#and all that Dean's overcome
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What I wanted so badly was for Mary to learn about her boys from Cas. Like that night where Cas finds her when she can’t sleep and she expresses that she just doesn’t know anything about her sons since she missed so much?? All I wanted was for Cas to sit down with her at the table and just start telling her about them. Basic stuff at first: their favorite foods, their sleeping habits, the stuff he’s just observed by being their passenger for years.
And then I want him to say something totally Cas, like “Dean always wears more layers but that’s because his body naturally runs two degrees colder than Sam’s. But that’s normal for him and not indicative of any illness, so it’s nothing to worry about.”
And as they talk, it starts to get a little deeper, and Cas tells her more. He tells her about what she missed, about all the horrible things that happened to her sons and how they coped; how it changed them. And he tells her about Sam, he does, but really it ends up being all about Dean.
He’ll tell her about how Dean clenches his fists when he’s upset, even as he tries to keep his face impassive. About how Dean drums his fingers on the steering wheel when he’s anxious. He’ll tell her about Dean’s nightmares, about the ways he’s chosen to cope. He’ll tell her how to know when to approach Dean and when to give him space, how to gently acknowledge what he’s feeling without pushing him too far.
And with every word he says, Mary’s curious head tilt from when she’d seen them hug in reunion turns into a bone deep type of certainty. Because Cas is telling her things that only someone who paid special attention would notice. He’s telling her things that only someone very, very close to her son’s heart would know.
Cas will tell her the cliff notes of what they’ve been through; will tell her how the whole world looked to Dean and he rose to the occasion over and over again. He’ll tell her about Dean’s doubts in himself and then vehemently declare them as wrong and explain, at length, why. He will tell her about the people Dean has loved— the people who loved him like he was their own— and lost. He will tell her about Bobby, Ellen, Jody, Donna, and Charlie. He’ll tell her about Claire, too, and how Dean stepped up.
And the whole time, Mary will have this realization that oh, she may not have been around to guide and protect her sons, but there was always someone there to care for them and support them when they needed it. She will realize that she and John may have left them, but they were never alone.
But more than that, there was someone there for Dean. Someone picking Dean over and over again while Dean picked Sam, or the world, over himself. There was someone fighting for Dean when he wasn’t fighting for himself. There was someone who saw Dean, and loved him unconditionally.
Sitting across from her, at the asscrack of dawn, filling her in on all the things she missed was every mother’s dream: someone who loved her child with the kind of devotion that would break the world. And from the sounds of the stories she was being told, it did break the world. Someone whose love is entirely untainted and comes without any strings attached.
It’s so clear to her as she listens to Cas talk that Cas loves Dean with no expectations. That loving Dean is something he just does, like he doesn’t know how not to love Dean, like the possibility of not loving him never occurred to Cas. He loves Dean in a way that Mary knows can and will soothe Dean’s sharp edges and battered heart. He loves Dean in the kind of pure way that tells Mary that it will continue to endure and overcome everything without ever diminishing, even the littlest amount.
Mary, through tears, will tell Cas how she always told Dean that there were angels watching over him. And before Cas can make some comment about Dean being the Righteous Man and the interest of most of Heaven, she will place a hand over his and give him a motherly look that will convey all the things she’s not sure how to say— and the things she’s not sure Cas is ready to hear yet. And Cas will flush and look away, mumbling about how her son is very special to him.
And when she pulls him into a hug and murmurs thank yous into his shoulder, she will be comforted in the knowledge that her sons turned out to be wonderful men, and that they managed to stay together through everything. She will be comforted to know that no matter what happens, no matter her shortcomings as she tries to fill a role she never meant to leave, Sam will have Dean and Dean will have Cas.
And this time, when Cas tells her that she belongs here, she will believe him. And she will tell him that he belongs here, too.
And when Dean wakes up a few hours later and wanders in to find Mary and Cas still chatting over the table, he’ll be surprised— but pleased— to find Mary looking more at ease. He’ll be pleased when she gives him a warm hug and pats him on the cheek and tell him with all the sincerity that only a mother can muster that she’s glad that he met Castiel. And when Dean agrees, a little confused, Mary will just smile at him.
“I always said I’d like a third son.” She says, “so give him a reason to take our last name, won’t you?”
And Dean will splutter and turn fifteen shades of red as he steadfastly doesn’t look at Cas but mumbles something that suggests he’s not against the idea at all.
And Mary will laugh again and wink at an equally red Cas before heading towards the kitchen like “Cas said waffles are your favorite, so I hope you’re hungry!”
#mary Winchester could have been a good character#and the Mary&Cas friendship could’ve been everything#Mary deserved to learn about her sons from someone who loved them#and she deserved to see how they were never truly alone#like that whole scene I was screaming for Cas to talk to her#Cas helping Mary navigate the stress of situating herself into her boys life could’ve been so powerful#because he had to do that and he’d know#and Dean having cas to keep going to as he tried to cope with his own side of things???#im just saying#this show robbed us of a lot but this is one thing I feel especially bitter to have missed out on#Castiel#dean winchester#mary winchester#spn#supernatural#destiel#deancas
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❝ I WAS ALL OVER HER ❞



⛧𓂃 dean winchester x fem!reader
989 words ノ fluff
summary ⨾ a look into how dean winchester sees you .

dean winchester who has had to fight his whole life— whether its monsters, ghosts, demons, angels and even humans. he’s always been drawn to people who can hold their own and that’s why he’s drawn to you. he admires your strength and the way you handle the crazy, unpredictable supernatural world he lives in. even if you’re fighting alongside him in a hunt or just managing the chaos of his life, he loves how you stay grounded even if everything around you is terrible.
he loves how you stand up to him when he’s being stubborn or when his protective instincts kick in too hard. it’s not about you always being tough, but the way you push back when you need to, showing him you’re not afraid to challenge his methods and ways and to make him see from your perspective, a different perspective.
dean winchester who puts up walls around himself, guarding him from being hurt again. his vulnerabilities stay hidden behind snark remarks, sarcastic comments, and the tough-guy bravado. but you, your the one who can see right past all that even from the first moment you met him. you see all the layers that makes up dean; soldier of heaven, messenger of god, the true vessel of michael. you see the broken pieces of him, the things he doesn’t know how to express, the flaws that make him. that’s what he loves about you. you accept him and you never try to change or fix him. you get him.
he feels a sense of relief when he’s with you, he doesn’t have to pretend to be someone he’s not. you let him be himself, the real and true him, without any judgment and just love, and that’s something he doesn’t usually get from a lot of people. he lets himself be vulnerable with you, knowing you always listen to him even if he’s silent and pushing you away. you’re the one who makes him feel like he doesn’t have to carry the weight of the world on his shoulders all the time.
dean winchester who isn’t used to people sticking around. he’s seen friends and family come and go, from his mother to his father, and even seeing his brother die. sometimes, it makes him feel that he’s destined to be alone in this cruel world. but there’s something about you, something that makes him feel whole. your loyalty to him is unwavering, your willingness to stay by his side no matter the danger. he may joke about it, or even brush it off, but deep down, he’s incredibly grateful and knows he’s lucky to have you in his life.
the guilt of everything he’s done in his life weighs him down, threatening to pull him under, like one small slip and he just disappears. you’re the one person who never gave up on him, anchoring him to this world. one thing that he’ll never admit, he loves that your there, consistently, through everything.
dean winchester whose life is full of mayhem— there’s the blood, the constant hunts and of course, the constant threat of death. and he’s been in it for so long that it’s hard for him to imagine a normal life. you make him feel like there’s something worth living outside of the hunts and saving the world. when he’s with you, everything is different. he can imagine eventually settling down, having children, getting married and all the things normal couples do. whether you’re sharing a meal together in some diner, or settling into some worn out bed in a dingy motel room, you’re his escape from the madness.
dean winchester who isn’t always the best at communicating and even worse at opening up. but you, your someone who challenges him to be better, to think outside his old patters, to overcome unhealthy habits, and to consider things he might not have before. it varies from, pushing him to take a break when he’s running on fumes or it’s encouraging him to heal from his past wounds. you know how to get through to him in a way that no one else can. he respects the fact you call him out on all his crap when its necessary but you also understand when to let him come around on his own.
dean loves the fact you aren’t afraid to stand your ground, especially when it comes to him. he knows he can be a stubborn pain, but you can hold your own against him while still showing him care, even when you don’t agree with him.
dean winchester who has a tough, no-nonsense exterior. he knows the world can be messed up and pretty dark, and it’s rare for him to find someone who holds onto their sense of empathy. he loves how you care about people, how your heart hasn’t hardened by the world’s cruelty. you’ve got a natural way of bringing light into his life without trying, and that’s something he never thought he would find.
in a word full of demons and monsters, he appreciates that you haven’t lost sight of what matters the most; kindness, love and loyalty. you make him remember that there’s still good in this world, and that’s what he clings onto.
dean winchester is a guy who doesn’t always take life seriously, he uses humour as his armour sometimes. and he loves your sense of your humour too, you get his jokes and sometimes you can even one-up him with your own quick wit. he loves the way you can make him laugh, even when he has been to hell and back. this sets you apart from anyone else in his life.
the laughter you two share together, is something dean holds onto. it’s those moments when he truly feels alive. he isn’t just a hunter, or just a survivor— but a guy who is trying to enjoy his life with you. the love of his life.

#𐔌 . ⋮ whisperingdaze .ᐟ ֹ ₊ ꒱#whisperingdaze writing ᝰ.ᐟ#𓍯𓂃𓏧♡ whisperingdaze fics 。𖦹°‧#ime’s drabbles ⟡ ݁₊ . >ᴗ<#ime’s aesthetics ⋆˚ 𝜗𝜚˚⋆#ime blurbs˚˖𓍢ִ໋❀#⛧ dean ── .✦#supernatural#supernatural fluff#dean winchester x you#dean winchester x reader#dean winchester x fem!reader#dean winchester fluff#dean winchester drabble#dean winchester imagine#dean winchester headcanon#supernatural drabble#jensen ackles#jensen ackles x reader#jensen fucking ackles
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He would climb into your room through your window. He would sneak in and climb on top of you, kissing and biting your exposed neck. Your shaky, pleasurable sighs only encouraged him to continue, not caring even if you made too much noise. He ripped your underwear and quickly entered you, grabbing your wrists and forcing you with his gaze to moan for him.
Your pleasurable moans made him fuck you faster and faster against your sheets, overcome with desire for you. Breaking up would still be a very bad decision. The sounds of skin clashing with yours didn't help to be discreet. A particularly deep and unexpected moan from him ended the fun, as he felt that he had filled you with all his seed.
He looked at the clock on the wall and realised that it wasn't too late yet. He, to your surprise, laid down next to you, instead of leaving, as he always did. Maybe he could stay until you fell asleep.
-Billy Loomis, Stu Macher, Jason Dean, Kurt Kunkle, Alex DeLarge, Ticci Toby, Kazutora, Ran Haitani, Rindou Haitani, Hanma, Beyond Birthday (BB)
#implicit romance#A small apology for not uploading anything on Valentine's Day#billy loomis x y/n#billy loomis x you#billy loomis x reader#alex delarge x reader#slashers x reader#slashers x you#slashers x y/n#jason dean x reader#jd x reader#creepypastas x reader#ticci toby x y/n#ticci toby x you#ticci toby x reader#kurt kunkle x reader#beyond birthday x reader#bb x reader#death note x reader#tokyo revengers x you#tokyo revengers x reader#tokrev x you#tokrev x reader#tokrev x y/n#ran haitani x reader#rindou x reader#ran x reader#hanma x reader#hanma x you#ghostface x reader
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Recently finished Swayze’s ‘ghost’ and now I can’t stop thinking about post-Hell Dean, where the reader has his iconic brown leather jacket hanging in her room thinking she’s never gonna see him again but he shows up in her room (in a non creepy way as much as possible lol) and they fuuuuck like old times and she thinks she’s dreaming until she realises it’s actually him (or not lol) but the romanticism is screaming out to me, idk if it’s something you’d be interested in writing but omfg you’d write this so painfully well
ANON!! i LOVE LOVE LOVE this SO much! i’m so honoured that you’ve entrusted me with this idea—i had the time of my life writing this & went a lil wild with it LOL. thank you for your support and kind words, it means the world to me! i hope i did your request justice 🩵
─ ۶ৎ ─
────────── ᝰ bluemerakis ༝༚༝༚ ───



❝ sunshine ❞
─ ۶ৎ ─
pairing ୨୧ dean winchester x fem .ᐟ reader
warnings .ᐟ s4 .ᐟ spoilers, established relationship, dramatic descriptions of grief, cussing, angst, sam being an adorable little angel, nip sucking, unprotected sex p in v, tooth-rotting fluff. lmk if I forgot any.ᐟ if there are typos, no there isn’t
synopsis ─ after dean had sealed the deal that warranted him a one-way ticket to hell, you had no hopes of ever seeing him again. you were overcome with a grief that felt inescapable, but with sam’s help, you’d managed to pull through the storm and enter clearer skies. just when you thought you’d have to navigate a new life without dean, against all odds, he makes an unexpected appearance.
word count ~ roughly 15k
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Four months.
The duration of your ongoing turmoil. The grim tally of his absence.
For four months, you’d been trapped in the stagnant bog of your grief. It had formed the very first night you’d lost him, seizing your mind like a rabid plague. It didn’t matter which way you attempted to swim, or how hard you paddled to try and stay afloat, there was no sure escape from its bottomless depth. It immobilised your existence, broke down your hope—scattered it like falling leaves to be lapped up by the famished surface and swallowed to the point of no return. It was lonely and suffocating, but you’d since given up on waiting for a lifeline to be cast from some land beyond your gloomy horizon, so sure that you’d isolated yourself from any soul kind enough to try.
Except for Sam.
Sam had tried to rescue you many times, but the lines he casted were always too battered—chewed up by the demons of his own grief. And you knew that if you grabbed onto it—where he stood barely clinging to the other end—it would snap and pull him right in. You couldn’t do that to him, so you’d surrendered to the bog entirely, allowing your grief to engulf you into its endless, bone-chilling nothingness. And each day, you sank further and further, like the dead weight of a stone, drifting down into the pits of your despair. Your living, breathing death.
A slow, agonising journey of digestion—your body, mind and soul disseminating into nothing.
Reaching rock bottom hadn’t taken long, not when you’d been left feeling so shallow by the robbery of your life’s meaning. And you’d laid there ever since, slowly deteriorating, slowly drowning. Over and over and over again. You could have said that you were losing every part of yourself, but you hadn’t been whole to begin with, not for a long time—not since losing him.
If he were here, he could have saved you from yourself. But he wasn’t. And you hated him for it.
You hated him. For striking a deal with the devil. For placing his life on the line without a second breath. For lying to you about it. For even thinking that nobody would notice the dead space left behind. There were certain days that tended to plunge that hateful knife—already engrossed in your heart—a little deeper. A day like this morning.
The day that marked the anniversary of Dean Winchester’s death.
On the first day without him, you’d spent your time trying to fight it—forced smiles, laughs of denial, stares that didn’t linger on any of his belongings for too long. But it was hard not to come face to face with his memory when the ghost of his existence seemed to prowl after you at every turn and every corner of the apartment. His favourite coffee mug with an infamous chip on the rim. The frozen, pasty pies he’d crammed the freezer full of. Six packs of canned beers stocked along the pantry’s top shelf. His discarded shoes. His sparse watch collection. The shampoo bottle he’d diluted to last a month longer.
And that damn leather jacket, which currently draped from the frame of your desk chair.
It hung there like a museum exhibit—the memory of Dean Winchester, frozen in time. The jacket he’d left behind on the day he’d slipped your life for good. You hadn’t once touched it. You couldn’t bring yourself to lay your fingers across the leather when there’d be no warmth radiating through its fabric to soothe you—couldn’t face the fact that it’d reflect the cold, empty truth of it all. So there it laid, collecting dust and slowly drowning beneath the suffocating, grey sea without a merciful hand to liberate it. It was a cruel parallel of your own withering state.
Every morning, your eyes would peel through a hollow sleep, and the first thing they’d settle on was that damn jacket. Every. Single. Time. As if you needed the constant recap on top of everything else. You could have mustered up the courage to move it some place else that’d finally warrant the motto out of sight, out of mind. But the naive fool that had created that saying failed miserably at accounting for the woes of the brain. Once scorched into memory, nothing would ever truly be forgotten. You’d remember regardless of where that jacket lay—a curse bound to your life, never to be broken.
Unless you broke first.
You shifted at the heart of your king-sized bed, your head sinking back into your plumy pillow as you gazed up at the ceiling. At anything but that jacket. Your limbs sprawled out between the cotton sheets, taking maximum advantage to voyage the sea of space left at your disposal. While a mattress this large and luxurious should’ve offered you a sense of comfortable freedom, you couldn’t help but mourn all the space—space that at one point, had been occupied by him.
The gentle, golden glare of dawn had begun its steady journey into the room, letting itself in almost shyly through the slits of your curtains. The meek sunbeams sliced through the dim atmosphere you’d found solice within, and you watched as dust particles began to waltz around one another through the bronzed air—as if they’d been cast into the centre of the ballroom. Around and around they swirled in perfect, mirrored harmony. You thought it looked a lot like a courting display—more mental imagery to emphasise your loneliness.
For a second, some faded image—a memory—flashed across your mind. Yourself and Dean, taking to the neglected dance floor of a bar nearing its closing time. A half-emptied beer bottle clutched in his one hand as his other linked with yours, serving as the leash that dragged your protesting form to its debut on the dance floor.
You’d never been too confident in your dancing skills, a fact you’d tried many times to disclose, but Dean had been insistent. Somewhere behind you, Sam had whooped from the comfort of the booth you’d both discarded, and when you’d glanced back at the younger Winchester, he had his beer-adorned hand raised into the air as a cheer. You’d scoffed with a heavy thanks for nothing.
When you’d turned back to Dean, he’d drawn up in his tracks without any prior warning, causing you to crash not-so-elegantly into his torso. Instinctively, your free palm had lurched forward to cradle his chest in a steadying motion, your chin tilting up to grace him with a stunned giggle.
The drink he’d throttled in his other hand sloshed with the jolt, foam tumbling over the nozzle’s edge like a provoked volcano’s tantrum. It slathered his fingers and trickled to the floor, adding fresh patterns to the aged, sticky blotches already scattered amidst the young night.
“Woah, easy there, tiger,” he’d laughed, but the hand that’d dragged you here released your fingers only to form a seductive curve at the small of your back. There, he’d pulled you in even closer, his lips closing in on you with the promise of a love-sick kiss. But instead, his jaw had dipped past your temple, lips grazing your cheekbone before hovering at your ear. “There’s nuff o’ me to go ‘round without you jumpin’ ship for the first spot,” he husked. You’d practically felt the grin spreading his lips.
You’d ducked your head away from his with a hearty huff. “Down, boy,” you’d scoffed, hands trailing up his chest to crown either shoulder with a natural ease. The touch had been smooth, magnetic. And maybe you two were like magnets, utterly obsessed with being intangible, and eager to keep on exploring every inch of one another with a shifting touch rather than be torn apart.
Dean’s eyes had lowered to the naughty line you’d drawn to his shoulders, the grin he’d taken up deepening enough to suction his cheeks into the dimples you’d come to adore. When he’d acquainted your eyes again, it was through a heavy-lidded stare that promised all sorts of activities to reciprocate your tantalising touch. “Oh, I’ll get down, alright,” he’d chuckled hoarsely, leaving the line open to interpretation as he brought his beer to his lips. He’d downed a slow, deliberate sip, his eyes not once straying from yours as he watched you mentally decipher his words.
“You know what? Enough of your games,” you’d laughed, hands slipping from his chest to forsake the dance floor before you’d have a chance to make it regret hosting you. You’d attempted to turn tail and flee, but Dean’s hand had found your wrist in a firm, yet gentle tug, and then you were held prisoner under those hypnotising eyes once more. Your lips had split to offer some final protest, but his own lips puckered into a shushing pout that had you clamping down on your tongue.
“Don’t say anythin’, just dance with me,” he’d instructed, and then the hand tethering you to him lifted, your arm following the motion like a chain effect. Against your will, you were spun around in an awkward, off-timed circle that deviated abominably from the background music. When you came to face him once more, his chest had rattled with a laugh a little too passionate for your liking. “That was adorable—like a toddler learnin’ she’s got the gears but don’t quite know which she’s shiftin’.”
Your cheeks had seared hot at that comment, free hand diving forward to shove his chest lightly. “Stop—I warned you!” You’d simpered.
“Hey!” He’d laughed, beer-occupied hand lifting in a gesture of innocence. “I’m only playin’! You’ll get the hang o’ it—I’ll teach ya. Watch.” Your hand lifted under his guidance as he executed his own spin—even more sprawled and ridiculous than yours had been. Your free hand had flown to cradle your mouth as a disbelieved chortle blared through, and as Dean came to face you once more, his brows were lifted in question. “Eh? I’m a natural, yeah?”
You’d giggled into your palm again before dropping your hand back to your side, lips pursing with amusement. “Let’s just say that I don’t think either of us should be teaching the other,” you’d huffed through a pained smile.
Dean lowered your joined hands to the space between you. “Well,” he’d begun, pulling you into his frame once more, like he just couldn’t get enough of your presence—like he wanted it to hog him. “Guess we just gotta. . . y’know, feel this one out together,” he’d murmured suggestively, eyes narrowing with cheek while he released your hand to settle into its natural hold at the small of your back.
You’d leaned your smirk-heavy lips closer to his with a content hum, your hands coming to wrap around his neck. “Sounds like a plan. I’ll follow if you lead.” He’d grinned approvingly at that, tugging you along to a slow and steady sway of the bodies, which you’d succumbed to and harmonised with in no time—much to your surprise.
“Sammy!” Dean had called to his younger brother, his eyes not once straying from yours as he presented his beer in the direction of the booth. “All yours for the takin’.” He’d paused to steal a glance at your beaming lips. “I got my own special o’ the night.”
You’d laughed at that, and Dean’s charm had grown all the more potent as he stretched out the dance between the two of you for what felt like a good couple of hours. In the background, the music in bad taste had blared on, ever so eager to cheapen the moment between the two of you, but you’d become so enthralled with one another that all else around you was drowned out, anyway.
Both his hands had selfishly hoarded your lower back, pressing you so far into him that you’d stumbled around his feet more times than you’d have liked to admit. But you’d remained steadied by the hands furled around his neck, and comforted by the gentle, reciprocated press of your foreheads, gazing into the sanctuary of one another’s eyes.
If you’d known then, in that moment, that Dean Winchester was going to die, you’d have held onto him a little longer—and probably never have let go. Even if it killed you, too.
With a heavy, rattled rise of your chest, you came back to your grim present, drawing in a long and shaky breath. You shifted between the sheets to roll onto your side, arm coming up beneath the underside of your pillow to cradle it like an emotional support teddy. You tuned your attention to your curtain-clad windows, and like a corpse, you continued to rot away within your coffin of a mattress, watching idly as the sun continued to announce its ascent.
It wasn’t long before warm golds drained into a paler shades that fully lit your room now—the official statement of a new day. But still, you didn’t stir. The curtains remained cast, the windows crammed closed as tightly as they’d been left about a week ago, and your soul feeling anything but renewed to tackle this heavy day head on.
Somewhere beyond your wall, footsteps thrummed lightly down the hallway. Now and again, you’d let yourself believe that they belonged to Dean, on his way to brew you both a morning cuppa—just to offer some pathetic, fleeting slither of comfort. But nothing—nobody could ever fill those shoes left behind. It hadn’t stopped Sam from trying, though.
Before Dean’s. . . disappearance, the brothers had stayed together in the larger room of your two-bedroom apartment—nothing like reliving the good old times, right? It didn’t much bother either one of them, given that Dean had slept in your bed on most nights, leaving the space feeling basically like Sam’s own. The dynamic between you all worked well, and it was practical for a hunter’s lifestyle. Costs were cut, perimeters familiarised and mapped out, and the shared company between you all was reliable. Trustworthy.
You’d become a blended family of some sort. You didn’t think there was any external force that could’ve torn you all apart. But you hadn’t accounted for an inside job. Hadn’t accounted for the weak link that was you.
After Dean’s death, you’d gone into a self-destructive spiral, eager to push anybody and everybody away while you feigned bravery. But Sam had clocked you like an open book, and it made him the hottest target of your impulsive ire.
