#and also i am very fortunate that i am a fucking genius

[urbanfiltered]

feeling overwhelmed with gratitude that i am so sweet and whimsical and charming

[aurae-rori]

DR RATIO ANALYSIS: PART 2, ELECTRIC BOOGALOO

SPOILERS FOR 2.1 CONTENT.

Now, you might be saying - "Aurae, you already did one, why do you need a second?" And my answer is, "LORD, I FORGOT TO TALK ABOUT HOW HIS DEFINITION OF 'IDIOT' IS DIFFERENT. AND ALSO HE DOES NOT HATE AVENTURINE NOR DOES HE THINK AVENTURINE IS STUPID." Once again, here is my disclaimer - although I have been researching psychology for a solid six years, I am NOT a professional. (I will be, one day. Just you wait, just youuuu wait-) So understand that everything I say has been analyzed with personal judgement, with my own conclusions, come to with logic and my personal interpretation. This is just what I have concluded, and you are always free to disagree.

This is my legacy. To be an analyzer. So let's go.

Okay, now that my disclaimer is over, let's take off Ratio's plaster head and chuck it into the sea, and see - what does he mean by 'idiot'?

This will be much shorter than my last, so don't worry - I will not be flashbanging you with another 4k words. This is more like a follow up, than anything else, because there's a few things I wish to touch on.

Dr. Ratio doesn't hate idiots in the sense that he hates people that have 'low IQ' or are 'stupid' in terms of being 'slow to understand'. I definitely touched on this in my last analysis, but he hates people who take their education for granted and don't go places with the gifts that they've been given. He hates "idiots" - "narrow minded" people who have the capabilities to do more and perceive more than they choose to do. People who deliberately look away or take what they know and what they could do for granted. He wants to open people's eyes and allow them to see life from multiple different angles and he believes that everyone should have a chance to learn - with the whole "knowledge for everyone" thing he's got rolling.

He wears a plaster head around people he doesn't seem to know too well in order to think more, or so that he doesn't have to see the faces of the people he dislikes. Pretty good roast. However, he does NOT wear that plaster head around Aventurine. Let's listen to the doctor's judgement - Aventurine is far from stupid. Although he likes to chalk up a lot of the things he does to his own luck, he is an INCREDIBLY capable individual who's managed to get this far because of his own form of genius. He's a man who relies on chance and good fortune, yes, but his charm, his way of scheming, and the way that he's good with people? That's skill. A talent he doesn't take for granted. Dr. Ratio respects him for this - because despite the fact that he has no proper education, he has his eyes wide open to the world and doesn't take shit for granted. He learns what he can in order to survive and he does it fucking well - Aventurine is a very smart man. He's observant, quick on his feet, and great at going with the flow and thinking in the moment.

Aventio aside, I actually believe that Dr. Ratio would be a really good teacher to those who struggle. He's patient where it's needed to be, even if he's got a quick temper, and I believe in his pursuit for knowledge he would do his best to go out of his way to find strategies that would work for their individuals. We're all unique, and he's aware of this - and because he wants to allow people to think for themselves, whatever helps the individual works. Depression? He's got a psych degree, I'm sure bro could give you some strategies. Autism? He has a touch of the 'tism himself. ADHD, and not feeling organized? Bro will help you. It's canon that he's a great fucking teacher - those who finish his classes go on to become successful people who are intelligent and critical thinkers. Round of applause for Ratio, the man that kins my father. He's shit at emotions, but great at knowledge.

Also, on that note, I believe that he would most likely hate parents that push thier "gifted" students to the limit without any compassion for the person that they really are. He's most definitely got some of that academic trauma so I believe that bro holds a secret disdain for parents who just use their children to gain more recgonition. Well, not so secret. He'd cuss them out. (Ratio please cuss out the horrible parents.)

Dr. Ratio, the Teacher ever. (Hey, maybe he'd get along with Kunikida...)

Also, I am definitely planning on making a fic where he teaches Aventurine Latin. As long as you're eager to learn and willing to look past the chalk being thrown, he's got a place for you.

Thanks for coming to my tedtalk. I did not read this through, so this is not edited. Take my unedited rambles.

[hiraethwa]

to be loved is to be known

zero; i was made for loving you // from a distance

<the collection — to be loved is to be known>

pairing. kageyama x reader

cw. angst to fluff, timeskip, setter!reader, one-sided pining, blasphemy, soon to be married and then divorced!reader, not very canon timeline compliant if you squint

wc. ~600

lucky is to have you. lucky is something i am not.

kageyama tobio thinks he must be born cursed. that or the gods just enjoy playing cruel pranks on him to see him flounder about and suffer as he flits around in the palm of their hands. 

because how else would one explain missing the person who he’s been waiting for by years, not just once, but twice? he swallows the feeling that is bubbling up in his throat as he watches you give him a thumbs up on the sidelines, eyes catching onto the glint of gold on your finger. 

yeah, he decides bitterly, they must be toying me for their own amusement. 

he remembers the first time he met you as clear as day, introduced by kuroo tetsuro—the gods-favored one who had been blessed not only to have the fortune of meeting you first, but also managing to claim your heart as his in the process. 

he had seen you in passing a handful of times, heard of your name on the same stage as him, your names endlessly intertwined together. as if you were two sides of the same coin despite never having properly interacted before. 

if he was being honest, he had been mildly irked at the constant comparison. the articles, doing their analysis of “genius setter kageyama tobio vs strategic setter oumae y/n”, goes on and on about your technical prowess (which is almost on par with him) and your strategic plays (purportedly better than his own), all concluding with a question—will you surpass him as japan’s best setter? 

not to mention, you are the people’s darling, all smiles and sunshine, even-tempered and ever so delightful to be around, unlike the storm that accompanies him whenever he is off court. 

though when kuroo-san personally requested for his help, he found his own curiosity piqued. considering that he is indebted to kuroo-san for all that he had done to help karasuno grow into their wings years ago, how could he reject his request?

besides, kageyama had his own questions for you. he found himself looking up replays of your games on youtube after going to one of your matches with hinata and his younger sister, mesmerized by your skills as a setter. despite the minor annoyance he had with the media, he quickly came to agree with their shallow assessment.

“oumae y/n, nice to meet you.” your words were polite, that dazzling smile that wins everyone over to your side making its first appearance. “i’ve been dying to meet you since i saw you play a couple of years ago. your precise sets are a work of art, and i’m sure you’ve been told this, your serves are godly.”

somehow you almost, almost remind him of oikawa tooru, if not for the sincerity behind your words, the stark contrast to oikawa-san’s habitual disingenuous tone. 

despite himself, a faint smile made its way onto his face—one of many, many more that you will pull out of him in time. 

“i’ve heard some things, but godly, that’s a first.” and you had fucking beamed at him like a bright sunny day, like a fan meeting their idol for the first time. he supposes that it was exactly that, if you had been following him for a while. 

you went on to pepper him with questions about his serve, showing him how you do it, and asking him to correct your form.

he wishes he could chalk it all up to falling in love at first sight. at least then he would have been able to blame it all on illogical emotions that do not have a basis for why he fell for someone who is taken. 

but the gods do not favor kageyama tobio, for they curse him so, bestowing the fate of koi no yokan upon him—what was supposed to be a magical feeling of knowing that you are meant to fall for them inevitably, with a cruel twist just for him. 

and he knows, fuck the gods, he knows more than senses the light flutter of his dormant heart awakening to you. 

taglist. @hatsukeii @daisy-room @soulfullystarry @kitsune-kita @bakery-anon (open! ask for taglist)

a/n. might have lost my mind writing lovesick tobio but it was worth it <3

awaiting updates? browse the library while waiting

if you liked this, please consider leaving a like, comment, rb or ask <3 (perhaps i enjoy hearing about how i break hearts a little too much)

[goodoldfashionedengineer]

TUA Tumblr Simulator pt. 2

Find more here: pt. 1

—

💩is-reginald-hargreeves-dead-now Follow

10/01/2007

NO

💩is-reginald-hargreeves-dead-now Follow

21/03/2019

YES, HE'S DEAD NOW!!!

938,649 notes

🤲health-and-goodness Follow

RIP Sir Reginald Hargreeves

🌄chanceschances Follow

HA, no

FUCK Reginald Hargreeves, all my homies HATE Reginald Hargreeves

256,803 notes

🏰study-hall-monitor Follow

Wait, how old is Reginald Hargreeves? Did he not age? Seriously, look at this photo from 2002 and look at this photo from this year

🦕dino-nuggiez Follow

If you were on Facebook, they'd say he was a lizard person

🐊florida-shaped-being Follow

Fortunately, we're on Tumblr

Which means that people will say he's a crab person

🎃helloqueen Follow

🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀

🍁chaos-is-my-peanutbutter Follow

You fools

OBVIOUSLY he's an alien

👾codey-for-everyone Follow

Wait. Omg. It makes sense!

It would also explain their powers, think about it!

You're an absolute genius, I can't believe no one has ever thought about that before!

🍁chaos-is-my-peanutbutter Follow

Lmao I think you're taking this too seriously buddy

🖍️memecent-van-go Follow

You are ALL wrong

He is actually created in a lab by the government and they said he "died" to surprise us with the biggest April Fool's prank in the history of mankind next week

498,737 notes

🪩 traumallama Follow

Congratulations to all the Hargreeves siblings, I am very happy for you. May you lead a very peaceful and cheerful life now that your dickhead father is gone

🌌 jupiters-moons Follow

🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳

🌨️ twirlingandwhirling Follow

I just feel bad for The Séance. Wouldn't like to have my abusive dad following me around

👥 lurkeringlurrlurr Follow

By that logic his dead brother, The Horror, would also be following him around

🌌 jupiters-moons Follow

Their names are Klaus and Ben.

🚵 rolly-molly Follow

Can we go back to The Séance thing? I mean, his power is that he can see ghosts iirc, who is to say he can't see Ben? (Also, seriously, The Horror? That must be so bad for a child)

👥 lurkeringlurrlurr Follow

Sure, I guess it wouldn't be impossible

But if *I* had my dead brother following me around all the time, I think I'd lose my sanity

9,734 notes

🪷sweet-sweet-sweeter Follow

Why Reginald Hargreeves kinda hot ngl

🥐food-up-with-this-croissant Follow

Dude, he JUST died

🪷sweet-sweet-sweeter Follow

What? I like old guys!

🌾crying-in-bed Follow

Tumblr user not simping over a white rich dude challenge: FAILED ❌

👾codey-for-everyone Follow

Also he's probably an alien

🪷sweet-sweet-sweeter Follow

Even better for the monsterfuckers

🐍nessiesmuse Follow

The monsterfuckers don't want him either

💟singthissong Follow

Abi, I say this as your friend, your mutual...

Get a better taste in men

🪷sweet-sweet-sweeter Follow

Maybe when I can afford rent, food and bills with one job I will

5,679 notes

☂️brellies-fan Follow

Is that Number Five, aka, The Boy, the one who disappeared 17 years ago?! Why does he still look like 13!? What's happening?!

1,139,580 notes

[twitteringnerdsneverfly]

Am I the only one that hates when this fandom tries to make doumeki the bad guy every chance they get? Like some people blame him for every single bad thing that has happened to yashiro since he entered his life and as someone that is really emotionally attached to doumeki I can't help but feel sad anytime I see them slandering him.

People are saying that he should stop pretending not to care that it's damaging yashiro's mental health more but what about his? I don't think people are being realistic about what's happening like imagine getting shot at and abandoned by confessing your feelings in the first place, even if you do manage to forgive that person you would never wanna do that again especially knowing how sensitive they get to that, yes I admit I hate what's happening between them and I wish they just talk it out but that's not happening anytime soon.

I honestly just want doumeki's pov I want to know what his thinking, how his feeling, is he still angry, what his next move is, how he really feels about the whole fuck buddy thing.....people are saying his caging yashiro but is he really? They are caging themselves, yashiro not willing to let go of doumeki again that's why he willingly gives himself to him and doumeki just wanting to be near the man he loves even if it means just sex it's sad.

Sorry for the long text😭 What do you think about this? I may be just sensitive because I really feel for doumeki

Hi Anonymous! 👋🏼 I wonder if you're the same Anonymous who asks me questions or if you're a different Anonymous every time? Either way, I'm happy to be asked questions, thank you for asking me for my opinion 🤗

So I also really feel for Doumeki. I fortunately have not come across the posts you've referenced. I will say however that everyone is entitled to their own opinion. So if people don't like Doumeki that's their choice and that's OK.

So people saying every bad thing has happened to Yashiro since Doumeki entered his life: I mean tbh a shit tonne of bad things have already happened to Yashiro without Doumeki. And that whole arc with Hirata wanting to take Yashiro out, had nothing to do with Doumeki. People targeting Yashiro is part of the Yakuza life, Doumeki or not.

Re: Yashiro's mental health - this is already fucked tbh. Doumeki or not, Yashiro has convinced himself he loves his trauma and almost died post timeskip in how brutal and messed up his sex has become. Yashiro is not OK. He never has been. I see no evidence for Doumeki in just coming to Y for sex having any detriment to Yashiro's mental health.

The only thing this is going to do, is make Yashiro question what he wants and this is a good thing.

I personally think Doumeki is a fucking genius. He has completely understood how fucked up Yashiro is, that any indication of sentiment of love, spoken or expressed in any way other than sex, will repulse Yashiro (in fact the tender sex already repulses him). Yashiro hates and wants the tenderness. Yashiro wants to be loved but can't let himself be loved because what is love? Doumeki has found the sweet spot: a way of being together without being together.

Doumeki is in love with Yashiro but any hint of this or pressure from Doumeki's side, as you rightly said, could lead to Yashiro shooting him or doing something reckless.

At the very least, Doumeki knows now that Yashiro's body reacts to him and only him. Y's body knows love and tenderness and now craves to taste more, though he isn't used to this new sweet taste when he's had such bitter experiences.

I can't see at all how Doumeki is caging Yashiro; in fact the opposite is true - Doumeki is on the cusp of setting Yashiro free. But Doumeki can only open the birdcage. Yashiro needs to choose to fly. Yashiro needs to choose to accept this tenderness, this devotion, this love and accept the rough punishing sex isn't actually what he wants.

Doumeki is the necessary catalyst to make Yashiro question. But at the end of the day, the only person who can save Yashiro is Yashiro.

I'm fortunately unbothered by others' negative opinions of Doumeki. If people don't like him that's OK.

I trust my own opinion here and I love both Doumeki and Yashiro. I want both to receive the love that each other can give more than just the sex.

Yashiro needs to accept that he is in love with Doumeki and right now, Doumeki has accepted that for now, Yashiro can't love him.

But in the unspoken plains of sex, both can love and hide their true feelings at the exact same time.

[saintsenara]

19 27 37 48 for Tom/Voldemort 😊

thank you for the ask anon!

