#sometimes I need to spell it out
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OCD: We don't know what the qualifications of "being a good person" are, or at what point you stop being one, so we're just going to avoid everyone all the time so we don't hurt them :)
Me: But if. You avoid people. How can you help them. Also what about the people you already know who have a vested interest in continuing to talk to you? Wouldn't this hurt them? This doesn't make any sense.
OCD: No :) It doesn't :)
Me: But then--
OCD: Good luck :) :) :)
#sometimes I need to spell it out#you do not even WANT to know about the absolute ridiculous shit this disorder uses as 'evidence' that I have abandoned my humanity#and am either already the worst person alive or inevitably ending up there#mc13 and her ocd#once again: that part in c4 pure where marnie straight-up leaves the country because MAYBE if she's not AROUND anyone she cares#about then she can't hurt them or infect them with her poisonous brain#ALSO that one part of c4 pure where marnie asks her therapist to just tell her how get rid of all the Intrusives™ so she isn't destined to#be isolated forever.#........I should just watch c4 pure again. tbh.
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hey i feel like we're really sleeping on that time Danny possessed Vlad & framed him for assaulting a minor
Editing with the clip because people don't believe me. Episode is 41: Eye for an Eye.
#Danny Phantom#i think this ties into my other post i made a long time ago about Danny siccing the GIW on Vlad#like we KNOW in CANON that if Danny was even a tiny bit more like Vlad he would literally become a supervillain#villain is such a stupid word i hate how it's spelled. why is it like that#anyways i need to like. rewatch DP cuz i remember shit & then i'm like#did that actually happen. because that sounds too insane#but like. he Did That. didnt he#i think that's what i love about this character. but a lot of people ignore it#Danny is like. gritting his teeth going ''do good do good'' it isnt effortless it isnt easy he doesnt even want to do it half the time#& sometimes yeah he WILL do crimes or get back at people who've been assholes to him or whatever#he WILL use his powers for bad sometimes#he'll be like ''dont do that it's bad'' but like. he WILL do it himself#the whole ''i'm a hero'' thing he's got going on is like. more of a. how do i put this#it's like when you're drawing or writing & saying ''it doesnt have to be perfect it just has to BE''#like Danny isn't a hero sometimes. he's got morals & has a general understanding of good & bad#but also he's 14 & being attacked every day#i would start saying bad words & threatening people that annoy me too man#okay i glanced over the scene again for the first time in years & Danny was literally in the middle of outing Vlad to the whole town???#hello?? are we really ignoring this?????#VLAD TORNADO VLAD TORNADO VLAD TORNADO#this show is so stupid i love it#love how Sam & Tucker immediately backed him up yeah fuck Vlad all my homies hate Vlad#okay you know what. maybe i will do a DP liveblog. i think it would be fun#on daddyplasmius. only posting this on pa-pa-plasma cuz it's kind of just a. weird rant post? kind of? idk
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i feel like im not making any sense but does anyone else feel like there are stories that let u run with them and ones that spell everything out for you
#im reading that post that says artists are directors of audience reaction and not its dictator:#'you cannot guarantee that everyone viewing your work will react as you are trying t make them react. a good artist knows that this is what#allows work to breath. by definition you cannot have art where the viewer brings nothing to the table ... this is why you have to let go of#the urge to plainly state in text exactly how you think the work should be interpreted ... its better to be misinterpreted sometimes than#to talk down to your audience. you wont even gain any control that way; people will still develop their opinions no matter what you do#im thinking abt this again cuz i was thinking maybe the thing that lets adventure time work so well the way it does is cuz it doesnt#take itself too seriously that it gives the audience enough room to fuck with subtext and then fuck with them back yknow. i think it was#mentioned somewhere that they werent even planning to run with the postapocalyptic elements that are hinted in the show but changed their#mind after the one off with the frozen businessmen and dominoed into marcy and simons backstory. on the other side there are stories that#explain too much to let the story speak for itself and i think it ends up having to do more with the crew trying to lead ppl in a certain#direction than expand on what they have and i see a lot of this with miraculous. like when interviews and tweets are used as word of god in#arguments and it becomes a little stifling to play around with it knowing the creator can just interject. u can say its the crews effort to#engage with its audience but it feels more like micromanaging. and none of this is to say there ISNT room for stories that spell things out#theyre just suited for different things. if sesame street tried abstract approaches to themes and nuance itd be counterproductive#a lot of things fly over my head so i need help picking things apart to get it- but it doesnt have to be from the story itself. ive