#and also she called me masc and the man in the relationship but i literally am not masc im a full-face makeup Xicana in a baggy graphic tee

[brothermoth]

on trans men

I think there's a huge uptick in transphobia (I shan't use the no no word because this isn't about that, but I will use the tag for traction) towards trans men. It is NOT from any one group in particular, but I think the queer community especially needs to reckon with this alongside discussions of transfeminism and the overall social reckoning with trans people as a whole. We're a hot topic right now and facing so much fucking nonsense.

I think y'all need to hear from a person. We're all people, I think we forget sometimes.

I'm 5'1, I've got uncomfortably big tits. I look like a 13 year old closeted gay boy if you squint your eyes a bit. I do not pass, except maybe to old people once in a while who think I'm a child. In my personal life I do not discuss my gender identity. I'm not out to a single family member and I pushed my mom far enough by getting my hair cut short and buying men's clothes—so I will not be pushing further until I'm out of the house. I wouldn't necessarily be unsafe, but it would ruin every single (already deeply awkward) relationship with every person in my family. I think the stress would finally do me in, and I literally just stopped being suicidal like eight months ago when I started college.

I don't feel like a person, just someone in a state of waiting like I've been in a cocoon my whole life with no end in sight. Starting college was a chance for me to peek out a bit and start to explore something I really couldn't before. For the first time I could actually start to say I'm transmasc.

Hearing someone who I already felt disliked me say "ugh I hate men" spiked my anxiety through the damn roof. I need y'all to understand what that feels like to a trans man, especially one just starting to step out of the closet. I have C-PTSD and severe trust issues to boot, and now I have to decide whether we just don't click as people or if she (a queer woman) just doesn't like me because I'm masc. I've had it happen, it's not an unfounded anxiety spiral.

It's not actively oppressing me for her to say that, but it still hurts. You don't THINK about who you are hurting. It's not Kyle with his MAGA hat and Ford F-150. It's the closeted trans guy who is now deeply wary of you and also overanalyzing everything he does to avoid making you uncomfortable.

I might be taking this discourse a bit personally. I'm aware, despite my brain being a soup of mental illness. It's just strangers on the internet after all, but it does bleed into my own personal life and it's fucking heartbreaking. It really is.

I think some of you forgot that trans men are people. I think some of you have stripped us of our humanity and our lives and the things that we struggle with every day. I'll call it what it is: it's fucking transphobia.

You do not get to enable or enact transphobia on trans men in the name of feminism. We're your fucking allies. Abortion bans and transphobic legislature and abuse in relationships and ostracisation from society and family. We're not a monolithic group of bearded Abercrombie models (not to shame those who are, y'all are great), in fact I think it's fair to say that most trans men are seen as women. A lot of us don't correct people when they assume. To everyone but myself I'm a smartass autistic girl. I have more in common with the incredible Jennifer Coates in her article "I am a trans woman. I am in the closet. I am not coming out" than I do with a cis man.

And I'm sorry but there's very few trans men with ANY social privilege to oppress anyone. To pretend otherwise is to be ignorant of our lives, our history, and us as people who are often in the same situations as trans women. We're seen as women who are "trying to be men" trying to achieve something that even cis men can't get right. We're "dykes" we're "trannies" we're sex perverts and sex workers and faggots and failed daughters who will never do anything right. Budget lesbians, little girls. Cis womanhood and masculinity are things that no trans person can ever achieve. Don't be foolish enough to pretend otherwise.

Trans women you are my allies. My transfem friends are in the same situation as me. Afraid to come out, stuck being yourself only in certain places and struggling with our own cages of oppression.

Lesbians you are my allies. Especially you, butch lesbians. Never good enough, never perfect enough, never what your parents wanted and always questioned about the way you dress or do your hair.

We're not as different as we often think.

Building community and solidarity means listening and understanding sharing experiences that are often so similar.

Communism=community I don't know why SO MANY Marx stans refuse to understand that his views rely on understanding and cooperation between working class people (which is also why I think communism is deeply flawed....i think daddy Karl had a bit too much faith in humanity, but that's another issue)

Separatism is death. I am not kidding. You know what emperor penguins do when Arctic winters get to sub zero temperatures? They huddle together and take turns bearing the brunt of the wind.

Don't fucking buy into separatist bullshit. Find fucking common ground with your allies, talk it through like adults instead of resorting to name calling and hatred.

Any activism worth it's salt must come from a place of love rather than hate. Vitriol solves nothing and y'all are tearing us all apart.

[xicanaroja]

Poor one out for me homies,, I just had the worst date of my life AND my cat has terminal cancer and we have to let him go tomorrow.

[bicth-and-in-that-order]

Rambling thoughts of various Yuri manga I’ve read

1. Kase-San and Yamada (Morning Glories sequel series) by Hiromi Takashima

notice how Kase’s name is first, which is representative of her being the main one to cause problems in their relationship

If you asked me what my favorite yuri manga was like 2-3 years ago, I’d say Morning Glories and Kase San everytime. Every avid yuri fan has either read or watched Morning Glories because, at the time in 2010, it was groundbreaking, and I stand by the fact that the original series still holds up to this day. It was cute, sweet, wholesome and only had a few obligatory “we love each other but we’re giRLs😳😳😳” moments. Most of all it wasn’t a pseudo-incest-straight-male-porn-pandering-garbage-fest—also known as “Citrus”. Was it cliche at times? Yes, but they all are lol. Did they add to the dumb ass “blonde femme and dark hair masc” trope? Also yes. But it was adorable and it was my first ever yuri so it holds a special place in my heart.

And it SEEMED like it was only going to get better in Kase San and Yamada, the sequel. The girls would be heading to college and the story could theoretically focus on more mature topics while they navigate their new relationship. Keyword: theoretically. Unfortunately, instead of exploring interesting relationship dynamics and storylines, the plot of each story arc boils down to: Kase is insecure because a man breathed next to Yamada or Kase is being completely insensitive to Yamada’s feelings…again…—> ✨miscommunication drama ✨—>big over dramatic apology scene—>boring makeup sex or other romantic gesture.

Literally that’s how every single plotline goes. Kase is so goddamn dumb and insensitive to Yamada’s feelings and Yamada’s a complete doormat who can only stay mad for 0.2 seconds before getting pussy whipped like a spineless ass bitch. And for all that Yamada sacrifices for Kase; her hometown, her dreams, her apartment, what does she get in return from Kase? Oh that’s right; bare minimum romantic gestures and a neglectful partner who can’t even call her “girlfriend” in front of others:

Like I thought we were over this shit. It’s been THREE years of them together, a whole anime production, and god knows how many irl years and we’re going back to “we love each other but we’re giRLs😳😳😳” WHY???

And then Kase later goes onto bet her entire three year relationship over the ugly bitch in the next panel, so now I’m questioning whether or not Kase even loves Yamada with the amount of bullshit she’s put her through. Which COULD be an interesting plot point, but Kase never gets any consequences for her actions and the creator genuinely thinks this is romantic and full of tension so I’m 10000% positive that this arc, just like all the others, will end with some makeup sex and we’ll be right back to step 1. Sigh.

2. Tamen De Gushi by Tan Jiu

Tamen De Gushi’s problems are interesting but it’s NOT because of the Chinese government💀

So today’s dark haired masc and blonde femme of the day are Sun Jing and Qiu Tong, respectively. Their personalities aren’t anything to write home about, if you read ANY high school yuri romance, then you know exactly what happens in this story beat for beat. But, BUT, however derivative it is, I find their dynamic very endearing and down to earth. Idk maybe it’s just the translation, but other yuri stories often have this very inauthentic “anime” vibe to it. Which is to say the characters act very cutesy, overly dramatic, and have this stilted, caricature-esque acting of how the creator thinks teenage girls are supposed act.

However, I’m happy to report that Tamen De Gushi is a breath of fresh air in this regard. The characters and interactions they have are grounded and feel organic, which makes them feel like real people, not aliens pretending to be human. This really elevates the humor in turn, oh did I mention that Tamen De Gushi is super funny? Because Tamen De Gushi is super funny, here’s one of my favorite panels and it’s all because of Sun Jing’s goofy ahh expression:

Like go girl give us nothing

If you’re wondering why I haven’t spoke much about the actual romantic relationship between the girls, that’s because there isn’t one💀 Which, okay, that’s not a fair assessment, they have a ton of romantic tension and they flirt a lot. It’s certainly building to a great romantic relationship, but it can’t quite get there due to legal/political reasons sadly. 😔

Edit: I received new information in regards to what happened to Tamen De Gushi. While I reached my limit for posting pictures, I want to point out that the Chinese government had nothing to do with Tamen De Gushi getting censored, rather it was a dispute between the author and the publishing company. The prior information I received was false and I prob should’ve looked it up more so sorrrry. The fact still remains though that after their big lesbian kiss towards the middle of the story and maybe a few other moments, that’s just kind of it. You’re stuck waiting for something to develop, but nothing really happens. The comic very quickly becomes a collection of slice of life segments and cute pictures that imply a relationship between the girls, but not really ;) ;).  Now things are just kind of left in purgatory for the foreseeable future and, well, that’s Tamen De Gushi y’all.

Compared to Kase San and Yamada, the characters were much better, which is not saying much, but without an actual romantic storyline, there’s just not a lot for me to comment on to be honest. It’s really pretty though, look at this art :

3. Beauty and the Beast Girl by Neji

my personal favorite and the BEST yuri I ever read

So next on the list is Beauty and the Beast Girl (I’m going to abbreviate to BatBG from here on) , which I already spoiled my feelings on the matter so this will basically be me gushing about this story for several paragraphs straight, enjoy.

Contrary to what the title suggests, it really has nothing to do with Beauty and the Beast’s story except in name. The main girls are Lily Blind, who is actually fucking blind 💀 and Heath the monster girl. Already I’m happy because instead of blonde femme and dark hair butch, it’s blonde femme and of-course-you-have-purple-hair-and-pronouns masc. Lol, all jokes aside, Lily, unlike her blonde femme counterparts is quite assertive and voices her opinions all the time. In fact, she’s the one who pushes Heath to be more open and communicate with her rather than the other way around. This is, in part, due to the story BatBG is trying to tell. I say BatBG is in name only to Beauty and the Beast because Lily isn’t trying to find the “beauty” within Heath or learning to love a beast or whatever, she’s fine just the way she is and her love for Heath is unconditional. Plus the only thing beastly about Heath is her appearance…which I’ll harp on later, but her behavior is in no way different from a regular human except in very rare, specific moments.

