#and also a 'theyre all the way over there now and i didnt get to tell them before' thing
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ITS THAT TIME AGAIN ALL MY 9-1-1 THOUGHTS IN ONE POST
(i forgot to do this until the tommy started talking about how his ex ran off with someone half her age)
- okay but we knew maddie would want another kid
- i predicted it
- NO WAY TOMMY DO NOT SAY IT
- TOMMY IS NOT ABBYS EX
- NO
- FUCKING
- WAY
- OH MY LORD THEY ACTUALLY DID IT
- bless you
- bless you
- damn
- OH MY LORD THERE GOES HIS INTESTINES
- hihi spilled his guts
- ahw ur shirt is ruined☹️
- hen screentime crumbs😋
- i will eat up every single hen screentime crumb i can get
- (every screentime crumb where she is at peace/happy)
- that is crazy maddie
- HOW MANY MEN SHE TURNED GAY😭😭😭
- hihi josh fishing for tea
- i love josh the gossip magnet
- oh now buck is doubting tommy
- lets not
- oh buck baby
- so i think tommy had a gf just to have one, like because of his surroundings and shit, but its good he broke it off before marriage, he definitely should have before an engagement tho
- also i just KNOW people are gonna throw shit at tommy for this and im not excited
- the dreaded c word care
- "i CARE about good sole support"- hen (i think that was the line)
- JOSH I LOVE YOU
- oh josh babe you are so right
- YES JOSH
- SINGLE HANDEDLY ENDING TOMMY HATRED
- well people are still gonna hate but like, hes so right
- tommy had it so much harder and did things to protect himself he definitely isn't proud of and now it looks bad because a lot of people dont have to do tjose things to protect themselves anymore
- "do you want me to read you a story" oh maddie i love you
- not 9-1-1 but someone is setting off HELLA fireworks and its not even fully dark yet
- i HATE fireworks, yeah theyre pretty but theyre torture for ao many wild animals AND me
- back to 9-1-1
- did it almost kill maddie??
- oh wait yes, not the pregnancy and birth but after
- oops sorry maddie
- hard times for madney😔
- STOP CHIM NO MAKING ME CRY
- uh oh maddie is worrying
- RIPPED TANK TOP EDDIE
- YOURE SO GAY EDDIE
- OMG HOT PASTOR
- FUCK BUDDIE I NEED EDDIE x HOT PASTOR
- "no offence im straight" BOY!!?!????
- no you aint
- yes father but he could be your daddy
- IM SO SORRY I CANT SAY THAT
- oh god therapy time
- yea eddie you dont feel worthy of juice
- very handsome moustache
- OH MY GOD IS EDDIES MOUSTACHE GONNA BURN OFFF??
- PLEASE PUT IT ON FIRE JUST ENOUGH SO IT CANT BE SAVED
- "do" something that makes you feel joy, how about DO a man and make some realisations about yourself babes
- WORM
- would you still love me if i was a worm
- dont be a baby man he is a baby
- jack😔
- "a billion tons" STOP THATS ADORABLE
- eddie you are NOT going down a pipe again
- YES LITTLE MAN
- whats with this season and little hero boys
- they actually put a kid down the pipe omg
- please actually save this kid my lord this is stressful
- GET HIM
- YOU CAN DO IT MILES
- WORM
- WE ARE WORMS
- BE A WORM
- HELL YEAH
- chim is 100% telling maddie he wants another kid now
- hen you are adorable oh my lord
- tommy ur so adorable
- uh oh
- UH OH
- this has got to be the hurdle
- HES THE HIMBO
- that is SO crazy
- look at them being all open and having a cute little talk
- UNTIL NOW
- IS THIS AN I LOVE YOU MOMENT??????
- ahw tommy
- WOAH
- HELLO MOVE IN YES
- MORE GAY
- oh youre doing to much buck
- so sweet
- OH
- TOMMY STOP WHAT
- it is new
- tommy youre very right actually you are his first
- tommy is actually so right because buck is moving too fast
- buck isnt ready himself like he figured out he was bi like a week ago (not literally)
- WHAT NO YOU DIDNT
- god damn it the bucktommy haters got what they wanted
- fuck off so many buddie fans are gonna be so miserable and annoying
- OH HE CALLED HIM BUCK
- i hope we get to see more tommy
- like he comes back sometimes for a rescue or for advice for chimney or something
- WOAH CHIM NO TALKING ABOUT DEATH OVER HERE
- maddies eyebrows are so expressive i love it
- OMG WE KNEW THIS
- PERGANT
- BOMB
- ahw cuties
- OMG MIRROR SCENE
- they gave us literally like everything weve been talking about
- oh eddie what are you doing
- PLEASE MAKE CHRIS COME HOME AND WALK IN ON THIS
- wait no that would mean more trauma
- this man is CRAZY
- someone has a GOT to walk in on this no?
