#and a bunch more that idk who they are lol
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@mocha000 Ahhhh I said 5 parts so far! Maybe more if I feel like adding to this universe. I have a few ideas- little ideas but ideas none-the less. Iām glad Iāve written most of it because it will be fairly easy to post a bunch in the next few months (watch these be my famous last words.
Okay but! Heās so slight! It bothers me so much and Iām not even playing. 90% of my fantasyās these days are just cookin and getting to feed them a lot of food. I hope Tae still has his cheeks when he comes back :(
Ahhh thank you for bringing up the world context, I feel like thatās like- super important to this story like- of course hoseok is terrified of her being sick given the past and history of omegaās. I didnāt say it in this chapter but I think one of the reasons why this jimin has medical anxiety is probably because his mom almost died of the omega sickness or something.
Oh sooooo much more aggressive, I really kindaā¦like it a bit too much? Like I want him to toss me around lol. There is this interesting dynamic of him being weak but firm with her that I loved writing. I totally love the idea of wolf Hobi just- picking up the others very very gently by the scruff of their necks and bringing them to her with a wagging tail like ālook at this pretty alpha I got for you babe <3ā
Initially I didnāt describe the biological side of her instincts, but Iām glad I ended up adding it in so that we can see it from her side of the story.
Oh itās so wild and weird, I wanted to emphasize one of the ways in which this universe is /not/ like the others at all- almost all omegaās are like- celebrities in this universe just cuz theyāre so abnormal. Ā
On a side note I wonder if anyoneās written a fanfic about mr.lee yet?
I love the image of yoongi drying his hands slowly like- making sure heās clean before he touches the m/c like Iām pretty sure I may have recycled this from bily but its so so so fucking hot to me when people show theyāre like- intentions like that? Like he wants to touch but will not do it dirty lol Iām glad youāre enjoying the dynamic, I know it may seem a little self-indulgent and illogical considering how much they all want her- but this is a universe in which alphas are biologically denied omegas and simultaneously crave them- so it makes sense that we see their cravings play out in different ways.
Tbh, sometimes I think when Hobi's particularly sleepy, he speaks in short rumbly growls, either positive or negative sounds to control his pack- especially when heās close to his rut.
Oh donāt worry youāre gonna see three chapters of her being their professional scenter and her absolutely torturing hoseok with her presence and taunting him until he snaps (: itās very cute.
I really really hope that the boys donāt struggle when they get back, but part of me is almost sure that they are going too- I mean- hoseokās lines when he talks about not knowing if heās good at this anymore are partially inspired by his irl comeback/first welive that he did where he just looked so like- shell shocked almost? Like he was very very shakey and idk if anyone else internalized it like I did but it was pretty blatant to me. Heās obviously gotten used to it since then and re-adjusted.
The m/cās scent was actually a suggestion from someone on here! I liked it and I ran with it, they all smell like some kind of fruit :) but the title was all my idea! I worry a little that people will get confused, but it is Hoseok who has seven packmates and 7 pups not including himself. Theyāre his reasons for being you know? Tbh I think that if bily yoongi met this yoongi they would /hate/ each other, but like- in a way that youād kinda wanna see them fuck if that makes sense like HYB yoongi is very strong minded and firm where as bily yoongi is gentle to a fault and maybe a bit more willing to see multiple sides of the same situation.
As I said at the beginning! How much I write for this universe kinda depends on how much people enjoy it! In that vein thank you so much for commenting on this <3 not everyone does anymore and I know as long as you enjoy it Iāve at least made one person happy.
Hold your Breath (Count to Seven)
(Pack alpha Hoseok focus, Background ot7 x reader, Omegaverse, Forced Caretaking, Omega scarcity au)
ąØą§ā§āĖ Summary: When a performance keeps pack alpha Hoseok from tending to his sick omega, he struggles to contain his rage (and looks back on all the reasons he has to control his anger).
ąØą§ ā§āĖ Word Count: 16.6k
ąØą§ ā§āĖ Tags: Omegaverse au, omega scarcity, forced caretaking, idol au, Pack alpha hoseok x omega! m/c, Sicfic, Angst, Hurt/comfort, Background ot7 x reader, eventual Brat! m/c, Implied chronic health issues, themes of trauma, Hoseok has PTSD from enlistment, healing, Past Medical mistreatment, past neglect, Eventual smut, brief smut, Brief allusions to omega obedience training, Brief Dom! Hoseok, Breif Sub! m/c + Jk, referenced Dom Jimin + spanking, non-chronological storyline
ąØą§ ā§āĖ A/N: This was inspired after i got /dreadfully/ ill after seeing HOTS in march. i've been writing it for a good long while i guess! i'm open to adding more to the story if i'm inspired but as of right now it will only be 5 parts. Please enjoy it and let me know what you think! this story also does go non-chronolgocially, if we organize it by chronology this is actually the middle. basically it goes 3 < 4 < 5 < 1 < 2, but i think you'll enjoy the flashbacks of how they got togeather!

The sound of the audience and the rumble of screams and shouts are still ringing in Hoseok's ears as he exits the stage. The roar of the lyrics are a hum filling his veins. Adrenaline pumps through his system better than any drug or instinct. More addictive and more natural to him than breathing.
Heās sweat tacky in places heād rather not name and yet despite this night- a show, the dance of performer and performance, the validation that comes from the screams of many waiting fans- despite all of that- Hoseok's still not calm. Hoseok's still not satisfied.
He yanks his in ears out, nearly tearing at the wiring the second he's clear from view. Not even bothering to put his microphone in its correct case as he moves, breathless and hurried in the direction of the dressing room.
A stagehand tries to help him, but after clocking the rage and aggression rolling off of him they think better of it and lower their gaze as he passes, practically curling in on themselves.
He's on alert, aggression a hairpin trigger just waiting to be pulled below his skin. Almost hoping for an outlet. The still lingering roaring cheers of Alphas, a good number of betas, and a sparse select few omegas ferry him as he cuts through the sea of staff.
By all metrics the show had gone well. He's not angry because he stumbled or because someone messed up the queue for the cube again. This performance had gone perfectly. It has nothing to do with why he's about to snap and punch someone. Maybe bite them. Maybe tear them limb from limb- yeah his alpha likes the sound of that. But none of this, none of this is what makes his blood hot in his veins.
That honor belongs to his omega.
Youāre not just his, of course, you belong to the others too. But heās pack alpha, so they all belong to him to some degree. The pups more so, his peers, Namjoon, Jin, and Yoongi- less. Being a part of a pack is more like belonging to matching a set and less ownership.
But not anymore. You're Hoseok's. In every way that matters. You're his.
It's hard to believe, but Hoseok was not always so possessive and exacting as a pack alpha. He never had to deal with any of this- the instincts and the near-feral need that comes with them before the pack became fractured. Broken in a way that canāt be fixed by words and promises. Leaving Hoseok's alpha to pace back and forth the inside of his mind like a monster caged and understimulated.
Hoseok wishes he knew what he was giving up when he enlisted.
Not that knowing would have changed anything. But at least then he'd have been prepared.
Hoseok has seven pups and seven packmates registered to his pack. four alpha's, two beta's, and one precious omega. He's never been without his pack for so long and before 22 months ago they'd never been apart for more than a few weeks. Enlisting posed new challenges, some that Hoseok thought he'd be better at handling by now.
But adjustment takes time. Healing takes time. It doesn't matter how many times he repeats that to himself. Nothing ever gets easier (You might disagree).
The military wasn't easy. They didn't go easy on Hoseok.
He'd never been one alpha among the many, never had his rage cultivated and honed as a weapon to be used and wielded by his superiors. Hoseok learned he was good at being angry- good at melding his body and his alpha together as one- it's only now that Hoseok's out that he's struggling to detangle his sense of self from his alpha.
He'd never been without some sort of pack structure. At least not in so many years. He'd presented with Namjoon and Yoongi- had dealt with their instincts and learned how to settle his own alongside them. A good thing too because a few years after when Jungkook and Taehyung had come along. Young and wide-eyed and entirely unprepared for anything like presenting- they'd needed a pack alpha to help settle them. Someone to guard and mind their instincts, to take care of them, to push when they needed pushing and get them to bend when otherwise they might break.
But war is different. Rage- Hoseok is learning, Is a particular monster that doesn't go down easy.
Of course they'd never been completely broken as a pack. Even now Yoongi is home in the pack house still doing his daily service and coming home at the end of the day. The last time Hoseok had been home (nearly 5 weeks ago before the start of the tour). Yoongi was still struggling; Hoseok saw signs of it everywhere.
His camo jacket wasn't in the house even, it's in the garage where he leaves his boots. Takes them off before he even sets foot inside. separate lives and separate alpha's. There are pack house slippers set up by the door. 16 slippers, 8 sets, color coordinated. Kept meticulously clean like the rest of the house. Namjoon's coffee mug left by the coffee maker, Tae's scarf laid over the chair. A still life painting. hints of the pack left undisturbed. As if they'd just popped out for a moment and where coming back later.
Maybe Hoseok should have realized it when Seokjin was discharged, how you and Yoongi had gone radio silent for 6 hours. How much more communicative Seokjin was after and how every day after he told Hobi how much he couldn't wait for the pack alpha to come home. A new edge to his tone. Hoseok should have suspected something was wrong.
Now that Hoseok's home, he knows. Jin had it easier. Jin's a beta Jin doesn't have a monster in the back of his mind constantly out for blood.
He knows that Yoongi's still not used to buying less than 8 people's worth of food at a time after so many years of cooking and shopping for 8. That he struggles to fall asleep at night- too used to the press of warm bodies around him. Now Hoseok knows that Sometimes when Yoongi wakes in the morning, his hands shake. Instincts and body unsettled.
Hoseok knows, for the first 6 months of his service, his hands shook in the morning too. Call it psychological dependence or physical addiction- Hoseok doesn't quite know what it is. Although Hoseok expects that had more to do with you.
Alpha's can grow dependent on omega's after all. It's no more addictive than a cup of coffee, and yet,
And yetā¦
In his worst moments, Hoseok wonders what the pack would do if they didn't have you.
If you hadn't have asked, Hoseok wouldn't have let you come on this tour, would have never dragged you across the globe from city to city and would never have taken you from Yoongi. But the fact of the matter is that Hoseok is...it's not that he's not handling this well exactly but...but...
But you'd pouted, and Hoseok (notoriously weak for your every whim and desire) had predictably melted. (He'd been a little oblivious to the thankful looks shot at you over his head, he'd missed the way that Yoongi had cornered you just before the start of tour, how he'd folded himself across you.
"I'll get him back, you know I can be persistent."
"I know, I'm just worried, he's so...unhappy." Yoongi finally settled on. Even if you're both aware that that's not quite it. "You know how I hate it when you push yourself.")
But trauma changes people, it affects everyone differently. Hoseok had changed.
Now Hoseok regrets letting you come even more. When he checks his phone he doesn't have a single text from you. Not a 'good luck on the show.' Or an 'I'll be watching alpha' or anything. Which is not like you. Hoseok shouldn't be so surprised. You're probably sleeping. You're probably just resting like you should be. He'd ordered you to rest last night.
Exiting the stage, Hoseok does try and settle himself. Pausing in the darkness listening the the shouting of the crowd, slowly becoming a murmur and rumble. 60 thousand footsteps trudging towards the exit.
He spends a few moments standing there, staff around him waiting on bated breath, waiting for him to move. He's at least practicing his breathing exercises even if his body still feels like a weapon poised to attack.
When Hoseok closes his eyes, he sees each member of his pack as a pinprick of light against the map. Five dots clustered across the ocean back in Korea, one here close by, and one on the other side of the world.Ā 7 dots and 7 breaths.
Seokjin is in France for an event that left him looking glittery and bejeweled. But he's existed as little more than sinful pictures and soft check-ins on Hoseokās phone. His phone buzzes, but Hoseok keeps his eyes closed and breathes before he looks at it.
Those check-ins are the only way Hoseok stays sane these days. The updates from Jimin and Jungkook- shots of the dinner they make for the thousands of other recruits. 30 gallon pots of honey potatoes. Recordings of Namjoon's military band. The few promos that Taehyung is allowed to shoot- although he out of all of them is radio silent most weeks. Hoseok knows it's just because he's military police and has a higher clearance than them- even though Hoseok's technically a sergeant- but still-
Taehyung is a shifting wolf, he has different expectations than the rest of the pack.
Hoseok isn't in the military anymore. He's just Jung Hoseok. Only Hoseok could never be just Jung Hoseok- no matter what universe you put him in.
As long he knows exactly where and what his pack is doing the instincts are a little bit easier to bear. As long as he knows when Yoongi's going to come home, when Seokjin will be done with his photoshoot or recording session or this or that and is ready there waiting at the front door for a scenting or a brief nibble at their throat. Hoseok's instincts stay mostly in check.
Mostly. It's easier if Hoseok gives in, just a little bit, to what his alpha wants.
Hoseok's alpha wants more than Hoseok can give him right now, Hoseok's alpha wants blood, wants to tear this stadium apart and hunt across the city, tearing through anyone that steps in his way until he gets to you.
