#and a big test alarm just sounded and i was so scared and already little

[piinktearxs]

i just want to be able to look at someone when i’m scared by something and be soothed that they looked back, like in a silent way of asking them “what’s going on?” and then responding “everything’s all right”

[bedbellyandbeyond]

Rowan

(Story Post)

It was late after a long day when Dante got up to check on Okito. Usually Yori took care of it, but the spirit had a work meeting early the next day and Dante had volunteered for overnight baby duty. Dante shuffled out of bed like a zombie and scooped the baby up from his bassinet, gently hushing and cooing as he did. Okito calmed down a little but still fused so Dante did the sniff check. Since the test came back clean, he figured he was hungry and sighed, carrying the baby downstairs. One microwaved bottle later, Dante and Okito were headed back up to bed. While he had quieted down, the baby immediately sounded the alarms again the moment Dante tried to put him back down. No matter how carefully or slowly he tried to lower him into the bassinet, that little face would contort again and then the sobs would start. “Okay, okay,” Dante hushed, cradling him. “Hang out with Papa. Papa doesn't need to sleep anyway…”

Since he was already up, and he didn't know if he'd ever get back to sleep now, Dante took Okito with him down to his home office. He figured he could maybe get a bit more programming done for his game while Okito fell back to sleep. Dante slung him up to his chest with a baby wrap and freed his hands for coding. Before he knew it, an hour went by. Okito had been fast asleep for a little bit now, but Dante had mostly forgotten his goal and was absorbed in his work. The thing that finally pulled him from his sleep was the sound of the office door creaking open a tad. Dante whirled his chair around in surprise, instinctively pressing Okito closer to his chest, but quickly dropped his guard. Just in the doorway was a little red head peeking in, eyes wide. “Rowan,” Dante breathed, relaxing himself. “You scared me buddy. Why're you up?” “Couldn't sleep…” Rowan mumbled. Dante sighed and opened his arms. “Bad dream?” Rowan shook his head and stepped forward a bit, but didn't meet Dante's embrace. “Papa. I…um… Can I ask you something?” Dante nodded quickly. “Of course. Just come closer and speak softly. I just got your brother to sleep.” Rowan pursed his lips and shuffled over, coming to stand beside Dante's desk. “What do you want to ask me?” Dante probed. Rowan looked down and away nervously. “You know how I like pink and…and skirts. And I like my hair long?” Dante nodded quickly. “Yeah?” “You and Daddy and Mama…and everyone always told me that's okay and boys can like those things,” Rowan said. “Of course,” Dante said. “Liking things doesn't have to be about gender.” Rowan nodded. “But I… I feel like, maybe… I want to be a girl.” Dante tried not to react too extremely at risk of waking the whole house, but his heart was racing and he couldn't help a big smile breaking across his face. “Yeah? Is that how you feel?” Rowan nodded, finally looking up at Dante with big frightened eyes. “Is that okay?” Dante’s heart swelled. “Of course that's okay. Rowan, however you feel is how you feel. It's you who decides who you are. If that means you're a girl, you're a girl.” A little smile broke on Rowan's lips. “Really?” “Yes, really. Aw, buddy. Come here.” Dante wrapped a free arm around Rowan and pulled his child into his chest, mindful not to squeeze Okito. “Thank you for telling me. I love you.” Rowan gripped Dante's back tightly and he heard a sniffle at his shoulder. “Oh, kid. It's okay,” Dante said, pulling away enough to wipe Rowan's face. “You must be a bit overwhelmed. It's okay. It's okay. Oh, do you want me start calling you she?” Rowan nodded quickly, using her fist to try to wipe her tears away. “…What about Skylar?” “What about Skylar?” Dante asked. “Did she say something?” Rowan shook her head. “No, but… She's the girl. She likes being the girl.” Dante chuckled a little bit. “I know, but… Trust me. Your sister loves you. It'll all work out. I promise.” “You really promise?” Rowan asked. “Yes. Absolutely, I promise,” Dante insisted. “Do you have any other questions for me?” Rowan shook her head. “No… Not right now…” “Okay. Well I've got one.” Dante patted her head. “Do you want me to be quiet about this or do you want me to talk to Daddy and Mama for you?” Rowan wrung the bottom of her pyjama shirt. “…Can you tell them? I don't want to do this again…” “Yes, of course I can. No problem.” Dante was ecstatic, knowing he got to break the news. “But I want to tell Marco and Sky,” Rowan added. “Yes, I think you should. That's fair,” Dante agreed. “Do you want me to be there when you do? Moral support?” “Maybe… I don't know yet.” Rowan sighed. “I…I want to go to bed now.” Dante chuckled a little bit again. “Okay. Come on, I'll tuck you in.” “Okay.” Dante escorted Rowan back to the kids’ room and made sure she was comfortable. Once she was all tucked in, he leaned over and gave her a kiss on the forehead. “Good night, Rowan.” Rowan smiled as she closed her eyes. “Night, Papa.”

The next morning, Ruben got up a little late and headed downstairs. Yori was already up making breakfast in the kitchen with Okito on his back, while Dante was passed out face first at the kitchen table. “What the heck's wrong with him?” Ruben asked, snapping his fingers in front of Dante's face. “Hey, wake up! Are you drunk?” “He's not drunk,” Yori said, working on putting chocolate chips in his pancake mix. “He just stayed up all night so he could make sure that Rowan coming out wasn't just a dream.” “So much for… Wait, Rowan what?” Ruben asked, dumbstruck. “You know how we all knew she was probably a girl?” Yori said. Ruben's jaw dropped. “Rowan came out? Like came out came out?!” Yori nodded. “Mmhm. Last night after Okito woke up.” Sniffling started to come from the head on the table, and Dante slowly started to sit up, tears starting to stream down his face. “And she came out to me!” “Why are you crying?” Ruben asked. “Because! She came out to me! Just me!” Dante blubbered. “You're both so much better with the kids than I am, but she was comfortable coming out to me!” Ruben sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. “Yeah… Well, you probably just got lucky! You were the only one awake! Don't make this about you!” Yori chuckled. “You guys are funny.” Dante reached for Ruben and grabbed him around his waist. “Ruben!” “Yeah, what?” Ruben asked awkwardly. Dante looked up into Ruben's face with sincere eyes. “Our baby came out of the closet!” Ruben exhaled and rubbed Dante's shoulders. “She did…” “What do we do now?” Dante asked. “Do we do something? Do we-do we throw a gender reveal party for her?!” “I mean, isn't that for foetuses?” Ruben asked. Dante shook his head quickly. “No, foetuses can't come out of the closet. It's for trans kids now.” “Well, let's not get ahead of ourselves… We don't know if she's even told Marco and—” That very moment Skylar came barreling down the stairs, dragging Rowan down with her. “I HAVE A SISTER!” she shouted proudly into the kitchen. They'd picked out matching skirts and both had their hair back in hair bands. Their parents couldn't help but laugh a little. “That settles that,” Dante said. Marco came trudging down behind them in a matching outfit as the girls. Ruben raised an eyebrow. “Marco, are we just matching today or…” “Just matching,” Marco said, shrugging. “Skylar said we should.” “Well, you all look great,” Dante said. “Very pretty.” Rowan smiled a little and Skylar beamed at her. “Do a twirl!” Skylar insisted. Rowan put her arms out and twirled on the spot, her skirt fluttering around her like flower petals. She started to giggle and her triplets joined her, twirling about and cheering each other on. “No fair. I want to twirl!” Yori said, putting his mixing bowl down with a huff. “Dante, Ruben! Why don't you own any skirts?” “It's not our fault you refuse to have your own wardrobe,” Dante responded. “Skirts aren't really my thing.” Dante suddenly heard a sniffle and looked up to see Ruben starting to tear up. His partner quickly tried to hide it, wiping his eyes. “Aw, babe…” Dante took Ruben's hand and the other gripped it tightly. “I'm not crying…” Ruben stated. “It's okay. I'm proud too,” Dante said. “I want a skirt!” Yori was saying as he angrily continued mixing his pancake batter. “I want a skirt!” Dante chuckled and sighed getting up. He went over to Rowan and stopped her mid twirl, taking her shoulders gently. “Hey kiddo. What do you think? Should we go clothes shopping today? Maybe get Daddy and Papa some skirts, and maybe a few more things to freshen up your wardrobe?” Rowan beamed up at him. “Really?” “Of course,” Dante said. “Can we get ice cream?” Yori asked excitedly. “You have a meeting, remember?” Ruben reminded. “And you're making chocolate pancakes.” Yori glowered at Ruben. “The meeting will be fast.” His husband sighed. “Okay, maybe after Yori's meeting, we can get ice cream…” Ruben submitted. “Yay!” Skylar swished her hips to make her skirt sway side to side. “Okay, okay. Everyone calm down,” Dante said. “Go…bother your uncle next door until breakfast is ready.” “We gotta tell Zio Lino!” Skylar said, excitedly grabbing Rowan's hand and dragging her to the door. “Skylar, let Rowan tell people when she's ready, okay?” Dante called after them, as the children ran off. He sighed and rubbed his neck. “That kid…” Ruben patted Dante's head. “They'll be fine.” “Dante?” Yori said, slinging Okita around to the front. “Yeah?” “Finish the pancakes. Okito did a poo.” “Ah, okay. Okay.” “I'll set the table,” Ruben offered. “Thank you, babe.” “No problem.”

[johnconstantinejld]

Gotham Tales-Scarecrow

Darkness creeps in. Feel that? It’s one of those times when you feel most helpless. Not just alone, but helpless, utterly futile and losing the battle to remain a big and strong adult. 

The feeling that you’re just a child.

I try it on the Bat family, and it has no affect there. He knows trauma and tragedy. It built him. The others may not have had the same experience, but he broke it into them soon enough. 

Typically, I was using fear to alarm teams and then rig the results, so I won. But not anymore. Consider yourself lucky. You could have been a test subject. You’re not. This is a painless operation. I’ve done it before.

What was I saying? Ah yes, Batman is not afraid of me.

But you…. you’re afraid. Of me.

That’s how I work. I’m unassuming, almost a chartered accountant in appearance, but given the right mode and atmosphere, I trigger something in you.

You’ve already lost because you’ve let some childish thoughts come back. You may be an adult, but those infantile beliefs have returned. What are they? 

Let’s find out.

Gentle sound of gas

You came here to the docks to take control of them tonight, but I’m afraid I was using this factory for my operation. That makes you a common thief. I cannot let you win. Of course, your family is quite rich. Fear holds a man together. It keeps him in balance and stops him doing something too risky. We have the right to take risks, to do scary things, to conquer our fears. When I’m done, you won’t have any fears left. But you won’t have your worst impulses either. You won’t have the glue holding you together. You won’t have anything to stop you. And if you want the antidote, your family won’t have any money.

I also accept flatter. Before you die on me, please…get them to refer to me as Phobos. He was the God of Fear and son of Ares. His brother was Deimos, god of dread. The attendant of the god of war himself. Fear of war, fear of death and despair. Worship me as such whilst you can still focus. Focus! 

I sincerely hope Batman comes soon. I will conquer that fear. The fear of the bat. I will fight it, I will!

Are you still there? How about some history? Pay attention!

In the caves of prehistory, they watched shadows dance on the walls, fearful of the dark outside and behind. They feared of noise, scared that it would awaken a tiger or other such beast sleeping further inside. Fear is as old as that. 

The shadows seem longer now, don’t they?

Afraid to look behind you.

Not so big now, huh? The little boy who went from bullying and kicking stray animals to a trembling little man. Now you know how it feels. A big man, pushing around the little kids. You have big lungs and you got a nice big lung-full. Bit of a downside, isn’t it? Joker may be dead, so I’ll take over the humour part of things. 

Ring-a-ring o’rosies

A pocketful of posies

A-tishoo! A-tishoo!

You’re all falling down.

My, you didn’t last long at all. Note to self: Increase ratios. 

Quite impressively mad, though.

Why, you’re as mad as a resident of Arkham. And the best thing is…

You’ll see more of me there. 

[lovejustforaday]

2023 Year End List - #16

16. We Buy Diabetic Test Strips - Armand Hammer

Main genres: Experimental Rap, Abstract Rap

A decent sampling of: Hardcore Rap, Conscious Rap, Industrial Rap, Political Rap, Cloud Rap

Why yes, I am a white nerdy indie rock fan who is also a big fan of experimental hip hop and loves Billy Woods projects. Shocking, I know.

Armand Hammer have been building a reputation for themselves for a good while now as one of the best 'underground' hip hop projects out there. And it isn't hard to see why.

These dudes are mad creative, spitting rhymes with a nice mix of esoteric wordplay and revolutionary messaging over beats that are always disorienting and challenging. And Billy Woods' disciplined, syncopated flow of sharp wit and bleak observations has a lot of natural chemistry with Elucid's more intuitive and rhythmically jerky, hardcore-meets-abstract style.

Shrines was a highlight of my 2020, spent in a lot of isolation and thinking about the systems that had gotten us to this crummy point in time. Meanwhile, 2021's Haram was a little bit less of a memorable project for me.

As for this one - yeah this one might just be my favourite project from the duo yet.

We Buy Diabetic Test Strips is a melting pot of tricky and eccentric beats, anxious, avant-garde production, and a plethora of lyrical topics ranging from religion to philosophy, race, sexual encounters, hustling under capitalism, and subverting the establishment, turning these ingredients into a viscous, complex bitter juice with the distinctly metallic scent of blood. This mf is dense, more so than probably any other rap album I listened to this year.

JPEGMafia's production work is sprinkled throughout this project. Apparently he used to have beef with these guys? Idk, it's exhausting to keep up with artists dissing other artists, and ol' Peggy seems to have beef with a lot of folks. Regardless, the dudes made up, and this has probably been my favourite year for him appearing on projects, between this and his collab album Scaring The Hoes (which just got snubbed from the honourable mentions, but I'm sure plenty enough people have already written praises for that one for their own year end lists anyway).

Anyhow, let's get on with the track breakdowns.

"Woke Up and Asked Siri How I'm Gonna Die" (song title of the year, obviously) is slick fucking cloud rap, like a soft layer of gossamer gauze obscuring images of carnal sex and the ugly feeling of emptiness. Very rapturous sound design throughout.

"When It Doesn't Start With A Kiss" is a maelstrom of a hip hop track, going from bubbly, uncharacteristically melodic electronic production during Elucid's verse efore being completely submerged in echoing, deep sea depths on Billy's.

A chilling marimba line opens "I Keep A Mirror In My Pocket", which turns into a clangorous changing meter featuring vibraphone, toms and kicks, and periodic alarm sounds coming from some weird-ass sample. Hallucinatory and abrasive all at once, like being haunted by some demonic tinnitus. I could see how this track would be off-putting to some with more sensitive ears, but I am a real masochist for the kind of organized chaos displayed on this track.

"The God's Must Be Crazy" tackles the CIA's involvement in the crack cocaine crisis which wreaked havoc in Black American communities in the late 20th century. The beat jitters with fidgety anxiety, brilliantly recreating the atmosphere of journalists unraveling dangerous, classified truths, nervous addicts that can't sit still, and the general horror of bearing witness to a drug crisis. The wordplay on this is also just godlike. Perhaps their best track yet.

I do think the mid-section kind of totally dominates this record. Tracks 4 through 8 are mostly mind-blowing, but then I'm a bit worn down by the last stretch of tracks, penultimate "Switchboard" notwithstanding, which is definitely another standout cut.

It could definitely also be that I just haven't spent enough time with this one - Armand Hammer's music is like a fine wine with many notes, and it takes time to unravel all of the wordsmithery, old hip hop references, socio-political history, and heavily layered production with multi-faceted beats that resist predictability.

Either way, Armand Hammer are still dishing out some of the craziest beats and flows left and right all over this thing. Nobody could call these guys unoriginal, and I don't see the duo slowing down any time soon. We Buy Diabetic Test Strips proves that Armand Hammer are still one of the most essential acts out there that are really working to keep the world of hip hop music endlessly fresh and groundbreaking.

8/10

Highlights: "The Gods Must Be Crazy", "I Keep a Mirror in My Pocket", "Woke Up and Asked Siri How I'm Gonna Die", "When It Doesn't Start With a Kiss", "Switchboard", "Niggardly (Blocked Call)"

[scripturiends]

gave me no compasses, gave me no signs

Read on ao3

Summary: It was the one time her hunch had been wrong.

In which Han Joonhwi is acting suspicious, and Kang Sol A intends to find out why.

Rating: T

Word count: 3,848

Notes: Title taken from Taylor Swift’s ‘invisible string’: “Time, curious time, gave me no compasses, gave me no signs; were there clues I didn’t see?”

~

As promised, here is the Solhwi fic that I had hoped to be up before Episode 7 airs. I went straight to work after receiving positive feedback from an interest check post. As I mentioned there, the story isn’t necessarily dwelling on the current timeline, but is, for the most part, still canon-compliant. I totally made up all the legal jargon, so please bear with me. And, like the show, I decided to do ‘cutscenes’ instead of one unilinear fic.

I had a lot of fun with this little project for the past two days, so I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I did writing it :) I’d also love to hear your thoughts, please do send me a message or feel free to comment, it would mean the absolute world to me. Thank you and let’s all look forward to Episodes 7 and 8 this week!

The fic is under the cut. As a sidenote, this fic is un-beta’ed. All mistakes are mine.

~

I.

Kang Sol A swears she only drifted off for a second.

She had been burning the midnight oil for the past few days, well into the weekend, so much that the tension was radiating into her atmosphere, so much that the heat was starting to get to her head. Her Civil Code paper may not write itself, but neither could she if it took every ounce of her energy just to even sit up. So she plopped down on her bed, head heavy on her pillow, still fighting the urge to doze off.

She blinked, slowly, and as her eyes fluttered at an alarming rate, they eventually closed — just for a moment, I’ll count to ten and then wake up again — and stilled.

Birds were chirping outside her window when her eyes shot open, and that’s how she knew she messed up big-time. She woke with a start, frantically shaking off the books and papers off her person and frisking for her phone, silently praying that she wasn’t too late for her meeting with her project partner Seo Jiho, who she knows absolutely despises latecomers.

Sol A felt something vibrate from behind her, and an incomprehensible sound escaped her lips as she checked her phone. There were mountains of notifications that prevented her from checking the current time: self-set alarms, e-mails from her professors, reminders about today’s meeting with Jiho, and missed calls from a certain Han Joonhwi.

Clearing all of them at once, she finally reads: 9:07 AM. She was supposed to meet Jiho at 9:15. Sol A breathes a sigh of relief, but her momentary celebration is cut short when her phone starts to ring.

Han Joonhwi was calling again.

She didn’t even get a chance to speak yet when the voice on the other end asked, “Breakfast?”

Sol A put him on speaker phone as she packed up her things. “Can’t,” she replied mindlessly. “I have to meet with Seo Jiho and I’m already late. Eat by yourself.”

A few seconds of silence went unnoticed as Kang Sol A zipped up her knapsack and wore it over her shoulder. She finally picked up her phone and switched back to the handset. “Don’t skip breakfast, you hear me?”

Still nothing. “Joonhwi-ah.”

“Walk fast,” was all he said. And then he hung up.

That caught Sol A off guard, but she heeded the advice anyway.

She made it to the study room at exactly 9:13, only stopping by the entrance to catch her breath and tie her hair back into a ponytail. It was silent, so she half-hoped that no one would be there, but half-expected nothing less from Jiho. So she walks in, footsteps heavy, only skidding to a halt when she sees Jiho staring someone down, someone whose back looked all-too-familiar.

“You like her, don’t you?” she overhears from Jiho. “Kang So-”

Jiho suddenly fell silent at the sight of Sol A, and the man opposite him suddenly turned his head towards her. She was right about who it was — it was none other than the person she spoke with on the phone just a few minutes ago.

If Joonhwi was surprised, he didn’t show it.

But Kang Sol A did. She blinked once, and with a hint of dubiousness, she asked, “Who likes who?”

The men shared a look, and she was met with silence again, which was beginning to irk her. But she bit her tongue, took a seat across Seo Jiho, and grinned cheekily at him. “Sorry I’m late.”

“You aren’t...” Jiho replied, trailing off.

“I am by your standards. I know you,” she said matter-of-factly. “For Seo Jiho, ‘on time’ actually means ‘thirty minutes early’. Which means I’m late.”

Sighing wistfully, Sol A added, “I learned that the hard way.”

She locks eyes with Joonhwi momentarily, but he averts his gaze, expression unreadable. Sol A ignores this and tries her luck once more, eyes flitting from Jiho to Joonhwi and back. “Who were you guys talking about?”

This time, almost with no hesitation, Joonhwi finally spoke up. “No one,” he answered. “My roommate was just practicing his cross-examination skills on me.”

He stood up, giving Seo Jiho a final staredown. “They’re very poor at the moment. Help him out, will you?”

Then, without looking Kang Sol A in the eye, he gave her a soft squeeze on the shoulder, and promptly left.

Sol A’s eyes followed Joonhwi’s back, and stayed there even after he left. His touch lingered on her shoulder like a ghost, but instead of comfort, all she felt was fear. Suspicion. Restlessness. That maybe he was hiding something, and whether it involved her or not, she was keen on finding out just exactly what it was.

II.

“I’m telling you, Yeseul-ah,” Sol A insists. “Something’s up with him.”

They link arms, walking past the school entrance and into the lobby. Jeon Yeseul turns to her, hair falling perfectly into place as she lets out an angelic laugh. God, Sol A thinks. Even her laugh is perfect. But past the admiration for her Aphrodite-like features, Sol A feels like she’s being mocked.

She pouts. “You don’t believe me.”

“I do!” Yeseul defends. “You think he likes Kang Sol B.”

Sol A slides her left hand off Yeseul’s arm and holds her friend’s right one lightly. “So why are you laughing at me, then?”

“Unnie.” Yeseul wraps an arm around Sol A’s shoulder. “Has it ever crossed your mind that maybe Joonhwi-oppa likes you?”

Sol A almost choked on her spit. Of course she’s thought about it — after all, she’s a hundred percent certain that it was the name Kang Sol that slipped from Seo Jiho’s mouth a few days ago. But none of the evidence so far points to it being herself. And anyway, it’s not as if he’s shown any interest in Sol A as a woman. In fact, all he does is tease her. And she’s okay with that. And Sol B already likes Joonhwi. And they seem to be a far better fit than Sol A and Joonhwi. And it’s not like she harbors any romantic feelings for him, either.

She pushes the thought away before it could become bigger.

Sol A denies, deflects, and defends. “That can’t be right.”

“Why not?” her friend challenges.

“Why would he be avoiding me if that were true?” Sol A counters.

“People do that when they feel awkward around their crush,” Yeseul rebuts.

This is starting to feel like a game of chess rather than a conversation between best friends. “I think he’s just scared I’ll tell my roommate or something.” Before Yeseul could say anything else, by some stroke of luck, Sol A spots Joonhwi from her peripheral vision, walking past Lady Justice.

Yeseul smiles kindly at Sol A. She doesn’t doubt its genuineness, but she feels like it’s laced with mischief. “Should we test your theory, then?”

What does that mean?

“Joonhwi-oppa!” Yeseul shouts, waving at him from across the room.

She’s not going to ask him, is she?

Yeseul runs to Joonhwi, a light skip in her step. “I have something to ask you.”

Wait.

“Wait,” escaped from Sol A’s lips, barely a whisper before it started registering on her what Yeseul was about to do. And when it does, she finally sprints. “Jeon Yeseul, wait!”

“Oppa.” Yeseul bats her eyelashes at Joonhwi. Sol A was in tow behind her, feeling small but unsure why.

“Oh, Yeseul-ah,” Joonhwi greets. His eyes lit up at the sight of his friend and classmate.

While it pained Sol A to just sit back and watch, knowing that Joonhwi had been purposefully avoiding her, she let the scene unfold, trusting that Yeseul knew what she was doing.

“You haven’t been going to the study group sessions lately,” Yeseul starts.

Sol A hoped it would get a rise out of him, seeing as he was the one who started the group to begin with, but was barely showing up these days. Instead, all he said was, “The pair project in Civil Code has been holding me up.”

Yeah, right, she thinks. A second-round judicial exam passer and a former police academy student having a hard time in Civil Code? Why do I find that hard to believe?

Sol A scoffs, and Yeseul pinches her side. “Sol-unnie and I are meeting the others for lunch. You should come join us.”

“Ah,” Joonhwi drawled out slowly, as if coming up with an excuse to say no. Sol A expects it to be his next move. “I wish I could, but-”

Knew it.

“Kang Sol B will be there,” Sol A blurts out, fully aware that it’s a total lie. Still, she had to try.

Something in Joonhwi’s mood changed, and his face hardened. Still not making eye contact with Sol A, he excuses himself from Yeseul. “I’ll take a rain check today, okay?”

And without another word, he left again, leaving Sol A with the same emptiness that she had felt in the study room the other day.

Yeseul finally turns to Sol A, crossing her arms. “You’re right. He’s being weird.”

III.

A few more days without Joonhwi’s company, and Sol A was starting to feel its ill effects on her. She hadn’t realized just how much she took him for granted until he was no longer around to challenge her ideas, to annoy her over the littlest of things, to calm her down when she’s freaking out, to be her drinking buddy, to be someone she could tell any and every stupid story to, with the utmost confidence that he’ll keep it to himself or that he wouldn’t belittle her for it.

They’d been through too much together now, and even their fateful first meeting all those years ago didn’t faze him from her. In fact, her little scheme, no matter how deceitful at the time, brought him closer not just to her, but to Byeol, her mom, and to an extent, even Dan.

So what changed? What on earth did Seo Jiho say to him, and what on earth did she walk into, that made him close himself off from her? Proximity may not breed familiarity, but right now she wishes nothing more than to be in his orbit again.

Arguably the worst consequence of the lack of Joonhwi in Sol A’s life right now is having no one to eat with.

During one of her all-nighters at the dorm, she found herself with an intense craving for some ramyeon. She removed her earphones, partly to pull herself back to reality, but mostly to ask her roommate to have a meal with her. As if Sol B would say yes, but it was worth a shot.

“I’m going downstairs for a bite. You wanna come?”

No response, as expected from Kang Sol B. Sol A inwardly rolled her eyes, spinning in her chair to tease her roommate, only to find the desk empty.

She scratched her head while walking, wondering where Sol B could be at this time of night. And without a heads up, too… She was getting worried.

But it seems like her concern was all for naught, because Sol B was right where Sol A was headed.

And she was there with Han Joonhwi.

She was laughing. It was the first time that she saw Sol B laugh, maybe ever, and to see that Joonhwi could be someone who could do that for her, made Sol A feel proud. Like knowing Han Joonhwi was a privilege, not only because of the way he could make people comfortable around him, but also because Sol A had once been on the receiving end of it herself.

