#and also realizing how much i want a fucking bookshelf in here.

[multi-lefaiye]

today i cleaned my room!!! not all of it, but i cleaned up more than i have in a hot minute and i'm really proud of myself. especially some bits that were really bothering me for a while....

[rosemariiaa]

02 sᴇᴄᴏɴᴅ ᴄʜᴀɴᴄᴇs, ғɪʀsᴛ ᴄʀᴜsʜᴇs

𐙚—pairing: Paige x Azzi

𐙚—rosie’s note:i have nothing to say but enjoy this long and sad ass flashback and yeah..pls don’t humor me! live reacts are very much wanted and needed!! also wanted to say tysmmm for 700+ followers, i love evb soo much and ty for being here! happy reading lovelies 💌

𐙚—links: rosie’s bookshelf, series masterlist , prologue

𐙚—themes: au (time travel), angst, fluff (if you squint), hurt/comfort, mentions of depression

𐙚—taglist: @thaatdigitaldiary @ohbueckers @makethemhoesmad @imaginespazzi @sierrale8ne @bueckersbitch @xxloveralways14 @kmoneymartini @lupinqs @pboogerswbb @pbaz7 @guesswhoitsn @patri-ots87 @ashortyluvsports @absolutelydreadful @pazzilover101

enjoy!!!

Storrs, Connecticut 2021

It started a few weeks after Azzi and Paige made their “agreement”. That’s what Azzi called it in her head—a way to convince herself it was something mutual, something they both wanted. In reality, it was her idea. She was the one who said, “We can’t keep doing this,” and Paige had gone along with it, like she always did.

Azzi thought it would be better this way, safer. If they stayed just friends, they couldn’t hurt each other. But watching Paige move on, watching her live out this version of their lives that Azzi thought she wanted—God, it was killing her.

The first time Paige mentioned Leana, Azzi didn’t think much of it. Paige always had a way of making friends quickly, effortlessly. But then Leana started showing up, a lot. At the end of practice. At team dinners. At their apartment.

Paige introduced her to the team a few days after their conversation, her arm slung around Leana’s shoulders like it was nothing. Like it wasn’t the same way she used to hold Azzi. And Leana? She was perfect. Nice. Pretty. Confident in a way that made Azzi’s stomach churn with jealousy? No, Azzi never really got jealous when Paige would be with other girls. Especially because they would only last a day or a few hours, but Leana would not stop showing up.

So, it was definitely not jealousy. Hatred.

Azzi hated her. She hated how she laughed at Paige’s jokes, how she touched Paige’s arm all the time like it was it was gonna grow legs and run away if she didn’t, how Paige seemed to shine a little brighter whenever Leana was around.

She hated how much she wanted Leana to be awful. Selfish. Mean. Anything that would give Paige a reason to leave her, to come back to Azzi. So Azzi could hold her and comfort her, the way she always used to. But that wasn’t going to happen. Leana wasn’t a bad person, and Paige didn’t need Azzi anymore.

Fuck. What did I do?

Azzi tried to convince herself she was fine. That she didn’t care. That this was what she wanted. Right?

But then, tonight, she saw them in the dining hall. Paige was leaning against the table, laughing at something Leana had said, her head tilted back, blonde waves brushing her back. She looked happy. Free.

And then Paige’s hand went to the small of Leana’s back.

Azzi froze.

Her breath caught in her chest, her heart pounding in her ears. That was her spot. Paige used to do that to her all the time—those small, familiar touches that felt like secrets only they shared. And now Paige was doing it to someone else.

She would never do that to Azzi again.

The realization hit her like a punch to the gut, and for a moment, she thought she might be sick. She thought her heart had already broken, but somehow, it found a new way to break.

Because even though Azzi was the one who asked for this—even though she was the one who insisted they be just friends—watching Paige with someone else made her realize just how wrong she’d been.

She turned away before they could see her, her fists clenched at her sides as she hurried out of the dining hall. Her vision blurred, hot tears slipping down her cheeks before she could stop them.

This was what she wanted.

This was what she’d asked for.

So why did it feel like this?

Azzi wiped at her face, angry at herself for crying. She couldn’t help but think about the agreement again, how it all started.

She could still see Paige’s expression that night, the way her brows furrowed, her lips pulling into a small frown as she listened to Azzi stumble through her words.

few weeks earlier..

Paige sat down beside her, resting her elbows on her knees. “We need to talk.”

Azzi’s shoulders tensed, but she closed her laptop and turned to face Paige. “About what?”

“About why you’ve been avoiding me,” Paige said bluntly.

Azzi’s lips parted, but she hesitated. “I haven’t been avoiding you.”

“Az,” Paige said softly, giving her a pointed look.

Azzi sighed, leaning back against the couch. “I just… I needed space. To figure things out.”

“Figure what out?” Paige asked, her voice steady but laced with concern.

Azzi stared at her hands, fidgeting with the hem of her sweatshirt. “Paige, I can’t keep doing this. We said we’d be friends, and then I end up in your room, in your bed… It’s confusing.”

Paige leaned closer, her brows furrowed. “You just wanted to sleep and it’s not confusing to me. I know how I feel about you, Az.”

Azzi shook her head quickly, cutting her off. “That’s the problem. I don’t think I know how to stop letting this happen. And I don’t trust myself not to hurt you or get hurt again.”

Paige’s jaw tightened, her voice dropping. “So, what? You’re scared, so you’re just gonna shut me out? We’ve been through too much for that.”

“I’m not shutting you out,” Azzi said, her voice rising slightly. “I’m trying to protect us. You and me. If we keep crossing these lines, it’s only gonna end the same way it did before.”

Paige exhaled sharply, dragging a hand down her face. “You’re making this harder than it has to be. I get it, Az. I do. But I’m not gonna sit here and pretend I don’t want more.”

Azzi’s eyes softened, but she looked away. “And what happens when it gets messy again, Paige? What happens when we mess this up? I can’t lose you completely.”

Paige’s voice was quiet but firm. “You’re not gonna lose me.”

Azzi didn’t respond, her silence weighing heavy in the room.

Paige hesitated before speaking again. “So, what does this mean? Do I still get my goodnight kiss, or is that part of the deal over too?”

Azzi’s eyes shot to Paige, her cheeks flushing. “Paige…”

“What?” Paige said, trying to keep her tone light despite the tension. “I’m just asking.”

Azzi sighed, her lips curving into a reluctant smile. “Yes, you still get your goodnight kiss. But just… don’t make it a thing, okay?”

Paige grinned. “No promises.”

Azzi rolled her eyes, but her smile lingered as she stood up. “I’m going to bed.”

“Hold up,” Paige said, standing too. She leaned down slightly, her voice soft. “Goodnight, Az.”

Azzi hesitated, then stepped closer, pressing a quick kiss to both of Paige’s cheeks. “Goodnight, Paige.”

As she walked away, Paige watched her go, her heart heavy but hopeful. This wasn’t what she wanted, not entirely. But it was something. And for now, that was enough.

present day

Azzi knew she was fucked the moment she made the decision. She knew she was fucked when Paige agreed. She knew she was fucked when she realized Paige could talk to, kiss, and hold any girl she wanted now.

Because they were just friends.

And Azzi was completely, utterly fucked.

—

The past weeks have been hell. It was like she was going through the stages of “grief” or whatever. That’s how Azzi thought of it, at least. How else could she explain the sinking pit in her chest every time Paige and Leana walked into a room together? Or the way her throat tightened when she saw Paige’s hand on Leana’s ass or her arm thrown over Leana’s shoulder, her smile too wide, her laugh too loud? Seems fake to me. She thought.

The team noticed it, of course. How could they not?

Azzi’s energy had shifted. She was way quieter, more withdrawn during practice. When Leana was around, her answers became clipped, her eyes glued to the floor like she couldn’t bear to look at anyone. It didn’t help that Leana fit in so well. The team adored her.

KK had asked her once, “Az, you good?” when they were running laps.

“I’m fine,” she’d lied, her voice sharp enough to end the conversation. But KK’s look lingered, filled with concern Azzi refused to acknowledge.

She wasn’t fine. Not even close.

First stage: Denial

Azzi told herself this was temporary. It had to be.

Paige didn’t really like Leana, not like that. It was just something new, something casual to pass the time. Paige didn’t do relationships, not seriously, and this one wouldn’t last either.

Azzi clung to that thought like a lifeline.

But then Paige started bringing Leana to team dinners. She started showing up with her at practice, standing too close, laughing too hard. And when Azzi saw them together, her chest tightened like someone was physically squeezing the air out of her lungs.

One night, she sat on the couch in Caroline’s apartment, her hands gripping a throw pillow as if she could crush the ache out of her chest.

“I keep telling myself it’s nothing,” she admitted, her voice trembling. “That she’ll get bored and come back. But what if she doesn’t, Carol? What if—” Her voice cracked, and the words wouldn’t come.

Caroline pulled her into a hug, her voice soft and steady. “I’m sorry, Az. I know this sucks. But you can’t keep doing this to yourself.”

Azzi didn’t reply. Because what was she supposed to say? That she didn’t know how to stop?

Second stage: Anger

The denial didn’t last. It couldn’t—not when Paige started bringing Leana to their apartment.

Azzi walked in one day after practice to find Leana sitting on the couch, Paige sprawled next to her, both of them laughing at something on Leana’s phone. Paige looked up, her face lighting up when she saw Azzi.

“Oh hey, Az. You hungry? We’re ordering sushi.”

We. Azzi hated the word.

She dropped her bag by the door, her jaw tight as she muttered, “I’m good,” before disappearing into her room.

That night, she slammed her bedroom door harder than necessary, her chest heaving with an anger she couldn’t contain.

Paige was supposed to be hers. She didn’t care how selfish it sounded—she didn’t want to share Paige with anyone else. Especially not Leana.

Third stage: Bargaining

Azzi started picking apart every moment she’d shared with Paige, searching for something she could’ve done differently.

Maybe if she hadn’t been so stubborn about staying “just friends.” Maybe if she’d let herself fall the way she wanted to—completely, unapologetically. Maybe Paige would’ve stayed.

She confided in Caroline again one night, her voice barely above a whisper as she lay curled up on the couch.

“What if I just tell her?” she asked, her hands twisting the hem of her hoodie. “What if I tell her I messed up, that I want her back?”

Caroline gave her a look that was equal parts sympathy and concern. “Az, you’re the one who pushed her away. Do you think telling her now is going to change anything? She’s with Leana.”

Azzi’s stomach sank at the words, but she couldn’t let go of the thought. What if Paige still loved her? What if there was a chance, no matter how small?

When Caroline finally left, Azzi retreated to her bedroom, unable to escape the weight of her emotions. Her eyes landed on the photo frame on her nightstand—the picture of her and Paige after their U16 gold medal win. Paige’s smile in the photo was the kind that made Azzi’s chest ache, bright and unguarded, as if she’d never known heartbreak.

It had become a nightly ritual, one that Azzi couldn’t bring herself to stop. She picked up the frame, her fingers trembling as she brushed over the glass. “I’m sorry, P,” she whispered, her voice cracking. “I shouldn’t have pushed you away.”

She pressed her lips to the corner of Paige’s smile in the photo, just like she used to do before bed. It was their tradition—their goodnight kiss. Only now, it was one-sided. A ghost of a memory that haunted her.

“Goodnight,” she murmured, her lips still resting against the glass. “Sweet dreams, P.”

Azzi set the frame back down and collapsed onto her bed, clutching the pillow to her chest. Maybe if I hadn’t been scared. Maybe if I just told her now…

Her mind raced with impossible scenarios, rewinding and replaying their history, searching for the moment she could fix, the word she could take back, the step she could retrace.

But in the end, she was left clutching nothing but a pillow and a memory, her tears soaking into the fabric.

Fourth stage: Depression

The hope didn’t last.

It was gone the night Azzi walked into the gym to find Paige and Leana standing by the bleachers. Paige’s hand was on Leana’s waist, positioning her towards the basket, Azzi felt her heart crack open all over again.

She barely made it through practice, her movements sluggish, her mind a blur. By the time she got home, she was shaking, tears streaming down her face as she stumbled into her bedroom.

Caroline found her an hour later, curled up on the floor, her chest heaving with silent sobs.

“I can’t do this,” Azzi whispered, her voice broken. “I can’t—she’s everywhere, Care. And I can’t—” She gasped for air, her words dissolving into another sob.

Caroline sat beside her, wrapping an arm around her shoulders. “Az, you don’t have to go through this alone. I’m here, okay? Whatever you need.”

Azzi nodded, but the ache in her chest didn’t fade.

She thought about their first kiss. On the dock, at the lake house of Azzi’s grandparents, the way Paige’s lips had been so soft, so sure.

Would Paige still think about it?

Would she remember the way they’d laughed afterward, giddy and breathless, as if the world had suddenly cracked open and spilled all its light into their lives?

Azzi closed her eyes, tears slipping down her cheeks.

Will I still cross your mind in a year, Paige? she wondered, her heart aching. Will you miss us, even for a second?

Because Azzi did. She missed Paige every day, every second of every day. She missed the way they fit together, like two halves of a whole, and the way Paige used to make her feel seen, like she was the only person in the world who mattered.

I miss you, she thought, her chest heaving with the weight of it. I miss us.

But Paige was with Leana now, and Azzi was just a ghost in her life—a shadow of what they used to be.

And no matter how much she wanted to believe otherwise, she couldn’t shake the feeling that Paige had already moved on.

Stage 5: Acceptance? No. The lack of Acceptance

No matter how hard she tried, Azzi couldn’t let go.

She couldn’t stop thinking about the way Paige used to look at her, like she was the only person in the room. She couldn’t stop replaying their last kiss in her mind—the warmth of Paige’s lips, the way she’d whispered, “Just friends,” like it was a promise they could keep.

But they couldn’t.

And Azzi couldn’t accept it. She couldn’t accept that Paige was gone, that she’d moved on, that the life they’d imagined together was slipping further out of reach with every passing day.

She wanted to scream, to cry, to do anything that might ease the crushing weight on her chest. But all she could do was sit in her room, staring at the wall, as the realization settled in:

She wasn’t grieving Paige. She was grieving herself—the part of her that had believed in them, the part of her that had loved Paige so fiercely it burned.

And now, all she had left were the ashes.

—

Paige didn’t like Leana.

Well, that wasn’t entirely true. She liked her well enough to talk to her, to hang out with her when the apartment felt too quiet, too empty, too suffocating without Azzi. But when it came to everything else—when it came to the little things—Paige didn’t like her at all.

She didn’t like that Leana couldn’t cook. It wasn’t like Azzi was an all-star chef or anything—Azzi could barely cook either—but it was different. It was Azzi. At least Azzi could make scrambled eggs. And those nasty green smoothies she used to force Paige to drink after workouts? Yeah, Paige hated them, but she never really hated them because they were from Azzi.

Leana couldn’t even make toast without burning it.

Paige didn’t like how Leana was so touchy-feely all the time. It was suffocating. She hated how Leana’s hands always found her waist or her shoulders, how her arms would wrap around Paige’s neck, clinging like a vine. Paige was supposed to be the clingy one. She was the one who used to jump into Azzi’s arms after practice, planting kisses all over her face or pulling her into hugs just because she felt like it.

And Azzi? She didn’t need to be all over Paige all the time. Sometimes, Azzi would just sit next to her, quiet and comfortable, letting Paige know she was there without saying a word. Paige loved that. She loved being in Azzi’s presence. It was Azzi, after all. Who wouldn’t want to just exist beside her?

But with Leana? God, sometimes Paige wanted to yell, “Can you just get the fuck away from me already?”

