#and Q is like sure but I like to know where it goes. what about you? and like Bond has no clue cuz he never had to do normal-people things

[halfbaked00q]

I think we should put Bond in more "normal people" situations where like sure his spy-training social mimicry can get him by, but there's still a limit to what that can do and he will have to defer to Q to actually successfully navigate the situation due to his own lack of real-world experience and like, context with said situation.

[julieloves074]

It's you (Min Ho x reader)

Summary: Min Ho and Y/n are reunited in the second semester at K.I.S.S with their sarcastic, bullying friendship, but the drama get a little out of hand at the Moon's cabin, will the sparks that fly settle or burn Y/n up?

Warnings: Kissing, poor relationship with parents, underage drinking

Words: 4.1K

(Not my GIF :))

Being back at K.I.S.S for our second semester was thrilling, even just stepping out the car brings back a rush of memories and hope for this term. Kitty says she’s going 2.0 this semester and focusing but I think we both know she’ll lying to herself, Q and I made a bet on how long she lasts.

“I’ll give her a week,” I told him wanting to give the girl at least some belief.

Q pulled a face that screamed you’re joking right? And said ‘I give her till the end of tomorrow’.

Yuri was kind enough to invite out whole group to a reunion dinner tonight at our favorite barbeque restaurant, all on her, whilst the rest of us was excited Kitty was still stressing in our joint room about getting out of our living situation. Thankfully some music was able to calm her down for a second.

That was until Min Ho’s favourite song came on, and she turned to me with her mouth and eyes wide open in some sort of realisation. “Are you and Min Ho actually going to your lives together this semester?”.

I threw one of pillow at her, “Hey!” she exclaimed turning to me with smudged mascara on her cheek.

“Not this again,” I say rolling my eyes.

“I’m just saying I’m rarely wrong,” her voice goes a few octaves higher.

I turn back to my mirror, “You know I can’t stand how highly he thinks of himself, plus even I did he’s a player Kitty, I don’t put myself in situations where I’m likely to get hurt,” I explain.

“Yeah whatever live a little!” she threw the pillow back at me, which quickly turned into a pillow fight and bunch of laughter, until a knock on the door informed us we had to leave if we didn’t want to be late.

 The four of us girls walked towards the busy town to the restaurant, and he’s the first person that I spot in the crowd amongst our friends. Yuri shouts out a hello and the group turns around. His eyes meet mine, the same sneaky glimmer sits in his eyes, mouth in its signature half smirk.

I can feel Kitty’s eyes on me, and she gives me a slight push, I move my feet quickly hoping that no one saw that. I turn around and give her a quick death glare.

“Hello, y/l/n” his voice is all too familiar, I turn to meet his eyes once again, his hands are in his jacket pocket, and I note down that I would not mind stealing it from him.

“Min Ho,” I say back keeping it cool.

“Christmas break does not feel like a long enough break from you,” he says with a smile.

“Aren’t you a sweetheart,” I say back in a monotone voice.

“Now you’re complementing me? What have you done to y/l/n?” he questions grabbing my jacket sleeving and waving it around in an inspection, I roll my eyes at him and he lets my arm fall, “I heard about the living situation,” he changes the subjective with a gesturing nod to the restaurant as all our friends were walking in.

I let out a sigh and push some of my hair out my face, “Yeah, it’s a weird one, Kitty is super freaked out,” I say.

“I don’t blame her, living with someone you like and their partner sounds like personal hell,” he says with a distaste in his voice.

“Very helpful observation from you Min Ho,” I say deadpanning.

He puts a hand to his chest, “You’re so welcome,”.

“Aw and to think I almost missed this sarcasm of yours,” I say back turning my gaze away from his to the busy street.

Min Ho’s eyes crinkle in the corners “You did miss me,” he said as I stepped towards the restaurant, but I stopped before I could take another.

He circled around to step in front of me again, my brows burrowed, and I let out a nervous chuckle, “what did you say?” I asked trying to play dumb. Of course I missed him, I’m not sure how exactly our friendship could be described but our little digs were something I looked forward to, I enjoyed the challenge, the satisfaction that came from leaving him without a comeback.

I waited as he lowered towards my ear, his long eyelashes lifting as he observed something behind me, “You smiled when I said that”, I could feel the absence of his breath as he pulled away.  He was walking through to the table as I let out a composing breath and followed.

Kitty saved me a seat beside her, she wiggled her brows at me when I sit down, Min Ho was talking to Q and Dae looking at the menu.

“So?” she asked eagerly turning directly towards me.

“What?” I ask laying my purse down and grabbing a menu.

The brunette pulled it right out of my hands, “You know exactly what you’re going to order,” she says which is true, I get the same thing every time, why change something that works? “The tensions still there?” her mouth is a grin.

“It’s not tension,” I tell her for the hundredth since we started at K.I.S.S “we just don’t like each other,” I say pulling the menu back out her hand. I loved that Kitty was basically a radio tower for spotting who likes who, but not when it came to me, I didn’t like Min Ho like that and he definitely doesn’t like me like that, he was all over Maddison last semester.

“Whatever you want to tell yourself, “She murmured standing up to talk to the guys, Min Ho looks over to me momentarily as Kitty approaches them but then gets back into the conversation.

<3 <3 <3

Being able to spend the weekend at Min Ho’s cabin was amazing but waking up this morning to being basically snowed in was not a pleasant surprise, skiing was a no go, and it’s not like there was anything else near us. Everyone spent the morning playing card games or reading or trying to find something to entertain themselves because the internet was out.

It was fine until it hit five in the afternoon and even the team competition games were not feeling as empowering. Most everyone was feeling restless, that was until Q came up with what everyone seemed to think was a good idea, apart from Min Ho and me but I couldn’t pick his side.

“Oh come on we’re stuck on the property anyway!” Q pleaded in a whiny tone holding his hands together in support Dae gave a put his hands on his face and gave a cute smile. Min Ho half rolled his eyes and looked at all the faces in the room.

Dropping his hands with a sigh he agreed, and the room erupted into cheers, “But if you guys break anything I swear-” he started but was cut off as the chatter started. Maddison suggested we should divide up tasks, set up a small buffet, get alcohol and get dressed up.

Everyone separated the tasks between them, but my eyes kept shifting towards Min Ho, he looked distant, he was never usually against a party. He said he’d sort the alcohol and walked out the room, I looked around at everyone dispersing again then followed him.

We were heading towards his dad’s office, where Q had secretly snuck Jin in last night, thankfully the guys made up with him earlier or this day could have been very awkward, though it did seem like he gave them a rather tough time when they were younger and what he did to Q was not forgiven.

“Are you okay?” I ask after closing the door behind us, he didn’t turn, if he knew I was following him it didn’t show.

“Yep, I’m thinking the alcohol can be his payment for ditching me once again,” he says nonchalantly taking a key out of a draw and unlocking a tall cabinet, there on the bottom shelf laid what must have been about 30 different bottles.

I step closer and lean against the wall watching him pick up the bottles, read the label, leave some out and those that didn’t appease him went back in.

“Min Ho,” I said, my voice more tender than I intended, the playfulness was gone, “Can you look at me for a second?” I asked, for a moment he stopped moving altogether, before letting his shoulder fall and rising up to stand in front of me.

His expression was of that as always, but his eyes redder like a tear could appear any moment, “I can’t exactly say I’m surprised,” he shrugged and watched me waiting. A sadness settled over the room. I took a step towards him and just opened my arms, momentarily he was stood still, then he leaned down and wrapped his hands around my middle as mine went to the back of his neck.

“I’m sorry Min Ho,” I said, he didn’t let go, “You deserve better than this,” I said and pulled him closer, running my hand over his nape. As we stood there it felt as though a piece of my own heart was breaking, I could feel my throat getting drier, I shut my eyes tight.

I’m not sure if we were stood there for a minute or five but when he pulled away slightly, we looked at each other and for the first time I felt as though I saw him, really saw all of him.

“Whilst you’re here any preference?” he breaks out of the bubble and goes back to the stash as if nothing happened; I pull myself back together and kneel down next to him to look at options we have.

When we brought everything up Q looked directly at me, Min Ho placed the bottles on the table and rushed towards his room. I placed the ones I carried, and Q came right over, taking off the little apron he found leaving Julianna and Dae in the kitchen.

“How is he?” Q asks, and I lift my gaze from the table, the concern in his eyes mirrored that in mine.

I let out a sigh and shrugged my shoulders before replying in a hushed tone so they couldn’t hear in the kitchen, “He’s Min Ho, you know how he is, won’t say a thing,” I conveyed. Q nods knowing this would have likely been the case.

“He’ll come around when he needs to talk, for now it’s important we’re just here for him,” he said I agreed. When Dae announced they were done in the kitchen the four of us headed to get ready. Yuri laid her arm around my shoulder in a side hug as we walked to the room.

Yuri and I were the last to get ready the others were mostly done, the girls were playing music in the room, putting finishing touches to their makeup. None of us brought anything extremely fancy, but just enough.

The atmosphere in the house was much uplifted as everyone started having drinks and nibbling on the snacks. When Min Ho walked in and I couldn’t look away, he wore black trousers and a white sweater, his mood was too seemingly improved, he sent a smile my way.

Everyone was talking and dancing on the makeshift dancefloor, the table was pulled to the side, the drinks we’re going down as quickly for me as some others. Q and Jin were the sober ones as they both said that athletes don’t drink so at least I wasn’t the only one, though I was getting to the warm side of tipsy.

Coming back from the bathroom I spotted Dae and Eunice making out in the doorframe of one of the rooms and couldn’t help but smile, I was glad he was able to find someone who made him happy after how things ended with Kitty, especially since he wasn’t really over her at the start of this semester.

“Let’s do truth or dare!” Maddison announced after another shot as I made back into the room, a mixture of responses was heard but the red head quickly shot them all down, “Don’t all be babies, this is prime time to get to know everyone’s secrets,” she exclaimed falling back onto one of the sofas.

Everyone gathered around taking seats with their drinks.

“Okay I’ll start,” she said excitedly looking around at everyone as if they were her prey, “Okay, Julliana truth or dare?”

“Truth,”

“What is your favourite thing about Yuri?”

Julianna smiled at the question, resting her glass against her lips as she thought, “There’s just so many,” she laughed, Yuri looking at her expectantly, “The fact that she’s so unapologetically herself,” she said, and Yuri pulled her close and pressed their lips together. My eyes shot directly to Kitty who was looking everyone but at the couple.

“Okay, okay my turn,” Yuri said turning back to the crowd, “Q, truth or dare?”

“I’ll do a truth,”

“Who’s the best kisser you’ve ever kissed?” Q blushes and looks at Jin, his eyes shyly meeting his.

“Jin,” a series of aws and ews came out from everyone.

“Okay so, my queen of Choas,” Q started but Kitty threw him an exaggerated look of shock, “In retirement of course,” he finished lifting his hands in defence, if only he knew what Kitty had done before we left for this trip, “truth or dare,”.

“Truth,” she replied.

“Do you miss living with us,” he asked, and Maddison let out a boo, not juicy enough for her, but Kitty gave him a thankful look.

“Eh I basically spend the same amount of time at your dorm, apart from the sleeping fact,” she laughed, and Q gave her a side hug.

“Okay for that boring question lets do a never have I have, so drink if you have” the red head announced and looked towards Eunice.

The other girl furrowed her brows and made eye contact with Dae, “Never have I ever had a not so innocent dream about someone in the room,” she said. I lifted my glass to my lips whilst watching who else did, pretty much everyone, including Min Ho, everyone broke into trying to guess who dreamt about who.

Jin perked up “Min Ho yours has to be that girl you kissed in that music video for your dad this summer, surely,” but Min Ho only brushed him off.

Kitty quickly ceased control of the room “Okay, y/n truth or dare?”

“Truth,” I say not wanting to pick either really.

Madisson huffed, “Come on you guys let’s stop being boring!”, everyone else seemed to agree with her, convenient that she didn’t complain about that earlier.

“Dare,” I say giving in, and look back at Kitty with that mischievous glint in her eyes and am fully regretting my decision to give into peer pressure.

She smiled and proclaimed, “I dare you to kiss the person you find most attractive in the room,”.

Everyone’s eyes shot to me and an excited murmur started, I’m unable to take my eyes off my best friend, I knew she probably wanted to do good, but this was actually my worst nightmare.

“Kitty come on,” I try but no one jumps up to my defence. I look to Yuri and Q for some help but they both look like they want to see this play out.

Then Madisson’s new roommate Stella got out of her seat, she was always so quiet so all eyes shoot to her, “If you won’t do it I will,” she said with a new surge of confidence. Everyone looked confused, she made her way across the room to the wall on which Min Ho was leaning against.

His eyes scanned her face and a sick feeling started rising in my stomach, we are just good friends, maybe it was the alcohol not mixing well in my stomach. It’s not until her lips are about to touch his that I get up and rush out the room, saying I needed some fresh air.

Kitty tried to come after me, telling me its going to be fine that Stella had no chance against me and what not, but I just turned around and something in me exploded “How about you focus on your own love life Kitty, you need to tell Julianna the about what happened,” I whisper shouted.

Kitty’s face crumbled and she looked so hurt.

“Tell me what?” Julianna’s voice questioned as she appeared in the hallway.

Kitty and I turned to see her looking our way and Yuri standing beside her, Julianna looked between the two and a realization seemed to have struck her. Kitty tried to say something, to explain and I just walked away feeling even worse.

All of us had out swimsuits under our clothes cause we we’re going to end the night in the hot tub, so I headed out there now. Sitting warm water trying to keep my tears in check I could avoid the feeling of dread that I left in the house, still a few slipping gently down my face.

“Y/n,” a voice approached but I didn’t turn to him, I couldn’t, I just embarrassed myself and left Kitty to fend for herself, “come on,” he said sitting down on the side of the tub.

“I’m a terrible person,” I say simply, my whole body slumping into the hot water of the hot tub, being submerged made me feel numb.

“Can you come out so we can talk?”

“Nope, I’m going to sit in here until the water sucks me up whole and I disappear,” I admit and join my hands nervously under the water.

He sighted slightly and I could see him shuffling in the corner of my eye.

“If you won’t come out I’ll come in,”

“You really don’t have to,” I argue but he doesn’t listen, he steps in and settles in the water next to me.

“You’re not a terrible person,” he says and I turn to look at him momentarily.

“I got Kitty into shit with Julianna, I’m arguing with my parents over the most stupid thing, and I just keep ruining things for myself because I keep getting so anxious- I am like the worst,” I express looking out into the distance of the dark sky.

I feel him shuffle left to me, “come here,” he whispers and he pulls me into a hug, he’s warmer than the water, “The thing about Kitty was bound to come out at some point, and to be honest the longer it took the worse the outcome would have been,” he said brushing a hand down my hair.

I pull away slightly, “They broke up haven’t they?” I asked, his eyes softened, and he nodded, “and Kitty isn’t speaking to anyone?” I ask.

“Q went to sit with her, she won’t be angry at you forever, you guys will talk it out,” he reassured me.

I let out a half-defeated chuckle, “Who would have thought you could be somewhat wise,” I teased wiping a tear from under my eye.

“I am wise you’re just blind to genius,” he pulls one of his resting bitch faces and looks towards me with one brow raised and I actually let out a laugh.

“There she is,” he says and I can feel a smile spread across my lips, “So,” he says leaning on his arm to look at me, “who were you going to kiss?” he asked, his voice a whisper even though we were both alone out here.

I can feel the blush creep up the back of my neck and cheeks and hope that it’s too dark for him to see. The silene is peaceful and I could stay out here all night, with the mixture of fresh air and the hot water.

“Does it matter?” I ask turning towards him, I hadn’t realised how close he was sitting to me, I could feel my heartrate multiplying.

He smiles and shrugged, “I need more material for making fun of you,” he said but there was no harshness or mal intent behind it, an actual smile made its way onto my way and I shook my head, “Oh it was totally me,” and so the cockiness was back.

“Oh you wish,” I say with a challenge, the corner of his lips upturn, but my gaze falls down and my teeth sink into my bottom lip, “how was your kiss with Stella, I hear she’s been crushing on you,” I say with a sad echo of playfulness.

He shifted closer to me, “I didn’t kiss Stella,” he says, leaning his head against his fist, I watch his face waiting, “I told her there is only one person I want to kiss, and it’s not her,”.

His eyes flutter down to my lips, I can’t help but take in a breath and search his face.

“Who is it then?” I ask, so quietly you could almost miss it.

“It’s you, silly,” he says as if he were explaining it to a five-year-old.

The silence returned.

“Y/l/n”

I turned to face him again, his hand came up to move my hair behind my ear.

“Min Ho,” I say in tone that came out as a mix of a warning but also desire that was bubbling too close to the surface, we were crossing dangerous grounds here and there would be no going back.

His eyes went to my lips and mine to his. Then he was leaning in, I closed my eyes and let it happen. His lips against mine was much better than my imagine could ever do it justice, it was slow kiss, then another, and one more before he pulled away slightly and rested his forehead against mine.  

“I’ve been waiting a long while to do that,” he says and the strain in his tone brings out something in me. I put my arms around his hand and pull him onto another kiss, this one deeper, his arms found my waist and he pulls me closer and closer until I’m sitting on his lip.

“Better than you could have imaged, I know,” he says after he pulls away and laugh, moving my hand to splash him with water.

“I hate that Kitty was right. Again,” I say.

Min Ho runs a hand through his hair, “This is the only time I’m not mad that that girl is right,” he states.

Eventually we left the hot tub and made our way back inside, most people have dispersed to different rooms, the atmosphere definitely ruined. Kitty was sat crossed legged on the sofa staring at her phone as we walked in, Min Ho gave me a smile and pointed his head in her direction.

“Kitty,” I said nervously.

Her eyes shot directly to me, her eyes also red, she dropped her phone and rushed over to me pulling me into a hug, I squeezed her tightly.

“I’m so sorry,” I said, “I shouldn’t have said anything- it wasn’t my place-” I started to say rapidly btu Kitty interrupted me

“I’m also sorry, I’ve been so caught up in all this drama I didn’t even know you were fighting with your parents, and it’s good it got out now, it would have been so much more hurtful for everyone the longer it was kept quiet.

“I love you girl,” I said, tears building up in my eyes.

She giggled “I love you more,” she said pulling away, “and now I want to hear every detail about what just happened in that hot tub!” she squealed pulling to me to the sofa and pointing out the window a clear view of the tub, I hid my face behind me hands, “Looks like Kitty the matchmaker was right again,” she said proudly.

It was a relief that Kitty was able to forgive me, we spoke a little about Min Ho aware that he could be lurking around anywhere, then we talked about my fall out with my parents, and I dropped them a text saying we should talk when they wake up. Before we knew it was well past one in the morning and we agreed it was time for bed.

I paused in front of Min Ho’s door questioning whether to knock and say goodnight or if that was too weird.

“You go girl!” Kitty whisper cheered walking towards the room we slept in last night.

I took a deep breath in preparation and knocked, “Come in,” the voice on the other side said and so the rest of the night was spent talking and cuddling, maybe this trip wasn’t a total disaster after all.                                                                                  

[pixiexdusts-world]

Min Ho’s unexpected plus-one

Min Ho Moon x girlfriend!reader

Summary: Min Ho surprises his friends with a girlfriend, and they can’t believe she’s real.

~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~

If my heart beats any faster, I might actually pass out.

I smooth down my sweater for the hundredth time as Min Ho leads me toward the table where his friends—Dae, Q, and Kitty—are sitting. They’re deep in conversation, laughing at something I can’t hear, but the moment Min Ho clears his throat, all three heads turn in our direction.

“Guys,” Min Ho says, his voice casual but confident. “This is my girlfriend.”

Three pairs of eyes widen simultaneously.

“Girlfriend?!” Kitty is the first to react, nearly choking on her drink. She looks between us with the kind of shock I imagine she’d reserve for a major K-drama plot twist. “Did I miss something? Since when do you date?”

Min Ho sighs dramatically, placing a protective arm around my waist. “You all act like I was destined to be alone forever.”

Dae, who has been quiet up until now, finally blinks out of his stunned state. “I mean… kinda?” He looks at me with an apologetic smile. “Not because there’s anything wrong with you! Just, you know, because Min Ho’s… Min Ho.”

I laugh, and Min Ho groans. “Wow. Amazing. So much faith in me.”

Q leans forward, resting his chin on his hand as he studies me. “Okay, but seriously. We need details. How did this happen?”

“Yeah, and how are you putting up with him?” Kitty chimes in, narrowing her eyes at Min Ho like she’s waiting for me to expose all his flaws.

Min Ho scoffs, pressing a hand to his chest. “You know, a normal reaction would be ‘Congratulations, Min Ho! We’re happy for you, Min Ho!’”

Dae shrugs. “We’re still processing.”

I decide to take pity on him. “Honestly, he just kind of grew on me.” I glance up at him with a teasing smile. “Like an expensive, annoyingly charming fungus.”

Kitty gasps in delight. “Oh, I love her.”

Q grins. “Yeah, she’s definitely keeping him humble.”

Dae finally smiles. “Okay, okay, I approve.” He looks at Min Ho. “But if you mess this up, you know we’re all taking her side, right?”

Min Ho sighs. “Obviously.”

I can’t help but laugh as Kitty gestures excitedly for me to sit next to her, already launching into a million questions. Min Ho might have been nervous about this introduction, but honestly? I think I just found my new favorite people.

~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~

As the night goes on, I settle into the group’s dynamic faster than I expected. Kitty is relentless with her questions, grilling me on everything from my favorite K-drama to my most embarrassing childhood story. Q is effortlessly charming, throwing in sarcastic quips that make Min Ho roll his eyes every five minutes. Dae, despite being the most reserved, gives me reassuring smiles that make it clear he’s warming up to me.

Min Ho stays close the whole time, his arm slung casually across the back of my chair, his fingers occasionally brushing against my shoulder. It’s subtle, but I can tell he’s still a little nervous, like he needs to make sure I’m okay. It’s sweet, really.

At one point, Kitty leans over and whispers, “You know, I don’t think I’ve ever seen him like this.”

“Like what?” I whisper back.

She glances at Min Ho, who’s currently bickering with Q over something ridiculous, then back at me with a knowing smile. “Soft.”

I feel my face warm, but before I can respond, Min Ho turns back to us. “What are you two conspiring about?”

Kitty just winks. “Nothing. Just girl talk.”

Min Ho narrows his eyes at her suspiciously, but before he can press further, Dae checks his phone and sighs. “I should probably head out. My dad’s expecting me home soon.”

Q stretches. “Yeah, me too. But this was fun. You’re officially part of the group now,” he says, giving me an approving nod.

Kitty grins. “Yeah, and don’t worry, we’ll make sure Min Ho treats you right.”

Min Ho scoffs. “She doesn’t need you guys for that. I’m an amazing boyfriend.”

I hum thoughtfully. “Debatable.”

Kitty bursts into laughter. “Oh yeah, I definitely like her.”

As we all say our goodbyes, Min Ho laces his fingers through mine and pulls me a little closer. “See? Told you they’d love you.”

I smile up at him. “Yeah, I think I love them too.”

He smirks. “Not more than you love me, though. Right?”

I roll my eyes, but there’s no denying the warmth spreading through my chest. “You’re lucky you’re cute.”

Min Ho grins. “I knew it.”

And just like that, I realize—being with him, being part of this? It feels exactly right.