- oh maybe buck being all sad like "my hot boyfriend broke up with me☹️"
- i really hope IF they make buddie happen they dont do it yet, maybe next season because its too soon for both of them to be dating
- no walking in but there is someone there
- eddie put on some pants man
- it is sad buck
- ☹️
- i am not excited for all those insufferable buddie fans/ bucktommy haters to come and hate on tommy for every single line he said
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full on feel like pjo tv s2 is not gonna hold up so they need to drag as much attention to the series as they can by using nico as a sock puppet w tsats2
im fully expecting the show to go the way of the movies. it doesnt help Sea of Monsters is almost unanimously the least favorite book of the first series. People frequently forget it even exists or what happens in it, especially more casual fans.
Heck, just look at how little fanfare the second season has gotten so far as compared to the build up to s1. I wouldn't be surprised if s2 totally flops. It would be a little funny.
#pjo#riordanverse#pjo tv#pjo tv crit#tsats 2#Anonymous#ask#im still sad theyre beating every dead horse in the franchise they can EXCEPT for the graphic novels#the poor graphic novels arent getting advertised AT ALL and the BoO one got cancelled#like. the graphic novels would actually be probably one of the best advertising avenues!#like. hey! you dont need to write a whole new book! just remind people of previous books and give them a way to refresh on it#and given how the first couple of graphic novels were a different artists i could totally see them doing a second version#just to make them all consistent. thatd make sense and be reasonable.#the show has also already kind of trapped itself in a corner in a couple of ways#for one they kind of screwed themselves over failing to plan for the actors. yknow. ageing.#Walker is already taller than like. most of the cast. Percy's gonna be TOWERING over Luke by TLO#i think the main trio is all like almost 16 already? and we're only on s2. its gonna be rough. they didnt think about it. they didnt plan.#also with how theyve been messing with plot and characterization theyre VERY quickly going to start running into hurdles#because they dont seem to understand the more you change earlier on. the less the later stuff will work without also needing change#because. it's dependent on what comes before. so we will very quickly be requiring either MASSIVE canon divergence or a lot of retcon#and retcon in the show is going to be VERY OBVIOUS#though i stand by itll be so funny if they solve too much too quickly in s2 just like the movies and it just ends on#''wait. crap. what are we going to do for s3 now. we solved too much too early. they have nothing to do''
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ok. question.
ortega ended up hallucinating sidestep after they "died", but sidestep doesnt know about that. they know it got bad, but never the full extent of how their death affected them. so if your sidestep Did learn, if they found out ortega looked for them in every little piece they could, would that change anything for your sidesteps? would their relationship with ortega be any different?
#pulp speaks#Am i thinking of my “ortega sees sidestep posthb” fic again? perhaps#shameless plug btw yall should read it its called 'seen' on ao3 and i still like it#but anyway the important bits: ive been thinking about it with my sidesteps and its really interesting to me how different they are#but theyre all some variation of “i didnt know you /cared/”#caine is. uncomfortable with the idea#i genuinely dont know why but i do know that in the end their feelings on the matter are “whats done is done and im back now” with a small#“ill try not to leave again” mixed in#meanwhile cyrus is a deer in headlights over it#itd be way worse if he learned it when they met again- i feel like if he learned ortega was still that attached he wouldve left and never-#-come back. he would still want to Now but hes too tangled in his relationships and ortega is his /friend/ and leaving would just explode i#-his face‚ god Damnit ortega you son of a bitch‚ he shouldve just run. you werent supposed to drag him into caring about people again.#cecilia would have mixed feelings about it. i think shed resonate with it a lot for reasons she doesnt want to face#but it would also hit her like a goddamn Truck that he chose to move on/replace her rather than try get her back and its easier to get mad-#-about that than question her own feelings. but also maybe she could use this to her advantage? maybe this time he knows theres always a-#-chance hell come back for her next time. maybe. shes hoping there wont be a next time.#cynthias an interesting case because shes in love with ortega. deeply. but ortega /never came for her/ when she /promised/ and cynthia-#-is still furious about it#ortega hallucinated her in death but she couldnt put the pieces together and go looking herself? she cared enough to look for her but-#-not enough to save her?#she would still end up settling on bitterness for abandoning her but the information would shake her to her core#anyway. i think ortega should be used as a squeaky toy 👍#caine lynzal#cyrus becker#cecilia rider#cynthia garcia#ortega#sidestep#fhr
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images that bring me peace. u simply dont understand. !!!!
