#and also that I love nerds and people who have experienced tragedy

[utilitycaster]

God you're SO correct for your tags on the reblog of your Fjord post. Like...I am huge fan of Liam's (and Taliesin's) characters and I know I can be obnoxious about them at times but I just...I just do not get people who always have to paint their faves in the bestest most hypercompetent light. Do I enjoy hypercompetent characters? Yes! But not if they're hypercompetent all the time! There needs to be a balance to these things and D&D especially, where the possibility of failure is baked into the bones of the game structure and failing forward is mechanically very important is just not the right medium of choice for any who want to avoid it. Be open to failure, embrace failure, and learn to enjoy characters being pathetic at times. How could the taste of victory and cool successes ever be so sweet if we don't see them trip face first into a puddle of mud after smacking their head against a low hanging branch before??

Thank you! I truly cannot remember if I made this in a post or if I just talked about it offline so I apologize if I repeat myself, but like, for Liam especially? Yes, there is that deep sense of tragedy throughout, but the reason it hits is because Vax, Caleb, and Orym, are, on some level, also silly little guys. Liam himself gets it - in one of the Watch Parties for TLOVM he mentioned that the reason why Grog and Scanlan's arcs in season 2 are so good is that you're used to seeing those characters as mostly comedic, so it means something when the bottom drops out! The reason why Caleb's backstory reveal works as well as it does isn't just the story; it's that we've already seen that he can be quite loving and very sarcastically funny ("you look like a nerd" and "how much you drink is on you" are both stellar early Caleb lines), and all that falls away. If Caleb had truly been constantly sad and morose, instead of experiencing a wide range of joys and tragedies and successes and failures, he wouldn't be such a good character.

Like...the problem with the Mary Sue archetype isn't that it's a competent women. I love competent women. I hope I am one, at least some of the time. It's that the character is thin and flat as paper because there's no range, it's just one note perfection and success. And you're completely right - D&D is a medium where failure is part of it, so the character is also pulled out of the medium and just...lays there.

[question-why-not]

Ok, so i happened to watch Panda's tiktoks on how to possibly canonize the Jason Todd vote, and it gave me an idea for what a really good live action Under The Red Hood movie could potentially look like? Like, my idea of what could potentially make for a GREAT big screen adaptation.

Small minor point first, i don't personally agree with Panda's interpretation that the vote would give Jason another thing to be livid at specifically in the "why are these people involved in the death of a child still walking?!" way, because i like it when Jason, for all his ruthless brutality, doesn't go after just anyone, not even after really shitty people. Rather, he only goes after the worst of the worst, people who cannot be stopped any other way in the DC setting, and\or those who have done something so heinous, that their victims will never feel safe so long as they still walk the earth. On the other hand, i do think it would make a great reason for Batman going brutal & reckless on all of Gotham in general, rather than only going after Joker, AND i think that while it wouldn't lead to Jason wanting everyone who voted "yes" to die or anything, it COULD be a great way to further justify Jason's disillusionment with Batman's methods and his broken faith in humanity in general.

Now that that's said, here's my idea:

It should be a long movie, in my opinion, Interstellar-long or longer, i believe, in order to really do the story justice. The UTRH storyline shouldn't just be brought up from nowhere, the viewers need to become INVESTED in Jason & in the fundamental conflict of UTRH first.

How does one do that? Have the first part of the movie be about Robin Jason Todd, and use that part of the movie to get people invested. Get the viewers absolutely IN LOVE with Jason, make it so that the viewers end up crying at his death, even if they knew it was coming. Get the viewers flat-out emotionally adopting this wonderful, golden-hearted child, who has experienced so much hardship in his short life, and came out the other end wanting nothing more than to help people. One potential way to help do that, which also helps get the viewers invested in the main conflict of UTRH, as well as add another layer of tragedy to it all? Have Batman friggin' lose it on a criminal, someone who's done something heinous, something we all UNDERSTAND Batman losing his cool at... And have Jason be the one to save that criminal's life from his wrath. And don't stop there! Have Jason become a major part of that criminal's rehabilitation after that, have Jason himself be the one to prove to Batman that anyone can be saved, have Jason SUCCEED at rehabilitating this heinous person into someone genuinely good, someone who regrets their past actions and does significant good in the world to atone for it.

Then? Potentially Garzonas. Definitely Joker. Warehouse. Vote. Do the vote exactly as Panda described in his tiktoks. Use that moment to absolutely break the audience alongside Jason. Have both Jason and the audience start out hopeful, then desperate, and finally, disillusioned and broken. Take this wonderful, hopeful child, take the hope and sheer faith this child has instilled in the audience, and break them. The warehouse goes up in flames.

Then, and only then... Under The Red Hood. i have some ideas there too on what to include or not, and this whole movie idea would only work with terrific writing and acting, to get the audience truly invested and immersed even though they know what's coming.

But yeah, that's the core of my idea on what a truly amazing big screen UTRH adaptation could potentially look like. Thoughts?

[mistwraiths]

3 stars

The Last Hours has to be the most dramatic, messiest, frustrating trilogy CC has written so far. It's funny to me particularly since I didn't like TID much nor do I like Will Herondale or Tessa, but I don't remember being particularly so frustrated. Chain of Thorns is a better book than Chain of Iron in my opinion, it doesn't feel as long and boring as COI did. But there is still FAR too much unnecessary drama and miscommunication to this series.

For me there was only three characters I loved very dearly and were rooting for the entire time. Grace Blackthorn, Alistair Carstairs, and Christopher Lightwood. I loved Grace from the beginning and I will defend her with my dying breath, I loved every part she had in this book. Alistair has come a long way and I loved his character arc. And then, tragedy struck.

I KNEW someone was going to die. There's always a death of the main group, I knew it was coming. My money was on Matthew. It honestly made sense to me that he, being one of the unconnected to another character except for James, along with him suffering through withdrawals and going to Edom where he was not expected to go. It would have been a bit poetic since James' father Will had experienced something similar. But instead, CC kills off Christopher Lightwood.

I was shocked and furious, and I could have possibly accepted it better if it felt like any of the characters grieved or felt something for more than a page or two and then a half-hearted mention later. You're telling me that someone they've known their ENTIRE LIVES, someone who was so kind and genius, that you can't spare more than a mention here or there or GIVE GRIEF FOR HIM ON ACTUAL PAGES?? Instead, I have to read a whole intermission chapter on someone grieving TWO CHARACTERS WHO ARE ALIVE AND MADE A CHOICE (one they didn't have much choice but still) TO GO TO EDOM??? It felt like a slap to the face, an insult to the character. Grace and Christopher deserved to be a science nerds together. Of course the magic sword conveniently couldn't help heal and Lucie's powers to talk and raise the dead conveniently only worked on specific circumstances.

Okay, now that that's out of the way, let's discuss other things. The whole Belial plot felt super weak to me. He wants to possess James to walk on earth and become King of England?? Sir aren't you a fallen angel?? A Prince of Hell? Shouldn't your goal be more I WILL KILL SHADOWHUNTERS AND BURN THE EARTH or something?? Belial was also just all talk. He hardly ever really felt like a THREAT. Like oh shit this guy is going to SLAUGHTER people. I did like the part of him burning through the hosts because that felt horrific and violent and proper Prince of Hell stuff. Also the whole traveling to Edom's capital was very boring.

The whole Cortana sword having some paladin bond to heal the wounds it creates felt so ridiculously contrived and stupid to me. I can get behind a healing sword. I can get behind the sword only healing its paladin. But only healing the wounds it creates is so silly and only felt necessary to have this plot finished with the HEA intact. I knew James wouldn't die since we learned that he's alive to see Will pass away from old age. But honestly??? I think it would have been a very good ending if he had died. It would have had an impact.

Cordelia was overall a very average heroine for me, I don't think she's particularly my favorite mostly because of the drama and lies and miscommunication and pride/fear of being pitied. For the life of me, I don't understand why Lucie and her became parabatai. What deep friendship do they have because we certainly see no evidence of it. I did like James and Cordelia a little better when all that nonsense was finished, but again they don't have chemistry to me and their bond seems only physical to me.

I think I was a bit irritated that I'm being told after the bracelet is broken and done having been a plot device for two books, that it has had all these effects that we don't particularly get to see. Most everyone didn't understand James being in love with Grace but like... Grace was also secluded from everyone and they knew he spent summers with her. That to me personally isn't enough evidence to say "the bracelet kept you from considering it". Like I would have liked to see some examples of them thinking about it and becoming fuzzy or distracted or something. Also, we don't really get a chance to see James BEFORE the bracelet so telling me it utterly changed how he was/acted gives me nothing if I never knew him in the first place??

My heart goes out to Matthew it does but again, it very much felt like he didn't have much of an importance to the whole story. Which again, begs the question why wasn't he killed. It just blows my mind that Belial just allowed him to stay.

I actually really loved Jesse in the first two books but not only was he kind of boring and pushed to the side in this one, his attitude towards Grace really pissed me off. Jesse more than anyone should know how awful his mother could be and Grace was a CHILD and had to live with her. When she tells him everything, he reacts so poorly. Like, of course he can be upset, but GRACE IS YOUR SISTER AND A VICTIM. Like??? It made me so angry. Even Cordelia had better grace than her own brother.

I'm happy that Grace, Alistair, Thomas, Anna, and Ari get to be happy. Justice for Malcolm Fade in this book. I understand the whole interrogation thing with Tessa and Will and the others keeping such huge secrets. We know the truth that they are well-meaning but no one else does. There is a huge favoritism and lying doesn't give anyone a reason to trust. Would it have caused tension to be truthful? Yes. But it would have allowed trust and good faith. But of course obviously it all happened very conveniently to get everyone authoritative and Jem out of London and The Silent City so no one could stop the kids.

Overall, this book at least felt like everything was moving forward at a better pace and it was an okay ending.

[tectonicduck]

Top 5 het ships?

Okay so this isn’t technically het ships because some characters are (canonically or in my head) bi, but this is what I came up with. Sorry I had to sit and think about this for like a full day before responding lol.

HONORABLE MENTION: Moira and Johnny Rose, Schitt’s Creek

There is just something so appealing about being wacky and silly and in love for decades.

5: Helga Pataki and Arnold Shortman, Hey! Arnold

This was my first ship before I even understood what ships were. I related too much to Helga and her ~interesting upbringing and wanted them to get married. The start of my enemies to lovers (tho obvs not lovers, because they are 9, but you know what I mean) obsession.

4: Leslie Knope and Ben Wyatt, Parks and Rec

Nerds in love. My wife and I used a quote from their wedding in our vows because we are #basic.

3: Penelope Bunce and Shepard ???, Carry On Series

Fanart by the amazingly talented @vkelleyart

Okay so they are not actually together but might be heading that way. Penny’s ex calls her a tornado while dumping her, and Shepard is introduced as a storm chaser. We honestly don’t even need to learn his last name because he’s changing it to Bunce.

2: Eleanor Shellstrop and Chidi Anagonye

WOW I have so many feelings about this relationship like literally I tear up when I think of them. The whole choosing each other over and over again and growing to be soulmates? Ouch, my heart. (Also Chidi making the sexy mailman calendar is peak romance, literal #goals) (Also also I’m not joking looking at the pic I chose for them is making me cry)

1: Angela Moore and Shawn Hunter, Boy Meets World

Girl Meets World is fake, these two obviously reunited post-Europe and are still together and happy as clams. Seeing a relationship where people could show the ugliest parts of themselves but still be in love was honestly formative to me as a child. Like I honestly don’t even have the words, I just love them so hard. 😭

[nevermindirah]

To take the Nile Marine Discourse veering off in another direction,

Why did Greg Rucka make her a Marine? Because his characters' only superpower is that they can heal and revive from any wound or injury or illness or whatever. They don't have superhuman strength or speed, they're regular people whose only superpower is healing, and they happen to be nearly-superhumanly-skilled warriors because they've been warriors for centuries and millennia.