Leana’s hair? Always slick, stick-straight, and perfect. Paige hated it. She missed Azzi’s hair—how she’d wear it in curls or braids, switching it up depending on her mood. Paige loved running her hands through Azzi’s curls, loved how soft they felt and how they smelled like flowers.

Leana always smelled like strawberries. Safe to say Paige never had an appetite for them anymore.

She didn’t like the way Leana chewed her food, loud and careless, or the way she slurped her drinks like she grew up with no one teaching her manners. Azzi chewed her food so pretty—if chewing could even be called pretty—with that bright, wide smile she always had when Paige surprised her with ice cream sundaes every Friday night.

Leana always wanted to eat out, and not even at good places. She was obsessed with Jimmy John’s. Paige was too, but only when she went with Azzi every other week after games. Paige couldn’t stand it. She missed how Azzi would insist they eat at home, complaining about how Paige didn’t eat healthy enough.

And God, Paige hated the way Leana fucked. She hated the way her tongue moved on her breasts, her stomach, and just her body. The way her small, slender fingers never hit the right spot, the way her kisses felt too wet, too desperate, too wrong. Leana always tasted like candy, but Paige didn’t even like that anymore. She liked when Azzi tasted like candy.

Because it was Azzi.

Leana was all wrong—her touch, her smell, her laugh, her everything. Paige didn’t like anything about her, not really. And the more she tried to forget Azzi with Leana, the more it became painfully clear.

She didn’t want Leana. She never did.

She wanted Azzi.

But Azzi didn’t want her, not like that. Not anymore. And Paige couldn’t admit it out loud, but she knew the truth.

She was in a tangled mess she doesn’t think she can cut herself out of.

The worst part was Paige only really showed Leana affection when other people were around—when the team was watching, or worse, when Paige knew Azzi was somewhere nearby. It was all for show. A charade. She wanted to convince everyone, herself included, that she was fine. That she didn’t think about Azzi day and night. That she didn’t spend every waking moment wishing things were different.

She faked a laugh at Leana’s terrible jokes, forcing herself to look interested, to act like she wasn’t distracted by the mere thought of Azzi. But she was. She always was.

Every time Leana touched her, Paige’s mind wandered to Azzi’s touch instead. Every time Leana spoke, Paige thought about Azzi’s voice, the way it softened whenever she called Paige’s name. Every time Leana kissed her, Paige found herself comparing it to Azzi’s kisses—how they tasted sweeter, felt deeper, left her breathless in ways Leana never could.

It didn’t matter how much Paige pretended. She wasn’t fooling anyone. Certainly not Azzi. Certainly not herself.

She was a fucked fool.

Present day (au)

The night was colder than Paige expected. The sharp winter air bit at her cheeks as she adjusted the duffel bag slung over her shoulder, glancing over at Azzi walking beside her. Her girlfriend’s hands were stuffed deep into her coat pockets, her brow furrowed in curiosity.

“You really aren’t gonna tell me where we’re going?” Azzi asked, her voice soft but laced with amusement.

Paige smirked, shaking her head. “Nope. You gotta trust me, princess.”

Azzi rolled her eyes, though the nickname softened her expression. “Last time you said that, we ended up at that hole-in-the-wall pizza spot where you made me eat that ‘experimental’ pineapple jalapeño pizza.”

Paige held her hand to her chest, feigning offense. “Okay, first of all, that pizza was fire, and you know it.”

Azzi gave her a side-eye, her lips twitching upward despite herself. “It made me throw up on your shoes but okay! Just hurry it’s cold.”

Paige rolled her eyes and grinned, nodding toward the gym as it came into view. Its towering doors stood shut, the building silent under the faint glow of campus lights.

Azzi frowned, glancing between Paige and the gym. “Uh, you do know the gym is closed, right?”

Paige pulled a key from her pocket, holding it up with a mischievous grin. “Not for me, it’s not. Perks of being a super senior and coach’s favorite.”

Azzi followed her inside, the smell of the gym familiar but the sight in front of her unexpected. The center court lights glowed softly, illuminating a small setup Paige had prepared: a picnic blanket, a thermos of hot cocoa, a container of chocolate-covered strawberries, and a jar of Nutella sitting neatly on top.

Azzi’s jaw dropped slightly. “Wait—is that Nutella and strawberries? Wow Paige, you really thought this through.”

Paige shrugged, trying to play it cool but clearly pleased with herself. “You’re the one who put me onto it. Said they’re ‘life-changing’ or whatever. Figured I’d return the favor.”

Azzi laughed, kneeling down on the blanket and picking up the jar of Nutella. “I didn’t just say they’re life-changing. I said they’re essential. There’s a difference.”

Paige chuckled, setting her duffel bag near the bleachers before grabbing a basketball. “Yeah, yeah. Now let’s see if you still got that jumper.”

For the next hour, they played like they were kids again—shooting around, teasing each other, laughing until their stomachs hurt. Paige couldn’t help but steal glances at Azzi, marveling at how at ease she looked, her usual focus replaced with unfiltered joy.

When they finally settled back on the blanket, Azzi leaned into Paige’s side, her head resting on her shoulder. She dipped a strawberry into the Nutella and popped it into her mouth, sighing contentedly.

“This is perfect,” Azzi said softly.

Paige smiled, her fingers tracing small circles on Azzi’s thigh. “Yeah. I figured we could use something like this. It’s been…a lot lately.”

Azzi tilted her head to look up at Paige, her brow creasing slightly. “What do you mean? You’ve been killing it this year, P.”

Paige hesitated, her fingers stilling. “Yeah, but…it’s weird, you know? Knowing this is my last year here. I’m really gonna miss this place.”

Azzi’s smile faltered, and she sat up a little straighter. “You don’t have to think about that yet, though.”

Paige raised an eyebrow, her lips quirking. “What about you? You’ve been quiet about what you���re gonna do. Are you staying another year or declaring?”

Azzi blinked, caught off guard. “I—” She stopped, her gaze dropping to the blanket. “I haven’t decided yet.”“I don’t know. It’s a big decision, and I don’t want to rush it. But…sometimes I think staying wouldn’t be so bad.”

Paige reached out, gently turning Azzi’s face toward her. “Hey,” she said softly. “We’ll figure it out, no matter what. You staying or going doesn’t change us, Az.”

Azzi’s throat bobbed as she swallowed, her eyes shining with uncertainty. “It’s just…a lot to think about.”

Paige’s expression softened, and she leaned in to press a kiss to Azzi’s temple. “I get it. Take your time. You don’t have to decide tonight.”

They sat in comfortable silence for a while, the gym’s stillness wrapping around them like a blanket. Finally, Paige broke the quiet, a playful grin tugging at her lips.

“So,” she said, glancing down at Azzi. “Am I still get my goodnight kiss tonight, or what?”

Azzi laughed, rolling her eyes. “You’re ridiculous, you ask this everytime” she teased, but her cheeks flushed pink.

Paige tilted her head, her grin widening. “That’s not a no.”

Azzi sighed dramatically, leaning forward to press a soft, lingering kiss to Paige’s lips. When she pulled back, Paige was grinning like she’d won a championship.

“See?” Paige said, leaning back against the blanket. “This is why I’m gonna miss UConn. Nobody does goodnight kisses like you.”

Azzi laughed, shaking her head. “You’re lucky you’re cute, because you’re so corny.”

Paige chuckled, pulling Azzi closer. For the first time in a while, she let herself just be present—with Azzi, with this moment, with this version of her senior year.

—

The gym was almost empty now, the faint echo of their laughter still hanging in the air. Paige knelt beside her duffel bag, tossing in her shoes and a few loose pieces of tape she’d peeled off her wrists. Azzi was a few feet away, waiting patiently for paige to finish.

The night had been everything Paige hoped for—light, easy, and full of the kind of love that made her forget, even for a moment, about everything weighing her down.

Azzi turned to Paige, her brown eyes sparkling even under the harsh fluorescent lights. “You okay?” she asked, tilting her head.

Paige zipped up her bag and stood, throwing it over her shoulder. “Yeah, I’m good,” she said with a small smile.

Azzi didn’t look convinced, but she didn’t push. Instead, she nodded toward the doors. “Come on, let’s get home, KK is blowing up my phone.”

They walked side by side, their footsteps echoing off the walls as they made their way to the exit. Paige glanced over at Azzi, watching the way her ponytail swayed with each step, the way she hummed softly under her breath. She was so beautiful, so effortlessly radiant, and Paige felt her chest tighten at the thought of everything she was keeping from her.

As they stepped outside, the cold air hit them immediately, their breath visible in the chilly night. Paige unlocked the car with a press of a button, and Azzi walked ahead, tossing her bag into the backseat before climbing in. Paige lingered for a moment, staring up at the stars as if they might hold the answers she was looking for.

“Paige?” Azzi called softly from inside the car.

Paige snapped out of her thoughts and climbed in, shutting the door behind her. The heater kicked on as she started the engine, and for a moment, they just sat there, the quiet hum of the car filling the space between them.

Paige had one hand on the wheel, the other resting casually on her thigh. Azzi sat in the passenger seat, her head turned slightly toward Paige as if she was studying her. The hum of the engine and the faint sound of the radio filled the space between them, but Paige’s thoughts were so loud they might as well have been screaming.

She’d done her best to stay in the moment tonight—to soak in Azzi’s laugh, her smile, the way her nose scrunched whenever Paige teased her. But as they neared campus, the weight in Paige’s chest grew heavier.

It wasn’t just about what she’d gotten a second chance at; it was what she’d lost the first time around.

Azzi broke the silence first. “Hey, you wanna just crash in my room tonight?” Her voice was soft, almost hypnotizing.

Paige glanced at her briefly before returning her eyes to the road. “Yeah,” she said, her voice just as quiet. “Yeah, I’d like that.”

Azzi smiled, reaching out to give Paige’s arm a squeeze before settling back into her seat.

For the rest of the drive, Paige’s thoughts spiraled.

What if she could fix things?

The question had been haunting her since the moment she woke up in this second chance of a life. She could do so much—change so much—but every action had consequences. Good ones, bad ones. Ones she couldn’t even begin to predict.

Her grip on the steering wheel tightened.

And then there was the truth. The one thing she knew she could never fix, never change. The one thing that had already shattered Azzi once before.

Paige swallowed hard, her jaw clenching. She couldn’t think about that now. Not tonight. She needed to focus on the present—on Azzi, on the way her voice softened whenever she said Paige’s name, on the way her fingers always found Paige’s whenever they were walking side by side. Just focus on Azzi, just focus on pretending.

But was she really pretending? No. No, she wasn’t.

Paige knew she loved Azzi. Everyone did. She loved her so much it felt like it was tearing her apart from the inside out. She loved her enough to want to protect her, even if it meant keeping this secret. She loved her enough to die for her.

But loving her didn’t make what she was doing any less wrong.

By the time they reached Azzi’s dorm, Paige felt like she could barely breathe. Azzi didn’t seem to notice; she was already climbing out of the car, waiting for Paige to grab her things before leading the way inside.

When they reached Azzi’s room, Paige hesitated in the doorway, her duffel bag slung over her shoulder. Azzi turned to her, frowning slightly.

“You good?” she asked.

Paige forced a smile and nodded. “Yeah. Just tired, that’s all.”

Azzi’s frown deepened, but she didn’t press. Instead, she grabbed Paige’s hand and pulled her inside.

They moved through their usual routine with ease—Azzi handing Paige a pair of sweats, Paige tossing her hoodie onto the back of a chair, both of them brushing their teeth side by side in the small bathroom. But as they finally settled into Azzi’s bed, the silence between them felt heavier than before.

Paige lay on her back, staring up at the ceiling while Azzi curled up beside her, her head resting on Paige’s shoulder.

“You’ve been quiet,” Azzi murmured, her voice barely audible in the darkness.

Paige exhaled slowly, her fingers brushing through Azzi’s hair. “Just…thinking.”

“About what?”

Paige hesitated. She could feel the words bubbling up in her throat, threatening to spill out. But she couldn’t say them. Not now. Maybe not ever.

“Everything,” she said instead.

Azzi shifted, propping herself up on one elbow to look at Paige. “Hey,” she said softly, her fingers brushing against Paige’s cheek. “Whatever it is, you can talk to me. You know that, right?”

Paige closed her eyes, the weight in her chest almost unbearable. “I know,” she whispered.

Azzi’s thumb traced slow circles on Paige’s cheek. “You’re scaring me, P. What’s going on?”

Paige opened her eyes, her gaze locking with Azzi’s. And for a moment, she thought about telling her—about laying it all out there, no matter the consequences. But the thought of the look on Azzi’s face, the hurt in her eyes, stopped her cold.

“I’m just…I’m scared too,” Paige admitted, her voice trembling.

Azzi frowned, leaning closer. “Scared of what?”

Paige swallowed hard, her fingers tightening in Azzi’s hair. “Of losing this. Of messing it all up again.”

Azzi’s expression softened, and she leaned down to press a gentle kiss to Paige’s forehead. “You’re not gonna lose me, Paige. Not now, not ever.”

Paige closed her eyes, a single tear slipping down her cheek. “I hope you’re right,” she whispered. Oh, hope, hope was a beautiful thing.

Azzi pulled her closer, wrapping her arms around Paige as if she could hold her together. Paige buried her face in Azzi’s neck, her heart pounding in her chest.

She wanted to believe her. God, she wanted to believe her.

But deep down, she knew that as long as she kept this secret, the clock was ticking.

And she was terrified of what would happen when it finally ran out.

——

𐙚— rosie’s note: so how do we feel? do we love rosie ?? 😊

[hulhudhonado]

your work is fucking amazing.

hey! hi, hello, how are you? :)

may i request wanderer, (scara, whatever his goofy ahh name is rn), alhaitham, ajax and kaeya reacting to reader, who’s usually not a fan of physical affection, coming up to them and snaking an arm around their waists while resting their head into their neck?

thank you!! 🩷

CW: swearing in wanderer's part because I believe he would say fuck

HC: Reader is gender-neutral, Reader does not have a vision.

Characters: Wanderer, Al Haitham, Ajax (Childe), Kaeya [Seperately]

Note: Thank you so much! I apologise for the late upload as I am currently studying. I got some time for myself so here you go. I hope I do this justice. Please make sure to interact with the post and enjoy it!

Al Haitham

Al Haitham tends to be prepared for whatever is to come, however, the sudden feeling of an arm around his waist was not something he thought he would ever need to prepare for. 

Kaveh was finally out of the house, preferably looking for a job rather than complaining about everything Al Haitham did. This also gave Al Haitham the luxury of inviting you over without Kaveh taking your full attention. He wouldn’t say he was jealous, but Kaveh knew how to take care of company far better than he could. It was the one thing that left a sour taste in Al Haitham’s mouth, but he would never let Kaveh know about that.

You both were enjoying the quiet atmosphere of the room, nose shoved in books and lounging in your chairs. It was clear you both had chemistry which didn’t need to involve spoken words or gestures, Al Haitham liked your quiet company and you enjoyed his.

It didn’t take long but he finished his book, a little too fast it seemed because he could still see you weren’t done with yours. Not wanting to bother your reading, he closed the book and stood up to get another one. As he tried to quietly navigate the bookshelf, he didn’t realise your eyes slowly lifting off the pages to look at him.

Al Haitham, back turned, looked through the shelf thoroughly. It was clear he had pretty much read everything else on the shelf. He either had to reread another book or go out to find another one. Didn’t seem like a bad date idea to take you out book shopping with him. However before he could reach a decision, you began your attack.