#tagging them bc theyre IMPORTANT SORRY!!!!!!!!!!!#twisted wonderland#riddle rosehearts#cater diamond#twst#cayrid#ummmmmmmmm theyre friends they get along they like each other THEY ARE IMPORTANT TO MEEEEEE#guest star trey clover also bc the three of them are a set and mean the world to each other actually#brought to u by them being my faves but also me getting upset that ppl think theyre not friends!!!#also riddle has a voice line in his bday card that trey and cater made those tarts for him!!!!!#listen listen LISTEN trey/cater/riddle theyre soooo shdfkjdsfkjl theres so much there#like platonic or ship either way theyre just. they mean So Much#riddle trusts cater as basically a secondary vice housewarden!!!#cater is so often herding the underclassmen alongside trey and riddle!!!!!!!!!!#he wouldnt be in that spot if riddle didnt like or trust him!!!#theyre friends!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#theyre friends. ill bite u. <- me fighting with no one LOL#I LOVE WHEN RIDDLE MENTIONS CATER WHEN HES NOT THERE AND HES LIKE CATER WOULD LIKE THIS!!!!!#THATS HIS FRIIIEEENDDDDDD [starts sobbing]#ok god i need to go to bed#but i had a lot of these in drafts for weeks#i just kept forgetting to reread the riddle and cater dorm stories for screenshots#god the way they all get sulky faced over missing cater... heartslabyul you mean everything to me forever#my blatant favorite dorm !!!!!!!!!!!#in the future here having added the cayrid tag#because now I know what they’re called and I need people to Care Them#this is not exclusively a ship post but you know. friendships and ships blend in my mind a lot#At the core there is AMBIGUOUS LOVE AND CARE
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bedtime nowww probably ummm today qas not what i wanted it 2 be but its fine. i dont feel negative just a very very very numb day which is almost worse. but only almost 🙏
#i did get thr laundry done didnt fold it didnt take a shower#so thatll hopefuly be tmrw#i hope im able to do an activity with somebody tmrw.... the kids will be back at school so umm. no risk of weeman asking for my laptop in#the morning. or maybe me n lamp could play aa... idk#i feel like such a loser i go 1 day without bothering my family and im like wahhh im lonely. Can you shut up ..... we r better than this.#but wtvr. thats also a mean thought and i shouldnt be idolizing the way i lived last year. We were taking spongebaths and eating#1 bowl of soup a day crying ourselves to sleep every night and literally going weeks on end wo talking to our loved ones. so why am i like#We need to go back ! well i know why its bc i cant just let myself heal and move on bc of my stupid complex#and tbf i was very efficient back then. i ws able to do my spongebaths at least every 3 days and i did my laundry every week right on#schedule and i had a job....all it took was literally not being a person in any meaningful way FJFNGJGN. idk#it was very simple. its still very simple perhaps simpler (#no job) but instead i just feel guilty i guess. sbt everything#which i ws doing last year but again i was too out of it to rly dwell. i just cried at work a lot abt it#but now its like. i dont have a job to go to to focus on. my interests/hobbies can only distract me for a few days maximum b4 they become#nothing 2 me. and then im just back in limbo again and it feels pointless#and even when its a 'good' phase of something actually keeping me distracted from everything its like. not. all it does is ruin my sleep#schedule again yk. ik im literally the timeloop guy so u think id loveee Everyday being exactly the same over and over and over but well i#dont. bc they arent actually the same day theyre just reminders that everything does keep fucking going but im stuck. which is the opposite#of what i want. and what id have if the beautiful timeloop would simply rescue me. wtvr tho.... she doesnt even know i exist 😥#little joke. IDK. like i said its better ig than having a truly miserable day but. man. i wish everything was better#i ws gonna say like it used to be but. yk. ive been depressed since i was like 7 its not like. idk. i wish i was born different and i wish#my head worked and i wish none of it had evrr happened. but itis ok. i cant think of a funny cutesy alternative to put here so we will just#say nothing. yay
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...