They havenāt all been together in so long his body is almost used to it. His body has adjusted. Itās been months now but there is still aggression that lurks under his skin, alpha constantly roiling to get out out out out. To get back to his pack, to drag them back by the scruff of their necks to the pack house and place them gently in your nest where they belong. Damning laws and discharge dates and all associated consequences.
The truth is that Hoseok's alpha doesn't know what to do when they're not together. Will keep him awake, will keep him from eating or resting. He'd heard that enlistment time could be dangerous for pack alphas, that many don't survive their 18 months without going feral at least once. Hoseok had skimmed by the skin of his teeth.
In many ways, the fight between man and alpha is like a dance, Hoseokās alpha asks for obedience and Hoseok gives him his body but not his mind when he can help it. He runs and moves, and puts every ounce of discipline and dominance into his dance. His moves are always mastered, never shaky.
Hoseok's not sure he'd know it if he went feral.
When he'd been announced as pack alpha back just after their debut, there had been more than one article that questioned why the sunshine of the group, the ever-smiling and genial member, neither the largest nor the tallest was made pack alpha.
But size has nothing to do with it. Now, no one wonders. After seeing him perform solo on the stage they bought and paid for with their youth and hard work. After seeing him and what he can do no one questions him. Hoseok made discharge look effortless, no one would ever guess. No one would ever wonder.
Other times, Hoseok's alpha asks for more than Hoseok can give without showing it. Like tonight.
The only thing that made their military service at all tolerable was the fact that for those 6 months when the 6 of them had been in active service- at least Yoongi had been able to come home to you.
Thereās a text from him on Hobi's phone and he's not asking about the show. Yoongi always watches the live stream and usually texts him the second he's hot off the stage. Asking about how it went even though he saw it. Namjoon might be the group leader but Yoongi has always felt a bit more like Hoseok's second in command.
Hoseok has no doubt that Yoongi saw right through him tonight, saw the furious crispness to his movements, and was able to tell how close he was to breaking. Hoseok doesnāt doubt that the other alpha checking his phone every few minutes. Anxiously waiting for Hoseok's response.
When Hoseok is certain he has enough control over his body that the text isn't going to make him trash the backstage area. He checks his phone.
Yoonie (10:32pm): How is she? Any news? Has her condition gotten any worse?
Yoonie (10:33pm): I know you're probably already considering it, but you know traveling isn't healthy for omega's long term. She needs her routine. You should consider sending her home.
Yoongi has gentler instincts and always has. But even he can't stay settled when their omega is sick. Yoongi also wasnāt taken away from you for a year and a half and taught to kill so Hoseok thinks heās allowed to be a little on edge.
Hoseok shouldn't feel so fragile and so volatile. He should feel better. This is nothing compared to how it was right after he got back.
Yoongi's not the only one who's texted, the rest already have using their precious 30 minutes of phone time a day to check in. Most of the time, Hobi tries to time his updates to accumulate before they wake.
Jin gets it, Jin understands. Even though he's a beta. His text came through just before Hobi got on stage.
Jinnie (7:05pm): Let me know if you want me to change my flight.
Theyāve been separated for a year. There was only Jinās discharge and then his that theyāve all been together for. They all keep in regular contact and thatās not difficult. They check in and text daily and call weekly. But it's never enough.
As a pack with a registered omega theyāre offered some allowances by the government. They get more days off and leeway if one of them gets sick or injured (like last month with Taehyung- Hoseokās little alpha, bundled close in the nest, face tucked under your chin, so achingly still. His newly big body oh so carefully placed so that he wouldnāt strain his cracked rib.)
Alphas donāt have a better reason to fight than for omegas and recovery rates are always always higher if an alpha has been scented by an omega. The boost to their immune system alone is enough to make omegaās necessary for the war effort. The government even employs some omega's and compensates them greatly for their service as scenters.
The pack would never think about going to a government omega, not when theyāve got you at home.
As a bonded pack thereās no use, it wouldnāt work the same (and Hoseok would never offend you that way). But thereās less time given if more than one alpha is out. Itās one of the few reasons why Hoseok went in first so that he'd be able to help them all adjust when the time came.
He never expected to be the one to have trouble with it. To struggle to turn his instincts off now that they've been turned on.
The people around must be able to tell that Hoseokās on edge, and the crowd too. Their cries reached a feral pitch, the same shouting that still vibrates the stage beneath his feet. Rage rolls off of him in waves as he stalks back to the dressing room. Smile and grin and smirk falling from his face.
They must be able to smell it on him underneath all the smell of the show, the gunpowder and fire from Hangsang, the roil of steam from sweet dreams, all irrelevant.
This is what theyāve all been waiting for for what feels like years, a chance to be on the stage again, a chance to perform. This is only the beginning leg of the tour and there are still kinks to work out and problems to solve. The logistical nightmare of moving staff and stage across multiple countries never ends. Hoseok is used to this. Hoseok is comfortable here.
He keeps telling himself that.
But right now, Hoseok can't think about it. He can't think about anything else but you.
Because you're sick.
~-~
Omegas are so rare that not every pack can have one.
Only those who can supply an above-average standard of life usually get one. Both prize and packmate. They're more common in celebrity and chaebol circles. Having an omega in your pack is the ultimate sign of success and wealth.
Some packs even have two, especially if the omega's have decided they're nestmates. But Hoseok can't imagine needing more than you.
A disease two generations ago wiped out nearly 90% of omega's. The sickness left only the most looked after, the most cared for unscathed. But those that were alive by the end of the nearly 10 year period scrambled to cope. To this day the omega population still hasn't recovered in any meaningful way. They make up only about 1 in every 100 individuals worldwide, less in Korea.
Most omegaās go through a very rigorous courting period if they're going to belong to a pack at all, only the richest and well-esteemed packs can covet one for for themselves. The rest of the world survives off of government-sponsored nesting and scenting services. There are even government agencies in charge of omegaās. Each omega gets an id card and a social worker. Hoseok hasn't had to talk to yours in years. Omegan Health Services or the OHS that tracks any omega that might have come into contact with the virus and quickly disseminates antivirals and vaccines.
You have to get yours every few months. Hoseok makes sure you never miss your appointments. Usually, he spends the following day confining you to the nest, immune to your restless squirming and your insistence that you're alright, just a little tired. Resistant to his insistence that he carry you where you need to go, that he fuss over you.
Luckily- the rest of the pack gangs up on you after your shots too. Namjoon puts your bandaid on the inside of your arm and Yoongi soothes your stomach with bone broth and light food to support your immune system. Each spoonful blown at, your lips dotted with reassuring kisses between bites. Jungkook and Taehyung usually wrap themselves around you like a living blanket to keep the shivers at bay. Nosing into your spine.
Only Hoseok and Yoongi usually attend your appointments. They're a little too intense for the others. Sometimes Jin comes. But he's the most likely to burst into tears and then you end up comforting him instead of the other way around.
Hoseok is usually good up until they actually put the needle into your skin. He'd broken a chair the first time he'd seen it. Gripping the wooden arm so hard as he heard your intake of pain that it had splintered under his hand.
There's a genetic component to being a pack alpha. Jungkook has the gene too. Hoseok has always been a little stronger, a little more resilient than the others.
Hoseok has only ever missed one of your appointments. Last year, the year Hoseok was enlisted for your shot. You'd spent weeks telling him he didn't have to take a day off for it (he'd been saving all of his leave for his packmate's ruts and your heat, but even then Hoseok knew he was going to have to miss one or two.) You said you'd be fine, that the shot wouldn't be too bad, you've had them before after all.
Only you hadn't been alright, you'd had to be hospitalized for it. It wasn't all that uncommon, omega's have weak immune systems and yours has always been particularly fragile.
Hoseok hardly remembers it. The static through the line, he'd hardly been able to hear Yoongi's voice over the roar of his heartbeat through his ears. An emergency call from Yoongi, something about an allergic reaction, anaphylaxis.
He'd have gone awol if his commander hadn't granted him emergency leave. His brain hadn't stopped roaring until he'd draped himself draped across your hospital bed after making an 8-hour car ride in 6 hours. Beret off, spilled and fallen onto the floor, face crumpling the second Yoongi rose from your opposite bedside.
"Namjoon will be here in an hour, she tried to stay up for you but the medication they had to give her made her drowsy."
Hoseok hadn't been able to speak, to respond to him. The sight of you in the bed. Small looking. The cannula. Supplying your body with oxygen because it's not getting enough. Everything screaming at Hoseok's instincts wrong wrong wrong. Fight protect keep safe.
Hoseok was terrified.
They'd given him a tranquilizer to stop him from pacing outside your door. Apparently its a normal occurrence in the relatively empty but well maintained omega's only wing of the hospital. Guards watch him with nervous expressions as they patrol the halls.
After that, he'd been a little more susceptible to Yoongi's gentle request that Hoseok should come sit by your bedside table. And what started as sitting turned into nuzzling into your hand turned into closing his eyes for just a moment.
You'd been rubbing your hands over his shaved head by the time he'd woken. He'd been so sure he'd been dreaming it, but Your honey voice is so soothing after hearing nothing but shouting to work harder and run faster you're so weak private Jung, can you even hit the target for weeks and weeks that it felt a bit like a lullaby to hear his own name spoken so gently, with such tenderness.
"Hobi, Oh Hobi. You didn't have to come all this way for me."
~-~
This is thankfully not that. Thankfully you're sick with just a cold and not the virus. But Hoseok doesn't take any sickness lightly. Not when it comes to you.
Modern medicine has come a long way, but still not far enough. Omegas are so rare a good portion of the population even abandons the idea of having an omega entirely. Theyāre not exactly a necessity for betaās but for alphas- itās a different story.
Hoseok can feel the hum of scent deprivation under his skin. The itch unlike any other. Hoseok cannot smell you on him, not his clothes or his skin. Nothing beyond the smell of sweat and alpha annoyance. Through any other performance, heād at least have the scent of his pack on him. But not tonight, not until June when everyone will finally finally be together.
Youād been sleeping through the morning when he left, and heād been reluctant to wake you on account of how youād fallen asleep last night- or hadnāt. Youād been sniffling and coughing the whole night away. Hoseok had kept watch over you through it all.
What had started as a brief tickle in your throat around lunch yesterday (an easy meal- vegetables for Hobi and a tad bit of meat for you, fed from his own chopsticks, every brief shake of your head met with a disapproving look that you have long stopped disagreeing with. Hobi knows how much you are to eat, there's no reason why you need to worry your pretty little head about anything). Had developed into a fever and a few minutes of terror while they waited for the test to develop.
You've never gotten the sickness before but Hoseok knows how it would start; a feverishness like heat, then tiredness. And then all of a sudden you'd go to nest and wouldn't get up again without medical intervention. Might not get up at all. Might stop breathing- might-
He repeats it to himself again. That you're not sick with it. That this is just an ordinary cold. He has no reason to be so on edge.
The fans tonight could tell there was something wrong. Could spot it. Hoseok knows they're wondering if it's you. You arenāt a secret, but you are a private matter. A person that only the pack and the staff know by name. There have been pictures and speculation. They don't hide you but your last name is not public knowledge. You keep your face hidden almost constantly when you know youāre going to be spotted with them.
You are not someone to be jealous of but to be jealous for. You are not someone to be stalked or photographed. What they ordinarily tolerate out of necessity, they never do with you.
But alpha's are not always good at controlling their instincts. There have been incidents, not always because of them or their lack of control either. Jungkook had almost come to blows with an alpha who dared to sniff in your direction just before Jungkook's enlistment, a month or so after Hobi's.
~-~
The flash of the cameras are dizzying. There's a hush that falls over the room as you and Jungkook enter, before the roar redoubles- twice as loud as before.
You're mostly used to it by now, but still some things- like Jungkook close behind you, his big hand on the small of your back make it easier to tolerate. The press of people on either side of you is stifling, press and fans, guards and security. There's only a few moments of claustrophobia from the car to the showcase.
You hold your breath, and Jungkook stays close. It would be easier if your other alphas were here, but you're getting used to having them far away, to having them only on your phone or during evening phone calls. It's been enough months that Hoseok has stopped apologizing for leaving you and Namjoon has started making promises of all the things you'll do once you're home.
But still, sometimes you wake in the nest in the morning, big and empty of bodies, and feel so lonely it aches.
It will be worse when Jungkook goes. You know it will. Which is why you're tagging along today, why you've tagged along to schedules you'd normally avoid.
Sometimes you don't believe what hoseok says, the way that the world talks about omegas, they say you're more delicate, you're more breakable. Most of the time, you don't believe it.
Other times, like this, your anxiety rushes at you, and their touch becomes the only teather you have outside of the fear, the nervousness, the pounding tumble of your heart that ached for confined soft spaces, warmth and enclosed safety. A nest.
But you do away with your instincts today, in favor of staying close. A few more weeks, you only have a few more weeks until Jungkook goes and you don't want to waste a single minute.
