#and I'm not gonna force somebody to be in an open relationship if they don't want it

[bittsandpieces]

seeing your face for the first time since following. how can you be single? you're so beautiful!! What horrible tragedy is this?!

okay just to be clear, I'm single because I broke up with my boyfriend in July and I have high standards (aka the bare minimum) that the fools around here arent even close to meeting. I would like to not be single, but there aren't very many queer people up here and I'm tired of dating cishet men

[enhani-ki]

fuckboy!ni-ki x reader

warnings : smut, nsfw, cursing, mentions of killing, etc.

read part two

✶ fuckboy!ni-ki likes to lie and waste time.

a game player, smooth talker, and a liar when it suited him.

ni-ki knew exactly what to say to get what he wanted. he'd tell a girl she was the only one, that she was special, that he couldn't stop thinking about her, only to turn around and send the same message to someone else.

when he got what he wanted? he gets bored.

it was always the same: a few weeks, maybe a month if they were lucky, then he'd just start pulling away. no more sweet words, no more playful texts, it's dry responses and distance until they finally took the hint.

girls will cry, get angry, some even tried to plot revenge... but ni-ki? he never felt guilty.

✶ fuckboy!ni-ki doesn't believe in love.

he won't date and won't do relationships. he wasn't interested doing those late-night calls or good-morning texts, and the thought of commitment made him want to laugh.

he just likes a little flirting, a little fun, love songs, fucking then moving on before things got too serious.

they liked the chase, thinking they could be the one to change him, and the idea of being the exception.

but there are no exceptions. he'd rather catch a body than catch feelings for somebody he barely knows.

ni-ki was always clear about what he wanted, even if they refused to believe him.

✶ fuckboy!ni-ki was impatient.

he's leaning against the wall with his arms crossed, and tight jaw. his fuck buddy is late and he hates waiting. it's not his style to sit around for anyone.

he sighed, running a hand through his hair. then, he spotted a familiar silhouette approaching.

finally.

and without hesitation, he reached out, grabbed your wrist, and pulled you into the shadows.

"you took your sweet time." he muttered, his lips already brushing against your ear. "i should make you pay for making me wait, don't you think?" then ni-ki started talking dirty.

your body stiffened in his grasp.

ni-ki smirked. he loves it when someone gets shy because of him but something was off.

there's no giggle or eager hands slipping on his body... only silence.

ni-ki pulled back, his eyes locked on your wide, terrified eyes.

you're a face he had never seen before.

"who the fuck are you?!" he blurted out.

"i- i'm sorry!" you stammered, breathing heavily in shock.

ni-ki's mouth opened to say something but before he could, you ran away, you ran so fast that your belongings spilled onto the floor in your rush to escape.

ni-ki cursed under his breath, running a hand down his face.

fuck.

not only he's not gonna have sex but he also accidentally just harassed a complete stranger.

✶ fuckboy!ni-ki got mad, completely ghosting and blocked his fuck buddy's number.

✶ fuckboy!ni-ki wasn't the type to dwell on things. if he ever made a mistake, he moved on. he's that simple.

but what happened with you? that bothered him.

maybe it was the way your eyes looked at him, it was pure fear, like he was some kind of monster... or maybe it was because he had never been the kind of guy to force himself onto someone.

he's cocky, sure. shameless, absolutely. but he never needed to resort to shit like that and now, he just left a random girl traumatized.

great.

ni-ki took your abandoned things from his bag, staring at them in irritation. he could've just tossed this somewhere and let you deal with it but it's the least he could do, right?

he looked for you everywhere and when he finally spotted you walking down the hall, he didn't hesitate to approach.

"hey."

your body stiffened instantly when you saw him, you gulped and turned, ready to leave.

ni-ki rolled his eyes and reached out, catching your wrist before you could escape. "relax," he sighed. "i'm just here to give you these…"

you hesitated but quickly grabbed your things and muttered, "thanks."

he let go but he's also expecting you to run again and he's not letting you off easily.

his fingers wrapped around your wrist again, "i'm not done..." he said. "why are you in such a hurry?"

"i gotta go…"

"oh, really?" ni-ki scoffed but released his grip. "fine. look, i'm sorry about earlier. i thought you were someone else."

"your girlfriend?"

ni-ki chuckled, scratching the back of his head. "no, i don't do girlfriends." he teased but it wasn't meant to joke or seduce. "you forgive me?"

you smiled slightly before nodding but then you tilted your head, curious. "...but why would you say something like that to someone who isn't your girlfriend?"

he smirked and leaned in again, so close you could smell his cologne.

"mind your own business, won't you?" he said and walked away.

✶ fuckboy!ni-ki found you at his playground.

parties were all the same. loud music, flashing lights, people pressed up against each other like they forgot what personal space was.

ni-ki was used to it, it's his playground.

he's sitting with his friends. there's a smirk on his face while some girl clung to his arm, twirling her hair and giggling at everything he said even though he wasn't even trying to be funny.

"so, ni-ki..." she purred, leaning in close, "when are we getting out of here?"

ni-ki exhaled, he's not in the mood yet and he's ready to give a half-assed answer until his eyes flickered to the entrance where you walked in.

"huh."

you walked in, looking... insanely good wearing a dress that hugged all the right places that it made ni-ki's fuck boy brain short-circuit for a second.

the girl beside him was still talking but he wasn't listening anymore, his interest became completely derailed.

"wait here..." ni-ki muttered, removing the girl's arms off of him without another word.

she sputtered in protest but ni-ki was already gone, slipping through the crowd, with eyes locked on you.

he "accidentally" bumped into you, almost knocking you off balance then his hands instinctively gripped your waist to steady you.

"wow… you're-"

you covered yourself quickly, you crossed your arms over your chest and sent him a glare before he could even think about finishing that sentence

"what do you want?" you asked, unimpressed.

he blinked, momentarily thrown off.

"nothing." he recovered quickly, slipping his hands into his pockets.

you sighed. "have you seen my friend, f/n?"

ni-ki shook his head. "i have no idea who that is," he replied, then quickly added, "i'll help you look."

his hand landed on your shoulder but you instantly shrugged it. ni-ki scoffed at your unfriendly action, "seriously?" he asked, rolling his eyes but followed anyway, trailing beside you like he's trying to find his friend too.

his eyes kept drifting back to you. the way your hips swayed slightly as you walked, the way your hair swung when you turned your head... it was so distracting and ni-ki found himself grinning.

he was enjoying himself, honestly and he wasn't even gonna try to flirt anymore, he was just already thrilled to be by your side.

you stopped in a less crowded part of the house, scanning the room then you were pulling at your dress subtly, adjusting the hem like you're clearly uncomfortable.

ni-ki clicked his tongue "w- why are you wearing that if you're uncomfortable?"

you turned to him sharply, eyes narrowing. "why do you care?!"

"why are you so mad at me?"

"'cause i don't know what you're trying to do."

"i'm not trying do do anything to you!"

you glared at him again, adjusting your dress.

"tch." ni-ki removed his jacket and threw it at your face.

"what the hell-"

ni-ki rolled his eyes, already regretting being nice. "wear that, idiot."

you hesitated.

he sighed and turned away, "do whatever you want."

you slipped the jacket over your shoulders then ni-ki peeked at you from the corner of his eyes where he saw you practically drowning in his jacket. you looked so tiny in it, he had to bite the inside of his cheek to stop himself from smiling.

you finally spotted your friend near the drinks table, "f/n!" you called out, relieved.

your friend turned with a smile then her eyes immediately widened when she saw who was standing beside you.

"oh. my. God." she gasped, barely even acknowledging you because she's looking at ni-ki.

ni-ki smirked at her reaction, clearly used to it. "hi. what's up?"

you friend actually looked starstruck for a second before shaking herself out of it.

"why are you with him?" she whisper-yelled at you, leaning in like you just brought home a stray cat but the dangerous kind.

"he just helped me find you." you replied and without another word, you grabbed her arm and dragged her towards the exit.

"bye, ni-ki!" your friend waved at him.

ni-ki chuckled, grinning while watching the two of you rush off.

as soon as you and your friend stepped outside, she immediately started her interrogation with gleaming eyes.

"okay," she breathed, grabbing your shoulders. "do you know how many girls would kill to be in your position?!"

you groaned. "it's not what you think!"

she gasped, dramatically covering her mouth. "wait… did you do it?"

you blinked. "what do you mean by it?"

she wiggled her eyebrows and giggled, playfully slapping your arm. "you know what I mean~"

you eyes widened in disgust. "i would never do it with anyone!"

she laughed as you pushed her lightly, still giggling like a schoolgirl.

"okay, okay, i believe you..." she teased. "but still, damn. ni-ki even gave you his jacket?"

she said, snatching the sleeve of the jacket and sniffed it.

you grabbed it back.

she gasped dramatically, pressing a hand to her chest. "it smells expensive… sexy, actually."

you gave her a disgusted look again and tightened the jacket around you, trying to ignore the fact that, yeah, it did smell good.

"don't get so weird about this." you warned.

she only laughed, linking her arm through yours. "now tell me more about you and ni-ki."

"there is no me and ni-ki!"

✶ fuckboy!ni-ki suddenly wants to prove that he wasn't actually the asshole you thought he was but ended messing it up.

he told himself it was over. he gave back your stuff, apologized (which, honestly, he never did for anyone), even gave you his jacket, and that should've been the end of it.

he tried not to be pushy 'cause he knew better now, but he still found ways to be around you. if he saw you at school, he'd just give a casual nod. if you were in the cafeteria, he'd sit nearby, pretending it was a coincidence. and if you caught him looking, you'd glare and he would quickly look away.

he was used to people chasing him, used to girls who always wants something from him, not someone who wanted nothing to do with him. and when you made it clear, he said "you really think the worst of me, huh?"

you crossed your arms. "can you blame me?"

ni-ki huffed a laugh. "i don't even do shit to you."

but then, you might just be playing hard to get, right?

he smirked, grabbing your phone and held it high.

"ni-ki, i swear- give it back!"

you jumped, reaching for it, but he was way taller. he tilted his head, watching you struggle, and then...

fuck it.

because he's ni-ki, he's reckless, stupid and didn't think things through... he kissed you.

it was quick, barely even a brush of lips.

he pulled back, expecting a reaction, but not the one he got.

your face twisted in disbelief before you hit him.

you smacked his chest repeatedly, pushing him, "what is wrong with you?! that was my first kiss, stupid!"

ni-ki's eyes widened. "wait- what? seriously?"

you fought back your tears, shoving him one last time before storming off. "don't talk to me ever again!"

✶ fuckboy!ni-ki is doing something completely out of character.

he didn't plan to kiss you. it just happened like some dumb, impulsive thought he acted on before his brain could catch up.

he wanted to reach out but what the hell was he even supposed to say?

"hey, my bad for stealing your first kiss lol?"

"i didn't think it'd be that big of a deal."

"wait, you really never kissed anyone before?"

shit, no. that was all dumb as hell.

for the next few days, ni-ki is not being himself.

he forgot his usual girls, he hadn't even been with anyone ever since he met you.

"dude, what's up with you?" one of his friends asked.

ni-ki just shrugged, flipping his phone in his hands. "nothing."

you were avoiding him like he was some virus. you look the other way when he walked past or really refusing to even glance in his direction.

so, fine. he swallowed his pride and showed up at your house.

you opened the door, immediately frowning when you saw him. "what do you want?"

ni-ki exhaled, rubbing the back of his neck.

"i'm sorry, alright?" he said quickly. "i was being an idiot, i didn't think, and..."

"you're apologizing?"

ni-ki groaned, shoving his hands in his pockets. "yeah..."

you crossed your arms, unimpressed. "took you long enough."

he sighed, stepping closer. "i didn't know it was your first kiss..."

you rolled your eyes, "whatever."

then ni-ki hugged you.

you gasped, trying to make him let go. "what- what are you doing?!"

ni-ki just chuckled, resting his chin on your shoulder. "saying sorry?"

"by hugging me?!"

"would you rather i kiss you again?"

"ABSOLUTELY NOT!"

he laughed again, pulling back slightly to look at your flustered expression.

you scowled. "you're such a pervert."

his smirk returned, teasing. "you liked being hugged though."

you smacked his chest hard. "GO HOME, NI-KI."

he grinned, backing away "but we're good now, right?"

you didn't answer, just slammed the door in his face.

ni-ki chuckled to himself, breathing in relief as he walked away.

✶ fuckboy!ni-ki is trying his best to please you... and hold himself back from being a fuck boy.

ni-ki has a serious problem. these days, he found himself doing things that were completely out of character.

like waiting outside your classroom when he swore he was just going to pass by, remembering your usual order at the café near school and handing it to you in front of everyone like it was no big deal, then making sure you got home safe after study sessions.

he wasn't even trying to get anything out of it because for once in his life, he actually wanted to do things the right way. he wanted to get a girlfr- girl friend. a friend that's a girl. that's all.

totally normal. nothing weird.

but it's so frustrating because you weren't even making it easy for him.

you still roll your eyes at him when he tried to be nice. you still gave him unimpressed looks when he offered to carry your things. and the other day, when he casually said you looked cute, you hit him with a deadpan, "what do you want?"

like, damn. he was actually trying here.

then… you'll also do things that completely messed him up.

your cheeks puff out whenever you concentrate, making him desperately want to bite them.

or how we would notice your tits slightly jiggle and move whenever you're running or simply writing. suddenly, he would have to leave the room for fresh air.

when you got mad at him, all fiery and stubborn, he had the worst urge to just shut you up, not in a way that was appropriate for a friend.

ni-ki groaned, running a hand down his face.

his first thought?

"God, i wanna touch."

his second thought?

"i need help."

you left something at school. suddenly, he showed up at your door, handing your things back along with a bottle of your favorite drink.

you looked at him confused, ni-ki rolled his eyes, pushing the bag into your hands.

"you… bought this for me?"

"don't be weird!" he grumbled, rubbing the back of his neck. "just take it."

you stared at him for a long moment before stepping aside. "you wanna come in?"

ni-ki shook his head, he knew himself. he knew that the second he got too comfortable, his usual instincts would kick in... he would start flirting, the way he always found a way to get what he wanted.

instead of smirking and stepping inside like he usually would, he just shoved his hands in his pockets, exhaling.

