#and also send more fics to read

[hyper-fixated-princess]

I’m at the point where I’m not sure if what I know is actually canon or if it was something I read in an emotionally wrecking one shot on the Ao3 at 04:13 am

[partfae]

Sauron, Galadriel, & Tolkien's Theology of Repentance - Part One

Summary: Character meta analysis on Sauron (and Galadriel, through the lens of Sauron). Based on both Silmarillion & RoP canon. 3.5k words. Discussion of Catholic theology involved. Blanket TW for discussion of violence, manipulation, etc., because Sauron. Spoilers for S1 & S2 and the Silmarillion, of course. The tragedy of Sauron is that he gets offered so many legitimate chances at redemption and forgiveness, and he denies them every single time. But we know he wants absolution, because that’s what he sees Galadriel as: his chance to bind himself back to the light, to be Mairon again, to heal the pain that he caused and that was caused to him under Morgoth. But because he has such a warped view of himself and his actions, he dismisses genuine extensions of compassion, forgiveness, and care as simultaneously beneath him and too good for him. And yet, he still pursues redemption, but through none of the channels offered to him.

In The Rings of Power, he’s given the explicit instruction to change for the good in the village after he’s reborn. He’s given the chance leave his past behind and work meaningfully in Númenor. He’s given the chance to redeem himself by Galadriel's offer of friendship (or love, depending on your interpretation). In the Silmarillion, he's even given the chance by Eönwë himself, and comes close to leaving Morgoth behind completely!

Let's look at this passage from Of the Rings of Power and the Third Age (emphasis mine):

When Thangorodrim was broken and Morgoth overthrown, Sauron put on his fair hue again and did obeisance to Eönwë the herald of Manwë, and abjured all his evil deeds. And some hold that this was not at first falsely done, but that Sauron in truth repented, if only out of fear, being dismayed by the fall of Morgoth and the great wrath of the Lords of the West. But it was not in the power of Eönwë to pardon those of his own order, and he commanded Sauron to return to Aman and there receive the judgement of Manwë. Then Sauron was ashamed, and he was unwilling to return in humiliation to receive from the Valar a sentence, it might be, of long servitude in proof of his good faith; for under Morgoth his power had been great. Therefore when Eönwë departed he hid himself in Middle-earth; and he fell back into evil, for the bonds that Morgoth had laid upon him were very strong.

This passage is clear that Eönwë is willing to pardon Sauron--he simply did not posses the power to do so. But when Sauron was told he must appeal directly Manwë, he gave up entirely and skulked back to Middle-earth. There are a few ways to read this:

1. He was not wholly repentant

Sauron simply wanted the protection of a new master in the absence of Melkor. i.e., he was rather fickle and simply wanted to be on whatever the "winning" side was. This is supported by the text literally saying that at least some of his obeisance was completely false, and that he only made a point of feeling bad about anything once his master had been chucked into the Void and his armies and strongholds were being destroyed (Thangorodrim). In this reading, perhaps Eönwë saw Sauron's treachery and referred him to Manwë knowing that it would be a test of his true intent. However, while a valid interpretation, I believe this to be the less holistic of the two.

2. He was truly repentant

Sauron did truly feel badly and "abjured all his evil deeds," but he was unwilling/unable to humble himself after being so fundamentally broken by Melkor and developing an insatiable power lust (hey, he isn't defined in the narrative by lust and pride for nothing).

Earlier in this same chapter, Tolkien wrote that Sauron could "...deceive all but the most wary." This is in the specific context of his physical shapeshifting. But, I would argue that this can also be tied to his lies. Tolkien has a specific ethic of beauty, where physical perfection is equated with moral goodness. Sauron completely inverts what is otherwise a hard and fast rule within Tolkien's writings by being the character most frequently described as "fair"--seven times to Lúthien's six, and she was the most beautiful woman to have ever lived!

(Side note: I have another post on Tolkien & beauty in the works where I'll get more into this idea)

Why does this matter? Even though this interaction with Eönwë takes place in the First Age, Sauron could at this point be in the demonic form Mirdania describes in the forge. And, I am inclined to believe that Eönwë, as the head Maiar and herald of Manwë, would be a pretty wary guy, and thus able to sense any of Sauron's trickery. I read this to mean that Eönwë looked at Sauron and saw his potential to be Mairon again, either in absence of his evil form or in spite of it.

Because Sauron is incredibly beautiful. And even if it is a disguise of the true, depreciated form of his spiritual essence, he presented himself to Eönwë at his most beautiful. He wanted, even in his act of repentance, to make himself more favorable in Eönwë's eyes. To show up as Mairon (who was likely close friends with Eönwë before everything went down, since they are considered to be two of the most powerful Maia and would have worked closely together).

But I don't think this was all manipulation on Sauron's end. I agree with the scholars mentioned in the text who believed that Sauron was truly repentant--which is why Eönwë even bothered referring him to Manwë instead of kicking him into the Void with Melkor.

