#and a whole lot of religious trauma lmao

[lewmagoo]

nothing like a 12 am spiral over religious trauma lol

[sleepyangelkami]

PASTORS DAUGHTER I e.williams

 ☆ WORD COUNT - 5.8K

ELLIE WILLIAMS X FEM!READER

 ☆ SUMMARY - ellie williams had always been best friends with the pastors daughter, the rebel who went against every single thing her mother and father told her to. Ellie knew this, she was used to this. However, what she wasn't used to, what she seemed to never understand was her little sister. She never crossed a line, adored anything and everything thrown in her clutch, never made her mother or father frown and wore a pretty silver cross around her neck. ellie williams wanted nothing more than to rip it off and have the pasters daughter whimpering beneath her. she didn't know a little lust could create this mess.

 ☆ WARNINGS - intended lower case, implied smut, suggestive themes, innocence kink, size kink?, argument with parents, yelling, homophobia, religious 'trauma'?, slow burn, use of y/n, sisters best friend trope lmao. I don't know much about rules or whatever in religion but we're not gathered here to read about jesus because we worship ellie williams!!!

series masterlist

ash/ashley = older sister btw!

ellie williams still remembered the exact moment she laid eyes on you, y/n l/n, her best friends little sister. It was christmas and ashley had dragged her to this stupid holy party, it was the church that was organising it so it was mandatory that ashley be there to celebrate the birth of jesus alongside her father who had done the mass. she had done everything in her power not to be there but her parents had enough of her scandals and 'shaming' the family name. she forced her to come with the simple permission that she would be allowed to bring a plus one, as if the whole town weren't already coming. ellie remembered laughing in her face earlier that night, stating that she should have a good time by herself but by no means would the girl be joining her.

and yet there she stood at one of the back walls of the church.

she pulled her flannel closer to her figure, ignoring the way the winter air continuously made her shiver. she watched as ashley conversed with an older couple, and with everything in her ellie attempted not to burst out laughing at how out of place she looked. her parents had forced her to converse with the guests, stating it would be rude if she had ignored them and ellie simply waved her off stating she'd be fine against one of the walls. ellie williams knew the pastor and his wife hated her already so who was she to keep them waiting? she simply held a snarky grin with a quick 'father and mrs. l/n.' as a greeting.

"if you're cold, we have hot coco."

the sound of a girl's voice almost made ellie williams fall over, however, she stabilized herself against the teal wall behind her with chipped paint. "what?" no doubt her voice had come out much ruder than intended due to the fright she had gotten.

but then she turned and she saw it. she saw you. you were dressed in a little red dress, ultimately a lot more festive than she. your hair was pinned back but not all of it, a lot still sat at your shoulders, almost covering that pretty silver chain you wore, a holy cross pendant on it. it didn't take ellie much after that, your sweet tone, your mary jane shoes, the way your fingers fiddled with one another in slight worry. she knew then and there she had to absolutely ruin you. "well, i just meant that if you wanted to get a little warmer, we're giving out hot coco over there b-but you don't have to." suddenly your voice was quieter, much more anxiety filled in it as you worried you may have upset the girl, your father was always telling you how you spoke too much.

and as apologetic as ellie was, as she wanted nothing more than to instantly let an apology tumble from her lips, instantly state that you were not the reason she was using such a tone, that it was merely the fact she hated everything in this goddamn church, she was interrupted before she could utter a word. "well, i see you've met the prize possession of the family." ellie whipped around to see ashley practically by her side, leaning against one of the old wooden chairs. "ellie meet y/n, my little sister, and y/n this is ellie." little sister? ellie had heard all about you. about how you were practically a pastor yourself, how you devoted your very life to god, got at least nineties in every single test, how you outshone ashley l/n in just about everything you did and yet somehow she loved you more than anything in the world.

and of course you had heard about ellie williams, how could you not have? she was a delinquent. if you hadn't heard about all of ellie and ashley's amazing adventures, filled with alcohol and ciagrette's, you would have known her from school. of course, she'd never notice a girl like you, in a grade below her, head always down in the hallways and clutching your bag as if it were a safety net. but ellie williams, everyone knew ellie williams. she was either beating up some kid who 'deserved it' or snapping at a teacher with a raised voice. nonetheless, you always steered clear of the girl. your parents had a morbid distaste to the girl, you knew that much and yet every time she came knocking at the door, she was allowed into the house instantly and appointed up to your older sisters bedroom. everytime she had been there you were either at choir, an after school club or sitting out in the backyard, maybe once or twice in the living room. whatever the case, she was in the house, grabbing your sister and back out of there, she never had time to stick around and meet you.

ellie's sage eyes sunk down to your silky thighs and how your puffed out red dress flowed around them perfectly, then her eyes racked up to where your chest was, completely covered by the red fabric, she couldn't help but wonder what you wore underneath. however, you were her best friends sister, that certainly... complicated things. she was brought back to life at the sight of your shiny silver cross. "nice to meet you, y/n, heard a lot about you." and suddenly the two girls giggled as if it were an inside joke. you hated being the joke.

your doe eyes turned up at your sister, worry stricken features. "she's fuckin' with you, y/n/n." nickname tumbling from her lips easily as she spun around to face ellie, her arm being tossed over your shoulder. ashley was slightly shorter than ellie, however, you were a great deal shorter than your sister. it made ellie wonder just how bigger she was. she wondered how her hands would fit in your own, pinning you down, how they'd caress and squish your pudgy thighs together. she wondered how small you'd look beneath her. suddenly, she was thinking of every sound you could possibly make and god she tried hard not to show it on her face.

her dirty thoughts were cut short with the sound of your name being spoke briskly yet swiftly, a hint of authority in the sharp tone. you snapped your head to the side to see an awaiting mother of yours, standing with two candle sticks. "what's up her ass now?" ashley questioned, giving her mother a strange look. it was no secret that the girl simply found her own parents insufferable. and even with her tone, you managed to ignore her crude words especially in the 'house of god', you were very much used to your sisters language. (not that you approved)

you swallowed briefly. "i promised daddy i'd light the candles for 'em." and yet you yawned as you spoke, hand coming up to rub at your eye. you were tired. and while everything in ellie was fighting with her to all but coo at your tired face she couldn't deny the way she swallowed harshly at the sound of the word 'daddy' tumbling from your lips. you were so fucking innocent. the brunette girl was rolling up her sleeves, puffing out air and fawning that the weather had taken a certain change as if she weren't completely hot by her own corrupt mind. but how could she not? when your white stockings stood out so prominently and your fingers wound together, despite the two little thin silver rings, one with a butterfly the other with the smallest of hearts with a little pink stone. you turned back to ellie, eyes boring into her own sage green ones. the moon, the stars and even the light snow that had begun falling did everything in their might to tear your eyes from her and yet you just stared. "uhm— it was really nice to meet you, ellie, i hope to see you around more often." noticing the impatient look in your devil like mothers eyes.

"you too, sweetheart." it just came out.

eyes wide from all you, ashley and ellie. belive it or not, but the girl had surprised even herself. with blushing cheeks and secretive eyes you shared the pair one last glance before rushing off. ellie williams did nothing but stare. she stared at the way your hair bounced off your back, the way your dress lifted up as you walked with a pep in your step, attempting to get as close to your mother as fast as humanly possible. she stared. dazed. "dude. what?" ashley practically shoved ellie to get her attention, a confused look on her face as she raised a brow.

"is your sister gay?"

"shut the fuck up."

gay? you? the most religious girl in the whole town? it was a funny assumption, something that ashley could only deem humorous. and while ellie laughed along with the girl, fixing her sleeves with a grin on her face, she couldn't deny the way her eyes drifted back to you, a wide smile etched to your own face, smiling from ear to ear at one of the younger boys who was asking you a question about something religion related. ellie williams hated nothing more than people preaching and preaching about a god she didn't care an ounce for, but for you... for you she thought she may just listen until your dripping words went dry.

that was the night that ellie williams set eyes for y/n l/n and never looked back.

you couldn't deny your own infatuation for the girl yourself. you began to notice the days she came over, how she began to linger in your house, spend dinner with your strange family, how she began to sleep over at least twice a week. you brushed it off for simple admiration, almost envy. you were a girl who was simply caught in the bubble, there you were safe. but something about ellie was so... dangerous, enduring. she lived freely, with a grin in her face wherever she went, she cockily spoke in front of a crowd, one in which she could easily point out your eyes.

she was in another squabble with one of the teachers. it was the male physical education teachers who wore the very same pair of tracksuit end shorts every day. you had merely been a bypasser, books clutched to your chest tightly as you ignored absolutely everything around you. you often tuned yourself out in school, it was the only realistic way to get by. you recited a quote from a book in which you had read that previous night. if you were being honest, you hadn't even noticed the commotion in the hallway, until, that was, a sound of a voice rung out. "y/n." your head snapping towards ellie who had teachers surrounding her, a disappointed look on all their faces, some kids videoed the interactions, others laughed, most kids stopped to see what was going on at least. her greeting had caught you off guard. "how ya doin'?" a grin planted on her lips as she bent her head down at you. your eyes were as wide as saucers as random looks were thrown your way by teenagers you had never even met. it was no secret that y/n l/n was the 'good girl' of the school, how couldn't she be when she spent every day inside a chapel, she was laughable. some kid's brows furrowed and suddenly you could hear everyone whisper your name in confusion to one another. Mr. Lionel, the english teacher and your personal favourite of the school, grasped ellie's arm and attempted to shove her into the classroom they were standing out of. you watched with wide eyes as he slammed the door shut. "you can't legally do that!" you heard the muffled shout of ellie williams who was undoubtedly speaking of the fact the teacher put his hands on her without so much as asking.

you whipped around, ignoring the varying stares and hard gazes, head bound downwards.

but that didn't mean that you were necessarily ashamed to know ellie williams let alone have befriended her, no, you were beyond proud. "you're so cool." you admired in a dazed state.

"aren't I just?" your sister boasted as she showed off her black nails. she glanced over at you, your head resting in your arms that rested on the table, simply watching her in admiration. "you know, you could always come with us." she was meeting with ellie and going to another party. it was a wonder if your parents knew and just decided to ignore it.

your brows raised so high they almost reached your hairline. "me? a party?" giggling as your own sister rolled her eyes with a grin on her face, the idea did sound stupid now that she thought back on it.

"true." pocketing the black nailpolish. "run along i'm sure you have just about everything to do in that shitty little church."

your smile faltered but you fixed it instantly, not wishing to ruin the mood. this was your problem, you were too damn emotional. "tell ellie i said hi." as you stood from the kitchen table, grasping a hold of your small white handbag, you truly did have things to be doing.

