#and also to be on the verge of remembering something that seems incredibly important

[ampersand-ghoul]

As someone who's survived PTSD and has DID, I really see a lot of very similar traits in Sunny that I see in myself and I actually hc Omori himself as protector/gatekeeper alter and Something as a persecutor.

[impish-ivy]

Something I think I’ve only seen someone mention maybe once or twice how Solomon is handling being in the past.

He is incredibly close to Simeon, Asmo, Luke none of which remember him. And the only one who does, Barbatos, hates him.

Solomon, Simeon and Luke are very close, spending their time in the devildom living together. It’s obvious being forgotten by them would hurt, even if he doesn’t acknowledged it. Even now, as Simeon doesn’t remember him he’s trusting him with a big secret—one even at the start of the second season we don’t know.

The nature of Solomon and Asmo’s relationship is up to you, lovers, friends with benefits, or really good friends. Regardless of what you think, they’re very close and their relationship is obviously very important to Solomon. Solomon has previously never mentioned why or how he made a pact with Asmo but he’s mentioned it twice now. Clearly he’s thinking about his relationship and history with Asmo. It’s something he’s been thinking of and he misses his close relationship with Asmo. It’s why even after mentioning how potentially dangerous it could be forging a pact with Asmo right now, he still does it. He misses having that connection with Asmo.

And Barbatos, oooooh Barbatos.

These two have a long history, how far back we’re not sure but it’s fairly reasonable to think it was before he was immortal. Solomon summoned him on the verge of death, and then Barbatos nurses him back to health. Barbatos also gives him his title of Witty Sorcerer, one he’s very proud of. They were close even before Barbatos became Diavolo’s butler and seem to have a father-son like relationship, or at the very least a familiar relationship. Barbatos speaks very highly of him in the OG, saying he trusts him completely and speaks proudly of his intelligence. Which struck me as odd at first because he’s never been the type to speak so openly about his feelings or Solomon. He even goes on to talk about how they met to amplify how highly he thinks of him. Barbatos trusts Solomon wholeheartedly and completely, the fact he hates him so much in NB most definitely hurts Solomon a lot.

The worst is he doesn’t even know why. What did past him do to make someone who loved and trusted him so much hate him? Whatever is was, it was something he never did.

So you can imagine how upsetting that is that someone you love and care about all of a sudden hates you for some unknown reason and you have no idea what happened—you didn’t even do it.

Fortunately it seems that Barbatos is warming back up to him, he (in a roundabout way) expresses concern for both Solomon’s mental and physical wellbeing after sending MC to help the brothers while hungover.

(Lesson 18-A)

I know the main story won’t ever address the emotional implications of their main gag but it would still be nice to see how the people he’s closest forgotten (or hating in Barbatos’s case) him affects Solomon.

But he has 13 still and while on the surface their relationship seems troubled, it’s obvious she cares about him. And Im sure it brings him great relief that even thrown years in the past and probably an alternate reality she and him have the same relationship. One where he can take refuge in her home and she’ll complain and demand he leave but never actually push him to.

[theflyindutchwoman]

I am responsible for a life that is in jeopardy, and I will do whatever I have to to save her, do you understand?

| ANATOMY OF A SCENE - CHENFORD EDITION 2.11 - Day of Death

The juxtaposition of these two scenes - Lucy being buried alive and Tim going feral - is so powerful and haunting… They might not be together physically in those moments, but you can still feel how their own actions are being driven, fueled even, by the other. Lucy is trying to hold onto his training and her faith in him, knowing instinctively that he will do whatever it takes to find her.. And Tim is ready to burn down the city in his search for her, spiralling… But you can also see how the other's absence is starting to impact their spirit as well. They're both trying to remain as calm as possible, but there's no one to ground them...

That image of the dead tree looming over the grave site gives such an eerie and disturbing atmosphere to the scene… And so is the visual of Lucy, looking all bruised and battered. She's clearly terrified, wounded, probably still feeling woozy… But most of all, she's being defiant. She doesn't scream, she doesn't cry, she doesn't beg… She refuses to give Caleb that satisfaction, to play his mind games. And in return, she even manages to turn the tables on him, getting under his skin… and forcing him to alter his plans. That might seem inconsequential in that moment but, in the end, that's what saves her : without all her efforts, the team would have been too late. She bought them and herself some time. And that's why Tim repeatedly makes sure to remind her that she saved herself. Nyla was absolutely right in her assessment : Lucy is a fighter. She's pushing through her fear and relying so much on psychology and on her training. The way she manages to compartmentalise is so incredible. Her strength is unreal… She's remembering what Tim taught her, focusing on the procedure to calm herself down. She throws her ring as a breadcrumb for him : he once told her that the most important thing she needed was her eyes, her cop eyes. So she leaves something behind for him to find, because that's something else he taught her : she's never alone. The faith she has in him… And even her last words to Caleb are pure defiance… And true. But seeing her in that barrel is so distressing. That last shot of her trying to regulate her breathing, to stay calm and not panic is so poignant… She's on the verge of breaking down and it's so heartbreaking...

And she's not the only one : Tim is also close to reaching his breaking point, but in a very different way. He's going in a downward spiral, unravelling, with no one there to reign him in… Lucy is usually the one who can get through to him. And in some ways, this is so reminiscent of the old Tim, the one we met. Only, back then, he was punching walls or lashing out at detectives when Isabel got shot… here he is being almost unnervingly calm when he threatens that man. He has finally a target to vent his anger and frustrations to. He doesn't yell. He's not reacting, he's being very deliberate. And that it is more terrifying. He is absolutely ready to cross a line for Lucy. Remember when she told him that he was always on the right side of the law? That was when he considered for a brief moment breaking the law for his wife, before changing his mind. But now? He will do whatever is necessary to get Lucy back alive. Right or wrong. Jackson is so shocked in the background : this is a side of Tim he has never seen before. Angry? Yes. But this cold anger? No. That's the thing : Tim's reaction here is far more similar to the one he had when his wife was in danger than when his best friend got kidnapped by a cartel… Not to mention that this scene is also quite close in tone to the ones where Wesley was threatening carter members for Angela or making a deal with Elijah. Both men were ready to do whatever it took to save the women they love… Except that only one of them was married. Guilt might be a powerful motivator, but this isn't the only emotion fueling Tim here. Love was a part of it, romantic or not. He just didn't realise it yet. And it kind of makes you wonder how he would react now that they're together...

Lastly : the way both Melissa and Eric conveyed all those emotions is nothing short of brilliant. Those images of Lucy in the barrel and Tim threatening to pull that guy inside out are some of the most memorable ones from the show and they did a phenomenal job in their portrayal, the micro-expressions and the voice… They elevated the material so beautifully.

[sushis-brainrot]

I know you are Danish, but as a Dane what do you think of Valhalla as a game? (I’ve always wondered what a local person would think of a representation of their country history). How does it feel seeing your history and potential ancestors on there?

Oh, I could write a novel on this. 😅

Even if Eivor hails from Norway, most Vikings who conquered, settled and raided in England - came from Denmark. A fact you'll oddly enough find most Danes proud of. Nonetheless, AC Valhalla has a super interesting take on it and still manages to apply real historical context - despite the game being fictional. With most Danes being able to track their ancestry back to Odin, and taking pride in their Viking heritage, AC Valhalla had a challenge ahead of them. But I genuinely feel like they've written us a beautiful love letter while staying true to the franchise.

Having grown up with Norse Mythology, though, and having had an insatiable interest in it since my first encounters with it as a child, that is what truly piques my interest. Norse Mythology is such an incredibly fun and human experience. A story and a world that translates well into a setting such as AC Valhalla. And not only because of the historical context.

The representation of mythological characters, the gods (æsir and vanir alike), the jötnar and dwarves are, in my opinion, fantastic.

Odin's arrogance, his hunger for power and knowledge, with just a touch of something playful.

Loki's mischievous nature, his cunning and intelligence - how he seems to believe the impossible to be improbable, and like a riddle to be solved.

Frigg's motherly determination.

Freyja's smarts and passion - how they remember that she's not only a goddess of love but also a goddess of war.

Each god has different qualities, weaknesses, and attributes. In Norse Mythology, an important characteristic is how the gods exhibit a plethora of human traits, behaving much like humans with emotions and interpersonal conflicts. The gods were meant to serve as role models, showing humans how to live and which rules to follow – and which ones could be broken. The existence of the gods was just as fraught with problems as that of humans, and their primary task was to ensure that chaos did not erupt. They're meant to be relatable - human - in their person and behaviour. And this is something I feel AC Valhalla shows and explores well.

The narrative of AC Valhalla doesn't shy away from presenting Odin's choices in a morally ambiguous light. The impact of Odin's decisions on the world around him, including the relationships with other Isu (Loki especially) and the well-being of Ásgarðr, serves as a reminder of the intricate web of cause and effect. While Odin's decisions, driven by a mix of self-preservation and concern for his people (or family), blur the lines between right and wrong. The game invites players to question the morality of Odin's choices, fostering a deeper engagement with and understanding of his character. Even as an Isu, a God, even as he believes himself infallible: Odin is human. He's flawed.

And it reflects in Eivor. She's confident in herself, and in her abilities, sometimes verging on arrogant. But through her discoveries and development throughout the game, she's humbled and realises what is truly important to her, which eventually leads to her rejection of Odin. Her whole experience and journey are so authentically human. Her emotions, her experiences, and her relationship with Odin. Finding herself, despite what whispers in her ear, and realising what holds her heart.

But this is something I feel the AC franchise does well: they tell stories that are unique to the human experience. Something that harmonizes well with the themes of Norse Mythology.

I feel they've done an amazing job with AC Valhalla. I genuinely love the game, I keep coming back to it; thinking about it. With AC Valhalla they've crafted a captivating and immersive experience that seamlessly blends the storytelling of Norse Mythology, Viking Culture, and the fictional aspects of Assassin's Creed, while beautifully conveying the complicated message of the human experience.

That's it.... I apologize for getting carried away 😅

What was the question again? 🤣

[crisiscutie]

Have you watched the new FF7 trailer? Let us know your toughts! XD

My current questions are these:

1. During flashback where Sephiroth slashed Tifa off, he said that she's dead and "...so who is she"? I don't remember the OG much, but does he speaks the truth? Or maybe he's merely gaslighting Cloud to hand over black materia?

2. What do you think Ever Crisis is about? Will we finally able to play as Sephiroth? I have a bad feeling of it being developed for mobile phone...

3. Anything else you notice?

Hello, anon! Yes, I've seen the trailer for Rebirth and Ever Crisis, so let's hop right into C.C's analysis/ramble. Unedited and Unhinged. Disclaimer: These are just my opinions, of course.

༻❁༺ Tifa DIES!?

I don't think so... the Crisis Cutie is definitely messing with Cloud here. And he's messing with US. Sephiroth is aware of our existence. Yes, I mean "Us" and "Our". The 7R Universe is basically a self-aware AU, heh heh. He is determined to change fate, and he is doing whatever he can to make sure he wins, by manipulating us and Cloud into his plans.

I think the Whispers would've ensured Tifa's survival, as she is an important character in the FF7/7R universe. It's possible they revived her by the time Zack arrived to confront Sephiroth. I've always wondered how Tifa AND Cloud survived their gruesome injuries from Sephiroth, but The Whispers existing in the canon now make their survival logical (in my opinion)

And don't forget that 7R Sephy knows what happened in OG FF7, so it would make sense he would begin his new plan of sowing seeds of distrust between Cloud and Tifa. Remember that Tifa is also the one who repaired Cloud's mind, taking him right out of Sephiroth's clutches at the last moments. So it seemed logical that our trolling Sephy would want to carry out his threat, eventually. Sephiroth underestimated Tifa AND her connection to Cloud in the OG game, so he is definitely taking her more seriously this time around. Poor girl occupied a spot on Sephy's special hitlist...

One of my biggest questions I had in Remake is that I wondered why 7R Sephy didn't immediately off both Aerith and Tifa and beeline for the black materia considering his future knowledge, but I realized the existence of the Whispers prevents that: They're holding him back. So both Sephy and Jenova are planning around them to make their plans come to fruition. I still think the whole "Tifa dying" is an obvious red-herring, for now. Nothing says it can't happen in the next 7R game...

༻❁༺ What's up with the Miracle Cutie?

What I find the most suspicious is how quiet the trailer was regarding Aerith. I find it interesting how Tifa worryingly confided in Aerith about Cloud's absence from Nibelheim in the recent years... Aerith sounded worried herself about it. Her tone of voice gave it away. Like Sephiroth, she also has knowledge of OG FF7's events. She knows Tifa is the key to repairing Cloud. I also think this denial keeps the Whispers away and so Aerith's own plans won't be disrupted. The Whispers aren't just around to keep our Sephy snake in line; you know.

And while it was incredibly subtle, Remake was building up something between Aerith and Sephiroth... Guys, believe me when I say something is going to happen incredibly differently when Aerith "dies'. My theory is that her death will be delayed, due to Zack intercepting the party in some way. I also think instead of Sephiroth "killing" her the traditional way, I think he will corrupt her with Jenova's essence....

Aerith is Cetra and Human. Her Cetra DNA will surely try to expel the Jenova essence, yet her human DNA will surely be overwhelmed by it. So either Aerith will spontaneously combust (unlikely) or become a massive freak of nature (most likely), begging Cloud and the party to put her down. It can do so many wonders for Sephiroth's plan: Aerith is gone, Cloud is on the verge of breaking or WILL BREAK from being forced to kill a loved one or to see her be killed. And it's deliciously cruel, because Sephiroth can drink in the party's despair. And for a meta reason, this might happen: it'd be a bigger player punch for those who played the original and for newcomers to the series...

If Aerith doesn't die at the right moment, then I think the Whispers would end up working with Sephiroth to make it happen. Or maybe they will demand someone equally important to die in her place, thus making a trade of fate? It all depends on how the rules of FF7's time and space works. Maybe Ramuh will explain it to the party? Again, these are all just my opinions and speculations.

༻❁༺ The Ever Cutie

Ever Crisis seems cool, but the fact it's a mobile and gacha game is a huge turnoff for me. I will stick to Twitter, YT and the FF wiki for my daily dose of new Sephy lore, thank you very much. As I once said before, Sephy and the first class boyos are deserving of their own full-blown title. After so much resistance from the devs of not letting Sephiroth be playable, he finally is! ...In a gacha mobile game, sigh...

Anyway, it sounds like Ever Crisis will take us through several time periods of the FF7 multiverse. So it's at least semi-canon...

If what I read on twitter is correct, then it also seems the First Soldier will be retconned to be intertwined with Young Sephy's storyline, as it should be. Not sure what SE was thinking when releasing the First Soldier in the first place, it had so many lore inconsistencies...

And it seems like Sephiroth is getting a new friendo(?) to add to his small social circle.

It looks like we aren't getting anymore or little news for Rebirth now on, as Nomura said EC is meant to hold us over, so I hope those who play EC will enjoy it.

༻❁༺ What else did C.C notice?

I admit, I love Sephiroth's quote about Jenova.

"They say she’s a monster. That she can peer inside you, into the very depths of your soul. That she can become those you hate. Those you fear… Those you love.”

...because it's a big theme I'm trying to convey with the darling and Jenova in HoS.

Also, I do not take this as a quote of Sephiroth trying to warn Cloud. I think he's doing the opposite: he's rubbing it in! Going back to my point of him sowing the seeds of distrust between Cloud and Tifa, Sephiroth may even do it for Cloud and the whole party! I do not believe the common theory of a heroic Sephiroth being present. If Sephiroth ever changes his ways and joins the good side, it's something he will have to strive for and work towards in the storyline, I presume.

For a final thought, the trailer showed no mention or even a hint of Vincent, but unlike Aerith, I do believe this is more so than the fact he doesn't appear until later on. This is a random gut feeling, but maybe Vincent will have a major role this time? He could potentially aid in Sephiroth's redemption and go against fate, by convincing Lucrecia to leave her cave.. Lucrecia, for sure, will make an appearance. She is far too important to cut out.

I am very excited for Rebirth about the interesting and new things to bring. But also quite concerned... With all these mysteries and new story developments, Nomura and the writers may bite off more than they can chew...