[niniwritesxo]

nsfw alphabet - nam-gyu (player 124)

(it contains things like degrading, threesomes, and nam-gyu being an asshole tbh, if you aren’t into that i wouldn’t read this x)

saw this on @cybrasigilism ‘s page, you should really check that out ! (love their writing btw)

——————————————————————————

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

- sorry to burst your bubble but his aftercare is probably none existent, he might hand you the tv remote afterwards but that’s about it.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

- 100% his hands, obviously he had to add some rings, because he knows girls like you will go crazy over it. favorite part about you is most likely your boobs or your ass (basic am i right?)

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

- he for sure has a breeding kink (who said that haha)

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

- a dirty secret about namgyu is the fact he would to have a trio with thanos and you, the thought of seeing thanos fucking you turns him on more than he would like to admit.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

- i think he has had a lot of one night stands, so he knows what he is doing.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

- he loves when you are on top of him, that way he can look at your body all he wants, the way your boobs bounce when he is thrusting into you, how you are so out of breath after a few rounds, he loves it.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

- i don’t think he is very humorous in bed, he doesn’t even think about making a joke in the moment because he is so focused.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

- i don’t think he has a insane bush, but lets just say he isn’t perfectly trimmed either.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

- he sees you as a fuckbuddy, good for fucking. he isn’t looking for a relationship so he probably isn’t that romantic.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

- he looks up your (or your friends insta) and jerks off to your photos.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

- i feel like he would love tying you up, seeing how you aren’t able to move while he gets to do whatever he wants. (and knife play ..anyways!)

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

- definitely in places where you COULD get caught like, fittings rooms & public restrooms.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

- praise 1000%

‘Bet you’ve never been fucked like this huh?’ he says out of breath grabbing your chin, at this point it’s almost impossible for you to talk, it’s like he fucked your brains out. You decide to nod.

‘Fucking speak up’ he says glaring at you.

‘n-namgyu please, i need y-you please’ you manage to puff out.

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

- anal.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

- he loves receiving especially when you suck him off. but he is also a munch, he loves going down on you. he could do it for hours.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

- he is very rough and fast, it’s almost like hate fucking, nothing sensual about it.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

- he loves quickies, especially in the games he would find places where he could quickly release his stress onto you.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

- i think he has tried a lot already but will try all sorts of stuff on you.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

- depends if he is under the influence of something, if he’s taken something? he could go on for hours on end. if he is sober he’ll probably pass out after a good 40 minutes.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

- he doesn’t own or use toys, he feels like his hand are good enough to keep you satisfied.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

- he is such a tease, you definitely need to wait before you can cum and he’ll make sure you beg for it.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

- i don’t think he moans, he is more like a grunts guy. i feel like he talks a lot tho. (cursing and degrading you obvi)

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

- it kinda turns him on when you try to be bossy for once, telling him what to do and what he isn’t aloud to do.

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

- he has a average body, leaning more towards a dad bod than a jacked up guy tho.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

- his sex drive is hiiigh, he always feels horny and is always in for a quickie.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

- give him ten minutes and he is gone.

english isn’t my first language so if i made any mistakes, i apologize x

[sheepispink]

Love grows (Where My Rosemary Goes) ᡣ𐭩ྀིྀི

ᡣ𐭩ྀིྀི COD MASTERLIST Part of the Sweet As Sugar Series

ᡣ𐭩ྀིྀི simon riley x (afab) baker! reader (final chapter)

ᡣ𐭩ྀིྀི Another date is planned however is promplty ruined, leaving the both of you trying to do your best in the situation. Thankfully, Simon's a sweetheart, and you love him too much to let him go for a second.

a/n: this is the final chapter guys, im so upset that it's ending but thats why this chapter is extra long lol. also yes the title is based on that song, it actually inspired a large majority of this fic WC: 7.4K

cw: period comfort

PREV

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Simon was confident— really confident. After the initial embarrassment of suddenly kissing you, it came with a wave of pride for flustering you so much. He had so many doubts when he first realised he actually wanted to pursue you— unsure if you’d even consider him an option, given his stark silence around most. Of course, there was the matter of his work too, and everything else that came with being a man like him. Sure, he was a little—a lot— messed up in the head, but he knew to himself he’d never hurt you; that’s the one thing he could trust.

There was no need to take you out on an abundance of dates when being with you like this was satisfying enough, however, he really did want to spoil you at least a little. An expensive restaurant or maybe he could even take you down to London for a weekend; the ideas have been spilling into his head every night just as you’ve been telling him about all the fun activities you want to try with him. But he’s still not able to get a suitable amount of time off, so a night out will have to do.

He had considered booking out a really fancy venue, but you seemed like you’d get shy if you were thrown on the spot into that, so he thought what better than in the comfort of your own town? Maybe he could even bake something for you— not that he was half as good of a cook as you were, but damn, it’s the thought that counts, right? His mind has been occupied trying to think of the perfect idea for his last few days of training. In fact it was so much so that Price stared at him in confusion when he let out a curse from walking straight into a door. He was still annoyed about that, but he was more concerned about how he’d ask you. What if he was jumping the gun, and you wanted to take things really slow? Though.. He did kiss you straight up and you certainly didn't complain about that.

So eventually you had received the text, telling you to meet him next Friday for dinner at a restaurant near your bakery. It wasn't too fancy, but he knew they served some damn good food, and he was willing to buy you the entire menu if you so wished. Of course, you were over the moon about it, spending the majority of that evening looking for the perfect outfit before settling on something a little formal yet casual all the same. You bought a brand-new pair of shoes to complete it, and now you try the outfit on literally any chance you get just to make sure it’s perfect.

——

“Hi Simon.” You’re practically grinning from ear to ear, and it’s not even Wednesday yet, only Saturday; not to mention how your voice is practically brimming with excitement. He steps forward, noticing how your hands are planted on the counter like you’re impatiently waiting for him to come even closer. 

“Someone’s excited.” He hums and, before he can even order, you have the paper bag filled with his usual placed upon the counter along with a freshly brewed black coffee. 

“Can you blame me? The whole week I haven't seen you.”

Simon loves the little frown on your lips when you say that, especially because you haven't failed to drop subtle hints every time you text him about wanting him to stop by. Life’s been particularly hectic the past two weeks, but you’ve been so understanding about all of it; at least you’ll be very happy on Friday with what he has planned. 

“I know, ‘m sorry about that.” He takes the coffee cup gratefully, quickly sliding his payment in the tip jar before you can swat his hand away like you always try to do. “I’ll call you tonight, okay?” Content, you nod along, joyful for a sliver of his time even when you know he’s working hard for something that’s being planned soon. You know he can't tell you much, so you appreciate any sliver of information he grants, but you’d rather take his time than answers.

——

The door jingles faintly as another customer enters; it’s midday on Wednesday, and you’ve been baking all day whilst your family runs the shop. Simon’s finally got a lunch break that he can actually sit down for, and so he makes his best decision which is to facetime you. As always, the pair of you talk about whatever, and you do your best to smile wide, fingers sticky as you knead your knuckles into the great pound of bread dough.

Although, Simon’s been growing a little concerned, repetitively watching your brows furrow when you think he’s not really looking at you, or trailing off into silence when you run out of things to say. “Hey, love.” You hum in return, shaping the dough into smaller bun sizes, movements a little more sluggish than per usual. “Are you okay?” Immediately, your eyes snap up and stare forward at him, almost like you’re frozen, before nodding your head quickly and returning to the dough again.

 “Yeah.. yeah, I'm fine. Why?”

If he had doubts before, he was positive now as you falter, eyes drooping a little more. “You're exhausted. What time did you go to bed last night?” There it is, his lieutenant tone coming out and making you frown at him as he uses it against you. 

“Only ten thirty.. That’s not even that late.” You groan, moving the phone to face the ceiling so he stops scrutinising your eye bags.

“And what time did you get up, huh?”

“Seven thirty! It wasn't even that early.” You’re right though, and he can't even be mad. That’s around nine hours of sleep, which is plenty for your age and what you need. So why do you look like you’re about to topple over and use that bread as a pillow?

“You’re not lying, are you?”

“Hey— I am not!”

He sighs, knowing he’ll likely not get much farther like this, especially if it really wasn't your fault. It’s only Wednesday, but still, he really doesn't want you to be ill for Friday. “Make sure you look after yourself okay? Sleep earlier if you have to.”

And then he’s gone, probably rushed away from his already short lunch break. You sigh quietly, upset he’s gone but also feeling like you somehow annoyed him. Guilty, you shove your earphones in, an uneasy feeling settling in your gut.

——————-

It’s Friday evening when he drives by, stopping outside the bakery. The lights are off, signalling you’re probably upstairs finishing up. He sends a quick text over, letting you know he’s arrived whilst he leans against the passenger door. A bouquet of flowers is held behind his back, similar to the ones on your prized mug— he just hopes he really has the right ones, and you're not actually allergic to them or something. Then you arrive in your pretty outfit, his eyes raking over your form as you smile at him, lips glossy. As you walk down the steps, he can't help but notice how tired you look despite the attempt to use makeup to cover it up; there’s no way he is just going to let that slide. “Hey, hey wait.. You do not look good at all.” He frowns at you, taking one of your smaller hands in his and pulling you forward as he looks over you. 

“I don't look good?” You freeze, staring at him like he just insulted your entire existence, which he may as well have if you heard that correctly. The sound of your voice sounding so hurt is enough for him to realise his minor mistake, chuckling softly as he presses a soft kiss to your forehead. “Not..what I meant, sweetheart. You look absolutely stunnin’ but… also exhausted, are you sure you’re up for this?”

You blink at him, as if not believing his words in the slightest. “I told you the other day I was fine—can we just go?” The words tumble out, and you noticeably wince at your own impatient tone— you did not mean to say it like that.

  For a second you pause, eyes glancing everywhere as you try to save it, but he just nods his head, pulling the bottom of his mask down again and placing the bouquet in your hands. “Alright, alrigh’. And these are for you, pretty girl.”

——

Despite his reaction, the ride is silent apart from the soft sound of your favourite music playing, though it only serves to make you feel all the more guilty. The restaurant isn't too far away, only a half an hour drive, but it feels like forever especially with how quiet the two of you currently are right now. Annoyingly enough, there’s absolutely no parking nearby, making him mutter a curse beneath his breath before doing a U-turn and parking two streets down. “Sorry, love. Gonna have to walk it.” He looks a little disappointed as he gets out of the car with you following behind before he can open the door for you—that’d make you feel even more guilty. Your small purse is clutched in your hand as you shake your head, trying your best to make up for your behaviour. “T-that's fine, really. I can walk.”

The streets aren't quiet today, a couple of teenagers laughing loudly and a few retail workers finishing their shifts, packing to go home. It’s only seven, but you have no doubt that it’ll only grow louder as more people celebrate the arrival of the weekend. It’s going fine now—at least you think it is. Simon’s talking with his voice low, something about a shop he saw when driving through the other day. Ever since he had fixed up your entire bakery, he’s been oddly intrigued by every deal he sees, tempted to keep himself busy and with the best tools too of course. In your head, it’s his own strange way of spoiling himself. 

You’re really trying to pay attention as he tells you the homeware store nearby is shutting down— you’re hanging onto every word, you swear��� but every time another shot of pain riles up your abdomen your breath hitches.  After the first time it happened, he had turned to you in concern, and you pretended to cough, saying you needed to clear your throat. Contemplative, he eventually insisted that you drink some water before he began speaking again, hand gently holding yours as he looked at the restaurants you pass. 

“Hm.. Pottery painting? Didn’t you want to try that out? Maybe you should come here next time.”

“Oh yeah.. I- I should. Hey what about that store across the street? Do you think they got any good antiques to decorate the shop?” Okay, you may have baited him to look away whilst you’re half-keeled over from another stomach cramp–your hand fighting its hardest not to squeeze his one. “Maybe I can have a look later.” He hums in response, turning his head just a second after you stand back upright and smile at him like nothing happened.

Though, you would be incredibly stupid to think you could fool an SAS operator of all people, let alone one that loves you.

His steps have frozen to a stop, the Lieutenant in him coming to show why he has that title when he eyes you down suspiciously, watching every twitch in your demeanour when you look at him, swallowing sharply. “You’re not okay, are you?”

 “What? I’m fine. What kind of restaurant are we going to? I’m already getting hungry just thinking—” You cut yourself off when you notice how his eyebrow is very clearly raised beneath the mask, silently questioning you. He’s not actually mad.. You hope, though you don't get a second longer to consider it before another sharp pain stings your abdomen, making your hand clench your hip. You know that was his last straw when he grunts, Adam's apple bobbing as he watches your features form a grimace, clearly in pain. 

“You’re going home.” He states simply, squeezing your palm in his before pulling you back in the direction you came from. 

“Wait, but it’s not that bad, it’s only a little..” He shakes his head when you grasp his arm, trying to plead with him, but he only picks up the pace instead.

Soon enough, you’re back down the second street, his hand now resting on your lower back as he walks with purpose. His eyes are set forward as he scans the road ahead, narrowed as if he’d kill anything that’d come before the two of you.

“Simon.. Are you mad at me?” 

You look nervous to even ask, a hitch in your breath at each of his sharp and sudden movements and the worst is when you discard his nickname like that. He looks at you, the way you stare at him like you’re going to snap in two if he says anything wrong. Don't you see how much you worry him?

“No.. No, I'm not. Just get into the car, okay? We don't need some fancy dinner when you’re not feelin’ right.”

——

The car is cold, just like this night is, even if it’s been plenty sunny all week. It’s seven thirty now, stopped outside a small Tesco express whilst you wait for Simon to finish up inside. For once, you’re terribly regretting all of this. You’ve never been in a relationship, hell you don't even know what you’re supposed to do in one let alone all of this. If you hadn't messed up the day you avoided him and made him give you reassurance, you’ve definitely done it now. He’s never usually this quiet, and there’s no other explanation than him growing fed up with your antics. After all, who the hell agrees to go out to dinner just to not be able to because of some stupid, stupid cramps?

This was all too much but damnit you were too far away from home now to just run and hide like you always did— like a damn coward does. With thoughts growing more and more self-deprecating, your eyes become wetter by the second until you hear the click of the car door, and you almost immediately sit up straight, sniffling down any prior feelings. Simon opens the driver door, sitting inside before he wordlessly drapes his jacket over you and passes you one of those instant hot chocolates from the machines. He has a little plastic bag with him, one that he doesn't show you the contents of and only places in the backseat. “You were shiverin’.” He shrugs, looking at your confused face before starting up the car again and reversing out of the car park, back towards your home again.

——

“I’ll be back.”

He left you in your apartment whilst he went back to the car, leaving you anxious as you slowly made your way into your bedroom. This place was a mess, and if he was going to spend the evening here—if he even wanted to— this was not going to happen in the slightest. So, even whilst your eyes brim with tears and your lip wobbles, you place away the clothes left out when you were getting ready earlier, along with the random accessories strewn around. As you put away each item, your sniffles only grow even more, almost convinced Simon thinks of you as some weak naive girl; at this point, you were stupid to think you could make this work.

“What are you doing?” He stands in the doorway, blinking as you make your bed, pulling the duvet to each corner and straightening out the creases. “My apartment is messy..” You mumble out, but he only shakes his head again. “No.. No, stop. You’re not well, just… change into your pajamas or something comfy.” Then he’s gone, into the living room to deal with the rustle of something. Meanwhile, you try your best to not sob whilst you put on your warmest jumper and comfiest pajama bottoms, terrified of the ending of this. 

———

Swallowing sharply, you walk towards the couch, noticing him hunched over his phone, looking intently through the UberEats app. He’s done practically everything for you: from driving you back and forth, treating you to a meal and now even buying you something else you can eat just because you're an idiot who can't just push through something as stupid as cramps. Never has he made you lift a finger when he’s perfectly able to do something for you. What do you even do? You make lunch for him every so often, yeah, you had given him some things to help deal with his insomnia that one time, and you always give him something good to eat when he comes down. But is that all? Compared to the things he’s done for you, even when he waves it off as nothing, was far more strenuous than the stupid chicken buns you perfected just for his sake.

Did you even really deserve him? 

The thoughts choke your throat up, making you hesitate right outside your bedroom door. Should you beg for his forgiveness, for being such a bad girlfriend to him? That’d just pressure him to say it’s alright, give you sweet reassurance again— guilt-tripping him. What if this was all a big guilt trip? You had proven you were nothing compared to him, and so he felt forced to comply and help you. That only makes your breaths grow uneven, the seed of doubt growing in your mind as you sniffle to stop your nose from running. 

Stop seeking attention.

Trying to swallow down the guilt that clogs your oesophagus is near impossible, and you’re not even sure if you can face him knowing the person you actually are. So, your hand settles on the handle of your bedroom door, hurriedly deciding on hiding away before you cause him anymore trouble. 

“Cute pajamas.” There’s a smirk on his lips as he walks up behind you and looks at the little bunnies embroidered onto your t-shirt and trousers; he’s feeling a lot more relaxed knowing you’re safe at home now. “C’mon, sit on the couch. I was thinking we could order chinese, been a minute since I’ve had that.” He mutters, gently taking your arm in his hand and leading you over to the couch. You follow, teeth clenched together like you’re frozen in place, whilst he nudges you to take a seat. Though you don't ever reply, making him turn away from the snacks he’s set up on the coffee table, looking back at you properly.

“Hey—hey, what’s wrong?”

Hot tears spill down your cheeks, staining your skin as you meet his worried gaze, only feeling all the worse each second he looks your way. “Si- I— I’m sorry!” You blurt out, unable to get anything else out as you begin to messily sob into your hands, leaving a salty taste on your tongue similar to the pit of guilt swirling in your stomach.  He stands there dumbfounded, unsure how to react, since he’s never had to deal with someone seeking comfort from him before. Sure, he’s given you reassurance, but this was different— you wanted him to make you okay again, or at the very least calm you down.

“What is there to be sorry for?” He blurts out, standing awkwardly before you with his hands hanging useless at his sides. Should he reach out? He wants to, but he’s not sure if that’s the right move. Simon always thought he was confident in what he knew, and he always has been with each cock of his gun and swing of his knives. Of course, he knew a relationship was new territory, but he hadn't thought it’d move this fast.

“I ruined the whole evening! You always do everything for me and all I do is give you some stupid tea at the end of the day. An-and you introduced me to all your friends and I can't even show you off to mine because I barely have any that aren't just my parents' friends.” You cry out, rambling so fast your lungs can barely keep up, forcing you to take in long breaths to compensate for it. 

“I’ve done nothing for you! And I can't even walk down two roads to go to dinner with you, which is something you actually want for once because of my stupid period!”  He watches, silent, as you choke on your last words, sobbing again into your hands and very clearly overwhelmed. 

Though, that just explains absolutely everything to him. He had a small inkling, but he didn’t want to be that guy who only assumed because you were a little more ticked off than usual. The couch sinks beside you as he sits down, making you look up at him with teary eyes. “I could argue every single one of those points wrong, but I don't see the need to” He states simply, making you look up at him with teary eyes, curling a protective arm around you and pushing your head to lean against his side. 

The hand around your shoulder reaches up to dry the tears spilling down your cheeks. “No offense, but you’re gonna have to come up with a better argument than that for me to leave you, sweetheart.” 

 “And.. you warned me two weeks ago to not believe anything you say if you start bawling whilst on your period.” Now that elicits the smallest huff of laughter through your tears, instantly remembering that yes, you did in fact say that.

It had been late, and you were messing around with him, but he could tell you were slightly serious when you texted him that evening. You had warned him that you tended to get a little over your own head sometimes, and he told you the same—take his messages past one am with a pinch of salt. After all, it’s been more than once that he’s hurriedly woken up Soap for an emergency that had sprouted from his darkest dreams, and the Scot had to sit down with him and explain nothing was happening at all.  So, he definitely understood that the brain was a strange thing, one that did things you didn't always mean. Though, if you hadn't warned him he’d most definitely spend tonight and the next month reminding you everyday that you do so much for him. For now though, his concern was making you feel okay again, and if you still felt those doubts in the next few days when you were feeling better, he’d be happy to debate how you’ve been nothing but perfect for him.

Although, even after all of that you still look hesitant, like something is seriously lingering in your head. “Tell me what’s wrong–I’m here to listen.” It’s true, he promised you he would, and he was here right now, patiently waiting.

“W-why did you suddenly send me back to the car? And you just– you barely let me get a word in–” That’s what had spiralled the self-depreciation out of control, that and overthinking that is. Though, it is pretty hard to think straight when your stomach feels all queasy and sharp pains keep attacking your abdomen. He realises now the mistake he had made, his breath stuck in his throat as he listens to your words. “I thought you were angry with me..” You eventually mumble out, still sniffling whilst the tears escape your eyes.

 How stupid had he been? 

“I..I’m sorry, love.” His hand tightens around your back, fingers gently pressing into your skin. Of course, you had over thought it, probably analysed each of his little actions too. He had been the one to encourage you to communicate with him, and he didn’t even take his own damn advice. “I’m a bloody idiot.”  Guilty, he lets out a long sigh, his hand retracting from behind you. Now it just gently rests on your hand, almost as if asking for permission again.

You watch as he rests his head in his hands for a moment, rubbing at the bridge of his nose before he turns his head to look at you, your watery eyes and tearful expression. It breaks him all over again. “Honestly.. All I was worried about was getting you home so you could be comfortable again. I rarely communicate on the field regarding the reasons for my actions– I just expect them to follow.” It was true, he had mindlessly assumed you’d just understand and follow, like one of his damn soldiers. You weren’t one of them, and you should never be demanded to just ‘understand’ with such poor explanation on his part. 

“That wasn't right of me to expect that of you. It was never my intention to scare you like that, love. I’m sorry.”

His words are slow, and they don't blame you in the slightest which feels like a massive step away from how everyone has usually treated you. In fact, the apology is so raw, his hand still tentatively resting on yours as he looks so distraught at the realisation. After a second or two, the weight beneath your eyes finally rests, sinking as you droop your head. “I.. Thank you. I just– I knew I was getting over myself but I didn't know what to think of your actions. That.. makes a lot of sense, and I don't blame you– I was just worried I guess...”

Even though you’ve accepted his apology, you still look pretty pent-up, fingers slowly rubbing the hem of your shirt. “C’mere, love. Just ‘cause I explained, it doesn't take the hurt away. You have the right to feel upset.” He watches your hand grasp his, locking your fingers together as your thumb quietly traces the cracks in his skin and the folds in his joints.

“Listen to your body, not me.”

So you do, you sniffle again until you’re silently sobbing into the shirt your hands are tightly grasping the back of. When he follows your lead, tucking you close to him again, you bring your knees up onto the couch to shelter yourself beneath his bicep, warmth radiating off of him. You only begin settling down to sniffles once the pit in your gut fades, and you’re beginning to feel lighter. His hand rubs your back slowly, in comforting circles, whilst he whispers soft words in his ears. He’s no pro, but he does know that you deserve all of this and more. 

You're quiet now apart from the occasional inhale from your snotty nose and coughs to clear your choked throat.  “Feeling better?” Silently, you press your knees to your chest as you sit up properly though still staying close to his comfort and security he provides.

 “Yeah, a lot better.” Your voice is all clogged up, a little raspy, but you’re okay and that’s all that matters.

