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heartidylla · 1 year

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midnights — high infidelity

javier peña x reader

summary : “just one minute”, was the phrase that you and javier had engrained into your souls. that was until you found out that after all the time you spent together you were his mistress. you continue to love him from a distance, making choices for the benefit of him without his input.

warnings : cheating, angst, mentions of wine // alcohol.

speaking color coding

“” — javier

“” — you

“” — other

god, you hate him.

you despise how often he puts you in these moments where you're being blinded by flashing lights, all closely awaiting for any slip ups within your words in order to bash your credibility, that you built from the ground up, beyond repair.

you, to hide your identity you used the off name of ms. cherub (nickname used by some, cher), was bestowed your own branch within the united states FBI. it was designed specifically for you and your team of five alone. you are given a problem, you go and fix it or make it go away no matter how dirty it is.

it's no wonder why you always find yourself ending up in columbia to handle the DEA's questionable actions. you believed they were doing the best they could for the world and that their branch of work is extremely overwhelming and frustrating, so even if you were within a flooding of work you'd manage to find time to assist them and continue leading your team to success back at your headquarters in california.

however, they always managed to keep you on your toes because the moment you got off your private plan you were lead directly to a microphone in front of hundreds or reporters and terrified, innocent people. as you stand in front of those awaiting faces you find yourself to be completely silent, conjuring how to say the correct words on such short notice without even being able to look at all the details.

you lick your lips, and look down at the podium before it finally clicks within your brain and a pathway towards success is at last within your grasp. "the tragedy that occurred today was jarring to everyone. i understand the grief alongside you, your family, even your neighbors, and the people passing by you at the supermarket. i will not let this moment go unnoticed, i'll do everything in my power to help ease the tension within you all." you stated and took a moment to take a breath as you began to hear the claps of approval from the audience.

you look amongst all their blurry happy faces before you unfortunately laid your eyes upon those coffee brown eyes that you could recognize anywhere. the same ones that were looking at you with so much — too much affection for you to not become uneasy.

those same eyes that softened when he realized you were staring directly at him alone, and those lips... fuck, his lips dared to curve into the most breathtaking smirk you've ever seen him perform.

it caused your stomach to be filled with butterflies, forcing you to quickly exit the stage after bidding your goodbyes to the press and townspeople. "cher, wait up!" an infuriatingly familiar voice called out, making you deeply sigh before stopping in your place to turn around and face the man of all of your problems, if not 99% of them.

"yes, agent peña?" you raise an eyebrow and rested your hand on your purses over the shoulder string while turning around to speak to him for the first time in months.

"you can say my name, i know you know it fairly well." he says with a grin plastered from cheek to cheek, teasing you already.

your own flush with a bright red as soon as those filthy words come out of his mouth. "agent peña, that's wildly inappropriate — especially right now when there's press right over there!" you reply sternly, officially annoyed by his immense unprofessional behavior. to be truthful, you didn’t expect him to respond to your arrival any less.

"oh come on my ángel," he speaks as if he wrote his name on your forehead, deeming you as his only while invading into your personal bubble. he lifts his hand to caress your cheek, "we've known each other for a long time, let me take in this moment that i'm lucky enough to have with you...just one minute." whispering his thoughts into your ear while placing his colder lips into the depths of your hair, taking in your scent as much as he possibly could before you had to depart from his life once again.

just one minute. the same phrase that imprinted the two of you eternally.

javier has never experienced more fear in his life than the moment he heard you had been taken. the second the news got to him he immediately stopped sleeping and stayed up countless nights tracking you, begging to god that nothing or nobody would lay a finger on your body — the same one that belonged to the person he has loved for more than twenty years and continuously ongoing.

when he finally got a lead he was breaking down the lock to the front door. the same cursed door that had forced you inside, unable to see the light anymore. a matter of slurred curses were spilling out of him mouth while he took in the room.

that's when he laid eyes on you whom were laying down on the couch, clearly sedated and unconscious. another wound opened inside of him — one that was much more permanent and personal.

whoever did this — whoever took you from the safety of your own home acted as if your life was just some game token would face serious repercussions, he’d make sure of it.

though, the lightest part of the horrid situation was when you awoken you scolded him rapidly about the list of dangers that he had to withstand. he grinned at your angered state, enjoying the typical warmth of worry you gave off to him alone while he had the chance.

honestly, he didn't know you were keeping count of the entirety of them and he fell even harder for you because you didn’t care about your own wellbeing and only his: a selfish and admirable act.

the day before javier peña got married, he had secretly met up with you. he needed to share to you his doubts about his engagement, and how everything you two had wasn't just some mistake. to you, it was the first time that you realized he wasn't available. he had kept it so well hidden that it was a quick and damaging shot into your heart, an unexpected assault.

it was pouring down rain. you two were standing out in front of the chapel he was suppose to attend tomorrow. the rain soaking both of your hair as you blindly hoped that he would come out and say this was all some sort of sick prank — that this entire time you thought he was yours, he truly was and not the fact that it had truly been one sided. "are you insane javier peña?! you have a wife?!" you yelled louder than you have ever raised you voice before, whipping your hands down to your sides like a little kid having a tantrum. to say that you were heartbroken was an understatement.

"please, àngel, you don't understand." he tried to ease your ill, the ones that were permanently drilled into your rapidly growing worries and guilt.

you scoffed, "i don't understand? oh i think i understand plenty. you're married. you're getting married tomorrow. you've been freeloading off of me! whatever we had before, it's over." you sternly stated in his face, throwing whatever jab you could at him before you needed to disappear from him for good.

then, you turned away from him. at a last minute of hoping that he'd somehow manage to you back he grabbed your wrist, pulling you back into his embrace. "we're not over. we can never be over. i'm never going to get over you." he confesses, wrapping his arms tightly around you as if he was praying to for that you wouldn't dare to leave his grasp again — to not walk out of his life and him never getting the liberty to see you again.

you bite your lip, holding back the crocodile tears that are threatening to fall from your eyes. everything about him you couldn't help but succumb to. you love this man, more than anyone in your life.

you love waking up in the mornings and seeing his sunlit honey soaked face light up when he realizes he's sleeping next to you. you love how he massages your shoulders after a long day from work, how he cooks dinners to the best of his abilities whenever you are unable to, how he breathes lighter when you are near. everything he does, you deeply admire.

"you're getting married tomorrow, and you're worried about getting your mistress back?" you roll your eyes at his unbelievable case, not believing his words for a second.

"you're far more than that." he whispered intimately into your ear. his breath tickling your neck as if the temptation to listen to every word he has to spill out in order to get you back wasn't enough. "forgive me. i love you." he continued, trailing his wet kisses alongside the side of your neck. it made you flinch due to the colder temperature of his lips.

"please stop." you say breathless, unable to even convince yourself that you want this — whatever the hell this is to stop.

"i can't stop — i won't." he gently shakes his head back and forth, rejecting any thoughts of a chance that you two ever split apart.

you swallow down a harsh pill, the one that clarifies he's engaged and he can't and won't ever be yours.

you separate both of your bodies, becoming incomplete puzzle pieces once again. "you have to! we've seen each other on many different occasions, over the past week eight different times. you need to get married to that nice girl and live out a normal life, go be a DEA agent like you desired and come back home to her: the woman that clearly loves you dearly." you shout at him once again. his face held such a distraught expression that you desperately needed to look away to protect your own heart.

"...we're done." your voice comes out weak as you took a step away from him — from your home. as he watches your disappearing figure his knees give out, the puddles of rain soaking his jeans. he didn't know what to do without you, his sun, nor did he know that you were keeping count of how many visits the you two had.

when you got to your apartment that you rented out years ago, you immediately were drowning yourself with a bottle of wine.

you eye the records that sat on a stand, and decided to put on some of your favorites. the same ones that he had cursed for the rest of your days.

you wanted to regret ever meeting him, ever laying your sight onto him and expecting more from him. now, you were just some mistress and he had been high with infidelity.

after your meet up the day before his wedding, he went and talked to his soon-to-be-wife, and bent the truth too far that night. he had danced around the fact that he was planning on disappearing on his wedding day.

