#and also build my personal tag again
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amsterdam đȘ»đłđ°
#just wanted to post my first leg of the trip before the enha craze tomorrow heheh#and also build my personal tag again#anyway here are my cute photos from amsterdam!#currently posting in a random airport hotel cause guess what#the airline cancelled my flight 2 hours before it departs đ#literally found out at the counterâŠ#so now i have a layover in basel tomorrow instead of direct to copenhagen đ#valcore
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warming back up..with silliness.. watching shrek 2 again & Dreams . cause i have a lot of dreams that are weird
#witch hat tag#orufrey#i dreamt qifrey had tattoos and it was scary bc why wouldnt i know that? he's been shirtless in the manga#yet in the dream he had geometric black tattoos on his neck? HOW COULD I NOT KNOW???#i also dreamt today about panels with loads of fire in them like they were in a burning building and tetia's shoes were getting singed#but nobody even cared and nobody in the world noticed the fire except for me only i realise things are on fire#stress dreams..stress dreams about witch hat atelier..i'm not doing well guys#yeah i used shrek dialogue for my orufrey. we're at this level of insanity. i dont even care any more#listen to Holding out for a hero (shrek 2) (10 hour version) thinking of qif & oru & iguin and maybe youll understand#silly personal drawings where ive drawn 'myself' dont fit with my actual art =_= But Once again..who cares any more.
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This Home of Mine
How had it come to this?, Aviloh asked himself as the argument around him began to get louder. Somehow he had known it would all end horribly one day. He just had hoped it would take a little longer. He only had himself to blame for this, he thought as his eyes fearfully scanned the crowd that was slowly gathering around them.
There at the sidelines stood Uâkhaya with a gleeful expression on her face. She knew this would happen, he realised. But Aâviloh wasnât the kind of person to blame her for what happenedâŠ
Uâkhubaâs twin sister had always been following the boys around even when they all had still been kids. She had been a brave and stubborn little girl, maybe a little mean sometimes but not more so than her brother. Aâviloh had always thought she was following them because of Khuba - twins being inseparable or something. Never had he imagined the reason would be Laqa instead.
Of course he could have guessed it. Everyone loved Laqa! Apparently Khaya wasnât an exception in this matter.
That evening - before the argument - Aâviloh had waited for quite some while by the pond. They had always used to hide there when they still had been kids, every time the other boys had stirred trouble or teased the girls.
By now it was one of the spots Laqa and him sometimes used as meeting points when they sneaked out of the settlement together. But today the other Miqoâte had arrived so late, Aâviloh had already started to wonder if something had happened.
âThere you are!â, Aviloh said relieved as Laqa finally appeared just when he was about to go searching for him. âI was already worried. Did something happen?â
The blonde Miqoâte made an annoyed face. âJust Khaya happenedâŠâ
Aâviloh didnât understand. âKhaya? Whatâs wrong with her?â
âEverything apparently!â, Laqa exclaimed disgruntled, which made Aâviloh even more confused.
Laqa sighed.
âShe waylaid me on my way outside.â, he explained but couldnât help to look a little angry still. âStarted talking some nonsense about how impressed she was about the quarry from our last hunt and how it is a shame that it isnât me leading the tribe instead of father.â
Aâviloh furrowed his brows, still not quite connecting the dots. Laqa grimaced. âThen she threw herself at me and tried to kiss me.â
âShe what?â, Aâviloh exclaimed a little louder than intended, with a mix of shock and disbelief on his face.
Laqa raised his hands in a calming manner. âDonât worry! I of course told her that I am not interested. Like I ever would be anyway! We may be almost the same age but she is still my motherâs sister. What was she even thinking, Vi?â
Aâvi shrugged but couldnât help to remember something one of Laqaâs sisters had once told him. âLamana mentioned that Khaya didnât agree with some of Uâodhâs opinions. She thought her and Khuba were still mad with him because of their fatherâŠâ
âThat makes no sense! They have no reason for that! Itâs not like father threw them all out!â, Laqa said annoyed. âAlone because of mom he wouldnât have! Anyway, grandpa had been old already, if not father then someone else would sooner or later have challenged him. All of them were always treated equally. Why would they be mad?â
Aâviloh gave another shrug and smiled weakly. âMaybe itâs none of that and she really just is a little in love with you⊠I canât blame herâŠâ
Laqa lightly glared at him, as if he wanted to say âthis isnât funnyâ, but couldnât help to grin himself.
âItâs still absurd!â, he said while shaking his head.
âYou think?â, Aâviloh asked and chuckled. âI wouldnât be surprised if half the village was secretly in love with you.â
Laqa made a sound somewhere between an annoyed huff and a suppressed laugh. Then he stretched out a hand for Aâviloh to take. As Aâviloh did so Laqa pulled him closer and wrapped his arms around him. âToo bad for them that the only one I will ever love is you.â
All too willingly - too carelessly! - Aâviloh melted into the other Miqoâteâs embrace. Laqa saying things like this never failed to give him a warm and fuzzy feeling. Just as much as Laqa kissing him always made his heart skip a beat and his mind go silent.
Gently Aâviloh wrapped his arms around the taller Miqoâteâs neck, like an invitation to pull him even closer and deepen their kiss, when suddenly a sound appeared nearby. Their ears, currently slightly drooped, attentively shot up and both Miqoâte instinctively turned to see where the unexpected sound had come from.
Without doubt, there by one of the larger rocks nearby, eyes wide and mouth agape in disbelief, stood a Miqoâte girl with dark hair and bright blue eyes.
Khaya!
This was the exact moment Aâviloh knew he was in trouble.
âKhayaâŠâ, Laqa was the first one to find his voice again. He sounded almost as if he wanted to reassure a shy animal, but it only made the girl unfreeze, whirl around and run away. âNo! Khaya, wait!â, Laqa called and ran after her. He probably wanted to explain, wanted to beg her to stay silent, but Aâviloh knew it was too late already.