picked#picked up or built on my own interpretations listening to other ppl share their thoughts which creates conversation around the same thing#sometimes stories will spell things out for you without being so obvious abt it that it feels like its woven into the text. my fav example#for this might be ATLA using younger characters as its main cast but instead of feeling like its dumbed down for kids to understand why war#is bad its framed from a childs point of view so younger audiences can pick up on it by relating to the characters. maybe an 8 year old#wont get how geopolitics works but at least they get 'hey the world is a little more complicated than everyone vs. fire nation'. same for#steven universe bc its like theyre trying to describe and put feelings into words that kids might not have so they have smth to start with#especially with the metaphors around relationships bc even if it looks unfamiliar as a kid now maybe the hope is for it to be smth you can#look back to. thats why it feels like these shows grew up with me.. instead of saving difficult topics for 'when im ready for it'#as if its preparing me for high school it gave me smth to turn in my hands and revisit again and again as i grow. stories that never#treated u as dumb all along. just someone who could learn and come back to it as many times as u need to. i loved SU for the longest time#but i felt guilty for enjoying it hearing the way ppl bash it. bc i was a kid and thought other ppl understood it better than me and made#feel bad for leaning into the message of paying forward kindness and not questioning why steven didnt punish the diamonds or hold them#accountable. but im rewatching it now and going oh. i still love this show and what it was trying to teach me#yapping#diary
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I never touched it but I feel like i only ever hear positive things said about song of achilles.. in (rough strokes at least) what makes it dogshit to you?
Okay it's been a while since I actually read it so some of this might not be spot on accurate. Sorry if at any point I say 'the book never does xyz' and it actually does once or twice but I think my underlying criticisms are accurate
-Patroclus is made into like this soft gentle tender quivering little yaoi boy. In the source text, he's shown as compassionate and moved by the suffering of his own men (and apparently having some medical skill, tending to the wounded in the camp), but very much invested n combat and very, very good at it (pages worth of descriptions of the guys he's killing left and right). In this, the arguably more complex character from this 8th century BC text is flattened into Being A Healer, he doesn't want to go to war he just wants to help people, he only goes because Achilles has to but he doesn't want to fight he's a HEALER he's a gentle lover NOT A FIGHTER who just wants to help he just wants to help everyone around him he HEALS while Achilles is a doomed warrior who is so good at fighting and KILLING its a DICHOTOMY GUYS!!!LIKE THE BEAUTIFUL SUN AND MOON DOOMED LOVERS SO SAD patocluse HEALER . (I Think he's specifically characterized as being BAD at fighting but might be misremembering)
-I don't remember much about Achilles' characterization I think it just makes him less of a jackass while not adding anything of interest and levels out into being mad boring.
-Not getting into the literal millenias old debate whether the mythological characters Achilles and Patroclus were being characterized as some type of lover by the original oral sources of the Iliad or its Homeric writers. We will never know. We don't even know what (if any) culturally accepted conventions of male homosexuality existed in bronze age Greece (we know much more about their descendants). But there are some interesting elements of their characterization in this direction, with how unconventional their relationship is WITHIN the text itself- Patroclus is described as cooking for Achilles and his guests (very specifically a woman/wife's job), Achilles chides Patroclus like a father, but there's also scene where Achilles' mourning of him directly echoes a passage of Hector's wife mourning her husband, Patroclus is explicitly stated to Achilles' elder, and is overall treated as his equal or near-equal, closest confidant and most beloved friend (to the point that pederastic classical Greeks would debate over who was erastes (older authority figure lover) and who was eromenos (adolescent 'beloved')- many took it as a given that this text depicted their present-day cultural norms of homosexual behavior but it existed so Outside of these norms that it had to be debated who was who). Their relationship is non-standard both within the text and to the descendants of the civilization that wrote them.
Basically what I'm saying is this book had opportunities to like, explore the unconventionality of the relationship (being presented here as explicitly lovers), explore the dynamics of why Patroclus wants to do 'women's work' (besides being a tenderhearted softboy), the weird dynamics where they take on paternal roles to each other but also roles of wives, how they feel about being this way, and just kind of Doesn't. Which I guess isn't an intrinsic fault (because it omits much of what I just talked about to begin with). it's just like.... Lame. This book takes jsut abandons everything interesting about the source text in favor of flattening it into bland Doomed Yaoi.