And this is the tragedy: Sauron is told exactly how to repent, and believes fundamentally that it is an impossible path for him. And yet, he still longs so intrinsically for it! He was, under Aulë, a Maia of precision, perfection, and order. Under Morgoth, he feels disordered, dis-regulated. He needs to correct the fundamental imbalance within him, so why does he flee Eönwë?

It comes back to Sauron's pride.

If he follows through with this path of reconciliation, there is no way he can hide or pretend his actions away. If he cannot trick his fellow Maiar, he certainly cannot trick the Valar. And he cannot stand the idea of submitting himself back under their rule, especially now that he has tasted power. This is a pride wound; it is why the idea of confessing to Manwë would be humiliating to him as opposed to just upsetting/uncomfortable.

Again, the pivotal moment: he is told how to make amends for crimes and determines that he cannot do it. So he returns to Middle-earth and stews in his own self-hated and self-pity for a few years. In that time, he consciously or subconsciously latches onto Eönwë's offer--forgiveness from penance. It is the way forward. And if he cannot earn penance at Manwë's hand, he will do it on his own.

The Prodigal Son

This is where we have to talk about the Catholic roots of Tolkien's work for a moment. The scene where Sauron approaches Eönwë mirrors the biblical parable of the prodigal son. In this story, a man abandons his family, spends all his money, and falls into ruin. But when he recognizes his failings and returns to his father to get help, he is welcomed back into the family without question--in other words, he is forgiven and restored to his former position.

17 But when he [the prodigal son] came to himself he said, “How many of my father’s hired hands have bread enough and to spare, but here I am dying of hunger! 18 I will get up and go to my father, and I will say to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against heaven and before you; 19 I am no longer worthy to be called your son; treat me like one of your hired hands.’” 20 So he set off and went to his father. But while he was still far off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion; he ran and put his arms around him and kissed him. - Luke 15:11-32, NRSV CE (emphasis mine)

The parallel is clear; Mairon, the repentant Maia, returns home with hopes of reconciliation. He is prescribed the same task that the prodigal son offered to his father: he must be bound in servitude to his father/creator in order to pay off his debts. This is a deliberate allusion from Tolkien. The story of the prodigal son models the path of reconciliation that Eönwë describes. Tolkien seems to be drawing a line in the sand with this: Sauron is unwilling to do the work required by the Valar for repentance, so he is unable to receive the grace of a warm welcome back into the fold of the Ainur. Since he did not humble himself, he has to be told to do it. And he does not want to! He wants to be loved, but he also wants his power--evidence, in a way, of how his character was fundamentally altered in his time with Morgoth.

His pride--and his fear--cut him off from the potential of grace. He does not know for certain that Manwë would subject him to servitude (though I would argue that it's textually evident that it is a custom), but this assumption leads him to flee, which allows him to slip back into his old ways.

He wants to be Mairon (admirable) again, not Sauron (abhorrent). He wants to be accepted and loved, but not punished. He wants the benefits of reconciliation without the work he would have to do to earn it or the shame he would feel as he did. It's pride, but it's also deep shame--the flip side of his extreme ego is an implicit self-hatred, one that we can see in the subtext of how he speaks about himself and about his time with Morgoth.

Even the language Tolkien uses is heavily shame-coded, especially in a Catholic context; Mairon did not go willingly, he was "seduced." He admits to Celebrimbor that he was "tortured by a god". It becomes exceedingly clear through both text and on-screen canon that Sauron was routinely broken and abused for centuries. This has fundamentally damaged his self-perception, which is ultimately what leads him to "[fall] back into evil"--whether due to pride or shame, he hides, perhaps because he consciously or subconsciously does not believe that he deserves forgiveness, no matter how much he craves it.

Naked in the Garden

His flight back to Middle-earth after meeting Eönwë is reminiscent of another biblical scene, where Adam and Eve, after committing the first sin, hide from God in shame and fear (emphasis mine):

7 Then the eyes of both were opened, and they knew that they were naked...9 But the Lord God called to the man, and said to him, “Where are you?” 10 He said, “I heard the sound of you in the garden, and I was afraid, because I was naked; and I hid myself.” -Genesis 7-10, NRSV CE

The image of nakedness is, here, one of vulnerability, and Tolkien establishes that Sauron fears that which he cannot control. He needs the Rings under his power. He needs his armies and his enemies under his watchful eye. He is petrified of letting his power slip away (possibly due to never wanting to feel powerless in the hands of a Vala, fallen or not, again).

The biblical allusion here hearkens back to the fear Tolkien describes Sauron as feeling regarding his return to the Ainur. In the religious system Tolkien has established, which is likely inspired by his own religious beliefs, Sauron has sinned, and must make penance. But he is afraid of God/Manwë, and does not want to "let go" of his sin. In other words, he is not truly repentant. This reflects the Catholic sacrament of confession, which requires self-reflection and resolve to never commit the sin again.

Instead of shame driving him to contrition, it drives him to isolation.