This dude made Nile a Marine because she'd have to be a trained warrior to hang with such experienced doers of violence, right?

This dude got from point A, my creations' only superpower is healing, to point K, therefore they're exceptional warriors, because Greg Rucka assumes that before a certain time in The Past, pretty much all people were violent. I too was raised on Lord of the Rings and Arthurian legend and all that shit where those who don't live by the sword can still die from it. But, like, was the past really all like that, or is that just Western myth to make modern white people feel civilized by comparison?

Was Yusuf actually a skilled swordsman from go, or was he just a poet-accountant starting to take over the family merchanting business when a terribly timed business trip to Jerusalem forced him into pretty extreme fight or flight mode? Maybe Nicolo killed Yusuf many times before Yusuf figured his way around a sword enough to kill him back, because Nicolo got trained in invadering and Yusuf was doing the 10th century version of me sitting on my couch writing essays on the internet.

I have a lot of empathy for Nile the character who chose to become a Marine because that's how the US economy works and because if she lets herself really think about the lie of American exceptionalism that means her dad died for a lie and that will break her and she could probably put herself back together eventually but OUCH NO THAT WOULD HURT THINK ABOUT SOMETHING ELSE GOTTA GO ENLIST NOW.

And I have a lot of empathy for Gina Prince-Bythewood who is so talented and has a platform but is still a Black woman in Hollywood and you can only rock so many boats at once before they throw you overboard so she went with Rucka's Marines as neutral framing and rocked other boats instead. Or maybe that's me giving her too much credit. I fucking love her work, but does she have a decolonial analysis? Does it enrage her what our country's military does to people in other countries and especially the people who live in Afghanistan? Maybe. But maybe not.

My appreciation for Greg Rucka as creator of characters who now live rent-free in my brain is non-zero, but my skepticism of his politics is very high.

Let's go back to that point A to point K math. The starting concept: regular human people with one superpower, healing. What are all the possible ways a person, a group of people could spend centuries of their time devoted to? What would make an interesting story for these characters' creator to tell? What would make the world a better place for these characters and the world of their narrative?

Shot in the dark here, what if, instead of regular human people with superhuman healing become superhumanly experienced warriors, what if they spend their centuries and millennia becoming superhumanly experienced historians, storytellers, sages.

Like, can you IMAGINE having a group of people who have spent hundreds and thousands of years listening to people talk about their experiences, learning how to get people to trust them with their stories, learning how to share their own stories and other people's stories with skill and care? By the time Nile, the art history grad student whose father died in Afghanistan but then the US government finally passed reparations for slavery so she got to go to college instead of joining the Marines, becomes an immortal these people are internationally respected and beloved holders of human history. Nobody's going to capture them and lock them in cages because people would RIOT and every restorative justice collective on the planet would be Holding Those Captors Accountable. (If Nile lives in a world where reparations and restorative justice are public policy in her country and many others, where the Old Guardians didn’t let colonizers get away with writing all the history books, would she have grown up in a world where the Afghanistan war even happened? Would the United States even exist? Would countries exist? Would slavery have been abolished globally and for all time even before that piece of shit Columbus was born? I’m gonna stop myself before I write another meta post within this already-way-long meta post but holy shit y’all this could change EVERYTHING)

The real world isn't always as violent as fiction makes it out to be, and fictional worlds could be way, way, like staggeringly way less violent than the real world if their creators chose for them to be.

Anyway Andy the paleo-zoologist (she was alone for at least a thousand years she befriends a lot of animals ok), Quynh the spinner of tales (romance! mysteries! comedies! the occasional tragedy but not too many because why be sad if you don't have to be! and also spinner of the most stunning cloth any human being has ever seen in their entire life holy fashion historian batman), Joe the poet with such kind eyes no one can resist telling him their secrets, Nicky the quiet and watchful man who notices what others don't even notice about their own lives, Booker the publications technology nerd (inks! printing presses! handwriting! forgery is a science y'all!), and now Nile the 21st century art history nerd who holy shit has somehow won the lottery because she gets to join this group of people who hold a vast trove of knowledge from so many times and places across human history in their forever-regenerating bones.

[frightisms]

. * . ⌜ hugh dancy, 44, cis male, he/him / mr crowley by ozzy osbourne + coffee stains on wrinkled button ups, whispered secrets that never see the light of day, long nights spent over curled pages⌟ hey, have you met 𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐎𝐃𝐎𝐑𝐄 𝐖𝐇𝐈𝐓𝐋𝐎𝐂𝐊 yet? they’re a 𝐂𝐎𝐌𝐏𝐔𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐒𝐂𝐈𝐄𝐍𝐂𝐄 𝐏𝐑𝐎𝐅𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐎𝐑, and have lived here for 𝐒𝐈𝐗 𝐌𝐎𝐍𝐓𝐇𝐒. i wonder if their tendency to be 𝐈𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐋𝐋𝐈𝐆𝐄𝐍𝐓 and 𝐒𝐄𝐂𝐑𝐄𝐓𝐈𝐕𝐄 is why people call them the the 𝐇𝐄𝐑𝐌𝐈𝐓? they claim that they 𝐃𝐎 𝐍𝐎𝐓 believe in the supernatural, but rumor has it that they might even be a 𝐇𝐀𝐋𝐅-𝐃𝐄𝐌𝐎𝐍 (𝐄𝐍𝐄𝐑𝐆𝐘 𝐁𝐀𝐋𝐋𝐒 & 𝐒𝐌𝐎𝐊𝐈𝐍𝐆). wouldn’t shock me in a town like salem.

BASICS

FULL NAME : Theodore Joseph Whitlock

NAME MEANING:  The name Theodore is of Greek origin meaning “gift of God” or “divine gift.”

NICKNAME / ALIAS: Theo, Teddy, various forms of ‘that one teacher’

GENDER / PRONOUNS: Cismale | He/Him

SEXUALITY: Pansexual

AGE, BIRTHDAY + ZODIAC: 44, October 30th, Scorpio  

PLACE OF BIRTH: San Francisco, CA

ACCENT : American

OCCUPATION: Professor of Computer Science

SONG: Mr. Crowley by Ozzy Osbourne

APPEARANCE

FACECLAIM: Hugh Dancy

HEIGHT: 5′9 1/2′’

EYECOLOR: Brown

HAIRCOLOR: Brown

BUILD: Dad Bod City

TATTOOS / SCARS: One scar on the side of his neck, a tattoo on his wrist he keeps covered with a watch. 

PERSONALITY

POSITIVE TRAITS:  Passionate, Intelligent, Patient, Observant

NEGATIVE TRAITS: Secretive, Passive Aggressive, Reserved, Anxious

RELATIONSHIPS

PARENTS: Annabelle (Mother, whereabouts unknown) & Anthony Whitlock (alive)

SIBLINGS: An older half sister, Ophelia (alive)

CHILDREN: None (that he knows of). 

PETS: One orange Tabby cat, Simon.

ADDITIONAL INFO

‘ A turbulent childhood left you in fear of your own shadow, a constant undercurrent of terror plaguing you that turned out to be something of a premonition when tragedy struck at too young an age. A fearful upbringing then gave birth to a troubled teenager, although you cannot remember half of what they say you’ve done. They called you unruly; dangerous. A threat. You’ve been in and out of therapists offices and hospitals more than most people have in a lifetime. Eventually, after being medicated, the trouble stopped. Voices and murmurings that seemed to become louder in the dark disappeared. Your thoughts became clear, but dull, but at least you no longer had lapses of memory. Though now the terror is back, hidden in the recesses of your mind, although you cannot pinpoint why. You’ve developed a love of things that keep you distracted and away from people who could possibly see something in you that you’re too afraid to face. Computers and technology have always been easy to understand, and easy to fix. That is until you took the job at the local college, where technology ultimately led you to a reality that was far more confusing and terrible than even you’ve experienced. Despite how your heart constricts when you see things out of the corner of your eye - brief glimpses of the dark, there’s also a curiosity. A familiarity that you can’t help but notice. You start to wonder if perhaps these occurrences are more personal to you than professional. But you’re too scared to question it; to look into them deeper. You’re not sure what’s a scarier truth: if there’s an evil attached to you, or if you’re the evil yourself. ‘

FUN FACTS Of course he wears glasses. The Velma, if you will. To the outside eye, Theodore just seems like a mild mannered nerd/scaredy cat. He can keep to himself, fearing getting too close to anyone, but I imagine he has a soft spot for his friends even if he can be withdrawn into himself and HATES being the center of attention. He can usually be found wherever it is quietest with his laptop. He wears headphones, but usually with no sound. They’re really so no one talks to him, but that can only fool people for so long. He lives on his own a few blocks away from his workplace in a one bedroom apartment with his cat roommate, Simon. He’s maybe the most lively when he’s teaching; he has a genuine love and joy for his students, because teaching is something that’s become a safe place for him. He’s good at it, and he sees the good it does in others. He still has trouble sleeping at night, though. Terrible insomnia has him living off of coffee and pre-packaged sugary goods to get him through the day. Subsequently he has a Dad-bod, but that’s in these days, so it’s cool. More often than not he may seem keyed up, or clearly anxious, but does have moments where he can actually have a sense of humor. It can be hard to pull that out of him, though, especially as he has a tendency to withdraw into his own mind.

[deliciousscaloppine]

Hot takes galore 2: A brief overview of fandom backlashes that influenced fanfiction writing traditions as I have personally experienced them.

In this segment we examine...THE INDOMITABLE MARY SUE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So, as I was entering fandom in 2008 (Bleach, a manga by Kubo Tite), the hottest, sweattiest discourse pertained perhaps to Mary Sues. I thought the hatred of Mary Sues had completed its cycle and it was dead and gone in our days, BUT I happened upon a post that said that we are all stanning Moxiang Tongxiu’s OCs (original characters), in a sort of admonishing tone, and I couldn’t help but smile.

For back in the day, OCs, were termed self-inserts at best, and if they were a female protagonist that would sideline the canonical cast of characters then they were Mary Sues. And there were as many people hating original characters, and Mary Sues in particular that I remember sitting up all night thinking on whether I should post or not this fic that had some OCs in it that were there to just deliver some messages.

And of course this bled into accusations of writing canonical characters as basically “original characters” or “self-inserts���, by use of the term “ooc��� (out of character). Personally, I thought this was over, but recently Riri accused me of disregarding the existing characterization and turning the CQL characters into my own original characters...for KINKY HAVOC IN VOLCANO PALACE!

An unjust accusation, I feel, Riri, because I do my damnedest to maintain characterization even under the wildest circumstances. 

People were looking to extend their enjoyment of the existing characters and story, and for some reason fanfic authors could come under fire for not catering to that, and writing for their personal self-fulfillment. 

And there were as many people writing oc’s and Mary Sues as there were people hating them, and the writers for it. It was chaos, there were journals (i was in livejournal) devoted to roasting mary sues, laughing at authors etc. If you came in fandom after me, you live in much much gentler times, and perhaps you have the Mary Sue to thank for that, because the Mary Sue kickstarted a lot of fandom feminist discourse.

Back in the day they usually determined “Mary Sue” as an overpowered, female character, whom everyone loved even though she might not be particularly charming (by whose standards?), who was adept at everything, knew everything, felt everything etc. 