#ok. this is the fucking bullshit thing abt grad school. u go to fucking grad school bc u r a fucking tryhard nerd freak#who is either naturally very smart or ur so fucking anxious u r incapable of allowing urself to get a bad grad#and then u go to fucking grad school and everyone's like: man fuck ur classes. if youre getting streight As then u aren't focusing on ur#research. and theyre right. but u still cant fucking let go of the idea that if u get a bad grad the world is gonna fucking end and u r a#bad person. u didnt try hard enough. all this to say i have a final project that i put way too much energy into and not even in a good way#i would just open the document. start sobbing. and then close it and spiral abt how i didn't want to work on it. so its bullshit#i mean. its a good project idea ans i probably sound like i kno wtf im talking abt bc i do. i worked on that topic for 4 years but like#i could make it wayyyyy better. its bullshit. i didnt even number the citations to give more page space. i made section headers. i didnt#wrap text. i could add like 4 more lines of text if i wanted but i think im not gotta bc fuck it. ugh. i dont even. i fucking avoide#stochastic stuff altogether which i kno im gonna have to fight abt but like fuck it who cares abt randomness. i just wanna focus on the#predictably aspect of community composition. fuck u. i shouldnt have picked this topic. i mean. i had to bc its like the one microbe thing#i could do but its also like the exact topic that makes me wanna rip my hair out and start screaming. like jesus christ who tf cares? ugh.#i think id give myself a B if it was an undergrad class. but the standard is higher in an all grad class. ugh. i hate this. i should just#send it abd be done. i dont even kno when its due tomorrow. before class i guess. idk i felt like garbage today. fucking vertigo bby. i feel#ok now tho. so maybe the allergic reacting is over???? fingers r still arthritisy tho. jesus. im falling apart#ive got a pretty good sounding excuse for being lazy tho: owo i had an allergic reaction to my antidepressants 🥳 but nah no excuses we run#this body into the ground. like the good old days.#unrelated
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Night shift or short attention span for the wip thing?
I’ll choose night shift basically Akihiko has this nightmare based on a real memory where he and Shinji got into a very heated fight that dissolved into like, chaos and angry beatings on Akihiko’s part and his nightmare is a warped version where he just keeps punching Shinji in a blind rage until there’s nothing left of him. He wakes up terrified and unsure of what’s happening and Shinji isn’t there BUT ITS OKAY HES FINE he’s just at work I think sadly unfortunately my man has to work a shitty convenience store job to make some money while trying to figure life out and he’s temporarily working night shifts so that’s why he’s gone and Aki does call him at work in the middle of the night for reassurance and asks if that incident really went down the way he remembers it (it didn’t). It’s kinda dark but has a nice ending at least
#ask#idk if ill ever like. finish and post that one hm#but what triggered this idea was like. the pain of a loved one crying and screaming over you but all you can do is sit there unfeeling#akihiko was mad at how removed shinji has become and how he just doesnt seem to care about anything anymore and its very upsetting#and aki gets really emotional and theyre fighting and hes crying and shaking but shinji isnt fighting back hes just letting it happen#hes just lying there and seeing his friend on top of him sobbing doesnt seem to affect him in any way cuz hes so emotionless#and akihiko just gets more mad at that and thats what causes him to freak out cuz why isnt shinji fighting back anymore#and then you know in the nightmare its warped with guilt and fear and ends with aki being so caught up in his reactions#that he doesnt notice how hes hurt shinji and its too late and hes killed him#cuz id say once everything settles down post canon theres a lot of lingering anxiety about everything#aki fears that he pushed too hard and drove shinji away and didnt notice his pain until it was too late#but when he calls shinji to get the real story it obviously isnt how aki remembers cuz he first off didnt kill shinji#what really happened was akihiko was sobbing and kinda just swinging haphazardly everywhere and landed some hits on shinji but not enough to#really fuck him up and it ends with him giving up and laying on top of shinji crying#shinji kinda awkwardly embraces him cuz what else can he do when he still cant feel anything but hates to see his friend upset#so the actual incident wasnt very pretty or happy but they made it out alive and are working things out now#very bittersweet very angsty shinji is so goddamn emotionally repressed i mean they both are actually#also on a lighter note shinji was just like on the phone with his bf during his shift and aki is like wait are you slacking off#and shinji is like bitch you literally called me??? and who cares id like to see these bitches try and fire me 😤#hes behind the register in a stupid uniform while horrible music plays theres like one customer there#theyre making direct eye contact the entire phone call