[44image]

what do they think of you? (significant other)

pick a number 1-4 take what resonates and leave what doesn’t :)

pile 1 ⋆⑅˚₊

2222 ✦ 2555

« lyrics here »

for some i see you guys broken ties with your s/o or are about to like on the verge, and for some this could be a new connection that started too quick and might be ending sooner because of conflict.

if you have broken up or ended the relationship for any reason, i feel like your s/o just needed space and wanted to make things work and give you everything they could but, for any reason, couldn’t. they see this relationship between you guys as a right person at the wrong time, and they wish they mentally and financially better, but unfortunately they think they aren’t enough for you; they can’t keep up.  

for the people who recently met your s/o or think you met the one, I feel like this is a cycle and persona they put on for whoever they got into a relationship with. this s/o might buy you things, spoil you in the beginning, and give you the reassurance that you're the only one in their world, but i feel like they have said this thing in the past to other people. they might be from a well-off family and treat you like royalty, and that sounds like a dream all together, but i feel like once the relationship goes on you’ll end up getting hurt and be in a bad situation with them, and they’ll finally show their true colors once you break up or during the relationship.

messages for pile one .. with chemistry, you guys have an insane amount of love for each other, but with new love, there’s someone who will be better, ultimately suit you and treat you better especially if this current s/o is confusing and draining and this new love might end you up with an engagement ring. this new love could make you happy and you feel enjoyment with being with this new person. things always come to light they might’ve done something and I feel like this is more directed to the people who recently met their s/o, and you need to put boundaries when your s/o becomes too controlling and have to know when someone is using you. it’s also always good to talk to friends you trust to get advice on situations you’re going through.

pile 2 ➳♡

1212 ✦ 4343

« lyrics here »

they honestly think as you are an angel from heaven as corny it might seem but really they are in love with you !!!

they honestly feel so lucky to be with you and have you as their partner; you make them super happy, as if they hit the jackpot with you. before you, they might’ve been full of problems & issues that they weren’t confident facing alone, but with you, you gave them the ability to be carefree and stable. with the fool here, they honestly could’ve been in a toxic relationship or an unstable environment that limited them from doing things that they could’ve never done without meeting you and having you. you’re their strength, and hopefully you feel the same about this person because they were filled with insecurities and doubts that they don’t deserve happiness and a healthy relationship, but with you they honestly feel incredibly lucky. you guys might have had problems here and there, but that’s totally normal. what’s important is that you guys can overcome any obstacles that come into your lives together. 

messages for pile 2 .. they have let go of their worries and instead focused on loving you. they at times feel like they aren’t enough and worry about love bombing you but they honestly just want to show you how much they love you but don’t know how to express it well, and like i was saying, once they met you, they finally got a new beginning and progressed in a healthy way with their environment and healing their issues. heart to heart conversations are always best to discuss your feelings and concerns. always remember to love yourself first; this goes for both.

pile 3 ➳❥

777 ✦ 662

« lyrics here »

they feel conflicted about this relationship / situation ship and i say situation ship because i feel like either you guys haven’t talked in a romantic way or it could just be a crush and for the other group it can be a relationship. this relationship is more like a yin and yang with all these cards like the empress and queen of pentacles the feminine side might feel unsure or not sure where this is heading this feminine energy can be you or the other person does not matter. they aren’t sure what you will do or how this relationship is going to end up like. a lot of undecided thoughts that they need time figuring out for. you can wait for them but you never know when they’ll be ready. if you do decide to wait good things will be the outcome and even if you don’t wait and move on that’s fine as well, both of your decisions will make you happy and your happiness comes first. they honestly have this habit of being unprepared for relationships but with you it’s different they want to try but need to learn from you or just overall how to keep a relationship sustainable. my overall advice is that if waiting and being patient with them makes you happy go for it and if this relationship isn’t working at all you always have the choice to leave. but something about being patient and understanding towards them feels like a great thing:)

messages for pile 3 .. ah wow this pile is like a perfect half and half. wow so like i was saying in the reading if this situation isn’t the best and ideal for you to not wait on this person keep an open mind about this and try to keep this as stress free, your s/o can be different from your ideal expectations and that’s okay because you have control over your life, nobody can stop you from any decision, and with this situation ship / relationship over you’ll easily find some to meet and start getting back to normal activities, keep a positive mindset & manifest gratitude you have all eyes on you. for the other group that are willingly being patient i see this will make you so happy this is why i had a feeling before even asking for messages from spirit, that being understanding of your s/o will pay off because not once but twice is the soulmate card here, this pile honestly blew my mind this is the first time I get clear understanding of what is displayed out here. union, eternal love and married is here, this person may just be the one, sure it might not feel like it this right moment if you’re just starting but like i said understanding and being patient is always the best when you’re in a relationship.

pile 4 ✽・ﾟ＋

888 ✦ 1122

« lyrics here »

they want to give you everything and make sure you’re not missing anything or going through a rough patch. im not sure if what they are doing to help you financially is the best but they will do anything to see you happy and make you make ends meet. i see you either met this person when you were going through a difficult situation and seeing you like this made this person’s mission to make you happier and stronger. seeing you like this was emotional and hard for them they just want the best for you. they get emotional too because their financial situation wasn’t the best either to sustain themselves but i see they got an offer and opportunity and chased it for you and them, they want to start a family with you and overall care for you. this is so sweet you guys :(( they also are probably also looking for offers to help you out because I feel like you might be stubborn and want to help out which is fine !! you also don’t want to burden them with all the leverage. they feel so much for you they love you so much you are so precious to them and they hold you dear in their heart, this relationship could have its up and downs but you guys are so mature that any obstacles are always easy to overcome.

messages for pile 4 .. learn from the past & live in the moment, with this s/o treating you way better imagine how those past relationships and experiences have shaped you into the person you are today, forget and move on from these experiences they happened for a lesson and focus on the future not the past. transform your life & listening to ego, like i said focus on the future with your s/o and your life will be transformed into a higher place than you were without this person. don’t stay in your head and overthink about this relationship it seems genuine this time, don’t ruin it for yourself or your relationship.

i hope this somewhat resonates with whatever doubts you had and remember take whatever goes and leave what doesn’t! stay safe <3

[fancygremlin]

Small update on my progress: the next episode for me is Part 35 “The Deal” and although I don’t know what’s going to happen, the title suggests there might be a big reveal maybe? So, I thought I could expand on my predictions for the rest of season four before getting on with it!

As I previously mentioned, I’m pretty sure John knows a lot more about Kayne than he lets on. This was particularly evident in the season three finale (where we get a taste of how excruciating it was for John to drag Arthur’s lifeless body to safety after their encounter with Kellin). The interaction between John and Kayne was… interesting.

My theory is that John has made a deal with Kayne already... and it might be something to do with ensuring he gets a body at the end of all this. I also believe that John’s resistance to go back to Arkham after they survived all that transpired in season three might be somehow connected to his deal. Him vaguely asking Arthur if it’s immoral to lie to someone to protect them wasn’t exactly subtle. Based on nothing but gut instincts, I think that there is something waiting for them back in Arkham (perhaps a ritual or something similar) that will conclude John’s deal. There might be a small chance that Arthur finding all of this out is what will be the thing that will fracture their relationship?

Anyways, we can assume that, striking a deal with Kayne involves paying a price. I speculate that he is an entity not too dissimilar to genies where he is able to bend reality to grant wishes, but there is always fine print that exploits the victim. We saw exactly how good Kayne is at twisting the deals to his advantage (actually, entertainment seems a more apt word) when Arthur pleaded him to get John back.

It is important to remember that at this point in time of the podcast, Arthur is on the verge of dying, he is alone, scared and desperate. He is incredibly vulnerable. He is desperate to get John because he is convinced that this entity is the only one that tolerates him and cares about him and can actually understand and support him no matter the circumstances. He has no ties with anyone else. Everyone despises him, rejected him or betrayed him. His own self loathing (and the way his past mistakes haunt him) convinced him that he has ruined every relationship he ever formed in the past and he is irredeemable. In Arthur’s mind it’s quite literally just him and John against the world at this point.

Arthur did not realise that what when he was asking for John, he was actually pleading for a shred of comfort, a familiar face, a presence that he felt safe with as he hit rock bottom. Kayne knew this, but he played into the vagueness of the request to screw Arthur over even more. Of course Arthur spirals when he realises that what Kayne granted him is not what he needed or wanted. He can’t find comfort in Yellow like he hoped he could, because Yellow is someone that does not feel familiar, safe or comforting (everything Arthur needed so desperately). Yellow is just another uncertainty, another possible danger.

This tangent was to simply say that Kayne is incredibly good at granting wishes in ways that in text do adhere to what was requested, but ultimately are twisted enough to cause more damage than good to the person who strikes a deal with him.

So what did John ask for? And what price did he have to pay?

I can only speculate, but since a central theme with John’s character is about becoming your own person/ forming your own personality, I believe that he wishes for freedom. We know from season one that he hates living in the Dark World, to the point he fears being sent back there. I think that he never liked being the King in Yellow and was desperate to start anew somehow.

I think that the price he needed to pay were his memories. I also believe that the fact that John’s memory problems are flaring up right now (after Kayne brought Arthur back to life in the mines of Addison) is not a coincidence.

John’s memories have been really spotty from the very first episode of season one. It is strange that he has very scattered and incredibly limited knowledge in a bunch of things that seem almost random. It is strange that he has no idea what those symbols on the back of the book he was bound to mean, and it is strange that it felt like he had never interacted with the Trader while him and Arthur were in the Dreamlands' woods. Sometimes he knows things that makes sense he would know (e.g. how to banish the wraith in season one), while other times he feels familiarity with things that should be brand new to him (e.g. the song “You call it madness, I call it love”, which is a song that I don’t think was released in the Dark World as well).

All this evidence leads me to believe that John has struck many many deals with Kayne to try and escape the King in Yellow and each time he failed, a piece of his memory was lost. That’s how he knows the song, but has a very spotty memory of many things from his own reality.

I absolutely adore how the themes in Malevolent are introduced so subtly at the very start of each season. I feel that each season has distinct ones that could foreshadow how Arthur and John's relationship progresses throughout the show.

I will be rambling about it below (sorry if it's a but messy, I wrote it all in one sitting and didn't proof read it very thoroughly).

The first season is introductory, so we are shown right away how the characters struggle to come to terms with their condition and how to make the best of it to actually accomplish their goals.

This theme is introduced when we learn right at the start of episode one that Arthur is a pianist, as well as a private investigator. The piano requires two hands to play a song. The right hand plays the main melody, the one everyone recognises by ear and is more likely to hum when recalling the song. The left hand plays the accompaniment, the melody that is perhaps not as nice to hear on its own, but makes the song being played that much more complete.

It's not a coincidence that Arthur keep the control of his right hand, while John gains control of the left hand. Arthur is the one that has to interact with the world around him, he is the one that people see and hear and talk to, he is the one that ultimately controls where to go and how to move about a space. He is the main melody, the one people recognise and hear and remember. John is instead stuck in the background, unseen and unheard... limited to just relaying visual information to Arthur. However, without John's aid, Arthur would be incapable to do anything at all. John is the accompaniment: the trained ear can't hear it well, but without it, the main melody would not be as complete, or as rich, or pleasant to hear.

In season two we have them transported in the Dreamlands and this is an environment that John is more familiar with. This is not a safe place to stay, anything or anyone could bring harm. We see the characters pushing their boundaries, learning how to survive... but is it fair to respond to a harsh environment with more harshness? In about episode two (I think, I am writing this all from memory, so sorry if I am misremembering), Arthur mentions Aesop's fable of "The Woodcutter and the Trees". The quote that is being repeated multiple times over the course of the season is "at least the handle is one of us".

If we want to apply the fable to Arthur and John, it could be possible to infer that Arthur might be the axe, while John is the handle. Arthur is the one that is foreign to the place, that does not understand it and is more often than not ready to resort to more violent or extreme methods to escape or resolve issues. On the other hand, John mentions that he has faint memories of the Dreamlands, he is part of them and he remembers he had some sort of control/dominance over them when he was part of the King in Yellow. It's because of John that Arthur is even able to access the Dreamlands in the first place, so maybe John did betray in some way his nature and bringing harm to the place that he once called home.

In season three, the main theme was the (1) loss of humanity and (2) identity. In this case, this was communicated, respectively, (1) by removing a thing that was at the core of the characters' personality, and (2) by offering a narrative foil to the characters.

Loss of humanity for Arthur was symbolised by the destruction of Faroe's music box, which sent him down a very dangerous and dark path of self-vendetta fuelled by murderous rage. On the other hand, Arthur's narrative foil was Larson. Both characters experienced a great loss, but the motivations and (in particular) emotional response to the event was what made them become very different people. Arthur's loss of his daughter haunts him constantly, drags him down with the gravitational pull of a black hole. He cannot forgive himself, to the point of considering himself a monster that does not deserve redemption or forgiveness. On the other hand, Larson willingly sacrificed his daughter for power and money and never experiences any remorse or guilt for his deplorable actions.

Loss of humanity for John was shown by having Arthur strike a deal with Kayne: John is back, but with none of the memories or experiences he lived with Arthur. He is back as a manipulative fragment of the King in Yellow. It's interesting how he regains all his memories when Arthur plays Faroe's music box. Of course, John's narrative foil is... another version of himself... Yellow. I could write an entire essay comparing the two and their respective journeys on how they wanted to try so hard to form their own identities... but I'd go off on a very long tangent. This is already long enough and I am blabbering too much.

I've JUST started season four today and I am two episodes in and I am suspecting that this season's theme is fractures... Just in episode one I heard Arthur choosing a story about a broken relationship between two friends, then the multiple mentions between Arthur and his father in law, and then in episode two there was also the broken window in the room they are renting in Mary's apartment... I am honestly so scared that by the end of this season something very big will happen that will push Arthur and John apart and fracture their relationship almost irremediably.

I know John is hiding something very big from Arthur and it's very possibly something regarding Kayne. I also have a sneaky suspicion that Arthur had a real chance to get some answers about Kayne from Yellow, but of course he just decided to NOT DO THAT!

Can't wait to have this show mess me up once more.

[mrpenguinpants]

Razor:  Jealous HCs

Hey anon!! As much frustration I hold for crippling oblivious couples, I also love the trope so much. Plus I adore Razor. Even though I try to not call Razor a dog, I still google “jealous dog traits”. Also, I found out both Hanniejji and I secretly HCs Bennet is friends with Razor and Fischl. If genshin won’t give me character interactions then I’ll write it myself.

---

Semi Part 1: General HCs

Semi Part 2: Pre-Relationship HCs

Semi Part 3: Cuddle HCs

[Masterlist]

---

[taglist]  <- if you want to be added, please read this first.

 @mikeysbike @unionwitch @musekala @sunnshiii @stanzastic @akaasea @xoneaboveallx @adoring-ghost @asheseiler @childelover @dilucsz @dai-tsukki-desu @thicmitten @nonniechan @htnicayh @genshins1mpact @morthecreator @ aanne2601 @hanniejji​

Razor:  Jealous HCs

Bennet and Fischl are both foaming at the mouth at how deeply in love you BOTH are and yet you’re both equally blind. Fischl wants to grab you by the shoulders and yell at you that Razor returns your feelings and you need to stop doing whatever it is you’re doing. A sad Razor looks like a kicked puppy and even she can’t handle it. But Razor absolutely refuses for anyone to confess for him because he believes that you might just genuinely be uninterested in him. Plus, it wouldn’t feel right if he couldn’t confess himself. It’s his first love, this is important to him.

Bennet thinks it’s really sweet that his friend is in love. Even if he does get a bit pouty that whenever he get’s hurt, Razor will ask if he’s alright and leave it at that. But if you accidently trip Razor is already at your side and fussing over you. Bennet uses this as physical proof that yes, your feelings are returned and this man is in love with you, but you always brush it off as Razor’s nature to be caring. He’s smiling patiently on the outside but on the inside he has his hands in his hair and he’s screaming.

God forbid anything upsets you. Razor hasn’t been around other humans long enough to pick up on most social cues but he does have a good sense of smell. If you’re happy then the wind smells like sweet flowers. If you’re upset then it smells like mint. While Razor usually keeps himself in check and is somewhat indifferent, the second he catches any signs of distress from you he’s on high alert. Until you tell him what’s been bothering you - a group of hilichurls stole your bag of snapdragon flowers - he’s going to be on guard and stressed out. He’s already throwing his claymore over his shoulder to go and fight the monsters that tried to upset you. Wow, what a good friend you say to Fischl. Fischl is ready to punt you off a cliff.  

Razor tries his best to show that he likes you by bringing the things you need and looking like such a proud pup. He looks at you with such hopeful eyes that it takes you a second to register what he’s asking before you feel your own heart rate speed up and pound into your ears. You flush pink before you move to embrace him and ruffle his hair as praise as he nuzzles into your shoulder affectionally. You assume his affectious actions are apart of his wolf nature and how they act so you try not to read too deep into things. Even if Razor seems a bit too happy to be hugging you and receiving pets. Or the fact he doesn’t let anyone else pet him...

Bennet tries his best to help his friend out by giving Razor some advice but considering Bennet himself hasn’t been in a relationship yet, it’s all practical. Telling Razor that he’s seen couples bring each other flowers as a sign of affection, maybe Razor could find some plants to bring you? It ends horribly when he offers you a wolfhook and you just stare at him. He says that these are his feelings towards you but you’re just...so confused?? Wolfhooks have thorns so does that mean he thinks you’re clingy? Isn’t that a bad thing? Are you annoying to him?? But wolfhooks also symbolize wolves so is he saying you’re like family to him??? You’re internally screaming while debating if you just got family-zoned or if Razor is trying to subtly tell you that he doesn’t like you.

Just because Razor is, somehow, unsure if you actually like him or not. That doesn’t mean he doesn’t get incredibly jealous and possessive at any unknown presence. He’s still a bit wary of the City due to all the conflicting smells and noises but he can’t help but look so sad when you have to run errands and you can’t visit him. But when you mention that a really nice knight gifted you a flower does Razor see red. He gave you a flower?? Shouldn’t you be happy with his? Why do you need another one when you have his? Is his gift not good enough? Is this your way of saying you’re interested in someone else? This poor boy is on the verge of either running off to go sulk or find the man that gave you this flower, which up until his knowledge - courtesy of Bennet - is a sign of courting, and absolutely destroy him to prove he’s the better partner.

He tries to keep it under wraps since he's been told that while in the City, he needs to exercise restrain and understand that if he enters. He's expected to at least respect the laws and people. But this poor wolf is so feral over this new development and this new smell that's been clinging onto you that whatever worries and isolation issues Razor felt about the city flies out the window as his protective instincts kick into overdrive. He sees other people and even pets as a rival for your attention and love. He just wants to scoop you up and growl at everything as a message to say “this is mine, go get your own”.

Even when the both of you are far away from the city, Razor’s continued mood seems to hang heavy over both your heads. You’re not sure what exactly caused Razor to be on high alert. He’s snapping and growling at everything little thing that comes close, even a butterfly!

You abruptly stop walking to Razor’s surprise as you whip around and frown at him. He can feel a chill run up his spine as he stands perfectly straight as you study him before you hold your palm out and looked at him expectantly. He looks at your hand with a small spark of perked attention before his nose twitches and he goes back to sulking. You’re still waiting for him as he shuffles a bit, his hair that resembled a wolf ear is twitching, before he whines and trots over and places his chin on your palm. He’s looking up at you with the most kicked puppy expression and you don’t even know what you did but you feel like the worse person in all of Teyvat.

“Razor...what’s gotten into you?” you ask gently as you rub circles into his cheek as he nuzzles into your palm. He seems really conflicted as his eyes dart away from your face and he almost looks guilty. He just whines and turns and buries his face into your warm palm. You’ve never really seen him like that before as you awkwardly try and comfort him. Until the same flower slips out of your pocket and you hear something primal growl out of Razor. His teeth are pulled back and he snarls at the flower as his pupils dilate. You quickly get between him and the poor flower before Razor tries to do anything.

“Seriously Razor, what’s gotten into you?” you asked concerned. He quickly shifts his attention to you as he pounces and knocks you over. You left off a soft noise as the wind get’s knocked out of you but you peep when his hands cage you from above. Razor’s red eyes bore into yours and you’re suddenly thinking the air is getting too hot. 