An arm reached around his waist, followed by a gentle head on his shoulder. Al Haitham tried his best not to flinch but the shock of such an unexpected gesture made him shudder a bit. He turned to look down at you, who had slyly made their way to him without him realizing. You had a gentle smile on your face, happy to catch him off guard.

You both were typically not physical. It wasn’t something Al Haitham was against but it was pretty clear to him that you were not someone who indulged in that sort of affection. So seeing you make the first step was not something Al Haitham had prepared for. He looked back at the bookshelf.

“What are you looking for?” You perked up, trying to stifle a laugh. You knew what you did and you were fishing for a reaction from him. “ A book.” He answered, almost robotically.

“Hmm… I’m certain you read everything on this shelf” You could see the corner of his mouth twitch. It was small but he was reacting, you could feel your ego getting bigger. “Yes, you’re right.” Was all he could muster.

It never occurred to Al Haitham that he would enjoy such proximity to another human being. He tended to avoid any type of physical touch from most people. However, the way you held him just made him feel so warm, especially knowing you would never typically do something like this. He knew he would never recover from this, only wanting more in the future.

“Do you want to go out and get some new books then?” You ask, your head nuzzling closer to his neck. “That would be preferable.” He answered. You let out a chuckle, arm slipping off from him. But before you could pull yourself away, Al Haitham reached out his arm, forcing you to stay in your place, both of you now wrapped in each other’s embrace.

You let out a laugh. “Enjoying this much?” “Can’t say I don’t. “ His response only made you laugh more. “ Well it’s up to you, we could go get new books, or, we could just stay like this. What do you say?” Before Al Haitham could respond, a creek from the door could be heard.

“I’M BACK, OMG YOU WOULDN’T BELIEVE THE THINGS I HAD TO DEAL WITH- Oh you have company.” Kaveh burst in, welcoming you the minute he saw you. Luckily for Al Haitham both of your reflexes were fast enough to pull away before he had seen you guys so close to one another.

Standing in front of the bookshelf, barely an inch apart, you both stood trying to seem as normal as possible. Al Haitham couldn’t believe he was getting embarrassed by almost getting caught by his roommate.

Al Haitham wasn’t prepared for what had happened today but he knew you planned to do more of this in the future. Hopefully, he would be prepared for the next time you did attack, and maybe he should find ways to kick Kaveh out for longer. He definitely did not want Kaveh to walk into whatever you both had planned for the future.

Childe (Ajax)

The closest that Childe has ever been able to touch you was probably during your friendly spars. You loved your distance and tended to keep a lot between the two of you. Even though you both had been together for quite a while it seemed you were not the type to get touchy with others. So Childe himself was amused when you decided to wrap an arm around his waist.

“What’s the occasion?” He asked, trying his best to focus on what was written in front of him. It was like you had calculated it. For once he was at the bank properly reading documents at his office when you decided to pop by. Now here you were slithered next to him, wrapped around him with your head on his shoulder.

He tried not to react, but he honestly wanted to throw away whatever he was reading just to return the favour. It was bold of you to do something like this so suddenly at such a random time. You never came by when he was working, even though he insisted. Paperwork was not fun for him but you were a rule-abiding citizen when you weren’t on a battlefield. He just had to know what was going through your mind for you to do this.

“No particular reason. Just felt like it.” You answered, nonchalantly. Your tone was dull and meek, escaping your throat like a whisper. Your usual fighting spirit was not there and he could sense it the minute you spoke. He finally looked at you and it was clear as day that you were not feeling well. Your hair was dishevelled and your eyebags were very noticeable.

Every single scenario flooded his mind. Was it because of work? Was someone rude to you? What happened to the person who would maniacally laugh whenever they got a scratch on him? He wanted to bombard you with questions but he stopped himself. Maybe it was because he was using his brain at this very moment rather than his instinct to fight, but he knew asking questions was not going to make you feel any better. So he reacted instead.

Shifting the documents to one of his hands, he let the other one wrap around you, engulfing into his side, closing any gaps between the two of you. You only responded by letting him do so, completely enveloping yourself in his arms and him in yours.

“Are you sure nothing’s wrong?”He asked, giving you one more chance to answer if you wanted to. “I’m alright. Just let me stay like this for a while.” Even if he was disappointed by your response he wouldn’t show it. Instead, he responded with a hum, not prodding you with any more questions and letting you enjoy the warmth he could provide with the embrace.

So you both stayed together, wrapped in each other's arms while he worked. It didn’t take long for you to fall asleep but that didn’t stop Childe from keeping you by his side. Even in your sleep, your arm refused to let his waist go which did make him chuckle, maybe he could tease about this when you were feeling better.

Honestly, he expected the first time you held him like this to be in a more romantic setting but he was not going to complain about what he was getting. It was already a big step that you decided to come to his side for comfort. Your usual method of letting go of bad feelings was always sparing so it was a nice change of pace.

Maybe next time you do feel bad and need his comfort he will be able to get some words out of you. For now, he’s going to let you do whatever you want, even if it means catching him off guard with an arm around his waist.

Kaeya Alberich

“Cheers for a happy 6 months!” Kaeya chuckled. You both clinked your glasses, giggling tipsy from the alcohol. You both had been dating for half a year now, which was unbelievable in Kaeya’s mind. Kaeya always had a one-sided crush on you ever since you both had done academy training together. Who knew you felt the same? And now here you both were, celebrating together.

Kaeya could see Diluc roll his eyes yet he didn’t care. He knew it was considered cheesy to celebrate every month of a relationship, but you were the type to enjoy such things so he couldn’t say no. He began to love these silly celebrations with you, it felt special.

“You guys do know this isn’t the most romantic place to celebrate right?” Diluc piped up, as he organized the wine shelf behind him. Kaeya stuck out a playful tongue at him before taking a sip, which only made your tipsy self giggle some more.

“Yeah yeah, but it’s the place where we first confessed! It has special memories, you should be glad your tavern can create such happy moments.” You say, words a bit slurred but still understandable.

As you spoke you could hear the other tavern people cheer, which only made you cheer along. Kaeya could only stare at how stunning you looked at this moment. He still couldn’t wrap his head around the fact he was dating such a wonderful individual.

Diluc sighed, preparing you both another glass. He slid the glasses over. “Here then, for a successful 6 months.” He mumbled, rolling his eyes as you and Kaeya once again cheered.

Kaeya took the glass without hesitation, ready to down it in an instant, but he wasn’t prepared for what you had planned. An arm wrapped around his waist, pulling him and his chair closer to you. Kaeya had already begun to drink but the sudden action caused him to choke on it.

He coughed so much, that the drink spit out of his mouth. Diluc looked in disgust while you only could worry. “Are you alright?” You ask concerned, but Kaeya couldn’t hear anything. It was unbelievable, you had wrapped your arm around his waist! You both have never been this close before!

You tended to always stay in your own space and Kaeya wasn’t going to push it, especially since you guys were still freshly dating in his mind. He wasn’t going to risk ruining a relationship he dreamt of for years. Maybe it was the alcohol but it seemed that you had the confidence to pull such a sneaky trick.

“I’m fine i’m fine. It went down the wrong pipe for a second.” He tried to laugh it off, wheezing between sentences. He hoped you didn’t notice his panic, he didn’t want you taking your arms off him anytime soon. You smiled at himy placing your head on his shoulders which only made his head spin more.

Diluc looked at Kaeya in amusement. He got front-row seats to see his brother who was typically cocky completely speechless. Kaeya looked as a devilish smile crept up on Diluc’s face. “You know, it really is such a special day. Here, more drinks. On the house.” He slid you both more drinks. Kaeya could only stare in disbelief as you continued to chug them down like nothing.

“You’re being kind today Diluc! Thank you!” You gleefully exclaimed, setting the glass down and wrapping another arm around Kaeya. Your head that was on his neck pushed closer, and Kaeya could feel your hot breath on his neck, which only made him feel hotter.

The alcohol wasn’t helping, he could feel the dizziness get more intense as you pushed yourself closer to him. He was certain you were going to melt and mould him into slime with all the heat he was accumulating.

He could see Diluc prepare another drink, a sly smile still on his face. If this was how you acted tipsy he wasn’t ready to face you when you were a complete drunk. He stood up from the chair, pushing the glasses away from you which only rewarded him with a whine.

“we had enough for tonight. I’ll take you home.” You pouted but mumbled an OK, standing up yourself. However, you refused to let go of his waist, forcing him to stay close to you at all times. He tried to control his shyness but it was hard when you were so close.

“Hope you both enjoy the rest of your anniversary!” Diluc called out, a smile on his face as Kaeya glared, guiding you out of the tavern. He hoped the next time you decided to pull a stunt like this, you both weren’t as drunk anymore.

He also planned on never having anniversary celebrations at the Angel Share ever again. Or at least not on Diluc’s shift. He wasn’t ready for what other PDA you had in store, knowing Diluc would fan the flames to embarrass him. Maybe next time you guys can go drinking at each other’s houses instead. You’ll have to see on your seventh anniversary.

Wanderer

“What the fuck?” That was the first words that came out of his mouth when you decided to wrap an arm around his waist, placing your head on his shoulder. 

“Shut up I’m trying to rest here.” You mumble, closing your eyes, enjoying the icy sensation from his porcelain-like skin. The Sumeru desert was hot, unbearably hot. You didn’t want to come here but when you’re working in the Akademiya you didn’t have a choice in what you had to do to progress your research.

Lucky for you, you were accompanied by a walking ice pack. It was a shame his attitude wasn’t as cool as he was.

“No, I won’t, get off me.” He hissed, trying to push you off himself. You just rolled your eyes, gripping him a bit tighter. You knew he could easily toss you aside if he wanted to get you off. He had a vision that allowed him to blow you away in an instant, so him being so meek was an act.

“Yeah yeah, good luck with getting me off, i’m quite persistent.” You continue to mumble, pushing your head into the crevice of his neck. Wanderer had a very peculiar scent. A mixture of grass and freshly picked kalpalata lotus. It was such an odd smell but you honestly have got a bit addicted to it. It also helped his frosty exterior enhance it. Either way, the smell felt clean and cool, a refreshing scent during such hot weather.

You could hear him scoff, the sound ringing in your ears a bit since you were so close. You were close enough if you just turned your head you could peck him on the lips, you would have done so if you weren’t so tuckered out.

“Whatever, I’ll let you off this time. I won’t let you pull this shit next time.” You could only chuckle. This wasn’t the first time he tried to threaten you. To be honest he seemed to dull down a lot more compared to everything that happened before. You both weren't usually touchy, actually, you were not touchy at all, so whenever when you do shit like this it always ticked him off. You were honestly surprised he hadn’t gone into a swearing fit like when you first held his hand. It was almost as if he was slowly getting used to your touch, which you didn’t mind.

However today you were just out of it, too tired to mess around with him or worry about touch. The shade of the cave you both sat under accompanied by his cool refreshing self attached to your side made you drowsy. You could feel your brain finally go into shut-down mode.

“Hey, don’t you dare go to sleep… ” You would think he was trying to stop you from falling asleep but his intentions were clear when you could hear how softly he whispered those words to you. You could feel his arm, which was nowhere to be seen until now, finally, wrap around you from the side. 

“If you fall asleep I’m going to leave you here to fend for yourself…” He continued to whisper. It almost sounded like a lullaby but you knew the sun would be rising from the west if that was the case. “Yeah yeah, at least bury me in the sand before you do.” That was the final words you said before you finally got knocked out.

- - -

To no one’s surprise when you did wake up, he was still at your side. Both of you were unmoved from the original position from when you had fallen asleep. The only difference was that the sun had set and the stars littered the sky.

“Good morning to you.” He grumbled which you answered with a yawn. “ What happened to leaving me alone to fend for myself?” You asked, trying to let go but as he remained unmoved you could not.

You huffed, trying to push him off but he finally decided to use his given strength to make sure you couldn’t. He didn’t turn to look at you, instead focused on the sky. You sighed, giving up and following his gaze up to the sky. Was the sky always full of that many stars?

“I changed my mind.”

[skeletonapricationday]

Naughty girl

Warnings: Porn w/o plot, fem reader x nanami, deephthroating, face fucking, angry Kento, use if whore.

18+ minors dni

Nanami stared as you bent over the desk, looking for your lost pen. You had it five seconds ago, you kept swearing that up and down. It was frustrating because you were distracting him from his work.

Nanami wasn't a very sexual man. He lived to work and go home, that was it. Simple and sweet. Yet he was still a man at the end of the day. Seeing you bend over in that skirt, scrambling all around his office for your pen. It was troubling. He sighs and stands.

"If I promise to help you look will you leave my office?" He says in a gruff. His deep voice echoing off the walls.

"Yes sir-e!" You say excitedly and innocently. "I swear I used it yesterday to help you with that report. Now its missing, like missing missing." You say with a small pout. That cute quiver of your lip catching his vision. He tilts his head away, trying to ignore you.

"Why can't I just give you one of my pens?" He says exasperated.

"Because you also gave me this pen, so it's my favorite pen. No other pen will feel the same!" You shout confidently and annoyingly.

"If you like that one so much because I gave it to you, why not just let me give you a new one? You make no sense." He says logically, as always. Yet this wasn't about logic. He gave you this pen two years ago, when you finally cracked a thin layer of his hard shell. It was a sign of friendship and good faith, you were not going to give up on this.

"Because-because I want this specific pen okay." You say emrbassed. Not at all willing to admit the true reason to the logic king himself.

He nods slowly, like he wasn't going to bother arguing further. Simply scanning a bookshelf, seeing if you mistakenly placed it there. He swears to himself that the intelligent woman yesterday who helped him fill out that report is the same scatterbrain currently looking for her pen. Obliviously showing her body off in several interesting positions.

You slowly get onto your hands and knees, sticking a hand under the couch. Seeing if you can feel anything underneath. When you don't you arch your hips up further to keep yourself from slipping, as you peep your head underneath. "It's dark and dusty under here. I always thought you had too much OCD to not dust under the couch." You tease playfully. Just trying to joke with the serious man, like normal.

"Shut up and stop looking under there." You here the blank reply from behind you.

"No need to get so defensive. Of course this place isn't going to be sparkly clean, you work too much. Yknow I really respect that about-" You squeak as you're cut off. Your ankle being grapped, forcibly pulled from under the couch.

"Did you not hear me the first time?" He asks, using your ankle to flip you onto your back. "Or do I have to shout." The last half is also a question, yet he says it like a statement. His voice always cold and callous, despite his actual kind nature.

You blush at how strong he was. It was juxtaposition to your strength. Enough cursed energy to be a sorcerer compared to normal humans, but so weak you had to be an assistant. "Nanami...this position is a bit...interesting?" You say softly and confused.

"And your last position wasn't?" He drops your ankle. Giving you a chance to slowly rise up, sitting on your knees emrbassed. "If you're going to wear a skirt, please be self aware." He states simply.

Wait, what did he mean by that. Suddenly your whole face flushes, realizing you've been flaunting your ass. Basically putting yourself on display.

Nanami clears his throat, surprisingly loosening his tie a bit. Rubbing the side of his face annoyed and...flushed.

"Look I'm sorry...I just didn't think about it." You say shyly, biting your bottom lip. As much as you dreamed of Nanami lustfully gazing at your backside, you never meant to accidently do it. In your fantasy it was always purposful, taking advantage of his cold demeanor by turning him on. This was not a fantasy, you're right in front of him.

He stares down at you and sighs. "Come on, up off your knees." He says softly. That sentence makes you discretly clench your thighs. Imagining those words in a different scenario. You look at his offered hand and take it, slowly standing with his help.

"You didn't do it on purpose, it's okay." He's say in a coo, almost like he felt bad.