One moment you're in front of Jungkook, walking almost instep with him as he leads you through rows and rows of security. You know what you'll look like in magazines later, wide eyes perched over a mask, hat with bunny ears flopping. Swallowed whole by a jacket, small next to your alpha. That there will be articles and breakdowns of your every movement.
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Being an omega can get a little frustrating. You're not the only one scrutinized this way, most omega's that mate with public figures are the topic of the tabloids. You'd flopped against hoseok's chest the first time it happened, "they only saw my forehead! how are they talking about skincare routine when they don't even know?" he'd just pressed his forhead against yours, nuzzling your nose playfully.
"I hate to tell you that you should get used to it but- the press are just kind of like that."
Most of them keep their distance. tipping their head as you pass. it doesn't make you weirded out or nervous, it just is this way. You take off your hat and mask the second you're clear of the doors and fans, about to turn and say something to Jungkook. You don't see the dark figure at the end of the hall leaning forward ever so slightly.
But Jungkook does.
it happens so quick you can't even blink, one moment you're stumbling, turning to say something to him, a security gaurd reaching out to steady you- The next moment you're holding Jungkook back around his waist, blood on his knuckles and a growl on the air.
More than one security guard and staff gets between you and the other alpha. He spits blood on the floor. Some of it hits your legs.
Your ears ring, and you can't hear anything as Jungkook shoves you behind him. Two other security guards have to hold him back. Hands shaking out of their hold.
They'd still been shaking, as he used a wet wipe to clean the blood off of your legs after.
You just don't sniff at an omega without permission, let alone reach to touch them. Let alone an omega with a pack.
"Jeon Jungkook! No! Bad!"
You don't like using their full names, never have, it's always pet names with you. Hoseok can already hear the gentle velvet of your voice crooning softly, "Hobi, are you okay? Do you want to come lay down in my nest for a bit? Can you come here alpha? I want to scent you."
You are the only person for whom his instincts bend. You are the only person he ever willingly takes orders from. The fight worn out of his body at your simplest request.
Hoseok takes Emergency pack alpha leave precious and dwindling by the month, just to handle the situation again. But disciplining his pack takes precedent.
A tidy settlement had kept the situation from leaking to the press, although Hoseok could hardly blame Jungkook for acting aggressively. His head had hung the entire time Hoseok been home. Jungkook doesn't like disappointing the pack alpha. Especially not now, when they don't have days and weeks of proximity and routine to get back on even ground. Not when Hoseok only has 24 hours, and has to leave in the morning.
It only takes one touch for Hoseok to bring him to his knees. A hand on the back of his neck the second they're clear of the outside. The pack house, dusty and mostly empty. Jungkook's mouth has been running wild since Hoseok first walked into the company building. Apologizing to anyone who would listen.
But Hoseok hadn't accepted the apology until they'd been in private.
"Do you know why you're sorry Jungkook?"
You're sat across Hoseok's lap for it, sniffling slightly. Soothed by the rhythmic brush of his hand down his back, your cold nose pressed against his throat. He hadn't even bothered to change out of his uniform before this. Jungkook is on his knees between Hoseok's parted thighs. Inches from you and kept at a distance by sheer obedience. Hoseok admires Jungkook's restraint. Not every alpha could resist nuzzling into an omega's thighs, especially one so close.
Hoseok knows his weaknesses. Jungkook is also a good alpha. Hoseok's most obedient one. But even then he's not even looking at Hobi when as he kneels.
Jungkook looks at you and blinks back tears. Hoseok wants to lick at the alpha's pretty canines, wants to press your faces together and make you kiss. Make it messy just for him. He redoubles his hold on you. holding you tighter. You lap at his scent gland, trying to soothe yourself, nearly suckling at the skin of his throat.
"For offending our omega and...for putting her in danger?" Jungkook's hands slid down Hoseok's calf muscles, but Hoseok just tipped his feet wider. Giving Jungkook more room.
The ball of your foot pressed against Jungkook's shoulder, undeterred, the younger alpha only tries to nose up your leg. Hoseok nudges between his legs with his boot and Jungkook makes a noise- somewhere between a whine and a growl.
"Look at me. not at her." Hoseok keeps him still, and yet- there's only seconds before Jungkook's attention is diverted from the pack alpha's face to yours.
"And how did you do that? How did you put her in danger? Tell alpha."
"For Fighting? For hitting him?"
Hoseok is quick to reassure him with a hand on his chin, rubbing across Jungkook's cheek. "No no no, you did that perfectly. Alpha is so proud of you for defending our omega like that, try again."
"Because" Jungkook is having a hard time stringing his words together with Hoseok's boot pressed to certain places. But that's the point. Hoseok owns all of him like this, the sole of his rubber boot pressed against his knot, gently pressing it snug between Jungkook's body and the unyielding weight of his dominance. The other alpha pants openly. Hoseok can tell that it hurts. Can tell that Jungkook likes it to by the way his mouth opens in a soundless groan.
"Because I did it infront of her?"
"Yes. And why was that bad?"
"Because stress isn't good for omega's? They're too fragile for it." That Jungkook does not say shakily. He, like Hoseok, knows it in his bones that he speaks the truth.
hoseok is perilously weak not to reward him.
"That's right. Good boy. My smart boy. Pull your pants down for alpha and show me your knot." Jungkook pushes into Hoseok's hand like a puppy, letting out a shaky relieved breath at the words. You squirm a little, stilling when you feel Hoseok's hands go firm on your waist. A wordless command to keep still and stay where alpha wants you.
Jungkook rushes to comply, eager to be good. cock popping free, hitting his toned stomach with a light plop. Resting his chin on Hoseok's knee once he's finished.
He waits. You squirm. Looking at him over your shoulder and then at Hoseok. blushing furiously. unnerved by jungkook's complete obedience. Like you're struggling not to give it to.
You rub your nose up and down the column of his throat like you're trying to soothe yourself. "M' not fragile." Hoseok pulls back to peck your nose, humming and willing to play along. His hands on you are gentle, almost too gentle.
"Of course you're not. My sweet little pup. Youāre so so brave, you didnāt even cry for that long and alpha is so so proud."
He adjusts his gaze to Jungkook, who has resorted to clinging to Hoseok's legs again for comfort. Pretending he's not rutting his hips in tentative circles and making a mess of Hoseok's pant leg. Eyes teary and worked up. Teeth half bared in aggression like he wants to submit completely but can't quite will himself too. his alpha bubbling up.
"It was just...Scary." You say, quiet and soft. And when you reached down to touch Jungkook's hair, Hoseok lets you.
Jungkook sags into the touch. He chases your scent gland taking deep grateful lungfuls of the scent there. lips parted against your skin. The ache between his thighs forgotten. Teeth almost pressed and bared. But he wouldn't dare nip at you, not when you're sat in Hoseok lap.
This time when apologies dribble from his lips, Hoseok feels like he means it. "I'm sorry- I'm sorry. I won't do that again in front of her- I didn't mean too-"
Hoseok presses his shoe against Jungkook's cock again, This time there's no fabric guarding the harsh dig of the leather and tred from dimpling Jungkook's skin. The alpha yelps. Thighs shaking with the effort it takes him to stay still. Body going rigid.
When Hoseok takes his shoe off, there's a bit of white wet liquid, staining the dark leather. Hoseok's smile is near feral.
"All will be forgiven, Don't you want to show hyung how good you can be? I think you owe our pup a little stress relief Kookie." Hoseok simply shifts you in his lap. Draping one leg over either knee. Fingers dipping between your legs, low. Fingers parting warmth and sweet. Jungkook's blubbering cuts off.
"All you have to do it open your mouth and apologize."
~-~
Jungkook had been sorry, for almost inadvertently pushing your capabilities. The whole world treats omega's like this- like they are inherently fragile.
You are someone that the fans would never shove or push at. It's generally considered a taboo to be rough with omegas at all and more than one idol has had to issue a public apology after tugging their omega's hand a little too roughly at the airport or through crowds of fans.
At least outside of private matters. Behind closed doors, it's more up to what the individual omega wants. At least that's what Hoseok's learning with you.
It's also considered the bare minimum to provide for your omega an extravagant life. That at least- Hoseok does not struggle with. It's easy to spoil you, instinctual almost. To protect and provide and please.
All in all Hoseok is more straightforward that you might expect, he'll give his pack everything so long as they hold nothing back in return.
Being on tour with him means you can try things you wouldnāt ordinarily eat and go places you wouldnāt normally go. To art museums and shopping districts for pretty little diamond studded collars and comfortable designer nesting supplies. CafĆ©'s for famous desserts shaped like flowers and figs, and even the exclusive omega section at Fao Schwartz.
The packages for that have already been sent back to Seoul where they no doubt fill the entryway of the pack house. Probably carefully unwrapped and organized by yoongi, still in their silk bags on the border of your personal nest at home. A custom-made monstrosity that Hoseok had made for you and Yoongi designed that cost a small fortune.
But Hoseok had no qualms with him spending the pack's money on that. Not even back at the beginning of your courtship and relationship. Nothing but the best for you.
But delicate requests for room service and delivery from a restaurant youād wanted to try with a promise for more at the next tour stop are now forgotten. Everything is forgotten now that you're sick.
Heās aware heās been followed, his manager, a bodyguard, a makeup Noona trail behind him as he stalks in the direction of the dressing room. Where his clothes are, where he can get his things and leave. He can feel the rage polishing his canines already.
It makes his grin wider, teeth sharper in the privacy of darkness. Hoseok is snarling at the shadows, the toothy grin crazed as he finally makes it back to the dressing room. Tearing off his jacket popping the buttons and ripping the hem of it in the process.
It can be fixed before the next performance. Hoseok would rip 100 jackets to get home to you even a second quicker.
Unlike usual, no one offers him congratulations and he doesnāt offer any thanks or encouragement. His hands shake as he bends down to undo his shoes, all but yanking them off of him. His necklaces get tangled around his fingers, 7 of them- one for each packmate, and the second he starts to tear at them. Someone reaches for him- to stop him.
Hoseok turns and nearly lunges at Mr. Lee.
Hoseok imagines it perfectly, teeth sinking in, popping through skin and blood. The image is so visceral that Hoseok almost confuses it with reality. The familiar iron tang on the back of his throat what his instincts demand.
He stops himself just narrowly before he can get to his throat. He loses a growl. A sound so bone chilling that no one dare moves a muscle.
Only pure familiarity keeps him from actually biting the other man. the fact that Hoseok's alpha has sort of identified him as someone safe. But the scent of alpha aggression in the air makes everyone, even the lowliest stagehand, pause where theyāre gathered. Hoseok bares his teeth and breathes. Struggling to contain himself.
Mr. Lee doesn't flinch, doesn't even raise his eyebrows at Hobi, looking at him with that same impassive expression. Not intimidated in the slightest by Hoseok snapping his teeth.
His hand smooth over the necklaces. He lets go of Hoseok gently.
Honestly, he should be more careful, they were gifts from the pack. The pack like matching their clothes, their shoes, their jewelry, and matching pack items are fairly common, especially in larger packs.
Hoseok in particular likes to have one thing from each of them on his person at most times, especially when he's traveling. Especially since he hasn't given any of them mating bites yet (none of them could stomach the idea of doing it before service). A little memento to keep them close. The biggest necklaces are from Yoongi and Namjoon and the smallest one is from you. Each of them cost no small sum, they're monetarily valuable as well as sentimental to Hoseok.
Hoseok doesn't thank Mr.Lee as he holds his breath, counts to seven, and goes back to taking them off, this time more gently without yanking at the clasps hard enough to bend the metal. even though he's breathing heavy. even though his hands are shaking. Hoseok struggles but thereās already someone behind him undoing the clasps and finally, it feels like he can breathe.
āSorry. Iām fine Iām fine just-ā Hoseok scrubs his hand across his face. Holding the necklaces in one hand. The diamonds sway. long strands handing towards the floor.
āCan I change in the car?ā Hoseok is not asking, even if itās phrased as a question.
With the way Seejin is looking at him, Hoseok knows the answer, and that he doesnāt want to say it. āFine just- hurry.ā Everyone knows why he's on edge, why heās off.
Everyone here is well acquainted with the pack's omega.
The first few shows you'd ever attended, you'd been quite the distraction. Falling asleep in Namjoon's lap during his makeup. tugging on Jungkook's shirt while he was getting dressed, playfully feeling Jimin's hair while he was warming up and cutting off his notes. Unwilling to let any of them go on stage without being scented. a reminder as you lingered in the wings of the stage, in their peripheral vision that made even Hoseok stumble.
Occasionally you still attend their concerts to remind them of the power you hold, that as much as you give in to their impulses, they're also beholdent to yours. The leash goes both ways.
You're a little bit of a legend among the makeup noonas, managers, and bodygaurds. Because before enlistment and before any of this, before youād been theirs, youād been here working alongside them- a member of the support staff.
~-~
Omegas arenāt officially banned from working, not in any legal or governmental capacity.
