#and all he can think about is a potential relapse with her in the apartment and he doesnt WANT that

[buck-up-buck]

7x09 theories... (because but of course)

OKAY, so I am going absolutely feral over next week's promo and I have some ideas, as per usual, so let's delve head-first into this, shall we?

First of all, I was so off mark with 7x08 so now that we have confirmed I am not a prophet, we can obviously take every theory I post with a pinch of salt. The only thing I kinda remotely even mentioned was a kidnapping theory and, in my defence, Herman did try to kidnap Bobby and Amir before Bobby ran them off the road so, slay, I was, kinda sorta on the right path, just also totally wrong😂

BUT, let's now talk Ashes Ashes because boy that promo has me feeling some kind of way.

First things first, the scene in which Athena says "I think my husband is in danger", is in a hospital. I have a feeling maybe she is talking to Amir because the Cartel are going after Bobby potentially for saving Amir after he killed that guy. BUT, she could also be talking to anyone and it could still well be Amir who is after Bobby, because I refuse to believe the revenge arc is over and done with. I will be so annoyed if we don't get more on this revenge arc, I swear. BUT, her outfit and the background potentially looks like the scene from the still Tim Minear posted last week. Maybe Bobby gets injured in the fire at Bathena house, some smoke inhalation, a lil burn, something, and that's why he is in the hospital. I am so sure though that the scene with Maddie, Chim and Hen is not the same scene with Athena.

Second, I have a gut feeling, that something about this Bathena house fire is sus. Like, the way Bobby is asleep on the couch and the way he suddenly wakes up and reacts seems so staged to me, that it almost doesn't seem real, like maybe Bobby is dreaming it and the scene doesn't actually happen. I don't know why my first thought was a dream, that maybe his mind is playing tricks on him because he has a feeling he is being hunted and he starts making up crazy scenarios, maybe someone tells him to watch his back, and he loses it a little in worry. I DON'T KNOW, but I just have a feeling that scene isn't all that we think it might be. That, OR, the fire at Bathena house is a warning and there is something darker, and bigger, at play (cough Buck's loft burning down cough) because surely if the big event of the last two episodes was Bathena's house burning down and Bobby getting trapped, or Athena being in danger or what not, they would not have showed us such a drastic clip in the promo. That would have been kept under wraps from us until the episode aired, and we would not have seen a clip like we did.

Thirdly, now don't shout at me for this, I could be so wrong, BUT, I have a feeling Bobby is going to relapse either in the next TWO EPISODES or start of Season 8. I initially had this idea back in September because of seeing potential storylines in another show of a character relapsing and thought maybe ABC would take the route as in season 1, Bobby relapses when Hen and Buck find him in his apartment, and ABC did say they were treating this season as another season 1, reintroducing storylines and what not. I killed the idea because, respectfully, I do now want to see this happen because my man Bobby has been through way too much, BUT, the way he is looking in the promo is very dishevelled and unsettled and I just feel like maybe all of this with Amir is going to make him snap. Again, don't shout at me, I am no prophet, I am just, speaking what I am seeing and sharing my lil crazy brain thoughts. runs away

OKAY, now, onto the rest of the characters. I have feeling we are going to see some kind of divorce era 2.0 with Buck and Eddie, maybe not as big as Season 3, but somewhere along the lines of an explosive argument, and that maybe we get a glimpse of some tension in this episode.

I am NOT okay about the jump scare that is Captain Gerrard at the compensation ceremony, DO NOT LIKE THAT. Bad vibes all over. I feel like maybe something might happen between him and Tommy and Buck is gonna be top tier boyfriend. Like a small lil side plot that just gives us some Tommy angst, and Protective!Buck. Please. I beg. I would also LOVE, a few more kisses, even if just lil cheek pecks, from Buck and Tommy, because now that we have had "that fire was a beast." "so are you" I NEED MORE.

I think that is all for know, I may come back with more, because come on, it's me. I think by the end of the season we need to compile ALL of my theory posts this season and see just how wrong/right I have actually been.

Go forth and thrive 9-1-1 fans.

[drmajalis]

My personal top ten favourite episodes of House cause I'm bored.

No.10 The Down Low "The" queerbait episode, lmfao. A neighbour at House and Wilson's new apartment thinks they're a couple, Wilson tries to convince her otherwise because she wants to sleep with her, House tries to convince her they are to fuck with Wilson, only to get out-fucked by Wilson when he mock proposes to him in public while he's out with the neighbour. Oh and there was some medicine stuff I guess. No.9 The Right Stuff With his old team all gone, House hires 40 new fellowship candidates and pits them in a reality-show style competition to select the new three fellows for his team. Massive amounts of hijinx ensues. No.8 Last Resort A desperate patient takes House, Thirteen, and a number of other patients hostage in Cuddy's room, demanding a diagnosis for his long running condition. The patient's desperation for an answer and House's overwhelming desire to solve puzzles threatens Thirteen's life, who realizes she's afraid of dying after going through a self-destructive binge following her Huntington's Diagnosis. No.7 The C-Word After failing to convince Wilson to play things safe, House commits to helping him with his dangerous, potentially lethal double dose of chemotherapy in the wake of his cancer diagnosis, doing everything he can for his partner, including honouring his wishes that he not just be brought to a hospital to die, and ending by doing something thoughtful enough to make him laugh. No.6 Help Me Having given up on his therapy, House struggles with drug relapse in the aftermath of Cuddy's engagement announcement. At a construction crane collapse, House finds and bonds with a woman in the rubble with her leg trapped, advocating her when everyone says she needs an amputation, but eventually admitting it's the only course, and it was what he should have done years ago, and that he's a worse person because of it. No.5 Forever After the conclusion to no.4 on this list, Foreman tries to make a change in his life as he struggles with his brain damage. The team treats a new mother who's husband found her having seizure in the bathtub with her baby, only for it to turn out that she tried to kill her own baby. Probably the bleakest and darkest episode in the series which is really saying something. No.4 Euphoria Part 1 & 2 House has to treat one of his own as Foreman contracts the same deadly infection afflicting the patient-of-the-week. Things take a turn for the worse when the patient dies, Foreman has to deal with the real possibility he may be next, and House struggles not to let his personal attachment to Foreman affect his judgment. No.3 House's Head & Wilson's Heart House wakes up in a strip club, drunk, and realizes he saw a life-threatening symptom in someone before a brutal bus crash. When it turns out to be someone close to them both it threatens to end their relationship. No.2 Three Stories Roped into giving a lecture to med students, House takes the opportunity to tell three different episodes of patients experiencing leg pain, one of which turns out to be House himself recounting the story behind his leg limp, and showing a little about how he became the person he is today. No.1 Broken House entered a psychiatric hospital at the end of the previous season when his vicodin abuse started giving him hallucinations. Now having finished rehab, he must show his therapist that he has the tools to find happiness and comfort without drugs, and has accepted that he can be a better person.

[readwitheve]

REVIEW 5: WE’LL ALWAYS HAVE SUMMER BY JENNY HAN

MY RATING: ★★★

Warning: Potential spoilers for those who have not read the books and are awaiting on the series. As such, the review is under the cut.

As can be expected, to finish up the trilogy, we have We’ll Always Have Summer by Jenny Han. I have to say, I love when books are named with a theme, with this being Summer and being called the Summer Series or the Summer Trilogy by fans. Anyway, let’s get to it.

The third and final installment of The Summer I Turned Pretty trilogy, We’ll Always Have Summer, follows Belly as she navigates through college life while being in a relationship with Jeremiah. So much has happened since we last saw Belly, such as her graduating high school and attending college. We miss the first year of her college as the book picks up at the end of it, with Belly and Jeremiah about to go home. We learn that Belly and Jeremiah have been dating for a while now though Belly doesn’t exactly seem to be happy with him as she lists the things Jeremiah does that annoys her.

On one of their last nights at Finch (for the school year, at least), Belly goes to a frat party at Jeremiah’s fraternity and overhears some girls in the bathroom talk. A girl named Lacie Barone, who belongs to the sister sorority to Jeremiah’s fraternity, is talking to a friend of hers about how “hot” Jeremiah looks. Then, it’s revealed that she and Jeremiah hooked up during spring break, at a time when Belly and Jeremiah were on a break, and he never told her as he did not want to lose her. The two spend some time apart, and Belly winds up forgiving him for him cheating on her and they wind up engaged. Unfortunately for the two of them, though, their families aren’t as supportive as they thought or hoped they’d be as her mother and Jeremiah’s father don’t seem particularly excited about the two of them getting married and keep being told to put it off until they graduate and they can live together while they’re in school. Unfortunately for Laurel, Conrad, and Jeremiah’s father, Adam, Belly and Jeremiah are hellbent in getting married as soon as possible. Why wait for forever, right?

Due to an argument with her mother, Belly winds up running away to the summer house and stays in it. And, with her luck, guess who happens to be there? Conrad, of course. The two initially try to avoid each other but it ends up in them sharing meals again and being kind to one another. Soon enough, Belly’s confused about her feelings with Conrad, but doesn’t do anything about it. Fortunately for everyone involved, though, the wedding doesn’t continue and Belly winds up in Spain in her next year of college, finding herself, but trading letters with Conrad.

I personally think this is my least favorite book of the series. I’m not quite sure what it is since I didn’t like the third installment of Han’s other trilogy, To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before. The reveal of Jeremiah cheating on Belly seems sudden since it starts off in the beginning of the story, and of course, you can’t help but be critical of two teenagers getting married while they’re still attending college, especially when one of them relies on his father’s money. I’m glad that Jeremiah and Belly didn’t end up getting married since neither of them were right for each other. I think Jeremiah initially liked Belly since he was always competing with his brother and always wanted what Conrad had and mainly saw Belly as a friend, then came to really love her. Whereas with Belly, I don’t think she really ever got over Conrad, at least not when being around him could easily trigger a relapse. It would’ve been unfair to both of them if they’d gotten married.

I was really disappointed we didn’t get to read Susannah’s letters to the boys. We’ve read her letter to Belly, but for her own sons, all we know is that Susannah told Conrad that the first time she’s ever really seen him in love is with Belly, before calling the wedding off. I really would’ve liked to see what Susannah’s last ever words to her sons were, especially considering these letters were supposed to be given to them on their wedding days.

While this is my least favorite book of the series, I do think it’s still worth reading for those who’ve liked the show and do not want to wait another year for the third season to come out to find out what happens, assuming the show will stay true to the book as far as the ending goes, anyway. Overall, I do think the Summer trilogy is an interesting read and I loved seeing Belly grow as a person, and especially reading the letters she and Conrad traded at the end.

[izzyinarchive]

discussing the final season of carmen sandiego

*spoilers* umm....so yeah, i finished watching carmen sandiego, and i’m left in a state of perpetual sadness and despair. i feel like the ending of the show wrapped up wayyy too fast, and kind of left off on a bit of an unsatisfactory note for some of the characters. although i love the large and diverse cast of carmen sandiego, one of the drawbacks of having all those characters and arcs and storylines makes it harder to cram in a satisfying conclusion for everyone in a twenty-minute episode. so here’s what i would do if there was more time. 

let’s start off with the threads that i think were tied off pretty well: 

julia & chase devineaux: i wasn’t really a shipper of julia and devineaux but i actually really enjoyed their relationship throughout season 4. we see a lot of character growth from devineaux in the way that he interacts with julia and the world. julia pushes devineaux to become a better person, to see things with a broader perspective and from other people’s points of view. and he does really change a lot into an understanding person instead of the overconfident, arrogant detective we first saw him as in season 1. in addition, he also grows to respect julia as a person and partner, and it’s completely adorable how he looks at her while zari tells julia that they’ll follow her lead. also i love how he keeps wearing his lucky cat jacket from san francisco in season 4.  

el topo & le chevre: okay, i was pretty much shipping these two the minute they showed up on the screen together. you can tell how much they care about each other throughout the series. whenever one of them gets hurt, you can really see how they prioritize each other over whatever thing vile is planning. when things are good, they’re so sweet and they have so much fun together. and they take dumb cute selfies. they’re so, so adorable, and this season definitely brings the shipping fodder. and they end the season moving on from vile and running a food truck together. the only thing i’m mad about is that we definitely needed more screen time from them. 

shadowsan: i didn’t like shadowsan in season 1 but over the course of the series he really went through a lot of major character development and i love how he’s now basically a grumpy dad figure to carmen. the season ends with him finally reuniting for good with his brother in japan, and it’s a satisfying conclusion for his arc. i also love how he was the one to help carmen in the finale when she’s struggling with the brainwashing thing. which is way better than the brainwashing being resolved by some bs like true love’s kiss. (also carmen and gray are way too hurt and they’re super not ready for a relationship.)  carmen sandiego is a show that emphasizes the importance of family with this father-daughter duo, and i think that’s something really valuable. also i’m interpreting that shadowsan isn’t permanently moving to japan, but rather just visiting his brother. he’s still definitely going to be there for carmen going forward when she needs him. 

player & carmen’s friendship: i love this show for having a male/female friendship with absolutely no romantic feelings going on. it’s a solid friendship, and depicts a wholesome, supportive relationship. absolutely no qualms here.

and here’s all the stuff that needs expanding/fixing: 

tigress: i actually really love tigress as a character, and i personally think that there should have been more of her in the series. i would have liked to see more depth and motivation to her, since she has a lot of character potential. i don’t really know how i would rewrite tigress’s arc, because it’s virtually nonexistent and there’s not too much to go off of. i don’t think she needs a redemption arc, but i would give her more of a spotlight. (also low key fictional-crushing on her.) i would like to include sort of a tigress-centric episode, which can also generally be more expansion on the inner workings of vile.

cleo & saira: villain couple. villain couple. they need to be a villain couple, enough said. i would rewrite season 4 to have include an emotional downbeat moment in which saira struggles with being able to fit in with society and humans and being completely awkward at it while cleo, in all her regal and ettiquite-esque manners, tries to help. this wouldn’t really help with the main plot, but it would be humanizing and provide character depth. i feel like this could be the b-plot in the tigress episode somehow. 

coach brunt: you don’t betray family. at this point, coach brunt has lost the daughter she raised, who, in her mind, has basically backstabbed her entirely. coach brunt was also betrayed by shadowsan and left for the police to find, and in season 4, malestrom basically abandons her to drown. and it’s highly likely that somewhere in her backstory she’s been betrayed many times, likely by her own blood family, which would provide context for why she’s such a loyal person to vile, who she thinks of as her found family. in rewriting season four, i’m adding one extra episode that’s solely on the backstory of coach brunt. in this episode, we would explore brunt’s upbringing and the first time she is betrayed by someone she considers family. in my opinion, coach brunt was likely pushed to fall by another influence, but she also makes the conscious choice to choose revenge over moving on. potentially, we could also explore brunt’s budding friendship with the mechanic, who we never see again after that one episode, as well as a reflection upon this from her adult self. 

gray & the freaking mind control thing & his moral struggles: *sighs* i can see what the show is going for, but i really just don’t see it in the execution. the way that gray struggles with morality is like it’s an on and off switch. he’s either graham, basic civilian, or crackle, basically evil. in that one episode, he flip flops between being overly heroic, even taking out time from his day to specifically track down a random kid to return his wallet instead of just dropping it off at the police station or leaving it where he found it. and then the flip side is like he’s just robotically relapsing into stealing mode, where he just suddenly has to impluse to steal literally anything. i feel like this flip flop wasn’t really a good portrayal of his struggle and didn’t really demonstrate many active choices made by him. and the way that he’s just like “i’m actually just evil” when he confronts carmen at the lab is just super one-dimensional. i just don’t buy it that he flips to vile so quickly in the span of a few episodes. i feel like there should have been more active reflecting and the decision should have been dragged out longer. 

also it’s revealed in the finale that gray also changed his crackle rod to not go beyond a stun, and i think this was a nice touch, because it demonstrates his aversion to murder, which calls back to the first caper, in which he’s confronted with killing the archeologist at the excavation site. but he doesn’t end up having to make that choice, because carmen stops him. but this time, it’s his own choice to take that step away from vile ideals. i don’t think gray is ever going to be a “hero” of the traditional sense or have a complete redemption arc, because it just doesn’t fit him. to be honest, i don’t know what the future will hold for gray, but i definitely think of he will fall somewhere along the lines of red x (teen titans) or catwoman’s (in certain comic runs) gray morality. (and i think the way gray returns to vile kind of screws this up.) he’s still going to steal stuff sometimes probably, but he’s not going to straight up murder people. he would probably be the type to work for himself alone mostly, but be okay teaming up with the good guys sometimes. definitely no joining evil organizations tho. 

