#and a temporary change in a relationship has made it feel worse

[rubitheracoon]

I'm in need of some comforting words from random strangers on the internet

[steddieas-shegoes]

i’ll drown it out

for @steddiesongfics using the song ‘ghost of you’ by 5 seconds of summer

rated m | 2295 words | cw: temporary character death, injury, angst | tags: established relationship, secret relationship, wayne munson is a gift, happy ending, grief and mourning, alternate ending to season 4

🔘🔘🔘🔘🔘🔘🔘🔘🔘🔘🔘

steve wakes up every day to eddie’s face.

it’s the only picture of eddie that wayne doesn’t have in his apartment two hours away.

he doesn’t even think anyone knows it’s framed on his bedside table next to one of eddie’s rings and his guitar pick necklace.

all that’s left of eddie munson is whatever memories these items hold.

steve knows it’s dumb to hold onto things that belong to the people who cared most for eddie when he was alive. if dustin knew he had his necklace, he’d lose his shit.

but wayne knew he needed it, knew way more about their situation than he ever let on before eddie was- well, before he was gone.

steve blinks his eyes, adjusting to the sunlight sneaking through the curtains. he has the day off, but wayne’s coming by for lunch, so he should get up and shower.

he puts the ring on his finger, the necklace around his neck, and heads to the bathroom.

he goes through the motions, same as any other day.

he gets off in the shower, thinks about eddie’s hand around his neck while he fucks him from behind. doesn’t cry until he’s washed all the evidence of his own thoughts away.

he brushes his teeth and styles his hair, though he doesn’t put as much product in it anymore. robin says it’s causing hair loss. he doesn’t have the heart to tell her it’s probably the mourning of the love of his life.

he hasn’t told her about what eddie was to him at all.

he doesn’t think he can yet. or ever.

he goes downstairs and tidies up as much as he can. it’s not that messy, really. a dish in the sink from last night, his laundry basket full of clean clothes sitting on the couch ready to fold and put away, an empty beer can on the counter that never made it to the recycling bin.

he turns on the stereo to have some noise, to drown out the thought of eddie trying to make a trick shot off the trash can and making it. saying something like “bet i could’ve made the team with moves like that, huh, baby?”

he bites his lip and takes a shaky breath.

when wayne is here, it’s easier. they catch up on things. steve hears about wayne’s job at the mechanic shop and the woman he’s been seeing. steve tells him about the kids and robin, the new movies coming out that look decent.

they talk about eddie. that part is harder, but it’s not bad. steve gets to be open and honest with wayne in ways he can’t be with anyone else and wayne gets to talk about the only family he cared about. it’s nice.

but when wayne leaves, everything feels worse for a bit. he’d never tell wayne that, but it’s true.

for days after, he’s left in a cycle of anger, depression, grief, and jealousy. he ignores everyone and everything as much as he can. he wears eddie’s vest to sleep, to work, around the house. he cries as much as he doesn’t.

robin’s caught him once, when he was crying on the kitchen floor. the dinner he was making was burning. he brushed it off, said he just felt overwhelmed with his parents leaving him the house and having to volunteer. said he was so tired and just needed a break.

she believed him and worked his shift the next day, which gave him the chance to cry in bed and then get over himself.

he doesn’t realize how long he’s been sitting on the couch staring into space until wayne’s ringing the doorbell. steve jumps up and shuts off the music, ignoring the pang in his chest at realizing the tapes had changed to a Metallica one at some point.

everything is great. he’s smiling and laughing at wayne explaining the suburban mom dragging her two kids into the shop to explain what they did to her gas tank and making them help fix it. he’s nodding along as wayne talks about bringing faye to a nice restaurant in Indy for their anniversary next month.

and then things derail.

“sometimes i wish you could meet someone like faye. makes you forget about all the bad parts of life.”

steve knows he doesn’t mean he forgets eddie, but that’s what steve’s fragile heart hears anyway.

“i wouldn’t want someone to make me forget. i don’t want anyone except eddie.”

wayne looks at him like his heart’s breaking for him, but he doesn’t say anything.

at least not until steve starts cleaning up their lunch dishes.

his hand wraps around steve’s wrist as he speaks.

“eddie wouldn’t want ya to be lonely, steve. you can’t be happy with a ghost.”

and that’s just it.

he’s not trying to be happy with a ghost. he knows it’s impossible.

he’s just trying to survive with what he has left.

it’s a difference he knows he can’t explain, especially not to wayne.

so he smiles, nods, and continues with his cleaning while wayne thankfully changes the subject.

one year without eddie down. a lifetime to go.

****

year two is harder, despite everyone saying it gets easier over time.

it gets harder because he can’t explain why he still changes the station when ozzy plays on the radio. it’s harder because the nightmares get worse. it’s hard because waking up to a picture of eddie is cold, and no amount of sweaters and blankets can help him feel warm.

robin figures it out in march of that year.

steve doesn’t notice the date at first, not until dustin calls and asks if he wants to go visit eddie’s grave. he turns it down, says he has to work. it’s the truth, but he knows robin would have covered for him if he asked.

when he shows up to work, dark circles under his eyes, hair limp, robin tugs him to the floor behind the counter.

she pulls the chain of his necklace out of steve’s shirt.

tears spring up in her eyes.

they sit wordlessly for what feels like hours, but could’ve only been a few minutes. the door beeps when someone comes in and robin stands on shaky legs to assist. it gives steve an extra few minutes to get himself together.

she comes over after work and steve tells her everything. he doesn’t even cry until the end.

but he doesn’t stop crying for hours. and it’s really hours this time.

robin holds him, and he cries.

****

years three and four flew by.

especially when the kids graduated.

they aren’t kids anymore and all of them will be off to college in the fall.

after the ceremony, steve stops by eddie’s grave, something he doesn’t usually do in broad daylight. not because he’s ashamed or even scared, but because he knows seeing the reflection of his name on the headstone in the sunlight will send him into a grief-stricken spiral that he doesn’t have time for most days.

he sits with his back against the headstone, pretends it’s eddie’s chest and they’re just in steve’s bed, shooting the shit after making each other see stars.

“you’d be proud of them. they’re all off to do cool shit. nerd shit.” steve leans his head back and looks up at the clouds. “stuff you’d probably get a lot better than me. dustin tried explaining his major to me and i think i blacked out.”

he gulps, feels a sob building in his chest.

“i miss you. you should be here.”

he stays for a while after that, staring up at the sky and hoping that if a tear falls from his face, it at least waters the flowers growing under him.

he gets up eventually, because he has to get the gifts he got for everyone and head to their joint graduation party. joyce asked him to come early so he could help hop with setting up the bonfire.

“i��ll try to stop by again soon. don’t forget about me.”

steve walks away feeling heavier.

****

year five is when shit hits the fan.

robin transfers to a university in chicago and the kids are gone and joyce and hopper decide to travel since all the kids have gone and steve just stays.

wayne and faye get married after years of back and forth on it. wayne wants to, but faye thinks they’re fine without all the “hullabaloo” of a wedding. they compromise on having a small gathering at the courthouse, steve and faye’s two sons as witnesses. they all go out to lunch after.

it’s nice.

steve goes home to his empty house, and stares at the picture of eddie.

he doesn’t know the last time he really looked at this picture. he sees it every day when he wakes up, when he goes to bed. but it’s quick, and he’s half asleep.

as he stares at it now, he sees that there’s a hole near eddie’s stomach. it’s not a burn mark, but it might as well be.

and steve knows for a fucking fact it wasn’t there when he framed the picture.

weird shit happens in hawkins. that’s a fact.

but weird shit hasn’t happened in five years, not since eddie died to make sure weird shit didn’t keep happening.

this is weird shit.

he holds the frame in his hand. it’s not broken. it looks brand new, actually.

but the hole is there nonetheless.

with trembling hands, steve removes the picture from the frame. he thinks he’s seen where professionals can repair minor damage to photographs, but it’s probably not easy to find someone he can trust. not with this.

the hole is exactly where eddie’s wounds were the worst.

that’s just a coincidence, surely.

he brushes his fingertips across eddie’s beaming face, then the hole in the picture.

his side aches, deeply, like when the bats dug their teeth into him and tried to take him before they knew what they were dealing with.

the air feels thick, his chest feels weighted, and then darkness wraps him up in a thick blanket.

the picture falls from his grip as he loses consciousness.

****

“c’mon big boy. stay with me.”

steve blinks his eyes open and immediately wishes that he’d pass out again.

the pain is like nothing he’s felt before, all encompassing, lightning in every nerve-ending.

“sh, sh, sweetheart. it’s okay. we’re getting you help.”

steve can only whimper in response as he feels an explosion of pain in his side.

“is he breathing?” another voice is nearby, but steve can’t tell who it is.

“has the bleeding stopped?” that’s nancy. she’s much closer than the other voice.

he thinks hands are on him, but he’s starting to go blissfully numb.

“steve, open your eyes. we’re almost there.”

it’s eddie. of course it’s eddie.

his big eyes are watery, scared. steve doesn’t like when he’s upset.

he uses everything he has to grab the hand against his side. eddie’s rings are cold, almost a relief against the heat of his own skin.

“glad it’s me, not you,” he manages to say.

and he is.

because he knows that if eddie was the one who died, he’d never make it through.

****

steve hates waking up to noise. he’s told robin a million times to turn off her damn alarm when she stays over.

he blinks his eyes open slowly.

oh.

that’s not robin’s alarm. that’s the heart monitor next to him.

the heart monitor that’s hooked up to him.

he feels a tug in his side and realizes he’s being held together by stitches and a familiar weight on his arm.

eddie’s asleep on his arm.

not dead. not injured.

maybe a little grimy.

but alive.

steve can’t contain the sob he lets out.

it wakes eddie up. he’s never been a heavy sleeper, even when he was exhausted.

“stevie?”

another sob escapes steve. he feels like he’s missed eddie for years, feels like every moment he’s been without eddie passed at a snail’s pace and every second was filled with loneliness.

“you’re okay,” steve rasps out as tears fall down his cheeks, his neck, into his greasy hair.

“i’m okay?! you’re okay!” eddie is squeezing his arm and it hurts, but steve doesn’t care. he doesn’t want eddie to ever stop touching him, even if it hurts. “you almost died! i had control over the situation! what happened to not being heroes?”

steve’s smiling. it hurts to smile. eddie’s loud and his ears are ringing.

he doesn’t care. he’s alive. eddie’s alive.

“stevie? can you hear me?”

“hard not to, honey.”

eddie’s quiet for long enough that steve worries he dreamt him up. it wouldn’t be the first time. or maybe it would be. was any of that real? being without eddie?

“sorry. am i being loud?” eddie whispers and it’s good. everything’s good.

because eddie is here. steve is in pain, but eddie is here. this is real. it’s not a dream or his imagination or a delusion.

“a little.”

“sorry, baby. you scared me.”

“you scared me first.”

steve feels the pull of exhaustion, and he knows whatever is pumping through the needle in his arm is going to knock him back out within a matter of minutes.

“i protected dustin.”

“and i protected you.”

eddie huffs something between a laugh and a sigh. steve’s eyes are closed, but he can picture eddie’s face so clearly.

“you’re gonna owe me a million kisses when you can stay awake for longer than two minutes,” eddie says quietly.

steve smiles.

he’s pretty sure he won’t be able to keep his lips off him now that he knows he doesn’t have to live with the ghost of him.

[al9ayf]

Could I request headcanons for Gale, Wyll, Halsin, and Astarion finding out their f!s/o has suicidal thoughts please?

hi thank you for requesting again ❤️ also sorry for the late post, i have a lot of family events and weddings lolz. also while writing this i couldn’t help but do ascended astarion as well 😭

ᥫ᭡ suicidal thoughts | astarion, gale, halsin, wyll

｡˚ explicit content :: thoughts of suicide ofc, attempted suicide, mentions of abuse

ʚ astarion:

spawn:

he first found out the night you had sex with him at the tiefling party. astarion was different back then. he thought you a fool first for letting him take you under the stars, and now an even bigger one for confiding such dark thoughts to him. the two of you barely knew each other, so he did not care about how you were feeling

and then as the journey went on and he found himself risking his life for you on more than one occasion, he tried to deny his feelings. but you were so magnetic, and all of a sudden the nights felt lonely without you by his side

after proclaiming how much he cares for you and wants this relationship to go further, he invited you to spend the night with him in his tent. now the nights didn’t feel lonely anymore as you slept beside him

finally after reaching baldur’s gate and killing cazador, astarion invited you to visit his grave. the evening was peaceful as he said goodbye to an elf and hello to a new beginning as a vampire. he wanted the night to go on a little further but watched as a sour expression formed on your face as you declined the invitation to have sex with him. you would rather go to bed

the next few nights you were distant. astarion did not understand why until he finally got fed up and asked if you were mad at him. he could see the tears rolling down your cheeks as you confessed to him that you wanted to break up. it wasn’t him, you added, it was you

yet the breakup did not make things easier for you, it instead made it worse. he sees you go off to bed without a dinner and wounded arms. you do not speak to anybody. you are the leader of this group and yet you are silent during the job so astarion often is the one guiding the party around the city and making the decisions

the night after killing orin, he decided to stay awake and watch the camp. he was an elf for he did not need any sleep, but he saw you sneak away from your tent with a bottle in your hand. astarion decided to follow you to the river. he made sure to stay silent and at a safe distance, and once you got to a familiar spot, you sat down on the sand and started crying

you drank the whole bottle as fast as you could and then smashed it into the ground. you stood up and headed for the river with open arms, anticipating the cold waters. astarion stopped you before you could take another step

“what are you doing?!” he yelled, grabbing you. “you do not know how to swim, you idiot!”

you confessed to him that you were doing it on purpose. that you had no will left to live. fuck this tadpole and save faerûn. fuck everything in this world. you were hoping that he would hate you when you broke up with him so your death wouldn’t be that upsetting. the gods have not once given you a blessing in life, and now they have doomed you to the hells

astarion tells you that the two of you have been through everything together. have you not once loved him? have you not thought of him as a blessing? because you are everything to him, and losing you meant losing himself all over again. he wants to help you get through this even though it might be the toughest thing to do. at least he is with you

you expect him to make a joke but he doesn’t. you cry in his arms and hug him tightly, appreciating his kind words

ascended:

after completing the ritual, astarion completely changed. it threw you off more than you wanted it to and hoped that it was just a temporary effect of gaining so much power

but after saving baldur’s gate and all of faerûn from the grand design, and after moving in with astarion into his new palace, he never changed. it instead grew worse

months of his abuse and controlling behavior went by. you were not allowed to be who you are anymore. everything you knew had been stripped away from you, and now the man who you once thought saved you from wanting to end it all made those thoughts reappear again

you sat at your vanity crying as a servant did your hair for the ball happening that night. astarion entered the bedroom and told the servant to leave. he forced you to stand up and look at him, and you recoiled when he touched your chin

