#and as someone who also has chronic illness i often dream of going into the star trek future

[tuttle-did-it]

😭 you, too, eh? Sending big hugs.

POV: You got into a transporter malfunction.

Based on the House MD poster below the cut.

[dufferpuffer]

I’m going to agree with you siding with the werewolves. Just because JKR traced a really awkward metaphor that falls flat when one tries to frame it within the context of HIV, doesn’t mean that the general idea that lycantrophy is a stigmatised chronic illness is not very clear in the text. The biggest clue for me is the wolfsbane potion: it means the condition can be managed and rendered harmless to both the victim and people around them - but stigma and misinformation prevents this medication from becoming accessible to all.

Pretending JKR has never said anything about HIV, we still have someone suffering intense physical pain and discomfort, emotional distress (surely the average werewolf doesn’t want to accidentally kill their partner/children/family), social isolation, systemic oppression. Maybe if you read it flatly as “they do turn into man eating dangerous monsters” it’s easier to defend their blorbo for the hatred and prejudice. But it’s not like monsters haven’t been metaphors for complex sides of human nature for millennia, before JKR even dreamed of making it a poorly written HIV parallel.

I straight up think the author mentioning HIV at all was a mistake. Like she didn't even really mean it - she's just a stupid dumb idiot who doesn't think about what she says. Sure, she likely considered the life experiences of those with HIV as she planned out Remus and werewolves. It was a big issue while she was writing the books. But I think she made an error in saying she based werewolves on it.

Lycanthropy reflects broader themes of stigma, isolation, and societal failure that resonate with many, while having little specifically to do with HIV.

Her comment about HIV feels more like an attempt to sound insightful in an interview rather than a thought-out analogy. Not just because the HIV analogy is gross and harmful. Because the most obvious alternative fits better.

She puts a lot of her own life experiences into her characters. Depression, domestic abuse, childhood trauma, adult trauma, grief - perhaps even a little gender dysphoria. It gives authenticity to her portrayal of struggles like isolation, of how they change people. They have changed her. Unfortunately all that experience didn't stop her from being such a fucking bitch-

Part of her life experience has been scraping by in poverty while suffering severe mental illness - and her mother's multiple sclerosis. She's suffered the UK health system, lack of support, and relying on community - during the hellscape that was Margaret Thatcher.

As a disabled person, who is working with a lot of disabled people in worse situations than me this year (federal elections are coming up) - the way Remus is portrayed hits damn close to home. As far as I know she hasn't had personal experience with HIV.

Lycanthropy isn’t a direct metaphor for any single illness - it's a fantasy representation of how society treats those who are different, sick, or 'impure'. It’s less about the experience of having a disease and more about the social and systemic barriers faced by disabled people in general. From expensive and inaccessible medication all the way to being shunned from work you are provably able to handle.

Reducing it to a comparison with HIV misses the point and oversimplifies the complexity of what is conveyed within the text. Lycanthropy is intentionally broad - not intentionally specific.

Replace 'a cycle of actually transforming into a wolf' with 'a cycle of intense psychosis: an honest belief they have turned into a wolf' ...suddenly Lycanthropy takes a far more 'real' form.

I have no doubt HIV was an inspiration for Lycanthropy. I also have no doubt multiple sclerosis was, and any other disability the author had close contact with. The poverty line and homeless communes are full of the disabled - being disabled is often how you get there.

Lycanthropy's role in Harry Potter is more about what happens to sick people within society - how normal people being treated as unwanted monsters can lead to something dangerous.

[the-cornuthaum]

Depression's a bitch. If you haven't experienced it for yourself - good. Keep it that way. If you have, you might be able to read the last story parts of Lone Trail and draw some measure of solace from them, the knowledge that whoever was writing it Got It.

There's more I have to say about this below but I don't want to be too much of a bother so let's see if I get this line break thing to work right.

Lone Trail is a strong event all around but it is without any doubt at its strongest when it grapples with the themes of isolation, loneliness and alienation that isn't (just) the simple absence of physical comfort from the presence of another human being.

It's this, the isolated alienation from everyone and everything around you that is core to many - not all, it never is the same for everyone - depressive expressions for people around the world. That constant feeling of being stuck behind a glass wall, able to see how things could be, how things should be, but not being able to actually get there.

This feeling, it often and easily leads to raging against a fate that is hard to see as anything but a crippling defect. It makes you wish you could feel nothing, rather than feel like that. To be a thing of clockwork, simple cause and effect.

In those moments, it is also altogether too easy to ask yourself "but what is life worth, then?" and in the depths of that depression not being able to come up an answer. It is an illness, depression, it is maladaptive.

When I read this, I was almost giddy. Someone McFucking Got It.

It is no less than my answer to struggle with chronic illnesses. That this is not just, that this is not fair, that this is not good, but that it simply *is*, and that my life experience is not inherently lessened or less worthy for it.

It is being able to put your faith in other people who offer a helping hand and trust their perception - of you, or your situation - over your own, no matter how improbable or implausible or even stupid their assessment is (or seems to be. Never forget: Depression is a chronic illness that severely and negatively warps your ability to self-assess.)

There is no grand fanfare for getting it right, either. There's no miracle cure. Life goes on, and we all age in real time.

But it answers the question of "what is life worth, then?". Living, existing, being, continuing on in the face of often very literal pain or metaphorical leaden weights on your heart and shoulders, it is in and of itself good enough. One might not like their life, but it is still worth living.

And I am glad to see that in Arknights, too. To see someone cut off from their culture, their former friends and their dreams, who is on the very literal threshold of giving in to their suicidal ideation, taking the plunge and putting their faith and trust in the assessment of someone else and manages to keep going and keep living.

(But also: "What is life worth, then?" is the wrong question, anyways. Worth is a construct that has no place put next to the full braid of experiences that go into making up a human life.)

[guesswewillfindout]

I can't sleep so it's storytime.

One day I had to get blood work done because I'm chronically ill. It's not uncommon for me to get stuck a few times because my inflammation level ruins my veins and my medicine often causes dehydration. My wife had to drive me and we were going to drop off my sewing machine at this little shop to have it repaired.

We walk in and it's all nice inside and the lady who owns it basically says can we try it out and see the problem. Then she asks pulls out the bobbin thread and tells me it's waxed thread. That's a big no no because wax will gunk up your machine. I just look at my wife because she's the only one who has been using the machine for the last few years. I also reminded her (a lot) not to use waxed thread and she obviously did it anyway. Now there's this stranger looking at me thinking I'm the person who messed up. Fun. I decide not to mention that I just tried to use the machine for the first time in like five years. She doesn't really care which one of us did it anyway.

Then, she asks me to thread the machine. I'm standing there with my coat covering the three holes in my arms (from the blood draw) and I'm thinking I don't want to do this. I have not eaten at all. I'm pissed at my wife who has very carefully said nothing. But I feel obligated because I'm a goddamn people pleaser with years of trauma. I blank out on the process. Mind you, I know how to properly thread my machine. I just have this trauma response of extreme freeze when someone asks me to do something performative like that. I can run a business meeting or get on the phone with insurance. But there are times when I just can't do the small things. Because I lived with someone who would lose their shit at me if I got the small things wrong. But not all the time just intermittently. You know, so you never knew when it was coming.

