#and all that Dean's overcome

[keen-eye]

something something great premise, bad writing…failure to adapt with the times…writers (white men) projecting their biases and fantasies and showing clear favoritism between 2 main characters…fans following suit…*

narrative not holding aggro “manly” man accountable for his actions…shut up, i’m right, screw you, get punched…but he had a shitty childhood…self-destructive, makes it everyone else’s problem…badass all american guy with a cool car, bitches, burgers, beer, and rock ‘n’ roll, baby…makes sexist and racist remarks, but he’s just a goofy guy…unbridled violence and refusal to mature are excused because he's an Action Hero…stuck in the 80s toxic masculinity mentality…apologizes, maybe means it, doesn’t change…alcoholism is hilarious…don’t let him around children…

less masculine man treated as a scapegoat...why is he whiny and annoying…giving but called entitled and selfish…stuck-up stick in the mud…polite, eats healthy food, likes a clean space, and knows how the internet works, ugh…samantha, danielle…don’t be a bitch/pussy about it…get emasculated, nerd…abused as well but learns to forgive…internalizes his rage and tries to be gentle…compassionate and sees the good in people…emotional intelligence, let’s talk this through…given female character treatment...held to a higher standard, judged more harshly...comfortable in his sexuality…vilified for holding justifiable resentment towards macho man…hate for character carries over to actor

oh and the homoerotic subtext (they break up every other episode)

and the target audience

dean & johnny are the anti-snowflake squad

[king0fcrows]

.

[jenanigans1207]

What I wanted so badly was for Mary to learn about her boys from Cas. Like that night where Cas finds her when she can’t sleep and she expresses that she just doesn’t know anything about her sons since she missed so much?? All I wanted was for Cas to sit down with her at the table and just start telling her about them. Basic stuff at first: their favorite foods, their sleeping habits, the stuff he’s just observed by being their passenger for years.

And then I want him to say something totally Cas, like “Dean always wears more layers but that’s because his body naturally runs two degrees colder than Sam’s. But that’s normal for him and not indicative of any illness, so it’s nothing to worry about.”

And as they talk, it starts to get a little deeper, and Cas tells her more. He tells her about what she missed, about all the horrible things that happened to her sons and how they coped; how it changed them. And he tells her about Sam, he does, but really it ends up being all about Dean.

He’ll tell her about how Dean clenches his fists when he’s upset, even as he tries to keep his face impassive. About how Dean drums his fingers on the steering wheel when he’s anxious. He’ll tell her about Dean’s nightmares, about the ways he’s chosen to cope. He’ll tell her how to know when to approach Dean and when to give him space, how to gently acknowledge what he’s feeling without pushing him too far.

And with every word he says, Mary’s curious head tilt from when she’d seen them hug in reunion turns into a bone deep type of certainty. Because Cas is telling her things that only someone who paid special attention would notice. He’s telling her things that only someone very, very close to her son’s heart would know.

Cas will tell her the cliff notes of what they’ve been through; will tell her how the whole world looked to Dean and he rose to the occasion over and over again. He’ll tell her about Dean’s doubts in himself and then vehemently declare them as wrong and explain, at length, why. He will tell her about the people Dean has loved— the people who loved him like he was their own— and lost. He will tell her about Bobby, Ellen, Jody, Donna, and Charlie. He’ll tell her about Claire, too, and how Dean stepped up.

And the whole time, Mary will have this realization that oh, she may not have been around to guide and protect her sons, but there was always someone there to care for them and support them when they needed it. She will realize that she and John may have left them, but they were never alone.

But more than that, there was someone there for Dean. Someone picking Dean over and over again while Dean picked Sam, or the world, over himself. There was someone fighting for Dean when he wasn’t fighting for himself. There was someone who saw Dean, and loved him unconditionally.

Sitting across from her, at the asscrack of dawn, filling her in on all the things she missed was every mother’s dream: someone who loved her child with the kind of devotion that would break the world. And from the sounds of the stories she was being told, it did break the world. Someone whose love is entirely untainted and comes without any strings attached.

It’s so clear to her as she listens to Cas talk that Cas loves Dean with no expectations. That loving Dean is something he just does, like he doesn’t know how not to love Dean, like the possibility of not loving him never occurred to Cas. He loves Dean in a way that Mary knows can and will soothe Dean’s sharp edges and battered heart. He loves Dean in the kind of pure way that tells Mary that it will continue to endure and overcome everything without ever diminishing, even the littlest amount.

Mary, through tears, will tell Cas how she always told Dean that there were angels watching over him. And before Cas can make some comment about Dean being the Righteous Man and the interest of most of Heaven, she will place a hand over his and give him a motherly look that will convey all the things she’s not sure how to say— and the things she’s not sure Cas is ready to hear yet. And Cas will flush and look away, mumbling about how her son is very special to him.

And when she pulls him into a hug and murmurs thank yous into his shoulder, she will be comforted in the knowledge that her sons turned out to be wonderful men, and that they managed to stay together through everything. She will be comforted to know that no matter what happens, no matter her shortcomings as she tries to fill a role she never meant to leave, Sam will have Dean and Dean will have Cas.

And this time, when Cas tells her that she belongs here, she will believe him. And she will tell him that he belongs here, too.

And when Dean wakes up a few hours later and wanders in to find Mary and Cas still chatting over the table, he’ll be surprised— but pleased— to find Mary looking more at ease. He’ll be pleased when she gives him a warm hug and pats him on the cheek and tell him with all the sincerity that only a mother can muster that she’s glad that he met Castiel. And when Dean agrees, a little confused, Mary will just smile at him.

“I always said I’d like a third son.” She says, “so give him a reason to take our last name, won’t you?”

And Dean will splutter and turn fifteen shades of red as he steadfastly doesn’t look at Cas but mumbles something that suggests he’s not against the idea at all.

And Mary will laugh again and wink at an equally red Cas before heading towards the kitchen like “Cas said waffles are your favorite, so I hope you’re hungry!”

[bluemerakis]

Recently finished Swayze’s ‘ghost’ and now I can’t stop thinking about post-Hell Dean, where the reader has his iconic brown leather jacket hanging in her room thinking she’s never gonna see him again but he shows up in her room (in a non creepy way as much as possible lol) and they fuuuuck like old times and she thinks she’s dreaming until she realises it’s actually him (or not lol) but the romanticism is screaming out to me, idk if it’s something you’d be interested in writing but omfg you’d write this so painfully well

ANON!! i LOVE LOVE LOVE this SO much! i’m so honoured that you’ve entrusted me with this idea—i had the time of my life writing this & went a lil wild with it LOL. thank you for your support and kind words, it means the world to me! i hope i did your request justice 🩵

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────────── ᝰ bluemerakis ༝༚༝༚ ───

❝ sunshine ❞

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pairing ୨୧ dean winchester x fem!reader

warnings .ᐟ s4!spoilers, established relationship, dramatic descriptions of grief, cussing, angst, sam being an adorable little angel, nip sucking, unprotected sex p in v, tooth-rotting fluff. lmk if I forgot any! if there are typos, no there isn’t

synopsis ─ after dean had sealed the deal that warranted him a one-way ticket to hell, you had no hopes of ever seeing him again. you were overcome with a grief that felt inescapable, but with sam’s help, you’d managed to pull through the storm and enter clearer skies. just when you thought you’d have to navigate a new life without dean, against all odds, he makes an unexpected appearance.

word count ~ roughly 15k

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Four months.

The duration of your ongoing turmoil. The grim tally of his absence.

For four months, you’d been trapped in the stagnant bog of your grief. It had formed the very first night you’d lost him, seizing your mind like a rabid plague. It didn’t matter which way you attempted to swim, or how hard you paddled to try and stay afloat, there was no sure escape from its bottomless depth. It immobilised your existence, broke down your hope—scattered it like falling leaves to be lapped up by the famished surface and swallowed to the point of no return. It was lonely and suffocating, but you’d since given up on waiting for a lifeline to be cast from some land beyond your gloomy horizon, so sure that you’d isolated yourself from any soul kind enough to try.

Except for Sam.

Sam had tried to rescue you many times, but the lines he casted were always too battered—chewed up by the demons of his own grief. And you knew that if you grabbed onto it—where he stood barely clinging to the other end—it would snap and pull him right in. You couldn’t do that to him, so you’d surrendered to the bog entirely, allowing your grief to engulf you into its endless, bone-chilling nothingness. And each day, you sank further and further, like the dead weight of a stone, drifting down into the pits of your despair. Your living, breathing death.

A slow, agonising journey of digestion—your body, mind and soul disseminating into nothing.

Reaching rock bottom hadn’t taken long, not when you’d been left feeling so shallow by the robbery of your life’s meaning. And you’d laid there ever since, slowly deteriorating, slowly drowning. Over and over and over again. You could have said that you were losing every part of yourself, but you hadn’t been whole to begin with, not for a long time—not since losing him.

If he were here, he could have saved you from yourself. But he wasn’t. And you hated him for it.

You hated him. For striking a deal with the devil. For placing his life on the line without a second breath. For lying to you about it. For even thinking that nobody would notice the dead space left behind. There were certain days that tended to plunge that hateful knife—already engrossed in your heart—a little deeper. A day like this morning.

The day that marked the anniversary of Dean Winchester’s death.

On the first day without him, you’d spent your time trying to fight it—forced smiles, laughs of denial, stares that didn’t linger on any of his belongings for too long. But it was hard not to come face to face with his memory when the ghost of his existence seemed to prowl after you at every turn and every corner of the apartment. His favourite coffee mug with an infamous chip on the rim. The frozen, pasty pies he’d crammed the freezer full of. Six packs of canned beers stocked along the pantry’s top shelf. His discarded shoes. His sparse watch collection. The shampoo bottle he’d diluted to last a month longer.

And that damn leather jacket, which currently draped from the frame of your desk chair.

It hung there like a museum exhibit—the memory of Dean Winchester, frozen in time. The jacket he’d left behind on the day he’d slipped your life for good. You hadn’t once touched it. You couldn’t bring yourself to lay your fingers across the leather when there’d be no warmth radiating through its fabric to soothe you—couldn’t face the fact that it’d reflect the cold, empty truth of it all. So there it laid, collecting dust and slowly drowning beneath the suffocating, grey sea without a merciful hand to liberate it. It was a cruel parallel of your own withering state.

Every morning, your eyes would peel through a hollow sleep, and the first thing they’d settle on was that damn jacket. Every. Single. Time. As if you needed the constant recap on top of everything else. You could have mustered up the courage to move it some place else that’d finally warrant the motto out of sight, out of mind. But the naive fool that had created that saying failed miserably at accounting for the woes of the brain. Once scorched into memory, nothing would ever truly be forgotten. You’d remember regardless of where that jacket lay—a curse bound to your life, never to be broken.

Unless you broke first.

You shifted at the heart of your king-sized bed, your head sinking back into your plumy pillow as you gazed up at the ceiling. At anything but that jacket. Your limbs sprawled out between the cotton sheets, taking maximum advantage to voyage the sea of space left at your disposal. While a mattress this large and luxurious should’ve offered you a sense of comfortable freedom, you couldn’t help but mourn all the space—space that at one point, had been occupied by him.

The gentle, golden glare of dawn had begun its steady journey into the room, letting itself in almost shyly through the slits of your curtains. The meek sunbeams sliced through the dim atmosphere you’d found solice within, and you watched as dust particles began to waltz around one another through the bronzed air—as if they’d been cast into the centre of the ballroom. Around and around they swirled in perfect, mirrored harmony. You thought it looked a lot like a courting display—more mental imagery to emphasise your loneliness.

For a second, some faded image—a memory—flashed across your mind. Yourself and Dean, taking to the neglected dance floor of a bar nearing its closing time. A half-emptied beer bottle clutched in his one hand as his other linked with yours, serving as the leash that dragged your protesting form to its debut on the dance floor.

You’d never been too confident in your dancing skills, a fact you’d tried many times to disclose, but Dean had been insistent. Somewhere behind you, Sam had whooped from the comfort of the booth you’d both discarded, and when you’d glanced back at the younger Winchester, he had his beer-adorned hand raised into the air as a cheer. You’d scoffed with a heavy thanks for nothing.

When you’d turned back to Dean, he’d drawn up in his tracks without any prior warning, causing you to crash not-so-elegantly into his torso. Instinctively, your free palm had lurched forward to cradle his chest in a steadying motion, your chin tilting up to grace him with a stunned giggle.

The drink he’d throttled in his other hand sloshed with the jolt, foam tumbling over the nozzle’s edge like a provoked volcano’s tantrum. It slathered his fingers and trickled to the floor, adding fresh patterns to the aged, sticky blotches already scattered amidst the young night.

“Woah, easy there, tiger,” he’d laughed, but the hand that’d dragged you here released your fingers only to form a seductive curve at the small of your back. There, he’d pulled you in even closer, his lips closing in on you with the promise of a love-sick kiss. But instead, his jaw had dipped past your temple, lips grazing your cheekbone before hovering at your ear. “There’s nuff o’ me to go ‘round without you jumpin’ ship for the first spot,” he husked. You’d practically felt the grin spreading his lips.

You’d ducked your head away from his with a hearty huff. “Down, boy,” you’d scoffed, hands trailing up his chest to crown either shoulder with a natural ease. The touch had been smooth, magnetic. And maybe you two were like magnets, utterly obsessed with being intangible, and eager to keep on exploring every inch of one another with a shifting touch rather than be torn apart.

Dean’s eyes had lowered to the naughty line you’d drawn to his shoulders, the grin he’d taken up deepening enough to suction his cheeks into the dimples you’d come to adore. When he’d acquainted your eyes again, it was through a heavy-lidded stare that promised all sorts of activities to reciprocate your tantalising touch. “Oh, I’ll get down, alright,” he’d chuckled hoarsely, leaving the line open to interpretation as he brought his beer to his lips. He’d downed a slow, deliberate sip, his eyes not once straying from yours as he watched you mentally decipher his words.

“You know what? Enough of your games,” you’d laughed, hands slipping from his chest to forsake the dance floor before you’d have a chance to make it regret hosting you. You’d attempted to turn tail and flee, but Dean’s hand had found your wrist in a firm, yet gentle tug, and then you were held prisoner under those hypnotising eyes once more. Your lips had split to offer some final protest, but his own lips puckered into a shushing pout that had you clamping down on your tongue.

“Don’t say anythin’, just dance with me,” he’d instructed, and then the hand tethering you to him lifted, your arm following the motion like a chain effect. Against your will, you were spun around in an awkward, off-timed circle that deviated abominably from the background music. When you came to face him once more, his chest had rattled with a laugh a little too passionate for your liking. “That was adorable—like a toddler learnin’ she’s got the gears but don’t quite know which she’s shiftin’.”

Your cheeks had seared hot at that comment, free hand diving forward to shove his chest lightly. “Stop—I warned you!” You’d simpered.

“Hey!” He’d laughed, beer-occupied hand lifting in a gesture of innocence. “I’m only playin’! You’ll get the hang o’ it—I’ll teach ya. Watch.” Your hand lifted under his guidance as he executed his own spin—even more sprawled and ridiculous than yours had been. Your free hand had flown to cradle your mouth as a disbelieved chortle blared through, and as Dean came to face you once more, his brows were lifted in question. “Eh? I’m a natural, yeah?”

You’d giggled into your palm again before dropping your hand back to your side, lips pursing with amusement. “Let’s just say that I don’t think either of us should be teaching the other,” you’d huffed through a pained smile.

Dean lowered your joined hands to the space between you. “Well,” he’d begun, pulling you into his frame once more, like he just couldn’t get enough of your presence—like he wanted it to hog him. “Guess we just gotta. . . y’know, feel this one out together,” he’d murmured suggestively, eyes narrowing with cheek while he released your hand to settle into its natural hold at the small of your back.

You’d leaned your smirk-heavy lips closer to his with a content hum, your hands coming to wrap around his neck. “Sounds like a plan. I’ll follow if you lead.” He’d grinned approvingly at that, tugging you along to a slow and steady sway of the bodies, which you’d succumbed to and harmonised with in no time—much to your surprise.

“Sammy!” Dean had called to his younger brother, his eyes not once straying from yours as he presented his beer in the direction of the booth. “All yours for the takin’.” He’d paused to steal a glance at your beaming lips. “I got my own special o’ the night.”

You’d laughed at that, and Dean’s charm had grown all the more potent as he stretched out the dance between the two of you for what felt like a good couple of hours. In the background, the music in bad taste had blared on, ever so eager to cheapen the moment between the two of you, but you’d become so enthralled with one another that all else around you was drowned out, anyway.

Both his hands had selfishly hoarded your lower back, pressing you so far into him that you’d stumbled around his feet more times than you’d have liked to admit. But you’d remained steadied by the hands furled around his neck, and comforted by the gentle, reciprocated press of your foreheads, gazing into the sanctuary of one another’s eyes.

If you’d known then, in that moment, that Dean Winchester was going to die, you’d have held onto him a little longer—and probably never have let go. Even if it killed you, too.

With a heavy, rattled rise of your chest, you came back to your grim present, drawing in a long and shaky breath. You shifted between the sheets to roll onto your side, arm coming up beneath the underside of your pillow to cradle it like an emotional support teddy. You tuned your attention to your curtain-clad windows, and like a corpse, you continued to rot away within your coffin of a mattress, watching idly as the sun continued to announce its ascent.

It wasn’t long before warm golds drained into a paler shades that fully lit your room now—the official statement of a new day. But still, you didn’t stir. The curtains remained cast, the windows crammed closed as tightly as they’d been left about a week ago, and your soul feeling anything but renewed to tackle this heavy day head on.

Somewhere beyond your wall, footsteps thrummed lightly down the hallway. Now and again, you’d let yourself believe that they belonged to Dean, on his way to brew you both a morning cuppa—just to offer some pathetic, fleeting slither of comfort. But nothing—nobody could ever fill those shoes left behind. It hadn’t stopped Sam from trying, though.

Before Dean’s. . . disappearance, the brothers had stayed together in the larger room of your two-bedroom apartment—nothing like reliving the good old times, right? It didn’t much bother either one of them, given that Dean had slept in your bed on most nights, leaving the space feeling basically like Sam’s own. The dynamic between you all worked well, and it was practical for a hunter’s lifestyle. Costs were cut, perimeters familiarised and mapped out, and the shared company between you all was reliable. Trustworthy.

You’d become a blended family of some sort. You didn’t think there was any external force that could’ve torn you all apart. But you hadn’t accounted for an inside job. Hadn’t accounted for the weak link that was you.

After Dean’s death, you’d gone into a self-destructive spiral, eager to push anybody and everybody away while you feigned bravery. But Sam had clocked you like an open book, and it made him the hottest target of your impulsive ire.

You couldn’t stand looking at the younger Winchester, how he served as a constant reflection of your own grief—the grief you’d tried so hard to drown out. You knew you should have bonded with him over your shared loss, and the younger Winchester had tried everything to utilise that angle to be there for you, but it’d only made you push back harder. You half expected him to walk out after the first week, but you’d forgotten how deep-rooted stubborness ran within the Winchester bloodline.

Sam had continued to stick around. Why was beyond you. You could have argued that it was because he’d come to love you like a sister, but you couldn’t help the feeling that Dean had made him promise to look out for you, should he ever bite the dust. And it made you hate him more. Because if it were the latter, it meant that Dean had always intended to stay en route on the sacrificial pathway you’d tried countless times to swerve him from. And it meant that loving you hadn’t been reason enough for him to become sidetracked.

If only he’d held out a little longer and put off making that damned deal, you could have continued searching for a solution that didn’t end with either of the Winchesters’ deaths. But deep down, you knew that fate hadn’t written that ending down in any of her books. That continuing to skim page after page would have done nothing but waste minutes paid in blood. Deep down, you knew that Dean had no other choice, but it didn’t make you hate him any less for choosing it.

The faint clanking of utensils transcended the walls, indicating that Sam had worked himself into the kitchen. It was like a routine now. Every morning, the same time. You thought he might’ve craved some taste of control over his life by instilling this morning pattern he now followed so religiously.

You envied how well he seemed to hold himself together, despite it being his blood that had passed on. It made you feel invalidated in all your mourning. After all, if he could move on from the loss of his brother, whom he’d known all his life, why couldn’t you move on from a man you’d known for a pitiful number that paled in comparison?

As they so often did, your thoughts rampaged for a while longer, so eager to hold you captive between the sheets. But eventually, you felt the pit of neglect burrowed into your stomach gape wider, something that you couldn’t ignore any longer.

Your head turned to glimpse the plates you’d stacked atop the bedside table over the last few days. Almost all of them held meals that you’d scarcely picked at, meals Sam had cooked you, and they were starting to smell. It wasn’t doing much to help encourage the full return of your appetite. But still, you had to eat—something fresher, of course.

Eventually, you mustered up the courage to stir and shed the sheets, your week-old pyjamas falling limp around your frame as you shovelled your weight onto wilted legs. You stood for a moment, taking in this new pull of gravity, before angling yourself toward the door.

At the corner of your eye, it beckoned to you. You shouldn’t have looked, shouldn’t have given it the attention it so desperately craved, but how could you stand steadfast when you were crippled with the need to reminisce him during every waking moment? So you buckled, like you always did, and turned to glance over the waiting leather jacket.

It beamed a little brighter this time around, illuminated by the sun’s pale touch. It looked almost angelic, and you could have sworn that new life had been bestowed upon it—like a reincarnation. But no matter how long you stared, no body seemed to materialise between its hold to glorify that hope. Still no Dean Winchester to show for it.

So much for having faith.

With a barely audible scoff, you finally tore your gaze away and trudged toward your bedroom door. You reached for the handle, fingers hovering over the cool metal as you took a moment to think about what’d you say to Sam. Starting with an apology would probably be ideal, followed up by a looping string of thank yous for everything he’s done. You swallowed thickly before tightening your hold, the mechanism clicking open with a brash sound that cut through your senses. And then, like a ghost, you neglected your grave and slunk into the hallway.

When you traipsed into the open-plan apartment on light, reluctant feet, your eyes wandered over to the kitchen at the corner, where Sam had already made himself comfortable at the hot lip of the stove. His back was turned on you, but you caught the whisk of his arms as he executed an impressive flip of something within the skillet. It landed with a muffled thump, a result that had Sam hissing out a noise of satisfaction.

A shy, smoky ghost levitated above the Winchester, and it wasn’t long before the cracked kitchen window wafted a clue in your direction—the sweet tang of pancakes tickling your nose. Usually, it was a smell that had you inhaling a little deeper, like you couldn’t miss savouring even a scrap of its existence. Now, the smell roused nothing other than a faint reminder of just how much you didn’t crave breakfast. Or anything, for that matter. But still, duty called. More like your stomach would begin eating itself if you insisted on starving it for a day longer.

With a practiced breath of bravery, you picked your way past the living room sofas, your sock-clad feet scuffling across the floor with a severe lack of motivation. As you approached the kitchen island, you spotted a can of sweetened whipped cream—your favourite—and a bowl of berries straddling the plated, ever-growing stack of pancakes. It was the complete picture your stomach needed to enlist the first of its rumbling, but you hadn’t had much of a mental appetite for quite some time. The simple joy you’d once held for eating had been boiled down to the dull necessity of sustenance—you ate only because your body needed fuel. Anything more than that just wasn’t worth feeling.

And, truthfully, it was a baffling, new reality because there was a time you'd have nagged the boys to drive you halfway across the country to try some new cuisine you'd seen advertised across billboards. You’d scribble down the names of the niche diners and renowned restaurants in your trusty notebook to be reviewed on the trips back to the motels, heated debates unfolding as the brothers either vouched for or condemned your idea of a good meal. Now, the memories were so distant that you'd started to wonder whether they'd even existed. Whether that version of you still existed.

You brought up the rear of one of the kitchen chairs, moving a hand to cradle your protesting stomach while the other outstretched to retract the chair at the rim. The sudden, intrusive screech of wood against wood was enough to startle Sam into a growing awareness of his surroundings. He pivoted on his heels to face you, the pan making a reflexive dive in your direction in what was meant to be some pitiful means of a defence. The white of his eyes blared through, his tall frame ducking slightly as he assumed a defensive position.

Your composure didn’t falter as you slunk into the seat; his reaction wasn’t any surprise, not when you lead the adrenaline-laced life of a hunter forced to guard their six on a daily. And you doubted he’d expected any company after you’d basically stopped existing outside of your room these last couple of days—and at this early hour, no less.