“is something the matter, my darling?”

you told him without being able to look him in the eyes. you told him you wanted to die. you hated him and would rather kill yourself than have him touch you. you cry and cry as you spill your broken heart out onto the floor, but astarion only laughs and tells you that you will do no such thing. you are a vampire now, living eternally with him. he will not allow you to end your own life

after all, you are his dear consort

ʚ gale:

gale always found it interesting how the light in your eyes always shifted. you were always thinking about something, whether good things or not. he never pried too much into it because he respected your privacy as much as you respected his. but he has poured his heart out many times to you, yet you always seemed closed off. he felt he knew so much about you, yet nothing at all

you have always thrown yourself into the toughest of battles without any thought. shadowheart always spent the most time healing you because of your rash decisions. it was like you were not scared of the danger, yet somehow you lived through it each time

gale asked you about it and you told him a simple answer: you hated evil. you would sacrifice your life to save faerûn. it was your home. he thought you brave, but again saw that shift of light in your eyes disappear. he asked what was wrong immediately, and you hesitantly admitted to him that life had not been so kind to you until you met him. and although this journey to baldur’s gate has been rough and helps take your mind off things, the past still haunts you. gale asks what haunts you, and you only kiss him goodnight

after arriving at baldur’s gate, gale takes you to a nice clearing in the woods to have a little alone time. you watched his small magic shows and the stars, but as time passed on and your laughter died down, there gale saw a sad girl

“whatever troubles you, we can get through it together. i promise you…”

and then you broke down in tears. you confessed to gale that a curse has been bestowed upon you ever since you were a young child. the date of your death grows near, and in one year you will take your final breath and lay to rest forever. you have known this your whole life and each year has not made it easier. you do not care if you die. you would meet death soon anyway. and every day you imagine what a sweet death tastes like if you were not met with the sharp side of the blade

gale pulled you into a hug and held you close. he did not know what to say. it was a horrible curse—a terrible one. he promises you that he will help you escape this fate. look at how far you have gotten in this journey in such a short amount of time. preventing your death is a small hurdle you both can jump over. he is determined to help you

ʚ halsin:

halsin has been the first druid for as long as you can remember. he was your idol, your guide, and your closest friend. admittedly, you wanted it to be more. you have loved halsin for years. all you wished for was to be by his side until the sun rose in the west and set in the east. but you were too afraid to admit your feelings for him. you thought yourself unfitting

after learning about the news of him getting captured by the goblins, you reassured yourself that he has not been killed. halsin was smart and the grove flourishes because of him. you would know when something bad had happened. you would be able to feel it in the earth. no flowers have died yet, and so you prayed to the oak father to keep your archdruid alive

though kagha never liked you. she thought of you as too naive and young. you did not know the ways of the oak father, in her mind. you were just a burden and halsin only allowed you to stay because he was too merciful. and now that she was acting as a first druid, it was taking everything within you to convince her to let you stay. but she cast you out without a second thought, banned from all groves of silvanus

you left the grove with a heart so heavy you had to drag yourself. you decided to go west to baldur’s gate, hoping to find a place there. but then you stumbled upon the shadowlands, the very place halsin had told you many stories about. you had only a torch with you and prayers, yet that did not last very long. you ran through the dark hoping to find a safe place to hide, and you found an abandoned home with a door and windows still intact

you hid there for the next few days. the shadows grew thicker in some areas, and you had to hide yourself many times from passing cult members of the absolute. your stomach growled and your mouth grew dry. each day was agonizing, and on the third, with one last drop of water, you prayed to the oak father that somebody would kill you. to take you out of your misery. you have been banished from all groves and lost halsin. why bother going on?

you awoke to somebody jolting you awake. your eyes were too heavy to keep open, yet a familiar voice kept yelling your name. you managed to mutter a weak “leave me” before falling back asleep. you wake up again to find yourself getting carried to a light in a pair of strong arms. one last time, you woke up in a comfortable bed with light surrounding you. a cup of water was laid out beside you, and you reached over to drink it. the woman beside you took your glass and left to fill it up some more

you sat up in bed, wondering who saved you and why. you were ready to embrace the oak father. they have wasted their time and resources on you. you have no will to live on anymore

then halsin entered the room with the woman. you cried when you saw him, and he quickly hugged you. he kissed the top of your head and called you his sweet girl, and it eased the sorrow in your heart

he told you he had found you while looking for supplies with his companions and was shocked to find you here in the shadowlands. you told him that after he had left you were in such disarray, and kagha had then exiled you leaving you to fend for yourself. then you found yourself in the shadowlands ready to die. you could not live without him or the grove. he was all you wanted and needed

he kissed you again, this time on the lips to soothe you. you gripped onto him tightly, still crying

“oak father preserve you, child. still, the sun rises in the east and sets in the west. you are mine and nature’s until that changes. i understand why you would think such hurtful thoughts, but i am here now, and we will make things right again. you will never have to face such fear again. you will never be on death’s door again. for now i have come back to you, and will protect you until the sun rises in the west…”

you kiss halsin one more time

ʚ wyll:

you have known wyll ever since you were children. although he was noble-born and you were just helping your father around the grand manor he lived in, you both became great friends

your father and wyll’s father joked to each other that you both would end up married in the near future. it was obvious how much you loved each other. and once you both reached the age of 17, you started dating

but that is when wyll was exiled from baldur’s gate for reasons unknown to you. around the same time wyll left, your father had been murdered and a funeral procession was on the way. ulder took you in as his own and grieved with you. you loved your father dearly even though he was secretly a part of the cult of the dragon. evil, yes, but he was the only family you had

after years passed and you heard no news from wyll, gortash was going to be named the archduke of baldur’s gate. you attended the ceremony with ulder who acted weirdly, but you tried to think nothing of it. you spotted wyll entering the room with devil horns and stopping the ceremony, along with a few other companions. you almost cried if it weren’t for the shock running through your body

after the ceremony, you ran to wyll and embraced him. you loved him dearly so and headed back to his camp to learn of everything that had happened. there, he told you everything. from the day his father left for elturel to this moment. yet your mind was fuzzy at the beginning of his story

wyll had unknowingly killed your father during the battle. and it tore you apart

immediately you excused yourself from the camp and headed back home. for days you threw up and ripped your hair. the love of your life had killed your father and sold his soul to the devil. he felt like a different man and yet he was still the same. you loved your father though, so, so much. and wyll killed him

you never talked to wyll again. you stopped eating and kept yourself in your bedroom. and after baldur’s gate had been saved from the mind flayers and wyll returned home, you refused to see him. you would rather die than speak to him

yet he managed to get you at a perfect time. he locked you in your bedroom with him in front of the door, forcing you to finally face him. you cried and you screamed, telling him how much you wanted to kill yourself to meet your father again. the father he took from you. you would rather die than speak to the devil

wyll retaliated though. he understood how much grief you were going through but he made the right choice

“you must understand me, my love! i loved your father like he was my own. but if you were to have heard the roaring thunder and seen a head of tiamat, you too would have wanted to stop it. i did what was right and you know that. i beg of you to understand my situation. your father was an evil man, and yes he loved you so much, but he was willing to bring back dragons than see his own daughter alive and well in faerûn.”

wyll professed his love to you and told you that he will help you get through this grief and suffering. you had endured it for long enough. you broke down in tears and cried on your bed. his words were both comforting and not. the thought of your father not loving you enough made you want to meet him in whatever realm he was in and beat the shit out of him. but as wyll rubbed your back soothingly, you decided that living for the only family you had left was what was right

criticism is appreciated <3

[ewanmitchellcrumbs]

……cersei corrupting little sister reader mayhaps 🤭

Here you go, Babybel. I hope my lesbian offering pleases you.

Warnings: DEAD DOVE, DO NOT EAT. Incest, corruption kink, dubcon, fingering. Word count: ~1k

Cersei is in her cups again. You can tell by the faintest tint of rouge that stains her lips and the gleam she gets in her green eyes when she’s overindulged in Arbor red. It’s gotten worse since Jaime went away to the Riverlands and there is little you can do to stop it.

Truthfully, you are glad he’s gone. Growing up you’d always envied the closeness he shared with your older sister, the gap in age between you and your siblings made childhood lonely for you. Tyrion didn’t take an interest in you, but you’d always adored Cersei. You idolised the grace with which she carried herself, her effortless beauty and sharp tongue. She never really paid you any mind though, too preoccupied with her twin to notice you.

It was only when Jaime wasn’t around that she deigned to give you any attention, but you basked in being her plaything, even though it was only temporary. You had heard the rumours regarding your siblings’ incestuous relationship, but your father had scoffed derisively when you dared to ask, telling you that was a scandalous practice that had died with the Targaryens. The Lannisters would never debase themselves with such depravity. You’d believed him, you had no reason not to.

That was until you grew older, Cersei married King Robert, and Jaime’s absences became more frequent. Something shifted in the affection that your sister lavished upon you. It evolved into something darker, more intimate and filled you with feelings of burning shame, amidst a deep seated warmth in your lower belly that you could never quite find the words to articulate.

Lingering kisses to the lips, insistence that you share her bed while she kept you cuddled close to her replaced games of make believe and hide and seek. You supposed it was part of her becoming Queen. People change. She had to grow up and so would you.

This feels too grown up though; as she stands, wine goblet in hand, eyeing you closely as you run your hands over the rich, crimson brocade fabric of the gown draped over the folding screen.

“I cannot wear this,” You tell her, shaking your head and snatching your hands back as though you may sully the material with your very touch. “It is too much.”

She smirks at you, taking a slow sip of her wine and letting her eyes travel the length of you. “You are a Lannister. Nothing is too much.” She says with a slight tilt of her head.

“You have worn this gown to hold Court before!” You protest. “I cannot wear the Queen’s clothes.”

She steps closer, taking your jaw between thumb and forefinger. You can smell cloves and berried fruits upon her breath as it fans across your face, her eyes boring into yours. “Do you remember how much fun we had playing dress up when you were a girl?” She whispers.

You swallow thickly, hating the way your lower belly flutters under her attention. “Y-yes.” You peep meekly.

“Will you dress up once more, sweet sister, just for me?” She purrs.

You want to tell her no, you long to wrench from her grasp and flee back to your own chambers, if only to put a stop to the uncomfortable stickiness that gathers between your legs. You hate this, and yet you will not deny her anything. She is your sister, your Queen. 

You nod your head and she releases you with a demure smile. “Good girl.” She praises stepping back.

Your hands move to lift your thin cotton shift over your head, then pause, uncertainty paralysing you. “Aren’t you going to leave while I dress?”

She scoffs, a grin briefly flashes across her pretty features before it’s gone again. “Nothing I haven’t seen before.” She says with a soft shrug.

You hesitate a moment, before pulling off your nightgown, leaving you bare before your sister. It may be nothing she hasn’t seen before, but she has certainly never looked at you like that before.

There is a predatory hunger, dark and urgent, in the way she stares at you. It makes you want to shrink into yourself, cover whatever parts of you she can see with your hands. The silent threat to rob you of your innocence looms heavy and oppressive. It frightens you, but not as much as the urge you have to simply give in to her.

“Here, allow me.” She says, setting her goblet down and stepping forward to take the dress from the screen.

Your breath hitches as her fingertips drag across your skin as she helps you into it, leaving gooseflesh in their wake. You have to bite back a whimper as she grazes your pebbled nipples lightly as she pulls the bodice over your breasts. You are sure it is deliberate.

The room feels too hot, your skin blazes and you grow wetter between your thighs, guilt eating away at you for it.

Lannisters would never debase themselves with such depravity.

What if you are depraved? What if she knows? She’d tell your father and it would bring shame upon your entire house.

You are broken from your thoughts as Cersei’s hand cups your mound beneath your skirts, her lips parting slightly as she feels the arousal gathered there.

You gasp, attempting to pull back, but she follows, keeping her hand exactly where it is. You bump into the wall, backed up against it as she spreads her fingers through your sodden folds, exploring.

“S-stop.” You stammer, unable to comprehend that your own sister would touch you in such a way.

She tuts, but makes no move to halt her ministrations. “Don’t you wish to play, little lion?”

Your eyes widen, your breathing becoming more laboured as the urge to resist her grows weaker. Realisation dawns, horrifying and intriguing all at once. “Is…is this how you and Jaime play?”

She laughs softly, plunging a finger inside of you, the sudden stretch of it making you yelp. “Oh, how Jaime and I play is much more intimate. Would you like me to show you?”

No is precisely what you should say, if you were to listen to the way your mind screams at you to run. However, driven by the fluttering in your cunt and the excitement that flurries in your belly, you answer in the affirmative. “Show me.”

[springgirlshowers]

Cool About It

Summary: You’re face to face with your ex outside of a bar after three years of no contact, is there any point of talking to him?

Pairing: Joost x Reader

CW: smoking, cursing, arguing, poorly proofread, angst with a happy ending tho! ;P

WC: 1,935

A/N: i can’t write a summary for the life of me + wooooo feeling angsty tonight guys

When Joost left he told you he would be gone for a long time. You knew that of course.

He told you he would have to leave and travel constantly if he wanted his career to grow, which you were fine with. You wanted nothing more than to see it happen.

With school and working for yourself, you weren’t able to come along with Joost on his tour and to the festivals he was performing at. That was okay with you!

As long as you could still text and call and video chat with him you were fine. Of course, you absolutely missed him during it, but you could put up with the temporary long distance.

However Joost, felt the opposite apparently.

To be fair, you knew it was gonna be difficult being together yet so far apart.

Joost ended things with you, telling you he didn’t think your relationship with him would work constantly being gone. He'd also told you not to take it personally, and you had. Like an idiot.

You were heartbroken at first. Crying and pitying yourself, questioning why he did it. Even though he already gave you an answer.

Soon your sadness turned to anger, it never changed after that. You’ve been angry at him since he sent that text.