Every few years some asshole petitions the current government to put some ban on them working and demand they remain registered to one alpha and one alpha only as is natural. But in all reality, the world could not survive without omegas at least taking some modicum of independence for themselves.
A good number of them appreciate their freedom. Just not you.
Hoseok doesn't like to consider the world where there are no working Omega's, a world where they aren't allowed to help.Ā Now that he's seen the military, and seen what it's like when alphas are taken outside of their normal routine and pack structure and put all together. The idea is even more unsettling.
Without omega's, alphas would break out into all-out war.
Hoseok imagines The rage. The quiet of devastation of murder out of necessity. Alphas already have a hard time restraining their instincts even with an omega. Every few weeks there are stories of some alpha going feral on the news. Can you imagine going 8 weeks without being scented? That sounds terrible. I don't think I'd last 4.
Omegaās are too gentle to do most jobs that aren't specifically designed for them. Omegas are sensitive, in need of protection from just about everything. No fear is too small, not fear of thunder or fear of darkness. Anything that can lurk can be killed, and alphas will kill for omegas. Itās a culturally accepted fact.
No alpha can maintain their instincts for long and keep them under control without an omega scenting them docile at least once a week, it's biological, a necessity as much as drinking water or eating. For beta's its slightly less- they get more snapish than feral. they need it maybe once a month.
Hoseok has still seen seokjin's hands shake, has still suffered through more than one sleepless night with jimin. His body and his brain fighting his instinct to stay awake.
There are modern solutions for age old problems of course. Before you the pack subsided the same way the rest of the population did. There are upscale scenting parlors on just about every street corner in the city, private institutions designed with open air booths or similar to cafes that pay out omega's handsomely for a little acess to their wrists or if they're feeling particularly brave- their throats.
Most priced too expensive for the average person to afford, let alone a couple of broke trainees drunk on foolish dreams. There are alternatives for most of the population. Synthetic omega scent (that always smelled too chemical to Hoseok) available for purchase at every convenience store. Fortified drinks with omega pheromones that sort of work that keep you awake when you need to make deadlines. Yoongi used to overindulge in them.
If you're willing to pay extra, you can even buy something that's actually been scented by an omega.Ā They have boutiques for it.
Although very very few packs can have an omega- most idol companies at least employ one designated omega scenter. Theyāre becoming more and more popular. A perk, similar to a 401k or unlimited PTO. See you don't need to worry about who will scent you next. See, if you're having a bad day or need help pushing through, we have what many don't.
And still- despite their necessity. Not all societies worship omegas. In certain pockets of the world, omegas are thought of as spoiled and lazy. Some are even kept secret to keep their freedoms, their omegan instincts suppressed until later by medications.
Either consensually or non-consensually in your case. You hadnāt known, not until you were well into your teenage years and nearly a legal adult, that you were an omega. Your instincts remained mostly dormant (and what didn't stay dormant you neglected). sometimes you still struggle to understand what your omega wants.
The others just think you're a little more spirited than a regular omega. But Hoseok knows. Hoseok's alpha has always been able to sniff it out.
Hoseok's blood still boils when he thinks about what your parents did to you. They did it in the name of protecting you but still. He'll still rant if given the opportunity (as long as it doesn't set you on edge). Hoseok's ranting is usually met with understanding from the other alphas and chagrined comfort from the betas in his pack.
The alphas understand that the anger never really goes away. But Seokjin and Jimin are different. They get a little spooked when Hoseok shows how truly angry he is.
Jimin usually exits the room when the others decide to indulge hoseok when he wants to hash it out again. He and Taehyung and Yoongi and Namjoon will find themselves in Yoongi's studio with a twelve-pack or they'll hit golf balls off the roof of the company building when the restlessness of unmet anger really tares at them. Hashing it out yet again until the rage has quieted to a dulcet murmur and Hoseok feels like writing songs about it again.
But not now. Hoseok can't calm himself down right now- Not right now when youāre back in the hotel room running a fever. A fucking fever.
You canāt blame Hoseok. Heās protective of you for a reason. Itās not only the omega plague that has him concerned butā¦your general health.
It's been harder to resist the temptation to worry since after his military service. Without all of them here to temper his anger and calm him down, Hoseok's alpha has been running a little wild. Bubbling up under the surface. Constantly close and whispering in his ear.
You even thing you see it come out on stage sometimes. Sometimes when he commands the crowd or asks them to roar for him it feels almost like he's using alpha voice with them.
Youād noticed the shift in Hoseok the second heād come back. The second he took off his uniform for the last time after 18 months. His instincts were closer to the surface than ever before. He was so quiet. So silent. None of his usual electric energy, none of his quiet sureness that you were so used to.
Hoseok hates to admit it and hates it when anyone brings it up, but military service had changed him (and not in a good way).
Itās a good thing he has you- if it wasnāt for you- Hoseok doesnāt know if heād have been able to find his way back to himself.
~-~
Coming home went something like this:
His eyes were wide through the live, open and unsure, a dazed look, almost shell shocked. Trembling with the new weight of old feelings. The position is familiar but the anxiety at his every move being watched- is unmatched. Like Jamais vu. How did being in front of the camera get so scary?
Hoseok used to be so good at this- at being an idol. They used to do this all the time almost without thought before enlistment. Are his movements too jerky? Can the fans tell that he's about to burst into tears? Can they tell? do they notice?
Is Hoseok not good at this anymore?
Leaving his station had felt like walking away from a nightmare only to find himself still asleep, somewhere between a night terror and a sweet dream. Because you were there in the van. You were there. A small body that nearly collided with his with how fast you pushed yourself to grab him the second he'd opened the door, A hand on your back and Hobi's neck, Yoongi close behind.
The cameras had only gotten one picture. Small arms wrapped around his waist and a blurry profile of a face pressed into his stomach.
Now, he listens to the sound of Yoongi prattling to Jin in the kitchen. sitting on the edge of your bed in the packhouse trying to decompress. there's an invitation to shower off the scent of the barracks before dinner that remains unfulfilled. The air smells like garlic and gochujang. the tang of ssamjang too. Smoke and fire. hoseok still hasn't undressed.
But Hoseok just sits on the bed. Hoseok can't move, lead weights attached to his extremities. Frozen there. Listening to the three of you and scenting the air.
the whole house smells like you, Jin, and Yoongi. just the three of you. none of the other alpha's, not Jimin. Hoseok never thought it would smell strange to him. Never thought that it would smell even a little unfamiliar.
Yoongi is all tangerine goodness. Bright and fragrant just on the edge of ripeness. Jin is soft as a peach, sweet and gentle. But You- oh you-
You smell like warm berry jam and nighttime summer air. Something drippy sweet and dark. Like the hint of sunshine and warmth and like syrup moving slow. Those early summer evenings where you can still smell the sun on the air even though it's already set.
Hoseok breathes it in through his teeth, Gritted. On edge. Alpha close under his skin.
Jin's teasing and Yoongi's low murmur fill the air around your bird chirps and squeaks, even when he falls silent. Absorbing it all, adjusting. It's only been a few hours. Only a few. Hoseok should cut himself some slack for not immediately being chipper and lighthearted.
Yoongi sounds relieved and excited even from here. Thereās expensive champagne to celebrate (Hoseok hardly tasted his glass when he downed it, trying to calm his nerves) and a home-cooked meal that Hoseok has been looking forward to for months.
He hears the murmurs too, Yoongi breathing heavy, tense. Words he thinks Hoseok can't hear. "He's so skinny hyung, I saw him take off his jacket and I could see every tendon."
"I know, I know, but he's back now, he's safe, that's all we can change now. At least it's over for him."
"But the others."
"Baby I know." A quiet whine, a chirp. "don't you worry your little head about it darling, you just sit there, would you like to try the first piece? it's almost done. You don't need to save it for alpha, he'd want you to have it." It takes everything in Hoseok not to storm into the other room and feed it to you himself.
Hoseok knows what he looks like, knows that he's skinnier than normal, that he looks underfed and somehow more muscular than before. starved for something that isn't food maybe. the military keeps alphas well fed but not satiated. feeds them enough protein and wolfsbane to make them stronger and yet more susceptible.
But in the meantime worry and anxiety have eaten away at him. His cheeks are hollow and his thin birdlike bones look like they've been wrapped with corded muscle. You'd squeezed them appreciatively earlier, the same as you had with Jin. And Yoongi's eye roll had been hassling. But even the other alpha smelled pleased.
"Yah what am I going to do, if they all come back like this it's going to be me and you against the world pup." You'd giggled, and Hobi had delighted you by letting you hang from his arm.
hoseok couldn't explain why when he looks at you he feels like crying. you're wrapped in your most comforting clothing, an old sweatshirt of his that he hasn't worn in two years and has a new hole at the hem like you've worn it every day in his absence. Giggling softly as you try and hang. Yoongi's hand twitches like he's sort of ready to catch you incase you teeter.
"You're so strong now! Bet you're stronger than Jungkookie even! you can lift me all the time not just when you wanna show off!"
"He could always lift you pup," Jin had crooned looking down at you, a head taller, stooping to drop a kiss on your forehead. His knowing smirk light and teasing. "Hobi just feels like lifting you is more for him than for you so he resists, kind of like how I feel about hugging- like this."
Jin has the longest arms but for what he can't reach Yoongi makes up for. The second he reaches around you and Hobi- Yoongi mirrors him. Both of them are in sync and Hoseok mistimed. off beat. Missing a step. Yoongi and Jin squeeze both of them pushing their chests together and trapping both you and Hobi in a Yoonjin sandwich.
Hoseok can feel how gently they do it. going slow so as to not aggravate his instincts. His alpha cocks his head, unused to the careful affection. They keep squeezing until both of you devolve into giggles and until Hoseok is laughing for real. Unbidden, face crumpling towards the end.
The pack house is part of a gated community. Insulated from the public eye by high walls and a guarded gate. Itās a mixture of modern Western architecture on the outside and traditional Korean wood tones and airy skylights on the interior.
Everyone has a bedroom although they more often than not find themselves scattered in pairs or trios. When the pack doesn't have a schedule to attend to the following day and your health allows for it- they pile into your bedroom heaped all over each other. Unworried about sleeping in uncomfortable positions or needing to wake up everyone to pee.
It's adjacent to your nest room and the kitchen on the ground floor- because you were as equally as prone to bumping into things and tripping as Namjoon. The pack couldnāt bear the idea of you having to go up and down the stairs every night.
You could call them overprotective and you would be right. Your comment about Hoseok carrying you wasn't just teasing. You're lucky your alpha's keep you on such a long (and thankfully metaphorical) leash.
Many many omegas find themselves in more controlling situations than you do. Monitored, and kept safe by personal bodyguards or packmates (often times beta's or lower ranking alphas whose sole job in the pack structure is to protect and guard the pack's omega).
The closest thing you have to that is Jungkook and Taehyung. You don't think it's that over the top. In some parts of the world omega's occasionally disappear. Snatched from street corners or stolen from nests in the dead of night. Usually just after the presentation when they haven't found a pack yet to keep them safe.
You're lucky that the pack only sometimes ask to carry you up and down the stairs. You're lucky they don't have the habit of 'omega wearing' as some more traditional all-alpha packs do. No one's kept omega's like that- as little more than pets- in generations. You don't live in a country that requires omegas to wear a collar when they're out in public.
But still, sometimes it's hard not to be protective. You're used to most of it, every time that you so much as pick up a butter knife someone's shushing you and taking it from you. When you bend down to tie your shoes someone is already on their knees before you. Your jacket is always zipped for you, mittens always on, scarf tucked. Whenever you try and put a shirt over your head someone is aiding you. You've lost track of the times that you've heard them say "let alpha do it."
Jimin doesn't even ask, he just glares and puts his hands on his hips if you struggle too much. Surprisingly stern when you feel like you want to squirm or struggle. He's one of the very few packmates whose not uncomfortable landing a swat over your behind or making you write lines.
Jimin is very very particular about the rules. there are others that apply to the rest of them like 'no staying at the studio over night' and 'pt once a week, no butts' and 'no skipping meals for practice' but there are other ones specifically for you that go a little over the top.
Rules like I will tell my packmates when I'm feeling overstimulated and I will not go places in public alone without someone there to protect me. I will not behave in a way that puts my physical wellbeing in danger even inadvertently. If I go into omegaspace I will go and get someone no matter what they're doing because I cannot be left alone unsupervised.
Other things too like- when i feel needy i will not touch myself like a greedy little pup when I have 7 healthy packmates to fuck me. When I want a knot I will not demand it but ask for it nicely and say please and thank you. I will not take out my plug after breeding until Jiminie or Hoseokie or Namjoonie has told me I can. When I want bruises during a spanking or a settling I will clear it with every alpha first starting with Hoseokie and then Yoongi and Namjoon, then Jinnie, and Jungkookie and Taehyungie, only then will Minnie take you over his lap.
And you'll say please and thank you.
You're getting a bit ahead of yourself. Jimin is a very very particular beta. You miss him so much it aches. You miss all of them so much it hurts you, manifests as a physical ache in your temples or under your ribs. A breathless furious need to burrow away where no one could see you. unsafe without your familiar cadre of packmates.