What did surprise you, though, was that the pancake had managed to cling to the metal of the skillet in the midst of his jolt.

As Sam drank in your familiar form, his broad shoulders sagged visibly under his growing relaxation, the vice grip he’d unintentionally taken up around the pan’s handle now relenting an inch.

“Oh,” he stuttered out, a flustered half-chuckle diffusing his misplaced adrenaline. He slunk toward the island with his head slightly bowed, his gaze flickering between you and the pan. “Hey,” he murmured, his lips pursing shortly after the meek sound, as though he were afraid to let the wrong words slip. His caution wasn’t misplaced; you hadn’t exactly been kind to him these last few days.

It usually went that way around this time of the month. The days stepping up to the anniversary of Dean’s death tended to trip you right into the worst vision of yourself. You were more sullen than usual, losing patience over minuscule things, and sinking jaws of hostility into anybody who’d even attempted to offer hollow words of comfort.

Bobby had been the first to withdraw with some muttered crap of I’m too old for this shit. But Sam had always been too forgiving. He’d stuck around regardless of your temper, taking all the verbal beatings while he tended to your unspoken needs in ways that you couldn’t. You owed him so much more than you were capable of giving at this time.

You leaned onto the cool marble of the island, your hands coming forward in a timid fold as your lips flattened into a pathetic spectacle of a smile. “Hey, Sam,” you murmured, and for a second, the sound startled you. It was so dull, so lifeless—you’d even go so far as to say that it was so unlike you.

It was a stark contrast to the version of yourself the brothers had learnt to tolerate, maybe even appreciate—constant chatter and running commentary streaming live from the backseat of the impala. Dean had gone so far as to nickname you sunshine and rainbows, trailing after the twin storm clouds—the Winchesters—that seemed to thunder down on the unassuming world. But now, you felt like nothing more than the rolling, gloomy skies that paved way for everything wet, woeful and destructive. A weather so devastating that a show of a rainbow would be a mockery rather than a promise.

Sam returned your smile almost sheepishly, his head dipping to drink in the view of the counter. “You, uh. . . you sleep alright?” He asked, the pan coming forward to leer you over as he tipped the metal downwards and crowned the seasoned stack of pancakes with the fresh newcomer.

Your eyes lowered to the newest addition of the pancake pile, following the faint trails of heat that seemed to rise with a freedom and lightness you craved to feel. “Yeah,” you lied, your lower lip instantly pulled into a tense bite. “Yeah, I slept. . . fine.”

You knew that Sam wasn’t convinced, the moment of silence following after evidence of some tactic he might’ve been mentally reviewing to try and coax the truth from you. You began tracing a line along the patterns of the marble counter with your index finger, anticipating the awkward conversation to come.

“Come on, really?” He laughed softly, but the sound was gentle and sympathetic, not slathered with amusement or scorn. “‘Cause I didn’t,” he confessed.

You glanced up at him in surprise, your finger halting in its place. “Really?” You breathed out softly, instant relief crashing over you. Maybe Sam hadn’t recovered as much as you thought he had, and as unfortunate as that was, you couldn’t help but feel slightly comforted—less alone.

He tipped his head to the side in consensus, a wry scoff piercing his lips. “Honestly? Can’t remember the last time I did,” he said, eyes flickering up to glance you over briefly before he turned his back on you to discard the pan at the sink. He slid over to the stove, flicking buttons and shifting dishes before he was back at the island. “I mean, I sleep—but just. . . not very well.” He took up a spatula and began shovelling at the pancake stack. “One?” He asked intuitively.

“One’s perfect,” you said. You watched as he dragged the rim of the spatula down the building of pancakes, stopping somewhere around the middle floor before he slid the utensil inward. He shimmied out a hot and fluffy pick, placing it onto your plate rather gingerly before he nudged it in your direction. “Thanks, Sam,” you murmured, receiving it with a forced show of eagerness—you didn’t want your lack of an appetite to make things more personal than they already felt.

“Yeah, anytime,” he answered, sparing you a soft smile before he took to plating his own stack of three.

You held off on digging into your singular pancake, hands idling around the knife and fork bracketing your plate as you waited for the younger Winchester to cover up the remainder of the breakfast.

With a satisfied dusting of his palms, he finally pushed his own plate across the marble to slide in a distance beside yours before he made his way around the island. He pulled out the seat beside you and settled himself down with a heavy plop and an appreciative grunt—almost like an old man of some sorts.

He took up his cutlery and glanced over at you with a comforting smile. “Time to, uh. . . dig in, I guess,” he laughed lightly. “There’s whipped cream and berries if you’d like.” His chin jutted to the listed toppings, and then his knifed hand jolted into the air suddenly. “Oh, and there’s syrup, too. I’ll fetch it from the pantry.”

Without waiting for your response, he set down the cutlery and shifted back in his chair, but you turned your body a slither to face him before he could slip away as quickly as your nerve.

“Sam, wait,” you said, your hands straying from the table to bundle in your lap in an anxious toying of fingers.

He halted in place almost instantly, turning to face you with his brows quirked an inch—like your sudden unrest was news to him. But you knew he was only trying to be polite in playing his attentive part; he likely knew exactly what this was about. “Yeah?”

You drank in his softened eyes, and they held so much purity and innocence that it caused your heart to sag with a fresh, guilt-ridden heaviness. It tugged your head down to the view of your lap, your chest heaving with a shuddering inhale. “I’m so sorry,” you blurted out, your voice rattled by so much regret that it began to quiver.

At the edge of your vision, you saw Sam settle back into his seat, arms drawing onto the counter. “Hey,” he cooed gently. “It’s oka—”

“No, it’s not okay,” you cut in hastily. “I need to say this. I’m sorry for everything—for the way I acted. . . for the things I said—you didn’t deserve any of it, Sam.” You began picking at the skin of your nails. “I just, I have all this. . . anger inside of me. I’m angry at myself, and I’m angry at Dean—I’m angry at everything cause everything’s just so fucking unfair. And I know that it’s not an excuse, but I just. . . I figured. . . I don’t know. There’s a lot I don’t know,” you scoffed, but you braved face and lifted your head to face him once more. “But I do know that I am truly, deeply sorry.”

Sam’s head lowered to take in the view of his plate, his eyes darting about the porcelain. “Listen,” he eventually murmured, his mouth stuttering around air as he searched for the right words. Eventually, he settled on grace. “I get it, okay?” His chin lifted to gift you with a break you didn’t think you deserved. “All that anger inside of you. . . I’ve felt it before—more than I’d like to admit, actually,” he laughed dryly before his expression warped into something more solemn. “It eats you up inside. . . makes you say and do things you wouldn’t usually say or do. There are so many times I’ve gone down that road, but Dean—he’s always been there to pull me back, even if it was by the tip of my ear.” He laughed again, this time more genuine, and you couldn’t help but crack a smile of your own.

Sam’s head lowered again, his smile simmering away. “Anyway, I guess what I’m tryna say is that, I get it. I get why you said the things you did, and I’m not mad about it. For once, I don’t feel that anger anymore.”

Slowly, your fingers began to still their fidgeting as you listened to him talk, your chest cooperating by letting up on its rapid pace.

The younger winchester upturned his eyes to yours with a new ferocity. “I’m here for you. I’m always gonna be here for you—and not just because I owe Dean that much, but because you’ve been there for me, too. So many times. Even at my. . .” He trailed off as he averted his gaze to the side, some unspoken shame breaching his conscious. You saw his Adam’s Apple bop under a heavy swallow before he turned back to you. “Even at my worst,” he continued. “So. . . don’t worry about it, really. I get it.”

For the first time in a long time, you found your eyes watering an emotion other than grief and heartbreak—something far lighter and rejuvenating. Love. Appreciation. Relief. You envied Sam’s ability to barrel through this cruel life so determined to pin him down, and you admired how each time, he seemed to emerge with a heart even larger than before. Even after all the rounds you’d emptied into his chest, he stood tall, still offering that hand you so desperately needed to pull you from your self-dug trenches.

Maybe, it was about time you finally took it.

The first tear slipped the keep of your eye, jettisoned from the ledge of your cheekbone to where it splattered across the marble top. Your hand flew to wipe the moisture away, an ugly sniff racking your chest. There was a clank of shifting metal before Sam’s hand came forward to brush your shoulder.

“Hey,” he cooed softly, and then you were carefully tugged into the side of his towering frame. “Come here,” he urged, and he was so gentle that it had you fully succumbing to his hold without a single reflexive need to resist. His arm snaked around your shoulder blades to hook around your arm as he drew you into a tight hug, your hands bundling further into your lap. “It’ll be okay. We’ll get through this. Together,” he added pointedly, a clear warning that he didn’t intend to let you get your lonely way again. You were okay with that.

Your lower lip began quivering with fresh emotion—guilt bouncing on the rim the heaviest. “I’m so sorry, Sam,” you reiterated.

Your felt his chin settle into the crown of your head, the vibration bouncing off your hair. “For what? Being human?” He laughed. “In case you haven’t noticed, we tend to be dicks from time to time, and I’d say hunters have more right than most to be a bigger one now and again.”

You laughed—actually laughed at that, the sound snotty and slightly gross, but real. Sam harmonised with his own throaty chuckle, the hand furled around your arm in a tight, reassuring grip relenting to rub comforting lines up and down the expanse.

“Now, enough of the pity party. Let’s finish these pancakes before they get cold, and then what do you say we pull out a couple of board games?” He gave you one last comforting squeeze before slowly releasing you from the hug.

You leaned away from him, centring your weight back over your own chair as you turned your head down to your plate with a thoughtful pout. “Okay,” you agreed, your chin ducking in tiny, accepting nods. You sniffed away the lingering tears, hand coming up to pat your eyes one last time for good measure. Then, your head swivelled to face him as you put on a weak smile. “Hey—think you’re smart enough to challenge me to a game of scrabble?”

Sam laughed as though your challenge was satire, but you frowned with slight offence, which sobered his smile into a look of confusion. “Wha—you’re serious?” He huffed, jaw gaped around disbelief.

“And why wouldn’t I be?” You exclaimed, your voice cracking around a light giggle—the first you’d uttered in a while. “I’m as smart as you are—we read the same books!”

His averted his gaze, head cocking to the side with a scoff before he glanced back at you in amusement. “Yeah, and after you gave your reports, I had to go back and reread every single one of those books to fill in information you left out,” he said pointedly.

You shook your head with light disbelief, a thin chuckle following after. “You know what? Let’s have that round, and if you win, you can bullshit my literacy skills all you like. Deal?” You outstretched your hand across the counter.

Sam’s gaze ducked to the gesture, his brows cocking on a look that you thought was a little too smug, before his hand reached to link with yours in an informal pact. “Deal,” he said through a scheming smirk.

You squeezed his hand lightly as a warning. “Wipe that douche-display off your lips, nothing’s set in stone.”

“Yeah, no, of course,” he replied nonchalantly, but when your hands unlinked, you saw the corner of his mouth hitch with some mental remark.

“All right, that’s it.” You took up your utensils while Sam glanced you over with slight surprise. You began digging into your pancake with a renewed sense, plopping the first piece into your mouth and taking on a ferocious chew. There was a brief wave of nausea at the food’s sudden intrusion before it quickly dissipated at the sweet taste, beckoning you back for another bite.

“You might wanna slow down there,” he laughed, hands tending to his own plate before they finally presented his first bite to his lips with far more poise.

“Uh uh,” you hummed through a mouthful, swallowing thickly before continuing. “I got a lot riding on this. You made it personal when you brought my ego into this. Sooner we’re done here, sooner I can beat you.”

Sam let out a disbelieved laugh, but didn’t argue any further as he began dissembling his own pancakes at a faster rate. Once you’d both lapped down the dough and licked the plates clean, you’d taken to washing up the dishes and wiping down the counters while Sam procured the board games that had long since collected dust. You’d taken the liberty of microwaving you both a bowl of popcorn and pouring glasses of soda while he set out the game within the living room. Then, you both settled down for the first round, snacks at the ready.

Sam had won, as he’d so smugly anticipated. But you weren’t so eager to be humiliated without a challenge, so for the rest of the day, you’d played out the game to a tally of the most wins. Hours seemed to pass like the impression of a second, the apartment growing dimmer and dimmer with each trailing retreat of the sun.

Eventually, you were both cast in a saturated bronze that poured in through the living room windows, illuminating the score page you’d scribbled up and further glorifying Sam’s final win. He took the game by far, and you were forced to acknowledge that maybe he was the smarter one of you both. Or at least the more apt thinker.

After that, you’d both powered through a movie of his choice, chowing down on some Chinese takeout he’d had delivered. And you emptied the carton down to the last noodle, appeasing the appetite you’d developed somewhere throughout the day. Already, you felt so much lighter—physically and mentally—and you knew that you owed it all to Sam and his perseverence. You couldn’t help but beam with some newfound appreciation for the younger Winchester.

Through the darkness, the tv screen emitted just enough light to illuminate Sam’s side profile. His eyes were glued to the screen, jaw circulating hasty chews as he practically inhaled his second bowl of popcorn. The sight made you shake your head with light amusement, and you watched him a little longer just for the sake of it.

“Hey, Sam?” You eventually called, which made him face you with a look of sudden concern.

His hand halted within his bowl. “Yeah?”

“Thank you. For today—for everything.” You offered him a warm, appreciative smile. He’d given you something you desperately needed today—a distraction. From everything and most definitely from yourself. Debts like those didn’t feel possible to repay, but you’d try, regardless. As long as it took.

Sam took a moment to drink in your words, his features motionless before his brows furrowed like he’d made nothing of your gesture. “Yeah, no problem,” he answered, a smile to match yours following shortly after. You both turned your attention back to the screen, and for the rest of the movie, you sat in comfortable, popcorn-tinged silence.

Once the movie came to an end, you’d both chatted about anything and everything until the first person let a yawn slip—that person being you. After that, you’d both tidied up the space, folded the blankets and packed the games back into their keep. Then, you’d dipped into your room to gather your old dishes, discarding the food and washing up the plates. Sam had helped pack it all away.

Once the day’s chores were wrapped up, you’d both exchanged your nightly greetings before going your separate ways. Sam retreated back to his room, though not without snagging a thick book from the shared reading shelf. You’d briefly slipped into your own room to pull out a fresh set of pyjamas and a towel before dipping your toes into a much needed shower.

Once you felt you’d scrubbed off enough of your week-long rot, you’d slunk from the shower and back to your room to call it a day. When you clicked the door closed behind you, you hovered on the spot with a hearty sigh into the dim atmosphere. You took a moment to reflect on the day, and for once, it provoked a smile—not sadness, not anger, not grief—but a genuine smile. The relief after the storm.

You flicked on the light and dressed yourself into your fresh set of clothes, teeth brushed and hair secured back before you flicked the lights off and sank into your bed with a new type of exhaustion. A fulfilling one. It wasn’t long before sleep arrived to hurl you into vivid dreams, and not unlike other times, you dreamt of Dean.

Within your bed, he had you bare and sprawled out beneath his own nude figure, his lips wandering gentle, curious trails along the side of your jaw before dipping down the ledge to trawl the arch of your neck. His elbows propped him up on either side of your head as he took his time to lovingly brand you with his wet caress, your own hands combing blissful strokes through his hair.

You sank back into your pillow, lips parting with breathy mewls as he shifted his attention down to your breasts. He moved to cup one tenderly, tongue swirling a loop around the hardened bud, his strained moan sprawling into the mix of stimulation as you tightened your hold within his hair.

“Dean,” you exhaled weakly, for no reason other than to verbalise the unorthodox way he made you feel. Your teeth found your lower lip in a restrained nibble as he acknowledged your absent-minded praise with a gentle kneading of your breast—as if he sought to gorge on it to the point of total devouring.

You felt the blood flow vigorously to your chest, spurred onward by the suctioning of his lips, and it pooled at your nipple, causing it to throb within his hold. You let slip a soft noise of discomfort, your hand collapsing from his hair to gently push him back at the collarbone.

Dean’s head lifted to yours, a slight pant wafting from his glistening lips. “All good there, sunshine?” He murmured, hand slipping from your breast to run a light, reassuring finger across your cheek. He smudged away the moisture beading along your skin before settling his thumb in the divot of your chin.

“Too much,” you breathed through a dazed grin, hand coming up to gently wrap around his wrist. “You’re like a leech,” you added with a soft giggle.

His lips thinned in a proud smirk, encouraged by your tease rather than offended. “Damn right I am—have you tasted you? Freakin’ delicious,” he praised, smacking his lips in a dramatic show and tell. It made you giggle and release his wrist to pin his lips between your thumb and index finger, and you held them captive while he mumbled noises of protest. He looked so ridiculous, it warmed your heart.

“Stop that!” You laughed, your cheeks flushing hot at the silly sight of him.

Dean wiggled his lips between your grasp until he was able to wrap his lips around a finger, nibbling your skin tenderly so that you released a light squeal and pulled away from his famished lips. “Stop what?” He mocked lightheartedly, head lowering down to you as he followed after your retreating hand with a determined grin playing his lips.

Your hands flew to your chest in a pretence of helplessness, your giggles elevating to a heartier laugh as he pretended to chase after them. His teeth acquainted the air all around them with animated chomps, but made no good on the promise. Eventually, he gave up the hunt and pressed his lips to the side of your jaw, gradually tracing his way up to the soft curve of your cheek before he drew back an inch to gaze into your eyes.

“My sunshine,” he said softly, adoringly, leaning down to nuzzle the button of your nose with his own before he placed a soft kiss there.

Your heart trilled love-struck melodies around Dean’s proud declaration, the magnitude of your smile hoisting up the apples of your cheeks until your eyes were compressed into half-moons. “Say it again,” you murmured, palms drifting up to frame his face and thumbs twiddling to soothe the humps of his cheeks.

Your touch set Dean’s composure alight, his sultry stare softening into something more pure and needy. His eyes narrowed as he gazed down at you, as though you had captured his complete and undivided attention. You found yourself getting so wrapped up in their green depths that for a second, it felt like you couldn’t breathe.

“You’re my sunshine,” he repeated in a voice so low and soft that it bordered a husky whisper, but the love imbued into those words carried through as clear as a shout. “I don’t care if that sounds like the title of a Jane Austen novel. You’ve got this. . . fire to you, the kind that nobody—nothin’ can gank. And you draw people into your orbit like they’d never stood a damn chance. Trust me, I sure as hell didn’t,” he laughed, both his hands coming up as a unit to brush back the hair framing your face. “And you’re warm. . .” He trailed off to place a kiss on your cheek, “—and radiant—” and then the other. “And my whole goddamn universe.”

You gazed at him as he pulled away from your proximity, his eyes brimming with love as he waited for your response. What you wanted to say was, “I knew you read Jane Austin in your free time!”, a harmless poke that would keep this tender moment elevated at meaningful heights. Then you’d both share a laugh, and melt into the night cocooned within each other’s warmth.

But deep down, something more solemn tugged at the strings of your heart—an unanswered question that slowly began to resurface despite your attempt to bury it time and time again. So instead, you said, “then how could you leave me?”

Dean’s face warped into a light frown, your question catching him off guard. For a few seconds, he did nothing but stare, his lips parting to search for an answer that you’d waited months to hear. But when he looked as though he might finally answer, no sound carried through to lay your suspense to rest. His mouth gaped and his lips moved, but they formed nonsensical words, and no matter how hard you tried to focus and decipher your most craved confession, it never came to you.

Then, the scene around you began to distort, the lights cutting out and the shapes of the room’s decor warping erratically. And when you blinked, Dean had disappeared entirely—his atoms scattered into the cosmos of your mind. You tried to call out to him, to summon him back to his rightful place beside you, but it seemed as though he were destined to be robbed from the palm of your hands—both in the waking world, and in the confines of your own mind.

And then you, in your entirety, were dissolved into a black abyss, the surroundings melting away like you’d imagined it all in a vivid episode of mania. For a moment, you floated around in a void, your mind slowly dissociating from the fantasies of its own creation. You heard nothing, saw nothing, but somehow, you felt a touch lingering upon your arm. It was warm, familiar, and even though no face materialised to claim it, you knew that it was Dean.

You prepared yourself to mourn the loss of it once you emerged into the waking world, but as your eyes fluttered open, your lids blinking frantically to clear your vision, the touch didn’t fade. If anything, it became more palpable, solid—real. And when you’d adjusted enough to the dawn haze shrouding your room, it wasn’t the image of the leather jacket that arrived first to taunt you.

It was Dean.

You blinked harder, more desperately, your heart rate skyrocketing as you attempted to rationalise whatever fucked up delusion your exhausted mind was currently displaying you. But his body didn’t vaporise into nothingness, and blinking didn’t seem to possess the same parlour trick of making the rabbit disappear, like it did in your dreams.

It was real.

There he sat, as stoic as a statue, at the edge of your mattress, and the hand you’d felt cupping your arm stroked up the curve of your shoulder to gently frame your neck. The contact sent a shiver up your spine, your lips falling open to expel a shaky breath.

It can’t be, you thought, your brows contracting in a puzzled frown. He’s dead—he’s in hell, he can’t be here.

Through the dawn gloom, you could make out the faintest stretch of his lips—an almost simper. “Good mornin’, Sunshine.” But you didn’t recognise the voice. It was low, gruff and abraded, like his vocal cords had been extracted and sent through the grinder before being forcibly shoved back into its compartment. And he sounded dull, the type of dull you’d come to embody in his absence. It was. . . anything but Dean Winchester.

Your lower lip began to quiver, your shoulder drawing into yourself as you shied away from his touch. “This isn’t real,” you choked out, hastily collecting yourself onto your elbows as you sought to put some distance between you two. “You’re not real!” You exclaimed in rising volume, which had the impersonator stretching out both his hands in a steadying motion.

“You’ll wake Sammy,” he whispered urgently—a harsh sound that came across as more of a scold.

You frowned as you inched yourself a fraction across the mattress, eager to reach the end opposite to where he sat. “Who are you?” You demanded in a tone more regulated, your hand subtly reaching behind you to grab ahold of the salt container you kept on the bedside table like a framed picture.

Dean’s eyes seemed to follow your not-so-subtle play with dry amusement. “It’s me,” he insisted gruffly, his hands coming to settle on his knees—and one of them bounced with unspoken thoughts. It was a habit you’d come to recognise since knowing him, and it did a fraction of a favour in vouching for his authenticity. “It’s Dean,” he continued, eyes straying from your hands to settle onto your face.

“No,” you refused, and behind you, your fingers grabbed ahold of the salt. “Dean Winchester died—four months ago,” you explained in a low, but no less stern voice. “So I’m going to ask you again—who are you?”

His nostrils seemed to flare with dwindling patience, his eyes flickering off to the side. “Man, paranoia’s one son o’a bitch,” he scoffed under his breath before turning to face you again. “Listen, I know you’re not gonna believe me. And I also know that you’re about to baptise me with a shit ton o’ salt to barbecue the livin’ crap outta whatever demon you think’s got his hand stuck up my ass.” He began reaching into his shirt pocket. “Now, as much as I’d love to swallow a mouthful of killer blood pressu—” his words were cut short as you tossed a handful of salt in his direction, the mound not shying away from taking a bold dip in his mouth.

The assault dealt no physical damage to his body, but it did earn a passionate look of annoyance from Dean, whose jaw slowly circumducted as his tongue began shovelling the salty hell from his mouth. You scrutinised him for a few seconds longer, not so eager to let down your guard because of one passed test.

“You’re not a demon?” You asked more than stated.

His jaw fell limp at your question, a slow blink accentuating his displeasure. “Clearly not,” he said lowly, the words slurred by his unwillingness to taste the salt with proper pronunciation.

He leaned forward, hand reaching for the box of tissues sitting atop the beside table, and yanked a few free. He brought it up to his lips, where he spat furiously to cleanse his mouth. After a rough clearing of his throat, he bundled up the tissues, tossed it onto the table and glanced over at you once more. “Listen, I’ve already been through all the tests back at Bobby’s. I was goin’ to pull out the phone and get him on the line to clear me before you decided I needed some seasonin’,” he said flatly.

You watched him suspiciously, your brow quirking in disbelief. “Fine,” you said tensely, but offered nothing further.

Dean frowned lightly, his eyes doing a brief and clueless sweep of the room as though he expected you to offer more clarity. He settled his attention back onto you, his chin lifting slightly as he uttered a cautious, “okay.” He began reaching into his pocket once more, the movement deliberately slowed. “Just gonna reach for the phone, alright? So hands off the fuckin’ salt,” he said, eyes flickering between you and the container. “Please,” he added gruffly, and then his had retracted with the phone.