You couldn’t stand looking at the younger Winchester, how he served as a constant reflection of your own grief—the grief you’d tried so hard to drown out. You knew you should have bonded with him over your shared loss, and the younger Winchester had tried everything to utilise that angle to be there for you, but it’d only made you push back harder. You half expected him to walk out after the first week, but you’d forgotten how deep-rooted stubborness ran within the Winchester bloodline.
Sam had continued to stick around. Why was beyond you. You could have argued that it was because he’d come to love you like a sister, but you couldn’t help the feeling that Dean had made him promise to look out for you, should he ever bite the dust. And it made you hate him more. Because if it were the latter, it meant that Dean had always intended to stay en route on the sacrificial pathway you’d tried countless times to swerve him from. And it meant that loving you hadn’t been reason enough for him to become sidetracked.
If only he’d held out a little longer and put off making that damned deal, you could have continued searching for a solution that didn’t end with either of the Winchesters’ deaths. But deep down, you knew that fate hadn’t written that ending down in any of her books. That continuing to skim page after page would have done nothing but waste minutes paid in blood. Deep down, you knew that Dean had no other choice, but it didn’t make you hate him any less for choosing it.
The faint clanking of utensils transcended the walls, indicating that Sam had worked himself into the kitchen. It was like a routine now. Every morning, the same time. You thought he might’ve craved some taste of control over his life by instilling this morning pattern he now followed so religiously.
You envied how well he seemed to hold himself together, despite it being his blood that had passed on. It made you feel invalidated in all your mourning. After all, if he could move on from the loss of his brother, whom he’d known all his life, why couldn’t you move on from a man you’d known for a pitiful number that paled in comparison?
As they so often did, your thoughts rampaged for a while longer, so eager to hold you captive between the sheets. But eventually, you felt the pit of neglect burrowed into your stomach gape wider, something that you couldn’t ignore any longer.
Your head turned to glimpse the plates you’d stacked atop the bedside table over the last few days. Almost all of them held meals that you’d scarcely picked at, meals Sam had cooked you, and they were starting to smell. It wasn’t doing much to help encourage the full return of your appetite. But still, you had to eat—something fresher, of course.
Eventually, you mustered up the courage to stir and shed the sheets, your week-old pyjamas falling limp around your frame as you shovelled your weight onto wilted legs. You stood for a moment, taking in this new pull of gravity, before angling yourself toward the door.
At the corner of your eye, it beckoned to you. You shouldn’t have looked, shouldn’t have given it the attention it so desperately craved, but how could you stand steadfast when you were crippled with the need to reminisce him during every waking moment? So you buckled, like you always did, and turned to glance over the waiting leather jacket.
It beamed a little brighter this time around, illuminated by the sun’s pale touch. It looked almost angelic, and you could have sworn that new life had been bestowed upon it—like a reincarnation. But no matter how long you stared, no body seemed to materialise between its hold to glorify that hope. Still no Dean Winchester to show for it.
So much for having faith.
With a barely audible scoff, you finally tore your gaze away and trudged toward your bedroom door. You reached for the handle, fingers hovering over the cool metal as you took a moment to think about what’d you say to Sam. Starting with an apology would probably be ideal, followed up by a looping string of thank yous for everything he’s done. You swallowed thickly before tightening your hold, the mechanism clicking open with a brash sound that cut through your senses. And then, like a ghost, you neglected your grave and slunk into the hallway.
When you traipsed into the open-plan apartment on light, reluctant feet, your eyes wandered over to the kitchen at the corner, where Sam had already made himself comfortable at the hot lip of the stove. His back was turned on you, but you caught the whisk of his arms as he executed an impressive flip of something within the skillet. It landed with a muffled thump, a result that had Sam hissing out a noise of satisfaction.
A shy, smoky ghost levitated above the Winchester, and it wasn’t long before the cracked kitchen window wafted a clue in your direction—the sweet tang of pancakes tickling your nose. Usually, it was a smell that had you inhaling a little deeper, like you couldn’t miss savouring even a scrap of its existence. Now, the smell roused nothing other than a faint reminder of just how much you didn’t crave breakfast. Or anything, for that matter. But still, duty called. More like your stomach would begin eating itself if you insisted on starving it for a day longer.
With a practiced breath of bravery, you picked your way past the living room sofas, your sock-clad feet scuffling across the floor with a severe lack of motivation. As you approached the kitchen island, you spotted a can of sweetened whipped cream—your favourite—and a bowl of berries straddling the plated, ever-growing stack of pancakes. It was the complete picture your stomach needed to enlist the first of its rumbling, but you hadn’t had much of a mental appetite for quite some time. The simple joy you’d once held for eating had been boiled down to the dull necessity of sustenance—you ate only because your body needed fuel. Anything more than that just wasn’t worth feeling.
And, truthfully, it was a baffling, new reality because there was a time you'd have nagged the boys to drive you halfway across the country to try some new cuisine you'd seen advertised across billboards. You’d scribble down the names of the niche diners and renowned restaurants in your trusty notebook to be reviewed on the trips back to the motels, heated debates unfolding as the brothers either vouched for or condemned your idea of a good meal. Now, the memories were so distant that you'd started to wonder whether they'd even existed. Whether that version of you still existed.
You brought up the rear of one of the kitchen chairs, moving a hand to cradle your protesting stomach while the other outstretched to retract the chair at the rim. The sudden, intrusive screech of wood against wood was enough to startle Sam into a growing awareness of his surroundings. He pivoted on his heels to face you, the pan making a reflexive dive in your direction in what was meant to be some pitiful means of a defence. The white of his eyes blared through, his tall frame ducking slightly as he assumed a defensive position.
Your composure didn’t falter as you slunk into the seat; his reaction wasn’t any surprise, not when you lead the adrenaline-laced life of a hunter forced to guard their six on a daily. And you doubted he’d expected any company after you’d basically stopped existing outside of your room these last couple of days—and at this early hour, no less.
What did surprise you, though, was that the pancake had managed to cling to the metal of the skillet in the midst of his jolt.
As Sam drank in your familiar form, his broad shoulders sagged visibly under his growing relaxation, the vice grip he’d unintentionally taken up around the pan’s handle now relenting an inch.
“Oh,” he stuttered out, a flustered half-chuckle diffusing his misplaced adrenaline. He slunk toward the island with his head slightly bowed, his gaze flickering between you and the pan. “Hey,” he murmured, his lips pursing shortly after the meek sound, as though he were afraid to let the wrong words slip. His caution wasn’t misplaced; you hadn’t exactly been kind to him these last few days.
It usually went that way around this time of the month. The days stepping up to the anniversary of Dean’s death tended to trip you right into the worst vision of yourself. You were more sullen than usual, losing patience over minuscule things, and sinking jaws of hostility into anybody who’d even attempted to offer hollow words of comfort.
Bobby had been the first to withdraw with some muttered crap of I’m too old for this shit. But Sam had always been too forgiving. He’d stuck around regardless of your temper, taking all the verbal beatings while he tended to your unspoken needs in ways that you couldn’t. You owed him so much more than you were capable of giving at this time.
You leaned onto the cool marble of the island, your hands coming forward in a timid fold as your lips flattened into a pathetic spectacle of a smile. “Hey, Sam,” you murmured, and for a second, the sound startled you. It was so dull, so lifeless—you’d even go so far as to say that it was so unlike you.
It was a stark contrast to the version of yourself the brothers had learnt to tolerate, maybe even appreciate—constant chatter and running commentary streaming live from the backseat of the impala. Dean had gone so far as to nickname you sunshine and rainbows, trailing after the twin storm clouds—the Winchesters—that seemed to thunder down on the unassuming world. But now, you felt like nothing more than the rolling, gloomy skies that paved way for everything wet, woeful and destructive. A weather so devastating that a show of a rainbow would be a mockery rather than a promise.
Sam returned your smile almost sheepishly, his head dipping to drink in the view of the counter. “You, uh. . . you sleep alright?” He asked, the pan coming forward to leer you over as he tipped the metal downwards and crowned the seasoned stack of pancakes with the fresh newcomer.
Your eyes lowered to the newest addition of the pancake pile, following the faint trails of heat that seemed to rise with a freedom and lightness you craved to feel. “Yeah,” you lied, your lower lip instantly pulled into a tense bite. “Yeah, I slept. . . fine.”
You knew that Sam wasn’t convinced, the moment of silence following after evidence of some tactic he might’ve been mentally reviewing to try and coax the truth from you. You began tracing a line along the patterns of the marble counter with your index finger, anticipating the awkward conversation to come.
“Come on, really?” He laughed softly, but the sound was gentle and sympathetic, not slathered with amusement or scorn. “‘Cause I didn’t,” he confessed.
You glanced up at him in surprise, your finger halting in its place. “Really?” You breathed out softly, instant relief crashing over you. Maybe Sam hadn’t recovered as much as you thought he had, and as unfortunate as that was, you couldn’t help but feel slightly comforted—less alone.
He tipped his head to the side in consensus, a wry scoff piercing his lips. “Honestly? Can’t remember the last time I did,” he said, eyes flickering up to glance you over briefly before he turned his back on you to discard the pan at the sink. He slid over to the stove, flicking buttons and shifting dishes before he was back at the island. “I mean, I sleep—but just. . . not very well.” He took up a spatula and began shovelling at the pancake stack. “One?” He asked intuitively.
“One’s perfect,” you said. You watched as he dragged the rim of the spatula down the building of pancakes, stopping somewhere around the middle floor before he slid the utensil inward. He shimmied out a hot and fluffy pick, placing it onto your plate rather gingerly before he nudged it in your direction. “Thanks, Sam,” you murmured, receiving it with a forced show of eagerness—you didn’t want your lack of an appetite to make things more personal than they already felt.
“Yeah, anytime,” he answered, sparing you a soft smile before he took to plating his own stack of three.
You held off on digging into your singular pancake, hands idling around the knife and fork bracketing your plate as you waited for the younger Winchester to cover up the remainder of the breakfast.
With a satisfied dusting of his palms, he finally pushed his own plate across the marble to slide in a distance beside yours before he made his way around the island. He pulled out the seat beside you and settled himself down with a heavy plop and an appreciative grunt—almost like an old man of some sorts.
He took up his cutlery and glanced over at you with a comforting smile. “Time to, uh. . . dig in, I guess,” he laughed lightly. “There’s whipped cream and berries if you’d like.” His chin jutted to the listed toppings, and then his knifed hand jolted into the air suddenly. “Oh, and there’s syrup, too. I’ll fetch it from the pantry.”
Without waiting for your response, he set down the cutlery and shifted back in his chair, but you turned your body a slither to face him before he could slip away as quickly as your nerve.
“Sam, wait,” you said, your hands straying from the table to bundle in your lap in an anxious toying of fingers.
He halted in place almost instantly, turning to face you with his brows quirked an inch—like your sudden unrest was news to him. But you knew he was only trying to be polite in playing his attentive part; he likely knew exactly what this was about. “Yeah?”
You drank in his softened eyes, and they held so much purity and innocence that it caused your heart to sag with a fresh, guilt-ridden heaviness. It tugged your head down to the view of your lap, your chest heaving with a shuddering inhale. “I’m so sorry,” you blurted out, your voice rattled by so much regret that it began to quiver.
At the edge of your vision, you saw Sam settle back into his seat, arms drawing onto the counter. “Hey,” he cooed gently. “It’s oka—”
“No, it’s not okay,” you cut in hastily. “I need to say this. I’m sorry for everything—for the way I acted. . . for the things I said—you didn’t deserve any of it, Sam.” You began picking at the skin of your nails. “I just, I have all this. . . anger inside of me. I’m angry at myself, and I’m angry at Dean—I’m angry at everything cause everything’s just so fucking unfair. And I know that it’s not an excuse, but I just. . . I figured. . . I don’t know. There’s a lot I don’t know,” you scoffed, but you braved face and lifted your head to face him once more. “But I do know that I am truly, deeply sorry.”
Sam’s head lowered to take in the view of his plate, his eyes darting about the porcelain. “Listen,” he eventually murmured, his mouth stuttering around air as he searched for the right words. Eventually, he settled on grace. “I get it, okay?” His chin lifted to gift you with a break you didn’t think you deserved. “All that anger inside of you. . . I’ve felt it before—more than I’d like to admit, actually,” he laughed dryly before his expression warped into something more solemn. “It eats you up inside. . . makes you say and do things you wouldn’t usually say or do. There are so many times I’ve gone down that road, but Dean—he’s always been there to pull me back, even if it was by the tip of my ear.” He laughed again, this time more genuine, and you couldn’t help but crack a smile of your own.
Sam’s head lowered again, his smile simmering away. “Anyway, I guess what I’m tryna say is that, I get it. I get why you said the things you did, and I’m not mad about it. For once, I don’t feel that anger anymore.”
Slowly, your fingers began to still their fidgeting as you listened to him talk, your chest cooperating by letting up on its rapid pace.
The younger winchester upturned his eyes to yours with a new ferocity. “I’m here for you. I’m always gonna be here for you—and not just because I owe Dean that much, but because you’ve been there for me, too. So many times. Even at my. . .” He trailed off as he averted his gaze to the side, some unspoken shame breaching his conscious. You saw his Adam’s Apple bop under a heavy swallow before he turned back to you. “Even at my worst,” he continued. “So. . . don’t worry about it, really. I get it.”
For the first time in a long time, you found your eyes watering an emotion other than grief and heartbreak—something far lighter and rejuvenating. Love. Appreciation. Relief. You envied Sam’s ability to barrel through this cruel life so determined to pin him down, and you admired how each time, he seemed to emerge with a heart even larger than before. Even after all the rounds you’d emptied into his chest, he stood tall, still offering that hand you so desperately needed to pull you from your self-dug trenches.
Maybe, it was about time you finally took it.
The first tear slipped the keep of your eye, jettisoned from the ledge of your cheekbone to where it splattered across the marble top. Your hand flew to wipe the moisture away, an ugly sniff racking your chest. There was a clank of shifting metal before Sam’s hand came forward to brush your shoulder.
“Hey,” he cooed softly, and then you were carefully tugged into the side of his towering frame. “Come here,” he urged, and he was so gentle that it had you fully succumbing to his hold without a single reflexive need to resist. His arm snaked around your shoulder blades to hook around your arm as he drew you into a tight hug, your hands bundling further into your lap. “It’ll be okay. We’ll get through this. Together,” he added pointedly, a clear warning that he didn’t intend to let you get your lonely way again. You were okay with that.
Your lower lip began quivering with fresh emotion—guilt bouncing on the rim the heaviest. “I’m so sorry, Sam,” you reiterated.
Your felt his chin settle into the crown of your head, the vibration bouncing off your hair. “For what? Being human?” He laughed. “In case you haven’t noticed, we tend to be dicks from time to time, and I’d say hunters have more right than most to be a bigger one now and again.”
You laughed—actually laughed at that, the sound snotty and slightly gross, but real. Sam harmonised with his own throaty chuckle, the hand furled around your arm in a tight, reassuring grip relenting to rub comforting lines up and down the expanse.
“Now, enough of the pity party. Let’s finish these pancakes before they get cold, and then what do you say we pull out a couple of board games?” He gave you one last comforting squeeze before slowly releasing you from the hug.
You leaned away from him, centring your weight back over your own chair as you turned your head down to your plate with a thoughtful pout. “Okay,” you agreed, your chin ducking in tiny, accepting nods. You sniffed away the lingering tears, hand coming up to pat your eyes one last time for good measure. Then, your head swivelled to face him as you put on a weak smile. “Hey—think you’re smart enough to challenge me to a game of scrabble?”
Sam laughed as though your challenge was satire, but you frowned with slight offence, which sobered his smile into a look of confusion. “Wha—you’re serious?” He huffed, jaw gaped around disbelief.
“And why wouldn’t I be?” You exclaimed, your voice cracking around a light giggle—the first you’d uttered in a while. “I’m as smart as you are—we read the same books!”
His averted his gaze, head cocking to the side with a scoff before he glanced back at you in amusement. “Yeah, and after you gave your reports, I had to go back and reread every single one of those books to fill in information you left out,” he said pointedly.
You shook your head with light disbelief, a thin chuckle following after. “You know what? Let’s have that round, and if you win, you can bullshit my literacy skills all you like. Deal?” You outstretched your hand across the counter.
Sam’s gaze ducked to the gesture, his brows cocking on a look that you thought was a little too smug, before his hand reached to link with yours in an informal pact. “Deal,” he said through a scheming smirk.
You squeezed his hand lightly as a warning. “Wipe that douche-display off your lips, nothing’s set in stone.”
“Yeah, no, of course,” he replied nonchalantly, but when your hands unlinked, you saw the corner of his mouth hitch with some mental remark.
“All right, that’s it.” You took up your utensils while Sam glanced you over with slight surprise. You began digging into your pancake with a renewed sense, plopping the first piece into your mouth and taking on a ferocious chew. There was a brief wave of nausea at the food’s sudden intrusion before it quickly dissipated at the sweet taste, beckoning you back for another bite.
“You might wanna slow down there,” he laughed, hands tending to his own plate before they finally presented his first bite to his lips with far more poise.
“Uh uh,” you hummed through a mouthful, swallowing thickly before continuing. “I got a lot riding on this. You made it personal when you brought my ego into this. Sooner we’re done here, sooner I can beat you.”
Sam let out a disbelieved laugh, but didn’t argue any further as he began dissembling his own pancakes at a faster rate. Once you’d both lapped down the dough and licked the plates clean, you’d taken to washing up the dishes and wiping down the counters while Sam procured the board games that had long since collected dust. You’d taken the liberty of microwaving you both a bowl of popcorn and pouring glasses of soda while he set out the game within the living room. Then, you both settled down for the first round, snacks at the ready.
Sam had won, as he’d so smugly anticipated. But you weren’t so eager to be humiliated without a challenge, so for the rest of the day, you’d played out the game to a tally of the most wins. Hours seemed to pass like the impression of a second, the apartment growing dimmer and dimmer with each trailing retreat of the sun.
Eventually, you were both cast in a saturated bronze that poured in through the living room windows, illuminating the score page you’d scribbled up and further glorifying Sam’s final win. He took the game by far, and you were forced to acknowledge that maybe he was the smarter one of you both. Or at least the more apt thinker.
After that, you’d both powered through a movie of his choice, chowing down on some Chinese takeout he’d had delivered. And you emptied the carton down to the last noodle, appeasing the appetite you’d developed somewhere throughout the day. Already, you felt so much lighter—physically and mentally—and you knew that you owed it all to Sam and his perseverence. You couldn’t help but beam with some newfound appreciation for the younger Winchester.
Through the darkness, the tv screen emitted just enough light to illuminate Sam’s side profile. His eyes were glued to the screen, jaw circulating hasty chews as he practically inhaled his second bowl of popcorn. The sight made you shake your head with light amusement, and you watched him a little longer just for the sake of it.
“Hey, Sam?” You eventually called, which made him face you with a look of sudden concern.
His hand halted within his bowl. “Yeah?”
“Thank you. For today—for everything.” You offered him a warm, appreciative smile. He’d given you something you desperately needed today—a distraction. From everything and most definitely from yourself. Debts like those didn’t feel possible to repay, but you’d try, regardless. As long as it took.
Sam took a moment to drink in your words, his features motionless before his brows furrowed like he’d made nothing of your gesture. “Yeah, no problem,” he answered, a smile to match yours following shortly after. You both turned your attention back to the screen, and for the rest of the movie, you sat in comfortable, popcorn-tinged silence.
Once the movie came to an end, you’d both chatted about anything and everything until the first person let a yawn slip—that person being you. After that, you’d both tidied up the space, folded the blankets and packed the games back into their keep. Then, you’d dipped into your room to gather your old dishes, discarding the food and washing up the plates. Sam had helped pack it all away.
Once the day’s chores were wrapped up, you’d both exchanged your nightly greetings before going your separate ways. Sam retreated back to his room, though not without snagging a thick book from the shared reading shelf. You’d briefly slipped into your own room to pull out a fresh set of pyjamas and a towel before dipping your toes into a much needed shower.
Once you felt you’d scrubbed off enough of your week-long rot, you’d slunk from the shower and back to your room to call it a day. When you clicked the door closed behind you, you hovered on the spot with a hearty sigh into the dim atmosphere. You took a moment to reflect on the day, and for once, it provoked a smile—not sadness, not anger, not grief—but a genuine smile. The relief after the storm.
You flicked on the light and dressed yourself into your fresh set of clothes, teeth brushed and hair secured back before you flicked the lights off and sank into your bed with a new type of exhaustion. A fulfilling one. It wasn’t long before sleep arrived to hurl you into vivid dreams, and not unlike other times, you dreamt of Dean.
Within your bed, he had you bare and sprawled out beneath his own nude figure, his lips wandering gentle, curious trails along the side of your jaw before dipping down the ledge to trawl the arch of your neck. His elbows propped him up on either side of your head as he took his time to lovingly brand you with his wet caress, your own hands combing blissful strokes through his hair.
You sank back into your pillow, lips parting with breathy mewls as he shifted his attention down to your breasts. He moved to cup one tenderly, tongue swirling a loop around the hardened bud, his strained moan sprawling into the mix of stimulation as you tightened your hold within his hair.
“Dean,” you exhaled weakly, for no reason other than to verbalise the unorthodox way he made you feel. Your teeth found your lower lip in a restrained nibble as he acknowledged your absent-minded praise with a gentle kneading of your breast—as if he sought to gorge on it to the point of total devouring.
You felt the blood flow vigorously to your chest, spurred onward by the suctioning of his lips, and it pooled at your nipple, causing it to throb within his hold. You let slip a soft noise of discomfort, your hand collapsing from his hair to gently push him back at the collarbone.
Dean’s head lifted to yours, a slight pant wafting from his glistening lips. “All good there, sunshine?” He murmured, hand slipping from your breast to run a light, reassuring finger across your cheek. He smudged away the moisture beading along your skin before settling his thumb in the divot of your chin.
“Too much,” you breathed through a dazed grin, hand coming up to gently wrap around his wrist. “You’re like a leech,” you added with a soft giggle.
His lips thinned in a proud smirk, encouraged by your tease rather than offended. “Damn right I am—have you tasted you? Freakin’ delicious,” he praised, smacking his lips in a dramatic show and tell. It made you giggle and release his wrist to pin his lips between your thumb and index finger, and you held them captive while he mumbled noises of protest. He looked so ridiculous, it warmed your heart.
“Stop that!” You laughed, your cheeks flushing hot at the silly sight of him.
Dean wiggled his lips between your grasp until he was able to wrap his lips around a finger, nibbling your skin tenderly so that you released a light squeal and pulled away from his famished lips. “Stop what?” He mocked lightheartedly, head lowering down to you as he followed after your retreating hand with a determined grin playing his lips.
Your hands flew to your chest in a pretence of helplessness, your giggles elevating to a heartier laugh as he pretended to chase after them. His teeth acquainted the air all around them with animated chomps, but made no good on the promise. Eventually, he gave up the hunt and pressed his lips to the side of your jaw, gradually tracing his way up to the soft curve of your cheek before he drew back an inch to gaze into your eyes.
“My sunshine,” he said softly, adoringly, leaning down to nuzzle the button of your nose with his own before he placed a soft kiss there.
Your heart trilled love-struck melodies around Dean’s proud declaration, the magnitude of your smile hoisting up the apples of your cheeks until your eyes were compressed into half-moons. “Say it again,” you murmured, palms drifting up to frame his face and thumbs twiddling to soothe the humps of his cheeks.
Your touch set Dean’s composure alight, his sultry stare softening into something more pure and needy. His eyes narrowed as he gazed down at you, as though you had captured his complete and undivided attention. You found yourself getting so wrapped up in their green depths that for a second, it felt like you couldn’t breathe.
“You’re my sunshine,” he repeated in a voice so low and soft that it bordered a husky whisper, but the love imbued into those words carried through as clear as a shout. “I don’t care if that sounds like the title of a Jane Austen novel. You’ve got this. . . fire to you, the kind that nobody—nothin’ can gank. And you draw people into your orbit like they’d never stood a damn chance. Trust me, I sure as hell didn’t,” he laughed, both his hands coming up as a unit to brush back the hair framing your face. “And you’re warm. . .” He trailed off to place a kiss on your cheek, “—and radiant—” and then the other. “And my whole goddamn universe.”
