Ashton with their jeweled head. But FCG with their unusual body (?) and mind and Laudna with her undeadness fit into this reading and metaphor to a lesser extent as well.

This meta is a mess because I don’t really have much more to say than that I love Imogen and that Imogen might be the character I have most related to in my life and that I have never felt more seen. The representation of invisible illness has been wonderful and I am desperately excited to see how it develops across the rest of this campaign. 

[melodicnommer]

Hi I’m here to project onto fictional characters so here’s some Encanto headcanons

This one’s already popular but, Bruno is autistic. His superstisious knocks and such are some of his stims. 

He also loves to run his hands through the sand in his room but he will never touch wet sand. He hates the clumpy texture and how it sticks to his hands. At the same time he hates how wet spackle feels as well but he wanted to help Casita anyway so “Jorge” was kinda his way of pushing past the discomfort.

He has trouble sleeping because his power tends to slip through and disrupt his dreams (this happens more while he is living in the walls because the falling sand in his room helps him sleep)

--

Dolores wears earplugs when her power gets overwhelming

She doesn’t do it often at first, feeling like she’s ignoring everyone if she can’t constantly hear everything

She has a tendency to whisper or otherwise talk quietly because she can hear herself so well anyway she doesn’t notice

The Madrigals learned sign language so that she can communicate when everything is too loud

She has anxiety and whenever she hears a secret in the town she tends to overthink about it. “Is this a sercret I should keep to myself? Or is someone going to get hurt if I don’t tell anyone? Wait, do other people already know? What if I forget that I’m the only one who heard it and it slips out?!”

post-movie she tries to work on not having to be the mediator of the Encanto so much. She wears her ear plugs more often so that she only hears stuff happening around the house

In the movie she mentions that Mariano talks loudly. After they start dating his voice becomes soothing to her and whenever she gets overwhelmed he sings for her to give her something to focus on. She loves hearing him sing throughout the day too while they’re apart

--

Camilo has chronic pain (this is the real projection, baby)

His power strains his joins and muscles after a while if he shapeshifts too much in a day

they have a bad habit of doing just that, which leads to ice packs and long hot baths in the evening to recover (Julieta can help a little with her meals, but her power heals specific injuries and illnesses, not something like this)

he eats a lot to keep up with his metabolism (Félix only scolded him about stealing seconds because he and the family are meant to wait until everyone has a plate before diving for more. It’s manners, Camilo!)

they’re genderqueer and comfortable with any pronouns, but they get mad when anyone defaults to “he/him” when they are in their regular form because they don’t have a “default” gender. Only a default appearance.

He’s a bit of a hopeless romantic and is incapable of hiding his crushes because whenever he thinks too hard about somone he’ll morf into them (think the Guzmans dinner when Dolores spilled the tea)

They involunatrily shift when they feel pain or surprise because their power aligns with their other reflexes in their brian. Step on something sharp? Become taller to move away from the offending object. Hit your head on something? Become shorter to dodge it, etc

There’s more in my brain somewhere but here you go for now

[hyperesthesias]

How the Batch Comforts You with Your Chronic Pain

SUMMARY: Some Soft headcanons on how The Batch Boys™️ would take care of you on a flare day.

CONTENT: Gender Neutral ; No ailment is specified in particular, besides chronic pain ; brief allusion to cannabis ; SFW.

NOTES: I love our Boys! <3 They would take very good care of you when you're hurting. I really enjoyed writing this, I may continue writing for the chronic pain/disabled SW community. We don't get a lot of recognition and it's been therapeutic to write some visibility for us!

Enjoy, loves! 💖

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Crosshair

Is the protective one.

Seriously. He will fight anyone who comes near you while you're trying to rest. If you need your space, consider your space locked down just for you.

He can see exactly what is bothering you and where. Which makes him perfect at back massages. He also has impeccable taste in lotions and oils, from having rough hands himself, so you have a selection to choose from!

These massages can be strictly platonic, or very sensual! Whichever you prefer. He's very respectful of your space and needs. He gets it, he needs a lot of space and has a lot of boundaries himself.

Gives you lots of words of reassurance. Chronic pain can take a toll on the mental health, and he can see that, too. He gives you quiet whispers of comfort. No one else can hear them, they're just for you.

