#and also i see it with destiel a lot. obviously.

[sallysetoncore]

something i've been thinking a lot about is the like. for lack of a better term "one good honest kiss" trope where two characters will kiss and everything after that is perfect. they immediately start dating (often immediately being like "does this mean we're boyfriend/girlfriend?" or whatever) and all problems leading up to the kiss are resolved by nature of having said kiss. i absolutely fucking hate this trope, particularly bc the dynamics i tend to be interested in are really messy and sometimes even toxic leading up to the kiss, and like, a single moment of passion? fate? whatever? is not going to undo that.

[enemymine2000]

It's official, US TikTok is going dark right now. Lives vanish bit by bit, East to West.

So time for the Tumblr house rules for those few, who'll find their way here:

Before everything else, personalize your blog! Put a different picture up, write a bio and/or make your first individual post, or people will think you are a bot. Then it's on sight. We block and report those immediately, thanks to the great porn bot wars.

Once that's done:

1. Speak clear and freely. Say what you mean, we don't do that 1984 Newspeek and emojis instead of words here.

2. Tags are a way to sort your stuff AND to communicate. But stay on topic. No spam tagging. And no censoring words or no one will ever be able find anything. Search system is shot enough to hell as is.

3. Don't like, don't read. The block button is your friend.

4. Reblog, don't repost. We don't steal content here. Always give credit. Which is also the reason for...

5. AI is not liked here. It is trained on stolen content. Just don't.

6. There is no such thing as a Tumblr influencer. Even our big names are just normal people, who just stick out due to longevity and/or weirdness.

7. Follower count doesn't matter. No one can see who has what amount of followers and we don't care.

8. Our "viral" posts are our heritage posts. Some might have breached containment and have been shared to other sites. We keep them going because we genuinely like them or want to keep the ancient magic alive.

9. Which leads to likes. They are nice and you obviously are not supposed not to give them, but they don't really matter apart from spamming the notifications of the OP. Reblogging keeps Tumblr alive.

10. We have our own holidays. Don't worry, you will not be forced to partake, but you will be confronted with them. Unless there is another round of The Boopening. Sorry, but no one escapes The Boopening! (Many prefer it to the Mishapocalypse, but this the SPN site, so never discount a Mishapocalypse. Or getting your news via Destiel meme.)

11. Our lore (Tumblr history) is wild. Stolen bones, human pets, dashcon, crucifix nail nipples, the bullying of John Green off the platform (the totally unrelated intern of a coffee company has forgiven us), female presenting nipples, Goncharov, crab raves... This site has been around for a very long time and a lot of us have been around for most of that. We are proud to have remained "ungovernable" and are unapologetic about it, thus we celebrate our history. Even the failures.

12. You can use the "discover" feed of course. But we basically only ever use the "following". No algorithm, just an endless reverse chronological scroll.

13. There is no verification system. We know that people like Wil Wheaton, Lynda Carter and Misha Collins are the real deal, because they verified themselves through other official means. Otherwise everybody can be whoever they want to be. Meaning also that you always should use common sense before chipping in with donations.

14. It's your blog, not some social media account. If you change interests (however often you want), just post about those. Your followers mostly won't care. Hell, about 90% of the blogs I follow have changed names, themes and topics so many times, I don't even remember why I followed in the beginning. (The amount of second hand knowledge about shows/movies I obtained...) If it gets too much, unfollow or block relevant tags.

15. Pixelated icons indicate that the blog has been flagged/self-reported as containing adult themes, mainly nudity. Goes back to great porn purge (see female presenting nipples). It's also why sometimes posts have pictures removed for going against Tumblr's content policy. There is still enough nudity going around.

Welcome, have fun, look around, find your niche, and don't worry. We don't bite. Much.

[couldnt-think-of-a-funny-name]

I love jack so so much he's perfect but tbh I do think it would've worked much more with the show if he was a destiel baby instead of lucifer's. and I'm not just saying that as a shipper or whatever I mean narratively it would've been a lot cleaner- and actually, I think it would've been super funny to no-homo them creating a baby together, like, literally all they would have to do is say "oh, when cas rebuilt dean after hell he accidentally left some grace tangled in his soul, and every time he's healed him since then it's been growing stronger until a nephilim was born". like yes the studio is homophibic etc etc but all the jokes they'd make about dean being spiritually pregnant would be very funny for me personally.

but ANYWAY, jack's story gets messy and convoluted and I think this would've been like...a simple fix. them worrying about him going dark side could be because they're worried how demon!dean and lucifer!cas affected him in development, the show LOVES bloodline drama, chuck's wanting abraham and issac 2.0 would've worked better this way, dean's storyline with him would be improved, bc rather than 'oh no I slowly but surely emotionally adopted the antichrist' like I think he would've had an easier time clocking his john-behavoir if it wasn't a question whether he was jack's dad or not. plus last time dean actively raised a kid he went to great lengths to keep the supernatural away from him, so it'd be interesting to see how he handles a kid he CANT possibly hide from this part of his life. it would make more sense why michael wanted jack as a vessel- yes obviously he wanted the nephilim power boost but also having him as part of the winchester bloodline, making him a PERFECT vessel he doesn't have to worry about burning up would add a lot. we could also use this argument for why lucifer is so interested in him if anyone actually liked that plotline in season 14 lmao. we know chuck hated cas and dean's relationship, could you imagine if he checked in and found out they made an unauthorized baby together💀 like that really would've given better context for why he hates jack so much. cas wouldn't need that whole weird brainwashing arc to wanna protect unborn jack, PLUS it could've been an interesting source of angst for him- he feels like he's failed once again, creating an abomination and putting dean in danger, but also still loves jack immensely. it'd be so good! also imagine how fucking stressed out heaven would be to find out a mini castiel is on the way. they wouldn't even wanna exploit that kid for power they'd be preemptively treating the headaches they know they're gonna get lmfao.

also. the casting directors literally put jensen and misha into a face morph app and cast the first actor they could find that matched the results. which would've made more sense if,,,,he was just Theirs. the comedy of dean and cas making a baby before either of them managed to admit their feelings to each other would be more fun then the "dude adopted a kid and pawns him off on his unwilling roommate's all the time and they eventually warm up to the kid" storyline we actually got. we also could've replaced some of the jack-dean angst from the show with "dean wants to connect more with jack but he feels shut out whenever cas is around bc he can't relate to any angel stuff so obviously jack's going to cas for help more!", which I think would be interesting!! how AWFUL dean and cas would feel that jack didn't feel safe enough to be a baby. dad!sam is still in full swing but he cares for jack right off the bat instead of trying to use him for his powers at first. lily sunder talking about how cas killed her kid bc he thought it was a nephilim and dean, who's already fully aware he's (spiritually) knocked up by cas is like 👹 inch resting cas-tee-elle tell me more. mary having a 'my baby has a baby' crisis. cas insisting jack looks nothing like him is a running joke but then at some point he explains its bc jack's 'true form' looks just like dean's soul....

ALSO- in a show where, canonically, the very first act of free will was cas falling in love with dean...the physical manifestation of that defeating chuck and taking his place as god? come ON.

[autisticandroids]

free space: medium-sized destiel

so in my reclists for @spnficrecfest i haven't been including many fics that are very "big destiel."

this is partly because i've been trying to keep the kudos count lower (though obviously this hasn't been absolute), and also because i actively did not include any "post empty destiel fix it" type fics in the dabb era reclist because they're kind of a genre unto themselves. nor have i intentionally made space in other reclists for fics that have a particular destiel romance novel vibe. obviously there's some, but those tend to dominate reclists, and i wanted to highlight smaller fics.

so this is my "big destiel" reclist, except i still did not include anything that had >2k kudos, because those are generally speaking pretty well known already.

some of these fics are small and just have the big destiel vibes, but a lot of them are more in the 1k kudos range than the hundred kudos range, on account of being big, or medium-sized, destiel.

in order of word count:

ain't that the worst thing you ever heard? by everytuesday, 1k

a couple of takes on the confession scene. very special to me.

rot and grace by extemporaneous, 3k, violence warning

cas watches dean murder the world. corruption kink.

some dying star looks dull in the light by sp8ce, 4k

heaven angst with a happy ending, post-empty.

one step closer by rhinestoneangels, 4k

an empty rescue. i love the empty geography in this one.

i didn't feel it on the first day, and now i got it in the worst way by wintertree, 6k

meg pov on a post-widower arc destiel.

the doorway to a thousand churches by sonatine, 6k

cas and the deans from goodbye stranger.

if you try sometimes, well you just might find by jenthesweetie, 9k

cas pov on dean's wants.

godot ain't got nothing on me and my baby by ilovehowyouletmefall, 10k

post empty, cas became death. the only way dean could see him is by dying.

before and after breakfast by spocklee, 10k

a silly little case where cas and dean realize how they see each other.

solitudes by ilovehowyouletmefall, 21k

cas sees dean see cas die. a wonderful little melodrama. i actually really liked how it handled dean's alcoholism (not really as something to be solved but just as a... reality to be dealt with) and i'm OBSESSED with the director's commentary. if this had been published in 2021 instead of 2023, every heller would have read it three times over.

powerless in dreams by calicoyak, 24k

a post-empty fic. i really liked some of the cas stuff in this one.

between a rock and a hard place by amidsizefrog, 24k

dean's dick doesn't work. also cas is dead. maybe the two are related.

every single thing by thestoryinsideme, 37k

a charming and goofy season nine fic. dean is a shitty little man in a very canonical way that is also deeply sweet and adorable.

a light above descending by hedderstheowl, 38k

a mark of cain fic with chefkiss angel stuff. a recent favorite of mine. really put this author on the map for me.

with understanding by apokteino, 427k, chose not to warn and noncon warning

yeah it's with understanding. you've heard of it. go read it now chop chop.

and if your wondering which fics (that you've probably read) got the axe for having too many kudos: it was on labor, the bee movie fic, time has come today, and r/supernatural. that's my taste. if you were curious.

[carolinagirl80]

I honestly don’t understand the whole “it’s just a joke”, “that’s how guys talk” like no?

First of all that’s a lame fucking excuse for his behavior. Just because you’re a fan doesn’t mean you have to protect every fucked up thing he says.

Let’s be honest non of us know them personally, we see what’s online and hear what’s said. So pretending like you know them, saying “he’s a good guy” and defending him like you do is embarrassing.

I use to be a fan of Misha. Well, more like I use to respect him as an actor and I enjoyed him in SPN. This year I had the privilege to meet him at a con. I say privilege because I know that many can’t afford to or haven’t had the opportunity.

It was so awkward, he clearly didn’t want to be there. Everything he said during his q&a catered to the audience. It was over all very fake, I still can’t understand how people feed into the stuff he says.

It really put a bad taste in my mouth. I’ve never been his biggest fan, just thought that it would be fun to meet someone, from the tv show the show I’ve loved for years. That being said if I could go back, I’d save my money instead of wasting it.

I’m not saying he wasn’t nice to me, I did have a longer interaction than others that had been in line. But as someone who hasn’t ever been an obsessive fan, I think it might have been easier not feeding into all the crap he says.

People forget that he gets paid to do this stuff. The reason why he’s a fan favorite is because of destiel. So ofc he’s going to milk it, since that’s the only thing he has to talk about.

All the questions were destiel related, he has nothing else to say about the show. Honestly I don’t think he remembers anything that happened in the show, except from all of the scenes where he can confirm that destiel is canon.

Anyway after that con I watched a few videos of other panels online, because Jensen and Jared didn’t attend the one I went to. And I have to say I agree with a lot of the things you’ve posted.

It’s clear that he tries hard to push Jared out of the picture, he forces this idea of being besties with Jensen at cons. It’s always so awkward watching them together. Most of the time Jensen just goes along with stuff Misha says, so he doesn’t have to answer the same questions about destiel being canon or not.

Jensen obviously takes his acting seriously, he played Dean for 15 years. So I don’t get when he says over and over again, that destiel isn’t a thing. That people can’t accept it and move on. I love Dean, but I’m not going to pretend I know him better than Jensen. He WAS Dean. He knows him inside and out.

Then we have Misha that eggs the fans on during these panels. It’s like Jensen tries to answer the question seriously. Then Misha swoops in makes a small joke out of it, like Jensen has no idea what he’s talking about and proceeds to talk over him. Giving them the answer they want to hear.

It even feels like he’s making fun of the fans at times, knowing that they feed into this crap and thinking it’s funny that they do.

Gives me the same vibes of Regina George saying “I love that bracelet where did you get it”. Then going back to the green room and making fun of it.

I mean he’s made fun of the show and fans before, there are literally videos or posts online.

ALSO!!! The whole thing Jensen said about it not being subtext it was clear text, has been so fucking twisted.

This has turned into more of a rant, sorry. But what I mean to say is I agree with a lot of the things you’ve said. I just don’t understand how people can’t see it? It’s so frustrating.

I don’t hate Misha, it just really really fucking bugs me, that people don’t see what he’s doing. I just don’t get that you, like others who point it out get attacked.

People go on and on about how hateful others are, then proceed to bully people online for pointing shit out? Make that make sense.

Hi Anon! Saw your other message, and yeah, I don't blame you there, but you are good, so here we go. Thank you for the message btw. Very refreshing after my last few that's for sure.

I will start by saying that I have never seen a group of people so willing to turn a blind eye to the numerous inappropriate things their fave does/says as the hellers/Misha Stans. Their mantra in life is "oh, it was just a joke". I mean, they have to say it constantly because Misha can't stop being inappropriate. He kinda has to though doesn't he? Otherwise, he couldn't keep them entertained and he'd float on off into obscurity.

Unfortunately, that requires the use of Jared and Jensen's names.

I'll start with Jensen just because I happen to already have a link ready.

So, with Jensen, he's going to play that Destiel/Cockles card as much as he possibly can. Always has, always will. Jensen has always said that Destiel doesn't exist. (Thanks to @Sammyiscat on X for posting this today, just when I needed it!)

Once upon a time, Jensen did do a little fan service and lean into it slightly during JenMish panels. However, he always made it as clear as possible how he really feels. Then the hellers called him homophobic for it. So earlier this year, as you mentioned, he called it "clear text" not subtext. He tried to be as diplomatic as possible. The unfortunate part of being diplomatic is that it allowed the hellers to twist themselves into pretzels making it sound like Jensen said the opposite of what he actually was saying.

What I find the most interesting is that in the last few years, Misha is on his best behavior around Jensen. He only runs his mouth off when Jensen isn't around. Usually when he's at a European con alone. I'd LOVE to know how that transpired. Jensen is also usually in a pretty bad mood leading up to a JenMish panel these days as well. He was surprisingly ok in Charlotte (except for that one damn question). However, let's look back on San Francisco. Remember when he ran from Misha trying to hug him?

That is the definition of an unhappy Jensen....Yet hellers, CANNOT SEE IT! How can they not see that? Anyways...I could go on and on here....

So let's move on to Jared...

Sweet silly Jared. How anyone could be mean to him I'll never know. Something has changed there too. There was a lot more joking from Misha where Jared is concerned once up a time. Now, everything Misha says about his sounds bitter and or malicious.

He loves to point out that Jared was discovered just walking down the street, or that he has no training or that he didn't go to college.

Then there was the airplane story from last month in DC. It was partially true, but heavily embellished to make Jared sound bad, and what happens every time that happens? Tons of hate descends onto Jared online. People telling him to kill himself. Just pure bullying and hate. Misha HAS to know that is what would happen.

Just this past weekend he mocked him: (Ignore the person who tweeted this. You don't want to go down that route)

What an asshole. I mean really. I know, I know hellers, "oh, it's just a joke" right? Let's not start the "you and your friends have no sense of humor" crap again.

As far as con experiences go? I've heard people say many times that they have had negative experiences meeting Misha. Unless you are known to him already he couldn't care less. Been there, done that, can confirm. Like I said in another post, glad I already didn't like him because I sure wouldn't now!

Edited to add another link of Jensen denying Destiel.

[spnregular]

do the shampoo fic

like my wafflehouse hashbrowns is the second installment in my "bad touch" series, named for the bloodhound gang song. this is a dom!dean fic where lol you just have to hear me out!!!!!!! dom!dean is a silly concept but when the stars align it like rlly hits. tagging @ragdollsammy bc they asked about this as well!

Dean cobbled a shopping list together in his mind while running his fingers through Cas’s chest and arm hair. It was nice that Cas slept now. Dean could look at him in peace.

crucially dom!dean is about cas btw, this is about cas thinking it's hot

Once he really couldn’t deny the need to piss, Dean finally got up, pressing a kiss to Cas’s temple as he rose. Dean knew Cas wasn’t going too far. He’d be waiting when Dean came home. 

In my perfect world, cas and dean have the bunker to themselves. Dean is in full housewife mode nesting and making sure everything is perfect for his man and his boys when theyre in town. Also dean knows everything ok, no one gets anything by him bc he buys everything! Also i despite how i get on dean’s case all the time, i spend a lot of time also thinking about how soft destiel can be once dean lets go of other things. like once he stops hunting and isnt around sam all the time.