19. what are their vices/bad habits?

murder, obviously.

theft. pathological lying. torture. gaslighting. coercion. manslaughter. engaging in acts of terrorism. organ harvesting. fraud. the list is endless.

and also smoking. he's a forty-a-day man. can't get cancer if you're immortal, after all.

27. what is their guilty pleasure?

i always write voldemort as having an incredibly sweet tooth, but - crucially - also liking the sort of old-fashioned sweets that you might associate with your granny. the malfoys are spending a fortune on marzipan fruits and violet creams during deathly hallows and lucius is not allowed to share.

37. what do they really think about themselves?

voldemort is, obviously, incredibly fucked up in many ways - and, in his heart of hearts, i think he does recognise that he’s affection-starved, lonely, and grieving.

but these things can exist perfectly happily alongside bulletproof self-confidence in other areas. he thinks he’s the cleverest and most interesting person he knows, and is very much of the opinion that he’s always right and the rest of the world just doesn't understand his genius. other people might describe that as "having a victim complex", but they're wrong.

he also thinks he’s gorgeous at all stages of his life. the snake face is a deliberate choice and he’s pleased with it. to each their own...

48. what was the scariest moment of their life?

i am wedded to the headcanon that voldemort was quite a sickly child. i think it offers a particularly interesting insight into his obsession with magic if he’s someone who’s physically fragile, rather than - as i often see him in fics and, especially, art - someone who’s particularly strong and domineering [after all, he may be tall, but he’s emphasised throughout canon as being very, very thin, and i like him looking like he could be snapped in half by a strong breeze].

his consumptive pallor and soft, wheezy voice, then, are the result of regular childhood respiratory illnesses. flu, pneumonia, bronchitis, he’s had it all; but it was a bout of scarlet fever which very nearly killed him that is the most terrifying thing which has ever happened to him, not least because it put him at the mercy of the doctors he - canonically - hates.

he’s never forgotten the horror of teetering on the edge of life - and seeing the white light and all that, although he didn’t hear anyone calling for him - and it drives his later obsession with conquering death entirely.

[grntaire]

stress-wise: relax your shoulders, your jaw, your back. lay on your back with your feet on the floor, knees bent (also elevate your head slightly w a pillow or book if you can), and take deep breaths. as a musician it can help me to count in a slow 6/8 weirdly, so idk if that might help you too, but any kind of breathing's always good. whenever i have too many things to do i pick one of the easier things to do and make a conscious effort to stop thinking abt my worries and just concentrate on getting one tiny task done at a time, and then onto the next thing. apart from that, i just try to remember and trust in the fact that 90% of the time, i will not literally die or be killed or stop existing if the worst thing goes wrong. it might be fucking horrible, but tomorrow will get here and regardless of how today goes, we have the chance to try again and again and again and again. and eventually little by little we make it better. idk. stress fucking sucks and there's many kinds but i hope at least some of this helps??? hope you get to rest soon <3

counting a slow 6/8 is genius actually i will be doing that asap?? thank you my friend <3 it’s like i do get rest but am very much on the other end of the “oh so i’m an autistic lesbian” crisis and left with the “now what?” part! trying to figure out what i actually want my life to look like is terrifying and odd bc i’ve basically been lying to myself abt parts of it for a long time so going through what is genuine and what is fabricated is just very stressful but fortunately my new therapist is lovely :) am hoping that working through this existential stress will help me through the task-based stress that Lingers all the time but we will get there

[astroboots]

Hii it's theory anon again and let me tell you I got so happy and excited when I saw your response !!!! I'm literally kicking my feet and twirling my hair as I type this and think which of my theories might be right

And I'm so happy you liked my ask 💕 I love to pick apart little details in stories and I feel like eyem has so many little tips hidden in every chapter, it's like putting together a very big puzzle and I CANT wait until I've got the full picture

I was gonna wait until you've posted a new chapter to come here and scream about my conspiracy theories to you BUT last night I was thinking about the 11.5 special and I realized that nena and dr strange's interaction where they're discussing prices sure reminded me of cielito talking to the fortune teller and I swear I had an epiphany HSJSHD

So...what if dr strange was the fortune teller? Maybe he found a way for cielito to live but he knew miguel would never accept his help after what happened to Nena so he had to have a disguise?

I can't believe we have three chapters left!! I can't wait to know what happens but I'm also not ready for it to end 😭😭 I'm so anxious!! I need miguel and his cielito to be alright!! And trust me I can't wait until I finish reading the last chapter so you and I can discuss everything like two scholars

OH ALSO!! I remember that weeks ago, right after I finished reading the first chapter I came across a post and it made me think of eyem and it's possible endings so much I just had to save it!! I don't think I can send screenshots on anon but the post said "what if you loved me so much it literally undoomed me. What if I had so much faith in you it reshaped the narrative into a happy ending" and yea it really reminded me of miguel and cielito :') miguel loving cielito so much he's doing everything he can to save her :'')) cielito having so much faith on miguel she barely even thinks about what would happen if they fail :''''))))

THEORY NONNY!

OMFG your theories are so fucking amazing!!! 😍😍😍😍 I EFFIN LOVE THIS!!!

I love how much thought you put into this especially because I absolutely do put down hints in every chapter hoping, praying and begging someone will pick it up so I get such a burst of joy to see everything you've picked up and your interpretation of those clues!!!!

The Nena and Strange bargaining interaction!!! OMG! I love this theory so much it's so genius!! cannot wait for you to read chapter 14. please come back to me when i've posted it so we can discuss!!!

So it looks like we have four chapters left XD I decided to split the final chapter in two becaues it was getting so damn long lol.

Also that post omg omg that is such a perfect fit for the vibes. I AM LOVING THAT. it's so beautiful and so accurate to their characters because that's precisely their mindsets about the situation!! thank you so much lovely theory nonny.

[airshipvalentine]

i have (fortunately? unfortunately?) been getting into dndads recently. it's a fun time and ive been a fan of the story break/rocketjump ppl for a couple years now so as expected i am enjoying myself

here's my thoughts

anthony burch is a fucking legend. i want to shake his hand

by far the best recap segments of, like, any podcast i've listened to. i love a good public radio parody/song/documentary bit. reminds me of the unexplored places' microfiction bits they put in their episode descriptions which i ALSO adore

fun facts about the characters at the top of every episode? genius. helps put a name to a voice, helps characterize the pcs, very funny. no notes

outtake at the end of the credits is also good

i have real human emotions about grant wilson and the oak-garcia twins. i am predictable

i can feel my sense of humor degrading with every episode i listen to. dear god help me i need to watch something clever and well-thought out

[groondon-blog]

Fuck we're back. Alright. Okay. Sick. Okay, so I see a lot of people here talking about plurality, and I may have it? Idk, but the voices in my head do eventually get some form of consciousness if they can handle the pressure. Usually, it's just me and numerous screamers. I wonder why they scream. Anyway. I've had three that lasted a while and one that lasted years. I still miss her... Sometimes, I think about trying to bring her back, but it wouldn't be the same. So now I sit here with the loud voice. I do a pretty good job hiding it in person, but they come out easily through my art and writing. I don't know what causes them, but when the meds music and time all line up its quiet usually for about 10 minutes and in this time I get to plan out my day week month and years. I get a glimpse into who I really am despite the noise. Right now is one of those moments. Yesterday was not. I should figure out what content warning means. Nope, don't get distracted, yet this is your journal. Get down what you want before their back. Anyway, I like to call this version of myself who is clear and without limitations, The Genius. Hehe like Henya! Their the exact combination of all of my pieces without any limitations on my thinking capabilities. They're the one who was able to work around the medication I'm on to be able to think clearly again. They're the one able to get out of and handle the anxiety. I'd like to be them all the time, but their way of thinking is exhausting. Mentally, I mean. Very quickly, headaches roll in, my skin begins to crawl, and I begin to disassociate from myself quickly. It is all very dangerous for someone like me. Someone weak. Next topic! I went to my friends house and cosppayed astolfo! I've been wanting to do it for a while and lost 70lbs to look good. I was 280 and I've learnt that I could've cosplayed him then too. But I set a goal and I wore it out! I'll prolly post something where I do show my face. But now my meds make me really really hungry all of the time instead of before where I could eat now I eat all of the time. I've gotta pick a lane either massive weight loss or massive weight gain. The bulk or the cut that is the question. Whether tis nobler to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune or to take up arms against a sea of troubles. Oops my bad. Next! I had a dream last night and it wasn't a nightmare! This doesn't usually happen and when it does I can't remember them. But last night I dreamt that someone either on reddit or here asked me to draw something from a Kaif video. So I'm gonna go watch some and the draw whatever matches my dream I'll post it here. Next! I'm picking up Japanese again. Next! I'm struggling still woth the idea of getting bigger or smaller. The two I use as a frame of reference are Astolfo (5'4 135) and Barghest (6'2 260 lbs). Both extremes I know, but I'm a pretty hard worker sometimes. Especially if I want something. Astolfo would come as a result of better diet and a lot of cardio. Barghest would come as a result of a better diet but a lot of protein and some heavy lifting and sprinting. Also going for barghest could result in a buff astolfo plus I wanna start hrt sometime soon. All of that works. I think I'm gonna go for Barghest. I also think a demon who's a bottom fits me better than the extroverted lover. Anyway this is it for my post, I'm not dead yet! I love you!

[daisynik7]

I love this! thank you for the tag lourdes and thank you for including my ino fic on the list! 😭♥️ I've read a lot of amazing fics this year, and these are just ten that I can think of off the top of my head! this is in no particular order/ranking:

I love literally every piece of work that @bloompompom writes, but I am especially enthralled with her series gossip! right now. this has me by the fucking throat! the world building in this is incredible, every time I read a chapter, I'm transported into the world she created for us. it's a masterpiece.

DTF series by @mochimooon, this one was so much fun to read omg! I always started each chapter with a giant smile on my face, then at the end, I was screaming with how hot the smut was! each chapter features a different aot man and it truly opened my eyes to characters I never really thought much about. so much love for this series and for this writer.

How It'll Be by @kentomilk. This is such a healing piece especially after such a heavy JJK season (Shibuya arc who, I don't know her). It's tender, sweet, full of love, and beautifully written. It made my love for Nanami grow larger , if that was even possible. this writer is also very dear to me and I know she put her heart into this, and it truly shows. It's an absolutely stunning piece of art.

Good Grief by @crazychaoticizzy, an epic Erwin x f!reader series that has me captivated! It is insanely well written and has me on a rollercoaster of emotions for our characters. Truly an amazing piece of work.

Infiltration by @pseudowho, a Nanami series that has me in a fucking chokehold! It's sexy, romantic, thrilling, action-packed with a bit of mystery. Haitch is an amazing writer who has created an incredible story that has us all at the edge of our seats. Amazing work.

@todorosie's Kinktober this year was INSANE. JJK in the Barbieverse?!?! Already a genius idea, but the execution was top notch. Sorin is so creative and insanely talented, October was a fabulous month thanks to her.

stress relief by @whatthefucksatan, I remember reading this when I first started getting curious about choso and this piece right here fully converted me into a choso girlie, and I haven't looked back since. ☺️

I love all of @jadeee's work but right now, I'm thinking about Coworker!Nanami! this one had me giggling and kicking my feet up in the air. The fortune teller got me, GOT ME GOOD. this is so so cute.

she misses me by @mrsackermannx. boyfriend!Ino, BOYFRIEND!INO!!! there's phone sex and the sweetest boyfriend ever calling us a little needy puppy, of course I'm obsessed with this! had me barking when I read it a few months ago, and I still am now.

bites n' scratches by @demonwoman is the last fic I read in 2023 and it truly ended the year with a bang. guard dog kishibe and black cat reader, I love this concept!! it's relatable, endearing, and very sweet.

open tags to whoever wants to participate! ♥️

「 FANFIC WRAPPED GAME 」

to show our appreciation and love for the fics we have binged and read again and again this year! 🎉🍾🩷

| recommend anywhere between 1 to 10 fics/one shots/drabbles in no particular order that have made your year special! <3 |

feel free to tag to AO3 or tumblr users/posts unless the writer states otherwise !

tagging (open also to anyone who wants to participate! <33): @sixpennydame @vampyrsm @daisynik7 @meownotgood @romantichomicide95 @pinkkittysaw @princess-okkotsu @strawberrystepmom @saenora @novasatoru @nkogneatho @fangirlings-world @c-h-e-r-r-i-e-s @this-is-still-mia <3

MY 2023 LINEUP…

1: levi/reader: north star by @sixpennydame

2: choso/reader: blood in the water by @teekonscurse

3: itadori/megumi: first love, late spring by city boys

4: choso/reader: show me how by therapy_placebo

5: levi/reader better man by @sixpennydame

6: gojo/reader: violet lights by @septembersummer

7: sukuna/reader cor unum by @vampyrsm

8: gojo/reader (tw cnc with gojo) shot by @princess-okkotsu

9: ino/reader do you like scary movies? shot by @daisynik7

10: aki/reader: under the influence by @meownotgood

[buckys-dollface]

The Oracle [B.B.]

Pairing ● Bucky Barnes and Witch!reader

Summary ●The Avengers meet one of the newest recruits at one of Tony’s infamous parties. She isn't quite what they expected especially when she sees a vision of her and Bucky's future.

Warnings ● Anxious!reader, fluff, mentions of past trauma, puns, an assemble cast (it's like Friends but better), alcohol consumption, use of alcohol to calm one’s nerves, a typical meet-cute and soulmates trope because I am an actual whore for that

A/N ● Requests are open!

When Wanda described the Avengers Tower to you, you never in a million years you would step foot in it. You also never thought in a million years you would become an Avenger. It’s funny how life works out that way in the most unexpected ways. Usually, when Tony throws parties, it would be for charitable events or celebrating a massive accomplishment he achieved. Tonight, on the other hand, he was celebrating all the new recruits, yourself included.

“Ya know this is a mistake.” You whispered to Wanda as you both stood in the elevator waiting to reach your floor. She huffed out a breath and playfully rolled her eyes.

“Now, why do you say that?” She insisted, her attention and focus being set on you.

“I don’t know. I just feel unqualified compared to people like Thor and fucking Captain America, who are now my colleagues, by the way.” You reminded her justly. You always underestimate yourself. It was a simple fact, and doubt dwelled in your soul as your nerves flared.

Wanda shook her has slightly. “Stop that, Y/N. Why do you do this?” Her tone filled with disdain.

“Do what?” You asked, your tone almost on the verge between combative and facetious.

“Doubt yourself. You’re worthy enough of being here and if you’re concerned you’re not, just ask Thor.” Wanda teased. You heard the faint ding! from the opening of the elevator doors as she strode out with ease. She gave you a wink and your face turned bright red in anger.

Is she fucking kidding me?