You prowled after his every move like a predator, but despite your weariness, you still lowered the salt an inch. You watched as he flicked open the phone, thumb gliding across the keypad as he pulled up Bobby’s number. Then, he lifted the phone to his ear, eyes trained on you with equal caution as he waited for the line to connect him to the opposite end.

You heard the static click, and a voice blared through shortly after—Bobby’s voice. The sound soothed your heart by a slither.

“Hey, Bobby,” Dean greeted, passing his tongue along his lower lip. “Listen, I, uh. . . I need ya to do that thing I told you I’d need—you know, vouchin’ for me and all.” On the other end of the line, Bobby uttered a few, incomprehensible words. “Yeah,” Dean laughed weakly. “Yeah. . . she threw me with the salt. Just like you said.” His eyes flickered to you with subtle amusement before Bobby said something else. Then, he was handing you the phone.

You narrowed your eyes in skepticism before your free hand reached for the phone, so careful not to graze his skin as you retrieved it from his fingers. Dean seemed to notice the rejection, and his mouth gaped slightly with the hurt it evoked. You pushed aside the image, but didn’t stray from his face as you brought the phone up to your ear.

“Hello?” You called into the line.

“Hey, kid, it’s me,” Bobby’s static voice answered. “Listen, I know you’re goin’ through one helluva mind-fuck right ‘bout now. . . but it’s ‘im, kid. It’s Dean.” He trailed into silence after those words, providing an interval he expected you’d fill with some sort of taken aback reaction. But all you could do was choke on your stunned silence, your heart beginning to ram at your chest harder than it’d ever managed before. “Kid? Y’still there?”

Dean’s eyes narrowed all-knowingly as he watched you in patient silence. His hand shifted from his lap an inch, like he yearned to reach out to you and offer some reassurance, but you both knew it’d do little to soothe you in this current predicament—the mental debate of whether or not the man you loved was really back.

Eventually, your body hosted a response, but it wasn’t one you’d preferred to have at this instant. A tear clotted along your one eye, bundling up until it was heavy enough to slip over the edge. Dean’s expression visibly softened, his jaw clenching with the knowledge that he couldn’t exactly pull you into a tight embrace—not just yet, anyway.

Your lips loosened, a rattled breath breaking through. “I saw his body, Bobby,” you pushed out in a quiver. Another tear lined the opposite cheek. “I watched you and Sam dig that fucking hole. . . and I watched you roll his lifeless, rotting corpse over the edge before cementing him under six fucking feet of dirt.”

The phone line hissed and crackled with the silent air on Bobby’s side. You almost thought he’d given up the ruse that you were so determined to believe you’d gotten caught up in, but then his voice blared through—the most tender and sympathetic you’ve ever heard it.

“I know you’re confused,” he began. “Hell, this shit had me believin’ that my family’s history of Alzheimer’s had finally kicked the bucket out from under me. But I did all the tests, and I interrogated him over and over again. I gave him hell, kid, but in the end, it’s really him. Y’know I wouldn’t have even thought ‘bout lettin’ him get close to ya if I weren’t certain o’ it. So if ya can’t trust ‘im just yet, then trust me. I give ya my word.”

Your fingers gripped the phone a little tighter, if only to still the trembling of your hand, and you gave a large sniff as you processed his words. Your eyes still bore into Dean, as though it would keep him pinned to the spot should he think about making a run for it.

You shifted the phone against your ear an inch, taking your lower lip into a tense bite before you spoke again. “Okay,” you breathed softly. “I trust you, Bobby.”

From Bobby’s end, shuffling noises chafed your ear like sand-paper. “Alright, kid, I’ll leave the two o’ ya to it. Good luck,” he said, and then the line terminated with a beep. The call’s ending tune reached Dean’s ear, where he shifted on the mattress almost anxiously while he waited for your decision.

“So, uh,” he began, his lips stuttering on the right words as his head buckled to face the hands he’d crossed in his lap. His palms rubbed tense lines—like the scheming motion of a fly—before he glanced back up at you. “We good?” He settled on. You saw the subtle desperation in the clench of his jaw. He craved the pardon only you could give him.

Slowly, you lowered the phone from your ear, flipping it closed as your chest rattled with another, shaky breath. Your eyes began to water once more, and this time, it didn’t hold back. In a second, you were hurling yourself across the mattress, arms flailing through the air to wrap around his neck with a desperation that could have body-slammed him to the floor.

“Woah,” he steadied in a laugh that sounded all too relieved.

Your chest crashed into Dean’s, and his hands were hasty to return your hug as he wrapped himself around your waist. There, he completed the embrace, pulling you against him so tightly that it started to pinch the meat of your skin through your shirt. But you didn’t care if his grip left behind a bruise—you’d consider it a physical reminder of just how real this all was.

You pressed your face into the crook of his neck, all the pent up emotions you’d come to harbour over these last few months finally liberated from your clutch. The tears began to roll without practiced regulation, and you found yourself yielding all control. Because being around Dean always had you feeling safe enough to do so, and your body had utilised its muscle-memory to re-establish that foundation. To rebuild the home that his death had wrecked.

“I thought I’d lost you forever,” you whispered against the stubbled skin of his neck, the sound heavy and cracked.

His palm stroked slow, comforting circles across your lower back, his own face buried against the slope of your shoulder. You felt his warm breath waft over your skin as he spoke. “Me too,” he pushed out tensely. Shakily. There were very few moments that you’d ever heard that tone on him. “I didn’t think I was ever comin’ back,” he admitted. “Didn’t think I’d ever see you, or Sammy—hell, even Bobby, again. But I’m not complainin’,” he added hastily. “Shit, I’ll never complain ‘bout anythin’ e’er again. I got everythin’ I need right here.”

He shifted against you, torso pulling back as though he couldn’t wait a second longer to peer into your eyes. You leaned yourself back in rhythm, your cheeks blown red with your overwhelmed state and your eyes still glistening with fresh tears. You kept your hands looped around his neck, fingers still clutching his phone, and your heart was seized by a new fist of pain as you saw Dean’s bloodshot eyes pave way for his own, sparse—but undeniably real—tears.

His hands settled at your hips, fingers subconsciously squeezing at the meat as he did a mental walkthrough of his own emotions. “I missed you so goddamn much,” he whispered, his lower lip trembling now. “God, all I could think ‘bout down there, every second of every miserable day, was you—how much I needed you. How much I missed you.” His chest jolted with a forced, but much needed exhale to steady his next words. “And how much I love you.”

You choked on your breath at that final confession, words that—up until now—had never directly admitted. You couldn’t help but huff a slight breath of disbelief, a weak grin beaming through as your eyes softened with a warmth that made you feel whole again. Dean, himself, looked slightly stunned at his declaration, his eyes widening mildly as he drank in your reaction. But as you gazed at him, there was no undertone of regret or shame mingling with his features. There was only what looked like relief, if the slight quirking of his lips and the soft sigh that followed after was any indication.

Maybe, it was relief attributed to the fact that he’d finally started to unpack—and put words to—some of his more complex emotions. It made you feel so much closer to him.

Without sparing it another thought, you blurted your own reciprocation. “I love you too, Dean.”

He smiled tenderly at that, and neither one of you moved as you shared an intense stare that circulated all sorts of emotion—love, adoration, and desire. Then, as though some unspoken agreement had been exchanged, you dove down to meet his lips in a fierce kiss, the phone you’d been clutching dropping to some surface beyond your current care.

Dean’s hands trailed up the expanse of your back as he returned your kiss hungrily, his lips feuding with yours for an advantage of the play. He wasted no time sliding his hands beneath the hem of your shirt, his warm palms massaging a determined, upward trajectory until he gained enough leverage to tug it over your head.

The kiss broke off momentarily as your arms flew up in an eager gesture to shed your layers, your chest heaving with the exertion. He managed to successfully tug the shirt over your head, the neckline the last to go and leaving behind an impression as it briefly snagged onto your hair. When he gave it one last freeing tug, your hair tie came loose amidst the commotion, your hair cascading across your bare torso in fresh, yet slightly damp strands.

Dean came forward to press two distinct kisses against your lips—hasty, but a bold statement in itself—before he leaned back to roll his shoulders and discard his own clothing. Your hands flew to his chest in aid, fingers sliding beneath the isles of his unbuttoned shirt to push it over the slopes of his shoulders. His hands twisted behind himself to pluck each sleeve from his arms with practiced speed, discarding it some place behind him before he was tugging his snugly-fitting tee over his head.

Instantly, your attention lowered down his toned torso, the glorified sight of him causing your core to pulse with desire. You didn’t get to exploit his image for long before he hogged your view with another, fierce tumble of the lips, his hands grabbing at your waist like he’d needed to remember what you felt like. Your tongues found one another with an ease that felt like its fates were tied, swirling about in a seductive dance to the death. Your hands settled at his neck, gently rubbing and kneading the skin as you allowed yourself to melt into his devouring.

When your palms wandered further down the contoured muscle of his broad shoulders, you felt the skin of his left bicep raise in a questionable pattern. The contact over that area made Dean wince into your mouth, and then he withdrew from the kiss with a feral pant, eyes shifting from an insatiable hunger to a more vulnerable uncertainty. It was enough of a reaction to tear your gaze away from him and steal a glance at the mood-killing discovery. But you almost wished you hadn’t stumbled upon it because the sight of a raised, red handprint seared into the flesh of his forearm made your eyes widen in horror.

“Dean—” you breathed, overcome with the instinctive need to trace your hand over the anomaly, but his shoulder withdrew from your curious touch, which called your attention back to him. “What happened?” You asked softly.

He shook his head lightly, taking a moment to acknowledge the marking with a newfound solemness. His chin dipped down for a second, a broken, incomplete noise dangling from his lips. You knew then, that whatever grim reminder had been imbued into this branding was something too fresh to confront at this time, so you made the silent decision not to probe him about it any further.

You moved to cradle his face, tilting it up to you. His expression looked defeated, his eyes sagging with a heavy fatigue. You didn’t doubt that hell had had its tolls—if anything, you were surprised that he’d come out of it in one piece. Physically, at least. Whatever mental deconstruction he’d undergone during his time there was knowledge beyond your grasp, and a conversation for another time. Hell had already taken enough from the both of you; you wouldn’t let it have this moment, too.

“If you want to stop, just say the word,” you told him gently, offering a hearty smile. “We can just lay here and cud—“

“No,” he answered, the hands at your waist tightening with new resolve. “We’re gonna cuddle, alright, but after we’ve had our overdue fun,” he said, a newfound smirk creeping through his evident exhaustion. “I’ve waited too damn long for this day—hell if I pass it up in a blink.”

You loved it when he took charge this way. Your teeth peered through your lips in an exhilarated grin, and then, you let out a yelp of excitement as he pushed you back onto the mattress, his frame following closely in a controlled hover as he positioned himself on top of you. His lips came crashing down onto yours, the heated dynamic between the two of you returning full-forced, as though it’d never been interrupted in the first place.

Your hands wandered messy lines up and down his neck, occasionally dipping down to glide over the curve of his pecks. The heat in your core began to build with every second you spent tumbled within the skilled warmth of his lips, his hands adding fuel to the fire with the way they staggered along your exposed torso to grace any and every inch of your skin.

He pulled away to drag his moist lower lip up your cheek, pressing a kiss to your temple before he whispered into your ear. “I need to feel you. I need to have all o’ you,” he breathed, and then he pulled away as quickly as he’d arrived, leaning back onto his knees as his fingers found firm grip at your shorts.

He tugged the material down mercilessly, pulling your underwear along with it, and you lifted your legs with a giddy laugh to allow him all the access he needed to yank it free. He tossed it to the other end of the room, his hands flying to undo his belt and jeans while his fixated you with focused eyes—like he was silently entertaining all the things he’d like to do to you.

He shed his boots at the foot of the bed to terminate his undressing, and your eyes immediately lowered to the bowing length of his manhood. It felt cheap—ogling him this way, but something about the sight felt so validating that you couldn’t help but stare. Maybe it was knowing that the mere sight of you was enough to spur him on in this manner, and god, you needed him just as much as he evidently needed you.

Your core throbbed more impatiently now, your built-up arousal taking the first of its leave through the slit of your folds. You were tempted to call out to him, to utter the first, desperate words of beckoning, but Dean seemed to clock your needs almost instantly. He leaned back down to you with a charming smirk, one hand propping himself up at the side of your waist while his other took ahold of his manhood.

“Ready, sunshine?” He murmured—low and rough and slightly dazed with his own suffocating arousal.

Your core seemed to answer before you did, the area beaming hot at the mere sound of his voice. You pushed out a needy hum, and Dean wasted no time in sliding his tip between your folds. He breached through your slicked entrance with ease, his head tilting back an inch and his eyes fluttering closed as he pushed out a gruff moan. He sank himself further into you, his length conforming to your walls in perfect unity. Instinctively, your legs propped to give him better access, and the action drew him in even further.

“Fuck,” he murmured lowly, his head then tilting forward as he gathered himself and fully leaned himself down to you. He placed a kiss onto your lips for good measure, both arms scooping beneath yours in a sure grip. His fists balled at either side of your head, and you wrapped your own arms around his neck.

“I need you, Dean,” you cooed into his ear, and he left slip a breathy sound of acknowledgment before he drilled the first thrust into you.

You both harmonised with noises of pleasure, your nails digging into the nape of his neck as his hips began swaying at a faster pace. He leaned his forehead down against yours, lips parted as he fought to steady the feral breaths of pleasure heaving his chest.

Your eyes stuttered closed as his thrusts deepened and deepened, curving against your walls and gliding to meet your sweet spot at just the right angle. Your head burrowed back into your pillow, your lips gaping with a loud moan. It made Dean lower himself onto your lips, taking them between his in a soft, chiding nibble. You breathed into him erratically, releasing noises that gradually became more and more slurred until you became a hot, panting mess.

His own control seemed to slip from his grasp as he began to grunt and whimper against your cheek, his head eventually falling past yours to graze your ear with just the right verbal performance to add to the contractions of that growing ache within.

His thrusts became firmer—but not brutal. They were passionate and needy all at once, but still laced with a sort of caution that only deep admiration could warrant. He gave a few more firm thirsts, both of you heaving against one another with the approach of your climax. Then, with a final jerk of his hips, the knot that had tethered you to one another came undone in a cascading warmth.

You felt it seep from your entrance, and for a second, Dean didn’t stir from atop you. He remained hovered over you, the point of his nose brushing your cheek methodically as he attempted to replenish his lungs and recover from his own bliss.

“Jesus,” he remarked, an impressed chuckle tickling your ear. “All this time apart, and still it doesn’t feel like I ever slipped your spell.”

You released your own breathless chuckle. “I’m usually opposed to captivity of any sort, but in this case, thank god for that.”

Finally, Dean withdrew from inside of you, collapsing to side of the mattress nearest to the door—his space. Rightfully occupied at last. He reached over to pluck some tissues from the nightstand before turning back to you, fumbling the tissue between his fingers before he began dabbing at the moisture along your forehead.

He gazed at you through loving eyes, so soft and vast that it made your heart throb—like you were falling in love all over again. Dean seemed to notice the lovesick look on your face because he smiled with an expression to match. He leaned down to press a kiss to your lips, and you puckered your own to receive it eagerly. And then he shifted momentarily to clean you down below.

When he came back up to you, he flicked the used tissues off to the side, and then instantly, you were pulled against his chest in a tight embrace. The skin-on-skin contact soothed you, your body relaxing almost instantly within his firm hold—a type of pressure therapy that only worked because it was him. It felt so safe and natural, so you melted further into him, and the hand he’d cupped around the back of your hair began to massage a soothing pattern into your scalp.

Everything about this moment was enough to lull you into a much needed state of relaxation, your body finally unwinding after months of being held together at the threads. Your eyes drifted close, your breathing deepening with the newfound peace.

“You know,” Dean said suddenly, beckoning to your senses. Your eyes remained closed, but you hummed softly to acknowledge him. “Down there, time works differently.” That piqued your interest enough to part you eyes in narrow slits. “You said I’ve been gone for four months? Well, for me, it’s been forty years.”

Your eyes widened fully now, your lips split with some bewildered gasp. “Dean,” you sympathised softly, hand moving from its place at his chest to stroke along his cheek. “I’m so sorry—that sounds awful.”

He shifted to place a kiss on the first part of your palm he could reach. “It ain’t your fault,” he assured you thinly, his eyes bowing under his own exhaustion—as if the mere recollection drained him. “If anythin’, you got me through it. I don’t have to tell you just how shitty things are down in Satan’s basement,” he laughed, but you knew there was no real humour behind it, only pain. “But you. . . just thinkin’ o’ you. . . rememberin’ what I’ve gotta fight for, it kept me sane. Strong.”

You smiled weakly, his words evoking a mixture of warmth and guilt all at once. You appreciated that you’d been able offer him some sort of comfort in your mere memory, but at the same time, you wished he hadn’t needed it to begin with.

Hell was no place for a good man like him.

“Well, you’re back now,” you offered softly, your hands shifting to wrap around his torso in a hug. His own arms wrapped around your upper back, pulling you so tightly against him that you thought your beings might finally form a physical union to mirror the spiritual tying of your souls.

“And I’m here to stay,” he finished in a faint murmur, the words—the promise—hot against the crown of your head.

Those words lingered in your mind as you eventually drifted into a sleep, the steady sound of his breathing the last thing you needed to loosen your grip on reality. Darkness came to claim you, and this time, you welcomed it eagerly.

When you roused into the waking world, your room was fully lit with the tell of noon. The finding was indication enough that you’d stolen the sleep of a lifetime, and there was no lingering heaviness perched on your lids this time around. It filled you with a sense of satisfaction, and you blinked a few times to ground your bleary senses.

When you stirred against the sheets, you heaved a deep breath, your lungs expanding around a newfound sense of inner peace. Instinctively, your arm reached across the mattress to claim the touch of man you loved, but where you expected to feel the warmth of his skin, you felt nothing but the cool, empty space of the comforters.

With a jolt, you sat yourself up, head swivelling about the room with a sense of panic. Dean was nowhere to be found. Your mind instantly began reeling with endless possibilities, your breathing elevating with a growing sense of panic—had you imagined it all? Had he ever been here to begin with? Had you finally snapped and gone insane?

But when you took a moment to lower your head and drink in your frame, you found yourself to be as bare as when you’d fallen asleep. You shifted to the edge of the mattress, feeling some slither of relief that your clothes were where you’d left them—discarded about the room in ruthless bundles. And then, out of instinct, your eyes wandered over to your desk chair, where you expected to greet the leather jacket that had become a pivotal part of your morning routine.

Only, your heart lurched when the chair glared back at you with a bare rim—the jacket nowhere in sight.

Beyond the walls, mingled laughter brightened the atmosphere. The sound made you slip from the mattress almost instantly, where you darted about the room to gather your scattered pyjamas in a hurry before slipping it over your frame. You dashed toward the bedroom door, twisting the handle with anticipation before you practically hurled yourself into the hallway.

When you entered into the open-plan living room, you found that Dean and Sam were weaving rather chaotic ant trails around the kitchen’s floor, each brother tending to steaming dishes that you were too far away to appreciate in detail. But you weren’t paying much attention to it, anyway. You were far too focused on watching Dean, as though you’d had to solidify the mental image of his presence—to believe that he was really here, and here to stay. And the best part of it all is that he was wearing the leather jacket you’d thought would never come to crown another set of shoulders again. It was the last image you needed to place the final puzzle piece in your heart—no, you felt truly fulfilled.

Some part of you had thought—just for a second—that your reunion had been a figment of your imagination. But now, you could breathe a little easier knowing that Dean had truly returned, rooted in flesh as he drifted about the kitchen with an extra skip in his step.

Just then, he spun on his heels to nick something off the counter, his head lifting in your direction as he finally noticed your loitering figure. “Second g’mornin’ to you, sunshine,” he called to you, birthing a cheeky smirk. He flashed a quick glance at Sam before turning back to you. “In case you were wonderin’, Sammy here’s all caught up,” he said. “So let’s skip the big, mushy family reunion and get movin’ on those damn tacos. I’m starvin’”.

“Tacos?” You echoed with a light laugh.

Sam appeared at his big brother’s side, beaming so brightly, it was almost blinding. “We’re having tacos for lunch. Everything’s basically finished,” he piped in, casting a pleading glance in your direction. “Would you mind helping me plate it?”

Your heart settled as you drank the both of them in. This was the life you’d come to miss so dearly, and you couldn’t help but smile appreciatively. You jerked your chin in Dean’s direction. “Why don’t you make him do it?” You teased, padding your way over to the kitchen island.

“Call it a family discount,” Dean chuckled smugly, rounding the counter to draw up at your side. “Or, y’know, the breakin’ free from hell card.”

You shook your head lightly, narrowing your eyes at him. “Isn’t it a little too soon?” You scoffed.

“You let me worry ‘bout my own shit,” he replied, gracing you with a charming wink.

You didn’t offer anything further as you turned your attention down to the prepped toppings spread out across the counter—mince, lettuce, guacamole, chilli sauce, salsa, cheese and the taco shells themselves. You reached for the empty plates and began topping each one with the hollow taco shells, moving to fill the first one with the toppings.

Dean snuck up behind you, his hands finding grip at your waist while his chin came to rest atop your shoulder. His lips grazed your ear. “Thank you for lookin’ after my jacket,” he murmured. “I didn’t think I’d be seein’ this old thing again.”

You smile at his words, hands shifting to stuff the taco with the next pick of toppings. “My reason for keeping it was more selfish than that,” you admitted. “I just couldn’t bear to move it. It would’ve felt too final.”

He hummed a noise of understanding, a soft kiss gracing the side of your neck. “The only thing that’s final is that I’m back,” he said. “You don’t gotta worry ‘bout that anymore, alright?”

“I know,” you murmured, and Dean squeezed you in a light hug, but continued to keep you tucked within his hold as you finished stuffing the taco. You lifted it over your shoulder, carefully guiding it toward his lips.

He released an approving noise before leaning forward to accept your offering in a gluttonous chomp, his lips practically smothering your fingers as though it were deemed part of the meal. You giggled at the feeling, taco fragments scattering across your shoulder as he chewed the food intently.

“How does it taste?” You asked him, turning your head to get a better view of his expression.

His eyes did a roll of appreciation, his cheeks swelled with the large bite. He hummed a string of approval, coupled with a content, repeating nod. Once he gave a hearty swallow, he cleared his throat in satisfaction.

“Tastes like sunshine.”

──────────────────────

a/n ─ can you tell i had the time of my life writing this?? can you tell?? anon i love your mind so so much please never stop your special creativity. i will be tending to my other requests soon, and i encourage you all to keep on sending them through. i appreciate you ALL and your lovely ideas, as well as the support and trust you have in me to flesh out your fantasies 🫶 now, it’s literally almost 4 am as i publish this so nighty night beautiful people!

thank you for reading! all likes, comments & reblogs are deeply appreciated

tags ─ @gibson-g1rl @fallbhind @bohemianblasphemy @figthoughts @deansbbyx @angelicjackles @titsout4jackles @starzify @ultravi0lence14 @floralscented

want to be apart of the taglist for any future jensen ackles works?

other works ─ supernatural masterlist

© bluemerakis ─ do not plagiarise or steal any of my works.

