#and all these damn bills to pay
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Is there more of that human au I want
I definitely have more ideas, but I go with the flow when I’m drawing fanart. So whatever ideas start to feel most fleshed out/fun to work on at the moment get prioritized
But yknow, we got a lot of time before the next season haha so I’m sure I’m gonna work on more human AU in the meantime
#thanks for liking the au!#I have a lot of fun working on it#but yknow I got other things I wanna draw#and all these damn bills to pay#and only so many hours in a day 😪
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I hate to be in this position again but my job has been drastically reducing my hours more and more and at the current time don't really have any money to finish covering my half of rent or groceries.
I'm going to probably be looking for a new job but in the meantime if anyone would like to help out it would be greatly appreciated ;;
Paypal: here Commission info: here
#vree chatter#literally anything at all would mean a lot rn#ugh i hate doing this like i have a job i should be able to pay my own damn bills
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Hate to do this but had to bring my cat to the Emergency vet care clinic tonight. He had a ruptured abscess in one of his glands and because of the emergency it escalated the cost and so I am in need of some help. Spread the word and donate even a $1 or $3 (I think that’s the lowest for kofi can go I think if I remember)
I’m full on comms. Might take more but I just don’t want to get swamped or too stressed. Donations are just super helpful right now. I’m thinking I’ll try and do some adopts or ych’s instead first. So thank you. 🙏
#ashascadence#my cat#vet bill#vet bills#donate#of course after I pay off my car then this happens#life just loves to throw a curveball#I love my cat but god damn sir please just stop stressing me out#he’s running all over the place and has a cone on for the next two weeks
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The new percy jackson show is good for launching the hopefully successful careers of three brilliant young actors and i think thats neat. but man it looks like shit
#it is so sterilized#disneyplus truly is the shein of live action cgi productions#it is so mind blowingly cheap#bringing this up because i have not stopped thinking about the recent episode and that damn hotel#why did it look so BORING#that place was supposed to be off the walls chaotic enticing fun#why did they just skim over all of that#mr riordan constantly shit talking that old movie adaption he hated#and going on and on about how this one is sooooooo much better#okay okay okay im listening sir but lets talk about how disney happens to be the company that pays your bills#its very interesting that you LOVE this adaption so much
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ooooooughhhh biting and maiming and tearing and scratching and killing and bleeding and
#me @ me: no one cares#HATE my job. hate it#have to call landlords on the phone and then they are rude to me because *checks notes*#the HVAC system in a unit they own has been leaking for a year and the damage is so extensive itll cost 15k to fix#like damn sir im fucking sorry that you dont regularly have your units inspected for damage im really fucking beat up about that#its SUCH a shame that the damage is so bad its affected the unit below yours and now you have to pay for it#thats really so sad for YOU#this guys owns at least two possibly three condos in this community and lowkey i hope he dies#hes been very rude to me for no reason lmao#fuck me. as if its MY fault you dont pay any attention to whats happening in the condos you own#its almost like its your job to make sure things are functioning and livable when youre renting out a space to a human person#all landlords please kill yourselves#they are all such trash fucking people. literally only care about money.#i told him the approximate cost (the majority of which he wont be paying btw its billed to the building management)#and he was like WOW you guys will just charge WHATEVER YOU WANT you just raise prices WILLY NILLY#sir. we have to remove the HVAC system the washer/dryer AND the water heater#and then rip up all of the drywall and flooring in the living room and HVAC closet#and then put it back together. please please please please die. im begging.
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you know someday i'm gonna feel so good when i have my student loans paid off
that ain't gonna be soon, trust me, but i think about it
#i've been saving so much for it that i paid off over like $2k in the last 2 or 3 months#it's just thinking about how the amount of interest goes off that drives me literally crazy#and my monthly amount i owe is like just under $120#which to some people as a regular bill is more manageable than others. but as i have an irregular income#as a substitute teacher it's something that gives me a LOT of stress.#which is another reason i've been overpaying. in case something happens/i can't get a lot of work#it defers the next due date.#that way it's not urgent but yet i still *feel* it all the time#debt is a crazy kind of thing#and to think that my loans are from COMMUNITY college. two years. publicly owned#when i start taking classes again soon. i currently have enough saved that if i take like ONE class#i can pay out of pocket. and i think im only gonna take one class to start anyway#which will also help with the deferred payments#see i just fucking hate having to think practically about money like this#tales from diana#idk how ppl leave high school and go straight to live in a dorm room at a private university for four straight years#and rack up tens to hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt.#first of all that lifestyle was not accessible for me to begin with. even when paying it was such an abstract put-it-off thought#as it is for so many 18-year-olds who are told not to worry about where they apply.#but i had under $12k to repay when the student loan debt was unfrozen last fall#and it's been weighing on me soooo heavily since then. i think about it every damn day#it's like the money i make isn't even mine. it goes straight to mohela and food#keep in mind i also live w my parents & am on their health insurance so someday there'll be moooore bills!!!!