You gazed at him as he pulled away from your proximity, his eyes brimming with love as he waited for your response. What you wanted to say was, “I knew you read Jane Austin in your free time!”, a harmless poke that would keep this tender moment elevated at meaningful heights. Then you’d both share a laugh, and melt into the night cocooned within each other’s warmth.
But deep down, something more solemn tugged at the strings of your heart—an unanswered question that slowly began to resurface despite your attempt to bury it time and time again. So instead, you said, “then how could you leave me?”
Dean’s face warped into a light frown, your question catching him off guard. For a few seconds, he did nothing but stare, his lips parting to search for an answer that you’d waited months to hear. But when he looked as though he might finally answer, no sound carried through to lay your suspense to rest. His mouth gaped and his lips moved, but they formed nonsensical words, and no matter how hard you tried to focus and decipher your most craved confession, it never came to you.
Then, the scene around you began to distort, the lights cutting out and the shapes of the room’s decor warping erratically. And when you blinked, Dean had disappeared entirely—his atoms scattered into the cosmos of your mind. You tried to call out to him, to summon him back to his rightful place beside you, but it seemed as though he were destined to be robbed from the palm of your hands—both in the waking world, and in the confines of your own mind.
And then you, in your entirety, were dissolved into a black abyss, the surroundings melting away like you’d imagined it all in a vivid episode of mania. For a moment, you floated around in a void, your mind slowly dissociating from the fantasies of its own creation. You heard nothing, saw nothing, but somehow, you felt a touch lingering upon your arm. It was warm, familiar, and even though no face materialised to claim it, you knew that it was Dean.
You prepared yourself to mourn the loss of it once you emerged into the waking world, but as your eyes fluttered open, your lids blinking frantically to clear your vision, the touch didn’t fade. If anything, it became more palpable, solid—real. And when you’d adjusted enough to the dawn haze shrouding your room, it wasn’t the image of the leather jacket that arrived first to taunt you.
It was Dean.
You blinked harder, more desperately, your heart rate skyrocketing as you attempted to rationalise whatever fucked up delusion your exhausted mind was currently displaying you. But his body didn’t vaporise into nothingness, and blinking didn’t seem to possess the same parlour trick of making the rabbit disappear, like it did in your dreams.
It was real.
There he sat, as stoic as a statue, at the edge of your mattress, and the hand you’d felt cupping your arm stroked up the curve of your shoulder to gently frame your neck. The contact sent a shiver up your spine, your lips falling open to expel a shaky breath.
It can’t be, you thought, your brows contracting in a puzzled frown. He’s dead—he’s in hell, he can’t be here.
Through the dawn gloom, you could make out the faintest stretch of his lips—an almost simper. “Good mornin’, Sunshine.” But you didn’t recognise the voice. It was low, gruff and abraded, like his vocal cords had been extracted and sent through the grinder before being forcibly shoved back into its compartment. And he sounded dull, the type of dull you’d come to embody in his absence. It was. . . anything but Dean Winchester.
Your lower lip began to quiver, your shoulder drawing into yourself as you shied away from his touch. “This isn’t real,” you choked out, hastily collecting yourself onto your elbows as you sought to put some distance between you two. “You’re not real!” You exclaimed in rising volume, which had the impersonator stretching out both his hands in a steadying motion.
“You’ll wake Sammy,” he whispered urgently—a harsh sound that came across as more of a scold.
You frowned as you inched yourself a fraction across the mattress, eager to reach the end opposite to where he sat. “Who are you?” You demanded in a tone more regulated, your hand subtly reaching behind you to grab ahold of the salt container you kept on the bedside table like a framed picture.
Dean’s eyes seemed to follow your not-so-subtle play with dry amusement. “It’s me,” he insisted gruffly, his hands coming to settle on his knees—and one of them bounced with unspoken thoughts. It was a habit you’d come to recognise since knowing him, and it did a fraction of a favour in vouching for his authenticity. “It’s Dean,” he continued, eyes straying from your hands to settle onto your face.
“No,” you refused, and behind you, your fingers grabbed ahold of the salt. “Dean Winchester died—four months ago,” you explained in a low, but no less stern voice. “So I’m going to ask you again—who are you?”
His nostrils seemed to flare with dwindling patience, his eyes flickering off to the side. “Man, paranoia’s one son o’a bitch,” he scoffed under his breath before turning to face you again. “Listen, I know you’re not gonna believe me. And I also know that you’re about to baptise me with a shit ton o’ salt to barbecue the livin’ crap outta whatever demon you think’s got his hand stuck up my ass.” He began reaching into his shirt pocket. “Now, as much as I’d love to swallow a mouthful of killer blood pressu—” his words were cut short as you tossed a handful of salt in his direction, the mound not shying away from taking a bold dip in his mouth.
The assault dealt no physical damage to his body, but it did earn a passionate look of annoyance from Dean, whose jaw slowly circumducted as his tongue began shovelling the salty hell from his mouth. You scrutinised him for a few seconds longer, not so eager to let down your guard because of one passed test.
“You’re not a demon?” You asked more than stated.
His jaw fell limp at your question, a slow blink accentuating his displeasure. “Clearly not,” he said lowly, the words slurred by his unwillingness to taste the salt with proper pronunciation.
He leaned forward, hand reaching for the box of tissues sitting atop the beside table, and yanked a few free. He brought it up to his lips, where he spat furiously to cleanse his mouth. After a rough clearing of his throat, he bundled up the tissues, tossed it onto the table and glanced over at you once more. “Listen, I’ve already been through all the tests back at Bobby’s. I was goin’ to pull out the phone and get him on the line to clear me before you decided I needed some seasonin’,” he said flatly.
You watched him suspiciously, your brow quirking in disbelief. “Fine,” you said tensely, but offered nothing further.
Dean frowned lightly, his eyes doing a brief and clueless sweep of the room as though he expected you to offer more clarity. He settled his attention back onto you, his chin lifting slightly as he uttered a cautious, “okay.” He began reaching into his pocket once more, the movement deliberately slowed. “Just gonna reach for the phone, alright? So hands off the fuckin’ salt,” he said, eyes flickering between you and the container. “Please,” he added gruffly, and then his had retracted with the phone.
You prowled after his every move like a predator, but despite your weariness, you still lowered the salt an inch. You watched as he flicked open the phone, thumb gliding across the keypad as he pulled up Bobby’s number. Then, he lifted the phone to his ear, eyes trained on you with equal caution as he waited for the line to connect him to the opposite end.
You heard the static click, and a voice blared through shortly after—Bobby’s voice. The sound soothed your heart by a slither.
“Hey, Bobby,” Dean greeted, passing his tongue along his lower lip. “Listen, I, uh. . . I need ya to do that thing I told you I’d need—you know, vouchin’ for me and all.” On the other end of the line, Bobby uttered a few, incomprehensible words. “Yeah,” Dean laughed weakly. “Yeah. . . she threw me with the salt. Just like you said.” His eyes flickered to you with subtle amusement before Bobby said something else. Then, he was handing you the phone.
You narrowed your eyes in skepticism before your free hand reached for the phone, so careful not to graze his skin as you retrieved it from his fingers. Dean seemed to notice the rejection, and his mouth gaped slightly with the hurt it evoked. You pushed aside the image, but didn’t stray from his face as you brought the phone up to your ear.
“Hello?” You called into the line.
“Hey, kid, it’s me,” Bobby’s static voice answered. “Listen, I know you’re goin’ through one helluva mind-fuck right ‘bout now. . . but it’s ‘im, kid. It’s Dean.” He trailed into silence after those words, providing an interval he expected you’d fill with some sort of taken aback reaction. But all you could do was choke on your stunned silence, your heart beginning to ram at your chest harder than it’d ever managed before. “Kid? Y’still there?”
Dean’s eyes narrowed all-knowingly as he watched you in patient silence. His hand shifted from his lap an inch, like he yearned to reach out to you and offer some reassurance, but you both knew it’d do little to soothe you in this current predicament—the mental debate of whether or not the man you loved was really back.
Eventually, your body hosted a response, but it wasn’t one you’d preferred to have at this instant. A tear clotted along your one eye, bundling up until it was heavy enough to slip over the edge. Dean’s expression visibly softened, his jaw clenching with the knowledge that he couldn’t exactly pull you into a tight embrace—not just yet, anyway.
Your lips loosened, a rattled breath breaking through. “I saw his body, Bobby,” you pushed out in a quiver. Another tear lined the opposite cheek. “I watched you and Sam dig that fucking hole. . . and I watched you roll his lifeless, rotting corpse over the edge before cementing him under six fucking feet of dirt.”
The phone line hissed and crackled with the silent air on Bobby’s side. You almost thought he’d given up the ruse that you were so determined to believe you’d gotten caught up in, but then his voice blared through—the most tender and sympathetic you’ve ever heard it.
“I know you’re confused,” he began. “Hell, this shit had me believin’ that my family’s history of Alzheimer’s had finally kicked the bucket out from under me. But I did all the tests, and I interrogated him over and over again. I gave him hell, kid, but in the end, it’s really him. Y’know I wouldn’t have even thought ‘bout lettin’ him get close to ya if I weren’t certain o’ it. So if ya can’t trust ‘im just yet, then trust me. I give ya my word.”
Your fingers gripped the phone a little tighter, if only to still the trembling of your hand, and you gave a large sniff as you processed his words. Your eyes still bore into Dean, as though it would keep him pinned to the spot should he think about making a run for it.
You shifted the phone against your ear an inch, taking your lower lip into a tense bite before you spoke again. “Okay,” you breathed softly. “I trust you, Bobby.”
From Bobby’s end, shuffling noises chafed your ear like sand-paper. “Alright, kid, I’ll leave the two o’ ya to it. Good luck,” he said, and then the line terminated with a beep. The call’s ending tune reached Dean’s ear, where he shifted on the mattress almost anxiously while he waited for your decision.
“So, uh,” he began, his lips stuttering on the right words as his head buckled to face the hands he’d crossed in his lap. His palms rubbed tense lines—like the scheming motion of a fly—before he glanced back up at you. “We good?” He settled on. You saw the subtle desperation in the clench of his jaw. He craved the pardon only you could give him.
Slowly, you lowered the phone from your ear, flipping it closed as your chest rattled with another, shaky breath. Your eyes began to water once more, and this time, it didn’t hold back. In a second, you were hurling yourself across the mattress, arms flailing through the air to wrap around his neck with a desperation that could have body-slammed him to the floor.
“Woah,” he steadied in a laugh that sounded all too relieved.
Your chest crashed into Dean’s, and his hands were hasty to return your hug as he wrapped himself around your waist. There, he completed the embrace, pulling you against him so tightly that it started to pinch the meat of your skin through your shirt. But you didn’t care if his grip left behind a bruise—you’d consider it a physical reminder of just how real this all was.
You pressed your face into the crook of his neck, all the pent up emotions you’d come to harbour over these last few months finally liberated from your clutch. The tears began to roll without practiced regulation, and you found yourself yielding all control. Because being around Dean always had you feeling safe enough to do so, and your body had utilised its muscle-memory to re-establish that foundation. To rebuild the home that his death had wrecked.
“I thought I’d lost you forever,” you whispered against the stubbled skin of his neck, the sound heavy and cracked.
His palm stroked slow, comforting circles across your lower back, his own face buried against the slope of your shoulder. You felt his warm breath waft over your skin as he spoke. “Me too,” he pushed out tensely. Shakily. There were very few moments that you’d ever heard that tone on him. “I didn’t think I was ever comin’ back,” he admitted. “Didn’t think I’d ever see you, or Sammy—hell, even Bobby, again. But I’m not complainin’,” he added hastily. “Shit, I’ll never complain ‘bout anythin’ e’er again. I got everythin’ I need right here.”
He shifted against you, torso pulling back as though he couldn’t wait a second longer to peer into your eyes. You leaned yourself back in rhythm, your cheeks blown red with your overwhelmed state and your eyes still glistening with fresh tears. You kept your hands looped around his neck, fingers still clutching his phone, and your heart was seized by a new fist of pain as you saw Dean’s bloodshot eyes pave way for his own, sparse—but undeniably real—tears.
His hands settled at your hips, fingers subconsciously squeezing at the meat as he did a mental walkthrough of his own emotions. “I missed you so goddamn much,” he whispered, his lower lip trembling now. “God, all I could think ‘bout down there, every second of every miserable day, was you—how much I needed you. How much I missed you.” His chest jolted with a forced, but much needed exhale to steady his next words. “And how much I love you.”
You choked on your breath at that final confession, words that—up until now—had never directly admitted. You couldn’t help but huff a slight breath of disbelief, a weak grin beaming through as your eyes softened with a warmth that made you feel whole again. Dean, himself, looked slightly stunned at his declaration, his eyes widening mildly as he drank in your reaction. But as you gazed at him, there was no undertone of regret or shame mingling with his features. There was only what looked like relief, if the slight quirking of his lips and the soft sigh that followed after was any indication.
Maybe, it was relief attributed to the fact that he’d finally started to unpack—and put words to—some of his more complex emotions. It made you feel so much closer to him.
Without sparing it another thought, you blurted your own reciprocation. “I love you too, Dean.”
He smiled tenderly at that, and neither one of you moved as you shared an intense stare that circulated all sorts of emotion—love, adoration, and desire. Then, as though some unspoken agreement had been exchanged, you dove down to meet his lips in a fierce kiss, the phone you’d been clutching dropping to some surface beyond your current care.
Dean’s hands trailed up the expanse of your back as he returned your kiss hungrily, his lips feuding with yours for an advantage of the play. He wasted no time sliding his hands beneath the hem of your shirt, his warm palms massaging a determined, upward trajectory until he gained enough leverage to tug it over your head.
The kiss broke off momentarily as your arms flew up in an eager gesture to shed your layers, your chest heaving with the exertion. He managed to successfully tug the shirt over your head, the neckline the last to go and leaving behind an impression as it briefly snagged onto your hair. When he gave it one last freeing tug, your hair tie came loose amidst the commotion, your hair cascading across your bare torso in fresh, yet slightly damp strands.
Dean came forward to press two distinct kisses against your lips—hasty, but a bold statement in itself—before he leaned back to roll his shoulders and discard his own clothing. Your hands flew to his chest in aid, fingers sliding beneath the isles of his unbuttoned shirt to push it over the slopes of his shoulders. His hands twisted behind himself to pluck each sleeve from his arms with practiced speed, discarding it some place behind him before he was tugging his snugly-fitting tee over his head.
Instantly, your attention lowered down his toned torso, the glorified sight of him causing your core to pulse with desire. You didn’t get to exploit his image for long before he hogged your view with another, fierce tumble of the lips, his hands grabbing at your waist like he’d needed to remember what you felt like. Your tongues found one another with an ease that felt like its fates were tied, swirling about in a seductive dance to the death. Your hands settled at his neck, gently rubbing and kneading the skin as you allowed yourself to melt into his devouring.
When your palms wandered further down the contoured muscle of his broad shoulders, you felt the skin of his left bicep raise in a questionable pattern. The contact over that area made Dean wince into your mouth, and then he withdrew from the kiss with a feral pant, eyes shifting from an insatiable hunger to a more vulnerable uncertainty. It was enough of a reaction to tear your gaze away from him and steal a glance at the mood-killing discovery. But you almost wished you hadn’t stumbled upon it because the sight of a raised, red handprint seared into the flesh of his forearm made your eyes widen in horror.
“Dean—” you breathed, overcome with the instinctive need to trace your hand over the anomaly, but his shoulder withdrew from your curious touch, which called your attention back to him. “What happened?” You asked softly.
He shook his head lightly, taking a moment to acknowledge the marking with a newfound solemness. His chin dipped down for a second, a broken, incomplete noise dangling from his lips. You knew then, that whatever grim reminder had been imbued into this branding was something too fresh to confront at this time, so you made the silent decision not to probe him about it any further.
You moved to cradle his face, tilting it up to you. His expression looked defeated, his eyes sagging with a heavy fatigue. You didn’t doubt that hell had had its tolls—if anything, you were surprised that he’d come out of it in one piece. Physically, at least. Whatever mental deconstruction he’d undergone during his time there was knowledge beyond your grasp, and a conversation for another time. Hell had already taken enough from the both of you; you wouldn’t let it have this moment, too.
“If you want to stop, just say the word,” you told him gently, offering a hearty smile. “We can just lay here and cud—“
“No,” he answered, the hands at your waist tightening with new resolve. “We’re gonna cuddle, alright, but after we’ve had our overdue fun,” he said, a newfound smirk creeping through his evident exhaustion. “I’ve waited too damn long for this day—hell if I pass it up in a blink.”
You loved it when he took charge this way. Your teeth peered through your lips in an exhilarated grin, and then, you let out a yelp of excitement as he pushed you back onto the mattress, his frame following closely in a controlled hover as he positioned himself on top of you. His lips came crashing down onto yours, the heated dynamic between the two of you returning full-forced, as though it’d never been interrupted in the first place.
Your hands wandered messy lines up and down his neck, occasionally dipping down to glide over the curve of his pecks. The heat in your core began to build with every second you spent tumbled within the skilled warmth of his lips, his hands adding fuel to the fire with the way they staggered along your exposed torso to grace any and every inch of your skin.
He pulled away to drag his moist lower lip up your cheek, pressing a kiss to your temple before he whispered into your ear. “I need to feel you. I need to have all o’ you,” he breathed, and then he pulled away as quickly as he’d arrived, leaning back onto his knees as his fingers found firm grip at your shorts.
He tugged the material down mercilessly, pulling your underwear along with it, and you lifted your legs with a giddy laugh to allow him all the access he needed to yank it free. He tossed it to the other end of the room, his hands flying to undo his belt and jeans while his fixated you with focused eyes—like he was silently entertaining all the things he’d like to do to you.
He shed his boots at the foot of the bed to terminate his undressing, and your eyes immediately lowered to the bowing length of his manhood. It felt cheap—ogling him this way, but something about the sight felt so validating that you couldn’t help but stare. Maybe it was knowing that the mere sight of you was enough to spur him on in this manner, and god, you needed him just as much as he evidently needed you.
Your core throbbed more impatiently now, your built-up arousal taking the first of its leave through the slit of your folds. You were tempted to call out to him, to utter the first, desperate words of beckoning, but Dean seemed to clock your needs almost instantly. He leaned back down to you with a charming smirk, one hand propping himself up at the side of your waist while his other took ahold of his manhood.
“Ready, sunshine?” He murmured—low and rough and slightly dazed with his own suffocating arousal.
Your core seemed to answer before you did, the area beaming hot at the mere sound of his voice. You pushed out a needy hum, and Dean wasted no time in sliding his tip between your folds. He breached through your slicked entrance with ease, his head tilting back an inch and his eyes fluttering closed as he pushed out a gruff moan. He sank himself further into you, his length conforming to your walls in perfect unity. Instinctively, your legs propped to give him better access, and the action drew him in even further.
“Fuck,” he murmured lowly, his head then tilting forward as he gathered himself and fully leaned himself down to you. He placed a kiss onto your lips for good measure, both arms scooping beneath yours in a sure grip. His fists balled at either side of your head, and you wrapped your own arms around his neck.
“I need you, Dean,” you cooed into his ear, and he left slip a breathy sound of acknowledgment before he drilled the first thrust into you.
You both harmonised with noises of pleasure, your nails digging into the nape of his neck as his hips began swaying at a faster pace. He leaned his forehead down against yours, lips parted as he fought to steady the feral breaths of pleasure heaving his chest.
Your eyes stuttered closed as his thrusts deepened and deepened, curving against your walls and gliding to meet your sweet spot at just the right angle. Your head burrowed back into your pillow, your lips gaping with a loud moan. It made Dean lower himself onto your lips, taking them between his in a soft, chiding nibble. You breathed into him erratically, releasing noises that gradually became more and more slurred until you became a hot, panting mess.
His own control seemed to slip from his grasp as he began to grunt and whimper against your cheek, his head eventually falling past yours to graze your ear with just the right verbal performance to add to the contractions of that growing ache within.
His thrusts became firmer—but not brutal. They were passionate and needy all at once, but still laced with a sort of caution that only deep admiration could warrant. He gave a few more firm thirsts, both of you heaving against one another with the approach of your climax. Then, with a final jerk of his hips, the knot that had tethered you to one another came undone in a cascading warmth.
You felt it seep from your entrance, and for a second, Dean didn’t stir from atop you. He remained hovered over you, the point of his nose brushing your cheek methodically as he attempted to replenish his lungs and recover from his own bliss.
“Jesus,” he remarked, an impressed chuckle tickling your ear. “All this time apart, and still it doesn’t feel like I ever slipped your spell.”
You released your own breathless chuckle. “I’m usually opposed to captivity of any sort, but in this case, thank god for that.”
Finally, Dean withdrew from inside of you, collapsing to side of the mattress nearest to the door—his space. Rightfully occupied at last. He reached over to pluck some tissues from the nightstand before turning back to you, fumbling the tissue between his fingers before he began dabbing at the moisture along your forehead.
He gazed at you through loving eyes, so soft and vast that it made your heart throb—like you were falling in love all over again. Dean seemed to notice the lovesick look on your face because he smiled with an expression to match. He leaned down to press a kiss to your lips, and you puckered your own to receive it eagerly. And then he shifted momentarily to clean you down below.
When he came back up to you, he flicked the used tissues off to the side, and then instantly, you were pulled against his chest in a tight embrace. The skin-on-skin contact soothed you, your body relaxing almost instantly within his firm hold—a type of pressure therapy that only worked because it was him. It felt so safe and natural, so you melted further into him, and the hand he’d cupped around the back of your hair began to massage a soothing pattern into your scalp.
Everything about this moment was enough to lull you into a much needed state of relaxation, your body finally unwinding after months of being held together at the threads. Your eyes drifted close, your breathing deepening with the newfound peace.
“You know,” Dean said suddenly, beckoning to your senses. Your eyes remained closed, but you hummed softly to acknowledge him. “Down there, time works differently.” That piqued your interest enough to part you eyes in narrow slits. “You said I’ve been gone for four months? Well, for me, it’s been forty years.”
Your eyes widened fully now, your lips split with some bewildered gasp. “Dean,” you sympathised softly, hand moving from its place at his chest to stroke along his cheek. “I’m so sorry—that sounds awful.”
He shifted to place a kiss on the first part of your palm he could reach. “It ain’t your fault,” he assured you thinly, his eyes bowing under his own exhaustion—as if the mere recollection drained him. “If anythin’, you got me through it. I don’t have to tell you just how shitty things are down in Satan’s basement,” he laughed, but you knew there was no real humour behind it, only pain. “But you. . . just thinkin’ o’ you. . . rememberin’ what I’ve gotta fight for, it kept me sane. Strong.”
You smiled weakly, his words evoking a mixture of warmth and guilt all at once. You appreciated that you’d been able offer him some sort of comfort in your mere memory, but at the same time, you wished he hadn’t needed it to begin with.
Hell was no place for a good man like him.
“Well, you’re back now,” you offered softly, your hands shifting to wrap around his torso in a hug. His own arms wrapped around your upper back, pulling you so tightly against him that you thought your beings might finally form a physical union to mirror the spiritual tying of your souls.
“And I’m here to stay,” he finished in a faint murmur, the words—the promise—hot against the crown of your head.
Those words lingered in your mind as you eventually drifted into a sleep, the steady sound of his breathing the last thing you needed to loosen your grip on reality. Darkness came to claim you, and this time, you welcomed it eagerly.
When you roused into the waking world, your room was fully lit with the tell of noon. The finding was indication enough that you’d stolen the sleep of a lifetime, and there was no lingering heaviness perched on your lids this time around. It filled you with a sense of satisfaction, and you blinked a few times to ground your bleary senses.
When you stirred against the sheets, you heaved a deep breath, your lungs expanding around a newfound sense of inner peace. Instinctively, your arm reached across the mattress to claim the touch of man you loved, but where you expected to feel the warmth of his skin, you felt nothing but the cool, empty space of the comforters.
With a jolt, you sat yourself up, head swivelling about the room with a sense of panic. Dean was nowhere to be found. Your mind instantly began reeling with endless possibilities, your breathing elevating with a growing sense of panic—had you imagined it all? Had he ever been here to begin with? Had you finally snapped and gone insane?
