#and also bc... there's infinite ways to be queer. there's also infinite ways to NOT be queer.

[risingsunresistance]

wanted to make a fun doodle for pride when i woke up this morning but i left my ipad at the house :V

[echthr0s]

like the concept of being clocked as queer is so weird to me bc what are the signals. aside from literally putting on a pride flag pin or something, there is really no reliable sign of queerness and the idea that there IS is kinda. sus

[jeonscatalyst]

as someone whos been on army twitter since 2018, it only seems like armys dont support jikook's bond the way jikookers do is because shippers are in a sub-fandom and within that subfandom they are in an echo chamber. its nothing unusual it's in literally every fandom but thats the only reason lol. like taekookers are saying the exact same thing, that the fandom is full of jikookers and everyone dismisses taekooks bond. solos and shippers all have their own "evidence" and "proof" or armys "not defending ___", and 9.9/10 its something 1) armys have never seen or even heard about bc twitter and the internet is a biiiig space or 2) something taken completely out of context. i like to be in this tag bc ive been an ot7 biased army since 2019 with jikook being my fav duo, and while i dont care to know if theyre in a relationship with each other, its not something crazy either because friends to lovers is like the oldest trope ever and also theyd be cute as hell together lmao. i dont follow any solo focused accounts or pairing accounts, literally only armys and when are you sure came out my tl looked like this tag 😭. armys are well aware of jikook's bond and are supportive of it, the issue is taekookers. i could make a thread of vmin, namkook, sope are married and get 10k likes, but i couldnt do that bc of taekookers. theyd swarm the quotes and no thats not armys doing it or armys fault, thats the twitter algorithm being 100000000x worst after elon musty took over bc it was not like that at *all* pre-him. with likes being hidden and the algo pushing deplorable disgusting terrible tweets, it makes it infinitely harder to take accts down.

also its like the way straight armys and lgbtq+ armys experience being a fan. you notice subtexts and clues that may or may not actually be there or mean what you think/want it to mean but its still your fandom experience and youre able to talk about it with other like-minded people. perfect example for this: like crazy. the queer coded-ness of it all, the makeup & earing on one side, jimin in my eyes created the bisexual Iliad in song form ! but thats not how most het armys wouldve viewed it at all, and that doesnt even mean my interpretation of it is correct or the only way to view it. im not going to look down on those who viewed it differently. so shippers are experiencing something different; they watch their pairing to see how they look at each other, touch each other, speak to each other, treat each other compared to everyone else. armys simply arent doing all that; and that doesnt mean we dont care or that shippers love them more (lol), it just means that within the shipping culture and sub-fandom, thats what yall do. which is cool, but like i said its not the *only* way an army can love and appreciate their bond. there's also the echo chamber aspect of the subfandom culture i didnt really get into but it also plays a huge part in why jikookers think armys dismiss or dont love jikook in the same way jikookers do. all this isn't necessarily a slight against you but i think conversations like these are necessary bc talking points like "armys dont actually like seeing jikook together" or "majority of the fabdom is taekookers who hate jikook" are extreeeemely slippery slopes that discourage any type of meaningful thought, and only encourages and eggs on solo rhetoric, which as we hopefully all know is directly antithetical to what any of the boys would ever want.

Hi anon,

I completely understand the points you’ve made, and I do agree with you to an extent. It’s true that in every sub-fandom within the main fandom, whether it’s Taekookers, Jikookers, other shippers, or solos, everyone essentially complains about the same issues, each armed with their own “proof” to justify their arguments. That part, I fully agree with.

However, while I see your point, I do want to emphasize that Jikook’s bond is often undermined by many within the fandom. And it’s not just Taekookers or solos; even some OT7 fans contribute to this. The reasons for this vary. Yes, you’ll find other groups complaining about the same things we do, but when you dig deeper to understand their grievances, it often turns out to be something taken out of context or just bitterness over someone highlighting Jikook or saying something positive about their bond.

The truth is that Jikook’s bond stirs mixed feelings in this fandom for many reasons. It has never been the simplest relationship to understand…or even to love, if I’m being honest. Many people join fandoms and sub-fandoms as an escape from real life issues, seeking something that feels lighthearted, comforting, or entertaining in their spare time. Because of this, a lot of people dislike grappling with more complex dynamics like Jikook’s. They either reject it outright because they don’t understand it or ignore it altogether. This lack of understanding often leads to their bond being undermined.

Jikook’s dynamic has historically made many people uncomfortable for a variety of reasons that I won’t delve into here. But when we talk about this fandom ignoring or undermining their bond, there is more than enough evidence to support that claim.

