#and about 6 years ago was really the first time I actually was like Hey.
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mosspodge · 3 months ago
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looking back at the pinterest board i made 6 years ago when i was just figuring out clothes beyond tshirt + shorts or maaaaaaaybe a skirt is really funny to me
i never stopped adding to it, so over time it's slowly become this fun timeline of When Mossy Learned What Fashion Was. you can visibly see where the turning point from "idk this is nice i guess" to "This is nicer fabric that will last a while, a shape I enjoy, and in color(s) i frequently wear and will match the rest of my wardrobe" was
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moonstruckme · 8 months ago
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Are you going to continue the roomate James series? I’m actually in love with it😍
Yes! Thank you for reading <3
part 1 │ part 2 │ part 3 │ part 4 │part 5 │ part 6 │ part 7 │ part 8 │ part 9 │ part 10 │ part 11 │ part 12 │ part 13
roommate!James x shy!reader ♡ 804 words
“Honey, I’m home!” 
A smile tugs at your lips, even as you roll your eyes to yourself. James has become more and more fond of these pet names, and of announcing his comings and goings like he’s worried you’ll miss him. (He’s never gone long enough for that, though you might actually miss him if he were.) If you don’t respond in some way or another, he’ll—
“Hey.” He pokes his head through your cracked door. “You alive in here?” 
You pause in folding your laundry to give him a deadpan look. “I could have been in my underwear.” 
He looks mildly horrified. “I’d hope if you were, you’d close the door all the way.” 
“You know, I did manage to stay alive even before you moved in.” 
James leans on your doorframe, giving you the sort of lazy grin you have to pretend doesn’t scare butterflies into flight in your stomach. You really hope that wears off soon. “See, but now I’m convinced if I don’t check on you, you really will die and it’ll be my fault.” 
“How would it be your fault?” 
“Classic case of roommate neglect. I smell the rotting coming from inside your room, the police come, they ask How did you not know your roommate was dead for a month? I reply, Well, officer, she said she could be galavanting in her underwear at any moment. They put me in handcuffs and I spend the next five to fifteen years having Sirius bring me cigarettes I don’t want so that I can trade them for ramen noodles in the yard.” 
You scoff, fighting a smile. “As if you would ever eat ramen.” 
“That’s what I’m saying, sweetheart. You’d be forcing me upon desperate times. But hey,” he raises his hands in a show of surrender, “I didn’t come in here to discuss prison currency. Would it be alright with you if I had friends over tonight?” 
“Of course,” you say, looking back down to match a pair of socks. “You don’t need to ask every time, it’s always alright.” 
“Thanks,” he says warmly, “but it makes me feel better to ask. What do you want on your pizza?” 
You blink. “Me?” 
“Yes, you.” He smiles. Butterflies all over again. “You don’t have to hang out with us to eat it—though we’d love to have you—but I’m not just going to order pizza to your own apartment without having any for you.” 
“It’s your apartment, too,” you remind him. “That’d be a very normal thing to do.” 
“Irregardless.” James waves you off. You wrinkle your nose at the word choice. “What do you want?” 
You swallow a sigh. There are some things, you’ve found, James is nearly impossible to argue with about. If you really dig your heels in, sometimes you can make him move first, but you don’t feel like it right now. 
You do the next best thing you can think of: choosing the least obtrusive option. “Cheese is good with me, thanks.” 
His eyes narrow like he knows what you’re doing, but he says, “Got it. I’ll let you know when it’s here.” 
“Thanks.” You turn your attention back to your laundry. James lingers in the doorway. 
A month ago, you would have kept ignoring him, working on the (unfounded) hope that he’d go away. Now, you look up. 
“Do you think you might come downstairs and hang out?” he asks. He has a strange look on his face, one you can’t quite decipher. “You know you’re always invited.” 
You give James a terse sort of smile. He’s not stopped inviting you to do things since the day he moved in. Your open invitation has been made very clear, and you’ve been accepting it more often lately. James is someone who makes it easy to feel close to him. He tosses pet names at you like they’re nothing, comes to check on you when he gets home, pretends he needs to go grocery shopping just because you need a ride to the store. Last week, you’d sat down to watch a movie with him and woken up to a black screen, your cheek smushed into his shoulder and his head resting atop yours. 
Somehow, you’ve let him spill into your life without meaning to, and now you have these childish, crush-like reactions whenever he smiles a certain way or calls you pet names with that familiar bent to his voice. You know you just need time to sort these feelings out. It’d probably be ideal to keep yourself from spilling into his life as much as possible in the meantime. 
But it’s hard to deny James anything when he’s so sweet to you. And he’s nice. His friends seem nice. 
“I might,” you say. 
“I’ll take the win,” James replies, smiling. These butterflies are seriously inconvenient.
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lunarsilver · 30 days ago
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What awaits you in 2025?
REMEMBER
I’m not a doctor, a psychiatrist, a therapist nor a psychologist. Divination will never replace meetings with them.
It’s a general reading, so not everything will resonate.
If you can’t choose between two piles, probably both of them have some messages for you. You can also not identify with any of them, and that’s okay, too.
Readings can help you make a decision, but they shouldn’t be the main reason for making it.
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1 ~ 2 ~ 3
4 ~ 5 ~ 6
PILE 1
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What will this year teach you? 
Strength
The Major Arcana shining on your 2025 is Strength. That’s my favorite Tarot card if I’m being honest so I may be biased lol. You’ll learn this year you have way more strength than you thought you have - especially the psychological and mental one. This card is both about your inner strength and the way you are able to influence others. You’ll learn how to channel this power.
The main theme of each season for you
Winter: Summer (expansion, growth) - Spring: Leaves (renewal, revival, progress) - Summer: Bird (freedom, opportunity) - Fall: Moon (phases, cycles, intuition)
Funny that for the winter season we’ve got a card called Summer, huh? The first three months of this year you’ll find new ways to grow and work on it. This trend will continue in spring, though you’ll correct the course a bit, maybe come back to something (a hobby or a dream?) and realize that hey, you actually still like it. Summer is the time of vacations, so it only makes sense you’ll feel more freedom in your wings. An opportunity may come to you. Fall will be a more reflective season. Noticing patterns, being after some time again in a similar situation or place, getting more in tune with your intuition. 
Main blessings for you this year 
Longevity (Chrysanthemum) - Productivity (Kent pumpkin) - Hope (Daffodil)
Longevity suggests good health and a lot of energy. For some it may be even about curing a serious illness or surviving a dangerous situation, but obviously I won’t throw such statements lightly. With how we’ve already talked about your growth and nice opportunities during this year, it’s no brainer that you’ll be really productive and have a hopeful attitude.
The main challenge of this year
Ring - Moon - Sun
Commitment to the deep desire of being happy.
Okay, pile one, looks like your main challenge is literally being consistent lol. Literally the only person that can sabotage your huge growth this year is you yourself.
How will you grow? 
8 of Wands R - Justice R - The High Priestess 
After some time of frustration and slowing down, you’ll take full accountability for your actions and take your fate in your own hands. Thanks to this, you’ll be more in tune with your intuition and get more at peace with yourself.
A piece of advice 
Third Quarter Moon - Disseminating Moon - New Moon in Cancer
“Adjustments are required”, “Take time to breathe out”, “You and your loved ones are safe”
Think about what needs small changes. You’ll probably think mostly about what adjustments you should make during spring, as we’ve talked about it, but there’s no reason why you couldn’t do it now. Just take a deep breath and relax a little, it’s gonna be okay, both with you and your close ones, no need to stress out so much.
PILE 2
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What will this year teach you?
The Sun R
This Major Arcana came up in reverse, so it’s more about your inner world. During this year you’ll learn how to take care of your inner child, how to balance optimism with realism and how to have fun with your hobbies that you thought you had buried a long time ago.
The main theme of each season for you
Winter: Cup of Tea (patience, reassessment) - Spring: Autumn (bounty, balance) - Summer: Tend (maintenance, encouragement, guidance) - Fall: Oak Tree (power, courage, strength)
The last card fell out even before I finished asking my question. This year will start slower for you, just to harvest the crops near the end of it. This winter you’ll reconsider what’s the best for you right now, patiently making plans with your interest in mind and seeing the first result of it in spring. Continuous work on it during summer will lead you to feeling way more empowered by the end of 2025. 
Main blessings for you this year
Refinement (Dahlia) - Healing (Geranium) - Duality (Banana)
The last card showed up as I was shuffling, so I consider it the most important one. Balance keeps coming back in this reading. I think healing refers to healing your inner child, and refinement is about getting better at what you already have; progress.
The main challenge of this year
Coffin - Fox - Heart
The end of a selfish love.
It looks like you’ll get over some crush/ex, though it may refer to any kind of love. Moving on will be hard but necessary.
How will you grow?
The Tower R - Two of Cups - Queen of Pentacles
Despite the fear of change, a personal transformation will take place. This will lead to a joyful partnership (a relationship, perhaps) and you being this confident, earthly Queen of Pentacles: a person good at finances and comfortable in their body.
A piece of advice
Void-of-Course-Moon - New Moon in Capricorn - Third Quarter Moon
“Nothing will come of this situation”, “Your hard work is paying off”, “Adjustments are required”
The thing with the end of a relationship of some kind keeps coming back. Nothing will come of it, so time to move on. It’ll only benefit you, pile two! Correct your course a little and act because you’ll reap your rewards.
PILE 3
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What will this year teach you?
The Lovers
2025 will teach you how to make right choices, how to be in harmony with yourself as well as with others. You’ll learn a lot about navigating relationships and getting closer to people.
The main theme of each season for you
Winter: Basil (prosperity, luck, love) - Spring: Seeds (new ideas, hope, open-mindedness) - Summer: Sow (planning, setting intentions, optimism) - Winter: Leaves (reneval, revival, progress)
Winter looks very happy for you - good luck both in money and in love. During spring, you’ll stay open-minded and find new ideas thanks to this. With them in mind, you’ll start making plans and work on them till the end of the year.
Main blessings for you this year
Tranquility (violet) - Clarity (carrot) - Grounding (potato)
A pretty calm, steady vibe. You’ll be able to stay at peace, gain a better perspective on certain matters and be down to earth. Stability and a more mature approach .
The main challenge of this year
Mice - Book - Heart
Misinformation about love.
There’s something you won’t know at first or get a false impression regarding some kind of love. Someone may not have your best interest at heart.
How will you grow?
The Tower R - The Sun R - Knave of Wands
Something is going to end, and this will lead to you withdrawing and thinking more about what you actually want and need. This period of introspection is needed because it will help you to become this Knave of Wands - someone fierce, fiery and passionate. 
A piece of advice
New Moon in Scorpio - New Moon in Pisces - Full Moon in Aquarius
“Work through your fears”, “Meditate and contemplate”, “Show the world the real you”
The cards encourage you to face what you’re running away from. Think, meditate, maybe pray. Everything you need to make it easier for you to show the world what you have to offer.
PILE 4
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What will this year teach you?
The Moon
You’ll get way more in tune with your intuition, as well as learn how to deal with your fears. You’ll mature a lot emotionally. You’ll get better at “reading” people but also at understanding your own patterns.
The main theme of each season for you
Winter: Cup of Tea (patience, reassessment) - Spring: Salt (protection, banishing negativity) - Summer: Earth (peace, grounding) - Fall: Hearth (safety, comfort, spiritual connection)
This year looks to be more on a quieter side. It’ll start off a little lazily. You’ll observe and revalue some things, and decide to leave what doesn’t serve you anymore; cut yourself off from toxic people. Thanks to this, you’ll have a much more peaceful life. You’ll get more in tune with nature, as well as more spiritual. You’ll feel more comfortable thanks to this decision of leaving people and situations that cause you harm.
Main blessings for you this year
Happiness (Marjoram) - Continuance (Apple) - Clarity (Carrot)
This year will be joyful and peaceful. You’ll move on from doesn’t serve you and get a better perspective on what surrounds you.
The main challenge of this year
Book - Birds - Mice
Knowledge about dirty gossip.
The thing with some people you should get rid of because they don’t have your best interest at heart keeps popping up. 
How will you grow?
Queen of Pentacle R - The Fool R - Seven of Cups R
You’ll start putting yourself first more often. It will take some time, but at last you’ll get more financially independent and prioritize your personal values. 
A piece of advice
New Moon in Aquarius - Waning Moon - New Moon in Cancer
“Bring love into the situation”, “What do you need to release?”, “You and your loved ones are safe”
Forgive yourself if there is anything you keep blaming yourself about. Release what doesn’t serve you. Both you and people you love are safe so make more room for the ones who want good for you.
PILE 5
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What will this year teach you?
The Hermit R
The main thing you’ll learn about this year is being alone - depending on your situation, either that you should reflect and meditate more, or that it’s time to finish your solitude and go out to people. Based on other cards, I think for most of you it’s the latter.
The main theme of each season for you
Winter: Broom (energy clearing, freshening) - Spring: Potion (invigoration, empowerment) - Summer: Moon (phases, cycles, intuition) - Fall: Bird (freedom, opportunity)
You’ll start this year with cleansing - both physical and more metaphorical/spiritual. You’ll be very energetic during spring, as well as more in tune with your personal power. You can do so much, and this season will show this! Later, you’ll learn to be more intuitive, you’ll notice some patterns that were hidden before. Something from your past may show up again. Maybe vacations to the place you always come to, or your old friends or love coming back into your life. Some nice opportunities will show up for you in fall.
Main blessings for you this year
Healing (Geranium) - Focus (Stock) - Luck (Lime)
You’ll heal some part of you that was hurt in the past. You’ll find out what you should focus on and actually commit to it. “May the luck be ever in your favor”.
The main challenge of this year
Dog - Man - Clover
A friendly man’s offer.
Now, that’s interesting and can go a few ways.I highly doubt that the man represents you. Your main challenge of the year is this person that will probably give you some kind of opportunity. With how the cards before were, I think it’ll most likely happen either during summer or fall, so the second part of the year. The guy is a kind and loyal one, so don’t worry, the offer, while challenging, will be a good thing.
How will you grow?
Knave of Pentacles - Five of Wands - Queen of Pentacles
I think it’s lovely how you’ll grow from the Knave of Pentacles into the Queen of Pentacles. You’re starting as someone great already, and then become even better lol. You’re hardworking and productive. A challenge will show up, a conflict or disagreement between you and a few people. Probably a rivalry at work. You’ll emerge victorious and stronger than before: a royal who knows their worth and how to deal with earthly matters.