"go ahead! put on your headphones and burn my city!" he yelled at his future wife, throwing his arms up in the heat of the argument. the fence that surrounded his bordered up heart was as sharp as knives, never letting her come even close to disarming them.

taking off her headphones, her teary eyes met with his furious ones. "where did you go, javi?" she asked with a corse voice, begging for him to answer her truthfully.

his mouth immediately dried as he rubbed his recently shaved chin. "do you really wanna know where i was april 29th?" he questioned her, even though he already knew damn well what she really wanted from him. she bobbed her head, awaiting his answer.

he paused, taking a moment to look away from her and to ponder about the one he truly loves. "do i really have to chart the constellations in her eyes?"

that’s when they both knew the storm was coming, the one that would end the suppose happiest moment of both of their lives. javier was a great husband, and she should’ve seen the bad omen from the get-go.

she knew of javier’s relations with his mistress, but she was his soon to be wife. the person he chose to be in his life forever. she wasn’t scared or threatened by her until this moment, at this point in time she had never been more angered by the fact that she lost him to her.

the ideology of perfection, that’s exactly what she was. she was genius with political stunts, coming up with mastermind plans, and always winning. she should’ve known better than to compete with that. it was a loosing game from the start, and that alone was all she could think about as she drug her feet right down the aisle. she didn’t expect for him to come back to her, and he didn’t.

at your house, you began to feel immensely lonely within your luxurious apartment. you rested your head on the couches armrest, taking in every single detail of you and javier’s messy past. every single time you came down here you were always distracted by him and the memories you two share.

honestly, back then you’d pay him good money if he’d just knew you and leaving him seemed like the right thing at the time. as time went on, all of his calls that you ignored, all of the lustful stares, and the tension within the air began to suffocate you. all you wanted was him, the one person you couldn’t have.

he was way too good at his job, and you knew the second you showed him any chance of you two actually getting together he’d pack up his things and travel across the world with you; assisting you in your branch because he could bring his incredibly useful skills and use them across the united states, across DC.

your phone rang, making you twitch from the immediate noise. after putting down the folders which held information on the case onto the table before you, you answered instantly, “this is cherub speaking.” you announce into it.

“it’s murphy.” steve’s voice came through it, making you slightly smile in relief.

“what is it now steve?” you question him with an amused tone, leaning back into your couch and taking a sip from the wine you had almost finished.

“it’s javier, ever since the two of you met up at the press conference he’s well… been drowning himself in whiskey.” he worriedly tells you, as it seemed that javier was groaning within the background clearly the alcohol started to hit him extremely hard.

your face fell, and eyebrows furrowed. “agent peña is not my problem to solve — he is not the reason why i’m here.” you reminded him, rolling your eyes before trapping the phone between your ear and your shoulder, picking up the folders once more due to the fact that you wouldn’t need to travel anywhere.

“i know it’s none of my business, and i care about you both dearly — you know this.” murphy begun, and you warned him to choose his next words carefully unless he wanted to start something. “but, there’s many different ways you can kill the one you love, and the slowest way is never loving them enough.” he tells you, making you tense up.

you’re protecting javier, that’s all you ever done. you wanted him to live out a normal life with a nice girl.

you were just a mistress to him, those words he spoke to you on that rainy night … they were just lies that were spilling out of his mouth. there is no way he could love his mistress.

you bit down on your lip harshly, being able to taste the crimson red metal that began to melt into your tounge. “agent murphy,” you darkly spoke through the phone as he had tread on some thin ice, “the next time you advise me about something you have no clue what you’re talking about, you better watch your back. i do not play around when it comes to my credibility. javier needs to get his act together. he is an incredible DEA agent and someone that is dire to the team. as his partner, i believe that responsibility falls onto your shoulders and not mine. now, if that is all this call is finalized.” you spoke at a rapid rate, something you only do when your angered or threatened before ending the conversation between the two of you the second you get the last word out.

you took a deep breath, the sickness that had been pilling up within your throat wouldn’t go away. it hadn’t ever since you left him alone that night. after tonight, you knew that “just one minute” needed to be over.

javier’s mental state couldn’t withstand seeing you anymore. he needed to keep his eyes set on his personal goal in life, the one that he only ever told you. you needed to be the one to push him to get it, because you knew damn well that you were his only weakness.

looking past your desire for him, you decided to make one more call for the night. the person on the other phone picked up immediately after the first ring. “tell willow to get packed up and fly her on a plane to columbia. i have a statement and plans already set to end this problem. notify her that she will be taking up the DEA’s problems for me forevermore. i’ll be back in the office to help our client in the morning.” you order through the phone.

“alright cher, i’ll get that done immediately for you. i’ll see you in the morning.” your teammates voice over the phone replied, allowing you to hang up after.

you truly believed this is for the best. everything you’ve ever done is for his benefit alone, that’s how much you love him. you admire him so deeply that you’re willing to let him go in order for him to fully commit to his dream, leaving you in the dust.

after all, you convinced yourself that you were just some mistress he found pleasure in during his rocky marriage; nothing more, nothing less.

"we've known each other for a long time, let me take in this moment that i'm lucky enough to have with you...just one minute."

you ripped yourself from his grasp. “don’t you get it? there are no more ‘just one minutes’ with us. we’re done javier peña — done.” you poke at his heart, verbally and visibly puncturing through it with the tip of your finger. “i was your mistress at some point. we’re never going to be able to be together again…” your voice loses it’s fierce throughout your sentence. “can’t you understand that? i can’t love you the way you desire me to.” your words take more damage than a bullet to the head. the only person he’d ever let into his life — his heart, was the same one who stood before him, demolishing it.

the press began to make it’s way to you once again. the flashing lights and ramped questions slowly closed in on the two of you. “i have to go, and you need to let go of me.” there you go again, leaving him all alone. it wasn’t the first time, but it was the last.

previous javier peña song chapter

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#ao3 writer #javier pena #javier pena fic #javier pena imagine #javier pena fluff #fanfic #javier pena x reader #javier pena narcos #javier x reader #javier peña #wattpad #narcos x reader #narcos

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safirefire · 4 months

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look I understand the intent behind liberal voting rhetoric so much because that is what shaped the early years of my voting life. “Voting is like a bus” if you can’t get all the way there vote for the person that will get you to the closest stop then work from there. “If you hate both candidates don’t vote for one person vote against the other person” a lot of rights in America are fragile and contingent upon which party is in office so vote against the worse one.

But the Democratic “closest bus” and “vote against the other candidate” person is directly responsible for allowing a full scale genocide to happen. Allowing him an easy path to victory will show the establishment that there are no lines they can’t cross that won’t guarantee them victory. In a nation built on racism and colonialism, the “lesser evil” still doesn’t change the State’s global position and any minor relief within America is still a bandaid for larger systemic issues.

I can’t tell anyone how to behave and many people will still vote for Biden but he is directly allowing genocide against Palestinians to proceed and people criticizing him are not your enemy. Local elections are unbelievably important but those voting 3rd party or sitting out of presidential elections have valid reasoning why and if this upsets you, you should question why the option that you’re defending is 99% shit vs 100% shit and what this means for people of color in the world outside of America.

Do what you have to do just stop blaming people of color within the US who understand the full implications of allowing Biden to be the president for 4 more years after everything he has allowed.

#not books #us politics #biden #democrats #I have recs for getting involved with anti racist initiatives in the USA if you’re curious btw msg me #also if you agree with all this and still vote biden bc trump is worse i get that too #people just need to stop acting like those who don't want to vote biden are the problem when the entire establishment is the problem

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thequietmanno1 · 7 months

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TheLreads, Vigilantes ch 99, Replies Part 1

1) “That’s right, headache time! Oh this is gonna be great! Koichi is running from Aizawa, the heroes are being morons, and McBee finally decided to do some shit. We’re approaching the final stretch of the series now, so get ready, for Chapter 99: Phases”-Phases of the mind, phases of the moon. The Lunacy is upon us, it’s time to start the revelry in the Darkness….

2) “Pictured: Not a phase, mom”- It’s totally a phase. He even changed his whole look and vibe to fit with it better, as we can see he’s capable of doing that in the blink of an eye.

3) “Oh no McBee became a hacktivist, we’re all doomed!

Also, nice going with the “anonymity” there by using an army of nomus, that’s really not gonna be important for later on in the series at all”- Granted, these Prototypes don’t seem to have the trademark “exposed brain” look of the latter models, so I guess that threw off the investigators. I guess it depends on if any heroes happen to get a closer look at them or not, since the entire point of their mobilisation is to unsettle the civilians whilst avoiding a scene. 4) “Alright, they are isolated from the outside and can’t easily call for backup, sure. Would be actually worrisome if a handful of the top heroes were not around the place this exact moment tbh, but let’s see how it goes.”- On the one hand, this would be a great way to showcase the bonds and camaraderie that Koichi and more pointedly Pop, had built up in the area by motivating their allies to provide relief efforts to keep everybody calm, much like Pop did before during Tamao’s attack. On the other hand, it does allow the pro heroes to be distracted doing something else other than searching for Koichi, and have more professional aid overseeing this crisis- not to mention further supporting Tomura’s point later on about how “spoiled” the civilians have become under the care of heroes.

5) “But okay, fair, causing the blockages before shutting down communications would cause people to be able to call for help and more heroes would come swarming in

But… Naruhata is not an isolated city, it’s a neighborhood, even if the EMP cut-off communications for a few blocks, outside of that area people can still call for backup, they can look out of their window, see the smoke and fire coming from here and call the heroes, you know?”- The point’s been made before that the flashier and dramatic fights that fit in with MHA only draw in fighters that Koichi and Nomura aren’t at the level of being able to handle themselves against, so it makes sense for the climatic fight to be partly about keeping said conflict as low-key and off-the-grid as possible.

(Vigilantes ch 85) 6) “And hopefully they have some pro heroes taking care of it as well, right?

Sure, McBee did kill a lot of heroes, but those guys were morons, the same thing won`t happen again.