In contrast, what’s complicated or complex about Taekook? Their dynamic is fun, easygoing, and comforting, qualities that are universally appealing. There’s no need to overthink their interactions or navigate any layers of complexity when watching them. Everything that has ever appeared complex about those two is largely a result of shippers fabricating explanations to reconcile their behavior with the expectations of a romantic dynamic. These narratives are often crafted to justify why they don’t exhibit the typical actions or interactions one might expect from a couple… I.e Taekook not seen spending much time with each other = the company separating them or regulating their interactions on camera. Most people in the fandom, except for some Jikookers and solos, have no reason not to enjoy their dynamic. An easy way to see this is by observing the response to their content. A Taekooker can make up lies, edit photos, or take moments out of context, and it will gain over 20k likes, with the fandom eagerly eating it up. Meanwhile, Jikookers can post real, authentic moments of Jikook, only to have their posts reported. So, no, for the most part, Taekookers don’t have a strong basis for their claims. (This isn’t the bone of contention but just had to mention this)

I also agree with you that many fans don’t pay attention to the same things shippers and solos focus on. Sometimes they’re simply unaware of certain dynamics, which can come across as indifference. I also don’t entirely agree with the narrative that ARMYs dislike seeing Jikook together. I’ve seen the fandom be supportive of Jikook as a duo but I still firmly believe Jikook is one of the pairs whose bond is most heavily undermined. A clear example of this is how much of the fandom dismisses Jikook’s interactions as mere fanservice, simply because some of their moments appear too “intimate” or “gay” for their liking.

This is definitely a topic that deserves more discussion because there’s so much to unpack here.

[andrew-rannells-mustache]

Insane question here but I need a distraction from election stuff rn soooooo:

Bonus, if you’re in the mood to speculate/ramble/what-have-you:

If you think Tozer’s queer in some way (or maybe just uhh. The kind of guy to hook up with his bros bc there’s no other options at sea) how do you think he conceptualizes being queer and/or having sex with other men? Do you think there’s some repression/period-typical internalized homophobia there, or do you think he’s more casual about it?

If you don’t think Tozer is queer that’s totally fine too! I’d still like to hear your thoughts if you wanna share them <3

[fiyaerrigan]

re: BuckTommy 8x06 and the Interviews

First point: I hesitate to say Oliver's response was biphobic

We don't know the man??? He could literally be bisexual (and guess what, it would be none of our damn business!) But within the context of "he has said he wanted change for his character and what he says in this recent interview directly contradicts that" I do have my gripes.

Second point: To me, the execution of this sucked.

Normally (as a resident Messy Bitch who likes seeing shit in her Complicated Fucked Up Life reflected in media) I live for drama and I live for narratives taking me wherever the wind takes them! but there was something so BLUNT and RAW about this that i cannot feel settled or satisfied with it (esp taking into account that, as noted before, this is a direct contradiction of what people IN the show have said they wanted for Buck) because it was SUCH a tonal shift from where they left off the previous episode.

I try to be gracious and remind myself that network TV has to deal with sudden changes that affect the way they go forward with planned storylines, but this was kinda ass, right down to the wire.

Assuming that it WASN'T a sudden change and that this *was* how they wanted everything to wrap up, I feel like it really could have been written with more consideration. It's one thing to pick up from where s7 left off and have their relationship in s8 be something along the lines of “we keep trying but it isnt working out” and then culminate in a breakup, but it's another entirely to break them up and...

Have Tommy's character interactions *still* be intertwined with Eddie (when it would have been more of a soft exit thing to treat Eddie's friendship in the same "implied presence" way they do with Hen and Chim rather than giving them scenes where Tommy and Eddie interact directly) as recently as the previous episode. Like at that point you've established an additional relationship for the guest character to have with the main cast, and given that relationship more recent screentime than any of his previous friendships, which THEN makes his departure have multiple fallouts to address

Have Buck be on the verge of a momentous confession when said breakup happens, because GOD that just hurts

From a writing perspective, you're leaving loose ends that are (imo) not going to really lead viewers to sit well with the story going forward?

On a personal level, even if (by some miracle) we still end up with Buck in a queer relationship despite the looming storm for LGBT media in the US, I'm probably not gonna be able to look at whatever relationship happens after this without feeling some sort of sting. I'm all for writers planning out stuff to happen in advance, but they could have spelled out the end for Buck and Tommy in SO MANY ways that would have been less bitter.

Like, fuck. Even if it WAS a sudden change, there are ways that this COULD have worked decently even *with* a single episode to wrap up the BT relationship.

You could have Put Tommy On A Bus for [insert serious reason that Buck can't argue with] here and that (at the very least) would soften the blow bc at least the loose ends are explained by "oh, *no one* who's close with this character is able to interact with them" and that would have hurt slightly less?

You could have killed Tommy off and that would have been INFINITELY better than this IMO because at least sudden death seems more realistic an ending (as far as the weewooverse is concerned) compared to "these two characters break up but somehow we're supposed to forget that he's also friends w his ex's bff and there are Ramifications (tm)."

Hell, I'm not big on Buddie but it could have brought Eddie and Buck closer via grief bonding, if that's what the writers wanted? idefk.

Overall, this Sucks.

