#and all for less than 15 an hour
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I have had so many migraines in the last 3 months I would very much like it to stop, at this point I am being fueled by excedrin and sheer determination
#im pretty sure this is because im using a computer far more frequently since the department merger at my job#so its like i cant win for losing at this point#either i stand for 8 hours and severely aggravate my back (scoliosis and herniated disks)#or i sit in fromt of a computer and yearn for my head to go ahead and explode instead of only threatening to do so#im exhausted#and all for less than 15 an hour#shai talks
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oh no the foreshadowing 💀
#qsmp#fitmc#oibagi#qsmp clips#literally like 15 minutes before the workers showed up. less than an hour before empanada lost her life in front of them.#bagi was feeling she was starting to understand and now she Gets It. the good and the bad. all of it.#just saying a scene like this in a scripted series would so be the biggest death flag i've ever seen#a nice day on the beach. a casual activity with family. verbally expressing how you've come to care for the kids. 💀
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🏴☠️
#just emailed my bosses to go F themselves letss gGGOOOOOO#not really but my sup. send a message this moring with italics and red font 🙄#vaguing about how my 'team' needs to be present for specific hours regardless of appts#🤔 but all the other campuses are free to leave when no appts 🤔#and i get no raise for this mandatory change becuz 'its in my contract'#uhhhh not the one i signed ho if the one you updated 10 times since then says that not my issue#i said 'k my new hours are 8-3 effective immediately 💘'#they took all day to send me the 'youre not allowed to work from home' email so lets see how long this response takes#my reply was fired off less than 15 mins later 🫡 test me#vent post#sfs
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Would yall be mad at me if I raised my prices for my commissions ....... would you kill me with stones.
#im currently reworking my coms to be ready to go in may#and all my friends are telling me my prices are extremely low .. which is true but i dont like it#tai talks#i really want to be able to have options for everyone especially because times are tough atm for a lot of people !#but i also have to admit that im doing 6+ hours of work usually for $20 :-(#they wont be more than $15 extra than they normally are. i will price extremely fairly for the quality of my art!#im also going to be adding a few more options that are less expensive
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#personal#it feels like im not allowed to complain about my own life on my own blog#or at least that if im allowed to that it seems very firstworld problem very selfish very not appropriate with all thats going on#that people will and do think less of me for expressing my own sadness and frustrations because theres no way it compares#to a lot of peoples very big and very real problems#but im so fucking sick of being poor and small. all ive had to eat today is 2min noodles roughly 10 hours ago#and all ill get tomorrow is a bowl of 2min noodles but ittl be another 15 or so hours until its the most reasonable to eat that#thats the real girlmath and then thats the last of my noodles. that leaves me with one (1) small tin of tuna#which might end up being tonights intermediary food if i really cant wait 15 nore hours for my next noodles but is supposed to be#the one meal of the day after tomorrow. so if i eat it too soon then i have even more time that i just dont fucking eat#im so sick to death of being in this position. like its literally killing me and theres fuck all i can do to make it better#ive tried. and i try and i try and i try but i can never afford anything#my landagent keeps sending me textx asking when theyll see a patment for my $50 water bill#i have to stop myself from texting back every time. youll see payment when im not spending literally 75% of my pay on rent alone#when i can afford to buy food and bills at the same time. whn i dont feel like kms-ing would be better than paying you my rent every frtnite#i crave a burger so bad i cant make myself do any tasks. i cant start or continue any crafts or chores because all im thinking about#is a burger like a blorbo rotating in my mind alongside the background noise that i wont get a burger and will only get noodles but not for#hours. a whole days worth of hours almost#my shitawful roomate is back and i have to play nice but he gives me the same feelings my abusive mother did. im scared to leave my room#in the safeplace house ive spent the last two years building for myself. this feels awful. things were all going so right and now#all of a sudden theyre all going as wrong as possible and im struggling so much. with no one to help. no one cares enough to help#the few people i do have are wrapped up in their own lives. which i get. but it doesnt take away the hurt of dealing with it all alone again#lot of momma trauma coming up with the end of eclipse season and i thought i was handling it. now i just feel fucking awful all the time#like ik healing isnt