#and absolutely no money to go buy more
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I could hlget a haircut and tattoos and piercings but those things cost money and to be quite honest I just can't be bothered anymore.
#kinda wanting my hair short again but 1) itll look bad 2) i have no money 3) itll look bad 4) im not willing to cut it myself at the moment#5) itll look bad#so weird how some days ill actually think i look kinda hot and then the next day ill just look at the mirror and think im the most hideous#thing to ever walk the earth#like just. reminding myself i dont have the same face shape or skin tone or facial proportions as the person i though hey that haircust nic#and that feels bad. nothing looks good on me nothing is āflatteringā BECAUSE its me#no matter what#idk anymore#like my clothes are all messed up i have shirts that are abou to become floor rags#i have 1.3 pants that āfitā me#and absolutely no money to go buy more#fast fashion is bad and low quality. thrift shops are expensive and dont have anything my size.#might as well kill myself already#i dont even know what my style is anymore i just wear whatever fits#<<<barely anything
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A lil guy !
#honkai star rail#dan heng#genuinely have a million things i wanna draw and then zero energy#so dan heng in a hoodie#now i gotta go get dinner sooooo maybe that will give energy and then i can draw more of what i actually wanna draw#but i kinda spent like ... hours ? talking to my mom earlier today#since shes been in the hospital for many many days#so i was catching her up on whats been goin on and showed her silly lil videos#and telling her how hyped i was for summer hrid and she (very patient with my fe talk)#was like you always tell me about banners being bad so it must have made you REALLY happy to say the whole banner is good#and im like yeah and i had multiple people on multiple sites like hey salmon/moeblob did ya see the banner#and she was like thats so cool that people acknowledge who you like and im like yeah it is p cool#and then i told her how mad i was at the absolutely criminal act of limiting how you can watch clue (1985 hit movie)#like i told her yeah sure i own it twice on dvd and once on itunes and that the only way to watch those#are either desktop or ps2 and how i dont have access to my itunes email#and i dont have it on my laptop so i sadly would have to rebuy the movie on itunes under a new acct#then i said how i loved that it was free to watch with ads on yt and id watched it twice that way#but then recently wanted to watch it on there but laptop and hoo boy you have to buy or rent it now#so i v angrily was like fine whatever ill do the thing and leave my room and go watch it on my moms tv#while she isnt around and use her amazon prime where it should be included except ! IT WASNT!#YOU HAVE TO HAVE PRIME TO BUY OR RENT IT NOW TOO!#HOW ARE THEY DOING THIS AND WHY ! who in the world is watching this movie so much that isnt me that they have to charge for it now#on all platforms unless you straight up pirate it#and hey why would i of all people be needing to pirate a movie i own physically two times and digitally once#this is literally a personalized attack to me#and my mom was like i understand how you feel cause yeah thats really weird to do to a 1985 movie#and im like yes exactly i have morals and principles that make me opposed to this and its v maddening#and she said she understood and its ok next time we are having power issues and i have to shut down#that if i really wanna watch it i can rent it on her amazon account and i looked at her and shes like oh you feel v strongly about this#and i do! I HAVE HAD IT GIFTED TO ME TWICE ! I BOUGHT IT ONCE! WHY DO I HAVE TO RENT IT FOR MORE MONEY!
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Why are vetted accounts sending people stuff like this.
I mean it's clearly copy-pasted and sent to multiple people but this isn't even a donations ask. Imma guess the reason people aren't responding is because you're accusing them of not doing enough for Palestine and sending it to multiple people who you clearly don't check because I've been posting about and for Palestine since oct 7th when I learned about it.
Also yes he is looking for donations, you can check his account and find it. Why are you sending this guilt trippy stuff to people and accusing them of not caring enough? You don't know me? You send these to multiple people so your clearly not checking the account in question. This dose nothing to help you personally or the Palestinian cause, it just pisses people off and makes them question vetters.