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#(( ooc. ))#venting tw#negativity tw#gonna try to do some writing today but motivation is real low.#i guess that's what happens when you get called stupid useless and lazy to your face by someone who then expects you#to bow and scrape and wait on them hand and foot#and also now im expected to pay the electric bill on top of doing all the housework. literally all of it. in a home of 3#fucking adults. and bow im also the one having to handle a lot of maintenance work around the place on top of keeping#it spotless bc no one else 'feels like doing it'#and the whole time i get to be insulted and told that im fat. stupid. lazy. while im cleajing up their messes. and fixing stuff for them.#and doing a bunch of cooking bc they get pissy if i dont also feed them on top of doing literally all the housework. and maintenance work.#and also now being expected to pay half the electric bill. again house of 3 people. and im not even allowed to take a hot shower when i need#to in order to get the pain spikes under control from yknow. flaring up my fibro from overworking myself CLEANING AND TAKING CARE OF THE#DAMN HOUSE FOR THEM#bc it takes too much electricity. the electricity i mostly paid for last month#sorry i needed to get that out#suicide tw#abuse tw#not me debating offing myself bc theres no end in sight and no way out and i cant keep going from one abusive situation to another#and just trying to survive. almost 30 yrs old and ive never once felt safe or at home anywhere ive ever lived. not once. in almost 30#years have i ever felt safe. or like im my own person. or that im valued. or wanted. or listened to. not once in almost 30 years#have i ever felt like im actually loved (wanted) beyond my usefullness.#shit sucks man. anyway sorry for the spam of negativity lately. im not trying to be a downer.#gonna go hang out in my inbox for a while and see if anything pops out that my muses wanna jump on 🤞
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ripping my eyes out rn
#sara.txt#love that it’s always ‘stay here pay off your debt save your money’ and then they wanna get upset that they have to pay more for something#his dad just expects it to be all taken care of immediately as if we’re not talking about money?#it started again over the water bill being more than it had last quarter but we’re gonna gloss over the fact he waters the damn grass?#it’s always about me and my fucking job too. like I’m making the most of my situation and I’m now going to work two jobs seven days a week#coming down the stairs before this started asking my bf ‘did she work a half day today’#like i went to work and decided nah fuck it imma go home#this got long. I just hate it here sm#October can’t come soon enough
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#I do this thing where I keep comparing myself and my life to other people my age who live like ‘normal lives’ where they live with just#their partner and work decent-ish paying jobs#and don’t live near family/have large family obligations#like I make slightly more than minimum wage#my health stuff had been getting worse#my fiancé is disabled/chronically ill and working her ass off so she doesn’t have excess energy#which leaves a lot of house work on me#which is fine and I don’t mind#and our household is me my fiancé my 23 yo sister and we’ve all lived together for like 3 years now and my sister makes a lot more money &#helps with house stuff#/maintenance#but my younger sister and her 9 month old moved in at the beginning of summer because her baby daddy is a scum bag#and she’s 20 and really mentally unwell#so a lot of baby care falls on me & my fiancé#along with trying to help my sister with her mental health#which is like not normal levels of unwell it’s like serious shit and she’s completely unmedicated and going through a real hard time and not#adjusting to motherhood well cause she was 19 and shouldn’t have had a baby#and like she knows that but what’s done is done#she can’t move back in with my parents because her relationship with them is too fucked#and like there’s also complicated stuff safety and bad ppl in her life so that’s a stress inducing factor#she’s unemployed and I’m not sure will ever be able to work and can’t drive#not her fault just the reality we live in#also we’re the ppl who live closest to my grandmother who’s health has been rapidly declining so a lot of that has fallen on my other sister#and me to manage#I also have to pet sit a lot because I need the money#and when I come home I have to spend all my time getting the house back in order#also I’m about to be losing a days worth of pay starting September cause the kids I nanny are doing two half days a week of prek#which means less money & with these grocery bills and two more mouths to feed is gonna fuck me in the ass#so like yeah I don’t have the time or energy for hobbies I spend all my damn free time trying to keep the house clean or taking care of#The baby & like it’s just the way it is but it’s not comprable to how all the ppl I knew in highschool r living rn
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I took off work today. I thought it might help my mood but I've only felt guilty. I'm feeling kind of down, not because of work, but a combination of returning there full time, the monotony of it all, my brother ill at home, I read this fic yesterday where the main character's watch got stuck as a symbolism for his life growing stagnant, and it really rubbed that old wound I'd thought I'd healed. I'm thirty one now, I didn't think I would still feel this way. And for a long time, I didn't. This year particularly had been going really well. But tragedy struck and I'm sitting here with an ache in my chest feeling pity for myself. If I could drink, today would have been a good day to.