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Oh my god one last thing my ex took me to outside lands and when we tried to watch lana del rey he laid down on the grass and had a “panic attack” (this was after months of him talking about how he didn’t like her) so we went to see foo fighters after a bit and he was FINE
#LANA i know his sister works for you BUT TRUST MY WORD AND GIVE ME A FREE TICKET PLEASE…#MY FIRST TIME SEEING YOU WAS RUINED GIRL… she was so good too like i was saving her songs to spotify that night#im reliving all this because i found out a lot of his exes and ex friends hang out together and two of them invited me so it was me an ex an#d an ex friend just swapping stories and first of all. he said he got cheated on by this girl and she NEVER DID IT (HE would have emotional/#angry outbursts at HER though) (allegedly he’s acknowledged to her that the cheating never happened too) and 2. this is obviously making me#mentally rehash everything again. i feel so bad for his current girlfriend and also for the person i ‘’stole’’ him from though i really hesi#tate to blame myself after hearing about his patterns. first of all he wouldve done this with anyone who was vulnerable around him and secon#d i was the only reason he was at all honest with them. he was fully planning to gaslight this ex and me and his dad had to convince him not#to. they look like theyre happy now and im very happy for them over that. oh my god that man was evil he told me for WEEKS about every time#his then partner had talked shit about me while i made clear that i didnt care and wasnt very interested but he kept going. god i cant belie#ve this was my life a year ago.#the one thing i can say is that i out freaked him because throughout our short relationship i made him so insecure that a week after i told#to never speak to me again he called me asking if he really was ugly.#I CANNOT BELIEVE I HAD TO TEND TO A GROWN MAN WHILE LANA DEL REY WAS RIGHT THERE BECAUSE HE WAS SO OPPOSED TO BEING AROUND HER. LANAAAA#times like these i get so mad i dont know what to do but ultimately remembering that he has not achieved any of his goals because he refuses#to face himself really helps me. god man IVE achieved some of his goals and i wasnt even trying to#a really awful part of all of this was all of the friends who knew him taking his side. because they didnt know him well enough to know what#he was actually like.#i was talking to my ex friend of four years and she was like not to blame you but he was probably really vulnerable from his time with [ex p#rior to me]’’ because he’s been going around alleging that that ex was abusive. and she was implying i took advantage of him. so i had to go#into detail about what an awful awful person he was and the sort of state i was in when this relationship took place. hannah lee you are#not seeing your little jehovah’s witness heaven.#anyways redirecting this energy im very happy with the way my life is and the way i am now. and im grateful for it i would not have ever bee#n able to imagine having the sort of peace and motivation i feel now. life feels like it can and will change for the better and it keeps pro#ving that right all the time#it just hurts sometimes having that as my first experience and not even being able to vocalize what was wrong bc i just didnt know hurts#oh i forgot one of his besties can see my account bc we’re sort of mutuals. i doubt he’s looking he did the whole unfollowing the ex bc she’#s allegedly amoral thing after the breakup but if he is hi isaac#he did on rare occasion show me selfless kindness but ultimately your best friend is a creep. i don’t want to be involved with anyone from#our school but I hope you know this and I hope you’re proud
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I used to have a really giant family like tons of tias and tios and cousins and i say used to cause like it seems like after my grandparents died on both sides both families seemed to never speak again and i had no chance to even try and keep hold of those ties i was in elementary school watching my parents marriage crash and burn in real time dealing with major death in the family and then subsequent family abandoning me at the tender age of 11. Hell my brothers were older and jumped ship it was just me and the horrors
#my moms dad and my dads mom were like the heads of their families and they both died really close to each other#but my grandma and a tio on my moms side died within 3 days of each other after being in hospice literally 3 doors away from each other#for months and my parents both took the roles of like taking care of everything and being the descision makers cause no one else would#which im sure was super traumatizing in everyway possible but their siblings both seemed to resent them in ways#when they didnt want to be those people but had to be and they arent even the oldest siblings they are both like 3rd youngest#but like it just ruined the families and me and mom and my dad were all at the hospital or hospice center for months#we were there every day and night i remember it so much i can get anywhere in any hospital in my town using the stairwells#like i knew them that well#it also likely ruined my parents marriage which was bumpy before the intense major tragedy#which like yaknow what fair it was a lot to deal with ontop of like trying to crawl ur way out of the recession#but after all was said and done i talk to no one on my dads side i bearly talk to my older brother#and i talk to like my nina and two tias on my moms side and occassionally a few