#and another friend kept sleeping and wanted to throw up from eating food

[silentgravesdontexist]

Stayed all night until 4AM eating and drinking with friends while sharing lore with each other.

[nightmare-niko]

Just The Two Of Us, 깊어져가는 Moonstruck [Jake Sim x fem!reader]

Just the two of us. 깊어져 가는 moonstruck. Oh, you make me go crazy over you, you, baby. Let me hold you close. 떠오른 달 그 위로. 이 밤을 날아 crazy over you, you, baby

Warnings: friends to lovers, I wanted to be pretty long and super cute. So of course I'm gunna write insp by my favorite song on my favorite album favorite band!!!

Copying or translating my writing is not allowed. If you see my work on another site it is stolen. Reblogs are appreciated and encouraged.

Word count: 1.7k

A/n: completely oblivious dummies, tooth rottingly sweet, self-indulgent, I need Jake so bad

You turned over in your bed— Exhausted after a grueling all-nighter with your best friend Jake. The sunlight peaking through your blinds is harsh on your tired eyes.

What time was it? How long have you been sleeping? Where was your phone?

Blindly, you pat around on your mattress in search of your phone. Instead of your soft mattress and plush blanket, your hand collides with something.

You jolt up in your bed, "what the hell Jake?” you whisper. " how did you get in my bed?!”

The boy groans, "You know I can't sleep alone Y/nie~”

You laugh, "That is so not true-- you sleep alone in your dorm.”

"Not my fault you don't like sleeping over my place.” he doesn't open his eyes, rolling from his back to his side.

"Why would we hang out there when I live alone?”

"I basically live here,” He mumbles.

"Yeah… for free,” you deadpan.

He sighs, "Yeah but you love me.”

You poke your finger into Jake's side, "You eat all my food and hog my bed.”

"You have the best snacks,” he shrugs, finally opening his eyes to look at you. "What time is it?”

"I have no clue… I think you're lying on my phone… “

Jake shuffles around in place, fishing your cell phone from under his Torso. He examines the screen, rubbing his eye With his free hand. "Shit it's 12:30, we should- Like- get up and start our day.”

Your eyebrows furrow, "it's winter break— what are we gonna do?”

Jake pauses, thinking way too hard about the question. "We could like… Go to mine and play video games...?”

"We always play video games…“ you pout, laying back down in your bed, facing Jake.

"Then what do you wanna do, baby?” he tucks a strand of your hair behind your ear.

Shamelessly— you lean into his touch, the warmth of his hand brings goosebumps to your skin, "I don't know, what haven't we done in a while?”

"Wanna go to the arcade?”

Your face lights up at the suggestion, "You gonna win me something?”

"You know I am, baby.”

~

Jake didn't bother going back to the dorms to get ready for your 'date’. Like he said, he basically lived with you. Which meant he kept half of his wardrobe at your place. You made sure to dress in your cutest winter clothes. Totally not because you wanted to look good for your best friend for which you have absolutely no romantic feelings at all. You told yourself that you just wanted to ensure your fashionable best friend didn't out-dress you— But who were you kidding? Everyone knows that you're bullshitting with that excuse.

Of course, you had a massive crush on your best friend. But you didn't exactly know if Jake felt the way you felt. Sure he flirted with you like crazy— and you always flirted back. He calls you baby for crying out loud! It wasn't normal for just friends in any way shape or form. But it was your normal.

You couldn't remember the last time you went to an arcade, but you definitely remember that it was with Jake. You two went everywhere together! That's just how best friends work.

~

You arrive at the mostly empty arcade, a lot of the students that went to your university went home for winter break. That meant that the popular spots were usually nice and empty for the two of you.

Jake throws his arm around your shoulder, "What do you wanna play first, baby?”

You hum, “air hockey?”

"Loser buys dinner?”

“oh you're so on!” you run ahead of the boy to get ready to demolish him in air hockey.

You weren't so sure if Jake was actually bad at air hockey or if he was just letting you win— Either way, it was great for your ego seeing the score in front of you reading a Wild 15 to 5.

“I don't know why you always insist on making bets on games you're bad at,” you tease, leading Jake over to another game.

“Maybe I just like spoiling you,” he shrugs, putting coins into the machine.

"Well, you could spoil me without embarrassing yourself.” You mindlessly begin to play the game before you.

He laughs melodically, "I'm not embarrassing myself, baby. I just like seeing your face when you win.”

You gasp shyly at the comment." Why are you flirting so suddenly?" You hit him across the arm.

He laughs cutely, "I'm always flirting with you, pretty"

"Oh my gosh, take it easy lover boy-" You walk away from Jake to find something else to play, and to hide the embarrassing blush on your face.

You only do a little bit of walking before you lay eyes on the claw machine section of the arcade. With a sparkle in your eye, you approach the machines Full of adorable stuffed toys.

"Do you want me to win you one?" Jake throws his arm over your shoulder again.

"You can try~" You tease.

He puts his hand out in fake offense, “You have no faith in me, I’m hurt.”

"I have plenty faith in you Jakey," reassure him.

"How about you try to win one of these?" You point to one of the cute puppies within all of the other small stuffed toys in one of the machines.

“Alright, bet— sit back and watch a masterwork." Jake dramatically cracks his knuckles and stretches before trying his hand at the game.

After Jake's fifth try with no success, you began to realize that maybe your initial lack of faith was Valid. He groans in frustration— Claiming that the game was totally rigged and unwinnable.

"It's a claw machine, Jake- there's only one goal...” You giggle at the way he’s pouting at not being able to win you a toy. "Here, let me try."

You push him away and Start up the machine, the song begins to play as you carefully maneuver the silver claw right above the toy you want. Jake watches intently as you push the red button. effortlessly— the claw grabs onto the plush, picking it up and moving it to the drop spot.

Jake's jaw drops as you triumphantly hold up your new puppy plush.

"I'm beginning to think you're just really bad at games...”

"I am not! You're just lucky!" He's pouting so hard you're worried his face is going to get stuck that

“Oh sure… lucky.” You tease. "So, what are we gonna name our son?" You ask, absent-mindedly playing with the plushie's soft ears.

Jake hums, "Maybe... Jake jr?"

"Ah yes, naming him after the one who didn't catch him.” "On c'mon, he looks just like me! Why wouldn't he be Jake jr?!" Jake takes Jake Junior from your hands, posing the toy next to his face to show their similarities.

You pull out your cell phone, giggling as you snap photos of Jake and your new son.

“Now I really gotta win you something” He pouts again as he scans around to find the perfect toy for you. He gasps as he presses his face into the glass of a different claw game. "There she is look!'" Jake exclaims, pointing to a cute bunny plush. "It's Y/N junior!"

You follow where he’s pointing, a tiny brown bunny plush with a ribbon around its neck sits cutely on top of the others. “Now all you gotta do is catch her."

"That's why you're gonna help me!"

With your combined forces you managed to win the rabbit in only two tries. Immediately you take selfies with your new children.

•

"Ooh! Jake let's do the photo booth!” You take his hand in yours as you pull him into the booth with you. As the two of you cram into the confined space you tug the curtain closed. The comforting scent of your best friend's cologne infiltrates your senses. Boy, he was closer than expected-- and so beautiful. You try to push away that thought— starting the timer for the camera. “Let's do a cute one first!”

"Psh— I'll be in it, it'll already be cute."

You roll your eyes as the counter ticks down. Jake throws a finger heart while you cup your hands under your chin cutely. The camera flashes and you begin to think of another pose to do before the camera goes off again. Jake scoots closer to you, gently putting his arm around your waist, He smooshes the sides of your faces together, putting half of a hand heart on his cheek. You mirror him, winking for the picture.

For a moment you can’t help but wonder if Jake could hear your heart pounding loudly in your chest from the proximity. You just have to hope he can't.

"Hey-" Jake calls to you softly, moving your chin gently to look at him. Blood rushes to your face in record time at the proximity. The faint countdown for the final photo is drowned out by the erratic thumping of your heart. You panic internally as you watch Jake close the distance between you.

He kisses you so gently, Freezing in place so the photo captures the moment. He pulls away slightly - but you can't wake up from this dream just yet. You take Jake's face in your ars and Kiss him once more. You swear you are in heaven, Your best friend just Kissed you!

The realization hits you like a freight train, causing you to pull away in shock.

"You just kissed me!" You exclaim.

Jake laughs at your red face and shocked expression, "You kissed me back!"

“Of course I kissed you back why wouldn't I kiss you back?”

“I don't know! maybe you weren't into me like that,” he shrugs.

“Oh, don't be dumb, of course I'm into you like that Jake.”

“Well, now I know! c'mon, let's look at our pictures.”

Yourusername

liked by s1mjak3_ and others

Yourusername: Aracade date with boyfie🤍🤍🤍

s1mjak3: The claw machine goat fr fr🤪🤪🤪

s1mjak3

liked by Yourusername and others

s1mjak3: Us when we dominate the arcade😎😎😎😎

Yourusername: you mean us when i dominate the arcade and you just watch...

s1mjak3: dont be a hater wtf😒😒😒😒

Tag list (If you want to be added just comment!)

@chmpgneprblem

@qoopeeya

@sleepysongbirdsings

@magicalcowboyarbiter

@tadpoleteef

@nicholasalexanderchavezdimes

[ididntseeurbag]

headaches and remedies

pairing: yeonjun x idol!fem!reader

genre: fluff, established relationship

warnings: mention of stressed out reader, mentions of food and eating, kissing, reader feeling under the weather (lmk if i missed any!)

in which reader has a headache, so her boyfriend tries to alleviate the pain.

a/n: omg hello again! it's been a long long time :) i've been very busy with my third year of uni, but i'm going to try and post a bit more now that i have a break between semesters! i hope you guys like this one <3

it was just another day of promoting for the new album that moonstone, y/n’s group released, this time in inkigayo, where yeonjun and her had been working for two weeks since then as the new mc’s. everything was going well, the interview had just started and the three commentators made the other five members feel comfortable. the audience was amused by their comfortable conversations and even laughed when they realised that they were going out of script.

nonetheless, y/n wasn’t being very talkative that day since she was having a headache from the moment she woke up, so she didn’t want to force herself to say anything apart from what was in her script before performing for that day’s stage.

yeonjun, who was standing next to her during the interview, had noticed her state and gave her a sympathetic look, to which she flashed him a fast and small smile, grateful that her boyfriend realised she wasn’t feeling her best right then. “so, y/n,” said boy started, feeling sorry that he had to make her talk, even if it was just a short answer to his question. “what can your fans, moonlight, expect from this stage?”

y/n took a short breath, composed herself, and straightened up, trying to seem as okay as possible. “well,” she responded, pushing herself to form coherent words. “this is our first performance for this song, so we’ll show our beautiful fans the whole choreo live for the first time!” she gave the camera a grin and continued. “we hope they all enjoy it just as much as we do,” she finished with a grin and a small heart directed to the camera and then looked at the actual audience, who cheered loudly at her words and gesture.

“amazing!” the third mc spoke and turned to one of the other five members to ask her another question. as said member talked, yeonjun kept stealing glances at y/n, both to make sure she was okay and because it had been a few weeks since they had seen each other, and he missed being next to her. the girl noticed but pretended to not see anything and tried to hide her smile to not alarm anyone that watched the interview, hoping twitter wouldn’t put their ship name on trending again for the nth time that month since they announced they’d be working together. on the inside, though, she wanted nothing more than to be with him without any cameras around, for she also wished to spend time with him, especially after not meeting at all for a while because of the hectic schedule that came with new releases.

the interview ended swiftly, so the members quickly went to their waiting rooms to get the final touches in order to perform. it was a hard choreography, and the song required a high vocal register, so y/n got an even bigger headache when the schedule concluded. thankfully, the group didn’t have to stay longer, so after changing, the members parted ways. some of them went to their idol friends’ dorms while others just decided to go to a café nearby and wind down before going back to work during the afternoon.

stepping inside the empty dorm, y/n said a quick hi to the cats that belonged to one of the members and to her dog remus, fed all of them and put on some comfortable clothes just to throw herself on the bed right after. as she let the mattress envelop her, she basked in the silence and let out a deep sigh, overwhelmed and tired of everything, even though it was just 1 pm. she thought of making lunch, but she didn’t have the strength to even do that, so she just closed her eyes and let sleep take over her.

an hour and a half later, she woke up to the sound of her phone ringing. she clumsily grabbed it and picked up the call. “hey,” y/n immediately smiled after hearing his voice. “can you let me in? i brought some stuff that might lift your spirits,” without answering him, y/n ran to the front door and opened it in a rush, throwing herself into yeonjun’s arms. he quickly dropped the bag he had on his hand and wrapped his arms around her, tightening his grip on her waist and lifting her up slightly, making her giggle softly at the action.

y/n placed her head in the crook of his shoulder, revelling on his warmth and slightly hearing the soft beating of his heard. “missed you,” she mumbled, pressing a small kiss to his collarbone.

yeonjun softly chuckled, trying to pull her even closer to him, even though there was no space left between them. “i missed you too, baby,” after a while, he slowly detangled himself from the hug and picked up the bags he had left on the floor, raising them up to his girlfriend’s face. “i gave myself the pleasure of buying you lunch and your favourite bubble tea cause you looked really exhausted during inkigayo and i hate seeing you like that,” he pouted slightly as he looked down at her. yeonjun always felt guilty when she was under the weather. he knew it wasn’t his fault, and she reminded him of that too, but he couldn’t help but think he could do more to try and make her feel better faster and more easily, so he always tried to do things for her, no matter how small, to take off some of the weight she seemed to carry. their relationship went two ways, and he always took that into consideration.

y/n was having a very busy schedule that month, so her anxiety piked up and she also felt very stressed, both things making her feel much more sensitive, so she almost started crying, her eyes glistening and unshed tears threatening to fall. “you didn’t have to do that, baby,” she whispered, smiling tearfully. “i would’ve been able to look after myself,” she tried to put up a front like usual, since she didn’t really like feeling vulnerable, although she tried to work on it when it came to yeonjun. “besides,” she continued, mirroring his pout. “aren’t you tired too? from today’s work and practising for the comeback?” y/n realised he was also kind of being hard on himself, and felt bad that he couldn’t rest as much because he went to get things for her.

yeonjun placed the bag on the kitchen counter, then turned to his girlfriend and placed one hand on her waist as the other cradled her cheek, his thumb slowly caressing it. “yeah,” he admitted. “i can barely hold myself up right now, but i thought that we could eat take out together and then cuddle in bed and take a well-deserved nap,” he gave y/n his signature smile, tilting his head and closing his eyes slightly as he did so. “don’t you think?”

y/n giggled at his actions. “yeonjun, love, you know i really like cuddles,” her smile widened as he his eyes lit up when hearing that. “but-” she tried to continue and argue that she had to prepare some tracks for the special stages for some performances that were taking place at the end of the month, but he cut her off.

“no!” the boy quickly intervend. “no ‘buts’, we’re taking the rest of the afternoon for ourselves whether you like it or not,” this time, he frowned, trying to make himself look fierce, but she just found it endearing.

still, y/n knew she couldn’t say no to him when he got so stubborn, so she accepted defeat and sighed. “you’re not gonna change your mind, are you?” she questioned, to which he quickly shook his head no, as she expected. “okay, cuddles it is then,” she tried to sound disappointed, but a smile threatened to peek out.

“yes!”

after the delicious lunch, the pair went to y/n’s room and laid in bed. y/n settled her head on yeonjun’s chest, hearing his steady heartbeat and feeling the pattern of his calmed breathing. yeonjun looked at her and smiled, slowly gliding his fingers through her soft hair and admiring her features. he could look at her every day for the entirety of it and would still find new things to love with every glance he took. he truly loved her with his whole being and always felt like he was soaring around her, the honeymoon phase of their relationship not quite over yet (and maybe it would never be, for every time he even spared a glance at her and her eyes met his, his heart went crazy).

“hey, babe?” y/n asked

yeonjun muttered a soft, “hm?” to tell her to keep going.

“can you not stare at me that much during interviews? it’s hard to concentrate while feeling your eyes on me all the time,” she pleaded, embarrassed to admit that he made her that nervous. 

yeonjun wrapped an arm around her waist, moving downwards so he could pull her closer and hide his face in her neck. “but i can’t help it!” he whined. “you’re too beautiful to not look at, love.”

“but you’re making it very obvious that we’re together, jun,” she chuckled, twirling his hair around her index finger.

yeonjun groaned in faux annoyance. “what do you suggest i do then, cover my eyes?”

y/n laughed at his question. “no, baby, i’m just asking that you look at everyone else except of just me or else we’ll get outed before we even realise it,” she stated. “twitter and tiktok are crazy enough about us already so let’s try and keep our companies as sane as possible until we decide to announce it on our own terms, okay?” she reasoned. they had been dating for half a year, so it was still new, and they didn’t want to rush it and be out to the public too early. they agreed on taking it slow so they could enjoy it without pressure.

“i-” he started, but sighed. “ugh, sure” he caved in. “fine, i’ll do what you say, your highness,” he flailed his arm around dramatically, pretending to bow like a knight would. 

y/n laughed and met his gaze. “thank you, junnie,” she said as she kept playing with the ends of his hair, noticing how he closed his eyes a slightly when she scratched his scalp with her nails. just by laying with him, her headache was already dissipating, so when her boyfriend checked in on her and asked her how she was feeling, she answered truthfully. “i'm feeling much better, baby,” she smiled. “thank you for being here with me.”

yeonjun’s eyes lit up at her answer, his whole self relaxing as he felt proud of himself for visiting her and doing his best to make the aching go away. he lifted her face up by the chin with his index and thumb fingers, moving his hand to the back of her head as he carefully pulled her closer, the distance between them growing smaller and smaller until their lips met. it was a short kiss, but also soft and just enough for them both to feel giddy inside like a pair of teenagers. yeonjun looked at her afterwards and smiled, tracing random patterns on the nape of her neck. “anything for you, my love.”

masterlist

[cranberryjuice-posts]

-it was a mistake I swear-

Pairings - clarisse x Fem! Reader (any godly parent can work just reader is friends with Chris Rodriguez)

An: Any godly parent can work - this is based off of like Ellie and Dina and their kiss at the party + Ellie’s friendship w Jesse

Tw - slur dyke is used, Clarisse low key is out of character 😢🙏

“Fuck—“ the daughter of ares groaned as she got up and walked to the door opening it still in her sweats and sports bra.. standing outside the cabin door was her brother mark who was holding a plate of a traditional breakfast with her water bottle in another. “Mornin sleeping beauty” he joked but clarisse however wasnt in the mood and just walked away.

He followed clarisse inside and shut the door, after handing clarisse the food mark sat across from his sister on a different bed.

Clarisse started to eat almost choking when she saw it was 12pm, more then half the day wasted. She started to drink some water in hopes of clearing her throat out.

“So” mark looked over from where he was laying, “I heard you had an intresting night last night” Clarisse paused but shook her head.

“No.. no it was just y/n being y/n she kissed me an—“

Mark sat up shocked and looked over at his sister. “I was talking about your fight with James you kissed y/n?” Clarisse paused and looked down speaking in a flat tone. “Oh.”

—

At the same time only a few hours earlier you sat on your bunk going through your shirts while Chris confronted you.

“You kissed clarisse?” He asked and you sighed setting a camp shirt down.

“Shit, im sorry i know you liked her but I just— fuck this is awkward” you held your head down in embarrassment but Chris just laughed. “Dude chill, I don’t care you two are cute together now can you get dressed so we can go start training”

You groaned and rolled your eyes. “Your the worst” You reached to open your trunk but he slammed it down. “It’s still fucked up you did that though” he added, you shoved him back and grabbed a random shirt throwing it on.