——

The food delivery driver is only a few minutes away now, but you’re feeling icky as it is so you excuse yourself after the long comforting silence to head into the bathroom. There’s tear streaks all down your face, cheeks puffy and eyelashes damp, yet there’s no weight on your chest, and you no longer feel the burden of guilt swarming you. 

After splashing your face with cold water, you already look a little more put together, but no less pitiful. Though..it’s not like he’ll care anyway, it’s Simon— he proves your anxieties wrong practically every day. Your lips pull up into a small smile, looking back at yourself in the mirror before you turn, opening the door to return to your man.

“Si?” You look around just to hear him hum. “Right here, love.”

He peeks round the wall of the kitchen, gesturing you to come over to where he’s taking out all the boxes. “Woah— how much did you buy?” He doesn't seem as fazed as you are, glancing down at the four containers of each different dish he bought. “Hm? This is a normal amount.” 

Normal?? You were only two people, and he had bought enough to feed your whole family and the stray foxes that lingered around. 

“Here, you can eat these two.” Your jaw drops the moment he slides two, massive, containers before you. “What?!”

———-

You’re still giggling like an idiot when you sit down on the couch again, your plate piping hot and his container steaming. “Alrigh’ stop laughing at me.” He tries his best to be stern, but he can't help it when your eyes are all lit up like that, repetitively fanning yourself with your hand because you’ve laughed so much your cheeks are burning. 

“I can't— it’s just so silly–”

He places the container onto his lap so he can reach over to squash your cheeks inwards to shut you up at long last. “Yeah yeah, I know I'm an idiot. I’m just used to having Soap and Gaz who stuff down two containers each and then a third between them.” He huffs out, slightly embarrassed that he had forgotten you physically couldn't eat that much if you even tried. 

You’ve stopped giggling enough to take a bite of your food when he replaces the fork in your hand with the packet of ibuprofen, making you look at him in confusion. “What?”

“Take them, you’re obviously in pain.”

That makes you raise a brow at him, then down at the tablets and then back over at him again. “Do you think I can't handle it? I’ve had periods for like years, Si— I can handle any of this.” You huff confidently, crossing your arms over your chest as he gives you an just as hardened stare. “I never said you couldn't handle the pain, it’s called making it easier for yourself—“

“Yeah but I wanna see how long I can last without it.”

“You what?” This time he does actually look at you like you’re crazy. But then again, you are right, your body not his. “Just.. just eat the food please.”

———

It’s safe to say that he made sure you took the painkillers the second he saw you clutch the pillow beside you again, doing his best to not roll his eyes when you were still adamant on not taking it. You end up feeling a lot better when it finally kicks in, just leaving you content with your head resting on his broad shoulder. 

He leaves to pack the food away before returning with one of your plushies, more specifically the giant penguin that he had won for you. How could you ever forget that day? “Smells like you.” He chuckles, burying his face into the fur before laying it down beside you who instantly clutches it tight. “I’ve slept with Pingu every day.” You hum, resting your chin above its head and loving how perfectly it fits in your arms. It truly is your favourite thing in the world– apart from Simon that is.

“Only you would name it after that crappy cartoon.” Your jaw drops, offended as he plops himself down on the couch beside you, stretching his legs out as he turns the tv on. “Pingu was legendary, thank you.”

“Uh huh, the penguin who’d make a snoot snoot noise at anything and was as stubborn as you when I denied a pastry.”

“I’m not stubborn– it’s called caring for you.” 

“Whatever you say, sweetheart.” 

—-------------------------

One of those crappy game shows are on again, they’re ones you’d usually switch off, but Simon always gets way too invested in them.  “That was definitely the wrong answer” He scowls at the contestant, before switching to a grin when his own guess was right. 

Every time he picks correctly, you get a firm rub up and down your side, and when he gets proven wrong.. you get a squeeze that makes you squeal. His eyes never leave your form when you join in too, chiming in now and then with your prediction, and he kisses your head when you get it right. Though he doesn't fail to notice how you squirm occasionally, shifting uncomfortably to find the right position and failing.

The show has ended and so, his focus has snapped back to you all over again. Out of nowhere he stands, heading into the kitchen and rummaging through the bags he must’ve brought inside when he went back to the car. Then he disappears into your bedroom, before returning to grab your plate and walking back over to place it in the dishwasher. 

“Hm?” You perk up, peeking over the armrest as he continues to move around the room before stopping infront of you. 

“C’mon.” Before you can question what he’s doing, one arm is tucked beneath your legs and the other behind your back, holding you upright. “Woah—hey!” He takes the moment to press a kiss to your lips, making you momentarily stop squirming before he carries you into your bedroom and places you beneath the covers with ease. On the bedside table there’s a steaming cup of tea, some menstrual products and your water bottle filled up to the top beside his own, perfect for when you get thirsty at night. Oh, and obviously some more snacks and the chocolates you were munching seconds ago.

You blink in surprise whilst he tucks a hot water bottle beside you, along with Pingu,  before pulling the covers up to your neck. He grabs the remote, turning on the tv, but this time moves to Netflix, flicking through the series till he settles on the one you’ve been talking about with him. “You call me if you need anything, yeah?”  He teases, fluffing the pillows behind your head. 

“What? Where are you going?”

“Clean up a little, get my bed situated on the couch. I’ll come say goodnight.”

“You—what? No way.” You grab his hand and pull him towards the bed, putting so much force only for him to barely move an inch. Huffing in exasperation, you grab his other hand and tug him. “No way I’ll sleep alone when you’re right here.”

You wanted him here? With you? When you’re like this? Sure, you’re dating and all, but he didn't expect you to want him to stay. He had accidentally made you cry multiple times today and probably pushed your stress levels to the max by simply not explaining something like an idiot. Plus, he always likes to be left alone when he is feeling particularly vulnerable— was this not the same?

“Please?” You plead, and he immediately relents, slowly nodding before gently manoeuvring you to lean back properly.

“Fine, fine, only if you finish your tea. I don't want to hear of a sore throat tomorrow.”

———

It’s late, and you’ve finished your tea now, getting ready for bed. He stands in the bathroom, like he had on your first date, staring into the mirror. If he slept beside you, he could keep the mask on, just half hitched up his face. If he really wanted to, that is.

But was it right? He’d be laying right beside you, so close and the most intimate he’s been with anyone for years, only to keep his mask on. It wasn’t insecurity; it never had been, either. But it was all so strange, he didn't know what to do and, to be honest, he was slightly nervous.

“Si? You almost done? I gotta pee..” You mumble from the doorway, the door swinging open as you lean on it, making you stumble forward. Thankfully, you catch yourself, immediately noticing how he stands before the mirror, dressed in the spare clothes you insisted he keep in the closet. But what you’re more focused on is his hand that lingers near his mask, curling up the edges. Though when he hears you he immediately drops it, nodding without even looking back at you.

You step forward, like a mouse with how silent your feet are. “You don't have to if you don't want to. Whatever is more comfortable for you.” You whisper, gently curling your arms around him, with your head thumping gently against his back. It feels nice, hugging him like this— like you’ve wanted to since the day you met him. 

“Thanks for always looking out for me, Simon. Even when I'm a little bit teary and loopy.”

That gets a small huff out of him, but he continues to stare at the mirror, now focusing on your hands that settle on his side before lightly grazing your nails against him. “If you’re attempting to tickle me, it’s not working.”

“I was not—Okay, I was. How are you not ticklish at all?!” You huff, and he turns around, pinching your cheeks before shaking his head at you. “Go on, do your business. I’ll go make sure the bed’s warm for you.”

———————

Clicking the bathroom door shut, you walk back over to your bedroom, eyes all drowsy. It’s almost ten now, and even if that’s not your usual bedtime, you’re about to make it from how shattered your brain is. You were a tiny bit embarrassed, to say the least. After all, you had burst into tears because he simply did the right thing—to take you home. But then again, it’s Simon and, even if you actually got angry at him for cancelling the plans, he’d have let you punch his chest until you’re satisfied. On the comfort of your couch of course, not outside where the cold would get to you.

Your slippers patter quietly as you walk inside, noticing the main light has been turned off. That’s perfect because your eyes are straining with every second you’re still awake. A yawn threatens to come forward, but you immediately brush it off when you see him. He’s sitting on one side of the bed, wearing only a black t-shirt and sweatpants, on his phone that he usually never touches except for emergencies, of course.

A smile immediately breaks out on your face, failing to be contained as you just stare for a moment, stepping forward until he glances up at you properly, a hint of hesitance in his eyes. “Ready to sleep?” He tries his best to stay as casual as before, you can tell that, but you’ve lost all sense of words so you just quickly nod along, still locked onto him like he’s a painting anyone with a sane mind would fawn over.

“I love you.” You blurt out, crawling atop the bed and making his head turn back to you, surprise written over it. It makes you want to giggle, so very hard, knowing you can now see every little etch that formed his face, the curves, the sharp edges, even properly see his brows now. You love even more that you can make his face change, surprise him, excite him, make him smile. 

“What’s all this about?” Of course, he ignores the obvious, suddenly looking downwards as he opens the covers up and drapes them over you. He still sits atop, almost hesitant to get under before you catch his hand. “Nothin’, just admiring.” You hum, intertwining your hands with his that he rarely leaves bare, apart from the softer moments like these. They’re calloused, and strong, yet so, so, soft whenever they come to handle you. 

After a bit of nudging, he finally gets under the covers, making you sigh with content as you shuffle your way over to him. “You don't mind if I cuddle you, right?” The excitement is written all over your face, clearly wanting to try this with someone for years now, and who would he be to deny? “Jus’ tell me what you want me to do.”

He was expecting you to want him to hug you from behind, or maybe you’d sleep across his chest, but you’re both facing each other in your little bed, and you’ve got your arms tight around his torso and your nose pushed into his neck. He feels your gentle pecks against the scar too close to his throat, down to his collar where many knives have grazed and even on the curve of his shoulder where a bullet had once been lodged. You squeeze him tighter with each one, his own hands tightening on your back.  “Thought I fed you enough—with all of that food.” He  grunts, quieter than usual and you didn't miss his breath hitching when you kissed him again, your nose rubbing against him.

“I’m always hungry.” You hum, grinning, before you pull your head back, staring at him head on. You’ve always loved his eyes, probably because it’s the only thing he would allow you, but this is more than that, looking at him like this. Brown, rich, and full of secrets, enough to make you smile all silly again. You lean forward, kissing his nose full force like he always does to catch you off guard. It cracks a smile on his lips, and he has to avert his gaze for a moment before he turns into some lovesick fool. 

“I think you’re supposed to be sleeping, miss—”

Before he can finish, you’ve caught him in a kiss, your hands curving up his jaw and thumbs cold against his face. It’s a sensation he hasn’t felt in years, skin against skin, and it feels exhilarating. When you break for some much-needed air, you push your palms into his cheeks, squashing his face before giggling at how his lips have been forcefully pursed. 

Rolling his eyes, he scoops you up effortlessly and pushes you back against the mattress, pinning your hands against the pillows. “You are so–”  He huffs, but it breaks once he sees your wide-eyed expression, and he has to drop his head to contain himself, his body wracking with each shake of laughter. You’re soon flattened by his heavy build, squirming beneath him until he relents and rolls onto his back to let you settle properly. Though, he does grab your hands, restraining them for a moment longer. 

“You gonna behave and sleep now?” He raises a brow at you, his face full of so much emotion that it momentarily stuns you. 

“..Only if you sleep over tomorrow as well.”

“If I get you a pretty ring, we can do that every day.” Finally, he sets your hands free, letting you settle them over his body properly before you yawn drowsily. 

“Don’t need a ring to convince me.” Your face is squished comfortably against his heart, which may as well have legal rights to you at this point. His eyes soften as he watches your eyes droop, his hand sinking beneath your shirt to rub at your lower back, knowing you’re likely still all achy. 

“I love you too.” He returns the sentiment, one hand placed atop your head like it wasn’t a phrase but a vow– a promise. Never in his life did he think he’d ever be in the place he is in right now, and despite Soap’s constant words of wisdom that life is full of surprises, this was one of the things he deemed impossible. Yet here you were, the only person who could make him smile like his heart was light again, and the only one who he’d go to the end of the earth and back for. You’re here, the prettiest girl in the damn world, and you’re next to him. 

Though, he’s even more grateful for who you make him as a person. Just today, you’ve changed him for the better, and since you’ve met him he’s learnt so much in the little things that he probably couldn't even count them on one hand. You didn't fix him, no, you healed him, bettered him as a person until he was here, feeling worthy of someone’s love. He’d never be perfect, nowhere close but he’d sure as hell get close with you around.

“I love you.” An whispered oath, and he kisses your head as the day finally catches up to you.

You’re the only one who could ever make him say those three words because—even if the nightmares ate at his mind, the battlefield consumed his limbs or fate took its revenge on him— he loved you and that’s enough to leave him with peace for the rest of his life.

--------------------

buy me a coffee!

bonus drabble

a/n: i cant believe one small drabble turned into this and after five months, we finally finished it!!!! this is the first cod series i've made and i've loved every single chapter I've put out. It makes me so upset to see it go, if im being honest, but i know it's for the best. If anyone does have any ideas for reader and Simon please leave them in my askbox! I will do my best to at least try to write it up as a bonus chapter but for now, this is officially the end. Thank you for all of your support on this series, you have all been so so sweet and i hope you all experience a love as sugary as this one <3

taglist:

@hidden-treasures21 @bieberismysoulmate @gallantys @tessakate @galactict3a @krispymagazinepizza-blog @silas-aeiou @kupids-arrow @enfppuff @oydan @keytofu @vogueprincess @roastyyytoastyyy @pythonmoth

[sanakiras]

LIAR, LIAR!

PAIRING — kim mingyu x fem!reader

❝ AND THE DANCE FLOOR IS FILLING UP WITH BLOOD, BUT OH LORD, YOU’VE NEVER BEEN SO IN LOVE! ❞

WORD COUNT — 13.5k

SYNOPSIS — in a dramatic turn of events, a rich businessman is found dead in his lavish estate, and the authorities believe it was no accident. as the detectives dig deeper, they ultimately end up with two key suspects: you, the businessman’s very own daughter, and your sworn enemy, kim mingyu. as the time progresses, tensions rise and secrets spill — and the truth has the power to either bring you closer together or tear you apart.

TAGS — murder mystery, rich rivals to partners in crime to lovers, whole lotta plot, explicit sexual content, somewhat graphic depictions of death, everyone and everything is dysfunctional™, mentions of suicide, unrealistic circumstances, moral compass is nowhere to be found, angst, medium long hair!gyu bc self-indulgence, tsundere-ish reader again guys sorry i love her so bad, mentions of parental neglect, this ended up so long help

♪ verydeadly - wolves (kanye west cover),, low - dancing and blood,, vessel - red sex,, florence + the machine - mermaids,, zayn - bordersz,, mikky ekko - who are you, really?,, q - alone,, danna paola - tenemos que hablar,, blue foundation - eyes on fire (4 ave version),, summer camp - i want you

NOTE — one of my favorite episodes of going seventeen remains bad clue 2020, i loved mingyu’s role in it and i could totally see him portraying darker/morally grey characters and rock tf out of it so. i wrote this solely based on that idea. the music recs above are also really nice to get into the vibe! enjoyyyy :D

[ RETURN TO PART ONE ] ✧˚ · .⋆ ★ [ TWO ]

viii. I LOVE YOU LIKE A DRUG

november has a harsh cold to it that goes right through the skin of your cheeks. with your long black coat and matching gloves, you walk through the city, heading towards your lawyer’s office.

it’s been a few days since you last saw or talked to mingyu. you’ve been thinking about the kiss constantly, unable to stop it from clouding your mind. it’s hard to believe you hated his guts for years and completely changed your opinion on him within months — he took you by surprise on that. which you’re not sure how you feel about.

it’s as if his handprints were etched into your skin. you can still remember exactly how it felt, where they were. more importantly, perhaps, you know what your mind keeps leading to when the memory runs through your head.

that you want nothing more than for him to put his hands on you again. you want him so much that you have to clench your fists and tell yourself to get it together.

the universe must like to mess with you, as you receive a text from him at that exact moment. stopping in your tracks on the street, you’re just about to read it when you feel a hand on your shoulder.

once you’ve looked up from your phone, you see the devil himself standing there with a meek little smile on his face, which has you scoffing when he greets you. “hi.”

his dark hair is slicked back as he sports a thick winter jacket, jeans and black shoes. god, he’s handsome. why is he so annoying?

instead of responding to his greeting, you just speak your mind. “what’re you doing here?”

“chan mentioned you had an appointment in the neighborhood, so here i am. i wanted to see you.”

“why?”

“what, am i not allowed to visit my partner in crime?”

you purse your lips. “i thought we both agreed on discretion regarding our relationship.”

“and what kind of relationship is that?”

“an understanding.” your response comes out colder than anticipated, but you stick with it. “look, gyu, what we did… we probably shouldn’t do it again.”

he seems surprised. and a little disappointed, which he hides very quickly, but not quick enough.

so he pouts at you, doing his best not to dwell on it. “okay. any particular reason?”

you inhale sharply, trying to give him the best possible excuse you can come up with. “we agreed to keep it professional, didn’t we?”

“we did.” he nods, speaking in a way as if he were focusing on something else. “is that all there is to it? or do you have another reason?”

his gaze is playful, which makes you smile as you look down at your feet for a moment. “i’m sure you can fill the blanks.”

“interesting choice of words.”

“god, you’re such a perv.”

mingyu laughs when you punch his shoulder, his hand comfortable on your lower back. you don’t swat it away, utterly contradicting your previous words, but you can’t find it in yourself to care that much.

two days later, you’re over at his apartment, continuing your research where you left off last week, and you’re not sure if you’re imagining things, but it feels like there is a palpable tension in the air. soft rain taps against the windows while you’re looking at some security footage his friend seungkwan sent over about an hour ago.

with the two of you sitting beside eachother as you’re looking at the screen of your laptop, you find it difficult to focus on the footage, because you feel electrified by his mere presence. it’s ridiculous. he accidentally brushes your knee with your hand, and you feel a rush going through your body. a candle is lit on the table — his tan skin looks beyond beautiful, his brown eyes piercing through yours like never before.

you want him.

you. want. him. and no one else.

it’s driving you nuts, and as if he can read your mind, he begins to talk about it.

“i haven’t been able to stop thinking about our kiss.”

while the footage keeps playing in the background, you bite your lip, sucking in a breath. “gyu.” you say his name in a near scolding manner.

“do you like me?” he suddenly turns his head to face you, which feels borderline intrusive. like he’s able to see everything that’s going on in your head and heart.

it steals your breath, making your voice sound somewhat strained as a result, and you can’t even bring yourself to lie about it any longer. “i might.”

“i like you. a lot.” he says, and when you think he’s getting closer to you, you stand up from your seat, doing whatever you need to do to get it back together. you don’t want him to know how you really feel, so you clench your fists in your place, your back facing him.

“what does it matter? we’re nothing more than partners. that’s all there is to it.”

as you shake your head to yourself, he gets up as well, moving to stand behind you. “is that why you kissed me?”

“it was just the heat of the moment.”

“you’re a good liar — but not that good.” mingyu shamelessly eyes your body up and down, and when you look over your shoulder, he meets your gaze with something that appears to resemble pride, in a way.

arrogance, perhaps.

for whatever reason, that ticks something off in you. “you want me to be honest? fine. i don’t want to like you, mingyu. i didn’t want to enjoy that kiss. i’ve spent years hating you to the bone, and changing that opinion on you feels like betraying myself.”

he blinks at your sudden and blunt confession, but it’s honest and clear to him.

then he nods in understanding.

“just… hypothetically, if i said i wanted to kiss you again, what would you do?”

you notice a clear difference in his tone, his breathing, his eyes dropping down to your lips — oh, he’s fucking turned on. he knows you want him as badly as he wants you. you both know it.

“i’d tell you it was a one-time thing.”

he gets closer to you, eyelids hanging low and the hint of that damn smirk tugging at his mouth. “how about one more? for good measure. just to get our rocks off.”

the proposition is almost laughable, yet you selfishly find yourself agreeing. “just once?”

“just once.” the palm of his hand cups your jaw, and you know you’re done for when you lean in first, causing him to smile triumphantly right before his lips lock with yours.

this is what you’ve both been yearning for the past week. now that you have it, it feels like drugs, almost — addicting.

you kiss him with vigor, and his tongue slips into your mouth, leaving you aching for more. it’s when his hand pulls you closer by your waist that you force yourself to back away from him, both you and him gasping for air.

“gyu, we were supposed to—”

“keep things professional, i know,” he breathes out, his forehead resting against yours as if he has to make the biggest decision of his life, “but i don’t want to anymore.”

his hands are still on your waist, trailing down to the flesh of your upper legs, and he squeezes it, feeling sick at the idea of someone touching you there that’s not him.

“need you so bad. please — let me touch you.”

looking at his desperate form for a moment, you internally decide to go for whatever your body wants — and that’s to have him tonight.

so you roll your eyes, pulling him to you by his black t-shirt, your hands on the back of his neck before he can comprehend it. he hoists you up by the back of your thighs, taking you to his spacious bedroom.

your back touches the soft bed within seconds. his hands continue to glide up and down your body, and he subtly puts his one hand underneath the hem of your shirt, fingers touching your warm skin, and you almost forget to breathe.

mingyu feels your fingers pulling at the waistband of his jeans, and he relishes in how eager you are. he kisses your neck and moves lower painfully slowly, causing you to writhe underneath him, because you need him now.

it’s certainly a first for you to have such a need and desperation to fuck someone. and for him, of all people. if you had known about this in the morning, you wouldn’t have believed it.

but then again, the tension has been brewing between you two for years, reaching its highest point over the last couple weeks.

maybe he was onto something when he suggested for you to fuck him back in the strip club.

his lips are touching your bare stomach, and you show a hint of dominance by undoing the buttons of your pants and shoving down your panties, putting your hand on his head to guide it between your legs.

and he just lets you.

he takes your pants and underwear from your ankles and discards the pieces on the floor, hands on the back of your thighs once more as he pushes them to lean over his shoulders.

the first few seconds are spent basking in his excitement. his heart races when he looks you in the eye, and he grins to himself before diving in.

for some reason, he feels this primal urge to prove himself to you, to make you feel good like no one ever has before.

whatever the hell it is that made him have such a massive change of heart, he doesn’t know.

but he does know one thing — he worships the ground you walk on.

so to hear you gasp and whine for him when he eats you out only spurs him on to keep going, to make it dirtier and messier and keep having you moan his name.

mingyu encourages you to pull on his hair, and with each strand being pulled, he grows harder in his pants. he moans at the pain, humming against your pussy while his tongue is buried inside you.

you’re grinding against his face and he hums again, loving the feeling. “rub it in my face, baby, ‘s so good—” he babbles as his cock is rock-hard and throbbing against the fabric of his jeans, and he rubs his hard-on against the matress to get any kind of friction.

over the course of the years, even while hating him, you wondered if he was good in bed.

you didn’t think your question was going to be answered by first-hand experience.

he’s not only sickeningly good at providing pleasure — he seems to get off on it, too. your fingers clamp on his long strands of hair, thighs around his head, almost suffocating him, and even when you hit your first climax, he just keeps going. his tongue moves as if you’re not completely crumbling before him.

with a sudden sensitivity hitting you, you have to pull his face from your pussy, and he looks at you with lust-blown eyes and your wetness smeared over his lips and chin.

yeah, you fucking like him. jesus.

the little fang-shaped teeth he has show themselves when he grins at the mess he’s made of you. “want me to go again?”

