#and I'm not going to say it was completely unjustified. because again I was a weird kid

[vitiateoriginator]

Finding the blogs of some of your ex-friends is so wild

[em-harlsnow]

people don't get Ian like I do. People spend so much time defending Ian for all his actions, pretending as if he did no wrong and simultaneously ignoring how much Ian loves Mickey. I hate when people act like Mickey loves Ian so much more than Ian loves Mickey.

More after the line, it's pretty long:

Because I don't agree that Ian fell first and Mickey fell harder. I think they both fell at around the same time, it just hit harder for Mickey because he was so closeted. And then when he finally decides he's with Ian and that's that and it also means having his father hate him, Mickey clings to Ian. He made a decision, it's Ian, and he won't let it go.

On the surface, what mickey's done for Ian looks much bigger than what Ian did for mickey. For example, Mickey going to prison for Ian. But the reasoning behind him doing that was to save his life because Ian is not the type to do well in prison, sorry.

When it came to Mexico, some people seem to act like Ian was entirely unjustified for not going with him. In a real life relationship it would be mad to follow an escaped convict to a completely different country illegally. Ian would have had to leave his family, stability, a job he loved. He also would have put Mickey in the position of being alone in helping Ian with his bipolar disorder. Ian was stable then, and he didn't want to go off his meds or have them stop working and fuck up Mickey's chance. That could end up with Mickey dead or back in prison.

But he still wanted to spend time with Mickey before he left. I'm undecided about whether Ian always knew he wasn't going to cross the border or if he realised it half way through or just as they got there. Plenty of people wouldn't follow an escaped convict anywhere, no matter how much they love them. But Ian did, still putting his safe life at risk for Mickey. That's still a huge act of love.

Then there's Ian giving Mickey all his life savings so that Mickey would have a fighting chance down there. Why do people skip over that so much? That's selfless and kind and a real display of love.

Mickey's acts of love seem bigger, but that's often because they have to be. Mickey had to come out so that he could be happy, and unfortunately that meant getting almost killed by Terry. It was an unavoidable reality. I don't agree with Ian pushing him so much for it, but hey ho.

Ian got the shit beat out of him by Mickey right after witnessing his boyfriend getting raped, and Ian still wanted to stick around for him. The only reason he didn't in the end was because he wasn't going to be Mickey's mistress, he couldn't handle being someone's sidepiece again and especially not Mickey's sidepiece. Which is so fair from Ian. If Mickey had asked him to stay, Ian would have and I fully believe that.

Then there's season 5. Ian cheated, which is shitty for Mickey. He was also manic, and you can see in the mirror scene after Ian comes out of the bathroom that he doesn't feel too good about it. I don't personally know what mania is like, but I've seen a lot of bipolar people saying Ian was pretty accurate representation. I hate the ableist narrative that Ian's hyper sexuality meant he didn't give a shit about Mickey. He did give a shit. He looked after Mickey's son, and he looked devastated when Mickey yelled at him, when he realised how much he'd hurt Mickey.

Everything that people say about season 5 pisses me off, because Ian going with Monica instead of home is textbook 'not wanting to be someone's problem'. I don't support what Ian did at the dugouts, but I can understand it because Ian was trying to get back what he thought he'd lost, with Mickey not treating him like he was made of glass.

And the break-up. Again, textbook 'not wanting to be someone's problem'. Textbook 'I'm different now and he wants the old me'. Textbook 'I dont want to hurt him anymore'.

Then season 6 and Ian says some awful things about Mickey and has to be paid to visit. That's shitty. But the idea of seeing Mickey behind glass and not being able to see him properly would have sucked. Also, Ian broke up with the guy. He was under no obligation to visit him and he also didn't want to be his problem. He saw himself as a problem and he didn't want Mickey to have to deal with that. I think he wanted Mickey to have better. It's, again, textbook insecurity.

Ian saw the weight Monica put on his family, on Fiona and Lip and him and all the kids. He remembered the pain of Monica leaving and then coming back and he didn't want to do that to Mickey. He probably saw Frank being all fucked up over Monica going again, which must have been a part of it. (not defending either frank or monica here, just saying).

Ian shouldn't have said all the things he did about Mickey, but it was his way of coping. It would have been nice for Mickey to have had more support from Ian during his time in prison, but it wouldn't have done much. He would still be in prison, but it might have been better if he knew Ian loved him.

In season 9x06, Ian immediately kisses Mickey. There's no hesitation for him. I love fics that explore Ian being with Trevor or something when Mickey comes out of jail and having to choose between them and struggling, but I think it's a bit unrealistic. Whenever they're in each other's vicinity they can't seem to keep apart. If Mickey hadn't gone to prison after the break up, I think it would have taken them a couple of months at best to at least start fucking again. It would be complicated, but Ian would choose Mickey every time. He does, when Mickey goes off to Mexico. If Mickey had just been released instead of escaping, Trevor would be forgotten like a weird dream.

Then season 10. It's not bad that Ian wanted to leave. It was prison, for God's sake, he didn't want to be there. But the second Mickey said he wanted Ian to stay, Ian was ready to stab a guy. Ian isn't the type to stab people, but he was ready to for Mickey. I would have liked for the show to have more sweet moments between them in prison instead of just the squabbling, but we got what we got. I didn't love Ian stabbing Chester to go to solitary. Again, though, Ian was trying to stop them from breaking up. he wanted them to have some space so that they would stay together. he's shit at communicating that, but so is everyone in Shameless.

Ian welcomes Mickey back into the Gallagher house with open arms. He doesn't want to marry Mickey because, again, he doesn't want Mickey to be stuck with him, he doesn't want to be his 'problem'. He says it at the courthouse. But if it's between being scared or losing Mickey, Ian chooses being scared. Because he proposes to Mickey despite having doubts about it, and he beats up Mickey's date for talking shit.

That's the type of love Mickey understands.

Ian wanted to marry Mickey in the first place to protect him, so that he wouldn't go back to prison, again despite Ian's reservations about marriage. The courthouse scene hurts, but I understand both Ian and Mickey's perspectives, even if Mickey took it too far with the punch.

They get married, and Ian lets Mickey have anything he wants for it. Then in Season 11, Ian pushes Mickey to move to the Westside because he wants better for him. But when Mickey doesn't want to and seems upset about it, Ian doesn't care about wasting the money he spent on a lease and says he'll stay with Mickey. It's not about wanting to change Mickey, it's about wanting a nicer life.

The whole monogamy conversation makes me want to bash their heads together like Barbie dolls. I think they both didn't want to sleep with others and didn't want the other to either, but then were too anxious to say it out loud. It's plain stupidity from both of them.

Even when Ian thinks Mickey has forgotten their anniversary, he ignores his own hurt from that and comforts Mickey about the whole being a bad dad, having a kid thing.

Also: I pretend Hall of Shame after the first thirty seconds never happened, so I'm not commenting on it. The writing was so poor.

Anyway, back to my point. Ian loves mickey as much as mickey loves Ian, there were just more opportunities for Mickey to do huge gestures. And when Ian could have done huge gestures, there are logical and pretty selfless reasons why I think he didn't.

That was very long. Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk.

[wave2tyun]

killshot | ☆

pairing: taehyun x fem!reader

genre: spy!au, enemies to lovers, fake dating, slow burn, suggestive, a bit of fluff and angst

summary: your life seemed to have taken a turn for the worse the minute kang taehyun stepped foot into the spy agency you worked at. wanting to take on a challenge to prove yourself worthy of the top position, your plans were turned upside down with his addition to the mission. you didn’t think things could get any worse, until they stated one clear, mandatory condition: the two of you had to pretend you were a couple.

warnings: lots of swearing, alcohol consumption, the reader gets tipsy (twice), mentions of death, guns and bombs (there’s nothing explicit though), the presence of an annoying drunk man | let me know if i missed something!!

word count: 9.7k

a/n: this was just a silly little idea that i got during a car drive asdbfhj whenever i repost fics i always kind of get the urge to say "omg this was one of my favorite fics to write" - i think it's because i end up getting so attached to the little universes that i create and then look back on them fondly; with this one, i really really mean it when i say those words (maybe because it's also longer). when i first posted it i actually felt like i gave birth cause it got SO MUCH LONGER than i anticipated ASBHJDS

☆ = repost from my old blog!!

"no."

"hear me out-"

"i'm not hearing anybody out. i'm doing this alone- just like we intended from the start" you hissed.

"y/n, we went over this already" irene pinched the bridge of her nose, sighing "the enemy has changed their plan of action, so we need to change it too. it's not safe for you to go alone anymore"

"that i can understand. but him-" you pointed an accusatory finger to the man in front of you “why does he need to be involved in this? there have to be other suitable agents for this mission”

“trust me, darling, if i could do this alone, i would” he replied bitterly, rolling his eyes.

“listen you two- these orders came directly from the head office. they want you to work on this, not anybody else- and there’s nothing that i can do to change this.” irene crossed her arms. she was completely tired of the way you were both behaving- just like two kids continuously throwing sand in each other’s eyes.

“fine.” you gave in, biting your tongue and swallowing your pride. there was no use being stubborn if the head office was involved, the best thing you could do in this situation was to choose being the bigger person.

irene raised an eyebrow at taehyun, waiting for his response as well.

“fine-“ he repeated after you, throwing daggers towards your direction. you were glad to know the feeling of disgust was mutual.

“finally” irene exclaimed, letting out a big sigh “took you long enough. here’s the modified plan papers. remember- there’s no way i’m allowing you to back out anymore”

you took the small stack of papers from her hands, skimming through the text. gather the gadgets and weapons, bla bla bla, disarm the bomb hidden at the event, bla bla bla, protect france’s president, bla bla bla, disguise yourself as a couple- wait.

“are you fucking kidding me- am i reading this right?” you spat out, eyes almost popping out at the sight. you went over the passage again and again, hoping that you had simply misread it- but there it was, black ink on white paper, the word written clear as day: “couple”

irene massaged her temples with her hands “in order for this mission to be carried out with ease, we need you to act as a cou-“

“no” you both said in unison, cutting her off.

you side-eyed taehyun, somehow feeling offended that he also declined the proposal right away. you knew you had your reasons to not accept that condition- but why was he saying “no”?

kang fucking taehyun- his name alone felt like poison on your tongue.

but it wasn’t like your hatred towards him was unjustified- in fact, you couldn't remember if there was even one second- let alone one day- where him just breathing didn’t make you feel like plotting murder. one day, he just strutted into the agency, acting like he owned the place. he was quick to gain respect from his superiors, his charms alone making it easier for him to receive more complicated missions- and better equipment. you being mad was an understatement. why? just because he was a man, he had it all easy. he has been in the agency for just one year, and he has already surpassed you in ranks, all of the hard work you’ve been putting in for years going down the drain.

you’ve been relentlessly trying to regain your honorable place in the agency. kang taehyun was quick to catch on to your little act, and he wasn’t one to back off easily either- resulting in the two of you being at each other’s necks every second. you viewed this mission as what could have possibly been ‘your redemption arc’. the universe somehow always found a way to get him involved in your business. but this time, you weren’t gonna let him steal your spotlight- not again. you needed to find a way to secure the number one place in rankings like you used to, and you were willing to do whatever it took to feel that glory one more time, even if that meant cooperating with the kang taehyun.

“if you die, i’ll kill you” you hissed.

“big words coming from someone who stands on a chair to reach the top shelves” he fought back, unfazed by your threat. your mouth opened at this accusation, when did he even catch you doing that?

“you piece of-“

“enough” irene sighed, moving to stand between the two of you “you’re gonna bring back my migraines if you keep on acting like that. can’t you treat each other as normal people do? just this once- please? you’re only making this harder for yourselves”

you sighed, rubbing the nape of your neck. irene was a sweetheart, she didn’t deserve to be the victim of your petty fight “when do we have to start?”

her eyes seemed to light up a bit, relieved by your change in attitude “as soon as possible” she skimmed through her notes again “the earliest flight is in 3 days- how about it?”

“that’s okay for me” you said. you silently glanced over at taehyun, who rolled his eyes, uncrossing his arms “guess i’m in too”.

・・・・・・・・・・・・・・

5 hours.

that was the amount of time you had to endure sitting next to taehyun on the flight. you could handle this, you tried to tell yourself. you’ve been in much worse situations during some of your missions. in the end, it didn’t necessarily mean that the two of you had to interact during that time. you could just sleep the whole flight away and not have to exchange a word with taehyun once.

wrong.

kang taehyun just seemed to love seeing you suffer, in any way, shape or form. it had you seriously contemplating whether he was some kind of sadist. you thought you could at least go through check in and security without any unpleasant incidents happening, but you were wrong- so painfully wrong.

you arrived two hours early to the airport, wanting to get done with the whole process as fast as possible then hide from taehyun at the food court until it was time for you to board the plane. however, two minutes after you took your place in the check-in line, your peace was disrupted.

“you’re early- were you that eager to see me, sweetheart?”

your eye was twitching at the sound of the nickname. you didn’t even have to turn your head to the right to know who was next to you.

“why did it have to be you here at this hour?” you grumbled.

“crazy- it’s almost as if we’re on the same flight” he rolled his eyes “don’t even think about going to the back of the line- we have the same last name on the tickets so we shouldn’t go separately anyway”

you loosened your grip on the suitcase and bit your cheek, it was like he knew your exact thoughts at the moment. the whole thing was all too corny for you- why did the company have to change your name and give you new documents? just because you were ‘a couple’ didn’t mean that you had to be married as well.

security didn’t exactly go smooth either- as if the whole process wasn’t already stressful enough. you should have been suspicious the moment taehyun let you sit in front of him at the line. at that moment, you just brushed it off and thought nothing of it, but when the metal detector went off as you were walking through- that’s when it all clicked.

that little fucker slipped one of his rings in your pocket.

a string of unholy words was running wildly in your mind as the security patted you down to search for any suspicious items. you wished you could jump on him and wipe that grin off his face. he somehow felt the need to embarrass you even further once the ring had been found. he put on a charming smile as he rubbed the nape of his neck, looking up at the security lady “so sorry for my wife- she tends to be quite clumsy, i told her before to check well before walking away from me”

the lady melted down in an instant, letting out a bunch of ‘it’s okay’ before handing you back the ring. he felt the need to make such a scene and for what? to feed his ego? you didn’t bother to wait until he was through with security as well. you gathered your things from the tray as fast as you could, storming past all the other people to get further away from him.

you browsed all the shops (sometimes even hiding in the dressing rooms) until you couldn’t avoid taehyun any longer. you didn’t talk to him once you met up again, even though you knew that it didn’t affect him anyway. nonetheless, taehyun ensured that your day would have a cherry on top- by stealing the one and only window seat.

and you?

you made sure to spill your water on him during turbulence.

that seemed to be enough to make him stop bothering you throughout the flight. he slept away as you played sudoku on your phone, too paranoid to fall asleep yourself in case he would wake up with new ideas in mind.

・・・・・・・・・・・・・・

after making sure that your bag smacked taehyun’s head when you took it from the upper storage, you both went to retrieve your luggage then headed out to find a taxi and go to your accommodation.

valets, chandeliers, grand paintings adoring the walls, the hotel seemed quite fancy. you weren’t really used to this kind of treatment from your agency, it was the least they could do for all the headaches you were going to endure throughout the mission.

the receptionist handed you the small paper sleeve containing the key cards. you furrowed your brows as you opened it, peering inside. there were 2 cards in there, but for the exact same hotel room. you instantly expressed your confusion “why is there just one r-“ taehyun kicked your foot, continuing to smile at the receptionist as you bit your tongue to hold back a scream. “is there anything else i can help you with?” she inquired.

“i’m pretty sure that’s it, thank you” taehyun answered before you could open your mouth to speak. he took hold of your arm, flashing the receptionist another fake smile before dragging you along with him towards the elevator.

“don’t touch me” you broke free from his grip “what the hell was that about?”

taehyun pressed the floor number on the keypad “are you that fucking dense? he sighed exasperatedly “we’re a couple- remember? we need to act like one, so stop having these unnecessary slip-ups”

‘stupid cover’ you cursed in your mind the person who had been in charge for outlining the plans for your mission. out of all the possible lies they could have made you hold on to- this is what they went for. it was almost like they did this on purpose to annoy you.

ding.

you took hold of your suitcase again, following behind taehyun as you searched for your room “besides- the hotel isn’t scruffy this time, their budget seems to be pretty high for once. so, they might have booked us a suite, not just a single room” he continued, trudging the door open.

your feet were frozen, not moving an inch from the doorway “taehyun- this is not a fucking suite” you snarled, slowly turning your head in his direction.

“why are you talking as if it’s my fault?” taehyun snapped back. he entered the room, bumping his shoulders against yours as you refused to go further in.

“well if you hadn’t been so quick to silence me at the reception- maybe this wouldn’t have been a problem” you pushed your suitcase in, putting your hands on your hips.

“and risk blowing our cover? yeah- what a great plan that would have been” he huffed.

“there’s no way i’m sharing a bed with you” you hissed

“don’t worry- it’s not a pleasure for me either sweetheart. it’s either sleeping on the floor- or with me. your choice”

taehyun didn’t seem like he would ever consider giving up his spot on the bed- but neither did you. you weren’t going to settle for back pain as he snored away on the soft mattress.

so, you laid down on the bed, as far away as you could from taehyun. you were sitting so close to the edge that you were on the verge of falling off, but you couldn't even stand the mere thought of being in such close proximity to him. the thought of his arm touching yours made your skin crawl. 

yet, despite breathing in the same room as taehyun, you somehow managed to get what was probably the best sleep of your life. keeping your eyes closed just for one moment more, you held the blanket closer to you, enjoying the warmth it provided, snuggling your face deeper into the pillow beneath you. but the pillow wasn't as soft as you remembered when you put your head down to sleep last night. instead, it was hard, and somehow hot to the touch. confused, you brought a hand up and pressed down on it, slightly squeezing it, then removed it as if you had just gotten burnt when you were met with the feeling of bare skin on skin.

"if you wanted to touch me that badly you could have just asked, love" a raspy voice came from beneath you.

"what the fuck-" you shouted as you got up and finally opened your eyes. you squinted as you adjusted to the bright light coming from the sun.

kang taehyun was sitting right next to you, bare chest exposed and a playful smirk plastered on his face.

"how did we- when did you even take your shirt off?"