At its heart, BatBG is a story about forgiveness (the creator literally says as much) , but it’s also about the cycle of violence that results from being outcasted and deprived of love. BatBG is set in a world of humans and monsters, where the monsters are outcasted and either have to stay away from human society like Heath or assimilate themselves by hiding away their monster like traits, which is a really queer narrative on top of an already queer story. I don’t want to go into too much spoilers, but sometime before the beginning of the story, Heath in-directly hurts Lily before they ever meet. However, it’s not about Lily needing to forgive Heath, or trying to get over the pain she inflicted upon her, rather its Heath learning to forgive herself and in effect, learning to love herself as much as Lily loves her.

Another big aspect of BatBG is disabilities, Lily Blind is in fact Blind lol and while there are times she struggles with her blindness, she never views her disability as something she needs to be ashamed of and never, ever, blames Heath for it or holds it against her unlike what many, many, many, many other stories end up doing. Her blindness isn’t treated like a super power either, it’s a legitimate disability. She just accepts that it’s a part of her and goes onto say that if not for her blindness, she would’ve never met the love of her life, which I found to be an incredibly profound thing to say.

Now that I’ve gotten this far, I suppose I can add a bit of a disclaimer. So BatBG is waaaaay more explicit about the physical affection between the girls than in any of the previous stories I talked about. Heath and Lily are constantly kissing on, hugging, and almost always flirting with each other, and make no mistake, these girls do be fucking. The sex scenes are never perverted or gross, but genuinely super sweet and romantic, which makes it way hotter imo (huh imagine that🤔). And aside from being hot, it also serves a purpose! Lily’s pretty damn horny underneath all her nice girl antics and while it’s not a major part of her character, it does give a slight edge to her personality and, most importantly, balances out the dynamic between Heath and Lily. It would’ve been very easy to fall into that boring trope where Heath is aggressively horny and Lily is the submissive blind girl, but by making Lily be the one to initiate the sexual encounters, it not only compliments Heath’s more reserved nature, but breaks the stereotype that people with disabilities are pure precious being who couldn’t possibly have sex, which is ableist af btw. Many people think the existence of any sex scenes at all is superfluous, but in BatBG, it truly elevates the story, the characters, and the romance in ways that wouldn’t be nearly as satisfying without it.

Now, with as much praise I gave BatBG, there is one criticism I have, but it’s a quibble really, and it can be explained in a single image:

There is a dissonance between the story and the art, the story says: “Heath is a big, ugly scary monster”

The art says:

And like yes, it can be argued that Heath is simply regurgitating the things bigoted people have said to her, but at no point in the story is this ever challenged or brought up in any meaningful way. Lily is blind so she doesn’t know what the hell she looks like and the other characters aren’t any help either. It’s not a big deal or anything, it just would’ve elevated the story if Heath was actually kinda ugly/more monstrous and not incredibly beautiful because right now it’s giving skinny girl who calls herself fat all the time, and it’s like, babe, who tf are you fooling? 😭

Other than that, BatBG is incredibly profound despite its premise being so deceptively simple and I love it to pieces so …yeah! READ IT.

4. Superwomen in Love! Honey Trap and Rapid Rabbit by sometime

Well, at least there are no blondes

So imma just abbreviate to SiL btw

Alright, let’s get started. The premise is that a villainess falls for the super hero girl and then that plotline is dropped in about 16 pages. I’m not even joking, the villainess falls for the hero, loses her job as a villain and then joins the hero all in one chapter. The REAL plot is actually about a council of evil alien-humans who want to destroy humanity because of generic super villain reason #434: the leader of the aliens is sad and misunderstood :( I’m not even going to lie, I had 0 interest in “X” (the generic ass name of the main villain) and her band of useless lesbians. They did literally nothing in the story except be a nuisance and contribute to X’s incel breakdown at the end. Their inclusion actively made SiL worse because the story has this weird tonal problem where in one breath the villains are portrayed as complete jokes and then you turn the page and now they’re shooting children like girl what💀 And these useless lesbians hog sooooo much of SiL that desperately needed to be given to Honey trap and Hayate to develop their relationship.

When the story DOES actually focus on Honey Trap and Hayate, it’s pretty good, even cute at times, there just wasn’t enough time given to them to flesh their relationship out. As it stands, Honey Trap and Hayate don’t have much of a dynamic, or personality for that matter. Honey Trap’s main gimmick is that she’s extremely horny for Hayate and delulu:

Aside from that, she’s a great value version of Heath, but even a watered down character is better than, like, nothing. All I really know about Hayate is that she’s nice, heroic, likes wearing tacky clothes and ….that’s it. She loves Honey Trap because…………they fought together a few times so why not🤷‍♀️ I’d say at least that’s better than Tamen De Gushi, but actually it’s not because these grown ass women don’t even kiss , all we get is a love confession and their gremlin love child and that’s supposed to be satisfying I guess.

And the worst part is that SiL has the audacity to pretend the romance was something that it clearly wasn’t:

Girl…yall were “””enemies””” for 10 panels.

Now, it’s stated they have been rivals for a while, but I guess Honey Trap forgot all of that because the moment she sees Hayate’s face, my good sis is pussy whipped for life. And that’s in spite of apparently being the evilest one out of the evil group because Honey Trap has no grudge or baggage toward Hayate. She immediately turns good with no issues and Hayate is only distrustful of Honey Trap for 1 or 2 speech bubbles and then she’s not. Anything else that happened was off screen, which means it didn’t happen. Ironically, the very next entry on this list will do a MUCH better job at an ex-villain love story, but for SiL, there’s just not much going on.

Another reading of this story is to call it a “parody” but…no, it isn’t. SiL isn’t a comedy, yes there are comedic moments that poke fun of the genre, but the rest of the story genuinely wants you to take it seriously. Except it can’t. X and her league of dimwits are boring as piss and they oscillate between Saturday morning cartoon villains and child murderers seemingly on a whim. So I can neither be endeared to them nor take them as a serious threat. Honey Trap and Hayate are there, but I lament on all the potential lost from what could’ve been an amazing relationship.

5. Yamujiburo/Kianamaiart’s Hanamusa webcomic

This one is kind of cheating, but I also don’t care let me talk about hot MILFs💀

So the final entry on this list is a webcomic series by one of my fave artist: kianamaiart! And it’s right here on tumblr so check it out!

I stumbled upon this webcomic a few weeks ago, fell in love and now I want to talk about it. This yuri pair thankfully has no blonde femme in sight and instead features two popular Pokémon characters: Jessie from Team Rocket and Delia Ketchum, Ash Ketchum’s mom. What I love about this ship and the world Kiana creates around them is that it’s a very unconventional pairing. There’s just not many romances where a single mom falls in love with an ex gang member and the best part is, Delia being a mom is a big part of her character and she doesn’t ignore Ash in favor of her new relationship with Jessie. She has time for both and doesn’t prioritize one over the other, which many ppl fail to do even irl so good on you Delia!

Now, as for the romance it self, Jessie and Delia are a unique pair. Jessie’s overconfident, brash, drama queen personality doesn’t automatically put her in the “dominant” role and Delia’s sweet, motherly personality doesn’t automatically put her in the “submissive” role. Their dynamic in the webcomic actually plays out in the reverse, Jessie is the one who gets easily flustered and Delia’s…intense, to say the least:

(But Tbf if Delia looked at me like that I’d be at her beck and call too💀)

This subversion of these tropes creates a fun dynamic for the couple and it’s super adorable to see how their energies bounce off each other in each new situation Kiana puts them in. I also love how both Jessie and Delia inspire each other to live out their dreams and they become better versions of themselves by being together.

And one last thing, I don’t have any smart commentary to go along with this, I just really like this drawing of Jessie:

no thoughts, head empty

Final Thoughts

Soooo yeah, that’s the end of my dissertation on yuri comics. I know I ended up dragging a lot of popular yuri, but it wasn’t my intention to make you guys hate any of things I talked about. These were just my thoughts as an avid yuri fan, so let me know your thoughts as well, especially if you read any of the yuri I talked about. And even though I’m super picky about the type of yuri I read, I’d still love to hear any recommendations. Who knows, it might dethrone the undefeated champ that is Beauty and the Beast Girl.

[wangxianficfinder]

Fic Finder

Dec 27th

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1. Fic finder request!

Misnmian has a ghost in her apartment and ends up calling LWJ to go with her to meet WWX to get rid of the ghost. I don’t remember much other than she had to make the ghost soup or something? And then Wangxian hooked up at the end. I think it was short but had lots of cool details. Plz help!! 🥲

FOUND! wuchang by auberjing, hotpotluck_chaoscollective (M, 4k, MM & WWX, MM & LWJ, WangXian, Modern, Supernatural Elements, LWJ & MM Friendship, Past MM/WWX, MM & WWX Friendship, Businesswoman MM, Medium WWX, Professor LWJ, Cooking, MM's journey of self-discovery, Friendship, Self-Discovery, Family Feels, Bisexual WWX, Bisexual MM, Aromantic MM, Implied Sexual Content, Hopeful Ending, Family History, Additional Warnings In Author's Note, folk religion)

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2. hi, i can’t remember if i saw this fic on here or twitter but i can’t find it now and i’d really like to. all i remember about it is that the summary said that lwj and wwx hadn’t seen each other in a long time (might be exes) and wwx was now a famous singer. does anyone have an idea which fic it might be?