#levi speaks#the second i put the daily click for palestine on multiple of my other popular non politcal blogs#i got a bunch of non vetted spam donations asks to the point i had to turn off my inbox#like why are they being sent to my completely empty blog without even a post on it nor a mention of Palestine#like a blog with litterally nothing on it but its pfp header and a tiny bit of type#im not saying they shouldn't reach out to as many people as possible but clearly spam accounts with stolen pictures have started#claiming they are vetted like ones with ai generated supposed irl photographs with so many fuck ups and water marks its not gunny#before you say im trying to claim hes a spam bot im not but seriously#ive gotten child gore like actual guts out child gore sent to my inbox by vetted accounts#like no i cant post your donations ask because it could get my whole account taken down you put gore in it#im native i get the plight but you cant be doing this#dont go harass this guy idk what his deal is and i dont care ive already blocked him#but seriously dont send gore dont send guilt triply stuff dont do any of it its why ive offically decided that no one is exempt anymore#from my no donations posts rule how can i trust vetters when copypaste stuff like this and gore get tossed around#i had one rule#in your ask state who vetter you so i could double check#ive deleted probably over a hundred copypaste donations requests because they couldnt state who vetted them#usually cause no one had even when they got suggested vetters to help#again i wanna be clear idk whose real or not and im not following that stupid conspiracy theory that they are all bots#or its a scam ring i dont believe that#i however absolutely believe that theres a bigger bot problem than people want to admit to#cause unless some of these victims are just copy pasting into thousands of inboxes all day every day#then its probably a bot and not one by a victim because bot campaigns cost astronomical amounts of money#like enough money to help them cross the border 6 times over#and if we follow Occam's razor well they arnt goong to waste thousands of dollars trying to buy bots to get more#they are just gonna feed themselves and escape#or give it to other loved ones who need to feed themselves and escape#or medical expenses but you get the jist they arent buying bots so if it read like a bot its probably not an actual victim#im sadly getting to the point where i only trust organizations#meant to help there
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animal jam is a lot more fun when you're rich
#seriously notp is making me RICH on ajpw#i can get like. one corruption orb per hour of playing dungeons. the super sweets prizes?? got an alpha after like 5 rounds. got soo many#rares from that too.....#and now i'm like. oh i want to play as a dragon? don't have to wait two weeks to save the sapphires! i can buy it now!!#looking for a cool specific piece of clothing for my outfit? i can just buy it right now!! without worrying about the price!!!#i'm seriously considering buying an alpha. just like. snooping on explorer looking at the different wizard hats for when i sell mines#(i'm not That rich lol)#kind of disappointing anyways. like. it's easy to grind this stuff when you're not a kid but it must take so long for kids to do this!!#most of the people in this game get rich by paying money!! and like#i was always a nm on classic and while they are definitely more pay to play it was like. you could have so much fun and still be poor#play wild it's like. you do get all these features but so much of it is focused on Buying. like the only non purchase stuff i can think of#is crafting ???? and the phantom dungeons.. and the minigames. and talking to people i guess.#but like honestlyyy people only really care about the items and getting items and what items are coming out next month?? and what animals??#what new effects can i get for my pets for my items??? AUGHHHHHHHHHHHH#idk. idk. i know animal jam is far past its glory days and it needs to do this to survive. and i definitely do not want this game to die.#but it is really going full capitalism mode. and i think the content and the players and the devs are really suffering from that. idk.#jamblr#i do really enjoy doing the nonogram puzzles and i absolutely love the dungeons. i'm glad they give me stuff to sell. but man. i kind of ju#t wish it wasn't so much like this yknow#ramblings#bangers
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Be so fucking for real my firesetter plushies got here and like an hour after they arrived i went to the mail room to grab them and they grew legs and WALKED AWAY because that package was NOWHERE to be seen . I turned the whole room upside down and asked the staff and no one knows where it is.
I think some lady grabbed it thinking it was hers bc i guess were just gonna grab packages without actually making sure the information is accurate. Ok
Hopefully they track her down and figure this out cuz thats so annoying . I spent 70 bucks and waited for months and i SWEAR i knew something was gonna go wrong the whole time and it DID . The worst part is theyre limited edition so i cant just buy them again and ill never be able to get them . All because the package evaporated ig.
Now i get mad every time i see the plushies i swear why is my luck with packages and merch so bad lately .