"nah," he said. "i'll just see you tomorrow, okay?"

a small smile formed at your lips. "thanks, ni-ki."

he turned away quickly, waving a hand over his shoulder while his heart raced so fast. "welcome."

✶ fuckboy!ni-ki can't figure out if you're just a damsel in distress or actually bossing him around

ni-ki likes to think he's a pretty capable guy. he's used to girls needing him for things... carrying their bags, opening their drinks, giving them rides home. he didn't mind. it boosted his ego.

but every time you asked for his help, he couldn't tell if you were actually helpless or if you're just treating him like some personal assistant.

you handed him your backpack without a word while texting on your phone.

ni-ki blinked. "uh… am i supposed to carry this?"

"yeah." you replied without even looking at him.

"…please?"

you gave him a look. "i could say please, but you're already holding it."

then later you stared at a vending machine like it had personally offended you.

"what, it didn't give you your snack?"

"no..." you huffed, crossing your arms. "it won't take my bill."

ni-ki sighed, pulling out his own money and sliding in a new bill. the machine beeped, and he pressed your selection.

then the snack dropped, you grabbed it, turned on your heel, and walked away.

the way you pouted when you struggled with something, how your brows furrowed in concentration, the tiny pleased smile you gave when things worked out in your favor... it pleased him too.

so when you showed up next to him one day, shaking your phone with an exaggerated sigh, ni-ki already knew what was coming.

"my phone is dead," you said.

he smiled "finally."

you glared, "give me your charger."

ni-ki scoffed in disbelief. "you don't even pretend to be polite anymore!"

you pouted. "please?"

his eye twitched. you're so annoying. cute but mostly annoying.

ni-ki pulled out his charger and handed it to you. "i swear, don't lose it."

"i never lose things." you said, already plugging it in.

"liar." he shook his head. "you lost your AirPods case last week."

you laughed and waved him off. "that was one time."

ni-ki smiled, he felt that stupid warmth creep up his neck again when he heard your laugh.

✶ fuckboy!ni-ki asked you to work out with him.

you regret this.

you had never worked out before but when ni-ki said, "come on, i'll go easy on you." you refused to back down.

big mistake.

now, here you are, struggling to breathe properly while ni-ki, just finished another set of weights, stood there looking like some Greek god.

sweat clung to his skin, his black shirt sticking slightly to his toned torso. his hair was pushed back from his forehead and sharp jawline got even more defined.

you gulped.

then he caught you staring. his lips curled into a grin. "like what you see?"

you quickly looked away. "shut up."

he only laughed.

later, back in your room, you are dying.

your muscles ached in places you didn't even know existed. you lay on your bed, groaning while ni-ki sat next to you, arms crossed.

"you're overreacting." he said.

"you tricked me," you accused. "you said you'd go easy."

"i did!" he defended, snickering.

you groaned again, moving slightly only to wince at the soreness in your legs.

ni-ki smiled. "want a massage?"

you looked at him. "you give massages?"

he smirked. "i'm really good with my hands."

you squinted and he laughed. ni-ki began to straddle your back, hands pressing into your tense shoulders.

the moment he started kneading your muscles, your body melted.

"oh… that's so good…" you whispered, voice airy.

ni-ki chuckled. "i am good, huh?"

"ah, ye- yeah, it feels so good." you mumbled, already slipping into a relaxed haze.

ni-ki's hands stilled for a second.

your voice sounded… weirdly suggestive.

he bit back a laugh. he knew you were just tired, but hearing you say that in such a soft, breathy tone? hmm.

he kept massaging, feeling the tension slowly leave your body. it wasn't long before your breathing evened out.

"…did you just fall asleep?" he muttered.

silence.

ni-ki shook his head, you looked so peaceful, face slightly turned to the side, lips were slightly parted.

his eyes trailed to your exposed neck, heart pounding while reaching out to gently brush your hair aside.

and before he could stop himself, he leaned in, pressing soft, featherlight kisses along the curve of your nape up to your neck.

your body reacted on instinct, tilting slightly, like giving him more access.

a soft, sleepy moan escaped your lips.

ni-ki's eyes widened, heart slamming against his ribs.

"…a- are you awake?" he asked.

silence.

panic surged through him. he quickly grabbed the blanket and draped it over you, standing up so fast he nearly tripped.

ni-ki ran home and the second his front door swung open, he stumbled inside, slamming it shut behind him. his fingers went straight to the waistband of his sweatpants, tugging at it while his mind still clouded with you.

the soft moan you let out, the way your body naturally tilted into his touch, the warmth of your skin beneath his lips.

his jaw clenched as he glanced down at his cock, his sweatpants doing a poor job at hiding the evidence of just how badly he was losing control.

ni-ki groaned, balling his fists, fighting the instinct to just take care of it.

he grabbed his phone, scrolling through his contacts.

the phone barely rang before a familiar, flirty voice answered.

"hey, ni-"

"how fast can you get here?"

the girl on the other end giggled. "mhm, about 30, 40 minutes-"

click. that's too late.

ni-ki exhaled sharply, tossing his phone onto his bed. his hand ran through his hair, feeling the frustration throughout his body. he pulled his sweatpants back up, shaking off the temptation.

and even though he had just worked out, he grabbed another set of weights and dropped to the floor, blasting music at full volume.

push-ups. sit-ups. anything to burn the tension off.

✶ fuckboy!ni-ki looked like shit the next day.

you burst out laughing the moment you saw him.

he looked rough. dark circles under his eyes, hair a mess, slouched in his chair like he barely made it out of bed.

"what happened to you?" you grinned, poking his arm.

ni-ki groaned, brushing you off. "it's your fault."

"wha- my fault? what did i do?"

he turned his head away, eyes shutting like he couldn't even look at you right now. "just… drop it."

you leaned in, pushing him playfully. "come on, tell meee." you pouted. "fine, then at least let me make it up to you! what can I do?"

ni-ki scoffed, tilting his head back against the chair. "there's nothing you can do."

when class ended and you followed him towards the gym storage room.

"ni-ki!" you called, slipping inside right behind him.

he turned around just as the door slammed shut. the click of the lock echoed through the small space.

"…are you kidding me?" ni-ki muttered.

you tried the handle. locked.

ni-ki groaned, he sat and started rubbing his face. "i really don't have the energy for this right now."

you stepped in front of him, with hands on your hips. "you seriously won't tell me what's wrong?"

and instead of answering, ni-ki suddenly reached out, gripping your waist and pulling you close.

you froze as he rested his head against your stomach, arms wrapped around you.

"just shut up, will you?" he murmured, voice muffled against your shirt.

you brought your hand to his hair, your fingers brushing the strands. you began to comb through them slowly, your touch gentle and rhythmic.

his body relaxed against you, the tension in his grip softening. ni-ki hummed.

you began to smile while playing with his hair, twirling a few strands between your fingers before smoothing them out.

it's sweet... but your legs were starting to ache.

"okay... maybe just a little longer." you thought, shifting your weight slightly to ease the pressure on your feet.

ni-ki didn't move. if anything, his grip on your hips tightened, like a sleepy child clutching a favorite pillow.

your legs began to tremble faintly, you hoped ni-ki would notice.

but nothing, he was like a cat curled up in the perfect sunbeam.

you sighed quietly, glancing down at him. your hands still in his hair as you debated your options. "maybe if i lean a little, he'll..."

ni-ki let out a low hum, his grip loosening just slightly as he shifted his head. for a split second, you thought your prayer had been answered, until he wrapped his arms fully around your waist, pulling you down to his lap.

"ni-ki!" you hissed, barely catching yourself with your hands as you stumble forward.

his eyes cracked open, a sleepy smirk tugging at his lips. "why are you so tense?"

"because you're treating me like a body pillow!"

"you're comfy."

you groaned, glaring at the top of his head. ni-ki added "you should've leave me alone." the smirk of his returned as his arms tightened around you once more.

"you know..." he began, "let's just skip class, you wanna sleep with me?"

your eyes widened, your brain short-circuiting at his words. "wha-what do you mean sleep with you?" you stuttered, leaning back instinctively.

ni-ki flicked your forehead lightly, his smirk growing. "not like that, you idiot." he said, shaking his head in disbelief. "i meant just sleeping. me, you, sleeping here. eyes closed. that's it."

you laughed awkwardly. "right..."

✶ fuckboy!ni-ki realized that he doesn't want to be your friend.

ni-ki got annoyed the second you started talking about jungwon. he had just introduced him but he noticed the way your eyes stared at his friend.

ni-ki subtly stepped in front of your view, blocking jungwon from your sight.

"hey! move!" you hissed, trying to peer around him.

and instead of budging, ni-ki covered your eyes with his hands.

"what the?!" you immediately grabbed at his wrists, struggling.

he kept his hands firmly in place, waiting until his jungwon hyung was completely out of sight.

and when he finally let go, you blinked, looking around. "where is he?"

ni-ki smirked. "i killed him."

you smacked his arm.

later, he was sitting on his bed while you lounged across from him, "he was really nice," you said, kicking your feet. "and kinda cute too, like a cat don't you think?"

"who do you like better, me or him?"

you blinked, confused. "what kind of question is that?"

"just answer."

"i like you," you said casually. "as my friend."

ni-ki scoffed. maybe he did want to be your friend before but that isn't the case anymore.

"i'm not your friend."

"yes, you are."

ni-ki grabbed your face with both hands, tilting your head up before slamming his lips onto yours, aggressively like he was trying to erase every thought you had of jungwon. "friends don't do this."

rough and desperate, his fingers pressed into your cheeks as he devoured your mouth, refusing to let you breathe while angling your head exactly how he wanted..

you gripped his shoulders, a muffled gasp escaping your lips as he deepened the kiss.

but ni-ki wasn't just kissing you, he was already claiming you.

he groaned against your lips, hands sliding to the back of your neck. holding you in place like he didn't want you slipping away and the second your lips parted slightly, he will deepen the kiss even more, biting at your bottom lip like he wanted to ruin you.

and when ni-ki finally pulled away, his lips were already swollen.

"you were saying?" ni-ki muttered, still holding your face.

you stared at him, breathless, lips tingling.

"…huh?"

he smirked, wiping his thumb over your lower lip before leaning in again.

"that's what i thought."

✶ fuckboy!ni-ki can't keep his hands off you.

you used to slap his hands away.

his arm over your shoulder? gone.

sneaking his hands around your waist? not happening.

grabbing your wrist to pull you closer? absolutely not.

but after the kiss, you started letting him and ni-ki noticed... of course, he did.

the first time you didn't push him away when he rested an arm around your shoulders, he almost did a double take.

you also didn't immediately escape when he pulled you onto his lap and when he linked his fingers with yours? he was expecting you to smack his hands, but you didn't.

"you're getting too comfortable," you muttered, feeling the warmth of his palm against yours.

ni-ki only smirked, giving your hand a squeeze.

"you're spoiling me, you know." he murmured against your ear, his breath sending a shiver down your spine. "if you keep this up, i'll start thinking you actually like me."

you scoffed, pushing his face half-heartedly.

ni-ki chuckled, leaning in like he was about to kiss you again. you froze, expecting the warmth of his lips- but he only brushed his nose against yours.

he pulled back, satisfied at the way you reacted. "see?"

your cheeks burned, frustration bubbling in your chest. you freed yourself from his grip and walked away, annoyed.

ni-ki watched you go with amusement. "where are you going?"

"far away from you."

✶ fuckboy!ni-ki ready to be yours.

"go put on a nice dress." ni-ki said over the phone.

you raised a brow. "why?"

he grinned. "because we're going to a restaurant."

you narrowed your eyes. "we are?"

"yeah." replied. "i made a reservation."

you got ready anyway. and when you stepped out in your dress, ni-ki scanned you up and down, "pretty." he murmured, before grabbing your hand and leading you outside.

before you both enter the restaurant, he suddenly intertwined his fingers with yours, "this is a date, okay?" he said, watching your reaction.

you blinked, caught off guard. "a what?"

ni-ki just grinned and dragged you inside.

your eyes widened as you looked around the table. all your favorite foods were there, plated beautifully under the dim, warm lights.

you turned to him, speechless.

ni-ki simply pulled out a chair for you, nodding at the seat.

the dinner was nice. way more than nice. he talked, he listened, and laughed with you.

"is this real? are you actually asking me out?"

"yes," ni-ki said, nodding. "i'm serious."

your chest tightened. you wanted to believe him but a part of you was scared.

what if he change his mind? what if you let yourself fall, only for him to break your heart once you bit into it?

ni-ki noticed your hesitation. he hated that you had to doubt him but he can't also blame why, though he wasn't just playing around.

he reached for your hand, bringing it to his lips. "just a bit more of your trust, okay?" he whispered against your skin.

you stared at him for a moment before finally leaning in to hug him.

he held you close, his lips curving against your shoulder. "you were mine the first time i kissed you."

you pulled back and laughed, playfully slapping his arm as you remembered how he stole your first kiss.

at his house, ni-ki captured your lips in a slow, passionate kiss. his mouth moved against yours, savoring every moment. he then pressed soft kisses along your jaw and down the column of your neck.

he found that sensitive spot that made you moan, he latched on and sucked harder, relishing the sound of your pleasure.

ni-ki started guiding you towards his bedroom, never breaking the kiss. once inside, he gently laid you down the bed, his body still pressed against yours.

he looked up at you with intense desire in his eyes, he asked breathlessly, "can i?" his eyes flicked down to your heaving chest.

you nodded, granting him permission. ni-ki didn't hesitate, slipping his hands under your shirt to fondle and tease your sensitive nipples through the thin fabric of your bra.

you arched into his touch, panting softly. he swallowed down your needy moans as he devoured your lips again, his tongue delving deep to clash against yours.