FOUND? Talisman by Witch_Nova221 (M, 192k, WangXian, Modern AU, Eventual Romance, Theatre, Rock Band, Childhood Friends, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Spousal Abuse, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff, Stalking, Minor Character Death, Friends to Lovers, Mutual Pining)

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3. hello!! i was wondering if you guys could help me find a fic- i was literally just rereading it not that long ago but for some reason i can’t find it. It’s a modern au of wangxian in which they are already married. Wwx was planning to go visit the jiangs for an event but lwj doesn’t want him to bc of of how they treat wwx poorly. They have an argument abt it and wwx eventually still goes, leaving lwj to sulk but over the next few days they still call each other constantly to check in even when they’re upset at each other and yeah it’s just fic of wangxian bickering like an old married couple @makkachiin

FOUND! tipping point by cherrywhiskey (M, 13k, WangXian, Established Relationship, Angst with a Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Married Couple, Married Life, Bickering, Idiots in Love, Fluff and Angst, Humor, Fights, Arguing, Making Up, Kissing, Angry Kissing, Making Out, Modern, POV Alternating, Fighting, love and loyalty through petty fights, it gets intense before it gets better, but only coz they're SO IN LOVE, WangXian fighting, no seriously, this is just a fic where husbands wangxian have a fight, like typical married couples, then they make up and make out, lots of banter)

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4. Hi! I'm looking for a fic where wei wuxian cross-dresses in burial mounds settlement days for hiding identity reasons, ends up enjoying being fem-presenting as much as masc, and saves the Wens by marrying LWJ as his fem identity. This fic is not My Leaves Reach Ever for the Sun for at least 2 reasons: 1st, Wwx's fem name had "lian" (I thought it was something really simple like lianhua but now I'm second guessing) in it for lotus. In LRES it was a ning yinying instead. 2nd, he was genderfluid/genderqueer, whereas in LRES it seems to be just cross-dressing. I remember one specific scene where WWX as his fem self is "meeting" lqr for the first time, and LQR approves of her a lot more than wwx lol

thanks for your help :) @classygreydove

FOUND! Wei Wuxian, Who’s That? by bumbledees (T, 48k, WangXian, Mild to Moderate Pining, lotus pier siblings quietly also have a penchant for chaos, WWX will make LQR like him whether the old man likes it or not, WWX just wants to have fun and not be killed, and also to go to his sister's wedding, WWX is more stubborn than a boulder and twice as dense, Nobody Dies, nobody who matters anyways, except for WN, you're an angel and we're delighted you're here, "WWX fools the entire cultivation world", "and kicks up drama in front of their salad", warnings for sexual harassment due to JGS, and for the canonical behavior of the jin clan, ie war crimes forced labor human trafficking etc., hello naughty jin cultivators it's revenge time :) ) Wei Ying being the best daughter in law to Lan Qiren one lol

NOT FOUND! Propagate Understanding by draechaeli (E, 175k, WangXian, Not Everyone Dies, Pregnancy Kink, Consensual Non-Consent, Light Bondage, Adoption, Adoption but WWX birthed them all, MXY Lives, MXY has an arc, Original Children Characters, Babies for Everyone, Crossdressing, Temporary Character Death, easy to skip nsfw chapters, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Canon Divergence)

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5. Hi! I am new here but I wanted ask about ff in ao3 where Lan sizhui and Lan Wangji searches for "Xian-gege" via television show its modern au @yuukikonnos-world

FOUND! Yesterday Once More by Sweetlittlevampire (T, 22k, WangXian, Modern, Reality Show, Long Lost Family AU, Adoption, Family Reunions, Reunions, Lost Love, Getting Back Together, Family Feels, Found Family, Angst with a Happy Ending, [Podfic] Yesterday Once More by shash_reads (sunkitten_shash))

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6. Hi! I'm looking for a fic that has a passage from LWJ's POV that goes something like "Do you love him? Yes. Did you have a choice? No. Would you have liked to? Yes. Would you have chosen differently? No." Unfortunately I can't remember anything at all about the story but that passage stuck with me and I'd like to read it again. Thanks for your help! @somehowbirds

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7. Hello to you all, and happy Holidays! I am looking for the fanfic (I think it was time travel) where Lan Zhan gets Madam Yu to give away Wei Ying for a single copper coin (I think). Then she finds out shes been played and gets angry. She attacks LZ, they fight but LZ wins. In this fic I believe thats how he gets his title (Hanguang-Jun). Then he leaves with WY. It's a well-known fic but for the life of me I can no longer find it! Please help! @dreammaiden21

FOUND! If Wishes Were Donkeys by NightOwl1 (M, 117k, WIP, WangXian, SVSSS, Time Travel Fix-It, Case Fic, Mpreg, Fluff and Humor, Dysfunctional Jiāng Family, Bad Parent YZY, WangXian Get a Happy Ending,   Period-Typical Homophobia, Crossdressing, LWJ and WWX Have a Breeding Kink, It’s All The System’s Fault, Post-Canon, Cloud Recesses Study Arc, Warning: JGS, Good Uncle LQR, LWJ and WWX Are LSZ’s Parents, Inappropriate Humor, Family Feels)

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8. Hi! This is fir fic finder. I dont remember much but it was in sunshot campign. WQ and MY work together i think. WQ search for the member of wen sect who wants to rebel to make an alliance. I think MY helped her but im not sure about this. WQ is in charge for healing a prisoner i think and using her skill in accupunture to make the prisoner appears dead and smuggle them out of nighless city. Im not sure if it was a different fic, but NMJ is outnumbered/ambushed by the wen and MY help him and hide in a cottage. MY dont know which side he wants to take but in the end he burn the cottage as NMJ flee. Thats all i can remember. Thanks! @idontknowwhattowriteforusername

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9. Hello I'm looking for a tumblr fic that was reposted on ao3. It's a modern au wangxian where the Jiang do not treat wwx well and the Lans are rich. Wwx accompanies jc to balls the lan organised just to make sure jc doesn't act out of line. They all eat together with lwj and the jiang start to shit on wwx only for lwj to say he's married? To wwx. Thank you very much in advance 💙

FOUND? The family I chose by Mialovesbl (Not rated, 12k, WangXian, LXC & WWX, WWX & WN & WQ, LQR & WWX, WWX &OFC, Modern, Jiang Family Bashing, JC Bashing, Bad Parents JFM & YZY, BAMF WWX, Everyone Loves WWX, Homophobic Language, BAMF WN, Married WangXian, CEO WWX, Child Abuse, Past Child Abuse, Good Uncle LQR)

FOUND? Confetti (on your lies) by imakirae (Not rated, 15k, WangXian, Mpreg, Pregnant WWX, Protective LWJ, Relationship Reveal, Modern, Toxic Jiangs, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse YZY Bashing, JC Bashing, Soft LQR, Confident WWX) They are not perfect matches but sound similar enough to the prompt that if they are not then I hope the asker will still enjoy them

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10. Hi, I'm looking for a fic where wwx started dating lwj on a bet from jc. The bet got revealed and lwj's feelings were severely hurt so wwx got kicked out by yzy. He ends up on the streets for awhile and ends up with the Wens at Yiling Cafe. Eventually lwj, who is now a musician, ends up coming across yiling cafe and Wwx on tour. They fall in love again and wwx was able to reconnect with jyl and jc through lwj. @foyoum

FOUND? 💖 love wakes me by dea_liberty (E, 46k, WangXian, Happy Ending, Angst, Childhood Sweethearts, Misunderstandings, Famous LWJ, Coffee Shop Owner WWX, Finding each other again, Found Families, lots and lots of feelings, so many feelings, Stupid Grand Romantic Gestures)

FOUND? 🔒 i swim in hollow lakes carved from memories (in neocities) by spookykingdomstarlight (T, 154k, WangXian, XiYao, Modern AU, Coffee Shops & Cafés, Music, Baking, Social Media, Misunderstandings, Consequences of Fake Dating Schemes, Flashbacks, Vlogger WWX, Professional Musician LWJ, Angst with a Happy Ending, Mistakes, Pining, Matchmaking, Romance, Illnesses, Slow Burn, Background SangNing, POV Multiple, Second Chances)

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11. Hello, I’m looking for a fic where the Jiang get involved in war with Jin against Wei Ying’s advice. He’s not close with the Jiang. He even puts a stop to a battle with Lan Zhan to save a village from a landslide. Eventually, he surrenders to Lan Zhan and is taken prisoner but is treated well because he was kind during the battles. @ruchiruchi123

FOUND? 🔒 Crossing Paths by Ilona22 (M, 21k, wangxian, shapeshifter au, graphic depictions of violence, war between sects, war crimes, not JC friendly, happy ending)

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12. Hello! I remembered a fic I read a couple years ago that takes place as a canin divergence during the Yi City arc, where Xue Yang succeeds in kidnapping Wei Wuxian and forces him to try and bring back Xiao Xingchen like he threatened. I can't remember much else about the fic, but I would love to reread it. Thank you so much! @peanutbutter-nutella

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13. Hi again and thank you so much for the last fic! I have another one. Its post burial grounds and wwx participates in the war but is changed and I remember there was this scene when he broke into a pile of skeletons after a disagreement(?) between himself, jc, jy and lw. They were horrified and wangji broke down crying gathering the skeletons in his arms. At the end they went to the burial grounds to free wwx @raven-hale

FOUND? Grief Kindly Stopped by ShanaStoryteller (Not Rated, 5k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Identity Porn, Angst with a Happy Ending, POV LWJ, AU after WWX gets dropped in the Burial Mounds, Light Horror, Fix-It) it's not an exact match but fairly similar to the description.

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14. Hiiii I’m so sorry I’ve asked this but unsure if I got a response and for some reason I’ve missed my email and I can’t find the thread. This fanfic was one where wwx is a like a demon or higher up and is very familiar with LZ. LZ needs find a match. He’s an omega I think. There’s a scene where he just suddenly appears and LZ caters to him like gives him tea and then there’s a scene where WWZ gets all handsy with him and says if you wanna marry marry me or something. This is all I remember @ruyilantern

FOUND? Sanctuary by lunarvelle (E, 153k, WangXian, WIP, A/B/O, Bottom LWJ, Alpha WWX, Omega LWJ, YLLZ WWX, Demon WWX, Intersex LWJ, Rape/Non-con Elements, Dubious Consent, Feminization, Pack Dynamics, Genderfluid Character, Genderqueer Character, Breastfeeding, Male Lactation, Lactation Kink)

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15. Hello here is a fic that has rolled in my head … I read it but typical I cannot find it and my history got deleted 🥲 the story goes like this;

wei ying has baby a-yuan sleeping inside a file cabinet when lan zhan comes in and finds the baby asleep questions WY then takes the baby and gets pampered by LQ and LXC and buy him expensive baby clothes brand name loui b or Chanel or another high end brand by the time WY caught up to them LQ or LXC went to the store to get baby furniture … or so

Thank you @bkpmystinen

~*~

16. If possible, there are two fics I would like to find.

A) Modern au Jiang Cheng meets canonverse Wei Ying and I think the ploy is Jiang Cheng trying to get him home?