The entire morning you heard whispers from around the camp about your kiss last night and you just wanted to curl up in a hole and die.

After a few campers approach you wanting to know the real details about what happened you lost it.

—

Clarisse soon joined the camp, however when some kids approached her about last night they were face first in the dirt after she shoved them.

A couple hours passed. Clarisse spent Marjory of the afternoon trying to find you, eventually she heard you were in the arena with some younger new kids most likely demigods who hadn’t been claimed yet.

She looked around before finding you, Clarisse kept her tough exterior up still conscious of the other campers around… “swing your sword like this” you instructed swinging your body a certain way when you felt a pair of hands grab your hips.

You turned around and saw clarisse standing behind you. “Move your body more like this focus the movement out and away from yourself”

she turned you some, her tone was a more authoritative yet calm one with a neutral face. You blushed as she let go, turning to face her you tucked some loose hair behind your ear.

The young demigods infront of you got the hint and walked to a different area of the arena.. there was some silence before both you and clarisse went to talk at the same time. You chuckled quietly as clarisse shifted awkwardly.

“Look im sorry about last Night”

“It’s Fine lise, Actually i wanted to apologize“ You admitted and leaned against the wall.

“Why.”

“Well i mean i was a Little high and there was so many people around I shouldn’t of kissed you I—”

“no no it’s fine you were just trying to cheer me up”

“I know but still-“

“It’s all good im not Reading into it or anything” clarisse crossed her arms and looked down.

Much to her suprised she saw your face with a playful look on it. “You know what I love about you.. you always let me finish my sentence” you smiled at her and tucked a curl away from her face. “Wanna help me train these new kids?”

“I’d rather kill over”

“Sure” you joked while walking away back towards the kids, Clarisse couldn’t help but watch as you left with a light smile.

————

(This is supposed to be a flashback like how it was in the game 😭😭)

Clarisse stood near her cabin pouting though she wouldn’t admit it. Her siblings majorty had either gone back to the cabin or were around the fire partying with the other camera. Clarisse thought it was dumb that the entire camp was celebrating the Hephaestus cabins win in the summer games when the ares cabin should of won.

Looking down clarisse didn’t notice you walking over. “So, how’s the pouting session going hm?” You leaned on the railing of the ares cabin porch beside clarisse.

“I’m not pouting”

“Mmm yes You are”

Clarisse rolled her eyes at your comment. “What do You want” she complained. “Well I’d really like to hangout with the girl who told me she was gonna show me a good time after she won the war games”

She scoffed. “Does it look like i fucking won” You however laughed. “Nah you look like your pouting” before clarisse could respond You grabbed her hand and lead her towards the campfire.

Placing her hands on your hips and wrapping your arms around clarisses neck you started to dance with her while some song played in the muffled distance. The two started to slowly sway.

“Well” You dramatically sighed. “Since your not in a bad mood I guess I can’t offer you anything to feel better” Clarisse raised an eyebrow wanting to know what you were getting at. “Oh yeah? And what was that”

You shook your head, moving one of your hands seat from clarisses neck you started to play with one of her curls. “You Just Said you weren’t pouting so I can’t tell you.. unless of course you were lying” you gave her a Cheshire Cat smile. She gave you an intimidating look but eventually broke character. “Fine I was pouting”

“Really?! Oh you poor baby”

“Don’t be a bitch about it”

You laughed quietly, sighing you placed your hand back around clarisses neck and just smiled at her. Clarisse rolled her eyes at your antics. “You know there all staring at you” she whispered.

“Maybe their staring at you” you whispered back admiring the girls face “or maybe their jealous”, but she just shook her head. “Nothing to be jealous of, I’m just a girl”

You moved a hand from her neck to cheek. “Clarisse, your so much more than that” you gently rubbed her cheek before leaning in and kissing her.

Clarisse gasped but quickly kissed back squeezing your waist in response. The kiss however was short when James walked past shoving his shoulder into clarisses.

She looked back pissed off. “Excuse you” she grabbed his shoulder and turned him.. james was some unclaimed kid that no one could careless about. He just scoffed. “This is a whole camp event keep the PDA to a minimum”

You rolled your eyes. “Sorry.. sorry!” You whined and grabbed clarisses Hand to lead her away. James shifted his stance. “Remeber there’s younger campers around”

“Yeah like your Setting such a Great example” You rolled your eyes.

“Great what this camp needs.. another loud mouth dyke” you felt clarisse stop walking and watched as she turned around.. you put a hand on her chest to stop her but she didn’t care. “The fuck did you just say!”

“Clarisse”

Clarisse shoved james back, before an actually fight could break out Chiron had stepped in.. multiple campers crowded around— out of embarrassment you just left. The daughter of ares eventually calmed before she had noticed you were gone.

She stormed back to her cabin, slumping down in her bed and mentally complaining wondering if she fucked everything up.

[anavilante]

Not his omega.3

Part 3: Tension Mounts Between John and Gale as Secrets Begin to Surface

Despite the difficulty of being near Gale, John is determined to help, but Gale’s reluctance to share his past complicates everything. As John tries to understand his actions, especially around his pregnancy, their fragile connection strains toward breaking.

Word count: 3K

You can find all the released parts of the fic Not His Omega at this link.

================================================

Sleeping in warmth and safety, on a soft bed that smelled of his owner’s calming scent, reminded Gale of his carefree past, where his main concerns were good grades and successfully completing flight practice. It was indescribably pleasant, so the omega didn’t want to wake up. He wanted to stay in this bliss a bit longer, but something was teasing and stirring him, pulling him out of Morpheus’s cozy embrace. Gale frowned and tried to bury his face deeper into the soft pillow. It helped him relax a little, but now his baby kicked impatiently against his stomach. He tried to soothe the child by placing his hand where the kick had landed and gently stroking it. Usually, that worked, but now the baby pressed insistently against his hand.

Sighing in disappointment, the omega propped himself up on one elbow and immediately realized what had so rudely pulled him from his sleep—it was a smell. Not John’s scent this time, but the incredibly delicious aroma of food coming from the kitchen. Gale’s stomach growled angrily, and without a moment’s hesitation, he headed toward the source of the amazing smell, which he felt he could have found even in a stranger’s house with his eyes closed.

He tiptoed downstairs and peeked into the kitchen, where John was bustling by the stove with pots and pans, filling the room with that wonderful aroma. Gale, sticking only his head out from behind the door frame, carefully scanned the kitchen to make sure John was alone, he was worried he might catch him with someone else. The thought unsettled him, and even though the alpha had said he lived alone, Gale decided to play it safe.

John turned around immediately, not seeing or hearing his presence, but simply sensing it, “In our café today, we have two breakfast options: chicken fillet with rice or an omelette with tomatoes and mushrooms.”

“I want…” Gale averted his eyes shyly and shuffled his bare feet on the floor. “Both.”

John smiled, “All right, but promise me you’ll eat slowly and chew well.”

Gale eagerly raised his hand, signalling his agreement to all conditions, and then sat down at the table in anticipation.

John had to reluctantly acknowledge that the symptoms of being around another’s omega, which had entirely faded overnight after sleeping in his locked room with an open window and the icy autumn air, had returned in full force with Gale’s reappearance. His heart was racing, his hands were trembling, his palms were sweaty, and the terrible pounding of his heart in his ears drowned out everything else. He felt awful—broken, miserable, useless, unfit for anything. He wanted to throw down the pan and run far away from this house, away from this kitchen and Gale within it, out to the field behind his home where he could collapse onto the cold ground, gasping for air like a fish out of water.

Yes, he knew it was just physiology. That damn scent of the mated omega was doing this to him. He understood with his mind that he was needed, that he was helpful, that he was assisting his friend who was in trouble, but his body kept telling him he was a useless piece of shit and relentlessly demanded that he crawl away from this place as far as possible.

The omega, a little embarrassed by the silence hanging between them, unexpectedly asked playfully, trying to lighten the mood, "Where’s your moustache, Bucky?"

"Where’s your alpha?" John snapped in response.

Shit, that was rude, he thought. His nervousness, caused by his bad condition, was showing, and he hadn’t been able to stop himself in time.

Gale blinked, confused, and placed his hands between his knees. He stared out the window and said, sounding sad, "Well, looks like it’s 1:1."

John hung his head, irritably stirring the contents of the pan. As if it wasn’t obvious that his relationship with his alpha wasn’t a topic he wanted to discuss, he thought, feeling frustrated.

He wanted to change the subject, so he said, "When you were sleeping, I took some bruise ointment to your bathroom. It helps them heal. And I also left some shaving supplies in case you decide to shave..."

Gale thought about it for a moment. He must have fallen into such a deep sleep if he hadn’t noticed someone else nearby. Normally, that didn’t happen when he slept on the streets. There, you had to stay alert, always sleeping with one eye open. But here, it was so warm, calm, and safe that he had let his guard down and fallen asleep without a care, and it felt... strangely pleasant.

He suddenly felt the urge to look in the mirror and see how he looked, a thought that hadn't crossed his mind in a long time. Damn, probably awful, Gale thought, Bucky had never once said that I needed to tidy myself up. And now it sounded like exactly that to him. The omega, somewhat confused, scratched his fingers over his bristly cheeks and chin.

"Ugh. I’m not shaving right now," he said apologetically. "My skin’s too sensitive after... after the pregnancy, and it irritates easily. If someone kindly lets me tidy up a bit, I use a trimmer, if there’s one." John walked to the table to lay out the food onto plates, and Gale blurted out suddenly, "It’s not as bad as it seems! My stubble isn’t too harsh or prickly, and it grows really slowly... Touch it!"

He closed his eyes and stretched his neck, tilting his face as if inviting John to feel it.

What the hell? John thought. I must be dead. I must be lying somewhere on a dirty street with a cracked skull after a fight, and my dying brain is racing with last fantasies. But who said fantasies have to be sweet and pleasant? No, my fantasies are straight-up John-style. There’s a guy in my house that I had a crush on, but it's almost torture, and I can barely be around him without some weird panic attack. At flight school, I was always finding excuses to touch him even just for a second because I was losing my mind over him, while he was cold and detached, and now he's actually offering me to touch him, but I just can’t anymore. Yeah, I must be dead, and this is my personal hell.

John thought about what it would be like to cup his chin with his palm, run his thumb over the already decent stubble, find out what it felt like... Then slide a finger over his plump lips, enjoy the difference in sensations between the skin, thickly covered with hair and the smooth hotness of his lips, press on his lower lip a little bit, hinting that he wants to get inside his mouth and freeze in anticipation, would Gail allow him? Feel like heart would nervously break into a frenzied pounding when, after some doubt, Gale would open his lips and allow him to dive into the heat of a wet, tender mouth, slide over the hardness of the white teeth and touch his tongue, which would immediately rush towards a light caress, lips closed around his finger, capturing it and Gale would begin to suck it a little, caressing it inside with a gentle tongue, making him think about how it would feel if it weren’t a finger. Press a finger abundantly covered with saliva on the deft tongue, forcing to relax and slightly pull his jaw down, hinting to open the mouth and look at the pink tender wet mouth of the omega, eager to fill it with his own tongue or dick.

The Alpha blinked, snapping out of the sudden fantasy that had gripped him. What was strange, however, was that his dick remained unresponsive to the vivid images flooding his mind, as if some connection between his groin and his brain had been severed. This was something new.

I don't know what the hell is going on, but something’s definitely wrong, John felt it deep in his gut as he watched the omega eat his breakfast. He doesn’t want to talk about his alpha. Whatever happened between them, that guy is obviously no help in this situation. He shudders at the mere mention of the shelter, and frankly, I can barely bring myself to be in the same room with him.

An alpha during an omega’s pregnancy isn’t just a husband, friend, lover, or protector. Through daily affection and intimacy, he provides essential substances that help the baby grow and develop healthily. The omega’s body can’t produce these substances on its own because it’s not as autonomous as a beta’s body. These substances are important for neutralizing the negative elements the omega’s body produces during pregnancy.

If the alpha and omega are separated for any reason, the omega must receive special medications to replace the alpha’s substances at a shelter. The omega will be registered there as an omega without an alpha. These medications can’t be bought at a pharmacy, and they aren’t prescribed by a doctor. They can only be obtained in a shelter by taking tests and proving that there is a deficiency in the alpha substances. These aren’t vitamins or supplements that might have a small effect on your body; they’re more like a poison, which doesn’t suit everyone, but they can save the child’s life. Therefore, they are a last resort, and they’re taken by omegas whose alphas have died, become seriously ill, or are otherwise separated.

“Do you have the medication?” John asked a little sharply.

Gale froze with a fork in his mouth and a single grain of rice awkwardly hanging from his lower lip. His eyes darted around the kitchen, unwilling to meet John’s gaze, and he mumbled, “Yeah, there’s a little left…”

“Where are they? I threw away your dirty clothes and didn’t find anything there.” Gale swallowed. “So you must have hidden them in the clothes I gave you, there’s no way you’d hide them anywhere in my house.”

Gale lifted his eyes to meet his, blue and tense.

“Show me your pills, Gale,” John said flatly, not taking his eyes off him. Omega flinched at hearing his name from John’s lips, as if he’d been struck.

He awkwardly shifted in his chair, wondering how fear had instantly wiped away any trace of appetite. He desperately searched for a plausible explanation.

John smirked crookedly, though the smile was anything but cheerful.

“You don’t have anything.”

The corner of Gale’s mouth twitched, but he remained still, staring vacantly at the surface of the table.

John threw his head back in despair, making a sound of almost animalistic frustration.

“Are you trying to get rid of the baby?” he asked directly, no longer bothering to beat around the bush.

In his house, there was a mated omega who belonged to another alpha, and for that, he could go to prison. The fact that this omega was pregnant meant he faced a sentence of 20 years in prison. And if the baby died as a result, he would be facing life in prison. John laughed silently and bitterly: he could be sentenced to life just because he tried to help the guy he once loved—how’s that for irony? Isn’t that the universe laughing right in his face?

Gale’s blue eyes flashed at him like knives.

“Not at all.”

“Then what? What’s the plan?” John looked him straight in the eye. And… incredibly, Gale’s sharp, angry expression faded, and he backed down, clearly bewildered.

John shook his head. He hadn’t paid much attention in sex ed classes—mostly he’d spent that time filling his head with fantasies about how to fit his dick into the bodies of betas and omegas. But he remembered one thing clearly: it’s either the presence of his alpha or the pills—there’s no third option if he wants to keep this child alive. Maybe because of this dependency, omegas were often viewed with contempt as weaker or more inferior beings, unlike betas who could autonomously carry a child without needing an alpha's involvement.

John saw no other option. If Gale cared about this baby, he needed the shelter and the right therapy—no question about it. John picked up the phone hanging on the kitchen wall.

Gale wasn’t a fool—it took him only a few seconds to react, during which John had only managed to dial a few numbers before Gale practically leaped across the table like an enormous, furious cat and lunged at him, grabbing the receiver out of his hand.

"YOU’RE NOT MY ALPHA!" he shouted so loudly that John winced. The neighbours had probably heard it, too. "YOU’RE NOT MY ALPHA, YOU HEAR ME, YOU BASTARD! YOU DON’T GET TO MAKE DECISIONS FOR ME! YOU HAVE NO RIGHT!"

He was so furious that it looked like he might actually hit John, who still had the words "YOU’RE NOT MY ALPHA" ringing in his ears—words filled not only with anger but also something that sounded like accusation. Gale slammed the receiver down with a loud clatter and hissed at the alpha, driving him away from the phone. He was quick and strong, but John was still bigger and stronger than him, and right now, that felt like a disadvantage. Sure, he could restrain this furious omega and wait for the rage to pass, but John was afraid. Gale’s now visibly pregnant belly and the bruises covering his body acted like the most powerful restraint, forcing John to simply back away under the omega’s assault. He wondered how Gale’s emotional range had grown so intensely over the past year. Just a few minutes ago, omega had seemed like he wanted to nuzzle his face into John’s hand, and now he looked ready to punch him in the face. Whether it was the pregnancy or life on the streets triggering such extremes in the once-reserved omega, alpha didn’t know.

Gale stepped back a few paces, throwing angry glances at John as he paced the kitchen like a large, furious animal. If evolution hadn’t robbed him of a tail, alpha was sure he’d be lashing it against his sides right now like some caged tiger.

“Buck—” was all John managed to say before Gale darted toward the door.

"I won’t be a burden to you."

John was faster and blocked his way. He didn’t touch the omega; he was still afraid to. Gale was a storm of anger, desperation, and a painful need for control.

The omega felt cornered, as if others were making all his decisions, especially over something as personal and important as his body and his future, leaving him bitter toward a world that seemed to have stripped him of choice and respect.

Gale had almost reverted to a primal state: anger, wariness, and constant readiness to defend himself. John was taking a huge risk by standing in his way. Omega’s emotional wounds and tension made his actions abrupt and nearly unpredictable. If he decided to scream now, call for help, and accuse the alpha of harassment, John would face a minimum of 20 years in prison.

Judging by Gale’s narrowed eyes, clenched fists, and rapid breathing, he seemed to be thinking the same thing at that moment.

But it wasn’t in John’s nature to back down or lack the courage and recklessness to put his life on the line, so he stepped firmly in Gale’s path to the door.

"Please, don’t go."

Gale let out a silent sob, his shoulders shifting nervously as though he were trying to decide whether to push past alpha and escape into the darkness or stay in his house.

"I’m not your alpha," John said gently. "And even if I were, I’d have no right to make your decisions for you. I’m sorry."

The omega bit his lower lip, as though weighing whether he was just saying what he wanted to hear or if he truly respected his choices.

“Please, Buck, talk to me,” John asked, and Gale could tell it was sincere. “We were best friends once, shared everything…” He swallowed. “Almost everything. But now, I feel like I’m only seeing the tip of the iceberg, and I have no clue what’s going on. And as usual, you’re staying silent.”

“I—” Omega began, stepping back, caught between running and staying. “I’ll tell you everything, Bucky,” he promised, his voice almost pleading. “But I need time.”

John wanted to reach out, to comfort him, sensing the pain in his voice, but he knew now wasn’t the right moment.

“You have all the time you need. I won’t interfere anymore, I promise.”

Gale bit his lip again, a hint of desperation flickering in his eyes as if he wanted to say something but forced himself to stay quiet. He stood there for a moment longer, unwilling to yield too quickly, and then, slowly and tensely, he returned to his seat, signaling that the outburst had passed.

John resumed cooking, moving around the kitchen carefully, as if he were in a minefield. After a moment’s thought, he said hesitantly, “I have work tomorrow.” Flights, Gale thought. John was a pilot for a small private airline. Omega hadn’t gotten to fly after graduation, but his friend had a stable job that still kept him connected to the skies. “I’ll leave food in the fridge and some snacks on the table. There’s a TV in the living room and books in the library upstairs.”

Gale’s blue eyes bore into John’s back until he turned around, “Aren’t you worried I’ll rob you blind and disappear?” He lifted his chin defiantly.

John shrugged and gave a small smile, "Sometimes, knowing what your friend is worth is worth more than money, you know?"  Gale’s mouth dropped open in surprise, but he continued, "What could you steal from here? A few hundred dollars? An old TV from my late aunt? A barely working toaster? Knowing that my best friend is an asshole is worth way more."

The omega snorted. Bucky's always been like this, he thought. Risky. Ready to gamble everything, lose it all, and not even blink. John had always been willing to take desperate measures to achieve his goal, unafraid to take risks, and genuinely believing in success even when there was no reason to.