She should be relieved. In fact, she should be happy. Because it means that her guess was right, which means she doesn’t have to keep digging anymore. She could just tell Joonhwi that his secret’s safe with her, and they could finally go back to the way they were before... Right?

And yet something about witnessing the pair interact as a mere bystander didn’t sit right with Sol A. There’s a pang in her chest that she can’t quite comprehend — maybe she just misses him, or maybe it’s something else completely. Because if Han Joonhwi has feelings for Kang Sol B, and they’re together right now, then that leaves only one explanation: he must be avoiding her, and for a completely different reason.

It was the first time her hunch had been wrong.

Needless to say, Sol A lost her appetite and trudged back upstairs lifelessly, a bitter taste in her mouth and an ache in her stomach that she couldn’t quite place where it even came from.

IV.

Come Friday, Sol A was too exhausted to even think about Han Joonhwi. Between the endless deadlines and papers to write, her job in the copy room, and the Seo Byungju case, her energy had been too depleted and her social battery too worn out to even care that her relationships could be falling apart.

The only thing she has going for her now is the Legal Clinic, the one place where she could bury her nose deep in case digests and law readings and she would absolutely never get tired of it, because it’s the one place where she feels like she’s making a real difference, especially when people’s lives are at stake. It was the remaining part of her life where Sol A felt like she was in control, so these days, all her emotionally-charged passion was focused on this one thing.

But of course that had to fall apart too, when Professor Yang asked for her to stay after class.

He cut right to the chase. “I’ll be meeting with my defense lawyer today so I need you to consult with the client in my stead.”

Count on Yangcrates to always give Sol A a heart attack in under two seconds.

“M-me?” she stuttered.

The professor’s face twitched, ever-so-slightly, which Sol A took as a sign to backtrack and confidently proclaim that she’s up to the task. She knows there’s nothing Yang Jonghoon hates more than a quitter.

“Ah, yes, of course,” she accedes, with a little more verve.

He nods once in her direction. “And take Han Joonhwi with you,” he commanded.

She’s doomed. Not that she wasn’t doomed before, but now that Professor Yang had to drag her personal life into this, she was really in shambles.

Sol A clears her throat. “With all due respect, Sir,” she laughs nervously, “don’t you trust me?”

Professor Yang takes a moment to think about it. Sol A wonders if today’s the day she finally gets a definitive answer. But Yangcrates is as sly as ever. “This is your chance to get back at him for the Bad FaMa case. Make him your assistant this time.”

He walks away, leaving Sol A dumbfounded once again, but not before he adds, “Under my orders, of course.”

Sol A’s knees buckled at the thought. Normally, she would find this predicament to be absolutely funny, a chance to bicker with Joonhwi and learn something from him at the same time. But he’s angry at her, and she doesn’t even know why, and even merely approaching him has turned into a problem.

Everything in Sol A’s life right now is a problem. She wonders if it's getting Joonhwi back that would fix everything.

Upon leaving the classroom, she spots him getting a drink from the vending machine. She has to slap herself twice, just to mentally prepare herself, to muster up the courage to approach him again.

“Come on, Sol,” she whispers to herself. “This isn’t hard.”

Shaking off the nerves, she takes a step forward, but in a momentary state of weakness, takes another step back. “So what if he’s mad? That’s his problem. I’ve never given him a reason to be angry. He should suck it up. Not me. Come on. Just do it.”

A step forward.

“Just do it.”

A step back.

“Goddamn it.”

One final step back to boost herself forward, and she’s running towards him, pretending to be as casual as possible. “Han Joonhwi!” she calls out to him.

His eyes widen at the sight of her, knowing he has nowhere to escape.

“Did you get my text? Professor Yang needs our help at the Legal Clinic.” She smiled at him. “Let’s go.”

Joonhwi scratched the back of his head, and Sol A just knows it’s about to be another lame excuse. “I can’t. I’m meeting Sol B for our Civil Code term paper.”

He can’t even look at her, and Sol A wonders just how bad she had hurt Joonhwi for him to feel like this towards her. But that only lasted for a second, when she realized just exactly what he said. Then, her pity turned into irritation, as she accused, “Liar.”

Sol A crossed her arms, and glared at Joonhwi. “Did you forget that I’m her roommate? She went home today.”

V.

Sol A sat across Joonhwi inside the Legal Clinic, her eyes narrowed to slits. A profound silence enveloped the room, interrupted only by a sharp inhale from her.

“You like Kang Sol B, don’t you?”

The only response she got was Han Joonhwi’s signature smirk, playful and taunting, one that said, ‘You don’t know me, and you never will’.

She hated that.

She slammed a hand on the table, and pointed at him accusingly. “Don’t look at me like that. I would have kept your secret if you just asked. Is that why you were avoiding me? Because you think I’d tell her or something?”

The same smile painted on his face, Joonhwi exhaled defeatedly. “Kang Sol A, I thought I taught you to never make any claims with unfounded bases.”

An eyebrow perched up on Sol A’s end. “It’s not unfounded,” she argues.

“Where’s your evidence, then?” he dared her.

Sol A had been waiting for this. She listed everything he had ever done — or refused to do, which was spend time with her, speak to her, or even look at her, which was absolutely the bare minimum — since the incident with Seo Jiho up to this very moment.

He waves his hand dismissingly. “That’s all speculative.”

If his goal was to rile her up, then it’s definitely working. “Then what about what I heard Seo Jiho tell you that one time? And most importantly, you straight up lied to my face.”

“Circumstantial,” he quips. “That would never hold up in court, especially not when the only witness is yourself. How are you going to be both the defense lawyer and the sole witness?”

Han Joonhwi should be at the edge of the precipice here, and yet he has managed to flip the situation over and turn it into an interrogation for Kang Sol A.

Nothing can hide her frustration anymore. “I would never be the lawyer in my own case. Look, it’s still evidence. You asked, and I gave it. Seriously, Han Joonhwi, what’s with you?”

Instead of a direct answer, he points out, “You rely on your emotions too much.”

Almost immediately, she shoots back, “And you rely on the law too much. This isn’t a courtroom. This is a human conversation.”

He purses his lips, unable to say anything, and Kang Sol A continues. “You’re too stubborn.”

“And you’re too nosy.”

“You’ve benefited from it more than once.” Sol A’s patience is getting thinner by the second. “Can’t you just tell me what I did so that I can either apologize for it or call you out for being wrong?”

“You and Sol B are hardly friends. What reason would I have to be afraid?” Amusement gleamed in Joonhwi’s eyes; Sol A was astounded by how he could stay so nonchalant about this. “Think.”

She glared at him, but still ceded. Damn his tenacity. “Fine, I’ll play along.”

She rolled her eyes, and in a blasé manner, started to think out loud. “I overheard Jiho ask you if you liked Kang Sol, and then you started avoiding me. Yeseul asked you to join us for lunch, and when I said Sol B would be there, even though she really wasn’t, you declined. So I thought it was her that you liked. But it doesn’t make sense, because I saw you two hanging out at the cafeteria that one night-”

His arrogant expression changed to one of shock. “You did?”

“-and then you straight up lied to me about your plans. Unless you two are already dating-”

“We’re not,” he interrupts once more. Sol A eyes him with suspicion. “We’re not,” he repeats indignantly.

“-it could only mean that you do like Kang Sol…”

Joonhwi starts slowly nodding, face a little flushed, but somehow urging her on to continue.

“...just not B. You like-”

“Kang Sol A.” Professor Yang enters the room, calling out her name.

She’s sure her professor asked her to do something, but she was unmoved. At this point, she doesn’t think anything could pull her out of her reverie for the rest of the day.

A veil that covered her eyes was lifted, and she had never been so pitiful of the blindfold that Lady Justice wore. The scales Kang Sol A carried, as heavy as the burdens she was facing, balanced with Han Joonhwi holding them up with her. She wanted nothing more than to take his hand right at that moment, to feel the heaviness in its entirety, and thank him for staying anyway.

They don't talk for the rest of the day, but Kang Sol A is unbothered.

Her questioning attitude may have always gotten her in trouble in school, but this was the one time she was glad to be wrong.

Epilogue

Han Joonhwi fell asleep on his desk again.

He normally finishes up all his revisions early, but because of his agitation, the cold table seemed to be more inviting than the bed, where he simply ends up tossing and turning.

Despite the stiff neck it was bound to cause, he’s been doing it for days, only being woken up by his constant 8:30 alarms. This time, however, it was his gracious roommate Seo Jiho who finally interrupted him from his slumber.

Jiho slammed a sealed instant ramyeon pack on Joonhwi’s desk. He groggily looked up at his friend, whose hair was still disheveled, and asked, “What’s this?”

“It’s from Kang Sol A.” Before walking away, he deadpanned, “Do your own bidding next time. I’m not your messenger.”

Joonhwi took the cup ramyeon, spotting the bright yellow sticky note on it, not unlike the ones he’d put on Sol A’s notebook, or occasionally, her forehead. He smiled to himself as he read the message, walking out to heat up some water for breakfast, but not before carefully displaying the note on his bulletin board for the whole world to see.

Han Joonhwi,

For a second-round judicial exam passer, you can be so dense.

I like you back, you idiot.

Now stop sulking and have breakfast with me.

Idiot.

~

Send me your thoughts/fic requests here!

[joheunsaram]

To Make A Power Couple - 02 (knj)

Chapter 2 - Pizza and Life Chats

THIS IS A REPOST SINCE I LOST ACCESS TO MY OLD ACCOUNT. PLEASE FOLLOW THIS BLOG FOR UPDATES ON THIS SERIES.

previous | masterlist | next

Summary- Namjoon and Y/N go on their first date, and Namjoon is whipped.

word count- 5k

pairing- idol!namjoon x ceo!reader

rating- pg13 for now

genre- series, fluff, eventual smut, strangers2lovers

warnings- mentions of hangovers and panic attacks, tooth-rottingly fluffy

a.n- okay here’s the second part! I wrote this up fairly quickly (don’t expect this to be the norm!). This part I wanted to kind of address the stress of overworking as a young adult (GUILTY 🙋🏻‍♀️) so sorry if it gets a little serious at parts. I also wanted to switch it up so it’s from Namjoon’s perspective. I hope you enjoy it. SOFT JOON BEING A BIG OLD SOFTY.

Feedback much appreciated! 💕

taglist - @beach-bitch-bitch-beach​, @sassyuniversitytacopeanut

-

Namjoon woke up startled as his phone alarm rang. He was groggy and his splitting headache made him nauseous. “I’m never going to drink again”, he mumbled. He groaned as he got off the couch he had crashed on the night before, trying not to trip over Taehyung who seemed to be dozing happily on the floor as he made his way to his room. He hadn’t stayed at the dorms in a while, preferring the quiet solitary of his own apartment nowadays, and with his hangover in full swing he felt like he was walking through a stranger’s house.

Last month was hell. He had procrastinated on his songs and none of the vocal guides were even halfway done before the due date. Every time he tried to finish a song a new one would pop up in his head and he would start on that, leading to a hard drive full of files labelled “finish soon” and “draft”, and a notebook full of scratched out scribbles. It was like his brain had decided to abandon him, deciding it had had enough of his perpetual melancholy. He had felt drained and burnt out, a husk with no creative juices left. Luckily, Yoongi and a few of the producers had taken pity on his stressed out state and lent a hand so he had been able to finish the bare minimum three days ago - before the label pressured him further. He was never more grateful for a small break.

In all honesty, he needed a way to jumpstart his brain, and get out of the routine of home, practice, meetings, studio, home. Sometimes, he almost wished he didn’t have the success he had so he could go out and let loose a little - a club, a party, anything. But the last time he went somewhere like that he got swarmed and the police had to be involved. He couldn’t risk that, not after the trouble Big Hit went to threaten media outlets a year and a half ago, when he was caught with what they called a hickey, but was actually a stress rash.

As he brushed his teeth today, however, he smiled at the mirror. Last month may have been terrible, but last night was one of the best he’d had in the past year.

When he had heard Bang PD’s team talk about how they were attending the charity gala as he met them for notes on his songs, he was intrigued. He had read about this non-profit in the paper before. They seemed to be helping bridge the gap between people through communication and that spoke to him. So much so that he had scrolled through their website multiple times, reading testimonials and almost memorizing the mission statement. They wanted to help kids learn English for free so they could communicate globally. He really liked the idea. It was hard for him to learn the language as a kid and he knew that the only reason he became as fluent as he is from the tutors his parents paid for and his obsession with American television and music. Although he didn’t need the tutoring anymore, he did enjoy talking to the in-house tutor at the company, John, from time to time and improving his skills. The fact that this company wanted to add a John to every school in Korea starting from the rural areas, made Namjoon want to meet the man behind the movement. Little did he know, he’d be meeting the girl who’d shift his idea of the ideal.

He had never been more glad to have convinced his company to let him and the boys attend an event. He had initially suggested it as a way to break the mundane before their comeback practices started and network while supporting a cause he liked. Two days ago, he wouldn’t have guessed it would have been an actual fun night leading to him nursing a headache.

He spent the next hour reliving last night as he showered and caught up on the news. He also read the messages he sent last night over a hundred times and had butterflies each time. Wasn’t he too old for butterflies? He wanted to message you again but every time he tried, he ended up overthinking it. Everything sounded forced or cheesy, and it was worse than any writer’s block. He threw his phone on the bed in frustration watching it bounce and land on the floor, before he grabbed it and pocketed it. Hopping around to get rid of his nerves, he decided to take a break from rereading the thread he already had memorized and check in with everyone. If his hangover was this bad he couldn’t imagine theirs.

Making his way back to the living room he found Taehyung now sitting on the floor, sleep still very evident on his features as he yawned and groaned. On the couch next to him sat Yoongi, holding an iced americano and staring into space. The rest were missing but he could hear a blender annoyingly whizzing in the kitchen.

“How’re you guys feeling this morning?” He asked as he sat across from Yoongi.

“This is why I don’t drink. Why did no one stop me?” Taehyung whined as he rose from the floor to leave, massaging his head.

“We tried. You were very excited to try all the disgustingly sweet drinks the hot bartender was making for you.” Yoongi replied with a sigh. “How was your date, Namjoon? You glad I forced you to go to the bar to talk to her?” he snickered, sipping his coffee before exhaling loudly in contentment.

“Honestly, I owe you big time. She was… amazing. I don’t think I’ve talked to someone that comfortably in a while” Namjoon sighed wistfully.

“I’ll add cupid to my resume,” he deadpanned. “Is she tolerating you for another date?”

“Yeah. We’re getting dinner on Tuesday, but I want to message her now. Argh!” He ran his hands over his face in frustration. “What do I even say? ‘Hi I’m the guy who was too scared to kiss you all night so you had to do it for him, what’s your favourite colour?’” Namjoon was annoyed at himself. It’s bad enough that he was having writer’s block in his music, did he have to have it for something as simple as texting too? This was ridiculous!

“Or you could just ask her how’s her hangover today. Jeez! Do I have to draft each of your messages? Stop being a dumbass and text the person you like.” Yoongi scoffed, clearly over Namjoon’s sudden and uncharacteristic insecurities.

Namjoon gave a resigned sigh as he reached for his phone and wrote out exactly what Yoongi suggested. Hey, he was his hyung for a reason - he had a full 6 months of life experience on him.

Namjoon: Hey! Hope your hangover is not too bad today.

As soon as the message was sent, he started getting nervous. Tapping his foot incessantly while he stared at his phone, willing it to buzz, annoying Yoongi enough to leave him alone on the couch in the process.

Y/N: Hi to you too! I actually don’t get hangovers so I’m doing great lol. What about you?

Namjoon: What do you mean you don’t get hangovers?

Y/N: I don’t know. Can’t get dehydrated if you’re always dehydrated!

Namjoon: That… makes no sense. Do I need to start reminding you to drink water?

Y/N: Only if you’re better than this app on my phone…

Namjoon: I can guarantee you I’m better than any app on this planet.

Y/N: Wow. Big claims! We’ll have to put it to the test I suppose.

Y/N: You never told me how you’re feeling. Oh and how’s Taehyung? Is he okay?

Namjoon: He’s doing fine. Made a pact to never drink again and if i’m being honest, I’m going to join him. I am shocked that your head is not exploding as well.

The messages continued easily after that, filled with updates of each other’s activities, playful flirting and even photos of dinner. By the time Monday rolled around, you had been messaging each other constantly, with no end to the conversation in sight and the only long pauses being when you were both asleep or working. It seemed like you would never run out things to talk about. Namjoon hadn’t messaged someone this frequently since he got out of his last relationship. It felt nice to relay his mundane day to day events to someone and he found himself excited to hear about your mundane, like how you decided to mix two different types of bad coffee blends to make a shockingly worse one. He was surprised again at how fast he felt comfortable around you. It was even starting to scare him a little - he only knew you for three days and it felt like he had known you forever! What was this weird spell you had on him?

The conversation Monday, however, was fairly sparse, and Namjoon was eager to set up plans for the next day, so that night he decided to call you.

After the first three rings, he was overthinking his decision. Maybe it was too soon to call? Maybe you didn’t like talking on the phone? What if it went to voicemail? Would he have to leave a message? What would he say? His inner monologue was quickly halted at the sound of your voice.

“Hello, this is Y/N” you sounded distant, almost too formal. He felt nervous.

“Hi… uh… this is Namjoon. Is this a bad time?”

“Oh Namjoon! Sorry I didn’t check who called when I picked up!” Relief washed over him at the change of your tone. “Sorry one sec can you hold on.” he heard you say as your voice got mumbled. He waited while he heard you talk to someone about proposals and deadlines. Were you still at work? He checked his watch - it was 10 pm. He didn’t know whether to be impressed by your work ethic or worried that you were overworking.

“Hi sorry about that! How are you?” He relaxed at your airy tone and smiled.

“I’m good. Are you still at work?”

“Yeah it’s only like 7 so it’s no big deal. I usually leave around 8” Were you serious?

“Y/N… It’s 10:04…” He was shocked at how nonchalant you sounded, and suddenly he had his answer - he was worried, not impressed. He had known you for three days and already you were setting his caretaker alarm off. He wanted to scold you for being careless and overworking, like he’s used to doing for the boys, but he knew it was too soon. He doesn’t even know why he’s feeling that way all of a sudden and tried to suppress his protective instincts.

“No it’s not! It’s…” He could hear your voice going further away as he imagined you moving the phone in front of you to check the time. “Oh shit you’re right. What the hell? Okay sorry I’m gonna put you on hold again.” Before he could say anything he heard your voice again, distant again but loud. “Oh my god. Guys, it’s 10pm. Go home! Why did nobody tell me? No it doesn’t matter we can do that tomorrow. Please go home. Pack up now! You too Siwon, don’t worry I’ll go home after I get off the phone. See you!” He smiled at the sternness of your tone - it reminded him of a teacher dismissing class.

“Sorry about that. I didn’t realize I overworked my team. Had to send the troops home” you laughed and Namjoon felt his heart flutter.

“I don’t wanna keep you from going home. I can call you back once you get there,” he offered. He felt bad that you were staying in an empty office on his account.

“Oh don’t worry about it. It was a lie to get Siwon off my back. I’m probably gonna be here till like 1 or something. I still have to get this done” you said matter-of-factly, like it was the most normal thing in the world. He knew that tone fairly well, having used it multiple times himself when he locked himself in his studio, running on nothing but coffee and energy bars.

“Okay I know we’ve only just met and we have our first date tomorrow, but do you want some company?” He asked before he could stop himself. The line was silent for a bit, and he felt self conscious, scared that he had overstepped and driven you away. Before he could check his phone to see if you had hung up you spoke.

“It’d be pretty boring for you to watch me just type away. Are you sure? It’s pretty late.” He was sure his cheeks would hurt from how wide he smiled.

“It’s not a problem at all. I was going to work tonight too.” He wasn’t. “We can just work together. I’ll bring food. Did you eat yet?” his words tumbled over each other.

“How very college of you.” He could hear you giggling on the line. “Now that I think about it - I’m starving.”

“Okay text me the address, I’ll be there soon.”

He had never been this excited to pretend to work.

He spotted you as he walked through the doors of the 13th floor, pepperoni pizza in hand. You were sitting at a long desk near the middle of the room. He was surprised as he expected you in an office, but he found you typing away at your desktop. Your hair was tied up in a bun and you were dressed in an oversized beige t-shirt, eyebrows furrowed head bopping to the hip hop track playing through the speakers. You seemed to be in your own little world. He felt like he was spying on you as he leaned against the door watching but he also liked seeing how you acted when you thought no one was watching. He was about to announce his presence when the track changed to a Childish Gambino one and you whooped and started to rap along.

You were now fully head banging and rapping the verse at the top of your lungs. He would be impressed by your fairly good amateur skills if he didn’t find the entire scene so endearing. His heart was doing somersaults as he watched you now fully engrossed in the song, typing forgotten as you got up and started to pretend you were on stage, an imaginary mic in your hand asking haters if they “eatin’ though”. You looked so adorable that he couldn’t help but squeal a little “cute!”

That’s when you saw him, eyes wide. He felt a little bad when he saw how embarrassed you looked, immediately stopping and slapping a hand to your mouth before bursting out in nervous laughter. He could write a whole album with that laugh. Oh he was so whipped, he thought to himself as he made his way to you.

“You know you’re not half bad!” He exclaimed as he set the pizza on the table, pulling a chair next to yours and settling down.

“Do you think your fake compliments will save you from the fact that you were spying on me?” you asked, crossing your hands across your chest, pretending to scowl but failing to do so.

“First, real compliment. Second, would pizza save me?” He opened the box and proudly smiled, loving the way your eyes lit up as you reached for a slice.

“Yes it will!” you exclaimed as you took your first bite, lightly moaning at the taste. “But erase that memory from your brain please.”

“Nope. Never. It was the cutest thing I’ve ever seen and I’m going to save it forever” he said as he also started on his slice. You pouted up at him, cheeks puffed and it took all the self-control he had to not kiss it off your face. He hadn’t felt this way in so long, it was like you were his first crush. Trying to control his pulse, he asked “What are you working on so late?”

“Oh I have a proposal due for a meeting tomorrow at noon and I’m only halfway through it,” you frowned wistfully at the screen as if willing it to type on its own.

“Can I help?” He asked, knowing fully well that he couldn’t. He just had an overwhelming urge to make that frown disappear.

“You being here is help enough,” you smiled sincerely as you looked at him and he felt his heart explode, a blush creeping on his cheeks as he smiled bashfully. “What are you working on?”

“I have a few songs I have to finish the lyrics for. Been procrastinating” he rubbed the back of his neck as he pulled out the notebook from his back pocket.

“Can I help?” you echoed his question to which he echoed your response grinning. He wasn’t lying though. Even though he had planned to not really work, as the night progressed he found the change from his usual writing spot inspiring. Sitting next to you, the sound of the keyboard clicking was soothing leading to words pouring out of him. He filled pages as he stole glances at you concentrating on your proposal, tongue peeking from between your lips, still bobbing to the music which was now playing from your airpods instead of the speakers. He smiled at the sight, before focusing on his notebook.

After about an hour or so of hard work, he finished three songs that he had allotted himself the whole week to do. This was the most productive hour he had all month. Antsy for a break, he looked over at you and found you staring at him, a hand under your chin. As he met your gaze you smiled.

“You’re really hot when you concentrate. Has anyone ever told you that?” you commented. He was taken aback by your remark, heart fluttering at your smirking face. Not missing his chance and spurred on by the comment, he scooted closer in one sweep till your knees touched and you were face to face.

“You’re one to talk. I couldn’t stop looking at you this past hour.” Gazing into your eyes, he was amused to see your smirk disappear as it was now your turn to be shocked. He reached out and tucked a stray hair behind your ear letting his hand linger, enjoying the way you sighed as he did. “Can I make good on my promise now?” He whispered, his face centimeters away, looking at your lips. The way you bit your lower lip made him want to take you there and then. The desk looked big enough. Hell, even if it wasn’t he could make it work.

“Promise?” you whispered as he watched your eyes flutter to his lips.

“To kiss you first…” Too impatient to wait for your answer, he brought his lips to yours, relishing how soft they felt under his own. He was thrilled at you returning the kiss, deepening it as you grabbed the collar of his shirt to bring him closer just like you did after the party. He was beginning to think this was your signature move, and he’d be lying if he said it didn’t immensely turn him on. He moved his hand cupping your face to rest on your neck and he could feel your heartbeat mimicking his. He put his other hand around your waist pulling you closer, wanting to be as close to you as he could get. He traced his tongue over your lips, his head cloudy with endorphins as you opened your mouth inviting him in. He had never tasted something so euphoric, his tongue exploring yours in a rush.

He could feel you pushing forward as he leaned back and allowed you to straddle his lap, your legs on either side of the chair. As soon as you were on his lap, he pulled you closer, both arms around on your hips, your chest flushed with his. He kissed the side of your mouth as he made his way down your jaw to your neck. You smelt like vanilla mixed with a fresh flower garden, and he was sure this smell was better than any drug in the world. He could hear your breathy moans as he sucked where your neck met your collarbone, licking to soothe it before moving further. He wanted to taste all of you. Your hands were in his hair and each tug made him groan into you, making him harder. He could kiss you like this forever. He wanted to save this moment so he could come back to it and relive it. He traced his hands up and down your sides, moving under your shirt but remaining on your waist, enjoying the feel of your soft skin.

“Namjoon… Namjoon… slow down” he heard you say breathlessly as he felt a slight push. He looked up at you, your eyes half lidded and lusty as you grabbed his face and brought it to yours. You were sending him mixed signals, but he didn’t care as long as he could keep kissing you.

“We have to slow down or I’m going to want to fuck you right here.” You whined as you both came back up for air, but you kissed him again nevertheless. Hearing you say that made him want to do anything in his power to make that happen.

“I don’t mind, baby,” he said against your lips, kissing you with urgency, biting your lower lip and pulling it gently to elicit another moan from you. To his disappointment, you seemed to have better self-control than him as you pushed him back, both of you panting as you struggled to catch your breath. He moved his hand back to your hips tracing little circles, feeling comforted by you smoothing his hair you had pulled earlier.

“There are cameras here. I’d rather not make a sex tape on our first date.” You giggled as you pointed to the black sphere in the corner of the room. He had never hated the obsession buildings had for security more, but the crudeness of your comment made him laugh. He had almost forgotten this was your first date, it felt like he had kissed you a thousand times before. You tasted like the relief of an awning in the middle of a summer downpour.

“I think we need to cool down,” you say as you climb off of his lap. “Let’s go.”