“would you?”

“i’d keep going for hours if that’s what you want.”

pressing your lips together, you inhale deeply, ‘cause he looks like he means it, too. “well, as great as that sounds, i want you in me. now.”

he would’ve had a damn field trip eating you out again, but he certainly won’t complain, because he’s about to bust in his pants from just looking at you. his eyes return to your figure when you take your shirt off, dick twitching when you unclasp your lacy bra and show your completely bare body to him.

“are you just gonna keep staring?” you ask teasingly, and he needs a few seconds to get his brain running again, chuckling at your words before he removes his own clothes, pushing you back to lay you down.

“can’t help that i like what i see.”

you’re about to give him a witty retort in return when you feel the tip of his cock at the entrance of your hole, pushing forward just the slightest bit, and your lashes flutter at the sensation. he bites his lower lip at the feeling, a sudden intensity hitting the both of you.

then he pushes himself inside, inch by inch, achingly slowly. your brows scrunch together and you throw your head back, manicured nails digging into his bedsheets.

“hah—gyu—” you mumble, tension setting into your shoulderblades as he stretches you open, and you’re so tight that he feels just as suffocated as you do.

“fuck, you’re fucking tight.” he huffs out, utterly savoring your wetness wrapping around him. “can i keep going?”

at hearing the question, a breathy laugh escapes you. “how fucking big are you to have to ask that?”

“well, ‘m only halfway in right now, baby.”

fucking hell. the look on your face is borderline horrified, because jesus, you’re gonna need to adjust to him.

he lowers his chest to hover above yours, and your hands immediately move to his back, nails aching to dig into his skin. he’s only focused on your face now, and he pushes himself in all the way, watching your face contort in pain and pleasure.

your body stiffens for a second before it relaxes, and he has to hold down the urge to start moving. “that’s it. took me all the way in,” he mutters, and you nod to yourself, accidentally clamping down on him, at which he groans.

the first movements are small, slow — gentle. you release long, dragged-out moans that are the single hottest thing he’s ever heard. but he needs more, needs to get rid of the little voice in his head to fuck you hard and stupid.

he pulls out almost entirely before slamming back in, and the erotic whine you let out is just too good to his ears.

so he does it again, again, again. he fucks you to the point a different part of him takes over, ruthlessly seeking the pleasure and pain that gets him off like nothing else. he likes it fast, hard, and deep, and by the looks of it, you do too.

you’re clinging onto him with every thrust, every kiss, every moan, and he loves it.

mingyu moans, eyebrows knitted together as he’s hypnotized by the feeling of himself sheathed all the way inside you. “take it — take my fucking cock.”

“mhm. a little harder — please?” you beg, and if he wasn’t in love with you yet, he certainly is now. how on earth do you look as gorgeous as you do whilst half fucked-out, still needing more?

naturally, he gives in to you, doing whatever you ask of him. he fucks you harder, his grip on your waist tightening with each thrust.

you come to one conclusion — you don’t think anyone’s ever fucked you this good.

his mouth latches onto your tits, sucking at your nipples, and you bring his head up to kiss him again. it’s sloppy, and his movements begin to slow a little, your wetness dripping down his cock. “god, you’re fucking perfect.”

“want more, gyu. i want you to cum in me.”

“you—” he stutters out, “you want it?”

nodding at him, you even push yourself against him, his cock sinking just a little deeper into you.

so he fucks you as hard as he can until he feels himself hitting that blissful climax, continuing to roll his hips and stuff you as full of him as possible. then he sits up with a thin layer of cold sweat on his back, and he pulls himself out as slowly as he entered you, watching drops of cum seep out of your hole.

“so much for professional.” you breathe out, after which you both chuckle, and he leans in to kiss you again, and you get on top of him, taking charge, and he shivers in anticipation.

the night becomes an increasing blur with every kiss, every touch, every thrust — it’s hard to say what time it is or how many times you’ve gone at it when you finally let yourself sink into a deep sleep.

when you wake up beside him in the morning, you watch his sleeping form, your heart flutters.

it’s bizarre how he’s made you feel a kind of love you didn’t even know existed before. a feeling of great complexity and intensity that’s settled deep into your gut whenever he’s near.

as if he’s become a part of you that you can’t let go.

checking your phone, you know it’s time to get up, since you’ve got an important agenda today. yet when you try to silently slip away from his bed, you feel a warm hand on yours.

“don’t go.” he pleads, his voice lower and raspier than usual from sleeping. there’s a certain desperation in his now open eyes, and it affects you.

“i have to. appointments i can’t cancel, you know what that’s like—”

but he’s not talking about your day.

“i’m afraid of people leaving me,” he suddenly admits with a shaky tone, “and i like what we have. i like you. i guess i’m scared that… this was just a one-time thing, ‘cause it wasn’t for me. i don’t want to go back to what we were before all of this.”

processing his words, you nod, touching his cheek, reassuring him. “it wasn’t a one-time thing for me, either. you have me, i promise.”

“okay.” he gently smiles at you, his fingers caressing yours, and you lean in to press a kiss onto his lips, which he immediately reciprocates.

you give him a quick goodbye after putting your clothes on, and he’s left smiling to himself in bed while you walk out of his apartment with the same expression.

but you should know by now that all good things come to an end — one way or another.

ix. WHO ARE YOU, REALLY?

the two weeks since your first time sleeping together have been nothing but excitingly ignorant bliss. in between his meetings and family commitments and your meetings regarding your father’s business relations, you’ve been meeting eachother in the middle at every opportunity, the investigation of your father’s death fading into the background bit by bit, getting lowered on your list of priorities.

none of your friends are aware of your relationship — since it’s a secret, and neither of you have really labelled it yet — as far as you know, anyway.

being with him is comfortable to you, and surprisingly enough, he’s the first person who’s made you feel like you could breathe properly after the chaos that your father’s death caused.

“do you really have to go out at this hour?”

“yeah, unfortunately.” he presses a kiss to your lips before pulling his shirt on while you’re still naked on his bed. “i’ll be back as soon as i can, but you don’t have to wait for me, okay? it’s probably gonna take a while.”

with a sigh, you nod, pouting a little. “okay. i’ll probably go take a shower and head home after.”

he kisses the top of your head this time, and it all feels awfully domestic.

but it’s a good feeling.

mingyu takes in the sight of your bare face and body covered in nothing but his sheets, and he feels like things were meant to be like this. like you two were always indirectly tied together, and now this is your reality.

“you’re allowed to stay as long as you want. i’ll call you later, baby, yeah?” he hums against your lips, and you nod, wanting nothing more than to pull his shirt off and drag him back into bed with you.

“mhm. you should go, or you’ll be late.”

he chuckles, his mouth grazing the top of your hand before he exits the room, slinging his bag over his shoulder and leaving you alone in his apartment.

after taking a short nap, you decide to get up and take a quick shower.

this might be the first time you’re completely on your own in his place — so you feel like checking out what he’s got lying around here.

it’s not because you don’t trust him, truly. you just like to snoop around a little, out of curiosity.

you peek into his drawers, his closet, his personal things, except for what he’s got kept under lock and key.

what intrigues you are the clear scratches on the floor by the cupboard. everything in his apartment is perfectly clean and clearly well taken care of, so this makes you raise a brow.

you figure the scratches were made by moving the cupboard to the side, so you do the same thing, trying to see if there’s a particular reason for it.

it’s hard to contain a scoff once you lay your eyes on what is apparently hiding behind it.

a safe hidden behind a cupboard. seriously? did he take inspiration from your father’s office or something? this is starting to get a bit weird.

the safe seems to require a code with six digits to be unlocked, and since the system and mechanics seem on the older side, you doubt it would send off any signals if someone tried out a wrong code.

biting your lip, you give in to your curiosity, and try out a few codes.

a popular choice for codes are always birthdays, often loved ones, and since mingyu is a complete softie in that regard, you figure it might be worth trying out.

you remember his father’s birthday from the tombstone at the graveyard where your father was buried as well. his mother celebrated her birthday last week, so that’s easy.

unfortunately, neither of the codes work.

fuck, what was his sister’s birthday again? you don’t remember. then an idea pops up in your head – she probably made a birthday post on social media at some point. you search the username and scan her profile, and within a minute, you’ve found it.

with your phone in hand, eyes going from the screen to the rotating dials, you enter the code, and the sound of a clicking lock causes your heartbeat to quicken.

it worked.

throwing your phone onto the bed, you open the safe, several items catching your eye.

there’s quite some things in there considering it’s such a small space. some stacks of money, a few vials with clear liquids in them, a gun, a passport with his photo but a different name — what the fuck is this? his backup plan to start a new life in case he needs it? that’s close to paranoid, especially for a guy who seemingly has no enemies.

behind the piles of dollar bills, you find a few old-fashioned cassette recorders stacked up, each of them numbered from one to ten.

as your curiosity gets the better of you once more, you take the recorders out of the safe and put them on the floor, where you sit down to listen to whatever’s on them.

you click the button at the back of the device, noise beginning to crack through the small speaker.

“i know recording myself confessing to something as grave as this could be my downfall, but… it’s something i need to get off my chest. i need to.” your hear him inhale sharply. “i’m setting a plan in motion that will lead to someone’s death. it’s not something i’m proud of, but he’s threatening my family. i don’t know what else to do.”

your eyes widen as you listen to the rest of the tape. he’s talking about killing your father, using a poison to take him out. once it’s finished, you look for the second tape with shaky fingers.

“getting it done shouldn’t be hard. the real issue is having an alibi, and if necessary, i need someone to put the blame on. the death of someone as important as him will draw attention, so should they assume he didn’t die of natural causes, they’re gonna want to convict someone. i can only think of one person who fits the criteria — his daughter.”

it’s like the confirmation you’ve been waiting for. this is what he’s been hiding all this time. of course he didn’t want to help you without an ulterior motive.

your heart breaks the moment he says it. just how much of a fool have you been?

“we’ve always hated eachother. looking back, i’m not sure how it started, but it did. she’s the only one who could have a solid motive. i don’t want to frame her, or anyone for that matter, but if the police decide it’s not an accident, i’ll have no other choice. maybe her lawyer can find a way around it.”

tape three.

“the plan is to pretend i have a lead on the killer when i’m actually planting fake evidence to make her seem like the culprit. i talked to her in the graveyard today, but she completely lashed out at me. it’s hard to tell who she hates more — me, her father, or herself. though i didn't know her hatred for me ran this deep, nor that she was this lonely. i kind of feel for her.”

tape four.

“she just agreed to be my date to the gala next week, though she's certainly not thrilled about it. understandably so, i guess. she's quite intimidating when she’s mad. maybe i should take notes, seeing how she always stands so firmly on business.”

tape five.

“i didn’t think she’d go as far as to go through my room. she’s more determined than i gave her credit for. god, i could barely keep it together when she said whoever killed her father did her a favor. it’s maybe the only good thing about this whole mess. i wanted to scream, tell her that it was me who did her that favor.”

tape six.

“leave it to her to interrupt a stripper’s lap dance and take me with her instead. the man taking money out of her father’s account was hired by me — i needed to subtly prove to her that it couldn’t have been me, ‘cause i was at the other side of the city when it happened. i was curious to see if she’d take the bait, and she did. she mentioned something about wanting someone who would let her be… uninhibited. it scared and surprised me; mostly because i want the exact same.”

tape seven.

“we broke into her father’s office together. it was… thrilling. exciting. she keeps surprising me with how daring she is. somewhere underneath that hard surface hides someone who’s aching for adventure, i think. maybe we’re more similar than i thought. and she’s so clever, i just—i like her. like, platonically, of course. we work well together. i should probably be more careful, try not to get too close. who knows what that might lead to.”

tape eight.

“i kissed her. i fucking kissed her. well, she kissed me first, but… i kept it going. not just a little peck, no, a full-on makeout session. it was… the type of kiss they talk about in the romance novels. i’ve never felt that big of a need to kiss someone before. and she’s so gorgeous, too. i wonder if she’s thinking about it as much as i am right now.”

tape nine.

“wonwoo says i have feelings for her, in a way. i… i feel like there’s no going back if i acknowledge it. but there's something about her, it's like... i'm not sure. like she and i are on the same wavelength. we’re so different yet so similar.”

tape ten.

“the police are tightening their grip. they wanna name the culprit, and fast. i’ve thought of turning myself in, but i’ll ruin the family name if i do that. my mom and sister will be cast out if that happens. and then there’s… her. god, she’s become so special to me. i can’t go through with it — i can’t. the idea of losing her makes me feel suffocated. fuck, i don’t know what to do.”

and just like that, you close your eyes for a moment.

everything falls into place.

putting the final tape to the side, your cheeks are wet from the tears that have been silently rolling down your cheeks ever since you hit the first play button.

he doesn’t really like you — of course he doesn’t. he’s just using you for his own gain, to cover up his crime.

it’s then that the heavy sobs come out. you utterly fall apart, feeling weak and manipulated and alone.

terrifyingly alone, more than ever before.

but you force yourself to stop crying by telling yourself that you won’t allow him to use you anymore. you need to be steps ahead of him now that he’s not aware of you knowing this information, so you wipe your tears away and play all the tapes again, but this time with your phone making recordings of each one of them.

overcome by your emotions, you feel ready to throw up.

whatever you’re about to do, it’ll probably come back to bite you in the ass later, but you don’t care. not anymore. everything’s already gone to hell anyways.

when mingyu arrives at his apartment a few hours later, it’s empty. he frowns when noticing that your clothes and things you had lying around are all gone, but shrugs it off, believing you probably had a good reason for taking them back home.

but when he calls you the next day, you don’t pick up. you don’t answer any of his texts. your staff by the gate tells him that no visitors are allowed into the driveway, meaning he can’t even get to your front door anymore.

something’s happened. he just doesn’t know what.

long after he’s had his dinner, the rain comes pouring down from the dark clouds in the sky, thunder rumbling in the distance as you make your way to the front door of mingyu’s apartment.

he instantly notices something is very wrong once he lays eyes on you. you look like you’ve just gone through hell and back.

you let yourself in before he can say anything, so he closes the door behind you, confusion painted across his face. “i’ve been calling you — what’s going on? did something happen?”

oh, the question immediately pisses you off even more than you already are. this is about to be fun. “well, you’d know.” you grumble.

“know what?”

“that you killed my fucking father.”

the words strike like lightning. you finding out about the truth certainly wasn’t part of the plan, and since you seem so convinced, he doesn’t have much faith in trying to convince you of his innocence.

when his surprised expression fades, you finally see the truth written all over his face. his jaw is clenched tight, lips pressed together into a thin line, and he suddenly looks very guilty. “how… how did you find out?”

“the tapes. who the fuck records their own confession to murder? were you trying to get me to find out?” you rhetorically ask, eyes blazing fire.

mingyu huffs to himself. he knew he shouldn’t have kept those tapes — fuck.

“look, i—” he swallows, attempting to mend the situation, but you don’t let him speak.

“no. you’re going to tell me exactly what you did and why you did it. you owe me that much.”

he flinches, closing his eyes for a moment, lowering his head, his way of showing he accepts his defeat. “your dad… i always thought he wanted me around because he liked me, but after all those years, that turned out to be a lie. i found out he was blackmailing my mom with evidence of my father’s wrongdoings before his passing — fraud, embezzlement, all of that. we’re talking millions of dollars here. the damage it would’ve done to my family if that ever came out… it’s something i had to prevent. hell, i wouldn’t be surprised if he was the one behind my dad’s car accident. so i did what i thought was necessary.”

you can only scoff. “of course. how noble of you.”

“i’m sorry.” he tells you, but it’s a lie. your father was a despicable man, loved by no one. not really, anyway.

“if you’re going to lie to me, at least do it well.” you scold him, turning away from him for a moment, looking at the rain outside through the large windows of his apartment. “how did you kill him? i wanna hear you say it.”

“can’t we talk about—”

interrupting him, you turn around, the pistol from his safe in your hand, and it’s pointed at him. he anxiously awaits your next move.

“don’t make me ask again. i don’t particularly feel like repeating myself.”

he shudders at the view of the gun pointed at him, but does what you tell him to. “i poisoned him. he had no idea, didn’t suspect me at all. i told him to go home, so he’d die there.”

“where i would be, too. perfect plan, huh?”

“the plan was to make it look like a death from natural causes. the poison would be out of his system by the time the authorities were to perform the autopsy on his body — but then they found him dangling from the ceiling instead. that wasn’t my doing, so i figured the poison got to him to the point he wanted a quicker way out. you were there, with a reasonable motive. i panicked and made a choice.”

inhaling sharply, your eye twitches. “you chose to frame me.”

“i was going to.”

“oh, give me a break. don’t start acting like you care about me, now.”

“except i do. it was different in the beginning — but then i just—i didn’t remember why i hated you. i couldn’t even fathom a possible reason to. i started liking being around you, and you felt it too. i know you did, you said it yourself.” he pleads, getting closer to you, not giving a damn that the barrel of the gun is touching his chest at this point.

a tear escapes your eye, but your anger is still there. “you know what the thing is, mingyu? i don’t even care that you killed him. hell, if you had come to me after our interrogations and confessed that it was you, i would’ve thanked you. what i care about is that you took advantage of me when i was vulnerable, and that you made me feel like i mattered to you when you were all just doing it for your own gain.”

it’s like you’ve ripped his heart out of his chest. he wishes he could make you understand that you’ve made him feel more alive than anyone he’s ever met, that you’ve grown to mean so much to him in a ridiculously short span of time. that he’d go to hell and back to protect you now.

“you matter to me. more than anyone else.”

all you can do is let out a sarcastic fit of laughter; you don’t trust a single word that comes out of his mouth. “i need you to tell me something. did you sleep with me because you actually wanted to or because you felt like you had to in order to manipulate me to get closer to you?”

he seems appalled at what you’re implying. “of course i wanted to. all i ended up wanting was you—”

“don’t you fucking lie to me!” you burst out angrily, at which he flinches, but his frustration brings him to confess his true feelings.

“it’s not a lie, because i’m in love with you!” he raises his voice in desperation, “i don’t care if you shoot me right here, right now. it won’t change how i feel about you.”

your heart shatters even more, because he sounds so genuine, yet it doesn’t make you feel the way it should.

the words should probably bring some kind of twisted comfort, but they feel like a gut punch instead. you grab your chest to stop yourself from hyperventilating. “at least i was right at the beginning. the golden boy is a fucking murderer. you’ve played your part well, i gotta admit.”

he watches you breathily laugh and cry at him, and all he can do is stare back at you with teary eyes and a guilty face.

“please don’t say that.”

“why? does it hurt, hearing the truth?”

“i swear to you—”

you shut him up by pushing him backwards with the pistol against his chest. “you know, when you bothered me after the funeral, when i had my breakdown, i wanted nothing more than to cave in your skull with a rock. looking back, i should’ve just done it. would’ve spared me this whole mess.”

surprisingly enough, you simply put the pistol back in your jacket pocket, but mingyu is just as if not more afraid of you. your gaze is the harshest, coldest, meanest he’s ever seen it. all you do is look at him and he crumbles.

and yet he still wants you. he knows you hate him to the bone, you detest every part of him, and he still. wants. you.

and he intends to show you that, because he’s willing to throw every last shred of pride and dignity he has let out the window if it means you’ll show him you want him even the smallest bit. “i’ll prove it to you. if you ask me to turn myself in, i’ll turn myself in. i’ll do it, for you.”

god, he seems so genuine in it, too.

your breaths are ragged, and you feel like you need to get literally anywhere else, out of the suffocation that is this room with him in it. you barely even noticed he’d taken a hold of your hand until now.

“i can’t do this. just—just let me leave.”

he does.

the moment the door slams shut behind you, he has to grab the nearest object to hold himself up, leaving him wondering what the hell just happened.

x. WHEN IS A MONSTER NOT A MONSTER?

the following days are spent anxiously pacing in his apartment. what is he supposed to do? what should he say to you? what should he tell the press, that he’s innocent? guilty? what should he tell his family? that he killed a man to protect them and their reputation? would they even look him in the eye if he confessed?

he waits and waits and waits for his arrest to come, for the police to barge into his home and take him away to a cold, dark prison cell — yet the day never comes.

personally, he wonders if you’re waiting it out to make you feel as shitty as you’ve probably been feeling since the day you discovered his true colors.

nearly a week after the fight between you, he decides he can’t take it anymore. he needs to see you.

you doubt you’ve ever felt as miserable as you’ve felt these past days. it’s like you’re torn between hating mingyu for taking advantage of you and hating yourself for being stupid enough to fall for it. to fall for him.

because no matter how much you want to deny it, you did.

something you desperately needed was a distraction, which is why you ended up accepting wonwoo’s invitation to the event his father is hosting tonight at his estate just outside the city. with your little black dress on and hair perfectly styled, you down a glass of champagne next to wonwoo, who looks a bit concerned. “everything okay?”

the noise of chatter and soft music in the background only overwhelms you more. “yeah. i just… haven’t had alcohol in a while.” you mutter a bullshit excuse, not really caring whether you sound believable or not.

“i get it if you don’t feel like being here right now, with everything that happened recently. i can take you home if you want.”

“and miss out on your father’s celebration?”

“there will always be another one.” wonwoo shrugs, looking at you like nothing else in the room matters. he has a little smile playing on his lips that’s far too gentle — you almost feel undeserving of a gaze that loving.

but you don’t hold eye contact with him for long, because the source of all your current problems suddenly walks into the room — and he looks good. criminally good.

the red suit with its low neckline draws even more attention to him than usual, along with several expensive pieces of jewelry adorning his wrists and fingers.

“he’s here? that’s strange. he said he wasn’t coming.” wonwoo mumbles, and you do your best to keep your composure and hide the sudden anxiety that blooms in your chest.

“shame. the party was just getting good.” you scoff to yourself, replacing your empty champagne glass with a full one.

it’s then that mingyu’s eyes find yours, and even while politely saying hello to the elders greeting him, he keeps sneaking a peek your way, as if to try to get away from the people surrounding him to get to you.

oh, fuck no. you’re not in the mood to talk to him right now.

“i’m just gonna go and use the restroom, okay? i’ll be right back.” you say to wonwoo, hoping to find yourself a spot in the shadows where you can properly get some air.

you hardly catch his response as your legs are already moving on their own, as far away from the man in red as possible.

passing through a quiet hallway, you find yourself finally alone at the bottom of a staircase, and with no one else around, you sit down on the first few steps, a sigh escaping your mouth.

“did my appearance surprise you?”

as you recognize his voice, your blood runs cold.

looking behind you, he’s standing at the top of the stairs, his hands in his pockets. he appears surprisingly relaxed, even if his fingers slightly tremble against the fabric of his trousers.

“you have some nerve showing up here.”

mingyu purses his lips. “why don’t you come up a couple steps?”

when you finally meet his gaze, his heart skips a beat. your brows are knitted together. “why would i do that?”

“because we’d be on the same level. equals.”

“is that what you want?”

“i think you already know the answer to that.”

biting your lip to yourself, you get up on your feet, heels clicking on the creaking wood with each step. once at his level, you look at him with hostility – he only shows intrigue.

“why haven’t you given me up yet? it’s been a week.”