gray & carmen & the “i know you’re in there somewhere fight:” i definitely ship these two, but i think they’ve got a long way to go before they’re really ready to admit their feelings for each other. i’m happy that the “i know you’re in there somewhere fight” didn’t culminate in a kiss scene being the thing that snapped carmen out of the trance. because that is just so cliche and not the message of the show. instead, it’s shadowsan who does. and that makes sense going along with the themes of family. i think the issue with this i dislike how there is no more elaboration after carmen supposedly kills gray. this is her best friend. i would imagine that the reaction would be greater, since he was also her friend and teammate during the months they were both working under vile. and then when carmen’s brainwashing wears off, she agonizes that she killed her best friend. but that’s it. the “i know you’re in there somewhere fight” is the last screen appearance of both of them together. then it’s directly cutting to taking down vile. there should have been a hospital scene where carmen rides with him in the ambulance and talks to him as he’s unconscious, and leaves behind a note for him to read when he’s awake. 

i just really think there should be a “heart to heart” scene somewhere in this finale where they confront their feelings (not romantic stuff, but more about like shared trauma at the hands of vile and their broken apart friendship). this could happen at that sydney cafe. both times carmen and gray go on a “date” she leaves him sitting there alone, bewlildered. i think the finale should include a scene of them leaving the cafe together and then walking away and waving to each other. this shows development in their relationship, and that they are now closer, but it also visually shows that they still have differences as they walk away with a sort of two toned kind of environment angle that shows the different paths they have chosen. (and carmen calls him gray. and he doesn’t correct her.) it’s more of a see you later, than a goodbye though. we’re also getting rid of that part of when gray says he doesn’t want to complicate carmen’s life in the hospital scene. instead, he’s going to ask for a sheet of paper on which he will write an indiscernible letter to carmen. (the same letter will be seen in at the carmen brand outerwear hq a few scenes later for continuity, but unopened at the time, as if carmen’s not yet ready to read it. i feel like both of them need to heal a bit on their own before they’re ready to reconnect. gray knows he has hurt carmen in the past but he also knows it will hurt her if he disappears without a trace, so he’s leaving her with the choice if she wants to see him again instead of making the choice for her.)

ivy & zach & found family: carmen leaves a note behind for ivy and zach and leaves to find her mother. i feel like this did not handle team red’s found family very well. basically, the whole show is setting up this importance of family, especially found family not blood family kind of narrative. vile blood runs in carmen’s veins but she chooses to do good and find her own family. ivy and zach both choose carmen, their found family, over their racing career. i think that they should have stuck together, and when carmen goes to find her mom, they would have been totally onboard dropping her off at the airport and saying a “see you soon” or actually driving her to carlotta valdez’s house in lydia (the car). i just don’t think that splitting them up via a note is really a satisfying conclusion to the whole found family aspect. and in that time skip carmen really should have stopped by to say hi to the zach and ivy and the acme squad instead of maintaining the air of mystery. that would have definitely pushed the family feel, instead of the mysterious loner archetype. 

that time skip thing: yeah, no. this part was completely not needed and unhelpful. instead, we’re going to have carmen hug her mother at the airport, and go to visit all of her friends and found family, especially shadowsan in japan and ivy and zach in presumably boston. and the time skip will be a few onths not two effing years. i think it’s natural for them to grow apart a bit and pursue their own personal goals in life after vile’s gone, but they’ll definitely be staying in touch and reconnecting and seeing each other pretty often. and lastly of all, carmen will meet gray at the cafe in sydney.

basically, this is how i would redo the episodes for season 4. 

episode 1: the beijing bullion caper. (this episode remains as is for the most part, i would like more expansion on lady doksu and shadowsan's past since it seems like their pasts are more tied together than is revealed)

episode 2: the big bad ivy caper. (this episode remains as is for the most part.)

episode 3: the robo caper. (the scenes in which carmen first meets the robot and ivy runs it over with a truck can stay the same. where we start to deviate is with gray’s story with a revised, more complex, and in depth view of his moral struggles. instead of being unaware largely as gray flops between graham/crackle, he’s going to be a lot more aware. he’s still going to rob the house, but instead it’s because he feels hopeless that since he was previously a criminal, that’s all he’s ever going to be. gray doesn’t want to be a civilian, and feels like the only thing that he can do instead is be a part of vile. however, when he sees carmen again, he’s going to realize that if she got out of vile, then that means he has a chance to get out of it too. gray comes to a crossroads of deciding between carmen and vile, good and evil. 

episode 4: this will be the episode that concentrates on tigress, with a cleo/saira b-plot. most of this episode will take place within vile, and give more insights on the workings of the organization. 

episode 5: the himalayan rescue caper. (this episode is going to get a real makeover. with the insertion of episode 4, this creates more actual space between the last time we see gray grappling with his big choices, which makes it feel like more time has passed. so it actually feels like he had more time to think. carmen’s still going to try to rescue gray, and the part with player can stay the same. as gray is manipulated by malestrom, i think this episode should further emphasize how vile manipulates their recruits and amp up the shittiness of how malestrom is acting. i think malestrom should say something along the lines indicating that vile is gray’s only family left, this is what he was born to do, he belongs with them, and make up a bunch of bullshit lies about carmen. malestrom will portray this stuff as the “truth” and then say something like “we told you to the full truth, while carmen was hiding your past from you. didn’t you say you wanted to piece together more of your past?” (which gray did express interest in a previous episode.) since more time has passed, malestrom will play the “if carmen wanted to rescue you, she would have done so already. she abandoned you.” card. of course, it’s not easy to get into a super advanced vile facility, so instead carmen’s going to be having more struggles with getting in, which is the real reason she’s taking a while.) i want to keep the scene where he says that his name is crackle, not gray and not graham. i think this scene is particularly painful because graham/crackle is kind representative of the two sides of good and evil that gray thinks he has to choose between. gray will accuse carmen of abandoning him, both in the present but demonstrating that he’s still hurt by the time when she first left vile, and all those times when she kept secrets from him and disappearing in sydney. carmen asks him to leave with her, but instead of him being like “i’m bad, and i was always a villain,” he’s just going to be hurt and feel manipulated and be so conflicted. i feel like gray would choose vile, but not because it’s where he belongs but because he’s afraid of being brainwashed again if he doesn’t agree and because he just wants to know the truth, which vile happened to tell him first (and carmen had been hiding it from him for a while). why would it make sense for gray to willingly side with vile because he’s “throughly bad?” actions speak louder than words, and it’s clear that he’s definitely not evil enough for vile. 

episode 6: the vile history caper. (we’re just going to keep this episode as is for the most part. but like more el topo and le chevre moments.) 

episode 7: this will be the coach brunt backstory episode, piggybacking off of her hurt feelings about maelstrom’s intended betrayal. 

episode 8: the egyptian decryption caper. (this one is just going to be as is for the most part. the cleaners kidnap carmen, but we’re going insert one more painstaking scene of gray learning of vile’s plan to kidnap carmen. he’s not going to know they are planning to brainwash her. he’s going to feel conflicted and try to protest, but then realizes that now that he’s stuck with vile, if he goes against them he’s probably going to get brainwashed himself. and the brainwashing was really traumatizing, so it’s understandable he’s really afraid of it happening to him again.)

episode 9: the viennese waltz caper. (mostly just keeping this episode as is, but more worrying gray scenes. i feel like he should have had a bigger reaction to seeing carmen so unlike her personality. carmen’s lack of empathy should have pushed himself to question if vile is really a healthy place for anyone if they’re so willing to brainwash his best friend in a greater capacity. i think gray should recognize how bad the situation is but he still won’t act upon it since he’s trapped in the nostalgia of their old squad and since he’s been abandoned by carmen before, he’s too afraid that reversing the brainwashing will result in a repeat of her leaving him again. and he’s still afraid of the brainwashing.) 

episode 10 + 11 + 12. the dark red caper. (yeah, this episode is kind of just way too quickly wrapped up. i’m going to expand this into a three parter so we have more time to focus on everyone. basically, we’re going to expand this for the angst. and because this is the last season and i need more content. i feel like we can follow the general plot trajectory but with more nuance and include the improvements i wrote above about the finale. absolutely pushing the found family trope to its limits, and less vagueness since there’s not going to be another season. oh yeah, and the scene when carmen fights shadowsan, i feel like they could have amped up the emotional stuff and make it as much as about him being her dad figure as the doll because #foundfamily. and also the extra time gives more space for all of that other stuff like endings for all the characters, and more team red found family, and a bit about the non-jailed vile operatives, and the acme team, and also maybe a little infrastructure rebuilding montage, and also that carmen and gray moment.)  

basically i just want a satisfying ending for gray, and i love him, and he can’t just stare out of the hospital bedroom and agree to stay out of her life while melancholy music plays. 

[sisterspooky1013]

Only One Choice, Part 2, Chapter 3

Read it here on AO3 / Tagging @today-in-fic

Winter soldiers on, the cold and occasional snow giving way to the promise of spring. Her birthday comes and goes, celebrated at her mother’s with her family as it had been before there was someone else to lay claim to her time on special days. The vacant spaces in her apartment that had been occupied by Ethan’s books and clothes, his toiletries, and VHS collection, begin to be filled by evidence of her new, single life. Her solitary toothbrush in the cup by the sink starts to look normal, the indent on her finger where his ring lived begins to fade, and the silence she arrives home to at the end of her workday becomes mundane instead of painful. Though this change was initiated and welcomed by her, change is always hard. She goes through the motions of being okay until one day in early April, she realizes that she is. The budding crocuses bring with them the optimism of a new life, another chance. A third chance, as it were, to get it right. Now she only has to figure out what right is.

Though they’ve always been close, she and Missy become even closer, taking up the space in each other’s lives that would otherwise be consumed by boyfriends or lovers. They are each other’s better half, sharing the minutiae of their workdays and staying available for unexpected illness or the need to move heavy furniture. While every human needs other humans to thrive, the Scully sisters fill that need with each other, shunning the idea of casual dating simply for the sake of companionship. There is no companion more perfect than the one who has known you since before you could understand the need for such a partner in life, and who is by your side not out of obligation, but because their soul is stitched so firmly to your own. They have always pledged their dedication to each other through thick and thin, and the new year of 1997 proves that to be a sincere promise on both their parts.

As such, they sit at their favorite local coffee shop on Sunday afternoon when Missy finally dares to ask her sister the question she’s avoided for the past four months. Not because she was afraid of her reaction, but because she knew Dana wasn’t ready to talk about it.

“Have you heard from Mulder at all?” she asks so casually that Dana flicks her eyes up and stares in disbelief, not sure that she heard her right.

“What?” Dana asks, her heart having lept for one single beat at the mention of his name.

“Mulder. Have you had any contact with him, or seen him?” Missy is misleadingly casual, acting as though this is not a question she’s been waiting months to ask.

“No,” Dana says flatly, her eyes dropping down to her coffee cup. “I wouldn’t expect to.”

“Does he know that you and Ethan split?” Missy asks next, her feet folded underneath her in the oversized armchair.

“I don’t see how he would,” Dana posits.

“Have you considered reaching out to him?” Missy tries, watching her sister for signs that she is going to shut the conversation down.

Dana shakes her head glumly. “After what I put him through, I’m sure I’m the last person he wants to hear from. That was nearly nine months ago, he’s probably long since moved on.”

“Have you? Moved on?”

Dana pulls in a deep breath and lets it out slowly. “I don’t know how to answer that. What does it mean, to move on?”

“Do you still think about him?” No assertions, just gentle questions, leading her sister to the conclusion she knows she needs to come to.

Dana nods softly. “All the time. Every day.”

“Then I think your answer would be no. You should contact him, Dana. It feels like unfinished business.” Missy has a thing about unfinished business. She believes it prevents you from achieving your full potential in life.

“Missy...what would I even say? ‘Sorry I broke your heart, good news is it didn’t even work out so it was all for nothing’? I don’t want to cause him more pain than I already have.” Her tone is resigned and defeated. Another regret she will come to live with, pinned to her lapel with a collection of other mistakes that she can never quite atone for.

Missy shrugs. “You know what I think. The rest is up to you.”

Missy is right. The trouble is, she doesn't trust herself to make these decisions anymore. She’s proven to herself that she doesn’t know how to make the right one.

———

“Excuse me,” a rough, nasally voice calls from behind her. She turns to see a red nosed young man in the doorway of the pathologist’s office, slumped against the doorframe with watery eyes. “I’m here to pick up an autopsy report, for, um...I think it’s Richards or something.”

Scully has worked with this courier before, and compared to his typical demeanor it’s easy to tell that he’s unwell.

“Are you alright?” she asks as she uses her feet to push her rolling chair over to the file cabinet, retrieving the report in question.

“Uh, not really, no. But if I call out sick one more time I’m gonna get canned.” He leans his head against the cool metal of the doorframe. She suspects he’s feverish.

“You don’t look well enough to work. Where is this headed?” she asks, still holding the file in her hand.

The young man blows out a stream of air and she holds her breath for a moment, not wanting to inhale whatever he’s infected with. He pulls a slip of paper from his pocket. “Hoover Building, Behavioral Science Unit. Agent Kissop.” He stuffs the paper back in his pocket and looks around, taking refuge in the extra chair near the end of her desk.

She feels a little flutter in her belly; what are the odds?

“I’ll tell you what,” she begins, “I was just about to head out for the day and I live in Georgetown, so I’m going that way anyway. Can I drop this off for you? You don’t look well enough to drive and I’d hate to see you on the news in the morning if you cause an accident.”

He sighs deeply, the biggest display of excitement he can muster. “Are you sure? I’d really appreciate it,” he says, his eyelids barely maintaining half-mast.

“No problem at all,” she replies, gathering her coat and purse. “You get home and take some Tylenol, okay? And get some rest.”

He nods weakly and she leaves him there, climbing into her car with the file and a pounding heart. She can’t help but feel like this is a sign. She’s been thinking about signs a lot lately, and she’s recently resolved to start paying attention to them.

———

Mulder stands beside the copy machine, doing his Wednesday afternoon ritual of fighting with the toner cartridge and cursing profusely. From around the corner, he can hear AD Kirkbride drumming up his own song of profanity, which is more of a daily ritual than a weekly one.

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Kirkbride is shouting. “Now that dipshit is conning goddamn doctors into doing his pathetic job?”

Another much softer voice answers him, but Mulder can’t quite make out the words. He moves closer to the open door, bored enough to bother eavesdropping and seeing which of his colleagues is going to get their ass handed to them today.

���Yeah, I’m sure he is sick, that fucking lowlife. He’s sick every fucking week, it’s always something with him!”

“Sir, I don’t know what the history is between you and the courier,” answers the other voice, and it’s familiar in a way that makes him stop in his tracks, his stomach clutching in a mix of nervousness and excitement. “Can you direct me to Agent Kissop, please? Then I’ll be on my way and you can work it out with the courier service.”

It’s Scully. It’s her, he’s sure. He’s been dreaming of that voice for months, the soft sibilant S’s and the way her plush lips rest against her adorable overbite. Without thinking, he enters Kirkbride’s office and sees her standing in front of his desk with a file in her hand and an exasperated look on her face.

“Scully?” he asks, and she turns to him. Her hair is a bit longer, now just past her shoulders, and she’s wearing black slacks and a white blouse. She’s as beautiful as ever, maybe even more than he remembered. She doesn’t look all that surprised to see him. If anything, she looks relieved. Emotion boils up in his chest immediately and he feels his throat constrict.

“You know her?” Kirkbride asks, gesturing to Scully, and Mulder nods. “Great, then show her where Kissop sits so I can call the fucking courier service and tell them to fire that lazy asshat before I strangle him.”

Scully walks towards him and he turns wordlessly to show her out of Kirkbride’s office and down the hall to where Kissop sits. His heart is beating slowly but firmly, his pulse resounding in his ears. What is she doing here? Did she come here to see him? And if so, why? When they arrive at Kissop’s desk, Scully hands her the file and they exchange words that Mulder doesn’t bother to listen to. Then Scully looks at him hesitantly and slowly turns to walk away, towards the exit. He feels suspended, unsure if he can believe his own eyes that she is really here, and entirely conflicted over what to do about it if she is. He’s spent nine months trying to forget her, but she’s as real and alive as ever, standing before him. His self-protective instinct says to let her go, but his heart says to run after her.

“Quit standing here like a dumbass and go talk to her,” Kissop orders him, clearly picking up on some tension though she doesn’t have the faintest idea what’s causing it.