I paused for a moment and the shop owner takes the thread out of my hand and proceeds to show me how to thread it. The machine starts working. I'm completely dissociating. I can't even see more than the blur of the sewing machine. And I hate her voice more than anything. I really don't care if it's mean. She had this super soft sweet voice like she was trying too hard to radiate kindness. It's a tone a associate with being fake due to my experience with mental health professionals. My wife, however, loves people who sound like that. And as we leave and get in the car, she immediately brings that up like I knew she would. So I bring this whole thing up with her and tell her I'm angry about the waxed thread. She won't even acknowledge that she put it in the machine. *Squints really hard*

And long story short I don't really care to sew anymore. Normally I have pretty good boundaries and would have just told the lady I didn't fucking feel like it due to just having had needles stuck in my arms digging around for my veins. But I felt too bad to have boundaries or I just messed them up. And yeah now every time I think of sewing I think of that. It makes me sad because I used to associate it with sitting at my grandma's kitchen table as she taught me. But she's been dead for a while now and dreams die, too.

[starryeyed-seer]

okay my FL ocs, quickly picrew'd for ref. Some lore and basic info!

I'm not 100% on base designs or details but I got the rough idea of em... when I have more time I want to develop them more bc I have Thoughts!

Captain Enoch Caylor / Lord E Oliver Newton

Hasn't aged consistently or in order. ~ 65

He/him mainly, also they/it, Trans masc

Bi-Aro Gray-romantic— interested in status and stories more than appearance, and only rarely desires sex. Sworn off love but aches for it

A monster hunter who alternates between mindless revelry in London and (often) dying at zee. He's selfish and hedonistic but rarely directly cruel. Indirectly? Yes. He plays red. He watches mirrors.

Middle child in a wealthy half-noble family, and still caught up in the family sun-smuggling trade. Ran away to elope with a devil when young, instead lost his soul, and fought bloody hard for it back.

Craves power most of all, not to rule as a tyrant or change things. He wants to live according to his whims, wants, and lifestyle, seeking hedonistic pleasure and bloody risks with the promise of no consequences. Involved in the Game, usually white/red, but desires little true change. Life is good for him (isn't it? Isn't it?? Isn't it???)

Grietje Van der Meer:

Like 24

She/her

Overly romantic (no gender preference) but too terrified of romance to successful woo. Someone seems into her and she needs to lie down, and then hide until they forget about her.

Her mother was a Varchassi artist who fell for a zailor. She fled Varchas while heavily pregnant, and gave birth to Grietje at zee. The ship fell to the wax wind, and Grietje was one of few survivors. She grew up an urchin, plagued by dreams of the sun she almost-saw and always aware she didn't quite belong in London, but could never go to Varchas or the Surface.

Still, she dreamed, becoming a poet and writer of celestial and bazaarine work. Her work, however, is very bad. She doesn't appear fully aware that her success has come from artist salons performing mocking live readings— or she doesn't mind. She's chronically ill, and spends much of her time in a lonely basement bedroom with a single window (Somehow.) Her main company when bedbound is her messenger bat Malachai, and MiseryWhiskers, a protective alley cat.

Enoch has wound up a reluctant companion of hers. After getting involved in a ridiculous scheme involving her and her patron, he was left with a sense of obligation he detests. Once a week, if he's around, Enoch takes Grietje out for a stroll around the Bazaar. She uses different aids depending, but usually is in a wheelchair when Enoch is around— MiseryWhiskers likes to curl up on her lap and come along.

Mikhail Care-Michael:

She/her, also takes he/him when pretending to be Heavenly

Generally into women mostly, aromantic

A devil of exceptionally dubious credentials. Mikhail has a fondness for adopting the aesthetics of the sacred, including her current name. She enjoys trying to convince people angels are ALSO real in the Neath and she's one. This doesn't generally work for many reasons, but the amusement she pulls is from making humans squirm. Thinks she is hilarious.

Mikhail is Grietje's long time patron, having discovered her work as a youth and taken Grietje under her wing. Mikhail finds kind and charitable acts like this extremely funny, part of her epic angel larp, but other Devils think the joke is outdated and Mikail's consistent interest in divinity indicates either bad taste or ties to the Convention.

[deusexmachinawitch]

This is the post post for days 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19 and 20. I was going to do 21 days of subliminals but because I’ve been sick and people have been asking me to extend this to a month or even 3 months, I might give a try on at least covering a whole month then I’ll see if I’ll extend it even more.

I’ve been mostly sick since there was a heatwave in my city and next week there’s going to be a severe weather change of cold and strong rain and storms. I’m chronically ill and while my health isn’t usually an issue, severe weather changes affect it. My defenses are really low and when someone arounds me carries something even as dumb as a cold, I get sick immediately. I feel much better but it has been hard juggling illness and work deadlines.

That being said, things haven’t been that bad. People close to me has brought me food and even my cousin came to take care of me and even did housework for me so I could rest. While this may sound like the most normal thing to anyone, in my case, this wouldn’t have been the case for me a year ago and even months ago. In my wildest dreams, I would have never imagined myself being this cared and treasured by so many people except for my SP. And when SP wasn’t around, I would be alone and miserable at bed whenever I was sick and that was very frequent.

With the discovery of the law, improving my self concept and the helpful subliminals… I don’t get as sick as often and when I do, I’m pretty much cared by others.

During this time, also people whom I thought cared about me showed their true colors and I decided to just think about myself. I was hurt on purpose and then gaslit, so I just wasn’t going to put up with that anymore. Especially because the same people have been gaslighting me for several months and disregarding my feelings towards matters that were really important to me. I decided to openly open up about this to a close circle of friends of mine and while people got really protective towards me, I told them that I could stand up for myself but I was really grateful that people finally understood my feelings and point of view when it came to things important to me such as my career path and my feelings towards SP.

While this isn’t a “cool manifestation” such as my phone and computer to possibly many people, this is a very valuable thing to me since my feelings tended to be dismissed a lot and there were a lot of people accepting me wanting SP for example but were really against him. But they finally understood that I’m aware of SP’s actions, I am not justifying the bad behavior and I can still love him while acknowledging that. Fear is one of the most scary feelings someone can have and it makes you do things that hurt you and others, he is now facing his demons and I know he’ll be back. But waiting doesn’t mean my life stops and that I’ll put up with hurtful behavior from him again if he cannot control his negative feelings. I’m in love but not pathetic.

Plus, what people doesn’t know is that I’m manifesting the best version of him. People currently think I’m lucky or that I do witchcraft and it works, it’s difficult for everyone to understand the law because of the fear of cults, the toxic positivity and wellness industry and that a lot of people are quite young in the community so they think it might be a fad. It doesn’t help that subliminals hav become famous due to the wrong reasons.

Still, it was shocking for people to hear my have an outburst and being strongly serious because I’m either too carefree or too controlled when it came to my feelings. But now, I know who’s a true friend and who’s not besides seeing who came to visit me when sick and whatnot. I don’t count the people who’re too busy with their own stuff though, I’m not that selfish.

As for my career path, somehow as soon as I voiced what I wanted to do, I am coming across tools and things that make my desires for my career path be either more easy or possible. So that’s another point for LoAss there lol.

About material things, I got many things for my new computer for free and it feels amazing. I have a new keyboard, small things to raise my screens, etc…

Still, one of the best things I’ve done with LoAss was to ask this to the law:

-I know what I feel about my SP, I’m totally sure about him. Still, I know that maybe I haven’t been as specific when it came to many things about what I want in this relationship to visualize this better. Because of my old story with parental abuse and even abuse by partners, it’s difficult to define what I would like because in the past I felt I wasn’t even given options. So, law, as a God… Show me what lies in my heart and how good in can get, turn SP into what I really want and need once you help me see better.