"friends won't do this, right?" ni-ki gasped between heated kisses. he tugged your shirt up and over your head, tossing it aside. his mouth moved, licking and sucking at your bare breasts.

your fingers tangled in his hair, holding him against you as he lavished all attention on your tits.

then ni-ki trailed kisses down to your stomach. hooking his fingers in your panties, he groaned at feeling soaked folds. "fuck, you're so wet for me already," he murmured, tracing his finger along your slit.

he buried his face between your thighs and began eating you out with your panties on. the fabric added delicious friction when his mouth sucked the sensitive bud, lapping at your clit.

you cried out, ni-ki removed your panties. the first swipe of his tongue directly on your pussy made you both moan. you taste even better than he imagined.

ni-ki growled. diving in for more like a starving man. his talented mouth had you writhing and gasping within moments.

he couldn't help but picture how tightly your virgin pussy would squeeze his cock when he finally got to slide inside you. he just know he wouldn't last long once he felt your walls gripping him.

his tongue darted in and out of your slick folds, making you to tug on his hair harshly.

ni-ki's fingers dug into the soft flesh of your thighs as he licked and sucked your clit with sloppy, desperate motions. sounds of your moans and gasps only served to fuel his own growing arousal with every passing second.

but he promised himself he could wait, for now, he was content to focus solely on pleasuring you, determined to make you feel as good as possible.

he sealed his lips around your clit and suckled hard, pressing two fingers inside as listened to the squelching sounds of your tight cunt.

you cried out, your back arching off the bed as he pumped them in and out. "ni-ki, i...i think I'm going to...ahhh!" your words dissolved into a wordless moan as he curled his fingers just right.

soon, your thighs clamped around his head as you came, your pussy clenching down on his fingers in rhythm.

ni-ki crawled up your trembling body to capture your lips in a deep kiss. "you taste so good," he murmured against your mouth. "i can't wait to be inside you." he said as he positioned himself at your entrance, rubbing the thick head of his cock at your wet folds "i'll be gentle, baby."

"tell me if it hurts too much." he added, slowly pushing forward when he felt your walls relaxed slightly.

you let out whimpers and sharp gasps, the sting of pain clouded your eyes with tears. ni-ki paused, giving you a moment to adjust to the new feeling of being filled inside completely.

the sensation of your pussy squeezing him was unlike anything else. he wanted to fuck the shit out of you, claim you so thoroughly that you'd never forget your first time but he loves you so he has to be patient and gentle with your innocent body.

your whimpers and moans filled the room, ni-ki's heart swelled seeing you like this, breathless, desperate... he can't believe that your body is his for the taking.

your cunt began to welcome him inch by inch.

"fuck, you feel amazing." he groaned, fighting the urge to hammer into you wildly.

starting with shallow thrusts, he gradually increased his pace, still mindful of your pain. and as ni-ki doing it deeper, he leaned down to capture your lips in a passionate kiss. "you're taking my cock so well..." he praised. "so fucking sexy."

your eyes fluttered shut and you tilted your head back in bliss, lost to the new pleasure and pressure building inside you. ni-ki felt your walls fluttering around him erratically. "ni-ki, i think- i'm- again..."

he knew you were close.

he increased his pace, deep strokes hitting that special spot inside you with every thrust. his hands gripped your hips enough to bruise as he fucked his dick into you, grunting with the effort of holding himself back from his own release.

and with a strangled cry, you came undone beneath him. ni-ki followed soon after with a moan of your name, pulling out before spilling his cum all over your thighs.

after cleaning up, ni-ki crawled back into bed and pulled you to his chest, kissing your face and neck but you moved and positioned yourself in his hips, where his hardening cock already poking on your sensitive, beaten entrance. "ready again?" he chuckled, wrapping his arms on your waist, his face nuzzling on your neck.

you giggled and sank down on him with a gasp. ni-ki groaned at the slick heat enveloping him again, making love with more confidence this time around.

rounds later, you're all sweaty and tired. ni-ki wondered dazedly if he'd turned his sweet, innocent girl into a sex addict. "you're so good, ni-ki..." you said, kissing him. to ni-ki, you looked like a sex god, your lips kiss-swollen, chest full of hickeys, your hair is a mess...

completely wrecked by him.

he wrapped his arms around your limp form and rolled to the side, careful not to dislodge from where he was still buried inside you.

and you're there thinking about worshipping ni-ki's body for the rest of your life.

"i'm going to fuck you all over again in the shower." he declared with a wicked grin. you answered with a moan that tells him it sounds like the perfect plan.

never knew sex could hit this different when it was out of love.

a/n: this is too long lol! enjoy <3 read part two

similar: Nishimura Riki as your boyfriend & Nishimura Riki as your classmate

masterlist: マスターリストm.list

[thebestsetter]

Undressed

Synopsis: Break ups are tough. The ones with the one you swore you'd spend your whole life are even harder. He'll never get over you, he's sure of it. How could he, when everywhere he looks, you're there?

Characters: Rin Itoshi, Oliver Aiku, Michael Kaiser, Sae Itoshi

TW: The word fuck sometimes, OOC characters 😟

A/N: This is obviously inspired by Sombr's song "Undressed". Y'all should totally listen to it.

A/N²: THEBESTSETTER'S WRITING COMEBACK???

I don't wanna get undressed for a new person all over again

Rin Itoshi has never had an easy time opening up to other people.

Ever since he was a kid, talking about his feelings and thoughts never came as easily to him as it did to others. Feelings were... well, complicated. The only one who could make him come out of his little shell was Sae Itoshi, his older brother. The one who promised to always be by Rin's side. The one who he looked up to. The one who comforted him and gave him free popsickles.

The one who betrayed him. The one who felt disgusted by Rin. The one Rin wanted to crush and destroy.

And also the one who broke Rin. Who made him cry countless times, wondering just what was wrong with him.

After that fateful night, Rin never opened up to anyone again. Why bother? If even his own brother abandoned him, others would too, right? People come and go, so what's the point in being an open book? They're gonna leave anyways, he's clearly destined to be alone (And he's okay with it, really.)

Or perhaps not, cause somebody else managed to break through the walls he oh so carefully built up. You managed to.

Talking to you was easy. He didn't felt like he was forced to speak, it just came naturally. It was as if his own body wanted to open up to you, to have a shoulder to cry on - or maybe it was just the effect you had on him, he'll never really know.

He told you everything. He talked to you about the ugliest parts of him, the ones he tried so hard to hide. He told you about Sae and how the whole situation regarding both of them made him feel. He felt vulnerable enough to cry in front of you, multiple times.

He still remembers your arms around him, the embrace strong, yet so gentle. It was clear you cared for him. Scratch that, you told him you loved him, more than once. And he loved you back. So, so much.

That's why he doesn't understand what went wrong. Why he's here and you're there. Why he's alone again.

"...Rin?"

Well, not exactly alone.

Don't get him wrong, his new girlfriend is good. Great even. She's pretty, the media loves her and her cooking is very good.

There's just one problem.

She isn't you.

"Is everything alright?"

His shoulders are shaking as he lies with her in their shared bed, his back facing her while he looks at the wall as if it was the most interesting thing in the room.

"Mhm" He nods, trying to calm down. His breath is unstable, even if he tries to hide it.

"You're shaking. You sure you're alright?"

The feeling of her hand going up and down his back, clearly trying to calm him down, does nothing to help. Actually, it only makes things worse: he feels disgusted by it. Her touch feels so, so wrong. It feels forced. Out of place. Strange.

He brushes her hand off like it physically burns with a little more force than normal. He realized it was too much though, so he tried to play it cool.

"Sorry" he says, finally finding his voice again "I'm fine, really. You should sleep now... Love"

He almost spits the word, like it's acid going through his mouth. The stinging sensation in his lips after saying it makes his head start reeling and his heart beat faster.

"Rin, you know you can always talk to me when something's wrong, right? I'm your girlfriend, sweetie. You need to trust me for this relationship to work"

Trust? He trusted too many people already. Sae. You.

And, suddenly, the earning becomes hatred. For a split second, he holds the pillow tighter, the longing he felt for you quickly replaced by pure anger.

You promised him. You told him you'd never leave him. And the worst part is that he believed you. He wanted to believe.

He really should talk to her. She's waiting for an answer, staring at him in silence. She stares at him like the kids used to do when he was little: like his feeling were too confusing to understand. Like he was too much.

You never once looked at him like that. You looked at him with understanding in your eyes. With care and patience.

The anger turns into tears. One by one, they begin to spill from his eyes as he hiccups into his pillow. It's as if the ghost of your hands is right there, wiping away his tears.

"Talk to me, Rin" she says - no, she pleads.

But he can't. Even though he knows he should, his mind doesn't want to. He opens and closes his mouth, trying to find the right words to say, but finds none. His body physically holds him back from talking to her the way it used to do with you.

"...I can't"

He'll never be able to open up to another person, as long as the ghost of you still haunts him. He doesn't want to.

I don't wanna kiss someone else's neck and have to pretend it's yours instead

This wasn't supposed to happen.

He wasn't supposed to get attached.

It was meant to be an one stand, a quick "fuck and go" to help him get his mind off of the current... situation he was facing.

But Aiku couldn't help it: she just looked too much like you.

Her hair, her face, hell even her name sounded like yours - which really helped him cover his slip ups (moaning your name instead of hers) many times.

When they were sleeping together, she put her cold feet under his legs to warm them up just like you used to do. Her favorite series are the same as yours. Her style looks liked yours. She was almost you.

Almost. She wasn't you.

But if Aiku closed his eyes really tight, he could pretend it was you.

He knew he looked crazy, but he just couldn't stop it.

When he gifted her the perfume you used, he brushed it off as a coincidence. Many girls wear that fragrance, so it's not a big deal, really. When he "accidentally" bought her VIP tickets to that rock band you liked - the one he refused to go with you many times, claiming he was "busy" - even though he knew she doesn't like rock, he just shrugged and said he liked the band - he doesn't know a single song beside your favorite one. When he kisses her neck, he needs to pretend it's you, or else he physically can't be affectionate with her. He closes his eyes and inhales your her cologne, smiling to himself as he mutters your name.

"Aiku?" She asks, turning to look directly at him "Who's that?"

And that's when he realized: she was not you. Because her eyes were nothing like yours.

He misses them. Your eyes, I mean: the way the colors in your iris danced, inviting him in and making him grow an inexplicable need to kiss you till you're both a breathing mess of love and earn.

That's why he knows he should stop.

He really should.

"What do you mean? I said your name"

There's not an ounce of doubt in his voice when he talks to her, as if they've had this conversation hundreds of times already.

"...okay then"

And when she turns and he can't see her face - her eyes - anymore, he automatically goes back to pretending it's you again.

So you have to understand, he couldn't let go of her. Cause then he'd have to get over you, and he's not sure if he's ready to.

I look across the tracks and see you with another

There's nothing worse than seeing your lover moving on while you still suffer

Kaiser feels sick to his fucking stomach.

What the actual fuck is happening just in front of him? Why are you at your cafeteria with a lowlife? Your cafeteria. Yours and Kaiser's. The one you had your first date in. The one where he asked you to be his girlfriend.

He's gonna throw up.

Why are you with that bastard? He looks like a fucking dog that hasn't taken a bath in weeks - no, months. He's so much better than that idiot in front of you right now. He knows it. And he's sure you know it too.

So why are you smiling so hard?

How can you be smiling so hard without him, when he's never gotten over you? When he still earns for you, still goes through your old photos on his phone. When he still calls you just to listen to your voice on the voicemail.

How can you move on while he's still suffering? And how can you look so pretty while doing it.?

It's unfair. He's been on dates after your break up, sure, but never managed to find anyone even close to your level. That's why he doesn't know how you managed to.

Kaiser knows he's pathetic. He though those lovesick fools from the movies you forced him to watch were ridiculous - until it was him in their position.

He rejects every girl that even tries to talk to him. The scented candles - the ones that have your scent - are always lit. He checks your social media like it's a ritual.

He even cries himself to sleep sometimes, trying to figure out just what went wrong. Why he's so easy to abandon. Why no relationship ever works for him.

"Mich... Kaiser" He hears someone call.

It's you. Hand in hand with your new... Lover.

He can't help the disgusted expression that appears in his face.

"...hey" It's so weak, so low, so unlike him that even you seem surprised

"What are you doing here?"

I was looking for you, hoping to see you here. Alone. Looking for me, too

"Ah, just passing by. The coffe here is the best, you know."

It's not a question, it's an affirmation. He knows you know. You told him yourself that they serve your favorite coffe.

"Yeah, I know" an uncomfortable silence settled, but Kaiser didn't even oay attention. His eyes were focused on your hands, intertwined with that guy's. "So..." You start, looking at him. Oh, how he missed your eyes.

But not like that. You're looking at him with indifference, not with the loved you used to. "How's life going?"

"Amazing" Bullshit "I'm seeing someone" it's the most absurd lie he's ever said.

"Really? That's great!" No. You're not supposed to be happy. That would mean you...

"I'm glad you also managed to move on" Also? "You know I still care for you, right?"

He's gonna cry.

"Y-yeah" How many times has the mighty Michael Kaiser stuttered?

"You should call me" he's blocked.

You seem to remember it, since you blush and look to the side. His face softens when he sees this. You really haven't changed. At least, not completely. "I'm gonna unblock you, don't worry"

Oh, how long has he earned to hear those words? But not like this. Whatever this is, it isn't what he wanted.

"Sure" he puts his cold and alone hands inside the pockets of his jacket, pretending it's you holding them. "I need to go, now. She's waiting for me at home"

There's no one at his house - he can't call it home anymore. Home is wherever you are.

"Yeah, sure. Goodbye, Kaiser"

"Goodbye"

He begins walking away, his eyes glossy and the air around his face filled with the puffs from his heavy breathing.

"Oh, I almost forgot"

He looks at you again, locking eyes. He takes in your whole body, almost as if it's the last time he'll ever see you: and it might be.

"Take care of youself, Micha."

It seems his pillow will wake up wet again.

I don't want the children of another man to have the eyes of the girl I won't forget

Sae changed.

Spain changed him. Life changed him. Football changed him.

Whatever was going between you both before he travelled was over. He made it very clear that day, when he broke up with you on a snowy day.

He knew he needed to do it. He needed to if he wanted to he the best midfielder in the world.

He also told you to not wait for him, even though you told him you would. He wasn't selfish enough. He knew you deserved to be happy.

And even though he said you shouldn't wait, he still held hope. Hope that you had waited for him, just like you said you would.

That's how he finds himself in Japan again after almost 5 years, strolling through the park where you spent your whole childhood playing together, searching for you.

Everywhere he looks, there's a piece of you. The swings you both ate ice cream in. The sand box where you'd play with Rin. The bench where he confessed his love for you. The olive tree where you first met. The...

"Daddy, look! It's Sae Itoshi, from Real Madrid!"