Shaken from his daze, Mulder follows Scully into the hallway.

“Scully,” he calls out, and she stops walking but doesn’t turn around. When he catches up to her, he touches her shoulder and she turns to face him with wet eyes.

They stand there for a moment, looking at one another, an expectant feeling hanging over them. He wants to touch her, to feel the press of her body against his again, but he doesn’t dare. That would seem like a relapse, of sorts.

“Would you have coffee with me?” she finally speaks, her voice small and unsure. It’s an invitation she is not at all confident he will accept.

“Okay,” he answers, and they walk out of the building side by side, silently.

They seem to understand without saying so that Mulder will lead them to where they ought to go, which is a little cafe called Burial Grounds just a block from the front doors of the Hoover Building. They stand in line stoically, tension crackling between them like static as they order something that will occupy their hands and give them a safe place to avert their eyes while they talk. They sit at a small table near the door and wait, glimpsing at each other’s faces and then away, summoning courage. Because this was at Scully’s invitation, it seems like she should have the floor.

“Ethan and I aren’t together anymore,” she finally blurts out, and his first instinct is to look at her hand, which is indeed bare of any jewelry. Next he looks at her face, considering her expression and whether she takes this to be good news or bad. She looks pained, but not about what she’s just said. She’s had this look on her face since he first spotted her in Kirkbride’s office. He’s unsure if he should be offering congratulations or condolences, and irritated that he’s being put in the position to figure it out, so he says nothing.

“I’m sure that I’m just about the last person you want to see,” she continues, her ocean irises tracing the logo printed on her cup. It wasn’t a question, but if it were he’d tell her that she’s the only person he wants to see, the only one he ever thinks about. The reason he can’t sleep and, when he does, the only thing he dreams about. “If it’s okay, there are some things I’d like to say to you. I understand if you don’t want to hear them.”

She flicks her eyes up to meet his for a moment and he nods softly, keeping his expression neutral. She returns her gaze to the skull and crossbones bearing the name of the coffee shop.

“I have always believed that life is about making the right choices. That we are presented with an ongoing series of options, opportunities and situations, and that we are tasked with determining the right choice that will put us on the path towards the best possible life. But as of late,” she pauses to take a sip of her coffee, stealing a glance at him before she continues, “I’ve come to believe that there is actually only one choice. One path we’re supposed to be on, and there are signs along the way to pay attention to. The choices might not always make sense at the time, but in the grand scheme of things, they are the ones you need to make in order to have the best possible life. Or the right life, the one you’re supposed to have.”

She pauses and slides her hand across the table, covering his with her own. The soft warmth of her skin electrifies him a little, sending a flush to his belly. She brings her eyes up to meet his, her brows knit with emotion as her chin gently puckers. She’s so beautiful it physically hurts.

“I ignored the signs,” she says tightly. “I made the wrong choice, Mulder. I thought I was doing the right thing, the best thing, but I was wrong. I’m so sorry that I hurt you.”

He feels his chest tighten, a telltale precursor to tears, and he looks away from her. Why is she doing this? To make herself feel better? She pulls her hand back and sniffs, then stands and slings her purse over her shoulder.

“Thank you for having coffee with me,” she says, and then he watches her leave. He sits there, staring at the pink lipstick that stains the rim of her cup, wishing she’d given him some more time to absorb it all. Wishing she’d never made the wrong choice.

[ones-delight]

I unfortunately won’t have therapy until the end of this month (I should have scheduled one earlier this month ugh lmao I thought one later this month would be better) so I’m doing what my therapist suggested, write down all what’s going through my head even if it doesn’t make sense to help bring myself back to reality. lol. I’m very much lost in my own sauce of feelings and thoughts. it’s allllll about my ex again so ugh lmao. My main anxieties are just feelings about my ex and what’s coming up this semester.

I’m currently in my apartment in Iowa City since we’re about to start back up my usual routine. I’ve been here for almost two weeks now which is nice because I’ve been trying to take my time to relax and get myself mentally prepared for this upcoming semester. I’m also low key glad I’m having these overwhelming anxieties right now instead of later this week. I need to ask my therapist again what exactly I am feeling (if it’s like a panic attack because i truly dont know) because I’ve been feeling hella anxious the past few days (in general) and yesterday my anxiety was so intense that I barely ate and I felt sick to my stomach. idk if others have the same too but when I also get hella anxious, all I want to do is go to the bathroom so tmi lmao. I feel this way now and I just cannot stop crying so again, I’m just writing everything that’s going through my mind lmao.

#1) Related to my ex, heart break

Yeah.. I literally keep talking about this/him and I’m glad I have multiple outlets that I can say what’s going through my mind because if I keep these thoughts to myself, I keep spiraling. I’m also very thankful I have multiple strong support systems from people where it truly doesn’t get annoying to them when I keep talking about him/my overall heart break/healing journey. I know I don’t want to burden my friends with my own thoughts (it can be a lot) so overall very thankful for friends, family, and my therapist lmao. 

I think the last time I talked about my heart break was the letter I wrote to him. I wrote it and sent it to him lmao. I also wrote his mom a letter in Spanish because I want to stay connected with her and very thankful she reciprocates the same energy, Apparently, he never received the letter even though I sent it over 3 weeks ago, but anyways yeah that’s a story I will tell later in this post. Anyways, it’s legit easier said than done to completely stop checking on his social media. I was doing great before winter break. Now that winter break has happened (still kind of is for a few more days), I have relapsed where I was checking very often. The break was great since I got to spend quality time with family, however, unfortunately being back in Wichita still floods a lot of my emotions where there are still a lot of memories of him and I that still makes me feel sad (luckily no longer sobbing about but I do still feel some type of way. It’s getting better thankfully). It also hurts that he’s making new memories with his new girlfriend Kylie so I was def feeling all sorts of things. Sorry, I’m trying to go onto chronologize order of events that have happened. I’m jumping back and forth lmao 

First, did I mention his mom called me the day before Christmas? I was SHOOOOOK when I saw her name on my phone. I legit froze because I wasn’t sure if it was actually her so I accidently missed her call. I’m so glad she left a voicemail so I could listen first and immediately call her back LMAO. But basically, she wanted to check in to see how I was doing, wish me and my family a merry christmas/happy new year, and asked if I could come see her. We joked a bit back and forth like how she was learning English for me while I’m learning Spanish for her. lmao. so after this phone call, I wrote her a letter to update her on what I’ve been doing. I wrote it all in Spanish since that’s her primary language so thank god for google translate. overall, I told her about how I’m about to earn my masters degree in may, I’ve lost now 30 lbs of weight/having a better relationship with food, how I’m honestly still hurt about her son cheating on me (I was in my feels. You know if you ever get those feelings like you want your mom? She legit is like a mom to me since my mom isn’t an active part of my life so yeah I guess you can say I got mommy issues but anyways) I also told her that if she’d still like me to come over, I’d love to come over and see her.

Few days go by, I’ve been creeping onto his social media, it stings to see how he has flaunted his relationship with Kylie. It hurts because I keep playing this comparison game because he truly has NEVER allowed me to post about us and he would himself refuse to post about us on his social media. So, just to see how he’s been basically spending every single day with her and posting her throughout all of his social media, makes me feel an extreme type of way. during new years, she had a party at her house where it was him, her, his brother paco (which I was SHOOOK because she met paco and not everyone has ever met paco, who is his oldest brother), miguel and his girlfriend (both are super cute btw), Blake (surprisingly), and Erik. I felt some kind of way because obviously I know they would share a new years kiss even tho they’ve only been dating for literally a month. I dated him for 3 years and NEVER got a new years kiss (because he wanted to be with bros). Valentines day is coming up and it’d be their “two month” anniversary and I just KNOW he’d actually put EFFORT into spending that day with her. 3 years I dated this guy and he never ONCE did ANYTHING for me for valentines day. ok I’m getting more hurt thinking how he’s treating his other girls better than me so anyways BACK TO THE TOPIC

few days go by and I got another call from his mom. I actually picked up this time because I was really excited to hear her voice again. I legit would die for this woman legit #1 mom. She asked if she could see me and I happily said yes. It really means a lot that she still gives me the same energy that she gave me when I was still dating her son. One of the hardest parts of us breaking up was the potential of losing his family too because they are all truly good people and I am NOT the CEO of letting people go lmao. okay back to subject, I had TONS of anxiety driving over to her house because I had so many thoughts. I asked on the phone if 1.) is Lalo there. She said no. 2.) Is Paco there. No, he apparently flew back to California that morning. I was low key hoping paco would be there still because it would be cool to catch up with him but anyways my main concern was if eduardo was there so since he wasn’t, I was like “ok vroom vroom let’s go” lmao. WOWOWOWWO seeing her just made my heart so happy. She def has a lot more gray hairs since the last time I saw her lmao she’s the cutest anyways, I’m really shook that HIS DAD FREAKING HUGGED ME. THIS MAN NEVER USUALLY HUGS ANYONEEEEEEEEEEE. Typically how we greet each other, it’s like a wave from a distance and we obvi acknowledge each other. so WOOOOW I was very thankful and shook he hugged me. Anyways, his mom showed me around the house with the Christmas decorations, I noticed her birds were still doing well, she even showed me her new plants she got lmao. We sat at the dining room table and talked and ate mexican snacks. She has broken English and I have broken Spanish so literally thank god for dualingo because it has helped me. I love how when we are together, we talk really slow and try to annunciate for each other LMAOOO. Anyways, THIS WOMAN ALSO GOT ME A STOCKING filled with Mexican Candy. omg this woman i love her so much. Anyways, I showed my tattoos to her and she legit wanted to murder me lmao but she says she likes them but hates them at the same time. She also sat me down and we had a serious conversation in terms of how she sees me. She said that I am no longer known as lalo’s novia, what I am to her is a daughter. I am evelyn’s sister and yo boi that got me crying in the club because that’s what I would love to have, to maintain my relationship with them . Okay, to kind of speed things up, basically we kept talking about Evelyn’s quinceanera that’s happening this year AHHHHHH, dropped Evelyn off and her friend to a friend’s quince, and his mom took me to eat at paleterias tropicana where I tried elote for the first time and had a jugo verde WOOOOOW SOOOOOOOO GOOOOOOOD. literally cannot stop thinking about it. Anyways, random note, I noticed my old K-State beanie in the car and his mom said it was Evelyn’s. It gave me a weird feeling because it was originally mine that he gifted me on our first Christmas together but obviously I knew he wouldn’t keep it so I’m not suprised he gave it to Evelyn. It made me wonder then what did he do to the other gifts that he originally gave me but I gave it back to him once we broke up.. okay that was a tangent, anyways, that was it with the night with his mom and ughhh it was a really fun night and I really am looking forward to seeing her again.

Now fast forward to now-ish, me not doing good of not checking his social media, I got triggered because they now made it “facebook officlal” that they are dating. it triggered me because again, he refused to publicize our relationship and it really threw me off that they’ve only been dating for a month (technically interested in each other since October, started dating November) and already publicizing they are together. they moving hella quick and basically, I got hella bitter. I felt reckless and I texted him. I KNOW I shouldn’t have texted him because I immediately felt a sense of regret after but also low key glad I did text him. ugh i hate me lmao. Anyways, i texted him and he asked if he could call me so I said yes. Luckily, the conversation was better than I expected because it was simply like two old friends catching up. It was a really good feeling even tho I’m honestly still hurt about the way that he treated me. It caught me by suprised when he said that he has talked about me with Kylie and he actually stated that he knows what he did and feels regretful for the choices he made. That was a huge shocker and I do still have trust issues because I try to take things that he says with a grain of salt. He may be saying things to me that I want to hear but it’s not the truth so anyways lmao. Our conversation was good and it really got me thinking what exactly am I doing/how am I really feeling.

I really am happy for him. Yes i’m still deeply hurt and feel a type of way about how he treated me, but I can’t do anything about the past and all I can do is just simply be happy for him. I will always love him without a doubt, but he isn’t my person. I hope this doesn’t come off as selfish but he will never find someone better than me, he is simply finding someone better suited for him. What helps me the most about this is thinking about ME because that’s the situation for him, however, I know I will find someone better than him because I deserve the best.

I felt bad for asking because I am just fucking nosy and I’m glad he was okay with me asking about what happened with his relationship with Lila (the girl he left me for) and how did he start dating Kylie. He shared with with me that even though it was all great in the beginning with Lila (and let me tell you dude, he totally was hella infatuated with her lmao), they started becoming two different people. She apparently wasn’t emotionally there for him when he needed her (IRONICCCCCCCCCCCCC BECAUSE THAT’S EXACTLY HOW HE WAS WITH ME THROUGHOUT OUR 3 YEARS TOGETHER) and she ended the relationship. It did make me sad to hear because everyone needs support and it is sad when you go to someone for support and they don’t give you it, ya know? anyways, he said with Kylie, they’ve been friends for two years (I knew who she was when we were together but they’ve always only been friends since they worked at the Sunflower together. This will sound extremely bad but I never thought about her being a girl to worry about because she did a lot of “white” things that we make fun of white people for and so it kind of shocked me that he is dating her now but anyways) apparently he said that “they were hanging out and next thing he knows is that he kissed her and that’s how they started dating.” dude didn’t want to go into detail which was fine but I’m also in my head like “ok lmao you literally just got broken up by your ex and then immediately start hanging out with another girl? ok” ANYWAYS, I really am happy for him and wish him the best. 

It was cool to hear about what he’s hoping to do. He shared a lot more detail than usual which again caught me by surprise. Anyways, he shared that he is currently looking for a new place to live (a house to rent) somewhere in college hill (conveniently where Kylie also lives lmao) with Erik. He is also hoping to find another job soon because things at KWCH are no longer making him feel happier so he’s looking to see if he can work for a non-profit org which makes me happy for him because I’d also want to do the same. If I’m at a job where I’m not excited to be, I’d want to also try to make a switch. He also shared that junior (martin, his little brother) will be moving to Cali in May to move close to paco which wow made me really happy for them all. Anyways, he shared that he is hoping to stay in Wichita for about one more year and then possibly relocating to KC or somewhere in Oklahoma. i did encourage him KC because it seems that KC has much more opportunities than Wichita and Oklahoma. Only thing we both hate is driving in KC lmao

Okay, so overall, I’m still really hurt about how our relationship was and how it ended but I’m very grateful that I’m doing what is best for me to make progress because this is not an overall easy thing to do, move on. I do feel low key embarrassed that I still am not over our break up but I’m very glad that I know that He isn’t my person. we will and I cannot get back together with him even if he stated that he has “changed” Yes i invested so much in him to be my forever partner and it didn’t work out but that’s okay. I’m always willing to invest in people to be the best version of themselves and it really makes me happy to see people thrive. I truly cannot and will not take him back if there was ever a time where he wanted to give us a second try because I need to remember how he treated me. If he really was always thinking it was me, then he shouldn’t have cheated on me, treated me so poorly. I’m okay with us remaining friends, but as partners in life? that isn’t it. I deserve so much better and the man of my dreams will come. I’m 10000000% okay with being single because I know I need to work on myself so that I can be fully ready for my next. I really wish my next relationship is my one and only, but hey we’ll see. 

so this is already extremely long but I’m very glad I got this all out of me. I know I have other anxieties such as starting school again, which will be my last semester before I earn my masters (FINALLY), RA training coming back up (so me working is coming back), JOB SEARCH. So much is coming up and AHHHHHHHHHHHHH. I need to get my head into gear. 