The thing is that Mary Sues did not seem to exist only in fanfiction, but everywhere around us, whenever there would be a project film/show/comic/book that had a strong female protagonist.

And that was because fandom and male nerd culture were intertwined. Anime, games, comic books were heavily “invaded” by swaths of girls who were not quite fulfilled by corny pop stars, or saccharine rom coms, and seeing that there were no female power fantasies available in these media, they created their own.

It was a very interesting time because if you remember, Marvel Movies started getting made around that time, riding on that convention power, which was dominated by male nerd culture - and that is why they gave so little screen time to female characters, because the demographic was pretty thoroughly examined and they were found to dislike any and every female character that was not there to validate the male character’s cishetero sexuality (YEAH BABY)

I mean women, actresses, female characters had a good portion in media, and the marvel cinematic universe and its imitators pretty much sidelined all these people very aggressively. Male stories started exploding and taking over during this time, exploiting that very vocal male nerd demographic. 

But where is the backlash you ask, because so far we’ve only seen the oppression. 

I saw a lot of writers struggle with the validity of the female character, and then the validity of female writing. They conflated writing female characters, as writing without examining themselves, or attaining a neutral voice and a role of representing accurately reality (lol). Writing Mary Sues was bad writing, and at some point all women were Mary Sues.

...So can you guess what happened?

A lot of these people turned to male slash in order to cope. Before the Mary Sue hate, male slash was a considerable but not dominant piece on the fanfic pie, which was mostly dominated by main het ships. Male slash was already enjoyed by female heterosexual audiences, but it started gaining more and more traction until a term was coined (shipping goggles), and accusations were once more flung: that fangirls will ship any two white dudes - not untrue. 

This audience was not very friendly to actual gay people. There were all sorts of strange views passing before my bespectacled eyes at the time. People proclaiming that they loved yaoi (i was in manga, so this was the term used), but would not watch gay porn, and thought gay people were gross. And in the case where gay people were in fandom these people often complained of not being included/invited in fandom activities, or having minimal readership from groups that promoted male slash, but not gay writers.

This is why I often say fandom is not a friendly place for lgbtq people, because this type of audience still exists, even if it had to suppress their discomfort and assimilate the rhetoric of allyship at some point. And sadly a lot of people who dominated these early discussions about fandom becoming more lgbtq friendly since it consumed such relationships in media, managed to set this climate of dishonesty where everyone is pro-lgbtq in theory, but not in action.

Meaning a lot of stereotyping that is not endemic to actual lgbtq communities. Like top-bottom (most people are verses), whiny bottom, subby bottom, violent top, aggressive sex, hypersexual gay characters, almost complete erasure of bisexuality, lesbians what are they?, a complete and absolute fear in portraying trans characters, suppression of genderfluidity, accusing people of writing male gay characters as female characters as a form of wish-fulfillment or supposed homophobia.

A while ago I saw this article asking why lgbtq people are so mean to each other that confused me thoroughly, until I remembered this call out phase that happened a while ago and still goes on, where everyone blames everyone else of abusing and gaslighting them, friendships falling out etc, which is not at all the reality of older lgbtq scenes, because these were not formed online under this climate. 

And because fandom is a vehicle for self-exploration a lot of people to this day conflate consuming lgbtq relationships through media as being lgbtq themselves, or these “actual” relationships being set as these other fictional “idealized” relationships. Whereas in older lgbtq scenes a lot of people come into them by realizing their attraction to actual, real, live people and not characters, or hot celebrities.

I am not saying that current lgbtq people who discovered that about themselves online are lying, or lying to themselves, but they definitely came out in an environment of fake acceptance, and have a hard time reconciling reality with that lie of acceptance through no fault of their own, of course, because they never developed the language and the understanding that language brings in order to communicate amongst them. The characteristics were set by a group outside of them that might be pro gay marriage, and having a cool gay friend, and the inherent tragedy of homosexuality or something, but are not really for it - as a very wise queer eye contestant once said. 

And so every trespass by their own people, becomes a proof of this generalized rejection with tremendous consequences for young people’s mental health. YOU ARE BEING GASLIT IT’S TRUE - but not by your own people, it’s just a miscommunication going on there.    

BUT WHAT HAPPENED TO THE MARY SUE. She changed. She stopped seeking love, sex, and power, or at least pretended that she did not want any of these things, or did not understand them, she stopped speaking, and became more stoic so people wouldn’t judge her opinions, and finally one day she went on to accomplish great things, because women seeking representation was also a pretty set demographic, and somebody could and would exploit that!

The Twilight Saga, Fifty Shades of Grey, even Hunger Games, are the media progeny of the Mary Sue powering through the entirely of male nerd culture. In a whole decade where people wanted Marvel to release a Black Widow movie, there have been three major spy/action girl movies that did very well in the box office, and since producing and releasing a movie usually takes three years, i’d say the audience was heard loud and clear - even though not by Marvel. 

And the side girls in these Marvel movies, or other action movies, became more and more badass - they all went from damsel in distress, to saving the hero, and of course the male characters were subsequently “queer-ified” until everyone was finally happy, and nerd culture was exposed as having been infiltrated by neonazis and that’s why it was making those unreasonable demands for no women ever in the first place.

And everything was right in the world, except that it was not. Because...girls had also been infiltrated by “neonazis”. A lot of these media, and a lot of these “white” Mary Sues, fall under many conservative criteria. Conservatism being a nice word for fascism. 

A few examples is the person of color always dies, or is brutalized, or is admonished constantly even as they shadow the protagonist in order to reinforce their inherent radiance. Characters who might be poc in books or in the anime (hur hur), are whitewashed in the visual media. The women are almost never comfortable with sex or romance, always thinking about the future and amassing power, not for themselves, but for the benefit of the resistance, or the family, or any other entity they belong to. And of course they are forever incredibly flawed - as opposed to idealized versions of male heroes always on the side of good for the right reasons! Also a minimal cast of women, with one woman being the protagonist, and the rest functioning as side characters or mostly antagonists.

So every time you feel a slight trepidation for not being the right type of lgbtq for writing something that is not strictly anal, or fear to include feminine characters, every time you erase yourself from the narrative it is it, the spectre of the Mary Sue coming to haunt you with a “We won, what more do you want?”  

[captainstressed]

Written for Day 19 of @whumptober2020 Prompt: Mourning Loved One Fandom: Stargate SG1 Characters: Samantha Carter / Jack O’Neill / Daniel Jackson Word Count: 1,509 AO3

note: set sometime after 5x21 Meridian but there’s no specific timeline. includes brief call backs to previous episodes 1x13 Fire and Water, 2x02 In The Line of Duty, 3x17 A Hundred Days, 3x18 Shades of Grey.

Not one of the trio could pinpoint the exact moment things changed between them, they had always been close as a team, being the flagship team of the SGC demanded such a rapport. It had been easy to play down any feelings that may have risen between them for the first few years, they spent so much time together and usually in such dangerous situations that knowing their backs were being watched by people who felt such a way only worked to put them more at ease.

They had been through so much together that it made sense, to them at least, that they'd turn to each other when they needed someone to confide in, or. Jack had made a point of organising regular team nights as a way to blow off steam after their off world missions, these had been going on since their team had been assembled.

As time went on, it became not unusual for the three of them to meet on nights that weren't scheduled as team evenings. Their positions in the military prevented them from ever being able to divulge the goings on during their unofficial team get togethers but that suited them fine. They were all well aware that Daniel wasn't technically military but he knew the risk for Sam and Jack and cared too much for his friends to ever put their careers or reputations at risk.

If Teal'c had noticed a change in his teammates professional relationship over the years then he chose not to comment, he would be forever grateful to Jack O'Neill for the chance he took on him and to Samantha Carter and Daniel Jackson for never making him feel like less than part of the team, part of a family. Their happiness in turn brought him happiness and only made their team, if possible, even stronger as a unit.

They were all well aware of the potential dangers they faced each time they stepped through the gate, the possibility that no matter how hard they fought, one day, one or even all of them may not make it back. It was one of the many reasons why they chose to lean on each other and not pursue outside relationships, it didn't make things any easier for the others when something happened to them but they at least understood.

When they thought Daniel had died on P3X-866, the tragedy alone was enough to make Jack consider retiring again, but he had also felt a surge of protection for his second in command. After an initial hiccup, namely him being a jerk off, they had quickly found themselves forming what Jack had hoped to be an unbreakable bond and with a hole being blown in that bond, he needed to make sure Sam knew that he was there for her. Not just as her soon to be ex commanding officer, but as a friend too. After finding out Daniel was in fact alive, his relief was overshadowed by the guilt he felt at the fact he had left his teammate behind. He'd offered Daniel his spare room once they had brought him home and made sure he truly was ok, his apartment had been let go after his death and Jack's place seemed like a logical suggestion whilst they worked through finding him a new place to live. Daniel had accepted the offer, he'd stayed at his place after his initial return from Abydos too and although Jack would never admit it if asked, he quite liked sharing his space with the nerd.

Sam's run in with Jolinar had taken a toll on them all, Jack couldn't begin to explain his feeling of helplessness as he watched Janet perform CPR on his second in command. He'd tried to keep his composure but had felt a rogue tear slip down his cheek as he stood with Teal'c, if the Jaffa had saw then he acted as though he hadn't which Jack had been grateful for. The Tok'ra had given her life in order to save Sam's but not before invading her mind and body and leaving her feeing violated. Neither Jack or Daniel had any idea what Sam was going through and had to put aside their own desires to be there for her in order to give her the space she needed to process what had happened herself. They had made it clear to her that they would be there for her in any way she needed, whether it be from afar or by her side.

Jack's stint on Edora had threatened to derail everything that had been building up between the three of them, Sam had worked herself into the ground trying to bring him home and when they were finally able to get to him only to find he'd all but accepted his new life, had even met someone, it stung, not only on a personal level but also a professional one. Jack hadn't been aware of just how far Sam had pushed herself in order to get him back and Daniel had confronted him shortly after his return to fill him in. Sam had prioritised freeing the stargate above all else, she'd rarely stopped for a break unless Daniel brought food to her or forced her to sleep with the promise of waking her up after she'd had the bare minimum of rest. The two had grown closer over the months Jack had been trapped on Edora which only worked to anger him further when after finally reaching their leader, Jack had actually considered staying rather than returning with them. They had argued about Jack playing happy families whilst the rest of his team worked their asses off to bring him home. Looking back, Daniel wondered if Jack would have been more willing to back down or in the very least apologise to Sam had he not been caught up in what they'd later find out to be an undercover op, or maybe he was just more of an ass than Daniel had first thought. A wedge had been driven between Jack and his team and although respect was a given for someone in his position, earning back their friendships had been a long but worthwhile road.

They'd been through so much over the years and despite the ups and downs they always ended up back at each others side. Daniel's ascension had rocked the team to its core, created an unfillable void in their hearts as well as on SG1. The knowledge that he wasn't technically dead should have given them some sort of relief but it didn't, sometimes it made them feel worse, knowing that he had chosen to leave them, to ascend to a higher plane of existence like some sort of god. It was possible that he would return to them one day, or perhaps he wouldn't, they didn't know where he was but it didn't stop them from holding on to the smallest ounce of hope. It had been one of the reasons Jack had given when he had told the others he'd bought Daniel's apartment. After the incident years previous where they had been led to believe Daniel had died on P3X-833 and his apartment had been let go, Jack hadn't wanted him to have to deal with the same issue if/when he returned home. It was a valid reason that no one questioned and it wasn't entirely untrue, he had bought it for that purpose should Daniel choose to return to them some day but it had also become a meeting place of sorts, when SG1 had experienced a particularly hard mission or just missed Daniel or just or they would end up there, sometimes they went alone, sometimes together, there had been a few occasions where one had shown up and found the other already there. This particular time it had been a joint decision to spend the night at their friends apartment, the place remained untouched for the most part, just how Daniel had left it, aside from the few areas used by the visitors, the kitchen, living room, bedroom. The latter was where Sam and Jack found themselves that evening, most nights spent at Daniel's ended up in the bedroom, especially the ones when he had still been there with them.