Joost <3: I don’t think this is working

It was a piss poor way of breaking up, the delivery of it was shitty enough, it being over text just made it worse.

The way he worded some of the things he said for his reasoning made it feel like you were a rock in his shoe, or an obstacle in his path to fame.

Yet, you were civil with him when he broke up with you, you never really shared your feelings and emotions on it with him afterwards. Why would you? You weren’t his girlfriend anymore. It wasn’t your place to.

Joost never knew how angry you were with him, you weren’t sure if unfollowing him really showed that. Maybe blocking him did, if he even ever noticed. You were just sick of seeing his face and posts pop up on your feed.

You haven’t seen him, haven’t talked to him since he broke up with you. It’s been three years and not a word has been said to each other.

You expected it to stay that way within the next years and so on. Until you saw him walking around with his friends in the same bar as you during a night in June.

"What the fuck is he doing here?" You said angrily.

"It's a Saturday night, this is a public bar, i'm not sure you can blame him for being here." Your friend shrugged disappointingly.

"Yeah I know." You sighed, "Just…why'd he have to come to this one tonight though? There's like ten other places he could've gone." You thought out loud, muttering. Your friend gave you a sympathetic frown as you rubbed your face.

“You know what, whatever, I’m gonna go for a smoke, you wanna come?” You nodded to the back door of the bar.

“No, I’ll watch over our drinks. You have fun.” She joked, you smiled and told her you’d be back in a few.

You were more than relieved to see that the back wall of the outside of the bar was empty. No other smokers or couples making out. You really needed a moment alone, seeing Joost made it feel like the air got knocked out of you.

You grabbed your pack of cigs, pulling one out and leaving it hanging from your mouth while you rummaged around your bag for a lighter.

You groaned out loud in frustration, desperately looking around the rest of your items for the one you usually had on hand.

While you were too busy searching, you didn’t pay any attention to the door that opened and closed behind you.

“Need a light?” A familiar deep voice asked, you turned to see him. Joost standing in front of you, lighter in hand and an awkward look on his face.

Now it felt like you couldn’t breathe at all.

Although it felt like a lifetime since you’d seen him, it hadn't been that long. It’s really just been a few years.

You just stared at him as he lit your cigarette without hesitation. You snapped back into this moment, inhaling and nodding as your way of saying “Thanks.”

“I didn’t know you smoked.” Joost said, pulling out a cigarette from his own pack.

“Yeah? A person can change a lot in three years.” The delivery of your sentence was venomous. It felt like every word was laced with poison to Joost. It made him pause for just a split second, giving him a small hint of how angry you still were at him.

He stayed silent, so did you. The only noise being the flick of his lighter and traffic in the distance.

The brick wall felt cold and jagged on your back, you debated if you should just stomp out your cig and just go back inside already.

“So how's everything been for you?” Joost broke the silence.

“Fine. Great.” You said stoically, Joost hummed in response.

You weren’t going to ask him the same question. You’d already knew how great he’d been doing. You’d saw all about it, read all about it, heard all about it, and honestly, you were sick of it.

He was getting where he wanted to be, good for him. You just wished you didn’t have to hear all about it.

"Number one in Germany, huh?" You said as exhaled smoke, a hint of anger still in your voice.

“Uh, yeah. Yeah.” He let out a nervous laugh, “Insane isn’t it?” He itched at his arm.

“Yeah. Good for you though.” You spat, suddenly remembering how he made you feel like you were in his way to success.

“You don’t sound very excited about it.”

“Really?” You said sarcastically, flicking ash. Joost just nodded and cleared his throat, taking another inhale.

“I still have your shit in my closet. In a box.” You spoke out, keeping your eyes away from his.

He never came back for any of his shared clothing. You were kind enough to fold all his shirts that were hanging in your closet and put them in a cardboard box. Which you planned on giving him once he got back, but he never came back for it, never texted asking. So now they just sat in the back corner of your closet, collecting dust.

“Oh.” He said softly. Heart hurting a bit at the fact you never got rid of his stuff.

“Yeah. You’re free to take it back any day now. I’m tired of being reminded of it every time I need to pick out something to wear.” You sighed, you were halfway done with your smoke.

“I can understand if you’re upset.” He looked down, fiddling with the hem of his shirt. “I know we ended things at a weird time.” His words made your blood boil.

We? We ended things? No. You. You were the one to end things. I didn’t want anything to end, you did, Joost. That’s what you wanted to spit at him. Instead you gave him a watered down version of it.

“You gave up on us, not me.” You said, exhaling, desperately trying to keep your cool.

“I don’t think I’d call it giving up…” He mumbled.

“No, you gave up. We hit a difficult patch and you were too much of an ass to push through it so you gave up.” Your mouth was moving faster than your brain, you didn’t mean to be so harsh or to argue. But you’ve been holding in all this anger for the past three years, now it was all spilling out.

Your chest was rising and falling in frustrated breaths, you blinked away the glaze that formed over your eyes. You waited for a response.

Joost opened his mouth, beginning to say something, but then closing it.

“Don’t even know why I bothered.” You muttered, letting out a sigh and shaking your head as you stomped out your cigarette.

Before you could start moving, Joost finally spoke.

“I thought I’d just continue to hurt you if I kept it going.” His voice was soft. It wasn’t the response you were hoping for, but you were sure what you were expecting anyways.

“Hurt me?” You asked, complete disbelief in your voice.

“I was gone for months. You’re telling me that you were fine with it? That it didn’t bother you?” He threw his cigarette down, grinding his shoe into the bud.

“It did bother me a little sometimes. I missed you the entire time. But I knew you were doing what you wanted to do for so long.” You took a step towards him, “I knew performing made you happy. I wasn’t gonna stop you from that. You were happy, I was happy.” You shrugged, trying desperately to keep back the tears that were going to form in your eyes.

It was the truth. You loved hearing the excitement in his voice when he’d call you just before shows, hearing the smile in his voice made one appear on your face as well.

“I cared for you so much. So much. I tried so hard to keep everything together and you just threw it all away. You made me feel like some kind of burden.” You could hear your voice begin to crack while your eyes watered, you didn’t want him to see you so emotional. You shoved past him, heading for the door.

“I never stopped caring about you. I need you to know that.” Joost spoke out, causing you to stop. He wanted to say a different word than “caring”, a stronger word, but he didn’t think he was brave enough for it. You turned around, eyes looking at the cement instead of at him.

“You were never a burden to me, liefje. Never.” Even though his voice was soft, his words were hitting you, your eyes finally met his. “It’s my fault, I shouldn’t have ended things like that. I shouldn’t have ended things at all.” He stepped closer to you, hand grazing your cheekbone. Eventually both hands coming up to gently cup your face.

“I was such an asshole. You didn’t deserve that, any of that.” Joost felt your jaw clench, your attempt to keep your lip from wobbling as tears threatened to spill from your eyes. His own eyes were beginning to water.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, Y/N.” You heard the crack in his voice, and that was enough to cause you to break, tears beginning to fall down your cheeks.

And of course, the next thing he said was the final blow to cause your upcoming breakdown.

“I never stopped loving you.” His voice was barely a whisper, yet still loud enough for the both of you to hear it. You let out an embarrassingly loud sob and wrapped your arms around him, face shoved and sobbing into his chest.

Joost sweetly shushed you as he rubbed a hand up and down your back, lightly swaying the both of you as he let a few tears fall from his own eyes.

You really wanted to kiss him, you really did. You would’ve at this moment if you weren’t bawling and wheezing out tears. However, Joost was fine with it, as long as he knew he had you back, in his arms, he was fine.

Joost having you here with him, he was fine with that.

[l0stglitch]

What if there daughter started to drift a lot from them and what would they do to stop it and what pre cautions they would take to make sure it doesn’t happen again?tysmmm

The aftermath

Platonic Yandere lost boys x reader

The first half of this ask is kind of answered in this fic so I’m only gonna write about the second part.

Warnings- Physical and emotional abuse | Obsessive relationships

• They’d be pretty cautious after your depressive episode. Seeing you so fragile and broken made them hyper aware of how delicate your sanity and mental health are.

• They also don’t want to push you away again in the future. Adopting that cat you had found had certainly helped bring you closer to your fathers after the punishment, but you’d never truly be the same again.

• I think they’d become a lot more overbearing, particularly Dwayne and Marko (who have always been the most involved in your life). They’ve seen what isolation will do to you, and are determined for you to never be alone again.

• David would start to lose some of his previous control over how you are parented- particularly when it comes to punishments. The whole event would sort of shift the pack dynamics. David had always been the leader, as he had a much more dominating personality, however being the oldest, Dwayne also had a claim to power.

• Things are easier for you when Dwayne calls the shots. You aren’t punished as harshly over minor mistakes, however you don’t really have a choice in how you spend your free time. If Dwayne wants you to hang out with them, you better listen or Marko will get involved.

• Speaking of Marko, he’d definitely take advantage of his newfound freedom. Without David to keep him in check, he becomes WAY worse than normal.

• He’s already pretty bad with boundaries, but now that he has more power, he literally won’t leave you alone. Like this man will straight up come into your room and lie there next to you when you’re trying to sleep. He claims it’s because he’s worried you’ll become detached again if you’re left by yourself for too long, but really he’s just become extra clingy after your episode of disassociation.

• You can’t complain about it to Dwayne, because he’s got the same attitude as Marko. You need to be supervised and watched, or else you’ll drift away from them again.

• Even Paul gets dragged into it. When it comes to parenting you, he’s never really formed his own opinion on anything. He’ll just agree with whatever Marko says, unless it’s something extreme that might bring you harm. He just wants you to be happy, because when you’re happy, you’re more fun to be around.

• Surprisingly, you find yourself seeking out David’s company. It’s not that you feel bad for the way the others seemed to have lost respect for him, but rather he’s the only one that isn’t excessively coddling you.

• You can always tell by that smug look on his face that this is exactly what he wants- for you to come crawling right back to him. It doesn’t bother you much though. Maybe once the others realise that their overbearing nature is only pushing you away, they’ll drop the act and return back to normal.

• Of course, this new order is only temporary. There’s only so much David will put up with before he decides to take back his rightful position as pack leader.

• Once he’s back in charge, things begin to settle down again. Marko wouldn’t have as much control over you, but Dwayne would still he pretty needy.

• Even after David gains back the respect of the others, the way they punish you in the future would change. They decided it would be be more of a group decision rather than David having the final say.

• Unfortunately, the boys don’t really stick to this. They find it too much of a hassle to figure out a suitable punishment every time you do something wrong, so instead each of them just takes it into their own hands.

• David and Marko start resorting to physical violence as a way of keeping you in line. David thinks that the only way of teaching you a lesson is by eliciting fear from you. He’s always careful not to take things too far (for fear of breaking your fragile mental state) but one beating every now and again won’t cause any lasting damage.

• Marko has always been the most physically abusive, so things only get worse after this. He’s less restrained with his punishments than David- often throwing you into furniture or twisting your limbs until you swear you can feel your joints popping. He’ll scare you into staying silent about it, threatening you with even more pain if you go crying to Dwayne. Marko LOVES hearing you whimper and cry, but only when it’s because of him. If it’s because of David then he’ll hold you tight and stroke your hair, telling you that everything will be alright, and that he’ll always take of you.

• Paul kind of knows about how they treat you, but he doesn’t do anything about it. He doesn’t know the extent of the abuse, but he’s aware that something’s going on (he accidentally walked in on you getting changed and saw the bruises). If you fuck up around Paul, he won’t really do much. Sometimes he’ll threaten to report you to David, but never actually does it because he can tell that the thought of David punishing you makes you terrified, and he doesn’t want you to fear him.

• Dwayne is the only one who actually sticks to the whole ‘group punishment’ idea. It would be pretty hypocritical if he went against it considering he was the one who came up with the idea. It’ll usually be basic stuff like not being allowed to go to the boardwalk or not being allowed any dinner that day.

• All in all, they would certainly try to change their methods of parenting, but that’s not to say it actually works. They’ve solved the issue of you being distant, but now you’re skittish and nervous, especially around Marko and David.

• The only thing they actually learned from the months of you being isolated is that they don’t like leaving you alone. It fucks with your head, and it also means that they don’t get to spend as much time with you. Sometimes it’s easy to forget that they love you, but they’re always quick to remind you when you try to run away. One mention of a life without them and they’ll all guilt trip you about it for days.

Tag list- @purple-lemon-8 @xjesterxjacksx @whatispopping69 @simplyreading96 @lostbetweenvampiresandmusic @humbuginmybones

[nomatterwhatnomatterwhere]

Feels (Harsh) like Winter Wind

Here's Kelly's Pov. It's not really long but writing this came pretty natural when writing Feels (Warm) like Sunlight, and maybe it can add a little more context on the Kelly's part in Max's Pov.

I am still working on the Reader's Pov, so for that you'll have to wait a little bit more, sorry, but I hope you will still like this one.

Edit: Reader's pov: Feels (Wistful) like Summer Rain

Kelly knew this; she was neither stupid nor blind.

Feelings are still something fragile if not treated with proper care.

She knew perfectly well that relationships after a while reach a phase of stalemate, of monotony; it was normal, a routine was formed.

There was nothing strange about the fact that after a while the 'honeymoon' period ended; it was not like they were living in the world of fairy tales, where everything ended with a “happily ever after.”

That was the real world, and in the real world relationships after a while lost that booster effect given by serotonin

But Max almost didn't seem to know that. He always seemed to expect something extra, anything, and she couldn't figure out what more she could do, something she wasn't already doing.

A relationship was not a one-sided commitment, but she felt she was the only one who had been committed for a while.

What was worse was that Max didn't even seem to notice what was happening.

It had been a while since Kelly had noticed how their relationship seemed to have suffered a jolt of some kind, but she had thought their estrangement was something temporary. Something due to the amount of work and travel that had increased for both of them in the last while. Something that would recover after they took time to readjust, resetting to their new priorities.

But that moment never seemed to come, and Kelly sensed it.

Max was not telling her something, something heavy, important, and that to her was a blatant sign that something was wrong, and the fact that he refused to confront was just another confirmation.

She really did not understand if he was immune to the tension present when she tried to bring up the subject, or if he really didn't perceive the slightest change in their relationship and what was happening was just in her head?

No, it was not in her head. Although she had hoped so, that she had imagined it all.

She had confirmed this when Max had begun to show up more rarely at her events. To give her less and less notice of his presence at those same events. Seeing them in the same place together had become a jackpot.