You were almost positive steam was blowing through your ears like a whistling teapot.

“Are you trying to be funny Maximoff?” A beat passes, with distant giggles being heard on the other end of hall.

“Get back here!” You screamed, as you marched behind her, in a rush fueled by frustration. Your vision tunneled as it focused on the the snarky redhead you wanted to catch in your clutches. Without noticing, you felt a strong hand halt you from moving any further, before you looked up you could sense his presence. Tony fucking Stark. Genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist.

God, good going.

“Woah, kid. You’re gonna blow a fuse.” He remarked, as you locked eyes with his. This wasn’t the first time you had met Mr. Stark. You had the fortunate opportunity to go out to lunch on SHIELD’s dime with him and Director Fury.

“So you’re an observer?”

“You can say I have a nack for seeing things others are too blind to notice.”

A grin was realized on his face as your emotions were settling down. A deep sigh was released. Like Banner, he didn’t want to be on the receiving end of your rage. “Oh, Mr. Stark!” You could feel your hands clutched to his chest. Immediately, you moved them, panic overseeing you.

“Tony, please.” You chuckled as you rubbed the back of your neck.

“I see why Wanda and Pietro recommended you. You look very nice this evening.” A small smile began to reside on your lips. You weren’t sure if he talking about your magical abilities or you being quick to anger, but you weren’t going to ask. You glanced down at your attire for the evening. You didn’t want to overdress for tonight but you wanted to look impressive. You wanted to be impressive.

Especially because it seemed at the most inopportune time, your powers were on the fritz. You weren't getting clear messages and it made your mind feel like it was filled with white noise. You tried to weed through the smoke and haze, sorting through many failed attempts grasping at straws for something. Anything.

“Thank you Mr. Star- Tony.” You stuttered as he lead the way to the common area.

“Don’t be nervous, alright. It’s not like you’re attending one of my galas. This is going to super lowkey celebration, before you and others have start putting in the hard work.” He advised as both of you stepped in the common area. You noticed an elongated bar, pool tables, chase lounges, and a picturesque view of Manhattan. It was exquisitely rich. That’s the only word you could think of, you admired all the partygoers. Most of them you recognized from TV and were astonished to see before you. Flashes of images passed through your visions and whispers filled your ears: “He is awaiting.”

"Yes sir." You nodded your head, almost a little dazed by the stimulation. It was jumbled, your thoughts and what was incoming and outgoing. You continued to follow Tony’s lead, your steps trailing weakly behind him.

"Hey Nat! Get one of our newest recruits one of your signature drinks." She nodded her head as she playfully rolled her eyes. Within a flash, Tony was gone, set to mingle with other Avengers, your eyes peered up at the intimidating red head assassin before you. You could yourself audibly gulp as you gathered the courage to speak to her.

"Uh- so your the bartender tonight, Agent Romanoff?" You offered, as she shook a cocktail and strained it over ice.

"Of sorts," Nat chuckled, you could see her pouring a few different choice fruit juices and rum. "So, what's your story? Wanda was telling me about you briefly."

“Well, I’m an oracle.” Nat squinted her eyes and tweaked her head. You heard a small huh leave her lips.

“You’re of great power, milady!” A firm pat was felt on your back, it felt like it almost shot lighting through your spine. Your eyes widened as Thor embraced you in a bear hug.

Holy shit it’s the God of Thunder.

“Oh my God.” You muttered as you struggled to breathe.

“Why yes I am, I’m Thor.” He exclaimed as he released you. Your face was the definition of frazzled. You felt like you were on an episode of Punk’d and where the hell is Wanda when you need her?

“Oh I know.” You chuckled, your eyes never left Thor’s. You felt this strange aura over you, despite your anxiety over meeting a God and an assassin. And those are now your coworkers! You did you best to pinpoint it. You felt lost and insecurity overwhelm you, but vengeance and destruction tried to mask it over. The feeling overtook you almost as everything in the present escaped you. It took Thor to snap his fingers to help regain your focus to the here and now, “You are Wanda’s friend, yes?” You nodded quickly, “You can predict the future.” His eyes brightened.

“Nonsense.” Loki intruded. His tone very assertive and sure of himself.

Of course. You fucking knew it.

“If this Midgardan can predict the future, settle a bet. Who really becomes King of Asgard?” He gestured between Thor and himself and all you could do was huff as you chug the rest of your cocktail. “You got anything stronger than this, Nat?” She nodded her and went to work.

“Oh I do!” Thor offered as he pulled out a pint of Asgardian ale. “Just a sip, don’t need ya to get too fuzzy headed.” He advised you as he offered his bottle that was toted in a woven leather case. You were hesitate. Typically you wouldn’t turn to alcohol to relieve your issues but with your anxiety and how jumbled your mind was, you didn’t see another choice available at the moment. This was a one time thing, you reminded yourself.

“Too late.” You snickered as you took a swig, you wanted to take more but heeded his warning. You weren’t ready to find out the hard way of what Asgardian ale could do to you or how you would receive your visions.

“Steve, I don’t want to do this.” Bucky whined as he entered Steve’s bedroom. Steve looked up and noticed his best friend’s droopy expression and couldn’t help but laugh.

“Why not?” He asked as he finished buttoning up his shirt.

“Because first of all, I’m not the smooth talker that dames went after in the 1940s still.” He insisted. It made Bucky nervous, the status of being an avenger was overwhelmingly a lot. He likes to hypothesize that before Hydra he could handle it, but afterwards? With the trauma, nightmares and insecurity? Not a chance. It weighed on his shoulders and was a constant reminder, especially during events like this.

“You’re still Bucky.” Steve stated, as he looked Bucky directly in the eye “And besides, it’s just a meet and greet for the new recruits. They will be way more nervous than you.”

Bucky shrugged and sighed at the statement. Of course, Stevie had to say that. He was his best pal after all.

“C’mon, please.” Steve begged. “Fine. Since you begged and pleaded for my presence, I’ll go, but it doesn’t mean I’ll like it.” He complied, his tone filled with aggravation.

“That’s the spirit!” Steve cheered as he patted his best friend on the back. Bucky rolled his eyes. He really deserved a freaking drink.

“Whatever Captain.”

Both boys arrived at Tony’s soirée, it wouldn’t be honestly to say they were both excited but it would be interesting to see and meet the new recruits. By the time, they had arrived you were definitely on the more calmer side, thanks to Thor’s Asgardian ale. Thor, Nat, Wanda and you were all sitting on the chase lounges discussing your abilities when both Steve and Bucky approached you.

“So you can foresee the future?” Nat asked, intrigued as her chin rested on the palm of her open hand. Her legs were crossed and she gazed at you with patient intent.

“Yeah, I can. Don’t tell the boss this, but I’ve been having a hard time honing in and pinpointing my visions better. I’m not sure exactly what’s going on.”

“Don’t tell the boss what?” Steve interjected, making his appearance known to the group.

“Oh, nothing Steve! One of your newest recruits is being a pessimist again. I’ve seen her in action. She’s super talented, trust me.”

“I do, Wanda.” A beat passes, as his focus shifted to you. You could swear you could hear yourself audibly gulp. Vomiting seems like a valid solution to the bubbling restlessness in your stomach but if you vomited on Captain America, you would might as well evaporate forever. “Hi, I’m Steve Rogers.” He extended his hand out towards you. You took it in good conscience as you attempted to hold it together.

“Nice to meet you Captain.” You replied meekly.

“Oh, and this is Sergeant Barnes. But you can call him Bucky.” Bucky trailed behind him and peered up at you. His eyes soften just briefly as he took in your form. You were breathtaking. Your face contorted as you tried to gather your thoughts. The brooding super soldier you once only read about and saw on TV screen didn’t seem as intimidating as he usually was.

You heard a voice, small in the back of your mind. Beckoning for your attention, “God you leave me breathless", whisper almost in your ear it seemed. A shiver was felt slithering down your spine.

“What’s that look for?” Bucky quipped as a smirk appeared on his face.

You made eye contact with his sea blue irises. “Oh nothing, just trying to read your mind, oh mysterious one.” You jested as you gleamed up at the brunette super-soldier. His slight smirk dissipated.

“Please don’t.” He mumbled as he stared down at his feet which seemed a lot more enjoyable at the moment. Anxiety swelled over him. You nodded understandingly, not wanting to scare Bucky off. You knew Bucky used to be under Hydra’s control and you didn’t want to feel like you were also contributing to the loss of his autonomy. 

“Ah Buck, she’s just messin." Steve paused for a brief moment as a flash on concern was seen on his face. "Right?”

“Right, Steve." You giggled at the concern. It made sense why Wanda picked you as a recruit. You had an alluring presence that was almost haunting. It was riveting for Bucky to wrap his mind around that someone like you existed so simply. He was just getting used to being back in the 21st century. Add magic?

It’s like The Hobbit come to life, and Bucky wasn’t sure if he was prepared with confirming that was possible.

“I’m sorry if I worried you, Bucky.” You whispered, your voice laced with sincerity. He chuckled at your apology. Bucky knew you didn't mean it and he needed to be more open-minded to that.

“Hey, doll. It’s okay.” His fingers caressed your shoulder. You felt a shock flare into your nervous system. Flashes of visions came bright and bold like daydreams. They weren’t disheveled or rushed like before, it was clear and crisp much like watching a film before your eyes. You were seeing your future, with him.

“Here ya go doll, gotta protect that pretty little head.” The brunette super soldier, Bucky Barnes, was fastening a helmet to your head. You were perched up in the back of his motorcycle. Bucky always says you were meant to be on the back of his bike, arms laced around his waist , exploring the world. He knocked on it twice to make sure it was secure. Or that’s what he always told you, “Can’t have this flying anywhere. Don’t know what I would do.” He leaned down to kiss the tip of your nose. You hummed in adoration.

“Thank you, Mr. Barnes.” A grin spread across your lips. How could you have gotten so lucky?

“Of course, Mrs. Barnes.” You glanced down at the diamond ring on your left hand. It was gleaming in the Hawaii sun rays. It was breathtaking. You giggled, hearing your new last name filled you with pride and happiness. “God I don’t think I’m gonna get used to that.” You whispered.

“Oh really? Can’t believe my blushing bride has become my dazzling wife. You’re so perfect, sweetheart. Don’t think I can get enough of you.” Bucky captivated you in a sensual kiss that made it feel as if time stood still. He carressed your cheek and you felt light kisses being peppered on your face. You hummed

“You’re such a flirt, Mr. Barnes.”

“Only for you, Mrs. Barnes.”

Your knees buckled and as if on instinct Bucky went to brace you from your fall. You tucked your body into him. “Hey, hey. You alright, doll?”

“Oh. My. God.” You felt yourself panting, trying to regain your composure. “I can’t believe it.” You mumbled against his chest.

Your body tensed against his hold. You looked up into his crystalline blue eyes and wanted to dive right in. His eyebrow quirked up questioning the nonsense you were muttering, as if you were possessed you crashed your lips into his. Bucky's eyes widen in shock at your movements. He barely knew your name let alone who you were, but it didnt seem like he really care. Since he met you saw an ease, a comfort in you, and as terrifying as it was, he wanted to embrace it undoubtedly. He didn't understand why. You just seemed so tempting to not brush away.

After a few moments, which felt like an eternity, you came to your sense and pushed away. Your lips felt like they were tingling.

"I'm-I'm so sorry." You whispered, your body begun to shake. Before Bucky could muster a response, your eyes darted to his and to the crowded forming around you both, gawking and whispering. You dashed without a moment's notice, trying to save yourself the embarrassment.

Bucky stood there, motionless. He wanted to chase after you, but he remembered truly and beyond anything else, you didn't know you. He wanted to though. With a kiss like that, it sealed a thousand fates and ignored all the resenting notions in his mind telling him to let you go. He decided to chase the beautiful stranger to the ends of the earth.

He gave Steve a look, one only they would understand the language behind. "Alright, carry on now and that's an order." Immediately almost, it seemed everyone went on with their business.

Bucky gave Steve a nod of gratitude as he slipped out the back. He was going to find you.

You felt everything. Your abilites seemed almost super charged as your rushed out of Stark Tower in the rain. Bucky? Your soulmate? You had never had a vision of yourself before this impactful. It scared you. You were attempting to hail a cab when you heard him call out to you.

"Doll!" The rain was sputtering due to the high winds and his cheeks were rosy red from running to find you. You could hear him panting as his eyes gleamed once they met yours.

"Hi, Bucky. I'm so incredibly sorry." You were frantic as you words were tumbling out as your nerves were racing. “Don’t be.” He mumbled as he crashed his lips on to yours again. Bucky relished in the fact he was tasting you again. He thought for a moment he never would. It was a revelation in the highest degree.

Once you both broke for air, you questioned, “Why did you do that?”

“Because I’m trusting my gut for once, and my gut said to run after you so I’m listening.” He breathed against your lips. You chuckled, and Bucky quirked his eyebrow. “You’re not gonna believe this-“

“Try me.”

“I saw a vision, a vision of us, of our future.” You stated.

“You did?”

“Yeah, I’m a witch, an oracle, I foresee people’s future and give prophetic insight, among other things.” You explained. Bucky nodded along to you. “What did you see?” He needed to know, he couldn’t take the curiosity anymore, it was killing him.

“Are you sure you wanna know?” You were hesitant, you really liked Bucky but telling him everything you saw? Oh, that was going to screw it up.

“After you kissed me like that? Yeah I kinda wanna know, doll.” You giggled at his persistence, he was charming, that’s for sure.

“Well, it was a vision of our honeymoon,” Bucky’s eyes widen. You could see the raindrops rivet down his cheeks. His breath picked up. “Our honeymoon?”

“Yeah, I don’t want this was thing to intimidate you Bucky. I don’t want to feel like you have to be with me.” You insisted. But Bucky didn’t feel intimidated he relished in your happiness. He was ready to embrace the idea of you. “What else did you see?”

“Well we were in Hawaii for our honeymoon, and I was on the back on your motorcycle. We were flirting and making out before we started to explore. I couldn’t get over the fact of happy I was married to you and you felt the same way. Being called Mrs. Barnes made me feel all fluttery on top of seeing my wedding ring. It felt so real and I loved that. Even though I realize at this moment I really don’t know you that well at all, but I want to especially if that’s what I have to look forward to. And if that’s what you want to of course.” You explained, your gaze never leaving his.

“So that’s what our future is going to be like? You, as my beautiful bride, on the back of my Harley?” You nodded. “Well I suggest we should get a jump start on getting to know each other.” He took your hand in yours, and a wide smile spread across your lips.

“So are you free tomorrow night?”

Tagged: @writing-for-marvel, @gutflorizt, @mugi-chwan95

[whiteqnn]

Pairing: Corpse Husband x Fem! Reader

Summary: Sean invites one of his good friends - Y/N - to play with him and the group. She has a lot of fun with them, but at the same time is too oblivious, too nice, and too pure to notice that one particular Among Us player has taken a liking to her the moment he heard her voice...

