#and as s4 goes on they hold hands less and less.

[quietwingsinthesky]

Not to be horny on main but spn should have had more hand holding

[avis-writeshq]

05 — enchanted

summary: “please don’t be in love with someone else”/“please don’t have somebody waiting on you.”  pairing: spencer reid x fem!reader genre: best friends to lovers, mutual pining, fluff, slow burn, no use of (Y/N) warnings: alcohol (reader gets drunk lmfao), jealousy, slight miscommunication, austin (aka: bartender girl from s4), special mention to special people wc: 4.9k a/n: everyone say thank you @astrophileous for beta-reading MWAH ilyvm zara <33 SPARKS FLY MASTERLIST // MAIN MASTERLIST

Although you haven’t been a part of the BAU for more than one year, it didn’t stop you from maintaining the connections that you had in all your years of working there. Sure, the scheduling times could be better, but that didn’t stop the team from spending their rare day off to spend time with you. After all, the adjustment of seeing you every day to once in a blue moon was a difficult one to make. 

O’Keefe’s has been the main victim of the team’s shenanigans, its doors open for the seven members of law enforcement, all eager to get their hands on some well earned rest and relaxation. Drinks are passed around the booth and you can’t help but laugh as you watch Derek get his ‘groove thang on’ with a few girls in the bar. Today is one of the rare occasions when the team didn’t have a case, an even rarer day when the team didn’t have to take on any new or incoming cases. 

“How’s life treating you?” Emily asks cheerfully, sipping at her strawberry daiquiri. You gather that tonight is one of those nights.

You smile, sipping at your own beverage of choice. “Good! Way less stressful than working at the BAU, that’s for sure. And the hours are good, too.”

JJ snorts from beside you. “Yeah, well, can’t say I’m not jealous. How’re the kids?”

“I can’t say much because of confidentiality and all that, but they’re doing well. A lot better, thank goodness but it just goes to show the aftermath of the things that you guys deal with. I mean, I still think about all the victims we’ve helped and it sucks that we can’t do anything to help them further.” You finish your tangent with a long sip of your drink before leaning back against the booth. “Anyway, how are you guys?”

Penelope comes shuffling past carrying a series of cocktails, her absolutely monstrous platform heels not aiding her in her slightly tipsy task. “Do not even get me started on work. No work! None! We’re having a fun day. Ergo, no work talk.”

You laugh in response, moving to the side to allow her room to sit in the booth. “No, Penny, you’re right. No work talk.”

The drinks are dispersed and your gaze shifts to where Spencer is standing, laughing awkwardly as he tries to follow along to Derek’s dancing and socialising. He looks incredibly out of place in his brown argyle sweater vest, navy tie and freshly pressed slacks, and he pulls at the collar of his shirt. 

“Nah, Spencer could definitely be a ladies’ man if he plays his cards right. And I mean that literally,” Emily says, bringing you out of your daydream.

Your head snaps in her direction, trying to calm your facial features and microexpressions. Regardless of your attempts, after a year of not practising, you don’t do as well as you hope. “What?”

JJ grins at you, her eyes lighting up knowingly. “We’re just talking about who’s the biggest hotshot in the BAU.”

“Wouldn’t that be David?” You ask meekly, your finger swirling along the edge of your glass. You had met David Rossi on occasion, once by accident when you were having a night out with the girls and the other during a proper introduction two weeks later. “Didn’t he have, like, five wives?”

“I had three thank you very much,” Rossi intervenes swiftly, holding his glass of whisky on ice. 

“Sorry, my bad,” you respond jokingly, snickering as he shakes his head and stalks over to where Hotch is sitting and drinking his rum. 

Penelope lets out a loud laugh. “I think we’re forgetting the obvious: our very own Chocolate Thunder.”

“Well, fine,” Emily drawls, waving a hand dismissively, “but Spencer has that innocent vibe to him, y’know? The kind of guy women go crazy over.”

JJ clicks her fingers in remembrance. “Didn’t a bunch of prostitutes try to pick him up in that one case?”

“What?” You ask again, albeit a little shrilly as you try to dismiss the surprise in your tone. 

“He didn’t take them,” Emily says quickly in an attempt to ease your discomfort. “But he did pick up a girl a few months ago. Austin?”

Penelope nods at that, putting down her cup. “Oooh, yes! I remember her. He showed me a picture. She’s pretty.”

“I mean, he did pick up Lila too.” JJ reminds the team, shooting you a sly smile. “You remember her, don’t you?”

You force out a laugh and bite the inside of your cheek in the process. “Yeah. Who’s Austin?”

“I think I still have a picture!” Penelope says, brandishing her phone from her coat pocket. She types something in before sliding it in your direction. “Pretty, right?”

Austin is certainly pretty, even in the uncoordinated selfie Penelope shows you of her and Spencer. He’s slightly out of frame, his lips set into a sweet smile while Austin practically glows. Her brilliant green eyes flash in the camera and her dark hair frames her face perfectly. She and Spencer are close in the photo, with him holding the phone clumsily and she has a hand on his arm. 

“Uh huh,” you murmur distractedly, averting your gaze from the photo as an ugly feeling creeps into your chest. “Really pretty.”

Emily looks at you curiously. “You didn’t know about her?”

You shrug in response, the smile on your face insincere. “There are a lot of things I don’t know about Spencer.”

The group exchange a couple glances at your tell-tale body language, watching as you scoot past Penelope and out of the booth, making your way to the bar. You’re all too grateful for a reprieve from the teasing as you order another drink and take a seat, resting your chin on the palm of your hand. Your mind goes through all the interactions you’ve had with Spencer over the years. Were you really that foolish to think that he would feel that way for you? Maybe you were reading too much into it, you try to reason, running your fingers through your once styled hair. Maybe, in some stupid and twisted way, all of Spencer’s interactions were platonic.

You scoff inwardly to yourself. Right. Because picking someone up at two o’clock in the morning is entirely platonic. Sleeping in the same bed as someone because of nightmares is totally normal between friends. In any case, you could have sworn that he–

“Trouble in paradise?” 

An unfamiliar voice nearly makes you jump out of your skin, and you turn to the man who takes a seat beside you. “Uh… something like that.”

The man hums, a smile on his handsome features. His dark brown hair is fluffy and, in its own charming little way, suits him. He reminds you a lot of Spencer, with the way his eyes crinkle at the corners when he smiles along with the timbre of his voice. He’s also very different to Spencer, especially with his sweater that has a bright orange pumpkin on it, paired with a matching orange scarf. A pair of red tinted sunglasses hang on the neckline of his sweater, and you doubt that it would do much good to block the sun.

“I’m Matthias,” he says good naturedly, beaming. “I’m with my sister, Laura,” he explains, gesturing to a lady sporting dyed auburn coloured hair, and she waves with a matching smile.

You introduce yourself, pointing to the booth. “My friends are over there.”

Matthias nods, undeterred by your company on the other side of the bar. “Let me buy you a drink.”

*** 

After what felt like hours of dancing (it was really only fifteen minutes), Spencer and Derek make their way to rejoin the group. The feeling of sweat matting his skin is one of many reasons as to why Spencer hates dancing. That, and the fact that there were far too many people on the dancefloor. What’s worse is the fact that he’s sure that none of them have ever heard of the word ‘deodorant’. He cringes at the thought of all the germs that could be festering on his skin as he sits at the booth, his eyes shifting to wear your bag lays haphazardly on the red cushions. 

“Where is she?” He asks instantly, turning to Emily and placing your bag so that it’s in a safer and less hazardous position.

She hums, pointing in the bar’s direction. “Getting a drink. She’s just cooling off.”

“Cooling off?” Spencer echoes, his brows furrowing. “What do you mean she’s ‘cooling off’?”

Penelope offers an apologetic smile, fiddling with the buttons on her coat. “We… might have told her about Austin?”

“You what?” Spencer can barely believe his ears as he looks at the group incredulously. “Why would you do that?”

“We didn’t mean anything bad by it,” JJ says hastily. “We didn’t think she’d react like that.”

“React like what?” Spencer’s voice is strangely stern, his eyes narrowing as he turns to the rest of the team. “I don’t like Austin. She’s nice but I don’t like her.”

Derek’s brows lift in surprise and confusion. “Did you go out with her after the case?”

Spencer’s ears burn in embarrassment and he turns to his friend in offence. “I asked her for help. I don’t like Austin like that. I needed advice.”

“Advice,” Emily repeats, turning in the direction of the bar. “You mean about…?”

Spencer doesn’t stay long enough to head the rest of Emily’s sentence or to answer it, making his way over to you are. Part of him wishes that he stayed put, especially when he sees what you’re doing. In an instant, his nose is scrunched up in distaste as he spies the random stranger chatting you up. His eyes lock with yours and he relishes in the way they light up as you wave him over.

“Hi,” he breathes, standing beside you. 

“Hi!” You gush, beaming at him. “Saw you on the dancefloor.”

“You’ll never see it again,” he says honestly, stealing a sip of your drink. It tastes like vodka and the strawberry lipgloss you use (he only know what it tastes like because of its very on the nose packaging: a giant strawberry. He wishes he knew for other reasons).

You laugh, bright and loud, before you gasp excitedly. “Oh, Spencer, this is Matthias! He’s been keeping me company.” Then, you lean closer to him, your voice a very exaggerated whisper as if the person you’re talking about isn’t in the seat next to you as you tell Spencer, “he’s a director.”

Matthias waves off the statement, chuckling along. “Nothing famous though.”

“He’s a liar,” you tell Spencer enthusiastically. “Did you know he went to New York University? Crazy, right? Like, the school of arts or something. Oh! And he’s also from Vegas! You two are so alike.”

Spencer nods half-heartedly as he tells you, “you know, I went to MIT and CalTech.”

“Well I know that, silly!” You say with a drunken laugh, poking at his cheek. You turn to Matthias with a proud grin before reaching for a shot. “Spencer’s a genius. He’s a super smart genius.”

“That’s what ‘genius’ means, angel,” Spencer reminds gently, prying the little cup away from you. “No more. You’re drunk and we don’t want a repeat of last time.”

Your face falls and your lips curl into a frown. “But Spencer I’m thirsty!”

“You have water in your bag,” he prompts, squeezing your shoulder and helping you off the barstool, not paying this Matthias person any mind. “Okay? Let’s go back to the others.”

You nod eagerly, stumbling a little as you wave goodbye. “Bye, Matthias!”

“Uh huh,” Spencer dismisses, leading you back to the table by the small of your back. He leans a little closer to murmur in your ear, “why did you leave the others?”

You shrug dismissively, leaning into his side. “Doesn’t matter.”

“No, angel, it does,” he says carefully, “tell me?”

You huff in your own clumsy drunken way. “You should ask Austin. Or go pick someone else up. Emily says you’re turning into a ‘ladies’ man’.”

Spencer resists the urge to roll his eyes. Of course. “I don’t like Austin,” he tells you in earnest, holding you close to his side as you stumble back to the booth. “I mean it, angel.”

“Bet you call everyone angel,” you grumble under your breath. “Bet you let everyone call you ‘Walter’ too.”

“No,” Spencer says immediately, a hand on your waist. “I only call you that. Besides, why would I let someone call me by my middle name if it isn’t you?”

You huff again, slumping in the booth as Penelope shuffles inward to give you more room. Your arms cross over your chest in annoyance and frustration and  you turn away from Spencer’s direction. He doesn’t need to be a profiler to know that you’re pissed off at him. Somewhere in your hazy drunk mind, you’ve made it out as him being the bad guy.

Spencer shoots the other girls a pointed glare, gesturing at you as if to say ‘This is your fault’ because, in reality, it is. If they didn’t mention Austin, you wouldn’t be mad at him. If they didn’t mention Austin, you wouldn’t have gotten yourself drunk with some random guy who went to New York University. Spencer mocks Matthias in his head. Stupid Matthias and his stupidly good hair. Spencer runs a hand through his own growing locks, grimacing when he realises that it reaches his shoulders now. Maybe he should get a haircut later.

“Angel,” Spencer tries again, kneeling down next to your chair. “Let’s get you home, alright? Please don’t be mad at me?”

You mutter something incoherent, not bothering to look in his direction.

“I’m not in love with Austin,” he tells you, his tone a mix of firmness and gentleness. “Really, I’m not. We’re just friends, angel, I promise.”

“Liar,” you mutter under your breath as you get out of the booth. JJ guiltily passes you your bag and you take it out of her hands as Spencer grips your arm with one hand, the other on the small of your back. 

“Not a lie,” Spencer says, walking you to his car. “I wouldn’t lie to you about this. Not after Lila.”

“Lie-la,” you say bitterly as you get into the passenger seat. “Stupid actress.”

He laughs at that, getting behind the wheel. “Yeah, angel. Stupid actress.”

“You kissed her in a pool,” you continue as you fumble drunkenly with the buckle of the seatbelt. “You don’t kiss me in the pool.”

Spencer’s cheeks burn at your words as he puts your seatbelt on, his fingers grazing yours. “It never came up. Besides, I hate pools, you know that.”

“Germ-y,” you respond knowingly, a silly giddy smile on your face. “I know you the best.”

“Exactly,” he hums as starts the car, his words flowing smoothly as he considers how drunk you are. There’s no way you’d remember this, right? “Why would I find another girl when I have you who knows me best?”

Your cheeks glow with pride at his words and you laugh. “Exactly.”

*** 

It’s late. Far too late and you toss and turn in bed. Your eyes are heavy but your brain won’t shut up, swirling with the memories of the previous night. You’re not really sure what happened after you got to the bar, only remembering snippets of the night. The entire time was a blur: you remember getting upset at the girls (or rather, at the information they were feeding you), meeting someone– Mason? Matthew? You can’t even remember– and then downing three shots. It’s awfully stupid of you, yes but then somehow you got home safe and sound with a note on your kitchen counter from Spencer.

You felt a little silly upon the finding of the note. Of course Spencer would take you home; it’s not like the girls were particularly sober by the time you wanted to leave. Regardless, reading the note made you feel incredibly stupid, more stupid than usual, and you wanted nothing more than to bury yourself six feet underground. 

‘Hi angel,’ it read in Spencer’s messy scrawl with chaotic lettering and swirly g’s. ‘You’re probably really hungover right now so there’s a Tylenol on the counter and a sandwich in the fridge. Please drink water; I’m sure you’re also severely dehydrated from the alcohol. I know you’re upset at me but please just forget about what the others said about Austin. I don’t like her like that. Be safe and call me when you wake up.’

The note was fine, nothing out of the ordinary, just Spencer being his usual ridiculously lovely self. You didn’t mind that he took care of you, either. It’s more-so the fact that you genuinely could barely remember what you said that him. You’re betting on it being something exceedingly dumb (you’re making a habit of it, much to your own chagrin), especially considering how much you had to drink that night. Maybe you should start abstaining from drinking from now on, especially if Spencer was in the vicinity. 

The note is now pinned securely to your cork board, a pretty lavender thumb tack holding it in place. Your gaze drifts to it for a moment then to your clock and you groan into your pillow. This is dumb. Sleep is dumb. Your clock blinks with the numbers ‘02:01’ in red mocking letters and you resist the urge to scream. After blindly searching for your phone, you step out of bed while rubbing your eyes. 

The lingering question keeps you up as you pace back and forth beside you bed. If Spencer doesn’t like Austin, who does he like? It can’t be Lila. You would have known if they kept in contact. Then again, you had no idea who Austin was so who knows what secrets Spencer is keeping? What if there was another girl? What if your entire friendship with Spencer was exactly that– friendship. You slap the palm of your hand to your forehead. Were you really that stupid?

It’s in that moment when your phone begins to ring. The tune plays through the room and you know it all too well; the Doctor Who theme song that you spent a whopping two dollars and thirty-seven cents on to add it as the custom ringtone for Spencer. 

“Hello…?” You answer quietly, your voice choking. “Walter?”

“Angel,” he murmurs, and you can hear shuffling in the background. “Why are you still awake?”

You hum, pinching the bridge of your nose. “I could ask you the same question.”