How could he have told her that rather than attend one of her fashion shows he would rather listen to you complain about yet another unnecessary purchase you had made for aesthetic reasons.

Kelly had come to know about it a few months later, and it had been lightning in a sky she thought was clearing.

Max had regained that light he had when she had first met him, and she had, perhaps naively, thought that their relationship was recovering, and finding out that it was not had hurt her more than she had thought.

Or perhaps she wanted to believe that their relationship could recover and pretend that the malicious thoughts that kept her from sleeping at night had never existed.

Penelope, with all the innocence typical of children, had asked if she could meet Maxie's friend, the one who worked in radio, because “Maxie is always happier when we hear her on the radio.Maxie is always happy, but when we listen to her broadcast he's happier. She sounds kind. Maxie says she is. And that she always has candy. Can we meet her mom?”

And Kelly was taken aback. She must have been lost in thought for longer than expected, because her daughter was looking at her worriedly, squeezing her hand with her own

“We'll see what can be done.”

That was what she had answered, because Penelope rarely asked her for anything, and she didn't want to say no. Not when she knew how much effort it had taken her daughter to make that request to her

It had taken her a while to connect your name to your own person:you had glimpsed each other at a few events you had both attended but she did not feel like she had ever interacted with you directly.

Yet she had the constant feeling that she knew you, a feeling that had settled at the pit of her stomach and then, it had simply clicked.

You were there at Max's races when he was still a rookie.

You were one of the few people Jos didn't seem to complain about. She should have remembered you for that alone, but in fairness, Kelly had never paid too much attention to what Jos said.

You were a friend of Max's, that's where she must have seen you.

But then you had disappeared.

It was justifiable that she had not remembered you immediately: you had never spoken, but you had frequented the same environment, at least for a while, that's why you looked familiar.

But it wasn't just that, the more she thought about where she might have seen you, the more she could think of an impressive number of conversations in which Max had mentioned you, little episodes that made his eyes sparkle.

There, at that very moment, she had connected the dots, and finally everything made sense.

Max had not become her Max again because of her, and maybe, just maybe, it had really only been hers for a short time, because Max had never spoken about her with that light in his eyes.

It was almost ironic, how Max was refusing to talk about you, when it was something he had always done inadvertently for so long.

She had waited until Penelope was with Daniil to broach the subject with Max: if he didn't want to do it, then she would take care of it, whether he wanted to or not.

Max could be aggressive even off the track when he was touched on a nerve, and you, it seemed from his reaction, were not just one nerve, you were the whole bundle.

At that moment there was no sign of the sweet and apprehensive Max, no,that Max had left room only for wrath and venom, and Kelly just wondered how it was possible that the police hadn't come knocking on their door asking them to tone it down, following the complaint of disturbing the peace that surely the neighbors had made because of their yelling.

They had not broken up well, not at all, and she had even tried to hate you for a while because of that.

She had really wanted to hate you.

You were the person who owned Max's heart, and you didn't even know it, while she felt betrayed.

It was your fault that Max had turned away from her.

It was her right to hate you.

But it was not your fault that her relationship with Max had ended in such an unpleasant way.

Even though Kelly wanted so badly to blame you for something, anything.

You hadn't interacted with Max in years, probably since you stopped coming to his competitions, and she knew it. She knew because in her desperate search for something to make her hatred of you seem justified, Kelly had hoped to find even one article about the two of you.

But she had found nothing.

Even that had hurt her more than she thought.

And she couldn't hate you simply because you existed.

When she had seen the pictures of that grand opening, of the two of you on that terrace, of the look in Max's eyes, she had wanted to laugh.

But she hadn't been able to.

It was so obvious that Max would have pulled the moon out of the sky if you had asked him to.

It was obvious you would never ask him to do it for fear of getting hurt again.

Kelly knew this, she was neither stupid nor blind.

Feelings are still something fragile if not treated with proper care

[tobiasdrake]

Sending this as a separate ask instead of a post comment - but why do you think Buffy allows for the healing and restoration of Willow after s6 where it cannot handle Faith? (Is it because Willow is a main but Faith is a side character? Or because Willow has almost always been a force for good throughout multiple seasons of good will where Faith has primarily been a force for bad? Or because Faith made her bad personal to Buffy but Willow was a bit more all-encompassing?)

I think there's a variety of reasons.

For one, it's too personal for Buffy the character. Faith's crimes were directly committed against Buffy, and some against Angel. But Angel's headspace is that of an atoner, or someone who understands what it is to have terrible things you regret, so he's better situated to offer forgiveness and healing.

With Buffy, she both has a lot of bad blood and a perspective that isn't well-suited to offering healing guidance. She tries, initially. But by the time Buffy stabbed Faith in the gut with her own knife, they were a little too far over the edge for warm blankets and healing cocoa. And Faith's worst crime against Buffy was still to come.

Meanwhile, with the Willow situation, it should be noted that Buffy fails her attempts to reach out to Willow. Ultimately it's Xander who saves Willow through their longstanding relationship, and then Giles who takes responsibility for guiding her in recovery.

This sort of thing just... isn't Buffy's wheelhouse. She's accepting of people who've changed, but she's not well-suited to being their catalyst for change. At least, not on purpose, as she does feature heavily in the evolution of Spike.

Another factor is the fact that Willow's storyline is analogous to a steadily worsening substance abuse problem that begins in the season 2 climax and reaches its apex in the season 6 climax. When she becomes the Surprise Antagonist of season 6, she is not of sound mind. It's a moment of temporary insanity compounded by the fact that the first thing she did under the temporary insanity was coke herself up to her eyeballs.

Giles doesn't so much take her into moral rehabilitation as he does into drug rehab. Willow has a problem. Willow isn't the problem.

By contrast, the only force influencing Faith's decision-making is Faith. She makes a bad call in the heat of the moment and then rather than accept responsibility and face the fact that she fucked up, she deflects responsibility and snowballs.

Everything Faith does from the moment she tries to pin the murder on Buffy is an act of desperation, denial, and self-destruction. Whatever she needs to do in order to not have to feel bad for what happened. To blow it off, to escape her guilt, she spirals and gets steadily worse.

It's worth noting that Angel himself very nearly nipped it all in the bud all the way back in 03x15 "Consequences", by pretty much doing the same thing he ends up doing in his own series: Relating to Faith's guilt and offering acceptance and understanding. Trying to make her feel emotionally safe enough to let down her walls and open up, both to him and to herself.

Which seemed to be working right up until Wesley stormed in and started making arrest orders. Which consequently made Faith feel very unsafe here and drove her farther away from the group.

Healing requires the cultivation of trust in a judgment-free environment. Wesley ruined Angel's first attempt at offering that to Faith. Meanwhile, Buffy can't really relate to the feeling of regretting a murder and as things with Faith escalated, eventually and quite reasonably reached a point where she had no empathy for Faith left to offer. Faith crossed too far over the line and Buffy ran out of fucks to give.

So Willow had a problem, while Faith was a problem. Which really just means Faith had a problem that's a lot more complicated and difficult to unpack than "Willow's going on a grief-fueled bender."

But also... Yeah, the fact that Willow's been one of the gang for six years is probably also a factor. There's a little bit of bias in the Scooby Gang. Xander literally says during the debate over killing Anya in season 7, "When our friends go crazy and kill people, we help them!"

In fact, that argument is a very solid examination of Buffy's moral philosophy. Buffy very clearly lays out that despite their past history together, she has no empathy for Anya because:

1 - Anya's a demon, not a human. 2 - Anya chose to become this way. Twice. 3 - Xander tries to counter with the point that Buffy's awfully forgiving of her vampire boyfriends, and Buffy counters with the salient point that, hey, remember when she killed Angel too?

Buffy goes after Anya with murder in her eyes, and it's only because of Willow and Xander that she's given the chance to come back into the fold instead.

Buffy just... isn't a healer.

There's a lot of similarity between Anya's situation and Faith's. The differences being that a) Faith is a human, so point 1 doesn't stand even though point 2 still does. But also b) Faith doesn't have a deep and years-long friendship with these people. Once Buffy gives up on her, that's it. There is nobody left who sees good in her. Not one.

But there is one person who's willing to offer a guiding hand through the darkness anyway. Someone whose belief system isn't about seeing good in people, but about the choices we all make along the way and the ability we all have to choose differently.

[wyngigi]

ꕀ LUST FOR LIFE ꕀ 02

↳ sex money feelings die remastered .ᐟ cross posted on ao3

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“ they say only the good die young, that just ain't right 'cause we're having too much fun, too much fun tonight ”

↳ synopsis: a group of individuals find that their first taste of freedom in the world brings more obstacles than expected. some of them, find solace by drowning in liquor or in the backseat of somebody else’s car. a lot of them have got to get their shit together. a lot of them won't.

mdni » story contains nsfw content intended for 18+ audiences pairings » member specific, not listed for spoiler purposes ↳󠁪󠁪 ateez x female reader, ateez x ateez ↳ genre » coming of age ↳ word count » 3.5k ↳ general warnings » substance abuse & consumption, sexual content, morally grey characters, unreliable narrators, internalised homophobia, angst, basically every struggle young adolescence can go through

02⌇relationships, fuck buddies, heartbreaks

San has made a lot of bad decisions in his lifetime. For starters, back in the golden days of high school he decided to skip class and go on a bike ride with his friends. It was fun, until they decided to add alcohol into the mix, then it got stupidly fun. He ended up on the ground with his bike reduced to a pile of metal scraps with wheels. The addition of a nasty scar near his hairline wasn’t the most favourable either. His parents weren’t happy with that, nor when he hosted a house party the very next weekend that got more than just a little out of hand.

He’s glad most of the mistakes were correctable in some way. The bike definitely wasn’t salvageable, but he did eventually get a new one. Then, after the party, he had to give up a month’s allowance to mend the window he had broken after an intense game of beer pong. That month he also decided to take up a part-time job.

To put it plainly, San doesn’t make a lot of good decisions. Even after transitioning out of the angsty rebellious teen phase, trouble seems to just follow him. It’s okay with him though, he doesn’t just live with chaos, he thrives in it. Some things really do not change.

The building in front of him, previously only seen through images online stands almost confronting now. His clothes make him feel worse, like extremely out of place. They’re all wrinkled from being worn on the airplane and subway ride, and he feels the stares of people in their expensive evening wear as they walk by. It’s too late to back down now, so he reaches for his phone to inform the reason he’s here of his arrival. As he waits, San pays extra attention to his surroundings. Movies were right about one thing; New York, the city that never sleeps. He likes it, the honking cars in the distance and the occasional construction sounds are comforting in a strange way. Life at home felt too quiet, especially after you left.

He loves to be on the move, the thrill of exploring has always been dangerously enticing. San could have done that in lots of ways after high school, spontaneous road trip, booking a one-way ticket to anywhere he could think of. Temporary choices. He didn’t want that though, San wanted to live big. After more thought, transferring to a college that requires a plane ride to reach his hometown might’ve been living a little bigger than he anticipated.

He looks down at his phone, fumbling with the volume button in attempt to seem busy while he waits for a reply from his soon-to-be roommate. He hasn’t packed much, but his backpack has been weighing him down for twenty minutes after his subway commute. San checks his phone again, no reply.

There wasn’t much special about this college, education wise nothing he couldn’t have gained from any closer schools, but this one had something else. Someone else. San is well aware how moronic it is to chase after an ex (well, ex something) yet here he is, outside an apartment five miles from the campus you attend. His plan was always to move to a school further away. San’s decision to move to this school was only slightly influenced by the “vague” memory of your attendance here.

The rest of his belongings, haphazardly thrown into cardboard boxes are on the way soon, hopefully. The moving process is more complicated than San ought to have believed. He doesn’t have anything of too much value from home, except for his well-loved motorcycle. A more recent purchase, a gift to himself for finally deciding to make the big move.

A figure appears from the apartment building’s entrance and San hopes his prayers have been answered, for once. The man across from him squints his eyes curiously, recognition fills them instead after a few seconds and a grin spreads across his face.

“San, right?”

“I don’t get it; you know you could easily pay for this place yourself.” A second voice scoffs, chiming in, “Yeah, you just got the last roomie out. Why don’t you enjoy solo living for a while?” The two boys across from Mingi aren’t accusatory in tone, yet he feels it from their expression. It’s probably stupid from their view, understandably. It’s also kind of stupid from his, he’s just lonely. He can’t say that to them though. It’s hard to not sound like a wealthy prick whose upset his friends have jobs and other friends while he’s spending his days rotting away in some luxury penthouse in Brooklyn Heights.

“Dunno, save money I guess.” Wooyoung scoffs, “Complete bullshit, your parents pay for this place.” Mingi shrugs, “Saving them money, then.” Mingi watches as Wooyoung taps the boy next to him on the floor, holding his hand out. Yeosang squints up at him, elbow resting on his knee, lit joint in his hand sending smoke around in small swirls. “Puff, puff, pass fuckin’ hog.” Yeosang takes another drag, blowing a stream of smoke into the other’s face.

“Not even your stash, stop acting stingy.” Wooyoung rolls his eyes in response, bringing the stick up to his mouth as he leans back into the upholstered sofa. Mingi scowls, “Get another burn mark in this couch and I’m done with you forever.” Wooyoung hovers the lit end of the joint just above the leathered surface before the former knocks his hand away lightly. Wooyoung grins, passing Mingi the joint in surrender. He shuffles in his spot before bringing the stick to his lips between two fingers. Yeosang lays his back onto the cashmere carpet, stretching out his back.

Mingi likes the two boys. They are his friends, as much as friends who come to your place to smoke all your weed and use your fancy television can be. They keep him company, when they’re not studying or working, or at some shitty frat party. Mingi doesn’t really wish to join in on the trashy ragers they go to, it’s all cheap liquor that’ll leave him with a bad hangover. Sometimes he thinks he really does live up to the pretentious rich kid stereotype.

“So,” Yeosang continues, eyes still closed as he lies down, “Who is the new roomie?” Mingi clears his throat to respond, yet the other voice in the room interrupts. “Seriously though, who cares, I’m still grieving the last one. Missing him.”

“You’ve seen him a total of like, seven times.” Yeosang lifts his head up to give the youngest of the three a judgemental look, “Have you guys even spoken before?”

Mingi snorts, “They did, once. Hongjoong lost his key and Wooyoung let him in. He was too out of it to respond and ran to the bathroom to throw up.”  The black-haired boy scowls, “Don’t care. He was hot. Fuck happened to him?”