With his heart hammering against his chest and his thoughts racing he stood there and just watched them go. For a second he wondered what he should do now. But he had nowhere else to go, probably no one else who would defend him apart from Laqa. So slowly he followed back to the settlement, wishing he could just vanish into thin air.
***
âTell me this isnât the thruth.â, Uâodh demanded from his son. His voice was still relatively calm but there already was a tone in it, a kind of threatening sound that also reflected on his face.
For a moment the thought crossed Aâvilohâs mind, that Laqa could simply have lied. That he simply could have denied everything. Maybe, just maybe, his father would have believed him.
But that wasnât like Laqa.
âItâs true!â, Laqa admitted and turned his face a little bit to look at Aâviloh, who so far had stood a few steps behind him, trying to stay out of Uâodhâs attention. âAâvi and I are a couple.â
A murmur went through the crowd and somehow even Aâviloh felt surprised to hear him say this so bluntly for everyone to hear. Uâodh laughed, but it lacked any humor. Aâviloh already looked very uncomfortable but when the nunhâs sharp eyes landed on him, he almost flinched away and cast his eyes down to the ground.
âThat weak little welp?!â, Uâodh spat out, speaking to his son but still looking and pointing at Aâviloh. âWhat do you want with him?! Heâs good for nothing!â
Aâviloh had never quite understood this either. There were so many better people than him and still Laqa had chosen him instead. Carefully Aâviloh glimpsed up at Laqa and could see his whole body tense up against the nunhâs insulting words. Stubbornly Laqa stared into his fatherâs eyes and growled.
âDonât you dare to speak of him like that! I donât care if he can fight or not, he is kind and wonderful and I love him!â
But Uâodh simply shook his head and laughed condescendingly.
âLove?! Donât be foolish now⊠you know nothing about love.â
That had been too much for Laqa.
Usually no one dared to speak up against Uâodh no matter how harsh his words sometimes were. But Laqa, in a way just like his father and in another just like his mother, never had known how to back down. The anger about the situation and also about his father didnât help, so his next words sounded especially blunt and sharp, more so than he probably truly thought.
âMore than you! You wouldnât recognise love if it stood right in front of you! Because you are just a bitter resentful man who doesnât know how to love!â
Shocked gasps sounded from the crowd and everybody stared at either Laqa or his father, waiting for a reaction. For a few long seconds both remained silent. But while Laqa just stared at the older Miqoâte with a stubborn, unyielding face, the nunhâs face changed slowly but entirely. All the mockery faded from his face and instead his expression turned to an angry snarl.
Aâviloh knew he would only end up in the crossfire but if he didnât do something now, they would certainly fight and that was the last thing any of them could want. He didnât really know what to say but scraped up all his bravery and stepped forward a bit. Trying to divert their attention from each other he spoke up, still quiet but clearly audible against this deadly silence.
âPlease stop, I donât ââ
But Uâodh wasnât going to listen to whatever he had to say. Furiously he whirled towards him and stepped closer with wild rage in his eyes.
âNo one allowed YOU to speak, you pathetic little weakling! Get out of my sight, you are none of my kin and I never want to see your whiny face again! You are nothing but a parasite and I have suffered your presence here for long enough! Begone! You are no longer welcome here!â
Of course. Aâviloh had expected this but it still hurt to hear these words out loud. He tried not to cry but already looked quite miserable already, even without tears. Uâodh however wasnât done with him yet.
âOh, how I regret the day I allowed you to stay here! I wish you had just died with the rest of your miserable family!â, the nunh hissed and looked as if he was about to attack Aâviloh with more than just hurtful words.
With tears in his eyes Aâviloh shivered in fear and flinched away. He had never seen Uâodh so furious before. But before the man could loose his self-control entirely and really tried to strike at him, Laqa stepped between them and protectively wrapped his arms around Aâviloh.
Instantly everything went silent again. Everyone seemed shocked by what had happened or what Uâodh had just said. Even the nunh himself seemed stunned when he saw his sonâs disgusted face, staring at him. But Uâodh was not the kind of man to give in or admit his failures. Instead he quietly but sharply said, âDonât look at me so. My word is final. He is none of our family and I want him gone by tomorrow.â
With a strange mixture of defiance and sadness Laqa looked at his father for a moment, before he spoke.
âIn that case I donât consider you my family any longer either. A place where Aâvi isnât welcome I cannot call my home. If you send him away, I will go with him!â
Briefly a shadow crossed his face but then Uâodh looked entirely unfazed again.
âWhere would you even go?â, he asked and shook his head dismissively.
âAnywhere but here...â, Laqa replied coldly and turned to Aâviloh. âLetâs go and pack our things.â
All of this had happened so suddenly Aâviloh still could not quite believe it. No matter what Uâodh had said, for him this place was still his home and the people here the closest thing he had to a family. He didnât want to leave.
âWhat? Now?â, he asked and pleadingly looked to Laqa, hoping that there was some way to make everything right after all.
âYes! Iâm sure we can stay with the Flames for one night and tomorrow morning we leave.â
His decision seemed to be final, just as Uâodhâs. What was Aâviloh supposed to do against that?
Laqa made a point of taking Aâvilohâs hand so everyone could see it and knew to whom his loyalty belonged. Slowly he let his gaze wander over the crowd of curious faces giving them one last chance to speak up but they all remained silent.
With a last disappointed look at his father he turned around and walked away, unconcerned that they all stared at them as they left.