B) Wei Ying dies during the core transfer and Jiang Cheng has to take him all the way to Qinghe so they cab give him a proper burial. @couldntgiveastraightanswer

16B)

FOUND? Impossible Remains by Jengabears (M, 128k, WangXIan, WIP, Major Character Death, Heavy Angst, Tragedy, Golden Core Transfer, Canon Divergence, Misunderstandings, Tragic Romance, Revenge, Betrayal, Guilt, Survivor Guilt, Childhood Memories, Grief/Mourning, Oaths & Vows, Gore, Insecurity, References to Depression, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Feelings, Self-Sacrifice, Ultimate Sacrifice, Guilty Conscience, Loss, Regret, Assumptions, Wrong Target, Sunshot Campaign, Major Original Character(s), No Demonic Cultivation, Sad, Action, sect politics, WWX has a good reputation, Yi City Arc Fix-It, Not Everyone Dies, Some Humor, BAMF NHS, War, Strategy & Tactics, Butterfly Effect, Fix-It of Sorts, Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Happy Ending, New sects, new powers, BAMF WN, Posthumous YZY bashing, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Non-Graphic Rape/Non-Con, Battle, Canon-Typical Violence, Fire)

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17. Hi! This is for fic finder. I only remember a few last chapter but it was an unfinished fic. In this fic i think WWX and LWJ is married. Lanling Jin attacks Gusu Lan under JGY. At first, he make a plan to draw WWX attention. At first, JGY think his plan success. But he found out in cloud recessess there are Nies cultivator waiting there. He found out someone outsmart him (it was NHS). I think he run away using a tunnel? I dont remember but they are in tunnel. LXC confront him there with some character that i dont remember. And then with JGY command there are explosion. He managed to run away a bit i think. WWX is in the tunnel but not with LXC. I think many cultivator either ally or foe is terrified of him. Thats all i can remember. Thanks! @idontknowwhattowriteforusername

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18. Help me find this fanfic where Lan Zhan and Wei Ying (cn Bucky and Mulan) entered military acad. There was time where Lan Zhan stepped on a land mine and Wei Ying ignored Lan Zhan when the latter said to abandon him already. Before or after that, Lan Zhan was shot by Su She or was it Jin Zixun. Something unfortunate happened after that and Lan Zhan couldn't do anything to help Wei Ying. Lan Zhan become a president I guess but it was a long time before he met Wei Ying again. As far as remember, the title was "your name on my chest" by anonymous for Lan Zhan marked his chest with Wei Ying's nameplate (the one they got on military) Thank you in advance. @lu-wanji

~*~

19. Another ficfinder request if you please

I don’t have a lot of details about this fic so I don’t really know how to search for it, but it was a wx mpreg story and what I remember most of all was wwx repeatedly asking for a chubby baby, and I think after it’s born lwj is like you got a chubby baby just like you wanted

FOUND! Post-war baby! by like_a_bird_that_flew (E, 24k, WangXian, JC & WWX & JYL, Canon Divergence, Fix-It, WangXian get together in the Zuanwu cave, this affects the plot, Mpreg, Secret Relationship, Relationship Reveal, Domestic Fluff, Good Uncle LQR, A-Yuan is Wangxian's son, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Humor, Crack Treated Seriously, brief mention of the Lan parent's dubious marriage, Weddings, Wedding Night, Eventual Smut, Established Relationship, petnames, Non-Graphic Depiction of Childbirth, Happy Ending, Pregnant WWX, Unplanned Pregnancy)

NOT FOUND! I think chapter 5 of Baby, You Ain’t Seen Nothing Yet by TriviasFolly (E, 177k, WangXian, Modern AU, A/B/O Dynamics, Alpha LWJ, Omega WWX, Omega LSZ, Mafia, Crime, Sects are Clans, Feral WWX, Feral Omegas, Nurse WWX, Dark LWJ, Dark WWX, Possessive LWJ, feminine WWX, wwx’s cannon desire to be a sugar baby/trophy wife, Breeding Kink, Mpreg)

~*~

20. Hii! I'm looking for a wangxian fic I think its A/B/O I don't remember much other than it had a part where husiang got with one of the wen sons to upset his father but then they actually liked eachother? Thank you :D

FOUND? Train Rides Change Everything by Seriana (E, 508k, WangXian, SangXu, ChengJue, ChenLi, Modern AU, Non-Traditional A/B/O Dynamics, Mpreg, Abusive Jiang Family, Alpha LWJ, Omega WWX, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Slut Shaming, Fluff and Angst, Unplanned Pregnancy, Abusive YZY, Bad Parents JFM and YZY, Beta JC, Omega JYL, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Beta NHS, WC Being an Asshole, Non-Consensual Drug Use, Misunderstandings, Mating Bites, Mating Cycles/In Heat, Scenting, Scent Marking, Slow Burn, Forced Marriage, First Time, Forced Bitching - Omegaverse, Alpha WX, Minor Character Death, Murder, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Kidnapping, drug overdose, Sexual Tension, Omega JC)

~*~

[gyougherea]

crp/mh pride hcs

got inspired by a mutual (the-s1lly-corner) <3 i wanna have a silly post about my silly guys. under cut bc i might get long

jeff the killer

jeff feels very greyrom/aro bisexual to me, i think he "prefers" women because he doesn't wanna admit he's bisexual at first. idk if he explicitly uses the greyrom label or anything but it describes him pretty well. he/him

liu woods / homicidal liu

can we give it up for TRANSHETS!!!!!!! realized he was trans (ftm) at a young age, didn't get to transition until adulthood because the only family who supported him was jeff. mainly to hide from his past he's also stealth about being transgender. he/him

sully (liu's cohost and protector) is arohet i think? idk haven't thought much but i do think liu and sully have slightly different seuxalities. it/he (EDIT: its sexuality is also influenced by the fact that it's an introject of jeff)

jane the killer

lesbian and also trans mtf!!! transbian jane epic win. i think she knew for a while that she was a lesbian and then also realized she was trans in high school as she was going further through puberty. i think she's femme lesbian specifically??? she/her

nina the killer

bisexual (initially had a pref for women, now just has a pref for the glasgow killer, aka jeff), cis girl but LOOOOOVES experimenting with pronouns!!! she/her default but PLEASE use neopronouns on her she would literally die for you if you got wacky with it

ben drowned

even if he wasn't ethereally both 12 and 32 he would still 100% be aroace. that shit does not intrigue him! he also uses he/they pronouns, maybe it/its. lost their gender in the whole becoming a computer shit

ticci toby

transmasc nonbinary, biromantic asexual! he/him pronouns specifically, despite not being a man he really leans into masculine terms and also even is on T and gave himself top surgery! yes. to himself. don't ask. it looks awful. world's worst top surgery scars award

clockwork

she/her. not butch not femme but a secret third thing (the butchest lesbian twitter can handle before getting scared /ref)

tim wright (two hcs)

normal hc is that he's biromantic aceflux! he doesn't really have a preference, frankly he's nervous about entering a serious relationship regardless of gender. his asexuality is kind of a roulette; he also probably falls between sex-neutral and sex-repulsed. he/him

"my house now" hc is that he's an intersex butch lesbian (not sure which exact intersex disorder but one of the ones i'm debating is something with 46,xx dsd?) that doesn't care about gender but uses he/him and masc terms because someone called him that and he was like "why not lol". he/him but frankly not offended if any other pronouns used

masky uses he/they in the first hc, it/its in the second hc

brian thomas (two hcs)

normal hc is that he's a gay man! discovered he was gay pretty early on in life and was probably tim's unofficial bisexual awakening back in college. very open about his identity, he's like the queer beacon in my eyes. he/him

"my house now" hc is that he's a lesbian and trans mtf! for the longest time she thought she was a bisexual man, but then in her late 20s to early 30s realized that not only did she feel like One Of The Girls(TM) but also that the only "man" she was attracted to was tim, who's not a man, so whoops! transbian time! she/her

hoodie uses he/it in the first hc, it/they in the second hc

jay merrick

trans ftm and bisexual! went on T but hasn't gotten top or bottom surgery before becoming the nefarious skully or whatever. cracked his egg in college, but probably figured out he was biseuxal in high school. he/him

skully uses no labels just vibes. queer/abrosexual and genderfluid are probably the labels that best describe them but again they don't fucking care. they/them default but sometimes uses others depending on which of their "many" are at the forefront

jessica locke

now if that's not the biggest lesbian i have ever seen in my life... her and taylor absolutely get married in lesbians after the comics are over. jessica probably always knew she didn't like boys but didn't realize she liked girls until a fateful sleepover in middle school or something. she/her

nothing specific for the others rn, might make a part 2 if i come up with more <3 adios

[t4transsexual]

have you ever dated cis women? when did you decide to be t4t?