"are you always this loud in the morning?" he asked, ignoring your questions. his hair was a ruffled mess, slightly puffy face indicating that he hadn't been awake for that long either.

you still looked at him expectingly, waiting for him to answer. he huffed, rolling his eyes "you snuggled with your burning limbs close to me as you slept. i got overwhelmingly hot so i took off my shirt. there- simple as that"

"why didn't you just push me off or something" you asked. it wasn’t typical for him to act like this.

what taehyun said was indeed the truth. he couldn’t stand you- yes, but he wasn’t an asshole. he couldn’t find it in him to wake you up or pry you off him, as he didn’t want to wake up in the morning to you being groggy. therefore, he was left with only one option: enduring it.

pushing your question aside once more, taehyun got up from the bed, stretching as he made his way to the bathroom, he stopped right before getting past the door to speak "did you know you talk in your sleep? you seemed to enjoy it, i didn't want to ruin the fun for you." he snickered, disappearing into the other room.

you stood there with your jaw hanging, unable to form any kind of comeback to argue. was there even a way to recover from that? when you heard the shower running, you took a pillow from the bed, burying your face into it and silently screaming. you wanted to dig a hole for yourself at least 20 meters underground.

after regaining your composure, you got ready so that you and taehyun could get started on today’s task: gathering the necessary weapons and equipment. irene informed you about some namjoon guy they had a contract with. he apparently sold any kind of gear you would ever need for a mission: from smoke bombs to lethal poison- he had it all. you went to the outskirts of the city searching for a shabby cabin (not suspicious at all), the storage hidden away in an underground system there.

“are you sure this is the right place?” you asked taehyun, eyeing the old rusty door. the whole place just screamed ‘murder’, how exactly did your agency even come to find out about the guy? maybe you didn’t want to know.

“the coordinates match up with what irene sent us- so yeah, probably. try not to hold my hand if you’re so scared” he chuckled.

you ignored his childish remark, going past him to open the heavy door. the inside didn’t match up with the exterior, it was surprisingly warm and cozy. a man with purple hair and a black dress shirt was sitting on an armchair, book in hand. you assumed it was namjoon.

“oh- hello?” you didn’t exactly know how to approach him, you felt bad for barging in without even knocking.

his eyes glanced up from the book “ah” he got up “finally, i was worried irene didn’t send you the right location” he flashed you a dimpled smile. for a man who owned over one thousand weapons, you didn’t expect him to be this...cute?

taehyun bit his cheek “so you’re namjoon?”

“yes, and i already know who you two are. come on- follow me”

namjoon lead you towards an elevator, hidden away from curious eyes in a crowded closet. the ride down seemed almost endless, but that’s how it needed to be. if one single gunshot could be heard from the surface, his entire business could risk being destroyed.

“i’ve got a couple of things for you to try, as well as some accessories irene asked me to give you” namjoon put down a box on a table. it wasn’t anything out of the ordinary- laser pen, tracking devices, coat button cameras, the usual. the guns weren’t exactly essential for your mission, they were more of a safety precaution. either way, you still had to practice using them.

getting into the designated practice area, you and taehyun each had a target to hit. you needed at least 5 good shots in a row to be deemed skilled enough for the weapon. taehyun’s first try was perfect, meanwhile yours barely hit the target.

“seems like someone’s rusty”

“beginner’s luck” you mumbled.

giving it another go, you ended up with the same result. the exact thing happened the 3rd try as well. you frowned, it wasn’t usually like this for you, and taehyun’s cocky smirk only made your blood boil further.

“nervous?” he chuckled

“i’m just warming up- i need to get used to it” you got back into your shooting stance, putting your finger on the trigger.

“take your time, darling, hell’s happy to wait for you”

you missed again.

“can you just shut up for one fucking minute?” you huffed. you didn’t want to let taehyun get to you, but even when he didn’t open his mouth to speak you could still hear his voice in your mind, mocking you.

“i can give you something else if you want to-“ namjoon tried to help, not knowing he only angered you further.

“i need him out of sight- not another weapon” you quickly dismissed him “can i get a private practice room?”

“practicing in private won’t fix your lack of talent” you heard taehyun whisper.

if looks could kill, taehyun would be on the floor the second those words left his mouth “if i point this gun towards your direction i’ll make sure that it won’t be a miss” you fumed.

namjoon was clearly taken aback by the tension in the room. desperate to diffuse the situation, he kindly asked taehyun to look around the other areas as you practiced a few more rounds with him.

you felt bad for the guy, he was a victim to yet another one of your fights with taehyun. you kept the rest of your interactions with him short, wanting to get back to the hotel as soon as possible.

“look- i’ll buy you ice cream, will that make it better?” taehyun asked exasperatedly.

“i’m not a fucking child” you snarled. the only thing up until now that taehyun had managed to do successfully was ridiculing you- and you were fed up with it. did he think that some ice cream was going to erase all those embarrassing moments he had been putting you through?

“well what do you want me to do then?” he sighed.

“i don’t know- maybe stop acting like an asshole? like you’re better than me?”

taehyun stopped the car on the side of the road, his hands gripping the steering wheel harder “i’m not acting like an asshole” he turned his head to look at you.

“yes, you are- you did that the whole day and you are doing that right now” you said in utter disbelief. his snarky attitude was tipping you over.

“get out” he spoke firmly, breaking eye contact with you.

“what?”

taehyun didn’t know how much longer he could be with you in the car without losing his temper even more “i said get out” he repeated once again, closing his eyes “go on and find the way to the hotel yourself”

“fine” you scoffed. you grabbed your purse and slammed the car door as hard as you could once you got out of the vehicle. taehyun wasted no time getting back on the road. finally, he could breathe again.

“jerk” you screamed. what a great time to wear heels this was. you made your way to the side walk, shielding your eyes from the sun with your hands as you looked around, trying to recall any familiar surroundings. with every step you took, it felt like your foot was pressed into a hot piece of lego. you had been wearing those damn heels all day, and now the agonising pain was finally starting to kick in.

taehyun couldn’t help but constantly steal glances at you from the rearview mirror, watching as you struggled to walk without your feet wobbling. sighing, he waited until he could take a turn to go back and pick you up. maybe you weren’t the only one that acted like a kid.

getting back to the same spot he just left you at barely 2 minutes ago, taehyun stopped the car. yet you weren’t anywhere to be found. he got out to search the area better- nothing.

“shit” he mumbled under his breath.

taehyun couldn’t stay still as he waited for you to return. of course, he got to the hotel faster because of the car, but what was taking you so long to arrive? the thought of him ruining the mission because of a petty fight was tormenting his mind. he didn’t want to lose his job at the agency because of you. he kept on walking back and forth from the couch to the door, looking through the peephole for any sign of you coming down the hallway. and just as he was about to check again, for probably the 30th time that night, he heard knocking on the door. it was you- it had to be you. after all, the only other room key had remained with him, and there was no way someone else would disturb him at this ungodly hour.

taehyun cleared his voice, erasing any sign of worry on his face before opening the door, apology already on the tip of his tongue.

"y/n, i'm sorry-" taehyun spoke as soon as he saw you in the doorway, reaching his hand out to take your purse.

"fuck off" you spat out, slapping his hand away from you. you went straight to the bathroom and locked the door, not in the mood to hear any of his excuses. you stood with your back against the door, burying your face in your hands. you felt so tired and sick of having to deal with taehyun’s attitude. but you weren't gonna let him be the one to steal the spotlight from your mission- not again.

taehyun sighed heavily in front of the door, putting his hand down from knocking, choosing to simply let you be for a while. you had all the right to be mad, and he knew that.

you took a shower to cool off, refusing to look taehyun in the eyes, or even in his direction at all, as you got ready to go to sleep.

taehyun put his finger on the lamp's button, letting out those words that had been bugging him all night "just so you know- i did go back for you today, but i couldn't find you anymore. maybe that's gonna convince you that i really meant it when i said sorry" taehyun flicked off the light, huffing, pitch black darkness taking over the room.

you stayed silent, with your back turned to him, still too stubborn to accept his apology. 'he just wants to go to bed with a clean conscience' you tried to convince yourself. ・・・・・・・・・・・・・・

you were grateful to have woken up with your own personal space, unlike your first night there. taehyun wasn’t even on his side of the bed, the sound of the water running indicating that he had already beat you to the bathroom. you turned over to the side, ready to enjoy those few minutes of peace.

“huh” you brought a hand to your face, feeling something on your forehead. it was a sticky note. you rubbed your eyes, trying to make sense of what was written on the small piece of paper.

‘there’s ice cream in the freezer’

“what...” you mumbled, how did ice cream have anything to do with- oh.

you fought back a chuckle. so, the great taehyun couldn’t find the strength to own up to his actions and say the words ‘sorry’ a second time. still, you accepted his silent apology, going over to the freezer to get your hands on the sweet treat. how could you ever say no to something free?

taehyun got out of the bathroom as you still nibbled on the ice cream sandwich, the steam and heat instantly invading the room. you looked up from the piece of food in your hand, almost dropping it once your eyes laid on him. taehyun sat in the middle of the room, chest and sculpted abs on full display with a few water droplets adoring his skin from his still dripping hair.

“what are you blushing for? it’s not the first time you’re seeing me like this” he smirked.

“idiot- it’s the heat. your shower transformed the room into a whole sauna” you meekly tried to defend yourself, not wanting to give him any satisfaction. you cursed your cheeks for reacting like this well before your mind could even comprehend the situation.

“oh- so you’re talking to me again. i take it you forgive me?” he leaned against the door.

“don’t get ahead of yourself kang taehyun” you scoffed “it’s gonna take more than just an ice cream for me to fully forgive you”

“i know, you did tell me yesterday that ‘you’re not a child’. just thought it might sweeten that sour attitude of yours” he huffed.

“whatever- let me get changed, then we’ll get in touch with irene” you said as you walked over to your suitcase to grab some clean clothes.

“i already talked to her. she said there’s nothing we have to do for the day. we just need to wait for the big event tomorrow.”

“huh- you talked to her? when?” you raised your eyebrows at him. you could swear you hadn’t heard a single sound all morning.

“yeah- while you were busy snoring” he chuckled.

you scoffed at his reply “as if you’re a saint while you’re sleeping” there he went again with his ridiculous accusations.

“well- unlike you, i haven’t received any complaints from others” he winked at you.

“really? then here’s your first one- you’re loud as hell” you slammed the bathroom door. that wink and his cocky grin were enough to bring back the annoyance he always seemed to provoke within you.

taehyun loudly knocked as you were busy brushing your teeth “how long are you gonna stay in there? i have something to ask”

you rolled your eyes, taking the toothbrush out of your mouth to reply “i’ll be out in 5 minutes” you shouted back. you didn’t know whether it was curiosity or fear taking over you from his words.

taehyun was still in front of the door when you opened it to get out.

“wanna take advantage of the activities here? it’s not like we’re paying for any of this- the agency is. plus- we have the day off anyway” taehyun shrugged his shoulders. his proposal didn’t sound bad at all. you could definitely use some sort of relaxation, your whole body was still aching from walking in heels yesterday.

you put your hands over your mouth, gasping exaggeratedly “finally, i can’t believe there’s good ideas coming out of your mouth” you were actually excited for once about one of taehyun’s suggestions. this was your chance to detach yourself from all the stress, the mission, and most importantly- him.

“when do i not have good ideas?” taehyun brought a hand to his chest. he sounded offended by your statement.

“i’m not going to answer that.” you replied shortly.

grabbing your bathrobes from the reception, you and taehyun headed towards the hotel’s spa facility. the area was filled with all sorts of natural plants and bamboo furniture, the meditation music being accompanied by the quiet sound from the mini artificial waterfall in the middle of it all. having such a packed schedule all the time, you never got any opportunities to spoil yourself in places like this. the anticipation and excitement were making your heart bubble up with joy, but your smile quickly dropped once you arrived in the massage room.

“taehyun, why didn’t you mention the hotel activities being couple activities” you hissed. standing in the doorway, you looked in terror at the swarm of lovey dovey pairs sitting on yoga mats in front of you.

“did you think i made the proposal knowing that?” he scoffed.

“well i can’t seem to understand how you overlooked such a major detail??”

“listen- the poster said couple massages. how the hell was i supposed to know that they’re making us do the work for each other? i just thought we’d both get a massage done at the same time”

“you must be the kangs, welcome” the host greeted you “come on, sit down. we were just getting started with a simple shoulder massage” she pointed to the last empty mat in the room, then motioned for you to begin.

taehyun’s eyelids fluttered shut as you awkwardly placed your hands on his shoulders, the material of the robe doing almost nothing to hide the feeling of the rock hard muscles underneath. you grimaced as you pressed your fingers down, trying to reminisce the movements you’d use while preparing pizza dough.

“you’re doing it wrong” he deadpanned, opening his eyes to make direct eye contact with you.

“shut the hell up”

you didn’t know what you were doing- yes. but were you going to admit that to taehyun? absolutely not. rolling your eyes, you continued to clumsily massage the tense muscles.

“i can’t feel a goddamn thing” he complained again.

“how about now?” you pinched his skin between your thumb and your index finger, using as much pressure as you could. taehyun’s face distorted in pain as he crumbled beneath you “for fuck’s sake-“ he grabbed your wrists, stopping you from provoking him even more suffering “how are you so bad at this?”

frustrated, you moved your hands away from his body “if you think you’re that great, why don’t you give it a shot?”

“i will give it a shot” he snarled.

the host approached the two of you just as taehyun placed his hands on you “what a lovely couple” she smiled. nudging taehyun, she whispered one more thing before walking away “remember, use your hands gently, like you’re touching the most delicate petal”

taehyun’s ears turned a bright shade of red at the sound of that. he bit his lip so hard trying not to laugh at her words, you were surprised he didn’t end up drawing blood.

“close your eyes, petal” he snickered.

you snorted at the nickname, doing as he said regardless. taehyun’s hands were surprisingly warm. he did his best mimicking the actions from the couples around you, his long slender fingers massaging your muscles with such care, you could feel all the built-up tension melting away.

“wait- this is kinda nice” you spoke quietly.

“told you so”

you hoped taehyun wouldn’t catch that, but of course, he did. you opened one eye, tempted to wipe that cocky smirk off his face. getting ahold of yourself, you chose not to, you never knew when taehyun would treat you this nicely again. you sighed, allowing yourself to enjoy the feeling. this was the least he could do to pay you back for all the headaches he had caused you so far throughout the mission.

you did make a few other attempts to give taehyun a massage, but even with the host’s instructions, he was never satisfied. in the end, he gave up, preferring to do all the work himself instead of letting you touch him again. he probably left the spa room feeling more tense than when he had arrived, the only thing bringing him some sort of consolation being the free bottle of wine at the end of the lesson- which he opened as soon as you came back to your hotel room.

after getting changed, you sat down next to taehyun on the bed, noticing only one wine filled glass on the table “aren’t you gonna share that?”

“after all the pain i’ve went through today? don’t think so” he replied before taking a sip of the crimson beverage.

“don’t be a jerk” you snapped back “i tried my best”

taehyun sighed heavily, grabbing the other clean glass in the room to pour you some of the wine. you muttered a quick ‘thanks’ before taking it from his hands, downing the liquid almost immediately.

“what the fuck are you doing” he grabbed your wrist “take it easy- our mission is tomorrow, i don’t think you want to wake up with a headache” there was a hint of worry hidden in his stern voice.

“a bit more won’t hurt- i just want to sleep well tonight” you replied. your hand was already reaching for the bottle to pour another one. taehyun simply rolled his eyes, hoping that you’d stop after the seccond glass. yet- you repeated your actions, downing the glass and going for the bottle right after. this time, taehyun snatched it away from your hands and hid it behind the bed.

“don’t ruin the fun-“ you furrowed your brows “just give me the bottle”

you stood up, towering over taehyun as you extended your arm. he wasn’t expecting you to put up such a fight, but his reflexes were sharp- he took hold of your arm quickly, making you lose your balance and stumble over him. his hand came down to your waist to hold you as you landed in his lap, not allowing you to slip away anymore. you looked at him with wide eyes, your loud heartbeat drumming against his chest. “don’t make me repeat myself” he muttered.

“or what?” you provoked him further. your eyes shifted their focus on his lips, sitting centimeters apart from yours. you had never paid attention before to how soft they looked- so soft and rosy, your mind couldn’t help but wander off and think about how they would feel on yours. taehyun seemed to become nervous underneath your gaze, his breathing became ragged, hand gripping your waist slightly tighter. he licked his lips before moving his face closer to yours, yet still not enough to fully close the gap. your eyelids fluttered shut, and he smirked at your action, his thumb coming to graze your lower lip slowly.

“or you might just make me lose myself completely” he breathed out. his gaze was still fixated on your lips, only tempting him further to give in, to let go of everything that had been holding him back until now from accepting that it wasn’t hatred he felt upon seeing you, or even hearing your name. he had been convinced that you hating him meant that he was supposed to feel the same, but he couldn’t- and he could barely even fake it anymore. especially now, when you somehow managed to completely break down his guard in mere seconds. thinking this through, taehyun chose to back away. he didn’t have the confirmation whether it was your actual feelings leading your actions, or just the alcohol in your system.

he cleared his throat, removing his hands from your body and putting that usual cold façade back on “like i’ve said, our mission is tomorrow. you should probably go to bed” his eyes didn’t meet yours when you opened them to look at him again.

your gaze shifted to the floor, you were unable to hide the underlying disappointment in your voice “yeah- you’re right”. you hesitated a bit before finally separating yourself from him, the warmth of his body gone just as the excitement that was beginning to take over your heart. you put your head down on the pillow, the sound of more wine getting poured in a glass being heard as you closed your eyes and drifted off to sleep.

・・・・・・・・・・・・・・ "your tie is lopsided, let me fix that" you walked over to taehyun. there was just one hour left until the event started. the atmosphere in the room was suffocating, to say the least.

taehyun scoffed upon hearing that "i can definitely do a better job than you" yet, he didn't make any movement to stop you from touching him or his clothes “everything is just a competition for you… isn’t it?” you said bitterly, your eyes were fixated on his chest, his tie in your hand. 