But when you took a moment to lower your head and drink in your frame, you found yourself to be as bare as when you’d fallen asleep. You shifted to the edge of the mattress, feeling some slither of relief that your clothes were where you’d left them—discarded about the room in ruthless bundles. And then, out of instinct, your eyes wandered over to your desk chair, where you expected to greet the leather jacket that had become a pivotal part of your morning routine.
Only, your heart lurched when the chair glared back at you with a bare rim—the jacket nowhere in sight.
Beyond the walls, mingled laughter brightened the atmosphere. The sound made you slip from the mattress almost instantly, where you darted about the room to gather your scattered pyjamas in a hurry before slipping it over your frame. You dashed toward the bedroom door, twisting the handle with anticipation before you practically hurled yourself into the hallway.
When you entered into the open-plan living room, you found that Dean and Sam were weaving rather chaotic ant trails around the kitchen’s floor, each brother tending to steaming dishes that you were too far away to appreciate in detail. But you weren’t paying much attention to it, anyway. You were far too focused on watching Dean, as though you’d had to solidify the mental image of his presence—to believe that he was really here, and here to stay. And the best part of it all is that he was wearing the leather jacket you’d thought would never come to crown another set of shoulders again. It was the last image you needed to place the final puzzle piece in your heart—no, you felt truly fulfilled.
Some part of you had thought—just for a second—that your reunion had been a figment of your imagination. But now, you could breathe a little easier knowing that Dean had truly returned, rooted in flesh as he drifted about the kitchen with an extra skip in his step.
Just then, he spun on his heels to nick something off the counter, his head lifting in your direction as he finally noticed your loitering figure. “Second g’mornin’ to you, sunshine,” he called to you, birthing a cheeky smirk. He flashed a quick glance at Sam before turning back to you. “In case you were wonderin’, Sammy here’s all caught up,” he said. “So let’s skip the big, mushy family reunion and get movin’ on those damn tacos. I’m starvin’”.
“Tacos?” You echoed with a light laugh.
Sam appeared at his big brother’s side, beaming so brightly, it was almost blinding. “We’re having tacos for lunch. Everything’s basically finished,” he piped in, casting a pleading glance in your direction. “Would you mind helping me plate it?”
Your heart settled as you drank the both of them in. This was the life you’d come to miss so dearly, and you couldn’t help but smile appreciatively. You jerked your chin in Dean’s direction. “Why don’t you make him do it?” You teased, padding your way over to the kitchen island.
“Call it a family discount,” Dean chuckled smugly, rounding the counter to draw up at your side. “Or, y’know, the breakin’ free from hell card.”
You shook your head lightly, narrowing your eyes at him. “Isn’t it a little too soon?” You scoffed.
“You let me worry ‘bout my own shit,” he replied, gracing you with a charming wink.
You didn’t offer anything further as you turned your attention down to the prepped toppings spread out across the counter—mince, lettuce, guacamole, chilli sauce, salsa, cheese and the taco shells themselves. You reached for the empty plates and began topping each one with the hollow taco shells, moving to fill the first one with the toppings.
Dean snuck up behind you, his hands finding grip at your waist while his chin came to rest atop your shoulder. His lips grazed your ear. “Thank you for lookin’ after my jacket,” he murmured. “I didn’t think I’d be seein’ this old thing again.”
You smile at his words, hands shifting to stuff the taco with the next pick of toppings. “My reason for keeping it was more selfish than that,” you admitted. “I just couldn’t bear to move it. It would’ve felt too final.”
He hummed a noise of understanding, a soft kiss gracing the side of your neck. “The only thing that’s final is that I’m back,” he said. “You don’t gotta worry ‘bout that anymore, alright?”
“I know,” you murmured, and Dean squeezed you in a light hug, but continued to keep you tucked within his hold as you finished stuffing the taco. You lifted it over your shoulder, carefully guiding it toward his lips.
He released an approving noise before leaning forward to accept your offering in a gluttonous chomp, his lips practically smothering your fingers as though it were deemed part of the meal. You giggled at the feeling, taco fragments scattering across your shoulder as he chewed the food intently.
“How does it taste?” You asked him, turning your head to get a better view of his expression.
His eyes did a roll of appreciation, his cheeks swelled with the large bite. He hummed a string of approval, coupled with a content, repeating nod. Once he gave a hearty swallow, he cleared his throat in satisfaction.
“Tastes like sunshine.”
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a/n ─ can you tell i had the time of my life writing this?? can you tell?? anon i love your mind so so much please never stop your special creativity. i will be tending to my other requests soon, and i encourage you all to keep on sending them through. i appreciate you ALL and your lovely ideas, as well as the support and trust you have in me to flesh out your fantasies 🫶 now, it’s literally almost 4 am as i publish this so nighty night beautiful people!
thank you for reading! all likes, comments & reblogs are deeply appreciated
tags ─ @gibson-g1rl @fallbhind @bohemianblasphemy @figthoughts @deansbbyx @angelicjackles @titsout4jackles @starzify @ultravi0lence14 @floralscented
want to be apart of the taglist for any future jensen ackles works?
other works ─ supernatural masterlist
© bluemerakis ─ do not plagiarise or steal any of my works.
#bluemerakis’ fics ۶ৎ ⋆˚. ݁#anons ⋆˚✿˖°#my requests ⋆˚࿔ °・#dean winchester#dean winchester fanfiction#dean winchester fic#dean winchester fluff#dean winchester smut#dean winchester x reader#dean winchester x you#dean winchester x female!reader#dean winchester jensen ackles#jensen ackles#jensen fucking ackles#jackles#jensen ackles fanfiction#jensen ackles fic#jensen ackles smut#jensen ackles fluff#jensen ackles x reader#jensen ackles x you#jensen ackles x female!reader#supernatural#spn#supernatural smut#supernatural dean#spn fanfic#soldier boy#beau arlen#russell shaw
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˗ˏˋ stephanie brown accessible entry point

this is a list of comics to understand the basics of her character! ive seen a lot of people who didnt know where to start to read so ive compiled this list to make it as easy as possible for new readers to get into stephanie brown
who is stephanie brown?
daughter of the criminal and abusive father cluemaster (arthur brown), she became the spoiler to ‘spoil’ her father’s robbery and overall to protect herself and her mother from him. eventually she digs the vigilante life. she becomes robin briefly and is currently one of the batgirls!
as SPOILER:
⟢ secret origins: 80-page giant
this comic /technically/ is set in the future and is steph ‘telling the story of her childhood’ but honestly i find it pretty suitable even with no context and a must read in my eyes to understand her motives and character
⟢ detective comics 647 - 649
her first appearance… with the iconic brick in the face 😭 this comic is not set in a precise timeline, just post-robin 1991 and pre-knightfall so you can read it with no context as well!
⟢ showcase ‘95 #5 (second story)
PLEASE READ THIS i never see it in reading lists and its sooo important to me. it shows steph’s strained relationship with her mother when her dad is not in the picture and briefly some of her school life!
i’d say read robin (1993) afterwards because it consistently features steph, as much as it is ‘tim’s solo run’, but here THE most important stories (they were very hard to pick)
⟢ robin (1993) #3 - 5
her first appearance in the monthly! and lordd the timsteph here makes me sick. tim being saved by steph 🫶 also more on her and her mom as crystal is starting recovery from drug addiction
⟢ robin (1993) issue 15 - 16
not gonna lie, a huge part of me wants me to suggest it because you get to see arthur get his ass kicked by steph (sweet revenge) but theres also steph being saved by tim for a change and more on steph’s relationship with her dad
⟢ robin (1993) #35
this story for me conveys properly the impact that steph’s upbringing had on her sense of justice and morality being fundamentally different from batman and robin’s, something tim and bruce just can’t understand
⟢ robin (1993) #40 - 41
warning / implied SA (ariana ☹️) the story is a two-parter, steph’s side in issue 40 uses diary entries to explain how she feels about the whole vigilante ordeal. issue 41 is more timsteph oriented but it shows tim finally acknowledging his feelings for steph
⟢ huntress/spoiler: blunt trauma
this story happens during cataclysm but its not necessary to read the whole thing + dean’s first appearance 😒 he is the scumbag bastard ‘father of steph’s child’ + helena and steph linkup!!
⟢ robin (1993) #54 and 56-57
BAD CASE OF THE STEPHS MENTIONED + steph and crystal bonding and tim and steph getting together!!! + robin 57 as guilty pleasure :3 their first official date
⟢ robin (1993) #58-65
warning: dixon tackling teen pregnancy. we all know how that goes. remember dean? well steph got pregnant! and that guy bailed on her. dean when i get you. this arc breaks me everytime, steph you deserve the world ☹️
⟢ lewis era robin (1993) aka robin #100 - 120 HEAVY ON ROBIN 111
warning for SA / glimpses on steph’s childhood + dealing with the fact that her father is dead etc etc that will just make you think we should all just kill ourselves yk!!!!
as ROBIN:
⟢ robin (1993) #126 - 128
warning: debatable writing. robin steph! but take everything with like 5 pinches of different salts 😭 its bad y’all but it is essential. dan didio when i get your ass. dan didio when i get youuu
⟢ steph is dead! arc aka batman 634, detective comics 800 and 809, batgirl 62
i fucking hate war games so im not putting y'all through that. here instead: tim being so overcome by grief he can barely react to steph's passing, bruce remembering steph and cass hallucinating her as she is about to die
after that please just imagine that steph came back cause about every issue after her death was the worst ooc writing ever so, again, not putting you guys through that (its tough for stephanie brown fans)
as BATGIRL:
⟢ batgirl (2009)
i wanna say im conflicted about its writing but its about the best thing steph had post-revival. they constantly insult her spoiler legacy so not a fan of that!! but it is essential and i mostly like the rest so whatever :3 steph’s uni arc!
after that honestly nothing happened for her character, so heres on hoping she gets more stuff
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Rincewind just might be the character of all time. (Part 1, probably)
“You’re all missin’ the point. He survives. You keep on tellin’ me he’s had all these adventures and he’s still alive.” “What do you mean? He’s got scars all over him!” “My point exactly, Dean. Most of ’em on his back, too. He leaves trouble behind. Someone Up There smiles on him.” Rincewind winced. He had always been aware that Someone Up There was doing something on him. He’d never considered it was smiling. -- Terry Pratchett, Interesting Times
Rincewind shook his head. “It’s no good,” he said. “I hate it when people are nice to me. It means something bad is going to happen. Do you mind shouting?” Ridcully had had enough. “Get out of that bed you horrible little man and follow me this minute or it will go very hard for you!” “Ah, that’s better. I feel right at home now. Now we’re cooking with charcoal,” said Rincewind, glumly. -- Terry Pratchett, Interesting Times
Adventure! People talked about the idea as if it was something worthwhile, rather than a mess of bad food, no sleep, and strange people inexplicably trying to stick pointed objects in bits of you. -- Terry Pratchett, Interesting Times
He was no good at anything else. Wizardry was the only refuge. Well, actually he was no good at wizardry either, but at least he was definitively no good at it. He’d always felt he had a right to exist as a wizard in the same way that you couldn’t do proper maths without the number 0, which wasn’t a number at all but, if it went away, would leave a lot of larger numbers looking bloody stupid. -- Terry Pratchett, Interesting Times
And he probably had saved the world a few times, but it had generally happened accidentally, while he was trying to do something else. So you almost certainly didn’t actually get any karmic points for that. It probably only counted if you started out by thinking in a loud way “By criminy, it’s jolly well time to save the world, and no two ways about it!” instead of “Oh, shit, this time I’m really going to die.” -- Terry Pratchett, Interesting Times
“Say something in wizard language!” “Er. Stercus, stercus, stercus, moriturus sum,” said Rincewind, his eye on the knife. “‘O excrement, I am about to die?’” -- Terry Pratchett, Interesting Times
“I saw him, I tell you! A legion of soldiers collapsed with the wind of his passage!” The wind of his passage was beginning to worry Rincewind as well. It always tended to when he was frightened. -- Terry Pratchett, Interesting Times
“That is correct,” said Two Fire Herb. “We will overcome because history is on our side.” “We will overcome because the Great Wizard is on our side,” said Butterfly sharply. “I’ll tell you this!” shouted Rincewind. “I’d rather trust me than history! Oh, shit, did I just say that?” -- Terry Pratchett, Interesting Times
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College au Bradley sketch!
Drabble below :P
Jake had a system, every morning at 8am sharp he was at the university library doors. As soon as the doors unlocked, he was in, beelining up to a tucked away corner on the second level (a most efficient beeline that he had perfected over the last semester).
The second level walls were mostly floor to ceiling windows and this particular corner was at just the right angle to catch the morning sunlight in such a way that Jake’s laptop wouldn’t be overcome with glare and his eyes wouldn’t have to squint. The main draw though, was the worn brown leather loveseat that occupied the space. Jake got his best studying done here, notes spread out beside him, sun warming the back of his neck, and the glorious sound of silence around him.
The system was flawless, the spot was popular, but due to the tendency of his peers to sleep in (barring an early morning class), and the fact that he was in the building as soon as physically possible, he never had to fight anyone to claim it.
Until today.
It was the first day of the second semester, Jake arrived at his spot in record time, and then froze. For there, in his spot, was a thief. The thief was sprawled across the loveseat, his large frame spilling over the armrests, and his snores echoing around the room.
The beast of a man was everything Jake priding himself in not being, from his untied timberlands all the was up to his infuriatingly attractive distasteful pornstache (not to mention the blinding pattern adorning his fucking hawaiian shirt). The whole area was a mess too, it seemed that Jake’s new nemesis wasn’t satisfied with just occupying the couch and ruining the quiet with his snores, he also had to have his belongings thrown haphazardly all over the floor.
How dare this fiend lay waste to Jake’s entire system! He wasn’t even getting anything done… Jake’s perfect productivity zone had been demoted to a glorified napping spot.
END
—————————————
Bradley doesn’t have morning classes mon/wed/fri in the second term, and despite being a napper, he is an early riser, so Uncle Ice (Dean of Science Kazansky) gave him the key to the library.
Jake is unreasonably attracted to his moustached mortal enemy and eventually they will share the spot (in a gross in love pda way of course!). He still gets the spot on tuesdays and thursdays since Bradley has class :)
#jaydraws#jaywrites#<- in case i ever drabble again im making a tag for it#hangster#sereshaw#bradley bradshaw#drabble#fanart#tgm#college au#top gun maverick#tgm fanart#top gun#top gun fanart#bradley rooster bradshaw
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The Arrangement - Part Two
Pairing: Dean x reader
Summary: It's the morning after, you and Dean are both reeling, respectively, from the previous night. Can you both overcome the incident, or is more trouble awaiting?
Word Count: 5.4k
Warnings/Tags: SMUT!!! (18+ONLY!!!) The usual angsty thoughts, will these two ever get it? Swearing
AN: Happy hump day! 🐫 We're still only just brushing the surface with these two, but I hope you enjoy ☺️.
Main Masterlist
Series Masterlist < Catch up here!
The next morning, you woke with a painful groan, the pounding in your skull like a jackhammer. Even with your eyes still shut, you could feel the dull, relentless ache radiating through your entire head. When you finally pried them open, you grimaced at the sticky sensation of last night’s makeup clinging to your lashes.
Rolling onto your back, you immediately regretted it—your stomach lurched in protest, reminding you exactly why you were never drinking again. Not this time. Not after this hangover. The night felt like a blur, fragments slipping through your fingers as you struggled to piece them together.
The first thing that came back was your awful date. Monday was going to be awkward as hell at work, but you didn’t regret a damn thing. The look on his face after you ruined his expensive white dress shirt with that tasteless glass of rosé— the one he ordered for you—was worth it. A smirk tugged at your lips at the memory.
Then you remembered heading to the bar to see Jo and Ellen. Like always, you and Jo went one drink too far.
Something nudged at the back of your mind, a strange pulse in your chest as you reached for the rest of the night. The fog lifted slightly as your phone buzzed on your nightstand, but it wasn’t the screen that caught your attention. It was the bottle of Tylenol and the glass of water sitting beside it.
And just like that, everything came crashing back.
Oh God.
You kissed Dean.
Your headache surged as if your body was punishing you for your stupidity. You kissed your best friend. Were you really that desperate? That starved for affection that you had to go and make a move on Dean of all people?
But then—amidst the spiral of regret and sheer mortification—another thought surfaced.
Dean had kissed you back.
And not in some startled, accidental way. No, he kissed you like he meant it. Like one of those cocky heroes in the guilty pleasure romance novels you kept hidden on your bookshelf. Hands gripping you like he couldn’t bear to let go. Like he wanted to devour you.
Your stomach flipped. For a second—just a second—you let yourself remember the way his lips had felt, the roughness of his stubble, the way he had pulled you closer, like—
Nope. Absolutely not.
You shook your head, pushing the thought away. It wasn’t a big deal. It couldn’t be.
You’d had too much to drink. You were disappointed, frustrated, and let’s be real—desperately overdue for a good lay. And Dean? Well, he was there. Familiar. Safe. Willing.
That was all.
It wasn’t some deep, long-suppressed thing. It wasn’t because you’d been secretly wondering about him for years, how the way he touched you, kissed you, made every single rumour you’d heard about him feel a hell of a lot more believable.
The whispers. Those hushed conversations in the school hallways. The restroom stalls where Karen Jones once gushed about your best friend’s talented mouth and fingers.
How on the rare occasion Dean had brought someone home, well… you weren’t proud to admit that the muffled sounds through the walls had left you pressing your thighs together, wondering just what he was doing in there to make them moan like that.
No. Nope. Dean was your best friend. That was sacred.
The idea of being anything more? Terrifying.
And besides, he’d been drinking, too.
That’s all it could be.
Dean didn’t look at you like that. Not really. He would’ve done the same with any other girl, right? It wasn’t special. It didn’t mean anything.
And the best thing to do now? Pretend it never happened. If Dean brought it up, you had the perfect excuse—"I was drunk, I had no idea what I was doing."
Yeah. That would work.
You sighed, scrubbing a hand over your face before reaching for the Tylenol. The mirror across the room reflected the mess you’d become—wrinkled dress, tangled hair, smudged makeup making you look half-raccoon.
First things first. A hot shower.
Then, you’d figure out how to face Dean without losing your goddamn mind.
Stepping out of the shower, you felt marginally more human—though your headache still throbbed behind your eyes, and the exhaustion clung to your bones. You wrapped yourself in a towel, rubbing at your damp hair with another as you padded into your room. Every movement felt sluggish, like you were wading through molasses.
Maybe coffee would help.
You threw on a pair of sweatpants and an oversized t-shirt, too drained to care about much else. The smell of freshly brewed coffee drifted into your room as you cracked open the door, coaxing you toward the kitchen like a siren’s call.
Dean was already there, leaning against the counter with a mug in hand, his gaze unfocused. The sunlight filtering through the blinds cast a soft glow on his face, highlighting the faint crease between his brows. He looked deep in thought, his fingers curled around the ceramic like he needed something to hold onto.
Then he spotted you, and just like that, the quiet weight in the air lifted. A slow smile tugged at his lips, easy, familiar—but there was something behind it. Something you couldn’t quite place. Uncertainty? Hesitation?
"She’s alive," he teased, breaking the silence.
You rolled your eyes, the tension in your shoulders easing just a little. See? This is fine. It’s normal. We can handle this.
"Barely," you muttered, shuffling toward the kitchen island.
Dean pushed off the counter, already reaching for another mug. "Figured you’d need this."
He poured you a cup and slid it toward you as you climbed onto one of the barstools, elbows resting on the counter, head in your hands. You let out a low groan, still feeling like death warmed over.
"I swear to God, I’m gonna kill Jo for encouraging my alcoholism," you grumbled.
Dean huffed out a chuckle. "Yeah, good luck with that. She’d take you down first.”
"That’s fair," you sighed dramatically, taking a careful sip of coffee. The warmth seeped through you, dulling the sharpest edges of your hangover.
Dean leaned his hip against the counter, watching you over the rim of his mug. “Sam messaged me this morning, reminding me. Is Ellen still making her famous stuffing for Christmas next week?"
You perked up slightly, grateful for the normalcy of the conversation. Okay, good. This is good. Normal.
"Yeah, of course. She said she’s already prepping. Swore up and down she’s gonna outdo last year."
Dean smirked. "Doubt it. That was peak stuffing."
"You say that every year."
"And I mean it every year." He took another sip of coffee before tilting his head. "Bobby still threatening to deep-fry the turkey?"
You snorted. "Always. But Ellen put her foot down after the ‘grease fire incident of 1999.’"
Dean laughed, shaking his head. "Man, that was a hell of a year."
"It was a hell of a mess," you corrected. "We were still finding soot in the kitchen in February."
"Yeah, but it was worth it. Best damn turkey I ever had."
"You say that every year, too."
"And I mean it every year," he shot back, grinning.
For as long as you and Dean had been friends, your families had celebrated Christmas together. It started when you were kids, when Bobby and Ellen realised how much easier it was to combine everything into one big gathering.
Every year, you’d alternate whose house hosted—one year at the Winchesters’, the next at your place. It became tradition, something that felt as much a part of the holiday as presents under the tree.
You rolled your eyes, but your lips twitched. The back-and-forth was easy, natural—like it always was. The conversation wrapped around you like a familiar blanket, momentarily pushing away the lingering awkwardness from last night.
See? This is fine. It’s fine.
Then the silence settled.
And suddenly, you were aware of everything.
The space between you—too small, too charged. The way his fingers curled around his coffee mug, his knuckles flexing just slightly. The way his shirt stretched over his shoulders, like you hadn’t already memorised the broad shape of him years ago.
Your eyes met his, and the second they did, your stomach twisted.
Dean didn’t look away.
And neither did you.
Your breath hitched, but you forced yourself to stay still. No sudden movements, no giving anything away. But then your gaze betrayed you—just for a second, barely a flicker—dipping down to his mouth.
Shit.
Because now you could feel it again.
The way he kissed you, rough but deliberate, like he had wanted it. The taste of whiskey, the heat of his hands, the way his fingers had curled into your hips like he was holding on for dear life.
Dean cleared his throat. Stepped back.
"I’m gonna head to the store," he said, too casual.
It took a second for the words to register. "Oh. Yeah, okay."
He hesitated—like he might ask you to come with him—but then he smirked instead, lips twitching. "Would’ve invited you, but, uh… You kinda look like the walking dead. Don’t want you cramping my style.”
Your head shot up, glare locked and loaded. "Ass."
Dean just grinned. "Try not to die while I’m gone."
Then he was gone, the door clicking shut behind him.
The silence that followed was deafening.
Your fingers tightened around the coffee mug as you exhaled, long and slow, staring at the door like it might offer some kind of answer.
Yeah. You were so screwed.
By the time Dean strolled back in through the front door, the afternoon sun was already dipping beyond the horizon, casting the sky in deep hues of amber and violet—a telltale sign of the short winter days.
In his absence, you'd done your best not to dwell on the events of last night. Dean hadn’t brought it up, and you figured it was best you didn’t either. Did that stop your mind from running through every why, how, and what if on repeat? No. But for now, distraction would do.
So here you were, sprawled on the couch, wrapped in a blanket, watching reruns of Friends while feeling sorry for yourself in more ways than one.
“Hey,” Dean greeted, kicking the door shut behind him, hands full with grocery bags. He dropped them on the island, his keys clinking against the counter. “Sorry I took so long. Had to deal with a work emergency before I could hit the store.”
You peered over the back of the couch, blinking sluggishly. “S’all good. I crashed for a bit after you left anyway.” You stretched, groaning. “I am starving, though.”
After Dean had left, for a much-needed grocery run - as you too discovered the disastrously emptiness of your fridge, all you’d eaten were two pop tarts you’d found in the back of the cupboard.
“Well, if you’re up for it, how about I whip us up some burgers?” Dean smirked, already putting things away. Your stomach growled at the suggestion. You practically salivated at the thought. Dean could grill a mean burger, and he damn well knew it.
“Oh My God, yes.” You practically moaned. Dean chuckled as you hopped up and shuffled to the kitchen, immediately snooping through the bags. Your eyes lit up when you pulled out a tub of rocky road ice cream.
“Ohh, heck yes!” Dean turned just in time to see you clutch it to your chest like treasure. Rubbing the back of his neck, he shrugged it off.
“Yeah, well… figured you’d want it. Hangover ritual and all.”