But he still wants forgiveness. So, in his years of hiding in Middle-earth, he decides to earn it himself. His own way.

Enter the Rings.

Sauron wants to perfect the wrong he wreaked so that he can both earn his way back into the Ainur and keep his power. But what he does not realize is that this does not work. Eönwë is clear that he must forsake his true temptation--absolute power--through penance by submission. Yet Sauron in his pride thinks he can have it all. Sauron is a very carefully controlled villain, and the only times he snaps or makes significant mistakes are when his inflated self-perception is challenged, revealing the self-loathing and/or self-pity underneath. The best example of this is when he kills Celebrimbor prematurely, and cries afterwards. Why? Because Celebrimbor was right about him, and he hates it. He hates knowing that he is nothing more than the Morgoth's shadow, because Morgoth was his master as much as he was his tormentor. As Sauron puts it, his relationship with Morgoth was often defined by pain as a test to see "whose will was the mightier":

This image carries more shame, both in its implicit sexual connotations and in the simple power dynamic of it. Sauron, even though misguided, is rallying against Morgoth. He wants to break what Morgoth has created and build something new, something better, something apart from his old master entirely. But Celebrimbor confronts him with reality: he has not created something new, and perfect, and special, as he so wanted to--he can only act in imitation, not in generation. And when he got close with the Rings, it cost him everything. It's almost like he wants the power of a Vala, and loathes that he cannot attain it.

And this is why he becomes so singularly obsessed with Galadriel.

She’s his foil. They both crave power and adoration, but in the end of things, she does not fold under his temptation. She turns down everything she has ever wanted for the greater good and for the sake of her own soul. Sauron looks at Galadriel and perceives that she would have succeeded at Eönwë's test because she is willing and able to humble herself. This maddens him to the point of both desiring her and desiring to break her.

She learns that she is easily tempted and becomes strong enough to handle it (through a lot of tough love from Elrond & co.). She has to learn how to do it, but she is able to.

She grows from someone who resisted and rejected authority to someone who is trusted as an authority because of her ability to wield it wisely (see: Gil-galad allowing her to answer for him in 2x08).

In other words, she earns the trust, love, and support of her community. Sauron has to force his to comply—it is an illusion of love.

His possessive obsession with her also stems from her fairness. She was the object of her uncle Fëanor's obsessive desire for creation as well. Her hair was the inspiration of the Silmarils (see: The History of Galadriel and Celeborn; The Shibboleth of Fëanor - source with page #s here), which Morgoth desired more than anything to possess.

Sauron, wanting to spite his master, wants one better--to own that which inspired the Silmarils, to own the image of fairness (and thus of moral good) completely. This is why he wants to bind himself to her. This is why he needs her. He sees Galadriel as his mechanism of repentance, and his last triumph over Morgoth. Winning her is his salvation as much as it is proving that his will is the mightier. It is his way of dominating Morgoth. This starts, I think, as a genuine effort at proving himself to the Valar, but quickly consumes him entirely. He is overcome with the desire for revenge, just as Galadriel was at the beginning of the First Age.

And he sees this in her. Sees their similarities. Sees that she, too, is angry and lonely and so afraid of losing her power. And he leverages that to befriend her. This is where it gets ambiguous and you can read RoP as either painting the image of Sauron being earnest but completely misguided in his proposal, or you can see it as him being entirely manipulative.

I think the truth of that scene probably falls somewhere in the middle; just like when he presents himself to Eönwë, he is sincere in his desire, but only knows how to present it in an inherently contriving way. He does want to bind her to him, so he tries to only reveal to her the good aspect of that desire (and also of his desire for power, which he allows her to see because he believes that it is good and also because she understands it), and not the ugly underside of his internal struggle against Morgoth, the Valar, and himself.

And I do think, in his own way, he cared about her. Galadriel consistently shows kindness and compassion to him. In S1, they grow to know each other's minds and souls, and she considers him a close friend. He finds comfort in this, that someone could see the blackness of his heart and care for him anyway. He thought, in his isolation, that he lost that chance when he fled back to Middle-earth. And here is the very picture of the light itself telling him that she supports him, that she sees the good in him, that she wants to help him set the world to rights! Of course he is infatuated by this. Of course he also wants to use it. He is Sauron.

But Galadriel succeeds where he fails, so he stops playing nice and tries to forcibly drag her down with him. First, by baiting her with the image of the man she cared deeply for:

Then, by reminding her of all she is losing by rejecting him:

And she is still strong enough to say no. And not just to say no, but to shut the door completely. To look in the face of everything she has desired for centuries and turn it down, understanding that it will ruin her. Yes, she hesitates. Yes, she still wants it (wants him). But she wins the day by holding fast to the light that Sauron wishes so badly to bind himself to.

Because she has lost everything--her brother, her husband, the station as commander, the trust of her high king and best friend--and earns it back only through her resistance of her greatest temptation. It is a struggle, it is painful, it nearly kills her--but she does it. She wins the test that Sauron could not even bear to face.