He laughs quietly on the other side of the line, scratchy from the lack of sleep. “Can I come over?”

“Always.”

He hangs up after that and you press the pads of your fingers into the corners of your eyes again. You’re exhausted, far too exhausted to be hosting guests, but this is Spencer. How can you ever say no to him? So, instead of sulking around and spending far too long doing nothing, you fashion yourself a cup of tea and flick the lights on. The book you were reading is thrown haphazardly onto the cushions of your couch but you can’t bring yourself to pick it up. 

The jiggling of the door handle brings you out of your little mood, and Spencer lets himself in with the key you gave him, locking it securely and taking his shoes off to reveal his sock choice of the day: one bright green and the other in fuchsia with buttercup yellow spots. He’s wearing a crinkly white t-shirt that hangs over his gangly frame and grey sweatpants. For something so basic, he looks absolutely criminal in it. You pinch yourself as punishment for thinking such a thing. 

“Hey,” he breathes, sitting next to you. He runs his fingers through his hair, frowning a little. “Do you think I should get it cut?”

You laugh, almost spilling your tea. “You came to my apartment at two in the morning to ask what I think about your hair?”

“Yes,” he agrees before laughing, “no! Of course not. I just thought of it.”

A hum leaves your lips as you curl a strand of his hair around your finger. “I like long hair on you. Besides, you’d look good in any hair cut.”

Spencer preens at your words, enjoying the feel of your touch in his hair. “You’re a liar. I know what I looked like four years ago. Don’t lie.”

“I’m not!” You insist, beaming at him as you poke his cheek. “You were really cute back then. Like a baby.”

He flushes again at both the compliment and the contact, his mind committing the way you say ‘baby’ to memory. He thinks it again and again; baby, baby, baby. 

“I was not a baby,” He tells you, half in jest. “I’m older than you!”

“By a year,” you quip, the sleep deprivation making your head go loopy. “Barely. Doesn’t matter, you’re still baby.”

Spencer scoffs lightly, poking your side. “If I’m a baby, what does that make you? A foetus? A zygote?”

You let out a quiet scream in protest, whacking him over the head with a throw pillow. “Ew, Spencer what the hell?”

He snickers in response, shielding his face with his forearm. “If I’m a baby and you’re younger than me, you must be at an earlier stage of development. So? Which is it, are you a foetus or a zygote? C’mon, angel, you passed eighth grade biology.”

“You’re an ass,” you chastise jokingly, rolling your eyes as you look up at him. Sometime amidst the commotion he must have gotten closer to you. Your noses are almost touching and your breath hitches in your throat. 

He smiles sweetly, his own cheeks warm and flushed with embarrassment as he maintains eye contact. “I thought I was ‘baby’.”

What the hell? Is this really Spencer Reid? Silly, awkward, nerdy little Spencer Reid? This must be a very convincing body suit and an even more convincing voice altering machine because this is not Spencer Reid. You can feel the blood rush to your cheeks and ears so quickly that it’s enough to make you go dizzy. Maybe you’re a lot more sleep deprived than you thought. 

“Are you drunk?” You croak out meekly as he cages you in, his forearms on either side of your head as he leans you against the couch. 

He laughs– he has the actual audacity to laugh– and he shakes his head. “No, angel, I’m not drunk. You know I don’t drink enough to actually get drunk. Besides, I drove here.”

“You drove here,” you repeat, a little dazed from how close he is. “It’s two in the morning.”

“Almost three now but yes,” Spencer agrees, smiling. 

“You hate driving,” you remind him, swallowing the lump in your throat. “Especially at night.”

He hums in agreement. “I do. But I wanted to see you.”

“Oh.”

You kick yourself internally. ‘Oh’? Who the hell says ‘Oh’? This is it. Your life is over. Maybe you should move to another state. Change your name, shave your head, and get a different degree because you’re almost certain that it’s the end of the line for you.

Spencer lets out a soft chuckle. “I missed you.”

“You saw me two days ago?” You say it like a question and you suddenly feel yourself sweating. It definitely got hotter in here. 

He murmurs your name, his fingers grazing the skin of your jaw gently. “I’m so glad I met you.”

“I ran into you four years ago and almost gave myself a concussion,” you say, averting your gaze as you tried to calm yourself down. 

“I’m so glad I met you,” he repeats softly, his nose brushing against your cheek. “Look at me, angel.”

You wet your bottom lip nervously as you look at him, his hazel eyes a little greener in the low light of your apartment. His legs are on either side of your hips and he brushes his thumb against your chin. 

“I want to kiss you,” Spencer says lowly, albeit a little breathlessly, and you can hear hoarseness in his words. “Can I?”

You’re dead. You’re either dead or asleep, that is the only explanation you have for this entire situation. You’re either dead and in heaven or asleep and dreaming. It is that plain and simple.

“What?” You croak out, your nails digging into the skin of your thighs. 

“I know you wanted to do it in a pool but I’m pretty sure your apartment gym is closed now, angel,” Spencer says, stroking your cheeks with his thumbs. “Can I kiss you?”

The only thing you can manage to do is nod, your eyes flickering to his lips for a split second, watching as the corners of his mouth tug upwards. Your brain barely has any time to comprehend the words he said (since when did you say that you wanted to kiss him in the pool?) because in a rush of confidence, Spencer cups your face and presses his lips to yours in a tantalisingly slow kiss. His eyes are closed and his hands are eerily soft, the gentleness in which he holds you reminiscent of one holding porcelain. 

He pulls away after a moment, his cheeks burning and a smile on his face. You can’t even breathe as you just stare at him, lips parted in surprise. What do you even say to that?

“Thank you?” You manage to stutter out, heat creeping up your neck.

He laughs again, breathless and beautiful, as he kisses the side of your face. “You’re welcome.”

Spencer brushes an eyelash from your cheek, beaming at you as he does. “It’s late,” he tells you, getting up from the couch and freeing your limbs. “You should get some rest.”

“Uh huh,” you respond, your head  spinning. “Bye.”

“Bye,” he says back, trying to hold in a laugh. “I’m free next Friday. Do you want to go out?”

“Go out?” You echo, “we always go out.”

“I know.” He smiles at you again as he makes his way to the door. “I meant– you know. We can go out.”

A beat passes and your head is awfully slow, whether from the kiss or from the sleep deprivation, you’re not entirely sure. “We can go out.”

“Great.” He pauses, taking a step towards you before kissing your cheek. “I’ll text you.”

“You’ll–” you gape at him again as he opens your door to leave. “You hate texting.”

He nods, slipping on his shoes. “I also hate driving at night. Your point?”

“Right,” you murmur, more to yourself than anything. “Text me when you get home?”

“Of course I will, angel,” he promises, “get some rest.”

Get some rest? How the hell are you supposed to get some rest after all that? With one last wave, Spencer leaves your apartment, leaving you hoping that this wasn’t just some thing. Maybe this was the very first page of your story– a very embarrassing start to your story. There is one thing for certain though: Spencer is not in love with someone else.

*** 

It’s a Tuesday when Penelope calls you. You had just finished up with a client when your phone begins to ring. 

“Penny!” You gush, unable to stop the smile from stretching onto your face. “I am stupid, I said ‘thank you’? Who the hell says thank you after someone kisses you?”

“Who kissed you?” Penelope asks, and if you weren’t so caught up in your own tangent you would have noticed that she sounded tearful. 

“Spencer did!” You exclaim, slapping a hand to your forehead. “He’s sitting there and he looks amazing and he smells really good and I am stupid.”

“Hold on, hold on,” Penelope says quickly, and you can imagine her waving her fluffy pen around. “He kissed you and you said thank you?”

“Yes.”

“Well that was very polite of you,” she says, trying to sound happy before her voice cracks.

You frown immediately, taking a seat in the wheelie chair in your office. “Penny? Is everything okay? What’s going on?”

“It’s about Spencer,” she says woefully, sniffling. “He wanted me to tell you something. It’s not looking good, honey, but– but he wanted me to give you a message.”

“Penny–” You stop short when you hear Spencer’s voice. It’s a recording from his phone, and you can only really tell because of the crackling audio on the other side of the line.

“Is it on?” Spencer asks before clearing his throat. He sounds breathless, his words breaking off at some parts and you know that it’s not from the bad audio quality. “Hey, angel, it’s me, Spenc– Walter. It’s your Walter. If you’re getting this then something happened and I just wanted you to know that– that I love you. I didn’t get the chance to tell you that before but I do. I love you and I wish it didn’t turn out like this but I am– I am so glad that we had that moment.”

Through the recording you can hear a shuffle, like the sound of a sliding door being opened, along with a quiet, “Prep the victim for transfer,” before the recording cuts out, leaving you with Penelope on the line. 

She calls your name quietly, choking on her words. “Are you okay?”

You hang up. 

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[honest-moth-of-silver-grove]

Yan! Alucard post season 4 with a targaryen reader and has dragons like daenerys from game of thrones or house of the dragon, how would they meet and interact? Would the first meet when the trio see the dragons flying over the village and think it is a threat or a attack, sorry if I'm ranting I just think the idea has so much potential and I can't write to save my life so I'm passing it to you❤️❤️

A/N: Okay so full disclosure, I’m not the hugest Game of Thrones fan, but I did watch a fair amount of the series (mainly for Khalessi lol, they did her so dirty in the finale!). And sorry for being MIA, just lots of real-life crap I’ve been dealing with. 

Yandere Alucard (Post S4) w/ a Targaryen Reader

When our Targaryen reader first hears of a village founded under a famous monster hunter's name, yet supposedly run by the Alucard operated out of Dracula’s castle, she decides she has to see it for herself. 

Much like Trevor Belmont, she is the last of her kind, the bloodline ends with her, and as such, the dragon(s) in her possession are her utmost responsibility. If she cannot find someone worthy of continuing the Targaryen line, then she will have to settle for her family’s legacy existing solely as one more relic in the Belmont hold. Without any remaining relatives to marry to keep her lineage pure, she sets atop her noble dragon steed and sets out for Village Belmont, determined to find a worthy successor, and if not, then at the very least, a worthy grave. 

When she first flies over the village, it is a cloudy day; her dragon’s looming shadow initially goes unnoticed. But soon enough her dragon’s large wingspan wafts the gray skies away, leaving her and her majestic beast very little coverage. 

At first sight of the beast, villagers cry and scream out, as they mistake her dragon companion for yet another wandering night creature, hellbent on eating their children and pillaging their livestock. 

They alert Greta, who arrives on the scene at the same time as Alucard, his heightened vampiric senses having heard the loud thwap, thwap of the dragon’s wingspan long before the villagers could see it. 

Greta organizes her troops to gather their weapons- pitchforks, swords, scythes- those sorts of things and stand ready at the entrance to the castle while at the same time, the less athletically inclined villagers are ushered inside to safety. 

As the Targaryen descends with her dragon, she gives clear instructions not to harm the humans gathered before her, even though the mob before them has their weapons drawn and ready. 

Descending from the sky, our Targaryen reader looks like a goddess, some sort of mythical queen, the elements of both wind and flame at her command. Alucard is immediately drawn to her, her presence, and her power. Although, he is weary of her as well. Too many have come to claim the power vacuum left by his father’s death, and he will not tolerate any vampires or supernatural beings staking a claim on his childhood home, his new village. Even if they are both insanely beautiful and a dragon rider. 

Sypha and Trevor make it outside by the time the young woman dismounts. As she does, she raises her hands in surrender. 

“I am not here to cause anyone harm. I am here to ask a great favor of the keepers of this Village Belmont.”

The trio approaches her, Greta staying behind, her army of villagers at the ready. 

She explains who she is, how special her bloodline is, and how she, the current mother of dragons, is the last of her kind. She speaks mainly to Trevor, as he is the last of the famed Belmonts which angers Alucad greatly, although he doesn't understand why. All he knows is a rather impudent voice inside his head insists that she should be talking to him! Not that stupid Trevor! After all, it’s his castle and his hold, Belmont gifted it to him for safekeeping! 

The young Targaryen asks Trevor if he would accept the privilege and the honor of keeping her dragon eggs safe deep within his hold until the time is right for them to be called upon. Of course, Alucard interrupts, saying that while dragon eggs would certainly be a first for the Belmont hold, he should like to examine them, as well as her and her dragon before making any commitments. 

There’s a tense moment. Behind her, her dragon’s nostrils flare as it heavily breathes out. It seems she doesn't like to be questioned, and neither does her rider. 

Alucard must be careful here. Yes, he’s smart and manipulative as a yandere but we are talking about a Targaryen here. Make no mistake, if he steps out of line enough, or causes her enough harm, he and his whole town will get barbequed. (Despite the threat, this incredible amount of power is one of the things about her Alucard finds the most sexy lol.)

I imagine the group forms a fragile allyship at first. The Targaryen teaches the villagers about her people and dragons. The orphaned children of course fall in love with her dragon, who to their credit, is very patient with them, but also lets them know when to back off with a shake of their large head or a deep growl from within their belly. She wants them to experience some bonding with the creature but she also doesn’t want them to grow too friendly and become complacent when encountering wild beasts outside of the village. Dragons are not to be trifled with, and should they encounter any one of them in the wild they are to react with wisdom, but more importantly fear. 

Alucard, of course, watches all of this very interestingly, in awe of the Targaryen reader's fortitude and dedication to her companion and her role as mother of dragons. In watching her interact with the children, he can’t help but feel a swell of pride, and a longing in his heart loins for her to perhaps bear his children so that they can become keepers of dragons too. 

He can't stop fantasizing about it, how perfect it would be, how incredible she would look housing their combined legacies. Their offspring would be unstoppable. With his vampiric abilities and her draconic bloodline… Not to mention his mother’s medicinal knowledge and Belmont’s collection knowledge within the Hold… By god, they could form an empire! One for creatures and humans alike, all who wish to live in peace and choose knowledge over ignorance. If only his mother and father could see him now…

Alucard knows though he must tread lightly. The Targaryen reader is smart and cunning. She did not come to be the last of her kind by being naive, no. She’s hardened, and she’s been through a great deal. She will need time to adjust to his affections. 

Alucard doesn’t mind though. He has all the time in the world. 

[soshadysoquiet]

An attempt to salvage S4, for your delectation. S4E6

And so we end. Watch my brain check out repeatedly trying to make sense of how the subway could work.

EPISODE 6:

Flashback to Five: Initially paranoid interactions with siblings post arriving in new timeline, trying to break into Reggie’s house, snooping around, waking siblings in the middle of the night to talk about increasingly wild conspiracies. Gradually, that eases, as he’s taken along on his siblings lives - there’s a baby, there’s Ben occasionally showing up to rub his fortune in their faces, there’s jobs and houses and relationships that he experiences in various states of sobriety and sanity. He sees opportunities in the library during his conspiracy investigations for programs to get GED and further education - he can become a real person, someone who exists outside of the apocalypse. So he does, but the space where it’s quiet in his mind gets filled with the Apocalypse, the deaths of his siblings, the paranoia. When Five’s with fam he’s fine, when he’s not, he drinks, sometimes it's both. He gets entrance tests to college/uni and gets a degree and gets hired all in record time - he’s busy. But when he’s not, when it’s back to the room of whichever sibling he’s bunking with or later in a string of short-term rental rooms, it’s the past - and he drinks. He drinks so he can sleep.

In present time we see Five and Lila tracking across the Apocalypse, she’s coaxing him, not far to go etc, he’s clinging onto her bruisingly and in a panic state but he keeps going. They keep going, through flashbacks of his siblings bodies, of images of himself starving, raving, crying. All the while keeping hold of sanity by Lila’s hand and arm clutched with his. They enter the subway, it all goes quiet, and he drops to the floor like a stone. Lila kneels down and holds him, saying they’ve made it, Five can just be heard mumbling ‘I know’ as he holds onto her very real body like a lifeline.

Viktor is shouting for Ben to try and control it, the Horror is going wild, Ben is terrified and in pain as the dark light seems to be swallowing him but allowing more and more of the Horror. Viktor is having to blast away some tentacles and is saying ‘sorry sorry’ to Ben and that he doesn’t want to hurt him. Jennifer is cowering and murmuring horrified phrases to herself.

