#and am either already the worst person alive or inevitably ending up there

[musical-chick-13]

OCD: We don't know what the qualifications of "being a good person" are, or at what point you stop being one, so we're just going to avoid everyone all the time so we don't hurt them :)

Me: But if. You avoid people. How can you help them. Also what about the people you already know who have a vested interest in continuing to talk to you? Wouldn't this hurt them? This doesn't make any sense.

OCD: No :) It doesn't :)

Me: But then--

OCD: Good luck :) :) :)

[the-broken-pen]

The hero was halfway home when they got the call.

“I’m sorry,” the person on the other end said, voice wet with tears, and the hero knew.

They knew that tone of voice, they knew this sinking in their stomach. They knew.

Their phone shattered against the ground, fingers numb.

Their friend was dead.

Again. Again, again, again again–

“Fuck,” the hero muttered, heart clenching. “Fuck.”

They were crying by the time the villain appeared next to them, and it took everything in the hero not to punch them.

“I don’t know why you do this to yourself,” the villain said, eyeing their tears.

“What, love?”

The villain tipped their head slightly. “No. Love things you can't keep.”

The hero was sure it would kill them this time, the heartbreak. They had thought after enough centuries, enough people loved, enough funerals attended, death would be an old friend and not a bullet wound. They had hoped it would hurt less.

But it still hurt, and death was chronic.

“What, you expect me to be you? Cold, killing people for fun?”

The villain raised an eyebrow at their tone.

“I don’t kill people for fun.”

“Don’t you?”

“No,” the villain shrugged a shoulder. “I just don’t care if there are casualties. Besides, not everyone is a good person in the first place. I’m doing the world a favor, half the time”

“How can you say something like that,” the hero hissed. “Do you hear yourself? Do you hear how awful you sound right now?”

The villain gave the hero a long look.

“Hero. You fight the worst people this world has to see for a living, and you’re standing here saying they deserve a second chance?”

“Yes,” the hero snapped. “I am.”

“You are a bleeding heart,” the villain observed. “It’s amazing you haven’t turned into me.”

“You and I, we are not the same.”

The villain half-smiled. “Aren’t we?”

“Shut up,” the hero looked away, chest tight. “These people, these lives, are so precious, so, so fragile, and you take them away like it is nothing.”

They were shaking, and they weren’t sure if it was rage or fear or something else. They couldn’t stop. The hero wondered if this was what death felt like. If this is what it felt like to have your body betray you, longing for the ground and solitude of a grave.

“I am not going to stand here and debate morality with you when you are breaking apart at the seams.”

“I’m fine,” the hero managed. They willed themself to stop crying.

“Death is inevitable, and you are hiding from the truth of that.”

The hero’s throat closed before they could respond.

“Your friend is dead, and no matter how much you fight, you will not win the war against death a second time. Do you hear me? You and me, we already won. We are time’s children. We will be here longer than ‘here’ will be. Death has no claim to us, and yet you keep pushing, and pushing, and pushing, because you cannot bear the weight of this gift.”

The hero’s knees gave out, and the villain caught them.

“Stop letting the guilt of being alive break you.”

“I don’t want this anymore.” It was a pitiful thing as it fell from their mouth. Something broken, worn out and tired.

The villain rested a hand on the back of the hero’s neck. “You cannot undo this any more than you could the last time you tried. I promise.”

It almost sounded like an apology.

“I am tired of loving precious, fleeting things.”

“So don’t,” the villain said easily.

The hero closed their eyes. “How?”

The villain hummed, voice soft. “Love me for a while. Until the burden of existence fades. I won’t leave.”

“You say that like loving you is easy.”

“It isn’t. But you’ve done it for centuries–what’s a few more?”

“You kill people.”

“No. I just don’t save them, and I don’t carry the guilt of not saving them, because it isn’t my job.”

“Yeah.”

“It isn’t your job either.”

The hero had known that, centuries ago. Somewhere along the way of funerals and eulogies, it had been hard to keep believing it wasn’t their fault when they were always the one left alive.

So they had stopped.

“Promise you won’t leave?”

“I couldn’t leave you if I tried.”

“Liar.”

“Yeah,” the villain agreed. “But never to you.”

Just like the hero had known it to be true when they were both fifteen, mortal, and wild, the hero knew it was true now.

And so, like every time this had happened before, across centuries and continents and deaths, the villain brushed away the hero’s tears; and they went home.

[wind-becomes-lightning]

we looked like giants.

Hello my friends and followers, today I offer you the OC fic I have been holding back for one and a half years and rewritten at least five times. I am very protective and vunerable about this here, which is one of the reasons I have been holding it back for so long. I am still very nervous about sharing, so please have mercy with me. You don't have to read this if you don't like.

I made Sayuri when I was 16 in early 2009. Back then we could only speculate who Tobi was (tho Obito was a strong contender), so the similarities in their stories is just coincidental! I did not know Obito was still alive, I did not know he was in Kiri for a long time too. I guess it worked out in the end, but it was surely not intentional. 

Thank you to @lemony-snickers for beta reading.

Sayuri looks like this.

Hatake Kakashi x OC

Rated E (eventual smut)

6786 words.

On the cusp of an all out war between the big villages and the Akatsuki Uchiha Sayuri suddenly returns to her hometown of Konoha after over ten years of absence. Her return throws Kakashis life out of order. Or- If Hatake Kakashi had a ryo for everytime a childhood friend he thought was dead came back to life he would have two ryo, which isn't much, but it is weird that it happened twice.

homecoming.

"It's no use trying to sneak up on me, I've already noticed you," the boy said, throwing a shuriken up in the air that he had just picked up from the ground. He shook himself, feeling a sense of unease creep up the back of his neck. He was just out here training and wasn't really up to dealing with bothersome things. Especially since this wasn't the first time he was forced to. The boy did not like other people very much, he did not feel comfortable with other people. Other people stared at him, they talked and whispered about him and worst of all, they did not understand him, not in a way he wanted to be understood. This included his two teammates, who, though important to him, would never deeply get him. Though he liked them fine, Rin more so than Obito, and tried to work with them as well as he possibly could, he still preferred to work on his own, without having to interact with others. Unfortunately for him, shinobi weren't meant to work alone, not if one was trying to adhere to the rules. So personal contact, interpersonal relationships and occasional talks with others were inevitable. Which was a total annoyance. A girl, black hair, two braids down on either sides of her face stepped out from behind an especially large oak tree that was to the right of the training ground he was currently on.

[...]

The sun blinded her when she stepped out of the shadows of the forest. She was still not used to it shining at all times of the day, warm and especially so bright, bathing the surrounding area in a friendly and welcoming light. Too many years had passed in which she had gotten used to the mist and rain that was brought by ocean waves and wind. Not that there wasn't any sun in Kirigakure, but it wasn't strong like here. Though, Sunagakure's sun was much stronger than this one, she supposed. She had rarely been there for long. Sayuri hesitated just at the edge of the forest, her eyes wandering over the low grass to the Great Gates right in front of her. It had been a long time since she had seen the entrance to the Hidden Leaf village outside of videos or pictures. Only one moment, years ago, had she come close enough to cast an eye upon it. Still, she could not deny the familiarity of the scenery. She recalled many moments as a child when she had run through this place, to go training, to go play, to go on a mission or just to run away from her father. Sayuri was a very different person back then. Someone who had a father and something of a brother. Both were dead now.

[More on AO3]

wllg chap 1 tag list: @butter--peanut, @sunstaar, @silvermadara, @foolishk, @skykashi, @pilotdante, @mothervvoid, @succikko-nebulae, @uchiha-deathwater

[book-boys-are-my-guilty-pleasure]

A Stark and her Soldier ~ Part 1

Imagine: Reuniting with Bucky when you end up helping Sam with the Flag Smashers.

Warnings: TFATWS SPOILERS! This takes place during the first two episodes of the show.

A/N: I can’t believe I’m saying this but I’M BACK (with a new header lol)!!! AHHHHHHHH! It’s been nearly two years but here I am… posting this makes me SO nervous, so feedback would be highly appreciated! More parts and some information about what I’m planning with this blog to follow soon! 

“You held us together – do it for them,” he paused before adding, “Promise me you’ll do it for them.”

You blinked away the tears, knowing what was coming, “I can’t promise that...”

“Y/N please,” the way he begged you with that shaking voice was nearly enough to push you over the edge.

“I-I promise.” He squeezed your hand before letting you leave.

“You’ve reached James Barnes, sorry I couldn’t take your call, please –” you hung up before the recorded message could continue, face burning with frustration. This was the 9th time you had tried calling him this week, not to mention the countless text messages.

You scoffed thinking of Steve’s last words to you, how were you supposed to hold them together when you barely held yourself together on a good day? It doesn’t make it any easier when the person you’re supposed to be holding together is so keen on letting himself fall apart.  

Every time you tried calling him, you ended up feeling furious, miserable, or like an absolute failure – usually all three. You promised Steve, you promised, and you failed. You groaned and chucked your phone across your bed.

The last time you had seen him, Steve had still been around, and you hadn’t even spoken to him since Tony’s funeral.

 You and Pepper had walked to the lake, each holding one of Morgan’s hands, and you had sat at the dock watching the arc reactor – his heart – float away, the people behind you forgotten in your grief. The weight on your heart was unbelievable, you had already lost your best friend, Natasha, and now your brother was gone.

You promised him that you wouldn’t cry at his funeral – he always knew it was inevitable – and so you sat there, sending him away with a pained smile.

You had no idea how long you had just sat there, staring at the horizon across the lake, trying to make this last moment with your brother last forever.

“Y/N?” You felt a hand squeezing your shoulder, “You should come back inside.”

“What happens now, Steve?” Your voice was softer than he had ever heard before.

“I don’t know, but we’ll figure it out together,” he paused for a moment before gesturing to Bucky, waiting outside the house behind him, “He wants to talk to you.”

You gave Bucky a small smile, “Hey.”

He walked over and dropped down next to you, Steve leaving the two of you to chat, “I’m sorry.”

“Thank you,” You nodded solemnly.

He added, “For everything, Y/N… he probably wouldn’t even have wanted me here, but –”

You shook your head and took his hand, heart fluttering at the contact. You had always been attracted to him, and it had only grown with every interaction. “That wasn’t you.”

You knew your brother never blamed Bucky, you all knew how it felt to have people mess with your heads and Bucky had had the worst of it. He was furious at Steve for years, but never at Bucky – you could never bring yourself to be angry with either of them, not after the stories you grew up with. Your father had adored the soldiers and you had been one of their biggest fans, and later one of Steve’s closest friends.

There had come a point after the battle between Tony and Steve when you had become sick of all the back and forth. You were lucky enough to find an escape when T’Challa got in touch with you, offering you a chance to come to Wakanda and learn about their technology – you weren’t ashamed to admit that you were the one who contacted him to beg for it. You hadn’t known that Bucky was already there. Slowly but surely, the two of you found comfort in one another and became good friends.  

He gave you a smile that didn’t reach his eyes, “You should head inside, it’s getting late – I’ll see you again soon.”

He stayed true to that statement, the two of you stood with Sam and Bruce, waiting for Steve to come back after returning the stones – only to have him shatter your hearts.

You only saw Bucky in passing after that, occasionally visiting Steve at the same time – you never said a word to him, beyond a smile or a wave, and then you stopped seeing him all together. You tried, for the sake of your promise to Steve, but he never answered your calls or texts.

“We’ll figure it out together, right, thanks a lot Steve,” You muttered.

You jumped at the sound of your phone ringing, and your shoulders sank a bit when you saw Sam’s name flashing across the screen, “Hey.”

“He’s doing an interview,” You knew exactly who Sam was talking about, “Good Morning America.”

Your stomach turned, “That’s the last thing I want to see.”

“I know, I just thought I’d share my joy with someone,” Sam chuckled, “Any luck with Bucky?”

“I’m just wasting my time at this point,” You could feel the tears returning to your eyes as you said it.

“Hey, come on now, he’ll come around, he just needs some time.”

“Right…”

“Listen, I called because we have a lead, wanna join?”

“Please.”

“I hate it, his stupid face plastered on every wall, it feels like he’s mocking us.”

“Don’t you start, Y/N.”

“Seriously Sam, I get that he’s the new Cap – the fake Cap, but don’t you think that this,” You gestured to the posters around you, “is excessive?”

“It-”

“Shouldn’t have given up the shield.” Your heart skipped a beat at the sound of his voice and your face heated up with anger, you hadn’t realized it was possible to feel such contrasting emotions at the same time, but here you were. You noted that his voice was a bit hoarse and wondered if he had been sick.

“Good to see you too, Buck.”

“This is wrong.”

“So is pushing away everyone who cares about you.” He finally looked at you and you saw shame glistening in those steel blue eyes.

He said nothing before turning back to Sam, “You didn’t know that was gonna happen?”

Wow, ignoring your calls was one thing, but outright ignoring you while you stood in front of him, that caused a different kind of hurt.

You stood in silence as Sam explained where the two of you were headed, trying to push away the pounding in your head, and suddenly, you found yourself in a jet sitting next to Bucky.

“You could have answered, even once. Could’ve at least let me know that you were still alive.”

“I know,” Was all he said.

“We were friends once,” Nothing, “and I still care for you.”

“I know.”

“Four months, a full four months and I didn’t hear a single word from you, I’m going to need more than ‘I know’.”

He sighed, “I’m sorry.”

You could tell that he meant it and didn’t know what more to say, so you got up and headed towards the open door of the plane, “I’ll catch you boys on the ground.”

You watched Sam follow, and considered helping Bucky as he fell through the trees, but you decided against it. He hurt your feelings and now you could call it even.

Super soldiers? How on earth were there more super soldiers?! You didn’t have much time to ponder on the thought as you got kicked in the face by one of them and fell off the semi – definitely should have let Tony make you a helmet like he insisted.

You flew back up only to see him dropping out of a helicopter, Fake Cap, fuck.

“Looks like you guys could use some help,” Your blood boiled at the sight of his cocky grin.

You weren’t winning, and you weren’t stupid enough to continue trying, let Steve’s knock-off take care of it.

You flew off just in time to see Bucky lying on top of Sam, the latter groaned in displeasure.

“Hey, can you gentlemen save the PDA for later?” You joked, earning a glare from both of them.

With the adrenaline slowly draining from your system, the pain from the blows you took started to set in, making you dread the trek in front of you. As if on cue, you heard a horn honking and Fake Cap pulled up next to you, “It’s 20 miles to the airport, you guys need a ride.”

“I think we’re good,” You simply stated.

“You won’t make it with that limp.”

You gave him a crude smile, “I’d rather crawl.”  

They stopped and opened the door, you exchanged a look with Sam and Bucky, silently deciding to join them.

You sat between Bucky and Sam, and felt the anger and disgust radiating off of both of them with every word that was exchanged.

“Y/N Stark,” You despised the way he said your last name, like he wanted to devour you, “You are one of the original seven, I trust you know the importance of having a strong team. I’d suggest giving a word or two of advice to your friends here.”

“Did you really just compare being on a team with you two, to being on a team with the Avengers?” You glowered at him, “A word of advice Walker, you’re not Steve, you might be holding that shield, but you will never be half the Captain America that he was. So quit fucking pretending.”  

“I didn’t realize Stark’s sister had such a mouth on her,” He smirked, he knew exactly what he was doing and as much as you hated to admit it, it was working, “Vicious.”

“Go to hell.”

The ride didn’t last very long after that, and you had no complaints when Bucky demanded them to stop the car.

You opened your eyes and rolled over to see Sam still asleep on the seats across from you, and Bucky was sitting on the large crate in the middle of the jet, “Not tired?”

“Nah,” He shook his head.

You pushed yourself to your feet and hopped up next to him, “You’d think they’d make those seats a bit more comfortable considering the amount of time we spend on these things.”

He chuckled and the two of you fell into a comfortable silence. After a considerable pause he turned to you, “Y/N, I meant what I said earlier, I’m sorry.”

The dark bags under his eyes were a stark contrast from the beautiful blue that you were looking into, which you noted which had lost its luster. You noticed that his voice still had a bit of that hoarseness from earlier in the day, and the dots connected. You remembered how hoarse your voice used to get when you’d wake up screaming from the nightmares after particularly rough missions. You understood why he was awake, he didn’t want you and Sam to see him like that.

You nodded, “I know, I just wish – I was worried sick about you. I know it hasn’t been easy for you Buck, but we were good friends once and I miss you.”

“I wanted to call, it’s just been tough,” He admitted, and you reached over to take his hand, only to quickly pull away as Sam woke up.

“You two okay?”

“Yeah,” You both said. You wondered if Bucky’s super soldier ability allowed him to hear the way your heartbeat picked up from that brief touch.

Your mind was racing a million miles a minute, you had barely kept the tears in listening to Isaiah’s story, both out of anger and sadness. How? How did this happen? How was this man tortured, then brushed under the rug? How did no one know about it? Why the hell did Bucky keep this from you?

Sam mirrored your pained expression, but something darker lurked beneath his eyes, you couldn’t even imagine the rage he felt. The sound of a police siren pulled you out of your thoughts.

Your anger only grew at the argument that ensued, “I am calm, what do you want? We’re just standing here talking.”

“Just give him your ID,” You glared at Bucky as the words left his mouth.

“Why the hell should he? He didn’t do anything wrong!” You growled, at the same time Sam said, “I’m not giving him shit, we were just talking.”

“Hey, hey, look, is this guy bothering you?” The officer asked you and Bucky. Your eyes widened, he can’t be serious right now.

“No, he’s not bothering us, do you know who this is?!”

You couldn’t even stand to look at the guy as his jaw dropped in shock upon realizing who Sam was, you felt your body shake with anger, and you didn’t even want to think what would have happened if Sam hadn’t been an Avenger.

The officer returned from his vehicle and turned the tables, announcing that there was a warrant out for Bucky’s arrest.

Watching him being handcuffed and put into the car shattered your heart, if the events of the day hadn’t already left you feeling nauseous, you knew this would be the nail in the coffin. All you could see was Bucky on his knees with a gun to his head nearly seven year ago when Steve barely prevented T’Challa from killing him and the four of you had been arrested – Tony had been furious with you, but it was the shame in Bucky’s eyes that had hurt you the most, and here you were, witnessing it again.

You reached over a grabbed Sam’s hand and squeezed as hard as you could, desperate for a lifeline to keep you from sinking into those painful memories.

You maintained that same grip on the poor man’s hand as you sat at the police station waiting for Bucky to be bailed out, “Sam, Y/N, I’ve heard a lot about you two, I’m Dr. Raynor, I’m James’ therapist.”

The two of you shook her hand and Sam thanked her for getting Bucky out.

“That was not me –”

“Christina!” You’d recognize that voice anywhere from the way it made your skin crawl, fuck, “Good to see you again.”

You clenched your jaw to keep yourself from punching the stupid grin off of his face as he pointed to himself when Dr. Raynor asked him who authorized Bucky’s release. You knew you had a problem with constantly wanting to punch people in the face, it was a trait that ran in the family, but Walker’s face was definitely one of the most punchable ones you had seen – a good ol’ pop in the jaw wouldn’t hurt, right? Just one?

“He’s too valuable of an asset to have him tied up –”

That was it, that was all you were willing to hear, you couldn’t stop yourself from getting in his face and hissing, “Call him that again, and I swear to god Walker, I –”

Sam put his arm around you, hand pressed to your stomach and pulled you back, “Y/N.”

Walker simply smirked and turned back to Raynor, “Do what you have to do and send him off to me. Got some unfinished business, him and I, you too Wilson, and bring your guard dog with you.”

It took everything in your power to keep from snarling at him.  

“James, condition of your release, session now,” The doctor ordered, “You two as well.”

“I’m good, I’ve been to enough therapy,” You shook your head, at the same time Sam said, “That’s okay, I’ll be out here with –”

“That wasn’t a request,” You couldn’t help but chuckle, and decided that you liked this woman.

You and Sam sat on either side of Bucky, facing Dr. Raynor as she got started. You couldn’t help but notice the way Bucky’s eyes shifted and jaw clenched as Sam tried to weasel his way out of the session, and your chest tightened. He looked so tired, and not just the ‘hasn’t slept in a few days’ tired, but more like he was tired of trying – he looked broken.

You decided in that moment that you would try, and not just for Steve, but for the man next to you who had held a piece of your heart before he even knew you, and managed steal that piece away when you had met him years later.

You realized how hard you’d have try when Bucky answered Dr. Raynor’s question with, “In my miracle, he would talk less.”

“Exactly what I was gonna say, isn’t that ironic?” You sighed, so hard.

She turned to you, mimicking the expression on your face, “Y/N, can I trust you to give me a proper answer?”

Try, Y/N, try. You saw a glimmer of hope in Raynor’s eyes as they met yours, but you simply shrugged and looked away, unable to bring yourself to open up, and she let her shoulders fall slightly.

“You guys are leaving me with no choice. It’s time for the soul-gazing exercise. Y/N, you can sit this one out, you get along with both of them well enough.”

You rolled your eyes at the reactions from the boys, this’ll be good. You couldn’t help but chuckle as they got closer to one another, maybe I should have taken part in this exercise. They made eye contact and continued to hold it, you realized what they were doing moments before the doctor did and let out a genuine laugh – earning a glare from Raynor, don’t encourage them she seemed to say.

“James, why does Sam aggravate you? And don’t say something childish.” Your head filled with a hundred different ideas about what stupid things Bucky would come up with, only to have them fizzle away at his cheeky grin towards the doctor, followed by the lick of his lip. It left your throat dry. Snap out of it, Y/N, what’s gotten into you?

He paused for a moment, his expression changing, and turned back to Sam, “Why’d you give of that shield?”

You held your breath, you knew this was going to come up, but weren’t expecting it here. You couldn’t take your eyes off of Bucky, noticing every change in his face, it becoming more pained with every word that left his mouth, and your chest tightening alongside it, until finally, “So maybe he was wrong about you. And if he was wrong about you, then he was wrong about me.”

The break in his voice cracked your heart into a million pieces. You looked up, trying to keep the tears swimming in your eyes from falling. You turned your attention towards Sam and noticed the emotion behind his glassy eyes – it was different than anything you had seen in him before, it was almost as though you could see the burden he was carrying on his shoulders, the pressure that was pushing him in every direction.

I have to fix this, you told yourself, you couldn’t stand to see them like this, I have to try.  

Your mind was roaring with thoughts, you hadn’t even noticed that Sam and Bucky had left until Raynor asked, “What would be in your miracle, Y/N?”

You snapped your head towards her, then to the door, you weighed your options and headed towards the latter. You grabbed the handle and stopped, without turning towards her you whispered, “I’d find a home again, and they’d find some happiness.”

You pulled the door open, “Y/N, I don’t think those two things have to be separate.”

Her words swam in your head until you found Bucky and Sam walking outside, Walker and Hoskins storming off in the other direction.

“What’s that all about?”

“Walker being Walker,” Sam shrugged.

“So, what now?”

“Bucky wants to talk to Zemo,” Every memory that you spent years trying to forget came flooding back: Zemo using those words to turn Bucky into the Winter Soldier, who then proceeded to trash the compound and nearly kill you and your friends; watching your family fight each other at the airport and being forced to pick a side; watching the footage of your parents dying; desperately begging your brother and the man who had become your brother not to kill one another.

“You what?!” You gasped.

“Y/N –”

You stepped between the two of them, close enough to Bucky that you had to tilt your head up to look into his eyes, and whispered, “Bucky, no.”

“This might be our only lead, Y/N,” You stared up at him, silently pleading him, he reflected the same in his own, “Please Y/N.”

He took your hand and you instantly melted, “I – fine, but promise me you will be careful.”

“I promise.”

End. 

Read Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 and Part 6

Masterlist // Rules List 

To be added or taken off a tag list, feel free to send me a message/ask.