I suppose.”- Yeah, but because of that, Nomura’s intentionally more wide-scale and yet subtle with his plans this time, avoiding a big spectacle to try and leave everybody literally in the dark whilst he aims to swiftly assassinate Pop.

7) “TENSEI IS STILL RUNNING AROUND

OH MY GOD MAN, HOW FAR DID YOU GO THAT YOU STILL HAVEN’T GOTTEN BACK TO THE HOSPITAL? DID YOU CHASE KOICHI TILL THE NEXT TOWN OVER OR SOMETHING”- I think he’s circling the entire Naruhata Block, just in case Koichi tried to leave the neighbourhood/was flushed out by the more 3D vertically mobile heroes.

8) “My man, the fact the communications went down at the exact moment the power went should already be enough for you to deduct this shit is the work of a villain

Oh my god tensei, you’re so dumb, but we still love you”- The complacency of a safe and stable society affects everybody, heroes and civillains alike. They’re far more likely to assume it’s because of a big accident than assume it’s a villain’s operation, especially without any overt signs. It’s partly why Tomura and the League’s efforts have gained so much traction over on MHA, because even when the heroes were actively looking for those same subtle signs to uproot all of AFO’s plans, they’d already reached the point of no return, and the fallout from it all crashing down will not be pretty.

9) “Did that Nomu just grinned at him with malice? Did that Nomu just displayed enough sapience to know that he’s causing chaos and destruction and taking pleasure in doing so? Did it, Furuhashi? Was that what just happened? Tell me Furuhashi, is that what you are implying here? Do tell me”- I think it’s that Nomura is mind-controlling each and every Nomu, like a spare body, to simultaneously run a large covert operation in complete silence even without radio communication.

10) “Okay McBee you were on a good track, then you derailed it all quite quickly, what in the fuck

Can’t say you didn’t got what you wanted, I’m feeling intense dread and feeling unwell just thinking about how this all is gonna end.”- I wonder if Nomura can taste the food through the Nomus? He has sight and sound shared through them, given how big their mouths are, is taste also a shared factor?

11) “first off

what in the fuck dude.

This sort of psychological warfare should be done throughout a longer period of time, not five minutes before the strike. Nobody there will even have time to process what’s going on, what chaos are you planning to cause

what’s more likely to happen is that everybody will go home and keep hidden, afraid, even more considering it’s nighttime.”- I mean, I assume that these events are taking place over several hours apart, so there’s time for the unease to settle in. Furthermore, the traffic being blocked and the streets being dark and even more vulnerable to potentially getting mugged on the way home means that people won’t want to split up on their own, but also won’t want to cooperate with the strangers around them in case one of them is responsible for the damages they’re seeing. 12) “Not actually they aren’t divided, they are together right now, one chasing the other.”- And when push comes to shove, they have each other’s backs in order to help a mutual third party in need of aid. 13) “Yeah because they are two absolute dumbasses that haven’t noticed that sudden;y everything went dark around them”- Koichi, as we’ve established, is not very observant. Aizawa, by contrast, is needing to hyper-focus on him in order to ensure his Quirk is taking effect, especially since Koichi can still move just fine even when de-powered. 14) “Oh okay, lampshade hanging there, they have noticed, that just hasn’t stopped them from keeping this game of cat and mouse going.

If Aizawa really wanted to stop this he could just, you know, stop on his tracks, so Koichi could see he’s not trying to chase him. But no, let us continue the dumbassery”- Thank god for the Innocent civilian who forced them to both mutually stop and work together, right? What can’t endangering them solve? 15) “OH NO, THE SCOOTER IS TRAGICALLY HEADING TOWARDS THAT KID CONVENIENTLY STANDING ON THE SIDEWALK! OH NO, THE KID CAN’T MOVE BECAUSE REASONS, THE KID IS GONNA BE RUN OVEROR THAT CAN IS GONNA FLY AND THWACK HIM ON THE FACE”- The can will thwack the crab-man in the face, the scooter will run over the proverbial deer in the headlights straight ahead, and the girl will leap off her bike to safety, straight into that woman with the handbag. Just for the trifecta collision. @thelreads

#my hero academia #bnha #chapter replies #thelreads #bnha vigilantes #vigilantes 99

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subjectively-objective · 5 days

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Arcana 99 - Ch. 5

A Floating Relic

What is this? Next

Of course, I had heard of the Grenfell-Maxwell Marathon. Upon first hearing of it, and the prize that awaited the victor, I knew that this was the moment I was told to await. I quickly gathered a platoon of like-minded men and refitted an old zeppelin to carry us to victory.

The sight of the quarter-kilometer-long beast drew attention, but I became a Major for my ability to turn things around. We moored the zeppelin several miles behind the end of the race’s starting grid. We would launch before the race began and would drift to just behind the line by noon. After that, I would brief the men aboard of our mission, but before I could do either, I needed to finish this idiotic interview.

“So, what are your plans if you win this ‘wish’ everyone’s been promised?” The reporter laughed at the word ‘wish’ as he pointed the microphone to me.

“I care none for the wish, real or no. I only desire to show that Germany has moved beyond our wretched past and is a source of more than just war.”

Damned Englishman, you are the reason we’re seen this way.

“And you’ll certainly show the versatility of German engineering with your zeppelin back there. Might I ask what its name is?”

“Oh, yes, that is the Graf Zeppelin, but we call it the Graf II to avoid confusion. Built to be the sister ship of the Hindenburg, but after the disaster in ‘37, it was scheduled for destruction.” The reporter nodded along to my drivel.

You’d believe anything, wouldn’t you?

“I fought tooth and claw to keep it around, for historical purposes of course. I had the interior remodeled to better reflect the Hindenburg and even took it for a few test flights. Even then, I never thought I’d get the chance to fly it for any real journeys much less with so many watching,” I forced a natural smile, “It truly is an honor to be able to be the man that shows the world that airships need not be forgotten.”

Honor? A fool’s tool, and. . .

“Thank you for that insight, Mr. Kober. One final question, how are you prepared to obtain helium abroad with most of it being held in the US?”

It’s Major Kober you twit.

“Ha, the US may have 90% of all helium, but we’ve made contracts with the other 10%. Some of them were even willing to give it to us for free just to see the Graf fly overhead.”

“Wow, I suppose you have everything figured out, huh?”

You fucking imbecile. No amount of helium could make it fly, not without drastic changes to the ship. Hydrogen is the only option we have.

“Yes,” I smiled at the man, “planning ahead is a must when flying an airship. Misreading a weather map, flying too high, unevenly distributing weight, and venting too much air can all quickly lead to a crash. Even landing is an odyssey. We need specially built mooring masts which haven’t been made or used in twenty years. In fact, we had to order the construction of a mast both here and in Lake Petén Itzá just to be able to participate in the race. And, if we must build one at every stage and hire a ground crew to launch and land us, we’d probably spend more money than we could win!”

The reporter laughed then took a step back, “Well, that’s all we have time for. The race is going to start soon, and I’m sure you’re just dying to get started,” The reporter said some final words to his invisible audience then waved for the camera operator to stop filming. With that annoyance out of the way, I started for the Graf.

I boarded, and the vessel’s captain immediately ordered the 200-person ground crew to walk the Graf Zeppelin away from its moor. When we had reached an appropriate distance, he gave another order and they threw off the ropes tying us to the ground and the Graf began to gently lift off. If I hadn’t watched it happen, I never would have never noticed it due to the gentle nature of our ascent. When we reached our cruising altitude of 200 meters, I climbed up the ladder from the control gondola and into the Zeppelin’s hull. From there I walked into the lower deck’s interior. I turned left, walked through the Chief Stewards cabin which had been refitted into a cabin for our head doctor, and into the smoking room.

Inside sat the eight sergeants of our 85-man army. I gave them a swift briefing of our flight plans, and how they should prepare their troops for potential deployment. The officers knew that deployment was unlikely. I knew better but kept it to myself for now. I finished the briefing, and the other eight men all stood to relay the information to their squads. As they left, I stopped the fourth squad sergeant, Vasilij Hetzenauer, and gave him further instruction. I then made my way to the upper deck lounge.

We had refitted much of the old ship to better reflect our needs, but many of the niceties originally provided were too great to remove. We had kept the paintings, seats, and tables from the original design, however, the item I had wanted most, the aluminum Blüthner piano, had been destroyed during the war.

I had always held a fascination with musical instruments. The skill and artisanship required to make even a rudimentary one were immense. Every detail, every facet of the design had to be perfect. It was like a microcosm of life; to succeed, all imperfections must be removed and replaced. If you have an imperfect piano, you could fix the broken parts as they begin to interfere with its sound, but in the end, you would still need to remove them all. So, why waste time waiting for them to harm you?

My mourning was interrupted by sergeant Hetzenhauer stepping into the room. He had a rifle on his back and a tube in his hand. If I had looked closer, I would have seen that the tube was a single scope of a long-broken binocular. Of course, I had no need to look closer; I already knew what it could do. The sergeant walked past me and sat on a bench in the promenade. He opened the window before him and readied his rifle.