“Do you like Razor?” he asks, tilting his head in a cute pout. It makes you internally coo before you quickly snap out of it. Stay focused! 

“Of course I do! Remember we talked about this?” you say as you remember back to your previous interactions but this only seems to frustrate Razor more.

“No. Not that like. More...” Razor struggles with his words as he tries to piece together the right string of sounds to try and convey what he’s feeling. He seems so conflicted that it breaks your heart a bit. So you reach up and gently rub behind his ear as he closes his eyes and relaxes. He breathes in deeply as his eyes open and his pupils return to normal, but vastly determined.

“Together. Always. Just...us,” Razor says softly as he looks at you hopefully. There’s a small pink dust to his cheeks as his fang digs into his lip in nervousness. You’re not sure why but your heart absolutely sky rockets at it and you can feel your face flush pink.

“Um, yes?” you nod along, you think you’re understanding what he’s trying to say. Maybe he was just upset you were spending so much time in the City and away from him that he felt your friendship was neglected? That would make you really upset. But the way he phrases his words makes you believe that perhaps...

Before you can think more on it. Razor’s face breaks into a grin that nearly blinds you from the pure affection that sprouts from it. He’s already hugging you harder as he starts rubbing his nose and cheek against your neck. Making soft and happy sounds as he nuzzles you. He’s never done that before but you assume he’s just so happy. You breath a sigh of relief that it appears that your message to him was clear enough.

Yeah of course, friends always, you think

Lupical. Partner. Mate, Razor thinks.

---

whistling as I pretend I don’t see your stares. Yeah ik but it’s ok. This is a sorta semi series. We’ll build upon it. But Xiao content is next lol. I’m taking inspiration from this. I mean, when I don’t feel like shit 😷

I’ve been listening to [  Softy - Dear Moon ]. This isn’t the usual kind of music I listen to but it came on shuffle and this is now my mental breakdown song.

Quick edit: Turns out this is an ost from “My Mister”. I’ve never been into kdramas (I think I’ve only seen goblin, she was pretty, and Hwarang) but the cover picture looks so upsetting? My friend is really into tgcf and I believe that had a live action as well. 

[duskholland]

Meet Your Match || Mob!Tom Smut

Summary ↠ It’s always awkward when your current boyfriend meets your ex, but it’s a whole new level when it transpires that your ex-boyfriend is the leader of Tom’s rival mob...

Warnings ↠ 18+, contains mature nsfw material. There are extended warnings beneath the cut, but this is quite heavy. 

Word count ↠ 5.9k

A/N ↠ Genuinely am shocked that this came out of my head tbh. It is very intense so please consult the warnings before you dive in ! The entire concept of the first half is very random and almost crack, but then the second half...phew. Sheesh. Thanks to V, mischiefandi, for suggesting I write in a hot Irish mobster as Y/N’s ex...love that for her, and I love you V. I hope you all enjoy this :)

This is a part of my mob!Tom series – a collection of oneshots set within the same universe. You don’t need to read the other parts for this to make sense! You can find the other parts in my masterlist.

18+ do not touch this if you are a minor. 

extended warnings: lol. mob themes including gun mention and punching, a broken nose ft minor mentions of blood, a bit of a dodgy ex who makes some uncomfortable comments, alcohol, possessive!jealous!Tom, d/s dynamics, soft!dom!Tom, mean!dom!Tom, thigh riding, oral (f receiving), spitting, orgasm denial and edging, guided masturbation, rough sex, doggy-style, like two minor instances of spanking, he calls her slut once. im not here to fuck around this goes hard so if you aren’t into rough stuff this isn’t for you. also includes unprotected sex -- please practise safe sex (condoms provide barriers against STIs as well as unwanted pregnancy. pls be safe irl). i would like mob!tom to rail me thank u. enjoy.

--------- Meet Your Match ---------

You’d never given much thought to the possibility of Tom meeting one of your exes. Why would you, when being with him is infinitely more satisfying, loving, and enjoyable than it had ever been with one of them? 

But if you’d had to imagine it, you would’ve pictured it casually. Maybe you’d be out somewhere together - at a café, or a market, with Tom’s arm wrapped safely around you. You’d see your ex - whoever it may be - and there’d be an awkward encounter. The exchange of painful hellos and goodbyes, maybe some piercing stares, and pinched words. Then, you’d move on, and that would be that. 

Never, in your wildest dreams, would you have imagined you’d run into your ex-boyfriend whilst in attendance at a meeting of the London mobs. 

It’s a special event - a large, networking occasion, organised by Tom, as an opportunity for him to meet with his partners and rivals, as they come together to cordially bond over beer and discuss business plans. It’s hosted right in the centre of Piccadilly, in the elegant conference room of a luxurious hotel. You’re just starting to relax and settle in when you glance across the room and see him:

Aidan. Your ex-boyfriend. At… A meeting of the mobs of London? 

“What the fuck,” you mutter. You almost drop your glass of champagne as you narrow your eyes and stare. The conference room is vast, adorned with glittering chandeliers and large banquet tables, but it’s undeniable: Aidan is here. 

“Everything alright, love?” Tom’s by your side, one of his arms wrapped loosely around your shoulders. He’s in remarkably high spirits this evening. The event is fully underway, and judging by the snippets of conversation you’ve been hearing, Tom’s latest plans are coming into fruition - something about warehouses, and a shipment of class A drugs. But none of it matters now, because your mind is entirely elsewhere.

“No,” you state immediately. 

Tom cranes his neck, his eyes seeking you out. You manage to drag your gaze away from Aidan for a brief second.

“What is it?” He’s looking at you with those deep, warm brown eyes, and his gaze is so tender it makes your breath hitch. One of Tom’s fingers moves up to caress your cheek, and you find yourself shifting guiltily on your feet.

“Who, exactly, did you invite to this meeting?” You ask your boyfriend, speaking in hushed tones. Your eyes slip back to Aidan, and you feel yourself relax as you note he’s still deep in conversation with a few men. 

“Suppliers, rivals, allies… Anyone of importance, really.” Tom narrows his eyes, his thumb brushing over your chin as he looks at you closely. “Why?”

“Did you know that you’ve also invited my ex-boyfriend?”

Judging by the look of utter shock on Tom’s face, he had not, in fact, realised his fundamental truth.

“Who?” He asks immediately. His face shifts through several shades before settling on jealous, with his eyebrows bunched together. 

You turn around, resting one hand on the broad shoulder of Tom’s suit before using your other to point out across the crowd.

“Aidan.” 

Tom squints his eyes, a small rumbling noise travelling up his throat. “Aidan?” He repeats, his voice flooded with confusion. You hum affirmatively. “Bloke with the blond hair? Irish?” Again, a hum. Tom releases a short, curt chuckle. “Angel, he’s not called Aidan.”

“What?” You exclaim. 

Tom releases a deep sigh. “That’s Gordy. He runs the Eastside.” 

You feel your jaw loosen. A fake name. “Gordy Byrne?”

“The one and only.”

“Shit.”

You’ve been with Tom for a year. Over those long, fulfilling twelve months, you’ve picked up on several important key pieces of information about the London mob: it’s split into three factions, each sector run by a different figurehead. Tom and his family control the South-West, and they’re in constant disagreement with Gordy, of the East, and Monique, of the North. Each third is continuously testing the waters, trying to take over land, and supplies, and emerge as the solo Kingpin of London. The fragile alliance between the three families is constantly on the verge of disintegration. 

And Gordy is your ex, who you’d met three years ago at the same exclusive club you’d worked in when you’d met Tom. Your relationship had lasted eight months and ended on equal terms as you’d mutually agreed the spark had fizzled away. Despite the considerable span of your relationship, you’d had no suspicions that he’d been involved with the mob. The thought is incredibly jarring.

“Seems like you have a type,” Tom comments, his voice entirely too flippant. 

Before you can call him out on his apparent feelings of resentment, your evening takes a further turn as you realise Gordy has spotted you and is now working his way through the sea of people towards you. 

He looks just as you remember: 6’2, blond, green-eyed. His shoulders are stocky and broad, and his suit bulges with disguised muscles. He maintains that signature swagger you’d come to associate with him, his eyes glinting as he throws out a wild smile. Your eyes catch on the presence of a few new golden teeth fixed in his mouth, and then to the tattooed knuckles that hang by his side.

“Y/N Y/L/N,” Gordy greets, green eyes skimming across you appreciatively, “Who’d ‘a thought we’d meet again?”

All you can really do is let out a squeak of agreement, and pull away from Tom’s side to greet the man with a kiss on the cheek. The familiar scent of Gordy’s musky cologne drifts up your nose, and it makes your head spin.

“What are you doing here?” You ask as you pull away, looking at him incredulously. His pale cheeks wear a scruff of fuzz, highlighting the high arches of his cheekbones. 

“What are you doing here?” He returns, his Irish accent twanging. His eyes shift over to Tom, then back to you, and then they watch as Tom reaches out and carefully tangles his fingers with yours. “Wait…”

“Evening, mate,” Tom greets, voice a little clipped. You feel the grip on your hand tighten, and you let him reel you back into his side. You find home beneath Tom’s heavy arm as he repositions it across your shoulder, keeping you near. “I see you’ve already met my girlfriend.”

The air seems to flicker with tension.

“Interesting,” Gordy comments. He shifts his attention back to you, drawing the lines of your face with his curious eyes. “Didn’t take you for the type, Y/N. Would’ve stuck around if I’d thought you could handle this life.”

His words dig into you, and you find yourself clenching your teeth.

“You told me you worked in banking.”

“Oh, I do.” He runs his fingers down the front of his designer suit, winking. “The mob is quite a lucrative business.” He pauses, and something a little like guilt flashes over his face. “You know my real name, yeah? Gordy, not Aidan. Sorry about that. I hate the lies, but they’re for protection, y’know.”

You feel almost dizzy as you bring your glass of champagne to your lips and throw it back. The bubbles do little to soothe down your discomfort.

“Wow,” you manage. Your eyes shift up to Tom, who’s looking at Gordy with apprehension in his gaze. You understand why: for the past two months, Tom’s been engaged in a brutal turf-war with Gordy’s family over in the South-East. Men have died, shipments stolen. You know one of Tom’s primary motivations for the meeting tonight was to see if he could reach some kind of agreement with them, but the circumstances were tense enough as it was, before this. 

“Isn’t this fun,” Gordy comments. He’s eyeing up Tom now, a cocky smirk hanging from his plush lower lips. “Well, Thomas, it’d seem you and I have a lot more in common than we’d thought, eh? Maybe we’ll be able to come to an agreement.” 

Your stomach turns, and you feel Tom tighten his grip on your arm. He clears his throat, and when he speaks, his tone is so severe that it knocks the air from your lungs.

“Don’t talk about Y/N like that,” he warns darkly. “We will not be making any deals tonight, Gordy.”

You raise your eyebrows, trying to meet his eyes but finding that Tom ignores your attempts and instead keeps staring straight ahead at your ex-boyfriend, a determined frown hanging from his thin lips.

“Why’s that, Thomas?” He quips.

“I don’t like your attitude, I don’t like your policies, and I don’t like the way you’re looking at my girlfriend.” 

Gordy arches an eyebrow. His hand slips down slowly to rest on his hip, but not before his suit jacket has ridden up just enough to expose the sleek outline of his gun, hanging low in the holster on his belt.

“Is this how it’s going to be, Tom?” He asks, shifting his eyes back to you. “Eh? I bed your bird and suddenly business is off the table?”

You can feel the mood sour, and as much as you’d like to reach out and give Gordy a piece of your mind, you are painfully aware of the circumstances: you are standing in the lion’s den. Despite the meeting of Tom’s creation, you know that there’s no chance in hell that Gordy has walked into the evening alone. To initiate any sort of heated discussion whilst surrounded by London’s most notorious gangsters would be a disastrous move.

“Tom,” you murmur, recognising all too well the signs of anger that curl out across Tom’s face: his clenched jaw, the deep frown marks on his forehead, the tight line of his lips. “Let’s go.”

For a moment you think he’s going to follow you. Tom lets you shrug off his arm and take his hand, and his posture loosens as if he’s about to turn and walk across the room with you. But then, of course, Gordy just has to get in the last word.

“Oh, well, if you’re going, you won’t mind giving me a goodbye kiss, eh, Y/N?” He peers at you with mischievous eyes, his voice lilting lightly. “Just like old times?”

Tom’s moving before you can even attempt to stop him, and you hear a loud crack as his fist sweeps up and collides with Gordy’s nose. The man doubles over, groaning profusely, and your eyes widen as you take in the stream of blood that immediately begins to pour from his face.

“Tom!” You exclaim, your eyes wide and your hands shaking. Your boyfriend grabs at your fingers, squeezing your digits in his.

“He’s not allowed to disrespect you like that,” he mutters darkly. 

“I don’t need you to defend me, I can do it myself,” you hiss back. Your heart pounds in your chest, but you feel the hot lump of anger melt away as Tom looks at you through those brown, golden eyes, his mouth positioned into a guilty smile. 

Two men emerge from the crowd and flank Gordy’s side. You feel a deep swell of fear pool in the pit of your stomach, and instinctively your fingers move down towards your bag for the switch-blade you’d buried alongside your lipstick. But you find your actions stilling as Gordy clears his throat, rights himself and holds up a bloody hand.

“It’s fine,” Gordy tells his guards. He tilts his head in your direction. “I deserved it. No disrespect to the lady.” His beady green eyes move to Tom. “We can finish this discussion some other time, Thomas. Good evening to you both.” 

Before waiting to see if Gordy turns around and walks away, you tighten your grip on Tom’s hand and lead him out of the large conference room. It’s completely silent, and the groups of people seem to part like the sea as you escort your boyfriend from the scene, his lips brushing over the back of his bruised hand as he winces. You don’t say anything, not until you’re safely stowed away in the backseat of a large car, the doors locked, windows tinted, and driver separated by partition.

“Love, look, I’m sorry, but I-”

You cut Tom off by climbing from your seat and meeting his mouth with a deep, needy kiss. Your boyfriend releases a noise of surprise, and his hands shift up to grab at your waist as he pulls you onto his lap eagerly, pressing back against your lips with fervour. It’s messy, and you enjoy running your hands through strands of his unruly hair as he keeps you close, his fingers grasping at every area of your front and sides, mapping you out.

“What did I do to deserve that?” Tom murmurs, his curious eyes meeting yours. “Thought I was in trouble.” His hands cup your cheeks, and you give him a coy smile.

“You shouldn’t have punched him,” you tell him, biting your lip as his thumb brushes over the soft skin of your face. “I’m glad that you did, though. He was a dick.” 

Tom hums. “And also the enemy, love.”

Your eyebrows knit together, and you sit back on Tom’s wide thighs as you sigh. “I can’t believe he runs one of the other mobs,” you mutter. “I can’t believe I’ve dated two mobsters, and I didn’t even know.”

Tom’s smile doesn’t quite stretch to his eyes, but he still manages a short chuckle. “I hate the thought of you being with him,” he admits. His eyes stir with something darker, and his fingers dig into your waist. “I hate the thought of you being with anyone other than me.”

You bite your lower lip as you twirl the short strands at the nape of his neck around your fingers. “It was a long time ago,” you tell him. “Our relationship wasn’t anything of consequence.”

Your boyfriend chuckles, but he’s still got that hungry glint in his eyes. You feel a shiver roll down your spine as his gaze sweeps across your face, his hands shifting up to rest on the curves of your breasts. Your dress is thin, and the neckline meant you had to go without a bra. A soft gasp falls past your lips as Tom’s thumbs brush over the lines of your nipples, which prick in response to his touch.

“Is our relationship of consequence?” Tom asks, his voice dancing. He’s staring at your chest now, his smirk widening as you instinctively push further into his hands, enjoying the feeling of his large, warm palms groping at your breasts.

“Of course.” You swallow and bring your fingers away from his neck. With careful movements, you reach up and pull the straps of your dress from your shoulders, meeting Tom’s gaze as you roll down the front of the garment, exposing your bare chest to him. “I love you.”

Tom seeks out your neck with his lips, and you release a small gasp as he sucks firmly on the base of your throat, his fingers moving over your bare chest. You can feel his mouth pulling the blood to the surface of your skin, but the pain makes you cry out in pleasure as your fingers wrap around his suit jacket and fist at the expensive material hugging his back. He takes his time as he works his way up your neck, sucking and biting, and then soothing the throbbing marks with gentle laps of his tongue and soft, open-mouthed kisses. By the time he reaches your ear, you’re squirming in his lap.

“You are mine.”

His tongue teases the lobe of your ear as his hands move all across your bare back, caressing your skin gently with his palms. The cold metal of his silver rings bites to touch, but you shiver in enjoyment.

“Yours,” you agree. Tom shifts from your neck to look at you straight on, his eyes full of dark, heady lust.

“Mine,” he repeats. His mouth is on yours, and you let him prise apart your lips with his tongue. His hands fist at your hair and he pulls you closer roughly, and your teeth collide as he kisses you sloppily, groaning into your mouth. It’s messy - with noses bashing and his digits tugging at your strands and your lips moving everywhere, slick with spit - but you feel him gather you up in his arms as he holds you. He owns you.

You make-out until the car arrives home, at which point your lips are tender and puffy and your entire body throbs with persistent arousal. Tom’s eager with his affection, but you can feel the underlying pulse of fear coasting through his veins; you want so desperately to placate it: to let him know that he has nothing to worry about - that you are his now, and probably always will be. Tom’s not alone in his discomfort - you, too, feel jilted and unbalanced after running into a ghost from your past. You need Tom desperately, in more ways that one. You need him to look after you - to hold you, be firm with you, and show you your place within your relationship. You need him to be your dom, and you crave the release of submitting to him entirely - with your mind, body and heart.  

“You can do anything you want to me tonight,” you tell him. You’re standing at the foot of the bed, Tom sitting up against the headboard. His suit jacket lays off to the side, tie hanging loose around his neck and his top two buttons undone. You’ve made a mess of his hair, but he looks so fucking pretty with his chestnut curls all tousled and his lips bright pink and inflamed. 

“That’s funny,” Tom comments, eyes glinting as he tilts his head to the side, “I thought I could already do that.” 

His words send a shiver down your spine, and you find yourself biting your lower lip as your face fills up with heat.