He followed you as you led him to the little kitchenette near the end of the room, unable to resist the urge to wrap his hands around your waist in a back hug. He knew he was being too clingy for a first date, but the way you giggled and put your hands over his gave him assurance.

“Lemonade, coke, or water,” you asked as you peered into the fridge.

“You.” He smirked kissing your neck, feeling bold off of the high from your makeout session.

“Joon!” you pretended to sound scandalized as you turned in his arms, smiling warmly. The nickname made his heart swell. It added a familiarity that he didn’t know he missed from you.

“You haven’t called me Joon before. I like it” he smiled as he pecked your lips.

“Hey! We are cooling down! No kissing! Now pick” you chided and Namjoon couldn’t help but wonder if you were this assertive in bed too, a million scenarios playing in his head. Okay, you were right, he needed to cool down.

“I’ll just have water, thanks,” he said as he grabbed the bottle you passed him, opening and gulping half of it. He hadn’t realized how thirsty he was for something other than you. You both made your way to the tables, sitting across from each other.

“So did you finish your proposal?” He asked trying to cool himself but failing as he noticed you running the cold water bottle against your neck, the beads of condensation dripping on your shirt. He cleared his throat as he tried to focus his attention on your eyes, a mantra of stay focused playing in his head.

“Yes! Finally! It’s perfect.” you smiled proudly and somehow he felt a wave of pride too. “What about you? Made any progress?”

“Actually yes. I kind of finished my entire week’s writing in that one hour” he was still amazed by his own progress.

“Okay, Mr Overachiever” you joked and he chuckled.

“To be honest, I didn’t think I’d be able to write anything, but I don’t know your presence is kind of soothing. It helped me focus.” Watching your smile grow wide, he continued, “I’ve been having pretty severe burnout this past month and it has just been hard to put down my thoughts, even non-lyrical ones.” He fidgeted with the water bottle as he looked at it, avoiding eye contact.

He didn’t know why he was telling you this. He recalled when he told you about his struggles as a leader during your first conversation. Somehow being around you led him to vomit out his feelings. It was… unlike him. Namjoon was usually not this honest on dates, or relationships, as much as he would hate to admit it. That’s the reason he broke off his last one. He felt bad lying to her about a busy schedule when he just wanted to be alone. She would have understood, she was kind and thoughtful, but it just felt easier to lie and not put the effort in to explain his thoughts. Even when they broke up, he lied and told her that it was because he couldn’t handle being in a relationship at the moment, when in reality things had cooled off a while ago and he felt guilty as his feelings faded.

He felt your hand reach out and grab one of his, intertwining your fingers. He felt comforted by the gesture as you rubbed your thumb across him before you spoke two words that warmed his heart. “I understand.”

“You know it’s hard to work at full speed all the time. It’s okay to not be at a hundred all the time. The valleys feed the peaks” you continued. It was a simple remark, but it sounded surprisingly poetic to him. He hadn’t felt this understood outside of the boys for a long time. It was refreshing. It was terrifying. He resisted his natural urge to run and hide.

“Are you speaking from experience?” he asked, needing to divert the attention away from his own vulnerabilities.

“Yeah. I had it pretty tough a couple of years ago. Too much pressure from myself, too many expectations. Led to too many vices and panic attacks” you shrugged as you continued and he squeezed your hand to comfort you. “It creeps up from time to time but my therapist and I have it handled” He looked at you in awe. You hadn’t given him a throwaway answer or switched the limelight back at him. You wasted no time in being as vulnerable as him, if not more. He knew at that moment that regardless of where this thing went, he wanted you to know you better.

“Thank you for being honest.” He brought your hand to his lips and kissed it gently. It was an intimate gesture but he wanted you to know how much he appreciated your words - how much he appreciated you - in that moment. You both sat in comfortable silence for a little while, playing with each other’s hands that were still intertwined, till one of you yawned loudly causing the other to giggle. With the weight of the conversation lifting, you both fell back into playful banter as you decided to pack up and call it a night.

“Do you want me to walk you to your car?” Namjoon asked, wanting to drag the night on longer despite it already being almost 2 am.

“Don’t judge me but I actually don’t know how to drive. I was just going to cab back.” he saw you giggle bashfully as you pulled your backpack over your shoulders.

“Oh, no judgment here! Me neither” he laughed. Why does everyone think it is such a big deal to not drive? It’s better for the environment! “Do you want to take one together? I don’t really want you to ride alone this late.” He rubbed the back of his neck, hoping he didn’t come off as if he was trying to dictate what you did.

“I’d really like that,” you said as you walked towards the elevators. He held your hand as you both got on, liking the way you moved closer to him at that.

In the cab you both sat closer than necessary, his arm wrapped around you as you both made plans for your scheduled date later that day, trying not to doze off. When the cab stopped all too soon at your apartment, he kissed you gently as he told you how much he enjoyed your company.

That night laying in bed, his heart felt full as he read your goodnight message. He was sure of it now. He really wanted you in his life.

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[raeandwhatnot]

Hold Your Breath- Alive!Luke Patterson Imagine

Summary: You have a big test coming up, but what happens if the test happened earlier than expected?

Warnings: anxiety attack

Words: 3.8k

Masterlist

A/N: Hello, I am thinking of taking requests for imagines. So far, I’ve only done Luke/Charlie. However, I attached a masterlist that shows everything I am comfortable writing so far. For marvel, I can try to write for other superheroes, so that way I can learn how to write for them. But yeah, if you want me to write something, request away! I will say, I'm in college so it will take a bit. Alrighty, enjoy this imagine! 

Beep beep beep

I wake up to the annoying noise that is my alarm clock. It was already 6:45? I barely got any sleep last night from studying for the upcoming history test. I hate taking tests, so I stress myself out by studying as much as I can so I can get a good grade. I sit up on my bed to see my textbook and papers laid out around me. I turn to my alarm and shut it off. I grab my phone from my night stand to see that Reggie texted me.

Hey, I’m going to be a little late picking you up today. I’ll be over around 7:45. See ya soon- Reg

I reply with a simple okay to let Reggie know that I got the message. I collect my textbook and papers and place them on the night stand. I didn’t feel like getting 100% ready. I walk to the bathroom and turn on the light to see what the damage looked like. My hair was a mess and I had major bags under my eyes. I brush my (Y/H/C) hair and put it in a messy bun. I decided I was going to do extra light makeup today. I normally do a natural look, but today I was going extra natural. I put some concealer under my eyes so I don’t look scary. I then put some mascara and eyebrows. I quickly brush my teeth so I don’t have to look at my reflection anymore. Once I finish in the bathroom, I walk back to my room to put on different clothes. Even though I felt like absolute crap and didn’t even feel like putting on jeans, I knew my friends would realize something was wrong if I didn’t wear jeans. I changed the shirt I slept in into a graphic band tee, and I changed from shorts to jeans. To finish the outfit, I put on my checkered vans. I grab textbook and papers from my night stand and put it in my backpack.

After zipping my backpack, I took a deep breath to try to calm me down. I could feel my heart picking up its pace as I was stressing about going to school. I don’t do well when I don’t get a goodnights rest. This past week, I haven’t been getting enough sleep and it is now starting to hit me. I tried to remind myself that it was a Thursday and that I have one more day to study before the test. I took another deep breath and shake my hands to try to get the stress out of me a little bit. I grab my backpack and head to the kitchen for breakfast.

When I get to the kitchen, I place my backpack near the kitchen table. I wasn’t entirely all that hungry, so I just grab a bagel and put it in the toaster. I get the cream cheese from the fridge and wait for my bagel to finish toasting. I suddenly hear a knock at the door. I furrow my brows and look at my phone. It was 7:40. I guess I was having a quicker morning than I thought. I walk to the door and open it to see Reggie. “Hey, (Y/N)!” Reggie smiled.

I smile back, “Hi, Reggie. I’m just heating up a bagel real quick. Come on in.” I step to the side so Reggie can walk in. He nods and steps through the door. I close it behind him as I hear my bagel pop out of the toaster.

“How has your morning been?” Reggie asks as we both walk to the kitchen.

“It’s been alright. I’m a little tired from studying last night,” I say while spreading cream cheese on the bagel.

Reggie leans against counter, “But (Y/N/N), you’ve been studying all week!”

“I know, I know. I just want to do well!” I exclaim.

“Is that why you haven’t come to Julie and the Phantoms rehearsals recently?” Reggie questions. Even though Reggie can be a bit of an airhead, he does notice a lot of things about his friends.

“Maybe,” I mumble as I finish spreading the cream cheese and put it back in the fridge.

Reggie steps over to me and grabs my shoulders to stop me from moving. “(Y/N), you are going to be fine! You always do good enough on your tests,” he says.

I slightly smile at his comforting words, “Thanks, Reg.” Reggie smiles and drops his hands from my shoulders. I grab my bagel and backpack. “Okay, I’m ready to go now!”

“Sweet,” Reggie says. “Also, sorry for being late! I was fixing my amp in the rain last night. I think it messed up my car a little bit, so I had to have my dad jump my car.”

I slowly take a bite out of my bagel listening to Reggie’s explanation. “I don’t think you should be doing that, but okay,” I whisper as we walk to Reggie’s car. We climb in the car at the same time and start heading to school. Thankfully, school wasn’t terribly far away. To be honest, I could walk to school, but who wants to do that?

I finish eating my breakfast as Reggie pulled into the parking lot. Reggie’s assigned parking space was right next to Alex’s. Alex, Luke, and Julie were clumped around Alex’s car waiting for us to join them. “Hey guys!” Reggie says as he gets out of the car. I follow him out and join the group. I keep next to Reggie as I didn’t want my boyfriend, Luke, to see me in my anxious state.

“You guys are late!” Julie exclaims.

“Yeah, that’s my bad! I tried fixing my amp while it was raining outside last night and it did something to my car,” Reggie explains to everyone. They all gave Reggie a questioning look.

“How are you still alive?” Julie asks out of the blue. We all chuckle and Reggie looked confused. Luke pats Reggie on the back as we start walking to the school building.

As we were walking, Alex tugs on my arm to slow us down and be more behind the group. “Hey, are you okay?” he asks.

I shrug my shoulders, “Yeah, of course. Why?”

“You are more quiet than normal. You also look really tired,” Alex says quietly so the rest of the group doesn’t hear. Alex also suffers from anxiety like I do, so we understand each other. It’s really hard to hide it from him, but I always try to.

I scoff at his statement, “Alex, I’m fine. I’m just tired from studying last night; that’s all!”

Alex squints his eyes at me. “Okay, if you say so. You know you can talk to me, right? Or you can talk to Luke. I know he is more than willing to help you out. You are his girlfriend after all.”

I stop at my locker. “Yes, I know. I don’t want to bother Luke with my troubles. He’s been focusing on the band a lot recently. I don’t want to put more weight on his shoulders. Anyways, hurry and get to class. First period is about to start,” I say to him while putting in the code to my locker.

“Yes, ma’am!” Alex says while walking backwards and saluting. He turns around and walks to his first class. I have class with everyone in our group. First period (History) is with Luke, second period (Art) is with Julie and Flynn, third period (Biology) is with Willy, forth period (theatre 3) is with Luke, Alex, Reggie, and Julie, fifth period is lunch with everyone, sixth period (Pre-Cal) is with Alex, and seventh period (English) is with Julie and Willy. It was nice to always have a friend in class.

I grab my art supplies from my locker as I don’t have time to swing by locker between first and second period. Since art class on the other side of school, I have to put my supplies in my backpack now or else I would be late trying to get my supplies between classes.

I close my locker to see Luke leaning against the locker next to me. “Jeez!” I jumped as Luke scared me by his presence. “You’ve got to stop doing that!”

Luke laughs at how scared I was, “Normally, that doesn’t scare you that bad. What’s going on in your mind?”

I shake my head, “Nothing important!”

Luke tilts his head, not believing what I said. “Sure, whatever you say, (Y/L/N), You ready for history?” Luke asks as he stands up from the lockers and wraps his arm around my shoulders.

I turn my heel to walk to class. “Am I ever ready for history? No! Whenever Mr. Hall teaches, it goes in one ear and straight out the other. I just have a hard time retaining history.” I answer.

As we get to Mr. Halls door, Luke unwraps his arm around me and stands in front of me. “You got this, bubs. You always do good in class!” Luke says trying to cheer me up.

“Thanks,” I murmur against my breath as I look down and play with my fingers. I was starting to feel anxious.

Luke notices and grabs my hand, “Believe me, you are insanely smart! You can do this.”

I look up at Luke who had a slight smile on his face. I nod my head, “Thanks, bubs.” He lets go of my hands and wraps his arms around my head. I hug back by wrapping my arms around his waist. I start to feel slightly less anxious with the hug. Luke always gives good hugs. He rubs my head slightly and gives me a kiss on the top of my head. I pull away from the hug to give him a double thumbs up. Luke smiles wider, snaps his fingers, and turns his heel to walk in the classroom. I take a deep breath and walk in the room. Luke and I take our spots in the back of the classroom; I sit right in front of Luke. Not too long after we sat down, the first period bell rang and the morning announcements started. I tune out whatever was being said over the intercom, not caring what they had to say. I didn’t even stand up to do the pledge of allegiance. I don’t know why I was feeling so anxious; the test is tomorrow!

Suddenly, I feel a kick on my heel. I snap my head towards Luke. “You’re shaking your desk with your leg bouncing and it’s making a squeaking sound,” Luke whispers. I didn’t even notice that I was bouncing my leg.

I immediately stop bouncing my leg, “Oh, sorry!” I turn back to face the front.

Finally, the morning announcements were over. Mr. Hall stood up from his desk to stand in front of the class, “Good morning class. I have a few things to say before we get started today. First thing, I will not be here tomorrow because we have an away baseball game.” A few boys in the class let out some hoots as they are part of the baseball team. I slightly chuckle at their actions. “I normally am here in the mornings when we have baseball games. However, it’s a few hours away, so I will be gone all day. Therefore, we are going to have our test today instead of tomorrow! Surprise! I hope you guys are ready!”

My heart sunk to the floor. This couldn’t be happening. We can’t take this test early; I’m not ready for it! “Clean off your desks, everyone. Let’s get started!” Mr. Hall announces.

I lean down to my backpack that was on the floor to grab a pencil. I open up every zipper to search for a pencil, but I couldn’t find one. I was starting to panic as my anxiety started to get worse. I then feel a tap on my shoulder. I look to see Luke handing me a pencil. I zip my backpack closed and take the pencil from him. “Hey, you okay?” Luke asks as I turn back to the front. I nod my head because I knew if I tried to speak, I would just break down crying. I set down the pencil Luke gave me and wipe my hands on my pants as they became super clammy. Mr. Hall walked by and past tests row by row. He finally placed a test packet on my desk. I pick it up to look at the back to see how many questions was on the test. There were 30 questions.

“Alright, you have until the rest of the class period to do the test. Good luck!” Mr. Hall says and sits down at his desk. My shaky hand picks up the pencil and my vision starts to get a blurry and watery as tears started to brew in my eyes. I shut my eyes hard to make sure tears don’t fall. I take a deep, shaking breath and try to read the first question.

What year did the Holocaust begin?

My mind went blank. I’ve been studying this all week, and I couldn’t remember a thing. I skip around the questions to see if I could find a question that I knew at the top of my head. There weren’t many, but thankfully I found a couple of questions I could answer confidently. I look at the clock to see we have 30 minutes left of class which is enough time to do a test. However, in my mind, it’s not enough at all!

Suddenly, I feel Luke’s foot kick my heel, again. I look up at Mr. Hall to see him on his computer. I turn around at Luke, “What?” I barely whisper. Luke tilts his head to the ground. I look down to see a folded piece of paper next to my backpack. I pick it up, glance at Mr. Hall, and open the folded paper.

Are you sure you’re okay? You keep fidgeting in your desk.

Luke’s awful handwriting was hard to read, and I didn’t have time to answer him back as I needed to finish this test. I fold the paper back and slip it in my bag.

Time passes, and I was down to three questions that were absolutely stumping me. I reread the questions about 15 times each to make sure I could understand the questions. I run my fingers through my hair in frustration and let out a heavy sigh. I look around to see almost everyone done and sitting with their phones. I turn around at Luke who was done as well. How was he already done?!

“5 more minutes!” Mr. Hall announces. I snap my head to the clock; class was almost over. My heart starts racing and beating hard in my chest. I look back to my test. Do I just BS this and guess? Do I even have time to figure the questions out? After a minute or two, I guess the last three questions as best as I can and turn in my test at the front. I try to take more deep breaths to try to calm my heart down. Tears were threatening to fall down my face.

Finally, the bell rang to end class. I grabbed my bag as quick as I could and sprinted out of class. I heard Luke calling out my name, but I couldn’t face him like this. He has never seen my anxiety so bad, and I don’t want it to be at school. I walk into the girl’s restroom, walk in a stall, and lock it. I drop my bag to the floor and lean against the wall. My breath was uneven and quick. I can’t be doing this in public. I need to calm down! I try to do the 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 anxiety trick, but I couldn’t focus on anything. The tears that have been trying to fall finally fell, and I lost it. I place my hand on my mouth to try to hold the sobs coming out of my mouth.

“(Y/N)?” I hear Julie call out. I gasp as I wasn’t expecting her to know where I was? I look at the floor to see her standing in front of the stall I was in. “Hey, are you okay? Luke said you ran out of history.”

I attempt to speak clearly, but a loud sob left my mouth. “I-I’m f-f-in-ne,” I barely spoke in-between sobs.

Through my blurry vision, I saw Julie exit out of the bathroom. I exhale the breath that I didn’t know I was holding. My legs started to feel like jello; I couldn’t hold myself up anymore. Thankfully, the toilet seat was down as I sat down on the toilet. I then noticed that I was hyperventilating. I was having a full out panic attack.

“Bubs?” I hear Luke softly call out. I shake my head as I knew Julie told him I was in here. I try make my breath quiet. “Bubs, can you let me in? Please?” he asked. I could barely move. It felt as if I was a statue and I couldn’t move.

“(Y/N), I know you’re in there,” he states, not knowing I physically couldn’t move.

“I-I-“ I attempt to speak, but words couldn’t form as my hyperventilating kept me from speaking. Next thing I know, Luke drops his backpack on the floor and so does he. He crawls under the crack between the floor and the door. I back further on the toilet and look down so he couldn’t see my face.

“Hey, hey, hey,” Luke whispers and grabs my face to make me look at him. My cheeks were red and tears and tear stains on my cheeks. My nose was running from me crying. He trys to wipe away tears, but they kept falling on my hot cheeks. “Try to breath with me, okay? Inhale through the nose; exhale out of the mouth.”

I nod my head slightly. Luke moves his hands from my face and holds my hands. As Luke inhales, I inhale. As Luke exhales, I let out a shaky exhale that ended in a sob. He does it again, but as I exhaled, all that came out was a sob. I then hyperventilated again and shook my head. This wasn’t working.

“No, no, no, that was supposed to work!” Luke mumbled under his breathe. In the distance, I heard the bell ring to indicate that it was time for second period. This made me panic even more as I can’t be late for class! I squeezed Luke’s hands that my nails digged into his skin slightly. I noticed Luke defeated as he wasn’t sure what to do. Suddenly, I feel him remove his hands from mine and place them back on my face. This time, he pulled me close to him and slammed his lips on mine. My eyes widened as I was shocked at his sudden action. I finally give in a little in the kiss and close my eyes and release the breath I was accidently holding. After a minute, Luke slowly pulled away.

I open my eyes to see him looking at me with a worried look on his face. I then noticed that my breathing was slightly back to normal. “H-How did you that?” I ask.

Luke rubs his thumbs on the apples of my cheeks. “I uh, read about it actually,” Luke states. “When Alex told me he had anxiety, I skimmed some articles on how to help and support someone with anxiety. I read that holding your breath can help, and when I kissed you, you held your breath.”

I couldn’t believe what Luke was saying! “Wow, t-that’s really smart, Luke. Thank you.”

Luke slightly nods his head. He pulls down my head and slightly kisses my forehead. “How come you never mentioned your anxiety was so bad?” Luke questions.

I take Luke’s hand from my face to hold them in my own hands. “I don’t want to bother anyone with my burdens,” I say embarrassed.

“Look, bubs,” Luke whispers. “You don’t have to be embarrassed about your anxiety. I will always be here to help you if you feel really anxious or anything,” I give Luke a slight smile. “Also, I told Flynn and Julie to tell your art teacher that you wouldn’t make it into class, so don’t worry about class right now.”

“What about you?” I question, not wanting him to miss class.

Luke shrugs, “Reggie is covering for me. It’s okay.” I feel slightly guilty that he is missing class because of me. Luke stood up, “Do you want some water?” I nod my head as I slowly stand up from the toilet.  Once I stood up, I felt a little dizzy and placed my head on his chest. Luke placed a kiss on the top of my head. “You good?”

“Mmhm,” I hum quietly. My head finally stopped spinning after a minute. I took my head off of Luke’s chest and stood up straight. “I’m good.”

Luke squeezes my hand and unlocked the bathroom stall door. Thankfully, during this whole time, no one had come into the restroom. However, it might look weird that the both of us are walking out together, but I don’t care at this point. We walk out of the bathroom and head towards the cafeteria where the vending machines were.

“Wait!” I stop my tracks, still holding Luke’s hand which made him stop as well in front of me.

“What?” he questions.

I look at Luke dead in the eyes and ask in a very serious tone, “Do I hold my breathe while we kiss often?”

Luke tries to hide the smile that was forming on his face, “No?”

My mouth opens wide, “Wait, really?!” Luke laughs out loud and walks closer to me. He wraps his arms around my shoulders. “I didn’t know that!” I exclaimed.

“It’s okay, (Y/N)! You know, because you do that, I was able to help you today,” he says while unwrapping his arms around my shoulders and instead places them on my waist.

I roll my eyes and lightly punch up on the chest, “Okay, okay, that’s true. Thank you, again.”

Luke kisses my nose sweetly. “Anything for you, bubs,” he smiles. I smile back. “Hey, there’s that beautiful smile.” I blush at the comment and give him a peck on the lips.

“Let’s go get water,” I say as I grab Luke’s hand and tug towards the cafeteria.

“There’s my girl,” I hear Luke whisper as he walks next to me. As we walk next to each other hand in hand, I take my other hand, wrap it around his arm, and place my head on his bicep. I’m grateful to have Luke in my life.

[ahockeywrites]

Baby, I’m Yours

Warnings: Pregnancy, children, explicit female reader

Matthew lifted up your knuckles to his lips and pressed four kisses to them. One for each member of the family you had created. The first was for you, always. You were the first one who he knew he had loved. The second was for him. Some might think it was strange, but it was his reminder to you that he was a part of you. The third was for your eldest child, Jacob, as soon as your husband’s eyes looked at him, he was smitten. The fourth was for your unborn daughter who already had her father wrapped around her little finger. He couldn’t imagine loving a family any more.

He let his eyes wander down your sleeping body, slightly uncomfortable from the bump you had, and watched the light reflect off the rings that adorned your left hand and softly smiled to himself.

Watching you walk down the aisle of the church in St Louis, wearing a white dress that fitted you so perfectly was something he could never forget. The tears the two of you shared as you read your vows and the little giggles you made when he started explaining some of the reasons why he loved living with you, including the abundance of ice cream in the freezer and the random pieces of paper he would find around the house with notes written to yourself. He could never picture loving a family more than the one you had.

The cries of Jacob rang around the house, waking you up. Matthew gently caressed your shoulder and told you to keep sleeping. Having a rampant, curly headed 2 year old running around the house wasn’t how you expected your first few months of marriage to have gone, but you wouldn’t have changed it for the world. It was perfect for the two of you.

To say that your first pregnancy was a surprise would be an understatement. It wasn’t that the two of you were actively trying for a baby, especially because you were taking your pill at the same time everyday, but one morning you must have forgotten and around a month later, when you were on placebo, you noticed that your period hadn’t come. To begin with, you didn’t think anything of it but then certain smells that you used to love, suddenly you couldn’t stand. You texted your future mother-in-law, Chantal, because in her eyes you were already part of the family and anything you needed to talk about, you could talk to her about. She was initially confused and suggested you see a doctor but then it all clicked in her head. You were experiencing the same symptoms she had experienced with her three pregnancies.

Chantal was hesitant to mention it, especially as your engagement was very new, but the two of you had one of the strongest relationships she had ever seen and knew that this would not put a dent in the life you had planned together. As soon as she mentioned it, over a Facetime call because she refused to say it over text, everything was out of the window. It all made sense now, and the only thing left to do was to take a test.

They were the longest five minutes of your life. Waiting for the word to appear behind a small plastic window scared you more than anything else. You had the potential to be carrying a bundle of cells that would form into a baby. As you sat waiting, you let yourself picture the family that this baby, if there was one, would become a part of. The love of hockey would run deep and Matthew would probably have your child on the ice as soon as they could hold their own head up. It would be a family that would go to the ends of the earth for the simplest thing if they knew it would make one member happy.

The alarm sound on your phone started you out of your daydream. You allowed yourself to glance at the three tests you had taken. All three said the same word. Pregnant. It was like you had forgotten to breathe as you let out a sigh, of relief? Concern? You really weren’t sure. It wasn’t like Matthew had never mentioned kids, he had just never explicitly said when he wanted them. But then you remembered how he was with other people’s children, always making sure they were entertained and giving them his full attention. It always made you want kids with him, even early on in your relationship before he put the ring on your finger. You weren’t traditional by any means, but you always hoped you would go down the path of engagement, moving in together, marriage, children.

Now, you did move in with Matthew approximately 30 minutes before he proposed because he couldn’t hide the ring from you any longer than he needed to. But this wasn’t the same as a ring. With a ring, you had as much planning time before the wedding as you wanted. Finding out you were pregnant, it was a limited time until you had an addition to the family.

You didn’t know if 5 minutes or 5 hours had passed by the time Matthew arrived back from practice. You were still sitting on the bathroom floor with a glass of water by your side. He shouted a few times before popping his head into the bathroom where you meekly greeted him. You were usually so excited to see him after practice, especially when you had been working from home all day, but as soon as he saw your face he knew something was up. It was an expression he almost never saw, fear. “Matty, I’m scared,” you whispered, pointing at the tests you had taken.

He looked over to the counter by the sink and saw the tests. He let himself smile, he had always hoped this day would come, this might have been sooner than he had expected but it was something he wanted. “Why are you scared?” he asked, genuinely curious.

“I’m too young to be a mother, you’ve just signed a big dollar contact and don’t have time for a baby whilst being the face of a franchise and I don’t even know if you want this baby,” you let out, allowing the tears to flow. Matthew wrapped your body into his in a tight hug and allowed you to let your feelings out. He rubbed your back gently and you curled yourself into his chest.