Dean paced up and down the aisle grabbing at dumb shit. Sam and Eileen were in town for the weekend so Dean knew he’d have to pick up some extra stuff. For all that Dean stole a little ointment from time to time, Sam was a fucking menace with hair stuff. Dean couldn’t believe how much product went in to maintaining that fucking mop of his. Equally unbelievable, was how prissy Sam could get about brands. It all had to be good for the environment, no chemicals n’ shit. All code for expensive. Dean sighed before taking his phone out.

Dean and gender….. Also dean really does believe sam is a lil self centered lmao he’s so crazy

Sam huffed out a laugh, “Dean, you still use three-in-one. That stuff sucks.”

“Then tell me why I was always running out of it for the entire year of 2013,” Dean clapped back.

So dean uses three in one bc men shouldnt have more than two soaps at a time obviously and 2013 is an attempt at referencing sam’s s8 hair because he was soooooo beautiful lmfao like they should have kept that stylist around.

Dean blinked. Cas was terrible at shopping. “Whaddyou mean ‘Cas got you some stuff’?”

Remember when cas knocked over half a gas station trying to put together an apology basket for his man….

“He, uh,” Sam hesitated, “He’s already got some stuff that’s really good. Organic and local.”

When cas showed sam how to jerk off the plant, sam almost had a heart attack bc i believe that cas was jerking that thang silly. Actually sam’s reaction is what clued cas into it being akin to an erotic experience for humans (cas would already find it erotic). But here, sam does not want dean to know that he found cas harvesting the plant super horny bc dean can be a lil possessive. That’s dean’s angel u kno…..

“Whatever, Dean,” Sam said, “See you back at the bunker. You’re out of Cheerios, by the way.”

I like to laugh abt cereal discourse

“You remembered the bags this time,” Cas said, smiling more with his eyes than his mouth, “Sam will be pleased.”

Dean grunted in response before leaning in to kiss Cas on the cheek, “Y’wanna help me get this all put away?”

“Of course, Dean,” Cas placed his book face down, splayed out along the already cracked spine.

“You know, he ain’t gonna be too pleased when he sees you been practically spatchcocking his books,” Dean said as he worked, mentally cataloging each dry good and dairy product. This should last a few days despite the few extra mouths. 

“Oh, well,” Cas said, not pausing a bit as he moved through the kitchen. 

They both love sam a lot, but also cas doesn’t give a shit what sam thinks whereas dean kinda does.

Dean snorted. They moved in the sort of quiet that only came from hard-earned understanding.  The sort of trust you had to fight for. What they had wasn’t perfect– still plenty of bumps in the road, still plenty of loud fights and disappearing and saying shit they didnt’t really mean– but they fucking worked for it. 

Dean smiled to himself when they finished. Everything was squared away where it should be: snack cupboard overflowing, fruit bowl filled for Sam, and Dean’s hip glued to the back of Cas’s ass as he pulled him in for a hug.

Everything is by dean’s design….. As it should be obviously…..

“Hey, you gone shopping recently?”

Cas pulled back to look up at Dean, “No. You hate when I go shopping without you.”

Dean does not think cas is capable of getting the right stuff at the store and has Made This Known. Not great lol, but cas is fine to defer to dean’s greater wisdom of humanity anyway.

Cas tilted his head, “He’s not mooching, Dean. There is plenty to go around. You’re welcome to some if you’d like. I’ve noticed that you like how it smells.”

Dean felt his neck heat up, “You noticed me sniffin’ you?”

Cas nodded, doing that eye smile thing again. Dean’s stomach swooped. 

“It’s comforting,” Cas said.

I got really soft in my chest writing this bit because well, theyre in love…. And doing cute things….

What Cas called a garden, most would call a patch of weeds. It sat about a quarter of a mile away from the bunker, nestled away in the woods. When Cas said he wanted a garden, Dean pictured sunflowers, rose bushes, maybe some zucchini. Something more like what you’d see in a Thomas Kincade calendar. The greenery that Cas cultivated… was a little different from that.

So gardening is a total made up fanon cas bit that i employed just to make this fic work. Im not opposed to most fanon cas headcanons like gardening or reading i just think that if you do it it should be weird. Like i think cas would be so intimately aware of what he puts in his compost and would like watch it decompose. Another thing he would find erotic.

Dean could never make heads or tails of it. Cas insisted that most everything was native to the area, no invasives, whatever that meant, but it just looked like a mess of weird leaves and nasty mushroom logs. Sure there were flowers, but nothing Dean knew the name of. Once, Dean asked if anything was poisonous and Cas told him not to touch anything. Didn’t have to tell Dean twice.

Cas clearly seemed to know where and what everything was because he led Dean through it all, all confident. He quietly instructed Dean to watch his step every so often. Don’t touch those flowers. Be careful of the bees. There were mole holes there, be careful.

Yeah, Dean didn’t get it but it made him fuzzy inside that Cas did. 

Have you heard that dean thinks cas is a cute lil guy…….

“This thing’s from Hawaii?” Dean leaned in over Cas. It did smell really good, “Thought you were doin’ a native only garden?”

“The plant originates in South Asia, if I recall,” Cas trailed his thumb up and down the fat, thick ridges of the pinecone. Dean blinked fast when he saw Cas’s thumb coming away shiny, “And mostly native.”

I didnt add this detail but cas uses what’s left of his grace to keep the garden going. Keeping a shampoo ginger plant alive in a heavily shaded forest would be nigh impossible without divine intervention.

Something flashed in Cas’s eyes, “Generally, I come to you for a ‘little tug’. But, yes, I harvest the gel for my hair regularly.” With his clean hand, he dug into his pocket to pull out an empty bottle. He rubbed his hand along the rim, collecting what he could and letting the rest fall.

This may be a dom dean fic, but honestly cas does know how to push dean’s buttons. Like theyre dog4dog you know. Also i feel like i did cas a lil ooc with the “i come to you for a lil tug” line bc i dont think cas is one for wordplay but i wanted to get him flirting

Dean raised an eyebrow. Cas was pulling out all the stops here, big blue eyes, mouth parted, hair tousled, just begging for Dean’s fingers to grip and run through it. The fucking kneeling on the ground. Dean was getting played, he knew he was getting played. 

“Yeah, Cas,” Dean said, a lazy smile slowly sprawling across his face, “Where do you want me?” 

Cas absolutely knows that dean gets a kick out of teaching him stuff and well cas likes it too.  Nevermind that cas is a capable person (debatable in dean’s mind), cas likes knowing that he’s doing what dean wants.

Cas angled the bottle to follow their hands, collecting what he could. Almost seemed pointless. The plant was so wet, just gushing out in a constant stream of sticky, tacky fluid. Dean took in a sharp breath when Cas rearranged their fingers, so slightly, just to run his wet thumb along the broadside of Dean’s wrist. Their hands were almost at the tip, so close, and the bottle was almost full. Some of it splashed onto Dean’s boots and the ground beneath them was soaked, the liquid pooling deep. Dean’s mouth parted to exhale, his tongue heavy between his teeth.

So, i love to make the mundane erotic and i get so horny about plants lmfao.

Dean placed his other hand on Cas’s head and dabbed lightly at the gel collecting along his hairline. Cas looked up at him, his face open and eyes wanting. They closed so slowly when Dean’s hands moved, scratching his scalp and cupping the back of his head. Dean’s dick twitched at the sight.

Cas grunted and threw his head back, clearly reveling in the feeling of Dean’s touch. More gel fell down his forehead and neck. Dean’s hand tightened in his hair and he tugged lightly. 

“Don’t move unless I say you can,” Dean said, pulling Cas’s head forward.

Ok here’s where the domming begins. Dean LOVES to take care of things. He knows what’s best and he likes knowing that he can do something other than hurt people. He looooves to provide. But, you gotta follow the rules, you gotta do it right. Also dean loves to Look at the Angel. Especially when he’s covered in plant come (see title: i want you smothered want you covered like my wafflehouse hashbrowns)

“You know how I take care of my things. Keep ‘em clean, fine tuned,” Dean said, “Just like Baby.” 

Cas’s eyes widened, nodding in agreement with Dean.

“You like that?” Dean asked, his eyes hooded.

Cas nodded again. His eyes were so beautiful, framed in dark, wet lashes. Fuck– Cas was so beautiful, face flushed, sopping, dripping wet, hair mussed and wrapped around Dean’s fingers. He was looking up at Dean like he was waiting for a miracle to unfold. Dean bit his lip.

“I’m gonna take care of you just like that, okay?” Dean said and tugged on Cas’s hair, finally pulling him closer, “You gonna let me?”

Cas, jaw slack and shoulders relaxed, whispered out, “Of course.”

So the baby comparison lol. This seems to be why people love this fic and i must confess, this is an idea inspired by the issues series by everandanon. In the third installment of the series, cas is watching dean fuss and smile over trinkets from his childhood and cas wants to be something that dean cherishes and covets and keeps tucked away in a similar way. And then they have very very intense sex, you should read that series it’s very good. But reading that was sort of a eureka moment for me like cas wants dean to want to keep him. He wants to be dean’s special guy and he wants dean to care for him like a special treasure. And what possession does dean care for the most? His car. Dean’s car is like a religious idol to him, he worships it. So now cas is hearing that he’s in the same category as dean’s most precious and most reliable possession? He’s finna bust a nut.

Dean ran his hands through Cas’s soapy, wet hair so slow. When you had the opportunity to take care of an angel, you had to do it right. Dean scratched harder when Cas moaned, rubbed softer when Cas moaned. Dean was driving, but Cas was wayfinding. 

Before long, Dean couldn’t pretend that he hadn’t washed every inch of Cas’s head at least three times over. He couldn’t ignore the ache in his groin either, the way his dick pulsed with every little sound Cas made.

Dean also washes baby like this, over and over and he gets aroused by it. Caring for things makes him feel so good, so important. He likes to think he’s the only one who can really take care of the ones he loves in the right way. Doing stuff like this helps him feel that way.

Cas opened his mouth wide to fit as much of Dean as he could in his mouth. Dean’s dick lay on Cas’s tongue, undoubtedly heavy and fat. The wet heat of Cas’s tongue, the tiny movements pressed against the underside of Dean’s dick, had Dean feeling lightheaded. Cas didn’t move, didn’t suck, didn’t bob his head. Dean moved his hand in Cas’s hair again, prompting a long moan from Cas. The vibration of it took the air right from Dean’s lungs and he tugged on Cas’s hair. It was a fuckin’ feedback loop; the more Dean pulled and massaged the more Cas moaned and groaned and the more Dean pulled and his chest heaved. 

“Fuck, angel,” Dean said, “Keep it together.”

The short cockwarming portion of this fic is bc i like to think abt dean having trouble maintaining an erection. But the combination of cas’s mouth and cas doing what he’s told?? He’s got this one. Also this is very fun for cas bc he wants to go to town on that thang so bad but the tension and anticipation of dean telling him what to do just wins over.

“I’m gonna keep drivin’, okay?” Dean said, “Don’t. Don’t move, okay?”

Cas nodded so slightly, barely moving his head, but even that small action had Dean’s balls aching. 

Driving a car is like having sex to dean and vice versa of course. Drivers are the ones in total control and it’s their job to be in charge and keep everyone safe and happy.

Cas’s hands gripped the bottoms of his jeans, and even though that counted as moving, Dean let him have it. Sent a rush through Dean how much Cas liked it, how it made him handsy. When they first got together, Dean was afraid to touch the guy– thought he’d smother and choke him. Imagine if Dean realized ten years ago that Cas wasn’t above breaking any rules, if it meant he’d get to touch Dean. 

Destiel always gets me bc dean thinks he’s gonna hurt everyone but he doesnt realize that cas is a glutton for pain. And well yeah dean hurts cas a lot but cas….. He wants it lmao. Dean’s love IS smothering, it’s like freakin smoke, pervasive and you can really choke on it. But that’s sort of what cas is looking for, something all consuming that he can commit his entire being to. Two guys who love codependence…. well dean doesnt like it per se, but c'est la vie

“Stay with me, sweetheart,” Dean said, “Move your hand.”

“W-Wha–” Cas breathed out.

“On the red thing,” Dean said, slowing his pace on Cas’s dick, “Jerk off the flower for me.”

Purely horny reasoning here. Dean really likes watching cas engage in sexual acts even if theyre not with him (see life skills by ilovehowyouletmefall). Dean has such complicated feelings towards sex. This flower thing is perfect to watch bc it’s like a dick so dean can see his own dick in cas’s hand but ALSO it’s a flower…. Delicate…. It can get really beat up if you’re too rough with it…. Having a gender moment…..

Cas immediately latched onto Dean’s neck, sucking and biting hard. Dean sharply inhaled, his heart hammering in his chest. He reached his hand further into Cas’s pants to cup his balls. Things were so tight, Dean wasn’t sure how he hadn’t busted his load yet. He moved his hand back to Cas’s dick and squeezed hard again. Cas moaned into his neck and bit at the at bend of Dean’s jaw, licking and sucking like his life depended on it. His hand still worked hard at the plant, bruising its red flesh. Dean didn’t think Cas would be able to reuse this particular bloom again. The ridges were crumpled and the whole thing was falling apart. Cas shook under Dean’s hands.

Dean likes to be KISSED and LATCHED onto…. Mommy moment….  And he likes that cas is fucking the flower up, losing control (this is a thing for me, i love when cas loses control with dean)

“Come on,” Dean whispered into Cas’s ear, nipping at the lobe, “I got you.”

Cas moaned Dean’s name. The sound was almost a sob, but Dean couldn’t see his face to be sure. Dean squeezed Cas’s dick harder, back to that same crushing pressure. Dean’s hand was starting to chafe, but he didn’t want to let go of Cas to get more gel, didn’t want to stop touching him, didn’t want to stop hearing him cry out and tremble. 

This is a thing for them both. Dean HAS cas. Like cas belongs to dean meaning dean is gonna take care of him and dean is gonna make sure that it’s gonna be okay even when things seem overwhelming.

Cas’s arms immediately wrapped Dean and he pressed their lips into a crushing kiss. Dean let him have his way, opening his mouth wide. He rubbed Cas’s back, up and down, up and down, all soft and shit. Every time it got intense, they always made sure to follow it up with the soft shit. Turned Cas into angelic pudding every time. 

It’s not “aftercare” (it is) but dean doesn’t know bdsm rules. They have never negotiated a kink onnce in their lives. They just know it feels nice to be sweet on each other. :)

Dinner was great, as it always was when Dean had any control over it. He made something for everyone, letting the pride wash over him as everyone smiled into their plates, getting up from the table with full bellies. Even though Sam always gave Dean shit for unbuckling his belt at dinner, Dean caught him doing the same fuckin’ shit. It was good.

Everybody helped clear the table, but somehow Sam and Dean got stuck doin’ dishes, Cas and Eileen making themselves conveniently scarce when the time came. Secretly, Dean was pretty okay with that. Reminded him of all the small and simple moments they used to have, between all the bullshit. 

Dean’s rose colored glasses on the past lmao. Also dean believes he knows what everyone wants and it only gets worse when he’s right.

“Yeah, but you tell her you were jerkin’ it with, Cas?”

“Dean!” Sam almost dropped the plate in his hands.

“Hey, I don’t have any problems with it!” Dean shrugged, biting the inside of his mouth to keep from laughing, “But maybe Eileen might not like you fondling some aka pooki plant with my man.”

Dean thinks it’s funny bc obviously sam knows the optics of the situation. If dean had walked in on cas giving sam a demonstration he would have no reacted so well imo. Ive written a smubble where sam and dean share cas, but that is something i think works best in a pre season 9 world.

“Now you’re being racist,” Sam said. “Oh, now I can’t call out my brother when he plays slippery pickle with a guy I’m fucking,” Dean said, rolling his eyes, “Because of woke.”

absolutely ridiculous of me but i love thinking about dean as a sort of modern archie bunker type character. he knows the whole thing is ridiculous here but he loves to push sam's buttons lol

[themoodyestj]

Did you see what that account wrote again? She claims to have a fan, but I think she’s your fan. No one tagged her, yet here she is. She says she admires Elta for her achievements, but I suspect the account's dream is to be a breadwinner, have children, and a husband who is often absent, so she doesn’t have to deal with him much while still bringing in money. It’s like the old days, when women had no choice and were constrained by society. Now, with more rights and freedoms, some choose not to do anything, and this is somehow seen as admirable.

No one cares whether she is new money or old money; only someone lacking the experience of old money would make that distinction. That type of person values status, and the Ackles, especially Elta, have none. With her past of appearing in magazines in revealing outfits, many would find her vulgar.

Maybe it’s not Elta, or maybe it is—she seems very aware of what is being said.

Yeah, I definitely have a new fan. It's so funny. :D The level the delulu is through the roof, as usual. Rose colored glasses while covering their ears and singing *lalalalala* outloud.