“i have my reasons.” you shrug, the anger remaining in your features. “what? scared i’ll ruin your reputation?”

his tone suddenly changes into something more desperate, emotional. “i just want to know what you’re gonna do. if you wanna turn me over to the police, fine. but do something, please—”

“you’re not in a position to be making demands.”

“i’m not demanding, i’m asking.”

“go fuck yourself, mingyu.” you snap at him, looking around you before lowering your voice. “what did you think was going to happen when you came here tonight? that i would just let you in on everything? the last thing i owe you is an explanation.”

as the tension continues to rise between you, the argument causes you to step closer to eachother.

his chest heaves out of frustration, because you make a more than valid point, but he still has his own interests at heart. “i know that.”

“so then why show up tonight? don’t bullshit me, i know you’re not here for wonwoo.”

“are you? what are you doing here?”

“what the hell is your problem?” scoffing at him, you intend to push him by his chest, but he grabs your wrists instead.

“you are my problem.” he breathes out angrily as if he were confessing his sins, his hands remaining on your skin. “everything fell apart because of you.”

“if you’re actually trying to pin this on me, i’ll hit you in your fucking jaw until it bleeds.”

he only pulls you closer. “and i’d let you. do you still not get it?”

his grip on your wrists falters, and he softly rubs over your skin with his finger, and you hate your body for reacting to it.

christ, you think to yourself, has he been standing this close to you this whole time?

the smell of his perfume plagues your senses, and a feeling you can’t quite place washes over you when you catch him looking at your lips, and you realize his one hand is slowly gliding past your waist.

are you really going to let yourself fall into his trap again?

“everything okay?”

the words aren’t uttered by you nor mingyu — wonwoo peers up at you from your former spot at the bottom of the stairs.

of course he’s been sensing that there was something going on between you the moment you showed up at the strip club, but this clearly confuses him, since you’re still supposed to hate one another.

fuck. how much of the conversation did he hear?

mingyu hesitantly releases his hands from your body, and you take a step backwards, both of you focusing on wonwoo. “yeah, i’m fine.”

as if to make the situation even worse, the fucking inspector that’s leading the investigation appears behind wonwoo, curiously looking at his two main suspects standing side by side.

the situation feels suffocating. wonwoo points at the older man, “he was looking for you. that’s why i came to see if you were here — i didn’t know you were, um — occupied.”

“i’m not occupied.” with the way you completely disregard mingyu’s existence, it’s almost as if he weren’t even here. you make your way down the steps, smoothening over the fabric of your dress and taking a deep breath to get a hold of yourself again.

the inspector glances at mingyu one last time before asking you if he can talk to you privately, which you agree to.

mere minutes later, you’re standing in a secluded room, far away from the rest of the crowd, arms crossed over your chest, a dim light flickering on the ceiling above you.

“i wanted to talk about the investigation.”

“talking to me off-record again? this isn’t a good look on you.” you sneer at the man, who puts up his hands before his chest.

“i know. but it’s for a good reason.” he defends himself, at which you frown. “i have a proposition for you.”

“which is?”

“i need your help catching the person who killed your father.”

pursing your lips together, you let out a bitter chuckle. “like i would know anything—”

“you were just speaking to him, actually.”

the weight of his words makes your eyes widen. this is the first time he’s expressing who he believes is the culprit, after all these weeks.

your breath hitches in your throat. “you think mingyu is guilty.”

the inspector nods at the conclusion you’ve drawn. “he’s smart, i’ll give him that. but not invincible.”

“what will you do? do you have evidence against him?”

“i have enough that makes me sure that it was him, but not enough to defeat him in court. he’s rich and uses that to his advantage.” he explains, sounding almost hopeful. “so that’s where you come in.”

“me?”

“what i need is evidence that even he can’t work around, no matter how many people in the system he chooses to bribe. you told me the nature of your relationship was sexual — i don’t need to know if that’s true or not. but i’ve noticed he seems fond of you these days. you can use that to get him caught. we can’t let him get away with it.”

his voice rings through your ears, sounding like a convincing whisper. biting down on your tongue, you clench your fists, the predicament you currently find yourself in making you wish the ground would just swallow you whole.

you subtly glance down at your phone for a moment.

the evidence is right there, on the phone in your hand. you’ve recorded all the tapes with your phone — the confession, murder weapon — it’s all the evidence needed. you could give it right now and everything would be over.

yet not a single word comes out of your mouth.

the inspector sighs, offering you a final sentiment. “be careful with him. people can be deceiving.”

and with that, he exits the room, leaving you alone with the voice in your head.

your next moves are crucial. you know what you’re about to do is risky, but it’ll be worth it. it has to be worth it.

once you’ve left the inside of the estate through the backdoor, the event continues for the evening while you ponder over the choice you’re about to make in the backseat of the cab.

shrugging off your coat as you enter your home, you still in your movements when your eyes find the stairs — the spot where the police had to cut down your father’s cold, dead body.

with your gaze remaining on the former crime scene, you press on mingyu’s number to call it.

he picks up faster than lightning, but you don’t allow him to speak.

“meet me in the city tomorrow. 10:30, outside your mother’s firm. don’t be late.”

you hang up right after.

fuck, you should really sell this place. the fact that your father’s wandered around here is more than enough reason.

that he died here as well isn’t great either, but that’s really a minor detail.

with your arms crossed, you scoff, a half-smile that’s almost smug sitting on your face. “if only your death had welcomed us sooner.”

the next morning, you lean your head against the wall of the building you’re meeting at, a cold wind blowing through your hair as you’re sunken deeply into thought.

it’s comfortably quiet, honestly. you’re fond of this type of weather, the white, grey-ish sky, the breeze in the air, some rain on occasion.

you glance at the watch on your wrist — why the fuck is mingyu still not here? what possible reason could he have to be late when this is what he was practically begging for?

just as you’re about to grab your phone from your pocket to call him, someone pulls you by your arm and drags you into the alley beside the building.

“what the fuck!?” you huff out, and then you finally get a good look at the person who grabbed you.

of course it’s him.

“i’m sorry.” mingyu breathes out, his usually neatly styled hair now messy, several strands hanging loose in front of his forehead, the stress visible in his features.

to be together like this feels messy yet weirdly intimate. a few strands of your hair are caught between your lips, and you feel his breath on your face, his hands on your body, even your hands find their way back to him.

as if it’s natural.

“what the hell are you thinking?!” you hiss at him, pushing his hands off you, backing yourself as far up against the wall as possible.

“someone was following me, i was — i thought you’d lured me here to turn me in.”

“you—” is all you can push out of your throat before a sigh leaves you. of course he’d think that. god, what a mess.

burying your face in your hands, it feels like you’re both on the verge of a complete breakdown. both lost, not sure where to go, not sure what’ll happen next.

you thought you’d found a sense of direction in eachother, but that fell apart like a house of cards hit by the wind.

naturally, it begins to rain right when you’re talking to him outside. sighing to yourself, you gesture for him to come with you to your car in the half-empty parking lot, which he wordlessly agrees with.

it’s pouring by the time you’re both seated, the heavy rain rolling down the glass windows of the car.

it’s completely silent between you as you sit beside one another, staring dead ahead at the street.

your voice is hoarse when you tell him your verdict on the matter.

“we’re gonna cover it up.”

mingyu turns his head to look at you in disbelief, but you don’t move a muscle. “… what?”

“i believe i’ve told you i don’t like to repeat myself.”

“no one in their right mind would do that. no one would help me cover it up.” he exhales, eyes moving rapidly as he tries to process what you’re proposing to him.

“no one in their right mind would commit murder, either, but that certainly didn’t stop you.”

well, you have a point there.

“just tell me one thing,” mingyu asks, hoping you’ll look at him, “why? why do this for me?”

he could cry the moment you do meet his eyes. it’s like he sees a different version of himself staring back at him. “because you did the right thing. i would’ve done the same. well, except for your little affair with me.”

with his heart beating against his chest, he gently touches your hand. “everything i told you was true. it may not have been real in the beginning, and i’m sorry for pretending back then, but it’s real now. i swear that to you.”

you bite your lip. “give me one good reason why i should believe you.”

mingyu can taste his tears at this point. he needs you to believe him, he needs you — and that is terrifying but addictive. “the tapes. you can have them if you want.”

“i don’t need them. they hold no value to me.” you already made copies of them anyway.

“then what can i give you to prove myself?”

“nothing.” you immediately cut him off, eyes blazing fire, but even mingyu can see you do share that sadness that he does, mourning the loss of your connection. “from now on, we avoid contact over the phone as much as possible. you’ll destroy the tapes, the poison — get rid of all of it. we’ll work together until we’ve covered it up, and after that, it’ll be like whatever we had never existed. we’ll be nothing more than strangers to one another.”

“how on earth would we go back to strangers after what we did?”

“by never talking to eachother again.” you respond, swallowing the rising lump in your throat, fingers twitching from feeling suffocated. “get out. you can come over to my place tomorrow, and we’ll… figure out how to handle everything.”

mingyu looks at you, and he knows you won’t let him in again, certainly not now. so he nods.

he thinks of what to say, yet nothing comes out.

so he leaves you in your car without saying another word, walking away with nothing but his mistakes on his mind.

xi. I HATE YOU LIKE MY OWN REFLECTION

“so, what do we do now?”

“our best shot is to try to frame someone else, then take them out of prison after the conviction and pay ‘em good money for it.”

mingyu cocks a brow at your choice. “so you wanna go and do the exact same thing i wanted to do?”

you can’t help but glare at him. “yes, just without the manipulation. don’t think for a second i’ve forgiven you, or that i will in the nearby future, because i can assure you that won’t happen.”

well, so much for trying to get into your good graces again. “noted. so, how do we, um… find a suitable victim? someone who won’t rat us out.”

“my contact in the police force has sent me a list of all the other suspects. we pick someone, threaten to kill them if they don’t cooperate. easy.”

mingyu finds your lack of filter both intriguing and scary, like a switch was flipped and you’re suddenly ready to undertake even more violent measures than him. but then again, he was hiding quite some things too. “okay.”

it’s two days later when you’re holding a now former member of the housekeeping hostage in your spacious private parking garage.

“you can’t make me do this! this is insane!” he cries out, and you roll your eyes, holding the gun in your hand as easily as you’d carry a bottle of water.

you simply shrug. “it’s not impossible.”

“i’ll lose everything!”

“probably. but you’ll also gain a lot of money, enough to get you a comfortable life elsewhere in the world.”

“no, no, i’m not doing this. you can’t make me!”

mingyu looks to you for permission, you grant it with a nod, and he takes your gun to hit the guy in the face with it. you sink down to bend your knees, lowering to your victim’s level.

“i don’t think you get it. either you agree to do this, or you’re not making it out of these walls alive. trust me, if i have to shoot you, i will.” you sternly tell him, attitude changing from casual to threatening.

your partner in crime, who’s still holding the gun, is beyond impressed. he briefly thinks it over — has this part of you always been hiding underneath the surface?

“or maybe it’s your family i should start with? i’ll pick it apart, one by one.” you suggest, feigning innocence in your voice.

it’s then that the man is finally forced to accept your offer, after which you smile triumphantly and tell him he can go home like nothing happened. mingyu watches the change in your behavior, leaving him wondering how the hell you’re the same person he’s come to know over the past months.

but it hardly changes his now deeply-rooted affection for you.

a few days later, you’ve successfully orchestrated your plan and set it in motion, with the man from housekeeping supposedly coming forward with his confession tomorrow.

it’s late at night when mingyu’s still over at your house, and he asks if he can open the bottle of vodka standing on the counter.

“sure. whatever.” you mutter, the stand-offish demeanor you used to hold up around him before getting to know him having returned.

he doesn’t like it. no, scratch that — he can’t stand it.

so he pours you both a shot. “i’ve been thinking about something.”

“well, that must’ve been exhausting for you.”

hilarious. really. he chooses to ignore your sarcasm for now. “in the car, you said i did the right thing. that you would’ve done the same.”

“and?”

“do you really not… hate me for killing him? at all?”

“no.”

“you hate me for… lying to you about it.”

“no.”

his brows knit together. “so…”

“again, don’t take this as a compliment, but i really thought you were smarter than this.”

“i’m just… confused on your stance on the whole thing. that’s all.”

taking a breath, a bitter chuckle leaves your mouth. “i hate it when people make fun of me, like — that’s the worst thing you could do to me. and you tried to get to know me, work with me, pretended to care for me, all while secretly knowing that it wasn’t genuine and you were going to put me in prison. and after i found out, it felt like you were just ridiculing me, for… i don’t know. giving in to you so easily. for being desperate to have at least one person actually care about me the way i thought you did.”

he processes your words with the heavy burden of guilt weighing on his shoulders, while you take another shot of alcohol.

well, he fucked up. miserably.

“when i created the plan to frame you, i… almost held a grudge towards you, like you did to me, for a reason i couldn’t even think of. i was going to be putting someone i hated in prison. a sacrifice i was willing to make for the people i loved. but you completely blew me away. as time progressed, i… couldn’t fathom i used to hate you, or even disliked you. even if you don’t accept my apology, i need you to know that i never… never made fun of you. and i’m sorry for hurting you in the way that i did.”

his heartfelt sentiment gets to you, and you hate it.

“even if i did accept your apology, what then? we’ll just move on with our lives as if this whole thing never happened either way.”

now that you’ve unintentionally given him a sense of hope, he downs another shot of vodka to give himself courage. “it doesn’t have to be like that.”

“what?”

“i still want you.” he breathes out, mentally saying fuck it and deciding to finally be completely honest with you.

the words seem to have caught you off-guard, after which you scoff at him once you realize what he’s saying. “you’re not serious.”

“i am,” he replies without hesitation, following you in your tracks when you stand up, “and you know what i think? you still like me, too.”

“no i don’t.”

now that you’ve turned around to him, you realize how stupid of a move it was to do so. with every step he takes forward, you go back, but there’s only so much room before you hit the wall. “you’re not being very convincing.”

“gyu—”

“i like it when you call me that.”

at a loss for words, you look behind you to find you’re nearly out of space. “i don’t like you.”

“and here i thought we were both being honest with eachother.”

god, all he does is look at you and you feel willing to let him touch you again. he made you feel so good — you liked him so much.

mingyu feels it. he sees you fighting with yourself in your head, so he figures all you need is just a little push to get you back where he had you, to be able to kiss you and hold you and call you his.

with his left hand, he tucks a strand of hair behind your ear, and within a second, he’s pushed his mouth against yours.

fuck, it’s been only two long weeks since he last kissed you, but it felt like forever. this feeling, his touch — you doubt you’d ever be able to feel that with anyone else.

but something in you is still fighting back.

you muster the will to push mingyu away, and he licks his lips from the gloss on yours. both of you panting heavily, you shake your head. “no. we’re not doing this.”

“what? something we both want?” he breathes out, chest heaving up and down.

“something we shouldn’t.”

“why not?”

“because i’d never forgive myself for giving in to the guy who was gonna frame me for murder.”

he merely shrugs, downplaying the situation for his selfish interests. “we hated each other back then. you’d have done it too, you said it yourself.”

his words are true — but it still hurts.

“you’re a liar.” you say to him, and he knows you’re only saying it for one reason — to convince yourself to not give in to what you really want.

“yeah. and so are you.”

that is what momentarily causes your brain to shut down. “what?”

his hand cups your jaw. you can feel his breath on your bare skin, his gaze on your body, shamelessly checking you out before he meets your eyes again. “what we had was real. you make everyone else in my life seem like… nothing.”

“oh, so i’m special, huh? or are you just trying to get back into my good graces so i don’t rat you out?”

his eyes keep lingering on the skin of your cheeks, your neck, exposed collarbones, and he doesn’t even look you in the eye while answering. “you can do whatever you want. i’ll still want you once i’ve gotten out of prison.”

god. he’s really that into you?

“gyu…” you mutter, almost pouting, and he holds your face, nodding as if he understands.

“i know, i know—” his breathing is unsteady as he confesses every dirty little sin on his conscience, “i like being a little selfish, y’know? even when one of my friends mentioned something about liking you, i didn’t tell you, ‘cause i wanted you.”

you’ve got a feeling who he’s talking about. “so what’d you say to him?”

“i said you had something going on with someone else, which wasn’t exactly a lie, since you were on top of me that same night.” he barely allows himself to finish the sentence before kissing you again, putting all his vigor into it, and you decide to indulge both him and yourself this once.

he pushes you up against the wall, and you shove him away again, holding onto the cupboard beside you when you both catch your breath.

“what if i like him better than you?”

“you wouldn’t.”

“why? ‘cause you’re so likeable?”

“because he’d never accept you for who you really are, and you’d find him boring,” he tells you as a possessive streak overcomes him, “just like no other girl would ever want me and i only want you.”

“so i should let you have me because no one else will. what a compelling argument.”

“no. because you want me.” fucking hell, he’s pretty sure his sex drive has never been this high before. “so have me, baby. please — i’m all yours.” he rasps, pressing a kiss so chaste to your lips, they barely touch. his hands burn on your skin.

“maybe i will.” you mumble, which elicits the smallest smirk from him.

he rubs up against you. “you make me insane.”

“pretty sure you already were.” is the last thing you say before kissing him, finally giving in to the feelings you still hold for him.

the sudden motion takes him by surprise, but he regains his composure to kiss you back within seconds. you make him feel so sickeningly good, he practically worships the ground you walk on.

mingyu is always tactile, be it with his friends, family, or in this case — you. his hands are practically glued to your body, pulling you as close to him as possible.

and normally he likes to take his time when it comes to sex. but he’s just so hot right now that he needs some kind of friction, some kind of release. so he lifts you up to take you to your bedroom, where he wastes no time to plunge his fingers into you.

“fuck—gyu—”

this is all he wants. to hear you moan his name like that and watch you writhe underneath him while his cock throbs as he rubs it against the bed.

“you look so pretty like this.” he grins, curling his fingers to watch you squirm and feel you clench around him.

jesus, his pace is high. higher than any other time he’s done this before. the pressure in your stomach builds so fast that you’re almost overwhelmed by the feeling, at which you instinctively reach down to hold his wrist, but to no avail, because he keeps going.

“say you like me back and i’ll make you cum.”

even through the pleasure he’s giving you, you manage to pull your mean attitude back up. “are you that desperate?”

not only does he seem completely unaffected by the snark in your voice — he might even like it.

“so what if i am?” he shrugs, his fingers moving in and out of you while he kisses and sucks on the skin of your neck.

when he moves onto your jaw, he suddenly hits the right spot inside you, and your eyes roll back, a dragged-out moan escaping you.

“bet that feels good, hm?” he whispers, his fangs showing when he smiles slyly, “c’mon — say it. i’ll make you feel so good, baby.”

right after the words come out of his mouth, he threatens to take his fingers out, and you grab his wrist once more, this time to keep him as close as possible.

“fine — i like you.”

like a war general who just won his greatest battle, he’s beaming at your confession. “good. put your legs over my shoulders.”

well, he certainly is determined. he’s back in his previous position in no-time, now with your legs up, and you try to not clench your thighs around his head too much as his digits piston in and out of your hole.

your orgasm hits you within what feels like a minute, and mingyu keeps going even when your legs are shaking and trembling on his shoulders.

the drag of his cock inside you is heavenly. he’s a big man, and you always need to adjust yourself to him, but fuck is it good.

you always like the slower strokes best, he’s learned. slow and deep, to make you feel every inch of him, and he can bury himself in you to the hilt every single time.

“god, you’re always so tight.” he has to suck through gritted teeth to not completely lose it, ‘cause you’re clenching down on him so much that it almost hurts.

“that’s ‘cause you don’t fuck me enough.”

“we should fix that, then.” he responds, sliding his cock in and out of the pooling wetness between your legs, and as the minutes go by, you continue to find yourself in his arms, your body plastered on his.

it’s the ringing of your phone from the nightstand that pulls you out of the erotic haze.

mingyu turns his head to the side, the dark strands of hair hanging beside his head as he’s still hovering above you.

his chest still heaves when he picks up the device to show you the caller id. “you never did tell me what he wanted to talk to you about.”

all you can do is chuckle — a sound that comes across as if you know more than he does. “he’s onto you. thinks you’re guilty. not far from the truth, is he?”

throwing your phone to the other side of the bed, he pushes himself a little deeper into you, loving the way you have to bite your lip to suppress a whimper. “and he wanted you to give him evidence, i bet.”

“he did.”

“did you?”

“since you still have the freedom to fuck me — take a wild guess.”

this time it’s him who lets out an arrogant laugh. “i knew you liked me too much.”

“i could still do it, y’know.”

“oh, i know you could.” he bites his lower lip before kissing you so vigorously again — as if you’re the air he breathes.

xii. ROUGH HEWN BY UNFORTUNATE EVENTS, AND GIVEN BREATH BY NECESSITY

with the noise of the fireplace crackling, you stand by the window of your mansion’s spacious living room, staring outside as you’re anxiously rubbing your fingers over your collarbone.

the man you and mingyu forced to act like he was guilty of murdering your father has supposedly confessed yesterday morning, and yet you’ve still heard nothing. which is strange.

extremely strange.

“they could still be interrogating him.” mingyu tries to ease both your and his own nerves, but you shake your head, your back still facing him.

“something’s wrong. if it were convincing enough, i would’ve heard something. fuck.”

he gets up from the soft couch to wrap his arms around you from behind. “we just gotta be a little more patient. the guy knows what’s at stake should he mess it up.”

letting out a sigh, you nod. “yeah, i guess you’re right.”

just when he’s pressed a kiss on the top of your head, the doorbell rings — whoever that may be.

mingyu remains in his spot by the window while you go ahead to check who’s visiting you. your breath is almost stolen completely from you once you see who it is.

“coming to visit me at this hour?”

the inspector gives you a fake smile in return. “it’s important.”

so you let him in, keeping up the nonchalance in your attitude. mingyu raises a brow at the older man walking into the room, and he crosses his arms over his chest.

“i had someone coming into the station yesterday — one of your father’s former staff. he confessed to the murder.” the inspector begins. “unfortunately for him, i said i’d already figured out who the culprit was, and so i sent him back home.”

“someone confessed and you didn’t think about telling us?” mingyu questions angrily, and you really have to force yourself not to show how impressed you are with his acting skills.

the other man in the room is less impressed. “why would i tell you something you’re already aware of? you orchestrated it.”

oh, shit.

as your eyes widen, it’s quiet for a moment.

“i really hope you have actual proof to back this accusation.” mingyu sneers, clearly hostile towards the man while you silently take a few steps back, slowly hiding yourself more in the shadows by the walls.

“traces of poison were found in the reports of the autopsy. it was disregarded at first because of the small amount, but i eventually began to consider it evidence when i discovered you recently purchased that exact formula from a dealer who’s been on our radar for a while.”

the hairs on your neck suddenly stand upright. is this it? is the person you’ve grown so attached to actually going to get arrested?

“thing is, if i were to arrest you, you’d probably be let go. i know you both have contacts in the police force as well as the justice system, i almost caught someone messing with the autopsy results — but despite that, i know the truth.” the man nods to himself. “and that is, mr. kim, that the only charge against you is attempted murder.”

mingyu seems confused. “attempted?”

“the poison didn’t kill him. you’re guilty of something, definitely, but you’re no murderer.” the inspector’s gaze suddenly shifts from your partner to you, a deep frown setting into your forehead. “the only player in this game that wasn’t making any sense to me was you.”

“me?”