Forever Tags: @nekodemon73 @2toastersbang @beahippie23 @addie-baby  @hells-helvig @roseslovedreams @sebastianstanslefteyebrow @pinktrouble   @killthe-illusionarydreams @all-by-myself98 @jaiboomer11  @m-a-t-91 @mimikyu-of-death @angels-and-things  @infinte-exist-ence​@thisismysecrethappyplace @fandomnerdsarecool @bees-love-books @1-800-fandomsdestroyedme​ @desperue @rara-de-nacimiento​  @lostgirl-j​  @fandomsgalores​  

Marvel Tags: @buried-in-books​ @imagine-that-13 @theindecisivemess​ @mersuperwholocked-lowlife​​ @oneofthenorns​

[ghostinacardboardbox-oldblog]

hey bestie!! this is me requesting a little insight into davey and jack's relationship in the vampire au! obviously davey knows what jack is, but how does he find out? does he freak? does he accept it immediately and move on? how old is Jack (physically and actually) and does jack do that "you can't be in love with me i'm a monster i'm a terrible being i'm the worst person alive (but not really)" bullshit bc i think it would be so funny if he was broody and weird. does davey ever think about becoming a vampire to be with jack?

there are a fuck ton of questions in this but you obvi don't have to answer all of them !! i am just so intrigued by this and cannot wait to hear more !!

- @we-are-inevitable ✨️ (let's pretend i sent this on anon lmfao)

The Javid dynamic is hilarious actually (the only two things I know how to write are angst and funny little guys btw so the tone shifts wildly throughout the story).

Davey is our main character, really, and his reactions are simultaneously the stupidest thing you’ve ever seen but also so relatable. He doesn’t know about the vampires when he first meets Jack and Spot (he meets them around the same time because they’re brothers, which is a whole separate chaotic mess), but he figures it out fairly quickly.

I think Davey probably freaks out a little and doesn’t talk to Jack for a few days, but once he calms down he immediately goes to just mess with him because if there’s one thing Davey loves doing, it’s teasing Jack about being a vampire. Fun fact, that scene is the first one I came up with and it inspired the whole au. After that Dave is completely on board with this, he does not care.

Jack is not having a good time to be honest. It’s been almost two years (he was 17 at the time, so almost 19 were he still actually alive), and he’s spent that entire time bouncing between denial and just whining. It’s getting on Spot’s nerves. He doesn’t necessarily do the whole song and dance of “don’t date me because I’m a monster,” but he does have some self-hatred going on. I think part of why he doesn’t try to convince Davey to forget about him is that he knows it wouldn’t do any good, but also the fact that he and Davey don’t actually begin dating for a while after Davey knows, so if Davey was going anywhere, he would have already done so. (And you’re right it is funny when he’s brooding and weird, mostly because Spot is doing it better.)

Davey thinks about being a vampire sometimes, but it’s never something he actually wants for himself. He sees the things that his friends are dealing with and how much it upsets them, especially Jack, and he just knows it would be naive to think that for some reason he’d just have a fantastic time. It’s a huge contrast between him and Race, who only looks at the positives and hasn’t seen much of the negatives.

What all of that means for Davey and Jack long-term is… not something they’re gonna think about right now. They have bigger fish to fry, considering the appearance of the vampire hunters, an increase in the vampire population (again, all of these guys haven’t been vampires long and were fairly young when they were turned. That likely doesn’t mean good things.), and just generally Jack being an angst factory. They know that ultimately, they probably either won’t last, or one of them will end up actually dead, maybe both of them. The odds aren’t on their side, so it’s not worth thinking too much about.

[stovetuna]

CW: character death and Tony lack of self esteem and self preservation. Ignore if not ur jam

(¬_¬) psssttt angst time. post-Endgame Steve accidentally ending up in 616 and meets that Steve and Tony. And after failing to wrestling ANY info about why this Steve is here, 616-Tony figures out other him is dead and this Steve is taking it badly and this has Tony trying to make MCU-Steve feel better by saying something like well that me probably deserved it??? All us Tonys do (This does not make MCU feel better. Nor does it make 616-Steve very happy)

ANON MY HEART! IT CANNOT TAKE THIS! (she says as she mulls over this prompt for DAYS and even snaps out of half-sleep to write a little bit of it)...

but like, imagine it. Somehow or other Steve ends up in 616!universe—a spell of Dr. Strange’s gone awry, maybe, or a clusterfuck while returning the time stone—and he’s ended up in 616!Tony’s workshop. It’s late, he’s confused and disoriented and grieving, and he’s already making for the ratty sofa (thinking fixing this is a problem for future steve) when he realizes there’s already someone stretched out on it.

not someone. someones. together. wrapped around each other like koalas on a branch. one of them is Tony—no amount of darkness can smother that blue light, or so Steve once thought—and his heart is breaking all over again, when the person wrapped around him, partially hidden behind Tony’s shoulder, raises his head, eyes alert, and Steve realizes it’s him. Himself. Steve Rogers, from another dimension. Universe. Tony would know which. 

Rogers snaps to attention and is standing and interrogating Steve and he manages to not wake Tony up the whole time. This Tony sleeps like a rock, or maybe that’s just because of Rogers, and Steve is spiraling over the fact that maybe that’s all it would have taken to make things right—better—in his own universe. He could have been brave, he could have been strong enough for both of them to walk up to Tony and ask him out, kiss him, something. Instead he lied, and hid, and ran. He’s still running. Meanwhile this taller, broader, stronger version of him chose happiness, because what else could life with Tony Stark be? 

Rogers is grilling him in the semi-darkness, asking questions Steve isn’t sure he’s allowed to answer (the rules of the time heist are still fresh in his mind), but the questioning stops when Steve starts crying and asks him how long they’ve been together. If it was enough to stop their fight, and everything that happened after.

Rogers tells him they were too late to stop the Civil War, but they pulled their heads out of their asses eventually. When Steve mentions Thanos, Rogers’ face flashes recognition but not the same level of grief Steve feels like a railroad spike lodged in his heart. Whatever else has happened in this universe, Thanos hasn’t, and this Steve and Tony are together. Steve can’t stop thinking this is all just a cruel nightmare disguised as a tear in the fabric of the universe. 

And then the lights come on at a dim 30%, revealing a Tony Stark who is whole and alive and very, very different from the man Steve knew. While Steve stands there poleaxed in crisis mode (Stark mentions “blue screening” which is a reference Steve does get and he hurts all the more deeply because of it), Rogers fills Stark in on what he knows about Steve, when he showed up, what they’ve talked about. When Rogers mentions Steve’s question about their relationship, something brightens in Stark’s blue eyes.

“Your universe’s Tony Stark is dead, isn’t he?”

Steve makes a sound that is something between a sob and a laugh. Of course Stark would figure it out with the least amount of information at hand. In response, Rogers grabs Stark’s hand. He’s gone deathly pale, as if the very thought of losing Tony is too terrible to imagine, and he shares a look with Stark that speaks volumes, because Stark looks just as grim. Something happened there, Steve thinks—one or the other of them died, or came close enough to put the fear of it in them for life. 

And then Stark opens his mouth and says “If your universe’s Tony Stark was anything like me, and categorically speaking he probably was, he probably deserved it.”

Steve’s gut plummets because Jesus Christ, does Tony Stark not have any sense of self-worth, in any universe?? Apparently he and Rogers are the same wavelength—shocker—because he rounds on Stark with “Tony, we’ve talked about this” while Stark waves him off with a scoff. 

“This isn’t low self-esteem talking, Steve—you know my track record when it comes to near death experiences. How many would you say have been the inevitable result of my own actions?” 

Rogers’s face flattens. His lips and eyes narrow. “Too many.”

“Right. So am I right, or am I right?” Stark asks Steve, but Steve’s tongue has cleaved to the roof of his mouth. Of course, Tony Stark was always able to talk enough for three people, even if two of them were, technically, the same person. “He probably went down thinking he was the only one who could fix whatever was broken, walked right into a coffin he made himself, literally if not figuratively.” 

Steve swallows. “Actually,” he says, thinking of the gauntlet fused to Tony’s armor, which had fused to his arm, “it was something like that.” 

Steve’s eyes laser in on their joined hands, tearing up when he sees Stark squeeze Rogers’s fingers. A small touch of reassurance, stabilizing and loving, to remind Rogers he was still here. Still breathing. Still alive. The look Rogers sends Stark is so warm, so full of things Steve doesn’t have the strength to name, it threatens to shove him deeper into an already devastating downward spiral. 

So of course Stark chooses that moment to look at Steve and be his usual smart self, because some things are truly universal, and Tony Stark’s intelligence and ability to read people is one of them. 

“You never told him?” 

Steve shakes his head. Rogers makes a small, hapless sound, like the thought of never telling Tony Stark his feelings, being with him, is too sad to consider. It is—Steve can honestly say it is, and of the two of them, Steve is the only one who has to live with the consequences of the choice he made (and made, over and over again) for the rest of his life.

Whatever nonverbal communication passes between the two men, Steve doesn’t see it. He’s too busy staring through blurry eyes at the floor of the workshop, wishing this nightmare would end so he could go back to his own universe and not have to be confronted with the life he wishes he could have had with a man who was now dead. 

He’s so wrapped up in his own misery, he doesn’t register movement until two socked feet stop in front of his shoes and he looks up to see Stark standing there, eyebrows knitted in concern and wonder and, worst of all, understanding. Like he’s been where Steve is, lost and bereft, irreparably heartbroken. Did this Tony lose his Steve? How? Rogers is standing right there. But Steve has seen Stark’s expression in his own mirrored reflection every morning for the past year, and while he was never on par with Tony Stark’s genius, he could read people too. Stark knows this kind of loss as deeply as Steve does now.

“We’ll get you home first thing,” Stark tells him, but it sounds like a line to quell Steve’s nerves, which it does, and a good thing too, because Stark is moving into Steve’s personal space as he says it, breathing his air and meeting his gaze straight on. “Nod if you understand?” 

Of course Stark would be considerate of Steve’s inability to speak when they’re this close. Steve nods. 

“Can I give you something, Steve? If I know myself—and I do, really, even if my judgement isn’t always perfectly sound—your Tony would have wanted to give it to you himself. But life wasn’t fair to either of you, I think. Not that it ever is, but, I’d like to correct the imbalance in some small way. Is that okay?”

Steve nods before he realizes he’s doing it, like his body knows what’s coming before his brain does and he’s helpless to resist. 

Logically, Steve knows this isn’t his Tony. Not because his Tony is dead—although that does play a major factor—but because this one is so unlike him. This Tony, Stark—he’s too tall, Steve’s mind supplies, too young, too broad; his hair is too dark and his eyes are too blue. 

But Steve Rogers would recognize Tony Stark anywhere, in any dimension. In any universe. And if it means getting to give Tony everything he was too scared to offer him in life, even for a second—let alone getting some of it back—then so much the better. 

Stark pulls him in for a kiss like it’s second nature to him. Muscle memory. But to Steve, it’s a shock to the system. Every hair on his body is standing on end. He gasps against Stark’s lips and suddenly fingers are buried in his hair, tugging him closer before he can stop and ask them if this is okay, if they know what this means to Steve, if he can actually have this. 

A sob sticks in his throat as he finally musters the wherewithal to kiss back. Stark takes it handily, licking a hot, wet line across Steve’s bottom lip before Steve slants left and kisses him hard and deep, wrapping his arms around the similar-yet-unfamiliar frame.   Kissing Stark, Steve realizes, makes him happy, in a profoundly genuine, comforting way he hasn’t felt in years, and the only way to express it is to wrap a hand around the back of Stark’s neck, just below the nape, and suck the moan right out of his mouth. Even if that happiness is soured by his implacable grief, he can shove that into the back of his mind long enough to luxuriate in the feeling of Stark’s tongue brushing against his soft palate, those hard, scarred workman’s hands sliding up under his shirt to splay soft across his lower back. He feels safe, and happy, and loved. 

And if he imagines his Tony in Stark’s place, no one has to know. And if they did, Steve doesn’t think either of them would judge him for it. His instinct is confirmed when Steve pulls away long enough—breathing hard, just like Stark, who looks for all the world like someone who just fell off a Tilt-a-Whirl ass-backwards—to look over Stark’s shoulder at Rogers, who’s staring hungrily at both of them like he doesn’t know whether to pounce or stay put. The tent in his sweatpants speaks for itself. 

Before Steve can piece two coherent thoughts together—like does he feel weird about an alternative universe version of himself being turned on by this? or does he need to stop kissing Stark before this gets out of hand? how is he supposed to get home? how is he supposed to live without this now that he’s had a taste of it?—Stark is pulling him back in for a kiss that tunes out all the noise and warms him through, tucked in the safe, quiet, happy circle of Stark’s arms.

Steve holds the man and the moment as close as he can, as long as he can, and he’s grateful, for the first time in his life after coming out of the ice, for the silence. 

[chemicalpink]

대취타 (daechwita) | Emperor!Yoongi x Reader | Part ONE

Pairing: Emperor!Yoongi x Assassin!Reader

Words: 2.7k

Genre: Emperor AU, Historical AU (kinda), very badly written SMUT at the end, power play, angsty

Warnings: there is mention of death, killing, smut in public place, some traditional korean things may be wrong, mentions of slavery.

A/N: No thoughts, just Agust D.

Summary: You used to be an assassin, got caught and works at the palace as a servant up until you are escorted to the main palace, either to meet your inevitable destiny or for a change of plans.

OR

The one where Min Yoongi is an Emperor and is cocky and kinda of an asshole but you both get naughty nevertheless.

PART 1 | PART 2 | PART 3 | PART 4

After somewhere near to twelve months being forced to work at the Gyeongbok Palace, you have somewhat become accustomed to having both hands and feet chained while moving around the place with a sword always on the back of your head, ready to chop it off were you to do any funny business. It was no secret that there were hundreds of enslaved servants at Gyeongbok Palace that were once top tier criminals, and whilst most of them received a similar treatment, you used to come and go from your assigned place of work with half a dozen more guards than the rest. Just as you would expect it to be, seen as you were Korea’s most famous mercenary. That day, however, the sight of a hooded man completely dressed in black caught you by surprise. That was definitely new.

Your usual companion, a young royal guard named Jungkook, held your arm forcefully while he guided you through the sumptuous building where most public officials and gwageos of Korea made their home while on service. You both made your way through corridors,  sets of stairs and turned right more times than you deemed necessary just so you’d have the lesser chance of finding an exit out of wherever the man was taking you.

At least, that is what Jungkook pretended by doing so, but you were able o pick up his intentions and noticed how you had been up and down the same stairs in a matter of minutes. You also noticed how the dark-haired man was forcing you to zig-zag through different levels, even though Gyeongbok had the plainest structure inside it, just a few sets of stairs on the front and tons of long corridors inside. Truth be told, you would have been insulted if Jungkook weren’t to be that precautious. 

You both headed down a particularly long corridor where not the slightest sound could be heard except the echo of your own footsteps. Jungkook turned your way and stared, you smiled at him. He looked back to the front and grabbed your arm with more strength than before.

You took the gesture as a compliment, even though you had no idea what was the reason behind such a mystery, or why that hooded man dressed in black had exchanged a few words with the head guard before Jungkook had grabbed your arm and taken you away from your workplace by the river. After a whole day of washing who-knows-who clothes, seeing him planted there beside the other six guards you were assigned wasn’t exactly how you pictured your day to end like.

Nevertheless, you were quick to make out the exact words that were exchanged when Jungkook made himself known to the man guarding the main palace’s entrance, Jung Hoseok, captain of the royal guard. Soon enough, the sky above seemed to have darkened a thousand shades, the mountains that could be seen from the front yard seemed to have enlarged and you could have sworn that the earth had trembled under you. It had been a while since you had left yourself feel fear inside you.

You turned to look at the new hand holding your arm. The black leather from his glove, a perfect match to the rest of his attire.

You both made your way down yet another corridor and you managed to entertain yourself looking at the elegant forged sword that he carried. The gleaming pommel was shaped like an eagle in mid-flight. Realizing that you were looking at the weapon, Hoseok rested his gloved hand on the golden head of the bird. 

You had stopped for a second to consider whether you would be able to take to your advantage the lack of security and just shoot your shot at freedom, go berserk and use the captain’s weapon against himself, just like that old man that used to be in charge of you had chosen the worst day to push you roughly and ended up in a ditch. But there was far too much echo in the corridors to attack him without alerting the whole place .

Sometimes you wondered if it wouldn’t have been better to die the night you were betrayed and captured. However, while walking down endless corridors, there were already far better questions to ask yourself. Had they finally decided to behead you? It was a favourite of the emperor’s after all. Your stomach churned. After all, you were deemed relevant enough to be executed by the very own royal guard captain. But, if they were to kill you, why bother the tour around Gyeongbok’s corridors?

You finally came to a halt before some glass doors in red and gold, so thick that it was useless to try and see what was on the other side. Captain Jung Hoseok bowed lightly with his head to the other two guards that flanked the entry and they hit the ground with their spears in salute.

The captain once again grabbed you by the arm with such force you were sure he had let a bruise. He pulled you towards him, but your feet were unable to move.

“Would you prefer to remain enslaved, then?” he asked in a mocking tone

“Maybe if you’d tell me what is all of this for, I wouldn’t be so opposed to it”

“Don’t worry, it won’t be long until you find out for yourself” 

Your palms were most definitely sweating. Yes, you were about to die. It was finally time to.

The doors opened with a crushing sound and before your eyes appeared a throne room.

“Here” groaned the captain as he pushed you forward with his free hand.

Being freed from the chains that held your feet together, you tripped over yourself and your bare feet slipped on the smooth floor when you tried to pick yourself up. You turned your head back around and saw six more guards that ported the royal seal on their garments make their way inside.

Fourteen guards plus Captain Jung Hoseok.They were part of the royal family's personal guard: ruthless and lightning-fast soldiers, trained from childhood to protect the emperor with their own lives. You barely managed no to choke on your own spit. Groggy and bewildered you turned your gaze to the front. Sitting on an ornate wooden and jade throne, a handsome young man awaited. Your heart stopped when you all bowed to him. You were before the very emperor of Korea, Min Yoongi. 

Both your eyes and the emperor’s crossed paths.

Min Yoongi offered her a smirk. One that hid a twisted intention behind it but reeked of royal charisma at the same time. Sprawled on the throne, his chin was propped up in one hand and his almost white-blond hair gleamed in the dim light. He wore a black hanbok on which the royal seal embroidered in gold tones occupied almost the entire bib.

Something in his eyes, and the way they contrasted with his almost white hair, took you apart. He was painfully handsome and should be less than thirty years old.

Emperors are not supposed to be attractive. They are whiny, stupid and disgusting creatures! But he ... he ... how unfair of him to belong to royalty and be handsome at the same time.

Min Yoongi stared at your tensed body and then raised well-groomed eyebrows “I wasn’t expecting you to be so young” he supported his elbows on his thighs “i’ve heard some fascinating stores about you, How’s life now after being used to all the excess you granted yourself before?”

Cocky son of a bitch.

“I couldn’t be happier” you hummed while digging your broken nails into your palms.

“After almost a year here, it kinda seems like you are somewhat alive, how have you been able to achieve it, when life expectancy around here for slaves is barely that of a month?”

“It’s still a mystery, I have no doubt about it” You gave the emperor a seductive look and repositioned the handles as if they were lace gloves.

The emperor turned to his captain

“Such a naughty mouth she’s got, huh? And she doesn't speak like a member of the mob”

“One would hope so” you exclaimed

“Your highness” snapped Hoseok

“Huh?” 

“You must address him as ‘your highness’”

You gave him a mocking smile and then returned your attention to the emperor.

To your surprise, Min Yoongi laughed.

“You are aware that you are a slave, aren’t you? Haven’t you learnt anything from this time you’ve been serving?” he started walking towards you until he was so close that you could easily appreciate the exquisite embroidery of his hanbok and smell the aroma that he gave off, not perfume, but woody and fresh nonetheless. Yoongi smiled.

“I demand to know-” you started but Hoseok pulled you with brutal force before you could come any nearer to the emperor “I wasn’t trying to kill him, you fool!”

“I would watch my words if I were you,” Hoseok said while burning his eyes on her

“i honestly don’t think you would dare”

“Oh yeah, and why is that?” 

Yoongi strode back to the throne and sat down. His gaze shone more than ever.

You looked from one to the other and made yourself stand taller.

“Because you want something from me. Otherwise, you wouldn’t have brought me all the way here. I’m not stupid, you know? It is obvious that you are here in fulfilment some type of secret mission. You are testing me to find out if I am in good physical and mental condition. I know that I am not crazy and that I am still in possession of my physical faculties. So I demand that you tell me why you have brought me here and what it is that you need from me if my destiny is not to be beheaded.”

Both men exchanged a look. Yoongi joined the fingertips of both of his hands. “I have a proposition for you”

 “I’m all ears then” 

The emperor's eyes sparkled with amusement at your insolence, but they lingered for a moment too long on your body.

Min Yoongi crossed one leg over the other.

“Leave us alone” he ordered the guards “Hoseok, stay where you are”

You turned to the emperor “So?”

Yoongi limited himself to once again sprawl on his throne “I need some help with the empire. Someone that help me solve the...more complicated cases”

“So what you need is a servant that does the dirty work for you”

“In short, yes”

“So what happens if I agree?”

“After six years of service you will be granted your freedom”

“Six!”

“Five”

Although the emperor tried to hide it, you noticed that he was tense. He wanted you to accept. He needed you to accept so desperately that he was willing to negotiate. Your eyes sparkled.

“Make it four”

“Fine” he replied “It is a deal then. But if you fail, you will be beheaded” 

“My habilities are perfectly fine. Thank you very much”

Yoongi made a gesture with his hand to Hoseok “Take her to her chamber so she can take a bath” he stared at her “You have your first work in the morning. Do not let me down, Y/N”

Every work after the first seemed almost the same, after some official research, you were sent a brief coded message to your room that contained all the information that was needed for the job, the name of the culprit plus the usual places they used to hang out.

A few seconds worth of work were all piling up to your ultimate freedom.

Even thought you were the sword behind all of those crossed out names in the Emperor’s list, you were quick to find out that Min Yoongi was by far, more entertained and playful about the blood that stained his hands than you ever were.

It was a usual day after work that you found yourself enjoying the occasional luxury of the outdoors bathhouse that Min Yoongi’s personal Harem had to offer, minus the presence of the concubines that usually strolled around the palace, the moon shining on top of your head as the steam from the hot water raised highly from the temperature shock.

“I never took you for one to enjoy the luxuries that the concubine life has to offer, Y/N” you couldn’t exactly say you were surprised to see him standing behind you, the whole place was his after all “Should have made it cleared that this place is exclusively for me and my girls to have fun in”

“Yeah? I don’t see anyone else here though” you continued your bath routine but poked open an eye to tease him, just the way you had become accustomed to do so for the past year or so, left hand covering your boobs as you turned to him “Got stood up, again?” 

“Don’t you just love to play with fire, Y/N” though you had already turned your back to him and were convinced on carrying on with your bath, the sudden apparition of two hands holding your hips in place along with the wet kisses that were being left on your right shoulder made you think twice “I think it is time for you to get burn”

His right hand easily found its way down the water and started playing with your folds, your wetness getting mixed with the hot water you both were in, his mouth never ceasing to scrape every inch of skin he could find, his temperature rising by the second and his rock hard cock against your ass.

Your knees buckled unconsciously as two of his fingers were inserted into you and started pumping rapidly and you could feel him smirk on your back.

Your hand was quick to found his cock and pump it a few times a little too roughly “You know” you murmured as you turned to face him, making his hand drop from inside you as you watched his face contorted in pleasure “I don’t think it is fair of you, your highness” you could feel his thighs tensing as you kept on pumping him “to jump on a girl like that” you got close to his ear, grasping it between your teeth “I thought you said I was gonna get burned, what happened then?”

Something snapped inside him that made him slam you to the side of the pool while taking both your hands inside one of his own, having you bent over, his cock grazing your exposed pussy underwater. From behind you, Yoongi slowly teased you. You both moaned loudly, not caring if any guard that may have been in a nocturnal shift might hear you. 

Yoongi chuckled, knowing him, probably about to make a witty remark but you clenched your walls around him “F-fuck,” He moaned, his eyes squeezed tight, “You feel so good around my cock, so wet.”

There was no use denying that you felt so satisfied as Yoongi’s hips pressed into you, his cock buried deep inside you. Something you were trying so hard to conceal of not having dreamt about it before in the past year or so, pretend not have touched yourself to the thought of the Emperor wrecking you the way he did to his official concubines.

Yoongi’s cock twitched inside you. You felt your orgasm building within you, burning brightly. You threw yourself back, trying to prolong the sensation, rolling your hips.