Make no mistake, I have nothing against stay at home moms. Some of my friends have given up a career for a while to support her kids on difficult transitions because what their spouses made in terms of salary was more than enough. Female empowerment is also to have the choice to be at home, or the choice to work. Nothing wrong with that.

What irks me, and is mostly my criticism towards Danneel, is that she pretends to be something she's not. Obviously she knew nothing about TW, otherwise she wouldn't have stuck her foot in her mouth like she did regarding the lore, and when the show failed she would be alongside her husband to take the fall. I hate how she is so adamant in diminishing her husband's accomplishments, except when she can self insert some way. I hate that she supported Destiel, when it was clear that her husband hated it, and her kids were being threatened because of it. I hate that she tokenizes her kids for views, including taking a picture of her toddler while crying instead of consoling her.

If that blogger is as old as time as they claim, they know nothing about life, which is even more concerning. They also know nothing about social circles, and building a good reputation or establishing a good name. Making soft porn and claiming in interviews you wish you could cut someone's hair because you feel jealous of them does not make a good rep sheet. Treating your husband like a moron just because you want to feel good about yourself has nothing to do with being powerful.

And honestly, I wish this blogger a relationship that is a lot better than Jenneel. That couple doesn't even look good on paper. Nobody wants that in their lives, except for naive fans.

An experienced, self-assured, truly empowered woman wouldn't behave like Danneel, and that's something only experienced, self-assured, truly empowered women will know, unfortunately.

[babyboywinchester]

i’m the season 3 anon, i’m on season 5 now but i wanted to talk about the siren episode because i found it so interesting that the siren wanted to be deans little brother, not some hot chick that dean always hooks up with. like i think it’s pretty cut and dry that dean wants to be with and loves his little brother (whether people see that as romantic or platonic, is up to them) but i just don’t see how that’s proof of dean being gay. he’s never shown any romantic/sexual interest in men, so saying he’s gay based on that episode to further destiel is so weird. like headcannoning sexualities for fictional characters is fine but saying it’s cannon and pushing people to also believe it is just so rude.

also i am a wincest shipper because i just love the codependency between the two of them and how they are always willing to sacrifice their own self for the other.

sorry that’s like two separate things, anyway that’s for replying to me before, it means a lot.

Oh, yeah, no. I feel you there. It is explicitly stated several times even by the siren itself that he is a stand in for Sam. To think or believe otherwise is just being willfully ignorant. Dean is still not gay and Destiel still isn’t canon.

The show, obviously, isn’t about the romantic love between them, but they’re still soulmates who share a heaven. Wincesties stay winning.

No need to thank me! I love talking about the brothers and their bond! Thank you for indulging me! 🩷

[angstics]

nonsense deadpool & wolverine rant

ive been talking about deadpool 3 for days over on twitter -- which is a lot for a movie i was meh about and will forget in 2 weeks (like i have all other deadpool films). BUT i like thinking about how gay ppl & themes are treated in popular film and this is probably going to be the biggest "gay themed" film this year ... which is sad considering this is the year of 2 luca guadagnino films and monkey man and tv glow et al. anyhow. this was a big hit in fandom -- which should not be a surprise considering the mcu and comics fandoms. the "this was sooooo gay" response has been irritating, and so has the counter-argument. the text may not be a gay text but it DOES use gay elements in its text. like Obviously so. to the point that it's hard to discern whether it's appropriation or meaningful, a homophobic joke or somewhat earnest... and why???

part of it will always be the comic characterization of deadpool as a hypersexual pansexual freak who sexually harasses men because that has been deemed highlarious. there's at least one joke recycled (about being tied up together and getting an erection), replacing spiderman in the comics with wolverine in the movie. i can easily see straight men playing these jokes with each other -- i probably have on youtube. this is what makes the "you cant deny this is gay" thing fandom people say sooooooooooooooooooo annoying -- HOMOSEXUAL encounters are not limited to people with THE GAY GENE. straight men sexually harass their friends ("friends") all the time. allllll the time. what makes someone (and a relationship) gay is intention and affection and desire and identity and cultural place -- and a billion other things. there are many movies about two men (and less about two women) who everyone sees as super gay... defiant ones (1958) comes to mind since i recently was reminded of it. heat 1995, thelma & louise 1991. dead poets society 1989 also comes to mind. but no one Serious is claiming this is the dominant (as in "common") reading or INTENDED meaning -- no one is saying these are gay characters in gay relationships. they arent like fried green tomatoes 1991 or midnight cowboy 1969 or rebel without a cause 1955, where it was verifiably gay in some way.

there's a phenomena where a character / relationship (probably) wasnt supposed to be gay, but it came off that way UNDENIABLY because they borrowed too much from gay experiences -- like scream 1992, or very commonly in terms of trans experiences: psycho 1960, silence of the lambs 1991, synecdoche new york 2008. and fraiser lol. Every movie is different and has a different way of doing things which result in different suggestions and conclusions and interpretations and impacts. Big surprise.

deadpool 3 obscures these boundaries in this new pseudo-progressive age. but it is still inaccurate to pretend it was "gay coding" -- as in they were hiding a gay story via Big Subtext and using a straight story to sell a gay movie (which i have seen suggested the use of DP's ex). i cant fucking believe we're still doing destiel conspiracies. im sure stucky had a similar reaction this deadpool ship has (and the spideypool ship), but i think it is understood that Steve Whatshisname wasnt and would never be gay (Bucky could be, he has time).

the misunderstanding comes in the blurring. it's like in the middle of a political compass. ok fine i made one

some moments obviously meant to evoke a gay spirit: bar scene, car scene, madonna scene, "introducing the boyfriend" scene, the Appreciation of the Male Body & Fighting as Fucking theme (note that DP's lesbians were just standing there in 2 scenes?)

Deadpool (and Wolverine) really are pan: an alternate Wolverine is in love w the Mythic Hercules in a comic series (and maybe Cyclops? Subtextually? Throupley?). deadpool is well known in comics, but he does off-hand talk about having non-vaginal sex (? or masturbating?) in this movie

what is romantic is defined by DP's LI: the movie cant hide behind everything being a joke when it has a guiding emotional core consisting of DP's lost (female) love, who he can express affection and attraction to in both serious and comedic contexts

No honest romantic or sexual tension: i have seen movies with subtextual / coded tension and this doesnt have it. it's no popped champagne bottle, or face caressed in blood. there is also no story. i havent mentioned this yet but this movie has a really lackluster story between dp & wolverine that doesnt allow for much interpretation even in a platonic or narrative sense

all these things are true at once, and ignoring one aspect for another doesnt make sense of the film (and characters and audience reaction) as a whole. at the end of the day............. it doesnt matter........ i only really care about being accurate and respecting film history & gay history & continuing to call for gay gay gay stories in popular film. dp3 made a lot of gay jokes that were genuinely unexpected, so it isnt LE FOU 2. but it isnt the end of the line. this was a good thread that described the split well

[soullessjack]

listen i get your frustration about how people treat jack, i hate when people reducd him down to just a destiel baby too. but as an autistic person myself, i really disagree with you calling people that like baby jack ableist. he's canonically 4 years old and had to have his childhood basically stripped away from him due to how dangerous it was. i don't think people enjoying the thought of him getting to have that chance at a happy childhood is as cruel and evil as you seem to think.

hi, I’m actually going to answer this differently than I did at first, because I feel like I missed the point and spent way too much time on the canon logistics of “giving Jack a childhood that he chose to skip and is never shown to want,” or that he’s actually pretty obviously portrayed as a teenager in the show, or that his character fundamentally revolves around autonomy & the struggle to have it, and not enough on the actual ableism. I’m also going to be a lot meaner this time, sorry.

honestly, you don’t get my frustrations. you don’t get that this isn’t some petty fandom drama about “muh fav being misunderstood” or “grr this content bad.” you don’t get my frustration if you think that’s all there is to any of this. this is something with an actual bearing on reality and the entire topic of representation in general, which you’d get if you took your head out of your ass and looked around for once. autistic people are still immensely underrepresented and misrepresented in most mainstream media. we are still seen and treated as circus animals, as punchlines, as lesser humans if not subhumans, and we have to face that alongside navigating a world that is wholly and systemically unnavigable to us. fiction and fandoms are an escape for many people, but especially marginalized people who long for community and representation.

the autistic community has a pretty long history of resonating with nonhuman characters in fiction over time, from robots to aliens to monsters in horror movies. because whether it’s their mannerisms or specific struggles or even narrative experiences, they resonate with us. jack resonates with us. he’s important to us as autistic people—and namely, as autistic adults who very rarely see ourselves represented in ways that don’t depict us as gross man-children, infantilized precious beans or emotionless geniuses. in fact, the very notion that autistic people are inherently childlike or mentally children directly leads into our sole representation being children, and even more into the treatment of us as “precious small beans.” does that ring any fucking bells to you yet?

jack might not have been intentionally written with autism or representation on mind, but this fandom literally builds itself up on coding and unintentional implications. he was also confirmed to be autistic anyways, so anyone still whining should just grow the fuck up about it. also, ironically, most accidentally autistic characters end up being the best kind lmao. but these discussions? these analyses by autistic fans —and even just fans who actually care about his complexities — only exist within our own little circles, and the idea of baby!jack is very much the fandom’s steadfastly going mainstream version of him—so much so that people are convinced it’s actually canon, they die on that hill like it’s some obligation to uphold. and any viewing of his canon character with nuance or complexity, or even his basic personality, is left to gather dust. it stops becoming people having fun when it’s over-saturating and supersedes actual canon. it stops becoming people having fun when it’s actually fucking harmful.

it’s frustrating as a general fan, but downright upsetting as an autistic fan who sees themself in him and has to witness every fucking day — in a community that prides itself on being a big found family no less — the infantilization of traits I and other autistic people express, and the stubborn justification of him being “actually a toddler” with even more autistic traits. There are literal scraps of canon adult Jack content to engage with; of any semi-intelligent thoughts on him to indulge in.

what you don’t get (or you refuse to get) that there is a direct correlation between all of this, the way jack is treated (ie ‘reduced to a destiel baby’) and the ableist infantilization surrounding his character. as in, this content directly feeds into his treatment, which then feeds back into the content made of him, which then feeds back again into his treatment in a horrible and exhausting cycle.

what you don’t get is that constantly regurgitating content where the baseline is jack being actively stripped of his identity and autonomy for the sake of becoming an accessory to Destiel/Sastiel/the Domestic Winchester Family is inherently rooted in layers of deep ableist rhetoric, and you can perpetuate all of that even without any intent for it. I’m not a fucking moron, and I’m not the big bad guy you’re talking to me like. I don’t think anyone who enjoys baby!jack is inherently “cruel” or “evil,” or turning jack into a baby while thinking “this’ll stick one to those retards,” and twirling their moustache, okay? and it’s really so funny to me that you’re trying to point the finger back at me. at least you tried.

what you don’t get is that whenever autistic fans voice our perspective on baby!jack, we’re fucking ignored. we’re fed the same rotten slop over and over and over again. “But we want him to be happy!” “But it’s an AU, it’s not canon!” “But he actually is a baby because XYZ!” “But, but!” Buts are not an argument, they’re the thing you still haven’t found a way to pull your heads out of. maybe the lack of oxygen from so many people in one small dark space is why you’re so fucking stubborn to understand this.

you wanna know what is cruel? being told that you are doing something hurtful, something harmful and something that painfully reflects real life struggles a real community goes through, and shrugging it off. being aware of the value something brings to someone else, and stripping it away simply because it doesn’t matter to you personally. finding another But or a corner-cut to excuse yourself from blame. you didn’t have the decency to listen when general fans said “hey this is kind of annoying can we treat him like an actual person,” and you don’t even have the decency to concede when autistic people are saying this is a deeply wrong thing to do.

if you have to ignore an entire community’s voice to feel better about the content you’re making that directly hurts them, if you don’t personally think it’s harmful or even real because autistic struggles are never real, then I am well within reason to assume you’re not a good person. it’s one thing to do something wrong because you’re uninformed, and it’s another thing entirely to continue to do that when you’ve been informed, and simply decided that it wasn’t worth changing or stopping.

believe me, as an autistic person I am well used to being isolated, to not being anyone’s priority in this capitalistic circle of hell. I am ready to expect my struggles and existence to be tokenized for somebody else to feel good, or squeeze money from. Im used to seeing movies portray my experience as some Manic Pixie Star-seed or creepy overgrown child. I know the world doesn’t care about me. But I don’t think I’m asking too much for this, the big found family fandom that’s been shown to care so much about every other problem, to care about me. To listen when it’s hurting me, or uplift something I care about.

I don’t think I’m asking for anything less than this family to actually treat me like I am part of it. But can you even do that?

[loosethreadsofyoursoul]

it’s never too late by steppenwolf (aka the song from the end of 13x5) is thee dean winchester song. let me elaborate.

(i haven’t seen any posts about this so if there are any i would love to know about it bc i am passionate about this.)

firstly, i could pick that entire scene apart with how it relates to dean and what he’s going through as well as all the symbolism—the mother losing her child, billie in death’s library, the shots of the impala, the neon signs in shot when they finally drive up to cas—but honestly i would never run out of things to say about it.

the overarching themes of both that scene and this song are regret and guilt and wishing you could go back and do things, treat people, differently, and so putting them together in that way is perfect. more specifically, the song is about a man who had all these ambitions, mostly because of pressure from his parents, but finds himself grown up having achieved none of them and because of that, it starts to affect the people around him. sound familiar?

especially right now, dean is suffering so much loss, and (somewhat inadvertently) is taking it out on sam and jack, both his kids in a way (on your woman and your child / you release your bitterness). all he wants is his family back (i.e. mary and cas) but since there’s nothing he can do to go back and fix what took them away from him, he has a lot of trouble seeing the point in going on.

although you’re trained to make your mark / you still don’t quite know what to do

yeah. he’s lived like that for a while, but he’s especially feeling it now. his reaction to billie telling him he still has work to do was not exactly enthusiastic.

as he says to sam in this ep, he’s taken every previous loss in stride and just kept going, kept working, and (in some ways) kept starting over despite it all. but he might not be able to do it anymore. we’re seeing him at his lowest, all he wants is to die, but he’s finally let sam in, even if neither of them are sure where to go from here. and what happens next? his phone rings, and his best friend is on the other end.

we all know there’s a stark difference in dean from one episode to the next (13x6 is tombstone), and why is that? dean got the win he needed. he got cas back, and he’s no longer just watching time slip by until his death. a reason to live just walked back into his life. he’s learning that, maybe, it really is never too late.

this happens a lot for dean, specifically with losing cas, where it feels like he’s finally lost for good this time, but he’s always managed to get cas back or to find some way to keep going.

another line i find very fitting for dean is in the second verse:

the god of your childhood you can’t find / to save you from your emptiness

obviously, this could be about chuck and how unreliable he is, especially when dean (and sam) needs him most, which we saw most recently at the end of 13x1. (“the god of your childhood” could also be the samulet, but thats a different discussion.)

again, there’s a lot of lines that i think reflect dean’s character and everything he’s been through really well, but rather than enduring the essay i could write about it, go (re)listen and you’ll see what i mean. it’s just so beautifully fitting, especially given it’s 60s/70s rock which i think dean would appreciate.

that ending scene of dean and cas seeing each other again, particularly with that song in the background, is one i think about a lot and, to me, is criminally underrated in terms of destiel moments. it’s one of my favs and it makes me cry like a baby.

so yes, it’s never too late by steppenwolf is THEE dean winchester song and i hope you agree. it’s also just an excellent song tbh go listen to it and cry with me xx

[scoobydoodean]

You know what just really frost my cookies with the whole "Dean doesn't care as much about Cas" discourse??? That post you reblogged about how strong their relationship was in s4/s5 got me thinking about this, but like they had two seasons of such intense relationship building and camaraderie, that Dean was literally fighting Bobby and Sam (his two most important people!!!) over not trusting Cas in s6, and it was DEAN who tried to keep a relationship with Cas s6 - s8, like that man tried everything to keep their relationship going - and that's not to blame Cas, he had his own shit going on (well except for s6, I do blame him for that lol his position is understandable, but it was still his fault), but Dean tried and it still just never worked.

Maybe this is just me, but I've always kind of viewed their relationship in the later seasons as, Dean worked hard to keep them going for so long that eventually it kind of just...hit him that maybe Cas didn't want that? So he stopped trying quite as hard, he remembered the times Cas left, and he interpreted them as rejections, which is in part why the Divorce Arc happened - it was a culmination of many many MANY things, not just the "obvious". That's just my interpretation though, and obviously others have and can interpret it differently.

In summary I see it as, early seasons Dean chasing and pining after Cas, eventually feels rejected and betrayed, later seasons Cas chasing and pining after Dean

Though to be fair and admit to my biases, I was watching s6-s8 in real time on TV, and then I drifted away mid s9 and didn't go back and watch the rest of the seasons until recently, so my strongest impressions of Destiel are of those earlier seasons, so I tend to view it in a different light I think than people who started watching later (or more specifically after Nov 5th and/or for Cas - not that anything is wrong w watching for those reasons lol)

Yeah I think it is very very silly to think that Dean doesn’t care about Cas as much as Cas cares about him. Like wildly so.