"What if I did?" You ask, surprising even yourself. You didn't do this on purpose, why did you say that? More importantly, why didn't you stop yourself?

"What?" You hear by your side. Looking at his stern face. Waiting for digust to roll in, hell maybe he'll even shout. Tell you to get out of his office, even worse maybe fire you.

Suddenly he laughs. Gripping onto the side of his desk...laughing. "You have alot of nerve." He says walking over to you. Raising a hand to your face. You expect the sting of a slap, but instead he squishes your cheeks together. "Cause then I'd call you an attention seeking whore." He tsks his tongue and smiles. An annoyed grin, faux politeness despite his harsh words.

"I-uhm- sorry I didn't really mean-" The pressure of his grip grows. Stopping you mid sentence.

"I won't hear any of your excuses." He pushes you against his desk, the table digging into the back of your thighs. A small patch of arousal staining your underwear. "In fact I'll reward you."

"What?" You say confused, knitting your brows. He lets out a small cold huff. Slipping his hand from your chin to down your throat. Softly rubbing the side of your neck.

"If your goal was to provoke me- it worked." His other free hand grabs yours. Pressing it against his thigh. You feel his hot throbbing length struggling not to reveal itself. "Do you know how hard it is trying to keep my dick tucked while helping you look around?" He coos to you. His fingers wrap around yours, causing you to the feel the entirety of his girth. "C'mon don't be shy now."

"Is that really...wow." You say breathlessly. The huge thing in your hand really was his cock. Straining against his professional trousers. "Why didn't you say anything?" You say softly. Gripping it curiously with your fingers, earning a soft groan from him.

"Its not exactly professional to hit on your assistant...also a tad too clichéd." He replies honestly. Running the hand on your neck down to your skirt. Flipping it up and letting out a soft pleased sigh. "I'm not one for business and pleasure but, this damned skirt." He chuckles softly. Rubbing your left thigh, watching it jiggle in response. "God it gets me rock hard."

You shiver at his touch. His hands warm against your thigh, but the heat of your aching cunt is hotter. "Nanami..." You whisper his name out softly.

He tsks his tongue in response. "I got my hand up your skirt, call me Kento." He leans in and kisses your neck softly, nibbling at the soft flesh. His hot breath sending goosebumps. "Kay'?" He whispers into your ear.

You nod softly. Letting out small sounds of pleasure as his lips travel across your throat. "Kento please your hand...it can go further than my thigh."You squeak out. Hoping the muscular man gets the message.

"Oh I know...but you've been naughty. Why would I give you what you want?" He coos backing away from you. Even pulling your hand away from his dick. "It be more punishing to leave you a dripping wet needy mess." He says with a smirk. A thing you never expected to see on his face. The pure unbridled joy he has in teasing you. Getting revenge for your two years of oblivious actions.

He smiles at you and sits back down in his desk chair. Going back to reviewing his documents despite your whines of protest. "Kento please.." You say walking behind his chair. Wrapping your arms around him, hands splayed across his chest. Rubbing the hard planes of muscle. "I don't even have to feel good, I just wanna feel you." You tempt into his ear. Kissing underneath it. He huff in response and expertly pulls your hands off his chest.

"I'd stop now. Bad girls get punished." He speaks sternly. Not at all humoring you. You don't listen and walk to the front of his chair, dropping to your knees, rubbing your face against his thigh. He finally lets go of his document. "Do you really want it that bad?" He coos softly. Like a false sense of security.

You nod against his thigh, looking up at him with a lust addled gaze. He gives you an evil smile, one that sends shivers down your spine. He undoes his belt buckle, tugging his pants and boxers to free himself. His huge length standing proudly at attention. "Go on pretty girl." He says brushing his thumb across your bottom lip. "Give it a taste." He says smiling.

You listen excitedly. Falling right into his trap as your lips curl around his cock. Slowly bobbing your head down after swirling your tongue around his tip. A pleasnt salty bead of precum meeting your tongue. You can only fit half of him in your mouth, even without a gag reflex the pure girth was already stretching your jaw. He throws his head back and groans. "Finally...a way to shut you up." He says happily, almost relaxed.

His hand curls into your hair, gripping it at the base. Successfully pulling your hair out of your way. A part of you was about to mention how sweet it was until. He grips hard and slams your head down, painfully making you take the rest of him down your throat. Your nose pressed against the soft curls of his pubes. A small surprised gag leaves your lips. "Oh darling don't you remember. You've been naughty, and naughty girls get what?" He asks you. He looks down at you amused for a second. Using his hand to pull you up and down on him. Small tears pricking the corners of your eyes. "I forgot, can't talk with your mouth full can you?" He laughs and groans. The two sounds like music to your ears.

This was gonna be a harsh night.

[fastcardotmp3]

dot's bookshelf ⁝ JANUARY '24

december recs | recs masterlist

new year, same deal! my favorite things I read this month (not including updates to past months' recs)! trying to organize it all a bit more moving forward but don't hold me to that! my heart is full of love for fan authors but my brain is sometimes Empty mwah

Don't forget to tip your writer in kudos and comments if you read and enjoy these! it's talking to each other about the works we create that makes this fandom world go round 🩵

❄️ steddie

can't start a fire without a spark by @judasofsuburbia

6.5k | E | ex-FWB Steddie snowed into a cabin without heat and have to share a bed about it??? yeah yeah yes exactly nodding nodding etc HI. oh the sense of history and the realizing of why that history came to an end in the first place being this mutual want that they didn't realize was mutual, it's the perfect little idiots to lovers, lets get busy in front of a burning fireplace moment, you know?? yeah <3

tell me something (give me hope for the night) by @kkpwnall

7.3k | T | nothing screams the perfect steddie like losing a chance together and then finding it again years later and making that chance a reality via the decision that trying is worth it and KK has rendered that so spectacularly here. LIKE. oh we haven't seen each other in years but now we have to share a car in a storm and a hotel room with only one bed and I cannot shake that I missed my chance but still I want to give us a chance? SHUT UP. perfection.

❄️ ronance

i promise i'll take care of you if you promise to let me by @netflixnormalthings

7.1k | T | there is something so beautiful in the way this is crafted and the way we get to watch not just Nancy's restless hypervigilance in a post-Vecna world finally end up getting her hurt, but also her exhaustion in the aftermath finally allow her to welcome help. there's so much depth not just to Nancy in general but to her relationship with Barb and her grief over everything she lost that night, to the ways her burgeoning relationship with Robin is affected by all of it. I'm in love with this fic it was made specifically for ME probably!!!

❄️ chronance (chrissy/robin/nancy)

Fireplaces over Fireworks by @yxlenas

1.8k | M | a Chrissy/Robin/Nancy new years slice of life fic which left me warm as a fireplace on the inside, this is such a beautiful look into a life shared between these three women and the ways they support each other in the aftermath of all their individual hardships. like the LOVE of it all is so baked into every word and the sense of a community around them that they're able to rely on to understand them is just immaculate.

i feel so fucked (at least i’m feeling) by @starryeyedjanai

6.1k | E | more chronance i've been BLESSED this month!!! this time of the 'porn with feelings' variety which is both such the perfect lesbian vampire sex moment AND a heart-wrenching Chrissy Cunningham character study in which we get to see her reclaiming agency over her desires. I'm obsessed, I'm over the moon, I've been given everything I could ever want READ NEOW.

❄️ gen fic (Max & Steve)

Laughter's Medicine by @roguenancy

2.2k | G | it has been well documented that stories about Max getting Sibling'dTM by one of the older kids make me lose my mind and this is no exception. the study of max during this missing s4 scene, this dynamic between her and Steve as we see him be so casually emotionally intelligent in knowing how to take some of the pressure of being comforted off of her shoulders, it's all so impeccably done here and will blow you away from the JUMP actually

[clochanam-archive]

"lights, cameras, action!"

u should send in "lights, cameras, action!" so i can tell you how ur muse would be introduced in their debut scene in aisling's tv show/movie series (i.e. the build-up, the hints, the music, the little easter eggs) ( ALWAYS ACCEPTING! )

so the first thing to highlight here is that the entire family knows and understands that illyana's career, lifestyle and reputation all command a particular quality of anonymity. there's this understanding that the likelihood of people overhearing sensitive details and even bugging the diner to record such information is very high. this is something they've done since day one, since before the season begins, so there's no clarification provided through exposition; it's all subtle and discreet because illyana herself is a discreet person. the kids refer to her as "ana" or "lily", aisling refers to her as "miss austin", the squad refer to her as any combination of the three. there are no photos of illyana in the apartment, but there are plenty saved on their phones in secured photo folders. it's also very clear that the kids all adore her; they know her favorite coffee order, they all perk up when they know she's visiting, stanley and richard love her. the camera picks up on other things; an extra jacket on a coat hook, a phone number saved as "RANCH DRESSING" (bc of the ranch in texas, yk--) and a saved photo of two hands with interlinked pinkies.

these clues collect and gather until S1E19, when we finally see illyana make her appearance. after a long and harrowing day, where her family are threatened by a member of the company and fiachra sends armed assailants to try and neutralize her, aisling comes back to the apartment, exhausted and shaken, realizing that her dream of a normal life is just a dream, and the preceding fight has proven that. she spots a note on the table: everyone's gone out to a local music festival. they won't be home for hours. she's just reaching for an icepack to press against her shoulder, when she hears a sound from richard's reading room. the camera catches a bare flicker of a shadow from under the door, then cuts to aisling, who wordlessly replaces the icepack with a knife, a reluctant and sincere sorrow in her gaze as she prepares herself for another fight.

she rests a hand against the door, stepping to the side, knife at the ready. the camera stays over her shoulder: we see everything. aisling shoves the door open, and throws the knife, a swift carrying of motions that sends the blade whistling through the air, missing illyana's shoulder by an inch, and lodging in the dark walnut panels of the bookshelf. camera stays focused on the knife, but illyana lifts up from where she ducked down, head turns to face the knife, then looking back at aisling. the camera finally reveals the mysterious lily/ana/miss austin/russian tutor: eyes bright with surprise, excitement and the impressed pride of one who can tell the difference between a shitty knife throw and a good one. " excellent shot, sweetie! " she pulls back her long black hair, a kind of natural confidence exuding from her, glances back at the knife again, then turns back, a fond smile fading into a look of confusion as she takes in the look on aisling's face. " aisling? " " i... i'm so sorry, oh my god, love, i could've... YOU could've-- " " oh please. i love you, you're improving wonderfully with your combat skills, but i saw you coming from a mile off. " " ...i nearly killed you. " " and yet... here i am. come. let's go out for dinner. we have much to catch up on... "

the last scene of the episode is a post-credits scene; aisling and illyana are seen entering a restaurant. a man sitting outside in an unmarked car lowers his camera, and calls a number on his phone. " it's smith. fuck your assignment, trafford; you didn't think i'd find out? that's illyana kozlov you want me to follow. i'm not looking to die any time soon, prick. find another idiot. "

credits roll!!

[cloud-based-and-rainpilled]

Staged 2 thoughts!! (this will take a Year because I have a Lot of feelings)

tl; dr at the end

Hmmm I don’t see how it’s a love story yet

Staged 1 works well enough on its own but the second season is really essential as a companion piece upping the emotional ante (which is exactly how I feel about Good Omens 1 & 2 lol)

The opening scene mindfuck; The meta! We have reached levels of irony not previously seen possible

Who do I thank for the tacky Zoom interview show background? It deserves top billing

HE DOESN’T WANT THE GOLDFISH TO BE LONELY (metaphor) and then it FUCKING DIES

Celeb cameos in season 1 being all “hey! I like you!” in season 2 like “you are tearing them apart. I hate you. scum

Also the themeing of Michael Sheen and David Tennant being on their own “side” VS everyone else……….. Simon Mr. Writer Sir i see u and unfortunately i am in your walls

The writing feeling less theater-y works for the meta and I’m wondering whether they always had a second season in mind or if it’s just that well written

Was really hoping for a Colin Firth & Hugh Grant cameo ngl :/

The music didn’t annoy me as much this season since it was more of the horn oomp-pah-pah than the piano. Idk maybe my mind just changed

I didn’t know Whoopie Goldberg could be terrifying but here we are (also I forgot her name isn’t Whoopie)

“I think the wizard fucked your ass” ???

Setting up the awards and the baby was peak *pops P* comedy 🤌 Definitely needed since it gets Sad as it goes on

Welsh kink spotted!!! And so fucking blantant I was scandalized

“I’ll shove it up my ass where the rest of the excrement goes” Michael casually asking David to peg him. Nice

More bad magic. More pls and ty

Also moar Nina pls. T’was but a brief beautiful bluster in the wind

Tbh missed a lot of Michael & David’s back-and-forths VS season 1 but I get that’s… the point

Everyone agreeing David is whiney and annoying lmao get wreck’t

Also I forgot they don’t have air conditioning in Englandland ‘cause my man is sweating in every scene he’s in (unless that was intentional in which case… go on…)

The ladies!! That meta ending with the Bechdel test… I see you…

Still love Georgia and Simon’s sister (who I apparently don’t respect enough to google her name); I like Anna now too! She’s got this kinda quiet sarcastic edge I didn’t notice the first time. They all played off each other well in their 3 some (phrasing) scenes

Big amongus sus react that Anna has better chemistry with the two of them than with Michael of which there is literally zero chemistry. Compared to Georgia and David who are just electric with each other it’s honestly distracting

Actual torture watching them break down as other actors play them and drive their friendship apart, it’s fascinating to watch especially on top of it being themselves but, like, not we swear

“Am I your best friend” “No” Fuckin REJECTED !! looser!!!

Oh huh I can see how this is a love story, interesting

The David Tennant fanboy (he is a Real actor I just can’t think of his name) served juicy vomiting SFX realness

“So you’ve made love with him” BROTHER

It took me 87 years to realize warthog and mongoose were in reference to Timon and Pumbah lol <- I am not looking up how to spell this

The bannister being part of the bookshelf why did this make me laugh this hard

Ken Jeong actually reaching into the heart of everything and casually tearing into it Temple of Doom style and leaving everything to ruin lmao

I miss people getting too close to me (feral noises)

Ewan McGregor is cute and I am shallow 🥰

AU where Simon Pegg and Nick Frost did Staged and honestly it would still work aside from being dangerously heterosexual

Simon & Nick doing the Staged 1 back and forth but literally? mmmm that’s sum gud meta

Oh right I forgot the actual writer Simon’s in it too. He’s still good. I like his Zoom tantrum

Jim Parsons unconvincingly looking for his phone after he casually tells David that he and Michael are obviously in love and everyone sees it lmao

David Tennant has the unique ability to make this absolutely insane face reserved specifically for the emotion “oh shit I’m in love with Michael Sheen” which like

I could kill the Good Omens costume department rn I stg take off those fucking sunglasses I’m so mad

Ohhhhhhhh yeah this is a love story

The Frozen snowman being the big bad final boss of cunt, oof you gotta love a good villain

Michael’s monologue the only one not in the kitchen area just breaking down completely I mean *claps until my hands fall off* he put his whole pussy into it. The frustration? The despair? I mean it felt like an audition monologue (in a good way) he walked through the valley in the shadow and death and came back a broken man with a fuzzier beard

CATE BLANCHETT ZOOM SNIPE

Apparently people didn’t like Phoebe Waller Bridge in the new Indiana Jones movie which I haven’t seen but idk I thought she was pretty funny and hot here. *ding*

MOOMIN MUG SPOTTED

The use of travel as a metaphor for feeling stuck emotionally *clenches fist*

“I like silence” *screaming from the other room*

“It’s like gas filling a room” <- fascinating way to describe their dynamic, it’s specifically referring to aimless conversations that snowball and “fill up a room” but it could also refer to the palpable energy between them— like even through the abstraction of a computer screen there’s this magnetic force that’s just riveting, it’s hard to describe

“We haven’t talked about love” > Seen at 2:17 PM LMAO

Michael alone with the black frame lingering shot. Acting and editing and directing choices so simple and on point. everything hurts

Struggling to say goodbye on Zoom physically reaching out unable to leave the frame that whole scene was just. You can just feel the love through the screen, it’s so layered and intimate despite essentially being “No you hang up first”

Zoom wedding! He stayed!!