“Do you want me to take off my dress?” Your fingers toy with the straps, which are all rolled up and uneven thanks to the hastiness in which you’d scrambled from the car.

“No.” Tom sits up, and he pats his thigh invitingly. “Take off your panties and come up here.”

You tease him a little bit, enjoying the way his gaze weighs down your figure. You’re slow to push your dress up to your waist, and you make a show of hooking your index fingers beneath the band to reveal lacy panties. You tug at the material until it falls to pool at your feet, and then you delicately step away from them and approach your boyfriend. You have a sudden thought that it’s as if you are the prey, walking straight into danger, but you welcome it: Tom’s looking at you, his expression hard but excited and his eyes swimming with darkness, and it makes your throat dry up. 

“Such a gorgeous girl, aren’t you?”

The material of Tom’s slacks feels coarse against your centre as you straddle his left thigh. His hands press at your waist, pushing your cunt straight against his leg, and the contact makes you moan softly.

“You look so pretty with your neck all marked up.” Tom presses a light kiss to one of your hickeys, and you gasp as a line of pain ripples out across your skin. “You look like you’re mine.”

“I am.”

“I know.” Tom strokes his hand through your hair, eyes watching you carefully. “I’m just going to remind you.”

“And how exactly do you plan on doing that?” You ask, your voice wavering.

He hums, the noise suspended with confidence. “You’ll see.” His hands dig into your waist a little firmer, and he starts to guide your movements. “Work yourself against my thigh, darling. Make a nice wet spot for me.”

His words make you moan, and you’re quick to comply. You recognise the dark glint in his eyes and the layers to his voice - he’s slipping away into his harder, more dominative side, just as you find yourself eager to oblige him. You grind yourself down over his thigh, and his trousers are rough against your flushed centre. The friction burns beautifully. A few moans slip past your lips, and your eyes squeeze shut as his hands press over you, digging into your waist, guiding you. Tom is very much in control, and as the seconds slip past, you give into it.

“Tell me how it feels,” he murmurs, rich voice drifting into your ears. You bite your lip, your hole clenching around nothing as you swivel your hips and feel the pressure to your hot bud.

“Feels really good,” you admit, voice a whimper. “Love it when you let me touch you.” 

Tom takes your chin between two fingers, looking at you with a hard stare. He pulls your face to him, his tongue licking a wide stripe over your lips. As you try to push forward for a kiss, he just moves away, a teasing smirk on his lips. “No,” he says softly, “You’ll take what I give you, and you won’t be greedy about it. I don’t want to have to punish you, babygirl.”

You nod quickly, the movement hurried and messy. It’s getting hard to think of anything other than the fact you’ve made his trousers slick with your arousal. The burn between your legs is gradually swelling to a crescendo.

“Sorry,” you whisper. Your fingers find purchase on his shoulder, and you find your forehead dropping down to rest there too as your breathing hitches.

“Are you close, darling?” He’s very soft and gentle, and it makes you whimper out a small noise of agreement. Tom chuckles, pulling at your hair as he brings your face back up, his hands bearing down on your hips to halt your movements. “Lie down for me, please.”

You scramble from his lap, your centre pulsing as it leaves his thigh. Your eyes catch on the way you’ve left a large, wet mark on his trousers, and you watch with wide eyes as Tom stands from the bed. He walks around to the foot of the mattress, his figure commanding your complete attention. 

“I’ve been thinking about what I’d like to do to you,” he says, speaking quietly. His nimble fingers work down the buttons of his shirt, popping them quickly. Once his shirt is discarded, Tom works on his slacks. As the metallic sounds of his belt clicking fill the air, he smirks at you. “Are you going to be good for me?”

“Yes,” you say immediately. You squeal as Tom grabs at your ankles and pulls you to the edge of the bed. He kneels on the floor, hauling you closer until your thighs are over his shoulders and his face is near your heat. Your dress scrunches up at your waist, and you whimper as his hands press your legs apart. “I’ll always be good for you.”

“Is that right?” Tom asks, index finger running lightly over the inside of one of your thighs. He looks up at you, eyes hooded and blown wide with lust.

“Yes.”

“Prove it to me,” he instructs. “If you think you’re about to cum, you need to tell me.” Tom’s gaze darkens. “If you disobey me, you won’t enjoy what happens.” With tender lips, he presses a kiss to your inner thigh, looking at you with a gentle smile. When he speaks again, his voice is lighter, “Is this okay, darling?”

You nod.

“Words.”

As two of Tom’s fingers spread your puffy outer lips, you stammer out a broken, “Yes, I understand.”

“Good girl.”

He dives in quickly, and the press of his warm tongue against your pulsing pussy makes you cry out. You’re already feeling hot and bothered from the time you spent rutting against the coarse material of his trousers, and the pressure soothes you. He’s too far away to touch, so you curl your hands into fists and pull at the silky bed linen, eyelids fluttering shut as his tongue caresses you, over and over.

Tom makes out sloppily with your cunt, two of his slender fingers pulling up to push into your heat. He fills you easily, taking the edge off your desire as his tongue flicks over your clit, unrelenting, hard. He’s eager for it, holding nothing back as he coaxes you quickly towards a high, moaning and grunting into your centre. The vibrations drive you mad, and your mind spins off as he holds you in place.

“S-Shit,” you stammer, back arching. As much as you don’t want to say it, Tom’s already pushing you towards climax. As he curls his slender digits up against you, his tips brush against your g-spot, and it has you seeing stars. “I’m gonna cum, Tom.”

All movements stop. Tom’s mouth pulls back from your cunt, and his fingers still inside you. Your walls clench around him, but he relaxes them, halting all stimulation of your sensitive pussy as you whimper.

“Good,” he coos. Your eyes seek him out, and you moan as you see his chin slick with your juices. “You taste divine, sweetheart.” His free hand strokes over your inner thigh, calming you with gentle circles and caresses. “We’ll do this a few more times, I think. I want you dripping onto the sheets. I want you to forget about everything apart from me, and how desperate you are for me.” His teeth nip at your thigh, and you squirm.

True to his word, Tom works you up, over and over again. Each time he brings you to the edge of a high, he pulls back at the last moment, leaving you teetering on the edge for a painful second before your climax goes ebbing away from your reach. The time it takes to build up to each edge narrows considerably with each completion, and you find yourself growing desperate for more. Your skin is hot and prickles, your forehead breaking into a sweat. The muscles in your legs ache from the exertion of almost spasming into climax, time and time again, and your throat hurts from your eager, desperate moans. He’s a demon, his deep brown eyes watching you closely, sharp ears picking up each noise and sound, and he seems intent on drawing this out for as long as possible.

“I think that’s enough,” Tom finally says. Your sigh of relief is so loud and pronounced that it makes him chuckle. “What, you didn’t like that?” His hand comes down over your inner thigh, slapping softly. As the pain ripples across your skin, you whimper. “Don’t lie to me, angel. I know you love it when I’ve got my head between your legs.” His large hands slip under your thighs, and he pushes you up the bed, slipping up over you. With his body suspended above you and a hand either side of your head, Tom raises his eyebrows. “Open,” he instructs.

What he does next makes your eyes roll back. You open your mouth immediately, and he chuckles darkly. One hand holds your jaw, and you watch as Tom purses his lips, eyes you intently, and then spits directly into your mouth. The taste of your cunt spreads out across your tongue, and your hole clenches around nothing as you moan loudly.

“Swallow,” he says. You close your mouth and do just that, and then you stick out your tongue for him to see. “Good,” he coos. Tom kisses you suddenly, the action hard as he sucks on your tongue. When he pulls back, he kisses your nose. “Pretty girl, aren’t you? My pretty girl.”

His lips skate all across your face, dusting you in warm kisses of reward. 

“I love you,” you whisper, wrapping your arms around his shoulders. The gratitude you feel towards him for knowing exactly what you need is boundless, consuming. 

“And I love you.” You share a tender moment of understanding as Tom brushes his hand over your face, and in the look you exchange, you know that he feels as you do: appreciation towards your partner, for reading you and obliging you. He hums softly, slipping away from you after a final kiss to pull off his boxers. “Take off your dress for me, love. Give me a show.”

You’re shaky on your feet, but you manage to stand in front of the bed. Tom sits up against the headboard, working his hand over his erect length as he watches you. You tease him, just like you know he enjoys, taking your time as you roll the sleeves down and unzip the back. The material goes tumbling to the floor, pooling at your feet, and then you’re entirely naked - wearing only his hickeys, and his spit between your legs. 

“Beautiful,” he says, eyes glinting. “You’re an angel, aren’t you?” When you shrug bashfully, he nods. “My angel. C’mere.” You move to him, but he stops you before you can reach for his cock. “I want you to lie down here and show me how you get off.”

“But I want--” 

He shuts you up with a hard stare. “Do you really want to finish that sentence?” When you’re quiet, he hums. You can’t stop staring at the way his hands slide over his length. Your mouth waters at the thought of letting your tongue wander over his leaking tip, collecting the beads of salty precum. “Do this for me, and then I’ll let you have what you want.”

You part your legs, your thighs aching. As you dip your hand between your legs, you whimper to feel your slick mixed with Tom’s spit. Your skin is soaked, and as you nimbly press two fingers into your hole, you find it looser, already stretched from Tom’s exploration earlier. You can feel his eyes on you, watching your hand move as you slowly fuck yourself with your fingers, getting pleasure from the knuckle of your thumb as it brushes up against your clit.

As you begin to whimper, Tom swoops in with his final lesson of the evening. He reaches down, wrapping his hand around yours, guiding your movements. He sets the pace and the angle, speeding up your thrusts. The sound of your wetness sloshing around makes you cry out loudly as he edges you perfectly, like he knows your body better than you. 

“You see this,” he mutters, voice husky. “I give you pleasure. It doesn’t matter if it’s my tongue in your cunt, or my fingers, or my cock. This cunt?” He curls your fingers, and they brush up against your g-spot, making you cry out. “This cunt is mine. You are mine.”

You almost lose it right there, the deep husky tones of his dominant voice sending you spinning, but then Tom pulls away. As your walls flutter weakly around nothing, he pats at your hip.

“Hands and knees, darling.”

Your arms shake as you roll over, adopting the position. Again, Tom stands at the foot of the bed, pulling you back until you’re spread open for him. You feel his cock, dragging through your slick folds, teasing your tender clit until your hips jerk forwards. Your bud aches almost painfully, your body pulled tight with an overwhelming need to climax.

“Please,” you beg desperately, dropping your head between your arms. “Please, please.”

Tom’s hand smooths over the curve of your ass, silver ring biting coolly against you, “Does my darling want to feel my cock?” 

“Yes, please.”

“Hmm.” Easily, he slips the tip of his cock past your entrance. “I suppose you deserve it,” he teases. “Been such a good little slut for me, haven’t you?”

When Tom finally fucks into you, the moan you release is almost pornographic. He’s been teasing you, over and over, drawing you close to orgasm only to jerk it away from you each time, but now that he’s got his length buried up to the hilt inside you, you know it’s been worth it. Nothing compares to the relief you feel as you realise you’ll be allowed to finish soon, your walls squeezing his cock. 

The pace is punishing, and everything blurs together. His hands on your hips, holding you in place, pulling you back rhythmically to meet with his thrusts. As his slick cock pounds into you over and over, his flushed tip nudges against your g-spot. The stimulation makes your eyes tear up, and a few hot tears skate across your cheeks as you whimper and cling to the sheets.

“Fuck, princess, you’re fucking perfect for me, aren’t you?” A hand falls over your bum, and you moan. “So tight and warm. Feels so snug around me, lovie. So perfect.” Tom’s voice comes out firm, but it wavers, and you can imagine the grimace of pleasure on his face. “Always take me so well.” His hand moves to the top of your back, and he pushes you into the bed. Your face buries into the sheets as the angle adjusts, and you gasp loudly as the adjustment means he can rail you harder. 

“S-Shit,” you moan. “Love your cock, Tommy. Pl-Please.”

“What do you need?”

You whimper, the power of his thrusts fucking you further into the mattress. “W’nna cum.”

“You can play with your clit then.”

Tears fly down your cheeks, and it feels overwhelming as you nudge a hand between your legs to fondle your bud. Tom’s hands hold your hips, keeping you nice and open for him, and you’re glad for the heavy pressure on your skin. It keeps you anchored down.

“Are you close?” He asks, grunting heavily as he feels your walls squeeze him.

“Yes.”

“I think you deserve to cum, don’t you?” He pauses briefly, cursing lowly, pace faltering. “Let go, darling. Let me feel you squeezing me. I want to feel what I do to you.”

The action of his deep, fast thrusts mixes with your fingers on your clit, and you cum with a  loud, quivering scream. Tom holds you down, fucking into you as you spasm and writhe in the sheets, and after a few, mind-numbing moments of pleasure, you feel him follow you with a grunt. His hot speed paints your walls, his noises of heady enjoyment mixing with yours, and it just prolongs your climax.

When you calm down, Tom carefully pulls out from you. You whimper at the loss, feeling a little out of it as he turns you over, pushes you up into the centre of the bed and pulls you on top of him. Your head settles in the crook of his neck, his hands palming over your back as he kisses the top of your head, over and over again.

“So good for me,” he mumbles. Your legs tangle together. You can feel his cum spilling from your hole, dripping down onto him, but he doesn’t seem to care. “My best girl. I love you so much.” 

You hum quietly, rubbing your hand over the top of his arm as you whimper. “Love you too,” you manage, voice hoarse. 

Tom’s hands cup your face, and he gently coaxes you up until he can meet with your eyes. His fingers brush away the teary residue from your cheeks, and he kisses you softly.

“Mine,” he mumbles against you, smiling into your lips as you hum in agreement. One of your hands folds into his curls, and you feel your heart stirring contentedly in your chest.

“Yours.”

---------

lol. hope you enjoyyyyed :) 

I’m intending to do some mob!Tom blurbs next week for mob!Monday, so if you have any concepts you’d like to see, please send them to my ask box!

ask box is open for your thoughts!! I’m dying to know what you think of this... 👀

masterlist linked in bio!

[litsetaure]

I need to talk about this scene. Initially, I thought that Gellert just slipped up and blew his cover; he got caught up in what was happening that he forgot himself. You can almost sense it; the Aurors are thinking ‘wait, what?’ Mind you, if this is the point where the MACUSA (and, for that matter, Newt) realised that something was not right, I have some serious questions about what exactly actual Percival Graves was like! It really does say a lot about Graves that the first time they realized that Graves probably wasn't Graves until that speech that basically overturns what they thought he believed on the Statute of Secrecy. Not to mention that sentencing Newt and Tina to that creepy as fuck death penalty didn’t raise any alarms at all!

But then, I thought about the context. If I recall rightly, this scene is directly after Credence has apparently been killed. Obviously, come the second film, we know that’s not true, but as yet, no one else does. And I started to wonder - did Gellert actually slip up? Or did he intend to reveal himself? Had he just had enough and decided to tell ‘his’ colleagues the truth?

I mean, if you listen to him speaking - initially, he doesn’t really sound just angry. Maybe a little bit, but to me, he sounds more sad and frustrated. Especially at the start with the line ‘Madam President…I ask all of you. Who does this law protect?’ It might be his accent, but to me, he sounds like he’s on the verge of tears. His cause is something very important to him and he just witnessed what he thought was a murder of a boy who had a condition that was in no way his own fault. And that would strike a chord within him. Because he’s seen it before with Ariana Dumbledore. A young person suffering from a condition that was in no way her fault, but which kept her trapped and hidden away because of a law that would see her taken and locked away by a draconian Ministry, under the guise of keeping the wizarding community safe and secret.

And it frustrates and hurts Gellert. He doesn’t blow his cover here because he got sloppy. He effectively revealed himself, because he’s had enough of hiding. He wants these people to understand what’s at stake. To see that the law they value so much is only hurting them and others like them. And why is it their obligation to hide? They’re not shameful. They’ve done nothing wrong. Are they really to be condemned to live in secret and fear because of something they can’t control and to protect people who lash out at what they don’t understand?

Yeah. He’s not really angry, or not just angry. He’s just done. Done with all of this bullshit. He knows the damage the statute can do. It denied Percival Dumbledore the right to tell his side of the story (out of fear for his daughter) and ripped him away from the family who needed him. It destroyed Albus’ chance for a future. It also ultimately cost Kendra and Ariana their lives.

And even if he hasn’t initially given away enough to tell everyone who he is, he’s told enough to make it clear which side he’s on. He’s not stupid. He had to know that some people there may have suspected who he was, or at the very least a follower of Gellert’s, and he just turns his back on them after that speech that basically confirms which side of this conflict he's on, if nothing else. And he just turns his back and walks away (in disgust), like it's no big thing. Like there aren't AT LEAST 30 Aurors and President Picquery at his back, and also Newt Scamander and his trunk full of creatures (and Dumbledore's man). That is one hell of a bold power move. He’s saying ‘I know what I’m revealing to you here and I don’t give a shit what you think. I’m done hiding away. I’m not going to tolerate this law that condemns and harms us. I’m going to fight it with everything I have. If you want to attack me and fight me, that’s fine. I’m up for it. I’m not giving up. Do your worst.’

Also, if you watch the fight, it’s pretty typical of what we know of Gellert in a fight. He’s got virtually the entire MACUSA ready to take him down (and he also does not look remotely worried by this, rather he’s thinking ‘okay, fair enough. Do your worst’) but, when they’re firing at him, it looks as though he never casts a single attacking spell. He only appears to be using shielding charms. Damn powerful ones, yes, but shield charms nonetheless. And that’s very similar to what we see and hear of how he fights. He never attacks first. The threeway duel? Aberforth drew his wand first. The fight at the rally? The Auror attacked first, killing the red-haired witch. And here - he knows the Aurors intend to take him down. In such a situation, you have the right to protect yourself - which he does, with the shield charm. But, again, he doesn’t appear to attack them.

And yet, with only shielding charms, he more than holds his own until Newt sends out the bird. That is INCREDIBLY impressive in and of itself. But it’s even more impressive because of one small detail.

The wand he’s using is not the Elder Wand. It’s (I assume) Percival Graves’ wand. Which means Gellert is doing all this badassery with a wand that is not actually his own, either simply because it didn’t choose him in the first place (which it obviously didn’t), or because, not only did it not choose him, but he also didn’t win it/become that wand’s Master. We don’t know what happened between him and Graves (though I’ve seen somewhere that JKR has confirmed Graves is still alive…can’t for the life of me remember where though!), but damn…that’s really impressive.