Notes: Hello everyone! This is the very first time I’m publishing something bigger in here, I’m honestly still figuring out how Tumblr works, even though I’ve had this account for quite some time now 😅. That being said, please don’t expect anything super impressive. I tried my best though just so you know. 🥺

A/N- It didn’t turn out as I expected, but I really hope at least some of you find it enjoyable :(

Y/C/N - your channel name

part 2

part 3 

part 4 

part 5 

PURE [1]

“Did you guys find anybody?” Felix asked, as the number of players still showed just 7 of them. They could just start now, but the game would be way more fun with a full lobby. 

“Yeah, Lily’s joining. I just texted her the code, so she should be here at any moment.” Sykkuno replied after receiving a text message from the said girl. “Oh, and Corpse also said he’d be joining soon.” 

“Great. Anyone else?”

 “I think Jack was also bringing someone, right?” Dave asked.

“Huh? Oh yeah, I have one coming, she’ll join us in a few” the asked man replied at the same moment Lily’s character appeared in the lobby. 

“Who you’re bringing Jack?” 

“Y/N” he said, causing Felix to gasp in shock and yell into his mic:

“How the fuck did you manage to convince her? I’ve been bugging her about this game for the past week and she always had some excuse!” 

“What can I say, my charm is irresistible” Jack replied nonchalantly, causing everyone in the lobby to laugh at his fake deep voice.

The number of participants changed to 9, as a little black astronaut with horns on his helmet appeared in the lobby. 

“Corpse, you’re here!” Rae’s character ran up to the man, circling him excitedly. 

“Hey man!”

“What’s up, Corpse?”

“Hello everyone” his deep voice sounded out “Sorry to keep you waiting.”

“All good man, we’re still waiting for one person.” Felix reassured him “Sean, why is she not here yet? Are you sure you’ve sent her the right code?”

“Of course I am!” he all but shouted at Felix “And about that, she just texted me to give her a few more minutes and that we should start without her.”

“We can just wait, right?” Lily offered, earning a few hums of approval from the others.

“I think it might take a little longer than a few minutes, she has some problems with her microphone.”

“Who are you guys talking about?” Corpse asked, completely unaware of who Jack was referring to.

“Wait, Jack, you mean Y/N from Y/C/N?” Sykkuno asked suddenly, only then realizing why this name sounded familiar

“Yeah, the one and only” Jack replied, a smile evident in his voice.

“Oh my god, I love her videos!” Rae exclaimed at that “She’s so funny and sweet!”

“Yeah! Her new video is so freaking cute, I wish she’d upload more often.” Poki agreed. 

“Right?” Jack said, clearly very proud of his friend. “But don’t let that sweet demeanor fool you guys cause she’s one of the best players I’ve encountered in this game.”

“That’s true, she’s a secret big brain genius” Toast confirmed, making Pewdiepie gasp once again. 

“wHAT??YOU TWO PLAYED WITH HER?!” Felix’s offended voice boomed through everyone’s headphones “HOW DARE YOU. HOW COULD YOU NOT INVITE ME?!” 

“That’s for not inviting me to your latest Cringe episode!” Jack was quick to respond, making others in the lobby laugh at their mini fight. 

“Oh, so that’s where I recognized her from!” Sykkuno nearly shouted when he finally put two and two together. “I can’t wait to meet her, she seems like a really nice person.”

“She is! When she got impostor for the first time she refused to kill me” Toast explained, earning himself a couple of Aww’s from his friends. “So we just ran around the emergency button until I called the meeting and voted her off.”

“Yeah, only to be her first victim in the next game.” Jack all but giggled, clearly very amused at the memory of Y/N going into a full berserk mode. No one except for him and Toast knew how good she really was at this game... 

“She’s basically the wolf in sheep’s skin” Felix concluded with a chuckle “Very soft wolf, however.”

“She’s like the complete opposite of Corpse, both in voice and personality” Jack suddenly said, making Felix laugh wholeheartedly at something only two of them understood at the moment. 

“I don’t know how should I take that” Corpse admitted with a chuckle. He remained silent for most of the conversation since he didn’t really know who the guys were talking about. But he would lie if he said he wasn’t intrigued by this girl at least in the slightest. Although he heard about her channel, he hasn’t seen any of her videos, so he didn’t really know what to expect. But hearing what gamers like Sean and Felix said about her, he knew he’s not gonna be disappointed once the girl joins them in the game. 

“Imagine Corpse and Y/N talking.” Felix said suddenly with a seemingly very amused voice.

“Imagine Corpse and Y/N both being Impostors” Toast said, which resulted in many of them shouting over each other at how crazy that would be. 

“Alright, now that you mention this I start fearing the moment two of them meet” Jack confessed with loud laughter following the sentence. Corpse chuckled deeply under his breath, at the same time glancing at the questions his audience was asking him in his stream. He could hardly read any, as there were quite a lot of people asking, so all he saw was just a bunch of comments moving at the speed of light in his chat. He wouldn't say it out loud, but he was slightly nervous, seeing the growing number of people watching his stream. It was still a rather new thing to him, and he feared he'd say something inappropriate, or just make a complete idiot out of himself. 

"At least no one can see me..." he mumbled under his breath after muting his microphone. 

"Oh! Y/N just texted me! She's joining the call right now!" 

"Fuck yeah!" Felix shouted excitedly "Just so you know Jack, I won't forget that you two played without me."

"Uh-oh. Is that a threat? Are you threatening me now?" 

"It's a warning" Felix replied, receiving a series of gasps from other players. "If I get impostor, you're the first one on my list."

"Okay, everyone heard that! You know who to vote off when I'm dead!" 

"It's so cool to play with someone new, I wonder if she's as good as you guys depict her" Sykkuno spoke up, but before anyone could answer his question, a new character popped up in the lobby.

*** 

"Hi everyone! I’m sorry I left you just like that, but this stream would be completely useless without me being able to answer your questions. Fortunately it wasn’t anything serious, I just had to readjust my mic and go through the settings to find what was wrong. Took some time, but here I am now!” Y/N chirped into her microphone, smiling apologetically at her webcam. At the moments like this, she really appreciated how supportive her audience was. No one was hating on her when she had to get off the stream for a couple of minutes, and everyone was just so understanding that it made her heart melt. Perhaps her audience wasn’t very big, but it felt almost like a second family to her. 

“Anyway, as you already know from my twitter, today I’ll be playing Among Us with my friends and their friends! I can’t wait if I’m being honest, last time I played this game was so much fun, and there was only a few of us.” she admitted with a genuine smile on her face. “Let’s just text Sean now so we can get into the lobby...”

Y/N: Ready to play with you guys ^^

Jackaboy: Great! You got that mic fixed already? 

Y/N: Yes, everything is fine. I’m sorry you had to wait so long.

Jackaboy: It’s all good kiddo, no worries. I’ll call you and send you the code in a sec. 

Y/N: Perfect, thank you Sean :)

Jackaboy: Btw, everyone can’t wait to meet you ;-)Y/N stared at the screen for a moment, only now, seconds before joining the group, realizing how nervous she felt. From Sean’s tweets she saw earlier, she figured that the lobby was right now full of many famous streamers, those she wouldn’t even compare herself to. It’s not that she thought of herself very low, but... being among such youtube celebrities like them made her panic a little bit. She didn’t want to look like a complete fool amongst them. 

Playing or recording with Sean and Felix was something else because she knew those guys for years (and yet still sometimes found herself thinking how lucky she got to be able to call them her friends). She felt good in their company, not worrying about choosing the right words. But amongst the rest of the players, she knew only Toast and talked with Rae maybe once in her life... 

What if the rest won’t like her? 

Y/N cleared her throat, realizing that she was still staring at her phone like hypnotized and her audience was already asking her what’s going on. She quickly typed in the code Sean had texted her and readjusted her headphones, before joining the discord chat.

“THERE SHE IS” screamed Sean, making her grin from ear to ear, hearing how excited he was “Little wonderchild!”

“I think you meant little TRAITOR” Felix corrected him with a scoff. A silence settled in the lobby as everyone was waiting for Y/N to speak up.

“Um... hello everyone..” she said softly, almost inaudibly, a sudden wave of shyness taking over her. “I’m Y/N” 

“Oh, you were right about that Corpse thing!” replied another, also very soft and very sweet voice, and Y/N saw the image of someone named Lily pop up. “It’s like the exact opposite!” 

“See? Told ya. Everyone, meet Y/N/N, the little angel from Y/C/N.” 

“Hey Y/N!”

“Hi there!”

“Hey, what’s up?”

“H-Hi, so great to meet you, Y/N!” a very friendly sounding voice said, and a little lime astronaut with the name Sykkuno above it started running around her. “Can’t wait to play with you!”

“That’s so nice, thank you” she replied with a wide smile on her face, moving around his character as well. “I can’t wait to play with you too, actually with all you guys. It’s so great to be here with you.”

“Jack I swear she’s the cutest little thing I’ve ever heard. Where the hell did you find her?!” Poki all but yelled at the man, making Y/N giggle to herself and in-process loosen up a little bit. They all seemed like someone she’d happily be friends with. 

“Or rather, where do you get one?” someone else commented, making them all burst into laughter, Y/N included. 

“Guys, what did I say about that sweet demeanor...” Jack said after calming down from his fit “Don’t put your guard down just because she sounds like that!”

“Wait- what did you tell them about me?” Y/N asked confused, the tone of her voice making him laugh even more “Jack!”

“Don’t worry, only the good stuff” a very deep, low voice spoke up, leaving her taken aback for a moment. Her eyes widened slightly and she glanced at the name of that person, reading out CORPSE. Now that’s something she didn’t expect... 

“Corpse, mind your manners! You didn’t even introduce yourself!”��

“Oh, shit- yeah, sorry. Um, I’m Corpse, it’s very nice to meet you Y/N” he replied right after, making her lip corners curl up into a smile. 

“Nice to meet you too Corpse, you have a really pleasant voice.” she spoke sweetly, completely unaware of the chaos that was taking place in her stream chat. She didn’t even think of it the way her audience did, she just simply spoke up her mind, and being an incredibly nice person - turned it into a compliment.

“Oh- wow. I mean, thank you so much. I love your voice too, it’s really sweet” he replied, nervously chuckling at the end, before muting his mic. It was, however, enough for Felix and Sean to start teasing him, as the two immediately screamed:

“SIIIMP!!!”

“It’s the voice Felix, I told you he’d fall into her trap!” 

“Wait- he was just being nice, guys! Stop making fun of him” Y/N immediately defended the man, trying to speak up over the hysterical laughter of the other players. 

“Oh my god, but what if they both get impostors and they both pull the voice cards on us?!” Rae managed to yell through all the noise, making Y/N even more confused.

“Wait, what? What do you mean? I don’t understand.” 

“Don’t worry Y/N, that’s how I feel all the time around them.” Sykkuno seemed to be the only one who heard her question, as the rest continued their gabbing without giving her as much as a glance. 

“Alright, let’s start the game maybe. I might have a few old scores to settle” Toast cleared his throat theatrically, his astronaut coming face to face with Y/N’s. 

“Oh, you mean me? I thought I already apologized!” she replied frantically. “You gave me no choice Toast, I didn’t even want to kill you in the first place...”

“BUT YOU DID. IN THE VERY FIRST ROUND” 

“I’m sorry!” 

“Alright, enough! Toast, just don’t kill her right away, okay? Let her run around the map, fearing for her life for a moment.” Y/N gasped upon hearing Jack’s words, clearly sensing the smirk behind his voice. 

“Wha- Jack?! Since when are you against me?!” 

“Don’t worry Y/N, I won’t let them hurt you. You haven’t played with us yet, I’ll protect you.” 

“Oh, thank you so much Sykkuno! I’ll protect you too!” 

“Great. Another one simping...” was Felix’s last words, before the game began. 

Y/N sighed in relief upon seeing the word crewmate forming on her screen, but at the same time feared Toast’s inevitable revenge. She thought they'd already buried the hatchet, but it seemed that he was desperate to make her pay for the last time they played together. 

“Aw, Sykkuno was serious” she mumbled with a smile, when his lime astronaut started circling her white one, so she would follow him. “Okay, let’s do some tasks.”

They both made their way towards the medbay, Sykkuno patiently waiting nearby as she did the scan, then Y/N waiting for him to do the same. The moment his little character stepped towards her, a meeting was called by none other than Felix.

“What happened?” Rae asked.

“I called the meeting because I’m afraid of Jack” he responded, causing everyone to laugh. “Seriously though! Dude’s been following me around the whole time.”

“I was just making sure nobody kills you.”

“Yeah don’t go all Sykkuno on me!” Felix screamed, making the call erupt into even more laughter. 

“Alright, are we skipping?” 

“Yeah.”

“Guys, my life is in danger!” Felix wouldn’t give up. “Come on, show some support! Y/N? You played with him, you know his techniques!” 

“Sorry Felix” Y/N giggled, clicking the skip button. 

When the next round began, Sykkuno was quick to join Y/N on her way towards admin, where they both found Poki doing the upload. They did the card swipe and left her there, when the lights suddenly went off.

“Uh-oh. Let’s head the opposite direction, Sykkuno” the girl murmured, dancing around his character and heading towards Comms instead of going to Electrical. It was the easiest way to die, after all. 

Once they entered the room and waited for someone to fix the lights, Y/N could see another figure appear in the same location. She couldn’t recognize whose character it was, but upon seeing the horns on the helmet she smiled to herself.

“Hey there, Corpse” she said, walking up to the black astronaut, who was standing still in the same place as if he was just watching her and Sykkuno run around Comms instead of doing their tasks. 

They stood like that for a couple of seconds until Corpse turned around and ran away, and that’s when the first body was reported. 

“Oh no, Jack!” 

“Poor guy. He’s gonna haunt us now.”

“Where’s the body?” 

“Navigation” replied Rae, who was the one to find Sean’s green astronauts’ body “Didn’t see anyone around, but I’m pretty sure someone just vented right in front of my eyes...”

“Any suspicions?” Toast asked.

“Um, not really sure, it was the exact same moment the lights went off. I was doing tasks with Jack and then he just died. I only saw the vent close, nothing or no one else.”

“Okay, where are you guys right now?” 

“I’m in admin with Dave, we only passed Poki when we got there.” Lily’s voice sounded out, quickly being joined by Poki’s explanation.

“Yeah, I was finishing the upload when you guys came in, Y/N and Sykkuno saw it”

“Did you see her?” Toast asked, addressing his question towards the white and lime astronauts. 

“Yes, we were doing the card swipe before going to Comms. Corpse joined us for a moment and then left.”

“Yeah, I was on my way to fix the lights when I stumbled upon them in Comms, the body was reported the exact moment I left.”