“I don’t think I’ll last much longer” Yoongi said behind you and you shook your hips teasingly, while turning your head with a coy smile “argh you’re such a bitch” He moaned loudly once again “But two can play that game”

The hand he had rested on your hips to keep his pace was soon to find your clit, pinching it, rolling it and driving you to the edge until it suddenly stopped, followed by the heat that erupted from within you when Yoongi cummed inside you, his hand releasing yours from his hold and slapping your ass as he laughed “Such a good girl but I have an early morning tomorrow” 

“Min Yoongi, you son of a-” 

“Later, Y/N!” he said, grinning widely as he exited the bathhouse. 

[comicbooksidecharacter]

Hiraeth [Part 32]

Bucky Barnes X OC (Amelia Stone)

Hiraeth: (n.) “longing or deep yearning for a place, time, feeling or person long gone; or that never was.”

Summary: Bucky finds the OC working on a case she was specifically told to stay away from. He can’t help but stay close to her.

She couldn't really tell him. She felt like it would end everything. She could just look at his feet, contemplating the situation she was in. Bucky took this time to notice her condition. Even the dim light couldn't hide that she was thinner, maybe paler, than before. His eyes inevitably fell on her chest, as if he could actually see through her shirt at the wound. The shirt on that side looked a bit raised, maybe she had bandages or support on. Her reluctance to use her right arm told him as much.

"I just want to solve this mission", she replied, "That's all." "Why?" "Because I am sure this is connected to the shooting", she replied. "I was so close to finishing the mission but then .. " Bucky let her hand go and stepped back to take a good look at her. "I'm not convinced." She could only look at his face; his features looked stern, his eyes dark. "Missions get switched from agent to agent every other day, this is a normal thing. I don't see why you would need to run away like this." "How did you find me?", she inquired, still unwilling to share her thoughts. "I was in the gym with you", he said, "I was trying to find the answers. Had to go through 40 gyms, got nothing. Then I decided to go underground, and luckily, here I am. I was convinced that you would not let your case rest. I thought I was going to miss you again, but right after I went in, I felt a surge in EMP... I was sure it was you." She looked at his metal arm. It was covered but his wrist could peek through the sleeve and the glove hem. "So you can feel it?" she asked monotonously. "Your power is not really focused on objects as it should be, I am sure others objects suffer some fluctuations too. But it's definitely better than the last time you stopped the bullets." She sighed and averted her gaze, walking towards the reminiscent of a kitchen counter. "So, what do you want, Bucky?" "Don't try to distract me from my question", he said with utmost calmness. He could read her body language, she was trying to feign normality, but her body was stiff. She could read his body language, he was certain, assertive, just like he always was when things were under his control. "Why did you run away?" There was silence for a few moments and then he spoke again in  softer voice. "Amy", he replied, "We were all worried about you, you were shot. How could you run away like this? We wanted you to heal.." "I think healing is out of the question now", she replied in a mocking tone, dropping her shoulders, "If you or the others think that I can go back to normal, and continue life like it was before, that is wrong. I am not the same person, Bucky. I have changed. I have vivid nightmares of what happened to me. I can't think straight. I can't sleep because the pain gets so bad at night. The only thing I had, that gave me some sense of purpose, was my job; being able to decipher codes and unravel mysteries, being able to take down evil simply with the power of human intelligence... all that was taken from me because of this. " "I have to live like this now", she announced. "I want to solve my case, and get my job done... this is my only chance to prove I'm worth being an Avenger." Bucky got a bit annoyed and made his way over to the counter. "YOU are the one who told me that I should not identify myself on the basis of the bad that happened to me or the things I did. Right back at you, Amy. You have not lost your abilities; you are still smart, and kind, and .... amazing. You don't need work, people, or circumstances to define who you really are on the inside." She lowered her head in doubt; now she could understand how Bucky felt when she said those things to him... such words were hard to trust, even if everything in the world said they were. Suddenly she heard a sharp sound; the sound of a silenced bullet, too close to her ear. She heard someone collapse a few inches away. Bucky had shot someone, then again, then once more. She couldn't do anything but cover her head out of sheer surprise, he was quick to move away and stand right in front of her as a shield. The noise subsided with the sound of the last body crashing on the floor. "We have to get out of here", she announced what he already knew, rushing to the bag that lay in the corner of the kitchen. Shoving the file inside, she followed Bucky to the door, stopping only when she saw a familiar figure lying on the wooden ground. The man with the 1960 tattoo. "Damn it!", she announced, studying his face over and over again as if it would bring him back to life. "What did you do?", she asked, "You killed him." "Killed who?" She pointed to the man on the floor. "I didn't shoot him", he stated, confused. He was certain that this man had not appeared in front of him. "He was..." "We have to get out of here", he interrupted, as the sound of boots grew louder/ Bucky was anything but weak. He took no time to push her inside the room, forcing the door shut despite her protests. She could hear the grunts and groans of the unfortunate men who had provoked him. With mechanical precision, swift movement and unconstrained brunt, he was rendering men unconscious, even breaking bones. The loud thuds of collapsing bodies was testament that the predator, the Winter Soldier, was still embedded in his fight system. She had tried to form a force field, but she didn't know how effective it had been, given that she couldn't focus. Her anxiety had surged and she was expecting the worst. She wanted to protect Bucky from the guns. After a few minutes, there was no more noise, just silence, and a lingering smell of gunpowder. The door unlocked.

She only took one step forward and put his arm around him. Bucky felt her body shudder a little as her right arm unraveled from her side and settled around his torso. For the first time ever, she felt the coldness of his metal arm, lightly settle on her body, touching her waist. He was stiff as a board, but didn't resist her embrace. For a moment, she wanted all her pain to vanish away with the warmth of his body. He could feel her desperation and pain, consumed by worry over her arm.         "It's ok", he said, "I'm here".

In a sense it was so grotesque; bodies lying around as she held on to him. She extracted all sense of warmth and comfort from the embrace, reveling in the firmness of his body against hers, the sense of pain losing potency from this support. "We need to leave", he said, "they know where you are."

She was quick to follow Bucky, stealing one last glance at the dead Russian. No word was said as the escaped the building, ran through the alleys, left darkened by her abilities. The night was cold, or maybe it felt colder because the adrenaline had run out and the body needed to cool down. It was only 15 minutes later, when they entered a cemetery, that he motioned to stop. After catching his breath, he asked "Who was that guy?"

She tried to level her breathing. Her forehead felt colder to her because the anxiety also made her sweat profusely. If she were being honest, she didn't know how long she could keep up the "put-together" act before just letting it all go and telling Buck everything about the case. She wouldn’t give it up, of course, but at least she wouldn’t have to keep up a façade either.  There was no veil she could put before him, his eyes were struck with worry as he traced her body in the moonlight. He remained speechless. He knew why she was quiet; the girl who always eluded his understanding seemed to be like an open book to him.

  "Amy... you can trust me", he replied, "I won't tell anyone. But you have to be safe."

She looked at his face and tried to drink in the pain she felt. "You'll just tell everyone where I am. They'll get to this point in the case. I know, I sound stupid Bucky, but I really want to do this on my own, like I was doing before." "Amy, there is not a single case in our work that doesn't need anyone's help at SOME point. We use spies, whistle blowers, messengers, technology, friends... all of them. I want to know what you know. I won't jeopardize your mission, I promise. I can't leave you alone like this either."

She was honestly surprised. A few months ago, this man would have walked away at the first sign of exclusion. He would have left without any further questions. He never bothered anyone with his presence and didn't get offended if he was ignored. But this man was behaving a little differently. This man was trying to reach out to her, offer some help. Perhaps it was because he shared the same predicament with her.

  "Trust me, please", he began. For one moment, she stopped herself, she didn't know why. The thought that he had once been a trained assassin for HYDRA rose it's head. What if he turns? What if this was all pretend? But she chastised herself and nodded. "The man who got killed, he was supposed to meet me some time later. I don't know when or where, but he had important information. I haven't even looked at the file before all this happened." She pulled out the file from her bag and illuminated it's contents, while Bucky surveyed every side to see if they were alone. "I KNEW IT!", she held the file firmly. "He IS alive..." Bucky's face expressed confusion. She shook her head and assembled her bag again. "We need to be out of here first." .-.-.-.--.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.--.-.-.-.-.-.-.     

Taglist: https://my-favorite-fics-and-imagines.tumblr.com

[hasspartacusdoneanythingwrong]

The Flame-Soaked City, Part 5

With CasCu joining them, the master triad and co. head deeper into the heart of the Fuyuki singularity. What will they uncover as they approach the source of the altered history? (I mean if you play FGO you probably know this already, but hush. We’re hyping up the mystery here!)

TW: implied body horror, villain that would hurt a child, Lev Lainur

If it’s between <triangle brackets>, that’s a mental note between masters, and if it’s between {whatever these are} it’s the viewpoint character.

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4

{Jeanne}

With the arrival of the new caster, we not only gained a powerful ally, but knowledge about this singularity. What started as a Holy Grail War quickly became a fight for survival as the Saber converted the other servants to her side somehow.

Spartacus was very happy to find out there was a "tyrant" taking control of the situation. If it means he will actually help us from here on out we won't fight it. The best news however is that our caster friend knows healing magic! We're so close to being able to see again!

Kat: <Hey Jeanne, why are you saying all that stuff that just happened?>

Jeanne: <Because Cris never pays attention, and we don't need them getting lost next time they front.>

Cris: <Oh come on, I'm not that bad!>

Jeanne: <Really? What is Caster's name?>

Cris: <So you were saying about our eyes getting healed?>

Cu: Alright, we're all set little lady! Let's see what we can do about those eyes of yours.

Romani: Your vitals are good on our end, Hannah. We'll probably have to do this again when you get back, but the less time spent wandering in the dark the better.

Cu: I don't need you to tell me my magic works, mage.

Marie: Go ahead with the procedure, Caster.

The runes surrounding us lit up, infusing with mana as.... nothing happened.

Cris: Oh, you have got to be shitting me.

Cu: It's quite alright, you're not the first maiden to be taken aback by my-

Cris: No jackass, I still can't see anything!

Mash: But the spell worked, senpai! Your eyes look perfectly healthy!

Cu: You wouldn't happen to be cursed, would you?

Romani: It's more likely one of two things. Either we need to heal Hannah in the present, or the problem is psychosomatic. Either way, it's not a problem we can solve now.

Jeanne: That's unfortunate, but at least we're not any worse off for trying. It gave us plenty of time for a break, at least. We should get moving towards- As we stood up to move, our foot caught a rock in the worst way, and we took a spill.

--- {Cris}

Cris: Agh, motherfuck... er...

Holy shit, I can see again! God, blasted hellscape never looked so good. Wow Mash does not look comfortable in that armor. And that old guy in blue must be caster.

Cris: Wait, were you flirting with me? You're like 40, what the hell?

Mash: This is wonderful! Thank goodness!

Marie: We might just have a chance now.

Jeanne: <Maybe switching reset something?>

Kat: <That doesn't make any sense.>

Jeanne: <I know, I am just spitballing here.>

Cu: It's a step in the right direction, but her eyesight is clearly off. I'm still plenty young.

Cris: We can argue on the way. <Jeanne, you remember which way we need to go, right?>

Jeanne: <Leave it to me. We should travel much faster now.>

---- {Jeanne}

And with that switch, we are back in darkness.

Jeanne: That is less than ideal.

Marie: What happened now?

Jeanne: Hold on, I need to test something. <Kat, do you mind?>

--- {Kat}

We can see! Everybody's starting to look a little freaked out.

Kat: <Wow, those hassans really aren't wearing much, huh? They're pretty!>

Cris: <That's enough ogling, I'm turning this body around.>

--- {Cris}

Jesus, why the hell was Spartacus standing right behind us?

Cris: <Jeanne, why are you blushing? ...God, I can't take you two anywhere.> I pull us away from the big lug and back towards the sane part of the party.

Cris: Okay, tests done. The good news is I can see. Mostly. The bad news is that while we mostly have control over when it occurs, we might go blind at random, or if I get like, surprised or highly emotional.

Marie: And how, exactly, did you figure all that out by gawking at your servants?

Kat: Intuition.

Romani: You'll have to deal with it for now. After we get you back here we can work on a more permanent solution.

After we got on the road things went pretty smooth. The skeletons were pretty much a joke now that we could see them coming, and Caster even found time to teach Mash some new tricks. We barely managed to keep Spartacus from picking a fight with that berserker that's running around. Kat chatted with Saber and the assassins (I kinda zoned out for that tbh) and eventually we reached our destination. We hadn't even entered the cave yet, and already we could feel the raw energy pouring out of the thing.

Mash: Senpai, look out!

Mash threw herself in front of us as a sword, twisted, almost to the point of being unrecognizable, embedded itself in Mash's shield.

???: Sorry, but that's as close as you'll be getting to Excalibur.

Cris: What the hell?

Cu: I was wondering when you'd show up, Archer. I see you're still Saber's faithful knight, as always.

Archer: I don't know anything about that. All I'm sure of is there's an old pain showing up again.

Cu: You lot run on ahead. I've got some personal business to take care of.

Spartacus: Let him deal with the gatekeeper, we must strike at the heart of this tyranny!

Cris: Wait wha-

Spartacus grabbed us like a sack of potatos and ran into the cave. As we were getting dragged along, the opening salvos of their duel lit up the entrance behind us.

Jeanne: Assassin! Keep a couple personas near the entrance, and let us know if we'll have to deal with Archer.

Most of the remaining Hassans peeled off from the main group. Mash and the other servants were able to easily keep up with us, though Marie had to be carried on one of the larger hassan's shoulders.

Finally our bumpy ride ended in the opening of a large room. In its center stood a crater, with a massive beam of coalescing energy running from the floor to the ceiling.

Marie: The greater grail... what's that doing in Japan?

Spartacus: Face your end, oppressor! We have come to finish your reign of-

Before he could finish his sentence, a beam of energy burst forth from near the crater. It sucked the light out of whatever it touched, and when the dust settled, less than half of Spartacus' torso fell to the ground. I took a step closer to Mash.

Saber Alter: I have no patience for fools.

A servant clad in black platemail calmly strode forth, her sword still crackling with energy. With the veins on her armor pulsating, the entire thing almost seemed alive.

Saber Alter: You there, girls. You both have an interesting noble phantasm. I would like to test them.

With no other fanfare, she rocketed forwards, and her sword met Mash's shield. Mash and Saber Lily settled into their routine again, but Mash's training was already paying off. The older saber clearly wasn't used to fights against someone who could block her sword, and Mash took advantage of that to force openings for Lily to strike.

Alter was clearly going to lose, so she disengaged and fired off another beam from her noble phantasm. Mash responded in kind, and the black energy dissipated against the shield of light.

However, Alter expected this. and was simply using the beam as cover to get in closer again. Mash never saw the kick to her side coming, and she was easily sent flying, leaving Saber Lily alone with the experienced swordswoman.

It should have been a bloodbath. It was definitely one-sided, but for some reason Alter was holding back. Lily was mercilessly beaten down to the ground, but there was the slightest bit of hesitation that grew with each attack.

Kat: <Hey Jeanne? Do the scanny thing. Trust me.>

--- {Jeanne}

Jeanne: <Okay? I don't know what you- oh.>

We could no longer see the action, but we could still feel their spirit origins. Alter's was twisted by several things, much like the shadow servants we faced up to this point, but at her core, one thing was obvious. The saber lying on the ground and the saber standing over her were the same person.

Kat: <You guys seriously didn't notice they have the same face?>

Alter: It is useless, child. I am inevitable. I am what it means to be king.

Lily: Even if that's true... even if I'll be like you one day... I'm not you now, and I won't stop fighting you here!

Lily struggled to her feet, and focused all she had left into one final attack.

Lily: Sword of Selection, grant me your power!

Alter: Vortigern, Hammer of the Vile King reverse the rising sun.

Lily: Cleave the wicked! Caliburn!

Alter: Swallow the light, Excalibur Morgan!

The energy of their swords clashed, light and dark twisting around each other before it was all unleashed in an explosion that shook the cave.

--- {Cris}

Both sabers landed heavily. Alter lands in a heap near Spartacus' body, armor cracked from the impact. On the opposite side, Lily lays still, her spirit origin already starting to come apart. Alter pulls herself to her feet.

Alter: I will make this quick.

Before she can take a step, however, a large hand grabs her foot. Spartacus' body hasn't reformed enough to move yet, but he's alive, and that's enough.

Spartacus: HAHAHAHA! Come oppressor! Break your sword against my love!

Cris: Fuck yeah! I totally knew he was okay.

Jeanne: <Are any of us good at lying?>

To her credit, she damn near tried to do exactly what he said. Saber Alter launched blow after blow into the arm hold her in place. Each swing of her sword pulling energy from the greater grail and forcing it directly into Spartacus. We took this chance to run over to Lily. Mash had finally pulled herself from the wall she got launched into and was already there.

Mash: Senpai, your orders!

Cris: Just get your shield up and be ready!

Finally, Spartacus' body had enough. The energy stored within it writhed and began to break through, covering the cave in a bright purple light. Spartacus himself never stopped laughing the entire time.

Alter, and everything else that wasn't behind Mash's shield, was devastated by the explosion. When the dust settled, Spartacus was alone, collapsed on the ground, still smiling. ---- {Kat}

Kat: Lily? Lily it's over, you did it!

Lily barely stirred, her spirit origin was falling apart.

Lily: You were right, Master... Our journey was a lot shorter than I thought.

Kat: No! No, no, just hang in there. We can go get Cu, and he can... do something, I don't know!

Lily: I know this wasn't the best place to meet, but it was fun, right?

And then she turned to dust in our hands.

----- {Cris}

Kat was completely inconsolable, so I had to take over to keep things stable.

Marie: That was unorthodox, but well done. I guess even a third-rate mage can produce first rate work when pushed. Several points are still unclear, but we can call this mission a success.

Marie: If it is any consolation, now that Saber Lily has been recorded by Chaldeas, you should have an easier time resummoning her. She won't have any memory of this place, but that'll be true of any servant you summon in Chaldea.

???: Well, well, well. I did not expect you to get this far, Master of Chaldea. You've performed well beyond our expectations. And survived beyond the limits of my patience.

The voice came from everywhere at once, a cacophony that could barely be called speaking.

Cris: <Jeanne?>

Jeanne: <I'm on it!>

--- {Jeanne}

Suddenly, it appeared, standing over the remnants Alter left behind.

Jeanne: <what is that. what is that. what is that what is that>

Kat: <Jeanne?>

Jeanne: <what is that what the fuck is that What The Fuck Is That What. Is. That.>

---- {Kat}

It was Lev. We couldn't hear what he was saying over Jeanne's... whatever was happening to her. Mash put herself between us. Marie ran straight for him. Then hellfire opened beneath her feet. Olga's voice cut through.

Marie: No! Stop! I haven't even accomplished anything yet! From the moment I was born, I've never been accepted by anyone!

And she was gone. Jeanne finally calmed down.

Lev: You fool, Romani! You haven't figured it out yet? The future isn't "missing". It's been incinerated. It, and everything else outside of Chaldeas' protection. You lost the grace of our king, and this is the natural result.

The ground beneath us began to rumble.

Lev: Ah, the singularity is collapsing already. Farewell, Romani, Mash, Candidate #48. I have many places to be.

He was gone.

Mash: Doctor, perform an emergency rayshift, now!

Romani: This will be close, I might only be able to pull one of you out.

Mash: Senpai!

Jeanne: Mash!

Romani: You're not helping!

Mash and I joined hands. The world fell apart, and everything went black.

{Cris} We came to with a start, on the floor of the command center. Already some of the hassans were leading a cleanup effort to make the place more presentable. Mash is still alive, thank God, and Romani's also here.

Romani: Good, you're awake. I'm sorry to dump so much on you already, but time is of the essence. Are you alright with a briefing right now?

Cris: I mean it's not like I'm going to feel better any time soon, let's rip the bandaid off.

Romani: The main topic: Lev was right. Human history has been incinerated. Almost no space nor time on earth has been spared, culminating in the end of time at the end of 2018. The few points that still exist are these:

With that, Chaldeas lit up with seven bright points, each one with data pouring out of it.

Romani: These seven singularities are turning points in history that have been altered to change humanity's present. Chaldea is protected from this effect for now, but that protection won't last forever. Here's what we need to do: We need to fix these singularities if we're to have any hope of saving humanity. You are our only master, and the servants you've summoned are our best bet. I know you don't have much of a choice here, but I have to ask: are you willing to do this?

Cris: Of course.

Kat: <We will.>

Jeanne: <For Marie.>

Romani: Excellent. Well then! Our object is to protect and recover human history. Our opponent is history itself. To challenge our fate is an act of blasphemy against the past itself, but this is our only chance of survival. This is now the highest and only priority of humanity: a Grand Order.

Cris: Well, Spartacus? How's that sound? A rebellion against fate itself? Spartacus simply grinned, but for the first time it seemed almost genuine.

[jonathanvik]

Starlight Dream - Chapter 8

“Yes, suffer more!” A girl hiding behind a pillar said, watching her evil plan coming into motion. Emiyo watched from the sidelines expectantly, curious.

Emiyo waited and waited, but still, nobody screamed or howled in pain. She scanned around the packed food court and saw people going about their usual daily lives, laughing and having fun. Everything seemed normal, making Emiyo furrow her brow in confusion.

“Yes! Their suffering is so perfect!” The girl said again, her fairy partner smirking in satisfaction. The girl was a tiny thing, standing shorter than most pre-teen-aged girls. Her hair was bright pink, cut into a quick bob.

“Am I missing something?” Emiyo intensified her search, but found nothing but an average day at the mall.

“I don’t see anyone dead or unconscious.” Nyx flew around, searching for anything out of the ordinary. “It must be so subtle it’s invisible!”

“What, come on!” An annoyed teenage boy with pimples said behind a counter at a burger place. “I just filled that!”

“Hey, what gives? Where’s the ketchup? I’m in a hurry!” A customer said. “My movie starts in ten minutes!”

The boy winced. “Sorry, sir. I’ll get some right away.”

“Victory!” The girl said, her fist pumping upwards.

“Victory in what, exactly?” Emiyo asked behind the girl, who yelped in surprise.

“Emiyo, uh, hi! You aren’t usually out in the field.” Himari said, wearing a nervous grin on her face.

“Yeah, it’s nice to see you!” Liam, her partner, gave a reassuring smile.

“You never answered my question.”

“You know, magical girl stuff!” Himari said. “Causing all the suffering I can.”

Emiyo gestured to the calm food court, her patience thin. “What suffering?”

“Lots of it! We stole all that store’s condiments.” Liam replied. “Remember how annoyed that man was? He might miss the beginning of his movie! Now that employee needs to refill the condiment stand! What a bother, right?”

Himari gave an emphatic nod. “Right! And that worker got yelled at! No one likes that!”

Emiyo fought the urge to rub her temple, feeling a headache coming on. “This is your idea of suffering? Really?! Suffering is having your body crushed and living in never-ending agony. Suffering is losing everyone you’ve ever loved and having nothing to live for. Suffering is living in a nuclear wasteland!”

“That boy seemed pretty miserable to me,” Himari muttered under her breath.

Himari coughed, regaining her confidence. “I think you’re a little confused. I’m actually playing the long game!”

Despite herself, this piqued Emiyo’s interest. Perhaps she’d misjudged the girl?

“Yeah, nuclear wastelands are great and all, but it’s tacky and too easy.” Himari puffed out her chest. “I’m destroying worlds with a thousand cuts!”

“Sorry, what?”

“It’s simple. I’m causing countless small instances of suffering so they’ll build into something greater and more explosive. People will bottle up their frustration until they burst and cause untold havoc!”

Emiyo’s eye twitched. “This is your brilliant plan, really?”

“Totally evil, right?” The girl and her partner gave an emphatic nod.

In her head, Emiyo’s headache intensified. “No wonder the suffering levels in your universes have only increased by .00000000001 percent.”

“I’m playing the long game.”

“For two hundred years?!”

“The very long game.”

You incompetent little! Emiyo wanted to throttle the girl but kept professional calm. An outburst would be unseemly. “If this is the caliber of sector 8’s magical girls, no wonder the suffering levels haven’t increased much.”

Of sector 8’s magical girls, Himari is one of the few remaining who still lived. Emiyo had found the others dead, killed by the rebel. Why didn’t she save Emiyo the trouble and kill Himari too? It’d be so easy!