I think this line of thinking comes mainly from focusing too much on one character's POV. I think Dean came off a few times in season 6 like he saw his relationship with Cas as transactional—even though that isn’t imo how he actually felt about Cas (just like we can analyze Cas as thinking of his relationship with the Winchesters as very transactional but he does care about them despite how it appears). I think Dean was just kind of hurt because Cas had ghosted him for so long and he thought they were friends and they'd built this bond? So in season 6, he was reacting to what he thought were the boundaries Cas himself set—boundaries that suggested Cas—the guy controlling the means of communication—did not want a friendship with him. Cas ditched Dean in the car at the end of Swan Song and then just invisibly watched Dean rake leaves. Dean was right there. Dean could only pray to Cas. Cas wouldn’t respond. In season 6, without giving Dean a say—while watching Dean rake leaves and considering whether to ask for his help—Cas decided (again--unilaterally) he wouldn't involve Dean, and I do think that decision was out of love, and also probably because... well—he probably thought "what can Dean actually... do?" But ultimately, he wanted a person he cared about who had been through a lot to just be able to rest—that's what he says. Not including Dean (and Sam) continued after Dean came back to hunting as well, because 1) Cas was still thinking about protecting Dean 2) He didn't think Dean could do anything to help (which I think is... probably pretty reasonable—he originally considered including Dean I think mainly for his tenacity) 3) the whole thing had ballooned and Cas was making deals he probably didn't even fully agree with himself—so he was ashamed to some extent, but also knew... he wasn't going to stop, and that Dean would ask him to stop.

Cas is... well—I'm going to say "more morally flexible"... and I don't think that's always a bad thing. This is a useful quality in the line of work TFW is in, honestly. He is more ruthless than Sam and Dean and he also knows that he is, and I think he actually likes to position himself as the ruthless one. He likes being the person who is willing to do what is necessary to get shit done and he's willing to sacrifice a part of himself to do it... because he can take it. He planned to kill Jesse behind the Winchester's backs to spare them the unpleasantness (and the same, later, with Kelly and Jack—when Sam and Dean were looking for a way to save both of them and Cas just went to go find Kelly and kill her). He broke Sam's wall and killed a very good friend—Balthazar—because his friends were standing in his way and he was focused on his ultimate purpose which was stopping another apocalypse. He mind tortured Donatello because it needed to be done. I think that Dean understands that Cas wants to position himself as the ruthless one, and I think Dean also understands that this isn't always a bad quality. I also think it's an obvious point of contention, because Dean is the least morally flexible in the group and is the most tenacious, which I think Cas, in turn, appreciates about Dean—but it is going to lead to clashes between them as best friends with one being tenacious about choosing the least morally crooked path when possible, and the other saying "Can we please just get on with it? I'll do it if you don't want to—I don't mind."

And that's... to some extent, what is happening in season 6... besides the lying and the hurt besties feelings and secrets and betrayals. The actual soul swallowing plan? It's Dean's tenacious insistence on following a more prudent path versus Cas's "Let's get the fuck on with it"... and there's fairness to both sides of that imo... which is why I'm annoyed with certain individuals trying to make this a "sides" thing. It isn't the actual plan as much as it's what he did around it that's the issue, and Dean isn't obligated to agree with him or to trust him after he lied so many goddamn times. Like. Dean's trust was not something to which Cas was entitled, point blank.

You're right—Dean didn’t think Cas would ever lie to him like that in season 6. He couldn’t believe it. He refused to believe it. And I think fans do this thing actually where they hear Cas say in season 6 that he’s always trusted Dean and he always comes when Dean calls and they just buy into that and go “Yeah! That’s so true!” and build an entire analysis on that (and then post insufferable parallels between that and 4.21 thinking they are saying something about Dean's "trust issues" when they are... making a very different parallel lmao). What Cas is saying about always trusting Dean isn’t true—and what’s more, Cas knows it isn’t. He knows suggesting Dean doesn’t trust him enough isn’t fair. When he was spying on Sam and Dean and Bobby he made specific note of “Dean trying so hard to be loyal” and defending him fiercely. (In fact—was there anyone Dean trusted more at that point in his life—despite also clearly being hurt by Cas ghosting him? Bobby, maybe. That's about it.) When Cas came back and tried to retroactively claim entitlement to Dean’s trust, he suggested an imbalance of trust because he was trying to dig into that part of Dean that is loyal to his friends. In other words, he was telling a lie for manipulation purposes, and that's just the damn truth. It isn't some crap about Dean having trust issues. It's Dean not buying some crap Cas is trying to sell—a twisted picture he is trying to paint to avoid doing something worse to get Dean out of his way.

It is insane for people to say Dean doesn't care about Cas as much as Cas cares about him though when you consider Cas hurt someone Dean loves just to keep Dean out of his way—he broke Sam's brain—Sammy's brain—and Dean still found a way to forgive that despite all of the trauma he has wrapped up in protecting Sam, and then he fought 360 degree combat through Purgatory looking for someone who abandoned him. Then while that person was beating him to death he was looking up at him calling him family and Cas again abandoned him. Any time Dean expressed affection for Cas there was a good bet Cas leaving would follow quickly. But Dean approaches Cas in a way the majority of fandom refuses to approach all of the characters—with an understanding of his motivations and hangups and intentions and what is in his heart (and Cas approaches him the same way). Despite it all, Dean knows that Cas cares about him. He doesn't understand why Cas won't include him though—or he does, and the reasons aren't okay with him and Cas will. not. stop. and that is the ever growing festering wound that leads to the divorce arc. It is absolutely 100% a "straw that broke the camel's back" situation. Dean's frustrations with Cas's unilateral decision-making are not... ever dealt with. Cas wanting to ghost Dean is not ever dealt with. Cas Malewifing sidelining Dean whenever he damn well feels like it by just refusing to answer the phone is not ever dealt with. Because each time it's discussed, it happens again. The ultimate narrative is just that Dean should be expected to accept it, and be grateful, and I don't think that's fair. I don't think that refusing to communicate is something that Dean should have to put up with from his best friend. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ But more than that, I'm sad that it's something Cas isn't allowed to grow from, because that tendency—that desire for that secrecy and control of the means of communication and that desperation for martyrdom—that is coming from a place of great pain for Cas—a wound—and it's a deep one, and he deserved to get to start to close that wound up and heal.

[sailorsally]

hi so I am very new to the fandom. Can you explain who Daniela is? I am so lost but I do get the vibe that I already dislike her

Hi anon! Daniela is the woman who organizes JiB con in Rome, Italy every year. There have been a handful of those cons so far. See there are many supernatural cons but JiB was special because a) it's in Europe when most CE cons are limited to the US and b) JiB had something no other con had: a cockles panel!

You might have seen Jensen and Misha being silly and flirty on stage, most of these are from JiB. Over the years JiB had given us classics like the famous "resume off", straddle gate, orgasm imitation, hitch kiss, green eyed grasshopper & blue eyed cootie pototie, "you know what i haven't told you today? That love you", and most recently Jensen calling Misha his (?) boyfried.

So needless to say, masses would flock from all corners of the world to JiB con to experience the sexually charged deranged energy between these men in person & pay lots of money for it too! (Or should I say "donate" because JiB con is officially registered as a charity and the prices people pay for tickets/extras are called "donations" in order to avoid paying taxes. Yes, for real)

However, Daniela, the organizer as established above, is also head over heels in love with Jensen and wants to have him all to herself. This need of hers often manifests in her being not so kind to Misha (#interesting). She will famously send in Jared to crash cockles panels whenever Jensen & Misha get too handsy. Most recently she interrupted a genuine heartfelt moment between Misha and Jensen when Jensen was praising Misha and talking about their lifelong friendship. Now I know this could be seen as a coincidence but the interruption ALWAYS happens when Jensen & Misha are being affectionate.

On top of this, Daniela is, well, homophobic?? At the last JiB con with Misha someone tried to get their fanart of Dean & Cas touching foreheads signed and Daniela wouldn't allow Misha to sign. On top of that, she was super rude about it at the time (noting that there were no rules about destiel fanart nor was the piece in question nsfw) and then took the whole thing online and when people confronted her about it on twitter she just decided that from now on she wouldn't allow any Destiel fanart at con and also blocked bunch of people who were criticizing her.

Now the latest drama is that she announced yesterday that Misha won't be coming to JiB anymore because he's charging too much and they can't afford to pay him (so far Misha was only getting a fraction of what Jensen & Jared get from attending JiB con). And that's all good and understandable except her numerous tweets make it sound like it's Misha's fault because he's too greedy. Here's one of the examples:

Or again, it's Misha's fault because he doesn't sell as good as J*2:

which is obviously a lie because

all in all, the worst thing in all this is that she kept tagging Misha in ALL her petty replies 🙂

Anyways, that's Daniela for you.

[autisticandroids]

I would like a director's commentary on your bleak Harper/Jack fic, thank you. Since it still makes me sad.

<3 fuck yeah. i'm so ready to do this commentary it's gonna take days...

anyway the thing that motivated me to do this in the first place is like. okay. list of reasons.

one is that i kind of wanted to write a fic about jack that both took him seriously and also was not *entirely* just about his relationship with his parents. like jack having something outside of that.

another is that i find harper kind of enticing, as a character? like, there's a lot of meat on her for a one episode villain. the fact that she's never left her home town, "a long line of necromancers," the fact that she killed her boyfriend to keep him!, her seemingly genuine interest in jack, the melodramatic way that the actress played her, the letter.... there's a lot there. and it's crazy to me that there were only two jackharper fics on ao3. also it drives me up the wall that they never brought her back in the show, like, come on.

like actually my first thoughts about jackharper were situated in this longrunning deancas (with jack as their kid) human au that exists mainly in dms between me, @an-android-in-a-tutu, and @pregstiel, which i don't need to get into right now but suffice to say that the sort of final form of dean and cas' relationship in that au is not abusive but it isn't exactly healthy, and dean (being dean) is a pretty domineering and smothering presence in cas' life and also jack's. and jack is like. he's autistic and is fairly disabled by it? he can basically hold a job but can't really care for himself physically (eating meals, keeping his apartment livable, etc.) or really deal with other people at all? so dean is quite involved in, as dean sees it, still parenting him well into his twenties. and is obviously rather domineering and smothering. possibly helping more than jack actually *needs* as such and etc. and perhaps being a bit invasive about it. classic dean. anyway this was all context for jack getting into a relationship with harper and dean just. hating her. because dean just cannot imagine a girl getting with his baby boy for honest reasons. because he just simply needs so much care. she must be after money or something. and all of this dislike of harper is obscuring to dean the actual problem, which is that harper is stalkerishly obsessed with jack and the main reason the relationship is continuing is that harper is kind of domineering in a way that reflects both cas and dean's relationship and dean and jack's relationship, jack isn't really making the choices, he's letting them be made for him because that's what he's used to. but because dean is terminally incapable of self-awareness he does not see that at all. and this was really fun to think about and it kind of got me invested in jackharper, conceptually. though now that i'm saying all this: man it would be really fun and wretched to make a little extra bit of this fic but dean pov.

and then another reason i wanted to write this fic is like. i really enjoy torturing other characters (generally sam and jack) with established destiel. usually in my mind it's sam? like i can honestly provide a preeeeeetty long history of my thoughts on this topic. lol. but you know i get a lot out of like. imagining sam finding out that dean is gay in season fifteen and just having to sit with that. like what if your brother who sucks turned out to have been in the closet his whole life. like he still sucks but now you know this depressing thing about him. and also you can never bring it up to him or tell anyone else. lol. anyway this kind of "man it would suck to be in the blast radius of deancas" impulse is what led to this concept, which is basically what i built the fic around? as i've said, this element was kind of the most fun part for me.

then also like..... as i've said, optimism is one of my top episodes of spn ever just by enjoyability of watch. i like it a lot. and also each time i see it i allow a single tear to roll down my face morning the charmingly "plucky young protagonist"-ish version of jack we could have had. it's so perfectly put together that it manages to avoid being grating despite the like. everything. and a lot of that is the interplay of cheery and dark elements. but also jack is like. way less annoying than that archetype normally is. he's so charming in optimism. anyway i just kind of. wanted to try integrating optimism more into canon. is another reason.

and then over the summer i wrote this fic, which is maybe my fave thing i produced this year, and i wanted to see if i could sustain that high note for a longer period.

okay. without further ado.

Every Relationship Has Its Stuff

Pepperidge Farm. Oroweat. Sara Lee. Wonderbread. Brownberry. King’s Hawaiian. Dean had just specified “sliced bread.” Jack is pretty sure Dean likes Sara Lee butter bread, but its slot on the shelf is empty. He knows Sam likes Brownberry. Jack likes it, too. It’s sweet and molasses-y. He likes it with the tunafish salad Sam sometimes makes for lunch, when Dean is having a nap. 

starting out strong with: hey i like brownberry tuna sandwiches. but also you know. the anxiety of being sent out to get an item and it being out and not being sure if you'll even be believed that it was gone etc.

The bright white lights of the Walmart beat into his eyes. There’s pop music on the speakers, lyrics indistinguishable from instrumentation in a swirling cacophony of synthy noise. Jack thinks he can maybe hear the word married ? And amazing . There’s footsteps behind him, along with the shh of clothing, and chatter in the next aisle - something about the merits of Pop Tarts vs. Toaster Struedel. A cart’s wheel squeaks.

so i actually checked what songs were charting in january uh. 2018? 2019? one of those. anyway. i thought thank u next was a funny choice which would bring an appropriately rancid energy to this opening. anyway. i had fun setting this in a walmart because i wanted to situate this fic in a depressing, fluorescent, branded world. something that actually feels like a midwestern middle of nowhere, as opposed to the bright and cheery fantastical small towns of yockeynatural. it's also inspired somewhat by @davidfosterwallaceandgromit's trapdoor, the way in that fic as the characters become less a part of tv world, the real, unpleasant details of life like ads on the screens at gas stations start becoming real to them.

Jack reaches for the Brownberry. The butter bread is out. This is what they have. And he and Sam like it. His fingers sink into the pillowy bread and-

a little rebellion that isn't even really a rebellion but it has to be framed that way to not be scary, you know? like that gives jack a bit of control over his fear.

All of his muscles lock. It’s instinctual. It’s instinctual because of the pain. The pain and the tearing sensation. The faint ringing in his ears. The tearing sensation in his- chest. The tug on his Grace as it- as it keeps him alive. 

His vision is dark, too dark to see. There is a dribbling feeling. Hot and runny. Like post-nasal drip except. Except on his back. Because one of the major arteries in his heart has been punctured. The strange balloon sensation as his Grace refills his circulatory system, only for blood to keep flowing out. His arteries rippling and clenching.

one of the reasons i didn't want jack to be relying on soul magic here is that i wanted this scene to work without really having tension strung over it. i wanted his grace to protect him without us having to worry about him chewing up his soul to do it.

It shifts inside him, slightly. Whatever it is. He can feel flesh parting, and a little more blood bubbles forth from his arteries. It’s shaking. Trembling. An involuntary shudder wracks Jack’s body, and the hole in him tears a little wider.

He knows this feeling. He’s been stabbed. 

It’s never happened from the back before.

He needs- hm. He needs to retake control of his muscles. It’s a jerky operation, he’s in shock. He has to bypass human neural impulses and do it with his Grace, because the nerves aren’t really firing right now. Contract the tricep - no, wrong one. Contract the deltoid to raise the arm, then the bicep, rotate the elbow, close the hand… got it.

Jack pulls the knife from his chest.

in a lot of ways this fic is what i did instead of stabfest this year. both literally in the sense that this fic is basically why i didn't do stabfest, but also figuratively because i am definitely drawing on the history of deancas horny stabbing that stabfest also draws upon.

It’s a strange sensation. More ripping flesh, combined with strange emptiness. Movement deep inside. Feeling where there should be no feeling. A surge of pain as the blade is taken away and clots that had futilely begun to form around it tear. Jack shudders again, and he coughs, an involuntary spasm. He feels the wetness on his mouth before registering the taste. He’s drooling blood, his lower lip tingles with it, with the stickiness. He can feel it dripping from the corner of his mouth. Beading and drying on his chin.

the image of blood from the mouth is one i liked. also this is intentionally horny. hopefully it came through :3

Flesh knits behind the retreating point of the knife. Soon Jack is good as new, save for the blood on his shirt. 

His muscles begin to work again. His eyes and ears come back online. Just in time for a soft little gasp from behind him.

Jack spins, appreciating his newfound control of his body. The proprioception and delicate balancing required to complete the movement.

He finds himself up against a familiar face.

Big buggy gray eyes, even more bulging than usual in a pixie face. Pointy nose jutting out far enough to nearly touch his own. Lips with a touch of artificial color parted to show large (but human) teeth. He can feel her breathe, feathers of air on his bloodstained mouth.

“Harper?” Jack asks, for lack of a better thing to say.