Sometimes, he reminded Gale so much of his father, the only difference being that John actually cared about him.

================================================

A huge thank you to @caterina07121 for reviewing my text for readability and major errors! I appreciate you taking the time!💖

@amiserableseriesofevents @bottomab @gramaphonejammin @mazikeen @umika Guys, if you no longer want me to tag you, please let me know, because updates are coming out slowly, and you might have already lost interest in the fic.

[ghoularaki]

baby's breath | 7

↠  summary: Merely by coincidence, Erwin, your father's former friend had crossed paths with you again after nearly a decade. He offered solace once finding out you were struggling with not just school, but your home life as well. His home he shared with another one of your father's friends, Levi, became a sanctuary. Though, the more you came over for study sessions, the more they wiggled themselves into your private life. And like baby's breath, they weeded themselves in so deep you couldn't uproot them.

↠ word count: 5,939

↠ pairing: levi ackerman x reader x erwin smith

↠ genre/warnings: angst, smut, modern au, DARK CONTENT, yandere, daddy kink, forced infantilism, pet play, age gap. NSFW (omorashi, slight feederism)

Playing it safe, within the time you were allowed to sleep on the couch, you dared not go forth with your plan. And thank god you didn’t since Levi got into the habit to come down stairs a couple times in the night. This was how you learned how much of an insomniac Levi was. Most nights he would leave you be and would make his tea. Though last night, he sat on the couch like he did over a week ago. Or at least you thought it had been. Time passed so differently here. All you knew was July quickly approached with the temperature rising.

A routine had been set. During the day Levi watched over you while Erwin kept up the facade of a professor. The couple days he came home late you quickly learned wasn’t because of paperwork, but taking Levi’s place to ‘keep people in line.’ Curiosity ate away at you to know what exactly they did behind the scenes. Though, for your sanity you didn’t ask questions.

Levi’s previous threat of you not being Erwin’s first stray never left your brain. How long before you were to be discarded like a broken doll? Or was Levi lying out of his ass to keep you in line? Try as you might, you couldn’t stop the questions swirling around your head. Even if they sent you in a frenzy, you wanted to be prepared for anything to happen.

But, surprisingly, everything lulled. Your head had gotten significantly better. You barely had any headaches now and you were able to watch the TV in small doses. Despite feeling better, you refused to let the two of them know how much better you were. Feigning weakness to feed into Erwin’s want to baby you and to have Levi get off your back, you played dead like a possum.

Sun slowly slipped down the sky like an exposed yolk. Twilight crept into the living room where you sat, observing Levi making dinner for you three. Over the course of the week or so you were recovering, you were able to eat at the table. When Erwin would come home late into the night, Levi let you sit in your own chair. Skeptical of him, you tried to subtly side-eye him, but he easily caught it.

“You’re not a child,” He had said.

His words were true, though you didn’t really believe him. Levi sure did treat you like a incompetent child. Especially when he let you eat by yourself he made a comment not to choke. You had gripped your plastic fork (he wasn’t stupid enough to give you something you could actually hurt him with) to conceal your rage. Maybe he said it to get under your skin. It only served to vex you more that it had worked.

Fiddling with the TV remote, you watched the cartoon displayed on the screen. So lost in thought, you almost didn’t hear the sound of the locks being turned. Head shooting up, you watched Erwin walk through the door, suitcase in hand. Exhaustion was apparent on his face.

Toeing off his dress shoes inside the mudroom, he walked further into the home. Walking past you, he didn’t even acknowledge your presence. Perplexion physically formed on your face. Turning your body on the couch, you watched Erwin’s hunched, broad shoulders move towards his office. Glasses slipping off his face, from deep in the room you hear him throw them onto his desk.

Locking eyes with Levi, the man didn’t offer you any resolve, going back to stirring the food in the pan.

“Make yourself useful and set the table,” He called out to you.

Still confused, you followed the order, not wanting to ire the other man in the house. The couch creaked as you got up and shuffled over to the kitchen. Heart in your throat, you walked past Levi to reach into the cabinet. When everyone was awake, the men kept them unlocked. What really could you do with Levi breathing down your neck.

Opening the cabinet, you reached for three plates.

“Only grab two.”

Those simple words had anger grip you. You always forgot when Erwin was home what little autonomy you had, vanished. Sure, Levi had beaten and raped you, but at least he didn’t touch you since then. If anything it seemed he avoided any skin contact.

Moving your fingers to take the dishes, you clutched them in your hands and went towards the table. The resilient, but the stupid part of you wanted to break the plates and pierce Levi in the side of his throat. He could never touch you again, but his hands will be imprinted on you for a lifetime. You wanted to scar him as he did you.

You placed the plates on the table.

Sliding one at the head of the table and then one at side, you went to the drawers to grab cutlery. Forks and knives in hand, you repeated the motion. You did the same with the cups.

Standing in the middle of the dining room, you waited for an order. Unease settled in your gut. The routine had been broken. Erwin always acknowledged you when he got home and Levi never let you touch the dishes. Something bad was going to happen to you. They couldn’t have known your plan already, could they? You were only joking when you thought Levi could read your mind.

You tried to muffle your stuttering breaths. Nostrils flared, you stared at the ground with watering eyes. A panic attack about to overtake you, you wanted to vomit. You weren’t even here for more than ten days and you were on the verge of insanity. Such a small part of you wanted to go back to the old days where you considered the men father figures, but the bigger part wanted to slit their throats in their sleep.

Shutting down, you sucked in your tears and disassociated.

The burner flicked off with a click and Levi pivoted to look at you still staring at the floor. A haunting blank expression spread on your visage. He snapped his fingers in front of your face and you barely registered it. Slowly you looked up at him.

“What the fuck is up with you?” He gruffly asked, brow furrowed.

You shrugged, looking very similar to the petulant child he frequently called you. He opened his mouth to question you further, but Erwin lumbered into the room. His expression steely.

Still ignoring you, he grabbed his plate and put a hefty amount of the food onto the plate. With the filled water pitcher at the table, he poured enough water, it almost spilled over the brim. Following his movement, Levi grabbed his plate and put a significantly less amount.

“Princess, come.”

Beckoned like a dog, you hesitantly stumbled closer. Gently, Erwin placed you on his lap. Tugging you closer, you sat until your back was flushed to his front. Entangled in his form, you felt so tiny, so weak. One arm slung across your waist, the way his bicep flexed against your side, you knew Erwin’s strength. Like Levi, he could easily crush you.

Stabbing his fork into his food, he elegantly brought it up and wrapped his lips around it. After one bite, Erwin put his fork down and turned you around slightly. Grabbing the nearly spilling cup, he brought it up to you.

“Can you do me a favor and drink this all for me?” He posed it as a question, but you knew a demand when you heard one.

Gulping, you dared to ask, “Why?”

Blithely smiling, he said, “I can’t make sure my little girl is hydrated? We have to make sure you get better as quickly as possible.”

Uncomfortable, you squirmed and then hissed when his hand dug into your side. For some reason, your eyes bounced to Levi who watched on, eating his food without a care. Suspicious, you go to take the glass from Erwin, but he jerked it back and tsked at you.

Dropping your hands, you let him put the cold glass to your lips. Shuttering, you willed away the memories begging to surface. You were no longer in the basement, you were no longer in the basement, you were no longer in the basement.

Not realizing how thirsty you were, you swallowed half of the cup before trying to pull away. Erwin followed your head.

“Uh uh, drink all of it.”

Clenching your eyes, you wrapped your hands around his wrist to stabilize yourself. Quickly you consumed all the cold water that laid heavy in your stomach. Once the cup no longer sat on your lips, you gulped any air you could.

The glass clinked around the table. Rubbing your side as encouragement, Erwin poured more water into the cup. More nervous than ever, you tried to claw at the arm digging into your ribs.

“Have your tantrum now because I won’t tolerate it soon enough,” Erwin’s tone pierced you.

He had gone back to eating. After a couple of bites, he offered you some. Stomach already full from the water and anxiety, you turned away. Though he quickly gripped your jaw and forced you towards him. Hands free, you attempted to slap his wrist away. His fingertips squeezed your mandible until your mouth dropped from the pain. Shoving a forkful of food into the cavity, he loosely cradled your jaw to make sure you chewed.

Glare strewn across your face, you ground the food and swallowed. “I hate you.”

Erwin brought another forkful to his own lips and stared you down as he chewed. He looked at you as if you were a toddler throwing a fit. A simple, blank expression rendered you on edge. Those deep blues analyzed your very being. Tearing you apart to a molecular level to see what made you tick.

Unnerved, you kept your hands curled in your lap. Stabbing more food, Erwin brought the food to your lips after his bite. You tried not to think of you sharing saliva with the man. Throughout dinner, Erwin didn’t take a sip of his drink. Erwin kept feeding himself and then you until three-fourths of the plate was empty. The water left stagnant in the cup.

Pausing in his eating, he went for the cup again and went towards your lips. If you drank the water, you surely would explode. Already full, you felt the tickle in your bladder telling you you needed the bathroom.

“E-erwin I can’t. I’m full,” Instinctively, you put your hands up to stop him.

The hand on your hips snaked up to grab your hand and forced your head still. “Don’t make me hurt you.”

You wanted so badly to cradle your head, his hand right where your healing wound sat. Sniffling your resolve, you dropped your hands and parted your lips. Cold glass touching you again, you tried to float away from the kitchen to somewhere, anywhere but here. Tipping the cup forward, you forcibly swallowed down all the water.

Your throat bobbed as you drank all you could. Once the very last drop sat in your stomach, you coughed and tried not to gag. Placing a hand over your mouth, you breathed through the nausea. Water pouring into the cup once again had a shutter running through you.

Erwin rubbed your back as you hunched over. He went back to eating. Once you calmed down, he tried to feed you once more. You were so full, you couldn’t take anymore or you would actually throw up.

“Please,” You pleaded. It fell upon deaf ears.

“Eat.”

Blatantly sobbing, Erwin took the opportunity to shovel the food into your mouth. You had no idea what warranted him being so cruel to you. Did he really find out you stole his glasses screwdriver? And if so, why won’t he tell you why he’s punishing you now?

Spiteful, you go to spit the food at him, but he slammed a hand over your mouth. His large hand encompassed all over your lower face, even your nose. Smothering you, you still refused to swallow. With a free hand, his fingers massaged your throat triggering your reflex. Ingesting the food, Erwin released you.

Cradling your stomach, you sagged into Erwin, in pain. Your stomach stuffed to the brim and pushing on your bladder, you felt the need to go. Fear gripped you as you had an inclination he wouldn’t let you off that easily.

Taking the last bites of food, the man reached for the glass. Already knowing what was going to happen, you thrusted yourself from his form and jumped from his lap. If you drank anymore you would pee yourself. Not being able to handle the humiliation of doing that again in the span of less than two weeks, you struggled.

Easily, he spun you in his lap so you were back to chest. His elbow held down your body as he tipped the glass in your mouth. His other hand pinched your nose so you had to imbibe every last drop. Digging your nails into his forearm, you tried to shake your head, but you were immobilized.

Once the glass sat on the table again, you coughed and gagged. Erwin engulfed your face once more and forced your head into his shoulder. “You throw any of it up and we will do this all over again.”

He let you settle until your tummy stopped flipping. Levi at this point got up and cleaned up dinner, not saying a word through the whole thing. Plates clattering in the sink made you jump. Staring at the ceiling, you tried not to focus on your stomach pressed down on your bladder.

Deeming you ready enough, Erwin picked you up quite awkwardly. He lifted you with just the arm wrapped around your waist, feet dangling. Like a child carrying a disgruntled cat. Taking you into the living room that Levi already sat in, Erwin placed you in the middle. The coffee table had been moved to the side and instead there was a mat with a paw print pattern. The paws were raised. He had your body sink on the mat, your knees taking the brunt of it. Under it, laid a puppy pad.

Fuck.

Kneeling on the mat, Erwin came to squat in front of you. He grabbed your hands and placed them on your knees.

“This is punishment for what you did to Levi.”

Your head sprung up and you seethed, “I already was punished.”

“That wasn’t punishment, that was Levi unable to handle his emotions,” Levi clicked his tongue from somewhere within the room. Erwin continued, “I have been lenient with you since you were injured, but you clearly are well enough considering you poked your nose in stuff that isn’t yours.”

Moving your focus to Levi, you snipped, “Snitch.”

“Not my fault you’re stupid enough to think I wouldn’t tell Erwin,” Both his face and tone flippant.

“Oh yeah I forgot how you’re his bitch—”

Levi’s face turned thunderous, but Erwin promptly slapped you. He barely hit you with any of his strength for the sake of your head. The action still had you reeling as your gaze dropped.

Gripping your jaw again, he kept eye contact. “Don’t squirm or go to the bathroom for an hour and then you will be forgiven. You will be given one warning. Don’t make me repeat myself more than once.”

Fisting your hands until your nails bit into your palms, you weighed the outcomes of behaving or not. Erwin didn’t leave any room to fuck up, he didn’t even say what would happen if you were unable to do the punishment. Plus, the mat already hurt your bare knees.

Exhaling to steel your nerves, you whispered, “Okay.”

Stroking your cheek with his thumb, he reminded you, “No squirming or going to the bathroom for an hour.”

At that he departed from your form. A spectacle in the middle of their living room, the men ignored you for the movie playing. Back facing the screen, you could only guess what entertained them from sounds alone.

The want to wiggle plagued you. Your body already ached from your overstuffed tummy and the grooves of the mat digging into your skin. The pain was minimal, but it itched at you. How you wanted to curl in and hug yourself. The need to vomit still hadn’t passed. Spine straight as a pole, you could only assume his command not to squirm included not moving from where he positioned you.

From where you sat, you watched the men sit on the couch. Bare of you, Levi and Erwin sat at the same couch. They were on opposite sides with no indication of it being for any bad reasons. Levi didn’t seem like the type to cuddle or touch in general. Erwin was a man of poise. If he craved touch, he didn’t seem to be the type to make it apparent. Well, in a normal context.

Here, in this house, he could reign down all his desires on you as he pleased. No different than a man of faith finally led a stray. No longer ignorant and free from his charm, Erwin held no respect for anyone but himself.

Your focus stayed on the space in between them. If they were going to ignore you, you would do the same. Channeling your willpower, you refused to cave. Despite Erwin’s command, you could sense he wanted you to fail. To embarrass yourself as you did Levi.

Resting his cheek against his fist with elbow sat on the arm of the couch, Levi glanced at you. From your peripheral, you saw him leisurely drinking in your form. If you weren’t so stubborn, you would have snapped at him that he’s enjoying this. He must be. You were like this because of him, because of Erwin.

Erwin huffed out a laugh at the TV. Clenching your fingers even tighter, your skin pinched between your nails. You hoped you would bleed. Your thighs started to cramp from being in the same position for who knows how long now. Every second passed slowly, like in molasses. The sticky residue had you wanting to stretch your legs.

Tiny divots imprinted into you. You didn’t know what made you more angry, the mat having pawprints on it or Erwin picked it because of that. Maybe it’s Levi who did since he did have an infinity to call you a bitch or a dog. How much did they have this prepared?

While lost in your thoughts, you felt a small wetness begin in your panties. Instantly you clenched your thighs and stood up straighter. Alright so trying not to pay attention to your bladder didn’t help you at all. Now you were very conscious of it. You didn’t know if that made it better or worse.

Instead of the sting in your knees, your brain flooded you with the ache in your intestines. With it in the forefront of your mind, you wanted to move. When you clenched your thighs, your knees moved slightly causing the sharp edge to dig in your cartilage. Subtly as you could, you shifted to get some sort of relief.

Somehow Erwin caught it.

“First and only warning, Princess.”

Luckily Levi made no comment to tempt you. Steeling yourself, you bit your lip. Still refuse to give the men the reaction they wanted, you didn’t stray from the space in between them. With no idea how much time had passed, you didn’t know how much longer you had. You regret not counting in your head the seconds. Sure, it would have been agonizing, but at least you knew when to give up.

Time sat like this, unmoving like your quivering form. Your toes started to curl in on themselves from the stretch. Squeezing your lids, the cramps in your legs, back and now your feet almost broke you. Laying on the couch for almost a week didn’t help with your stamina.

Body coiled tight like a violin string, your bladder screamed at you. It laid heavy on your other organs. More dribbled out of you and you wanted to screech. Why of all days did your own body betray you? Were you no better than an untrained puppy? Most adults couldn’t even go without a toilet and yet you were here, almost peeing yourself no better than a child. You seethed and scolded yourself for not being stronger.

“Times up, sweet girl,” Erwin’s voice pulled you from your stupor.

Head springing up, you stared at him as if he was lying. Even with those words, you didn’t get up. In this position for so long, your body crystallized. Erwin got up from the couch to get closer to you.

“Can I go now?”

“Go ahead,” He smiled down at you.

Relieved, you raised on your knees to get up slowly, but he clamped a hand on your shoulder and forced you back down.

Confused, you tried to pry away his enormous palm. Slumped on the ground, you were no longer on your knees but your legs to the side of you, your hip digging into the rim of the mat. Your fingers worthlessly scrambled against his to pull them backwards.

“I didn’t move, let me go!”

“I don’t remember saying you could use the bathroom, just not to squirm or go unless you wanted a harsher punishment.”

“You freak,” You barked and raised your hand to punch him in his dick.

Before you could, Levi came behind you and stopped you before you made it worse for yourself.

“Let the poor girl go, Erwin. Honestly I really don’t want to clean up the mess,” Levi sounded exasperated.

Nodding, Erwin let you go and you scrambled away from him. Your legs were pins and needles, stinging as you awkwardly stumbled into the bathroom. No different to a fawn finding its footing.

Behind you, Erwin huffed at Levi that he was merely teasing you. You could almost hear Levi rolling his eyes at the taller man.

Ripping the door open and slamming it closed, you really wish the bathroom had a lock. Finally on the toilet, you let yourself sag until your chest was at your knees. Stuttering breaths erupted from your lungs. The stress of today weighed on you. Muffling your sobs, you refused to move, not caring your panties and shorts hung around your ankles. The ache persisted in your tummy.

The door opened and shut a lot softer than when you shut it. From the barely there footsteps you assumed Levi joined you. Tilting your head up with a tearful glare, his expression stayed stoic.

“Do you need help?” His eyes look at the toilet paper.

Scoffing, you grabbed it yourself, “Don’t fucking coddle me.”

At that, he crossed his arms and leaned against the door, trapping you with him. Realizing how exposed you were, you finished your business and shoved your clothes over your pelvic bone. Getting up from the toilet, you reached behind you to pull the band over your butt. You refused to let him see you naked ever again. Even if it killed you.

Going to the sink, you stared at each other from the mirror. Flicking the water on, you squirt copious amounts of soap in your hands. Vigorously scrubbing, you let muscle memory overtake you as you watched Levi like a prey animal. Water rushing filled the empty silence.

“You’re not doing it correctly.” Pushing himself off the door, he stood behind you.

Wrapping his arms around yours, he took your hands in his. Compared to Erwin’s hands, his seemed almost delicate. Long, slim fingers with slender palms but still littered with calluses. His nails were well manicured, but you could tell he’s a man that used his hands often. Despite this, his still engulfed and cradled yours.

Gently, with his chin over your shoulder, he washed your own hands meticulously.

“Didn’t I say not to coddle me,” You muttered, too tired to actually fight.

“I don’t think you are in the position to tell me what to do,” His voice tickled your neck.

Still staring at him in the mirror, you spoke, “I forget that’s Erwin’s job.”