“I take it that you already know what I was going to order?” I said, sitting down on the bench beside him.

“I knew that ‘meet me in the lounge, bring your gun’ meant that I was about to fire it,” he fiddled with the rifle’s scope, “What I don’t know is how you expected me to see anything.”

I looked out my own window. The ground beneath us looked like little more than a muddy pond. A moment later, a lone fish leaped out of the water. It continued to climb upwards until its entire form was revealed to not be a fish but a plane.

“There’s your answer Hetzenauer. Dumont would win this race. . . if she can finish.”

Vasilij said nothing. He carefully aimed his rifle at the approaching plane and surveyed it for weak areas. The plane continued its rapid ascent, much more rapid than I thought Dumont would fly, and grew ever nearer to our vessel. In fact, she appeared to be on a direct collision course with us.

Is she really so desperate for attention? Oh well, she would be the only one hurt by such a crash.

I glanced at the old ship wheel hung on the wall above where the piano should have been.

Dumont’s plane was less than a hundred meters from us now, and sergeant Hetzenauer smiled, fumbled with his gun’s trigger, and quickly pulled it back inside the window. I barely had time to register that he had not even made a shot before Dumont’s plane eclipsed our windows and veered away from us.

With Dumont’s distraction over, I was able to fully focus on Vasilij’s direct failure, “You didn’t fire! Explain yourself right now!”

“I had two reasons for not firing, Major Kober,” He addressed me by my title, but his words held no respect, only necessity. “One, the pilot of that plane was not Dumont. Two, someone else had sabotaged her plane and caused one of the engines to catch fire.”

We weren’t the only ones thinking about eliminating Dumont. Good.

I congratulated Vasilij for his observational skills and dismissed him. He retired to the writing room next to the lounge. I looked out the window once more. The air beneath us was still too murky to make out any individual people. Craning my neck to glimpse at Dumont's shrinking plane, I could barely make out several thin, gray wisps emanating from it.

With first-place secured, I started towards the lower deck's bar.

Vasilij's voice emerged from the writing room and cut my plans short, “Major Kober!” His voice still held no respect, only urgency, “Two racers have already pulled ahead of us!”

What?!

I ran to the room. Inside a small radio was quietly tuned into the race. Out of the radio came the voice of the reporter that had interviewed me earlier, “. . .of the same team. This really does put the pressure on the other competitors. Can anyone but Dumont’s plane and Kober’s Zeppelin hope to stand up to these two magnificent competitors? Why, if I wasn’t watching this happen, I would dismiss it as fantasy. Yet, here they are. A motorcycle and a horse topping nearly one-hundred and fifty miles per hour. . .”

I looked at Vasilij.

Could they have. . .

“. . . ten minutes ago, I would have given the race to Dumont, and second place to Kober, but now it appears that second is likely to be. . .” The announcer’s voice became more muted as he spoke to the unheard people within the studio, “You really think I would fall for this nonsense? I know that this race is starting a bit strange, but you won’t make me look like a fool! I should have you fired for that! There’s no way. . .” Silence filled the airwaves as someone at the studio muted his microphone, “Are we back now?” His voice had lost all the wonder and cheeriness it held before. It had been replaced with the voice of someone’s whose entire world had been destroyed and violated before them; a voice I had only heard one other time, “God, this will be the end of my career,” He took a deep breath, and a rustling page could be heard, “The first stage of the Grenfell-Maxwell Marathon, from the Great Salt Lake to Flores, Guatemala, started on June 24, 1954, at 12:00 PM. Now, at 12:15 PM on the same day, it. . . it. . .” He sighed, paused, and sighed again, “We have a winner.”

What!? How dare they! First, those two bastards break ahead, and now someone else has already won? Verdammt, we’ll lose at this rate. Then we’ll never get the wish, and the Reich will never be reformed.

I stopped, afraid I had spoken. They were too transfixed by the broadcast to notice if I had. My lapse in concentration caused my wound to flare up. My cheek burned, and I soothed it the best I could with the moist handkerchief I kept for moments like this.

No. No, perfection is achieved by destroying the imperfect. And victory is achieved by destroying the undeserving victors. I cannot get caught up in minor setbacks. Not until I know who I can trust with my true goal.

That thought calmed me enough to ignore the pain. This race was certainly going to be more difficult than I anticipated, but with both the Graf and our manpower, victory was an inevitability. This race was merely a test. A test to ensure that the imperfect is removed and the perfect rise. I smiled, now certain of my success.

I am Gottlieb Kober, and this race is how I got my wish.

#writeblr #writing #creative writing #writing on tumblr #prose #original fiction #serial fiction #arcana 99 #day one

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top10legend · 8 months

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Top 10 Hosting Sites In India

The Ultimate Guide To The Top 10 Hosting Sites In India: Which One Is Right For You?

Welcome to the digital era, where having a strong online presence is key to success. Whether you’re a budding entrepreneur, a passionate blogger, or an established business owner, one thing remains constant – the need for reliable web hosting services. But with countless options available in India’s bustling hosting market, how do you choose the right one for your unique needs? Fear not! In this ultimate guide to the top 10 hosting sites in India, we’ve got you covered. From bandwidth and compatibility to security and customer support, we’ll break it all down so you can make an informed decision. So grab a cup of chai and let’s dive into the world of web hosting!

What Are Website Hosting Services And Which One Is Right For You?

Website hosting services are essentially the foundation upon which your website is built. It’s like renting space on the internet to store all your website files and make it accessible to visitors. Without a reliable hosting service, your website could suffer from slow loading times, frequent downtime, and security vulnerabilities.

When choosing the right web hosting company for you, there are several factors to consider. First and foremost is bandwidth – how much data can be transferred between your site and its visitors? This is crucial because if you have a high-traffic site or anticipate rapid growth, you’ll need ample bandwidth to accommodate all those eager visitors.

Next up is compatibility. Ensure that the hosting provider supports the programming languages used in building your website. If you’re working with WordPress or any other content management system (CMS), check if they offer specialised hosting packages designed for these platforms.

Reliability should also be a top priority. Look for a host that guarantees server uptime of at least 99%, as consistent availability ensures uninterrupted access to your site for users.

Last but certainly not least is security. Protecting sensitive user information should never be taken lightly. Choose a host that offers robust security measures such as SSL certificates, regular backups, and malware scanning tools.

Remember, each person’s needs may vary depending on their specific requirements and goals for their website. So take some time to evaluate what matters most to you before making a decision on which web hosting service suits you best!

How To Choose The Best Web Hosting Company?

When it comes to choosing the best web hosting company for your website, there are several factors that you should consider. First and foremost is bandwidth. This refers to the amount of data that can be transferred between your website and its users. It’s important to choose a hosting provider that offers sufficient bandwidth to accommodate your website’s traffic.

Next, compatibility is key. You’ll want to ensure that the hosting company supports the programming languages and software applications that your website requires. This includes things like PHP, MySQL, and content management systems like WordPress.

Reliability is another crucial factor in selecting a web hosting company. You want a provider who can guarantee high uptime rates, minimising any potential downtime for your site.

Security is paramount when it comes to protecting your website and its data from cyber threats. Look for a hosting provider that offers robust security measures such as SSL certificates, firewalls, and regular backups.

Now let’s talk about different hosting packages available. Shared hosting is an affordable option where multiple websites share server resources. VPS (Virtual Private Server) provides more control and dedicated resources but at a higher cost than shared hosting.

Bandwidth

Bandwidth is a crucial factor to consider when choosing a web hosting service. It refers to the amount of data that can be transferred between your website and its visitors within a specific time frame. In simpler terms, it determines how fast your website loads and how quickly users can access its content.

When selecting a hosting provider, you’ll want to ensure that they offer sufficient bandwidth for your website’s needs. If you expect high traffic or have media-heavy content like videos or images, you’ll require more bandwidth to accommodate these demands.

Having adequate bandwidth is essential because it directly affects the user experience on your site. Slow loading times can frustrate visitors and result in higher bounce rates, negatively impacting your search engine rankings as well.

To determine the right amount of bandwidth for your website, consider factors such as current traffic levels, growth projections, and file size of your web pages. It’s always better to opt for slightly higher bandwidth than what you currently need to allow room for future expansion.

Choosing a web hosting company that offers ample bandwidth ensures optimal performance and seamless user experience on your website. So make sure to carefully evaluate this aspect before making a decision!

Compatibility

Compatibility is a crucial factor to consider when choosing a web hosting company in India. It refers to how well the hosting service aligns with your specific needs and requirements. One of the key aspects of compatibility is the operating system that your website runs on.

Most hosting providers offer both Windows and Linux-based servers, so it’s important to choose one that supports your preferred operating system. This ensures smooth functioning and optimal performance for your website.

Another aspect of compatibility to consider is the programming languages and scripts supported by the hosting provider. Whether you’re using PHP, Python, or Ruby on Rails, make sure that the host offers support for these languages.

Additionally, check if the host provides compatibility with popular content management systems like WordPress or Joomla. These platforms are widely used for building websites, so it’s essential to ensure seamless integration.