“Look, I’m currently assessing the entirety of Sector 8. When I get back, your universes’ suffering better increase by at least twenty percent!”

“Don’t worry, I’ll just accelerate my plans somewhat.” Himari pulled out a small vial, smirking. “I plan to put this into the water supply!”

Hope sparked in Emiyo’s heart. Poisoning water was an excellent way to spread fear and panic!

“It makes the water taste funny. Not horrible, but still unpleasant.” Himari said. “It will force people to buy bottled water instead! What a needless expense, right?”

Emiyo put her face into her hands and screamed.

---

Takako howled in pain as her opponent tossed her onto the padded mat.

“Are you okay?” Seina asked, concerned.

“No, it’s fine.” She said, rubbing her bruised arm. Even without her magical girl powers, Seina hit like a truck. Takako returned to her feet, determined to go again. Her pride refused to leave until she’d scored several points against her rival.

“Darn it.” Takako cursed as her back struck the padded floor once again. “I’m much quicker than you. Yet, you keep beating me!” Somehow, the girl seemed more like a wall than a person, deflecting back everything Takako threw against her.

“That’s because you aren’t sticking with what I’ve been teaching you.” Mr. Kiyojiro said. “You always go for the dirty move rather than the practical one.”

“But it’s totally predictable and lame!” Takako waved a dismissive hand. “Not my style at all.”

Seina smiled. “I suppose, but you always leave yourself wide open. You aren’t working on your defense enough.”

Takako turned away. “Whatever. My genius is too brilliant for you to understand.”

Seina sighed, but a slight smile appeared on her lips. “Okay, Maeko. Fine. Want to go again?”

“Always, best out five?”

Despite her best efforts, Seina still won most exchanges, moving with lighting precision. Yet, Takako didn’t mind it. Instead, it only pushed her to work harder. She hadn’t been this excited in decades. Usually, she found her magical girl duties dull, but she enjoyed the challenge Seina presented. The fighting made her feel alive. It’d be a shame when Seina inevitably died in days ahead, but Takako would enjoy her company until then. They chatted as they walked across town, enjoying the scenery. People were working hard to rebuild, invigorated with a new purpose after the vampire’s fall. Despite herself, their grit and determination impressed Takako.

“Is that the new school?” Aiko looked down towards the skeleton of a building from their vantage point.

Seina flinched. “Yes, Lotus High School.”

“No way! The Prime Minister named a school after you?” Aiko beamed with pride.

“Yeah,” Seina replied, with little enthusiasm. “They wanted to call it Kamiyama High School, but I vetoed that idea. And the statue.”

Aiko rolled her eyes. “Please, you deserve some recognition! You saved the world!”

“I guess.” Seina said, still unhappy. Uncle Kenji is adamant I should attend it once it’s finished. Isn’t that the worst, going to a school named after you?”

“Don’t worry, I'll be by your side if anyone bugs you about it.” Aiko puffed out her chest. “Never thought I’d ever attend high school. I’m so looking forward to it. Do you think it’ll be anything like those mangas Maeko likes?”

“I hope so,” Seina said. “Clubs, romance, lunch on the roof, meeting with friends every day. It sounds nice.”

Takako rolled her eyes. The dullest, most ordinary things always infatuated Aiko and Seina. What next? Wanting to attend cram school too? Even thinking about it gave Takako bad memories.

“How about you, Maeko?” Aiko said. “What are you looking forward to in high school?” The two girls looked at her expectantly.

Shows what you know. I’m too old to care about things like high school! She paused, realizing, despite being several hundred years old, she’d never attended high school. Soon, both Seina and Aiko would have a much higher education level than her. Takako had run away from home long before high school age. Not that she cared, of course. Takako was smart enough without it.

“Eh, seems boring if you ask me,” Takako said, not impressed..

“How can you say that after the vampires basically starved us of any education?” Seina said, irritated. “I had to learn basic reading and math in secret! Uncle Kenji had to risk his life to teach me how to add!”

Takako took a step back, surprised by the usually meek girl’s angry outburst. “Okay, okay. Sorry,”

“I’m sorry too.” Seina said.” I lost my temper. It just frustrates me what basic things the vampires denied us. We were just things to them, not even people!”

“I know what you mean,” Aiko said, nodding. “But the vampires can’t stop us now! Humanity can’t be stopped!”

“Right! Oh, I can’t wait for high school to start!” Seina said dreamily. “Mr. Kiyojiro’s tutoring is great, but I want to learn from a real teacher! Uh, no offense, Mr. Kiyojiro.”

“I’m not offended.” Mr. Kiyojiro said, finally joining the conversation. “Teaching from random textbooks is awkward.” He rubbed the back of his neck. “I’m not a great teacher.”

“Oh, I don’t mind. Any chance to learn!” Seina replied, trying to reassure her bodyguard and tutor. “You’re doing an excellent job teaching me Japanese. It’s my favorite subject. And I’m not too shabby at English either.”

“Private tutor, you’re lucky. I just wish I could understand half of my lessons.” Aiko rolled her eyes. “Ms. Inouye still hasn’t created a coherent study plan yet.”

“Hey, the adults are working hard to teach you youngsters.” Mr. Kiyojiro said. “A few kinks in the plan aren’t unexpected. You’ve already lost too many years. How can you become proper adults without the proper education?”

“No argument here.” Aiko said, and Seina nodded.

“Sure, but being a proper adult means getting a job and paying taxes and rent.” Takako said, piping in.

Mr. Kiyojiro coughed into his fist. “Well, yes. But, that’s part of growing up. You can’t stay a child forever.”

“Except, Seina will stay a child forever,” Takako said, pointing out the flaw in the bodyguard’s logic.

“Not in my heart. I can get a job anyway!” Seina said, retorting the point.

“You actually want a job?” Takako asked in disbelief. It sounded like such a needless bother. “You’re a magical girl! There’s nothing stopping you from doing whatever you want.”

“Yes, actually,” Seina replied, puffing out her chest. “I’ll still be an adult, even if I appear ten!”

Colten’s eyes lit in awe. “You’re so responsible, Seina!”

Takako snorted. “Stupid if you ask me.”

“Trust me, Maeko,” Seina said. “Being a magical girl isn’t as appealing as it sounds.”

“Whatever. Well, I better get going.” After all that hard training, Takako wanted to gorge herself on shaved ice and watch some anime.

“Later!” Seina and Aiko waved as she left.

“You’re too comfortable with those two,” Lilha said from an alleyway. “You’d almost think you’d become friends.”

“Friends? Not likely.” Takako was too evil and hardhearted for such nonsense.

“Good,” Lilha replied. “Come. There are matters we need to discuss. It won’t be long until we’re ready.”

“You’re acting already? I’ve barely learned anything. Mr. Kiyojirois still teaching us the basics!”

Lilha raised an eyebrow. “Are we meant to wait years while you play with Seina?”

“We are both immortal.” For someone who was ageless, Lilha certainly was impatient. “Is it that important for you to return to your nightmare world?”

“We are vampires. We rule.”

“Okay, but why ban schools? Why make children work 70-hour weeks?” Takako couldn’t resist asking these questions any further.

“The humans needed to know their place. My husband was always adamant about grinding them down as much as possible.”

“Why? Aren’t these policies more likely to cause humanity’s extinction?”

“It wouldn’t get that far. We’d keep them alive. They are our pets.”

“You didn’t answer my question. Why?”

“You’re a magical girl. It’s your job to make people suffer.” Lilha gave her a pointed look, making Takako hesitate. It was true. Why was she caring about this?

“Well?”

“Have you lost your nerve? Don’t you hate Siena as deeply as I do? I’ve seen how she humiliates you. Are you happy always being her inferior?”

Takako stood straighter. “I’m the strongest. Always will be. We will kill Seina.”

“Good. I see no further use in having you train with Seina. You’ve learned enough. I fear you’re getting too cozy with her. It’s time we enact our plan.” Lilha shone with excitement. “By tomorrow, Seina Kamiyama will be dead!”

Takako nodded, realizing her doubts were foolish. This was what they’d agreed upon. She glanced back, watching Seina talking and laughing with her friends without a care in the world. It left a strange bitterness in Takako’s heart. But no, for the sake of the magical girls and Starlight Dream, Seina’s death was necessary. After giving the girl a final look, Takako focused on the task at hand. No more useless doubts or distractions.

---

“A day out? Sounds great!” Seina said. Mr. Kiyojiro had given them the day off, and they were debating how to best spend it.

Aiko beamed. “I know this cute little place that’s becoming really popular. It’s super trendy!”

“Clothes shopping?” Colten sighed from his perch on Seina’s head. “Okay.”

Seina patted her fairy friend on the head. “It won’t be long, then we’ll get some ice cream.”

Colten perked up. “Really?”

Aiko snorted in amusement. “You spoil him too much. Yes, I promise it’ll be quick. I haven’t forgotten you, Colten. I have some activities planned for you too. There’s this street performer I heard about that might interest you. He does Kamishibai.”

Colten’s eyes lit in excitement. It also piqued Seina’s interest. Since DVD players and working TVs were still rare, the art form had reemerged on Osaka’s streets to entertain people. Though because of her training, she hadn’t caught one yet. The art form used still pictures accompanied by the performer, who narrates the story. Her fairy partner bounced on her head, unable to contain his excitement, making Seina giggle.

“Kamishibai?” Maeko said, showing genuine interest. “I haven’t seen one of those in forever.” Mr. Kiyojiro nodded in agreement, also genuinely interested.

Seina blinked. “Really? How?” The vampires were strict about punishing anyone who dared defy their edicts. Even singing could get you killed. Maeko’s past was so bizarre. Did her taskmaster even do his job?

Maeko coughed into her fist. “When I was really young. You know, before the vampires.”

Seina nodded, embarrassed by her misunderstanding. Unfortunately, most of her memories before the darkness were scarce and blurry. Worse, they consisted of people she’d rather not consider. Their presence tainted her childhood worse than anything the vampires had done. It sent blazing furious hatred through her and almost brought tears to her eyes. Why had her parents’ betrayal hurt her so much? Despite trying to forget them, thoughts of them returned at random moments, hurting her all over again. Sensing his partner’s distress, Colten rubbed her back, calming her.

“Are you okay?” Maeko said, worried by Seina’s sudden change in mood.

“It’s fine.” Her parents didn’t matter anymore. Besides, she had a new family and they wouldn’t hurt her as they had.

“There’s this ramen stand that recently opened up. I’d like to try. Would you mind having lunch there?” Mr. Kiyojiro said.

“Sounds great. Is there anywhere else you’d like to go?” Seina felt guilty for dragging her bodyguard around town without his input. Was he as bored by girls shopping as Colten was? But Mr. Kiyojiro only waved his hand, indicating his wishes didn’t matter. After some consideration, Seina decided she’d at least allow him to pick where they’d eat supper too.

“I have a suggestion.” Maeko had been quiet throughout the entire conversation, drawing everyone’s attention. “Before going anywhere else, there’s this manga shop nearby I’d like to try. I heard it sells brand new manga. I’m curious if the rumors are true.”

“Sounds fun.” Aiko replied. “It will give Colten something to read while he’s waiting!”

Brand new manga? That sounded interesting. It brought a smile to Seina’s heart. Little by little, humanity was reclaiming their lives. The vampire’s reign was becoming a distant memory.

“Is this the right place?” Aiko glanced around, eying their surroundings with curiosity. They’d entered a part of Osaka that still remained mostly abandoned. The streets were empty, but Seina couldn’t help but feel she was being watched. Yet, when she looked, she spotted no one around. Odd.

“Just down this alley, and we’ll be there,” Maeko said, pointing towards a colorful sign that showed the shop’s name, Shinobu Manga Emporium. Seina peeked down the alley and saw an open door, seeing shelves of colorful manga ready for purchase.

A sense of wrongness overcame Seina, and she stopped her step. The feeling of being watched intensified, but she still couldn’t locate its source. Aiko picked on her anxiety.

“Is something the matter?” Aiko glaced around, a worried expression on her face.

Maeko snorted. “Nothing’s the matter. It’s just a manga shop.”

She gave her bodyguard a meaningful look, and he nodded in agreement. He’d also sensed the prevailing wrongness. “How about we go somewhere else? This place seems kinda sketchy.” Before Maeko could offer a retort, Seina jumped aside as a humongous axe flew towards where her head had been a moment earlier. It flew past and crashed into a nearby building leveling it with a resounding crash.

A large vampire emerged from literally nowhere, brandishing an axe almost larger than his body. “You got lucky. Next time I won't miss.” Several more muscular vampires emerged, surrounding them. Aiko screamed in terror and hid behind Seina.

Maeko rubbed her temple. “Jentin, you idiot! Your eagerness alerted her to the trap. Never mind. We do this the hard way instead!” Much to Seina’s shock, her friend pulled out a brooch similar to hers. “Change Change, Magical Love Genocide Dress Up!”

What the heck was happening? The veil of illusion disappeared, revealing a face she hadn’t expected. “Takako?”

The dark magical girl smirked. “Is it that shocking? Now be a good girl and die.” She pointed her black pistol point-blank towards Seina’s midsection and fired

[edenmemes]

apex legends sentence starters

❝ have you prepared for your end? i have. ❞ ❝ be careful. i don’t carry all these weapons for nothing. ❞ ❝ fear is my currency. ❞ ❝ this didn’t have to be your end. you chose this fate. ❞ ❝ let's not finish quickly. where's the fun in that? ❞ ❝ so i like to have a little fun. so what? ❞ ❝ we'll get along beautifully, just don't touch my things. ❞ ❝ you might be of use to me yet. ❞ ❝ your will to fight is admirable...but in this cae, pointless. ❞ ❝ you fight without honor. stragetic. ❞ ❝ you shuld have scurried away when you had the chance. ❞ ❝ either you're with me or you're against me, or you're with me and against me, cause  that happens sometimes. ❞ ❝ a faint heart never won a lady like me. ❞ ❝ what’s mine is mine, and what’s yours is mine. ❞ ❝ there’s a void in your heart. ❞ ❝ you're not the first blemish i’ve cut away. you won’t be the last. ❞ ❝ i’m always dressed to kill. ❞ ❝ would you like a kiss to make it better? ❞ ❝ a gun is like a beautiful woman. hold her tight, or someone else will. ❞ ❝ don’t go thinking i owe you anything. ❞ ❝ business is my pleasure. ❞ ❝ i had dreamt of quiet like that, but now that i had it, i was terrified. and alone. ❞ ❝ trust the gust of the wind. ❞ ❝ you got blood on my shoes! ❞ ❝ the quickest way to a man’s heart is through the chest. ❞ ❝ looking for me? here i am. ❞ ❝ the secret to life ain’t happiness. it’s knowing the unhappy times won’t last forever. ❞ ❝ i used to fear many things, but that man is gone. ❞ ❝ we had fun, right? i had fun. ❞ ❝ i love you. and i can’t wait to start our life together. ❞ ❝ i didn’t do it for you. ❞ ❝ you may be stronger, but i’m smarter. ❞ ❝ get up before i kill you myself. ❞ ❝ what if your parents could see this now? ❞ ❝ this is the only life i know. ❞ ❝ the one you should have concerns with is me. ❞ ❝ you are a good killer, aren’t you? ❞ ❝ you are no coward. remember that. ❞ ❝ don’t be embarassed. it happens to everyone...sometimes. ❞ ❝ there is more honor in death than in life without test. ❞ ❝ when you have nothing else to lose, it’s easy to win. ❞ ❝ knowledge is power...and pain. ❞ ❝ get your claws off of me. ❞ ❝ i ain’t afraid of you, you hear me? ❞ ❝ goodnight, beautiful. ❞ ❝ it’s not just about having it. it’s about taking it. ❞ ❝ maybe we’ll be friends next time. ❞ ❝ i had to claw my way to the top. do you think i’m going to let you stop me? ❞ ❝ in another life, this may have been different. ❞ ❝ this didn’t have to happen. ❞ ❝ you got this. just look in front of you, behind you, above you, all at once. you'll be fine. ❞ ❝ i swore i'd never waste my life on a vendetta again. don't test that vow. ❞ ❝ you’re either ready or you’re an idiot. ❞ ❝ don’t worry, i still love you. ❞ ❝ take your pride, and cherish it. ❞ ❝ i love when the spotlight’s on me. ❞ ❝ the most beautiful creatures have the deadliest venom. ❞ ❝ i make it look easy, don’t i? ❞ ❝ maybe i’ll let you live to tell the tale...maybe not. ❞ ❝ alright so my place is a little sloppy, so what? doesn't mean i'm a mess in the field. ❞ ❝ smell that? that’s the sweet aroma of fear. ❞ ❝ i want your heart. ❞ ❝ is everything you do half-assed? ❞ ❝ it’s hell. every second of my existence is hell. ❞ ❝ you’ve been marked for death. ❞ ❝ step quieter next time. ❞ ❝ wanna take me out? i’ll buy the drinks. ❞ ❝ i’ve been through hell to get here. ❞ ❝ look into my eyes. i want to remember this. ❞ ❝ what made you think you were special? ❞ ❝ beg for your life. it’s good for both of us. ❞ ❝ next time you’ll do better. ❞ ❝ teammates are good. they do nicely as shields. ❞ ❝ go on, it’s okay to be afraid. ❞ ❝ champion, challenger...means little if you die. ❞ ❝ brought to your knees by a beautiful woman? don’t be surprised. ❞ ❝ you should have stayed home today. ❞ ❝ your skill isn’t half bad. ❞ ❝ i strike swift and deadly like my dad. he called it "business", i call it a party. ❞ ❝ a lady never kills and tells. ❞ ❝ most beautiful things are fragile. not me. ❞ ❝ you and i are not equals. ❞ ❝ and here’s what’s left of your legacy. ❞ ❝ they made me a killing machine. who am i to argue with programming? ❞ ❝ don’t worry, i’m just perfect. ❞ ❝ pick out something nice for me, won’t you? ❞ ❝ so tell me, one liar to another, what brings you here? ❞ ❝ i’m a man eater and a lady killer. i enjoy the variety. ❞ ❝ i knew this would happen, just didn’t know when. ❞ ❝ i know more than you will ever know. ❞ ❝ you think i’m going to help you? it’ll be a cold day in hell before i ever help someone like you. ❞ ❝ what...you think just ‘cause i’ve only known you for a day, that i don’t know you? ❞ ❝ if you think you’re dying, it can kill you. ❞ ❝ you can’t be overdressed or overarmed. ❞ ❝ follow me and i’ll gut you like a fish. ❞ ❝ half of you is always in shadow, no matter how well lit the room is. ❞ ❝ i’m the diamond, you’re the rough. ❞ ❝ you can rest now...i never will. ❞ ❝ men. if they had half a brain, they’d be considered gifted. ❞ ❝ quit your whinging and fight. ❞ ❝ i know if we fought together, things would be different. ❞ ❝ pain...death...nothing phases me. ❞ ❝ they say you’re most alive when you’re in love. ❞ ❝ your final hour can’t be escaped. embrace it. ❞ ❝ i may not look like a fighter, but strength isn’t everything. ❞ ❝ you ain’t that bright if you want to take me on. ❞ ❝ come on, you can’t forget this face. ❞ ❝ we are our future, not our past. ❞ ❝ my light shines bright. ❞ ❝ no one is truly innocent, so we all deserve help. ❞ ❝ i just got you back in my life. i can’t lose you again. ❞ ❝ i once shot someone for just not giving me a message. but that shouldn't scare you...much. ❞ ❝ don’t blame yourself, i deserve the credit. ❞ ❝ never forget that no matter how big you are, the world is always bigger. ❞ ❝ don’t confuse my kindness with weakness. ❞ ❝ i can already smell the blood. ❞ ❝ no, it’s ‘vintage’. there’s a difference. ‘old’ is bad. ‘vintage’ is good. ❞ ❝ like a deer in the headlights...and i’m the headlights. ❞ ❝ you’re looking at a fighter. what am i looking at? ❞ ❝ you need to love what you do, care about what you do, and believe in your ability to do what you do. ❞ ❝ i don’t fear anything. can you say the same? ❞ ❝ we all have our reasons. don’t take this personally. ❞ ❝ let’s just say a little birdie told me all about you. ❞ ❝ that little voice saying there’s still hope? it’s lying. ❞ ❝ shhh...it’s just a bad dream. ❞ ❝ do you have any more questions that might illuminate your ignorance? ❞ ❝ i’m tired of you saving my life. ❞ ❝ does this mean we’re friends now? ❞ ❝ somebody has to lose. that’s just how this works. ❞ ❝ i’m sorry it had to be this way. ❞ ❝ you can only trust those who you know are liars. ❞ ❝ it’s an honor to fight alongside someone with the passion of fire that burns a thousand suns. ❞ ❝ i can see it in your eyes that you have the courage to climb to your rightful place over those who wronged you. ❞ ❝ i know what you’re looking for. come see me. ❞ ❝ may the gods bless you. ❞ ❝ what a sad little creature you are. ❞ ❝ you call yourself a legend? how unwarranted. ❞ ❝ i know what i like, and i know how to get it. ❞ ❝ you’ve got to watch your back. you can’t trust others to do it for you. ❞ ❝ you found me. good eyes. ❞ ❝ someone had to show you your place. ❞ ❝ greed will eat your mortal sorrow. ❞ ❝ you burned bright, but you burned out. ❞ ❝ you did your best...unfortunately. ❞ ❝ want advice? shoot first. ❞ ❝ think carefully about what brought you to this moment. very carefully. ❞ ❝ that may have felt like overkill. it was. ❞ ❝ i’ve seen it all. today’s no different. ❞ ❝ without pain the body suffers in silence. ❞ ❝ bleed, patch, and keep moving. ❞ ❝ i’m not hard to understand. death is my language. ❞ ❝ the biggest trap is your own mind. ❞ ❝ don’t look for sympathy. you won’t find it. ❞ ❝ you can beg for mercy. it won’t help, but go on. ❞ ❝ you’re already falling for me. ❞ ❝ they’ve already forgotten you. ❞ ❝ i’m a lone wolf with a bite. ❞ ❝ don’t beat yourself up. leave that to me. ❞ ❝ another day, another road. ❞ ❝ look for me, and what you wil see you will never forget. ❞ ❝ watch out: i’ll eat you alive. ❞ ❝ labels are a curse, and a target. ❞ ❝ this direction calls to me. let us go. ❞ ❝ you did not fail. you played your part to its end. ❞ ❝ do i have something on my face? you look at me strangely. ❞ ❝ i’ve been described as deadly and beautiful, but i am also approachable. ❞ ❝ humanity is just a word. ❞ ❝ i don’t settle. i’m not made that way. ❞ ❝ the sheer terror that comes with dying...i remember it well. ❞ ❝ now this...this is worth living for. ❞ ❝ once a fight gets too noisy, i bring the silence. ❞ ❝ i don’t consider death cruel, but life is. ❞ ❝ what’s your name? i have to know. ❞ ❝ you should smile more. ❞ ❝ even when you are helping, you are appalling. ❞ ❝ life won’t flash before your eyes. it just...ends. ❞ ❝ the rabbit’s cries brings the wolves. ❞ ❝ so then again i ask, why the frown? ❞ ❝ i hope you rot in hell for what you’ve done. ❞ ❝ i like my women like i like my sake: cool and filtered and on someone else’s tab. ❞ ❝ only fight the battles you know you can win. ❞ ❝ i wanted you to know: you’re still here. at my side. in my heart. in my ear. on the tip of my tongue. and you always will be. ❞ ❝ my former collegues would have eaten you alive. ❞ ❝ i will crush everything that stands in my way. everything. ❞ ❝ i am the master of my fate. ❞ ❝ you fight without honor. stragetic. but you also fight without skill. ❞ ❝ rats can be taught. you are something lesser. ❞ ❝ cast off your fear. now is the time for fascination. ❞ ❝ you’ve got a face like a wet weekend, mate. ❞ ❝ i never forget. i wait for your inevitable misstep. ❞ ❝ i’ll regret that decision until the day i die. ❞ ❝ sometimes you get tired of running, i understand, but you can’t ever stop. ❞ ❝ no one is coming to save you. no one ever was. ❞ ❝ i see my reputation precedes me. ❞ ❝ you’re a fragile little fly, just like the others. i’ll pull your wings off eventually. ❞ ❝ i wish there was more time to spend with you. ❞ ❝ i kept you in the dark about a lot of things...it sounds bad, but it was safer if you didn’t know. ❞ ❝ i pray you found peace. that, above all else, is what matters the most. ❞ ❝ i find no pleasure in taking a life that doesn’t appreciate it. ❞ ❝ ever get the feeling you’re not alone? you’re not. ❞  ❝ there’s still time to run. ❞ ❝ are you still watching? good. this next part is just for you.  ❞ ❝ you kill, i create. this is why i win. ❞ ❝ i fight for the accused, the cursed...the exceptional. ❞ ❝ do not believe any rumors about me that i have not started. ❞ ❝ i don’t figure myself as the best. just as everyone else being the worst. ❞ ❝ you mind if i don’t feel bad for you? right, thanks mate. ❞ ❝ time to go home to your loved ones. ❞ ❝ stand out, or stand aside. ❞ ❝ if you don’t like what you see, put a bag over your head. ❞ ❝ legend...huh. sometimes we all pretend to be something we’re not. ❞ ❝ i’ve been watching you. ❞ ❝ i will not be cast aside. ❞ ❝ i know what i came for. i’ll get it one way or another. ❞ ❝ you can only hide from the inevitable from so long. ❞ ❝ until we meet again. ❞ ❝ if i flirt with you, will that make you move faster? ❞ ❝ no. you don’t get to die before i do. ❞ ❝ you alright, mate? looking a bit messy. ❞ ❝ why can’t i just die already? ❞ ❝ do not look away. courage first, my friend. ❞ ❝ it appears intelligence is just a word to you. ❞ ❝ i’ve never heard of you. ❞ ❝ sometimes you lose, sometimes you’re me. ❞ ❝ quitting is for losers. ❞ ❝ i do not fight to be accepted. i fight to be free of your acceptance. ❞ ❝ know your place. ❞ ❝ cherish the lesson you’re about to learn. ❞ ❝ i do not wait for inspiration; i take it. ❞ ❝ can’t let your guard down because if you do, someone better will take advantage of it. ❞ ❝ i’m also a good liar. ❞ ❝ you will achieve greatness. just not in victory. ❞ ❝ do not hide your true colours. they are your strength. ❞ ❝ a lady never kills and tells. ❞ ❝ you saved me. careful, people will talk. ❞ ❝ i’m not one for bragging but... ❞ ❝ sure, you have reasons. don't we all. ❞ ❝ fancy seeing you here. figured you’d be dead by now. ❞ ❝ that looked like it hurt. ❞ ❝ don’t take this personally but i just don’t like your style. or your face. or just literally anything about you. ❞ ❝ science is precise...as am i. ❞ ❝ didn’t your parents teach you manners? ❞ ❝ i have no regrets. it’s not in my dna. ❞ ❝ this isn’t personal. you’re just in my way. ❞ ❝ don’t blame yourself. you have a whole family that failed you. ❞ ❝ want advice? stay out of my way. ❞ ❝ my methods are only controversial to those who lack imagination. ❞ ❝ you can run, you can hide, but you can’t escape yourself. ❞ ❝ have you said your goodbyes? ❞ ❝ i’d thank everyone who helped me get here, but they’re all dead. ❞ ❝ no flirting. ❞ ❝ too bad your parents aren’t here to see this. ❞ ❝ careful, i’ll steal more than just your heart. ❞ ❝ where’s your sense of style? ❞ ❝ can’t any of you stop me? unlikely. ❞ ❝ a mind is like a blade...mine is hone. yours is dull. ❞ ❝ many have made the mistake of crossing me. many more will make it today. ❞ ❝ well, i suppose i would’ve understimated me too. ❞ ❝ ah, well that was a little careless of you, love. ❞ ❝ this isn’t between you and me. this is between you and a promise i mean to keep. ❞ ❝ this is your problem. you give up too easily! ❞ ❝ the truth. tell me the truth. ❞ ❝ you had an opportunity to impress me...what a waste. ❞ ❝ what you attempt to do to me comes back to you...tenfold. ❞ ❝ the best revenge is cold as steel. ❞ ❝ i have crushed far more impressive fighters than you. ❞ ❝ let nothing distract you from the fight. ❞ ❝ the competition is lacking. i’ve had no choice but to step in personally. ❞ ❝ the war might be over...but the fight isn’t. never is. ❞ ❝ don’t go making that face at me. you know full well you signed up for this. ❞ ❝ ooh, could get messy, i’m afraid. ❞ ❝ a powerful woman knows what she wants. ❞ ❝ you and me are in this together. remember that. ❞ ❝ i’m not going to make it quick. that’ll spoil the fun. ❞ ❝ i’ll break your heart. and then i’ll break everything else. ❞ ❝ aww, you think you’re tough? ❞ ❝ beauty is pain. ❞ ❝ oh no, did that hurt darling? ❞ ❝ i fought nightmares all my life. you don’t scare me. ❞ ❝ your achievements are as meaningless as you are. ❞ ❝ come on, let’s see if we’re a match. ❞ ❝ you know, deep down, the real curse? is loving you. ❞ ❝ you’re supposed to be a killer. so prove it. ❞ ❝ there's a reason you put up all those walls... ❞ ❝ you've received the gift of life, and what do you do with it? make it all about you. ❞ ❝ how else did you expect it to end? alone. unwanted. and deservedly unloved. ❞ ❝ no one gives a crap who’s better, all i care about is who’s the best. ❞ ❝ you think you’ll make out of this alive? ❞ ❝ you’ve spent your whole life hiding behind someone else’s shadow. ❞ ❝ you devoted life to a fairy tale, shunning every soul who bothered to care about you.   ❞ ❝ i don’t want to kill you, but you’re in my way. ❞ ❝ face death with dignity...or don’t. ❞ ❝ no more running. not from the fortune you waste, the friends you manipulate, or the parents who can't stand you. misery can't be outrun. ❞ ❝ least you’re not becoming your mom, right? ❞ ❝ you chose this emptiness. sink in it. ❞ ❝ no thanks needed. buy me a drink, though. ❞ ❝ you are not indestructible as you think. come on. ❞ ❝ you're not used to feeling this way. powerless. ineffective. impotent. well, there's a first time for everything. ❞ ❝ talk about them again. i dare you. ❞ ❝ i have centuries of self-loathing to work through. ❞ ❝ it’s not worth it. shut it down. give up. ❞ ❝ i’m just pulling your leg, it’s totally for the babes. ❞ ❝ if i can be honest, i just like the killing. ❞ ❝ make a corpse, and you’ll get some flies. ❞ ❝ oh, you...i love our banter. ❞ ❝ it isn’t easy. i just make it look that way. ❞ ❝ you’re worse than i remembered - somehow. ❞ ❝ unfortunately, some jobs don’t go according to plan. ❞ ❝ i was...careless. too attached. ❞ ❝ my focus is on a greater goal. i cannot be distracted. ❞ ❝ i ain’t staying down. never do. ❞ ❝ too bad your mama and papa aren't here. i would've enjoyed seeing their disgust at the monster their little girl has become. ❞ ❝ i've been knocked down, taken out, hit from both sides hundreds of times. ❞ ❝ i'm growing as a person, but i’m still me. ❞ ❝ i can’t say i’m pleased with how deep you dug into my past. ❞ ❝ the hell with that and the hell with you. ❞ ❝ you think you’re the victim? what about me? what about what i lost? ❞ ❝ i always pay my respects to your family. does that make me soft? ❞ ❝ i was bored until you came along. ❞ ❝ do not cross me, or my blade will cross you. ❞ ❝ when you’re after a big prize, you don’t just walk in and take it. first, you have to do the legwork. ❞ ❝ let’s take a seat, this might take awhile. ❞ ❝ if i ever let you down, it’s probably because i grew tired of carrying you. ❞ ❝ i don’t want to be here anymore than you do. ❞ ❝ then comes my favourite part...the screaming. ❞ ❝ i plan on getting under your skin. ❞ ❝ they say i use humor as a defense mechanism. ❞ ❝ any last words? i must know. ❞ ❝ don’t bother trying to find me. i’ll find you. ❞ ❝ last people i killed looked hopeful too. ❞  ❝ i don’t do this for fame or glory. i do this for fun. ❞ ❝ being human is overrated. ❞