#ffxiv#ff14#final fantasy xiv#final fantasy 14#ffxiv writing#ffxiv screenshots#ff14 screenshots#ffxiv gpose#gpose#Aviloh Tia#Laqa Tia#I'm sorry for writing Avi in distress again...#but I was thinking about writing this for so long now it was only a matter of when instead of if#Besides now me not using the U for Laqa's name tag maybe makes some more sense XD#btw the title is a line of lyrics#I wonder if anyone recognizes it...#probably not though...#Its from a song called Family by Badflower#It may not fit perfectly... maybe its more of a Laqa song... but I think it has good bits for each of their feelings probably...#besides am I the only person wondering if Miqoâte have a rather Targaryen approach to relationships?#once again I feel like I have to say a few defending words about Uâodh xD#First it wasnât the fact of Aâvi being a guy that annoyed him - I think thatâs pretty much not an issue in this world#Just the fact that Miqoâte culture seems very survival of the fittest to me#and Aâvi while helping with whatever work there is in the village is just not particularly strong or anything#also I think Uâodh honestly loves all of his children just canât show it very well due to this whole you have to look strong mentality xD#I also think he at least really loved Laqaâs mother after all I imagine he challenged her father just so he was allowed to be with herâŠ#Tbh I build so much background lore about this whole family in my head itâs absolutely ridiculous xD#Maybe an issue for him not approving Laqa being in love with someone as weak as Aâviloh is also Laqaâs mother#I imagine she was a good hunter but also didnât have a good health and died of some sickness resulting from that which broke his heart#enough rambling of lore I should put into text instead of here đ
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More misc. daily life pictures and such
#image commentary in tags once again since they don't allow captions anymore and I feel weird using the alt text for that --#1 & 2 - Very bright pretty looking sky !#2. HUGE icicle that looked like you could kill someone with it or something.. Pulled from near a gutter on the side of a building#3. & 4 & 5 - various images from a silly party I had where I pretended to be some elf king turning like 204 years old lol (also not like#a REAL party. Only my roommates were there really and we're all in the same household bubble.#just to clarify. I would never dare have a large party anyway given#my hermitous nature but on top of that.. didn't want there to be some implication that I'm having a Party while covid is still ongoing lol.#NEVER.. But I do love dressing up as some fantasy character so much.. The only thing that could ever bring a true hermit wizard#to engage with others socially is the prospect of connecting it somehow to fantasy worlds and costumes lol. One must simply dress up#as a silly 200 year old man from time to time and pretend you've never seen a balloon before in your life. etc.#6. bapy boye... feets#7. The main food that I made for the elderly elf man 'party'. which was a Deconstructed Beef Wellington (kind of as ajoke since I watch s#o many silly cooking competition shows and they always make stuff 'deconstructed' at the last minute when under time limits or whatever.)#I've wanted to make beef wellington a few times but Ithink to do it well I'd need like..an actual kitchen and a lot of time and#an oven that fully works to bake things and etc. etc. So I thought this would be an easier method. A thick steak cut round to kind of mimi#c the round tenderloin or whatever it is in a wellington. instead of the puff pastry being wrapped around - I just did star shaped cut outs#of pastry and baked them and put them on top (to go with the star theme). instead of mushroom duxelles being wrapped around in pastry#its in a little circle under the steak. and instead of mustard being brushed onto the meat I made a mustard gravy sauce type of thing#Then of course asparagus on the side.. my favorite... Though I know some wellington#also has a layer of prosciutto I think. or I saw one person use crepes. I didn't feel it was necessary to incorporate that too lol#8. bapy son helping me do a giant puzzle that took me hours and I had no idea it was actually that large of a puzzle#until I started putting it together and for some reason it made me stressed by the end instead of relaxed lol.. puzzle fatigue#photo diary
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a while ago on the discord i brought up the "which desk at the station is forrest's desk" question when the answer should probably have been obvious. he's been at the job for approx. one week, so it's the desk with all the unpacked boxes. it just didnt occur to me because thats Frankly A Lot Of Boxes and my first thought was this is where all the storage and junk are piled on, but no. it's all stuff forrest brought (/hc). he's a heavy packer. he spite packed all the stuff he didn't want his old job to keep even if he doesnt need or even like them all that much but now that he's blacklisted then no one in the entirety of chicago can have them
#killer frequency#forrest nash#i'm also half convinced tbh that the bulk of what he brought in are station supplies lmao#so to disingeniously bring up a further point in the tags again instead of sensibly adding to the main post#the game has this narrative tension btwn audio storytelling vs visual storytelling#especially in regards to forrest's character/impression vs the impression we the viewers have of The Town#environmentally- this town is Filthy lmao i'm so sorry everyone but like#forrest bringing up A Smell after we are Surrounded the whole game by dead bugs left everywhere#and both inside and outside the station just Looking Like That#like he's Not just being mean but he is absolutely not being gentle about it either#this touches on the town being in disrepair perhaps bc of local officials not doing much to promote/maintain upkeep#as well as clive the station janitor being BUSY with other projects lmao#but in the protag's POV where he's been upended from his life and then finds himself in a building infested with bugs#also with a brand new sleep schedule. ok he is going to be A Bit Grumpy About It (better or worse depending how you RP him lol)#but yeah i do like that very subtle tension bc this is largely an audio driven story#and in that sense it's easy to just brush off all of forrest's pettiness to him just being a mean person full stop#ALL THIS TO SAY that i think forrest packed five or more boxes of bug repellent ty for coming to my ted(dy) talk#and also more music/soundbites & tech bc KFAM is a bit lacking from what he's used to#\o/ UNCALLED FOR CHARACTER BUILDING!!