It was such a simple thing—something so Dean. But it made your chest squeeze a little tighter. Maybe it was in light of recent events, but for some reason it touched you more than it should have. And in that moment, you realised just how much Dean had always taken care of you.
Whether it was remembering your favourite ice cream, patching up your scraped knee when you fell off your bike as a kid, or offering you a shoulder when you needed one.
You swallowed past the lump in your throat. “Thank you,” you murmured, and you meant it.
Dean just smiled.
You cleared your throat, shaking off the sudden wave of emotions. “Need any help? I may be half a step into the land of the dead, but I am still good with my hands.” You wiggled your fingers in his face, only for Dean to swat them away with a laugh.
“Nah, I got it. But in exchange, you could give me a scoop of that.” He nodded toward the ice cream.
Your grip on the tub tightened. “But—”
Dean arched an amused brow.
And just then, as if on cue, the TV blared Joey Tribbiani’s infamous line: "Joey doesn’t share food!"
You pointed blindly in the direction of the TV. “What he said.”
For a second, there was silence—then both of you burst into laughter.
“Alright, alright,” you relented, wiping at your eyes. “You can have one tiny scoop.” You winked and left him to it.
Dean rolled his eyes, but his grin never faded as he got to work on dinner.
“Seriously, dude, you should open your own burger bar or something,” you groaned, sinking into the couch as you took another blissful bite.
Dean snorted around his own large mouthful, shaking his head. He watched as you practically melted into your seat, eyes fluttering shut, cheeks puffed out like a chipmunk. It was equally parts disgusting and endearing.
You had no shame when it came to food. Talking with your mouth full, letting sauce smear your chin, completely oblivious to how you looked to others. It warmed him at how comfortable you must be in his presence to not care about such things.
Like right now, you sat cross legged on the couch, your hair thrown up in a messy bun, a worn-out, oversized t-shirt, that looked vaguely familiar, hung off your figure, and you had on a pair of sweats one size too big. Your face was makeup less but even so, you were beautiful.
After devouring your burgers, you moved on to dessert, despite claiming minutes earlier that you were “way too full.”
“Theres always extra room for something sweet.” You’d claimed, giving Dean a proper bowl of ice cream instead of the pathetic spoonful you'd originally offered.
You sat side by side watching some comedy, he didn’t remember the name of. But it was all the same, a storyline he’d seen a million times but, even so, there was the odd chuckle-worthy moment.
Not long after, you reached over, setting your now-empty bowl down beside his on the coffee table and as you sat back, he noticed it.
“Hey, you got a little—” He gestured to the corner of his mouth.
“Hm?” You wiped at the wrong side.
“No, here.” He pointed again. You missed it.
Dean huffed before leaning in, swiping his thumb against the chocolate smudge himself.
You stilled.
Your wide eyes flicked up to meet his, and suddenly, he realised just how close he was. His hand still cupped your cheek, thumb lingering at the corner of your lips.
The air thickened. Your breath mingled with his.
Dean’s tongue darted out, wetting his lips out of habit. Your gaze flickered down to the motion, and his stomach clenched.
And then—he wasn’t sure who leaned in first but suddenly, your lips were pressed to his, soft and warm, more confident than last time.
Dean didn’t think—he just reacted.
One of his arms wrapped around your back, the other tilting your chin as he deepened the kiss. You melted into him, fingers threading through his hair, nails scratching lightly against his scalp.
A low, guttural groan rumbled from his chest at the sensation. You tasted like chocolate and marshmallows, sweet and sinful, and fuck—he was already addicted.
Then, as if kissing you wasn’t enough, you shifted, climbing into his lap, pressing yourself against him like you had no idea what you were doing to him. Had he died? Was this some fever dream?
Before he could fully process what was happening, before he could stop you, before he could stop himself, you settled in his lap completely. And there was no hiding what you’d stirred beneath his jeans.
But you didn’t pull away.
Instead, a soft moan escaped your lips, vibrating against his own, and fuck.
He was done for.
His arms tightened around you, pulling you impossibly close, and then you moved. A slow, testing rock of your hips, then another, then a third—more confident, more deliberate. Dean groaned, eyes dark and hazy with lust.
Alarm bells blared in his head, warning him to stop, to think—to rationalise what was happening, why it was happening again. But how the hell was he supposed to think straight when you were rubbing against him like that?
Fuck.
His hands slid down your back, gripping your hips like he was holding onto his last thread of restraint. And then you did it again. A shudder ran through him at the friction, his head tipping back against the couch as he looked up at you. His expression was raw, wrecked—like you had all the answers, and he was desperate for them.
Your movements slowed as you leaned in, your lips grazing his jaw, then his ear.
“Are you down for some fun, Winchester?” you husked, your voice dripping with temptation. You nipped at his earlobe, making his eyes snap shut, his grip tightening on your hips.
“What kind of fun?” he asked, playing dumb, but mostly because he needed to hear you say it.
“The naked kind.”
Dean exhaled sharply, fingers flexing against your hips, his cock aching beneath you.
“I’ve always been curious about you,” you murmured, your lips trailing back to his, teasing, just brushing.
“You have?” His voice was rough, uneven. His heart pounded, not just with lust but something deeper—something dangerously close to hope.
“I grew up with the rumours,” you admitted, pressing a slow, torturous kiss to the corner of his mouth. “I’ve heard the women you’ve brought home… wondered.” Another kiss. “I’m curious.”
Dean nearly groaned. The idea of you—you—wondering about him that way, thinking about what it would be like between you… Jesus.
And then you kissed him, slow and deep, and Dean was gone.
“I don’t want to think about politics right now,” you confessed breathlessly against his lips. “I don’t want to think about consequences, or what’s right or wrong. I just want you—right now. If you want me too?”
Dean knew there should be a pause, a moment to reconsider, but the second the words left your lips—combined with the way you were looking at him like he was something to be devoured—every logical thought went out the window.
Fuck it.
Instead of answering, he kissed you—hard. And when you moaned appreciatively against his mouth, all bets were off. This wasn’t about feelings or what-ifs. This was heat and need, two people chasing a high neither of them was willing to resist.
With a firm arm around your back and the other gripping your thigh, Dean stood effortlessly, lifting you as if you weighed nothing. You gasped, clinging to him, arms around his neck, legs wrapped tight around his waist. He felt everything—every inch of you pressed against him, driving him insane.
Your lips never broke apart as he carried you toward your room—the closest out of the two.
And maybe, deep down, there was a nagging voice whispering about consequences. About what this meant. But right now?
Right now, he wasn’t listening.
And neither were you.
Your mind was screaming at you.
What are you doing?
This is Dean.
But you couldn’t stop. You didn’t want to stop. You were too wound up, too sexually deprived, too drawn to the way he looked at you—like you were something sacred, something he had to taste, to touch, to have. And he was right here. Willing. Eager. His hands gripping you tight as he carried you into your bedroom, lips never leaving yours.
The door barely clicked shut before he was lowering you onto the bed, his weight settling between your legs, pressing you down into the mattress. His mouth moved over yours with aching precision, slow but deep, savouring, like he had all the time in the world. Like he wanted to take his time.
It was intoxicating.
Dean groaned as you arched up into him, his hands skimming down your sides, exploring, memorising. His lips broke from yours just long enough to kiss a trail down your jaw, your throat, sucking lightly where your pulse pounded against your skin. It made your head spin.
And then lower.
He lifted your shirt inch by inch, his calloused fingers dragging over your heated skin as he peeled it up and over your head. His breath hitched.
“Jesus.”
Dean’s eyes darkened as he took you in—bare from the waist up, nipples hardened from both the cool air and the sheer intensity of his gaze.
“Fuckin’ knew you’d be perfect,” he murmured, running his hands over your stomach, thumbs grazing just beneath your ribs.
Then his mouth was on you again.
Soft, open-mouthed kisses along your stomach, a flick of his tongue just above the waistband of your sweatpants, then back up. Slow, torturous. His lips followed the curve of your ribs, his nose brushing against the underside of your breast.
Your pussy throbbed, desperate and aching, as he finally took one of your breasts into his mouth, sucking lightly, swirling his tongue around your hardened peak. Your back arched, a needy sound escaping you. He took his time, learning every sensitive spot, making you squirm, making you need.
And then he was moving again.
Dean took his time undressing you completely, peeling away your sweatpants, your panties, his hands exploring each new inch of bare skin like he was memorising a damn map.
He wanted to remember this, wanted to carve the image of you into his mind—the way your body responded to him, the way you trembled under his touch.
He shoved down any nagging thoughts, anything that whispered about how this might mean something. Not tonight. Tonight, all he cared about was this.
You.
Dean settled between your legs, kissing his way down again, teasing at your hip bone, the sensitive skin of your inner thigh. You gasped as he nipped at the sensitive flesh, as he breathed against your aching core, so close yet so cruelly far.
“Dean,” you whimpered, hands threading through his hair, nails scraping lightly at his scalp.
He groaned at that, and then—
His mouth was on you.
Your whole body jerked as his tongue flicked against your clit, hot and wet and perfect. He took his time, using slow, deliberate strokes before sucking you into his mouth, making your thighs twitch, your fingers tightening in his hair.
You had never felt anything like this.
But now you understood.
Now you knew exactly what all those women had meant, why they couldn’t stop coming back for more.
Dean Winchester could ruin a girl.
And right now, you were happy to be wrecked.
Your thighs threatened to squeeze around his head, but his hands gripped your hips, keeping you open, keeping you at his mercy. He worked you relentlessly, alternating between slow, teasing licks and firm, dizzying pressure. The coil in your stomach tightened, higher, hotter—
“Dean—”
“C’mon, sweetheart,” he muttered, voice husky against your slick folds. “Let me taste it.”
That was all it took.
Pleasure crashed over you in waves, stealing the air from your lungs. You cried out, arching off the bed as your climax ripped through you, your entire body shaking. Dean groaned against you, drinking in every last bit, licking and sucking you through the aftershocks until you were trembling beneath him, completely undone.
When he finally pulled away, his lips were slick, his pupils blown wide.
And then he was kissing you again, deep and desperate, letting you taste yourself on his tongue as he pressed you back into the mattress.
All too soon he pulled back, shifting onto his knees. You blinked up at him, dazed, still trembling from your release, but your breath hitched when he removed his t-shirt in one fluid, over the head motion. And then you watched in anticipation as his hands move to his belt.
He made quick work of it, the metal clinking softly in the quiet room before he popped the button of his jeans, dragging the zipper down. He didn’t look away from you as he shoved them down his hips, along with his boxers.
Your mouth went dry.
Dean Winchester was beautiful.
Broad shoulders, toned stomach, strong arms lined with freckles and old scars. And lower—your thighs instinctively pressed together at the sight of him, long and thick, already so hard, flushed, the tip glistening.
Heat surged through your body, desire burning anew.
Your hands moved on their own, reaching for him, fingers wrapping around his length, feeling the weight of him in your palm.
“Jesus,” you breathed, stroking him experimentally, watching how his abs tensed, how his jaw clenched.
Dean groaned, low and guttural, but his hand shot out, gripping your wrist and stilling your movements.
“Don’t,” he gritted, his eyes almost wild as they locked onto yours. “Not now. I—” He swallowed thickly, exhaling a shaky breath. “I won’t last.”
The admission sent a fresh wave of arousal through you, and the way he was looking at you—so desperate, so wrecked—made you dizzy.
Dean inhaled sharply, trying to compose himself, then rasped, “You got a condom?”
You nodded, reaching for the drawer in your nightstand. Your hands fumbled slightly as you pulled one out, but before you could tear it open, Dean’s fingers brushed yours.
“Let me,” he murmured, his voice like gravel.
You swallowed hard, watching as he ripped the foil, rolling the condom down over his length with practiced ease.
The sight alone had you clenching around nothing.
And then he was over you again, bracing himself on his forearms, his lips hovering just above yours. His eyes searched your face, softer now, less frantic.
“You sure?” he asked, his voice quieter, rough with restraint.
Your heart thundered.
But there wasn’t a single doubt in your mind.
“Yeah,” you whispered, brushing your lips against his.
Dean didn’t hesitate.
The first push was slow, stretching, filling, overwhelming. A deep, strangled groan rumbled from his chest as he sank into you completely, his forehead pressing against yours, his arms trembling as he held himself still.
“Fuck,” he rasped. “You feel so good.”
You clung to him, breathless, nails digging into his back.
He gave you a moment, then started to move—slow, steady rolls of his hips, pulling out just to push back in, his cock dragging against all the right places. The pleasure was immediate, sharp and electric.
Dean’s lips ghosted over yours, his hands gripping your hips, his movements deepening.
You could feel everything.
Every inch of him, every shuddered breath, every lingering trace of restraint slipping away with every thrust.
Your body arched into his, overwhelmed by the way he filled you, stretched you. The heat coiling in your stomach wound tighter and tighter, your nails digging into his shoulders as he drove into you at just the right angle.
“Oh, God—” you gasped, head tipping back against the pillow, eyes screwing shut.
Dean groaned, dipping his head to press his lips to your throat, sucking at the sensitive skin.
“Fuck, sweetheart,” he rasped, his breath ragged against your neck. “You feel so fucking good. You—” His sentence cut off with a sharp inhale when you clenched around him.
Your whole body was alight, buzzing, your mind a mess of sensation as he thrust deep, pushing you closer and closer to the edge.
“Dean—” His name tumbled from your lips, needy, desperate, and that was all it took.
Like a snapped tether, pleasure crashed over you, stealing the air from your lungs. You clenched around him, back arching, hands fisting the sheets as wave after wave of ecstasy ripped through you.
Dean groaned at the feel of you squeezing him so tightly, his rhythm faltering.
And then he was right behind you.
His movements turned erratic, rough, as he buried himself deep with a strangled curse, his muscles going rigid. His breath stuttered, and then he was gone, undone, spilling into the condom with a deep, shuddering groan.
For a long moment, the only sounds in the room were your heavy breaths, your hammering hearts.
Then, Dean collapsed on top of you, panting hard, his body heavy and warm, his face buried against your neck.
You felt like you were floating. Like something inside you had fundamentally changed, but you shoved the thought away, fingers absently trailing through his damp hair as you both struggled to come back down to earth.
Dean let out a breath, his lips ghosting over your collarbone. After a moment, he shifted, bracing a hand on the mattress and rolling onto his back beside you.
A beat of silence.
And then you exhaled a breathless laugh.
“Wow.”
Dean chuckled, running a hand down his face. “Yeah.”
You turned your head to look at him, still gloriously naked, his chest rising and falling steadily, his skin flushed, his hair thoroughly mussed.
There was a something beginning to bubble in your chest, something unwanted, as you looked at him and so you forced yourself to push it down. And then a thought came to mind, a very reckless, possibly disastrous, thought, but you went with it.
“So…” you started, rolling onto your side, propping yourself up on an elbow.
Dean turned his head toward you, his expression unreadable. His hair was still a mess from your fingers, his skin warm where it brushed against yours. Too close. Too easy to want more.
“What now?” he asked, his voice rough, like he wasn’t sure he wanted to know the answer.
You swallowed. Don’t think about how it made you feel. Don’t think about what it meant.
“Well,” you said carefully, forcing a smirk, “that was… really fucking good.”
Dean huffed a quiet laugh, mirroring your smirk. “Not gonna argue there.”
You hesitated, fingers tracing idle patterns against the sheet beneath you. Then, before you could lose your nerve, you pushed forward.
“I have a thought,” you murmured, glancing at him from beneath your lashes. “A proposition, if you will.”
Dean’s expression didn’t shift, but he hummed in acknowledgment, silently urging you to continue.
You bit your lip, playing it off like it was nothing. “We’re obviously… good at this,” you said, your voice light, teasing—though the weight in your chest begged to be acknowledged. “And we’re friends. We trust each other, right?”
Dean frowned slightly, tilting his head. “Yeah?” he drawled, curiosity flickering in his gaze.
You shrugged, forcing yourself to sound casual. “I was thinking… maybe we don’t have to stop.”
His brows lifted in surprise. That was not what he was expecting. Hell, what was he expecting? This whole situation was... He didn’t even know at this point.
Dean didn’t say anything at first, and the silence made your stomach twist. You felt the need to fill it—to justify.
“The way I see it, neither of us wants the hassle of a relationship,” you continued, keeping your tone light, matter-of-fact. “I mean, you’ve said it yourself—you don’t do relationships. And I’ve kind of… given up on the idea.” You gestured vaguely between you. “So why not just—enjoy this? No strings, no expectations. Just… fun.”
The words felt wrong in your mouth, but you ignored it.
Dean’s fingers flexed where they rested against the mattress. His gaze stayed on you, unreadable, and for a second, you thought he might laugh in your face. Call you crazy. Tell you this was a terrible idea.
Instead, he exhaled softly, nodding.
“Yeah. Okay.”
You let out a breath, relieved. Ignoring the tiny voice in your head screaming this is a mistake.
Dean didn’t want more.
And if you pretended you didn’t either, you could have some part of him, at least.
Better than nothing.
You had no idea he was thinking the same damn thing.
AN: I hoped you guys enjoyed this part, things are really stating to get moving 😅, there is a lot more of this story to come, more of these two idiots not realising what is so obvious! 🥲 As always I'd love to hear what you all think? ❤️
Side note: The scene I had in mind 😂 👇🏻
If you would like to be tagged in my future works please respond to this >form< so I can add you to the character's you'd like 😊
Dean Winchester/series Tag List:
@bettystonewell , @nancymcl , @happyfxckinghorrors , @ambiguous-avery @jollyhunter @tbgfvfdcb @crooked-haven @chevroletdean @paganvamp @stoneyggirl2 @deans-baby-momma @spnaquakindgdom @ladykitana90 @lyarr24 , @impala67rollingthroughtown @jackles010378 @riteofpassage77 @spnaquakindgdom @fangirlingfromdownunder @cevansbaby-dove @star-yawnznn @piptoost @shadysoulangel @deansimpalababy @megara0224
Next time...
Slowly, you padded across the floor, stopping just outside the shower door. With one last exhale of doubt, you pulled it open and stepped inside. Dean startled, his head whipping toward you, eyes wide with a mixture of alarm and surprise. “What the—” Before he could finish, his expression twisted in pain, and he squeezed his eyes shut. “Shit.” He hissed, rubbing furiously at them as soap trickled down into his lashes. Biting back a laugh, you reached for his arm and guided him under the spray, watching as the water rinsed the suds away. Okay, maybe this wasn’t quite as sexy as you had planned. When he finally blinked his eyes open, he turned to you, first in disbelief—then in something far more dangerous. His gaze darkened, sweeping over you from head to toe, and fuck. He could never get used to this. To you. Perfect. “Well, this is somethin’,” he smirked...
#the arrangement series#supernatural#dean winchester#dean winchester x reader#dean x reader#dean winchester x you#dean winchester au#dean winchester smut#dean x reader smut#dean x you#spn fanfic#spn imagine#spnfamily#dean x y/n#jensen ackles#spn#spn fanfiction#abbalina writes
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thinking about young dean who dreamed of being a rock star. dean who wanted to go to college and have friends and stay in one place long enough to plant roots. dean who thrived at sonny's, who won the state wrestling championship. dean who when he was 12 wanted to play on the baseball team and then pretended not to care when john moved them around too much for him to be part of any teams. dean who loved being a P.A. because he liked to be part of a team. dean who wanted a normal job and a normal life. dean who got his GED quietly, secretly, despite not needing it for the life he led, but he wanted it. perhaps because he was still dreaming of an after. because john always said there would be an after. "after we kill this thing...after we avenge mary..." because despite all john's faults and failure, he was still, paradoxically, a dreamer. he was still mary's suburban dream. he still believed, despite everything, that the past 22 yrs could be overcome by simply killing the demon. that at the end of it, they'd go back to being a normal family. sam would go to college. dean would have a home. and i imagine him telling his kids this, that it all ends when they kill the thing that killed mary. that's the finish line. in lebanon, john is shocked to find that was not the finish line. shocked that there was no return to the Normal, no white picket fences. he doesn't understand that they were all irrevocably changed the night mary died and john chose to seek revenge. but anyway, i think of young dean, holding onto that belief, for a time, that there could be a life after hunting. so he gets his GED, just in case. because he's still dreaming, despite, despite. and i think of dean who outwardly scoffed at apple pie this and that, and whose favorite food is pie. dean who seeks home cooked meals and comforts. dean who wishes for food he doesn't have to buy at a mini mart. dean who nests when he finally has a static place to call home. dean who decorates his room with pride, who grins giddy at the thought of a mattress that remembers him. not an anonymous motel bed, but one that is his own, that will mold to the shape of him. dean who michael drowns in "contentment" and his contentment is simply...not hunting. his contentment is being the safe place to land for his family and having a normal job and serving others. his contentment is waiting for his family to come home and offering them a drink and some food. he doesn't want for much, but he wants his family to be safe and cared for. dean who pretends to be a horrible cook to comfort his mom, the actual horrible cook. dean who bakes his kid a lopsided cake (his first time baking!) out of love. dean who sees a married couple dancing together in their living room and thinks "i always thought i could do that (have that)." dean who earlier in that same episode takes pointers from garth on how to "dance", following along until he can do it himself and then dancing with LAMP. dean who, even after losing everything, after losing his best friend and his HEART, still tries, even if he is perhaps going through the motions, still tries to live some kind of normal, who picks up a job application, who still dreams of doing something other than hunting. because hunting was never the dream. because inside of him is still a little kid who wanted to be rockstar, or a mechanic, who wanted more, and thought maybe he could actually have it.
#I'M FEELING EMO ABT IT ALL#emo for baby dean and his big dreams#emo for older dean and his continued hope and perseverance despite everything !#emo that he never got to have it in the end#vic.txt#young dean#dean studies
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Rightfully deceived

Chapter 8
Summary: When a marriage promise forces Y/N to step up for her younger sister, she gets something she always wanted. But when the truth comes out, her new husband Dean is not so happy about the mix-up. Will she loose it all? Or will she be surprised in the end?
Pairing: AU!Dean Winchester x Reader
Word Count: 5669 (again, I'm sorry! 🫣)
Warnings: everything a finale might entail.
A/N: It's done! This beast of an ending is finished! I hope you all will like it the way I do! 😃 All mistakes are mine! Enjoy!
Series Masterlist My Masterlist
The whole day went well. In fact, the whole of last week had gone pretty well. Dean hadn't known exactly what would happen if Y/N's family came to visit. Her father wasn't much different than before the wedding. But Helena...
He didn't know how he imagined they would meet, but he definitely didn't expect her to immediately seek his company. At first Dean had been unsure how to act. But then he fell back into old behavior patterns quite easily. And the more time he spent with the younger of the two sisters, the more it felt like back then. It took him back to the time when he had courted her.
But this time Helena seemed to be more open towards him, as if she was now more able to get involved with him and that did something to him. There were these moments over and over again, the smallest moments. They came soft and quietly, like a gentle touch, and whispered to him that it could always be like this. Then every time he looked over at Helena as she laughed and looked for him, he remembered what he had originally wanted. She had been the woman he had wanted to marry from the start. And the way it was right now, it could be like this forever.
Even though November was slowly coming to an end and it was noticeably cold, today the sun shone down from a bright blue sky and lit the way for them during their little ride. By now they were on the way back and Dean was telling a story from his childhood. The blonde woman at his side seemed to be listening attentively, eventhough she barely participated in the conversation.
And so a few minutes later he came to the end of his story and they rode on in silence. Even now she still didn't say much about herself. That made Dean a little suspicious, but he already knew that from her.
After they rode over the last hill, his castle came into view again and suddenly his heart felt a little heavy. Y/N’s face appeared in his mind’s eye and he frowned. How different sisters could be. His wife had told him a lot about herself. From the beginning he felt like she shared almost everything with him and secretly he had liked it. And once he had let her in, once he had overcome his anger after she fell sick, he started to like her.
The days they spent together were light and happy. They shared stories and made small memories. Her experience as a leader of the house was surprisingly giving him a big support. After her mother had sadly died, she had to step up and Dean realized at one point that they had a lot in common.
And they started to share the nights together. After they had sex the second time in the morning he got reminded on what he had liked about her the first night. Her scent was still so intoxicating. He had ordered her soap so that she would not run out of it for a while. Her body soft and warm and she still fitted right into his arms, over time he couldn't get enough of her. How confusing this all was. In his mind he had a clear vision, but his heart seemed to want something else.