I'm gonna try to stop looking at my weewoo tags for the time being and focus on stuff that brings me joy (like content from old fandoms where I Haven't Been Hurt Yet lol) and spend some time away from the show for a bit.

Honestly, for me, s8's main sticking points were the BT relationship and whatever the fuck those two had going on with Eddie. My personal sticking points for the entire series (found family vs. blood family juxtaposition, breaking the cycle, and group hijinks) don't seem to be the focus in s8 thus far so I'm not too keen on watching the show as intensely as I have been, going forward. Hit me up if they bring Chris back or if the 8x06 interviews are smoke and mirrors (though I don't think they are) but otherwise I'm gonna go back to weewoo-ing through dashboard osmosis.

I still have BT and weewoo plotbunnies in my drafts, and I don't see myself abandoning those completely! I think, after some time, I see myself coming back to that creative space, even if I'm not following canon super closely. Of course, my ass never finishes anything, so whether I finish and post those WIPS is another thing entirely.

Peace out, friends?

[goomyloid]

hi sorry if this is a lot BUT! i have really enjoyed your art for a while and for some reason only now thought to actually go thru your blog.. i saw you tag a lot of things as kriselle and i found your post explaining that and. yeah i think i get you

bc like to me im not a fan of them romantically unless it’s specifically focusing on the fucked-upness of snowgrave. in that case it hurts but it’s like. reeeaaally interesting

but they’re also like. they can’t be accurately described as “friends.” they’re so close and so far from one another. they grew up together. they both know things nobody else does. they understand each other better than anyone else. and yet they haven’t talked much in years. noelle questions if kris is even her friend. they’re not quite friends but also, of course they are, how could they ever not be

anyways all this to say umm. kris and noelle make one go insane

hiii!! thank you for enjoying my art firstly 🥺🥺🥺 i have a disease and its called draw kris and noelle as many times as humanly possible. i am indeed insane

when it comes to pairings i think it might just be the gray area between (or outside of) friendship and romance that is unexplainable and comforting but still strange (this is a pattern ive noticed for almost all pairings i like, romantic or not...) like just being able to look at a couple of characters and recognize the unique closeness they have with each other...

that being said i will support romantic kriselle shippers till my dying breath LMAO its just not My Vision (you get me)... i think i ended up saying this on twitter a couple times but whatever those two have going on in the estranged childhood friends department is just infinitely more interesting to me LOL. and it becomes easier to tag things as kriselle even if theyre literally Just Standing In the Same Image Together

(i actually filled out one of my own ship charts for them, and when i posted it i was very nervous about somehow multi-track drifting into simultaneously disappointing everyone in some way (for being an apparent kriselle shipper and/or not actually shipping them romantically) So it makes me happy that people out there understand where im coming from with my interpretations of them...)

Also yes i love the weird fucked up romantic implications of snowgrave a lot lol. its HORRIBLE and im obsessed with it. kris putting a ring on noelle's finger and neither of them are happy about it. hand in unlovable hand and all that. as hellspawnmotel once put it, they get forced into this extremely strange and uncomfortable, almost heteronormative husband-and-wife (again ring imagery) kind of vision Which is so horribly unsettling considering theyre just two queer kids trying to exist (something something kris getting commonly misgendered with he/him and noelle having a very obvious crush on another girl). as a nonbinary lesbian it almost comes off as this really fucked up correctionist way of playing where noelle just becomes a romanceable option, not to kris but to the PLAYER and kris is just forced to go along with it. it SUCKS. and its SO interesting to me i cant stop thinking about it after THREE YEARS.

omfg i did not mean to write so much sirry. this is what happens when you talk to me about kriselle btw. Ty for the ask!!!

[biracy]

This is vaguing multiple things and is also a general statement I've made before, so, once again: The way people on here talk So fucking detrimentally about "virgins" leaves such a bad taste in my mouth. This website is all "this is the neurodivergent autism website!" and "It's okay to experience typical 'teenage' things in your 20s and beyond if you're A Queer! Your life doesn't end at 25!" until someone hasn't had "regular sex", ESPECIALLY if they dare to post horny things and be conscious of their own sexuality without having had "regular sex". People on here love endorsing the social construct of "virginity" if it means they can Epically Own "fandom losers"/"terminally online losers"/even that fuckin article about how people only like Harry Styles bc they haven't had "real sex". It's just so deeply uncompassionate to "the queer transgender mentally ill neurodivergent autism website" and also just such a reductive way of looking at sexuality I'm sorry. "You can't know anything about your own sexuality or your sexual preferences until you've had REAL SEX to the standard I approve of" is going to be infinitely more "loserly" to me than idk. Someone daring to call themselves a top as "a virgin"