Allison, Klaus and Reggie have heard the Horror’s roaring as it comes to life, its tentacles are bursting out of the academy and killing members of the Keepers. Reggie is shouting that they need to let him act and that Allison’s rumour is going to get everyone killed. Klaus just says to zip it Reggie and calls Dave, who says what’s happened and happening. Klaus makes him corporeal enough to go help protect Viktor, Allison rumours away The Keepers, but there’s pandamonium, she has to order people to help evacuate everyone as Klaus is summoning Ghosts to try and reign in the Horror and Abigail and Reggie say at the same time that ‘it’s too late.’

In the subway, they’re looking at the map Lila found in the subway Vs Five’s city map. They’re seen over a period of time debating, drawing all over the floor and walls, arguing, stopping each other from getting on the trains that are coming through, Lila re-focusing Five from looking back at the apocalypse, her going back up to relay the symbols from the front of the subway down to him instead of him going up. Gradually, after nearly a day, they have grouped together the stations by the symbols on the maps and trying to work out what the backwards-sounding announcements are saying.

Each train line is a different colour. Each station is a real place in the city. There are 43 coloured lines. The lines might intersect per station, end there, spawn multiple of the same colour or enter the station with multiples of the same colour and leave with less. Each station seems to be a disruption point in the Timeline. The circled symbols had a coloured background that related to one of the 43 line colours.

They go back to there being 43 children, if the line colour represents a different one of them, and at least one of the lines to This station has to be Five’s line.

So they just have to find the one that’s Ben’s line, follow that and see what we need to change. - They decide, and hop on a line.

Reggie and Abigail have a confrontation: R - you did this? A- I did what you should have prepared our children for all along! R- They’re hardly our children. Abigail says why not? They were born from my science, my work and then you raised them, and all you had to do was show them love. Love? He scoffs. Love doesn’t solve anything, it didn’t save you, in fact preserving you on the Moon clearly had an adverse effect on you, the woman I love would never have caused the end of a world! Abigail retorts that Love might not save the day, but it can save how you handle the day. Reggie doesn’t have a good comeback.

Allison and Klaus reach Viktor as the Horror is growing to the size go the room, Ben can’t be seen and Viktor is crying in a protective bubble of power, Dave has saved Jennifer in the corner and is getting her closer. Allison and Klaus shout where Ben is but Viktor can only point to the ben-size portal on the floor that is smothered with writhing tentacles and rapidly growing. Allison and Klaus are deeply upset but still focus on pulling Viktor out because the walls are becoming unstable as the Horror tries to escape the building it’s confined in as surely as the body it was previously.

In the subway Lila and Five are standing on the platform as they get off the latest train, both look a little worse for wear. Five is ruling out the colour of Luther’s lines along with a handful of others they’ve found - either naming them or numbering them if they’re members of the 43 they haven’t met. Lila is looking exhausted as they get on the train. Five checks what’s wrong, she is deadened as she says ‘it’s been six days. it's the longest I've been without them'. Five replies that compared to the apocalypse this is nothing, they’re making progress. Lila’s face crumples - she says what if they don’t make it back, if they don't fix this, then she’ll never be seeing her family again, Diego again, that they’re all she ever wanted and she’ll have lost them chasing adventure in the subway.

She starts to cry, and Five comforts her as the train sets off, holding her. Says they’ll make it home, we’ll be with our family. She says how can you know? He says because I won’t give up, and neither will you, they’re our family after all, and we can save them. Lila clings to him, manages to get herself back together and they exit the subway

Outside the subway there are screams as The Horror rips across the city. Lila isn’t laughing any more. The Horror’s sheer mass consumes the world around it through an immense portal. Guess we’ve found Ben’s timeline. Five says, Lila sob-laughs a bit, awestruck by the sight, and they retreat to find a different starting point for Ben’s line.

Diego and Luther swing by Diego’s house, they’ve picked up Claire from home and turn up along with Pogo, Sloane and Grace - there’s some time assuring the family, Diego hugging his kids, Luther and Sloane are having a debate on whether she wants to help the fight or stays here too. Grace meets them all pleasantly, and though they’re shocked at Pogo they accept him. Claire is made to stay there and that Pogo and Grace will help keep them safe. Sloane goes with them as they leave.

Reggie and Abigail are staring at the scene as Diego, Luther and Sloane turn up, and the other three are just escaping the house with Dave and Jennifer. (They all are shocked but pleased to see Sloane, Allison straight away hugs her. Klaus introduces Dave to Diego and Luther. Diego, in particular, says heard a lot about you man.)

They gather, and Five and Lila pop up-looking banged up. They look at the scene and comment that they guess it’s too late for Plan A. (Diego and Lila reunion) (Klaus re-intro Dave and Sloane saying hi until Reggie snaps at them all to please do focus!)

Others ask what they’ve found, they say that in every timeline, all of them, once the pair touch either Ben or Jennifer get killed, both do, or the Horror causes the Apocalypse. Five says that they never once think to save both of them after the fact. It’s the only anomaly, the only one that might work.

The others argue that Ben is gone, this thing is out there, that the only way they could survive last time was by killing off the Horror before it had even gotten this far are you telling us there was a way to save Ben all along? Five says there is, with her- points to Jennifer. She created the reverse portal, but if she was on the other side of that portal, then she could swap it back. Viktor -who had been silent before, looking at Abigail who is smiling- pipes up but how do we get there, Five says that luckily, Jennifer and Ben aren’t the only portals around, and gestures to himself.

The others kick up a fuss, that he’ll get trapped, he says not necessarily, besides it’s do or die people.

Reggie pipes up that they’d still have to prevent Jennifer and Ben from ever touching the Horror again, how will they do that if they’re alive. Viktor, breaking Abigail’s gaze, says that he can take their marigolds, once the swap is done, that without their powers they’ll live, but they’ll be safe. He's done it before.

Luther says that Ben would hate that.

More than being stuck where that thing came from? Viktor asks. They debate whether Jennifer will even help her, Five points out that they won’t need her to agree, so long as they take her with and bring Lila.

Lila says she doesn’t want to leave her fam or Diego though, that she’s done that once already and hasn’t seen them for two weeks now, she needs to be on this side protecting them - Diego soothes her, says that he won’t make her, he’ll go with Five and hold Jennifer at knife point if he needs to, but that if she does want to, he’d feel better with this plan knowing she was there with his brothers, because he trusts her, even if that scares him. Says can you trust me when I say I’ve already made sure our family are protected? She says she can, that she’d feel safer knowing that he was still here, fighting to protect them whilst she was away.

Allison says neither of them need to go, she will, her powers won’t help out here they didn’t do much the first time, but that she can make sure Jennifer plays ball, She's not letting the Horror kill her daughter. Jennifer pipes up saying will it help if she says she’s going to play ball? They all say no to her.

Viktor is decided as too effective to go to the other side, and might be the only one strong enough to completely blow up the Horror if they fail. Diego and Lila will stay and fight, so will Luther. Klaus says he want’s to go with Five and Allison, that it’s Ben and even if he’s an asshole, well, he’s Ben, there’s some stuff he wants to pay forwards. Allison asks Klaus if he’ll stay instead, so he can look after Claire if anything goes wrong, Diego says he should go with you, we’ll look after Claire they promise, and that Klaus has always known Ben best.

They all agree

So there’s a big fight between Luther, Sloane, Diego, Lila, Viktor and The Horror to hold down the fort.

Five, Klaus, Allison and Jennifer use a Combo of hers and Five’s powers and get pulled into the other side, the Horror’s realm.

It’s a dark ocean of writhing tentacles and they’re dropped into the mess. They can see where Ben is trying to claw at the portal alongside the behemoth body of The Horror, just his fingertips making it through. The horror is unimaginably vast, and its tentacles are poking through holes everywhere they can see - windows through Ben’s stomach into other worlds, all of time and space existing in The Horror’s dimension simultaneously, appearing and disappearing as specks whenever a timeline of Ben uses his powers, but all happening somehow at once.

They cry out to Ben to hold on. He looks up and begs them to help, but sees Jennifer and tries to get away, The Horror’s tentacles are lashing and it's difficult to get to him.

The fight on earth is messy and difficult. Reggie and Abigail die

They struggle to reach Ben who wants Jennifer nowhere near him - he’s exhausted from fighting against The Horror. Klaus and Allison calm him down and ask him to trust them as Five holds Jennifer from accidentally touching the tentacles until Ben agrees, without any rumours. They have Jennifer touch him, and the portal begins reversing.

The team on earth step up their desperate fight as they notice the difference, helping to beat back the Horror further and further.

The team with The Horror are now being inundated with tentacles, Ben thrown around, so they’re struggling to stay together but Klaus manages to float Allison over the water and they grab Jennifer, Five blinks to them. Ben’s in the in the thick of it as the portal reverses, screaming, but even as they other 4 and Dave are all caught and begin getting constricted together by The Horror, Dave holding it from crushing them best he can, Jennifer’s skin being covered by all of them so she won’t make contact with The Horror again, they say they can’t leave Ben here until they know he’s on the other side, so they’re just screaming encouragement at him.

The earth team are wrangling tentacles like pros and all get close enough to grab an emerging Ben with a hand, calling him. It’s only when Sloane grabs him, demands that he come back, she’s not loosing any more family, that his eyes open and he manages to snap the portal shut.

In The Horror’s realm they see Ben vanish, the Horror’s wrath is palpable and Five powers up so that Jennifer can reverse which dimension he moves through, they blink out just before they’d have been squished.

Ben falls into everyone’s arms as the others crash land back. Everyone’s exhausted, injured. Viktor manages to stagger upright enough to grab Ben’s arm. Says you know we have to take it out of you, right? Ben looks around at all of them, who have risked everything. Says ‘take it, I don’t need it anymore.’

Viktor pulls out the marigolds, exhausted, the others ask him to wait before doing Jennifer too, that it’s too much, but Viktor says ‘I’m ending this’ and takes Jennifer’s - he blacks out.

(I’m so tired after writing this that I’ll just say the ending would show them getting back to their lives - happy days!)

I know that a happy ending isn't for everyone but this is my S4 so that's what they're getting! Hope you enjoyed

[lololollywrites]

Finally ready to share what I've been working on for FTH 2024!

Okay y'all, it's time! I've struggled SO much with writer's block and self-doubt this year, but there's been a light at the end of the tunnel recently. CHAPTER 1 IS DONE (of a planned 4-5 - still outlining), and I hope that posting this will hold me accountable. I know that there's a December 31 cutoff for FTH, but my goal is to finish far before then. We'll see! A huge THANK YOU goes to my bidder (for the second year in a row) @shakespearelovedladymacbeth. ���

(So: No, I don't know when this will be ready to post to AO3 - I want to wait until the story is almost finished - but my goal is within the next month or two!)

Wasteland, Baby

Things hadn’t felt right in 221B since John and Rosie moved back in. Everything was off. Wrong. If only Sherlock knew it was about to get even worse. But, for vegetation to return to a barren wasteland, rain from thunderstorms is necessary. A brushfire, even, to burn away the old and provide nourishment for the new… and to expose a truth that’s been present all along.

Excerpt from Chapter 1:

He stumbled as he was yanked backwards by the chain of the handcuffs, Mr. Morrison’s cruel hand having snaked under his Belstaff to assert his control. John met his eye. He nodded once, almost harshly, in the regimented yet reassuring manner of a soldier. Sherlock knew he was painfully squeezing his hands together behind his back as if to punish himself; lips bitten red and a tightly clenched jaw also betrayed the worry behind his steely façade.

“I’ll kill him,” John said, terrifyingly calm. “I’ll kill him and bring you home. I will.”

________

Essentially, Wasteland, Baby (inspired by the Hozier song) is a post-S4 fic that involves Sherlock being kidnapped (and... lightly tortured) as a catalyst for Johnlock. There will be lots of pining, tension, hurt/comfort, and a dash of parentlock for good measure. Yes, I know I've already written a fic wherein Sherlock was kidnapped and tortured. Just... shhh. This one is different. I promise. Shorter, less graphic, and without established Johnlock at the start.

Let me know if you want to be tagged with updates: @johnlocky, @totallysilvergirl, @discordantwords, @jrow, @missdeliadili, @battledress , @helloliriels , @cortinita , @calaisreno , @naefelldaurk , @7-percent , @kettykika78 , @algyswinburne , @inevitably-johnlocked, @mydogwatson , @peanitbear , @sgam76 , @ehuether

[epicbuddieficrecs]

Weekly Recap | July 7th-14th 2024 ~ Podfics

Had to split the rec cause it got too big!

Podfic

[podfic] The Wrath of Abuela by Cass_Caelis/ @cassiopeiacaelis // fic by scarletmanuka (S4, Getting Together | 20-30min | Teen): Whilst on his second date with Ana, Eddie's abuela sees them and confronts Eddie, thinking he's stepping out on Buck.

🔥 [podfic] from the ground up by half_bakedboy/ @half-bakedboy // fic by eddiesdiaz/ @eddiesdiaz (Getting Together, Developping Relationship | 45-60min | Teen): If he’s honest, Eddie gets why Buck filed the lawsuit. He does. He understands the hopelessness, the feeling you’re losing all control, like you’re sinking, drowning, desperate for a way out. He knows because it’s the same way he felt when he enlisted. That doesn’t mean it hurts any less when Buck leaves him, though.

🔥 You Ain't Never Had A Friend Like Me (Podfic) by ToughPaperRound/ @toughpaperround // fic by mansikka (Canon Divergent, Genie!Hildy | 3.5-4h | Mature): 🎶I can show you the world, shining, shimmering, splendid. Tell me, Eddie, now when did you last let your heart decide?🎶 Or. What if Eddie has a Hildy that is occupied by a genie?

🔥 Leaf Day [podfic] by ToughPaperRound // fic by rowan_wood/ @transboybuckley (Canon Divergent, Different First Meeting | 30-45min | Teen): municipal events make for the best meet-cutes, don't they?

🔥 what a man gotta do? (to be your last good night and your first good day) [PODFIC] by ToughPaperRound // fic by diazevan/ @diaz-evans (Getting Together | 10-20min | Teen): He is gonna woo Eddie. He is gonna woo him so fucking hard that the other man has no other choice but to be his boyfriend and declare his eternal love for him. Buck is gonna be that good. or Buck is the best boyfriend and he doesn't even know it.

🔥 Accidentally in Love (PODFIC) by ToughPaperRound // fic by tabbytabbytabby/ @tabbytabbytabby (Jealous Eddie, Getting Together | 10-20min | Teen): Eddie sets Buck up on a blind date with a friend of his. Buck goes thinking it's what Eddie wants. It doesn't work out, with the date quickly realizing that Buck is in love with Eddie. As the two glow closer as friends, Eddie assumes they're dating and is left to deal with the growing realization that his feelings for Buck might not be a platonic as he thought.

🔥might have to take a loss (PODFIC) by ToughPaperRound // fic by waferkya/ @oursisthewinter (Post-4x08, Getting Together | 1-1.5h | Teen): Ana is perfectly nice and Eddie is… being a moron. He holds her hand. He’s kissed the corner of her mouth a few times. His hands have wandered a little, but strictly above clothes. It’s like every time he and Ana end up somewhere alone after dark, Eddie feels like the poor woman’s father is standing in the corner with a baseball bat and a very significant expression on his face. Or: Eddie is having intimacy issues with Ana—as in, he doesn't want to be intimate with her at all and he doesn't understand why. Christopher is kind of upset about the whole thing. Buck just wants his favourite Diazes to be happy.