cousins#when theyre arent being fucking insane and unhinged#idk i loved having a huge family the like going to 5 houses on christmas type#going to birthdays or weddings and seeing everyone taking at least 45 mins to say bye to everyone#and now its gone and i wont ever get it back#and its by no fault of my own cause i was literally 11 and every adult decided i was gonna pay the price too#like i think abt when i get married its not gonna be what i thought itd be or when i get my first movie in theatres#im not gonna have the major family celebration ill have all my friends which im so greafull for#but its not the same yaknow#and id love to have that relatiomship with my family again but like where do u start when its been over 10+ years#like they remember 11 year old me if they remember me#and thats part of the problem#like on my moms side specifically i have some family who acts like theyve never met me before when i used to see them every weekend#and it was a major failing on my part as an 11 year old for not keeping in touch even tho we did my mom calls everyone and she tried#but people didnt want to return it#and as for my dads side its the same and if it was a moral failing for me as an 11 yr old to not reach out and they didnt like my mom much#my grandma fucking loved her but the rest of the family didnt and like i lived w my mom and was fucking 11 i couldnt go anhwhere by myself#and i didnt like not being places without a parent and i hated sleepovers i refused and they took it so personal#and they stopped talking to my dad and bad mouthed him and still do nd ill never allow that around me my dad isnt perfect but hes a good man
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RATS are NOT your friends at night while you're reading a scary book
#so if you didnt know. rats are nocturnal#so its 2am where i am rn. my room is pitch dark because i have my blinds shut#and im reading a scary book. lots of spooky creatures and body horror and haunted shit#and my rats. are knocking shit over and chewing on things and generally being menaces#or theyll go silent for a minute abd i think theyre chilling and then all of a sudden theyll drop a toy or something#and scare the shit out of me#they use their spooky little hands to climb on the bars of their cage. and they use their spooky little teeth to aggressively eat kibble#and i gave them new toys today. these edible foraging toys that they love#but that means my room is full of the sound of pulling on bars. or the clicking of a water bottle. or chewing. so muvh chewing#and im reading about this dead body come back to life. with like all of her bones broken. killing a guy in the most grotesque way#and its altogether a very bad experience#i was bored for the first 70ish pages but then it got really fucking good and im hooked. but its also terrifying#the rats have gone silent but now my dog is shifting in his kennel outside my room#both are terrifying. why are my rats silent. why is my dog moving. when will he move next#these animals are harassing me. whats next. my sibling's rabbit is going to break in? in roommate's cat will start scratching at the door?#if my landlord is reading this then ignore all of these tags. we only have a dog sir. no rodents or felines or whatever tf a rabbit is here#ah the rats are making sounds again. terrible horrifying sounds#i have to piss but im scared to get out of bed. i think i live here now. in bed. i cant leave#on a somewhat related note i really want to make deviled eggs rn but i have roommates that are trying to sleep#on one hand i miss living alone. on the other it makes me feel safer to have two other people here with me#even if the threat is only my imagination#and my mischievous critters
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yes i make all my hawkes black haired for shits n giggled but that doesn't mean i can't make lilian fake-black
#this is semi canon but it is in my head regularly xD#just because why not#and also because it would be very funny to me if seb (ergo the only companion who wasnt around in act 1)#would not realise that she is fake until he sees carver in act 2 for the first time#yes he did see her in act 1 but he didnt exactly remember every detail and simply assumed it has always been black#this is not important in any way but she *would* tease him with it forever#like my friend have you never noticed my roots coming thru. have you never noticed that my body hair is not black#and he'd just get flustered like well i didnt look THAT closely#(theyre good friends btw)#laya plays dragon age#i may have brainfleas rather than brainworms bc they jump around all over the place all the time lmao#but they all get back to the same thing & circle around each other#been spending way too much time in the black emporium w robin and came out with the exact same look hdshsh#technically i would remove the beard bc i think they would feel dysphoric abt it at this time but also the face looks weird without it#& i cant get the face to look how i want#so beard stays on#gotta draw them to figure them out maybe idk#for now tho: recruitment time!! i need to gather my disaster gang <33
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my flatmate asking me the day before "do u want to hang out w me and [old friend] everyone else cancelled so I can invite u now" is not the heartfelt offer she thinks it is :^/