Furthermore, consider whether the hosting company offers easy scalability options. As your website grows, you may need additional resources such as more storage space or increased bandwidth. Ensure that your chosen host can accommodate these future needs.

Don’t forget about database compatibility. If you’re using databases like MySQL or PostgreSQL for storing and managing data on your website, ensure that they are compatible with your chosen hosting provider.

By considering these factors of compatibility when selecting a web hosting company in India, you can ensure a smooth and efficient online presence without any hiccups!

Reliability

When it comes to choosing a web hosting company, reliability is one of the key factors to consider. After all, you want your website to be accessible and available to your visitors at all times. So, what exactly does reliability mean in the context of web hosting?

Reliability refers to how consistent and dependable a hosting provider’s services are. It encompasses factors such as server uptime, network stability, and overall performance. A reliable hosting company will ensure that your website is up and running smoothly without any major disruptions.

One way to gauge a hosting provider’s reliability is by looking at their uptime guarantee. This indicates the percentage of time during which their servers are operational and your site will be accessible. Ideally, you should look for a minimum uptime guarantee of 99%, if not higher.

Additionally, customer reviews and testimonials can provide insights into a host’s reliability. Positive feedback from other users who have experienced minimal downtime or technical issues can give you confidence in their service.

Moreover, it’s important for the hosting company to have robust infrastructure with redundant systems in place. This ensures that even if there is an unexpected hardware failure or network issue, your website will still remain online.

Choosing a reliable web host means having peace of mind knowing that your website will be consistently available for your audience. So make sure to thoroughly research the reputation and track record of different providers before making your final decision

Security

One crucial factor to consider when choosing a web hosting company is security. Your website contains valuable data and sensitive information, so it’s essential to ensure that it is well-protected from cyber threats.

A reliable hosting provider will offer robust security measures such as firewalls, antivirus software, and regular backups to safeguard your website. They should also have secure data centres with advanced monitoring systems in place.

Additionally, look for hosts that provide SSL certificates for encrypting data transmission between your site and visitors’ browsers. This helps protect against unauthorised access or interception of sensitive information like credit card details.

Another aspect of security to consider is the host’s vulnerability management practices. Are they proactive in patching software vulnerabilities and staying up-to-date with the latest security patches? Regular updates are critical in preventing hackers from exploiting known weaknesses.

Check if the hosting provider offers DDoS protection. Distributed Denial of Service attacks can overload your server and make your website inaccessible. Having DDoS mitigation tools in place can help mitigate these attacks effectively.

Prioritise a web hosting service that prioritises security through measures such as firewalls, SSL certificates, vulnerability management practices, and DDoS protection. Protecting your website and its users should be a top priority for any reputable hosting provider!

When it comes to choosing a web hosting package, understanding the different options available is crucial. Each type of hosting package has its own implications and caters to different website needs. Let’s take a closer look at the three most common types: shared hosting, Top Hosting Site In India VPS hosting, and dedicated server hosting.

Shared Hosting:

This is the most cost-effective option for beginners or small businesses. With shared hosting, you share server resources with other websites on the same server. While this can lead to slower performance during peak times, it offers an affordable solution for those with limited budgets.

VPS Hosting:

Virtual Private Server (VPS) provides a balance between affordability and control. It mimics a dedicated server environment within a shared infrastructure but offers dedicated resources for your website. This means better speed and reliability compared to shared hosting.

Dedicated Server Hosting:

For high-traffic websites or businesses requiring maximum performance and security, dedicated server hosting is ideal. You get complete control over an entire physical server without sharing resources with others. This ensures optimal speed and stability but comes at a higher price point.

Understanding these different hosting packages is essential in making an informed decision that aligns with your website requirements and budget constraints.

Shared

Shared hosting is one of the most popular options for website owners, especially those who are just starting out or have smaller websites. With shared hosting, multiple websites share a single server and its resources. This means that the cost is typically lower than other hosting options since the expenses are divided among many users.

One advantage of shared hosting is that it requires little technical knowledge to set up and manage. The hosting provider takes care of server maintenance and security, allowing you to focus on building your website. Additionally, shared hosting often comes with user-friendly control panels that make it easy to install applications like WordPress or Joomla.

However, there are some downsides to consider. Since you’re sharing resources with other websites, performance can be affected if one site experiences high traffic or uses too many resources. Your website’s speed and uptime may depend on how well the other sites on your server are managed.

Despite these limitations, shared hosting can be an excellent choice for small businesses or personal websites with low-to-moderate traffic levels. It offers affordability and convenience without requiring extensive technical expertise. If you expect rapid growth in your website’s popularity or need more control over server resources, it may be worth considering upgrading to a VPS or dedicated hosting plan in the future

VPS

VPS, or Virtual Private Server, is a hosting package that offers more control and resources compared to shared hosting. With VPS, you get your own virtual space on a server that is partitioned into multiple virtual servers.

One of the biggest advantages of VPS hosting is its scalability. As your website grows and demands more resources, you can easily upgrade your plan to accommodate the increased traffic. This flexibility ensures that your site remains fast and responsive at all times.

Another key benefit of VPS hosting is enhanced security. Since each virtual server operates independently from others on the same physical machine, any issues or vulnerabilities in one account will not affect others. This isolation provides an added layer of protection for your website and data.

In addition to greater control and security,Top 10 Hosting Site In India VPS hosting also allows for customization. You have the freedom to install software applications and configure settings according to your specific requirements.

While VPS may be slightly pricier than shared hosting, it offers a cost-effective solution for businesses or individuals who require more power and reliability without breaking the bank.

If you are looking for a robust hosting option with dedicated resources and improved performance, VPS could be the ideal choice for you!

Dedicated

When it comes to hosting your website, one option you might consider is a dedicated hosting service. This type of hosting provides you with a server that is solely dedicated to your website and its needs.

A dedicated server offers several advantages over other types of hosting. First and foremost, it gives you complete control over your server environment. You have the flexibility to customise the hardware, software, and security settings according to your specific requirements.

A dedicated server ensures high performance and reliability for your website. Since you are not sharing resources with any other websites, there is no risk of slowdowns or downtime caused by traffic spikes or resource-intensive applications running on neighbouring sites.

Additionally, dedicated hosting provides enhanced security measures. With full control over your server’s security settings, you can implement robust measures like firewalls and encryption protocols to protect sensitive data.

One important consideration when opting for a dedicated hosting service is cost. Dedicated servers tend to be more expensive than shared or VPS hosting plans because they offer exclusive use of resources.

However, if your website receives significant traffic volume or requires advanced functionality such as e-commerce capabilities or complex databases, the investment in a dedicated server may be worthwhile.

In conclusion,”Dedicated” web hosting offers unparalleled control, performance,and security for websites that require exclusive access to resources. While it may come at a higher price point compared to other options,it can deliver exceptional value for businesses that demand optimal performance and customization options

WordPress

WordPress is one of the most popular content management systems (CMS) in the world, and for good reason. It offers a user-friendly interface, powerful features, and a vast library of themes and plugins that allow you to customise your website to your heart’s desire.

With WordPress hosting, you can optimise your site specifically for this CMS. This means faster loading times, improved security measures, and seamless updates. Many web hosting companies offer specialised WordPress hosting packages that take care of all the technical aspects for you.

When choosing a WordPress hosting provider in India, it’s important to consider factors like reliability and customer support. Look for hosts that have a strong track record of uptime and fast server response times.

Additionally, make sure the host offers automatic backups and regular updates to keep your site secure. Some top-notch options include Bluehost, HostGator, and SiteGround.

In Conclusion:

If you’re planning on using WordPress as your CMS platform in India, opting for specialised WordPress hosting can greatly enhance your website’s performance and security. Take the time to research different providers before making a decision!

Highlights Of The Highest Quality Accommodations

When it comes to choosing a web hosting service in India, you want nothing but the best. After all, your website’s performance and reliability depend on it. So, let’s take a look at some of the highlights offered by the top hosting sites in India:

1. GoDaddy: With its user-friendly interface and excellent customer support, GoDaddy is a popular choice among Indian website owners. They offer a range of hosting plans to suit different needs.

2. Bluehost: Known for its reliable uptime and fast loading speeds, Bluehost is another top contender in the Indian market. Their robust infrastructure ensures that your website remains accessible at all times.

3. Hostinger: Offering affordable prices without compromising on quality, Hostinger is an excellent option for those on a budget. They provide features like SSD storage and free SSL certificates.

4. Chemicloud: If security is your priority, Chemicloud has got you covered with their advanced security measures and regular backups.

5.HostGator: With its unlimited bandwidth and intuitive control panel, HostGator makes managing your website easy and hassle-free.

6.Namecheap: As the name suggests, Namecheap offers competitive pricing along with great features like free domain registration and SSL certificates.

7.HostPapa: Sustainability-conscious individuals will appreciate HostPapa’s commitment to green energy practices while providing efficient hosting services.