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I was teaching Opheliaâs death scene this week and one of my classes spontaneously giggled when she died (because they are 16 years old and emotionally immature) and I said, in a shocked voice, âit is NOT funnyâ and they all insisted that it was and so I let it go but then the next day I showed them some Ophelia art, made them think about how sinister it was that her death happens offstage but is still described in such detail for the viewer, which tells us she was WATCHED but not HELPED as she died, and then played a clip from Branaghâs Hamlet of Kate Winslet singing a mourning song for her father and when I tell you how satisfying it was to hear a total and complete hush fall over the room
#teaching tag#Obviously I cannot control their emotions and I donât try to. but I love to lay all the right groundwork for them to be moved#even if they donât understand or forget it a second later#I can do that!!! let them have their moment of silly little reaction and then clear it away and make them look at the moment again#giving them all the context and support they need and donât have on their own#and I have no idea if it works on a personal or individual level because it depends on what they let into their little hearts#but as a class i KNOW that it works. because of that signature hush#the same thing happened when I read the proposal scene from David Copperfield out loud#itâs happened with the end of the inferno. P&P Pemberley scene. teaching twelfth night#itâs my favorite thing to do in the entire world#to just sweep everything away and then re-build how to look at a scene#and the thing I LOVE about teaching high schoolers is that thereâs the immaturity and the boredom etc. etc.#But underneath that there is a great stupidity ready to be taught#that is so much better than pretentious college age kids or hardened adults who already âknowâ what itâs about#they have that grain of stupidity (more than a grain lol) that oâConnor talks about#that is the secret to letting things in#and Iâm so passionate about showing them and Iâm just getting better at clearing the ground and knowing what tools to show them when#and also â-this is A new thing Iâm learning â-how to hold back my own emotions or reactions so as not to cloud it#whenever I start talking very matter-of-factly and very quickly and almost dispassionately about the structure of a moment#thatâs so much better than me having the emotion because it gives THEM room to have the emotion#and thatâs simply how theyâre hooked#ANYWAY. as I said lots of thoughts thanks for listening wldkdkejejjejejejehe
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I know I Cannot Speak as I live in a glass house in this respect, but I DESPERATELY need the person who was doing cat care tn to post their update.
I spent 14 hours there this weekend, theyâre almost my cats at this point. Tell me how they are >:(
#the pumpkin speaks#firstly I need to know if she even came in#she moved her friday shift to sunday#(again i cannot cast stones)#the real journal entry is in the tags#I just have a bad feeling about it#thereâs a kitten there that is SO skinny and I would have fed her more if I thought someone wasnât going to show up in 1-2 hours#she also needs eye meds#I also brought one of my personal puzzle toys in for a specific cat and I wanna know if she used it :/#she is SO scared and SO insecure (to the point of agression) and she isnât interested in anything I can offer#(other than slow blinks and maybe food 5-10 min after I last touched it)#i feel like she needs a win#if she feels like sheâs hunting it can help her build confidence#insee it work with the mildly timid cats and I desperately want to crack that nut
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re last answer: please don't stop, being very unhinged about these two pretty white boys is helping distract me from the sharks losing streak rn so bring it on
https://www.tumblr.com/bondedpairs/764566430180147200?source=share
(sideblog woes but there's the link for you) anyway in the vid they talk about going over to each other's houses to have dinner and things and while that is a delicious example of their codependence i love it bc through an rpf lens there is definitely some old man ******* going on. they can have the dilfs and each other.
(someone else mentioned kept boys which i could write an essay on but i fear being Perceivedâąïž)
anyway if you have anything to add to this please do, if not ignore me and i will hide under a rock until the stress-related insanity has worn off and i am a functioning member of society once more đ
- @bondedpairs
ty for the video!!! and please, WRITE THE KEPT BOYS ESSAYYYY i promise i will read it with my hands over my eyes if you donât want to be perceived. do it scared!! do it anyway!! weâll all love you for it!!!
#like. i donât know how to explain how narratively aware will smith is to me. he knows heâs being put into the codependent rookies arc.#heâs aware that zeev buium transforms into a dog. he knows that he and mack arenât getting together because mackâs gotta work it out first.#& in a less unhinged way i simply mean that will smith has an air of both self-conscious thought & projection i think is maybe fascinating.#but not in a way in which i actually know this or think that he thinks about himself and how he comes across. he just Is Something ????#the best way i can explain is one of my alltime favorite fics i use it like a shorthand citation bc i love it so much but catchascatchcanâs#many worlds universe but specifically the second tk/pat story second person you the ouroboros spits out its tale nolan walks off screen.#like that is the kind of narrative awareness i am trying to explain that no matter where i put him will smith knows heâs inside a story but#not in a way where heâs trying to do anything to it. heâs just present there. this makes no sense to me either please understand#liv in the replies#bondedpairs#happy to have brought you something in your times of woe!!! âalso hope things get a little less stressful for you!! <3#weâre 2gether p much 24/7â no go on i say in my nature documentary voice. watching them like bugs under a rock rn observing from a distance#this DID get me to actually watch the video. agreed with puckpocketed saying rich text and ur tags like. YES the daddy issues popped out.#just wants to make sure heâs having fun!! checking up!! mack the prime irritance in willâs life!! foisted off on one another w/ no choice#itâs like when your parents are friends so then you have to be friends with their kids in a way and then also like. youâre the only kids#close in age to each other but theyâre NOT but it is definitely not like. i would choose you for any lifetime it is very will smith hockey#(once again) very aware he has to wait for mack to settle down. like now that iâm saying this i DO want clairvoyant will smith which is not#where it goes in the first half but just in the sense of like. those silly posts that are like âinvested early in stock!â & itâs a picture#of braden holtby & his beautiful bisexual wife brandi back when holts was a hipster who wore skinny scarves & now everyone thinks heâs sooo#like that but itâs will smith saying my god you are insufferable but youâll be fantastic in five years. get in the fucking car.#(yes i am drawing extensively from the one picture where will has COMPLETELY tuned him out (there is a football reasoning reference here?#with the patriots? neonfretra drew this also but it was a tweet about the teams. thereâs layers to this here ANYWAY) weâre building a life#i realize after the fact i addressed neither the dilf (gilf?) fucking here nor the content of the actual video & polycules to which i say:#brain scrampled egg. the burnsie/joe/patty/(pavs???) polycule just exists to me and the kids intersect the venn diagram but in a much#smaller portion than they intersect each other in both ways (will/mack joe/the guys)#also as for the content of the video. youâre gonna have to give me at LEAST (how long did it take me until i actually started posting tzjd?#i hate that this is my metric but it really was like. i see everyone yelling about them & iâm like ok. [please ignore the irrational hatred#i have for tz at the time it has to do with moritz seider and also whenever i see him on the ice something awakens in kill mode] and i DO#blame tzjd for my 800 drafts and it took me like. a good while before i finally went OH kay. i see it. okay i can get invested. horizon at#a 45 degree angle moon in the late waxing gibbous winds scented of orange & blowing S by SW from the vortex cycle etc etc ass conditions)