He snaps out of his daydream when a highpitched voice breaks him out of it.

"It's really him, daddy!"

"Are you sure, sweetie?"

"Yes! Yes! 100% sure!"

"Okay then, go talk to him"

He looks to his right and sees a little girl running up to him a smile on her face and her arms open wide. Her dad is behind her, recording the whole thing while smiling.

"Hello" he says, ruffling her hair a little. He doesn't really like paparazzi, but he really likes his kid fans. Only when they're not spoiled, though "What's your name, little one?"

"I'm Hannah!" She says, still hugging his legs "And I'm your biggest fan!"

He smiles a little

"Well then, 'biggest Sae fan'" he hears her dad say, laughing and coming closer "Why don't you let him go now so you can take a picture together?"

She reluctantly lets go, still not able to contain her smile. When the photo is taken, Sae crouched down to her height to say goodbye, like he always does with kids.

Except it's not the same. The words die in his lips.

Because he recognizes that look. Those eyes.

They're exactly like yours. Even the sparkle in them is the same.

He's suddenly brought back to the thoughts of you. The way you looked at him when he declared his love. The way your eyes sparkled when he won one of the most important championships of the town with his silly school football team. Hell, he even remembered the way your eyes filled with tears when he broke up with you that day.

All because of that little girl.

It can't be... can it?

"Hey, man" he hears the girl's dad say, which makes him quickly rise up again (without really saying anything to the girl. He got too distracted)

"Yes?"

"Could you give a shout out to my wife? She really likes soccer, so I'm sure she knows you"

Oh God.

"Sure. What's her name?"

Please don't say her name please don't say her name please don't say her name please don't...

"Sure. It's..."

He tunes everything down the moment the name began to form itself in the man's lips. Maybe if Sae didn't hear it, it wouldn't be truth.

Yeah, maybe.

But it wouldn't. The truth was simple: you moved on. And the proof was there, right in front of him, smiling without a care in the world.

"So, think you can do it? The video, I mean"

Those kid's eyes will haunt him forever. He's sure of it.

"...yeah. I'll do it"

[bellesdreamyprofile]

The Great American Novel - Austin Butler

summary: you're a recently published author as you start dating hollywood's hottest actor austin butler, year after year the pressure becomes unbearable and the distance between the two of you gets more noticeable. will you two call it quits or keep pushing for a better end? — 3k words

You first met Austin through a secret set-up that Callum forced you both to be part of. You had no idea about his plans until you were sitting across from Austin in a café in New York. Words of pleasantries were always exchanged between the two of you, since you both hated the idea of being rude to somebody. He was in a relationship, you were in a relationship — you were never riding the same wave. Until you were, and Callum found out, immediately taking the situation in his own hands.

That coffee date changed your life.

"I'm staying here for the next few weeks, I gotta movie lined up.", Austin explained, swirling the coffee in his mug.

You hummed in interest. "Really? So you don't live here?", the blonde shook his head, his blue eyes back on you.

"I live in LA. From time to time I go back to Orange County. Nostalgia.", his lips curled into a small smile. "What brings you to the Big Apple?"

Your hands curled around your mug, absorbing all the warmth possible. "I, uh, I was recently published and I have a book presentation in two days so...", you tried to play it as if it were no big deal, keeping your ego to the minimum.

Austin's eyes widened as he leaned forward. "No way, congrats! That's so amazing!", the genuine happiness in his tone, made you shyly look up and the spark in his eyes was truly something else. You had never met anyone so truly happy for somebody else's success.

"Yeah, thank you. Uhm, I've got one copy on me if you're interested, of course.", your voice shook a little at the thought of handing the Austin Butler a piece of you. Another smile took over his face as he enthusiastically nodded.

"Sure, I'd love to read it.", he bit his lower lip, watching you reach in your tote bag to grab your creation. He was sitting across an author, somebody that brought simple words to life. You slid the book in his direction and he smiled yet again, grasping it and analyzing the cover. "I know the saying is don't judge a book by its cover, but this is gorgeous."

You laughed, nodding a little. "Thank you, I designed it myself.", he looked up, his lips parted.

"Just— Wow... I need an autograph, like right now—", he stuffed his hand in his own tote bag and pulled out a sharpie, handing it over to you. "I mean— if that's okay with you, that is."

With a chuckle, you grabbed his sharpie and opened the book, automatically finding the title page. You signed your name and wrote some words dedicated to him.

To Austin, may our paths cross again. With love, Y/N

Your words to Austin manifested into your reality, for your paths crossed more than once after your coffee set-up date. You were in Boston for another book presentation when Austin called you, asking how to reach you.

"It's just— I finished your book and I'm absolutely in love with it and— I really need to see you."

You pressed your phone against your chest, right above your heartbeat as the words still lingered in your ear. "Wow, thanks Austin—", and then you told him where to find you, your hotel, the hall you were gonna be interviewed in.

Even when your whole focus was on the book — your own creation, your own art — you were still able to spot him in the crowd of people. An easy jacket hugged his figure and a baseball hat hid his hair, his eyes were low, but you knew he was looking at you and you only.

The Q&A part followed and you found yourself answering the questions with profound words and simple smiles. People stood up to get their book signed and your heart soared — someone resonated with your work and here they were. One by one got their title page signed, until one last person was standing in line.

"Hey, I think I know you.", you said playfully and Austin immediately smiled, his hand reaching up to remove his hat.

"You were incredible.", you blushed at his soft words and instinctively stood up to face him. His arms opened as he welcomed you into a hug, like it was no big deal, like that was what you usually did. Your lips curled into a smile against his chest, enjoying his warm embrace.

"I know I already got your autograph—", you chuckled at his words, the vibration right over Austin's heart. "But I think you should change the inscription."

"Oh?", you pulled back slightly to look at him, your hands still wrapped around his waist. "You didn't like the other one?", your words were playful, for you knew exactly what he meant. "I thought it was pretty accurate."

Austin shook his head, a small laugh tumbling from his lips. His hand untangled from your body to grab the brand new copy of your book he had stuffed in his back pocket.

"I still got the original.", he said smiling a little. "But I think I need more.", you raised your eyebrow at his words. "Since your words became reality...", he didn't need to add anything else. You smiled and grabbed the book from his hold, finding your seat again.

You signed your name and wrote words you hoped would turn into reality. The book was shut as you handed it back to him. Austin went to open it, but you put your hands on top of his, stopping him from doing so. His curious eyes found yours in a split second.

"Read it when you get back to your hotel room.", you withheld a breath, anxious of what that could mean. Austin nodded and bit back a grin.

"Alright.", your hand tingled as you moved them away from his, and you secretly wondered if he felt the energy between you two as well. "Wanna grab a bite?", he asked, a hopeful glint in his eyes. You simply nodded and with a shy smile, you walked out of the hall together.

To Austin, may our paths cross and stay intertwined forever. All my love, Y/N

Once Austin read what you had written in the book, he asked you out on a date in the city you were touring in next. He told you all about his next movie and then endlessly talked about your book, showing you what he highlighted and underlined. He pointed at a word he had never heard before and then rambled about a character he particularly liked. His dedication was truly touching.

With other men, you found yourself questioning whether or not you'd be a good fit together or if they even liked you back. You didn't wonder with Austin, because you felt that shift of energy — his heart was beating for yours as much as yours was beating for his. There was no question about that.

A week later, you started dating and suddenly coffees weren't as bitter and the rain wasn't as bad. He made everything better, year after year.

You didn't know when it started happening, if it was your schedules that were all consuming or if you were both in a mood. But the coffee started tasting bitter again and rainy days made you sad. It felt like you weren't riding the same wave anymore.

You weren't in synch anymore. The need to call him for good news was gone, knowing he would talk all about his new role with a hot, new director. Austin worked in between locations, losing track of time and forgetting about the things that mattered the most.

"Hey baby— I can't make it tonight.", he pressed his phone between his shoulder and ear. "Jeff wants us to get another—"

Your sigh fell heavy on his chest. "Yeah, I know... Another take, reshoot, I get it.", you sounded tired.

"You okay?", his ridiculous question made you want to laugh and curl up in front of a sad movie at the same time. Another sigh filled his ear as you exhaled unspoken words.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Was kind of looking forward to our date.", you said, glancing at your watch. "Haven't seen you in a while."

Austin grabbed a towel and started drying his hair — out of focus. "I know baby, but next week I'll be there, I promise. Oh— before I forget. Callum said he was gonna be in town and I invited him to stay at our place. You don't mind, right?"

You shook your head and popped some popcorn in your mouth. "No, not at all. I love Cal."

It was Austin's turn to fall silent for a moment. He couldn't remember the last time you said I love you. "Good, good. He, uh, he's coming by in two days."

"Okay.", he heard from the other end. "Well, have a good evening, honey. I'm gonna go watch a movie."

His lips formed a small smile. "What's the movie of choice?"

"I don't now yet. Probably Grease? Need something to cheer me up."

A heavy breath fell from Austin's lips. Every time he thought the conversation was going well, it suddenly wasn't anymore. "Yeah, that sounds good. I gotta go, love you.", he paused, waiting for your last words, his heart squeezing at the gnawing feeling in his stomach.

"Bye honey."

Your love was consuming. You were both consumed.

Two days later you found yourself in the same café you had met Austin years prior. Though your boyfriend wasn't there, Callum showed up instead. New York winters were no joke and the need for a hot beverage was almost more important than what you had to tell him.

Once you were both sitting and all warmed up, Callum spoke up.

"Isn't this the place where I tricked you both to come?", his mischievous grin was contagious as you laughed and nodded.

"This exact seat too.", you pointed out.

Callum told you all about his new girlfriend and how happy he was, your focus was on his eyes and the way they sparked as he talked about her. You couldn't remember the last time you saw that look on Austin.

Your eyes welled up with salty tears as you released a shaky breath. Your friend stopped talking and reached his hand to yours. "Hey, you alright?"

The sparkle in his eyes was gone and the cause was you. You interrupted him with your issues and insecurities — were you the reason why Austin's eyes stopped shining?

You simply shook your head, unable to speak, knowing that if you did, you would break. Lips were pressed together to prevent any embarrassment and eyes were fixated on the table.

"Y/N.", he tried again, his hand nudging at a napkin under his fork and knife. You grabbed it and wordlessly patted your under eyes. Your hands then reached for your water and that was when you were grateful for the hidden corner in the café.

"Talk to me.", Callum's tone was encouraging, reminding you of the endless time he told you to let it out, so you would feel better.

You breathed in and then looked in his eyes. "I think... Austin and I...", you shook your head, unable to say the words out loud. Cal's eyes widened in surprise, but he remained quiet.

"It's just... He's been so busy lately and he hasn't been calling as much.", you started slowly, your gaze lowering on your tea. "The problem is that... I've gotten used to that."

Callum nodded, bringing his elbows on the table as he listened intently.

"And I hate that I'm used to his silence, to his lack of effort.", you brought your hands together, toying with the ring Austin had given you. "I don't even know if I love him anymore."

"Jesus.", Callum muttered, his head shaking. "I, uh, I talked to him the other day and he sounded odd. Maybe that's why."

You looked up in question.

"He feels the tension too.", his honesty took you aback. Was Austin feeling as stuck as you were? "But listen, Y/N, that's probably temporary, right?", a small smile was painted over his lips. "You've overcome much worse, right? Remember when you were all the way in Italy and Austin was stuck in LA for that movie?"

You wordlessly nodded. You appreciated Callum's words of encouragement, but you knew that this time it was different. Something had changed, something you weren't even sure about. Something you wondered if it could be fixed at all.

"I just feel so... Blocked up.", you looked down, feeling your heart beat a little faster at your revelation. Callum sighed, thinking your words over.

"That man loves you, Y/N.", his hand inched forward, grasping yours in comfort. "It's all gonna be okay."

You wished you could believe in his words as much as he did.

A week passed, and as promised, Austin made it back home. New York was the place you both came back to. It held so many memories for the both of you as a couple and individually too.

You heard the keys jingle and the door open, your eyes immediately looking up as you watched Austin walk in. You stood up and approached him, falling into his open arms.

"Hey baby.", he murmured against your hair. Your hands desperately fisted his sweater, almost like you were afraid he was gonna disappear at any moment. But the truth was that you missed him. You missed his touch, his smell, his eyes, his voice.

You let out a shaky breath and slowly pulled away, so you were able to look him in the eyes. His hair was disheveled from his hoodie, his eyes were undeniably tired from the flight, but nonetheless, there was still a smile for you on his pretty face.

His hands found your cheeks as he looked at you deeply. It was like an inspection with him checking out every inch of your face, making sure nothing had changed and you were real, in front of him.

"I missed you.", the rawness in his whisper made you shudder as tears filled up in your eyes. You drew your eyes shut and placed your own hands on top of his. "Oh baby.", Austin pulled you in another hug, the fabric of his sweater absorbing your tears. "C'mon let's go lay down."

Austin sensed your emotions simply from your body's reactions. The way you held onto him, the way you started crying, swiftly clinging onto him like a lifeboat. Yet he felt the same way — like you'd been both drifting apart for too long and his presence was so sudden and so needed that it was overwhelming. He needed you as much as you needed him.

Moments later, you were lying on his chest in your bed in silence. It took Austin a little while to help you get your breathing back to normal and then your cries ceased. Your hand found the spot right above his heart and his was securely wrapped around your body.

"I'm finally done with my book.", you broke the silence, your voice a little raw from crying. He hummed, tightening his grip on you as he pressed his lips to your temple.

"'m proud of you.", he kissed your head again. "My little author.", 

You smiled against his chest. "How was filming?"

Austin breathed out and started playing with your hair. "Eh, alright. Demanding, tiring and all that jazz.", you hummed. "You know the phone call we had...", you tensed up, knowing where the conversation was heading. "Hearing you like that and knowing I couldn't just drop everything and come to you..."

That crawling pit in your stomach came back and lying on Austin didn't seem like the best idea anymore. You moved a little and with a hand on his chest, you sat up. His eyes followed your every move as his hands remained on you, lingering.

"I, uh...", you started shakily, hesitantly looking his way. "I doubted us when you were gone.", Austin's hand froze on your body. "I talked to Cal a-and he made me remember that time when I was in Italy and you were in LA, but...", you shook your head. "That was different."

Austin's brows drew together, slowly sitting up as well. "Y/N..."