-The conflict that sets off the core story of the Iliad is Achilles and Agamemnon fighting over Briseis, an enslaved Trojan woman taken by Achilles as a war-trophy, Achilles spends most of the story moping because he was dishonored by his 'trophy' being taken. Achilles and Patroclus and everyone else are raping their captives, all the women in the story are either captured Trojans (or in the case of the free women within the walls of Troy, soon to be enslaved, and are slave owners themselves). Slavery as an institution and extreme patriarchal conventions are innate to the text and reflective of the context in which it was developed. You cannot avoid it.
But obviously you can't have your soft yaoi boys doing this, so the author has them capturing women to Protect Them from the other men. Their slaves are UNDER THEIR PROTECTION and VERY SAFE (and they might even Like And Befriend Them but I might be misremembering that. Briseis does though). Our heroes have apparently absorbed none of the ideals of the culture they exist in and the author seems to think "they're gay and aren't sexually attracted to their captives" would translate to them being outright benevolent (also as if wartime sexual violence is just about attraction and not part of a wider spectrum of violent acts to dehumanize and brutalize an accepted 'enemy')
In the source text, Briseis mourns Patroclus as being the kindest to her of her captors, who tried to get her a slightly better outcome by getting her married to Achilles (which probably would be the Least Bad of all possible outcomes for a woman in that situation, becoming a legal wife instead of a slave), and wonders what will happen to her now that he's gone. This is a really really sad, horrible, and compelling dynamic which could be fleshed out in very interesting ways but is instead is tossed entirely aside in favor of them being Besties. Like brother and sister.
All of the above pisses me off so much. If you don't want to engage in the icky parts of ancient/bronze age Greece then don't write a retelling of a story taking place in bronze age Greece. I'm not gonna get mad at children's adaptations of Greek myths or silly fun stories loosely based on them for omitting the rape and slavery but it is SO fundamental to the Iliad. If you're not willing to handle it, either fully omit it or better yet set your Iliad inspired yaoi in an invented swords-and-sandals setting where you can have all your heartbreaking tragic doomed lovers plot beats and not have to clumsily write around the women they're brutalizing.
-The author didn't seem to know what to do with Thetis and she made her just like, Achilles bitch mother who spends most of the story trying to separate our Yaoi Boys (iirc her disguising Achilles as a girl and hiding him on Scyros is made to be more about getting him away from Patroclus than trying to save her son from his prophesied doom in the Trojan War) until she sees how much they loooove each other and I think helps Patroclus' spirit get to the afterlife or something in the end?
-This is more of a personal taste gripe but it has that writing style I loathe where the prose feels less like a story and more like an attempt to string together Deep Beautiful Hard Hitting Poetic Lines that will look great as excerpts on booktok (might predate booktok but same vibe). It's all very Pretty and Haunting and Deep but feels devoid of real substance.
I really like The Iliad and The Odyssey in of themselves. They're fascinating historical texts that give a window into how 8th century BC Greeks told their stories, saw their world, interpreted their ancestors, etc. And genuinely I think these texts have 'good' characters, there's a lot of complexity and humanity to it.
WRT the Iliad- all of the main Achaeans are pretty fascinating, the one singular part where Briseis Gets To Talk and laments her situation is great, Achilles fantasizing that all of the Trojans AND the Achaeans die so he and Patroclus alone can have the glory of conquering Troy (wild), Achilles asking to embrace Patroclus' shade and reaching out for him but it's immaterial (and the shade being sucked back underground with a 'squeak' (the squeak kinda gets me it's disturbing and sad)), Hecuba talking about wanting to tear out Achilles' liver and eat it in a (taboo, exceptioally pointed) expression of rage and grief for his mutilation of her son's corpse, just one tiny line where the enslaved women performing ritual wailing for their dead captors are described as using it as an outlet to 'grieve for their own troubles' is heartrending, etc. A lot of grappling with anger and grief and the inevitability of death, a lot of groundwork laid for characters that could be very interesting when expanded upon in the framework of a conventional novel.