Most of the ways that they take care of you are completely innocent. A tangle in your hair is hardly there before someone asks you to come sit between their thighs, brush in hand. You rarely ever have to sit on your own, a rotating schedule of who gets to have you in their lap during meal times. You haven't picked out your own clothes in years- someone's always there to do it for you.
At least not before enlistment.
After enlistment, you'd learned to do alot for yourself again. With Yoongi home in the evenings, it wasn't quite as lonely as it could have been but still-
It's the little things, that you'd struggled to accept at first that you ended up missing the most. It's insane to you now how you used to live before. That you were used to being independent and uncared for.
Maybe the truth is you don't hate all of it. It was so much nicer than being hissed at and shunned. You don't hate it when you fall asleep in the car or the couch and Namjoon or Hoseok carries you to your bed. You don't hate it when you're in public and someone is always gripping your arm or hold your wrist and guiding over every uneven doorway or step down. holding the back of your head when they guide you to bite. You don't mind the "hold my hand pup" or "Someone's too small for that, let alpha do it."
It's strange sure, but it's a little true. even when you don't want to admit it.
It's strange when Seokjin blows on your spoon of soup before letting you take a bite. When the alphas growl at you if you linger too close to someone who's not them- But it makes you feel comfortable and cared for in a way that you weren't always used to.
Treasured. That's the word for it. You're their treasure. You don't cringe about it when you remember anymore. (The truth is that the pack has made you a bit spoiled now. You don't resist their babying nearly as much as you used too).
It had felt like something of a game at the beginning. You asked for things to see if you could and they fulfilled it, only to shrink before what they actually wanted to give. But eventually you got so used to them handling everything that even when you'd squirmed and struggled and called too much you'd trusted them enough to let them push- and you'd eventually given in.
Maybe you'd be more used to it if you were born an omega (you were born an omega, you try to remind yourself. It just feels like you weren't sometimes).
Now their bedrooms are spaces that you haunt when you miss them. when they're home there are still moments when they each need their own space to either sleep without temptation or decompress after their busy schedules. It serves no one if they always wake each other up by leaving early for filming, or practice, or meetings.
The only bedroom thatās fit with a bed big enough for all of them is your bedroom, more out of necessity than anything else since your bed is the defacto favorite. Youād tried for a normal bed when youād first moved in but found it quickly overrun and too crowded by packmates. Giving you the largest bedroom was something Hoseok insisted upon.
His own bedroom is now across the courtyard next to Yoongiās, hardly used. Last time Hoseok checked, Yoongi had taken to storing some of his recording equipment in there, had propped the old bed up against the wall to make room for a pseudo recording studio. Before enlistment Hoseok rarely spent a night away from you, only if you were sick again and if he had an early schedule and didnāt want to wake you- and even then- he'd just rather steal away to someone else's room rather than sleep on his own.
The packhouse is arranged in a big rectangle with an open-air courtyard at the center. The soil there is crammed close with as many plants as Namjoon can stuff there. Tended to by staff twice a week now that the alpha isnāt home regularly to look after his precious camellia and cloud-pruned spruces. The cherry tree sits stubby, blooms just tempting to burst but not here yet. by spring time a small patch of grass will sit studded with clovers and small flowers, a spot for you to lounge in the middle of the day and curl up like a cat in a puddle of sunshine.
Hoseok and Yoongi are on the other side of the courtyard adjacent to the entrance. close to it just incase anyone tried to enter. The rest of the pack is upstairs. In their various bedrooms scattered between the workout room and entertainment center a larger studio space and a tiny art room where taehyung stores his canvases.
Now, Hoseok sits in your empty bedroom. Trying to decompress. Emphasis on trying.
It's hard when every time he shuts his eyes a new memory assaults him. It's hard to stay present. Hoseok knows his breathing is getting more and more ragged the longer he spends alone. It's so quiet here in the pack house. Hoseok's alpha doesn't like it.
Hoseok closes his eyes and a gun goes off. The feeling of a gun in his hand is heavy and impersonal. Hot and sweaty beneath his fingertips.
He opens them and sees your striped red and pink robe hanging by the door, side by side with Taehyung's green and yellow one. Yours warn and his brand new but both of them purchased on the same day. Taehyung just hasn't been here to use it.
He closes them and a sergeant is yelling in his face. Prodding his shoulder with their finger until his body moves. Hoseok can feel the growl in his throat threatening to burst.
Hoseok opens his eyes and notes that you've dropped one of your heated stuffed animals on the ground, that it's rolled half under the bed, he retrieves it and sets it on the bedside table.
Hoseok blinks again and Hoseok must not be composed enough. He must lift his lip because they're yelling at him to drop and give 50. But it's better than being on night watch for a week. Better than sleepless nights spent staring into the darkness and snow, not better than your bed here, plush and soft, smelling like good summer evenings.
Hoseok undresses in the barrack bathroom shoving the second someone comes too close, body-calling threats before he's even turned to see who it is. Hot water is better than the cold that digs into Hoseok's body like it's something with teeth and claws.
On night watch near the northern border. His fear plays tricks on him, you can only look into the darkness for so long before your mind plays tricks on you. You can only hunt monsters and play at being a killer before you start to feel too real.
Hoseok takes a deep breath and counts to seven.
Tonight is supposed to be full of his favorite things. Marinated crispy beef and seafood that smells rich and buttery on the air, music playing low. Things that Hoseok hasnāt been able to indulge in in months.
Like Yoongiās cooking and your head in his lap after. Winding down and going slow. Easy slowness warming up to it so that Hoseok can start to get used to living again. He'll go back to work tomorrow with Jinnie because he doesn't have time to waste but with this and everything else. He'll adjust.
Hoseok doesn't have to be asleep tonight by the zero hour and doesn't have to be up tomorrow morning for early drills. He can sleep as long as he wants and He's not going to be able to enjoy it at all. Not while he's so keyed up.
He tries and does his best. Breathing in and out to calm his heart rate, decompressing in the half-darkness of the bedroom. It feels a bit too much like a shrine. There in the corner is Taehyung's record player collecting dust, and there on the shelf is Jimin's cologne.
Jimin doesn't always like to hide his scent, lightly floral, something delicate like roses or lychee, fruity and divine for a beta. You like to press your face into his throat hard enough to make Jiminie giggle. Hard enough to tip him over. He's prone to exaggeration. But when it comes to others outside of the pack Jimin prefers to hide his scent with a light layer of cologne, pushing it just a little more subdued, a little more masculine.
Scents are up to everyone's preference, and a fair amount of betas wear scent blockers and Jimin prefers to keep his scent for only the pack to indulge in and enjoy.
Namjoon's bonsai tree sits in the nook by the window, clipping shears and a pair of reinforced gloves (because the pack can't even let you handle scissors without worrying a little). A piece of Jungkook's artwork hangs above the bed. something that was sort of a courting present for you, it's mostly artful splatters but when you look at it in just the right light- it almost looks like a pair of eyes. Pieces are everywhere but no pack.
All of it, all of those months of discipline and control are gone now. Done and over. Everything is in frightening detail. His civilian clothes sit folded, his jacket off in just his undershirt now.
You scented them. Hoseok can smell it even without bringing it to his nose. Everything feels a little too sensory, a little too close. Like Hoseok is too aware of his body and how different his surroundings are. He closes his eyes because he can't bear how strange his life all looks.
Hoseok knew he had to be the first alpha out, he knew that this would be difficult. That it would be hard for the others to adjust and that it would be beneficial for them all if the pack alpha came home and got settled first. Hoseok can't imagine any of his alpha pups feeling this way, can't imagine Taehyung or Namjoon or Jungkook feeling like this. So tremulous, so fragile, and yet so volatile.
There are no barked orders, there is no rigorous schedule here. Just the scrape of a wooden spoon across a pan and the quiet comfort of home (but hoseok still feels homesick). Jin's creaky laugh, and the burst of champagne. The shuffle of slippered feet across the floor too.
Youāre talking to them in the kitchen, can hear Yoongi ask if you need help carrying Hoseok's champagne glass to him- a silly thing to say. but instincts are a little silly sometimes. Hoseok swallows back a lump in his throat at it.
It's not like youāre strangers again, he's had nightly phone calls and daily texts and a night or two of leave a month. Itās only been weeks since he last saw you. But keeping it together for a day before he goes back to the day-in-day-out rigor of the military is different than coming home for good.
This means more, this is different. Hoseok isn't going back. He's never going back.
He holds his breath and counts to seven, then 14, then 21, 35, 49, until he's half gasping.
Hoseok feels the need to catalog everything, the curtains pulled against the window. when did you stop sleeping with the sunlight?Your slippers by the door, new. The plates in the kitchen green instead of white. What happened to your old ones? When did you stop wearing bunny slippers and start wearing matching kitty ones with Yoongi? What more has Hoseok missed by not being here?
The scent of omega anxiety is on the air, scared and nervous. Youād been feeling all those things this morning when youād woken. Hoseok can smell it on the bed. A nightmare? Have you been having nightmares? Is that what it is?
Thatās not all Hoseok can smell, the dewy sweet scent of omega slick lingers too. Slightly stale. The spicey tang of another alphaās arousal also tingles at Hoseok's nose. Yoongiās and Jinās if Hoseok breathes deep, tracing the fresh scent of tangerines and peaches, a pure scent that deepens. Soothing, a balm to his nerves and likely yours.
Whatever solution the others found for your anxiety was the intimate sort. Hoseok can tell.
Just like he can tell that someone had stripped the sheets, had taken your clothes- drenched with the scent of omega arousal, out of the basket in the corner and taken it out, probably to keep Hoseok from scenting it, probably to keep Hoseok from being on edge.
but instead of making him comforted, it just makes him feel like a failure.
Failure, failure of a pack alpha. what kind of alpha is he that he can't even handle a hint of a nightmare? Heās angry, and not at you or at Jin or Yoongi, but at the situation. At things he can't change.
Hoseok can't hear your light footsteps. Can hear them get closer and closer and closer until you're a silhouette in the doorway, lingering, unsure. Catching him like this, sat on the edge of the pack bed, legs parted, head in his hands.
Hoseok opens his eyes; a shadow cuts across the light that streams in, and he flinches before he can stop himself.
āHobi? Are you alright?ā You take a step closer to him and he tenses. You notice, stopping in your tracks. āWhatās wrong?ā
āNothing.ā
āHobi-" you make to take another step closer and he lets out a sound, neither a hiss nor a whimper, neither a warning growl nor an invitation to come closer. Threat and protector blur.
For a second Hoseok's unsure if it's safe for you to be alone in the room with him.
āStay back for a second pup, Iām sorry Iām just-ā He takes off his beret, running his hands over his spiky hair. You probably thought that Hoseok went to shower minutes ago, not that he'd just be sitting here. āThis is a little overwhelming.ā
"What is? Us? Should we-" Hoseok nips it before your emotions have the chance to spiral.
āNo. Not you- never you. Just-" he exhales shakily, trying to tame his racing heart rate. No matter how many times he tells himself there's no reason to be so on edge, Hoseok just can't will himself to relax.
"Is it being home? Being out?ā Being free. It goes unspoken but Hoseok hears it and feels it regardless. He never imagined freedom to feel so stifling. To feel so unsure about his next move that he can't even make himself get up off this bed without worrying that he's going to lose control.
āNo, itās my instincts. I feelā¦ā he trails off, resting a hand over his heart and hissing through it. You take a step back; his closed eyes shoot open and he lets out a growl. A real one. You freeze.
The tension is so thick in the air Hoseok could cut it with a dull knife. Do not let the omega escape, sweet omega, pretty omega, omega under your thumb. Protect devour provide devour, please.Ā His instincts are practically howling out in his ear. Loud, drowning out your words, the concern.
There is a furrow between your eyebrows, Hoseok wants to smooth it out and then bite your cheeks, round and flushed. Why are you blushing?
It takes him a second to answer. He registers you've asked him another question but he can't even hear it over the roar of his heartbeat.
āSorry. Feel like Iām going crazy.ā
āOh you- oh Hobi. Youāre alright. Itās over. Weāre gonna be okay.ā He hums skeptically when you say it. Blinking rapidly. He hopes its so dark you don't see the glassiness to his eyes. He doesn't respond right away. Can't.
Itās a reminder heāll need again. He's going to need to hear you say it about a dozen times over the next week. You'll repeat it to him whenever his instincts get like this; whenever they go a little feral. A little haywire. He's not sure if he wants to burst into tears or stalk across the room and pin you to the wall.
It takes a second for Hoseok to work up the courage to be honest. A few seconds where you wait, swaying slightly in the doorway. You're wearing a matching pj set, the top has little iridescent buttons that catch the light like the eyes of a sea creature. The object of his every frustration and all his desires. The confession lurches from his chest, feels like a knife, and feels near violent.Ā
āIām worried I donāt know how to be gentle with you anymore. They made me so- Iām worried Iāve forgotten. I donāt- I canāt-ā
āWhat do you want to do right now? Tell me what you need.ā your tone leaves no room for his anxiety and Hoseok realizes that his breathing has gone jagged. Hoseok is barely contained, teeth bared, alpha going wild at your scent. This time when you step closer, his alpha lets out a growl purr. A pleased sound, a soothing one. Tempting you closer. His legs are splayed, and a few more steps and you'd be standing in between them.