[intombedarc]

@coulsonx​​ asked: 💘 you know whomst

send me 💘 + A SHIP and i’ll tell you—

where they first met and how

SHIELD. jessica was being pulled in about a particular situation that involved her and a few avengers getting into an altercation (relation to kilgrave’s influence on her and the ordered hit placed on daredevil and confusing him for scarlet witch). agent coulson was greeted with a very fed up and pissed off jessica that wanted nothing to do with SHIELD for having the audacity to ask her to join the agency in the aftermath of the incident. the information that was given to him did not seem like it was enough to fully grasp exactly the root of why she vehemently denied joining the avengers and SHIELD. although she didn’t apologize, she did feel apologetic for coming off strongly towards an agent that was simply doing his job.

how long their ‘flirting’ phase was before feelings got involved?

oh, their flirting phase never ended and it never will. jones and coulson refuse to believe that it ends when their feelings were finally said and admitted to one another. she usually starts it off with something small and subtle, coulson eats it up and goes bigger with his teasing. it’s really sweet and playful.

who fell for who first ( if applicable )

coulson was the one that caught deep feelings for jessica first. a little bit later down the line before not speaking to each other for several years, she caught feelings for him. it was the only time where she felt like she would never see him again so she bottled up her emotions in a jar and locked it away for ten years.

where their first date was and what it was like

the carnival along the piers in new york was a simple enough date. she disliked the loud crowd so they went just when the crowd was dying out, letting them enjoy some intimacy, she got to spend time with coulson in a better mindset as they never had a first date until they started talking to each other again. and for once, the date actually went well. she got to crack a few smiles and laugh genuinely with him. he took her home and gave her a small prize that he won for her. it was sentimental and very sweet.

who asks who out and how ( with a sign? spelled out on a cake? just a simple ‘will you go out with me’? )

this one’s very equal. coulson gets creative when he wants to. sometimes, it just comes out as a what if question. he’ll shoot her a text to go to dinner or asking her to attend some gathering as undercover (a rare occasion as he does his best not to get her involved out of protection) jessica, on the other hand, doesn’t like to beat around the bush. she’ll just ask if he wants coffee with her or take a walk at night or go to some theater to watch a movie. jessica is very lowkey and simple.

who proposes first

oddly enough, the proposal was initially a joke between them. jessica was the one to ask coulson seriously after a long time of just toying around with the idea (even if the subject barely came up, it was still a joke to them both)

if they keep / kept their relationship secret or let everyone know right away

at first, it was a mutual agreement for their relationship to be private. they don’t like being distracted from their work and they both didn’t want to hear any backlash or comments about their intimacy. slowly but surely after civil war and after all the dust was settled, growing closer to each other was the only subject left for both of them to really work on. at that point, jessica did not care of coulson went around telling everyone that he was in a relationship with her. 

where the proposal happens and how ( kiss cam at a baseball game? on a hillside surrounded by ducks? at a disney park? )

it happened on one of their midnight strolls, passing by central park (much farther from her apartment). although hand in hand, she didn’t have a ring on her like she wanted to. it felt like summer outside, slightly humid with a little breeze. they stayed out for a few hours just laying in the grass to look up at the stars, far apart from anyone who could pass by. she felt the need to take a moment and ask if he would marry her.

if they adopt any pets together

on the farm, they have plenty of feral cats, a few goats, chickens. a nice sized patch of land to have their pets run around.

who’s more dominant

jessica seems to have the dominance a good chunk of the time when she wants to claim it and coulson isn’t not afraid to let her have that role. however, it would easily switch over to coulson for his authoritative nature.

where their first kiss was and what it was like

just outside of her favorite bar, in the alleyway when she likes to grab a drink if she doesn’t want to be in the apartment. it was actually slow and sweet at first, they were both cautious enough to test the waters with each other until they just consumed each other.

if they have any matching couples stuff ( mugs? sweaters? pillowcases? )

i don’t think they do it on purpose. she leans towards wearing dark colors anyway so there’s a chance that they’ll end up being matchy-matchy. like they both have a love for wearing band tees so it won’t be surprising if one of them is wearing the other’s shirt. (jessica wears oversized band tees so it fits coulson anyway.)

how into pda they are

they both love their privacy. coulson will sneak in a hand hold and it won’t bother her too much but she does get nervous and she’ll reel back into her shell. it took a minute for her to be completely comfortable with just holding his hand in public. it was nothing against him, she’s just very shy about who’s in her business but at the end of the day, they both believe it’s not anyone’s concern to butt in.

who holds the umbrella when it rains

coulson because he’s the tol one and jessica is too stubborn to carry an umbrella.

where their usual ‘date spot’ is ( if applicable )

anywhere that gives them intimacy, whether it’s in some restaurant that overlooks the city or at each other’s places. there’s no particular ‘date spot’ per say.

who’s more protective

jessica is more protective of coulson, regardless of his skillset. ofc she’s physically stronger but verbally cuts through anyone who wants to step to him, even if he can handle himself perfectly fine.

how long it is before they sleep together ( can be as in ‘had sex’ or as in ‘shared a bed’ )

literally -- it took them a week. and that’s the longest she’s waited to jump into bed with someone because she has a lot of respect for coulson.

if they argue about anything

about each other’s sleeping habits, jessica potentially relapsing, each other’s safety (that’s a big one), secrets that unveil themselves that hurts the other emotionally (i.e jessica finding out that coulson died and came back to life) they don’t have shouting matches but they do have heated arguments.

who leaves more marks ( lipstick, hickeys, scratchmarks etc. )

coulson at first but it shifted over to jessica very quickly.

who steals whose clothes and how often

jess is the thief who takes his shirts, hoodies, dress shirts, etc. whatever she finds to be comfortable and reminds her of coulson? it’s hers. it mostly happens if she’s run out of clothes to wear which is some of the time. coulson hide ur pjs.

how they cuddle ( spooning? facing each other? )

coulson is the little spoon to her big spoon. there is nothing in the entire world that she loves more than to hug from behind and just bury her face in his neck and back. she feels at home and very safe around him.

what their favourite nonsexual activity is

playing uno is their top favorite because it means that they have to dare each other to do stupid things like prank call the avengers tower.

how long they stay mad at each other

they may need a little space for a day or two, depending on their schedules. they’ve never gone more than a week from not talking to each other. if coulson is overseas on a mission, it never hurts to make a phone call just to see if she’s okay and vice versa.

what their usual coffee / tea orders are

jessica likes her coffee semi-sweet while he drinks his straight black.

if they ever have any children together

they raise danielle together and have a few pets when they leave downstate for upstate. it’s possible that they would have another child together just to really settle down but danielle is all that she and coulson are focusing on.

if they have any special pet names for each other

‘sweetheart‘ is a big sarcastic pet name. jess and coulson are comfortable being assholes to one another for the sake of being funny. there’s really no special nickname for them.

if they ever split up and / or get back together

they have broken up and gotten back together ten years later. it wasn’t very harsh the first time, they simply understood that they both needed to fix themselves before anything serious were to happen. on jessica’s end, it didn’t seem that way and she took it bitterly, feeling like she invested in a little more than she thought she did. they didn’t / couldn’t reach out to each other sooner due to certain circumstances.

what their shared living space is like ( messy? clean? what kind of decor? )

together at the farm, it’s an organized clutter. not very messy but you’ll see items that are always used readily placed to be picked up again. there’s no specific style to their farm other than it’s a farmhouse so there’s a flare of country living but much more modern for the both of them.

what their first christmas / hanukkah / etc as a couple was like

hm. their first holiday felt like more pressure than what there needed to be, at least for jess. i think in celebration of holidays, it’s very subtle and fun in their own way. it’s the only time where jessica doesn’t really celebrate because she had no one to celebrate it with / didn’t care of it as much. ever since she had danielle, her perspective changed a lot. add coulson into that mix and she’s way more optimistic and considerate of the people that surround her.

what their names are in each other’s phones

for coulson it’s just ‘jessica’ and for her it’s ‘super agent’ because she’s cute like that.

if they have any ‘couple traditions’ ( buying a new mug for their collection every year? baking every friday evening? )

make out in some alleyway, apparently LOL i think after they move to upstate, they take danielle to downstate at least a few times a year so she can get the best of both worlds.

who falls asleep first and who wakes up first

it depends on who’s more tired and who’s willing to wake up with the sun. jessica definitely sleeps in but she’s not always the first to fall asleep. sometimes she’ll wait for coulson to sleep first before she drifts off just in case he wanted to stay up and get his mind off.

who’s the big spoon / little spoon

coulson is the little spoon most of the time. jessica likes to be big spoon because he’s very comfortable to hold.

who hogs the bathroom

neither of them, i don’t think?

who kills the spiders / takes them outside

they’re both spider killers. danielle is the one that takes them outside.

[meghand]

i’ve had a lot of thoughts about rue and jules and their relationship building up and i feel like i need to get them out so here goes: i’ve been seeing a bunch of posts about these two basically either saying that they’re a perfect cutesy couple and should just be together forever or that they’re super toxic for each other and should not be together

and i kind of feel like i have a foot in both camps

on the one hand, as of the end of season one, their codependence does seem unhealthy. rue has placed a lot of her sobriety in the hands of the happiness that she’s found in being with/around jules, whether or not jules signed on for that or if she’s even fully aware of it. that’s not fair to either of them, and one person can’t ever really be responsible for another’s progress and mental health like that. so far we have seen rue take a few steps toward getting better and stronger on her own and for herself, but the mentality she’s maintained throughout this season is that jules is the end all be all.

 and to me it seems like jules, when she decides she loves someone (which, given the fact that she thinks she’s in love with anna after meeting her once, may not be the most reliable) she dives in head first; with “tyler” who she met on an app and had no way of verifying whether or not he might actually be the person he said he was (in more ways than one, as we found out), she agreed to meet him late at night in a secluded area where there was no one else around to see or hear a thing; with anna, as i mentioned above, she spent one intoxicated night (was it a whole weekend? not actually sure but still) with her dancing, hooking up, and getting, to be honest, fake-deep and calling it a real connection.

with rue it’s a bit different. we clearly see that rue falls for jules very early on and girlfriend is by no means a master of controlling her face. but they start as friends. they get to know one another (with secrets here and there, to be sure) slowly but solidly. they make each other happy. and jules takes her time in realizing and admitting that what’s driving this friendship/relationship might actually be love after all. and when she finally admits this, out loud to rue, she takes rue’s half-joking running away suggestion and says fuck it let’s go. without thought to logistics, without a plan, in her mind all that matters is that they’re in love and that’s all they need to get by. 

but, i think, the fact that with rue she took time to form a foundation and settle into the thrill of being in love... that might make all the difference

yes, she leaves rue on the platform while she remains on the train, but every time these two are apart, jules misses rue. she talks about rue. they’re in near constant contact from the moment they meet. she even asks if she should text rue when she’s literally dancing with anna who could not more clearly be trying to get with her. i’ve seen some people say that jules’ feelings for rue aren’t that strong or that rue is only convenient to her, but i think a lot of that reservation comes from knowing but not knowing how rue feels about her. yes, to us it’s obvious, but to me that moment in the bathroom stall when she asks rue why she doesn’t kiss-kiss her is so telling. she knows rue likes her, but rue (who is likely asking herself the same questions) hasn’t shown the outright passion that jules thinks is there but can’t be quite sure, and without that confirmation, letting herself fully feel and express a real love that goes beyond the texting and short-lived romances we’ve seen her in so far has got to be, well, scary.

when rue decides not to get on the train, we see that she can separate her love for jules and need to be with her/make her happy from her own well being. despite the drugs she takes at the end of the finale, i can only assume that as she recovers from her relapse, this time she knows that a support system can’t be a single person she just puts herself into. we’ve seen her get help from her mom. we’ve seen her push and encourage her sister to do better than she did. she’s got a sponsor who’s going to kick her ass, tell her “i told you so,” and then help her see that a relationship is like a bridge between two towers - if their structural integrity relies too heavily on the bridge, when the bridge caves in, the towers can only follow suit, but if the towers themselves are built up strong, in the event of a bridge collapse, they will remain upright. 

and rue will build herself back up with a stronger foundation. by staying behind even after jules begged her to join her on the train, told her again the words rue has been waiting to hear practically since they met, that jules loves her, she has shown us, and jules, and herself that she has the capacity to do what’s right for herself even if it means not making jules happy. this moment is a huge first step. because they do love each other, they just haven’t yet been able to do it right. part of that is just them being teenagers. 

i think the finale has shown us so much more potential for the future of the relationship between rue and jules than anyone has given it credit for. and while, i admit, they are by no means in a perfectly healthy relationship throughout the one season we’ve gotten so far, we’ve been left off at the perfect pivotal point for these two characters to own up to their situations, learn and grow on their own, and come back together in a way that is healthy and as close to perfect as these things can get.

[maxbernini]

s6 with alexia with eliotts role... why would you bring up this brilliant idea now i can’t stop thinking about it

(this is SUPER long sorry, i got kinda carried away but idk how to do read mores on mobile)

i can't stop thinking about it either!!! i know it wouldn't have solved every issue because the skamfr writers are still...the skamfr writers lmao, but it's a small change with large impacts: it would've strengthened the better plots and eliminated (some of) the worse ones, whilst also continuing alexia's story from s5, and potentially making the decision to have her and arthur get back together in the finale much better too.

in my opinion they either needed to really focus on lola's relationships with the women in her life OR keep eliott, but take out the creepiness. because tbh even without the cursed scene or the relapse plot, i don't love their relationship. i think me and you have both said this before but they just work better as occasional mentor and distant friend, rather than the brother/sister dynamic the writers pushed (which i honestly didn't feel until the scene where she apologizes + he teases her about maya, but i’ll never be on board with it after the cursed scene. having that scene inherently ruins the point of portraying eliott as the Good Older Brother figure lmao). i don't love basile but i think the sibling dynamic felt more organic with him, because he kinda already is, in a way? like it's much less weird for lola to have a close brotherly relationship with her sister's boyfriend - someone she'll probably end up being related to anyways - than with her sister's friend's boyfriend (and eliott needs friends his own age, but that’s another rant).

but if alexia had replaced eliott like...wow, the POTENTIAL. alexia is supposedly daphné's childhood friend but apparently she and lola have no relationship, even though they would've grown up together? i know daphné's whole thing was Caring Too Much About What Other People Think but there's no way alexia wouldn't have already been over to their apartment and known their financial situation? known about her mother and sister's struggles??

so you have alexia, someone who already cares about lola pre-s6, being this older sister mentor when lola's actual older sister is not someone she can talk to yet - further strengthening the Sisterhood As The Real Love Story theme. like why stop with daphné? why not explore sisterhood in both a sibling way and a general womanhood way? alexia being equally empathetic to both daphné and lola given that she's known both forever (compared to other old gen characters who are likely to be more biased towards daphné), but it's also a mutually beneficial relationship, because apparently nobody in the old gen is mad at arthur for cheating?? so without making lola her therapist (and vice versa), alexia is able to talk to someone about that situation who isn’t loyal to arthur, and because both of them struggle with confidence / the way they're perceived / their relationships with others, there's already several things they have in common.

also just a wlw friendship!! alexia almost being lola's eskild in a way, and helping her process the trauma she has with men. an actual convo where lola talks about her sexuality (or at least labels it!!!!). this is where you could develop alexia's story after s5, seeing more of her mindset, dreams, experiences, etc and either affirm her decision to not get back with arthur or 'fix' it (arthur/alexia replacing elu as the s6 background ship).

which, speaking of: also focusing on lola's relationships with lamifex + maya. with the former, you have her healing with her community (yes i'm claiming sekou & jo as lgbt here). sekou and max being two guys who don't mistreat or kiss her, and there's another layer of sisterhood if they gave jo a personality beyond 'quirky and obsessed with eliott', and maybe specifically parallel her to tiff? both jo and tiff being really bubbly and approachable at first glance, but one's mean and the other's genuinely kind, with jo thus proving that friendship IS a good thing, you won't always get burned, it's good to let people in, etc. and then with the latter, i think there'd be less of a 'romantic love saves all' vibe that i kinda got with the final lines + parts of the supermarket kiss speech, if it wasn't just a romantic relationship that played such a large role in lola's healing arc.

anyways tl;dr: the season six plot begins with a woman's death and follows the subsequent traumas it triggers, so it simply makes SENSE for the season to come full circle by having the main find strength, self-confidence, development and healing through her relationships with other women, and the best way to have done that is through the combination of alexia (older mentor), daphné (actual sister), maya (girlfriend), and jo (best friend) aka a whole spectrum of different women and different relationship dynamics!! who else is bitter.