A piece of advice
New Moon in Taurus - Waxing Moon - New Moon in Aries
“Prosperity lies ahead”, “The energy is gaining momentum”, “It’s time to take action”
All the cards talk basically about the same thing: it’s your time. I think it’s about your career or your school. You have strong cards so time to play.
PILE 6
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What will this year teach you?
The Empress
Regardless of your gender, you’ll learn the power that lies within femininity. Who said someone nurturing and empathetic isn’t strong? There are also lessons about utilizing creativity and discovering what makes you beautiful, as well as understanding better your sensual side. For some, this year may also teach you a lot about motherhood.
The main theme of each season for you 
Winter: Oak Tree (power, courage, strength) - Spring: Sage (wisdom, purification, harmony) - Summer: Pine Tree (vitality, longevity, perseverance) - Fall: Summer (expansion, growth)
You’ll start your year strong and then only continue at getting more knowledgeable and in tune with your needs and inner self. You’ll secure what’s important for you and grow even more. Looks like an intense and rewarding year, happy for you! 
Main blessings for you this year
Healing (Geranium) - Success (Peppermint) - Divination (Chives)
Yeah, we get further confirmation this year will be focused on you growing and learning how to nurture yourself. There will be work put into healing the part of you you’ve rejected and a lot of different kinds of successes. The Divination card is interesting. I think it means you’ll learn more about this topic (especially if you practice or think about practicing divination). Maybe you’ll have a spiritual awakening. For some, it’s simply about divination helping you navigate your journey.
The main challenge of this year
Heart - Garden - Moon
A loving community’s desires and expectations.
Social fear is your main challenge for this year. You’re scared of people’s judgement. But worry not, because there is a loving community for you out there, and they’ll love you the way you are. 
How will you grow?
Three of Cups R - The Devil R - Three of Pentacles
You’ll release limiting beliefs and limit contact with people who don’t have your best interest at heart. If you’re lonely, it’ll come to an end. There are people out there with whom you’ll communicate easily and work as a team. You’ll learn a lot from each other and probably do something creative together.
A piece of advice 
Full Moon in Capricorn - Full Moon in Taurus - New Moon in Scorpio
“The end of a tough cycle approaches”, “Your dreams need a practical plan”, “Work through your fears”
Yeah, it looks like it’s been kinda hard for you recently, huh? Well, this is coming to an end. Time to plan your next actions and face your worries. Time to deal with them, you can’t run away from them.
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hairmetal666 · 6 months ago
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It's a fluke that Eddie ends up a gymnast. Wayne only signs him up for summer classes at Hawkins's tumbling gym to burn off his excess six-year-old energy. Nobody, lest of all Eddie or Wayne, expects him to be talented at it.
And now, somehow, he's at his first ever elite gymnastics competition. His coaches all said he was good, but he hadn't really had a frame of reference for what that meant. Not until now. Not until he's in 3rd place after high bar, right behind Steve Harrington.
They tumbled together, as little kids. Steve a tiny boy with an absurd pompadour, monopolizing the mats for insane tumbling passes and lording his high-end competition shirts over the other kids (none of the rest even wore actual gymnastics gear; they were six and it was Hawkins).
Now, he's a swaggering fifteen year old with the same pompadour and bad attitude. They're not on the same rotation, but as Eddie moves on from his floor exercise, Steve makes a point to ram into him.
Eddie doesn't react and maybe that would've been the end of it, but he ends up placing, and Steve corners him in the locker room.
"Come to congratulate me?" Eddie smirks.
"You better watch your back, Munson." Steve shoves him into the lockers.
"I knew you were an asshole, Harrington, but I didn't realize you were a sore loser."
Steve leans close, heat melting into Eddie. "You better count yourself lucky you've gotten this far. Not really a sport for poor kids."
Eddie bristles at this. Yeah, sure, his gear is secondhand, and he and Wayne learned how to sew to mend his competition shirts, gymnastics pants, and warmups, but they work hard, together, for Eddie to do this. "Don't worry about how I afford to be here." Eddie checks him as he brushes past. "Just fix those wobbly flairs on pommel."
The rivalry is hot and fierce and mean, made even worse by the fact that Eddie has an enormous hate-boner for Harrington. It's not, Eddie reasons, his fault. He's gay and surrounded by guys whose bodies are honed for a sport based on strength, endurance, and agility, Steve the most beautiful of all. So he looks, and he longs, and he hates Harrington with every fiber of his being.
Eddie's sure this would continue for their competitive lives, but everything changes the summer before their junior years of high school. They're at a training camp, the kind for world champion, Olympic hopeful types. Steve is practicing ring dismounts when he loses himself in the air, lands hard off the mat, destroys something in his knee. He needs surgery, the recovery time 6-8 months, if he's lucky to be able to compete again.
Maybe a year ago, Eddie would be excited by this development, but now it's kind of devastating. He doesn't bother examining why.
--
Steve comes back and he's--different. His first competition, he comes up, asks, "Eddie, hey, can we talk?" And, well, they've never been on a first name basis before and Steve is so so pretty, so he agrees.
"I just want to say, I'm sorry how I treated you back before. I was a real piece of shit and you never deserved it."
Eddie truly doesn't know how to respond, never foresaw this day coming. "Thanks. Uh--yeah. Thanks."
They stare at each other for a few seconds longer before Steve taps him on the shoulder and walks away.
It's not the only thing that's changed about Steve. There's this big group of feral children that follow him around everywhere now. Apparently, Harrington told them Eddie plays dnd and now they follow him around too.
He also. Has a girlfriend now. She's pretty; delicate looking. Her name is Nancy. And she's nice, or whatever. Eddie definitely isn't jealous. It's just. He's been with Steve in locker rooms for years, and he thought--well, he'd seen the way Harrington's eyes sometimes lingered on a bicep, a well-cut thigh, the intrigue of a pelvic v, and he thought--not that it matters, but he thought--
Anyway, Steve has a girlfriend.
---
They're at the winter classic, when it happens.
Eddie is doing good. Like. Really good. Like his routines, they're not flawless, but he's hitting the big skills and sticking landings, and stays in 2nd throughout the majority of the rotations.
It's not a huge shock when he finishes his final rotation, vault, and winds up finishing in 2nd. What is a shock, though, is that, when the scores go up, Steve is wrapping his arms around Eddie's waist, hoisting him into the sky. And, even after he's back on solid ground, Harrington doesn't loosen his hold.
And it's, like. Nothing, right? It's nothing because he has a girlfriend and, sure, maybe he's bi, but that doesn't stop Nancy from existing.
He's not going to think about it, is the thing. He knows it doesn't mean anything, so he isn't going to dwell. It's definitely not all he thinks about during the podium ceremony, or after when he talks to media, or even later walking into the empty locker room.
Or. He thought it was empty. But Steve is there, smiling, saying "you were amazing out there."
They hug again, and Eddie tries not to enjoy the warmth of Harrington's body, the comforting strength of his toned biceps. Eddie pulls back and Steve is--he's so close, gazing at Eddie's lips and--
Steve's mouth is hot and sweet, like he's wearing cherry chapstick, and Eddie can't--he thinks of Nancy; she's nice, doesn't deserve this, they should stop--
But he's sucking on Steve's tongue and Steve is making the sweetest sounds, hard against Eddie's thigh, and nothing else matters.
---
It goes on for months.
Eddie knows he needs to end it, vows to as soon as they're apart.
It all goes out the window as soon as they're together again. He can't get enough. It's Steve. How is he supposed to resist?
(He needs to. It's horrifying, what they're doing to Nancy)
---
The children who follow Steve around invite him to dinner after the first day of the USA gymnastics championships.
Nancy is there.
It's the worst three hours of his life. He can't look at Steve, can barely speak to him.
Nancy is beautiful and smart and kind and strong. She doesn't deserve any of this.
And when Steve drops by his hotel room hours later, Eddie greets him by saying, "I can't do this anymore."
Steve's shoulders drop, eyes squeezing shut. "Right. Yeah, I--Yeah."
"I like you, Steve. A lot. But I can't--you have a girlfriend. And I can't keep being whatever this is for you."
Steve nods, won't meet his eyes. "You're right. It's not fair to either of you. I--My parents expect--And I--I'm sorry," he whispers the last part.
Eddie smiles, heart aching. "Sweetheart. I get it. But. Figure out your shit, yeah? Maybe then we can talk?"
The smile Steve flashes him is a broken thing. "Maybe. Sure."
And that's it.
Eddie cries himself to sleep that night.
The next day, he wins first in the all-around.
---
He and Steve stop speaking.
Somewhere around, ohh, the very first time they hooked up, he caught feelings. So sue him if it kills him, seeing Steve at every competition.
They don't speak again until the Olympic trials. And isn't that ridiculous? Eddie at the Olympic trials. It's such an insane pipe dream, being an Olympian, that he doesn't actually have any expectations whatsoever.
So knock him over with a feather when he fucking makes it on the team.
And so does Steve.
The announcement rings out, and Steve is there, out of nowhere, pulling Eddie into his arms. And Eddie's so hyped, so excited, that he just shouts and hugs Steve right back.
He pretends the proximity, the musk of Steve's cologne, the tangy saltiness of his sweat, doesn't bother him, doesn't transport him immediately back to Steve's bed.
They're teammates now; he can keep it casual.
Right before they leave for the games, news breaks that Steve and Nancy have broken up.
---
The Team competition at the fucking Olympics is going well. They've had good routines, with no huge errors, stay consistently within the top 5 scores. But then they're on the last rotation, parallel bars, and he's the very last competitor to go. They'll win bronze if he can score above 14.933.
But
He's inconsistent on parallel bars, always has been, something deep and psychological he can't quite let go of, and now their medal chances are all on him.
He salutes the judges, jumps into his starting position--and his mind goes quiet. Muscle memory, skill, years of training take over--he's flawless.
Eddie sticks his dismount, and the place erupts. He doesn't have a score yet, doesn't know if he's done it, but the rest of the team screams like he has.
They pull him into their arms, but Steve is closest, his grip the tightest. Their eyes keep catching, holding, and Eddie can't really breathe but he doesn't think it's the anxiety or the excitement.
The score goes up.
Not only is it high enough for bronze, it puts them in silver.
Eddie has barely a second to process before he's being hoisted into the air, Steve's arms bracing him up. The crowd's going crazy, his teammates screaming and hugging him, each other, but all he sees is Steve beaming up at him.
He's slowly lowered to the ground, Steve's arms still around him. "You were perfect, baby," Steve whispers. "Never seen anyone like you."
He wishes he could stay right there, Steve beaming at him, but they won the silver--they won the silver at the goddamn Olympics--and they have to get medals, do interviews.
They don't have a chance to be alone together until they're back at the Village, where Steve is just waiting in Eddie's room when he gets back.
"Is this okay?" Steve asks. "I wanted to talk to you and Jason let me in, but I can--I'll leave."
"Please don't." Eddie swallows. "Stay."
Steve smiles, a little. "I needed to tell you that I'm sorry for what I did to you and Nancy. It was unfair to both of you. I love her, you know? But she's not who--I'm not in love with her."
"No?"
"No. I thought it would make my parents happy, settling down with a nice girl. But it turned out it didn't actually make a difference to them, who I dated. And she isn't who I wanted to be with."
"I'm proud of you for figuring out what you really wanted. It's brave."
"I wish I could've been brave earlier." He gives a little laugh. "Before I hurt you."
Eddie doesn't know what to say to that. He wishes the same thing.
"Um, which is also why I'm here." Steve plucks at the waistband of his Team USA Nike joggers. "I wanted to see if maybe we could try again? Officially this time?"
Eddie can't keep his smile from taking over his entire face. "Sweetheart, I would love to."
"Yeah?"
And Eddie just--after all this time, he just--pulls Steve into his arms and kisses him. The silver medals, still around both of their necks, clink together with the force, but neither of them really care.
Steve sighs, nuzzles his nose to Eddie's. "Missed you so bad," he whispers. "I'm so sorry."
"Me too," Eddie smiles. "But kiss me a while."
Eventually, they fall back onto Eddie's bed, which makes a horrible noise as their combined weight topples onto it, and they break apart to laugh. Steve smooths back his hair, wrapping a few fingers through his curls to keep Eddie close, even though he's not about to go anywhere.
"Can't believe we made it all the way here." Steve's looking at him like he hung the moon
"Cause we're taking medals home?"
"Honey," he laughs. "Because I'm taking you home."
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hdmsbsna · 1 month ago
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Hiii, me again 🙄
I thought of a Paul x wife, who already have a family, bone a daughter older than 4 years, and a 2-year-old son and a newborn baby🫶🏻
And if you also dare, to do something of smut, also of x actress reader, if you can, I'll leave that free, as you want 🫶🏻
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REQUESTED: i wrote this up last night instead of doing my finals. it was also like 3:00 A.M so if this is shit bare with me😭 this is a really short one though soooo...
pairing: paul mescal x reader (fluff)
warnings: none unless you don't like happiness.
description: reader is managing life with three kids while her husband is gone away for shooting, one more week until he comes back...or so they thought.
word count: 1,499
title: beautiful creations.
paul was gone away at work again, he’s been working on this project for about six months now. it’s been about a month since he was last home, you were used to his crazy schedule having to deal with it for so long but…the kids? they were far from used to it.
you and paul had decided to get married about three years ago. it was quite a small wedding, only family and friends, your eldest daughter, kiara, was about two when the ceremony happened. everyone discouraged you to let kiara come to the wedding considering her age but you guys made sure she was there to share the special moment, she was a part of it after all. 
after a year of being married, you and paul welcomed your second child to the world…a boy. paul named him kieran, and although you weren’t a huge fan of the name at first, you admit it has grown on you. he is now two years old, and he’s such a funny little human. he is a perfect image of how his father is, when him and paul are together it’s pure chaos.
the last time paul was home was actually for the birth of your newest addition, another perfect baby girl. she was born the second week of paul’s stay back. labor with her was extremely difficult, it was unlike any of your other births. thankfully you were able to have paul by your side the whole time and about twelve hours into labor, amelia, your second daughter was born. no complications whatsoever, or at least not for her. 
in my honest opinion, i think being a father was paul’s destiny. those kids are his pride and joy and he is truly an amazing father to the kids, he knows just how to talk to them and care for them. it’s truly incredible and now with three kids you have found that it’s his most attractive quality. when he’s not around, it’s not the same. which is exactly why you’re having to deal with tears from your children at 6:37 in the morning.