Hoseokās hands are fisted in the sheets. He doesn't know if he can hold himself back. āPup- I donāt, I canāt- i'm going to attack you-ā
āAlpha.ā Your voice cuts through the bullshit. You step closer and this time he doesnāt flinch away. You set your hand on his knee. Gentle. Barely touching. āWhat do you need alpha? What are your instincts telling you to do right now?ā
He surges forward, stopping himself at the last moment. Your back against the door, swathed in shadow, a column of light flat across his face. Nose to nose with you. He grips your cheeks instead of your throat. You don't flinch and you don't sigh. Your reaction is immediate. Pushing into his touch. Hoseok's whole body is trembling with the effort it takes to stay gentle.
Hoseok hisses through his teeth. āMy instincts are telling me you donāt smell like me anymore. That I need to bend you over this bed and make you mine from the inside out. Then take you out there and do the same to Yoongi and Jin until everyone's mine again. I want to devour you until there's no question who you belong to- until the whole world knows you're mine.ā
He breaks off with a contemplative hum, and you realize how much his muscles are trembling, the dark tilt of his eyes as he stares at you, the dilation to his pupils. Itās faint, but itās there. The physical strength it takes to hold himself back- you can't imagine.
he rests his forehead against yours. and his hand tightens to a fist on the wall. He lets your face go to skim his hand down your throat, feeling your pulse. Beating out a 120 tempo against his fingers. Then to your waist. Only a fool would mistake his touch for anything but claiming.
If you ran, Hoseok would catch you. You kind of want to do that, to run and have him hunt you down. You wouldnāt get far probably not even to the doorway. You imagine him taking you right there right where Yoongi and Jin could see.
They'd probably just tease you both and keep cooking.
Hoseok's hands smooth up and down your sides, from your spine to your ass. You let him touch. You're his in every way that matters anyway. You don't react or at least you try not too. You jump a little, when he squeezes, hissing appreciatively. His fingers continue to touch, to devour, slipping lower, palming, between your legs from behind.
He brushes something sensitive and you jerk. He growls. "Stay still omega."
"Trying alpha it's just-"
He undoes the buttons one by one on your top, hands surprisingly steady until it falls away from your shoulders. Hoseok nuzzles. Dark hair tucked beneath your chin as he mouths at your scent gland, hot breath dusting your skin. You're not worried or shy, Hoseok has seen all of you. You stay still until you feel the press of his teeth, jerking.
He squeezes your hip, reassuring you. The tension dissipates just a little.
"Iām so tired,ā he laughs, and it sounds sad even to your own ears. He pulls back away from your skin, lips glossy and he rubs his hands over his face and then his hair. Your body burns when his hands leave your skin. It looks like it takes him real effort.
He leaves you there, standing half undressed by the doorway, shucking off his own shirt as he goes, setting it on the bed. Back to you.
There are bruises on his spine, up and down his back from a heavy pack or the strap of a gun you're not sure. You stumble forward, still half winded to touche them. Hoseok's body stills when he feels you come close.
You trace over them softly. Hoseok's breathing is so measured you know each breath must take herculean effort.
There have been so many weeks of teasing that have led up to this. Picture after picture, you pouting asking for your favorite alpha home. Pictures that Hoseok dared only open in the privacy of the bathroom that left little to the imagination. A shot of Yoongi's head between your thighs, a shot of you nesting in next to nothing. Virtual bait and blood in the water to Hoseok's hungry alpha more than willing to take a bite.Ā All to give him something else to think about during that home stretch.
You wrap your arms around him and press your bare front to his warm back.
āI'm so tired that I donāt think I can be gentle, and I want to be gentle with you. I canāt not be gentle with you. I don't think I could do it without loosing control.ā His fingers are mostly gentle as they pinch your cheeks, making your lips pout out. It's a little goofy.
Your eyes already look shiny, and he almost jerks when he registers the scent of slick on the air.
āThen donāt be gentle.ā
āPup.ā There's a warning in his voice and he looks visible startled when he turns around. He pulls back until you let go of him, turn around. but you're not dissuaded easily, arms loose until he grabs your wrists. no matter how hard you pull you can't get them out of his grasp. but that's sort of the point.
You let Hoseok hold you, let him keep you still, a teasing smile on the edge of your lips. He huffs after a second, palms sliding up to your elbows. "You're gonna make me get more grey hairs."
"but you love me anyway?"
Hoseok nods. "but i love you anyway."
āif you can't be- then don't. Donāt be gentle, I don't care.ā Youād tilted your head to the side. āPlease alpha.ā
Hoseok is a weak weak man. Hoseok cannot hold himself back from you. Not today. Hoseok proceeds to do exactly that, hunting and running and all. you smile and bolt, and hoseok bends to his instincts just this once.
You don't make it farther than the doorway.
Sprawled and giggling. Somewhere along the next few minutes, the sound of Seokjin and Yoongi cooking quiets, they listen but they don't interrupt. You try to push, try to fight but it's futile. it's all a game. Giggling all the while and it's like candy and conquest.
Hoseok's mouth runs wild like this- instinctual and driven.
"Is it too big for you little pup? Poor little omega stuck on a big knot, making you feel all full. Don't worry, alpha will fuck you until you're used to it again, until you feel empty without it. Keeping me warm and snug, is it too much? Don't cry, alpha will make it better. Alpha will keep you safe."
By the end of it. You'd been dazed and boneless, little more than a puddle of whimpers and whines. He had carried you tender and knotted to him in the direction of his pack. Instincts driving him to show (Hoseok is little better than a pup bringing his packmates a stick. See? See how good I bred omega, see how good I knotted her. She smells good and I made her this way for you. If he had a tail it would be wagging behind him.)
Dinner and celebration traded for a different sort of meal. Hoseok sits with you in his lap at the kitchen island. Yoongi dries his hands slowly from the sink and curses low when Hoseok holds you under your thighs, back to his chest. Spreading you for him.
"Fuck- I forgot how it looks like when you knot her it's so-"
It will take a good hour for Hoseok's knot to go down. Until then, the pack will play with you as they see fit, completely at their mercy, just the way that Hoseok likes you.
You always get a little bit more suggestible when you're knotted. Hoseok likes to think that you don't let them do everything they want to you when you are knotted butā¦you sort of do. While you're more than comfortable telling them off and showing off any wandering hands normally (and there are alot of wandering hands) you're almost docile when you're knotted to Hoseok.
Being knotted to the pack alpha is a bit of an invitation. Hoseok has watched the others jerk off over your chest like this, has watched them go between your legs and lap and suck to their heart's content, seen them kiss and suck until your eyes have rolled back. He doesn't mind. It doesn't make his instincts feel threatened. It feels good.
But only if Hoseok lets them. Maybe that's why you let them do it because in these moments, your bodies are locked together- you belong solely to Hoseok.
Hoseok's nose traces over your spine, over the nape of your neck. His alpha likes it very very much. The other alpha's like it too.
Now Yoongi eyes the spot where you stretch around him, the place you go pink and dewy, licking his lip and adjusting himself in his pants. Hoseok knows there's not a thing in the world he wouldn't give up for this.
Hoseok reaches between your legs. You whine when you feel him touch you, eyes fluttering against his throat, but Hoseok tips his fingers into your dewy folds, parts your lips and shows them. "opened right up, cute little cunt. Your whole body is lax, head full of mango colored cotton. the haze of pleasure just a little too much, a little too much to sort out your desire to please from everything else.
distantly you can hear yoongi's deep chuckle. "Your knot is the same size as mine. It looks like this when you do it too."
Yoongi's dark eyes are unreadable. The room smells like smoke, the burners are turned off, but no one is plating any food. Hoseok didn't even bother to undress just pulled down his pants enough to get his knot free. But you're nude clutched against his chest. Clothes torn up in the other room. Bite marks up and down your body.
Jin coos and looks you over. Hoseok feelsā¦satisfied when the beta purrs in approval. The sight of it going straight to his head judging from the way his peach scent ripens on the air.
"It's different, it's different when it's yours."
You jerk once Jin comes close, his long fingers skimming places Hoseok can't see, buried against the back of your neck, mouthing at your nape hungry still. "Sensitive" you shutter but your pleas remain mostly ignored. a whine escapes your pressed lips and a furious blush lights down your midline. Jin keeps touching you. Hoseok wraps his arms around your middle to stop your squirming. Keeping you still so that the beta can do what he wants with you.
"Alpha bit me there too." You mumble against Hobi's throat, shifting restlessly from whatever Jin is doing. Shifting more. "Jinnie- I'm sensitive,"
You nearly flinch, but Jin's thumb presses. "Oh here? Right here?" Hoseok's teeth dip into the nape of your neck and you go boneless. Hobi laps at the pink skin when he pulls back. you pant openly, incapable of letting out more than whines.
"Let Jinnie see what alpha did to you pup." Jin drops to his knees to look closer and hobi holds you wider.
When he looks up, he makes eye contact with Hobi before you. His smile goes a little teasing.
"This little spot right? It's a very cute little spot, I understand why Hobi bit it."
Hoseok's nose traces your ear. "Don't act like it didn't make you cum." you sniffle but nod. Hoseok's knot throbs at your simple obedience. the way that you agree. It makes Hoseok want to bite you more if it's even possible. He laps at your throat some more to ignore the temptation.
"Oh? Alpha was mean? Let Jinnie kiss it better."
~-~
You end up ordering takeout. Yoongi burnt the meat too bad to be edible.
Later there is this; you cuddled up on his chest, nearly nude, wearing someone's boxers as shorts as you often do post-breeding. You claim it helps you feel closer to your alphas and although stealing clothes is pretty typical of an omega. Jin still teases, "you're not even wearing ours; those are Jungkook's."
Yoongi had stood up, pawing for his phone. "I'm gonna send him a picture- he's gonna love-" Yoongi's fingers pause on your hem. a shocked laugh bursting from his throat. "Hobi you literally left teeth marks on her ass."
Hobi's arms go firmer around you and he's about to apologize when you beat him to the punch. "I like it. If anyone gets angry tell them not to because I liked it. Makes me feel-" You shimmy and hiss at the ache in your body. "Makes me feel like I'm yours again."
There is a lump in Hoseok's throat, and his instincts go just a little more quiet. He's so fixated on that that he hardly hears your next reply, the teasing tone of your voice.
"And besides Jungkook's boxers are so much softer than yours."
"Yah-"
"You little brat." You shake against Hoseok's chest with the force of his laughter. And jump when yoongi reaches out to pinch the bruises. yoongi hadn't cum more than once earlier, and hoseok knows that although the other alpha is the least deprived out of all of them- he's still needy, still a little wound up by seeing it earlier.
They make eye contact over your head and Hoseok feels a little satisfied when yoongi looks away first.
"Fine, be like that, I'm gonna wash all my sweatshirts then and you won't have any left for your nest."
Your expression had gone suddenly panicked, "but- but-"
Now your bellies are full from takeout because Yoongi had actually ruined dinner- granted he had good reason to be distracted. Hoseok feels properly worn down, properly settled, there's still a tiny bit of anxiety in him, and his alpha still looms awfully close. But he knows that won't really go away for a good long while. Not until the whole pack is back here and safe. The doors locked and the windows shuttered.
Yoongi gets up when you ask for water, and Jin gets up when you realize you've neglected to put on your eye cream. Both strange things. In any other world Namjoon and Jimin would have done both of those things for you.
He might just confine them all to your bedroom for their first week back. His alpha likes the idea of that. You purr softly against his chest, and Hoseok holds around you with that same gentleness that he'd been craving earlier, finally capable of it with you smelling like him and the others too. They had only done the bare minimum of cleaning themselves up with lazy swipes of a damp cloth.
With three packmates wrapped around you, Hoseok under you, cheek resting over his heartbeat to listen, Yoongi against your back, and Seokjin at your front Hoseok finally feels like it's enough. You're safe like this. Nothing could ever hurt you.
Not even himself.
A concerning number of bruises trace up your thighs that Hoseok will apologize and worry over tomorrow. Even though you've told him you don't mind them- that you even like them. Everything can wait until tomorrow, healing included. Hoseok finally gets the courage to ask.
"When I came into this room, it set me off. I can tell you were anxious this morning when you woke up. What was it? Was it me?" He has to crane his neck to catch your expression and how your face goes from stricken to polished in a second.
"It was nothing, we handled it." Seokjin tries to smooth over it. But Hoseokās warning growl cuts him off.
You trace mindless patterns over his heart, and your purr peters off. "I had this weird dream; it was a nightmare and just weird." You pause, looking up at him. Your expression is so calm that Hoseok doesn't believe it for a second. "In the dream you hated me, or at least really didn't like me." Hoseok's hold on you goes just a little tighter like his alpha is offended by the very idea of it. "There was glass everywhere and Tae was wearing pink."