“isn’t it for you, too?” taehyun asked. he immediately regretted his question, the words seemed to roll off his tongue as an automatic response. he peered into your eyes, although he was hesitant to hear your answer. you paused for a moment before continuing, refusing to look up and meet his gaze "maybe i don't want it to be anymore"

you went back to the mirror, trying to look busy as you "fixed" your makeup, although you had already ensured it was perfect with each step you did.

taehyun didn't say anything to that. it wasn't the time he could let himself be swayed by his emotions. you were both at the peak of your mission, where high attention was demanded and no mistakes were allowed to be made. he cleared his throat before speaking, trying to change the conversation from the sensitive topic "you look good" "thanks" you looked down, playing a bit more with the lipstick in your hand before stuffing it in your purse "we should go" "yeah- we should" he repeated after you, grabbing the spare card for your hotel room.

the entire venue was filled with well-known people from the political field, as well as celebrities. the event had been long planned to celebrate the president’s birthday. however, he started to have a rising suspicion that someone was after him, wanting to backstab him so that they could steal his position, which is how you got into the play. your team was able to pinpoint the enemy’s plan of action due to their sloppy preparation. they talked freely around Élysée Palace about their intention, completely unaware of the mics hidden all around the building. they were going to infiltrate the office and place a bomb there, wiping out the president without putting themselves at much risk.

being nervous was an understatement. it’s been long since you’ve been assigned such an important mission- way too long. the fact that you didn’t know whether you were going to make direct contact with the enemy didn’t help either.

taehyun seemed to be glued to your side, not letting you go once. he held you by the waist the whole time you were walking around, searching for your table. his eyes were trained on you, not allowing the disgusting rich men in the room to think that they can lay a finger on you, not even for one second.

“why do you keep on holding me so close?” you wondered aloud.

“we need to act like a couple- did you forget that again?”

“that doesn’t mean i’m not allowed to walk on my own” you said trying to break yourself free yourself from his grip. but taehyun stopped you before you could fully do so, he grabbed your wrist, bringing your back flushed against his chest. he dipped down to whisper in your ear “sweetheart, let’s not make a scene now- shall we?” he twirled you around, swaying your body to the rhythm of the music to disguise your actions as natural.

“now- let’s discuss. when do you want to put our plan into action?” he leaned down to whisper once again. his voice sent shivers down your spine.

“not yet- we haven’t been here for long and leaving so early would raise suspicion” you muttered.

“then- how about a drink?” taehyun brought you closer, not breaking eye contact with you.

you nodded “a drink sounds good” just like the ‘massage’, there was no way you could turn down something you didn’t have to pay for yourself.

taehyun spun you around once more before heading off to the bar. you continued the search for your table, settling down on one of the chairs as you waited for him.

“what is a princess like you doing all alone?” a sleazy man approached you, reeking of sweat and alcohol. your senses were instantly on high alert, you were praying that taehyun wouldn’t take much longer to return.

“i’m not alone- i’m just waiting for someone” you tried to dismiss him, hoping that he would walk away and leave you alone. but a man’s confidence seems to skyrocket when they drink, so of course, he didn’t back down so easily.

“say, why won’t you have a drink with me while you wait?” his hand was in motion, inching closer to touch your shoulder. it abruptly stopped upon hearing a voice from behind him.

“i’m afraid i’ve already taken care of that, sir” taehyun settled down the drinks on the table before occupying the empty chair next to you. he noticed from far away how uncomfortable you looked and he rushed to get back to you, almost spilling the drinks in the process.

he placed one of his hands on your knee, trying to give the man a subtle hint that he should give up and leave you alone.

“i’m sure one more drink wouldn’t hurt? right, miss?” he continued.

taehyun clicked his tongue, increasingly annoyed by his presence “i’m pretty sure it would, though”

the man’s smile was wiped off his face as soon as taehyun said that, his hand gripped his bottle of beer tighter “why won’t you let her answer, hm?”

you were unsure what to do- you wanted to get rid of him, but you didn’t want to anger him further either. you weren’t supposed to draw any kind of attention towards yourselves, if this were to turn into a big argument, it could damage your mission badly. taehyun’s hand on your knee felt reassuring. at the same time, it made your heart skip a beat whenever he gave it a light squeeze.

“what if i search for you once i finish this first, would that be good?” you did your best fake smile, so that he wouldn’t see directly through your lie. somehow, that answer was good enough for him. he nodded, smiled, then walked away.

taehyun slumped into the chair, taking a sip of the cognac he ordered.

“thank you” you spoke softly “you came just at the right moment”

taehyun’s ears turned red at that “now maybe you understand why i wasn’t letting you go before” he played with the glass in his hand. you bit your lip and nodded, taking a sip of the drink yourself. taehyun had good taste.

you both settled for analysing your surroundings as you drank, making small remarks here and there about the people around you. however, once your glasses were empty, taehyun could already notice the same man approaching your table again. he got up abruptly, taking your wrist and tugging you along with him.

“hey- what’s gotten into you?” you asked. you couldn’t figure out the expression he had on his face, nor his actions. taehyun loudly knocked on the bathroom door. upon hearing no answer, he dragged you in, locking the door after him “weren’t you the one saying that we shouldn’t make a scene?”

“and what was i supposed to do? sit there and watch as he tried to touch you again?” he huffed.

“why are you acting like this? maybe i wouldn’t have minded having a drink with another man” you provoked him further. that wasn’t actually the case- the quick lie slipped past your lips in the heat of the moment, as you were curious to see where he was going to end up with this.

"oh really?" taehyun pressed his tongue against his cheek, crossing his arms. he took a step closer towards you, to which, at first, you chose not to react.

"yes, really."

you tried to sound confident as you talked, but taehyun took note of your pursed lips “you know, lying doesn't suit you, sweetheart." he took another step towards you then another- until you had no choice but to take a few steps back yourself, not stopping until your back hit the wall.

“you know what? i don’t get you-“ you snapped “and i’m tired of trying to figure you out” you pressed a finger to his chest, letting out all those pent-up frustrations that had been tormenting you for the past few days “you keep on giving me these mixed signals- your actions never seem to match your words. how do you even think i felt today? or after last night? do you even care about that?”

you chuckled drily as taehyun remained silent. “why won’t you just give me a clear answer?” your gaze dropped to the floor "if you had the guts, kang taehyun, you would have kissed me"

taehyun's eyes looked sharp, he inched closer to you, bringing your chin up with his hand so that he could look directly into your eyes "you think something is stopping me from doing that right now?" he tilted his head and smirked, slight amusement hidden in his voice.

"then do it" you said firmly, pushing him over the edge.

taehyun slipped his other hand on the small of your back, holding you close so that he could press his mouth on yours, hot and heavy. he wasted no time to lick your lips with his tongue, silently asking for permission to deepen the kiss. you opened your mouth for him, the feeling of his lips and tongue even more intoxicating than the alcohol that you had consumed earlier that night. he lifted one of your legs up, letting his fingers dance along the bare skin that was revealed once your dress slid up with the movement. your body felt hot all over, you hadn't even known how badly you were craving for his touch until you got to experience it. you clasped your hands behind his neck, then dragged them along his back, slightly scratching it with your nails. taehyun groaned at the feeling, hoisting your other leg up as well so that you could wrap them both around his waist. he moved on to your neck, biting at the skin in a slightly hidden area. it was just enough to remind that man and all those other people lurking after you tonight that you were only his. he carried you over to the sink, putting you on the edge of the counter there so that he could have better access to your neck.

there was knocking on the door, followed by the rattling of the doorknob.

"tae-"

taehyun put his index finger over your lips, shushing you as he covered you whole in kisses: your neck, your collarbones, your chest, all the way down to the valley of your breasts, the area exposed by the cleavage of your dress.

"they'll leave" he spoke against your skin.

the image of a ticking clock crossing your mind every now and then filled you with worry and pressure "we should leave too-" taehyun pressed his finger over your lips once more.

"tae-" you breathed out again "-the mission"

"just a bit more” he whispered “there's still time" he looked up at you, those big eyes of his, filled to the brim with desire, pleaded you to let him continue. you grabbed the collar of his shirt, connecting your lips with his again. you sighed in contentment, letting him take control over the kiss. soft gasps and wet lips, his warm mouth on your skin- you got lost into it all, not caring for one second whether your hair or your dress were turning into a mess.

you could barely bring yourself to stop, and when you did, it felt like your cheeks had been set on fire. you hid your face in the crook of taehyun’s neck, breathing heavily against his skin as your brain finally processed what had just happened between the two of you.

you kissed kang taehyun

no-

you made out- with kang taehyun

and you enjoyed it.

in fact, you enjoyed it so much you seriously contemplated ditching the event just to feel his lips on yours for a few moments more.

the rational part of you was stronger “come on- we have a mission to complete” you pressed a quick peck on taehyun’s lips. he smiled, taking his time to fix your appearance before holding your hand and reaching for the door.

“let’s do it” he breathed out.

you sneaked past the security guards and reached the hallway towards the office. you wished you could have collaborated with them, but there was no way you could have known whether the person betraying the president was one of them or not, and you didn’t feel like risking your cover.

your hand reached towards the doorknob, wanting to check whether the door was locked or not. taehyun spoke right before you touched it.

“don’t- it’s dangerous, the bomb could be on the door”

you slowly retracted your hand. you didn’t think this through, and quickly jumped into action. taehyun was right, and you had to find a way to test his theory right before making another attempt at getting in.

you used some of the gadgets irene bought for you, making a small hole inside the wall and pushing through an extendable stick with a camera to look inside.

bingo.

the bomb was placed flushed against the door. had taehyun not stopped you before, you would have both been dead in an instant.

“seems like we’ll have to find another way in” you muttered.

taehyun eyed the outside window “how are your wall climbing skills?”

“not bad at all” you offered to go first, it was probably your best shot for now.

the distance between this window and the one in the office wasn’t that long either, you were just hoping that there weren’t any curious eyes looking up at the building from the garden.

melting away the lock on the window, you succeeded to get in. taehyun followed right after you, jumping inside. the bomb didn’t have a timer on it, the wire connected to the doorknob was what would made it go off. you had to give this one to them, it was pretty smart- this way, they ensured that they had less chances of missing their target.

“any updates?” irene’s voice was heard from your ear piece.

“yeah- we’re in. the enemy’s plan isn’t so bad after all, they just organised it poorly”

“that’s great- but you need to hurry up. you don’t have much time until the guy checking the security cameras alerts the other guards”

“got it” you replied

“so no pressure at all” taehyun laughed as he searched for the necessary tools. the bomb wasn’t unlike anything else you’ve seen before. the only thing you needed to do was follow the procedure carefully, so as not to miss any steps.

taehyun took it upon himself to do it, even though you were both in just as much danger anyway. you helped him out as much as you could, reassuring him that he followed all the steps in the right order and giving him new tools whenever he needed to switch.

“shit-“ you could hear heavy footsteps going up the stairs “they’re onto us, you need to hurry”

“hang on- i’m almost done” taehyun tried his best to remain calm, he couldn’t have his hands trembling at this very moment.

“you either show yourselves, or we’ll have no choice but to barge in” a male voice shouted from behind the door. they were definitely not alone.

“2 more wires” he whispered.

you were growing impatient, but you bit your tongue trying to remain silent, taehyun had to remain concentrated.

“we’ll take your silence as an answer” the man shouted again before starting a countdown.

3, 2, 1-

the door was busted down from its shackles.

the guards remained silent as they were met with...an empty room?

you and taehyun barely managed to make it out on time, and you were now holding your breath as you clung onto the outside wall again. you entered the building through another window from the floor beneath you before they had a chance to inspect the area and potentially see you.

after making sure you were in a safe zone, you reached out to irene again: “we’re done here- we’ll send you that fucker’s fingerprints”

“excellent”

・・・・・・・・・・・・・・

taehyun called the reception as you were taking a cab back to the hotel. he requested 2 bottles of wine for you to drink as a form of celebration. you couldn’t wait to lie down and drink to your heart’s content.

so now- here you were, you sitting in taehyun’s lap as he tried his best not to laugh in your face at your drunken words and actions. it seemed like you couldn’t handle alcohol that well when you were exhausted.

“can you kiss me again?” you asked quietly, closing your eyes before you could even notice his reaction. taehyun was taken aback by your sudden proposal, but nevertheless, fondness took over his eyes in an instant. he cupped your cheeks, bringing your face closer to him until your noses were touching. then, he opted for pressing a soft kiss on the corner of your lips, to which you opened your eyes, cheeks burning at the small gesture. “god- you’re making me go crazy” he spoke softly against your lips. his hand took hold of your wrist, leaving a tender kiss on your pulse point “let’s get you to bed”

you shook your head, dipping your head down to bury your face in his chest as you hugged him tightly. silence filled up the room for a moment before you finally spoke again “maybe it was supposed to be like this from the beginning.” your voice was slightly muffled as you refused to move away from your spot. taehyun ran his hands through your hair “…like what?”

“i don’t know. maybe we were never supposed to hate each other" those words rolled off your tongue softly, your eyes getting heavier with each passing second.

taehyun tucked a few strands behind your ear. your words tugged at his heart, and it was like something clicked for the both of you as you voiced out your drunken thoughts. it was stupid-so stupid. all this time, you had both been too caught up in the high created by all the praises and achievements. you were taught to eliminate any kind of obstacle that came your way whenever you set a goal, you forgot to look at each other as just...humans. sure, the pride that bloomed in your chest whenever you successfully cleared yet another mission felt good, but has that ever felt as good as taehyun's touch? his lips on yours, rough hands enveloping yours as a silent sign of care and reassurance, arms circling your waist to keep you close, to keep you safe. you never paid much attention to human relationships, and perhaps that was the reason why, once you stepped foot into your empty apartment, once the cheers died down, you had never felt truly satisfied with your life.

hearing the sound of light snores coming from beneath him, taehyun looked down to find you already fast asleep in his lap. “cute” he chuckled, secretly taking out his phone for a pic, the corners of his mouth turning up at the thought of teasing you about it tomorrow. he slowly detangled your hand that was holding on to his shirt tightly, then lifted you up to carry you over to your side of the bed. he frowned upon noticing that you never had the chance to take off your dress. diverting his eyes as much as he could, taehyun took it off for you, blushing as he slid one of his shirts over your head. he didn't want to invade your privacy, he just wished you could rest comfortably after experiencing such a draining day.

“sleep well, y/n” taehyun pressed a kiss against your temple before getting underneath the covers himself. he sighed in contentment as he brought himself closer to you, your soft rhythmic breaths and warm body putting his own at ease.

taglist: @huekalover3000

[youandtom2]

Request if you want it: Tom is playing at a golf event and reader is a journalist there. She absolutely can't stand him, because she finds out he is quite arrogant and full of himself. They go after each other throughout the whole day with sarcastic remarks. But somehow (you can fill in the details) Tom seduces her by the end and he gets her on her knees and he totally dominates her, making her choke and gag. And he embarrasses her by making her feel his muscles and beg to suck him off and he boasts about how easily he got her in the palm of his hand. :P

(14/07/22) brain go brrrrrrrrrrr THIS REQUEST!!!!

a/n (28/06/23): This was a request that was sent in and one that I had started last year that I really wanted to finish. Apologies to the anon who sent this in and waited for it whoops. This was supposed to be short but I clearly don't fucking know what short means so here's like 7k or something???

Anyway here's 'A Word for the Youth Diary?' Shitty title I know but I literally can't think of anything else.

MASTERLIST

"The weather is absolutely gorgeous here at St. Andrews' Castle Course, celebrating the first 'Pro Amateur' charity competition where a host of celebrities, socialites or anyone with a keen passion for golf can compete. A number of spectators have gathered around the course, eager to soak up the buzzing atmosphere, the scenic landscape and the presence of Hollywood stars, all in the views of the warm Scottish sun. Now that's something I never expected to say!"

The red light of your recorder dims as you press pause on your commentary. You made the switch to recorder a few years back when journalism became too close to drowning in a number of scribbled, illegible notes written far too quickly. Now it is a simple case of pressing record and pressing pause.

Of course, wherever there is a flock of celebrities congregating in the one area for the week, there will always be flock of paparazzi and journalists close by, each with the same agenda. It usually feels like mission impossible to get a word in with a celebrity or document anything of note or interest when there's a wall of other journalists blocking your way, but today those things won't be a problem. Because you’re not going after who may probably be the most coveted celebrity here. Tom Holland.

You don't quite don't know where it stemmed from; your strong dislike towards Tom Holland. In all honesty, your hatred towards him is very self-inflicted, but there's something about his ego that paints him in a very arrogant light. He knows he's hot shit with the press, he knows everyone fancies the man, he knows that his many talents has sky-rocketed him up the societal ladder and onto the throne of the rich and wealthy. What makes him double as frustrating than he is arrogant is that he hasn't done anything wrong. He's Hollywood's golden boy; ever the humble, handsome, kind, charity-giving actor that has claimed the hearts of many across the world. It's what makes your hatred towards him completely unjustified, so while no one shares the same view as you, there is some things you can do to quietly preach your opinions.

"First to arrive at the course is the notable Tom Holland, waving to the crowd with a smile, loving the attention as ever. Although I'm not sure that his mismatching colour-blocking golfing attire will receive the same compliments!"

The smirk on your lips lasts for the majority of the day as you talk incessantly into your recorder. Your goal isn't necessarily to shit on Tom, only when the opportunity presents itself of course, like when he swung the golf club at an awkward angle, sending the ball straight over the forest and into the sand bunker.

"Oooh, what a poor shot from Tom Holland. He'll be disappointed with that one. Perhaps leaning towards the 'amateur' side of the competition in comparison to some other competitors. Tom Holland yet again teaching us a valuable lesson in life; just because you're a pro at one thing doesn't mean you're a pro at everything else."

The crowd politely applauded and off he went with his caddie. While others followed, you choose to stay rooted while you wait for Mark Wahlberg to walk up to the tee. He's who you've been waiting for all afternoon. Getting a word in with him would set you up for the highlight of your career.

"Mark! Over here! Mr. Wahlberg! A word for the Youth Diary? Mr. Wahlberg!"

As it seems, Mark calmly maneuvers way past the wall of journalists, paying them, and you, no mind and strolls over to the starting point. Damn. You have to get a word with him somehow.

"Mark Wahlberg takes a mighty swing and thrashes the golf ball high into the air, and the crowd watches in astonishment as it sails its way over towards the green, a hair's breadth away from perfection as it rolls upon the hill. A round of applause circles around Mark as he proudly walks on with the confidence of a man who's set on winning this competition."