“I know what you are doing. Knock it off.”

Properly scolded, you looked down and watched how the warm water washed over you both. Hands thoroughly cleaned, Levi released you to let you both respectfully dry your hands. Finished before you, Levi grabbed your annoyingly pink toothbrush and just as annoyingly strawberry toothpaste tube.

The mirror shut with a muffled pop. Confused, you watched on as Levi squirted a hefty amount of toothpaste on the bristles. Wetting it under the water and flipping it back off, his left hand grabbed your jaw and massaged it open. Scared of a repeat of only mere hours ago, you try to tilt your head away. Levi was quick to redirect you.

In the mirror, he placed the toothbrush into your mouth. At first you thought he’s going to gag you, but instead he gently brushed your molars. Eyebrows twisted in perplexion, your eyes go cross-eyed as you stare at the brush in your palate. Memories of your first day trapped here ran through your head. The whole reason why you were punished. He must have been testing you. To see if you would be stupid enough to repeat the same mistake.

This time you will keep your teeth to yourself. For now.

Through the mirror, Levi didn't drift from your mouth. Extremely thorough with each tooth, he moved from one side to the other. Foamy, strawberry flavored drool spilled from your mouth and down onto the sink.

You whimpered at the sticky saliva paint on your chin. Levi paid no mind to it as he pinched your jaw to open your mouth further. With dexterity, he moved to your upper row of teeth, scrubbing away any imperfections. Too tired to really fight, you wrapped your hands around his forearms.

“Spit.”

Listening, you bent over and spat the toothpaste into the sink. Bringing you back up, he spoke again.

“Open, tongue out.”

Warmth filled your face. His words in different context sounded so lewd. His face didn’t portray how his words sounded. Reluctantly, you let your tongue lull out. Hand still on your face, he simply brushed your tongue.

Going deeper into the cavity, you gagged when he hit the back of your throat. He paused, but continued on. He kept the same pace with your tongue, attentive. The brush went too far and you gagged again.

“Spit,” he repeated.

Still queasy from earlier, you gladly did. If he kept hitting the back of your throat, you were going to throw up and you didn’t want him to brush your teeth, again.

Not moving from you quite yet, he rinsed off the brush and put it with the others in the holder. Hands on your shoulders, Levi spun you around slowly. Your grip on his forearms loosening. Grabbing a cloth, he wet it under the water and brought it to your chin. Gently he wiped away any residue.

“Messy,” He absentmindedly commented.

Levi finally let his arms drop. Locking gazes with you once more, he seemed to be… pleased.

The thought had fire sit in your chest. You didn’t want to ever make that man content or pleased with you. The mutual hatred kept your sanity not snapping like a thread. But you couldn’t handle more, so you let it be. Picked your battles.

“Come.”

Pulling completely away, he opened the bathroom door and expected you to follow. Dejectedly you stayed behind him. Instead of taking a right, he went to the left, further down the hall. Right where your room sat.

Pretending to be scared to go back inside and a little spoiled, you grabbed the hem of Levi’s shirt. “Wait!”

He stopped and glared at the hand tugging at him. “What?”

“I don’t want to go back in,” You mumbled.

“Too bad. Erwin spoiled you enough.” Levi grabbed the hand on his shirt and tugged you further down the hall.

You stumbled a little at the pull, but stayed silent otherwise. A tiny smile flinched on your lips before you snuffed it. You dared not look anything but dejected, Levi could sniff out when you were lying like a damn bloodhound.

Light footsteps carried you until you hit your bedroom, nothing out of place. The cage door open, waiting for your arrival. Firmly, Levi brought you to the cage and stuffed you inside. While going in he covered the wiring so your head didn’t hit the metal. There was no need to injure you further.

He closed you in and locked you inside with a snap of the key. The same key you kept seeing. One a bolder, safer night, you will go looking for the source of it. It had to be your ticket out of here.

Crouched at the door, Levi observed you, eyes squinted. “I know you’re up to something, whatever it is, stop it. Erwin only played nice because he’s worried about your concussion worsening.”

“I’m not up to anything,” You glared back. Liar.

“We’ll see about that. Don’t come crying to me when your Daddy beats your ass black and blue.” And with that, he withdrew from your cage and left you alone. He flicked the lights off and shut the door.

Finally alone, you crumpled into a ball and grabbed one of the plushies. Muffling your cries, you sobbed and sobbed until there was nothing left. Hours must have passed as you no longer heard the TV and the light in the hallway didn’t creep into the dimly lit room. Your stomach no longer hurt, at least some of the food digested. A spiteful part of you never wanted to eat again.

No sound bellowed in the house.

Not even the creaking of a bed above you. Patience sure was a virtue, but so was persistence. You couldn’t handle one more night here than needed. Plus Erwin and Levi—well at least Erwin—would think you would be licking your wounds too much to try anything.

Tearing yourself from the blankets and stuffing holding you down, you turn behind you and grab the teddy bear. Sitting up further, you dug your finger in the hole and found the screwdriver still in there. Relieved, you shakily smiled with a quivering exhale.

Shuffling over to the lock, you squeezed your fingers through the gaps and twisted the lock closer to you. It would have been easier if you could get your hands in between the bars, but alas.

The hooked metal strained against the wires. Your fingers pinched the actual lock while the hand with the screwdriver shimmied the shaft far enough inside. Ear close to the mechanism, you listened carefully for clicks. You didn’t even know if this would work, but you could only hope and pray. Pray to any god or deity listening to hear your pleas.

Lids closed, you twisted and turned the screwdriver. You were scared of it not working, but you were more scared of the tiny tool breaking inside the lock. Pushing away the thought, you focused harder. You spun and pulled, spun and pushed, spun and pulled until….

Click. … Click, click, snap.

Springing up, you stared at the lock and tugged on it. It came off. Holy fuck, it came off. Pulling the lock out of the hinges, you threw it behind you on the blankets and pushed open the door.

In disbelief, you numbly crawled out of the cage and further into the room. Learning your lesson, you were more aware of your footsteps. Still crawling to the door, you placed your ear against the slab of wood. The house was still barren of sound. Not even a breath.

Cautiously, you twisted the door and peeked your head out to see nothing in the dark, looming hallway. Now or never, you slipped through the crack and crouched upwards. Low to the ground, you took soft, slow footsteps. Passing the hallway that led to the stairs, you never let it out of your view until you efficiently crossed by it.

Exhales heavy in your chest, you dared not breathe until you were out of its line of sight. The opening into the living room, had you gently release some tension. You stopped at the archway and put your back to the wall, your body facing the living room. Peeking a head out, there’s no one on the couch nor in the kitchen. Safe—for now—you tip-toe ran towards the mudroom.

Kneeling at the small table, you quietly pulled the drawer open and grabbed the flashlight luckily still there. Closing it just as gently, you make sure no one stood behind you. Still in the clear, you got back up and raced towards the hallway window that faced the neighbor’s home.

Crouched at the window, your hands sweaty and clamped around the flashlight, you prayed for someone to be awake. With shaking hands, you turned behind just to be precautious and then stopped stalling. Flashlight in hand, your thumb went to the button at the bottom.

You clicked it on.

Hushed and under your breath, you said, “One. Two. Three. One… Two… Three… One. Two. Three.”

With each number you flicked the light on and off. Three short bursts of light, three long bursts, and then three short ones again. You prayed you were doing it correctly.

“S. O… S.”

You repeated this five times. Not wanting to test your luck, you stopped after the fifth time. In the abyss of the night, the only indicator where the neighbors home was the porch light on. Your eyes focused on your reflection in the window. Chills had your skin raise and you whipped around to see no one.

Trusting your intuition, you were out of time. On a time crunch, you go back to the table, careful not to let your anxiety cause you to get sloppy. Placing the flashlight where it was before, the draw shut with some resistance. You snarled at the wood to fucking work.

Tears bubbling at the apprehension, it finally closed. Heart in your ears, you raced back to your room, not leaving your crouch. You were able to make it to your door when the sound of someone moving sent you in overdrive.

Not daring to look behind you, you slipped into the crack you left and closed the door gently. A soft creak had your shoulder hunch to your ears, but you didn’t dwell on it.

Crawling to your cage, you shut the door and fumbled behind you. Grabbing the lock with slippery hands, you shoved your fingers in between the bars and made sure the lock’s front faced away from you. Snicking it closed, pounding footsteps lumbered down the stairs.

Erwin’s coming.

Twisting around, you plunged the screwdriver into the teddy bear and shoved it in its place. The footsteps went towards your door. Terrified, you threw your head onto the plushies and cradled it to your chest. Tossing a blanket over you, Erwin quietly opened your door.

Clenching your eyes closed, you prayed he wasn’t as perceptive as Levi. The man didn’t come fully in your room. He stood at the doorway before closing the door again. His footsteps went back down the hall and up the stairs.

Your lungs whistled from how long you trapped oxygen in your alveoli. Despite the terror, you grinned into the stuffed animal you hugged.

You did it. You fucking did it.

[cherigu]

— ˚ʚ♡ɞ˚ Love to Hate, Hate to Love!

Genre: smut, enemies to lovers Pairing: sub!jeongguk x softdom!reader Word Count: 5.7k Warnings: porn (with) plot, college au, alcohol consumption, reader calls jk puppy like once, hair pulling, nipple play, jk cums in his pants, dry humping, implied oral

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“Words spread like wildfire, Jimin. I’ve heard a thing or two about Jeongguk and they’re not all that good.” You stopped to pop a candy in your mouth, loving the taste of the sugary sweetness. 

The soft glow of Jimin’s TV was currently the only form of lighting, doing a sufficient job of illuminating the living room. The two of you were sitting on either side of the black couch, sharing the snacks that were supposed to be for movie night. The long-forgotten Disney movie served as background noise for the gossip you were currently engaging in.

“I doubt it though, he seems like a good guy. Of course, completely disregarding that I haven’t met him.” You finished chewing and passed the box of sweets to Jimin. He took the box before starting, “What kinds of things have you heard?” You scoffed in disbelief, surprised Jimin didn’t know about what people on campus said about his friend.

Unbeknownst to the two of you, Jeongguk was walking down the apartment corridor, eagerly scanning the doors for Jimin’s apartment number. With two takeout boxes on one arm, he raised the unoccupied one to knock on Jimin’s door. Just as his tattooed hand was about to come in contact with the door, he quickly pulled away at the sound of the familiar voice he identified as yours, saying his name. He couldn’t help but eavesdrop knowing the conversation was about him.

“His shy persona is bullshit. He butters girls up only to get his dick wet and throws them out the next morning. Not just that, but he’s an overall asshole. No wonder he has no friends.” You raised your hands to use air quotes, something Jeongguk couldn’t see. “That’s insane, I get the dude looks intimidating, but his exterior doesn’t reflect his personality. Jeongguk is a sweetheart!” Jimin exclaimed while shaking his head. He couldn’t believe how stupid people were.

Jeongguk was the most gentle person he’d ever met in his life. He was selfless, always putting others before him even if it meant he’d end up getting the short end of the stick. He’d comfort you while holding back tears of his own, not wanting to redirect the concern to him. He’d let you eat the leftovers he had saved for his dinner, even if he’d go to sleep hungry. Yet still people made up ways to talk down on one of the kindest people on campus.

Jeongguk’s tense body relaxed a bit after hearing Jimin defend him but the shock of your words made his blood run cold. The two of you were never really close. Despite being in the same friend group, Jeongguk was more reserved and kept to himself, not allowing you to get to know him much. He doubted his ability to even call you an acquaintance. 

That still didn’t stop him from admiring you from afar. Another reason the two of you never got close was because of his undeniable crush on you. He feared that he’d mess things up and say the wrong words, considering he felt more timid than usual around you. You were pretty and the few times you had interacted with him, you were nothing but kind to him. This made his heart shrink even more, is this what you thought of him all along?

 He sadly looked down at his takeout boxes as he toyed with his lip piercing, wondering if it’d be a good idea to announce his presence at this point. He figured he couldn’t let the food go to waste as he wouldn’t be able to eat both boxes, so he sucked in a breath and shyly knocked on the door.

Jimin excused himself, making his way to the door to check who it was through the peephole. He flung the door open in excitement as his favorite person stood on the other side of the walls. 

“Gukkie! What’s up? Come inside” Jimin excitedly motioned his hands towards the living room, dropping them when Jeongguk didn’t seem to move an inch. “Um..I-I actually have somewhere to be… Just needed to drop off some food for you. Picked up some takeout and figured I’d get some for you as well” Jeongguk nervously handed the box to Jimin, painfully aware that he wasn’t the best liar in the world.

“My boy” Jimin gracefully accepted the box and pinched his cheek before Jeongguk playfully swatted his hand away.  “Are you sure you don’t want to stay a bit? y/n’s here, you guys can finally get to properly meet each other!”

 “It’s kind of urgent hyung, I’m sorry. At least you have company so you won’t eat alone right?” 

“Ah, I guess so. She’s been here a while now so she might head out soon, or not? Y/n acts like she lives here, that girl” Jimin chuckled.

Jeongguk nodded, wincing at the mention of your name.

“I’ll still make sure to get you guys to know each other next time I host at my place, probably in a week” Jimin exclaimed, already eager to introduce his two best friends to each other.

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If there was someone who was a man of his word, it had to be Jimin. Although on this rare occasion, Jeongguk wished he wasn’t. Not that he’d appreciate a liar, but at least he wouldn’t be standing uncomfortably by the snack table waiting for his friends to approach him. Somehow he felt more nervous than if he’d been at a real party. Jimin liked to throw gatherings where he’d invite his friend group, encouraging them to bring a plus one. It wasn’t small, but it wasn’t big either. This meant he’d for sure bump into you tonight. He had tried getting out of this, he did, but how could he not come when Jimin’s pout was audible through the phone when he heard Jeongguk had to take a rain check? If he had to attend, the least he could do was pray that you wouldn’t. 

He snapped out of his thoughts when he felt his arm being tugged by none other than Taehyung.

“Jeonggukkie let’s go play Do or Drink!” he giggled, already drunk and still looking forward to drinking more.

Soon enough he was brought to the living room where a circle of familiar, and unfamiliar, faces had gathered in excitement to play the drinking game. There wasn’t much space given the eagerness of the people to drink in a fun way. Taehyung felt Jeongguk’s uncertainty, so he pushed him toward the only empty spot. “Go sit with y/n!” Jeongguk snapped his head to where Taehyung had pointed, and sure enough, you were there.

Even while sitting down, Jeongguk got a perfect view of you. While he already knew this, it felt wrong to admit the undeniable. You were beautiful.

Curvy body adorned with a tight black dress, seemingly hugging you in all of the right places. Diamond necklace delicately draped over your collarbones, unintentionally garnering attention to your chest. The dress ended just above your mid-thigh, exposing the smooth skin of your legs which were crossed as you prettily sat while you waited for the game to start. The diamond anklet wrapped around your ankle matched the necklace, clearly showing you had an eye for accessories that elevated your looks. 

As if it couldn’t get any better, you made eye contact with him, allowing him to get a full view of your features. Your eyes sparked like you carried the whole galaxy in them. They turned into crescent moons when you smiled at him, pretty plump lips curling up just enough to show off your pearly whites. You waved and pointed to the spot next to you, inviting him to sit.

Jeongguk was starstruck, if there was at least one person out there who was the definition of perfect, it had to be you. He quickly broke out of his trance, suddenly remembering what you had said about him a week ago. He understood now. You were beautiful, you had friends, smarts, and a social life, which explains why you thought of him the way you did. You didn’t have time to associate with people like him, hence why you only had a notion of him based on what other people said. He couldn’t stop himself from feeling a little bitter. 

The game seemed to drag on forever. He hadn’t had much to drink yet with the dares being pretty tame and doable, but he was surely tipsy enough to fall into an extreme state of paranoia. His sweaty hands were red from how many times he had wiped them on the rough material of his jeans. He couldn’t help but squirm in his spot. Had you gotten closer, or was it the alcohol? He knew it wasn’t a big deal, you hadn’t made an effort to communicate with him, being too preoccupied with the game. Still, he couldn’t help but feel nervous by your threatening presence. All he wanted to do was get this night over with without having to cross paths with you after this. However, the universe had other plans as Hoseok, the designated card reader, read out the younger’s card.

“Kiss the person to your right, or take a shot”

Jeongguk’s throat suddenly went dry, unable to swallow properly. He tried his best to act normal about it, but his widened eyes communicated his panic to the rest of the circle. 

“Finally this game gets somewhere!” Mina clapped. 

Jeongguk turned to his right, and almost as if the two of you were in sync, you turned to look at him as well. Your eyes locked for less than two seconds before Jeongukk spoke.

If Jeongguk felt nervous just from sitting next to you before, he was surely going to throw up now.

“I’ll take the drink” He turned away to look at Namjoon who was in charge of the drinks. “Are you sure? There’s only vodka left, I know you don’t like it-” Namjoon warned while filling up the shot glass regardless.

“I don’t care” 

Jeongguk quickly took the glass in his hands when Namjoon passed it, pouring the clear liquid down his throat which caused his face to scrunch into one of disgust. He winced at the taste but swallowed it nevertheless.

Your gaze never seemed to falter from his face, burning holes into the side of his skull, something that didn’t go unnoticed by him. You didn’t understand why the boy had reacted that way, not even giving you a chance to come to an agreement of at least kissing you on the cheek, as the card hadn’t exclusively said a kiss on the lips. Instead, he chose to send himself into a coughing fit all because he drank the strongest alcohol available at the party.

“The speed of his decision was almost offensive” Joy snickered.

“Don’t know where her mouth has been” Jeongguk murmured, but not silent enough for the players to ignore, especially not you. “Excuse me?” You turned your body towards him with a stern, yet confused look. “What’s that supposed to mean?” You scoffed while crossing your arms.

“E-exactly what I said, probably sucked someone off before playing. Maybe more than o-one.” Jeongguk replied, strong words contrasting with his insecure body language. He didn’t realize the weight of his words, never being one to insult people to their faces, or at all. You could say his subconscious mind spoke for him, needing to let you know that you weren’t the only one who could talk shit about someone before fully getting to know them.

At this point, the circle of people had grown silent as you sharply stood up. The public’s eyes fixated either on you or the boy who seemed to shrink under your killer gaze.

“How about instead of speaking on matters that don’t concern you, much less know about, you just accept that you couldn’t kiss me because you’d pop a boner in front of everyone.” You picked up your bag, “Easy fuck, probably made that shit up ‘cause you wished it’d been you, huh? Those people were right about you and your act.” You spat at him, never failing to break eye contact with him. With that, you left.

You weren’t sure if you had overreacted or not, the buzz from the alcohol clouding your judgment and making you slightly more irritable than usual. Regardless of that, disrespect is something you will never stand for, especially if it’s unprovoked. 

Jimin had taken off behind you, but not before scowling at Jeongguk. 

“Y/n!” Jimin’s voice rang behind you. You stopped to turn to look at him, and then back at the staircase to make sure you wouldn’t fall given your alcohol-induced blurry vision. 

“Look, I don’t know what your friend’s deal is, but tell him to take it up with his daddy. I literally do not know him enough to have ever done anything to him, yet he still had the nerve to not only disrespect me but humiliate me in front of my friends with some crazy accusations.” 

Jimin sighed, “I don’t know what got into him tonight, he usually takes his alcohol well, it couldn’t have been that. Whatever it was though, I’m so sorry he did that.”

“You don’t have to apologize unless you’ve been running your mouth to him about my personal business that made him come to that conclusion.” You huffed, only now thinking of the possibility that the person you trusted the most with details about your sex life, was airing out your business.