And Song Of Achilles really doesn't do much with all that. I know a lot of my gripes here are kind of just "It's different from the Iliad", I would have thought of it as mostly mediocre and forgettable rather than infuriating if it wasn't a retelling (and I DEFINITELY have strong biases here). But I think the ways in which it is different are less just a product of a retelling (of course there's going to be omissions and differences) and more a complete and utter disinterest in vast majority of its own subject matter, to the book's detriment. I think a retelling has a point when it EXPANDS on the source, or provides a NEW ANGLE to the source. This book doesn't Really do either, it just shaves off the complexity of its source material, renders the characters into a really boring archetype of a gay relationship, and gives very little else. Its content boils down to a middling tragic romance that has been inserted into the hollowed out defleshed skeleton of the Iliad.
Bottom line: I definitely would not be as mad about it if I wasn't familiar with the source material but I think it's fair to expect a retelling to Engage with/expand on its source, and I also think it's weak purely on its own merits. This book was set up to disappoint Me specifically.
#Sorry this turned into a 100000 word essay on The Iliad it can't be helped#I read Circe by the same author and thought it was like.. better? Definitely not great just less aggravating and kind of boring#Just rote 'you heard about this villainous woman from a Greek myth... Here's the REAL story' shit#It did have a few things I thought were good I remember it starting kind of strong and then just going limp for the remaining duration#I think part of it is that in that case she's expanding on a figure that Didn't have a whole lot of characterization in the source so#like. She had to actually Expand The Character#Again Silence of the Girls is the only Greek Mythology Retelling I have like....positive?.leaning positive? feelings towards#I've got BIG issues with it too but it does pretty much the exact opposite of everything I'm mad at SOA for and in some very#compelling ways (it's just that the author seems way more interested in Achilles and Patroclus than The Main Character Briseis#to the point of randomly starting to have Achilles POV interjections (which I thought were Good in of themselves but#really really really really really really really didn't need to be there) and then get kind of lampshaded by Briseis narrating 'I guess I#was trapped in Achilles' story the whole time lol!!!!!!')#It undermines the book on both a thematic level and just like. a construction level like it's real sloppy at times.#Also the Briseis POV sometimes has these like really out of place Author Mouthpiece Moments where she's very obviously#Stating The Point to the audience and it's like yeah we get it. We get it.#Wow in the scene were our mostly silent enslaved protagonist removes the gag from the mouth of a dead sacrificed girl as a#small but significant act of defiance and grieving in a book called 'Silence of the Girls' you inserted an ironic repeat of the line#'silence befits a woman'. in italics even. Thanks for that. I could not possibly have grasped the meaning of this scene if you didn't#spell it out for me like that. Thank you.#Actually hang on the only Greek mythology retelling I have unequivocally positive feelings for are the 'Minotaur Forgiving'#songs on 'This One's For The Dancer And This One's For The Dancer's Bouquet'. Fully love it. Like not just as songs I think it#does function well as a narrative and engages with and expands on the source in really beautiful and creative ways
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gggggrrrraaaah I think it is EXTREMELY important to us, as kendall likers, to remember the dog pound and the subsequent "two dogs" metaphor. like. like. there are TWO dogs. kendall is as much of a dog as roman is. he has just learned that his place in the hierarchy is above the weaker dog but below the handler. I feel like so fucking many people writing roman forget that kendall is also a dog in the metaphor and So many people writing kendall completely disregard the fact that he HAS learned that his place in the hierarchy is ensured by his ability to enact violence. and like. this is such an important aspect of his character. offtopic but have you guys thought about how toxic masculine ideals are intrinsically linked to the capitalistic system and how the only way to ensure your status in the hierarchy is to enact violence on those below you
#sorry for spelling out succession 101 for you here but like it really feels like some people need to read it. sometimes#sorry you can really tell I came across a fic that was. so stupid recently.#anyway I know none of My mutuals have incorrect opinions about fictional right wing billionaires#succession#kendall roy#roman roy
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saw a post last night complaining that the sound of music film and its popularity contribute to the "universalization of the holocaust" and that by depicting an austrian catholic gentile family's opposition to the nazi regime instead of being about jews, it paints some kind of false picture of who the nazis' real targets were. and i'm sorry but that is such a narrow minded, externally motivated reading of the film/musical. and i say this as a jew who broadly agrees that holocaust universalization and the sidelining of "the jewish problem" (as it was known in that era) in film and media is a genuine and pervasive problem. the sound of music...that is really not the right target for your ire, my friend