“Can someone confirm this? I mean, did someone see you besides the two of them?” Toast continued his questioning. 

“I think I only saw Felix in Medbay.”

“Hmm, so no one really knows where you were this whole time. You could easily lure Jack into Navigation and kill him there. Is that what you did, Corpse?”

“Woah, that’s some serious accusation” Corpse replied in his usual, low and calm voice. “Where were you Toast? You seem the only one who still doesn’t have an alibi”

“Neither does Felix.” Y/N spoke innocently, and the mentioned man quickly started his explanation.

“Okay, I was with Jack at the beginning but he clearly can’t confirm this since someone snapped his fucking neck. We’ve split up in O2 after doing our tasks and then he must’ve gone with Rae. I just wandered around the map, escaping from the death.”

“Hmm, so not only were you one of the last people to see him alive, but you also admit to not doing your tasks” Y/N said, trying her best to keep her voice steady and stop herself from laughing. She was sure Sykkuno was doing the same thing, they both refused to do any tasks after the lights went off, after all.

“Yeah, but does that already makes me an Imposter? I’m just scared for my life, that’s all.”

“Y/N has some good logic, but I’m not really sure it’s Pewds. I mean, I saw him in Medbay and he really seemed to be just jogging around.” Corpse said, his voice almost immediately doing its magic, as people more or less willingly agreed to skip this round as well. 

“I think it’s Felix. I mean, I haven’t played with him yet, but I have this feeling that he’s just acting.” Y/N said to her chat after muting herself. She went towards Weapons to do another task, seeing Sykkuno’s little character follow her once again, but the doors were suddenly locked and his lime astronaut remained in Cafeteria. “Oh no, Sykkuno” she sighed with a pout on her face, deciding against waiting for him and risking getting her neck snapped. She finished her task in Weapons and moved towards another location, when suddenly Corpse appeared in front of her, coming right out of nowhere. 

“Oh- Corpse, you scared me to death” Y/N breathed a laugh, watching as his character stood still for a couple of seconds, before circling around her white astronaut. Y/N nodded her head with a smile, even though he couldn’t see her, and followed him in Shields, where they found Poki’s dead body. 

“The body is in Shields” Y/N replied right after reporting the body, only to gasp in shock when she realized more than one person was killed. Red crosses decorated not only Poki’s name but were also visible next to Dave and Lily. 

“What the hell?!” Felix all but yelled into his mic, obviously shocked just like everyone else who was still alive. 

“Now that’s... a lot of bodies” Sykkuno mumbled under his breath. 

“Alright, who’s in Shields? Y/N, you said you found the body there, which one?”

“Poki’s, Corpse was there with me” her reply was followed by his short and low hum. 

“Sykkuno, where are you? I didn’t see you anywhere since the last round.” Felix asked, clearly accusing the lime astronaut of being a murderer. 

“I was... doing the wires in electrical, Toast was there for a moment as well.”

“Yeah but I was only searching for the body, so I saw you maybe for a second” Toast replied, building even more suspicions around Sykkuno.

“But- guys, you know I wouldn’t kill two people in one round, let alone four of them.”

“No one says you did that, I only mentioned that you were nowhere to be seen. You could’ve been sabotaging the map for the other Impostor” Felix said nonchalantly.

“Guys, I-”

“It’s him! It must be him!” Rae shouted through her mic. 

“Sykkuno is 100% innocent, I can vouch for him” Y/N’s voice sounded out in everyone’s headphones “We were together since the start of the game and he didn’t kill me, even though he had quite a number of chances to do so.”

“Weren’t you with Corpse this time?” Felix asked suspiciously.

“I was! But at the beginning, I was with Sykkuno, until someone locked him in Cafeteria. That’s when we split up.”

“And you haven’t seen him ever since?”

“Well, no, but-”

“Then I can assure you it was only a matter of time before he’d stab you in the back” Toast concluded, making Sykkuno gasp in confusion.

“Wha- No, I would never do that! Y/N is our guest, I was just making sure she was okay!”

“Sykkuno, simping won’t save your life right now” 

“Wha- I- Guys!” he tried to stutter out some logical explanation “Y/N, don’t believe them!”

“I don’t, I know you’re innocent! C’mon guys, he wouldn’t do it!” 

“Yeah yeah, let’s kick him out. Corpse, who are you voting?” Toast asked, and Y/N could see the I voted sign next to his character. 

“I kinda feel like Felix tries to shift the blame onto Sykkuno. He didn’t even tell his location, and was already throwing accusations on someone else.” Corpse replied after a moment, making the smile widen on Y/N’s face. Someone was finally on her side! 

“That’s because he can’t even explain himself!” Felix exclaimed, voting as well. 

“Besides, I’m pretty sure if it wasn’t for whoever locked that door, Y/N would be dead as well!” 

“No, I told you I-!”

“Guys, we have ten seconds to vote. Rae?” 

“I think it’s him as well. He was acting suspiciously since we started this round. I vote Sykkuno”

“But..!” 

“No, Sykkuno...” Y/N whispered with a pout on her lips, when she saw the number of people who voted for her lime friend. 

Sykkuno was ejected. 

“Alright, I’m pretty sure it’s Felix. I saw Rae multiple times and she didn’t kill me, Toast also doesn’t act very Impostor like, but maybe that’s just one of his strategies... Corpse is with me again, I don’t think that’s him, I mean, he followed me around last round, but still didn’t do anything, and even vouched for me and Sykkuno when we were both clearly chilling in comms. It can’t be him... right?” 

 Dead body reported.

 “I just saw Corpse kill Toast, then vent!” Rae’s voice blared through Y/N’s headphones, as she looked in shock at the red cross next to Toast’s name. If not him, then..?

“What?” the accused man asked calmly “That’s a self-report, she’s trying to frame me. You guys can’t possibly believe her.”

“I believe her. I saw you enter the Electrical with Toast, then he’s suddenly dead” Felix said. 

“That’s because she vented in there and killed him.”

“No! I swear, Y/N/N you have to believe me!” she directed her words towards the girl who remained silent during their discussion, processing her accusations over and over in her head. “I was fixing the wires, Toast was doing another task, and then boom! I see Corpse snapping his neck!”

“How could you see that if the lights were off?” Y/N suddenly asked, making Rae cut her own sentence off “No one went to fix them, they were off the entire round.”

Silence. 

“It’s Rae, it must be her” Corpse couldn’t help but laugh wholeheartedly at how small was the mistake which completely blew Rae’s cover. “We’re voting Rae, right Y/N?”

“No! Guys, I mean, let me explain, I-!”

Rae was ejected. 

“Now that was something I didn’t expect. I would’ve never thought it was her, I even suspected that Sykkuno might really have been the other Impostor, but now... It’s just me, Corpse, and Felix. I’m clear, clearly, so it must be one of them. And since Corpse protected me for the past few rounds, there’s no other option than...”

Her eyes suddenly widened when the realization hit her, and she quickly turned around to speed towards the emergency button. Fortunately, no one was around to stop her from calling the meeting.

“Felix.” Y/N started, trying to contain her excitement and sound seriously “Where were you when Sean was killed?”

Neither Corpse of Felix said a word, as it was probably the last question they expected her to ask. Felix cleared his throat, however, and finally replied:

“Y/N, that was literally the beginning of a game. How am I supposed to remember what I did then?”

“Well” she said nonchalantly “I, for example, clearly remember the things you said even when we were in the lobby.”

“What are you implying?” 

“Wasn’t it you, who told everyone that Sean was your number one if you get Impostor?” she asked with a wicked smile on her face. Felix was dumbfounded, he obviously didn’t expect her to pull that card on him, hell, he didn’t even know how she knew about it since she wasn’t even in the call at the time. 

“FELIX” Corpse suddenly broke the silence, simultaneously breaking the said man from his train of thoughts. 

“Okay, first of all- YOU WEREN’T EVEN IN THE CALL WHEN I SAID THAT” he yelled through his mic, making both Y/N and Corpse laugh, as it only confirmed their suspicions. 

“See? You only proved my point.” 

“Oh, fuck’s sake- I was just joking okay?!” he tried to defend himself, but hearing how he couldn’t even contain his own laughter anymore, it was clear he already accepted the defeat. “It wasn’t serious, god damn it!” 

“You know what to do, Y/N” Corpse’s voice asked through her headphones, and surely, she knew exactly what to do.

“C’mon Y/N, that’s not fair! At least let me explain myself!” 

“Bye Felix” she said in an overly dramatic tone before Corpse voted as well. 

Soon enough, the sign VICTORY could be seen on her screen, which made her squeak and joy. This game was really fun, even though she was so scared of being killed first. 

“I knew it! I knew you would figure out it’s him! That son of a bitch who murdered me!” Jack basically yelled out, clearly very happy about the result. 

“Y/N, seriously now, how did you know I’ve said that?” Felix asked without even hiding his surprised tone.

“Let’s just say I might’ve stolen some of your viewers, Felix” she admitted, winking at her webcam, a new wave of comments landing on her chat. “Thanks guys!” 

“Okay, that is rude and not fair!” 

“It helped me win, so I’ve got nothing else to say” Y/N grinned from ear to ear, before muting herself for a moment to finally answer some of the questions from her chat, while the rest took a quick break to eat something or go to the bathroom.

She was halfway through telling the story of how she met Sean when she noticed she got a message from a private discord chat. 

CORPSE: That was really impressive :)

Y/N smiled to herself upon seeing his text and quickly typed out the answer. 

Y/N: Thanks!! I wouldn’t have done that without you though, you stood up for me and Sykkuno and all

Y/N: Also, thanks for protecting me from being murdered ^^

CORPSE: No problem, I knew you were innocent right away. 

CORPSE: Anyway, good game, Sean was right saying that you’re one of the best players

She couldn’t help the blush that arose on her cheeks, it was very sweet of him to say that, even though she didn’t actually do much except for exposing Felix. 

Y/N: I wasn’t an Impostor though, so you didn’t really see much :)

She watched the three dots beside his name, that signaled he was still texting. The chat was completely forgotten, but people seemed to quickly notice that small, shy smile on her lips, and the pink tint decoring her cheeks.

CORPSE: Okay, now I’m intrigued... 

Y/N: Maybe we’ll both be Impostors one day ^^

CORPSE: Can’t wait for that to happen.

Soon enough, they returned to the lobby to begin another game. Y/N glanced at her chat for a second, and the moment she returned her eyes to the game, her jaw basically dropped. 

IMPOSTOR was written in bold letters in the middle of the red screen, right above her name.

Corpse’s little character was standing beside her. 

[nyxx-nth]

how are you always such a genius???? share it with the rest of us i beg...

that is seriously absolutely PERFECT for how it should play out oml... i am in shambles.... you are from now on my new idea person, you have no choice *points gun* *it is very clearly a toy gun but shhh*

also, more thoughts on aspects of the au:

first of all, im thinking that before the aimee stuff maybe the band *wasnt* really well known. like, they were more of an underground sensation with a small diehard fanbase. but aimee knowing them (and LOVING them) sent them into the spotlight a bit- not like *super* famous or anything, but SIGNIFICANTLY more fame than before. enough to give them some ground in the music world. they also gain a bit of a french following from it and after ghost and aimee kinda become friends, he'll slip in some french influence or lyrics into songs from then on <3 maybe even when he learns french (cuz fuck it hes one of the girls in my heart and i want him to have female besties OKAY and i think if aimee knew he was gay she would instead want him to be her gay bestie (she's a little ignorant but her heart is in the right place)) they even have some songs entirely in french (always love a chance to put my terrible french skills to use somehow). also aimee is unfortunately straight in this au 😔 (/hj).

ALSO im thinking maybe toast and mary had something going on before the whole discourse blow up. like they started officially dating but both agreed it would be better to keep it private, at least for a while. eventually though, mary catches on before toast does that his feelings for her arent the same as hers for him, and she sits him down to talk about it. they end up agreeing to stay close friends instead. maybe she's even the one who makes toast realize how he really feels for ghost?? idk if im certain on any of this part though tbh,,, do i even want them to date in this au??? should it be before the discourse??? after??? should it be public??? private?? does toast already know how he feels for ghost??? should toast and ghost be ex lovers to boot instead of just ex friends??? mannnn i dont even know 😔😔😔

also oooo ALBUM COVERSSS you are so right. fuck, i feel like i dont have a good grasp on that at all tbh.... any ideas from you? lol. i might have to do actual research into them or smth LMAOOO i feel so out of my depth with it aur naurrr

also, about jimmy.... honestly i should write something for him lol. my specialty is sorta kinda gore and murder stuffs in writing heh,,, i like to get a bit grotesque. yet, i havent really written much of anything with him,,, probably because ghost occupies my brainspace 99.9999% of the time. but it's definitely exciting to me to add that plot into the story. i think at first it would be a background-ish thing, but as the story progresses and the toast and ghost rivalry starts to resolve itself, the jimmy and gavin plotline stuff becomes more prevalent and the focus starts to shift to the murders and them as potential victims or smth. (if you cant tell by now, i plan this to be a long story lolol. idk if i'd want it to be one long story or split into different stories tho 🤔)

i say its my specialty of sorts, but i still feel like its cringe and bad ngl LMAO. i have a fic on ao3 for a different fandom i fell out of (fortunately, an impossible feat when it comes to vt because it is always somewhere in my brain at all times always) that was a stalker and a nightshift convenience store worker and i cannot physically reread it because i feel like its all so cringeeee. i also fell out of the fandom for it RIGHT as it was getting into the murdery parts too lmao.

also adding on: Ethan Fields - Cooler Than Me. It's so Ghost fr.

Ashamed to admit that just now when Cannibal by Kesha came on my brain immediately created a celebrity au where Jimmy is a controversial music artist and a string of high profile celebrity murders been happening lately….

Oh no wait, now I’m thinking of an entire au with other chars too—

Ghost is also a musical artist, being the lead singer in a band with Spooker, Colon, and Katrina (it used to be Ghost, Toast, and Katrina but a big fallout happened before any of them rose to fame that led to Toast leaving back to England and eventually becoming a model). I imagine Katrina as bassist, Spooker on drums, and Colon on guitar. Ghost used to be drummer, and Toast guitarist and lead vocalist, but Ghost took over vocals after his departure and Colon took over for Toast, with Spooker being a very last minute addition by chance when they heard how good he was and Katrina convinced Ghost having someone else on drums would leave him more time to focus on vocals and writing. Also, I feel like all of them would sing but Ghost is the one who sings most of the songs (also he can scream crazy good and I stand by that (also it’s hot af lmao)). Colon probably had mild experience in singing but has improved a lot since then, and Spooker had NO natural or learned singing skills going into the band and is still not quite up to par with his bandmates, but he’s improved /so/ much.