He's also perfect to lean against. You can sit right in front of him, leaned back against his chest with your full weight and he'll support you.

He thinks it's cute when you fall asleep like that. 💖

Echo

He draws a bath for you. Puts some Epsom salts in, along with some healing tinctures. It's so comforting and relaxing. You're able to float there, buoyant and without any pressure on trigger points or joints.

If you want him to join, he's more than happy to! All of his prosthetics are completely waterproof so there's no concern. He likes taking baths, too, it relieves pressure from his connective joints. But if you prefer to be alone, he's more than happy to put your clothes and towels on the counter and wait outside for you.

He makes you a pain relieving concoction: a tea and a lotion. He's studied many alternative remedies to help with his own struggles, he's got a whole notebook full of ideas. It helps. It's soothing, and it's nice to have the quiet company as you both sip your tea together. He also has an herb you can smoke, too, but that's entirely up to you. ;)

When you're feeling a bit more mobile, or if you're feeling stiff, he has a gentle stretch routine he would practice in his recovery. It helps wake the joints up and lubricate the bones a bit. It's simple, nothing strenuous, and it soothes some of the aches. He's right there to support you if you lose your balance or can't continue.

He's very empathetic, someone you can trust with how you feel. You know he gets it, and he's always very compassionate.

Hunter

He can sense when you're going to have a flare the day before.

He has a whole game plan on how to help you.

It's a little excessive.

Once he chills out though, he realises all he needs to do is listen. He's a great listener.

You both come to an understanding that you have similar physical experiences. He didn't really consider it before, but he realises he has a degree of chronic pain, too. It was all he'd ever known and he didn't know anyone else who was different like him, too. It's a very personal, bonding experience between the both of you.

This makes him easy to talk to. You're able to get a lot off your chest on how your illness affects you, how it makes you feel. It's not something you get to talk about often in a safe setting, he just sits and listens.

He doesn't judge you if you cry.

He lets you borrow his most prized possession: his fuzzy blanket. He bought it for himself after an assignment on Naboo. It's soft, silky, so warm and cuddly. Nothing about it itches or tickles or scratches. It's the only thing that doesn't cause pain against your skin.

He's determined to buy you one next time they're on Naboo.

Tech

This man has the lo down on every symptom you have. Literally. Like a whole ass binder full of every piece of knowledge on your particular ailment. You're practically better off consulting him than a doctor (which, let's be real, would probably be for the better anyway).

He knows he can get real clinical. He also knows you've probably had a lot of that in your life already -- like he and the other clones. He knows how tiring it can be, to be looked at like an object or an experiment instead of a living, breathing being.

So his most sensitive side comes out when you're having a flare. He speaks quietly and deliberately, he tries not to touch you, he reminds you to take your medicine on time. He even has it in a little pill box with a glass of water or juice for you.

He's very thoughtful. He anticipates everything you need. He has a heating pad ready, ice packs in the freezer, he even makes you a nutritional drink for you to sip on if you're not up to eating.

Is secretly a cuddle bug. At night when you're preparing to go to sleep, he wraps you in the blanket you're sharing and puts his arm around you. You fit perfectly against his chest, a snug little spoon. He gives you a kiss on the head and wishes you sweet dreams, mesh'la. 💖

Wrecker

Oh, Wrecker. He's the gentlest of them all. So tender. He knows he can be super loud, so he does his best to whisper. It's a loud whisper, but still. You appreciate it. Sound can be hard to process through the pain.

He is PREPARED. Like he has a whole ass kit ready for your flare days. He keeps it for you, special.

At the end of the day, he just wants to be useful. He knows he's not usually equipped to handle sensitive situations like this, so he does the absolute best he can to learn and do what he can.

He is the best person to marathon TV shows with. Complete with hilarious commentary.

This man would do anything to make you laugh. He loves laughing with you.

It helps take away the pain. Takes your mind off of everything. His sense of humour is the perfect balance between just dark enough, and wholesome.

OBVIOUSLY a huge cuddle bug, too. A very gentle cuddle bug. He knows his strength, and he knows when to be tender.

He likes playing with your hair, stroking your scalp -- it calms you both and brings you both some comfort.

💖

[not-poignant]

what's arden like as a pro dom? How'd he get into it? Does he have regular clients or does he mostly do one off?

what's arden like as a pro dom?