The pair were the epitome of comfort beneath the thin sheets, Sam's head cushioned on Jack's shoulder whilst his arms wound tightly around her. Neither had said a word to each other for a short while, enjoying the others company whilst their thoughts drifted to the only other person they'd wish was with them in that moment.

"I really miss him Jack."

Sam's voice cut through the silence, she closed her eyes as she felt the rise of tears and a small sigh escaped her when she was unsuccessful in holding them back.

Jack shifted beneath her, leaning down to place a kiss into her hair, he took a moment to gain control of his own emotions before responding.

"Me too Sam."

[bakudekuficlibrary]

Do you have any fics where bakugou is disabled? Yalls blog is sooooo wonderful, and I love yall sooooo much. 😍😍😍😍😍😍💚💚💚💚💚💚💚

Hey there! I’d like to note firstly that I’m able-bodied and I’m definitely not an expert on what is or isn’t a disability. I’ve tried to include all the physical and non-physical disabilities I could find. If I’ve been offensive or inconsiderate in any way here, please let me know.

- Jay

1 Series. 38 Works. 

Physical Disabilities 

The Way You Used To Do by edema_ruh( T |298,721+ | 18/? )

“We’re really sorry,” his father says, in a teary-eyed, wobbly way. “But your friend, Izuku, he’s… He’s gone, son.”

Katsuki can do nothing but blink up at them for moments that feel like an eternity, eyes darting between both his parents in obvious confusion, disbelief, and, more than anything, indignation.

“What the fuck are you two talking about? The damn nerd is standing right beside you!”

During a battle, Midoriya gets hit by a villain whose quirk detaches his soul from his body. Stuck in a ghost-like state, the boy enters a race against time in order to save himself from permanently dying. Much to his luck - or lack of it -, the only person who can see and talk to him in his state is no one other than Kacchan.

Alternatively: Deku and Kacchan have their souls bound to each other.

[PTSD]

[On Hiatus] That’s That by Fif Sold Her Soul( T |26,079+ | 8/? )

After receiving a life-changing injury that leaves him unable to do any hero work, Bakugou does the best next thing to save face and hide his condition from the world; He becomes a teacher at U.A

Easy right?

Apart from dealing with his rambunctious homeroom class, the new and annoying as fuck generation of villains, his new protégé, and his crippling self-esteem issues, and his crush on fucking Deku, all while hiding his condition from the world, then yeah pretty easy. Not.

Bakugou suddenly has a fuckton respect for Aizawa.

[Abuse | Suicide Mention]

Missed Connections by Labellevita( M |9,765+ | 3/5 )

Deaf Uni student Bakugou can’t catch a break, but he does catch the scent of a fantastic smelling omega.

Dull by choimarie( G |714 | 1/1 )

day 2: your eyes

“What? Never have seen a hot dude before?”

SeriesPart 2 of Bakudeku week 2k18

Tired by igrewupwiththis( Not Rated |10,980 | 2/2 )

Bakugou is just so exhausted, and he needs someone who takes care of him. y'all already know who it is.

Let’s Start Over Again by BrightEyesEren( T |4,107 | 1/1 )

Ten years down the road. Izuku and Katsuki went their separate ways, living their own lives, until they meet again after a tragic turn of events.

Izuku realises how fragile fire actually is.

love is blind (and deaf) by kagehinataboke( T |789 | 1/1 )

Izuku hesitantly opens the door, wielding an umbrella and ready to square up against a mugger. but it’s only one of his neighbors: a new one, in fact. Izuku faintly recalls him moving in a few weeks ago, but one unfriendly glare was enough to stop him from approaching.

he discreetly drops the umbrella behind the door. “can i help you?”

— a bakudeku one-shot

Thought So by zuccin( G |771 | 1/1 )

Midoriya watches Katsuki walk away as he remember the sorrowful past. And he’s glad everything turned out in the end.

I guess… I’ll just… fuckin’ read this by TheGeekProblem( G |1,533 | 1/1 )

Izuku works the graveyard shift in a diner and he’s really tired. A group of people come at 2 a.m. What could go wrong?

Senses by Phayte( E |22,294+ | 6/? )

In a freak accident through battle, Bakugou loses his sight. This is the story of his struggle, downward spiral, and the friends that get him through it.

Everything Before Mourning by hollyandvice( M |15,527 | 1/1 )

“Whatever this is has got you running scared, Kacchan. If it’s got you scared, it’s got me terrified. So please, just… just tell me what’s going on.”

Kacchan runs a hand over his face, suddenly looking old and tired and nothing at all like what Izuku is used to. It makes the tension in Izuku’s chest go even tighter, as though trying to suffocate him. Izuku bites back the fear that wants to spill over his tongue and tries to just pay attention to Kacchan.

Whatever this is, they’re going to get through it together.

When a fight with a villain has longer-reaching consequences than Kacchan expected, he calls on Izuku to help him through. Izuku doesn’t quite know what that will entail, but he knows he won’t back down from this. Not from Kacchan. Not ever.

Am I Ready? by Ryxmas( G |6,226 | 1/1 )

Even after one and a half years after his disappearance, Izuku never really stopped thinking about Katsuki. After all, Katsuki always had a habit of barging into your life, even if you never expected it.

No Warning by DeafBakugou( G |10,375 | 1/1 )

Bakugou survives a natural disaster and has to navigate the world without the normal accommodations he depends on as a Deaf individual.

Finding Out and Confessions by Needle_In_A_NeedleStack( G | 605 | 1/1 )

Bakugo is deaf, that’s why he’s always so loud. He hasn’t told anyone. So when Midoriya Izuku accidentally finds out Bakugo’s secret, how will things change.

Lost The Fight by Katt1848( T |1,733 | 1/1 )

Every Hero remembers the first time they weren’t able to save someone. This is Katsuki’s.

transfigured night by bittermoons( M |6,044 | 1/1 )

An unexpected hospital trip changes things between Izuku Midoriya, age forty-four, and his longtime roommate, co-parent, and co-composer, Katsuki Bakugou.

Migraines and Emotional Pains by Leonidas1754( G | 1,212 | 1/1 )

Bakugo gets migraines often, resulting in going home early and Midoriya taking care of him. Said migraines also often result in thinking too much about himself and Midoriya, and how much he simply doesn’t deserve Midoriya’s love. Thankfully, Midoriya still knows how to handle him.

[Abandoned] An Internship by Aizawa_mf_Shouta, Qnonymous( Not Rated |2,954 | 6/? )

Bakugou isn’t happy, and it only gets worse.

hole in the wall by imanimoon( M |1,214+ | 1/? )

The camera’s perspective shook as the holder zoomed in on the hero. Maybe they were hoping to catch the moment in which Zero would pull himself to his feet with gritted teeth and then, in a vicious roar, promise the demise of his opponent before seeing to it. As he always did.But he’d barely moved a muscle.The sound crackled on as someone yelled out to the hero before cutting off right after.“Why isn’t he moving?”What seemed like hours could only have been mere minutes before the camera caught someone’s faint whisper, their voice coated in trembling disbelief, “I-I don’t think he can.”

It’d been years since Japan had experienced a tragedy of this magnitude. Some even called it “The Leveling,” villains unleashing havoc around the city leaving hundreds of civilians dead, numerous buildings grounded, and even heroes brought to their knees.

When Bakugou awakens in a hospital without the ability to walk, he believes his life is over. He doesn’t know how he’s supposed to retain his number one hero status as a “cripple”. It isn’t until his childhood friend re-enters his life and shows him firsthand that Pro-Heroes aren’t the only ones who can save people.

[Ableism | PTSD]

Champion by DirtyDeku( M |575 | 1/1 )

Hiya!! This is based on a few roleplays I’ve had with my dear friend!! I hope you all enjoy it.

[Rape/Non-Con]

Non-Physical Disabilities

[Series] Schizophrenic Bakugou by masteremeraldholder( T |22,496 | 3 Works | Complete )

In which, Bakugou Katsuki has schizophrenia, and how he deals with it in everyday life.

[Suicide Attempt | Self Harm | Panic Attacks | Ableism]

Longing for Clarity by sushisama( E |106,663+ | 16/23 )

Slice of life AU. Check notes in first chapter for more specific details.Katsuki is in his senior year, and though he’s dealing his own questionable mental condition, he can’t help the excitement of the upcoming graduation. But his boyfriend, Izuku, has been acting strange, being almost a little too intimate. They come to find out that Izuku is going through the fermin, a predicament certain Quirk holders go through. Now Katsuki is being forced into considering relinquishing the secrecy of their relationship, if only to keep all he wandering eyes from Izuku.

SeriesPart 1 of Fermin Story

And You Got To Me by hopeboiwonder( M |17,547 | 4/4 )

Katsuki’s need to immerse himself in something that wasn’t his new day in day out routine of working and sleeping leads him to discover a coffee shop in the middle of the night. Cafe Yagi.

Izuku’s hair billows and bunches, chasing after him like a salty, green ocean wave; churning up crests of bright shimmer from the light above. His eyes brown bowls speckled with rich golden rings around his pupils; and remind him of the thin film of crema on top of a freshly pulled espresso shot…

Needless to say, coffee hasn’t left his mind since.

Crash by Storyofanotakuslife( T |2,089 | 1/1 )

Bad days aren’t unusual for Katsuki, he’s learned to handle them the best he can. Which usually means alone. But bipolar doesn’t care about your feelings, and for once he’s actually willing to accept some outside help.

(Can be read as platonic or romantic bakudeku)

Izuku’s Home for Wayward Pets by glamour_weeb( E |50,436+ | 11/? )

Izuku works at the Bureau of Companion Protection as a rehabilitator for abused and abandoned Companions, animal-human hybrids. He’s seen his fair share of cruelty cases and even fostered a few Companions, but he’s never had a Companion of his own, until now. After rescuing Katsuki from a life in an illegal, underground Companion fighting ring, Izuku must take in the wolfdog that no one else can handle.

Eventually, Katsuki comes to love his new home, as well as his new Master.

[PTSD | Past Abuse]

be loved by bonnia( T |5,403 | 1/1 )

They sit there, in the darkness of the common room, about a few centimeters between them, but miles apart. Somehow, the quiet is companionable. More than it has been in many years. Katsuki knows he’s responsible for the rift between them, and he knows even more that it can’t only be Deku who attempts to mend it.

“Hey,” he says, after a while, and Deku turns to him in question, but Katsuki refuses to look his way. “Touch me again.”

(or: the kidnapping incident leaves bakugou traumatised about being touched on the back of his neck, and midoriya decides to take matters into his own hands)

[PTSD | Panic Attacks]

new eyes by WabiSabi( T |56,645+ | 16/? )

Katsuki wakes up 22 years in the past.

With no other choice, he moves on.

(Or where Katsuki tries to mind his own business and fails spectacularly because he can´t stand people pissing over those who gained his respect. Even Deku. Especially Deku.)

SeriesPart 1 of Decrescente

[PTSD]

The Absolute Truth by Glon_Morski ( E |67,078 | 5/5 )

“What words did you say, exactly? Share with us. Show us how much of a monster you really are, Ground Zero.”

I told him…

‘Shut up!’