[andvs]

◊ ♫ ◊— look what the cat dragged in! that’s ANDREA DE LUCA and SHE is an around 24-year-old REGULAR to the store, but they’ve been in the neighborhood for 1 YEAR & EIGHT MONTHS. I think they are a FASHION DESIGNER and I overheard them listening to UNSTEADY by X AMBASSADORS, and, I dunno man, it seemed pretty fitting. Like, call me shallow but I look at them and think of SOFIA CARSON and FEELING ALONE IN A ROOM FULL OF PEOPLE, FALTERED SMILES BEHIND DESIGNER GLASSES, and THE SOUND OF HEELS AGAINST MARBLE FLOORS.

tw: drug abuse mention

hi !! my name is courtney and this is my human elite trash bag andrea !! she is gio’s little sister (she was adopted but that’s another story hey) and she will ! judge you on what kind of clothes you are wearing :/ she’s that :// kind of person :/ 

name: andrea eleanora de luca  nickname(s): the only person who would call her andrea is her mother, and only when she’s in trouble, otherwise it’s just andy ://  sexuality: bisexual queen  family: bart & samantha de luca (parents), aldo de luca (brother, older), giovanni de luca (brother, older) & beckett liao (nephew, younger) 

she was only a few days old !! when her birth parents died,,,, supposedly,,,, and the de luca’s adopted her, probably for some pr stunt :/ or genuine kindness out of their hearts :/ but nevertheless, a spoiled life with a silver spoon in her mouth was what andrea grew up to knew, with her big brown eyes and adorable smile, it meant she was able to get away with more than what her brothers could :// 

even from a young age, andrea was always so headstrong and competitive, she got what she wanted and it didn’t matter how she got it. in primary school she was always picked first in sports, she was ahead in her class, she was a mini regina george without everybody fanning over her rip andy’s rights :// 

with the de luca’s being nothing more than successful, it drove andrea’s need to be better than everybody around her :// sorry if you went to school with her :// with her father being a senator, andy knew she had to at least live a pristine life, keeping things behind closed doors - so she learned, she studied hard and focused on school, aced every test, just to get her father’s attention. she kept her addiction to adhd medication a secret, her string of broken hearts and lipstick stains in the closet; all with a flutter of her eyelashes and a pretty smile. 

fitting right into the de luca’s world of politics and high society, andrea got accepted into law school and it was there that her drug addiction came to a head; finally finding the confidence to confide in her mother who quietly sent her to rehab for a few months before college started on the condition that if she relapsed, she would be sent back home indefinitely. to be honest, andrea would have rather been locked away in a remote island than to go home. 

she had a taste of freedom and she wanted more. andrea completed her stint at rehab and now that she was out of the house and away from the crushing pressure of being senator de luca’s daughter it was finally time to thrive and find out who andy really was. and she... really did not want to be a law student...... yikes. but still ! andy stuck it out because she ! was not going to be the second child to disappoint their parents !! when she was around 21 she met who she thought was the love :/ of her life :/ can i call double yikes??? im calling it 

charlie was everything andrea thought love to be. he was charming, funny, smooth - awkward at the best times; andrea couldn’t help but love him completely. their love was a whirlwind of emotions - they talked about everything from how many kids, to what pets they wanted, talking about saving for an apartment after law school.... y’all they even got engaged :((( 

planning a wedding while ??? still going to law school while deciding if you even still wanted to be a lawyer was just stress on stress .... for charlie apparently; on the day of what was supposed to be Andrea’s best day was probably one of the worst, because she was left at the alter by the person who she thought she was plannign to spend the rest of her life with ! standing there staring at an empty spot where her fiance was supposed to be with her entire family ? and high society friends ? staring at her ... embarrassing 

shortly after, andy dropped out of law school and moved away. and she kept moving 

she settled into new york, she went back to school eventually and worked on a fashion degree & she’s now (soon to be) starting her own fashion line ??? if she gets her shit in line !! we love a girl who has goals 

i want to say gio and andy were close as kids but sudhejfkds lets be real andy was a spoiled kid who really only mellowed out in her late teens and by then it was prob too late !!! she lowkey misses him and wished she had someone to turn to ://

personality !!

she can be in a room full of people and still feel alone, she second guesses herself & who she is but ! she is still from a prestigious family so andy is outwardly elegant, poised, always with a smile on her face. she can be easily angered but since rehab she’s worked on letting go of a lot of shit that has the potential to ruin her. she knows her way around politics and a debate, though with her competitive streak comes her need for other medications she’s not prescribed so she tends to stay away from that. 

in saying that though ! andy can also be manipulative to get what she wants, she’s blunt & can be overly sarcastic and critical of herself & others. especially if you have no dress sense. 

in the last year or so she’s def more vulnerable and keeps more to herself, she used to revel in the spotlight but now she just kind of ? shies away from it from the last time she got bad publicity for being left at the altar :/ 

wanted connections !! 

best friends - someone who knows allllll of this mess and can still !! put up with her shit would be !! amazing. i’m talking best friends who can potentially live together in an apartment doing !! best friend things !! g vie me 

child hood friends - someone from andy’s childhood who probably ran in the same social circle as her. their families would be friends ?? u know. doctor fams, lawyer fams, ... rich fams. they don’t necessarily have to be friends now but !! someone who knew what andrea used to be like would be nice 

enemies - hell fuckin yeah. someone andrea just cant stand, y’know, it can be completely one-sided on andy’s part & your characters just caught in the crossfire, or it could go both ways. idk maybe they both went to school together skdkg f

exes: since andy was a teenager & after she got left at the alter, she left a string of broken hearts wherever she went. i’m feeling if this was after that whole thing, bc andrea’s kind of... hating the idea of love, she could have rlly done a number on your character etc. 

anything ! everything ! talk to me i love u all !

[dinosaurs-last-day]

I rewatched RWBY vol 7 and compiling a list of things I don’t like or am confused by with in the volume.  

This includes everything from main plot points, side story arcs, and character designs. They are all my opinions. 

Go below the cut to read the list, since it’s so long.

- When did Qrow give up drinking exactly? They never said anything until the back of the truck scene.

-No relapses. I know the volume was only 13 episodes. But giving up drinking is hard, and Qrow had it bad. The most temptation he faced was being offered a drink at a party and the way he turned it down was too easy for someone who just gave up drinking. Did CRWBY not do their research on rehab? I, and I’m sure a lot of other Qrow stans, would have loved to see them at least touch on the subject.

-Ace Ops introduction. They come all the way to Mantle to arrest them and then just hand them off to two random soldiers instead of bringing Team RWBY and Co. in themselves. They could have gotten the kids and Qrow up there faster if they had all gone together. I know it adds to the drama of the Ironwood meeting, but still. 

-Ace Ops Hair. Marrow is the only one with a valid hairstyle.Elm and Vine get a pass because even though their hair is super basic, it works for their characters. Harriet and Clover are the two Ace Ops where I really hate their hair style. Hair doesn’t naturally stand up the way Harriet’s does and I hate her short Mohawk thing going on. I don’t even know what to call Clover’s hair, all I can say is that it’s bad.

- Marrow and Vine’s skin color. Like, Why does Marrow look greyish-blue? I know literally zero people who look like that. That ain’t natural. One the same note, I feel like I should mention Vine’s skin color. This one doesn’t bother me as much, but still. I know CRWBY makes their characters pale, but Vine is as white as a sheet of paper.

-Ironwood and Qrow hug. You cannot convince me that James would actually hug someone, especially initiate the freaking hug. 

-Jaune’s new haircut. This has been something I hated since the new volume premiered and we saw it for the first time. It looks like a bunch of bananas and I want his fluffy hair back. 

-The Moms flirting with Jaune. He’s 18, you have children. Really, what the hell.

-The way they introduced Robyn and her Happy Huntresses. I’m not talking about when that dude mentioned them in the airship, I’m talking about when they first appeared on screen. Robyn is a good person, she wants to change Mantle for the better, but she’s introduced trying to it illegally. I mean, she’s running for council, and she had a really good chance of winning. I know she wanted to help as soon as possible, but did she really have to do it illegally by stopping shipments? After the election is more understandable, but before?

-What was Willow Schnee doing in Jacques’ office? It felt like CRWBY just inserted her there to let us meet Weiss’s mom. I mean, they made it work, but I can’t be the only one wondering what she was doing in her husband’s private office. She couldn’t just be drinking, right? 

-Why wasn’t Robyn handed the position of Councilwoman when Jacques was arrested? I mean, the Council knows that she was supposed to win, that she technically won. And Jacques can fit back when he’s under arrest, especially if he’s being convicted of treason and assisting a murderer. It would have made sense to give her the seat, even if it wasn’t a ceremonious moment, she definitely deserved it. 

-Tyrian vs. the birds. (Robyn, Clover, Qrow). If the birds were taking Tyrian from Mantle to Atlas, which is floating right about Mantle, why would they need to cross the Tundra? 

-Episode 12. Do I even need to say anything about it? I don’t know a single person who enjoys watching episode 12. There are already so many posts about everything wrong with episode 12, I don’t really need to go over it again. Let’s just say that it is all kinds of messed up.

-One thing I will say about Episode 12 is: where the fuck did Tyrian go? He’s in the middle of the Tundra, with no shelter around. But when the military comes to pick up Qrow after the fight (you know what fight I’m talking about), he’s nowhere nearby. Did Tyrian teleport or magically disappear? Seriously, what is that about?

-Blood. This is about Clover and Winter, and how we saw more blood in two episodes than we have in the entire season. One thing RWBY has always prided itself on is being a family friendly, blood free show. That all went out the window in the last two episodes in vol 7. Not only did we see blood, but it was a lot of blood. 

-Ren’s personal story arc. Why is it necessary that he needs to doubt himself so much that he pushes Nora of all people away? What does it bring to the story but angst. I mean, I love angst, but there was already a lot of it in this volume without adding Ren’s personal pain into it.   

-Marrow’s wasted potential. I mean, he’s a faunus, working in a military position, and who obviously doesn’t agree with everything the government does and allows. I mean, Marrow couldn’t even look Team RWBY in the eyes when they stood up against Ironwood, when all of the other Ace Ops defended Ironwood. He stayed silent. He looks so sad having to arrest the girls, it’s pretty clear that this is not what he wants. CRWBY could have used that to make a really good side plot, but instead they just kinda erased Marrow’s personality and made him do whatever the rest of the Ace Ops were doing. Honestly, I could make this point it’s own post, and maybe I will later. 

-The Staff of Creation. Why is it in the intro if they don’t even show it in the actual volume? It’s mentioned a few times, and yeah, it’s the all important relic, but it was just in the intro to remind us that it existed. 

__________________________________________

That’s a lot to take in. This took me about a week to sit on and think about. The original list was a lot longer, and a lot picker, breaking apart every little moment in the show. But I shorted it to 18 notes, leaving only the ones I felt strongly about. Please feel free to add onto this list or DM me/send me an ask if you want to ask anything about my list. 

people who asked to be tagged in this post: @panickedpansexualpanda @jadeviridi78

[aion-rsa]

Infinity Train and Manifestations of Trauma and Abuse

https://ift.tt/3b40KOO

In the third season of Infinity Train (subtitled Book 3), one single aspect among many sticks out: the shots of characters placing their hands on each other’s shoulders. In the crazy, random events that occur on this grandiose, mysterious train, characters reach out to each other, eager for connection, longing for trust, pining for affection. 

Then when certain revelations disrupt understood and accepted relationships, the  meaning and of these gestures shift. Suddenly, reaching out for others is dangerous, portrayed as movements of panic, fear, control, and manipulation. They become violations of personal space. These denials devolve into warnings, then threats, then all-out violence. Such events exemplify the theme and power of Infinity Train season 3. The show depicts the ways trauma and abuse manifest themselves, even in those we love, and the harrowing ways people have to elude the brunt of it.

Infinity Train’s overall development has been shocking, ingenious, and powerfully clever. It began as a broadly vague but character-specific fairytale of a young girl who had to face the truth of her past, and her relationship with her parents’ divorce, in which the train’s purpose could be distilled down into creating distinct worlds within each train car that provide assistance to help its troubled passengers become their best selves. The second season tore apart the premise and saw a mirrored doppelganger of the first season’s protagonists break free of their original train-car world, only to be confronted with the raw truth that the denizens of each car world serve no purpose but to advocate for the progress of the passengers.

 The third season pushes this notion even further by taking a closer look at Apex, a group of passengers who have in effect tossed aside the story, who thrive in the train with little concern for the denizens of the train worlds–the “nulls.” They aren’t looking to get better; or, more accurately, they believe the act of getting better consists of increasing their number (humans who arrive on the train are assigned a number that glows on their hands; as they perform acts of generosity, bravery, compassion, or overall acts of goodness, that number goes down. Once it reaches zero, they can go back home). To them, improving one’s moral or ethical perspectives towards a self-actualized sense of peace isn’t how one gets better. To the Apex, becoming a raw, primal, carefree agent of chaos is true Enlightenment. (The Apex also have a complicated belief system where the conductor of the train, a small robot named One-One, is “fake,” and the “real” conductor, a human that took over the train way back in season one, is the One True conductor.)

Grace and Simon, the leaders of the Apex, take their wards on occasional missions to other train cars where they loot, pillage, and destroy the world within them with glee. It’s brutal to watch, even if the denizens–the nulls”–are just anthropomorphic objects. On one particular mission, the train “shifts” (relocating the entire car, basically), leaving Grace and Simon to traverse the cars to get back to the Apex HQ. Along the way they meet a young girl named Hazel and her large, powerful, protective companion, a gorilla named Tuba, who has literal tubas connected to her. Hazel intrigues the Apex leads, partly because she’s human, and the Apex recruits humans, but partly because the number on her hand doesn’t glow, while the others humans’ numbers do. The course of the season at first is about venturing back to the Apex car while figuring out a way to get Hazel on the Apex side and ditch/dispose of Tuba.

In the course of this mission, however, Grace grows more and more affectionate towards Hazel, opening up to her about her past and establishing an “older sister” dynamic to the girl. Grace’s careful manipulations to pull Hazel away from Tuba and towards her ends up also bridging Hazel and Grace closer. Simon, however, gradually starts to feel pushed away, particularly in an episode where they meet Simon’s former companion, a cat named Samantha, who ran away from him when he was younger and at his most helpless. Grace apologizes to Simon for her neglect, but this moment also plants the seed in which Simon’s broken, vicious downfall begins. In the following episode, Simon begins to step up his direct challenges to Tuba, and while Grace tries her best to maintain some kind of peace, Simon finds a way to “wheel” Tuba–to essentially kill her.

It’s an explicit, horrifying moment, and Simon expresses no remorse. Hazel, completely distraught, rushes out, but when Grace follows, Hazel transforms into a strange, turtle hyrbid. Hazel is not human but a “null,” and the revelation instantly makes Simon a real, vicious threat if he were to find out. Now Grace has to use her skill for manipulation less as a mechanism for weaponizing and control, but as a tool for protection and survival. It’s genuinely nerve-wracking to watch Grace wrack her brain in subsequent episodes to keep Hazel’s truth a secret and to keep Simon off guard. It’s even harder as Hazel struggles to keep her true emotions at bay, bottled up due to the direct fear that Simon will kill her.

The human characters that traverse this train all struggle with some kind of personal failing or struggle, but the Apex’s worldview only exacerbates the issues. Grace, for her part, channelled her loneliness and isolation into crafty acts of desire and attention, and directing that towards Hazel inadvertently starting on the path to healing. But Simon never was afforded any potential outlet for compassion or empathy. We don’t get a backstory about him, but it doesn’t matter. Samantha “leaving” him traumatized him, and seeing her again triggers him in the very direct and honest sense of the word. With no real outlet to cope or learn (Simon doesn’t get a chance to really venture the cars to even somewhat develop; Grace at least seems to explore a bit), his trauma and pains festers, solidifying into three unhealthy, self-rewarding truths: a quasi-love for Grace, a power/status role in the Apex, and a misguided understanding in the purpose of the “true” conductor.

Read more

TV

How The Ren & Stimpy Reboot Reignited the Debate Around Animation Gatekeepers

By Kevin Johnson

So it’s inevitable that Simon wouldn’t care at all about Hazel’s loss, pain, and/or fear. Simon’s inability to provide support or empathy towards Hazel, not two episodes after Grace shows sympathy towards Simon’s traumatic relapse over losing his past “null” partner, is telling. Simon’s pain is based on what he believed to be his past partner’s betrayal and abandonment, which partly explains why he doesn’t trust nulls, but he also weaponizes his pain and trauma, wielding it the very ways abusers often do: guilt trips, passive-aggressive behaviors, snide and unsympathetic remarks (“I got through it, you should be able to, too” – never mind that no, Simon clearly has not “got through it”.)  

Simon’s more committed belief into the “real conductor” narrative suggests he copes with trauma through this belief structure (and also by pouring a deep amount of meaning and vulnerability into a quasi-romantic pursuit of Grace’s heart). Other people who interfere with either of those two things are automatic threats, and ultimately disposable. It explains why when Simon sees the memory of Grace telling Hazel to keep her secret under wraps, to keep it from Simon, he doesn’t see the raw threat of real violence he has become, but the victim of some kind of audacious conspiracy against him, particularly from the person he loves. 

Simon discovers the ability to “see” this memory by returning to Samantha and asking for help (Samantha possesses keener insights and access to the machinations of the train than most denizens). An uneasy, fraught alliance between them occurs when Samantha explains her past actions; while not ideal, at least had a reason. Simon asks her “why” Grace is shutting him out, but it’s remarkable how he literally can’t see–or refuses to see–the obvious: he “wheeled” someone, he terrorizes their new ward, his aggressive behavior, once proudly thrown at the nulls and worlds around him, has turned towards the one person he supposedly cares about. He’s become dangerous, but can’t grasp why people would be scared of him. 