“BUT MOMMY I WANT TO SEE DADDY!!” yelled kieran, he may only be two but that has never stopped him from expressing his big feelings.
“you stupid, dad’s working.” your eldest replies, understanding the situation a bit better.
“hey now, kiara. we don’t call people stupid.” you sternly say.
“then why do you call daddy stupid?” she quickly retaliates.
just as you were about to respond, you hear your newborn crying through your baby monitor. you quickly walk upstairs to go get her, you figured she would be hungry so you grab her bottle on your way there. she stops crying and starts fussing once she senses your presence, you pick her up and immediately put the bottle to her mouth. you then walk back out to the kitchen where the kids are still arguing over the absence of your husband. you immediately step in once you hear your daughter call your son a “little bitch”.
“okay okay, that is enough from the both of you!” you raise your voice. “kieran, honey, your dad is going to be back very soon. just one more week, only seven days. go bring me two pieces of paper while i talk to your sister.” kieran leaves with his little frustrated stomps, you then turn your attention to kiara. 
“now kiara, you know we don’t call people names especially not your little brother. what do i tell always say about working as a team?”
“sorry mommy..” kiara says with a small pout. “i just miss daddy so much” you aren’t going to  lie and say that didn’t break your heart a little. all of this arguing and anger because they miss their father, usually it’s never this hard on them. 
“here mommy.” kieran says as he hands you the pieces of paper.
“thank you, sweetie..” you grab the pieces of paper and you hand one out to kiara and kieran. “i want you each to write five things that you love about daddy, understood?”
“yes mommy” kiara responds.
“can i write more than five things?” kieran excitedly asks. 
“you can write as many as you want, as long as there’s five things on that list.” you respond.
“YAY!” kieran yelled. both of them start writing, kieran can’t write very well but he’s still trying. he’s even drawing pictures for the words he can’t write. you look down, almost forgetting your baby girl was still in your arms, her bottle is laying on her chest and she’s just staring at you. you flip her vertically and put a towel on your shoulder as you start to burp her. you roam around the house and up upstairs just walking down the hallway burping her. it’s been about five minutes and she’s completely out, you go into her nursery and lay her in her crib, you set up the baby monitor and decide to just sit there for a little. 
that was until you heard kieran and kiara laughing, you were interested in what they had gotten themselves into so you make your way downstairs. youre at the top of the stairs when you see paul tossing kieran up in the air, he catches your gaze and smiles. he sets kieran down back on the floor.
“hey baby girl, im home.” he says smiling. you start walking down the stairs and give him a hug, you slightly pull away to give him a peck.
“EWWWW!” your children yell in unison.
“what? am i not allowed to love your beautiful mom?” the kids just giggle and you pull away from the hug. you’re on the side of him with his arm wrapped around your waist.
“DADDY! LOOK!” kieran yells as he starts doing cartwheels around the kitchen and eventually going into the living room. “wow bud, that’s amazing!” paul says. kiara comes stands next to us. “i taught him how to do them daddy.” kiara looks up at her daddy, expecting some praise.
“well you did an amazing job sweetie” he says as he reaches down to pick her up, one arm still wrapped around you and the other holding kiara. 
eventually kieran’s cartwheels come to a halt and he’s found himself extremely dizzy, tumbling and falling as he heads towards us. you walk away from paul’s arms and go to pick him up, “mommy my head..” kieran says clearly not feeling well. “yep buddy that’s what happens when you do too many cartwheels” paul says as he goes to sit on the couch with kiara. you go ahead and sit on the couch as well right next to him, you sit kieran next to paul and he climbs onto his lap right where kiara is. both children is his lap, you admire them for a bit. 
all of a sudden, you hear a static cry coming from the baby monito that you set on the counter. “oop, look at that. she senses you’re here.” you say as you walk upstairs to go retrieve the last of the bunch. you walk into her nursery and pick her up from her crib, her crying immediately stopping. you walk downstairs with her and sit on the couch right next to paul, holding your baby in your arms. kiara moves off his lap and sits on the other side next to him. “here bud, im going to carry your little sister for a tad okay?” paul says, moving kieran to stand on the floor. he reaches over for his baby and you happily hand her to him. you outreach your arms to kieran so he can sit on your lap, he opens his arms and you grab him as he nuzzles his head into your chest. he’s clearly tired from all those cartwheels he had just done not but five minutes ago.
paul speaks “gosh we really did make some beautiful children, didn’t we?”
“the most beautiful.” you respond turning your head up to him, he looks down a perks his lip and you kiss him. you look over at kiara and she passed out on paul’s arms, all three of your babie now fast asleep. 
“you’re such an asshole, you know that right?” you tell him with a playful smile on your face.
“i wanted it to be a surprise.” he says nonchalantly.
“the kids were having such a rough time without you.” you inform him.
“god, if only they knew how i was doing. i’ve missed you guys so much, especially you my gorgeous.” he says.
“i’ve missed you too, baby” you say resting your head on his shoulder, he reaches his lips down and gives you a kiss on the top of your head.
“i’m taking you guys everywhere with me from now on.” he whispers.
“that’s the best idea you've ever had, i love you so much.” you whisper back, letting a yawn out.
“i love you so much, baby girl.”
hope you guys enjoyed this, decided to keep it short and sweet. requests and dms are opened, feel free to get in touch. love you all!
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muniimyg · 1 month ago
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⋆𐙚₊˚⊹ chaebol!jungkook (5 years later) ⋆𐙚₊˚⊹
series m.list //
note: YES i’ve resurrected bro from the dead. HAHAHAHA. enj !!!
//
truth be told, jin knew about the affair
he knew it before the panties incident when jungkook stormed downstairs looking for you
he knew it before jungkook bought you the car
he knew it the first time it happened
he figured it out the night of the proposal, after you said yes
it’s fucked up—he knows. but what’s more fucked up is the fact that jin never cheated on you the entire time
not with his secretary or his assistant or whoever else that worked closely with him. actually, he had a plan
he was setting up a company halfway across the world
halfway across from jungkook
it was difficult though. he did it without his parents/family connections and had to work long nights and even had to sacrifice weeks with out you. even your wedding night… which he knew, you’d go running to jungkook
but he loved you regardless and what’s a few times with jungkook for a lifetime with jin?
again, it’s fucked up.
he knows.
6 months into your marriage is when he tells you that you two will be moving away to start anew
he tells you abt the company and the new connections he’s been making,, telling you that this is your new start together
in a way, he’s telling you this is your second chance
so you take it
you and jin pack your bags, empty your penthouse, and leave everything behind
jungkook is left in the dark
no call, no text, no more contact
he only hears about jin’s new startup through the media and throws everything inside his penthouse like it’s worth nothing
then, he even managed to find a way into your penthouse. he had to see it for himself. when he did, all he saw was the empty space and the divorce papers he had gifted you 6 months ago on the kitchen island
they’re blank
you didn’t sign them. jin didn’t sign them… but they’re left here and it was obvious what and who you had chosen
it wasn’t him
was it ever him?
jungkook almost died from heartache
he didn’t know what to do and went through 5 therapist in 1 month
each one said (but didn’t really say) that he was fucked up
fine.
he’s fucked up.
but he loves you and he didn’t have it in him to fly to where you are or to look for you anymore
truth be told
he was tired too.
5 years later, jungkook and his fiancée are strolling around cornelia street
she’s looking for a wedding dress and had dragged him along
honestly? jungkook could give less of a shit
he only proposed to her because their families were in agreement and her face is decent enough for him to cum to when they fuck
she’s nice too so that’s good
but he’s miserable
it’s to the point where he isn’t even sure if he misses you anymore or if he just misses wanting to want to wake up and having a reason to
he used to wake up and live for you
now?
now he can barely breathe
now he gets up in the near the afternoon and listens to his fiancée yap about her morning pilates class, fucks her, takes a shower, and heads to work
but for some reason, as they talk together today, jungkook feels the pit of his stomach flip
then, he sees something
rather, someone
it’s…
jin
jin and a little boy, holding hands and laughing together
he rubs his eyes
yeah.
that’s jin alright
“babe, do you know them?”
jungkook clears his throat, “old friend. old competitor”
“oh.. do you want to go say hi? i can go check on the alterations. come by when you’re done, ok?”
his fiancée kisses his cheek and heads the other way
meanwhile, jungkook fights his inner demons
fuck.
what is he supposed to do? talk to jin? ask why the sudden move? because why?
because he wasn’t done fucking jin’s wife?
fuck.
it’s so stupid
but before he knows it, he’s out of breath running to jin and the little boy
“jungkook?”
he freezes
“jin… hi”
“hey! man, wow! it’s so nice to see you. how have you been?”
jungkook swallows. “i’ve been okay. it’s been a while—“
“daddy,” the little boy whines. “i need to pee!”
jungkook looks down and stares wt the kid. he has newly cut hair. his cheeks are puffy—the same kind of puffy jin has.
then, jungkook looks at his eyes..
his lips…
his nose
it’s all yours
“seojun,” jin picks him up and points at jungkook. “this is mommy’s friend. say hi”
“hi mommy’s friend”
jungkook feels dizzy
“how old is he?”
“he’s 3” jin says, voice stern leaving no room for doubts. “___ and i wanted to enjoy being married and work on our marriage before having kids.. it was needed and well… we’re really happy”
jungkook nods
okay
so the kid isn’t his…
“is she… here?”
jin shakes his head
“she’s visiting her parents. we’re giving them some time to bond since we haven’t been back in 5 years…“
“yeah it’s been a while,” jungkook sighs. “how is she doing?”
jin smiles warmly. half heartedly prepared to answer jungkook and half heartedly a little amused by his audacity
“well, she’s over the morning sickness and started waddling like a penguin so—“
“she’s what?”
“she’s pregnant with our second,” jin beams. “isn’t that right, seojun? you’re gonna be a big brother!”
seojun giggles
“little sister yay!”
jungkook swallows again
“it’s a girl?”
jin nods, “yeah. we’re over the moon. truly have everything now”
jungkook’s breath hitches
for a moment, he feels pure jealousy
jin is living the life that should be his. it feels unfair and like fucking betrayal. he feels like his heartache could burn the city down—
“are you really mommy’s friend?” seojun asks, tugging on jungkook’s hand
jungkook blinks
then, he kneels down and levels with seojun
as he looks into your son’s eyes, he can’t help but feel a tightness in his chest
this could’ve been his and yours
but as seojun smiles, jungkook sees it
he looks like jin
it’s like all your features melted away and the truth is revealed… he doesn’t look like you. he’s a carbon copy of jin, his father
for the nth time, jungkook can’t breathe
he suddenly recalls the night you two fucked on yours and jin’s bed and how you cried right after saying you guys can’t be friends
and how he felt ,, thinking that he’d wait for your love forever
but this is it
this is what he had waited for the entire time
beingf face to face with your son—your love…
he has no other choice but to surrender
he has no other choice but to accept what had happened
he has no other choice but to be happy for you
he has no other choice but to set himself free
but it still hurts
and the pain grows much deeper than ever…
this is it
the ending to you and him for real
it’s been over for years but now it feels like it’s finally truly done
jungkook doesn’t realize his eyes were teary
quickly, he sniffs and ruffles your sons hair
“yeah, buddy… we were good friends but we’re even better as strangers”
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fullfriendnerdclutch · 10 months ago
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Richard actually preferred to spent his Spring Break lounging around his quaint and peaceful university town. But, since his Uncle drove all the way down to pick him up unannounced, simply because Richard is in the same state now, not like he could just shush that man away so he lazily packed his bag and hit the road with the 43 years old hulk of a DILF
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They didn't talk much throughout the long trip into the farmland as Richard pretended to fall asleep before eventually really falling asleep on the way there. But he's dead wrong to assume that his Uncle is unaware of his avoidance. In fact, that very attitude is the sole reason why his Uncle came all the way down to pick him up. It's time to mold Richard into the perfect Dawson boys, and Spring Break provides the best timeline in order for Richard to hit his final alteration right during summer
When the pair arrived at the sprawling farm, Richard realized how stinking rich his family must be with all these acres of land under their possession. It's been more than a decade since he last visited the family farm, but clearly this visit will leave him with the memory about the family farm much more clearly. His uncle let him rest for the remainder of the day, he even fell asleep right after his quick dinner and cleaning himself. But Richard didn't expect that he needs to do some hard labour the following morning!
"Your cousin Adam is spending some time with his sickly wife while Steve took off for the entirety of this Spring Break to spend time with his kids. So I need your help, boy,"
"Wait, Adam is married?"
"Yes, a year ago, don't you remem--- oh yeah, you were on your gap year trip,"
The tone his uncle used irked Richard a bit, gap year trip, but he let it go. His mind is focused on the fact that Adam is the same age as him, and he's married? At 20? 19 if he considered the fact it happened a year ago.....what a totally different life the two of them have. His uncle snapped Richard's out of his mind as he told the pale, gangly-looking Richard to put on the boots before helping him around the farm and the ranch. Richard at first doubted that he could fit into the boots, but somehow it fits him just right. So, off he goes with his uncle
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Day after day, the routine remained the same. He will wake up at around 5 or 6 AM, have his loaded breakfast and head out with his uncle. He surprisingly found himself enjoying the routine, he even started to address his Uncle with "Sir" and cooked the breakfast for the two. He simply didn't notice the change in his reflection on how his skin tanned on its own, how his form straightened rather than hunched per usual, how all his clothings somehow altered to solely consist of black t-shirt, jeans and some plaid shirt and he just didn't bother to ask his uncle for the whereabouts of his other clothing. He also failed to notice how his uncle has been subliminally planting in his subconsciousness that he enjoyed working in the farm, that he preferred to be called Dick since Richard sounded too posh for him, that Dick has always been interested with farming and the idea to continue the family's business, that Dick wanted to recruit some good trusted friends of his to join the family's business and how he needs to pivot to study about agriculture or farming in uni.....well, scratch that, he will probably drop out later in the summer and learn better about farming or agriculture by working with his Uncle.