…that I have a time saving idea for him…

‘Shut up!’

…that if he wants to have a quirk that badly…

‘Shut the fuck up!!!’

…he should take a swan dive off a roof and hope for a quirk in his next life

The pain blooms on his throat this time as the characters that write the answer carve themselves into his skin. It doesn’t feel like a scalpel cutting through his skin this time. Nor does it feel like his skin is breaking on its own after being stretched too thin. Instead, the experience is akin to having his throat literally shredded, as if a million of tiny, jagged claws or teeth are digging into his flesh and pulling at it to brand him with the words.

This time, Katsuki screams.

A.K.A In which Katsuki is captured by villains who want to expose him as a ‘false hero’ (as per Stain’s ideology) and use a truth serum-like quirk to do it.

Mind the tags.

[Graphic Depictions of Violence | PTSD | Panic Attacks]

[On Hiatus] You Were October Nights by AlchemyandHeroAnalysis( E |27,728+ | 4/? )

Across the locker room, tucked into the small corner of the wall separating the changing room and the showers, sat the Bakugou Katsuki with his knees drawn up to his chest and his head tucked in his arms. If Izuku hadn’t heard him, he probably would never have seen him to begin with. But he could. He could see and hear everything.

Please, don’t be real.

His gut twisted painfully as Katsuki’s broken sobs echoed against the concrete walls. His entire body shook with each desperate wail that escaped him. It sounded as though he was in complete and utter agony, painfully vulnerable and without any remote sign of stopping.

Summary:Izuku stumbles upon an emotionally distraught Katsuki in the agency locker room and is horrified by what he sees. What could have possibly happened to make his childhood friend this … broken?

[Rape/Non-Con | PTSD | Abuse | Self Harm | Addiction]

I Could Never Know A World Without You. by Kasplode( M |45,800+ | 9/? )

“Stay back, Deku.”

Izuku doesn’t listen. That decision leads to his death.

In a twist of fate that entwines him irrevocably with Katsuki, it turns out their time together isn’t over yet.

(OR: the bodysharing wonder duo AU where Izuku is kidnapped along with Katsuki, and the combination of unprecedented quirks leads to unexpected results.)

[Graphic Depictions of Violence | PTSD | Panic Attacks | Dissociation | Abuse]

Letting Go is the Ruffest Thing by SurelyHeavenWaits( T |5,541 | 1/1 )

For Bakugou Katsuki, storms bring change and never the good kind. Those howling winds and driving droplets of rain spell the end of an era for him, every single time.

Until this storm.

This storm brings Deku.

[PTSD]

[On Hiatus] Lost and found by Sad_Pawn( T |12,329+ | 6/? )

Katsuki is finally back after being taken by the League of Villains. However, he seems to have lost an important piece of himself. Can he recover without it?

Midoriya is so relieved that Kacchan is back and safe. But when he visits him, he immediately notices something is terribly, terribly wrong. Can he help restore his childhood friend's hope?

[PTSD | Panic Attacks]

Fix Me by goateyes( E | 8,901+ | 3/? )

After an important mission goes south Bakugo finds himself in the hospital suffering from a severe injury. His agency forces him to go to physical therapy where he meets his therapist Midoriya, love (and chaos) ensues.

[Graphic Depictions of Violence | PTSD]

ghostin' by chaoticheroes( G |1,583 | 1/1 )

“I’m proud of you.”

“You’ve said that already, dumbass.”

“Yeah, well, I am. Proud of you, that is.” Katsuki rolls his eyes and tries to turn his head away but Izuku presses his hand to his cheek, forcing their eyes to meet. Izuku can’t see clearly but if he could, he knows Katsuki would be matching him with the same intensity that he’s known for. “I have every right to be proud of you. I love you. You having issues that are a little bigger than the both of us changes absolutely none of that, Kacchan.”

[PTSD]

The Bonds that bind by EloFromMars( E | 2,818 | 1/1 )

Izuku is excited, tonight is their anniversary. He had planned everything. Or so he thought.

[PTSD | Panic Attacks]

[On Hiatus] Routine by strawberryflavoring( M |1,714+ | 1/? )

Bakugou isn't good at handling himself, and Deku's been too busy to see him getting worse. So, as you'd probably expect, Bakugou flips shit.

[Rape/Non-Con | PTSD | Self Harm]

[dross-the-fish]

You are way to passive about controversial topics. It bugs me how you skirt around social issues or problematic content. Lip service isn't enough. You can't just say a movie has problems you have to be willing to criticize media and stop consuming it.

Is this about Anastasia? 

Are you mad because I didn’t pick the movie apart and go into a nerd rage about how Anastasia actually died with the rest of her family and Rasputin isn’t an evil zombie? Are you mad that I didn’t make some kind of drawn out commentary about the fall of Russia’s imperial monarchy and the rise of the soviet union. Did you want an essay on Tsar Nicholas II and why most historians think he wasn’t cut out to rule? Or did you want me to comment on the fact that he was antisemitic and a believer in  The Protocols of the Elders of Zion an anti-jewish text that would eventually be used by the Nazis as propaganda during the Third Reich? Are YOU even aware of these things? Because in my experience most people who try to lecture me aren’t. They tend to view the assassination of the Imperial Russian family as one of history’s great tragedies. 

And it was. The murder of an entire family is certainly nothing to glance over. But people always view it without any kind of political nuance or even a drop of awareness of the events that lead up to it. Some people have even compared it to the tragedy of Anne Frank, which I disagree with completely given the historical context. This was not a black and white issue, the Romanovs were NOT simply the victims of a horrible crime they were casualties of a revolution. The movie leaves this out too because frankly it’s a children’s movie based on a legend. Even as a child I knew this was, essentially, a fairytale. 

Was it immoral or unethical to make this film? Probably, I don’t always know where the line is between art and ethics but at the very least, this film is insensitive and while I don’t think it’s as awful as Disney’s Pocahontas in that respect, it probably still didn’t necessarily need to get made. But I’m glad it did. I can’t say that my ability to enjoy the film isn’t affected by what I know, but I can also watch the movie as something in its own universe and not relevant to reality. 

Look, I like this movie, even with all of it’s baggage this was an important movie to me as a child. I was 9 when I first saw it and that was kind of a magic number age for me because when I saw this movie I was just old enough to really watch it and absorb it. I noticed the gorgeous animation and this movie and the Prince of Egypt sparked my interest in drawing. I wanted to make art that beautiful and while I had been watching mostly Disney up to that point I think I knew, even at that age, that Anastasia was a little more complex. She was the first female protagonist I saw that didn’t just want to find romance, or be discontent with her lifelife in some undefined kind of “I want more” way. Not that there’s anything wrong with wanting more, but most Disney princesses already have a lot, and their abstract longing for more than this provincial life didn’t resonate with me….Belle. 

Anastasia, when we see her after the prologue, has NOTHING, not even an identity. What she wants is to find her family, to find out who she is because she doesn’t even have that much. Right from the start we see her make a proactive choice to go down an unknown path, aware that it’s risky and unlikely to pay off. She’s got one clue and is determined to follow it. And she does, she doesn’t waver from that until she finds her family. She’s not perfectly written but I largely think the writing for her, or at least her motivations is good.

 Dimitri is also a good character and I think his arc is pretty strong and his relationship with Anya is allowed to progress organically. There’s real emotional weight to his decision to reunite Anya with her family and forgo his own plans because he has changed and has learned to care about someone. I also like how it’s written with Anya finding her grandmother and the tragedy her grandmother has experienced, how it’s difficult for her grandmother to keep hoping someone in her family is still alive. Despite some pacing issues and the shitshow that is anything having to do with the Rasputin character I think there IS a lot of good to this movie and I was legitimately touched in some scenes

I would also like to add that the only reason I know anything about the Russian revolution is because I saw this movie and was inspired to do some research…make what you will of that.  

The short of it is, I can see why people aren’t comfortable with it. I can respect that it might be too much. But it would be disingenuous of me to say that I don’t like this film. Some of the things I like are problematic and I don’t always want to engage in the discourse. I can acknowledge and be critical of media I like while still choosing to watch it. That doesn’t mean I’m going to ignore reality. I can love a villain in fiction but not in real life. Most of my OC’s are morally grey and they exhibit behaviors I would want real people to go to jail for. 

[homesteadchronicles]

Or, since most of those were already asked, 11 and 12

Since you realized the others were already asked, I’m gonna throw #6 into here and combine this into one ask! Also, sorry if this is very poorly worded - it’s been a very busy day and my brain is 1000% dead lol

6. Tell us about the things you love best in worldbuilding.

Oh gosh, where do I even begin? I’m a big old nerd for learning as much as I can about different cultures, so there’s so much to think about. This is probably super obvious, but I would have to say that religious/spiritual worldbuilding is my favorite. I don’t just mean making the different churches or deciding how people think of the afterlife or if there is a god or multiple gods or a big flying spaghetti monster in the sky. I mean the supernatural, the angelic and demonic, the mysterious myths and legends surrounding the inexplicable, supposedly impossible occurences in the world. Is it fairies? A witch’s curse? A god’s condemnation? A demonic possession? Who knows! But there are eighteen different takes on it from each of the world’s culture with their own perception of the same event, and it’s SO much fun to play with the possibilities of the seemingly supernatural.

11. What’s the easiest character for you to write?

Oeden from Kingdom Come, hands down. No character has ever come so naturally to me in my life. Although our upbringings are exceedingly different in terms of the fact that he has a skin disease and deals with extreme racial prejudice (along with some other spoilerific factoids) that I have never experienced, he and I have a similar temperament. Believe it or not, I am a relatively hot-tempered person

I heard someone once say that most characters are a version of you that is a few degrees off. Maybe it’s you with your kindness turned down to 0, or it’s you if that tragedy had never occurred, or a character with your temperament but a different dream. I imagine Oeden to be what my teenage self would have turned out like had I not had mentors in place to guide me away from my angst and anger.

12. One thing you are pretty proud of - your style, a work, a scene, a character?

This is something I’ve attempted to come to terms with as of late, so that I can find the line between confidence and pride. I don’t want to be that person that’s like “oh, there’s nothing special about my work” because that’s not true! I believe God has given me a gift, a passion, and it would be disrespectful to Him to disregard something He handcrafted for me. But I also don’t want to strut around like I’m hot stuff, either.

But I do genuinely like the way that my writing flows. I know that sounds strange, but when I’m constructing a sentence, one of the most important parts to me is ensuring it has the right cadence. I’m a musician, so it’s like making sure a paragraph is a measure of music. Each word needs the right intonation and beat. I need to make sure each stanza aligns with the others. I want to make sure the lyrics complement one another, that they’re varied yet unified. I look back at a lot of my writing and, even when I find so much of it needs to be changed, that I still enjoy the way it plays in my head.

Thank you for participating in this week’s Author Thursday ask game! If anyone else would like to participate, please take a look at these 20 questions and submit one to my inbox before the day’s end :)

[mhedlunds]

Hi, hi! Lara here! first and foremost, I LOVE YOU ALL FOR JOINING!! We’re going to have a shit ton of fun here, I just know it asdfhkasf. Plot with me i’M BEGGIN’

MEET MARCUS HEDLUND.

Recklessness and perfect hair, stolen kisses, roguish smiles, muffled moans in dim hallways, sneaking out on late nights. 

[ bill skarsgard, 27, cismale, he/him ] — who’s that gorgeous person in uniform over there? oh, it’s agent saint, a.k.a. marcus hedlund from mi6! intel commends them for being debonair & adroit, so our young royals are in good hands. watch out though, since they are also reported to be condescending & hotheaded . 