In their headlong, self-sacrificial tendencies, they are the same. Both view themselves as fundamentally stronger/better than their peers while also being deeply lonely due to their self-imposed isolation (Galadriel's laser-focused hunt for revenge, Sauron's exile in Middle-earth). But to Galadriel, the light is more important than her pride.

For Sauron, the light is his source of pride. He desires it more than anything, but condemns himself to never being able to touch it due to his rejection of Eönwë's offer. Paradoxically, he tries to grasp at it through Galadriel, the living silmaril, and succeeds only in darkening her. We learn from Gil-galad in 2x08 that his crown piercing her flesh in an act of brutal domination nearly strips her soul from her and pitches it into the unseen world. In this, Sauron is saying: If I cannot have you, I will force you to need me. I will break you into loving me.

He says this to Celebrimbor as well. He no longer knows how to love properly. He only knows how to inflict pain until this object of his obessive desire needs him--just like how his immortal spirit was broken into submission by Morgoth. And isn't this revealing of his own sense of self? He refuses to suffer the path of light, but willingly suffers the maddening path of darkness because it is a comfortable, familiar suffering. One, he tells Celebrimbor, he even grew to enjoy (2x08). As the path of the Rings drive him madder and madder, his desire for the light (Galadriel) and the return of his power (Celebrimbor) become further disordered and corrupted until they culminate in him destroying them--and his chance at earning/owning them--entirely.

And this is Sauron's ultimate point of no return (which we will hopefully see in S3 🤞). The razing of Eregion and slaying of Celebrimbor were acts of petty rage he committed when his pride was injured. This was the final nail in the coffin. Galadriel, in her rejection of him, ruins what he sees as his true chance for redemption.

Galadriel, now stepping into the role of Eönwë, re-opens the invitation: "Heal yourself!" (2x08). But in rage and shame and stubborn pride, he turns it down again. I believe this is where his desire to heal Middle-earth shifts fundamentally into desire to dominate Middle-earth. He always wanted to rule, but now he wants to own.

[fyoht]

season 2 + nods to 'crowley was raphael' truthers

[justaz]

merlin being forced to confront the fact that he’s failing his people bc he’s sitting idly by while uther slaughters them all and coming to the decision that he has to act to save them but that’ll make him camelot enemy no. 1 but technically he already was they just didn’t know it. merlin spending a week all morose but unwilling to talk about it and spending as much time with his friends as possible. on his last night in camelot, he goes to arthur’s chambers and the prince is confused on why he’s there. merlin drops a sealed letter on his desk before pulling arthur into a gentle and emotional kiss. they barely separate, their lips hardly a breath apart, and merlin asks for forgiveness. arthur, thinking he’s apologizing for the kiss, tells him there’s nothing to forgive and goes in for a second kiss but merlin pulls away, knowing that that one brief kiss was all he could handle. if he lets arthur kiss him the way he’s dreamt of being kissed, he won’t be able to do what he needs to do, he won’t be able to leave. merlin tells him good night and leaves before arthur can react. he’s gone by dawn.

[ind1c0lite]

Being a menace to ur partner and stealing his glasses <33

[eucalyptusbuck]

some bi buck fic recs!!!

it had to be done. i think mostly bucktommy, but some buddie, some eddie pov, and some just buck being bi <3

the gift you gave him - @bibibuck (or Eddie helps Tommy be a good boyfriend to Buck and realizes in the process that maybe he's wanted to be Buck's boyfriend all along.)

as lucky as us - @bucktommys or, Ravi continually suffers as a third-wheel.

you've got me surrounded - @thatnerdemryn Buck never understood why he had lost so many sweatshirts and button-downs to past girlfriends. Nine times out of ten, they didn't even remotely fit their figure and they were only worn in the comfort of Buck's home anyways.

Then he puts on Tommy's pullover, and everything makes a little more sense.

just kiss me slowly - @capseycartwright tommy does this thing, when he kisses buck.

This Old Love Has Me Bound - @littlespoonevan In an attempt to better understand his newfound bisexuality, Buck tries to figure out if he ever missed any signs with guys before. The universe keeps interrupting every time he's about to think about Eddie.

every little thing the sun shows, well it’s worth it - @capseycartwright or - after his kiss with Tommy, Buck goes to Hen.

(fragile) handle with care - @rogerzsteven Buck gets hurt on a call, Tommy looks after him.

somethin' tells me you know why i lie - @clusterbuck OR: buck brings tommy to the madney wedding. eddie is absolutely, definitively not jealous.

[nress]

Its him!!