Toast would probably do modeling cuz, duh. But also he writes books and a lot of people won’t give them a chance because they think he’s just a pretty face but he’s actually a talented writer of supernatural mysteries. Also, more recently he got into acting and blew up on the big screen and prefers the acting gigs because he feels like he gets to showcase more of his skills and get more appreciation for them than he got in modeling.

Gavin probably is a stunt double for Toast. Besides that, I see him probably being Jimmy’s dealer (Jimmy does copious amounts of drugs he is never not on cocaine idk what to tell u /hj). He prefers to keep out of the actual spotlight of celebrity lifestyle, and instead reap his own benefits from it in the background.

Mary. Hmmm….. I feel like she needs something that’s not like, typical spotlight celebrity. I remember a certain someone (wink wink) talking about ballerina Mary… I think that’s actually perfect. She’s a skilled and renowned ballerina, but also, I think she figure skates. And does some modeling on the side—maybe how she met Toast? I’ll have to think more on it.

[alltooreid]

Clean

As Spencer struggles to overcome his dilaudid addiction, Y/N is dealing with an addiction of her own, to her toxic, manipulative boyfriend. This is an account of a full year, following their joint journeys to sobriety and new love.

A/N: Hi!! I have another Taylor Swift inspired Spencer Reid one shot (but of course you do not need to know the song to understand the one shot). Although originally I was going to write something more fluffy, I switched to this song to write something more angsty and interesting. However, to change pace from my last one shot, this one has a much happier, hopeful ending. However, it is very triggering so please read the trigger warnings before you start. Also, if you have any songs you want to read please let me know!! Also, if you just have a general request please send it my way! Thank you so much for the love on my All Too Well one shot, I never thought my first fanfic on here would be so well received!

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Reader

Type: Angst, but hopeful angst

Word Count: 7.6K

Content Warnings: Cursing, mentally and physically abusive relationship, relationship cheating (ie, reader is being cheated on), blood and cuts description, drug addiction (these parts are kept short purposefully), lots of fighting and yelling both in reader’s relationship and between Spencer and reader, however, there is a happy and hopeful ending. Reader is struggling to get out of her toxic relationship, please no comments about her being stupid. If you are in a situation like Y/N, please don’t use this fic as a guide. Get help immediately. https://www.thehotline.org/

Things to Know: Italics and bold are flashback moments, the time and date headers serve as time skips :) let me know what you think! Please request any songs you would like to see be made one shots!

“You're still all over me Like a wine-stained dress I can't wear anymore Hung my head as I lost the war And the sky turned black like a perfect storm”

3:27 AM, April 16th, 2007.

You have known Spencer for a long time. In fact, you’ve known him longer than you’ve known Randall, and you’ve felt like you’ve known Randall your entire life.

Maybe that’s because you let him become your entire life.

Still, although you had known Spencer for 7 years, 2 years longer than the entirety of your on again, off again relationship with Randall. You still felt weird calling him. He was going through a lot right now, not that he wasn’t normally. Spencer had one of the most difficult jobs you could think of. You know Spencer has shot and killed people before, and you know every time he did it ate him up inside.

And every time he did he called you.

You also knew that Spencer is one of the kindest people you have ever met, you struggle to imagine him wielding a gun on a daily basis. He just seems too sweet, too perfect.

Yet there was a lot you didn’t know about the young genius.

You have no idea that as you stand in the street, contemplating whether you should call Spencer to come and get you, Spencer is making a difficult decision of his own. As you worry about the possibility of waking Spencer up this early in the morning, Spencer sits wide awake and ponders if he has enough time to get high before he has to leave for work in 3 hours.

As you sit on the side of the road, debating between your very few options, Spencer leads up against the side of his bathtub tears pouring down his cheeks, tears that he doesn’t even register as being there.

Fortunately for the both of you, at the same time Spencer reaches into his bag to search for that tiny glass bottle, his phone begins to ring.

“Y/N? Are you okay?”

You sigh, “He kicked me out again Spencer, is there anyway you can come get me?”

Spencer looks around his apartment, frantically hiding the belt and the needles he had gotten out for the events he was anticipating. “Yeah, of course I can come get you, um, just give me a couple minutes and send me your location.”

3:52 AM, April 16th, 2007.

You’re in the passenger’s seat of Spencer’s car, both of you sitting in silence. This situation isn’t new to either of you, Spencer has picked you up plenty of times before, in fact he’s done it for years now. One time, about 3 years into your relationship with Randall, you were permitted to go out by yourself with Spencer’s team, they wanted to meet you, apparently Spencer talked about you all the time. While you were at dinner with them, Morgan asked you if you had a car of your own. You explained that you did, but that your boyfriend had it a majority of the time, and that when he didn’t he hated you using it because you always had to mess with everything. He hates you touching his stuff. Morgan made a weird face about that answer, so you quickly followed up, explaining that you didn’t mind.

You do mind though. You hate how he never lets you touch anything or go anywhere, and you hate how much he despises your only form of transportation.

Spencer.

Randall hates everything about Spencer Reid, and he especially hates seeing his car pull into your driveway. That’s why after the 8th time he kicked you out, you started walking half a mile to the nearest gas station before calling Spencer.

The first time Spencer came to get you Randall came out to talk to you before you left.

“What are you doing? Who is this?”

“It’s Spencer, he’s gonna take me to his apartment.” you explained, confused why Randall was so angry you were leaving when he was the one who had kicked you out.

“Oh so just because I don’t want to look at your bitchass all night that means you can go sleep with another man? I knew you were a whore Y/N. You know him and his stupid fucking car aren’t going to be able to deal with you the way I can. How old is that thing anyway?”

“Randall, calm down, I’m not sleeping with Spencer. I love you, I don’t want to sleep with anyone else. But I’m not gonna sit out here all night, where else should I go?”

“Well maybe if you weren’t so quick to whore yourself out to the easiest man you could find I would invite you back inside,” he said before slamming the door in your face.

So you got in Spencer’s car, the one Randall would grow to hate so much.

“Are you okay Y/N? He didn’t hit you did he? You know you can come live with me, you should really get out of that house, I can get Morgan tomorrow and we can go get your belongings. I have plenty of-”

You snapped at him, “No Spencer he’s not hitting me! Why do you always jump to that conclusion, Randall is a great guy! I would’ve never called you if you were going to jump to conclusions like this. You’re supposed to be a genius, yet you’re acting like such a dumb ass right now.”

Spencer looked at you, and immediately you regretted your words. You knew Spencer was just worried about you and with his line of work he had reason to be. However before you could apologize he spoke again.

“I’m sorry Y/N, forget I said anything.”

You both sat in silence for a few moments before you even knew what to say, and yet all you could think of was, “Hey Spence, what kind of car do you drive?”

He smiled, “It’s a 1965 Volvo Amazon P130 122S, it’s horizon blue, that’s the color they refer to it as. Did you know they’re known as so reliable that the 4 door models are still used as police vehicles in some places. This one’s a two door, but still runs great. . . “

You smiled, how fitting a man as reliable as Spencer Reid had the perfect car to match.

When you get to Spencer’s apartment something seems off. Spencer has always lived in organized chaos, but this just feels different. Unlike his normal mess, this one feels like a blatant disregard for his things, even some of his most prized possessions. His books are strewn across the floors, his clothes overflowing from his laundry basket, which was a mix of both folded, clean, yet to be put away things and worn items. Weirdly, the one place that looks untouched is his kitchen, as if he hasn’t used it in months. And you mean that in the most literal interpretation, his counters are covered in visible, undisturbed dust.

“Thank you so much Spencer, I don’t know what I would do without you.”

He smiles, but his eyes look so tired. “Don’t worry about it Y/N.”

And at 4:47, you finally fall asleep in Spencer’s bedroom, which he insists you take, and he stays awake until he leaves for work just a few hours later.

9:33 PM, April 17th, 2007.

You leave Spencer’s apartment the following night, after an unfortunate screaming match with him. You have never seen him so angry, so easily ticked off. Yet as soon as Randall called you Spencer became aggressive.

“Yeah babe, I’ll be home as soon as I can. I’ll take a cab and be home within the hour. Of course I’m not mad at you sweetheart, I know you didn’t mean it. I love you, see you soon.”

Spencer exitted his kitchen in a huff, and opened his mouth to start talking before you spoke up.

“I’m sure you’ve overheard already, but Randall’s letting me back in the house. Thank you so much Spence. I really appreciate everything you do to help me. Call me soon please, I definitely owe you lunch,” you said, grabbing your coat and your phone, the only things you had managed to grab from your home before your unplanned eviction.

“Why do you even stay with him Y/N? Why do you keep going back there?” Spencer yelled. You had never seen him like this before, so livid and irritable.

“I love him Spence, and he loves me,” you explained, and you were telling the truth. You do love Randall, and you know that in his heart he loves you too, even if he got a little angry sometimes.

“If he loved you he wouldn’t treat you like this Y/N! Don’t you think I would know? I see this everyday! It’s my job! And yet my best friend is too stupid to realize she’s been in an abusive relationship for almost 6 years!”

You were just as angry now, “You’re wrong Spencer, I don’t wanna hear this okay? I love Randall and he loves me. We deserve each other.”

Spencer’s face softened before growing angry once more, “You have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Fuck you Spencer, I’m going home. I don’t need you and I don't need your help,” you said, grabbing your things and slamming the door open. You were lying, you need Spencer and you need his help more than anything, but you didn’t want to admit that while he was being such a dick.

“Fine!” he yelled, “Go run back to him then, but you better not call me when he kicks you out again. I don’t care anymore!”

And so you left, Spencer slammed the door behind you as you stormed out of his apartment. You didn’t stop to think about the fact that Spencer never acts like this. He has never lashed out at you, never questioned your relationship with Randall to your face, let alone scream at you and insult you because of it. You didn’t stop and think about what Spencer was on, or not on, that was making his act like this.

But you thought about it now.

You want to get home before Randall starts to get upset and suspicious, but now after your fight with Spencer you have to walk home. You couldn’t ask him to borrow cash for a cab, let alone ask him to drive you there. You were stuck walking, which also meant you were stuck with Randall’s wrath when you returned.

You already feel terrible about the way you treated Spencer. You think about going to apologize, and stand in front of the door for a second, weighing the pros and cons of doing so. Eventually, you go to turn away, ultimately deciding that you both needed to calm down before speaking to each other again.

Yet as you turn, the door opens. Spencer stands right there, strangely calm, seemingly out of it. All fury and anger you had seen just minutes before gone. In this moment he resembles Randall, and it's the first time you’ve ever been able to draw any comparison to the two.

It’s scary.

“Spencer I-” but you get cut off, not by words, but by an object. Before you can even register what was just thrown in your face the door is closed again. You duck down to grab what was thrown.

Twenty dollars.

For the cab ride home.

1:34 AM, April 23rd, 2007.

You light the final candle on your dining room table, before stepping back to admire your work. Randall always came home so late from work, so you rarely ate dinner together. But today was your anniversary, so you stayed up late, prepared his favorite meal and set up all of your fancy dinnerware so that you could have a very late dinner together before he goes to bed and you go to work. He should be home any minute now.

Yet 3 hours later Randall is not back. You’re just about to cut your losses and call it a night, and start to clean up the melted down candles and cold steak dinner as you hear your front door open.

“Y/N! What are you doing still awake?”

“Do you know what day it is Randall? Because I do.”

He looks down at his watch, checks the time, and looks back up at you, “Well it is now 3:57 AM, meaning it is now Monday. Which is why I’m curious as to what you’re still doing up sweetheart, you have to be at work in 3 hours.” “There’s something special about THIS Monday Randall,” you sigh, you’re disappointed but not surprised, this has happened for the past 3 years.

“Do you have a project going on at work baby? You know I can’t keep track of all that crap, your job is so silly and easy to lose track of. You have to remind me of these things if you actually want me to care about them.”

“It’s our anniversary Randall.”

He stops, but instead of looking guilty or remorseful (like you secretly hoped), he gets livid, “No it’s not, are you stupid or something?”

“Randall, baby it’s okay, it’s not a big deal.”

“No! You stupid fucking bitch, are you trying to make me look bad, cooking this stupid fancy dinner and staying up late. Trying to lie and act like I forgot our five year anniversary?! Stop playing the victim Y/N. So tell me, are you lying to make me feel bad, or is your brain really that fucking empty?”

“It’s our six year anniversary,” you whisper.

“What did you just say?”

“I said I was just being stupid Randall. You’re right baby, I forgot the date of our anniversary.”

He snarls. “I don’t think so Y/N, I think, actually I know that not only are you stupid, but that you’re a liar. I know that you just want to make me look bad by preparing our anniversary dinner a week early. And you have to push it by claiming we’ve been together for six years. I know it’s five. I’m not stupid.”

“I’m sorry, babe,” you cry.

“NO YOU’RE NOT!” he yells, pushing his plate of steak and mashed potatoes, letting your parent’s wedding china shatter on the ground. You cry harder. “You’re a stupid, waste of my time Y/N. Five wasted years I’ve spent on you. Do you know why I do it, huh. Do you know why I stay with you when I could have one of the beautiful, rich, successful, truthful women I’m fucking?”

You shake your head.

“It’s because I feel pity for you. No other man would want you. I’m the only one that will ever love you. You know that right Y/N?” He picks up a piece of your hair, gently tucking it behind your ear. “Tell me that I’m the only one who will love you, you know it’s the truth right?” You nod your head. In a swift motion Randall turns, grabs a glass full of red wine and chucks it at the wall, narrowly avoiding your left ear.

“I WANT TO HEAR YOU SAY IT.”

“You’re the only one who will ever love me Randall,” you croak out in between sobs.

He closes the distance between you two once more, gripping your chin and jerking your face so that your eyes meant his. It hurts, and makes you cry more, but you don’t say anything.

“Don’t you know it sweetness,” he lets go, delivers a sharp slap to your check and grips your wrist. “Now clean your mess up, and then I think it’s best if you get out of the house for a little bit, don’t you agree?”

You nod quickly. He smiles.

“Good girl, now I would normally be worried about you going to hook up with that string bean you’re always all over, but according to the last time I went through your phone, he isn’t in your recent calls. Glad to know he’s finally done with your bullshit. I’m sure a nice long walk alone will do you good. You can think about what led you to lying tonight, and then maybe you can come back in time for our real anniversary.”

He slips upstairs, so you clean up the rest of the uneaten meal and the broken wine class, cutting up your hands severely in the process. You spend at least an hour in a futile attempt to get red wine stains off of your wallpaper, before grabbing your phone and purse and running out the door.

Even after what Randall says, you still think about calling Spencer. Your thumb hovers over the call button for a minute until you switch the contact, phoning your boss instead. You inform her you need a personal day, and that it’s a family emergency.

You check the time, 6:53. Spencer is almost definitely on his way to work right now. You want to call him so bad, but the things he said you ring through your mind. You can’t ask for his help anymore.