[stupidphototricks]

Rincewind just might be the character of all time. (Part 1, probably)

“You’re all missin’ the point. He survives. You keep on tellin’ me he’s had all these adventures and he’s still alive.” “What do you mean? He’s got scars all over him!” “My point exactly, Dean. Most of ’em on his back, too. He leaves trouble behind. Someone Up There smiles on him.” Rincewind winced. He had always been aware that Someone Up There was doing something on him. He’d never considered it was smiling. -- Terry Pratchett, Interesting Times

Rincewind shook his head. “It’s no good,” he said. “I hate it when people are nice to me. It means something bad is going to happen. Do you mind shouting?” Ridcully had had enough. “Get out of that bed you horrible little man and follow me this minute or it will go very hard for you!” “Ah, that’s better. I feel right at home now. Now we’re cooking with charcoal,” said Rincewind, glumly. -- Terry Pratchett, Interesting Times

Adventure! People talked about the idea as if it was something worthwhile, rather than a mess of bad food, no sleep, and strange people inexplicably trying to stick pointed objects in bits of you. -- Terry Pratchett, Interesting Times

He was no good at anything else. Wizardry was the only refuge. Well, actually he was no good at wizardry either, but at least he was definitively no good at it. He’d always felt he had a right to exist as a wizard in the same way that you couldn’t do proper maths without the number 0, which wasn’t a number at all but, if it went away, would leave a lot of larger numbers looking bloody stupid. -- Terry Pratchett, Interesting Times

And he probably had saved the world a few times, but it had generally happened accidentally, while he was trying to do something else. So you almost certainly didn’t actually get any karmic points for that. It probably only counted if you started out by thinking in a loud way “By criminy, it’s jolly well time to save the world, and no two ways about it!” instead of “Oh, shit, this time I’m really going to die.” -- Terry Pratchett, Interesting Times

“Say something in wizard language!” “Er. Stercus, stercus, stercus, moriturus sum,” said Rincewind, his eye on the knife. “‘O excrement, I am about to die?’” -- Terry Pratchett, Interesting Times

“I saw him, I tell you! A legion of soldiers collapsed with the wind of his passage!” The wind of his passage was beginning to worry Rincewind as well. It always tended to when he was frightened. -- Terry Pratchett, Interesting Times

“That is correct,” said Two Fire Herb. “We will overcome because history is on our side.” “We will overcome because the Great Wizard is on our side,” said Butterfly sharply. “I’ll tell you this!” shouted Rincewind. “I’d rather trust me than history! Oh, shit, did I just say that?” -- Terry Pratchett, Interesting Times

[robjn93]

˗ˏˋ stephanie brown accessible entry point

this is a list of comics to understand the basics of her character! ive seen a lot of people who didnt know where to start to read so ive compiled this list to make it as easy as possible for new readers to get into stephanie brown

who is stephanie brown?

daughter of the criminal and abusive father cluemaster (arthur brown), she became the spoiler to ‘spoil’ her father’s robbery and overall to protect herself and her mother from him. eventually she digs the vigilante life. she becomes robin briefly and is currently one of the batgirls!

as SPOILER:

⟢ secret origins: 80-page giant

this comic /technically/ is set in the future and is steph ‘telling the story of her childhood’ but honestly i find it pretty suitable even with no context and a must read in my eyes to understand her motives and character

⟢ detective comics 647 - 649

her first appearance… with the iconic brick in the face 😭 this comic is not set in a precise timeline, just post-robin 1991 and pre-knightfall so you can read it with no context as well!

⟢ showcase ‘95 #5 (second story)

PLEASE READ THIS i never see it in reading lists and its sooo important to me. it shows steph’s strained relationship with her mother when her dad is not in the picture and briefly some of her school life!

i’d say read robin (1993) afterwards because it consistently features steph, as much as it is ‘tim’s solo run’, but here THE most important stories (they were very hard to pick)

⟢ robin (1993) #3 - 5

her first appearance in the monthly! and lordd the timsteph here makes me sick. tim being saved by steph 🫶 also more on her and her mom as crystal is starting recovery from drug addiction

⟢ robin (1993) issue 15 - 16

not gonna lie, a huge part of me wants me to suggest it because you get to see arthur get his ass kicked by steph (sweet revenge) but theres also steph being saved by tim for a change and more on steph’s relationship with her dad

⟢ robin (1993) #35

this story for me conveys properly the impact that steph’s upbringing had on her sense of justice and morality being fundamentally different from batman and robin’s, something tim and bruce just can’t understand

⟢ robin (1993) #40 - 41

warning / implied SA (ariana ☹️) the story is a two-parter, steph’s side in issue 40 uses diary entries to explain how she feels about the whole vigilante ordeal. issue 41 is more timsteph oriented but it shows tim finally acknowledging his feelings for steph

⟢ huntress/spoiler: blunt trauma

this story happens during cataclysm but its not necessary to read the whole thing + dean’s first appearance 😒 he is the scumbag bastard ‘father of steph’s child’ + helena and steph linkup!!

⟢ robin (1993) #54 and 56-57

BAD CASE OF THE STEPHS MENTIONED + steph and crystal bonding and tim and steph getting together!!! + robin 57 as guilty pleasure :3 their first official date

⟢ robin (1993) #58-65

warning: dixon tackling teen pregnancy. we all know how that goes. remember dean? well steph got pregnant! and that guy bailed on her. dean when i get you. this arc breaks me everytime, steph you deserve the world ☹️

⟢ lewis era robin (1993) aka robin #100 - 120 HEAVY ON ROBIN 111

warning for SA / glimpses on steph’s childhood + dealing with the fact that her father is dead etc etc that will just make you think we should all just kill ourselves yk!!!!

as ROBIN:

⟢ robin (1993) #126 - 128

warning: debatable writing. robin steph! but take everything with like 5 pinches of different salts 😭 its bad y’all but it is essential. dan didio when i get your ass. dan didio when i get youuu

⟢ steph is dead! arc aka batman 634, detective comics 800 and 809, batgirl 62

i fucking hate war games so im not putting y'all through that. here instead: tim being so overcome by grief he can barely react to steph's passing, bruce remembering steph and cass hallucinating her as she is about to die

after that please just imagine that steph came back cause about every issue after her death was the worst ooc writing ever so, again, not putting you guys through that (its tough for stephanie brown fans)

as BATGIRL:

⟢ batgirl (2009)

i wanna say im conflicted about its writing but its about the best thing steph had post-revival. they constantly insult her spoiler legacy so not a fan of that!! but it is essential and i mostly like the rest so whatever :3 steph’s uni arc!

after that honestly nothing happened for her character, so heres on hoping she gets more stuff

[angelsdean]

thinking about young dean who dreamed of being a rock star. dean who wanted to go to college and have friends and stay in one place long enough to plant roots. dean who thrived at sonny's, who won the state wrestling championship. dean who when he was 12 wanted to play on the baseball team and then pretended not to care when john moved them around too much for him to be part of any teams. dean who loved being a P.A. because he liked to be part of a team. dean who wanted a normal job and a normal life. dean who got his GED quietly, secretly, despite not needing it for the life he led, but he wanted it. perhaps because he was still dreaming of an after. because john always said there would be an after. "after we kill this thing...after we avenge mary..." because despite all john's faults and failure, he was still, paradoxically, a dreamer. he was still mary's suburban dream. he still believed, despite everything, that the past 22 yrs could be overcome by simply killing the demon. that at the end of it, they'd go back to being a normal family. sam would go to college. dean would have a home. and i imagine him telling his kids this, that it all ends when they kill the thing that killed mary. that's the finish line. in lebanon, john is shocked to find that was not the finish line. shocked that there was no return to the Normal, no white picket fences. he doesn't understand that they were all irrevocably changed the night mary died and john chose to seek revenge. but anyway, i think of young dean, holding onto that belief, for a time, that there could be a life after hunting. so he gets his GED, just in case. because he's still dreaming, despite, despite. and i think of dean who outwardly scoffed at apple pie this and that, and whose favorite food is pie. dean who seeks home cooked meals and comforts. dean who wishes for food he doesn't have to buy at a mini mart. dean who nests when he finally has a static place to call home. dean who decorates his room with pride, who grins giddy at the thought of a mattress that remembers him. not an anonymous motel bed, but one that is his own, that will mold to the shape of him. dean who michael drowns in "contentment" and his contentment is simply...not hunting. his contentment is being the safe place to land for his family and having a normal job and serving others. his contentment is waiting for his family to come home and offering them a drink and some food. he doesn't want for much, but he wants his family to be safe and cared for. dean who pretends to be a horrible cook to comfort his mom, the actual horrible cook. dean who bakes his kid a lopsided cake (his first time baking!) out of love. dean who sees a married couple dancing together in their living room and thinks "i always thought i could do that (have that)." dean who earlier in that same episode takes pointers from garth on how to "dance", following along until he can do it himself and then dancing with LAMP. dean who, even after losing everything, after losing his best friend and his HEART, still tries, even if he is perhaps going through the motions, still tries to live some kind of normal, who picks up a job application, who still dreams of doing something other than hunting. because hunting was never the dream. because inside of him is still a little kid who wanted to be rockstar, or a mechanic, who wanted more, and thought maybe he could actually have it.

[jessjad]

Rightfully deceived

Chapter 8

Summary: When a marriage promise forces Y/N to step up for her younger sister, she gets something she always wanted. But when the truth comes out, her new husband Dean is not so happy about the mix-up. Will she loose it all? Or will she be surprised in the end?

Pairing: AU!Dean Winchester x Reader

Word Count: 5669 (again, I'm sorry! 🫣)

Warnings: everything a finale might entail.

A/N: It's done! This beast of an ending is finished! I hope you all will like it the way I do! 😃 All mistakes are mine! Enjoy!

Series Masterlist My Masterlist

The whole day went well. In fact, the whole of last week had gone pretty well. Dean hadn't known exactly what would happen if Y/N's family came to visit. Her father wasn't much different than before the wedding. But Helena...

He didn't know how he imagined they would meet, but he definitely didn't expect her to immediately seek his company. At first Dean had been unsure how to act. But then he fell back into old behavior patterns quite easily. And the more time he spent with the younger of the two sisters, the more it felt like back then. It took him back to the time when he had courted her.

But this time Helena seemed to be more open towards him, as if she was now more able to get involved with him and that did something to him. There were these moments over and over again, the smallest moments. They came soft and quietly, like a gentle touch, and whispered to him that it could always be like this. Then every time he looked over at Helena as she laughed and looked for him, he remembered what he had originally wanted. She had been the woman he had wanted to marry from the start. And the way it was right now, it could be like this forever.

Even though November was slowly coming to an end and it was noticeably cold, today the sun shone down from a bright blue sky and lit the way for them during their little ride. By now they were on the way back and Dean was telling a story from his childhood. The blonde woman at his side seemed to be listening attentively, eventhough she barely participated in the conversation.

And so a few minutes later he came to the end of his story and they rode on in silence. Even now she still didn't say much about herself. That made Dean a little suspicious, but he already knew that from her.

After they rode over the last hill, his castle came into view again and suddenly his heart felt a little heavy. Y/N’s face appeared in his mind’s eye and he frowned. How different sisters could be. His wife had told him a lot about herself. From the beginning he felt like she shared almost everything with him and secretly he had liked it. And once he had let her in, once he had overcome his anger after she fell sick, he started to like her.

The days they spent together were light and happy. They shared stories and made small memories. Her experience as a leader of the house was surprisingly giving him a big support. After her mother had sadly died, she had to step up and Dean realized at one point that they had a lot in common.

And they started to share the nights together. After they had sex the second time in the morning he got reminded on what he had liked about her the first night. Her scent was still so intoxicating. He had ordered her soap so that she would not run out of it for a while. Her body soft and warm and she still fitted right into his arms, over time he couldn't get enough of her. How confusing this all was. In his mind he had a clear vision, but his heart seemed to want something else.

When they arrived back in front of the castle, Helena's father was already coming towards them. Dean got off his horse, handed it over to Benny, who was already waiting, and then helped Helena dismount. They smiled at each other briefly before the young woman turned to her father.

"Pack your things, daughter. We will leave first thing in the morning."

"Really?" she asked, sounding a bit surprised.

Her father just nodded. Huh. The disappointment at this news didn't spread through Dean as much as he thought it would. Of course he thought it was a shame that she was leaving again, but somehow he had internally expected a stronger reaction on his part.

The second person who came out of the castle towards them was Ellen. With a quick step she stopped in front of Dean and told him what had happened just an hour before and that Y/N had almost been seriously injured. This news, on the other hand, triggered a lot of things in him. Ellen immediately showed him the place where the large stone figure was still lying on the ground. With a searching look, Dean looked up and immediately recognized the spot where the figure had been placed. Weird. Normally the anchor wouldn't just break like that. It was solid craftsmanship.

"Nothing happened to her, luckily." Ellen Dean answered a question he was about to ask. "But she's upstairs now. That... shook her up quite a bit."

Dean could well imagine that. Still, an inner feeling urged him to check on his wife and make sure she was okay. With a curt nod, he turned around and made his way into the inside of the castle when his eyes fell on Helena again, who smiled at him. This caused his steps to slow slightly for a moment before he hurried again.

Mixed feelings accompanied him up the stairs. Dean hadn't expected that seeing Helena again would upset him so much. It was as if he had been reminded of the shame of the false wedding and the woman he actually wanted. A woman who also seemed to be looking for his company. He ignored the small doubt that arose in his mind as to why she hadn't come to the wedding herself.

When he reached the bedroom door, he took a quick breath before opening the door and stepping inside. But as soon as he closed it behind him again, Y/N suddenly ended up in his arms. The slight impact meant that he had to briefly correct his stance. His arms automatically closed around Y/N and the calm that suddenly spread through him grounded him. But he only allowed this feeling for a moment.

He slowly peeled her out of his embrace and put a few steps distance between the two of them. He leaned down a little to look her in the eyes and examined her for a moment.

"Are you okay?" he asked and Y/N nodded her head.

Relief flooded through Dean and he closed his eyes briefly. But then he let go of Y/N and put more steps between the two of them as he ran his hand over his mouth in thought. Y/N was now his wife. The one he didn't actually want and yet she brought out more emotions in him than he would have liked.

"I think that was planned. I mean... something like that doesn't just fall off the wall, does it?" Y/N continued, bringing Dean's attention back to her.

"No, not really. At least it shouldn't." he replied.

"I think that...someone is still targeting me."

"Y/N..."

"Please Dean, just think about it. This... this can't be a coincidence!"

He was about to contradict her, but this time he couldn't. This action seemed strange even to him. But he still couldn't imagine who it could really be and why. So he just said nothing. He couldn't have guessed that he was only fueling Y/N's insecurity.

"Don't you think so?" So Y/N asked again.

"I... I'm not sure." was all he could say.

But he didn't need to say more, because Y/N could already feel the distance that was now spreading between them again. The brief moment in which she had finally felt close to him again, in which he might have believed her without a doubt, was gone and that scared her.

"Why are we drifting apart again, Dean?" So she asked with her heart pounding and received a surprised look from her husband. "What happened to us in the last week?"

Now Dean turned away from her. "It's not that easy, Y/N." and it wasn't.

But another thing became clear to him. He needed to sort out his feelings and he couldn't do that here. Not if he continued to share a room with Y/N. So he grabbed some clothes and his soap. Y/N raised her eyebrows in surprise.

"What...what are you doing?" she asked.

"I'm going to sleep in a different room tonight. Just for... tonight." Dean then told her.

"What?" Y/N was now starting to panic a little.

"I... need time to think. This is all... kind of confusing."

"You mean your feelings for Helena." she threw back at him and he heard her hurt.

"That too, yes," he admitted. "Look, I'm just trying to be honest here."

"But Dean... we're married now. Shouldn't we... talk about it?"

He couldn't leave her alone now. Again. Not after what had happened today. Shouldn't he be over Helena by now? Otherwise he wouldn't have finally gotten involved with Y/N. Or would he?

"I just need the distance now. Besides, Helena and your father are going home tomorrow morning. So..."

With this news, his behavior made sense, of course. But it still hurt Y/N again.

"Oh, I see. Because you can't bear the thought of her leaving... and then you'll be here alone with me again."

The words had a sharp undertone, but Dean immediately heard between the lines what she meant. "I didn't say that. Y/N..."

"I'm really sorry that it's such a pain to be married to me." she whispered now, tears beginning to gather in her eyes.

"No, it's not like that. But..." he broke off his sentence. He didn't want to see her so hurt, but he also knew that his words wouldn't make it any better.

"But what?" Y/N asked anyway.

"I... I always just wanted to marry Helena. Not you." he still said it now.

And the same old story again. She was the woman nobody wanted. Everyone always just wants Helena. And even though she was the big sister and had to take care of her, she had had enough now. Too much was too much.

"But she never wanted to marry you!" she angrily shouted at him. "The whole time you were courting her, she only put up with it because our father wanted it that way!"

"What?" Dean frowned and looked questioningly at Y/N.

"She never loved you. She didn't even like you. And on the night of the wedding, she ran off with the man she had really loved for years to get married to him instead of you."

"Wait a minute..." so that was the reason why Y/N stepped in for Helena? No, that couldn't be.

"His name is Peter and he worked for my father. She fell for him immediately. And when our father forced the wedding on her, she came to me and begged me to help her. That's why I stepped in for her and married you."

Telling him the whole truth was, surprisingly, a very liberating feeling. It was finally out. Finally he knew the real reason for all this. But she also knew that it would feel different for Dean to know that now.

"That... that can't be." he said to himself, although it sounded pretty logical all in all.

"She never wanted you, Dean." now Y/N's anger had faded and she felt slightly exhausted from the whole day. But she still wasn't quite done. "But... I do."

"That... I..." But Dean didn't seem to have heard her, as lost in thought as he seemed. "I can't do this right now. We... we'll see each other tomorrow."

And with these last words he turned to the door and opened it. He had just stepped into the hallway when Y/N gathered all her courage.

"I love you, Dean!" she called after him, but the door had already slammed shut again, leaving her alone in the room.

"Why can't you see that?"

The next morning, Dean said goodbye to Helena and her father. Sam and Benny stood by his side and all three watched as the carriage slowly drove away. A strange feeling had settled in Dean's stomach. He had been thinking about what Y/N had told him all night and yet he still couldn't quite believe it.

Could he really have been so wrong about Helena? All the conversations they had had, all the time they had spent together, was it really all just a lie? And yet... even if he didn't normally put much faith in his intuition, it told him that this could all be possible.

After he had enough time last night to think about everything, he remembered that he knew this Peter. He had seen him several times when he was visiting them and he had not missed the look he had given Helena. But he didn't get a chance to think about it any further, because suddenly Sam's hand landed on his shoulder.

"So, where is Y/N?" his brother asked. "Didn't she want to say goodby to her family?"

"I don't know." Dean answered. "I haven't seen her this morning."

Sam and Benny exchanged a meaningful look, but Dean didn't notice. He was still too lost in thought.

"Okay." Sam said and turned his brother around who looked at him questioningly now. "I think we need to talk."

Y/N heard the carriage drive away, but didn't want to get up. She had barely slept all night and didn't want to say goodbye to her father and sister. And from the looks of things, they didn't mind either.

After a few more quiet moments, she finally stood up. She put on her dress and made her hair, but she again felt sick to her stomache. Something that has occurred every morning all week. She thought that once her family was gone, she would feel better. But after what happened with Dean, the feeling would probably last a little longer.

Even if she didn't want to, she had to show her face at some point. So she went out into the hallway and immediately ran into Millie, who was about to knock on her door. Her friend was slightly startled, but then seemed relieved when she saw that Y/N was okay.

"They're gone." Millie said.

"I know." Y/N answered.

An understanding silence spread between the two women, because they didn't need to say anything more.

"How about breakfast? You didn't eat anything last night, Y/N."

"I know, but I just can't eat anything at the moment."

"Are you still feeling sick? It's been like this for almost a week now." Millie asked worried.

"Yes, but it's probably just an upset stomach because of the whole situation here. It will definitely pass." she tried to calm her friend down and it seemed to work.

"Okay, but let me get you at least a cup of tea, okay?"

"Yes, please." Y/N smiled. "Go ahead. I'll be right there."

Millie nodded, smiling as well, and made her way back downstairs. As soon as her friend disappeared from her field of vision, Y/N took a quick breath and gathered her nerves before she too wanted to set off.

"Y/N?" she heard a familiar voice behind her. When she turned around, she realized that it was Alex.

"Alex, hey." She said friendly.

"Is Dean with you?" he asked and looked around.

"No, he is not." she actually did not want to think about him before she stood infront of him, but something in Alex's voice seemed off. "Why? Did something happen?"

"Sam and I were just up on the tower and we found something. We wanted to show him."

Now her interest was aroused and she took a few steps towards Alex. "What exactly did you find?"

"From the looks of things, the figure did not fall down on its own, but someone helped it." explained Alex.

This surprised Y/N, but in the end this statement only confirmed her own suspicions. So someone was after her after all. She had to see it with her own eyes.

"I knew it! I would also like to see it and talk to Sam about it."

"Oh, yeah. Sure!" Alex nodded obviously slightly taken aback. "I'll take you up to Sam and then I'll find Dean. That's no problem."

"Then let's go!" said Y/N and Alex cleared the way for her to go ahead.

He pointed her in the direction and waited until she had passed him so that he could walk behind her and Y/N couldn't see the large kitchen knife that was in the back of his belt.

With a whiskey in hand, Dean, Sam and Benny sat in front of the fireplace in the dining hall. Dean was still kinda confused on what Sam was on about, but he welcomed the amber liquid anyways. Sam turned around to see if they were alone in the room, before he started to talk.

"Okay, Dean. What is wrong with you?" he asked quite bluntly.

"What?"

"You seemed so happy in the last month with Y/N. And then her family comes to visit and you change that suddenly."

"It's not that easy, Sam." Dean grumbled and put his glass down in the ground infront of him.

"Yeah, no. I get it. You wanted to marry Helena. I know. But you ended up with Y/N and the two of you seemed to match really well."

"She's one of a kind, brother." Benny agreed with Sam.

"Yeah, yeah, but I catched feelings for Helena!" Dean exclaimed. "That nobody wants to understand this!"

"So that's the reason why you treat Y/N so badly?" Sam asked straight forward.

"I... I treat her badly? Are you serious?" Now Dean got angry.

"You ignored her and just did not care about her. You focused solely on Helena." Benny explained.

"We... we were reconnecting." Now Dean stood up again. "I don't even know why I have to explain myself to you."

"I'm only asking you because I want to understand what's wrong with you, Dean." Sam also stood up now. "Because the Dean I know would never treat a woman like that."

Dean huffed. "I brought Y/N here with me, didn't I? She's here now and I didn't break the deal with her father. So don't tell me I'm treating her badly."

"She has feelings for you, Dean," Sam replied.

"Oh, what nonsense." Dean waved it off and half turned his back on the two men. But the memory of how he had imagined last night that Y/N had called after him that she loved him came right back to him.

"Anyone can see that." Now Benny stood up too.

"But I have much more in common with Helena than with Y/N."

"Really? Like what?" Sam challenged.

"Sam, c'mon."

"No, Dean. I would really love to hear that."

"Well..." Dean gave in. "First of all, the thing about children. I definitely want to have children, in the near future, and Helena wants that too."

"No, brother." Benny now intervened. "That was Y/N. Y/N said that, not Helena. We were all standing at the stables and watching the horses. That was... on the first or second day after they arrived."

Now Dean frowned slightly and thought about it. But it didn't take long for Dean to remember. "Oh. Yes. Okay, you're right, Benny. But... that's not the only thing."

"And what else do you have in common?"

And then Dean started to list. He remembered all the conversations he had had with Helena and the points in which they were so similar. Whether it was about the future of his business, protecting his clan against the redcoats. A possible future in America or their favorite pie.

"And for our honeymoon we wanted to travel across the sea to France. So that Helena could see the stars on the high seas at night," he almost enthused.

"But Dean..." now Sam looked confused. "Everything you just said, every single point, was not said by Helena, but by Y/N."

"No, no, no." Dean shook his head in disbelief. "It was Helena."

"No, it was not! Helena only wants to travel in the near future. She wants to enjoy life and spent a lot of money... basically." Summarized Sam Helena's words in his own way. "She never said anything else."

"You're wrong, Sam."

"No, I am not! I was there too when you talked about these things!"

But Dean didn't want to believe it. He folded his arms in front of his chest and shook his head. None of this was true. He couldn't be so wrong, he hadn't imagined it. Helena had said that, not Y/N.

But Sam didn't want to give up so quickly. "Did you hear that she ran away on the night of the wedding to marry another man?"

"How...?" Dean's eyes widened in surprise.

"Millie heard Helena tell Y/N. Unfortunately, the guy was already married. He even has a son!"

Y/N hadn't told him that last night. Dean let his arms fall again. Something wasn't right here.

"And something else..." now Sam came up to Dean and looked him straight in the eyes. "The thing about seeing stars on the open sea... that was Y/N's wish. Because her mum..."

"...had told her about it so often when she was little." Dean finished the sentence in a whisper and looked at Sam in surprise.

And suddenly everything was there again. The memories, of the conversations. The real memories. Dean saw them one after the other in his mind's eye and he had to sit down. He had heard every word Y/N had ever said. No matter when it was, no matter how often he had visited, she was always there. And something else was there again too.