(Side note, but it’s really interesting to note that, if Gellert did leave Graves alive, it’s not the first time he’s left someone alive when someone else might have killed them. He did the same with Gregorovitch when he stole the Elder Wand. He got the wand, but left Gregorovitch alive. I’ve wondered about that before, since surely the last thing he should do is leave any sort of trail, especially when looking for a powerful artefact like the Elder Wand. And leaving Gregorovitch alive does, ultimately, come back to bite him in the arse when Voldy comes calling. It’s possible that he simply does not take pleasure in killing, and really only does it in self-defence, which says quite a bit about him, in all honesty…)

But this final point about the wand(s) leads to another issue. If Gellert is master of the elder wand and does all that impressive shit with Graves’ wand that isn’t his…how does he lose to Albus?? He’s shaping up to be immensely powerful, intelligent and magically gifted (and also, in terms of his ideas and motives, ABSOLUTELY RIGHT) and yet…Albus beats him? I’m not saying Albus isn’t powerful as fuck and a damn good duellist (he certainly is), but I feel like Gellert is more than a match for him - and they both know it. And yet…Albus wins the duel, and the Elder Wand. It seems suspicious to me. As though…actually, yes. I’m going to say it. I’m now 1000% convinced that Gellert might not have outright surrendered, but he was absolutely holding back against Albus and, in the end, for reasons currently unknown, he threw the duel.

[fmdjake]

This is awkward... but Jake knows that it’s something that needs to be done. He knows he’s got a past that he needs to take accountability for, and as he’s working hard to change as a person and grow from the mistakes he’s made, he feels that it’s important to have this conversation. It terrifies him, that goes without saying, but now that he and Duri have decided to embark on a journey of love together, he knows that he needs to not only inform Haesol, but also apologize to him for what occurred between them years and years ago. It’s not something he’s proud of. In fact, whenever he does remember that era of his life, Jake physically cringes at how he acted and how he treated the people that put their hearts on the line for him; that cared for him even though he was not mature enough to commit to them; that loved him hard only to be treated to apathy and ice after a couple of months. Much like his father, he’s incredible when it comes to the honeymoon phase, but the instant the mood shifts and a deeper attachment is on the verge of being formed, he bolts for the exit and leaves little fires in his wake. Haesol is only one of many he’s burned.

He reminisces about the hours they spent together—the good, the bad, and the ugly—and he lifts his cocktail up to take a long sip of it; knowing that a light buzz would help him get through the inevitable silence that’ll befall them every once in awhile. He knows he deserves whatever treatment his former fling gives him, and if it all ends with a drink being thrown in his face, he’ll accept that and get his clothes dry cleaned. This could go in a variety of directions, but he likes to think he’s prepared for all of them; hoping for the best, but completely expecting the worst. Haesol was always someone that seems cool and collected, but Jake knows of the anger that exists inside of him and how treacherous—and infernal—it is. A person’s heart isn’t a punching bag, he’s aware of that now, and all he can do is try to help bandage the damage he’s caused. It’s only fair, but in the end, that’s a decision he can’t make.

Eyes avert up whenever he catches a glimpse of Haesol turning the corner into the private room he reserved for them; Jake’s heart stopping momentarily, then picks up its beating at a pace that is indicative of his fear. “Hey,” he murmurs; standing from his chair. “Thanks for coming... I, uh—well, for a second there, I thought you weren’t going to.” He half-smiles, making light notice of the fact that Haesol’s roughly twenty minutes late. “Sit down, sit down... I’ve got some apps ordered and they’ll be out soon. I hope you’re hungry ‘cause it’s kind of a lot. I got all your favorites. That cool?”

A CLOSED STARTER WRITTEN FOR YOO HAESOL— PREDATED TO SPRING 2022  /  UNDISCLOSED BISTRO.

[mx-barnes]

Soulmate Au 2/?

Bucky x F!Reader

Summary: When you turn 18 you get the name of a song on your wrist. That is the song you and your soulmate share. It is also how you can communicate with them.

Word Count: 1.7k

Warnings: None really.

A/N: Sorry I know it’s short. I have been experiencing a lack of ambition to write. I also felt like I had a duty to post something cause I haven’t posted in a while. Ok I also know the song wasn’t out in the forties but idc ok it’s an amazing song and it reminds me of Bucky and if I am having trouble sleeping I listen to it. Feedback appreciated. All my own writing. Gif not my own

Chapter 1 Masterlist

The alarm clock on your end table reads 6:30 am 30 minutes from before your alarm is supposed to wake you up. It’s not that you didn’t welcome the fact that you were up early than usual but you silently curse yourself hoping to fall back into the pleasant dream you were having. Although you had wanted to meet him in real life, not just the dream world you knew that it wouldn’t happen. If he had stayed hidden from you for this long don’t think you are going to find him in a day. You wish you just had something to go off of. Pulling you out of your thoughts is your cat needling into you. Although he was annoying Alpine loved you. You remember the day you got him. It was soaking rain and you had found a box on the side of the road. You decide to pull over to pick up the garbage lying around on the ground. You pull over the road and go to lift up the box and it was unusually heavy you check inside. To your surprise, there was a small white kitten looking at you with blue eyes. From that day on he was the only man in your life he probably senses that your soulmate is in the picture now so he is being an even bigger attention whore.

You may want to go back to the dream realm but your adult life calls. You roll out of your bed and wrap a small blanket you had at the end of your bed because although you had to get up it didn't mean you didn't have to be warm. You treck your way out of your bedroom and into the kitchen. With your blanket draped over your shoulders you silently make your breakfast. A simple bowl of cheerios. Nothing too extravagant but a simple meal. People may say that breakfast is the most important meal of the day but you have always disagreed with that statement. Give you some coffee and you are good to go. Although that was very particularly healthy you started eating actual food at breakfast. Once you finished your bowl you put it in your sink to be later washed. You walk back into your bedroom and enter your bathroom. You strip and step into the shower. Ket the warm water flows down around your back as you listen to music and sing along. Quietly f course even though you wanted to scream the lyrics. Once you had finished your shower you exited wrapped in a towel and changed.

Slipping into a white low v cut shirt and some beige pants. Walking back into the bathroom quickly dry and straighten your hair leaving just a little bit of wave because you can't fully straighten it. You pull your hair back into a high ponytail leaving two pieces out to frame your face. Quickly, you grab your purse, phone, and keys. Turning to wake towards the door you lock the door and leave to work.

It wasn't a long drive to your job. You worked at Stark Industries. It wasn't the same after Tony died but you still appreciated working there. You and Pepper had become quick friends after bumping into each other in the hallways one day. You were ecstatic for her when she got promoted to CEO. Almost as her first act, she had you instated as her assistant. She gave you fair hours and you didn't mind. There wasn't ever any awkwardness in be between the two of you. Pepper never acted like she was better than you and thank god for that. She was one of the best people you knew she was having a hard time dealing with Tony's death but that was understandable. She had lost her husband and became a single mother. She had the avengers and Happy but it wasn't the same. She had offered for you to meet them time and time again but every time you declined. It's not that you didn't want to meet them. It's just sometimes it's better to never meet your heroes.

By the time you got to the office Pepper was already locked away in her office. You knocked lightly on the door.

"Come in," a voice from behind the door says.

You walk in and notice Pepper sitting at her desk as she normally does but her cheeks are tear stained and her eyes are red. "Hey, you are not supposed to be here before me. You should be at home with Morgan."

"Happy has her. I just couldn't be in that house anymore. Hell, I can't even be in New York without thinking about him. He saved this city. He saved the world. I know that it's silly and selfish of me to hide away from my daughter but I just... I look at her Y/n and I see him. I see his smile, his curiosity, I see the playboy he was before he settled down. All I see is him in her and I-"

"Hey, we can get through this together. Me and you." You walked up to her and hugged her. She hugged you back her arms not letting go. You rub her back soothingly. "It's okay it's all gonna be ok."

"You're right. You're right I just got to get this done. Power through this. This feeling I am experiencing will pass."

You hesitate not knowing what to say. Finally, you figure you should tell her. "I saw him."

"Him? Who him?" She straightened up as she questioned.

"My soulmate. I don't know what made me. I was even planning on it but then I got this feeling that I should try it and well I saw him."

"What'd he say?"

"He said he was sorry. He was sorry but he couldn't love me first. I was desperate so I tried again the next night last night. He said..." You were on the verge of tears "He said he was sorry. That he didn't want to hurt me. That he would agree to see me. Only in the dream realm for right now but it's better than nothing. God, he was gorgeous. His eyes sparkled like ice. I just wish I wish I could prove to him how much I love him even if he doesn't want to let me in. I want him to know he deserves all the love in the world.”

“Y/n you got to tell him. You remember how I was when I found out that my boss was my soulmate,” Pepper's eyes dropped sadness filling her eyes. “Listen it doesn’t matter how cold it closed off he seems you need to make the decision if you want to keep him in your life. If all he wants is the dream world then you move on you’ve got to be the one to make the first move.”

“Your right. I should be allowed to be happy.”

<~>

You were a dream come true. After he pushed you away from you you accepted gratefully back into your arms.

Bucky would spend the rest of his life making it up to you. He couldn’t believe his luck. Back in the 40s when he first tried he couldn’t find you then he was shipped off to war so he decided not to try again just encase but here he was almost 80 years later with this gorgeous soulmate. God, he was a sap. He was ready to change for you.

He had told you that you couldn’t meet him yet and that he only could see you in the dream realm for right now. He knew it was the right call even if it hurt him. Even if he wanted to hold you in the real world but he couldn’t not yet. He needed to fix himself before he let you in. He couldn’t let his past hurt you. You were far too important to him. That’s what he did.

He started taking his court-mandated therapy seriously. He needed help and he couldn’t do it on his own. So when he went to meet you that night he told you about it. He went over to his record player and search for the record. Finally, he found it. A picture of Harry James on the cover he slid the disk out of its paper case. Carefully get placed on the record player and dropped the needle. He knew there were better ways to play the song but he found comfort playing it on vinyl like he had many many years ago.

He practically ran back to his little spot on the floor where he slept and slowly the feeling of falling began to happen.

Once the feeling stopped he looked around to find his childhood home once again. He called out still a bit queasy “Hello,”

No response. That was weird. So he called out once again “Hello,”

Again no response he started to panic. Maybe you didn’t come tonight. Maybe you decide he wasn’t worth it.

A voice broke the anxiety building. “Hey, sorry it took me a bit longer today.”

“Yeah no that’s fine I understand.” He smiles slightly.

“So how was your day?” You asked. God, there was something so intoxicating about your voice. It was smooth and angelic. He could listen to it for the rest of his life.

“I mean it was good. I decided to start taking my therapy more seriously I want to get better for you. How was yours?”

“That’s great. My day was ok I guess I mean I was real busy at work.” You moved closer to him his heart picked up.

“Yeah, yeah I guess it good,” Bucky stuttered. I mean you were incredibly gorgeous but he felt safe in your presence not wanting to lose a second of time with you. Slowly his head started spinning and being brought back to reality “Listen I don’t have much time left we meet here again same time tomorrow. Deal?” His voice hopefully searching your eyes for any sign of rejection to his great fortune there wasn’t any.

“Deal.” you stepped up closer to him kissing him on the lips before he was rudely pulled back into reality. He sat up with a start (like gif).

Groaning and grumbling about how it was too soon to be pulled out of and if he only had more time with you.

Chapter 3

Taglist:

@oceanmermaidwitch

[wienerbarnes]

Much Ado About Nothing (2/6)

Pairing: Bucky x Reader

Word Count: 2,368

Warnings: enemies to lovers, feelings talk

A/N: second part!

MAIN MASTERLIST | MUCH ADO MASTERLIST

Steve and Sam occupy the common room one early morning after a workout. They converse casually among themselves, Sam with a book in his hand and Steve with a newspaper in his. Out of the corner of his eye, Sam sees Bucky slip into the kitchen a few yards away.

Sam clears his throat casually to get Steve’s attention. He glances at Sam, watching as Sam flicks his eyes to the kitchen behind Steve, and Steve gives an understanding nod in return.

“So, Sam, what was it that you told me last night?” Steve says at a low volume, knowing that Bucky’s ears will pick it up from that distance.

“You told me that our very own Geeky is hot for Bucky?” Steve throws out.

Bucky’s entire body freezes at the sound of that. There’s no fucking way on God’s green earth that I heard that right.

“Yup,” Sam confirms, popping the ‘p’, “I never thought that woman would fall in love with any man, let alone Tin Man himself.”

Am I awake right now? Am I alive right now? There’s no way I’m hearing what I’m hearing. Me… and Geeky? And love? All in the same sentence as each other?

“I’m glad, though. I’m glad that she’s fallen in love with a guy as good as Buck.” Steve says, enjoying this knowing that Bucky’s probably on the verge of having a heart attack in the kitchen behind him.

“Well… Maybe she’s just pretending.” Sam argues.

“Could be.”

“But… Man, the way she spoke about Bucky, there’s no way anyone is that good at pretending.” Sam explains.

“Well, what is it that she says?” Steve allows Sam to fish the bait.

“Well, she always tells me that she feels confused about it all. You, know, falling in love with someone she thought to hate this whole time.” Sam begins before his brilliant idea strikes him.

“She says she starts these letters, confessing everything, before tearing them up and starting over. She’ll spend hours on ‘em.” Sam tells him, and Steve struggles to hold back any kind of smile or show of amusement.

Fucking love letters? Is he on another planet or something? Alternate universe? Geeky… His Geeky… Well, not his Geeky, but, his Geeky! In love with him! He’d think this was all a prank of some kind if it were just Sam or Tony, but Steve’s too shit of a liar to pull this off. He puts down the fruit containers he was going to use to make a smoothie, appetite now gone as he concentrates on listening to their conversation.

“She says that she knows he’ll make fun of her for it. And she cries and cries and cries, because she’s done the one thing she always swore she’ll never do - fall in love with a man.” Sam finishes. There’s no way the fish didn’t take that bait.

“And Bucky doesn’t know anything?” Steve emphasizes.

“Not a thing. She refuses to tell him and says she never will.”

“Well, someone should.”

“And what would that do? Knowing that buzzkill, he would make fun of her for it. He’d turn it into a joke and she’d never live it down.”

“Even I’d give him a talkin’ to if he did that.”

“And you’d be right for doing so. I mean, Geeky’s a pretty amazing woman. She’s beautiful, she’s funny,” Sam lists.

“And there’s no doubt she’s virtuous,” Steve adds.

“And she’s incredibly smart,” Sam continues.

“Except for the fact that she likes Bucky.” Steve jokes.

“That’s what I’m saying! Shit, if it were me, I’d marry that girl in a heartbeat.”

“I think I might mention it to Bucky, see what he has to say.” Steve suggests.

“I think she’d die; I mean, she’ll die before he finds out, she’ll die if he doesn’t love her back, and she’ll die if he does and she has to hold back one of her usual insults when he goes to woo her.” Sam explains.

A pause from Steve, “Yeah, you’re right. I should just let it be. She’ll get it over it sooner or later.”

It relieves Bucky that Steve mentioned that last part. All of this is a bit overwhelming; he’s been thinking back on just about every conversation he’s ever had with her now. Were her insults just flirting in disguise? Was he ever too mean to her? Has he been hiding his own feelings underneath these insults because he’s scared? Is she scared too? His mind is going a mile a minute, and only speeds up when Steve adds,

“Or her heart will break. Whichever comes first.”

Great, you punk.

“By the way, I’ve meaning to bring you up to speed on this mission coming up in a month or so, want to go to the conference room to talk about it?” Steve changes the subject, allowing an exit for the two of them.

“We should get Miss Geeky to tell Bucky to meet us there, too.” Sam whispers.

“If he doesn’t at least think about her differently after all that, I’ll never trust our intuitions again.” Steve whispers quietly back to Sam as they walk out of the common area.

Bucky hears them leave but doesn’t make to move from his spot leaning against the kitchen counter.

He’s always been afraid of relationships and commitment in general; a lot has changed socially since the way he was brought up and was taught about love. A lot has changed for him in general, too. He wouldn’t know where to start when it comes to a new relationship. And he knows you’re in a similar predicament.

You’ve never spoken about it, perhaps only to Nat or Sharon, but you’ve had some pretty horrible boyfriends in the past, some that have left some pretty nasty scars on your heart causing you to be the way you are now. Snarky, closed off to men, and overall very quick to shut a guy down.

Nothing of what Steve and Sam said was a lie, either. You are beautiful, very beautiful, actually. He’s always known that; he’s known that since he’s met you. But he supposes it never got in the way of your constant arguing - he can think you're pretty and make fun of you at the same time. And you are nice, maybe not to him, but you’ve shown your loyalty to not only the Avengers, but to the people who have now become your family. He can confidently say that you would do anything for your family. And, as much, as he’d hate to admit it, you’re very smart. Probably the smartest person he’s ever come across, besides maybe Shuri or Banner.

You’re an expert in anything that has to do with technology and hacking, having created the new software used by not only the Avengers, but countless other government agencies. You’ve caught countless things from international terrorists to hidden HYDRA bases to missing people, and more. You’re damn good at your job along with being smart.

Well, being smart, except loving him, apparently.

Why did I ever hate her in the first place? I suppose I hated her because she hated me, but, why does she hate me? I haven’t done anything to her, at least not that I can think of.

As though he dreamed her up, she pops her head into the kitchen, “Against my will, I’ve been asked to tell you to meet Sam and Steve in Conference Room A.” You tell him.

“Oh - Okay, thanks, Probie, for, uh, taking the time to tell me.” Bucky tells her, changing up the insults for once.

“It didn’t take any more time for me telling you than you thanking me. If it was going to take a lot of time, I wouldn’t have said yes to Cap. And, you know my probationary period ended, like, almost two years ago. You can’t call me Probie anymore.” You explain to him.

“So, you took pleasure in delivering this message to me?” Bucky teases and ignores her correction, unable to hold back.

“Ha! Just about as much pleasure as eating garbage straight from the dumpster. If you don’t want to go to the meeting, it’s not my problem.” You tell him before leaving the room.