[oathofkaslana]

im the first person to criticize the way mhy deals w queerness (ive made multiple posts on how i find the sexualizaton of the minors and the sexualization of lesbianism gross) but i neeeeeed white queers to understand that at the end of the day mhy is not homophobic like yeah no shit theyve done fucked up shit but acting like all of their wlw things have been queerbait is inaccurate. people who say this dont know shit abt hi3. you havent even played the fucking game!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! bc if you did you would understand that the queer relationships in hi3's main game are written w so much respect and clearly valued by the writers. they're serious about it! like. parts from the game i dont see mentioned a lot:

they have an ongoing leitmotif related to happy moments and reunions and in kiana and mei's reunion in chapter 32, they composed a backtrack specifically for it w that leitmotif! its also the only official ost w that leitmotif that they released! and they titled it "i'm back, kiana"

kiana and mei have a moment in ch 32 where they both confess and reinforce that they are the most important and beautiful parts of the world to the other.

i have my gripes w azure waters and the way it portrays sex and sa but the bronseele kiss was always portrayed as something innocent and serious. its not treated as a joke nor is it fetishized and it means infinitely more to the characters than to straight audiences (it literally being a part of their promise which motivates bronya and seele to survive throughout the time theyre apart.)

[skywomb]

I kind of hate when ppl assume im nonbinary (even tho that is maybe the better approach when meeting ppl for the first time before you know for sure what their identity is) because when it’s applied to me it often feels like they will see that I don’t wear makeup or shave my legs or dress overtly femininely and they think oh there’s no way that person is a woman. Like it feels like the implication is that bc I am not participating in a lot of western society’s beauty norms for women that automatically makes some ppl think I am not a woman, when in reality I am just a bitch who is existing…and of course you can also be gender non conforming and still a woman etc etc like there are an infinite number of ways to be a woman and express that.

could be overthinking it tho bc ofc I am queer and almost all my friends are nb and/or queer and that is maybe just a normal assumption to make based on the company I keep, but idk it’s felt weird in the past

[mr-aftons-rotting-pussy]

can u pinpoint inspo? whether heavy or not wt is so weird and vast i kinda just wanna know where this.... how did it get like this..... and or / where did it rlly start ? simple stuff like what character did u make first or really expand on if canon ? r there any characters you just specifically attach to and... may there be a running theme..... raises eyebrow...

also LMAO this is rlly fast but i have like nothin else 2 do :3>

YAYAYYAYAY<3333 oh boy!!! Wt takes insp form A LOT of my interests I couldnt rlly pinpoint one specific thing it's based off of... Sum of my biggest insp that comes 2 mind rn tho r:

Wristcutrers: a love story, every my chemical romance track, German industrial metal in particular but also I'm a HUGE metalhead<3, repo: the genetic opera, speculative biology(my wifee<33), blood. gore gay sex. lol., sonic......... LOL, AND LUK. ten million mot etchings I profess my love for openly<33 I'm v honest abt my interests if anything,,,,,

Where is started ermmmm!!!! Actually wt is a huge mix of. A lot of different aus I've had for manyyyyyy many years. Wt is itsoen thing but kinda doubles as my Canon if u get what I mean. A lot of stuff abt the aus it's made of sadly got deleted w my og blog but u can still find oalylists n shit on Spotify n whatever. Wt started formally I think like a year ago?? Couple years ago???? I was still in my mcrhead era ik this meansnothing to you but u know. Iwbskbdjdb basically I just wanted to make an au that actually had like, a storyline..... Most of my aus r centered around v specific concepts. So I took a lot of those from my other aus n put them into my Canon of sorts n I men..... Here we r lol<33 :3c

Wt was always a shadow and infinite centered thing. I rlly started working on wt the way we see it now in my infinadow era so it was always abt them form the start<33 I'm kess into the ship like I used to be but I still DEEPLY care abt the characters n their relationship to each other even if it's not as romantic as I use dto be abt it u know :) nowadays it's wayyyt more infinite focused(as I've stated bc of the above reasons but also like. I've been hyperfixated on him for going on five years now..... He's my one and only<333) he's the official main character now but shadow is still an integral part of it 2 me,,

Kind of the same answer for the specific character attachment one INFINITEEEEEE INFINITEEEEE he's beenthe center of all my aus since like. Going on what?? Five or so years now??????? It's wild.... Lol. Anyways!! Shadow. Infinite. Wave. Fang, n silver n my special guys.... I have such a specific attachment 2 them it's weird. I don't explain it. I luv them..... They're The characters I think abt when I have new weird shit on my mind... U get it. Lol.