🔥[Podfic] With A Little Help From My Friends by Cass_Caelis/ @cassiopeiacaelis // fic by @extasiswings (Eddie&the PTA, Getting Together | 20-30min | Teen): “You know…several of us parents get together once, maybe twice a month or so. You’re welcome to join us if you’d like. I can add you to the email chain.” Not for the first time that day, Eddie’s surprised. It’s not that he’s opposed, more that the invitation is unexpected. He’s not particularly social—when he is it’s with the team or with Buck or with his family, all of them in each other’s houses, in each other’s lives both at work and away from it. Outside of them… It occurs to him that he’s never really known how to make friends. [Or: Eddie makes friends outside of work and realizes that Buck might not, in fact, be just a friend]

Just Tell Better Lies (and Keep Your Mouth to Yourself) [Podfic] by blackglass/ @blackestglass // fic by @hmslusitania (Secret Relationship | 20-30min | Teen): Good news: after years of pining, Buck and Eddie have finally gotten together! Mixed news: being together will require a department investigation of some kind, so Bad news: they can't tell anyone yet. Worst news: Buck is the world's least accomplished liar.

🔥Finding Home [Podfic] by blackglass //fic by @slycopersicum-in-disguise (Post-S5 | Getting Together | 20-30min | Teen): "Buck!" Eddie yelled as he turned his key in the loft door and dumped his suitcase inside. He immediately got a startled "Eddie?" in response, and thank God for that because if Buck had been out running errands it would have been the last damn straw. But he was here, where Eddie needed him to be, and pounding down the stairs from the stupid platform thing he had instead of a normal bedroom. "Is everything OK?" "No! You won't answer your goddamn phone and my house is full of bees."

oh shit...are we in love? [Podfic] by blackglass // fic by @lilythesilly (Getting Together | 1-10min | General): buck: lol eddie brought some of chris’s extra valentine’s cards to the station. they’re lego themed. maddie: i know! chim just showed me they’re super cute. question: what kind of candy did you get with yours? buck: fun dip. why maddie: interesting. chim got a mini hershey bar. buck: what’s that supposed to mean. maddie. what does that mean MADDIE

[goginaporter]

rina + iconic couples in media

this is my fun way of responding to the alternate universe prompt for @rinaweek <3. rina and their parents in every universe, finding each other and falling in love. alsooo this post was slightly inspired by this absolutely brilliant edit linked here (x) and if you want rinatroyella or rinajacey edits, please lmk and I'll send my favorite ones <3333

troyella

the essays that can and have been written about troyella and rina are extensive (and I'm happy to do a longer form one in a separate post). but from being the new girl x boy who's never moved, girl encouraging boy to audition for the musical and actually commit, kissing in the rain, starring in the school musical together, to making a huge commitment to the other person on a stage in front of a bunch of people, rina is quite literally troyella reincarnated. and yeah, lots of people can argue that troyella is perfect as is, that they didn't need another version. and on one hand, i agree. but the way in which rina takes core parts of troyella's story while standing on their own as a ship is beautiful and truly does justice to the original franchise by anchoring the story around these two, both individually and as a couple, just as was done with troyella in the original trilogy. my favorite troyella parallel moment from s4!

4x01 - ricky sneaking into gina's room just like troy would come into gabriella's room through her balcony

4x02 - the note ricky gives gina in the hallway to meet in their secret staircase is just like the note troy slips in gabriella's locker in hsm to meet on the rooftop. (honorable mention to them auditioning for and getting the roles of troy and gabriella in this ep as well <33)

4x03 - of course, it has to go to their rendition of can i have this dance. their voices sound gorgeous and though the choreo they do has similarities to the original, they've made it their own.

4x04 - this one is kinda reaching but I wanted something for each ep! in hsm2, sharpay forces troy to sing a song with her, one she prepared for the talent show, instead of allowing him to go on a date with gabriella. in a similar vein, though with considerably less scheming from dani's side, dani is selected to replace gina as gabriella because she is so busy with the movie, though this is done behind her back.

4x05 - has to go to the rain kiss obviously. although troy and gabriella only ever kiss under sprinklers, it's the same vibes. there's also a still (not included in the scene) of the rain kiss of ricky holding gina's waist as she throws her arms up that's so reminiscent of troyella in the rain during cihtd.

4x06 - ricky and gina running down the hallway at the beginning of the episode feels like a direct parallel to troy and gabriella running to auditions in hsm. also rina fighting to save the show is super similar to gabriella (and troy once gabriella convinces him) pushing for the theater department to put on a show about them for their spring musical.

4x07 - they're literally playing troyella in this ep so I could say so much. i'll just use this space to talk about how much I love them in a night to remember and how much it looked like they were dancing at their wedding. I will say that terri, gina's mom, telling ricky about gina's movie with a smile on her face, reminds me a lot of gabriella's fans setting troy up to talk shit about her on camera to convince her to focus on the decatholon. also reflects sharpay telling troy about stanford, again with a smile on her face.

4x08 - again, this ep is rife with toryella coding because they're literally playing troyella, but the show goes super meta in having them sing the right here, right now reprise as ricky has just found out that gina is potentially moving across the world to film her movie, just as troy finds out about stanford and struggles with gabriella not being there for the rest of their senior year. on a much less angsty note, ricky singing love you forever to gina has the same vibes as troy choosing gabriella and going to school close to her, not to mention that lines in the song directly reference the song "high school musical" (which you can read more about here <3). gina also deciding to move the movie to salt lake is very much her "I choose basketball but I also choose theater but more than all of that, I choose gabriella" her version is "I choose filming this movie but I also choose theater but more than all of that, I choose ricky" just a beautiful perfect scene all around.

these s4 moments only scratch the surface of the troyellarina tether but i'll stop ranting for now and move on to rina's teen drama parent sets.

jacey

after s1, tim federle did an interview where they asked him about him about the ricky / nini / gina triangle, he directly mentioned dawson's creek in guiding his writing process, stating that at the center of his thought process was "how do I surprise audience members with who they're going to ship?" (x). for those who don't know the jacey lore, to make a long story short, their love triangle centered around joey, pacey, and dawson. joey and dawson were childhood best friends and joey has a crush on dawson. pacey and dawson are best friends and joey and pacey do not get along initially. after events of life, dawson asks pacey to "look after joey" at the beginning of s3, the two get super close and eventually catch feelings for each other and they secretly date as they figure out a way to break it to dawson (sound familiar?). they do break up but come back together at the end of the show and are endgame. the parallels between jacey and rina exist both on and off screen. dawson and joey were the initial endgame for the show, just like rini was the show's s1 endgame. however, electrifying chemistry between katie and joshua (jackson) & sofia & joshua (bassett) in their respective shows changed everything. rina is one of the strongest examples of continuing this legacy of disrupting the initial plans concocted in the writer's room to make way for insane chemistry. some of my fave jaceyrina parallels

rina and jacey having a formative, chemistry presenting moment in a car (rina in 1x05 during homecoming, joey and pacey in 1x during their science project)

the sheer parallels between them in 3x19 of dawson's creek and 3x08 of hsmtmts with their kiss scenes. just watch here (x) and here (x) to see. the "stop me" "wait" parallels actually make me go crazy

joey tutoring pacey in 3x09 and gina (presumably) becoming ricky's tutor after 4x06

i'm rewatching 3x09 in preparation for this and jacey has a scene where dawson catches them talking about pacey helping joey with a ballroom dance scholarship thing in exchange for tutoring and he asks them what no one can find out about and a) pacey sucksssss at improv just like gina it's like that 4x02 scene with rina and ashlyn and b) it also feels like rina with the chocolates, again with ashlyn LMAOOO in 2x04

ALSO in this ep (wow it's a goldmine), when dawson and jen catch joey and pacey ballroom dancing, they're forced to join the class and the instructor psychoanalyzes both couples. for jacey, she mentions that the tension and bickering between them suggests their underlying attraction for one another. this is literally what val (their choreographer!!) does after watching rina perform wdykal in 3x05

too much to explain for the final scene of this episode but i just encourage everyone to watch 3x09 to get the same sense of a major scene in a coat check and an ensuing apology

pacey telling joey he remembers everything in 3x22 and ricky telling gina he's never forgotten a thing she's said in 4x03

pacey telling joey that the simple act of loving her is enough for him and that she's "off the hook" and ricky telling gina that of course she has to go and be a star, as well as singing lyf not knowing that she was staying in slc, so he just wanted to let her know that he loved her for the sake of it, not to convince her of anything

pacey having to tell joey something but lying to protect her (and ricky having something to tell gina but lying to protect her (3x07)

naley

another paragon of teen drama royalty is naley. literally the best people ever and it makes sooo much sense that rina is similar to them because they're actually rina's grandparents. naley birthed troyella, who birthed rina. a beautiful family tree. anyways, naley doesn't seem to, on the surface at least, seem to have a lot of parallels to rina. a shy tutor girl and a cocky basketball player who get married after knowing each other for less than a year? (though I will go down with my headcanon that rina gets married super duper young, will not be taking any arguments). despite this, at their core, naley's love for each other is so reminiscent of rina's love for each other, not to mention some incredibly direct parallels that the two have, listed below:

nathan dropping haley home after a party & ricky dropping gina home after homecoming ("yeah, this is my house" & "so, this is where I live")

connecting over dubious circumstances (nathan requesting haley as a tutor/getting close to her to get back at lucas & gina convincing ricky to stay in the show so she could get gabriella, attending hoco with ej to psych nini out but instead connecting with ricky)

nathan putting haley's hand to his heart after telling her it's racing (it was because of drugs but still, it beats for haley) and ricky putting gina's hand on his heart after telling her that his heart's racing (i'm telling y'all this scene is the same, just with the characters and setting swapped)

alllllll of naley's s2 angst is like the intense and more painful version of rina's angst in s4

naley invented rain kisses (even if they existed before them, no they didn't) and rina obviously does justice with their own rain kiss in 4x05

when nathan proposes to haley (their first proposal), he tells her that "I could love you forever." audience, what's the title of ricky's love song for gina? i rest my case

haley being nathan's tutor and gina being ricky's tutor <3333

nathan sneaking into haley's bedroom to study and makeout and ricky sneaking into gina's bedroom to sing and makeout

nathan and ricky being haley and gina's biggest fans when it comes to their careers, putting their success over their personal feelings (nathan collecting clippings of haley's tour, paying chris to let her record music & ricky decorating gina'ss trailer, encouraging her to go to nz to be a star)

rina served cheerleader x basketball player (though at different times and both were fictional but wtv) just like naley

this was super nonexhaustive as rina also has parallels to jam, mondler, sethmer, romeo & juliet, and so many other ships. however, I'm lazy and didn't want to write all of those out. maybe I'll return to them another time, but for now, pls enjoy this <3333

[swordofsun]

Thinking about the samulet today. Because thematically as a prop item it was just *chef's kiss*

Because it does symbolize the brother relationship. Full stop, through the entire run of it's appearances on the show. And the way it's utilized to show the changes in that relationship is where the writers werenreally just going above and beyond with the symbolism. (Thanks Dabb and Robbie!)

The first four seasons it is an anchor for how no matter the odds or the situation Dean trusts Sam. He believes in Sam. The samulet was given to him by Sam in a very clear way to show that Sam understood it was Dean and not their dad who was really taking care of him (something Sam forgets and remembers as is convenient to him over the years) and needed the protection. And Dean holds it as his most precious possession. He believes in Sam and their relationship.

Until he doesn't. It is important that Sam wore the amulet while Dean was dead between s3 and s4. It's a very clear signifier that Sam kept the faith that Dean could be rescued. It was his driving goal in those months with killing Lilith as a means to that goal.

But he gives it back to Dean and loses sight of why he was going after Lilith. In much of s4 he goes after Lilith to go after Lilith. Whereas Dean spends s4 slowly losing his faith and trust in Sam. He knows when Sam is lying to him, almost every time. He knows that Sam is sneaking behind his back and doing stuff he knows Dean wouldn't approve of and that he can't fully justify. Because you don't hide things you can justify doing.

The end of s4 is the complete rupture of their relationship. Sam breaks the trust in a way that it takes years to recover from and never even seems to notice. We start s5 and Dean does not trust Sam. He does not trust that Sam will make the correct choices.

Which makes it so good that it's at the beginning of Good God, Y'All that he gives the amulet to Cas. He's literally putting his faith in Cas' hands because he can't put it anywhere else (Gamble can have some rights). Sam and Dean go their separate ways at the end of the episode because Dean can't trust Sam. The amulet is gone and so is Sam.

It is vital to remember that Dean doesn't call Sam up at the end of The End because he wants to hunt with him again or has rediscovered his trust. He calls him because Zachariah just showed him a future where Sam said yes and the first step to stopping that future is changing how it happened. By reconnecting with Sam.

(Not actually Zachariah's plan, but it's what happened.)

Which brings us to Dark Side of the Moon. The episode about lost faith. In it they, and most importantly Cas, learn that God couldn't give less of a shit and they are on their own. (Cas' loss of faith in this episode and the repercussions deserve their own essay.) For Dean he learned that everything he sacrificed for Sam, everything he gave up and everything he let go weren't enough. Every little bit of goodness he tried to scrap together for Sam when they were kids wasn't enough.

Sam barely even remembers one of Dean's best memories. A perfect moment where he got to make Sam happy and loved. (And to be clear this is not Sam's fault. He had a very different perspective on their childhoods and it takes Dean years to accept this.) But the journey through heaven and seeing Sam's happiest moments drives home that everything he thought their relationship was built on was, not a lie, but a delusion. They don't have that shared foundation to rebuild on. Sam broke them in s4 and they don't have solid ground to rebuild because that solid ground never existed in the first place. (And is part of the reason Sam was able to completely destroy Dean's trust in him.)

Throwing away the samulet at the end of the episode is very clearly saying "We don't have a relationship I can trust in. We don't have something to rebuild." Dean still loves Sam, he will always love Sam, but that blind devotion to their siblingness is gone. And it never comes back, just like Dean never wears the samulet again.

It was theorized from approximately 3 seconds after the episode ended that Sam dug that thing out of the garbage, but it's a long time before we get confirmation.

The next time we see the samulet is in Fan Fiction. I think it's important, symbolically, that what we see is a fake. A bad fake. We know what the samulet actually looks like unlike the kids putting on the play. We know it's as fake as everything else in the show. And it's important that this comes at a time when Dean and Sam are very much faking a healthy relationship dynamic.

They never actually discuss everything that lead to Dean being a demon and Sam forcefully healing him. All of the s9 stuff is swept under the rug and by the time Fan Fiction comes around Dean and Sam are back to playing the roles of brothers who are also bffs. It's as fake as the samulet in the show.

It's not until Don't Call Me Shurley that we see the samulet again. This time we're shown that Sam did pull it out of the garbage and apparently carries it around with him. We can take this to symbolize both that Sam never gave up on gaining back their previous relationship and that he wasn't actually willing to do the work to fix it. He was just going to carry on and hope something happened.

We don't see the samulet again after this. It's purpose has been served. Sam has been shown that what he was hoping for wasn't what he was going to get by having Chuck be so much less than the God Sam's had faith in for so many years. It's important that this is the point where both Dean and Sam allow the other to make sacrifices without much argument. Sam was going to take on the Mark to retrap Amara, Dean with the soul bomb. It's a new stage in their relationship where they're willing to let the other person be fully their own person.

Dean still needs most of s12 to fully accept that Sam having a bad childhood was not his fault and he didn't fail Sam; he was given more than anyone could have succeeded at. But it's not a coincidence that s12-15 see them rebuilding a brotherly relationship on much more healthy grounds. (Still overly codependent, but nowhere near as bad.)

Dean actively embraces being his own person and exploring what will actually make him happy in a way we hadn't seen until them. Similarly Sam finally gets to the point where he can stop pretending that he doesn't like hunting and doesn't want to do more. He finds the BMoL intriguing for a reason. Most importantly they are able to do this without, for the most part, insisting that the other person do the same things.

And thank you for reading my essay.