#i just wanted to COMPLAIN!#plus i got scammed right after i bought these plushies bc i got some text abt packaging being damaged#and they got my credit card info or whatever bc i was dumb.#and i lost a ton of money to it . that was stupid on my part#but now thats even more infurating bc if i never recover these plushies that means it was for absolutely NOTHING#it was already for nothing but even more so now.#i doubt anyone intentionally stole it bc what business does anyone have taking those#u cant even tell what it is from the package alone#buying these plushies has just been one of the most annoying things ive bought .#its no ones fault rlly . its just been stressful the WHOLE time#and i cant even say āoh i was just panicking irrationallyā cuz something bad DID ACTUALLY HAPPEN#I KNEW SMTH WOULD GO WRONG THE WHOLE TIMEEE#i wont even tag this properly
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the guys latest take thats so bad i cannot keep it to myself is that people who can afford to not shop at thrift stores shouldn't shop at thrift stores. what????
#mans like āfuck the planet and caring about the child slaves that make clothesā#i feel like there is a better solution to the lack of clothes at thrift stores....#idk maybe more people donating clothes.#which people are insentivised to do because they get repayed in like āmoneyā for the thrift shop. and you know what people like??#getting the shit they already buy for cheaper.#im sorry for bullying this 14 year old but like what.#also hes an ass and deserves it idc#itd be so funny if hes on shblr but i highly highly doubt it mans too high and mighty and pure for self harm#everytime i see someone on here who likes home stuck or mlp i get a lil scared#the shit this man says whilst having āsocialistā in his pinned is so. interesting.#also there is no shortage of stuff and thrift stores here idk what shop mans going to but like all of them ive been too here are absolutely#overflowing
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Back on my meds, making a damn decent paycheck despite how many days I had to take off this month, my momās feeling better now that sheās home and weāve figured everything out, our neighborās gonna build us a wheelchair ramp for cheap, and my dad miiiiiiiiight be buying a new car as we speak š¤ (my mom just canāt get into the truck anymore, and she hasnāt wanted to drive her two seater for a while now, so weāre trading it for something practical). Things are finally going fairly well, all things considered ā¤ļø
#she speaks#after the absolute hell weāve been in all October I think we deserve a fucking break#hopefully this post doesnāt jinx the car lol#weāre keeping the truck obv cuz like we got livestock#but the lil beamer has got to go unfortunately#sad itās a fun lil car#but it hasnāt been getting the love it deserves and itās time for something more suited to our needs as a family#kinda exciting really I hope we get it#we all fucking hate spending money so both my parents have been waffling on it for a couple of days#but like I told them mama you got a doctorās appointment next week for your g tube#and then a hospital follow up with our pcp the week after that#and youāre gonna have to see a gi and a nutritionist pretty regularly#and thereās gonna be more surgeon follow ups Iām sure#and eventually weāre gonna need to take you to outpatient pt cuz we canāt have a home health pt forever#cuz insurance only pays for it for like six weeks#so either weāre gonna have to rent a car every time you go to the doctor#or we gotta buy one#and like this isnt going away youāll have to go to the doctor often#cuz youāre missing like half of your small intestine#so getting a rental all the time is gonna suck#it would be better to have a car you can get in and out of easily just on hand#not to mention eventually youāre gonna wanna get out of this house just for the hell of it#and itās not like we can wake up one morning and decide hey letās go on a day trip#and then waste two hours driving back and forth from the nearest enterprise#which is on an extremely busy two lane highway and is FUCKING terrifying to get to lmfao#so with any luck my dad will keep that in mind and not back out at the dealership lol
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saw a starfish on the beach today & was absolutely ENAMOURED - literally 3 of us were just squatting over this tide pool watching him move