ALSO LOL???? KNAO???????? perhaps there's. Arunning theme....<- guy obsessed w themes n narratives l. Blood guts n gay sex r integral to my creative works, and I mean that.... If it's not bloody at least a little sexual or homierotuc n have graphic violence I did not make it. Skbsjsbdh. I guess....... Idk......... It's kinda hard 2 explain but I put. A lot of myself into my works. It's personal to an extent I also rlly like highly fictionalized stuff caus edit silly to explore real shit in a heightened sense n whatnot but like. Like. Idk. Lol. There's a lot of identity stuff in wt, I have a specific fixation in clones n robots(if u can't tell) n a lot of that comes from me n my weird queer n mental ill ess shit dibdjdh n a plethora of other things u know. I write for myself in an extremely literally sense first n worry abt mass appeal later(or never.. kamo)

[welcome-to-the-petting-zoo]

Looking back on my life now, I'm seeing how formative it was to me to follow this blog. You presented challenging texts on psychology and queer activism, and gave me an example of a polyamorous life far richer than I could allow myself to imagine. From the bottom of my heart: Thank you. I wish you well. Thank you. How are you doing? Thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you

Hi Frozenbasalt!! Cat ( @neuroglitch ) here! Thank you so much for this wonderful message! It means the world to me - us - that this blog was able to provide you with something that was helpful and formative to you ❤️ I sent it in the group chat and it's much appreciated!

While none of us have been very active on this blog, nor have we been making updates to the podcast for years by now, it's not because we aren't doing well, it's just that other projects took precedence and in some ways it's hard to come back to something like this years later, when everything has changed but also everything is the same. Also there definitely have been some rough patches of life where the energy just hasn't been there. But running this blog + making the podcast is a very dear memory to me and I'm so proud and happy to hear that it was helpful to someone!

I still live with Moose and Hound+TP&Co. Moose ( @moose-mousse ) finished his education and got a job as an engineer. The firm is kinda crazy, but hey, they pay him, so that's good :p He's doing a lot better overall now that uni isn't constantly fucking him over anymore.

I finished my education as a psychologist, but ended up on disability pension for now. I'm working hard on making time for my own projects and dreams, but it's a work in progress, especially as I've been struggling a lot with negative symptoms and/or executive dysfunction for a while.

Hound and TP are now more of a collective than they used to be (lots of new and old faces) but at the same time they also have less in terms of dissociative amnesiac barriers between them, and can better be described as a collective rather than two very seperate people who never get to hang out. This past year they've gotten back into driving around the countryside on a scooter, and they have collected an infinite amount of pebbles. Also he's 2 years on T!

The wonderful Bear ( @prygelknabe ) has found work helping students with special needs get through high school. They are on a type of partial disability called flex job, where they work 18 hours but get paid full-time. They are also rediscovering their kink social life and figuring out how to live their best life!

Bat ( @the-life-of-bat ) is learning how to draw, making a comic, doing an internship at a comic book store and more. She has long since recovered fully from surgery and it's been awesome to see her grow. And it's been great for the two of us to be able to meet each other on more equal footing ❤️

Katten is still going strong at @compassionatereminders , bless her - she was broken up with by her long-term bf, but as a result, she is also having a glowup bc dude was kinda .. uninspiring. She went down in medication, has had more energy as a result, and now she's starting to get involved with the local political scene and stuff!

and Lynx is trying to get back to the job market after a lengthy battle with her mental health + immigration services trying to throw her out of the country. Definitely early stages of picking things back up, but there's a momentum now and there's a sense of depression lifting.

This all to say, that yes, ofc we are all facing challenges, and have been as well, but there's good to be found in everyone's narrative too, and we are still in each other's lives, and there's love and care to go around!

I hope you are also doing well! I'm always happy to see you in my notifications, and this message means a lot to me. Thank you for sharing!

[because-its-eurovision]

[kicks down your door] I HEARD YOUR ANXIETY WAS TALKIN SHIT AND IM HERE TO THROW HANDS WITH IT

okay first off, I know how you feel, and you know that I know cus you've seen me have anxiety episodes with these similar feelings of not being good enough or being unimportant or unwanted during out shared time in BC fandom. so I would like to start just by squeezing your hand and reminding you that you're not alone or the only one to occasionally feel this way, your feelings are valid and you're allowed to feel them, even tho they're not based on anything rational and you don't deserve to feel like that, because you are important and valued by the people around you.

you don't owe a participation fee to be part of a fandom. not in money, not by dedicating a certain number of hours, not by creating a specific amount of content, not by reaching some threshold of followers to be considered popular enough to participate. if you like the thing, you qualify. that's all there is. also, fandom is not a limited space with a numbered seats where one person's involvement is somehow taking room from anybody else. fandom is a universe that expands infinitely as more and more people join. it's impossible to take up space that you wouldn't deserve, because there is always more room for everybody to join.

furthermore, I may not be in the Käärijä fandom but I've been lucky to share fandom(s) with you in the past, and I've seen the way you contribute. you have always been one of the nicest, most welcoming, supportive people around, you're so willing to answer everyone's questions and welcome them into your space, and I don't think you even realize how important it is to have people like that in fandoms. the love and kindness and encouragement you show to others has not gone unnoticed, and that is also a way of contributing, and something I've seen you do so much for as long as I've known you. I mean, where in the hell else am I supposed to throw my dumb ESC questions at? people are scary, so I need someone nice and easy to approach. I need you. so your claim about how you don't do your part is, with all due love and respect, complete bullshit anyway <3 you do more than enough, you just don't see it yourself.