linear but the roomate triggers so hard things i thought i had processed and was on top of#would a burger fix that? no but itd atleast give me something to emotionally lean on for strength though it. but all ive got is noodles#24 hour apart one meal per day noodles. and tomorrow is my last pack. my only solace lately is that ive been invited to my first ever rave#or my first real rave anyway ive only been to one other 'edm event' that was not really a rave of any scale it was like 25 people#but its a halloween rave so im hoping for spooky fun dancetimes at least theres that. im out of data and spotifyprem so i havent been able#to take my silly little mental health walks bc theres zero chance im doing that without music and so itll be noce to get outside fr the rave#anyway. im doing very poorly i appreciate you few who reached out while i wasnt active but i expect ill continue to do poorly for some time
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aaagh. i try not to worry so much about money and whatnot because its my number one anxiety and im sooo happy i have my job because its really easy and also tennis themed but they are NOT giving me a lot of hours. i wanted to work full time (or at least like 30 hours a week) this summer because i didnt work all school year and i really really need cash for university. some back of napkin calculations tell me id make an extra ~1.5k if i was working back at my minimum wage job this summer. and i would be doing two jobs if i could but my hours at the tennis club are not consistent (like, it’s not as if i work every thursday or whatever, i just work whenever and i cant schedule around it) so i couldn’t plan my second job around it. and i know i could be firm and tell each place i can work xyz days but i hate doing thattttt. someone give me ten thousand canadian dollars please ! okay complaining over
#like yeah my pay is higher at the tennis club but it does not balance out the lack of hours#im not working at all this week#and the next few weeks i have more hours because one guy is going on vacation#but i know that when he comes back im back down to like. 15 hours a week#I NEED MORE THAN THAT!!#the issue with the club is that they hired too many damn people#weekdays theres only one shift a day and weekends theres two shifts a day#and they have like. five people for this#and im glad they hired me but fuck they really should not have#it’s technically okay i have a good amount of savings from my old job and i can get a new job in university#but i just wish i could work more now and worry less during the school year#ugh i wish it wasnt so hard for me to have found a job i wish i had worked during this school year#anyways. no sense grieving the life unlived. no changing the past. onwards and upwards everyone#but in said onwards and upwards. do i get a second job? help meeee
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Bastille is killing me
#you can't just release music and announce shows like this#i don't have the money or time#please im begging you#(like obviously im gonna try to get a ticket and of course i pre ordered the album to get access to the pre-sale#but. there will be consequences.)#(i mostly was like 'ah i still have 15 vacation days left for this year it won't be a problem to get time off :))#until i remembered that i might miss classes if i choose to not drop out of university after all#which will be uncomfortable because ill already be away for two days for a concert the end of october#and if i get a bastille ticket ill be away again less than 3 weeks later which may very well be two sessions in a row#because i think the thesis seminars are sometimes only every 2-3 weeks (but 4-5 hours) instead of weekly#so if i stay in uni it will be unpleasant to communicate my absence to whoever will be my lecturer then.#but that shouldn't actually bother me. i think I'll drop out anyway so what am i even worrying about)#but yeah#i love this album so much already#and if i don't get a ticket i will be inconsolable#bastille
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shoutout to antibiotics for existing. holy shit I love being able to not die of stuff that would have killed someone just over a century ago
#personal#thoughts#🍬 post#posts made on pain meds#would the infection have killed us if left untreated? who fucking knows! but it was definitely worse than I realised#my face still hurts but I feel significantly better than I did and holy shit I hadn't realised just how swollen it actually was#our gums are actually a relatively normal shape again and the pain is just around the tooth#and not spreading down our neck and around the side of our head like it was before#like it was this sharp electric shock pain going all the way down to our shoulder#I feel a lot less sick now and I am still shaky but I think that's more from overexertion than from the infection#but I think now that it's clearing up I'm starting to process how bad that actually was#also holy shit I've slept so much#we've slept for 15 of the last 24 hours and that wasn't all at once. we've been awake in relatively short bursts#and it's been very disorienting and meant we haven't really done anything and it feels kinda shit#but I guess our body needed the rest?