“Oh, crap.” Her face contorts into an anxious pout, and in a moment she’s stepping back, reaching into the pocket of her hot pink blazer.

Throwing a hexbag on the ground.

i was thinking about how being a necromancer is like. surely that is a type of witch. if harper is going to have tricks up her sleeve they'll be magic

A puff of purple smoke erupts from the bag and envelops her, filling his vision. He can still hear her feet slapping against the tile as she runs. All he can think is hey, you forgot your knife, but she’s gone.

As the smoke clears, Jack licks his lips. They’re salty. Tacky. He scrubs his mouth against his sleeve, trying to get the blood off. Most of it is on his back, and Jack is suddenly glad that he took his jacket off when he got into the store. He’s pretty sure all the blood ended up on the back of his shirt. There’s probably a little on his butt, but the jacket is long enough to cover that. Probably. 

i also enjoyed the sort of menstrual imagery here. jack is coming of age in blood, and there's bloody evidence of it. harper stabbing him woke something up in him.

He’s gonna have to turn all his clothes over to Dean when he gets home. Dean has a special method for getting bloodstains out of laundry, something with salt, and maybe dilute bleach. Jack likes these jeans. He hopes he won’t have to throw them away.

He grabs the bread, and marches to the next aisle.

-

When Jack comes in with the bags, Sam’s in the map room. He helps Jack unload. Ribs and tomatoes into the fridge, ice cream bars in the freezer, bulk peppercorns into the cabinet, bread on the counter. Sam gives a worried grimace when he sees the Brownberry.

sam knows there is hell to pay when small things go wrong

“Sorry,” Jack says. “They didn’t have any butter bread.”

“Yeah, yeah, of course,” Sam says, “I’m sure it’ll be fine.” Sam smiles at him for a moment. “Why don’t you toss me the car keys, and I can head out and get some at the gas station before everyone gets home.”

sam doesn't want jack's mistake to get him punished or start a big fight, so he's quietly sweeping up. perhaps more than he needs to. sam's obsequiousness and nervousness around dean adds to dean's presence as a larger than life fear figure for jack, ya know

Jack tosses him the keys. Sam wrinkles his nose.

“Man, it smells like blood in here for some reason.” Sam glances around. Jack suddenly remembers the gore under his jacket, but somehow, he can’t quite bring himself to let anyone know about seeing Harper. 

“Somebody must have forgotten to clean their machete or something,” Jack says, and Sam nods.

the casual omnipresence of violence <3 <3 <3.

A few minutes later, after he’s heard the car engine start, Jack hides the knife and his bloody jeans under his bed, and tosses the torn shirt in the trash.

continuing the menstrual image. jack is hiding it. he doesn't want his parental figures to know he's changing, that he is beginning to really... exist outside their control, i guess.

-

When Jack sees Harper again, they’re all on a ghost hunt outside Peoria. Sam and Dean are looking into the burial location of a woman who died mysteriously in 1875. Cas is waiting at the cemetery.

peoria is a great super depressing midwest name for a town. just fabulous.

The last time Jack had put on his FBI threads and tagged along as a “junior agent,” Dean had had to shut him up twice with a vicious pinch to the upper arm. He is on a burger run. 

once again jack's small freedoms are taken only when assigned menial tasks. like this is his time to be away from them. but also he is assigned these tasks because he's the lowest status member of the group, you know? they don't trust him with more serious stuff. so it's bittersweet.

He’d spotted a nice space between two bushes as they drove past this Wendy’s, and that’s where he lands, comfortably out of sight of any human. He rehearses in his head. This time he won’t forget that Dean likes the double, not the triple. And he will get a seltzer for Cas, even though he didn’t ask, because Cas likes the bubbles. He marches towards the doors, intentionally ignoring the parking lot’s car exhaust-and-piss smell, and the Frogger-feeling of being in a space where pedestrians are technically allowed but generally unwanted. The noise of the adjacent highway rumbles in his ears. Loud enough that he doesn’t hear footsteps, and when he smells something sweet, at first he’s relieved. Then nothingness.

i dithered so much over whether jack knows what frogger is. but it's such an evocative reference to give that particular feeling of walking somewhere which is built for cars. anyway. chloroform smells sweet, apparently, and i thought since harper knows jack can't really be harmed, she would go for the classics. she's very fictionpilled.

Jack wakes to an itch. It’s not exactly on his skin. More… under it. Like his subcutaneous fat is somehow inflamed. Or his muscles, maybe. Something deeper.

His hands are cuffed. That snaps his eyes open, and he sees the source of the itch. A brilliant sun of orange-red lines stretching out from the chair that he’s bound to to the edge of a twenty foot diameter circle on a concrete floor. A binding sigil. One he doesn’t recognize.

And at the edge of the circle, there she is. 

once again, harper's magic expertise.

The light where they are - Jack glances around at the gray concrete and piled boxes and guesses “warehouse” - is dim enough that he can’t really see her face, at least at this distance. But he can see her shape, petite, hands clasped, wispy curled hair floating to her shoulders, and he can make assumptions.

“Sorry,” she calls, and yeah, it’s definitely Harper. The word comes out sawry, very Nebraskan. “I don’t really know what you are, so I figured better safe.” She sucks air in through her teeth, and Jack can just make out the shape of an embarrassed grimace.

harper doesn't really know much about the supernatural beyond magic. i always find it dumb when characters on spn refer to "a hunter" as if that's a single, coherent type of guy, so i've decided that when harper referred to jack as a hunter, she thought he was some sort of witch hunter, which is a problem it makes sense for her family to have dealt with in the past.

“I-” Jack starts, but his voice gives out before he can continue, his throat dry as gravel. He tries to fill his mouth with spit, tries to swallow, but no dice. He sends a tendril of power into the sigil, and it flashes blood red. He could probably break out, but not without vaporizing several city blocks.

and he kind of, sort of chooses to stay here. because he's maybe a little bit intrigued.

“Oh, sweetie,” Harper says, and she hurries towards him with stiff shoulders and bouncing little steps, delicately avoiding the lines of the sigil. 

harper is not really totally prepared for this.

Now he can see her face. She bends at the waist, head swinging down like it’s on a hinge so the tips of their noses are on a level. And she cups his face with her hand. 

It’s warm. Her fingers are slim, spidering out across his cheek. Her pointer is nearly at the edge of his eye, and the tip of her pinky is tucked under his jaw. Her skin is soft against his.

face touch <3

She presses plastic - a water bottle - to his lips.

It’s just water, he can tell that much. It tastes like plain tap water, cold and quenching, and he gulps it down. The plastic crinkles as she squeezes it. She strokes her thumb over his cheekbone. Maybe the water’s cursed? Hopefully not, because he’s so thirsty. She tips the bottle, and it floods his mouth. He almost gags, but manages to breathe through his nose and slow his swallows.

horny,

“Are you okay?” Her face is close again. She took the empty bottle away, he heard the crinkling plastic, and now he’s seeing her eyes. They’re very big. Her hand is warm on his cheek. Jack tilts his head to feel the blood move around inside. 

“Where am I?” His throat is thick with disuse. It’s as good a starter as any. Probably the most useful information he can find out, right now. Her eyes are very big. 

distracted <3

“Oh, this is a shipping warehouse for a pastry company. I thought it would smell nicer.” She pouts a little. 

harper is just not prepared for this at all. jack could definitely do a better job kidnapping someone due to his hunting experience.

“Yes,” Jack says, he can feel her hand, it’s slipped lower and his voice vibrates against it, “warehouses all just kind of smell the same.” His breathing hitches a little. “Or bad.” One time, Dean had him and Cas stake out outside a meat packing plant. He grimaces at the memory.

see what i mean? warehouses are practically jack's stomping ground because literally most of his life experience is hunting related.

“Ugh, unfortunate,” Harper says, and rolls her eyes, flicking them up dramatically, and Jack strains his own trying to follow them, she’s so close, “I guess you can’t win ‘em all. So, did you ever get my letter?”

“What?” Her lips are slightly glossy. He can feel the movement of his own breath.

“My letter. I sent it to Lebanon.” She stands to put her hands on her hips, and Jack feels the loss of warmth against his cheek.

“No, I mean- no. Sorry,” he says. Grasps for what she might want. “That’s sweet though. That you sent it.”

the placaterrrrrrr

He’s right. She lights up.

“Thanks! I think letter writing is underappreciated these days, especially for love notes. I’m glad you’re someone who understands that.”

“Yeah,” Jack says, “Dean says old formats are always better. Like tapes, or vinyl. I think that includes letters.”

🥴 well

Harper nods.

“I like a lot of old fashioned things. Like dating! Nobody our age ever wants to go on a date anymore. They all just wanna use ‘apps’” - she makes the quote marks with her fingers - “to ‘hang out.’ It’s terrible. Do you like dating, Jack?”

“I’ve-” never gone on a date, he starts to say, but changes course when he remembers where he is, “I- yes! I like… going on dates.”

the placaterrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. and he's not even necessarily doing it right.

A shadow passes across her face, just for a moment, but then she’s overjoyed, clapping her hands together.

harper jealousy moment <3

The date looks like a card table that Harper hauls out of somewhere in the warehouse and struggles to unfold, and a styrofoam box of mostly cold shrimp scampi. By the time everything is set up, with a folding chair for her and a candle in the middle of the table, she’s red faced and puffing. 

There are plates for the scampi, baby blue with a flower motif, and the pasta slops out of wet styrofoam haphazardly. It’s still warm enough not to be a gelatinous glob, but the fettuccine is tangled. Harper pulls out a cigarette lighter and burns her thumb lighting the candle. She sticks it in her mouth. Jack can see her tongue working, lapping at her injured cuticle. When the digit emerges it’s slick and wet. He can feel the air through his own slightly parted lips.

horny,,

Finally, Harper leans down and looks him in the eye.

“Be a good boy, okay?” she says. Her mouth is still a little shiny with spit. Jack nods. 

like the thing is jack doesn't really even... perceive the problem with what harper has done to him. like most of his interactions with the outside world have involved a lot of torture, murder, and imprisonment, because it's all involved hunting. and he is, well, enjoying the fact that a cute, age appropriate girl is paying attention to him and touching his face and pouring water down his throat.

She closes her eyes and touches the cuffs. They unlock. She flashes him an awkward grin as she slips into her chair. The silence lingers for a little too long before she says “come on, try the pasta.”

Jack stretches his hands. He feels Grace begin to flow, warming them and smoothing out the ache of being held in one position for so long. Three of his knuckles crack of their own accord.

He picks up the fork and does as he’s told.

“I like it,” he says. The pasta glops in his mouth. It’s a little hard to swallow.

one of my themes here is that jack doesn't necessarily know what he likes. almost every time he says "i like [thing]" in this fic he's doing it to please someone else. he's kind of learning his own preferences over the course of the fic, but he hasn't had an opportunity to before. he's been too busy, well, placating. i mean his preferences have to be negotiated! going back to the first scene, even buying the brand of bread he likes can be a transgression.

“And I like you,” Harper says, beaming.

-

Later, when he reappears in the motel room, sans burgers, he finds Sam pacing, and Dean nursing a sullen beer on his and Cas’ bed.

“Where were you?” Sam says, as Jack eyes Dean. “Cas is out looking for you.”

“I was…” he trails off, and then decides on the truth, or most of it. “I was with a girl.”

jack still wants to keep harper to himself.

“A girl?” Dean says, and he doesn’t sound angry, he sounds… surprised.

gay dean winchester voice i thought you were a little homo like your dad, gay castiel.

“Like, a date.” Jack says. And Dean… laughs?

“Hey, that’s my boy,” Dean says, and he stands just to clap Jack on the shoulder. “Just come see me before the third date, alright?” Sam steps back, still looking concerned, but Dean is glowing. He ruffles Jack’s hair, and Jack feels himself smile. Dean is pleased. It feels… warm. Exciting.

gay dean winchester giving jack a good grade in being straight <3 and the thing is. jack does crave dean's approval. is the thing. like it's thrilling. dean is so mercurial that when the sun shines, it shines. jack isn't interested in approval from sam, or even really cas, because he's fairly confident in that. he craves approval from dean. this is like. unfortunately, one of the more genuine pleasures that jack actually likes.

-

On the drive home, Cas holds his hand the whole time.

one of my theses for the fic is that cas' main way of conveying affection to jack is touch, not speech. he's not exactly an accomplished communicator and cas, classically, is Not Thinking about stuff mostly. also, cas is worried here that he's losing his baby....... anxious angel.......

-

Dean is always first to jump in the shower when they all get home. He says that he’s too spoiled for motel room showers, these days, what with the bunker’s water pressure. He’s already sitting at the map table, wet hair combed back, by the time Jack has plugged his phone in and wandered back out to the kitchen for a snack.

neuroticism boy <3

“Hey, Jack,” he says. Jack stops, cereal box in hand. “Good job with the ghost back there. Even if you were gone for a couple hours in the middle.”

“Thanks, Dean,” Jack says, uncertain.

“Now that you’re getting a taste for the outside world,” Dean raises his eyebrows meaningfully, “it’s time we started taking you on some real hunts again. Let you get your hands dirty. This is a family business, after all.”

it sure fucking is.

“Yes. Yes, I’d like that.”

jack saying he likes stuff again <3

“Good kid.”

approval seeking missile.

-

A few days later, Jack finds himself dialing the number Harper put in his phone.

“So there’s this coffee shop in Lebanon…”

-

“...And then she wakes up to this mysterious monster stroking her face, because he was watching her sleep. Obviously.” Harper’s eyes are closed. She slowly twirls the stir stick in her caramel mocha.

“And she’s okay with that? When he just kidnapped her?” Jack leans forward. That’s what humans do, to show interest.

“Of course!” Harper says. “It’s romantic.”

“Makes sense,” Jack says, nodding. Romantic . Intriguing. He makes a mental note.

She regales him with the rest of the plot of Phantom of the Opera, and that’s easy. That, he’s ready for. But on the internet, it said you were supposed to talk about your interests on dates. So he had tried to prepare. He likes Star Wars . He likes Riverdale , although he’s only seen the first two seasons. He likes… phone games? He’s beaten all of Bouncy Hills , is that an interest? He likes… hunting?

i needed a romance where the love interest watches the mc sleep, and by happenstance i had literally just seen a performance of phantom while i was writing. it was originally a non-existent book, but i was so careful to be specific and real with all the other brands and pop-culture references and stuff, so i was happy phantom dropped into my lap at the last minute. oh and i chose not to use twilight bc that's too generic. anyway. we also have jack here really not knowing what he likes and wants. he doesn't really have interests outside of the family business, you know? he's an extension of his parents, he's not his own person. but he wants to be.

“So, what do you do all day,” Harper asks, and Jack says:

“Well, Sam and Dean have been teaching me to shoot.”

“They are? How come?” Harper’s eyes grow impossibly wider. They’re like wet marbles. Jack breathes in through his nose, and he can smell her strawberry lipgloss.

“Well, Sam says in case I lose my powers, I should know how to hunt the old fashioned way. And Dean says,” he pauses to pull his tongue back and take a breath so he can get the impression right, “‘ there are certain things a young man needs to know .’ So I’ve been learning.”

god dean is so funny

She giggles.

“So you’re like my very own Robinhood? Could you shoot an apple off my head?”

“No.” Jack shakes his head. His stomach twists as the image of Harper’s head bursting like a watermelon occurs to him. But everything is fine. He’s seen headshots before. Everything is fine. “I’m not very good,” he says, feeling vaguely apologetic. Harper frowns. 

i love how harper is ALSO incapable of seeing red flags. what if you were BOTH raised in different serial killer cults and only knew how to live your lives from books and movies.

“Aww,” she says. “Can I at least see your gun sometime?” Her hand brushes against him. Lands on his thigh. Jack feels a little hitch in his chest.

“Yeah, sure,” he says, after a long beat. He’s been using Sam’s for practice. But he can probably borrow one from Dean’s collection. “And besides,” he adds, “Dean says only chumps shoot for the head. A decent gunman will aim for the heart, every time.”

symbolism, whatever. also, when he borrows dean's gun to look cool <3

-

Dean and Sam are always talking about how much they love IHOP pancakes, but Jack likes Dean’s pancakes the best. Dean always makes them with chocolate chips, and cooks frozen strawberries into a syrup. Jack likes the butter they have at home better, too, the unsalted kind. The salted kind stresses him out, it’s too much.

jack once again sharing my food tastes, fuck salted butter. anyway. when it's domestic (evil).

Jack has a bite halfway to his mouth, slathered in strawberry syrup with a fresh (though still slightly green) banana, when Dean turns to him from the head of the table.

the banana will return.

“So, Jack,” Dean says, and Jack freezes, fork in the air. 

He meets Dean’s eyes and waits. Sam and Cas are still, as well.

“You went out. On your own.”

Jack swallows.

“Yeah, um. I’m… seeing someone.”

“Seeing someone? Like, a girl?”

“Yes.” Syrup drips onto Jack’s plate.

“Is it serious?”