last but not least, Käärijä gigs may be queer safe spaces, but they're not queer exclusive. in fact, very few, if any, queer spaces in the world are ever exclusive - even pride parades, drag shows or gay bars aren't, straight cis people who have the basic decency and respect towards the culture are welcomed to those too. so for a music show by an artist that, afaik, isn't even openly queer himself? you're absolutely 100% allowed to go and enjoy your time. it is your space just as much as everyone else's.

you're a fucking gift and the Käärijä fandom is fucking blessed to have you. I'm aggressively kissing your forehead and I hope you can make it and have fun at the cruise. you deserve it. 🖤

Coming from you, this means so much 🥺 and you just reached out to be nice and give encouraging words?? 😭🖤 You're the person I looked up to the most when BCtumblr was in its most active phase, and still do, because you always have your way with words and take time to be wise and insightful and kind to everyone passing by despite battling your own anxiety demons, and I know you have it so much worse than I do which again makes me feel guilty for complaining and extremely grateful for you being so supportive.

I'm just so tired of feeling ashamed of myself and like I'm never good enough, and the constant voice in my head telling that I should be funnier and nicer and braver and prettier and more outgoing and spontaneous, and you telling me that I'm kind and friendly is so nice but strange because I do not see that side in myself at all, and I maybe feel like being welcoming or answering asks isn't tangible enough?? Like you know as opposed to producing content, because I can't draw or write fics or make tiktok edits or memes or be the first to post or comment something, and while I do know it's not demanded and nobody gives a rat's ass about what I do or don't do or post, I kind of feel responsible to pay back to the fandom(s) that have given me so much. I believe that the feeling of never doing or being enough or the pressure of being constantly present isn't a fandom-specific problem but a part of everyday life now, for me at least, but in fandom spaces, bubbles, it is somehow more concentrated.

I'm also feeling constantly guilty about being white and cis and straight and healthy because there are so many around me that are not and a having hard times because of that, and I try to do my best for making the world a better place and be a good ally and a decent person, but I'm just one guy and I'm exhausted, and even right now there are multiple anon asks in my box calling me out and saying I'm disgusting because I'm not saying what they want to hear and posting the kind of content they'd like to see from me, and. it's just too much. i'm so tired of being alive sometimes.

Thank you for being in my life, Abby. Ily 🖤

[creativemorningsvancouver]

The global theme for August is ‘pride’ and we are thrilled to host the queer, afro-Caribbean poet, creative facilitator, curator, consultant, educator, and arts community advocate, Jillian Christmas.

Christmas is the long-time spoken word curator of the Vancouver Writers Fest, and former artistic director of Verses Festival of Words. Utilizing an anti-oppressive lens, Jillian has performed and facilitated workshops across North America. She is the author of The Gospel of Breaking (Arsenal Pulp Press 2020), and the children’s book, The Magic Shell (Flamingo Rampant Press 2022) and the 2021 winner of the League of Canadian Poets’ Sheri-D Wilson Golden Beret Award for spoken word poetry. She lives on the unceded territories of the Squamish, Tsleil-Waututh and Musqueam people (Vancouver, BC.)

Every month we like to ask our speakers a handful of probing questions to give us a deeper glimpse into their life and relationship with creativity:

How do you define creativity and apply it in your life and career? For me creativity is the ability to dip a spoon, or perhaps a palm into the pool of the universe, into the energy that connects us all, and pull up something beyond our own imaginations. For me, one of the ways I regularly access that space is to get very, very quiet. Quiet enough that I can hear beyond the world, beyond myself, into whatever is on the other side.

Where do you find your best creative inspiration or energy? I spiral my mind around the things I know and love. I meditate. And when a question arises from within, I let my mind visit and explore and shift perspective, until the question itself also becomes a thing I know and love… even when there is no answer, there is still the desire to ask.

What’s one piece of creative advice or a tip you wish you’d known as a young person? There is nothing to “figure out”, just do and be, and cherish what you love. The rest is noise.

Who (living or dead) would you most enjoy hearing speak at CreativeMornings? Carmen Aguire

What’s the craziest thing you’ve ever done? Literally lost my mind.

What was the best advice you were ever given? Don’t take yourself too seriously - Dad

What books made a difference in your life and why? “I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings” taught me that we can change and grow in infinite ways..