#stream#omg i just remembered i was the last 1 to change / shower & i had just walked back from the cold ass shower thing to rinse off the salt &#punya came over & he was like ābrother ā¦ā & i was like what ? & he went šš«“#& i asked what do u want me to give u ?? āa cigarette u motherfuckerā āu know what i would love 1 TOO bitch but GUESS who smoked them ALL b#it WASNT ME !!!ā šššš AKSJAKSKAKSKKSKSKAKSLSKSL#& NOW I DONT EVEN HAVE A VAPE BC OF THE FREAK BRIT THAT JUST WALKED OFF W IT#iām still not upset abt it iām more so just bewildered ? just shocked ? like i didnāt even care to try to get it back i was just like ok ?#iām still shocked by it bc itās just so#COMICAL ? LIKE ??? šššš did neither of us speak english like 2 entirely different messages werenāt sent#LIKE ITS NOT A DISPOSABLE THIS IS A RECHARGABLE REFILLABLE VAPE#it was just 20Ā£ & getting 2 disposables are also 20Ā£ from the off license & i used literally like 80 ? 100ml ? in it ? so saved money#regardless but i did buy a pack of pods but 1 of the 3 that i used didnāt end up working & that was the third on it excluding the original#battery & those are 10Ā£/pack so 30Ā£ overall for what would equivalently be like idk probably around 10 of those 5k off license vapes which#would yea be 120quid so including the price of the vials themselves itās 3-for-10Ā£ used 5#so thatās 50Ā£ bs 120Ā£ even w the cost of a new device say + 30 thatās still only 3/4 of the price of what it would be using dispos which ar#cheaper than cigarettes REGARLESS#even the 30/120 thatās still u know literally a quarter of the cost itās just a bigger upfront cost but itās significantly cheaper long ter#STILL SAVING MONEY ā¦. i say as if addiction isnāt inherently a waste of money but u see to that argument i budget it like food bc thatās ho#addiction works itās just going to continue & ur going to include it in the budget as if itās a PHYSICAL NECESSITY TO LIVE#to be fair sometimes it is lol like bro i couldnāt stop drinking w/o being in a hospital bc alcohol withdrawls can literally kill u#like my blood pressure was over 180 at 1 point when i was detoxing in hospital ššššš#SCREAM#anyway#forget that#happy new year 2024.5 ššš#my new year starts now fuck u the first half was just warm up#could i stop smoking if i wanted to ? yes ! will i ? absolutely fucking not !#IM ALLOWED THIS AS A TREAT#THAT I INHALE LIKE OXYGEN: CONSTANTLY
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i was gonna say "i shouldn't have to go to work when my brain feels like a depression slushie" and then i was like "wait but then i'd basically never ever go to work" and i'm actually doubling down on the first part now bc my god how am i supposed to heal my brain from burning out 5 years ago if i can never get an actual break
#//juri speaks#i also at this moment: do not know if i have health insurance anymore / if i will be able to get insurance#if i can't get insurance i will not be able to take classes this fall#if i can't take classes my loan repayments will kick in immediately#i already don't have enough money for anything and i certainly don't have a spare $150 a month for the government#at any rate i need to submit my tuition waiver Soon but i can't until i know if i can get into the second class#so i have to wait for the prof or my advisor to get back to me#all the while a funeral day draws nearer#and then AT work i still feel like my position doesn't need to exist#but i desperately need it to exist because i need the money#and this big mchuge data migration project we were SUPPOSED to have had done in JUNE is being pushed to the absolute last minute#not by us but by the folks in control of the software we're moving to#so we're not going to have any safety margins with the old software#it's going to be GONE and dead and unlicensed while we're trying to learn the new shit#and i'm going to have to deal with the other branch cataloger trying to do everything for us which Won't Help#and i need!!!!!! a break!!!!!!!!!! from everything!!!!!#i need the world to stop and i need to go sit in the desert for like 6 months#instead best i can do is go buy the new taz gn for a little crumb of escape. maybe a little coffee drink while i'm there#even though i've been hitting sugar hard lately and really do not have the funds to buy more clothes if i gain a few more lbs#and can't afford a walking pad/treadmill and don't want to go outside bc it is a billion degrees all day every day rn#uuuuuuuuuuuugggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
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does anyone have any tips on how to gather the courage for several big expenses
#wind howls#going to buy the parts to build my very first pc. and my god. im terrified#a friend in my class helped me out a bunch though. were both on tight budgets so he found me the best parts for cheapest and im grateful#but the second to worst part is buying them. the absolute worst part is assembly#i dont know the first thing about builing a pc and im terrified really. what if i get incompatible parts or even break them ???#and why is more storage so expensive ??? i want big boy storage but i dont have the money to be paying a billion trillion dollars for it#genuinely if anyone has any tips for pc building i would be most grateful even if its youtube channels or reddit threads for baby beginners#š„ŗš
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Day two of rapidly pounding down two to three cups of coffee in one sitting like a fucking maniac:
I did my dishes, disinfected and de-scaled my kitchen sink, swept the floors, rearranged the ingredients I have out on the counter, wiped down my microwave, the stove, and the countertops with vinegar water.