O R I G I N S

He was born near a port to a fisherman’s family in Molle, Sweden. 

His father, Stefan, was a steely man with blue eyes as piercing as his son’s. He was stern and didn’t talk much. He had big hands that were calloused by working the nets every day. It had always been rare for him to acknowledge Marcus’ presence. So rare, that whenever he called his son over for an errand, little Marcus would drop his wooden toys and run straight towards his father with glee. Stefan was a robot come-to-life most of the time, but his face would light up every time he saw his wife, Amy. 

Amy used to be the town beauty in her younger years. Marcus inherited her wavy brown her and her nose. Before she married Stefan, suitors would visit her parents’ cottage by the droves. A dream of hers was to move to Stockholm and be an actress, but she chose to abandon that dream the moment she learned she was carrying Marcus in her womb. On Marcus’ tenth birthday, Amy unfortunately died from leukemia. The trauma of the tragedy had etched itself deeply into Marcus that he refuses to celebrate his birthday to this day. 

Amy’s death put such a toll on Stefan that he started to retreat into his own darkness. Only a year into his bereavement, he went into business with a high-profile smuggling ring that snuck in stolen and contraband goods from England to Molle. Stefan made eleven-year-old Marcus his errand boy in the operation. He would keep track of the crates carrying smuggled items make sure they aren’t carried off to where there aren’t supposed to. 

One day, the MI6, together with Interpol, raided the fishing port in search of millions of pounds worth of stolen palace jewels. It went ugly fast, and it ended with Stefan being killed. When the chaos died down, Marcus, now an orphan, could only stare down at his father’s corpse. He was approached by a curious MI6 agent whom, out of pity, decided to buy food for him. They quickly evolved an endearing friendship. When Marcus was handed over to an orphanage, the agent immediately filed the paperwork to adopt him. 

With his new foster dad, Marcus emigrated to England at the age of 12. There, he experienced the love of another mother, as well as that of a sibling he’s never had before. He was able to eat three full meals a day. He was sent to a great school in warm clothes. 

Only a month after he finished college in Oxford, Marcus ended up following in the footsteps of his foster father and applying for the MI6. He was able to pass the rigorous training course without much of a struggle since as a teenager, he used to bond with his foster father with the old man passing on his expertise in hand-to-hand combat and weaponry. He graduated top of his class. After three months in the field, he gained himself the honor being dubbed as one of the MI6′s elite.

P E R S O N A L I T Y 

He’s been a descendant of Eros for as long as he could remember. When he was a kid, it was nearly impossible to have him sit on a couch in front of the TV. His time, he spent on pranking those on the nearby port, be it local fishermen, vendors, or the many customers who were drawn there by the fresh fish. When he was a kid, he was always dripping wet from swimming in the sea, exploring the waters, satiating his curiosity for the wonders world had to offer.

He isn’t a textbook nerd, but he is unusually clever. He could solve difficult puzzles without breaking a sweat, and he also got A’s in tests he barely studied for. This effortless intelligence continued well into his career, where a quick and sharp mind is vital for the success of high-risk missions.

He’s known as a rogue in the MI6, since he has a devil-may-care way of conducting his missions. His method is reckless yet usually effective, so it’s difficult to discern whether he’s stupid or brave. 

He picked the codename ‘Saint’ since he thought it was humorously ironic, given his infamous personality.

He’s seen in public with a different arm candy almost every night. With his good looks, effortless intelligence, easy air, and reckless ways, he’s used to having women fall at his feet. He’s quick to pick them up, but he’s also quick to set them aside after a night of making them feel as if he were head-over-heels in love. He’s the type who’d have a bouquet of flowers sent up a woman’s room the morning after. He’s terrified of being an actual slave to love, and it’s a good thing his job entails him to tirelessly move from country to country. He’s yet to meet a person who could draw him in with their fingers to his belt loops and make him stay for good.

It’s difficult to make him open up. He’s a can within a can, within a can. He has a tendency to turn himself into marble in situations that require his emotions to come rushing out. Aside from his foster family, only one or two people know about his tragic past in Sweden. 

But whenever a person he cares for is hurt, he blames himself for not being there to protect them. He’ll take his sweet revenge on the people who caused such pain. He will make them bleed, both literally and figuratively, even if he has to play dirty just to finish the job.

[deadcactuswalking]

Review: Playboi Carti - Whole Lotta Red

I haven’t been this excited by an album in God knows how long so this may all just be rambling but... Long post(s) incoming.

Playboi Carti - Whole Lotta Red

I didn't get Die Lit at first - hell, I don't think I get it entirely still. Sure, Carti and his unique mumbling has grown on me quite a lot from his occasional guest features and extensive leaks, but other than some choice singles from either album, I still don't think I "get" why Playboi Carti is such a lauded rapper, at least amongst overly online music nerd circles. A couple of concerns leading into the record for me were mostly its length, as I saw that exhaustive 24-track listing as well as an hour-long runtime and immediately equated that to Die Lit, which I thought was crippled by overly lengthy runtimes and meandering song ideas. It didn't help that the single "@ MEH", not even on this album, was pretty uninspired and dull. I came into this album expecting something at least vaguely similar to his last full-length and was completely thrown for a loop... and thank God because this might be one of my favourite records of the year.

Whole Lotta Red is a cry for help. Everything about it screams a man consumed by this "rapper lifestyle" and is completely trapped. Throughout this hour of inane trap-rap, we are treated to an in-depth look at Carti as he evolves as a character and as a celebrity... but that's not high on Carti's priorities (and that's why I find this narrative so brilliant). From the first few seconds of the first track, the banger "Rockstar Made", Whole Lotta Red makes damn sure you know it's not fucking around. A set of bassy 808s drown out any remnant of that subtle distorted synth line in the back of the mix, and that's before we get the erratic Carti immediately hitting you with shoddily-mixed vocals, incessant ad-libs and yet somehow plenty of empty space, and lyrics worthy of little analysis, at least on surface level. None of that is to the song's disadvantage though, and Carti rides the beat perfectly in his boyish yelling tone that becomes his signature during the album. Not all of the tracks sound exactly like this, but it's what you should expect going in, and Carti immediately meets and succeeds said expectations.

As soon as the record finishes its first track, it devolves into chaos, and we see Carti's downward spiral into what seems like a pretty depressive state surrounded by yesmen who keep him on a constant rotation of Perkys and hoes. There is no helping Carti on this record but damn do Kanye and Cudi try, with some of their best verses ever on “Go2DaMoon” and “M3tamorphosis” respectively. After these features, Carti is left speechless, with his wordless mumbling following Kanye's comical yet unnervingly self-aware performance barely constituting as a "verse". Of course, this isn't for long as the “Go2DaMoon” ends abruptly for the sake of the heavy 808s that crash into the mix of “Stop Breathing” and grab your attention with his intense and most violent deliveries I've heard from him. Carti hasn't interested me as a performer until now, but the way he interrupts his routine... gasping sounds with his hungriest and clearest rapping ever is genius. We also get a sense of humanity from Carti, where he references how since his brother died, he's constantly seeking revenge in the form of homicide, murder and gang violence that he never fully realises won't fill the hole, at least not yet. For once, Carti sounds like he fucking cares.

What has always intrigued me about Carti was his lack of care for structure or conventions of trap-rap. On "Long Time - Intro", he doesn't come in perfectly when the beat comes in and prefers to stall time with ad-libs, as well as pointless phone call interludes. On "Shoota", he and Lil Uzi Vert split the song in half, leaving Uzi without much percussion to speak of, but when the beat drops and Carti starts rapping it completes the song. On the best tracks from the self-titled mixtape and Die Lit, Carti mixes and matches parts of verses, constant refrains and quirky, synth-lead beats to create jarring trap bangers that hit as hard as possible whilst still never feeling *right* exactly. Throughout Whole Lotta Red, this is so well implemented that Carti's sloppiest choruses, most uninteresting beats and most repetitious hooks feel more unique than most. Shit, if Carti tells me to jump out the house, I'll leap straight out the window. It's just that convincing, especially with how Carti sells this, in a boyish, childlike tone that carries whatever there is of a narrative in this project. You get a sense of naivety out of Carti that you don't get from other hip-hop musicians in the mainstream who want to show how experienced, relaxed and bored with the "rapper lifestyle" they are, whether it's luxury porn or aimless gunplay. Carti isn't bored, or exhausted, he's absolutely consumed and almost inseparable to what it means to be a rapper in 2020.

"M3tamorphosis" is one of the best tracks of the year, and another example where the guests can get through to Carti's rambling and even almost put an end to it. Cudi delivers an incredible meander of a verse, switching his flows from reverb-drenched yelling to sing-songy, drawn-out cadences to his signature high-speed systematic approach he has to these types of psychedelic trap beats, arguably proving himself a lot more than he did on Man on the Moon III. There are so many tiny moments I can pick out from this track alone, like that anthemic, quotable hook to the little nuances in Carti's verse, like that silence that cuts deep through his hashtag-rap murmuring. "I had to change my swag... ... ... ... metamorphosis". This is one of many moments spread across this album where Carti uses empty space to emphasise how so far detached he is from reality, or at least this vampire caricature Carti seems to play. Carti flows gorgeously over these hums and yes, it's rough around the edges and kind of awkward, but that is an attempt to express a constant stream of money, women and drugs in a creative way. It can't be robotic or professional because it's not as glamorous as some music videos and some rappers - including Kanye and Future - might want you to think. It simply can't be, and Carti, in his typical unsubtle way, gets that across perfectly. These beats are often just a beautiful synth melody or loop, or a genius piano melody like in "Vamp Anthem" and its sample of fucking Bach, overlayed with egregious 808s, Carti sputtering out rap stereotypes and trap percussion... but it never gets old because Carti doesn't give them time to, constantly switching between tracks before you can possibly be as exhausted as he is. It also helps that some of these beats, produced by a range of talents from his signature Maaly Raw and Pi'erre Bourne instrumentals, which are cloudy and ethereal, to a lot of tracks produced by the Working on Dying collective and other producers that seem to have a knack at creating these janky, badly-looped video game beats that sound amateur at points but create a basic foundation for Carti to flourish.

It's at this point in the album where Carti fully embraces that he's on top of the world, and nobody can knock him off that pedestal. When you feel like this, can't nobody tell you shit. He feels like he's God and could also join Slayer, comparing himself to Muhammed Ali to emphasise how he's the greatest, and no-one can get to him. "No Sl33p" acts as another interlude of violent paranoia, wherein he goes to sleep and dreams about murder. These short additions to the track list do not feel out of place within all of the hedonism and rather feel like a brief detour for Carti before he gets back to where he is now, rather than where he was in the hood. By "Meh", his ego has inflated to complete self-obsession. It's only at "Control" where Carti, still deflecting blame for his negligence with women, tries to concede and at an extreme where he offers a woman, presumably Iggy Azalea, pure materialism in exchange for some human connection, love and intimacy. He promises that he can wear a suit for her - as if keeping up appearances is what has ever mattered for Carti - over one of the most inspired beats this year, a brilliant juxtaposition of early 2010s club and dance-pop synths with the hardcore trap percussion and bass, which is in full force for "Punk Monk", in which the disguise falters and the facade falls. He doesn't care about anyone other than himself because he's a rockstar, and in the uncharacteristically long and lyrical verse, he lists off a specific set of rappers in such passing fashion that it becomes unclear whether he's showing genuine admiration or just dissing them, especially with how he thinks not he or his friends drifting apart is the reason why he feels so isolated. He has this idea that everyone above him is taking his friends from him. The label tricked him with Pi'erre, "they" turned Lil TJ against him. It's an us vs. them mentality but skipping the "us" and going straight to the core of the conflict: Playboi Carti himself, who purposefully cuts everyone off, begging everyone not to even contact him because, as he says, that shit's not his business. It would be almost motivational if it wasn't... just sad.