[mike-haters-dni]

So while I'm Saying Shit, I also have a problem with this idea that El was upset that Mike wasn't saying I love you specifically because her love language is words of affirmation so she really needed to hear it? I mean, first of all I think the idea of love languages is mostly useful as a quick generalized way to discuss how we respond to and express affection—a messy nuanced human behavior thing that is hard to talk about, and the show is written with that nuance, but even then I don't think El particularly craves or requires words to feel loved anymore than anyone else does. I think in s4 she was really just confused about why her boyfriend was refusing to say the word 'love' under any circumstance to her? Especially after she heard him say it once already and then she said it back to his face in response so its like, he said he loves me before and I let him know I feel the same and now he won't say it again? Not even as a way to end letters—a normal thing people do for someone who means much less to them than she supposedly does to him sooooooooooo like what's the fucking deal? The contents of the letters sure implies he holds a lot of affection for her and he brings her flowers in her favorite colors and ok we're in love and then he signs 'from' on the card and its like ????? like even as the audience you're supposed to be confused lol like he clearly has some kind of hang up I wonder what it is? Then after El smashes a girl's face in she thinks "oh yeah, the hang up is that he actually hates me because I'm evil haha lemme just start projecting real quick" and then, you know, s4 happens. I mean, it's not like she doesn't value words at all, I just don't think her relationship to them is particularly tied to her trauma like people say, or if anything, maybe she values them less because that's all Brenner would ever give her? Like, perhaps the big Love Confession hits the hardest because it came after Mike and company spent a week or whatever driving across the entire western united states to save her from the government. Idk, something to chew on.

Honestly, if anyone's love language is words its Mike lmao he's the one whos constantly telling El how amazing she is. He's also desperately trying to tell her he loves her in like 5 scenes (arguably succeeding except for not saying the actual word in most of them) before he actually does like, he wants to so bad it almost comes spilling out of his mouth against his will (except for that one time it does ha) he's just terrified of doing so because it would essentially be ripping his entire beating heart out of his chest and handing it to this powerful-in-every-way girl on a silver platter for her to do whatever she wants with—like crushing it into a fine paste in front of his eyes, killing him instantly and preventing him from having the strength to love anything ever again. Like, the other half of the love language thing is that you also speak the love language, meaning you are more likely to show affection by doing the thing you want for other people, and Mike does this waaaaay more than El does for anyone actually (something I would love to see her do more in s5 lowkey. Like, she was at a severe disadvantage before and was too busy dealing with her own shit to have a ton of emotional energy for anyone else so it makes sense, but we're matured now. I think now is the time for a heart-to-heart that goes both ways u kno).

If I wanted to be cute, I could argue that both Mike and El's main love language is actually acts of service. They're both little heroes who jump at the chance to do anything for the people they love with no regard for their own personal wellbeing. Also, adorably, the thing that gets them back together in s3 is Mike saving El from Billy, which El responds to by helping him and Lucas with the vending machine. One offering of m&ms later and we're back baybee it's the quiet understanding that no matter what they'll always be there for each other for meeee

If I'm not being cute I'm saying the idea that everyone has a main 'love language' is bullshit and you're gonna appreciate different things at different times and people are not that easily categorized but it's still a good jumping off point for discussion so—

Anyway El saves the world and Mike saves her and they're dying in each other's arms thank you for your time <3

[munson-blurbs]

Ghostin' (Steve Harrington x Fem!Reader): Chapter 5

Part One | Part Two | Part Three | Part Four

Summary: After confronting Gareth, Steve is overwhelmed with his own insecurities. But with Vecna gaining strength, his decision to leave could prove to be fatal.

Warnings: language, S4 is canon, pregnancy, light smut (18+ only)

WC: 5.3k

Divider credit to @firefly-graphics

@kaybee87 @sidthedollface2 @chelebelletx @livsters @atombombbibunny @tattooedkiss13 @manda-panda-monium @charming-winchester @corroded-hellfire @trashmouth-richie @sweet-villain @slightlyvicked @hxllfired @yogizzz @tlclick73 @thefreakofhawkins86 @sheisjoeschateau @harrypotteranna23-blog @harringr0ve @josie955 @luna-munson83 @blhemmings @lxvesickreality @palmtreesx3 @stephierro

True to his word, Gareth shows up at Family Video the next day. He’s decidedly less confident than he was at Enzo’s, perhaps because of the shame he feels from hurting your feelings. He enters the store, clearing his throat softly and getting both Steve and Robin’s attention. 

“Can we help you?” Robin starts, looking up from the latest issue of Rolling Stone. She’s used to handling the customers, since Steve typically only pays attention to the pretty women. It takes her by surprise when he steps forward with a small, “I’ve got this,” but she doesn’t question it. Not when there’s an interview with Paul McCartney calling her name. 

Steve motions for Gareth to join him in the back room, closing the door behind him. “You wanna tell me what the hell that was about yesterday?” Steve asks, placing his hands on his hips. “Treating Y/N like that? Like she’s some kind of slut?”

Gareth shakes his head. “I know, I know,” he says sullenly. “I shouldn’t have…I was just shocked. Seeing her pregnant, seeing her with you…” He looks up at Steve, eyes brimming with tears. “Eddie was like my brother. He was my role model, my best friend. And when he started dating Y/N, she became like my sister-in-law. I even used to call her that.” He chuckles lightly at the memory. “And seeing you and her together, it makes it…real. That he’s really gone, y’know?”

“I know,” Steve lets his arms fall to his sides, heart breaking for the kid in front of him. “If I could bring him back, I would.” It’s the truth. Even if it meant watching the woman he loves be happy with someone else, he’d bring Eddie back in a second. “But I promise you, man; I’m not just messing around with her. This is a serious thing, and I’m gonna do whatever I can to take care of her and the baby.”

Gareth pauses for a moment before saying, “He would’ve been a great dad.”

“The best.” Steve agrees with a nod. He can picture Eddie holding Little Bean, letting them grasp onto his finger or tug on his long curly hair without complaint. Something he’ll never get to do now. 

Both of them are quiet for a beat, soaking in an awkward silence. Finally, Gareth says, “You said something yesterday.”

“Hm?” Steve cocks his head, still thinking about Eddie and Little Bean. 

“Yesterday,” Gareth repeats, “you said ‘I don’t get off on humiliating people.’ But that’s a lie.”

“What are you talking about?” Steve’s suddenly defensive again, crossing his arms over his broad chest and furrowing his brows. “I don’t humiliate people.”

“You humiliated me.” Gareth’s voice sounds like he has sandpaper in his throat. When Steve’s expression remains confused, the younger boy continues. “My first day of freshman year. I was lost and I asked you for directions, and you said, ‘What, you want door to door service?’ Then you and your buddy picked me up and tossed me in the nearest trash can.” 

Steve’s mouth goes dry, not because he remembers. The exact opposite, actually. He has no recollection of throwing Gareth into the garbage. And not because it didn’t happen—it sounds exactly like something the old Steve would’ve done. It’s because he and Tommy spent so much time hurting other people that each event blurs with the other. 

“So, yeah,” Gareth presses on. “I feel awful that I was mean to Y/N. She didn’t deserve that. But you, King Steve?” He scoffs, “you don’t deserve her.” 

“Shit,” Steve mumbles, running his fingers through his hair. “I-I’m so sorry.” He swallows thickly, carefully considering his next words. “Look, you don’t have to believe me, or forgive me, because I was a total asshole. A world-class piece of shit. But I promise you, I’m not that guy any more.” He looks around the stockroom. “King Steve is more like the court jester now. Working a minimum wage job, getting rejected from the goddamn community college…” Not to mention being plunged into an alternate dimension and nearly being choked to death by demobats. “The point is, I got knocked down a few rungs, and I realized that I wasn’t a good person. Not even close. And every damn day, I make sure I’m becoming the man I want to be. For me, for Y/N, and for Little Bean.”

Gareth’s expression softens, his posture relaxes just a touch. A smile tugs at the corners of his mouth. “Little Bean?” 

“Yeah,” Steve grins bashfully, “it’s what she’s been calling the baby.” He thinks about Gareth’s earlier admission, about Eddie being a brother to him. “Y’know, just because Eddie’s, um, not here, doesn’t mean…I mean, you’re still gonna be Little Bean’s uncle. If you want,” he hastily adds. 

Gareth laughs. “I think Uncle Gareth has a nice ring to it.” He forces himself to meet Steve’s gaze, expression once again serious. “I still don’t really trust you.”

“I know.”

“But if she’s happy…” Gareth blows out a puff of air, shrugging his shoulders, “then I guess we’re okay.”

Okay. It doesn’t mean everything is fixed, but Steve is starting to become more comfortable with the uncertainties of life, when things aren’t wrapped up with a perfect little bow. “Thanks.” There’s nothing else to say, so he just opens the door and watches Gareth walk out the door, waving goodbye to Robin as he exits. 

“Hey, Dingus,” Robin calls back, not bothering to look up from the magazine, “you good?”

“Yep.” No, he wants to say. I knew I wasn’t good enough for Y/N, but I thought it was all in my head. Now I have confirmation that it’s true. 

“Great,” his friend replies. “There’s a stack of returns here with your name on ‘em.”

When Steve comes home that evening, he finds you in the kitchen, stirring a pot of pasta. “I know I said I’d make burgers tonight, but Little Bean had other ideas.” you tell him apologetically, placing a hand on your bump. 

Steve musters up a laugh, kissing your cheek and bending down to kiss your stomach. “Little Bean, is she blaming you again?”

You swat at Steve and scowl. “I’ll eat all this myself and make you eat cereal for dinner, I swear.” The timer goes off, and you drain the pasta in the sink. 

“Not really hungry anyway,” he says softly, shrugging off his work vest and plopping onto the couch. When you look at him quizzically, he explains. “I spoke to Gareth today.”

Your face falls, reminded of the heated exchange at Enzo’s. “Oh.”

“Yeah.” Steve fills you in on Gareth’s apology, omitting what he said about Steve not deserving you. He knows you’ll deny it and rush to reassure him, even if you agree with your friend. “He just misses Eddie—not that it’s an excuse to say what he said.” He sighs, watching you ladle marinara sauce onto the penne. “If I ask you something, do you promise to be honest with me?”

You bring your attention to the dejected man on the sofa. “Of course.”

“Was I…did I ever make fun of you in high school?” He stumbles over his words, embarrassed that he even has to ask this question. “Because apparently Tommy and I tossed Gareth into a garbage can, and I didn’t even remember.”

“I don’t think so,” you purse your lips as you try to reflect on your Hawkins High days. “It was more of Tommy being a dick and you not doing anything to stop him.” 

“Shit, really?” Steve buries his head in his hands. “What did we do?”

You bite your lip uneasily. “Tommy used to always call me and Eddie ‘Freak and Lady Freak,’ and you would just laugh and high-five him. But you never, like, called us that yourself.”

“Still wasn’t right,” he mutters. “I’m so, so sorry. I never should’ve done that. I should’ve told him to shut the fuck up and leave you alone.” He gnaws on a fingernail anxiously. “Christ, I was such an awful person.” A tear slides down his cheek, and you instinctively put down your dinner preparation to comfort him, stopping only when he puts his hands up. “No, see, this is what I didn’t want to happen!” He raises his voice, taking you aback.

“What are you talking about?” Frustration boils up in your chest, and you try to force it back down and keep a calm tone. “You’re not making any sense!” He says nothing, not even bothering to make eye contact. “Steve, you’re not in high school anymore. You’re not the same person you were back then.”

Steve scoffs, pressing his palms to his knees and standing up. “Forget it, okay? Just forget I said anything.” He grabs his car keys from where he’d tossed them on the counter. “I’m going for a drive. Gotta clear my head. Don’t wait up.” 

If you weren’t six months pregnant, you probably would have been able to get to the door in time to stop him, but your slight waddle doesn’t allow for sprinting. Instead, you watch pathetically from the sofa as he lets the door slam behind him, listening to the sounds of his angry footsteps until they fade to silence. The bowls of pasta sit untouched on the counter, and as nauseated as you feel from the argument, you know that Little Bean needs nutrients. You cover Steve’s in plastic wrap, placing it in the refrigerator, before digging into your dinner. There has to be more to the story, you just know it, but you can’t do anything else with Steve gone. 

You feel a surge of anger pulse through your body, making you push your food away. Steve’s supposed to be here, with you, and he walked out. Just left you alone without a clue where he was disappearing to. For months, he had no obligation to stay, and he did. He’d barely left your side until you practically dropped off the face of the Earth after discovering your pregnancy. And now that he’d taken you on a date, kissed you, confessed his love for you…now he decides to bolt?

Tears brim in your eyes as you take in how suddenly alone you are. You’d thought you’d have a nice, relaxing dinner together–maybe discuss the status of your relationship, since it clearly was not following a typical timeline. But that dream has been dashed in an instant. Picking up the phone, you sniffle and try to stifle your crying.

“Hey, Robin, it’s me,” you say, attempting to hide your irrational annoyance at getting her answering machine. “Um, Steve left here and he was pretty angry. If he stops by your place, just let me know. Please.” You clear your throat. “Okay, thanks. Bye.”

Exhaustion overtakes you–a feeling you’ve become all-too acquainted with during your pregnancy. It’s hard to believe that you used to start your evenings at 10 PM, and now you’re ready to go to bed at 7:30.

You’re too tired to even put on pajamas, so you slip into bed in your jeans and t-shirt. The last thing you think of before falling asleep is how you and Little Bean will manage on by yourselves.

At first, Steve doesn’t have a destination in mind; he plans on driving around until he clears his head. But his subconscious has other ideas, and he finds himself pulling up in front of the Munson trailer. It’s dark, with Eddie’s Uncle Wayne probably at work. Steve kills the engine and watches Forest Hills Trailer Park dissolve into darkness as his headlights fade out.

“Fuck!” he yells out, slamming his hands against the steering wheel. “Fuck it all!” He glances around the trailer park, dimly lit with flickering streetlights. A dog barks; a woman who sounds like she’s smoked two packs a day for the last fifty years screams at it to shut up. Steve steps out of the car and leans up against it for a minute before realizing that he’s been staring at the trailer door, as if expecting Eddie to come barreling out. Probably saying something ridiculous like, “Take a picture, Harrington; it’ll last longer.” And Dustin would cackle like it was the funniest joke he’d ever heard. Steve can’t help but crack a smile at the thought, but there’s a pang in his heart when he remembers that it can’t happen.

He’s pulled from his thoughts and his pulse quickens when he hears some rustling coming from the bushes, gripping the car door handle in case he needs to make a getaway. He relaxes when he sees it’s only Wayne, too relieved to consider the fact that the man’s truck is nowhere in sight.

“Mr. Munson!” Steve calls out. “It’s me; Steve Harrington. One of Eddie’s, um, friends.” Friends. Because after a week enduring the worst trauma of their lives, that’s what they were.

“I know who you are, boy,” Wayne growls, crossing his arms as he approaches Steve. “You’re the punk who’s trying to take Eddie’s place, hm? Moving in on his girl, acting like the father of his kid. What are you doing here? Gonna sleep in his goddamn bed, too?”

“N-No, sir,” Steve stutters, hands clammy. “I was just going for a drive–” But he pauses when he sees the blood seeping from Wayne’s eyes; no, not Wayne’s eyes–Vecna’s. “I’m not even asleep,” he muses.

Vecna’s horrible laugh crackles through the air. “No, Steve. You’re not. I’m healing, getting stronger every day. And I might not be able to hurt you yet, but I will.” Vines take their shape down his limbs, snaking around like they’re choking him. “You may think that your inevitable death will be the end, but for me, it is only the beginning.”

Steve can only blink, feeling his legs trembling as he sinks down onto the muddy grass. 

“You see,” Vecna continues. The ground shakes with each step he takes. “I need to keep feasting on the town of Hawkins until I have regained all of my powers. It starts with you,” he points a gnarled finger towards Steve, “and I bet even dumb old King Steve can figure out who will be next.”

“Not Y/N,” Steve manages, summoning all of the courage he can. “She’ll fight you. She’ll fight you with everything she has, because she has Little Bean.”

Vecna lets out a low rumble. “She is strong, yes, because she knows she has worth to someone–her baby. This is why I need to start with someone weaker. Someone like you, who knows he only causes harm to the people he loves.”

“Th-That’s not true. I’ve changed. I’m not that kinda guy anymore,” he echoes your words from earlier, hoping that both he and the monster will believe them.

“Oh, but have you?” Another soul-sucking laugh. “Tell me, Steve. When Dustin asked you to substitute for Lucas at Hellfire, what was your response?” A pause of utter silence precedes his next statement. “Just like with Gareth, right? You don’t remember? Allow me to fill in the gaps.” A memory floods Steve’s senses. He’s suddenly back behind the counter at Family Video, phone cradled between his shoulder and his ear.