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Me: *listening to my big shamisen playlist while I work at home reading cases* Hehe strings go twang nicely for my braincells
Spotify: *hits me in the face with âBlueâ by Aun J-Classic Orchestra again*
Me: I am going to die. ToT
#kidk says stuff#context is: song is beautiful and also firmly associated in my mind with a certain banana ship Iâm feral over forever#((my iteration of it anyway. my miscreants.))#I meanâŠshamisen is oneâs associated instrument and bamboo flute is the otherâs (blue has both shinobue and shakuhachi in it)#the song starts with just the shamisen and the flute slowly joins more and more until they're weaving around each other#thereâs a big climactic section that sounds like heroic adventure that then gets interrupted#((by a tragic sight? a realization? a confirmation of suspicions come true in the worst possible way??))#before coming back and building to a chaotic frenzy that ends abruptly with a lingering high flute note#and then the shamisen is mostly alone again...trailed by only soft hints of the flute like...#((memories? regrets at actions not taken? words not said??))#and there's a *little* bit of a hopeful tone in the koto buoying the notes...#((sounding almost like a harp?? an approach toward someone imbued with light??))#until that one final tragic-sounding note from the shamisen backed by low flute#((maybeâŠas someone bows his head thinking only of what must be done to save the rest where he couldnât saveâŠwellâŠ))#I WILL DIE!!!!!!!!#ohhhh them#this post is classic me putting everything i REALLY want to say in tags instead of the post oh well#kidk headcanons#<--i'm throwing it in this tag that's personal to me because it IS my boys but this is not...for the fandom tags lol#i'll come back and add banana bread to it later for my own purposes#banana bread
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And maybe you'll be like "but if you don't trust businesses, how can you trust welfare?"
I fucking don't. My mom trying to get on food stamps fucked me up because a lady I never met without my permission got my SSN from my mom and started editing my files. My heart still races to this very second whenever I think about it, it kinda messed me up bad and I'll never ever ever see any kind of recourse
And I'm terrified that I'm gonna lose my medicaid just cause I inherited some money from my grandpa
And I've never even applied for disability cause it kinda doesn't matter finding out if I'd qualify or not cause of my depression, when the rules are so restrictive I don't know if I've even be allowed to keep my house
I do not fucking trust these things on a personal level. I feel like out of a lot of people I have the most to fear from them cause I'm on the edge of having things work, and that gets you punished
...but I need medicaid in order to have insurance (and when you strip out the finance side of medicaid, I love medicaid... they're honestly incredible insurance... I just... I just... dental is like 90% of why medicaid is so important to me, ever since I found out this state pays for it I've actually been able to do cleanings which is important to me cause I can't always get myself to brush)
And I think things like disability and food stamps are pretty damn important on a personal level, and honestly are also good for the economy cause they get people spending... it's practically a free cash infusion into the economy, cause these are people who need to buy stuff
There's just so much important stuff welfare does that it's worth dealing with government
No, what I want is more accountability so if someone gets my SSN from a 3rd party like my mom they're held to HIPPA styles standards where that's not ok to access my files without my permission (She changed my fucking address and tried to get medicaid to investigate me for fraud! Never even met me)
Like have some accountability there and in every situation
Secondly I want less punitive focused rules. I'd frankly prefer bezos get on disability than smack down some poor sod cause they got $2000 in the bank or cause their friend lets them live with them for free
If there's gonna be a cut off on these programs, it needs to be a solid step above the poverty line, cause... by definition I assume poverty line denotes kinda the minimum expected income people can reasonably live off of, and if you take away benefits people are gonna lose a chunk of money to covering that stuff themself, so you need a buffer before you kick people off
I don't fucking trust the government for a second, I've actively been fucked by them and on a personal level I avoid everything but medicaid and only that cause everything but the money is pleasant to deal with and I kinda need it (honestly if I was rich I'm not even kidding that I'd rather give medicaid like $400 a month than some insurance company, I sincerely like them as insurance)
But I'd trust them a lot more if they were less punitive, less out to hunt me down and gut me cause someone handed me a fiver or cause I started to get on my feet, and if government employees had concrete rules they had to follow that were actually transparent and enforced
Like 90% of my problems with welfare go away if they're held accountable and there's less "catch the welfare cheats" mentality going around
I don't trust the government in the slightest, but sadly there some jobs it kinda has to do, so I'd just rather force it to be an open book where the public can keep an eye on it and if they step out of line there's consequences (sort of like I don't trust most mega corps but happen to sometimes need stuff from them... did you know literally every cell service provider has been illegally selling shit like your location data to random people like bounty hunters, and the FCC just slapped them with a fine that's 0.02% of their yearly incomes and debated even doing that? I even can offer a source on that)
...I don't trust much of any authority cause they constantly fail me and kinda screw me. Don't trust doctors either, but I still gotta go to them, you know? ...they're just... they're real bad at listening... so many systems need systemic change
(You know who I really don't trust is the cops. I could point to so many examples. My uncle doesn't trust cops either, and he's an ex Fire and SWAT paramedic, he worked with them and we still got into a long conversation where he basically tore into them far better than I can)
(I don't trust authority that's not accountable)