As the hours tick by, you find yourself without any luck. Those first few minutes of the competition were stuck in a loop, constantly experiencing deja vu of having to witness Tom Holland's unlucky shot followed by being ignored by Mark Wahlberg. You haven't had one decent interaction with anyone yet. Things are getting a little desperate.

You even begin to understand why the majority of journalists are following Tom Holland like a lost flock of sheep; he's very chatty. He stops at every turn to give his narration on his own playing, offers a brief insight to the projects he is currently working on, and if he likes you, even spill some of the secrets of his private life. It's a journalist's dream, one that you haven't even had the taste of yet since Mark Wahlberg is as accessible as the vaults of the Bank of England. Anyone with common sense would advise you to follow the crowd and ignore your bias towards him and just interview Tom Holland if it means you have something worth printing.

Oh no, no, no, no, no, no. Not a chance. He gets enough attention as it is.

"Mr Wahlberg! A word on your new film? Could you tell us about Uncharted! Mark! Over here!"

Not even a glance is spared your way in yet another attempt to get his attention. From your left, a voice emerges. A fellow reporter sidles himself next to you, away from the crowd that follows Tom Holland. You spot the Sky Sports label wrapped around his microphone.

"He doesn't like to speak much to the press. Thinks that he'll say something and they'll twist his words," he sympathies. It's genuine, obvious that he too has been caught up in the same frustration you've been facing all afternoon. At least he has a little more insight as to why you haven't gotten a word from Mark.

"Yeah, I figured. It wouldn't hurt just to say hello and have a small chat. What could the press twist about that? If anything, I think he's damaging his reputation by not saying anything. It's rude, y'know?"

He nods his head in agreement, but the sigh he blows doesn't seem to match. "You have to let it go though. They're not obliged to tell us anything. This is just a day out for them, they're not getting paid so why should they have to say anything about their work? It's just our luck whether they choose to talk to us."

"Ugh, I guess you're right, but I still need something for my article."

"Sky Sports has had lots from Tom. Why don't you try your luck with him? He seems to be a lot chattier than Mark. I don't know much about film journalism, only sports, so I don't know what it is you're looking for. But if you ask him anything, I'm sure he's willing to provide."

You look to him with contempt in your eyes, your lack of smile instantly shuts down his suggestion.

"I appreciate the suggestion but no. He's too easy. Think of how many journalists are here desperate to get a word in about sports, golf, acting, celebrity personal lives, all that show biz. If everyone shared the one source, audiences wouldn't bother reading them all because they all be the same, boring stuff. Think about it. If you, and 30 other journalists had the chance to interview Ronaldo, you would all take it because after all its Ronaldo. The only downside would be that you would then have 30 articles all saying the same thing and audience getting bored after reading 1. Now think about having the chance to interview Messi. It would be hard but total payout if you got it. Plus, you would stand out from the rest and that's what would gain audiences' attention."

Once again, the reporter sighs. "Look, kid. I've been in this job for 20 years and I've learned that sometimes you just have to cut your losses. If your objective is to get something to write about for your article, then you should do it however and whatever way you can, doesn't matter who the source is. If your objective is to get something from Mark Wahlberg specifically? Then you should scrap the whole article and try again. Something is better than nothing."

"I refuse to take anything from Tom Holland."

"Suit yourself. Good luck. Oh, by the way, I think you're still recording. Wouldn't want you to get your chance with Mark only to realise you have no storage left on your recorder."

You mumble a weak thanks and remember to press the pause button on your recorder. The reporter saunters away back towards the crowd, your only indication of knowing where Tom Holland is. You consider it for a second, but determination drives you away, following Mark to the next hole.

~~~~

It's all to play for in the final hole with only two possible candidates capable of winning the trophy. Currently sitting in the lead is the elusive, mysterious Mark Wahlberg, strolling casually along to the final hole with his team behind him. Ah, and of course, next in line is Tom Holland soaking up the attention as he strings along behind Mark Wahlberg like an apprentice would their mentor. It's not clear whether the confidence he walks with is a poorly executed imitation of his acting mentor ahead of him, or whether it is a man deluded with besting him. All will be revealed within the hour.

It's well into the evening of the Pro Amateur competition and the luck that reporter wished you earlier has yet to find you. With the final hole well underway, you're starting to think that it never will. So far, you've gotten a few short, curt answers from other celebrities here but nothing near the sustenance your article needs. If only Mark could stop being so stubborn.

"One at a time please guys, one at a time." Tom's smug, arrogant tone of voice emerges from behind you and not too soon after, tens of other voices asking him questions. As he makes his way nearer, so do the swarm of people and in an attempt to get out of the way, you're stampeded by the press. Bumped, shoved and pushed, you struggle to find your balance and fall precariously on your knees with your equipment tumbling from your bag. In all honesty it didn't hurt, but what an inconvenience picking up all your bits and bobs. Ugh it's all his fault.

Before you do anything irrational and say something you shouldn't, you pack up your stuff and walk away.

The competition concludes with a twist that no one was expecting. With a gust of wind getting the better of Mark Wahlberg, it earned him a double bogey and cost him the trophy, annoyingly snatched up by Tom who achieved victory with a birdie. You seethe at the sight of Tom holding up the golden trophy, soaking up the champagne that his teammates spray all over him and hearing the applause from everyone, even you as a slow, lethargic clap rings from your hands. All to just to keep up the pretence of 'liking him' of course. Ugh, why did he have to win?

After a day of being the lone ranger in a journalists mission, you concede to following the crowd into the conference room where many like you await behind a wall of microphones and a valley of cables to hear from today's competitors. And Mark Wahlberg is one of them. This might be your chance to get a question in. Quick! Where's your recorder?

Fuck. It's not in your bag. Where is it? You rummage through your bag again and it's definitely not there. Fuck, fuck, fuck! Where could it be? Did you lose it when you fell over? Has it been stolen? Fuck, you really need that!

You have no other option but to record from your phone and in your quiet, subdued panic, you try your best to catch anything he has to say. The quality isn't great and it's picking up outside noise to the point that articulation has no place on your recording. Sweating at the loss of some expensive equipment and valuable content, your phone drops and the clatter of it paints a mountain on its waveform, rendering the recording useless. Fuck, if you hadn't lost your recorder.

People start to look at you in your fluster and your legs starts bobbing erratically. The attention is too much and it's exactly why you prefer to stay behind the microphone and not in front of it. You have to leave. At the next possible opportunity, you end your recording and begin to make your way through the aisle, apologising profusely to the other journalists who wait for Tom Holland to make an appearance.

You just about make the double doors of the conference room when you hear Tom's voice welcoming the room.

"Before I start, I wanted to check to see if this was anyone's recorder..."

Everything about you stops dead in its tracks; your feet, your heart, your breathing, your entire existence. Nervously, you spin around to spot Tom Holland holding your recorder in his hands, fingers fluttering around its buttons. How the hell did he get his thieving hands on it?!

A pit opens up in your stomach at the dreaded thought of having to announce yourself in front of everyone to claim it. But damn, you really need your recorder back.

Braving the nightmare, your hand raises half-heartedly into the air. "Uh...it's mine. Sorry, I must've dropped it."

Tom's deep brown eyes lock onto yours from the stage and he throws, what you think, a sickly smile before he offers up the most ridiculous idea. "I can set to record if you want. I can sit it riiiiight here." He sits it directly in front of him and sends you a sly wink. It's a spot any journalist would dream of having their microphone; right under their nose on the off-chance that anything muttered under their breaths or whispered discreetly would be picked up. Journalists are a sucker for secrets. Quite frankly, you don't care for his secrets, you don't care for his thoughts on today's events, and you really don't care for what he has to say at all.

But the only reason why you end up saying yes is because you care more about what people would think of you if you gave up an opportunity like that.

"Sure. Thanks."

You proceed to endure 15 minutes of Tom glorifying himself in front of the press. God, it's embarrassing. You could plainly hear the snide tone underneath the guise of 'self-evaluation'. Everyone seems to soak it up like a sponge, praising him for his insightful words and self awareness, writing nothing but positive words about the actor. Whatever. You wish you could drown him out but your paranoia is rooted to your recorder at his table, thinking the worst outcome as his fingers toying with its external case. What if he doesn't know how to work it and accidentally erases all you had from today? One slip up and it's gone. Your eyes constantly flicker from your recorder to him and no matter who he's speaking to or where he's looking, he always manages to catch your gaze.

Already outside your comfort zone, you audibly whimper when you see him lightly tap the little trash button at the end of the recorder, miles away from the stop, pause and play buttons that you would regularly use. You would only ever press that button with intention, it’s pretty to hard to press it accidentally. Even without knowing how to work the recorder, it doesn't take an idiot to know what that means, so watching Tom play with it tells you that he is whole-heartedly toying with you, enjoying the view of you panicking from his throne of sadism.

It's like he can sense your hatred towards him.

~~~~

"Thank you, thank you! Until next year!" Tom smiles as he walks off stage, your recorder in his clutch. The further he walks away, the faster you bob and weave through the crowd, feeling like you're fighting against the tide as it sweeps you out. Then, just as the room empties you reach the entrance to the backstage area in a relief, only to hit a brick wall that stands in your way between you and your highly coveted recorder.

"No press allowed backstage." A security guard towers over you.

"Tom Holland has my recorder. I'd like to get it back." You have no time for polite small chat, your request grumbling with agitation.

"Still can't allow you back--"

"You can let her through, Jim. It's alright." A young boy’s voice echoes from behind the wall.

The guard hesitantly lets you through, keeping you under his iron gaze while you slip through the narrow space he gives you. You are led out into a hallway with plaques decorating the hall, awards from winners of tournaments the venue has previously hosted, the newest addition being Tom's 'Pro-Amateur' plaque much to your distaste.

The boy you recognise as Tom's caddie leads you down this hallway, he hasn't said so much as a word to you as he confidently walks ahead. Now he's getting his assistant to fetch you? God, the arrogance!

"He's in here."

"Thanks," you quietly mutter. The door closes behind you, locking both you and the actor into the room. When you started the day bright and early this morning, you didn't think this was where you were going to end up. You couldn't have put money on it.

Although, you have to admit: despite putting your heart and soul into avoiding Tom Holland the entire day, this could be an exclusive for your article. Nobody else has had this opportunity, so why not take advantage of it?

Tom smiles as he greets you, carelessly tossing your recorder from hand to hand. You swallow nervously. "You are...?"

You respond with your name, who you report for, and make it abundantly clear that you would like to take back your recorder in one piece.

He approaches with a small, boyish chuckle like you just told a joke. "Sorry, I was just thinking," he casually says, "about how you once said you refuse to take anything from me."

What? Where did he hear...? Fuck. He listened to it. And that entire conversation you had with the Sky Sports reporter...

Your mouth drops. As does the anchor in your stomach.

"What was it you said again...?"

"You listened to it." He ignores you.

"Oh yeah, that my 'mismatching colour-blocking golfing attire wouldn't receive the same compliments'."

"You...listened to it all?" you reiterate once again. Your voice rings with all the inflections of a question, but you already know the answer. Unfortunately.

Tom's brows furrow inward.

"Honestly, I can overlook the fact you insulted my outfit, it doesn't bother me that much." There's a 'but' in his sentence. You're just waiting for it. You inwardly panic, trying to remember what else you said that would warrant that dreaded 'but'. Your shield of writer's anonymity has fallen; it's what protects you if you are to ever post negatively about a celebrity, but now that he knows your name and your face, you're left exposed.

"But..." There it is. And in a disbelief, he bites, "I'm too easy? Really?"

There's two ways you could go about this. Stand your ground and defend yourself, or dig yourself a grave and apologise.

Ha. Yeah right.

"I don't really think it was your place to listen to my recordings."

"Oh?"

"Mm-hm. Should've minded your business if you knew what was good for you."

"You--" He cuts himself off and takes a deep breath, almost to contain himself and tries again. "You," he points accusingly, "are very...very lucky that you look as attractive as your voice sounds."

Your cheeks flush angrily. Safe to say, you're not used to anyone calling you attractive let alone Tom Holland, so in your fluster you have no idea how to respond. You don't know how to tame the flutter in your heart nor the fire in your stomach. Instead, you ignore it all and revert back to your original goal.

"Can I have my recorder back? Please?"

"In a minute." He swats his hand away from yours. High above your reach, you stand helpless as you watch his thumb crash land onto the record button, resuming from where it last left off. "I think that what you have about me in your article is a little bit too harsh. Why don't we start putting some positivity back in. I think you have it in you to pay me just one compliment. I did win the competition after all, I think it's deserved."

You laugh hysterically. The nerve of this guy! So conceited. "You don't deserve anything from me."

"C'mon. Just one. It's not that hard. I promise I'll give you your recorder back straight after."

Succumbing to his torment, your eyes roll over his features, his hair, his outfit and his body, trying to identify possible compliments that would meet his demands but yet wouldn't inflate his ego too much. What you don't anticipate is you're spoiled for choice.

Defeated, you sigh. "You...smell nice."

"Aw, c'mon. I said you were attractive and all you could think of was that I smell nice? Try a little harder."

"Hey, you said the deal was that I give you one compliment then I get my recorder back. Cough up, Holland."

A smug grin pulls at his lips. "I'm not satisfied. And I will give it back when I am satisfied."

Given that your hatred towards Tom Holland is now at least justified and not just self-inflicted, it means that it's twice as hard to sacrifice it all and compliment him like he so desperately wants you to, a complete betrayal to your own beliefs. But you NEED your recorder.

"You look strong."

"Elaborate."

"You clearly work out."

"What in particular?"

"Your arms."

"How can you tell?" He's really pushing the mark, overstepping it by miles with the dirty smirk he has on his face because he knows he is. You audibly grumble at the sight. Losing patience...

"They just looked particularly...muscular when you were swinging the golf club."

"Why don't you give them a feel and you can tell your readers how strong they really are in detail? I know you want to."

Is it bad of you to admit that you do want to feel them? Absolutely. Are you going to announce that to him? Absolutely not.

You don't move for a couple of seconds, your own conscience making so much noise inside your head that you can't make a coherent thought. A spark of adrenaline twitches at your hands, enough to catch Tom's eyes but it's not enough to swing it into force.

Quietly, slowly, he reaches for your hand and envelopes his fingers around yours, manipulating them to wrap around his upper arm. He makes sure to mold your fingerprints into his skin while he tenses, just to feel the sheer density of his muscles. His skin is warm, soft to touch but yet firm to grasp. While you become instantly fascinated, his glistening smile brightens in the corner of your eye. It's so quiet in the room that Tom hears the softest stutter of breaths and he feels like a winner all over again.

"Well?" He nods towards the recorder, its red button flashing. For the readers...

"Definitely..." you clear your throat. Why has your mouth gone dry all of a sudden? You retract your hand. "Definitely toned. Sculpted."

"If that's what you like then I should show you this..."

He takes your hand once again, its warmth holding you captive, and drags it all the way down to his torso. You can't pull your eyes away from how he sensually slips your hand underneath the hem of his shirt and weaves your fingers between the valley of his abs. Your fingertips skate over every sculpted ab of his, feeling the way they almost shiver at your cold touch.

Your fingertips aren't enough. Tom takes a step closer and your whole palm presses against him, almost too intimately for strangers.

Tom's head quirks to the side to get a better view of you. "Thoughts?" he asks, even though he can read them so clearly on your face. You're becoming entranced.

"...Holy shit," you whisper. "Um, yeah. Strong."

"For a woman who had a lot to say about me, you're certainly lost for words now."

As the heat rises and things escalate, neither of you diffuse the tension and the string of long, uninterrupted silence continues. Every minute that passes by is a precarious step over crossing boundaries and breaking every rule you have in your moral bible.

It forces you to suck in a nervous breath and hold it for a few seconds while you deliberate what the end goal is. Of course, it was to leave with your recorder but given your current position and your change of opinions, you're not so sure anymore. To be clear, your change of opinion isn't necessarily about Tom; you still think he's conceited, arrogant and incredibly vain, but it is what you do with that opinion that has changed. Before, you avoided him, stopped yourself becoming another little lost sheep and following him at every opportunity. Now? You're giving him every drop of attention you have to give.

Tom watches you intently while he silently introduces himself to your shyer nature, definitely not the same person that walked in here in a fit of rage and demanding for their recorder. The minute he meets that side of you, he knows exactly what to do next.

He drops his head as he drops his voice into his lower register, your hand feeling all the rumblings from his chest. "Want to be completely speechless?"

Fuck it. Sure you do. "Mm-hm."

"Good girl."

You aren't actually sure what he's planning to do so you look for intention in his eyes, but you see nothing but darkened caverns and devilish features. In fact, it's because you're looking into his eyes that you don't realise that he's grown hard underneath his straight grey trousers. Like before, he guides your hand fluidly underneath the waistband where the button pops out easily, and navigates you under the elastic band where he desperately shapes your fingers around him. He pulses underneath you, shaking with relief that he has you exactly where he wants you.

You dare not pull your eyes away from his, even as they droop in his pleasure. More so now that you admit how seductive they look. You try to mirror that same seduction with a small smile, moving your hand up and down his shaft independently.

Fuck, the more you move your hand, the more you think it's never going to end. Bluntly put, he's huge.

As a journalist, you should be eloquent with your words, careful in your choice of vocabulary, definitive with your metaphors, but all those years of reading and writing falters the second the sheer size of him stuns you. It slightly pains you to be so tasteless but nevertheless, you don't think there's any other way to put it.

So caught up in the heat of it, your common sense finally comes to once again acknowledge your recorder in his hand. You forgot he had been recording this entire conversation...

He brings it closer to his lips, seductively whispering directly into it. "Just like that..." He keeps going. "Doing such a good job - fuck - don't stop."

Encouraged, and progressively feeling turned on, you tighten your hand around his cock and move faster.

"How do I feel, sweetheart?" The microphone tilts towards you. Detail. Although at this point, you don't think it's for your readers as much as it is for you and Tom.

"So big. I almost can't fit my hand around you."

He very nearly buckled. That voice of yours is like a siren to him. Little do you know that when he found your recorder and listened to all of your little angry ramblings about him, it had sparked up a fiery, unavoidable desire inside him. It was hell having to listen to your voice talk shit about him, he just couldn't stand it. He needed to hear you compliment him, worship him, adore him, and he spent every spare minute of his day replaying your recorder, instilling your voice to memory until he could manipulate your words, imagining what they would say about him.