[ineffabildaddy]

aaaah thank u soso much!!! u were one of the first go blogs i followed and your content was such a warm welcome into the fandom<3

gonna gush about a few of my faves:

@sad-chaos-goblin hasn't been active for a little bit but i eagerly await her return, she's one of the best people i've met online and i always say that if i never used tumblr again i'd be fine with it bc i met her and jack (raining-stars-somewhere-else, he doesn't have a blog atm)

@foolishlovers and @omens-for-ophelia the michael sheen and david tennant to my neil gaiman!! both such such talented and fun individuals who just Get Me on every level and i'm really really happy i've found them. the Infinite Creative Feedback Loop between us is crazy but more important than that, i feel like i can tell them anything without judgement and they're so so supportive<3 very enriching friends to have in every way

@crowleyslvt and @voluptatiscausa what would i do without my horny bois?? so glad i dmed you both on separate occasions, decided we'd make an iconic trio and asked gio to make a gc. talking hcs with gio singlehandedly got me thru my top surgery recovery and my first good memory regarding vol is me crying cathartically in my grandparents' spare bedroom reading one of their fics. both life-changing individuals thank u very much. so much love and azfirmation in our little circle

@queer-reader-07 and @bowtiepastabitch i literally get so excited when either of these lovely legends interacts with my posts because i'm always dying to hear what they have to say, they're both such amazingly kind and intelligent and perceptive people who actively choose to further their educations culturally and academically in a really admirable way!! huge huge fan of both of their brains and also their hearts and i wanna give them both huge hugs

@crowleyholmes was one of the first people to encourage my writing and she's such a friendly and welcoming presence!! also she just has her head screwed on in a way i admire so greatly dfkjkgd. her work contains some of my favourite art ever, especially the jane austen comic - that's one i think of a lot, and i admire her creative skills and her style so much!!!

@crawley-fell, @fagaziraphale @robinwithay and @fearandhatred are the funniest people and they all just make me glad i'm still using this hellsite in this day and age lol. they're all collectively the voice of reason when the discourse starts discoursing too and that's so important to me babes

@captainblou @ineffable-rohese @brenna @tangerine-ginger we just have the same brains when it comes to crowley and az's nasty little sex life and that makes me very happy thank you. so happy to have found my target audience

@portraitofalonelydyke she's the kindest of souls and she's very very very thoughtful!!! just really wanna be more like her, also her takes are always The Most Correct and she's clearly just one of those people who can and does touch grass on a regular basis which we love because some of this fandom.... sigh dkgfdkjkld

i could go on indefinitely so i'll stop here ehehehe

[possibilistfanfiction]

(1/2) Yeah absolutely, I get what you mean with Ava just being blissed out by Beatrice. I guess I phrased it wrong, not necessarily about directly comparing B to a bro, but it's more like, I wonder if Ava - in the same way that Beatrice is allowed to explore her identity - if Ava allows herself be introspective and examine her own attraction and ~types, so to speak. But maybe it's not needed?

(2/2) Like is Ava in the gog so on the other side of identity acceptance that she can just be ~present with B and isn't really hung up on a needing to further explore herself within the relationship? Like that natural freedom she has to her helps her make peace with concepts comes to her much faster and more naturally than B? (Also thank u for ur time u legend)

ok i'm not Entirely sure what this is getting at but just to clarify a few things that i think it's asking:

1 ava's experience of/with queerness is profoundly different than bea's. i don't think that ava's ever struggled with being queer any more than she's struggled with not having the access to experience everything she wants. for ava, desire is so integral to her ability to experience what life is ('i want to live') without systemic, more than any, limitations, & so it makes sense that queerness would just be a part of how to fully access pleasure & want & love & safety. (there's so much more in here about how if ava had been given care & access then being disabled wouldn't have taken away any huge degree of pleasure from her life, but that's for another day! whew.) bea's experience with queerness is one of fear, of it being 'a flaw,' one that made her feel not valued, not worthy. so even just within their characters, i don't think that ava's exploration of queerness is internal so much as it is just... getting to feel the things that come along with love, especially queer love. bea's is allowing herself to be who she is, in whatever way that may be or look at the time. also, ava is white, & bea is Asian, & there's cultural & systemic harms that come along with intersections of identity (including ava's disability too, of course). so i think ava's queerness is an external exploration, in a way, & bea's is just like. letting herself feel anything at all, & then working for that to be positive.

2 listen... ava isn't on love island lmao.

she liked JC, maybe even loved him in a way, & then Fell IN LOVE with bea. even if she did have 'types' (which is like... beyond a little laugh, kind of weird in most cases), i really just do not fuck with the idea that masc of center women, especially butches & dykes, are in the same category as cis men. butches & dykes are like... god tier (so are femmes, y'all know i love u!). but like, even if ava DID have types, bea with short hair & a good pair of pants isn't anywhere close to JC in any categorization?? maybe if ava was like hmm soft butches?? hot.... bea, tasha cloud.... awesome. but bea & a boy. no. i think ava's 'type' is just people who show her patience & kindness & are funny & smart. beyond that, she's just glad she's hot & they're hot