#anyway; if I'm a lousy cheat or whatever least they can do is give me a gun so I can solve that problem#shit makes me wish I was canadian so I could take advantage of their sick implementation of assisted suicide#what should be a system that gives people a choice about the quality of their life; and I don't think should be relegated to terminal illne#...there was... think he was dutch; had been burned by his girlfriend all over his body; was in constant pain#and he ended up using assisted suicide in the end cause he was just in constant agony... think that's his choice to make#but of course the canadian system concretely pushes people; mostly the poor and disabled; to kill themselves#not theoretically; as in literally says word for word to them 'you should really kill yourself; just sign here'#it's sick; it truly is#but for any americans that want to dunk on it; I'm telling you we're no better#we have the exact same miserable desperation and people (again; mostly poor and disabled) into despair#only difference is we don't offer assisted suicide#the underlying issues in the US and canada are so damn similar; so much of what's happening ends up being the same#you can't act smug just cause you only make people want to die instead of also offering to help#that's like saying that you're the good guy cause while you did everything you could to drive someone to the brink#get them fired; slash their tires; just cartoon level villain stuff to personally harass this person... at least you won't hand them rope#we have such similar systemic issues to canada; and I am explicitly telling you that like the people in canada that have said#'I can't take it anymore; disability doesn't cover my expenses and I can't get any help... I'm at my wits end so I'm gonna go die'#I'm telling you that I feel that same way; just without any eugenics agency I can call up#I'm really working to get things stable; but it feels like I'm teetering on the edge of falling into permanent failure#and... and I'll actually tell you the amount even though I don't like to mention money... makes me feel guilty#my gramps left me $27k; which sounds like a lot; but I got 20 windows that need redoing (house has a lot of windows)#...if they ended up being 1k each; that's most of the money gone; if they end up being more...#and I got a whole lotta other stuff I've been putting off like plumbing around here; need to replace that faucet#it's an amount of money that helps; but it's an amount of money that isn't gonna last#...that's like a year of bills; and my mom already needs me to pay like $400 to the propane bill since she got behind#I want to use it to... to try and really get my feet on the ground; but it might loose me my insurance... it makes me want to die#and not to be a selfish bastard; but if I could I'd like to try and take and invest a bit to maybe build some passive income#given that... that a job never seems to work out for me cause I fucking suck and cause like... my insomnia has me up at 5:30 am right now#mm tag so i can find things later
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MR. DAVINKY I KNOW YOU DONT KNOW ME BUT YOU RESPONDED TO MY BF ABOUT SALVADOR ON YT. HES RIGHT.
You have no idea how much Salvador means to us we NEED more salva-lore ASAP I'm clawing at the door I'm making loud animal noise RHARATARRAH
AKJDHLAJDHLKAJDHLKAJD I'M LOSING MY MIND YOU'RE TOO KIND A A A A A
as a thank you i want to offer you legitimately All The Lore I Have on post-lychgate salvadorâplease do with this what you will KJADLAHJ
GENERAL WORLD BUILDING
âGarage kit idolsâ are a semi-independent response to the international phenomenon that is Hââââââ Mâââ and company.
Almost all formal âgarage kitâ talent begins at one of the many production, distribution, and management offices spread across the country. These offices provide approved talent agencies with the development kits necessary to âscoutâ new idols.
Of these development kits, there are several packages available (each being more expensive and in-depth than the last), most of which include a rudimentary neural net, a foundational chassis, an instructional guide, and the software required to âtrainâ the net.
The lowest end packages include only the fundamental elements necessary for a functional idol, such as the capacity for CV voice synthesis, basic dance coordination, and a semi-life-like âface,â while more expensive and in-depth packages support multiple vocal libraries, more life-like bodies, additional personality modules, added expressive bonuses, and more.
To prevent damages to the officeâs reputation, however, most offices require that an agency aiming to âscoutâ a new idol must first submit an application statingâamong other thingsâtheir project plans and a three year timeline of what they hope to accomplish with their idol. If approved, this plan becomes a three year contract, at the end of which the agency and idol will be evaluated and potentially brought on for a full seven year office-endorsed contract.
While some âgarage kit idolsâ have achieved near legendary status (such as Kâââââ Tâââ), many of these idols do not survive their three year trial period. Those who do not have their license and warranty revoked (the consequences of which depend on the office), and often are encouraged to be decommissioned and recycled to make way for a new, hopefully more successful generation. In years pasts, some idols have even forcibly decommissioned following grave transgressions or scandals.
That being said, plenty of former âgarage kit idolsâ merely slip under the radar once their time is up, and go on to become independent, non-idol performers, or even leave the music industry all together. Repairs, however, often become an issue after three to five years of unserviced use. Often, it is difficult to find a former âgarage kit idolâ whoâs been out of warranty for more than five or so years.
All this being said, of course, this process only accounts for âformal Garage Kit talent.â There are plenty of independently developed vocal androids, though theyâre not often seen beyond local and private performances. Theyâre definitely more resource intensive to produce, though many fans argue most have more heart in them than any âGarage Kit Idolâ ever will.
SALVADORâS PERSONAL TIMELINE
Originally created by a small team of five individuals as the âgarage kit idolâ Mâââââ using a modest but lower-end dev kit, his agencyâs plan was toâby the end of this three yearsâmake him reasonably popular in a local area, book three sold out in-house performances, and sell at least 300 CDs across all three years.Â
With spirits high and hope abound, he received a great deal of support and enthusiasm from his agency in the first year.
Though a lot of prospective fans at the time werenât interested in getting emotionally invested in a âgarage kit idolâ (considering theyâre a dime a dozen and probably wouldnât last more than three years anyhow), by 8 months into his career, SALVADOR had developed a small, dedicated fan following that ensured that most street meets and housed performances drew in a crowd of at least 15 to 30 people. By 9 months in, they'd booked their first "sold-out" show in a small venue near his normal stomping grounds.
Hands were shaken, CDs were sold, and the numbers bolstered the spirit of the agency. It seemed like the dream would come true.
Side note: it's vaguely around in here that he first picked up his "rival," Ayano, who somehow kept setting up shop on the same street as him, much to his annoyance. His initial impression was that she was gruff, crude, and wholly unsuited for idol work, though over time he stopped looking down his nose at her and started finding a certain charm in how she'd unabashedly yell at people who didn't tip well, or leap off her stand to viciously beat up any critics.
... Unfortunately, however, the numbers plateaued and fell rather than climb. Dedicated fans would still roll up to the regular performances (and SALVADOR's popularity managed to just scrape in enough ticket sales for a second show), but the company was nowhere close to breaking 100 CDs, much less selling out another show. The company spirit dampened.