His memories of the first meeting with Y/N. Her warm gaze and friendly smile. Her shimmering eyes that made his heart beat a little faster. How could he have forgotten that? How could Helena have blinded him that much? It was Y/N. From the beginning, it had always been just Y/N.

When Y/N got to the top of the tower, it didn't take her long to realize that Sam wasn't there. Alex had already closed the door behind her and she turned to him questioningly. She was about to ask him where Sam was, but the look on Alex's face made her stop.

"You're really making it too easy." Alex said and then carefully pulled out the knife.

Y/N's eyes widened in shock and she took a few steps back. She raised her hands defensively.

"What... what are you doing, Alex?" but the young man wasn't listening to her.

"I was actually hoping that my little gift would make you run away, but somehow it didn't work. On the contrary, it brought you and Dean even closer together."

What? Y/N couldn't believe her ears. Alex. It was Alex who was behind all this. That couldn't be true.

"Although..." he pointed at her with the knife and took a few steps back and forth. "At first, things didn't look so bad for me when you were lying in the stable in the cold. I didn't tell anyone that I saw you there because I thought you would freeze to death that night anyway. Then I wouldn't have had to get my hands dirty."

Y/N still remembered that. She had seen Alex walking through the stable when she was hiding there from Dean and had been relieved that Alex hadn't seen her. How foolish of her.

"But then Benny had to find you the next morning. He was in the stable before me, even though I was awake so early. That annoyed me even more because I couldn't be sure that you had actually died already."

The coldness with which Alex spoke made Y/N freeze. She had gotten to know the young man as so friendly and nice that she couldn't imagine that he actually had such an evil side to him. That he was actually capable of something like murder, but apparently she hadn't known him well enough. Because he had cleverly hidden this side from her. And he had kept this side secret not only from her, but also from everyone else.

"So I had to think of something else. But you know what? It wasn't easy because suddenly Dean wouldn't let you out of his sight. You were terribly stuck together."

Y/N carefully looked over her shoulder, but she couldn't see anyone in front of the castle. What should she do now? She had to stay calm and hope that Alex made a mistake. Calling for help was not an option. That might cause Alex to react frantically and she would put herself in danger.

"So I had to wait for a suitable opportunity again. Unfortunately, it seemed to take longer than I thought. After a month, I already felt like I had to come up with something more drastic. Separate you somehow or something. But then your family came to visit and luck was on my side again."

"The statue..." Y/N realized.

"Exactly!" Alex smiled, but not for long. "It took forever to cut the damn thing off without anyone noticing. And when you were finally in the right place, I dropped it. But of course Ellen, our head mom, had to notice and save you."

The contempt with which he uttered the last sentence was written all over his face. He came another step closer and Y/N's heart began to race in her chest. She kept her eyes on the knife.

"So I had to get creative again and look where we are now, just one day later."

"You... you don't have to do this." she stuttered, still keeping her eyes on Alex.

"Aahh, see? You're wrong there." Alex shifted his stance slightly to the side. "That's all I have to do."

And then he leapt forward and swung the knife.

"Dean! Sam!" Millie shouted as she came running into the dining hall.

Sam was up on his feet first. "Millie? What's wrong?"

"It's Alex! The one who is after Y/N! It's Alex!" She came to a halt right infront of Sam.

"What?" All three men said, but not just them.

Ellen stood in the doorway with two other maids and Cassie behind them. All women looked shocked and for a second nobody said a word. But then Sam came back to his sense.

"Wait, how do you know?" He asked.

"I was just upstairs looking for Y/N. She's not feeling well in the last days and I met her in the hallway. We talked and then I went ahead to go down first. But just when I rounded the corner, I heared Alex's voice and I stopped in my tracks." Now she was looking at Sam. "He had said to her that he just had been up on the tower with you."

Dean didn't need to hear anything more. With a determined look on his face, he jumped up and immediately made his way upstairs. Sam and Benny also started running when Millie called for Sam again.

"He had a big kitchen knife with him!"

Now Sam's expression darkened. He turned around once more to take a loaded shotgun from the cupboard next to the stairs and then continued upstairs.

At the last second, Y/N managed to dodge it with a jump, but that brought her to the edge of the tower wall. Alex, on the other hand, almost fell to the ground, but was just able to catch himself. But now pure anger was visible on his face.

"Why are you doing this?" Y/N asked and got back on her feet.

Now Alex looked at her a little astonished. "You really still don't know that?"

Y/N kept her back to the wall and Alex came to a stop just a few steps away from her. The door was now behind him again. The woman infront of him only shook her head no.

Alex huffed. "Well, for Cassie, of course!" he said, looking like it was the most logical answer in the world.

What he didn't notice was the door behind him opening quietly and carefully. Y/N, however, saw it all too well and hoped he wouldn't notice.

"So... did she put you up to it?"

"What? No! Oh god, no. She has no idea about it."

Now the barrel of a gun was visible and then Y/N saw two green eyes directed at her. She would recognize these eyes anywhere and her heart leapt with hope. Still, she had to tear her gaze away from the door and force herself not to look there anymore.

"But I... thought you would love her?"

"I do! That's why I'm doing this!" Alex exclaimed.

"That... does not make sense... don't you think?" tried Y/N to distract him.

"Of course it does!" But when Alex looked at her face he realized that she really didn't understand what he meant and so he started to explain it to her.

"I love Cassie and I want her to be happy. Unfortunately, she doesn't love me, which I can't change. But she loves Dean and she said herself that she can only be happy with him."

Okay, that wasn't anything new for Y/N, but somehow she had a bad feeling about what he was getting at.

"But as long as you're here, she won't be able to be happy with Dean and that's why I have to kill you. So that Cassie can finally take this chance and be happy."

Meanwhile, Dean had stepped through the door and had the shotgun aimed at Alex's head. Behind him, Y/N noticed that Sam and Benny were also there and seemed to be getting ready.

"But if you kill me, Dean will marry Helena. Because that's who he originally wanted to marry, not me."

Now Alex thought for a moment, but quickly recovered. "If it really comes to that, I'll think of something. But now shut up and let me finally kill you!"

The young man was just about to jump forward again when he heard Dean's voice behind him.

"I'd think about that again, son of a bitch!"

Alex looked back in shock, but didn't even have time to take another step. The shot from the gun could be heard across the entire castle. It hit Alex right between the eyes, causing him to stumble backwards a few steps and then fall over the tower wall.

Dean didn't waste another second, dropped the gun to the ground and ran straight to Y/N. He took her face in his hands and saw tears forming in her eyes.

"Are you okay? Did he hurt you?"

"No, he did not hurt me. I'm fine, Dean."

But then Y/N broke down. She began to sob wildly, letting her tears flow freely and clinging to Dean. He immediately took her in his arms and held her tightly while giving her a kiss on her hairline.

"It's over." Dean reassured her. "It's finally all over."

It took a little longer until everyone was back down from the tower. Especially since Y/N didn't want to let go of Dean. He took her down to the kitchen, where Ellen had already prepared a hot cup of tea for her. He slowly released her from his arms so she could sit on a chair. Y/N had calmed down a bit, but her tears hadn't all dried up yet. Ellen touched her lightly on the shoulder and pushed the cup a little closer to her.

"Drink this. It calms the nerves." which in turn meant that Ellen had put a sip of whiskey in the tea. "I'll leave you alone then." and with a gentle smile she disappeared.

"Dean..." Y/N begann, but she did not come very far.

"I'm sorry!" He blurted out. "I'm sorry about everything!"

Y/N had expected everything, but not that. And so she stayed quiet for a moment because she didn't know what to answer or how to react. But she didn't have to wait long for an explanation, because Dean looked at her determinedly and continued.

"I should have believed you. All of this... is so damned my fault. It's only because of me that you got into this situation." He ran his hand through his hair. "Just because I was such an idiot..."

"Dean..." she tried again, but even on the second attempt she didn't get very far.

"I love you." now Y/N was stunned and her eyes widened in utter surprise. "I love you since the first time I Iaid eyes on you."

Again, Y/N felt emotions rising within her and she looked closely at Dean. But she could see nothing but honesty and sincerity in his eyes and so she just let him continue talking.

"But I was just too blind to see it. It took me so long to really see it and so much had to happen for me to finally see it clearly. Sam and Benny also had to talk to me so that I could see my mistakes. But now I know, I know for sure."

Y/N was holding her breath, the tea long forgotten.

"When I look at you, I see the future and I guess I always have. I think I was just too cowardly to admit it to myself. But now I never want to give it up again. I want to spend my life with you, until the end of our days."

And Dean was completely serious. Deep down he knew that was exactly what he was feeling. He was wearing his heart on his sleeve, but the longer Y/N remained silent, the more he became afraid that it might already be too late. But then his wife started sobbing again before she spoke.

"I would be careful with what you say because if you really mean it... then I swear you will never get rid of me." and then she smiled at Dean, while relief and happiness flooded through him at these words.

"I couldn't imagine anything better."

A/N: Aaaand we're done! I'm happy and sad at the same time. 🥹🥹🥹 But I was thinking... since we had so many up's and down's, who would want an epiloge? 🫣 Feedback is very much appreciated! 💜

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Dean Winchester Fic Recs List - Page 1

Rec list under Read More:

The Stranger by @deanwanddamons - Demon!Dean turns up in the bar you work in. You are drawn to him, but can’t work out why.

No One Will Notice by @deanwanddamons - Y/N hopes that she sees the mysterious Dean again.

All She Wants by @pink-sparkly-witch - As an Omega, Y/N’s biology dictates that she needs to be claimed and have pups. Despite seeing her through her heats for years, Dean – the Alpha Y/N wants to settle down with – refuses to give her what she needs.

A Helping Hand by @deanwanddamons - Dean is tired after a hunt, so asks Sammy to drive Baby. You and Dean cuddle up in the back seat.

Always Remember Us This Way by @wayward-dreamer - Maintaining the facade of a normal life while hunting was harder than Dean had imagined.

Into the Unknown by @deanwanddamons - Dean is desperate to get laid. Will his hunters instincts betray him?

A Moment Of Peace by @wayward-dreamer - All Dean wanted was a moment to himself, but a chance encounter in the Men of Letters bathroom may grant him everything he’s ever wanted. Set between 14.03 The Spear and 14.04 Mint Condition.

Blind Love by @jawritter - Dean is struck blind by a witches’ curse, and it’s up to the reader to look after him while Sam is gone to try and find a cure. The reader has to overcome her shy nature and feels she’s hiding from Dean in order to make him feel better.

Too Close To Gone by @jawritter - Dean's been gone for a year. You have been gone from the Bunker for just about as long. When you finally get the guts to go back "home" after leaving, someone you never thought you'd see again stumbles into your life, and now you have to figure out how to move on with a constant reminder of what you've lost following you around in the flesh.

The Devil's In the Next Room by @jawritter - They told her he was The Devil in the flesh. She was just a hired escort, so it should have been just another job, so how did she get in so damn deep?

You Deserve To Be Happy by @jawritter - Even heroes get lonely. Dean had resided to his fate that one day he would die alone, but one trip on a supply run changes all of that.

I'm Going Down by @jawritter - Six years was a long time to be alone, but as fate would have it a wounded stranger that you find in the woods would not only turn your world upside down; but he might just save your life in return.

When the Lights Go Out by @jawritter - Life hasn't been your best friend lately, you lost your job, and are on the verge of losing your apartment. Who knew when you decided to join a Sugar Daddy app that your best friend suggested in a last-ditch effort to save your apartment, and not end up on the street, your first and only client would turn your whole world upside down.

having sex with Dean and you passing out after your final orgasm by @impala-dreamer

Best Surprise by @smol-and-grumpy - Dean only has eyes for Y/N, not even the relatively hot co-worker can persuade him to stray. No matter how hard Bela tries, he told her that she’s never going to get his dick — until she does, technically.

Smooth Operator by @smol-and-grumpy - Dean Winchester has a crush and his friends think the only way to get over a crush he’s not ready to act upon is, to get under someone else. Or at least getting off as many times as he can in order to lift up his mood. That’s the story of how he came to be sitting on his couch, with a gift card from a phone sex company in his hand, and enough credit to last him a couple of orgasms.

We'll Be Alright by @smol-and-grumpy - Detective Dean Winchester is assigned a new partner against his will. He’s not happy about it — until he is.

Sweet Relief by @smol-and-grumpy - Dean suffers a serious case of blue balls.

Best Night by @smol-and-grumpy - You took Dean out to a local music festival to distract him and according to him, it was a good night, if not the best.

Take You For A Ride by @smol-and-grumpy - What do you say when Dean wants to take you for a ride?

Tease by @smol-and-grumpy - You’re a demon and Dean teases you when he gets the change.

Redlight by @smol-and-grumpy - Dean Winchester is a rich, recently divorced entrepreneur who visits Los Angeles for business. While he was out with acquaintances one night and was waiting on a limousine to get back to his hotel, he witnessed a woman in need, and rushed in to help, only to learn that the woman was a prostitute. Dean should have left after he made sure she was okay, but there was something about her that wouldn’t let him walk away.

Instant Attraction by @smol-and-grumpy - Dean Winchester is thirty-eight and the stepdad of her best friend Ben. He’s caring, goofy, dorky, sexy and has a deep soothing voice. She wants him so bad, but he is more than a decade older than her. The thing is, she knows he wants her too but he’s holding himself back. How far can she take it until he caves? — Or the one where Dean tries to resist but fails miserably.

The Wedding Date by @smol-and-grumpy - After her engagement with her stupid ex crumbled and burst into flames, Y/N tries to get her life back together. She’s fine — or at least she was — until she got her sister’s wedding invitation in the mail. A wedding in which her ex will serve as the groom’s best man. In order to show her past fiancé that she’s totally over him, she needs to show up with a date at the wedding, even if it’s just a pretend relationship with a male escort whom she pays a lot of money for. But pretending is all it is, because she can’t let herself fall for an escort — or can she?

A Little Crush by @smol-and-grumpy - Rule #1 — Do not fall for your client. It sounds so easy, right? When Y/N made up the rule, she never accounted for the day that she’ll meet her teenage celebrity crush, and she has certainly never anticipated that they’ll become such close friends. No matter how much she wants to deny it, she quickly falls head over fucking heels for Dean Winchester.

To Be Free by @smol-and-grumpy - Escaping and hiding away, that’s what she wants to do. Her parent’s remote cabin in the mountain sounds like the best place for it. There, she meets someone from her past - a green-eyed mountain man.

What I Want Most by @smol-and-grumpy - Dean’s life has been all work and no play lately. When Gabe, his friend, coerced him into tagging along to a club, he couldn’t say no as Gabe has been pestering him for a while now. What Dean didn’t expect was that he’d meet his match in that club in the form of a stunning woman with underlying daddy issues.

Legally Yours by @smol-and-grumpy - Dean Winchester tops the list of hottest entrepreneurs 2020 and yet, there’s still something he wants but can’t have because, in order to get that, he would have to settle down and get married. She agrees too quickly because she wants to secure a more comfortable life for her and her daughter. Will she be able to help Dean get what he wants without losing herself in the fake story they spin up to deceive his father and the world?

Something Just Like This by @smol-and-grumpy - Dean Winchester, mobster boss. He’s a little cocky, a lot ruthless and more often than not, short tempered. But he’s also, Dean Winchester, a war veteran and hero who suffers under a shit ton of PTS. He met her in a bar and thinks it’s fate that brought her to him. Little does he know why she’s really here.

Sky Full Of Stars by @smol-and-grumpy - He’s Dean Winchester, ex mobster boss, still a little cocky, less ruthless and not at all short tempered anymore. Instead, he thinks he’s hilarious (she doesn’t agree, though). They both try to live a quiet life. And Dean hopes, very hard, that his former life won’t come knocking at their door.

Euphoria by @smol-and-grumpy - He’s Dean Winchester, owner of a shady night club. She’s a journalist who has been asked to write an article to expose the indecency and debauchery that’s going on behind closed doors. But he’s also Dean Winchester, the boy who sat next to her in class. The boy who was too cocky for his own good.

Teacher Of the Year by @smol-and-grumpy - Heartbroken and restless, she walked into a bar with the full intention of getting smashed but she got more than she bargained for. Much more.

Cross My Heart by @smol-and-grumpy - After opening up a letter, the life as she knows it, changes forever. Her husband hires Dean Winchester to protect her but is Dean really who he said he was? And is her husband really worried about her safety?

After Hours by @smol-and-grumpy - They’re just outside of Helena, Montana, when they get pulled over. Dean knew that nothing good can come out of letting Y/N behind the wheels of his Baby. Little does he know that it’s probably the best thing that could happen to them in months. That good thing comes in the form of a tall, green-eyed Sheriff.

The Fool by @jawritter

Right In Front Of You... by @jawritter

I Hurt Too by @jawritter

Living With Regret by @jawritter - Death can be hard to deal with in any aspect, but when you’re in the life, it’s something you deal with all to often, and carry with you until it’s your turn to burn.

Don't Let It Show... by @jawritter - She’s had enough of him, just like every other woman always seems to, and normally, he doesn’t care, but this time…this time it hurts.

Touch Starved by @jawritter - Sometimes when the hunt is hard, and his mind is loud, Dean just wants to be close to someone he loves, but is to scared to say it out loud. Thankfully, she knows him better than he knows himself.

Something Unexpected by @wayward-dreamer - Jody needs back up on the hunt she’s on, and Sam and Dean aren’t going to be enough. She calls in Y/N Y/L/N, without knowing that Dean and Y/N can’t stand each other. Things come to a head during the hunt, words are said, and feelings are hurt, but something unexpected occurs. Something new with the promise of more, if they only give in to how they actually feel for each other.

Something Wonderful by @wayward-dreamer - Dean and Y/N have been together for a few months now. Despite that, there’s still tension between them. Y/N has been pushing him away and Dean’s sick of it. When he tries to find out what’s wrong, some things are said that aren’t meant. Later when they try to fix things, Dean finds out what Y/N has been keeping from him and why she’s been pushing him away in the process.

Christmas On the 26th Floor by @wayward-dreamer - Still keeping their relationship a secret, Dean and Y/N attend the annual Christmas party at Smith Construction Co, where they still manage to find a way to spend the night together.

Love On the 26th Floor by @wayward-dreamer - Y/N has been working as a personal assistant to the successful CEO of Smith Construction Co, for just a few weeks. It may not be her field of expertise, but she needs this job to pay off her student loans and live her life as she tackles a part-time Masters degree at the same time. She finds her boss Dean Smith incredibly intimidating and insanely attractive; but an office fling is the last thing she needs, especially with her employer.

Before You Know It by @wayward-dreamer - Dean has to leave for a business trip in London, giving Y/N the idea of making sure he has something to keep him satisfied while he’s away.

Better Than Fantasy by @wayward-dreamer - Y/N moves in with Dean, and finds herself in a dilemma when she can’t stop fantasizing about all the things she wants him to do to her. She has no idea that Dean has a few fantasies of his own.

The Cost Of Friendship by @wayward-dreamer - After a string of troubled ex’s and bad dates, Y/N is frustrated, wanting something with no strings attached for a while. She turns to her best friend Dean and they find themselves in a friends with benefits arrangement. However, Dean has a secret. He’s been in love with Y/N since their high school days and he’s never found the courage to tell her. Could now be his chance or will he end up with his heart broken?

caught in the act by @dilfs4bunny - dean covering you with his leather jacket whenever sam accidentally catches y’all in the front seat of the impala

Fever Sex by @l13

Marlin and Nemo by @supernatural-jackles - After getting kidnapped on a hunt, and tortured for seventy two hours, you’re having trouble getting back to normal. You figured a drink before bed would help, only Dean has other plans to help you move forward.

Marry me in the battlefield by @herstarburststories - Dean decides to propose you in the midst of a hunt.

Morning Cuddles by @winchesterfanatic1967

Voicemail by @sunbaby01

Fake Yours by @supernatural-jackles - Your brother is getting married to one of your best friends, and you’re the maid of honour. Your horrible mother is on your case about showing up with a date, as you ex, the best man, has moved on. Your only option is to beg the stranger who took you home, to pretend to be your boyfriend until the wedding is over. How much pretending did you really have to do to convince them all it was real

Ladies With Experience by @hintsofhoney - When Dean makes an off-handed comment about “preferring ladies with experience”, you try (and fail) to not let it get under your skin. You’re a virgin, but you’ve done just about everything else, and when you talk to Dean about it, he offers to be your first. He’s your best friend, and you’ve been in love with him forever… who are you to deny him?

The Triplets by @welldonebeca - Lizzie moves in with her favourite honorary Uncle, Beau, to find work in a big city, and starts sharing a house with him and his other two twins brothers. The triplets - Dean, Ben and Beau - couldn’t be more different and more similar at the same time. One thing they all share? Well, they all want to fuck her, of course.

Stolen Crown by @roonyxx & @jay-and-dean - What happens when she is sent in a world that isn’t hers, but with very familiar faces ?

No, Screw You Sweetheart by @jawritter - You HATE Dean Winchester, I mean really, REALLY hate him.

Head To Head by @wayward-dreamer - Bobby is retiring from the Head of Department and sourcing a suitable candidate for the position. Dean and Y/N are each other's main competition, but the fight for the job leads to an unexpected but satisfying outcome.

My Best Friend... by @jawritter

Strip Studying by @awkward-and-indecisive - You have an exam tomorrow but can’t seem to remember anything. But your boyfriend, Dean, has just the technique in his mind to help you study.

The Talk by @avanatural - Jack catches Dean and Y/N while they’re being intimate. The Nephilim has a lot of questions about what he witnessed, and Dean takes it upon himself to answer at least the most important ones.

Dean and Best Friend!Reader where he makes her squirt by @imyourbratzdoll - dean makes his best friend squirt after she confesses that no one ever has

Boulevard Of Broken Dreams by @deanbrainrotwritings - sharing a room with sam when dean has the sex drive that he has usually means he has to be quiet when he’s doing the dirty with his girl.

Rules Were Meant For Breaking by @waywardxwords - You meet a mysterious man on your flight. When a long travel day turns even longer, you find yourself breaking all of your personal rules as you get to know the stranger.

Movie Night by @deanwanddamons - Dean and Y/N have a movie night which ends with them making a movie of their own.

Daddy In A Different Way by @kaleldobrev - A simple misunderstanding leads an older woman to believe that you and Jack are together, not you and Dean. But Dean does a “very good job” at clearing things up…But maybe not in the best way.

admirer by @nesnejwritings - Mornings were easy and they always gave you a chance to admire your favorite green-eyed hunter

fill me with colour; paint me blue by @vampiredaisiesss - it had become your routine. you’d sit in a shitty motel room, researching while the boys handled the monsters. and when the rough patch of the hunt was over, dean winchester would come seeking solace in your arms.

Get Stuffed by @zepskies - Dean enjoys the way you cook Christmas dinner with a Latin flair, even if Sam likes to tease him about his insatiable appetite. You remind Sam about the true reason behind one of Dean’s biggest quirks.

No Good Deed Goes Unpunished by @queen-of-deans-booty - One good deed turns into your worst nightmare, one that you can’t stop from coming.

A Secret Love by @winchesterwild78 - The reader is Dean’s secret girlfriend, and we find out some things even Sam didn’t know.

Passion and Redemption by @cheynovak - Dean and Y/N are secretly hooking up. They both reclaim their virginity during a hunt. Dean get jealous and seize the moment to let Y/N know what she'd be missing if she left.

chokehold by @hischrrypie - dean gets a bit too obsessed with angel y/n (Demon!Dean x Reader)

Carry You by @jawritter - The reader gets injured on a hunt, and Dean take a little time to pamper his girl.

Underneath Baby's Hood by @spn-bee - In the bunker, the group experiences a rare moment of peace. Castiel’s observation of Dean and y/n’s shared scent leads to a comedic exchange about their relationship.

Good Girl by @deangirlsstuff67 - Dean and Sam are fighting yet again. You hear glass shatter against a wall, followed by a very angry Sam slamming his door. Feeling brave, you go in search of Dean.

No Exit by @doctorbitchcrxft

Stitch Me Up by @samuelsdean - for dean, every scrape, every gash, was a twisted plea for your touch.

One of The Girls by @ninii-winchester

Deans Playlist by @renren-006 - exactly as it says. songs dean likes and the times you heard them with him.

Without Her by @foreverwayward - Dean mourns the loss of the love of his life.