(outfit by @/se3s1de (this post))

[cherryatombomb]

list of aus i think fit soapghost perfectly and want to read but am too lazy/busy/whatever to write

parent ghost x teacher soap. ghost leaves the military after his nephew ends up orphaned, and ends up falling in love with his teacher, who is very dramatic and very lovely and oh god hes so cute

another alternative is where they are BOTH parents. ghost who took in his nephew, and soap who ended up with a kid one way or another. their kids end up loving eachother, so they have to keep interacting - a bit of forced proximity where they end up falling for one another

tattoo artist soap x flower shop owner ghost. soap who works across the street and works every day to see this highly tattooed and gruff man work in the flower shop. he goes in at least once a week to buy flowers (and talk to simon, of course, it's just an excuse). simon who thinks soap is annoying to begin with but begins to fall in love with him, but also WHY is he buying so many flowers?? hello??

alternatively, tattoo artist soap x piercer ghost. no i will not be elaborating (ghost with piercings is so real to me)

au where the 141 has to disband for various reasons and each member goes their own way. they try to keep in contact but life ends up getting in the way. price brings in the 141 to reunite after so many years apart, and both simon and johnny have to cope with their feelings reigniting - are they ready to let each other go after so long? probably not!

physical therapist ghost x injured soap after las almas. price has insisted he sees a physical therapist for his arm. soap initially complains until he meets the man - and now he's head over heels. when his injury begins to heal, he has to find a way to work up the courage to ask simon out (and possibly fake still being injured in order to work that courage up, hehe)

firefighter ghost x an extremely unlucky soap. a soap whos a civilian that always ends up accidentally in danger - car crash? yep. house fire? yep. it's all worthwhile when he finds the firefighter extremely handsome, even underneath that facemask... maybe he brings cookies over to the fire station, a snack to show his gratitude, and things blossom from there

medic soap x soldier ghost. soap who's there to - physically - help simon heal through his injuries several times throughout his life, after roba, then after various missions, etc. both of them end up falling in love with one another after a long amount of time... a good mixture of fluff and angst

bartender ghost x military soap. ghost who works in a bar most frequented by the military bc of its close proximity to base, and soap, who should be an annoyance, but he really does enjoy his presence the more they get to know one another.

famous soap x bodyguard ghost. im sure this has been done but oh what a good trope. fans keep theorizing over the mysterious skull man whos always at soaps side, who soap keeps smiling all fondly over. ghost whos gruff abt this dramatic man to begin with but ends up falling head over heels in love with him.

nextdoor neighbour au where soap and ghost, you guessed it, live next to eachother. maybe ghost is agoraphobic, he struggles with leaving the house - maybe he's a writer, so he never really has to - and soap moves in, runs into him a few times, and is determined to get to know him. fluff - and some angst - ensues

chance first meeting au where soap has a dog who's normally very good, but for some reason today is insisting on running up to the cute jogger he normally sees run through the park. it's love at first sight when the jogger - ghost - crouches down and offers him a treat, because apparently he keeps a whole pocket of treats just in case he sees any animals who want them. they end up running into eachother near enough every day, and begin to fall for eachother.

[ohitslen]

🌸Trigun fics recommendations🌸

Links are attached!🌈✨

Dropping the fics I’ve read so far in my free time with summary and all that :) [in no specific order] oh and these are almost all Vashwood so brace yourself for that. I did put a warning in my description

‼️Be aware that most of these take place in Trimax so spoilers are a given‼️ it’s up to you to read the tags to have a better idea of its contents im just here to provide the list 🫡

1. “Falling stars” by Dozycerberus

“When a set of twins are found wandering the desert without any family in sight, Hopeland Orphanage is the only logical place they would end up.”

One of my personal favorites! If not my favorite. All I have for this one is praises.

2. “Love and it’s decisive pain (sunlight)” by FlowerCitti

“He hears a rumbling laugh, like the wisps of cigarette smoke and the crack of the first shot in a gunfight, like the pleasant sting of whiskey in his throat— “I take it that he was looking for you, huh?” A voice rasps from behind him, and everything in Vash feels like it comes to a halt. He knows that voice.”

Reincarnation fic (you will see a lot of these) that I willingly let destroy me. You will also see lots of Flower’s works here, they are great at hurt/comfort trust me.

3. “Donuts are one way to the heart, the other one is with a knife” by Dezace

Another favorite author of mine that you will see more works of on this list.

Vashwood antics, them being sweet and a angst sprinkled here and there.

This is actually a collection of works that I definitely could list individually but this list is way too long for that— so, feel free to check it out! How vague I know OAJSKW

4. “Tell me why your hands are cold (show me how)” by desertblooms

“Wolfwood eases him back down into the bed. Runs a hand through his own hair, digging his nails in just to feel the burn because he’s seriously starting to think he’s bitten off more than he can chew. “You idiot,” he breathes into the open air, “I’m goin’ to kill you when you wake up.” If the sickness doesn’t get to him first. But that thought goes unspoken.”

Sick fic you know how it is. “I need you” absolutely life changing.

5. “Forgive me father for I have sinned-Wolfwood (P.S. He isn’t sorry at all)” by Dezace

““I want to fuck a priest.”

“A good one?”

"Yes."

“I understand.”

“Good, good.” (Or: Vash and Wolfwood are fucking thirsty for each other and everyone suffers(Except Meryl, she has popcorn ready))”

Crack fic! Because it’s needed after you’re drenched in angst. I know what you read. You’ll appreciate a cackle or two.