#sasha speaks#like yeah it is annoying when people spam reblog that gif of georg ripping up the nazi flag right after posting antisemitism#that sucks and i wish it wasn't do prevalent. i also wish antisemitism in general were not so prevalent but yknow.#baby steps or whatever.#but anyway it's not the sound of music's fault that people are using that gif a bunch but misunderstanding nazism#and its specific primary targeting of jews (and romani)#A. i actually don't think it's invalid or bad to show stories about gentiles being threatened by/opposing nazism.#that Was a real thing that happened. the trapp family were in fact real people even if their story is somewhat fictionalized#in the musical#it takes place in 1938. therefore before the holocaust proper had begun#(not that persecution of jews wasn't already a huge thing. the november pogrom was the same year of course.)#but even while racial hatred of jews and romani Was the primary characteristic of nazism and should be recognized and depicted as such#it is not misleading or distracting to also depict the real experience of white gentiles who were threatened by nazism#like. one drop in the bucket. two cakes. whateved#also. and this feels so blatantly obvious to me i shouldnt need to spell it out but.#B. the sound of music was written by two jews in the late 1950s.#it's...it's just not. it's not an example. of a bad faith depiction of wwii/its lead up#sometimes stories are about other things. even when the authors could have made it about more personal subjects to themselves#and the era in which it was created had a very different attitude towards and contrxt for depictions of wwii (& preceding) in media#if you want to get mad at people misinterpreting a musical about the rise of nazism go look on twitter or tiktok for cabaret discourse...#now that's an audience that knows how to miss the gddamn point
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I flip through Moon Rising sometimes and every single time I see mentions of Kinkajou liking Winter, it makes me think if originally she was supposed to end up with him. Kinda like how Tui wanted Clay and Glory to be together when writing TDP. There's a lot of references to Kinkajou particularly finding Winter pretty and "tortured" and whatnot. Makes me think of what would've happened...
#Also because I HATE TURTLE/KINKAJOU#HE'S AROMANTIC#I don't CARE what Tui says *I'm the correct one here*#I need to let my hater instincts out on this ship sometime because. eugh. god I don't like it#Not just cause I'm a aro Turtle truther but also since it's kinda poorly written and haphazardly thrown into the mix#Ew gross love spells bleck get it out#wof#sp-rambles
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i think it should be possible to scream without making any noise or disturbing anyone or inviting any questions . just sometimes . as a treat .
#hhhhHHHGHGHHHHHH#jay screams into the void#(deeply personal rant incoming feel free to ignore)#a friend of mine has just been undiagnosed with bpd which . lovely for them but it sure as fuck invites a Lot of questions#suddenly a great deal of previous shitty behaviour that was excused on the basis of bpd has a lot more to answer for#(obligatory I Know BPD Isn't An Excuse To Treat People Like Shit . im aware . i have bpd myself and i have v high standards re my behaviour)#(however allowances were made bc they were unmedicated & out of therapy through no fault of their own)#(and our whole group has enough experience with untreated mental illness to understand that it can make u a bitch sometimes)#but yeah no there have been a LOT of instances of b&w thinking + manipulation + unfair judgement + high emotion + snap reactions#and every situation Could be explained by untreated bpd and the bad times have never been prolonged or often enough to outweigh the good#but Hoo Boy if that wasn't bpd then what the FUCK was it#like either the new psychiatrist is wrong (possible but i seem to be the only one questioning it) or they're just Like That#and again . not enough to outweigh their numerous positive and loveable traits#but the whole group has been destabilised on a number of occasions due to their actions during a bad spell#and i'm really not sure Any Other Explanation is enough to justify that#ah well . this seems like the kind of thing that will eventually come up during a sleepover heart to heart#but rn i'm stuck in a bubble of MAJOR rsd & brainfuck abt it . which is unfortunate bc now is exactly the time i Don't need brainfuck#anyways ✨ goodnight tumblrinas i am . kind of hoping nobody read this bc i fear i sound like a bitch#i am genuinely happy for their undiagnosis it seems to have put many things into perspective for them & theyre v happy about it#i'm just . uncomfy w some aspects of it that i have only been halfway brave enough to discuss with them personally#That's One To Bring Up With My Therapist In A Few Weeks#Bit Of A Shame I'm No Longer In Therapy And Now Have Only 2 Quarterly Reviews Left Before I'm Discharged From The Service
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gawd damn i need me some hard liquor (apple juice) rn
life got me stressing
#got that urge to want to struggle more than i already do#feeling like dofp charles rn damn#why cant i be a depressed alcoholic drug addict thats still hung up on his divorce 💔#he still had style in that movie damn#thats what i needed from apocalypse#outragous 80s outfits#like i dont fucking care about that blue guy gimme the good music#i need less cgi battle and more good vibes and story#sometimes the superhero movies need to be less about the superheroing and more about the superhero#actually we get that a lot but i dunno if people do it justice#i need a good balance i say#i need to see the old men fighting and then the next scene they’re aggressively making put#i type really fast when typing tags so i dont even realize all my spelling mistakes#hrmm anyway gonna try and get my brain out of this depressive haze#charles xavier#x men#cherik#professor x#erik lehnsherr#apple juice
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I cast the spell: ✨️HAVE A GOOD DAY!✨️
Within the next 7 days (the specific day is one of your own choosing) you WILL have a good day where something nice will happen and you WILL know you're amazing.