Tattooed by @coffee-obsessed-writer - Dean takes you to get ink

Darken by @impala-dreamer - You woke up in a trashed motel room covered in someone else’s blood and no memories of the past week

Stay With Me by @impala-dreamer - Dean is into his second bottle of whiskey, desperate to drive his problems away. But he knows deep down, the booze isn't what he truly needs…

Now and Then by @thinkinghardhardlythinking - Y/N and Dean met a few years ago, both lost in the uncertainty of their lives which were so far from what they had hoped for them to be, but love affairs end, some with heartbreak. Y/N moves on but when her new life sends her crashing back into Dean’s orbit, she wonders if, for her, it will ever truly be over.

Worn Out Leather by @impala-dreamer - It isn't easy, but you know when it's time to go.

Hollow by @thoughtslikeaminefield - @winchesterxfamilybusiness​ submitted this prompt to @cabin-fever-bang​ “Would anyone be willing to write something with Dean [or Jensen] x reader to the song Love on the Brain by Rihanna -xx”

Fire and Rain by @writercole - When a fire destroys her place to live, Y/N and her daughter Lana are left with nowhere to go and no one to count on, except the kindness of a beautiful, green-eyed firefighter that saved their lives. Will the pair of them make it through the obstacles life has dealt them or will they crash and burn?

Just Another Day by @1000roughdrafts - Fluffy Dean x female!reader Valentine's Day post

Don't Forget It by @hintsofhoney - While working a case with Dean, he gets jealous of the way you interact with a suspect and decides to remind you who you belong to.

Desire (The Wanton Song) by @deanbrainrotwritings - dean looks delicious in a suit, that’s it.

What Awaits You in the Dark by @dean-winchester-is-a-warrior - After sleeping with Dean, Y/N really wants to sleep next to him too. Dean seems reluctant. Can Y/N figure out why?

Wake Up Call by @wayward-dreamer - Y/N starts Dean's birthday in a special way.

Blush by @kaleldobrev - For the first time in your life, you can say you’ve made Dean Winchester blush

Always by @dean-winchester-is-a-warrior - When Y/N storms out in anger, Dean is afraid he's lost her.

Privilege by @mind-empty-just-fictional-people - dean admits he feels old and you can’t help but gawk at his thinking

Tourniquet by @impala-dreamer - Y/N has been by Dean's side through his worst days, always there if he needs her, forever just a call away. Love is impossible to fight and more impossible to live with. Just a side character in his epic life, Y/N would give anything just to give Dean a moment's peace.

Ambivalent by @dulceackles - Dean used to be really important to Y/N but ever since he suddenly left her without telling her why, she's been avoiding even mentioning him. Now, after years, he's back in town, but not because of her. There's a case. The only things she's certain is that she doesn't like him being back.

Play Nice by @luci-in-trenchcoats - The reader knows she’s in it when Michael grabs her off the street. What she doesn’t understand though is what he’s up to and why he’s so unusually kind at times… (Michael!Dean x Reader)

Page 2

dividers by @firefly-graphics

[wellofdean]

Don't you think Cas should care and interact with Dean emotionally in The Trap? Dean's mother died only Days ago, and Cas thinks he should be over it already?

Well, uhm. Yes? But I don't think he can at that moment. He is in love with Dean, and Dean has shut the door on him hard, and done so exactly when he is weakest, because he is just as bereaved as Dean is. Both of them are suffering, and neither of them can meet the others' needs. It's not like one of them is being the asshole, and the other one is blameless.

Dean's mother notably referred to Cas as 'one of her boys' and Cas notably saved her from death after Dean's deal with Billie because they all mean too much to him, including Mary. Cas loved and lost Mary, too. Cas loved and lost Jack, whom Cas saw as their child. And, Cas feels like he has also lost Dean!

Why are Dean's grief and Dean's sub-optimal emotional responses in the face of grief more valid than Cas's? I can't put it better than @deangirlism101 in their tags on this post, so I am just going to share them here:

#🤔 it's interesting how differently that ''you couldn't forgive me'' line felt to me#idk if it's because I'm approaching that line with the context that narratively#at least to me#these two are for all intents and purposes#quite married#in my mind the divorce arc is genuinely A Divorce#it's not a breakup. it's not a fight. it is a ''irreconcilable differences'' divorce#and that's where I'm approaching my reading of cas in that scene#it's very much that pragmatic side of divorce#where one partner reaches a point of shutdown because they believe there is no longer any kind of conversation to be had#''you cannot forgive me and i am unable to be near you while unforgiven'' is not#in my perception#the same as ''i apologized and therefore i deserve forgiveness''#i read somewhere that a big warning sign of divorce is contempt#and in the episodes prior to cas leaving#that is all dean expressed toward cas to his face#literally#dean's panicked ’'where are you going?'' i.e. the first noncontemptuous thing dean says to cas all season#is said to his back!#it's not that cas is owed forgiveness#it's that cas NEEDS forgiveness to be able to remain In The Relationship#the way i interpret it#cas isn't ASKING for forgiveness. he is just saying he needs it to stay#which to me is a world of difference#it's not out of entitlement#which i think is important for the emotional context of the episode#and i think it's the beauty of the divorce arc being very much a depiction of Marital Strife#to me it feels like an excellent depiction of the way a healthy marriage is deeply entrenched in compromise and not keeping score#(which is not to say it's okay for cas to continue going off on his own and keeping secrets)

I agree hard with everything here. And, I also think it's not only a depiction of Marital Strife, but a depiction of marital strife after the loss of a child, which is a whole other level of understandable not coping.

They are both on the ropes, they are both emotionally compromised in ways they aren't able to overcome. They both have Things They Routinely Do that are not for the best -- Cas tries to solve everything alone and keeps secrets, and Dean masks all his vulnerable feelings with anger. I think they both forgive the other, but can't bridge the gap. I think it's possible to love and forgive someone, and not be able to be around them, and I think Cas and Dean are both doing their best, it's just that, under the circumstances, their best is not great.

And, this bears repeating: #to me it feels like an excellent depiction of the way a healthy marriage is deeply entrenched in compromise and not keeping score

Cas is not owed an apology, but the fact that Dean can give one? I love that FOR DEAN.

[deancasbigbang]

Title: Arms Around His Angel

Author: blackhorsedances

Artist: stonelions

Rating: Explicit

Pairings: Castiel/Dean Winchester, minor Benny LaFitte/Garth Fitzgerald IV, Gabriel/Kali. Charlie Bradbury/Meg Masters; Jody Mills/Donna Hanscum. Past Dean and Lee Webb; Past Dean and Lisa Braeden; Past Dean and Benny LaFitte. Sam Winchester/Jess Winchester. Jack is Sam and Jess Winchester’s son.

Length: 36041

Warnings: No major archive warnings Content Warnings: Mention of James and Amelia Novak dying in an MVA (no gore, nothing on screen), mention of the humane slaughter of a steer (no gore, nothing on screen).

Tags: !Inventor Castiel. !Rancher Dean Winchester. Bisexual Castiel Novak. Semi-comfortably Bisexual Dean Winchester. Top Cas/Bottom Dean. Smut and fluff. Mostly safe sex. Hurt/comfort. Happy Ending.

Posting Date: October 14, 2024

Summary: Castiel Novak invented cutting-edge solar technology and left his position as CEO of Angelus, Inc. to protect himself and his technology from his dysfunctional brothers. He found safety on a 20 acre farm in Kansas with a pond, house, barn, and his trailer. When his twin and sister-in-law are killed, he’s drawn back into the business, and into danger, to protect his niece Claire and his technology. Dean Winchester rebuilt Winchester Ranch after John almost destroyed it. He has 500 acres of land, a ranch house, and a big barn. He raises American Wagyu beef. He’s a single Dad with a great son, Ben, a giant moose brother Sam and Sam’s wife Jess, and an adorable nephew Jack who roams around the ranch with his trusty sidekick, Honeybee, Dean’s old palomino mule.  Castiel and Dean meet accidentally at a hotel and share a night of wild–and completely anonymous–intimacy. When Castiel wakes up alone, with no note and no phone number from his ‘Cowboy’, he assumes that the night was a one and done, and regretfully moves on with his life. Dean keeps thinking about the ‘Angel’ that he spent a night with, but is pretty sure that he doesn’t deserve that kind of a guy in his life. Jack and Honeybee discover “Mister Cas” and inadvertently set the stage for ‘Cowboy’ and his ‘Angel’ to meet. But sinister forces are moving in the background. Will they be able to overcome the forces that are trying to keep them apart?

Excerpt: “What’s Jack doing, Sam? Garth says he and Honeybee are out most days from breakfast until well after lunch. Jody says he packs peanut butter and banana sandwiches.” Sam shrugs. “He says he’s out visiting Mister Cas. I think he probably found the fort we built that one summer, and is holed up out there with sandwiches for his imaginary friends. Let it be, Dean. The heifers are out in the north pasture. The steers are in the east pasture. There’s nothing out by the fort to worry about.” “Snakes, Sam. There are snakes to worry about.” Sam looks at Dean across the kitchen island, and shakes his head, hair flopping over into his eyes. “You’re the one that told me that a mule will kill a snake faster than you can say ‘snake’, and I believe you because I’ve seen Honeybee do it. Let him be. Ben will be out of school in a couple of weeks, and he’ll be following Ben around like a puppy.” “Heh, you’re probably right.” Dean runs a hand down the back of his neck.  “I know I am, Dean. You worry about all of us, but you worry too much. You can’t watch over everyone all of the time.”

DCBB 2024 Posting Schedule

[kirain]

Bg3 companions as college roommates?

Wyll: Despite being a legacy admission, he isn't at all what you expected. In fact, he causes you to reexamine your own personal biases. He's rich, but humble. Privileged, but generous. Popular, but not because he's the son of a duke—in fact, he keeps that detail close to his chest—but because he devotes most of his free time to charity work. He also throws the wildest parties.

Lae'zel: A foreign exchange student. She's often crude and standoffish, constantly bragging that her education is superior. You don't get along at first, but you soon realise she's homesick and completely out of her element. You offer to help her adjust and she reluctantly, though gratefully, accepts. While you aren't sure if that makes you friends, she at least stops calling you "kainyank".

Karlach: This woman is insane. She doesn't take her studies seriously and always crams before exams, but somehow she always passes! You feel a tinge of jealousy, since you lack the same good fortune, but you can't hate her. It's impossible. She's a sweetheart who teaches you the definition of fun, often helping you unwind when you need to most.

Astarion: You don't get much of a chance to know him, as he sleeps all day and only attends night classes. What's worse, he gets expelled within the first week of attendance. You never figure out what he did or why, you only know that the chancellor seemed deeply, deeply traumatised.

Gale: Kind, attentive, eager to help you with your homework. He's a stellar roommate in every single way ... except for one. He has a habit of running questionable experiments in your dorm, often late into the night, which deprives you of valuable sleep. But he always apologises with a home-cooked meal, so you let it slide. Plus he has a cat.

Shadowheart: She's very tight-lipped and always turns out the lights, even when you're studying. You're not sure how to feel about her when you first meet, as she's rather aloof and melancholy. Halfway though the semester, however, she suffers a debilitating crisis of faith, which you happily help her overcome. When all is said and done, she considers you her new family.

Jaheira: She's more like a mother than a roommate. You learn quick that she's a strict taskmaster; you will not leave a mess around the dorm. Cleanliness shows dedication, after all. But you appreciate that. She cares. She wants you to succeed, despite barely knowing you, and she's always willing to listen when you need a shoulder to cry on.

Minsc: Heavens above, he's the dumbest man you've ever met. Part of you wonders how he even passed the entrance exam, until you discover he didn't. He failed. He's not a student. He just hangs around because he likes you. Yet, for some reason, you find that strangely endearing. Loud and clueless as he is, you feel safe when he's about, and you're quite fond of his hamster.

Halsin: He's the true definition of a "gentle giant". A chipper jock with a passion for nature and activity. He often drops keen wisdom that aids in your schoolwork, as well as your personal life, making him a near perfect roommate.

...If only he stopped bringing home dates for his late night hanky panky. You can't sleep.

Minthara: She isn't a roommate, you're just in her room. You should count yourself lucky she tolerates your presence at all. And you better not slack off, because if you do she will report you to the dean. School isn't a joke, and she expects you to take it seriously. Some people would kill to be in your position.

[impala-dreamer]

Save Me - Part One

A Short Story

~ Sometimes, when life seems the brightest, shadows creep in. After announcing their engagement to the world, Jensen's fiancé is kidnapped. With the help of a friend, she tries to fight her way back home to him.~

Jensen Ackles x F!Reader, Dean Winchester

7,160 Words Total. Part one: 3,209

Warnings: My kind of Super Angst. Blood. Injury. Kidnapping. It's really sad...

A/N: Written for @jacklesversebingo "No one's coming to save you. Get up!"

PART ONE ~ PART TWO

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Her thoughts were hazy; her head throbbing from the repeated blows. The blood that had trickled down her neck had dried and she could feel how matted her hair was around the wounds.

Her muscles ached, her skin was bruised and broken in more than one spot. The cramped trunk she’d been forced into and the bumpy ride had nearly crippled her. She’d tried to count the turns they took, the miles they raced across, but disorientation and fear had been too much to overcome.

Wrists and knees bound in scratchy, rough rope and eyes blinded by a scarf, Y/N was led from the car and dragged up a few stairs. She could hear a lock turn and the hinges of a door creak. Boots on a wooden floor; the heavy breathing of her captor.

The house was warm. Heat was pulsing up from hissing radiators and the smell hung heavy in the air, mixing with the stench of stale cigarettes and rotting trash. Still, she was grateful for the warmth. January in Indianapolis was freezing and the trunk hadn’t exactly been insulated.

“Where are you taking me?” she whimpered, cringing as the fingers around her upper arms dug into her flesh.

There was no answer.

“Please! Don’t do this. We can work something out.”

When she refused to take another step, she was yanked forward and thrown into another room. Her sneakers squeaked and she recognized the sound of cheap linoleum flooring under her rubber soles.

A kitchen. Knives. A backdoor, maybe.

She twisted against the tight hold. “Please, just let me go. I swear to god I won’t go to the cops. No charges pressed. Please. We can get out of this mess.”

The giant hand gripped her harder and Y/N groaned at the pain.

“Why are you doing this to me?”

A gruff voice shouted by her ear. “Shut up!”

She bit her tongue but refused to give up. “Let me go!”

With all of her strength, she pivoted to the right, shoving her elbow hard into the solid body behind her. She heard a pained grunt and the hand holding her released. She spun around the other way and tried to run, but it was no use. Still tied, her knees buckled and she began to fall.

The hands were back, yanking her harshly back onto her feet. She screamed and fist collided with her jaw. Sparks erupted in the blackness of her vision, pain spread across her face.

“Told you to shut up!”

Y/N held her breath and squeezed her lips shut.

Tugged forward again, she stumbled deeper into the kitchen and heard a door open. Cold air hit her face and she shuddered.

“Where are we going?” Tears soaked into the blindfold. “Please…”

Hands released her and Y/N teetered on the edge of what felt like the top of a staircase.

A basement.

She panicked.

“No, no, no!”

“I told you to shut the fuck up!”

His fist connected with her temple and Y/N fell. She counted four stairs before every sensation and thought vanished.

“You sure we should be doing this here?”

Y/N looked over from the edge of the bed at Jensen who was fixing his hair in the mirror. He was primped and picture perfect for a busy day at the convention. Tight black tee under a denim jacket, immaculately ripped jeans, and brown boots. Add to it all the longer hair and a beard- he looked a little too good.

He caught her eye in the mirror and smiled. “I do. I think this is the best place to do it.”

Y/N squirmed nervously and lifted her left leg onto her knee so she could retie her sneaker for the tenth time. Her engagement ring glimmered and she sighed happily at the diamond.

It was perfect.

He was perfect.

And yet-

“What if they don’t like me? Or they get mad, or-”

Jensen spun around and dipped his chin, looking at her with a stern gaze. “Then I’ll kill them. All of them.”

His voice had dropped to a deep, rough growl and Y/N laughed.

“OK, Dean.”

Jensen exhaled loudly and straightened up, returning to himself. He closed the space between them with two long strides and fell to one knee. He took her hand, the same hand that he’d held two weeks ago when he’d asked her to marry him.

“I promise,” he said softly. “They’re gonna love you.”

Her cheeks warmed and her tension eased.

“How can you be sure?”

Green eyes beamed as he smiled.

“Because I love you.”

Pain woke her.

Stabbing, white-hot pain that spread through the entirety of her left side. Though she couldn’t tell where it manifested from, several points along her body had made contact with the concrete floor and spikes of pain radiated from each one.

Her cheek was smashed against the frozen floor and her nose ached. Gingerly, she rolled onto her back. The scarf over her eyes had shifted a bit and she could see a faint stream of light surrounded by creeping shadows.

The air was frigid and damp, and smelled like mold. She shivered as the cold seeped through her thin clothing and into her soul.

Fear wrapped itself around her lungs and squeezed. Her breathing quickened, her sore jaw trembled. She tasted blood, felt every bruise, every splinter of bone. Her mind raced, trying to make sense of the last twelve hours.

Late evening. The convention center. Walking from the loading dock to the back parking lot. Low hanging ceiling; giant yellow lights. Cars jammed in every spot. A dirty white van. A shiny black Explorer. An old gold Camry.

The Camry.

Something heavy hitting her head. Her ears rang. The warmth of blood oozed across her scalp.

She could feel the trunk closing around her, the thin upholstery. The stink of gasoline wrinkled her nose.

Her chest burned. Her throat closed.

She screamed.

“Somebody help me! Help!”

She thrashed against the ground; ropes still would tight around her wrists and legs.

“Help!”

Turning her face back to the concrete, she wiggled her forehead against the stone, pushing the blindfold up and away from her eyes. She blinked into the darkness and let out a hopeless cry.

The basement wasn’t big, but it was old and dark. Light streamed down from the door at the top of the staircase but she’d rather not have any.

Cobwebs hung from the ceiling, spiders lurked in corners, ghosts swept like cold breath over her skin.

“Please…” Tears flowed freely, dripping down her cheeks and onto the floor. She let go, sobbing into the darkness, lost and terrified. “Help me…”

The stage was bigger than she thought it would be; the curtains heavier. She stood off to the side, hiding in the wings while Jensen awed the crowd.

He really was something magnificent. With a tiny smile, he could captivate a crowd. One well-timed wink could send them to their knees, have them swooning and begging for more.

Y/N watched happily as he answered questions and animatedly told a few stories about his work on The Boys. He had a million stories and she would never get tired of hearing them.

She could feel the hour waning and nerves crept up her spine. She steadied her breathing and twirled the platinum ring on her finger. It was too big, she thought, but it didn’t matter. It could be a lump of camel dung and she’d love it. He’d given it to her.

Finally, Jensen cleared his throat and threw a glance over his shoulder at her. It was time.

“I’m sure most of you have heard the rumors,” he said, microphone clutched in his left hand. “So, I thought we’d put them to rest right now.”

The audience’s anticipation was nearly tangible. Hopeful silence rang through the room.

“If you’ll indulge me, I’d like to introduce you to my fiance…”

Right arm extended, Jensen gestured to Y/N and she took a deep breath before stepping out into the bright lights.

Her hands were numb. The skin around her wrists was bloody and stinging. In a panic, she twisted her hands, chewed on the knots, screamed through her teeth.

The desperate cries rang off the leaky stone walls and bounced back at her. She was sure that no one outside would be able to hear her, even if they weren’t in the middle of nowhere.

She had no idea, really, where she was. She did know that they had driven for a long while, and most of the journey had been on uneven, unpaved roads. Surely, they were well outside of the city and anywhere there might be neighbors nearby to hear her pleas for help.

Giving up and afraid of breaking her teeth on the knot, she rolled onto her knees and carefully shuffled over to the stairs. The wooden banister was old and unfinished, just bare wood hammered into place. She rubbed the rope against the edge, hoping to fray the strands and break free.

“What are you gonna do once you get those ropes off?”

Y/N froze and looked around, searching the shadows for the source of the familiar voice.

“Hello?”

“You got a plan?”

“What?” She squinted into the shadows but there was nothing there. She was alone.

“I said, do you have a plan to get out of here?”

“Who’s there!”

A deep, kind laugh. “You know who it is, Y/N/N. What you don’t know is how to get out of here.”

Her heart raced. She did know who it was, but she wouldn’t admit it. If she was hearing his voice, she was going insane. Or she was concussed, which seemed more likely.

Can you go crazy from that?

“Depends on how hard they hit you, I guess,” he said.

Y/N grit her teeth and tried to ignore him. She went back to work furiously rubbing against the post.

“Keep going, you almost got it.”

She sighed. “Go away.”

Another laugh, softer, under his breath. “You don’t mean that. You need me.”

Y/N groaned and kept at her task. Tiny specks of dust and fibers danced in the faint light and she picked up speed, forcing it harder into the wood.

The rope snapped before she could steady herself and she fell forward, smashing her forehead into the corner of the post.

“Fuck!”

Dizzy, she tore the broken twine away and sat back on her ass. She kicked her legs out and untied the rope around her legs. Finally able to move, she jumped to her feet.

The sudden movement was too much for her head and she fell onto the steps, palms crushing into the damp wood.

“Be careful…”

Y/N rolled her eyes at the phantom voice and crawled on aching hands and knees up the steep stairs.

Once at the top, she held her breath and pressed her ear to the door, listening.

If anyone was near, they made no sound.

Carefully, she stood up and grabbed the knob. Praying for release, she turned the brass but it caught halfway around. She turned it again and again hoping something would change, but it was locked.

“Hello!” She beat against the door, kicked it hard. “Help me! Hello!” Fists pounded, her throat tore. “Let me out!”

Someone on the other side kicked at the door and it rattled in the frame.

“Shut the fuck up!” he bellowed, scaring her even more.

Y/N jerked back from the door and felt all hope drain away as boots thudded across the linoleum and the lights went out.

To her surprise, the audience cheered. Smiles beamed up at her from the front row, applause washed over her.

Timidly, and with Jensen’s encouragement, she stepped up to the microphone stand and smiled.

“Hey, guys.”

Her cheeks were burning, her eyes squinting in the stage lights. She raised a hand to shield her face from the glare and looked out into the room. Every seat was filled and fans stood along the back wall. It seemed everyone at the con was in that room, watching Jensen give his big announcement.

She tried to take the mic but her hand was shaking terribly. Jensen came to her aid and pulled it from the stand. He kissed her cheek.

“You’re gonna be great,” he whispered. “They already love you, just go with it.”

Already, people were queueing up on either side of the stage, ready to ask a question should the lines be opened again.

“How’s it going?” she asked, receiving a loud cheer in reply. “Yeah, me too.” She laughed and took a shy step back. Her heart was racing, her lips hurt from smiling.

Jensen watched her with bright, loving eyes. He placed his big hand on her lower back and gave a gentle push.

His touch calmed her instantly. She turned to look up at him and everything else faded away. She’d be fine, he was with her. Always.

“Well, show them,” he said into the mic.

Y/N laughed and rolled her eyes.

“Go on…”

With dramatic, mock reluctance, she extended her left hand and showed off her new ring. It sparkled in the lights and the fans went wild.

She checked the door three more times. She twisted the knob until her palms were raw. She kicked at the wood until her legs ached.

In the darkness, she felt her way down the stairs and collapsed onto the floor. Her head was pounding and a sharp, unending ring blasted loud in her ears.

She lay on her right side, shivering and sweating at the same time. Her face was clammy and her eyes felt as if they were on fire.

“You have a fever,” he said. “That’s not good.”

Y/N turned towards the voice and gasped.

Leaning against the staircase railing was a ghost of her imagination, a handsome vision in a denim jacket and ripped jeans. Red flannel peeked out beneath the jacket and his pockets were full. His jaw was shaded with light stubble; his hair was short and fluffed upwards. His forehead was creased and he crossed his ankles and arms, staring down at her.

She shook her head but her vision wouldn’t clear. He was blurry but obviously there.

“Dean?”

He chuckled. “Who else?”

She sighed painfully and closed her eyes. “You’re not real.”

The apparition pushed off from the post and shrugged. “I’m more real than anything else you got right now. Who are you gonna talk to? That rat over there?”

She cringed. “What!”

He laughed outright and rubbed at the back of his neck. “You’re gonna have to toughen up real quick, Sweetheart, if you’re gonna get out of this.”

“There’s no way out of this.”

Dean crouched down, set his forearms on his knees, getting close to her. “There’s always a way out. You may not like it, but there’s always a way.”