There's something comical but profound about the ugly, boyish tone Carti adopts when he says, "I don't rap, I write poems", before continuing to moan incoherently and repeat himself. Similarly comical and profound is the DJ Akademiks intro on "Control" because he, of all people, is a perfect satire of hip-hop commentary and the culture that hypes up people who genuinely fuck themselves up to the point of Carti's mind state on this album, or even to the point of the tragedy of Juice WRLD. For young hip-hop talents, no-one around them can really be trusted, and if they can, they lead these people in for their own greed and benefit, without paying attention to how these young rappers cope with newfound fame. For all we know, Carti's completely fine, but that isn't that common, and with everyone hyping up and "dickriding" young artists until they feel unstoppable, they feel like Carti on Whole Lotta Red, the only possible trajectory is swiftly downhill.

"On that Time" and "King Vamp" are both bangers with childish hooks and the same mentality that comes with a lot of Carti's sillier refrains, which at this point end up as just spelling out words. The incessant repetition drift away from being choruses and just end up as mantras for you to memorise and repeat when you bump this song. Carti indulges in codeine and ecstasy to the point where he can't feel anything and that no-one can get to him... at all. You'd think Future, an experienced trap-rapper in very much a similar lane and subject matter to Carti, would be able to prick his brain a bit more but instead, he just ends up imitating Carti and feeding into his fantasy. You can't really even tell where Future's usually deep-voiced murmur ends and where Carti's squeaky falsetto nonsense starts on "Teen X". By "Over", he's stuck in a loop over really dull, synth-y beats that don't interest me at all, in fact I would call "Sky" the one dud on the record because whilst it vaguely adds to the narrative, it overstays its welcome far too long for its inclusion to be worth it to me. Those two tracks and "Place" purposefully convey complacency but just end up being sleepy. At least "Over" has the rhetorical "Damn, how the fuck we got back to where we started?"

After "Over", I can't believe I'm saying this, but Carti starts to lyrically pick up an introspective theme that's subtle throughout the record but put on full display over slower, melancholy beats where Carti can spit some genuinely unnerving and haunting bars. The chorus on "ILoveUIHateU" is one of Carti's lyrical highlights throughout the whole discography, not like that has ever mattered to Carti. Regardless of if it matters, Carti definitely continues down this lane on "Die4Guy", where he depicts over a hard, menacing beat, his relationship with Reggie Carter, his brother, and how that inspired his rebellious nature and rockstar attitude, comparing himself to... the entirety of Black Flag in the process. We're invited to watch him spaz over this and just watch in astonishment as Carti acknowledges how reckless and dangerous this is without a care in the world. It's on these final tracks where we understand Carti's progress and why he feels the need to live this lifestyle, giving his history in poverty and how inspiring his family members, particularly brother and mother, have been to him in how they took advantage of the worst situations to give their closest what they deserved, and finally, his "going bananas" feels deserved and we briefly see a Carti a lot closer to Earth, and a lot closer to his hometown of Atlanta. He went through shit to get here, and he'll live life to his fullest as long as he can still get it. "F33l Lik3 Dyin" is an indescribably great track that sees Carti questioning relationships and updating us on his mental health as a perfect closer to the record, with a sample that proves Bon Iver is a perfect fit for any hip-hop. Justin Vernon's incoherent falsetto never gets in the way of Carti's own murmuring, as he mourns his own state of mind, with some really haunting refrains about his own death. His "fuck all y'all" mentality feels warranted by the end of Whole Lotta Red and we as a listener, after being entrenched in his psyche for more than an hour, finally get through to Carti, whether he likes it or not, and what we see is very clearly not what he wants us to.

Whether I see this album as genius story-telling as my tired brain inferred, or just a playlist of vaguely experimental trap bangers, I think I can say with confidence that this is at least my personal favourite of Carti's work by a long shot and I'm really excited to see what he has in store next - if he can even muster up another record in the next couple of years. This album is slap-dash and insane but I'm fucking astonished.

If I die, it's gon' be real sad, so I fuck on my bitch like it's our last

9/10

[terranoctis]

willow

After some casual catching up on work this afternoon, I took some time to myself to do things I enjoy. Oddly enough, this enjoyment consisted of educating myself on the most random array of subjects. I spent time reading a slew of news articles, watching documentaries, learning history, and consuming Shakespeare. I like to learn things of varying topics because it helps me think about how I want to shape the world I’m writing. History and enjoying stories of different mediums informs me, and makes me reflect on how I want to understand the world. In general, I simply want to understand things more because there are a myriad of topics I still have much to learn about. 

One of the first things I took a dedicated interest in today was the politics of Lebanon and how it culminated in part from the Lebanon Civil War. This was a result of the recent events in Beirut. Similar to why I chose to start learning Arabic a few years ago, I wanted to understand more about the culture and history of the Middle East. How did the Lebanese government become this entity that had done its people so wrong, according to everything I had been reading this past week? My delve into history today was that same feeling I had a few years ago. I specifically remember the Yemeni-Syrian humanitarian crisis of 2015 because it was around the exact time I decided to learn Arabic and took time to educate myself on that situation.   

Just like when I learned the Arabic language, and in part, introduced myself to Middle Eastern culture, I felt there were many things put into perspective once I took the time to learn. Learning about the Middle East puts into perspective sometimes how tailored the education and news cycle we get in the US is towards a Western perspective. When I was talking to my friend yesterday, he wasn’t even all that aware of how the negligence of the Lebanese government lead to Beirut’s explosion. I might not have either if I hadn’t recently started regularly reading news from foreign correspondents. The whole week has been terrible from news articles I’ve been reading, and it makes me hurt for all the people who live in Lebanon. My Arabic professor was from Beirut, and to witness her city, that she so lovingly described to us, be destroyed... I can’t fathom at all how she’s feeling now. Was she there? Is her family okay? I don’t know and that thought scares me too. There isn’t anything I can do to make anything better, but I want to understand, because it’s only when we learn history that we collectively understand as humans and be better where possible. 

It is an understatement to state that Lebanon’s recent history in the past fifty years or so is fractured and fraught with factions. My understanding is still minimal and I’ll likely have to read significantly more on the Middle East to even comprehend its complexities. Moreover, as all history goes, it���s not possible to learn about one country without understanding how the politics of another country affected it. The Lebanese civil war is a testament to that in how Palestine, Israel, and Syria played their parts. It was much bloodshed though, from my research into it. In this part of the world, our bloodshed and factional discord almost seems incomparable to what Lebanon has lived through. I wouldn’t wish that history on any nation, let alone any city like Beirut that was a battleground for warring factions. 

But I digress. I could go on about history for awhile if I wanted to. This blog is more for my collection of thoughts. Take my thoughts with a grain of salt as I still have much to learn, and I confess to being more ignorant than I wish to be in such topics. Nonetheless, the Lebanon Civil War made me think quite a bit about how I also wanted to write war as well, considering the backdrop of one of my stories exists during a civil war. 

I went on to watch a documentary on the Fyre festival. After some heavy history reading and documentary-watching, it seemed only appropriate to learn about something more seemingly inane. I had only tangentially learned about the music festival previously from the people I grew up with and their knowledge of it on social media. To learn about the entirety of the situation more in-depth though explained to me more about how tragic and terrible the whole festival was. The insanity that occurred because those in charge weren’t willing to own up and take responsibility for it was immense. It’s sad to see how people will take others for advantage, and it’s sad how a group of people can be driven to a point of no return because they are in way over their heads. It’s a different history to learn, and one that should be learned due to the way the online world and social media can drive an idea or break it. We live in a world now that thrives in some part by appearances online--and in the same breath, shuts something down online by mob mentality. It’s a different kind of history to learn, but something very fitting for this modern day and age. The advent of online networking and marketing, along with the appeal of social media has changed the world entirely... and this disaster of a festival is one of its textbook cases on how good and bad social media can be for one concept.

From there, I ended up watching a stage production of Othello put on by the Royal Shakespeare Company. Othello is one of the more widely read plays by Shakespeare that I have not ever once read, so I thought it would be interesting to experience it as a stage production first rather than in text first, as I have experienced most of his other plays. The production itself is quite a fascinating take on a Shakespearean play. Having not read the text, but understanding Shakespeare themes, the production cast both Othello and Iago as black men. This definitely lead to some race discussions and tensions that may not have been relevant with different casting... and I loved that it did that, particularly in conjunction with Cassio’s role as a white lieutenant. 

I can’t say it’s my favorite Shakespeare play, but I do think it’s one of the most sympathetic and well-written takes from Shakespeare on the female experience in a poor relationship. This may have been in part to how Desdemona and Emilia were acted, but there is something chilling about how Othello goes into a rage over his jealousy. The women are left to the mercy of this rage and to the mercy of all these men’s jealousies and manipulations concocted around them. Even the third woman in this play who is made a farce of with Cassio is sympathetic, because we witness Cassio seeing her as nothing more than someone to pass his time with. Cassio is quick to degrade her verbally when she becomes jealous. Emilia is manipulated by Iago as his wife to steal Desdemona's glove. Othello is known as a noble man and we see this up until he’s manipulated into a corner. 

But even Othello’s noble character doesn’t excuse his rage towards Desdemona in the privacy of their own home. It shows a man at his worst being a violent and jealous man--and an abusive significant other. For all that Iago is the manipulator, it also paints Othello as a man who can justify murder and more because he believes he was wronged. It’s power and abusive privilege at its worst in someone who is supposed to be a noble man, regardless of misunderstandings. As a woman watching the play, it was less about Iago’s manipulations for me, though he is a fascinating character. This play was the progression of a loving husband like Othello becoming an aggressor to Desdemona. It was about Iago killing his wife Emilia because she didn’t serve his purposes. 

It was also haunting to me that the only happy or peaceful moment the women have in the second half of the play is alone with one another, in the privacy of a bath, singing a willow song about a woman who was in love and whose love was lost in her significant other. It is a sad moment that foreshadows Desdemona’s death, but softly, also one of the happier moments the women have in the play with just the two of them together. There’s a kinship there that I don’t think I’ve quite seen in other Shakespeare plays between two women and how they recognize they’ve both been at the mercy of men, and their loves. They’ve been scorned as the woman in the Willow song. Just as Emilia helped her husband, and Desdemona loved her husband wholeheartedly, they’re just singing willow, willow, willow... Emilia’s monologue during this scene, which gives credence to how powerful women’s feelings can be in spite of how their husbands fail to recognize it, was probably my favorite monologue in the entire play. And the way it contrasts with Desdemona’s dejected rejection of that concept because of her sadness towards her husband makes it one of my favorite scenes in the entire play.

Othello is titled after the main character, and it is an apt portrait of a man who is driven to a jealous rage. But as it paints him, it also paints what and Iago have done to everyone around them. Iago may be the Machiavellian villain, but I think Othello is a villain in his own right as well. The people who suffer the worst fates are the women in this. It’s definitely a Shakespearean tragedy, and I’m not surprised necessarily in how that played out. Yet, there’s a lot to read into from how the stage production presented these characters and the unstated elements that aren’t verbalized outright. Somehow Othello seems relevant when you think about it through the lens of how some abusive relationships come into existence and in light of how quick people may be to slander women when you believe ill of them. In that regard, in its depiction of women and relationships, this play may be one of my favorite to analyze in regards to the topic of women in Shakespeare’s plays. 

In other words, I’m still a lit nerd. 