“Never! You know I wouldn’t do that to you y/n. Look, I’ll talk to him, alright? I’ll make sure the boys knock some sense into him.” Jimin placed a comforting hand on your shoulder.

You placed your own on top of his, believing and trusting him.

“Alright”

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That was a year ago, and sure enough, Jimin had talked to Jeongguk that night. Although the younger didn’t seem to cooperate. In his words, he had said that because “it could’ve been true.” He never gave the real reason as to why he said what he said, leaving everyone in the dark concerning his unexpected behavior that day at the gathering. 

Ever since then, the two of you were intolerable to one another. You avoided each other at all costs, but while technically being in the same friend group, it was impossible. You would run into each other occasionally, and it’d never end well. Curses and yells were shared, always needing the older friends to intervene and ensure no one bit the other’s head off. 

As much as he hated to admit it, Jeongguk’s anger was just a façade. He never meant anything he said, down to the comment that started this whole feud. The truth is, he was more hurt than angry at what you said, but his feelings for you never seemed to dissolve. That’s what got him the most. With every insult he threw at you, his intention was not to hurt your feelings. The boy only tried to protect his heart against the power of your rage.

He knew he was at fault, but there was no use in regretting the stupid comment he made in the heat of the moment. It was done, and he was sure you’d never forgive him. That left him with no option but to reciprocate the anger and hatred you showed him anytime you saw him. 

Jeongguk stepped into Yoongi’s house, entering the party he was so desperate to attend just to have an excuse to drink. He knew he was bound to bump into you at some point throughout the night, but if he was drunk enough, he wouldn’t have to care or even remember.

He had cleaned up nice, ironic considering his mind was a mess. His shoulder-length hair was nicely styled into a half ponytail, the middle part allowing the bangs to fall on either side of his face. A grey short sleeve draped over his toned body, exposing his buff arms that were so beautifully covered in tattoos. He had been keen on detailing recently, nicely tucking the front of his oversized tee into his black baggy jeans, tying it together with a belt. To add the final touch, he matched the silver buckle of his belt with a thin silver chain that wrapped around his neck

Sweaty bodies danced around him, loud music filling his ears as he made his way over to the couch. He allowed his body to fall back into the comfortable cushions, holding a red solo cup in one arm while draping the free one over his eyes and sighing. Had it been a good idea to attend knowing the two of you couldn’t be under the same roof? Was he overthinking? Maybe you didn’t come, or maybe you’d be busy somewhere else and he’d never run into you.

His thought process was interrupted by a sudden gust of a familiar, intoxicating scent. The warm vanilla aroma was enough to bring him right back to the night he was sitting next to you.  He instinctively opened his eyes, and as if they had a mind of their own, they scanned the room until they found you.

You had to be kidding him.

It seems you had fun with your outfit today. The dark, belt-like, denim mini skirt fits your plump ass perfectly, not too revealing, but leaving little to the imagination. Your black, cropped tube top hung low, showing off enough cleavage to make Jeongguk’s breath hitch. Gold jewelry was scattered throughout your body, from your earrings, down to the buckle of your black strappy heels.

Your enticing scent mixed with your alluring visuals were enough to make Jeongguk’s pants tighten up around him. Flustered with his body’s reaction, he cursed the alcohol for not kicking in sooner. The image of you was now sure to plague his mind for the rest of the week.

Eager to relieve his frustration, he stood up again and made his way to the game of spin the bottle his friends were playing. If it wasn’t with you tonight, it’d be someone else. He didn’t even bother looking at who was playing, needing someone to distract him immediately. 

Eyes fixated on the bottle, he waited until it was either his turn or it landed on him. But before he was given a chance to spin it for the first time, the bottle landed right in his direction.

“Hell no.” 

He recognized that voice too well, down to the tone in which you had spoken. The tone you always used on him when his mere presence worked you up. He followed the direction in which the other side of the bottle pointed towards.

“C’mon y/n, rules are rules” Jihyo laughed next to you, obviously instigating the situation.

“There’s no way I’m going into that closet with him, especially not for seven minutes are you crazy? He’s gonna accuse me of blowing someone again!” You threw your hands in annoyance, ready to re-spin the bottle before Taehyung’s hand stopped your own.

“If you know it wasn’t true, why do you still bring it up” Jeongguk spoke, earning everyone’s attention. He wouldn’t go weak, not now. His plan wasn’t to convince you to go with him, but it was a common occurrence for the both of you to fight for the last word.

“He’s right y/nnie, are you gonna pussy out now?” Taehyung teased her.

“I’ll fucking kill you, all of you” You got up, walking across the circle to lift Jeongguk by his arm and drag him towards the bedroom door, pushing him inside the closet. “I’ll start the timer” Jimin giggled from the living room.

It was a small space, not suitable to hang in, but roomy enough to sit with a reasonable distance between them. “Why’d you give in?” Jeongguk raised his brow, confused at your unusual silence towards him. “Because I’m not a coward, stupid.” You rolled your eyes. Despite the closet being dark, Jeongguk was able to see you perfectly. “We don’t actually have to do anything, just sit still and be quiet for the next seven minutes, think you can do that?” You turned to him.

Jeongguk nodded slowly, not in the mood to start a fight. If this were the most “quality time” he could get from you, he’d take it. Although, there was a slight problem.

“Do you think they’ll believe we did anything? They’ll call you a cheater if we come out the way we went in.” Jeongguk paused as you turned to look at him. “Not that I’d care, just thought you might.” He stared directly in front of him and heard you sigh.

Shortly after, he heard some shuffling from your side.

“Let me give you a hickey” You deadpanned, maintaining eye contact even after his eyes went wide. You were now propped up on your knees in front of him. 

“W-what?” He stuttered, taken aback by how casually you had just proposed the idea of sucking on his neck. How were you, someone who insulted him every chance you got, supposed to feel him up? Not that he was complaining, but you had to be joking.

“You’re right, they’ll get suspicious. You don’t have to say yes though, I guess” You sat back on your ass, cringing at yourself for being so straightforward.

“No, w-wait. It’s.. okay.. go.. um.. Go ahead” Jeongguk rambled, his brain already turning into mush at the thought of you being so close to him. 

You perked up at the sound of his permission, rising back up to your knees and maneuvering your way to straddle his lap. You’d be lying if you said you weren’t okay with your placement. Sure, you found the boy annoying, but you couldn’t help and be captivated by the way his thick thighs flexed underneath you. The sight of his veins was more prominent with the shadows of the setting you were in. With one hand on the back of his neck, and the other flush on his chest, you felt his hard pecks through the thin shirt. He slightly gasped at the new position.

“Better access” You shrugged, flipping your hair so it wouldn’t come in between your job. 

Jeongguk was stiff, awfully stiff due to the situation he was in. His hands were laid by his sides, planted on the floor as he felt your hot breath on his neck. He was okay with this, a little too okay, but his nerves were uncontrollable due to the proximity between the two of you. Without any warning, you latched your mouth onto his neck, earning a breathy moan from Jeongguk. 

“Are you a virgin, or what Jeon?” You smirked.

He wasn’t, everyone knew he wasn’t. He knew his way around casual hookups and one-night stands. Only on rare occasions though, not being a usual recurrence for him because of his reserved nature. Still, he was grown and had some experience in that field. However, how could he not react to your touch? The thought of you alone was able to make him grow hot in places only he’d know about.

Your hot tongue danced across the smooth skin of his neck, wetly sucking the spot that made his body twitch, letting you know it was his sweet spot. Hungrily nipping at his skin, quiet moans spilled through the part of his lips. You continued your actions until you felt like it had been enough to create a pretty bruise. Letting go, you blew cool air on the hot skin of his neck, causing goosebumps to form everywhere. 

"There we go, done!"

Just as you were about to peel your body from his, Jeongguk broke. He knew it wasn’t a part of the agreement to touch you, but his hands acted on their own as they formed a grip around your hips. He sharply pressed down, causing your skirt to ride up and inevitably connect your core to the rock-hard tent in his pants. He was now hot and bothered, feeling your teeth in his neck not being something for the weak.

You’d been too busy with his neck to realize how fucked out he’d become with the slightest touch. His lips were puffy, given how many times he had bitten down on them to prevent him from moaning. They had also grown swollen and pink, matching the flush of his cheeks due to the fluster. This only made your core ache, desperate to know what he’d look like after a night with you.

A hand reached over to his face, cupping his jaw, “Guess I was right at Jimin’s, you did wish it had been you, hm?” You teased, not quite knowing what had taken over you. The need to make a mess out of the boy who’d made your life hell for the past year had suddenly become your deepest desire. 

“Please” He whispered, doe eyes pleading for more of your touch. He was now putty in your hands, wanting nothing more than your touch, mouth on his neck left him wanting more. You decided to taunt him, not quite letting him get what he wants yet.

“Please what?” You cocked your head mockingly. He groaned in embarrassment, hiding his face in your neck.

“Use your words puppy, otherwise we’re done here.” You lied, secretly hoping he’d tell you to keep going. While you had no problem leaving him high and dry, that’d make two of you. Being able to feel Jeongguk’s hard cock dangerously close to your clit made your stomach heat up in excitement. With your sanity being long gone, you couldn’t help but wonder what it’d feel like to have him inside of you. His cock would slide up and down your tight walls, making him whimper at the sensation. The veins would simulate you in a way no other, causing your walls to contract around his thick length and milk him for all he’s worth. He’d keep going even after you’d both come, fucking himself stupid only to stare at the white ring forming around his cock as it disappeared inside of your wet pussy. 

Your thoughts were suddenly interrupted when the boy beneath you finally spoke up, “Kiss me, p-please” He muttered into your neck, slowly raising his eyes to meet yours. “Good boy” You whispered, praising him for his compliance.

You stared at him for a while, gaze growing dark and breath going shallow as you crashed your lips into his. You let all of the hatred and anger you had stored for him, melt into hunger and passion. His grip on your hips grew tighter as your mouths hastily connected. His heart was about to beat out of his chest, warmth coating his entire body and hunger for you growing. With your tits flush against his chest, he was almost sure you could feel the beating of his heart.

Your hands traveled up to his hair, slightly pulling on his ponytail which earned you a gasp, allowing you to slide your tongue past his lips. You explored his mouth until he stopped you by softly sucking on your tongue, being as equally into this as you were. The kiss was frantic, two people who swore they hated each other, finally realizing what they’d been missing out on.

Jeongguk swore he was on cloud nine. Feeling your lips outside of his dreams was something he could get used to, and hoped he’d have the opportunity to do so. Your lips felt so plush against his mouth, tasting sweet like cotton candy. Your tongue worked his mouth so well, making his cock throb at the thought of how it’d feel down there.

You tugged on the ends of his shirt, asking for permission to remove it. He broke the kiss in response, allowing the two of you to catch your breath while you removed his shirt.

He felt shy under your stare, suddenly feeling the need to cover up. He’d been naked in front of girls before, but being with you right now made him incredibly vulnerable. He felt like giving himself to you, allowing you to do whatever you wanted to do to him. What he didn’t know, is that you were too busy drinking him up with your eyes. Arousal gushed out of your puffy pussy, creating a wet patch in your lace panties. His strong pecks and slim waist were enough for you to clench on nothing, desperate for him to fill you up.

“So pretty, all mine for tonight, yea?” Delicate fingertips grazed his abdomen, driving him crazy and desperate for your touch. 

“All yours, y-yours whenever..” He struggled with his words, still trying to get used to interacting with you in a way that was outside of arguing. Despite this, he fully meant what he said, and hoped you’d get the memo.

Wasting no time, you sloppily continued to kiss him, this time bringing your mouth down to his neck again. Wet, open-mouthed kisses coated Jeongguk’s skin, causing it to suddenly feel really sensitive. Your hand slowly trailed down his body, exploring new territory and taking advantage of the situation to feel him up wherever your heart desired. It wasn’t until you brushed one of your hands over his nipple, that he let out a particularly high-pitched whimper.

“Like that baby?” You teased, earning an eager nod and whine in response.

Using a free hand, you reached down to his length, giving it a firm squeeze before softly palming it. The heaviness felt satisfying in your hand, encouraging you to massage him while your mouth trailed lower, lips ghosting over his chest. You placed a kiss right above his brown bud, a short warning before swirling your tongue around it. Sucking on it, Jeongguk basked in the pleasure of the sight and sensation. You knew what you were doing, and that turned him on even more. It was your first time being so intimate with him, yet you seemed to know his weak spots like the back of your hand. 

“F-fuck y/n, need you, pleasee” He admitted, tears brimming his eyes while he sharply bucked up his hips into yours in search of friction.

Still sucking on his bud, you removed your hand from his clothed dick, moving it up to play with his unattended nipple. Giving an experimental roll of your hips, you were satisfied with how Jeongguk reacted, slightly choking on his spit from the friction on his cock. You kept bucking forward slowly until eventually setting a pace. Grinding down on his cock, you smeared the arousal that had leaked from your panties onto his jeans, making his head fall back. His breathing became quick at the newfound sensation. The material of his jeans rubbed his cock deliciously, in addition to feeling the warmth and dampness of your sweet cunt. 

“Just like that” He whined, matching your pace as your pussy repeatedly rubbed on his shaft.

“This is what you wanted the whole time wasn’t it? Just wanted me to make you cum, hm?” You pressed down your clit onto his tip, making him whimper pathetically. One of your hands traveled back to his head, tugging on his hair to make him face you.

“I- fuck” 

“Answer the question” You tightened your grip.

“Yes! Wanted you y/n, so, so bad- ahhh” He tapped on your thighs trying to get you to slow down.

“ ‘m gonna cum soon if y-you don’t stop” His actions contradicted his words as he instinctively rutted his hips harder into you, chasing his high.

“You wanted this baby, now take it.” You worked your knees against the floor, pushing into Jeongguk’s cock as much as possible to help him reach his high. At some point, you pressed down onto a spot on his tip that made him cry, only motivating you to press down harder. 

His lip trembled as fat tears fell from his eyes, mewling as his vision began to blur and ringing filled his ears. Your hands came up to his cheeks, wiping away at his evidence of mind-fucking pleasure. “Such a sensitive baby, cum for me Gukkie” You cooed, feeling the knot in your stomach tighten at his fucked out face.

With his high right around the corner, he feverishly bucked his hips into yours. His movements began to stutter as the coil in his stomach became undone, causing him to shoot his thick load into his pants with a loud wail. His body convulsed under yours as his orgasm made him shake uncontrollably. He chanted a string of curses with your name as you continued with your pace on his dick, loving how shamelessly vocal he was. He held onto your body tight, once again digging his head into the crook of your neck as he came down from his high, only now realizing he had cummed in his pants. 

You continued your movements until his lips formed a pout and his eyes became glossy again, “No more, too much..” He mumbled into your shoulder, wrapping his arms around your waist and pulling you closer as your hips stopped all movement. Feeling how soft the boy had grown under you, your hands soothingly rubbed his back and let him hold you for as long as he needed. “Did so well, Gukkie, so so well” you whispered and gently kissed the crown of his head. 

Once his breathing returned to normal, his head quickly shot up to come face to face with you. “Did you cum?” He questioned, eyes beginning to glitter with lust once more. “No, but it’s oka-” Your words were cut short by the sudden loss of contact, Jeongguk’s body quickly moving down to face your legs. 

“Jeongguk really, it’s okay. Don’t feel like you owe me.” You reached a hand down to caress his face which was now positioned dangerously close to your aching heat. 

“Don’t care, wan’ make you feel good too.” He kissed your thigh, slowly working his way up until he allowed his tongue to fall flat against your clothed core. The sweet taste of your damp panties left him craving more, wasting no time in pushing your panties aside before looking up at you for permission. 

“been a good boy, right?” He whimpered, blood rushing to his cock again at the sight of the meal in front of him, as well as your pretty, desperate face.

“Mhmm, my good boy” You whispered, using the hand on his face to slightly push him towards you, not having to use too much force as Jeongguk voluntarily dipped in, immediately getting to work. 

Safe to say, the timer had been long forgotten about.

A/N: I'd b lying if i said i didn't stall a wee bit to drop this loll feel free to leave feedback, I'm a new writer and always willing to do better &lt;3

[waywardstation]

hi! i havent been on tumblr in a Hot minute but i wanted to come here JUST to tell you that hfbe might be my fave pla fic ive read ao far! the worldbuilding and the characterization of everyone just feels so so right i fall in love

i reread it on ao3 and even tho its not completed its still a joy to reread everytime

Hello hello!! Anon you have no idea how much it meant to me to get to read this. Knowing I put something out there that you wanted to back to and reread means A LOT.

I’m glad you like it so much but man I have been editing the first two chapters (fixing errors, making characters say and do things that are more in line with how I write them now, and just adding scenes in between to help things seem more clear or hit harder), and I’m like man this really isn’t that good haha.

It’s fun to see how much I think I’ve improved since I’ve started trying to write fanfics (I wasn’t aware of how obsessed I had been with commas and run-on sentences at the start lol)

So reading this nice message really gives me such a boost of motivation. I’m so glad you like the worldbuilding, and it makes me excited to get more out because later chapters are when I really introduce specifics on a lot of things. Namely the Pearl Clan’s hunting parties, that has been my favorite.

Now I just gotta get more out! Hoping to put more out for you to read soon kind anon, I really appreciate that you find it’s something you like to reread!

For now, here is a snippet below the cut; I am unsure if I have shared this before, but it’s a scene where Ingo is preparing to advocate for the Clan to use pokeballs to store their pokemon in, so that there is less food consumption (as in HFBE, it’s emphasized that pokeballs put pokemon into a stasis where they don’t need to eat, drink, sleep, etc. for as long as they’re in them. Ingo does it with his pokemon, and he wants the clan to do it too, for their own sakes).

Wording is subject to change (VERY MUCH SO), but enjoy!

—————

“Excuse me Miss Irida, but may we talk for a moment?”

The Pearl Clan leader turned back to see Ingo – he was trailing behind the group, purposefully so. He had been waiting for the right moment to approach her.

“Right now?” Irida’s eyes flickered back over the tops of people’s heads, up towards the communal hall at the top of the hill. “I’m sorry, but can it wait until after the meeting?”

“It is actually about the meeting.” Ingo’s grey eyes were unwavering, waiting — he wanted to ask her something. And Ingo was not one to usually ask for things.

“Ok,” She relented, pausing in the snow both so he could catch up, and they could have their conversation with some privacy. “You have until we reach the hall.”

“Thank you, I assure you it will be quick.” Ingo fell into step beside her, shuffling through the snow as they now both trailed behind the group heading towards the warm hall. He kept his head tilted down just like her, using the brim of his hat to protect against the wind and snowfall. “I, well… I am planning to re-propose a proposition at this meeting tonight. I’d like to make another attempt at advocating for the use of pokeballs.”

“Tonight? Are you serious?” Irida lowered her voice for his sake, looking back between him and the group. How could he possibly think about proposing that when this meeting was for them to discuss how to prepare for this famine? “I’m saying this not as your leader but as your friend, Ingo; now is absolutely not a good time for that. Everyone is already going into this meeting angry. And if you try and start this again, they’re going to-”

Irida took a deep breath; she was already getting stressed over it.

“You know how people are going to react to that. You know who it’s going to upset, Ingo. Especially after last time. And you said you’d let it go.”

“I am well aware of what I said and I intended to stick to it, but these circumstances have changed our tracks, and I believe this may save us from derailing!” Ingo whispered back. He kept throwing quick glances at the nearing hall, gauging how much time he had left to persuade her. “Pokeballs can help us much more than the clan realizes – I’m confident that this can bring us closer to a solution, if not at least be a part of one!”