Yoongi speaks, and Hoseok knows he's taking it seriously just trying to make you feel better by being a little silly."That's not that weird, Tae wears pink all the time."
"Only when he steals Jin's clothes."
"Did you know he got ketchup on the last one? I swear these kids-"
You peak up at Hobi tentatively. And he can tell that you're still a little upset by the dream. "Don't worry- I think by the end of the dream we loved each other and anyways-" You kiss his jaw, pecking at it and a lazy growl builds in his chest, spent cock twitching below you. His appetite is insatiable even after three rounds. Once on the floor, and again on the kitchen table. And again here.
"It didn't make any sense; Yoongi was a beta in it and Jinnie was an omega like me." you trace circles over his heart. "It was a bit ridiculous."
Jin ducks low pressing a kiss to your forehead, āyeah, as much as I love you being an omega I donāt know how you handle all of us pawing at you like this. Iād get like so overstimulated. And youāve told me how sleepy you get.ā
āYeah, it is a little annoying, needing more sleep than you guys do to like. Function.ā
"And like I could ever be anything but an alpha." Yoongi looks a little fragile, a little threatened by the dream. Hoseok wonders what else was in it if the other alpha is so on edge. Because there must have been more. āI canāt imagine not having instincts at all.ā Jin pinches him and Yoongi jumps.
You don't have to look to know Jin's rolling his eyes. āYeah like not growling and not nosing after anything that smells even a little bit sweet is such a curse.ā
āYou didnāt seem to mind it when I was nosing at you yester-ā Yoongi is interrupted by a pillow to the face, feathers fluttering down as you giggle against Hobi's chest.
Hoseok ignores the bickering, still watching you. "What was I in your dream? Was I an alpha?"
"Yes, but you weren't mine." You scoot closer to him, wiggling like just the weight of your body isn't enough to get close enough. Hoseok has a feeling that in a few minutes, you're going to start tugging at the hem of his boxers and ask to cock warm him to sleep. Some nights your omega just doesn't like any distance between you and your pack alpha and now that you have him back you don't want to let him go even a little bit. You could use a plug- but your omega wouldn't like it now that you have the real thing.
(omega plugs are fairly standard, alot of packs make omega's wear them to sleep or when they go out. A physical reminder to the omega soft minded and a way to ensure they're docile. There are even fancy ones that log body temperature, dampness and location. Sending notifications to the alpha's phone and information like rem sleep and lengh of orgasam. The pack has never needed one of those with you.)
Now though hoseok wishes he had some sort of insight into what you're thinking as you rest your cheek on his chest and look up at him. frowning and thinking hard. hoseok's thumb rubs over the nobs of your spine, up and down.
āYou kind of hated me and you were so sad. I couldnāt do anything about it. That's what made me anxious- the idea of you being sad and not being able to fix it.ā
You turn to nuzzle into his shoulder. The movement is so routine, so normal it almost looks like breathing. Hoseok's heart hurts from it. Your scent smells a little disconcerted, a little worried. Like just the memory of the dream is enough to set you on edge. āLike I said it was a nightmare."
Hoseok just holds you tighter, dragging his cheek along the top of your head. His scenting is a little overkill given the circumstances. any alpha in a 3 mile radius would be able to tell it's him that's claimed you.
"Yeah," he says, voice rough and quiet. "Sounds like a nightmare to me too."
~-~ Stay tuned for the next part ~-~
Notes:
sometimes i feel like i frame certain scenes like i'm not like- writing a story so much as vissually looking at a tv and describing what i'm seeing. this is one of those fics that very much felt like that.
i feel like this story is more of a true story vs a plot. i've made no secret of the fact that what i really like about fanfiction is making a world that you can sink your teeth into- and i feel like this one- this universe with pack alpha hoseok is like- ugh so drippy. like i truly hope you leave reading it and feel frustrated that you're not there- even though not all of the things described in it are good. for that reason i think there's less plot in this. like i just want it to be something that envelops you- not necessarily something that progresses although there definitely is plot to it.
i toyed alot with the idea of having there be shifting wolves in the one. i put that little tidbit in with taehyung just incase i fell like touching on it here. but honestly i may not have enough time.
i think one of the scent fortified drinks that yoongi drank too much of in their trainee days was probably "omegabull" or "omegaster" idk i didn't put it in because it felt too goofy. my favorite redbull is cranberry flavor :) maybe i'd smell like cranberries if i was an omega?
okay so- the pack's scents in this- i know it's not mentioned all that much in the first chapter- but!!! their scents for hoseok and the m/c are what their scents would have been had they not been abused in bily- this universe is sort of a foil of the other one. but yeah- hoseok would have smelled like mangos :( i know not everyone will read bily who reads this so! i tried to make the allusions to it less on the nose than in the first draft.
tbh that little bit with the plates being new, this is a. a bily refrence because remember how yoongi breaks them when she leaves? yeah this version of yoongi also broke dishes when the pack left. BUT ALSO- i do think i wanna touch a bit more on yoongi and her's time alone togeather. i like the idea that in every universe, they have their moment where it's just the two of them.
the scene at the end is just hoseok: ready to pounce on the m/c scared of himself and the idea that he could hurt her meanwhile the m/c: thats hot.
the moment where he says "the object of his frustration and all his desires' is a nod to bridgerton because i was re-watching it and loving it.
if we're being honest i think that beta's might be intersex in this universe, do i really really wanna write jimin and her rubbing their pussies together? yeahhhhhhhh, am i actually gonna write it??? probably not.
#hoseok x reader#bts x reader#jungkook x reader#bts omegaverse#bts poly au#bts poly fic#bts omegaverse fic#jungkook smut#hosek smut#hopekook smut#bts yandere#bts forced caretaking#bts dystopia au#bts a/b/o#bts posessive#bts hurt/comfort#bts sicfic#bts fanfiction#jungkook#hoseok#poly bts#poly bts x reader#hopekook x reader
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melfrank historical romance AU set on the grounds of the 1893 columbian exposition (aka the chicago's world's fair -- the one with the ferris wheel!) where frank is part of the medical crew arranged by the exposition's medical department to service the fairgoers and attendants alike and mel is there to attend a few of the medical congresses going on as well as take notes on eadweard muybridge's studies on locomotion at his zoopraxographical hall for her boss.
frank is very disillusioned with the idea of the city investing in this whole show just to toot their own horn and the inability of the medical associations to reach a consensus and a working plan to solve the city's public health issues, whereas mel still thinks events like these provide great opportunity for the learned of the world to gather and share their knowledge, and also to open up spaces for certain peoples and their efforts to reach the public eye, and so they find themselves at odds at the beginning but intrigued by one another. they browse through the exhibits together, marvel at the sights (did you know they recreated la niƱa, la pinta y la santa marĆa for this exposition? wild), ride the ferris wheel, have their whole "it's so pretty" (looking at her) "it is" moment. they go see the kinetoscope because i want them to.
i think frank is probably married, but abby's a new york socialitƩ who's got much more important business going on (political organizing) and thus they haven't seen each other in years. her family does not like him lol and frankly (haha) abby did marry down, so. he also probably is still an addict but i'm not going to research what he'd be on right now. mel's under the wing of a pretty well known, but still rural midwestern doctor and she's a doctor in her own right. wanted to apply to the staff for the women's hospital but was rejected. she tells frank about her dreams and in his head he's immediately scheming how to help her thinking i'm pretty sure abby knows the blackwell sisters we could get her a position at their hospital and tries not to interrogate why he wants to do that too closely and also, mm, maybe going to his wife for this is... not the move.
when the fire in the cold storage breaks out, i think frank pulls mel into the emergency hospital and they save a bunch of people and in the aftermath, he gets kicked to the curb for bringing a woman into it that wasn't even part of the staff, so they don't even get to stay for the mayor's assassination. they meet at the train station with their tickets going two different directions and frank tells her to drop everything and go with him to new york and mel really does consider it even though they met like two months ago. they end up parting and becoming pen pals, and when frank opens his own practice, he tells mel he's got a place for her in it, if she wants to take it, and mel wistfully sighs as she looks at the letter from the windowsill in her little idk. kansas hospital, and chews her lip about it until her boss with the big booming voice drops a hand on her shoulder and tells her he didn't send her all sorts of places just to keep her locked in here, so she writes frank back that she'll go where he asks, if he will have her.
#melfrank#ngl this one is just for me. this is literally just for me. i could not even begin to explain to you how much this is tailored to ME#you know the melfrank brain worms are really really getting to me because i hate US history and im still like damn. great material#psa newsmen still at large
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Celebrities who are right now at The Eras Tour:
-The Taylor Lautners
-Jesse Tyler Ferguson and his husband
-Lizzy McAlpine
-Ashley Tisdale
-Hayley Kiyoko
-Sofia Carson
-Sarah Paulson
-Mindy Kaling
-Dixie D'Amelio
-Madelyn Cline
-Vanessa Bryant
#THERE'S SO MANY#and a bunch more that idk who they are lol#š¤: taylor swift#taylor swift#the eras tour#swifties#cee speaks into the void
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some old and recent doodles of lifesteal and unstables silles... hello ls and uu nationššš
#m nervous posting these hehe#u can tell i really like the. planetlord.#and then i went crazy with wemmbu because i really loved his pov for uu#btw the s5 planet doodle was kinda a wip cuz i was gonna add more of the guys he killed but i forgot who he killed lol#designs are inspired by a lot of people on tumblr and twt#lifesteal smp#wait nah lowkey idk what tags to use uh oh#planetlord#baconnwaffles0#yeah jaron#3 heart trio#i love them a bunch#mapicc#roshambogames#wemmbu#eggchan#princezam#derapchu#unstable universe#im afraid i might mischaracterize anyone with these doodles and im sorry in advanceššš#wait i completely forgot about the duos oops#duality duo#tax duo#tuberliker art
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todayās thoughts are of chigiri having a crush on his sisterās friend
#pie.talk#maybe crush is too light a word lol he is obsessed#i also like to think it makes him sweat a little#like you only know him from the cutified little brother lense Koyuki has presented him in#like yes he is a professional football player and has a very confident personality and admirable drive#but he also believed in santa until he was like 11 and you probably hear a bunch of other stories from Koyuki#that paint him as a spoiled little brother with a questionable personality#i think u usually only tend to see each other when in the presence of Koyuki and i feel like he's a bit more squishy around his family#i do think he is still pretty bold and blatant about his affection for u since that's just who he is#but u also know a lot about him from a source he has no control over so i think that makes him maybe nervous? a little pissed off? lol#his worst enemy is the 'little brother hyoma' image that exists in your head thanks to Koyuki#like you smile at him or say something nice to him and it sorta makes him crash out. he needs you to like him for HIM not because of Koyuki#he is working overtime and okay maybe he is leaning into the younger brother image a tiny bit to worm his way into your heart more#lulling you into a false sense of peacefulness until he lays it on really thick (bam sudden corny kabedon idk) he WILL have you#if ur still here...#this is now the sengoku period au portion#you are the wetnurse for koyuki's son and you live at the chigiri estate tragic past etc the cw list is longggg#he's effected by an old knee injury and is coddled by his family because he's the heir so he's extra antsy and huffy#rules? him being the clan heir? ur respect and gratitude for his sister and wishing to repay her?#he does not care and he will have you#comes off way too strong it feels like you're being hunted even though he is respectful of ur boundaries to an extent#eyes too intense#words too bold and direct and when he finally touches you it's so passionate and reverent it feels like ur burning#all consuming#you love it despite feeling that you do not deserve it
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More cishet observations from the past month at work:
- They really fucking buzz off of the TERF wizard book series
- Their favourite place on Earth is Florida (why???)
- If you tell them you're an artist, they will ask you if you've ever "tried out AI"
- They will joke about OCD a lot
- They absolutely hate their bodies and will take any opportunity to talk about food in a toxic way (bonus points if they compare their body/food to yours)
- They hate their spouses and think that this is funny
- They. Do not. Have interests. (Besides the TERF wizard book series)
- They don't watch movies or TV??
- If they have kids, the way they talk about them makes it sound like it was genuinely the worst decision they ever made
- If they don't have kids, they will still fucking talk about having them
- They don't like cats??
In other weird news, I'm gendered correctly at work and I pass to the point that cishets actually talk to me like I'm a cishet guy.