Bucky smiles to himself, going over the conversation in his head. ‘It didn’t take any more time for me telling you than you thanking me’ is pretty much the same as ‘Anything I do for you is as easy as saying thank you’, in my opinion. Now, if I didn’t think that was sweet, I’d have a heart of stone. How couldn’t I like her? I can’t believe it’s been in front of me this whole time!

Bucky feels a lot better than he did before, heart a lot lighter, too, and he finally makes his way towards the conference room.

...

“Okay! Okay! He told her! He told her!” Nat quickly walks back over to where Sharon is standing waiting for her in the middle of the Avengers garden outside.

Sharon told Nat to find a way to get you out here in order to trick you into eavesdropping. So, Nat got Sam to tell you to look for them out here and that it was extremely important. Important, it is, alright, we’re taking over Cupid’s job, here.

“Okay, remember, we’re only gonna be talking about Bucky, you handle the praise and compliments and I’ll handle the whole he’s in love with her stuff.” Sharon reminds her of the plan.

They hear distant footsteps and begin casually walking down the paved pathway of the garden, making it seem as though they’ve been engaging in conversation this whole time. The both of them can tell by the quick footsteps that are all your own that you’ve now entered the garden and are looking for them.

Sharon and Nat can tell that you are separated from them by a thick shrub, and you should be able to hear them clear enough without them knowing you’re there.

“So you’re sure that Bucky loves her this much?” Nat begins.

“Said so by Sam and my future husband.” Sharon confirms.

“And they told you to tell Geeky?”

“Yes, but I told them I’d hold off on it. I also told them that they should tell Bucky to hold off, too.”

“But, why? Shouldn’t Bucky get a chance to woo and charm Geeky just as any other guy?” Nat asks.

“Sure, he deserves the chance, but it’s just… her. She’s grown to love herself so much; she’s grown so protective of herself that her heart is stronger and tougher than I’ve ever seen. I’m not even sure she’s all that capable of love.” Sharon explains.

“I guess you’re right… It would be horrible if Bucky confesses his love for her and she teases him for it.”

“Her wit is also a lot sometimes, especially when it comes to men. They’re always too tall, too short, too talkative, too quiet. There’s always something wrong.”

“So,” Sharon continues, “I think it’s best to hold off on Bucky telling her anything and save him the pain of getting mocked at.”

“I still think you should tell her and see what she has to say about all of this.”

You stand on the opposite side of the tall shrub, concealed by the leaves and branches as you overhear this conversation. But, you’re not all too sure what you’re hearing. Bucky, love, and you, all in the same sentence? They have to be joking; this can’t be a real thing they’re talking about. Did Bucky put them up to this?

“I always wondered why they’d butt heads all the time. I mean, Barnes is a friend, but he’s handsome, he’s smart, he’s funny. And although he’s been through a lot, he has a big heart. And I think she’s in the same position. Two people who have a lot of love to give, but don’t know how to go about showing it all. So they board their hearts up instead.” Sharon thinks aloud.

Maybe they’re not joking. You have never heard Sharon talk about neither you or Bucky like this; perhaps they really don’t know you’re here and they’re telling the truth. What reason would they have to lie, anyway? Or help Bucky follow through with a dumb prank?

But if they’re not joking, that means that Bucky has feelings for you. Good feelings. Warm feelings. Feelings of love. And affection. For you. From him.

That’s weird to think about.

Why have you never gotten along with Bucky? They’re not wrong in the way they describe him; he’s kind, to everyone except you at least, and it doesn’t take a genius to see that he’s very handsome. You’ve alway admired Bucky as a person, like Sharon said, he’s been through hell and back and still strives to be a functioning human in a world he was never meant to live in. He cares so deeply about his friends and is always trying to see where he can improve himself as a man. Except for in the aspect of relationships, apparently.

“Anyway, I wanted your help in picking some colors for my nail polish for the wedding. I don’t see Geeky anywhere so we can just tell F.R.I.D.A.Y. to tell her to meet us in my room.” The two women follow the rest of the path out of the garden and back into the building.

You linger among the bushes and flowers for a few moments longer.

Maybe you've been harsh on Bucky in the past. Were you using insults and fights as a defense mechanism for your own fear of relationships? Has Bucky been good all along?

Guilt starts to rise in your chest, feeling more and more awful the longer you think about every single thing you’ve ever said to Bucky. You’re not even sure what started your rivalry in the first place, you always told yourself that you were mean to him because he was mean to you, but neither of you ever did anything wrong to each other in the first place. Was there ever a reason for ill feelings besides the lies you’ve been telling yourself?

[imherongraystairstrash]

Defender of Men

Alex Lightwood birth storyyy!! I’m finally publishing it because someone sent me an ask on it, but it became too long, so here’s part one:

“Cecily, are sure you’ll be alright?” Gabriel asked. 

“Jiw jiw, for the millionth time, I’ll be fine.” she said, pushing Gabriel out the door. “Now go do something useful.”

Anna was already outside, leaning against a tree, frowning down at her dress. 

“Anna, gwnewch yn siŵr bod eich tad yn stopio poeni.” Cecily said.

Gabriel looked at her, annoyed. “I speak Welsh, Cecy.”

Cecily kissed his cheek, “Then make sure you do well on what I said.”

Gabriel rolled his eyes and hugged her with one of his arms.

“I’ll be back soon.”

“No, Gabriel.” She said, putting a hand on his chest. “Just have fun sledding with Anna, your nieces and Gideon. Sophie is right next door, if I need anything—which, I won’t—I’ll just call her.”

“Are you sure?”

“I’m not made of glass, love. I’ll be fine. Now go before our poor Anna gets stuck frozen to that tree.” 

Gabriel dropped a kiss on the top of her head before letting her go.

Cecily watched as he walked to Anna, who made a show of pretending to be asleep. He ruffled her hair, stealing her hat in the process and running down the street. Anna laughed and chased after him.

…

“Kit, bach, are you sure you don’t want to go sledding with Anna and your father? I’m sure it will be loads of fun,” Cecily said, once she was back inside. 

Kit furrowed his eyebrows and cast a hesitant look outside. “I think I’d rather stay with you, Mam.”

Cecily smiled, knowing perfectly well Kit didn’t like the cold. “Alright then, fy ngalon bapur i.” (A/N: my paper heart)

Cecily walked to the kitchen and pulled out two mugs from the cupboard and filled them with tea. Before she picked them up, she grabbed a pocket watch that was on the counter and hung it on her neck so she could time her contractions.

When she got back to the drawing room, she tried to set the mugs on the table, but she couldn’t bend down that far. Christopher shot to his feet and helped her put them down, and lowered her to the couch.

“Thank you, darling.” Cecily said, bracing a hand of her belly. She felt like she was at the verge of giving birth, which is never a good thing, as a mother’s instinct is rarely wrong. The first stage of labour takes around fourteen hours, hence Gabriel’s hesitation to leave her at home. Cecily had thought he was being dramatic, but that was before she realized that she was maybe closer to birth than she had thought. Had fourteen hours already gone by?

“What book are you reading?” Cecily said, looking over her son’s shoulder, distracting herself. 

“The Picture of Dorian Gray.”

Cecily scrunched up her nose. She had never read the book herself, but from what she’d heard of, it didn’t seem like a book Christopher would be interested in.

“What a peculiar choice of literature, cyw.”

“Matthew recently read it and said it was at utmost importance I read it as well. I don’t understand much of it, though. I’m also not very fond of the characters. I’d prefer your company over that of this book.” 

Cecily smiled. “As do I, bach.”

Having children was a strange experience for Cecily. She was apprehensive at first, afraid she wouldn’t be a good mother and her children would end up resenting her. When she got pregnant with her first child, she was so happy. 

And when she lost it, she had been so incredibly grief-stricken.

She had felt like she’d already failed as a mother, even though the Silent Brothers confirmed there was nothing that there was nothing that could have been done differently to have saved it, that it wasn’t uncommon to lose a child in the early stages of pregnancy.

That was the cruel irony, wasn’t it? To feel so much regret, to have your child die inside of you, and not know what went wrong. 

They’d tried again, and then she was pregnant with Anna. The whole time she had been so horribly sick, she was terrified of losing another child. This time, however, she’d been pregnant long enough that she’d have to give birth to the child, whether it was alive or dead.

Those months had been the worst in Cecily’s entire life. Not even when her father had gambled away their home in Wales, the one she had memories of running with Will and Ella down valleys, had she felt such despair.

“Mam?”

Cecily shook her head, bringing herself back to the drawing room sofa, beside Kit.

“What is it, bach?”

“Does the baby have a name yet?”

Cecily rubbed her belly. “Not yet. Why do you ask?”

Kit shrugged. 

Cecily suddenly felt a contraction. She started the pocket watch timer and sat forward and breathed deeply to try to relieve the pain. This one felt longer than the rest had been. 

Kit looked at her from over his book, his eyebrows together. 

Once it had passed, Cecily stopped the timer. After a couple of seconds of recovering from the contraction, she looked at the time, and swallowed.

“Kit,” she said as calmly as she could. “Bach, I need you to ring for the Silent Brothers.”

…

Brother Enoch, Zachariah and another brother Cecily couldn’t remember were preparing for the birth. Christopher had helped her up the stairs, before the brothers had come, and was now standing in a far corner of the room, at loss for what he should do.

“Christopher.” She said, motioning for him to come.

“You needn’t be here. I’ll be fine and your father will soon be here. I already asked Sophie to send him here once he stops by after sledding. You can wait outside until then.” 

“But Mam, I don’t want you to be alone.”

“I won’t be alone. I’m with the Silent Brothers.”

Christopher looked over his shoulder at the Brothers.

Cecily put a hand under his chin and turned his face to face her own. She smiled at him.

“Go, Kit. It’s alright. I’ve done this before.” She said with a smile.

“I want to stay here. With you.”

Cecily tried to rub away a smudge on Christopher’s face, perhaps something to do with his most recent experiment.

“I don’t think you do, bach. When people say birth is a natural process, it’s because they’re trying to glorify a process that’s ghastly.” 

Cecily looked deep into his lavender eyes and smiled. “Now go, before I start crowning. Trust me when I say you’ll wish you’d have gone.”

Christopher made to move, but didn’t get up.

“I want to help you. I want to stay with you the way you stayed when I got my first rune.”

Cecily wanted to argue that this was different but she suddenly got a contraction that was long enough she knew she’d have to push at any moment.

Sure enough, Brother Enoch said, you must begin pushing soon, Cecily Lightwood.

“You have to be sure, Christopher.” She said through her teeth. “One-hundred percent sure. And you must stay on this side of the bed, because I don’t want you to see the birthing process. I’ll only let you stay because if not I’m afraid you’ll ‘stress experiment’ and blow up the house.”

Kit nodded quickly.

“Alright then.” She said.

Are you ready to push?

“Yes. Let’s finish what we started, Enoch.” Cecily said, taking Christopher’s hand in her own and bracing herself for the birth. 

…

Congratulations, Cecily Lightwood, it’s a boy. Enoch said in her head, less than half an hour later.

Cecily fell back on the pillows, exhausted. Birth never really got easier over the years. 

Jem came around with the baby in his arms and gave him to Cecily. She swore she saw him stroke the baby’s hair as he walked to her. She smiled up at him. 

“Thank you, Jem.” She said, quietly.

He inclined his head at her and walked away. 

Cecily looked down at her youngest son for the first time. She’d helped other women give birth when she was younger, and had always thought newborn babies ugly, but whenever she looked down at her own, they were the most beautiful and perfect little things in the entire world. She smiled and offered the little baby her finger to hold. 

Like with all of her other children, she felt her eyes sting. There was something about holding her child for the first time that always brought chills to Cecily’s body. It’s not like when she held Anna for the first time, the feeling she felt that her life would forever be changed, but it was more like when Christopher was born; she didn’t feel any fear, just happiness. She kissed the baby’s forehead.

“I wish you could have met your grandparents.” She whispered.

Edmund and Linette had passed away four months ago, and it had been difficult for Cecily not having been able to visit them when they were still alive. Since she was pregnant, she and the baby would be at high risk of death, if she caught the influenza disease. 

She tried to shake off the memory. Right now, she only wanted to focus on the good things in life, not the bad.

She looked up and saw Christopher a distance away from where she was. He must have moved away from her once the baby was out and the Silent Brothers began moving about, preparing the child to be held and checking to make sure everything was alright. Christopher looked at the baby in wonder, one of the first babies he’d ever seen. 

“Come meet your brother, Kit.” She said, holding a hand out.

She motioned for Christopher to sit next to her on the bed and, resting the baby on her chest momentarily, demonstrated how to position his arms.

“That’s right, bach.” She said, lifting the baby to put in Kit's arms.

“Mam,” he said nervously. “What if I drop him?”

Cecily smiled. “You won’t. I have faith in you.” 

She gently placed the baby in his brother’s arms, Christopher looking like he was holding his breath.

“Breathe, darling. It’s just your brother. Look at how much he likes you. He’s already reaching out to you.” The baby’s hands were indeed opening and closing slowly. Cecily helped Christopher adjust his arms, so that he was supporting the baby’s head better, and when she sat back, she felt a pang in her chest at seeing her two sons together. Christopher had a soft smile on his lips, the smile that many people had told her is the same as her own. 

Sometime after she’d put the baby in Kit’s arms, a Silent Brother told her she needed to push out the placenta, so that they could begin healing the tears induced by the birth. She nodded and when she began pushing again, Kit looked up, confused. 

“Is there another one?” He asked, surprised, his eyes wide with curiosity.

“Heavens, no. Thank the Angel. It’s just the placenta.” 

Christopher still looked confused. 

“It’s nothing you need to worry about, bach.” She reassured him.

…

The Silent Brothers were gone by the time Gabriel and Anna got home.

Cecily had been feeding the baby, and Christopher was reading a book on his back, keeping her company. He’d given up on reading The Picture of Dorian Gray, had switched it for a book on science. Cecily had tried to read a couple of sentences, but was deeply confused by them, not being able to understand a thing. 

“I don’t know how you can read that, Christopher. I can’t follow a single sentence, much less the entire book.”

Kit looked up at her. “It’s not that hard, it’s just that Biology is interconnected, so you have to understand the previous concepts to understand this one.”

Cecily laughed. “You put a lot of faith in me, Kit.” 

Christopher tilted his head to the side. 

“What are you reading about now?”

“Genetics. Why children come out looking like their parents.”

“There’s an explanation behind that?” She asked.

“Yes! We all inherit half of our genes from our mother and half from our father.”

“Are you sure? I can’t imagine your father inheriting anything from Benedict.”

“It’s more so to do with physical traits.” Kit explained. “Like blue eyes or green eyes.”

“That’s quite interesting, bach.” she said.

And that’s how Cecily got a lesson on genetics. She was happy to listen to her son talk happily about science and to have her new baby in her arms and be able to kiss his tiny, soft nose and occasionally ruffle Christopher’s hair.

…

“By the Angel, Cecy.” Gabriel said, coming inside, worried. Both Anna and Gabriel had a lot of snow on their coats. They must have come home running after hearing the news. “Are you alright? Is the baby?”

“Yes, yes. Stop worrying.” Cecily said, holding up the bundle of blankets they’d hidden the baby inside of.

Anna’s eyes widened as her eyes landed on the bundle in Cecily’s arms. “Is that the baby? It’s so small.”

Cecily nodded and Anna walked quickly to kneel beside the bed and smiled at the baby. 

“Hello.” She whispered, touching his cheek lightly.

“This is your new brother,” Cecily said, smiling at Anna.

Gabriel leaned in over Cecily’s shoulder, close enough that she could see his face as he smiled down at his youngest child. He put a hand on her shoulder, and kissed her temple lightly while Anna cooed at the baby. 

…

A few moments later, Anna was sitting on the armchair across the room, holding the baby for the first time, Christopher standing to the side, letting the baby hold his finger.

Gabriel leaned close to her and whispered, “what do you think about Alexander?”

Cecily turned to look at him and smiled. “Alexander?”

Gabriel shrugged, brushing her hair away from her face. “I was thinking about names while I took Anna sledding. I tried to come up with names for each letter of the alphabet and I got to ‘Maxwell’ before I thought of Alexander.”

Cecily looked back at her children, interlacing her hand with Gabriel’s. “What made you think of Alexander?”

Gabriel shrugged. “Maybe the letter ‘X’ that they have in common.” 

Cecily felt her smile grow wider. “I love it. Alexander.”

She felt Gabriel put his arms around her and she rested her head on his warm chest. 

“The birth wasn’t that bad, was it?” Gabriel said, his voice lightly amused.

“Go to hell.” Cecily mumbled against his shirt.

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[darkwingsofimagination]

I have like a million important stuff to do, but since I need to take my mind off things for a while let me take you on another Madre Sólo Hay Dos ramble post! You know the drill, SPOILER ALERT!

I decided to rewacth the show like in less than a week after seeing the first time, however I kept postponing the last episode, anyway I finally ripped the band-aid off last night. And here are some things I want to talk about:

1 - the kitchen scene between Ana and Mariana.

I think that Mariana was on the verge of telling Ana that she had kissed her, would probably play off as just a joke and blame on the alcohol and the drugs - even if I do think she knew or at least felt it was more than that - but as soon as she saw Ana's face on the whole existential topic she looked like she forgot about it and was just so worried (and once again, thank you Paulina for the best facial microexpressions I've seen in a while.) And I love how she just drops everything to accompany Ana to the hospital and I feel really bad for her for keeping her mom's secret (yes, I know she could've told her, but I already talked about my views on this, so I won't press on this again).

2 - Pablo and Elena scenes

I really think these two could be very good friends to each other and Mariana if they get their heads out of their asses (and heal their broken hearts). I loved how Mariana didn't even think twice before refusing to live with them because Ana needs her and even she didn't seem so sure about her feelings she looked pretty certain about not being away from Ana.

After Mariana refused moving with the two of them because of Ana, it was becoming obvious to Elena there was something going on between them, after all she did see Ana kiss Mariana, but since she wasn't sure she added fuel to the fire and talked Pablo into talking to Mariana - do I think she meant for him to propose? I don't think so. I do think, however, that she just wanted to be sure she - both of them, really - hadn't lost Mariana to someone they never saw coming and it was so different from both of them, from Mariana herself, that they wouldn't even know how to begin to "compete" with Ana.