6. “Bendición ” by varilien

“Having been dating for as long as they have, Wolfwood's known that it was only a matter of time before Vash popped the "do you want to meet my mom?" question, although admittedly he was hoping he could put it off a little longer.”

Modern setting in where Wolfwood meets Rem (she’s alive so that’s always a plus), and it’s so sweet and it’s pure fluff. That’s all.

7. “Bag of bones” by chaiku

“Not only was he fucked up physically, but he fucked up in front of Vash of all people. He was the last person in the world that Wolfwood wanted to see him like that: broken and helpless. And now he would also need to explain it all…His head hurt just from thinking about it.”

Wolfwood being vulnerable. That’s all I’m gonna say to hook you in.

8. “Who’s to say I don’t hold everything in my hands?” by Dezace

“Wolfwood likes to try and figure out Vash the Stampede whenever he had the chance. Traveling with him gives some insight into the man behind the bounty. He doesn't mind what he finds.”

Vash being the smarty pants he is! I love to see it. It’s so lovely I adore it.

9. “To the white of your eye” by Dezace

“Vash doesn't only have scars across his body. Wolfwood finds out and nothing changes.”

Face scar Vash is on.the.table. You’ll notice a trend in Dezace’s work of how WW is down bad for Vash no matter what and honestly I can relate to that heavily, we all love Vash.

10. “Hold my body down” by The_IPRE

“You're dead.” Vash's eyes are shiny behind the glasses, unshed tears barely held back. “We waited! We tried to bring you back! I kept them from burying you for as long as I could but you were dead!” Wolfwood lets himself follow the pull on his shirt, leans into Vash’s space to rest their foreheads together. “Guess I’m pretty hard to get rid of, huh?”

So basically, WW is all casual about coming back from being “dead” and Vash isn’t. Hurt/comfort mhm.

[ghostly-cabbage]

I have officially edited and updated my DP fic recommendation document

I've so far only used it for friends but now I'm wondering if any of you guys would be interested...

[adamprrishcycle]

There are 3 certainties in life: death, taxes and the fact that me, @clotpolesonly and @lizpaige will read and comment on your decladam fics

[sainz100]

upcoming Carlos x chess content soon ❤️♟️✨

[otaku553]

I just want u to know that your art is my comfort art, I love looking at it whenever I’m feeling meh or tired, like right now lol.

Since I see that you seem to enjoy the ASL trio, I recommend reading don’t bury me with gold by anonymous on ao3. I think you’d like it, considering how you described your love for Sabo a few posts ago! It’s a Sabo-centric fic too!

https://archiveofourown.org/works/25577467/chapters/62072158

HI HELLO YOU HAVE EXCELLENT TASTE

this is one of my favorite fics in the entire fandom actually. Holy shit. It’s funny that you should recommend it because I have ranted about it nonstop to my friends for a while about it

The characterization of Sabo is just so perfect in this???? The thing is that in canon, Sabo doesn’t end up having to choose between his nobility and being a revolutionary, mostly because his ties to his nobility are already cut by his amnesia, but also because he has no reason to remain a noble in the first place beyond the leverage they try to hold over him. Sabo as a world noble however Cannot leave his situation because it is the way he is the most useful to the revolutionaries.

Also their deconstruction of the way the world nobles operate and how they choose successors among the nobles is excellent. The fact that they actively look for those who are able to see outside of the conditioning they have applied to their children to have them lead and uphold their corrupt institution is so interesting?? Not to mention Sabo’s entire struggle between his morality and his nobility and how in this he is surrounded by a scenario that makes it all the harder to uphold his morality and how there are times when he does actually feel the need to make Imu or the elders proud and just ughhghshdghsdgjsdg

I love everything about this fic and I wish there were more of it lmao I went on a spree after this fic of looking for more sabo-centric fics that placed him in an inescapable position as a noble but nothing hits quite as hard as this fic

[the-eclectic-wonderer]

I always think about how in multiple episodes it's basically canon that Blanche is bi but considers dating women to be more hassle (which is a whole rabbit hole to go down - does she struggle with societal homophobia when she's with women? Has she only been with fellow high maintenance femmes when shes really after a Dorothy type? Has she internalized the idea that her attraction to women isn't 'real'? Her reaction to Clayton adds to these questions). Not to mention how this goes together with her relationships with the girls; making to kiss Rose that one time (and Rose multiple times seeming very aware of Blanche's proclivities), begging Dorothy for 'relief' and being convinced she's attracted to women too.

Yes, anon! It’s really interesting to delve into Blanche’s psyche about all this stuff!

I started writing down my thoughts and ended up with a long ramble -- allow me to place it all under a cut, so I don't clog up anyone's dash, haha.