Imagine the surprise his roommates got when Richard went back from his Spring Break 30 lbs heavier and looking like a Southern farm stud with his outfit and the way he got this drawl out of nowhere. And he apparently have a souvenir too for them
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"Got these from my Uncle, now, try to put these babies on and tell me how it feels,"
---
Fast forward to summer, not only Dick really followed through with his drop out plan, he brings along his now much-more fitting roommate to join him in the farm
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Hey there, a bit rushed with this execution but hope it's still an enjoyable read
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imaginespazzi · 6 months ago
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Part 3: Miss Me, Miss Me Not
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Masterlist - Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 4 - Part 5 - Part 6 - Part 7 - Part 8 - Part 9 - Part 10 - Part 11 - Part 12 - Part 13
And it hits me when the lights go on (shit, maybe I miss you)
(In which a lazy writer somehow still manages to make her deadlines, much to her own shock)
Pairing: Paige Bueckers X Azzi Fudd
Themes: Angst, Pining and a teensy bit of Fluff
Words: 5.8K
TW: Swearing (once again I think that's it?)
A/N: Hello my lovelies <3 I'm not gonna lie til about an hour ago, I very much did not think I was gonna give y'all a Monday update but here we are! A couple of housekeeping things, I went back and added months to the years so hopefully that's more helpful. I lowkey dislike this part but I felt like the fic needed it and I'm excited to write the next part. Ngl, the editing on this is pretty nonexistent because trying to read this back lowkey killed me so please feel free to point out mistakes so I can fix them. As always, let me know what you liked, and disliked and anything you wanna see going forward. I really appreciate all of y'alls feedback and the long reviews make my day! Have a good rest of your week lovies <3
September 2017
Azzi: just got home :) 
It’s a simple text and it should be easy for Paige to conjure up an equally simple reply. Instead she finds herself typing and deleting, over and over, because nothing sounds quite right. There’s this hollow feeling thrumming in her chest, that has only gotten stronger every passing minute since she’d said goodbye to Azzi at the airport. If she tries hard enough, she can still feel the remnants of their last hug lingering against every inch of her skin. She wants to memorize that feeling and create a blanket out of its threads to numb the ice cold shiver that’s been repeatedly running through her veins from the second Azzi had gotten on that plane. But even that might not be enough. Not when she’s learnt just how warm Azzi’s presence can be and how everything else pales in comparison. 
Paige lies to herself that it’s an accidental slip of her fingers, that she’d meant to press send not call, that she had every intention of hanging up the facetime on the first ring itself. 
But then Azzi picks up on the second one.
And really it would be rude to hang up. 
“Hey what’s up?” Azzi’s face fills the screen, tired eyes staring intently at Paige through the screen. 
“Oh um-” Paige fumbles for words, awkwardly shuffling her feet that are dangling off the side of her bed, “I just wanted to ask how your flight was?”
Azzi raises an eyebrow, “you couldn’t have texted me that?”
“Too tired to text,” Paige lies and the words i just wanted to hear your voice stay stuck, burning hot, in her throat, “gotta save these money-making fingers for more important things.”
“Yeah I’m hanging up-”
“NO-” it comes out far more forceful than it should and if possible, Azzi’s eyebrow shoots up even farther, as Paige clears her throat, “I mean- uh- you didn’t tell me how your flight was.”
Paige is too busy cringing at herself to notice the light blush that tinges Azzi’s cheeks. She’s too busy wondering why this girl brings out this nervous bumbling side of hers to notice the fond smile that almost cracks through Azzi’s lips. 
“The flight was okay. I actually got to sleep this time,” Azzi says pointedly and Paige laughs. 
“So what you’re saying is it was boring as hell.”
“I’m saying it was really peaceful not having someone yapping in my ear while I was trying to sleep.”
“So you didn’t miss me?” Paige presses, trying to keep her voice teasing despite how desperately she wants the admission. 
Azzi hesitates, as if she’s debating with herself, before, “I didn’t say that.”
It’s a little ridiculous how large Paige’s grin is but it’s okay, because Azzi’s smiling back, soft and shy. They’d look foolish to anyone else, the way they’re so intently gazing at each other through a screen as if there’s no barrier between them at all. 
“It’s gonna be weird going to the gym without you tomorrow morning,” Paige confesses after a second, moving to lay down on her stomach. 
“I bet. You’re gonna get absolutely nothing done without me,” Azzi teases dramatically before her eyes soften, “it’s weird that I’m not gonna see you at all tomorrow.”
There’s something gut-wrenching about that admission and yet, there’s something in it that heals a part of Paige’s heart that she hadn’t even known needed to be fixed. It means something to her that Azzi must feel it too. Because if she’s honest with herself, Paige had been just a little afraid that maybe the connection was just in her head, that maybe Azzi was simply tolerating her presence out of kindness. 
“You should just move to Minnesota,” Paige replies finally, “much nicer than Virgina or whatever.”
“Have you ever even been to Virginia?” Azzi asks, eyebrows raised as she flips herself to lie on her back, holding her phone above her in a way that lets Paige see entirely too much and yet not nearly enough. 
“No but it sounds boring as fuck.”
“Not with me,” Azzi says, biting her bottom lip sheepishly as soon as the words are out. 
Paige smirks, suddenly filled with a brand new confidence, “yeah? You’d make Virgina interesting for me Fudd? What would we do?”
Azzi licks her lips and Paige feels her mouth go dry. 
“We’d be together,” the younger girl says finally, averting her gaze as the depth of her words begin to make Paige feel like she’s being flooded by an ocean of emotions she’s not quite ready to feel yet, “anything can be interesting if we’re together.”
It would be so easy to come up with a sarcastic quip or tease Azzi for being a sap and yet there’s a certain sincerity in this moment that feels too fragile for Paige to feign nonchalance. 
“Is Virginia nice in the winter?” she asks finally, hands fidgeting with the hair ties secured around her wrist, “Minny’s a little too cold sometimes.”
Azzi’s eyes shine and Paige wants to try and read them, find the little clues hidden in her irises and solve the mystery lingering behind the crimson flush of her cheeks. But the truth is that Paige is a little scared of what she’d find, a little scared that discovering Azzi might mean discovering herself too. 
“You should come find out some time,” the brunette says, casual tone filled with intricacies of something far deeper. It’s the closest they’ve gotten to saying anything of actual substance and they tip-toe around saying what they both want, daring the other to ask first. 
“I dunno,” Paige says, determined to win the game, “I’m not in the habit of showing up to places without a proper invite.”
Azzi scoffs, “a proper invite? Are you expecting someone to send you a carrier pigeon with a gold letter addressed to her royal highness or something?”
“That would be nice,” Paige surmises and Azzi rolls her eyes.
“Does your back ever hurt from carrying that ego?”
“Only hurts from carrying my team.”
“Oh my god you’re so full of it.”
“Full of talent? Yessirrrr.”
Azzi huffs, “Paige.”
“Azzi,” Paige hums. 
“Do you wanna come visit me in Virginia during winter break?” Azzi says finally, a small smile playing on her lips like she’s okay with losing this game as long as it’s to Paige. 
“If I must,” Paige says dramatically, shrugging her shoulders and everything as Azzi lets out an offended squeak. But inside, her heart flutters at the offer, at the idea of seeing Azzi again, even if it feels like a lifetime away. Because as long as it’s Azzi on the other side, Paige and her impatient self can wait however long it takes. 
“Actually you know what nevermind, you don’t gotta come,” Azzi concedes bitterly,  scrunching her face (and Paige would never tell her this but she thinks Azzi looks just a little too cute when she’s mad and so maybe she riles her up on purpose)
“No takesies backsies Az,” Paige sing-songs before her lips uptick from a smirk into something more sincere, “hey Az,” she whispers, giggling to herself when Azzi pretends to ignore her, “I’d really like to come see you in Virginia during winter break.”
And as a brilliant grin dazzles across Azzi’s face, Paige realizes that her favorite thing about Azzi’s smile isn’t when her dimples show or when her eyes twinkle, it’s when it’s there because of Paige, when it’s there just for Paige. 
“Good,” Azzi whispers as they fall into a comfortable silence. 
There’s this serene sense of calm that laces itself around Paige’s nerves. Her normally fidgeting body is content to be perfectly still, an anomaly to her usual demeanor. The truth is that Paige isn’t the kind of person who’s okay with just existing; she likes to spend every second in motion, living out the high. There’s a part of her that’s scared of missing moments, scared that the people around her will leave her behind if she doesn’t chase them. But it’s different with Azzi. The younger girl makes Paige feel like it’s okay if she takes a moment to just breathe. Because Azzi will wait. Because Azzi won’t leave Paige behind. 
“Wait,” it’s a little while before Azzi pipes up, shaking Paige out of her thoughts, “what time is it?”
Paige’s eyes flicker to the time on her phone, confused by the line of questioning, “it’s almost 9 why?”
“Don’t you have a team party or something to go to tonight?” Azzi asks, face scrunching, “I swear you told me you had something tonight.”
“Oh-yeah- Amaya’s back to school thing,” Paige sheepishly scratches her neck, suddenly feeling itchy in her flannel shirt. She’d forgotten she was wearing that instead of her daily clothes. Hell, she’d forgotten she was supposed to be going somewhere in the first place, too occupied with other thoughts. 
“Bro get up,” Azzi orders, “you’re already late.”
“Nah it’s fine. I don’t think I’m gonna go,” Paige says and she thinks she should probably feel a little more guilty about it. 
“What do you mean you’re not gonna go?” Azzi asks in disbelief, “dude you’re the star of the team. You have to go.”
“Amaya will understand besides-” Paige drags in a deep breath, feeling vulnerable as the next words fall out in a quiet whisper, “I don’t wanna hang up yet.”
“Paige c’mon we can talk tomorrow,” Azzi tries to protest but it’s half-hearted at best.
“I wanna talk right now,” Paige argues, “you don’t wanna talk to me?”
For a second Paige thinks Azzi might just say no, might just chip away a little bit of heart with a well-intentioned rejection, but she doesn’t, “always wanna talk to you P.”
“Then don’t hang up. Talk to me.”
And Azzi does. All night. 
Two weeks laters there’s a letter, in an envelope with a picture of a carrier pigeon, that arrives in the Bueckers’ mail box. 
To her royal highness, 
Unfortunately I couldn’t find an actual carrier pigeon (I swear I tried) so this envelope and the mailman will have to do. 
~ You are formally invited this winter break to the Fudd family residence in Virginia. ~
(And you better show up Bueckers)
Yours, 
Azzi
February 2033
“I can’t believe you’re leaving me,” Ice whines petulantly as she makes herself comfortable on the couch across from where Paige is getting her makeup done, “this is parental neglect.”
Paige laughs, eyes closed, her makeup artist does her mascara, “you’ll survive.”
“You don’t know that” Ice argues, plucking a grape from the fruit basket before segueing into a rant about how boring Arlington, Texas is. 
Paige is grateful for the distraction her younger friend is providing. Her nerves had been on edge since the moment she’d woken up this morning, anxious to get the impending farewell press conference over with. She’d already started accepting that the Wings weren’t the right place for her but that feeling had only been heightened by her trip to the Valkyries. And ever since she’s come back, Paige feels a little bit like she’s sleepwalking through her final moments in Dallas. If she’s honest, she’s probably rushing things a little bit. There’s still plenty of time before she really has to move to Oakland but it had been her choice to move there as soon as possible. Paige had always been good at conjuring excuses and she had plenty as to why she needed to be in California so soon. But at the end of the day it isn’t about training or team bonding or any of the other hundred justifications she’s given anyone who’s asked. It’s about a little girl who’s eyes had been brimming with tears when saying goodbye, a little girl who had made Paige pinky swear that she’d be back as soon as possible. 
Really, Paige thinks she should be applauded for her restraint, because truth be told, the second Stephie’s lower lip had trembled, Paige had been prepared to ask Ice to just ship her stuff to Oakland so that she’d never have to let go of the little girl’s hand. 
And here’s the thing, Paige is willing to admit she wants to go back to the Bay Area for Stephie. It’s that pesky little part of her that’s desperate to go back for Stephie’s mother, to go back for one more hesitant yet lingering touch, that she won’t ever share with anyone else. 
“I never thought I’d live to see you and Azzi willingly playing together again,” Ice says as soon as Paige’s makeup artist leaves the room, “KK and I didn’t even try betting on it, we were that sure it wouldn’t happen. Shit I should have. I totally would have won.”
“Don’t y’all get tired of betting on my life?” Paige asks, rolling her eyes, trying to ignore the first part of what Ice said. 
“Betting on your life has made me hundreds of dollars bro,” Ice says, before a more earnest  look crosses her face, “but genuinely P, are you sure about this? There’s a lot of history there.”
Paige sighs, “it’s not about our history. It’s a basketball decision. And we’re both mature adults who know that. I’m just tryna win. Nothing else.”
“It’s never nothing when it comes to you two.”
“It is this time,” Paige argues adamantly and Ice raises her hands in surrender. 
“I just don’t want another set of teammates to have to deal with y’alls bullshit,” the younger girl teases, but it’s laced with a hint of seriousness that sends a flare of guilt shooting through Paige’s body. 
“Ice-” she begins.
But Ice is quick to change to a lighter subject, “can’t believe Jana’s the one that gets mom and dad back together. I always knew she was the favorite.”
“We didn’t have favorites,” Paige plays along, thankful for Ice and her ability to always keep the tension to a bare minimum. 
“Oh don’t lie. We all know you did,” Ice scoffs and then lets out a chuckle, “and now Azzi’s actually a mom. That’s kinda insane. And you met the kid right?”
“Yeah. Yeah I did,” Paige says and she can’t help the way her entire face breaks into a gleaming smile as her thoughts turn into memories of Stephie. She doesn’t even realize she’s gotten lost in a different world until Ice coughs, an amused grin playing on her lips. 
“You’re so royally fucked Paige,” Ice shakes her head, “the only person I’ve seen you smile that big for before is Azzi.”
“She’s a cute, smart, adorable kid, that’s why I’m smiling,” Paige tries to defend herself. 
“She’s Azzi’s cute, smart, adorable kid,” Ice counters. 
“That has nothing to do with it,” Paige protests again but it rings hollow to her own ears.
“Oh my god I needa call KK and get this bet started. It’s only a matter of time for real,” Ice says, more to herself than to Paige, as she whips out her phone, probably texting KK. 
“A matter of time till what?”
“You’ll find out Paigey,” Ice says gravely with a mocking smile, patting Paige’s head, “all in due time.”