"i will." smiling up at you. "see you later, y/n/n." you bid your goodbye then with the tiniest of simpers but as soon as you shut the front door with a small frown etched to your face.

you loved being so involved in your religion, you did, but it was times like this that you truly hated it. you wanted to go out with ellie and ashley. you wanted to make friends, you wanted people not to be scared of getting too close to you seeing as you were just too involved with your religion, you wanted a life that didn't revolve around the church you seemingly always found yourself in.

"you're so fucking stupid!" giggling wildly as she laid her back against the bed, long hair falling down beneath her face.

"you would have done the exact same thing!" ellie defended with an accusing finger being pointed at ashley who was much higher than her.

steam filled the room so much so that ellie could see how condensation was building up on the windows of ashley's bedroom. "i would have ran in the opposite direction, are you kidding me?" flipping over so she was laying on her stomach, laughing at her best friend who was sat with her legs crossed across from her. ellie liked having a best friend that was straight, this way no feelings ever got muddled up. besides, ellie would rant all she pleased about girls and ashley could only do it ten times more about the boys she's been with. then again, it was sad that they'd never get to see the preacher and his wife's face when they said that one of their daughters was gay. they'd often make jokes about how if ellie was a l/n she would have been disowned by now, ellie thanked the moon and stars that joel miller couldn't care less about jesus. the sound of a door opening from downstairs caused the girls to freeze. "shit!"

"ashley!" ellie complained as they both jumped up, slamming the windows open and doing everything in their will to get the goddamn smell out. "you said they had church duty until eight." if mr or mrs. l/n found ashley and ellie smoking weed in their house, there was absolutely no telling how bad this would go.

"they do!" she argued, pulling her sleeve down her arm so she could wipe away the condensation from the window. ellie pushed imaginary air out the window as if it were doing anything. they were still much too high for any of this. it was what hotboxing did to you. filling the room with smoke so you could get even more high, now thinking about it, it was sort of a stupid idea. the sound of footsteps growing nearer caused the girl's heart rate to speed up by a thousand. "shit, shit, shit."

the door knob twisted and ellie and ashley plopped onto the bed, ashley with the joint behind her back. "ash, do you ha-" you stopped mid sentence, mid opening the door, mid walking right in. your face cringed. "what's that smell?" not bothering to ask your sister before picking up her can of vanilla air freshener in which you had gifted her after stating her room had smelled as though she let a skunk inside a couple of weeks ago.

the girls sighed, deflating in relaxation as ashley pulled the joint out from behind her back. "weed." taking a drag of it to ease her previous nerves.

"oh." you tilted your head, watching the two girls sitting on the bed. ashley passed the joint to ellie who instantly took a drag. their hair was dishevelled and tousled, both their hoodies discarded and eyes red as ever, pupils blown large. "is that why you look like you're crying?" ashley nodded. "oh."

ellie took a long drag from the joint, looking your frame up and down. you were dressed in a summers dress, her favourite, it was white with little lilac flowers littered around the fabric, a woollen purple cardigan hanging over your frame too. her eyes moved down to your thighs, you seemed to notice and did something that made ellie almost groan. you squeezed them together, clearing your throat. instead, she smirked, poor baby, you didn't even know what was wrong. ellie knew the feeling well, it was the same feeling that left her in her bedroom on many nights with her hand between her legs, the image of you caught in her mind.

"thought you were at church with mom and dad." the church had a thousand events for the community a week and you were always there but this time, you shook your head.

"me, ruth and maxine went to the movies." you moved so you could open up your sisters wardrobe, she made no attempt to argue.

"ruth and maxine? those girls you were talking to in school?" you nodded, picking at her unfolded clothes. ruth and maxine were two known lesbians, it was a wonder how your parents let you hang out with them, there was only one solution to the question, they didn't know.

"whatcha lookin' for, sweetheart?" passing the joint to ashley. the girl was used to ellie's nicknames for you, she learned to tune herself out. ellie leaned forward, elbows to her knees to crane her neck in attempts to glance into the wardrobe. half the clothing were her own, she may be some use, she may not.

your cheeks reddened at the petname. "ash took my yellow shirt." sending a playful glare towards her sister who simply blew smoke out, rolling her eyes. ellie assumed it was the one you adored more than anything, tight short sleeved light yellow and always clinging to your body. yeah, ellie couldn't forget something that looked that good on you.

"i know how you feel, ashley's always stealing my clothes too." an accusing glare being sent her way.

ashley threw her hands in the air. "why are we hating on me right now?" ellie sent you a glance with brows raised that had a small giggle falling from your lips. "and y/n/n i'm pretty sure i left it at sofia's house." you turned to give her an unamused look. "i'll get it back, promise."

you nodded and began picking up the few articles of clothing you had left drop. you folded them before adding them on top because unlike your sister, you wanted her room to be clean. you picked up one of the larger shirts and flipped it around. "this is so cool!" it was a dark grey shirt that looked much too big to fit you and had a skeleton design to make it look as though someone was looking inside your chest and stomach.

ellie turned her head up to look at it. "oh, that's mine." she stated, realising that it was her shirt that she had left too many sleepovers ago. she bit down on her bottom lip watching the way you seemed in awe of her clothing. "you can have it."

your eyes went wide, biting down on your bottom lip. "oh, no i can't take it." suddenly feeling a little embarrassed, you didn't wish to steal her clothing.

"no, seriously, ashley takes my clothes all the time." again, ashley rolled her eyes. "seriously, i don't wear it anymore." truth be told, she couldn't remember the last time she had even seen that shirt.

"are— are you sure?" you mumbled behind the fabric. you really did like the shirt.

ellie didn't stay over that night, joel had stated that he wanted another movie night and who was she to refuse? however, she did decide that the next night would certainly be spent at the l/n household. joel approved, somewhat. he had met ashley a too many times to count and he truly did like her, he thought that she and ashley were very alike and he liked that. he didn't care for the l/n family, not the mother and father at least, he had heard many stories of what they were like from ashley and that was certainly enough to keep him away. however, on the times that he went to gatherings or even mass like on christmas, when he felt obliged to, he saw you, y/n l/n and every time he questioned ellie why she didn't bring you over to the house. she always stated that you guys simply 'weren't like that' but your excited grin and wave when she entered the church spoke something else.

she brought her hand up to the white door, knocking softly while kicking around dust with her shoe. she always covered her tattoo at your house, it was one thing to get a tattoo at sixteen in front of joe miller who really couldn't care less but even at her age now, she wouldn't be caught dead showing it to your parents, she knew how much they disliked her already.

the door swung open to reveal a distressed looking ashley. "oh, thank god you're here." practically pulling ellie in the door, she made a noise of complaint at the abruptness. "this house is officially fucking scaring me."

ellie bent down slightly to her friend. "what's going on?" whispering, seeing as she had noticed how ashley had done the same.

"mom and dad have finally lost it, that's what going on." she stopped ellie in front of the stairs, where they could barely peek into the living room where the whole scene was unfolding.

"but that's not fair!" you were sat on the couch, your parents standing tall in front of you, intimidating you. your eyes rung red, lashes wet and cheeks tear stained. "t-they're my friends!" blubbering out through your feeble cries. ellie's brows furrowed and her eyes softened at the sight of you so upset. you were a bubbly girl, always obliging to everything and here you were feebly trying to defend whatever you were working against, it seemed to be failing tremendously.

"you have never spoken back to us like this." your father stated in a disappointed tone that made your gut twist. "whether you can see it or not, these 'friends' are changing you. they're a bad influence!" you scoffed, turning your face away from them as you roughly wiped your tear stained cheeks. you felt pathetic, crying in front of them and for something so utterly stupid. ellie watched with a sad frown etched to her face watching as you sunk into the couch, you looked so... small.

"don't give us that attitude!" your mother yelled upon seeing you scoff.

you gave them desperate, pleading eyes. "i didn't say anything." voice breaking as if you finally began to give up, you always did with your parents.

"do you know how much your father does for you?" your mother was not as tall as your father but certainly just as scary. "and for you to throw it away like that! do you know what would have happened if someone saw you there?!" she was getting in your face, much too close for a parent.

ashley tugged on ellie's arm, leading her up the stairs while ellie's eyes stayed strained on you until you were finally out of view. "they were driving through town today." ellie nodded, listening to every word hanging from ashley's lips. "and they ran into y/n with her new friends, ruth and maxine."

ellie's brows furrowed in confusion. "i thought your parents were okay with them."

"yeah they were." she opened the door to her bedroom. "until they found out they were gay." ellie's look went cold. they didn't know she herself was gay but that didn't matter because ashley had tarnished the name already, they wouldn't care if she was friends with ellie, it was simply the fact that it was y/n l/n their precious bead and they simply couldn't afford another 'screw up'.

ellie bit down on her bottom lip, cracking her knuckles. "what fucking tools." her brows were tied together, a burning feeling buried inside her chest. "should we say something?" as if your parents would ever hear the girl out.

ashley simply shook her head. "would just make it worse. for us and for her." ellie nodded her head despite the way she bit down on her bottom lip, taking a seat on the bed. "look, don't worry about it, ellie." she took a seat next to her friend. "the worst they can do is kick her into the bedroom and make her pray herself to sleep." a small chuckle falling from her lips, she knew her sister and her parents well, yes, they were hard on her but they'd never do anything to hurt her. "she'll be okay." ellie nodded once more, sitting herself back on the pillows and flicking through the dvd's in which ashley had left out on the bed, ready to pick one. it seemed as though the girl was contemplating something but ellie paid no mind. maybe she should have, she may have been able to prevent the next words that tumbled from her lips. "seriously though, ellie, you gotta get over this crush." ellie's hands froze.

with wide eyes, she looked up at her best friend. "what? i don't—"

ashley cut her off. "ellie, i know." and the simple sentence was enough to send ellie's thoughts into a spiral. "and it's okay it's just—you saw how my mom and dad were because she had gay friends... and you know y/n doesn't like to upset daddy dearest."

the older girl sighed, defeated. "are you mad?"

ashley almost laughed. "mad?" grinning as she shook her head. "on the contrary, i'm rooting for you."

that night ellie didn't sleep much, worry-filled thoughts swarming her mind. it was rare that ellie williams found herself awake, nevermind at the l/n house at this kind of hour. she couldn't help it, the way her mind so easily floated back to you. the way your teary eyes gazed up at your parents, she felt so bad. guilt consumed her and yet she had nothing to feel guilty for. she wondered how a little lust that day she had met you in the church, looking pretty in a red dress had gotten her here, losing sleep over wondering if you were okay. you were the family favourite, you did everything right and it was for them. ellie couldn't shake the thought of your pretty eyes filled with tears or the way your lips turned darker due to the crying, red raw from the way you had gnawed on it so hard, attempting to block out your own parents voices. ellie couldn't remember when the shouting stopped that night but ashley did everything she could to block it out, playing music, talking extra loud, even going as far as laughing madly at one of ellie's jokes that wasn't even funny. ashley was your sister, certainly she felt some sort of sympathy for you. and she did, for she knew that when these things happened she couldn't intervene, she had before and it was safe to say that things didn't end well for either of you. so she blocked the majority of everything out. ellie sighed and sat up in the double king sized bed. she looked down at ashley. "ashley. ash." pushing her frame around to wake her, all she got was a groan and a swat on the hand. ashley turned around, plopping herself back on the bed and snoring rather loudly, ellie fought very hard not to roll her eyes to the back of her head. there was simply no way she was getting any sleep yet, so she took it upon herself to get out of the bed, there was no luck by staring up at the ceiling and drowning in her own thought consuming mind.

she turned and hung her feet off the side of the bed, pulling on her grey socks so her feet could hit the floor calmly.

ellie scratched at the back of her neck as she walked down the stairs as quietly as humanly possible. she needed some water, then she'd go back to bed, she promised herself that much after all it would be her that was shook awake before nine in the morning.

stepping into the kitchen, the girl momentarily froze at the sight of you, sipping on water as you leaned against the counter. you too froze, eyes blown wide. when did ellie get here? had she been listening the whole time? suddenly, you went red with embarrassment at the thought of ellie listening to you fight with your parents, crying and yelling. "ellie— hi."