#man#I'll probably feel better tomorrow after work sucks all my emergy away#I was watching old videos on my phone from a few years ago and I look five years younger there#the last three months have been tough#I look like I gained five years in just these few months#and that too depresses me#I didn't really care much about turning thirty because I didn't look like it#I do now#the dark circles don't help#I should go to the dermatologist also#I've been stress snacking and it shows#my skin is sensitive#one whitehead per sweet#damn#I've let myself go a bit#now that I'm returning to work full time I will use the chance to shape up#pick up sports again#and hobbies#but thinking aboit it makes me want to cry#I just want to curl into a ball and hug my cats#alas there are bills to pay and friendships to maintain#got to drag my sorry ass outside#and resume life#what other choice#do I have#this is my most depressing rant on here#this is what this account is for#screaming to the void#personal#rant
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Oh im FURIOUS.
My roomate has so much to say about the cost of “water/gas/electricity” blah blah blah.
And i just found out
HE DOESNT HELP PAY FOR ANY OF THEM.
Ya know who does? ME. MY COUSIN.
And when i griped she went
“Well he pays for streaming services….”
GIRL DONT YOU FUCKING DARE.
So NOT ONLY CAN HE NOT AFFORD HIS FULL RENT LIKE ALMOST EVER WHILE IM OVER HERE PAYING EXTRA MONEY FOR EVERYTHING
HE AINT EVEN HELPING WITH THE BILLS.
PAYING FOR FOOD YOU ALSO EAT, AND SERVICES YOU ALSO USE, DOES NOT NEGATE HELPING WITH THE FUCKING BILLS. NO WORKING AS MUCH AS YOU DO AS THE OTHER CAREGIVER WHILE REAPING THE BENEFITS OF OVERTIME DONT NEGATE THAT SHIT EITHER BECAUSE IF YOU WERENT HERE WORKING “AT HOME” YOUD BE WORKING A HARDER JOB AND PAYING YOUR STUDENT LOANS AND NOT LIVING IN A HOUSE.
STOP SPENDING ALL YOUR MONEY ON STUPID WEIRD SHIT AND START HELPING PAY FOR BILLS YOU FUCKING BUM, ARE YOU FOR REAL?!
#IM SO GOD DAMN ANGRY RIGHT NOW#LIKE ARE YOU FOR FUCKING REAL#I PAY ALL MY BILLS AND THEN SOME AS WELL AS GETTING STUFF FOR OUR CATS#NO WONDER HES ALWAYS SO WORRIED ABOUT MY MONEY AND WHAT I SPEND IT ON#BECAUSE HE AINT GOT NONE OF HIS SO IF I AINT GOT ANY THEN WERE FUCKED FUCKED#I COULD LITERALLY SCREAM RIGHT NOW
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If God had wanted ME to live he would not have created ME
#gopher rambles#vent ish#god fucking damn it all#my college bill is higher than it was estimated to be and i dont have the money to pay it off#so im going to have to call the financial aid office#i really dont want to have to take out a loan but i might have to#if they say im not graduating this semester i might just drop out
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Obviously I'm not one to play any Hoyoverse games but seeing the way a chunk of the HSR players were welcoming Chris fucking Niosi as one of the VAs with open arms AND continuing to defend him now that he's rightfully stepped down is sickening
#herne talks#that man abused people for over a DECADE and was friends with others who did the same#i saw all that shit unfold in real time#barely even a YEAR AGO there was more stuff released about him when martin made his full statement about shadyvox#chris niosi has not changed one god damn bit and he absolutely doesn't deserve to still be getting voice roles to this day#if he wants to pay his bills he can go work retail far from the public eye and influence like everyone else#he doesn't NEED to have an audience and popularity to survive
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Money, the lack of money, and the requirement to have money in order to survive are the sources of literally all of my deepest problems. I need America to burn, and I need capitalism to burn as well.