“I… I don’t know,” Jack finds himself saying. He and Harper have been on two dates. What does that mean? “I like her.”

now this is more questionable. does he like her? he's certainly attracted to her. but is he dating her because he likes her or because he's a placation machine. like honestly this fic is kind of about the interplay of genuine pleasure and placation/approval seeking.

Dean mhm s.

menacing...

-

Jack needs to figure out where else he can take Harper on a date. But the problem is he’s… never really been anywhere? Motels all over the country, sure, and police stations, but for a date? He’s been to the Walmart, and to the Starbucks just outside Lebanon. He’s been to the closest bar to pick up Dean, once? He’s been in the Impala. But he’s never really been out in the world. Not the way normal people are, every day. He doesn’t even live in a house. Hasn’t ever really been in one for longer than a few minutes. The fluorescent light above his head flickers.

please hold my hand and imagine with me jack picking up dean from a bar. bad <3

-

Jack is watching Clone Wars in the Dean Cave when Cas comes in and sits next to him on the couch. Jack takes his headphones off. The leather creaks. Cas is a solid, warm presence, and Jack leans into him. 

headphones will return.

“What are you watching?” Cas asks.

“ The Rise of Clovis . I’m rewatching season six.” Jack shuts the laptop entirely.

had to interview my clonewarspilled friend @butchcastiel for this line. this is an episode where anakin beats a guy padme is fake-dating to a bloody pulp...

“Oh. I liked that one.” Cas strokes a hand through Jack’s hair. “I was thinking, Jack,” he says.

...which is why cas likes it <3

“About what?”

“I thought we could go on a little vacation together. A fishing trip. Dean says that that’s something fathers and sons do, away from the rest of the family.” Cas squeezes his arm.

yet the right hand knows not what the left hand is doing. an escape attempt, even if cas isn't thinking of it that way.

“Yeah, of course,” Jack says. He would like to spend time with Cas. Away from. From everything.

jack is though. maybe. in the back of his mind.

-

Sam and Dean are talking in the map room. Jack can’t hear what about, but he hears the table rattle. Someone had slammed their fist on it. He puts his headphones on. She can kill with a smile, she can wound with her eyes…

i thought this was a funny song choice.

-

There’s a soft knock on Jack’s doorframe. The door is open, but Sam is always careful to announce himself.

Jack looks up from his phone. He’d been playing Royal Match, nothing too interesting.

once again trying to stick to brands.

“Hey, Jack,” Sam says, a little apologetic. Sam is nearly always apologetic.

“Hi, Sam.” Jack waits. Sam will spit it out, eventually.

“I just wanted to,” Sam ducks his head a little as he enters the room, as always, even though he isn’t actually quite tall enough for his head to hit the doorframe, “you know, talk.”

“I like talking to you,” Jack says. 

this. is also maybe not true <3

“Yeah.” Sam’s mouth twitches. “I thought since, you know, you’re dating and all that, we could have a kind of, you know, chat. About dating.” It only takes Sam three steps to reach the bed, and he sits next to Jack. Jack locks his phone.

The silence is a little uncomfortable. Sam is making a face. There is some kind of importance that Sam and Dean are putting on all this that Jack does not really understand, but he wishes they would get over it. He doesn’t want to say that, though.

“It- it can be nice. You know,” Sam starts, “meeting new people. Getting, um, involved. You know, butterflies, and all that.”

“Butterflies?”

“Figure of speech.” Sam huffs a laugh. “I mean getting, you know, infatuated. When you really like someone and they make you nervous and excited at the same time.”

That seems right. Jack scoots a bit to turn more towards Sam.

jack is maybe not interpreting "nervous" in the way sam means it. in fact sam may actually be reinforcing some bad stuff for jack like "it's normal to be afraid of people you are close to" <3

“And I just wanted to say… that’s okay. If you want to, you know, put yourself out there. Experience new things. Get away from the family for a bit.” Sam smiles, but it’s more like a kind of grimace. “I just wanted to say that you should… be careful. Sometimes a girl can, um, she can change you. Not always in ways that you like. So uh, keep an eye on that.”

ruby mentionnnnnn. anyway if i was ready to add maybe 5k more words to this fic it would have had a whole samwena subplot where sam neurotically freaks out about his own fetish for evil women. also hilariously. jack is in fact kind of replicating one of sam's patterns in this fic. but maybe not exactly this one <

Jack is a bit lost, but Sam is still grimacing at him, so he nods.

“I will. Don’t worry.” 

Sam looks relieved.

“Great. You’re a great kid, Jack.”

-

Harper has started texting Jack “good morning” every morning. With a little heart. 

Usually, they come in around eight. He anticipates them each day. They make his heart pick up speed. Jack doesn’t sleep much, now that his Grace is back, so responding ends up marking time for him in a way the lightless bunker can’t. It’s nice, a little deadline. He has to respond, or she’ll get mad. Like clockwork.

jack loves to be afraid in his relationships it's so familiar.

Morning, he sends. For an emoji, this morning, he picks the heart eyes face.

-

Dean is in the kitchen. Outside in the hallway, Jack can hear him. He’s putting the dishes away, judging from the clatter. Probably in a good mood, then. Jack can come in.

All of the stock pots are on the kitchen counters. Dean is stacking them by size to fit them in the upper cabinet where they go. 

“Dean?” Jack says.

“Yeah?” Dean answers, still fiddling with the pots. It’s almost more of a yup, actually. Like yeeauhp.

i put so much effort into the deanisms in this fic.

“You said to come talk to you. Before the third date.” Jack waits. Dean puts his pots down. Turns around. 

god dean is so sitcompilled

He takes a breath, holds it for a moment, and lets it out in a sigh, eyes closed. Jack steps back, ready to leave Dean alone, but when Dean opens his eyes again, he frowns at Jack’s movement.

“C’mere, kid.” Jack steps forward again, close enough that Dean puts a hand on his arm, draws him in until they’re side by side leaning against the counter. “Do you know what a condom is?”

Jack has never heard the word. He feels the slight pinch of a definition slotting into place in his mind, a latex sheath worn on the penis during sex to prevent pregnancy and disease. The image presented is of a little blue ring in a square packet.

He nods.

“Okay, great,” Dean says. “I’m gonna go get one in a minute. Show you how to put it on. But I want to impress upon you that latex is your best friend.”

Jack nods again.

“The first rule,” Dean points a finger at him, “is that if a chick says she’s on birth control, no she isn’t. That’s your responsibility. You don’t want twenty years of child support, and we don’t want some kind of double nephilim running around. Plus, I’m pretty sure you’re too magic for the clap, but let’s not risk it.” Jack is staring at the refrigerator, listening to Dean’s words. He’s not sure what the clap is. “You still with me, kid?”

DEAN MISOGYNY MOMENTTTTTTTTTT also dean being like you shouldn't breed because you're genetically evil moment

“Yes,” Jack nods aggressively. He turns to look Dean in the eye.

“Good.” Dean pats his arm. “The second rule is, make sure everyone’s having fun, capisce? If you want her to come back, it’s not just do what feels right or whatever hippie crap they probably teach in schools these days. Girls are like cars, it’s mechanical. You have to understand how things work and put some elbow grease in, understand me?”

gay dean winchester: you think sex with women is supposed to make you feel good? bake you an apple pie, maybe? it's supposed to make you miserable that's why it's sex with women. i wanted dean to have some deranged misogynistic things to say, but i didn't want it to come off as rapey because that just like... isn't his derangement. that's how i came up with the "hippie crap" line. i wanted it to come off more "insanely regimented and rules-oriented" than "sleazy." also, carfucker <3

“I understand.” Jack blinks once.

“Okay, follow me.” Dean grabs a banana for some reason, then beckons as he marches out of the kitchen.

RETURN OF THE BANANA

Dean explains his system as they walk. “First of all, don’t go straight for the cooch. That, heh, makes you an asshole. Show her a good time, first. It’s called foreplay, and it’s important. You know, kiss her, touch her, all that stuff.” He gesticulates with the banana. “Depends on the girl, but some common places they like to be kissed, touched, licked, lightly pinched, or tickled are on the neck, collarbone, tops of the shoulders, just behind the ears, breasts (especially the nipples), sides, hips, bellybutton, small of the back, underside of the stomach, and inner thighs. Be gentle, no girl likes to feel pawed at unless she has some kinda serious daddy issues.” Dean glances at Jack. Jack follows him into his and Cas’ room.

i just love it when dean says heh. he's such a heh guy. also. no girl likes to feel pawed at unless she's got some serious daddy issues, likely thing for dean winchester to say <3. also, well. stay tuned for more info about jack's bedroom preferences.

“Once you’re cleared for landing, though, there’s a method. You don’t just stick it in.” Dean sits on his bed with a grunt, and starts rummaging in the bottom drawer of his end table. “Damn,” he says, as an aside, “I thought I was up shit creek.” He withdraws a cardboard box like a box of bandaids from the drawer and puts it on the bed, next to the banana. 

“Okay. Well, you're gonna want to touch her, first. You can look up diagrams on the internet for help with what it's gonna look like, but find the clitoris. Get your fingers a little wet first. If she's wet, use that. Otherwise you can lick your fingers or use a condom-safe lube. Then stroke it, and press gently. You can stick your fingers in, too, but only if she's wet. If she doesn't get into it, then you can suck her clit, that never fails. If she's really into it, you can stick your tongue in, but don't start there, work up to it.” Dean looks at Jack for confirmation. Jack mhms . “You know, I tried to teach your dad all this stuff. Never got the sense he listened too closely. I suppose we know why, now.” Dean grins, looking off into the distance. There's a pause, and then he clears his throat. 

gay dean winchester: i tried to teach your dad, my partner who i am sleeping with homosexually, how to have sex with women. but obviously we know he's gay now, because he's having sex with me. so it makes sense that he didn't listen to my unhinged "advice."

“Alrighty. During all this, you should try to stay, uh, ready, as they say, or she might get offended. That shouldn't be too hard at your age, but if it becomes a problem, you can utilize the three d’s - distract, distract, and distract. No girl is thinking about your dick while she's getting her pussy licked. And it's great cover if you need to jerk off a little or think about something else to get back at attention, if you know what I mean.” Jack doesn't, but agrees anyways. 

gay dean winchester, after having just discussed how his same sex partner is gay, in their shared bedroom: obviously you won't always be able to get it up or keep it up, that's completely normal and you shouldn't be discouraged.

“So! This,” Dean reaches into the box and pulls out a packet, “is a condom.” He bares his teeth and tucks the foil between them, ripping it open. Sam is always telling Jack not to open things that way. The latex inside is red, and not blue. The banana has reappeared in Dean’s hand. It's bright yellow. perfectly ripe with one brown spot. Dean’s fingers sink in a little. “When you put it on, you pinch the tip,” he demonstrates, “and roll it down.” The latex makes the banana odd textured and shiny. Jack is aware that some condoms are lubricated , which is probably why this one is so slippery looking. “These ones,” Dean shakes the box, “are expired.” he pulls a face that Jack can’t really parse. “If you’d come to me a few years ago, you’d never have found me disappointing Tom Lehrer like that, but I guess I’m getting old. And it’s not so relevant, these days. But I can’t have you packing expired rubber, so tomorrow, you and I are gonna go to the drug store and we’re gonna pick up a box, how’s that sound?”

i spent so much time trying to figure out whether it was reasonable for dean to know who tom lehrer is..... ended up asking my dad......

“Sounds good,” Jack says. 

“Good kid,” Dean says, and claps Jack on the shoulder. “My dad always said if you're not mature enough to look the cashier in the eye while you buy condoms, you're not mature enough to be using ‘em. Now, I’ve got one last thing for you. This,” Dean reaches across the bed again, twisting his body to get into the drawers, “is a key to your room.” He produces a big brass skeleton key, easily the length of one of his fingers. “Remember to lock up before you get up to anything, eh?”

hits you with the "my dad always said" beam. also big boys who fuck have finally earned the right to privacy for the first time ever.

Jack nods. Before he gets up to sex. Is what Dean means. Because that’s private.

“So, what do you say about coming back to the kitchen and helping me make dinner, before you get too grown up to lick the spoons?”

-

Sam is the only person home when Jack finally invites Harper over, and he’s promised to make himself scarce “unless you need anything.” Dean and Cas are out on a hunt together, for, according to Dean, “a little alone time.” But Dean has given his blessing for the date. He showed Jack where to find microwave popcorn, and how to melt chocolate to drizzle on top. He bought a box of pop just for the occasion, told Jack which beer he was allowed to steal, and even taught Jack how to mix a cocktail called an old fashioned. Apparently “ chicks hate straight whiskey .” 

kansas is in the pop belt. so i feel justified in saying pop here. also dean is so happy that jack is getting a good grade in being straight and even happier that dean gets to micromanage it every step of the way <3 <3 <3

Harper knocks softly, but the acoustics of the main hall of the bunker are such that it echoes around the place. A kind of whispery thrum, by the time the sound is done bouncing.

When Jack opens up, she's wearing a red jacket. It’s so bright. He’s never seen anyone other than Rowena wear something so colorful. There’s a thread loose near the collar in a way Rowena would never tolerate, though.

man jack doesn't know any women and also everyone on supernatural dresses the same. lord. anyway the loose thread is because she's laundering shit instead of dry cleaning it because she's living in her carrrrrr

“Hi.” He waves at her.

“Hi.” She waves back.

Their footsteps echo as they skitter down the stairs, Jack first, then Harper.

“It’s so… spacious,” Harper says, her cheeks stretching out in a smile that Jack is pretty sure you could qualify as nervous.

“Yeah, you know, it’s Men of Letters.” He’s halfway through his answer when he remembers to look at her when he talks.

“What’s that?” She cocks her head. The greenish lighting of the bunker washes her out. It even sucks the color from her clothes.

“You know, I’m not sure. Sam and Dean are apparently legacies, whatever that means. And some of them are British? I think Ketch was one.” The wood of the main room gives way to the concrete of the hallway under his feet as he leads her to the Dean Cave. 

“Ketch?” 

“Yeah, he’s… he’s a guy we know, I guess.”

hey did you guys remember that jack apparently video calls with ketch. i do.

Once they’re in the La-Z-Boys, she puts on a show called Pushing Daisies , which Jack likes. The bright colors and narrator make it easy to follow. He likes the world the main characters live in. It seems nice.

like the thing about 14x06 optimism is that it's basically a whole episode reference to pushing daisies. which i find charming. even if i don't actually like pushing daisies that much.

“Isn’t it so cute?” she stage-whispers, as Ned and Chuck play outside in the garden.

“Yeah,” Jack says. He’s not sure what’s supposed to be cute about accidentally killing your mother, but he makes a note of it.

jack voice that's the thing i'm sensitive about..... also this is a special treat that will help us later.

“Hey, um,” Harper says, “I’m sorry I stabbed you,” while the funeral director dies on the toilet.

“Oh, um. Okay,” Jack says.

“You don’t think it means I don’t love you, do you?” she sucks air in through her teeth. “Vance thought it meant I didn’t love him.”

“No, no,” Jack says, “getting stabbed hurts a lot less than getting shot, and people who love me have shot me before.”

Harper nods, contemplative, as Ned and Chuck stare at each other in horror.

i liked how this made it feel like the tv characters were reacting to the insane things that are being said. also, harper's reaction to the thing jack just said:

Jack’s hand is resting on the arm of his chair, she brushes her fingertips against his. It takes him a moment to discern what she wants, but then their hands hang between the chairs, joined, as Ned and Chuck kiss through their plastic wrap.

the placaterrrrr

-

“She sounds very sweet,” Cas says. “Your father did that when we first met as well. Stabbed me, I mean.” His face has gone dreamy.

well. as i said. this fic is situated in the cultural history of deancas horny stabbing... anyway. when cas' baby boy grows up to share his tastes <3

Jack nods. Dean. He means Dean.

-

Jack knows how to use Google. “What do boys and girls do on dates” is an easy enough query. And he has more questions. 

“Why do boys and girls like each other.” 

“What do girls like.”

“What do boys like.”

“What do people in relationships do.”

“How to date.”

“What do roses mean.”

“Why are diamonds a girl’s best friend.”

“What’s marriage.”

“Why do people like sex.”

“How to have sex.”

-

They’re watching Lost Boys again, but Jack has figured out how to get away with looking at his phone. Harper has been texting him a lot lately.

part of this is like. well the lost boys thing is one more way in which jack is not master of his own destiny. he doesn't even get to pick the movies he watches, it's one more way in which he's not allowed to develop outside the family and it makes sense that it would annoy him. but also maybe the issue here is that he is perhaps, scared of failing to answer harper.

Bzzt. So you guys kill more than just witches?

Yeah, Jack types, we kill all sorts of things.

Bzzt. That’s so scary. My mom only ever told me about witch hunters. That's all I ever really needed to know back home.

There are a lot of monsters out there. Sam and Dean have killed a lot of different types.

Bzzt. Can I see one?  