Irritation and confusion were replaced with genuine curiosity, but a fleck of doubt hesitantly followed after. Irida shook her head, not understanding. “How could they possibly help with all of this?”

“I will explain that in the meeting.” Having conquered the snowy hill, the two reached the warm light that spilled through the hall’s windows to project onto the snow. “But to do that, I need to actually present my proposal, and I’m afraid that will be difficult with the elders tonight. I am trying this for the fourth time now, and I’m aware of how this will most likely be received. I expect they’ll call to send me back to my seat before I even start.”

Ingo paused just outside the doors, waiting for Irida to go in first — she could do so and end the conversation right now if she wanted to, but she didn’t. Instead she stood there, staring at their fading shoeprints in the snow.

Irida could see why he approached her about this now, and a part of her felt sorry for him. “So you want me to vouch for you.”

“Not the proposal itself. Just the time to talk.”

[ymirfritzistrolling]

i want pain so you shall take pain.

here's some dope angst

comment if you've any rq

Her feet kicked the ground front of her as she forcefully made her way back home. It was just another day ending, another day bringing her closer to the end of this year. The end of her teenager days. The end of her high school life. And even though people rarely ever talk about that place or that time as a time they'd like to go back, she wanted to stay there. Forever and ever. Maybe even more than forever.

Her hand brushes through her backpack's zipper as she opens it and takes out her keys. Entering to an empyt house once again. How many times has she been home to her mother and father wasn't waiting for her? Maybe it'd be easier to answer if the question was *waiting for her* since that's something they do every bloody moon.

Throwing her jacket to the side and her backpack to her room she ran over to the kitchen. Starving, she opened the fridge. Full of food for her which she never really eats. How could she eat a whole chicken if she doesn't know how to cook and isn't allowed anyways. She reaches out to the frozen pizza and throws it in the oven.

Walking over to the living room, she turns on tv and opens Netflix to put on a horror movie. Her phone rings as she scrolls through films on the screen. She puts down the remote going back to the kitchen and answering her phone.

"Y/N? This is your dad speaking, are you home?"

"Yes dad."

"Great, me and your mom won't be home tonight. I've got a meeting and she's going overseas for the week. Don't forget to lock the doors and make sure you turn off the oven before going to sleep. Close all the win-"

"I know, I know dad. Just go back to work I'll be just fine."

She rolls her eyes as she hangs up after exchanging morw words with her dad. Eyes following up to their bedroom, she gulps. The last time she went there was just another night like this expect her dad was home with his secretary in their bed naked and she was meant to be at a sleepover.

Taking a deep breath, Y/N turns off the oven and grabs the now pretty hot pizza. Walking back to the living room with her phone in her hand she starts the movie. The night goes short after the screen shows "Fin" and the pizza box is empty. The clock hits midnight as she throws the box in the trash and walks up to her room. She locks all the windows and doors. Putting her phone on the charge her tired figure falls on the bed.

Only now the thoughts busy her mind. As she kept it away from all that nonsense, away from him just now he is surrendering her and she feels ready to surrender. From all those she could've fallen in love with, she chose him. She feels ashamed of herself.

Just as her eyes drift off to sleep, she hears a noise. The back door of her house budges. Hearing two people talking she walks to her phone to check the security cameras. Luckily her parents at least did this shopping for her. Seeing her best friend, she takes a deep breath. Just to make sure, she calls Lima.

"Hey girl, you up?"

"Yess Y/N It's as of you feel this. You're alone right."

"Maybe, maybe not."

"Okay then you're not. I'm at the garden, behind the house. Open up please it's freezing out here."

"Okay girl, I'm getting there."

Hanging up, she takes a deep breath. Walking downstairs, chill running down her spine from the cold as she opens the door. Lima gets inside, hugging her.

"So, hope you're not mad but I had to bring him with me because like it's super late and my parents said I wasn't allowed to walk here alone."

"They did good honey because there's a high crime rate at this neighborhood this time of the year. But who did you-"

Her words get stuck on her throat like the dry bread. Suna Rintarou appears on the door, getting himself in and locking the door after him as he smirks.

"You're good, you even locked the upstairs' windows."

"Why'd you try to sneak in my house?"

She scoffs.

"To scare you! It's Halloween for God's sake."

"It is not."

"Oh really? Then why's Lima wearing that ugly mask-oh that's just her face, sorry."

They bicker at each other, helping her take a relaxed breath. This place finally feels like home. They all go upstairs and sit in her room joking and talking the sadness out.

When they all finally go to bed along the sunrise, the Saturday morning feels safer than ever. She feels home and safe, trying her best to ignore the fact that the place she calls home is her best friend's older brother...

[thetempleofthemasaigoddess]

Flowing like a river (part 2)

Shanks x reader. Violence, blood - a lot of blood. (moodboard)

Sequel to Being a native of Foosha Village and falling for Shanks would involve..., even though it can be read as a standalone.

This fic is dedicated to @machinema7k, who first requested a sequel! This is part two of two.

Samuel Axe was a real-life pirate (actually a privateer) active in the 17th century. Chi is the japanese word for blood.

*****

You sigh as you leave the transponder snail on the little table next to you at the bow of the ship, at the end of another tense conversation with Shanks. Your lover has insisted he wants to hear from you every two hours to make sure you are all right, and hearing his voice is a balm for your soul, but you are so tired - tired enough you feel your legs could collapse under you any moment, and your eyes close, and then you could sleep for a full week…

A discreet but deliberate coughing behind you makes you jump as you turn; you really are a bundle of nerves, as you are sure the man now in front of you can tell. Still, Nejima, the helmsman of the pirate crew that is now completely under your control, even if seventeen men short of its original number, doesn't bat an eyelid.

"We are going to reach the island in less than two hours, if the wind remains constant." he reports; you nod in response, the relief filling your heart so intense you almost forget how arduous, and terrifying, the last two days have been - almost. Only an hour, you promise yourself, just an hour more, two at most to decide what to do with your prisoners and report everything that has happened to your captain, and then you will be free to sleep, and cry, and get drunk - not necessarily in that order.

Your prisoners. It seems strange to ever think those words referred to you, but that is what they are, according to the unwritten rules of the sea. It doesn't matter that nothing would have happened had Axe not ordered to kidnap you, or that you have only acted in self-defense, especially during the brief but deadly skirmish of last night; you have captured their ship, subdued the crew, and now it and them are all yours, to do as you please.

That is a responsibility you have never asked for.

Nejima remains behind you, as you scan the horizon under the newly-risen sun from the bow of the ship. You have no idea what he is thinking, whether how he hates you for what you have done to his friends, how afraid he is of you, or something else; and to be honest, you do not much care. At the very least, you are confident he is not planning another rebellion, after the one the end of which has seen the surviving Axe pirates scrubbing the galley's floor to remove their crewmates' blood and innards, and having to store seventeen (seventeen!) bodies in the hold until they can deliver them to the sea, as is customary when a pirate dies, and that is enough for you. Still, you can not trust him, you remind yourself, since he has already deceived you, taking advantage of your instinctive desire to help whoever is hurt and needs it, and that is why, when Nejima finally breaks the silence by asking

"You want to have some food brought to you?"

you shake your head decisively in response; the truth is you are starving, since the bread and cheese you ate yesterday were not enough to fill you up, but the pirates might decide to get rid of you adding a special ingredient to any food you could ask for, and since you would have no way, nor the time, to create an antidote for the poison, you have decided the safest thing to do is to go hungry… and sleepy, since you didn't sleep a wink last night, sure the pirates were just waiting for you to nod off to hit you in the head, throw you overboard and let the sea take care of you, since eating the Devil Fruit made you unable to swim. So you kept vigil, and considering that you had spent the previous night in the company of Axe and his whip, you haven't slept for… well, too long, that's for sure, and you are so tired you could simply close your eyes as you stand, and doze off in a matter of seconds.

But you won't. Shanks wouldn't let hunger and exhaustion make him lower his guard, which means you mustn't either; you wanted to be worthy of him, as your captain and lover both. After all, you are no longer the simple doctor of Foosha Village, but a member of the Red-Haired Pirates, and you have to behave accordingly.

You remain at the bow, alone, until finally the island appears in front of you, and that is why you order Nejima to have the men assemble on the deck, except for the few who need to remain at their stations to maneuver the ship, so that Shanks and the others will be able to keep them under control once the the two crews come into contact. You notice they all give you a wide berth, huddling together to avoid having to come within ten paces from you. You can't blame them: they have seen you kill their friends, brutally and mercilessly, a scene they will probably see in their nightmares for many years to come, and while they must know it is too late to get rid of you, since they will be before Shanks and his men in a matter of minutes, they know you have reason to hate them.

And you do. You really do, even if they were simply following orders and you had not even met most of them before a group of the most reckless attacked, hoping to overpower you with sheer numbers, and you were forced to defend yourself. You hate them for what they forced you to do, and for what they would have done once you were no longer of use to their captain. You hate all of them, and while that is not a pleasant feeling, you welcome it, because you are able to draw strength from it.

Shanks' entire crew (your entire crew; your mates, your friends, the men who over the last year have become your family) is waiting for you, observing Axe's ship, from which you had the Jolly Roger taken off to symbolize your capture of the vessel, at the abandoned pier you have been abducted from… two days ago, you realize, only two days have passed since you last saw your lover, saying goodbye to him with a kiss as he left to visit the man he planned on recruiting and expecting to see him again by nightfall. Those two days were undoubtedly the most painful and terrifying of your life, but you feel as if you had been away for weeks…

And then there is him; you would recognize him anywhere, even if the ship were not close enough by now to allow you to see him clearly, even if he were not standing alone at the head of his crew, as fitting for a captain, even if you could not see his red hair (as red as the sun at sunset; as red as blood) gently tossed by the wind, and that you have stroked and played with so many times.

It's him; your captain, your lover, your Shanks, whose very presence you feel in your heart, as if you were the two opposite poles of a magnet attracting each other. Once, as you lain in bed together in his cabin, your cheek on his shoulder and your lover's hand resting on your chest to feel your heartbeat, Shanks said you would always find each other, whatever distance or adversity had separated you, because each of you were a part of the other's soul, the two halves of a single whole, and no adverse fate would ever keep you apart. You joked that it was the rhum he had imbibed talking, or the fact that you had just made him climax so hard he had forgotten his own name - twice, but the truth is your heart was full of joy, and gratitude, and hope, because you knew he was speaking from his, and he really would move heaven and earth to be with you and keep you safe.

This is what you thought would happen, sooner or later, with Shanks being one of the most powerful pirates in the world and you still a neophyte; that he would have to defend you - which didn't mean you were content with being a burden to him and your crewmates, or didn't want to learn to defend yourself to fight alongside the others. Still, you would have never imagined you would be the one returning to him, having had to kill so many men to set yourself free, with Shanks waiting for you like the wife of a soldier back from the front; he probably didn't expect it either, but when you told him that you didn't need to be rescued and you would have your kidnappers bring you back to the island, he didn't protest, letting you decide what to do.

You loved him for it; and now you can't wait to be once more where you belong: by his side.

Your eyes meet while the ship reaches the pier, gently moving to approach the gangway protruding from the beach, and whatever pain and terror you may have suffered in the last two days, it is probably nothing compared to what your lover has gone through since he was informed of your disappearance, and that didn't diminish after you contacted him and assurred him you were all right. The joy and bittersweet relief in his warm eyes is so intense, Shanks seems for a moment about to cry; but as an experienced captain and pirate, he knows you are not safe yet - rather, this is in some respects the most dangerous moment of all, when the joy for your return may lead your crewmates to lower their guard, or Axe's pirates to attempt to escape and take you with them.

Nejima is once more behind you. "Lower the gangplank." you tell him, feeling extraordinarily foolish as you do, since the only orders you have ever given were of a medical nature and even those are routinely disregarded. Nonetheless, you are obeyed, and Shanks sends half his crew on the ship, to keep Axe's pirates at bay.

Most of your friends smile, wink, or pat you on the shoulder while they pass you by, and you greet them in kind, deeply happy to see them again.

"I had forgotten how insufferable he was when you were not around." Benn Beckman, Shanks' faithful and ever present first mate, mutters in your ear, making you laugh. You feel already much better, the simple presence of your crew around you comforting and reassuring: you are home once again, because they and him especially are your home, wherever in the vast sea your travels would bring you. Since you have joined the Red-Haired Pirates, you have forgotten what feeling lonely feels like, and you'll never cease being grateful for that.

"Believe me, I didn't leave by my own volition." you answer, turning serious.

"I know it, (name). Just…"

"Yeah."

Benn quickly takes command, sending the others to confiscate all weapons on board. You turn to look at Shanks, still waiting on the pier; he is not smiling, but you can see love and the almost uncontrollable desire to embrace you shining in his warm brown eyes - a desire you can easily recognize, because it's the same filling your heart.

Come here, he invites you with a brief gesture of his hand, and you are all too happy to obey. You turn to Nejima. "Come with me." you order, and the helmsman obediently follows you down the gangplank until you and your lover are finally, finally face to face, together once more, and for a moment nothing is wrong in the world.

"Captain." you respectfully greet him, and your lover nods.

"Doctor. Are you all right?"

"I have been better." you admit; you and Shanks have promised to never lie to each other, not even to spare each other pain and worry, and the signs of your abuse are evident on your face and body "But I'll live."

"Good. You are the first officer?" Shanks, whose eyes have moved on the man on your left, asks then, since you forgot to tell him the first officer was one of the men who attacked you last night.

"I am the helmsman, captain. The others have asked me to speak for them."

"I see. You know your situation is dire; you have kidnapped our doctor and abused her, and this is not a crime I can easily forgive."

Silence is the only answer he receives. Shanks sighs as he stares at him, his head tilted to one side, as he considers the man in front of him, his gaze not cruel but piercing.

"Your name?"

"Nejima, captain."

"What do you think your captain would do in my place, Nejima?"

The helmsman needs only a second to find an answer. "He would kill you all." he says evenly "The captain was not an easy man to serve under, but he considered each of his men as his brothers; the kidnapping of one of them was the sort of crime he would not forget."

"Hmmm..."

Shanks sighs; he is clearly torn, aware of the need to protect his men, and you, and loathe to commit unnecessary bloodshed. You have no idea what he will decide to do, but whatever it will be, you will support him, as his subordinate and lover, like you know he would support you.

"All right." he says in the end "Give me a minute."

He turns to you, gently inviting you to step away to talk in private.

"I missed you." he murmurs; surrounded as you both are by your crewmates and, more importantly, by Axe's pirates, he doesn't kiss or hug you, electing to simply rest his hand on your shoulder "I was afraid... But I shouldn't have, clearly. I know how strong you are."

The smile that blossoms on your lips is probably the bitterest of your life. "Had I not eaten the Fruit, by this time I would be fish food." you softly point out, before grimacing "I'm sorry I made you worry..."

"(name), we will have time to talk about everything later. You need to rest, now."

"I really do. But can you promise me you will wait until then before deciding what to do with them?"

Shanks nods, compassion clear on his face. "I promise. You want me to send someone to accompany you?"

You shake your head, since the Red Force is docked maybe a hundred paces behind you, and you are pretty sure you can walk to it without keeling over.

"I have missed you as well." you murmur; while you are not lying at all, those simple words are so little, a drop of water in the sea, compared to what you would like to say and do. You do need to rest, to sleep and to eat and to clean yourself, but you feel, no, you know that a single hug and kiss from Shanks would be enough to make all the pain and exhaustion disappear... "I... I was so afraid I would never see you again. There is nothing I wouldn't have done to return to you, no sin I wouldn't have committed, no carnage I wouldn't have carried out, but I was so afraid... I was so alone, and I kept telling myself this was not the end, not after we had waited so long to be together, but... I was hurting so much, Shanks..."

"Gods, (name)..."

Your lover's hand takes yours, delicately, to bring it to his lips, and you don't care if Axe's pirates are looking at you, you wouldn't care even if the whole world were, billions of strangers witnessing that intimate moment; he smiles at you, real and so close, and he feels like the sun after a century-long night.

"I'll be with you soon, I promise; and I won't take any decision without consulting you, since you are the offended party." he says "But please, now go rest; as a doctor, you must realize you need it."

You do, and so you let yourself enjoy the feeling of his warm hand holding yours for a moment more before taking a step back, and turn to set off towards the ship, still hurting but relieved to leave that nightmare behind you, if only temporarily.

The ship's empty corridors resonate with the muffled noise of your steps as you head to the infirmary (your little fief in Shank's kingdom, your lover likes to call it) without you fully realizing, almost as if obeying to muscle memory. Everything is like you left it: the two beds separated by screens, so as to ensure a little privacy to your patients; the shelves on the wall, with medicines and tools neatly arranged; a small chest with your personal belongings in a corner, a new dress you had bought the day before your kidnapping and that you planned to wear the next time you and your lover had some time for yourselves folded on the lid.

Being the only woman in the crew, and at the same time unwilling to give the impression you were receiving a special treatment from the captain because of that (or, worse, because you were sleeping with him) you asked his permission to sleep in the infirmary, which therefore also doubles as your personal cabin: this way you can keep watch on any patient who needs to be assisted during the night, and at the same time spare yourself and your crewmates the embarrassment to divide their space with someone who has a different anatomy. Until now, the arrangement has worked perfectly... and the others have been kind enough to never mention that the whole matter is a moot point, since you spend most of your nights in Shanks' bed in any case.

In the last year, that tiny room, and the ship in its entirety, have become as familiar as your home and practice in Foosha once were, so much that you could move around with your eyes closed and easily find your way; you feel at home here, surrounded by things you know and people who care for you, and you have been away for just two days, but nevertheless you feel a weird sense of... detachment, as if you had returned to your childhood home after decades of absence, or this were a place you had just briefly visited without lingering. It's still unreal; you are home, you know it, but somehow your heart hasn't fully grasped it... because you can't fully accept you have come back, or maybe because you had been so sure you never would.

Worse, you are still afraid, well aware that your lover and his men are more than capable of dealing with your kidnappers, and that in any case you have already demonstrated you can take care of yourself, but still frightened, irrationally sure an enemy could come anytime, from anywhere, as soon as you lower your guard. After all, Nejima only had to learn you were a doctor, wait for you to be alone, and tell you there was a patient who needed your help; clearly you still had much to learn about perceiving threats and dangers, which is an important skill for a pirate. What if it happens again? What if next time your captors are able to get the best of you, and use you to hurt your friends, and Shanks? What if he needs to come save you, and to defend you at the cost of his life...?

It won't happen. At least, it hasn't happened this time. Calm yourself, (name), you repeat yourself, with a voice that sounds surprisingly like that of your mother, as you finally begin getting comfortable in your room, you are at home. You are safe. Maybe you don't feel like it, but you are, and that is what really matters.

You remove your shoes, for a moment torn between the desire to get rid of your torn, dirty clothes, and the exhaustion that makes washing yourself in the basin of clean water next to the bed, taking clothes out of your chest and putting them on, an insurmountable task. Gods, you must have never smelt so bad in your life...

In the end, you simply wash the filth and sweat (but not blood; there is not a single drop of blood marrying your skin and clothes, nor yours nor of your victims) from your face and hands, pass a comb in your hair to try and give them some semblance of order, and check your shoulder wound, happy to see it free from infection. Then, you take a blanket from the chest; it is perhaps too much for the day, warm with the promise of an oncoming summer, but you are cold, so cold you are even shaking, and suddenly you are thinking back to when you were still a young girl, and your favourite quilt was the only thing that could protect you from the monsters hiding in the dark corners of your room...