“you know, in my many years in this line of work, i’ve found it a rarity to have a suspect possessing such an… inscrutible expectant stillness. the gears in your head are constantly turning, but no one’s really sure what it is that goes up in there. you’re an enigma.” he says to you, and you listen to him with a raised brow.

as you remain silent, he continues. “at the event a few weeks ago, when i spoke with you, i came to you and told you i suspected him to be the culprit — the man you’ve hated from day one. the opportunity to make him go away was practically given to you, yet you did nothing with it.”

scoffing at him in disbelief, you tilt your head. “that’s all you have against me? baseless speculation?”

“not exactly baseless. see, the autopsy report showed one more thing — he was choked before the hanging. your father was unconscious before you put that rope around his neck.”

it’s so quiet, you’re pretty sure the two men in the room are able to hear your heartbeat at this point.

mingyu turns to look at you with a puzzled expression, and you finally decide to drop the façade you’ve upheld for so long.

“oh, so what?” you shrug, finding the accusation bothersome at best.

the sudden change in demeanor catches mingyu completely off-guard. he can’t fully comprehend what’s going on here. “you—you killed him?”

you press your lips together. “whatever you used on him wasn’t enough to kill him, but it was enough to make him violent. he came home that night just—fucking losing it. stumbling over everything, his eyes were all red, and he yelled at me because he thought i was the one who poisoned him. ‘cause naturally, he’d never suspect you. my father was one to hit me on the cheek whenever he was really angry with me, but he’d never gone further than that. the poison must’ve worked him up so much that he lost rational thinking. so he began to accuse me of trying to kill him, after which he tried to choke me, but i managed to throw him off, and he passed out. and i figured it’d been enough of his torture, so… i hung him in the stairwell to make it seem like a suicide.”

the inspector nods knowingly. “you murdered him in cold blood.”

you’re quick to respond with your defense, though you don’t really care anymore. “did you not hear the part where he tried to kill me?”

mingyu looks like a kicked puppy when he processes your confession. “so you’ve been lying to me this whole time?”

the words elicit a scoff. “that’s real bold, coming from you.”

“but you—you agreed to help me figure out who your father’s killer was. why would you do that if you did it?”

“at first i didn’t, as you know, but you were just so fucking persistent. so i figured i could try to divert your attention from me. i was going to convince you that it was a suicide. then i hear the tapes, you admitting that you poisoned him, and everything made sense. but hey, at least i wasn’t trying to frame you.”

the jab directed at him makes him feel guilty again. “so we both did it.”

“in a way. though i’d argue it was somewhat self-defense. i mean, he came onto me, tried to kill me—”

“you made a mistake and you know it.” the inspector interrupts, making you roll your eyes as he scolds you. “you should’ve called the police. but you didn’t, you just decided to hang him instead!”

“he deserved it!” you retort, displaying the clear hatred you’ve always felt towards anyone who tried to defend the man who raised you. “i don’t care what you think. and you said it yourself — i have everyone in the justice system on my payroll, if necessary. threatening to kill a family member or two also works like a charm.”

it’s silent for a few seconds after you’ve revealed this side of your true nature, and the man just stares you in the eye before grabbing a device from his backpocket.

when he clicks on the button, you already know what it is.

he recorded the whole conversation, and you already know he can’t be bribed, so this is a real problem — because it’s the one piece of evidence needed that will destroy you both.

“you do realize how stupid it was to come here alone, right?” you ask rhetorically.

“what, will you kill me too?” he asks, and when both you and mingyu deadpan a stare at him, he knows the answer.

he’s not getting out of this room alive unless he forfeits the recording.

when you and your partner in crime exchange a glance, the inspector attempts to make a run for it, only to be tackled by mingyu once he’s reached the door.

one last sacrifice.

the sound of a blade piercing through skin makes you jump, your fingers twitching.

blood begins to trickle down his body, after which mingyu pulls out the knife and pushes it in once more, higher up in the chest this time.

“oh, jesus—fuck!” you gasp to yourself when you feel the bloodsplatters hitting your face and neck, and mingyu rips the blade from the inspector’s body, letting it fall onto the carpeted floor.

you both stare at the freshly created crime scene, and you pinch the bridge of your nose, mostly just annoyed at having another crime on your hands.

“well, that is unfortunate.” mingyu sighs, after which you press your lips together, looking up at him.

“understatement of the year. did you have to stab him that quick?”

“sweetheart, he would’ve locked us both away if i didn’t.”

“i guess so.” locking the front door to ensure no one can enter, you cross your arms. “so. are we burning, burying or dumping him in a lake?”

mingyu stares at the body on the floor before locking eyes with you, and it’s like making a silent deal — that you’re in this mess together, and only together can you come out of it, as bloody and violent that road may turn out to be.

well, at the end of the day, you suppose your father was right about one little thing.

you and kim mingyu are, indeed, good together. just not in the exact way he imagined.

after all, love can exist even in the murderous heart.

thanks for reading! let me know if you enjoyed it x

® SANAKIRAS — do not repost, remake or copy my work in any way whatsoever. translations are not allowed.

[teaboot]

hiiiiiii so i have concepts of a story that were halted months ago due to my inability to fathom writing From The Perspective Of A Toddler. & now i have learned that you apparently remember the experience VIVIDLY. & i would like to ask,, if you would be so kind,, if you would be amenable to. giving tips. answering questions. etc

for instance the extremely crucial Do You Remember When You Learned How To Spell Your Name. & What Was Thinking Like

. pretty please i had lost hope

Oh, sure! Yeah, no problem

Kay so I learned how to read at around 4 and was p much fluent around 5- I remember cause I LOVED Calvin and Hobbes and Calvin was one year older than me

When I was 3ish I remember my mom starting with the alphabet, and I remembered learning it in chunks- so I usually didn’t forget just a single letter, but the whole chunk. ABCD-EFG-HIJK, like how the song goes, but if I got stuck on D and couldn’t remember E I’d jump to H just grasping for the next thing I could remember. And she made me learn in German too, so I got the idea of certain letters being able to make different noises

*(English alphabet LMNOP was the hardest cause it sounded like a word- ELEMENOPEE- and since all letter names sound like words I thought it was just one letter, like DOUBLE-YOU and WHY.)

**(My favourite German letter was OOPSILON ‘cause my mom made it sound like something you’d say after falling down in a silly way- like “whoopsie-doodles” or smthn)

So by the time it came to reading and writing, I already had most of the sounds memorized- the hardest things to remember where letters that COULD sound the same but weren’t interchangeable- like G and J- and which letters were usually in pairs and when- like -CK and Qu- -and which directions they faced when I wrote them down.

The most common backwards-letters were J, L, N, b, d, S, Z, a, q, and r.

I’m not getting doxxed today but my name had letter/s that I consistently wrote backwards.

In early grades, our teacher wrote our names on big pieces of paper and taped them to the top of our desks so we could see them every day, and let us decorate around them with pencil crayons so they’d be personalized. So remembering the right letters in the right order was pretty easy pretty fast, but some would still be backwards.

After we had the alphabet song down, we all got workbooks with 26 double-sides pages or so where there was one line of a single letter spelled in dashes we could trace, like Aa Aa Aa, then a line of capitals we had to free-write, like AAAA, then a line in lowercase- aaaa. After there was a line of text using that letter we could trace- Anna ate an apple- and then like five lines where we’d repeat it.

We were only supposed to do one or two a day, and I frequently got in trouble for blowing past that.

We had other workbooks just like that for learning cursive, but IMO cursive was easier because we already knew the letters, we just had to learn how they looked then they were fancy and how to connect them fluidly.

The worst part of learning to write was keeping the pencil steady. Holding a pencil to write when you’ve never done it before is kind of uncomfortable till you find a position that works for you, and it takes a while to get a feel for how close your fingers should be to one end. On top of that, it’s super hard to get a tidy line of any shape until your motor skills catch up- and they only catch up if you DO it enough.

My least-favourite things about learning to write was guessing which words ended in a silent E, whether or not a Wr- word was just an R-, and remembering that Q was always followed by a U.

Th- Wh- Ch- -Ce and Sh- sounds had an entire class one day, and a separate poster on the board with trains and people shushing so we’d know which one was which. Like a cheat sheet! Our teacher would sometimes tape construction paper over them before class started or during recess and we wouldn’t notice until after she announced a surprise pop quiz.

I hope some of this was what you were looking for?

Good luck writing! :D

[uyuforu]

Groom/ Briede Asteroids in Solar Return Charts

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✮⋆˙ Soooooo, I wanted to make a post normally about those asteroids, since I didn't see a lot of series about those in the solar return charts. Except that, as always, I just don't do the typical "oh what could it means", I, in fact, did a lot of researches about those asteroids in the solar return chart on several people who do not know or know their spouses.

✮⋆˙ In this case, I noticed that those asteroids in the solar returns wouldn't be a typical post about just writing down what it could mean. In fact, it seems like it is a little more complex than that. When I checked on several people, I have noticed a pattern: those asteroids always go forward in your chart.

✮⋆˙ For example, checking your Groom asteroid several years in the solar return charts, you'll notice that for several years you'll have it (for example) in the 10H, and after a few years, it's moving in the 11H, and then 12H, etc. It's always moving forward, sometimes goes back to the previous houses, but you'll never have a Groom Asteroid, or Briede, being a year in the 6H, and the next one in the 12H, and then in the 7H, etc. It's always going forward, despite not being necessarily in the same signs.

✮⋆˙ In this case, this can tell us your Groom/ Briede Asteroid is always gonna move forward. Yet indeed, Signs and Degrees change variously.

Take Groom (5129) or Briede (19029) as your Future Spouse for this post.

✮ By Signs & Degrees ⋆

˚☽˚.⋆ Groom/ Briede in Aries, 1°, 13°, 25°

If you know your FS already: You could have a year where you meet them often this year, you could see them often. You could also have a strong desire to see them more. This can be a year with a lot of PDA, you can also have a lot of touchy moments together. You could also have some hot tensions, or flirts, or some steamy intimate moments. You could hug a lot, make out, etc. This can also be a year where you can argue a lot with them, or more so watch out for that. FS can also be more chasing towards you, they can be more touchy with you for sure.

If you don't know your FS already: This can be often an indicator of meeting FS, mostly if you have it in 1°. But this can often be like you seeing them, or seeing their face this year somehow. This can be about you crossing their way this year, or you can dream of them and see their face. Such things. So you could meet them. But otherwise, you could also have a strong sensation you'll meet them soon, or you could feel a stronger desire to know more about your FS, so there is a passionate feeling to just know who they are.

˚☽˚.⋆ Groom/ Briede in Taurus, 2°, 14°, 26°

If you know your FS already: This could be a year where you are very chill when it comes to your FS. Whatever situation you are in with them, you could really feel good. If you are in a relationship with them, you could feel romantic but also very chill and calm this year. Spending time with them, and enjoying sweet moments together, but you also feel calm and collected, not wanting to necessarily rush anything. If you know them but you are not with them yet, you could kinda feel detached from the control of the connection, being very calm and collected, and perhaps being more focused on you. You value patience and taking it easy and slow.

If you don't know your FS already: You could be quite chill about your FS this year, this can be a year where you are not really focused on them. You could have a romantic thought here and there, sometimes. But your energy this year could feel quite collected. Romantic daydreaming could still be happening, imagining how you would meet, etc. How they would take care of you. But this could be majorly a sign of focusing more on other things rather than your FS. Your energy is calm, detached. Even if you have other indicators of wanting to know your FS and still have Taurus energy to your placement, this could add a more calm and collected energy to the placement.

˚☽˚.⋆ Groom/ Briede in Gemini, 3°, 15°, 27°

If you know your FS already: You can talk a loooooooot about your FS this year. You can speak to them to your friends, you can also just talk a lot about them online, etc. This is a year where you'll think a lot about your FS as well. You can also talk a lot to them, you can ask them a lot of questions about them, wanting to know more and more. You'll also be more into texting, calling them. There could also be some stalking online, often checking on what they post, do, listen online etc.

If you don't know your FS already: You can have a strong desire to know more about your FS this year, you'll be extra curious. You could do a lot of researches when it comes to them, perhaps you'll dive into esoteric tools, astrology tools, anything like this. You can consume a lot of contents to also know more (pick-a-card, astrology, etc.). This is a year where you can really also try to manifest them, so perhaps you can talk a lot about what you would want them to be, but also you could try manifesting.

˚☽˚.⋆ Groom/ Briede in Cancer, 4°, 16°, 28°

If you know your FS already: This can be a year where you could feel very comfortable with your FS. You could feel like you are so comfy with them, they are your home, your safe place. There could be a feeling of being more dependent on them this year, and you could feel emotionally needy for them, sometimes being clingy. You could feel impatient to start a family with them, or get married, or you could also have a strong desire to start to live with FS. Perhaps you'll often meet them in their place, or yours, or you'll really consider getting a place together, getting married, adopting pets or getting children.

If you don't know your FS already: This can be a year where you'll have very soft and romanticized thoughts about your FS. You could feel like you are very longing for FS. Though this could be a year where you can think a lot about your stable life with your FS, or you could desire more to have a family with them, thinking "I can't wait to have a family with my FS". You could also be quite chill and patient when it comes to meeting FS. But there could be some feelings of feeling needy as well to meet them, sometimes you'll feel impatient, and sometimes you'll be very patient. There could also be some random thoughts such as "Perhaps I'll never meet them :(".

˚☽˚.⋆ Groom/ Briede in Leo, 5°, 17°, 29°

If you know your FS already: You could have a year where you could actually meet your FS. Def this could have a feeling where "light" could go on your FS, so you could discover them this year or not. But this could also be that you could feel very prideful about them, thinking they are very good looking, you could also feel possessive of them, or only wanting them to see you. You could also have a feeling FS can "see you", in a way you could feel watched by them somehow. You could have a feeling you are both seeing each other truly for who you both are.

If you don't know your FS already: This can be a year where you could feel very happy about the thought of your FS. You could feel very excited to meet them, having a sensation perhaps it can be soon. You could also have a lot of pride about them, in a way that you could feel like they are awesome, a very beautiful person, and you could so have a strong impatience to meet them. You could also think a lot about how they will think of you, will they like you first or not, you'll wonder what kind of 1st impression you make to them. You could also somehow have a positive thinking of your FS this year. If you have a relationship or a person doing you wrongly, you could think "my FS would never".

˚☽˚.⋆ Groom/ Briede in Virgo, 6°, 18°

If you know your FS already: You could have a year where you are more serious about FS this year. Perhaps you'll consider things between you two needs to move to the next level, you could feel like you have "no time to waste" and so there could be a feeling of being ready for the next step. You could also plan ahead with FS (or just you) the life you want with them. Perhaps this could also be a year of you feeling like you need to fix anything that is bothering you in this connection as well, so perhaps working on yourself more, and also perhaps trying to make FS do the same.

If you don't know your FS already: This can be a year where you are quite feeling good in your daily life, and either you could have desire to know about your FS and searching deep or not at all this year. This sign here could make you feel detached from FS. You could search for into about them, but you may prefer to focus more on yourself, on your work, your studies and also perhaps being a better version of yourself before meeting FS.

˚☽˚.⋆ Groom/ Briede in Libra, 7°, 19°

If you know your FS already: This could be a year where you are very romantic about your FS, you could think a lot about them in a very romantic way, wondering what they are doing, where they are currently, if they love you too. You could go on dates with your FS, but you could also miss them often. You could wanna be more romantic, perhaps do more romantic acts for them, to prove to them you love them. You could romanticize the relationship you have with your FS also. This could def be a year where you do a lot of romantic things with FS.

If you don't know your FS already: You could have a year where you wonder a lot about your FS, who they are, and you could feel more needy about them. More needy to know, more needy to get closer to the time you meet them. You could romanticize FS a lot this year. You could also for example watch tons of Pick-a-Cards to know who they are, you could really watch a lot of contents to know more, but also about your love story, etc. There is a lot of longing here.

˚☽˚.⋆ Groom/ Briede in Scorpio, 8°, 20°

If you know your FS already: This can be a very transformative year when it comes to you and your FS. You can have a lot of moments when you discover more about them. You can learn some truth, but also you can just get to know them better. You can have some hot and intense moments with them, perhaps some very steamy moments. You can feel a very strong pull towards them, having a sensation you can't get enough of them. You may also just be more obsessed with your FS, perhaps you'll have a hard time to be away from them this year.

If you don't know your FS already: This can be a year of transformation about what you know of your FS. If you know literally nothing about them, this can be a year where you start having hints or sort of signs about them. This can be a year where you discover who your FS is, and if you meet them this year, this can def be a sort of shocking event for you. Such as thinking "WHAT?? Them???". Thought this can def transform the way you see your FS. You could also feel more obsessed to know who is your FS, or if that specific person is your FS.

˚☽˚.⋆ Groom/ Briede in Sagittarius, 9°, 21°

If you know your FS already: You could have a year where there can be distance with FS, mentally or physically. But please do not take this as being doomed, distance can happen for a lot of reason, good or bad. Though, this can be a year also where you can travel with FS, you can also get to know them a lot more. You can feel like FS and you are closer, and you know each other better. You can feel like also you have a very strong connection with them. This can be a year where you also feel like you are strongly connected to FS spiritually.

If you don't know your FS already: This year could be a very strong year when it comes to knowing more about your FS. You could actually be more curious, and dive deep into more knowledge about it. You could really learn more about them with some esoteric tools or Astrology. You could open up your mind about your FS, perhaps also learning who they are this way. You could wonder a lot about them, and find yourself really being curious.

˚☽˚.⋆ Groom/ Briede in Capricorn, 10°, 22°

If you know your FS already: This can be a year where you want to take actions to your relationship with your FS, perhaps you have a strong desire to make things more official or more public between you two. You could want to be with them, or make things more official, such as a proposal, living together, wedding, etc. This is a good indicator for you to feel like yeah, they are the one, I know it. You just look at your FS and feel so sure this year. You can also work hard to make things work between you two.

If you don't know your FS already: This can be a year where you are more serious when it comes to your FS, so perhaps you can feel more assertive and serious about the idea of them. You could feel like you are ready to meet them, you could also want clear message and set strong intentions to know more about them. This can be a year where you are curious but def want to know more about them. Like: That's it. I wanna know. You could take actions to know more about them. But also, this could be you taking a sort of step back about them, you are curious and you could also want to know more, but you are not obsessed, you do you mostly.

˚☽˚.⋆ Groom/ Briede in Aquarius, 11°, 23°

If you know your FS already: You could have a year where you can hang out with them a lot, you could also perhaps focus on your connection rather than your love this year. Perhaps a year where you want to build a true connection, such as a true friendship between you two. For some of you, this can also mean being friend zone by your FS, it could also be about you wanting to be friends with them, or this could be a time where you share more a friendship, a close bond than a true relationship. You could discover a lot of things about your FS this year.

If you don't know your FS already: This could be a year where you could have a feeling where you do not really care much about your FS, the energy is quite detached this year. You could feel very much like you do not necessarily need to be with them this year, or you could not really get attached to their idea. The energy this year could be cooler, very detached, you could not care that much about who is your FS, you could also be quite in a mindset that nothing really is yours, and if it is meant to come to you, then it will naturally. You are def into detaching yourself to the stress or the obsession to know about them.

˚☽˚.⋆ Groom/ Briede in Pisces, 12°, 24°

If you know your FS already: This can be a very emotional year about your FS. This can be a year where you feel very sensitive and emotional about your FS or your connection with them. This can be a time where you can cry a lot about them (for several reasons), but also you could also have a very spiritual year when it comes to them. You can have a spiritual awakening when it comes to them, you can also dream a lot about them, connect to them through meditation or with psychic abilities, etc. You can truly feel connected to them, and you can also have a lot of signs about them. There can be some romantic things as well, but this is a year of thinking a lot of the past with them as well.

If you don't know your FS already: You could have a year where you feel truly connected to your FS. Meaning you could feel pulled to know more about them. You can dream of them, so this could be a year where you could encounter them a lot in dreams, or 5D. You could also use a lot of esoteric or spiritual tools to know about them. You could also have a strong desire to develop your spiritual knowledge to know more about them as well. You could daydream a lot about your FS, you could wonder a lot as well. This could be a sign of also crying about the lonely nights, or worrying when you'll meet them. You could also feel more sensitive this year about the idea or subject of who you'll marry.

✮ In the Houses ⋆

˚☽˚.⋆ Groom/ Briede in 1H

If you know your FS already: This can be a year where you get to know FS in fact. A lot of people who encountered their FS the first time had this placement. But if not, thats fine too. FS can have an impact on who you are and who you want to become this year. You could start seeing FS as someone you value and someone you want to know deeper. You can also realize FS is your FS this year despite knowing them. Often, you can think FS glow up and look very good. You can also really feel attracted to FS physically. If you knew FS only online you can encounter them this year in real life. You can also be more touchy with FS this year, perhaps having a more physical relationship.

If you don't know your FS already: You can have a year where you can get to know more about FS and how they look like. You can perhaps even meet FS this year, often it was a time for people to encounter FS the year they have this placement. Though, this can be a year where you can indeed meet them, or just see them somehow. You can also encounter them in a dream, or learn more about their physical appearance without knowing them. You can also just be introduced to your FS, knowing more about them. You can also feel like you met them, this can often be a time of love at first sight, meeting them but recognizing them when you meet.

˚☽˚.⋆ Groom/ Briede in 2H

If you know your FS already: This can be a year where you value your FS a lot. You can realize FS is your FS this year, or you can start to feel like FS is more important for you than what you thought. You could spend more money on FS this year, perhaps buying them a lot of things, often buying them food, or even traveling with them, etc. You can also feel very good with FS, perhaps you can start having a routine with them. This can also be that you can start dating FS or you can take them more seriously. You can feel safe with FS, and you can feel like they truly make you happy. You could also want to "possess" FS somehow, meaning you could think of a long term commitment with them or even perhaps propose to them.

If you don't know your FS already: This year, you could feel quite good with or without FS, there is a chill and calm energy here. If you are curious about your FS, you could spend money to know more about them. You could have a good feeling about FS this year, feeling quite patient when it comes to meet them, or be with them. You can so in this case think of them often but focusing more on you. You could feel like valuing yourself and your personal grow is always good in the meantime. This can so be a year where you could not have much going on about FS, but you could think that focusing on yourself is better until you meet FS.

˚☽˚.⋆ Groom/ Briede in 3H

If you know your FS already: This can be a year where you can talk a lot with FS. You can share a lot of conversations, ideas, opinion, you'll be in the long run with those sleepless conversations. You could also think a lot about your FS this year, all the time have them on your mind. You can also take decisions based on them, perhaps you can buy things or make plans based on what they can think of those or based on what can make them happy. You can travel a lot with FS as well, move around, etc. This can be a year talk a lot about FS as well, and value their opinions too. FS can have an impact on how you talk or think as well. This can also be a year of dating or proposing.

If you don't know your FS already: This can be a year where you can start to think more of your FS. You can start to wonder who you'll marry, you can ask yourself tons of questions about them. Curiosity can start those years. But you can also imagine a lot of things about FS, how they would treat you, who they would look like, you can also wonder how you'll meet, perhaps also you could manifest FS this year, even if you do not realize you do. You can start to wonder if people around you are your FS, you can also perhaps just be often in your thoughts about who FS could be. You could start talking about FS stuff with people around you or start to want to know who they are. You can also search for more info on how to know, etc. You can also encounter FS for a short time or briefly without knowing this year.