#Why does life have to be based around ‘the almighty dollar’?#Is it not enough simply to live?#I hate living life in a society where my existence is deemed useless the moment I stop having enough money to buy things#I hate rent I hate bills I hate purchases I hate debt I hate credit I hate banking I hate money I hate it all I hate it so much#I’m losing my god damn mind#I don’t want to work#I don’t want to have to pay to get a ride somewhere so I can sell my time doing something I don’t enjoy just so that I can have a home#I don’t want to have to make other people richer off the back of my hard work#I don’t want to buy Satya Nadella’s 85th yacht#I don’t want to make myself profitable#I don’t want to be worth any amount of legal tender#I want to live#I want to live and survive and thrive#I want to do things I enjoy and spend time with friends#and not have to constantly think about how it’s almost time to go back to work#I HATE IT HERE#LET ME OUT
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No thoughts, just Kaeya getting the equivalent of dunmeshi’s mana sickness when he starts training up his Abyssal abilities during his time with the Ragnvindrs and getting plagued with visions from the leylines near the Winery for a solid Week
#hc; kaeya#//Bc yes#//Its made worse by the fact that health was already p bad as it was at the time#//Now he’s dealing with abrupt nosebleeds and hallucinations; the odd feeling of smth lurking inside and gnawing at him from within#//It violently fluctuating to worse between him avoiding using and actively using#//Until he had to stop bc it rlly started scaring him; both consequences of it in himself & creatures it accidentally lured close#//only for him to pick it up and pick it up for good when he’s older; esp later on in his time with the knights and ESP when Luc left#//And he just got used to the feelings ever since; rationalizing it as a price to pay for another tool in his arsenal#//Still is daunting to randomly see people around the leylines or suddenly manifest in front of him tho#//Or in worse cases; him abruptly getting a nosebleed or dizzy spell bc he’d been using too much of that ability as of late#//Particularly his little teleportation trick; which he HELLA overuses in Dragonspine especially#//Its not as bad as it used to be; though it still happens when he overclocks himself on the off occasion#//But yeah#//Nothing a good drink can’t help him cope with#//Now that just opens opportunities for cracks ideas jfjfnfn#//Luc lecturing Rosie&/or Kae like Be careful dealing with Abyss creatures. too much exposure to their foul miasma can affect yer health-#//And Kae interrupts with a slurred Me when I overload my body on Abyss & see the souls of the damned#//Luc: the WHAT- / Kae: oh so NOW this isn’t a safe space all of a sudden-#//Rosie; idly contemplating either a double homicide or getting Kae to foot her bill as they proceed to bicker
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And maybe you'll be like "but if you don't trust businesses, how can you trust welfare?"
I fucking don't. My mom trying to get on food stamps fucked me up because a lady I never met without my permission got my SSN from my mom and started editing my files. My heart still races to this very second whenever I think about it, it kinda messed me up bad and I'll never ever ever see any kind of recourse
And I'm terrified that I'm gonna lose my medicaid just cause I inherited some money from my grandpa
And I've never even applied for disability cause it kinda doesn't matter finding out if I'd qualify or not cause of my depression, when the rules are so restrictive I don't know if I've even be allowed to keep my house
I do not fucking trust these things on a personal level. I feel like out of a lot of people I have the most to fear from them cause I'm on the edge of having things work, and that gets you punished
...but I need medicaid in order to have insurance (and when you strip out the finance side of medicaid, I love medicaid... they're honestly incredible insurance... I just... I just... dental is like 90% of why medicaid is so important to me, ever since I found out this state pays for it I've actually been able to do cleanings which is important to me cause I can't always get myself to brush)
And I think things like disability and food stamps are pretty damn important on a personal level, and honestly are also good for the economy cause they get people spending... it's practically a free cash infusion into the economy, cause these are people who need to buy stuff
There's just so much important stuff welfare does that it's worth dealing with government
No, what I want is more accountability so if someone gets my SSN from a 3rd party like my mom they're held to HIPPA styles standards where that's not ok to access my files without my permission (She changed my fucking address and tried to get medicaid to investigate me for fraud! Never even met me)
Like have some accountability there and in every situation
Secondly I want less punitive focused rules. I'd frankly prefer bezos get on disability than smack down some poor sod cause they got $2000 in the bank or cause their friend lets them live with them for free