#once again afraid to post bc i feel like im being too mean#but also i have some serious cishet exhaustion and need to complain#i hate them idc#im going out with friends tonight and im tired af but also cant wait to be around fags#i feel like theres this misconception that a lot of young people nowadays are queer because its 'cooler'#but like. i am the way i am obviously. my queerness doesnt make me cool at all#but i find that cishets tend to be a lot less creative and close with people outside of their blood families#which makes perfect sense to me as a tranny who loves his friends more than family idk#so i get a lot of cishet exhaustion. even just cis exhaustion tbh#im not a cool and quirky kind of trans person by any means but sometimes -#- sometimes you just want to hang out with a bunch of transfags#like we can literally just be sitting around on our phones and its great#but cishets? they make ever fucking second a struggle sometimes#cant explain it beyond the feeling that im interacting with people who are entirely -#- fundamentally different from me in almost every way#i feel like its also important for me to say that i often feel isolated in trans circles too lol#like theres this kind of normative/young way of being trans right now and im not it son.#but thats a me problem
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i think people on twitter have a fighting fetish because otherwise what explains this nonsense
it's genuinely unbelievable at this point i swear they're inventing new things to argue about
#and the discourse about getting multiple m&gs is so tired#cause the answer is there just is no correct answer and you will argue anout it until you drop dead if you're looking for one#personally i stuck to one m&g for my own sanity lmao i value not getting yelled at over meeting dnp mutiple times#it IS selfish to get a whole bunch of them but that's not... evil? like being selfish is a morally neutral thing imo lol#cause you got those tickets fair and square and to say you don't ''deserve'' to meet them several times is dumb as fuck#it does mean less tickets for others who haven't gotten to meet them at all though and you also can't really be mad people are upset by it#because obviously they are going to be#but again you have every right to go to idk 30 m&gs if so be#am i making sense#like. no side is more in the right than the other here#the stupid part is arguing about it for days on end#cause once you're done arguing nothing will have changed#answered
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why are ppl always so mean about taz :(
#every time theres a new arc everyone who only liked balance is like 'oh if u dropped off after balance u have to listen to THIS arc bc its#JUST LIKE BALANCE'#every damn time.#it happened with ethersea a bit but especially w steeplechase and vs dracula#and u get ppl in the notes of these posts saying 'oh yeah i fucking hated everything after balance sooo glad theyre finally doing exactly#what i want them to!!'#like. its ok to have personal preference but dont be mean about it :(#and comparing every campaign to balance is rlly annoying sry#let them be their own thing#stop being so blinded by nostalgia ig#like not to be rude but. i think ppl think balance is the most Perfect Thing Ever but its rlly...not#all the campaigns have flaws but i aint canceling them for that#like what happened with grad#idk its like if balance came later ppl would probably be much more mean about it#bc they wouldnt be blinded by nostalgia as much or smthn#anyways#at the end of the day the mcelroys shouldnt be expected to make a replica of balance every campaign#and thats not what theyre trying to do. theyre doing what THEY personally want to do. like they clearly dont care abt what others think lol#theyre experimenting and having fun#its like. a free podcast with a bunch of silly dudes playing for funsies. they shouldnt have such high expectations or be demonized#in any way#my point being. if i see anyone being mean abt taz u get blocked#>:(#coon speaks#not tagging taz. i dont wanna see nasty ppl in my notifs ty
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people seemed to like my post about boba fett's characterization and personality traits in legacy of the force and find it helpful.
now i'm wondering if i should do another post in a similar style sharing my observations about his reaction and attitude towards physical touch in the same series :|a
#on one hand: i'm pretty sure i've addressed certain excerpts on the topic in a few different posts#so it might be a bit of old hat to people who have followed me for a while#also it is arguably a cheesy topic#on the other hand: i think it's interesting.#mostly bc fett is a character you'd naturally assume to be very touch-averse but the textual evidence is much more nuanced#also: my last post got a bunch of comments from appreciative fic writers and like#i know the topic might be Of Use to some of y'all lol#idk sound off in the notes if this is something you'd like to seeā i'm feeling a bit ambivalent about it#boba fett
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i've been talking a lot less about dumb twitter discourse because i've pretty much blocked almost all of datwt at this point lol but the last one i've finally decided is block on sight is "ugh why are there so many american accents in dav"
#madelyn rambles#idk if classist is the right word#when it comes to the mindset that fantasy characters all have to be british#but it feels like it's classist lol#also lbr it's entirely a change made out of convenience#having all of the elves be welsh or irish is fun!#but it necessitates finding a bunch of welsh and irish voice actors#or actors who can do a believable accent which is less ideal#(and i feel like voice acting has moved away from silly fake accents and more into using genuine representation?)#(esp after the laura bailey nadine situation)#and when you're a game studio in the middle of canada#it's a lot harder to find those actors
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RECORD STORE HAUL I AM WINNING AT LIFE
#i also got two the who dvds and pete's who came first on cd and the who sings my generation cd#live at leeds is a pressing from 1970 and has all the inserts except for the marquee poster and it was only ā¬20 i'm losing my mind#record store buddy brought me some more from the storage room but i'll come back for those when i have my debit card with me lol#i saw he has roger daltrey's one of the boys??? i didn't even know of that record lmao and a bunch more i only caught a glimpse of#and he has a signed israeli live at leeds copy according to the previous owner in which case uh i might get that one too#apparently he could get me under a raging moon and two sides of the moon for not too expensive? idk will check again#mel talks#the who
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watched the first 2 episodes of acolyte and so far i like every character except for the main one lol. (also is her name osha as in occupational safety and health administration??)
#star wars#the acolyte#acolyte#the nemoidian faces look really good#definitely the best looking prequel alien from the last few shows#rather ironic to name Miss Hazardous Workplace Conditions 'Osha' lol#the assassin lady was really cool looking#it was pretty funny to see that the 120bby sith assassins are reasonably friendly to each other#and at least help each other somewhat#and then there's poor ventress (and briefly savage ig) who just get force-zapped a bunch#the conversation between sol and vernesta(?) at the end of ep 2 was also pretty funny#vernestra: well we have to take time to Thoughtfully Deliberate this situation so we can respond wisely :)#sol: SHE IS ACTIVELY TRYING TO KILL ME???#poor guy hope the situation works out better for him#hey at least his new padawan (orange theelin) is smart#anyways might draw one of them idk#more inclined to draw nightsisters and soft wars rn but we'll see#whos the sith(?) cant be plageius bc hes a muun right?#how old is palpatine again? was the acolyte project his Sith Senior Thesis or something like that#unrelated but the scene of the jedi running around the ice planet bareheaded was so infuriating lol#PUT ON YOUR HOODS I KNOW YOU HAVE THEM#maybe i'll draw hats for them all#i found it a bit weird that they basically gave osha the anakin background? having her be *eight* specifically when she got to the temple#felt a bit off#kind of like it's taking away from the caution around anakin's induction? since i think koth was four and that was considered 'late'#so for a non-prophecied random kid to show up at age eight?#on the other hand maybe they only got cautious about age after this whole debacle happened? idk i'll see what happens#ok i think thats all
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why do baby otohanās colors look like fuckign TOOTHPASTE in this version ššš
#first version was a red-orange to vaguely green yellow analogous palette then i messed with the clothes a little and now i am failing at#color theory. help. this split complementary teal(ish) color and orange(ish) and pink(ish) is NOT working out#i do like my og colors so Iāll recolor this clothing version with that palette. but make otohanās skin more saturated lol#i always desaturate skin so much š it looks okay after rendering but OOF. light skin especially fucks me up WHY IS IT SO HARD TO DRAW#but yeah back to the original point Iām definitely gonna try out a bunch of different color palettes#i like the new clothes. i was definitely NOT an outdoorsy kid so idk what Iām doing here but#for the purposes of giving her a pointy stick I hc otohan to be that. i love the outdoorsy toothpaste baby. thatās a normal sentence to say#about otohan thull who is not depicted to be ANY of those things canonically. can you imagine if she was though. toothpaste killed 3 of bh#while screaming and crying and flailing around as babies do. can you imagine#⦠can yāall tell itās INCREDIBLY late lmao?#wait i think i have a ālate night art ramblingā tag one sec#anyways thatās that for tonightās late night art ramblings lol#<- THERE IT IS!#art ramblings
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Having a relapse moment
#I was in the car on Tuesday being a nice and good person minding my own business listening to Icarus falls#then the album ended and it was playing lucky again so I continued my enjoyment but then! it started playing some Tate McRae song and idk wh#who that is so I skipped#and then I kept skipping and obv itās on shuffle so itās playing like random artists and suddenly it goes to stockholm syndromeā¦..#and oh did I listen and enjoy that song. so much that I started listening to made in the am and I was like oh Iāll just listen to A.M. the s#song and thatās it nothing more š
š½āāļø#obviously thatās not what happened and Iāve spent the last two days with that album on repeat and I do have some thoughts to share#I started with end of the day which I know I love and it brought me back to the days of working at speedway and it was just a nostalgia mome#moment but anyway right after that I started listening to iicf and good god what a snooze fest I made it ten seconds in and skipped and it m#made me so thankful to not be a larrie anymore bc I was pretending to like that song anyway#then I skipped long way down and then we get to the best part of the album which is never enough Olivia and queen herself what a feeling#and that is what the relapse is all about#what a feeling#I donāt think anyone received this song the way I received it I just cannot explain the things this song has done and continues to do to me#describe like I feel true happiness even now when I listen to that song#anyways now Iām going through the album and I think hey Angel the leaked version was so much better than what we have on the album and I do#remember being annoyed about that but then I heard what a feeling and itās literally like Xanax to me so i didnāt gaf anymore#anyways also Olivia the song Iām annoyed that it got associated with Harry when Liam and Louis carrrrieeeeed that song all Harry does is the#chorus where thereās a bunch of music covering up his voice anyway so like??#idk why everyone was like this is Harryās song itās not lol#also drag me down sad excuse for a high note Harry does lmao I have to laugh itās so embarrassing he really thot he could match zayn and we#all just let him and look at what we have now#ok I think thatās all my thoughts I just really needed to dump these somewhere#chhapa#also OH Louis in history literally made that song what it itās so boring otherwise#it took me so long to memorize his solo but itās sick mini bars and hotel rooms and good champagne and private planes but we donāt need#anything coz the truth is out I realize that without you here life is just a lie this is not the end we can make it you know it you know#I believed it because I think he did too š
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having played a decent amount of bg3 now i can say with absolute certainty that i'm going to durgetash hell
#in my next playthrough i mean#i'm tav rn but when i play durge... oof#i expected astarion to interest me more than he does tbh#however a pretty boy simply cannot compete with a wet rat man#i know a lot of villainfuckers like raphael too but eh#all he does is talk a bunch and be cryptic and not really do anything useful lol#and if you try to make a deal with him apparently he just decides he doesn't want it anymore?#and monsterfuckers seem to be into the emperor but again... eh.#i mean his story is cool i guess but i was kinda annoyed that i had to support him no matter what#anyway i have eyes for one (1) man#i mean my tav is romancing karlach and i do like her a lot & they are chaotic cuties together#my durge is gonna be pure evil though#i am interested to see how it changes things but honestly i was kinda disappointed so far by how many illusory choices this game has#like it seems like a lot of the time they try to make it feel like you have more control over the plot than you actually do#like for example i am playing a gith who ran away from her creche because of strong ideological differences#and i wanted to side with orpheus and kill the emperor but apparently that's just not a real choice? like i guess u just die if u do that#also i succeeded on the check to get ketheric to surrender and he WAS surrendering but then aylin flew in and i was forced to fight him?#so far it seems like you pretty quickly get ushered back into the same main sequence of events no matter what#like the game isn't bad but it also is not as good as i was lead to believe#i know some degree of railroading happens in every RPG ever and is pretty much inevitable ofc#idk maybe it is just bc my expectations were too high bc of how much praise the game gets but it's not really on the level i expected
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I know that, especially if itās strangers, safety is also a big part of the concern, but I feel like a lot of (cis) women would be more comfortable sleeping in mixed gender rooms/rooms potentially with a bunch of cis guys if there was the requirement that you gotta promise to be cool about periods.
#thinking abt how when we went to Essen we booked a bunch of hostel rooms#and the way it worked out I was staying w/ 3 guys (in a 6 bed room) w/ I was totally fine w/#(all cis to my knowledgeāand this is a fairly queer/trans club so ppl tbf to be more open)#which Iāll be honest earlier I had thought Iād try to get a room w/ more women but I actually didnāt rlly care#and of course the fact that I trusted most ppl in that club and those guys overall#(tbf one of them I just trusted in so far as he seemed fine but the other oneās I actively knew and trusted and given itās the same room#thatās definitely enough)#but I wonder if I wouldāve been less comfortable if I were on my period#like they wouldnāt be dicks abt it#but I think I would still feel that awkwardness/duty to hide it#and thatās why I think itās specifically important that itās like an affirmative agreement to be cool#bcs like yeah maybe if I mentioned having a period they would like try to be cool abt it but they wouldnāt expect it#but if itās like affirmatively agreed to that they understand the risks and that they expect to hear abt periods/other stuff#maybe cis women would feel more comfortable#(Idk abt non-cis ppl who have periods bcs I canāt speak for how that would affect things)#(also I think this is mostly a problem for cis guys bcs a.obvs men (&nbs) who have/have had periods know what itās like#&b. I feel like if youāre trans (or gnc but cis to some extent too) you learn to be cool w/shit#or at least just thereās not that societal expectation that you need to be kept from the knowledge of periods)#(also obvs anyone who uses womenās public restrooms is gonna get used to periods whether they have āem or not lol)
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