He's a bit of a chameleon actually! He doesn't have one single domination style (to be honest, in my experience many professional dominants don't, since they're being paid, unless they're fully incompatible with their client they will often shift what they're doing to suit the client). Arden can go from hard and brutal humilliation and sadism, to extremely soft cuddle sessions with a tied up rope bunny.

I'd say he's known professionally as being very consent focused, and also being a good lateral thinker / problem solver, making him appealing to disabled, easily triggered, and chronically ill patients who deal with high pain or mobility issues but still want to experience pain.

While he has areas of specialisation (rope, corporal, etc.) I'd say there's areas he's less directly specialised in - like complex electroplay rigs (especially because the really complex electroplay enthusiasts can easily spend $10,000 on what they're doing. So it's an intense area to get a special interest in.

Arden's especially good at roleplay, since he finds characters quite easily. So he can and will quite happily play pet owner, daddy, military commander, disappointed teacher, etc. and I'd say he actually has quite a few 'costumes' that he uses to help get him into the mindset.

How'd he get into it?

I think he fell into it. I'd say because of a lot of casual public (in clubs) play and never having long-term relationships (though he does have some long-term clients, like he's mentioned that in the story), and because of his enthusiasm and being around the scene very intensively for a while, it probably didn't take long for someone to say 'look I will pay you if you do this specific thing for me/to me, does $300 an hour sound good to you.'

At that point Arden realised he could go into professional domination (the money can be very good, but there aren't a ton of protections for people who practice), and probably talked to Kadek about it, since he met him early on in the scene. Arden definitely had a period of time where he easily scooping around $10-15k a week just on professional domination. He has a sliding scale now re: what he charges (between $200-500 an hour depending on what is asked for, and higher when he's hired for public performances at events or shows), and he also makes a lot of supplementary income off Youtube advertising, as well as online kink course subscriptions. Dude has bank.

Does he have regular clients or does he mostly do one off?

Arden has a lot of regular clients. In Falling Falling Stars, there's a model called Mark in the book Pastel Shibari Dreams who Efnisien learns ages from dominance into submission, and is dealing with grief, and Arden says this about him:

‘Yeah, he’s (Mark's) doing great. I mean he has a lot of grief, and I think he’ll always have that, but I guess you’ll see some more of his journey if you ever look through more of the book. There’s bits of dialogue and interviews with the models, and with us as well. Mark’s one of my regulars. How he is now compared to how he was when I first met him is really amazing. He’s working again, he has like four rescue cats that he adores, and he got into knitting through a couple of other subs that he met in the community and now he runs a knitting group.’

Arden's statement 'Mark's one of my regulars' implies that Arden has many regular clients.

He does see clients in one off situations, but that's rarer. (That's just a logistics thing. If a client finds a professional dom who does exactly what they need, they usually come back. One off clients are usually those who a) get over their shame re: the taboo thing they like and look for it in a relationship (i.e. the dom helps them overcome their shame and validates them enough that they feel empowered to look for it elsewhere), b) run out of money, c) are incompatible with the professional dom or had a bad experience).

So basically Arden has regular clients, and then when he's personally playing in the scene, he usually seeks out casual play partners who know him and aren't attached to him beyond those moments they connect in clubs. Arden is happy to work with complete strangers! He definitely has a lot of one off encounters in his casual play? But on a professional level, his regulars make up a core part of his income.

He also got Isabelle as a 'kind of gift' from a regular long-term client:

‘Kind of a gift,’ Arden said, beckoning Efnisien over. When Efnisien was standing by him, Arden hooked a hand around Efnisien’s side and leaned his head into his torso. Efnisien stared down at Arden’s brown hair and wanted to touch it, but didn’t. ‘Okay, so, I’ve had this long-term client. And one of the things with puppies is that you have to socialise them to get them used to all different kinds of people, like, all colours, different clothing, different sounds, different textures and stuff.

So yeah! :D

[mikeysgerard]

As promised, here’s a little Q&A of the author!

(Story: When both our Fates collide on ao3 )

 Are you British like our beloved Heartstopper characters?