Something caught in the back of her throat and she coughed hard. Violent pain erupted across her middle and she screamed, folding in on herself.

Dean’s worried hands floated over her body; his face contorted with helplessness.

“Hey. Hey! You’re OK. Just breathe.”

She coughed again and her limbs spasmed, twisting inwards.

“Hey! Y/N/N, come on.”

She imagined she could feel the heaviness of his hand on her shoulder.

“Shh… It’s a broken rib… or six. You’re gonna be OK.”

Her eyes were wide, her skin paled. “Can’t… breathe.”

“Hey, hang on… Stay with me!”

Another cough let loose a spray of crimson from her lips and Y/N’s eyes rolled back.

Dean’s voice echoed in her head and everything else faded away.

He kissed her on stage. In front of everyone. In front of a thousand cameras flashing and videos rolling. He kissed her hard, dipped her over his arm.

Y/N was embarrassed and thrilled and in love. It was hard to contain or sort through the emotions running through her, and when they walked off stage together, she started to cry.

Jensen spun around and bent down to reach her eye level.

“Baby, no… what’s wrong?”

She shook her head and tried to look away, but two giant hands framed her face and held her there.

“What’s going on?” he asked, green eyes flooded with worry. “Did I do something?”

She smiled and sniffled. “No. No, Jen, you didn’t. I’m just…” She took a shaky breath. “I’m so fucking happy.”

She took a shaky breath and lifted her head from the frozen concrete. The chill had entered her bones, chilling the marrow and numbing her digits. Her joints ached; the breaks in her body stung. She wiped at the dried blood on her mouth and tried to sit up.

It hurt too much to move.

“I’m thirsty,” she croaked. Her throat was raw and her voice crackled.

“You gotta get outta here.”

She growled. “Ya think? How?” She pushed up on one arm and glared his way.

Dean was standing in the dark next to the stairs. Hands shoved in his pockets; bottom lip tugged harshly between his teeth.

“I don’t even know where ‘here’ is!”

He sighed. “I know.”

“Or who they are!”

He pursed his lips, took a breath. “I know-”

“Or why the fuck I’m locked in a basement!”

Dean rolled his head on his shoulders, looking for answers on the ceiling. “That’s it.” He snapped his fingers and looked down at her.

“What’s it?”

“Why are you here?”

She rolled onto her ass and slowly tucked her knees to her chest. Every movement hurt, but it was better than freezing to death laid out like a ragdoll.

“I already said, I don’t know.”

He dropped his chin, narrowed his gaze. “Think.”

She shook her head. “I have no fucking idea.”

“They haven’t touched you,” he noted.

She scoffed. “Um… I don’t know if you recall that I’ve been bludgeoned and shoved into a trunk and beaten and-”

Dean held up his hand, surrendering and asking for patience. “I mean, they haven’t… touched touched you.”

“You mean like-”

“Yeah.” He scrubbed a hand down his face.

“So they’re not gonna like… rape me or anything. That’s good.”

“Doesn’t seem like it.” He scratched his head. “So why are you here? What do they want from you?”

Y/N shrugged and winced at a new found pain. Her neck was stiff, her spine tingled.

“Think!”

She startled. “I don’t know!”

“Think. What’s missing?”

“I don’t-” Her head hurt. Her vision unfocused.

“Come on, kid. Think.”

“My… my ring.” She reached for the diamond, but her finger was bare. “My ring is gone.”

Dean hummed. “Yeah. But what’s still here?”

She took stock of herself, struggling to remember what she’d worn that morning and what was left.

“My necklace,” she answered, touching her clavicle. “My jewelry. They didn’t take anything else.”

Dean came closer as he led her thought process along. “So, they…”

She swallowed hard. “This isn’t a robbery or anything. They don’t want to rape me. They… It’s got something to do with you.” She looked up into green eyes and a hard expression. “I mean, with- with Jensen.”

TO BE CONTINUED... Part Two

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[starry-scarl3tt]

what’s a non-canon house md pairing you think had the most potential and why?? (saw the asks reblog <3)

thank you for asking<33

apart from hilson, i see chase and foreman having a chance, as well as cameron and thirteen.

> chase and foreman are similar in a lot of way, yet so different at the same time. chase needs to not feel alone/lonely and foreman needs someone who can understand him.

the best parallel is foreman giving thirteen the actual drug in the clinic trial instead of the placebo, right after house says he wouldn’t/couldn’t/shouldn’t (paraphrasing) “unless you love her”, and saying people do stupid things for love. then there’s the other side with foreman burning the chart, helping chase get away with the whole dibala thing, masking it as a complete accident, and speaking in front of so many important people, essentially jeopardizing his entire career if word ever got out.

i could go on about the bachelor party and them having fun together, foreman being all smile-y (thought i do admit, he was drunk) and friend-like to chase because!! after so many years that’s what they were!! friends!! no matter how many times foreman denies it, that’s genuinely what they were and they cared about each other so much it drives me crazy.

may i add how the alleged power imbalance feeds both of their subconscious? foreman always acts like the superior, treating others as if they were his subordinates. on the other hand, chase always acts like a subordinate, always trying to please the ones he admires.

chase gets attached to people. so does foreman. this could easily be a thing that lasts a lifetime. not to mention, in the end they’re dean of medicine and HOD on diagnostic medicine so they would meet a lot. they have so much common ground and what to bond over, it would just take one important step to be able to overcome the start.

also they could be self destructive together<3

so in conclusion: i love them and they’re my poor little meow meows doomed by the narrative for history to repeat again. mic drop

> on the camteen part, i have spent less time analysing (i confess), but a few of the main reasons i think they would be a strong couple are:

1. thirteen is obviously dying. cameron doesn’t want to fix broken people, she wants to accept them;

2. cameron is a lot like the poet with the bleeding heart type while thirteen acts too strong for her own good. they could lower each other’s guards’ down^^

3. comphet allison cameron. need i say more? the point that they could lower each other’s guards’ down still stands!!

yup, that’s all for now. thanks for the ask!! was so fun to answer.

[inneedofsupervision]

An Angels Helping Hands

Happy (late) Holidays @thebest-medicine! I'm your @squealing-santa this year. I hope you enjoy the little fanfic I wrote for you. I wish you all the best for the last remaining days of 2024 and an amazing time for 2025.

(I wasn't sure if you wanted Destiel so I left their relationship kinda ambiguous soo Destiel if you squint?)

Summary: A hunt goes wrong, leaving Castiel with a moody and injured Dean who refuses to get treatment for his injuries. Despite Dean telling him off, Castiel cannot leave his best friend in pain. Dean would have to overcome his bruised ego and accept the angelic help because this Angel of the Lord refuses to ignore the pain and injuries of his favorite human.

Word Count: 4383

“Ugh. When is Sam coming back?"

A hand fumbles uncoordinated across the coffee table inside the semi-lit hotel room. The owner of the almost pitiful crawling limb is shielding himself from the rest of the world, a blanket thrown over him.

“Shitty poltergeist and even shittier winter wonderland.”

Fingertips meet cold plastic, but instead of grabbing the remote and turning down the volume on the TV, they accidentally shove it off the table. The sound of the impact causes the figure under the blanket to jump, his face twisted into a grimace at the noise.

Dean groans, narrowing his eyes as he pushes the blanket aside. He leans over the couch, one arm wrapped around his middle to bear the pain coming from his chest and ribs. Even that little movement had been enough to render the hunter breathless.

He hates hunting in theme parks for a reason, and today’s hunt was another reminder of why.

“Christmas is over anyway,” mutters the man as he sits with his eyes closed, trying to ignore the throbbing sensation inside his skull. He doesn’t want to think about today.

The hunt had been a disaster, and its highlight, the peak of everything going wrong, had been that gigantic candy cane falling over and burying Dean under it. He had been lucky to not get instantly killed, but the embarrassment from having Castiel and Sam finish the ghost on their own sat deep.

“What an unusual time to sleep.”

Dean flinches at the monotone voice next to his ear, grimacing in pain as the movement causes an invisible knife to puncture right between his upper ribs.

“A heads up would have been great, Cas. We talked about it,” grumbles the hunter, turning his head away from the angel.

"And I'm not sleeping."

“You’re in pain.”

Dean snorts.

"What you don't say."

He can feel the angel's disapproving stare into the back of his head.

“When you have undressed me enough with your eyes, then go fulfill some angelic duties or something. I'm not in the mood for holy company tonight."

“You’re in pain.”

Dean rolls his eyes, only to regret it a moment later. The movement doesn't do his headache any good.

"Can I get a refund? I think my angel is broken," he mumbles, his head sinking back into the cushion.

Castiel tilts his head, brows furrowed as he watches the human.

"Hey, what are you doing? Hands off."

Dean cracks an eye open. He tries batting the palm away, but Castiel stops him from interfering, pressing his hand down on his forehead.

"You have severe injuries, Dean. And a concussion."

"What? A concussion is not an injury?"

Castiel ignores the bite in Dean's voice.

“I told you to stop watching those movies, Cas,” teases Dean, trying to overplay the hint of panic as the angel in front of him seems suddenly more than determined to get him out of his clothes. “You watched too much doctor play. Those movies don't actually show you how the real world works.” Castiel stops after getting one of Dean's arms out of the sleeve. Dean takes the chance to warp his hand around Castiels arm, trying to get the angel to stop whatever he is planning to do “Don’t worry, Dean. Sam already explained that to me. I am not planning to touch you like the nurses in the video.” The hand around Castiels wrist loosens as Dean's brain needs a second to process that information. “Hold on. Time out. Sam talked to you about what? What in the world did you watch?" "I believe there are more pressing matters than nurses in unsanitary short uniforms, Dean." The hand grabbing the hem of his shirt stills, the fabric awkwardly shoved up until Dean's chest, showcasing a colorful pattern of bruises. Castiel’s eyes catch Dean’s, the disappointment clear as day. “These have to get treated.” The hunter’s expression turns sour, and an angry hand pushes Castiel away, causing the shirt to fall back down and cover the excessive bruises. “I can do that on my own.” “I would be quicker if I treated them.” “Castiel, seriously. Stop.” Castiel furrows his brows as his hand is shoved away. With a questioning expression, he follows the limping hunter towards his bed, where Dean puts the first aid kit before sitting down.

Pearls of sweat glister on the man's pale forehead. The hunter had never been so adamant about declining treatment for his injuries. “Dean, you are being unreasonable.” “Look at you using your big words,” mutters the man. He opens the kit and roams through its contents while ignoring Castiel's gaze. “Why are you not letting me treat your injuries? I could help you without you being in pain.” Before he can finish his sentence, the angel gets interrupted by Dean shutting the medical kit rather loudly. “Because I don’t want you to see them, damn it!” Dean’s hand twitches as he tries to keep himself from shoving the first aid kit off the bed and storming into the bathroom. He feels trapped inside the stifling motel room, Castiels piercing eyes making his skin crawl in discomfort.

This damn angel just didn't know when to quit, always yapping about him not taking care of himself. His eyes wander upwards, an annoyed groan working its way up his throat as he catches sight of the other's unimpressed expression.

Blue eyes were openly observing him, and if Dean weren't already so used to his friend's unapologetic staring, he would have felt unsettled. Right now, though, the angel's burning gaze fuels Dean’s irritation. "Why are you angry, Dean?" “Why am I angry? Oh, I don’t know. Maybe because I miscalculated the course of action, used a faulty piece of equipment, and, as a result, endangered my little brother and you? I nearly got us all killed, so excuse me for not being in the mood to show off the marks on my body, literally telling how hard I failed to do my job today." During his verbal lashing out, Dean turned away from Castiel, dropping his head and glaring down at the mint green rug lying before the bed. A hand on his shoulder gave it a short squeeze, but Dean didn’t look up, not wanting to see whatever expression the angel was making. “Dean, what are you?” “What now? We’re playing twenty questions?” “Just answer the question, Dean. What are you?” “What am I? A hunter.” “No, not what you do for a living, but what are you, Dean?” “Human?” “And what am I?” continues Castiel, the hand not leaving its place on his friend's shoulder. “An angel. Although, I’m not sure what that has to do with anything.” Not paying attention to the hunter's words, Castiel keeps staring at the man sitting on the bed. “I’m an angel, and even I wouldn’t have been able to predict the poltergeist’s next move. How would you, a human, be able to do something a servant of the lord was unable to do?” Dean opens his mouth only to close it with a shake of his head, the corner of his lip twitching upwards. God, how low has he fallen for a socially inept angel to give him words of encouragement? “I know what you’re trying to do, but please improve your pep talk, Cas.” “That means your mood has improved, hasn’t it?” Dean is about to tell Castiel off, not feeling like showing off the damage the ghost has managed to achieve when he gets shoved onto the bed. “Fuck, that hurts,” groans the man, another curse for his friend forming on his lips for getting manhandled like that while being injured. “It will get better soon,” comments Castiel, not sounding as apologetic as he should, before taking a fistful of Dean's shirt. “Wow, hold on. What do you think you’re doing?” The angel looks up from the two pieces of fabric in his hands that had once been a shirt. “I’ll ask Sam to get you a new one.” “Because Sam has such a good sense of fashion,” mutters Dean, headache worsening by the thought of his little bro getting him a new shirt. “Did you have to rip it apart? I liked that shirt. I could just have taken it off.” “My apologies. I haven’t thought of that. Now turn on your stomach.” Castiel glances down at the man. Dean is leaning back on his arms and looking up at him with an eyebrow raised at the demand.

The skin on Dean's chest and left side is broken in some places and overall swollen, the impact of today’s events visible through the colorful bruises left all over his body. “You’re going to use your holy touch or something?” “I will use my grace, yes. Your shoulder and upper back are affected too, I will start there.” Knowing he wouldn’t get the angel to stop once he set his mind on something, Dean gives in to the command and turns, giving the older man access to his back. He can hear the angel stepping closer, and Dean would lie if he said he wasn't feeling a slightly bit nervous. A hand is placed at the back of his head. Dean blinks in surprise. “Cas?” he asks warily. “I don’t feel anything.” “It should be like that.” Dean rolls his eyes at the short-bound answer, relaxing slightly as the headache lessens along with the aching and throbbing all over his body.

He feels the grace on his skin, a warm and barely noticeable tingly sensation spreading where Castiels hand hovers over his back. It was almost relaxing, and the man had to fight his eyelids from slipping shut. But just a moment later, he felt wide awake again. “Dean?” “Ah, sorry. Can you be a little careful there?” Dean glances over his shoulder at the angel, who tilts his head, staring at his hand questioningly. The hunter shouldn’t feel any pain, but Dean had clearly jumped under his touch. “I’m a bit sensitive there. Just avoid that part, alright?” He can sense the question, but before Castiel can ask, Dean has turned his head away, hoping the angel would do as said and avoid using his grace so close to his ribs for now. Castiel didn’t avoid the spot. Dean flinches. Hard. Muscles bulge as the man instinctively tightens the hold on the pillow. He presses his flushed face into the cold fabric, hot mortification rolling over him. “Does it hurt?” Castiel is puzzled. Something like this has never happened before. Was the hunter still in pain? It couldn’t be. His grace has never not worked before. “It doesn’t hurt. Stop worrying,” came the muffled reply, but it didn’t help cease the angel's confusion. “But you are uncomfortable when I’m doing this, Dean.” Showing what he meant, Castiel lets his hand hover just over the back of the human’s ribs, using his healing abilities on the bruised skin. Blue eyes observe another full body twitch, brows furrowing at the change of color at the base of Dean’s neck. “You are not feverish, but you appear to be rather flushed. Is something bothering you, Dean?” He steps back when a pillow gets flung at him, a red-faced Dean glaring at him. “You are doing this on purpose, aren’t you? You have spent too much time with Sam. That little bitch told you, am I right?”

Castiel is honestly confused. Has he done something wrong?

Both hunters had never declined before. The injuries had been severe, and most of the time the Winchester brothers had been close to collapsing or were already unconscious. Did he never notice his healing bringing discomfort because the receiver of his abilities had been too out of it to show a reaction before? Castiel is puzzled. What is he supposed to do now? Sam told him to look after his brother while he was getting them something to eat. Dean is hurting and needs medical treatment. “Told me what, Dean?” “Don’t play dumb,” sputters Dean, unaware of the inner turmoil his reaction has caused for his angel friend, grabbing the blanket from the bed. He's suddenly feeling vulnerable without a shirt. While shielding his upper body, he shoots Castiels hands a vary glance. “I believe I am missing something here, Dean,” says Castiel and steps closer, an eyebrow-raising when the hunter moves at the same time he does, crawling backward on the bed while holding onto the blanket. “Stay where you are,” demands Dean, hand up high and palm facing the angel as if that would help keep the holy being from moving, climbing down the bed on the other side, and hurrying towards his bag. “You might not feel pain for the moment, but your injuries still have to be cared for,” comments Castiel as he watches the human pulling a new shirt over his head. “I cannot stop here, Dean.” Dean nearly jumps to the ceiling at the feeling of someone standing behind him. The damn angel and his nonexistent concept of personal space.

He’s about to tell the other off when his wrist is gripped not harshly but firmly enough to not be able to wind out of the hold. He is led back toward the bed and pushed onto his back. Luckily, he didn’t feel any pain this time. “If it bothers you, leave your shirt on this time.” With these words, the angel moves onto the bed, straddling the surprised hunter.

Without further warning, he shoves his hands under Dean’s shirt.

Dean tries shoving the angel off, but Castiel doesn’t budge an inch.

“What the heck, Cas. Get your hands out of there!”

Before Castiel can use his grace, his wrists are grabbed and pulled out of the shirt.

Blue eyes sparkle with confusion.

“Why are you resisting? Tell me, Dean. I want to help you.”

“Nothing is hurting, it’s just uncomfortable. Let's stop here and let it heal on its own.”

“If it’s not hurting, why can I not use my grace to help you? If we don’t treat this, you will be in great pain for several weeks.”

The man under him is visibly struggling to come up with an answer.

Castiel observes Dean, the latter glancing at his hands before a hue of red colors on his face.

“It tickles, okay? It tickles like hell, and I’m embarrassed, you angelic son of a bitch. I can’t believe you made me say that. Now let me go already!”

Dean swears his face has never felt as hot as in this moment, with Castiel straddling his lap, looking down on him with his head tilted towards the side and his blue eyes sparkling with curiosity.

He feels like a mouse in front of a cat. It's like being put on a dining plate with a neon sign above, pointing down at him, saying “Eat me!” while he has a ribbon around his neck, wrapped up like a little present.

“It tickles?”

Having Castiel say it with such innocent curiosity causes another wave of heat to rush from the top of Dean’s head down to his neck.

He swears he must look idiotic, blushing like a high school girl.

“It never had that effect on anyone before. Maybe you are just rather sensitive, Dean,” muses Castiel as he casually grabs the hunter's hands and pulls them over his head.

Dean is about to protest, eyes widening at the sudden action and growing mortified when he cannot pull down his arms.

“You dick, release me!”

“If it’s hard for you to bear the healing, we can secure you. Now that I know you are not hurting, we can go on treating your injuries.”

Dean gapes, inwardly grasping at straws and trying to come up with a counterargument. He racks his brain, searching for anything to make the angel on top of him understand that this is a terrible idea.

“Cas, please. I cannot stand being tickled. I hate it.”

“I will finish as quickly as possible, Dean.”

Dean dislikes how Castiels words and the mischievous glint in his eyes don’t match.

But before he could protest, he finds himself busy biting his lips to prevent from showing any reaction towards Castiel placing a hand on his sides, just below his ribs.If he pretends to be unbothered, he might get the angel to lose interest.

“Since when did you have to touch me directly for your grace to work?"

He barely manages to press the words out between his teeth, concentrating all his willpower on ignoring the tingling sensation.

He swears Castiel's healing has never felt this weird before.

Their eyes meet.Castiel beams.

“I don’t have to.”

Dean narrows his eyes.

“Son of a bitc- ahaha fuck! You dihihck!”

The angel’s mouth curves into a bigger smile as his friend gets surprised by him sending a part of his grace towards the back of his ribs, the body part where all of this had started.

He glances over his shoulder, an amused chuckle joining Dean’s laughter as he catches sight of the wildly kicking legs behind him.

Dean pulls madly at the invisible bonds, holding his arms in place, lips drawn unwillingly into a bright grin as the tingling feeling reappears near his armpits. It was a hard feeling to describe.

The word tingling was not even close to encompassing the sensation he was feeling, but it was the first one he could think of on the top of his head. The touch wasn’t as soft as feathers but more like the feeling of several fingertips constantly fluttering over his skin.

The movements were so unpredictable that it left him on edge, getting caught by surprise and causing his laughter to jump an octave when an especially sensitive spot was being treated.

“The skin and muscle are fairly easy to repair. It seems like your bones have sustained some damage as well.”

“Does that mean you cannot treat them?”

“I can. But I need to increase the amount of grace.”

The hunter pants slightly, regaining his breath.

“It’s not like it could get any worse, does it?”

Castiel only smiles before setting his hands on Dean’s rips, right at the top, but before he lets his grace work, he waits for Dean to meet his eyes.

“I like hearing you laugh, Dean.”

Any smart-ass answer lying on the tip of Dean’s tongue dies as the palms of the angel start glowing, pumping his grace into the human’s body.

“FUHUCK CAHAHAHAS! YOU DAHAHAHAMN ASSHOHOLE!”

The fluttering sensation that had coaxed breathless laughter out of the hunter had been exchanged by the feeling of several hands expertly drilling their fingers into between his ribs, the muscles of his lower back, his upper back, and his shoulders, everywhere where the bruises had been more severe, leaving the man cackling loudly.

Dean was withering under the influence of Castiels powers, trashing as much as he could, but with the man sitting on him and his arms pinned, there wasn’t much he could do.

He was utterly helpless, and the fact that even if he hadn't been pinned, he would still have been under the mercy of the softly smiling angel who was seemingly enjoining himself seeing Dean being reduced into a quaffing and shrieking mess made the sensation tickle even more.

“Cahahas!”

Hearing his name called out with a hint of desperation, the angel reduces the amount of grace, leaving the human twitching from time to time, a bright grin not able to rid of his face but able to catch his breath.

“Hohow lohong doho you nehed? I’m dying hehehere.”

“How could you be dying when smiling so brightly, Dean?”

“I’m better already, I swehahar. You cahahan stohop now.”

“Dean, lying is a sin.”

“NAHAHAHAHA NOHOT AGAIHAHAN! I’M NAHAHAT LYIHIN YOU FUHUCKER!”

“Insulting an angel of the lord is no laughing matter, Dean.”

Castiel gets back to sending grace into the hunter's body, patching up the last few injuries Dean has received during their hunt, but he can’t help himself leaving it by simply laying his flat hands against the other man's skin. He concentrates his powers on the tips of his fingers, as he tickles up and down the hunter's ribs and sides, grinning at the reaction his fingers cause.

His friend trashes around less than before, but his laughter still bounces loudly throughout the small motel room.

“Stahahap tickling mehehe! Nohow you’re juhust beihing a dihick, Cahahas! Ahahaha, wahahit till I geheht my hand ohohn you!”

“Did you know that giggling makes threat sound less… threatening?”

“I’m nahaht gigglihing!”

Castiel merely raises an eyebrow. Without a word, he pulls the grace away and focuses it on a spot he hasn’t paid any attention to before, as it was spared from injuries.

Dean’s eyes widen as all sensations come to a sudden stop. He can finally move his arms again, making him question if he is done receiving this treatment from hell, only for his back to arch upwards and break back down onto the bed when the nearly unbearable tickling sensation focuses solely on his stomach.

He didn’t even notice the angel having moved from on top of him, only registering his newfound freedom of movement as he curled into himself, wrapping his arms protectively around his upper body but having to accept quickly that it did nothing to fight off the sensation.

“My stohomahach didn’t huhuhrt in the fihirrst plahahace. Castiel, make it stahahap!

It didn’t matter how much he trashed, how much he rolled from side to side, or if pressing his head into the pillow, trying to smother his laughing, he couldn’t do anything to fend off the feeling. It wasn’t as bad as when Castiel mended his fractured bones, but it was certainly worse than the light sensation from the beginning.

It was like curious hands kneading and poking all over his stomach, not bothering with any treatment but just acting out of curiosity, searching for the best reactions. It looked for the most sensitive spots only to get back to them with more vigor, with another technique to tickle him silly.