I did really like that not for one moment she felt like maybe accepting Pablo's proposal (and not just because I want her and Ana together, but also for how it showed some growth and maturity from her. I don't agree that she ever sent him mixed signals, she was always very clear with him that she not did want to go back, but I do like the certainty she showed while rejecting him, without hesitating, without second guessing herself) and the way she said she was not the same and nor was still in love with him, it was really well done, and it seemed to pave the way to help her realize other feelings.

3 - Ana and Mariana's scenes before the baptism

I loved how both of them came to an agreement quickly and easily of what they would do for the girls. But also I love how a) Mariana was the only one to know about Ana's cancer and respected her and kept her mouth shut (at least she can keep secrets); b) the fact Mariana relented in doing something to please Ana, and that Ana compromised in doing something Mariana was comfortable with instead of forcing a baptism for both babies; c) Ana wanting to do another "chin chan pu" looks kinda silly but it's actually really meaningful, it was they decided to go live together after all. D) and this is a bonus: how both of them talked about the babies future (imagining how to explain why one was baptized but not the other) and never for once considered that they (moms and babies) would be apart - there was mentioning of Juan Carlos not being there but never that the girls might question who the other were because it just seemed natural to grow up together and as sisters and I found this incredibly sweet and beautiful.

The scene where Ana insists on inviting Tere it's short but it does have two highlights to me and that is Ana taking Mariana's hands in hers - they way she does it, so gently, so careful, caressing and looking into the her eyes - and saying it is very important to her that Mariana's family was there and Mariana looking at their hands together and listening to Ana - she looks like right at tha moment she is remembering Ana saying "te amo" and even if she may not be sure of how she feels about it she does not pull away (and maybe, just maybe a little bit of gay panic because not knowing how she feels and not pulling away is scarier than knowing she feels nothing more than friendship).

Also the scene where Mariana is taking pictures of the babies and the way Ana looks at her once she looks down to the camera and smiles - it was a look of pure awe, love and admiration (I honestly want someone to look at me like that) - and I love how Mariana is oblivious to it, to me it showed that Ana just may be on the way to understanding her feelings, that is if she didn't already and whilst sober.

4 -the baptism

I already talked about their bonding scene which is wedding vows worthy and I think everyone can agree on that (and how it's only then Mariana realizes she loves Ana).

I want talk about 2 scenes and it might get a little language nerdy right now and I just might be talking nonsense due to a lot of stress but here we go.

Once Ana listens to Juan Carlos and Tere and then proceeds to confront him, he tries to hold her arm and she says "let me go".

Now you must be wondering where the hell am I going with this. Very well, when she says "let me go" Juan Carlos had barely touched her so to me this phrase was more than to stop him from trying to hold her, to me it felt like she was maybe pleading (not that she would ever beg, but something akin to it) to him to let her go, let their marriage go, because the damage was done and there was no going back. She could have easily told him to go, instead she told him to let her go, and this choice of words speaks volumes to me because up until that moment, those scenes we weren't certain that would get a divorce, and Ana being Ana she might have tried, which is why when she says let me go I see as way of her excusing herself of the guilt she might feel in asking for a divorce (after all he made her feel guilty about working and about ending 20 yeas of marriage whe he was the one who cheated first and never tried to understand her).

When she confronts Mariana about knowing it and the girl tries to get close to her she says "no te acerques" which means "don't come close".

Which I feel like it was something similar with JC, 'cause when she says to her not come close she could easily have said "closer", because the physical distance would help her bring her walls up once again and she could have sent her away right at this moment, she doesn't and keeps pouring her heart out on how betrayed she felt, however Mariana cuts her out by not only getting closer but also kissing her and when she asks "¿qué haces?", "what are you doing?", I don't think is not just the shock of being kissed but the shock of how even after asking and after building her emotionals barries up once again Mariana kept defying and breaking them - and her, in a way.

And the fact that she sent Mariana away after the kiss and the "estoy enamorada de ti" also says a lot because 1) there were a thousand thoughts running through her head already, she might have cancer, she resigned from the job she loved so much, and having to deal with the fact she knew her husband mistress, (not to mention he never said when they were together, so she must have thought it was after the babies were mixed up), and a betrayal from her best friend, she was overwhelmed; 2) I don't think she was 100% sure of her own feelings yet (almost there but not there yet); 3) even if she were I don't think she was expecting Mariana to love her back; 4) she really believes she may be dying soon so she might find it better to push the girl away now than to have her suffer more in the future, even if it means she will suffer a lot more - without her best friend, her other daughter and a failed marriage.

And thanks for coming to another of my TedTalks on Madre Sólo Hay Dos.

[neutron-stars-collision]

The Art of Inversion

Neil x Reader

Chapter 19 - Holy Ground

Masterlist; Chapter 18

Summary: In the days before the mission in Tallinn, you and Neil have a few conversations to clear the air of doubts. Only, the mission itself proves to be a disruption...

Warnings: Swearing; mild violence.

Author’s Notes: Here we go, my favourite mission (and favourite Neil outfit too). This is only part one of the Tallinn action because so much happens... as you’ll see. I’m sorry. I really am. Hope you enjoy and please leave me feedback if you feel like it!

Song mentioned is: ‘Holy Ground’ by Within Temptation (I’ll share it in a post later but basically listen to it after reading and you’ll know why I’m obsessed)

Edit is courtesy of my amazing friend @sh3tani​ once again (ilysm and thanks for everything 💕)

The upcoming days were busy. You have been assigned the task of getting hold of some of the vehicles and artillery TP wanted for the heist in Tallinn. It was difficult, not only because it is actually rather hard to acquire a fire truck with no records left from the transaction, but also because you barely had any clue what you were actually doing. And so, most of the time, you were sat at the dining table in the flat, calling various shady people Neil gave you contacts to. Sometimes, a tea would appear in front of you, courtesy of the other team members thoroughly apologizing for how they handled the ‘alley situation’.

It seemed like your late-night walk and the cold treatment you gave everyone (including Neil) for the next 24 hours afterward worked. The jokes have ended, and contrition took their place, usually in the form of extreme helpfulness, random acts of kindness, and, in Neil’s case, a break from teasing. At least for a short while.

The only development you were not so sure of was the fact that the whole team decided to label your relationship. Not just any label but dating, verging on a couple. And that was rather terrifying. It struck you especially the night before when you have minded your own business in the kitchen. Watching over the pasta boiling on the stove, you listened to the plans made by Ives. He was trying to settle on the best way to track Neil during the heist when he suddenly turned to you with a question:

“Has your boyfriend told you what kind of car they are going for in the end?” the neutral tone made you skim over the term at first.

But then your brain caught up. What?! You almost toppled over the whole pot of pasta onto the floor when trying to drain it. Fuck. Ives was staring at you quizzically, as though confused about your current state.

“I… Who?” you stammered out the question, knowing it will only make everything worse.

“Neil” Ives grinned, “Unless you’ve gone for an open relationship and there’s another boyfriend involved”

“Christ, please stop” sighing, you tried to calm down just enough to function “I believe he’s going for a BMW, don’t know what series but something fast enough just in case there was a chase” triumphantly, you poured the sauce over the noodles.

“I’ll need to give him a call about it” Ives smacked his tongue thoughtfully.

“Feel free” using the opportunity, you grabbed the cutlery and escaped into your room.

Boyfriend? Now that was something to cause anxiety. Because despite everything that happened, all the things you have told Neil and got in return, you had no clue what you were supposed to be. Not really. Yes, sometimes you let yourself entertain the idea that maybe you were together, maybe he was your lover. But… was he? Could he ever be that?

With those thoughts occupying your mind, you only managed to last until afternoon the next day before giving in. After failing to contact a car dealer for the fifth time and realising that you have completely messed up the route plan due to forgetting about important details, you closed the laptop. It was hard to think when all your brain did was give reasons for why Neil would never actually want to be with you. To summarise: you were not enough, naïve, hopeless, and dumb enough to think that someone this incredible could think about you seriously. Stifling the sudden desire to breakdown and give up on everything, you dialed his number. He picked up almost instantly.

“Yes, my love?” your heart clenched at the nickname.

“Hi… um… Do you have a moment?” you cringed at the awkwardness.

“For you? Always”

Maybe, on another day, that would have made you smile. But that was not that kind of a day.

“Neil, I’m serious,” sighing, you rested your head on the cold wall behind your bed.

“What’s wrong?” his tone switched from playful to concerned.

Okay… now there’s no turning back.

“I’ve just been thinking...” you started, debating on the best way to breach the topic.

“Oh no”

Damn him. You cracked a small smile, knowing that was the intention. You could almost picture him at this moment, sat in some absolutely strange position in the armchair, nothing but long legs and ruffled hair. You did have it pretty bad.

“Shut up” you took a deep breath and blurted out “It’s probably stupid, and feel free to ignore this but... what even are we?”

There it is. Your whole existence hanged on his reply. But, of course, Neil needed more clarification than that…

“How do you mean?” his careful tone made your heart rate elevate.

The result was a string of sentences you shot out with the speed of a machine gun.

“Because everyone here assumes we’re dating. And Ives called you my boyfriend last night, and I don’t... I don’t know if that’s what’s going on and-”

“Okay, calm down,” he interrupted your rant “Take a deep breath” he waited until he could hear you exhale to continue “What do you want this to be? Because we’re the only people who have a say about it” the diplomatic tone made you frown.

But then maybe he just wanted to get your point of view before saying anything substantial… Trouble was you had no clue. Picking on a loose thread on your sweater, you sighed:

“I don’t know” maybe this was the right time to give him another piece of mind?  “I always hated labels because when you name something, it becomes real” you admitted, letting yourself slide down onto the pillows.

Nothing could hurt you there. Apart from potential rejection from the likely love of your life. Basically, fml, as the kids say.

“What about good things?” his question caught you off guard.

“Well, yeah, but… once there’s a couple, then there can be a break-up” the insecurity had an answer for that too.

Your cheeks heated up upon saying the word. Because even that felt like a step too far. Like maybe you were clingy. Obnoxious. Someone he could want to get rid of as quickly as possible. Before you decided to back out of the conversation, he replied:

“That’s a rather bleak way of looking at things” it was still that thoughtful tone.

A burden then.

“I know” you groaned, frustrated with yourself.

But the next thing he said was rather surprising…

“I’ll need to work on making you more optimistic. Not because I don’t like you the way you are, but because I want you to realise how wrong you are sometimes” the conviction and practical implications of the statement made you speechless.

The future tense. The admission that he did like you, with your countless issues and overbearing anxiety. It couldn’t be, could it? Neil took your stunned silence as permission to say more:

“From my side, let me say that dating doesn’t quite cut it because it implies not being sure... And…” despite yourself, your ears perked up, wanting to know what he meant.

“Yeah?” you prodded, trying to toe that precarious line between curiosity and fear of rejection.

“I’m not really in the trial stages anymore. Don’t think I’ve ever been” he clearly wanted to tell you more but was holding back.

Maybe it was for the better. Before you could think about a response to that, Neil added:

“Basically, we don’t have to use any labels. We’re just us” the simplicity of that statement broke through your resolve, making tears well up “Me and you. We know best what that implies and no one else matters” quietly, you sobbed, and he laughed before choosing to put that final nail in the metaphorical coffin “You’re my love, and that’s the only nickname I need” Neil sounded happy, as though despite your worries, he wanted to say that “I can be your idiot, as long as I’m yours” the punchline came with an audible smug smile.

Oh my god. You laughed, with tears still silently falling down your cheeks and heart hammering in your chest. He was impossible. Absolutely impossible. Suddenly asking that crucial question was not that scary. Because maybe today was the day when would tell you, without alcohol or worries prompting the confession. Taking the plunge, you spoke:

“Neil, do you-”

“Yes, I do,” he interrupted you with an answer.

“I haven’t even asked the question” you frowned, unsure whether that kind of an answer was better than a confession.

Because, yes, he already said it once (almost twice), but both those have been anything but thoughtful. And your ever doubting brain was quick to use that fact against you.

“But I know the answer” he sounded certain.

Perhaps too certain.

“Why?”

“Because I don’t want to tell you over the phone” Neil sighed heavily on the other end “Listen, I have to go… but call me or text if you need to talk” he hesitated before adding, “No matter what I want you to remember what I said that night in London”

Oh… It was the first time any of you brought it up. You just assumed it was one of the things that just slipped out in an unguarded moment. You wanted it to be true, but then that was too risky. But maybe not…?

“I heard you” you whispered despite being alone in the room.

“I know” you could picture the soft smile he sometimes gave you “Goodbye, my love. Good luck with work” at the reminder of the piles of papers still waiting, you groaned, causing him to laugh.

“Will be needed since what you’ve assigned me is close to impossible” the change of the topic was dearly welcomed.

Grabbing the laptop again, you opened it up and felt all the motivation dissolve upon the sight of the route waiting to be planned. Coffee will be needed. And maybe whiskey too.

“I believe in you,” Neil broke your brooding with a comment, “And it’s not really me who assigned it” you rolled your eyes.

“Yeah, yeah. Bye, idiot” unable to stop the grin on your face, you ended the call.

So maybe it was worth calling… Even if only to learn that he was in fact yours. And that he did not mind your insecurity or moments of anxiety. Maybe all this had some more potential than heartbreak and tragedy? Ignoring all the thoughts, you focused on the workload. After all, someone had to get all those bloody vehicles on time for the boys to play with.

*** The closer it got to the day, you could feel the tensions rising within the team. Partially it was your own fault and the fact that you were nervous. The plan was vague enough. What you and Ives’ squad knew was that TP intended to take over the plutonium 241 on the move, specifically on the highway leading out of the city. For some reason, he needed a fire truck and a firefighter suit for that. You had no clue why, but you blamed it on the boyish dreams of being a firefighter. Sure they all had those.

Neil was simply the designated driver and mission coordinator, and you hoped that meant he would stay out of harm. As much as that was possible for an idiot like him. You were not allowed to meet to stop TP from getting suspicious, and so all you could do was rely on texts and daily phone calls to keep you from going insane. The downside of the situation was that you could not slap Neil when he said questionable things. Examples being referring to the heist car as sexy (“And what if I told that it’s not the BMW that’s sexy?” “I’d be flattered”) and calling you his girlfriend on the call with Ives. That second incident resulted in the squad leader acting all smug because he apparently ‘figured it all out’. He did not, but who were you to prove him wrong.

And so, you perfected the plan, finished all the assigned tasks, and waited on instructions concerning the day of the mission. When they came, the message was simple – sit on your assess and wait, just in case the Cavalry was needed. You did not specifically like that ‘waiting’ part. Especially since Ives began insisting that you do not actually join them in the field. In his mind, the safest place for you was the flat. Not being a part of the squad and not having enough experience were the main factors acting against you. And you hated the fact that he was right. That is until the evening before the mission when an unexpected text from TP came. You were busy trying to understand the rules of a strange competition show on the television when your phone buzzed. Expecting something nonsensical from Neil, you picked it up instantly. Only to get shocked by the number on display. The message was straightforward:

“Join the squad in the field in Tallinn. You must be there”

Right… When you were asking the universe for help, you did not expect that. But it was better than nothing.

Without a further ado, you got up and wandered over to Ives, who was sat with Wheeler and Michael at the table. Upon your approach, the Brit looked up:

“Don’t tell me you’ve got some last-minute changes from Neil” his blue eyes were hazed with concern.

“No, I’ve got something better” you passed him the phone and waited for a response.

The widened stare and arched eyebrow was the initial reaction.

“He wouldn’t have sent if it wasn’t important” you added, hoping to win the case.

“I don’t get it” Ives sighed heavily, leaning back in the chair.

He glanced at Michael, who nodded and left the room. You just assumed that the discussion was not meant for any ordinary squad member.

“Apologies for my language, but you’re not a bloody soldier, and it might get rough out there” Ives spoke up again after a beat “And I don’t want to fucking worry about your safety amidst all the other mess” he met your gaze warily.

It was a little embarrassing to be considered a burden. You flinched internally before trying another approach.

“I know, but Neil might need me” as soon as you said the words, Ives scowled.

Of course, that just sounded like a lovesick teenager fighting for a hopeless case. And you hated that. But his very next words triggered the remains of resolve.

“Frankly, darling-”

You broke into a laugh, knowing the quotation well.

“I swear, if you quote Gone with the Wind right now, I’ll do something stupid” as a warning, you grabbed hold of the knife lying on the table, making Wheeler snicker quietly “Please, let me go out there. I can track his GPS signal or something. And well, you know that I’ve got a good aim. It might count for something” pleading was not your forte either but at the end of the speech, Ives’ gaze softened.

Maybe? He sighed once again before leaning his forehead on the folded forearms on the table.

“If you get hurt, he’ll kill me” he muttered gloomily.

“You’re exaggerating” you bit back a dry chuckle.

“No, he’s not” your head snapped up at the sound of Wheeler’s voice “But I’ve got to back you here if TP sent that text, then it’s probably important” she looked at you with a small smile.

“Thank you” you grinned back, grateful for the support.

With the days spent among men almost exclusively, Wheeler’s company meant a lot. Soon she became the only person you were willing to discuss your worries with. Because she was not keen on cracking dumb jokes about your relationship and asked questions that did not only concern Neil. And that was a welcomed change.

“You really need to be careful though, because Neil cares about you. Which probably makes you the most important person on this squad” her voice broke through your thoughts.

You knew she meant well, but the statement still made your cheeks heat up. Because did he really care?

“Don’t. You’re making me all flustered” deciding you’ve had enough of the awkwardness you got up to fix a tea.

“Well, I’m only speaking the truth here” turning back to the table, you saw Wheeler shrug “The physics boy took his fancy upon you, and that’s no funny business” she grinned at your perplexed expression.

Briefly, you glanced at Ives, who seemed to have given up on fighting with you and instead was listening in to the conversation with a neutral facial expression. The kettle boiling was your cue to respond:

“Great” semi-aggressively, you threw the tea bag into the mug poured the water “Did he though?” you asked, not even looking at them or expecting an answer.

“Yep,” Wheeler stood up and gave you a quick reassuring shoulder squeeze.

“I’ve never seen him like this before” Ives added once you turned to face him again.