i have dated a couple of cis women, one for a little while and we didnt get on because she was one of those fems who doesnt want their butch/masc/transmasc partner to have feelings and needs and also didnt want me to say no to sex and we didnt last long because i was deeply unhappy with her

as for when i decided to be t4t, i guess its probably about time i open up about the specific instance(s) that lead to me deciding to be exclusively t4t, because i havent actually talked about what pushed me to make the shift into exclusively dating trans people. i was trying to run a more positive page and frankly i wasnt really ready to talk about this so publicly, especially with the terf/transphobe interaction i get almost all the time on this account, but i figure i can now and ill probably turn off replies if i can figure out how

tw for graphic description of sexual assault and transphobia under the cut

when i started medically transitioning, i decided to try dating guys again. keep in mind i had a lot of comphet before deciding i was t4t; i basically only really beat that around 2022 when i turned 20. and i matched with a cis guy on tinder, who looked like he had a lot of personality judging by his photos i was 18, almost 19 at the time

literally the first thing this man says to me, after i tell him im trans, is "oh, cool, i love femboys." red flag #1. i said, "im not a femboy, i present masculinely, dont call me that." he apologized, and we moved on

at some point, we're talking about sex. he says hes very subby and a size queen. all fine, i told him i was a stone top/dom, i didnt really like experiencing penetration and it was painful for me due to a condition i had at the time. he says thats fine, everythings good. this will be important later

later, he tells me he told his parents i was trans. i asked him why, given that he both didnt ask me first and said his parents were transphobic. he says "my mom asked, was i just supposed to lie?" i say, yes. he apologizes, i /really/ want to call the whole thing off at this point but he seemed nice enough that maybe he just didnt know trans dating as well as i did

the entire relationship, he just says transphobic shit. he told me that he "understood why people didnt want to date trans people, because its a lot of baggage." he was an active alcoholic by the way. and also dating a trans person. he would neg me for being trans and then turn around and say that i was such a hot guy. he even misgendered me one time, and got upset at me for getting pissed about it, and made me believe i was overreacting. he made me believe that he was doing me a favor by ever dating me

at some point, we're at my parents house, and he tells me he wants to fuck me with his penis. i tell him no, that i dont want to, that i dont know about it, that im scared, pretty much anything i can say to get him to reconsider, but he argued and said itd be good for me and that i can choose which hole but it became very clear to me that i had no choice. so i said he could fuck my pussy

it was excruciating. it hurt so bad, but i knew i couldnt say no. he couldnt stay hard unless he was degrading me and i didnt want him to, so he kept making me jerk him off so he could keep raping me

eventually he stopped, and i wasnt even really aware i had been raped at first. ive been sexually abused by several people in my life and generally it has taken me a while to accept when ive been sexually abused by a person. so we kept dating like normal, long distance btw, but my mental health was deteriorating. i was suicidal for the first time in a while. i was self harming again. i couldnt stop thinking about killing myself.

eventually, he breaks up with me for being suicidal. he says im guilt tripping him or something, i dont remember. and that was december of 2021

we go no contact. i still dont realize he raped me. but i knew that there was something deeply wrong in the way our relationship was

right after him, i dated a trans woman who we went to the same high school. just the difference in how i was treated by her than by him, with her she treated me like i was an actual equal in the relationship. with him, he felt he was superior to me; like he "owned" me, or something

we broke up, we werent really compatible, but when i got with her, she taught me what being t4t was, and the implicit understanding and the comfort and safety i felt. after we broke up was when i decided i didnt like men, and still remained t4t after

i realized what he did to me was rape nearly a year later. he correctively raped me for being a stone top, more specifically, and i dont think he wouldve been "empowered" to rape me if i was a cis man, or even a cis woman. i understand that the "off" feeling i felt throughout that relationship was because he, as a cis person, felt superior over me as a trans person, and felt that if he wanted to fuck me, i shouldnt get a say. he talked about doing other actions to me that i didnt want done at the time, certainly not by him, and if we werent long distance, he probably wouldve raped me several more times

being with my current girlfriend, we click in a way that i havent felt with any cis person, the women included. she definitely isnt going to rape me for being trans. ive undergone physical therapy so that if i ever got raped again, it wouldnt hurt as bad, and it worked and ive actually enjoyed bottoming (consensually) with my girlfriend. she makes me feel very safe, and we understand each other and each others needs as trans people very well, and being with her has helped me process the time i was raped, and the several other times ive been sexually abused by other people

now that ive had time to process these things, i would say that i dont feel the same way around trans people (including me) dating cis people anymore. when i first started this account, i wouldve never admitted this then btw, i fully did not think trans people should date cis people, because i had fostered such a deep distrust of cis people as a result of that whole relationship and assault. i believed cis people would always be bad partners to trans people, but i dont believe that anymore. in the very unlikely circumstance i find myself single again, i may even consider dating a cis woman again. but probably not, because ive grown to really like the implicit understanding that we as trans people get with other trans people

thats why im t4t, and when i became t4t was around the beginning of 2022

[shera-dnd]

So to pass the time lately I played through Lies of P for the first time

And of course, me being me, I proceeded to make everything about the game gay

Tho what started as just "I think Carlo and Romeo are exes" and "Eugenie needs a girlfriend" turned into an actual honest to fuck queer reading after that final boss fight

tl;dr: Lies of P is to trans femmes what original Pinocchio is for trans mascs

but to explain my insanity I'm gonna have to spoil the shit out of the game soooooo you've been warned

Okay so for the sake of simplicity I'm gonna refer to Geppetto's son as Carlo and to the protagonist of the game as P. I know they have literally the same soul, but they don't share memories and don't seem to share a sense of identity, so I'm gonna treat them as different people here

Also it's important for The Symbolism, so bear with me here

So our dear P is this new person who is slowly building a sense of identity for himself, this being represented by you slowly growing more human the more you do certain things in the game

Like enjoying music, and lying to people

You know, normal human stuff

This eventually leads to one of the first big changes in P's character design. P grows his hair out, much to Geppetto's frustration.

Because P no longer looks like Carlo. He's starting to differentiate himself from the person Geppetto expects his son to be.

This tension between P's growing sense of self, and Geppetto's expectation for P to just turn into this image he has of Carlo, just continues to escalate

Culminating on the final boss fight against The Nameless Puppet

Carlo's corpse being used by Geppetto to claim back his son's soul

And that's when the old man says a line that makes me rethink who P and Carlo are

"This freedom isn't for you. It's for Carlo"

and you know, there's something about how to claim your freedom and keep your soul, you have to fight and defeat your own masculine body, which is being puppeteered by your controlling father, who has very strong opinions about who you're supposed to be

ESPECIALLY when said father keeps calling you a male name that is no longer yours

ESPECIALLY ESPECIALLY when the very first thing you do after that is sacrifice yourself so that your soul can be reborn in a feminine body

And like okay maybe this could be interpreted as kinda bad, because the way you unlock this ending is by lying through your teeth repeatedly, so it could kinda imply that P's new identity is a lie

But you gotta remember that nearly every lie she tells are just white lies to help people deal with a miserable fucking situation. And the only lies she tells about herself are all for the sake of self preservation

Like her first lie is her trying to get the security systems of the hotel from killing her

And her last lie is her telling her dad she trusts him

In the end P feels like a transfemme with a very strained relationship to her father, who still only sees her as "Carlo", the son he insists she should be.

Honestly there's probably a lot to be said about P and Carlo's relationship to Romeo, as well as Sophia's role in this story, but I'd need to play through the game again to get all the specific interactions aaaaand I don't feel like playing a video game twice back to back

fucking sue me

Anyways Lies of P is good and very easily read as queer, and you guys should definitely try it

[bigtimedaddy111]

I had asked you what happened in LO that had you so upset this time 🤣 it was like a month ago though, I think. So whatever happened a month ago

Take a seat, cause I got A LOT to say.

My god, more like what didn’t it do. I make sure to scrub my webtoon of anything relating to Lore Olympus, and sometimes I like to re-read it to piss myself off and by god does it work without fail every time.

First off, I feel the need to address the most obvious one, Persephone, Hades and Demeter. In the comic, Persephone and Hades’ relationship is often called out for the romanticization of grooming, while also using rape as nothing more than an unnecessary plot device at the hands of a god that never even touched her in the og, to which the author, Rachel, doesn’t even do a proper job of bringing justice to. Persephone is so weak in the comic, which I know is a strong word to use, but there is quite literally no other way I can think to put it, while also at the same time being the definition of a mary sue. And then the obvious antagonistic Demeter, aka the grieving mother whose feelings and actions were 100% valid.

Not to mention the lack of proper lgbt representation. I remember reading it, and thinking about all the couples that could have been mentioned, but then Rachel up and left them out, and instead decided to make Hestia and Athena a couple, Athena being made with a more masc presenting design which I honest to god mistook as a man at first. Speaking of antagonizing gods, APOLLO. I know he may not be the most popular Olympian, which I blame for this comic in particular because of the large influence it has. I have always been an Apollo and Ares girly.

Rachel not only erased his bisexuality, along with other gods like Hermes, but Ares doesn’t seem to fond of women to me, which never made sense considering that he constantly aided and respected women all throughout his myths.

I don’t even know what she’s going to do with Patrochilles now that Achilles was just introduced.

I

Hate

This

Fucking

Comic

[redux-sikfox]

Dunno how to start this post off, so I guess Happy Pride Month! And this post is just like... About me? No rhyme or reason or explanations. Just talking to myself really.

Guess I can start off saying I'm AFAB and have been attracted to men for most of my life. Started off in high school, not knowing why I was intimidating and not being the target of people's affection outside of friendship. To thinking relationships were a lot of hard work, but was still kinda sad not ever being included. Or not really having a connection with my friends because everyone was dating someone so I didn't have that core experience that people could talk about and share stories with.

Graduated and started working, and found that people actually found me attractive. School just wasn't a good space for that kind of thing for me because I was a quiet weeb who liked to ignore everyone and listen to music, and also had no sense in fashion. Now I'm testing out new fashion (as much as I can with a dress-code at work) and seeing what I like.

Then, slowly realizing that I was ace because a lot of the guys who were interested in me kinda just wanted to hook up, and I wasn't down with that. Which got me called 'she's secretly a man' by a lot of guys at work. Then I got confused about being Ace for awhile because I like to write smut a lot, though I tend to write mostly MLM. So then I worried if I was fetishizing gay men. So I toned it down a lot. Around this time, "Fetishizing" was huge and everyone was pointing fingers for dumb reasons, so I shoved that part of me down except for in certain groups where I felt like I was safe.

Two jobs later and I hear about people becoming trans more often. Never thought it would be me, though I've hated my body since I was 16. I just didn't connect the dots that there were people out there who hated their bodies/gender just like me who could do something about it. But surgeries scare me so I figured, I'm not trans. Trans are for people who can get those surgeries, and medication, and who look like the gender they want to be. But I still wasn't happy being me. So I figured I was agender or non-binary.