Mingi shrugs, he doesn’t really know much about his old roommate either. He moved in because the guy was looking for some extra studio space. Some preppy art school kid. Not a lot to know, apart from the fact he drank a little too much. And barely spoke unless he was wasted out of his mind. He didn’t mind it though, just enjoyed having someone to share his place with. To be honest, the place just feels so hollow with just him in it. Last week he had packed his stuff up, handed his key to Mingi and on his way he went. Mingi didn’t have a lot of friends, dropping out of school early kind of kickstarts that. All of Mingi’s old friends were off in foreign countries, travelling and exploring with their parent’s money, and the two with him now were always closer to each other. Not that they’d exclude him, but they were each other’s best friends.

“Long story, you guys hungry?” The two boys nod. Yeosang props himself up, “New restaurant opened up like last week down the road.” Mingi nods, moving to get up before Wooyoung sucks in a breath. “Your treat though, yeah?” He sings, patting the boy on the chest. Mingi nods letting the two make their way out first as he reaches for his wallet on the coffee table. “What are friends for?” He mutters, shoving the wallet into his pocket.

Ever since Jongho was young, he knew he belonged on the field. Football wasn’t just about the winning, the congratulations or the glory of the trophies and medals, it was more than that. He couldn’t boil it down to one thing that made football so important to him. He loved the chill against his skin as he ran across the grass, ball in his grasp as the screaming and shouting all melted in a dull buzz. He loved when after every point he scored added up onto the scoreboard, celebratory ding ringing in his ears louder than any cheers from his team or the crowd.

The game had always been his calling, the practices just as much entertainment to him. Loved the drills, again and again. First one on the field and last to leave. He was unstoppable, sum it up to physical advantage, extra training, but what he knew was that it all began with his mentality. That this was the thing nobody could take from him. Unfortunately, life will always find a way to do exactly that.

His dad, who had fuelled his love for the game for a much younger Jongho many years ago was sick. Jongho knew he was ill; he also knew that the last thing his dad would want to see was him crying at his bedside. So, he chose to be strong. Or try to, as much as one can when you want to cry and hide until the hurt in one’s heart would cease. He went to practices with his team as much as he could, tackled, defended until his body gave up. Then, he would get up and do the same thing again the very next day.

He pretended as long as he could, that nothing in his life had changed. He’d come home from practice, ask his dad if he wanted to throw the ball around with him and when his dad would shake his head and respond with a simple “Too tired, tomorrow maybe.” Jongho would smile, close the door and return to his room. It was easier, to agree his dad was tired, not sick.

It was hard to ignore other things though, like in his house. The paintings his parents bought during their trip in Greece had been sold, his mom’s engagement ring pawned off, the small tv he kept in his bedroom given away in a garage sale for practically nothing. Jongho would be stupid if he didn’t notice they were having money troubles. So, he did something he really, really didn’t want to do.

Quitting his team was one of the first times Jongho had felt completely and utterly hopeless. But he also knew it was the right thing to do. Too much money spent on his equipment and uniforms, too much time taken away that he didn’t have. So, his afternoons routinely spent sweating, running and catching transformed into mind numbing endless shifts at his local convenience store, as well as studying harder than he ever had before.

During his final semester he joined his team again, played the final games of the season but, the universe is cruel sometimes, so damn cruel. Just under a year of being off the field had set him back too far, no amount of practice could’ve helped him. The other top players of the team had received sport scholarships from some of the top schools, and he was left behind. He’s glad to have at least paid enough attention in school to receive a scholarship, an academic one for science. Without it, college fees would’ve set him back far more.

His first year of college went by with a breeze, then the universe had made its round again. Jongho’s dad had passed away, peacefully, in his sleep on New Years. His nights spent buried in books, reviewing lectures and revising for exams had turned into endless bottles of whatever he could get his hands on until he’d pass out. Then, he would get up and do the same thing again the very next day. He doesn’t talk about his dad much for obvious reasons, but by the start of his second year he had entered lectures painfully wasted or stoned out of his mind instead.

Wooyoung’s spent his whole life thinking about love. Watching it first with his parents, as his mom would look up into his dad’s eyes, fixing his tie while he tucked her hair behind her ear before they’d leave for their weekly date night. They were the classic high school sweethearts. He didn’t know exactly what love would be in store for him yet, but he knew what his parents had was simple, plain, love.

As he got older, he watched it in elementary school. More juvenile versions of it, smiles across the playground and confessions scribbled onto paper. He also remembers his first crush. She was pretty, always waved to him in middle school before running off to her friends. Wooyoung would walk the longer route to his own classes to see her as she passed him, locking eyes before one of them (usually him) would feel his breath hitch and he’d walk a little faster. They even went to their school dance together, by that he means they held hands and stood next to each other at the punch table.

They never dated but she was also his first heartbreak in a sense, thanks to the new guy that showed up and swept her off her feet by their final year of middle school. Wooyoung hadn’t cared too much after like a week, they went off to different high schools and he’d forgotten all about her. He certainly doesn’t remember much of her now, but he does remember the feeling of loving someone for the first time. Whatever illusioned version of love a person can have in their teenage years.

By the time high school ended, he’d enjoyed his fair share of relationships, fuck buddies, heartbreaks and whatever else there was in between. Unfortunately, that meant the rose-coloured lenses of his adolescence had been removed, and love had gradually become more of a whimsical fantasy than something he’d truly ever achieve. Life just got in the way most of the time, made relationships way too complicated. Therefore, in the meantime, while he waited for the special someone to come along he chose to embrace college life to the absolute fullest. Which translates to get wasted every weekend and wake up with a stranger in your bed.

“Any of you planning to get some tonight? Because I know I am,” Wooyoung winks. Mingi scoffs, picking up a slice of pizza, “Didn’t I tell you I’m not going? Those parties you and Yeosang go to are always so,” he pauses, holding his hands up to find an eloquent expression, “fucked up.” Yeosang pleads, “You can’t be lame tonight too, dude.” Placing his cup down he continues, “Wooyoung’s gonna ditch me before he’s even gotten a drink in him. Just come with.” Mingi shakes his head, “Isn’t your roommate going? Just stay with him,” he offers with a shrug.

Yeosang exhales, arms dropping to his sides, “Yes, exactly- I don’t want to be drunk around him. I swear Yunho’s straight as shit and I’m gonna try make out with him or something. You need to be there to stop me, deadass.” Mingi purses his lips, “I don’t know, new roommate’s bringing all his shit tonight and I said I was gonna help him unpack.” Wooyoung swallows his bite quickly, tilting his chin towards Mingi, “Didn’t he transfer to Columbia? He would’ve seen the flyers, I’m sure he’d be going already.”

Mingi sighs in defeat, nodding, “I’m gonna head back now. I’ll ask once I get there, text me the details yeah?” The boys break out into grins, elbowing each other in celebration. “Yeah, I got you. See you man.” Yeosang hits Mingi on the arm shooting him a small smile, while Wooyoung bids him goodbye with a tap to his behind, the two watch him leave the store before continuing to finish their food. Unfortunately for the tallest of the three, Mingi hadn’t told them how cute his new roommate was, and just how nervous he’d been around him since the first time they met.

Mingi takes a deep breath, closing his eyes for a moment to pray he doesn’t embarrass himself. He shuts the door behind him before making his way to the living room. Stacks of cardboard boxes greet him, splayed out on the ground. Mingi spots books and stacks of clothing folded messily in some of the opened boxes. He furrows his brows looking around for the boy.

After toeing off his shoes, he places his keys on the counter before calling out, “Hey, San?” Shuffling is heard in the distance before Mingi turns around and finds who he’s looking for. Unfortunately for him, (fortunate for his eyes) the boy is far less clothed than he had anticipated. Holy shit. This new roommate of his is really fucking jacked. And worse, even hotter without a shirt.

“Hey! I’ll get the boxes cleared soon,” San pauses, eyes widening as he notices how Mingi is frozen in place, “Sorry um, moving just got kind of uh, hot.” He presses his lips into a thin line before gesturing towards his very half-naked body. Mingi shakes his head quickly, “No dude it’s fine, is the AC not working or, something?” Mingi realises how much he needs to peel his eyes away, so he does. Extremely unwillingly. His hands tremble as he shrugs his jacket off. Mingi turns away from man opposite him whose still very much not clothed to busy himself with a desperately needed glass of water.

San scratches the back of his neck, looking down, “I don’t really, know how to use it? Embarrassing I know, but I just have some shitty remote. Not the whole touch screen thing, not that it’s bad at all! This whole place is really great, your bedroom is really nice by the way. Not in that way! I just walked in accidentally, this place has a lot of rooms. My bedroom is really great too. Oh my god, I need to shut up. I’m sorry.”

A small chuckle escapes before Mingi can suppress it, “I’ll show you how to use it later. Have you um, unpacked enough of your clothes yet? My friends were asking if you wanted to come with us to that Columbia party tonight.” San grins in return, nodding enthusiastically, “Yeah!” he clears his throat, “Yeah, for sure. No that’s cool with me, I was planning on going already.”

“Okay, yeah. Cool. I’m gonna get changed then we can meet them there.” Mingi empties the last bit of water from his glass, watching as San rubs his now sweaty hands on the sides of his pants. He spins on his heels, returning back to boxes he was previously sorting through. Mingi mutters a quick “see you in a bit” before rushing past the other, off to his bedroom. He pushes his door shut quickly, pulling out his phone as he slides against the wall down to the floor.

mingi: fuck me yeosang: thank u god i knew this day wld come

mingi: wtf dude no

new roomie is hot as fuck yeosang: thought you finally loved me back

kidding spill

so what does he have that i dont Mingi rolls his eyes, poking his tongue to the inside of his cheek before typing frantically back.

mingi: can u shut up

i alr thought he was cute n then he walked in half naked and i Don’t Know What To Do yeosang: is he coming party tn ?

mingi: yes . i want to jump his bones

yeosang: cant wait to see that

mingi: ok voyeur kink is not needed rn

yeosang: sorry i thought this was a Safe Space

mingi: how do i live with him now

i cant be normal around hot ppl

yeosang: idk man u kno i don’t fuck the roomies for a reason

need me to keep u on lock tn ? js keep me from yunho i beg

mingi: i think ill b ok

Can i fuck yunho instead

yeosang: not funny

mingi: sorry x

wooyoung: god when is my hot roomie coming along ..

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[zvtara-was-never-canon]

What does Zuko do for Mai? She clearly puts a lot of effort into the relationship but he doesn't.

He had a lot of growing up to do before he could be in a relationship with ANY girl. Mai came through for him but he never did for her. It makes sense that he originally didn't have a love interest.

...You come into MY HOUSE to talk shit about MY BOY? And about MY SHIP? Anon, grab a sword, we're gonna fight!

Okay now, jokes aside, while Zuko has some maturing to do, so does Mai. And they'd still make mistakes even if their family lives hadn't deeply traumatized them because they're teenagers. Lots of the mistakes they've made (jealousy, poor communication, one accidentally being too aloof, etc) are stuff perfectly healthy and mature adults still make because surprise surprise, figuring out how to make things work with someone is hard, and considering their traumas and the situation they were in, they could have done A LOT worse.

Nothing either of them has done crosses the line into "Behavior that indicates this person should not be in a romantic relationship with ANYONE, at least for now." It's typical relationship stuff that either results on a permanent break-up or a temporary falling out that pushes both to get their shit together and be better for each other.

Not to mention, the root of all of Zuko's issues was the fact that he was abuse victim who was struggling to cope with his abuser being not only his own father but the absolute monarch of their nation. He got used to not being able to trust that someone's affection for him was genuine, to fear that it could suddenly be stolen away.

That he couldn't rely on anyone else because THE person that was supposed to take care of him betrayed him in such a cruel way and got away with it. That feeling entitled to things and then using whatever means to obtain it was the ONLY way to not be neglected, ignored and taken advantage of.

His abuser is gone now, but no matter how much therapy (or at least the ATLA equivalent of it) he gets, Zuko will only learn how to have healthy relationship through practical means because it's REALLY easy to be a good partner in THEORY, but things always get messy when you're dealing with the real thing.

Reality is very different from hypothetical scenarios in which you're dealing with the idea of a partner that never misunderstands you, never says things in a way that didn't realize weren't clear enough for you, never loses their temper, never takes things to heart, never fucks up, never needs a bit of space when you fuck up, never is as in the dark as you are about how to handle an unexpected issue, never gets too needy, never gets too distant - never acts like a human being.

Zuko still makes mistakes when it comes to his uncle and his friends, but no one says "That means Zuko should not have a father figure nor friends" because we saw that being alone Gives Him Very Bad Ideas. Why should romance be any different? A relative or a friend can hurt you just as much as a romantic partner can, and be just as hurt by stuff you do. It makes no sense to act like a flawed person is allowed to want a family and friends, but not a committed relationship.

As to what Mai gets out of this:

1 - Zuko loves her for who she is and canonically likes it when she expresses herself, even when what she is expressing is "Zuko, I'm done with your bullshit". For someone who has been neglected and taught over and over that her opinions don't matter, that means a lot.

2 - When Zuko changed sides, he didn't try to guilt her into leaving with him, and didn't hold it against her when it looked like she was gonna remain loyal to Azula. Compare that to her parents not giving a shit that she didn't want to move to Omashu, or to her knowing there was a possibility of her getting killed by Azula if she displeased her, and tell me in which relationship Mai feels she has the most agency.

Zuko is not a perfect boyfriend, but the simple fact that Mai isn't even slightly afraid to talk back to him when he goes too far speaks volumes on who she feels safer with and trusts to never try to coerce her into staying if she ever decides to leave.

3 - Mai and Zuko enjoy each other's company, are attracted to each other and he is as openly affectionate with her as she is with him. Even the sea-shell she didn't like and the ice-cream he accidentally dropped on her lap were just him trying to spoil her a bit - and he managed to do it in a way she'd appreciate in Nightmares and Daydreams.

He can be a jerk sometimes due to his anger issues (something he canonically was working on and wanted to move past), but he could also be a genuinely caring boyfriend.

4 - Zuko was also neglected and made to feel worthless for most of his life. They can relate to each other.

5 - Three years into his banishment, after no seeing her for a long time and unsure if he'd ever even hear from her again, he still thought of how Azula pulled a prank on them because of Mai's crush on him.