But you had to speak your thoughts out loud. "You wouldn't call, Austin for days and— and then when you did, everything was just so off. It didn't feel right."

His hand swiftly found your leg. "But I'm here now."

You nodded slowly. "Yes, now."

"Y/N, you get this, though. You know my schedule—"

"Yes, I know you're busy, but I also have got things to do and I don't just disappear in the unknown without telling anybody anything."

Austin was at loss for words. He breathed out, the silence almost overwhelming in your bedroom. Every little object good enough to distract him from thinking about the worst case scenario. But he knew what he had to say. "I'm gonna get better. For you... For us.", he promised.

You looked down, feeling the same sting in your eyes. "I just... I don't know if I can anymore."

His breath hitched in his throat, your words coming to him as a surprise. His hands immediately intertwined with yours as he moved closer to you, his forehead pressed to your temple. You forced your eyes shut as all the emotions you were feeling so suddenly were almost unbearable.

"It's a little hiccup, baby, that's all. We can do this together. I know we can.", Austin couldn't disguise the pain in his voice and your heart cracked just a little bit more. You squeezed his hands and sniffled. "We can do this. We're a team.", despite the obvious emotion, Austin's words made you want to believe. 

"Y-You think?", he nodded, pulling away to place yet another kiss on your temple.

"I know.", he confirmed. "And I-I am so sorry for putting everything else first, baby.", his words were rushed, but you knew he meant every single one. "None of this is worth it without you by my side."

A frown appeared on your lips as you pulled away, your hands cradling his rosy cheeks. You kissed his lips, your eyes fluttering shut at the feeling. A man that was able to recognize his own mistake was hard to find, yet there he was sitting on the bed with you.

You pulled away, leaving Austin breathless. "Thank you for seeing that.", you murmured. "And I'm sorry for immediately blaming you for all of this—"

Austin shook his head, grasping your hands from his cheeks and kissing them repeatedly. "No, you had every right to. I needed a wake-up call. And I'm glad it's from you.", his blue eyes bored in yours, every shade of honesty glistening in them.

"I wanna do this with you.", you nodded, reassurance now flooding in your veins. A relieved smile broke on his face as his lips inched closer to yours until he finally sealed your words of promise.

"I love you. So goddamn much.", Austin muttered against your lips, a breathy laugh fell from your lips.

"I love you too.", there were the words he had wanted you to say for so long.

And you meant them with every fibre of your being.

A/N: took me three days to write this chapter but I absolutely loved it! let me know what you thought 💋🤍

MASTERLIST austin masterlist

next chapter... our pilot buck cleven 🩵

[mcflymemes]

PROMPTS FROM SHREK *  assorted dialogue from the 2001 film, adjust as necessary

two things, okay? shut... up.

you didn't slay the dragon?

some of you may die... but it's a sacrifice i am willing to make.

they judge me before they even know me. that's why i'm better off alone.

how will you kiss me?

that wasn't in the job description!

what is so funny?

let's just say... i'm not your type.

pick me! pick me!

i've got a dragon and i'm not afraid to use it!

now really, it's rude enough being alive when no one wants you, but showing up uninvited to a wedding?

it's a compliment! better out than in, i always say.

you can't tell me you're afraid of heights.

let's do that again!

what's that? it's hideous.

only a true friend would be that cruelly honest!

well, technically, you're not a king.

the battle is won.

so where is this fire-breathing pain in the neck, anyway?

hey, don't look at me. i didn't invite them.

it's on my to-do list!

you're meant to charge in, sword drawn, banners flying!

that's not the point!

huh, celebrity marriages. they never last, do they?

that'll do, [name]. that'll do.

you're going the right way for a smacked bottom.

well, that's not very nice. it's just a donkey.

where are you going? the exit's over there!

i have to save my ass.

what kind of a knight are you?

i was talking about the dragon.

man, this would be so much easier if i wasn't color-blind.

we can stay up late, swapping manly stories, and in the morning... i'm making waffles!

whoa, look at that. who'd wanna live in a place like that?

that... would be my home.

i think i need a hug.

you're a monster!

we were forced to come here!

you know, you're really quite a decorator!

it's amazing what you've done with such a modest budget!

i like that boulder. that is a nice boulder.

you know, not everybody likes onions.

everybody loves cake!

i don't care what everyone likes!

have you ever met a person, you say, "let's get some parfait," they say, "hell no, i don't like parfait."

end of story! bye bye! see ya later!

parfaits may be the most delicious thing on the whole damn planet!

it talks?

i'm not the monster here, you are!

now tell me, where are the others!

eat me!

i've tried to be fair to you creatures, but now my patience has reached its end.

all right then! who's hiding them?

oh you're going to love it there.

men of his stature are in short supply.

it's getting him to shut up that's the trick!

hey, what's your problem [name], what you got against the whole world anyway, huh?

i'll find those stairs.

look, i'm not the one with the problem, okay? it's the world that seems to have a problem with me.

do you think he's maybe compensating for something?

hey, where're you going?

oh man, i can't feel my toes!

take a look at me. what am i?

doesn't that bother you?

man, i like you. what's your name?

you're so wrapped up in layers, onion boy, you're afraid of your own feelings.

there you are, doing it again!

oh... oh this is all my fault.

you can't do this to me! i'm too young for you to die!

you gotta warn somebody before you just crack one off, my mouth was open and everything.

believe me, if it was me... you'd be dead.

i steal from the rich and give to the needy.

man, that was annoying.

i was sent to rescue you.

i'm supposed to be rescued by my true love!

your job is not my problem.

you love this woman, don't you?

i don't want to rush into a physical relationship.

like that's ever gonna happen!

why are you following me?

stop singing!

it's no wonder you don't have any friends!

[shortbcofkoffee]

Just finished Batman Hush, and I have (bad) jokes.

-

Eddie, on the verge of tears: I used to be somebody in this town. Now everybody has a gimmick. I mean, have you seen Cluemaster? He's stealing my fucking bit!! My bit!! Do you know what would happen if someone stole Joker's bit? He'd fucking kill them! I'm not like that, I can't just kill him, I'm just gonna lose my fucking bit to a guy who lets his daughter beat his ass!!

Bruce: I don't care. Why do you know what Jason would look like as an adult?

Eddie, actively sobbing: NOBODY CARES ABOUT ME ANYMORE!! Are my riddles even hard??

-

Tim, taking a swing at Selina while still holding a cloth to his bleeding neck: It's still on sight by the way.

Selina: Robin, stop! You literally just got your damn neck cut open!

Tim: Stop making out in the Cave!! You're making me and Alfred uncomfortable!!

Selina: Don't complain because I can pull. How are you, halfway through high school and never dated?

-

Ivy, wrapped around Clark: Lover. Kill them.

Selina: Man, I don't know if I want to be Ivy or Superman right now...

Bruce: Catwoman, focus. I have a plan.

Bruce, internally: God, I wish I was between them right now.

-

Waylon: Go to hell.

Bruce: What did you want the ten million for?

Waylon: ...

Waylon: Are you fucking serious? It's ten million dollars. You can't think of a reason someone would want that?

-

Tommy, reading the newspaper one morning just to see there was a funeral for him: What am I dead for??

Tommy, calling Eddie: Did you have to kill me off, what the hell? My funeral looked awful, I don't even know half of those people.

Eddie: I mean, I really wanted to make Bats mad and Basil was practicing playing dead for some unrelated reason, so it kinda just worked out that way.

Tommy: I don't care! You could've at least made my funeral nicer.

-

Selina, throwing herself on Bruce because omg, shirtless, sweaty Bruce:

Bruce, kissing her because omg, Selina wants to kiss me:

Alfred who just finished applying stitches and hasn't even stepped two feet away and has been forced to listen to them flirt for the last 30 minutes:

Alfred: I'm poisoning your dinner tonight, Master Bruce.

-

Tim, at Tommy's funeral with Dick: Do you even know who this guy is? I mean I've only seen like one picture of him before this month.

Dick, elbowing him: Be respectful. But no, I've never even heard of this guy, I thought Harvey Dent was Bruce's childhood best friend.

Tim: Exactly. But like I never expected Bruce to go for redheads. It's always been black haired people. Not that that's bad, it's just a break from the pattern.

Dick: Tim, wh- They weren't dating.

Tim: Mmm, are you sure? Because this guy and B had pretty much the same relationship as him and Harvey and those two did super make out a few times.

Dick, huffing: Please stop talking about Bruce's love life. We're at a funeral.

Dick: ...

Dick: But tell me more later.

-

Dick, noticing a new, still healing scar on Tim's neck: Timmy! What happened.

Tim: Ooh. Um. Crazy story. So you know how Riddler orchestrated that whole thing last week?

Dick, with increasing worry: Yeah?

Tim: Uh, long story short... Clayface pretended to be Jason or something... It might've been just a piece of him... anyway, he almost sliced my throat open to taunt B.

Dick:

Dick: WHAT?!

-

Bruce, going on his usual self-loathing monologue: I lied to my mother...

Tommy, whispering in his ear: Bruce. If you wanted to get together after all this time, you didn't have to try to kill yourself to do it.

Bruce, blushing in his head, five seconds away from passing out from anesthetic: Huh? What? But... huh?

-

Selina: You come at me one more time, little bird, and I'll clip your wings. No matter what your "Daddy" says.

Tim: He's not my father.

Selina: Tell him that.

Bruce. whispering, standing in the background: Please don't tell me that :(

-

Bruce: One day Tim will be the world's greatest detective :)

Babs: Don't even manifest that for him. Don't manifest that for anyone.

-

Bruce: Harvey. Who did your plastic surgery?

Harvey: Wouldn't you like to know. It was your mistress.

Bruce, who genuinely has no idea what he's talking about and now has to file through everyone he's ever dated that could possibly perform an operation or could learn to do so: ...

Bruce: You're gonna have to be more specific.

Harvey, 100% playing this up: God, did I mean nothing to you? Was I just a toy for your comfort? After all these years?

Bruce "emotional repression" Wayne: Um...

Jim, who's been holding a gun to Harvey's back this whole time: I thought you were better than this, Batman.

Bruce: I don't... I have someone to go interrogate. *runs off*

-

[spiritsglade]

Hello! I'm a big fan of your works. Your Jason is one of the best I've read! You get him. I'm very grateful to have read your fics. Please keep on writing him🙏

Now what kind of Jason fics do you enjoy? Plus if you haven't read Lysical's works already do so now!

hi hi!! thank you so much :] have a lot of things in the works so i will definitely be writing him for a while yet!

lysical's username is vaguely familiar, i've probably read a couple of their fics before but i don't remember specifics. i'll be sure to check them out properly when i have the time.

i've been sitting on this question for quite a while because i'm not entirely sure how to answer it--what fics i enjoy for jason really changes quite a bit depending on arbitrary things like my mood in the moment, lol. ended up just tossing together a rec list of some ongoing fics that i've been enjoying.

Triple Red by caffeinatedbasil - a wc crossover jayroy series. jason adopts lian after roy disappears on a diplomatic mission to space. the sequel's currently being written. the sheer relief of it really gets to me when i'm sad i'll just reread the entirety of burning red's first chapter and hope it'll fix me.

Someday I'm Gonna Be Somebody People Want by @ahoyimlosingmymind - a metahuman forces bruce, dick, tim, and damian to watch what pretty much amounts to a slideshow of jason's trauma, starting from early childhood. it's been fascinating seeing how they react and also devastating. little jason :( he's so small

Temporary Angels by @hopetimistic - case fic, jason whump, jaykyle, lots going on in this one! the original villains are really fun. it's actually just updated recently, haven't had a chance to read that chapter yet but i'm excited :]

door, opening by @cowboysorceror - dick & jason focused and also the most detailed case fic i've ever read. obsessed. these relationships make me so upset (in a good way) my head is in my hands.

Stable Relationships by @glitter-stained - horse movie no capes jayroy au. idk i just love all the character dynamics and the worldbuilding and the imagery is so good too.

For Some Desperate Glory by @chasingfigments - under the hood au where instead of taking over the drug trade jason kidnaps bruce. love the level of detail in this one too!! and we're still relatively early in the setup but i am truly obsessed with everything happening here.

Acid by @quenchiestcactusjuice99 - jason gets shoved into the marvel universe and into the hands of hydra. good fic fun dynamics i appreciate how competent he is and his yearning for his family hits me in the face every time.

i'll be gone in the dark by @havenesc - jason rancher au where he runs from gotham!! we're only one chapter in but it's a big one + his paranoia is so so sad but also extremely funny

Therapy with Doctor Todd by Wisetypewriter - jason gets a degree in psychiatry and forces the batfam to go to therapy. it's really funny but at the same time that 'crack treated seriously' tag was not lying.

[ohmycale]

I guess I am alive again...

I have not been in the fandom for quite some time due to life and many things happening in real life. Somebody in real life asked to read and comment on a post defending Deruth. It's a good read and I agree on most of it. Which even surprising that I'm writing this. I hope I would not offend anyone if I would just highlight some of the things I read that make me think. A bit of a long post incoming

I agree that he's an okay parent...for any other child and any other time except during Jour's death. But since ogCale was a neglected child by most adults around him (during and after this time), especially his parents, I would beg to differ. And here I am thinking that parents try their best even at their worst times. Tbh, the post feels like an excuse Deruth's neglect like many posts that I have read. Just another one who handwave neglect and worse, treat it as something so trivial. Neglect is treated as something so minor that should be waived by time or force. Assuming that we're not holding Deruth on a pedestal, why is an apology for his failings such a bad thing to do, fathom or even ask for?

Father and child were both grieving but it seems that it was only Deruth's grief that mattered. Nobody gave a shit for the child who had his life upside down from losing his mother, ignored by his father, and got a new family that he was (for intents and purposes at that time) didn't even ask for. Because Deruth moved on, everyone, especially Cale, has to. Because of a new family, og!cale never said anything coz he'd probably be answered by 'Don't you want your father (Deruth) to be happy?' (classic line for stepkids) If that's the feedback, why bother opening up and saying something? Og!Cale will be the bad guy for expressing such thoughts and feelings. In real life blended families, it's the parents who facilitate everything including communication. It's the adults who should be guiding the children and have control of the situation. Also, let's not forget that it was Deruth who distanced himself from og!Cale first and never bothered to patch their relationship and issues even to the point that og!cale changed a lot aka Roksu appeared.