3 there are so many ways — infinite ways!!!! — to be butch! & they're all beautiful & they're all hard to come to! i think i write abt bea's queerness bc a) i love writing abt being butch bc i love being butch lol; b) being butch is abt private decisions you have to make, all the fucking time! how do u want ppl to read you as a woman/dfab person who isn't a trans man but like... doesn't feel like a CIS WOMAN? do u feel safe to be masc? what does androgyny & masculinity look like TO YOU? butchness for me is actually so fucking soft, & wonderful. i don't picture (or write) bea as a stone or hard butch; there's a comfortable breath of an in-between there: cottons & linens & soft hair & clean skin, a big bed, a little mascara, the very rare suit but not often, & only for events. it's on purpose, bc i think ppl often have a p reductive view of masculinity & butchness, & femininity & femmeness, & all the gentleness that exists in being a dyke kind of gets lost. it's just... not femme. there are so, so many ways to be soft butch especially. & those are all decisions that have to be made all the time. like it is constant &, while having a partner who is truly just along for the ride is helpful, my wife being supportive of me hasn't made those decisions on my behalf. i have to make them, every day, every time i get dressed, every time i put on a watch or shoes, even just to like... go to the store. it rly is smth u are constantly figuring out, even without like hyper-homophobic parents fucking you up as a kiddo. so yeah, i think, if ava wants to try anything w appearance, bea wouldn't care at all, she would be just as happy. but like... the essence of being a dyke isn't abt appearance so much as it is everything, & aesthetic is just a way to reflect who you are. & i know i've written this, very clearly lol, but bea's queerness (& ava's, & anyone's) has absolutely nothing to do with who they date, or marry, or love, or fuck. being queer is a politic, an expression, a way of existing. being a dyke is those things in spades, with a very, very special orientation toward liberation throughout history.

4 w my life partner, & my friends, all i care about is that they're happy. like legit. are ur material needs met? do you feel loved by me? -- if those are both good strong yeses, then like... we are good. i cannot imagine loving my partner less if she wanted to do literally anything aesthetically other than maybe like... a giant face tattoo or something lol. but exploring expression? i would never feel less than proud or brave. do i have favorite stuff? of course! do i think my friends sometimes make decisions that are not the cutest possible? of course! so do it! bc i want to! bc i want to try. & so yeah, i don't think ava would ever think less of bea, & i don't think bea would ever think less of ava. it's not like, a lack of care abt being physically attracted to someone, it's like... u love that person, & their body is gorgeous. ava's disabled, too, so u know there is profound care that bea shows & has to grow into as that changes & shifts too!

anyway i still don't know what this was rly asking lol but... butches/dykes should not be in the same category as cis men at all ever lol; ava & bea are just horny & in love. rules of thumb

[dreamcrow]

Character: BELLROC - or Skrael, or Nari (from skraelofthenorthwind)

(from headcanon game here; thank you @skraelofthenorthwind for the ask! also SO MANY OF YOU asked for bellroc i feel so perceived (delighted) 😂)

1: sexuality headcanon

[human before the invention of currency/sexuality voice] queer as a three-dollar bill

(aware that the term/equivalent would be applied to them. defiantly adoptive of it for this reason. my version of this character might not have ever felt [attraction for someone with their gender], but mainly bc they understand their gender as "a bellroc," i.e. their unique sense of themself. at the same time: they'd probably think anything they do—romantic or otherwise—falls under the rubric of "i think something very lgbt just happened to me," for much the same reason.

but when they look at skrael and nari, despite all their differences, they very much feel: ah. same dramatic goth magic nerd hat)

2: otp

aside from (again) the extremely obvious (the one true pairing, if you will) i'm going to give an honorable mention to @babblish's take on nari/bellroc? he's developed it so tenderly, and so carefully, i've gotten quite fond of the thought of such a well-executed take on them. 🥺

3: brotp

aside from the obligatory obvious answer (nari and skrael) + some miscellaneous ocs? (meryneith... orz)

bellroc x being right. bellroc x a nice nap. bellroc x THE HOTSPRINGS EPISODE I KEEP WANTING TO WRITE...

4: notp

b/ellgana. i understand the possible logics here, and mean no offense, i just do not want to see/be seen by, lol

5: first headcanon that pops into my head

they're NOT the obligatory ambidextrous member of the order. (that's nari.) i love their weirdness but i also like the thought that in some aspects they're actually just...very normal.

6: favorite line from this character

NO MORE HALF MEASURES.

i cannot remember the last time i was this stupid about a throwaway line. ("especially the lies," maybe? damn.)

7: one way in which i relate to this character

i know this probably isn't that deep but some of their lines don't...make perfect logical sense ("a quick and painful death" comes to mind, or their little comment about "THE SUMMONING™" in the middle of fighting douxie, lol). i too often misspeak when i'm flustered, or make leaps in logic that aren't apparent to my audience, so pretty much the instant i saw that i immediately chucked that into the hc pile.

8: thing that gives me second hand embarrassment about this character

getting beaned by their own fireball literally seconds after skrael gets done identifying an "infinite corridor." they're so dumb, i love them so much, my heart is going to burst.

9: cinnamon roll or problematic fave?

worst bird. best beloved blorbo. joy of my life, light of my heart. they've never done anything wrong, ever, in their life.