He constantly sought her out for comfort when he was back in the Fire Nation, even when she didn't really know how to handle that yet. Out of all the things he had left behind when he joined the Gaang, she was the one he openly said he'd miss. He was overjoyed when they were reunited in the finale.

Even his not at all healthy levels of jealousy are extra proof that he isn't just putting up with her like her family, he cares about her and actively WANTS her in his life, to the point of being scared that someone could "steal" her from him - and again, Mai feels more than comfortable enough to call him out when he goes too far, so it never crosses the line into "He means well, so lets excuse the bad behavior."

Mai feels wanted, safe and understood. Girl could do a lot worse.

[generouskittentidalwave]

Astro boy reboot, oh boy

So news of the new Astro boy reboot series broke out like WILD FIRE and as I predicted the fandom that has been waiting so long for it is very worried of how it'll turn out

But honestly

I'm actually quite hyped for it.

They removed the Miraculous creator from working on it which is a great start in my book THANK THE HEAVENS. Secondly I don't mind Astro having a girl he has feelings for at 9 as that happened in the 80s version and it was genuinely very sweet (ya know until she was found out to be a bomb and the two had to heartbreakingly seperate by her needing to be taken apart which destroyed the fandom's hearts). And he had plenty of crushes over the years so I'm not phased by it.

The only thing I hope for is that they don't make her human, because the problem with a robot child being together with a normal human child is the fact that she can age and he can't as he is permanently stuck with the mind and body of a 9 year old, so OOOO THAT RELATIONSHIP WILL BE *BAD* IN THE LONG RUN IF THEY MAKE THE RELATIONSHIP A PERMANENT THING AND NOT TEMPORARY.

Now to talk about some other things, I am actually really excited for the plot. It's a very slept on plot on the idea that Astro has to keep his robot identity secret from others to blend in as human and sometimes not even discovering he is a robot himself till later as usually unless told or shown otherwise Astro is mistaken to be a normal human child. That idea of self discovery and finding about who you are, who can from, and who you decide to be is a core trait for Astro and I find the plot as a cool way to show that.

And speaking of which, the elephant in the room. Tobio. By the looks of the plot it makes it known that Astro is gonna have the hero name be Astro when he is fighting and will most likely be called Atom by others AND I HOPE I PRAY TEZUKA GOD OF MANGA YOU BETTER HELP HERE I HOPE that they actually keep in and address the fact that Astro/robot Tobio is a robotic replacement by a father gone mad of his 9 year old dying in a tragic car accident as it's a CORE part of his character. The implication that robot Tobio has been living as a replacement in this series and is discovering himself and who he truly is by becoming Astro would be SO COOL

Lastly, the cgi, ima be honest it looks pretty decent. I like the way it looks as we could've gotten something so much worse if it was animated like Miraculous believe me. It looks bright, cartoony and colorful which ppl associate with it causing stir for it being aimed towards kids but the original Astro boy was also aimed towards kids in that same goofy cartoon style. What made it memorable was the story, the meaning, how a goofy and silly looking manga who could hold such darkness and truth and bringing to light deep societal and human issues while dealing with the inner turmoil of a boy trying to find out who he truly is beyond what he was made for. That he isn't a replacement, that he isn't just a robot. So as long as they are able or atleast TRY to hit that mark, then that's what matters to me more than the style.

In conclusion, it's just the pitch idea mind you, just a summed up concept. Everything is subject to be changed and tweaked as things get made and processed. For all we know it could end up being something completely different. The fandom has a reason to be on edge but we should be atleast a bit more open minded towards it until we see it in action it might not be another 2003 but it's definetly no 2009. And as for the ones working on it with both Tezuka productions and the fandom holding them at gunpoint over a series we've waited nearly a decade for, that better encourage them to give out one hell of a series.

Also Tenma and Oshan better be the same divorced science dads we all know and love or I swear to god-

[totowlff]

chapter eighteen — pastel blue stains

➝ having a child with toto is challenging for cassie. living with him is something even worse

➝ word count: 3k

➝ warnings: none

➝ author’s note: dedicated to @oatsnsparkle. thinking about you in this hard time.

20 WEEKS You are exactly in the middle of your pregnancy. All of the baby's organs are already formed and continue to mature until birth. Furthermore, the vernix caseosa continues to form on the baby's skin, being pinker at this stage.

The sun streaming in through the window brought Cassie out of her sleep. She sat up, concerned, wondering where her bookshelf went, before realizing that she wasn’t in her own room, or even her own flat, and hadn’t been for almost a week now. Even so, she still hadn’t gotten used to the new surroundings yet. She had made her temporary move to Toto’s house a week ago, and was staying in a guest room, lovingly prepared by Bertha, his housekeeper, but even a week on, she still felt like an interloper. 

She rubbed the sleep out of her eyes as she pulled back the covers. As a mercy, she finally felt like she’d gotten some decent sleep. Between the lower back pain and background anxiety about possibly overstaying her welcome, she’d spent the past few nights tossing and turning. She was also plagued with thoughts about the conversation she and Toto had about the status of their relationship.

Cassie deeply regretted not being honest about her feelings with Toto. She liked him, more than she thought possible, but seeing him so distraught about the prospect of changing the status of their relationship made her decide to set her feelings aside. “It's better this way”, she thought to herself, sitting on the bed with one hand on her stomach, feeling a fluttering in her belly.

— Good morning, my love — she murmured, smiling, as she caressed her belly. 

She stood up from the bed — it was getting more difficult now — and walked over to the closet, where Bertha had put all of her clothes. She opted for a cotton maternity dress. She didn’t have any plans for the day, but slipping on a dress seemed far easier than bending over to put on pants, and she was all for making things easier for herself in this stage of her pregnancy.

As she walked downstairs, Cassie could hear the sound of someone preparing something in the kitchen, the delicious smells of coffee brewing and bacon frying getting stronger as she approached the kitchen. She was surprised when she didn’t see Toto in his usual place at the kitchen table, where he could usually be found reading The Financial Times and drinking his coffee before breakfast.

— Good morning, dear — Bertha said, as Cassie came into the kitchen. She was hovering over the stove, tending to some sizzling meat with a spatula.

— Good morning, Bertha — Cassie said — What are you making today?

— The same thing I’ve made every day since Toto hired me — she said with a small chuckle, looking over her shoulder at Cassie. Cassie laughed as she leaned against the counter.

Bertha had been Toto's housekeeper since he moved to Oxford in 2012 and had been taking care of the place ever since. She kept the entire house tidy, handled Toto’s laundry and cooking, and arranged for things like making sure the garden was tended to and any home repairs were done.

Cassie was surprised to find out that Bertha didn’t live in the house full-time, as she was used to household staff having their own rooms so as to always be available for their employers. However, Bertha had her own house in the city center. She lived alone, as far as Cassie knew. Her husband had died years ago, and her son lived in Germany. Still, she was there most days, and Cassie had enjoyed talking to her in the week that she had been there. She was tender and kind, but Cassie got the sense that she didn’t suffer fools; maybe it was just her strong Scottish accent.

— Really? He never has anything different?

— You know that Toto gripes even when the texture of his toast is off — she said, turning the slice of ham in the frying pan — No matter what I suggest, he likes what he likes, and he likes to have it every single day.

— Yeah, I know — Cassie said with a light laugh, as she watched Bertha go to the toaster to check if the two slices of pumpernickel rye were adequately toasted. She reached into the cupboard behind her, extracting a plate and handing it to the housekeeper.

— Thank you, dear — Bertha said, as the toast popped out of the toaster — Do you want me to make something for you? Some eggs, toast, or even some tea?

— No, no, thank you. I’m not hungry.

— Are you sure? Is your stomach upset? — she asked, glancing at Cassie as she spread butter on the hot surface of the toast — You should eat something if you can, that little lass in your belly needs to grow.

— I'm fine, really. I’m just not hungry right now. I will get something later — Cassie said, watching as Bertha finished off Toto’s breakfast with some sliced tomatoes, sprinkled with salt — Can I take this in to him?

The question took the housekeeper by surprise, but her expression soon softened.

— Yes, thank you, my dear — she replied, as Cassie picked up the plate from the counter. Bertha poured a mug of espresso with a splash of cold milk and handed it to Cassie — Toto is in his office, on the right in the hall, first door. He said he was going to work a little this morning and said he would eat in his office this morning.

With a smile, Cassie thanked her and walked toward Toto’s office. The door was open, and as she stood on the threshold,she couldn't help but notice the way her heart was beating harder, her pulse roaring in her ears and driving the blood to her cheeks.

With his back to her, Toto was reading something on the screen of the iMac he had on his desk. It was positioned facing the window, the front yard of the house extending through the partially closed shutters. On the walls, there were shelves filled with some books and many souvenirs from recent years, such as helmets with signed visors, trophies, medals and photos, all meticulously organized.

After a few seconds of going unnoticed, Cassie cleared her throat. As he turned back, she noticed that Toto was wearing a navy blue dress shirt and the black round-framed glasses he usually wore at home. However, his glasses weren’t able to hide the wrinkles that formed on the top of his nose as he smiled when he realized who was there.

— Good morning, Mr. Wolff — Cassie greeted him, the tone of her voice comically formal. 

— Good morning, Miss Aldersey — Toto laughed, while Cassie placed the plate and mug on the table — To what do I owe the honor of having my breakfast delivered by you?

— Bertha said you were working and that you were going to eat in here, so I decided to bring everything to you.

He smiled again, placing one of his hands next to her hip.

— I appreciate your kindness, Cassie. Well, not just yours, but Ingrid's too — Toto said, his thumb stroking her protruding belly — How is she?

— Well, moving a lot — she replied, placing his hand over where she could feel the fluttering kicks. When he felt his daughter’s movements, he smiled, looking at Cassie and then at her belly.

— Guten Morgen, meine Tochter — Toto murmured, bringing his face closer and kissing her abdomen, in a kind of affectionate greeting.

Cassie had to look away, focusing her eyes on the top of the desk. She couldn’t bear to look directly at him. It was a simple and common gesture between fathers-to-be and their future children, but it was too much for her. She had underestimated the strength of her feelings for him and they were becoming increasingly difficult to manage.

Trying to hide her own discomfort with his proximity to her, Cassie scanned the objects on the desk, her eyes focusing on the neatly lined up pens and the picture frame that had an image of him with a familiar woman.

— What photo is that? — she asked softly, making Toto raise his head with an expression of doubt. Upon realizing what she was talking about, a soft smile appeared on his face.

— It’s us — he replied, taking the picture frame and handing it to her.

The image showed them sitting on a lawn, in camp chairs, side by side. Cassie was laughing widely, looking at Toto, who was smiling with satisfaction. The colors in the photo were soft, the atmosphere almost intimate, although the silhouettes around them indicated that there were more people there. It was genuine, cozy, real and, at the same time, far too dreamlike to be real.

— When was this?

— Austria, during the team barbecue in Valtteri's motorhome — Toto replied, making the memory of that warm night in the Red Bull Ring fill Cassie's mind — Paul has a good eye, despite being annoying.

— I don't find him annoying — she commented, while analyzing the way her hand was resting on his shoulder in the picture, a clear demonstration of the intimacy between them.

— Because you don't have to deal with him every day...

— Toto, we’re in the same department.

— It doesn't matter, he’s still annoying — he murmured with a smile, one of his hands still resting on her belly. Cassie giggled, just like in the photo she was still holding.

It would be a funny coincidence if it weren’t so sad.

Returning the picture frame to Toto, she said she would let him eat and work in peace before leaving the office. He even argued that he didn't mind her presence, but Cassie ignored him, feeling suffocated as she left the room. She strided out of the door leading to the back garden, feeling her heart racing, a familiar anguish knotting up her chest.

As the gentle late summer breeze blew against Cassie's face, she felt her eyes sting with the tears that had been threatening to fall since the moment she had looked at Toto that morning. She felt like a disaster, a mess that was impossible to fix, all because of her damn heart that didn't know how to differentiate between Toto’s kindness and love.

It wasn't love. It hadn't been and never would be, but her stupid head refused to accept the obvious that was staring her in the face.

As she walked away from the house, deeper into the neatly manicured garden, Cassie allowed herself to cry silently, tears streaming down her face and onto her dress. She didn't want to worry Bertha, who was probably still in the kitchen, or Toto. If he saw her crying, she would probably ask why and she knew that would be enough for her to say everything that had been stuck in her throat since the day her eggs had been collected.

It took a while for Cassie to calm down, the baby's occasional movements always triggering a fresh wave of tears. However, motivated by her own stomach's growls, she went back inside, going to the kitchen in search of something to eat.

Cassie avoided Toto for the rest of the day. They didn't have lunch together, but mostly because of an online meeting of his that went on longer than it should have. She took a nap that afternoon to try and ward off the fatigue and the pain in her hips that she’d been experiencing since earlier on in the pregnancy.

She only woke up when a metallic sound echoed through the hallway. After rubbing her eyes, a little confused, Cassie got up, following the noise and murmurs that came directly from the room that would be Ingrid's. When she stopped at the door, she came across an unusual scene.

Crouched on the floor, Toto worked a can of pastel blue paint with a brush, evaluating the liquid curiously. The color hadn't been their first choice, but it was the decorator's recommendation, claiming that the shade would bring tranquility to the room. 

— Do I mix it with water or this? — Toto muttered to himself, taking the bottle of turpentine and reading the label. After a few seconds of watching him, Cassie cleared her throat.

— Need help? — she asked.

Upon seeing that she was there, Toto immediately stood up, running his hand through his hair.

— Well, I'm trying to understand myself with this paint. The guy at the store said it might need to be diluted…

— If it's acrylic and it's very hot — Cassie explained — Didn't you pay attention?

Toto's cheeks started to blush slightly, and he smiled sheepishly.

— I don't think so.

It was her turn to smile.

— You should have paid attention, he gave very good advice.

— Would you mind repeating them to me? — Toto asked, placing his hands on his hips, a suggestive smile on his face.

— No, I don’t.

Cassie helped him arrange the protective plastic over the carpet and covered the baseboards and light switches with blue tape. While Toto arranged the paint in the painting trays, she changed into a pair of denim overalls that she didn't mind getting dirty. Then, they started painting the walls the soft shade of blue, working on different walls in silence.

— Do you know what that color reminds me of? — Toto asked, after some time.

— What? — Cassie murmured, without taking her eyes off the spot she was painting.