Personally, I think she has some strong mental blocks when it comes to her sexuality because of the way she was brought up. I mean, she grew up in Atlanta approx in the 1930s/1940s — I’m sure I don’t have to detail the kind of casual bigotry she must have seen around her during her formative years! Just look at the story she recounts in S1E13 A Little Romance:

“Now, you have to understand that in those days in the South a lot of things were still taboo. Certain people were not to mix. So Benjamin and I had to meet in secret. Oh, we knew if any of the bigots in town found out about us, there’d be a terrible scandal.”

And all of this because Benjamin was a yankee… can you imagine what ‘the bigots in town’ thought about homosexuality? Yeah, I’m pretty sure Blanche learned to suppress that part of herself very early on. We know she turns to denial when she’s faced with uncomfortable truths and emotions she can’t deal with, so I think she likely just refuses to acknowledge that part of herself most of the time, and it only comes out (pun intended!) when she’s not paying much attention to things, or when there’s something more important going on. See the two examples you point out: when she tries to kiss Rose she’s concerned with not being kissed at midnight, and when she propositions Dorothy she’s, well… she’s desperate to get some, if we can be frank.

When she’s in a more rational state, her reactions tend to be more measured… but not by much. She does advise Rose not to date women (S3E10 The Audit):

“Oh, no, honey, don’t do that! No job is worth having to date women!”

But she’s also really flattered at receiving lots and lots of phone calls from women, after her appearance as a ‘lesbian’ on TV (S7E15 Goodbye, Mr Gordon):

“By the way, Dorothy, if I were a lesbian, I sure would be a popular one. Look at this, 20 calls.”

And of course we can’t forget her reaction to finding out that Jean has a crush on Rose in S2E5 Isn’t It Romantic?:

“Jean has the hots for Rose? I don’t believe it, I do not believe it! […] To think Jean would prefer Rose over me? That’s ridiculous! […] Now you tell me the truth: if you had to pick between Rose and me, who would you pick? Who?”

All of these are (likely) intended to be jokes about her vanity and her libertine nature (in the same way as Rose’s observations are), but considering a lot of the writers of this show were queer themselves, it wouldn’t seem strange to me if they were intentionally peppered in to suggest that Blanche might be a bisexual in denial. It certainly fits her character!

I haven’t spoken about her reaction to Clayton’s coming out yet, but that’s immensely interesting too, of course. I think Blanche has the same attitude towards homosexuality that I see in a lot of (mostly older) people in my Country nowadays: it’s fine as a general concept, but when it comes to her family (or, God forbid, herself) then the problems come out. See for example what she says about Jean:

“Well, I’ll never understand what Jean doesn’t see in the opposite sex, but if that makes her happy, that’s fine by me!”

Which isn’t a homophobic attitude at all! If anything, if you take her upbringing into account, it’s pretty accepting. But then, when Clayton comes out to her (S4E9 Scared Straight) and tells her he wants to get married (S6E14 Sister Of The Bride), this is what she says:

“Oh, Clayton, please be serious. You're just saying that so I won't set you up with any more women. […] Well, then you're saying it 'cause you're trying to get back at me for something. Clay, I know you too well for this. After all, I know it can't be true. You're my brother. […] Clayton Hollingsworth. You look me in the face and tell me you really are… what you just said you are.”

“I'm having a little trouble putting this all together. Clayton, I just feel like I don't know you anymore.”

“[…] Dorothy, that's different. We're talking about going out in public. Oh, what are people gonna say?”

“Will you tell me why you want to put yourself and Doug through this? You know how people can be.”

“Oh, look, I can accept the fact that he's gay, but why does he have to slip a ring on this guy's finger so the whole world will know?”

Quite the difference from her attitude towards Jean, wouldn’t you say? I think there’s three elements at play here.

1) When Clayton comes out to Blanche, she feels disoriented because this is life-changing information Clayton has never shared with her before. While her reaction as a whole isn’t ideal, personally I think it’s understandable. Clayton is her baby brother; she’s known him as straight all his life, he’s been married to a woman for years before his divorce, and she recounts an episode from their adolescence when he was on a date with a woman and very clearly implicated having a physical encounter with her. He's done everything in his power to pass as straight until this point in time -- I don't find it strange that Blanche would be shocked at his coming out, especially given her upbringing (and the fact that this is set in the 80s! We can't expect modern sensibilities from the characters!). Once again, her reaction isn't the best (she can't even bring herself to say the word 'gay' at first...), but the shock per se isn't that surprising, imho.

2) Blanche is scared because of societal implications above all. She doesn't necessarily see being queer as something wrong, but she's been taught it's not socially acceptable and acts accordingly. Notice how she's worried about what people are going to say, and she struggles to accept that Clayton wants the whole world to know about his relationship with Doug.

Societal expectations in general are a big theme for Blanche's character, and often drive her development; another big example of this is her attitude towards Rebecca's decision to get artificially inseminated, but it's a bit of a baseline issue for her, I feel. She has this whole thing about her beauty and her (supposed) youth and her attractiveness that has some inherent elements, but it's mostly an issue of how other people perceive her, I think, and her response to her brother's coming out is easy to relate to this theme. I mean, she even says it to Rose in S7E15:

"Well, I don't mind being labeled a lesbian, honey, but since I'm not, you just ruined my social life."