✮⋆ A little story time but when I had that placement I was turning 15 and I almost encounter my FS this year. I traveled to the country where he was living back then, and I was staying in the city where his ex gf (who he was dating when I was there) was living. We were so in the same place at the same time, but never encountered.

˚☽˚.⋆ Groom/ Briede in 4H

If you know your FS already: This can be a year where you feel very close and lovey lovey to your FS. You could have a routine with them, and often see each other. Days without seeing them can be hard for you. If you are in a relationship with FS, you can have a strong feeling you'll be your whole life with FS, you can really emotionally depend on them though. This can also be a possible year for moving in together (doesn't mean if you do not have 4H placement you'll never live with FS), but you can also think often of the family you two can have together. You can talk a lot about the future with FS, but you can mostly feel like this year, only FS is your safe place, your home.

If you don't know your FS already: This year you could feel very attached to the idea of your FS. You could find a safe place into knowing more about them, perhaps they can be a theme to calm you or relax yourself in your day to day life. You could have a profound interest in FS and you could really search for more about how your life will be with them, etc. You could daydream a lot about them this year but also you could think of the house or the children you two could have, you could think the family and home life you'll have with FS. You could also wonder often what they are doing, where they are right now, are they happy, etc. You'll wonder a lot about FS and you'll worry for them too somehow. It's a very soft and dreamy placement.

˚☽˚.⋆ Groom/ Briede in 5H

If you know your FS already: If you know your FS when you have this placement, this could indicate having a lot of romantic dates and moments with them, perhaps a time where you feel very much into them. You could have a lot of romantic moments with them. But this could mean having a flirty moment with FS as well. You could feel like you have a lot of fun with them, and you could really have a true cute moment around the time the Asteroid is in this house.

If you don't know your FS already: This seems like a very dreamy placements, often this could indicate a time where you daydream a lot about your Future Spouse, you could wonder a lot, and also you could imagine a lot of who they are. You could feel excited about them, a moment where you could have a sensation that they are almost there with you. The thoughts of FS make you happy. You can also often wonder who they are, but not actively searching for this, but you could often for example wonder if that person you are flirting with, or making eye contact with are them. Often a time where you feel really romantic and have romantic thoughts about your FS

˚☽˚.⋆ Groom/ Briede in 6H

If you know your FS already: This time around, you could actually have a time where you learn more about FS. This could be them being part of your daily life this particular time, so perhaps you could spend more time with FS, talk to them daily, this could be you seeing them more than you used to. You could also learn more about FS, perhaps get to know each other. If you're in a relationship with them, this could be a time where you are living them, perhaps moving in with them, or somehow there is something that makes you see them everyday.

If you don't know your FS already: If often had people around me with this placement who knew their FS this year. This could often say "FS is now part of your daily life". So often it was a placement to have when you are meeting FS. Though, if its not your case, that's fine, and it could also just tell us that you are often thinking of your FS in your daily life, such as often thinking how you would live with them, and whenever you have a situation you could imagine how they would react rn. This could also tell us that you could think of FS sometimes, but you are very focused on you, your schedule. You are not actively searching for who is your FS.

˚☽˚.⋆ Groom/ Briede in 7H

If you know your FS already: This is a time where you are totally in love with FS. Your feelings are certified, strong and undeniable. You could realize your feelings for them, or you could also realize they are your FS. There is a very romantic vibe between you and FS this year, more than usual. This could often also indicate that you have a strong feeling about your FS. You def feels like they are the one, and so there could be a strong desire this year of marrying them. You can feel ready. For some, this could indicate indeed marriage, a wedding, but not necessarily. Though be careful, 7H is also about enemy, you could perhaps also have some kind of hate against FS this year, hate and love aren't very far away.

If you don't know your FS already: You could have a year where you are being introduced to your FS, that for example you can meet them and not realize they are the one, or you could also just encounter them somehow, even just a brief instant. Though, this could often indicate a time where you'll wonder if people you date are your FS, you could also mistaken people you date or meet for them. If you already know their characteristics, this could be a time where you encounter someone and wonder "are they my FS?". You could also think a lot more about your FS around with people, meaning you could meet people and wonder "what if its them" and you could start imagining what it would be like. Perhaps a placement where you are really romantically imagining a lot of things about your FS and you.

˚☽˚.⋆ Groom/ Briede in 8H

If you know your FS already: Often times, I found that most of people who had this placement and knew their FS were hurt by them at that time. It can be a time where you are indeed having a very strong connection with your FS, and you could often have some of their actions hurt you, and this could be a time where you feel very emotional because of them. This doesn't mean FS is a mean person, violent, or toxic. It can just be a time where they can hurt you without actually knowing about it, unconsciously. You could feel quite obsessed about your FS, perhaps you have a hard time to stop thinking about them, you want to see them and talk to them all the time. You could also have a very strong connection to them, so often times you could see signs from the universe or God about them, or you could also just have a lot of steamy times with them this year (or even perhaps steamy dreams). This could also be a time of reflection when it comes to you and your FS, and your connection.

If you don't know your FS already: This could be a time where you could really feel obsessed about who your FS is. You could really want to know strongly who they are, want to know more about them in general as well. You could also want to dive deep into knowing more about them, who they are, you'll want to figure it out, because you'll need it. You could use esoteric tools for that indeed, but also you could really want to find the truth about who your FS is. This could be a year where you could feel like it's hard to find more about your FS, and this could indeed then make you have a very obsessive behavior towards knowing more. This can also be a year where you are more private about your FS, may keep your thoughts and your ideas about who they are to yourself, but just also do not share much about them.

˚☽˚.⋆ Groom/ Briede in 9H

If you know your FS already: This can be a year where you could learn more about your FS, you could either know them better, know more about them, learn some truth or some stuff. This can be a year where you feel "separated" from your FS, for example you could feel like they are far from you from a physical distance matter, or you could just feel like you guys are away for some reasons. You could also have a more spiritual or psychic related relationship, feeling more connected to each other, etc.

If you don't know your FS already: This year you could feel more connected to your FS or to "someone" weirdly. You could be introduced somehow to your FS in Astrology or spirituality. You could also search for your FS in those tools, or esoteric tools, and know more about them. This could be a year of learning about them. You could also feel a certain distance between you and them, in a sense you could feel like they are far from you or you won't be close to meet them. You could feel like developing a spiritual or religious side of you to connect more with them this year.

˚☽˚.⋆ Groom/ Briede in 10H

If you know your FS already: This can be a year where you realize a lot of thing about FS, perhaps you can also find some truth about them. This isn't a year of you knowing more your FS, it is truly knowing the truth about them. You could realize a truth about something they said, or them in a way, but also about your connection. You could work with FS this year, perhaps you could have a project with them. You could also have a year where it is major and important between FS and you, perhaps you could even marry them this year. FS can also see you in a new light, or their reputation also is different from your perspective.

If you don't know your FS already: You could have a year where you can discover who your FS is, you could also just realize some major things about your FS. This can be a year of realization. Even if you do not discover who they are this year, you can still learn new things about them that can change the way you view them, your perspective, or your point of view. You can also think FS is different from how you viewed them before. If you wondered still some things about FS, you could find the truth finding you this year. You could work hard to know more about them also this year.

˚☽˚.⋆ Groom/ Briede in 11H

If you know your FS already: This year, you can perhaps see FS more as a friend than a lover, or this can be a year where you only see them as a friend actually. For example, if you only knew them and didn't date them, you can start off as friends this year. You can also develop a much more human or real connection with them this year, even if you are with them romantically. This can be a year where you feel deeply connected to FS. You can feel like they are one of the most important person for you this year. You can also feel like you can count on FS. Though, in some cases this can mean being friend zoned by FS.

If you don't know your FS already: You can have a year where you have a feeling that your FS could be around you, or that you could meet them online. In fact this could perhaps be a sign of meeting FS online, but also around your friends, or in a community. You could feel very free about the idea of your FS, being ready to be surprised at any moment, ready to meet them without necessarily being obsessed about the idea. You could also meet people and often wonder if they are the one, but this could also mean perhaps encountering fs online without knowing about it.

˚☽˚.⋆ Groom/ Briede in 12H

If you know your FS already: You could have a time where FS and you aren't in contact, or are currently not speaking. FS can be away from you somehow too. But you can dream a lot about them, perhaps they can talk to you in dreams, communicate with you this way and you can learn some things about FS like that as well. This can be a year where you can also have a strong psychic, or spiritual connection to FS, so perhaps often having visions about them, perhaps also have strong signs about them as well. You can also feel what they feel sometimes; it can be pretty intense. You can also feel like FS and you are getting closer this year, but this can also be spiritually.

If you don't know your FS already: This could be a year where you can really have no idea who is your FS, or this can be a time where you feel like FS is clearly not in your life. You could also have a sensation that you are connected to them. You can dream a lot about FS, and perhaps also have some visions of them, you can also feel like there is a strong 5D connection between you two. You may encounter FS a lot in dreams or visions, etc. You can also use spirituality, meditation or sleep to connect with them.

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[kodamaghost00]

𝑽𝒊𝒌𝒕𝒐𝒓𝒔 𝑺𝑭𝑾 𝑨𝒍𝒑𝒉𝒂𝒃𝒆𝒕

☾ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧ *✧･ﾟ: * *✧

A = Affection. How does he show affection towards his significant other?

He is clever with his words, so he will affirm you every day. Even if it’s something simple like pointing out a change in your appearance.

B = Best Friends. How did he act before you two started dating?

He was oblivious to your feelings. Before you two started dating he just thought you two were great friends, or better said he didn’t date before you so he wasn’t aware of his feelings yet.

C = Cuddles. Does he like cuddling?

When he’s not sleeping at the lab then he loves to cuddle with you. He likes to sleep on your chest especially. Listening to your heartbeat makes him sleepy.

D = Domestic. Does he want to settle down? Possibly starting a family one day?

He would love to settle down with you. Just the thought of having a family with you one day makes him very happy. He doesn’t want to have biological children though, due to his health condition that can be passed down.

E = Ending. How would he react if you two broke up? What would be his reaction be?

No matter your ups and downs he would always try to make it work again. But if you two really need to break up he’s very respectful of your boundaries. He would make it as comfortable as possible so you could stay friends afterwards.

F = Fiancé. How fast does he want to marry? Does he want to marry at all?

Viktor would like to marry you one day, but he’s way too focused on his studies to do it right now. He likes to take his time with proposing to you.

G = Gentle. How gentle is he, both physically and emotionally?

He is very gentle in both physical and emotional, but he will harshly point out when you make mistakes. Especially when they will affect you negatively.

H = Hugs. Does he like hugs? How often does he do it? What are his hugs like?

His hugs are deep and long. He’s not really a PDA guy but in private he loves a good hug. When he had a long day at the lab again it gives him strength to proceed.

| = I love you. How fast does he say the L-word?

As stated earlier he wouldn’t even realize that he has a crush on you. It takes courage to admit it as well. Give him the time he needs he’ll open up eventually.

J = Jealousy. How jealous can he be? What does he do when he’s jealous?

He wouldn’t admit it to you at first. Giving you dirty glances as soon as he notices the looks of others on you. He will do it quietly and quickly till you stop it yourself.

K = Kisses. What are his kisses like? Where does he like to kiss you? Where dies he like to be kissed?

His kisses are soft and gentle. He loves to kiss your hands and forehead! When he knows you have insecurities he makes sure to give them extra attention. He on the other hand loves it when you kiss his face and neck.

L= Little ones. How is he around children?

Due to his own childhood he is very careful of children. They are easily influenced by their surroundings so he tries to show his best self to them.

M = Morning. How are mornings spent with him?

He would stay up so late that he oversleeps in the morning. You have to wake him up gently. He goes to work straight away after eating breakfast with you.

N = Night. How are nights spent with him?

He comes to bed often when you’re already asleep. He comes to bed very exhausted and snuggles up to you listening to your steady breathing.

O = Open. When would he start revealing things about himself? Does he say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?

He wouldn’t reveal too much all at once. It is foolish to reveal unnecessary information to strangers after all. After you work with him longer he’ll reveal more details about his past, present and future!

P = Patience. How easily angered is he?

He’s a very calm individual and won’t get mad over small things. It’s more like frustration than anger. He wouldn’t let it out in you but rather try to talk things out.

Q = Quizzes. How much would he remember about you? Does he remember every little detail you mention in passing, or does he kind of forget everything?

He does remember important stuff and occasionally gives you your favorite things, but you have to remind him on special occasions.

R = Remember. What is his favorite moment in your relationship?

Most likely when you two met each other for the first time. It was refreshing to meet a new interesting person working with him. Who knew that you two could fall for each other?

S = Security. How protective is he? How would he protect you? How would he like to be protected?

He won’t show it but he is very protective. Especially in the lab with huh toxic chemicals and the hexcore. He knows what it does with people.

T = Try. How much effort would he put into dates,anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?

He would make sure to do everything in his power to make you feel special! He doesn’t take you out on little dates often but when he does they’re always so well prepared!

U = Ugly. What would be some bad habits of his?

He works till late in the night and even mornings. His sleep schedule is fucked and his eye bags are getting darker by the second.

V = Vanity. How concerned is he with his looks?

He cares about it a fair amount. His hair is always neat and all his shirts are ironed.

W = Whole. Would he feel incomplete without you?

Depends actually in what stage of relationship you guys are. If it’s only a few weeks in he would miss you as a friend. But if you two are already together for 4+ months then he’d feel lonely and incomplete.

X = Xtra. A random headcanon for him.

He likes it when you compliment his insecurities. It makes him hate them less.

Y = Yuck. What are some things he wouldn't like,either in general or in a partner?

He wouldn’t like it if his partner leaves their plates out. Like food plates with leftovers.

Z = Zzz. What is a sleep habits of his?

He has insomnia to some extent. He wakes up often in the night with slight panic.

☾ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧ *✧･ﾟ: * *✧

I love Viktor so much. Best Arcane/LOL character ever. Should I do a NSFW version? Let me know what you think! Have a great Day/Night.

- Your Ghost ༼ つ ╹ ╹ ༽つ

[lemotmo]

Sweet Jesus it's high-key hilarious laid out like this.

Q. But like it can go either way, you get that right? They have set it up to where you can decide it's about Tommy or Eddie depending on which way you want it to go. They've written it to be viewed as about Eddie or Tommy. We're not making that up???

A. My brother in Christ you are 100% making that up. That is unequivocally, one hundred percent not what the story is doing. The fact that I have to do this is shameful and proof of utter, willful ignorance, but you asked for it so here it is:

*Tommy comes in for the cruise ship rescue. We found out that he is former military, likes basketball, MMA, and Muay Thai. All things Buck VERBALIZES to the audience are things that he has in common with Eddie. MEANING THEY WERE CHARACTERISTICS GIVEN TO HIM TO SPECIFICALLY HAVE THEM IN COMMON WITH EDDIE.

*Buck acts like a lunatic for the entirety of 7x4 then inexplicably decides it must be about Tommy, despite the episode showing that it was very much about Eddie, so much so that Tommy himself is confused when Buck says he was trying to get his attention.

*They go out, Buck is understandably nervous, and then run into Eddie. Buck panics because he's not ready or sure what to tell Eddie yet. Tommy gets annoyed because Buck won't say they're on a date, he makes a closet joke, basically trying to force Buck to out himself in that moment, when Buck doesn't do it, Tommy gets upset and leaves him stranded at the restaurant.

*Buck apologizes to him, and invites him to Chim's bachelor party and wedding. For plot reasons Tommy accepts.

* Buck and Eddie decide on 80's theme for the party and decide to coordinate their outfits and go as Crockett and Tubbs. Tommy doesn't dress up, he offers up the fact that he is on call as his reason for not dressing up. He then leaves to go fight a fire. Leaving Buck and Eddie to spend the rest of the episode partying together. The show later releases a deleted scene of Eddie telling Christopher how he met his mother and that story proves to be a parallel to what we saw of Buck and Eddie during the bachelor party.

* Tommy shows up at the hospital where he and Buck kiss for the 2nd time. Eddie's reaction to the kiss, along with Buck's parents, are the reactions the show chooses to focus on.

*Tommy then disappears until the season finale. We see them have a dinner date at the end of the episode where Bobby nearly died, and Buck spent the entirety of it with Eddie dealing with Christopher and Bobby. Buck attempts to start a conversation about how he's feeling. Tommy turns it into a daddy sex joke.

*Tommy shows up again in 8x1, but only for one scene between him, Buck and Eddie where Eddie is trying to throw a birthday party for Christopher over zoom. He then disappears until episode 8x5

*In between that we see Buck struggling with Gerard as his captain. We get a shot of Eddie's voice being the voice he hears when he's trying to calm himself down.

*In episode 8x5 we see Buck buy what he believes is a prop skeleton but turns out to be a real skeleton. We get a lube joke between Buck and Eddie before Buck slips on pumpkin guts and separates his shoulder. Eddie rides to the hospital with him and stays with him, even talking to the doctor while Tommy hovers in the hallway. Once Tommy comes into the room, Eddie finishes a couple of Buck's sentences while he's telling the story to Tommy. Buck gets released from the hospital and goes home with Tommy. He wakes up with boils on his face, believing that the skeleton has cursed him, it was really an allergic reaction to the ibuprofen that Tommy gave him, because Tommy didn't know Buck was allergic. One of them calls Eddie to come over and tend to Buck's boils and despite the fact that Eddie and Tommy are both roughly saying the same thing Eddie is the one they show Buck reacting to and listening too.

*In 8x6 we see them have their 6 month anniversary date. The table next to them is having a divorce party, something the show makes a point of making the audience aware of. Tommy gives Buck basketball tickets, Buck has already told the audience he hates basketball. Tommy makes a joke about Buck taking Eddie to the game if he wants to. Buck didn't get Tommy a present at all. Buck realizes that his ex Abby is Tommy's ex Abby as well.

* Buck goes to talk to Maddie and Josh to get some advice. Josh gives a speech about how to know if he's in love or not, he says lots of things but one of the things Josh mentions is that Buck should honor the queer generation that came before him.

*Buck tells Tommy he is also Abby's ex and asks him to move in with him. He can't give any other reason other than what Josh said about honoring and respecting the queer generation that came before him. Tommy says no and breaks up with him by telling him that he knows how this ends and he's Buck's first, not his last.

*Buck goes directly to Eddie's house immediately following the breakup

*Buck is upset following the breakup and decides to start baking as a way to keep him preoccupied enough not to call Tommy. Buck finds out at the end of 8x8 that Eddie is looking at houses in El Paso

*8x9 opens with Buck and Eddie cleaning the locker room glass at the station and Eddie showing Buck a picture of the hose he put a down payment on in El Paso. Buck is upset by this news, but offers to help Eddie try and find a renter for his house. Buck sabotages all the showings to the point that Eddie tells him to leave. Before leaving Buck overhears Eddie telling the applicant that everything that matters to him is in Texas and Buck leaves upset. During a fire at an animal shelter Buck bonds with the beagle he rescues and shows up at the firehouse with him the next morning. Buck reveals to Bobby and the rest of the team Eddie's plans for moving, despite Eddie asking him not to. Buck tells Eddie that the dog is his new best friend and that unlike him the dog knows how to stay. Buck also reveals that he overheard what Eddie said about nothing L.A. mattering. Later we see Eddie accusing Buck of trying to force Eddie to choose between him and his son, something Buck absolutely did not do, but Eddie says it anyway, indicating that Eddie is the one who feels like he's being forced to choose. Then Buck reveals himself as the new renter for Eddie so he won't have to worry about anything and can move to El Paso and just worry about Christopher.

*8x10 deals with Maddie's kidnapping. We see Eddie driving Buck around and Buck has a mini spiral and tells Eddie that he is just moving back to Texas like it's nothing like it doesn't effect anybody else but it does. Eddie tells Buck that it's not nothing. The next time we see them is the goodbye scene at the uhaul. Both of them are awkward, and unsure of what to say or what to do. Eddie tells him that he knows this thing between them has been hard and they both could have handled it better. It is raining and soft music is playing over the scene. Buck says he baked chocolate chip protein cookies for the drive. They hug and the camera takes close ups of each of their faces. Both men are noticeably upset and struggling. Eddie looks back one more time before climbing into the truck and driving away.

*which brings us to 8x11. Buck can't sleep in Eddie's house and doesn't want to unpack because what he believes it means long term for Eddie and Christopher. Maddie tells him he needs to make new friends. He talks Ravi into going out drinking with him and talks about Eddie the entire time. Eddie sees Tommy and drags him over as a way to escape. Tommy asks Buck how he is and Buck tells him about Maddie and Eddie moving away. Tommy tells Buck he was unaware of this because Eddie basically stopped talking to him after they broke up. Camera pans to Buck smiling upon learning that. After learning that Eddie has moved away Tommy starts to flirt and Buck invites him back to his place. We see them arriving at the house and kissing and Tommy realizing that it's Eddie's house. Cut to the next morning, Buck wakes up alone and finds Tommy making breakfast in the kitchen. Buck tells Tommy that last night was fun but he understands that it changes nothing. Tommy tells him that it can change something and asks what he's doing on Saturday. Buck is confused and asks him why he doesn't believe Buck will break his heart anymore. Tommy tells him he is less worried now that his competition has moved away. Buck realizes he's talking about Eddie and tells him that Eddie is straight, Tommy openly scoffs at this statement which makes Buck even more upset. Buck then says he doesn't have to sleep with everyone he has feelings for and doesn't have feelings for everyone he sleeps with. Tommy leaves and we see Buck telling Maddie, TELLING MADDIE THAT HE USED TOMMY AS A WAY TO DISTRACT HIMSELF FROM MISSING EDDIE. He asks if he should call and apologize and Maddie tells him to learn to be alone. Tim confirms in an interview that Buck did not call Tommy.

That's it, anon. This is Tommy's entire arc on the show. Where, at any place is anything whatsoever that indicates any of this has anything at all to do with Tommy? Where is it? It doesn't exist. They had 31 scenes together and only 6 of those scenes didn't directly include Eddie or involve Eddie in some other way. Read that again. They had 6 total scenes that weren't about Eddie or didn't involve Eddie. But you expect me to believe that it's really about Tommy because Twitter says it is. Give me a fucking break. It could not be more cut and dry.

Thank you Nonny!

Yeah, we've been saying this for ages now. None of this was about Tommy, it was always Eddie. So yeah... nothing to add here. I think Ali was very clear and precise in her answer. 😋

IMPORTANT! Please don't repost this ask and/or a link that leads straight to my Tumblr account on Twitter or any other social media. Thank you!

Heads up! For anyone who is giving me the shifty eyes for reposting Ali's updates instead of reblogging. Read this.

Remember, no hate in comments, reblogs or inboxes. Let's keep it civil and respectful. Thank you.

If you are interested in more of Ali’s posts, you can find all of her posts so far under the tag: anonymous blog I love.

[child0feden]

MY GIRLS

lando norris x large chested! reader

♡ general dating headcanons for lando with a large chested partner!

୨୧ this is a bit shorter than usual stuff and it is very very very self indulgent, sometimes i love my girls and sometimes i hate them! reader is slightly hinted at to have been or be chubby <3

♡ view my formula 1 masterlist here

reading music recommendations: wanderer by little dragon - k.y.s.a. by phantogram - two of hearts by stacey q

♡ he knows how hard it is for you to find bras with your cup size in most stores so he asks you what your usual online store is and always buys you the prettiest and comfiest bras from the site, only wanting his girl to wear the best!