[p1nkwitch]

If I may one last director's cut: And the Nightmare Collapses? 👁️

Ask as many as you want i dont mind.

Oh my monster au, what to say? I had this in the backburner for a few months now. Originally i was going to make a series of one shots from different characters perspectives.

So first it was going to be Jon waking up from the coma and realizing that everyone were monsters but him sort of like a walking dead scenario. I had the clear picture of him seeing Georgie in her hald deaf state being like, what the fuck happened???

Now the entire idea came to mind with how pissed off i was at everyone in season four acting like Jon was the worst for no discernable reason. Like, Melanie, Basira and Georgie, all treated him in different levels rather cruely. Georgie wasnt so mean, but she was playing blind eye to the whole thing being fucked.

So Jon is the only one who remains human because he tries so hard to keep his humanity despite everything. While everyone else becomes more monstruos, Basira and Melanie in particularly were much more affected, i had a clear vision of a slaughter Mel. But had to keep it brief since Georgie wouldnt want to dwell on her becoming a monster, since now she had no way to deny it. Daisy gets a pass because while on the coffin she regains her humanity by her regret of what she became, its why her changes are minimal in the text.

The other one shots were supposed to be from Elias and Peter perspective with the last being them reuniting.

Now my original idea had no reasoning as to why they were monsters all out sudden. Its not until i realized the potential of the entities just dropping in a world similar enough where they already existed and they end up overcharging, while still carrying the vestigies of the apocalipse that i went like-

Hoy fuck.

Ultimately i am happy with the one shot the way it came out, with Elias being able to see, he was capable of tying up those little threads i wanted to make and make the reference to having an anchor. Anchors tie you to humanity, people are fundamentaly capable of good if they wish too, kindness even in the face of despair, destroys the horrors of the world.

The world wont fix itself, but you adapt and grown and try to make it better.

Now as for the story itself? I just wanted to go buck wild with the scenery of reality fracturing itself and Elias just losing it while perceiving the horrors and understanding far more than possible.

I like eldritch horror i just dont use it enough, or horror shorts in general, maybe i should put up the small ones i made in tumblr they are like a paragraph long each.

For realsies, I really like the idea of monster Elias for several reasons and i wanted to go with it. I have another different take on this verse of how things pan out too, but i will see eventually if i want to write it. There is... also the horny aspec of Peter being, as the fic implies, a monster fucker, not really he just loves Elias whatever shape he comes even if its some weird owl spider thing. If i ever feel brave enough to go thought it in an extra will shall see.

Anyways Jonah goes through life replacing people while manipulating them and toying with their sanity like he did to the ogElias in his interview. Despite being beholding, as per the soup theory, at this point he also represents the stranger, web and spiral fairly well. I have a soft soft for him losing the ability to recognize himself after a while. Because as i pointed out? He kept sort of a more or less stable life, sure, but it must be jarring having to go from one face to another, to have to pretend to be someone else, at least enough that its not glaringly obvious that something is wrong.

So he loses it. The fears overcharge and it all stacks up on him, causing his transformation to be so strong, it ends up consuming him. Not only that but he is vain too, so to be changed into something so horryifing it breaks something else in him, it gives him the idea that no one could want him now, he cant make people do as he says like this, he doesnt know himself and now no one would want to know him anyways. The more he changes the more he loses his sense of self, its not only him, he was so many people it feels weird to be just him, it doesnt fit anymore, so through the story he starts to use they until its what he mainly uses at the end, because he grows and its happy with it by the very end.

His body changes when he doubts himself, the more time it passes the more he forgets. Now the main reason he didnt become a puddle of ink and die, was because as i mentioned he thought about being alone, and it made him think of Peter, that was his last connection, the last thread to a humanity he wasnt sure he still had. When he thinks that he loves him, even if a little, its enough to let him move.

That small lifeline is what actually saved him and what kept him more or less stable for longer that he would have otherwise. Same goes to Peter whos last action before becoming one with his siblings was pick up the phone, the same though went through him, its why even if he was already at the brink of being melded he kept himself alive for longer.

Then there was the idea of copies.

Because, eyes? just the eyes?? I know it works with supernatural energy but, the doubt, the idea or posibility that Jonah Magnus actually died the moment he transplanted his eyes the first time and that Beholding merely put the copied memories of Jonah that it reatained into the new body was such a good concept, i have a special love for it, to not be sure if you are you, but ultimately chosing to live your life despite knowing that you may not be the real one.

I like to point out at the end that he does, that he is the original and that he is not a copy but... its not really proof, Jonah wants to believe it is. Wether is true or not? Thats up to anyone.

Also his monster concept, i toyed with a few options, and ended up adding it somewhat in the final product, originally he was going to be sort of an owl monster sort of mixed with a cat, no not for the joke, i saw really nice fanart of owlcats and i was in love. But as it is i went with something similar to his body in the afterlife beach party.

Instead of tar it was the ink of the letters he wrote, the static remains because he doesnt know his face anymore and he wont again. The fur... i just wanted something nice for later when Peter made his appearence, less sticky more fluffy. 8 arms like a spider, more eyes because of beholding- you get it.

Speaking of Peter!!

Here is the deal, i know or at least believe that the curruption? Is the oposite of the lonely and viceversa. Wanting to be alone vs being consumed by what you love? Perfect.

So the Lukases become amalgamations of fog trapped in a hive mind that they cant escape from. Forced to be together and then to be alone once someone manages to impose themselves like Nathaniel did. Peter could have theorically left his siblings become him, after Elias saw them, but in this, the closenes they shared was enought that he could not do it. <3<3

I wanted to play with the fact that being stuck with so many people, mainly his sisters while slowly melding into one, made him switch from pronouns feeling comfortable in all of them. Lydia, Judith and Clara were all nice and accidentaly he wanted to feel that nice, so he switches more often to her. It too, because at one point he was litreally nothing since the rest were rather happy being one.

Reality check comes and they all realize that, oh shit we fucked him up. Hence the road trip, unfortunately the melding was inevitable, either they became one or someone took charge. Still it gives them time to bond too, which adds to the decision to let them stay with him despite everything. Peter plays into a similar idea, but from a different perspective, you lose yoursef but become a different person. Luka is all of them being at peace with being one, being happy and wanting the same thing, but still mantaining some way to be apart. If i was being sappy i would liken it to a fusion in Steven Universe.

It wasnt as such at first, but later once Peter is the main body they can do it with less fear of dissapearing. It is also true that his feelings bleed out onto them and likewise to him. Its hard being a single being while simultaniously be 5 people in one.

They do love Elias, except for Clara who is mostly just enjoying the company while judging everyones tastes. It is also true that if this hadnt happened they would never have tried it. But life works oddly. Plus they are happy.

The world cant be fixed, but life sort of goes on and people adjust as they can.

Final note? I really, reeeeally wanted to have JME corpses just drop and have everyone freak out. There was a brief idea of having them alive and react to what they did to the world, but i did not want to deal with that many explanations. So yeah, they are dead.

AGAIN SORRY FOR GOING OFF!!! I NEED TO BE STOPPED.

D:

If you want to ask something in particular go ahead i have the ideas still fresh for this one in my head.

[ashintheairlikesnow]

Disaster Lads, Part Two: The Flirtening

The second part of my AU collab with @whumpiary, Cass (Ace) and Kauri meet, and inevitable disaster ensues. Read Part One right here for context! This is part two, where shameless flirting is on the menu when Cass and Kauri head off to eat.

Things get, uh, spicy starting in Part Three. But I highly recommend you all reading Kauri just fail at flirting when he’s not using his training here...

CW: Shameless PG-13 flirting, discussion of past noncon/dubcon, discussion of an abusive relationship from the point of view of a survivor with fucky headspace, referenced consensual spice, discussed abusive relationship with INCREDIBLY dubious consent issues

Kauri pulls down on the stretched-out neckline of his shirt, and even in the dim alley, a bit of a large, twisted scar shows over his collarbone. 

"He paid a lot of money for, for me. I wasn't supposed to be able to leave. I took out the thing he put in to control me."

“Holy shit dude,” Cass breathes, fingers ghosting over the glossy pink of the scar tissue. He barks a sharp laugh of disbelief, looking back up to Kauri’s face like he’s something close to holy. He raises the hem of his own shirt, runs his thumb over the scar along his ribs. At least that particular excavation had been a success. “Snap.”

Cass grins, craning his neck to look closer at Kauri’s scar. He doesn’t even know Kauri, but looking at the mangled skin along his collarbone he feels something close to pride. 

“So, what? You cut out a tracker or something and then, what? You just… you just walked away?” he says. He can barely breathe with the thrill of that. This skittish, weedy little twink had more courage in his clavicle than Cass had in his whole body.  He’d dreamed about leaving Christopher so many times. He’s thought about leaving the Facility too. Of course he did. Everyone did. But you couldn’t just leave. “Weren’t you scared?”

"N-no, I ran away with it still… in me." Kauri grins, not quite nervous at the touch to his scar - he actually feels a little flutter of pride in himself, something Nat is always telling him he's allowed to have. That what he did was hard, especially for one like him. 

He can't quite hide his eyes lingering a little on Cass's scar. 

"It was, um…" He gives a kind of carefree smile, maybe the fakest one yet, and tries not to let himself think too hard about the rage and the pain. "A… like a shock collar. In my… skin." He flushes, looking down. "I fucked up really badly, and he just-... But, no. It wasn't because I… anyway, I ran away with it still in. I had to cut it out later because he wouldn't… stop…" He trails off, eyes sliding away, back down the way they'd come, looking ashamed of himself more than anything. 

He wouldn't stop because I ran away, I left him, I was all he had and I betrayed-

"He put up the reward after that."

Cass feels his heart sinking as Kauri talks. The long, hard nosedive Kauri takes from pride to shame is palpable. Visceral. It sits in Cass’ chest like a hunk of rock and he would do fucking anything to shift it. 

“I’m sorry,” Cass says, voice rasped. He can barely even look at Kauri. There is so much fucking guilt. “I’m so sorry that happened to you.”

Cass stares at the zipper of Kauri’s oversized sweatshirt so he doesn’t have to make eye contact. He wonders for a moment if maybe he should kiss him again. Easy distraction. Bit of fun. But the line of panic that has spiked up again, talking about his past. About his… owner. Cass pushes the impulse away, gives Kauri’s knee a friendly nudge instead. His smile doesn’t quite reach his eyes.

“But hey, at least you got away, right?” Yeah, and ended up homeless for his efforts. He’s really livin’ the dream.  “Now that sadistic fuck can die lonely.”

"I hope not," Kauri says, softly. "He was lonely, that's what I was for. I was supposed to fix it but I kept fucking it up." He catches this before it can go too far, too, and pushes himself away, as if trying to escape the thought. The spiral of guilt that ate him alive sometimes, the knowledge that him leaving was ruining Owen's life. It's his fault, because he couldn't take everything he was given. 

He hadn't been good enough at loving him. And he wasn't a good enough pet to go home. 

He wants to go home, back to Owen, so badly it hurts. Curl up in his lap and say he was sorry, he wouldn't ever leave again. Let his head be tipped back and be reminded that Owen might not love him but he wants him, which means he matters. And he wants to never ever do that, both at once. Is pretty sure Owen would kill him if he did.

He just has to find other people who want him instead, to fill that space. 

Kauri digs into his pockets, rummaging around until he finds a handful of bills all crumpled up. "Come on. I fucked up your night, I might as well buy you some fries or something? I mean, if you want. There's a place open all night near here, they like me, I can probably get you a milkshake for free."

Cass tries his best not to stare too pityingly at the woeful amount of cash in Kauri’s hand. 

“Yeah. Alright. Why not?” he decides all at once, pushing up from the ground “But either you get it for free or it’s on me. I definitely owe you one for the shiner.”

“I can buy you fries,” Kauri says almost dryly, although he stuffs the money back in his pockets quickly enough. It hadn’t been the best panhandling day, but he’d been in one of his slow spots and kind of expected it. But he wasn’t the only ex-pet wandering the streets begging for cash, and they tended to trade off areas to make sure everyone got an equal shot at the people who were more likely to give a little more.

As Cass stands, he feels the world slide backwards away from him at the weight of Kauri's wants come crashing down over him; booming echoes of regret and guilt and fear that go on further and deeper than any of the words he'd said aloud. 

There are people in the world who keep their thoughts inwards. Their desires are still there and ready to be listened to but it's almost like background music, a hushed murmur like a conversation in a library. And then there are people like Kauri, full of aching and wounds and messy thoughts, who feel things so loudly it almost hurts. 

Want to go ho- should’ve been a better pe- make him feel bette- he’s going to kill m- want to matter. Need to matter to someo- I’m so sorry Mr. Owen

Grief strikes at Cass in waves, just being near everything Kauri’s thinking. It’s dizzying. It's like the worst kind of homesickness. Yearning for a thing you can't have and don't want but need all the same. It's so much worse because the feeling's so familiar. Cass had hated every inch of Bergen Estate. And there'd been nights he'd have cut off his hand to be back with the devil he knew.

He screws his eyes shut against the pain of it spiking through his head, clinging to the wall with one hand as he feels the world tilt off its access. 

Cass wants to go home. He wants Christopher. He wants to throw up.

"Sorry," he croaks, eyes shut as he steadies himself. He lets out a ragged breath  "Must've stood up too quick or something. Gimme a sec."

Kauri frowns as Cass seems to tilt into the wall, nearly falling against it, and steps forward despite himself - whether or not he can really trust Cass or if he’s as nice as he seems doesn’t really have anything to do with if he needs help - and grabs at his arm to slide himself under it and help him balance.

“Hey, you okay? I think I can get you real food, not just fries. Have you eaten today? I fall over a lot when I don’t eat all day.”

Cass barks a laugh, but it's pale and wheezing. 

It's sweet. It's so incredibly sweet and charming and so fucking sad that that's Kauri first thought. But it's so earnest that Cass finds himself thinking back to what he has eaten.

"No, I've eaten plenty,  it's not that," he says, blinking his eyes open as the dizziness ebbs. "I just need-"

Need what? Need you to stop thinking about your fucked up Stockholm syndrome? Need you to stop feeling so saturated in shame and guilt it pours off you like an oil spill? He shakes his head, as if that'll be enough to clear the thoughts. 

"Yeah, uh, maybe you're right," he says, because he has to say something. People aren't fine one second and falling into an alleyway wall in the next for no reason "Need some real food."

“Then we’ll get you some,” Kauri says firmly, keeping himself under Cass’s arm to help him balance. “I’ll tell ‘em you kept me from being drugged, they’ll definitely give you free food, then.” He tries on a sidelong smile, going for something sort of dry and I’ve-seen-it-all but the expression doesn’t quite work - he’s too genuine to pull it off. 

“I know you just think I said I was sorry because I was supposed to, but I really am, um, sorry for pissing you off. I know people are mostly nice, I just… freaked out because of that guy earlier saying he would, um, would tell the cops who I was. Am. Was. Actually,” He changed subjects without even a pause for breath, walking with Cass out of the alley and onto the sidewalk, giving a cheery little wave to what was clearly a prostitute at the corner, who waved right back with sparkly fingernails that caught the streetlamp light. “Do you like milkshakes better or root beer floats? I had a root beer float for the first time at this place, it was so good.”

"Root beer floats are for six year olds," Cass teases through the thumping headache, taking care that his feet are keeping straight. "Strawberry milkshakes are the MVP."

He focuses on breathing in the crisp night air as they walk, already feeling better. It's stupid, actually, that he doesn't have more control over this shit. Weak that just a few minutes of someone else's thoughts and he's wilting like a fucking daisy. 

The place isn't far, as it turns out, but it seems like there's some displaced person on every corner that greets Kauri with a smile, or a nod. The guy’s obviously universally liked. The sort of person that people gave free milkshakes to. That people avoided calling the cops for, even if it meant missing out on some decent reward money. Like the universe figured he'd been served enough bullshit for one lifetime and was trying to protect him now.

"For what it's worth, I wasn't pissed at you," Cass says after about half a block. "To be honest, I'm usually pretty good at being selfish. But then when we started fucking around, some of the stuff in your head was just way too-" he blinks, stumbles on his words for a second "Like you, you wear your heart of your sleeve, I mean. And I dunno. I didn't want you to feel like… I dunno. It just got to me."