Have a nice day! :-)
needed this so bad today thank you....I'm on my last day of my contract and racing for my deadline and trying not to scream
#I don't have another contract lined up because of the dry spell in the industry but tbh i'm not too mad about it#1 because the writers strike needed to happen. power to the people#2 because holy fuck i need a break. holy fucking saurus as my good friend kenzan would say#sometimes I forget that I'm still a junior in the world of professional storyboarding#and i still have a ways to go before I figure out how to make a board that has 1400 panels and not want to kill myself#thank god for ei so I won't be totally out of income. yes it's only a fraction of my usual income but I at least can pay rent#and use savings to buy food#yes i need money but money doesn't do you much good if you die of a stress ulcer at 30 or kill yourself#anyways#anon#ask
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actually making my tags from my last post into their own post. writers who struggle with grammar, spelling, typos, errors etc i love you. writers who struggle with rereading their stuff thoroughly no matter how much they try, who don't always have access to other people to help them read i love you. whilst reading through and checking for these things is good practice i really believe that the weight of it should not be put wholly on the writer's shoulders. especially writers who are neurodivergent, disabled, have any condition that can impede their reading + comprehension, are overworked and overtired, are not writing in their native language, list goes on....because grammar mistakes/language mistakes/typos have nothing to do with your abilities as a creative. this is where editors should be uplifting writers, helping them, not scrutinising them for something they cannot always control
#and in case anyone is going to say it...like i said in my tags i get that it can be frustrating#if it feels like a piece has NOT been reread or checked for these things at all#but even then its like...do you know the writers context? their background?#does the story itself still hold up strong creatively?#im just saying some leniency and grace goes far and esp in the short story/litmag scene i think#an editor who is considerate and inclusive should not use those things against a piece's worth#for me its like....1) the word spelling and grammar check is really confusing to work with sometimes#and also just. straight up does not work sometimes#and 2) no matter how much i reread and check for spelling and grammar i will forget a word. i will misuse a word. i will forget things#a bitch is forgetful! a bitch struggles with rereading their pieces and i do what i can to help that#but i need help and grace from the editors who wish to work with me!#i remember one time i wrote vacancy as vanacy in an excerpt in a writing update#literally passed me by and i was so humiliated?? nobody even pointed it out#but i assumed people were going to think of me less that i would make a simple mistake#its just...v hard and daunting being open with your writing sometimes lol lets all be kind to each other
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Me: So, I have these dizzy spells that take me when I am walking and I almost fall bc of them. I also have trouble standing for any period of time because of my poor balance, which is made worse by the above mentioned dizzy spells.
My doctor: have you considered sitting down when this happens?
Me: Gee, thank you Sherlock! I really never thought that sitting down could solve my problem with standing up. But did you hear the part where I told you I kind of like walking and the point is for me to still be able to go out of the house for more than 1 hour at a time?