So yeah. I think it's safe to say her main concern is societal disapproval of queerness: she wants to be accepted and celebrated by the people around her, and she thinks that being openly queer will destroy her place in her social circle (and she's worried about the same happening to Clayton too, of course).

3) This is sort of related to point 2, but it felt distinct enough to treat it separately. I think she might have reacted so badly to Clayton's coming out (and especially to his showing up with a partner) because he's open about his sexuality, and she's not ready to face what that means for her. My lovely mutual @\hecatesbroom recently published her latest amazing work the odd one(s) out, on the relationship between Dorothy and her brother Phil and how Phil's open queerness might have impacted Dorothy; I think a similar situation might have occurred between Blanche and Clayton after his coming out.

Blanche has a sort of advantage on Dorothy because of her bisexuality, in the sense that she has 'passing privilege' (I really dislike this concept, but allow me to use it to make a point): it's painfully clear that she loved her late husband with all her heart, and she's obviously attracted to men as well, so she can pretend not to like women without too much of a hassle (whereas, if you believe Dorothy to be a repressed lesbian, her situation is much more complicated).

The issue with this is that this 'advantage' is a double-edged sword: she might have the comfort of being socially acceptable, but she's had to suffocate a big part of herself to obtain that comfort. And so, what happens when Clayton -- her baby brother Clayton, the one who's always been just like her, who's grown up with her same environment and influences -- begins openly living as a gay man? I'm sure the situation must have had a strong impact on her, even if just on a subconscious level; I've always found it curious that she seems to have a harder time accepting Clayton in S6E14 than she does in S4E9 (she even calls his sexuality a phase), and while a part of it may be attributed to the higher social exposure Clayton's commitment to Doug brings, I think this may be a result of her inner conflict, provoked by watching her brother live openly while she's been suppressing a part of herself all her life.

Here I'm assuming she's never acted upon her attraction to women before, but there's some space to believe she has done so and has decided it's too much of a hassle, as you say -- likely because she'd for sure do it in secret, given her fear of societal condemnation. If she has been with women before, and decided to give up on it, I still think she'd be greatly impacted by Clayton's coming out: it means her baby brother is a) braver than she is, and b) going to openly face (and likely suffer because of) the same social issues she's run away from. In this lens, I find it interesting that she cautions him about how people can be, almost as if they've both experienced it.

Whew. Wow, this was a lot more than I'd originally meant to write, haha! Seems you sparked a big train of thought, anon! I think all of the Girls (with the possible exception of Sophia) are really fascinating to analyze with a queer lens, and Blanche is always interesting to me, of course. As a final note, I'd like to point out that she does come around to Clayton's sexuality and his relationship, in the end: as often happens, she just needs the Girls' help to put things back in perspective, understand she's hurting someone she loves, and correct her actions. I'd like to think living with the Girls might lead to her becoming more accepting of herself, too.

[andiwriteordie]

please don’t ever become a stranger | 18.3k words

Mike isn’t sure how much time passes—how long they stay there, foreheads pressed against each other, holding onto one another’s hands like they’re scared to let go. But finally, Mike finds the courage in him to open his eyes and whisper, “I wish we had more time together.”

Because isn’t that what they’ve been missing all along? Time. They’ve never had more than a few months together before being rebooted, and even now, the longest the two of them have gotten to interact, the universe is separating them again. It’s as if every single fucking time the two of them get close and begin to fall in love, they have to start over again.

Now, knowing the full extent of their shared history, Mike just wants more time with Will. That’s all he wants.

Or:

The Good Place season 3 finale, but make it Byler.

— 

the tgp brain rot is so real right now, you guys. if you’ve had to interact with me at all this week, i apologize for dragging you back into your tgp brain rots with me.

also, let the record show that i gave suni @astrobei like three different tgp fic options, and she went with the most devastating idea i had. so she is an accomplice to the crime that is this fic.

anyways, enjoy this late birthday fic for my dear suni, whom i love very very very much <3 

oh and here’s the playlist full of sad songs that remind me of this fic.

(also a big thank you to @messrsbyler​ for helping me with this moodboard!!!!!)

[luimagines]

It is I, the wizard.

Im getting tired of typing that but it's my ✨️brand✨️

So, I was thinking. . . when rabbits are happy, they do this thing called binkie. it's so adorable my bun-bun did it yesterday while eating a banana. So I thought "Hey, I can see involuntary doing that and denying it heavily." The chain would tease him a lot. but then I thought "You know, if Marin were here, I can totally see him in bunny form ride Marin into battle (since Marin turned into a seagul at the end of links awakening). Like a pink rabbit riding a seagul firing like. . . arrows (somehow)." It's basically my train of thought abdoduwbkdkdjdidbe d udei

THE CAT HAS SPOKEN!! WE THANK THEM FOR THEIR WORDS OF WISDOM!