As soon as I did this, I came across romantic material and such that resonated with me. Also LoAss content that actually resonated with me and now I feel much calm and better. I really can feel I really shouldn’t worry. He really is with me because I’m the best.

I see the signs more intense than ever too… So I’m ready.

Still LOL how the hell am I going to explain many of the things in my life to him when we are together? I guess I’ll shroud myself in mystery, poor him.

[septembersghost]

Sorry to send this random message, but since you like both elvis and taylor I was curious for your opinion. I've seen people comparing would've could've should've to elvis and priscilla's relationship and that they can't wait for videos set to that when the priscilla movies comes out... saying elvis is like the subject of that song stuns me and breaks my heart, but what do you think?

don't be sorry honey! <3 it's such a complex topic and is often misjudged/weaponized with the worst intent, which tends to be unfair to both of them.

prefacing this with priscilla herself saying, “It’s hurtful, for a man who has given so much, to have others pick him apart. I’ll die defending him and his legacy. Because he deserves it.”

also going to refer to this ask from a few months ago.

okay, to be more blunt than i typically am, their relationship overall should not have happened, for a lot of reasons and both their sakes, but i don't like saying that because it erases the love they shared, cilla's agency, lisa marie's existence (and her children's), and the entirety of the life they shared, and i don't think that's right to do. should elvis have turned her down gently and guided her away when they first met? probably! should her parents have put their foot down and told her absolutely not, in no uncertain terms, were they sending her to memphis, and insisted she move on and continue her normal life? yes. she was an emotional young woman who was head over heels in love with one of the biggest stars in the world, and who can blame her, but she would've gotten over it. but that's not what happened. so we have to contend with what did.

elvis was a complicated, sometimes mercurial, often wonderful, man. he had come through extraordinary and extreme events literally from birth, and certainly in the rise of his star, experienced a certain degree of...i don't want to use this phrase, but arrested development?...because of his unusual circumstances. (no judgment on that, i have talked many times about being frozen at 19 because of what's happened in my life, i really empathize with why certain things were difficult and disorienting for him in my own tiny way, just like i, as someone chronically ill, hold empathy for his health too). he was dealing with what i'd categorize not only as profound grief and loneliness following his mother's death, but also compounded trauma for a number of reasons.

i think about the quote from his costar in follow that dream, anne helm, saying he was still such an innocent, "He was surrounded by a lot of people that took advantage of his generosity. It was a more innocent time. I mean, Elvis was -- how old was he? 24, 25? [Actually, Elvis was 26 when the film was shot in the summer of 1961.] He was a baby, and I was, too. We were very young. As much as Elvis was a celebrity, he was a big kid, he was a lot of fun." he had an inherent earnestness and compassion that was guileless.

one of his contradictions here is that, with priscilla, he also had a paternalistic quality where he was looking after her and doing what he thought was best for her. the people who try to frame this as predatory claim he was abusing her, even though that is not how priscilla characterizes it. he had this need to nurture and be nurtured, and he tried to look after her, but he was far from perfect in doing so since his lifestyle wasn't conducive to some of what she needed. that said, he set definitive boundaries with her for a reason. had he been preying on her maliciously, the end goal would've always been exploiting her in some way (namely for sex), but we know he decidedly didn't do that, that in fact she was very frustrated with him because he refused to sleep with her for multiple reasons, and wouldn't until they were married. by which point she was very much a consenting adult.

guiding her look the way he did i don't think he meant to be controlling or harmful, his approach wasn't inherently abusive, it came from genuine care. everyone knew he was pushing it, but they were in love and sometimes no amount of arguing will defy that. he had conflicted feelings about marriage, but i think he really did desire that security of family and love and home, even though he struggled with the commitment of that, and he also never felt wholly seen, safe, or secure in any of his romantic relationships. (this wasn't unique to priscilla, it's a recurring theme). and tbh a lot of that was also likely rooted in trauma, because that has effects on a person.

it's also relevant to note that it was an entirely different time. outrage on the internet prefers to ignore this, but it's vital for context. it may not excuse their initial connection, but by the time she went to memphis, and certainly by the time they got married, their romance and marriage wouldn't have been that unusual. the age gap discourse has gotten REALLY BAD and utterly flattened in a way that ignores all nuance and all particulars of the human beings involved. it doesn't always equate to abuse. it's unkind at the least and dehumanizing at the most to categorize every dynamic that way, and when priscilla herself refutes it and has never called herself a victim, i am not going to categorize him that way. relationships are vast and unique and imperfect, and sometimes people just fall in love! it's not intended for mass consumption or approval by total strangers, especially decades later.

priscilla herself discusses her girlhood and her growth into womanhood, and how much a part of it he was, how he was often many different roles to her. she mentions her naivete, her feelings of unsophistication, and how she grew into herself.

they both grew and changed. and some of that led them in distinctly different directions. she also mentions how they shared a connection and warmth, that in many ways they found more kindnesses and understanding for one another after they divorced. she, and we, will never know how their dynamic might have continued because his death closed that door forever, but she has grieved and loved him. she's not perfect either, and certainly i don't agree with everything she's done, but i cannot abide vilifying elvis and victimizing priscilla when that wasn't their story. they both deserve better and more understanding than that.

how dare people decide for her that she was deceived or that her girlhood was stolen? how dare people disregard her own words and experience and the love she has for him in such a puerile and vicious way?

taylor's story is HER STORY. she didn't intend for it to be applied to others without their consent, or copy/pasted over other dynamics. what she experienced with john was wholly different. he did take advantage of her in a calculated sense. he did use her youthful worship of him and how enamored she was to manipulate her, and then turned it against her. it wasn't a loving dynamic between them at all - she was in love and he got an ego boost and thought he could also make a conquest. it damaged some of her sense of herself, her approach to sex, love, and relationships, and permanently impacted her in some ways - even if she's healed, she shared that the scars still exist and haunt her. it's nowhere near the same tone that priscilla (nor any woman) uses about elvis. i think it's awfully presumptuous and cruel to decide to boil them down to 30 second fan edits using an extremely raw and personal song written generations later about an entirely different experience.

it's...gross and exploitative, not supportive or sympathetic to cilla. the agenda of it to cut down elvis is transparent. lisa would hate it. i really, really disagree with it and it's just a way to outrage bait. and it breaks my heart too. i know it's going to happen, i'm sure those little tiktoks will be prevalent, but i will not be giving them any credence or attention. i respect them both too much for that, and understand their mistakes and imperfections, and tbh cherish him more as a human, a sensitive and generous soul, and an artist than anyone can ever understand when they try to tear him down.

[checkoutmybookshelf]

Damn Right the Perfect Queen Uses a Cane

Fairbanks is somehow simultaneously too small and too large a town. Apparently one of my very best friend's partner has been friend with Elva Birch since they were both teenagers, so that's a degree of Kevin Bacon I was super not expecting but shouldn't have been surprised by, because I KNOW how small a town Fairbanks is. None of which is strictly relevant to why we're talking about the second book in the Dragon Prince of Alaska series, but it is a fun little Fairbanks Fact. Which is even wilder because this book starts in Florida. So let's talk The Dragon Prince's Librarian.

This is, as is typical on this blog for sequels and mid-series books, a SPOILERIFIC REVIEW. Be warned.