#what am i sloppy seconds. fuck off man#i like them both but im not in the place to socialise rn + also it just feels kinda mean. theyve had these plans for weeks#and i wasnt invited bc some of their other friends (who ive never met) didnt want me there which is fair enough ig#even tho their friends complained abt someone else bringing her bf but they both blocked the veto for that. pretty sure ik them-#better than some guy but whatever. i dont rly like their friends anyway bc they only ever have bad things to say abt them#like damn they sound like they have the emotional range of toddlers plus theyre all into shit like genshin. so i wasnt fazed abt it#hope they have a nice time etc but wow sure now theyve cancelled the day before u can invite me as a replacement. yeah thatll do wonders#for the social and self esteem issues i have around being single use and disposable and always on the outside etc yippee#the thing is if i go theyll just talk to each other anyway and leave me to be the fly on the wall like they always do. they dont want#me there they just want an audience i literally have nothing else to contribute i dont think they even like me that much so!#anyway complaint over. genuinely i hope they have a nice time im just annoyed at being treated like that + probably projecting a bit too#its not like i could go if i wanted to anyway bc i have shit to sort out + mail to wait for. maybe next time invite me from the start huh#we had another old friend visit last weekend but those plans were really made without me too and i was just added bc i Live Here so its#kind of unavoidable. but oh well whatever it was nice to see them either way#im too depressed rn to fix my social life or even rely on existing coping strategies in social situations so im having to temporarily#cut it back bc i get too trigger sensitive + dont want to hurt myself or others bc of an arbitrary emotional overreaction#its usually one of the first things to go when im Going Thru It not in a self isolating way but more bc its one of the hardest things#for me to maintain + im pretty self sufficient so its not absolutely crucial. like of course i love my friends but socialising is a#want not a need yknow. eating/sleeping/exercising/hygiene are all more fundamental parts of the engine so i gotta prioritise them#and it sucks but ill survive. anyway sorry for venting on everyones dash so early in the morning i woke up grumpy 👎#i need to get breakfast and then go out. ughhhhhhh okay.#.vent
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i think the villa diodati speech probably had a big effect on how yaz approached the doctor in flux and after
#not necessarily that it /changed/ how she approached her but like. 13 revealed a Lot abt how she thought abt the dynamic#like the fam were already like......lower down the ranking right? they already let her take the lead they already followed her orders#they werent TRYING to be like on her level like clara they understood very well how the dynamic worked#it was just the doctor that was holding onto the pretense#and i think they knew that but they probably didnt know Why exactly#but villa diodati revealed like a lot of sort of ingrained beliefs#suddenly it makes a lot of sense why shes keeping this hierarchy even if they dont know the details theyre all intuitive enough to get it#and that recontextualises the pretense too. it recontextualises the pretense in that like#okay so what she Says and what she Does keep not matching up. and what she Does is now-evidently trauma informed#so what she Says must be - well not Must be but with the rest of the context they have - what she would Like to be true#it's not they all know it's not but she really wants that to be true#i think that really informed how yaz approached the doctor afterward and maybe paradoxically helped them become way more of a team in flux#the doctor is still in charge but if yaz approaches her with the understanding that she needs to be in charge#then that creates the safety needed for the doctor to let yaz in a little bit#and i think thats also why yaz didnt push in sea devils - i mean lots of reasons obvs but#'i want to but i cant' is like. yaz has Seen that. yaz has seen what that looks like she understands what that means. very lived in#she has lived in the doctor's 'i want to but i cant'#idk am i making sense#i think that speech was a revelation and actually kinda helpful. after she got over the shock and hurt of it
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first time they meet. Technically. not really
#flowers arts#steve#system accountability is DEAD and we KILLED HIM#steve voice Its all your fault. BOB voice Its all your fault (They are equally at fault)#eve has been dreaming about this for a long time. so he kinda thought he'd got it down by now#steve loves BOB and thinks he can do no wrong But also loves to blame him for everything he (and herself) did wrong.#BOB doesnt think that steve is real and also hates it. they dont have normal conversations#steve gets really sad when zes fronting alone and BOB gets Maladaptive daydream core when he fronts alone.#which is why he feels that way about steve. AND steve is keeping this whole system thing under raps except not really#Some of that is just BOB not caring i feel. its hard not to spill over thoughts hes just this way. THEYRE FUNNY.#steve tries to be cool but hes kind of lame whenever he does that. and BOB is always lame#if BOB were not obsessed with humans steve wouldn't look that way too probably. maybe he'd just be a stickfigure#ONE more thing. steve found out about the system thing because of green when he was like 1-10. on the phone.#he had an app to track that stuff when he found out but then he realized that hes 2 billion years old and probably a lot of alters.#AND he didnt know what to set as profile pictures AND didnt want BOB to find out so it was quickly abandoned. BUT thats how green knows ste#e. and they are friends despite steve wanting to be alone when fronting. ITS also funny because green hates BOB. and ocassionally says her#name in public. but greeen is also a system so its ok. (But he doesnt know because he thinks its viruses. WELCOME TO MY twisted world)