I went on quite a dive today into topics that interested me. I suppose it’s a cultured dive. It makes me happy though and I’ve drawn some ideas for things I’ve already been writing. Writing this out also helped me formulate my thoughts more. It’s my dream to read and educate myself more as I please, and it’s nice to just have a whole day to do that between errands. I love that. I love just learning what I want to learn about in the context of the world around me. It brought me back to days when I would spend reading Shakespeare for fun and set myself to reading specific authors like Virginia Woolf, Mark Twain, or Ursula Le Guin. Or reading mythology from different cultures. Maybe a part of me misses being in school, but I also know that I like just educating myself as I please. Things like this also make me a better writer.

I suppose I’m an old soul. I just like stories...and history is a story in itself. 

[bisexualsatan-blog]

Why 1931: Scheherazade at the Library of Pergamum is Amazing and You Should Play It

Hello fellow The Mummy fans, archaeology nerds, and visual novel/otome consumers! 

I have a game recommendation for a visual novel that hits all of those groups and more and I really want more people to play it because the fandom is essentially nonexistent and that is a tragedy.

(Also I desperately want the promised sequel.)

Protagonist

Scheherazade Keating, aka Sadie is by all appearances a spoiled blonde socialite living with her lush of an Aunt in 1930′s New York. She’s precocious, charming, and already a skilled archaeologist thanks to being raised by parents that are basically Rick and Evie from the Mummy movies, parents who are now missing and presumed dead by most.

The game starts on her 18th birthday when she graduates from high school, and goes on to cover the events of her first year of college as she pursues the mystery of her parent’s disappearance, has various archaeological adventures, and potentially finds romance. (Yes, a game with multiple women attending college in the 30′s! It’s historically accurate and delightful.)

You get to shape her personality to an extent, but overall she’s brilliant, full of sass, reckless, and kind. You also get to see her grow and mature over the course of the year, depending on the various paths you can take, which includes helping her to have a greater understanding of her privilege. 

Plot

The main plot involves the disappearance of her parents and various family secrets relating to their archaeological discoveries and a friend of the family,  Rüdeger von Prenzwald aka Ruddy, who is maybe helpful, maybe up to no good, and whose storyline strongly connects to the actual post-war state of politics in Germany in the 30′s.

There are also many side plots, or ‘capers’ involving various locations ranging from New Orleans, to archaeological digs in Egypt, to movie premiers in India. There is also the option at a certain point in the game to turn away from the main plot, the ‘Dream of Family’ to instead pursue one of the five romance options. Which path you choose will change the outcome and options of various events in the game.

This game is HUGE. I’ve played through almost all the routes, put in over a hundred hours of gameplay, and still haven’t gotten all the endings and definitely haven’t experienced every scene or dialogue option.

It’s witty as hell, super nerdy, and pretty historically accurate in terms of its archaeological and 30′s references. It also has a ton of sneaky pop culture references ranging from TMNT to Buffy the Vampire Slayer to classic noir movies.

Romances

So first of all, for any aromantics or just visual novel fans not in the mood for romance, you absolutely do not have to pursue a romance in this game if you don’t wish to, and can still become close friends with all of the romance options. This is not a game where it’s romance or nothing, and choosing one of the romance options does not alienate the others as companions. 

Unfortunately it is very heterosexual, all of the romance options are male, but in addition to those paths, you can instead choose to focus on your best friend, Anna, and building your friendship (and view it through as shippy a lens as you’d like.) 

If you do want to fall in love, I personally enjoyed (and have played through) all of the romance paths.

From left to right we have Felix, the childhood best friend you unexpectedly reunite with; Nigel, your (very young, think grad student) professor; Roland, a British spy you often run into on your adventures; Sterling, a fellow heir to an archaeological family and definite bad boy type; and my personal favorite, Ahmose, who is yes, a mummy, and a prince to boot. 

All of the romances are great and fully fleshed out, showing a year’s courtship with various obstacles to deal with and, my favorite aspect, a definite sense of partnership and a relationship of equals. Felix and Ahmose are my favorite as Felix’s path deals with the significant class difference between you and opening Sadie’s eyes to her privilege, and Ahmose’s has some amazing themes about cultural appropriation in archaeology that are still super relevant today. But honestly they’re all fun and I’d replay each romance in a heart beat.

Gameplay

I will say that this is an unusually difficult visual novel in a lot of ways, with a steep learning curve. It’s a stat builder and while I’m used to that in an RPG setting, it was surprisingly hard to get used to for this type of game.

I highly recommend playing on the not quite accurately named easy mode the first time. You have to consistently build Sadie’s skills to get through the various challenges and earn the best endings, and the more skilled you make her, the harder those challenges become. Make sure you always have a full complement of inspiration cards to get you through the various challenges and don’t forget, like I did my first time through, that you can use multiple cards at a time to increase your stats.

Representation Notes

So I’m not thrilled that the only romanceable character of color is a mummy, to say the least, but as mentioned above, his romance is super well written and specifically deals with the issue of privileged white folks wandering into colonized countries and setting up archaeological digs.

Also almost all of the experts you deal with at the various dig sites/capers are native to the location, and racism, colonialism, classism, and sexism are ongoing themes throughout most of the adventures.

That said, it has its issues, and I hope to see even more improvement in the sequel.

In conclusion, 1931: Scheherazade at the Library of Pergamum is an incredibly difficult game to spell and an incredibly amazing game to play and I hope you give it a shot!

[onlywherethemidgetgoes]

Top 18 books of 2017

Well it seems that December has landed upon us and I think it’s time for me to post my top 18 books of 2017, although some were released last year, I only got the chance to read them this year.

Enjoy.

Happy Bookmas!

18. The Happy Reader Issue 9

The Summer copy of The Happy Reader (a bookish quarterly by Penguin) set the tone for books to come in 2017, with an interview with Lily Cole and a anayltical look into Treasure Island; I was almost certian that the second half of 2017 was going to be good for books.

17. Conclave by Robert Harris

Set in the 10 days of when the Pope dies and a new one is selected, Conclave goes inside the intense rivalry that goes on between the Cardinals and how far some will go to be the most powerful man in the Catholic faith. I’ve just finished reading it and by God (pardon the pun) it is intense.

16. Ian Brady by Alan Keightley

As a historian, I’ve always been interested in Ian Brady as a person; after his death in May, I found his part written biography along with Alan Keightley. Ian Brady gives us an insight into one of the UK’s most ruthless and evil serial killers of the 21st centuary. 

15. Harry Potter and the Cursed Child by JK Rowling

For some foresaken reason, the new HP story ended up on this list, however, it’s only because I’m a HP Nerd and I waited so damn long for a sequel of a kind to Dealthly Hallows it follow Harry, Ron, Hermione and their children on the most challenging adventure yet

14. Sex and Death Stories by Sarah Hall and Peter Hobbs

I bought this collection of stories when I was holiday in August and it is one of the most intruging selection of stories, I have ever had the pleasure and privilage to read. No two stories are the same.

13. Catherine of Aragon by Giles Tremlett 

My history nerd appears with this book. I have been forever searching for a book solely written about Catherine of Aragon since I was a child and I rejoyced from the rooftops when I found Giles Tremlett’s exquisite biography. Tremlett explores Catherine’s love for her first husband, Arthur, her doomed marriage to Henry and how she fell from the clever, sensitve and warm Princess of Wales to the woman that history tells us: bitter and deeply relgious.

12. The Sun and her flowers by Rupi Kaur

I resisted from buying Milk and Honey by Rupi Kaur for ages because of the hype it brought, however although I believe that Milk and Honey is better, The Sun and her flowers brings hope, light and the love that Milk and Honey didnt and that’s what makes it so beautiful and that it stands out in 21st century poetry.

11. The Legend of Podkin the One Ear by Keiran Larwood

“A children’s book” I hear you cry! Podkin not only gives children that ability to believe in myth and magical fantasy creatures but it also provides that adult fantasy that we all secretly look for. Podkin comes with illistrations of the world that he lives in to make imaginations run wild and create our own place within it.

10. Scrappy Little Nobody by Anna Kendrick (released in 2016)

Okay, so I read this book when it orginally came out last year, however I allocated myself time to read this book again but in more detail and depth as a writer and actor. Anna’s brutally honest but hilarious view of the harsh reality of what it’s like to grown up and work in the acting industry, Scrappy Little Nobody gives warmth and genuinity that Anna personally believes she lacks.

9. All that she can see by Carrie Hope Fletcher

Written by my 2nd favourite inspiration, All that she can see is about Cherry, a baker, who can see the baggage that other people are carrying around (such as anxiety, anger, depression or sadness) and bakes them a bread or cake with a such potion to make them feel better. Although secretly, Carrie’s first book is my favourite- All that she can see gives hope to those with mental health and that things get better with time (and sometimes some bread)

8. A Skinful of Shadows by Frances Hardinge

I’ve only just started to read this book and it’s somehow landed at 8 on my list. 12 year old Makepeace suffers a tragedy and finds out that a spirit lives inside her, Makepeace must figure out how to control the spirit and how to help herself in the process.

7. My Grandmother sends her regards and apologises by Fredrik Backman

This is the story of Elsa. Elsa is 7 and like any girl at her age, she loves her Granny. Some might call Elsa’s granny ‘ecentric’ but Elsa, she is her superhero. But it’s not before long and Elsa is faced with some news that sets to shatter her world forever, sending her on some breath taking adventures of her own and discovering that no matter how great some superheroes are- they still have apologises to make.

6. The Journals of Sylvia Plath by Sylvia Plath (released in 2014)

The unabridged journals of Sylvia Plath were released in 2014 and I first read them when I wasn’t in the right state of mind to enjoy them properly- so this year, I set myself a mission to read her journals again. Plath’s journals open up the world through Plath’s eyes from her years at Smith College to her turbulent marriage to Ted Hughes- if you think you know Plath throug her poetry, think again.

5. The Life Changing Magic of Not Giving a Fuck by Sarah Knight (released in 2016)

I’ll be honest, I’ve had a shit year (quoted by my friend Laura in the middle of a shop) and this book has undeniably made it a little better and a little funny. Sarah Knight is openly honest and tells us exactly how to destress and declutter internally and externally and how many fucks we should give. Come new year- 2017 can fuck right off.

4. Doing It by Hannah Witton

Although not experienced in sex, I can certianly say that I am well knowleged when it comes to knowing about relationships and sex- and it’s pretty much all down to Hannah Witton. Hannah talks about anything from the LGBTQ community to Taboos, Porn to safe sex- she certianly doesn’t hold back and that’s exactly what I would have wanted to learn at school.

3. Secrets for the Mad by Dodie Clark

Secrets for the Mad isn’t just a memoir about an amazing Youtuber and singer, it’s about a ordinary person’s battle with mental health and treatments that she has seeked in order to help. Secrets for the Mad will make you laugh and cry but Dodie writes in such a way that you seem to be holding her hand throughout the whole way and you can connect with her.

2. The Anxiety Solution by Chloe Brotheridge

I bought this book in the first stages of my recovery, Chloe Brotheridge provides different techniques on how to manage and aid yourself through stages of anxiety and panic attacks to suit all types of people. I would recommed this book to anyone who suffers with anxiety, is going through treatment or simply wants to know how to help someone with anxiety- this is the go to book.

1. Turtles all the way down by John Green

Unlike the rest of the world, I wasn’t highly anticipating John Green’s new book and only bought it on a whim (I also like turtles)- but by god wasn’t I proven so wrong. John Green tackles the stigma and honesty of OCD in not just a mental health way but OCD in girls. It shows OCD in it complexity and reality- that it isnt just about being a neat freak.