I understand that people are not at their best selves when grieving. I was the same. But I am not an adult nor a parent. I didn't have a child that I had to care for or be responsible for. It might have been hard, but it would not sit on my conscience to burden a kid with my messy emotions or pull away. Because pulling away from a person who thought they were loved by you leads them to think that they are at fault. At the very least, og!cale deserved a conversation about his mother's passing and his father's actions at that time.

I don't care about the worst father list. As mentioned before, Deruth only gets the benefit of the doubt already because he is kind and trying. Trying but didn’t succeed. For me, his trying is not for readers to judge, His effort should only matter to og!cale and whether it is enough to absolve Deruth for his failings.

I agree that both Deruth and og!cale are bad at communicating. Deruth did set the precedent of not communicating and pulling away.

The first few chapters show that he cares for his son in his way. Yeah, but he's not reaching his son, does he? They barely had a functioning relationship and we're supposed to congratulate him? As a reader, we get it that he cares for his son. But if we ask Deruth, should he be happier that he’s winning over strangers rather than the person he's trying to care for? And if Deruth is on speaking terms with og!Cale to his son, it’s not gonna be that hard to bring out a topic or issues.

Not touching the Violan bit because she is his stepmother (and stepfamilies are so complex and hard) and to be honest, a better adult than her husband,

8. You can also argue that Deruth didn't try hard enough. He does try. He's not just good efficient as exemplified by the post. He doesn't speak about the things that matter to them both but does the indirect and inefficient ways. He shouldn't be surprised if keeps trying bad ways to reconcile and act surprised when it fails.

9. So for parents to try harder doesn't usually end up with a heart-to-heart talk unless the other wants to talk. It's a risk that a parent has to take - either grab them by the horns or be miserable trying to communicate via the mind. And suffer the odds for the risk.

Re Basen and Lily. I am ambivalent about them. It’s not because they were kids or they did something bad to og!cale. For some people, especially the people who were left by their parents to have a do-over family, they are a symbol. I mean, sans og!Cale, Deruth is winning. He has a new family – a wife that shares his burden, a (spare) son for the county, a daughter that he might have wished for. There are real fathers and mothers who abandon their original families/children because THEY CAN. Is it projecting? Absolutely effing lutely. Is it reasonable enough to expect? Yes. Because Deruth is a flawed human being who already showed that he CAN abandon og!Cale if he so wished. And nobody can stop or even disapprove of him because of his status and position. It is good that Deruth in the story defies this but he’s still doing the BARE MINIMUM.

Overall, whether Deruth is a bad father will be a recurring conversation topic for the fandom. There are many viewpoints but I always always side with the views most relevant and applicable to og!Cale even it might be biased. If og!Cale is here with us, I am sure he will be more than happy to tell us what he thinks.

But we don’t. Any opinion, even the scathing and unpopular ones, deserves merit. It’s good that fandom is not a monolith especially in this because this topic and og!cale’s experiences are so relatable.

Here’s a summary of my stand

Being a good parent to Basen and Lily doesn’t mean he was a good father to og!Cale even if og!Cale does love him

Og!Cale doesn’t need to forgive or forget what Deruth did in the worst time of their lives because he loves him

Deruth is afraid, I get that. But if he remains afraid, his hope for reconciliation isn’t gonna pan out as he hopes to.

Deruth needs to accept that there is a chance it is too late.

Deruth needs to accept consequences for the negative things he gave to og!cale, unintentional or not. Even if og!Cale understands why he did what he did.

Did I just log into my dormant account to post this? Yes.

Is this longer than I intended? Also, yes.

Are my fanfic bunnies dead yet? Maybe.

Hope somebody enjoys this one.

[lilmissasap]

a little rant while im on break at my job

okay i know we're supposed to like ghostflower ships but i... i have some thoughts.

i see the love and lust between those two in into the spiderverse, miles is so giggly around gwen and gwen is slightly less unhinged (you ALL know what im getting at, love her but our good sis gwen is.... *hand motion*) etc. allat good stuff.

but i can't see that happening especially w the events of atsv, like there's definitely room for patching up the relationship but anything romantic between the two would feel forced as fuck i feel like. and maybe that's just me being an intensely passionate empath who likes to act like a nonchalant lil asshole, but still. i LOVE gwen, sony set her up beautifully for an amazing character arc that i'm so excited to see in the next one. HOWEVER, also this could just be me being an annoying little afro latina shit, she's not coming back from opening the collectible, going through miles' sketchbook w/o permission, and the shoes on the bed. that doesn't mean i HATE her i just can't look at her the same.

now a bitch is biased because black love is forever 🔛🔝, but also in the comics and video game miles has a black love interest. there was definitely also THE connection w/ miles and margo (however i'm also kinda in favor of prowlerbyte anyway--), and lil old me in the theatre was loosing it. i think that staying true to the aspect of black love interests is also going to be so important for the community, both comic/video game fans and black fans alike, mainly because of how black men interact with black women. speaking from experience i can't even count how many times i wanted to be the short lil white girl with blue eyes and blonde hair instead of the tall and awkward black girl with the wide nose and corkscrew curls. now here's where i think my personal bias kind of skews my opinion on this, but this franchise has been so important to SO many people. again speaking from experience, when i saw miles in atsv with the EXACT same hair texture as me i almost cried because no one in the history of ever has animated my kind of hair right and miles' hair was right. on top of this i saw so many little black boys practically tripping and falling in anticipation to see this movie in theatres. so i think i favor miles having a relationship with a black girl because this will reach such a new audience and possibly open doors for black men and boys to start treating black somebody and girls with respect. because if these little boys in the theatre see their like, idol for lack of a better word, treating black women and girls with respect i think then there's gonna be an aspect of healing within that.

i'm not really sure how well i'm communicating this, but i don't really think i can fully get behind the ghostflower ship. to me it feels really fucking forced in a way that kinda icks me out, however this is not to say i won't absolutely love the shit out of these two if it happens. in a way, this franchise feels like something the black community needs in several ways. like yeah this shit is pro black but FULLY pro black, not pro-black but anti gay, trans, or whatever the fuck. it shows blackness in a new way, artsy and nerdy but also really fucking cool at the same time and i never fucking got that as a little kid. like i kid you not the other black kids in school would call me a wanna be white girl. and to see someone with similar interests as me just sort of opens the world up??? like i visited my older sister at school in the dmv while wearing a spiderverse hoodie, and people actually wanted to talk to me about it!!! like not ina "oh i like ur sweatshirt ma" type thing like a "omg you like this movie too??" type thing and i just--

yeah i def strayed from the topic, but i hope our baby does get his lil black girl (or his lil gwen, from a big sisters perspective i don't hate her as a prospective partner i just think that there would need to be a clear breakdown in the difference of cultures. for example i was taught that anytime you meet anyone formally (like a parent or something) you shake their hand and or go in for a hug and kiss BOTH cheeks and talk about their home their clothes or whatever) but for like the sake of authenticity (sorry to be that asshole but come ON) but like.... flowerbyte 🥰🥰

did this make sense i feel like i word vomited like a bitch, idk maybe i'm projecting my personal shit into a franchise i really like

[just-a-carrot]

I was gonna ask what each of the LIs like most about Iggy, but then I started daydreaming too much about the topic. So, I'm just gonna give you my headcanons, and you can decide how accurate they are. They do veer a bit into the psychoanalysis side, so beware.

[General OW spoiler warning!]

.

.

.

Genzou

Personality: I think he likes how kind and sincere Iggy is. It's obvious that Genzou hates being vulnerable. He always wants to be "in charge" and "on top" of things so as not to be seen as weak. However, Iggy is one of, if not the only person he ever opens up to, and it's easy to see why. Iggy is very non-judgemental. He always has people's best interest in mind and is never malicious (well, except Arc 3...). The only times he ever judges people is out of concern, like when Bucks first ran away in Arc 1 or when he meets Gidget in Wonderland. Also, Iggy doesn't mind being vulnerable around Genzou at all, in fact, he's one of the first people he goes to when things go awry. And I think that helps Genzou feel safer with him as well. If Iggy trusts him with all his wrongs and anxieties, then why shouldn't he do the same? It's also really interesting how a big part of their relationship, from Iggy's perspective, is him feeling safe with Genzou. But I don't think he realizes how safe he makes Genzou feel.

Appearance: I think Genzou likes Iggy's hands. I don't really know why. Maybe it's the fact that hand-holding is a gesture associated with safety. It's seen as a way to keep someone close to you, to always know they're right there near you and keep them from wandering off. And to me that fits really well with the whole theme of their relationship... He also likes his butt too, I guess.

Orlam

Personality: I think he likes how easygoing and understanding Iggy is. Obviously, Orlam has spent a good majority of his life being controlled by others, having to follow somebody else's rules, which is a big part of his wish and character arc as a whole. However, the first person to show him that he doesn't have to submit, that he can make his own rules was Iggy. Even if he still went along with the bullying at times, he was the most sympathetic and understanding towards Orlam. And that follows up into the present. Iggy doesn't expect anything of Orlam, he doesn't try to control him or force him to follow any rules. And he does the same for Iggy. They've got a sort of mutual understanding where both of them just kind of do whatever they want, following their own rules, and not really caring of the other person's wants don't exactly match up with their own. They don't even have to label their relationship as anything, they're just "two people who care about each other". Besides that, however, it's pretty obvious how Orlam likes teasing Iggy. Which I think has to do with a combination of Iggy's more demure nature, but also what I mentioned earlier. His social awkwardness and general cluelessness make him an easy target, but he's also not the type to take the teasing too seriously or make a big deal out of it.

Appearance: I think Orlam likes Iggy's hair. He's always described to be touching it and playing with it, which I find cute. Maybe it's because it feels intimate and tactile without being sexual. I also wanna say he likes his neck, considering... well, I'm sure you can figure out why.

Gidget

Personality: I think Gidget would like Iggy's passion and humor. Underneath all his anxious and self-deprecating tendencies, Iggy can be very enthusiastic and witty. He has or had plenty of interests which he cared a lot about, and he can be very exuberant about them if in the right company. And I feel like Gidget would really enjoy that. It highlights how they have the most in common out of the friend group. They share a lot of interests and have plenty of inside jokes, which shows how close they are. Most of the time they spent together as kids was in the computer lab, bonding over a shared interest, and even in adulthood there's a lot of things that they find mutual interest in. It feels like they can talk about anything to each other and never find it boring. But I also feel like there's another side to this. Envy. Iggy, for the most part, was able to express his interests freely, something that Gidget couldn't. And I feel like as much as they like this about Iggy genuinely, there's still a small part of them that likes it because they also wish they could be like that. In fact, that's kind of something I realized about Gidget's character. They imitated Iggy not just because they wanted to get closer to him, but also because they wanted to be more like him. Iggy's clearly a boy—but he's not hyper masculine, maybe even somewhat androgynous, so it feels like to Gidget used him as a sort of role model for their own appearance and interests. In their mind, the closer they got to being like Iggy, the more they could be perceived in a similar manner gender wise. In other words—gender envy.

Appearance: I think Gidget likes his face, more specifically his eyes. Those are the things that let them most easily see Iggy's emotions. They can see how his eyes light up when he accomplishes something or hears good news, or how they droop when he's about to say something witty or make a reference, or the way they squint when he's hyperfocused on work or a game. It also helps them know when Iggy's uncomfortable or sad so they can chime in and help, even if Iggy himself doesn't wanna admit anything's wrong. I think Gidget would also like his body? Not in a sexual way, of course, I think they'd just find his skinny stature kinda cute. And again, some gender envy may or may not be at play too...

I also just wanna say, it's really impressive how you managed to make all the LIs so unique and likeable in their own ways! Usually, I have a clear favorite when it comes to these things, but this is one of those cases where I don't. Genzou is my favorite in terms of who to ship with Iggy, but I like Orlam the most as a character, and I really enjoy Gidget's routes. They also all play off of each other really well, even when Iggy's not in the picture. They're all incredibly well-written and I commend you for that!

ahhhhhHHHHHHHHHHH

i love these... 🥺

these all feel incredibly accurate??? i really loved reading them, like, seeing how other people interpret the dynamics and how much of my own intentions (or unintentions??? lol) come across in how people read and experience the different relationships and dynamics between the characters. lakjdflasd i love reading analyses like these so much HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

"I think Genzou likes Iggy's hands." -> sob i agree... maybe it's also partly because their hands are so so different from each other, which i think is a wonderful reflection of how they themselves are so different from each other, but still can intertwine so perfectly... owowo... 🥺 i feel like it's a thing i revisit even in a lot of my silly self-indulgent art a lot without realizing it, too LOL and from both sides. i really like drawing iggy with his face in genzou's palm for instance 💦

"I think Orlam likes Iggy's hair." -> I DO SEEM TO WRITE THAT A LOT DON'T I???? i'm only just thinking about it now and realizing it comes up often with these two... 🤣 I like how you mentioned them both just feeling like they can do their own thing without worrying about the other as I feel like that really does form such a crux when it comes to their dynamic. Because they are so different and enjoy such different things, but yet they still act as each other's anchor at the end of the day, a place to come back to.

"In other words—gender envy." -> I NEVER THOUGHT ABOUT THIS BEFORE BUT IT MAKES SO MUCH SENSE???? my gosh... that feels so accurate 🤣 why do i only ever notice stuff like this when others point it out??? this is why i love analyses so much LKDFJASD other people are so much better at noticing and identifying stuff like this... sob. i really love this idea though and think it works really well. also the stuff about them honestly being the most similar of the options, particularly in their interests and their weird inside jokes and all that. i like that about their dynamic

"They're all incredibly well-written and I commend you for that!" -> WEEP THAT'S VERY KIND 😭💕 i'm really happy to hear that, especially as it's one of the things i really wanted to make sure was there in the different options. i really wanted all of the dynamics to be very different while still all feeling like both worthy and realistic options for how the story could end, in a way

THANK YOU FOR THIS THIS WAS SUCH A DELIGHT TO READ???? i am not being hyperbolic in saying that reading analyses really touches my heart and stirs my brain. i just absolutely love hearing how other people interpret the chars or events in the games or the relationships lakjfas

[yellowcry]

And I'm starting to complain there's no rain

As much as Pepa was happy, her sister and her childhood best friend were getting married, she couldn't help but wonder if she's ever gonna meet her special one

@encantober-official prompt — Umbrella

Pepa stared down, trying to breathe. Wind howled around her like a wild wolf. Rain sprinkled. Cold and dry, it fell on the brim of her dress, soaking the bright orange.... And now Pepa was getting more upset because it was so uncomfortable.