“Baby,” he started, still allowing your tears to fall, “the ring on your finger means I’m not going anywhere, and the baby. The baby we’re gonna welcome to the family soon, I am so excited to meet them, you wouldn’t believe it.” Matthew began tearing up at that and you were able to let out a little giggle. It was something the general public never got to see, the instigator of many fights letting out his emotions in a different way.

“Just can’t believe we’re expecting,” you exclaimed.

“Whatever worries you have about this, I’m gonna be here for the two of you,” Matt reminded you. He was always by your side even when you didn’t expect him to be. “Say the words, I’ll be here physically for you.” You let yourself smile, the first one since finding out you were expecting.

The first few months of your pregnancy weren’t as bad as you had expected. Yes, you did have your head in the toilet more often than you would like and turning down a glass of wine at events was difficult but Matthew was always there beside you and you couldn’t thank him more. It was also a challenge to keep Matthew’s big mouth shut around other people, both of your families knew the news but you kinda wanted to keep it to as few people as possible. He tried his best, but there was only so long he could keep it a secret before blurting it out to everyone.

The boys in the locker room had noticed something was up with him before he even mentioned it. He was heading home earlier on nights out, whenever the two of you were together he had to have some form of physical contact with you and he had stopped drinking anything alcoholic. He also got himself in less fights and was less physical on the ice. Many of the boys had asked him why he had been changing his habits and his response was always the same, “I’m getting prepared to become a family man, with the wedding planning and all that, I want Y/N to know I’m serious about settling down.”

Matthew eventually shared the news with the team after a strong win over Edmonton. Everyone, even the married boys were heading out but he knew you would already be half asleep after the game. Elias kept pestering him to come out and he finally snapped, “I would love to spend more time in your company, but some of us have pregnant fiance’s to go home to!” His eyes widened as soon as he said that, knowing that you wanted to keep it quiet. The entire locker room erupted in cheers but all he could think of was your face and how disappointed you would be when he explained that he just wanted to come home to you.

He rushed home, expecting you not to have heard congratulations from the other girls, but your phone blew up as soon as they found out. Did he really expect his teammates not to share this news with their other halves? You were surprised, it had taken him until you were 20 weeks pregnant for him to share the news with the team, you remembered that you now owed Taryn money as she had bet $50 that it would be after 18 weeks and you said before 18 weeks.

Matthew ran into the house, panting, to see you sitting on the couch with a large bowl of buttery popcorn on your lap. It looked so normal to him and he didn’t want to disappoint you. However, you knew better. “Matty, I got loads of texts in the girls’ group chat today,” you started, watching his face drop, “and they were congratulating us? I even got one from Johnny saying, and I quote ‘didn’t know Matt’s sperm was that good’. Anything you want to say?” You really tried to play bad cop but you couldn’t so you burst out laughing.

Matthew sighed, knowing that he should have expected this from you. He walked over to the couch and just dropped into your arms, being careful of the bump you were showing. You both relaxed into the cuddle and suddenly all the worries you had ever felt about being pregnant were gone. You were so comfortable that you ended up falling asleep.

It can’t have been more than an hour after you had fallen asleep, but you were woken up by the sounds of someone whispering. “Heya there buddy, your mom and I are so excited to meet you. I can’t wait to hold you in my arms and make you the happiest kid in the world. I don’t think momma wants you on the ice soon, but as soon as she says it’s okay, I’m gonna bring you with uncle Brady and auntie Taryn and we’re gonna have so much fun together,” Matt was whispering because he didn’t want to wake you up but you sniffling and trying to hold back the tears was more than enough to let him know you were awake.

“You okay there Y/N?” Matt asked, concerned that he had gone too far talking to the bump. He was always so respectful when it came to touching the bump and towards you in general.

“I’m, I’m just so happy,” you exclaimed. “We have a beautiful house, and we’re expecting a baby. I just didn’t think I’d be waking up from a nap to you talking to the baby. I promise, these are happy tears.” Matthew smiled at you and you just knew at that moment this wouldn’t be the only baby you had together.

And you were right, almost as soon as Jacob met the world, your fiance wanted another one. You swiftly reminded him that you had just pushed his son out and just had stitches down there and weren’t even thinking about sex. The sight of Matthew with his son resting on his chest was something you were never able to get used to.

Matthew looked at you in your hospital gown, sweat still dripping from your forehead, hair splayed everywhere and thought you were the sexiest woman alive. The pain you had gone through, just to give him a child was something he could never repay you for. “Baby,” he spoke quietly, “get some rest, we’ll be here when you get back.” You listened to him and allowed yourself to sleep, even if it was only for a short while.

//

The second pregnancy was not planned either and the two of you found out together, in St Louis. You had both returned there to have your final fittings before the wedding, which was about a month out. The room in the back of the bridal boutique was beautiful and you allowed yourself to take it in for one last time before the wedding. Chantal and Taryn were there gushing over how beautiful you looked, even without the fancy hair and makeup.

“Matt’s not gonna know what hit him,” Taryn giggled. You smiled softly, looking at yourself in the mirror. The dress clung to your curves perfectly, the lace along the arms was delicate and the skirt made you feel like a Disney Princess. But you couldn’t shake the ick you had been feeling all day, to begin with you had put it down to nerves with this being your final fitting and Matthew, Brady, Jacob and Keith being left to their own devices at the tailors. The feeling didn’t go when you arrived back at the Tkachuk residence for dinner either.

You excused yourself from helping with dinner, telling Chantal that you needed to finalise something with your maid of honour which she understood. As you made it to your room, you instantly realised you needed to find a toilet quickly, luckily you had one attached to the bedroom. You let yourself empty the contents of your stomach and quickly found your phone. It took a few moments to find the app you needed, white with red overlapping circles. 40 days without a period. It couldn’t be, not this close to the wedding. You had to text Matthew and get him to make a stop on the way home.

You: This is gonna sound very weird, but could you go to the drugstore on your way back?x

Matty: Sure, what do you need? Pads? Tampons?x

Of course, you thought, the only time you asked him to go to the drugstore was to get things for your period. Sighing softly, you replied.

You: Actually, could you grab a few pregnancy tests?x

Matty: Oh shit, you think again?x

You: Yeah, just had my head in the toilet and apparently I haven’t had a period for almost 6 weeks. Grab some things for Jacob in there too in case Brady wants to be nosy x

Matty: Ofc baby, we’re gonna leave soon so I’ll see you then. Keep drinking water, you know my mom will do anything for you x

Matthew let out an audible sigh, the two of you weren’t going at it like rabbits like before Jacob was born but you were both being careful making sure you used protection every time. He racked his brain to try and remember where the two of you were 6 weeks ago, Florida. It hit him like a ton of bricks, Jacob had stayed at home with Keith and Chantal, who wanted you two to have a holiday in the summer because the honeymoon planned involved Jacob. The infinity pool and hot tub were too tempting for you not to get intimate in. He remembered the moans you made as he rolled his hips into yours, the scratches left on your back and hips, the bruises that littered your collarbones. He allowed himself to get lost in the memory for just a few moments before exiting the dressing room to see Jacob giggling in Brady’s arms.

Running, as much as he could in his suit, towards Jacob, Matthew picked up his son and spun him around a few times. He imagined what it would be like if the two of you had another kid. Another curly haired, energetic person in the house. To him, it sounded like heaven but he was never going to force you into something you didn’t want. He must have zoned out for a few too many moments because Keith had to shake him out of his daydream, asking if he was okay. All he could do was respond with a hesitant nod.

“We good to stop by a drugstore on the way back? Y/N wanted me to grab a few things for this little man here,” Matthew said whilst tickling Jacob lightly. Both Brady and Keith gave him a funny look, they were both sure that anything Jacob needed was already at the house but let him have his way. It was only 5 minutes out of the way, so it couldn’t be too bad.

Well, it wouldn’t have been that bad if Matthew knew his way around a drugstore. He found himself down the shampoo and conditioner aisle more times than he would like to admit to anyone but you. Eventually, he had picked up some extra diapers for Jacob and the pregnancy tests. He debated picking up some prenatal vitamins but knew that it could be taken the wrong way, especially if you weren’t pregnant. He also ignored the strange looks he got from the cashier but knew that he needed the things to be bagged quickly.

Matthew tumbled back into the car, next to Jacob, and started making faces at the young boy. He was careful to make sure that the bag didn’t get too close to Brady because he just knew that he would rummage through the bag to find out the real reason why he had gone to the drugstore, more to confirm his and Keith’s suspicions. It was always a when would Y/N and Matthew have another one, not if, and they knew Matthew well. He would never pass up an opportunity to spend time with you in more ways than one.

Chantal also had her suspicions something was up, you weren’t as energetic as usual when it came to family games outside and the slight concern on your face in the boutique made her a bit worried. She hoped that you weren’t getting cold feet and planning how to get out of your own wedding. She gave you a smile as you came down the stairs back into the kitchen and opened her arms to invite you in for a hug. “How close to the wedding can we get the dress altered?” you asked, sniffling.

As you pulled back from the hug, she gave you a knowing look. “Matt’s coming back with tests, I’ll take them before dinner,” you let out. She pulled you back in for another hug and rubbed your back. Chantal always made you feel loved and was a second mother to you, she had the motherly senses you wished you could learn.

“The dress can be altered whenever you need love,” she spoke softly, “but we need to know if you are first, no stress under this roof. Go back upstairs and rest until the boys are back”

If Matthew entering the car was amusing, him leaving it was a whole new level of funny. First, he struggled to open the door, second, he left his son for Brady and Keith to look after and third, he kept using the wrong key to open the front door. When he finally entered the house, his mother looked at him sternly. “She’s upstairs, waiting for you, I’ll keep the other boys busy,” Chantal spoke. Nodding meekly, he ran up the stairs to find you laying on the bed. He gently tapped your shoulder to let you know that he was home and offered you his hand to walk to the bathroom.

These five minutes seemed longer than the first time, even with Matthew there to try and distract you. He told you that Jacob really enjoyed the ice cream they had before they went for the fitting and just how cute he’s gonna look in his tux for the wedding. This time it was Matthew’s alarm that went off and he looked at the results first. “I think we need to get another room ready back in Calgary,” he whispered, looking at you with all the love in his eyes.

���We’r- I’m pregnant?” you asked, you couldn’t believe it.

“We’re having another baby, baby,” he whisper-shouted. The smiles on your faces were huge, even if you had found out you were pregnant so close to the wedding, you wouldn’t have changed anything for the world. The three of you made a perfect family and the only way to make it more perfect was to add a child who was going to be the most loved person in the world. You pulled him in for a massive hug, you were 8ish months away from becoming a family of four.

It was almost impossible to hide the smiles the two of you were wearing as you walked down the stairs to the family room. “Got enough love to share with another Tkachuk? And not just the one that is going to become one in a month?” Matthew teased his mother. Chantal let out a small scream and ran over to hug the two of you. Another scream came from the patio outside and it belonged to Jacob.

“Clearly someone is excited to be a big brother, aren’t you,” you spoke as you walked outside to see Brady swinging Jacob around.

“Big brother?” Brady asked, slightly confused.

“I suppose, congratulations are in order for the two of you?” Keith questioned jokingly. He saw the sparkle in Matthew’s eyes whenever he had some news to tell about the two of you. It was there when he told them of the house, the engagement and the news about your first pregnancy.

“Yeah, found out about 10 minutes ago. There’s gonna be another little one around soon,” Matthew said with a massive smile. The embraces continued and this time you allowed Matthew to share the news a bit earlier, especially as the wedding was coming up and people would start asking questions about why the bride and groom weren’t drinking.

//

The day of the wedding came around much faster than you or Matthew had expected. Taryn made sure that Matthew was kept away from the house as the two of you were trying to keep some traditions. Chantal had made sure that you had stuck to the something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue and you kept reminding her that she didn’t need to see the something blue because it was underneath the dress.

Your maid of honour let out an audible snigger at this as she had been there to help you buy it, but she didn’t anticipate you being three months pregnant at the time of the wedding. You were very thankful for the heavy layer of foundation that graced your face, hiding your incredibly blushed cheeks. You had received multiple photos from Brady of Jacob causing havoc in their hotel room and it almost made you cry with happiness, and it wouldn’t be the first time that happened on this day.

Eventually, it was time for you to make your way to the doors of the church but first Taryn went to collect Jacob as he had the very important role of being ring bearer. His little legs had been carrying him around most of the day so Taryn agreed to carry him down the aisle as long as he kept the cushion very still to which he nodded excitedly. You looped arms with your father who gave you a smile and then the music began to play.

As soon as Brady heard the music start, he looked over his shoulder to see Taryn holding his nephew, who was trying to wriggle out of her arms. Brady giggled as his sister put Jacob down and allowed him to run to Brady. He picked him up and spun him around a few times, then settled him on his hip and allowed the bridesmaids to enter, followed by you.

“Matt, you are one lucky man,” Brady whispered into his ear as he had allowed himself to take a quick peek at you. Matthew tried to turn around to see you but Brady stopped him. You let out a little laugh at the exchange between the two brothers. It made you excited to be joining a family with so much love to give.

The altar was adorned with ivory and navy blue flowers and you couldn’t have imagined the day to be any better. Even when your dad whispered something to Matthew that you couldn’t hear, the slightly scared face he made just made you want to smile.

He took his time as he looked over you, one of the final times he would do that before you became a Tkachuk. “You are so beautiful, Y/N. You’re gonna make me the happiest man on earth,” he spoke softly, trying to hide the tears. The lace bodice allowed him to see the smallest of bumps that only someone who knew you were pregnant would notice.

“You don’t clean up too bad yourself Tkachuk,” you let out. His black tux and bow tie made him look like a godsend, and you already couldn’t wait to get him back to the hotel room. The parts between that and the vows moved much quicker than in the rehearsal.

“And now the vows, Matthew, if you could begin,” the vicar spoke softly.

“Y/N, where do I begin,” he said with a giggle. “I remember the day we met like it was yesterday. A little someone who may be the maid of honour was trying to get you to dance at one of the events we had, as you were working for one of the sponsors. Elias had tried flirting with you already in the evening, so let’s just say my hopes weren’t particularly high. But we ended up chatting for a bit, and I did go over to speak to you with the intention of flirting and then leaving but you were just too enticing to leave. Then, I somehow got your number and then the rest is history as they say.” You laughed, trying to hide the tears that would surely be falling soon.

“I remember the first note I found lying around your apartment. I had stayed over after a tough loss against Edmonton, and when I woke up in the morning you had left a post-it note on your pillow encouraging me to come into the kitchen for breakfast along with a very badly drawn picture of the two of us smiling,” he continued, smiling as the memory played through his head. “You were a mess in the kitchen, still are.” At that the entire congregation let out a laugh, “but you had pancakes, waffles, fruit salad, bacon and eggs covering the tiny island. It was at that moment I knew you were the one, at 2 months in.”

Matthew reached up to wipe away a tear, then spoke, “When I told my mom about you and your never ending love of ice cream before your first trip to St Louis, she just looked at me and asked if I knew. It couldn’t have been anyone else other than you. Y/N, I promise to always compliment the little drawings you do on post-it notes that live around the house. I promise to never come between you and the tub of ice cream in your hand after Jacob has gone to bed. I promise to always be by your side, through anything that may come our way.”

At this point, you were full on crying and Brady tried chirping you before you shut him down and he passed you a tissue and the vows you had prepared.

“And now Y/N, your vows,” the vicar said as he motioned for you to speak.

“I don’t really know how mine are going to live up to yours Matt, but I have to try,” you spoke. “Matthew, you caught my eye as soon as I walked into that ballroom that looked way too fancy for me to be in. I mean, it wasn’t hard to notice you seeing as the Flames thought a good marketing campaign would be sticking your face on almost every billboard in Calgary. When you came over to speak with me, I really hoped your on ice persona wasn’t your real life one. I am thankful to report, the on ice Matthew only comes out when he’s around Brady.” This made all the attendees roar with laughter and it gave you a chance to look into Matthew’s eyes. They were a bright blue, and were looking at you with such love, he ran his thumb over your knuckles as you started again.

“It must have been a few months after we started dating, I was going through my closet to find something,” you started laughing as you saw Matthew’s face. He knew exactly where this story was going, “I had been in contact with the loveliest almost brother-in-law that there is, and he had been so lovely to send me one of his jerseys as soon as he had found out that Matt hadn’t got me one yet. I just so happened to throw it onto my bed as I was looking for a denim jacket. And he just looked at me with the most confused face ever. He never realised that his parents spoke to Brady about his love life and that Brady can do things by himself. But, I find my jacket and we go out for the evening and I don’t think any more of it. But when I get back from work the next night, it’s gone and in its place is about 20 Calgary jerseys all with the number 19 on the back and a post-it note attached to one of them saying, ‘if you’re gonna wear a jersey with your future last name on it, make sure it’s the right team and number’.”

Most of the attendees hadn’t heard the story and now it seemed like one that they would never forget. “Matthew, I promise to only wear your jersey to games, even when you’re playing against Brady and the number seven seems like a better choice,” you said. Matthew rolled his eyes, but allowed you to continue. “I promise to always order an extra portion of spring rolls whenever we order Chinese food because you like eating them cold the next morning. And most of all, I promise to never leave your side, from the good times to the bad. I’m gonna be here for you.”

You looked over to see your mother wiping the tears from her eyes, and your father was trying to keep a strong exterior but as soon as you caught his eyes, the smallest tear fell. It wasn’t like Chantal and Keith were doing any better. Keith was onto his second pack of tissues and Chantal was thankful that there was a decent enough time between the service and the reception to redo her makeup because there was no way that she hadn’t smudged some of it with all of the tears that had been rolling down her face.

“Thank you, both of you,” the vicar continued, “and now, if the couple could join hands.” You two did as he suggested because today was not the day to get in the vicar’s bad books. “Now, by the power invested in me, I now pronounce you man and wife. Matthew, you may now kiss your wife,” it took Matthew all of zero seconds to press his lips to yours and invite you in for a passionate kiss, one that might have been considered to be too passionate to be shared in a church.

“Mrs Tkachuk has a nice ring to it eh,” Matthew said before pressing his lips against yours again.

All you wanted to do was sit down with a glass of wine and your husband, but bridal duties and pregnancy meant you could do none of those things. You had greeted all your guests with a feeble glass of water in your hands rather than the wine you craved so dearly. The looks the guests had given you were of confusion because to them, it made sense for the bride to get plastered drunk, but there you were as sober as you were the morning you woke up. But rather than drunk on alcohol, you were drunk on love. The love that Matthew showed you, Jacob and the tiny bump you had showing. The love that all both of your families and all of your friends showed by coming to your wedding.

You had the opportunity to sit down properly for all of five minutes before Brady and your maid of honour stole the microphone to announce that it was time for your first dance as a married couple. Matthew stood up first and offered you his hand to help you up, he already knew that your feet were aching just from the sheer amount of time you had spent on them during the day. You sent him a thankful smile and made your way to the dance floor.

Both of your husband’s arms went around your waist and your arms wrapped around his neck and you allowed your head to rest on his shoulder, trying to not to transfer too much makeup across to his white shirt. “You know, it’s crazy how many Tkachuk’s we’ve welcomed to the world in the past two years and how there’s gonna be another one soon,” Matthew said softly.

“I wouldn’t have it any other way,” you spoke, leaning in to give him a sweet kiss. Once the song had finished, the two of you excused yourself from the events hall and made your way to the room where you had gotten ready for the reception. You flung your shoes across the room and very gracefully flopped onto the sofa that was in the room.

“You know, you don’t want to get a crease in that dress,” Matthew laughed. You shot him a stern look then pulled him down by his collar to lay on top of you.

“And you didn’t want to crease your shirt either but I think carrying Jacob did it for you,” you whispered and then passionately pressed your lips against his. His tongue swept along your bottom lip and you granted him entrance. You pulled back, “they’re gonna notice if we’re gone for too long you know,” you taunted him, knowing that he couldn’t keep his hands off of you.

“And you think I care because?” he taunted back, “uncle Brady and auntie Taryn are doing a great job looking after Jacob, isn’t it time I looked after my wife?” You rolled your eyes and kissed him again.

You had to check your hair in the mirror before you left and reminded Matthew that he might want to put his now untied bowtie back on otherwise people might suspect something. He just flat out told you that it had been half an hour, what else would a newly wed couple be doing. Just before you opened the door to reenter the function room, Matt wrapped his arms around your stomach from behind. “I can’t wait to meet the little one,” he exclaimed as he pressed a soft kiss to your temple.

“Neither can I Matt, neither can I.”

[marvelsbetch]

Peter Parker’s field trip part 3

-Peter's POV-

After lunch Owen grouped us all

back together, including Wade, and took us around more labs. There was nothing particularly special about any of them until the corridor we were walking down became all too familiar. We stopped infront of a door to a lab, the door to my lab. Oh God.

"Now, for those of you who don't know and haven't guessed it yet, your class mate Peter works here. This is his lab and I was wondering if he would allow us to see what's inside. Peter?" Owen announced looking directly at me.

"Fine but you have to swear not to touch anything and not discuss anything you see with others." I warned them as I swiped my card and held the door open to all of them.

They all filled in and started looking around cautiously and with amazement. Many people noticed the prototype suits on mannequins at the back of the room. I was helping Dad, Pops, Bucky and Wanda with new designs for suits as well as trying to improve mine. It's been a challenge but we're making steady progress.

"Peter, Mr Stark has told me to ask you to open your connecting doors." F.R.I.D.A.Ys voice rang out across the room.

"Oh dear lord." I sighed and moved to open one of the other doors in the room that connected mine and Dads lab.

There was also a door connecting to a storage closet filled with various building parts. The other doors lead to a bathroom, Pops' art room, The training room and a testing room. There was lots of doors but thankfully I labelled them all.

"What do y-" I started but cut myself off when I opened the door and saw the guardians stood in Dad's lab. Frick!

"Mini Peter!" Drax yelled pulling me into a very tight hug. What's with the bone crushing hugs today?

"What're you all doing here?" I asked pushing Drax away from me.

"Can't we visit our favourite earthling without a reason?" Peter asked putting his arm around me.

"You sound like Thor." I told him shrugging his arm off.

"Don't insult me like that." Peter told me jokingly serious.

"How come I don't get any love?" Wade asked appearing behind me.

"Hey! What am I here for?" I asked him trying to sound offended.

"Beside you." He said putting an arm around my waist and resting his head on mine.

"Hands off Wade." Dad warned with a scowl on his face glaring at my boyfriend.

"Alright Stark, alright." Wade said sarcastically and put his hands up before slowly backing away.

"Don't push me, I'm already letting you stay in my tower, and sleep in his room for that matter." Dad gestures to me with an angry look on his face.

"Moving on, why're there a bunch of gawping teenagers stood behind you?" Peter asked gesturing to my class.

"Well, this is my science class from school. They're gasping because no one believed me when I said I had an internship here but I've proven to have more than that." I explained taking Wade's hand in mine much to Dad's disappointment.

"Anyway, what're you doing next? When're these losers leaving?" Peter asked putting his arm around my shoulders.

"We're visiting the training rooms with Steve, Nat, Clint, Bucky, T,Challa, Wanda, Vision, Strange and Loki." Dad explained making me groan and put my head on Wade's shoulder in annoyance.

"And then they're staying the night and visiting Avengers Tower tomorrow." I told him from Wade's shoulder.

"Avengers Tower?" Drax asked confused.

"It's kind of like our mother ship. It's where we're briefed and de-briefed about our missions and meet up for various things. We used to use this tower but it's less used now." Dad explained.

"They still use it sometimes though. Say, for example, to embarrass me." I said sarcastically lifting my head up.

"Aww, come on Pete, don't you love seeing us all day?" Dad teased grabbing my cheek.

"Not when your soul purpose is to embarrass me infront of my class. Other times, I couldn't thing is anything better." I told him making him smirk.

"Come on then, let's go see everyone train." Dad said clapping his hands together and leading the group through one of my doors and directly into the training room.

"Ah, Midtown I presume. Welcome to the Avengers training room." Pops introduced gesturing to the room around us.

There was treadmills, weight lifts, cross trainers, workout bikes and much more. Over in an empty corner Strange, Wanda and Uncle Loki were practicing their magic where as every one else was doing normal physical training.

"So, who wants to fight an Avenger?" Aunt Nat asked looking across all the students in front of her. "You, with the stupid grin. Come up here." Nat instructed pointing to Flash. Oh dear lord.

Flash confidently made his way up to Nat and just stood there doing nothing. Nat showed him a proper fighting stance and told him to attack. The next few seconds was Nat pinning Flash to the mat before he could react.

"I wasn't ready." Flash breathed out from the floor.

"No one is. That's why she's good at what she does." Pops told him smirking at me. "Why don't you have a go?" He asked me.

"No I'm good. Do you want to?" I asked gesturing to the mat and Nat.

"Oh come on kid. Live a little." Pops coaxed with a smug grin on his face.

"Fine." I sighed detaching myself from Wade and standing in front of Nat. I got into a fighting stance and we started fighting.

After 10 minutes of back and forth between me and Nat I eventually pinned her to the mat to the astonishment to my class.

“Well Peter, good to know nothing's changed." Pops grinned passing me my water bottle and a granola bar.

"Thanks Pops." I said with out thinking.

“Right, now we're gonna teach you basic self defence. We'll split you into groups and go from there." Pops explained turning to my class when an alarm went off.

"Code Green! Natasha and Peter to Dr Banners lab please." F.R.I.D.A.Ys automated voice rang out.

Me and Natasha took off running as fast as we could to Bruce's lab and stopped in front of the door for a brief moment. We could hear crying? Slowly, we opened the door and found Hulk sat on the floor crying.

"Hulk?" I cautiously asked stepping forward.

"Spider Boy!" Hulk yelled pulling me into a tight hug. "Hulk miss his spider boy!" He cried.

"Okay big guy. Why were you crying?" Natasha asked placing her hand on his arm.

"Lonely. Bad Human kept me trapped." Hulk explained as more tears fell.

"Okay buddy, put me down and we can hang out with you for a bit. How does that sound?" I offered.

"Thank you spider boy." Hulk said giving me one last squeeze, breaking my last rib and placing me on the floor.

"So, what do you want to do?" Nat asked sitting on the floor next to Hulk.

"Play outside!" Hulk whined. When did he become so child like?

"Okay, wanna play tag?" I offered thinking back to childhood games.

"Tag?" Hulk asked.

"It's where we run around and touch people gently. The person you touch is then 'tagged' and you must run away from them. You understand?" I explained.

Hulk slowly nodded so Nat took him outside while I called Dad to explain what happened.

"Hey kid, you okay?" Dad asked with my entire class looking at him.

"Yeah he was just lonely and in a mood with Banner. Me and Nat are gonna play some tag with him if that's okay. We'll either be on the roof or balcony." I explained to him.