#I am slowly turning into Captain Janeway#Actually ADHD#The coffee was still watery so I need to put more grounds in for the taste but I feel the level of caffeine is good for me#Maybe I should buy a bag of Turkish coffee from the Arab-owned cafĆ© because holy shit itās amazing#But not now I need to get groceries and then not spend anything for the next two weeks#Except to purchase a rolling island for my kitchen on Marketplace which is allowed because itās cash money not bank money#Bank money pays the rent and utilities and needs to be conserved.#Cash money is for local purchases that cannot be paid electronically so it doesnāt count if I spend it#because itās not used for the same things#Iām still frugal with it but it is infinitely less stressful to spend it because I view it as āextraā#And it sounds like Iām being careless but actually Iām being extra careful because if I buy something electronically#I assume I have less money than I do because I donāt count the cash money with the bank money#If I donāt have enough to buy something with my debit card I wait it out and donāt put my cash money in the bank to cover it#However if I earn 150 dollars pet sitting I may decide to put 100 dollars in savings and use the 50 as cash money#but once I make that decision there is no going back#The same works in reverse: I never withdraw bank money to turn it into cash money#And the rule is if I put money into savings it shall absolutely positively not come back out again until I need it for a goal#like a down payment on a house or somethingā¦ which is a LONG way off#Although I may pull from it to fund my adaptation in the near futureā¦ still deciding#Wow I did not mean to talk about finances ahsbsjdndnsks#But yeah Iām really good with money so if anyone needs budgeting/penny pinching tips please do hit me up#Donāt ask me about investing or cash back thoughā¦ I donāt understand them#and if I donāt understand something I wonāt use it
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Iām sitting in a botanical garden parking lot convincing myself it would be alright to spend 115 dollars on an annual membership just because itās huge and pretty and would make me happy but like Iām nervous about how much money that is and like I have the money but it seems so frivolous I donāt actually need to go to the botanical garden like for survival or anything
#my grandma says I should think less about buying things for survival and think more about buying things to arrive at the life I want#honestly a one day ticket to the garden is 20 dollars so itās not a horrible deal and I know I would come here probably often and I went to#one of their free days last year and I loved it but it was absolutely ridiculously packed because it was a free day and itās usually so exp#expensive so this way I could just visit when I want to and it wonāt be as crazy#Iām worried Iām being ridiculous though and that I should definitely forget about this and go save my money for a future need
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Putting some drama under the cut about the recent GO developments
I thought it over, and I don't think I'll be watching the "season 3 episode" when it comes out.
I love Good Omens, deeply. Good omens was the fandom that made me stop being a lurker online and put my opinions down to share with other fans. I met an amazing community in the fandom and I made so many friends, and the characters and story meant very much to me.
But I don't feel comfortable knowing my engagement may go to support an abuser.
I am not judging anyone for separating the artist from the art and especially I am not going to judge people for supporting the cast and crew of the show.
I just. Don't feel comfortable thinking I may inadvertently contributed, even in a minuscule capacity, to a parasocial relationship that gave so much social power to a person who used that social power to hurt and abuse people.