Nowadays, I know that that's not how it works. And you can still be trans without getting any of that stuff. And me being attracted to men? Turns out, I'm just attracted to masculine people. Men, women, in between. And that attraction made me want to be masc too. Found that out sometime last year into this one. I'm in my 30s now.

Straight logic says that I'm still a woman because my body hasn't changed and I'm still attracted to men. But pride logic states that I am whatever I wanna be; to be comfortable in my own skin, and I think I'd rather listen to that than be forced into a box. Labels can be confusing. So just be what you want to be. You don't have to prepare a speech. You don't have to justify anything. And things will change as you grow. You could be one thing one year, and something completely different in the next.

So in the end, I guess those guys at work were right. I am a man. And being attracted to other men/masculine people, I would have never dated any of those bumpkin fucks. And I still write my MLM smut. Though I am trying to branch out a bit. Not because I'm worried about what other people think anymore, but because I'm learning new things and testing what I like.

Still very ace right now. And that's okay. My writing lets me live through whatever I think I want without the commitment or ordeal of being with someone. But that may change in the future too. I won't know til it happens. There's literally no rush. I might go back to being non-binary one day, who's to say? No one knows. Not even me. I like being a safe space for people, and I've had thoughts about that. If I commit to being a guy, will that scare certain people away that would have felt more comfortable with me if I was a woman or neutral?

I have a lot of thoughts about these types of things. But I think it's important to prioritize yourself first before others. Because if they don't think I'm good enough, they can always find others that meet that criteria. I think I'm good enough, and I have a lot of friends who think the same. I'm like a special interest only few people have, ya know? And I think a lot of people fall under that. You won't be palatable for everyone, and that's okay.

[awellboiledicicle]

So the polycule talked me into playing Corruption of Champions under the me-bait of calling it research.

It's actually very fun, the problem is i keep having the rpg worry of "oh no i just spent 5 days looking for wood and nails, what if i miss Plot Events?" and then remembering those really only depend on me popping up with specific stat levels.

So far I have an ant wife with 25 children [and counting] building a subterranean network down the way, a monk named Jojo helping me stave off corruption while watching me try very hard to not drop shit on myself while building a house. Because he's not helping. Which, fair, he's in his anime meditation of angst. I have 6 kids with this goblin lady that keeps showing up at random. And a litter of mouse babies with a mouse girl that was like "listen i need to repopulate my village/rebuild my people and you're not a rape happy corruption beast. Help?" and i was like "ok sure" and then we became friends and i think she likes me after i helped deliver the babies. I keep trying to visit her and check on the kiddos but a ghost in the ruins is super into me and keeps intercepting me. C'mon ma'am they're all gonna think i'm skipping child support. I'm also in a relationship with a chronically ill lizard guy that's teaching me magic. A wolf lady on the guard of the only safe town i've found so far that's got severe loneliness issues that she drowns in alcohol [we talked about it, and i told her she doesn't have to change things if she doesn't want to, but being aware of why she leans on drink is important]. A catgirl i'm slowly trying to train into being a guard so she can have literally any life that isn't "i live in an alley behind the pawn shop and live off stolen milk". She's sweet but also slow going on the authority learning because she's seen the other side and yeah. I wish her story was more "and you can come adventure with me c:" instead of "listen, the only skills you got are be a cop because all that takes is hitting things".

Also i found a gargoyle that was abused by her former master and has trauma around sex. I take my time to reassure her and learn about her and help her clean up the cathedral she's in.

Also there's a bunny dancer that's zero'd in on me but since i keep forgetting to go to the bar i've seen her 1 whole time. Also there's a cupcake seller that i'm 90% sure is supposed to just be nymph pinkie pie.

All this is very fun but also i'm sitting here wondering how the reality warping that lets you travel around easily effects the environment. And how the time dilation wrapped into the pregnancy kink would effect the ecology. Because if a goblin takes like 3 days max to have two kids, and i can fuck more than one at a time, that means there should be hella goblins. The game mentions, however, there are factors that curb the population but doesn't say what. Am deeply curious. Also deeply curious what importing the ant wife from the desert is going to do to the forest, but that's more long term.

Also there's like. dungeons? to clear and explore? but i keep being very sure i'm gonna die if i go in there so every time i see one in like. the desert the sphynx is like "you gonna go in?" "maybe next time" "you wanna fuck?" "nah im looking for nails"

I also keep trying to fight the antlion monsters. Which just leads into it cooing that we're not so different because my character isn't 100% Big Man Of Fuck Mountain Masc, before knocking me up with eggs. Which is fine, but i can only assume my pants are a fucking lost cause at this point.

I also befriended the giant turtle lady in the lake.

A narrative running trend i'm noticing is a wild amount of loneliness and isolation brought on by how others react to peoples bodies. The violence of the actual demon invasion is one thing, but the knock on effects of how its changed the biology and culture of the remaining survivors is very interesting. I'm also noticing a heavy amount of "so the environment is also fucked up" in terms of literal and figurative pollution.

But what deeply keeps hooking me is that like... the premise begins with "If you, Chosen Yearly Sacrifice, do not enter this portal and Die Fighting, bad things will happen to the rest of us." Not demons, not monsters, not some incursion of horrible energy... just like. People getting sick. Crops failing. Bad weather. Which sure, could be related, but it's a much more mundane and expected-- grounded, i suppose-- occurrence. Meanwhile people on the other side of the portal are just like "listen, if its not trying to fuck me or kill me on sight, maybe i can talk with it bc goddamn" bc that's the every day for them. Its not even particularly shocking a danger to them anymore. Bad, certainly horrible, but very much a "yes this could happen" in the same way running out of water in the desert is an assumed danger. A matter of time sort of thing.

I know the creator most definitely did not intend someone to sit there and ponder, while doing fifty explore rounds for nails, the sociological impact of this whole thing. But i'm me and the game only manages to make me horny a few times every couple hours so i gotta ponder something.

Also my character's name is Fifi. He's very canine in appearance while also managing a v long beard and shaggy hair because i keep forgetting the barber exists. I forget many things exist. It's a problem.

[robotpussy]

um identity crisis rant ✌️✌️ putting it under a cut because um it's kind of unnecessary. also I'm deleting this soon.

ok so yea I'm not sure if I'm bisexual or a lesbian..... I've felt this way for years. I'm attracted to men when I make them up. or when I barely interact with them. and I know a lot of ppl have this experience and still wouldn't consider themselves lesbians. but lately I've really been.... dismissive of men. when my friend came over a few weeks ago she wanted to talk about boys and whatever and I was just like... I don't care about dating men????? like if I ever do have a boyfriend, they will literally be my butch... my stud... my transmasc (not trans man: trans masc doesn't always = trans man) lover, just anybody who wants me to call them my boyfriend. but not like. a man?

and every experience I've had with a man has been so underwhelming, or at least leaves me feeling anything but bliss. I'm bored, I'm annoyed, I'm angry, I'm sad, I don't feel good 😭😭😭 I also keep "crushing" on men who are unavailable for me. they're already in a relationship or they only date men. and the crushes aren't even crushes, it's limerence. it's obsession. it's "I can't eat or concentrate when you're not around" it's almost like I keep going for ppl (specifically talking abt ppl in relationships) because I know I can't have them but I need somebody to think about... like yea I know when someone is attractive but when it comes to men I don't even like the idea of dating. I just like thinking about how attractive they are? but I don't want to love you..... I don't want to spend my life with you. i just want to think about how I think you're attractive

when I've kissed women/girls in the past, and only kissed, I can't stop thinking about it. I'm always devastated when we have to stop. but in those moments they were euphoric, my chest is going to burst open and my heart will cry from happiness compared to when I've kissed men and I just want it to be over.

I know I shouldn't focus on my lack of desire for men but lately I feel like my attraction to men feels forced!!!!!!!!! it feels unnatural to me!!! when I think about men I feel like I'm doing something wrong. and I've already gotten the dreaded "you just haven't found the right man yet!!!" line when talking about this and maybe that is so! I don't know.

but lately when I call myself bisexual I feel like I'm lying to myself. but I'm not used to calling myself a lesbian yet because maybe I'm not one? I'm young. I have a long way to go when it comes to self discovery. I just wish I knew already. this feeling of not knowing what I am or who I am makes me feel sick (literally I felt so sick at work today my head hurt, my stomach hurt, my chest hurt and yes I did eat today! so I know it wasn't that!!) idk I'm overwhelmed by this now but I'm sure I'll find peace soon. I'm doing too much for someone who knows gender isn't real and doesn't even have one. whatever it's a Tuesday evening. there are other things to worry about like getting to the weekend 😑😑😑

[pinkyjulien]

🌈 Queerness in CyberPunk 2077

I wanted to make this post earlier this month but got caught up in modding shenanigans, as per usual~

BUT! It's still June, still pride, so here it is :>

▶ DISCLAIMER

All of this is my analyses, headcanons, of different characters, some of them not confirmed at all in anyway or form! I'm a queer man myself, but I do not claim to know everything about queerness and being queer, everyone experience the game and interpret the characters differently 🤲 This is only my opinions, based off canon game events, clues, hints, as well as developpers's tweets, streams, files datamining etc etc Please do not see this thread as an attack, or as something invalidating! I'm more than curious to heard what you think about my personal analyses, if you agree, if you don't, and why! If you think other characters also display hints of queerness I'd love to hear it too! 💙

This picture is an update I did in 2022 of lil collage I did back in 2021~

I posted the first version on Reddit back in 2021 and it created this whole "what do mean JOHNNY is GAY?" (because a rainbow behind a man automatically means he's Gay and nothing else right) and a lot of biphobia over his character in particular (gasp- THE rockerboy?! Biseggsual?? In my viddy game??)

▶ You can look at the thread here and have a lil laugh

SO, NATURALLY, after doing the 2022 collage, I went and uploaded it to reddit once again! Because triggering bigots and seeing them stumble over their own tongues trying to debunk everything is really funny ✨

However, I instantly muted the thread and let it rot in its own sauce for some days, weeks, only coming back to it later and Oh Boy 👀

I did a thread on Twitter last year exploring everything that was said on the thread and explaining why I put certain characters on it

Thought it'd be cool and fun to re-explore that and share my thoughts with y'all here SO LETS GET BACK TO IT 😌🤙

▶▶▶

I'll mainly paste screenshots of what I already said on my twitter thread, but I might add some things there and there!