"hey, baby." you ignored the way your stomach twisted and your heart jumped not one but two paces. ellie ignored the way her own did the very same as she saw you dressed in her, now your, shirt with only the smallest of baby pink shorts to accompany it, so small that ellie wouldn't have noticed it if not for the obvious contrast in colors between it and the shirt. "can't sleep?" you shook your head, sipping on the glass of water while ellie got her own, filling it from the faucet. you ignored the silence aside from water splashing into the clear cup, ellie ignored the way her eyes flickered towards your pretty silver cross still sitting idly on your chest. ellie knew she shouldn't ask but surprise surprise her lips parted anyway. "ashley told me why you were fighting." you bit down on your bottom lip. "you okay?"

"yeah, i just—" you could feel yourself getting emotional again already. god, y/n, pull yourself together. "i don't know how to tell ruth and maxine that i'm not allowed to talk to them anymore." looking down at your white socks.

"you're not allowed to talk to them at all?" shaking your head, you shuffled your feet around. "because they're gay?" you looked up in slight shock by how easily the word came out in such a casual tone. you weren't even permitted to whisper the word as it was.

clearing your throat, you shook away your slight shock. "yeah and—and i think it's stupid." furrowing your brows together. ellie hadn't heard you state your opinion loud enough before, or at all really, you went along with everything your parents said as to not upset them, doing the very same with your sister, she listened silently. "because they can have their own beliefs, i don't care it's just—they're my friends. and i don't care that they're gay because it doesn't change anything. and i liked having gay friends because they..." they understood you. you stopped mid sentence, eyes wide at what you were almost ready to admit. your eyes snapped towards ellie who was watching you, her glass of water now abandoned on the counter as she waited patiently for you to finish your sentence. "I'm sorry, i don't know why i said all that." suddenly you wished you were inside your bedroom, being sucked into your bed sheets, yeah, that sounded pretty nice right about now. "i'm sorry, i have to go to bed."

and you tried to escape and almost did if it weren't for the hand that instantly caught your arm. you could see ellie's tattoo now that she was in a tank top, her hand was much larger than your arm, it bound around it easily. "they what?" her eyes pleaded for you to continue.

"ellie..." your eyes moved to the top of her hair, she was so much taller than you, they gazed into her own jade pair of irises, then they moved across her flush cheeks dusted with freckles, along the slope of her nose and finally, they rested on her pink lips. "you know." she did, she always did.

"spell it out for me, angel." you took a step back, she took a step forward, you remembered hitting your back against the counter, stumping you from moving at all.

"you— you can't call me those names anymore, ellie." mumbling as your eyes never stopped their light tracing against her lips.

"why?" whisper so gentle that you almost didn't hear her but you could, very clearly when she was so close, lips so close.

"ellie." almost a warning. "I can't." her face was getting closer, yours was growing hotter, pink dusted your cheeks and your lips almost chased her face. you had never kissed anyone before. that was what she was trying to do wasn't it?

"you can't?" dipping her head down so her face met yours. she didn't stop there. "or you won't?" as her hot breath hit your neck, you sucked in a breath.

"i— i think you should go." but you didn't want her to go, you really didn't want her to go.

"you wan't me here?" as a wet kiss came down to the skin of your neck, you gasped out, blinking. this was a dream, it had to be. you felt almost euphoric as her lips flattened against the crook of your neck, the way they kissed you so delicately as if you were made of glass. she moved her head back up almost instantly, as if her own actions weren't affecting her. her lips brushed against your own, so closely that you could taste her. "or here?"

you weren't proud of what you did next.

main masterlist/ellie's masterlist

[lansangprincess]

What I Want to See in HBH S3!⋆·˚ ༘ *

note that this is a list not to be mistaken as things i expect to see in s3

the introduction of a new trans character !

the introduction of a new character who will have a cutesy and fun lovey storyline for quinni <33

harthony uno reverse card—harper starts to realize she has feelings for ant but is scared to confess bc she's still dealing w her trauma and doesnt want to lose him

ant main storyline !! we find out a lot more about his home life (this is for the bitches w religious trauma, it's me im bitches) and find out what his ethnic background is bc i realized that ive been assuming he's wasian this whole time but it's never actually been said

i miss a parent-child storyline actually (like darren and their dad had in s1). i think quinni would be great for this

chook in jail jfc

sasha home life—could be redemption, could be not. im chill either way, i kinda enjoy getting annoyed at her (just no more ableism pls). if she does get redemption tho could she pls tap into more of her succulent chinese meal, dinussy side like she is so hilarious when she's not being a performative activist lmao

less spider screentime im sorry like hurrayy he's been redeemed but i want to highlight the other characters now

missy&darren storyline. i dont even know what kind of storyline but i just feel like theyd be so entertaining together constantly roasting people

verbally canonizing that ant and harper are queer/pan (established) and spider's demi (new revelation)

ca$h/darren & missy/spider double date could be fun and random. maybe they bump into each other at a carnival or smthn and compete against each other at ring toss idk

another classic hbh mystery to be solved BUT THIS TIME, amerie isn't a main character of it

✧˚ ·the entire main group doing karaoke✧˚ ·

A few more thoughts...

i miss malakai already but i think it would be too narratively convenient for him to come back at the start of the season so i dont want to have any expectations for his (and the amerie/malakai) storyline. imma let the writers take me wherever they want me to go

what i dont want to see is a new love interest for my amerie like i feel bad for the new plot device dressed as a white blond boy that will be tossed away once the amerkai endgame is done cooking

no more darren&quinni angst no more darren&quinni angst no more darren&quinni angst no more darren&quinni angst 😭

what i want to hear in a new season of hbh is some chappell roan like imagine HOT TO GO! playing in hbh it would be amazing

[redr0sewrites]

HI HI!!!! if you do ever decide to write for the archangels i would LOVE sum michael hcs.!!.!!.! i would gobble him up yum yum

jumped skipped and hopped over all my other requests to get to this one LMAO- considering he's non-canon i just went off my own hcs soo yea!!!!

🥀Cw: fluff, smut, bible lore™️, possible religious trauma?

🥀minors dni with the nsfw portion

Sfw:

Michael has lived a long, long time, he's been alive since before earth was even created and has definitely seen some things

he knows that many mortals experience love, yet he never really felt such a strong connection until he met you. of course he loved his "family", but michael was a stranger to true love

HES SUCH A GENTLEMAN! michael definitely puts your needs before his, and i hc his love languages to be quality time and acts of service. he loves having you by his side more than anything, and is always spending time with you.

he's the type to give you lots and lots of flowers! you two probably have a garden that he goes to get flowers from, because he just loves how happy you get at such a seemingly simple gesture

michael is very protective, but not in a limiting way, he just wants to make sure your safe. after lucifer fell from heaven and created original sin, michael had to step up and take on even more heavenly duties. he knows how important it is to keep you safe and he loves you a lot, so he worries about you a lot

he honestly misses lucifer a lot, but he would never admit it. he talks to you a lot about his other siblings and family, and tells you stories about the beginning of earth and heaven's creation. he definitely introduces you to the other archangels, seraphims, and heavenly virtues, and loves that you get along with them. i definitely think you'd become buddies with azrael or gabriel, and y'all would cause shenanigans together (much to michaels dismay)

michael is literally so patient with you, and it's genuinely so sweet. everyone can tell he's WHIPPED, and he honestly doesn't mind. he'll listen to you ramble for hours on end, he'll try more modern food for you, he'll even adopt your music taste once he starts dating you! michael loves you as a whole and wants to enjoy everything you're interested in

HUSBAND MATERIAL. he definitely takes it upon himself to cook for you, he helps you clean, anything you need help with he volunteers to assist you.

michael is SUCH a morning person you can not tell me im wrong. he wakes up really early, and loves watching you sleep peacefully. he makes you breakfast in the morning and when its time for you to wake up, he always wakes you up with kisses or tickles or both! he loves holding you in the morning, but he's a little strict about getting up on time, he does have heavenly duties to attend to after all. if you do manage to wake up before him, you might manage to convince him to stay in bed with you for just a few more minutes. he honestly has such a soft spot for you

you are one of the few people allowed to touch his wings, which is a HUGE sign of trust on michael's part. he usually keeps his wings hidden, but there comes a time when they get so irritating that they just need to be preened. he gets all huffy about it because its "such an inconvenience", and you get to laugh at his pouty face while you gently preen his wings!

i think all the archangels have 6 wings, so it definitely takes a while. michael probably falls asleep halfway through, the feeling of your soft, smaller hands on his wings just makes him feel soft and drowsy. preening often transitions to.... other activities if yk what i mean bc of how sensitive angels' wings are. because michael keeps his wings hidden so often, his wings are especially sensitive and its one of the few times you'lll ever see him blush hehe

he has a really soft, smooth voice, and you LOVE listening to him speak. michael will definitely read to you if you ask, and you can't help but nod off to the sound of his melodic voice. i definitely think most abgels are very musical or at least enjoy music, and if you beg, you may get him to sing for you. his voice is lovely, and he'll sing you soft lullabies in old languages that you can't understand but know are loving

you two very rarely argue, and whenever you do come to a disagreement, michael adamantly refuses to raise his voice at you. he would never yell at you or say anything harsh, and is more likely to opt to just spend some time apart to think on the disagreement. he never lets you two go to bed upset, and will always sit down to have a conversation with you about any clashes you two have. i dont see him as too stubborn and i think he's willing to compromise on most accounts, but its very rare that you two argue anyway because he's so sweet all the time

Nsfw:

michael is 100% a giver in bed. he loves giving you oral and always prioritizes your pleasure over his own. he's always focused on making you cum first and really enjoys pleasing you

i see him as a switch, he could definitely be a pleasure dom but i also see him as a bit of a sub as well. sometimes all of his work and overall stress gets to his head, and he trusts you enough to let you take the reins and get him out of his own head. when he subs, he's definitely much louder and a lot whinier. he's definitely not a brat and would probably do anything you ask him to

he has a praise kink both ways, and loves showering you in praise. michael definitely likes mirror sex, and will tell you to call yourself beautiful of pretty or handsome as he fucks you.