I wonder if that’s Michael Sheen’s actual best friend. That would be cute

Anna whispering and telling him “nah I know your bestie is literally an hour away but he can’t come over lol” like??? why? let them love each other I cannot handle this villain arc

“I have to bring that one otherwise my tits will explode” Wait wasn’t she drinking earlier though? #ShivRoyMoment

“I was standing outside your job for four hours because I love you” <- dog from Up moment

Yes he is legally a Hobbit

The car window as an abstraction like the Zoom boxes *continued feral noises*

The direction of David putting his hand on the window and Michael walking away only then revealing Anna and the baby far in the background? We’re in 3 dimensions and they are all painful!!

Okay yeah I get it it’s a love story but I thought this was a comedy haha right guys why does everything hurt

It ends on that meta moment between David and Georgia which I can only assume is to set up for the third season although I dunno if that was planned at the time as well. It’s ambiguous but not distracting if they didn’t make another one

tl; dr: Staged 2 is a unique and excellent addition to Staged 1. The added meta textual layer of the other celebrities breaking down their relationship based on Staged 1 allows for a lot of “hiding behind my hands so embarrassed” moments, but also by pitting them against each other, it reveals their actual love for each other through the bickering. Season 1 on its own is a nice vignette of its time but season 2 with it adds a tension and intimacy that really takes both over the top

Kinda dreading watching Staged 3 since it seems like people overwhelmingly like it less than the other two because of the loss of the Zoom format and constant arguing, but I’m already in this far deep so I’ll stick the landing

To wit— awwwwwww, they love each other!

[alwaysteveswife]

Hi, I've seen your work and I really love it, I'm anxious to see what you do in Midnight with Eddie's story 😁, I wanted to ask you for a one shot of Eddie, if it's not too much trouble, meeting reader for the first time with this prompt 047. the bottom of a huge library, surrounded by books, when a black book falls from the highest shelf. would he try to talk to her? Or would he look at her from afar, thank you so much from before, it doesn't have to be right away, I understand you might be busy 💖💖.

Thanks for being so nice 🤧 and sorry for the delay, it hasn't been my week 🤧 buuuuut, here's the result ^^ I hope you like it.

Ever since you arrived in San Francisco, all you wanted to do was go into the library a few blocks away from your new home. It was, simply put, the place of your dreams. It was made of brick, a vine covered its walls, leaving only the windows free to let the sunlight in during the day. The door was made of glass, golden letters with the word "local library" rested impeccably on the transparent material. Ever since you set foot in the city, all you wanted was to go in there, take a book with you and walk to the coffee shop in front of it, be able to drink your favorite coffee and enjoy a good read while listening to the ambient music that the place had. Yes, a dream come true.

It took you much longer than planned to be able to carry out that plan, you had forgotten how busy it was to move. A week had passed, most of your furniture had a place, your clothes were still in the suitcases, but you weren't too worried about it, it was a quick thing to fix, and your eagerness to get into the place was significantly greater.

It was five o'clock on a Saturday afternoon, you remember it very lucidly. You opened those big glass doors and held in a gasp of excitement as you saw how big and beautiful it was inside.

The whole place was covered with small plants. Hundreds of shelves surrounded the place, all divided by sections, from children's literature to economics books.

Mischievous laughter caught your attention, you almost choked when you noticed that it also had a children's section that tried to encourage reading among the next generations through art and creativity.

You closed your eyes and mentally screamed at the sky, you were in fucking heaven.

You spent the afternoon among shelves, books and plants, too excited to notice what was going on around you. You had visited almost every section, except for one; recipe books. You were never great in the kitchen, you weren't bad, but you preferred to save yourself the suffering of accidentally cutting yourself, or putting too much salt in a meal, or, in the worst case, almost burning the kitchen, so you were never too interested in the subject. Despite that, you shrugged your shoulders and walked into those aisles, looking at the odd one or two that had a cover that made your guts growl with hunger.

The next thing that happened was a bit of a blur, it happened so fast you weren't even sure what had happened. A loud thump on your back sent you crashing into the bookshelf in front of you, causing one or another book to swing off its perch. You, who were too busy rubbing your head and cursing whoever had pushed you, completely ignored the fact that one of the books was about to fall on your head. By the time you realized it, the book was almost on your head, what's more, you were already assimilated, you could feel the bump start to grow and the pain create a crystalline layer of water over your eyes, yes, you could already feel even the ice pack to ease the pain.

"That was close" muttered a man behind you. It took you a while to realize he was holding the book just above your head, "Are you okay?".

You turned around to get a better look at him so you could thank him properly. You almost choked when you saw him from the front.

He was taller than you, had big brown eyes, his hair was long and messy, barely kept in a low bun. His smile was so friendly you almost couldn't believe it belonged to him, a guy with body tattoos, an ear piercing and a very 80's rock outfit.

"I'm so sorry, my niece is kind of hyper" an embarrassed chuckle escaped his lips, bringing his hand to his hair and messing it up slightly.

You looked to your left as you noticed a small pink shadow move. A little girl, no more than 7 years old, was standing next to you. She had her brown hair tied up in a messy braid with a pink bunny pin. She looked nervous, her paint-stained hands fiddling with the skirt of her kitten dress gave her away instantly.

"Jessica Taylor Harrington, come apologize to the lady."

You almost had a heart attack when you heard what he called you. God, was all your bad luck finally fading away? Was this a sign that you were made for life in San Francisco?

"I'm so sorry, Miss Pretty," the girl murmured, her fingers intertwining with each other, avoiding your gaze at all costs, "I didn't mean to hurt you."

It almost melted your heart to see her little eyes look at you with sorrow and regret. You weren't a fan of children, but there was always an exception, wasn't there?

"It's nothing, don't worry" you smiled as you watched his face light up as she looked at the man from earlier. He smiled back, giving her both thumbs up in excitement, the black book that almost fell on your head rested under his arm.

"Alright, let's get this back where it belongs and-" the man's voice lowered its volume as he paused on the book's cover, "Oh, lucky you" a bright smile crept onto his face, showing the book to Jessica, "isn't this the one your dad needed?"

"Yes!" squealed the little girl, bouncing in place. Sooner rather than later, her uncle started jumping up beside her, carrying her in his arms and laughing. "Let's go to daddy!"

"Yes, let's go to your dad" he replied teasingly, turning his back on you and walking to the counter near the entrance.

"Wait!" you yelled before you could even think about it. It didn't take you long to close your eyes tightly, mentally claiming yourself for doing something like that.

The man turned around, his eyes fixed on you, a smile still on him. You felt your heart race as you watched the sunlight hit his back and made him glow.

"Yes?" he asked in a soft voice. The little girl in his arms watched you two curiously, her small hands wrapped around Eddie's neck.

"Thank you, for catching the book" you smiled embarrassed, trying to ignore the butterflies in your stomach. "Could you, I don't know, tell me your name? I want to know what the guy's name is who just made me save an ice pack."

You smiled as you heard him laugh at your joke. You liked that sound, it looked good on him.

"I'm Eddie" he held out his free hand to you, shaking it as soon as you wrapped yours around it.

"Y/N, a pleasure".

"Well, see you soon" he murmured, his hand still entwined with yours.

You nodded, your cheeks lighting up quickly. "That I hope, Eddie".

He just smiled back at you, this time a little wider than before. He pulled Jessica up a little higher, walking over to the counter and resting the book on it.

"Were you flirting with Miss Pretty?" the girl said, giving him a playful look that Eddie knew all too well.

"Of course not" Eddie whispered, hoping you didn't hear what he was saying.

"Liar" she laughed, hugging Eddie by the neck tightly, "mommy and daddy will love the news."

Eddie just rolled his eyes, knowing what was coming next. Jessica would run to the coffee shop across the street and tell Steve everything, Steve would tell his wife everything, and finally the three of them would pester him about this incident for the rest of his life. At least, Eddie thought, Jessica had helped him be able to talk to you instead of standing there for almost an hour staring at you from afar.

Masterlist

[infinitethree]

There are times that, actually, Aster kind of hates most of his life.

One of the biggest reasons for that is that it can feel hard to breathe among the main population of the server. Too many of them look at him like…

Well, they look at him like he’s something to idolize. Something to put up on a pedestal and marvel and/or swoon over.

The idea of being together with basically anyone makes his skin crawl. He already feels a hell of a lot like he’s an imposter in the majority of situations; the last thing he wants or needs is to have to lie to a significant other.

Plus he’s just. Aggressively not interested.

The little chat he had with Theo after he’d gotten the earrings from the eldest and youngest Was-Taken brothers, in which they commiserated over how little they wanted to touch any of that…the years have only made that more and more true.

Aster is, ultimately, a fairly public figure. He also is carrying the burden of multiple secrets that could shatter the server– secrets that he has to hide from those he holds dearest.

So, when he wants to actually be able to breathe somewhere truly private…he retreats to the Council HQ.

The fancy rooms no longer bother him on a visceral level. Maybe it’s because they’re so familiar now– a sign of absolute safety.

…Or, almost absolute. There’s still the risk of Daz showing up to be a fuckin’ bastard.

Less so, lately. Daz has been more than a little preoccupied with teaching Lee and dealing with all of the fuckery surrounding the Scribe.

One of their rewards for their first deal was what, at first glance, looks to be a Magic 8 Ball.

It technically is. But it’s also so much more than that.

It’s the way that they can ask a questions to the Scribe. There are limitations, which Aster is pretty sure are listed on a piece of paper taped in the back of an innocuous book on the bookshelf in the potions room.

He hasn’t bothered to keep track of them. Being smart about this kind of thing isn’t his forte. He’s here to be brawn, and he’s very, very good at that part.

Not that he’s stupid. He’s just…very aware that Daz can, does, and will run circles around him.

Again, though; the bastard has been busy lately.

…It’s weird that it’s been so quiet without that jackass deliberately antagonizing him. Keeps making him feel like things are getting dangerous.

Uhg. He glares up at the ceiling of the main room from his place flopped on the couch. He doesn’t like that he’s not really even able to find peace here anymore.

Especially because the damn Observers are here. They’re not asking anything, though, so Aster sure as fuck isn’t going to offer them more than he’s obligated to.

Well isn’t this just pathetic!

Prime fucking damnit, that’s the last entity he wants to hear from. He’d take a million weird and invasive Observer questions over the Scribe deciding to focus their attention on him.

Oh, don’t look so sour. Due to some recent events– don’t worry about it– I’ve realized that maybe you’re not as much of a lame stick in the mud as I thought!

“My face and voice are broken. I can’t not look like this,” he points out, still not fully used to having to curb his snark for literally anyone.

Smartass. Look, do you want a deal or not?

His eyes narrow. Not bothering to get up from his relatively comfy pose, he tells the horrible entity likely capable of destroying everything he knows and loves, “Aren’t you supposed to give me reasons why I should do it? Isn’t that your whole thing– make me an offer I can’t refuse?” There’s a beat, and he tacks on, “Y’know, like the Devi?”

Laughter comes from the Scribe. Oh, man, this is why you’ve caught my eye! Not a lot of people would sass me. Even the brains of your operation is scared shitless, but you…see, I know you’re not stupid enough that you think it’s a good idea. You’re just…that kinda person. 

Almost against his will, Aster has learned to read tone well enough to get the impression that they don’t consider his boldness a bad thing.

Weird! Usually gods or whatever the fuck the Scribe is are touchy about respect. They certainly seemed to dislike when Daz got too mouthy, after all.

They continue, You’re right, though. So, Stardust, I know something has gnawed at you for a long time now. 

He does not take the obvious bait, and instead patiently lets them draw the suspense out for their reveal.

Don’t you want to know more about that bastard that dragged you into this mess? I mean, really– he doesn’t just have a few cards he’s holding back, he’s got a whole fucking deck he’s hiding! 

He is curious, but at the same time…it’s a horrible, almost violent violation of Daz’s privacy.

Daz has kept a lot of things secret, presumably for a reason. Going to someone else to pry his life open is liable to result in a nasty situation that Aster can’t possibly recover from.

Oh, and Lee wouldn’t forgive him. There’s that, too.

But despite how much he dislikes Daz as a person, he liked the idea of ripping his defenses away even less.

That armor is pretty much the only thing standing between Daz and a total mental breakdown. Daz going off the deep end is pretty much the worst-case scenario for the entire server.

Still, he’s not so dumb that he turns it down right away. “That’s an interesting proposal. What is it that you want from me?”

A new perspective. He’s hogging the spotlight and it’s getting on my nerves. Sure, yeah, he’s– interesting and nuanced and whatever. But variety is the spice of life, and you have proven to be capable of quite a bit of spice!

None of that makes much sense to him. Beyond the metaphor, he’s pretty sure the implication is that they’re all just entertainment and Daz is grating on them by now.

He has no fucking clue what they mean by him being spicy, though.

“That’s your motive, not what I would have to do,” he sighs.

Their voice is flatter this time. Impatient little shit, huh? Fine. Make things interesting, same task as that bastard. I want a reason to turn the camera away from him for once. Even if he has to be in the fucking scene, I’ll accept a change in POV. 

That makes him sit up. “Camera? Are you recording us?!” In a manner of speaking. Don’t look so surprised, it’s obvious! And, look– there’s a big secret that’s hovering over Sanctuary. You find that out, and I’ll give you a VIP tour of what’s really going on.

“I don’t–” And a wish! No rules, no limits. A single, solitary wish that you can use to get anything you can imagine. Reality will bend to your will. I’ll even let you trade it, if such a weighty prize doesn’t feel right in your own hands.

He swallows.

He doesn’t want the rest of it, especially not learning more about Daz, but…

A wish, huh?

Considering it makes him feel a bit sick, but he asks, “...What are the limits. Not the wish– you said that already. I mean the rest. What am I not allowed to do?”

As long as you give me something interesting, I don’t care what it is or how you do it.

“And…what are the consequences if I can’t pull it off?”

There’s a low, ominous laugh. You’ll forget this ever happened and I’ll make your life worse. 

There aren’t a lot of people that know better than Aster that Daz would accept this. Not only that, he’d come up with a masterful plan to make everything work out wildly in his favor.

Fuck. He hates this, but he can’t refuse it.

He gives a soft, humorless laugh of his own. “Alright, Satan. I’ll shake your hand.”

Excellent. A pleasure doing business with you, Stardust.

The camera suddenly snaps to the Showrunner.

They’re hovering over what looks like a representation of the Council HQ, and Aster himself, on the stage.

A wide, almost manic grin is on their TV-screen head. “Gentle audience, I’ll need your help with this one. You can suggest things you want him to see– things from the bastard’s life.”

The lights suddenly dim, and they add, “But be aware! My favorite little monster’s presence might be shown, but not perceived. At least, not yet.”

They roll over mid-air so that they’re on their back. “This is your chance to peek at any moments you feel didn’t get a proper scene! Not just within his backstory, but beyond. Prologue, sequel, even a sneak preview of upcoming attractions if you want to be so bold. Whether or not Aster sees inside his head will depend greatly on what makes things more fun.”