When they arrived back in front of the castle, Helena's father was already coming towards them. Dean got off his horse, handed it over to Benny, who was already waiting, and then helped Helena dismount. They smiled at each other briefly before the young woman turned to her father.
"Pack your things, daughter. We will leave first thing in the morning."
"Really?" she asked, sounding a bit surprised.
Her father just nodded. Huh. The disappointment at this news didn't spread through Dean as much as he thought it would. Of course he thought it was a shame that she was leaving again, but somehow he had internally expected a stronger reaction on his part.
The second person who came out of the castle towards them was Ellen. With a quick step she stopped in front of Dean and told him what had happened just an hour before and that Y/N had almost been seriously injured. This news, on the other hand, triggered a lot of things in him. Ellen immediately showed him the place where the large stone figure was still lying on the ground. With a searching look, Dean looked up and immediately recognized the spot where the figure had been placed. Weird. Normally the anchor wouldn't just break like that. It was solid craftsmanship.
"Nothing happened to her, luckily." Ellen Dean answered a question he was about to ask. "But she's upstairs now. That... shook her up quite a bit."
Dean could well imagine that. Still, an inner feeling urged him to check on his wife and make sure she was okay. With a curt nod, he turned around and made his way into the inside of the castle when his eyes fell on Helena again, who smiled at him. This caused his steps to slow slightly for a moment before he hurried again.
Mixed feelings accompanied him up the stairs. Dean hadn't expected that seeing Helena again would upset him so much. It was as if he had been reminded of the shame of the false wedding and the woman he actually wanted. A woman who also seemed to be looking for his company. He ignored the small doubt that arose in his mind as to why she hadn't come to the wedding herself.
When he reached the bedroom door, he took a quick breath before opening the door and stepping inside. But as soon as he closed it behind him again, Y/N suddenly ended up in his arms. The slight impact meant that he had to briefly correct his stance. His arms automatically closed around Y/N and the calm that suddenly spread through him grounded him. But he only allowed this feeling for a moment.
He slowly peeled her out of his embrace and put a few steps distance between the two of them. He leaned down a little to look her in the eyes and examined her for a moment.
"Are you okay?" he asked and Y/N nodded her head.
Relief flooded through Dean and he closed his eyes briefly. But then he let go of Y/N and put more steps between the two of them as he ran his hand over his mouth in thought. Y/N was now his wife. The one he didn't actually want and yet she brought out more emotions in him than he would have liked.
"I think that was planned. I mean... something like that doesn't just fall off the wall, does it?" Y/N continued, bringing Dean's attention back to her.
"No, not really. At least it shouldn't." he replied.
"I think that...someone is still targeting me."
"Y/N..."
"Please Dean, just think about it. This... this can't be a coincidence!"
He was about to contradict her, but this time he couldn't. This action seemed strange even to him. But he still couldn't imagine who it could really be and why. So he just said nothing. He couldn't have guessed that he was only fueling Y/N's insecurity.
"Don't you think so?" So Y/N asked again.
"I... I'm not sure." was all he could say.
But he didn't need to say more, because Y/N could already feel the distance that was now spreading between them again. The brief moment in which she had finally felt close to him again, in which he might have believed her without a doubt, was gone and that scared her.
"Why are we drifting apart again, Dean?" So she asked with her heart pounding and received a surprised look from her husband. "What happened to us in the last week?"
Now Dean turned away from her. "It's not that easy, Y/N." and it wasn't.
But another thing became clear to him. He needed to sort out his feelings and he couldn't do that here. Not if he continued to share a room with Y/N. So he grabbed some clothes and his soap. Y/N raised her eyebrows in surprise.
"What...what are you doing?" she asked.
"I'm going to sleep in a different room tonight. Just for... tonight." Dean then told her.
"What?" Y/N was now starting to panic a little.
"I... need time to think. This is all... kind of confusing."
"You mean your feelings for Helena." she threw back at him and he heard her hurt.
"That too, yes," he admitted. "Look, I'm just trying to be honest here."
"But Dean... we're married now. Shouldn't we... talk about it?"
He couldn't leave her alone now. Again. Not after what had happened today. Shouldn't he be over Helena by now? Otherwise he wouldn't have finally gotten involved with Y/N. Or would he?
"I just need the distance now. Besides, Helena and your father are going home tomorrow morning. So..."
With this news, his behavior made sense, of course. But it still hurt Y/N again.
"Oh, I see. Because you can't bear the thought of her leaving... and then you'll be here alone with me again."
The words had a sharp undertone, but Dean immediately heard between the lines what she meant. "I didn't say that. Y/N..."
"I'm really sorry that it's such a pain to be married to me." she whispered now, tears beginning to gather in her eyes.
"No, it's not like that. But..." he broke off his sentence. He didn't want to see her so hurt, but he also knew that his words wouldn't make it any better.
"But what?" Y/N asked anyway.
"I... I always just wanted to marry Helena. Not you." he still said it now.
And the same old story again. She was the woman nobody wanted. Everyone always just wants Helena. And even though she was the big sister and had to take care of her, she had had enough now. Too much was too much.
"But she never wanted to marry you!" she angrily shouted at him. "The whole time you were courting her, she only put up with it because our father wanted it that way!"
"What?" Dean frowned and looked questioningly at Y/N.
"She never loved you. She didn't even like you. And on the night of the wedding, she ran off with the man she had really loved for years to get married to him instead of you."
"Wait a minute..." so that was the reason why Y/N stepped in for Helena? No, that couldn't be.
"His name is Peter and he worked for my father. She fell for him immediately. And when our father forced the wedding on her, she came to me and begged me to help her. That's why I stepped in for her and married you."
Telling him the whole truth was, surprisingly, a very liberating feeling. It was finally out. Finally he knew the real reason for all this. But she also knew that it would feel different for Dean to know that now.
"That... that can't be." he said to himself, although it sounded pretty logical all in all.
"She never wanted you, Dean." now Y/N's anger had faded and she felt slightly exhausted from the whole day. But she still wasn't quite done. "But... I do."
"That... I..." But Dean didn't seem to have heard her, as lost in thought as he seemed. "I can't do this right now. We... we'll see each other tomorrow."
And with these last words he turned to the door and opened it. He had just stepped into the hallway when Y/N gathered all her courage.
"I love you, Dean!" she called after him, but the door had already slammed shut again, leaving her alone in the room.
"Why can't you see that?"
The next morning, Dean said goodbye to Helena and her father. Sam and Benny stood by his side and all three watched as the carriage slowly drove away. A strange feeling had settled in Dean's stomach. He had been thinking about what Y/N had told him all night and yet he still couldn't quite believe it.
Could he really have been so wrong about Helena? All the conversations they had had, all the time they had spent together, was it really all just a lie? And yet... even if he didn't normally put much faith in his intuition, it told him that this could all be possible.
After he had enough time last night to think about everything, he remembered that he knew this Peter. He had seen him several times when he was visiting them and he had not missed the look he had given Helena. But he didn't get a chance to think about it any further, because suddenly Sam's hand landed on his shoulder.
"So, where is Y/N?" his brother asked. "Didn't she want to say goodby to her family?"
"I don't know." Dean answered. "I haven't seen her this morning."
Sam and Benny exchanged a meaningful look, but Dean didn't notice. He was still too lost in thought.
"Okay." Sam said and turned his brother around who looked at him questioningly now. "I think we need to talk."
Y/N heard the carriage drive away, but didn't want to get up. She had barely slept all night and didn't want to say goodbye to her father and sister. And from the looks of things, they didn't mind either.
After a few more quiet moments, she finally stood up. She put on her dress and made her hair, but she again felt sick to her stomache. Something that has occurred every morning all week. She thought that once her family was gone, she would feel better. But after what happened with Dean, the feeling would probably last a little longer.
Even if she didn't want to, she had to show her face at some point. So she went out into the hallway and immediately ran into Millie, who was about to knock on her door. Her friend was slightly startled, but then seemed relieved when she saw that Y/N was okay.
"They're gone." Millie said.
"I know." Y/N answered.
An understanding silence spread between the two women, because they didn't need to say anything more.
"How about breakfast? You didn't eat anything last night, Y/N."
"I know, but I just can't eat anything at the moment."
"Are you still feeling sick? It's been like this for almost a week now." Millie asked worried.
"Yes, but it's probably just an upset stomach because of the whole situation here. It will definitely pass." she tried to calm her friend down and it seemed to work.
"Okay, but let me get you at least a cup of tea, okay?"
"Yes, please." Y/N smiled. "Go ahead. I'll be right there."
Millie nodded, smiling as well, and made her way back downstairs. As soon as her friend disappeared from her field of vision, Y/N took a quick breath and gathered her nerves before she too wanted to set off.
"Y/N?" she heard a familiar voice behind her. When she turned around, she realized that it was Alex.
"Alex, hey." She said friendly.
"Is Dean with you?" he asked and looked around.
"No, he is not." she actually did not want to think about him before she stood infront of him, but something in Alex's voice seemed off. "Why? Did something happen?"
"Sam and I were just up on the tower and we found something. We wanted to show him."
Now her interest was aroused and she took a few steps towards Alex. "What exactly did you find?"
"From the looks of things, the figure did not fall down on its own, but someone helped it." explained Alex.
This surprised Y/N, but in the end this statement only confirmed her own suspicions. So someone was after her after all. She had to see it with her own eyes.
"I knew it! I would also like to see it and talk to Sam about it."
"Oh, yeah. Sure!" Alex nodded obviously slightly taken aback. "I'll take you up to Sam and then I'll find Dean. That's no problem."
"Then let's go!" said Y/N and Alex cleared the way for her to go ahead.
He pointed her in the direction and waited until she had passed him so that he could walk behind her and Y/N couldn't see the large kitchen knife that was in the back of his belt.
With a whiskey in hand, Dean, Sam and Benny sat in front of the fireplace in the dining hall. Dean was still kinda confused on what Sam was on about, but he welcomed the amber liquid anyways. Sam turned around to see if they were alone in the room, before he started to talk.
"Okay, Dean. What is wrong with you?" he asked quite bluntly.
"What?"
"You seemed so happy in the last month with Y/N. And then her family comes to visit and you change that suddenly."
"It's not that easy, Sam." Dean grumbled and put his glass down in the ground infront of him.
"Yeah, no. I get it. You wanted to marry Helena. I know. But you ended up with Y/N and the two of you seemed to match really well."
"She's one of a kind, brother." Benny agreed with Sam.
"Yeah, yeah, but I catched feelings for Helena!" Dean exclaimed. "That nobody wants to understand this!"
"So that's the reason why you treat Y/N so badly?" Sam asked straight forward.
"I... I treat her badly? Are you serious?" Now Dean got angry.
"You ignored her and just did not care about her. You focused solely on Helena." Benny explained.
"We... we were reconnecting." Now Dean stood up again. "I don't even know why I have to explain myself to you."
"I'm only asking you because I want to understand what's wrong with you, Dean." Sam also stood up now. "Because the Dean I know would never treat a woman like that."
Dean huffed. "I brought Y/N here with me, didn't I? She's here now and I didn't break the deal with her father. So don't tell me I'm treating her badly."
"She has feelings for you, Dean," Sam replied.
"Oh, what nonsense." Dean waved it off and half turned his back on the two men. But the memory of how he had imagined last night that Y/N had called after him that she loved him came right back to him.
"Anyone can see that." Now Benny stood up too.
"But I have much more in common with Helena than with Y/N."
"Really? Like what?" Sam challenged.
"Sam, c'mon."
"No, Dean. I would really love to hear that."
"Well..." Dean gave in. "First of all, the thing about children. I definitely want to have children, in the near future, and Helena wants that too."
"No, brother." Benny now intervened. "That was Y/N. Y/N said that, not Helena. We were all standing at the stables and watching the horses. That was... on the first or second day after they arrived."
Now Dean frowned slightly and thought about it. But it didn't take long for Dean to remember. "Oh. Yes. Okay, you're right, Benny. But... that's not the only thing."
"And what else do you have in common?"
And then Dean started to list. He remembered all the conversations he had had with Helena and the points in which they were so similar. Whether it was about the future of his business, protecting his clan against the redcoats. A possible future in America or their favorite pie.
"And for our honeymoon we wanted to travel across the sea to France. So that Helena could see the stars on the high seas at night," he almost enthused.
"But Dean..." now Sam looked confused. "Everything you just said, every single point, was not said by Helena, but by Y/N."
"No, no, no." Dean shook his head in disbelief. "It was Helena."
"No, it was not! Helena only wants to travel in the near future. She wants to enjoy life and spent a lot of money... basically." Summarized Sam Helena's words in his own way. "She never said anything else."
"You're wrong, Sam."
"No, I am not! I was there too when you talked about these things!"
But Dean didn't want to believe it. He folded his arms in front of his chest and shook his head. None of this was true. He couldn't be so wrong, he hadn't imagined it. Helena had said that, not Y/N.
But Sam didn't want to give up so quickly. "Did you hear that she ran away on the night of the wedding to marry another man?"
"How...?" Dean's eyes widened in surprise.
"Millie heard Helena tell Y/N. Unfortunately, the guy was already married. He even has a son!"
Y/N hadn't told him that last night. Dean let his arms fall again. Something wasn't right here.
"And something else..." now Sam came up to Dean and looked him straight in the eyes. "The thing about seeing stars on the open sea... that was Y/N's wish. Because her mum..."
"...had told her about it so often when she was little." Dean finished the sentence in a whisper and looked at Sam in surprise.
And suddenly everything was there again. The memories, of the conversations. The real memories. Dean saw them one after the other in his mind's eye and he had to sit down. He had heard every word Y/N had ever said. No matter when it was, no matter how often he had visited, she was always there. And something else was there again too.
His memories of the first meeting with Y/N. Her warm gaze and friendly smile. Her shimmering eyes that made his heart beat a little faster. How could he have forgotten that? How could Helena have blinded him that much? It was Y/N. From the beginning, it had always been just Y/N.
When Y/N got to the top of the tower, it didn't take her long to realize that Sam wasn't there. Alex had already closed the door behind her and she turned to him questioningly. She was about to ask him where Sam was, but the look on Alex's face made her stop.
"You're really making it too easy." Alex said and then carefully pulled out the knife.
Y/N's eyes widened in shock and she took a few steps back. She raised her hands defensively.
"What... what are you doing, Alex?" but the young man wasn't listening to her.
"I was actually hoping that my little gift would make you run away, but somehow it didn't work. On the contrary, it brought you and Dean even closer together."
What? Y/N couldn't believe her ears. Alex. It was Alex who was behind all this. That couldn't be true.
"Although..." he pointed at her with the knife and took a few steps back and forth. "At first, things didn't look so bad for me when you were lying in the stable in the cold. I didn't tell anyone that I saw you there because I thought you would freeze to death that night anyway. Then I wouldn't have had to get my hands dirty."
Y/N still remembered that. She had seen Alex walking through the stable when she was hiding there from Dean and had been relieved that Alex hadn't seen her. How foolish of her.
"But then Benny had to find you the next morning. He was in the stable before me, even though I was awake so early. That annoyed me even more because I couldn't be sure that you had actually died already."
The coldness with which Alex spoke made Y/N freeze. She had gotten to know the young man as so friendly and nice that she couldn't imagine that he actually had such an evil side to him. That he was actually capable of something like murder, but apparently she hadn't known him well enough. Because he had cleverly hidden this side from her. And he had kept this side secret not only from her, but also from everyone else.
"So I had to think of something else. But you know what? It wasn't easy because suddenly Dean wouldn't let you out of his sight. You were terribly stuck together."
Y/N carefully looked over her shoulder, but she couldn't see anyone in front of the castle. What should she do now? She had to stay calm and hope that Alex made a mistake. Calling for help was not an option. That might cause Alex to react frantically and she would put herself in danger.
"So I had to wait for a suitable opportunity again. Unfortunately, it seemed to take longer than I thought. After a month, I already felt like I had to come up with something more drastic. Separate you somehow or something. But then your family came to visit and luck was on my side again."
"The statue..." Y/N realized.
"Exactly!" Alex smiled, but not for long. "It took forever to cut the damn thing off without anyone noticing. And when you were finally in the right place, I dropped it. But of course Ellen, our head mom, had to notice and save you."
The contempt with which he uttered the last sentence was written all over his face. He came another step closer and Y/N's heart began to race in her chest. She kept her eyes on the knife.
"So I had to get creative again and look where we are now, just one day later."
"You... you don't have to do this." she stuttered, still keeping her eyes on Alex.
"Aahh, see? You're wrong there." Alex shifted his stance slightly to the side. "That's all I have to do."
And then he leapt forward and swung the knife.
"Dean! Sam!" Millie shouted as she came running into the dining hall.
Sam was up on his feet first. "Millie? What's wrong?"
"It's Alex! The one who is after Y/N! It's Alex!" She came to a halt right infront of Sam.
"What?" All three men said, but not just them.
Ellen stood in the doorway with two other maids and Cassie behind them. All women looked shocked and for a second nobody said a word. But then Sam came back to his sense.
"Wait, how do you know?" He asked.
"I was just upstairs looking for Y/N. She's not feeling well in the last days and I met her in the hallway. We talked and then I went ahead to go down first. But just when I rounded the corner, I heared Alex's voice and I stopped in my tracks." Now she was looking at Sam. "He had said to her that he just had been up on the tower with you."
Dean didn't need to hear anything more. With a determined look on his face, he jumped up and immediately made his way upstairs. Sam and Benny also started running when Millie called for Sam again.
"He had a big kitchen knife with him!"
Now Sam's expression darkened. He turned around once more to take a loaded shotgun from the cupboard next to the stairs and then continued upstairs.
At the last second, Y/N managed to dodge it with a jump, but that brought her to the edge of the tower wall. Alex, on the other hand, almost fell to the ground, but was just able to catch himself. But now pure anger was visible on his face.
"Why are you doing this?" Y/N asked and got back on her feet.
Now Alex looked at her a little astonished. "You really still don't know that?"
Y/N kept her back to the wall and Alex came to a stop just a few steps away from her. The door was now behind him again. The woman infront of him only shook her head no.
Alex huffed. "Well, for Cassie, of course!" he said, looking like it was the most logical answer in the world.
What he didn't notice was the door behind him opening quietly and carefully. Y/N, however, saw it all too well and hoped he wouldn't notice.
"So... did she put you up to it?"
"What? No! Oh god, no. She has no idea about it."
Now the barrel of a gun was visible and then Y/N saw two green eyes directed at her. She would recognize these eyes anywhere and her heart leapt with hope. Still, she had to tear her gaze away from the door and force herself not to look there anymore.
"But I... thought you would love her?"
"I do! That's why I'm doing this!" Alex exclaimed.
"That... does not make sense... don't you think?" tried Y/N to distract him.
"Of course it does!" But when Alex looked at her face he realized that she really didn't understand what he meant and so he started to explain it to her.
"I love Cassie and I want her to be happy. Unfortunately, she doesn't love me, which I can't change. But she loves Dean and she said herself that she can only be happy with him."
Okay, that wasn't anything new for Y/N, but somehow she had a bad feeling about what he was getting at.
"But as long as you're here, she won't be able to be happy with Dean and that's why I have to kill you. So that Cassie can finally take this chance and be happy."
Meanwhile, Dean had stepped through the door and had the shotgun aimed at Alex's head. Behind him, Y/N noticed that Sam and Benny were also there and seemed to be getting ready.
"But if you kill me, Dean will marry Helena. Because that's who he originally wanted to marry, not me."
Now Alex thought for a moment, but quickly recovered. "If it really comes to that, I'll think of something. But now shut up and let me finally kill you!"
The young man was just about to jump forward again when he heard Dean's voice behind him.
"I'd think about that again, son of a bitch!"
Alex looked back in shock, but didn't even have time to take another step. The shot from the gun could be heard across the entire castle. It hit Alex right between the eyes, causing him to stumble backwards a few steps and then fall over the tower wall.
Dean didn't waste another second, dropped the gun to the ground and ran straight to Y/N. He took her face in his hands and saw tears forming in her eyes.
"Are you okay? Did he hurt you?"
"No, he did not hurt me. I'm fine, Dean."
But then Y/N broke down. She began to sob wildly, letting her tears flow freely and clinging to Dean. He immediately took her in his arms and held her tightly while giving her a kiss on her hairline.
"It's over." Dean reassured her. "It's finally all over."
It took a little longer until everyone was back down from the tower. Especially since Y/N didn't want to let go of Dean. He took her down to the kitchen, where Ellen had already prepared a hot cup of tea for her. He slowly released her from his arms so she could sit on a chair. Y/N had calmed down a bit, but her tears hadn't all dried up yet. Ellen touched her lightly on the shoulder and pushed the cup a little closer to her.
"Drink this. It calms the nerves." which in turn meant that Ellen had put a sip of whiskey in the tea. "I'll leave you alone then." and with a gentle smile she disappeared.
"Dean..." Y/N begann, but she did not come very far.
"I'm sorry!" He blurted out. "I'm sorry about everything!"
Y/N had expected everything, but not that. And so she stayed quiet for a moment because she didn't know what to answer or how to react. But she didn't have to wait long for an explanation, because Dean looked at her determinedly and continued.
"I should have believed you. All of this... is so damned my fault. It's only because of me that you got into this situation." He ran his hand through his hair. "Just because I was such an idiot..."
"Dean..." she tried again, but even on the second attempt she didn't get very far.
"I love you." now Y/N was stunned and her eyes widened in utter surprise. "I love you since the first time I Iaid eyes on you."
Again, Y/N felt emotions rising within her and she looked closely at Dean. But she could see nothing but honesty and sincerity in his eyes and so she just let him continue talking.
"But I was just too blind to see it. It took me so long to really see it and so much had to happen for me to finally see it clearly. Sam and Benny also had to talk to me so that I could see my mistakes. But now I know, I know for sure."
Y/N was holding her breath, the tea long forgotten.
"When I look at you, I see the future and I guess I always have. I think I was just too cowardly to admit it to myself. But now I never want to give it up again. I want to spend my life with you, until the end of our days."
And Dean was completely serious. Deep down he knew that was exactly what he was feeling. He was wearing his heart on his sleeve, but the longer Y/N remained silent, the more he became afraid that it might already be too late. But then his wife started sobbing again before she spoke.
"I would be careful with what you say because if you really mean it... then I swear you will never get rid of me." and then she smiled at Dean, while relief and happiness flooded through him at these words.
"I couldn't imagine anything better."
A/N: Aaaand we're done! I'm happy and sad at the same time. 🥹🥹🥹 But I was thinking... since we had so many up's and down's, who would want an epiloge? 🫣 Feedback is very much appreciated! 💜
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#rightfully deceived#midevial!au#spn#dean winchester x reader#supernatural#dean x reader#jensen ackles#scotish men#scotland
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Dean’s Laugh
Pairing: Dean Winchester x Fem!Reader Warning: nothing but fluff Summary: You love Dean’s laugh Word Count: 330
You loved nothing more than Dean’s laugh. His real laugh, the one that rumbled through his chest, the one that made him throw his head back, the same one that made the wrinkles by his eyes appear. That laugh. That beautiful laugh that was music to your ears.
You would do random things just to get him to laugh, which mainly included you embarrassing yourself, to which you didn’t care as long as he laughed you would embarrass yourself every second if possible. Dean knew you were a prankster, so the little pranks you pulled on Sam would send him into a fit of laughter.
Given all that he went through, that man still had a sense of humor, still knew how to let loose and have fun. One night you made Dean laugh so hard beer shot out of his nose, you didn’t do much all it took was a couple funny dance moves, quoting a funny scene in a movie with funny character voices, even as simple as making silly faces.
Sometimes you felt as though he gave you pity laughs, but when his face turns that cute shade of red you knew he wasn’t giving you pity laughs. The two of you could be in bed, talking about your day and you’ll remember something funny that someone said to you and Dean will laugh so hard, it echoes throughout the room.
You never thought in a million years that you’d find a sound that sparked joy as much as Dean’s laugh does. It was almost like angels singing, you couldn't help but be mesmerized by the sound of it.
"Oh, baby, I love your laugh." You cooed, running your fingers through his hair.
He smiled softly at you and held you tighter, everything he was so insecure about, you loved. He admired the way you could help him overcome his insecurities by showering him with love and affirmations. He was finally happy and content with his life.