I wish I was! I was born and raised in Germany and live in a little town by the beach right by the Baltic Sea. I spent a lot of my childhood in London though, because of my mum’s job, and been to Ireland and Scotland a couple of times on holiday. So, English is definitely not my first language, I hope you didn’t notice too much! *cringes*

Do you work in the medical field? I'm simply curious to know. You seem to know what you are talking about when it comes to this kind of stuff.

First of all, thank you! You’re right, I do work in the medical field. I work as a nurse in a lovely little retirement home, and it’s my absolute dream job. As Darcy said, it’s the most rewarding thing on earth- to help people. But I also think a lot of my knowledge comes from being chronically ill, for over a decade now, and I’ve lost track of the billion times I was hospitalised, had surgery and yeah, basically everything that comes with it.

Do you mind me asking how old you are? You seem very wise and cultured!

Of course I don’t mind. (not sure about being wise and cultured but thank you!!!) I’m turning 26 in November 😊

Can we create fanart for this story?

ABSOLUTELY! That would seriously be the biggest honour! Fanart, a trailer, podfic, honestly whatever you want- I’ll happily accept it all <3 <3 <3 I’d love to publish your art on my tumblr account (@mikeysgerard) and link it to this story as well!

How did you come up with this story? I feel like writing about the hospital is so specific and yet a brilliant idea.

Ahhh thank you! I remember many nights when I was alone in my hospital room and wished so badly I had someone my age to talk to, share my pain and fears with. I’d often imagine finding a really good friend and sneaking out at night to hide under staircases, to laugh and feel free again. That thought always comforted me when I was alone and afraid. (remember Nick and Charlie’s date? Rings a bell:) ?) I knew I wanted to write about that someday in some form or another, and then HS happened. Darcy was actually the one who inspired me to finally write down the first words and start this project when she said (in episode 8) that they could all pretend to have sprained ankles on sports day. That’s sort of how Nurse Darcy and Nick were born. I have a long history of mental health issues like Charlie himself, and I knew it would help me to write about some of those struggles, mainly his ED, the S*lf H*rm and the situation with his toxic parents. That’s how Charlie was born. When I first saw Mr. Ajayi on screen, I knew I wanted him to be their doctor and to this day it confuses me when someone in the series or comics refers to him as Mister Ajayi, instead of Doctor Ajayi, I’m just so used to that now haha! All in all, this story was a long time coming and I’m really proud that so many of you like what I have created here. That’s amazingly wonderful.

Besides the obvious ones, who is your fave heartstopper character (comic or series)?

Besides my VERY devoted love for Nick and Charlie, I also really love Julio and Oliver Spring, Mr. Ajayi, Tori and Darcy, obviously(!!!!) and my girl Imogen. (I have a gigantic crush on that lady!)

What’s your favourite song from the soundtrack? (thanks for creating that, btw I’ve found so many new and amazing songs!)

Oh I’m so happy you like the soundtrack! I honestly love them all, they mean so much to me by now, but whenever Life Is A Highway starts playing, I immediately imagine a very annoyed and sleepy Nick in his hospital bed and a cheeky Nurse Darcy with her bubble gum, opening the blinds and flopping down on Nick’s bed, and the thought alone makes me grin so SO much!

This question has come up a lot: are you going to continue writing?

The answer is: I hope so! I definitely have a few ideas in my mind that I’d love to explore. However, with my upcoming surgery- you guys might know about this from the chapter’s notes- I can’t tell you anything specific yet. I know that it’s a big surgery and the healing progress will take a lot of time, but I’m definitely motivated to continue writing. You guys most certainly are a BIG reason for that. You’ve been nothing but kind, respectful, caring and absolutely amazing. You’ve cheered me on so much and my heart is so, so full of all the love you have shown me. You made my summer very special and I will be forever grateful. I hope you know that. <3

 

Those were all your questions I’ve received both on ao3 and on tumblr, I hope I answered them to your liking! Here are a few more facts about me I’d like to share 😊

- I’m a single mum of a little boy

- My favourite colour is yellow

- I very much identify with Nick sexuality wise

- I suffer from Crohn’s Disease (thus another surgery, had 28 already *sigh*)

- My favourite Heartstopper episode is ep7 and Volume 4 of the graphic novels has my heart

- I’m vegan

- Spring and Autumn are my favourite seasons

- Despite my age, I still cuddle with my books. Nothing gives me more comfort than diving into another world and holding it close to my heart.