But now that he actually gets to hear you feed into his desire is twice the satisfaction than he initially thought.

As quick as lightning hits, an idea occurs to him and it completely devastates his entire system; if hearing you compliment him turns him on, how would having you beg for him make him feel? The idea becomes such an unstoppable craving he already knows his imagination won't be able to satiate it this time. He needs it for real and right now.

"You wanna taste?"

Doe-like eyes stare up at him - oh, you are so capable of begging him - and your movements come to a halt...all except your thumb sweeping over his tip. You didn't actually think this was going to go any further than a hand job.

"You want me to?"

Oh no, no, no. This isn't about Tom begging. "Because I know you want to. I can see how desperately you want to tell everyone how I allowed you to come backstage, meet me, get on your knees for me, how I allowed you to suck me off and how I allowed you to taste me." His hand slithers up your jawline and brings you close, leaving nothing but a hair's breadth to separate you. As you anticipate the feeling of his lips, you have but his breath fanning over yours and the anxiety bubbling at the pit of your stomach to feed from. "You just need to beg for it, sweetheart."

Beg. It was hard enough to lose one battle and compliment him, but to lose an even bigger one and beg? You would be absolutely humiliated.

Would be meaning if it was under any other circumstance, if you weren't so spellbound and seduced by him. But that simply isn't the case.

Not uttering another word, you slowly drop to your knees keeping Tom with the wicked grin within your sights. The zipper of his trousers comes undone and you pull him free, watching as his cock stands tall and bobs heavily with weight. Instinctively, your tongue rushes to wet your lips.

"Beg." Tom demands again. The recorder soon comes back into your view and your jaw clicks with frustration. He's capturing every single word much to his demented, power-hungry mind.

You chew through your irritation and instead tune into the feeling that's bubbling in and around your stomach, the one that's being powered by him. "Please," you breathe. "Please, Tom, I wanna suck you off so badly, I promise I'll be good."

"And do you promise to never write a bad word about me ever again?"

Oh, this fucker.

"I prom-"

"Say it like you mean it."

How you so wish you could lie through your teeth, but you know for a fact that from now on, any bad word you write about Tom Holland will forever be tied with this day. You'll think twice about writing badly because being on your knees for him will get in the way. You'll struggle to find the words to knock him because the compliments you paid him will stain your lips. You'll hesitate to criticise him because you'll remember how you verbalised about his good looks.

"I promise. Just--just let me taste you." It's sad how desperate you sound. "Please?"

He doesn't respond. There's one last warning to give.

"If you break that promise, I will come for you."

Adrenaline rushes through your veins and your heart pounds. Despite being adamant in your dislike for Tom, you do somehow get the feeling that the threat that rings through his tone is not one to be taken lightly. It buzzes a little too seriously for you to brush over it. So you answer accordingly.

"Okay, I promise."

The threat dissipates and he looks at you approvingly, his empty hand dropping to cup your cheek. You aren't so unaware of the twitch of his cock in your hand. "I just want to make it clear and put on the record that out of the two of us..." Tom angles you closer, "it's you that's the easy one. Too easy. So easy that you're already on your knees and begging me."

How you would slap that grin clean from his face. The scowl on yours warns him of it, but he simply laughs, mocking you.

"C'mon, sweetheart. Admit it." His boyish chuckle continues to ring in the air and its contagious effect pulls at your lips despite trying to hide it. He sees clearly that it pains you to admit it, so as a small motivator, he crouches to your level, his hand still cradling your cheek. In quieter words, though still delivered through a smirk, he murmurs..."Be a good girl for me, yeah?" His lips melting onto yours stops you from getting the chance to reply. The surprise of it fogs up your brain, submitted into a dream-like state as he gently molds his lips onto yours. It's short and leaves you wanting more.

With a flutter of lashes, you nod. "Atta girl."

He stands up taller once again and you take that as your cue to fulfill your promise. Your lips wrap around him and your tongue darts to sweep over his tip. His groans can be heard above you and no doubt heard by the recorder, crescendoing the second your head starts bobbing. Your hand covers what your mouth can't reach, doing as much as you can to make him feel good. It seems to work; his hips begin thrusting. Slowly, at first, to swing into rhythm but the more you swallow him the less control he has of his own movements, and soon, with your hair wrapped tightly around his fist, he's rutting erratically, drinking in the sounds of your moans of pleasure and pain.

"Fuck, you're so good at that."

"Don't stop. Don't fucking stop."

"Taking me so well. Good girl."

"Just like that, shit."

"Look how easy you are, fuck. So willing, aren't you? You wanted a word for your precious Youth Diary? Here it is; you are so easy it's pitiful. Fuck--"

Tom's animalistic nature completely dominates to the point where your tears and gags are silently begging to slow down. Every part of you is screaming out: your throat is bruising, your lips are tearing, your eyes are streaming, your knees are cramping, but holy fuck hearing him talk about you like that fuels the fire inside you.

His thighs twitch underneath your hands and you think he might just cum down your throat. The red-hot grip he has of your roots is your only warning before that happens.

Warmth fills your mouth and you're quick to swallow it down before you choke, like it’s instinct. He holds you hostage with his cock deep in your mouth, using you to string out the orgasm for as long as he can. Minutes later, you open your eyes to see Tom hunching over, still very much catching up to you in regaining his composure. His white fist grips the recorder while the other remains tangled through your locks, keeping you in place to prevent you teasing him any further.

When all seems settled, Tom lifts your chin once more - dabbing off the little drop you seem to have missed - and catches your gaze from behind the tears forming in the corner of your eyes. You already know what he's going to ask of you and when he perches the recorder in front of you, he shoots you a wink.

"Detail." He simply says.

"Hmm, you taste so good, Tom. Best I've ever had. I could taste you all day."

At that moment, something snaps in Tom. The smirk drops and his jaw tenses. It's small, minute changes, but it dramatically changes the atmosphere in the room. You just don't know whether it's for better or for worse.

You find your answer when Tom's muscular arms promptly tuck themselves under your arms with vigour, yanking you up onto your feet. The clatter of your recorder steals your attention as Tom carelessly throws it onto a coffee table to his right; after all, he needs his hands to be free if he is planning on returning the favour. You should be complaining about his lack of regard for your equipment and how he could've broken it, but the red flashing light still shows sign of life, so you decide to overlook it for now. Besides, Tom doesn't give you long before he whips your head back to claim your lips, hungrily moaning into them as he forces his body weight against yours and slams you flat against the wall. The collision whips all of the air out of your lungs but it isn't what causes the gasp to jump from your throat. Tom's lips find your neck, suckling onto the supple skin with intentions to bruise, all to distract you from his hand slipping under your skirt. With ease, he palms your cunt, offering just enough of a tease to have you burning for more.

"I need to hear you say my name again with that voice of yours." Ah, so that's what triggered him.

"Tom," you mewl, almost purring.

"As sexy as that sounds, I think it will sound even better when you’re cumming for me."

Oh fuck.

It's frightening how quickly Tom is able to weaken you with just the deft touch of his fingers to your clit and punishing kisses to your neck. You try your best to soak it in and remain somewhat stable to remember every moment of it, but goddammit you can't keep yourself together. So much so that despite Tom claiming to adore the sound of your voice, for the sake of dignity, he keeps his hand clamped hard against your mouth. Neither of you want curious ears to overhear the scandal coming from within.

Never did you think that Tom's all-round talents included making a girl cum so easily. It's kind of frustrating.

His fingers circle around your clit, dragging and pulling every nerve he can find and it winds you up perfectly. Legs shaking, breath faltering, you suspect you have mere seconds before he takes your orgasm.

Your whines and moans buzz from behind Tom's hand, muffled and diffused. Eventually he lets go, and replaces his hand with his lips, once again thrashing against yours.

"You gonna cum for me?"

"Fuck, I--"

"Say my name. Beg me to let you cum."

"Tom, please, I want to cum. Please let me cum."

Two fingers slot themselves into you, his palm taking over pleasing your clit and you have to stop yourself from buckling. It is the last sign Tom needs to know that you're on the precipice of shattering. With a devilish twinkle to his eye and a crooked smile, he sinks closer to you, his lips narrowly brushing against the shell of your ear and whispers the word. "Cum."

In a similar fashion to Tom what seems like hours ago, you come undone. Your hands grip onto his shoulders for stability as he refuses to stop abusing your cunt. His fingers dig deeper, his hand moves faster, and the tight curl of his knuckle breaking you sends you spiralling.

The gut-twisting tension soon turns to tranquil bliss as he slows his movements, finally catching a breath to revel in the post-orgasm haze with a twitch or two catching you out.

For as egotistical as you believed Tom to be, with the grounding kisses he litters over your cheek, neck, lips, he completely negates that belief. He utterly dominated you, yet affection fuels his movements; something you don't expect a vain person to have. Maybe he isn't all you made him out to be...

Calmly, you both collect yourselves until you're presentable, standing apart within the room as if what just happened never happened. The heat of the room is all that's left to suggest otherwise.

Tom doesn't stop you from reaching for your recorder, the plastic rectangular object feeling like home in your hand. You firmly press the stop button, letting the audio file save before you address Tom again.

"Thanks for...y'know, keeping it safe. I genuinely don't know what I would've done if I lost it."

Tom smiles kindly. "It's no problem."

"Oh, and congratulations."

He nods humbly. "Thank you. I didn't actually think I was going to win it, but I guess luck was on my side." Huh. He's not bragging...

Settling your recorder into your bag, you begin to make your way out of the room. You hadn't realised how late it had gotten and how hungry you had became until your stomach grumbled loudly. As you take your cue to leave, Tom leads you out with a gentle hand to the small of your back and chills arise. Shit. Don't start liking him now...

Tom clears his throat before you completely disappear. "Will I be seeing you lurking about any other events this year?"

Something about his question makes you smile. "Maybe. I've got a few film premieres that I will be attending."

"Good. Well, if any of them include me, I'll make sure to review your work again." How his wink makes you weak.