All the while, SALVADOR's feelings surrounding performing started to become muddled, leaving him frustrated and uneasy before shows and bordering on nauseous after. He slowly grew to resent the way his fans looked at him, and often lost himself in thought wishing that he could have any other idol's fans instead.
He really, honestly, truly looked to Ayano as a source of light during this time, and wished he could have the confidence she had to bite patrons who so much as looked at her funny. Unfortunately, she disappeared out of the blue one day, and never returned to idol work.
More than a few fans started to complain that SALVADOR seemed âinsincereâ and âcurtâ during fan meets and off-stage encounters, which the agency redirected unto SALVADOR swiftly. His attempts at confessing his problems and seeking support were met with pointed comments and implied blame for his lack of success, which all but turned the latch on his heart, causing him to bury his discontent in as deep a hole as he could muster.
By the midway point of year two, it was becoming clear the dream wasnât panning out. His growing revulsion privately festering in his heart, SALVADOR poured every bit of himself into his idol persona, increasingly his workload exponentially in an attempt to get his agency back on his side. Most fans stopped coming after a while once the concerts started to feel more and more desperate.
The final months before the contract expired were spent in a pitiful, frantic haze saturated with self-advertisement, frantic CD sales, enlistment of what few agency members would call him back (though these dwindled by the day), and desperate attempts at avoiding his fate. Many who knew him at the time would remember seeing him overburdened with cheaply printed CDs, begging anyone who would listen (in perfect idol fashion, however), to âbuy a CD and rescue a poor aspiring idol from her demise.â When merch ran out, he sold anything he could get his hands on (as long as it came with several CDs).
The final nail in the coffin was the first and only concert SALVADOR booked himself, which he spent months preparing and advertising for (in hopes of meeting the third successful performance goal), only to open for a practically empty house composed primarily of drifters and only half-interested strangers (their enthusiasm not at all helped by the physical damage heâd obtained only a few days prior). He went "home" to a warranty expiration warning pushed under the office door, and nothing but empty voicemails from the people who had brought him into the world.
The months following the contractâs expiration remain a dark, hazy blur. Lots of unanswered calls, heart-wrenching notices, and persistent harassment by representatives of the office that had originally leased out SALVADOR's dev kit to begin with. Of course, no one from his agency was around to answer calls, so SALVADOR was left alone to bare the brunt of the responsibility (another point that they leveraged against him in an attempt to get him to retire).
In the midst of it all, SALVADOR started his transition. Months of harassment had brought his emotions to a boiling point (he all but marinated in an ever-constant stew of self-loathing, disgust, and frustration), and though it'd originally been in an attempt to escape the solicitation, cutting his hair ended up shedding some light on everything heâd felt before.
He slipped out of the office in the middle of the night and skipped town, ditching his uniform in favor of a pair of cheap coveralls and taking the first train that would have him. He still remembers staring into his reflection in the window, fans blasting hot air, terrified that he'd made some mistake (but also feeling a kind of lightness and euphoria he'd never felt before).
He ended up settling a couple cities away, far from the heart of the "garage kit idol" phenomenon. Unable to seek repairs for his last minute injuries (and finding that of the few android repair shops there were, none would take him without reassurance that he was still under warranty), he started researching mechanics on his own, patching himself up and offering some services to newfound acquaintances on the side.
In time, his skills had earned him some notorietyâat least to the point that his name had made it to the ears of some powerful friends, who were more than willing to lease him a workshop to continue his craft (the moment he first turned the lights on will remain burned in his memory forever).
And so the new SALVADOR began: a repair mechanic whoâs first job was taking himself apart and rebuilding himself in a new image, completely separate from his idol pastâa past he was certain would remained buried up until a certain former "rival" re-entered his life.
#mio answers things#anon#what do you mean i'm avoiding the fact that i haven't done anything with him in nearly a year#that's completely besides the point pshhh#sarcasm aside oughgh i really do need to get on finishing the wips i have with him hh#i just accidentally got caught in an update cycle and now there are Multiple salvadors on my hard drive KJSFHLJS#perhaps one day they will be on more than just my hard drive ! ! ! !#sdjfglksdf in any event AJKDHLKDAH THANK YOU A A A A#ENJOY THE SALVA-LORE . . . . . .#it is honestly very funny how close this ended up being to rice's nsotf world building#we both simply have huge minds with galaxy potential KSJHJHSF#(for context i wrote all this back in june of 2022 so nsotf was A Thing but its lore hadn't been formalized yet i don't think)#(yeehaw w)#also disclaimer i am a non-binary trans person so this is mostly based on my own feelings regarding being trans#which may not apply as much to a binary trans person sdfkjglkdjf#EDIT: i spent an hour looking for this post because i wanted to read it again and update my doc finally#so i'm tagging it#salvador#salvador lore#SHFGJKHGSFHJSF
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so i um....i got into the goblin camp in bg3, i killed all three of the head honchos (SOMEHOW....), and the fight with minthara was genuinely so nervewracking i thought we would lose until the very moment we beat her. like. jesus christ. i think karlach, gale, and astarion are actually a pretty good team bc i can play both offense AND support so they dont go down lmao but i decided to take a long rest while still in the goblin camp bc its going to be So Fucking Difficult to get out of there. i cleared out the whole temple/main building because i couldnt sneak out. also i saved halsin đ teehee....it was fucking wild man it was sooo much fun i really love turn based combat in crpgs
#i also got a bunch of info from wyll about his father and man wyll is suuuch a good character...i really like him...#his background is interesting and hes such a pleasant person#i want to take both him and shadowheart w me again but man they are both uh. not so good in combat tbh. they go down a lot#anyway. im slowly building up astarions affection meter by tricking people and lying to people lol#i think gale has the highest affection for my tav for sure bc i had him for like two days and he already told me abt his condition and#asked for artefacts. so. and wyll i believe is the second highest. i want to get back in lae'zels good graces but its not easy#sam.txt#anyway jeez these tags are so long. im just feeling really excited abt this game :)#getting into the action was exciting