୨୧ sometimes you can feel insecure about your chest not being perky and “ perfect ” and he absolutely hates that you feel that way about yourself

♡ he’ll always make sure you know how much he loves your chest and you as a whole, you’re perfect to him

୨୧ he absolutely loves when you’re having a good day and feel confident to wear shirts that show off your chest, he’ll watch you change into it with soft eyes a loving smile on his face

♡ he’ll bend down and place a kiss on the skin, calling them his girls, making you laugh

୨୧ he goes absolutely feral when they bounce as you walk, he damn near drools like a dog…

♡ he just thinks they’re so hypnotising! not to mention when you wear a necklace with his initial on it and the charm rests on top of them, it just does something to him, it actives a neurone

୨୧ he’ll always help you apply moisturiser on your chest and lower stomach to help with stretch marks

♡ and whenever your back aches, he’ll give you a massage to help relive the tension without you even having to ask, anything to help his girl

୨୧ whenever you’re relaxing in the house without a bra on, he’ll always come up behind you, wrap his arms around your chest and gently hold your boobs in his soft hands

♡ not even in a sexual way, he just likes holding them, they’re soft and squishy!

୨୧ sometimes he’ll gently bite them too, not hard enough to hurt but hard enough to leave small teeth imprints

♡ he says it’s because they remind him of marshmallows :,)

୨୧ he adores using them as pillows too! laying on the couch watching a movie? his head resting on them as your chest slowly rises and falls…

♡ safe to say you’re the big spoon most nights! but when you’re the little spoon, he’s guaranteed to have his hands encased around your chest

୨୧ he knows you feel like you kind of have to wear a bra when in public ( no matter how many times he tells you to “ let his girls breathe ” )

♡ but the second you guys are in a private area like his drivers room, he’s snapping his fingers and telling you to “ get that cage off my girls, now ” with a cheeky smile on his face… and you do, gladly! always letting out a soft sigh of relief as soon as you unclasp it and he gestures for you to sit on his lap so he can massage them

୨୧ sometimes you have days where you’re just really not confident about them at all and talk about getting breast reduction surgery someday and whilst lando would hate to see his girls get smaller and thinks they’re perfect the way they are, if you were really serious about it and it would make you happier, he’d definitely pay for it

♡ but for now, his compliments and love always bring your confidence way up…

[pixiexdusts-world]

Min Ho’s crush problem

Min Ho Moon x reader

Summary: Min Ho’s feelings for a friend become hard to ignore, leading to a moment neither of them expected.

~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~

I know something’s up with Min Ho.

At first, I thought I was imagining it. He’s always been confident, teasing, and a little dramatic, but lately… he’s different around me. His usual cocky remarks turn into stuttered sentences. He looks away quickly when I I catch him staring. And the biggest red flag? He’s nice to me. Like, genuinely nice, without the usual snark.

Min Ho never acts like this.

“Hey.” Kitty slides into the seat next to me at lunch, setting her tray down with a thud. “You have noticed, right?”

I blink. “Noticed what?”

She gestures—not subtly at all—toward Min Ho, who’s grabbing his food. It would be completely normal, except every time I move, his eyes flicker to me. Like he’s hyperaware of my presence.

Kitty smirks. “That.”

Q, sitting on her other side, leans in. “Oh yeah, it’s obvious.”

Yuri, who’s been scrolling through her phone, finally looks up. “Wait, are we talking about how Min Ho is secretly obsessed with her?”

I nearly choke on my drink. “He is not—”

“Oh, he absolutely is.” Juliana grins. “It’s kinda cute.”

I frown, trying to act unaffected, but my face feels like it’s on fire. “You guys are being ridiculous.”

Dae sighs, exasperated. “I don’t know why we’re even debating this. Min Ho is in love with her, end of story.”

“In love?” I repeat, voice an octave higher. “Can we all calm down?”

“Fine.” Kitty taps her chin. “Maybe not love yet, but the boy is smitten.”

Before I can protest, Min Ho’s voice cuts through the conversation.

“Uh… what’s going on?”

I freeze. The whole table goes silent. I don’t even have to turn around to know he’s looking directly at me.

Kitty, being Kitty, answers without hesitation. “Oh, just talking about how you’re secretly in love with her.”

I slap my forehead. I’m going to kill her.

Min Ho chokes on his drink. “W-what?!”

The entire table bursts into laughter, except for me and Min Ho—who looks terrified.

Q grins. “Relax, man. We all see it.”

Min Ho scoffs, but he’s turning pink. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Yuri raises an eyebrow. “You sure? Because you’ve been staring at her like she hung the moon for, like, weeks.”

Min Ho’s jaw tightens. He’s scrambling—trying to come up with some cocky remark, some way to brush it off. But for the first time ever, Min Ho is speechless.

And that’s when it hits me.

They’re right.

Every stolen glance, every flustered response, every unnecessary favor—Min Ho likes me.

Min Ho, who flirts with everyone but never actually means it.

Min Ho, who is annoyingly perfect and way too attractive for his own good.

Min Ho, who I might—might—be crushing on a little, too.

Crap.

Before anyone can say anything else, Min Ho abruptly stands up, his chair scraping against the floor. “I just remembered—I have to, uh, go. Somewhere. Important.”

Then he rushes off without another word.

Kitty cackles. “Oh my God, he ran.”

Dae shakes his head. “I’ve never seen him this bad.”

I exhale, staring at the empty spot where Min Ho was just sitting. My heart is still racing.

Juliana nudges me. “So… you’re gonna do something about it, right?”

I bite my lip. “Maybe.”

Yuri smirks. “Good. Because if you don’t, we will.”

I groan, but there’s a tiny smile on my face. Min Ho has a crush on me. And judging by the way my stomach flips at the thought…

I think I kind of love that.

I find him outside, pacing in front of the school’s entrance like a caged lion. He’s so absorbed in his thoughts that he doesn’t notice me approach.

“Min Ho,” I call out, my voice hesitant but curious.

He jumps, startled, before he turns to face me. His expression flickers between relief and something else—something softer.

“Uh, hey,” he says, running a hand through his hair. “I didn’t think you’d follow me out here.”

I cross my arms, trying to act casual, but it’s hard when my heart’s hammering in my chest. “You ran off pretty quickly back there.”

Min Ho laughs nervously. “Yeah, well… I wasn’t exactly prepared for that conversation.”

“You mean the part where Kitty outed your little crush?”

His face turns crimson, and he looks away. “I wouldn’t exactly call it a crush.”

“Oh?” I take a step closer, smirking. “What would you call it then?”

Min Ho doesn’t answer right away. Instead, he shifts uncomfortably, his fingers drumming against his leg. Finally, he sighs, his usual cocky demeanor slipping just a little.

“Okay, fine. Maybe it’s a crush. I don’t know… I’m not good at this stuff.”

“This stuff?” I ask, raising an eyebrow. “You mean, liking someone?”

“Yeah.” He shrugs. “I’m not really… experienced when it comes to serious feelings.”

I laugh softly, a little in disbelief. “Seriously? Min Ho, you’re always so confident. I figured this would be easy for you.”

He looks at me, his eyes soft but uncertain. “Yeah, well, not everything comes easy. Especially when it’s you.”

My breath catches. I’ve known Min Ho for a while, but the way he’s looking at me now—like I’m the only thing in the world—makes my stomach do flips.

“So… what now?” I ask, trying to play it cool even though my heart’s racing.

Min Ho steps closer, his gaze never leaving mine. “Now, I don’t know. Maybe… maybe I can try this whole thing out. If you want.”

I bite my lip, then smile. “I think I could go for that.”

Min Ho grins, his confidence returning in full force. “Good. Because I’m not backing down now.”

I laugh, a little nervous but mostly excited. The space between us closes just a little more as Min Ho reaches up, his hand gently cupping my cheek. His thumb strokes my skin softly as his gaze flickers down to my lips, then back to my eyes, searching for permission.

I don’t say anything. I just lean in, closing the distance myself, feeling his breath mix with mine. And when our lips finally meet, it’s soft at first—tentative, like neither of us is quite sure what comes next. But then Min Ho pulls me closer, his other hand resting on my back, deepening the kiss, and it feels like everything around us fades away.

And then–whistle

From behind us, a loud cheer erupts.

“Yesss! Finally!”

I pull back, both of us startled, but when I turn around, I see the entire group–Dae, Q, Kitty, Yuri and Juliana–all standing at the window, cheering and clapping.

“Oh my god, you guys are so in love” Kitty calls out, grinning from ear to ear.

I bury my face in my hands, mortified, but Min Ho just laughs. “Guess we’re really trying this then, huh?”

I laugh too, feeling a rush of warmth flood my chest. “Guess so”.

He looks at me, his smile a little shy now, but there’s something else in his eyes–something that tells me this is just the beginning. “So… does this mean we’re a thing now?”

I grin “I think so”.

And with that, I let myself sink into the moment. With him, with all of them. The teasing, the awkwardness, the uncertainty–it’s all worth it for this feeling right now

[scary-noodlesblog]

EJ nsfw alphabet?? Please 🥺

I gotchu bestie 💙 I am also a simp for the demon man

Eyeless Jack NSFW Alphabet

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

Hes the best at aftercare, always making sure his partner is okay, if they're hungry or thirsty. Or if they're hurt from his teeth or claws. If his partner is hurt, he will feel so guilty, apologize profusely and patch them up.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

EJ is an ass man, well, hips, thighs and ass man. He loves that whole section. His favorite body part of his is his mouth. He likes to mark up his partner with bites, licks and kisses

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

9 times out of 10 he is cumming inside his partner, male or female. If his partner is a AMAB, EJ is not a spitter either. If his partner is AFAB, he's gonna be determined to make her squirt

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

EJ wants to do a doctor/patient roleplay or doctor/nurse roleplay with his partner, so fucking bad

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

As mentioned in my Juno x EJ NSFW Alphabet, he's has 3 sexual partners as a human, but none since becoming Eyeless Jack. So hes not inexperienced but hes not very experienced.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

He has two, mating press (obviously) and doggy style. He likes watching the fat of his partner's ass jiggle in doggy style. I dont even need to explain the mating press.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

EJ is oh so serious. He is very rarely goofy during sex, he's the type to take it pretty seriously.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

EJ likes it natural, but trimmed. However, he can survive if his partner wants him to go bald down there he absolutely will for his partner.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

He can be very romantic, when he wants to be, or when its asked of him. Candles, flowers, oils, he can go all out.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

EJ will jerk off to or with his partner's underwear and shamelessly cum on them. Most of the time its the dirty ones from his partner's hamper...most of the time...

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

Biting kink, breeding kink, size kink, and many more 😏

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

Mostly his or his partner's rooms, or their bathrooms. If him and his partner dont live together then hes okay with any room in his partner's house where they are alone. In the Slendermansion he's also okay with it in the infirmary. Or the woods. Just somewhere mostly private

M=Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

I have headcannoned before that EJ gets turned on by his partner eating meat, specifically off a bone. The smell of his partner's arousal is also a heavy turn on

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

No scat or piss play, i also feel like CNC would make him uncomfortable. Other than thst i feel like hes pretty willing

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

Loves to give oral, will happily do it for hours as long as his partner will let him. Prefers to give rather than receive but won't complain if his partner wants to give him a blowjob, but hes big so hes cautious about gagging

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

EJ can be both. Sometimes its hard for him to not just absolutely rail his partner if they want it slow but he can restrain himself if thats what they want.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

Not the biggest fan, but EJ wouldn't mind having one. He'd much rather just wait until he can take his time

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

EJ likes to experiment, he likes to keep his sex life interesting. He might research some things and ask his partner if they would be willing to try it out just once

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

EJ can easily go 5+ rounds at once. Hell, he can go a dozen at least in a day if he wanted to. Its all what his partner can handle in that aspect.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

He didnt have any before his partner came around. But if his partner wants some, he is willing to use them on his partner, and hes more than okay with his partner using them themselves if he is out on a mission or something, but he probably wont use them on himself

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

Arguably the biggest tease, very much likes his partner to tell him what they want him to do

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

Hes not super loud but is vocal. He likes to dirty talk to his partner. Besides that he will growl, snarl, groan, and grunt. He also whimpers when hes in heat

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

EJ will take his anger out on his partner. After a bad or stressful day his partner can expect to have their holes absolutely fucking destroyed or massaged in the best way possible. There is no in between.

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

This boi is big. EJ is packing 9 inches long and about 2 inches thick. It has a slight curve upwards with a gray shaft and a darker gray tip. Its also slightly veiny with a couple prominent ones running from base to tip.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

His sex drive is pretty average except for when hes in heat. Twice a year around the end of spring and fall he goes into heat, where all he is doing is getting off.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

He always stays awake until his partner falls asleep. Once his partner is asleep, peaceful and content, then he will sleep, cuddling up to them happily

Thank you anon for the request! 💙

[k1mbe3rly]

Hey queen you should totally do myung gi nsfw alphabet if you haven’t already also ur funny 😜😜

Myung gi NSFW alphabet

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

he becomes very caring and very gentle, he cleans you off and if your able to move than he’ll help you shower

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

his favorite body part about you is your neck, he loves to nuzzle his head into there and inhale your scene, and leave hickeys all over it as well

his favorite body part about himself is probably his fingers just because he fingers you reallyyy good, and his fingers are long

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

He doesn’t care where he cums just as long as he does, if you let him cum inside even better but sometimes he loves to see his ropes of cum land on your ass

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

A dirty secret about him is wanting to try pegging

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

He’s experienced, obviously since he used to date Jun hee, but over all he knows what he’s doing

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

His favorite position is definitely doggy style, he loves to see the way his hips crash into your ass and the way it just moves as well

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

He does get nervous and says a joke or tries to make things funny but the moment he’s inside you he’s done for, he gets serious

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

He shaves but not often

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

He’s very into the moment and if he going rough and sees your struggling to handle it he’ll stroke your hair a bit

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

He jacks off, not often but reasonable times

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

He doesn’t have any, he just likes degrading and praising

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

Anywhere in the house

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

You in general, or when he sees you laying there after he got done screaming about crypto to his computer

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

anything that would hurt you extreme

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

He mainly eats you out often at least everytime before yall fuck but he does really love when you suck him off

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

Kinda depends on his mood, if he’s mad than rough, if he’s not really like feeling anything just horny than it’s a mix, he’ll go rough than gentle than rough

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

He does do quickies and not that often but mainly when yall are in public and he gets jealous

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

He gets really nervous about it and does try to keep you down, but if he really wants it he doesn’t gaf, he just wants to be inside of you

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

at most 3-4 rounds

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

no toys

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

he does tease every now and than but not often

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

if he top than just groans and growls, but if he’s bottom than he does whine out, whimpers and low moans

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

he’s most likely to order a strap on

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

I’ll say about 6 inches at most, 6.5 when he’s hard

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

it’s medium wage, but there is times where he can go on and on and on

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards

not long after he finished taking care of you and making sure your okay, but if you don’t fall asleep nethier does he

[trashfangirlsworld]

Hello! I've been inactive due to the current events in the mcyt community, but I've been keeping up with the qsmp admin situation and I thought I'd share some opinions because the amount of doomposting I've seen the last few weeks has been more than I've seen in any fandom in a while and I feel like it's reached the point where people really need to chill the fuck out because they're not thinking straight and actively not helping. Everything I'm gonna say is based on stuff I've seen on both tumblr and twitter.

they should not promote/release merch! : one of the things that baffles me the most tbh; how do you expect any employee to be payed then? Merch is so far the only big source of income for the server besides q's own cc salary or whatever income they get through the official qsmp channel on twitch and youtube (which I don't think is a lot). "I get that they said they have no funds, but still it doesn't feel right"... sorry but at this point I don't know what to tell you, do you expect them to pull money out of their asses? You can't demand that they stop making merch and then complain that they can't afford the twitter admins at the same time. If you don't feel comfortable buying anything from them it's fine obviously, but if your reason for it is that you're helping the admins then I have bad news for you. I have seen people propose that quackity sets up a patreon, and while I think it would be a good idea, I understand why he's not doing it, since with the merch he can at least give something back to the people that choose to support his project instead of people just giving him money for free, especially with what's happening now. Also with how much hate he's been receiving simply for the merch I can't imagine that a patreon would be recieved well.

we don't know if the money is going to the admins/ they should not use pomme's likeness! : the money is definitely going to go to the employees and admins because otherwise the server would not last. And as much as I understand people feeling protective over pomme's admin, quackity studios is very much allowed to sell merch of the character because it is not the likeness of the admin, it's a minecraft model made by the people that work there. Would you have rathered they skip her character entirely? Do you really think that would have been okay?. Also correct me if I'm wrong, but I've seen posts and tweets saying that pomme's admin has been confirmed to come back with the other eggs whenever it happens by pierre, who talked with her admin.

the admins of the update accounts got fired, it means they want to fire everyone, they aren't making things better! : it sucks that the updates accounts had to end and I feel bad for every twitter admin that clearly cared a lot about the project, but unfortunately it had to happen if there simply isn't enough money to pay them adequately like they deserved and ultimately the update accounts were not essential to keep the project going, so it makes sense that they were let go unfortunately. This is not gonna be the case for the egg admins because if they got fired (which they didn't), the server would basically end. Just because a cc does not know when they will be back does not mean it's not gonna happen. Just because tubbo randomly said that he's not sure if they will be back does not mean they were fired; tubbo is normally not a reliable source of information, even less so when he's been live nonstop for the past 20 days, which is prior to everything happening. If you genuinely didn't expect a reduction in non essential staff considering everything, then you have unreasonable expectations on how this stuff goes. As I write this, I'm seeing people saying that "they would understand this decision if q had set up a patreon to pay the admins", and once again I don't understand how people don't realize why quackity might not be keen on the idea of having his fans pay his own employees for his own project instead of, you know, doing it himself; and, again, do not fool yourself into thinking it would be recieved well. That being said, it's fair to criticize how everything was communicated to the admins, but I'll get to this in more detail later.

quackity should not have uninstalled social media, he's trying to avoid everything! : he's not avoiding anything, he's been off social media for a while now, which is why it took him that long to remove wilbur from the server. He has every right to not want to look at social media, as his focus should be on restructuring his server instead of doomscrolling on twitter because people think he needs to see how much people dislike him. The only people that he should talk to are those that have important information to tell him, like josè with the document. He explicitly said on stream where to contact him if you have helpful information and I'm sure that despite multiple well liked posts saying not to spam his email, people are definitely doing it anyway, which is probably gonna slow the whole thing down even more. I hope josè's document is able to be seen with pierre's help as well.

quackity studios is not communicating with their employees and leaving them in the dark and that's not okay : I agree with this. i think a huge chunk of doomposting lately has been due the lack of communication not with the audience, but with the admins, and they deserve to know what is happening behind the scenes more then us since this is about their current or future job.... that being said, I do kind of understand why they're being so secretive and shutting everyone out, and that's due to all the "leaks" that have been spread online. I understand the anger but I really wish some people would realize that discussing leaked bts lore stuff in ccs discord servers does not help the situation at all and instead makes it seem like they're only doing this to rile up the fandom against quackity studios by using the lore of people's fav characters.

At the end of the day, I think people just aren't used to dealing with a situation that does not have a clear cut solution and someone to clearly hate, so the result is this doomposting and the over aggressiveness toward anything related to the project. Personally, I haven't witnessed anything that made me lose faith in the qsmp like some people have been saying, as every change that we've seen so far coincides with what quackity said on stream a while ago. I only wish things were communicated properly to the admins clearly, as they're the ones most affected, so I hope that's resolved soon. Ultimately quackity is singlehandedly restructuring the server from basically zero, has had to fire people that were misusing money and power and, depending on what josè's document said, is probably gonna have to fire some more. This is not an easy process, nor a quick one, you're not gonna hear about sunshine and rainbows for a while and doomposting about everything you hear because you expected quick change is useless. Think before you speak, have a clear head and most importantly have empathy.

[beeeeandpuppycat]

That Leon s(lut) Kennedy smut alph I promised (I forgot so it took me months >:[)

A= Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

No in-between he's either leaving you in bed alone to go work or your gonna wake up snuggled in two strong arms pushed against his chest

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

Belly!I can imagine him nuzzling his face into his partners belly in a tired manner after he had a long day

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

ALOT I mean I can imagine he doesn't do it that often so it comes out in one big go! Like doing it on ur face even if he acts embarrassed

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

Has a bunch of old shitty porn comics under his bed cause he's too embarrassed to actually buy more

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

In-between I mean he's good but considering he doesn't so it much he isn't the best in the world. Still makes the best effort ♡

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

LAP . You sitting on his lap with ur back facing him. His arms wrapped round you for support and his face down in the crook of your neck.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

He's usually serious himself. Most the time your more goofy seeing this strong man all blush and flustered. Ending with some lil jokes

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

He's pretty well groomed ? I mean look in the future he dyes his hair and everything. Straight and a pale blonde. A pretty sight to the eyes!

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

He's a cutie. ^^ not necessarily words of passion or even insults he's usually quiet. But romantic where he holds your waist as tight as possible making sure your as close as you can be.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

Does it all secretly cause I know he'd be embarrassed about it . Taking more precautions then he should. Tho at some point he got too pent up and had to do it in some dirty club bathroom :/ (poor leon)

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

Praise kink ! More partner complimenting him. It feels nice knowing they really appreciate him. Plus size kink! Both ways. When his partner is taller or shorter. Either way he's getting flustered

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

He prefers in the safety of his own home. Hotel rooms mostly places you guys can't be caught . He enjoys the adrenaline but he rather not be seen with his dick out

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

Simple touch. Something like a little glance to just your fingers touching when you pass him a pen. The simple jump of his heart when acts like that happen makes this man happy.

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

Anything with another person. Even if you would ask he'd end up being uncomfortable

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

Receiving.! Of course he tries to give.. but most the time it's not overly good? And he likes the view of seeing you between his thighs.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

Depends. Most the time nice and slow. Taking rather deep thrust each time to savor it. If you guys haven't done it in a long time due to him leaving etc? As fast as he can. Most the time it ends with his hips hurting.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

Not a fan! If your not gonna take your time and enjoy it what's the point of even doing it? He might if it's before he's going on a long trip

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

Yeah! But his partner would have to bring it up. Or else he doesn't really get put his comfort zone

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

BIG. Big stamina(just like his dic-) what do you expect? Look at this man's muscles. I just know he's able to do it long enough till their partner turns to a rag doll

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

No>:[ tho poor guy was rather embarrassed when he came home to see his partner using one on themselves. Atleast he knows your not lonely when he's gone? Can't imagine him really using them on himself more his partner.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

Usually he's the one being teased. Tho don't take it too far- it would end with him getting pent up and just doing it himself. (Head down ass up)

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

Quiet. Small little groups and deep breaths on in a while. Long pants- and occasionally whimpers if you reallyyyy try!

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

At some point when he rent to work he kept seeing this group of cats. It became his routine to bring snacks for them on his way to work! Tho at some point the lil meow meows disappeared. Everything he goes to work he still looks around wondering if they came back

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

Just a little bit above average ! Pale with a pretty bubble gum tip and a lil vein going down the bottom. A slight curve in the middle.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

Not all that high. At some point he became used to not having sex. Tho- after getting with you it definitely became higher.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

Silly man falls right asleep. He doesn't really know when to stop so it ends with him just passing himself out at the end

Finally did it!!