— Our car.

She turned, one eyebrow raised.

— Are you serious? — she returned, making him look at Cassie.

— Of course I am, doesn't that color remind you of Petronas blue?

— No, not by a long shot.

— Are you sure? — Toto asked, smiling.

— Absolutely.

Toto shrugged, taking the paint roller to the tray for more paint, while Cassie turned her attention to the details she was painting with a smaller brush. Suddenly, she felt something cold and wet crawl up her back, making her jump as the shiver ran through her skin.

— What the fuck — she grunted, trying to understand what had happened until her eyes found the paint roller in Toto's hand, as well as a malicious smile on his face.

— What?

— Did you paint me?

— Just seeing if it really doesn't look like the blue of our car — he replied, smiling — And I think you're wrong.

Cassie didn't hesitate to take a step forward, taking the brush to the t-shirt Toto was wearing and making a line across his stomach.

— Cassie! — he exclaimed, taking a step back to escape her. The reaction made her laugh.

— Now it’s my turn to test the paint, then!

— Oh, is it going to be like this? — Toto said, bringing the roller to her chest, leaving a blue trail on the front of her overalls.

— Yes — she replied, giving a new stroke, this time, close to his neck.

When Cassie noticed, the two were having a real paint fight, one trying to escape the brushstrokes the other was trying to give. Laughter and teasing filled the room, whose walls were still half finished when they sat on the plastic, with blue traces all over their bodies. However, when she started to put down the brush, Toto took it from her hands.

— Wait a minute — Toto said, while wetting it and drawing something on the overalls, over her belly. Two circles and a curved line, forming a happy face — Now we are all properly painted.

Cassie looked at her stomach for a few seconds and smiled, looking up at Toto. Toto looked at her affectionately, his smile breaking the pastel blue line she had made on his face. It was as if nothing had changed since the fateful conversation they had in that same room.

The memory made her smile melt.

— What’s wrong?

— Nothing, just — Cassie hesitated — I was thinking.

— About what?

— About blue being your color — she lied.

— Does this make you upset? — Toto asked softly.

— Yeah.

He raised an eyebrow.

— Why?

— I wish I looked good in a color like you do — Cassie replied, screwing on another fake smile.

— Well, I think you look good in green — Toto said brushing aside some strands that had escaped from her ponytail.

— Green?

— Yeah, especially darker shades, like the one in the dress you wore to the team dinner last year — he explained, looking at his paint-stained hands.

The memory of the event made Cassie smile. She remembered that she had thought about not wearing that dress, but that the other option was not warm enough for an event held in winter. However, when a colleague made a comment about the color combination, Cassie started to resent it. 

— I don't like it very much, actually.

— No? Why not?

— Adam said I looked like the Irish flag — she murmured.

— I thought you looked beautiful — Toto said with a small smile — Actually, I wanted to say that to you that night, but Nico thought it would be wise to retire the week before and that dinner turned into a mess...

— Yeah, I remember — Cassie said, looking at him — I imagine what it must have been like...

— A relief, if I’m being honest — he replied, making her laugh — You have no idea how hard it was to deal with him and Lewis. I like Nico, but I think putting up with their… Bullshit took years off of my life.

There was more laughter, more knowing looks as they continued to work. However, there was still something melancholy about all of it, at least for Cassie. Maybe it was the way Toto looked at her. Maybe it was the memory that it was in that room that her heart had been crushed by the man she loved. Maybe it was the irony of being there, covered in paint, having to pretend that everything was fine.

— Toto, you — Bertha's voice sounded from somewhere near the door, but soon stopped — My God, what have you both done?

Cassie forced a small smile as Toto stood up.

— We just had a little discussion about the color of the paint.

— And you needed to get it all over everything? Look at the both of you — the woman asked, looking indignant.

— I needed to prove my point, Bertha — Cassie replied, as she was helped to get up from Toto.

— And she didn’t manage to — he added, making her roll her eyes.

Bertha nodded in disbelief.

— You should take a shower and change out of those clothes. Dinner will be done soon.

— As you wish, Mrs. Dumfries — Toto replied, putting on a dramatic voice, laughing at his housekeeper’s dismay.

However, Cassie couldn’t bring herself to laugh, not again. 

[writersdare]

5SOS ♡ Masterlist

Last update: 10.01.2025

Main Masterlist | Requests are temporary closed | Prompt List | Taglist | Recommendations | Angst Endings

♡ – readers' favourite; ♥︎ – the most popular 5SOS work

Luke Hemmings

The Last Time new Summary: It was rather naive of Luke to believe he wouldn’t grow a flaming sympathy for Y/N. Warning: fwb to lovers

Hold Me Tight Summary: Luke has been plagued by nightmares, but Y/N was always there for him. Warning: hurt/comfort, nightmares

Let Me Love You Summary: Luke knew it wasn’t his fault Y/N didn’t let him get any closer, but he just wished to know what he could do to make it better. Warning: angsty, trusting issues, mentioning of a breakup, the reader may have low self-esteem Two Gummy Worms ♡ Summary: Luke was determined to take Y/N on a night drive. Some things, though, didn’t want to go according to his perfect plan. Warning: friends to lovers, fluff, mentioning of food

He Called Her a Fairy Summary: No matter how excited Luke was to go on tour, it was always too heartbreaking to say goodbye to Y/N. However, that parting was worth going through to meet again. Warning: hurt/comfort, angsty

Eyes Can Speak Too Summary: Being blinded by the feelings for each other, Luke and Y/N didn’t see the obvious things. Warning: friends to lovers, angst, trusting issues, a bit of cursing and mentioning of alcohol

Sweeter Than Honey Summary: Spending a simple evening with Y/N, Luke realised she was always his happy place. Warning: fluff

Baby Girl Summary: Even in Y/N’s darkest times, Luke was always there to guide her to the light. Warning: hurt/comfort, disordered eating

Why Won’t You Love Me Summary: Luke and Y/N broke up after a few months of dating so they could at least remain friends, but seemed like it didn’t ease the pain. Warning: angst, fluff, a bit of cursing and mentioning of alcohol

Never Doubt Me Summary: A date, it would seem, could not get any worse, but then Luke remembered a painful rumour he heard about Y/N. Warning: argument

No Longer Together Summary: Trying to move on from a breakup, Luke and Y/N found each other at the same room, playing “spin the bottle”. Warning: College!AU, angst, mention of alcohol and a breakup

More coming...

Ashton Irwin

Keep It Quiet ♡ Summary: Ashton and Y/N kept their relationship a secret for a while, but one interview made the things a little complicated. Warning: none

Give Me Attention Summary: Ashton and Y/N had been friends for a while. However, everything changed once she found out an unpleasant secret he thought to hide from her. Warning: angst, an intimate moment, a bit of cursing and mentioning of alcohol

More coming...

Michael Clifford

Don’t Be a Stranger Summary: The tour was over, and Michael and Y/N finally met again. Both were uncertain who they were to each other after months being apart. Warning: slight angst

Calum Hood

Ghost of You Summary: It had been four months of silence between Calum and Y/N. Could she finally move on?  Warning: angst All Too Well Summary: It’s the first time ever when Calum and Y/N didn’t need to be apart, as they were going on tour together. However, things could never just be perfect, could they? Warning: angst, fluff, a bit of cursing

Strawberry Jam Summary: The winter holidays were simply the best for both Calum and Y/N, especially when a heating problem in their house occurred. Warning: fluff, friends to lovers

Password Is Your Birthday ♡♥︎ Summary: Y/N never doubted Calum’s loyalty, however, once controversial photos were leaked, their relationship was put to the test. Warning: angsty, mention of alcohol

Paris Broke My Heart Part 1 | Part 2 Summary: Calum knew he’d lose Y/N each time she’d start a new relationship, but that time it was different. She was leaving the country, maybe forever. Warning: 18+ (non-detailed smut), angst, fluff, friends to lovers, cursing and mentioning of alcohol

More coming...

– photo is obv not mine and belongs to the rightful owner –

© writersdare | all rights reserved

All stories are original and written by me. Do not copy, trace and post anywhere without permission and credit. The stories are fictional, they do not correspond to reality and written just for fun ♡

[jessilynallendilla]

STAR TREK DS9 FIC REC

TITLE/LINK RATING COMPLETED-WORD-COUNT SERIES

let me know if the links aren't working and feel free to recommend any

The Whittler  VIDEO 

Curse from the Prophets VIDEO 

Little Achievements VIDEO 

Alone Together VIDEO 

JULIAN BASHIR x ELIM GARAK   

Scenes from a Disaster Zone  NR 6861 

Julian's actions on Cardassia have bargained-for consequences, and Garak grapples with ghosts. 

RESTORE, REMAKE, & REBUILD  T 

Eight years after the Dominion War, Dr. Bashir—rather afflicted, unfortunately—is en route to Cardassia Prime. Meanwhile, Garak has re-established himself as a politician of note, and his methods may be the source of more than a little friction. Furthermore, Garak's comrade-in-arms from the Cardassian Rebellion, Kira Nerys, is seeking to define a correct path for the tumultuous planet of Bajor. Ezri Dax, conversely, is struggling with her role in the Federation. The O'Briens are the two people suffering the least, and let me be the first to say, good for them. 

Letters from the Northern Continent  M 7966 

It just figured that the first time Julian Bashir set foot on Cardassia after the war, it would be halfway around the world from Elim Garak. 

Inside Out  M 141174 SERIES 

Ten years ago, Elim Garak went under deep cover as a Bajoran tailor. 

The Cupid Computer  T 12190 

Feeling glum after breaking up with Ezri, Julian accepts Miles’ gift of a popular computer program from Earth, which claims to be able to match anyone to their perfect companion. Only with some tweaking will the program allow Julian to find out how well he’d match with Garak, who’s still living on Cardassia. Surely a 99.6% match is a good enough reason for Garak to come home. 

The Gardener  M 6853 

It's 13 years after the end of the Dominion War, and Elim Garak is alone on Cardassia with the consequences of his choices. Until Julian Bashir shows up, and everything starts to change. Is Garak ready for a new season of his life? 

Blood of the Covenant  EX SERIES 

Things can't stop going wrong for Garak and Julian. There's kidnapping, secrets revealed, temporary insanity, refugees, impending war, and a ruined vacation 

The flickering spark  T 8854 

Following the removal of the wire, Garak and Bashir start a turbulent relationship, with both expecting the moment the other will decide to end things. But that's easier than talk things out, isn't it? 

Broken Carrier  NR 340127 SERIES 

Approximately seven years after the end of the Dominion War, Elim Garak and Dr. Julian Bashir have been enjoined for nearly six years and are living on Cardassia Prime where Julian works in the Capital’s hospital while Garak is involved in unspoken government work. They appear to be a very productive, very happy couple…but is all really well? Because of his illegal enhancements, Julian is a Carrier; in other words, he has the parts to produce and carry children. Unfortunately for him, the process that made him who he is has also left him with flaws and those flaws complicate his and Garak's desire to have what they want most...a family. Julian must not only come to terms with the complications, but also accept that he is not alone in dealing with his sorrow... 

Especially the Lies  M 23673 

It started out as a simple lie. He should have known better than to get involved in a lie with Elim Garak. 

A Matter of Habit  EX 30103 

His mission is simple: DESTROY OMIGOS 15. The year is 2347, and the galaxy is on the brink of war. Sent back into the past by the Federation's Department of Temporal Investigations, Dr Julian Bashir finds himself unwittingly embroiled in secret war between Section 31 and the Obsidian Order. Caught in a deadly game of secrets and lies, he knows one thing for certain: he must destroy Omigos 15. And time is running out. 

Worth Waiting For  EX 48982 

The newly appointed Kai gives Julian an offer to interact with the Orb of Time. Julian is flung far into the past with no idea how long he'll be stuck there. To make matters worse, he crosses paths with a very familiar agent of the Obsidian Order who is clearly up to no good... Why can't anything about him and Garak ever be simple? 

The Alternate  M 31355 SERIES 

Due to a transporter accident, Garak is switched with his counterpart from another universe. A universe where the wormhole doesn't exist, no one has ever heard the word "Dominion", and Garak was never exiled from Cardassia. Instead, he's a Legate. And happily married to one Mr. Julian Garak. Suffice to say, the Alternate Garak takes the transition about as well as he can. The supposedly straight as an arrow Dr. Julian Bashir...not so much. 

Proof  M 81316 

Enabran Tain has retired, and Garak has been second-in-command of the Obsidian Order for over three years. His next assignment is the interrogation of Cardassia’s newest detainee, a Federation doctor charged with espionage. 

Just a Cinch  EX 13336 

For a moment he thought he must be dreaming. He shook his head vigorously, but the vision remained. 

"I seem to have tweaked my shoulder a bit in the accident. Just some help loosening the laces, if you could." 

It's a fucking corset. He's wearing a fucking - 

"Of course," said Julian quickly, aware that he'd been too quiet for too long. He sat down behind Garak and untied the bottom of the laces, his surgeon's instincts allowing him to snap into action while his brain was still reeling. It was plain - utilitarian. None of the decorations or accents that Julian had seen on his other pieces. Somehow, that made it even worse. He doesn't think it's sexy. It's just something he wears. As the laces began to loosen, Garak rolled his shoulders and sighed a little in pleasure. 

a slight complication  T 5430 

When the central database backups are recovered from the rubble of Kardasi'or, Julian Bashir discovers he's no longer a bachelor. 

Thermotaxia  T 10174 

Garak and Bashir find each other in the internment camp, and again after their escape. 

Condemnation M 14554

"Post-'The Wire,' pre-'Our Man Bashir,' when the guys are still having lunch regularly, Julian finds out about something Garak has done, something worse than he ever thought or could have imagined." Can you now see why this story has NGHE?

KID FIC 

Our Collective  G 8011 

Post-canon couple Elim and Julian enjoy collecting things they love. Children, for example. 

Splintered: A Romance in Six Seasons  EX 

How do you help someone that doesn't want to be helped? Julian finds himself rebuilding Cardassia and grappling with resistant locals, a not-much-better-than-useless translator and the realisation that sometimes the frontier brings more than an opportunity to help to the table. 

The Accident  G 15477 SERIES 

Julian thinks nothing could surprise him more than finding out Garak is pregnant. He's wrong. 

Leap  EX 100809 

When Garak's loneliness gets the best of him, Dr. Bashir sets out to prove that he isn't truly alone. Together, they navigate the trials of a swift and passionate relationship, taking several leaps in a short period of time. 