"Besides," Cass adds as they reach a crappy-chic little diner with a red sign "No offense, but I'd rather not get laid when the other person's terrified of me"

Kauri actually laughs at that, soft and kind of a sweet laugh. His voice is surprisingly deep for how small he is. “You’d be the first guy I’ve slept with in a while who cared about that.” There’s dry humor to his words, like Cass has said something sort of ridiculous that Kauri finds totally at odds with his everyday life.

“Besides, I wasn’t scared of you,” Kauri lies easily, and probably would have been perfectly believable if Cass hadn’t been able to feel the fear coming off of him at the time. “Just nervous about the bar. I used to never go out alone, but some stuff happened and I’m on my own, for now.” He shrugs, casually, pushing the door open and looking with a shy smile to an older woman behind the counter.

“Kauri, good to see you,” The woman says in a voice that says she’s been smoking since she was a teenager and that was no doubt a very long time ago. “It’s been a while.” Her eyes move to Cass, taking him in. All that comes from her is a vague sense of wishing her shift would be over so she could go home and sleep already. “Found yourself a new one?”

“Nah, just a friend.” When she raises an eyebrow, Kauri rolls his eyes. “An actual friend, Brenda, I have those.”

Cass grins a little despite himself. Kauri was an idiot. And way too trusting. But it’s sweet, being gently defended like that. It’s nice actually.

“First I’ve heard of it. Grab yourself a seat wherever, I’ll send Nick over to get your order.” She fixes a more scrutinizing eye on Cass. “You too, young man.”

“God, do you just bring out the White Knight side in everybody or something?” Cass says as soon as Brenda’s out of ear shot. Even as he says it, Cass’ thoughts slide to Matt at the bar, and then even further to Kauri’s owner — ex-owner — and he feels almost guilty for saying it. Maybe not everybody.

Kauri is just so fucking nice. He’s nice and he’s kind and he’s good. He deserves to have people defending him and looking out for him. Cass has known him for barely an hour and even he can tell that. But instead, the fuckheads of the world had found that goodness and twisted it and made it so he couldn’t say no – no just drink it don’t make him mad–  and he couldn’t ask for what he wanted - I want this I want you - and couldn't let himself be afraid –just say no Kauri you can just say no just say no stop it sto–

Cass scrubs a hand over his face and pushes his hair back, like maybe that’ll dislodge the sticky tar echoes of Kauri’s thoughts and the headache slamming an off-beat behind his eyes.

“What’s good here?” he asks, grabbing the laminated menu out from behind nearly-empty sauce bottles, desperate for the conversation to just stay normal for five minutes “It’s been fuckin’ ages since I’ve had diner food”

“Um, I mostly get cheeseburger and fries. It’s the cheapest whole meal and they usually give me more fries than it’s supposed to come with,” Kauri says, ignoring the menu entirely, drumming his fingers lightly on the shiny Formica tabletop. 

It’s the kind of menu that comes with pictures, and he could probably fake looking at it if he had to, but just the back of it facing him from Cass has him wincing if he looks too close. So he keeps his eyes carefully on Cass’s face, refusing to let the letters on Cass’s menu be anything more than unformed blurs. 

Instead he settles on pretending he’s such a regular he doesn’t even need the menu anymore. 

“I know they do, um, breakfast all day too so if you want eggs you can get those, or sausages, or whatever. I like their breakfast. Just get whatever.” He glances sidelong at Brenda, currently greeting another couple of customers, and then leans forward, putting a hint of a sneaky smile on his face.  “Just don’t get the fish. They don’t even know what kind of fish it is.”

Cass laughs, loud and loose as he tosses his head back, "Aw man. Now I want to order the fish" 

He puts the menu back in its place and scans his eyes over the patrons. The harsh pulse in his head is ebbing now, soothed by the soft, tired yearnings of late night diner patrons. There's a dad sitting in a booth across the room with his daughter, two giant milkshakes abandoned in favour of cramming tight in to play some video-game together on a tiny console. Cass watches as the girl points at the screen, stepping her dad through something with intense focus before they both cheer, throwing their hands up in victory. 

A side-hug. A high five. It's sweet. Heartwarming in a simple way. Even if they won't see each other tomorrow. 

Cass flicks his focus back to Kauri with a soft smile, "I can see why you like it here. Even if the fish is questionable, the people seem nice"

Kauri shrugs, melting a little under the softer smile. Most of Cass’s expressions have been sharp, and Kauri likes that, too, likes the way Cass flashes looks like light off a knife, but the softer look… Kauri grins back, hunching his shoulders forwards a little shyly. 

He feels weirdly warm all over, being looked at like that. It’s not an unfamiliar feeling, but it’s weird to feel it and not have the worry or fear running underneath it, too. For the moment, all he feels is warm.

“People are mostly nice everywhere I go,” Kauri says, trying to look away from Cass so it won’t seem like he’s staring, but he’s… not sure he’s pulling it off. 

A young man, about Kauri’s age or maybe younger, wearing a black apron tied at the waist over a white shirt and black pants, steps up with a little notepad in his hand. He smiles brightly at Kauri. “Hey, Kaur, you went out tonight?”

“Um, sort of.” Kauri shrugs again, making little circles on the tabletop with his finger. “For a little bit. Then this guy, um, I met… anyway. This is Cass. Cass, this is Nick.”

Nick glances over at Cass, taking him in with a slightly more false customer-service smile. Oh, sure, I only get the once but then you go find this guy who looks like he punches shit for fun…

“Good to meet you, Cass,” He says, brightly enough. “What can I get you two tonight?”

“Whatever he wants,” Kauri says quickly. “I’m buyin’.”

"That's still up for debate," Cass shoots back, grabbing the menu back again to make a show of his deliberation. Kauri’s got something a little giddy about him at the minute, and it's almost distracting, but it has nothing on the low level of jealousy and impatience radiating off of Nick. It's almost irresistible to play with. Nothing more than puppy love shit. But still enough to twist. 

"Let's see. I've heard amazing things about the fish," he shoots Kauri a wink, and the other man ducks his head, smiling down towards his own legs, biting his lower lip a little as he flushes. "But Kauri here reckons the cheeseburger's the way to go. So… two of those I guess? Oh, and a root beer float, right?" Cass flashes his very best smile at Kauri, who visibly brightens, before looking back at Nick, raking his eyes over him for a second as he slots the menu back into place, "Thanks hot stuff."

Nick’s customer-service smile freezes, just slightly, and there’s a moment where it’s clear that he is resisting the urge to roll his eyes with genuine difficulty. 

“Two root beer floats,” Kauri corrects, and then tilts his head just a little up at Nick in the same slightly-false way he’d done to Cass earlier in the night, seemingly without even realizing he’s doing it. “With cherries? I know they don’t come with them, but-”

“Yeah, Kaur, we know you get cherries.” Nick smiles, relaxing again, jotting that down. He clearly can’t tell that Kauri’s flirtation is artifice. “Let me see if I can get you and your, uh-” His eyes back on Cass for a second, uncertainly. “... friend here your floats on the house.”

Kauri doesn’t quite let out an audible sigh of relief, but the feeling is there. He won’t have enough for his bus pass after this, but that’s all right. There’s a bench in a park he can crash on, anyway, where he’s slept before. 

“See, there you go,” He says to Cass once Nick is gone. “Now we get drinks for free. Most people are really nice.”

Cass snorts a laugh. Hardly.

"I don't think it really counts as nice when they're just tryna get in your pants. That guy was a dick.” 

“He is not! He’s really nice! He let me stay over for breakfast and take a shower at his apartment, he didn’t have to do that.” Kauri’s jaw is set in a stubborn line, but it was still playful. He was relaxed here, in a way he hadn’t been outside the bar when it had all still been so fresh and he’d been scared of being found out. 

But if Cass was lying about promising not to tell, he was being really slow about it. Kauri doesn’t mind getting to have something nice first.

Cass glances over his shoulder at Nick, running the chances in his head. He looks back to Kauri with a grin, "Ten bucks I can get all our food on the house."

“Get all our food free? From Nick?” Kauri leans over, half-whispering the words, glancing sidelong at Nick putting the order in with the cook and then moving to start up the root beer floats. Nick looks their way and Kauri quickly turns his eyes back to Cass, half-laughing as he ducks his head down again. “I feel like letting you do that is really mean. But also I could really use ten dollars, so, uh, okay.” 

Kauri sits back up and sticks his right hand out across the table. “Shake on it?”

Cass grins like a shark, leaning forward a little further than necessary to shake Kauri's hand. "When he comes over next."

He risks another glance over his shoulder, struggling to hide a smirk as he watches the poor guy he's about to earn a meal from. Cass grabs at the ketchup bottle idly, spinning it in one hand as he watches. Nick's cute, in kind of an awkward, intense way. He gives the vibe of someone who was in a band in highschool and took it way too seriously. 

"He seriously took you home and didn't try anything?" Cass asks, turning back to Kauri. He tosses the bottle from hand to hand with nimble fingers. "What is he, a church boy?"

“Oh, no, I didn’t mean-” Kauri blinks, flushes bright red, and sits back in his seat again, unsure whether he was meant to be ashamed of this or not. It’s sometimes hard to tell - with Nat, yes… with most people, yes...

But Cass didn’t feel like most people. He felt almost like talking to another pet, except he had no idea what those were as far as Kauri could tell, and he’d been horrified by the idea, before. But he talked like he knew.

“No, we still… I just meant, a lot of people kind of say, um, ‘you were great, hope I see you around’, or whatever, and I just… go. Not everybody is okay with me staying over all night. But… he was. And he was really, really nice about it. He… wrote me a note and everything.”

Something went tight and uncomfortable in Kauri’s smile at that. He still had the note, shoved down in the pocket of the backpack he’d hidden in a secret hiding spot up in the vents in a bathroom at the park. He had no idea what was on it. 

“So get us free food but you gotta be nice to him about it, okay?”

Cass waves his hand, he smiles, replacing the sauce bottle back in its holder, "Yeah, yeah, yeah.”

He has to stop himself from cringing a little at Kauri's story. It's kinda cute, in a fucked up way. If you ignore that one of the leading men is only a part of the romance because he needs a place to crash. But it's also just… so blatantly innocent. Ridiculously, painfully naive. Cass shakes his head.

"Dude has it bad for you, huh?" It's strange that Kauri seems so oblivious to that fact when he's so very, very practiced in everything else. Ready to suck Cass' dick in an alley, no questions asked, but totally blind to the sight of someone head over heels for him "I still don't think that makes him nice. If this guy’s so nice why aren't you just shacking up all the time? What'd the note say?"

“I don’t, uh, I don’t know,” Kauri says, flashing the quick little making nice smile, looking away from Cass to glance out the window at the street outside. “I didn’t read it.”

He wanted to be able to read, for that to have been allowed, but Owen had wanted him a certain kind of way, he’d said it over and over again. I asked for a brainless slut, but shit, this seems like a little much, Kore-Bore. He had lots of papers in his backpack - things he’d been given for whatever reason. Pamphlets and handouts and the note from Nick, pages of books with cool illustrations. None of it he could read. All of it he hung onto because one day he wanted to. He knew words had been important, once, for whoever he’d been before. He wanted to make them important again.

“I don’t really stay with people more than once. If you stay a lot, people, um… want to know you.” Another flash of the nervous little smile. “It’s usually better for other people if they just see me sometimes. You know?”

Cass nods. He does know. Maybe not as well, or the same, but he knew. When you hung around someone a lot, they started looking a little closer. And once they started looking closer, they started wanting things from you. Sometimes they wanted something to hold over you. Sometimes they just thought they wanted to know you. But either way, they wanted your story, wanted to split you open and see all the ugly parts. Make a judgement.

“I get it,” he says, tracing lines between the grey flecks of the table top. He looks back up to Kauri, smiles something like understanding. Cass can’t give him much but he can give him that. He can give him understanding. “Safer that way, huh?”

Almost as soon as the words leave his mouth, Cass sees Nick out of the corner of his eye carrying over their two impressive looking drinks. He leans back in his chair, posture loose and open and grins at Kauri, bouncing his eyebrows conspiratorially. Game on.

“Here we go. Two root beer floats,” Nick says, placing the drinks down before he smiles at Kauri, gaze lingering a little long “Extra cherries.”

“Thanks,” Cass says, smiling as he pulls his drink close. He picks up his spoon, skimming a little foam of the top and turning the spoon upside down on his tongue. He waits for Nick to turn away before he pipes up again, as if on an afterthought. “Hey… Nick, right? Can you settle a debate for us?”

“Uh…” Nick glances over his shoulder, in the vague direction of Brenda, who was currently engrossed in the photos on some regular’s phone “Yeah, sure.”

“Well see, I think Kauri here must be your favourite customer, seeing that he’s scoring the drinks for free and all. But he seems to think he’s not that special,” he makes quick eye contact with Kauri, resisting the urge to wink. “You like him though, right?”

Nick gapes a little, clearly flustered as he turns slowly red. He rubs a hand over the nape of his neck while looking pointedly everywhere but Kauri. “Uhh… Yeah. Sure. I mean- you know. Everyone likes Kauri.”

“See that’s what I said, but he refuses to agree with me,” he says with a heavy sigh. “Reckon you could score him his food for free to convince him?”

“Oh. Um,” Nick glances at Kauri, clearly embarrassed that he’s been caught between a rock and looking like an asshole. “I dunno. The um, two drinks is already kinda...”

Cass groans in a teasing way, reaching his foot out to nudge Nick’s leg as though they’re dancing around the inevitable. Which… well... 

“C'ᴍᴏɴ ɴɪᴄᴋ,” he says, reaching into that part of him that wants so badly to impress the boy with nothing to his name than a pretty face and the twenty bucks in his pocket. Cass catches the waiter’s eye and tilts his head to the side in a shadow of Kauri’s little trade-mark. “Gɪᴠᴇ ᴜs ᴏᴜʀ ꜰᴏᴏᴅ ᴏɴ ᴛʜᴇ ʜᴏᴜsᴇ.”

Nick glances back over his shoulder again at Brenda before looking at Kauri again, a rebellious little smile tugging at his mouth as he makes the choice. Or tells himself he makes the choice. “Yeah. Yeah alright.”

Kauri blinks, eyes slightly widening in surprise, but he covers it fairly well and smiles up at Nick with all his sweetness on display. “That’s really great, Nick,” He says, leaning his chin on one hand. Nick looks a little dazed at the attention from them both at once and swallows, almost compulsively, before he looks down with his head tilted, kind of rubbing at the back of his neck, a little shyly.

“I mean, it’s not like I’m doing much, just some food.”

“No, but it’s really cool of you, thank you,” Kauri says, sincerely. He’s not sure why Nick made that decision tonight, but he’s genuinely grateful for it. “Panhandling didn’t go super well today, it’s, it’s a big help.”

“Yeah, well.” Nick shrugs, and grins. “You want to apply for a job here, Kaur, you got it and you know it. I can get you an application, like, anytime.”

Kauri’s flirty little smile goes cold, for just a moment, and is immediately back to the artificial warmth from before. “Don’t worry about it,” He says, a little too softly. “You’re really cool, Nick, thanks.”

Nick just smiles back at him, gives he and Cass one more nod, and has his mouth open to say more when Brenda calls his name. “Gotta go, I’ll get your food out in just a minute.”

Kauri waits until he’s safely out of earshot before he leans forward, digging in one pocket with his hand. “How did you do that? I mean, I guess I’ve never actually asked for anything free, it just sort of happens sometimes, but… how’d you get the whole meal? I can’t believe he just gave it to you.”

He pulls a crumbled ten-dollar bill out of his pocket and slides it across the table. At least he can still look at numbers, if he’s careful. “All right, I owe you this.”

Cass grins, taking a spoonful of ice cream and turning it upside on his tongue as he looks over his shoulder, giving Nick a little wave and a smile. Poor sucker.

“Nah, keep it. Wasn’t really a fair bet.” he says, plucking one of the cherries from the top of his drink and topping Kauri’s with it instead. “You might be good at getting people to like you, but I’m good at getting people to do what I want. I knew he was gonna do it before I even asked.”

Kauri snorts, digging in himself, dipping the cherry out first to bite into it, enjoying the burst of cold sweetness on his tongue. “Clearly,” Kauri declares airily, “you have an ego the size of my dick.” He flushes, then, looking vaguely embarrassed. “I mean. Not, uh, mine. I mean, I think mine’s okay-...”

If he gets any more blood in his face he’s going to pass out.

“... I’m just going to stop talking now.” 

Kauri picks a big bite of ice cream off with his spoon and jams it into his mouth to shut himself up - only to wince when the brain freeze hits, groaning. Cass tosses his head back in a mad laugh at Kauri's self-spun embarrassment. Fuck he's cute. 

"Relax, man, don't hurt yourself," Cass says through the last of a chuckle, reaching out to grab Kauri's hand in mock-sympathy. "I'm sure you have a very nice-sized dick."

Kauri makes a sound that's somewhere between laughter and a please let me sink into the ground now noise, turning even redder if that's possible. He's not sure it is. 

He feels weirdly dizzy and his hand lights up where Cass touches him. He's sure he has the dumbest fucking smile on his face but he can't seem to stop it. 

Cass draws his hand back with a smirk and goes back to his own drink, taking a very deliberately very reasonably sized scoop of ice-cream from the top and tilting it towards Kauri before eating it. He looks at Kauri's face, still recovering from the flurry of a frozen head and the foot in his mouth. Cass taps his fingers on the table top, considering. How much did he want to show off?

"I mean like… you're not wrong, but it's also not ego if it's true," he shrugs "People just do what I want them to do. Call it a talent.”

Kauri feels an urge to say something like I would do what you want me to do, but he pushes it down. Last time Cass had… seen his training, and freaked out, and he doesn't want that to happen again. Cass was maybe the first person to notice when Kauri was in his head, at first. 

"Then why are you spending your time with a homeless guy and not, like, getting someone in a suit to buy you…" Kauri trails off. He has no idea what rich people eat, except what Owen ate, and he doesn't know if Owen was… like other rich people. He hopes not. "... I don't know, fancy steak or something?"

He leans over to sip through his straw, closing his eyes at the dark taste of root beer mixed with the cream and vanilla of the ice cream. 

It was getting increasingly difficult to even be in the general vicinity of Kauri existing and not be endlessly distracted by the slutty virgin shtick. The guy ate his root beer float like it was a gift from heaven, made by God personally and, even more infuriatingly, seemingly unaware of what that amount of blissful indulgence was doing to everyone around him. 

Not even seemingly unaware. Literally so. If it was intentional, the desire for attention would be rolling off of him in peutrid, sticky flashes. As it was, all Kauri seemed to care about right now was enjoying exactly what was in front of him. Cass has to stop himself from smiling too fondly. He was starting to see why the guy was so fucking liked. 

"I don't like people in suits. I like you," he says, simply. "Besides, you ever actually spend time with a rich person? They're all boring as fuck."

"Just, um, just the one rich person," Kauri says, trying not to let Owen's face find its way into his mind. How sad and lonely he must be by himself in the condo, without Kauri to curl up with him on the couch or in his bed. 

All by himself in the shower…

Kauri's eyes are distant, thinking of Owen drinking alone on the balcony with no one to talk to and be sad to, and he opens his mouth to say - something, he doesn't really know what, but he feels the sudden urge to tell Cass too much. To confess, just say I can't read and I can't look in the mirror I don't know what I look like I only know how to be good one way and everything they say about the ones like me is true and he hurt me and I still miss him - and just as the first vibration of sound is in his throat, Nick puts the plates down in front of them.

Kauri looks up at Nick with a smile shining with more gratitude than just bringing food out really calls for, and Nick blinks at him, a little thrown off. "You guys good? Need anything?"

"Everything looks great," Kauri says, with entirely too much sincerity. 

Cass smiles briefly at Nick in thanks as he grabs his plate, but he keeps his attention on Kauri, whose thoughts are currently as calm as a drum kit is when it's pushed down the stairs. Cass tilts his head to the side, eyes searching Kauri's face as Nick walks away. 

The same sadness and shame from earlier is coming off of him in waves, ebbing and flowing endlessly. A gentle desperation, searching for some way out, some way to relieve the constant storming.

"Did you want to tell me about him?" Cass asks, before he can stop himself, and immediately he feels the tugging of a yes and a no tangled violently together. He breaks eye-contact and turns his attention to the food. They really had given Kauri a whole damn mountain of fries. "The guy who, uh… who owned you."

There's no extra influence to it yet, no pressure. Just the question. Kauri could walk away from answering if he wanted. Sometimes a locked door didn't need a lockpick. Just the right key. 

Kauri picks up a fry, stares at it like it might bite him, then bites into it, half hanging out his mouth as he reaches to the side of the table, against the window, to get the ketchup bottle and pour some out on his plate, not quite looking up. 

Only when he finishes the first and picks up the second does he shrug, a little barely visible movement of his shoulders under his oversized zip-up. "You know how they say - people in, in movies say - that you can't force someone to love you? That's, uh. That's a lie. You can. You, um. He's… he was in a lot of movies, when he was a kid." Kauri's voice dips low, nearly a whisper. "Have you heard of Owen Grant? He was in, um, Dimmer Switch. That had a big international release, really popular in, um, overseas. And a movie about baseball when he was really young…"

Cass frowns, face twisting as he tries to place the name. He's heard of Dimmer Switch, he thinks, but he hasn't actually seen it. It sounded like the sort of cult classic horror junk Lou would watch. He's about to shake his head and shrug when he has a vague memory of an old VHS cover, a kid with insanely green eyes posing precociously with a baseball bat.

"Jesus Christ. The kid from fucking Swing for the Stars?" he blurts out as the pieces slot into place. Henri had been obssessed with that stupid movie. He shakes his head with a scoff, picking at the fries on his plate but not actually eating. It's kinda difficult to feel hungry, now. "What a fucking creep."

"Yeah!" Kauri brightens when Cass guesses right, a look of weird mixed sadness and guilt and pride on his face. "He was, um, that's what got him famous. Was that one. He's good in it, for a kid, right? Really good. He did a lot of movies but he stopped acting… um." There's a hesitation - he wants and doesn't want to tell Cass this, Cass is the only person he's ever said it out loud to. "He, um. You know who Vincent Shield is." His smile gets more nervous now. "I know you know, he's um, Nat always says he's like Tom Cruise. I, um. Nat says I… look like him. They used to be… they don't talk anymore. And Mr. Owen wanted… um." He swallows a bite the wrong way and has to clear his throat, fingers tapping nervously on the tabletop as he drank half of what was left of his root beer in one long go. 

"You can have someone made for you. If you have money." Flash of nervous smile again. "Mr. Owen has a lot. And he wanted the, um, Vince. To do that. To love him." 

A mix of cold rage and bone-deep sorrow sweeps through Cass like ice water. When Cass had gone with Christopher, when he'd agreed to sign his sentence over to the Bergen Estate, it'd been entirely his choice. He'd chosen to land himself juvie, he'd chosen to sign up to the indenture program, he'd chosen to sign that fucking contract, had chosen a life with Christopher. And he'd chosen when to end it.

He'd even chosen the Facility, chosen Tucker, in the end.

Kauri hadn't had any of that. Or at least, certainly not by the sounds. Cass had thought he'd looked familiar at the start of the night. Turns out he was just some poor bastard with a movie star's face.

"I'm sorry," Cass says for the second time that night. It's an effort to keep the shaking fury out of his voice. "I'm… that's horrible. That's really fucking horrible."

Cass runs his thumb up and down along the rim of his plate, clenching his jaw. The fucker wanted to force someone to love him, huh? He closes his eyes, takes a deep shaking breath, and swears he can see Christopher imprinted on his eyelids. I don't need you to love me back, darling boy, but I need you to know that I love you. He never thought he'd meet someone who made him feel lucky in comparison. He opens his eyes again, looking at Kauri with earnest. 

"You had a life, though, right? Before he took you? Why don't you just-" Cass cuts himself off and shakes his head, wiping a hand over his mouth like that could take the words back. For all he knew, Kauri had as much to go back to as he did. Maybe less. "Sorry. Stupid question. Don't answer that."

Kauri blinks at him, baffled by the question, before he smiles again. It’s a reflex more than an emotion - Kauri smiles to stave off conflict and deflect questions just as often as he smiles out of any genuine feeling. “He didn’t take me, he bought me. From a company, WRU? I don’t know who I was before.”