It’s the ultimate in abuser mentality. It was always burgeoning in him: a white, male nerd-type (he is introduced painting figurines and writing a fantasy novel), epitomized in his ability to manipulate his own emotions and then callously kill Tuba. Simon’s surging toxic sense of masculine control builds in a slow-moving trainwreck manner: he’s made vulnerable when he sees his original betrayer (so he thinks), he challenges himself with a unnecessary wager (“I bet I can take Tuba”), faking new found affection for her until the point he can finish her off, and when not provided with the praise he thinks he deserves, believes everyone else is wrong to react this way. Amelia’s presence (the human who once took over the train but now finds herself wandering about to try and “fix” things to make amends), destroys his entire belief structure behind the false and true conductors, specifically, the very point of the numbers. “Numbers are power,” Simon says, ruefully. “Numbers are numbers,” Samantha shoots back, calmly. But to Simon, that can’t be. Simon is humiliated, but Grace is scared. That line about men’s biggest fear is being laughed at and women’s biggest fear is being killed? It feels apt.

Watching Simon become more hostile is difficult, but at the very least, Hazel is able to escape, leaving with Amelia to learn about herself. Grace is clearly hurt, but like with Hazel, Simon doesn’t understand why. And so he gets “grabby,” in the kind of possessive, jaw-dropping, cringey way that signals instant trouble. He snatches and pulls at her arm in one deeply dark moment; in the next episode, he shakes her by grabbing at her shoulders. The following episode, he callously tries to grab at her shoulder again for her attention, and this is the point where Grace swats his hand away and unloads on him. The argument is cut short though when Simon attacks her with her own memories, a sort of specific, literal type of gaslighting that nevertheless Grace manages to overcome (“So my memories are real until you don’t like them, then they’re fake?” Grace shoots at Simon at one point during the memory venture). 

Yet here is where my singular criticism of this season occurs. Grace relives both her distant and recent past and the show portrays Grace’s behavior and actions as personal fears of self-honesty instead of inherited techniques and actions to minimize and avoid Simon’s abusive reactions. Grace is far from infallible: her manipulations were self-serving early on, but she also recognized Simon as a threat at some level, so to portray this as a failing, even a little, feels disingenuous. Simon was kicking and punching at Amelia just one episode earlier, and it was a sound waves shield that protected the viewer from what very much would have been brutal. Grace was protecting all the parties involved to the best of her ability and to the best of her understanding of everything that she learned up until this point.

The final episode does address this, somewhat. Grace returns to Apex HQ a new, honest, introspective person (her number has shrunk considerably). But she finds herself at odds with the entire Apex crew, manipulated by Simon against her. They almost “wheel” her, but the Apex crew is mostly children, so they demure. But Simon confronts Grace with the uncontrolled anger he cultivated all this time. He says the words that all abusers say: “You made me do this,” attempting to force Grace to apologize for doing the very things she needed to do to ensure her and Hazel’s survival. Powerfully, Grace does say that while she made mistakes, the choices she made to lie to Simon to protect Hazel were not among them, and she stands by those, even when directly confronted with Simon at his most dangerous. She also refuses to apologize for Simon’s pain and conflicting emotional/violence state. Those two beats should have hit a bit harder though. This narrative beat emphasized what those moments for Grace really meant, not just for her, but as a broader response to the ways in which abusers justify their abuse.

Simon and Grace fight, and their battle is up-close and personal. Grace bests Simon but still saves him from being wheeled, but in the season’s most shocking moment, he pushes Grace off the train anyway. Grace, miraculously (and somewhat randomly, as it’s not common for random train denizens to leave their train worlds) is saved by a few nulls she helped restore to life; Simon, his number so high that it covers his entire face and body, is killed by a monstrous bug-creature that lives outside the wastelands that surround the train.. Grace, a changed woman whose number is now much lower than where it was when we are first introduced to her, tells her young Apex wards to seek out their own unique, special truths, and work to be better people so they themselves can be free.

Infinity Train’s greatness stems from its ability to open up its characters in the kind of ways that a lot of weighty, rich shows these days can do, like Bojack Horseman and Steven Universe, but it also possesses an inherent flaw that the writers are actually utilizing as a narrative crutch in rich, clever ways. From the question of how its train worlds portray and think of its denizens, to the question of whether the train’s purpose is genuinely beneficial, Infinity Train makes the argument that maybe it’s not. 

One-One, in past seasons, fixates on the humans’ pain, trauma, and problems as algorithms, as numbers that need to be solved. But as the Apex, Simon, and Grace showed, humans are messy, complex beings that can disrupt any premise or belief or narrative to justify their behavior and actions. Simon, prior to his final fight, yells to Grace, “Why would I ever want to change, when I’m always right!?” Trauma, pain, and abuse cannot always be solved with whimsy. One of the last shots of the season has Grace crying over Simon’s body. An Apex member places his hand on her shoulder. Perhaps an honest connection like that is truly what’s needed to be better people.

Infinity Train is available to stream on HBO Max now.

The post Infinity Train and Manifestations of Trauma and Abuse appeared first on Den of Geek.

from Den of Geek https://ift.tt/3gAj7Mz

[221brownstone]

ET: Elementary Boss on Why Sherlock and Joan Deserved a Superhero Ending

"We're certainly hinting that there are adventures ahead, but people who watched the show and cared about Sherlock and Joan can turn off their TVs on Thursday night knowing that the most important story we told, which is the relationship between Sherlock and Joan, is going to continue. That's always going to be moving forward. That's not going to end."

ET: It must be bittersweet saying goodbye to Elementary. What was your approach for the final episode in wrapping up Sherlock and Joan's story?

Rob Doherty: As you recall, we thought season six was our last season and it meant telling a lot of our stories in a certain way. Season seven was an opportunity to know that the end was coming, to go into a season and look ahead and try to build everything piece by piece. We had to talk a lot about the 13th episode before we could talk about the first. We knew that there were elements from canon that we wanted to utilize. Specifically, we looked at two stories in particular, "The Final Problem" and "The Ins and Outs," that we borrowed liberally.

In canon, Sherlock did drop off the map for three years. He was thought to be dead. His Watson was in the dark on that front. That felt too cruel to do to our Watson and it also felt inappropriate. I think she would've known better. We knew we wanted a three-year window where they were separated and changing, making new choices and then bringing them back together so each could do a bit of self-analysis. Who were they apart and who might they be now that they are together again?

It's very clear from the three-year time jump that a lot has changed for both Sherlock and Joan. Joan has a young son, Arthur, now. Why was it important for her to accomplish one of her main goals of having a family?

It was a story that we started in season six and it's a story we would've told a different way if we had known at the time that it was potentially the final season. When it did look like the end for us, that was something that we had to move away from -- not abandon completely, but pin it, for lack of a better term. Season seven was a great opportunity to revisit it and hopefully, punctuate it. It was important a year ago and it was important this year because it just felt so true to who Joan is. Becoming a parent seemed like a very natural progression for her. Despite the dangers that come with her job and despite living with an addict in recovery, we felt she could be an incredible parent. With just 13 episodes in season seven, it didn't feel like something we could start at the top. Odin Reichenbach took up a lot of real estate and so it became, in our eyes, more appropriate to return to Joan after three years and find out she has Arthur in her life in the finale.

It was surprising to learn that Joan had been diagnosed with cancer, something she chose to hide from Sherlock when he returns. Why did you make the decision to have her go through a major health struggle in the final episode?

We've seen their lives in danger on multiple occasions over the course of the series, but more often than not, they are threatened by criminals and villains. Not many of us are stalked by guilds of assassins. I liked telling a story about a real-life threat to one of the partners. We all worry about getting sick or we all worry about a loved one getting sick, and so many people go through it, fight it and come back from it. Sherlock and Joan are, in their own ways, superheroes. It was interesting to put them in a situation where they're dealing with a much more grounded threat.

Joan reluctantly telling Sherlock that she's sick also seemed to be the main catalyst for Sherlock's decision to ultimately stay in New York. Was that actually the case?

Even with three years of separation, I wanted them back together again. I wanted them to ride off into the sunset together. I didn't want fans to come out of the final episode feeling like they thought, "It's good we've been apart. Our lives are better for having been apart." The problem is, for each character, they worry that they're putting the other in a bad position. Joan doesn't want to tell Sherlock's she's sick because it appears to her that his life is going great. And when Sherlock looks at Joan, he sees the same thing. He sees someone who has drive. But, when someone's sick, all of that falls away. No one has to be polite at that point. It brings them both right back down to earth. It clears the decks. Especially for Sherlock, he sees what's really important, understanding that his partner, his greatest friend and virtual family member needs help. It doesn't matter what else is going on in his life. He's going to step away from it to help her.

Sherlock says he relapsed during his time away and that, like Joan, he was secretly struggling. Was it important to highlight that these two were better together?

As far as Sherlock relapsing, we never wanted to suggest that it was because Joan wasn't there. She's not his heroin-proof vest, for lack of a better term. He relapsed when they were together, he relapsed when they were apart. It was more than anything, us being true to the disease of addiction. And yet, I think it was important that it happened because it informed his concerns about staying with Joan. Potentially doing it now that Joan has a child in the house, Sherlock just can't wrap his head around that possibility. He doesn't want to expose her son to any of that baggage that he carries.

Was Sherlock always going to stay, even if Joan wasn't sick?

That's a great question. The short answer is yes, they would have gone their separate ways again if the captain hadn't shared Joan's secret with Sherlock,. Each would have returned to their lives, not because it's what they truly wanted. The way I always looked at it was, they're thinking about each other. Now, Sherlock is about to leave New York because he thinks Joan is better off without him. Joan is going to keep her secret to herself because she doesn't want to disrupt what appears to be success and happiness on his part. Of course, that's not the least bit true and it takes someone who knows them as well as they know themselves to shed appropriate light on the situation, which is, Joan is ill and could use help. Gregson is the one who can look down and see the truth of the situation. Gregson knows each one is not being entirely honest with the other and he knows it's because of good intentions, but also, he knows the veil has to fall away. Sherlock has to know what's going on and he has to make a decision that factors that unfortunate truth in.

You also did another one-year time jump in the finale and I was worried for a second that it was Joan in the casket, so you did your job there. But it's Moriarty's death Sherlock is mourning, even though he believes she's not actually dead. Are you leaving that as a mystery?

I don't have it in me to leave it a mystery. I guarantee you Moriarty's alive. We'll never see it, but Sherlock absolutely goes back and digs up that grave and finds an empty casket. The intention was for that to be the takeaway. My hope was that people would, when they think about all stories we're not going to tell, those stories will include lots of Moriarty. Sherlock and Joan should be going into this future with her as an adversary.

Did you try to get Natalie Dormer back for one last appearance as Moriarty?

As a staff, we talked about it very briefly at the beginning of the season and ultimately, the concern was we would be telling a last story about three people and not two. Nothing is more important, at the end of the day, than Sherlock and Joan's relationship and yet Moriarty carries so much history that in a weird way, it felt like she would distract from the ending Sherlock and Joan really deserve.

Earlier this year, I asked you about Lucy's blonde hair. In the series finale, we see her character, after the one-year time jump, rocking a short black bob of a wig. How much thought did you put in Joan's post-cancer remission look?

I wanted her appearance to speak for itself and remind everyone that she has spent a year fighting cancer, she had experienced hair loss and she fought through it. The wig helps tell that story a little bit. What was amazing to me was how good it looked. Very early in the series, we had Lucy in a wig, when we were showing a flashback to another part of her life and it's one of my great regrets over the course of the series, so I was a little nervous. I was like, "Oh, man, I hope this wig is better." But the team in New York found something perfect.

When did you know you wanted the final image of Elementary to be Sherlock and Joan walking into Captain Bell's office and asking to be consultants again?

The final image is probably something we didn't settle on until we were actually breaking the episode. I don't think it's something I had in my head for a long time, unlike season six where we thought, if this is the end, we wanted to see them walking down the street in London. Knowing this would be a story set in New York, at the brownstone and the 11th precinct, those sets take over. The only real question was which space would be the last one? While I'm extremely partial to the brownstone, the story dictated a final beat at the precinct.

Looking back at the last seven seasons, are there any lingering stories you wish you could have had time to tell or could have told?

One thing I would have liked to have done is seeing more of Moriarty. Over the course of the series there were bigger, more serialized stories we wanted to tell about her, Sherlock and Joan. But we made the grave mistake of hiring an outrageously talented and very in-demand actress for the role. Natalie has had an incredible seven years. Every success had been much deserved and yet, it made it hard for our calendars to jive with hers. We love the character. We love Natalie. Selfishly, it would've been so much fun to have a little more time with her over the course of the series.

Joan becoming a parent was really a story I thought would begin and end in season six. It was something I felt we could serialize in the course of a year; circumstances changed and we had to put it to the side. But one notion I was really intrigued by is the very unique living situation that would have resulted for Sherlock and Joan. It would've been interesting to have a kid in the house for a season, not just to see how good Joan is at being a mom, but to show that Sherlock can do this too. I wanted to see what it would do to the living situation and I thought it would have been fun to see him try to be helpful in his own way. He would have had a lot of plans for Joan's kid.

You talked about how you saw this season as a "blessing." I'm curious if where Bell, Gregson, Joan and Sherlock ultimately end up is where you originally envisioned the characters' final chapters would be when you first started on this journey?

More than anything, I wanted everyone at peace in the end. I'm sure peace could be made that separating Sherlock and Joan would be more dramatic than killing someone off. It might've made a bigger splash. But as we got into it, it just felt right to settle everyone, to show how they've changed and to put them in good places as the series came to a conclusion. We're certainly hinting that there are adventures ahead, but people who watched the show and cared about Sherlock and Joan can turn off their TVs on Thursday night knowing that the most important story we told, which is the relationship between Sherlock and Joan, is going to continue. That's always going to be moving forward. That's not going to end. Creatively, I get it when [showrunners want to shake things up]. Sometimes, it makes all the sense in the world but other times, it just leaves the audience cold and I wanted a happier ending.

At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if 10 years down the line an Elementary revival comes to fruition.

Hey, I'll take it! That sounds great to me.

[therainroguefanfiction]

🎃 Frightful October Act III, #9 ~ Can’t Give Up (Ricky / Changhyun Yoo)

📑 Table of Contents

Genre: Angst, Supernatural, Fluff, Family, AU, Halloween

Word Count: 3,317

Pairing: Reader x Ricky

World: Teen Top

───── ⋆⋅🎃⋅⋆ ─────

“What are we going to do, Damion?”

“I don’t know.”

“The light bill is past due, my insurance is about to relapse. That bitch at work cut my hours again but gave me more work to do. We got our third cable bill in the mail today. The baby is due in a month – one month, but we don’t have anything for him! What are we going to do, Dami – ”

SLAM

“I said I don’t know, Helen!”

You flinched, pressing your back flat against the wall. Your parents were in the kitchen, unaware of your eavesdropping in the hallway.

“There’s nothing I can do!” he screamed, throwing his coffee mug against the wall. It shattered, the pieces falling to the tiled floor below. He limped to the backdoor, slamming it shut behind him.

Helen fell into the kitchen chair, her face in her hands as her body shook with loud sobs. Unable to listen to the sound any longer, you pushed away from the wall and returned to your bedroom. You closed and locked the door behind you before sliding down, your knees pulled tight to your chest.

Things had been tough for your family over the past year. It started to go downhill when your dad was in an accident on the construction site he worked at. Now with a bum leg and chronic back pain, he’s unable to hold down a job. Since then, he’s been struggling with self-hatred because he can no longer provide for his family. He’s become depressed and agitated.

Your mom was working two jobs, but she was recently let go from the first, and her hours had been slowly decreasing at the second. At eight months pregnant, she shouldn’t even be working.

You had tried to hold down a job yourself, but you always got fired. It’s not like you didn’t try – on the contrary, you tried really hard, but your grasp of things was lower than most. You had to be told things many times before you finally grasped it, and you typically forgot the most important things. Your employers were impatient and didn’t want to take the time on you.

The bills were piling up and your family was beginning to fall apart.

“What do I do…” you whispered, tears welling up in your eyes. You felt so helpless.

───── ⋆⋅🎃⋅⋆ ─────

You walked down the street tugging your coat tighter around you to block out the chilly October wind. The bell above the door dinged when you entered the convenience store, heading for the counter.