Hatchling  G 5519 SERIES 

"A flower is about to bloom, my dear." 

It took Julian a second. A second Garak would not have forgiven him for taking if he hadn't been so overworked in the last few weeks. Despite his slowness to understand Garak's meaning, it eventually came to his understanding, and his eyes widened in a way that was almost comical. 

"On my way." 

Takes a Village  T 

Garak adopts four Cardassian children after the war orphan incident. He grows as a person as he raises the children, and he learns that while it takes a village to raise a child, it takes a station to raise four. 

Doctor of the Discarded  G 963 

Garak has had enough. The regnar and the riding hound were one thing, the ruined stuffed animals another, but now a child? That's simply too much! 

Some of the buds remain closed as secrets  T 12082 SERIES 

After Ziyal’s death, Garak finds that she has been looking after a young girl, half-Bajoran, half-Cardassian, and now with nowhere to go. 

Somebody's Baby  M SERIES 

Nobody knows the identity of the other father of Garak's baby, and Garak's not telling anybody. Especially not Julian 

Tell Me You See Me  EX 78481 SERIES 

After Garak receives an unexpected communication from Amsha Bashir, Julian finds himself trying to navigate both newfound parenthood and his own unresolved parental issues, in the midst of an increasingly tense situation on war-torn Cardassia. 

ELIM GARAK x KELAS PARMAK 

Faithful  G 1095 

Post Enigma Tales. Julian's presence in the Garak-Parmak household causes more than a few problems for Kelas. 

These Lifeless Things  T 36017 

Someone has to check in on Doctor Bashir for the eight days Castellan Garak is away. Who can care for one doctor better than another? Kelas Parmak reflects on love and recovery. 

Presumed Dead  G 793 

The Obsidian Order is destroyed in the Gamma Quadrant. On the streets of the Cardassian Union Capital, people are celebrating. Parmak is not. 

Nothing Remains Buried  T 12369 

Castellan Garak is called away one night – where he does not say. The next day, the news of a gruesome find from the old regime spreads. Across the Union, the public has to face Cardassia's past, and in a bedroom in the Castellan's residence, Kelas Parmak has to face his lover's. 

The Episode  EX 3289 SERIES 

Post-canon Cardassia, six months into the rebuilding effort, Garak experiences a psychotic episode. 

Of Softer Dragons  M 1000 

Ten drabbles following Elim Garak's relationship with body size 

y mater rhyngddynt // the matter between them  T 16750 

When Elim embraced the Carnis report into war crimes, Kelas had expected that some day, at some time, someone would bring up Elim's past and bring it before a jury. They just didn't expect it to be themself that had to testify against him. 

bury my heart  M 

We may never know the full story as to why Garak was exiled from Cardassia, but there is another mystery to be pieced together. What was the nature of Parmak's involvement with the political group that got him sent to a labour camp? Could these stories be intertwined? Set shortly after Enigma Tales by Una McCormak. Julian Bashir is living with Elim Garak and Kelas Parmak. He's still having long spells of catatonia (trauma related). When he's not catatonic, he's dissociated and still mute 

[paraliveimaginesblog]

Hi! Can I pls request crushing and dating headcanons for GokuLuck? Thank you ❤️😊

Kenta Mikoshiba:

Kenta is like a small dog who gets so excited it bites, nipping at you when he doesn’t mean to just because he doesn’t know what to do with the odd amount of energy coursing through his veins when you’re around. He’s nothing if not painfully honest in regards to the things he dislikes, but when it comes to discerning his true emotions, you think the like and hate line have a very hastily drawn border. He has some contempt for the way you make him feel, and the fact he has a hard time trusting in others, but there’s the giddy side of him that genuinely enjoyed your company and looked forward to talking to you every day.

Not much changed when Kenta was actually your boyfriend. He didn’t like to flex the title unless unnecessary because it was embarrassing to admit he liked someone enough to actually want to be their boyfriend, but you didn’t take it offensively. Seeing the way he dunked on people online who told him to touch grass by mentioning he had a significant other, and that was more than said other person would ever experience, made you giggle. He has a lot of growing to do but you hoped to do it together, knowing that his heart (and his trust) were much more fragile than he might admit.

Ryoga Tosa:

Ryoga is very awkward around you when he has a crush. His stutter gets worse, and he seemed even quieter than usual; the serious look on his face always left you wondering if you rubbed him the wrong way, which directly opposed how he actually felt. He knew being honest was the best idea, but he didn’t exactly see himself as a viable partner, not knowing what he could even offer you in a relationship. He’s content being friendly, but he feels his anger building at the concept of you being with another person romantically.

Ryoga is a protective boyfriend. He doesn’t want you to suffer for his sins, nor does he want you to get a poor reputation because of him, so anyone who has anything nasty to say about you would have to get through him first. He almost doesn’t tell you when insults fly or when he gets into arguments because he doesn’t want you to worry about them or he thinks he should just handle it himself, but you are the person who gets to see the gentler side of this mad dog.

Shion Kaida:

Shion is a smooth operator, flirting with you like it was his second-nature (because it was). He’d become almost too charming for his own good, especially when he saw interest reflected in your eyes; he couldn’t help but launch an attack, wanting to wrap you around his pretty little finger just for all the fun you might bring to his life. Having genuine feelings beyond his normal lust and desire for fulfillment causes him to put a temporary pause on flirting, almost treating you like any other person on the street that he wasn’t attracted to or attempting to sleep with. It’s a defense mechanism more than anything, but he needed time to mull over the feelings in his head and see how you reacted to him pulling back so drastically before he attempted to pursue you seriously.

Shion is a loyal boyfriend. While he remained a little flirty out of habit, he didn’t have eyes for anyone but you. The only person who could satisfy him was you, which was a big responsibility in your eyes but Shion thought you had him handled just fine. He might crave your attention, or demand it depending on his mood, but he returned the affection tenfold. He’d never leave you with a doubt in your mind that he’d love you for an eternity, though he would have to tease you if you were to get jealous of his surface-level interactions with others.

Yuto Inukai:

Yuto considered it a very strong admiration for who you were as a person. He couldn’t help the electricity that shot through him when he saw you, the excitement clear on his face as he tried to think of any excuse he could to talk to you. He felt more at ease talking to you than anyone, trying to ignore the worry that he complained too much and you might think he was a person who only knew how to complain. The romantic feelings aren’t quite obvious until Kenta started dramatically gagging at your interactions, cursing and ordering the two of you to get a room (even though you were simply having a conversation).  

Yuto is a boyfriend who always tried his best. He’s late to dates, he can look a mess when he does show up, but finding that work/life balance is difficult for him. But you’ll have him one hundred percent, even when he’s exhausted to the point of fighting his eyelids despite the sun being high in the sky. He appreciated that you were patient with him, trying to navigate the new relationship by spending as much of his free time with you as possible. He doesn’t expect you to put up with him forever but he hoped to grow into the man you deserved, with a better grasp on his chaotic life.

[mlm-writer]

Jericho (Conner Kent x FtM!Reader)

Pairing: Top!Conner Kent (YJ ver.) x Bottom!FtM!Alien!King!Reader Rating: Explicit (or Mature if you skip the last part) Words: 1565 POV: Second Summary: You fight the final battle to free your people from alien invaders (and then have sex with your bf after) Note: Gayden wanting to write plot vs y’all wanting smut. Inspired by Jericho by Iniko. Reader’s body is described as ‘his true form’, so you get to pick whatever that means for you. Tags: action, murder, alien reader, your nemesis misgenders you but they also murdered your people so idk what you feel like is worse, established relationship, epic fight scene, fluffy sex, Conner low key a service dom, oral (reader receiving), fingering, anal/vaginal sex and cockwarming

The light of your photon-sword was blinding as it tore through your enemies one by one. The purple blood of the invader species coated almost every inch of your armour. The call of your name behind you made you turn around, just in time to see another intruder trying to lunge at you. It screeched as you sliced its torso clean off its hips. Your eyes were glowing with the rage of battle, but even in this enraged state, you could smile at the man who had warned you. Conner was not from your world, but he had fought by your side nonetheless. As long as you were here, it was his home too and he would defend it until his dying breath. 

“I will hold them off, do what you have to,” Conner called from where he was fighting off six pawns at once. Were the lives of your people not endangered, you might have marvelled at his strength and prowess in battle, but time was running out. 

“I will come back,” you assured him. When your eyes met briefly, you could see he was as sure as you were of that promise. You lifted your arm to access the control panel of your armour. “I love you,” you added, just in case, before activating the anti-gravity matrix. Your feet floated off the ground and soon after, the thrusters were taking you up the tower. 

Heavy grey clouds circled the tower, lighting and acid rain protecting the general of the invaders. Your armour was maintaining its integrity through it. It seemed an eternity ago that the structure descended from the sky, bringing trouble with it, but today would be the day you’d make it fall. 

The structure rumbled as you landed on the platform on the rooftop. “Your trespassing ends today!” You roared as you came face to face with the alien that had been in your nightmares for the past years. You were not the same since the first time you were face-to-face with all those eight eyes. You could feel the changes in your body, the power granted by your ancestors rushed through your veins and vibrated through your bones. 

A demonic laugh made the air tremble around you. As the brute hollered in your face, you got a clear view of their three rows of sharp teeth. “It seems the princess has learned how to hold a sword. You really think pretending to be a boy is enough to stop me?” You clenched your teeth, your rage fuelling your sword. Blue flames engulfed the hard-light, illuminating the space between the grey clouds in a cyan glow. 

“The ancestors have granted me my true form and I am about to give you your final one!” You bellowed, before lunging at them. Your sword was like lighting between the clouds. The grief of war and desire for it all to be over burned in your heart. Your foe had underestimated you, but after you cut one of their many limbs off, they were sure to not make that mistake again. Even as your blood mixed with the rain, your energy never faded. 

The battle seemed to drag on forever. You thought you had them cornered, when a limb you had not accounted for seemingly came out of nowhere and knocked your sword out of your hands. The temporary confusion was enough for your nemesis to fling you across the rooftop. You ended up on your back, sliding across the wet roof to the edge. You dug your gloved hand into the floor, slowing yourself down just in time, head already hanging off the edge. 

The heavily wounded beast closed the distance between you, a heavy foot ending up on your torso. You clawed at their ankle, trying to free yourself as they loomed over you. They lowered their monstrous face, a smug look taunting you. “Your ancestors have failed you, little princess,” they snickered as they slowly shoved you more and more off the edge. 

“Fortunately, the king still has a boyfriend!” Instant relief washed over you as you heard the voice, before Conner dashed from below, punching the monster right in their face. They stumbled backwards, giving you the window of opportunity that you needed to get back up your feet. Conner called your name, before tossing you your sword. He was wrestling with the general right after. You caught your weapon mid-air, waiting for Conner to make the beast’s back face you. As soon as it did, you dashed forward, delivering the final blow. There were no last words, just a rumbling scream and then the dark clouds thinned out. The light of your two suns broke through the sky, signalling your people that it was done; it was over; they were free. 

You sighed and collapsed onto the wet roof, the glow in your eyes dying out as exhaustion took over. Conner flew you down to a healer. The people celebrated that night, but you were quick to retreat to your chambers. It smelled weird after not having been used for years, but it was all still intact. You had gotten rid of half your clothes and collapsed on your bed. 

“Can I come in?” You heard Conner through the door. You shouted for him to come in. His warm laugh filled your ears, when he saw you. “After today, I don’t blame you for resting, but you’re missing a great party,” he spoke with amusement in his voice. You groaned and rolled over, now lying face down on the soft sheets. You felt a weight dip the mattress beside you. “Allow me to help,” Conner whispered, before his warm fingers helped you out of the rest of your clothes. 

You used to dread being naked, but in this new body your ancestors gave you to fight the invaders, you looked forward to being naked around your lover. His hands were still on you, pressing in the knots in your back. It was not that good of a massage with dry hands, but you relaxed anyway. 

His touch lingered at your waist and you spread your legs a little in reply. His lips gently kissed your back as his hand travelled between your legs. You lifted your hips a little so he had all the access he needed. Conner rubbed you in all the right places, turning you into a dripping mess. “On all fours,” he whispered against your shoulder. After you complied, a free hand started toying with your nipples. He used your juices to lube up your ass and his cock. 

You moaned as his fingers entered your hole. You hadn’t realised you were leaking so much that it could be such a smooth slide. With hooded eyes, you stared over your shoulder, watching his concentrated face. Then you saw that Conner was leaking as well. He had stopped playing with your nipples and was stroking himself instead. His gorgeous cock spilled precum all over your hole that his fingers pushed inside. "I'm ready," you sighed between small whimpers of pleasure. 

Conner pulled you up to your knees. He was behind you, holding his cock in place as you sunk your down on him. You moaned in relief as you finally felt him inside you. When you got too eager and tried to sink down faster, Conner held you in place. It was maddingly slow, but eventually you found your ass resting on his thighs. Conner's fingers rubbed you again, making sure you felt pleasure everywhere. "Come on, start moving," he encouraged you. You couldn't move much in this position, but Conner helped you with gentle thrusts. Your bare back connected to his chest. His moans were audible right next to your ear. 

"Please, Conner, I'm so sore from today," you whimpered as your legs started to hurt. Conner pushed you off and manhandled you onto your back. You reached out for him and he immediately returned to your arms, kissing you deeply, while lifting your legs and wrapping them around his waist. Your lips stayed close to each other as he re-entered you. Your moans mixed between your mouths, his every thrust drawing another sound from your body. "Don't draw this out. I just want to cum," you huffed. Conner chuckled against your lips. You would never get tired of that sound. 

"Of course, my king," he joked, before pulling out. You groaned and tried to coax him back inside, but instead his head dipped down and before you knew it, he was licking and sucking you as if he needed you to cum just as badly as you needed it. You almost screamed. Your hand flew to his head and your fingers tangled into his hair. Conner hummed as if a deep need had been fulfilled. Two fingers entered you and with the right curl of his fingers, you could feel your orgasm crash through your whole body. 

Conner made sure you got the pleasure you sought and then laid you down on your side. He spooned you, putting his cock back inside as he did so. "Now rest, my king," he whispered into your ear, before pulling the covers over you. You smiled, enjoying having him still hard inside you. You drifted off into peaceful sleep, knowing that when you would wake, your people would be safe and you'd get the dicking of your life.