8.Ono Hosting: Ono Hosting stands out with their 24/7 technical support team always ready to assist customers whenever they need help or have any inquiries

9.Scala Hosting : Scala Hosting provides high-performance servers that ensure fast load times so visitors can access your site quickly

These are just some of the top players in the Indian web hosting industry offering unmatched services tailored to meet various requirements.

Approximately How Much Does A Web Hosting Service Cost?

When it comes to the cost of web hosting services in India, there is a wide range of options available to suit different budgets and needs. The cost can vary depending on factors such as the type of hosting package you choose, the features included, and the level of customer support provided.

Shared hosting is usually the most affordable option, with prices ranging from around ₹100 to ₹500 per month. This type of hosting involves sharing server resources with other websites, which makes it a cost-effective solution for small businesses or personal websites that don’t require high traffic or extensive customization.

VPS hosting offers more flexibility and better performance than shared hosting but comes at a slightly higher price. Prices typically start at around ₹500 per month and can go up to ₹2000 or more depending on the resources allocated to your website.

Dedicated servers are the most expensive option, starting at around ₹4000 per month. With dedicated hosting, you have full control over your server resources and enjoy maximum performance and security.

WordPress-specific hosting plans are also available at varying costs. These plans are optimised for WordPress websites and often include additional features like automatic updates and enhanced security measures.

Remember that while cost is an important factor when choosing a web host, it shouldn’t be the sole determining factor. Make sure to consider other aspects like reliability, security, scalability, and customer support when making your final decision.

How Can I Get More Information About Hosting Services?

When it comes to choosing a web hosting service, gathering as much information as possible is crucial. So how can you go about getting the details you need to make an informed decision? Here are some ways to gather more information about hosting services.

You can visit the websites of different hosting providers. They usually provide detailed information about their packages, pricing, features, and customer reviews. Take your time exploring these websites to get a better understanding of what each company offers.

Another way to learn more is by reading online reviews and forums. Look for unbiased opinions from people who have used the hosting services you’re considering. These reviews can give you insights into the pros and cons of each provider and help narrow down your options.

Additionally, reach out to friends or colleagues who have experience with website hosting. They might be able to offer recommendations or share their personal experiences with specific companies.

Furthermore, consider reaching out directly to the hosting companies themselves. Most providers have customer support teams that are available via phone, email or live chat. Don’t hesitate to ask them any questions or concerns you may have regarding their services.

Attending webinars or industry events related to web hosting can also be helpful in gaining knowledge about different providers and their offerings.

Remember that knowledge is power when it comes to selecting a suitable web host for your website’s needs!

Find Out About The Hosting Provider’s Customer Support And Assistance Service

When choosing a web hosting provider, it’s essential to consider the level of customer support and assistance they offer. This aspect can make a significant difference in your overall hosting experience.

A reliable hosting company will have a dedicated team available 24/7 to address any technical issues or concerns you may have. They should offer multiple channels of communication, such as live chat, email, and phone support. This ensures that you can reach out for help whenever you need it.

Additionally, look for providers that offer comprehensive self-help resources like knowledge base articles and tutorials. These resources can be incredibly valuable when you want to troubleshoot minor issues on your own or learn more about managing your website.

Furthermore, consider reading reviews or testimonials from other customers regarding the quality of the hosting provider’s customer support service. Positive feedback indicates prompt response times and helpful solutions.

Choosing a web hosting provider with excellent customer support is crucial for ensuring that any problems or questions you encounter along the way are addressed promptly and effectively

What additional benefits does a web hosting service offer?

When it comes to web hosting services, there are several additional benefits that you should consider. These perks can greatly enhance your online presence and ensure a seamless user experience for your website visitors.

Many hosting providers offer robust security features as part of their service package. This means that your website will be protected from potential cyber threats such as malware or hacking attempts. With regular security updates and monitoring, you can have peace of mind knowing that your data is safe and secure.

Another benefit is the availability of customer support and assistance. A reliable hosting provider will offer 24/7 technical support to help you troubleshoot any issues or concerns you may encounter along the way. Whether it’s through live chat, email, or phone support, having a dedicated team to assist you can make all the difference in maintaining a smoothly running website.

Additionally, some web hosts provide automatic backups of your website files and databases. In the event of any unforeseen circumstances like hardware failure or accidental deletion, these backups serve as a safety net to restore your site quickly without losing valuable data.

Furthermore, many hosting companies offer easy integration with popular content management systems (CMS) like WordPress or Joomla. This makes it effortless for users to build and manage their websites using these intuitive platforms without any coding knowledge required.

Lastly but not least important are the performance optimization tools offered by some hosting providers. These tools include content delivery networks (CDN), caching options, and server-side optimizations that can significantly improve page load times and overall website performance – crucial factors affecting user experience and search engine rankings.

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high-themme · 2 years

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Clip Clop Bitch. I'm on my Dry January High Horse.

Can I even write this?

I’ve tried before, to write witty-yet-moving-oh-so-poignant posts that are (shudder)... vulnerable.

I mean simple as this, I want to write about my real life. But unlike the Asexual Sex Worker moment, I can’t afford a pedestal here.

I’m in the last hour of dry January, day one.

And no, I’m not feigning for anything, I haven’t broken out into a cold sweat nor am I smoking two week old ends that are 99% roach.

No, I’m not having withdrawals.

I just feel ashamed.

And that’s what it is for me, really. More than whatever a particular substance might do for me. Because honestly, I don’t particularly like the feeling of my heart jumping out of my chest, I get overwhelmed easily enough as it is. I do enjoy dancing in a circle when I’m ketty and you better believe and I can fuck up a combination drug BUT simply enough, I do drugs because they blunt the shame.

And so… it’s less of a case of ‘How Will I Go Month Without Using?’ and more ‘How Will I Go A Month Feeling Like This?’

Last 45 minutes of dry January, day one.

The sweet thing about addiction is the way it snuck up on me, like a cheeky friend pouncing on you for an expensive surprise hug. I genuinely felt like the most adorable BIMBO when I realized how much, how frequently and at what cost I was using. On the 21st of November I text my friend “taking a drug break lmao” followed by “like I keep doing coke when I buy ket” “so I’m inadvertently doing mad coke” “what’s funny is that I really had no clue” “really and truly” “I was just gonna carry on”. And it’s all punctuated by crying-laughing emojis and a “those white folks are dangerous” for good measure.

I don’t necessarily feel that there is a lot wrong with that. There’s guilt, but I’m not entirely sure where the guilt is located, something along the lines of knowing that this is a systemic issue. That ultimately we’re all racking up lines at a cost to someone, probably someone other than ourselves. I’m not here to criminalise using. But when you think about using with regards to race, class and privilege, who’s championing harm reduction and who’s labeled a crackhead is a fucking fine white line.

Last half an hour of dry January, day one.

So what is this for? I don’t really have any sensational stories about what I did and how it made me feel. I’ve never been in what felt like immediate danger. But I have been stung. That said, it wasn’t necessarily the drugs in those cases, it was other people. And in writing that, I realise that drugs have been, as much as I hate to say it, an obvious weak point for people to have spotted. At one point, it was my curiosity, lack of experience and impulsive habits that led me to place trust in using with people who had an agenda. I thought we were healing, turns out we were scamming. What a creative way to POOF my mental health and close relationships into a seemingly never ending sink hole as large as the city of Berlin. The big clubs, the lakes, the parks, the large apartments and all their ghosts slithering back into the very swap that it was built upon.

Last fifteen minutes of dry January, day one.

And on the flipside of that, it was later my over-assuredness in using and short-lived microdosing fling that was weaponized. In a spooky character arc with a shall-not-be-named frenemy, the drugs we were doing together became the subject of my sole public degradation when we were evicted from a hell hole of a flat share by former tenants, a landlord and an inherently cruel letting agent conspiring to have a queer household dissolved. Said letting agent, after a period of threats, deceit and harassment, entered our home without consent, found less than a gram of a class b powder, then proceeded to humiliate us, laughing down the phone, changing the locks and subjecting us to a three hour gap in which we were to pack up our lives and vacate. He had the courtesy to return our deposits, eventually, which were then the subject of a violent scramble of 20 somethings deeply lacking in self esteem and moral compass. How quickly a feminist can become police. How fast an ally to silence consent.

Last five minutes of dry January, day one.

Is this still about dry January, or have I taken a deeply pessimistic turn into “hell is other people”?

Maybe I have lost sight of the point I was trying to make. Maybe this is my purging.

Shame, the angle of my arm, trapped under my body, blacked out on the couch. Shame, crying and hacking into a bin bag, hands trembling as I light a cigarette, the windows are closed and this is all I can do to keep from throwing up. Shame, my heart keeps on breaking and this is how to smoothe over the cracks. Shame, I am too generous, I am too needy, I am too much. I am too trusting, I am too mothering, I am deserving of this because.

Because because because because.

Ten minutes into dry January, day two.

I have a text from my friend that says “Well I can’t say I’m not hurt by this decision” - it’s her birthday soon and I’m taking the high horse by skipping the horse meds - followed by “But ultimately I am deeply proud of you” “You are taking care of your body which you have been saying you want to do as a performer and I’m proud of that x”.