"Okay stay safe." Dad told me before waving.

"I will. See you later." I said waving back and hanging up the phone.

-2 hours later-

After playing tag with Hulk for way too long we managed to get Banner back. The only think was, we promised Hulk to speak to him later. While my class will still be here. Hopefully he doesn't get scared or feel threatened and we can have a nice and calm conversation with him. We walked back to the training room but no one was there so I called Dad to see where he was.

"Hey, where've you all gone?" I asked.

"We're in the penthouse. How was playing tag with Hulk?" He asked.

"It was fun. We promised we would speak to him later so we need to talk to the class and explain otherwise he may feel threatened or angry." I explained to him getting into the elevator to take us to the penthouse.

"Okay, I'll gather everyone and you three can explain to them." He said.

"Right I'll see you in a minute." I told him before hanging up.

We got to the penthouse and found my whole class plus teacher stood in the living room like they were waiting for something. I walked in with Nat and Banner on either side of me and they all looked visibly shocked.

"Okay, quick announcement if you're all going to be staying the night. What happened before was a 'code green' that means the Hulk. Now, not every time he's here he's angry, so for instance today, sometimes he's just lonely. We managed to get Banner back but promised we would speak to him later so if anyone hears a code green do not freak out. Don't go up to him or anything but don't freak out. That's what'll make him intimidated and angry and that's when people get hurt. Do I make myself clear?" Nat asked giving each individual a piercing glare.

"Yes Miss Romanov." They all said simultaneously.

"Now, you have one hour before food to explore the penthouse. Any door with a red square is a prohibited area, it's mainly bedrooms though. Have fun and don't break anything." Dad warned.

As soon as he finished everyone scattered and tried to find something interesting to look at. Me, Wade, Ned, MJ, Dad, Pops, Nat and Banner all just sat on the sofa and started a movie. As time went on the rest of the Avengers along with Thor, Loki, Shuri and T'challa came in and started to watch the movie with us. We briefly heard and saw my class mates walking around and looking at things in the hallways. They were all very interested in the littlest things.

An hour soon went by and we called everyone back in to talk about food and what we should order. We ended up with Pizza cause who doesn't like that? We ordered 35 because there was a lot of us and I needed like 4 to myself, it was 15 margaritas, 5 Hawaiian, 5 BBQ chicken, 5 vegetarian and 5 meat lover. All large and all delicious. True beauty. We all sat in the living room and no where else would fit us all and ate in pretty must silence.

"So Peter, how come you know the Avengers?" Christie asked.

"The internship. I work closely with Mr Stark and just met everyone from there. It stared with working in projects all night to having sleepovers and it all progressed from there." I explained. It felt weird to call Dad Mr Stark again after all this time of calling him Dad.

"Patricia, how did you get the internship. Stark Industries don't usually hire teenagers." Mrs Robbins asked trying to be polite but made one big mistake. Patricia.

"Well I found Videos of Peter's work on YouTube. I'd also bumped into him at Oscorp at one of your other field trips." Dad explained with emphasis on 'Peter'. Mrs Robbins seemed uncomfortable with Dad's use of my name.

"Well what type of thing do you work on?" Al asked.

"All sorts. Started with building small robots to help with small mundane tasks then working on bigger robots with Mr Stark and then working on suits and weapons for everyone. Now I'm designing them as you all saw before. Btw Wanda, I need you to come to my lab at some point this week to check hour suit out." I informed.

"Okay, maybe after food we could go." She offered taking another bite of a BBQ chicken pizza.

"I can do that." I agreed and finished my slice of margarita.

"Well, why you?" Flash asked clearly annoyed. Shoot.

"What do you mean why him?" Pops asked getting angry.

"Well, with all due respect, why did you hire him? He's nothing special, just a charity case at the end of the day." Flash huffed and Pops' face went red with anger.

"Charity case? What do you mean by that?" Wade asked trying to moving me from his lap but I didn't budge. I knew he'd kill Flash.

"Like with his Aunt, they didn't have money and skips out on school with stupid excuses. You're probably only talking to him cause you feel bad, no need to lie to us." Flash explained and Banner's face turned green.

Everything else happened so fast. First Wade practically threw me off of his lap onto the floor where Ned caught me. Then Banner stormed out of the room yelling and turning green. After that, Dad got up from his seat and lunged forward but Pops caught him and was holding him back in a hug type situation. Nat pulled a knife out. Bucky smashed a pizza. The sofas were floating. There was thunder outside. Loki was evilly smirking. Shuri was holding T,Challa back. Sam was seething in the corner. Clint reached for his bow and arrow. Wade pulled a katana out of god knows where. It was all happening.

"Everybody outside now!" I yelled at the adults and dragged my Dads and Wade out the room behind me.

They all came out and I was immediately attached with question after question after question. Nat was asking if I wanted her to kill them. Dad, Pops and Wade were agreeing with her. Thor was threatening to bring the whole of the Asgardian army. Banner was still no where to be seen. Things really went down hill fast.

"Come on Baby. He made you feel like shit, let me teach him a lesson." Wade tried to persuade pulling me close and putting his hands on my waist.

"No Wade. You're not killing him. You've been doing so well, you've gone a whole 2 months without killing anyone. Don't throw that all away for him. Come on baby, calm down and help me with everyone else." I pleaded looking into his eyes and placing my hands on either side of his face.

"Fine but if he says one more thing not even Hulk could hold me back." He sighed bringing me in for a brief kiss.

"NOT IN FRONT OF US!" Dad yelled all anger seemingly averted to Wade.

"Geeze old man, calm down it was just a kiss. Not as if I fucked him right in front of you is it?" Wade told him sarcastically.

"Stop before your killed." I warned him.

"Mmmm. You're no fun." Wade told me.

"This is all beside the point. Banner's Hulked our and Hulk is not happy about Flash. He's coming straight towards everyone." Nat warned looking at something F.R.I.D.A.Y shown her.

"Oh god." I said as everyone rushed back into the living room to find my class huddled in a corner with Hulk slowly advancing.

Me and Nat ran out infront of them and our hands up to indicate for him to stop. Hulk looked between me and the group with confusion.

"They're mean to spider boy. Why be nice?" Hulk asked.

"Because it's what we do. We're nice to people despite them being mean to us because otherwise we'd be as bad as them. We don't want to be as bad as them. We want to be better. Do you understand?" I explained to Hulk slowly.

"Yes I understand spider boy." Hulk slightly sulked and walked over to a different side of the room where he turned back into Banner.

"How can you do that?" Someone asked hesitantly.

"Do what?" I questioned confused.

"Calm him down. I thought only black widow could do that." They explained baffled.

"Well you thought wrong." I simply told them with a shrug as I walked back over to the couch and sat on Wades lap much to my Dad's disappointment.

"Okay then, what movie should we watch?" Pops asked trying to change the topic and succeeding.

"Okay this is how we're doing it. If you want horror move to the right side of the room. If you want comedy stand to the left." Dad spoke. The majority, including myself and Wade, moved to the right.

"Okay, Annabelle Creation to the right, It to the left." The majority stayed at the right.

"It's settled." Pops announces turning the tv on and playing the movie.

Everyone found somewhere to sit, Dad on Pop obviously, then everyone else who lived at the tower, Ned and MJ squeezed onto the couches. The rest of my class sat on the floor that was covered in blankets, pillows and other types of bedding. It looked quite comfy but nothing was as comfy as Wade.

"So, Parker, how come you're buddy buddy with all of the Avengers?" Flash asked once the movie begun.

"I told you, I'm Mr Starks personal intern and so I met everyone." I lied.

"It's so weird to hear you call me Mr Stark again." Dad pointed out making us all laugh but confused my class.

"Don't start calling me Steve again, too weird." Pops requested earning a few more laughs.

"Alright Cap'ain." I said making us again, laugh a little.

"So, Peter, how did you get your internship?" Al asked.

"Well, it's a long story." I told him trying to think of one on the spot.

"I secretly sent out a message to collages and High schools near by and asked for their most brightest and promising students. I got almost two hundred responses but one from Midtown high stuck out. A boy who couldn't do PE to save his life but could do a university level science equation in his sleep. Sounded like me when I was younger so I spoke with him and after a few trials including him and some other candidates I went with Peter. One of the best decisions I ever made." Dad informed them, lying slightly, making me blush and look down.

"How did that lead to all of this?" Al further questioned gesturing to me and the rest of the Avengers.

"Well, with being his personal intern I followed him everywhere and into meeting for both Stark Industries and the Avengers. He also let me stay here when my aunt had to work late, this then turned into me spending the weekend here most times and some school night. With me spending so much time here I met them all, I was a little awkward at first but got used to them and then the jokes started which turned to minor pranks which turned into Parnell wars which turned into me finding a family in the most unsuspected way." I spoke fondly smiling at the memories of first meeting them and the first prank pulled, Clint decided it would be funny to put shaving cream in all of my pockets and shoes.

"Wow, must be amazing, knowing you can come here at whatever time you want and have the Avengers back you. You're a lucky kid Parker, I'll give you that." Al said.

"I know I am." I spoke, mostly to myself as I took Wade's hand in mine.

"How did your relationship start?" Hayley, a girl from my class, asked.

"That is an interesting story that I'm sure Wade would love to tell." I said smirking slightly.

"Well, I have a tendency to brake in the tower and one time I ran into the living room escaping Stark and found Peter sat on this couch watching Star Wars surrounded my blankets, pillows and junk food. I walked over, sat next to him and had a lovely conversation with him about Star Wars and Star Trek, it was very engaging. Then Stark ruined it by kicking me out and giving me a lecture on communicating with his intern. I clearly didn't listen and came here more often to speak to him, on one of my trips my crush grew too strong and plucked up the courage to ask him out. He said yes much to Starks distaste. We went on a date, shared a kiss and decided to make it official, this was 8 months, 4 days, 32 minutes and 54 seconds ago." Wade told them smiling widely as he pulled me into a deep and loving kiss only to separated by my Dad flicking Wade's ear.

"Wow, that's so sweet." Hayley fan-girled.

Soon enough, nine thirty rolled around and we were all sent to bed, my class was showed to their shared rooms while me and Wade snuck off to my room where he followed through on his earlier promise.

To be continued...

[1994sunflower]

hi! do you think you could maybe pretty please write something about the first few times the reader (heaven to you) has sx with michael (not losing her v card i looved that btw) i mean like him testing what she likes (for example pulling her hair, moving her to different positions to find out how to make her moan louder, chooking herr and watching how her eyes almost pop out of her head, etc) thank u i love the way u write❤❤

this kind of got away from me hehe, i hope it’s what you were looking for ♡

in which michael teaches you about sex

Getting comfortable with sex was gradual for you. Especially after being a virgin for so long. It took a lot of practice and small steps to figure out exactly how you would meld with Michael and all of his experienced tastes. Not that you minded. Now that you had gotten a taste of Michael after never having anyone before, you wanted to feel that good all the time.

He was going slowly for your sake, you knew. If he had his way entirely, he’d take you in all the dirty ways he had imagined since he had met you, helping you find your tastes and introduce you to his in a passionate and frenzied fuck. He could cum at just the thought of you in all the situations he loved to see, to dominate you in the way he had been dreaming of since the first time he had you.

He wouldn’t have to go slow, wouldn’t have to be gentle. Especially now that he knew you liked a little roughness, wanted it even. He could finally live out his wildest fantasies. He’s been with many other women but he couldn’t really think of a time when he was this turned on at the thought of playing out his kinks. But he knew it was because it was you. You, the shy, innocent, kind girl he had somehow gotten to be his girlfriend. This time he actually had a need and love for the girl he would be sleeping with, a desire that ran deeper than he ever imagined.

No matter what he wanted though, what he was jumping at the chance for, he didn’t want to pressure you, he wanted you to find your experience at your own pace. Just the thought that you were getting that with him, and only him, that he was the one teaching you everything you knew and teaching you what he liked was enough to placate him.

☼

“Just like that, little one.” He moaned, watching you with half lidded eyes as he sat on his bed. He figured you liked praise from the first time you had had sex. And he was more than happy to feed into it. How could he not when he loved you so much and all he wanted was for you to know it, to encourage you and for you to know how much you were pleasing him even if you still didn’t feel so confident.

The nickname he loved to give you had never been so fitting as it was when your small frame was on your knees for him. It was a sight he wanted ingrained in his mind forever. Your small hands moved up and down at an even pace on his hard dick. You needed two hands since they were so small around his girth. Your cheeks were pink and you were glancing up at him with innocent eyes. You weren’t sure what you were doing, if you were doing it right. You wanted more than anything to please him and you hoped you could do that. But the soft grunts leaving him were a good sign. And so was his hardened length. You had done that.

Eventually you moved forward, your tongue tentatively licking the head of his dick before moving down to lick a stripe from his base to his tip. You felt his hips stutter at the feeling and when you looked up at him, he was staring at you with dark eyes. His jaw was clenched.

Keeping his gaze, you moved down to envelope his dick into your small mouth. You hoped you looked more confident than you felt. You’d never given a blowjob before but you widened your jaw to take as much of him as you could anyway. You really could only fit him halfway in before you began bobbing your head. You were scared to keep pushing. You kept stroking the part you didn’t take in your mouth.

And Michael didn’t seem to mind. Besides whispering small orders to teach you what to do or keep you on the right path, he just threw his head back and groaned out as you sucked his dick. You were doing so well.

“Take me deeper, baby.”

For it being your first time, your mouth felt heavenly. It was sloppy but the sounds of you taking him made it so much hotter. He didn’t care if you were inexperienced, it still felt like the best head he’d ever gotten. Because it came from you. He could feel you getting more confident with your skills the longer you went on. Your hands stroked him in a circular motion right at his base was like nothing he had ever experienced. He couldn’t help moaning. When had you learned to do that with your hands.

“Good girl.”

His hand found your hair, taking a handful. At first he just kept his hand there, enjoying the way it looked so big on your head but when you pulled him out of your mouth, spit connecting your lips to the tip of his cock, his hand twitched.

“Spit on it.” He said as he watched you. His dick was already covered and glistening but he needed to see you do it. He had never been so hard before.

You looked up at him in alarm for just a second. You’d never done something so dirty but as you took him in your hands again, you felt a thrill at the feeling. At doing something like that for him, that he would tell you to do it in the first place.

When you spit on his dick, wetting it more before taking him back in your mouth, Michael’s hand tightened harshly on your hair. He pulled your hair enough that you pulled back just slightly, but you kept bobbing your head even faster on his dick. A moan left you, vibrating around his dick.

If your warm and wet mouth around him wasn’t enough, your moan had him cursing under his breath. “You like that?” He asked, pulling your hair experimentally again.

And once again, a whiny moan left you. He felt you take him in just a bit deeper than before, the filthy gawking sounds you were making sounded faster throughout your room.

So his slut likes her hair pulled. He’d definitely remember that. A primal desire to wreck you took over him. He couldn’t believe just how lucky he had gotten. He had unintentionally found something you liked in bed and that something just happened to be something he could get behind, very easily. He wondered briefly if you liked the pain of it.

He pulled again, this time more at your roots so that it had to hurt, at least a bit. He’d never experienced the giddiness he felt right then when your hips ground against the air below you at the feeling. He groaned.

“Look at me.” He commanded and you followed orders and stared at him as you had him in your mouth with those big, naive eyes he loved so much in such a submissive position.

His hips bucked unintentionally. At the feeling of him thrusting deeper in your throat, you gagged and pulled away from him immediately. It wasn’t something you were expecting and you already hadn’t known your limits, what you could handle without starting to gag so to push through so suddenly was scary.

Michael sat up immediately, “Shit, baby, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to do that. Are you okay?”

He cupped your cheek in his hand and took in your face, looking for any sign that you wanted to stop for the day. He had done the one thing he said he wouldn’t, he pushed past your pace and went for what he was already thinking of, already wanting. Even if he did it by accident.

You didn’t answer right away. With the shock of it wearing off, your heart accelerated at the thought of what had happened. He thrusted into your mouth and if you hadn’t pulled away, he could’ve kept doing so. You imagined yourself gagging around his cock as he reached down your throat, past the tentative limit you had placed for yourself. What had been so scary for you moments ago now filled your mind with a longing. You wanted that feeling again.

So you took your bottom lip between your teeth and nodded shyly up at Michael. “You can…you can do that again, if you want.”

Michael had to have heard you wrong. He felt his length harden almost painfully as he stared at you in wonder. You were there, staring at him timidly while asking him to fuck your mouth. It felt like you were embodying all he had been fantasizing about. He could’ve been dreaming.

He was already collecting your hair back in his hands in a makeshift ponytail. “Are you sure that’s what you want?” He asked. Because once he started, he wouldn’t be able to stop. Not when your mouth was so inviting and he had the chance to take you in a way, yet again, only he had done and will ever do. It was rough, degrading, the most he would have ever done to you and to touch that boundary and open it up to more, countless possibilities that Michael had been constantly thinking of experiencing with you, was exhilarating.

All it took was your silent nod before he lead your mouth back onto him. You took him in so willingly. He let you start moving up and down on his cock by yourself for a moment before he pulled your hair to get you to stop moving. Holding you there, he began moving his hips slowly further into your mouth.

His thrusts weren’t fast or rough but to you, they felt like the perfect pace at the time. When he reached the point where you gagged around him, he closed his eyes and groaned out at the feeling and sound. He kept himself there just for a moment, keeping you from pulling away and feeling the way your throat began closing around him. But then he pulled back and did it all over again. He never pushed you past that point.

And you were enjoying it. With each thrust, each pull of your hair, you squeezed his thighs and moved forward as if begging for more. He had stumbled upon a different side of his girlfriend and he couldn’t love it more.

It all came to a head when, on his final thrust, you leaned forward and took him in entirely. Ignoring your gagging, ignoring the tears in your eyes at the unfamiliarity of it all. You took him until your nose could touch his abdomen.

It was such an unexpected move from you, so inexperienced and nervous. And it might’ve been that unexpectedness of it all and the feeling of your tight throat around him combined with the knowledge that this side of you was so new but you were pushing past your inexperience, you were learning how to please, for him that had him cumming into your mouth without warning. He pulled you off of him in a hurry.

You were gasping and he groaned out loud when he saw you swallow his cum. You probably didn’t even realize how hot that was, just doing it out of pure reflex than anything else if your surprised gaze were anything to go by. He couldn’t have possibly known when he first met you that you would like any of this, share in his preferences, his fantasies. No one could when you looked so innocent. But you submitted to him perfectly and the mix of the two was amazing. Where had you been all his life?

Your face was red and your mascara was running just slightly. Taking your face in his hands, he wiped under your eyes with his thumbs.

“You did great, little one.”

When you smiled brightly up at him at his praise, looking so utterly destroyed by his cock, but still the bubbly girl everyone else thought they knew, he knew right then he wouldn’t be so gentle next time.

He was just excited to see what else you were yet to discover about yourself.

☼

“You’re still so fucking tight, do you think I’m ever going to be able to loosen you up?” Michael grunted as he thrusted into you at a rough pace. It was the first time he had taken you without being gentle, but you were taking it so perfectly. You were splayed on your back in your spacious bed while he stood right at the edge. Your legs spread open completely for him. His body seemed to completely cover yours from above. “Or do I just have to keep fucking you like a whore?”

He enjoyed listening to the high moans leaving your mouth. His cock was driving into you fast, the sounds of your wetness against him as he parted your tight walls joined in your chorus. He didn’t think he’d ever get over just how lucky he was to be able to see your body, naked and open for him like no one ever had before. One of his hands went to your tits and he couldn’t help but lean down and enclose his mouth over it. Loving the way you jumped at surprise at the wet sensation but how you pushed your chest further into his mouth.

His degrading words were new. But he wasn’t so hesitant to use them. From your first time when he had let his dirty talk slip from his mouth, it just came so naturally to him he couldn’t quite control it when he had you under him even if he knew it was your first time and he should’ve been gentler with his words.

But you had just responded with more desperate moans, confided in him that you liked it. You liked it when he wasn’t so cautious, so gentle. He was beginning to think you were made for him. How else did you manage to like everything he had possibly dreamed of doing to you? You were his. Or maybe he was just the bad influence everyone said he was.

But still, at his words now, he started softly. No where near what he wanted to be able to say to you, what he was used to saying. He watched as your breath hitched, so unused to him treating you with anything but veneration. Your face burned at his words, slightly embarrassed. But your moans never changed. In fact, he felt you get even wetter at his words, noticed the way your eyes got a faraway look that could only mean you felt nothing but pleasure at his words and simulations. You liked it. He couldn’t help the relief and excitement running through him.

There was something in him having so much power over you, dominating you even in words that had you heating up with more desire than before. All it did was make you feel more on fire than ever before. Maybe it should have been more of a surprise, Michael had always treated you so delicately, but to have him break a little freer with you, fuck you with everything he had, was more rewarding than anything else. You wanted to be the dirty girl he was calling you, to show him how good you could make him feel, how much you would submit to him because you were his. You had already been given a taste of his mean words and you wanted more. No matter how fucked up it may be.

When he took a hold of your hips and began pounding into you, slowly at first, testing the waters, and then faster, you responded exactly like he hoped you would. You were getting used to sex with him easily. Though it was rougher than he’d ever been with you, you still ground your hips against his thrusts, desperately at the increased stimulation that only brought you more pleasure. It was a hunch, if you liked his dirty talk and degrading words, that you would like it rougher. And he had never been so happy to be right.

“Look at you, your cunt stuffed with my cock. What happened to the shy, nice little girl all your professors and classmates see? What would they say to know I had you spread open for me, moaning like a submissive, horny bitch.”

You gasped at his words and for a moment he thought he went too far. But your moans were a mixture of whines, mewls and gasps as you arched your back at the sensation. Your bare body was writhing and you felt your heart constrict at his tone. It was so new, the feeling of your walls being forced open, his words being dirtier and meaner with each breath and though it felt shocking and even sore at the harsh pace he set that you were unaccustomed to, he saw you accept and like them all the same. Because right along with those feelings came a dirty excitement of being presented with such a new and different part of yourself, one you had to thank Michael for.

He was still testing you, seeing just how degrading his words and mean his name calls could be until you asked him to stop, but you just kept moaning, begging for more. Even as he watched you carefully, making sure his words were okay, that you could handle them (and he begged that you would because he loved using them). Even when he dropped the most degrading and humiliating words he had ever used with you. But fuck, the image he had planted in your mind, the way he had total control over you body and even your mind right then had you spasming under him.

It was a lot, you’d never heard those types of words directed to you but you loved it just as much as he did. Because you were all of that and more for him, only for him. And that knowledge was proving to make this experience so much stronger, hotter and good the you’d ever had it before. The way he rubbed against your walls, reaching the deepest and most pleasurable depth he could in that position was addicting.

The speed and roughness of it just amplified how good it felt. It felt good when he was gentle but when he wild, when he didn’t hold back, it felt sinfully good. And how could he hold back now when it was obvious he had no reason to, his girl was taking everything he threw at you with such ease and desire, he could do everything he ever fantasized doing to you and sure he’d been rough before with others but nothing felt this fulfilling and exciting. Because this time, you, his love, were the one he was doing it with, you were the one he was dominating and changing.

He grabbed your face roughly, his big hand covering much of your face but his thumb was right near your mouth. Enough for you to part your lips and to take his finger in, reveling in the way he cursed under his breath. When you looked up at him innocently, his thumb in your warm mouth he thought of nothing else but sheathing himself in your mouth again, the feeling of you gagging around him. Or even the feeling of just prying your lips open and seeing what else you’d let of his in between your lips and into your mouth. You were a tease, even when you didn’t do it on purpose. He should’ve expected it.

You were being treated exactly like the slut he was making you to be for him. And you loved it. You loved even more that he seemed to know what you liked without you even having to tell him. Without you even knowing yourself. He could read you so well.

“Fuck, yeah. I should’ve known you’d like it rough.” Watching you come undone by his actions, his roughness was like magic. He was claiming you as his own and it felt like it, it felt like he was taking you with an animalistic possessiveness that was only felt when he was this aggressive, not holding back, when fucking you. It was something you both were surprised you liked so much. You liked to be dominated, claimed and used and he was more than happy to comply. He was more than happy to be the reason you discovered that about yourself.

“Feels so good, Mikey.” Your voice was trembling.

But your moans weren’t enough for him. He needed more, he needed to have you almost screaming for him. Wanted to see what he had to do to please you the most he could because he intended to make you feel so good that nothing could ever measure up to the feeling of him.

So he pulled out of you, relishing in the way you whimpered at the loss of him. Even with being so new to sex, you were already addicted to the feeling of him inside of you. His dick was wet with your juices and he used it to stroke himself as he flipped your small body around easily.

It was sinful, almost, the sight of you on all fours, ass out in front of him, waiting and willing. He kneaded your ass, spreading your legs just a bit more. You were stiff, nervous and he let his hand glide to the small of your back to help you relax. You weren’t used to any position other than missionary and while Michael’s entire body seemed to buzz with excitement at having you in a new way, to find out how you would react in this new position, if you liked it more, his priority was that you were comfortable.

Maybe that was why he decided to ready you up. His mouth was on you before you could realize that was what he was planning. You gasped out, you body lurching forward but he kept you there as his tongue licked hungrily between your lips. It was like nothing you’d ever felt before, it made you feel so sensitive. He’d never eaten you out before, mostly because of your reservations.

“M-Michael!” Your voice was surprised and breathy.

Michael mumbled against you, “I got you, relax. I’ll make you feel good, I promise.”

But, even with how different it felt from his cock and how new it was, it still felt so good. When his tongue reached your clit, you moaned against the mattress. The initial shock had worn off and instead you just enjoyed him making good of his promise. His goal was to relax you and it was exactly what he achieved, your body moved naturally in the position. And when you slowly arched your back more so that your face and chest were to the bed, he never knew doggy could look so good, so perfect.

“Oh-my….yes, fuck….”

You tasted so good, so much so that he wondered how he had allowed himself to be restraint from tasting you like this. He could be between your legs for hours with no complaints. And he would, another time. Because this was an addicting introduction. For you both. You loved it, so much more than you thought you would. You didn’t feel embarrassed or shy like you expected but maybe it was because you weren’t facing him, that he caught you off guard. He was so good at it. With just his mouth, he had you seeing stars. When he began sucking, he felt your scream against the blanket under you and the bucking of your hips against his lips. If this was how you sounded and responded in this position just by getting head, he couldn’t imagine just how good you would sound when he actually fucked you. Doggy was a good decision on his part, eating you out in that position was even better.

He smirked at your sound of protest when he stood up again, licking his lips, wet from your slick. It only took one hand for him to settle you directly in front of him again. When he teased the tip of his cock to your slit again, he noticed how much wetter you had gotten. He wasn’t sure if it was from this position or from what he had just done to you. Probably both.