For the first time, you are truly on your own.

Until a familiar horizon blue Volvo pulls up next to the curb you’re sitting on, and Spencer Reid sticks his head out the window.

“Y/N? What are you doing here? Get it the car, come on I’ll drive you to work with me.”

Confused as you are, this is your best option right now. So you climb into the passenger seat of his car, refusing to make eye contact with him, instead looking at your bleeding hands. “Oh my god, Y/N. You’re bleeding. Did Randall do this to you? Why didn’t you call me?”

“No, Spencer, Randall didn’t do this to me. He dropped a wine glass and I helped him pick it up. Now just drive.” And he does, drive that is. But you can feel his stares, on your cut up hands, and you forming bruises. You can feel him profiling the signs of abuse on your body.

But more than that you hate that you can feel he’s upset with you. Upset because you didn’t call him. Does he not remember screaming at you not too?

He pulls into the parking lot, parks the car and finally turns to make eye contact with you. He has tears in his, “I really wish you would’ve called me Y/N. If it’s getting this bad I want you to stay with me.”

“Spencer am I going insane?”

“Of course not, what do you mean?” he looks so gentle, so kind and you’re so confused.

“Do you remember what day me and Randall started dating?”

“Yes, it was April 23rd, 2001. 6 years ago today actually. Is that why he did this to you? Does it have anything to do with that?”

“How can you remember that but not our screaming match a week ago?” you laughed, your hands burned now, there’s definitely glass in there, you swear you can feel the tiny little shards in your blood.

“What do you mean, Y/N? We didn’t scream at each other? I haven’t even seen you in weeks. How long has he been hitting you? Why didn’t you call me sooner?”

“Spencer, on the 16th you picked me up and took me back to your apartment because Randall kicked me out. On the evening of the 17th I went to leave because Randall told me I could come home. You said I was being abused and called me stupid for going back to him. When we fought about it I stormed out and you told me not to call you if he kicked me out again because you didn’t care anymore. That’s why I didn’t call you.”

You look up at Spencer, and nearly start crying yourself when you see his crumpled face. Tears are freely spilling down his cheeks.

“I’m so sorry Y/N. I don’t remember that,” he pushes his long hair out of his face, clearly frazzled, “I- I can’t believe I don’t remember that.”

Before you can say anything, Spencer pulls out his phone. “Hey Hotch, it’s me. I can’t come in today. I need to use a personal day. . . I’ll tell you later. Okay, thank you” He angrily pulls out of the parking lot, and you can tell he’s headed back to his apartment.

“Spencer it’s okay, I’m not upset with you.”

“No Y/N, it’s not okay. I said all those terrible things to you, of course you were scared to call me after them. The worst part is I was too high to even remember it all. I- I just can’t believe I helped him do this to you,” tears still freely flowing down his face.

“Spencer what are you talking about? I was with you all day, you weren’t high. You don’t even drink, how could you be high?”

He sighs, “do you remember when I was kidnapped by that unsub, Tobias Hankel? About 2 months ago?” You nod, encouraging him to continue. “Well, I told you about his multiple personalities, how one beat me to death and then Tobias resurrected me, how  I had to kill Tobias in order to survive, even though Tobias himself did nothing to me. Well when I was in the barn, Tobias would give me drugs, dilaudid, in order to cut the pain of his other personalities’ abuse. When I killed him, I took the drugs he had one him with me, and I can’t stop Y/N. It’s affecting my life, my work, and now it’s affecting you.” He parks his car in his apartment complex’s lot and turns to look at you. “Hotch has never said anything about it, so even though the team knows I have no reason to quit, I think I do now. Y/N, I think we need to get clean together.”

Suddenly that night made sense, Spencer was irritable and strange, he wasn’t high, he was going through withdrawal. But when he threw the money at you, so loopy and out of it, he was on it. He was so high he didn’t remember the moments before.

“Spencer, I don't know what to say. I want to help you get sober, I want that more than anything, but I’m not addicted to drugs, I rarely even drink.”

“I know Y/N, you don’t have a drug problem like me, but you are an addict. You need to leave Randall. You know it, I know it, but you can’t.” You open your mouth to defend yourself, but Spencer continues to speak, “It’s okay, I understand why. But we both need to quit, and I think it’s best if we do it together.”

“Well how are we supposed to do that,” you whisper.

“Come on, let’s get started,” you and Spencer exit his car, he loops your hands together, leading you up to his apartment. When you get there, he digs through his messenger bag and grabs a couple of tiny glass bottles and a syringe. He throws them into his garbage can, and turns to look at you.

“Pull out your phone.”

“What? Why?”

“We’re going to block Randall’s number.”

You want to fight him on it, but you know he’s right. You need to leave Randall, and now’s as good of a time as any. Yet, you can’t forget the things he’s said to you. “I can’t Spencer, he’s my boyfriend, he loves me.”

“Y/N, please, please do this with me.” You shake your head, he sighs. “Okay, I get it, this is going to take time. Just, um, stay with me for a couple days. Please. We can go get your stuff tomorrow night.”

You think about rejecting Spencer’s offer, but you really don’t want to go back there. More than anything, you want to stay right here. You try to tell yourself it’s because you’re worried about Spencer, but deep down you know it’s more than that. So you nod, and Spencer wraps you in a hug, burying his head into your shoulder.

“Thank you, Y/N. Now let’s go get your hands wrapped up.”

9:21 PM, May 2nd, 2007.

You’ve been staying at Spencer’s for just over a week now. You haven’t seen Randall since your anniversary, and Spencer hasn’t taken dilaudid while you’ve been here. Things are going well. You’re watching a lot of bad reality TV, and Spencer has gone through about 7 packs of Gatorade, but you’re both doing okay.

Now you were just waiting for him to come back from his case in Idaho, you knew this one was pretty bad. They were searching for a woman in the middle of a huge forest, as she was being hunted and chased down. Spencer called you right before getting on the jet, and told you he would be home soon, so now you were just waiting for him.

While doing so however, you found something. A lump on Spencer’s side of the mattress. Under it, were two small glass bottles and a syringe. The same ones you had seen Spencer throw into the garbage days prior.

Now you need to talk to Spencer, so you sit on his couch, and wait for him to come home. When he comes through the door, he immediately sees you and smiles. “Y/N! I’ve missed you.” He hugs you, and for a second you forget why you’re even mad at him in the first place.

“Spencer, I need to talk to you. I found your bottles.” The mood in the room instantly shifts, but you don’t care, you need to get your words out. “You told me you were quitting, I watched you throw them away.”

He brushes his hairs through his hair, and begins to mess with his hands. “I am quitting Y/N, I haven't taken any, but. . .  I just need them to be there.”

“Spencer, please, throw them away. I’m trying to help you here.” Suddenly he grows very angry, and you can tell you said the wrong thing.

“Well I’m trying too. To me it seems the only one not trying is you.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“I mean, you still haven’t blocked Randall, he still calls all the time! Why do I have to throw my addiction away if you can’t even do the same to yours?”

“That's not fair.”

“How so?” he yells. “How is it that you can’t block your abusive, no good piece of shit boyfriend but I have to throw away the things I enjoy? That doesn’t feel like trying to me.”

“I’m not addicted to Randall Spencer, I just love him. I don’t want or need to quit him.”

“Oh really? Then why are you even still here? Why haven’t you answered his calls? Or gone to see him? I think you know exactly why.”

And you do. You don’t want to go back there, but what Randall says is true. He is the only one who will love you, and you’re not ready to lose that yet. You’re not ready to cut off all contact with him.

“I can leave if that’s what you want Spencer.”

His face softened, “no, that’s not what I want. That’s the last thing I want.” He stops and thinks for a moment. “If you block Randall I’ll throw away my dilaudid.”

You ponder it, “Okay.”

He breaks into a wide smile. “Really? You’ll do it?”

You smile at him.

“Yeah, I promise. I’ll block Randall.”

6:56 PM, May 30th, 2007.

You did not block Randall.

Even after watching Spencer pour out his bottles, breaking up the glass and tossing it away for a second time, you couldn’t. Even after seeing him snap his syringes in half, and feeling him kiss your forehead, after seeing how happy and excited he was for your fresh start together, you just couldn’t do it.

Spencer thought you did, and it was easy to hide the truth from him. Randall hadn’t called since then, so you and Spencer continue to spend time together, last week you celebrated one month of sobriety. You got an ice cream cake and little, silly party hats and exchanged gifts.

And it made you feel like shit.

Spencer was so happy, so proud that you had both been clean for a month, but you still couldn’t decide if you wanted to be clean at all.

You still can’t decide if you should block Randall’s number.  

You try not to think about it, instead focusing the energy into making you and Spencer virgin pina coladas, he was currently out picking up burgers from your favorite restaurant. When he returns, you were going to watch one of your crappy reality TV reruns, and then an episode of Doctor Who. It was Spencer’s idea a couple days ago, and quickly it became a regular occurrence.

Faintly over the loud whir of the blender you can hear your phone ringing. You run  quickly to go grab it, just in case Spencer needed your help with something, but your heart drops when you see the caller ID. It’s Randall, trying once again to contact you.

Your thumb hovers over the accept button, but before you can make a decision, the call times out and sends Randall to voicemail. You let out a breath and set your phone down.

But then something possesses you, and you snatch your phone and dial Randall’s number. He picks up on the 3rd ring.

“Baby, oh my god baby is that really you?”

He sounds so excited to hear from you, how could you have stayed mad at him for so long?

“Yes baby, it’s me. I’m sorry I haven’t answered your calls at all. I’ve been busy.”

“Don’t worry sweetness, I’m so so sorry for the things I said to you, I need you to come home. You missed our anniversary you know? But it’s okay! We can celebrate now! I got you a really beautiful gift, one we can definitely experiment with tonight.” You could hear his smirk over the phone.

“I’m not sure if I’m ready to come back right now, maybe later baby, but not right now.”

You hear his breathing pick up, and tense. You can tell he’s getting agitated. He wasn’t expecting you to answer like that, you always come home as soon as he tells you you can come back. “What do you mean? You’re being ridiculous, I want to see my girlfriend. I’m sure you want to get off of the streets too, you’ve been squatting for over a month now.”

“I’m not squatting Randall, I’m living with Spencer.”

“What!?” he yells. “I thought I told you not to stay with him. I hate that guy, you know that.”

“Would you rather me be on the streets Randall? Spencer’s a great guy, and I want to stay here.”

“Frankly, yes I would. But don’t worry, you can still come home. Just send me the prick’s address and I’ll come pick you up. We can enjoy tonight together.”

“No.”

“No?”

“I’m not going to send you Spencer’s address. I’m staying here. I don’t want to see you anymore. Leave me alone Randall. I’m done.”

Before he could say anything, you hung up. As you did so you heard the front door open, and Spencer made his way to the bedroom.

“Hey! I got burgers! Ready to eat?” he looks down to see your phone still resting in your hand, stuck on the phone app. “Who were you talking to?”

“Just an old friend,” you say.

“Think you’ll be talking to them again anytime soon?” you can tell he knows, and you’re surprised he isn’t lashing out at you. You’re so used to how Randall reacts when you go against his wishes, Spencer’s calm, understanding presence is like a breath of fresh air.

“No, I think I’m ready to leave them behind,” you smile at each other. “I’ll meet you in the kitchen in a sec okay?”

He nods, and goes to set up the food and TV.

It takes you seven seconds to block Randall.

1:12 AM, June 10th, 2007.

You haven’t gone out with your coworkers in months, you forgot how good it feels to just be present with people. You didn’t even drink tonight, wanting to remember every second of this time out with friends. You were beaming when you unlocked the front door.

Yet your smile slips when you enter what had become you and Spencer’s shared bedroom.

He isn’t there.

You pull out your phone to call him when you hear a thud coming from the bathroom door. You hesitate, scared of what you know you’ll likely find. When you finally throw the door open you’re already teary eyed, and these sobs escalate as soon as you see Spencer, tipped over, lying on the bathroom floor, the needle still sticking out of his arm.

You’re sobbing as you rip it out, hastily undoing the belt wrapped around his upper forearm. He looks up, even in his groggy haze you can see the guilty look in his eyes when they made contact with yours.

“Y/N. . . I- I’m so sorry. I don’t know what came over me but I just couldn’t stop myself . . . I-”

“Shhh, It’s okay, just breathe,” you whisper through your tears. “It’s going to be okay Spencer, I’m here, and it’s going to be okay. I’m staying right here.” You pull his head into your lap, stroking your shaking hands through his hair.

His head begins to shake, and you can feel his tears on your dress. You rest your head on his, and for a few seconds you just sit there, crying together.

“You’re going to be okay Spencer.”

8:09 AM, June 11th, 2007.

Your head is buried in his chest, you need to be able to hear him breathe. You need to hear his heart beating. You need to be as close to him as possible right now. He stirs as he wakes up, and wraps his arms around you. 

“I’m so sorry Y/N.”

“Don’t apologize Spencer, this is a part of recovery okay? You’re still in recovery, just because you relapsed doesn’t mean we have to start over. You’re so much stronger than you were before. So much braver. So much better. You can do this.”

He smiles at you, “thank you, thank you so much.”

“Of course, now withdrawal is going to be even harder this time. I’m going to the store. We’re going to need plenty of Gatorade and water. We have to flush everything out of your system. Do you mind if I take your car to the store?”

He beams, even in his groggy state he manages to look so perfect, “You know my car is always yours to use Y/N.”

“I’ll be back soon okay? Don’t move a muscle,” you grab his keys and head out the door. And you really do mean it, you fully intend this to be the shortest grocery trip of your life. You’re terrified of leaving Spencer alone long enough to get high again, even though you spent all day yesterday searching for drugs and throwing anything you found in the garbage, taking it out the main apartment dumpster that night. 

You get to the store, grab everything you need, 3 packs of blue Gatorade, 6 cases of water bottles, and the store’s entire stock of Jell-O and rush back to Spencer’s car. You were only in the store for 17 minutes, the majority of which was just check-out time. You smile, thinking of how excited Spencer will be when he sees all the Jell-O in the fridge, but feel your stomach drop when you see a familiar face examining Spencer’s car.

Randall. 

Before you can decide what to do, he turns and sees you. 

“Y/N! I was expecting Spencer, but this is even sweeter. I knew I recognized this hunk of junk. Where have you been?”

“I’ve been around, I’m kind of on a tight schedule here. I really need to get going,” you say as you load up your groceries into Spencer’s trunk. 

“That’s a lot of Jell-O sweetheart, you hate Jell-O.” That’s not even true. You hate pudding, you love Jell-O.

As much as you wanted to yell at him for calling you sweetheart, you couldn’t deny that it felt good. You still missed him. Blocking him helped, but you still felt strong urges to call him sometimes. “It’s not for me, it’s for Spencer.”