#i am deeply grateful for the medical support i have#but doctors can be dumb as fuck sometimes!#granted this was not my specialist for pain and weird stuff but still#he studied the samd basics of medicine and should be able to connect the dots#i am aware a cane or other mobility aid can cause other issues#but it’s also for specific situations i’d need one so it’s not the end of the world#i just want to be able to visit a city without relying on an unknown benches situation and falling over bc of a dizzy spell#but noooo#we don’t want young people to rely on canes bc they could become dependent!#fuck them#i just want to be able to live by myself if only a little bit!#so fucking listen to me and propose relevant solutions!#the doc proposed carrying around one of those small stools fishers use#but have you considered i don’t have the time to pull that thing out unfold it and sit when i am dizzy?#rant#personal post#heds#hypermobile ehlers danlos#actually disabled
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coworker butted into a conversation one day MONTHS AGO where I was telling someone else "yeah, one of my friend groups in high school were all really mean to each other, because we were all repressed queer teens in catholic high school, we were all biting each others' heads off" <- they missed all of the actual conversation so that they could say "I never had the energy to be mean, but okay." whenever me and my other coworker were talking.
Cut to today. They are talking to me about the environment at another store. They then say out of left field "Oh, it's like that thing where you... Oh. Well. I guess you were the one who was the bully growing up, right?"
Readers. Besties.
The way I stared at them for a solid minute of confusion before finally, awkwardly saying "... I was bullied growing up for being autistic and queer...?" because like. I'm. What??? How the fuck am I supposed to respond to that??? How does one respond to that??? (Also. The fact that I needed my partner to look at me and go 'they said you were a high school bully to be mean to you Ryker'. Sometimes you cannot take the autism out of the boy even a little even if you try really hard.)
#don't get me wrong. I already felt a certain way about it. but I do need it spelled out when someone's being mean to ME sometimes#I should've laughed and told them that I had DYKE written across my locker in early high school </3#and that kids in middle school would frequently corner me to ask if I was gay/bi#among. everything else.#I was everyone's friend until they got sick of me or finally revealed they secretly hated me the whole time :^)#screaming. yelling. catholic high school bully Ryker
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Because I am lazy with reinventing stuff I have been looking at some fallen angels (mostly Watchers because there is a list) and it's so funny to me that there is/was an angel around to "Cure the stupidity of men" Like thanks I need no more
also there was one guy which bascially was a constellation myth for Orion and he and Azazel(/Lucifer/Satan/whoever pointed Eve to the apple) were punished by hanging out between Heaven and Earth...forever or a long time but that got me to think...this would mean that (insert name of whoever tempted Eve in YOUR specific texts) is also a constellation, and if it's Lucifer it'd be the Morning Star which from what I remember either refers to Venus OR the brightest Star in the Sky aka Sirius aka part of Canis Major aka the constellation right next to Orion Fallen Angel shenanigans in the Sky? it's more likely than you think
also smth smth them being turned into Constellations and humanity using Fallen Angels, aka the givers of forbidden knowledge (you know..like reading and stuff) to navigate smth smth
#txts#look i know this is an overall...mix of many canons#not all bible#but i always associate that stuff with the bible bc thats my first introduction i got to this kinda God and his cohort#its still part of christianity and judaism afaik#but i think it was part of different books#.....i think even B.C but i also think some stuff referred to Jesus#but that might have just been Abaddon whose canon goes beyond a name and title#good for them#or them as a place#or them as dirt digger#or them as witness of jesus rebirth#i'll stop there#i enjoyed digging through greek myths as a kid#this tbh brings the same stuff out again#bc you can just see the connections people have made#and how they explained the world and happenings around them#by making up a lot of funky little guys#and telling stories to teach societal conventions#or sometimes just to make smth cool up (also good)(maybe not for historians but hey)#so anyhow i am absolutely imaging Samyaza(insert 20different ways to spell his name here) getting plopped up there#and Az/luci/satan/whomever at this point just going 'First Time?'#as they both just have to hang out around there#does it make sense? not rly#but neither does texts describing Azazel as someone distinct from Lucifer#or him as both a place AND a fallen angel#and sometimes the same one as Samael#bc these texts are fucking old and from various places and cultures and ever shifting depending on what was needed#so in this one canon(my headcanon)...this exists now
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You want to know what I think about almost everyday? How different Natsu and fairy tail as a show would be if Natsu was a girl
Cause like think about. The world of fairy tail (like many anime worlds) is pretty sexist and shitty towards women. Almost every man in the show is a weirdo in one way or another. The world also has high expectations for women and how they should be/look. Sexualizing them at every given moment
Now imagine this little girl coming in to this world who never had to deal with the things like gender/sex (We don't know much about dragon culture but there seems little to no distinction between male and female dragons or differences in society ranking based on gender) now having these weird expectations put on her to act a certain way.