He always knew his size turned you on, you loved being so smaller than he was, having to stare up at him, having his frame engulf your little one so easily. And he loved it too, as much or maybe more than you did. He loved how easy it was so dominate you, how cute and innocent you looked because of it, how tight you were and how big his cock was for you. But to know you liked it when he used it to his advantage, throwing you around like a doll, a toy, manhandling you, had him plunging into you. He found your entrance so easily, as if by second nature by now even though it had only been a few times since having sex for the first time. It was like you were made for him.

You gasped out at the new angle, writhing forward. He reached new parts of you that you didn’t know was possible. Your fingers curled in front of you, he was so deep in you and you couldn’t help but cry out in pleasure when he started moving. It was almost too much, too new.

“You’re okay, you're taking me so well. You feel so good like this.” Michael tried to calm you, knowing just how alien everything was to you still. His words were so starkly different from his degrading words before that you were almost in wonder how he managed to mix them so perfectly.

Michael had gotten exactly what he wanted. You were moaning louder than ever, part of it due to the novelty of the position. And as he thrusted into you, the slapping sounds of your skin meeting increasing in sound as each gentle thrust met your hips, the more you let out the loud moans and mini screams of his name he had been yearning to hear. It was the perfect pace for you, nice and easy for your first time. It made you feel comfortable and so, so hot.

Even as he went slower, gentler to get you used to the new position, you still reacted like this. You loved this position, that much was obvious, and if it got you so wet and weak, he soon decided he did too. He just wished he could see your face, scrunched up with pleasure and for your moans to not be muffled. But he could sacrifice that if you felt so good with how you were right then.

He spanked your ass without even thinking of it. When he caught himself, he held his breath for what your reaction would be. But his thrusts never sped up. No matter how much he wanted to. Your skin turned a light shade of pink for a moment and if that sight alone wasn’t enough to have him grabbing your hair and pulling it back like he knew now you liked, your reaction certainly drove him to it.

You jumped a bit at the surprise at the sting, but it didn’t take you long to be moaning again, this time pushing back against his cock. You wanted more. His innocent little girlfriend wanted to be spanked more.

He spanked you again, harder this time and he felt feverish when all you did was moan his name again. You were definitely more comfortable now on all fours and Michael had to wrap his hand around your long hair to pull your face out of the mattress. He wanted to hear every little sound coming out of your mouth, sounds he was just being introduced to because this position seemed to bring out the kinkiest version of you.

So your face was held in the air, helpless moans leaving your mouth while your eyes were closed, reveling in how deep you felt Michael inside you with each slow thrust, how he bottomed out in you with each thrust. You were practically trembling under him. It was a lot, more than you’ve taken of him ever but you were taking it so well. You looked beautiful like that. Ruined for him. He should’ve had you like this much sooner. He would have if he had any idea just how much you would respond to him like this.

And he did. Eventually, it was starting to feel that he’d have you bent across any surface whenever he could, because now that he had a taste of you he was addicted. He would bend you over his bathroom counter, the couch, the kitchen, hell even the kitchen table.

But he wanted louder. Wanted you to be so pleased by him that you were almost delirious, that you could never think of anything or anyone but him when it came to being pleasured.

☼

“Think you can handle one more, baby girl?” His voice was sweet but it didn’t belong in that situation. Not when he had your spread out body before him, shaking after three orgasms and the prospect of however many more he wanted to give you. He said he would teach you all about sex and help you learn what you liked and what he liked. And he was definitely making good on the promise. Many, many times.

He loved seeing you like that. So destroyed by him already, your cum dripping messily from your bodies to the bed under you. He wanted to fuck you until you couldn’t stand anymore, let alone remember anything but his name. He wanted to fuck you until you were filled with his cum, until he bred into you so good that there would be no question of who you belonged to, who had made your stomach so round with his seed. But he would keep that to himself for now. It was enough to live out one kink at a time and this one, was serving to please him just fine for the time being.

But he wasn’t sure if he should push you like that yet. It was a big step, even with what you’ve already taken. You’d never come three times in a row and he knew he would be pushing you to take more. You had indulged him in this fantasy, knowing he wanted to see you like this and experience you around him through multiple releases (which felt heavenly with each squeeze of your walls) and he was so appreciative that you, not knowing what he was suggesting entailed completely, put your faith in him anyway despite not being even sure you could handle it. He didn’t want to overstep. He had to ask, had to make sure you were up for it, that you wanted it. Maybe in the future he would eventually just know how much you could handle.

“I know you can, little one. But are you absolutely sure?” He was making small movements with his hips to keep pushing into you. One of your legs was on his shoulder and this new position he had put you in pushed him impossible deeper into you with each thrust and had gotten you much more vocal just like he had suspected. He was enjoying finding just what positions made you the most vocal. 

You were sobbing out from the sheer overstimulation of it all but the worse part was that, though you were definitely sore already, you still didn’t hesitate to nod your head. It still felt so good and while you might be kicking yourself for it later, right now you didn’t care just how ruined your body was going to be later. All you cared was the way he, still inside of you, was stretching you out so well.

Maybe it was the exhaustion creeping towards you already that had your next words slipping out. “Yes, daddy.”

Everything stopped. Michael froze, his eyes unreadable and trained on you. Your eyes widened and you felt like you wanted to crawl into a hole and die of embarrassment. You didn’t know where that came from, hadn’t meant to say it. It hadn’t even really been on your mind. Not really anyway. Your worse fear was that Michael would be weirded out, move away and maybe even break up with you. Your face was burning with how red you had gotten.

“What did you just say?”

“I-I’m sorry, I didn’t mean-”

But Michael had started thrusting again, harder than before. Harder than he ever had before. And you couldn’t answer him. All you could do was close your eyes as your face scrunched at the pleasure, your sounds was a mixture of screams and gasps at your already overstimulated core being absolutely plowed into.

Michael’s eyes had gotten darker and his jaw set. His grip on your hips tightened considerably.

“Call me that again.” His voice was deeper than you ever heard it and his face was focused on you, he bit at his bottom lip as he stared at you. You’d never seen him look so out of control - whatever he was feeling, it was overwhelming him. His eyes were wide, his breathing grew heavier.

“W-what?” You could barely get that out. You were still too embarrassed to even know why he was asking that of you. Was it just to embarrass you more?

But his hand came down and fisted the blanket under you, right beside your head. His took it and his fingers flexed before bunching the fabric in his palm as if he was trying to control himself from doing something else that was on his mind.

And controlling himself was something he needed. Because to hear your small voice call him something so dominating, so erotic, especially when he hadn’t expected it, had him fighting against himself to keep from absolutely losing control in a way he had been careful not to with you. It was still too early in your sex life for that. At least that’s what he kept repeating to his hopelessly tempted mind.

“Say it again.” His voice was gruff and his strained words were a demand.

One you couldn’t disobey. “Daddy.” You moaned out.

“Fuck.” He said it under his breath before saying it louder. “Fuck.” It was as if his mind was overloaded, couldn’t put his thoughts into words. He’d been called daddy before, it was a word slipped out every now and then. But he couldn’t remember liking it this much. He couldn’t remember the same feeling of the tightening in his stomach and the complete urge to ram into you so that you couldn’t even have that false pretense of innocence you carried around because you would be completely exhausted and wrecked by the time he was done with you.

And as his hips thrusted deeper and rougher against yours, he was achieving just that. His little girl, unwittingly giving him all the control he had been holding back, was practically screaming as he hovered above you, giving him the perfect balance to be able to plow into you in a speed that he knew you weren’t used to. Now it wasn’t just about overstimulating you, seeing how many orgasms he could give you, now it was about dominating you utterly and completely. In a way he had been holding himself back from.

It got to the point where he picked you up entirely. Your little figure was much more obvious with how easy it was to lift and just hold in the air as he moved you in and out to meet his thrusts. He had completely control of your body. This was new for both of you, this position. But if your reaction was anything to go by, you loved the absolute thrill it gave you, the thrill of his strength and of a reminder of just how small you were in comparison to him. And without any support of the bed, his thick cock felt so much bigger than before, you felt yourself being stretched wide for him. You loved him for making you feel so good, for teaching you these dirty, hot positions.

Your face was scrunched up at the stimulations and your cute shrieks were breathy, temporarily forgetting just how sore you already were a few moments before. But you were still taking him like your tight cunt was made for him. And he was convinced it was. Even with how much his thick cock had to fight against your walls to be able to bottom out in you.

“That’s right. Good fucking girl.” He muttered. His eyes trailed down to your lips and then further, to where he had intentionally avoided for months, since you first had sex because he had always been afraid of crossing a line so early: your neck.

Your head was leaning back, making your neck so much more accessible, so inviting. He could already imagine how perfectly his hand would look around it.

“Daddy wants to try something, baby girl. Gonna let me?” He said.

And to hear it come out of his own mouth, him owning the title you had given him so strongly, had you whimpering and nodding as he set you back down on the bed, without even wondering what exactly he was thinking. You’d let him do it all. You were so desperate and so incredibly needy for him.

But you hadn’t expected to feel one of his hands wrap around your neck. You stopped breathing for just a second at the surprise. It was a vulnerable position, one you had never even considered being in before. And the dominance it gave Michael, even more so than usual had him weak.

As you felt his fingers squeeze just slightly, your eyes widened considerably. And he loved it. He loved the way your mouth fell open from the surprise, the look of your eyes almost popping out of your head as he cut your oxygen little by little. You looked so cute, so innocently shocked at how absolutely sadistic your boyfriend turned out to be. Too bad you didn’t realize how much fun he would have in tainting you to love it just as much as he does. As if you didn’t already. He didn’t squeeze too hard for your first time, but enough for you to feel it.

He saw the exact moment you started to feel the effect, the feeling at your fingers and feet that made every little movement of his feel that much more amplified. Because your walls tightened around him, causing him to groan out gutturally.  

“You like that? Like being choked by daddy?”

You couldn’t bring yourself to say anything. Because once your mind was drawn to his hand around your neck, his tattoos clashing shockingly with your completely bare skin was hotter than you ever imagined. If you would’ve known it would look like that, feel like that (as if everything you normally felt was crashing through you tenfold), you would have been begging for him to choke you a lot sooner.

If this wasn’t your first time like this, maybe he would have forced you to answer, be more vocal like he wanted. But he let it go this time. When his hand finally squeezed you harder, you squeaked out a gasp. Michael wanted to come right then and there. You were still so unsure about it but you made no move to move his hand away and you looked so good with his hand around your neck, just like he knew you would. You looked like his. You loved him, trusted him, enough even to do this and he had never felt more provoked to cum in you, to mark you as his inside and out.

So when he squeezed just one final time, he was not surprised when you came around him almost immediately. Not with how much stronger you felt the pleasure at each of his thrusts, each time his balls slapped against your skin as he went all the way into you, pushing open your tight walls around his girth. Your already fucked out cunt from the hours previous creamed around him and you sobbed as you did so, the overstimulation finally coming back to hit you, this time harder at the rough fuck he had just given you. But it was your fucking fault. He couldn’t be expected to hold himself back when you looked at him with those naive, almost gullible looking eyes, and calling him daddy with the cute voice you used on the rest of the world.

And by the time he came inside you, letting his cum fill you up to the brim before pulling out, he saw you the way he always loved to see you. Legs spread, his cum staining your cunt and thighs, heavy breathing, eyelids drooping and your mouth open, completely and utterly fucked out, exhausted and looking so ruined because of him. This time, he could see small hints of red at your throat where his hand had enclosed around it. And he never felt more pride.

He was sure the universe, the heavens, were cursing him for taking something so pure and defiling it to the state you were in right now. He had taken a demure little virgin and tainted her, leading her down a wicked path he was paving for her. You were the type of girl who should’ve had a nice, regular (boring) boyfriend with a life filled of vanilla sex and planned out events. Not this. Not a giant boyfriend, that screamed bad news, who wanted nothing more to ruin you, destroy your pureness and defile you in the filthy ways he was sure you would never had imagined for yourself.

But he didn’t care, he had claimed you. And little by little, he had helped you discover a new part of you, one he had a large part of creating, that was weak for him and so utterly submissive that your small little body craved every perverted thing he planned on doing, had done, to you.

[tmngoose]

Since the writings requests things were yesterday I don't know if you still have them, but maybe something with Donnie dislocating his shoulder and the others freaking out while he's like "chill this has happened more than once while testing my inventions" and his brothers just look horrified like "MORE THAN ONCE!?"?

You got it, fam — CW for Shoulder Dislocation! Hurt/Comfort inbound! :U

((Note: I wrote this running on 2 hours of sleep and no beta. I didn’t even realize I was writing in the present-tense & I don’t normally do that lol OTL))

—x—

It’s Donnie’s turn on the half-pipe. He’s steadily building speed, gaining momentum with each relay up the sloped boards.

Raph, Leo, and Mikey watch Donnie soar high above the ramp; his hang-time is impressive.

But just as Donnie comes back down to the ramp, the nose of his skateboard catches the outcrop. With a yell, Donnie falls to the ground, flailing.

He lands hard on his shoulder, then slumps onto his side; his skateboard clatters to the floor a few seconds later.

“Ow...,” Donnie whines flatly.

There’s a chorus of sympathetic groaning from Mikey, Leo, and Raph. It’s nothing they haven’t seen before; they’ve all beefed it on the half-pipe.

But Raph notices that Donnie’s taking a little too long to recover. The Snapper’s concern activates his big-brother instincts and he jumps down from the ledge; Leo and Mikey right behind him.

“Hey, you alright, Dee?” Raph carefully assists a woozy Donatello to sit upright.

Leo kneels in front of the dazed turtle, “Quick, how many fingers am I holding up?”

Before Donnie can answer, Mikey cries out in horror, “Omigosh! His arm’s falling off!!”

There’s a brief moment of panic between them, which Donatello dispels, “Would you guys please calm down.” He tenderly rubs his shoulder, assessing the damage. “It’s only a dislocated shoulder, that’s all.”

“That’s all?!” Mikey grimaces. “Look at your arm, man!” He shudders at the sight, though there’s something cool about the way his brother’s arm hangs awkwardly in the air.

“Y’know, you’re taking this very well for someone who milked the theatrics when they popped their ankle...” Leo folds his arms, recalling the infamous incident.

“Okay, first of all? That actually hurt and all my emotions were authentic, thank you very much,” Donnie pokes his shoulder. “Secondly, this isn’t my first rodeo...”

“Whoa, time out,” Raph makes a ‘T’ with his hands. “Are you sayin’ this sorta thing’s happened before?” The older turtle frowns. He likes to think he keeps tabs on all his brothers’ injuries — after all, he is responsible for them.

“Lab accidents happen, my friend,” Donnie shrugs his good shoulder. “Now, worry not, this’ll just take a second...”

The mechanical-arms on his spider-shell spring into action. They secure the misaligned socket, straighten Donnie’s arm, and pop everything back into place.

Raph, Leo, and Mikey cringe. It looks painful, though Donnie’s accustomed to the fleeting discomfort of the procedure.

The Softshell rolls his shoulder, flexes out the kinks, and smiles, “There! Good as new!” But his smile fades upon seeing his brothers’ solemn expressions, “Uh, guys?”

“You said ‘accidents,’” Leo points out. “With an ‘s.’”

“Yeeees, that would be the proper way one uses plurals, Nardo,” Donnie offers his siblings a reassuring grin, “Look, fellas, it’s no big deal, really. So I’ve dislocated my shoulder a few times! It’s actually quite the common occurrence! 23.9 per 100,000 people—“

“That’s not the problem, Donnie,” Raph cuts in. “Why didn’t you tell us you’ve been poppin’ out your shoulder like it’s nobody’s business?”

Donnie blinks, “I... didn’t think you guys needed to know?” There’s a beat, “I mean, it wasn’t anything I couldn’t handle by myself...”

Ah, Raph thinks to himself. Now that makes sense.

Donnie’s an intelligent, independent turtle, who’s capable of problem solving and fixing (almost) anything. It’s no wonder they knew nothing about these accidents; why sound the alarm when the fire’s already extinguished?

Raph’s moment of clarity is Donnie’s as well. Nobody’s upset at him for withholding information— his brothers just care so much about him. He didn’t mean to scare them...

“I’ll be sure to record any future mishaps in the accident log,” Donnie states quietly. “But honestly? I’m okay.”

“Heh, we know, Don.” Raph sighs, his face softens. “We’re glad you’re okay.”

With Leo and Mikey’s help, Raph hoists Donnie onto his feet. The group hug is inevitable yet Donnie doesn’t mind.

[official-weasley]

The Extraordinary Dragon (Part 3/6)

A fluffy story about Charlie training a dragon with a sad and mysterious past.

Warnings: Charlie not obeying any rules! Word Count: 2,778

I couldn’t believe it. I have been gone for 15 minutes and the dragon was nowhere to be found. How does one lose a bloody dragon? How does a thing of the size of a small van disappear?

I looked everywhere in the vicinity of Asterin’s habitat but I couldn’t find her. I know she can’t fly and on foot, she can’t be that fast that she would go to any other dragon enclosure. So where could she be?

I looked at my wristwatch, it was almost 9 o’clock. How am I supposed to find a black dragon in the dark?

I had no choice, however, if my boss finds out that I lost her on the first day of her being here, he is not only going to take this opportunity away from me but I am pretty sure I will get fired. Dragon on a loose is dangerous enough, but with 5 villages around the reserve, it’s even worse.

I checked every place the dragon could be in the 500-meter radius. I was getting desperate and was ready to go wake up Matthew and tell him what happened when I remembered that I haven’t checked the nearby forest.

Since Asterin was found by the MacFusty family inside one and was hurt and scared, it didn’t even come to mind that that is where she could be.

I hurried to the edge of the forest and lit up my wand – it was too dark to see anything without it.

About 5 minutes of me walking, I heard the rustling of leaves. I lowered my wand as I didn’t want to shine the light directly into the dragon’s eyes and took a few cautious steps forward trying to make as little noise as possible.

“Asterin, it’s me, Charlie. Please don’t get startled. I just wanted to bring you some food.” I whispered.

I have never been so afraid of a dragon before. I didn’t know her well enough to predict her next move. I know I should stay calm as she can sense fear but I couldn’t help it. She could just jump at me and eat me alive. Maybe that’s her delicacy – eating people.

“Asterin?” I tried calling her again.

I heard a twig break and pointed my wand in the direction of the sound. I thought my heart was going to jump out of my ribcage when I didn’t see anything but a pair of purple eyes. I took a step backward and lowered my wand.

“Asterin, please, you can’t be in the forest. It’s not safe for you.” I said with a gentle voice. I saw smoke coming out of her nostrils and that doesn’t mean anything good. If she breathes fire in the forest she can endanger the two Hungarian Horntails on the other side of it that just had their eggs hatched two weeks ago.

I knew I had to do something about it and get the dragon out. There was no time for panic or me chickening out.

Chicken! That’s it!

I tried not to show too much excitement not to startle the dragon.

“Asterin, I am just going to get something and I’ll be right back.” I took a few steps backward, looking her directly in the eyes before turning around and returning to the food supply hut.

If she doesn’t want to eat meat – especially the Hebridean Black favorite, deer – then maybe she has to have another preference.

I unlocked the door and went straight to the baby dragon section. Chicken blood and brandy. If she can’t eat solids, then maybe this will do the trick to get her back to her habitat!

“Asterin, I brought you something,” I whispered the second I knew I was getting close to where she was before. I carefully lifted my lit wand to spot her eyes – she didn’t move from where she was before I left.

“I think you’ll love this. It smells delicious!” I tried sounding cheerful and even though my heartbeat has slowed down, I was still a bit nervous.

I placed a huge bucket a few meters away from her and poured the contents of 2 bottles inside. I looked around and picked a large stick from the ground to mix the two and slowly backed away.

“Try it. I made this especially for you.” I grinned at the dragon whose nostrils stopped smoking and was now eyeing the bucket with curiosity.

“I promise it’s good and it will make you big and strong.” I sat down on the ground, patiently waiting for her to move.

Asterin let out a silent growl and took a cautious step toward the bucket. She sniffed the chicken blood and brandy and then locked eyes with me as if she was reading my face.

“It’s okay. It smells good, doesn’t it?” I couldn’t help but giggle. She was adorable even for her size. “Look, it’s safe to eat. I like it too!”

I opened a bottle of brandy and took a few sips. Even though I am not big on alcohol, especially brandy, I acted as if it’s the most delicious thing I have ever drunk.

Asterin was now looking at me with her head tilted to the side and waiting as if she expected me to drop dead on the ground.

“You have a lot of trust issues, don’t you?” I furrowed my brows. I wish I would know what happened to her so that I could plan to approach her in the right way.

After staring at me for 5 minutes, she sniffed the liquid in the bucket again and tasted the liquid with her tongue. I couldn’t believe how fast the bucket was empty. I got her to eat!

I stood up slowly and opened a bottle with chicken blood and the brandy I opened for myself before and started walking out of the forest making a trail of liquids. When I reached the edge of the forest I heard stomps behind me and a smile creased my face as I couldn’t believe my method worked.

Asterin was walking slowly and stopping every few steps to look around her and make sure she is not in danger. It broke my heart seeing her so frightened.

The first day a dragon is transported here, it usually sleeps and the next day starts exploring its habitat. It rarely happens that the dragon doesn’t feel comfortable with the amount of effort we put into the habitats and how strikingly they resemble the wild.

I have witnessed at least a dozen dragons coming here since I started working and I have never seen one so aware of its surroundings and with such a strong will to escape.

From the looks Matthew gave me every day before Asterin came here, I knew that handling this dragon won’t be a piece of cake but I was not prepared for this.

The second he told me that I will be in charge of a Hebridean Black I rushed home and started working on my strategy and read as many articles and facts about the breed. Of course, I knew all of it already but it eased my mind to refresh my memory.

Even though nervous, I was ready to start taming the dragon, to try and befriend her but her running away took me off guard. Asterin proved to me that she is not an ordinary dragon, not an ordinary Hebridean Black and that I will have to come up with a new plan to make her trust me before I visit her for breakfast in the morning.

After what seemed like 2 hours, Asterin finally came to the end of my chicken blood and brandy trail and curved up into a ball. I waited for her to close her eyes and for her breathing to steady so that I knew she was asleep before silently returning home.

It was 3 in the morning when I came back but I had no time to sleep. The first step in my training with Asterin has to be that she is comfortable with her surroundings and knows that she is safe. And I can’t waste any time sleeping when I can work out a plan.

Pacing up and down my kitchen for about an hour, I knew what I had to do. I also knew that my boss was going to kill me for it but there wasn’t another way.

It was clear that Asterin started gulping down the mixture when she saw me drinking the brandy. The gesture let her know that it was safe. So if I want to make her feel safe in her new home, she has to see that I am safe in it too.

It seems that she trusts me on the level to trust my judgment – at least to some degree – and if that is the only way I can make her see that she is okay here and that she has nothing to worry about then I have to be a bit mad and break a few rules.

I slept for one hour before my alarm clock woke me up and I hurried to get some clothes on me, quickly washed my teeth, skipped breakfast, going straight to Asterin.

She was already awake when I arrived with a fresh bucket of chicken blood and brandy. I took the biggest one I could find. It already takes a ridiculous amount of both to feed a baby dragon so I can’t imagine how much she needs so she can properly grow into the size she is supposed to be at her age.

At around one year a dragon should be halfway to its full size not looking like a Muggle minivan.

I placed the bucket a safe distance away from her and backed away to give her space to eat. She needed a moment to start sniffing the air and taking a step toward her breakfast but it was faster than yesterday so I was proud of her.

When she was done, she slammed the bucket into a nearby tree with her paw and sat down on the spot where the bucket was before.

“I’ll have to order more buckets, won’t I?” I chuckled and scratched my ear. “At least you ate. Was it good?” I dared to look her in the eyes and she replied with a huff.

I waited a minute more to see if she was going to move but as she decided to sit still as a statue, her claws deep in the ground again, it was time to test the idea I came up with when I got home last night.

I took a deep breath and hoped that this won’t get me fired. As I already said we only have 3 rules but if we break them, the consequences can be severe. I was aware that I could lose my job for this but if I prove myself right then I know what an approach I have to take.

I sat down on the ground a safe distance away from her and took off my gloves and the fireproof hat first. The dragon laid down with her head held high, waiting for my next move.

I took off all my body protective gear and sat down, wearing nothing but a t-shirt and trousers. I hugged my legs and rested my head on my knees, waiting for her response.

To my surprise, she lowered her head but her claws were still not relaxed, her eyes on me.

“Charles, what in the bloody hell are you doing?”

I wasn’t even surprised to hear Matthew’s angry voice. I knew that me taking off my gear was wrong and I was putting myself in danger.

“Please, Matthew, let me explain,” I said calmly, my eyes on Asterin who was now standing up and looked as if she was ready to run away again.

“Oh, you will explain. Why are you without your gear and why do you look like you only slept for an hour last night?” He looked down at me when he reached me, an angry expression on his face, waiting for my answer.

“Asterin ran into the forest last night and she didn’t want to eat anything, not even chicken blood and brandy until I drank some of the brandy. So I thought that since she is so frightened it might help her to see that if I am not protected and feel safe so can she.” I cleared my throat. “Oh, and I did in fact sleep only for one hour.” I finally took my eyes off the dragon and looked up at my boss.

“Is that why a supply is missing from the food hut and why the gate to the forest is broken?” Matthew looked puzzled. “Yes, I am sorry. I will order more food for baby dragons, on me if needed, I just wanted her to eat something and I will fix the fence right after I am finished here.” I smiled apologetically.

“Why would you feed a 1-year-old dragon blood and brandy anyway?”

“Well, you said that her teeth were damaged and that it might pain her if she chews so I tried the liquid diet,” I explained.

“And did she eat?” Matthew sounding impressed now looking from me to Asterin.

“After I drank some brandy in front of her.”

“Okay, we will order more if she’s willing to eat.” He nodded. “Is that what you gave her for breakfast too?”

“Yes, and she ate it all already.”

“We will need to ask the research team to find out how much of this she should get per day so she can grow.” Matthew sat down next to me, observing her behavior.

“Are her claws always this…”

“Tense?” Matthew nodded as I finished his sentence. “Yes. That’s why I broke the rules and took off my equipment. I am trying to prove to her that it’s safe here.”

“And here I was thinking you have lost your mind.” He let out a silent chuckle.

“Are you going to fire me?” I bowed my head.

“No, Charles. I trust that you know what you are doing. Just please inform me of any kind of recklessness you are going to try with Asterin before I have a heart attack thinking you have a death wish standing in a brown t-shirt in front of a Hebridean Black.” He winked at me.