The clerk gave you a tired smile. “How may I help you?”

“I’d like to put in an application, please.”

“Sure, one second,” he stepped into the back room, returning a moment later with two sheets of paper and a pen.

You nodded your thanks, taking them as you stepped out of the way. You didn’t want to block any customers that might come up while you were filling it out. The first impression you made on your new potential employer would be your handwriting, so you took a deep breath to steady your nerves. The more nervous you were, the shakier your hand would be.

“Did you see the news?”

“About that crazy old guy?”

You glanced over your shoulder at the two employees stocking the fridges with drinks. They were both quite young, probably their first job as high school students. You tried to ignore them, but your curiosity got the better of you.

“When he was arrested, he claimed that a crossroads demon made him do it.” The shorter boy was clearly amused by the news.

The taller boy clearly was not. “Did he murder someone?”

“A woman and her kids! He said he made a deal with a demon. If he killed the woman and her family, he’d be given a mansion to live out the rest of his life in!”

The tall boy scoffed. “And how’d that work out for him?”

“We’ll never know. He was arrested before he could kill her husband.”

‘A… cross-roads demon? Could that really work?’ you had promised yourself that you would do everything within your power to turn your family’s luck around. You would try anything, even making a deal with the devil himself. You quickly filled out the form and handed it to the clerk behind the counter, bolting out the store.

When you got home, you were thankful that neither of your parents was there. You entered your room and booted up the laptop you’ve had since you were a kid. It was old, but it got the job done.

‘If I’m going to try this, the first thing I need to do is research how one summons one of these things,‘ your heart hammered against your chest as you scrolled through page upon page, each adding new information to the one before. There were two things that remained the same among all of them – crossroads, black cat bone, and graveyard dirt.

You sat back in your chair. ‘There isn’t a graveyard within thirty miles of here. I don’t even want to think about what I’d have to do to get the bone of a black cat…’

Your phone buzzed in your pocket – an unknown number. “Hello?”

“Is this Y/N?”

“Yes…”

“I’m the owner of the Bubbymart Convenience store. I just saw your application and I wanted to call and apologize because we aren’t currently hiring. I guess Martin didn’t get that memo.”

Your heart dropped into your stomach. “O-Oh, I see…”

“I’ll keep your application on file for the future. Have a good day.” the line went dead.

You frowned, letting your hand drop to your lap. You had visited fifteen different businesses that day and only two had been hiring – Bubblymart and the local library. You doubted you would be given the job at the library since previous experience was required, and you had none.

The phone buzzed again. This time it was your dad. “Hey, dad, what’s – ”

“Y/N!” He cried out, panic lacing his voice. “Your mother collapsed at work. She’s being rushed to the emergency room, I’m going to meet her there.”

“Wait, I’ll co – ”

“I’m almost there. Just stay inside and keep the doors locked. Keep your phone near you, do you understand?”

“But, da – ”

“Do you understand, Y/N?” he repeated with a firmer voice.

“Y-Yes, I understand.”

He took a shaky breath. “I love you, Y/N.”

“I love you, too…” Tears welled up in your eyes as the line went dead. You sat there for several moments, just staring at the black screen of your phone. “I… I have to do something!”

With your mind made up, you locked up the house and took off down the street, your sneakers slamming against the pavement as you ran. The only crossroads that you knew of was a twenty-minute walk from your house. It was a longshot to begin with, even more so without the ingredients needed to make the summoning work, but you had to at least try.

The sky was getting darker, thunder rumbling overhead. The farther you ran, the darker it got – the late afternoon was beginning to look like nighttime. Rain started to fall, soft at first, but gradually increasing as you got closer to your destination. It was like mother nature was trying to warn you against what you were about to try. Still, you ran, pushing your body to move as fast as it could. Exercise had never been your strong suit and by the time you reached the crossroads, your lungs were burning and there was a stitch in your side.

You took a few deep breaths, mind in overdrive. Now what? You had felt as if you had to come to the crossroads, but now that you were there, you didn’t know what to do.

Your mom’s face flashed in your mind and your hands clenched at your sides. “Hey! Crossroads demon! I know you’re here!” you paused, eyes scanning the area. “You made a deal with an old man recently! You offered him a mansion in exchange for a favor!”

Thunder roared loudly overhead as if angered by your presence. The rain was getting cold, like tiny needles of ice against your skin.

“Please… please!” you screamed, raising your voice to be heard over the pounding of rain on earth. “I’ll do anything! Anything at all! Just please… please make a deal with me!”

Nothing.

“Please…” you cried, tears streaming down your face as you thought about your mother and your unborn baby brother. “Please! Please!” you fell to your knees, water splashing around you from the puddle you had fallen in. Your body was shaking like a leaf.

The phone buzzed in your pocket and you fumbled for it, nearly dropping it on the wet ground. You leaned over, trying to block the rain from hitting your phone. The screen lit up your face. It was a message from your dad.

‘She’s in critical condition. They don’t think she’s going to make it…’

Another message came through.

‘They’re having to perform a C-Section to get the baby out. They don’t know it’s condition.’

Your eyes widened and you screamed, throwing the phone as hard as you could. It slammed against the metal stop sign before falling to the dirt, the screen going dark. Your heart seized painfully in your chest as you crumbled to the ground. With your eyes squeezed tight and the sound of rain invading your ears, you didn’t see or hear the truck that was approaching the crossroads.

The driver was a teenager, high on drugs and not paying attention to the road. He blasted through the stop sign.

You heard his blaring radio through a break in the thunder, but it was too late.

Your world went black.

───── ⋆⋅🎃⋅⋆ ─────

Your brow furrowed in pain as you came to, your eyes fluttering open. A groan passed your lips as you sat up. Your head felt fuzzy, pounding as if you had a hungover.

‘My head is killing me and my chest feels congested,‘ you sniffed, which turned into a sneeze. “A-A-Achoo!” You groaned again, swinging your legs over the side of the bed. You tried to stand but the world began to spin, sending you back down onto the bed.

The doorknob rattled before being pushed open. You sat back on your elbows, expecting to see one of your parents, but it was neither of them. You blinked dumbly, your brain taking a moment to process what was happening. With wide eyes, you scrambled back, falling over the edge of the bed with a squeak.

Your brain finally processed your surroundings, as well. You weren’t in your bedroom as you had previously thought, you were in a motel room.

The man walked around the bed, eyebrow raised. “Don’t push yourself, kiddo.”

You jumped back, slamming into the bedside table. It shook at the force, the lamp tilting back and forth. “W-W-Who are you?!”

“You wouldn’t believe me if I told you,” he responded, putting his hand on his hip. He stood around five-feet-eight, wearing skin-tight jeans and a dark orange shirt tucked into the buckle of his belt. A black jacket was worn over that, along with black boots.

“Try me!”

He brushed his brown bangs away from his eyes, but they just fell back into place. “I’m a crossroads demon.”

Your eyes widened. Memories started to flash through your mind – the money issues, the applications, the messages. ‘The messages…’ “Mom! Is my mom… is she?” you looked up at him, scared of what answer he might give you.

He pursed his lips, but his face didn’t give away anything. “She’s still in the intensive care unit, but she’s alive… for now.”

Tears pricked your eyes but you rushed them away furiously, moving forward to sit on your knees. “Please make a deal with me! I’ll do anything you ask!”

His lips tugged down as he turned around, sitting at the small round table against the wall. “I can’t, you didn’t summon me.”

“So what! You’re here now, just make the deal,” you pleaded, pulling yourself up onto shaking legs. The effort made your head spin but you did your best to ignore it.

“The rules are quite clear. I can not make a deal with someone that didn’t summon me. Such a thing is only allowed by higher-ranking demons.”

“Are you kidding me? You’re a damn demon, demons don’t have rules!”

He narrowed his chocolate-colored eyes at you and a chill went down your spine. “Which just goes to show just how little humans really know.”

“If you aren’t going to help, then why are you here?” you felt defeated and hopeless as you fell onto the side of the bed, your face in your hands.

He didn’t answer the question. “You almost died, you know. You’re not a very smart human, are you?”

“The hell are you talking abo – ” your words died off as another memory floated to the surface of your mind.

You remember hearing music – a loud and obnoxious country song. You remember looking over your shoulder and seeing headlights piercing the darkness as a truck barreled toward you. You remember seeing a black blur before the truck took flight, barely missing your body as it flipped over. You remember a face turning to look at you, the face… of a demon.

“You… saved me?”

He shifted in his seat, picking off lint from his jeans.

“Why did you save me?” you demanded, standing up and taking a few hesitant steps toward him. “You… you should have just let me die.”

He looked at you in surprise.

“If I die… my parents, they will get my life insurance money. I-It’s not much but… but it’s enough to help!”

He pushed himself out of the chair. “Don’t be stupid.”

You stepped back away from him, your legs giving out. Your body hit the ground and you brought your knees to your chest, body shaking with silent sobs.

He watched you for a few moments, chewing on his bottom lip thoughtfully. “Fine, I’ll make a deal with you.”

Your head slowly rose, tears sliding down your cheeks. “R-Really?”

He kneeled down before you, his expression soft. “What is it your heart desires, Y/N?”

You didn’t hesitate. “Save my mom and my baby brother!”

He nodded. “I will save the life of your mother and brother. In ten year’s time, I will come for you. If you do anything to try and end your life prematurely or break this deal, your family will suffer in your place. Do you understand and agree to these terms?”

“Yes,” you sniffled, rubbing the snot from your nose with the sleeve of your sweater. “I understand!”

He took your chin between his fingers, eyes locking with your own. Your breath caught in your throat, heart thudding loudly in your ears. He closed the distance between you, his lips claiming your own. Your eyes widened as blood rushed to your face.

‘W-W-Why is he kissing me?!’

He slowly pulled back, slipping his hand over your eyes.

“W-Wait a minute!” you had no clue what was about to happen, but you felt as if you would never see this man again. “Your name… what is your name?”

He was silent for a moment, his mouth next to your ear. “Ricky.”

“Ricky,” you echoed, tasting his name on your tongue. “Thank you.”

Your world went black once more.

───── ⋆⋅🎃⋅⋆ ─────

The sound of car tires on gravel jolted you awake.

You blinked a few times, forcing yourself into a sitting position as you took in your surroundings. You were back in your dark room. ‘Was that… just a dream?’ you brought your fingers to your lips, feeling them tingle.

A car door slammed.

You slid off the bed, peaking out the window that overlooked the front of the house. It was too dark outside to make out the person’s face, but you recognized the way he limped toward the house. ‘Dad!’

You flew out of your room and down the hall, swinging the door open just as he was about to stick the key into the lock. You threw your arms around his middle, clutching him like your life depended on it.

His worried expression morphed to one of relief as he wrapped his arms around you. “Where the hell have you been? Do you know how many times I called you? It’s been hours without a word from you!”

“M-My phone, it… stopped working,” you mumbled.

He sighed deeply. “I’m just glad you’re okay.”

You pulled back to stare up at his face. “Mom… is she?”

He smiled tiredly, resting his hand on your head and ruffling your hair. “It was touch and go for a while, but she’s currently stable. You must’ve been so worried. I’m sorry I left you here alone.”

“I-It’s okay,” you sniffled, holding back your tears. “I’m just glad she’s okay. And… my brother?”

“Delivered early, a perfectly healthy baby boy,” he smiled, proudly. “Now come on, your mother wants to see you.”

“She’s awake?”

He nodded, ushering you outside before locked the door. “She was in critical condition for a while, the doctors didn’t have much hope, but then she suddenly stabilized. An hour later, she was awake. Barely, but awake and talking,” he climbed into the car and you did the same. “Put your seatbelt on,” he started the car, backing out of the driveway. “The doctors can’t explain it. They said it was a miracle.”

Your hands clenched around your jeans.

“When she woke up, the first thing she said was, ‘Is the baby okay?’ The second thing she said was, ‘Is Y/N okay?’” He shook his head with a smile. “Typical Helen. She almost dies and her only concern is her children.”

You rubbed the fresh tears from your eyes.

When you arrived at the emergency room, he led you back towards the ICU, showing off his visitor’s badge to the guard that watched the door. Your mom was in room 118, sitting up in the bed and cradling her baby.

“Mom…” you couldn’t hold back your tears any longer and you rushed over, throwing your arms around her neck, careful not to hurt her or the baby.

She smiled, using her free arm to comfort you. “There, there, darling. Mama is okay.” She pressed a kiss to your forehead before doing the same to your baby brother. She exchanged a smile with her husband, who watched on with a warm heart. “Everything is okay now.”

And it was.

Your mom was cleared to leave the hospital a week later, bringing your new sibling, Sebastian, with her. The day she returned home, you received a package in the mail, claiming to be from your great-great-uncle twice removed, who had recently died and left his fortune to you and your family. With that money, your parents were able to catch up on all of the bills and buy all of the things they needed for the new baby.

───── ⋆⋅🎃⋅⋆ ─────

You sat on the porch, watching your mom as she sat in the rocking chair, softly humming as she rocked Sebastian in her arms. A year had passed since the day you almost lost both of them. It was October again, the cool breeze knocking leaves from the trees until they were bare.

You watched them dance towards the earth and smiled. “I’ll see you again someday… Ricky.”

“Did you say something, Y/N?”

“No, nothing, mom.”

“Let’s get inside, it’s getting quite cold.”

You nodded, standing up and following her. You paused at the door, feeling like you were being watched. You scanned the orange landscape but found nothing. With a shrug, you entered the house, closing the door behind you.

Rocky stepped out from behind a large oak tree across the street, looking at the house with a small smile. “I look forward to that day… Y/N.”

───── ⋆⋅🎃⋅⋆ ─────

[actuallylorelaigilmore]

rewatching one day at a time s3

or how i looked beyond the surface and found hope

so i watched the new season all at once, right after it arrived on netflix, and i was really confused by the way the show’s text seemed to be trying to take penelope and schneider from bffs with a hint of future romantic potential to bffs who are practically siblings...while simultaneously creating the most blatant subtext and romantic parallels. it made me feel crazy, like i couldn’t tell how much was my alvareider-shipping heart projecting, or how much was sheer coincidence when it shouldn’t be possible for one season to have so. many. coincidences. 

for the record, a lot of this endless essay has already been mentioned by other awesome people. i just needed to piece it all together and dive into the details myself, now that i’m watching it for the second time and rethinking everything. 

or specifically, three things: the sibling emphasis, the parallels, and the body language. 

1.

that ‘schneider’s part of the family now and so he and penelope are related’ emphasis that freaked me out? it comes from three moments, and all of those originate from schneider. he refers to penelope as his ‘much older sister’ when he’s having an emotional moment with leslie and joking his way through it, he refers to lydia as their shared mom when he defends her to penelope after lydia teaches him to cook, and he calls penelope ‘sis’ when he’s sending her soothing text messages. 

in the first instance, penelope’s not there to have an opinion, and there’s no real reason for schneider to have even brought her up in the conversation about him and leslie. either he has her in his head even when she’s not around, he’s feeling especially defensive about her place in his life, or both. you could easily make the case that he’s protesting too much, that he’s slotted her into the sibling space in his head and is fighting the fact that she’s not staying where he put her, as though mentioning it randomly to other people will make it true. 

and in the second instance, penelope is there, and she doesn’t agree with him. in fact she’s annoyed at lydia treating him like a son. s3 involves a lot of tension when it comes to penelope and schneider’s place in her family, for that matter--more than in s2. in the s2 opening, elena reminds schneider that he’s not part of their family, and he protests her ‘joke’ as though it’s a given that he is. in 3x03, schneider refers to himself as a DILF, and it’s penelope who argues that he’s not a dad. he doesn’t protest at all, even though he’s the one who clearly thinks of himself that way or he wouldn’t have said it. instead, in response to her additional jab that he’s also not sexworthy, he replies immediately that he understands and will help her get the guy she does like. 

a few episodes later, schneider tells alex that penelope is increasingly relying on him as a ‘co-parent,’ making it clear that he either believes that is his role, despite what penelope says...or that he just really wishes it were true instead of her keeping him at a distance. after all, he fills in with her kids in a parental role a lot, and nobody ever has any sort of protest about what it means except her (and their absentee father). 

in the third instance he’s talking privately to penelope, and in the aftermath of a panic attack she’s got other things to care about so she doesn’t react to that at all. but her lack of reaction makes it seem like he may have called her ‘sis’ before, probably a lot in their frequent messaging, and the fact that he’s doing it via text makes it seem way more likely that he’s using it as slang, not acting his age. which is to say that there’s a really high probability that he means it in a close friend way rather than literally.

because this season is nothing but ups and downs, from friends who are family to a growing distance again, after that is when the worst moment between them in canon so far hits. during the condo argument, penelope doesn’t just insult him personally, like she did in s2 when she was off her meds. before kicking him out, the first time she ever has out of anger, penelope tells him that no matter how hard he tries to be part of her family, he still isn’t. that he can’t be, not really. unlike in s2, when he holds his feelings back and retreats voluntarily, during this fight schneider tries to argue. he pushes back, visibly upset, but leaves when she insists. once again, penelope’s the only alvarez who feels the need to set him apart from being a full member of her family in s3. alex and lydia openly adopt him, and even elena tells him she loves him, that they all do, after he relapses.

the interesting contrast between penelope and schneider is that never, not even when they’re clearly closer in s3, does penelope say anything remotely similar to ‘schneider’s like my brother!’ on the contrary, penelope’s the only one of the two of them who’s admitted that there’s attraction between them. 

schneider offered to have sex with her early on, because for him casual sex fell within the boundaries of what’s allowed between friends. and while he compliments her often, it’s always in a very matter of fact, not suggestive way. he sees her as gorgeous and sexy and talented and nurturing and assumes she knows those things are true, too, so he can mention them to her without penelope thinking he’s hitting on her. he also maintains the boundaries between them faithfully, physically affectionate with her but always following her lead, taking it slow with hugs or letting her reach out first.

it’s schneider who emphasizes the way that penelope is family to him, because her whole family is family to him...and he worked hard to make that true. it’s the most important thing in his life. never is that clearer than in s3, when he tells lydia that being accepted by them makes him even prouder than his sobriety. and conversely, when he thinks he’s losing them, because penelope kicks him out and swears he can never really belong, that’s when it seems he has his first drink in eight years. being a part of penelope’s family is so important to him that risking it is a bigger stressor than even his father; it’s no wonder he has to see penelope as family first and as far from romantically or sexually available as possible. by s3 he’s too invested to be open to anything else.