Ok guys, I swear we aren't going to do all six books of this series here, and I know I am way overdue for the next Dresden Files book, but where I take just...every single possible issue with how the Dresden Files handles disability, this book handles it SO FREAKING WELL. Tania is realistically tired, realistically has good and bad days, realistically uses mobility aids, and realistically has that all-too-familiar feeling of "No, no, you don't even get to DREAM of being rescued from this situation because a) it will be too painful when it doesn't happen and b) you getting rescued doesn't fix the hideous inequities of the US healthcare system and frankly, that shit NEEDS fixing."

Additionally, I appreciate that Tania doesn't hate her cane. She recognizes that it lets her move and stand independently and it can up her quality of life, if only in small ways. What she hates is that the cane is UGLY. And that is entirely fair, because there is nothing worse than a boring, utilitarian mobility aid that stands out from you and your aesthetic rather than integrating with you. And Rian, absolute PRINCE that he is (pun fully intended), doesn't try to fix or cure Tania, he gets her a beautiful cane that integrates with her personality and aesthetic. That level of support literally made me cry. And then I cried MORE because while Rian couldn't fix the American healthcare system, what he COULD do was donate a ton of equally beautiful canes in Tania's name in such a way that the people who need them most can access them, the process for getting them is as simple and barrier-free as possible, and Rian took care of ALL of this so Tania did not have to expend spoons on it. The care and attention included in how thoughtful and well-executed this was was absolutely breathtaking. Literally, our reality is not this good, and I love that this book took such care and respect with how disability/chronic illness and mobility aids are handled. At no point did any of it feel patronizing, infantilizing, catastrophizing, or an attempt to "fix" something that was "broken" or "lesser." Just A+ no notes, and I don't say that often about representations of disability in books.

The other thing that I just felt in my bones about this book is how the end of Tania's academic career played out. She literally got gatekept and gaslighted because the Small Kingdoms erased every single trace of her master's thesis, her primary sources, and even her ADVISOR (who was paid to disappear, not killed). This very handily gets Tania kicked out of school, and as her health worsens, she also loses her job and health insurance, so by the time Rian shows up at her front door in Florida, Tania's life has literally fallen apart and it is 90% Rian's fault. Which makes the whole fated mates thing SUPER awkward, because she's rightfully pissed with him for torpedoing her degree and academic career, and also he then gaslit the hell out of her about that until he realized they were fated mates, came clean, apologized, and...proposed. It was awkward as hell, you guys.

And let me say, as someone who went to grad school, had someone gone from admitting they torpedoed my life and gaslit me about it to proposing marriage, they would have been super mega deadsies. Like, no questions asked, they just would have been annihilated by the sheer force of my rage.

But fated mates and romance novel, so Tania just mostly spends the whole book going "remember how you torpedoed my thesis?" in varying tones. Rian is literally never living that down, and he shouldn't, because frankly he was lucky to SURVIVE admitting that.

Overall though, I was so happy with the representation of disability and a healthy, positive relationship that includes a disabled person, as well as Tania and Rian as characters, I was willing to overlook insufficient consequences for fucking with a grad student's thesis. Because this book was a delight to read, and it is UNQUESTIONABLY my favorite book in the series.

[crackednailsandsplitends]

The Stages We Go Through of Chronic Illness

Denial, pleading, desperation, anger, grief, anxiety and depression; loss of self, confusion, and hopefully, acceptance

The Stages We Go Through of Chronic Illness

As someone battling chronic illness, I can attest to the rollercoaster of emotions and stages we go through when faced with such a life-altering condition. The journey is far from straightforward, and each stage presents its unique challenges and hurdles.

First comes:

Denial

The initial stage for many of us is denial. It's a coping mechanism, a shield we subconsciously put up to protect ourselves from the harsh reality of our diagnosis, more so when you are diagnosed with a stigmatised illness, thus, a chronic illness that has been infamously neglected by the medical world.

I remember the days when I convinced myself that the debilitating symptoms I was experiencing were just temporary, there must be a cure, or that it was all in my head. Denial is a comforting bubble, a safe haven that eventually bursts, thrusting us into the unwavering truth of our condition.

Pleading and Desperation

Once denial starts to disappear into the back of our minds, we are thrust into a panic, where we find ourselves pleading for a way out of our predicament, pleading for more tests to be done, pleading to be referred to different consultants. Desperate for it not to be the untreatable, the stigmatised and historically one of the most medically ignored chronic illnesses. We scour the internet looking at symptoms to say hey, that is not my illness; the Doctors must have got it wrong; we consult countless doctors; we try every alternative therapy in a desperate attempt to regain control over our bodies. The helplessness and desperation engulf us, overshadowing any sense of rationality.

Anger

Anger is a powerful and consuming emotion that many of us experience as we grapple with chronic illness. Anger brings frustration and heartbreak and heightens panic and desperation. Anger towards our bodies for betraying us, anger towards the world for being unfair, anger towards those who don't understand our daily battles. It's a stage filled with frustration, bitterness, and resentment.

Anxiety and Depression

As we navigate the turbulent waters of chronic illness, anxiety and depression often become our unwelcome companions. The constant worry about the future, what we can’t do anymore, all our dreams are gone, the feelings of isolation, the struggle to find joy in the midst of pain – it all takes a toll on our mental well-being. The weight of carrying an invisible burden can be suffocating, dragging us into a spiral of darkness.

Loss of Self and Confusion

Chronic illness has a way of stripping away the layers of our identity, leaving us feeling lost and confused. The hobbies we once enjoyed, the careers we worked so hard for, and the social life we cherished all seem to slip through our fingers as we grapple with the limitations imposed by our condition. Who are we now, in this new reality we never asked for?

Finally:

Acceptance

And then, after traversing through the depths of despair, we arrive at acceptance. It's not a sudden revelation but a gradual surrender to our circumstances. Acceptance is not synonymous with defeat; it's a state of peace that comes from acknowledging our reality and learning to live in harmony with it. It's about finding a new normal, redefining our priorities, and rediscovering joy in the little victories.

Final Thoughts

The stages of chronic illness are a tumultuous journey through the intricacies of human emotions. While the path may be fraught with challenges, it's also a testament to our resilience and strength. As we navigate denial, pleading, grief, anger, and acceptance, we learn to embrace our vulnerabilities and cultivate a deeper sense of compassion—for ourselves and for others walking a similar path.

Let's remember that it's okay not to have it all figured out, to feel lost in the midst of chaos, and to seek support when needed. Our journey with chronic illness is unique, but we are never alone in our struggles. We can find solace in shared experiences, lean on each other for strength, and forge ahead with unwavering determination.

Stay strong, dear warriors/spoonies. The road ahead may be challenging, but the light of hope shines brightly in the depths of our resolute hearts.

About me

I am a married mother of four children. One of those four children is our granddaughter, for whom we are SGO (legal guardians)/kinship carers. I run a small business and enjoy writing, so I blog. My blog focuses on my family life as well as my experiences of living with chronic illnesses and disabilities such as ME/CFS, spinal stenosis, chronic pain, and fibromyalgia.  Oh, and I am only in my mid-40s.