We rarely see any women who even have a similar personality to Natsu but Natsu is cocky and constantly challenging people. Could you imagine a girl trying to that in a world like fairy tail? Like we see other women like Erza do stuff like that but the thing is she has the power to back it up. Season 1/pre show Natsu doesn't, she gets beat by her stronger guildmates all the time. The world is already cruel to the women in it so could you picture how it would be to a women who tries to challenge more powerful opponents and then keeps losing over and over. The men who'd beat in her in combat would probably draw it out just to humiliate and embarrass her and then say stuff like "weak little girl needs to know her place." Or not even acknowledge her like "I'm not fighting a girl" And she would be just so confused cause like why are these people shaming her for her gender? Why don't they respect her like they do other men they beat? Why is she being targeted for something she can't control?
I feel like this would make her much more aggressive/angry than Natsu already is. She would be really violent when she fought, putting everything in every attack just in hopes of winning and being respected like her fellow guildmates/wizard. Over the years she builds a reputation of being brutal and violent in her fights. We don't see many female characters that have a fighting style like Natsu (besides mira and a few others) so it'd be a shock. Many would tell her she needs to tone it down and that she needs to be more elegant when she fights. But she doesn't want to fight like that. She wants to fight like how she was taught. She sees how people who fight like that don't get nearly as much respect as their male counterparts. And She'd do anything for her to be respected, to be praised for someone to see her as strong and capable like Igneel did.
#this doesn't even get in how it would this would change her relationships with her friends and guildmates#i think about this like a lot it's unreal#actually my roman empire#i wrote this instead of sleeping#i literally couldn't sleep i needed to write this#lucy if called a tomboy for sometime raising her voice and sticking up for herself... female Natsu would not stand a chance bro#this is kinda dumb but i can't stop thinking about it#believe of not this is barely a quarter of the stuff i think about when it comes to genderbent Natsu#fairy tail anime#fairy tail natsu#fairy tail#natsu dragneel#natsu#genderbend#i did not check for spelling#dumb ramblings#yall can ignore this#cleaning out my drafts
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I love how my unintentional excuse as to why Alestair and Idan never have to go to work is because they ran away and basically quit without notice.
#this has always been a part of the story though as the first ever thing I wrote with Alestair involved what happened#but Idan stops working there because of that#Mara's job pays a LOT and is hire based so she can do whatever#Vilissa is like the only character that has to regularly work LMAO#but also Vi wouldn't let Alestair get a job when they were dating#as for Fae she's a sex worker so she does it whenever#Fritz and Jer are employed but they don't even get heavily involved in helping until Love and that is explained away (thanks Vi)#as for other stoires#the children in Sunshine are too young to work#the parents do work and leave regularly but aren't really heavily involved#and the adults just take care of themselves with the stuff they have or work if they want (like Norie)#there is no currently running school in the castle (but there used to be)#Barle is a con artist so he would sell junk he fixed up but after getting kidnapped by Shika he doesn't really worry about that anymore#Shika and Fria have disposable income as they are just looking for Barle (Shika the princess and Fria a royal bodyguard)#and Charlie is a bounty hunter so he has freelance (and later a courier)#Flick and Millie are child and Nick is jobless and he's a bird currently so he just needs to eat a little#Ebers is a fortune teller so she does that whenever#also since Millie doesn't care about school she skips out after Flick shows up#And Flick is basically kidnapped so she doesn't got to school as she can't even go there#Seth is homeless and gets things out of making deals with others which he sometimes sell expensive items to get money#Lia and Giles leave behind their lives to adventure but were previously self employed (small businesses)#Myrtle is a Princess so she has that responsibility and disposable income#Sylas is a hunter but there isn't really any work to be done if most of the kingdom is under a sleeping spell#Nym uses the stuff that Elysa left behind in death but he was a Farmer back home not that he can get back home#Pokey runs the train station and the venue but he also isn't getting a lot of business from the inner kingdom#that's just the main stories lolll#every story has some kinda excuse about not working while the story happens
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