Don't get her wrong. She was happy for Julieta. Upon hearing about proposal, Pepa was ready to cry from hapiness. Whirling in a storm of her untamed emotions. Agustin was her best friend as long as Pepa could remember herself. She did have other friends, way more than her reversed siblings, but Fus was the only one this close to her. They were practically attached to the hip. And when Pepa heard about her dear friend first crushing on Julieta, she was overjoyed. Two of them were dating for years now and it seemed like their love never stopped burning, just like Rojas never stopped getting injuries.

They were perfect for each other, and Pepa knew it.

But, as much as she was happy for the two people she loved so much... Part of her was jealous. While Julieta and Agustín had steady and firm love for years, which eventually grew into proposal, Pepa tried to find somebody she would love the same way. But none of her relationship lasted long enough. She was hot-tempted and, well, weather didn't make her look better.

"Señorita?" She heard a concerned voice. "Is everything alright?" Looked up. Short man, Murillo, if Pepa does recall his memory right, stood in front of her, holding an open umbrella. His water soaked clothes was shining in the gray clouds, umbrella like a little sun keeping it warm inside.

Pepa winced in surprise, wind spilled over like a nasty child. Rain clung between her hairs. "Don't worry," she hestitated for a bit. "Félix, right?"

"Sí" He fell onto the bench next to her, the bright yellow umbrella hung over their heads. "You sure you're okay? You look very upset."

Pepa gritted her teeth, rubbing her braid, a couple of orange threads fell on her pale fingers. The rain drummed above her head, playing a childish melody against the fabric. Water ran down drow the edges of open umbrella. Collecting into puddles under her feet.

"My sister is getting married," Pepa breathed out, her throat felt dry. Félix looked up at her, concerned. "I mean, I'm happy for her!" She raised her hands, defending herself just in case. "It's just that she's already proposed and I don't even have anyone on my own!"

There was this fear, worry of what would it mean if she stayed alone for longer. Pepa loved romance! A prince saving his lady in the books was so wonderful. But her own relationships never went greatly. Thanks to her power, nobody wanted to stay wet because she couldn't find that one dress she had always wore on Tuesdays and Saturdays. Or deal with her sometimes childish impulsiveness when a single thing out of her control was enough reason to panic. (And therefore cause some bad weather.)

The look on Félix's face made Pepa look over her shoulders, face pale. Fingers gripped into the back of the bench in worry that she had caused a natural disaster of sort. "I don't believe it." He breathed out. Pepa startled. "There's no chance the most beautiful Señorita in the town doesn't have a tray of potential admirers."

"Well," Pepa counted on her fingers. "The last one broke with me after I almost stroke him with a lighting by accident, before that we just both were too aggresive and fought like..." In a second she stopped. Her fingers rubbing together. "What?" She exhaled, the wind smashed them with a huge force, almost tearing the mushroom out of Señor Murillo's hands. "About me being..."

"The most beautinful woman I ever met." He took her hand, his palms so big. Pepa's eyes widened in surprise. Fog crawled from her tips of her fingers. Her face reddened.

"You actually look very nice too," She muttered, staeing into his deep brown eyes. So amazing that her heart might atrt beating a bot fast. And Félix came to her. He came to support Pepa when he saw her upset. Even if they barely ever spoke, he wasn't close to either of the triplets. And most people would ignore Pepa. Her emotions stopped being an important matter many years ago, when everyone settled with the fact that they had a girl who could start pouring rain by crying. But here, somebody not close to her came out, took an umbrella to shield Pepa from her own weather. And... it was nice.

"Are you free? Relationship-wise?" Pepa clarified, not wanting to cause a problem by accident. The moment Félix nodded his head, a rainbow bloomed over her head (maybe it was a little strange). "We need to go out!" She declared, pressing closer to him before he even had a chance to say a word.

The man winced, his gaze jumped around Pepa's face. Unsure if she was serious. After all she was a Madrigal and way higher class than Murillo. But, who was he to refuse spending time with such a beautiful lady?

[daisyjonesgf]

Kenneth Scott, the man that you are 😍

anyways, billy and muse thoughts but kenneth has been making eyes at muse the whole night and billy’s only just noticed because somebody made a joke that kent might get lucky tonight only for billy to look over and see muse and kent laughing together. He ignores it for a bit and starts sucking faces with some random girl only for an hour or two to pass by and muse and kenneth not be anywhere in the room. So he goes looking for her and kenneth. He finds them out on the balcony of the place they’re partying at. She’s crying, kenneth is attempting to comfort her, he catches a bit of what they’re talking about. Its about him, or what he’s done tonight anyways. Muse didn’t mean to start crying, she just thought they were in a good place at the moment so why is he with some other girl and not her? And then she’s blabbing out apologies for crying and being a buzzkill and kenneth reassures her that he doesn’t care as long as she’s fine (she’s not, that’s obvious) and muse goes on to explain a bit of how their relationship works (totally loyalty to billy, none to muse) and kenneth asks her how that’s fair. Muse has no answer, billy stops eavesdropping and leaves (he’s spiralling, a bunch of ‘why is she still with me?’ ‘why am I doing this to her?’ ‘I’m only hurting her more by being with her’ ‘she deserves better’ ‘she should be with someone else, maybe kenneth’ and all that sad angsty shit)

also this bit random but i might be a bit of an absent anon for a couple of months, nothing bad tbh. the reasons are actually very angel and graham-core

-❤️‍🩹

we'll miss you so much pookie, and we love some angel graham core 💕 you'll be missed so so very much, and take care of yourself babes, we love youuuu ❤️

kenneth scott is just a silly little guy who will always be loved, and at first he did have a tiny crush on muse, but they really just ended up being great friends and he is so there for her after that night

bc billy is a cheater he's paranoid that everyone else is cheating (and to be clear muse ofc does cheat on him with eddie after a while, but this happens before that happens) but kent rn still kind of things he stands chance with muse bc he's just assuming this is an open relationship (so later when he makes that comment to billy that gets him punched it is totally just kent being petty for muse bc he knows he's not actually going to sleep with her 😭) so he's flirting with her, just paying attention to muse so of course she's laughing, and having fun, someone is actually paying attention to her but then she looks over to see billy making out with some girl in the corner and it just makes her so melancholy

"sorry, i just need some air." and muse is excusing herself but kent is following her because he can tell she's upset

"what's wrong?" he's asking as a cigarette is being lit up

"don't worry about it, I'm not trying to be a drag on your night, go have fun."

"I'm not gonna have fun if I'm worried about you, what's going on?" and the idea that someone wouldn't be able to just go do whatever they wanted bc they'd be thinking about her feelings is what makes her burst out crying, and kent is immediately hugging her, trying to comfort her, "hey, it's okay." she just cries for a while and then eventually the tears have lessened enough that she pulls away and it wiping them off her face, "it's about billy isn't it?" and her silence is all the answer he needs, "you guys aren't actually open are you?"

and muse is laughing, kind of real, kind of sarcastically, "open? is that what people think?" kent is nodding, "can't be open if we're not really together."

"what? but the way he acts, the songs, the pictures, hell, it's not like he corrects people who say you are, and don't you live with the guy?"

"yeah." muse says with a small smile and shrug, "exactly." another round of tears is trying to force their ways out, "look I'm used to it, just go enjoy your night, I'll be fine really."

"just because you act that way doesn't mean it's true." then kent is scoffing a little bit, looking out at the view and ground, "fuck, if he treats you that bad, why don't you leave?"

"i love him." and she says it like it's the most obvious thing in the world.

kent nods, "okay, so how does it work? what happened tonight?"

muse laughs again and the tears are forcing their way through, she's trying to cover her face on and off, "i don't know, i really don't. i mean usually it's just when he's upset or scared, i guess upset because he's scared, he's lashing out. i don't know what happened tonight, i think i could be exactly who he wanted me to be and it would just scare him more, it's my fault for thinking we were good, that we were in a better place, but you just never fucking know."

"and you don't-"

"no." she says so quickly, "there's no else for me."

"maybe you should. I'm not saying with me, but sometimes you have to take the power back for yourself." there's just a silence, but he's definitely planted seeds that lead to what happens with eddie. "it's not your fault you know."

there's a pause before she laughs and goes, "i know that."

"no, it's not your fault, there's nothing wrong with you, it's not your fault." and muse is bawling again and kent swoops in to hug her, "this isn't fair to you and I know you know that, but it doesn't hurt to hear it said out loud."

unbeknownst to the both of them billy has heard the majority of this and is feeling so guilty, and part of him wants to lash out because of the pain, but the larger parts of just is so consumed with how much better muse deserves, and he spends most of his night smoking cigarette after cigarette while leaning on the hood of his car, thinking about everything that was said until muse comes and finds him

"are you okay? no one's seen you in a while."

"leave me."

"what?"

"you should leave me?"

muse can't help but laugh, roll her eyes, shake her head, "i'm not gonna do that."

"all i do is hurt you, i love you and i lash out, i'm hurting you. go get better, you deserve better."

"billy do you think I don't know that? I don't care. I want you, I love you, not anyone else, and I'm delusional enough to think eventually something will change."

"and what if it doesn't?"

"then I guess this was my life, but I have hope even if you don't."

and then billy is the one who actually cries and muse is the one hugging and comforting him

again you will be so missed ❤️‍🩹 anon mwah 💋

[espoopee]

Okay so I'm back

It's been a couple of years since I've decided to actually use Tumblr for any other reason than to look at aesthetic stoners making pretty bowls with their crystal bongs or whatever.

The truth is, I'm once again in a pretty dark place in my life because I just had a 5-year relationship end pretty terribly, and not even of my own fault (objectively!!!). This is pretty much the only place I can talk about it because my ex would see the reactions and emotions I post on other social media and he would, for whatever reason, retaliate by blocking/unfollowing/whatever and just generally punishing me for being open about how I feel.

I'm not good. I feel so beat up and I even just got a new job that I really can't fuck up because it'll spell out the rest of my career for me. I really don't know why, but I really just crave some sort of apology or show of remorse from my ex.

For context, we broke up because... at this point, IDK. My ex said it was because at the time, I had no job and he was tired of opening his wallet for me for dates. Fine, that's totally valid. He wouldn't give me a chance, and I couldn't get a say. Bad. But the thing is, we never talked about this in person. He broke up with me via chat. It's one of the things that I quickly learned I shouldn't take lightly and I have to demand a proper breakup from him, especially since the circumstances weren't even that drastic. He refused, and kept avoiding me. He was kinda scathing to talk to when I could, always bringing up the reason for us breaking up. When I bring up that I no longer care why he broke up with me (since we're no longer together) and that I care more about the way he treats me post-breakup (since we have 5 years of experiences, many of which are good), he freezes and it's so obvious he feels some sort of guilt and he didn't think that far ahead. I just wish I was smarter in taking advantage of that.

It's been almost a month since it happened. At first, I didn't even know we broke up, because he didn't say anything. I had to go look at his twitter bio and see that he removed me without even telling me or warning me, and that's when it actually happened.

I just don't really know how to move forward, since this whole thing was pretty much forced upon me. I get that I have the option to accept it, but the way it happened is obviously gonna affect the way I feel and do things. I didn't get a proper breakup, of course I'm gonna feel some rage. I didn't get closure, so I'm gonna be constantly confused. I didn't even get to say goodbye, so it's gonna take a long while to realize that we're really no longer together, and that any form of reconciling isn't on the table.

I'm just in disbelief that a person can be that callous. How in the world can you leave somebody behind so hurt and confused? He always said he was hurt too, and stressed or whatever. I never really knew what to do with that information, because being hurt and confused doesn't make you immune to responsibility.

I don't even know where to begin when I tell people what happened. I know it's kind of selfish, but I really want someone to have my back when I tell them how much I've been hurt. He had his immature friends bully me during the breakup. It's wild, but I kinda wish I didn't have "mature" friends who think it's best if I just let them be and move on. I guess I'm looking for justice for myself, when no one else would.

If for any reason you Tumblr lovelies are still reading this, be assured that I'm fine, and don't have any plans on offing myself any time soon. I mean, I guess I did two weeks ago, but I was quickly reminded of what a terrible idea that is. I'm trying my best to cope and keep busy, despite my situation being stuck at home for the meantime. I might use Tumblr more often as a sort of journal/diary. The more I talk to my friends, the more I realize they just listen and don't do anything else, so if it's any consolation, I'll just use Tumblr to let ALL my thoughts out, no matter how negative.

[myfaveisfuckable]

Rants!

Jane/Amelia: Ok my love for this ship started a million years ago with this video:

But seriously they are so much fun. Amelia is one of the few people smart enough to keep up with Jane and challenge her, and Jane is one of the few people so consistently principled that Amelia would actually be able to trust her and let her guard down. Amelia is the Captain who can take Jane wherever she wants to go to perform her research, and they get to open doors for each other. Plus let's be real, Jane hooking up with an alien sounds 100% right that girl is not capable of having a vanilla relationship.