[sitron-sunni]

a get to know you better meme

tagged by @dummerjan, tysm!<33

do you make your bed? no.

what's your favourite number? Four! No reason behind it, I've just always really liked four.

what is your job? don't have one

If you could go back to school, would you? I'm in school! I actually had to drop out for several long years due to chronic illness. I had to move to find a school willing to provide accommodations, but I got started again with online classes almost three years ago. Now, I'm finally (finally!!), wrapping up my last subject for upper secondary school, which qualifies me for higher education. I literally sent in my application for art school last night<3 Everything is terrifying but also exciting but also terrifying but also there's no other way but forward, so.

can you parallel park? nope, I can't drive.

a job you had that would surprise people? Have not had any jobs.

do you think aliens are real? Well yes. the universe is infinitely big, I do believe some form of life exists out there, whether single-cell organisms or a more intelligent species. Do I think they came over here and built the pyramids? no. no i do not.

can you drive a manual car? still can't drive...

what's your guilty pleasure? i don't know, do i have one? I like lots of things people might find cringe, like, 80's love ballads or early one direction songs, but I wouldn't say there's anything I think of as a guilty pleasure.

tattoos? can look really cool on other people, though they're not necessarily something I'm inherently attracted to. also, they are not meant for me. I'm too indescisive, too afraid of making a mistake, and too aware of how changeable I am. I hope I keep growing and changing for the rest of my life, and I don't wanna put marks on my body that define me as someone I've moved away from, if that makes sense.

that being said, there are some tattoo artists i follow on instagram whose work i really like. People who do the loveliest watercolour work, people with insane colors, people with gorgeous, folk art-style. If I had to get a tatto, I would go to one of them, and let them dream up something wonderful.

favourite colour? yellow! yellow-y orange! sunlight!<3

favourite type of music? I think spotify usually tells me it's some type of folk indie pop rock-thing, but it's easier to answer the reverse: I don't really listen to opera, screamo/heavy metal or dubstep/edm. Aside from that? I love gathering artists and songs of all different styles from all over the world in all different languages. I'm eclectic at heart.

do you like puzzles? yes, although it's a struggle to do physical puzzles as I can't seem to find a spot with good lighting. But I've done lots of digital puzzles and they're fun.

any phobias? my fear of insects has gotten progressivley worse. specifically the crawling ones. especially if they have lots of legs, and are fast. ughhhh. does it classify as a phobia? idk.

favourite childhood sport? the words 'childhood' and 'sport' in combination are rarely associated with enjoyment for me. idk. we played a game similar to baseball sometimes, that would probably have to be the one but... I've never really been a sports-person...

do you talk to yourself? Hm. rarely out loud, but often in my head.

what movie(s) do you adore? the first lotr movie = ultimate comfort movie. Mamma mia, pretty woman, notting hill, wild child = fond childhood memories w/ my mom. Billy Elliot and the way back are two movies I've watched several times and really really enjoyed, like they just stand out in my mind. Divines, which I stumbled across on netflix, is possibly my fave. If I were to rec someone one movie, it would be that one. I just think it's good. I vibe with it.

coffee or tea? coffee, I cannot stand tea.

first thing you wanted to be growing up? A hairdresser, maybe? and I wanted to be a designer for several years after I read the book threads by sophia bennett, lol. Grew out of that one around 13/14 i think.

tagging whoever sees this and wants to do it!<3

[the-fabled-void]

Good thing I kept it in my notes app!

Nerd emoji upcoming

I'm aware the musical is obviously not fully historically accurate. So, neither is my little AU.

Let's say I'm mostly treating the people in the musical as characters and maybe adding historical facts. Also, some of these include 'fandom-canon', as in stuff that's just common in multiverse stories that are not connected to Underverse. Side note: I have vivid brain animatics for all songs, I'll probably reference those.

Anyway here's the character roles and my reasoning for them! Keep in mind that a) this has been spinning around in my head since i listened to Six for the first time 5 years ago b) i typed this whole thing out like 10 months ago in my discord server

(Color-coding is based on the Sanses, not on their roles)

Ink as Henry Vlll

Started out as a joke because he's the most shipped Sans, not because I wanted to villainize them. Then, I remembered how toxic paints were around that time....So, in this, he still needs paints for emotions for some reason. And well, toxic paints lead to a toxic guy.

Cross as Aragon

Cross is loyal, but he also has an attitude so he'd definitely go "I'm not taking your shit". Also being ditched for someone more 'interesting' (not that Ink did that exactly, I think Cross at least felt Partly like that). Oh and bonus, Crink angst!

Swap as Boleyn

Especially in the early fandom, he was portrayed as childish a lot, while he's a lot more. Him making jokes out of the whole 'beheading' situation to cope,,,, Also him being beheaded is kinda an indirect reference to Papyrus being beheaded in genocide... you know, cus of his role. Also him and Cross rivalry,,, I just feel like it would work well

Dream as Seymour

Seymour was 'the only one Henry truly loved', Dream is often portrayed being near Ink. Dream sticking to Ink's side no matter what. Also, her song is called 'Heart of Stone'... due to her being resilient, while for Dream it could apply in a more literal sense. The brain animatic would have him SLOWLY turning to stone instead. Here, I sorta imagine Dream being able to witness everything while he's a statue.

There's just something about him being the only one Ink loved, maybe, out of desperation, Ink chooses Dream's brother to marry next

Nightmare as Cleves

I actually had a lot of thoughts here: Half corrupted Nightmare where the corruption works more like a chronic illness that gets better and worse at times. At the time his picture was taken, it was in it's lesser stages with a lot less goop. When he actually met Ink, it was worse. Also the way she turns shitty situation into something good for himself? Getting a literal palace? Cleves' whole attitude? Just makes me think of Nightmare.

Not to mention the Haus of Holbein making me think of fanon bad sanses (/pos)

(TW: Brief mention of sexual topics SA, skip his section if you're uncomfortable)

Lust as Howard

Howard's backstory is she just wanted love but she was taken advantage of sexually? Being mentally affected by it but sexualizing themselves go cope? Come on. Also, this was probably the song and character that made me think up the whole AU.

(TW section is over now!)

Geno as Parr

Ngl at first I just thought putting him as 'the one who survived' was just cool bc it's ironic. However Parr having to give up actual love in her story, just to marry someone she barely knew because he said sso- at first I only imagined Afterdeath angst here.

BUT. Her whole thing is, she's the one who feels the most like she, and the others have been largely defined by their relationship to others. And well... Geno has been reduced to "Reaper's husband" and "past Error" a lot instead of just Geno. So, him being the one to break away from being defined by someone else is just.... *chef's kiss*

Fun fact I've had an UTMV x Six the musical AU rotting inn my brain since like 2020

[melodicnommer]

Hi I’m here to project onto fictional characters so here’s some Encanto headcanons

This one’s already popular but, Bruno is autistic. His superstisious knocks and such are some of his stims. 

He also loves to run his hands through the sand in his room but he will never touch wet sand. He hates the clumpy texture and how it sticks to his hands. At the same time he hates how wet spackle feels as well but he wanted to help Casita anyway so “Jorge” was kinda his way of pushing past the discomfort.