A loud giggle escapes them and they kick their feet in excitement. “Ohhhh this act is gonna be killer!”

[some-fudanshi]

Hey! I’ve never watched an anime series apart from Avatar stuff, if that counts. Do you have an anime series to recommend? I strongly prefer dubs over subs, and I like fantasy. Thanks !

Might I suggest delicious in dungeon? It's about a dnd party cooking and eating monsters in a dungeon, as they save their leader's sister from a red dragon's stomach before it digests her. it is on Netflix!

Below are some more anime recs with short summaries and where to watch them, keep in mind I'm shit at summaries ↓↓↓

Mob Psycho 100: middle school student, shigeo kageyama just wants to live a normal life, Despite his psychic powers. He is taken advantage of for said powers by a con man pretending to be a psychic, reigen arataka. He runs a business called Spirits and Such, where he (mostly mob) (that's shigeo's nickname) exorcises spirits bothering his clientele. Mob's powers are also a good metaphor for autism, I think it's canon that mob's autistic? Anyway, it's fuckin' fantastic. I love this. And I love mob?? Forever and platonically?? It's on Netflix, Hulu and Crunchyroll (season 1 is free but 2 & 3 need a premium subscription)

Sk8 The Infinity: high school student Reki introduces his new friend Langa to skateboarding, and. I can't recommend you watch this enoughm despite the simple premise I gave, it's fucking fantastic! I can't put these feelings into words!Please! It is free on Crunchyroll with ads, but the dubs after episode 3 require Crunchyroll premium.

Bocchi the Rock!: and here I thought mob was literally me! Hitori wants to be in a band, because in the words of the band that inspired her, a band is where an introvert can shine! She spent her days practicing and pouring her soul into the guitar, practicing to be ready to perform at her middle school's culture festival! But, well, in her own words,

"I practiced six hours every day, so I could learn how to play in front of people... The result? Middle school ended and I never played a single note for them! I never performed once... at the culture festival! I never put together... the members for a band! And I never made a single friend... In three whole years! Now, in high school... I gotta form a band or die trying! But, despite my vow, it's been a whole month since high school started, and yet my heart remains grounded in the guitar, little better than a shut in..."

Sasaki To Miyano:

Anyway, she joins a band and that's all I'm gonna say because thisssss is getting too long. She has social anxiety! Jus like me! And she has my exact fear for the future. it made me cry tears of deep unfocused fear and misery. It's free on Crunchyroll with ads, but there's no dub. But! But! I promise you it's worth a watch! The animation is great, the voice acting is great, the humor is great, the characters are great, the story inspires me to get my shit together (thus great), and the SONGS? OUGGGHHH DONT GET ME STARTED ON THE SONGS. THSI ANIME SINGLEHANDEDLY MADE ME REALIZE HOW MUCH I LOVED MUSIC. IVE CRIED AT SOME OF THE SONGS FOR ONE REASON OR ANOTHER. EVEn if you don't watch the anime, at least listen to the soundtrack! try Rock'n roll, Morning Light Falls On You! It's crack cocaine in song form! Thank you for coming to my ted talk!

oohhhhhhgodherewego

Alright first things first, this shits adorable. Understatement! High school student Miyano befriends this guy Sasaki, and he gets interested in the bl manga that miya reads, and he borrows one. Much to Miyano's surprise, he loved it! ohhhhhgod i can feel the hyperfixation taking hold once again over time, they start to fall in love. Yeah, it's BL!!!! Fuxk! I love yaoi! I love life! The world hath gained colour! Funny part is, uh.miya's straight. He contemplates things on front of his bookshelf of BL manga. Taking a line from a summary I saw on YouTube, reading bl manga everyday and having an entire bookshelf of bl manga, while saying "yeah I'm straight!" Is a special kind of in the closet. Anyway fuckkkkkkkkkkkki love thsi series soooooososososososoo much. I have RAMMED MY HEAD INTO A WALL BECAUSE OF THIS. I HAVE PACED THE LIVING ROOM LISTENING TO THE SOUNDTRACK LIKE RETIRED MIDDLE AGED DETECTIVE GOING THROUGH A DIVORCE HAUNTED BY A COLD CASE HE JUST CANT CRACK BECAUSE OF THIS. granted that was me going delirious with hungerSASAMIYA IS MY REASON TO LIVE. anyway it is unfortunately exclusively on Crunchyroll for a premium subscription, but you can READ it! Yeah its 10 volumes are online to read! for free! call your dentist, you will gain cavities! but I do hear the dub is phenomenal!

Sorry for yappin', and happy viewing if you decide to watch any of these! Can you tell sasamiya and bocchi are my faves?

[godisg4y]

yesss!! pls start posting again omg!! i love ur work, u dont understand. and i would LOOOVE if u wrote a pt 2 to the chifuyu S.I.M.P fic where they actually speak or sumth idk im not creative lmaoooo i just need ur content in my life auuuggghhhhh (no pressure ofc <3)

Ask and you shall receive my love! also i re-edited part 1 so make to check it out if you'd like! sorry if this took a while

♡S.I.M.P!I want you to worship me♡

Chifuyu x Reader part 2!

part 1 here

Note: can be read as a stan alone fic!

highschool au, cursing, sub!chifuyu, smut, 3rd person pov to 1st person pov

The library was Y/n's only safe space, She would always go there to finally breathe, she didn't have to keep up the performance. She could just bury herself in her silly little mangas and escape reality. But one time she stumbled upon the nsfw mangas in the bookshelf, she questioned it at first. She was the student council member she should bring attention to the fact that there's nsfw books in the library right??. Then Y/n realized that the anime club she belonged too probably snuck them in along with the regular ones and the librarian probably doesn't give enough fucks to actually check them which is why it's here. As she mentally fought with herself her eyes caught a glance at a hentai manga she's read before, one of her favorites at that. It was about a shy nerdy boy and a popular girl who bullied him...

Then there was one day she accidentally reached for the same manga as chifuyu, the pretty delinquent boyof the school. (Thankfully it wasn't hentai) Y/n was startled as a hand touched hers, she quickly turned to her side and her eyes widened in surprise. It was chifuyu, had she ever noticed him in the library before?..As he raised his head and looked to the side, he froze for a second. Emeral green eyes widening in panic as he stared at her. Y/n noticed his surprised expression, she would never have expected to see an expression like that on a boy like him...he looked almost fearful, like deer caught in headlights. Y/n studied his face, His fluffy blonde hair fell perfectly with his bangs covering parts of his forhead, She was almost compelled to reach out and touch it. His green eyes were wide open and and a soft pink blush dusted over his cheeks, his lips pressed together awkwardly in athin line. Like this he looked adorable, not at all like the rude delinquent all the other students were afraid to talk to. He quickly pulled his hand back and brought it up to the back of his neck with a sheepish smile on his face "Oh im sorry!" His voiced was rushed and panicked "Uhm, you can have it i dont mind" His words were rushed and flustered. It was surprising to see but honestly she couldn't help but it cute. Truth be told Y/n never really paid much attention to the blonde boy, sure she thought about how cool it was that he defied the teachers but that was in jealousy, wishing she could do the same. Other than that she never really paid him any real attention, until this very moment where she can't help but find him attractive..His soft jawline and smooth cheeks dusted in pink..his soft baby pink lips and his big green eyes still full of anxiety... Chifuyu swiftly spun on his heel and turned around to hurry away from Y/n but as he tried to leave her voice called out, "Chifuyu?" much more soft than when she usually talks to her classmates. His heart beat immediately sped up, his throat ran dry and he gulped but willed himself to turn around nonetheless. She saw his questioning look and responded before he could speak "uhm, well it's just.. if we're both interested in it, maybe we can just look at it together"

About A week passed since Chifuyu started talking to his crush. Everytime she saw him in the library she would come sit by him and strike up a conversation about whatever manga they were both into at the moment. Like right now. She's sitting so close to him he can barely process what she's saying. He tries so hard to will his brain to listen but all he could focus on was Y/n's skirt riding up her plush thighs the more she leans into his personal space. Her pretty face leaning closer to his, soft lips, shiny with her peach chapstick moving as she talked and her pretty e/c eyes staring into his, batting her eyelashes at him. Fuck he swears she's doing this on purpose to make him nervous and it was working and Judging from the feeling of his pants tightening it was working a little too good. His body was getting hotter and hotter, the soft pink that dusted over his flushed skin at his crushe's close proximity was getting harder to hide. Suddenly he was broken from his chain of thoughts when he heard her call his name "chifyuy? did you hear me?" His startled eyes were brought up to look into her concerned ones. "I asked if you were feeling okay, you look bothered" Before the boy could muster up a reply she stretched her hand out, shifting it under his bangs to against his forhead to check his temperature. Her face only inches away from his. "Oh my god chifuyu, you're burning-" Before Y/n could finish he cut her off "im okay! im just really warm- will you excuse me for a second!" Chifuyu quickly excused himself and scurried off towards to toilets. Oh fuck. He looked down at his pants and noticeable enough there was a buldge. He looked up questioning his life. Why was god doing this to him? Then he made accidental eye contact with his own pitiful reflection in the mirror, leading him to question his life even more. Without much options at his disposal he locked himself inside one of the stalls and made a quick mental note that after he rubbed out a quick one he'd go buy a gun to fucking shoot himself with.

You stood quietly outside his stall listening to his heavy panting before hearing him breathe a small "oh fuck" followed by a whisper of your name. Chifuyu stood inside the stall trying to be as quiet as possible as his hand wrapped around his aching cock. He swears he's never been this hard before, pumping gently a few times and then picking up the pace. You couldn't help but rub your thighs together under your skirt at his cute little whimpers and moans. God it was so hot, everytime he breathed out your name you felt your insides tighten and slick pooled inside your panties. That's it you couldn't control yourself anymore. You needed something inside you so badly. "Chifuyu?~" you called out, feigning a worried voice but the slutry undertone could still be heard and knocking on the door "you okay in here?". A smirk played on your glossed lips as you heard him panic "Wha- uh- uhm yea-YEAH! IM FINE!" An array of rushed incoherent stutters left him in response. "Y/n this is the boys washroom! you can't be in her-" Before he could finish his rushed and panicked sentence his door flew open. Chifuyu was stood frozen in horror, throbbing cock still in his grip as he was met face to face with the girl. You had kicked the door in! His mouth was agape but no words came out, he looked so scared and ashamed, Fuck it was so cute.

Chifuyu stood there frozen in place, his hand still around his cock. You carefully stepped inside the cramped stall, closing the door behind your back before pushing off it and stepping towards him. He can barely process what's happening right now before your hands are on him and your mouth crashes on his, nipping at his lips and sliding your tongue into his mouth. His eyes flutter shut as he kisses back, groaning into your mouth. His hard cock is pressed into your lower stomach, he can't help but grind it against your body chasing the much craved for friction. Your hands move from the sides of his face down towards his shirt. Fingers moving quickly to undo all of his buttons but your mouth is still pressed to his, tongue shoved down his throat. Moaning into him. He can barely register what the fuck is going on but he feels so good right now. When you finish unbutton his shirt you pull away from his mouth moving to leave a trail of kisses down his jaw to his neck. He whines when you do but it turns into a gasp as you stop to bite and suck at his sensitive skin, marking him as you please. He's such a sweet boy for you, whining and moans in your ear. "Y-y/n" he breathes your name out in a silent plea yet he doesn't even know what he's asking for. You press a few more kisses onto his chest and neck and one last kiss on the corner of his mouth before wordlessly sliding to your knees. His leaking cock right at your eye level as you look up him through your eyelashes. Without saying anything you take his cock in your soft hands.You could feel it pulsating, see the pretty veins throbbing on the underside of it. so much pre-cum was already leaking out of his thick baby pink mushroom tip and down his slender shaft, he was about 7 inches thick, 3 inches wide and holy fuck was it so pretty, just like him, matching his sweet little flushed face. God he looked so hot like this, Zipper undone, His shirt left open, showing of his lean torso and soft stomach. His pretty face flushed pink twisted in pleasure in such a lewd way, eyebrows furrowed, with his cherry pink lips caught between his teeth so hard it was bruising, bleeding. His now dark green eyes droopy, clouded with lust and his blonde hair now drenched and stuck flat to his forhead by beads of sweat. Fuck he was so cute like this. Chifuyu's eyes were clouded with lust, staring down at you in awe. Your pretty face only a few breaths away from his cock. He watched as you took him in your soft hands and opened your pretty mouth, breathing on it as your eyes looked up him, fluttering with that slutry look. He couldn't help but groan, head thrown back against the wall.You drag your tongue from the bottom of his shaft up to his tip before wrapping your lips around it. Immediately he let's out a porn worthy groan with his head thrown back against the wall. Both of your hands wrap around the base of his cock strocking him while your mouth suctioned around his sensitive tip, swirling your tongue around and running it across his slit. He hissed and bit the back of his hand to keep himself quiet, the other hand curled at his side in a fist, almost as if he was still scared to touch you.

[rodolfoparras]

Wahh so I imagined it😭 I was like half asleep thinking of a reply and clearly I fell asleep before actually sending it😔💔 also sadly I have a very sore throat D: my bad cough finally went away only for two days later my throat is so sore it hurts to talk💔 fighting for my life

-

!! I genuinely love when people do that sort of think with tail,wings, ect. like a tieflings tail wrapping around you to hold you closer while you're fucking them??? Wings twitching from being overstimulated like you said??? People with magic getting so overwhelmed by how good you make them feel that sparks of magic come from their hands/horn??? It's so hot honestly🙏

Speaking of that, Oliver/Opal has the magic thing happen😋 Sebastian was eating him out in the library with Oliver up against the bookshelf and well some of the books got magically scorched💀 luckily nothing important though Ciel did ask for one of the books that got scorched they're both like ??? "We've never heard of that book, we must not have it. Do you want us to go buy a copy?" smh gaslighting a child that's also their boss🙄 (they will do it again)

-

This is more regarding canon of black butler but I genuinely believe that William is in love with Grell but he doesn't want to admit it😭 he brings her up CONSTANTLY like no one even mentions her and he'll still end up saying her name😽 they're that one trope where it's Char A realizing theyre in love with Char B and just are like "oh god no why them😭"

-🌱

Nooo sugar bee I’m so sorry 😭😭 listen my number one tip on sore throats load up on those cough drops, avoid energy drinks coffee and soda stick to water or if you have a sweet tooth like me stick to ice tea! Sleep with a moist pillow over your mouth if you happen to be a mouth breathe and rest your voice as much as possible!

We need more monster fuckinf fics like these!! Or like tugging on their horns??? I know there’s a post going around here where it’s like yanking on an angels halo while fucking them love love love!!!

Hello?? I love this idea!! Like clutching onto the shelves for leverage and leaving burn marks on them? Or or or dragon character exhaling heavy breathes as you’re fucking them and burning up the books in front of them?

But those usually are the best pairings!!! I genuinely think once we love someone who isn’t usual our type that’s when you’ve properly fallen in love

[justsome-di]

Nobody Ends Up Dead in a Bathtub, Everyone Keeps Their Organs: Chapter 23

Summary: Alex is an ordinary, highly-introverted office worker. He clocks in and out and goes home to his little apartment he shares with his younger sister. He hasn’t dated in years by the time his co-workers set him up on a blind date.

The only issue is he and his date are not on the same page. At all.

While Alex thinks it’s a normal date, Damián is under the impression Alex is a client who paid to be there. No-so-quickly, they realize something is up. It’s all a prank. Damián is a sex worker Alex’s co-workers hired as a sick joke.