"Hmm, we'll see, Tom Holland."

~~~~~

It takes you over a week after the golfing event to eventually find the courage to finish writing your article. Most of it is written from what you remember thinking throughout the day, but your work leaves much to be desired. All that's missing from the article can be found on your recorder that you have deliberately been ignoring knowing what filth it contains.

It takes a couple of glasses of wine on a Saturday night to find the bravery to listen to it once again. It all goes smoothly at first, words flow from your mind to your fingertips and your article slowly builds as your past self feeds you your own commentary from that day. You were going to stick with your original idea, deciding to keep in all your criticisms about Tom Holland because who's going to stop you?

But your valour is short lived. Because you've reach the end. When you think you have the finished product, a masterpiece of literacy for your readers to enjoy and you have nothing else to write. Just when you think you're about to press 'publish' that you reach that part of your recording that you just can't bring yourself to turn off.

Shit, it turns you on so much to hear Tom's voice once again demand that you promise to never write another criticism again and the way you caved so easily in your lust-induced state. Even listening to it makes you resonate with it all over again, resurrecting the same excitement and anxiety to stir in your stomach. It's a reminder that persuades you that you don't necessarily agree with what you write about Tom. It makes you reconsider all that you've just written, your finger hovering over the backspace button prepared to fix the promise you're about to break.

Fuck. It's such a good story. Probably one of the best articles you've written. Alas, with the disagreement going on in your head, you can't find it in yourself to commit to it. There's also the problem that if you are to post it, the privilege of writers' anonymity will no longer be in your possession. Tom does, after all, know your name and your face, and you are damn sure he will take the time to find it and read it. What unnerves you is that you have no idea what actions he might take. How could you forget that warning?

"If you break that promise, I will come for you."

So there you sit with your empty glass of wine, chewing nervously on your nails while your eyes dry at the light of the screen you've been deliberating over for the last three hours. The question still remains.

What do you do?

[thisgirlnamedblusy]

So hear me out, the first time Donna is close enough to reader while they sleep right? Well. Reader may have forgot to mention that they randomly stop breathing for a few seconds sometimes(it’s called sleep something that starts with an A) idk I think it’s kinda funny when I do that but yk. That or reader who had horrible depth perception and walks into things all the time so has bruises everywhere and forgets where exactly they come from

Yesss!!! Well, I chose the apnea option if you don't mind :))) Thank you for your request, I hope you like it and sorry about the language mistakes!!! :))))

Sleeping problems

Pairing: Donna Beneviento x Fem! Reader

Warnings: Fluff, reader has sleep apnea, protective Donna

Word count: 2,686

Summary: You live with Donna now, but maybe you forgot about telling her something...

N/A: Sorry about the language mistakes, Donna requests are open!! My other account problems are solved, but I've decided to stay here definetely :))) I'm gonna make a master list and rules soon. I love you all!! :))))

“Are you comfortable?” Donna asked, covering you with the sheets. Her hands trembled, revealing a more than obvious nervousness.

It wasn't like other times at the beginning of your relationship. This time you could say that her nerves were more than justified. After months of insisting, insisting and insisting, you finally decided to take the final step: abandon your old house in the village and live with her.

Donna was your first long-term relationship, and you had doubts too. If something went wrong, you didn't know what the consequences could be. She was still one of the lords of the place and if you hurt her, you would suffer her wrath, and probably Mother Miranda's as well.

But that absurd fear of discrepancies or disagreements disappeared as soon as you started to really get to know her. Donna would never hurt you, or at least it’s what your almost unhealthy heart made you think.

Donna Beneviento had many flaws…. Some of them were natural, others were caused by years and years of terrible loneliness. To get used to her fear of losing you or her completely unjustified jealousy didn't take you too long, although it's true that this obsession with possessing you was the hardest thing to adjust to. She was that way, and you could never change it.

“Yes, yes... I'm fine, Donna,” you replied amused, snuggling up next to her in bed. “Come on, calm down.”

“Okay, okay,” she sighed, freeing her black hair from the messy bun she always tied it in. “Forgive me, (Y/N), I'm just nervous.”

“Don't apologize,” you said, laughing, grabbing her hand tenderly making that tremor disappear. “By the way… What should we do now?” You asked, lowering your tone and purring very close to her ear.

“What do you want to do?” She asked back, avoiding one of your unexpected kisses.

“I don't know... You and me... A bed...” You said murmuring, running a finger along her waist.

She pulled away from you and shook her head, a tender smile on her face.

“No, tesoro... Not tonight,” she said in a soft voice, suppressing the shiver that your touch made her feel.

“Why?” You asked, disappointed.

“Tonight is a very special moment, I don't want to ruin it.”

“Ruin it? Hey…” You said, pretending to be offended.

“No, I'm not saying that because I don't like it, (Y/N)... I just... I just want our first night together to be special...”

“Oh, well, okay,” you said reluctantly, lying down again and forgetting the desire that had already begun to form inside you. “So?  We are going to just sleep?”

“Aren't you excited to sleep with me?” She asked, letting out her demons, the shadows that made her doubt your feelings.

“What? Of course, of course, darling,” you said, scared by her heavy breathing. It wasn't easy to deal with her problems. Sometimes you forgot how sensitive she could be.

“You don’t love me?” She asked, her eye shining, with an expression of genuine terror. Time to act.

“Well, of course I love you, Donna... Come on, relax, breathe, breathe with me,” you said, grabbing her hands, sitting on the bed and keeping your gaze on hers. “That's it… take a breath…”

She obeyed your instructions and finally relaxed.

“I'm sorry, (Y/N). I wish I didn't have these… Flaws,” she said, snuggling next to you under the covers.

“Don’t worry. We all have flaws,” you replied, caressing her body and kissing the palm of her hand.

“Not you,” she said with a hoarse voice.

“Oh, of course I have…”

Donna looked at you curiously, reaching out with her hand to turn off the light on the table and make darkness fall over your embraced bodies.

“Go to sleep, princess... The truth is that I'm very excited to wake up next to you,” you said softly, planting a soft and tender kiss on her cheek.

“Really?” She asked, excited again.

“Really…”

Moving the stuff you had in your house to the Beneviento estate was an exhausting work. You didn't really know why you were interested in doing anything different than sleeping. Tiredness made your eyelids close immediately and, with the heat of her body pressed against yours, you fell into a deep sleep.

Even though you weren't used to that bed (at least to sleeping on it), nothing could stop you from dreaming peacefully like every night.

“Mmm,” you murmured when the light on the table made you squeeze your eyes tightly.

“(Y/N)... You're awake,” Donna whispered, looking at you, sitting on the bed and running a hand over your cheek. You smiled when you felt her caresses and yawned lazily.

“Yes, now I am...” you murmured with your voice hoarse from sleep. “What time is it?”

“8 o'clock,” she responded, studying your gaze in a strange way.

“Oh my God, I’ve slept so well...” you said, sitting up and stretching comically.

“I don't think so, idiot... You...” Angie's squeaky voice made your ears tremble.

“Angie, shut up,” Donna said sharply, making her doll flee the room in terror.

“What is she talking about?” You asked, still with problems to open your eyes.

“Nothing, it doesn't matter,” Donna said, perhaps a bit abruptly. “Have you really rested well?”

“Of course, why do you ask?” You wanted to know, taking a sip of the glass of water on your table.

“Oh, it's nothing,” Donna responded, with that look that betrayed a filthy lie.

“Did you sleep well?” You asked, giving your girlfriend a quick kiss on the lips. She stood still for a moment, until she smiled softly and nodded.

“With you by my side, tesoro, I have rested better than ever," she whispered into your lips, kissing you again before getting up. There was something strange in her gaze, but you ignored it. “You want breakfast?”

“Of course, of course. I'm quite hungry,” you said happily, as she got out of bed.

That was the first day of many others. Living with her was the best decision of your life, without a doubt. Your relationship only got better and better. Although, it is true that strange things happened every night. Sometimes you had the feeling that you were waking up, or rather, that you were being woken up, by gently moving your body. You didn't give it the slightest importance.

One afternoon, as was customary, you rested on her chest while you took a hot bath. With the cold outside, it was an unimaginable pleasure.

Donna yawned loudly, making you turn your head in amusement.

“Are you sleepy?” You asked with a slightly mocking tone. The water moved when you wanted to turn around and face her.

“No, I... Well, maybe a bit,” she responded, cupping your face in her hands. “Come, I like to caress you.”

The doll maker turned you around again, making your head rest on her bare chest again, under the pleasant temperature of the hot water.

“It's 5 in the afternoon,”  you continued mocking.

“Oh, is it?” She asked, relaxing her breathing, gently grabbing your waist.

“Yes, that's what the clock says,” you said, amused.

Although everything was going perfectly well, Donna was weirder than usual.

“Oh, of course, the clock tells the time...” she said in a tired, almost delirious tone. You frowned and made another attempt to turn around, frustrated by her hands pressing you against her chest.

“Donna, honey… Are you okay?” You asked, joining your hands with his under the water.

“Yes, yes...” she sighed. You shrugged.

“Okay, then... Do you feel like taking a walk? I heard there is a meteor shower tonight,” you said, making her arm pass through your chest, surrounding it affectionately.

“Mm,” she murmured, taking advantage of the position of her arm to continue caressing you, slower and slower.

“I always liked to see how the stars fall from the sky... When I was little I always asked myself what would happen if they touched the ground...”

“Mm”

“I imagined that they would fall like diamonds, shining in the darkness of the night, and that I could take one home. How silly, don't you think?”

That time, not even a soft murmur left her lips. You moved, surprised. You always liked to talk too much and Donna always listened to you with her full attention.

You turned slowly, removing her now motionless arm from your body.

Donna had her head resting on the bathtub, breathing deeply with her eye closed. You couldn't believe what you saw.

“Donna,” you said, amused. “Hey, Donna!” You screamed louder, splashing some water on her face.

“Mm? What?” she asked, shaking her head confused, making a face of disgust at the water you threw in her face. “Dove siamo?”

“What? You’re asking me where are we? Donna, honey, we're home... In the bathtub...” You said in disbelief, watching as she looked erratically to the sides, blinking repeatedly. “You have fallen asleep.”

“Have I?” She asked, sighing, sitting up. “Oh, well…”

“It's not the first time in several days that I see you falling asleep around the house, are you sure you're okay?” You asked, brushing the hair from her face. She nodded, once again giving away the lie.

“Oh, I... Well... Yes, I'm fine, just... You know, the heat of the steam... Being here with you... I've relaxed too much, I'm so sorry.”

“Don’t worry...” you said with a suspicious look, kissing his wounded cheek carefully.

As the days passed, her sudden naps became more and more frequent. You knew something was wrong with her, but she didn't want to tell you. You began to believe that it had something to do with you, and that it had a lot, a lot to do with a small detail about you that you had never told her about.

“Angie, where is Donna?” You asked, closing the book you were reading. The doll shrugged. You looked at the clock on the wall and frowned. “It's almost lunch time, normally at this time she is already cooking.”

“Hey, stupid (Y/N), you think my Donna is your slave?” The doll protested, climbing onto the couch next to you.

You rolled your eyes.

“No, Angie. If she let me cook I wouldn't be asking.”

“That's because your food is garbage, garbage!” The doll screeched irritatingly.

“It's funny that a porcelain doll without stomach or sense of taste tells me that,” you said mockingly, crossing your arms. “Anyway, I'm going to look for her, I'm sure she hasn't noticed the time.

After avoiding the throwing of objects that Angie usually protested with, you took the elevator down. It was quite common for time to fly by for her when she worked on her dolls.

“Donna? It's me, are you there?” You asked softly, knocking on the workshop the doors. “Donna?”

There was no response, which made you a bit nervous. You decided to leave education aside and open the door yourself. The sight before you was funny and strange at the same time.

Sure enough, Donna was there, sitting in one of the chairs. But she wasn’t focused like she usually was. No, this time her head was resting on the table, making soft sounds, suspiciously similar to the ones she made when she fell asleep.

“I don’t believe what I see,” you said, holding back your laughter, slowly approaching the woman. “Hey, Donna,” you said, moving her back slowly, caressing it so as not to startle her.

“(Y/N)?” The woman in black growled, raising her head from the table. On her cheek, she had stuck a color palette, which had smeared paint all over her face. Your desire to laugh only increased.

“Were you putting on makeup?” You joked, under her disoriented gaze.

“What? No, no... I was... I was painting a doll and...” She said in a hoarse voice, running her hands over her stained face. “Oh, not again…”

“You fell asleep again, huh?” You said, crossing your arms. “Look what you've made to your face. Come, let me help you.”

“Yes, yes I... Oh...” She murmured confusedly, letting you help her to stand up.

The two of you walked to the sink in the next room and carefully cleaned the paint stains from her face.

You ran the water over her face, removing most of the paint.

“Sit down, my love,” you said lovingly, grabbing a towel that was near the sink. She simply nodded, embarrassed.

While you passed the towel over her face, definitively cleaning it, you decided that it was time to talk about those naps.

“Donna,” you whispered, sighing and bending down, putting your hands on her shoulders so she could look at your face. “I’m worried about you.”

“About me? Why? I'm fine,” she said, pathetically looking away from her.

“You lie terribly,” you said, amused. “I've been living with you for two weeks and... I don't know, Donna, something's wrong with you, you're constantly exhausted.”

“I don't…”

“Come on, tell me what's happening. Look at you... It seems like you haven't slept in days,” you said, delicately lifting her chin. “You don’t sleep?”

She didn't respond. She simply shook her head slowly.

“Don’t you? Wow, am I moving too much?” You asked, sitting in a chair next to her.

Donna shook her head again.

“Okay...” You said to yourself, thoughtful.

“You... Sometimes you... No, you stop breathing,” Donna said, with trembling hands, as if the mere fact of saying something like that disturbed her. “Every night I hug you and… Suddenly, your chest stops moving, I can't hear your breathing. You always do it again but... I'm, I'm really afraid that one day...”

“Oh, that was it!” You said, with a tone perhaps too high. “Don't worry about that, Donna. It's normal, it's happened to me since I was little.”

“Don't worry? I'm saying that you stop breathing, (Y/N),” she said with a serious, stern tone.

“Yes, I know,” you whispered, amused, relieved to finally know the problem. “It's something that happens to many people. It's called sleep apnea.”

“I've never read anything about that,” Donna said, feeling ashamed of her ignorance.

“Well, it's nothing you have to worry about. Sometimes I stop breathing for a few seconds while I'm sleeping, but I always do it again. The doctor said there was nothing to worry about.”

“Why hadn't you told me before?” She asked, offended by what she believed was a lack of trust.

“Because I don't consider it something important...” You sighed, smiling in relief. “Wait, wait,” you said, frowning, when some revelations crossed your mind. “Haven't you slept all these nights?”

She shook her head, looking down again.

“I stay awake to watch you. If, if something happens to you while I'm sleeping I... I don't know what would happen to me.”

You couldn't help but burst into loud laughter.

“Does it seem funny to you?” She asked offended.

“No, no... It just, it just seems very cute to me, Donna... So that's why you fall asleep anywhere, because you're awake at night... Have I ever told you how much I love you?”

“This is serious, (Y/N),” the woman scolded you, her gaze cold.

“No, no... You shouldn't worry so much, really... Do you trust me?”

“I do”

“Then forget about it, okay? Stop watching me at night. Nothing will happen to me, I promise. Not sleeping is very dangerous for your health.”

“Losing you would be even worse,” she stated sadly, looking for your hand to squeeze it tightly with hers.

“You're not gonna lose me”

After those sincere words, you leaned to kiss her tenderly, to say with a kiss how much you loved her, how much you were happy about the enormous love she felt for you.

“Now, honey, go to bed, get the rest you need. I'll make the food, even if Angie says it's garbage.”

“Oh, come on, she doesn't mean it,” Donna said, amused, getting up from the chair with your help.

“Shh, shut up and go to sleep, my beautiful Donna... I love you so much...” You sighed, not being able to avoid kissing her again.

“Me too, (Y/N), me too...”

[wildgeese98]

I've seen a lot of takes about Celia's motivations, why she decided to go through with her plan to lure Sam to the Hilltop Center. Obviously it's complex. She's got a hell of a lot of weird stuff going on and personally I think she spent all of season one incredibly scared and conflicted. But I have seen a lot of people be weirdly dismissive of how powerful a motivation not wanting to be separated from your child is. To the point where I've seen some people outright dismiss it, essentially saying her actions were completely unjustified because someone else could raise Jack and he'd be fine. I'm not really interested in debating whether she was justified but I find that to be an wild take.

I've also seen people saying she was more motivated by wanting to hold on to the sense of identity being a mother gave her after her identity was ripped away in the Spiral domain. While there's definitely something to that, I find it more interesting to think about it in conjunction with her mundane desire to be with her baby. The two aren't mutually exclusive. Honestly I kind of bristle at the idea that Celia acting out of "maternal instinct" or whatever is uninteresting or an insufficient explanation for her actions. That the terror at the prospect of losing her child isn't enough to explain why she would choose to doom another person. I don't have children, but "you might never ever seen the person you care most about in the world again" would be enough for me to do some pretty drastic things if I thought they would prevent it.

I don't know, this post is a little more directly pointed at other posts than I usual like to be, but this did get me kind of riled and it's been bouncing around my head for a few days.

I do think Celia's motivations are complex and they aren't just about Jack. She wants to stay with Jack and protect him, she wants to stay in this new life and identity that she built for herself from the ground up, she doesn't want to go back to the eternal torture hell dimension (that's a big one that's also kind of weirdly overlooked I feel). But honestly not wanting to be separated from her child is a big enough thing on it's own for me to understand why she did what she did, and I don't really get why some people are so dismissive of it.

[football-and-fanfics]

Fight - Trent Alexander-Arnold & Andy Robertson

Who: Trent Alexander-Arnold, Andy Robertson Prompt: "I messed this up, didn't I?" Requested by: anonymous Word count: 676 Warnings: some mild swearing

Right from the beginning of the match, Andy knew it could easily come to blows at some point. This was a high profile match, important in their race for the title, and the opposing team's players did everything possible to get under the Liverpool players' skins.

Andy kept a very close eye on Trent. Somehow he seemed frustrated most of all, and looked to need only a tiny spark to explode. That spark proved to be Virgil getting booked in the 30th minute, which Trent believed was completely unjustified.

The situation quickly spiraled out of control. Trent rounded on the referee, a few of the opposing team's players, and even some of his own teammates. He was raging, swearing, and lashing out at anyone coming close to him. Andy realized that, if he didn't intervene quickly, this would surely lead to Trent getting sent off.

"Get away from them." Andy slung a forceful arm around Trent's chest, trying to break up the fight which had ensued, and calm his friend down. "Let me go!" Trent struggled against the Scotsman's grip. "No." Andy grunted slightly with the effort of keeping Trent in check. "This isn't right," Trent growled, "he shouldn't be getting a yellow card, and everyone else should stay the hell out of it!" "Hey!" Andy got angry now, too. "I'm trying to look out for you! Calm down and stop this right now!"

Trent finally struggled loose from Andy's grip, turning around angrily to his friend. He looked more out of control than Andy had ever seen him, but the Scot wasn't impressed by that.

"Why aren't you doing anything?" Trent bit to Andy. "I'm making sure you're not getting sent off." Andy was reaching the limits of his patience, but did his best not to show it. Trent scoffed. It had every intention of offending Andy, and it did.

"Get a grip of yourself," Andy said curtly. There were many more things he wanted to hurl at Trent's head right now, but he knew this wasn't the moment for it. Trent made to say something in return, but Andy simply held up a hand to silence him. Trent glared angrily, before he snapped his mouth shut and stalked away.

Andy passed a hand over his face. He didn't like arguing with Trent, especially when he worried at Trent's behavior, but in this case he felt he had had no other choice. Andy knew Trent would probably calm down and apologize soon enough, they were way too good friend to have this take long, but still this fight didn't sit right with him.

---

The final whistle had barely sounded, when Trent approached Andy. "I messed this up, didn't I?" He much resembled a kicked puppy, with his shoulders slouched and head bent low in apparent shame. Andy took a second before he answered. "I'm not used to this from you, no. Plus, you were lucky the ref didn't send you off."

Trent sighed heavily, searching for his voice to speak. "I'm sorry... so sorry." He shook his head in disbelief at his own actions. "I didn't mean that. I... lost control." "That I saw," Andy answered, "I'm not mad at you, lad. I'm more worried at what caused that, because that's not you." "I know." Trent sighed, passing a hand over his face. "I guess I was... frustrated with myself, with the situation, with this match. I took it out on you, and I shouldn't have done that."

Andy looked at Trent for a few seconds, taking in the utter embarrassment and guilt in his posture. Any anger he still might have still felt towards his friend, ebbed away at the sight of Trent so defeated in front of him.

"I know you didn't mean it," Andy finally spoke. Trent looked up at him. "So... so we're good?" "Oh, Trentski." Andy pulled Trent into a tight bear hug. "You and I, we're never not good. Please, remember that." Trent wrapped his arms tightly around Andy in return. "I'm still sorry, and it won't happen again."

Tags: @stonesyyyy, @footballffbarbiex, @football1921, @laurasstufff1, @nightlockcornucopia, @hbstre, @sarah10r-blog, @mountsgirlsblog

Add me to the tags list | Full writing masterlist Andy Robertson masterlist | Trent Alexander-Arnold masterlist

[seriousbrat]

Both James and Snape were assholes and her being one of their closest people indicates she wasn't great or kind. She probably was pretty shallow with her morals. When I said she was classist I was pointing at her SWM moment where she threw a classist insult. When I said she was immature I was pointing at her having a baby in the middle of war and two years into a relationship. When I mentioned she was judgemental I meant her jumping to conclusions during her Snape interactions. Like when she said he should be grateful that James saved him - she said that just because she heard her friends saying it without caring about the other side. And when I said she was a social climber I pointed at her marrying a rich pureblood - the guy who bullied her ex best friend. It is obvious she saw the benefits of marrying a rich guy who could protect her as a muggleborn, despite knowing how awful he is. But like I said she justified it by thinking "atleast he doesn't use the dark arts". Hope you understand my perspective now.