***
The Dallas Wings media room is buzzing, reporters desperate to ask Paige questions and the blonde tries to maintain a smile despite the fact that her heart is lurching in her throat right now. Her opening speech had been short and sweet, parroting basically the same thing that had gone out on her social media the night before; she’d been desperate to just get it out. Generally, Paige is pretty good with the media, having been immersed in the spotlight since basically forever. The attention and how to maneuver it has always come naturally to her so she’s not sure why she feels so unnerved by it all today.  From the back of the media room, Ice sends her a thumbs up and a reassuring grin and Paige lets out a breath, glad to have at least that comforting presence with her. 
“Aidrian Ginsburger with Bleacher Report, Paige, you’ve obviously spent all of your career so far with the Wings, can you tell us a little bit about the impact this organization has had on you?”
Paige smiles at the question, letting her brain skim through pages and pages of fond memories she has of time spent with this team. It might be time to move on but that doesn’t mean she doesn’t have plenty of cherished moments. 
“Yeah um- this place has really shaped who I am as a person. Since day one, the front office, obviously it’s a different one to the one I came in with, they did a lot to make sure that I was comfortable. My teammates through the years have been incredible and I wouldn’t be the player I am today without them. And of course the fans you know, they always showed out for the team, for me. Always supported me in anyways and I hope that I was able to give back the love to them that they always gave to me,” she says, suddenly nostalgic for the team that had started it all. 
The next questions are similar in nature and Paige’s answer varies only in words but not substance. She feels herself start to settle into it, now fielding the expected questions about the Wings and Valkyries with an air of confidence. There are a couple questions about Azzi that make her heart thump, but that was to be expected. It’s a pretty brilliant story in the making, two MVPs who used to play on the same college team coming together. Talia had warned Paige in advance that there was no avoiding it. But for the most part the questions have an easy answer about how Azzi’s a brilliant player and she’s excited to play with her old friend again. That is until a familiar hand shoots up and all the tension that had previously dissipated, comes roaring back with a vengeance. 
“Olivia Reynolds with the Dallas Morning News, Paige, as others have said today, you and Azzi Fudd played together at UConn and you were best friends.” Olivia’s eyes glint viciously, “I mean it’s pretty well documented how hard you tried to recruit her to UConn. But despite being best friends, the two of you have been never seen hanging out, outside of games and formal events, unlike your other teammates that is-”
“Is there a point to this?” Paige asks, hands fisting in her lap as she tries to keep herself calm. 
Olivia smiles, sugary sweet, “I was just wondering if maybe there was some tension and how that would affect your on-court chemistry at the Valkyries?”
“There’s no tension,” Paige lies through gritted teeth, “we didn’t hang out because we live far apart. There isn’t much else to it. And even if there was, Azzi and I are professionals. We wouldn’t let anything off the court affect our goal to win.”
“You lived far apart before UConn too, but that didn’t seem to stop you guys. What changed?” Olivia presses.
“Time did. Our lives did. There’s nothing sensational here. It’s just a case of two people drifting apart,” Paige says and the fabrication feels heavy on her tongue. If only it really had been that simple. 
“But clearly not that much,” Olivia says, and Paige glances at the moderator, desperate for an intervention, “there were plenty of fan pictures of the two of you out getting ice cream with Azzi’s daughter. It seems like you’re already fitting into that Bay Area life-”
“I’m not hearing a question at the end of your sentence,” Paige hisses and she can practically already hear the scolding she’s going to get from Talia once her agent gets wind of how this press conference had gone. The entire media cohort is watching the exchange with wide eyes, no doubt questioning whether they were embarrassed or impressed by their colleague. Ice is mouthing something to Paige, probably something along the lines of please keep your shit together, but Paige is steaming. Really, she should have expected this. 
“Well if you’d let me finish,” Olivia snarls, the façade of innocence dropping, “even if the two of you have drifted, as you put it, clearly there’s still a relationship there. How big of a role did Azzi Fudd play in your choice to move to the Valkyries?”
Paige sucks in a deep breath, nails digging into her palm at the question, “Azzi is the best shooting guard in the country. That was her role in my decision to move to the Valkyries. I don’t know what else you’re trying to imply, but I want to play with her because we play well together. That’s it,” she stands up and there’s pin drop silence, “thank you all for coming but we’re done with this press conference. 
***
Paige is seething as she exits the media room, Ice hot on her heels trying to calm her down. The sane part of her knows she should head back to the makeup room or even to her car, instead she finds her feet carrying her in the direction of where she knows Olivia Reynolds will be, reviewing her press conference notes by the coffee machine like she always is. 
“What the actual fuck was that?” Paige spits as she comes to a halt in front of the reporter. 
“I know you think playing basketball is the only job in the world Paige, but that was a reporter doing her job,” Olivia says, her calm and composed voice only furthering Paige’s irritation. 
“Bull-fucking-shit.” Paige sneers, “that wasn’t a reporter out there, that was my ex-wife grilling me like we were back in fucking divorce court.”
Olivia cocks her head, “oh so you do remember who I am to you then?”
“Oliv-”
“Because if you did remember, I’d like to think you’d have the courtesy to at least personally tell me that you were moving to your,” she drops her voice, “ex-girlfriend’s team instead of letting me find out with the rest of the world. You don’t think you owed me that?”
“That’s what this is about?” Paige sighs, “Olivia we’ve been divorced for almost three years now, I don’t owe you-”
“You didn’t owe Azzi anything either,” Olivia whisper-yells, the calm in her voice replaced by the same anger that had tainted the last year of their marriage, “but when we first started dating, you kept us a secret for months. You wouldn’t even tell your fucking teammates cause you were so scared she’d find out,” her eyes drift towards Ice who looks like she wishes she’d made a different decision rather than following Paige out here, “you said she deserved to hear it from you but apparently I don’t-’
“I didn’t mean it like that Olivia. Look, I meant what I said up there. There’s nothing between- ”
“Spare me,” Olivia says, as she stuffs her notepad into her bag, “you can lie to all those other reporters out there about how all of this is a basketball decision. You can even lie to yourself if you want. But you can’t lie to me, not when I spent four years fighting to keep our relationship from getting crushed under whatever it is that Azzi is to you.”
***
It doesn’t matter how far Paige burrows her head into her pillows, she can’t seem to stop herself from hearing Olivia’s words reverberating through her ears. The two of them had done well at co-existing in their social circles after the divorce had been finalized. While no one could quite call them friends, they’d done a good job at being friendly, being able to converse and share an occasional drink when in their combined friend group. And if Paige is honest, she knows she’s fucked up, knows she probably did owe Olivia a call. But calling Olivia would have meant calling someone who would inevitably make Paige face the truth, just like she had today. The truth that, even with the deal Talia had concocted with the Liberty hanging in the background like a dark presence, the move to the Valkyries was about a lot more than just basketball for Paige. 
She’s so entrenched in her thought that she doesn’t bother checking who it is when the facetime rings, irritation seeping into her voice as she answers it, face still buried in her pillows, “WHAT?”
“Miss Buecks?” a tiny voice comes through the phone and for a second, Paige thinks she must be dreaming, until she finally lifts her head to look at her phone, and Stephie’s small face lights up the whole screen. And it’s like she can feel little hands on her shoulders, slowly unknotting her tightened muscles. 
“Stephie,” she breathes out, a sudden sense of serene calm washing over her previously tense body. 
“Hi Miss Buecks,” Stephie says happily before she squints at the screen, “you sleep weird.”
Paige laughs, “and why’s that?”
“You’re not wearing pajamas and it’s only seven. ‘Dults don’t sleep at seven,” Stephie says matter-of-factly. 
“It’s actually nine here,” Paige says, a little surprised by the time; she hadn’t realized she'd been moping in her bed for that long. Ice had forced her to get lunch together, not wanting to leave Paige alone after the encounter with Olivia. Once she’d finally gotten back to her apartment, Paige had flopped on her bed, taking out her frustrations on her poor pillow. 
“That’s not poss-ble,” Stephie scrunches her face, “Mama’s phone says it’s seven.”
“It’s seven in California, it’s nine in Texas,” Paige tries to explain though by the way Stephie’s looking at her, she thinks she’s probably just confusing the girl more, “how’d you figure out how to call me babe?”
Stephie gives her an exasperated look, “Miss Buecks I’m five. I know how to use facetime.”
“And does your Mama know you're facetiming me?” Paige asks, eyebrows raised.
“She’s in the shower,” Stephie whispers, grinning sheepishly. 
As if on cue, Azzi appears on the corner of the screen and Paige feels her mouth run dry. The darker skinned woman is clad in a light pink fluffy bathrobe that ends right above her knees, giving Paige the perfect view of her long, toned legs that seem to shimmer despite the shitty quality of the facetime. Rivulets of water cling to her neck, delicately cascading down the valley of her breasts before disappearing from sight. And Paige must be dehydrated because never has she wanted to taste a drop of liquid more than she does right now. 
“Stephie,” Azzi groans, as she walks towards the phone and Paige gulps, heart beating faster with every step the other woman takes, everything about her becoming clearer and clearer, “what did I say about using my phone.”
“Only in em-a-gencies,” Stephie recites, “but Mama I had an em-a-gency.”
Azzi tilts her head, eyebrows raised as she gives her daughter a knowing look, “and what was your emergency?”
“I really, really, really, this much” Stephie stretches out her hands as far as they’ll go,  really, really, really, miss Miss Buecks.”
Paige feels her heart flutter. Stephie’s words feel like a hand carefully pulling her out from under the pile of stress she’d been buried under the whole day. It’s like the little girl is pushing away the rubble pressing against her lungs, turning the rocks into dust with a light touch and Paige feels like she can finally breathe. 
“Sounds like a pretty big emergency to me,” she says, relishing the way Stephie’s face lights up at the admission, “cause I really, really, really miss you too Steph.”
“See Mama,” Stephie says, placing the phone against a wall so can place her hands on her hips and look up at Azzi with a pleased smirk. 
Azzi rolls her eyes before glaring at Paige, “you’re a bad influence on her.”
“I’m the best influence on her,” Paige argues, sending Stephie a conspiratorial wink, “just you wait Az, I’mma teach her all the good things.”
Something unreadable flashes across Azzi’s face before she’s back to looking at Paige with an unimpressed arched eyebrow, “I am not letting you corrupt my daughter Paige Bueckers.”
“We’ll see,” Paige says slowly and Azzi shakes her head before turning to Stephie. 
“Alright Stephie bean time to go brush your teeth. It’s almost bedtime babes,” she says with a stern look 
“But Mama-”
“No arguing, you have school tomorrow missy,” Azzi reminds the little girl and Paige can’t help but marvel at the mother that Azzi’s become. And it makes her heart ache for the fantasies she’d dreamed of when she was in her early twenties. She’d always known Azzi would be a great mother; Paige had just naively thought she’d be there alongside her too. 
“Can Miss Buecks stay on the phone till I fall asleep?” Stephie asks, peering up at Azzi with big doe eyes, “please Mama pleeeease.”
“I’m sure Miss Buecks has other things-”
“I don’t,” Paige cuts in far too enthusiastically, clearing her throat to get back some semblance of restraint as both mother and daughter turn to look at each other, “I don’t have anything to do tonight so I can stay till you fall asleep Stephie.”
“YAYY,” Stephie cheers enthusiastically while Azzi studies her with a weary look, “I’m gonna go brush my teeth and then you can read me, my story Mama.”
With that, the little girl runs in the direction of what Paige can only assume is the bathroom, skipping with childlike joy as she sing-songs about something Paige can’t quite make out. 
“You know you don’t have to say yes to everything she asks right?” Azzi says slowly as she grabs her phone and sits on the couch. 
Paige shrugs, “I have time to stay.”
“Do you?” Azzi asks skeptically, “because from what I heard the Wings are having a little farewell party tonight, for you.”
Paige narrows her eyes, “and how exactly did you hear that?”
“I have connections.”
“You talked to Ice.”
“I talked to Ice,” Azzi concedes, “and I’m pretty sure you’re already an hour or so late for it.”
“Exactly. I’m already an hour late so why bother,” Paige says, sitting up so she can rest head against her headboard, “why were you talking to Ice?”
“I can’t talk to my friend?” Azzi asks slowly. 
“Of course you can but why specifically today?” Paige presses 
Azzi bites her lip, “I um- I watched your press conference today. You uh-” she averts her gaze, “you seemed really stressed at the end and I wanted to make sure you were okay.”
A soft grin upturns Paige’s lips before she can stop it, “were you worried for me Fudd?”
“That’s not-” Azzi groans, “shut up.”
Paige smirks, “you were worried for me.”
“I was concerned for my future teammate," Azzi huffs, “besides,” her face hardens, “she was way out of line.”
Paige sighs at the implied mention of Olivia, “maybe but maybe I deserved it.”
“No you didn’t,” Azzi protests and that oh so familiar protective tone in her voice carves itself into every crevice of Paige’s heart, “no one deserves to be put on the spot like that. She was being unethical trying to dig into your personal life like that.”
“This is nice,” Paige says softly, unable to help herself. 
“What is?” 
“Seeing you get all defensive over me. It's nice to see you still care. I didn’t know if you still did.”
Azzi’s quiet for a second, gnawing at her bottom lip as she looks at Paige, “I’ve always cared Paige. And-” she hesitates as the tightrope beneath them wavers, “I’m always gonna care.”
There’s years worth of unsaid words lingering in the silence between them as they breach some unspoken rule they’d both inadvertently agreed to. And they both know that they shouldn’t be saying things like this to each other, that they’re teetering on the edge of falling into an abyss that has nothing but destruction at the bottom. But Azzi’s words feel like sunshine, like heat waves across her skin and Paige is so tired of feeling cold. 
Before either of them can say another word, Stephie comes back into the room, crawling into Azzi’s lap.
“I’m back,” she beams, completely unaware of the way the two adults are scrambling to act normal around her. 
“Here baby,” Azzi hands the phone to Stephie, “take Miss Buecks to your room. Mama’s gonna go change and then she’ll come read to you okay?”
“‘Kay Mama,” Stephie complies, pressing a soft kiss to Azzi’s cheek before running towards her room. For a second Paige’s screen is blurred in motion until Stephie fixes her again and Paige catches a glimpse of Stephie’s room, specifically the walls that are painted the perfect shade of Valkyrie purple. 
“I love your walls Stephie,” she compliments.
“They’re pu-ple,” Stephie exclaims, “that’s my favorite color.”
“First the ice-cream, now the color, you’re stealing all of my favorites kid,” Paige teases but she’s secretly pleased by this revelation. It’s dangerous how fast Stephie’s starting to whittle down Paige’s walls and build herself a permanent shelf in Paige’s cabinet of my people. 