He shrugs. “The first thing I remember is training in the Facility. They, um… they probably know what my name was before. I don’t… remember it. They wipe us clean and then make us what the order form says.” He winces, reaching up to rub a hand against his head - the headache comes on fast, a sharp slice of pain across his mind, as soon as he tries to think any further back than training. 

“We sign contracts? We signed up for this.” The words come out almost monotone on the second sentence, clearly memorized, pushed out of him by some base conditioned instinct that isn’t even conscious thought. “All pets are of legal consenting age,” He intones, his eyes going distant again, before he shakes it off. “So, um. That’s why you can’t… I hope you won’t, anyway… tell the cops. Because I kind of broke the law, um, running away.”

It's so obviously a stack of beaten in, awful lies and Cass can't tell if Kauri actually believes them or has just had them forced down his throat so many times he doesn't know to say anything else. There’s an electric rage bubbling under his skin at the thought of Kauri being taken to some facility. Fucking signed up for it did he? Agreed to have his thoughts wiped clean and his personality reset to Sexdoll Barbie? What a crock of shit. 

Kauri flashes the sweet, slightly nervous smile again. “I’m a hardened criminal, believe it or not. I… I signed up for it, but… it doesn’t feel like I did...” He winces again, rubbing at his head. “Sorry. You did not sign up for all this when you tried to help me at the bar.”

"No, you're fine," Cass says, voice strained with the effort to keep it calm.  He doesn't know what else to say. “This isn’t exactly my first… fucked up backstory rodeo. I won’t tell anyone, I won’t say anything.” Cass’ word wasn’t worth much on a standard day, but he means this. “I promise.”

He stares at his food instead of Kauri, picks up a fry, puts it back down, turns the plate a little, picks up another fry. His vision darkens around the edges, a pressure in his head, and he realises his breaths have gotten quietly shallow and strained, air barely reaching his lungs. He takes a deliberately deep breath in, flashing a numbed smile at Kauri.

“It’s funny, well not- not funny,” he clears his throat “You’re the first person I’ve met who, uh… Look, I know a lotta people who have… contracts to people. To businesses. You’re the first person I met who doesn’t seem like they deserved it.”

Kauri tilts his head, glancing over at Nick - just around, really, but it seems like no one is listening in or anything - and then he turns back, reaching his hand back out, brushing his fingers against the back of Cass's hand holding the fry. 

"I'm okay," He says, reassuring, his voice low and sincere. "A lot of us have it, um, a lot worse than I did. Some pets get hurt a lot… I just, um." Another flash of his nervous smile. "Only after I messed up really badly. I was really lucky. He, um. He told me I was lucky all the time. I'm okay, Cass. See?"

A slightly sunnier expression, more sincere. He pushed himself up just slightly and leaned over to boop Cass on the nose.

"What could be more okay than hanging out with you, right? I don't mind. Don't feel bad for me or anything, I like moving around. Anything's better than not being allowed to leave, right?"

Cass finds himself smiling, despite himself, "Right."

He tries not to think about his bed back at the Facility, or the lab session he had tomorrow, or the interstate trip he'd have to do with Tucker next week. It wasn't the same. He chose to transfer his indenture. He could leave. He was here after all.

Kauri's a tragedy on legs and he doesn't even know it. He thought he was lucky because he wasn't hurt that much. Lucky, because he had the luxury of being homeless instead of chained to some guy's bed. And he was sitting here trying to make Cass feel better. He'd even been ready to give up his next-to-nothing savings to buy Cass a burger. It was almost enough to have you considering restoring your faith in the world.

Cass smiles again, properly this time, shaking his head. He shoves the fry in his mouth at last and grabs his glass, tilting it towards Kauri in a belated toast, "To moving around and root beer floats."

Kauri’s smile brightens even more and he picks up his already-half-gone glass almost eagerly to clink the rim against Cass’s. “Right! To never being stuck behind a locked door, ever again. That’s why I’m really lucky. When I got the chance to walk away… I could.” 

Well, not walk.

Throw himself out of a moving car, rolling along the road curled around his backpack to protect it, and then run like hell while his collarbone lit up and dropped him to the ground, again and again and again… 

But Cass didn’t need to know that part.

“Nat says the ones like me usually can’t.” He paused, considering something, eyes moving over Cass’s face thoughtfully. “And, hey. I really, honestly do think you’re, um, cute.” A hint of the flush again, unpracticed and genuine. “I know that you think it was because I was scared and that I was just saying it so you wouldn’t tell anybody about me, but… I can, uh. I can just want things like normal people do, too. You know? If I asked again and I wasn’t scared… what would you, um… what would you say?”

Cass smirks, and picks up his glass, ignoring the straw as he takes a long, slow drink from the rim before replacing it and sitting back in his seat. He tilts his head to the side, considering. What would he say?

There was no denying Kauri's attractiveness – he had the face of a goddamn movie star for fuck’s sake – but what was a pretty face stacked up next to a story so tragic the guy had to apologise just for telling it?

He thinks back to outside of the bar. The horrible whiplash between the desire to please and the terror to refuse. The faint, bitter aftertaste of I don't want this after every touch, every kiss. Even sitting here, now, Cass feels his stomach flip, his throat close up at just the thought of it.

But then he thinks about how Kauri looks, enjoying his float, complete and unapologetic bliss painting his face. Or the starry-eyed awe when Nick had agreed to the free meal. The way he's blushing right now, an equal mix of excited and unsure. That kind of enthusiasm was something Cass could get on board with. If Kauri asked him again and he wasn't scared, if he looked at him like that?

He lets his eyes travel down Kauri's torso and then back to his face. Lets his tongue flick out over his lips, as his mouth tugs into a dangerous smile. 

"Baby if you wanted it..." – if you really wanted it – "...I would eat you alive"

Kauri’s shy smile widens, until the usual hint of teeth instead flash bright white and light up his entire face, wide blue eyes sparkling, looking right at Cass, not ducking his head or using the practiced head-tilt at all. Just genuine, outright joy. 

“Do you, um…” The blush again, and he bites down on his lower lip, sitting leaning forward with his shoulders hunched, watching Cass’s face. He’s not as good as being suave as he wishes he was, and has to hope Cass is as much into a stammering mess as he might be into someone who had themselves together a little better than this. “... do you promise?”

Cass smiles at the blush, at the awkward. It's so much better than the low airy voice of complacency. He reaches forward, his fingers drawing a line up the back of Kauri's hand until they're sneaking their way up the cuff of his sweatshirt. He could almost swear there was electricity buzzing underneath Kauri's skin.

"Why don't you finish your burger? Maybe I'll prove it"

It feels, to Kauri like every spot Cass touches on him sparks and lights up, the feeling of his fingers lingering after he has pulled his hand back. Kauri wants to be on his knees or his back with Cass so badly he could scream.

He picks up his burger but he hardly cares about it now, he’s more interested in eating the exact amount necessary for Cass to figure it was enough to count as ‘finished’. Something about being way more honest about himself than he ever was with almost anyone feels like pure weight off his chest, leaving Kauri almost drunk on the feeling, more than he’d been drunk on the actual booze back in the bar. 

“I think I need to know more guys like you,” Kauri says, feeling a little dizzy with how fucking great tonight has ended up. He needs to know more guys who care if he’s scared or not, who even notice. He needs more guys who do the right thing when someone needs help.

“You’re really fucking nice, Cass.”

Cass snorts, throwing a fry in his mouth and speaking through a mouthful of potato, “I’m really not. You just caught me on a good night.”

If he’d been another few drinks in when he’d first noticed Kauri, he would’ve turned a blind eye and melted away to make out with Krystal or Kylie or whatever her name had been instead. If he’d been feeling a little more reckless fighting the douchebag in the corner, they’d probably both be sitting in a jail cell. If he’d been feeling a little more self-destructive outside the bar, a little more dangerous, he could’ve ignored the screaming in his head, the screaming in Kauri’s. He could’ve just kept kissing him. He could’ve… would’ve…

It doesn’t matter what he would have done, he tells himself. Because he didn’t. Not this time. That was what counted.

He wishes he believed it.

“What about your friends?” he asks, trying to shake off the thoughts rattling him as leans forward to dip a fry in Kauri’s sauce “They’re not nice?”

“Yeah, they are.” Kauri smiles a little. “I stay with them sometimes.” There was only one person he always picked up the phone for. The only person who knew all the bad things inside of him, not just the ones Kauri felt safe sharing. “But he’s, um.” Kauri’s smile slips and then reappears just as quickly as he shoves the guilt deeper down inside of himself, buries it under a cascade of not fucking now, damn it. 

“I’m kind of taking a break from bothering him with my shit.”

Kauri shifts around in the booth, moving to sit with his back to the window so he can pull his knees up, a hint of skin showing through where holes were beginning to wear. 

“He’s probably pretty happy to have me stop showing up at his door all the time. We just… sorry, none of that’s important.”

Cass taps his fingers in a steady rhythm on the tabletop as he watches Kauri carefully from across the booth. He doesn’t want to talk about this, Cass’ mind supplies. Literally anyone could see how uncomfortable Kauri was. Scared, even. 

“Nah you’re good,” Cass shrugs with an easy smile “I just wondered.”

Cass wants to ask what happened between the two of them. More than to empathise, he just wants to know the story. Which one of them fucked it up so bad that ‘only real friend’ goes to nothing. It was pretty fucking clear that Kauri thought it was his fault. But to be fair, Kauri more or less thought that getting punched in the head was his fault.

Cass wants to know the truth of it so bad. Instead he changes the subject. 

“I kinda fucked up your chances to find a place to stay tonight, huh?” 

Kauri snorts, resting his chin on his knees, watching Cass with a hint of the same small smile on his face. Just watching his hair move as he talks, and the way his fingers look touching the table.

Kauri wonders, vaguely, if he knows how to pull hair just the right way so it hurts a little, but not too much. With hair like his, he probably does. 

“You’re okay. Better than waking up drugged-up in that guy’s basement or whatever, right? I have a bench I go to sometimes if I don’t find anybody for the night, I’ll go over that way eventually. I have a blanket I hid over there we can, um, use, if you want. Or just an alley.” He tries for a wink, and he isn’t entirely sure it works and doesn’t just look a little bit ridiculous. “I’m not, um. Picky. You said you sleep at the place you work, right? It’s like a, a dorm thing?” Kauri hesitates, knowing the question is stupid he knows he’s stupid about this, but… “Do you, uh… do you get a bed, to sleep on?”

"Yeah," Cass says, trying not to sound off-put by the question. At what point in this sad fuck’s story did he not get a bed? "Yeah, I get a bed." He frowns briefly at his food before looking up again with a smile. "Lumpy as fuck, though."

The joke feels stale before it even lands. It's not exactly consolation in comparison to a park bench.

Cass can feel the offer on his tongue, heavy and loaded, and it's so fucking stupid to say it but guests aren't technically banned or anything, just frowned upon and the guy would be sleeping on a park bench.

"Do you... I mean it's not exactly homey, but did you want to come back to mine?" He nearly lets a thousand caveats fall off his tongue like, we'd have to be quiet and you'll have to leave before 8 and by the way my minder might decide to drop in for a late night chat, you cool with that? But instead he grins the easy way. "Can't guarantee we'll do much sleeping."

Kauri can’t quite hide the way he brightens again at the suggestion, although he tries, trying to look cool and smooth and like he wasn’t at all sort of not looking forward to the way he inevitably got woken up on the bench by some jogger yelling at him to go get a job.

You can’t get a job with no ID when you’re fucking illiterate.

“If, if you just wanted me to sleep,” He says, making his tone a little flirty, with a hint of a lopsided, shy smile. “I’d be disappointed. I hardly take up any space when I sleep, I promise. I’ll be up and out of your hair, I’m not, um, I don’t try and stick around or anything. That’s… see, you are nice. You just tell yourself you’re not.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Cass snorts. He leans forward conspiratorially, walking his fingers up Kauri’s arm as he speaks “How do you know this hasn’t just been some long play just to get you into my cult or something? Maybe once you go inside, you’ll never leave.”

Kauri shivers a little, moving his arm just slightly to make it easier for Cass, biting down on his lower lip with the same hint of a shy smile. The feeling of Cass’s fingers was like little sparks on his arm, and it felt like his touch lingered even after his fingers had moved. Kauri felt warm and cold all at once, heat starting to pool in his hips as he shifted around.

I am going to ride him until I can barely walk, after.

“You’re, um-” Kauri’s voice caught in his throat, and he cleared it, embarrassed. “That’s not fair, doing that in public.”

Cass smiles, tilting his to the side, feels it rush through him like an electric thrill even time the guy shudders like that. “Told you,” he murmurs “It’s a talent.”

He slips his fingers under the cuff of Kauri’s sweatshirt again, running little circles over his wrist. The guy is so responsive to touch it’s intoxicating. And Cass hasn’t even got him undressed yet.

It’s been ages since Cass has had the chance to play this role. He usually just melts into whatever the other person wants. He’s scrawny looking and gets flirty when he's high and he moves like a slut on the dancefloor, so recently that meant he pretty consistently landed himself in the role of desperate twink, ready to turn his brain off and let his partner take the lead. But this. This is what he likes, if he’s honest with himself. He likes seeing someone dissolve under his hands.

He smirks, pulling Kauri’s hand towards him and planting a kiss on his palm, “I could have you falling apart before we even leave the table, huh?”

Kauri’s fingers twitch, a little, with the urge to touch right back. It’s a familiar feeling, the need to touch, to be touched, to be reminded that someone wants him. It’s a more reassuring one that it doesn’t feel as desperate or worried as it sometimes does. This feels more like all of Kauri wants him, not just the parts that only know to want one thing. 

It feels like wanting Dustin - almost safe. As close to safe as he gets.

“You’re about h-halfway there already,” He says, not quite a whisper, not quite speech. “What, um. I’m bad at this. What other talents do you-... no, that sounds stupid-... I’m so bad at it when I’m not, um, trying to be good at it, I don’t… please just-” He’s bright red. He can’t finish the sentence, not out loud. 

Please just take me somewhere and fuck me.

[jinna-aka-ninja]

Hello! Could you please write something with the lost boys being in a relationship with the reader (poly maybe if you do that, if not is ok!) and the reader is really sick and has been for a while and came to Santa Carla to sort of die happy and she ended up meeting them. Maybe she passes out while having fun with them and she tells them she’s dying and they decide to turn her. Wow that is a lot you don’t have to do all that if you don’t wanna I don’t wanna tell you what to do haha!

I actually like this idea a lot! Seems like it would be fun to write and I am hoping that I do it justice! Oh gosh this is so much longer than I expected it to come out and I am so sorry. 

-

Six Months. That was all the time she had left. "It's a long time. You will be fine. Safe and happy if you stay in the hospital." Her so-called friends had said to her. Of course they were more than likely just trying to make her feel better but the more she thought about she knew that those 6 months would not include Christmas. Her last Christmas she spent the entire day alone and bored out of her mind like any other day. How could she have let herself waste a holiday? Though...she didn't have any family left alive or in her life so the holiday would have been alone no matter what. 

This only hurt her emotions even more. How could she stay where she was? (Y/N) decided that it was best for her if she was to move. Just get out of the place and be somewhere new. Looking at a post card her mother had in a box of old momentos when she was still alive, (Y/N) decided that she should go to the place her mother said was one of her favorite places to be. Santa Carla. (Y/N) had never been there but the post card made it look wonderful, then again, all post cards were meant to make it look like it was a wonderful place to spend time. 

Making a few calls it was not hard for her to find a place to stay for a few months. In fact it didn't cost nearly as much as it would have but it seemed as if her doctor had made a few calls of their own and got the people who owned the place and were renting it out to bring the price down for her. It was clear that it was somewhere she was going to spend a bit more time before she would inevitably check into a hospice in Santa Carla. It was the deal they made so they wouldn't have someone die in their home. She agreed to this even if it did seem like a horrid way to go. Thinking that it would be best not to think about such a thing (Y/N) went to the airport so she could get there as quickly as possible. As much as she would have loved a roadtrip her doctors strongly advised she did not put herself through that much stress or it would make things go horribly wrong faster. 

Santa Carla looked just as amazing in person as it did in the picture she had seen. It made her feel rather happy. Going out every night and sleeping until noon. It had only been two weeks and it seemed that she had been bored. It was one thing to have fun but it was no fun when she was by herself. Walking along the sandy shores, shoes in hand, (Y/N) heard the sound of engines roaring behind her. Her head turned to look at the source of the sounds instinctively and she stopped walking. The bikes stopped near her as the hollaring of the boys had seemed to only get louder. 

It was not only them on the beach so the boys made no move to drain her dry. "Hey there beautiful. I thought the moon goddess didn't come down to earth but somehow you came to visit me." The long haired blonde with teased hair said as he sent a wink and brought a joint up to his lips. 

"Oh god Paul. Please no. That was just horrible. You really think that she came to visit you? It's pretty obvious that someone as gorgeous as that is here for me and not you." The curly haired blonde with a cherub face spoke with a rather mischevious smile. 

Now (Y/N) was rather amused by their words. A small smile pushing to pull at the corner of her lips. "You both are fairly handsome so if a moon goddess did ever decide to go and visit the people of Earth no doubt it woudl be to visit either one of you." She said to them. 

This caught the two off guard but the one with the shorter blonde hair and long coat seemed to smirk at her words. "She's quick witted too. Names David. That's Paul, Marko and this silent giant is Dwayne. " David spoke to her while walking up. He held out his hand for her to shake. 

The moment (Y/N) took a hold of his hand to shake he brought it up to his lips in a soft kiss. There was trouble in his eyes. Something that she was yelling in her head that she should stay away from but a more louder voice in her head told her that she didn't have much time anyway so there shouldn't be too much risk anyway. What was the worst that could happen? She dies?  The thought nearly made her laugh. "My name is (Y/N), you seem rather smooth. Though I always preferred rough." 

The look of mischief seemed to grow in his eyes as he heard her speak. He always did enjoy a little bit of a challenge and this girl seemed much more different than anyone else. "You should hang with us, kitten. I bet we can make you have some fun. You look a little bored." 

"I'm going to hold you to that bet." (Y/N) said to him as she seemed to feel as if her fun was only just going to start back up again. That would have been great! 

That was nearly three months ago now. The boys always seemed to have fun when (Y/N) was around. Always putting a genuine smile on their faces. It didn't take long for her to notice that they were not just  brothers they were more than that. Almost like they were dating. At first she thought it to be nothing but then she noticed that they were a lot more touchy with one another then they were with others. Though it seemed almost as if they were trying to get touchy with her as well. (Y/N) had refused to drink the wine that they offered. It happened almost every other night that they offered it to her. Each time however she said no because she was not supposed to drink. However she told David, Marko, Paul and Dwayne that she just didn't drink alcohol. 

Despite knowing them for so long now, she felt that it would be bad if she told them that she was going to be dying soon. How could she? They seemed so happy when they were with her and all (Y/N) could think about was how it could possibly effect them. Not wanting to break their hearts she kept it a secret. 

"Come on! It's going to be fun!" Marko said, "You can even ride with Dwayne. He knows how to ride without scaring others. He has Laddie usually but I'm sure the kid wouldn't mind riding with Paul just this once." 

She looked unsure as she looked at the bike. Sure it was a death trap but these guys had been riding them for so long that she was sure that they knew exactly how to drive them without getting hurt. Not to mention that (Y/N) would trust Dwayne with her life at any time. He was silent most of the time but when he did speak it was usually in ways that could make her feel like her heart was his at any moment that he wanted. It wasn't just his words that were smooth, his voice was smooth as well almost enchanting. 

The ride was thrilling to say the least. The entire time she was holding onto Dwayne's waist as tight as her arms could. This made him chuckle and laugh each time she gripped just a bit more tightly. When the ride ended, David whisked her straight off of the bike behind Dwayne. "Did you have fun Kitten?" he asked with a chuckle. 

Nodding her head, (Y/N) had her hand over her chest, a smile on her lips but something was wrong. She could already feel the heart beat accelerating. Something was going bad and she was unable to tell them. Trying to focus, she was unable to wrap her mind around the idea. (Y/N) was dizzy and things went blurry before her body went limp. Heart beating erratically as it tried to calm itself down. 

"(Y/N)!!!" Paul yelled out as David held her in his arms so that she wouldn't fall limp onto the concrete sidewalk. 

Dwayne seemed rather panicked. All he wanted was to make sure that she was okay and he was blaming himself for her being ill. Had he taken it too far? He was being very careful so that nothing went wrong. Dwayne never wanted her to feel as if she was in danger. Was she really just that scared? So scared that she managed to pass out? 

One thing did happen, when she fell just a bit when going limp, her arm hit a railing. Scraping against the metal just enough for her to get a cut. Blood dripping down her arm. They could smell it almost right away. The scent of the blood was off. Like something was ill. She had never bled around them before. But now they could tell something was definately wrong. Getting her back to the cave right away, David laid her down on the couch. They all sat in different spaces, Paul didn't even play the music because he could not help but worry. Each of them had frowns while David held the adorned wine flask in his hands. The dark red liquid swishing side to side as (Y/N) came to. 

"You weren't going to tell us were you?" David asked her. There was a seriousness in his eyes while he looked at her. Though it was also filled with worry. 

"Tell you what?" She asked them confused by their reactions. "That I tend to pass out when my heart rate goes just a bit too fast? I guess I just got a bit too excited." She laughed out but she knew the truth. She did not know that they knew the truth though. 

"I think he is referring to your being sick." Dwayne said looking at her almost hurt. How could she not tell them? They were so close to one another and yet she insisted on not telling them about something so very important like this?

Her eyes narrowed but she still looked confused. How could they know? They could not possibly get that information from her doctor. It was impossible. "What?....How coudl you know that?" She asked them standing up and looking rather defensive. 

David stood up and walked to her, "We know more than you think. We aren't what you think...We want you to join us. Drink. Be one of us. Stay with us." he said holding out the flask to her. 

"I can't drink." She said to him looking at the flask warily for a moment. "Alcohol is bad and will harm me." 

David gave a smile as he placed it in her hands. "This won't harm you. It will help you live. Live with us. As one of us...you're our girl (Y/N). Stay with us and be ours forever." 

Lifting up the flask hesitantly, (Y/N) took a sip of the sweet yet strangely metallic dark red-crimson liquid. It poured down her throat and things started to get strange. The boys were hooting and hollaring as the music began to play. Soon (Y/N) found herself being moved from one Lost Boy to the other as she danced with them to the music. In the end she wound up in a bed with them all wrapping their arms around each other and her. Laddie had been sleeping in his own bed so they got to use this one all to themselves. 

They had not quite explained to her how this would help her but she felt she could trust them. Besides, what did she have to lose? They were worth it. 

[allisondraste]

Temperance 40/42

Pairing: Nathaniel Howe/ Female, Non-HoF Cousland

Story Summary: Nathaniel and Elissa were childhood friends, but time and distance tore them apart. In the aftermath of the Fifth Blight, and Ferelden’s Civil War, both Elissa and Nathaniel must attempt reconstruct their tattered lives. As a series of events lead them to be reunited, both are reminded of so many years ago when things were much simpler.

Chapter Summary:   Nathaniel returns from his brooding in the rain to find Liss in his room.  They talk. Finally. 

First Chapter

Previous Chapter

[AO3 LINK]

Vigil’s Keep 9:31 Dragon

Nathaniel brushed a stray strand of damp hair back from where it clung to his face, grumbling and shaking his head as he crossed the Keep’s main hall and headed up the flight of stairs that led to the corridor where the living quarters were located.  It had seemed fitting at the time, to sit in the pouring rain as he pondered his own bull-headed foolishness. Now, he regretted the decision as he walked down the corridor and to his room, wet and uncomfortable. He had come inside with the hope of visiting Liss immediately, of seeing if Velanna’s potion had aided in her recovery.  However, he figured it would be in everyone’s best interest if he changed into something dry first. He was in no mood to be mocked by Anders about his choice to brood in the rain, and knowing the mage, the mockery was inevitable.

As he neared his quarters, he noticed that the door hung open slightly, torchlight trickling out into the hall.  He slowed his pace and approached more cautiously. He did not recall leaving his door open, but then again, he had also not been thinking clearly when he’d left his room just hours before.  Closing and locking the door had not been high on his priority list at the time. He took a breath in an attempt to relax and continued toward the door with less concern. It was unlikely that anyone would have invaded his privacy, after all.  None of the Wardens present, with the exception of Liss, would have dared. Considering that Liss was incapacitated, he had nothing to be worried about.  