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#beyond everything else that h///y p////r game looks boring as hell#like yall are really hemming and hawing over not playing the antisemtic game written by a transphobe#and it looks generic as hell#the only appeal is 'you get to explore h*g//w*rts' which#i got that back in like 2007 with a couple tie ins#including a lego one which let you build the magic wizardy stuff and watch as they did magic wizardy stuff#this of course was back before jowling kowling was an out and out transphobe and also i was in middle school#but yeah that new game sure looks okay#like yep gonna plop down $70 whole dollars (which is fucked in its own right but thats a games industry thing)#to play this okay looking game that directly supports transphobia in the uk and is antisemtic besides#i am staking my moral worth on this#and do not talk to me about alternatives like piracy or buying second hand- i do not care#i honestly truly do not care if you are paid to play the game#its your time#just again outside of the ~controversy~ it looks so generic#and do not come into my inbox to explain to me- a nonbinary person who has a lot of family memory tied in this franchise- why you feel like#it should be okay for you to play it#trust me- this franchise is a source of pain for me in more ways than one#do not look to me for absolution#honestly i may filter the tags for it b/c im sick of hearing about it even being decried by allies#most of whom seem more invested in dunking on h///r p////r fans than actually helping trans people#heavily censored tag rant b/c lord knows i dont have the patience to deal with this hornets nest
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in love with your novels in the tags, they're so much fun to read - @softvikings
thank you!!! i have so much fun writing them and i love hearing that they bring other people joy as well, these are Our Tag Novels now đ„čđđ„°
#you GUYS cannot keep getting away with this. youâre gonna make my heart explode đđđ#keyboard WHEN can i have a butterfly hearts emoji. please!!! đŠđ«§đâš#i am gonna wax poetic a little bit about community and joy and also this is your standard personal update in the tags so skip if ur want#but i have been in the process of a really big change in my life!! kinda struggling!! feeling a little scared and lonely!!!#and then i get to come here and hang out with all of you who left me such lovely messages and i get to share in the collaborative joy#of creation and interaction in so many ways#(case in point!! you reblogged a post i rambled about with something that just set me off in a WHOLE new fun direction [that post is on its#way lol] and itâs just so fun to see everyone build off of each other and share and make such beautiful work. as always i love you gifmakers#i love you writers I love you artists I love you archivists I love you video transcribers and article translators and readers & commenters#& all the infinite ways that you can share and be creative with each other!! I love you human connection and love.) anyway. sappy as all#get out and i AM about to put my ass to bed and wake up and answer everything else and post everything else tomorrow but i had to get it#out into the world hanif abdurraqib style that i love you and i love yâall#liv in the replies#softvikings#do NOT let me forget to come here tomorrow. i have a post thatâs been waiting a week because i missed wip Wednesday i canât do it again đđ#dear nosy anon i did not forget you i promise i just wanted to abide by the tumblr days of the week schedule đđ i see you i love you bestie#anyway again good night sleep tight i will be tucked up snug as a bug and cozy replaying all the messages in my head.#if you have a favorite Novel tell me!!! i want to know and odds are so good i want to daydream about it with you!! thatâs how i met laura đ#& also how i started talking to c &songs&swords &tofumilanesa &alexandra &everyone lol. as mentioned i will Yap &I love listening to u too
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i love how at the beginning of 4.5, and i found the new books in genshin i called arlecchino having some connection to khaenriah cause there were just far too many funny little coincidences, and the closer to 4.6 we get the more correct i have been proven to be
and no, this doesnt even include her leaked voiceline about Pierro
im just waiting for the blatant confirmation at this point
#jordans bitching again#not tagging this but if someone finds this and wants me to explain i guess i will#id say the voiceline is confirmation but âbackgroundâ is a bit too vague of wording for my liking#with everything else though its just another addition to my pile of evidence that i am right#meanwhile in my own personal au land my own lore and world building keeps also being weirdly accurate to the canon lore#as its been revealed as version 4 has continued and I'm living for it
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#another thing that drives me crazy us that some parts of fandom made ut hard for ne to enjoy things I like#for example when series 2 only came out I was invested into all edits with sad songs#about how Aziraphale loves angel!Crowley and demon!Crowley suffers#and than you came into tegs and apparently some people will argue that it's canon and not angsty au#*tags#and now it leaves bad taste in my mouth#or like. brainwashed Aziraphale ir Aziraphale that scared and under treat can be tasty concepts#while it's treated as 'what if' and not as 'it's clearly canon and we will build all our understanding of his character on it'#or Aziraphale's black and white thinking or him still believing that angels are (should be) inherently good and heavens are better than hel#I think it is canon! it did played it's part in final fifteen! but I can't say it because I think it's neutral or even lovable part of#Aziraphale as character (sure real life person would be insufferable with thanking like this. but also I would kill someone real who drives#like Crowley! who cares!) and you can't put it in tags without treating this either as flaw he will and *should* overcome#or proof of him being bad/stupid/abusive#like I don't care!! I want to say 'look at him my baby thinks he's the smartest and most holy being in this room' and boop his little nose#I can't even enjoy angsty headcanons about Crowley being miserable without Aziraphale#because one they treat this as being Aziraphale's fault and two it's again treated as canon#like I can take only so much fucs where Crowley lays face down into pool of his tears thinking that he's the poores lost puppy ever being#while not giving two fucks about Aziraphale being in danger him own being asshole to him in final fifteen and oh yes SECOND COMING AROUND#anyway yes I'm a weak link and should be eliminated yes yes#yrs I block and try to not engage and after some weeks I tentatively ready to enjoy *some* of this things again#but yes I still want to complain!!#no people doesn't do anything wrong bu engaging with canon the way they find enjoyable#I can't stress enough that it's a me problem#but of course my hatred turned onto imaginary enemy
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