Damn I was kinda pissed off back then HGHFHGF but yeah, this is also the reason I won't ever make any straight or super straight flags I do not headcanon Delamain as Asexual, as there isn't any confirmation anywhere that he's interest in that kind of interaction or not, but I'll come back to him later!

Goro being canonly Queer is often missed, and this surprises me, considering he's one of the popular character! He is interested (or not) equally in both Fem and Masc V, giving he's replying to them the exact same ways! This isn't something done randomly by the devs :)

As said in the tweet, there isn't any direct and clear evidence of Mitch and Scorpion being a couple! Their relationship is heavily queer coded and queer people are more easily picking up on it than non-queer peoeple (and that's normal) Gay men have called their male partner Friend, Best friend and Brother through history maaaany many time, and that's part of my interpretation of their relationship too, especially giving they're both veterans who fought in the same war. The poem Mitch wrotes during "I'll Fly Away" (heavily implied) is romantic and gay coded, the gay novel in Mitch's tent (confirmed to be on purpose) is what we call environnemental story telling, it's subtle but adds to a character's backstory and lore! As for the datamining, I found a Mitch awkwardly explaining to V that no, Saul doesn't have any say in whatever he's doing with Scorpion stuff "because.... because... eh, that's just family stuff"

Note on Delamain here because I've heard it even caused some drama here on Tumblr that I said that? He uses He/Him to describe himself, the Main Entity, but multiples of his splites entities uses She/Her, meaning he's literally Non-Binary in how his entity is formed (I find it really cool for an AI ngl ngl) However if my headcanon offended anyone, I apologize! and I'd love to hear others interpretation :3

There isn't any open and visible MLM gay couple in Cyberpunk 2077! Bouncing off ElvenBeard's amazing analyses and thoughts on Kerry's sexuality, he can be seen as Bisexual (confirmed by RTAL themselves) and Homosexual (confirmed by the devs before and after the game released) he can be Both and Both are correct depending on how you view his character and how he grew from his past relationship (Bisexual with a masc preference, Bisexual who have to heal from his marriage, Gay man who realized his sexuality later after a wonky marriage, etc)

The whole "Responsability=Wife" Takemura take angers me to no end, taking its roots in heteronormativity- We see Goro care for his job above all else, to me that's what his "responsability" is and always was; his job

Nothing more to add here- Jackie's only relationship we see in game is with Misty, this doesn't confirm nor deny anything! (However with how he react to V pushing him, lip-bitting and all regardless of gender, I can totally see him as being queer)

AND That's about it!

It was interesting to dig into that thread last year and thought I'd share that here, as a refresher that Johnny is Bi, Takemura too, and smaller characters like Mitch and Evelynn still have clear hints of queerness to them ✨

I really like how CP77 touches on queerness, it feels realistic, it doesn't feel forced; which, sadly, create this problem of "UH?? This is pure LIES" if a character's sexuality is not splattered in your face, which then create the "Ugh why does it have to be forced down our throat" complains

Something something, lesson here is that people will always complain about queerness, be it loud, be it subtle, so fuck it! Scream it, go apeshit over small details, over-analyse everything cause chances are: this is intentional!

More Characters

I later noticed that Regina have a naked lady tattooed on her forearm, and since we know nothing is done randomly in CDPR's video games, makes me think that she might be sapphic in some way ✨

Mateo is also one of my fav "potential queer", how he could be a trans man, but there isn't anything really to support that other than that one interaction with V

▶ Link to the updated collage Reddit Thread

▶ Link to my Twitter breakdown

[maniaparty]

the dawning realization that amores gender is complicated postgame is goingt okill me. Anyways. Check this out:

like obviously ingame and out of game amore would always call herself a woman but she never really was connected to being super feminine...? i guess?

like as a kid yeah, she was raised very feminine. i think it showed in the Single pic of baby amore: she was soo traditionally #girl. the only reason she stopped presenting as feminine (i.e. not rlly wearing dresses, no jewelry, not veiling, no makeup, ect. ect.) was. bcuz she & the rest of the living vespas are extremely poor and she really was just focused on workweitgwep

it's not like something that she missed either, her gender identity really just didnt matter to her tbh. it still doesn't, she just defaults to whatever's easiest cause she reallyyyy does not care to think much about it (cisgender sense.)

it gets crazy postgame cuz she does take on a very intentionally more masculine look because she loves dorothy. I'M NOT SAYING THAT DOROTHY DOESN'T LIKE AMORE AS IS BTW. this is not a change that she takes on cause of some weird thing like that, but she is very conscientious of the fact that dorothy is a transwoman. not only that but they would also be two girls in a relationship, one of them literally being a famous singer so its like?!>@@! she really didn't want to mess up dorothy's career by accident

so, obviously she does start to clean herself up and present more masculine/pretends to be a guy/ ect ect. she really doesn't have much of a "gender journey" so much as she just starts leaning more into being a guy.

like if i had to describe amore's postgame gender its "cis girl pretends to be a cis man but doesn't actually care" like that is the best description. she doesnt care in the nonbinary sense she just doesn't careweiuthgpwqit

also another thing: back when amore was in italy she was kind of rlly used to lgbt people? crazy thing to note, i know. she didn't grow up around the stigmatization (as much, obviously it was still the early 1900s) the only time she realized it was "weird" was when she immigrated to america. n she was always just confused about it but she never really said anything. my reasoning for her being open about flirting with beautiful women.... the whole time... it wasn't just because it was funny! THERWAS PLANNING!!! I PROMISE...!!!!!

just realized none of this even mentions the fact that shes a father postgame. which is also crazy. jade and i still need t o talk about that but i feel like she only starts appearing masc postbaby

[chicmntndie]

My headcanons

I said I liked other dorms too and this is me trying to prove it

literally just the basics like where I think they’re from in our world equivalent and gender/sexuality type stuff unless I get inspired

also yay I finally worked out formatting

Heartslaybul:

Riddle: either a trans man or a trans woman I don’t make the rules. I feel like Riddle wouldn’t care much about gender so long as he loved someone but doesn’t know how labels work (sheltered childhood does that to you) definitely British. Ace: Either cis and supportive but will tease you or somewhere nonbinary and masc leaning. I headcanon him as biromantic (no preference) and Demi or grey sexual He’s Latinx but like specifically from Spain Deuce: Genderfluid. But is way too nice to correct anyone. Bisexual with a slight male preference (he likes big muscles) Latinx as well but specifically from Mexico Him and Ace 1000% argue in Spanish in front of their dorm to pretty much everyone’s confusion. It’s heightened by the fact that Ace is using Spain Spanish and Deuce is using Mexican Spanish Trey: Trans male in my brain but really he’s a token cis. Very supportive, though. Doesn’t really care what pronouns you use on him. Sometimes him and Cater will test pronouns for Cater by using them for each other so Cater doesn’t feel alone or like a burden for wanting “weird” pronouns. Identifies as bisexual. For some reason my brain sees Trey one of two ways- as pasty as canon and British like Riddle or black and German Cater: they/them nonbinary. They want to distance themself from the feminine cute but also don’t want to be a macho masculine man so when they discovered the label nonbinary they were beyond delighted. Online they probably go by neos but with schoolmates they are generally referred to be he/him and are too scared to correct anyone. I see Cater as French. Why? I don’t know.

Savanaclaw:

Leona: Cis man but also doesn’t care what pronouns you use. Identifies as gay but if he fell for a woman he would just kinda shrug and change it. Somewhere on the ace spectrum as well but is too lazy to find a name for it. can you tell I��m asexual from this- From around Namibia Ruggie: trans man. If asked what his sexuality is he would say something along the lines of “I’m attracted to a comfortable life and good food” He’s really demisexual. South African Jack: Gonna be upfront, Jack is my least favorite character so I don’t have much to say. This is a cis Good Boy who loves his partners (the first years) very much. Polyamorous and pansexual. From Russia’s area it’s 3 am I can’t remember the name of that area but that

Octavinelle:

Gonna preface this one by saying that since under the ocean gender, sexuality, and number of partners don’t matter much, the whole of Octavinelle don’t care much. In fact, when Floyd first heard about gender he asked if it was edible. If they absolutely had to put a label, this is what they’d go with in my mind Azul: Genderfluid but defaults to she/her. Pansexual and polyamorous. Italian/Spanish I mean look at his name Jade: Trans female. Bisexual with a female preference and polyamorous. Italian Floyd: Refuses to label himself at all for gender because he thinks it’s utterly stupid but goes by he/him. Can’t see a difference between platonic and romantic relationships so he just sort of. Loves everyone? He calls it romantic because what do you mean humans don’t just kiss each other for love? And snuggle? Only one person? Preposterous. Literally doesn’t understand that some people aren’t polyamorous and keeps flirting with everyone, much to the horror of Riddle and Ace when Riddle caught Floyd kissing Ace on the cheek while Riddle was dating Floyd. Floyd explained it and Riddle was a bit confused at first but realized he was also polyamorous upon looking into it. They are both dating Ace now. oh he’s also Italian.

Scarabia:

Kalim: trans female to the horror of her parents. She accidentally came out at a huge family gathering. Bisexual with a heavy female preference. Also has a very hard time distinguishing between platonic and romantic attraction so she just sort of treats everyone like a lover. Jamil is suffering. Jamil: Another definitely trans but I can’t say which. Bisexual and traumatized away from relationships. Also on the ace spectrum and probably the aro spectrum, though he’s not sure.