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yg has conditioned ot7 ikon to be a touring group so now even when they all left yg, all they (ikon & hanbin) do is tour and join various music festivals. like i know those guys would prefer inviting other artists to guest in their concert over inviting them for a quick tiktok challenge or something
#also why they dont have much close idol friends outside yg or ex yg artists#kinda frustrating sometimes as a multi cuz i want them interacting w other artists who arent or never have been related to yg#they love that slow build friendship over music collab than a quick tiktok challenge for clout sksksk#but like theyre capitalists too so which easier way to get those 💸💸💸 and keep ur stans loyal than a tour#all they have to do is perform on stage (which theyre v comfy with) and do some fan service#so its a win win#plus they get to travel#if i were an idol i'd prefer this tbh#imagine if yg didnt gatekeep and sabotage their career before#theyd be soooo rich now w all the sold out world tours every year#but yg did and theyre still on the nugu side#so i think they should consider doing different things outside their comfort zone to promote themselves better#hanbin is actually doing well w it despite the restrictions#but ikon....#can they stop relying on their company cuz even their new one isnt doing a great job promoting them#honestly they need a better team behind them#they did change companies but their managers are still the same sksksk#so how theyre managed is still the same -.-#i have so much to say but i just realized i put way too many tags#lol bye#one of those days again where i have to let smth out before i sleep TT#but u know... one can always say theyre doing it for the art and not the fame 🤷🏻♀️#but knowing my man#junhoe#i know that diva wants to be famous#while still be in it for the art#he literally had an old interview saying ikon has a potential to be famous#my fellow envisioner <3#jana rambles
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#GAH hate not knowing how ppl feel about me#bc i used to be SUPER close friends w this person like they were ~25% of th reason i came back to my uni town after moving away last summer#and i keep texting them like ' hey we should meet up sometime! ' and they respond ' omg YES 100% i have SO much i need to catch you up on !#unfortunately i am out of town every single day. also so busy. '#and like yeah okay college very busy life very crazy. but how are you out of town every single day and also why have you NEVER reached out#and i saw them in person at target and they seemed genuinely pleased to see me! and also said something like#' we gotta hang out i have so much to tell you!! *ill* message *you* ' in a way that seemed to convey guilt at ^^ all that#but then how in the WORLD do you happen to be driving out of town immediately after the one event i know we'll both be going to???#and also casually gracing over the fact i also mentioned getting dinner beforehand??#also i dont know any reason they wouldnt like me unless its one of those ' im autistic and didnt notice you getting fed up w me '#or if theyre just actually that busy or too anxious to see people or anxious to reach out or fucking whatever#and like even when i saw them at target they told me a bunch of stuff that i dont tthink youd say to a random acquaintance#which if they do still like me makes sense! bc we were super duper close once! but doesnt make sense if they dislike me/want me to go away#like UGH just either ask me to hang out or say yes to a hang out or tell me to fuck off already!!!!#oh and ALSO the one time we DID have plans we didnt set an exact time but they texted me at like 11 and said ok we can hang out now until 2#or they texted me at 11 and said ' i work at 2 but i dont think thats gonna be a problem also are you okay w hanging w my roomies too '#and i know their roomies so thats fine but i was like ??? WHAT shouldnt be an issue? r you gonna call off to hang out for more than 3 hrs?#or are you gonna friend break up w me so it wont take 3 hours#anyway i was like uhhh shit we didnt set a time so im actually at a tattoo place like an hour away w my roomie?#so we rescheduled for the next day when uh oh they hung out w someone who was exposed to covid so had to cancel again!#i cant think of a single reason they wouldnt like me except that they never did but we had an activity together so they were stuck w me#and they seemed genuinely happy to see me and also seem upset declining plans but like if thats true what the FUCK is happening????#anyway this was a mile long if you e read this far i love u if you have tips feel free to reply or dm me
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