"darling, look at how pretty you are. c'mon, i want to hear you say it. look in the mirror, don't you see how pretty you are?"

eye contact is important to him, and he enjoys a lot of basic positions like missionary and things like that, but i also see him being into lotus position because he loves being so close to you.

michael isn't very loud when it comes to sex, but he is big on talking to you. he loves whispering sweet nothings to you as you cum, and praising you in how well you took him

he isn't ridiculously vanilla, but he hasn't been very adventurous either. while i don't think he's had any official relationships before you, i dont see him as a virgin. he's probably slept with a few people, so he has some experience, but he's still learning as well. i think he's down to try most things as long as you're into them, but he wouldn't want to hurt you too much

michael may feel a bit awkward about sex, sure he knows its not a big deal, but a part of him doesn't want to overstep any of your boundaries either. he wants you to know that he's with you because he loves you, not just for sex and will make that abundantly clear. y'all definitely have a serious conversation about it before the first time you have sex, and you definitely have a safeword

GUYS HEAR ME OUT but i think he'd have a bit of a corruption kink. he'd never admit it but the thought of him being your first is SUCH a turn on, and he really loves when you get so fucked-put that you're incoherent. i think he'd be down for a bit of role play, but only if you're into it and it would definitely relate to some sort of corruption or religious corruption

i don't think he'd degrade you too much, but i do think he might mock you a bit. "oh, you were such a devout little thing, i wonder what the others would think of you now darling. sucking in my cock like a vice, you really aren't so innocent after all, aren't you dear?"

he loves overstimulating you until you're incoherent, but i don't think he's big on orgasm denial. he loves pleasuring you and he loves rewarding you more than anything. the only time i see him really denying your orgasms is if you've been a major brat and have pushed him over the edge, or if you ask him to. either way he's gonna mock you a bit on how filthy you are, but will still praise you for taking it so well

he has definitely bought you a lot of pretty little necklaces and loves seeing you in nothing but the gifts he bought you. the way the charm bounces against your chest as he fucks you, it drives him crazy! especially if theyre gold or if theyre cross necklaces, bc its so similar to his color scheme

he likes holding your hand during sex. its very intimate, and he always gives your hand a little squeeze as he's coming

i think one of the few things he's against during sex is hurting you. sure, he'll mock you here and there, but hurting you? no, its just a turnoff for him. your the most precious thing in his life, he'd never want to hurt you even in jest. if you really, really wanted him to you might get him to tie you down or maybe hold your throat/face while he fucks you, but he would never go as far as to hurt you

when it comes to you fucking him, he loves to be praised and pampered. its a bit embarrassing, but he's often so overworked and pent up that he really loves being treated sweetly. he might cry a bit during sex, trust me he's ok, he just gets overstimulated really easily. michael definitely enjoys it tho!

speaking of overstimulation, PLEASE touch his wings during sex! you'll get the sweetest moans and whimpers from him, and he'll get so whiny. its one of the few times he'll beg, and he both loves and hates when you make him cum untouched by only stroking his wings

aftercare is very important to michael, and he always takes time to clean you both up. it's an unspoken agreement that whoever tops cleans up the other first and starts the bath while the person who subbed takes a minute to catch their breath. he always wipes down your thighs and cleans you off, and when it comes to baths, he'll always make sure everything is ready before carrying you to the tub. when he's subbing, he'll probably try his best to help you but may push himself a bit too hard because he's so tired. PLEASE kiss him and pamper him in the tub, tell him how much you love him!!!!

hes genuinely just so sweet in bed and during aftercare, and overall cares about you a lot

PLSSS THE HYPWRFIXATION IS INSANE. I LOVE ALL THE ARCHANGELS AND HEAVEN AUS SM!!!!!!!!! CRYING BEGGING PLEEEADING FOR YALL TO SEND IN REQUESTS FOR ANYONE FROM THE HEAVEN AUS. the one im most familiar with is @esbellesantos au and my fav is azrael so PLSSS feel free to send in azrael reqs 😇 anyways hope yall enjoyed!!! i loved writing this sm!!!!

[genericpuff]

I wonder why christian misrepresentation are rarely talked about if compared to other religion misrepresentation. Like, I've seen people really vocal about Greek myths misrepresentation in LO and such (and it's valid because it's a culture and religion) but I rarely saw the same thing with christian even though there are many media who use christian religion innacurately, to the point where it comes off as using it as an aesthetic and not a proper religion.

Is it because of rampant religious trauma especially in western world? No ulterior motives on this question. I'm not a christian and yet I'm curious about this. I apologize if this sounds harsh.

I obviously don't have The Answer(tm) to this but personally speaking (and I'm about to get VERY personal here so take this with MOUNTAINS OF SALT), I think it's just the obvious - Christian mythology is one of the most well-documented and strongly protected out of virtually any other religion on the planet. Especially here in the West, it's commonplace for kids to go to Sunday school, for couples to have Christian weddings even if they're not practising Christians themselves, even the American anthem references the Christian God. It's simply not as easy to 'misrepresent' it because the representation is written into our very fabric of society. Even Greece itself is primarily made up of Orthodox Christians.

So anyone that does 'misrepresent' it are either completely mislead hardcore Christians, or people who are doing it intentionally, such as with the intent to make a parody of it or to deconstruct it through a different context or whatever have you. And of course, people will still get mad at those things, if you're implying that people aren't vocal about Christian misrepresentation then frankly IDK what to tell you there LOL If you want a contextual example in the realm of webtoons, Religiously Gay was dragged to hell and back during its launch for having a very crude and insulting depiction of St. Michael, and frankly, yeah I don't disagree because what the fuck is this-

(like at best it's just terrible character design lmao that said, there's also plenty else to criticize Religiously Gay for, including its fetishy representation of gay relationships and the fact that it's still just the "naive person who looks and acts like a child hooks up with mean person in a position of power" trope, blech, but the character design is definitely the first thing you notice)

There are even plenty of hardcore Christians who will deadass claim "misrepresentation" over things that ARE factually correct but they just haven't read the actual Bible and simply cherry pick what works for their own agenda. And of course those people are routinely called out by people like myself who know for a fact that Jesus wouldn't have promoted the war crimes that many modern day Christians are committing and justifying today. So it really depends on the definition of "misrepresentation" here.

The issue specifically with LO and Rachel that I personally call her out for (and many others) is that she's called herself a "folklorist" and claimed she's so much more knowledgeable on Greek myth than anyone else, while making a complete mockery of the original mythologies while not being honest about her intent as to whether LO is actually supposed to be a legitimate retelling OR a parody (because it sure acts like the latter more than the former, but she still seems to expect us to take it seriously and consider her knowledge of Greek myth superior?) Which leads to a lot of her teenage audience claiming shit like "Persephone went down to the underworld willingly" and "Apollo did assault Persephone in the original myths actually" and the classic "why would Lore Olympus lie or make up fake myths?"

You just can't pull off this extent of erasure with Christian mythology because we have a whole ass book of it that's been preserved, sold on shelves, and systematically integrated into society for thousands of years. Of course, there are people who will still try their damned best to twist the Bible to match their own bigotry with the whole "Jesus hates gays" bullshit (he would never), but it's met with equal amounts of 'misrepresentation' that are actually fully well-read and are intentionally subverting and changing things to either critique, parody, or restore the original intent of a lot of stories in the Bible without all the manufactured right-wing crap.

Greek myth, on the other hand, has some stories that are well preserved, and others, not so much. And in the modern day outside of the poems and hymns, you'll also rarely, if ever, see anyone use stories from Greek myth to ostracize, torture, and murder other people. "Misrepresenting Christianity" is more often done by actual Christians who are using the Bible to commit hate crimes than the people who have actually read the Bible and are just taking creative liberties with it for the sake of deconstructing / parodying / analyzing / subverting it. Veggie Tales "misrepresents" Christian stories because obviously Moses wasn't a fucking cucumber lmao but it still accomplishes its goal by retelling Christian stories in a way that's fun and educational for children.

By comparison (on the whole, I'm not comparing LO to Veggie Tales LMAO) LO just isn't clear in its intentions beyond Rachel's initial statements that she was trying to "deconstruct" the myths, while labelling herself as a folklorist. Therefore, I'm going to criticize how she does it because the way she's done it up until now has been very mishandled and has resulted in a lot of misinterpretations of the myths simply for the sake of fandom. And yes, these people exist in Christian media as well - they're called TV evangelists.

And that's my (very heavy) two cents.

[moodymisty]

(This isn't a request, just some Konrad daydreams driven by 4am insomnia that had me screeching and I just have to share with someone while I wait for my meds to kick in!!)

Your recent post about the stinky rat man got me thinking of something truly, hilariously awful: Konrad's favorite meow meow is a PERPETUAL.

Maybe he watches her die. Maybe he accidentally kills her himself. Whatever happens, he'd probably be losing. his. fucking. mind.

..And then she comes back. Oh god, I'm loving imagining at how truly deranged he would be over that. I know he tortures Vulkan SUPER HARD after finding out he's a perpetual, but that seemed driven a lot by "You think you're good and noble(and sane)? I'll drag you down to my level."

I wonder if he'd mistake her as some kind of phantom/delusion brought on by grief and madness at first. Extra comedy: he accidentally(purposely?) kills her again while freaking out over her showing back up alive LMAO. Meow meow can't catch a fuckin' break with this man.

Now I'm wondering how a few other primarchs would react to something similar though

Sanguinius and his sons in mourning and his dead wife just shows back up like "Why did you bury me alive?!" completely unaware she DIED.

Perturabo's shitass sons being like "I told you it was a waste of time!" and then the horror of realizing they didn't escape their step-mom after all.