After reassuring that they’re both okay, Alex decides he wants revenge for both him and Damián. The plan is to use the stigma of sex work and start a 6-week, scandalous fake dating scheme with a big finale at the office Halloween party. Alex’s co-workers will be too horrified to try to prank him again. At least, that’s the plan.

You can also read this on AO3. If you don’t want to wait for new chapters, the complete story is on Patreon for only $4 with bonus stories! If you’re enjoying the story and want to support me in other ways, consider dropping me a message in my inbox or reblogging this post!

“You’re positive Eve won’t show back up?”

“Positive.”

Alex locked the door behind him. In movies, he had always seen couples throwing clothes off of each other as soon as they got inside. But he and Damián had to behave in the car and in the elevator and down the hallway. Their momentum had been stalled.

Damián took the chance to remove his boots. Alex did the same. It was very un-sexy. The mood was failing.

“What now?” he asked.

Damián tugged at Alex’s shirt. “We do the very, very sexy act of talking.”

Alex didn’t want to talk. He wanted to kiss Damián again and strip him down and, well, fuck him. Or figure out how to fuck him.

“We should set boundaries, okay? What’s a good safe word?” Damián asked. “I don’t know what you say during sex, and we need to know for sure when we need to stop. I’d rather be too cautious than hurt you.”

Alex had heard of safe words before. They were mentioned in the articles he had read but only for BDSM sex. He looked around the apartment, whipping his head around in desperation. Were safe words supposed to kill the mood?

“Uh.” He spotted Eve’s copy of collected Oscar Wilde works on the bookshelf. “Dorian Gray?”

“Ooh. That’s best one I’ve heard in a long time.”

“How many have you heard?”

“One for every client. So, a lot. Too many to count.”

Multiples times a week. Every week for years.

Alex’s stomach flipped. He didn’t know what he was doing, and Damián would immediately be able to tell. It would be like incorrectly pointing out the Big Dipper in the sky to a NASA scientist.

“I say we keep this very vanilla and very tame,” Damián said. He pressed his hips against Alex’s. “Does that sound good?”

“Yes.”

Alex would take anything. He had never been so desperate in his entire life.

“And after this, I’ll walk you through all the testing and stuff you should really schedule.”

“Testing?”

“STD tests. I can give you the whole spiel about how you should get tested after every new partner, but let’s save that for later.” Damián squeezed Alex’s arm. “If you don’t want to go through with this—“

“No! I do! I just never thought about that. And I don’t want you to think that I think that you have—I never gave it much thought.”

In the fantasy of sex, Alex had never thought about the responsibility of it. Testing, talking, safe words for vanilla sex. It had never occurred to him. 

“Consider me your sex ed teacher from here on out. A good one who knows all about PrEP and proper testing. And one who literally just got test results today. Negative, by the way. All of them.”  

Damián kissed him again and again and again. And somehow, they managed to walk to Alex’s bedroom, tugging at each other’s clothes.

“Lay down,” Damián said, guiding Alex to his bed. “Let me take care of you.”

He pulled Alex’s shirt off and then his own. Alex wiggled out of jeans, favoring speed over sexiness. Finally, they were stripped down, and Alex was staring at Damián. All of Damián. He was just as gorgeous naked as he was dressed.

Damián dug around in his front jeans pockets before throwing them across the room. Plastic crinkled as Damián ripped open two condoms. He slid them on both of them like an expert, letting his hands linger on their bodies.

So Damián had shown up prepared. He knew what he was doing. Of course, he would have shown up with lubricated condoms.

“Did you plan this?” Alex asked.

“Plan the sex?” Damián brushed a lock of Alex’s hair off his forehead. “I mean, I prepared for it. Just in case. I was going to wait for you to initiate it.”

And it was all too much.

Alex had no idea what he was doing. He was aching to touch Damián, but he didn’t know where to start. There was nothing more humiliating than just laying there, frozen, while Damián was trying to take the next step.

All of a sudden, he was overwhelmed. It was the stimulation from the club and the anxiety and the fear of disappointing Damián, chasing him away forever.

Alex pressed his hands to his eyes. He didn’t want Damián to see him cry. But thinking about how embarrassed he was only made his face burn hotter and tears push themselves down the sides of his face.

“Alex? Hey.”

Damián pulled Alex’s hands away and held them between his own. Alex blinked until he could almost clearly see Damián’s face. It was gentle. Concerned.

“What’s wrong?” Damián asked.

“I’m sorry.”

“No. No. Don’t be sorry. Do you want to tell me what’s wrong? Do you want to stop?”

“No. I don’t want to stop. I’m just—I’m really mortified.”

“Why?”

“I’ve never done this before.”

“Done what?”

Alex made the most pathetic whining sound. “I’ve never had sex before.”

Damián smiled. He brushed his knuckles against Alex’s cheeks, wiping his tears away. “That’s okay.”  

“Is it? I’m 33.”

“So?”

“So, I’m too old to be a virgin.”

“There is no such thing as being too old to be a virgin. Listen, I’ve been with a lot of people of a lot of different ages who have never had sex before. The world has never ended because people didn’t have sex before they were—whatever. 18? 20? What’s the age people are supposed to have sex by? It doesn’t matter. It’s a dumb societal standard. What’s important is you do it when you’re ready.”

“But you’ve done it a hundred times.”

“Well. Yes. But it’s my job.”

Alex took a deep breath. “But you have more experience. That’s what I’m trying to say.”

“I have experience in helping people relax and have sex for the first time. Do you trust me?”

“Yes.”

“There we go.”

“You don’t care?”

“No. I don’t.” Damián wiped away the last of his tears. “I want you to be comfortable with this. I don’t want you to do anything only because you think you need to.”

Alex felt a little relief. It wasn’t about the sex anymore. Alex had never been taken care of so well. The last time someone dried his tears, he was six. He had fallen in the park and skinned his knee. His mother had cleaned him up, scrubbed his face with a thin tissue, and his father had patted him on the shoulder and told him big boys didn’t cry over little things. He had said it smiling, trying to make Alex believe he was stronger than he thought.

“Here, let me turn on some music. Can I connect to this?”

Damián picked up the small speaker on Alex’s nightstand. He fumbled with it and his phone for a few seconds and soft, lyric-less music began playing. Alex had no idea what it was, but it was nice. Slow, soft. 

“If it makes you feel any better, it’s been a while since I’ve done this,” Damián said.

“What? Had sex?”

“Non-work-related sex, yeah.”

“Is it any different?”

“Yeah. For me, at least.” Damián laid his hand on Alex’s chest. “Why don’t we get to know each other a little bit. Are you feeling better?”

Alex nodded, honored that Damián wasn’t freaked out. Crying before sex had to have been one of the most embarrassing things a person could do, and Damián had just brushed it off.

Damián picked up Alex’s hand and laid it on his own chest. There was muscle, though not a lot. Damián was more slim than toned. Up close, Alex could see that now. There has always been an illusion that he had nice muscles under his clothes.

Alex trailed his hand down, past Damián’s hip, and to his thigh.

Damián put his hands on Alex’s cheeks. For a disgustingly sappy moment, they looked into each other’s eyes. And Alex could only think about how kind Damián was.

“Are you ready?” Damián whispered, almost like he was afraid of startling Alex.

“Yeah.”

“Tell me if you need to stop.” Damián began kissing him again. “I’ll be gentle with you, okay? I’ll take it slow.”

“Okay.”

Damián slid down from Alex’s hips to his legs.

His kissing trailed from Alex’s lips to his jaw and down to his chest. It was like Alex was suddenly given a million new nerve endings. He had no idea that someone’s lips pressed to his sternum would make him feel like every cell in his body was on fire.

“Fuck,” he moaned, not even bothered by how cringe-inducing he would think it was later.

Damián kissed him one last time before sitting up and re-positioning his body.

He slid Alex inside him.

And Alex had thought kissing felt good.

It didn’t last long. It wasn’t like in movies where everything happened slow and sensually, perfectly timed with quick breathing.

Alex was so pent up, it ended fairly quickly.

One moment, his heart was racing and his hands were reaching out to grab Damián’s hair and the bedsheets. All of his senses were exploding.

The next, his breath was caught in his chest. His fingers curled tight around Damián’s hair, and he hoped he didn’t hurt Damián when he pulled his fist. He wanted to arch his back, but Damián was still firmly planted on his hips.

“Fuck,” he said. Not a moan this time but a breathy statement.

Damián had one hand planted on Alex and the other around himself. His eyes were closed. His breathing was heavy until he gasped and dragged his nails across Alex’s hips.

He collapsed next to Alex.

“Oh my god,” he said.

“Was that too quick?” Alex asked.

“No. No. No.” Damián raised himself up and kissed Alex on the cheek. Their faces were drenched in sweat. “It was perfect.”

Laying there, the effects wearing off, Alex was starting to settle into disbelief. He had just had sex—short sex, very vanilla sex—with Damián. And Damián said it was perfect.

It couldn’t have been perfect.

But Damián kissed him again and was still touching him, his hand over Alex’s soft middle. Maybe finishing quickly wasn’t as awful as everyone made it out to be. Maybe it had been good for Damián.

And for Alex. He had never been so close to someone. Physically, of course. But emotionally as well. He knew that sex would have to be a vulnerable thing. There was so much to it—getting undressed, laying out for someone. But he didn’t expect himself to weep.

“I’m sorry I cried,” Alex said.

“It’s okay. You’re in-touch with your emotions. I think it’s sweet.”

“You really think that?”

“Yes.”

Damián began cleaning them up. He cleaned up Alex first and then himself and re-arranged the bedsheets.

He returned to the bed and pressed close to Alex’s side.

“If you want to know, this is so much better than some guy giving me a friction burn and then leaving me half-hard,” Damián said.

Alex huffed out a little laugh. “That happens?”

“Yes! All the time. And it’s not terrible, but I’m also like. Okay. You could have bought yourself a toy for cheaper. I’m too expensive to be used as a dildo.”

“Ew.”

“Toys are fine, Alex.”

“No, I mean. Ew. People use you as a dildo. That’s not nice.”

“It’s not, but—” Damián sighed. “Sometimes people aren’t nice to sex workers. Shocking, I know. But look at your co-workers. They set you up on a date with a sex worker as a prank. There’s levels to that.”

“I know.”

“But, hey, at least you were so incredibly naive and kind that night.”

“Naive?”

“We got all the way to the hotel room before you realized what was happening.”

“I just thought you were from out of town.”

Damián laughed. He laid his arm across Alex’s chest. It was warm and heavy, and Alex loved it.

“Do you want to stay the night?” Alex asked. He figured it was polite to ask, and he hoped that Damián would say yes.

“If you don’t mind.”

Damián’s eyes were closing. He must have been exhausted. Alex rolled onto his side so that he was facing him.

“Want me to turn off the light?”

“If you’re ready to go to sleep.” Damián rubbed his eyes. “I’m sorry I’m already falling asleep.”

The adrenaline had worn off. Alex was feeling drowsy. Drowsy and calm and perfectly willing to fall asleep in Damián’s arms.

He turned off his bedside light. In the dark, there was a rustling of sheets. Damián’s hand found his waist, and he pulled Alex close.

“Goodnight,” Alex whispered.

Damián didn’t say anything back. All Alex could hear was quiet, heavy breathing. It all felt right. Alex pulled the sheets over the both of them and closed his eyes. His mind totally chill for the first time in a long time and his body was comfortable and warm, he fell asleep.

[trishmishtree]

Somerton has already deleted the video after less than a day, but @vampfvcker-ao3 was able to screen record it beforehand and reupload it. You can watch it here without giving Somerton any views: https://youtu.be/jRrbDRwGjcg

Transcript of the video below the cut, for anyone who wants to see him try and manipulate his way to a comeback. Trigger warning for suicide mention in the literal first minute.

[Video uploaded by Nico, titled “silly little title AKA: THE ORIGINAL J*MES S*M*RT*N APOLOGY.” Video shows a tearful James Somerton wearing glasses and a navy-blue sweatshirt over a red shirt. There is a bookshelf and a poster on the wall behind him. Original title of the video by James Somerton is “I’m sorry”.]

I’m sorry for, uh taking so long to make this video or to say anything. Um. I’m in the hospital—I’ve been in the hospital, um, for a little over a week, um [sob]. [Deep breath] I tried—fuck [sniffle], I tried to do something really stupid, um [long pause] I’m only here now because, before I did it, I called my dad to talk to him one more time and he figured out something was wrong and called paramedics or 911 or… and they got here and, uh… I woke up in the hospital and yeah, um. [Sniff]

Anyway I’m not trying to make this a sob story, I was just trying to explain why I’ve been so quiet, um [sniff] I had a friend from back home, uh, checking my emails and stuff, um. And, uh, yeah.

Um.

But anyway, um.

I wanna say that I’m really, really sorry. Really, really sorry. Um. There was stuff in the videos, not crediting people and [sniff] for a lot of videos, you know, I did the opening titles things, um, and I tried to put like “this is based on X’s—this person’s research or this person’s book” but I-I know, I know now, that that wasn’t—that wasn’t enough, that wasn’t okay.

And there were a lot of times that, uh [sniff], there were a lot of times that stuff just got put in and there was no attempt at crediting anybody. And I’m really, really sorry [sniff], um, and I’m not—I’m not sorry that I got caught, I’m sorry for ever doing it, I didn’t I honestly, honestly… didn’t realize that I was hurting people. [Sniff]

And now that I know that I was [sniff] hurting people, um… Just really sorry. [Wipes tear] Uh.

I lost my best friend because of this. Nick and I have been best friends since…two thousand, uh, two thousand elevon or twelve? We’ve been friends online and then he lived in Ottawa and I moved to Ottawa so we could—that we could be, like, friends in person and, um, and then we moved back—I moved back to Nova Scotia and Nick came with me and then [sniff] we—and eventually moved to the Toronto area. We lived together for, um, seven years? Eight years? We lived together for a really long time. And, uh, he [sniff] he hasn’t s-spoken to me since this happened, um. [Sniff]

Sorry, I-I said I wasn’t going to make this a sob story. Should’ve got some Kleenex. Um.

[Sigh x2]

Then again I’m really, really, really sorry for the things I did in the videos, Copying people’s work and not crediting them properly, or at all. I also want to apologize for the misinformation and just outright lies that ended up in the videos, I didn’t…and honestly say that. I never intended for any of that to, any of that stuff to be in the videos. Most cases I didn’t write it, but I should’ve, you know, it was my face on the channel, it was my name on the channel, I should’ve been [sniff] um, I should’ve been more diligent about, uh, fact checking and stuff. Cause there was a lot of really just stupid shit in there [sniff]. It would’ve—just so easy to check and I just never did, I just took it for granted, um.

[Sniff]

[Sigh]

[Clears throat]

I also, I wanna thank hbomberguy and his team for setting up the fund, um. To make some money available for the authors that were wronged, um. And the journalists and writers and [sniff]… I wanna help somehow, I don’t know how, a lot of…I’ve seen a lot of people online saying how much money I apparently make and, uh, way overestimate… Beyond the fact that Nick and I split everything 50/50, um, they’re still way overestimating how much money came in, um. And, uh, the Toronto area is expensive so there’s just not really any kind of savings and I’m moving home. Really soon. Um. [unintelligible] And-and there’s nothing for me here, and, um [sniff] you know, like I said, it’s really expensive, um. And so I wanna—I wanna thank them for setting up that fund and I wanna help somehow, um.

The only thing I can think of right now is…to make the videos—most of the videos public again, um, and every month I can send the ad revenue from all of the past videos, uh, there were plenty that didn’t have any-any uncredited stuff in them, um.