“I will try. There was no time yesterday.”

“I understand. I will leave you to it then. Hopefully, you can make some progress in the next 14 days. She has to have her health examination with the healers then.”

“I will try my best.” I nodded and bestowed him with a small smile.

Matthew got up and put his hand on my shoulder reassuringly. Before he could walk away or take another glimpse at Asterin, she roared so loudly that it hurt my ears. She got up so abruptly that Matt stumbled backward and fell.

I got up and got closer to her to see if I can do some damage control as it looked as if she was going to scorch Matthew at any moment now.

“Hey, it’s okay. See, I am fine.” I tapped on the shoulder Matt did before. “He didn’t do anything to me. Matthew is okay, we can trust him, right?” I turned to my boss who looked horrified. He nodded, stood up, and dusted his equipment.

“Matt, take off your gear,” I whispered.

“What?”

“Take it off.”

“Are you mental? Why would I do that? She just tried attacking me.” Matthew frowned.

“We have to prove to her that you’re trustworthy.”

Matt sighed but obeyed me anyway. Asterin’s nostrils were blowing out smoke, her eyes on him.

“Here, see I am not here to harm you or Charlie.” He lifted his hands in defense, bowing his head a little.

“I told you he is on our side. You can calm down.” I turned to her, talking with a soothing voice.

Asterin laid back down and huffed the smoke out.

“Well, you’re doing something right that she’s protective of you.” Matthew sighed in relief that Asterin decided to keep him alive.

“I guess. I have to think of a way to approach her and to make her relax.” I pressed my lips together, thinking. “I didn’t think this was going to be so difficult.”

“You can still back out and let someone else try,” Matthew suggested.

“No, I can do it,” I said with determination in my voice. “I enjoy the challenge.” “I know you do, Charles.” Matthew smiled and walked away.

[acreativeme]

A Positive Secret

A Positive Secret

Clinton Skye x Reader 

Before the arguing started, Y/N and Clinton had decided that it was okay for her to go back to work. They began arguing shortly afterwards with Clinton taking more assignments away from home and not allowing her to have time to secure a job. Y/N sent out feelers right after their talk, hoping to get into the workforce after three years away.But those hopes were dashed, because Clinton took an assignment away from home. 

The arguing started as he was packing to leave for his assignment. 

Y/N shut their bedroom door, not wanting to wake the twins. “How could you, Clinton Skye?”

He froze, clutching the strap of his suitcase. “What are you carrying on about, Y/N?” 

“You took an assignment away from home! We talked away about me going back to work and you cutting back to help with the twins.” Y/N whisper-shouted, frustration evident in her voice.

He rolled his eyes, pulling some clothes from the closet. “This is a great opportunity for me! I think you can wait a little bit longer to get back to work, I mean it’s been three years and no one has missed you”

Y/N’s jaw dropped, tears welling in her eyes. “Clinton, you don’t mean that.” 

Clinton turned to her with a serious look on his face, which broke Y/N’s heart. “I am very serious, Y/N.”

Y/N was speechless, trying to process everything Clinton had just said.  In the 12 years that they had been together, he had never said anything so heartless. Clinton eyed her as he left the room, deciding that it would be best just to leave. 

Y/N fell onto the bed, not moving until the cries of her children rang through the baby monitor on the nightstand. For the next several weeks, Y/N had focused on taking care of her children and finding a job that she could do from home. Whenever Clinton would call, which was only twice a week, they’d spend most of it arguing about anything and everything. Clinton’s mother would try to get them both on a conference call to work things out, but both refused to talk about their problems with her. After a lot of talking with his mother, the couple decided to go to couples counseling as soon as Clinton returned from his assignment. 

Positive..

Y/N racked her brain, trying to remember if she had overlooked any pregnancy symptoms. Nothing was coming to mind, which means all of the stress she’s been under was masking them. How was she supposed to tell Clinton that she was pregnant, when they couldn’t talk without fighting? 

Buzz.. Buzz..

Y/N jumped as her alarm buzzed, stating that it was time for her to leave for therapy. She quickly cleaned up the bathroom, not wanting to leave any evidence of the test out in the open for her in-laws to find. She slipped in her sneakers before slipping down the hall to the living room, where her in-laws were with the twins. 

She leaned down and kissed both girls heads, “Be good for grandma and grandpa.” She smiled down at them as they acted like she hadn’t interrupted their conversation. She turned to face the older couple, “thank you for watching them.” 

Marilou just smiled at her daughter-in-law. “It is our pleasure.” She pulled Y/N in for a hug. “Just go work on your relationship.” 

Y/N nodded, squeezing her tightly. “I will.” Y/N said goodbye and rushed to her car. She sat with the motor running, staring down at her stomach. “Let’s go see your father..” 

The therapist office was only twenty minutes from the Y/L/N-Skye home, so Y/N made it with ten minutes to spare. She noticed that Clinton’s car was already in the parking lot, though he was not in it. She had to take some deep breaths, trying to calm her anxiety. She hadn’t seen Clinton in person in weeks, which made her nervous and slightly excited.

After that first session, their therapist decided to do both individual and couples counseling-- stating that the pair needed to get reacquainted with themselves as they worked on their relationship. Each week, whether Clinton was in town or not, they would meet as her last appointment so as to not rush the pair to talk. After their first session, Clinton couldn’t meet in person as he was out on assignment but he would skype in. A part of Y/N had begun to ache as the weeks turned to months without him, but the other half was filled with anxiety for how she was going to tell him she was pregnant. 

Y/N paced the lobby, one hand resting on her swollen stomach. She had to keep touching it to remind her that she was actually pregnant, because she wasn’t as big with this pregnancy as she was with the twins-which threw her off.  Clinton wasn’t here yet, so she still had time to go over her speech-- which she has been working on since she found out. 

The sound of the office door opening caused her to jump, dropping her hand to her side. “Clinton.” She clutched her chest. 

He chuckled, feeling happy to see her in person. “I’m sorry, love. I didn’t mean to scare you.” His voice was soft and warm, which made her happy. 

She smiled softly at him, heart filled with warmth. “I just wasn’t expecting you to come in at that moment.”

He brushed back his hair, weirdly nervous to be talking face to face with his wife. “Jess let me go early, wanting to make sure that I made it in time. I mean, I too wanted to be on time…” 

Y/N blushed, feeling like a teenager again. “Well, you are actually early.” She giggled, adjusting her sweater sleeves. 

Before Clinton could say anything, the door opened and revealed their therapist, Dr. Rodrick. “Hello, Mr. and Mrs. Skye. How are we tonight?” She asked, signaling for them to follow after her. 

Y/N smiled as she walked through the doorway. “Good, tired.” 

Clinton nodded in agreement. “Exhausted, but ready to be here.” 

Dr. Rodrick grinned, feeling good about the energy she was feeling. “Good, tonight is an important session.”

Y/N’s eyebrows furrowed as she took her seat. “What is important about tonight?” 

“We are going to be sharing some secrets tonight. Both of you have been hiding something very important from the other and I think tonight is the night to share those secrets.” She grabbed her legal pad and pen, not noticing the couple shifting in their chairs. She pushed her glasses up her nose, ready for one of them to start. “Who would like to go first?” she clicked her pen.

The couple glanced at each other, both remaining silent. Clinton’s face hardened, wondering what Y/N was hiding from him. Y/N palms began to sweat as nausea set in the pit of her stomach, nervous triggering her morning sickness. 

Dr. Rodrick sighed, knowing that they were going to make this difficult. “Alright, I think I am going to pick.” She jotted down about their stubbornness to share. “Clinton, I think that it is time for you to be open with your wife.” 

Clinton shifted uncomfortably towards, wanting to look at her as he spoke his truth. “Y/N… I panicked, because I got so used to having you at home when I got back from a case and I feared that was going to change.” There was pain and fear in his eyes. “I feared that you would find something and forget about me and the twins.”

A breath caught in her throat. “I could never forget you or the twins.. I don’t think the girls would let me.” She joked, hoping to break the tension she was feeling. “I just wanted to contribute to the household in a way that wasn’t just cleaning.” 

Clinton sighed, finally smiling. “Oh, love. You definitely contribute more than just cleaning, you are basically the backbone of this family.” He reached for her hand, wanting to comfort her. 

Dr. Rodrick smiled softly as she wrote down some notes. “Clinton, I am so happy that you opened up to her. I think it is Y/N’s turn to share what she’s been holding back.” 

Y/N squeezed his hand, needing some of his strength. “A few weeks after you left for your assignment, I started to feel sick.” She watched as his eyes got big, probably assuming that she had cancer or something. “And before you go assuming that it’s something incurable, it is not. I’m…” She gulped, “I’m pregnant.” she blurted.  

He dropped back in his chair, shocked because that wasn’t what he thought her secret was. “Are you sure?”

She nodded, “It’s been four months and I’ve confirmed it with my doctor.” 

He nodded, trying to process everything. For a moment, he looked down at her stomach--noticing her swollen bump. “Is it twins again?” He asked, silently hoping that it wasn’t twins again.

She smiled, knowing what he was thinking, “No, it is just a single baby pregnancy.”

He nodded in acceptance, a smile growing on his face. “Yay!” He pulled her up out of her chair and spun her around-- which made her scream and laugh.

[ateezmakemeweep]

richboy!yeosang (part 3)

word count: 6k

fluff, smut

(part 2) (miniseries masterlist)

except that. 

that was probably the one thing you could’ve said to him that’d be really bad and panic-inducing; because out of all the things he was thinking, he would’ve never suspected that.

he thought maybe you wanted to change your major or quit your job, stressors that the average college student had and went through during their time as a young adult.

but you getting pregnant after years of being on birth control? he never would’ve guessed that.

and he supposes right now, as he gets his ass handed to him by seonghwa, he’s seeing that neither did you.

“no, no, let me get this right,” the man begins. 

“she tells you after a month of being terrified that she’s carrying your child. you guys scream and yell at each other for a little bit, in typical yeosang fashion. she cries, tells you to fuck off and then you... actually do fuck off and come here?” seonghwa asks, leant against the doorframe as he watches yeosang’s unmoving body plopped face down on his couch.

“does that sound about right?”

he had figured yeosang was the late night food he ordered, ignoring the way his face was gonna puff in the morning and excitedly opening the door. 

but then his best friend of over ten years came barreling in, lowly growling expletive after expletive before adding that, “oh and by the way, you’re gonna be an uncle.”

seonghwa thought he was kidding at first, staring at the boy sitting with his head in his hands before he looked up and saw all the tension and stress and... sadness, he thinks, in his friend’s eyes.

“what happened?” seonghwa asked, his voice soft and kind even though yeosang came tearing in there like a storm; it’s one of the reasons the boy came here, honestly, knowing that his friend would help him through any crisis. 

and right now, he felt like he didn’t know what the fuck to do.

“i’m pregnant.”

he didn’t even register the words at first, distracted by your tear-stained face and watery, scared eyes, wanting to do anything in his power to stop them.

but then after a few seconds, it’s like his brain finally woke up and registered the two simple words that just left your mouth.

“what?”

“i’m pregnant, yeosang,” you mumble quietly, not being able to bask in the relief that comes over you because you’re still so scared.

you’re relieved that you told him and happy it’s not a dirty little secret anymore but you’re still terrified of what’s to come; especially when, after you say it, silence fills the apartment.

you can’t tell if it’s a good silence or a bad silence, you just know you could hear a fucking pin drop and that scares you even more.

“how are you.... when did you...” he stutters out, not being able to get his thoughts together.

you daringly peek your head up to see him shaking his and staring down at the floor with furrowed brows, finally meeting your gaze with confusion and utter shock in his eyes.

“you’re on the pill,” yeosang states obviously, like it wasn’t the first thing you, mingi and yunho said too. “how did that even happen?”

“i don’t know, that’s what i said,” you tell him, shaking your own head because it really is hard to believe this is happening to you, of all people; you’ve heard of this happening before but no one ever thinks it could happen to them, that they’d be the 1% (or 9%, as mingi suggested) that birth control fails on.

“did you forget to take it or something?” he asks, no malice in his tone but the words making you raise an eyebrow at him; he’s not seriously about to blame you for this?

“no, yeosang, i didn’t forget to take it,” you snap. “you know i’m careful and set an alarm. i’ve been on it for years.”

“babe, i didn’t mean it like that,” yeosang says, hearing the snippy tone in your voice and wincing at the look on your face.

he makes his way over from his spot on the couch to crouch below you, his hands resting on your kneecaps as you sit stiffly with your feet under you. the soft apologetic look on his face should soothe you but instead you find yourself slightly irritable. 

“i’m just confused as to how this happened,” he says softly, his eyes roaming your face in a way that makes tears continue to sting yours. you don’t know if you’re mad or upset, you just feel like you wanna cry.

“well then that makes two of us,” you mumble, a sigh leaving yeosang’s mouth as he rests his head on your legs. his forehead is warm against your cold skin as you let out a sigh of your own, not wanting to snap at him during a moment like this. 

you lace your fingers in his hair as the two of you just come to terms with everything, yeosang’s breathing a little more calm and even against your skin.

“so that’s why you were puking,” he realizes aloud, a humorless laugh leaving you as you nod your head in confirmation.

“yup. not a virus but morning sickness.”

your boyfriend has the slightest pout on his lips as he recalls how sick you felt those first few days, running his thumbs along your knee gently.

but then he remembers you started puking nearly a month ago, which was then followed by all your weird behavior he chopped up to you still feeling sick and stressed over work.

your abnormal distance, your lack of interest in sex, a far away look in your eye any time he was trying to talk to you; he feels a slight sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach before he even asks the question.

“when did you find this out?”

he doesn’t mean to blurt the question out so forcefully but he can tell he does, hears it in his own voice and sees your face snap down to him with a look of guilt.

that was the one thing he noticed about you right away, you weren’t able to lie. you were always such an easy read and it’s one of the reasons he took such an interest in you.

he knew what pissed you off and he knew what made you flustered; but in turn, he also always knows when you lie or when you feel uncomfortable and annoyed.

when he’s met with silence, he moves away from your lap and stands in front of you. he pulls you up and over to the couch so you can both sit side by side, his body turned to look at you carefully.

his gaze is intense and scrutinizing and it only makes you that more nervous to answer.

you’ll never forget when yunho said that’s what made him so intimidating. the way he could have the softest, sweetest eyes but then also pierce through your very soul and make you nearly fall to his feet.

“baby...” he tries again, bringing his hand to your face gently.

he turns so you can look at him and you see his eyes flash when he notices more tears have welled up, stomach sinking as fear and shame build.  

“answer me, please,” he begs softly, trying to keep his emotions at bay but also hating to see you like this.

you press your lips together so you don’t let out a pathetic sob, your eyes roaming his face before you bite the bullet and begin telling him.

“when yunho came over that first week i was sick,” you start, remembering the boy only insisted on visiting because yeosang went back to school and work and didn’t want you being alone. 

“then mingi came over and was the one who said it. i-i didn’t think it was possible but we went and got tests anyway and... they were all positive, yeosang. all fucking five of them and i didn’t know what to do. i was a wreck on this couch until you got home.”

“you should’ve told me right away, baby, what the fuck,” yeosang says, his voice strangely soft despite the louder volume and curses leaving him. 

you feel comforted by the fact that even as you tell him this, he pulls you closer into his warm body and wraps his arms around you.

he hates thinking that for a month, you were terrified and dealing with this alone. keeping it from him when he thinks he could’ve made you feel better about this whole scary moment - it’d be better if you guys were afraid together.

“i was so scared and i didn’t know how you’d take it,” you mutter to him, not wanting to make him feel bad but also wanting to be honest. “i didn’t know if you’d be mad or surprised and you just seemed so stressed with work and stuff... i didn’t wanna make it worse.”

his heart sinks as he listens to your words, allowing yourself to be full of anxiety and stress just to spare him.

“my love...” his deep voice mumbles lowly, your stomach flipping at the warm affection in his tone. his hand cupping your face immediately makes your body relax against him, finally gaining the courage to look him in the eyes.

his gaze is less intense and scrutinizing, now full of love and affection and warmth that already makes you feel just a little bit better. 

maybe keeping this a secret wasn’t that big of a deal, maybe he understands because he’s going through the same fears and anxieties you were at first.

“now, why would i be mad about you being pregnant?” he asks, a small smile on his face as he looks over you questioningly. “surprised? sure. but we just talked about it, baby.... i want a family with you. i mean... i was thinking a little bit later in life but if you’re so eager now...” 

you narrow your eyes at his teasing and smack his arm lightly, almost wanting to whine about how calm and nonchalant he’s being about this. 

how is he not absolutely terrified right now? how is he teasing and smiling and talking as if a tiny person isn’t gonna pop out in nine months and change your entire life?

“how could you possibly be this calm about it?” you ask him with an annoyed groan, leaning back on the couch to rest your pounding head on the armrest. “i spent weeks crying and sick to my stomach about it.”

“maybe because you were keeping it from me,” he mutters sarcastically, his hands resting next to your head as he looms above you. 

you can only respond with your lips in the smallest of pouts, a smirk crossing his mouth before he meets yours in a chaste kiss.

it’s the most real and intense a kiss has felt between you two in weeks, his hand creeping over to hold your jaw tightly. you welcome his tongue eagerly, your own lapping against his before you two smile into the kiss.

“for real, though,” he mutters when he eventually pulls back, chests heaving from lack of air and a need to reconnect lips. “i know you’re scared and so i am. but it’ll be okay. i’m... kind of excited, actually.”

you smile softly at him, a tiny “really?” leaving your mouth that has him nodding and smiling proudly. you reach up to peck his cheek sweetly, the calmness that evaded you for weeks finally coming back to ground you.

“but don’t keep anything else from me, okay? i wanna be part of these things and know about this, babe.”

“okay,” you say breathily, his eyes so thoughtful and loving you can feel your heart swelling in your chest. 

and it doesn’t even occur to you in that moment to mention the doctor visit you already had; you’re just so distracted by his positive reaction and the need to kiss him, finally allowing yourself to deepen it and give yourself over to him.

you missed him and his touch and his lips on you, straddling his lap as you giggle into the kiss.

it’s after a few minutes of silence, you both laying there with heaving chests and your clothes littered on the floor from nearly an hour of making up for lost time, that yeosang starts tracing shapes on your stomach. 

lines and circles and even a heart that makes you bite back a smile. his own deep chuckle rings through the air a few seconds later, your head craning to the side to look at him.

“why are you laughing?” you ask, a smile pulling at your lips.

“i just... can’t believe this,” he says happily, his warm hands on your skin making your heart jump. 

“and i think it’s pretty funny that fucking mingi was the one who came to this conclusion,” yeosang laughs out, his long, gentle fingers pressing down mindlessly. “like how’d he even know about...morning sickness and shit?”

“i don’t know to be honest,” you giggle out, thinking back to the boy’s meltdown in the doctor’s office.

and maybe because you were so happy and giddy about his reaction, his warm hands on you and the soft smile on his face and the bliss from multiple orgasms, you didn’t even think about your next words.

you were just so excited to share these things with him now, let him in on the past few weeks of what you were going through and wanted to be going through with him. 

“you should’ve seen his face at the doctor, though, he looked horrified when he saw the sonogram machine. and then when they presumed he was the father, oh, my god, he nearly-”

“wait, wait, wait, what? the doctor?”

your face falls when you hear the immediate change in his voice, something mixed of hurt and disbelief as he sits up and looks at you in confusion. 

“when did you go there?”

“i... well, two days after i took the tests. we just wanted to make sure the results were right,” you say quietly, voice small and soft as your stomach starts to churn. “a-and i wanted to make sure i was, you know, healthy and stuff.”

you remember the horror stories and scary incidences of ectopic pregnancies, aware and terrified of just how many things could go wrong - and mingi was quick to remind you himself as well.

“i mean i get that,” yeosang says, surprised by how hurt and upset he’s feeling now. “but like... when were you gonna tell me you already went? the first appointment seems kind of like a big deal, y/n. i wish you would’ve told me then.”

“i was scared, yeosang,” you attempt to justify again, knowing it was wrong to keep it from him but also feeling as if you have the right to be a little nervous and scared shitless. “i didn’t know how to handle it and you were stressed, like, that whole time, i didn’t wanna-”

“i’ll never be too stressed for you, what don’t you get by now, y/n?” he snaps, “have i not proved that to you?” 

“of course you have but this is different, yeosang,” you tell him, joining as you sit up and look at him with wide eyes. he was fine about it a few seconds ago, why is this so different? 

“this is me being pregnant and possibly changing our life forever. you said you wanted to be married first. you said not for a while. so i didn’t know how you were gonna-”

“i love you, y/n,” he laughs out, shaking his head half in disbelief. 

how did you think he was gonna react? go crazy and tell you he didn’t want to be with you anymore? have a mental breakdown because he was a little stressed over his stupid boss and mundane work?

“do you not get how much i actually fucking love you? how could you think i was gonna react in any way but happy?”

“because i wasn’t happy,” you blurt out, his eyes widening and face dropping. 

“i mean i wasn’t upset or angry about it but i was so fucking scared, yeosang,” you quickly correct. you want this baby and you want this life with him, you’re just... how did this go so wrong so fast? 

“my body’s gonna change and our life is gonna change. i’ll probably have to take some time off from school and all of that scared me. and i thought it would scare you, too.”

“it does scare me but i know we’ll get through it, y/n. especially if we’re on the same page. the same way we’ve been on the same page for these past few years. we’ll be okay but you can’t keep shit from me. that’s how we got this far.”

“i didn’t mean it in a bad way,” you whisper, hearing that edge in his voice he always gets when he starts to get mad or dwell on something. 

he was hurt by you keeping it from him but he’s even more hurt you did such a big first step without him.

“i didn’t know you’d wanna come to the appointment with me.”

“how could you think i’d not wanna be there, y/n?” he asks before his face darkens and a tick begins to form in his jaw. “and then you take another man, no less? mingi looked like the baby’s father.”

and it’s like once he says that, you can’t control the outburst of emotions that erupt out of you. him being upset, you understand, but being upset that mingi, your gay best friend who has a fiancé, went with you? when you were scared and freaking out and felt like you didn’t know what to do without him?

“are you fucking kidding me?” 

his eyebrows shoot up at the bite in your words, his eyes flaring as they watch you stare him down.

“i’m sorry i didn’t tell you, i really am, yeosang, and that was wrong of me. but i went with mingi. my best friend, who was there for me when i was terrified.”

“you didn’t let me be there for you,” he bites back, hating that a fight is starting but both of you feeling far too angry and hurt right now. “why are you making it seem like i didn’t wanna be a part of it when you didn’t fucking tell me?” 

“are you gonna keep throwing that in my face? i’ve told you over and over again i was scared, yeosang. i’m still fucking scared and i’m sorry i can’t be as calm as you about this but i didn’t know what to do.”

“it’s not about being calm, y/n, it’s about telling me things. were you not even gonna tell me you went? pretend as if our first time going together was your first check up?” 

he feels like he’s being a little bit of a bitch about it at this point but he’s truthfully too hurt to care. 

he thought he made it clear he wanted a life and a family with you. he was ready to go out and buy you a ring if you said you wanted to get married right now; so why didn’t you get he wanted to be there for you, no matter what? 

he wants to be there during every step of the way, not just when things are easy and fun.

“i didn’t even think about it,” you snap, hurt and upset by his accusations. “i didn’t think you’d be this upset, yeosang. you weren’t upset five seconds ago when i told you i kept it from you for a month so why are you upset about this?” 

he can’t hear how small and sad your voice is, only focused on your words and the way they make him feel even more upset and frustrated. 

“because... that’s different, y/n. that’s something a father should be there for and that’s something that makes it real.’

“that’s exactly why it scared me,” you tell him, tears burning your eyes and your voice barely above a whisper. “and that’s why i needed someone there with me.”

“it should’ve been me there with you,” he growls lowly, possessiveness and anger creeping up on him before he can even think. 

but he can only picture you scared and vulnerable as you hear the news about your baby, listening to the doctor congratulate you and holding mingi’s hand tightly because you’re scared to hear it from a real, human source. 

“do you not think i know that?” you snap, voice raising as you jump up from your spot on the couch. “i already told you i’m sorry, yeosang. i don’t know why you’re not hearing that i’m fucking scared.”

you wanted him from the second you started taking the pregnancy tests, since the second the words pregnancy were even said. but you wanted him to be content and stress-free more, you wanted him to be okay hearing this news and not potentially destroy your relationship. 

“and if you’re just gonna keep making me feel bad about it then how about you just fuck off. because i really don’t need this right now.”

he doesn’t have anything nice to say so he doesn’t say anything, watching as you attempt to wipe at your face discretely and take off toward your shared bedroom. 

the sound of the door slamming echoes through the apartment, the knot in yeosang’s stomach only growing more as he gets up and stomps over to throw his shoes on, a similar sound echoing from the entrance of the apartment before silence fills the darkness. 

seonghwa waits until yeosang looks up at him to walk over to the boy, plopping down on the chair across from him to shrug his shoulders. 

“so... why’d you come here then?” 

“i didn’t know where else to go.”

a smirk crosses the boy’s face as he shakes his head, letting out a sigh as he watches his friend carefully.

long gone were those high school feelings of envy and suppressed anger over the situation, able to see now, three years later, that yeosang was the one meant for you. 

getting away from you two proved to work for him, distracting himself in a foreign country with foreign friends and foreign girls until he came back and saw how happy you two still were.

and all he really ever wanted was for you two to be happy - and he’s positive you two are gonna get past this by tomorrow morning. because he’s never seen a couple more perfect for each other, even despite your blowout fights. 

“well, do you wanna know what i think?” 

yeosang rolls his eyes up to look at his friend, the cocky grin and glint in his eyes already not sitting well with him.

“not really. i came here to vent and lay on your expensive couch.”

“you got me that couch, asshole.”

“exactly,” yeosang says, resting his head back on the cushion and almost regretting purchasing this for seonghwa’s housewarming present and not his own. 

“anyway you dick,” seonghwa says, suppressing the chuckle threatening to leave him. “i think you’re a fucking idiot for leaving her and have to go back home.” 

and just as yeosang opens his mouth to speak, unsure of what he’s gonna say but feeling the need to say something, seonghwa raises his pointer finger and cuts the boy off.

“you have to remember it’s gonna be her body and her life being impacted the most by this. i get why you’re upset that she went without you, i’d probably be hurt too, but it’s how she felt most comfortable at the time. you can’t get mad at her for that. it’s fucking scary, yeosang, and i’m surprised you’re not more terrified about it.”

yeosang listens to seonghwa’s words, letting them soak in his pounding head that’s now screaming at him for leaving you home alone in the first place.

he knows his friend is right and he knows he might’ve overreacted a little. 

but he also thinks he’s a little more scared than he’s letting on, wanting to be strong and secure for you but also knowing firsthand how important being a good father is.

it took him long enough to figure out how to be a good boyfriend, he would hate if it took him that long to become a good father and mess up his child along the way. 

but he thinks because he has you, the whole journey will be a lot easier. 