I'd assume all the primarchs would try to find out what the fuck happened, and maybe go to Malcador for information once they start drawing blanks? Idk.

Fulgrim would so cute, just hyped as fuck. "I have a wife? That won't get old and die before me?? I don't have to lose this one???" Bonus points if she's the last one he was going to marry because he got too heartbroken seeing his wives get old and die over and over 😫 the queen and her corgis vibe forreal

I can't really figure out Mortarion even though he's one of my faves. On one hand, WITCH!! On the other hand,he'd be so relieved the One Good Thing in his life isn't actually gone forevet..

Oh my g o d. Lorgar. Thefucking goddess shit would go CRAZY. Kor Phaeron slamming his head against a wall because he thought he finally WON. HOW DID SHE DO THAT? Some of his followers getting spooked about being rid of her because s u r e l y it was the Powers who orchestrated such a miracle... So maybe she is meant to be here? Uh oh.

Guilliman is another one I'm just like ????. All I can think of, is he'd quietly go find Emps/Malcador and be like "whattheFUCK? explain?please?how?"

It might be because I'm heavily sedated but it's all sO funny to think about. Some legions quietly rejoicing because The Distraction is gone and shejust. Comes back 😭

But can you imagine the parties thrown by the ones who really loved their legion mothers?! And you thought theFUNERAL was extravagant..

Im not sure what time it is there but I hope you slept well and have a good morning! Sorry forcthis stream of consciousness garbage by theway LOL but you always have such cool takes on things I couldnt help muself

This a joy to read friend, I have nothing to add.

Lorgar in particular with a perpetual beloved would be fucking INSANE. His whole religious trauma would be going wild as well as even some of the more apprehensive Word Bearers might be a bit more, respectful.

Imaging Vulkan's wife ends up coming back a few weeks after they desperately mourned her loss, and it's time for the galaxy's largest hug. They form a line.

[apoptoses]

NO I’M NEVER NOT THINKING ABOUT HOW DANIEL IS THE OLDEST OF THE ARMAND BEDPILE IN MORTAL YEARS more than a decade on armand and lestat and still a good bit on louis, that’s a whole different world of development and maturity 😭

anyway what I’m trying to say is that he has the potential to be Daddy to all of them (insert froggy & the cup emoji)

RIGHT i think about this a lot!!

but I also think about how daniel has a modern sensibility as well- he doesn't carry the emotional baggage of religion the way armand, louis, or even lestat (for as much crowing about atheism lestat does, he still very deeply is affected by centuries of exposure to religion) does. he's yet to be weighed down by the march of time, he's not scarred by grief or trauma in the same way as the three of them. he had his period of hyperfixation/madness but that's fairly standard for vampires and he seemingly came out of it very, very well.

so as long as he keeps his shit together i feel like he's got the potential to be a regulated central figure at TG.

(which might be setting the bar low for being regulated lmao leave me alone!!)

and YES this adds up to daddy status which we know would drive louis insane but also armand is the head of TG, lestat is the vampire prince - they'd all be fucking discombobulated by being out daddy-figured by armand's lanky weirdo fledgling just by virture of him being mortally older and less likely to fall off the deep end into a religious depressive episode than the rest of them.

an insane hierarchy tbh i love the four of them

[shaunashipman]

What do you think is the possibility, that buddie becomes canon in the next few seasons? Cause I can’t see it happening tbh.

And what do you think are the chances that Buck and Tommy could be longterm, if not even ‘endgame’?

gonna answer the bucktommy first cause it'll be shorter

we shouldn't be throwing around "endgame" with a showrunner who admits he doesn't plan that far ahead, and also with a tv show where there are other factors that may affect whether a couple stays together. I certainly think they have the potential to be long-term, and with the response being overwhelmingly positive (BoBs and homophobes excluded) I hope tim sees he's struck gold and sticks with them, but anything can change

As for buddie. nonny, i'm going to use this ask to say a probably really unpopular opinion, amongst buddies and probably some bucktommy shippers too.

I really don't think eddie is gay.

with the caveat that, I don't have religious or queer trauma so I may be missing things, but I don't feel that eddie has ever been shown to be attracted to men, unlike buck, who even the GA caught on to some moments. if anything I would have said he was demisexual, which obviously doesn't preclude him liking men, but it also doesn't mean he does. of course the whole nun thing made me question that cause he found out more about his girlfriend and became less sexually attracted to her lmao

(that last part is a joke before anyone comes at me)

anyway, he can still have religious trauma/repression, it just doesn't have to be about his sexuality, religion fucks you up in a lot of ways

so I personally don't think buddie is happening at all, but none of us know anything and anyone throwing around words like "certain" is trynna sell you something

[spacerockfloater]

Hi spacerockfloater!

I've been scrolling through your posts, and I must say, you have done a phenomenal job debating Team Black and Alicent Antis! I think I must have liked almost every one of your Team Green posts. I love the way you are critical of both sides and your in-depth analysis of various scenes throughout the show.

My question is how do you feel about Alicole in season 2 after watching the first episode? I was disappointed that there was no buildup to their sex scene or their relationship as a whole. I was satisfied with their courtly love last season, but extremely disappointed after watching S2.

I've recently started posting pro alicent/pro alicole discussions myself, though before, I was just reblogging them. Team Black stans claim that they don't have any problem with Alicent shagging Cole, (loll). What they don't like is her mocking Rhaenyra for doing the same with Harwin, and I feel like some TG stans are agreeing with that take.

How do you feel about Alicent being called a hypocrite for doing the same thing she called out Rhaenyra for? And how do you refute Team Black when they bring this up?

(Basically, this is me trying get some debate lessons from you lmao)

Forgive me for making this post so long! I hope it isn't a hassle!! :)))

You are literally the sweetest, I beam every time I get a notification from you! Thank you so much for enjoying the content of my blog! It’s no hassle at all, I’d love to explain my views on Alicole. Please remember that this is solely my own interpretation and I hope that it helps you develop your own opinion on their relationship regardless of whether you agree or disagree with me! I hope my post helps you win in the debates to come dearest!

To begin with, I’ve posted a lot of rants about Alicole like this, this, this and this, with this being my best analysis on them. Generally, I’ve spoken a lot about them recently but I’ll try to summarise my thoughts in one post as best as I can.

Okay so, Alicole is my favourite ship in HOTD. Their chemistry when they have conversations together is unmatched. Not only that, but individually, they are both amazing characters in their own right and they share a lot of parallels. They are both victims of the Targaryen dynasty and they both did what their abusers expected them to do, only to end up hated and rejected regardless. What I liked about them together is how soft yet driven and unwavering they were. Despite being wronged, they patiently endured it because they had faith in themselves and trusted that justice would be served. They weren’t desperate. There was a calm yet strong power within them. I loved the way their connection blossomed during the first season. Watching Alicent pull Criston up while they were both at the lowest point of their lives (Alicent’s father leaving, meaning she was completely alone at court and Criston having broken his oath for nothing, while his secret was out and threatened his life) and him responding to her call and rising to stand besides her, was the pinnacle of romance for me. The understanding Alicent shows Criston and the fierce loyalty Criston has for Alicent makes them such a power couple.

In season one, I loved their glances towards one another, their conversations, their agreement on several subjects. I loved that Criston was the first person Alicent called to when she was wronged on Driftmark, because she knew he would do right by her. And I loved that Criston, despite his devotion to Alicent, still felt that he had enough authority to not obey a wish of hers that he thought unfair, but immediately launched forward when she and Nyra got into a fight, taking three other guards to hold him back. Like you, I, too, was a fan of their courtly love and the subtle romance that was building up between them. In the end, they both have sexual and religious trauma, and they deserve to overcome it and live for themselves.

That being said, I think their relationship was treated awfully in the second season. Alicole becoming canon was used as a weapon to enhance the negative feelings the majority of the audience harboured for them, not as a way to explore their personalities further. All the emotional aspect of their relationship has been scrapped off and what’s left behind is that twisted, carnal side of it. Not gonna lie, I used to love watching their scenes together but now I am filled with dread every time they’re on screen because “Oh God, what if it is another sex scene?”. At this point, we have more Alicole sex scenes than we have of Daemyra and they’re purposely doing that to make us dislike them.

The whole reason that I found Alicent and Criston’s relationship so intriguing is because it was a deeper, state-of-mind type of relationship that was based on their common beliefs and experiences, which was a stark contrast to Daemon and Rhaenyra’s catastrophic passion.

And it just doesn’t make sense for a woman whose every sexual experience in her life so far has been rape to run to another man’s arms so suddenly in our eyes. You’re telling me that this girl who was tortured with her own body by not one, but two men, is suddenly all in for casual and hateful sex? I mean, ok I guess, we all react differently to trauma and maybe I’m misinterpreting Alicent’s character and projecting my own ideas on her, but then again I don’t think so. I am much more inclined to believe that this was done on purpose to please the Blacks’ fans. I mean, don’t we remember when Tyrion calls himself a fool for not clocking that a woman who was just sexually assaulted would not jump into his bed immediately after? What happened to that? I get that a woman that hasn’t had intercourse in years, considering Viserys’s health issues and all that, being in need of intimacy but they made it happen too fast.

I would have liked seeing them slowly fall for one another, them touching hands secretly, soft hugs, Alicent’s head on Criston’s chest. I would have liked seeing them ponder on the uncertainty that’s looming over them because “What’s going to happen now? What does the future hold for us?”. But then again, I understand that Condal’s intention is for us to hate them, not to make us like them more, because God forbid someone who’s not up Rhaenyra’s ass is likeable. Overall, I think Ryan generally enjoys using the Greens’s desires to ridicule them. The Alicole sex scenes, Aemond visiting the brothel, the mention of Aegon’s and Helaena’s married life, it all serves as a means to diminish them and embarrass them. Even the way the Alicole sex scenes are filmed, the angle of the camera, the positions, their content, is all just used to make us laugh at them, not to find them sexy, unlike Daemyra’s scenes.

So to summarise my thoughts on them, I am a big fan of Alicole the way they were portrayed in S1, but I do not like the way things escalated between them in S2 in the slightest so far (and that’s probably what Condal wanted anyways). I needed to see more of their romance building up before it turned physical.