 

 

Thank you for coming on this journey with me. Ich hab euch alle unendlich lieb. Seriously, danke für alles <3 !

[kaizokuou-ni-naru]

The Voyage So Far: Alabasta (Part One)

east blue (1 | 2) || alabasta (1 | 2) || skypiea || water 7 || enies lobby || thriller bark || paramount war (1 | 2) || fishman island || punk hazard || dressrosa (1 | 2) || whole cake island || wano (1 | 2)

(this is a repost, i deleted the first version of it by accident cause im Idiot)

the entry into the grand line is such a great sequence. it feels like such an ending- a triumph after they’ve spent pretty much all of east blue struggling to make it here, and at the same time the beginning of a new adventure, the biggest yet, one that has yet to end a solid two decades later. they all look so happy to have made it here- it makes me smile.

whiskey peak is one of my very favorite short arcs, and i think of the whole first half of the baroque works saga its the one that hits and maintains a tone best (almost certainly because its so short, admittedly, but still). i love the repeated shots of the moon, the reveal that the cactuses are actually covered in graves, the way everything seems far too good to be true at the start and the sense of suspense that creates.

zoro’s extended fight scene in whiskey peak is so great- it’s so creative and so dynamic and the odds are stacked so high against him and yet he’s clearly having so much fun. i do miss this sort of scrappy, improvised fight, cause its largely absent from later one piece but its SO much fun to read- zoro cutting holes in rooftops for people to fall through or shoving ladders to the ground as bounty hunters try to climb them.

i’m a huge fan of fight scenes that use the environment to their fullest, and this is such a perfect example of it. it makes the fight feel a lot more real and exciting, in my opinion.

i’ve never liked zoro and luffy fighting at whiskey peak, its always struck me as frustrating and contrived and kind of out of character for both of them, but i will say that i do like how on the same page they are even when they’re trying to kill each other.

the entire first half of the baroque works saga basically serves to introduce and endear us to vivi so we’ll be invested in the alabasta conflict, and that starts here in whiskey peak, when we get our first glimpse of her actual personality rather than the act she was putting on as miss wednesday, when she bites her lip hard enough to bleed in order not to break down at igaram’s apparent death.

watching robin’s actions with the added context of later one piece is one of the great joys of rereading alabasta. she does a fantastic job of appearing to be crocodile’s most dedicated and capable and dangerous employee while quietly but consistently sabotaging his efforts; saving luffy, sparing pell, sparing igaram, not telling crocodile anything about the strawhats despite meeting them here at the very start of the saga.

little garden has some really cool and striking panels that really put the scale of things on the island, the dinosaurs and giants alike, into perspective, and i love it.

i’m a huge fan of the depth of in-universe lore one piece has. just having little details like this, quotes from books written in-universe, go so far towards making the world feel like a real and wondrous place with mysteries to be solved and details to be uncovered.

i still think sanji is firmly at his best when he’s being a sneaky bastard, and i will never cease to be delighted by how thoroughly he manages to fuck crocodile over with nothing but a phone and some quick thinking not once but twice.

i really like dorry and brogy! for minor characters who’ve only appeared in one relatively minor and inconsequential arc so far, they’re not only very fun and memorable but also leave a hell of an impact on the story, not only in usopp’s new dream of eventually visiting elbaf but also in how they and their crew just keep coming up, first in enies lobby and then even further down the line in dressrosa and whole cake island.

i’m really excited for when we eventually get to reach elbaf, because this plot thread has been so thoroughly and subtly built up over such a long time that i can’t wait to see how it ends.

this is one of my favorite little moments to really drive home how much the strawhats care about each other. they all fell asleep on the floor rather than leave nami alone.

the whole introductory scene to drum is a really good summary of who vivi is as a person and how she contrasts with luffy, and it’s something i’ve written extensively about in a past meta. here ill just settle for saying, vivi is chronically selfless, and always the sort of person to sacrifice herself for others, and these traits which save the strawhats here are the exact same ones that bring her and luffy to blows later on in alabasta.

a good thing to remember when writing characters is that traits aren’t really inherently good or bad, they’re just traits and can have positive or negative consequences depending on the situation, and i think oda is really good at this. vivi’s selflessness, usually a positive thing, becomes reckless self-sacrifice when she’s pushed to her breaking point.