Hope Diyoza/Echo: Listen barely anyone even watched the last season of that show, most of us sapphics lost interest post Lexa but it's such a tragedy. My girl Hope is only in that season and so many people dislike her 8( anyway the fandom immediately agreed that Hope was a lesbian and then Echo entered her storyline and fam. How the writers didn't see it is beyond me. It's been almost three years and it's looking like I'm never gonna get over them. "You must think I'm so weak..." - 'No. The opposite." Hhhh and Hope killing for Echo when she wasn't even able to do that for her father figure. Oh god and "How could you let her do this!?" - "Because I want her to." My little babies off to (attempt to) commit genocide :') other highlights include some cowards not wanting to ship Hope with her aunt's brother's ex-girlfriend (there was time fuckery involved, they're close in age when they meet, also who cares?? the CHEMISTRY), Echo Spy Shenanigans TM and the fact that I still want to write that Mamma Mia AU every time I hear an abba song. Lord help me now I want to rewatch s7 for them again

(second submission from the same person)

Hi hello sorry if this is a double submission I don't remember if i submitted them or dreamt it shout out to my adhd. ANYWAY Hope and Echo ruined my life back in 2020 literally thought about them 24/7 from june until October. Picture this: feral girl child of two terrorists who was isolated her whole life, literally nearly alone on a planet for 20yrs and has only truly known exactly 3 people ever and then matured through trauma trauma ptsd trauma and is now determined as All Fuck to go rescue her mother and aunt figure meets ex child soldier master spy redeemed antagonist who only learned what feelings are and how to deal with them a few years ago who is determined to go save her lame ass bf who is bein held in the same place as the other girl's mum and aunt. They join forces and train together and teach each other everything they know and get matching haircuts (this is canon look it up I'm obsessed). The first time Hope kills somebody is to save Echo's life; the first unfamiliar person Echo hugs and comforts is Hope. They invade a planet with their science nerd friend and enable each others genocidal tendencies so bad I love them ��� after that whole ordeal goes wrong which includes Echo's shitty bf dumping her so she can't keep him from torturing their friend (notably not because of the attempted genocide lol) they are like each other's go to human at all times... until the 100 writers once again show their incapability of writing sapphic stories by forcing Hope to kiss a man who she met literally like a week ago (her and Echo have known each other for 5yrs at that point, there is time fuckery involved) and who would have been a great bestie for her. Boo! Hope is a lesbian! Every queer person who watched s7 agrees! Anyway after she show ends Hope and her boo realise that this is absolutely not what they want and Hope and Echo get to slow burn their way into what they were always meant to be and would have been if the writers had gone with actor chemistry over what they wanted to write from the start. I'm kidding Echo needed time to grieve her shit bf first but like I said. Eventually they got together and they lived happily ever after. Check the Echope tag on tumblr if you wanna see them, a fic rec for their dynamic could be "otherwise sensible women" by penguinofprose ao3. Sorry if I ranted too much thenksies if you read this far mwah :*

[ariaste]

I've also been getting annoyed about this lately! I agree with all of the above, AND I have another couple of flawed features to point out about this type of language.

FIRST: "Normalize [thing]" and "Destigmatize [thing]" are imperative sentences. Not only that, they are singularly useless imperative sentences. Why? Because no individual is ever capable of personally destigmatizing something all by themself. By the very definition of the words, those are not actions that a single person can ever take: Destigmatization is a collective, communal process that happens slowly over time and throughout society, and it happens with baby steps: educating people, inviting persuadable people into conversations and connections, and the small, everyday, unglamorous actions we take towards positive change ("Volunteer!" "Donate!" "Don't try to pet service dogs when they're working!" "Excuse me, can you spare a dollar? Oh, thank you!" "Pass the salt, please!"). THOSE are useful imperatives because they are directly, individually actionable. Destigmatization itself is not actionable -- it is the END RESULT of a lot of people doing a bunch of other, smaller actions. So if you're going to go around making imperative statements and telling people what to do, at least point them in the direction of something they CAN do.

Except, whoops, fun fact: Humans really hate being told what to do. If your goal is to advocate for [thing] to be more accepted and acknowledged, then using this kind of rhetorically forceful shorthand might not actually be serving the goal you're pursuing. Sure, the people who already agree with you will also be nodding along and saying "Yes, destigmatize [thing]".... But for the people who don't know about [thing], the people you're trying to reach and educate, the people who are PERSUADABLE -- those people, since they are humans, still really hate being told what to do. At best, their reaction is "[shrug] whatever, I don't have a horse in this race." At middle, their reaction is "Uh, don't tell me what to do." At worst, it's "Fuck you, I'm gonna dig in my heels and say no for other reason but the fact you got imperative at me." (We all know somebody like that.)

A more effective persuasive tactic is to use an I-statement (we know about this as a best-practice for resolving relationship arguments, yes? But it works in many other circumstances as well). Examples:

Normalize trans rights. -> I support trans rights.

Destigmatize mental illness. -> I wish it was easier to talk openly about mental illness.

Normalize giving your friends flowers for Valentine's Day. -> I'm going to give my friends flowers on Valentine's Day, I want to make this a thing!

SECOND: Notice how the normalize/destigmatize statements implicitly erase you from the conversation. This is a problem for two reasons -- For one thing, your voice is important, and your opinion is important. For another thing, humans are so much more easily persuaded when there is another human involved, rather than an empty, near-meaningless, passive echo-chamber statement. It's like the difference between active voice and passive voice: "I read the book" versus "The book was read". The human brain is hardwired to find the former more interesting and engaging -- we're a social species!

Now, I'm not saying that merely switching your language is going to ✨magically✨ make your bigoted uncle stop saying bigoted things -- that particular project is always going to take a lot more hard work! But your aunt (you know, the one who has never been socially permitted to consider her own mental health even once?) is going to respond much differently to that "I wish" statement than she does to the "Destigmatize" statement. Why? Because she doesn't know what to say in response to the "Destigmatize" statement. She's not online, my guy, she doesn't know that meme, and even if she did, it doesn't leave an opening for a personal response. On the other hand, if you say something along the lines of "I wish it was more acceptable to talk openly about mental illness", then she might be curious about what you mean; she might express worry about whether you're doing okay; she might, through the course of the ensuing conversation, tentatively open up to you about her own struggles, whether that's with post-partum depression or alcoholism or anxiety or that nebulous "sometimes it's just... it's just really hard :(" feeling she doesn't know how to label.

THIRD: Repeating something ad nauseum is a way of carving it into your brain... except the thing you're implicitly re-emphasizing to yourself might not be the thing you actually want to learn. Using a lot of imperative-focused language reaffirms a worldview that there is a Single Correct Way for people to behave, and that way is the way that You Personally Have Espoused, and that therefore You Can Never Be Wrong. That's... kind of a fucked up worldview to have -- it is the one of the building blocks of fascism and authoritarianism. It also reduces our capacity for nuance, flexibility, openness to new perspectives, critical thinking, and a tolerance for enough of a margin of error that we can extend grace and forgiveness for people who are still learning (and so that we can receive grace and forgiveness from others when WE are still learning). If we believe that we can never be wrong, then what happens when eventually we're wrong about something? Disaster.

The I-statements, on the other hand, implicitly emphasize to your worldview that while your voice and opinion ARE important, they are YOURS -- and therefore other people's voices and opinions also have room to be important as well. Speaking personally, when I use I-statements, I feel more empowered as an individual. I feel like I have stood up for my beliefs and done a small brave thing by expressing what *I* think -- ME! Not a faceless crowd that I can lose myself in (and therefore lose my agency, my sense of responsibility, and perhaps even my ethics), but Me! Myself!

FINALLY: If I say "Destigmatize giving your friends flowers for Valentine's Day" then that doesn't tell my brain that I have to do anything different or be part of the change I want to see in the world. Structuring the sentence that way gives me permission to lay around and continue on exactly as I have before, and make no adjustments to my own behavior, and wait around for giving-friends-flowers to be a Thing before I start participating in it. But if I say, "I really want to give my friends flowers for Valentine's" or "I'm going to give my friends flowers for Valentine's" -- now that's a PLAN. That makes my brain go, "Oh! Right! I can take action! I have agency! I can be the change I want to see in the world! Things become unremarkable when I make them unremarkable! I do not have to wait for the faceless crowd of Society to collectively shift, I do not have to do things on Society's schedule! I CAN JUST DO IT."

Flowers on Valentine's Day is a funny, lighthearted example, but I'm sure that you can see how impactful that linguistic change would be for more serious issues (Example: "Destigmatize mental illness" versus "I'm going to make sure my family knows they can talk to me about their mental health struggles, and I'm going to be warm and supportive and compassionate when they do"). Notice as well that it is much HARDER to say something that's an actual fucking commitment. "It's terrible how the elderly are treated; we need to normalize volunteering at nursing homes" is muuuuuch easier to say than, "You know what, I'm going to call around to nursing homes and see if I can volunteer, I'd love to play some board games with grandmas."

Conclusion: In the words of the ancient sages, "If you want something done, you gotta do it yourself." You're allowed to be part of the change. You're allowed to stand up for your beliefs as YOURSELF. You're allowed to talk about why YOU PERSONALLY care about the things you find important. You do not have to erase your individuality to be progressive -- and in fact, it is your individuality that gives you the power to personally be a force for good in the world.

'can we normalize this'

'we need to normalize that'

can you all shut the fuck up for a minute and reconsider how constantly demanding normalization only retrenches the moral position that weird = bad?

like no you're not actually going to be able to normalize a lot of stuff, because it's statistically unusual or aberrant. you can't normalize shit that is not by any definition normal.

what you need to do is fucking stand up for the weirdos, freaks, and deviants, and remind everyone who is normal that their position just makes them normal. not good, not right, not correct, not better, not perfect, not beyond reproach or improvement.

being weird isn't bad. stop normalizing that, already.

[when-did-this-become-difficult]

La Reina Del Sur 3 thoughts below the cut, starting with ships and going on to other random stuff

Batman x Sheila - killed dead for me by absolutely agonizing pro-life messaging and HIM TRYING TO FORCE HER TO HAVE HIS BABY AND BLOCK HER FROM GETTING AN ABORTION????

Faustino x Rocío - this wasn't too bad because they did really give them a full arc and whatnot and Rocío's actress totally demolished that death scene (complimentary) but he was weirdly cheery throughout and her death wasn't mentioned very consistently until the very end when he went in for revenge. Psychologically unrealistic, for me.

Mateo x Sofía - undeniably cute but near the end I feel like Sofía underappreciated him and probably *really* didn't get the extent to which his background in extreme poverty and addiction (possibly also racism/colorism?) was really making him feel alienated from the group. i admit she's just a teenage girl and that's fair but like somebody out here needs to appreciate him thank God for Faustino...I want a happier life for Mateo than just Not Being Jailed, if it's not going to be a happy relationship with Sofía that's fine but I need more

Sofía x Fedor - undeniably cute period but the show just kinda went eyes emoji at this ship and had people having conversations about it, but gave us no actual substance :/ I don't consider this ship as having canonically sailed

Teresa x Oleg - *chef's kiss* beautiful pining and devotion Oleg, nobody is doing it like this man, and even though Teresa has made many declarations of trust and affection to him, they've never been romantic/sexual and she's never shown romantic/sexual interest in him I feel like in another world (or fanfic) in which she genuinely is in love with him, then great! but as it is it kinda feels like she wants to be in a platonic friendship 4 lyfe and he just can't take it anymore and that's fair he deserves boundaries etc etc etc idk how sustainable this is???? They're so hot together tho and obviously action couple battle couple I *want* it. but like. it's not happening and indeed it didn't happen los escritores no me dieron ni un pinshe besito or whatever man im not crying you're crying

Teresa x Pablo - God they were so hot and like HIGH QUALITY HOT but then during the back half of the season the writers/actors/directors decided nah no more chemistry but without a proper explanation or development??? which made his eventual death hit way less hard. because by then there was no romantic or sexual chemistry so the reveal that the key to his bank account was her birthday hit way less hard and they didn't kiss *even when she knew he was dying* which I interpret as honesty on her part in deciding she wasn't into him in that way but god in terms of shipping they would've done so much better to take him outta the picture halfway rather than like severely underbake this relationship which was initially such a point of focus & so thrilling. I will say that maybe I'm biased because his thing with rescuing his dad never failed to tug on my heartstrings and they killed him like, two seconds after that, but still????? I feel like he should've gone off on a high note or at least if they decided to go platonic in the back half they should've been more explicit about that and she should've told him that they should be just friends as ruthlessly as she did to Oleg just to make it all clear/come together. either that or have her legit have feelings for him so that when she's in the car thinking back on their kiss it actually means something. you can't have both

Susana x Genoveva - they no homo'd this so hard on Genoveva's part and that was very mean. can I not have a little bit of lesbians can they not just...leave it more open ended??????? come on???????? Genoveva girl are you really gonna have this woman KISSING YOUR HANDS and then be like wait actually nope what's . what's going on here????? I demand to speak to the authorities (but Susana and Danilo giggling about her feelings for Genoveva early on? that was the real mlm wlw solidarity and I loved it)

Danilo needs a really nice boyfriend not one of these schemey guys he's been with in the past rip to Antonio who was prolly the best of them but like ???? erm. I just need a real insider type like if Susana has a brother or smth that would do the trick for me. cannot believe that Epifanio exploited him like that that was also so so mean fuuuuuck

Ernie (lol) x Kosar - LOL!!!!!! this one tickled me ngl I love that they broke up Like That, it was so mean, and I honestly felt bad for him for approximately 0.01 seconds too so they did well with it

also I know nobody is thinking about this ship but me but erm lowkey let's say after a two or three year time jump, Faustino x Paloma is kinda a possibility for me????? let that one marinate. the angst of it all and also they're both very hot and they're both like, scheming a lot. sure he refers to her as his sister-in-law nonstop but...time will do wonders?? for me???

shoutout to the hotel lady and the security guy I hope they get rich and have a nice time free of their old evil boss, I feel like they had one of the real friendship vibes and they were genuinely just trying to do the right thing/protect the hotel as was their job and the hotel lady GENUINELY was drugged which was probably traumatic...also I must say that even though Karen was evil I kinda loved her and I was pretty down for her and Fredy oops

I think it's very funny that Teresa is now being known as some type of woman saving folk hero because this is all so insanely far from reality when it comes to drug traffickers which is what she was like the ties between the drug trade and femicide???? but ok sure we'll go with that we do enjoy traffickers getting shot in the head. sure.

the plotting was pretty intricate and well done, I think! creative! much to learn from it actually if i think about it

Kate del Castillo is erm. very controversial but I must say her arms in this???? her muscles in general? that woman is so incredibly ripped and I, you must say I'm very normal about it (lying)

glad I watched it, probably won't rewatch every single episode but might go back to rewatch specific scenes

RIP Anton and Jonathan and Rocío. RIP General Garrido and Genoveva's dad. fuck Montaño and fuck Charlie all my homies hate Charlie

AND FUCK YOU EPIFANIO!!!!!!!! I KNEW A WOMAN HAD TO KILL HIM AND I WAS RIGHT. WORLD AS IT SHOULD BE AMEN. MY ONLY REGRET IS THAT HIS KILLER WASNT GENOVEVA