Now, when it comes to Team Black calling them hypocrites, at this point I just roll my eyes at them because there’s no reason to argue with a fool. Alicent would have been a hypocrite if she hated Rhaenyra for having sex out of wedlock, but that’s not why she was pissed at her. She criticised her because she was seen in a pleasure house losing her virginity to her own uncle, which is indecent behaviour to say the least and could damage her reputation and her claim to the throne, not to say that it was a big “Fuck you” to Alicent’s face who had toiled hard to get Nyra the opportunity to marry any man in the kingdom, despite Rhaenyra’s hatred for her. She was also angry at her for lying in order to convince her to defend her to Viserys, which ultimately resulted in her father getting fired, a decision she deeply regrets when she finds out that her friend used her. And finally, she is judgemental of her producing bastards, flaunting them around, claiming they are legitimate when they’re clearly not and pushing her own children further down the line of succession. Alicent might not agree with Rhaenyra having sex with other men, that is true, but her hatred and criticism is directed at the effect Rhaenyra’s actions have on her and her family! Alicent has good reason to disapprove of Rhaenyra’s careless behaviour because it directly harms her, she does not criticise Rhaenyra simply for her extramarital activities. People who fail to see that just want to blindly hate on Alicent. Also, Alicent has done her duty. She was loyal to her husband, she gave him children, practically worked as his nurse for years. What duty is she breaking by sleeping with Cole? What else should she be sacrificing? Her relationship with him affects only him and her. Finally, Criston’s ascension symbolises his rebirth into Alicent’s protector. He exists, now, only to serve her interests. He tells her in the last episode that he can never atone for his sins, meaning that he has accepted his mistakes and knows that there’s no point in trying to erase them now. The man that thought his honour is the most important thing in the world died the day Rhaenyra equated him to a whore. I do not understand people’s obsession with wanting Criston to maintain his oath of celibacy, a vow he gave to the family that used him for sex? Sounds like rape apology to me. Him having sex now does not diminish the trauma he went through or how important his oath and honour were to him back then, nor does it minimise the importance of his suicide attempt. It disgusts me to hear people say that. It just shows that Criston has finally more to live for and that he’s retaking his life in his hands again.

Alicent having consensual sex that affects no one in her 40’s, after she birthed 4 children and became a widow, is not the same as Rhaenyra going to a brothel, losing her virginity to her uncle and her guard in the same night, lying that she didn’t, having sex with her uncle on his wife’s and her baby daddy’s funeral and pretending her children have a claim to the throne. Using the “Where’s duty? Where’s sacrifice?” line against Alicent carries the same energy as the Phantom of the Opera mocking Raoul as he chokes him by telling him to “Order [his] fine horses now!” because he was jealous of Raoul when he called his horses to take Christine on a date, something the Phantom could not do. Both of these lines being used against those who said them originally only show the pettiness of the mockers, because Alicent is not dismissing any duties or sacrifices by having sex with Criston, same as Raoul was not flaunting his wealth when he called for his carriage. The Team Black stans who use this line, just like the Phantom, are simply demonstrating their own jealousy and insecurities by trying to make fun of Alicent in a way that doesn’t even make sense. She has made sacrifices aplenty, her duty is fulfilled and now her watch has ended.

[maddsmallow]

i'm so sorry to ONCE AGAIN complain out loud about people who see hank and connor as father/son but. oh my god. tell me you don't understand hank's character at all without telling me you don't understand hank's character at all (or even connor's), or you just truly don't care to actually acknowledge the canon of the game because you don't like the ship, which by the way is FINE.

hank's entire story in the game is being unable to cope with the death of his very human and very irreplaceable son. to even insinuate that cole is someone whose position in hank's life could be replaced would likely get you fucking shot in the head and then hank taking himself out too because that idea is just TOO painful and he finally just completely snaps. the idea that no one understands what cole meant to him, the absolute disrespect towards hank's son to think he could just be replaced as if he were a trinket and not his child that he raised and loved more than anything in the world—it would just be too much for hank. you don't just replace a child. it's not the having-a-child/being-a-father that hank wants, it's cole. it's being the father to an alive, happy, and healthy cole. not fucking connor, an android he met like a week ago. who is an ageless robot programmed to both look and act like a late 20s/early 30s man and NOT a child, and has the entire world's information in his brain, and who kills people and goes to a sex club. to think hank would replace his son with connor is straight up just delusional. hank would be so genuinely mentally fucked to do that—like i'm talking some dead dove do not eat level delusional shit where hank is truly convinced connor is his son or could pretend to be his son to ease the pain of having lost cole. that he can just force this robot who just gained his freedom to play pretend that he's his son and everything will be hunky dory. connor is not "hank's chance to be a dad again." connor is his own person who is NOT a child or even childlike, hank IS a dad to a dead son, and the fact that it seems like some people think you can just replace your dead child is just truly fucking wild and absurd to me.

and don't even get me STARTED on the whole "but hank calls connor son!!" thing. no the fuck he does not. i call people bro all the time. they are not my brother. i say "oh my god!" all the time. i'm not even religious LMAO. it's just a thing you say, it's just a cultural thing. and yeah, maybe it doesn't make sense for hank, a millennial, to say that, seeing as it's much more of an older generation type thing to call a younger person, but david cage is a fucking idiot and didn't actually care to make hank very millennial-like at all, so like. no, he does not call connor his actual fucking son. there is nothing here to argue that this is proof of a father/son relationship. hank's just an old guy being portrayed by and written by older-than-a-millennial guys.

that all being said !!! i'm not even coming at this from the perspective of a shipper. canonically, the very most they ever are is like, trauma bonded besties. i think people who are like "hankcon is SO ACTUALLY CANON" are also way up their asses and incorrect LMAO. at the very very most, they are just. close, trusted friends. there is so little or even nothing to point to anything romantic or father/son. hank may be a slight mentor to connor just having been a human for a long time and has lots of experience, but that in no way makes connor a child in comparison, nor does it mean it makes hank his dad. and hank even being a mentor-like figure is also debatable lmao, hank asks questions that make connor question cyberlife, but he's not even the one to make him deviate.

also if connor is a child, why is reed900 okay? why is ANY android ship acceptable? (no hate for the ship, i'm just making a point that what's applied to connor/hank for some reason doesn't apply anywhere else and it's so hypocritical.)

anyways. i can't stop anyone from believing what they wanna believe. literally made a post yesterday about how me not tagging my posts with ship names isn't the win people think it is cuz i'm still over here considering it ship art just cuz that's how i like to see them lmao, so that absolutely also applies to people with different views. this was just. me ranting about how fundamentally flawed the argument that they are father/son is. again, they aren't anything more than friends canonically. there is NO evidence to point to anything more than that or enemies, and to stand there and say the game CLEARLY portrays them as father/son is just literally factually incorrect.

david cage saying he based them off of his relationship with his dad is straight up bullshit and he only said it after the game came out and he became aware of the ship because he's a homophobic jackass. bryan dechart, if you pay attention, is SO careful during dbh streams to never say anything to imply anything other than just friendship between hank and connor because that's all there is, and to say that father/son or romantic implications were there would be to shake a jar of killer bees and split the fandom even further when all he wants to do is enjoy the goddamn character he acted lmao. clancy brown is on record saying NO they do not have a father/son relationship. there is NO EVIDENCE. to support it. or even anything more than just. friends. it is not canonical. stop calling father/son canonical. it is not canonical. you just don't like the ship, and that's FINE.

basically. even as a shipper, platoniconk is where it's at LMAO

that's my rant bye

[catboymoments]

Are we talking about Hunter's taste in music? Because I have input for the conversation

I used to hc Hunter as listening to ska/punk and other miscellaneous punk music. I had a whole playlist of songs I thought he'd like lmao. A lot of it was me projecting on him though so idk how genuinely accurate it'd be. I do like the idea of him listening to Five Iron Frenzy though. Religious trauma converting to righteous anger at the world is very him

Like yes I feel like Hunter listens to punk stuff but I also think that if he ever found certain other artists (mitski, the front bottoms, marina) he would lay on the floor for a moment and be in his feelings. That shit is relatable

Do NOT let his ass listen to valley of the dolls!!!!!!!!!!

[blue-thief]

respectfully asking you to drop those trans hcs for the bllk boys!!!

yeah sure ofc i'm so glad you asked!

i'll split them up based on which NEL team they're on for the sake of my own sanity

(i don't actually hc ALL of them to be trans so i'll just mention the ones i actually have a hc for lol)

bastard munchen

kaiser - THE most trans-coded of the bunch imo. like the whole thing with the blue rose tattoo to represent "turning the impossible into reality" and "defying the natural order of things". and his full name is "michael kaiser" which can be interpreted as "god's chosen emperor". there's no way bro was given that name at birth. he's also coded to have religious trauma which would become much more layered if you interpret him as trans. he's also, interestingly enough, the only one to NOT have a metal chain around his neck on his cover. he's the only one with glass. a lot of ppl have interpreted this as him having a fragile ego, but glass can also be taken to symbolize transformation (i just pulled this from a random website talking about the spiritual meaning of glass lmao). ALSO also him being annoyed by his long hair in ness's flashback. trans. plus his insecurity concerning how good he is in comparison to (who he perceives as) cis players just screams insecure trans masc who's relying too much on toxic masculinity to affirm his gender to his peers lmao.

ness - he totally thought he would have to fight his parents on this but they were surprisingly cool with it + even helped him w puberty blockers and stuff. he still hates them for the anti-magic stuff but at least they're not transphobic?

isagi - don't ask me to explain this i just get those vibes

noa - (reporter) "what is your opinion on trans people with an unfair biological advantage in sports?" (noa, a trans man who transitioned wayy before he got famous) "i AM trans people with an unfair biological advantage in sports"

pxg

shidou - he just has bigender vibes man. japanese isn't big on third-person pronouns, but once he starts getting better at english, he'd def start collecting pronouns like pokemon cards. he figured out his identity through chainsaw man ("wow denji's just like me fr but so is angel devil but so is asa but so is-")

ubers

(i have nothing for any of the ubers. feel free to prove me wrong)

fc barcha

bachira - non-binary but he doesn't know it yet (any and all pronouns once he does figure it out)

manshine city

chigiri - peak gender, everyone confuses him for a girl. he uses masculine language, and while he sometimes acts annoyed when ppl call him princess, he doesn't bother correcting them. does anyone actually know chigiri's gender? no. does he know what it is? yes. will he tell anyone? no. he thinks it's funny to keep ppl guessing with the constant contradictions

reo - i didn't actually hc him as trans at first but the post i was complaining about earlier was dunking on this hc specifically so uhhh yeah he's trans now sorry i don't make the rules <3. his dad's company also pioneered top surgery that doesn't leave any scars which is why no one in bllk has any. like with ness, his dad is surprisingly not transphobic but he sucks in other ways lmao (but now that you think of it, his whole struggle with wanting to live a life completely different from what his parents had in mind for him IS a very trans-coded backstory)

[stillfrownyclownlol]

I don't like Christmas tbh but idk consider this a Christmas gift lmao

Holiday headcanons for the kids :p

Ashlyn

-Doesn't have any strong feelings about Christmas. Kinda overstimulating for her ngl

-hates when people come carolling to the house :) like hello she doesn't need her ears to bleed as a holiday gift okay

-when she was younger she used to go to church with her parents but she's stopped as she got older

-found Santa to be a creepy concept even when she was little lol

-she doesn't really like getting gifts from people besides her parents and she has THE WORST gift buying anxiety like. She has no idea what people want 🤡

-does like the food tho. Probably the only time of the year when she'll eat more than one plate.