He has trouble sleeping because his power tends to slip through and disrupt his dreams (this happens more while he is living in the walls because the falling sand in his room helps him sleep)

--

Dolores wears earplugs when her power gets overwhelming

She doesn’t do it often at first, feeling like she’s ignoring everyone if she can’t constantly hear everything

She has a tendency to whisper or otherwise talk quietly because she can hear herself so well anyway she doesn’t notice

The Madrigals learned sign language so that she can communicate when everything is too loud

She has anxiety and whenever she hears a secret in the town she tends to overthink about it. “Is this a sercret I should keep to myself? Or is someone going to get hurt if I don’t tell anyone? Wait, do other people already know? What if I forget that I’m the only one who heard it and it slips out?!”

post-movie she tries to work on not having to be the mediator of the Encanto so much. She wears her ear plugs more often so that she only hears stuff happening around the house

In the movie she mentions that Mariano talks loudly. After they start dating his voice becomes soothing to her and whenever she gets overwhelmed he sings for her to give her something to focus on. She loves hearing him sing throughout the day too while they’re apart

--

Camilo has chronic pain (this is the real projection, baby)

His power strains his joins and muscles after a while if he shapeshifts too much in a day

they have a bad habit of doing just that, which leads to ice packs and long hot baths in the evening to recover (Julieta can help a little with her meals, but her power heals specific injuries and illnesses, not something like this)

he eats a lot to keep up with his metabolism (Félix only scolded him about stealing seconds because he and the family are meant to wait until everyone has a plate before diving for more. It’s manners, Camilo!)

they’re genderqueer and comfortable with any pronouns, but they get mad when anyone defaults to “he/him” when they are in their regular form because they don’t have a “default” gender. Only a default appearance.

He’s a bit of a hopeless romantic and is incapable of hiding his crushes because whenever he thinks too hard about somone he’ll morf into them (think the Guzmans dinner when Dolores spilled the tea)

They involunatrily shift when they feel pain or surprise because their power aligns with their other reflexes in their brian. Step on something sharp? Become taller to move away from the offending object. Hit your head on something? Become shorter to dodge it, etc

There’s more in my brain somewhere but here you go for now

[hyperesthesias]

How the Batch Comforts You with Your Chronic Pain

SUMMARY: Some Soft headcanons on how The Batch Boys™️ would take care of you on a flare day.

CONTENT: Gender Neutral ; No ailment is specified in particular, besides chronic pain ; brief allusion to cannabis ; SFW.

NOTES: I love our Boys! <3 They would take very good care of you when you're hurting. I really enjoyed writing this, I may continue writing for the chronic pain/disabled SW community. We don't get a lot of recognition and it's been therapeutic to write some visibility for us!

Enjoy, loves! 💖

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Crosshair

Is the protective one.

Seriously. He will fight anyone who comes near you while you're trying to rest. If you need your space, consider your space locked down just for you.

He can see exactly what is bothering you and where. Which makes him perfect at back massages. He also has impeccable taste in lotions and oils, from having rough hands himself, so you have a selection to choose from!

These massages can be strictly platonic, or very sensual! Whichever you prefer. He's very respectful of your space and needs. He gets it, he needs a lot of space and has a lot of boundaries himself.

Gives you lots of words of reassurance. Chronic pain can take a toll on the mental health, and he can see that, too. He gives you quiet whispers of comfort. No one else can hear them, they're just for you.

He's also perfect to lean against. You can sit right in front of him, leaned back against his chest with your full weight and he'll support you.

He thinks it's cute when you fall asleep like that. ���

Echo

He draws a bath for you. Puts some Epsom salts in, along with some healing tinctures. It's so comforting and relaxing. You're able to float there, buoyant and without any pressure on trigger points or joints.

If you want him to join, he's more than happy to! All of his prosthetics are completely waterproof so there's no concern. He likes taking baths, too, it relieves pressure from his connective joints. But if you prefer to be alone, he's more than happy to put your clothes and towels on the counter and wait outside for you.

He makes you a pain relieving concoction: a tea and a lotion. He's studied many alternative remedies to help with his own struggles, he's got a whole notebook full of ideas. It helps. It's soothing, and it's nice to have the quiet company as you both sip your tea together. He also has an herb you can smoke, too, but that's entirely up to you. ;)

When you're feeling a bit more mobile, or if you're feeling stiff, he has a gentle stretch routine he would practice in his recovery. It helps wake the joints up and lubricate the bones a bit. It's simple, nothing strenuous, and it soothes some of the aches. He's right there to support you if you lose your balance or can't continue.

He's very empathetic, someone you can trust with how you feel. You know he gets it, and he's always very compassionate.

Hunter

He can sense when you're going to have a flare the day before.

He has a whole game plan on how to help you.

It's a little excessive.

Once he chills out though, he realises all he needs to do is listen. He's a great listener.

You both come to an understanding that you have similar physical experiences. He didn't really consider it before, but he realises he has a degree of chronic pain, too. It was all he'd ever known and he didn't know anyone else who was different like him, too. It's a very personal, bonding experience between the both of you.

This makes him easy to talk to. You're able to get a lot off your chest on how your illness affects you, how it makes you feel. It's not something you get to talk about often in a safe setting, he just sits and listens.

He doesn't judge you if you cry.

He lets you borrow his most prized possession: his fuzzy blanket. He bought it for himself after an assignment on Naboo. It's soft, silky, so warm and cuddly. Nothing about it itches or tickles or scratches. It's the only thing that doesn't cause pain against your skin.

He's determined to buy you one next time they're on Naboo.

Tech

This man has the lo down on every symptom you have. Literally. Like a whole ass binder full of every piece of knowledge on your particular ailment. You're practically better off consulting him than a doctor (which, let's be real, would probably be for the better anyway).

He knows he can get real clinical. He also knows you've probably had a lot of that in your life already -- like he and the other clones. He knows how tiring it can be, to be looked at like an object or an experiment instead of a living, breathing being.

So his most sensitive side comes out when you're having a flare. He speaks quietly and deliberately, he tries not to touch you, he reminds you to take your medicine on time. He even has it in a little pill box with a glass of water or juice for you.

He's very thoughtful. He anticipates everything you need. He has a heating pad ready, ice packs in the freezer, he even makes you a nutritional drink for you to sip on if you're not up to eating.

Is secretly a cuddle bug. At night when you're preparing to go to sleep, he wraps you in the blanket you're sharing and puts his arm around you. You fit perfectly against his chest, a snug little spoon. He gives you a kiss on the head and wishes you sweet dreams, mesh'la. 💖

Wrecker

Oh, Wrecker. He's the gentlest of them all. So tender. He knows he can be super loud, so he does his best to whisper. It's a loud whisper, but still. You appreciate it. Sound can be hard to process through the pain.

He is PREPARED. Like he has a whole ass kit ready for your flare days. He keeps it for you, special.

At the end of the day, he just wants to be useful. He knows he's not usually equipped to handle sensitive situations like this, so he does the absolute best he can to learn and do what he can.

He is the best person to marathon TV shows with. Complete with hilarious commentary.

This man would do anything to make you laugh. He loves laughing with you.

It helps take away the pain. Takes your mind off of everything. His sense of humour is the perfect balance between just dark enough, and wholesome.

OBVIOUSLY a huge cuddle bug, too. A very gentle cuddle bug. He knows his strength, and he knows when to be tender.

He likes playing with your hair, stroking your scalp -- it calms you both and brings you both some comfort.

💖

[not-poignant]

what's arden like as a pro dom? How'd he get into it? Does he have regular clients or does he mostly do one off?

what's arden like as a pro dom?

He's a bit of a chameleon actually! He doesn't have one single domination style (to be honest, in my experience many professional dominants don't, since they're being paid, unless they're fully incompatible with their client they will often shift what they're doing to suit the client). Arden can go from hard and brutal humilliation and sadism, to extremely soft cuddle sessions with a tied up rope bunny.