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if you have no idea what im talking about, these are the intros im referencing!! i still have several lined up for posting (namely the main antag and the eternal three) and a Very Long List of other intros to eventually do for the series, but i want to know what y'all would like to see once the current backlog is posted!!
#braindumps.txt#poll#i ask because the intros are like. clearly not doing so well as art on their own#which i get - theres a lot of reading for some of them#i honestly might go back and add readmores after the basics sections so theyre less Chunky for the average reader#but i worked hard on the art (and still am) so id like to find a way to share it without the attached stuff#or some way to set it up so that more people can see and appreciate it#idk i dont usually get in the weeds about notes or feedback i just. idk man i spent 15 hours on lakias portrait and more people voted#for her to be posted first than even acknowledged her at all. so#(ive also just in general been having a rough time the last few days so who knows maybe ill delete this and all the tags later)
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Took twice the max dose of melatonin before the final revision for tomorrow’s exam, I’m shitting my pants and I genuinely don’t know anything as thoroughly as I should but if I sleep less than 4 hrs before it I just know I’m gonna do even worse somehow
#don’t take twice the max dose of anything btw#genuinely don’t do the shit that I do#i only did it bc I know my limits and haven’t had any other substances in over 24 hrs but don’t ever try it#always talk to your gp before taking any meds and supplements at all#anyway psa aside#I want to revise for two hrs so until 1.30am circa but I genuinely hope I pass out sometime in the next hours and a half#godspeed ig#uni#melatonin#I have super high expectations but I genuinely prepared this exam in like 4 days and my brain has been all over the place#haven’t had the chance (economic too so please please consider sparing a couple of bucks for my ko-fi?) to meet my therapist in 2 weeks#been super suicidal super busy dealing with stuff and people and my family and uni and ah oh how I wish I had a brain able to focus#also the ‘visions of horror’ as I call them have lowkey turned into auditory hallucinations that never stop and it’s… tough#genuinely so tired of everything in general#I’d promised to hang with my uni friends after the exam bc I should be done my midday tops but I know im gonna be super sad and underwhelme#so I hope I can be at home by 4 pm tops with one excuse or the other#I love them all so much but I need a break. also bc I got another exam in less than a fucking week and I still haven’t started studying for#it because it’s objectively easier than tomorrow’s and because when was I supposed to study for it#I spent 3 good days working on a paper that isn’t even mine for a subject I don’t even take#a favor for a friend which turned into 3 more friends asking me if I could help them with theirs#and you know me#I never say no. unfortunately. but also I’m super glad they want my help bc they know I can write at least (one good thing)#but. that’s still -3 days available#then. the demons#wasted so many hours just pacing and biting my nails raw and being pathetic#so yeah. in a little under 15 hrs I want to be in bed again. resting until the 19th when the cycle will begin anew#also math ain’t mathing. my exam is in 12 hrs only now 13.
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got my first shift at my first Real Job tmrw night ending at 1am wml😔😔😔
#i love how flexible the shifts are and they're all really short it's like ideal for me but also. omfg. scary 😭#gritting my teeth. i need money to leave this shithole country and i need a job to get money it's fine. this is fine#it's literally so discouraging to know ppl in the west have minimum wages of like 15 euros meanwhile it's literally 3 eur here#like even if you work hard you're only earning a fraction of what you could be if you were doing the same shit out there😭#just like. the inherent agony of knowing im earning money that's gonna be way less valuable out there#but im not on minimum wage and it's flexible but shoulddd be around 5 - 15 euros an hour#it's the only reason i even applied at least this way i can tell myself im actually making a positive dent in my savings#idek how much i have saved rn coz i never spend on anything and I've been saving since i knew what money was#but forint is literally not worth the paper it's printed on anymore like man i remember when#a euro was worth 200 forint.... i literally have the same coins i did when i was 10 but they're worth less than half as much now. crazy#man I should've gone into economics or global politics for real i love this shit. whatever that's a whole different spiral#barking
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Poll adventure (paventure? lol) Day 15: read the small story tidbit below the poll for more details, OR just vote based on initial impression
(✦ see past poll results + further information HERE (link) ✦)
Yesterday's poll decided that The Adventurer should purchase some new shoes for himself while he's in the city...