“Can I tell you a secret Miss Buecks,” Stephie whispers, bringing her lips closer to the phone. 
Paige smiles, “of course you can.”
“I think Mama misses you too,” Stephie says softly and Paige feels her heart catch in her throat, “I heard her tell Nanna on the phone.”
“Can I tell you a secret Stephie?” Paige lowers her voice, leaning into her phone. 
“‘Course you can Miss Buecks.”
Paige swallows as the admission falls from her lips, “I really miss your Mama too.”
I miss her always and I think I’ll miss her forever. 
“What are you the two of you whispering about,” Azzi’s voice cuts in as she tucks herself next to Stephie, a children’s book in her hand. 
“Nothing Mama,” Stephie says immediately, winking at Paige through the phone. 
“Yeah,” Paige echoes, ignoring her erratic heartbeat, “nothing Azzi.”
Azzi looks between the both of them, clearly aware she’s being left out of something, but doesn’t push further. Instead she flips open the book, pulls Stephie closer into her arms and starts reading. If anyone were to ask Paige later, she wouldn’t have the faintest idea about a single word in that damn book. Because as Azzi’s soothing voice begins to lull Stephie to sleep, and the younger girl, despite her yawns, holds the phone up so the blonde can be included in every second of it, Paige feels herself being pulled into a dream she has no right to dream. She dreams of being in Stephie’s purple bedroom. She dreams of her and Azzi lying against Stephie’s lilac bedspread, their hands entwined in the middle over Stephie’s little body. She dreams of a forever that she’d long forsaken.
346 notes · View notes
sebsbarnes · 1 year ago
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phantom pain || pietro maximoff
pietro maximoff x reader
summary: i'm jealous of the rain that falls upon your skin, it's closer than my hands have been
warnings: insecurities, none really?? (i think)
word count: 2.9k+ ; angst, comfort
masterlist
a/n: this is a rewrite of a bucky fic i wrote 6 years ago but now much longer, better, and for pietro. sorry for grammar/editing mistakes that are prob here but still enjoy
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pietro knew you had been hiding something. he had known you for three years and had been dating you for almost two. over the course of the months and weeks spent with the other he had grown accustomed to your silent cues. the silence that would consume you when tony's party carried on too late and you desperately wished to exit or when you performed poorly during training and steve berated you with tips. but mostly the silence that would linger around you when you were alone. not all the time, no, but there were times when pietro could feel and see the physical shift in your body language.
he never wanted to pry not as a friend or a boyfriend. pietro understood that every avenger has a past life, one that the others are unaware of. though he loved playing back the memories of his childhood and his parents, he too would shift into a silent shell of a person and he would want nothing more than to be left alone and not questioned. pietro loved the abilities he had but some days he wondered whether the extreme heat of his body or the slow-moving world around him actually made him sad. life was no longer normal, his body was no longer normal, nothing was normal.
this is exactly how you felt. the tragedies in your life were sometimes unbearable and if you could disappear you would but you had so much to be thankful for. if it wasn't for the accident you wouldn't be an avenger, you wouldn't have the friends you have, you wouldn't experience even half of what you've had now, and you wouldn't have pietro, the love of your life. at the end of the day you were alive and more than often, incredibly happy.
but there were those times you fell into silence over your newfound life, mainly the consequences of the accident. your memory still struggled, you were weak for a very long time, and when the weather got too cold you could feel the ache in your bones. you weren't like the rest of the avengers who possessed special abilities or were highly skilled in combat. three and a half years ago you were a normal person. you had a normal life, job, family, and friends, up until the accident. and every day the phantom pain reminds you of what was taken.
it was winter when you first met all the avengers. they all lived together and after you recovered from the accident, tony wanted you here, to live here. you protested the idea for a while claiming that tony's generosity was far too much. he had already saved you from the accident and offering a space to live and a job was incredulous, but after much debate you agreed. that first day you silently sat in the corner of the room while all the avengers had a meeting. you swayed back and forth in the rolling chair, taking in the information and occasionally stealing glances at a silver-haired man.
"and this is (y/n)!," tony exclaimed, "our newest friend here so please for the love of god be kind during the acclamation period. i'm already prematurely greying and i don't need anymore."
the meeting was over and one by one the avengers came to greet you, offering their names and welcomes and soon the silver-haired man approached you.
pietro stuck his hand out to shake yours. he found it odd that despite the room being almost swelteringly hot from the heater, you still had your gloves on.
"i'm pietro."
it was about three weeks later you found yourself sitting with pietro, clint, steve, and natasha. everyone was sitting on the couch talking about whatever topic you possibly could conjure up. there was a lull in conversation before clint spoke up.
"hey," he said turning towards you, "why do you have gloves on?"
it was as if clint never spoke and without missing a beat you stood up, looking down at pietro, "wanna help me finish building my desk?"
pietro hesitated a moment, eyes flickering over to clint, "of course."
pietro had come to learn not to question why you covered your hands in those first few months. any mention of you hiding them was never met with an answer. he was protective of you and he felt himself falling for you each day, and you the same. the two of you did a lot together, you cooked, clean, went out, watched movies, almost everything together and you loved it. it felt like home here and pietro felt like home.
it was a big dinner, the night you finally took your gloves off. there was no special reason why, to be frank, you just decided to no longer be embarrassed.
"c'mon kid we all got something weird about us. i play in a suit all day, cap runs around in tights, pietro is faster than the speed of light, and parker shoots webs... from his hands!" tony ranted on.
you sighed, "i know. i just feel weird on top of this because i am still new here."
"we all have been new," tony started, inspecting your hands one final time, "no one will judge you, kid, but take it at your own pace. you don't owe anyone nothing. well, maybe except me," he winked.
only two hours later you were all seated at the big table with everyone to eat. from tony, to pietro, to thor, to natasha, to sam, everyone was here. next to you was tony and rhodey, pietro across from you pulling funny faces while the food was served out. you fidgeted with your fingers in your lap trying to stall picking up the fork and knife. everyone had started eating and chatting amongst the group when you finally lifted your arms to the table and started cutting into the chicken.
pietro watched as you shifted in your seat, your forearms coming to rest on the white cloth and your fingers wrapping around the fork and knife. the first time he has ever seen your hands.
your metal hands.
after that night there were murmurs throughout the crew about the state of your hands. people were confused why someone who led a normal life ended up with metal hands, similar to bucky's arm. the word accident had floated through the air but you never commented on it.
winter had turned into spring that ended all too quickly and now it was the dead of summer. the day was slow and pietro was bored and craving movement. his head was hanging over the arm of the couch, his silver hair hung to the floor.
"want to get ice cream?" he asked.
"it's like you read my mind," you grinned swiping your wallet off the counter.
you and pietro wandered around town aimlessly before stopping at the ice cream shop. he admired the way you threw your head back in laughter and the way you covered your mouth when he said something outlandish. even though pietro's body ran warm he could feel the increasing heat spread throughout his cheeks each time you shot him a smile and his name rolled off your lips.
in an instant, he thought he ruined it all when he reached out and wrapped his fingers in yours. he felt your fingers twitching and the way you misstepped.
"i'm sorry," accent thick as he retracted his hand.
you smiled softly at him before gently grabbing his hand, "don't be."
it was that day over a hot fudge sundae that you told pietro what had happened. it was a horrible car accident early in the winter before you met the avengers. there were several cars and buses involved. not only did you lose your hands that day but your family. tony was also in this accident, his car had actually collided with yours, though his vehicle wasn't the one that caused your injuries. he had rushed to help you and immediately took on a parental role when he observed the condition of everyone else in the car. you were bruised and bloody with several fractured bones, but mainly, every bone in both your hands were shattered beyond repair. tony took you to his doctors where you all came to the difficult decision that your hands had to go, but tony offered you a solution. to replace the once skin and bones with metal.
pietro listened the entire time letting you go on and on to which you apologized for being boring. 'no dragă' he would whisper and you continued on with his thumb running over your knuckles. the gesture comforted you but the voice in the back of your head nagged that it was out of pity.
the months began to fly past faster than you could imagine. you and pietro were inseparable. anytime the members walked past the two of you they'd fake gag or pretend to cry. once wanda had muttered under her breath how she never thought pietro would actually date someone. you would only get shy over it and pietro found it amusing and would pinch at your cheeks. it was only when the two of you officially started dating when pietro would notice the different type of silence you'd fall into.
he would sometimes catch you sitting on the edge of your bed staring at your hands the features on your face contorted with disgust.
"what is the matter?" he questioned.
"oh nothing," you sighed with a fake smile, placing your hands beside you.
or the times pietro noticed the way you hesitated before touching him.
"am i that scary dragă?" pietro joked with a sickly smile.
your features would soften and the lines between your brows disappeared, "the most terrifying," you winked.
or the times pietro saw the way you gazed at other people's hands when they came into contact with pietro.
"doesn't his hair look good like this?" wanda asked you as she finished braiding her brother's hair. the two of them looking at you in the mirror.
you didn't respond right away. you were too distracted watching the way her fingers weaved their way through his silver hair and grazed his scalp while pulling hair into its pattern. with the most pitiful smile, you responded.
"amazing."
pietro knew that eventually, you would confide in him over the way you viewed your hands. he didn't want to overstep, that wasn't the relationship the two of you had. the late nights pietro spent shaking under the blankets from nightmares, you never asked him. you held him close to you and hummed a small tune to calm him down and you did that every night without fail. one day over breakfast he finally confided in you over the terrors that haunted his dreams.
what pietro didn't expect was that today on your second anniversary was the day you would finally scream your frustrations out. the two of you weren't doing anything special and nor did you want to. all the avengers insisted you at least leave home and do something for a little while. that's why you found yourselves lazily walking around a park, hand-in-hand, arms swinging and shoulders bumping. the sound of laughter echoed through the park and you swore the leaves shook. you were happy, beyond happy. pietro and you were madly in love and there wasn't one thing you could wish for, maybe.
suddenly the wind picked up and the dark clouds rolled above and unleashed raindrops that were nearly the size of baseballs.
"oh my god!" you squealed.
"it is so cold!" pietro laughed loudly.
you were squinting through the pouring rain, your hair and clothes plastered to your skin, pietro was dancing around in a circle with his tongue out in hopes of catching the water. pietro grabbed onto your forearms pulling you into him.
"you look so cute right now," he yelled over the thunderous rain.
"don't be silly! i look like a mess!" you giggled slightly swatting at his chest.
pietro leaned in and kissed you on the cheek. his smile growing wider as if his mouth was a plant and the rain was helping it grow. his fingers brushed the hair out of your face and kissed you once more on the forehead.
"there's so many droplets on your lashes!" you exclaimed. pietro watched your lips pull into a smile. the sun wasn't out but he could've been fooled by the way your eyes shined at him. he watched as you lifted your hand to brush the droplets off, and then suddenly, it all changed.
pietro watched as your smile dropped into parted lips of disgust and shame, your eyebrows pulled together in the middle, and rain was no longer the only thing running down your face. you faltered in your step backward and pietro reached out to steady you but you pulled back further. it was like you were a toy and your batteries had just run out you were so still.
"b-baby what is wrong?" the worried etched onto his face was almost painful.
"i'm jealous," you cried, your bottom lip shaking violently.
pietro shook his head, "my love what is going on? you are worrying me."
you lifted your hands in front of your face, your eyes trailed down every finger and across your palm to the back of your hand. the small metal panels almost mocking you as you could see your eyes reflect back at you. at this moment pietro started to piece together all the instances in the past.
"i can't feel you," you wallowed, "i can't feel your skin, pietro. my hands!" he watched as you stretched your arms out to show him your hands as if he'd never seen them before.
"i'm envious of everything that can feel you! the rain, your clothes, everyone else, but not me, i can't! do you know how badly i want to feel the texture of your hair or the tears you cry or-or the skin on your lips and i can't! i crave the feeling of you and i'll never get to know that. i want to feel the plastic of a pen or grass between my fingers or the calluses of training too hard and i'll never get that again. the phantom pain i have will never be as painful as never being able to hold you with my real hands."
as your cries grew louder the storm cleared up to let you have the stage. you stood in front of pietro as the shell of the person he would see those times you were alone silently observing your hands. even though he wasn't the one yelling, he felt as if his own vocal chords were being shredded, he could feel the chambers in his heart slowly start to shut down one by one, and the burn in his eyes was almost blinding.
he slowly stepped towards you cautious not to make you jerk backwards again. the tears in each of your eyes seemed to sync up and roll down together. pietro gently grabbed your hand, grateful that you let him, and held it to his cheek.
"this, my love, this is me. this is the me that only you will know and no one else. it is not the same as everyone else but different much like us," he said gently, his other hand gesturing between your bodies, "if i could do anything in the world, no matter the cost, to help with your hands i would and i am so sorry i cannot," pietro was now holding your face in his hands.
"but i want you to know i love you for everything that you are and i always will. no matter what the future has in store for us, in my heart, you will always be first. and- and i know there are other reasons why you dislike your hands but i never want to be the reason that you dislike something about yourself. maybe i can talk to mr. stark, yeah?" he pondered nodding his head rapidly, "maybe we can figure something out and give your hands an upgrade. maybe he knows someone?"
you sniffled, looking lovingly at pietro who was trying to think of any possibility even though you both had discussed in the past that there was nothing that could be done for your hands. that day tony saved you was the best opportunity you could get to help your hands and nothing in the world could beat it.
"i love you so much pietro, you are everything i could ask for in a boyfriend and more," you spoke, resting your face further into his hands.
pietro ran his hands across your shoulders and down your arms to hold onto your wrists. he brought your hand up to his face and placed a delicate kiss to your fingertips until all ten were loved. pietro pulled you into a hug, one palm resting flat against your spine and the other holding the back of your head. you leaned into his chest and let your ear listen to the thump of his heart. the two of you stood there motionless. minutes passed by and neither of you dared to move. to an unobservant eye, you two could've passed as a statue. two lovers forever memorialized in the dusk of the sky, the rain puddles collecting at your feet, and a love story forever admired over.
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cosyvelvetorchid · 7 months ago
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Just sat here thinking about maybe in a couple of years time, Tommy and Buck are at the arrivals gate waiting to pick up Maddie, Chim and Jee-yun who had been visiting the parents in Pennsilvania.
Tommy leaves to go to the bathroom leaving Buck alone. He's looking through the throng of people coming towards him trying to spot Maddie until he hears his name in a familiar voice.
"Buck?"
"A-Abby? Uh, hey."