I'd say he's known professionally as being very consent focused, and also being a good lateral thinker / problem solver, making him appealing to disabled, easily triggered, and chronically ill patients who deal with high pain or mobility issues but still want to experience pain.

While he has areas of specialisation (rope, corporal, etc.) I'd say there's areas he's less directly specialised in - like complex electroplay rigs (especially because the really complex electroplay enthusiasts can easily spend $10,000 on what they're doing. So it's an intense area to get a special interest in.

Arden's especially good at roleplay, since he finds characters quite easily. So he can and will quite happily play pet owner, daddy, military commander, disappointed teacher, etc. and I'd say he actually has quite a few 'costumes' that he uses to help get him into the mindset.

How'd he get into it?

I think he fell into it. I'd say because of a lot of casual public (in clubs) play and never having long-term relationships (though he does have some long-term clients, like he's mentioned that in the story), and because of his enthusiasm and being around the scene very intensively for a while, it probably didn't take long for someone to say 'look I will pay you if you do this specific thing for me/to me, does $300 an hour sound good to you.'

At that point Arden realised he could go into professional domination (the money can be very good, but there aren't a ton of protections for people who practice), and probably talked to Kadek about it, since he met him early on in the scene. Arden definitely had a period of time where he easily scooping around $10-15k a week just on professional domination. He has a sliding scale now re: what he charges (between $200-500 an hour depending on what is asked for, and higher when he's hired for public performances at events or shows), and he also makes a lot of supplementary income off Youtube advertising, as well as online kink course subscriptions. Dude has bank.

Does he have regular clients or does he mostly do one off?

Arden has a lot of regular clients. In Falling Falling Stars, there's a model called Mark in the book Pastel Shibari Dreams who Efnisien learns ages from dominance into submission, and is dealing with grief, and Arden says this about him:

‘Yeah, he’s (Mark's) doing great. I mean he has a lot of grief, and I think he’ll always have that, but I guess you’ll see some more of his journey if you ever look through more of the book. There’s bits of dialogue and interviews with the models, and with us as well. Mark’s one of my regulars. How he is now compared to how he was when I first met him is really amazing. He’s working again, he has like four rescue cats that he adores, and he got into knitting through a couple of other subs that he met in the community and now he runs a knitting group.’

Arden's statement 'Mark's one of my regulars' implies that Arden has many regular clients.

He does see clients in one off situations, but that's rarer. (That's just a logistics thing. If a client finds a professional dom who does exactly what they need, they usually come back. One off clients are usually those who a) get over their shame re: the taboo thing they like and look for it in a relationship (i.e. the dom helps them overcome their shame and validates them enough that they feel empowered to look for it elsewhere), b) run out of money, c) are incompatible with the professional dom or had a bad experience).

So basically Arden has regular clients, and then when he's personally playing in the scene, he usually seeks out casual play partners who know him and aren't attached to him beyond those moments they connect in clubs. Arden is happy to work with complete strangers! He definitely has a lot of one off encounters in his casual play? But on a professional level, his regulars make up a core part of his income.

He also got Isabelle as a 'kind of gift' from a regular long-term client:

‘Kind of a gift,’ Arden said, beckoning Efnisien over. When Efnisien was standing by him, Arden hooked a hand around Efnisien’s side and leaned his head into his torso. Efnisien stared down at Arden’s brown hair and wanted to touch it, but didn’t. ‘Okay, so, I’ve had this long-term client. And one of the things with puppies is that you have to socialise them to get them used to all different kinds of people, like, all colours, different clothing, different sounds, different textures and stuff.

So yeah! :D

[mikeysgerard]

As promised, here’s a little Q&A of the author!

(Story: When both our Fates collide on ao3 )

 Are you British like our beloved Heartstopper characters?

I wish I was! I was born and raised in Germany and live in a little town by the beach right by the Baltic Sea. I spent a lot of my childhood in London though, because of my mum’s job, and been to Ireland and Scotland a couple of times on holiday. So, English is definitely not my first language, I hope you didn’t notice too much! *cringes*

Do you work in the medical field? I'm simply curious to know. You seem to know what you are talking about when it comes to this kind of stuff.

First of all, thank you! You’re right, I do work in the medical field. I work as a nurse in a lovely little retirement home, and it’s my absolute dream job. As Darcy said, it’s the most rewarding thing on earth- to help people. But I also think a lot of my knowledge comes from being chronically ill, for over a decade now, and I’ve lost track of the billion times I was hospitalised, had surgery and yeah, basically everything that comes with it.

Do you mind me asking how old you are? You seem very wise and cultured!

Of course I don’t mind. (not sure about being wise and cultured but thank you!!!) I’m turning 26 in November 😊

Can we create fanart for this story?

ABSOLUTELY! That would seriously be the biggest honour! Fanart, a trailer, podfic, honestly whatever you want- I’ll happily accept it all <3 <3 <3 I’d love to publish your art on my tumblr account (@mikeysgerard) and link it to this story as well!

How did you come up with this story? I feel like writing about the hospital is so specific and yet a brilliant idea.

Ahhh thank you! I remember many nights when I was alone in my hospital room and wished so badly I had someone my age to talk to, share my pain and fears with. I’d often imagine finding a really good friend and sneaking out at night to hide under staircases, to laugh and feel free again. That thought always comforted me when I was alone and afraid. (remember Nick and Charlie’s date? Rings a bell:) ?) I knew I wanted to write about that someday in some form or another, and then HS happened. Darcy was actually the one who inspired me to finally write down the first words and start this project when she said (in episode 8) that they could all pretend to have sprained ankles on sports day. That’s sort of how Nurse Darcy and Nick were born. I have a long history of mental health issues like Charlie himself, and I knew it would help me to write about some of those struggles, mainly his ED, the S*lf H*rm and the situation with his toxic parents. That’s how Charlie was born. When I first saw Mr. Ajayi on screen, I knew I wanted him to be their doctor and to this day it confuses me when someone in the series or comics refers to him as Mister Ajayi, instead of Doctor Ajayi, I’m just so used to that now haha! All in all, this story was a long time coming and I’m really proud that so many of you like what I have created here. That’s amazingly wonderful.

Besides the obvious ones, who is your fave heartstopper character (comic or series)?

Besides my VERY devoted love for Nick and Charlie, I also really love Julio and Oliver Spring, Mr. Ajayi, Tori and Darcy, obviously(!!!!) and my girl Imogen. (I have a gigantic crush on that lady!)

What’s your favourite song from the soundtrack? (thanks for creating that, btw I’ve found so many new and amazing songs!)

Oh I’m so happy you like the soundtrack! I honestly love them all, they mean so much to me by now, but whenever Life Is A Highway starts playing, I immediately imagine a very annoyed and sleepy Nick in his hospital bed and a cheeky Nurse Darcy with her bubble gum, opening the blinds and flopping down on Nick’s bed, and the thought alone makes me grin so SO much!

This question has come up a lot: are you going to continue writing?

The answer is: I hope so! I definitely have a few ideas in my mind that I’d love to explore. However, with my upcoming surgery- you guys might know about this from the chapter’s notes- I can’t tell you anything specific yet. I know that it’s a big surgery and the healing progress will take a lot of time, but I’m definitely motivated to continue writing. You guys most certainly are a BIG reason for that. You’ve been nothing but kind, respectful, caring and absolutely amazing. You’ve cheered me on so much and my heart is so, so full of all the love you have shown me. You made my summer very special and I will be forever grateful. I hope you know that. <3

 

Those were all your questions I’ve received both on ao3 and on tumblr, I hope I answered them to your liking! Here are a few more facts about me I’d like to share 😊

- I’m a single mum of a little boy

- My favourite colour is yellow

- I very much identify with Nick sexuality wise

- I suffer from Crohn’s Disease (thus another surgery, had 28 already *sigh*)

- My favourite Heartstopper episode is ep7 and Volume 4 of the graphic novels has my heart

- I’m vegan

- Spring and Autumn are my favourite seasons

- Despite my age, I still cuddle with my books. Nothing gives me more comfort than diving into another world and holding it close to my heart.