2. 

the parallels in s3 start early. both penelope and schneider embark on tentative new relationships in 3x03 with people who are a lot like them. while penelope’s hesitant to date mateo until he shows his strength, schneider falls before even finding out how similar to him avery truly is. imo the similarities are the point, and they both need to learn things from their s3 relationships that they never have before. 

penelope’s two previous big relationships ended over irreconcilable differences: victor wasn’t safe and max had different dreams. in mateo, she finds someone she’s got a lot in common with, all the same values, and no major breaking points. but even though that’s so different from her last two almost-happy endings, it’s not enough. she tries to talk herself into being attracted to and caring about him, but their friendship is really all that’s there.

schneider has actually never had a big relationship before: he had a toxic, sporadic affair with nikki that he kept falling into, but nothing serious and involving real effort. avery came along, uncomplicated and from his world and they clicked, and it was new for him. the fact that he couldn’t bounce back when it ended makes sense--she was his first loving, reciprocated relationship. the fact that he wanted nothing but to make it work when they got a second chance also makes sense, and is a good thing...it was absolutely his time to learn how to make a relationship work and to realize he’s worth loving. but because they don’t have that trusting foundation and possibly because avery’s background was as pampered as his, they broke really easily under the strain of his relapse, and i’m not sure that bodes well for them the next time things get rough. 

the truth is, schneider’s right when he tells penelope that she’s the only one who ever completely trusted him while knowing exactly who he is. that’s why she’s the one who stays when he starts drinking again, and insists on being there through his recovery. penelope promises him she’s not going anywhere, because their history and foundation can survive more. when you remember her history with victor, and the way she pushed him away when it became clear that he wasn’t sober, it’s even more powerful that she’s firm with schneider but never considers trying to banish him from her life or her family. she trusts that he will try again, unlike her own husband. she pulls him closer, literally, instead.

and of course, it’s not just their new significant others that bring sharp parallels in s3: it’s other people’s partners too! and their own relatives! and their friends!

bringing victor back doesn’t just give elena the closure she needs and deserves; it also offers up two of the most important moments that seem to be pointing giant neon arrows at foreshadowing for alvareider. first, nicole tells a jealous penelope about how she knows victor is the one for her...and it makes penelope realize that she doesn’t wish victor were with her--she just wishes that mateo were that guy in her own life. but he isn’t, and she goes to dump him, and it’s hard to ignore the fact that every attribute in nicole’s speech exists in the way has schneider treated penelope for the last three years.

additionally, alex toasts victor at his wedding with a speech that could easily apply to schneider after he relapses, talking about how he found love as a result of getting his life back together. in a season that so heavily focuses on schneider’s journey, it’s impossible not to want the same for him.

when schneider faces his father for the last time and finally stands up to him, performing the same kind of toughness that penelope needed to see in mateo before she could consider him more than a friend...her reaction is even more intense than it was with mateo. she’s amazed and happy for him and really excited. she’s so stunned she doesn’t even notice that he’s not quite himself.

after penelope realizes he is in fact drinking again, her first attempt to get through to him doesn’t work and he escapes his own apartment. but it’s telling that when he starts to get defensive and upset, she explains by saying she ‘went through this with victor.’ no qualifiers, no acknowledgement that it was different dealing with victor because that was her husband and schneider’s just a guy she’s friends with. instead, a simple comparison between watching the father of her children, the man she loved, struggle and get worse and then seeing it happen to schneider.

and in the most obvious, pointed parallel of them all, when penelope is still dating mateo and discussing her anxiety in her support group, pam points out that she doesn’t seem to lean on mateo when she needs help with it. her immediate response to that is that when she does lean on anyone, it’s schneider. 

3.

there’s a lot more physical contact between penelope and schneider this season. just, so much more. and even more importantly, the nature of it is different.

their first hug happens early on, when penelope is worried about alex and schneider reassures her. he hugs her from the side, and it’s pretty identical to the times when he did in s2: just his arm around her, close but not too close, friendly and sweet. 

their second hug is in response to one of her anxiety attacks, after he helps calm her down. he hugs her like always, but then penelope turns her face further into his chest and reaches out for him. she reaches her hand out to his free arm, hesitates, then makes contact and holds on, while he wraps that hand around her in return, holding her tighter. it’s the first time we’ve seen her cross that tiny but distinctive line, compared to their s2 hug when she admits he’s her best friend...in that scene she reaches across him similarly, as though she wants to grip onto his shirt while he’s hugging her, but she stops herself and pulls back. 

after the worst fight they’ve ever had in their relationship so far? penelope reassures him that they’ll be okay, and then reaches for his hand while she tells him she likes him just as he is. schneider goes from letting her hand curl around his to gripping back in the next shot, just...holding hands with her while she’s nicer to him than she’s ever been in three years. and then he doesn’t just hug her. they hug each other, turning inwards for a full hug rather than the arm-around-her-shoulder that was schneider’s default the year before. they’re holding on to each other when schneider’s father comes out, and schneider keeps his hand on her shoulder for a moment even after they let go. 

once his father leaves, she thanks him emotionally for the choice he made, and dives into another hug. standing up, it’s them hugging each other again, chest to chest the way they never were in s2 even during lydia’s coma.

and once schneider’s drinking has come out and penelope has confronted him without anyone else around, where she can be painfully honest and so can he...she rubs his back and then keeps her hand there; she strokes the nape of his neck and then holds on; she shifts when he leans into her for a hug so that he can rest against her fully, and she keeps him there. it’s the first time we see penelope offering schneider support and comfort that way (and it’s exactly what i’ve wanted since s2 when he continued to do so for her all the time). 

off the top of my currently sleep-deprived brain, i remember two hugs between them in s1, if you include the whole family on the dance floor--which i do because of the way schneider rests his cheek against penelope’s head. and there are three between them in s2, two that happen in the same “hello penelope” scene. 

so even before you add in the handholding and back and neck rubbing things that never happened before, s3 has more physical affection between penelope and schneider than the previous two combined. 

either they’ve become super hands-on platonic friends since the previous year without feeling the need to address it, the actors are so comfortable with each other that they brought that into their roles more than was intended and the showrunners for some reason just went with it...or all those small monumental acting choices are meant to add up and continue deepening their relationship in ways that could lead somewhere else someday. 

in that light, it’s really not any crazier to think the show’s heading toward romance than it is to insist that actually the past two seasons were never meant to pack such a punch and they’re just like siblings now. since the mixed signals don’t make much sense in s3 for a show that’s usually so carefully crafted, i choose to believe they know what they’re doing...and if that’s true, then all the parallels and intense intimacy and more complex interactions around schneider being family are there on purpose.

tl;dr penelope and schneider are soulmates and if odaat is determined to make sure that’s not true the show itself can fight me because i’m right

[fallout4holmes]

Journal 56

We decided to head for Jamaica Plain, planning to reach it late in the evening to rest and move north from there. The party was quiet as we walked for most of the way. Cait was in a state of awe at the sensations assaulting her senses at first, unhindered by a haze of chems and/or withdrawal for the first time in years, but she adapted quickly. Eventually, her curiosity caught up to her.

“Holmes? I’ve got a… personal question.”

“Yes?”

“When you showed me your arm, back when ye tried to get me to go clean? I was wonderin’ what the chem was. I mean, you’re supposed to be pre-War, yeah? Can’t imagine a family man shootin’ up with psycho everyday.”

“I’ve tried a variety of substances, but I never had any desire to take anything that might make me exceedingly violent. And I didn’t become ‘a family man’ until much later.”

“Betcha were the type to eat mentats like candy.”

“Ha! Guilty as charged.”

“So, what’re the scars from, then?”

I sighed, “In my young and rebellious days it was a simple cocaine solution. As prescription drugs became easier to obtain with a variety of useful effects, I took to using Calmex, among others.”

She whistled low, “I heard of that stuff. Why?”

“It kept me from going insane, or so I told myself. Kept my mind from running itself ragged, the constant need for stimulation, kept black moods at bay.”

“Hell, a bottle of whiskey not enough?”

I smiled, “Depressants have their place, but stimulants were more… satisfying.” I noticed Valentine had changed his pace to match mine, walking close but trying not to hover. I reached for his hand. “Addiction nearly cost me my career, and my life. It took the efforts of my very determined and compassionate wife to clean me up,” my hand tightened around Valentine’s, “and my equally compassionate partner after my relapse two hundred years later.”

Cait thought about this for a moment. “Lucky guy.”

“Extremely,” I nodded. "I'm glad you were lucky enough to have Hancock and Piper looking out for you."

She scoffed, blushing. "Hancock was lookin' after an investment," she muttered.

"You don't truly believe that."

She shrugged, "Don't see any other reason he'd help."

"One way to find out," Valentine said.

Cait made a noncommittal noise, and the subject was closed.

We reached Jamaica Plain well after sunset, and were met by a Minuteman on guard. "Evening," he said, casting a confused look across our odd group. "What brings you to Jamaica Plain?"

"Tracking down the Mechanist." I held out a hand, "General Holmes. I haven't had the pleasure?"

"Name's Stills… General?" He was surprised, and a bit skeptical.

"Don't your own fuckin' soldiers know you?" Cait teased.

"I haven't met every single Minuteman," I sighed, "especially most of the 'old guard' who have returned."

"Ignore the Silver Shroud costume," Valentine drawled with a chuckle. "The Lockheeds still in residence?"

"Jane and Joan?" Stills asked, still wondering if I was truly who I said I was, "They're still here. Are you Nick Valentine?"

"In the synthetic flesh. Have we met?"

"No, but the Lockheeds mentioned you, and my patrolmates said…" his attention returned to me, dread in his voice, "oh hell you really are, aren't you?"

I laughed, "I am. Don't worry, it's my own fault for not being more present among the Minutemen. It seems Jamaica Plain is thriving, even after that Gunner attack a month ago?"

"Bounced back real quick, sir," Stills nodded. "Wainwright and her crew at the checkpoint were a huge help."

"Were you and your, ah, patrolmates sent from the Castle?"

"Yessir. Nash, Crosby, and I were sent down after the Gunner attack to help, and then stayed on as a guard against killer robots and potential Brotherhood conflict."

"I see. I've met Nash and Crosby, they're Danse trainees."

"Yes, sir," Stills smiled, "a fine pair. The Lt. Colonel can sure train 'em. We've some spare rooms you and your friends can use toward the center of the settlement."

We thanked him and found a place to stay for the night. Ada volunteered to assist with guard duties, as did Valentine. I was delighted to see Jane and Joan Lockheed both in good health, and Jane instantly engaged Cait in conversation regarding preferred methods of killing Gunners. Joan confided that Jane has been a bit on edge after her injuries during the Gunner attack. Cait was happy to compare techniques.

I sat outside by a low fire with my pipe as the night grew dark, Radio Freedom playing softly from within the house.

I felt a thin hand on my shoulder, "Might want to put some more fuel on that fire if you're planning on staying out here," Valentine said.

I reached up to lace my fingers in his, “I’ll come in, soon.”

“Good, wouldn’t want you to freeze. Might wake up another couple centuries later.”

“What a terrifying thought,” I scoffed. “Would you be waiting?”

“Well past my warranty,” he chuckled, and bent down to lightly kiss the side of my face, “but if I was still around, I’d be the first thing you saw when you woke up.”

I smiled, “My dear Valentine, you are the one fixed point in a changing age.”

“Hm. Are you saying I'm stubborn, or just too damn old?”

“I was praising your constancy of character.”

He was amused, “I'll take your word for it. What’s got you in a meditative mood tonight?”

I drew deeply on my pipe, savoring the sensation before watching the smoke on the chill air as I considered my answer. "There's still so much I haven't prepared for, Nick. So many possibilities I know I haven't considered. I feel like I have run out of time and I've only just begun."

"Despite what you seem to think," he said softly, "you’re only human. No one expects you to pull off a miracle, Sherlock, except maybe yourself. And I think you'll be pleasantly surprised by the people fighting in your corner."

I sighed, and nodded. He was right. I didn't like it, but I knew he was right. "My wife often said the same thing," I muttered. "'There are limits, even for you, Holmes.'"

"The more I hear about this woman, the more I like her."

I smiled, "You would have adored each other."

As I stood with a stretch, the Voice of the Minutemen came over the radio.

 "Good evening. This is Radio Freedom, the Voice of the Minutemen. We have just received word that Mechanist robots attacked County Crossing, but were defeated by Minutemen forces, with the help of the mercenary friendly to the cause, Mr. MacCready. Mechanist robots have also attacked Mass Fusion repeatedly, according to sources in Goodneighbor, but were defeated each time. A few robots made it to Goodneighbor's door, but we're taken down by Mayor Hancock's Neighborhood Watch. In other news, vertibird patrols continue—"

Valentine stepped inside to turn off the radio. "If we're going to get all the way to Goodneighbor tomorrow, then one of us needs a night of rest without worrying about vertibird air patterns," he said from the doorway.

I tried not to be annoyed. "Valentine, I recognize your intent, but please trust me. I will rest at some point, but I can't right now. I would love nothing more than to sit on a nest of pillows smoking all night in thought and meet tomorrow settled in mind."

He considered me a long moment. "You'd do that on a tough case, huh?"

"Particularly challenging matters were 'three pipe problems.'"

He smirked at that, but returned his thoughtful gaze. "Alright. Just do me a favor and get in here? Too damn cold out tonight, and we don't have any pillows."

I laughed a little in spite of myself, some small relief at his reaction as I joined him, "I'll make do without pillows."

"If you say so." He lit a cigarette, but it was more an action to fill time than any need, "Holmes, if I get too, uh… overbearing, let me know."

I was surprised. "I'd hardly call you overbearing."

"You know what I mean. Everything happening lately… I'm worried about you, that you're pushing yourself too hard and being too hard on yourself. But I also know you need space and your usual methods of staying sane don't always look like everyone else's. I'm not gonna stop worrying and trying to look out for you, but I don't want to lecture you on what you already know works best for you, either."

I was stunned, my answer quiet, "I'll do my best to listen, and to try to explain what I need. Thank you, Nick."

He shrugged, "Well, I'll try my best not to assume you're being a drama queen."

I rolled my eyes as we went inside, "Honestly."

"You're right, that's too much. I'll just keep telling myself you aren't going to freeze to death."

"... Are you implying the idea I might not be dramatic is ridiculous?"

"Said the man in a Shroud costume?"

"You are infuriating, Mr. Valentine."

"And yet you love me, Mr. Holmes."

I did not respond apart from a huff and holding his hand through the night. He laughed, and stayed by my side, content to let me spend the night in quiet thought and eventual deeper rest.