Jack blinks. The impulse to tell her that she has strikes him, but that would be weird. It would be a weird thing to say. She doesn’t know he’s a monster. Probably.

just a little reminder that jack is a person who was born into the leopards eating people's faces party, and that he's trying to recruit harper into it as well.

Sure. I’ll get them to take us along on a hunt sometime.

-

Sam catches him after breakfast. Hovering at his shoulder as he loads the dishwasher.

“I was wondering if you would be up for some shooting practice,” Sam says.

Jack can’t stop himself from rolling his eyes a little, but he nods.

sam is kind of jack's least favorite parent. he's close to cas, and is scared of/respects/seeks approval from dean, so sam is the odd man out, even though sam clearly does a lot of the material parenting work (teaching him things, helping him get out of trouble with dean, etc.)

He generally uses Sam’s gun at the range. It’s more comfortable in his hand than any of their spares, and Sam’s promised to get him a similar model once he’s ready to start out on hunts.

Jack hates the range. The noise-canceling earmuffs he has to wear give him a headache, and the kickback of the pistol jars the bones in his wrists. His aim sucks, and when he corrects it with his Grace, Sam makes him start over. “That's not the point.” Jack doesn't really understand what the point is.

jack putting on headphones to muffle noise is an image i stuck to in this fic. it was fun to play around with it.

Today they're doing 25 yards, at least, which is a lot easier. Jack starts out too low, but manages to walk his shots up until he's hitting nines, mostly. He still flinches at the shots, even with the earmuffs, but he's managing to keep it more subtle. Sam probably won't even notice. Hopefully.

yesssss flinchboy

One last crack, and that's actually a dead center hit. 

Something touches his back, and he jumps. Whirls. The gun is still in his hand, safety off.

jack gets to point a gun at dean for a change >:3

“Whoa there, sharpshooter, a little tense?” Dean says. Jack sees the words more than hears them. Lowers the gun. Tugs off his earmuffs. 

and dean just like. has no idea there's any tension in the household.

Dean’s hand. Dean’s hand patting him on the back. His heart is still racing a little, and he feels the corner of his mouth lift, against his will. Dean had been watching the whole time. Dean saw him hit the bullseye.

i tried to use the descriptor of jack's heart beating faster specifically when it's ambiguous whether he's excited or scared. anyway, approval seeking missile. jack doesn't even want to be that? like it's been clear so far that he is like. knowingly nervous of dean and unhappy living under him. but he also cannot help craving the approval.

His phone vibrates in his pocket. Harper’s good morning text.

another thing that it's ambiguous if jack is excited or scared about.

-

There aren’t any Aquariums in Lebanon, or in Smith Center. There aren’t really museums, exactly, either, at least not ones that aren’t basically run out of someone’s house. There aren’t roller rinks or even big malls. So Jack does his best to do as the internet says, and invites Harper to see a landmark instead: the Geographic Center of the Contiguous United States.

Well, he invites her, but she’s the one who picks him up in her yellow punchbuggy. It’s only about a half hour from the bunker, but she grips the steering wheel a bit alarmingly on the highway and grimaces.

everyone on this stupid show has a stupid ass fancy car. i thought a punchbuggy would be the logical choice for harper.

“I’m not, you know, really all that used to driving.” She gives a nervous giggle as the car she cut off the get to the exit lane beeps at her. “In McCook… I just- there were barely stoplights. We had a couple old guys there who went around on golf carts. Like in the road. I mostly just walked.”

Jack nods. He knows the feeling. He mostly just flies.

“I don’t drive either,” he tries, “I don’t get out much.”

“I like that in a man,” she grins, and turns her head, eyes firmly off the road. “It means you can’t cheat on me with some hussy. I don’t know what I’d do.” Her tone is trying for joke, but it isn’t quite working. She winks, but is also giving him somewhat of an intense stare.

He feels his cheeks heat, and his heart pick up.

ambiguous whether he's nervous or excited <3

The car hits the rumble strip, and Harper squeaks and turns back to the road.

The inside of the bug stinks of a rather pungent air freshener, and underneath that, something vaguely greasy. He wants to wrinkle his nose, but that might be bad. There’s a single fry in the cupholder. The back is crammed with junk: some cardboard boxes, a white trashbag full of clothes, and what looks like camping stuff. There’s a space cleared behind Harper’s seat, but it isn’t too big. Looks like just enough to put her seat back.

YEEEEEEAHHHHHH LIVIN IN HER CAR NOT COPING WITH REAL LIFE.

The Geographic Center of the Contiguous United States is mostly just a lump of rock. There’s a flag on top, obviously, but there isn’t much more to do once they’ve both climbed up and climbed down again. (The rock, not the flagpole, although Jack had considered trying to go up that, too. Just for a moment. Before he felt how slippery it was.)

“You know, it isn’t actually the geographic center,” Jack says. He’s supposed to make conversation.

“Really?” Harper says. The pitch is going up. She’s interested. He’s done well. “Then why…” she waves her hand at the flag.

“Apparently, the real center is on a farm up that way somewhere. Somebody owns it.” He points vaguely north. He’s quickly running low on Wikipedia facts he memorized for the date.

There’s a little hole in her red jacket. He taps her on the shoulder and puts a finger to it, but she flinches away. Now that he’s looking, the whole thing is looking a bit tattered. She grimaces.

the jacket deteriorates more.

“Sorry. It’s kind of hard to do dry-cleaning when you’re living in your car.” She looks away. “Everything is so hard out here. In McCook I knew where everything was and how everything worked. And everyone knew each other! And liked each other! And out here everything is gray and- and it's nothing but chain stores and corn fields and I don't know how any of it works! I got a parking ticket the other day, Jack! I don't even have a checkbook, how am I supposed to pay it? The outside world is so- so unromantic!”

definitely thinking of hero's journey here. except she got plucked out of yockeynatural which is even more fantastical and much more idyllic. anyway. as i said earlier i was also totally thinking of trapdoor. also, harper voice "romantic" <3

A single tear slips down her face.

“Oh.” He isn’t sure what to say to that, and her face is dark, so he just takes her hand instead. It seems to cheer her up a little, and Jack makes a mental note.

“I'm glad I have you, though,” she says, and squeezes his hand.

They end up wandering towards the US Center Chapel, a few yards off. The only building visible along the rather desolate highway edge. 

Jack remembers something he read about the chapel.

“Harper, check this out,” he says, pointing to a wooden box near the entrance. “Look, you can write little notes.”

“Oh, that’s so sweet! I guess the outside world can be nice sometimes.” exclaims Harper, her mood abruptly turning, “We should write something.”

“Yes.” Jack considers what he’s read on the internet. “You can’t go wrong with a classic.” That’s what Dean would say. He tears a slip of paper from the pad next to the box. Writes out H + J and traps the letters in a little heart.

handjob lol

“Oh, Jack,” Harper says, brushes her hand against his cheek. Her fingers are so soft. Delicate. He draws in a sharp breath. Her eyes look a little teary. She hesitates a moment before putting the paper in the slot, but it slips in eventually. 

FACE TOUCHING

She falls against him. She’s so little, her weight is barely an impact as he catches her and her head is under his chin, but she clutches around his ribcage and buries her face in his collarbone, and oh wow.

-

Cas is standing in the library when Jack walks in. His back is to the door, but Jack can feel his father watching him.

cas is the only person in this fic who jack refers to as his dad.

He goes to stand next to Cas. Cas reaches out, puts an arm around his shoulder. Jack leans against him.

“So, how are things with Harper?” Cas says it casually but there is a jolt of energy behind the words that he isn’t letting out on the human plane.

“They’re good. She likes me.”

Cas squeezes him a little tighter. He can feel Cas’ tendrils around him again. He couldn't, as a human.

when they hug in their trueforms... weh.......

“Dean told me that I should have a discussion with you about intimacy.” He’s looking at Jack now.

“Um,” Jack starts, “I think Dean uh, mostly covered it…”

“There are elements that we experience that I don’t think Dean will understand.” We. Oh. Of course. “I want to share…” Jack feels Cas’ consciousness begin to entwine with his and realizes what’s about to happen. He pulls back. 

as @restlesshush put it: when cas is your dad and starts mindmelding with you and you've been burned before

“I don’t want to know what it’s like to have sex with Dean.” The words come out sharper than he intended, and Cas’ face falls. Jack can feel him wilting. “Sorry,” he adds, trying to save things.

ENMESHMENT LOSS :'( cas wants to share everything with jack and envelope him and become one person and etc. and he's HURT that jack doesn't want to know about sex with dean. jack's REJECTING him as a parent. :c

“Are you sure?” Cas asks.

“Yeah. I just- sorry.”

Suddenly Cas is holding him with both arms, face in his shoulder.

cas feels like he's losing jack to the outside world, as i've said. this may be part of the motivation for that fishing trip, as well.

“Dean says you’re growing up,” he murmurs. Jack feels it more than hears it. He raises an arm and pats Cas on the back, the way he’s seen Dean do.

i really wanted to make this scene longer and more comedic as i've said, but it just was not happening. i needed it to be late in the fic and i needed late in the fic to be more serious, you know?

-

Harper is cute when she’s sleeping. She throws an arm up over her eyes and curls up, grasping one knee to her chest. In the orange of the streetlights, it’s adorable.

It’s a lot of work, getting up on the hood of her car without too much noise, but as long as he sits criss-cross applesauce, it’s pretty comfortable. And the one time she woke up, she gasped like she was scared, her mouth wide and plush and shiny, but then she blushed firetruck red and grinned and made a little heart with her hands, so this is probably what he was supposed to do. It’s romantic. 

just like harper's book! jack is trying to do the correct thing and he has no idea how to do that except from media and what harper has told him. and she has no idea what a red flag is so she thinks it's all cool.

-

Bzzt. So, what kind of music do you like?

I like classic rock.

Bzzt. Oh, cool. What do you like about it?

Well… Hm. Jack doesn’t know that much about music. What does he like? He knows… he knows what Dean likes. Does Jack even like music? It’s not a question he’s ever asked himself.

JACK FINALLY GRAPPLING WITH THE IDEA THAT HE MAY NOT LIKE THE THINGS HE THINKS HE DOES.

I just think it’s cool, I guess.

Bzzt. Okay!

-

The next time Harper comes over for a date, they watch Clone Wars . Harper says it's only fair, given that they watched her show last time.

They end up in Jack’s bedroom, since Sam, Dean, and Cas are watching The Beguiled in the Dean Cave. 

i mean the one from the seventies with clint eastwood obviously. anyway. thought that was a funny pull.

It's comforting, watching Clone Wars on a laptop. He's been doing it since he was only a few days old. Some of his first memories - real ones, not the strange dreams from before - include doing just this. 

return to the womb boy <3

He pulls up the movie first. Of course. But the opening crawl is barely over when he feels Harper tugging at him. She's kneeling beside him, sockfooted on the bed, shoes politely tucked next to his door. 

He turns, and suddenly her hand is on his jaw. A shiver runs through him, memories making his pulse speed up. Harper over him, pressure. Plastic at his lips. He closes his eyes. It's instinctive. Doesn't see but feels her pull him in.

ambiguous whether he's afraid or turned on. remember when she kidnapped him for a first date and then manhandled him?

Lip against lip is- It's interesting. Jack has touched his lips before. He's certainly put them against things. Food. His pillow. the turned up collar of his coat. And yet- and yet this is different. Something in it makes him shiver. 

Her hands are under his overshirt. Cool and powdery. He feels his stomach tighten as they sneak up his sides, brushing all the way.

Harper sucks his lip into her mouth. Scrapes it with her teeth. He feels a sharp movement of his own diaphragm, almost a hiccup, as she does it. 

He opens his eyes. Watches Harper devour his mouth. Her eyes, an inch or two away, flit under their lids like a girl dreaming. 

Cas had told him that he shouldn’t try to eat her. That he might get confused because he wanted something, but that eating wouldn’t be what he wants. He’s not sure what he wants.

this was my compromise since the cas sex ed scene had to be shortened.

He likes her.

this is the first time he's telling the real truth when he says he likes something. it comes after the music reckoning, so now jack knows that he's not sure of all his likes. but he's sure of this one.

Jack feels her move, and she’s light, but the way the canvas straps on his duffel bag are light. Weighing almost nothing, but holding everything. She’s across his lap, boxing him in. Straddling him. He can feel the heat, an emanation from between her legs. Jack chokes slightly. She leans forward, her body pressing against his until they’re collarbone to collarbone. Her lips brush his ear, and she whispers: “I’m better in bed than that orange slut will ever be.”

-

Dean catches the two of them sneaking to the door.

“You must be Harper,” he says, to Jack’s mortification. “Don’t I know you from somewhere?”

dean probably has enough cte at this point that he doesn't actually remember optimism

-

Sam jumps a little when Jack taps him on the shoulder. He always does that.

“Hey Jack,” he greets, shaking his hair out of his face. “What’s up?” He shuts his laptop and turns so he’s sitting sideways on the heavy wooden library chair.

“I wanted to talk to you about something,” Jack says. He fists his hands. He is going to ask. He is going to ask about Harper.

“Of course. You know you can always talk to me.”

“Yes. I like talking to you.” Is that true? Jack has never wondered before if that’s true. He is going to ask.

you see jack becoming more critical.

“So what’s up?”

He is going to ask.

“Can Harper come on a hunt with us?” The words don’t come out with the right inflection, but they’re out.

“Oh, uh, sure?” Sam says. “She knows, right? Cas said she knows. And she has some… ability…” Sam's mouth twitches, and he looks away.

sam projecting ruby and/or rowena again.

“Oh. Why wouldn't she?”

Sam's next breath is sharp, but he says nothing. Jack doesn't press further.

-

“Sam, Dean, Cas,” Jack says, “this is Harper.” He had agreed to “introduce her to the family,” if she was going to be hunting.

Harper stands at the end of the map table, like a doll waiting for an inspection.

Dean is sitting at the edge of the table, Sam and Cas on either side. He’d worked for hours on dinner, “ I don’t want to embarrass you in front of your girl, kid,” but all the sweat and exhaustion of that had been wiped away, probably with a shower, and he was looking every inch the congenial host. 

dean winchester "we can't let people know we sit" moment. also again dean is so excited to micromanage jack's heterosexuality

On one side, Sam smiles wanly at Harper. He seems nervous, somehow, his shoulders pulled in. Sam never seems quite comfortable at sit down family dinners, but this is more than that. His nerves seem directed at Harper. 

again. projecting ruby/rowena.

On the other side, Cas beams, even though Jack can see a little sparkle in his eyes.

cas crying a little...... his baby is growing apart from him.......

Harper’s place is set on Sam’s side of the table, and Jack’s on Cas’. 

“Come on, sit down,” Dean pronounces down the table, and everyone unfreezes. Harper seems to wake up from a stupor, and Jack follows her to her place at the table before looping back around to his own spot, behind the three grown ups.

Jack scoops mac ‘n cheese onto his plate as Dean interrogates Harper.

“So what do you do?”

“I’m a librarian.”

Harper meets Dean’s eyes solidly, but without challenge. Jack can’t help but be a little impressed. 

“Is it fun?”

“Yes, I love to read. I’ve always tried to see the world in books until now.”

“Where are you from?”

“Nebraska. You know, pretty small town. Not near anything important.”

“What’s your family like?”

“Oh, they’re nice. My mom taught me everything I know.” Out of the corner of his eye, he sees Sam zero in on her.

“That’s good, I like a girl who can respect her parents.”

YEEEEAAAHHHHH FAMILY BUSINESS.

Dean turns his gaze to Jack. Cas shoots him a little smile.

“So you two met on a case,” he says, “so how’d it happen? A little post-rescue eye magic, eh?”

“Well, actually, we were in a warehouse,” Jack starts, but his shins explode with pain. Harper has kicked him viciously under the table.

remember how dean pinched jack viciously earlier?

“Yeah, you know,” Harper says, “Jack saved me. From a monster.”

The image of Dean bursting into Harper’s apartment in pursuit of her ex-boyfriend comes unbidden to Jack’s mind.

teehee.

“Yeah,” he agrees, “totally.”

-

Jack jumps a little as air puffs out of the couch cushions. He’d had his eyes closed, been curled up, a little catnap while waiting on a text. But now someone is sitting beside him. Dean is sitting beside him. Jack doesn’t open his eyes, but he grips the arm of the couch.

“You know, kid, I’m proud of you,” he says. “Getting out there. Trying out living like regular people. The real world.”

“Yeah,” Jack says, quiet. He can sense Dean’s hand before it touches him, and he doesn’t flinch. Dean’s palm is warm resting on his elbow.

“I never really made it work, myself. I’m not used to the real world. Give me the life any day.”

like 80% of what dean means here is literally just "i, gay dean winchester, just could not hack it with a woman"

Dean chuckles. Jack glances over at him. He’s looking into the distance, somewhere else. Not any place in the bunker.

anyway this scene is about how dean is also like. a guy who was raised in a hole, like jack and harper. he too is from a serial killer cult and has no idea what's normal except what's on tv. it's turtles all the way down.

-

So, how did you get into Pushing Daisies, anyway?