-Weak spot for Logan's Christmas cookies.

Aiden

-he's spent a lot of Christmases alone watching holiday movies. He likes Christmas but he definitely doesn't associate it with spending time with his family or anything.

-he gives people really expensive gifts lmao. He's actually pretty good at gift giving, but he SUCKS at wrapping them, usually ends up with his hand cut up from the scissors and covered with tape.

-Loves Christmas movies, they give him a sort of nostalgia for a Christmas he never had. Really likes Elf and Home Alone (absolutely destroyed his house copying some of the traps)

-definitely the type of guy to look up weird Christmas games to play at the party because like Hell he's gonna have a boring party >:(

-Eats enough food to go into a food coma and then stays up all night anyways.

-believed in santa a littleeee too long.

-Blasts Christmas songs so loud the whole neighbourhood will hear it.

-definitely plotting how to get Ash under the mistletoe somehow (cuz he's a schemer you know it). Probably doesn't work, but doesn't hurt to try 🫠

Ben

-he LOVESSSS listening to carolling and Christmas songs. It makes him so happy <3

-Top Priority: Get an awesome gift for Lily >:) very careful with his gift shopping and he spends a lot of time for each person.

-Likes decorating the house, loves decorating the tree... likes stringing popcorn too :)

-he just really loves the cozy atmosphere Christmas brings. Likes huddling up in his blankets drinking hot cocoa and hanging out with his family ~

-Misses snow, since it doesn't snow in Georgia.

-Goes ice-skating if he can, Taylor's been teaching him ^_^

-Likes those pretty advent calendars but he has a hard time waiting for each day, so there's like a 60% chance he'll eat everything at once lol

-him and Lily dress up to take holiday photos, it's one of his favourite things to do cuz LILY LOOKS SO CUTE WITH HER LITTLE REINDEER HEADBAND AGHHH ✨️✨️✨️

Tyler

-Grinch lookin ahh mf 💀 Hates Christmas cuz he's grumpy >:( He still gonna go along with everything tho cuz Taylor loves it

-Sometimes he goes to mass because Christmas is the only time he will go to church. (He has that Catholic boy trauma)

-Helps Taylor make her little nativity scene so they can decorate the house.

-Can make a hell of a Nochebuena dinner 😌 everything so his mom and sis can have a good time (They really like his bacalao, tamales, and sometimes he makes rompope)

-prefers Spanish songs than English ones (El Burrito Sabanero goes hard/hj)

-his favorite flowers are Flors de Nochebuena :>

-if you got a gift from him Taylor picked it. (It's fair since he pays for it tho...)

Taylor

-She's SOOOOO GOOD AT DECORATING. She's amazing at detangling the lights LMAO When she's done with the tree, she makes it look like a work or art :>

-usually goes to mass with her mom even if she's not personally religious.

-Loves singing along to Christmas music and likes to go carolling!

-Loves giving gifts, and she really loves Secret Santa! She really likes making homemade gifts because a) it feels more heartfelt to her and b) they don't have a lot of money 😭

-Likes to make Rosca de Reyes, she really hopes she will get the little plastic doll baked in :D

Logan

-Mixed feelings about Christmas since it's a time where he gives a lot of thought to his faith (He got that queer religious trauma.)

-Goes to church with his grandparents every year even tho he has a lot of anxiety about it. His cookies are really popular at church tho :>

-Sugar fiend and bakes a lot. He loves hot chocolate, sugar cookies, Christmas pudding, all that jazz. Has a hard time picking gifts so he usually offers food! He likes fruitcake cuz he's weird like that.

-Really likes making the wreath they hang on the front door, it's like flower arranging. Puts up a lot of holly and a hidden mistletoe to surprise his grandparents ^_^

-Winter is usually a good time to stargaze, so before he met the gang, he'd stay up late to look at the sky. His grandpa usually gets him a better telescope each year :)

-he cooks gingerbread and with Taylor he likes to decorate a pretty little gingerbread house ❤️

-probably has a lot of really ugly Christmas sweaters haha, he gets cold easily!

[lauren-no-why]

Redmayne Brothers breakdown?

Phew, okay, here we go! Three characters to answer for, I love you for asking this, haha.

Johnnie

How I feel about this character: My precious baby boy, I adore him. Reckless perfect terrible child. Pat him on the head, he brings so much joy.

Ship romantically: None in canon. Johnnie/his ego, Johnnie/hedonism, Johnnie/so many girls he doesn't remember the names of and maybe a few he does but not in a serious way. He's a ladies boy, or certainly thinks of himself that way, and none of it is romance but it is very definitely lust and pleasure.

Also thanks to some very long-running eternally-ongoing shenanigans I ship him with Chrissy Cunningham from Stranger Things. @spectromagic knows.

Non-romantic OTP: Man it's not an OTP it's just these three brothers and their dynamic. I love them all even if it's mostly headcanon (BEN!!! PLEASE GIVE US MORE). I think they've all leaned on each other a lot over the years and Johnnie looks up to Dale and Alex so much. I can only imagine how absolutely devastated they are by his death (BEN!! GIVE) and that tragedy feeds me.

Unpopular opinion: I don't care at all for the Buck/Johnnie ship. Doesn't work for me. Buck is very clearly obsessed with Lee to the point of absolute ruin. I think the cigarette scene was mostly meant as a way to show that Buck can interact with the ghosts and also that he's super freaked out by this (at first) but then later just like, accepting of it. Does not read as shippy to me.

One thing I wish would happen/had happened with this character in canon: Oh I desperately hope we run into him again, causing trouble out there in ghost form, because clearly we know he's still around. Also I absolutely MUST know more about his whole backstory and also whatever he saw in his visions and also whatever he experienced while black-brained because I live and die for cosmic horror and you know that's some really horrific shit.

Dale

How I feel about him: Without dumping paragraphs of headcanon here, good lord I adore Dale. We know he's brilliantly creative when it comes to music, and must have quite the force of personality also to be a co-leader of the gang. There's so much there to draw from, and then we also know (or it's implied, I guess) that a lot of the music that survives to the modern era via Lord Huron covers was massively inspired by Johnnie's death, maybe as a way to cope. I feel for him so much. Poor Dale.

Ship romantically: Look we have nothing to go off of, but if I had to name names I'd just go with the lovely Ms. Penny Clicks there at his side in the Fool for Love MV. In my head they had a thing once and are now buddies that absolutely lean on each other a lot, where he trusts her to get shit done that needs to get done. Big fan of the lady gang members as a whole.

Part of me also wants to ship him with Rigo but that isn't fair because it's purely invented and Rigo is like, dead or vanished anyway and so the only purpose that serves is to dump more trauma on his head.

Non-romantic OTP: See this answer in Johnnie's section.

Unpopular opinion: I don't... think there are enough popular opinions here to even go off of lmao

One thing I wish would happen/had happened with this character in canon: Hey Ben can you give us more, thanks. I would like more. At least mention him eventually again since his name hasn't come up since Strange Trails and it's killing me.

Alex

How I feel about this character: The absolute pillar of these three, my third best boy, Alex I adore you so much. When there is no dad you must become the dad. Strength both physically and mentally. His crew has so much respect for him, Johnnie adores him, you know that he's always doing his absolute best to make sure everyone has what they need and are causing the most havoc in the right ways at all times. Champion. In my head he's almost religiously dedicated to the World Ender and has taken this leadership role very seriously. He's like a paladin but of a violent street gang that's part cult to some unearthly being. So good. So good.

Ship romantically: I accidentally started shipping him with Moonbeam in like a nonromantic but FWB way and I'm obsessed with this dynamic now. He doesn't trust many people but he does trust her, and she's more than earned it.

Non-romantic OTP: See this answer in Johnnie's section.

Unpopular opinion: Buddy who else even has opinions about Alex, we barely have anything on him, I'm glad that my head is a lively place full of extrapolation and daydreams.

One thing I wish would happen/had happened with this character in canon: What the FUCK he didn't even get a single speaking line??? Peter Mendoza is such a sweetheart and a talented actor and he didn't even get a line??? Wasted opportunity. Bring him back. Let's see the violence he will unleash on Z'Oiseau following Johnnie's death. The man is an absolute force of nature leading LA's most feared gang. I need to see this desperately.

[dotster001]

"Saint" James; origins

About James. Born in the 1800's, a young man begins to do unexplainable things. To his village, the only explanation is that he was one of God's chosen.

The truth was he was a young man with a gift for magic and prophecy. But that's not something he wants to accept.

The history books say Saint James died a martyr, sacrificing himself to a monster in order to save a poor woman.

The history books don't know the whole truth...

CW: Lots of religion talk James is a character born from religious trauma lmao, blood, murder, non con turning, Cassius is touchy, but in a platonic way, James has severe food repulsion, which includes vomit, James gets mildly suicidal for two paragraphs

James was terrified. The voice of God had told him to sacrifice an innocent woman. He couldn't help but think this had to be a trial of some sort. He couldn't be sure if the answer was to just trust God, as Abraham had trusted Him, or if he was to shed his mortal pride, and give himself up in exchange for peace for his village.

After he deliberated, sending an innocent woman to slaughter felt wrong. If he was wrong, and she was killed, then her three children would have nowhere to go.

But if he was meant to die…that was a sacrifice that he could make.

But it didn't make it any less frightening. He believed he'd lived a holy enough life to go to heaven. But every human was scared to die. And, perhaps, that was the true test of his devotion. Would he be able to let go when the time came?

He'd been walking through the woods for what felt like hours, chanting prayers, as he walked, for strength. The silence of the woods was making his pounding heart sound deafening in his ears. A branch broke ahead of him, and he froze.

He looked up, his eyes peeled for the monster. The woods were eerily silent, not even the animals daring a sound.

Something blurred across his vision, and he felt an intense pain in his stomach like he'd never felt before. In shock, he looked down, four sickeningly deep cuts running across his abdomen.

He fell to his knees, choking as his blood bubbled up his throat, spilling out of his mouth. He tipped over, but before he could hit the ground, something caught him. A hand gently cradled his head, and for a moment, he was certain it was an angel that was sent to take him home.

Until the “something” ripped a chunk out of his neck. His vision was heavily blurring, but he could have sworn what he was looking at was a human. Not a monster. But that couldn't be right.