If there's gonna be a cut off on these programs, it needs to be a solid step above the poverty line, cause... by definition I assume poverty line denotes kinda the minimum expected income people can reasonably live off of, and if you take away benefits people are gonna lose a chunk of money to covering that stuff themself, so you need a buffer before you kick people off
I don't fucking trust the government for a second, I've actively been fucked by them and on a personal level I avoid everything but medicaid and only that cause everything but the money is pleasant to deal with and I kinda need it (honestly if I was rich I'm not even kidding that I'd rather give medicaid like $400 a month than some insurance company, I sincerely like them as insurance)
But I'd trust them a lot more if they were less punitive, less out to hunt me down and gut me cause someone handed me a fiver or cause I started to get on my feet, and if government employees had concrete rules they had to follow that were actually transparent and enforced
Like 90% of my problems with welfare go away if they're held accountable and there's less "catch the welfare cheats" mentality going around
I don't trust the government in the slightest, but sadly there some jobs it kinda has to do, so I'd just rather force it to be an open book where the public can keep an eye on it and if they step out of line there's consequences (sort of like I don't trust most mega corps but happen to sometimes need stuff from them... did you know literally every cell service provider has been illegally selling shit like your location data to random people like bounty hunters, and the FCC just slapped them with a fine that's 0.02% of their yearly incomes and debated even doing that? I even can offer a source on that)
...I don't trust much of any authority cause they constantly fail me and kinda screw me. Don't trust doctors either, but I still gotta go to them, you know? ...they're just... they're real bad at listening... so many systems need systemic change
(You know who I really don't trust is the cops. I could point to so many examples. My uncle doesn't trust cops either, and he's an ex Fire and SWAT paramedic, he worked with them and we still got into a long conversation where he basically tore into them far better than I can)
(I don't trust authority that's not accountable)
#anyway; if I'm a lousy cheat or whatever least they can do is give me a gun so I can solve that problem#shit makes me wish I was canadian so I could take advantage of their sick implementation of assisted suicide#what should be a system that gives people a choice about the quality of their life; and I don't think should be relegated to terminal illne#...there was... think he was dutch; had been burned by his girlfriend all over his body; was in constant pain#and he ended up using assisted suicide in the end cause he was just in constant agony... think that's his choice to make#but of course the canadian system concretely pushes people; mostly the poor and disabled; to kill themselves#not theoretically; as in literally says word for word to them 'you should really kill yourself; just sign here'#it's sick; it truly is#but for any americans that want to dunk on it; I'm telling you we're no better#we have the exact same miserable desperation and people (again; mostly poor and disabled) into despair#only difference is we don't offer assisted suicide#the underlying issues in the US and canada are so damn similar; so much of what's happening ends up being the same#you can't act smug just cause you only make people want to die instead of also offering to help#that's like saying that you're the good guy cause while you did everything you could to drive someone to the brink#get them fired; slash their tires; just cartoon level villain stuff to personally harass this person... at least you won't hand them rope#we have such similar systemic issues to canada; and I am explicitly telling you that like the people in canada that have said#'I can't take it anymore; disability doesn't cover my expenses and I can't get any help... I'm at my wits end so I'm gonna go die'#I'm telling you that I feel that same way; just without any eugenics agency I can call up#I'm really working to get things stable; but it feels like I'm teetering on the edge of falling into permanent failure#and... and I'll actually tell you the amount even though I don't like to mention money... makes me feel guilty#my gramps left me $27k; which sounds like a lot; but I got 20 windows that need redoing (house has a lot of windows)#...if they ended up being 1k each; that's most of the money gone; if they end up being more...#and I got a whole lotta other stuff I've been putting off like plumbing around here; need to replace that faucet#it's an amount of money that helps; but it's an amount of money that isn't gonna last#...that's like a year of bills; and my mom already needs me to pay like $400 to the propane bill since she got behind#I want to use it to... to try and really get my feet on the ground; but it might loose me my insurance... it makes me want to die#and not to be a selfish bastard; but if I could I'd like to try and take and invest a bit to maybe build some passive income#given that... that a job never seems to work out for me cause I fucking suck and cause like... my insomnia has me up at 5:30 am right now#mm tag so i can find things later
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