Or so he thought.

Of course it came as a shock when he pushed open the door to see Liss sitting on the edge of the bed, and he halted mid-step, frozen in the doorway.  Her eyes were red and swollen, face damp with tears, and his heart ached for her. He wondered why she was there in the first place, what had caused her tears.  Was it his doing? The Joining? He was in no place to make any assumptions. Relieved as he was to see her alive and awake, a tear-stained woman sitting at the end of one’s bed was typically an ill omen.  

Nathaniel’s eyes flicked from Liss’ face to the piece of parchment in her hand, wrinkled as if it had been wadded up and then straightened back out.  With a glance to his dresser, to the spot where the letter he’d written in Denerim once lay, he knew exactly what she was holding. She must have come to his quarters looking for him and found the damned thing instead.  Had it upset her? Of course it had. Andraste’s arse, had leaving personal items lying about on dressers not already caused him enough misery?

“Liss,” he asked hesitantly, voice ragged and quivering despite an effortful attempt to maintain his composure.  She looked up at him instantly, unfazed by his sudden appearance, and stood up from the bed. She dabbed at the tears on her face with one of her sleeves.  

“Hey, Nate,” she said with a smile so bright he thought he might melt.  Perhaps things were not so dire as they seemed. Liss wiped at her face again and sniffed her nose before holding up the parchment in her other hand.  “I finally got your letter.”

For a moment, he  was at a loss for how to respond, standing like an awkward statue at the threshold to his own room.  Flashes of his last conversation with Liss replayed themselves in his mind, and he realized he had not prepared for her to be anything other than angry with him when she recovered.  She had no reason to be. His last minute realization and rush to her side was not exactly redemption. Her somber smile had managed to catch him off guard in more ways than one, and his stomach twisted itself into knots.  Not knowing what else to do, he sighed, exhaling equal parts anxiety and relief, and entered the room completely, pushing the door closed behind him. It was far past time that they talked.

Liss watched him in a way that was completely out of character for her.  Quiet. Patient. Had it not been such a serious moment, he might have asked if the Joining had given her some impulse control.  However, it was a serious moment, and her warm, brown eyes remained fixed on him intently. It seemed she was leaving the moment in his hands and the next move was his.   All he wanted to do was to close the distance between them, to hold her so tightly that the rest of the world might slip away, and for the first time in far too many years he realized that he could.

Without a word, and with disregard to the carefulness that so often paralyzed him, Nathaniel rushed forward, closing the distance between them and pulling her into an embrace.  Liss didn’t even stiffen at the sudden, unexpected display of affection, and instead fell immediately into his arms, wrapping her own around his waist and squeezing so tightly that she trembled. Her breath warmed his chest as she buried her face into the fabric of his shirt and he wondered if she could hear the forceful drumming of his heartbeat.

The moment reminded him of their reunion in Denerim, only without the years of walls between them.  Unpleasant as they may have been, their arguments over the past few days knocked down every last defense and  stripped them bare to the point of being raw. They were healing, but tender and vulnerable. It would have been so easy for them to hurt one another again, he thought, to rub salt into gaping wounds.  That was the last thing he wanted to do.

“I am glad you’re all right,” Nathaniel spoke finally, a whisper into her hair before leaning back to look at her.  “How are you feeling?”

Liss looked up at him, tearful but smiling regardless. “Awful,” she mumbled, “It feels like I swallowed a dozen hot coals.” “Just a dozen?” he teased, reasonably assured that it would be well-received.

She laughed, rolled her eyes, and leaned forward so that her head was against his chest again. “At least a dozen.  It was not a pleasant experience.”

“I know,” he said, no longer joking, “All too well.”

“It feels like I have not slept or eaten in days, “ Liss continued, with a humorless, exasperated laugh at the end of her sentence. “Yet, I’m not certain I could do either at the moment.”

There was a brief pause, and then Liss spoke again. “Shut up, Nate.”

Startled, he replied. “I...I didn’t say anything.”

“Yes, but I know you were thinking it,” she mumbled, face still pressed to his chest.

“Thinking what, exactly?”  He had no idea what in Thedas she was talking about.

“You should have eaten all of the cookies, Liss,” she said, lowering her voice in a hilarious attempt to imitate him.

Nathaniel didn’t respond, but a smile twitched on his lips, and he brought one of his hands up to stroke her hair.  She was still so lovely and gentle despite the chaos spiraling around her, the calm eye of a devastating storm. No one would have blamed her if she lost herself, if she became bitter and angry at the world that hurt her.  Yet she didn’t. She had chosen to remain soft, to open herself back up to the very things that hurt her, himself included. He was unworthy of her trust, but grateful she still offered it to him.  

Several moments of comfortable, yet heavy silence passed between them, and then Liss began to stir.  Nathaniel looked down to see her furrowing her brows and examining his shirt, pinching bits of it between her fingers curiously, and then looking up at him with a tilt to her head.

“You’re wet,” she observed, lips spreading into a smile as she reached up to touch his still damp hair.

“It was raining,” he explained, breathlessly, chest swelling at her affectionate gesture.  He found himself unable to tear his gaze away from her.

 “Right,” Liss answered, face just inches away from his, eyes flicking down briefly and then back up.

They lingered that way for a breath, air between them heady, but neither daring to close the distance.  Nathaniel swallowed hard and gathered up the strength to pull his eyes away from her, and to release her from the embrace.  He took a slight step backward, and she frowned almost imperceptibly, shifting her gaze toward the floor.

“Listen, Liss.  About earlier…” he began, relieved when she brought her gaze back up to him, at  least interested in what he had to say, “I meant every word I said to you, and I do not regret that I did.  Still, I realize that I chose an awful time and the worst way to do so. The first time I told you I loved you should not have been out of desperation.  It was unfair, and you deserve better than that.”

“It was unfair.  Entirely,” Liss remarked, serious, but then looked down to the parchment in her hand and laughed. “But it looks like you might have had every intention to tell me sooner.”

“I wanted to,” Nathaniel sighed, “Desperately.  Things kept getting in the way, and before I knew it you were joining the Grey Wardens and I was faced with the potential of losing you again.  I was scared and I acted rashly because of it. I apologize.”

“I forgive you, “  she assured him, “And not just for the ill-timed confession.  I forgive you for everything. We were children the last time we saw one another, frightened children who were being separated and were at a loss for what to do.  Of course we handled it poorly.”

Nathaniel opened his mouth to speak, but decided against it when he saw her eyes sweeping across the letter.  She shook her head and looked back up at him. “This letter… Nate. I wish I had tried harder to put myself in your shoes, but I couldn’t.  All I could feel was my own broken heart. I’m so sorry.”

“You don’t owe me an apology,” he said, tears burning in his eyes.

“Yes,” she asserted, holding his gaze, “I do.”

They fell silent for a moment as she looked at him, earnest tears welling in her eyes.  He finally nodded in acceptance. Whether or not he believed she needed to apologize or not, it made him feel better to hear it.

“This has been such a mess, hasn’t it,” he asked, laughing humorlessly.

“Quite.”

Nathaniel inhaled deeply, preparing himself to speak again, to say more difficult words.  “I would like to try again. To show you how I feel for you, that is.”

Liss bit her lip and smiled.  “Quite frankly, I’d be insulted if you didn’t.”

“Good,” he replied, chuckling as he took both of her hands in his, looking down at them as he attempted to speak, all too aware of her gaze burning straight through him.  “Although, I am not quite certain where to start. I have had so many years to mull this over, everything I’d ever thought to say seems so ridiculous and unnecessary now.”  

“You know, ‘ridiculous and unnecessary’ just sounds like your way of saying ‘romantic, but embarrassing to say out loud,’”  she teased, freeing one of her hands to tap under his chin. He brought his eyes up to meet hers, reflexively, and she winked.

Nathaniel snorted out a laugh in response, neither admitting to nor denying her accusation. She knew him well, it seemed.  Just the thought of vocalizing any of the flowery things he’d written made him cringe. That’s why it had been so easy to just let it all tumble out of his mouth recklessly when he was angry, and why he stood speechless now.

“Well?” Liss crossed her arms and raised her eyebrows at him, clearly disapproving of his omission.  “Am I wrong?”

He met her gaze and blinked a few times, his amusement at her annoyance fading away as he looked at her, those brown eyes waiting for him to respond, the perfect line of her nose, the gentle curve of her lips pursed into a playful frown. How many years had he spent pretending not to notice each and every detail that currently drove him to distraction? How had he managed to temper his desire for her for so long? He brought a hand up to Liss’ face, brushing a strand of hair away and allowing his fingertips to ghost over her skin before settling on her cheek. Perhaps he would not need to use his words at all.  

“What are you...,” she began, voice halting and breathless, “Are you going to kiss me?”

Before Nathaniel had the chance to overthink his intentions, to second guess himself, he leaned forward and answered, pressing his lips to hers as gently as he could, as if he might shatter the moment with anything more.  Liss’ breath hitched audibly, but she did not pull away from him, bringing her hand up to cover his that still cupped her face instead.

“Yes,” he whispered against her lips before kissing them again, more certain than before.  Warmth radiated from the contact and overwhelmed him. Tears brewed in his eyes, burning hot until they escaped down his cheeks.  Liss cried too, droplets falling from dark lashes, as she tightened her grip on his hand. She took a long, shaky breath and opened her eyes.

“I love you,” he confessed with reverence, composure torn at the seams, everything he’d held back for as long as he could remember threatening to burst forward as he let his forehead rest against hers, “I never stopped.”

A relieved laugh escaped Liss’ throat, punctuated by sniffs of her nose, and she brought her free hand up to his face, dabbing away the tears that lingered. “I love you, too, Nate.”

When Liss returned the kiss, it was in her own way—sudden, with all the confidence and unfiltered affection she always had, crashing into him with the immense force of every emotion she carried.  It knocked the wind from his lungs and he could no longer worry that the moment was fragile, that she was fragile. He had no reason to tell himself that the depths of his feelings would drown her.  She could handle all of it.

Nathaniel let go of his already threadbare restraint, wrapping his arms around her, fingers in her hair and clinging to her as if she might slip away at any moment.  Their lips met again and again, tears mingling on cheeks and burning on tongues. It reminded him so much of the night they’d kissed in her room before he left for Starkhaven, only less hurried, and without the bitterness of the goodbye that followed.  There would be no tearing himself away from her arms, no trembling and aching as he left her sobbing behind him. Never again. He was hers, now and always.

It was Liss who broke away first, breathing heavily.  Her eyes fixed on him, worried and searching his face for something he could not place.  He loosened their embrace, but kept his arms around her, mirroring the worried expression.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.” Liss shook her head. “It’s just… I am worried that this isn’t real, that I will wake up at any moment and realize it was all some ridiculously elaborate dream.”

“Liss,” Nathaniel laughed, relieved that it was not something worse, “This isn’t a dream.”

“That sounds exactly like something dream Nathaniel would say to me,” she quipped, tilting her head back.  She flashed an embarrassed smile, recognizing the absurdity of her own words.

“He sounds like an arse,” Nathaniel observed.

“He isn’t so bad,” she explained as she leaned into him, eyes fluttering closed as she lay her head against his chest. “He just has this frustrating habit of not still being there when I wake up.”

“And that is something you want,” he asked, attempting to ignore the desire that pooled in every nerve.

She glanced up at him once again, unabashed despite the flush that formed at the implication of her own words. “That is one of the many benefits of sleeping with someone, is it not?”

“Is that— “

“It’s an invitation, Nathaniel,” she interrupted, matter-of-factly, eyes sparkling with something akin to mischief. “If you want it.”

He flinched and was suddenly clambering for words despite being so sure of himself just moments before, his ability to think with any degree of clarity drained in an instant. “You’re not worried it’s too soon?”

“Not if you aren’t,” came her reply, eyebrows raised.  “We could always wait another nine years, if you prefer.”

“Maker, no,” Nathaniel protested, taking her face in his hands. “I accept your invitation, my lady.”

“Thank goodness,” she said, laughing and capturing his lips again, “For a moment there I thought I had made things awkward.”

“I will be sorely disappointed if this isn’t at least a little awkward,” he joked and kissed her forehead.

They quickly fell back into one another, a tangle of lips and limbs, and Nathaniel wondered, briefly,  if he was the one dreaming. Just hours before, he had not known if he and Liss had a future, and now he held her in his arms, warm and alive, breathing against his neck as her hands explored his skin just under the hem of his shirt.  His breath caught in his throat and he stiffened reflexively.  

“I’m sorry,” Liss blurted urgently, pulling away, “I didn’t mean to— Did I—“

“Relax,” Nathaniel reassured her and chuckled, reaching for the hands that she had retracted so quickly. “Your hands are just cold.  Like ice, actually.”

“Oh,” she muttered wincing apologetically.  “Sorry. They’re like that when I’m nervous, sometimes.”

He smirked as he held her hands securely between his and brought them up to his mouth, rubbing and blowing hot air until they felt suitably warm. “Are you nervous,” he asked, pressing a kiss on the knuckles of each hand and holding them to his lips as he waited for her to answer.

“A bit. Yes,” she admitted, smiling brightly as the blush on her cheeks deepened.  She pulled her hands gently away from him, only to reach for them again, lacing her fingers through his and tugging at his arms, leading him to the bed. “I’ll get over it.”

The next hour or so was filled not with the passionate cries of lovers grasping torridly at one another after too long apart, but with the warmth and laughter of friends holding on to one another as they shared their most vulnerable pieces for the first time.  It was filled with tender touches and whispers of names, with jokes and apologies. It was awkward, and it was perfect, exactly as it should have been.  

For a long time afterward, they lay tangled up in one another, awake.  Liss, with a leg and arm thrown over him, traced patterns across his chest with her fingertips as they shared tales from their years apart and laughed over memories of their time together.  He had nearly forgotten how much he loved hearing the excitement in her voice when she told stories, how he missed her laughter, the glimmer in her eyes when she teased him. She had symbolized home for him for as long as he could remember, an important part of him he could not replace no matter how hard he tried.  As their talking finally quieted to a hush, as Liss’ breathing slowed and she drifted off into sleep, her arms around his waist and her face pressed soundly against the middle of his back, he felt whole again. He was home.

[shadowthrone-ammanas]

Ghost Kid Chapter Ten: Repairs

Hat Kid was getting close to finishing her attempt at repairing the ship. She wouldn’t know if it was successful until she finished and turned it on. Once on, its self-diagnostics systems would tell her if the ship could fly and if so, how well.

It was nerve-wracking being so close to an answer on whether or not she was stuck here or if she’d have to truly start to consider how people back home might react to her new form. Despite that she buckled down on it, taking breaks only to read her book in lieu of sleeping.

The Subcon history book was dense and thick, lasting her far longer than any of the fairytale books had. The images of Subcon before it had been cursed were the most interesting. It was just a normal small kingdom surrounded by normal woods. It seemed to be a peaceful place, a few wars had been fought over it but not many and none of them particularly bad, all ending in peace treaties. It was actually kind of boring, not what Hat Kid had been expecting at all. It kept her busy when not working on her ship so she kept reading, hoping for more interesting stuff to pop up deeper in the book.

But eventually she reached a point where she finally, at long last had done everything she possibly could to repair her ship with what resources she had. She’d had to cut a few corners but in theory it might work. Only one way to find out.

The ship fired up just fine. Maybe it took a few seconds longer than normal but that might’ve just been her anticipation making it seem longer. She sat at the command desk… where her body had been and thus where she’d died! … Nope, she wasn’t thinking about that right now even if she just realized she’d been avoiding this spot until now. But she had no choice, it was the ship’s command desk.

She quickly punched in some commands, starting the ship’s self-diagnostics. It took it a few minutes but the overall result came up yellow. More info revealed that it was functional but being careful was advised, especially when warp jumping. The computer also advised going home for immediate proper repair. But that was possible, according the computer which was rarely wrong, the ship could safely make it all the way back home. Meaning despite all odds she’d done it, she’d gotten her ship space worthy again. All she had to do now was fix the window and she was free to go home whenever she pleased because she already had all the Time Pieces back – she’d only been sticking around to do the Death Wish contracts.

It almost didn’t feel real. How long had she been working on this? Weeks and weeks for sure, months even. And now it was basically done. But… did she still even want to go home?

Would she be accepted back as a ghost? Would returning dead count as having failed the final test? If so, they’d want take her ship away. Did she want to risk that with how strict the Headmaster was? Her ship meant everything to her, losing it or giving it up was out of the question, it was hers. But… she’d worked so hard to go back home, both before and after her death. And it was home she couldn’t just abandon home without even trying even if it meant risking her ship, could she?

With a sigh, she exited through the broken window, floating down to the forest floor. If only she could take a nap, get away from thinking about this decision for a while. She could read, that helped a lot but… she wasn’t in the mood to slog through more the history book right now.

Instead, she went for a wander. Getting away from the ship and just looking around the forest was nice, especially now that there weren’t any hazards to her. Eventually she inevitably ended up looking for Snatcher. It had been a while since she’d talked to him, days in fact. She found him in his favourite reading spot in the giant hollow.

“Snatcher,” she said in way of greeting as she floated in.

“Hmm… hello,” he replied, not looking up from his book.

“Um… I finished repairing my ship.” That got him to lower his book and look at her. “All I need to do now is fix the window and I can go home.”

“That’s great news,” he replied with a smile. “I’ll finally be rid of you. I can’t wait.”

“Yeah, but…” Hat Kid lifted a hand to rub the back her neck, far too used to the feel of her own ghostly form now. “I don’t know if I want to go to back home.”

Snatcher’s eyes narrowed as he actually closed his book now. “Why not?”

“I uh… don’t know if… they’d let me back like this. They might… count my death as a failure and… take away my ship.” And without that, what was the point? She had no family, a friend yes, but… would Bow want her back like this?

“Who’s ‘they’?”

“The school. I didn’t teach myself how to fly and repair a space ship, you know, someone had to teach me.”

“Honestly kid, if you told me you did, I might actually believe you.” Oh! A compliment, that was unlike him. Exciting stuff. But before she could call him on it, he continued. “But why are they teaching children that stuff in the first place?”

Should Hat Kid answer this? She’d been told not to say anything about her home planet to any intelligent life she discovered. … He was her BFF though so it was probably fine, especially since he wasn’t likely to be able to do anything with the info even if he wanted to. Besides, the rule had been about intelligent life and Snatcher was not alive so telling him was technically not breaking the rules. So…

“Well,” she said, “most of the kids aren’t given a real ship to fly until they’re a bit older. I’m what they call a ‘prodigy’ though, meaning I’m like real smart or something. I went through the classes super-fast so I would be allowed to fly a spaceship.” Once she’d learned that that was on the table, she’d been determined to do it no matter what it took. “Some of the teachers complained about how fast I was elevated because like a lot of the pilot tests and training things are super dangerous and people get hurt during them. They quickly stopped caring though after I aced the first one.” And she’d never cared, danger was fun and more than worth dealing with if it meant she got to fly her ship.

Snatcher frowned. “That sounds like a major lawsuit waiting to happen. They’re going to get sued into the ground sometime soon, the fact that they haven’t been already is a miracle.”

Hat Kid shrugged; she didn’t know much about that kind of thing. “I don’t know if they can be.” She didn’t really care either. “I’m pretty sure they’re heavily backed by the government or some big important organization that wants more trained pilots for their space fleet. They’re into ‘exploring outer space and expanding their galactic influence’ which I’m pretty sure means they’re into conquering weaker planets and expanding their space empire.”

Now Snatcher actually looked offended. It was comical. “That’s even worse kid. What the peck is wrong with your home planet?”

“I don’t know.” Hat Kid hadn’t thought anything was strange about it, though she had grown up with it so maybe he was right? She didn’t care though, she just wanted to fly her space ship. But…  “Why do you care so much?”

“I don’t.” Lies, he put on a calm demeanor now that didn’t change how openly offended he’d just been. “I’m just saying, a school training children and other young people to be part of basically their army is amoral. I have no doubt there’s a lot of brainwashing going on there. The fact that their training is dangerous makes it even worse, especially since they let literal children take part in it.”

“What about all your contracts? You forced me to work for you, doing some pretty dangerous things. And the Death Wish contracts are super-duper dangerous, I almost died doing them more times than I can count. So, aren’t you just as bad as they are?”

“That’s different.” Snatcher made a dismissive gesture. “I’m not in charge of your wellbeing. People who take on the responsibility of raising and teaching children should at least try to raise them well.”

“So, what you’re saying is if you adopted a kid, you’d be a good parent?” Hat Kid would like to see that. She couldn’t even imagine Snatcher trying to be good, it’d be hilarious.

“Oh uh… I guess I’d try to be.” Snatcher shrugged, examining his nonexistent nails. “I’m not going to adopt any children though. I hate kids, they’re the worst. There’s one in particular that won’t stop bothering me, she’s without a doubt the single most annoying person I’ve ever met.”

Hat Kid couldn’t help but giggle a bit. “I’ll take that as a compliment. You’re old so you must’ve met a lot of people, the fact that I’m the most annoying one is impressive.”

“I’m not old.” Despite his contrary words, his expression and tone were closer to being soft than he probably intended. “Or well… maybe I am old in a way. Nothing wrong with being old though. And it wasn’t a compliment, it was an insult. Being annoying is a bad thing kid, it makes people not like you.”

“Well, you seem to like me plenty despite that so I’m not too worried.”

Snatcher scoffed. “In your dreams kid.” He could say that all he wanted but she knew the truth, this conversation confirmed it. But speaking of that, the thing she’d come here to discuss with him wasn’t resolved, they’d got sidetracked.

“But uh… anyway,” she said. “I was tasked with visiting three planets to gather data and stuff, this one wasn’t really planned, as a final test. I was supposed to fly back home and graduate and the ship would officially be mine.” It already was hers as far as she was concerned. “But… since I died, they might view it as a failure and take away my ship. I… would rather not return if that’s what they’re going to do.”

“How likely is it that they’ll take your ship?”

“Uh… I don’t know but… I fear it’s high.” Was she just being paranoid though? Or was she judging them accurately? “And I don’t know much about ghosts on my home planet but… I know there are ghost hunters who hunt them. I don’t know what they do with them once they catch them though.” There was a very real possibility she’d find out if she went back. “So… I don’t know if I should go home but I’ve worked so hard to go back and it’s still home so… I’m not sure what I should do.”

“Hmmm… sounds like you’re in a bit of pickle.”

“Yeah, can you uh… help me? Give me advice or something? I know you probably don’t have any experience in this kind of thing but… I don’t know what to do.”

Snatcher was silent for a few seconds before replying. “Depending on the exact laws of your planet, you might be able to make a legal case for keeping your ship and graduating. You’re a child without a legal guardian though so that complicates things a bit on top of the fact that the school itself is already unethical so they wouldn’t play fair and they’d be able to get away with it because they have a lot of money and a powerful backer. And you’re a ghost, if they’re the kind who want to eradicate ghosts, then you’re probably screwed if you return. So, I would say, if you comfortable taking the risk, then go for it, otherwise, cut your losses and find a new home. You already said you don’t have any parents and the way you spoke about it suggested you don’t have any family either so there’s really nothing keeping you from not returning.” His tone suggested he thought that was the right course of action.

“Uh… okay. I need to think about it some more than I guess.” But really… she’d already decided, hadn’t she? She’d just wanted someone to tell her that that was the right choice or at least an okay choice to make. And she needed one more thing… “If I do decide not to go back though can I… stay here?” Because where else would she go? She was a ghost, a haunted forest full of other ghosts would be the most logical place for her to call her new home. With a bit of work – and probably with Snatcher’s help if he was willing – she could get a docking bay for her ship in the forest so she could take off and land at will. She could take her ship to the nearest spaceport to repair it fully before returning and then from then on this would be her home base. Assuming of course that Snatcher was okay with her staying indefinitely.

Snatcher opened his mouth as if to answer but grimaced instead. “Uh… you know what, fine,” he finally said, relaxing back into his chair. “Since you died, you’ve been less of a bother anyway, so I guess you can stay, provided you continue to stay out of my way.”

“All right, I can do that. Thank you!”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever. Go figure out what you want to do.” He made a shooing gesture towards her. “And then tell me so I know if I should expect you to stick around or not.” He picked up his book again, opening it and already ignoring her again.

Previous / Next