‘kindness begets kindness’ is a pretty consistent theme throughout one piece, though luffy is most often on the other side of it. someone (rebecca, law, tama, etc.) does something for him without really expecting anything in return, and gets paid back a hundred times over. this is a case of the opposite- luffy helps someone offhandedly, and is later saved by their gratitude.

i think luffy wearing his fingers bloody as he climbs the drum rockies is the only time one piece has ever made me cringe back from the page. this sequence is absolutely brutal, and it’s so well-done.

the way luffy decides chopper should be his crewmate is precious, and also reminds me a little of his recruitment of sanji (ironically, given he’s talking to sanji about chopper here). in both cases he sees someone do something good without even really knowing the full extent of their abilities and makes a snap decision that they are awesome and are gonna be part of his crew, no matter what they have to say about it.

i really, really enjoy the way the drum island flashback is set up, with the cutaway right as luffy is about to punch wapol’s lights out. the cut back to that punch finally hitting when the flashback ends is by that point infinitely more satisfying, since you’ve just read chopper’s backstory and therefore have a deep and abiding desire to see wapol eat shit.

hiriluk’s final speech is definitely one of the best and most memorable quotes from one piece, and effectively the crux of one of its biggest themes. one piece is all about inherited will. all of our main cast and a solid percentage of the supporting cast bear the legacy of at least one forebear on their shoulders, from kuina to corazon to otohime. the entire setting of the story is defined by roger’s legacy.

all those people are dead, but they’re sure as hell not forgotten- how can they be, when their legacies are actively shaping the world as a direct result of their lives and influences?

i really, really like the use of flags in one piece. flags are how you declare loyalty or war in equal measure, and flying a pirate flag is a declaration that you’re choosing freedom, come what may, over the laws of the world government. it’s just a really excellent running motif, and a great symbol of what one piece’s definition of piracy means.

this scene is also one of the ones that gets even more extra weight behind it when you know luffy’s full backstory with sabo, which i love.

chopper’s recruitment scene sums up one of the reasons luffy is really great. he just doesn’t care about a lot of things other people would normally take notice of. occasionally that gets him in trouble, but other times it leads to him responding to a situation exactly right, like here. chopper is listing off all his insecurities and reasons he can’t go with the strawhats, and luffy just flat doesn’t care. he wants chopper on his crew and he knows chopper wants to be on his crew, so as far as he’s concerned, there’s no issue at all.

it really is wild that the will of D is named this far back in the story, and has consistently been referenced and built up ever since in very slight ways, through comments by characters like robin and corazon, and yet we still know basically nothing about it.

and a toast to a new crewmate!!

continued in the next post, which covers alabasta arc proper.

[lunarreaper-ut]

Do they have chronc illness? Having long(er) lives doesn't mean they can't feel it xD

So nighty, isn't corrupted but has some Kind of phantomn tentacles, interesting. Which makes me curious about killer and about his soul state? Is it like canon killer or... ??

I want to know... I really really do... Are there any rumors going around the castle? Especially about nighty and killer and their... Nightly visits~ uwu do people mistake it AS something else like *cough*naughty*cough* things or maybe believing nighty is torturing killer or idk, any Kind if ridiculous story? Do people even now that killer chills in nightys room (where he actually gets storys read by the king of night himself, lol. Its so cute i swear! Oh if they would know haha 🤭<3) And also ... Do they sometime uumm.. (Obliviously) happen to Cuddle while reading/listening to each other, sometimes???

Oh and Pls tell me... Do any of them have any Kind of habbits? Im curious^^

Ps: will u maybe make something like an relation chart someday??? Dont have to, just asking. :3

Oh these are good questions! All your questions are good but nonetheless >w<

Let's get into it!

Do the Kings have any Chronic Illnesses?

I'm not sure exactly what you mean, but I assume you're talking about like disabilities? Like how some people headcanon (me included) that the original Nightmare has back problems because of the tentacles?