"How are you?" She asks
"I'm good. How are you?"
"I'm-I'm good."
"Uh, how's Sam?" Buck asked
"We, uh, we broke up. About a year ago."
"Oh. I'm-i'm sorry to hear that." He said sincerely.
"It's fine. I'm fine." She waved away his concerns
"So what are you doing here? You've visiting someone?"
"Uh, no. I'm.. I'm moving back. To L.A."
"Really?" He asks.
"Yeah. Actually I was going to call you. Maybe we could grab a drink. Or something. Catch up?"
"Like.. like a date?"
"Um, I mean, yeah."
"Wow, uh. I'm.. I'm actually married now." He raised the back of his hand to show the silver band on his finger.
"Oh. Uh, wow. Congratulations. Im-Im sorry."
"Don't be. It's fine, really." He says as Tommy walks up and stands beside Buck.
"Oh, hey, this is Abby. Abby, this is my husband, Tommy."
Tommy knew who Abby was. Buck had told him quite early on in their relationship about how she was the first women he'd loved and she'd left to find herself after her mother died.
"Hus- wow! Uh, it's-it's nice to meet you." She stuck her hand out to shake Tommy's.
"Nice to meet you too."
There was a few moments of awkward silence between them until a 6 year old broke it.
"Uncle Tommy, uncle Buck!" Jee-yun came running up towards them practically jumping into Tommy's arms.
"I, uh, should go. It was good to see you, Buck. Nice to meet you." She added towards Tommy before quickly walking away.
"You too." Buck replied, and turned his attention to his husband making stupid faces at their neice, and thinking about how disgustingly happy he was in his life right now.
That's it. That's all I was thinking about.
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liloinkoink · 4 months ago
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hey guys, someone just sent me a weird ass ask claiming my incredibly close friend cherri @cherrifire secretly hate me and is talking abt me behind my back. i was not the only person to get one of these identical slanderous asks. i’ve already blocked the anon but like. open letter to them, and for the benefit of anyone else who gets an ask like this….
1) anon, you’re genuinely fucking stupid
2) hysterical to send this when i was actively chatting w her, while we were in the process of fleshing out yet another renchanting au, something we have done all day every day for… gosh, how long has it been now? nearly two years? i would say that it was really bad timing to send this ask to me while i was actively chatting aus w her but there really isn’t any moment you could have sent this that i wouldn’t have been.
3) if you thought i wasn’t gonna call bullshit and snitch immediately you don’t know shit about me or cherri, which, granted, is evident by the ask in general, but you really are stupid
4) if a gc like this existed—which it does not, bc cherri is not like this and would not do this—i would be in it. this idiot doesn’t even know im cherri’s emotional support writer. do you have any idea how many gcs and servers she’s dragged me into w her.
5) get your facts right cherri talks shit about me to my face. this is mutual. fake ass fan. if you were a real cherri friend you would know this smh
6) no, actually, you’re right, she definitely hates me. that’s why i met her irl literally like 3 months ago on her invitation, we hung out for a genuine week, spent basically the whole time arm in arm or hand in hand. this is also why we were planning a second meetup last night. you idiot. you fool. you complete and utter moron
anyway, if anyone gets this ask:
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it’s complete bullshit. theyre sending this to cherri’s best friends for some godforsaken reason. it’s very weird and deeply cringe. also incredibly poorly planned. idk how many ppl you sent this to, but a few of us are in a gc and we have been making fun of this ask for like an hour (anon, im one of cherri’s friends and she’s been telling a small group of friends about you— lol. lmao even)
anyway like. to reiterate. cherri’s one of my best friends, she’s absolutely lovely and i’m lucky every day to know her. we hang out and chat constantly and we’ve met irl and it was an incredible experience i would love to repeat. i have told her things i have not fuckin told anyone else and you could not otherwise waterboard out of me. i love talking to her all the time and i miss her when she’s busy for even like, an hour. i love writing w her and creating things w her. she’s an incredibly bright spot in my life, often the first person i think of upon waking and the last i think of before i sleep. she is kind and funny and i love her a lot.
i’m a bitch tho so like @ this anon go fuck yourself. you better hope that when you die that the devil finds you before i do. sending this ask to a bunch of our friends, trying to turn the people she cares about against her, and for what? you clearly don’t know her well enough to be talking like this. trying to ruin my friend’s reputation and friendships w a vague as hell and entirely baseless copy paste is super fucking weird. why would you do this? and like, do you think we were born yesterday to fall for this? i’m insulted for her for whatever it was you were trying to pull and i’m insulted on behalf of myself and everyone else you sent this to that you think we’re as stupid as you are. what is your damage. get a hobby.
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genderqueerdykes · 1 month ago
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please post more about alterhumanity I love to see it!!
sure! i'll see what i can come up with off the top of my head
i told my mom numerous times throughout my childhood that i wasn't human, but i didn't for real find out i'm nonhuman until i was somewhere around 19 or so. i finally joined the furry community, and was following someone on tumblr who was talking about their dragon kintype. i started googling "otherkin" and reading about it and realized oh wait. other people are like this too?
i figured out i was an elf first. that was fairly easy, i interacted with a lot of other elves since it was a very common kintype at the time. i did trade some really cool experiences, people really had some interesting ideas on what nonhumanity was about. my best friend and roommate at the time actually knew about me being otherkin, but he wasn't really the most supportive about it. he just kinda used it as a way to wedge himself into otherkin spaces and start debates and arguments with people. so over time i stopped talking about it with him
over the years though, i've not really stopped identifying as nonhuman. because i'm plural, i have a lot of nonhuman alters, and some that are from fictional sources. i would say every 6 - 12 months or so, one of us realizes some part of their nonhumanity, or a new alter who is nonhuman shows themselves and talks about their nonhumanity.
as much as i don't like how decentralized the otherkin community has come, it's been nice to figure things out on my own. back in the 2010s, people were very strict about what "counts" as otherkin. you would be guilted into trying to figure out if you have memories of that life, what "deeper meaning" your kintypes have to you, and so on. back then, people would harass new kin and make them jump through hoops to truly identify as their nonhuman selves. it messed me up for quite a while thinking i had to have a super deep connection that takes a lifetime to uncover in order to be a "real" otherkin
i actually have been staff for/ran a few nonhuman communities over the years! i found it to be a lot of fun because it's not as serious as queer issues, and there's a lot less arguing about real world politics and whatnot. while those topics are important, sometimes you need a space free of all of that. plus a really fun part of the nonhuman community is learning about animals and fictional creatures and people you've never heard of before. there's definitely no shortage of anime recommendations in fictionkin and fictive spaces that's for sure
i actually discovered the concept of plurality through nonhuman spaces, as many nonhumans are also plural. either spiritually, due to mental health conditions, naturally or something else, there's a lot of plurals in those communities. i met my first plural friend in the otherkin community and they taught me alot about the experience that i was going through in the moment as well. it tends to be a space that's very open to the concept of plurality and it's really nice
the nonhuman types that myself and my system collectively identify with the most are definitely my canine kintypes. i am very connected to both wolves and coyotes- i actually figured out i was a coyote first, almost a decade ago! it took me a lot more years to finally confirm i'm also a wolf. i've always felt very drawn toward coyotes for one reason or another- it's an animal i look at and think "hey that's what i look like".
i do wear dog collars because i identify as a dog as well! i'm part of the pup play community, though it is nonsexual for me, i just really enjoy being able to act out being a canine creature. i actually had a dog bed for a while that i slept on, but i haven't been able to get a new one. wearing a collar can be very comforting for me. not only do i find them adorable, but it's something that feels very personally correct to me.
horses are also really important to us as well. they are an animal we've looked at and gone "that's me" as well throughout our life. we have no desire to ride horses, but we would love to care for them and be around them. hooved animals in general have always been something we've felt a personal connection to as well. we've also been questioning whether or not we identify as a cow.
i'd love to get some accessories like ears, tails, paws, etc. in the future, and honestly, i've always wanted a fursuit/fursuits. like i adore them so much. i think they're such a creative artform and i've always wanted to learn how to make them. i think they're just. so fucking cool. hopefully i can get or make one some day!
overall accepting my nonhumanity has made my life a lot easier. i generally have phantom sensations of ears, tails and paws throughout my day to day life, and i don't really feel connected to humanity on a personal level. it's tiring to pretend like i see the world through a human lens because i just do not. it doesn't negatively impact my life whatsoever. i still do things i have to do, like pay my rent and bills, work, and so on. i can live a fulfilling life while acknowledging that my mind and soul are not that of a human
if i think of anything else, i'll add it in the reblogs! thanks for this ask i enjoy talking about my nonhumanity!
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artydonsgf · 9 months ago
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Hey love💕 could u do an arthusband! fic??
hi sweets! i’m in the process of writing husband art but i didn’t wanna keep you waiting so i wrote out a headcanon list! i also included a small nsfw portion for my own delusional giggles, enjoy~
Art Donaldson as your Husband
- when yall start dating, it’s apparent that you’re his first real girlfriend
- he’s fooled around with people before but the eagerness of his kisses and how quickly your touch sends him over the edge makes it clear it was never serious
- you like it though, it’s cute how embarrassed he gets when you stare at him and call him handsome
- amazing bf, top tier communicator
- you discover early one that art does not play about you so he really tries his best to avoid any arguments that aren’t constructive
- extremely gooey and tells you that he wants to marry you in the future like a week into your relationship
- despite how good of a communicator he is, he also gets in his head very easily
- constantly worried that he’s somehow not enough for you and you’ll find someone better
- these worries die down pretty quickly but it sits in the back of his mind sometimes
- said i love you first and he said it after 6 months
- he later told you that he knew after a month but didn’t want to scare you away
- after a year of dating, he gives you a promise ring and swears that he’ll propose to you the moment you guys graduate
- two years in, you guys move in together
- six months later and true to his word, he gives you his grandmother’s ring while you’re both still in your caps and gowns
- the wedding happens quickly since neither of you wanted something big
- your wedding day is the best day of his life, something he tells you a million times throughout the day
- he cried like a baby when you walked down the aisle
- in all of your wedding photos, he’s looking at you like you are the center of the universe
- art settles into married life with ease
- in his mind, you guys have already been married since the moment you agreed to be his girlfriend
- sharing a last name with you is the best thing ever in his mind
- sometimes he’ll call you mrs donaldson just to hear you respond to it
- laughs into his hand when you respond but you already realized what he was doing forever ago
- a true romantic
- leaves flowers and other cute trinkets at your bedside table when he comes home from traveling for games
- he’ll be dead asleep beside you but you’ll always find a small bouquet, breakfast, and a souvenir from whatever town he passed through
- constantly thinks about you
- facetime warrior, he will call you at any time just to hear your voice
- if he’s lucky and you’re able to come with him to games, he spends any spare time curled up in your arms and ask you to just speak
- loves it when you run a hand through his hair, he’ll twist himself into an uncomfortable position if it means you’ll keep scratching his head
- the annoying guy who mentions his wife at any given moment
- “ah yes, my WIFE, also enjoys hiking”
- his idea of a date is dinner and cuddling the whole night
- seems to forget that he can kiss you whenever because he always asks if he can kiss you
- needs you like he needs air, bro is insane about you
- patrick knew about you before he even met you because art spoke about the beautiful girl with the kind eyes and sweet smile for a month before he actually asked you out
- bro was yearning like crazy
- his biggest issue is his jealousy
- starts plotting murder whenever a man speaks to you for too long
- or woman, he’s equal opportunity jealous
- ofc he doesn’t have to worry because you’re always quick to flash your ring and name drop him as your husband in convos
- he’s a very good husband who loves you an insane amount and makes sure to communicate that to you 24/7
NSFW
- legit will do anything you ask of him, so he’s very into experimenting
- your pleasure > his every time
- he enjoys oral but doesn’t really ask for it since he’d prefer to give
- submissive by nature and is happy to let you take charge
- only really dominant after a particularly tough day on the courts
- aftercare KING, he’ll get you cleaned up in two seconds flat so he can keep you in his arms for the rest of the night
- very needy in bed, he wants your constant attention
- total praise kink, he can hardly breathe when you tell him he’s doing a good job
- he had to learn how to control his pace because he used to come immediately
- despite his quickness at finishing, he has insane stamina and will keep you up the whole night
- it’s always you >>> any of his obligations
- more times than you can count, you’ve had to pry him off of you because he had important things to do the next day
- loves quickies
- likes it when you pull his hair
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allthingswhumpyandangsty · 3 months ago
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Hi, big fan of your work in the whump community :3
Do you have any prompts/thoughts for one of my favorite phrases: "I thought you were dead" ?
thank you so much!!
dialogue prompts in responses to ❝I thought you were dead.❞
❝I’m not dead, babe. I just ghosted you.❞
❝cheating death is what I do for a living.❞
❝that was weeks ago/months ago. people change.❞
❝not dead. I am Death.❞
❝and it sucked. being on the verge of death. would not recommend.❞
❝that’s what I’ve been trying to tell you. I literally cannot die.❞
❝no, but you will be if you don’t start running.❞
❝a bullet to the heart can’t kill me. you, out of all people, should have known my heart has already been blackened and dried up a very long time ago.❞
❝surprise, bitch. I bet you thought you’d seen the last of me.❞ (the classic one, I couldn’t not add this.)