It's complicated and it's nuanced, but for the time being I'll peace out from that and dedicate myself to things that bring me joy
Just needed to get it off my chest I suppose
#don't even know how to tag this#i know that pure art forms don't exist#much great art that i personally adore was created by horrible people#i am aware of that and i am habitually all for the death of the author concept#i do however feel uncomfortable with the idea that my love for something may actively bring more pain into the world right now#like no-one will be hurt if i love caravaggio despite him being a literal murder#or enjoying lovecraft - because he's freaking dead#but the idea of my money going to people that will use to hurt others right now#that makes me deeply uncomfortable#will it have any impact on the world as large?#absolutely not JKR is still incredibly rich and she absolutely doesn't care if i don't buy the pretty ravenclaw mug#it's just ... a personal way of mine to deal with it#as futile as it may be#negativity#discourse
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dc is doing a little mini relaunch after the current crossover finishes and honestly thank god because literally only two of their current ongoings interest me but there's a bunch of fun looking stuff happening in november that i might actually look at. and also it's starting series for several guys who should have had ongoings this whole time like the fucking JUSTICE LEAGUE
#i.e. black lightning JSA question batgirl. and i'll keep up with justice league now that they actually HAVE an ongoing#insane that it just wasn't happening for so long. why did they do that.#now i might actually take an interest in the mainline crossovers if there's a series that they're actually building from#then again. if it's crap i probably won't stick with it#but like marvel has three avengers books running concurrently CONSTANTLY. and yet dc hardly ever has justice league stuff going on#a team book is just. the obvious place to do all that stuff. cos i'm not reading batman i do not CARE about batman#but the new justice league has flash and black lightning and martian manhunter and other guys who i think are cool outside the Trinity guys#also i'm thinking i'll have a look at the 'absolute' universe. yes we are pointing and laughing at the batman design but it seems like an#interesting concept. and also extremely funny that they're going oh fuck marvel relaunched ultimates we have to do something like that too#but actually looking at the ACTUAL premise of the thing. it's more about making an extremely stripped back version of each character#designed to be at their lowest with no support systems in place#idk how it'll turn out. might be too edgy and angst filled for my tastes.#but it looks worth a look#for the record the two series i'm actually readign currently are poison ivy and the flash.#flash i'm actually collecting (i got in when it started and am yet to be disappointed)#lily dot tee ex tee#my pull list is getting so long. and my actual pull list of comics i'm buying is getting a bit much too#but i do not regret impulse subscribing to The Power Fantasy having just read issue 1. it's INCREDIBLE.#i've stopped getting ultimate x men tho. was good but i don't think really worth the money of getting it physically. i'll just pirate.#and tbh the current dr who run is eh. and also only a 4 issue limited series. but it's dr who comics of course i'm collecting it anyway.#immortal thor is a thousand times worth the money tho holy SHIT that book is SO GOOD and i'm SO GLAD i'm reading it physically#sorry i don't comicspost often but i had. a lot of thoughts.
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man
#my mil has had me buying groceries for the whole house for weeks even tho i make less than $200 most weeks and she makes $80k/y#so weve been constantly on the cliffside of having absolutely nothing to eat in the house bc i cant AFFORD to feed 3 adults#and then when i DO get food she eats our stuff as much as she eats what i bought for her so im just#so fucking hungry all the time#which is the case rn im so so hungry but wtf am i even going to eat at this point#were out of produce out of potatoes out of frozen food out of beans like#brooggghhh#im so hungry š but i have less than $100 which means the delivery and tip fees make ordering Worthless until i have more money to spend#stupid evil system i hate it here#i had blissful dreams about grocery shopping fat stacks and cooking for friends lastnight
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this is just me going "fine I'll just do it myself" after not being able to find a single fanart for Yi Xian (the cultivation card game). (I bet there's some but I'm just not able to find it)
so here we are, catering to myself and myself only with very low-effort doodles to destress feat. mostly Mu Yifeng, Yan Chen and Jiang Ximing
#Yi xian: the cultivation card game#Mu Yifeng#Yan Chen#Jiang Ximing#i know these arent solid at all but times rough and scribbling go brr#anyway hey if anyones intrigued and wants to know more about the game#its an autobattler deckbuilder in xianxia setting#so if pvp deckbuilding/strategy is your style you absolute should go check it out#i myself hate using my brain and pvp so this is absolutely not what i usually play or would pick up but it charmed me and i love it so much#even tho i SUCK at it so bad#its in early access on steam for 7 euro#for anyone interested#and it makes me so sad that theres so many negative reviews saying its p2w cuz its NOT!!!! the only thing available with money is reskins#and u can get the jades to buy them by playing anyway#but ive heard there were p2w elements back when it got released but they got hotfixed quickly but i guess the rumours stuck around?? sad#also if u like the concept and wanna see more without actually playing i recommend gameplays by retromation they're super entertaining#anyway#yeah i absolutely shouldnt be playing nno games whatsoeveer rn bc i cant afford any of the precious time I've got left#i dont even know exactly how much ive got left until the school leaving exams and shit for Uni like two months ig#im useless absolutely i cant i cant but brain no work and pretty card game makes stress go away uh oh spaghettios#oh well enough of that#cheers#btw ive been doodling in the meantime but ppl actually follow this blog now so I'm overthinking it again and not posting anything goddammit
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