A/N: I hope you guys like this if you want to be tagged in future fics comment here or send me a message. Likes, comments, and reblogs are appreciated. 🥰
Main Masterlist - Dean Winchester Masterlist
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#dean x reader#dean winchester texts#dean winchester x reader#dean winchester fic#dean winchester#supernatural
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so, here's some long meta that no one cares about for 5.14 my bloody valentine and dean's relationship with sam's demon blood addiction
ok far be it for me to defend s5 dean, but i actually think the criticism of dean in 5.14 my bloody valentine is too harsh
the thing i think dean messed up on is not reassuring sam that his sudden desire for demon blood isn't his fault and he doesn't need to be ashamed of it because it's literally because of famine. the horseman is making everyone crave something so badly they kill themselves, including castiel, an actual angel of the lord who can't overcome his desire for red meat to the point that he's literally on all fours in front of famine scarfing down hamburger, not a care in the world while famine is getting read to eat a soul and do who knows what with dean
the thing is sam is so obviously embarrassed and ashamed, especially considering how earlier in the season dean was a huge dick about it, saying he couldn't trust if sam was really clean and didn't want it anymore, ect. if anything, the way sam reacts to the cravings, before they know what's going on, shows that he really had pretty much moved past it - even that low level of craving he had in the beginning was different enough to be noticeable.
the "i think i'm hungry for it" "hungry for what?" "you know." "demon blood? are you kidding me?" exchange is something else i see brought up - but i don't think dean is saying demon blood out loud to be a dick, to push the point and enforce sam's shame like i've seen people say about this moment. i think he's scared of sam's addiction and that jesus, are you fucking kidding me tone isn't really about sam
the thing is dean has decided that sam's addiction has made him a different person, that it wasn't really him and what he did while under the influence wasn't his fault. in 5.11 sam interrupted when they're telling the shrink about the apocalypse so they can get committed, dean says of sam starting the apocalypse, "my brother's not a bad guy, he was just high" and he could be just saying that, but if everything else they were saying was true, so i think this is too - this is how dean is rationalizing it. which is better than when he was saying sam was solely responsible for it, but it's still not great
it's just another way to absolve himself of responsibility and deny sam his autonomy
the thing is that demon blood is not portrayed as a 1:1 with real life substance addiction - it's actually portrayed to be much less damaging (something something about how sam managed to go off demon blood on his own, without the panic room, definitely once but possibly twice - after dean comes back from hell, and after killing lilith, but that's not what we're talking about rn), and sam's addiction doesn't seem to really change his personality. the only time this is even sort of true is when he's going through withdrawals, and even then it's an intense focus to get demon blood - and then he's back to baseline, which is not even a little bit how real addiction works
sam doesn't kill lilith because he's high. he kills lilith because that's been the goal the whole time, because he and dean were both led to believe that would stop the apocalypse, not start it. the tunnel vision revenge to kill lilith also isn't addiction related - i've talked about before how i think it's partially motivated by his desire to see if he really could have killed lilith and saved dean from his deal before, but beyond that - sam having tunnel vision revenge tendencies after someone he loves is taken from him is canon. see the entirety of season 1 after jessica. the only thing that snaps him out of it is the threat of losing dean in 2.01. this is just a facet of who he is
sam didn't go after lilith alone because he was high - it's because dean and bobby lied to him and betrayed him and locked him up and left him to die in the panic room. then when dean tracks him down again, despite sam very clearly not wanting him to do that, fresh off demon blood, he still asks dean to join him. he still wants to do this together. he doesn't want to fight. bobby warns dean to be good to sam, but he's so angry that he pushes and pushes sam until he throws a punch. after that first punch, sam hesitates. he still doesn't want to fight dean. he stands there, doing nothing, waiting to see what dean's going to do - hoping, maybe, that dean will do what he did back when dean lost his temper and punched sam in 2.03 - nothing. instead, dean starts up the fight again, and when sam leaves, throws dad's words back at him
dean talks about sam trusting a demon over his brother, but the thing is dean agrees to go after lilith with sam - as long as he leaves ruby behind, even though ruby is the one that knows where lilith is. also, he trusted an angel over his brother, and that sounds more reasonable on paper, but the the thing is they were both manipulated by ruby/cas.
the reason sam went after lilith alone is because that's what dean pushed him to do. it's not because he was high. saying it was about that absolves sam of his responsibility, sure, but it also absolves dean of the part he played too. worse, dean may say it, but sam knows better. he knows the demon blood doesn't effect him that way and you can see it on his face when dean says it. so he's stuck between not arguing against that and taking responsibility for his actions, something he's done over and over again and he clearly views as part of his penance, or saying something and risk rocking the tentative truce he has with dean, the brother he loves and really the only person he has left in the world. so of course he lets it lie
(a sympathetic interpretation of this is actually because dean doesn't know his voicemail was changed and the sam he knows wouldn't have still gone after lilith without him after receiving it - and he's right, which is why the angels changed it. so he has to justify it as sam being high, because it's the only way sam going after lilith after hearing him say they're still family and he shouldn't have said those things and he's sorry makes sense - but we've already veered off topic as is)
dean views sam's decision to leave him (his biggest fear/weakness) and his drinking of demon blood to be inextricably linked. additionally, sam has made it clear again and again how he doesn't want to be on demon blood anymore, and now he's craving it again. his first reaction is to tell cas to get sam out of here - but it's too late, because famine already infected him
dean is pretty clearly starting to panic here - it's right there in his voice, in the "then what do we do?" and in the look of desperate fear when he turns to face his brother when sam says "you go and cut that bastard's finger off" (which has the ring, the source of his power, and will get rid of everyone's cravings)
i will say i think this is actually a pretty nice moment for their relationship. sam tells him what to do, how to handle this - and dean pretty visibly calms down, turns to cas and says, "you heard him"
even while being pulled towards demon blood, he lets sam make the call. he doesn't insist cas take him somewhere else anyway, he doesn't dismiss sam of not being in his right mind - he does what sam says
which includes handcuffing him
sam is the one that asks to be restrained while dean and cas go after famine. he says to make it good, but dean only handcuffs him to the sink - i was like, come on, the teenagers that captured sam in 5.12 do a better job of tying him up than that
then dean and cas go after famine and cas is too busy shoving hamburger down his throat to do anything and there's like a dozen demons and a literal horseman in front of him. dean's screwed
except famine sent demons after sam, who kills them and drinks their blood. this is not anymore sam than the virgin who ate her lover was herself or the guy who hadn't had alcohol in 20 years and then drank himself to death was himself. sam so far had resisted his cravings in their entirety, not even licking the blade with demon blood, no matter how clearly he wanted to, which is something no one else has been shown able to do
sam shows up, mouth still bloody, and dean's horrified. famine says that sam has nothing to fear and offers him the blood of the dozen demons surrounding them while dean begs him not to do it
cas, mr "i'm an angel, i can stop whenever i want to" is still eating meat off the ground at this point. that's how powerful famine's pull is. and cas's craving is just based on his vessel liking red meat
sam says no
he uses his powers to pull the demons out of the vessels, making their blood useless to him. famine eats the souls instead and sam uses his powers to pull all the souls that famine has eaten out of him, leaving him powerless. sam's powers saving the day again (samhain, alistair) but it's a power he didn't want to use - a power he wouldn't have needed to use, if castiel had a will equal to his own
the next scene is the one people tend to judge dean for pretty harshly, but i'm going to offer a counterargument to that
sam's in the panic room again while dean and cas are outside. i do think a sam that asked to be locked down and refused famine pulling at him drink demon blood did go in there willingly, while he was still in his right mind - before the withdrawal hits. he's calling out - saying "no, please! don't! dean! cas! are you there? dean, help me!"
cas says, "that's not him in there. not really." dean says, "i know" and cas tries to say that sam just has to get it out of his system, then he'll be - and dean walks away, saying he needs some air
a lot of people take dean and cas's exchange to mean that once again sam isn't sam when he's on demon blood - when he's high - and leaving him to suffer alone as a form of punishment/weakness
but i don't think so - and i'm pretty hard on s5 dean's treatment of sam
the thing is, sam just refused famine and pointedly didn't give in to his cravings when cas did. he saved dean, choosing him over demon blood, the thing that in dean's view he hadn't done before
and dean is powerless to do anything for him in return
i think sam is hallucinating in the panic room just then, just like he did the first time. and just like before, when he's hallucinating and detoxing he's using his powers, throwing things around the room. there's no reason to think this time is any different than last time. which means 1. even if dean or cas were in there, there's a decent chance sam wouldn't be able to tell. and 2. it's not safe for them, or at least dean to be in there. maybe cas could, but he's low on mojo and frankly i think sam's powers are strong enough to knock an angel around pretty good if he wanted to
sam's not asking to be let out. he's asking for his brother (which is actually another good sign for their relationship, i think, because last time he hallucinated dean saying he hates him and this time, even addled, he believes that dean would be there and helping him if he could) and i think it's pretty clearly killing dean that he can't go and help him. it's actually specifically because sam isn't asking to be let out that i think the hallucination/powers explanation makes more sense than anything else, because if dean being in there really would provide some sort of comfort to sam, i think he'd be there. there's not really an explanation for why he wouldn't that tracks with the rest of his behavior this episode
when he gets outside, he tosses his drink aside and cries. he prays to the god he doesn't believe in "please. i can't... i need some help. please?"
dean doesn't suffer from any cravings because of famine and famine tells him that's because he's dead inside. this is very obviously not true. one, because dean has show real enjoyment in food and drink and sex in previous episodes so deciding right at this moment that it doesn't exist doesn't really make any sense, and for another - sam is, as always, still able to pull emotions from him that he's shoved down. hell, if anything, famine should have given him a craving for his brother and dean should have spent the whole episode trying to not lie on top of him like a cat
(my personal explanation for this that isn't bad writing is that dean's real craving is just for some numbness, that he's tired of feeling everything he's repressing all the time - and then when famine discovers he's here he purposely doesn't pull any deeper as a way to fuck with dean's head, to break his spirit, to make him that much more likely to say yes to michael and give them the apocalypse they want so badly)
dean is so low at this moment i think because he couldn't protect sam, couldn't help him, and it's a canon component of his character that failing to protect/save sam is gutting for him (shtriga and cold oak as stand out examples but also, like, see: the whole damn show)
he locked sam up and left him helpless for when demons come after him. watch his face when he famine says he sent the demons for sam to consume - it's panichorrorguilt. sam asked him to do it, it's not his fault, but he put those handcuffs on sam and he blames himself for it. then sam has to save his ass using his powers, again, and dean can't do anything but listen to him suffer
sam did the thing that dean asked of him, he picked dean over demon blood, first by asking to be restrained and sending them after famine, then again when he refuses to drink the demons famine offers him
and dean couldn't do anything for him
he couldn't stop the demons that famine sent to his brother, he couldn't stop famine in time to make sam's artificial cravings go away, he can't even help his brother when he's calling out for him
sam trusted him and he failed
(i do not actually think this is his fault - what was he supposed to do? he did everything he could. it just wasn't enough. but even if it wasn't in dean's nature to blame himself for things he shouldn't - and not blame himself for things he should - the cold facts of the situation are crushing enough)
what's he supposed to do now?
they stopped famine. it should be a victory. this is a battle won in the war of stopping the apocalypse. but dean breaks down in a way the actual losses haven't pulled from him because dean of the one track mind really only has one concern, one question, and in that area, this was a loss, not a victory
how does he save his brother?
#anyway two episodes later he's back to being a huge dick to sam again but whatever#adds to the list writing a fic where dean does actually get famine's craving and it is for sam and he spends the whole time#trying not to be an even bigger freak than normal#and failing#supernatural
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It's the Great Pumpkin, Sam Winchester | Supernatural Series Rewrite | Dean Winchester x Fem!Reader
Pairing: Dean Winchester x Fem!Reader (...?)
Warnings: angstangstangstangstangst, canon violence, canon gore, manipulation, abusive dynamics
Word Count: 4338
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Dean’s ghost sickness had actually been quite eye-opening for you. It made you realize that even though he had no idea what you’d done, he was still turning to you for comfort in his darkest moments. And by keeping this secret from him, you were hurting him and making him even more paranoid.
You knew you needed to talk to him about what you’d done while he was in Hell. There was no way either of you could heal if you didn’t.
Even despite your revelation, you hadn’t exactly found the right way to bring it up to Dean yet; especially considering Dean wanted to jump straight into hunting again after his ghost sickness.
An awkwardness you’d never had with him before had overcome the two of you. To call the two of you “extremely stubborn” would be a grave understatement. Neither of you would bring up Dean’s ghost sickness, and neither of you would bring up those dreadful four months.
Even still, you were at least able to have a conversation without ripping each other’s heads off.
“C’mon, (Y/N), it’s almost Halloween,” Dean said. “Get into the holiday spirit, huh?”
“Yeah, I just feel like we have more pressing issues to attend to,” you replied. “Apocalypse, end of the world; ringing a bell?”
He scoffed and shrugged. “C’mon. This may be a nothing burger.”
“A guy coughed up razor blades, Dean, that doesn’t sound like a nothing burger to me. Sounds like a witch,” you replied.
“Yeah, okay, you’re right, can we just take this one? Please?” he begged.
“Fine, fine,” you replied.
****
Sure enough, you found a hex bag beneath the floorboards of the victim’s house.
Dean sat on the couch in the motel room he shared with his brother, scarfing down a few pieces of candy.
Sam grimaced. “Really? After that guy choked down all those razor blades?”
“It’s Halloween, man,” Dean replied.
“Our everyday is Halloween,” you told him, looking over Sam’s shoulder at his laptop. “Found anything fun yet?”
“Well, we’re on a witch hunt, that’s for sure, but this isn’t your typical hex bag,” Sam replied, nodding at the contents of the bag scattered across the coffee table. There was a piece of silver about the size of a coin, a few small, charred items, and something that resembled a dried up flower. Sam picked up the latter, saying, “Goldthread, an herb that’s been extinct for two hundred years. And this—” he picked up the silver piece, “is Celtic, and I don’t mean some new age knock-off. It looks like the real deal, like, six-hundred-years-old real.”
“Damn,” you muttered. You looked at one of the small charred objects. “Oh, holy shit.”
“What?” Dean asked.
“Looks like a finger bone. From… a baby,” you explained, looking a little sad.
“Dead on,” Sam noted. “Metacarpal bone of a newborn.”
“Jesus,” you sighed. “Gotta be a pretty powerful one to put a bag like this together. More juice than we’ve ever dealt with.”
“What about you? Find anything on the victim?” Sam asked his brother.
Dean scoffed. “This Luke Wallace? He was so vanilla that he made vanilla seem spicy. I can’t find any reason why somebody would want this guy dead.”
Sam huffed, running a hand through his hair.
“Great,” you grumbled. “We’ll just wait for more bodies to show up, then.”
****
Sure enough, they did. Later that evening, you heard about a death at a high school party on the police scanner. A teenager’s face had been boiled off while she was bobbing for apples; of course, the witch had struck again.
You saw the girl who’d witnessed her friend’s death talking to a police officer, and you took her aside.
“It’s just so weird,” the girl— whose name you learned was Tracy— told you, “the water in the tub— it wasn’t hot, I had just been in there myself.”
“Did your friend know a guy named Luke Wallace?” you asked her.
“Um, who’s Luke Wallace?” she asked.
“He died yesterday,” you responded.
“I don’t know who that is.” Tracy shook her head.
You tilted your head to the side. “I’m not asking if you know him, I asked if she did.”
She looked at the floor, tucking a stray piece of blonde hair behind her ear. “Sorry, I’m sorry. I don’t think she did. If she did, she never mentioned him.”
You nodded. “Thank you. Didn’t mean to scare you. Be safe out there,” you told her, turning away. The look you gave her over your shoulder as you walked away seemed to make her greatly uncomfortable, and you took a little bit of pride in that.
****
While you were busy interviewing the witness, Sam found a hex bag in the couch cushions of the house.
Dean sat behind your computer, scrolling endlessly while you flipped through a book on his bed. Sam was lounging on the other one, reading as well.
“I’m telling you guys, both these vics are squeaky clean,” Dean sighed. “There is no reason for a wicked bitch payback.” Then, you realized something. “ ‘Cause I don’t think it’s about that.”
Dean scoffed. “Wow, insightful.”
“Don’t be a dick,” you scolded, giving him a look. “I think she’s working a spell.” You read from the book, crossing the room to the table Dean sat at. “ ‘Three blood sacrifices over three days, the last before midnight on the final day of the final harvest’.”
Sam noted, “Celtic Calendar, the final day of the final harvest is October thirty-first.”
“What exactly are the, uh, blood sacrifices for?” Dean asked.
“If I’m right about this, it’s a demon: Samhain,” you told them.
“Am I supposed to be impressed?”
You rolled your eyes.
“Dean, Samhain is the damn origin of Halloween,” Sam explained. “The Celts believe that October thirty-first was the one night of the year when the veil was the thinnest between the living and the dead, and it was Samhain’s night. I mean, masks were put on to hide from him, sweets left on doorsteps to appease him, faces carved into pumpkins to worship him. He was exorcized centuries ago.”
“So, even though Samhain took a trip downstairs, the tradition stuck,” Dean said.
Sam nodded. “Exactly, only now, instead of demons and blood orgies, Halloween is all about kids, candy and costumes.”
“Exciting stuff,” you remarked.
“Okay, so some witch wants to raise Samhain and take back the night?” Dean gave you a skeptical look.
Sam scolded, “Dean, this is serious.”
“I am serious.”
“We’re talking heavyweight witchcraft,” you told him. “This ritual can only be performed every six hundred years.”
“And the six hundred year marker rolls around…?”
“Tomorrow night,” you said. Your mind was reeling, wondering how you’d magically happened upon this hunt. Uriel’s words of nothing being coincidence haunted you, and you suddenly remembered he hadn’t spoken to you in almost two months.
You looked down at the page Dean had flipped to; a crude drawing of a demon standing on a huge pile of bodies covered it completely.
“Well, it sure is a lot of death and destruction for one demon,” Dean muttered.
“That’s because he likes company,” Sam told him. “Once he's raised, Samhain can do some raising of his own.”
“Raising what, exactly?”
“Dark, evil crap and lots of it, I mean, they follow him around like the fuckin’ Pied Piper,” the younger brother explained.
“So we're talking ghosts, zombies… leprechauns?”
Sam rolled his eyes. “Dean—”
“Those little dudes are scary,” the older man defended. “Small hands.”
You barely even registered what Sam said next. “Look, it just starts with ghosts and ghouls, this sucker keeps on going, by night's end we are talking every awful thing we have ever seen. Everything we fight, all in one place.”
Dean went quiet for a moment. “It’s gonna be a slaughterhouse.”
Your mind was beginning to flood with thought of the apocalypse, the seals, and everything you’d been hiding. Your breathing labored, time slowed, and you ran to the bathroom to throw your guts up into the toilet.
****
Dean and Sam were obviously incredibly concerned about you, but you couldn’t quite spit it out.
“Dean, I promise, when we’re done with this bitch, I’ll tell you everything,” you assured him. “I just feel like I’ll throw up again if we talk about it right now.”
“Okay, alright, fine,” he responded in a grumble.
You sighed, looking over at him from the Impala’s passenger seat. “It’s not that I don’t trust you. I trust you completely. Please, just… give me a little more time.”
Dean nodded in silent affirmation, still staring across the street at the Wallaces’ house.
“Thank you,” you said.
His phone rang; undoubtedly a call coming from Sam. He put the phone on speaker. “Yeah?” Dean answered.
Sam stayed behind at the motel to research while you went with Dean on a stakeout. “How’s it going?” the younger brother asked.
Dean snorted. “Awesome, yeah, we talked with Mrs. Razor Blade again. Been sitting out in front of her house for hours and got a big steamy pile of nothing.”
You huffed out a short laugh as you listened to him talk.
“Look Dean, someone planted those hex bags: someone with access to both houses. There’s gotta be some connection,” Sam replied.
“Yeah, well, I hope we find ‘em soon, ‘cause I’m starting to cramp like a motherfucker—” he stopped suddenly when he saw something in the house. “Son of a bitch.”
You followed his line of sight to where Tracy, the teenager you’d spoken to at the scene of Jenny’s death, was approaching the house. “Son of a bitch!”
Immediately, Dean headed back to the motel. He slapped his roomkey onto the table, and you stood across from Sam who laid on the bed with his laptop open.
“So, our apple-bobbing cheerleader?” Sam asked when you’d filled him in on the situation.
“Looks like it,” you grumbled, crossing your arms over your chest. “The Wallaces' babysitter. Told me she never even heard of Luke Wallace.”
“Huh,” Sam replied, “interesting look for a centuries-old witch.”
“Yeah, well, if you were a six-hundred-year-old hag,” Dean began, sitting in the chair at the table next to you, “and you could pick any costume to come back in, wouldn't you go for a hot cheerleader? I would.”
You hit his shoulder lightly.
“Well, Tracy’s not as wholesome as she looks. Did some digging, apparently she got into a violent altercation with one of her teachers; got suspended from school,” Sam explained. He turned the laptop around to you and Dean, allowing you to see the full page of information Sam pulled up on Tracy.
Thanks to it, the three of you were able to get to her high school. You were on the way to talk to Don Harding, the teacher she’d gotten into the altercation with.
Various art projects littered the walls beside you and Dean, and he seemed to get particularly transfixed by one of the masks hanging up. It was a demonic-looking mask, and you were sure it was bringing back memories from Hell.
“Bring back memories?” Sam asked his brother.
Dean looked taken aback. “What do you mean?”
‘Yep, definitely a Hell flashback,’ you thought.
“Being a teenager, all that angst.”
You giggled, looking down at your sneakers and trying to distract from Dean’s little moment. “I never went to high school, so, no.”
Sam tilted his head at you. “Really?”
You shrugged. “There was no need. Not like my parents could get arrested for not sending me if Uncle Sam didn’t know I existed.” You nodded over to the boy who’d witnessed the apple-bobbing incident. He was putting a big, bong-shaped piece into a kiln. “Now that brings back memories.”
The man you’d been waiting to see came out from around the corner. “You gentlemen— oh, excuse me, and lady— wanna talk to me?”
“Ah, Mr. Harding,” Sam began.
“Oh, please, Don.” The teacher reached for Sam’s hand.
“Okay, Don,” Sam smiled.
The teacher explained to you that Tracy had moved into town about a year ago and had seemed like an okay student up until recently. She would’ve “clawed his eyes out” had another teacher not intervened since Don confronted her about the nature of her drawings. The way he’d described them, they all seemed to depict graphic sacrifice rituals with various runes scrawled into the paper. He also told you she had an apartment; the witch had been posing as an emancipated teen.
However, when you went looking for her there, she was nowhere to be found. Her friends hadn’t seen her, and neither had the CCTV cameras facing the street outside her apartment building.
As the three of you headed back to the brothers’ motel room, Dean and Sam bickered about the fact that Tracy could be sacrificing another at any time. You pinched the bridge of your nose while Sam unlocked the room.
He immediately drew his gun when he’d gotten it open, and you were put on alert. You frantically searched the room for what Sam saw, and it was like the wind got knocked out of you.
“Whoa, whoa, Sam!” Dean said, making him put his gun down. “It’s Castiel, the angel.” He nodded to the more familiar figure in the room that you were having trouble processing was in front of you. “Him, I don’t know.”
“Uriel,” you breathed out.
Dean looked back at you in surprise while Sam approached Castiel.
“Hello, Sam,” Castiel told him.
“Oh my God— er, uh, I didn’t mean to— sorry. It’s an honor, really, I- I’ve heard a lot about you,” Sam stuttered. He moved to shake the angel’s hand.
Castiel seemed not to understand what was going on for a moment but soon put his hand in Sam’s. “And I, you, Sam Winchester. The boy with the demon blood. Glad to see you’ve ceased your extracurricular activities.”
Uriel remained facing the window, but his voice sent a shiver down your spine. “Let’s keep it that way.”
“Yeah, okay, chuckles,” Dean grunted.
“Dean—” you warned.
His head snapped back to you in confusion as to why you were seemingly defending Uriel. You couldn’t stand to look at him.
“This, the raising of Samhain, have you stopped it?” Castiel asked, looking directly at you.
“Why?” Dean shot back, answering for you.
The angel was clearly not impressed. “Dean, have you located the witch?”
The older brother rolled his eyes. “Yes, we’ve located the witch,” he mocked.
“And is the witch dead?”