Pomefiore:

Vil: trans fem but goes by she/he. Really doesn’t like they because she feels it’s dehumanizing. A lesbian. Polyamorous but only in closed circles. German obviously, again look at the name Rook: also trans fem but is just she/her. Also like Kalim and Floyd has a hard time distinguishing and acts like how she is- a little in love with everyone. Though she’s not always the best about flirting and loves Vil and Epel just a bit more than the rest From Northern Africa Epel: yes I know it’s somewhat against canon but I headcanon Epel as nonbinary she/he in order of preference. Okay okay, hear me out. While Epel is super sick of just being seen as feminine and wants to be seen as masculine, seeing Vil makes her realize that being feminine doesn’t have to mean she’s weak and in fact can make her stronger. With that, he realizes he doesn’t have to reject femininity but also doesn’t have to be hyper masculine so people won’t just see him as a girl. Vil calling him a pretty boy AND a pretty may have also had a hand in it /j Norwegian

Ignihyde:

oh my god Ignihyde I have way to many headcanons for them keep it simple yes post crazy amount of headcanons later be warned I have feelings about Ortho Idia: Yet another character I can’t decide if I see as trans male or trans female but he’s one of these (though I tend to go for trans male) He is very bisexual with a female preference. He doesn’t mean to seem creepy in front of people, but he’s too shy to talk to anyone so when he does he comes off as a creep because he’ll shout something like “YOUR CHEST LOOKS GOOD IN THAT!” And run away. He meant it as a compliment but nope most people won’t see it that way Greek Idia is my passion. I will not be taking arguments. He definitely swears in an older form of Greek that STYX uses while gaming so people can’t get mad at him because there’s no way they know it. One time Lilia responded and oh boy panic lead to a deeper friendship OG Ortho: knew he was trans from a very young age, this carried over to the AI and later the combined Ortho soul thingy (post ch 6 ortho) POST CHAPTER 6 Ortho: asexual spectrum and unlabeled romantically. Definitely got a bit of a crush on Vil, though whether that’s aesthetic, romantic, or sexual, Ortho doesn’t know. Greek as well, duh

Diasomnia:

same drill as octavinelle Malleus: A literal dragon. Doesn’t care what you call him so long as you call him. Also doesn’t understand that oh my god Malleus you can’t just kiss (insert partner) on the cheek in plain daylight. Irish Lilia: Genderfluid and uses this to prank people. Has been with every gender and loves all equally Originally from the German area, but moved around a lot to the center of Briar Valley and now lives in Ireland Silver: Goes by he/him for others convince but when Kalim came out and started crying on him in fear after that dinner he immediately switched to she around Kalim and Jamil in support of Kalim. Views love the same way as Kalim, loving a bit of everyone. Born in Serbia but now lives with Lilia and Malleus in the equivalent of Ireland Sebek: cis male but doesn’t mind any pronouns. Polyamorous and unlabeled Half German half Irish

enjoy my sleep deprived fueled bullshit and have a nice morning/day/evening

[starry-skies-116]

Times I should've realized I was trans af-🏳️‍⚧️⚧🏳️‍⚧️

Back in 3rd grade, when my hair grew long enough, I’d tie it up into a ponytail, drape the hair over my head to make it look like a masc haircut, clip it so that it would stay in place, and then place a beanie over it to cover the clips. I’d always be in the school restrooms, pretending to be a man. One time I even walked into the boys restroom during recess- that moment for me was the most euphoric moment in my entire year of third grade.

One time, I wanted to a little social experiment at 13- this was before I got my first period. I went out masquerading as a boy with my Mum, and the shopowner called me ‘handsome’ and praised my mom for ‘raising such a good son’. I felt so happy until my Mum corrected the shopowner that I was a ‘girl’. Thanks, Mum. /sarc

I LOVED pixie and boycuts, but my mom forbade me from getting one (hence me doing the shit I did in number one).

When I learned the term ‘transgender’, I thought that it couldn’t possibly me me due to the stereotypes that have been implanted forcibly inside my head about gender roles. Then, as I watched more and more trans youtubers and videos and learned more and more, I realized “Hey, this shit actually fits me”. Sometimes I didn't feel any gender at all (agender moment-)

One time, I accidentally walked in on a guy peeing in first grade because his dumbass forgot to lock the door. I got chewed out by my disgusting and toxic first grade teacher way more than I should have, but it was in that moment that I realized “Damn. I wish I was born a guy.”

My original favorite colors were purple, blue, yellow, black and white. I was just brainwashed into being forced to like pink by my family because “OH YOU’RE A GIRL YOU HAVE TO LIKE PINK.” I was so uncomfortable with that statement, and aggressively tried to follow it to please my family until my friend said “There’s no such thing as boy or girl things, you do you.” So thank you, friend from elementary school, I owe you everything. 😀

Over Christmas, I’d always watch my cis friends get what they want as gifts. I’d ask for legos and dolls, they’d give me the ‘feminine’ version. I’d ask for new shoes, they’d give me those god-awful neon pink and purple ones. I’d want transformers action figures, they’d give me Monster High dolls. Not that I don’t like Monster High, but still. TF my mates.

I’d always want to attend the parties and community gatherings of the men in our community, and my Dad would jokingly say he’d bring me along if I was a man. My heart would never fail to NOT sink at such a statement.

MULAN.

Doesn’t matter if you think of Mulan as transmasc, transfem, nonbinary, cisgender or literally anything else. Every trans child watching this literally went *vine boom*. INCLUDING ME. YOU CAN’T DENY THAT, BUDDY.

Whenever my Mum would joke about me getting married to a man and having children, I would feel incredibly uncomfortable and ask to change the topic. Of course, they obliged, but the sour taste wouldn’t leave for at least an entire week- and that’s rich coming from me, because my ADHD ass usually forget things very quickly (could also be an intersex moment- I have a weird-ass relationship with ‘biological sex’).

When I got my first period at 13 years old, it was very light, just barely noticeable bleeding. It didn’t make me feel all too dysphoric, and I thought to myself: “Y’know, maybe having a period isn’t so bad.” That is, until my parents threw a Voni ceremony, a ceremony celebrating when an AFAB has her first menustration and she’s deemed physically and spiritually a young woman. It was SO awful, dolled up in makeup and jewelry and dressed up in all the saris they forced me to wear. I couldn’t recognize myself in the mirror, but it would’ve broken my heart to shatter the happy expressions of my grandparents. Why couldn’t I have just been their grandson and not their granddaughter…? Actually, y’know what, screw it- even if I was born a guy, I probably still would’ve been trans. (enby moment-)

I was actually happy when me and my mother learned from my doctor that I had PCOS and was thereby intersex at 14. There was an explanation for my hair growth! I liked my body and facial hair- but then came when my mother subjected me to torturous monthly waxing appointments, diets, and forced birth control pills. They even told me I had a ‘high testosterone content’, discussing estrogen treatment, and referred to me as a ‘young lady’ throughout it all. It took all my effort to not cry on the way home.

One time, all my loose shirts were in the washer, so I had to wear a tight shirt. Not only was my autistic ass screaming at how tight and uncomfortable the fabric was, but at how it showed my chest. People were staring- they never commented, but I could already imagine their thoughts. I never wanted to perish more than in that very moment.

The only things I like about my current body are my hips and thighs. Oh, and my thick-ass sideburns, facial and bodily hair, and eyebrows.

I really want to be broad like an AMAB, have a deeper voice like a guy. I’d occasionally ask my parents ‘well what if I was a boy’ or say shit like ‘I wish I was a boy’. I still do.

[erigold13261]

hey uhh what are your lgbt headcanons for the interns

Nothing is set in stone for me. I see other people’s ideas that I like and change up in my head a lot so anything I say here can probably change. Also I was gonna draw the characters with their flags or something but considering I can’t decide, I am just gonna ramble.

Norma: I’ve seen people call her a lesbian, which I like a lot, but I can also see her as asexual or at least aromantic. An aro lesbian seems like a nice fit for her. I can also see her as either a cis woman or trans woman, keeping the she/her pronouns.

Lizzie: I think I saw someone use all pronouns for Lizzie and I honestly love that. So like for me, He/It/They/She, mainly It/They with He/She being put in every so often. I’ll probably forget about this tho, but I really like that as an idea! Gender-wise would probably be either agender, genderfluid, or nonbinary. I’m liking agender. For sexuality... hmmm, this one I’m not sure about, I’d honestly like it to be asexual as well, but that I just because I really like Lizzie and want to project onto them, but also being pan or bi is something they could definitely be!

Morris: He/Him for Morris, and probably gay, or bi/pan/omni leaning a bit to the masc side, tho he probably doesn’t realize that yet. I can see him being pretty fluid and open in his sexuality, willing to try new things when he can. Um, probably a cis man, could be nonbinary.

Adam: Either a straight trans man, or an intersex person who likes women. Pronouns would probably be mainly he/him but he’d experiment with other pronouns and neopronouns, especially with Lizzie. Trying new things to see what sticks or doesn’t. Honestly I can see Adam trying yo/yoself pronouns for a while, maybe they stick or not, idk.

Sam: Definitely a neopronoun user. Has a whole list. Any pronouns work for Sam, except maybe it/its pronouns. So like, the standard she/her/they, but also things like ze/xir/mew/star. I can even see them using emojis when texting as pronouns. Literally just have fun with pronouns with Sam, she’d love it. And xe’d be aromantic but wanting a queer platonic relationship someday. With gender they would still identify as a woman, but does not care about gendered terms being used on them though likes it when people mix things up for fun instead of just using the same identifiers for xir.

Gisu: Trans woman. She/her. Either like straight or poly. Or like polyamorous but only attracted to guys, something like that. She can appreciate a woman’s beauty, and could romantically date one, but is sexually attracted to guys, or at the very least masc people. I don’t know if I am explaining this right. Though, honestly in some interpretations of Gisu I can see her being aromantic or just unlabelled. The only reason I am leaning towards the first part is because I am starting to come around to the Gisu/Dion ship, though her being aromantic and dating Dion is something that is definitely possible. Like Sam, she could want a queer platonic relationship with guys.

Raz: Raz is technically an intern so I’ll add... him? I’ll be honest, I saw Raz as a cis man (boy? considering Raz is younger would boy be a better word? idk), but then I started seeing trans Raz, both transmasc and transfem. And I really like both of those ideas. Kinda leaning a bit more towards the transmasc idea, but honestly transfem Raz where she realizes she’s a woman later in life and has Lilly to help is something really nice to think about. So Raz’s gender is in the air for me, but I do think Raz would like women at the very least, either just women or both genders (and anything inbetween). So Raz either Raz being straight (transmasc), a lesbian (transfem), or bisexual works for me. Transmac Raz would be he/him for a long time and then go to he/they at some point, while transfem Raz would start off as she/they and then go entirely to she/her.