Both James and Snape were assholes and her being one of their closest people indicates she wasn't great or kind.

do you think so? you don't think it's possible for people who are kind to have friends who aren't or haven't always been great people? 'She was probably pretty shallow with her morals' lmao where? why probably? She criticised and eventually dumped Snape because he was doing things that went against her morals, as she should, and she started dating James when he 'deflated his head' and dedicated himself to fighting for a cause that she believed in. I think she was understanding, understanding of the fact that people have the potential to be good, rather than shallow. But you've obviously jumped to the worst conclusions about Lily, for your own reasons I'm sure.

When I said she was classist I was pointing at her SWM moment where she threw a classist insult.

what classist insult? about snape washing his pants u mean? hahahhaa. honestly fair like he should be washing his pants and honestly after he called her a slur which is much much worse than this idk, like I can't bring myself to feel that bad about this haha. Idc go off Lily. She's much worse and more insulting to James anyway.

Look, I understand your perspective, I just think it's really, really unfair. And you're projecting a LOT of your own conclusions onto Lily, again unfairly. Where is it stated or even remotely implied in canon that "it is obvious she saw the benefits of marrying a rich guy who could protect her as a muggleborn, despite knowing how awful he is." lmfao. This is such a reach. It's so incredibly misogynistic to assume, based on nothing but your own weird beliefs, that she married James because she was a gold digger lmaoo.

If she hated his guts and married him out of some weird obligation why was she described as 'alight with happiness' at her wedding to him instead of looking scared and worried or regretful or conflicted or whatever. Everything we're shown about Lily and James as a couple points to them being in love with each other. There's 0 evidence for Lily being a gold digger. Girl stop it lmao

The only thing here I can see a bit (and only a bit) of truth to is that I do think Lily has a bit of a righteous streak, and possibly can be a bit judgmental at times. However, I think it's completely fair for her to judge Snape for the actions she brings up in Prince's Tale because they're worthy of judgment. I judge him for them too. Like it's just not that bad and nowhere as near as terrible as you're making it out to be.

immature I was pointing at her having a baby in the middle of war and two years into a relationship.

honestly I'm not going to fully get into this, like let's leave aside the fact that a 20 year old is pretty obviously going to be immature, but to be perfectly honest, based on the fact that you clearly see Lily as a shallow morally bankrupt gold digger I don't feel unjustified in suspecting that this, too, is rooted in misogyny and lack of empathy for women.

tl;dr no I still absolutely disagree with you.

[drakaripykiros130ac]

I don't understand how anyone can like the Greens in the series. I like them in the books because they are good villains, specifically Alicent. I would have given anything to see her come to life on screen rather than the pathetic thing we were treated to. That doesn't help with the fact that apparently Ryan Condal has finally confirmed he's team Greens... I'll never understand this guy. How could he read the book and say that no, the Greens were justified in any way ?! Also, the guts you have to have, even within this fandom, to openly say you support the group of misogynistic and blood purist usurpers... In the sense of saying that they are completely right or that Blacks are just as horrible! But in what universe ?! Ryan Condal would also have said that we would probably change preferred camps in season 2... Man, you can still dream, even with your stupid supporting documents for TG everyone still prefers the Blacks team. It's distressing that the director of the series himself doesn't understand anything he's adapting and that so many people are going in this direction. The number of idiots who tried to explain to me that both teams were equally horrible, that the Greens can't be pure villains because GRRM only writes complex characters, it's obvious. Like GRRM has never written a pure villain ? Are you sure you've read the books he wrote ? No but I swear that since the release of the series, asoiaf fans are worse than before in their unjustified hatred of the Targaryens... These people think they are moral by wanting to put the two teams on the same level or by saying that the Blacks are worse. That revolts me.

Essentially what neutrals think ;

“Yes, it’s not good what the Greens did, but the Blacks are no better seen as they dared to fight back for their rights.”

Like... What dimension did I land in ?!

Just last time, I received comments from someone supposedly accepting that the Greens were worse, but trying to explain to me that Daemon groomed Rhaenyra (which is false book or series), that the murder of 'a Greens child is unjustified (while the Greens shed blood first and we are in a feudal context) that Lucerys taking Aemond's eye is unjustified (Wtf ?!) ah and the best thing was to me say at face value that Daemon was not a gray character and that he was like Aegon IV... (Again... WTF ?!)

https://www.tumblr.com/darklinaforever/701570671006875648/i-hate-when-people-say-greens-and-blacks-are-on

(Afterwards I wasn't gentle in my answers either, but I'm fed up with this type of people)

I personally never liked the greens in the book. To me, they were always the villains. Always. I never viewed Daemon and Rhaenyra as pure innocent angels, don’t get me wrong. I recognize the few mistakes Rhaenyra makes in the book, as well as Daemon’s many, many faults.

For instance, yes, Rhaenyra should not have had Vaemond murdered (even though what he spoke was treasonous and threatened her position as well as the lives of her children). She should not have gone so far with the taxes during her reign (even though she was left with no choice).

However, in this story, despite all their faults, I always felt Rhaenyra and Daemon were perfectly justified. Because their good qualities kind of eclipse the bad stuff. The Blacks are the anti-heroes of the story. They have done some questionable things, but all of them have been justified/done with good reason and good purpose.

The Greens are a whole different story. Everything they have done (mainly Alicent and Otto), they have done out of jealousy and pure greed (hence why they were given the color “green” - the color of greed and envy). 95 % of the war crimes are done by the Greens. Literally the only thing the Blacks are to be held accountable for is B&C. Other than that, every crime was courtesy of the Greens.

To me, the Greens have always been split between those who are anti-villains (Aegon, Helaena, Daeron), and those who are pure villains (Alicent, Otto, Aemond).

For the anti-villains: The one time Aegon presents some goodness is when he has reservations about usurping his half-sister. Other than that, he is pure evil; Helaena can’t be considered a pure innocent soul either. She has good qualities, but she is extremely underdeveloped as a character in the book and we don’t know her thoughts, her motives. She didn’t protest the usurpation and accepted the position of queen consort easily; Daeron is somehow given a free pass by certain people because he is “the daring”, and while that’s true, these people forget how he burned a whole village of innocent people alive.

For the pure villains, not much need be said. Alicent and Otto are a bunch of opportunistic hypocrites and vicious upstarts. I haven’t sensed any bit of goodness in them. Aemond is a psycho with zero redeeming qualities.

Now, in the show, I don’t feel as if the Greens are portrayed better than they have been in the book. I feel like the show writers (mainly Ryan Condal) are trying to come up with lame excuses for them, and it’s just not working. The great majority of the viewers still hate Alicent as much as they did in the book, regardless how many times she presents those “doe eyes”, and the great majority still believe the Greens are in the wrong.

In the show, when it comes to the Greens, there’s always some sort of “reason”, some sort of “accident”. Alicent didn’t mean to shoot her mouth off and convince Larys to murder the current hand, Lyonel Strong, so that her father could return as Hand (even though that is exactly what she wanted). Aemond didn’t mean to let Vhagar know that he wants Lucerys dead (even though his pursuing and direct attack showed his intentions to murder the boy). Crispin somehow didn’t mean to crush Beesbury’s skull in that ball, even though he acted aggressively towards the man for simply speaking the truth and nothing but the truth at that treasonous Council meeting.

These excuses the show writers make for the greens make no sense whatsoever. They should have stuck with the actual canon portrayal, because it’s just ridiculous at this point.

So what if the two sides are not evenly matched?

They’re not supposed to!

GRRM doesn’t write purely good vs bad in his universe, that is true. He loves the complexity of the characters and the stories. However, that does not mean that he intended for the Blacks and the Greens to be evenly matched in this story.

He himself admitted that he wrote the book more in the Blacks’ favor because that’s how he felt (ironic, considering that Fire and Blood is told from the point of view of green supporters). It’s his story. I have seen people accuse him of being biased, always in favor of the Blacks.

Yes, he clearly wrote the Blacks as the protagonists, with better developed characters, with the best allies, the most heroic/epic deaths, most dragons, most Houses supporting them.

I mean, the Starks are TB, while the Lannisters are TG. That alone should give you a clue as to which side you’re supposed to be rooting for.

Clearly GRRM is Team Black, but who says he can’t be? Who says that the sides have to be evenly matched? It’s his story! If he says the Blacks are right, the Blacks are right.

TG stans are just in denial at this point.

[gunsatthaphan]

🏆 Top 10 of 2023 💫

a few anons have requested this and I was also kind of indirectly tagged by @blneobin, @elizabethsebestianhedgehog and @khaotungsfirst for slightly different posts but I decided to just combine them all into one 😄 hope that's fine with everyone ✌🏻

My watchlist wasn't very extensive this year due to time reasons but here are my personal highlights:

Don't think I have to explain much about this one lol (she says as she proceeds to write a whole paragraph) After the masterpiece that was The Warp Effect and the disaster that was Never Let Me Go, I was nervous about what Jojo was gonna cook up with this one lmao but luckily my fears were unjustified. The watching experience was absolutely insane and it turned me into a different person in the time between August and October lmao. It wasn't perfect, I got annoyed at times but overall it's undoubtedly my number 1 this year. SandRay my loves, my babes, my roman empire lmao. I loved their story so much, they were the main characters for me lol but it was such a good ensemble in general and each cast member was the perfect fit for their respective characters, including Mond as Boeing who was the cherry on top of all the madness and also my boy Mix as the first Only Friends Stay guest, leaving room for imagination lmao. It was raw, real and unapologetically chaotic aka my favorite kind of plot. pure perfection. Jojo outdid himself once again. 10/10.

No words just vibes. It went by SUPER fast and I'm still mad that they chose to air an 8 episode show twice a week like whose idea was that?? To air a treasure like this in the course of 4 weeks is more homophobic than Jim's family lmao. But anyway. Doesn't change the fact that it was an incredible production, so visually stunning, so carefully written and so well executed down to the tiniest detail. It deserves every single award it won because what a masterpiece. It made me extremely emotional but in the best way. I'm still in awe. amazing. life changing.

I kinda hate to admit this bc it was SO full of crack lmao but it was SO much fun?? I had low expectations but I had the best time from start to finish. It made me laugh so hard I frequently dislocated my lungs lmao, the overall watching experience was just incredible. Story-wise it was sprinkled with the typical Domundi nonsense, the surreal cartoonish vibes were dominating and it was overall another show where I couldn't tell you what the plot was afterwards lmao - but everyone who lived through the Cutie Pie experience wouldn't expect anything less from these people lol. I loved it.

We're only halfway through but I'm so obsessed with it that I'm including it lmao. It's SO adorable and pure, offgun are back with the puppy honey vibes in all of their fully evolved glory lol, the writing is excellent imo and it's the perfect balance between silly, cheesy and honest emotions, good communication and the notorious offgun magic lol. Whenever I say I want a good romcom, this is what I mean. I was so annoyed when it was announced as I was convinced it was gonna be a downgrade from Not Me but it's really not. It's just another show where OG can showcase their dynamic in a completely different setting. I love it.

I'm still having mixed feelings about this one due to obvious reasons but looking at it from the outside I have to include it because objectively speaking this was an excellent production. The narrative was intelligent and worked so well, my boy Gawin was shining so much as Pisaeng, I still can't believe he wasn't the first choice because he's literally the perfect fit for this. I loved the symbolism, the blossoming romance and just Pear. that's it. just. Her. she was incredible. G&K had good chemistry, I was struggling with K.'s presence but the show was just so good that it overshadowed the rest. Loved it.

This show got a lot of hate which I sort of understand as it was low budget, cheesy and with heavy lakorn vibes but on god it really hit the spot for me lmao. JaFirst are my runner-up babes lol, I love their dynamic so much and seeing them make their comeback in this with completely reversed roles had me squealing lol Punn was the most adorable cookie, others cringed, I blushed lmao I loved the setup so much and him and Achi were everything. period.

Another show that's still airing but I'm really liking it so I'm including it as well lol. It's surprisingly well written and Pavel is doing fantastic in his comeback, I had lowkey written him off after the disaster that was Coffee Melody but he's back stronger than ever. Love that for him. The rest of the cast is very solid too, a lot of familiar faces who all stepped up their acting game since I last saw them with a special shoutout to Thanapon who is doing amazing. The story is super interesting and goes so far beyond just the racing stuff which was my apprehension when starting it. And even the omegaverse stuff is not as bad as I thought (so far.. don't wanna jinx it lmao). It's overall doing very well. Love it.

This one also got a lot of backlash lol but I loved it!! JoongDunk are my second FirstKhao lmao they're very dear to me, their on-screen dynamic is good actor carries weak actor and I'm aware of that lmao but to me they just work so well. Idk what it is. Even though Dunk's acting leaves room for improvement, they have a ton of chemistry and they're mastering the secret crush plot. This was fun and light, not too serious and I found it very enjoyable. the only thing that irritated me was the butchering of AouBoom like what in the world was that. Tee probably added them because he had to and disregarded them in the process but their story was abysmal. But putting that aside, it was a very nice show.

This was very brief for Mame standards lol and I was considering dropping it after episode 2 but then it surprisingly picked up, I started to really get into the story and SunnyPak worked very well for me. I was surprised that they just disappeared afterwards as I was expecting MMY to milk them like the rest of their couples but oh well. Mame made her GL debut in this which I appreciated but I wish they had casted someone else as Marine because sorry sweetie but she was terrible lmao rip. Yiwa was a very sweet and likable character and she deserved a better partner. That plus the special episode being stupid as hell, It's getting raking #9 lol.

This whole season was... a very wild rollercoaster ride lmao. I would say it was a 50/50 for me, half of the episodes were fun and the other half were horrendous lol. My personal highlight were The Eclipse episodes, they were pure fluff and adorableness, paired with some minor dumb fights but overall this was exactly what I was craving after the ordeal AkkAye went through in The Eclipse lmao but also I could easily sit through 10 episodes of Akk and Aye just being cute and cuddly and doing absolutely nothing else because duh. They're my comfort couple 🥺 I also quite enjoyed the ATOTSxBBS crossover and also surprisingly the ABAAB and NLMG episodes were a lot of fun!

thank you 2023 for - once again - giving us good gay food lmao. here's to an even better 2024 🧡

[lethal-amigos]

Summer Heat- Conversation

Story by @my-gunpowder Art by me

On this day, the sun was especially cruel, attacking people with its burning rays and burning their bodies. By lunchtime, all the villagers were hiding in their homes: eating, playing with children, doing household chores or just sleeping. Only two men were sitting on the farm and quietly discussing something. "This seed should be buried like this and to a depth of 5 centimeters" "Okay, I get it!" "It's not necessary to do this now, you can start in the evening or tomorrow" "It's okay, I can start right now" "Jose, it's dangerous to be under the sun now" "I'm not scared, I have a hat!", the guy smiled and patted the hat behind his back. Senor Velasco grinned, looking at the guy with great tenderness. He loved the hard work in this boy, he got it from his late father. When Julio invited Jose to work at their farm, he did not expect that the boy would come here so often. He and Chepe became friends again, it could not but rejoice. But the farmer was surprised by their friendship and warm relations. Two completely different people, with a different outlook on life, different interests. And, nevertheless, they are friends and constantly go somewhere together. Even too often, which is why Jose often postpones his work for later. The senor hoped that Jose would have a good influence on his son, and not submit to his devilish nature. "Yes, you and Chepe are completely different," the man laughed, looking down at the ground. "If only I had a son like you, Jose.." "Don't say that" Guzman's serious tone was too unexpected, and the farmer looked up in surprise. The guy looked at him sternly, slightly furrowing his eyebrows."Chepe is no worse than me"

"Oh, no, there's not even anything to talk about. It is impossible to compare you," the senor continued to smile. He ran his hand over the ground and buried the seed. "Chepe is a slacker, and always has been. He treats work irresponsibly, often throws it or does it crookedly. Just to get away for another walk as soon as possible"

"Again, you're wrong," Jose continued. "He's a very smart guy. Every day I learn something new from him. It's true! He helps me in many ways and knows much more about the farming than I do. And the fact that he often runs away..." Jose felt his head light up. It is not clear whether it was because he was angry at the Senor, or because the sun mercilessly beat his rays. Anyway, he decided to pull his straw hat over his head to avoid unnecessary headache problems. The guy felt like he was starting to boil. There was no toothpick in his mouth to squeeze it and calm down, so he had to distract himself in other ways. He did not want to quarrel with his friend's father, such a respected man. But he knew how senor was unjustifiably cruel to Chepe and he was hurt for him. Yes, his friend is not the kindest and nicest guy, but he has many other good traits for which Jose fell in love with him. "Yes, we are really different. He knows what he wants from life. He wants to feel all sides of it, wants to explore the world. You can't even imagine how much his soul is asking for freedom. And the fact that I work all day is just an inability to live. I'm just trying to distract myself, forget some things, that's why I'm working. It's not good or bad, it's just... different. You can't scold a person just because he wants to live differently." Digging a small hole with his finger, the guy threw a seed there and began to bury it with both hands.

"Be more lenient to Chepe. He doesn't need Senor Velasco, he needs his father." On the last sentence, the guy squeezed some earth in his fists. He felt his voice tremble and he began to lose control. He was afraid to look up and meet Julio's eyes. So he could only hope that the man understood what he was talking about. Suddenly, the guy felt a heavy hand on his shoulder. "You are a good friend, Jose," the senor replied. "Chepe is very lucky with you"

[theintrovertbean]

you might've just nailed down why I cannot for the life of me feel involved into Nadia's romance. The way she talks about her family and sometimes treats MC is baffling and almost upsetting to me at times. I don't dislike her mind you, I think she's a great character, but when she starts complaining about the audacity of her family worrying about her running off as a small child… I end up liking her in other routes more than her own. Doesn't happen with any other LI. feels bad man

I see your point. She does have a unique and quite unjustified way of talking about her family that I just couldn't understand at first. I expected her siblings to be horrible people, but then Nasmira showed up, and she was possibly one of the nicest characters in the entire game. Made me look at Nadi and think, "Girl, what the hell is your problem? There's no way you are serious."

But, well, Nadia is royalty, the youngest person in her family, and she is definitely spoiled. I think those three things together ensured that baby Nadia had very little contact with children of her age. Most people in her family are much older than her, and she never really got to witness how kids are being treated outside of Prakran palaces. My point is that everyone else got treated like an adult while Nadia was babied. Only Nadia. I think she felt excluded and outlandish, like she didn't belong, not even in her family, which is not nice. Every child wants to be normal, and Nadia was the only person getting the baby treatment. She was already feeling very lonely, but that made her think she was completely alone in the world. We do know that Nadia has always yearned for companionship, and this is something that made her dream feel even farther away.

She really needs someone to bring a 9-year-old child to her and ask her if it's really okay for that tiny little thing to wander off alone in a forest. I bet that hesitantly, but Nadia would say no 😂 That is why dating an MC with younger siblings would do her good. She would finally understand the struggles of being an older sibling.

As for MC. Again, Nadia is a princess from a great nation, and whether we like it or not, even if she treats them like an equal, in theory, the canon MC is always going to be beneath her (not a bad thing if someone is into that wink wonk.) Initially, this shows in Nadia's attitude too, but I think she learns that titles aside, she and MC are both just people and nothing else in the world matters. She also realizes that despite their different titles and finances, she could learn so much from MC about being a person. That's it, just a person. Sure, countesses and princesses are people too, but their lives are so much different from a commoner's.

Nadia lives in an untouchable world where even the slightest bit of physical affection seems like the biggest crime. Would the maids dare to put a reassuring hand on the Countess' shoulder or, gayness forbid, give her a hug? Hell no, because they are fucking terrified of her and the consequences of forgetting their place. Would Nadia actually like someone to put a hand on her shoulder or give her a hug? Hell yes, but she, too, is bound to these kinds of rules and probably wouldn't even think about letting a staff member embrace her.

I'm not sure if it's still in the game, but I remember MC thinking something like they always accidentally touch with Asra because the shop is so small. MC notices that Nadia can't have it and that it makes her feel alone, but she also deserves to have physical affection in her life (this was right before their first kiss.) And this is what MC taught Nadia: that these shitty rules can get fucked, and it is okay to let (nice) people in.

I don't think she ever really looked down on MC (she pitied them at most), but she is pretty much used to bossing people around. I can understand that this was unusual for her and needed some time to adjust. Treating people like her equals is another lesson she had to learn, but I think she did succeed with that. We're gonna ignore the reversed ending because Nadia is undoubtedly superior to MC in that one.

However, in the upright ending, we have a cute, sweet, loving person looking at us like we are the most precious thing in the world, and she would do anything for us. Upright Nadia gives zero fucks about titles, riches, upbringings, or anything because she does not need any of those to love MC. At the same time, she can be herself. She no longer has to hide behind the Princess/Countess mask, she can let her walls down, just be Nadia, and love MC like there's no tomorrow.