“Just move your date this one time!” Dustin’s voice bleats through the receiver. “Come on!”

“What, to hang out with you and Eddie ‘The Freak’ Munson? Uh, yeah…I’ll pass,” he hears himself say, cringing at his condescending tone.

The visual abruptly ends, and he’s thrust back into the trailer park. “You see?” Vecna sneers. “Not only did you ignore a friend in need to go on a meaningless date, but you insulted his friend while you did it.

“So, Steve,” the monster is right in front of him now, and he feels his hot breath on his face, “have you really changed? Or is that a lie you tell yourself so you can pretend to deserve her?”

There’s that word again: deserve. Deep down, Steve knows he doesn’t deserve you. That you’re only his—if you are still his after the way he left you—because Eddie is dead. 

“You can spare yourself the pain and come with me, Steve,” Vecna grumbles, holding out his hand. “We all know she’s better off without you. Everyone is.”

Steve swallows thickly, absorbing the information. A part of him is tempted to give up and give in. But then he imagines your face when you find out that he’s gone, too. Left on the trailer park grounds, nothing more than a heap of broken bones. He pictures your beautiful, perfect smile that feels like it heals him from the inside out. If he stays in the Upside Down forever, he’ll never get to see it again. 

Worse, he’ll be the reason why you’re crying. 

“No!” Steve shouts, a bit hoarsely at first. “No, I won’t go with you!” He scrambles to his feet, pushing through his nerves. “Let me go! I said, LET ME GO!”

Vecna tilts his head to the left, raising his arm. Steve feels vines slowly snake around his feet, gluing him to the browning grass. “I offered you the easy way,” he snarls, “and you opted not to take it. You are even more foolish than you appear.”

“Get…these…off,” Steve weakly protests as another set of vines pins him to a nearby tree. They wrap around his throat, restricting his air supply. “I’m not leaving her…not…leaving…Little Bean…” 

“You have no choice in this matter.” A low hiss escapes him as he winces, still not used to his weakened powers. “Besides, you already left, didn’t you? Ran away like the coward you are. You should stay far, far away from her.”

Dizziness from the lack of oxygen creeps into Steve’s head. He’s nearly unconscious when he sees a bright space open up behind Vecna’s body. 

“Steve!” Dustin calls. “Steve, are you there?” A brief pause. “Where’s the tape? We need the goddamn tape!!!”

“I have it!” Max. Her vision is still compromised, but she’s never stopped fighting. There’s an exchange, and the click of a Walkman closing. All at once, the intro to Black Dog reverberates through the air.

“Run, Steve, run!!!” Dustin cries out, and Lucas and Max echo his plea. “Run for your life!”

“We love you, Steve! We love you, and Y/N loves you, and you need to live!” Lucas’s voice cracks as he begs him to fight back.

Max pipes up, steady and direct in her instructions. “Listen to the music, Steve,” she tells him. “It’ll give you the strength to survive.”

The glowing space starts to shrink, and Steve instinctively starts to panic. He reminds himself to do as Max said, breathing in the lyrics as he struggles against the tightening vines.

All I ask for when I pray 

A steady rollin' woman won't come my way 

Need a woman gonna hold my hand 

Tell me no lies, make me a happy man

He remembers the joy both you and he felt listening to the song, secrets and tension melting away with each note. A new start for you, for Steve, and for you and Steve. He remembers coming with you to your ultrasound appointments, watching in awe at the tiny being growing inside of you. He remembers the way you kissed him, like your lips were meant to mold into his.

The vines begin to loosen, perhaps from Vecna’s more fragile state, but mostly due to Steve’s sheer will to live. His feet touch the ground again, and as soon as he feels the shock on his heels, he’s running faster than he’s ever run in his life. All he can think about is you and Little Bean.

Vecna howls in frustration as Steve narrowly escapes his clutches. Steve can only register pain as he slams back down to the earth, panting and shivering. Dustin throws his arms around him, and Lucas grabs Max’s hand and brings her towards their oft-unwilling babysitter. The three of them hold him well after his shaking subsides.

“H-How did you…” Steve starts, but he’s unable to finish his sentence before bursting into a fresh round of tears.

“We were at Max’s,” Lucas explains, rubbing Steve’s back and lowering the headphones from his ears. “Dustin thought he saw something weird, and when we looked out the window, we saw you…levitating. Like Max did at Billy’s grave.” 

Steve nods slowly. “But…but…the song…” It’s still playing, and Dustin leans over to click the pause button. The quiet seeps through eerily, but it allows Steve to formulate a coherent thought.

“It was Billy’s Zeppelin tape,” Max says softly. “I kept some of his stuff, and when Dustin told us that Black Dog was your safety song, I made sure to always have it nearby. Just in case.” Steve musters up all of his energy to ruffle her hair, heart soaring when she giggles. It feels good to make someone happy.

Steve looks at the kids, eyes wet and vision blurred. “Thank you,” he whispers. “I owe you guys my life.”

Lucas shakes his head. “Nah, man. You know how many times you’ve saved our asses? Let’s just call it even.”

“You’re a good one, Sinclair,” Steve says with a smile. He turns to Max. “Quit being so hard on him, all right?”

“We’ll see,” Max replies, but she giggles again as she says it.

Steve sits up suddenly, bracing himself and gritting his teeth as the world spins for a moment. “I gotta get home,” he blurts out. “I gotta get back to Y/N. I just left her alone, didn’t tell her what I was doing or where I was going…”

“You sure you’re okay to drive, big guy?” Dustin asks, furrowing his brows with concern. “I can always call my mom and ask her to take you.”

“Or I can drive!” Max pipes up, and everyone reacts with a resounding “no!”

“Jesus, you were bad enough when you could see,” Dustin mutters.

Steve wipes his hands on his pants, grimacing as the dirt smears on clean denim. “I’ll be fine,” he reassures them. He begins to take the headphones off from around his neck, then stops. “Can I, uh, borrow this?” he asks Max. “I’ll return it tomorrow. Just wanna make sure…for the drive home, y’know?” He knows how important it is for her to have this piece of Billy. 

She nods, reaching out for Steve’s hand. He takes it, squeezing gingerly. “Of course.”

Steve can’t get back to the apartment fast enough. He nearly snaps the key trying to unlock the door, and he flings it open so quickly that it slams against the wall. It’s loud enough to get your attention, but he doesn’t hear any reaction from you.

“Y/N?” he calls out tentatively, blood running cold when there’s no response. “Y/N!” He’s shouting now, yelling your name over and over.

He’s got her, he thinks. He sensed a moment of weakness and went after her, and I wasn’t here to save her. He dashes into the bedroom, a last resort before descending into complete panic, and breathes a sigh of relief when he sees you in bed, rubbing the sleep from your beautiful eyes.

“Steve? What the hell is going–oomph!” You’re interrupted by his lips crashing onto yours, hands cradling your cheeks. You can taste the salt from his tears as he sobs into you; he thought he’d cried himself dry, but seeing you safe and sound brought on a new batch. When you part, you can see the worry creasing his face. “Where were you?”

“He’s coming after you next,” Steve ignores your question, unable to hold back what he knows. “After me, he’s coming after you. And then the rest of Hawkins until he’s strong enough to conquer the world.”

“You saw him.” It’s a statement; you’re not asking. “And you didn’t have your music.”

Steve relays that evening’s events, stumbling over his words as he admits, “He said he’s starting with me because I’m…because I’m weaker.”

You look at him, puzzled. How could he be weaker than a hormonal pregnant woman with a dead baby daddy? “What do you mean?”

“I mean, the only reason we can even be together is because Eddie’s…he’s…I never would have tried to get with you if he was here,” Steve stammers. “And it doesn’t seem fair, y’know? He…he dies, and I get his girl?” He stands up and paces the length of your bedroom. “I’m disgusting, and I don’t deserve you. Everyone thinks so.”

Your heart plummets at his vulnerability. “Who said that?” you ask, voice hardly more than a whisper. 

“Gareth and…and him.” Steve can’t bring himself to make eye contact with you. He doesn’t need to clarify who him is. 

“Do you think I should be happy?”

Steve’s thrown off by your question. “What? Of course.”

“Do you think Eddie would want me to be sad forever? To never have another partner again?” you continue. 

“No. He…he wouldn’t want that.”

You motion for Steve to sit back down on the bed, and you take both of his hands in yours. “You, Steve Harrington, make me happy. When I thought life wasn’t worth living, you showed me that it was. When I pushed away, you pulled me back. And, yeah, this,” you point between the two of you, “wouldn’t be happening if Eddie survived. But, Steve? Torturing ourselves isn’t going to bring him back. It isn’t going to make us miss him any less. The best we can do is keep living. For him, for us, and for Little Bean.”

Steve lets go of one of your hands to feel your belly. “Not fair,” he teases gently. “You know I’ll do anything for Little Bean.”

You lean in and kiss him, bringing your lips to his ear to murmur, “Will you let me show you how much you mean to me?”

His eyes widen. “Are you sure? We don’t have to do that if you don’t want to.” But a slight twitch behind his fly gives away his true feelings. 

“I want to,” you coo, nibbling on his earlobe and sliding your palm under his shirt and up to his hairy chest. “As long as you do.”

Reflexively, Steve nods, but his gaze quickly goes back to your bump. “We won’t hurt Little Bean, right?” 

You giggle. “Not at all. I promise.” Lifting your shirt above your head and tossing it to the floor, you straddle Steve’s thighs. His hands roam the expanse of your torso, and he wastes no time unhooking your bra. Your body waits for the feeling of lips latching onto your breasts, the way Eddie would’ve done, but Steve runs his fingers over the peaks, pinching them slightly. You moan out with pleasure in what will be the first of many reminders that different doesn’t inherently mean bad. 

Steve’s shirt is the next to go, and he sheds his jeans immediately after, grateful for the relief. As you palm him over his briefs, you’re hit with a strange pang of sadness; it’s a stupid comparison to make, but Eddie always wore boxers. He’d buy the most ridiculous ones he could find; only you two knew that under that metal façade lurked a pair of Bugs Bunny shorts. But this is Steve—Steve who wears briefs instead of boxers, whose hands are smooth instead of calloused, who smells like Drakkar Noir and hairspray instead of drugstore cologne and Newports. 

Different, but good. So, so good. 

He’s patient as you step down to wriggle out of your maternity jeans, but his eyes never leave your body. He drinks you in, pupils blown wide, and pulls you back onto his lap with a soft, “all mine.” The plush of his lips presses against your neck, and you thread your fingers through his hair, whimpering at his touch.

“I can’t wait until you can see me not pregnant,” you bite your lower lip, hyper aware of the way your bare bump nudges against his flat stomach. Being naked in front of someone for the first time was scary enough, let alone being nearly seven months along.

“No,” he says simply, continuing to kiss down to your collarbone while placing a large palm atop your belly. “I love the way you look. So beautiful…I don’t know what to do with myself.” He pulls away for a second to look you in the eyes; his are shiny and wide. “I love you so much, Y/N.”

“I love you, too, Steve.” The phrase followed by his name instead of Eddie’s is a new sensation, but it rolls off of your tongue easily. “I love you, I love you, I love you.” You punctuate each repetition with a kiss to his eager lips. You don’t even realize you’re crying until he wipes a tear from your cheek.

“What’s wrong? Is it–am I–” 

You shake your head. “Please don’t get mad at me.” Taking a deep breath, you start to confess. “I’m scared, Steve. I’m scared that you’re only here because you feel like you have to be, or that this is just some kind of trauma bond, and as soon as Vecna’s gone, you’ll figure out that you don’t really have feelings for me.” You cradle your belly in your hands. “And I’m worried that when you see how hard it is to raise a kid, never mind someone else’s kid, you’ll…”

“Hey, hey. C’mere,” he says, readjusting you so you’re sitting across his thighs. He rubs your back gently. “Did I ever tell you about my big, crazy dream of my future?”

“Six kids and a Winnebago?”

“Yeah,” he laughs lightly, “that’s the one. I’ve been thinking about it more lately. That’s what I thought that’s what family was: Mom, Dad, shit-ton of kids going on vacation together. And maybe it is sometimes, I dunno,” he shrugs. “But I realized that one of the reasons why I love you so much is because you gave me what I always wanted.” He stares into your eyes lovingly. “You and Little Bean–you’re my family.”

You scrunch up your face in confusion. “You love me because I’m having a baby?”

“No—shit—I mean, I do love that you’re having a baby, but that’s not why I love you. Let me start over.” He tosses his hair from his eyes. “I love you because no matter what’s going on in this dimension or any other, I feel safe with you. I love you because you’re patient, and kind, and thoughtful. I love you because you jumped into this crazy monster-fighting world without hesitating, just to protect the people you care about.” He pauses, taking your hands in his. “I love you because you’re you, Y/N. And when I’m with you, I can just be me.”

“Well, that’s good,” you reply, resting your head on his shoulder. “Because I love you just as you are. Just please don’t ever leave like you did tonight again.”

“I promise, baby. Never, ever again.” Steve looks down at you, taking you all in with his golden brown eyes. “And, Y/N? I…I miss him, too.” His last sentence lingers in the air; you’re not quite sure how to respond. “I don’t know if I’ll ever stop. Isn’t that dumb? I knew him for a week and I miss him like I knew him my whole life.”

“‘S not dumb at all.” You lace your fingers with his and kiss his bare shoulder. “Like I said, the stuff we went through together bonds us forever, y’know?”

“Yeah.” He sighs, averting his gaze from yours. “Do you think I could just hold you tonight? It’s not that I don’t wanna do…this…but I want to make it special.”

“Of course, Stevie.” While you’re disappointed, you’re a little relieved. The last time you did this, you and Eddie created Little Bean. And then Eddie was gone forever.

You curl up into Steve’s arms, feeling yourself drift off to sleep.

But not before you hear the chimes.

--

[boasamishipper]

writing patterns

rules: share the first line of your last ten published works or as many as you are able and see if there are any patterns!

tagged by the lovely @apartmentsmoke 😘

“I’ll be honest,” Leon informs the rival mariachi bands in front of his bench, “the fact you all got out of that fight without any serious injuries to yourselves or the others in the subway car is pretty…maraca-less.” (from Contributory Negligence, the fourth fic in my Judge Leon 'verse)

Degas woke to the sound of Jasper Briggs shouting at the top of his lungs, which wasn’t unusual. (from won't shake me loose, a pre-canon Degas&Briggs story)

The first time Harry thinks about sleeping with Dan, there’s a blizzard pounding at the windows of his apartment—a blizzard that would have, if not for the fire department, trapped Harry and the others in the courthouse all night with nothing but rough blankets, Twinkies, and Billie’s camp counselor songs. (from Code of Conduct, Harry's POV of the beginning of Judicial Impropriety)

Right about now, Peter really wishes he’d listened to his wife and spent the weekend cozied up at home. (from No Grave Can Hold My Body Down, a 9-1-1 AU where Bobby wakes up with no memory except Athena's name and struggles to find his way home)

Looking at the dishes covering every inch of the dining table, it’s hard to believe that they were all made by the same woman who once couldn’t even scramble eggs. (from Sweetheart Deal, the third fic in my Judge Leon 'verse)

“Look here, darlin’—” (from you should've heard those knocked-out jailbirds sing, my Carole/Goose first meeting fic)

The Hard Deck was packed to the back teeth the first night of the new TOPGUN session, and Hangman felt good. (from Bullseye, my Coyote/Hangman first meeting fic)

In ‘96, Dan left the district attorney’s office for one of the most prestigious law firms in New York. (from Alternative Dispute Resolution, the second fic in my Judge Leon 'verse)

The first time Dan sleeps with Harry, it’s an accident—which Dan knows would get him laughed right out of the courtroom in the case of The People v. Fielding, but it’s the truth, hand on the Bible, so help him God. (from Judicial Impropriety, my Night Court S4 AU fic where Dan and Harry make a bet to see how long they can keep their relationship under wraps)

“For the last time, Ms. Moore, I don’t know a thing about the new judge—” (from Trial de Novo, in which Harry's former foster son Leon becomes the new night court judge and goes looking for Harry, only to find Dan Fielding - Harry's widower - instead. First fic in the Judge Leon 'verse)

well for one i start fics with dialogue a lot less often than i thought i did 😂 i tend towards longer sentences and aim to establish setting and pov right away (if not in the first sentence then over the first paragraph).

tagging @bornforastorm @lookforanewangle @maverickcalf @academicgangster and anyone else who wants to do this

[beevean]

N!Alucard swearing in particular doesn't mske sense because he was raised by the two people in the whole show who actually never swore once and were really refined, not to mention he presumably lived in pretty isolated conditions so there could be no way for him to gain any rude behavior

The show tries to sell the idea that Trevor's behavior rubbed off on him but he was calling his ancestors brain dead hillbillies and overall acting like a cunt as soon as he met the guy

It literally makes no sense for him to be this way even in-universe

Yes, exactly.