I can write this.

#clip clop #tw drugs #addiction #ketamine #high themme #personal essay #spiralling #queer writing #dry january #sober #this is the rhythm of the night #gay heartbreak #queer housing

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careersway · 2 years

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What makes Delhi University so elusive – specialties, culture and why it is so sought after?

The admission season is upon us, and the hustle bustle of the process is already underway. For many of us, attending Delhi University has been a dream that we have been dreaming ever since we were kids.The idea of DU is not just getting the best education, but also the idea of freedom, the thrill of college life, meeting new people, and experiencing life on our own terms. Well, that’s what we built up in our heads at least, didn’t we?

Delhi University has a desirable brand value, it offers well-designed courses and overall grooming. It may be the glamour of being the alma mater of many famous personalities that adds to its value, or maybe just the fact that it is the heart and soul of our capital. Apart from these things, why are we so drawn to Delhi University? What makes it the experience of our lives? Why not a private university or any other university for that matter? Some famous people must have been to other universities, too. What makes DU so elusive, and yet so limpid?

Toppers All The Way

For School toppers, it is a no-brainer. They want a tier-one college, and an Honors Course as well. For those with average scores (90% is so common, these days), settling for a course at a lesser cut-off is quite common. The cut-offs range from 85 to 99, so only half of who dream, make it. The association of DU with the best minds is what makes it such a great experience. Getting into DU is almost a benchmark for intelligence, or so it seems!

Courses, Courses Everywhere

DU colleges have courses ranging over a number of domains. Applied courses have, especially, been developed to probe students to apply their knowledge than just sit around cramming. Courses inBotany,Zoology,Psychology, Business studies, Vocational Studies, Languages and Economics are aimed to provide an in-depth knowledge of the subjects.

Such a Big World

DU’s central location is what keeps it alive and busy. Delhi University, with its sprawling north campus has nine colleges, and it is located around the Faculty of Arts Extension, which is a hub for political and social activities. The large and lush campus is every student’s dream come true; from the book shops to jewellery vendors, from momos to cozy cafes, DU’s North Campus has it all. Students of every ethnicity walk around, and you are a part of much bigger culture at DU. It doesn’t matter what part of the country you come from; here, you are a part of something bigger. In every nook and corner, students are seen discussing every possible topic, from world news to sports to the latest gadgets. In the plethora of activities, you become a better person, a socially-mature individual, an adult with your own quirks and individuality.

On the other hand, the South Campus is a bit different, quieter, more peaceful, but still a beautiful place where the best minds of the country can enjoy some solitude in the hilly, green campus.

Great Teachers

With so much to look forward to, a person can almost be forgiven to forget the most important part, the faculty, which makes DU what is it famous for. World class scholars, researchers and eminent people in their respective fields constitute Delhi University’s faculty. And the placement season sees top companies recruiting the brilliant students who make it to DU amidst cut-throat competition (99.9%, anyone?).

The best college festivals

Delhi University is known for organizing the best fests in the country. Antardhwani, the cultural fest organized every year gives students opportunities to display their talent, be it performing arts, debating, elocution or anything else. Name it and we got it. SRCC, Kamla Nehru and Hindu college among countless others are known for their fests.

And, so let’s brace ourselves for the roller coaster that has begun because it’s time to leave the pond, and take a swim in the ocean.

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lil-tachyon · 2 years

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Car dependency does suck. What's your thoughts on rail systems?

I think there should be a hell of a lot more of them and they should be better-funded, that’s for sure.

I’m fortunate enough to live near a station with regular service and I take advantage of it when I can but therein lies the problem-unless I’m going into NYC (something I rarely have a need to do) it almost never makes sense for me to take it. And while I personally believe there are good reasons to take transit over a personal vehicle whenever possible, it’s pretty hard to sell most of my friends on spending more money and more time on a train when a car trip would be quicker and cheaper.

You see this US High Speed Rail meme map get tossed around a lot and while it’s fun to imagine (why yes, I do think it would be dope if I could hop on an Amtrak train and be in Cleveland in 3 hours), is it really what we need? I’d be overjoyed just to have access to a well-developed regional rail system where I could show up at a station with no planning, wait 5 minutes, and take a cheap trip a few towns over to go to work or to visit friends and family. I look at a 99-year-old railroad map of my delightful home state and think, “What the hell happened? Where did this all go?” A century later and it feels like our infrastructure has completely regressed.

To be totally honest though, I’m not so much a rail/transit nerd as I am just continually frustrated by how the US has gone beyond car-dependency and arrived at complete car-centrality. My experience growing up in New Jersey is that it is almost impossible for you to walk so much as one town over or even more than a couple miles in any direction without running a non-negligible risk of being mowed down by traffic. Strictly speaking, I guess you could take the D&R canal towpath from Princeton to New Brunswick but it’s pretty clearly only intended to be used for recreation and not as a serious piece of infrastructure.

These days I live in a beautiful (in my opinion), walkable (by US standards), town with multiple transit connections but it’s still completely dominated by the automobile. There’s a hard border of multi-lane highways on three sides and on the fourth a gradual shift to post-war single-family housing developments, then strip malls, big box stores, and parking lots. The sidewalks come to an end precisely at the town border. I live at a corner lot on a busy intersection- since the beginning of 2022 I’ve witnessed three car crashes right outside my front door. My next-door neighbor is an elderly woman who, upon my first meeting her, spoke unprompted about what a shame it is since they paved the road back in the day and how it’s never been quiet since. I need only to step outside to be assaulted by the noise she’s talking about- accompanied by the smell of exhaust. And keep in mind this is still a place that I love and consider a huge step up from most other American towns I’ve been to. But this is all I’ve ever known whereas my neighbor is just old enough to have seen every street turned into a strip of heat-absorbing asphalt, rigidly separating houses, businesses, people. Rivers of tar, non-places where you can cross furtively but never ever stand still.

I’m not writing this all out to be a downer or to complain. I want to talk about this because for the longest time I didn’t have an understanding of why this upset me. I grew up in the ‘burbs and knew nothing else so how could I put into words what I found so unsettling about this? I thought it was just the way things are.

It doesn’t have to be like this. I think it’s important to keep in mind that all this has occurred over the last century and really only after World War II. The hopelessly car-centric environment, hostile to people, nature, and common sense, that has been built up around us is a historical aberration that’s only been around for about as long as our grandparents. It doesn’t need to be like this and historically it hasn’t been. I think it’s important that people know that things can be better than 100 million miles of stroads.

Pictured above- Amsterdam's transition from walkable to car-centric and back again over the last century or so. Wanted to end this on a positive note.

#fuck cars #urbanism #car dependence #americaposting #send more asks about things upon which im definitely not qualified to ruminate

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sluttyminghao · 3 years

Text

Part 1/?

✧ pairing: wen junhui x gender neutral!reader ✧ word count: 2k ✧ genre: smut ✧ warnings in this chapter: camboy!jun, masturbation, masturbating on camera, camboy!minghao makes an appearance ✧notes for this chapter: reader only makes an appearance at the end of the installment, i hope it makes sense as you read it! ✧ a/n: you asked, and i delivered! this is the first installment of going live! a series about camboy jun and his adventures! i hope you all enjoy, and if you would like to be added to a taglist pls inbox me! feedback is appreciated! ✧ synopsis: he’s a shy college boy who is stuck in financial difficulty, and his best friends gives him a suggestion that may or may not be a good idea.

A slight glance at the clock on his nightstand indicated that it was 10:49 pm, and he knew that within a matter of minutes he’d be doing the exact thing he said he would never do. His palms had grown sweaty and he felt his heart rate quicken at the thought, and all he could think to do was wipe his palms on his sweats. He remembers the conversation he had about his thoughts with Minghao vividly, even though it had happened months before his current situation.

“I just don’t see how you can do it, how do you not get embarrassed? Aren’t you being watched by...god knows how many people?” Junhui spoke between mouthfuls of ramen, immense heat rising in his cheeks at the nature of the conversation that had come up when talking about Junhui’s increasing level of financial difficulties. Minghao raised a brow at the older, before erupting into a fit of giggles and making Junhui cock one of his brows in confusion. Did he say something funny?

“Why would I be embarrassed about my livelihood?” Minghao began, wrapping some noodles around his chopsticks expertly and blowing them lightly to cool them down. “I make so much profit off of doing camming and making videos, that I’ve been able to pay my rent and amenities for the next six months, as well as keeping on top of all my art school debts,” he continued, an amused smirk finding its way onto his face at Junhui’s shocked facial features.

“Six months? That’s crazy... I’m basically living paycheck to paycheck at the minute,” he mumbled and let out a small sigh, picking at the small pieces of meat left within his ramen bowl with his chopsticks. “Well, that’s kinda what you get for working at a small and dingy diner run by a bunch of college students,” Minghao quipped while giving him a pointed look, letting his napkin fall to the table to signify he had finished his meal.