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It costs quite a bit of coin, but in the end he decides that having a new sturdy pair of boots will serve him well on his travels. After he's done in the shop, he rushes back to the local inn before nightfall, eventually settling into a somewhat restless sleep..
The next morning, he orders some cheap vegetable stew from a food stall, then lounges in a park as he has his breakfast, watching the squirrels weave through flowering trees and birds pecking about in the dewy grass.. When finished with his meal (and sufficiently recovered from the emotional turmoil of burning his tongue on the soup), he quickly sells his old pair of shoes to a sketchy pawn shop before finally getting back to his journey...
By his calculations, if he he walks all day, it should only be two more sleeps before he gets to his destination, so he sets out to travel as efficiently as possible. He doesn't have the money to rent a cart, or the skill to ride a borrowed horse, but, he does have some fancy new walking shoes and a renewed sense of purpose. No more meandering through fields looking for flowers, napping in the shade, or scanning the ground for cool rocks.. He's going to focus this time!
......After a few hours, he comes across a broken down carriage in the middle of the road, with few people surrounding it, seemingly stuck trying to repair a wheel or something. It's hard to discern from afar..
Maybe if he helps them, he could get a free ride.. or some coins.. or make a new lifelong friend! Who knows? Possibilities flood his mind, this is what adventuring is all about! Wandering into interesting situations and making the most out of them!! .. But, then he recalls his previous oath.. he's supposed to focus today and not allow himself to sidetracked.. And who says he has the skills to help anyway? It could always just be a waste of time... Hmm...
What should he do?
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Additional Information
the adventurer's current main quest: follow his map to reach the abandoned castle ruins and see the rare animal specialist about the mysterious egg he has
#paventure posting#poll#polls#choose your own adventure#GHWOOPPPs yeah it's been an entire month basically since the last one ghj.. I said I was trying to get back on schedule.. idk what happened#I guess I initially thought that april would be a less busy month but then it actually ended up being MORE busy with a ton of appointments#and stuff so then I had like no time. on top of trying to get a lot of other stuff done... so.. eughhh#I DO STILL want to keepon track of this more though. I want to at least get him to the abandoned castle so he can complete#his quest. I think like. the first poll a lot of people seemed to like and care about and participate in so it was kind of like 'oh! cool!#it can be a fun collaborative story with a lot of people!' but then gradually less people participate or care so then I kind of allow mysel#to slack with it as well liike 'oh its fine if I miss a day or two here and there' which then turns into a month when I have other stuff#to do lol. Because it does still take time. like maybe 2 hours to put a post together. even if the art and writing is relatively rushed and#quick. Especially since polls are not editable once posted so half the time is just proofreading the post and tags 15 times#just to make super sure there's no errors or etc. lol.. But trying to clear two hours of time during an already hectic day for something#that generally speaking very few people are engaged with or care about at all when it's meant to be interactive (like with normal art#or costumes or other stuff I do - low interaction doesnt bother me since that's not the point/it's not as relevant. but with an actual poll#you do want like.. the most poeple possible to vote on it etc. lol) so it's like.. ehhh#I was originally thinking like 'oh i could do this for an entire year and tell like a whole story and it'd be cool to see where it ends#up eventually after so long and the community kind of choosing the direction of everything!' but now its like 'well people care significant#ly less about the following polls than they did the first one so maybe not As Big Of A Thing but I do at least want to finish the current#thing going on' etc. I mean if in the next few posts it becomes More Of A Thing then it's very fluid. I could do it for longer#but with the way things are looking it's like. is it worth the time investment when i ALSO have 800 other creative projects I'm meant to be#working on?? etc. etc. ANYWAY though.. Still there will probably be at least 10 or however many more since there's still like 1-2 more days#before he even gets to the castle plus then doing things AT the place.#I want to continue his journey!!!!! I also have just felt sick and weird and so unfocused for a while eughhh.. sorry#OO I almost forgot about his injury from the fight. i had to just add it in the last moment lol.. SEE this is why I proofread 100 times#I can't edit polls so they have to be Correct the first time.. ueghhh
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Wow ok
#i know 13 hours is not that long in gaming culture/lingo/whatever#but keep in mind that I don't play stuff very often#aside from Jsr the longests hours i have on other games is 24 in Digimon and 15 in Sonic and sega all stars racing#so borderline 14 hours is a lot fot my standards. especially considering I've had this game for less than a week#if i snap out of my art block you guys should 100% expect Jet set radio art#hyena ramblings#jet set radio#jsr
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yk that military kid camp i went to? gone for like a week? there were so many homeschooled kids it was crazy. and people that skipped grades. like a 14 yr old is a junior and this 15 yr old is starting freshman in college. made me feel 1) dumb 2) better because i feel like i am inherently less awkward and less socially inept than the average homeschooled kid. i do feel bad a little bit. not a lot.