Dean wasn't sure if the angel's grace acted on its own or if it was Castiel noticing his reactions and deliberately sending more grace to those places that tickled more than the others.

The thought alone of the angel knowing and tickling him on purpose made Dean laugh even harder, suddenly feeling more sensitive.

The worst thing about the whole situation was not even the tickling itself. What was driving Dean madder than anything was the presence of the angel. The latter settled down on the edge of the opposite bed, one leg thrown over the other, his eyes never leaving the trashing human.

Embarrassment washes over the younger man as he shoves his face into the pillow.

Castiel was observing him.

While he is dying here, laughing like a little kid, Castiel is just sitting there, unfazed by Dean falling apart from being reduced into an incoherent, babbling, chortling mess.

And he seems to be enjoying it.

“Sadistic son of a bitch,” was all Dean could think before rolling onto his back, feet kicking frantically into nothingness or hitting the mattress, desperately hugging his middle but unable to do anything as the attack moved from his stomach towards his sides and wandering dangerously close towards his hip bones.

Noticing the sound of the human’s laughter growing breathless, Castiel draws back most of his grace, leaving some last traces roaming the hunter's stomach.

“Cahahastiel. Please, stahahap. Thihis is tohoh muhuch. I can't br- breheathe.”

Castiel cocks his head.

Dean is lying on his back, looking somewhat out of it. Still, there is a huge grin plastered on his face.

The past days Dean had been visibly on the edge. He had worried about the hunt and tried playing it cool, but one glance at the younger Winchester told Castiel that Dean was the only one who believed his mask would hide his real emotions.

A hunt not going how planned out isn't out of the norm, but today's events had the already struggling man spiraling.

Maybe it had been one reason why Dean didn't want to accept getting help, having caught onto the idea that he didn't deserve to be treated as some form of misdirected feelings of guilt overcoming him.

Watching his best friend now, Castiel was confident in having done the right thing even though his way of treating Dean and cheering up the older Winchester had been somewhat unconventional.

A movement catches Castiels attention.

The angel's eyes wander towards the hunter's middle.

Dean’s arms twitched, and Castiel watched with an amused grin how the man subconsciously pressed his hands onto the places where the grace tickled him as if he could shake the feeling of that way. The man had his eyes closed, face reddened from all the movement and laughing, and his shirt had ridden up, showing the angel through a slight glimmering of light where his grace was working on the man’s body.

“Your injuries are completely healed, Dean.”

“Great. Then pull your grace back, you feathered son of a – ACK I’m sohohory! I’m so sohhohorry! Pleahahase, Cahahas. Noho mohohore!”

“I’m sorry, what was that Dean? I didn’t understand you between all that giggling.”

“I said I'm sorry! Thahahanks for heahahaling me.”

Castiel opens his mouth only to get interrupted by the sound of the key's turning.

"They had White Cake and even reduced the price 'cause Christmas is over, but it should still taste good and- did something happen?"

Sam places the bags on the small coffee table, turning towards his brother and his angelic friend, eyebrow raised in question.

"Nothing. Just talking," answers Dean, a nervous chuckle leaving him as he looks everywhere but the angel's direction.

The younger Winchester doesn't look convinced and sends Castiel a questioning look, but the latter shrugs his shoulder. Sam shakes his head at their weird behavior before his face lights up and takes in the healthy color on his brother's face.

"I see, you treated his injuries. Thanks, Cas."

He pats the angel on the shoulder, giving it a grateful squeeze before unpacking.

Castiel shoots Dean a glance, the corner of his mouth pulled up.

"I will always treat him. Just say a word."

[marie-swriting]

I'll Never Leave You - Dean Winchester

Masterlist

Summary : You thought your father, Dean Winchester, would always be by your side.

Warnings : Spoiler last episode of the show!, reader is Dean's daughter, no age mention but reader is a young adult, angst, character death, feeling of hopelessness, loss of a parent, bittersweet ending, maybe some grammatical mistakes as English isn't my first language, tell me if you see some or if I missed any warnings.

Word count : 4.6k

French version

Song inspiration : Marjorie by Taylor Swift

Laying on your bed, a book in hand and your dog Miracle at your feet, you patiently wait for your dad and your Uncle Sam to come home from the hunt. Since the apocalypses, the wars between Angels, Archangels and God have officially stopped, you took a step back from the hunting life. You still help them with the research but you don’t go on the field as much. You can finally have a normal life - as normal as it can be when your last name is Winchester - and Dean supports your decision, glad to know your future is full of possibilities. 

You’re in the middle of a chapter when you hear the bunker’s door opening. Miracle raises his head while you put your book on the bed. You trot to the entrance where you only find Sam with an emotionless look on his face however you don’t notice it. 

“Was the hunt good? Where’s dad?” you question with a smile.

“Y/N, something happened.”

“What? Did you scratch Baby?” you laugh, yet your smile disappears as soon as you see his serious face.

“No, it’s Dean.”

“What is it? Uncle Sam, what happened? Is dad hurt? Where is he?”

“Y/N, wait,” Sam holds you back as you’re about to leave the room. “You should sit down.”

“I don’t want to sit down, I want to know where my dad is.”

“We found a vampire nest so we went there to kill them but Dean got hurt.”

“Is he okay, though, right?”

Sam stays silent for a long second before speaking again.

“One of the vampires pushed them against a beam and there was a spike. He got severely injured.”

“What do you mean, Sam? Tell me my dad is okay!”

“I’m sorry, Y/N, Dean… he died during the hunt.”

Upon hearing this sentence, the floor crumbles underneath your feet. You can’t believe it. You stay speechless while Sam keeps talking.

“You dad wanted you to know he’s always been proud of you and he loves you. He also told me-”

“No…,” you interrupt him with watery eyes. “Wh-, How-, it can’t be.” you stutter, shaking your head. “He can’t die! He is Dean Winchester. He’s survived so many things. He can’t be dead!”

“Y/N/N, I’m terribly sorry.”

“No!” you scream when Sam is about to hug you. “I… I need…”

You don’t finish your sentence, too stunned to speak. You run to your room, tears rolling down your face, Miracle hot on your heels. You let the dog in the room before locking yourself in. Completely confused, you don’t know what to stare at. Your eyes look everywhere while Sam’s words are echoing in your head: ‘He died during the hunt.’ You choke while big tears stream down your cheeks. You fall to the ground as your heart bleeds. You can’t believe you’ve just lost your dad.

One could think it wouldn’t hurt as much after Dean cheated death so many times, however the pain is still unbearable - if not worse, this time. You grew up with only your dad and your Uncle as your mom died in childbirth. Your family isn’t big but your love for them knows no limit. You had to overcome a lot of loss the past years, whether it was Bobby, Charlie, Castiel or other people, though the pain you felt at their death is nothing compared to what you’re feeling right now. You’re lost, begging in the empty for your dad to come back to you. Miracle has his head on your legs, trying to comfort you; you stare at him and you hurt a bit more.

Dean never wanted a dog, no matter how many times you asked him for one. He always used to say with your way of life, you couldn’t take care of one and above all, he’d say no dog would ever get in the Impala as long as he’s alive. However, the second your life went back to normal, he rescued Miracle. You secretly suspect he’s always wanted a dog and your whim was the perfect excuse to adopt one. When he brought Miracle home, you weren’t surprised to see he was the one he got. Miracle managed to find his way to Dean’s heart since they first met, though he would never admit it… would have never admitted it. 

Dean was finally having the life he’s always wanted, far away from the repeating apocalypses and it was taken from him as quickly as it came. It isn’t fair. You dad doesn’t deserve to die this young and you still need him. You’ll always need him.

You stay with your back against the door and Miracle in your arms for several hours. Actually, you don’t know how long you stayed in this position. You’re numb, time is standing still since your discussion with Sam; maybe only two hours passed or a whole day, you have no idea and you don’t have the strength to check it on your phone. All you want is your dad. You don’t care what time it is or if you need to eat. You just want Dean and his comfort.

You think back to all the times you lost Dean and all the times he came back. There always was a solution. There must be one for this time, too. His time hasn’t come yet. You still can bring back your dad to life, no matter the sacrifice you have to make. You dry your cheeks and stand up. Determined, you leave your room and walk to the library, Miracle following you. You take several lore books you already know and others you’ve never read but could be useful. On the table, you have at least four piles of ten books, yet you’re still motivated. You could read thousands of books, as long as you find a solution, that’s all that matters. You take one and start reading it and taking notes with information that might be helpful.

You’ve just finished a whole stack when Sam’s voice snaps you out of your reading, startling you. Sam stares at you, worried while you don’t pay much attention to him before going back to your research. Sam sits in front of you yet, he stays silent. He watches you for a few minutes before speaking.

“Wanna talk about it?”

“No.”

“Alright. I’m gonna give Dean a Hunter’s funeral tomorrow. If you wanna join me.”

“Don’t burn his body!” you exclaim following his information.

“I have to and you know it.”

“No! If you do it, it’ll be even harder to save him.”

“What exactly are you researching, Y/N?” Sam questions, fearing your answer.

“A way to resuscitate dad.”

“Y/N, we can’t do that.” He firmly says and you look at him sternly.

“Why? That didn’t stop you and dad from doing it numerous times before, why would it be any different now?”

“Because everytime we wanted to cheat death, it caused major issues, you know that damn well.”

“Nothing we can’t handle. Dad can’t be dead, not like this, not now that everything is starting to get better. I’m gonna bring him back, no matter the price.” you affirm, opening a new book.

“Even if you have to die?” Sam interrogated, surprised.

“As long as he’s alive, that’s all that matters.”

“Y/N, your dad wouldn’t want you to sacrifice your life for him. He’d want you to live it.”

“It means nothing if he isn’t there.” you say, your lip quivering. “I need him, Uncle Sam. I have to bring him back.”

“We can’t.”

“We damn well can! We can find a solution.” you argue before having an idea. “I’m even sure if we asked Jack, he’d do it. After all, the current God likes us more than the last one, we’re his family.”

“Y/N, we can’t save him, not this time.” Sam insists, making you angry.

“If you don’t want to save your big brother who sacrificed everything for you, that’s your problem, as for me, I’m gonna save him, so either you help me or you leave me alone.”

“It’s time he rests in peace, especially after everything he went through.”

“Because of everything he went through, he deserves to live without worrying about Lucifer, God or another Archangel.”

You look at Sam, sure of yourself. Sam doesn’t reply right away before weighing pros and cons and admitting to you: 

“Dean specifically asked to not be brought back to life because he knew too well the consequences, so respect his wish.”

“He was dying, he didn’t know what he wanted. Now, leave me, I have lots of research to do.”

Defeated, Sam sighs before leaving the library. He sees how desperate and in denial you are. He just hopes you’ll realise very soon bringing Dean back is dangerous and useless. Though he fears you’ll realise it too late and you’ll suffer even more. Either way, he promised Dean to be there for you and that’s what he’s going to do. Whether you want it or not, Sam will stay by your side to comfort you the instant you’ll accept Dean’s death.

The following day, Sam gives Dean a Hunter’s funeral alone. He tried to convince you to come but you refused, preferring to lose yourself in your research. Sam wished he could have done the funeral later, fearing you might regret it later for missing this last goodbye to Dean, unfortunately, it had to be done as soon as possible. 

Sam worries more and more for you. You’ve completely shut yourself out. You only read books in the library and do more advanced research on the internet without sleeping or eating. He brings you food however you almost never eat and you pull all-nighter after the other, despite his disapproval. He doesn’t know what to do to help you. He knew you’d be devastated when he told you Dean’s death but he didn’t expect this reaction. 

A few weeks later, the situation hasn’t evolved, except that now you’re locked in your room and not in the library as a way to avoid Sam. You’re still mad at him for not wanting to help you save your father. You don’t understand how he can be this passive. Your father would have done everything to bring back Sam if the roles were reversed, you’re sure of it.

You finish reading the last book you took from the library when you have an idea. You think you know where to look, except you didn’t see the book when you rummage through all the shelves or you would have started with this one right away. Just in case, you go through the mess that is your room now before going to the library and checking everywhere four times. You try to remember where it might be when a memory comes into your mind. You saw it last in your dad’s bedroom a few weeks before his death. You haven’t stepped a foot there since Dean’s last hunt. You just can’t. You’d like to, though. Normally, whenever you’re feeling down, you go find your dad in his room so he can comfort you.

However, if you went to his room now, you’d face a loud silence and you can’t face it.

Reluctantly, you end up walking slowly to Dean’s bedroom. You stay in front of the door for some time, pondering if you should go in or not. You don’t know if you’re ready to enter his room but on the other hand, you need this book, it might be the solution. You take a deep breath and open the door. The corridor light penetrates the room and you can see the bed which is made, his music collection and the book you’re looking for on the desk. You turn on the light and take big steps to his desk, wanting to leave the room as soon as possible. However, you don’t do it. On the desk chair, you find one of your dad’s shirts. You get teary eyes as you take it and bring the piece of cloth to your nose. You smell the familiar scent and you burst into tears in one second. You wish Dean would come to his room and tell you not to steal one of his tapes like you usually do. Everytime he’d admonish you, he’d pretend it bothered him when in reality, he loved knowing he passed on his love for classic rock to you. His bedroom is now all that’s left of him and you don’t want to lose this place, even the most insignificant piece of scrap such as the menu from the burger place a few miles away is now of an inestimable value. Your eyes fall on a piece of paper lying in the middle of the desk. Carefully, you read it and find it’s an application to become a firefighter on which you can see his signature with his name on the bottom of the paper. You sob when you think back of the first time your dad confessed to you he would have loved to be one if he hadn’t been a hunter. 

It was a few years ago during a fall morning, Dean had woken you up early. Too early. At 4:00 A.M. to be specific. He had woken you up because he wanted to have a father-daughter day. This was how you found yourself in the Impala this early while you were still mentally sleeping and your dad was happy to spend the day with you.

“You know, a father-daughter day can start at 10:00 A.M.,” you complained, yawning.

“You’re not gonna regret waking up early, trust me. We’re almost there.”

“It better be amazing or during the next roadtrip I pick the music.”

“Hell no! You know the rules.” Dean refused.

“Yeah, driver picks the music, shotgun shuts his cakehole, whatever. I deserve some compensation!”

“I got you some donuts.” he exclaimed, showing the pink box at your feet.

“It’s a good start.”

A few minutes later, you arrived in front of a lake. Dean told you to get out of the car and to lean on the hood with the donuts in hand. Despite the morning breeze, you started eating while watching the sunrise. The sky was a beautiful amber colour and it was reflecting on the lake, making the scene even more stunning. It was peaceful, save for the birds which were waking up.

“So, wasn’t it worth it?” Dean asked with a smirk. 

“Ok, you were right and besides, the donuts are delicious. I didn’t think of you as a fan of watching the sunrise.”

“I can be interested in nature!”

“Stop it or next thing you know, you’re only gonna eat salad like Uncle Sam.” you answered with a fake fear expression on your face to which Dean rolled his eyes.

“The fact is we’re having a great time as a father and daughter, away from all the supernatural threats.” Dean said, holding you close to him.

“True.”

“And like this, I can make it up a little bit for the father I am.”

“You don’t have to make it up. You’re a great dad.”

“No children should grow up like you did, like I did. I always promised myself I wouldn't make the same mistakes as my father and here you are in the middle of all this crap between two High School periods.” He grumbled, avoiding your gaze.

“Do I have to remind you I started hunting because I followed you, not because you forced me to?”

“I’m still mad at you for that. You shouldn’t have followed us when you didn’t even know what you were fighting, it could have ended badly!”

“The fact is I saved your ass from some werewolves.” you retorted with a proud smile.

“You especially got lucky. I didn’t know what I would have done if you had gotten hurt.”

“I learned from the best, nothing could happen to me.”

“That doesn’t mean anything. With Sam, we always got ourselves out of those messes just on time. I don’t like knowing you’re part of the hunting life.” Dean confessed with sad eyes.

“I chose it. You always give me a way out and I never take it because I like to hunt.”

“Maybe, but I wish you had the opportunity to lead a normal life, you deserve it.”

“I might not hunt my whole life, I don’t know for sure. For now, it’s what I want to do, though. To be honest, I don’t even know what I’d do if I weren’t a hunter. Besides, you deserve a normal life, too, you know.” you affirmed, firmly.

“It’s too late for me. And I’m not made for the apple pie life but it can be different for you.”

Your heart broke in your chest upon hearing your dad saying this. You wish his life had been different, that his dad had given him the choice when he was younger. Dean might have kept everything buried inside yet, you could read him like an open book. No matter what he affirmed you, you knew your dad wished for a calmer life.

“What would you have done, if you hadn’t been a hunter?” you randomly asked.

“What do you mean?”

“If you had the apple pie life, what would be your job?”

“I don’t know.” he replied but you didn’t believe him.

“You’re telling me you never thought about it ? You’re lying. I can totally see you in a job where you help others.”

“I would have loved to be a firefighter.” Dean confessed after marking a pause.

“You would have been a good firefighter, I’m sure of it. Who knows, maybe one day you’ll have your chance?”

“I don’t think so. I made up my mind I’ll always be a hunter and besides without hunting, I would have never met your mother and you wouldn’t be here so I’m grateful for this life.” he affirmed with a genuine smile.

“You’ll always be here, right?”

“Always.” he promised.

You kept watching the sunrise while talking about more random topics, you particularly complained about some teachers and Dean shared his High School experiences - while leaving behind some details as to not be a bad influence. 

The rest of the day, Dean taught you how to drive Baby, something that didn’t happen often. You were so happy to see your dad trusting you this much. You carefully listened to Dean to avoid making any mistakes. Dean, as for him, loved sharing this knowledge with you, despite having some anxiety over Baby potentially being injured at any given moment. After that day, this place by the lake quickly became your father-daughter spot.

In hindsight, you realise to what extent Dean could have lived the life he wanted. He was probably going to go less and less on hunts so he could do the job he always loved and his chance at a normal life has been ripped away from him. After everything he went through, he deserved this chance. 

Furthermore, you become aware you’ll never have a father-daughter day again where Dean wakes you before the sun so you could enjoy every instant. Had you known, you would have made sure to memorise every second of your last day. All of these memories are part of the past and you can’t bear the idea of it. You can’t stay another day away from your dad, you’re desperate and you must save him. You keep the shirt in your hand while you close the door then, you pray to Jack, looking up.

“Please, Jack, if you can hear me, you have to help me. I’ll bother you only this one time, I promise. I won’t ask for anything else. I just need my father, you have to bring him back. Please, help me.”

You keep begging as you close your eyes as if it gave more strength to your prayers. After a few minutes, Jack’s voice saying your name resonates in the room. You open your eyes and throw yourself in his arms. You missed him so much. You quickly considered Jack as your little brother after he was born so the second he took over Chuck, you heart broke. You’re glad to see Jack replied to your call, despite his responsibilities.

“I’m happy to see you, Y/N.”

“Me too, you have no idea.”

“You prayed so we could talk about Dean. Let me tell you, he is in Heaven. He deserves it after everything he’s done.” he informs you with a genuine smile.

“He particularly deserves to live. Jack, I know I’m asking for a lot but he can’t stay in Heaven, he has a life here, he has to live it.”

“I can’t do that and you know it.”

“You’re God now, of course you can!” you exclaim, appalled.

“After everything he’s sacrificed, he can finally rest.”

“No, he can finally live! Jack, you have to save him.” you beg, tears in your eyes.

“I can’t break the new balance we just made and also, he doesn’t want to, Y/N, he knows the price to pay and he doesn’t want you and Sam to pay it, you in particular.” Jack says, calmly.

“You’re lying! My dad would never leave me. Please, Jack, I’m begging you to help me. Whether you do it or not, I’ll find a way but with your help, I’ll cause less damage.”

“My answer stays the same. I’m sorry.” he insists, making you mad.

“Leave. I’ll do it alone. I don’t need you! Leave!”

Disappointed, Jack disappears, leaving you alone in Dean’s room. You can’t understand why no one wants to help you. You’re not asking to bring back a monster, just your father so why is everyone letting you down? Your tears that had stopped rolling down earlier find their way back on your cheeks again in a second. You’re sick of everything. You’re sick of crying. You’re sick of no one helping you. And more specifically, you’re sick of not having your father.

Mentally tired, you end up laying down on Dean’s bed and you hold the shirt close to you, hoping it’ll bring you some sense of comfort. You keep crying until you finally fall asleep for the first time in weeks.

A light breeze going over your body wakes you up. You open your eyes, not understanding where it comes from and you find yourself on the backseat of Dean’s car. You just have the time to look up when you see the car door opened and your dad telling you to get out of the car. Surprised, you need a second before jumping into his arms. Dean hugs you back and strokes your back while you pay attention to his shoulders moving at the rhythm of his breath to make sure he’s alive. After a few minutes, you break the embrace and Dean drags you so you can lean against the hood of the Impala which is parked in front of the lake. Dean puts his arm around your shoulder while you put your head against his.

“Dad, is this a dream or real? I’m confused, I haven’t found a solution yet so how can you be here? And how did I get in the Impala?”

“Jack must have found a way for us to meet again.” Dean answers, giving you hope, in spite of himself. 

“So, is it all good? You’re safe?”

“No, sweetheart. Jack and Sam were right when they said I didn’t want to be brought back to life.”

“Why, though? You finally had everything you wanted!” you anger, taking a step back from Dean.

“I can’t keep on dying and coming back to life, I had to die for good one day.”

“Yeah, when you’d be old, very old, not now!”

“I wish it could have been later, too, but it is what it is, there’s nothing we can’t do. Y/N/N, I don’t want you to spend your life trying to find a way to bring me back, it always ends badly. I promise you, I regret nothing, I’m fine and I can finally rest. You have to keep living without worrying about me.” he tells you, calmly.

“But I need you, dad.” you retort, shaking your head. “There’s so much I don’t know, there are so many questions I should have asked you about the supernatural, what I’m supposed to do, on how to be and even more questions I haven’t thought about yet. It’s too hard without you.” you say, your voice breaking.

“You’ll be okay, I know you will. You’re a fighter, a Winchester. I’m proud of you and the woman you became, I hope you know that.”

“Uncle Sam told me, yeah.”

“Don’t push him away. He tries his best to support you while respecting what I asked him.” Dean tenderly states.

“You told me you’d never leave me. You promised you’d always be here.”

“And I meant it. I’ll always be by your side even if you don’t see me. I’ll never leave you and when the moment comes, we’ll meet again.”

“I want us to meet again now.” you cry and Dean takes you in his arms.

“I wish we could but we can’t. I’m sorry we didn’t have much time together. I love you, sweetheart, never forget it.”

“I love you, too, dad.” you say before breaking the embrace. “I’ll apologise to Uncle Sam, I shouldn’t have yelled at him.”

“He isn’t mad at you, I’m sure of it. It’ll be okay, don’t worry.” he says, kissing your temple. “Come on, let’s enjoy this moment. Donuts?”

A small smile finds its way to your face as soon as he hands you a donut. You take it and eat it, enjoying this precious moment. Mentally, you thank Jack and apologise to him before focusing back on the lake illuminated by the sunrise until you slowly fall back asleep.

The second you wake up, you’re in Dean’s room again, his shirt next to yours. A single tear streams down your face yet, this time, this tear isn’t only for the pain of losing your dad. This tear is full of sadness, yes, but also of joy as you got one last goodbye. This tear rolls down because you know Dean’s death is still affecting you notwithstanding, he’s right, he can’t be brought back to life and you have to accept it. You know that despite everything, he’s still all around you.

You look at the clock on the nightstand and discover it’s still early and the sun is still rising in the sky. You take one of your dad’s jackets in his closet and leave the bunker with Miracle who woke up when he heard you. Outside, you admire the dawn, your heart pinching in your chest a little. No matter how many sunrises you’ll have to live without Dean, you promise yourself to have at least a day during the week where you’ll wake up early and think about your dad. You want to keep him alive in your head and for this, you want to keep the traditions you had when he was still there.

The day officially started, you grab Baby’s keys and drive downtown, more specifically to the Fire Academy. You enter the building and wait for your turn at the reception. As soon as it’s your turn, the woman tells you to come closer and asks what you need.

“I’d like to apply to be a firefighter, please.”

The woman gives you some information and papers to fill and when she’s done, you thank her and go back to the Impala. Sat on the driver seat, you look at the papers with a bittersweet smile. Though you don’t see Dean, you know he’s here, right next to you, happy to see you officially quit the hunting life and realise your dreams and his.

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