Bzzt. My mom showed it to me. She wanted me to have positive necromancer role models.

That’s sweet. Where is your mom, anyway?

Bzzt. Oh, I killed her. She didn’t want Vance and me to be together.

That makes sense. Sometimes you do have to kill your family.

Bzzt. Exactly!

-

Jack’s got his headphones on to keep Sam and Dean’s voices out. Late every night when I am all alone, I call my baby on the telephone . He’s bored, stuck in his room all night, but it’s better than the alternative. Nothing sounds good to him, not TV, not games, not even YouTube, but he needs something to occupy himself.

During his research, the internet taught him about jerking off. A type of practice for sex, an experiment. He’s kind of curious about trying it.

jack jerking off to distract himself from sam and dean audibly fighting in the other room is an idea so diabolical i almost didn't include it.

He reaches a hand into his pants, and tries to picture Harper.

He tries just the idea of Harper, at first. Then he tries Harper in a swimsuit, like in one of Sam or Dean’s magazines. That’s interesting? But he’s not sure it’s really enjoyable. He might be starting to get an erection, but he doesn’t really know.

Harper spreading her legs like the woman in the vulva diagrams he’d looked at. That’s a little better. Harper lying on his bed spreading her legs. Okay. Harper pressing her vagina to him like she had when they’d kissed, except without clothing. Yeah. It could be hot against him. 

Harper on top of him. Harper trapping him, caging him with her arms, her crotch hot against his. His breathing is coming fast, now. Harper grasping him in her arms from behind, he can see the cloth in her hand, coming for his face. Harper over him in the warehouse. Climbing onto him. Wetness against him as he strains against his bonds.

The sound of a glass shattering against the wall in the kitchen breaks through his headphones. His breath hitches.

Harper straddling him, hot cunt resting against him, pressing the water bottle to his lips. Pouring it in ‘til he chokes. Her warm, delicate hand pressing to his throat.

He makes a mess in his hand. He’ll clean it up later.

no girl likes getting pawed at unless she has some serious daddy issues,

-

Jack is pretty proud of his banana bread. Dean had given him the recipe, apparently they needed to use up some bananas, but he’d made it all himself. No one else had even helped.

RETURN OF THE BANANAAAAAAAA

He sets the plate down and a glass of milk before Harper on the map table, and she smiles up at him.

“Where is everybody?” she asks, mouth full. “This is really good. They should come try some while it’s still warm.”

also i had fun using this scene to establish that harper has gotten comfortable here. "where is everybody" as though she's totally used to tfw.

“They’re in the dungeon,” Jack says. “Sam and Cas are torturing a werewolf.”

dean is not with them because dean has some torturing trauma and doesn't like torturing <3

“Oh, makes sense,” she nods.

“I don’t like torturing,” Jack says. “Dean says I’ll grow into it, though.”

dean voice you have to do some torturing to be a real man

Harper mhms and swallows. She reaches for another slice.

-

Cas and Dean are fighting. Jack can hear them outside his room. He tries to put on his headphones, I got something to say that might cause you pain , but they’re too close. Too loud.

another funny song choice. imo.

“You don’t think I know what you’re planning?”

“What?”

“Cabin for two, up in Nebraska? By the lake? Nice and romantic.”

“That’s not-”

“‘Fishing…’” Jack hears the sound of spitting. “Who is she?”

the way dean is like oh cas is gay earlier but as soon as tensions get high he assumes that cas is gonna leave him for a woman.

“Dean, listen-”

“Do you know what I would do if you left me, Cas? Do you know what it does to me when you just run off like you always do?”

i tried to make sure all of the Behaviors dean and harper exhibited in this fic were also exhibited by the other. so. deanjealousy.

Jack can feel the cold of the room key in his hand. He gets up, padding-quiet across the floor, and turns it. There’s a little clunk and he flinches, not expecting that. But it’s not loud enough to be heard over the crash from the kitchen. It appears the father-son fishing trip won’t happen after all.

dean gave him the key for sex but he's actually using it to symbolically protect himself from his household. also, the walls are closing in: cas can never be his escape route because cas will always cave. his independence has to be through harper.

-

“That’s,” Harper nervous-giggles a little, fingers digging into the rough sheets, “that’s crazy. That werewolves are real. The outside world is so weird.” She’s leaning back on her bed. Sam has given them both the spiel on tomorrow’s job and left them in Harper’s room. 

for harper there's no distinction between the real world and the hunting world, it's all outside of her fantastical world of yockeynatural.

Jack’s own bed is next to Sam’s in their double on the ground floor, but the singles are on the upper floor, so Harper is next to Dean and Cas. Jack can hear them murmuring to each other through the wall, but can’t make out the words.

“Yeah, I guess.” Jack stands near the tiny motel TV, not sure whether to put his hands in his pockets or clasp them behind him, and so doing neither.

“Kind of scary,” she says, eyes closed. She tilts her head back, looks up at the ceiling through closed eyelids. Her neck is long and delicate.

“I’ve never thought about it that way,” he says, “it’s just how things are.”

many things in jack's life are like this.

-

Dean and Cas are sneaking in the front. Sam is crouched in the bushes for back up. 

yes. YES. serial killers destroying the ordinary nuclear family.

Jack gets to go in the back.

The house is mostly brick, at least on the first floor, which is good for a shootout. Less risk of overpenetration. The backyard is pretty manicured, which is less ideal, but at least it isn’t illuminated. Dean said everyone in this household is a werewolf, so at least there’s no risk of civilians.

Jack keeps a hand on his - Sam’s - gun as he steps between tomato plants. He stays off the slate-paved path to the back door. Too much risk of noise.

He can’t hear Harper behind him, but he can feel her fingertips brushing his.

The screen door creaks and he flinches, not expecting that. He hears Harper gasp behind him. But no other sounds are forthcoming. After a moment, he untenses and steps in.

The hallway’s wallpaper is yellow. Slightly scuffed from when some large piece of furniture had knocked against it, perhaps years ago. There are two doors, one on the left, and one at the end. 

lol. yellow wallpaper.

He can hear his own footsteps, just barely, but not Harper’s. He glances back to see her sock-footed. She must’ve slipped out of her shoes at the door.

He nudges the door on the left open, gun raised, but it’s dark. Small. Too small for someone to be hiding. A bathroom. He flicks the light on, just in case, but it’s definitely empty. Nothing but the SpongeBob loofah looking back at him. He nods to Harper.

all the little marks of a perfectly normal household of regular people that they're gonna kill <3

The main light is off in the room at the end of the hallway, but Jack can see a light of some kind, cold and flickery, shining from inside. A screen maybe.

He presses the door and it swings, stopping just short of hitting the wall next to it, and Jack breathes a tiny sigh of relief, but tenses again when he sees inside. The room is dark enough to just be shapes, but there’s a bright square of image in the center, and just in front of it, the clear outline of a head.

Jack freezes.

Bang. Bang bang. 

Three shots in quick succession. From the front of the house.

The figure doesn’t move.

Jack hears Dean’s voice shout “front clear,” but he’s too focused on the figure to really hear it. He inches forward into the room, gun pointed. Safety off.

The werewolf is wearing headphones. That’s why he didn’t hear it. Gunfire is spattered across the screen in cold white flashes, and he’s wearing headphones.

when the kid doesn't hear the fighting. because he's wearing headphones. :3

Jack steps up behind him and pulls the trigger.

YEEEEAHHHH JACK KILL YOUR DOUBLE. unselfawarely

Gunshots are very loud. Most people know this, but it’s hard to express just how unpleasant it is to hear a bullet fired a few feet from your face without ear protection. Jack still hears Harper squeal.

Blood is spurting from the werewolf’s chest in a geyser, and Jack can see his face illuminated in the light of the screen, the boy’s mouth fishlike and gasping as he expires. The light flickers. Computer generated blood splashes across the monitor and it goes dark, displaying the message “You have died.”

Jack turns to look at Harper. She’s covered in blood. It soaks the ruffles of her buttercup-yellow shirt, and drips from her lashes as she stares at him, wide-eyed.

starts in blood, ends in blood. a bloody coming of age. jack getting initiated into the sickness of a hunter's adulthood. he has become what his role models have taught him to be, in every way.

The next moment, she’s flung her arms around him. Face buried in his shoulder. He can feel her shaking, but he feels warm.

-

Sam drives them home in the Impala. Dean and Cas are taking Cas’ truck.

Harper dozes, her head on Jack’s shoulder, gore sticky all down her front.

instead of hiding the blood, jack shows it off like a badge of honor. it's initiated him into adulthood.

-

Jack leans against the map table. He feels a lot better after a shower and a change of clothes, but he’s still wired. Wired enough that he flinches when he hears Dean’s step.

“Whoa, Tony,” Dean says, and Jack feels the hand on his shoulder, firm but gentle. Okay. Jack relaxes a little.

flinchboyyyyyyy. approval seeking missile. both at once.

“You did good today, kid,” Dean says, “get some sleep.” And it’s a warm, fizzing thing. Jack feels it from the tip of his toes up to behind his ears. He did good today.

oh also. i wanted to say. another reason i decided to excise the soul magic plot entirely is that i didn't want people attributing jack's character arc in this fic to soullessness. he Did That all on his own <3

-

Jack’s phone buzzes, and he jolts awake. Good morning <3.

FLINCHBOY! fin

[narrynukezankielover]

If you love Jared please don’t read this.

I started watching Supernatural about 4 months ago. Never wanted to watch to watch but YouTube kept recommending Misha and Jensen con interviews and Destiel videos (I’m guessing where I love Good Omens and was watching a bunch of Crowley and Aziraphale videos the site assumed I’d like almost any gay stuff) and finally I gave in. Basically I started watching because I ended up loveing Misha especially and Jensen and wanted to see if I’d love their characters. Got a bit pissed when I found out I’d have to watch 3 seasons before Cas even comes into it but I watched anyway. First of all I’m not a fan of the first 3 seasons they remind me of the first season of Gotham before they changed to arc seasons but I like season 4. I would love to know how the hell is Jared is the star of the show? I’m not saying that because I hate the guy (which I do. He’s a 2 year old in a 40ish year old body. I also HATE how he treats Misha. I don’t care if he is the star that doesn’t give him the right to physically hurt the guy. Yes Misha lot of the times laughs it off but that’s just because he’s too nice to tell him to stop. The story that Misha and Jensen told once where Jared was really irritating Misha on set and yes Jensen joined in but I think Jensen said he noticed how upset Misha was and he stopped and the next day he apologized and said that Jared doesn’t know when he’s gone too far is just insane to me. How can an adult be so childish. It’s fine to play jokes on each other but that’s going way too far.) I’m saying it because Dean seems to be more in the show and have more stories with him plus in real life Jensen seems to do more with Supernatural. It’s just my opinion but it does seem like Jensen should be the star.

As someone who is watching these eps for the first time I can tell you there is a lot of Destiel in just the first few Cas eps. I’ve read that the first time they looked at each other with heart eyes was in the first 4 eps so I had to look for myself. The first time I noticed they looked at each other with softened eyes (wouldn’t really call it heart eyes) is the scene in the park on the benches. Then the ep Heaven And Hell is full of Destiel stuff. Sam was ready to kill all the angels he asked if the was anything that could kill angels but the look on Deans face was oh f*ck no. I’m sure he wouldn’t have a problem with killing Uriel since he doesn’t keep it a secret he hates him so obviously it’s Cas he doesn’t want to hurt. Then when the angel misses was telling Dean what it’s like being an angel and that if you don’t obey orders you get killed it’s like he understood what Cas was saying on the bench. That he’s not like the other angels and that he has questions. I think that’s when Dean started thinking about Cas differently then he did before. I found it interesting that when Uriel told Dean that Cas has a weakness and it’s that he likes Dean Dean didn’t really react. He now knows why he got out of hell. He knows Cas didn’t pick him just because he had a crush on him or anything he picked him because he was told to do it to help stop the apocalypse. The weakness part is the interesting part because you wouldn’t call someone’s friend their weakness. That’s usually when people are extremely close or family. Yet Dean didn’t react like he was disgusted or confused it was more just ok an angel likes me that’s fine. The next interesting thing is when Dean and misses kissed. Cas looked like he couldn’t handle watching it then he even turned away. I know Misha said he wasn’t playing Cas in love with Dean from the beginning it wasn’t until a little later when he realized there was something there so if that’s the case why would he react this way to Dean kissing a girl? Was it maybe Mishas actual feelings? Then at the fighting scene I love that when Dean saw that Cas couldn’t fight back he protected him. I seriously doubt Sam would’ve done that. Then at the end Cas stopped Uriel from attacking Dean. Cas has been in only a few eps and yet Cas and Dean are already protecting each other. I find that so cute. Then the little eye stare at the end was amazing.

Lastly from almost the start of the show they make gay comments about Dean. Normally it is about Dean and Sam which is absolutely disgusting considering they’re brothers but I noticed Sam just corrects the person then moves on but not Dean he keeps questioning why the person thought he was gay. He then goes and flirts with guys. Why do the writers keep putting Dean in those situations and not Sam. Obviously Dean is bi.

[thehollowprince]

I agree with the buddie being like Sterek. Some of the buddie Fandom also reminds me of some of the supernatural Fandom. Giving every new love instrest on the show so much hate the characters gets killed off. I think the whole buddie vs bucktommy is exactly what would've happened if Dean came out as Bi and started dating Benny (that vampire he met in purgatory) instead of Cas. Can you imagine? The dastiel Fandom would go crazy.

I fully admit I stopped watching Supernatural probably around the seventh season, mostly because the show wasn't interesting to me anymore, but also, in large part, because of the fandom itself. So, obviously, I don't really know who Benny is, but I vaguely remember some Destiel fandom being not happy with the inclusion of this character, because they wanted Destiel!

And this plays into a larger problem within fandom, something I've been saying for a while.

Shipping Culture is the Death of Fandom.

You can't enter a fandom space anymore (and this goes back probably a decade) without the question being prompted of "What's your favorite ship?" And if you answer anything other than what the most popular ones are, you are generally run out until you find a nice quiet corner of you and others who like your "obscure" or "small" ship. And God help you if you have anything negative to say about the Fandom Ship!

It was like this with Sterek, and it was like this with Destiel, and in regards to this ask, it's like this with Buddie.

Fun fact that people don't like to acknowledge, but all three of those ships have one major thing in common. They were all made up by their respective fandoms. There was nothing in those shows that even hinted at those ships, but the fandom cheered for them to happen anyway. And hey, ship and let ship, right? Except most people don't harass actors and writers and directors over these ships. And these loud voices were noticed and fan serviced was peppered in, but seeing as how they weren't supposed to be a thing anyway, those ships never actually happened on screen.

This, of course, led to more screaming from the fandoms and accusations of "queerbaiting," despite the fact that each one of those shows had queer characters in them (911 and Teen Wolf from the beginning) that were outright ignored by the fandoms that claimed they wanted more queer rep. You never saw these people who claimed to "so badly want more queer rep" go up to bat for characters like Danny or Hen, but somehow they were being baited?

Which brings me back to the whole issue of Buddie proper. Like I said before, I don't really go here, mostly because I took one look at a lot of the Buddie shippers and said "hell no." I had already dealt with that with the Sterek fandom, but I did keep my ear to the ground, so to speak, mostly because I have a mutual who is very much in this fandom. That's the whole reason I even knew about Buck coming out as bisexual and the current relationship with Tommy. And what really kills me about some of (not all of, but enough of) these Buddie shippers saying the most vile and homophobic shit, is that if these exact same scenarios were playing out now but with Eddie in Tommy's place, they have absolutely no problem with it.

I'm talking no dialogue changes, no costume changes, no story changes, they'd be perfectly fine with it, despite the fact that they are literally picking apart everything Tommy is doing or has done with a comb and pointing out how horrible he is as a boyfriend/character.

Which just goes to prove that they don't give two shits about queer representation. They just want their ship, but even if they got it, they wouldn't be happy, because it has become its own thing within the Fandom itself. Nothing would ever live up the OOC characterization they now have that exists solely in their fics.

This is, of course, why they go out of their way to attack people who like Buck and Tommy together, particularly the queer men in the fandom (ironically) and make threats about how they would shoot Tommy/Lou (remind anyone of "stoning Scott McCall for fixing a dog's leg?) or writing fics about Tommy killing a child to justify their hatred for the character (a literal thing I saw with my own eyes).

To top it all off, these shippers are also the same people who act like they're the offended party in all this, that they're the victims. I saw some of them on TikTok talking about the actresses that played Buck's and Eddie's romances on the show calling out the Buddie shippers for the reason their characters didn't stick around. And while I can't confirm of that's absolutely true or not, I'm going to go out on a limb and say the way these shippers wanted those Love Interests gone before they were even on screen didn't exactly help.

Ironically enough, the Buddie shippers did the exact same thing the Sterek shippers and the Destiel shippers did, which is be so obnoxious that I can't even stand their ships anymore.

But what do I know? I'm just an actual gay man who's thrilled to see genuine queer rep between two men on a popular show. What does my opinion matter?