you are less socially inept than the average homeschool kid I promise. this includes me unfortunately. also don't worry about whether or not they're smarter than you I promise something is still wrong with them
#15 yr old freshman in college is probably just doing dual enrollment which I was SUPPOSED TO DO#but I was lazy and kept putting off taking the practice tests so now I'm a senior. and still haven't started dual enrollment#probably not going to#but yeah a lot of homeschoolers do dual enrollment bc supposedly? the first 2 years of college aren't really major specific#they're like. general classes everyone is required to take. so homeschoolers with flexible schedules have the time and ability#to take those during highschool. they also might just not be taking the highschool versions of those classes at all#like if you can do. entry level college biology or highschool biology well the college one is the same stuff but more in depth#so you don't need to take the highschool class#and then as for the 14 yr old junior well one homeschoolers tend to have less work#I don't really get homework because it's just schoolwork#like I just have to complete things on khan academy#and a lot of in school classroom time is just the teacher trying to manage 20 kids. which isn't a problem here#so I have like. 3-4 hours of schoolwork total in a day probably? you could totally backload more of it#to be finished quicker#anyway they're not any smarter than you they just do school differently in a way that sounds more impressive#but isn't gonna have that big of an effect later#finishing college 2 years early doesn't actually get you anything but your degree 2 years early#ask#ghoultaffy#hi jayme!
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finding out last years toon fest was in Atlanta is really funny to me
#clemramble#WHAT DO YOU MEAN IT WAS 2 HOURS AND 30 MINUTES AWAY FROM ME. COME BACK.#i say this but in reality id get too frightened to go like a small animal huddling in the corner of the room#...also i wasnt crazy into tt until may (month school was ending) so. yknow.#but its funny to think about. one beautiful car drive away#i get there and then get scared and run out forever because idont know anyone#and also bc its more tt r focused and i know ... less than id like about it. not like thats an issue but i just probably wouldnt be#able to participate in the trivia and stuff . or atleast i think. i dontknow what all they do there if i must be honest but it seems fun#i do need to play it someday.. i think i made an account and then just never had the motivation to play#would you believe me if i said its because i love zap gags and they dont have zap in that one#i looove electric based attacks#i do need to figure out what that monkeys deal is though. i must find out one day#everytime someone talks about him it just sounds like hes always going through the trenches#anyways sorryijust think its funny it was so close. and now its 15 hours away
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never let an atlantan fool you into thinking they can drive in the rain
#eat all the grass that you want#doodles#this happened less than an hour ago btw#and we were not going fast. i swear to jeebus we were going . 35 mph max.#homeboy turning left decided to creep out into the intersection at 15 mph despite oncoming traffic being less than 100 yds away#like bro?#bro?#are you even looking bro?#use your eyes bro?#and im not gonna shit you here this happens EVERY FUCKING TIME IT RAINS!!!!!!#it wasnt even raining HARD#it was a SPRINKLING AT MOST#yet this continues to happen. the clouds let loose a lil pee pee and the citizens of atlanta lose their entire shit#roll up to the office like what up ladies i just saw a car crash and theyre all like oh yes us too. 2 for me. 3 for me. i barely missed 1
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