The windows are closed, as well as the door. You drape the blanket over yourself as you lie in a foetal position on the bed on the right, the one you usually occupy unless you have two patients to take care of - or are happily sleeping in the embrace of your lover. You sigh, close your eyes, and do what you had ordered yourself to never do as long as you remained on Axe's ship, and that you have always tried to also hide from Shanks, in the rare occasions you felt the need to, so as not to worry him.

You cry. Out of relief, pain, regret, and to simply release all the stress and fear you accumulated in the last two days and that, now that you give yourself permission to stop being strong and simply feel, pour out of you like the tide released from a dam. It starts with a shy, almost inaudible whimpering, a few tears you quickly dry with the hem of your blanket, before realizing that no one can hear you, since you are alone on the ship, and you better get this out of you before Shanks sees and feels even more unnecessarily guilty than he already does. And so you cry, sobbing and wailing and shedding bitter tears that never stop coming, no matter how already soaked your pillow is; you cry until you can't cry anymore, because you are still scared, and hurt, and because you did it in self-defense, and Axe and his men had it coming, since they had kidnapped and were going to hurt you, they weren't even your first victims since you had taken to the sea, but... but...

You don't remember your tears stopping; you don't remember falling asleep either. Still, you do both, and in the end, when Shanks joins you in the infirmary, he finds you dead to the world, your chest still heaving with sobs, curled up with a dagger you retrieved from inside your chest hidden under your pillow.

*****

The ordeal you have gone through is the sort you expected to have nightmares about for months (at least, a still unexperienced pirate like you would; a veteran like Shanks would probably leave it behind him in a matter of days, but for you, alas, things are different), screaming as you wake up with the image of Axe brandishing his whip, or of the blood-covered bodies of his men lying at your feet, still vivid in front of you.

Instead, at least for today, your awakening is tranquil, the voices of your crewmates once again populating the ship reaching you through the thin walls of the room; you mumble to yourself as you turn to one side, vaguely trying to perceive what time it is, and whether you are waking up from a short nap or a night of uninterrupted sleep, when suddenly you realize you are not alone in the infirmary.

"So, apparently the best way to make a patient sleep and soothe his pain before surgery is to administer laudanum." Shanks considers, one of your medicine books in his hand as he deftly uses his thumb to turn the page "I've only seen use rhum. A poor devil on my old captain's ship had to have his left leg amputated, he drank every drop the cook had in the galley..."

"We used neither for you." you consider, thinking back at the terrible day Shanks lost his arm to defend Luffy from the Sea King; by the time you reached him, there was no longer need for pain medication, only to clean the wound and hope it hadn't gotten infected already. That was the day the two of you officially began your relationship, but you still can't think back to it with pleasure, because of the loss and the pain your lover had to bear.

"We didn't. Just my luck, I could have drunk as much as I wanted without anyone telling me off..."

You could point out that Shanks has always drunk as much as he wanted, without anyone ever trying to stop him, since he's an adult and his men enjoy rhum and beer as much as he does, but you don't, content with observing the man sitting at your bedside, an ankle resting on his opposite knee in a position only he could find comfortable, his warm brown eyes full of love.

"How long have you been here?" you ask in the end, sitting on the bed and pushing your dagger away; Shanks' presence is enough to make you feel safe.

"Not long. Feeling better?"

You do, surprisingly, and you happily accept the plate of food Shanks has left on the bedside table. He smiles as he sees you eat voraciously, lightly caressing your leg after lifting your ankle on his knee, and for a minute everything you need to do and talk about is forgotten, and nothing in the world matters except for the two of you being together.

For a minute.

"We need to decide what to do with Axe's pirates." you point out in the end, aware there's no point ignoring the most important topic you and your lover need to discuss. He nods, turning serious.

"Killing them all would be a show of strenght and ensure other pirates know they can't attack us without suffering the consequences. It would protect us, and you especially."

"I know."

"But you don't want them to die."

"I don't." you admit, and a sad smile appears on your lips "I know, not very pirate-like."

Your lover gently points out he would never scold you for the desire to be merciful, which is one of the many things he loves about you; on the other hand, pirates have their own laws, no one would ever blame you for demanding justice, and Nejima himself told you Axe would show no mercy, if the roles were reversed.

"The one I should want revenge against is Axe imself." you tell him as you eat voraciously; you have been taught it is bad manners to stuff your face, to carry out a conversation while you do it even more, but given the circumstances you think you can dispense with formalities "And I killed him already. His men were only obeying orders."

"His men were also very faithful to their captain, and may desire to avenge him, no matter how... how terrified they are of you."

He is clearly reluctant to utter those last few words, that hurt nonetheless; many pirates would be proud to know they have striken such terror in their victims they might decide to forgo honor and sense of duty, but you aren't - not yet, at least. Shanks looks at you, sighs, and as soon as you have put the now empty plate away, he takes your hand in his.

"I know it's not an easy decision to make, even for someone who is not a doctor, or who has lived as a pirate longer than you have." he says gently, and having someone perceive your thoughts and emotions with such clarity, as easily as with the book he was reading a moment ago, would be terrifying, almost a defilement, were the man doing it not the one you have given your heart to, and who has given you his "I don' like it either."

"But you have done it already, with other pirate crews you have fought."

"I have. I had to."

You sigh. "Can't we... feel free to laugh if you want... surrender them to the Marines?" you ask after a pause "Axe was a pretty notorious pirate..."

"But most of his men aren't; there are maybe four men with a bounty on their head in the entire crew, including the navigator. Think about it, (name); if the Marines were to arrest every single man in every crew they capture, their prisons would be full. Most of them would go free in a day or so."

Part of you wants to point out that if the rest of Axe's men are so harmless, there is no real danger in leaving them free, but your lover is right. Not only is the idea of consigning your fellow pirates to the World Government risible, but making sure they cannot hurt you and your crew anymore is only half the goal. Red-Haired Shanks is a feared pirate, and he needs to remain so; sometimes, even a merciful man like him, known for avoiding unnecessary bloodshed and not harming civilians, needs to be cruel... and so does whoever follows him.

"All right. Let's do it." you decide in the end "They have to pay."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes. It is the right thing to do, even if I don't like it."

"I agree."

Your lover stands with a sigh; he bends to kiss you on the forehead. "I'll give the order; you can rest for a little more if you want."

"I think I can manage; what I need now is things to return to normal, and I do want to get back to work." you answer as you stand, but your determination lasts only a moment "... Shanks?"

"Yes?"

"Are... are the others afraid of me? Now that I can do... that."

"Oh, (name)..."

He smiles, his warm hand resting on your cheek. "No one is afraid of you; no one who actually knows you ever could be." he assures you; his voice is soothing, as if he were trying to calm a skittish colt "Rather, they were afraid something terrible had happened to you, and were happy to see you safe and sound."

You tell him you are also happy to be among your friends once again, but the fact remains that you are now the only member of his crew who ate a Devil Fruit, and who now possesses powers that could be used to hurt whoever is close to you.

"And you plan on doing that?"

"Obviously not!" you exclaim, frustrated; why is he not taking it seriously? "I never would. But now I... I am dangerous, even more than many other Devil Fruit users, and I don't want my friends to fear me..."

"Anyone on this ship is dangerous. Otherwise we wouldn't have survived until now on the Grand Line. Don't take it the wrong way, but if I were to be afraid of someone here on the ship, you would be one of my last choices."

You are not really sure how to interpret those words, whether to feel relieved or insulted; but you know Shanks is trying to comfort you, and you trust he wouldn't lie to you to do it. Still...

"And you're not afraid either?" you ask again; you hate how needy, how fragile, your voice sounds, and you know that your lover's feelings for you are deep and strong enough to withstand any difficulty and problem, but this is still all so new for you, and you can't help needing to be comforted.

"Why should I?" Shanks asks back, sincerely surprised by your question; then he smiles, lifting your hand with his to kiss the back of it. "I am used to danger, as well. Also, I know what sort of person you are, and if we ever were to fight for some reason, I trust we would discuss about it like reasonable adults, and you wouldn't make me bleed out like a pig in a slaughterhouse to punish me."

"Gods, no!"

"I was kidding, (name). Believe me, you have nothing to fear. I know what we share; and nothing in the world will ever make me fear you, whatever power of ability you develop."

Finally, you smile - truly, this time, completely unaware of how breathtaking you are in his eyes when you do it, your heart full of gratitude and relief, feeling as if you were falling in love with him again after a whole year... and eleven.

"Feeling better?"

"Very. May I have a kiss now, captain?"

"If you really insist, doctor..."

Shanks generously fulfills your request, and smiles when you rest your forehead on his shoulder, quietly enjoying his presence in the chaste intimacy of your room, and at the same time aware you have still work to do, and it won't be pleasant.

"We need to do it soon, right?" you sigh without opening your eyes, as if trying to keep hold of a dream when the light of sunrise is creeping in "This is not the sort of thing you can put off until tomorrow."

"I'm afraid so."

"Just a minute more?"

Shanks' arm circles your waist. "Just a minute more." he agrees, and his red hair brush against your cheeks as he rests his chin on your head.

*****

The sentence is carried out at midday, on the beach whose sand is soon turned red by the blood flowing like a river. Even though they have been ordered to hand over their weapons, some of Axe's pirates try to escape, either slipping away behind the backs of their crewmates or rebelling as they are forced to their knees; they are quickly brought back and put to the front of the line. A few are openly terrified, stumbling as they walk, crying softly or praying under their breath; many keep their head high, defiant and proud until the last moment. None asks for mercy as Shanks' closest companions move among them and use a dagger to cut their throats.

Shanks observes the scene surrounded by his men, his expression sombre but impassive, while you have asked to be among the executioners; you are deliberately avoiding using your powers (also, you are not yet sure you would be able to in a non-threatening situation) and the shirt you have put on to replace the one Axe's whip has reduced to shreds is already stained with splashes of red drops. As you deal the death blow to your third victim, looking at his throat from the side, a few of those fall on your cheek; you clean yourself with your fingers, and then absentmindedly lick them.

Nejima is the first to go; he looks in front of him, aware of and ignoring all the eyes on him, including yours, while he obediently tilts his head back to allow Benn to open his jugular vein with a knife and quicken the bleed-out. When Shanks told him they would be put to death, the man did not argue, having probably realized begging and promising would not save their lives, and only asked your captain to set their ship on fire with the bodies of all the crew inside, as is customary for pirate group funerals.

You don't feel pity for him, not even a little, even though you wish you didn't have his blood (the blood of all of them, sixty-eight men dead because of you, directly or otherwise) on your hands; still, you can't help admiring the calmness and self-composure the navigator is displaying as he faces his end. Who knows if you would be able to be equally brave in his place, you wonder as you clean your dagger from the blood, having been so focused on the men you were killing you didn't think of counting them; somehow you doubt it, unless Shanks were next to you or you had lost him already. In that case, death would be a sweet relief, even if you don't know what awaits you all on the other side...

The atmosphere is tense but solemn, Shanks' pirates keeping an hand on the butt of a gun or the handle of a sword in case some of their victims attempt a last, desperate dash for liberty, but there is no mocking the victims, no jeering, no desecrating the corpses. They are not that sort of men, and your captain wouldn't allow it either. In the end, when dozens of men (some with hair turned grey by age, a few barely past boyhood) lie on the sand in front of you, Shanks orders them to be carried to their ship, its hold emptied of all treasures and riches that are now part of your crew's loot. The vessel is then pushed offshore, and its sails and hull set fire to with blazing arrows.

The sun has just begun its slow descent towards the horizon as you observe the small bonfire silhouetted against the sky. "You can smell the flesh burning from here." you whisper, standing close enough to Shanks your hand brushes against his; your lover frowns for a moment, but he keeps silent, and his fingers find yours to interwine with.

"Have you convinced him?" you ask him a while later, as you walk along the beach, having left everything and everyone behind you, at least for a few minutes "The man you wanted to recruit. Is he joining us?"

Your lover blinks, as if momentarily unsure of what you are talking about. "Oh! No, unfortunately no. He is raising a family now, he says his pirate days are definitely over."

"What a pity..."

Shanks sighs; he is still holding your hand, clearly reluctanto to let it go. "If it weren't for that, nothing would have happened to you." he reasons, his voice raising so little above a whisper the noise of the backwash almost covers it "I would have been there to protect you."

"It is not your fault; I was asked to assist a man who had gotten hurt, I wouldn't have let you forbid me from going."

"No, but I would have stopped you from going alone; and then you wouldn't have been kidnapped."

"True. But then again, I should have realized it could be a trap; I have myself to blame, and myself alone." you gently point out "Thank the Gods I'm all right, and from now on I'll be more careful, I promise."

Another sigh; clearly your lover is not convinced, or at least he cannot leave the whole matter (everything you went through, the fear you both felt you wouldn't survive) behind him anymore than you do. In the end he stops, putting an end to the lines of footprints following you.

"I could have lost you." he murmurs, his hand already caressing your cheek "I... I can barely stand thinking about it. What would I have done without you?"

"Shanks..."

"I love you so much. I... I can't even explain it. I have known it since before we said goodbye in Foosha, and in ten years we have spent apart what I felt never wavered, but now... now that I can see you every day, and sleep holding you close and hold your hand and share my food with you and kiss you every time I want, it is as if I... I had developed an addiction. I can't live without you. I'm so sorry I couldn't protect you; you know I would give my life for..."

"Ssh..."

You gently press a finger to his lips, hating to see the man you love blaming himself. You know he can't help it: he loves you, and as your captain, you are under his protection. On the other hand, you are an adult woman who was aware of the risks when she decided to join his crew, and you need to learn to take care of yourself, as you effectively did. And should it happen again (and it will, no doubt, since there are many less dangerous lines of work than piracy)... you'll worry about it when the time comes.

"I am fine, and I am here with you." you remind him as your arms circle his shoulders, pressing your bodies together "And I love you too so, so much. My beloved captain... I would have killed all of them if it meant returning to you."

"I'm sorry you had to do this."

"Stop blaming yourself for things beyond your control; I did what I had to in order to survive, and I'll never regret it."

He smiles; and then he kisses you. "So you ate the Fruit." he points out. Shanks was the first person you talked to after finding the fruit, and he had advised you to think carefully about what to do with it, hether to sell or use it, since once you had taken a single bite from it, the effects (both the loss of the ability to swim, and whatever power it would grant you) would be irreversible. You did carefully reflect on it... and on the night before your kidnapping, you did eat it. "Was it bad? They say they taste bad, Luffy's did."

"It tasted horrible; like burnt gum. But since it gave me the power to subdue Axe's pirates and come back to you, it was a small price to pay. And from now on, I'll fight with you all: I doubt I'll ever be a great swordsman or combatant, no matter how much I train, but with these powers I won't have to remain back at the ship or hide in the galley every time you and the others fight. I can stand with the others, help, instead of being a burden and having to be protected."

"You're our doctor; your role is too important for you to put your life in danger."

"I know. But I want to do more than suture wounds or brace broken bones. I am one of you, Shanks; I want to pull my own weight, in the infirmary and outside. And who knows." you add with a new smile "Maybe one day I will save your life, like you saved mine twice already."

Your lover smiles, and says that as long as you watch out for yourself first, he has nothing to object to. He holds you against him, close enough to make you feel the beat of his heart, close enough to kiss you, which he does, again and again, until you can no longer remember where he ends and you begin. "Please." he whispers "Never leave my sight again."

"I won't."

[jutdwae-archives]

Bsf!SKZ Members when they take care of you while you're sick (Maknae Line)

pairings: bsf!maknae line x gn!reader

genre: fluff fluff fluff/comfort

word count: 649

mentions: being sick (coughing, sneezing), mentions of implied throwing up in I.N's section (please lmk if i've missed anything!)

hyung line ver. | maknae line ver.

this art of fiction is not meant to portray the members in real life.

Han:

idc what you say, he will definitely make you as a blanket burrito

i just get those vibes from him

you guys would be playing nintendo and would bet who becomes a blanket burrito

he won so that's how you ended up as one

but then he'd hear a sneeze and a groan from you

one look and he rushes to your side to check your temperature

you feel cold but to him you feel hot... keeps you in the blanket burrito tho

brings you a cold washcloth to place on your forehead to calm down the fever and gives you some medicine

when it's time to eat he orders some comfort food by order i mean got lee know to make it and act as uber delivery

how you found out was when han slipped out "leeknow hyung makes the best comfort food"

big eyes and stuffed cheeks as you heard that

gave him a slight smack on the shoulder to reprimand him for asking lee know to make the food

by night he carries you up to your room and offers cuddles and studio ghilbi movies to watch

probably started singing a lullaby to push you over the edge to fall asleep

you both fall asleep watching the movie due to your previous activites letting it run in the background

you guys wake up to another movie you both like but at the sad part..

lets just say it was an emotional morning

Felix:

the definition of sunshine

this man as soon as he finds out you're sick

he's baking some desserts, aromas of brownies and cookies filling the air

he'd also bring you some food to soothe the itchiness of your throat

would have searched up 'what are ways to get rid of sickness'

as he'd be baking he would chop up some onions to put in your room (if your filipino you'd know the reasoning behind this)

would quite literally come to check up on you every 5 mins

give you medicine and same with han would have a cold washcloth on your forehead to calm you down

he finds you sleeping the next time he checks up on you

so he goes to play LoL (we all know what happens when felix plays LoL)

you wake up after hearing felix shout

"Lixxxxx, it's just a gamee"

apologises that he woke you up but then goes on a tangent about how it's not just a game

would also provide amazing cuddles like chan

WOULD SING YOU TO SLEEP

this man has such a soothing voice like han's

i swear the aussie line should be named the cuddle line atp

Seungmin:

ngl it's so hard to read seungmo and how he would take care of you

i feel like it'd be another case of lee know caring for you

he would give you the basic treatment tho

food, medicine, rest, check ups

probably drag you out of your room to get some vitamin D

and for him to practice his baseball techniques

would try and cook you pancakes

we all know what happened in that ep of puppycat school 😭

but yeah i can't make out seungmin AT ALL - i apologise 😔

I.N

i can't read i.n either 😭

he'd also give the basic treatment

i feel like he'd be the type to hold your hair back if you throw up

maybe take you out on a walk to get vitamin D

only for you to become his personal photographer

gotta get pics for the gram yk

but for your efforts as you kept sneezing and coughing he would treat you to some street 어묵국 (fish cake soup)

would perform 'hug me' on the piano for you

that leads you to want cuddles from him

he'll decline but come around and let you cuddle him as he just lays there like a stick 😭

A/N: heyyyy!! so i finally finished the maknae line.. i wasn't expecting to post it today but i had nothing else to do so yeah

hope you like this little drabble my friend gave me the idea to write this

!please reblog just to support me in my future works :)!

[harrison-abbott]

Gigi and Ron

Gigi and Ron. All they did was sleep, eat junk food and go to work. The workplace was how I met them. I met Gigi first. Nice girl. Dyed hair, chirpy. Then I met Ron: also a pleasant chap, friendly. I needed a place to stay for the summer, because my lease was cut for two months. So Gigi said, one night, when we were out drinking, “You can stay at mine if you like?” At this point, Gigi and Ron had just started going out. So they were in that initial throng of loving each other. And I saw what they were like first hand, for eight weeks. They were either sleeping in their bedroom or eating ice cream or they were in the bar working the rough shifts.