Junhui sighed. He knew Minghao was right, 99% of the time he generally was, but this was one thing he really didn’t want to admit to him. “But...would people recognise me? That’s one thing I really don’t want,” Junhui spoke shyly, and Minghao’s face softened towards his elder, before shaking his head slightly. “You can use blurring filters or wear items on your face so people won’t recognise you, that’s what I do, and no one knows who I am to this day.”

He thought a little more about it, and Minghao could practically see the cogs turning in his brain, deciding to offer a piece of advice to his struggling long-time friend. “Hey,” he spoke, gaining Junhui’s attention, “you should really think about it, especially if you need the money. With a face and a body like yours, I’m sure you’ll have thousands of subscribers in no time.”

Well, what did he have to lose? He sure didn’t have any shreds of dignity left, may as well give it a shot.

In all his years of living, he had been very well off financially, but in recent months his rent had become increasingly more expensive and the cost of living had jumped up exponentially. To his dismay, he found himself without a choice, needing the money as soon as possible so he would still have a roof over his head and the bare minimum of food.

He had been staring at the webpage for the camming website for the past 45 minutes, trying to hype himself up, but he had just become increasingly nervous as the time had passed. Minghao had explained to him countless times that this website was very reputable and a great starting point for beginners going into camming, and he knew that he could trust the words of his younger friend.

But even still, the nerves would not stop pouring over him, almost acting like a cascading effect, flowing down his back like a waterfall and seeping into every crevice of his body.

He sucked in a breath before exhaling shakily and picking up his phone to call Minghao. He knew that if anyone was able to calm his nerves, it would be his long-time friend. He tapped on Minghao’s contact before placing the phone to his ear, listening to the phone ring a few times before he was met with Minghao’s groggy voice.

“Were you sleeping?” Junhui’s voice is quiet as he speaks into the receiver, awaiting his companion’s response even though he was almost sure he knew the answer already. “No, I was out feeding the ducks, of course, I was sleeping,” Minghao sighed sarcastically, and Junhui suddenly felt a pang of guilt for the late-night call to his friend. “What did you need, ‘Hui?” Minghao continued, sleep laced in his voice.

“I’m sorry for waking you up...I’m so nervous...I don’t even know how to start the camming videos…do you have any...pointers, maybe...” Junhui trailed off, and he could hear Minghao hum from the other end of the phone. He remained silent for a few beats, only further amplifying Junhui’s nerves to the point where his leg had begun to bounce incessantly.

“I think you just need to relax a little, maybe have a drink or two to settle your nerves,” he replied smoothly, wanting to end the conversation so that he could get back to sleep. “If you’re really worried, why don’t you just show everything from the neck down when you’re recording?” He continued, waiting for his older friend’s reply.

Junhui was contemplating the options laid out to him and decided to combine both, deciding he didn’t have anything to lose. “Thanks, Hao, I owe you,” he rushed, hanging up and throwing his phone on his desk and standing up to get himself a bottle of alcohol. He assured himself that he was only going to have a few sips to loosen himself up, but he figured that he may need to down the whole bottle by the night’s end.

A few swigs of his precious alcohol later, and he had finally built up the courage to remove his shirt but left his sweats on as a safety measure. Minghao was right, the alcohol definitely loosened him up, and before he had even realised what he was doing, he had pressed the record button and had started his live stream.

He didn’t know what he was doing, not a single clue. His mind was fuzzy and his last shreds of dignity left him the moment his pants were pulled down and thrown haphazardly to the side. The only thought that was now running rampant through his mind was how much he wanted to cum. He wasn’t even focused on the live video anymore, only focused on his hardening cock and the way his hand wrapped around it.

Normally when he got himself off, he would take his time and relish in the sensations, not wanting to rush. In his nervous and alcohol-fueled state, however, he wasn’t going to beat around the bush like he would if he was sober. His hand moved up and down the length of his cock rapidly, small whimpers eliciting from the man’s lips as he pleasured himself.

Junhui could feel himself getting closer and closer to the edge the faster he pumped his cock, but he knew he didn’t want to cum just yet. He slowed his hand significantly to a steady pace, almost feather-like touches, and moved his free hand up to flick at his nipple, sighing at the sensation.

Not that he would ever admit to anyone, but his nipples had always been extra sensitive and even just the slightest feather touch would have him reeling and wanting more.

The whines poured endlessly from his mouth, even as he built up his orgasm for a second time. He kept one hand on his cock, pumping up and down swiftly and gaining speed, while the other pinched at his nipples. It was getting harder for him to hold himself back, and he knew he wouldn’t last much longer in the position he was in.

Before he could even think about stopping himself from cumming again, he felt the string snap in his abdomen and felt the hot streaks of white land on his stomach. He gasped at the feeling and let his hand continue to move steadily, letting the white streaks hit his chest. His head had grown fuzzy from the sheer intensity of his orgasm, and he could feel his hips lightly bucking up into his still closed fist.

When he was sure his orgasm had ebbed away, he removed his hand from his softening cock and sighed, leaning back in his computer chair. After a moment of stillness, his eyes widened upon seeing the small red recording dot on his computer, reminding him of the act he had just performed.

He clicked the stop button hurriedly and closed all his tabs before slamming the lid of his laptop shut. He couldn’t believe what he had just done; his mind was whirring with a thousand and one thoughts, his heart was about to leap right out of his chest, and he knew that there was no going back from the acts he had just performed.

He pushed himself out of the chair and headed towards his bathroom, showering in an attempt to get the cum off his body and somehow trying to scrub off the gross feeling he had from his lewd behaviour. It wouldn’t come off that easily, however, so all he could do was face the consequences of his actions and own them as Minghao told him to.

After a hot shower and a whole lot of contemplation later, Junhui knew that he would have to use his laptop again and see the damage that he had caused, so he decided to simply bite the bullet and take a look back at his video and see if anyone had commented or liked it. It didn’t seem likely in his opinion, since it was his first video and he had no subscribers, but there was a small glimmer of hope buried deep within him.

His eyes widened at the results in front of him. He truly could not believe the sight he saw when he clicked back on to his video to check for feedback.

200 new subscribers, 800 stars and 27 comments

He blinked rapidly, thinking it was all a hallucination. How could this be? He only sat in front of his computer for roughly 10 minutes jacking himself off and had garnered a huge response to it. He clicked the refresh button, thinking that it was simply a mistake on the website’s part. Surely he, a newbie to camming, did not just rack up over a thousand notifications from a ten-minute video.

When the page refreshed he saw the same notifications, except for one new comment that had caught his attention. He figured it wouldn’t hurt to look at just one comment and then head to bed, so he let his mouse hover over the little star-shaped notification icon and pressed on it. His eyes moved across the screen quickly, and he couldn’t help but feel the heat rise to his cheeks at the comment he had seen.

angelbaby96: you’ve got such a nice cock, and such pretty noises too. I would love to hear more of them sometime <3

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ryansjane · 3 years

Note

R.i.p to your inbox and notifications!!

But since you are already on dangerous territory….. release all your unpopular Thai drama/bl/actor opinions! People don’t have to agree (ex: I don’t agree with you on BB, but I do agree with you on Bright.) You’re leaving your country soon anyway, so going into hiding won’t be a problem 😭

LMAO so far I haven't received any hate so that's good I guess :') and going into hiding cdfhighguydhsxuisjcço, stop 😭😂😂 let's go I guess, though I've already said most of these at one point or another.

my unpopular bl opinions: (if you disagree or are offended, that’s kind of the whole point so don’t hate me lol)

until we meet again is not the masterpiece people think it is. the acting & chemistry were good, the story had a lot of potential, but the execution dragged on way too long & made the overall show feel exhausting to get through & repetitive.

tharntype makes me sick to my stomach.

bad buddy is not a bad show but it's again, really not a good show. people get blinded by how great the acting & chemistry were but the writing was actually the worst from a p'aof show & that's bc he wasn't even a screenwriter.

all of the biggest thai bl shows that blow up... don't really deserve it, whoops.

pickrome from puppy honey are really not great lol & the people who love them are mostly offgun fans who came after theory of love so are biased bc they already loved offgun.

crossing the line is FAR better in execution than trapped, but trapped actually profited off of ctl's popularity to gain an even bigger name, and it does have a much more original plot. still love both shows though lol, but ctl is definitely better.

hello stranger is better than gameboys even though I love both shows. AND the movie was better than the gameboys' one too lol.

my engineer isn't that good of a show & is very basic, and I still ask myself how it managed to get so popular.

we best love is just an okay show.

fish upon the sky isn't that bad of a show, and I actually get surprised when I see how many people dislike it.

lovely writer is really not that great of a show & doesn't really deserve the hype.

paint with love got hated on way too much just bc it was built up more like a lakorn than a usual bl series. it's not the best show ever but it didn't deserve all the hate it got.

sotus s really wasn't that bad of a sequel considering how much thai drama sequels usually suck lmao.

I genuinely cannot bring myself to care about 99% of irl bl ships bc they all look so fake & manufactured to me, which they are.

xxx

#answers #bl unpopular opinions #you asked for this lol #there's also some meaner ones that I'll take to my grave lmao

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top10legend · 8 months

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