The creature was covered in his blood, drinking it up like it was water in a desert. His vision faded, and he said a final prayer as his eyes fluttered closed.

….

“I honestly thought I'd gotten too greedy. You didn't look like you were going to make it.”

James’ eyes felt too heavy to open. All he could hear was a voice. A voice that sounded very close. As though it was right up against his ear.

He was cold. Colder than he'd ever been. And thirsty.

“Water, please,” he croaked, still unable to open his eyes, but hoping the voice in his ear would understand the desperation.

“Oh. Oh no. Water won't do anything for you. Here.”

A cup was pressed to his lips, and he drank deeply. It took less than a second for his stomach to churn violently, causing him to vomit it back up.

“Oh, damn. That is rather unfortunate.”

He had to open his eyes. He had to figure out what was going on, and why he was so sick.

He blinked a few times, and he was finally successful. He slowly looked around to keep himself from getting dizzier. His eyes landed on a man with long, curling blond hair, and kind eyes. He was gently stroking his hair, looking down at him with an adoring expression.

“Where,” he coughed, unable to say more.

“You're in my dungeons,” he said it as though it was a good thing, a delighted giggle at the end of the statement.

He attempted to sit up, but the man shushed him, laying him back down.

“You lost a lot of blood,” he cooed. “Rest, please.”

“Why,” he choked, before starting again. “Why am I here?”

His smile grew absolutely dazzling, his eyes brightening the room.

“Oh! I stole your soul!”

James went from cold to frigid.

“You see,” he snuggled in next to him, resting a hand on his chest, “I saw you in that village of yours. You were so holy, and devoted, and I just…”

The hand on his chest scratched lightly against him.

“I just knew I had to destroy you.”

How could he say such awful things in such an upbeat voice? But James wasn't too worried. No creature on earth could steal a soul. Not while God in heaven-

“As a vampire, I knew I could get your attention if I started picking off members of your flock. And when I told you to send that woman, you did exactly what I knew a holy man would do. You came yourself! All I had to do was make you one of us!”

No creature of God could steal a soul. Vampires were creatures of the devil. The devil's voice had called to him, and he'd confused it for God. And thus, he had paid the price.

The man, or rather, the vampire, was right. His soul had been stolen. And he deserved it.

The man leapt to his feet, looking over at James fondly.

“I need to get you something to eat. I have a bad feeling about the way you turned, but we won't know for sure until we experiment a bit.”

Before he could even protest, the man had left the cell. James laid back down, pleading to heaven for forgiveness.

He wasn't sure how long he'd lived in that dungeon.

Through “experimentation” he and the vampire, who he'd learned was named Cassius, had discovered that his body rejected blood. Not only would his body not take blood the way it should, but it meant he needed to consume far more.

He'd been in such a place of despair, knowing that the promised paradise was now closed to him, and he'd decided to allow himself to just starve to death.

But Cassius wouldn't allow it.

“What kind of owner would I be if I let my pet die when we hit one bump in the road?”

Despite James' reluctance, Cassius had tried nearly everything he could think of to keep him alive. He eventually realized that if blood was mixed in with something heavy, like stew or baked goods, it was more likely to stay down, even if he was still nauseous. It wasn't a perfect solution, but perhaps there wasn't one. And so, he was alive.

It had been a long time since then. He wasn't sure how long. But Cassius had provided him with books for entertainment and would come to visit him once a day. He liked to talk and would prattle on and on and on, for hours, when he came to visit.

There were times that James got the impression that part of the reason he was here was because Cassius wanted someone to save him. It made him sad. His heart ached for him. He may have taken everything from him, but there was clearly a desire for someone to forgive him for his sins. Perhaps he had a bleeding heart, but James knew that, even if heaven wasn't an option for him, God was still working through him.

And God would want him to forgive Cassius.

So, despite his despair and hurt, he worked hard to be compassionate, as he always had.

One day, Cassius came to the dungeon, a wide smile on his face.

“Congratulations!” He said, moving to James' bed, and petting his head.

James looked up from his Bible.

“For what?”

“They've canonized you!”

James nearly dropped his Bible.

“What? It hasn't been very long since,” he trailed off, but Cassius was ecstatic.

“You were a martyr, though.”

Fair point. Martyrs were technically already saints, just not officially.

“Besides,” Cassius grinned, “it helped your case significantly that you've continued to grant your little miracles. Did you really think I, and the world, wouldn't notice?”

James blushed, looking away. After he'd died, he'd begun hearing prayers any time someone asked for his intercession. He'd still been able to grant miracles, possibly more effectively than before. As though God took pity on him and granted him a final favor.

“They named you the patron of facing the unknown, courage, and blind faith. But obviously, no one is particularly picky about what they ask you for. I live with you, and I didn't even know about some of the prayers you granted.”

“It's a neat little gift you have. I would love to be able to train it a little better, one day,” he hummed thoughtfully, continuing to pet his head. “Perhaps when I can trust you enough to let you go upstairs.”

But there was never a time he trusted him to go upstairs. Time quickly lost meaning, as he spent most of his day granting miracles, and the rest of it listening to Cassius talk nonsense. There were a few times he asked if he could have more than his little cell.

Cassius always got an odd look on his face, before saying something along the lines of, “not yet but soon.”

Until that day. He heard steps coming down to the dungeon. He had a small window in his cell, so he was able to tell that it was rather early for Cassius to come visit him. Not that he was ever told what it was that Cassius did all day. But he was fairly consistent with his visits.

“Father in heaven!” A woman's voice cried.

He immediately stood up, running to the bars.

“My lamb, what are you doing here? This place is dangerous,” he said, fighting off his excitement at seeing someone new for the first time in…however long.

“I sensed some magic coming from this place, so I wanted to investigate, but I never thought…oh god.”

She looked distressed, her eyes full of pity as they scanned over him.

“You're…I grew up in North Avon. Your picture is everywhere. But we all thought you were, you know, eaten.”

“I was,” he laughed self-deprecatingly. “Cassius is not a sane man. You should go.”

“Are you here of your own free will?”

“No, but-”

She held out a hand, and the door blasted open in a burst of pink smoke. His jaw dropped.

“I'm a witch,” she said simply. “I came here because I was curious, but with how much you have done for our town, and the world, I can't just leave you.”

“Cassius-”

“He's not home,” she held out a hand, giving him a reassuring smile. “I'll protect you. I promise.”

She walked him out of the house, a house he'd never seen more than one cell of. It was a beautiful home, befitting of Cassius himself. As they passed over the threshold, he paused, looking back at the house.

“Saint James, we have to go.”

He closed his eyes, saying a final prayer.

“Father, I forgive him. Please help him find the peace he is searching for.”

He then turned to her, and nodded. She looked at him with a sad smile, before beginning a chant.

A portal opened up, and she grabbed his hand, pulling him through.

“You should be safe here,” she said as the portal closed behind them. “Not many people know about this town, and as long as you stay within the limits of the village, no one can hurt you.”

She looked at him, sighing heavily.

“You look like you're starving.”

He smiled tiredly, unused to so much open space.

“What year is it?” He asked distractedly.

“Oh,” she hesitated. “Um, 1974…”

She trailed off and he froze. 149 years. He'd spent 149 years in a cell with a man who saw him as a domesticated pet.

“We gotta get you something to eat,” she muttered.

“My body rejects it. Blood needs to be mixed in something to keep it down,” he muttered half heartedly, not really thinking.

“There's a few of you like that here. I'll pass you off to one of them. They'll get you started.”

She found a small family, whose youngest was blood repulsed. Before she left, he asked,

“What is your name, so that I can pray for you?”

She grimaced. “Oh yeah. Forgot about the qhole prayer thing. Here's a warning. Don't go to the church. It's not a real church. But my name is Rosemary.”

“Thank you, Rosemary. Go in peace.”

She left with a smile. It wasn't the last time they would meet, the two of them becoming business partners later on. But he never stopped praying for her. And her life was only good from that point on.

[koolkat9]

That is honestly the perfect way to describe Ludwig lmao

Thank you. I've was thinking about it all day yesterday actually. And before I begin, I do not want people to take this as ger//ita bashing. I'm not really into the ship but I do think at least Ludwig was in love with Feli at some point and I love exploring the toxic side of their potential romance.

Anyway. Perhaps this toxic mindset about love and taking acts of service too far was rooted in him from a young age. A kind of generational trauma if you will passed down from Gilbert due to his time as a religious order. This is getting into projection territory, but that's how I come up with good ideas lol. I sometimes wonder if I am such a people pleaser, unable to speak up for myself and/or say no because I was religious and because they promote a degree of unselfishness that can become unhealthy. Being "Christ-like" requires some form of sacrifice after all. Put those around you before your self for that is how you serve God and get into Heaven. Even though I don't think Ludwig was ever that religious (and that Gil started deconstructing his religion when Lud popped up so it only indirectly influenced his parenting) the idea of love requiring sacrifice and love and care being shown by putting others above yourself always still got rooted in him.

Then you got Feli. Though a bit of a ditz and oblivious, I am a firm believer he isn't as stupid as he presents himself to be. After all, we see him be quite capable, specifically when he was a child. I always loved the headcanon that Feli has abandonment and attachment issues so he acts completely helpless in a attempt to not be left behind again.

With both these trauma responses put together probably won't result in the healthiest relationship. Ludwig give give giving and Feli take take taking because neither knows better and do it to protect themselves. Going a long this line it probably causes issues in their friendship but I think it reaches its climax if they get into a romantic relationship and thus get even more involved in each other's lives. It eventually leads to them breaking up and distancing themselves from each other for a bit.

It is this break that makes them reconsider a lot of things. Ludwig allows himself to explore other romantic options. He had many crushes alongside his crush on Feli, but he had been holding out, hoping Feli felt the same way. By exploring a new relationship or two, he starts to realize that maybe he was giving too much. Thinking too much about Feli and not enough about himself. He learns to love in a more healthy way like that post that tag is from said.

Feli also realizes that maybe the whole helpless act went a little too far. He did what he always did to keep people close and yet Ludwig still left him. One of the people he loved most left him. He spends weeks in reflection. Maybe spends some time with Kiku who puts things in perspective for him since he was an outsider looking in to Feli and Lud's relationship. As an itapan shipper maybe it leads to itapan with Kiku being a grounding force for Feli, but doesn't let him get away with shit. But also Feli may need a bit of a break from serious romances until he finishes processing his trauma. Choose your own ending there.

As much as I don't care for ger//ita as a wholesome end game romance, I do love their friendship every much. So once both heal a bit, Feli and Lud come back together with a friendship stronger than ever, supporting each other in their healing journey and new relationships.