At this stage, I was heavy into music. Would always be working on songs. I did the shifts at the bar, too: but, it was mindless labour; what I really cared about was music. And Ron was a guitar player. So I got jamming with him – when he was doing something other than his trio of interests. He would say things like, “Yeah, let’s do that gig in town!” Or, “Aye! That was a good jam session: we should make an E.P.” And we would play the music together. Then he wouldn’t come to the gig. With some shoddy excuse. Or, if he did come to the gig, he would leave the stage in various stages because he hadn’t bothered to learn the material. Or would turn up with red eyes because he was mucked on marijuana.

Gigi wasn’t really interested in anything apart from sleeping with Ron. Oh, and the calorific food. That was about it. I was surprised how they could live on barely anything save sugary snacks. Cookies, doughnuts, or those gnarly meat items from the bakery. Didn’t get it.

Then Ron got Gigi pregnant. She had a baby in her for four months, and, despite throwing up in the mornings for most of those months, she didn’t know she was pregnant, until she went to the doctor for poor health, and they told her. Gigi and Ron very quickly decided to give the baby up for adoption. Because they couldn’t imagine raising a kid.

By this time I was living in another part of the city. Still writing music, and studying at university. And for some reason, I kept faith in Ron. Even though he didn’t turn up for practise. He didn’t bring any creativity to the meetings. Plans would be annexed. He would arrive at the event forty minutes late, because he was out walking with Gigi. And then Gigi got all moody and irritable, because she had to carry this baby around that she didn’t intend on keeping.

They had the kid, and gave it to another man and woman the very same day, and then they had to go back to the flat. Where I met them to see how they were doing. Ron smoked marijuana in the kitchen; Gigi sullenly lay in her bed.

Then they moved south to another city to ‘start a new life’. I went down to visit them after six months or so. Gigi and Ron were both on antidepressants. Gigi didn’t want to come out for a drink. So I went out with Ron instead. And, for the entirety of the night, he slated my music. In a totally crude way. “You’re shit at piano.” I had done some other recordings with other people earlier in the year. Ron said to me, “Those tracks could have been done better.” And so on and so forth. And I checked him and asked him why he was being mean. He shrugged, kept a morose face. Oddly, and, again: I naively kept in touch with him after that night. Kept being friends with him. And there was no apology from him whatsoever for his insults that evening. Eventually, Ron left Gigi and moved back up north. And I barely hear from them these days. About two and a half years back I went up north to try and work with Ron again. He hadn’t changed from when I knew him when he was 21. And he was 28 now. He still turned up half an hour late to the recording session, because he was walking with this new girl he was dating. And he still smoked. Then he lost his temper the next day and said these aggressive things. So I just thought, “There’s no point in working with this boy anymore.” And I left.

These days, Ron invites me up to make music again. But I highly doubt he’s changed. I’ve wasted so much time with him in the past that there is no point in wasting more. I don’t have to say that to him; but that’s the way it is.

And, as for Gigi? Haven’t heard from her in over six years. Nothing. That’s self explanatory.

[forever-eternal]

You sent in two, so they’ll all be here!!

🔴 (Angsty/Sad)

Colorado’s one of the few States that gets attached to humans. He sticks by those he sees as friends for decades, always around to see them age and eventually die. The end for all mortal creatures, but it still hurts.

Colorado’s biggest fear is those he loves dying, and seeing so many of his friends— mortal human friends, people he knew would die long before him— pass upsets him more than it would other States, States who get used to people they know dying. States who can grieve for a day or so and move on.

Every time, he goes back to Mom and Dad’s house, he stays there for days. He brings his dogs, because he knows they’ll leave him too, one day, and wants to spend as much time as he can with them.

At Mom and Dad’s house, there are no expectations. He doesn’t have to work, can just curl up in his childhood bedroom and grieve. If it hurts too much, he’ll even lock his Mom and Dad out of the room. They won’t force themselves in. Just remind him to eat, and leave food at the door. They don’t quite understand, they’ve never really cared about humans, but they do their best to comfort him.

Sometimes, he and his human friends will grow apart before it gets to that point, but they still pass away all too soon. It still hurts, but it’s not as bad.

It hurts more when he looses a pet.

He’ll grieve pets for years, has kept all their collars and favorite toys, even when he eventually finds another stray and takes them in.

...He has a lot of pictures, all the way back to when he was a child himself, playing in the streets with the human children while his Mom was in the markets. He has hundreds of photo albums full of friends and pets, and they all have one thing in common...

They’re all someone he lost.

🌑 (Sleep)

When he was younger, he slept horribly. Always too hot or too cold. It was always too loud or too quiet. Definitely one of those babies that kept his parents up for hours before they finally figured out how to get him to sleep.

Thinner shirts, thinner blankets, but combined they were warm enough to keep him from getting sick. A quiet music box he still has to this day, and even used with his own Cities.

As he got older he grew out of his pickiness with sleeping conditions, and can pretty much sleep wherever. He can’t nap though, he just can’t sleep during the day.

The marijuana definitely helps, though.

👔 (Clothes)

Very much a black cargo pants man. He loves the pockets. Perfect for holding everything the local weed dealer needs…not that he’s a dealer (Don’t tell Mom or Dad—).

Hiking boots, he may love to ski and snowboard, but he loves to hike in the warmer months— he’s often invited to join Oregon and Washington with his dogs.

Puffer vest, one with a hood. I love vests and he seems like the type. It’s his State flag colors and the funky little ‘C’ and circle they have. I love it, it such a weird (affectionate) flag to me.

In colder months, he’ll wear a white sweater, a thicker black beanie, and his ski goggles.

In the warmer months, he’ll wear a white t-shirt underneath the vest. He also has one of those thinner beanies made for summer, also black. In place of his goggles, he’ll have those sporty sunglasses.

He also has a silver chain necklace, and all his cities have a matching one. He also wears a watch to keep track of time, he’s very time blind— probably made worse by the marijuana. It’s an older model of watch, he gets a new one every few decades. But the first one he ever got was his Dad’s old watch, and he keeps that old thing in a drawer of his desk.

(Gov has tried to get him to throw the old watch out; “Joshua, it doesn’t even work anymore. It’s taking up space.” “I don’t care.”, he’s very sentimental)

🏡 (Home)

All the States have several homes throughout, usually apartments in major cities and homes in suburbs.

Then they have their Main House, usually wayy bigger than the others (most being manors) somewhere in their State.

Colorado has a rustic-style, manor-ish (not as big as a manor but close) home in the mountains, pretty far away from other people.

He likes humans, more than he probably should, but he likes having the big open space-- his doggos love it too. It’s perfect for when all his kids come visit, enough space for them all to have their own thing, yet close enough for them to be meshed together. He can’t have them all over at once, unless some want to share beds, sleep on couches, and camp in the yard.

There are plenty of natural trails he likes to take around, and its just a pop away from anything else!

🟣 (Romantic/Sexual/Shippy)

Panromantic Demisexual, not currently in a relationship.

He’s not really looking for a romantic relationship right now, but if it happens naturally...

🍜 (Food)

He’s a stoner. He’s got the munchies. He will eat pretty much anything edible thats placed in front of him.

But if Mom or Dad makes cinnamon rolls...he has to be held back from eating all of them. Like, literally restrained.

It’s ONLY if Mom or Dad makes them. He will not do it with anyone elses cinnamon rolls.

It’s not that strange, we’re pretty sure everything Gov and Assistant make is laced with something...the lab results have shown nothing weird, but we can’t be too sure. It might be magic.

🧵 (Hobbies)

Skiing, snowboarding, rock climbing...of course, those are expected. He will try everything outdoorsy once! Its fun for him and his dogs, and his kids often join him.

He also has a synthesizer and plays grand piano, though he usually only does the grand piano at Mom and Dad’s house. He also has a portable beatmaker. He likes the flashy buttons.

He does yoga and other exercises, and likes jigsaws.

Mom taught him to crochet, and he often does it when he’s stressed.

Most States know how to sew, Mom and Dad taught them so they could fix their own clothes if needed, but Colorado is one of few that wanted to crochet too.

[hozaloza]

Ryan Angst Oneshot (TW!! Eating Disorder?, Vomit)

🛑TW- Vomit, eating disorder

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Ryan stared at the food, grimacing at it before he pushed it away. He sighed as he got up from the table, picking up the plate full of food, then throwing it in the trash. His stomach growled, but he felt repulsed by the thought of food. Just thinking about the weight he could gain from it put a knot in his throat. So, he apt to drinking more water, then forced himself to bed.

His stomach pained him all night. He could barely sleep at all. But it was definitely better than getting fatter. 'Can't make fun of my weight now...' he thought, turning to his side. Ryan groaned as he curled up into a ball, holding his stomach. It was so unbearable, so painful... but he wasn't giving up yet. 'Just a few more pounds...' is all that ran through his head, over and over again.

...

The next morning, the raven-haired boy got up groggily, rubbing his eyes. He felt completely worn out, but he had to get ready for school. Hesitantly, he got out of his bed, walking to the bathroom. He took a shower, brushed his teeth, got changed, then got his bookbag, walking out the door. 

"Hey Ry-Ry! Woah, you look like a mess! Didn't get any sleep last night?" Thomas asked, clutching his bag strap as he began walking with him. Ryan stayed silent for a moment, thinking up an excuse. 

"Yeah... I was up finishing some homework." He lied. Thomas chuckled, then went on about how he could've just asked him for the answers. Eventually, Jasmine caught up to them.

"What's up idiots! How are my favorite knuckleheads doing??" She asked, wrapping her arms around the both of them. Ryan didn't react much, sighing annoyingly at the annoyance. But he took notice of Thomas's face turning red, chuckling nervously at the loud-mouthed girl. "I brought y'all some snacks, hope you guys enjoy it!" She stated, handing them both donut balls. 

"Yoo! Thank you so much! I love these." Thomas happily said, immediately eating one of his. However, Ryan stared at the small bag, not wanting to eat it. 'I'll gain weight...' he thought. The raven-haired boy handed the bag back to Jasmine, forcing a smile.

"Thanks, but I had a big breakfast." He stated. Jasmine gazed at him for a moment, possibly looking past his lie, but regardless, she shrugged, swinging her bookbag off to shove the donuts into her bag. 

"Alright, if you insist."

...

 As the group chatted at lunch, Ryan couldn't help but feel extremely worn out. It was only 4th period, and he was ready to die. His friends kept asking if he was sure he didn't want to eat, and he kept saying he wasn't hungry. But he was, he very was. The pain and growling really gave it away. It had been like this for a week now, and so far he lost 5 pounds. It may have been good for other people, but to Ryan, it was barely anything. How could he only lose 5 pounds? Maybe he had to exercise too...? Yes. That was what he needed. So, when he got home from school, he immediately began working out. His body was weak, but that wasn't stopping him. He had to lose this fat, he had to... 

Another 5 days passed, and he now had lost a total of 13 pounds. Yet his appearance barely changed. He still had stomach fat, and Ryan began to get frustrated with himself. Once while his parents were away, he kept beating himself up, a punishment. 

"You. fucking. fat. bitch!" He yelled, hitting himself with a belt. Ryan screamed, throwing the belt across the room. Panting heavily, he walked back to the bathroom, hovering over the toilet. Ryan began gagging, making an effort to throw up. After 5 minutes, he finally managed to puke something up. He felt nauseous. His body felt tired. His bones were weak, no longer wanting to hold himself up. Ryan slowly got up, walking towards his bed. He immediately fell down on the pillow, softly crying himself to slumber. 

Tired.

He was tired.

He just wanted to eat.

But he couldn't.

Because all food was disgusting. 

...

He was disgusting.

-----------------

I posted this on Wattpad as well.

Sorry if the eating disorder isn't accurate in this. I'm not very knowledgeable about this topic, that's why I put the question mark next to it)

Also, I'm currently obsessing over Ryan rn, and I have this weird thing where I make my favorites suffer,,, uh.

Hope you liked this angst.

[railynandjam]

EARLY CHILDHOOD

Zike was a whirlwind of curiosity, a child whose endless stream of questions seemed to fuel his cheerful spirit. No matter the time of day, his lively chatter filled every corner of the room, his words bouncing from one subject to another faster than anyone could keep up. One thing was certain: Zike had very particular tastes when it came to food. His parents tried to keep his meals healthy and balanced by feeding him a variety of dishes, but he was too picky. He loves ham and chicken, and though his plate might be full of vibrant vegetables, he’d only pick at the ones he liked. Broccoli might get a nibble; carrots a quick poke before they were pushed to the side. Soft drinks were forbidden, and Zike's parents strictly offered only water and juice to quench his thirst. They also made sure he took his vitamins every day, hoping it would fill in the gaps from his selective eating habits. Zike, being as vocal as he was, never hesitated to announce when he was hungry. "I'm hungry", looking expectantly at whoever was closest. At home, Zike’s days followed a predictable rhythm. When his parents were away, he would spend his mornings playing with his tablet, zooming toy cars across the screen in a flurry of digital races. By the afternoon, he would eagerly head outside to play with his friends. Zion, Dodong, Liam, Rafa, Dai², and Matt made up his lively circle, and their favorite game was always the same, tag. All that running meant Zike started to slim down a bit, his small body shedding the baby fat, however his height kept shooting up. Despite his boundless energy, Zike doesn’t like chores. Whenever his parents asked him to help out, he would either ignore them or start talking about something entirely unrelated—usually about his latest game of tag or a new drawing he wanted to make. His mind was always elsewhere, buzzing with ideas and play. When night came, Zike had his own bedtime ritual. He needed his mother to scratch his back gently to help him fall asleep. On nights when his mom was away, it was harder for him to drift off. He would toss and turn, his tiny body restless without that familiar comfort, and he eventually found sleep. He usually woke up around 8 AM, bright-eyed and ready to tackle the new day. Whenever his parents had to go on trips, his mother would sit him down and explain why they had to leave. Zike was a smart young boy, he understood why they need to leave. As long as she told him in a way that made sense, Zike wouldn’t cry when they left. He was brave that, and it made his mother proud. School, however, was a different story. At first, he would cry every morning when his mother dropped him off, his big eyes welling up with tears the moment she waved goodbye. But when he was transferred to the same school as his older brother, the tears gradually stopped. He felt safer there, knowing his brother was nearby. Zike’s school days were filled with drawing and coloring, his favorite activities. Though he still struggled with counting numbers, he was getting the hang of identifying colors and holding a pencil properly. Every day, he made a little progress, his tiny hands becoming more skilled with each attempt at writing. There was one event Zike looked forward to more than anything: his birthday. The anticipation of it filled him with excitement all year long. Cakes, candles, presents, and the attention of everyone around him—it was his favorite time of the year. Despite his boundless energy and his stubborn pickiness, Zike was a sweet and affectionate boy. He was quick to tell his parents that he loved them, often throwing his arms around their necks and planting sloppy kisses on their cheeks. His caregiver, who spent a lot of time watching over him, saw these little moments and knew just how special he was.“He's a handful,” she would say, “but he’s a careful, loving child.” And indeed, Zike's heart was as big as his curiosity, and his love for life—and for those around him—was just as boundless as his imagination.

[marijkeoo]

my friend tried to kill herself and we crack jokes in the hospital room about the causes and effects and i love her but goddamn was it hard to stay awake i thought i was going to throw up after that spicy marg but i didnt and she kept drinking and now its all gone ive fallen off the horse but im still running beside it and i hope that i can get a second to breathe soon i couldnt recognize myself in the mirror on monday and i got up anyways and went to class i think i might have some kind of weird relationship with food but ive been eating scones with soft butter even though its so expensive and ive been healing i think my sister is still so incredibly stupid but at least i dont have to hear about it all the time and get unreasonably upset about the fact that we dont talk anymore and nothing ever changes but nothing stays the same my friend from back home is ghosting me even though we live a mere 10 minute bus ride away and it hurts i think even though i dont really think about her much my roommate is going back to toronto and might drop out but ive done it too and i think that everything will all work out itll all work out itll all work out itll all work out my parents are coming in two days and i wont tell them i want to sleep and im so aimless but i will say that i love the city and i love living here and im grateful every day for my life even if i wake up at 1pm after getting home at 6 and i miss my classes and its not even that i learn anything i just love a ritual and i was going to go get a job today but i think it has to wait another little bit and i have work to do but i think maybe its ok to eat some tinned fish and let my hair dry i never used to shower in the morning but now i dont always shower at night i want to be like the elif batuman character and go for runs and pretend everything is fine and study linguistics but then discover nothing can explain our little chatty quirks and give it up and study something so much better i.e. philosophy but i skipped the linguistics part and went straightt into this degree that i think i love but also i didnt really have a choice i need to pay for school next semester but i cant figure out how to believe that i can get money somehow i dont think ill ever be famous but maybe people can know me a little bit i have to be on the radio hosting a show soon but i cant force myself to want to actually forcing myself to do anything nowadays is so fucking hard but ive never had a mental illness and i think im too dutch to linger on myself too much i have this thing that i say all the time to my friends and i repeat it to myself it the mirror "you think too much about yourself" and i havent cried in six to eight months properly but i think i might pick it up as a hobby maybe i just need a hobby ive been reading a french translation of a milan kundaris book (rip king) and the woman roughly says "why do men never give what i give in return" and she says this to her partner and he wonders why she thinks this because its really fuckin stupid to him and he says "you know what i think about? war." and i thought that was really funny and i laughed out loud on the metro and the days are getting colder and the burning of limbs doesnt happen quite as bad and the burn is just skin or whatever and i type with these long red nails i stole from the drug store and im relearning how to speak and talk and interact with people even though i think im a linguistic terestrial bipedal animal and i saw a cool show on monday and only got five hours of sleep and i play euchre and sometimes i win and i just cant believe that she tried to kill herself but at least she came and woke me up if she died without letting me know i wouldve been really upset and i really dont tend towards emotion if you couldve heard the 911 call i made you would think that im a robot and my friend said i sounded like one in the hospital room last night i think that i need a little handycam and to get better and out of this rut im always in a rut it seems

also i just remebered that wherever you go you bring yourself with you and this is significant because i never feel at home anywhere i am i always feel alien im always an alien i need to become a professor at small liberal arts universities in rural canada and move every two years because i dont know how someone could stay where they are for longer than that i love this life that i have but i need to restart pretty regularly but im stuck here for at least two years then i move and go to winnipeg or saskatoon or calgary or up north maybe i go to yukon or iqualuit and i do a masters then i go to europe for a doctorate and come back parading around because i finally made my grandma happy and i send postcards and i tell my friends ill see them later because later is indefinite and saying see you in five years sounds gross and sad but later is always sometime sooner it feels and i want to be a ghost i need to be a ghost i want to wander into peoples lives and leave them but sometimes drop back in just to say hello over coffee and hour before i need to be at the airport my isolation feels key to my mission on earth and although i dont talk to God all the time i think i feel him residing in my soul and i know that my soul infuses everything i touch and if i ever get married it needs to be a tall protestant dutch man whos nice to me and likes to be around me and i dont know if ill ever find a man like that but desires not a crime my life is spinning out i need to smoke a dart but i dont want to spend money on cigs i have a matchbook i stole from a bar and i think we should bring back lighting belmonts with matches its so rare we get to hold fire in our hands the smoke pit is a gift if your a bullshitter like me i heard that run clubs are the new dating apps but i think that running with people usually sucks and having anyone i could potentially be interested in see me like that would give them the ick and i think its good to be alone, at least until summer when i can go sit on a patio and drink a light beer my friend showed me coffee tonics and i think i could die happy if i had one in my hand all the time and i have a pink moka pot and life always works out for me because every day on this earth is another day that i get to drink my coffee and eat tuna and see little dogs and sit in the library and sunbathe in the park and listen to amy winehouse and exist in a moment