❝of course, you did. after all, it was you who tried to kill me.❞
❝darling, you’re going to have to try harder than that.❞
❝this is gonna sound crazy, but I am dead, and apparently I’m assigned to be your guardian angel now.❞
❝you know I’m not actually real, right?❞
❝no, you left me to die. I was just a survivor.❞
❝yeah, yeah, I heard that before.❞
❝I am.❞
❝did you really have so little faith in me?❞
❝me too! another thing we have in common.❞
❝I did, but it turned out death didn’t want me.❞
❝who’s going to look after you if I’m dead?❞
❝I’ll always come back to you.❞
❝dead? it was just a cut on a finger. stop being so dramatic.❞
❝sorry to disappoint.❞
❝boo.❞
❝you’ve made sure of that, haven’t you?❞
❝I’m stubborn just like that.❞
❝is it because I disappeared from your life for 20 years?❞
❝why? what happened? why would you think that?❞
❝oh, I am. and so are you. welcome to the land of the dead.❞
❝I’m a ghost, and I need your help.❞
❝I don’t have much time. you have to find my murderer.❞
❝I am. you’re just hallucinating.❞
❝if I am dead and you’re talking to me, doesn’t it mean you’re dead, too?❞
❝I’m not Dead. I’m (insert character’s name).❞
❝I did. I just crawled out of hell.❞
❝hell was boring anyway. so here I am.❞
❝you can’t get rid of me that easily.❞
❝nothing could kill me. not even death.❞
❝you know I’d never leave you.❞
❝God says it’s not my time.❞
❝well, this is awkward.❞
❝oh, I am. I’m here to take you with me.❞
❝did you cry?❞
❝did you mourn?❞
❝oh please, I was gone for less than an hour.❞
❝there’s been a misunderstanding. It wasn’t me who died.❞
❝I understand why you’d think that.❞
❝I can explain.❞
❝I am, and you will be just as dead as I am if you don’t turn around right now.❞
❝you’re not gonna believe what I saw on the other side.❞
❝why? you already replaced me?❞
❝I was hoping so too.❞
❝I really need to stop dying. let me tell you that shit is not fun.❞
❝I’m sorry if my survival is so inconvenient for you.❞
❝I have always been dead.❞
❝I died a long time ago, actually.❞
❝what are you going to do about that? try and kill me again? because it certainly didn’t work the first 6 times. but hey! maybe seventh time’s a charm!❞
❝I fooled you, didn’t I?❞
❝I’m not going anywhere.❞
❝I’m sorry. do I know you?❞
❝it’s a long story.❞
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ninjagobythenumbers · 4 months ago
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Bechdel Testing Ninjago
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So, a little while ago I did the Bechdel test on Ninjago because I've always seen the show as sort of an interesting case study in how women are portrayed in cartoons. Of course, I'm aware the Bechdel test originated as a joke and something passing the Bechdel test doesn't make it feminist/not. Rather, or for me at least, it's an indication of how deficient female representation can be at an aggregate scale. As a way to analyze Ninjago, I feel it works as it shows how female representation over the course of the show. If you're interested I'll now discuss my thoughts on how the analysis went season by season. DISCLAIMER: I did this for fun.
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The pilot was easy. Nya's the only one, so test failed across the board. The first episode that passed the test was when Jay's parents came to visit. Yay Edna! Mystake does show up in episode 7 but, I don't count it as she has not yet been named. 12&13 had a kid's mom in a bus which I decided was enough cus hey, Mom's a name she uses.
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Here's where we really get going. Patty Keys, their real estate agent continues to show up through seabound as a background character, which is pretty cool imo. Episode 5, Mystake finally gets named. Episode 6 was huge for my chart as it's the introduction of Misako. You'd think episode 7 is when her and Nya talked but that's actually when Nya and Gayle had a lil convo. From then on I spent the episodes just staring at the Nya and Misako thinking "talk to her talk to her talk to her." Fortunately, when they did speak, Nya and Misako would be discuss like science, maps, and fate of the world so I never ran into a problem with rule 3. That is, until Rebooted.
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The good news is Pixal's here so it'll be years before we fail rule 1 again. The bad news is we've got a love triangle so goodbye rule 3. Nya actually talked to her student, Sally, and Pixal quite often but it was so often about Jay or Cole so I would just be scouring the episode for a single exchange where they talked about anything else. During the Tournament, Nya, Pixal, Skylor, and Misako were all in different groupings and it was rare that Tox or Camille would say something so no rule 2/3 successes until late season.
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The good news is, the love triangle is over so we're back to rule 2 usually meaning rule 3. The bad news is, Pixal's in Zane's head so we're back to hoping Misako and Nya say something to eachother. Nya usually shared her scenes with Wu, Ronin, and Jay during these seasons so chances were few and far between. However, unlike the first few seasons where the default was male, we're now getting some female henchmen (Bansha and Dogshank) so that made things easier.
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Thank you for being in Day of the Departed Edna Walker. Early Hands of Time was tough because Nya, Misako, and Commander Macchia were rarely in the same scenes. In the latter half of the season though, we thankfully see the return of Pixal. Maya also helped us with some wins.
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What a breath of fresh air. Thanks to Harumi & Ultraviolet's introduction, Pixal's return, Mystake's upgrade to a reoccuring character, and Nya & Misako's continued support, failing even rule 3 is pretty rare during the Oni Trilogy. We run into some complications during Hunted because though we have Skylor and the aforementioned characters in Ninjago and Faith & Jet Jack in the First Realm, sometimes people don't talk to eachother. And that's ok. Overall, smooth sailing.
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Ah??!? What happened. Worry not. I realized this was, in part, because the Oni Trilogy had 20 minutes worth of chances for women to speak to eachother, these were only 10 minute episodes. So, for the sake of comparable units of analysis, I considered each pair of episodes to be 1 episode. I'll show both charts until DR.
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It looks a little better, but it's still not at Oni Trilogy levels. Still, I'd be curious to see what the test would look like if I dissected the earlier episodes into 10 minute chunks because it's probably not a great sign if 10 v 20 minutes makes such a big difference. Ok, proceeding. The Fire Chapter was usually pretty successful because Pixal, Aspheera, or Nya would usually end up talking at one point or another. Gayle even helped at one point. The Ice chapter usually achieved successes through Nya talking to Sorla. In one episode, I counted the Preminent's roars as conversation with Pixal. The Ice Chapter had quite a few failures largely because, as in previous seasons, all the women were split up.
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Despite the fact that Nya was one of the longest lived ninja, Prime Empire has total failures at levels not seen since before season 2. This is largely because for the most part, Pixal and Nya are never in the same episode. Racer 7 helps but she was only there for a bit. I should point out that I feel like the 10 minute era is really when Pixal starts feeling like part of the team to me. She's always part of homebase meetings and always plays a key part in missions. Alas, if she's not in episodes with Nya, that's not going to show up on my chart. It's a reminder of the fact this test doesn't show substance.
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Master of the Mountain is similar to the other seasons of its era. The fact the 10 minute era tended to show its plots episode by episode (ex: Ep 3 = Plot A, Ep 4 = Plot B, Ep 5 = Plot C) rather than all in one really takes a toll on the test. For the most part, Nya and Vania were our only chances for success and it was rare they'd share an episode. We also had the rare rule 3 failure with the Queen of the Munce episode. Thanks Jay. The Island only had Nya until they found Misako, so it was struggling even more.
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It feels right to see all green when it's a Nya season. In the beginning of Seabound, they put Nya, Pixal, and Maya on a boat together and by jove it made things easy. Late season was a bit trickier because Nya was on her own journey. Crystalized had Skylor, Pixal and some ressurected villains saving the day. Late Crystalized is the way it is because it had so, so many different groupings. I have a chart based on groupings and this season was such a challenge.
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I really felt the difference with Dragons Rising. I mean, you can see the difference, but it was even more clear when doing my data collection because it was just so easy. Rather than grabbing at scraps of dialogue like I had to do in early seasons, there was often a wealth of more meaningful conversation between female characters to choose from. As with the Oni Trilogy, a female villain with a female henchman makes things easy because they scheme together. We also had Nya and Sora on a joint quest. Funnily enough, there is a rare rule 3 failure because Sora and Kreel only talked about Kreel's friend in one episode. Episode 17 had the classic split up issue and actually would've failed entirely if not for Agent Underwood, which is actually a great example of my next point. You can really tell how male is no longer the default because not only is there the introduction of all the fantastic new female main characters, but also there's plenty of random female characters scattered throughout. I haven't seen DRS2P2 yet but I expect it'll be more of the same. I should mention I also made a chart with the reverse (two named men in an episode who talk about eachother about something besides a woman). Only three episodes fail in any capacity. (Say thank you to the Akita, Pixal, and Harumi solo episodes). If you read this whole thing, thank you. I had a lot of fun doing it. Let me know if there's any other charts I can do!
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mywitchyblog · 4 months ago
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Storytime : My hatred of shiftok
Hey everyone, I wanted to share a personal story that highlights why I’ve grown to strongly dislike Shiftok (the shifting community on TikTok).
This isn’t about throwing shade at the concept of shifting itself, because I’ve been part of the practice for years and found immense value in it.
However, my recent experience in an online shifting community vastly composed of younger members made me realize just how toxic and judgmental it can become.
I’m not here to stir up drama, but to share my story so that others who may have gone through similar situations can feel less alone. Sometimes, online communities, especially when comprised of younger members, can be less about support and more about mob mentality behacing like mindless sheep. And unfortunately, I found myself at the center of that.
Here’s what happened:
Around 6 months ago,I joined a Discord server dedicated to shifting (made by a shiftoker), but for the first few days, I didn’t really engage much. I’m the kind of person who likes to observe a bit before jumping in. After a while, I noticed they had a voice chat, so I figured I’d join in, thinking I could find some deep conversations and intelligent debate on shifting. I was wrong. Very wrong.
Their debate originally was about race changing, and since this is an extreamly controversial subejct on which the 3 of us in the groupchat agreed with, i though maybe age changing would be the case.
Very fucking foolish of me.Very.
I’ve been aware of shifting for about years, ever since I was 16. During that time, I wrote numerous scripts where I imagined dating my comfort characters, and though I haven’t successfully shifted yet, I’m still determined to experience that so i never gave up trying to shift there. Recently, I started questioning a particular aspect of shifting and decided to ask the community for guidance.
The dilemma? I wanted to know if it would be wrong to shift into a younger version of myself to experience the teenage romance I never had. Growing up, I missed out on those typical teenage expereinces, and I thought that shifting could allow me to relive that part of my life that was denied from me .
Thats is how i discivered shifting when i think about it . I was extreamly sour and bitter at the time seeing people my age going out, having a group of friends a romantic partner while i was sulking in my room still scarred by the years of bullying .i couldnt fucking stand it.
So is started shouting ,cussing, insulting, screaming at the universe that it owed me a debt for all the shit i put me through; that it owed me a debt that it can never pay back. And that i was here to collect that debt.
Next thing i know ? Shifting videos start appearing in my FYP and the rest i supposed if you discovered shifting in 2020 you know how it goes.
I asked the community: Since I’m now over 18, would it be unethical to age myself down and live through those scripted expereinces and relationships? My intentions were pure. It wasn’t about fetishizing youth —I just wanted to experience something I had missed out on. And also i made those DRs long ago so i do not want to give up after trying for years.
I explained that shifting is about exploring realities that differ from your current one, and to aslo expereince things that are impossible for you to do in your current so why not experience a teenage romance that I didn’t have?
I also emphasized that both me and the characters regardless of if i age myself down or i age them up we will have the same maturity so there is no power imbalances of any kind. I beleived that if I script myself as being 16, I would naturally have the mindset and maturity of a 16-year-old without having to script "i also have the maturity of my physical age".
(wich after further research and having shifted myself confirmed it to be true)
Some people were actually helpful, suggesting that I could just age the characters up to match my current age, that there was nothing wrong since your intention isnt "shifting for minors" but shifting for an experience and I thought that was a reasonable statement. However, as more teenagers (13 to 15-year-olds) started jumping into the chat, the conversation took a turn for the worse. Suddenly, they started accusing me of wanting to date minors, labeling me as a creep and even throwing around terms like "pedophile." They insisted I should go to jail, even though I hadn’t done anything inappropriate—just asked for advice.
Mind you, these were the same people who had desired realities where they were 50 something with kids 15 with a highschool sweetheart in another. It felt incredibly hypocritical that they were comfortable shifting to various ages, but when I wanted to explore an earlier phase of my own life in a healty wholesome manner, I was suddenly a villain.
As the accusations escalated, I even suggested aging the characters up, so they’d match my current age. But no matter what I said, they kept insisting I was still in the wrong. They claimed that because I had once found teenagers attractive when I was a teenager, I was somehow a predator now ("because something must have made you attracted to them when they were minors"). It was like they were twisting everything I said, refusing to understand my intentions.
It was infuriating. They accused me of things I wasn’t even thinking about. These were serious claims, and I couldn’t defend myself because they were so quick to misinterpret my words and take everything out of context. They were acting like I was trying to groom people in my desired reality (DR), even though I was merely exploring hypothetical scenarios.
The same people who preached that you could do anything you wanted in your desired reality, without limits,that you had all the time in the wormd to shift so no pressure were suddenly placing restrictions on me—telling me what was ethical and what wasn’t. They told me I was "grooming" the characters in my DR by aging them up, which is just ridiculous.
When I pointed out the inconsistency, suggesting they might technically be "grooming" people in their own current reality (CR) since they shift into different ages, or that their s/o from one of their adult DR is grooming them because in another reality there are a minor, they became defensive started blabbing "its not the same thing" and had no real arguments to back up their accusations.
At this point, it felt like I was being burned at the stake just for asking a question. I realized I wasn’t going to get a rational conversation out of this group, and the mob mentality was too strong. So, I left the server, and honestly, it was the best decision.
If there’s one piece of advice I can give from this experience, it’s this: if you find yourself in an online shifting community made up mostly of teenagers (13-16 years old), run. They can and WILL be quick to jump to conclusions, misinterpret your words, and label you unfairly.
In the end, I found better communities where the members are mature, thoughtful, and open to real discussions. If you’re facing similar issues, I encourage you to be cautious about the spaces you engage with. Make sure you find a community that values open, respectful conversations—where people don’t leap to judgments or throw around serious accusations without understanding your intentions.
Which is why i started making this page and publising these essays in the first place.Because no one provide a clear fucking answers in this types of question just saying "its bad", "because it is" without providing substantial arguments to back up their claims.
So i was "if no one is gonna do it, i will" and i did and it turns out these people are even more pathetic than i thought. Key exemple of that is instead of countering my arguments the only thing they have is accusing me of using Chat GPT.
So things to take from my story are :
-Leave shiftok for good its is not good for information or shifting knowledge. Shifting script templates and inspo ? yes. Information & knowledge ? RUNNNNNNNNNN.
-The most vehement critics within the community are the biggest hypocrites. They will call you a pedo for aging down but on the same vein will age up only to get fucked by they fav dilfs. Those against race changing will still race change just to diff species and races that are fictonal in this reality .
-Do what makes you feel good and do not lisen to these people, they are sour bitter and pathetic individuals its your journey you desired reality not theirs.
So i hope this story of mine will help people understand that you should feel bad about about wanting to shift to those DRs.That it will bring you wisdom and help to all the teenage shifters that are approching 18 and are scared that they are doing someting bad trust me you are not bad you are doing something pure and wholesome do not let them go to your head it will only slow you down in your journey.
Best of Luck in you shifitng Journey,
Alastor Luno.
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