“i’m scared but i love her,” yeosang says, the words so sweet and honest and soft, seonghwa’s surprised to hear them leave his friend so easily. “i’ve had every intention of marrying her and becoming the father of her kids. so it doesn’t seem that scary, i guess.” 

seonghwa feels his heart pull in his chest at the mere fact this is the same friend who used to never let anyone in, would purposely isolate himself and self sabotage and thought being an asshole was easy because it pushed people away. 

but he tried to push you away and it only seemed to bring you two together, a smile pulling on seonghwa’s lips before he bites down on them quickly. 

“you fucking sap.”

yeosang’s head snaps up at his friend, an annoyed expression crossing his face before he grabs the pillow next to him and promptly whips it at his friend. 

“shut up. that’s you and will always be you. little bitch.”

seonghwa snorts as he cranes his neck to the side, eyes roaming the dark night sky and high rises of the city. silence falls between the two boys as they sit with their thoughts, yeosang about you and wondering what you’re doing and seonghwa wondering where the fuck his food-

a knock on the door causes him to spring up, rushing over and sighing in relief when he’s greeted with his late night pancake order. yeosang nosily peeks his head over the couch, his interest heightening when he sees his friend carrying a to-go box of food. 

“what’d you get?”

“none of your business,” seonghwa responds, placing the box on the table before disappearing into the kitchen. 

yeosang rolls his eyes before making his way over to the table, his eyebrows knitting together before he lets out a humorless laugh. almost one of disbelief.

"of course, why wouldn't you be stealing the last free muffin," yeosang hums sarcastically, a smirk on his lips that has you snatching your hand away.

"you're mean," you whine, resisting the urge to stick your tongue out at him, "they were out of chocolate chip pancakes and i'll have you know i was willing to spend the $10."

"wow, $10," he says, tone dripping with sarcasm as he picks up the muffin and resists the urge to smile when a pout covers your face.

he remembers that day at the ski lodge feeling like it was longest one of his life, the night quickly falling before the power outage landed you in his room.

it’s when he confessed all of his tragic tales to you, something he hid from everyone and told you simply because a part of him was overwhelmed to. 

it didn’t excuse how he treated you but he’d hoped you’d understand after hearing that why you should stay away from him.

why trying to see any good in him at that point in his life was ridiculous. 

but you never stopped and he remembers to this day that’s when he allowed himself to fall for you, blew all his trauma and caution and doubts to the wind and tried to be worthy for someone like you. 

but he also remembers seonghwa coming in and looking at him like he was about to beat the shit out of him that night, whisking you away before they started to fight over you in dramatic, movie night fashion. 

it’s why he didn’t even hesitate to think back to that morning with you, the pout on your face and sad look in your eye about not being able to eat those $10 chocolate chip pancakes ingrained in his mind.

“can i still order room service?” he asked the front desk, the flustered voices on the other end of the phone letting out a frustrated groan before telling him yes; it probably wasn’t the nicest thing to do after an unexpected power outage shocked the staff, but he needed a one up on seonghwa at the time. 

“can i have an order of chocolate chips pancakes then?”

“don’t even try it,” seonghwa growled at the boy, pushing him away before plopping down on the dining room chair. 

yeosang let out a snort as he raised an eyebrow at the boy, looking from him to the food then back to him. without a second thought, and only a little bit of a distasteful sigh, seonghwa plopped a pancake on the lid for his friend and pushed it away from him. 

“only because i’m gonna be an uncle.”

“maybe a godfather, who knows,” yeosang mutters, a smile breaking out across seonghwa’s face before he promptly shovels a pancake in his mouth. 

the two sit in silence for a few moments, sounds of chewing and disgusted looks being thrown back and forth before seonghwa swallows and begins to speak. 

“for real, though, it’s cool you guys are gonna be parents. you’ll be a good dad, yeosang.”

the boy looks up at his friend and sees nothing but honesty in his eyes, stabbing his fork through another piece of pancake before popping one in his mouth. 

“you think?” 

he thinks this is why he came here, too; because without even him verbalizing it directly, his friend somehow knew one of the silent worries he was having. 

“i do,” seonghwa nods, a small smile on his face as he looks at his friend. “kind of early and surprising but i don’t think that matters. you and y/n are good for each other. you’ll figure it out.”

yeosang smiles at his friend warmly, popping another piece of food into his mouth and swallowing.

“and if you somehow fuck up again with her,” seonghwa adds, yeosang looking back up to see a shit eating smirk across his friends face. “i could always step in for old times sake. raise the baby as my own. i think that’d be pretty-”

“shut the fuck up.”

a deep chuckle bubbles out of seonghwa at his friend’s words, covering his face and shouting the boy’s name when a few seconds later, utensils are hurled right across the table.

the apartment is as dark and quiet as it was when he left, kicking his shoes off to the side before quickly making his way toward the bedroom.

he pushes the door open quietly, met with the sounds your breathing as you lie asleep in bed. he leans his head against the doorframe as he watches your sleeping form got a moment, his stomach sinking the whole time he walked back home. 

he felt bad about the fight and it’s hitting him even more at this very moment, walking over to crouch beside you and move a messy piece of hair out of your face. 

he frowns upon seeing your pouted lips and puffy face, his finger swiping under your cheek where dried tears are; he can tell you probably cried yourself to sleep. 

leaning forward, he presses a feather light kiss to your skin, licking over his dry lips as his stinging eyes roam your face.

he doesn’t know how long he just kneels there and watches you, his hand running through your hair as regret and shame bubble in the pit of his stomach. 

it’s a strange contrast to the overwhelming feeling of warmth in his chest, heart soaring at the fact you both have gotten this far together. that you’ll now be expecting a child, half you and half him, and start a little family that he only began to picture when he met you.

he wasn’t even sure if he wanted kids until you came along, the idea of you and only you carrying his child; watching you with them and making him love you even more.

“yeosang?” you mumble sleepily, your eyes blinking open slowly in a daze. 

you felt a presence next to you and hands in your hair, waking up panicked for less than a second before you saw your boyfriend’s familiar outline in the darkness. 

“hi, baby.” 

his voice is deep and thick with emotion, rubbing the sleep from your eyes as you sit up to look at him. 

you don’t know if you’re more alarmed by the tone of his voice or the look on his face, still dazed from sleep so you’re not exactly remembering what happened hours ago. 

you recall laying down with your face in the pillow, quiet cries wracking your body, before promptly passing out into a dreamless sleep.

but now you’re blinking at him with such confusion and such a soft, sleepy look, messy hair and sleep marks on your puffy face, that it make tears sting the back of his eyes. 

he can’t believe he left you here alone. 

“i’m sorry. i’m so sorry and i know you’re scared.” 

your eyes widen slightly as he sits up and pulls you into him despretely, your face in his chest before his arms wrap around you and hold you tight; it’s almost too tight, making it hard to breathe in his warm body, but you wouldn’t dare a say a word. 

because the more aware you become of your surroundings, the more you remember from earlier in the night. you cursing at him and not being sensitive enough, finding his concerns ridiculous but also realizing, he just wanted to be there for you. 

he wanted to be there for you every step of the way and you can’t blame him for being a little hurt.  

but he also can’t be mad for you being scared and not knowing how to react right away, dealing with more than just the simple fact of telling him. 

“i know you’re scared and i know it’ll be hard for you but we’ll do it together... okay? we’ll get through it, baby, and i’ll be there for you the whole time. i just don’t wanna fight with you.”

“me either,” you mumble against his chest, tears swarming in your own eyes when you pull back and see his eyes are glossy, too. “it wasn’t fair to you and i should’ve told you sooner. i... i shouldn’t have been scared to tell you.”

“i get why you didn’t though,” he hums lowly, remembering how much he complained to you those few weeks about being stressed from work. “i get your life is gonna change more than mine and i’m sorry i didn’t-”

you interrupt his words by pressing your lips to his, worming your way into his lap as he meets your kiss with a fervor. your mouths part and his tongue teases at your mouth, just passing that line of sweet and chaste. 

“it’s okay,” you mumble when you pull back, a small smile on your face as you look at him and wrap your arms around his shoulders. “we’re okay now.” 

a smile crosses yeosang’s face as he nods, pulling you into him again as he presses his lips against your forehead. 

he closes his eyes as he takes in a few calming breaths, feeling your warm skin under his lips and your body close to his; you guys are okay and he didn’t mess anything up. 

you’ll still have to take it day by day but he knows you guys are gonna be okay.

you hear him mumble a quiet “i love you,” against your head and you smile softly as you pull back, responding with a softly spoken “i love you,” before you lean back and plop yourself back down on the warm space you previously occupied.

it didn’t feel right sleeping here without him. the bed felt far too big and far too cold and far too empty. 

“can you sleep with me now?” you whine softly, a pout on your face as you stretch your arms out to him. “i missed you.” 

and it’s the fact that you missed him even though he made you cry that makes him hold back tears again, throwing himself down on bed and pulling you over so you can rest on his chest.

you cuddle yourself closer to him with a content sigh, intertwining your arms and legs as you lay your head over his chest. 

“i don’t know how we used to fight all the time,” yeosang mumbles after a few seconds of silence, his hand in yours as his thumb softly caresses your skin. “i fucking hated it.” 

“i know,” you chuckle out lightly, your eyes closed as you bury your face in his chest. “you’re soft now, though. i thought you were gonna cry or something.”

a deep chuckle leaves him before he lets out something between a growl and scoff, your loud giggles filling the room when he reaches over and grabs at your ticklish waist.

it’s the same giggles that fill the living room the next day when all the boys come over, san, jongho, and wooyoung nearly falling over in shock when you tell them the news. 

“you’re....pregnant? like... with a baby?” wooyoung asks, poking at your stomach roughly like it’s some foreign object.

“no, with a chicken,” yeosang snaps, pushing his friend back to halt him from touching you. “what kind of stupid fucking question is that?”

“i don’t know! i’m just shocked, okay!” 

a smile crosses your face as you hear the front door open, your eyes shifting to see seonghwa, mingi and yunho walking into the apartment. your smile widens upon seeing the boys, the two tallest ones bouncing over happily. 

mingi catches yeosang’s eyes and raises an eyebrow when he sees the boy throw him a dirty look, the dark-haired boy scoffing as they stare each other down.

“you still mad the doctor thought i was the daddy?” mingi growls lowly, a snort leaving you and yunho’s mouth as yeosang pushes at the taller boy and throws you a blank look.

“i’m sorry, i didn’t mean to,” you tell him, accidentally letting it slip on your daily morning phone call with the boy. 

but it doesn’t stop mingi and yeosang from bickering further, your own form sauntering over to seonghwa and greeting him with a smile.

“hi.”

“hey,” seonghwa smiles, handsome as ever as he congratulates you softly. 

you weren’t surprised when yeosang told you he went there last night, the friendship between the boys something you’ve watched blossom into something remarkable.

it took you a while to get over the guilt of almost destroying it but now it all seemed like a distant memory. you and seonghwa had an unspoken love for one another but it wasn’t like the teenage, puppy type love you once had for one another.

it was more so one of a mutual respect. a genuine friendship where neither you, seonghwa or yeosang felt awkward or threatened by. 

but it’s upon listening to seonghwa talk softly to you that you notice a red mark on his face, your eyes squinting and hand reaching up to poke at a deep scratch across his face.

“seonghwa, oh my god,” you interrupt, yeosang’s head snapping to you before a guilty (but unapologetic) expression overcomes him. “what happened to your face?”

part 4

tag list: @mirror-juliet​ @toffee-hwa​ @valhoez​ @miatsubaki23​ @mydaintydaisy​ @treasure-hwa​ @khjssss [couldn’t tag :( ]

[whumpwillow]

Aeonian | vivisection

so this got dark. not “immortal character goes insane and autocannabalizes himself” dark, (I’m looking at you @brutal-nemesis ) but still pretty dark. I really said “I wanna see that boy vivisected and crying” huh. Anyway, this is one of my favorite Ezra pieces and absolutely the one that caused him the most trauma. poor thing. 

Whumpay 2021 Day 15: Near-Death / Immortality Angst

warnings: gore. like, a lot. blood. also a lot of that. vivisection, dissociation, lab whump, restraints, captivity, nonsexual nudity, dehumanization, character being hosed off, withholding food, humiliation, wanting to die / suicidal thoughts, generally ezra is not having a good time

//

Ezra did not want to die. He’d been alive far longer than normal, far longer than he should have been, but that’s not what scared him.

His homeland had all sorts of fictional literature about people being cursed with immortality. In his early years, he’d read every single one of them, trying to find something out about himself, about why he was the way he was. Why there was no one else like him. Why he was alone. He never found an answer.

He agreed that it certainly was a curse, considering how easy it was to torture him. But in all those stories, the immortal characters were always angsting about how they lived long lives and wanted to die. How they tried to find ways to. Ezra couldn’t relate to the feeling.

Otherwise, he tried not to think about it. It was a concept beyond reach, even more so than love was. Both were abstracts, not meant for someone like him, so he didn’t bother pondering them. Sometimes he wished…to be loved. He knew no one ever would, but he liked to dream.

Despite everything that happened to him, there was only one time in his extended life that he’d ever wanted to die. The only time he’d ever begged for it.

His time in the lab was another thing he tried not to think about. There were many of those sorts of memories, pushed so far into the corner of his mind, trapped inside a little black box bursting at the seams.

He fought the scientists always, especially when they’d first brought him in. There’d been some big party among the scientists, saying they found their next big breakthrough. Breakthrough. That’s what they always called him. That and the word subject. Test subject. Not human. Not Ezra.

Had they ever even known his name?

Years and years of research and observation and they’d never asked him a single question about himself. Never spoke more than a few words that weren’t orders or reprimands to him—it was all just talk above him, about him. He wasn’t there. He didn’t matter. He was important but he was not, he was their breakthrough and their miracle and their broken little toy.  

They kept him in a white room with no windows or furniture. There was a small vent near the ceiling made of grey metal which was all the color he saw for years beyond the red of his own blood spilling out in pools around his battered body.

There was no bed, not even a pallet to sleep on, but he was used to that already. He didn’t remember the last time he’d slept in a proper bed, too used to the dirt floors of the containment center, the cold concrete of the streets. At least this place was clean and dry, if not warm.

The first morning, or at least what Ezra assumed was morning, a loud buzzing alarm sounded and the door to his cell swung open. People with batons and chains marched in and cuffed his hands, even while he struggled and fought and kicked at them like a caged beast. It did nothing. He knew it was futile, yet he still resisted.  They’d worn suits specifically to protect their bodies while his was exposed in a simple white shift that didn’t even offer any defense against the cold, let alone the guards.

They dragged him, literally kicking and screaming, down the hall. He wasn’t going to let them have the satisfaction of him being an easy target. The guards wore protective gear but no gloves, so Ezra bit one’s wrist.

The guard didn’t hit him. He was too precious and he knew it. He gave the guards a shit-eating grin as they strapped him to a metal slab, but the man just snarled at him and walked away, leaving him to the scientists.

And that’s when the real fun began.

Ezra watched them move around with their clipboards and their white lab coats, murmuring about vitals and donors. Machines blinked and beeped all around his head, surrounding him in a cacophony of discordant noise. A woman’s face appeared above his.

“He looks young and healthy,” she said, but not to him. “You sure about this, though?”

“Absolutely,” replied another young woman.

That one lifted a scalpel up off a table, and began to cut into his chest. Given the extent of what Ezra had already faced, a long, shallow cut was nothing major. He was able to hold off the hiss of pain by gritting his teeth, and glared steadily at the scientist.

He was not able to contain his gasp when she dug her hands into his chest. Literally. Just shoved them right through the incision and tore him apart. She spread the skin of his chest and looked inside with a critical gaze as if doing a puzzle instead of inspecting his organs. He breathed hard and fast, shallow gasps of pain that wheezed through his lips. Barely able to stop the tears that pricked the corners of his eyes.

“Hm, I think we should test them first, to see if they work outside the body,” the scientist said, and Ezra’s heart sped up under her hands. They wrote that down on their clipboards.

Outside his body. Outside. His. Body.

He liked his organs very much inside his body, thank you.

A metallic noise. A drill. The scientists cold, clear eyes, devoid of any emotion. They weren’t angry at him—he was used to people being angry and hurting him. That was something he understood. But these people…they didn’t care about him. He was just a body. Somehow, the lack of emotion made him shiver worse.

He saw the drill before he felt it. They lowered it agonizingly slow, determining the best place to break into his ribcage. Ezra’s heart sped up, beating at the pace of a hummingbird’s own.

He wanted to yell at them, to scream, to shout, but his voice was frozen in his throat. He wasn’t even gagged. He just couldn’t move. His eyes locked onto the drill as it neared his chest—

Please, please, please don’t let this happen to me—

Pain.

D e s e c r a t i o n.

He was shattered. Sternum crushed, each rib systematically broken and removed to be set in a little metal tray.

Help me!

His mouth opened, but no sound came out except screaming. His vision blurred with tears, gasping, hitching breaths he couldn’t breathe—

And the scalpel again. The metal glinted off the sterile fluorescent lights, flashing into his eyes with cold clarity. The shivering wouldn’t stop, only he was held in place by the restraints.

They severed his arteries and his veins and cut through his muscles—

Please!

They tore out his heart. He thought he’d die then. Surely, he couldn’t live without a heart.

But he didn’t need to.

He’d learned long ago that injuries took a long time to heal, even if he healed from anything. Organs, however, grew back almost instantly.

Something he would come to regret.

Every day, they dragged him out to that lab, strapped him to that table. His wrists, his feet, his forehead. Metal dug into his skin as he tried to wrest free, even while knowing it was useless. He was as average a human as someone who had lived several lifetimes could be, meaning no super strength at all.

He was powerless.

He saw them hold his heart in their hands.

His own bright red blood spilled forth from his body in waves, bathing him in hot liquid. That uncomfortable stickiness was not something he noticed once they started operating—drilling, sawing, cutting, breaking—

Ezra had never thought he would face worse pain than the tortures he’d already had to endure before being in that room.

Ezra had never wished for death before being in that room.

Every day. Every single damn day.

They’d take his organs away, talking about donors, about saving lives. They didn’t care if he heard their plans—he learned a lot that way, if he could listen before he started screaming.

They were harvesting his organs to use in transplants. Doing research on how to harvest his ability for immortality.

And he was nothing more to them than that.

After the pain, he couldn’t move. They undid the restraints and he just lie there on the table, his eyes glazed and unfocused. He wasn’t there; he was somewhere else entirely, hiding within his own mind. He hardly noticed them wrestle his limp body to a tiled floor somewhere, throw him down, and hose him off with scalding hot water from a high-pressure hose.

He saw blood swirling in front of him, around and around, circling down into a drain right in front of his face. He followed the motion absently, lying there, unable to do anything more than tremble.

After clearing away the blood, they’d throw him back in his cell, shivering and sick. A withered body.

He was important, and he was not.

He was their miracle, but his pain was irrelevant. Food was an unimportant expense—he wouldn’t die, so why bother? Clothes were useless. He was covered in blood every day in the lab, so any kind of covering would just get dirty. They stripped him bare before strapping him down, because the white shift would only get in the way. Water, he got. He tried to drink when they hosed him off, opening his mouth to catch it before they stopped. There was at least that. He was only starving, only humiliated and exposed. He was only being tortured day in and day out, only to restart the process all over again.

It didn’t matter. He was an object. He was immortal. He would heal from anything, even this.

Even when he didn’t want to.

But it didn’t matter, right?

—

A theme with Ezra is him saying how his pain doesn’t matter and whatever happens to him is irrelevant because he can heal...a lot of that thought process stems from this time in his life. oof.

tag: @dramaticcollapse

[plus-size-reader]

Wrong

Rick Grimes x Plus size!reader

Word Count: 1626 words

Warnings: none 

Summary: Having babysat Carl as a teenager but as you get older, Rick finds it hard to ignore how stunning you've gotten

——————————————————————————————————

It had been a long time since you’d been Carl’s babysitter but that didn’t change that fact that Rick was only really capable of seeing you that way.

...Or so he thought.

Back in those days, you couldn’t have been more than seventeen, watching Carl as an infant when Lori needed a break and he was working a long shift.

They really needed you to help pick up the slack and you were good at it. He saw you as part of the family at that time, but that had changed, of course it had.

The world had changed and you weren’t just some kid anymore. You were a necessary, important part of the group, and you were also the only tie he had to the life he longed for.

With Lori gone, he couldn’t help but gravitate toward you.

It didn’t hurt that you had grown up quite a bit in the last several years and you weren’t just some kid anymore.  

You cared about his family, helping out with Carl and Judith more than you ever had before, practically raising her when he wasn’t around and always making sure they were safe.

It was the sort of helping hand he needed, but there was also something more. Something that he couldn’t just keep ignoring, even if he wanted to.

There was no amount of burying that he could do that would matter. The fact was that he found himself beyond interested in you, in what he had come to recognize as a romantic sense.

He didn’t like it, but that was just what it was.

Pretending it wasn’t hadn’t done him any good thus far and it wasn’t going to. He knew that but now the question was what was he supposed to do about it.

If he confronted you and told you the truth, there would be no telling how you would react. If you didn’t feel the same, you would likely never be able to trust him again, thinking that he’s some kind of creep.

Of course, Rick knew that he had never felt that way toward you before recently, and he also knew that would be hard to believe from where  you were standing, but the world hadn’t given him any other choice.

If he didn’t tell you the truth, he knew that he would regret it for as long as he lived.

Whether it was hard or not, whether you understood or not, he wasn’t going to be able to sleep until he told you the truth about what he’d been feeling lately.

It was going to drive him mad if he didn’t.

So, like any rational person, he waited until the worst possible time to tell you the truth. You were currently hustling over a hot stove, doing your best to put together a stew with a rabbit Daryl had brought back, and all he could think about was how good you looked.

It was ridiculous, and he was fully away from that but Rick couldn’t help himself.

Whenever he tried to bring his thoughts back to something better, or something more productive like finding supplies or fortifying the walls, there you were.

You hummed to yourself as you stirred the pot, your hips swaying slightly to the tune that was playing on repeat in your head. How was he supposed to think straight?

“Carl! Foods almost done, go get cleaned up for dinner” you called, your voice soft and gentle as you tried to get him to do as you asked, though he knew that wasn’t going to stay that way. If he made you ask more than once, your voice would go from soft and gentle to more and more cross as you attempted to pull the boy from whatever he was doing.

Even in this world, it was impossible to keep a young boy's attention for more than a few moments.

“We’re gonna have to go out and find more formula in the next few days, Judith is getting low” you commented, much more offhanded now as you spoke to Rick, thinking he was listening to you.

...Not that he was.

More than anything, he was just trying to keep his head on straight, which meant that he was stuck so far in his own thoughts that he missed your words completely.

“Rick?”

That got his attention, just barely.

From where he was sitting, he looked up at you, a dreamy sort of look on his face that only confirmed your suspicions. He hadn’t been listening to you.

“I said we are going to need formula soon” you repeated, a grin on your face as you emphasized exactly what you were talking about.

Something was clearly on his mind, but you weren’t sure what it could be. There was definitely something going on, but with all things considered, it could have been a number of things.

You could only imagine the stress he had on his shoulders.

“Is everything alright? You seem pretty out of it. Even more than normal” you joked, setting a steaming bowl of stew right down in front of him, only sort of mindful not to burn your hands.

Rick knew you really well, but what he didn’t stop to think about was the fact that you knew him just as well. You two had the same amount of experience with one another.

You knew that something was wrong.

“Come on, you have to tell me the truth. What is going on?” you poked, unsure why he was being so cagey and weird with you. With all the past you two shared, there shouldn’t have been anything he wouldn’t share with you.

It couldn’t have been that bad. “Fine, but I need you to know that this is new. I didn’t plan for any of this” he started, already setting alarms off in your head. What if there was something seriously wrong?

Rick was never this secretive and quiet with you.

In all the time that you’d known him, if he had something on his mind, he said it without even thinking of the consequences his words could have. In fact, you’d never even known him to apologize, because he was always that sure of his actions.

Whatever this was, it was big because he’d never acted this way before.

It was brand new and that was terrifying.

“Okay, what is it? Rick, you’re scaring me” this time when the words left your lips, you hardly recognize your voice. There was something so meek there, something you didn’t even know you were capable of anymore.

It was the sort of sound that you found in your voice when you were six and realized your puppy was missing, or when you did really poorly on a test and had to tell your father about it.

It wasn’t something that even made sense in this world.

You frequently had to deal with death, and rot and all the nastiest things the world had to offer but for some reason, this was what brought out this side of you.

It didn’t make any sense.

Still, you tried to focus on Rick, desperately hoping you could get some sort of tell from his body language as to what this was about...but found nothing.

He was solid as a rock and that only made you much more nervous than you were before. You were so geared up for bad news in fact, that when he finally spoke, you weren’t even sure you were breathing.

Which made for an awkward few seconds as you tried to process the words leaving his lips.

“I have feelings for you”

It was so simple, just five little words and it wasn’t even the first time you’d heard them. However, for some reason, this time seemed so much more unbearable.

For starters, it was wrong.

What he was suggesting, it wasn’t okay. You had known his wife better than anyone else before her death and she trusted you. What he was suggesting would betray all the trust she’d had in you.

Not that you could bring yourself to say that to Rick.

He knew that, and telling him would only make him feel worse. You had to admit that you’d thought about it to, once or twice but you had always chosen to ignore it.

You were sure that it was just you being silly and Rick would reject you without a second thought. Never in a million years did you think he would beat you to it.

Lori was the most beautiful woman you’d ever seen and as a kid, you dreamed about looking like her but that didn’t change the fact that you didn’t.

The two of you couldn’t have been more different, and yet, Rick seemed to think that he had feelings for you. It didn’t make any sense at all but after looking at him again, you saw that he must have been serious.

He had that look in his eyes that you saw quite often anymore.

Not that he would joke about that anyway. It had to have been really difficult for Rick to admit that to you and you wanted to give that the weight it deserved. Maybe you didn’t look like Lori, and maybe you weren’t her but you also weren’t Rick.

You didn’t have the authority to tell him that he didn’t understand his own emotions.

Whatever he was feeling, you  just had to believe that he knew himself well enough to be right. Which meant that Rick Grimes had some sort of feelings for you.

As crazy as that may have been, and as wrong as it was, he couldn’t help himself and there was only one way to go from here.