[Sigh]

But I can make them public again and then every month I can send the AdSense to… either I can send it to hbomberguy’s team [sniff] so they can add to the fund, or um, I could start a fund myself, uhhh and, uh, every month I can publicly say how much money was made in the AdSense and show it and, uh…send that to the writers and stuff every month, I don’t know what the system for that would be but, uh [sniff] I’d be more than happy to do that. You know some of the videos, like the killing stalking video, brought in, like, a pretty decent amount of money every month so that would be helpful I think. Um.

I also put either in the description or pinned comment, um the-the names of the authors so that anyone watching the videos knows where all of the information came from, that it wasn’t me going out doing journalism. I never-I never thought anyone thought that I was doing, like, journalism, that’s not, um…

And I-I don’t think anyone did, um, cause the people who actually were doing it should’ve been given the credit that they deserve, they did the hard work, all I did was edit the video, um… They did the hard work and-and they deserved the credit.

[cut to Somerton rubbing his forehead]

Sorry about that, phone stopped recording.

Um [sniff] [sigh]

Yes, they-they deserved [sigh] they deserved credit and… [long pause]

When it was something…[sigh] when it was something like the-the recent, um [sniff] history of Hollywood videos, right there in the opening credits I, uh, I put the, uh, I put Russo’s name, that it was adapted from his book The Celluloid Closet. Um, same thing went for the gay panic video and the gay holocaust video, they were… The gay holocaust video was adapted from two books and the gay panic video was adapted from a lot of, um…journalism and I-I, uh, um, I put their names right at the beginning of the videos, um. [Sigh] But—and I understand that that’s not how citation works, um, now. I-I understand that, I get it.

Um, and I wanna do better [sniff]

I know a lot of people hate me now.  Um. Cause I did bad shit. Um. But I wanna try and do better, at some point I’d like to make videos again. I’d like to do videos that are fully sourced, where I will put a link to the script where you can find all of the sources, um, so that everyone is properly given the credit that that they deserve, any kind of research that’s done, um, credit for any B-roll that’s used, whether it’s like stock footage or movies or TV shows or videogames or anything like that, have it all in there…

I would like to become a really, really good example [sniff] of giving proper credit to writers and journalists.

And I know a lot of-a lot of you watching this are-aren’t really gonna care and you would rather I just disappear, um. but I would like to try [voice crack] to do better.

I never ever intended to hurt anybody, I never thought that’s what I was doing [sniffff]

Before I went, before I went to the hospital, I read a lot of stuff from people who were really hurt, not-not just authors and stuff but people who watched my videos who were hurt by stuff in them, um.

[Pause]

People think that I-I hate ace people, and women, and bisexual people, and lesbians, and it’s not true [sniff]

It’s really, it’s just, it’s not, it’s not true, um [sniff] and I’m sorry that stuff made it into videos that just…shouldn’t have been there. Misinformation and lies. I promise you I did not write that stuff. I should’ve been a lot more…exacting, when Nick and I would be editing scripts, but I promise you that those are not—I don’t think those things [sniff]

I specifically, um, want to apologize to asexual people who feel like I just completely delegitimized you. Um, Nick being ace, I’ve-I’ve-I know it’s kinda like, you know no two gay people are exactly the same, no two ace people are exactly the same, but I kind of, when it came to that, I would just kind of run with Nick’s judgment, um, and his observations, stuff like that, um, and I’m not-I’m not trying to “throw Nick under the bus” which a bunch of people saying that I was setting him up [sob] to do it, which is not true.

This whole thing, Nick and I were 50/50 partners, it wasn’t I hired him to have a scapegoat or something like that, I never hired Nick. Nick and I were roommates for years before I started doing YouTube videos, and then they started—people started watching them, I asked Nick if he wanted to help me write them and he said yes, and we started splitting the—first the AdSense and then Patreon and then the, um, sponsorships, we just split everything. Um. Nick was never…supposed to be a fall guy. Um…

[Sigh] I- I’m sorry, maybe I should’ve waited longer to do this [sniff] um…

But yeah, I—the—I did not, I don’t think those things, I don’t, and I don’t think Nick does either. I think it was just how fast we were writing…stuff and how fast we were putting videos out, it was just, it was too fast. Um. And, uh, we weren’t putting the care into them that needed to be put into them. Um.

[Sniff]

I’ve seen a lot of people on social media and other YouTubers even lying about me but, um, other-other—hbomberguy was not one of them, just wanna be clear about that, except I was never setting Nick up to be a fall guy and…it was never, uh, a grift or anything like that, I swear it was not, it is not.

In the next couple of days I’m gonna send out a message to Telos supporters on IndieGoGo and explain the whole situation, um, in more detail to them, because we were not super clear about everything that was going on with Telos, so I can I understand why it seems like we weren’t doing anything, but we were. Um.

We were doing a lot of work on Telos, um, we just weren’t talking about it because we-we made that initial first announcement before “Final Girl,” and that fell through, and I’ll explain that to the message I send out to the supporters, which I’m sure will end up on Reddit or somewhere, um, and, uh, after that we can—we didn’t want to talk about it too much until we have something really concrete, and I’ll explain all of that in-in that message, um…Telos was and is not a grift, I was never gonna take the money and run, none of the money…that came in for Telos was ever going to be paying me or Nick. It was going to be paying queer actors and artists, musicians, things like that, and there’s been lots of talk about budgets and all of this stuff and people saying that I’m really stupid for thinking that a movie could be made for that little money, but there are examples of it being done and I actually do have a work ethic…

Anyway, um [hands on forehead]…forgot. Anyway, um, I do want to keep making videos. I know a lot of you won’t watch them and that’s-that’s fine. But I really like making videos.

[Clears throat] [sniff] [sigh]

We ended up making a lot of videos we didn’t want to make, um, because people were asking for them, so there were a lot of videos we made that we didn’t want to make, and I think those videos are very clear on which ones those were. Um. One of them never got officially released, it was released to patrons, um, some patrons have shared it to other people before all the videos went private, um, and a lot of people hate the analysis that Nick and I did on it, um, and so maybe it’s good that that never got properly released because…it would’ve hurt people and I wouldn’t want that. Um…

But I want to make videos again some time. I’d love to do…like, retrospectives on important gay movies. Um, if you watched the channel Be Kind Rewind, they’re-they’re an amazing channel that do a lot of retrospectives on older Hollywood movies, and I would love to do that for gay movies. A lot of gay movies people my age and younger just never heard of, things like “Torch Song Trilogy” and, uh, “Longtime Companion,” stuff like that released from the 70s and 80s and the 90s and…things that were, like, really influential for gay cinema that no one talks about…and you know, I’d like to talk about those, not just those movies but how they got made and…stuff like that. [Sniff] um, I would love to do something like that.

I swear [sob]…on my mother’s grave [sob]…that there will be no copying people, no copy and pasting. [Sniff] every source will be cited, in a document and on screen…cause I really liked doing research…I loved doing research, reading the books and articles and stuff like that, I had—the part of me that was lazy was the copy and paste part. Instead of just putting it in my words [sniff] and-and citing them properly and giving them credit, that’s were the…that’s where the laziness came in, I was—I wasn’t trying to be malicious, that was just laziness…and I promise for anyone who does watch the videos that I make going forward, I promise that will never happen again. I welcome the highest level of scrutiny on the—on the new videos [sniff]

[Long pause]

As for Patreon, um, I’m going to reactivate it, um, because I saw a lot of people on social media saying that I was probably going to reactivate it, right on January first, so everyone could get a surprise billing, and I could take the money and run. Um, and no [sniff] first of all, that was never my plan, and I’m not gonna do it, I’m gonna reactivate it now, so that anyone who wants to leave, which I imagine will be a vast majority, can leave and not have to worry about them being billed again in January. Um…

Yeah. So. In closing, um, I—again…I’m incredibly sorry…

[Sniff-sigh] [Sniff]

And again, I’m not sorry because I was caught, I’m sorry because I honestly didn’t know how much I was hurting people. And how much harm I was bringing to the community because that’s not ever what I intended. I wanted the channel to be a safe place, I spent so much time deleting comments that were painful. I recently found out that I wasn’t being notified about—that I wasn’t seeing comments that were in replies to other comments, so there were plenty of hateful comments in the comment section that I wasn’t seeing that were plenty hateful, and I know that, um… But I wanted the—I wanted the channel to be a safe place, and it ended up not being a [sob] safe place.

And for the misinformation, that kind of falls into two categories. One, I-I did the wrong research into historical things. And other things, they’re not what I wrote. Um…

Again, thank you to hbomberguy and his team for making the fund for the writers, um, I’d like to try and contribute to that somehow, so…if…if it’s okay to make the videos public and send all of th—public again and send a—it won’t be all the videos cause some of them had to be taken down because sponsors wanted them, um, taken down. But I can put the videos back up [sniff] with the sources properly, uh, put in, either the—I guess for the videos that would be going up from zero, I could, um, actually put sources in the videos but, um, for the other ones that would just be made live again, I could put them in a-a pinned comment cause I think—I think people read pinned comments more than they read the descriptions—descriptions, like, disappear, a lot of places. Um.

[Sniff]

Something like that, something so that I can try and, um… It won’t make up for what I did, but it’s just…something… Um [sigh]… so I’m really, really, really [voice crack] sorry.

[Sniff] I hurt a lot of people that I really respect, and that...[voice crack] really sucks. And um. [Sob] Nick, if you’re watching this, I don’t--I don’t—you’re probably not—but I wanted you to know I miss you and, um [sigh]

And I want to do better, I wanna-I wanna do better, I wanna prove that I can do better, I don’t expect anyone to just give me the benefit of the doubt [sniff]

But I want to show that I can do better. So I hope you’ll let me do that.

[Long pause]

Again… I’m really sorry. I’m sorry of-that the things I did, I’m sorry that I disappointed you… I promise, going forward… I will-I will do better. [Sniff] um, thanks for watching…and, um……………[sniff] and I’m really sorry.

[end video]

james somerton is back with a vague and self-centered apology video and has re-opened his patreon, so if you were subscribed to him when he shut it down, unsubscribe now.

[harleycao]

Y'all, I have got a PROBLEM. And I want to know if any of anyone else ever dealt with the same problem (or a similar one) and if so, what they did about it (if anything).

TW: a few mentions of depression, mentions of unhealthy (& constant) escapism in the past,

Let me know if I need to add anything else. It's all pretty brief and definitely not the focus of this post, but it's there.

The rest of the post is hidden under the cut.

I love reading. I love to read fanfiction, novels, comics, graphic novels, everything! And that's part of the problem. There's so much to read! And I used to read more than one thing at a time and it wasn't a problem. Every now and then, I might not finish something because I got busy reading something else. But not too, too often. But lately, I don't finish reading at least half of the stuff I start! And I have to restart stuff a lot of times, too.

Now, I realize the obvious solution is to read one thing at a time. And while I'm not against doing that, necessarily, HOW DO I CHOOSE!? I'm also having trouble because I don't read as much as I used to (for several reasons, which I'll get to). For a time, I stopped reading almost completely, but my library does summer reading, even for adults and that's finally helped me start reading again.

There are so many things I want to read and the list keeps on growing!! I'm about to start my third bookshelf! (Once my parents finally bring it from the sunroom like they keep saying they will "later" 🙄). And that's just the ones I own! (Some of which I've read, some I haven't.

Oh, also! I like to reread things I've read before because my memory is so fucked up that there's always stuff I don't remember.... Actually, that might be normal, huh?

Still, I reread stuff a lot. I find it comforting. Lately, I have been trying to make an effort to not ONLY reread stuff and to read new stuff more often but I don't want to stop rereading completely.

The next one, - and this is specific to fan fiction, for reasons I'll get to - I keep losing motivation/interest in the middle of reading. Now, this isn't about the fanfics themselves but the fandoms. What I'm hyperfixating on is constantly changing and oftentimes, I'll be... Let me use examples here because that's easier.... I might be hyperfixating on Batman and so I start reading a batman fic and then in the middle of the fanfic, I start hyperfixating on doctor who. In such a case, I lose motivation to finish reading the batman fic. But when I eventually start hyperfixating on Batman again and go back to that fic, I've forgotten so much that I restart it and the situation repeats.

I do think part of me losing motivation may have to do with my depression, but I'm not sure.

I'm also still so used to the way I used to read when I read 24/7 (aside from when I was sleeping or eating or with friends or whatever) to escape reality. I would read all the time and so I would finish a 100+ chapter fanfiction in a matter of days. (The first time I read the red thread, it took me 3 days. I think there were 119 chapters, at that point? Something like that). I've always been a fast reader, and I still am. But I take a bit longer to finish stuff than I used to and I'm not used to that. I kinda think it might be discouraging me a little bit. I'm honestly not completely sure.

I'll be honest, I hadn't realized I was having some of these problems until I wrote them down just now.

[smolcinnamonchipmunk]

I realized I forgot to say how my first experience with a club went. I know not everyone will care, but I know at least two people that straight up asked me to let them know how it went, so here goes

First off, I almost didn't go because the day before I was like "I only have three dresses, and all of them are too fancy/lacy, and I want to at least TRY to be feminine". Now, nothing wrong with not being feminine. I'm literally an AFAB NB that does not like my hips, but I try to make do. But, sometimes, once in a blue moon, I wanna try to be feminine. Like, maybe once a year level frequency, so it had to be RIGHT

I go to an actual dress place first, but everything was too fancy, so I fell back on my classic: Hot Topic. Unfortunately, it was particularly busy that day and I didn't bring my headphones, and there were too many choices and options, and I quickly became overwhelmed and had stunted text messages with my friend for the hour and a half I was inside because the connection sucked so much. But, she promised that we could go shopping the next day together and I felt instantly better and got the fuck out of dodge after buying one shirt I really liked

We went shopping the next day and I got two pairs of pants and a skirt that was just slightly too small at the waist but we could make it work with some safety pins. I still took my binder and one of the pants in case I felt uncomfortable being in a skirt/being feminine. Anyways, this is the outfit I settled on sans the fishnets

I was super nervous on the way because my friend has a much larger friend group than I do, so I didn't know anyone else really well and I knew it was obviously going to be really crowded and loud so I tried to pregame a bit beforehand. Man, when I tell you the amount of relief that washed over me when I found out it was a gay bar, woof

Anyways, it was me, my friend, and five of her friends (Four gay and one straight who was there for vibes like me), and it was decent. I feel like I need something to do, and even though I knew clubs was just drinks and music for the most part, I was still kind of... bored? Idk, lmao. Still kind of fun, just feel like I need things to do with my hands at least

The newest guy in the group, and also the tallest, kept fucking buying shots for everyone, and there was a point where we raced to the counter to buy shots for each other, AND I WON, but my card declined because apparently I go out so little that my bank was like "This bitch is at the club? I don't fucking buy it. Lock it down boys!"

I ended up having half a bottle of soju and a glass of plum wine for pregame, four/five pickle shots (they were SO good, I had to resist the urge to keep going back), a lemon drop, some blue raspberry shot, pink lemonade shot, and a watermelon shot, and I STILL wasn't drunk >:(

Something about the loud music and atmosphere made it so it didn't affect me until I got home (I introduced the tall guy to my cats and showed guy my bookshelf of dragon books while my friend and I talked)

I tried dancing by mimicking one of the guys who was FEELING himself (like, draped across the other three when we went outside for fresh air), and he kept dropping into low squats REALLY EFFECIENTLY so I was trying to follow along and my legs were sore for three days afterwards

OH! and there was a person in a dinosaur button up shirt that I rushed up to and asked them where they got it from, and they said they stole it from their sister, but told me where to find their sister because she was there, and turns out its from Shein :/

I WILL get a dinosaur button up though, just not that one