It's the same logic of that S4 scene where Sypha goes on a rant because "I said shit, you did this to me!" when this woman literally snarked that she was going to make Trevor drink her piss by telling him its was beer, like, 10 minutes after meeting him. No, you made nearly everyone talk the same, you don't get to paint Trevor as the "crass one"!

Funnily enough, Alucard insulting the Belmont heritage by more or less calling them primitive savages for their techniques does fit the idea that he's a haughty spoiled prince who thinks he's so much superior than the low class. Probably not what the writers intended, though :P

overall acting like a cunt as soon as he met the guy

In S1E4, he literally asks Trevor if he's "a runt running around with the Belmont crest" before even fighting. And I get the idea that Alucard wanted to test him to see if he could help him, but the antagonism is so forced. I honestly don't know why Alucard would hate Trevor on sight: their personalities are not that opposite.

It's shit like this that pisses me off:

Alucard: This is a simple remote viewing mirror. A little of the activating language is chipped. A few of the runes need re-cutting, but workable. You have the most fascinating family junkyard, Belmont. Trevor: You are a cockwart, Alucard. Sypha: Stop it. *drags Trevor away* You are an adult. You do not have to rise to his every barb. Trevor: He's pissing me off like it's his job, Sypha. Sypha: Grow up, Trevor.

Alucard attacked Trevor first for literally zero reason, Trevor insults him back (less elegantly but whatever, I'd call him a cockwart too) and Sypha reproaches him and tells him to grow up? And then the scene transitions to Trevor explaining the origins of his name... which leads to the two flirting? Bro? The fuck? This is literally "be nice to your bully" logic??

This is the forced framing of the show. It wants to tell me Trevor is the immature, rude one, because Alucard is justified:

Sypha: But it's like he's a cold spot in the room. It's not like your sadness. Trevor: I'm not sad. Sypha: Yes, you are. But I can shout at you, or tease you, and get a reaction that lets me know you're still in there. His sadness is like an icy well. It's bottomless… and it swallows up your voice and anything you try to drop into it.

Trevor's depression is funny, Alucard's depression is tragic. Comic relief vs. real protagonist. You can't make this shit up.

And then this other shit:

Sypha: Stop testing him, Alucard. Alucard: I am concerned I have thrown my lot in with a demented infant. Sypha: I imagine he has similar concerns about you. Alucard: I am also concerned that you enjoy him too much. Sypha: And what is that supposed to mean? Alucard: He is unreliable, emotionally damaged, and apparently very distracting to you while you should be focused on the task at hand. Sypha: Oh. Am I not working hard enough? Hmm? Alucard: And he's a drunk and he's self-destructive and anybody trying to hold on to him may well simply be dragged down with him. Sypha: You're afraid. You worry that you might have made the wrong choice. So you're trying to make him prove himself again and again by constantly provoking him. You forget, Alucard. Trevor didn't get to finish out his childhood. He is not the man here who may not have grown up.

This is not testing. Sypha joked about finding a book with penis spells, and Alucard unprovoked threw a jab at Trevor. He just decided to insult him as soon as he saw an opening. (although, hilariously enough, it lowkey sounds like he's crushing on Sypha and he's jealous that she and Trevor had a decent chat the other night)

Hey, asshole. Trevor literally brought your ungrateful ass to a place that holds all of his heritage, a heritage he was shunned for, because you need help to kill Daddy - and I don't give a shit if you feel attacked in your vampire identity which makes zero sense and makes you look really callous, you want a vampire hunter for the job, you get someone who kills people like you for a living. You have seen him fighting: you have seen that he is very competent at his job, which is what you need. On the other hand, in S2 we barely if ever see him drink like in S1. You literally, literally, have zero reasons to speak that way, unless you're just looking for excuses to be a dick. And if you're that insecure about your choice... leave. Find someone else. Go fight Dracula alone, since in any case you ended up doing all the work. And Sypha, why the fuck did you go and bang Trevor when you clearly prefer Alucard over him. Look, she's defending him, but she's still calling him a manchild! What's with Ellis and his obsession with manchildren and humiliating them!

... I'm sorry, I know I strayed away from the point of him swearing, but N!Alucard is such a rude prick! I hate him! It's not Trevor's fault, he was born that way! He's not even that pretty that would justify him becoming the fandom's blorbo! I want to slap him and Sypha so much and then rescue Trevor who needs much better friends than these two 😭

[soodoonimin]

Billy Butcher, Eddie Brock, Joe Kessler and Venom.

My love for Venom cannot be understated. I might not be actively in the fandom right now but I love Venom and more importantly I love the themes that come with some of Venom’s stories. Love. Self discovery. Inner demons (both literal and metaphorical), learning to move past the pain of your past, and learning to forgive. I love Venom and though I have a slight bias towards Flash, but I can’t deny that Venom’s stories (especially their stories centered around love) are best when they’re with Eddie.

Spoiler for The Boys S4 below cut:

So to start I want to say that I didn’t hate Billy Butcher but I also didn’t love him. He occupied this kind of strange space for me where there are times where I was like “Yeah that kind of needed to happen and he was the only one willing to do it” and others where I was screaming “Why the fuck does any continue to associate with you?” Season 4 Billy rode that line all the way up until the end when he killed Neuman and said his last words to The Boys and found himself firmly in the camp of “Why the fuck didn’t Frenchie pull that trigger? 😡” (am I really mad? No, but damn that was cold blooded).

I don’t think the reveal that Kessler was “in his head” was that big of a surprise BUT the reveal (more or less) that he is basically Venom??? EDGE OF MY SEAT.

Because this is The Boys. It isn’t just a show that critiques politics, it’s also a show that actively puts the “super hero” under a microscope. And the fact that they used Billy Butcher as parallel to Eddie Brock? God help me if I wasn’t already writing up the ten million ways these two were similar (and annoyed at myself for not seeing it sooner).

Abusive father

Revenge driven

Cancer (though Eddie’s was kind of given to him by Venom) and in a way you can say Kessler (the V) gave it to Butcher.

Meet their respective partner at their lowest point.

Kessler’s blood thirsty nature to match Venom’s own violent tendencies.

Almost obsession with a past lover whom they had a rocky relationship with

But move past the relatively superficial and you almost see a reverse of Eddie Brock’s usual arcs. In the more modern iteration of the comics Eddie and by extension Venom want to be good people. Eddie is kind of established to be kind of a selfish guy (little more than kind of but I’m being generous) he is a hurt guy who hurts people around him, he’s kind of arrogant, a little twisted and just over all a bit of a dick. When he’s fired from his job his subsequent divorce or break up with Anne it’s not just a punishment for the actions in and of themselves but it’s a little more divine, like a punishment for everything he’s done up and to that point.

He goes to the church is going to kill himself and meets Venom was just spurned by Spider-Man (who Eddie also blames for his misfortune). The two enter a very unhealthy relationship based in this mutual hate, and bond to try and kill Spider-Man (a genuinely good hero who may have hurt Venom didn’t do so with malice) many times & fail many times. This essentially sets off a confluence of events that more or less ends with Eddie taking responsibility for his actions and Venom finding new love (also finding a desire to be *good*) in Eddie thus they attempt to be hero’s themselves despite the numerous crimes they’ve committed and reputation they have occasionally getting in their way. (Not the most accurate but the general summary of Eddie Brock).

Billy Butcher on the other hand has a different set of events that I believe is going to end with him being one of the villains by the end of the show: See while Butcher is never really a “good guy” he’s definitely a better guy in comparison to Homelander, Vought, and most of the Supes in general. His campaign for revenge, is fueled by a wrong that was truly committed (not to him but to someone he loved) and his program (The Boys) is a relatively legitimate government funded program meant to basically hold Supes accountable whenever they can.

But even if it wasn’t the case, Becca herself has said before that his rage and need for blood isn’t unusual for him and that it was only relatively recently that he got on the straight and narrow (before Becca disappeared and he fell off again). Personally I believe that Butcher would have found himself a White Whale of sorts even if HL hadn’t assaulted Becca and that it was only a matter of time. I think part of the reason I didn’t really see Butcher’s story going the Eddie Brock route was because one (there was no obvious way to expect a second consciousness in his head considering The Boys is mostly grounded in reality) and in this season the most, you see glimpses of a character arc. You see him grow past the Butcher we knew in season one (not screwing over Hughie again, being gentler with Ryan, TRUSTING Ryan, and even letting The Boys in on his plan) and so I thought in S4 that he was not long for the world.

But nope was I wrong. They did a complete 180 back to season one, fuck the world Billy Bloody Butcher. And don’t get me wrong, I’m not mad, I’m actually pretty excited to see what happens especially because I don’t think Butcher is necessarily the one behind the wheel anymore.

See one of the questions I’ve always asked about Eddie and Venom (and now I ponder with Butcher and Kessler) is who is in control? In the comics, when Venom leaves Eddie after the cancer thing, Eddie is a HUGE anti-Venom (lmao pun intended) proponent before he even get the suit. He’s angry at Venom, calls them a parasite and the “true cancer” or something to that effect, before he even knows Venom gave him the cancer. And when Mac Gargan has Venom a lot of his rhetoric sounds a lot like Eddie’s when he has Venom. He proclaims to love Venom and says that the only reasons he doesn’t kill Eddie is because Venom still loves him, even Tel-Kar, Venom’s “first host” repeats this same kind of reverence for Venom, even going so far as threatening Sleeper to get them to agree to go with him. Hell, even Flash Thompson describes it being painful being away from Venom for so long after bonding with them (and yeah I know they were trying to do the addiction parallel with him but the point still stands). My theory has always been (if it hasn’t already been confirmed) that to some extent Venom and maybe even symbiotes as a species manipulate their host on a physiological level into “loving” them. In order to survive, basically how do you ensure your host will never leave you? People don’t leave the ones they love.

And for Kessler I think that instead of manipulating Butcher into loving him, he’s instead taken over Butcher’s amygdala. Basically Kessler is ensuring his survival by feeding on Butcher’s anger and giving him just enough control to think he’s in charge and this in turn gives him (Kessler) a vessel to be safe in. Kessler is powerful as fuck, he killed Neuman, he took a bullets to the chest like it was nothing and look at how he fixed Butcher up (like how Venom fixes Eddie up). I think Becca was right in some sad way, that even when Billy does kill HL, it won’t be enough and maybe it won’t be because Butcher is an angry person but because Kessler won’t allow it to be enough. Because the only way he’ll be able to keep Butcher from seeing him for what he is (a parasite, literal cancer) is by keeping his rage and anger focused outward and into the world. And isn’t that fucking tragic?

Sorry if this wasn’t the most accurate when talking about the Venom stuff, I haven’t read the comics in a bit and I was doing this all from memory 🥲😅

[soshadysoquiet]

An attempt to salvage S4, for your delectation. S4E5

This one got long, get yourself a snack.

EPISODE 5

Flashback to Luther: He's set up base camp in the academy's condemned halls and is trawling through phonebooks for days.  Making money clearing tables so he can pay a sketch artist to draw her. Posting missing posters for Sloane. Seen begging the others to help him search at times - Diego and Lila feed him at their house and Diego is asking where he's living. Laughs about it but looks worried. Moves in with them briefly, moves out. He tries talking to the police. Lamenting drunkenly about it at the bar Viktor works at with Five drunk beside him. Sobbing at home around a pillow with the drawing of Sloane's face taped to it. Picking up more work at the club, more drunken nights at the bar with Five or Klaus or Diego right there with him. Missing messages on the phone from siblings until it's that they need to get to the hospital to see Klaus, them all putting in money for rehab for him together. Them all going to more family gatherings and Luther starting family newsletter. Seeing things that remind him of Sloane and smiling, rather than crying. Being there for Diego and Lila, helping take a drunk Five home, asking Ben to chip in for Klaus' rehab. Visiting Ben in prison, being more lively with the family and less morose, getting the academy into slightly better shape. The camera pans around to the sketch artist picture of Sloane, now in a frame next to the phone as a call is recieved, Luther picks it up this time, though the camera stays on the picture - we hear it ask if he wants to take a call from the state penitentiary (i.e. Ben calling to come get him from Ep 1).

In present day the siblings are lolled in their seats. Reggie shares a look with Abigail, then starts to speak, taking them back in time.

We see the start of the mission etc the same, same rules from Reggie, Ben gets Jennifer out and down and the others come to find them and start berating him (Luther, Allison and Diego at least, Klaus is so high/nervous he's laughing it all off panickedly.) They get too loud and shots ring out Ben dives from the container, holding Jennifer, the Horror's tentacles lash out to help them land safely. Diego throws a knife at the shooter. Jennifer grabs a tentacle for stability. The gunner goes down. Jennifer's hands glow as she touches the Horror and Ben's stomach begins to beam the same dark light as her hands. The horror explodes into mess of action. Jennifer is thrown, Ben is screaming, the others are in shock and trying to call to Ben. The portal expands as the Horror pushes its way through and it seems like Ben is folding back on himself, diminished by the Horror.

Reginald bursts onto the scene as the Horror starts thrashing and injuring the umbrellas. He's shouting at them to attack, that they have to, that they need to put it down. There's so much chaos and fighting screaming, roaring. The remaining guards of the container are getting killed and firing at the Horror. Reggie shoots Jennifer in the head and Ben is can't be seen beneath the mass of tentacles, Reggie shouts to the umbrellas to take action or let their brother suffer like this.

One by one they do as Reggie begins to physically push them. Luther is strangling tentacles, eyes wide and frantic, shouting for Ben that they're coming for him, Allison is scream/sobbing 'I heard a rumour that you stopped, that you went away' at the tentacles and the mass of Horror where Ben had been standing as it's getting bigger. Diego is throwing knives and Klaus isn't laughing anymore but he's on his hands and knees shellshocked and mouthing 'Ben' soundlessly. The Horror is gradually beaten back by their combo. Where it was is a lifeless Ben.

They're exhausted and covered in blood. Reginald gives them the lines they've been repeating. Is seen berating it at them in the Minerva on the way home, making them say it to their reflection, making them say it again and again and again. When they arrive back and Viktor goes to meet them, sees them with Grace beside him, asks what happens. They one by one repeat one of the lines lifelessly until Reginald tacks on 'Ben was the best of us' etc.

In the present day the siblings wake thrashing and horrified from their group memory. Some lash out at Reggie, at each other, some are sick and quiet.

Five, swallowing roughly, asks what happened. Reggie explains that Jennifer is one of the 43, like all of them has a unique ability and that it took him a while to find her - she can reverse portals. Normally such a power in this primitive world wouldn’t have ever surfaced, but when in contact with Ben enables the reversal of the portal in his stomach, and frees The Horror into the world. The Horror was the reason his home world was ravaged into ruin

Abigail pipes in that her research was what had caused the Horror to arrive in their world in the first place, and that her attempt to fix it, by splitting all the science and energy she had used in creating the machine that had freed it, resulted in the Marigolds - the science had to be transformed, it couldn’t be undone, but it was too late for our world. It was dangerous to leave the marigolds together in their container in case they reacted again, Reginald says he thought that humanity would suitably numb the Marigolds, perhaps leave them just useful enough without being terribly dangerous.