That tea could not brew any longer…

“Not even with…” you hesitated before adding quietly, “Alex?”

“Not quite,” the man gave you an enigmatic smile, only increasing your frustration “You’ve convinced me though. You’re coming with us. Just please, for the sake of my sanity, be careful out there” you resisted the urge to jump up in relief “Because I’d rather not deal with an angry Neil. He’s a pain in the ass enough” Ives added darkly before getting up and joining you by the kitchen counter.

Smiling, you finished the tea.

“Thanks. I’ll do my best” playfully, you nudged his shoulder with yours “You can always blame me though” picking up the mug, you turned towards the corridor.

“As though he’d care” Ives muttered at your back.

The sudden surge of confidence was surprising yet also inspiring:

“I’d make him care. There are some things even he can’t say no to”

The last thing you heard upon closing the door to the bedroom was Ives choking on water.

*** The Tallinn mission for you began with an early morning phone call from Neil. You got as far as getting out of bed after having been staring at the ceiling anxiously for the past three hours when the phone rang.

“Morning,” you muttered, stifling a yawn.

Espresso was certainly needed. Maybe two, before you would have to head out.

“Hey,” the soft tone felt like a mild punch “I’m glad you’re up already” Neil’s sleepy voice made you wish you could wake up together again.

There was always that slightly husky tinge to it, the way he lazily pronounced some words just because it was early still. So different from the enthusiastic overenunciation when he was preaching another messed up plan of his. Or the cheeky inflections he tended to use with you during banter. It was terrifyingly easy to get to know him that well because of how open he was with you.

“I couldn’t sleep. But it’s okay I’ll manage” you admitted, distracting yourself from the sudden thoughts “I didn’t tell you last night, but I got another text from TP… he wants me to join the squad today”

From the moment you have shut the bedroom door the previous night, you have debated calling Neil about it. But then he initiated another rather amusing texting exchange focusing on his fashion choices, and you felt bad disrupting the peace. It could wait. Not anymore. You held your breath until Neil responded with a simple question:

“Why?” he was careful, and you could not blame him for it.

You perched on the windowsill and looked out at the quiet cityscape. The streets were strangely empty for a weekday morning. Sighing, you answered in the best way possible:

“I don’t know, but Ives said yes after some coaxing, so I might see you out there” smiling despite yourself, you waited for his response.

Since recently you had to rely on phone calls, it became increasingly easy to determine his mood based on the tone of the reply. Or on the various nonverbal noises he sometimes made. Now there was a quiet hum proceeding the sentence. A surprise, mild confusion, and worry. Brilliant.

“As much as I’m happy we might meet… and that you can see me in that sexy car,” you rolled your eyes awaiting the point “Please, be careful. I need you safe”

It was not disappointing. You knew he did not intend it that way, and yet the anxiety fuelled brain was onto it instantly. I need you… safe. Unable to stop the comment, you muttered:

“Just safe, then”

“What?” any hope that he might have missed it dissolved with that single question.

Could he for once not listen to what you say? You know, like men tended to do. But then Neil was by no means an ordinary man.

“Nothing. Don’t mind me” the attempt at saving your dignity failed too.

“I thought it goes without saying that I do need you. And that I want you”

Oh god. At once, you wanted to smash your head into the wall and to kiss the bastard for being the way he was. Adding to that sentence, the mental image of his sheepish smile was enough to make your heart speed up. When the silence stretched, becoming awkward, you whispered a reply.

“It’s good to hear it sometimes” the coldness of the window glass cooled off your blazed cheeks, “Especially when I don’t actually believe it” he knew that by now, undoubtedly.

Here the nonverbal cue was a half-choked sigh. Annoyance. Frustration.

“You should. I don’t go around telling everyone that” Neil’s confident voice was trying to pull you back “And I certainly don’t have moments as we do with anyone else” at the implication, you felt flustered again.

Because there did not an hour go by without you thinking about what happened. The pull between you was startling at times. The absolute desire you felt. The way Neil knew exactly how to make you remember every second of every moment. With the memories flooding your brain, you could only utter a single question:

“Why me?”

It was curiosity. Because apart from that evening months ago when you first tried to make sense of your budding relationship, he never said why he cared about you. And you would never dare ask. But now, with everything that happened, it was worth trying. And Neil was willing to deliver:

“I’m not sure. Maybe it’s because you’re the bravest, kindest, most beautiful person I know” you could only keep on listening with your mouth agape “You fascinate me, and I want to discover all that you’re willing to give me” he finished in a reverent whisper.

That was not what you expected to hear. Not now. Not ever. Speechless, you wondered whether maybe this time it was not a mistake to give your heart away. It was too late. He had everything but your body; that was just a matter of time.

“Neil, I…” this was all you could manage, afraid you would give away another confession.

“Well, you’ve asked,” he chuckled lightly and then asked, “Are you okay?” you could picture that crease between furrowed eyebrows.

“I suppose-” a loud knock on your door interrupted the sentence; it was time, “I think I should probably join them for the final briefing…” hesitantly, you jumped off the sill.

Only two of you could be interrupted during such an important conversation.

“Go, I won’t keep you. Believe me, though, when I say that I want nothing but to be with you. In every way possible” your breath hitched at the connotation behind the sentiment.

Jesus, this man…

“That’s rather mutual,” like a secret you passed it to him on a sigh “But only when you’re not an ass” that was a much-needed distraction for you both.

There was work to be done, after all. You could hear the commotion in the apartment rise in volume and strength.

“I’ll do my best then. Good luck, darling” you grinned at the nickname he was determined to use.

Darling, you could do with. It was better than the ‘love’ that always made you feel like you were just another one among many.

“Don’t do anything stupid I still owe you a few slaps… and a payback” you added the necessary suggestive tone to the last word.

The rest was up to him to figure out. Which he did, if the pleased laughed was anything to go by.

“I’m very much looking forward to all of those” you missed that smirk.

“You should. Bye, my idiot,” you debated saving his number as that in your phone.

Maybe it was the way forwards.

“My love,” laughing, you ended the call when he uttered the words just for the sake of it.

But then that was Neil’s essence – doing things just because. Or to get a reaction from you. And you would not have it any other way.

*** Only when sitting in that bloody SUV, you learned the true meaning of waiting. And how much you hated to do that. There was nothing to do apart from sweating in the protective gear and avoiding the awkward small talk others were susceptible to. The squad has cramped into two non-descript vehicles, and you being the so-called precious cargo, ended up in the same car with Ives who have sworn to protect you. Only, for the first half-hour, there was nothing to protect you from. Apart from anxiety, boredom, and frustration.

Your role was rather simple – follow Neil’s signal on the map to know where you might be needed should he call for backup. As much as you did enjoy the possibility of tracking his movements somehow, you did not appreciate the cheeky smile Ives had on his face when he gave you the job. Or the comment combined with it: “Well, he’s your boyfriend, it’s only fair you keep him on the metaphorical leash here”. That is how the small blinking dot on the map of Tallinn became your sole focus for the past hour. Just before everything kicked off, Neil radioed you with a simple message: The mission is about to start. Wait for further instructions.

Ever since your morning phone call and the revelations that came out, you only exchanged a few texts concerning the practicalities of the action. Despite the nerves, you did hope to see him in near future. Even if just to check whether what he said was true. Looking for a distraction from the sudden thoughts, you glanced at the screen again. They were near, on the main junction of the highway, heading towards the port. Your SUVs were parked underneath a small overpass, five minutes away in the current traffic conditions. Which proved to be convenient, as it turned out.

“Is he still following the set route?” Ives’s question brought you to the present moment.

“Yeah, they’re-” you glanced to double-check the exact location when you realised that something has changed.

The dot was not moving. It was still blinking, but clearly, they have stopped at a crossing. Traffic lights? Your brain somehow knew that it could not be that simple. You opened your mouth to voice the thoughts when the comm came alive on the dashboard with static crackling:

“We need back up here. ASAP”

“Roger that” Ives tossed you the radio “Ask him about the details”

Without waiting for more information, Michael fired up the SUV engine as Ives contacted the second vehicle.

“Neil” you spoke into the receiver “What happened?” you flinched at the louder noise from the radio.

Gunshots?

“We’ve been ambushed by Sator’s people. TP’s status unknown”

Bloody brilliant. Swallowing down the rising worries, you asked another question:

“How many people?” another gunshot pierced the silence.

“Not sure. They’ve gotten clean up orders” a strained breath from Neil told you how bad the situation was.

“Okay. We’ll be there soon” you glanced at the road ahead.

Still, 2 mins to go. Anxiety was threatening to overpower you at any moment. But now was not the time.

“Hurry up” Neil closed the channel with a final dose of static.

Fuck… Forcing a deeper breath, you could only watch as you got closer to him. The sheer thought of something happening to Neil was unimaginable. That was enough to trigger panic. So you pushed the idea to the back of your head, focusing on the distance disappearing.

There was no mistaking the fact that you have been led to the right place. Crashed cars, asphalt littered with glass shards and broken parts, gunshots piercing the air. The destination looked like a car pile-up from an action sequence. Frantically looking through the windows, you tried to spot that blonde head. To no avail. The SUV came to a sharp halt as the squad members began jumping out of the vehicle. Once everyone else disembarked, you moved to follow them, only to be stopped by Ives:

“You’re staying here. I can’t have you out in the shoot-out” his blue gaze was stern, hand blocking exit out of the car.

The idea that you were so close to Neil and could not see him was enough to make you angry.

“I can handle myself. And he’s-” you spit out the words in the face of the squad leader while trying to push him away.

“I said no. The conversation’s over” with a final glare, he stepped away and scanned the horizon for immediate danger “If someone approaches the car, you know what to do,” he threw as a parting remark and disarmed the rifle.

Fucking hell! Groaning in frustration, you kicked one of the seats. He was so close. You glanced at the device in your hand. He could not be further than behind the first line of crashed cars. Biting on your lip harshly, you quickly went over the options. One was to obey Ives and stay inside the bloody SUV like a well-behaved child everyone apparently took you for. No one seemed to care about the vehicles you parked on the outskirts of the action. Flinching at the further salve from the heavy artillery, you knew that the squad had joined the fray. You could be safe here… but… Taking a deep breath you knew there was no possibility you could stay away from the action. Not when Neil was there, potentially in danger. It was not possible to give up on someone that important just because you were told to. Christ…

Glancing through the windows again, you could see Sator’s people attempting to clear the place. The squad evidently attempted to push at them from one side, hoping to get a clean sweep that way. Then, just as you were about to go back to the internal crisis overwhelming your thoughts, you did a double-take. Surely not? You would recognize that hair colour everywhere. There he was attempting what was looking like a skirting manoeuvre to circle the mercenaries with the Cavalry on the opposite side. Only that left him completely uncovered, in the direct line of fire. Bloody idiot. The instinct to jump out and run to him kicked in. The only thing holding you back was the fact that you would disobey the orders. And leave the car unguarded. All the hesitation disappeared once the comm in the car crackled with static:

“Emergency assistance needed. ASAP” the tension in his voice made your pulse quicken.

The lack of response from the team made all the blood drain from your face. You could see him trying to hide behind some overturned car. The henchmen were near enough to get him with no problem.

That thought was all the convincing you needed. Swearing, you quickly pocketed the tracking device, adjusted your protective gear, and grabbed the gun. You have been offered a rifle (just in case), but you preferred the classic. At least it was something right?

In two leaps, you have covered the distance. With the team trying to get through the attack line on the other side, it was just you and Neil. You shot a round in the direction of the approaching merc, missing the target yet earning attention from the main object of your focus. His eyes met yours across the plane. You could see shock, worry, and something else there. Suddenly a salve whizzed past you. The bullets cutting through the air all around, shooting past your head and piercing the car behind. A strangled yell from Neil was a surprising reaction, yet you did not blink twice. He was all you could see. With a final surge through the field, you reached him. The pure fury and anguish in his eyes took you aback. Have you missed something? But there was no time to ask questions.

“Go, I’ll cover you” you whispered, looking at the approaching group of mercs.

Neil took an additional moment to stare at you as though he could not quite believe you were there. But then he jumped up, aiming the gun at the man closest to you. The same that undoubtedly attempted to take you out seconds prior. When the mercenary fell with a bullet in the head, you stared in shock. There was no time to recover as Neil pushed through, barely looking behind at you. It was surprisingly easy to tune out the emotions, taking out anyone who could threaten him or halt your advances. You worked well together, movements in sync enough to stun the opponents on a few occasions. For a second, you wondered whether it was only bound to get better the closer you get to each other. That was certainly an interesting idea… In no time you have met with the line of the squad, watching on as Ives dealt with the last man standing. You have won. The adrenaline started to leave your body, resulting in tremors and shaking hands. Clutching the gun to prevent it from cluttering to the ground, you met the exasperated gaze of the squad leader. Your only response was a shrug. You did not regret the decision, seeing as you have evidently helped them in the field.

“Neil? Do you know where TP is?” Ives took his attention off you and looked at the blonde man.

You followed his gaze, for the first time actually looking at Neil since you spotted him across the plane. At the moment, you were struck by what a sight he was. Navy shirt with sleeves rolled up to expose the forearms covered with veins. The same tie he had on during your walk. Your pulse quickened. The vest drawing attention to the ratio between his broad shoulders and narrow hips, accentuated with a belt. Brown loose-cut trousers and scrapped leather shoes adding a classy touch. You were aware that you were staring yet unable to look away. Not knowing whether to blame it on the adrenaline rush, you wanted nothing but to touch him. Take off those driving gloves that piqued your interest at the first sight. Or have them be wrapped around your throat with just enough pressure. Get rid of the tie again. And…

“Think Sator took him” Neil’s response broke through your increasingly hazy thoughts.

Shaking off the images that started appearing, you looked up at his face again. The ruffled hair and flushed cheeks were not helpful. Fuck’s sake. It had to be stress. Because what else?

“Their place in the port?” Ives asked, his tone nothing but strict business.

“That’s my bet” Neil shrugged, looking around with something dark in his eyes.

He was tense, like a feral animal that could lash out any moment. You were not wrong. The cold blue gaze settled on you almost remorsefully, but before you could open your mouth, he snapped:

“What the fuck were you thinking?” the hostile edge to his voice was new.

You flinched as though you have been hit. The lack of physical impact did not matter. Your heart stammered. He need not explain what it was about. Please no.

“You needed a cover. They weren’t responding, so I did the obvious” you shrugged, feeling the anger grow “And I could ask you the same question” spitting the sentence into his face, you took a step closer.

You have never seen him that furious. Not even in Oslo after your little fuck-up. The sight was both terrifying and alluring. The dark blue eyes blazed with fury. Jaw clenched. Slight pink tint on the cheeks. And yet, still, you had no idea why he reacted like this.

“I knew what I was doing. That’s the difference” the coldness of his voice threw you off.

So it was real. He did mean it. You tried to save him, and here he was, pissed off at you. Making you almost regret it. Almost, because the love was there too. Not giving away no matter what.

“That’s bullshit” it felt good to admit, “You were reckless, as always, and expecting me to-” your rant got interrupted by a strangled yell.

Nothing prepared you for the revelation then. Or the sudden anguish on his face.

“You were almost shot!” Neil’s eyes glistened as though he was close to tears.

Suddenly it made sense. The rain of bullets you were hit with just before getting to him. The way he reacted. But you made it. Nothing happened. So why was he acting like that?

“Almost” ignoring the growing pain in your chest, you pointed out the obvious.

Out of the corner of your eye, you could see Ives and the rest of the squad observing you. You would rather not have an audience, but then Neil seemed determined to drive his point forward. His face scrunched into a pained scowl.

“Fucking hell,” turning away from your gaze, his back tensed even more “You can’t do shit like that just because I’m involved” the defensive tone took you aback.

What? It was getting worse. You could feel the confidence leaving your body as you struggled for a response. You would never think Neil would do something like that. Not after everything you have told him. Figuring out the only way you that could work, you took your own line of attack.

“Who says I did it only because it was you?” the implication hurt because it was partially correct “Quite an ego you’ve got there” his back was still turned to you.

That angered you even more. Crossing the distance, you placed your hand on his shoulder, making him turn to you. He flinched upon the contact as though your touch burned him. Oh my god. The tears welled up in your eyes. It could not be real. But the emotionless look in the eyes you thought you knew was very much real. It was as though before you realised Neil has built up a wall, guarding himself against you. And there was nothing you could do to get through. You got shocked by the cruel smirk that split his face.

“I can see the way you look at me. As though you wanted to-” you interrupted him sharply.

“Neil”

It was too much. Perhaps because it was true. But he was not done. Persistent to keep going.

“Admit it. It’s because you said some things, and now you can’t bear the thought of losing the object of your affection” the careless tone and the words pierced your heart with gut-wrenching pain “Well, you see, sometimes feelings need to be put aside” he added, almost casually.

Fuck. You gasped, unable to keep a straight face. He might as well see what he has done. Some things. So this is how much your confession meant to him. Good to know. You wanted to slap him, but you felt like that could turn back on you. So instead, you made sure to straighten your back, putting on the familiar mask of neutrality. You have done this before. Probably should have expected it. Only why did it hurt ten times more?

“Can we leave the bloody lovers quarrel till later?” Ives’s voice pierced through the tension.

But you were not ready. Raising your hand in a stopping motion, you turned back to Neil. His face was terrifyingly indifferent. Maybe it was all an act. Or maybe it was just that easy for him to get over whatever you thought you had. A lie. Gathering the smithereens of confidence, you forced a levelled tone:

“Says you. As though you’re acting out of reason right now” you gave him your best impression of the sneer visible on his face.

You could crumble at any moment now. Only the pounding in your ears and the wounded pride were keeping you upwards. But Neil wanted to destroy everything.

“More than you” he glanced at the team waiting impatiently “I really thought you’d know better than this” the punchline was more than you could take.

No. Please no. Your knees buckled, and you swayed. But then you caught the flash of concern in his eyes. Just for a split of a second. So it was not all cold and hatred? You heard Ives huff out a string of curses. There was no time for this. Whatever it even was. Honesty it was then.

“Better than to give away my heart to someone like you? Evidently not” you met his eyes for the final time before walking away in the direction of the SUVs.

The shock you saw in Neil’s face was enough to fuel the survival instincts. With the heart broken or not, the mission was still on. And the rest was silence.