If that's the case, then technically Nightmare does have one, but it's not the back issues. Nightmare has minor vision issues in his right eye, because of an injury in the past. He also has a pretty obvious scar, which makes him rather intimidating. I haven't mentioned it because I haven't finished his design yet and I haven't really had a reason to mention it >w<; (Honestly I haven't really described any of them o.o)

The Kings aren't really all that affected by their age, but they are capable of being scarred or permanently disabled. Their particularly strong immune systems also makes it hard for any serious chronic illnesses to afflict them. It's another one of those "It's not impossible, but it's certainly not likely" situations >w<

Is Killer's soul similar to his canon soul?

Yep! Killer's soul does appear outside of his body, but it is visually different from the original Killer. KV!Killer's soul seems to have a white pupil, like an eye! Killer is also able to move his soul around slightly, though only to position it differently around his body. (Such as moving it into the palm of his hand, or around his torso, though it takes a fair bit of effort and he never has a reason to do so.)

Killer's soul is also similar in that it can change into a heart shape when he's feeling particularly positive feelings!

Are there any rumors about Killer and Nightmare's late night visits?

Thankfully for them, no not yet! People don't really pay much attention to the King of the Night or his Guard, and Nightmare usually stays in his office until most of the staff have already gone to sleep. (He works late, Killer has been trying to break him out of the habit.)

Killer and Nightmare already walk around and spend a lot of time together (Since Killer is his Royal Guard), so the idea that Killer would escort Nightmare to his room isn't unsurprising even if someone saw them. If someone were to see Killer going into Nightmare's room, they'd probably just assume it was for some sort of check or precaution. Killer doesn't really sleep in there often either, so there's never been an incident of someone seeing him come out of Nightmare's room in the morning.

Do they cuddle during their late night visits?

Hehe >w< Killer tries to respect Nightmare's boundaries, so he doesn't really do a lot of physical contact with the King, but there are some times where they're a bit more comfortable with each other~! Killer might lean against Nightmare while he reads, or even lay his head in Nightmare's lap when he's feeling particularly bold, and Nightmare allows it.

When he asked what Killer was doing, he just said he was getting comfortable, and Nightmare left it at that. If Nightmare were to ever initiate any physical affection, Killer wouldn't even question it, and would just enjoy it!

So they don't really full on cuddle (yet), but there's some physical affection >w<

Do any of them have any habits?

I assume this is for the main four, so I'll go ahead and answer for those four!

Nightmare

Nightmare has a habit of working late (as previously mentioned). By the time he's finished, most of the castle have retired for the evening (other than those who work night shifts.) He's also developed the habit of scanning the rooms he enters before fully stepping in. That developed because of the assassination attempts.

Nightmare also has the habit (in private) of holding or squeezing comfort items, like the plushy he was gifted. If he can't do that, he taps surfaces. It usually ends up making him look impatient.

Dream

Dream has a habit of talking over people sometimes. He doesn't really mean to, and has been working to fix it. Being the King, he's never really had to fight for someone to listen, so he sometimes forgets that he should be the one listening. He mostly does this to Nightmare, but it truly isn't intentional.

He also has gained the habit of needing to touch Cross in some way if he's nervous. It's usually grabbing onto his clothes or even his hand, but having some contact with Cross is a comfort.

Cross

Cross' habits are mostly in relation to his training. He's developed such a strict routine over the years, that straying from it usually makes him feel off for the rest of the day. He has to do things a certain way or it just doesn't feel right.

Non work related habits though? Cross separates his food on his plate. He's not sure where the habit came from, but he likes keeping his food separated, even if it seems childish. He'll also end up grabbing food or drinks that Dream likes when he means to get something for himself.

Killer

Killer also has the habit of checking a room before entering it. This stems from his years running from the Guardsmen though. Not having eyelights makes it easier for him to carefully examine places or people without getting suspicious. He also habitually cleans his knives. He has to do it at least once a week, but he also does it when he's bored with nothing else to do.

If he's able to, Killer will count the people in the rooms he enters too, and keeps track of who leaves and who comes in. He makes note of people who might be issues, and never lets anyone get within a certain distance of Nightmare without him being certain they can't or won't do harm.

Most if not all of Killer's habits are related to his past or his current job, but there is one that I can think of that isn't job related! Killer has the habit of looking at Nightmare after he tells a joke or a pun. He wants to see Nightmare's reactions.

As for the relationship chart? I'm not sure! I could do one, I just haven't done one before so I dunno how I'd set it up >w<