“I thought I told you not to stay with him anymore.”

“What part of that conversation would make you think I would listen to you?” you say.

“You should always listen to me Y/N, I’m your boyfriend.”

“I haven’t seen you in months, we’re not dating anymore. I’m done.”

“You don’t mean that you’re just being irrational. Are you on your period? I bet that’s it. Come get breakfast with me. You probably just need chocolate, and the place down the block has incredible chocolate waffles.”

You open your mouth to reject him, but you can’t. Part of it is because you know if you do then he’ll follow you back to your apartment and the last thing you want is for him to know where you’re living right now. But the other part is much worse. A big part of you wants to let him try again. You can’t explain why, but you really want for him to redeem himself as your first love.

“Ok, you have 20 minutes, let’s go get breakfast.”

The walk there is silent and awkward. Randall grabs your hand, too tight for you to do anything about it, and keeps this grip until you sit down in your booth. 

You don’t get chocolate waffles. You really don’t even like chocolate all that much. Randall knows that, or at least you thought he did. Instead you get cinnamon french toast, and within minutes it’s at the table. 

“You know baby, Spencer doesn’t love you.” He says halfway through your french toast.

“We aren’t dating Randall.”

“Doesn’t matter, you’ve been with him in that apartment for a while now. I’m surprised he hasn’t given you the boot.”

You sit in silence, Randall takes this as a sign to continue. “We’ve been together for five years, sweetness. No one can love you the way I do. That’s just a fact. Spencer fucking Reid can not replace me, no one can replace me.”

“I hate that you’re right. I hate that I can’t breathe when I’m not with you Randall. I hate that you’re stuck to me. You’re this god awful stain on my life. I hate looking at it but no matter what I do I can’t wash it off.”

He smirks. “You’re not gonna get rid of me Y/N.” He pays the check, and gets up from the table. You go to get up too, but notice he didn’t tip your waitress, so you leave another five bucks on the table. 

When you get outside he grasps your shoulders. “I knew you would come around Y/N, I knew you would get it. Now come on, we can go collect your stuff from that prick’s apartment and get you home. I know exactly how you can make it up to me.”

You pause, “I don’t think so Randall. I’m not ready quite yet, but I promise I’ll call you.” You meant it, you had already unblocked him from your phone.

“Oh absolutely not, you’re going home with me now.”

“No I’m not.” As you were yelling at each other you notice a strangely familiar face standing nearby, just in ear shot. You can’t place him, but you know you’ve met before.

“Yes you are! We’re happy together and you’re coming to live with me again!”

“We don’t love each other, Randall! Not right now at least!” 

He’s livid, and once again you feel that scared, indescribable feeling in the pit of your stomach. “That’s not true! I’ll prove it to you.” He grabs your chin and pulls your face to his.

You feel as if water is filling your lungs, you’re drowning and no one is around to save you. Randall is physically stronger than you, you’re stuck in his grasp. It’s like you’re screaming and no one can hear you. 

And yet, this flood of emotions you’re feeling is the first time you realize something. 

You’re addicted to Randall.

You need to get out.

You need to get back to Spencer.

After what feels like minutes (but is actually about 3 seconds) of being unseen and vulnerable, you discover you’ve been protected the whole time. The man you can't place rips Randall off of you, “What’s wrong with you? Get off of her!”

It’s his voice that lets you place him. Derek Morgan, Spencer’s closest friend and coworker, punches Randall in the face. “Get out of here!”

“What the fuck is wrong with YOU? That’s my girlfriend! Sweetheart, tell him to leave us alone!”

They both turn and look at you, with tears in your eyes you look at Morgan and shake your head. “Please, get him to leave.”

And Morgan does just that, with a little yelling and a flash of his FBI badge, Randall is running for the hills.

“Come on baby girl, let’s get you back home. Did you walk here?”

You shake your head, “No, I drove Spencer’s car here.”

“Well, how bout I drive you home, and then afterwards I swing back and get Spencer’s car and drop it off?”

So you do just that. After profusely thanking Morgan, and him insisting that it was nothing, and also insisting to carry your groceries in from the car, you and Spencer are together once again. 

“I’m so sorry Spencer, I didn’t believe you before. I was going to go back to him. How could I be so stupid?”

“Don’t talk like that Y/N, you said it best yourself. Just because you relapse doesn’t mean you aren’t trying, and it most certainly doesn’t mean you’re stupid.”

“I think it’s time we get clean Spencer. Both of us, once and for all.”

“I think so too Y/N.”

He pulls you into a hug and in between sniffles you manage to choke out what you’ve been wanting to say since you got into Morgan’s car. “I love you.”

He looks at you, and the look in his eyes almost makes you cry out of pure joy. He looks so happy, as if he’s been waiting for you to say that for years. 

Maybe he has.

“I love you too.”

7:29 AM, April 16th, 2008.

You press your lips to Spencer’s, you know he has just woken up, but you know it’s a big day for him. 

You both have been sober for over ten months now. Today is the day of his first group meeting. He found Beltway Clean Cops recently, and has been so excited to go. You’re excited for him. You know how proud he is of you, and you want to show him in every way possible that you’re proud of him.

He opens his eyes and smiles up at you. “What did I deserve to get a wake up like that?”

“What kind of question is that? You’re incredible, and an incredible boyfriend deserves an incredible morning. Do you know what else he deserves?”

He hums and waits for the answer.

“An incredible breakfast! That’s why I made blueberry pancakes. Now hurry up and come eat. You should  leave soon if you want to make it to your meeting on time. Have I told you yet how incredibly proud I am of you?”

He smiles, “Only an average of 15.6 times a day since I told you I was going.”

“Well that’s not nearly enough, now come on, get up. It’s pancake time,” you say. “Oh, and Spencer?”

“Yes flower?”

“I’m so proud of you.”

He smiles, “I love you flower.”

“I love you more.”

You ate breakfast together and then forced Spencer out the door, making sure he had plenty of time to get to his meeting. You knew he would regret it if he was late. 

You weren’t going to lie to yourself, you still thought about Randall a lot. You still missed him. You still love him in a way. But now that you had Spencer, now that you were clean together, you would never risk going back to him. 

That day where you agreed to go to breakfast with him, Derek asked you if you wanted to press charges. You didn’t, you don’t regret that either.

You’re even more proud of yourself this way, because you know he’s still there, still accessible and available to you, and still didn’t run to him. You know that any trace of Randall in your future is gone. 

You know you and Spencer are finally clean.

“Ten months sober, I must admit Just because you're clean don't mean you don't miss it Ten months older I won't give in Now that I'm clean I'm never gonna risk it”

- Thank you for reading! Please reblog and let me know what you think :))

[iam93percentstardust]

For your bday prompt thing: stuckony, Tony has to take care of his partners after they get drunk for the first time in 70+ years.

Also, happy belated bday!!!

Thank you, nonnie! I hope you like this story! It was my first time writing something like this and I had a lot of fun working on it!

As always, everything that I write is on ao3 but I’m not providing the link because tumblr hates links

~

Tony would just like everyone to know that he said the Asgardian mead was a bad idea.

He said it, he did, and tomorrow morning, he’ll get to say I told you so.

Today, however, he has a very handsy Bucky and a very affectionate Steve to deal with, and he’s not sure which one is worse.

Bucky’s hand creeps towards his inner thigh for the fifth time in ten minutes and for the fifth time in ten minutes, Tony firmly removes it, placing it back in Bucky’s lap. “Nope,” he says, ignoring the laughter in Natasha’s eyes as she watches the three of them. “No, we’re not doing that.”

Bucky gives him a very pathetic pout that absolutely does not make Tony melt. “I just wanna touch it a little.”

“And I would like to not wake up with regrets tomorrow morning so hands to yourself.”

“I wouldn’t regret it,” Bucky grumbles, hands starting to wander again.

Tony sighs and firmly holds both of Bucky’s in his, keeping them right where he can see them. “I know you wouldn’t,” he says tiredly. How much mead had Thor given them? It’s been three hours, shouldn’t they be at least starting to sober up? “But I would.”

There’s a low whining sound from his left side. Tony groans and turns to Steve, who lays his head on his shoulder and blinks up at him with those big blue eyes. “You would regret us?” Steve asks sadly, mouth turned down at the corners.

Tony leans forward and drops a quick kiss on Steve’s forehead. “Yep. Drunken consent still isn’t consent even when we’re dating, and even if you both really, really want it, I like my partners to at least remember what we did.”

“I wouldn’t forget you,” Steve murmurs. “I love you.”

The words have been said before but not nearly frequently enough for Tony’s breath to keep from hitching. It still sends a thrill through his body every time he hears it. How could it not? There’d been a long time there when he’d thought he would never have anyone who would love him, and now he has two people.

“I—” he starts to say, but Steve puts a finger on his lips, shushing him.

“I especially love your eyes,” he says dreamily and reaches up to pet them, closing Tony’s eyes as he does.

“I know, babe.” And he does. Steve compliments him on his eyes all the time.

“They’re like dirt.”

Well, that’s a new one. Usually, Tony gets that they’re like whiskey, or when Steve’s in a particularly happy mood, like Bambi. Natasha nearly chokes on her laughter as Tony’s mouth twists.

“Great,” he says dryly. Bucky tugs his hands from Tony’s, who only barely notices. “Thanks, babe. A+ compliment there.”

“Dirt makes things grow,” Steve informs him solemnly.

“That they do,” he agrees, throwing Natasha a dirty look as she continues to snicker. Fuck, where’s the rest of the team when he needs them? How did he miss them all heading off to bed while he was trying to wrangle Steve and Bucky and stop them from drinking the entire contents of the barrel Thor brought back from Asgard?

“So it’s good that your eyes are like dirt.”

“Could be worse,” Natasha says. “He could have said your eyes are like manure.”

Steve’s eyes light up and Tony claps a hand over his mouth to keep him from saying that. He doesn’t think he could stand it. There are a lot of things he’s been compared to in his life, and many of them have been bad, but that would definitely be one of the worst.

“Don’t give him any ideas,” he grumbles and then yelps when Bucky’s hand lands squarely on his dick.

“James!” he hisses, scandalized. He twists in his seat, away from Bucky’s wandering hands, even if that means moving closer to Steve, who promptly latches onto him like a limpet. What is this world coming to that Tony, of all people, is horrified by some light exhibitionism? He thinks about burying his head in his hands and groaning but decides against it. There’s no telling what Bucky would do if Tony took his eyes off of him.

“Okay,” he says abruptly and stands up, dislodging Steve. “You know what? I had high hopes that we’d be able to sober up down here but that’s definitely not going to happen so we’re going to bed.”

“Together?” Bucky asks, waggling his eyebrows. It’s normally a very effective strategy, but tonight he’s too loose to look anything other than ridiculous. Tony bites back a laugh.

No encouragement.

Stand your ground, Stark.

…Even if it’s really tempting.

“Nope,” he says, popping the p. He rocks back on his heels. “You two are going to go to bed and I am going to sleep with Natasha.”

It’s the least she can do for laughing at his misfortune all evening. And besides, it’s not like they haven’t shared a bed before. Most of the team have shared a bed at one point or another. It’s a great way to deal with the nightmares they all have. And Nat’s scary enough that even Bucky won’t dare argue with her, especially once she nods and slides her hand through the crook of his elbow.

“I’d love to have you over tonight,” she says in that sly tone that means she’s rubbing this in Bucky’s face. He sighs. When did his life get so complicated? What did he do in a past life that was so bad he now has to deal with petty spies and assassins with roaming hands?

“Nat, stop teasing Bucky,” he orders. “Bucky, keep your hands to yourself. And Steve, just—” Steve gives him the biggest puppy dog eyes. Tony regrets every single time he’s ever told Steve how effective those are. “Never mind. Bed. You two are going and what you get up to once you’re there is none of my concern.”

“It could be,” Bucky says with another one of those eyebrow wiggles.

“Uh-huh,” Tony says, not impressed. “Darling, you’re so drunk you’re nearly falling over. I’d be surprised if you can even get it up.”

“Oh doll, I can always get it up for you.”

“Charming,” he says flatly.

Steve slides his hand into Tony’s free one, interlacing their fingers and swinging them, happy as a clam. Tony glances over at him and opens his mouth to say something, what he’s not sure. It’s not like this is nearly as much of a problem as Bucky’s leering is; it’s just a little awkward. Before he can say anything, Steve beams at him and lifts their joined hands up so he can press a soft kiss to the back of Tony’s. Tony shuts his mouth again and tries not to blush.

After a moment, he says, “Nat, can you take Bucky upstairs if I’ve got Steve?”

She nods. “Let’s go,  Джеймс.”

Bucky pouts but obediently follows her to the elevator. Once they’re gone, Tony turns to Steve, who promptly wraps him up in a hug. “Were we really that bad tonight?” Steve mumbles, voice muffled by Tony’s hair.

He wants to say yes, wants it to never happen again because tonight was awkward-with-a-capital-A, but he thinks of all the times Rhodey and Pepper have had to wrangle him when he had too much to drink. “Worse things have happened,” he tells him instead and nudges Steve’s jaw up so he can kiss him in that sensitive spot right under his chin.

“Good,” Steve says and finally—finally—he sounds sleepy. “I never want to cause you problems.”

Tony smiles fondly. He knows they don’t. That’s why he finds it impossible to stay mad at them when they do things like this. “Come on, honey. Let’s get you upstairs before you become deadweight.”

“You’d have to get the suit to move me,” Steve says drowsily, stumbling along with Tony as they head for the elevators.

“That’s very true.”

Natasha is already gone by the time he gets Steve into their bedroom, and fortunately, Bucky is already asleep, snoring softly as he lies facedown on the bed. “Small miracles,” Tony mutters, shoving Steve in the direction of the bathroom.

He helps Steve out of his clothes, decides against a shower—they’ve tried sleepy Steve in the shower before and it never turns out well—and eventually gets his teeth brushed. By that point, Steve is all but swaying on his feet so it’s no effort at all to get him tucked into bed beside Bucky, who must know on some subconscious level that it’s Steve next to him because he rolls over and wraps himself around Steve like he’s part octopus.

Tony smiles at the sight of them and pulls his phone out to take a quick picture before he grabs a couple things and then heads down to Nat’s floor. She’s also already in bed by the time he gets there, but she’s leaning up against the headboard, reading a book.

“Thanks,” he says wearily as he drags himself into her bathroom.

“You owe me,” she says simply. “Besides, it was easy once he realized you weren’t there. Just had to promise him you’d be coming up soon.”

“You’re a genius.” He stumbles back out of the bathroom and faceplants on the bed, burying his face into her hip. “Fuck, that was exhausting. Was I ever that bad when you were working for me? No, don’t answer that. I think we all remember that party.”

She laughs and cards her fingers through his hair. “You did well, котенок.” She pauses. “But I still took pictures.”

“…I hate you.”