“No,” you answered.
“We know who it is, though,” Sam added.
Castiel walked over to the nightstand between Sam’s and Dean’s beds. “Apparently, the witch knows who you are, too.” He picked up a hex bag and showed it to the three of you. “This was inside the wall between your rooms. If we hadn’t found it, surely one or all of you would be dead. Do you know where the witch is now?”
You stepped forward, answering, “No.”
“We’re working on it,” Dean insisted.
“That’s unfortunate,” Castiel stated.
“What do you care?” the older Winchester snapped.
“The raising of Samhain is one of the sixty-six seals,” you explained, continuing to face Castiel and Uriel.
“Wh— Why do you know that?” Dean asked, coming around to stand by you. He apparently shook the thought aside and redirected his anger at Castiel and Uriel. “So, this is about your buddy Lucifer.”
“Lucifer is no friend of ours,” Uriel said.
“It’s just an expression,” you said quietly.
Castiel carried on the conversation. “Lucifer cannot rise. The breaking of the seal must be prevented at all costs.”
“Okay, great, well, now that you’re here, why don’t you tell us where the witch is, we’ll gank her, and everybody goes home,” Dean demanded.
“We are not omniscient. This witch is very powerful; she’s cloaked even to our methods.”
“Okay, well, we already know who she is, so if we work together—”
Uriel cut Sam off. “Enough of this.”
“Okay, why should I care what you say?” Dean snapped.
“Dean!” you scolded as Uriel turned away from the window. “He’s a… a specialist.”
The angel in question stalked toward you specifically.
“What kind of specialist?” Dean questioned, looking between you and Uriel. “What are you gonna do?”
“You need to leave this town immediately, (Y/N). Take the Winchesters with you,” Uriel ordered.
You nodded obediently.
“What is he gonna do?” Dean asked, seeing as Uriel was providing him no answer. “(Y/N), what’s he gonna do?”
“Destroy it,” you responded, voice barely above a whisper. You knew almost everything about Uriel’s angelic powers, and you were far past questioning his practices. When an unbearable silence settled over the room, you started packing Sam’s and Dean’s things into their respective bags.
“Whoa, whoa, whoa, what are you doing?!” Dean demanded, looking at you in bewilderment.
“We’re out of time,” Castiel spoke over Dean. “This witch has to die; the seal must be saved.”
“There are a thousand people here,” Sam challenged.
Dryly, Uriel stated, “One-thousand, two-hundred fourteen.”
“And you’re willing to kill them all?”
“This isn’t the first time I’ve purified a city,” the angel replied.
Castiel stepped in as you continued packing. “Look, I understand this is regrettable—”
“Regrettable?” Dean scoffed.
“We have to hold the line. Too many seals have broken already.”
“So you fuck the pooch on some seals and this town has to pay the price?”
“It’s the lives of one thousand against the lives of six billion. There’s a bigger picture here.”
“Right, ‘cause you’re ‘bigger picture’ kind of guys.”
Castiel’s voice grew louder. “Lucifer cannot rise. He does, and Hell rises with him. Is that something that you’re willing to risk?”
“We'll stop this witch before she summons anyone. Your seal won't be broken, and no one has to die,” Sam tried.
Uriel spat, “We're wasting time with these mud monkeys.”
“I’m sorry, but we have our orders.” Castiel turned away from Dean to face Uriel.
“No, you can’t do this,” Sam pleaded, “you’re angels, I mean you’re supposed to— You’re supposed to show mercy.”
“Says who?” Uriel responded.
“We have no choice,” added Castiel.
“Of course, you have a choice,” Dean argued, stepping closer to the two angels. “I mean, come on, what? You’ve never questioned a crap order, huh? What are you both, just a couple of hammers?”
“Dean, cut it out,” you pleaded from your spot where you’d finished packing his and Sam’s bags.
“Look, even if you can’t understand it, have faith. The plan is just,” said Castiel.
“How can you even say that?” Sam asked.
“Because it comes from Heaven; that makes it just.”
Dean scoffed, “Oh, it must be nice, to be so sure of yourselves.”
“All of you, fucking stop it!” you shouted, effectively stopping them from talking over each other.
Uriel seemed proud while Sam and Dean just looked hurt and confused. You stood between the four men and faced Sam and Dean. “Arguing is pointless. Believe me, I’ve tried. We can’t stay here,” you told them. “Just… let it go.”
Dean looked at you like he had no idea who you were, and it broke your heart to pieces.
“It’d do you well to listen to her,” Uriel stated evenly. “She’s the only one with sense among you.”
You kept your pleading gaze on Dean, but he stared straight over your head at the angels. “Well, sorry, boys; looks like the plans have changed.”
“Dean, no—”
Uriel scoffed. “You think you can stop us?”
The older Winchester marched right up to Uriel and stood in his face, and you were frozen to your spot in fear. “No, but if you’re gonna smite this whole town, then you’re gonna have to smite us with it. Because we are not leaving. See, you went through the trouble of busting me outta Hell. I figure I'm worth something to the man upstairs. So, you wanna waste me, go ahead; see how he digs that.”
The angel growled, “I will drag you out of here myself.”
“Yeah, but you’ll have to kill me, then we’re back to the same problem. I mean, come on, you're gonna wipe out a whole town for one little witch. Sounds to me like you're compensating for something.” He turned to Castiel, shoulders still squared. “We can do this. We will find that witch, and we will stop the summoning.”
Uriel shouted, “Castiel! I will not let these peop—”
Castiel held his hand up to stop him from speaking. “Enough!” He looked between you, Sam, and Dean. “I suggest you move quickly.”
****
And quickly, you did. Aside from communication about the hunt, neither Sam nor Dean spoke to you. You didn’t blame them, but you were more than willing to explain yourself to both of them after the fight was over.
Sam had just as much trouble making peace with the fact that angels were real, and quite frankly, horrible. Dean liked to believe that not all angels were bad, but you’d met several. All of them were terrible.
It was suffice to say your head wasn’t in the game for your fight with Tracy and the art teacher— whom you discovered was her brother— and, as a result, Samhain had been raised. Another seal was broken, and you couldn’t stop it.
The demon successfully got his zombies out of the ground, and you and Dean had to fight hard to subdue them all. Your lack of focus had you making all kinds of mistakes you never would in hand-to-hand combat.
And, much to your dismay, Sam used his powers again. Thinking back on the events of the night just made your chest hurt, and you preferred not to dwell on it much.
The drive back to the motel was absolutely brutal. You’d sustained gashes in the back of your left forearm and down your left side from a zombie throwing you into a jagged iron gate, but you tried your best to make it back to the motel without making a sound of pain.
Dean would stitch you up under normal circumstances, but you didn’t want him to have to help you after you’d hurt him so badly. You just needed to be in your room, alone with your first aid kit.
The second the car was in park, you were hobbling back to your room.
“Where do you think you’re goin?” Dean gruffly called after you.
“Leave me alone, Dean,” you begged, tears flooding your eyes. You jammed your key into your door, stepping inside the room with Dean hot on your heels.
“You’re not gonna run away again, (Y/N)! Not after the shit you pulled with the angels.” He slammed the door behind him, startling you.
You wobbled and nearly collapsed to the floor if it weren’t for Dean catching you. When he pulled his hand away from your side, it was covered in blood.
“(Y/N), what the fuck?”
“ ‘S fine,” you slurred. “Jus’ need to stitch myself up.”
“No, no way. I got it.”
While you were grateful for his help, you felt horrible about the fact that here he was, yet again, having to clean up your mess after you'd hurt him.
As he worked on your side, you muttered, “I’m so sorry, Dean.”
“I know,” he said gruffly. “But you better have a hell of an explanation, sweetheart. ‘Cause I’m pissed.”
“I know,” you responded shamefully. You took in a sharp breath as he tied off the last stitch to your arm. “Can- Can we talk now?”
He nodded, standing from the floor and helping you up. You winced painfully and hobbled over to your bed.
Dean sat at the table across from you.
You took a shaky breath, trying to gain your composure.
“That angel had you eating out of the palm of his hand, dude,” Dean told you. “Do you know what it felt like to watch that?”
You closed your eyes. “I know, I’m sorry. It’s not because I trust him, though. I didn’t want to leave a town of people to die.”
“Okay, then, what?”
You explained it all. You told him about your shoddy plan to save him from Hell, then, how Uriel had approached you, the men you’d tortured, and what you understood about the angel hierarchy. You told him of Uriel’s threats against Dean, how he frequently belittled you, and then, Dean asked a question you couldn’t avoid.
“Why’d you listen to him, (Y/N)? I know you’re saying he’d hurt me, but you’re smart enough to know I’m valuable to Heaven if they were willing to rescue me from Hell,” Dean stated softly; it didn’t seem like he had fully processed everything you told him yet.
“I don’t know if that’s true, Dean,” you said.
“Why?”
“Because I think there’s something else going on here,” you began. “Michael wanted my… talents… for something. Uriel clearly wasn’t concerned about your health and well-being, and they had me helping with their ‘angel trials,’ or whatever, for months before you were saved.” You knew you’d have to tell him another portion of the truth you’d been dreading, but it was necessary. “And I agreed to do that for them because I saw you.”
Dean didn’t seem to understand what that meant. “Saw me? Like, a ghost? Or in a dream?”
“Nightmares,” you said. “I had them every night. And you don’t have to talk to me about what happened in Hell because I already know. I saw what happened to you every time I fell asleep.”
Dean’s mouth fell agape. “What?”
You nodded. “He wouldn’t make it stop until I did what he wanted. And he— he said he’d make me do to you what Alistair made you do—”
“(Y/N)—” Dean dropped his head and swallowed harshly. “I can’t—”
“And now you know why I did what I did,” you finished.
Dean couldn’t look at you. He stood from the table and hurried out of the room, leaving you alone in a heap of sobs.
Series Rewrite Taglist: @polireader @brightlilith @atcamillanorrman @jrizzelle @insomnia-bookworm @procrastination20 @mrs-nesmith @djs8891 @tiggytaylor @staple-your-mouth @jesstherebel @rach5ive @strawberrykiwisdogog @bruhidkjustwannaread @mxltifxnd0m @sunshine-on-marz @big-ol-boat @mgchaser @capncrankle @chervbs @simpingdeadcharacters @nesnejwritings @stillhere197 @tearsforhan @take-it-on-the-run @iloveyou2mia @maxinehufflepuffprincess @ohgeehowdigethere @seninjakitey @berarenado @s0urw00lf @princessleahorgana @quarterhorse19 @isla-finke-blog @silverdoragon @karacaroldanvers @gayandfairycore @examishbookwyrm @star-yawnznn @real-sharena-h @fandomloverrr @metalmonki @onlyangel-444 @yu-winchester @benniwiththefanni @daisychaingirl @immagods @missmieux @yoongi-holland @littledebbieinabigworld
#dean winchester#dean winchester x reader#dean winchester x y/n#supernatural#dean winchester x you#dean x reader#spn#dean x y/n#dean x you#spn series rewrite
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࿐ *ੈ✩ Breathing – Dean Winchester



SUMMARY: You’re severely hurt on a hunt and rather than wait and rely on medicine to do its job, Dean decides to take matters into his own hands. Inspired by the song Breathing by Yellowcard. PAIRING: Dean Winchester x gn!Reader WARNINGS: minimal violence, reader dying/implied death, swearing, no use of (y/n). WORD COUNT: ~1.6k A/N: If you think I should add more warnings, feel free to let me know, just don’t be a dick about it. This one was kind of tough for me, I haven’t written something like this before, so any feedback is appreciated. Okay byeee I hope y’all enjoy :* Divider Credit: me :)
The scream that was torn from your body was sickening to hear and for you, it meant pain. Both men whipped around, their eyes wide and crazed as they looked for the source. Dean knew instantly it was you, his eyes were on you just in time to see you go limp and crumble to the floor. He was a blur as he rushed to your side, quickly gathering you into his arms so he could check your injuries. Swiftly, Sam disposed of the threat with practiced ease; he sunk an angel blade into the thing that hurt his friend.
When Dean positioned you into his arms, he cradled your head with a firm yet gentle hold. He let out a soft gasp and your name fell from his lips in a desperate cry. Your eyes were on him but only briefly as your eyelids felt like weighted blankets. You were feeling overcome with fear and most of all pain. The pain was overwhelming but sleep, now that was a sweet respite. A nice resting place was waiting for you, this you knew. If only you slept.
Dean shouted your name, shaking your body and gripping onto your shirt. His fingers wrinkled the fabric but you didn't mind. In fact, you didn't stir not one bit. The only indication to Dean that you were still alive, that you were still with him, is he could feel your breathing. Those soft labored breaths as your body struggled to keep itself alive.
He was so fucking scared. Scared he was going to lose you. Scared of the immense heart ache he would feel if that was to happen. Despite his catastrophic thinking he was alert, in tune to you. He feels his heart sinking like a wave as your breaths grow shallower. Dean is freaking the fuck out. He cannot lose you. He is so sure, so certain that he loves you. He can’t come up with one reason as to why he's kept that secret locked away behind his lips.
He knows he’s hurt you. God, all the things he’s done put you through. All the wreckless suicide missions, all the self-sacrificing he did for Sam, for Castiel, for you. All the times he avoided a proper goodbye with you. Now he can’t seem to remember if he’s ever given you a proper apology.
How could he be so stupid? so blind? so wrong?
Every kiss he pulled you in, every drunken night that ended in splendor, every secret touch, and stolen glance, replayed in his mind. He felt immense guilt in using you, in toying with your feelings, in pretending you were nothing more than a hunting partner and an occasional good fuck.
And now? He thought he would never get the chance to repair things with you. He'd never get to say I'm sorry, he’d never get to show you that he truly means it.
He can feel his heart sinking in his chest. A pool of emotion released from him as a sob shook his body. His arms tightened around you, pulling you to his chest. Frantically he pressed his lips to the top of your head, your hair tickled his nose but he didn't notice or care. His cheeks were slick as he pleaded, “please, give me one more chance. Don’t leave. Not yet. Don't leave me.”
Sam eased his foot down making contact with the floorboard at the sound of his brother's cries. It wasn't often that Dean showcased such raw emotion. Dean didn't have to say anything to Sam, didn't have to explain, because Sam knew his brother like the back of his hand. Sam knew all this time Dean had loved you. Sam's eyes darted to the rearview mirror so he could check on the scene unfolding in the backseat. His frown was deep as the worry dug its claws into his heart. Another death was not allowed, not on his watch, not his friend. Sam’s focus returned to the road as the needle on Baby's speedometer twitched, her engine roared as the vehicle pushed onward.
The sounds of the machines were not comforting to Dean, not one bit. To him it didn't matter that he could watch your vitals on the screen all night. He needed to be right beside you and that’s where he sat. He was exhausted with worry as he leaned back in his seat. He kept his eyes trained on you, making sure your chest continued to rise and fall with every shaky breath you drew in. He hated the sight of you in that bed, your hands were cold to the touch, the typical rosiness of your cheeks was gone, and an oxygen mask was strapped to your face. His eyes felt heavy but the sound of your breathing, shallow and labored kept him awake.
Dean was never known for exemplary patience, in fact, he was known for the opposite. He felt like you should be awake by now. Quickly, he stood up and took long strides toward the door. Sam stepped back into the room, blocking Dean's exit, he gave Dean a quizzical look.
“Where are you going?” Sam asked. He was unable to hide the suspicion from his tone.
“I need to do something, I need to help them, sam!” Dean responded a bit harshly. He could have been gentler in his tone, but if anyone understood the stress Dean was feeling in this moment, it was Sam.
Sam gave Dean a sympathetic look that only worked to set his nerves even more on edge. Dean hated that damn look.
“Dean, you’re not going to do something stupid. You think they would be happy with that?" Sam stated from his place blocking the exit. He wished he could say he was wholly concerned with you, but that wasn’t the whole truth. Sam knew if he lost his closest friend as well as his brother on the same day, he would be irreparably broken.
“Actually, I think they’d be happy to still be alive!” Dean replied, practically shouting.
Sam hushed him with what could only be described as mom face.
“Really, Dean? Because you know I've been there,” Sam was yelling at his brother now. He was feeling frustrated with this all too familiar conversation. Sam was hurting too, he was scared too, but he wasn't going off to do something idiotic. Not yet, anyway, but Sam always had more faith in medicine than Dean did.
“I’ve been stuck here with no way to save you after you pull one of these boneheaded stunts. You want to be better for them? Start now and sit back down. Be there when they wake up.” Sam argued further.
Dean knew Sam was right and that angered him even more. He felt as if sitting around and waiting was accepting defeat. No, Dean didn't have to rely on some doctor to fix what he very well could on his own. Sam standing there, with that damn look on his face was getting under Dean’s skin far more than it should. He reeled back his arm and when he sent it forward, his fist cracked against Sam's jaw. Sam grunted and hunched over as his long fingers rubbed at the painful spot. Dean's fist connected again with Sam's head, this time knocking him out and sending him to the floor. Dean stepped over Sam's body and hurried out of the hospital.
When Dean returned to the hospital, you were awake. The hospital bed was set to a slight incline so that you were upright but still relaxed. Sam was in the room with you, sitting by your right side and holding your hand. His thumb was rubbing soothing circles on your knuckles as you both anxiously awaited Dean’s return.
Dean hurried over to your left side, his eyes were cast downward, avoiding making contact with either you or Sam. Your brows furrowed as you looked at the man you begrudgingly love. You had this gut feeling he was guilty.
The frown you once held twisted on your face, morphing into something more angry, as his dirt stained hand reached out for your own. Your eyes welled with tears at the sight of dirt caked under his nails. Your harsh look bore into his eyes as he still refused to look at you.
“What did you do?” You asked, your voice shaky and cracking as it rose.
“What the fuck did you do?” Now you were screaming at him, allowing the frustration and anger to not only bubble over, but spill out.
Dean remained silent, the lump in his throat bobbing as he swallowed around it. The emotion was thick in his throat and chest. He was unable to speak, unable to tell the truth, not right now at least.
“Dean.” Sam called out, the sound of his voice so deep it rattled in his chest.
When Dean still didn’t answer. You felt like you were losing your mind. Why did he always do this shit?
“What the fuck did you do?” You asked again, tearing at your throat with how loud you yelled. “Motherfucker, answer me!” You sobbed.
Sam stood up and extended his arm to grab Dean's shoulder. He gave him a hard shake, “hey! Dean. What did you do?”
As if Sam pulled Dean out of his guilt induced trance, he finally looked at you. His glassy eyes met yours. He could hear your breathing, heavy and shaky as sobs wracked your chest. He could feel his heart sinking like a wave. He knew he hurt you again, but he also knew you’d get over it, like you always did.
After all, he did it for you, right? He sacrificed himself so you could live.
Despite that, he couldn't shake the feeling that as you looked at him with all too familiar anger, the only love he ever knew he threw it all away.
#dean winchester#dean winchester fanfiction#supernatural#supernatural fanfiction#dean winchester x reader#dean winchester x you#toadwrites
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what’s a non-canon house md pairing you think had the most potential and why?? (saw the asks reblog <3)
thank you for asking<33
apart from hilson, i see chase and foreman having a chance, as well as cameron and thirteen.
> chase and foreman are similar in a lot of way, yet so different at the same time. chase needs to not feel alone/lonely and foreman needs someone who can understand him.
the best parallel is foreman giving thirteen the actual drug in the clinic trial instead of the placebo, right after house says he wouldn’t/couldn’t/shouldn’t (paraphrasing) “unless you love her”, and saying people do stupid things for love. then there’s the other side with foreman burning the chart, helping chase get away with the whole dibala thing, masking it as a complete accident, and speaking in front of so many important people, essentially jeopardizing his entire career if word ever got out.
i could go on about the bachelor party and them having fun together, foreman being all smile-y (thought i do admit, he was drunk) and friend-like to chase because!! after so many years that’s what they were!! friends!! no matter how many times foreman denies it, that’s genuinely what they were and they cared about each other so much it drives me crazy.
may i add how the alleged power imbalance feeds both of their subconscious? foreman always acts like the superior, treating others as if they were his subordinates. on the other hand, chase always acts like a subordinate, always trying to please the ones he admires.
chase gets attached to people. so does foreman. this could easily be a thing that lasts a lifetime. not to mention, in the end they’re dean of medicine and HOD on diagnostic medicine so they would meet a lot. they have so much common ground and what to bond over, it would just take one important step to be able to overcome the start.
also they could be self destructive together<3
so in conclusion: i love them and they’re my poor little meow meows doomed by the narrative for history to repeat again. mic drop
> on the camteen part, i have spent less time analysing (i confess), but a few of the main reasons i think they would be a strong couple are:
1. thirteen is obviously dying. cameron doesn’t want to fix broken people, she wants to accept them;
2. cameron is a lot like the poet with the bleeding heart type while thirteen acts too strong for her own good. they could lower each other’s guards’ down^^
3. comphet allison cameron. need i say more? the point that they could lower each other’s guards’ down still stands!!
yup, that’s all for now. thanks for the ask!! was so fun to answer.
#house md#hate crimes md#medical malpractice md#robert chase#dr house#dr chase#chase#allison cameron#eric foreman#dr foreman#c/f#choreman#camteen#remy thirteen hadley#remy hadley#house md spoilers#VERY spoiler heavy
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Don't you think Cas should care and interact with Dean emotionally in The Trap? Dean's mother died only Days ago, and Cas thinks he should be over it already?
Well, uhm. Yes? But I don't think he can at that moment. He is in love with Dean, and Dean has shut the door on him hard, and done so exactly when he is weakest, because he is just as bereaved as Dean is. Both of them are suffering, and neither of them can meet the others' needs. It's not like one of them is being the asshole, and the other one is blameless.
Dean's mother notably referred to Cas as 'one of her boys' and Cas notably saved her from death after Dean's deal with Billie because they all mean too much to him, including Mary. Cas loved and lost Mary, too. Cas loved and lost Jack, whom Cas saw as their child. And, Cas feels like he has also lost Dean!
Why are Dean's grief and Dean's sub-optimal emotional responses in the face of grief more valid than Cas's? I can't put it better than @deangirlism101 in their tags on this post, so I am just going to share them here:
#🤔 it's interesting how differently that ''you couldn't forgive me'' line felt to me#idk if it's because I'm approaching that line with the context that narratively#at least to me#these two are for all intents and purposes#quite married#in my mind the divorce arc is genuinely A Divorce#it's not a breakup. it's not a fight. it is a ''irreconcilable differences'' divorce#and that's where I'm approaching my reading of cas in that scene#it's very much that pragmatic side of divorce#where one partner reaches a point of shutdown because they believe there is no longer any kind of conversation to be had#''you cannot forgive me and i am unable to be near you while unforgiven'' is not#in my perception#the same as ''i apologized and therefore i deserve forgiveness''#i read somewhere that a big warning sign of divorce is contempt#and in the episodes prior to cas leaving#that is all dean expressed toward cas to his face#literally#dean's panicked ’'where are you going?'' i.e. the first noncontemptuous thing dean says to cas all season#is said to his back!#it's not that cas is owed forgiveness#it's that cas NEEDS forgiveness to be able to remain In The Relationship#the way i interpret it#cas isn't ASKING for forgiveness. he is just saying he needs it to stay#which to me is a world of difference#it's not out of entitlement#which i think is important for the emotional context of the episode#and i think it's the beauty of the divorce arc being very much a depiction of Marital Strife#to me it feels like an excellent depiction of the way a healthy marriage is deeply entrenched in compromise and not keeping score#(which is not to say it's okay for cas to continue going off on his own and keeping secrets)
I agree hard with everything here. And, I also think it's not only a depiction of Marital Strife, but a depiction of marital strife after the loss of a child, which is a whole other level of understandable not coping.
They are both on the ropes, they are both emotionally compromised in ways they aren't able to overcome. They both have Things They Routinely Do that are not for the best -- Cas tries to solve everything alone and keeps secrets, and Dean masks all his vulnerable feelings with anger. I think they both forgive the other, but can't bridge the gap. I think it's possible to love and forgive someone, and not be able to be around them, and I think Cas and Dean are both doing their best, it's just that, under the circumstances, their best is not great.
And, this bears repeating: #to me it feels like an excellent depiction of the way a healthy marriage is deeply entrenched in compromise and not keeping score
Cas is not owed an apology, but the fact that Dean can give one? I love that FOR DEAN.
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