 

 

Thank you for coming on this journey with me. Ich hab euch alle unendlich lieb. Seriously, danke für alles <3 !

[kaizokuou-ni-naru]

The Voyage So Far: Alabasta (Part One)

east blue (1 | 2) || alabasta (1 | 2) || skypiea || water 7 || enies lobby || thriller bark || paramount war (1 | 2) || fishman island || punk hazard || dressrosa (1 | 2) || whole cake island || wano (1 | 2)

(this is a repost, i deleted the first version of it by accident cause im Idiot)

the entry into the grand line is such a great sequence. it feels like such an ending- a triumph after they’ve spent pretty much all of east blue struggling to make it here, and at the same time the beginning of a new adventure, the biggest yet, one that has yet to end a solid two decades later. they all look so happy to have made it here- it makes me smile.

whiskey peak is one of my very favorite short arcs, and i think of the whole first half of the baroque works saga its the one that hits and maintains a tone best (almost certainly because its so short, admittedly, but still). i love the repeated shots of the moon, the reveal that the cactuses are actually covered in graves, the way everything seems far too good to be true at the start and the sense of suspense that creates.

zoro’s extended fight scene in whiskey peak is so great- it’s so creative and so dynamic and the odds are stacked so high against him and yet he’s clearly having so much fun. i do miss this sort of scrappy, improvised fight, cause its largely absent from later one piece but its SO much fun to read- zoro cutting holes in rooftops for people to fall through or shoving ladders to the ground as bounty hunters try to climb them.

i’m a huge fan of fight scenes that use the environment to their fullest, and this is such a perfect example of it. it makes the fight feel a lot more real and exciting, in my opinion.

i’ve never liked zoro and luffy fighting at whiskey peak, its always struck me as frustrating and contrived and kind of out of character for both of them, but i will say that i do like how on the same page they are even when they’re trying to kill each other.

the entire first half of the baroque works saga basically serves to introduce and endear us to vivi so we’ll be invested in the alabasta conflict, and that starts here in whiskey peak, when we get our first glimpse of her actual personality rather than the act she was putting on as miss wednesday, when she bites her lip hard enough to bleed in order not to break down at igaram’s apparent death.

watching robin’s actions with the added context of later one piece is one of the great joys of rereading alabasta. she does a fantastic job of appearing to be crocodile’s most dedicated and capable and dangerous employee while quietly but consistently sabotaging his efforts; saving luffy, sparing pell, sparing igaram, not telling crocodile anything about the strawhats despite meeting them here at the very start of the saga.

little garden has some really cool and striking panels that really put the scale of things on the island, the dinosaurs and giants alike, into perspective, and i love it.

i’m a huge fan of the depth of in-universe lore one piece has. just having little details like this, quotes from books written in-universe, go so far towards making the world feel like a real and wondrous place with mysteries to be solved and details to be uncovered.

i still think sanji is firmly at his best when he’s being a sneaky bastard, and i will never cease to be delighted by how thoroughly he manages to fuck crocodile over with nothing but a phone and some quick thinking not once but twice.

i really like dorry and brogy! for minor characters who’ve only appeared in one relatively minor and inconsequential arc so far, they’re not only very fun and memorable but also leave a hell of an impact on the story, not only in usopp’s new dream of eventually visiting elbaf but also in how they and their crew just keep coming up, first in enies lobby and then even further down the line in dressrosa and whole cake island.

i’m really excited for when we eventually get to reach elbaf, because this plot thread has been so thoroughly and subtly built up over such a long time that i can’t wait to see how it ends.

this is one of my favorite little moments to really drive home how much the strawhats care about each other. they all fell asleep on the floor rather than leave nami alone.

the whole introductory scene to drum is a really good summary of who vivi is as a person and how she contrasts with luffy, and it’s something i’ve written extensively about in a past meta. here ill just settle for saying, vivi is chronically selfless, and always the sort of person to sacrifice herself for others, and these traits which save the strawhats here are the exact same ones that bring her and luffy to blows later on in alabasta.

a good thing to remember when writing characters is that traits aren’t really inherently good or bad, they’re just traits and can have positive or negative consequences depending on the situation, and i think oda is really good at this. vivi’s selflessness, usually a positive thing, becomes reckless self-sacrifice when she’s pushed to her breaking point.

‘kindness begets kindness’ is a pretty consistent theme throughout one piece, though luffy is most often on the other side of it. someone (rebecca, law, tama, etc.) does something for him without really expecting anything in return, and gets paid back a hundred times over. this is a case of the opposite- luffy helps someone offhandedly, and is later saved by their gratitude.

i think luffy wearing his fingers bloody as he climbs the drum rockies is the only time one piece has ever made me cringe back from the page. this sequence is absolutely brutal, and it’s so well-done.

the way luffy decides chopper should be his crewmate is precious, and also reminds me a little of his recruitment of sanji (ironically, given he’s talking to sanji about chopper here). in both cases he sees someone do something good without even really knowing the full extent of their abilities and makes a snap decision that they are awesome and are gonna be part of his crew, no matter what they have to say about it.

i really, really enjoy the way the drum island flashback is set up, with the cutaway right as luffy is about to punch wapol’s lights out. the cut back to that punch finally hitting when the flashback ends is by that point infinitely more satisfying, since you’ve just read chopper’s backstory and therefore have a deep and abiding desire to see wapol eat shit.

hiriluk’s final speech is definitely one of the best and most memorable quotes from one piece, and effectively the crux of one of its biggest themes. one piece is all about inherited will. all of our main cast and a solid percentage of the supporting cast bear the legacy of at least one forebear on their shoulders, from kuina to corazon to otohime. the entire setting of the story is defined by roger’s legacy.

all those people are dead, but they’re sure as hell not forgotten- how can they be, when their legacies are actively shaping the world as a direct result of their lives and influences?

i really, really like the use of flags in one piece. flags are how you declare loyalty or war in equal measure, and flying a pirate flag is a declaration that you’re choosing freedom, come what may, over the laws of the world government. it’s just a really excellent running motif, and a great symbol of what one piece’s definition of piracy means.

this scene is also one of the ones that gets even more extra weight behind it when you know luffy’s full backstory with sabo, which i love.

chopper’s recruitment scene sums up one of the reasons luffy is really great. he just doesn’t care about a lot of things other people would normally take notice of. occasionally that gets him in trouble, but other times it leads to him responding to a situation exactly right, like here. chopper is listing off all his insecurities and reasons he can’t go with the strawhats, and luffy just flat doesn’t care. he wants chopper on his crew and he knows chopper wants to be on his crew, so as far as he’s concerned, there’s no issue at all.

it really is wild that the will of D is named this far back in the story, and has consistently been referenced and built up ever since in very slight ways, through comments by characters like robin and corazon, and yet we still know basically nothing about it.

and a toast to a new crewmate!!

continued in the next post, which covers alabasta arc proper.