Pause to shoot scathing remarks at Reggie.

Reggie remarks about even the best laid plans.

They get back on track with what does that mean for them now, Ben’s already run off with Jennifer. Then we must move quickly- says Reg. As the moment Jennifer touches the Horror we are doomed. They must be kept apart, failing that, one or both must die.

Viktor says to Abigail then why were you trying to get us to save Jennifer, or getting Ben to do it? Lila reminds them about her being part of the cult that is promoting The Cleanse.

Abigail looks to Reggie, who is shocked. Says that the cycle has to be fixed Reggie, it can’t go on like this. Reggie affronted and they have a fight, she leaves, saying that if he could only see what he’d done wrong, what they all always did wrong, then they could save the world this time, truly.

Pause for them to mock Reggie that his wife’s idea of saving the world is making an apocalypse, which is what he’d always tried to fight.

‘Yes, well, she came back different than I’d anticipated.’ He says, and says he must move to prepare. Half of them follow him demanding what that means - Viktor, Luther, Diego.

Allison and Klaus - who had been the least reactive and most shocked by the Ben flashback, are collecting themselves. Five says he’s wondering what Jennifer meant by ‘what they All Always do wrong’ Klaus and Allison are asking what he even means, shouldn’t they go find Ben?

Even if we find Ben, we don’t know how to stop this, what we did wrong, what we always do wrong. If we could find out that maybe we’d know what to do right - Five.

Lila exclaims about the subway, Five is looking grim. Lila says you know that means we’ll have to go past your apocalypse again right? Klaus is saying woah woah woah what? Allison is frowning. 

Five briefly explains the subway lines, that the map is unreadable - brings it out, plus the city blueprint - but that there’s Some stations that all the trains stop at. He says -I was getting confused about it, but seems like when you take the timeline train at those stations, you have to travel to a new connection Above Ground.

And guess whose own personal hell is the crossroad station right next to this one. Lila taps where they’ve made a mark on the map. Allison and Klaus share a look. Okay FAMILY MEETING - she shouts upstairs.

Jennifer and Ben are talking about what brought them together, she says that of course the real reason they're together is "it" pointing to The Horror. She says she wants to meet it, can she?

Lila and Five are discussing if he’s ready for this as we see all the fam depart from the house in groups, he says they’ll find out and blinks them into subway

Diego and Luther are in Wanda, Luther ask’s if he’s okay. Diego says feeling sidelined by his own wife? I’m great. Luther points out that they Do get to break into the CIA at least, flashing Five’s ID pass. Diego grins at that, saying that yeah, they’ll find Ben and save his sorry ass, then he’ll give Five and Lila a piece of his mind.

Viktor is saying to Allison and Klaus if they’re sure about this? Allison says she can handle Dad, and Klaus says it’s not like he can kill me now, and not that we don’t think you can handle Dad’s psycho wife on your own but we’d feel better if we knew you were okay so - manifests Dave and introduces - he’ll protect you, or let me know if you’re not safe, not sure how this works long-distance really. Viktor seriously says thank you to Klaus, and let’s go to Dave.

Ben and Jennifer: Ben's unsure, usually a unanimously negative reaction to the Horror, she’s saying let me change that etc.

In the subway, Lila and Five are below the apocalypse station, Five’s shaking himself, drinking from a hip flask he stashed at Reggie’s, Lila’s telling him he doesn’t need that. They go up the stairs, Five doesn’t make it out the station before blinking back downstairs. Lila groans, goes down to find him drinking and pacing.

Diego and Luther get into the CIA with 60% lunacy, 20% luck and 20% innovation

Viktor is trying to tail Abigail - going to keepers HQ, but finds instead them amassing for war, he blends in with Dave watching over.

Diego and Luther shenanigans and locate Ben Via CIA tomfoolery, also find out Dad runs the CIA basically and has been keeping tabs on all of them, but also he’s got info on the other 43, and one of them is Sloane. She’s actually hidden in Reggie’s basement. Luther is frantic that she was right under their noses, they have to get to her, Diego sees his emotions and just says ‘lets go get your wife bro’.

Allison and Klaus worm their way in with Reggie and pester him constantly, they bring up their life and throw out ‘not that you’d know’ when saying how important it might be for them all to know there was a danger in this timeline and demand to know what he’s going to do - He says isn’t it obvious? Your brother has to die. They’re silent. Then very Not silent.

Allison lays into him about how he’s a conniving SOB and none of this was part of the deal, he says well you got what you wanted, didn’t you? No matter the cost? Are we so very different? She’s shocked silent.

Klaus pipes up that it’s no wonder we turned out the way we did with you as a father, but what’s truly impressive is that we manage to be Better than you at every turn, despite being raised by you -if you can call it that- with you as a father. Allison casts him a shocked look.

Klaus goes along the lines of ‘whilst my sister may have a saviour complex a mile wide, and a self important streak to match-‘ ‘thank’s Klaus’ ‘-She’s actually caring and reliable, and a better parent than you could ever be.’ Allison is very touched, and turns on Reggie ‘And despite Klaus’ self-destructive attention seeking-‘ ‘hey!’ ‘He’s the person I’ve come to rely on most, and trust, and I respect that he has even a shred of sanity after the hell you put him through.’ They share a mo, Reggie goes to interrupt and Allison rumours ‘I heard you can’t make a call on killing Ben without my say so.’ Klaus gives her a high five and they sit back to let a very pissed Reggie track down Ben for them and tell them about the cleanse.

Ben and Jennifer: He’s uneasy, worried that it will change what they have, she’s insistent, that there’s nothing to be worried about, that she can give him the total acceptance he’s always craved, always deserved.

In the subway Lila is berating Five, he snaps back, she slaps the hip flask away and it spills out on the tracks. He’s pissed, shouts about how maybe it’s a little hard to go back into he literal hell he’s been avoiding for years without something to take the edge off. She softens a bit, a little impatient but says that he’s dealt with this before, it’s only the once and it’s different this time, he’s not alone, he’s got his family with him, right? - awkward smile. Five softens too, if a little in defeat. Yeah, yeah I do. She offers her hand and he takes it, slowly she leads him back, at the top, he freezes, but makes himself walk out into the apocalypse.

Reggie, Allison and Klaus have left the premises and are also circling around the part of the city with the Academy, but there’s protestors from The Keepers everywhere trying to keep out the non-believers, they’re stuck trying to find a way in.

Ben to Jennifer: Promise me this won’t change anything, I’ve got no one left but you- releases The Horror

Viktor and the throng of keepers has been swept up to the old Academy and is guarding it. Viktor finds Abigail and confronts her - what is all this, I thought you wanted us to save him? Save them, and the world? You used me just like him! - Abigail responds that no, you out of all of them were the one who broke the mould, the one who would listen. You, Viktor Hargreeves, are your own person. Viktor, taken aback, takes that in, as Abigail stands aside so he can get to the door of the mansion.

Luther and Diego in Wanda scream back into Reggie’s house. They race through the halls to the basement, almost a replica of the journey to where Luther had once locked up Viktor. In there, Sloane is in Abbigail’s old chamber, Luther is shouting and works to get her out. Diego finds Grace hooked up and silent, and Pogo in another chamber. He shouts ‘Luther, Luther we need to calm down and figure this out rationally!’ Luther calms, agrees, and focuses on the details - the technology is what he used on the moon, he gets them all unhooked, they’re out but they’re not moving. Luther is talking to Sloane, calling to her, that he’s here and he’s never forgotten what they had, she' comes's coming around around. Pogo is waking up on his own, but Grace isn’t. Diego kneels by her and holds her hand, says he knows it’s bullshit that she can’t feel anything, that she helped make him the man he is now, the parent he tries to be for his children, even if it’s tough some days, and that more than anything, he’d like her to meet them, because he knows she’d be so proud. Grace wakes up, Sloane does too - astonished and joyful that Luther is alive. And the reunions are very heartfelt.

Ben and Jennifer: Jennifer is entranced by the Horror, reaching out. Nothing will change, I know you’ve only got me. Me, and our squid -

‘And us.’ Viktor announces coming round the corner, Ben frowns, Jennifer is surprised. The Horror is wavering towards Jennifer. Viktor says that they might not be close, maybe they pushed themselves on Ben, maybe none of them would get along anyway and we can never replace the family you lost, but we’d like to try being the family you found, if you’re up for letting us get to know you. Ben for a moment lets his guard down, his grip softens on his powers briefly and The Horror shoots out at Jennifer. Viktor shouts ‘No’ and shoots his powers, but we see as the Horror touches Jennifer before getting severed that her powers awaken. Ben screams, the Horror writhes, the Cleanse is beginning.

[grey-sides]

Hi! Not sure if you’re still taking prompts, but I’d love to read about billy and steve post-starcourt, but with the pretext of them having broken up for some reason before the whole mindflayer business, and how they deal with the aftermath! (Or post-s4 too! Up to you!)

Hi! Another ancient anon, I am so sorry. I hope this satisfies you. Billy is present physically, but not speaking because we're just not there yet. Enjoy!

(Post S3, Billy survives)

They had broken up at the beginning of the summer, after only a couple of months of whirlwind romance. Steve had waffled about meeting a girl to settle down with, and Billy had insisted that he was California bound as soon as possible.

So the best thing and the worst thing had ended. And Steve was okay to see it go.

Of course, it's not easy breaking up with someone. Even when you feel justified, Steve still thinks of him. Of nights slowly warming up and potential just beginning. Of what going to California together might have looked like.

But there was also the arguments, the fights back and forth about something or someone else. So he doesn't miss that part.

But he does miss Billy. A lot. Often. It makes flirting with girls hard. It makes planning for a future hard. It makes it all...hard.

And despite a month and a handful of change of days in between their breakup and now, it's not easier. Steve finds himself wondering if it will ever get any easier.

It is easier to forget in the basement of Starcourt. Kind of. Not as easy when he's waiting for the end to come and he's thinking about how he never told Billy that he was just waiting for permission to make it into something more.

That girls were nice and marriage was a dream, but his dreams could change, they had before. He would have followed. Or he would have lead. He just wanted Billy's permission.

It's a damn miracle they make it out of the basement and back to society. Another miracle that he and Robin survive whatever the hell they were stabbed with.

Steve's feeling good, confident, ready to take on world when they get onto the second floor. Lucas has firecrackers and whoever is controlling the flesh monster he's heard bits and pieces about is going to be blown to bits when he gets through with them.

It's less of a miracle when Steve sees who it is. Wearing a tank top and jeans, looking like hell warmed over.

Billy.

The thought of his dreams. The person Steve would have taken to his grave, a piece of his heart, nestled up towards his soul.

Steve can't get his feet under him to look down at Billy on the first floor, carrying El. She's saying something to him which Steve can't hear over the roar of his heart and the roar of the people and the roar of the words he's never going to have the chance to say.

Billy does what he does best. He holds back the tide. Like the emotion Steve swore was swimming in his eyes, an ocean of feeling he could never really let go.

He falls and Steve watches. And the monster falls too and the world rights itself but it will never be right again.

The words he's never said are choking him up and Robin is ushering him away so they can be seen.

The ceiling is coming down, or maybe the floor is falling, Steve can't tell. And the parking lot doesn't feel stable when he steps out into it.

His chest is a cavernous hole, the size of the monster Billy controlled and held back.

Steve goes to the hospital and Robin holds his hand. Their group, all of them, are given a section in the emergency department to be looked over.

And while Steve's holding ice to his eye, he hears snatches of conversation between Joyce and a singed Hopper.

Something about a stretcher, emergency surgery, he was still breathing when they picked him up.

Steve remembers hearing that JFK was still breathing when he arrived at the hospital, but it didn't matter. He can't let himself hope.

When he gets discharged with a prescription for painkillers that he won't touch and a quiet house because his dad is away again. Steve waits to hear something.

It's Max who calls him. He doesn't know what she knows or if she's just making calls because she's Billy's closest family member.

"Unconscious, still, but...I guess they think he might wake up," Max says, voice raw from probably the twenty phonecalls she's made. "Fourth floor, trauma ward, room 421."

Steve almost snorts because Billy would probably find that funny. But he suppresses it, writes down the information on a half sheet of paper.

"Thank you," Steve says, clears his throat. "Thanks, Max."

"He can have two visitors at a time and there's no one there right now, so..." Max trails off and Steve knows what she wants.

"I'll head over soon."

When they hang up, Steve doesn't even change. He's wearing sweatpants, but he doesn't care when he grabs his car keys.

He drives just at the limit to the hospital and he's sure Hopper would give him a pass now after all that happened. But he stays safe, as safe as he can. So Billy is the only one who has to lay in a hospital bed.

He's not ghostly pale when Steve sees him. Maybe a little pale, but he looks alive and warm. Steve lingers in the doorway for a moment.

He knows they broke up. For a hundred reasons and Steve thinks all of them were stupid.

And he doesn't want to take Billy's choice from him, but he doesn't know what he would choose either. He doesn't even know if Billy is going to wake up.

So Steve takes a breath and picks up a chair. His face is still fucked up and his ribs hurt a bit when he does breathe deeply. But he's standing.

He takes a seat and reaches for one of Billy's hands. It's still warm and he brushes his thumb against the callouses on it.

"Hey," he murmurs. "I don't know if you can hear me or if you even want me here, but I'm going to be here. Sometimes. And I just- I miss you. And I still love you. I hope you wake up so we can figure this out."

Steve doesn't know if there is anything to figure out. If Billy won't want to touch their relationship with a ten-foot pole or not.

But Steve has seen real monsters and survived. He's beaten a demigorgon with a baseball bat. And now he's survived fucking Russians.

So he lets a little hope in and he opens his mouth to speak over the roar of the words still unsaid.

[all-pacas]

Doesn't Chase interpret Cameron's resignation as her officially choosing him over House? It's not that cut and dry, of course, but it is the start of their relationship: her choosing Chase, finally. If she gets fired, doesn't that go away? So now, he feels even more insecure because Cameron could theoretically go back (in his mind) he's just the next best option for now.

(in an au where cameron is fired in human error as well)

I'm not sure honestly. We don't really know what Chase thought of Cameron's resignation, seeing as it was the season finale and we don't see them again for months. House in S6 suggested she did it for Chase, and I think in part it was because of Chase, but at the same time… Cameron didn't literally quit her job to date a man, right? That wasn't the only factor. In S5 Chase suggests it was "to get away from House's insanity," which Cameron corrects him on (she quit for that reason; he was fired), but it does sound like much more of a Cameron thing to say, and it matches her attitude in Human Error.

Also, as much as House is a major source of insecurity for Chase when it comes to Cameron, I don't know if it was ever as blatant as pick me over him. After Cameron and House made out in Half Wit, she spent a week or so trying to get caught and make House jealous (which Chase called her on), but when he did catch them and didn't react — Cameron's plan failed! — Cameron kept on propositioning and sleeping with Chase. If she really only wanted to make House jealous, she would have lost interest in Chase. In Fetal Position they're still having dinner together; in Airborne House isn't even in the country and they have sex in an old lady's house. Arguably, she already picked Chase over House. (And it's probably not a coincidence that Fetal Position is when Chase is shown to have caught feelings, for exactly that reason. If she's not doing this to make House jealous, she must like him.)

The timeline in Human Error is pretty weird, but Cameron also handed in her resignation after she went to Chase's house. (It was apparently the same night, judging from her clothes, so I would love to know how that conversation went when she took off from Chase's.) Hell, the reason the timeline is weird might be specifically because of that: to show that Cameron picked Chase before leaving the job.

If anything, I can see her being fired as making Chase feel better, because you know Cameron is going to hold a grudge against House for a while, and that means that in S4 she's going to do less Obvious Pining and hanging around diagnostics, which did bother Chase, because he suspected Lingering Feelings. (And frankly, probably correctly. Even if she wasn't in love with House, Cameron always has lingering feelings.) A Cameron who has decided House is her enemy now is a Cameron who is not finding excuses to hang out with him, even if I'm sure she eventually gets over it and goes back to normal.