The outer layers of her character get stripped down to reveal the kind of person that she is and she can be. She was very, very far from perfect. She was not necessarily bad at first either, but her past is questionable af. However, inside those layers, there's a woman who has been starving for love and companionship her entire life. Did she cause that starvation to herself? That's very possible. She certainly didn't make it easier for herself and the people around her. But MC must stand with Nadia at her lowest (which is the beginning of her route) to see the best version of herself she can be.

And did Nadia learn from her mistakes? Yes, she did. That is unquestionable. She did waste half of her life, but maybe that was the path she needed to take in order to open her eyes (literally.)

In the end, Nadia is a wonderful person and an amazing lover who has managed to leave the past behind for the better. Upright Nadia is baby. She went through a lot of character growth, and that's very beautiful. In the beginning, she is Countess, but in the end, she is just Nadia.

Good job, Nadi. We are proud of you.

[hirmienworld]

LET'S WATCH ONLY FRIENDS EPISODE 11

4/4

OH PLEASE THIS SUCKS.

Cheum and Atom are unjustifiable. Their entire plot is devoid of sense and morality. In the end they are the only two who really don't deserve to have others as friends. I might vomit.

Top and Mew, my loves. I honestly think living together is a great idea, at least in their type of relationship, where Mew has this constant need to be cuddled and taken into consideration, spending more time together is wise. Besides, you don't really know what a person is like until you live with them.

However, beyond a lack of unequivocal attestation from Sand that Ray is his boyfriend, I can understand everything else about the situation with Boeing EXCEPT the fact that he is sending Ray away.

In a normal situation, with a clear conscience, the right thing to say would be: "There's nothing we can't talk about in front of my boyfriend."

Again, now that Sand and Boeing are talking about concerts, what's the point in avoiding saying that he intends to go but with his boyfriend?

What I understand is that there was a time when Sand was very much in love with Boeing, then Boeing left him and Sand was left heartbroken. So it's certainly difficult to face a proposal like "could we get back together?" but it should be hard for the first 30 seconds, then that's it, because you were literally the one telling Ray that you can't live without him. What the hell kind of inconsistency is this? "I can't live without you, just until the alternative presents itself before my eyes"?

Is this the same Sand who said for 10 episodes that he would never be anyone's second best?

And again.. How, excuse me? "Can I come to your house?" and your problem is that it's not a good idea because you have a roommate? SAND WHAT IS HAPPENING TO YOU.

Ooooh here's Ray! Part of me wants a fight, part of me would leave Sand to his own actions and responsibilities, it's not fair that Ray has to remind him how to behave when you have a boyfriend. And this time the provocation of a threesome wouldn't hold up LOL.

Fuck, what kind of power play is this? The scene in the pool gave me chills. My heart went crazy. I understand Ray perfectly, because even though he still has to completely redeem himself, now that he has understood that he has value and that he can be important to someone, we can be sure that he won't give up easily but neither will he beg Sand to stay with him. We are now beyond this.

"You can't live without me? I can't too and I'm proving it to you every moment, now it's your turn." This is where we are.

[theballadofmars]

WHY GREGORY CAN'T BE PATIENT 46

In the last few months, I've seen lots of theories about patient 46 and what's clear is that no one really know who it is, but a big part of the fandom think that Gregory is a good candidate which... I have some thoughts about it.

Additional note: GGY is probably canon and that means that maybe Gregory IS patient 46, but honestly the only way for this to work its of Gregory is possesed and has no memory of what's going so. So, this theory still applies, because Gregory, as we know him in Security Breach, can't be patient 46.

I thinks there's lots of in game evidence which contradict this conclusion, so here's why:

Patient 46 and Gregory have complete different personalities. Patient 46 doesn't talk a lot, and when they do it or talk about themselves its described as objective, like they're telling things that didn't happen to them. They have fun when they know that the animatronics are acting weird, they don't like to go outside, they don't like the light, and they like masks. Now, you have Gregory: he talks a lot, he's sarcastic and makes jokes, he says "lame" when he got something of mr. hippo, he cleary doesn't like how the animatronics are acting, and he shows lots of emotion during the game, from fear in some moments to sadness when freddy dies at the end.

In addition to this: Gregory spents half of the game using a camara that can blind animatronics because of the flash, but he doesn't have problems with the light, wants to get out of the pizzeria, and he's also worried about the dissapearence that took place in the complex, which doesn't make sense if he was patient 46.

2. "Gregory is violent, and Patient 46 killed the therapist, so that's a link!" -> Actually, no. I think Gregory is a gremlin, but I don't think that his violent acts are unjustified. The kid spent hours inside the pizzeria with robots that are 1) Bigger than him 2) Stronger than him and 3) Are trying to kill him. His acts are more in self - defense that anything. There's a diference between destroying animatronics that are trying to kill you and killing your therapist because she's about to uncover something.

And yes, Gregory also kills Vanny in one of the endings, but again: Vanny was about to kill him.

3. Patient 46 is a hacker, but Gregory isn't. This was one of the things that made me be sure about this theory. Gregory is good with videogames (if the GGY that are in the arcades are him), he knows about animatronics and how things work, but that's the thing: he knows about mechanics, not about programming. He may know some things about technology, but programming is a whole different story. A mechanic or mechanical engineer will know some things about programming for their projects, but usually it has nothing to do with creating a virus or hacking a whole company. They just, can't do that. So, Gregory is a mechanic, Patient 46 a hacker.

In some parts of the game, Gregory has acces to computers, he could have made things easier for him, he could even acces the security protocols or open the doors, but he didn't.

4. Patient 46 is a manipulator, and the game makes you believe that they're the one manipulating Vanessa: they go to the same therapist, they had met Vanny and knows the technics of the pizzaplex. Gregory, on the other hand, is afraid of Vanny, runs away from Vanessa and also he didn't know the identity behind the mask. But Gregory looks surprised in the fire ending, and he also tries to save Vannesa in the Vanny good ending, which wouldn't make sense if he was the hacker:

If he was the one manipulating her, I'm pretty sure he wouldn't do that or hide everytime he sees her. Yes, Gregory lied to Freddy about the stolen parts and about his friends, but I don't think that was he trying to manipulate Freddy, and just a kid having like, the worst night of his fucking life and doesn't want to make his new robot dad and only ally sad or mad at him.

5. Who would bring Gregory to the therapist? Like, that's an important fact. Sure, maybe he could go by himself, but if he is in the United States, doesn't therapist charge like, a lot? How is Gregory going to pay it? Also, he's a kid, the therapist has to talk first with his parents or legal guardian, they can't just accept a random kid. Patient 46 has, or at least had, parents. That's stated by the therapist, but she obviously didn't know them. So, who is bringing patien 46 to therapy? And who's paying for it? Gregory, at least from what you see, doesn't have parents, but also I don't think a 12 year old could afford therapy.

I think that patient 46 had parents, but there was some type of tragedy. Now, he's in someone else custody, and whoever this person is, is the one paying for the therapy. Maybe to control de therapist, to have Vanessa under vigilance, I don't know, but there has to be someone behind it, a kid can't just do that (I'm not from the United States, so if there's someone who has better knowledge about how therapy works there, please tell me if I'm wrong).

Gregory, on the other hand, is more of a mistery. We see that he's homeless, or at least doesn't have a place he wants to go back to.

Things they have in common are:

·They like candy -> Lots of kids do.

·They have a rebel side -> But they show it differently, and Gregory has reasons for the things he do.

·We don't know a lot about their past.

In conclusion, for Gregory and Patient 46 to be the same person we have to assume that Gregory had been lying and pretending during the events of all Security Breach, even during moments when he didn't have to.

And let me tell you, if he really spents all the game acting, he deserves an Oscar, at least. But other than that, the motivations, personalities and abilities of both characters doesn't match each other.

You could also say that Gregory is a robot and his memory was messed with by someone, but robot Gregory is a theory for another day and I prefer to believe the little evidence the canon gives us instead of creating theories that gives us an explation at the expenses of what we see in the games. Maybe we shouldn't know who patient 46 is for now, or maybe we didn't conect the pieces together, but I'm pretty sure that Gregory isn't the one behind those tapes, and I needed to explain why.

Thank you if you read this theory, and I hope you have a good day!

[mental-mario]

Sibling Rivalry, Favoritism, and Multiplayer

Hey all, it's been an upsetting week for me, not gonna lie. I'm gonna skip the spiel and just get into it, so I'll just say that if you can relate then please Like and Follow and be sure to tip your struggling blogger. Also I'm lonely and need friends, so send me a request on Switch and message me on here as well! My mental issues make it difficult for me to sustain friendships, but I'd love a pen pal or 10k of them!

I'll be opening up more about things as I get more comfortable with this whole self-awareness and vulnerability thing, so subscribe and bear with me, but let's just say for now as a quick background that my mother is a narcissist, my dad is the flying monkey, my brother is the golden boy, and he married a conniving narcissist as well, so as to continue the cycle of abuse to his two kids. I am the damaged scapegoat who is trying to navigate away to healthier dynamics for my spouse and kids. I'm currently no-contact with my brother and his family as well as my mother and any relatives whatsoever. I do meet up with my dad occasionally for pancakes, but it is very much about sticking heads in the sand and pretending like we aren't estranged. I was no-contact with him as well until my wife informed him I was in the psych ward a couple months ago. I'm willing to answer questions as we go...

Anyway, he recently sent me $500 since I finally got up the nerve to put my pride and ego aside and outright ask him for help; something that has been instilled as a big source of shame for me to ever do because my mom especially would verbally berate me about how incompetent I am and how I would die alone and unwanted. Anyways, I digress, you may be asking what I would have to complain about? While I am thankful for any help I can get, let's just say $500 is chump change when it comes to my parents. They have money that I have been long since cut off from but that my brother and his family still very much access unabashedly, at the age of 32. I am 38. Also important to note is that he works a lucrative career where he has been able to make similar or better money as me over the past decade. The difference has been that my wife and I have been smart and careful with our money, while they have spent it recklessly. I always tend to leave out background details inadvertently, so I'm trying to recall as much as I can so as to not sound like unjustified soured grapes.

After years of no contact, our wives started communicating again, and it eventually got to where they decided to move to the south where we had relocated, originally in order to get away from them all. I wasn't thrilled about this, but I didn't want to deny my wife a chance at a friendship. My brother was reluctant to move here too, for reasons that I will get into someday as I work up the nerve to do so. My mom said I should take that said reason to the grave, but I'm not going to do that. They lived in an apartment for 6 months while making excellent money, by most people's standards, but they then exited out of the lease and moved into my parents' house, yet again, rent free, until they could buy a house of their own (or at least, that was how it was phrased to me when I decided to go nc with my parents yet again, due to the emotional pain of yet again seeing him and his family completely chosen over me and mine). They had to get out of their lease because they are assholes and got a bit too brazen with their neighbors. Despite being brazen in the past with neighbors who produced guns in their faces, they still find it rather funny to try and cave their downstairs neighbor's ceiling in by purposely jumping around as hard as they could out of spite. So long story short, another awful neighbor who couldn't take a joke decided to make them feel less than safe for their choices.

With the money and assets they have, there should've been no reason why they couldn't just pivot into another short term lease or something, but my parents ate up the chance to get into that abusive dynamic yet again, telling themselves that they couldn't let their son and his family go homeless (I can't say that without laughing because that is hardly the only other choice in this scenario). Regardless, we have come back into this situation because my parents decided to move those who we are once again no longer in contact with into their own house, essentially choosing a side once again. Of course, the explanation evolved from this being a temporary thing to suddenly they can't afford a down payment on anything because they don't have any money saved, meaning they would be living with them indefinitely. My only satisfaction in this was knowing that my mom's vicious lap dog, who she refuses to rehome because she spent $6k from a breeder, would be biting the shit out of all of them. Despite the dog being a barrier to letting my kids stay over my parents or anything of the sort, you can at least cordon a dog off for someone to visit. Sadly, they refuse to kennel my brother's wife.

Anyways, my spouse has some acquaintances in the real estate industry, since we have bought and sold a number of homes over the years. She got a message from one of them, asking her if she was aware how terribly entitled and obnoxious her in-laws are. Despite having to search numerous banks for a loan due to their awful credit rating, they still have the nerve to act like they are rich and powerful somehow. They were apparently searching originally for a house priced in the $300's but could not get a mortgage unless my parents cosigned and put up their retirement assets as collateral. They refused that, but they did cosign a mortgage for $200k. This after having always told me about how they would never cosign a loan for anyone ever. So basically, my parents bought my fully grown ass brother and his family a house, because when push comes to shove they will definitely stop paying the mortgage payment and could care less if they force my parents into doing so. Of course, I am sitting on this knowledge since before I was gifted $500 by my parents, and my parents won't ever tell me they did this. To answer your question, if you are asking it, I do intend to call my dad out on this, and it may be the last time I ever speak to him, depending on how that conversation goes.

My parents for the longest time would act like they did so evenly for both their kids and their grandkids, but I've called them out on that enough over the years so that they don't even make that claim anymore. From money to time spent to emotional support (if you can call it that), his family got 99.9%, and I'm an ingrate to complain about not getting my 0.1%. To clarify, I could care less except for the impact it all has had on my kids, but I do acknowledge that it's a blessing in disguise that my kids are growing up without that toxic influence so prevalent in their lives. Just makes me sad because if they would cosign a $200k mortgage for me like that, I'd be set for life, but bro's family gets rewarded for their recklessness while mine gets punished for trying to do things "the right way."

I want to shift gears now before I become too bitter, but I will just ask you to comment or message me, do you have experience with being the black sheep? If so, how's it going? Conversely, do you have experience being the golden child and self-aware of it? How has that been like for you??

To channel my inner Cranky Kong: kids these days experience multiplayer gaming far different than we did as young bloods. In my day *groans as he shifts in his recliner* multiplayer meant your friend or sibling played a single player game while you waited and rooted for them to screw up so you could have your turn to play! SMB3 made some progress in this by establishing a cooperative level progression, despite continuing the alternating turns system of play, but it was still waiting impatiently for your turn to play. Other games that did have simultaneous co-op could be frustrating if you had a younger sibling who couldn't hold up to your skill level. Nowadays, you got co-op where players don't get in each other's way, and you even got games that are accessible for players who can't coordinate keeping the acceleration button held down in Mario Kart. I may sound like I'm complaining, but I assure you this is quite the opposite. I might have had better interpersonal relationships growing up if it was more about this level of inclusive play and bonding rather than the confusing cooperative yet competitive setup that led to a rather passive aggressive style of friendships and relationships that I experienced.

A quick update before I wrap this up: I will be going away for a couple of weeks without access to internet, so know that I am okay during this time and will post more when I get back. I would like to ask, has anyone reading this ever called the suicide hotline, and what was that experience like for you? I have not yet called, but I do have them in my contacts (it's 988 in the US for anyone who doesn't know).

The holiday season is filled with controlling propaganda for family, friends, and other such obligations disguised as tradition, so if you are like me and can't conform to society's expectations, just know you aren't alone and that this is a safe spot to share and discuss. You don't have to feel shame and guilt for putting your own health and quality of life first. Trauma sucks, but we all have it. Understand that your own personal experience is valid and that you aren't lesser than anyone else. I hope you are able to find peace and comfort this season in your spirituality because that's far stronger than worrying about the company you keep, possessions you have, or living a lifestyle by others' standards. What's the point in living that way if it just adds to your stress? Family sucks, and that is why I have opted out. If you are considering doing the same but haven't yet, I hope you survive this year. If you are considering breaking free, I'm happy to lend a friendly ear and chat!

[calliethetrekkie]

Star Trek TOS S01E13: The Galileo Seven

Original Thoughts

"Okay, this is an interesting setup. Stranding Spock, McCoy, Scotty, and some extras on a planet with Kirk back on the Enterprise, which means we can let some other characters shine. It’s very much a contrast with Kirk being a serious, respected leader who can adjust his demeanor depending on the situation, which Spock is more logical but comes off as more cold and uncaring which clearly puts off the ones he’s in charge of. IDK how much of that is also Vulcan bigotry, but Spock’s logical approach that may dictate say… leaving people behind to a potential demise and not reacting when people die isn’t going to win him any points from the human cast. McCoy also pointing out how Spock failed to take into account the creatures reacting emotionally due to his focus on a logical approach also shows flaws in his leadership and general mindset that make him a great second to Kirk, but not always quite fit for command. He’s doing his job and I get where he’s coming from, especially due to what I know about Vulcans, but I can get the others as well. It’s a nice exploration of the two mindsets, which that and the general episode really kept my attention."

(Original Post)

Rewatch Thoughts

Not gonna lie, I've been a little anxious reviewing this one. Not because I dislike it, this was a really enjoyable one the first time around. But this is one of those episodes where I go completely against the consensus of the fandom, so I'm a little worried about what the reception may be (if I get any at all, of course). But this is my review and thus my opinion, and I'm going to be honest with it. So, my thoughts?

This is such an excellent episode. We take a bit of a different approach from the last few. Kirk serves more of a supporting role. He's still given things to do, but he's confined to the ship. The focus is mainly on the party on the Galileo shuttlecraft which includes Spock, McCoy, Scotty, and four one-shots. Apparently Rand was going to be one of them, but sadly her actress had been let go by then. This also means that we get to see Spock fully in charge this time. Not just taking over from the Enterprise cause Kirk isn't there. Not just running the Science Department. He's given his very first command on a major mission outside the ship... one that goes horribly wrong.

There's been a lot of opinions about the two sides (Spock vs. the crew), as I already alluded to. A lot of opinions I've seen portray Spock as completely innocent, doing his job as the commanding officer and doing what is necessary to save everyone. The crew, mainly McCoy and one-shot character Boma, are utter assholes to him, and it is unwarranted, and I've even seen it exaggerated into being racist cause of Spock being Vulcan. They should have shut up and just followed Spock's command because he's in charge, and they're being so mean to him.

In case my sarcasm wasn't clear enough, I don't agree with that portrayal. Now let me make it clear, I do understand where those opinions come from. It's true that the crew (again, mainly Boma and McCoy) were jerks at points, and it wasn't always warranted. That should be called out. However, that does not mean that Spock isn't culpable for his own actions nor does it make the crew unjustified in... you know, having their own feelings and thoughts of their own. They're also all in a situation where for all they know, they're going to die at any moment, so tempers are naturally going to fly. There's a lot to be said and a lot to consider, so let's get on with it.

Let's go into Spock's POV first. He has been put in command of what looks to be a simple scientific exploration mission that causes the shuttle to crash onto an unknown planet Now Spock has to get the ship working, keep as many of the officers alive as possible, and get back to the Enterprise. That's certainly a lot, but Spock doesn't show concern. Yeah, yeah, Vulcan, I know. But even when McCoy brings up how this is his big chance, Spock is convinced that his logical approach will pull them through at the end of the day. To quote:

SPOCK: I realize command does have its fascinations, even under circumstances such as these. But I neither enjoy the idea of command, nor am I frightened of it. It simply exists. And I will do whatever logically needs to be done.

He doesn't necessarily want his own command, but he's more than willing to take it on. He'll do whatever he logically must do.

Indeed, that's what happens. Every choice that Spock makes is a logical one. He considers abandoning crewmen to lighten the shuttle to increase the chance of escape. He shows little to no regard for the two officers who get killed. He is downright insistent on his methods and priorities, even if it goes against his own logical approach. We see him unwilling to listen to the other officers opinions about dealing with the creatures because he wants to avoid killing the unknown lifeforms for his own moral reasons (unless Jim's about to be killed, but eh) despite agreeing that their plan is the logical option.

Now, all of these decisions make sense, and I even agree with him at points. For example, I'm on his side both times when Boma insists on burials for the men who died. I get where Boma is coming from, especially since they don't know if they'll themselves make it. But Spock is doing what he can to ensure that they can at least have a chance of escape. Yes, he is pretty cold about it, but sadly those men have been lost. If they survive, they can be mourned later, but they to focus on survival. It sucks, but I am fully on Spock's side on that one. Even McCoy and Scotty get after Boma when he started getting particularly nasty. I also agree with him that they shouldn't kill the creatures, though more because if they had, it could have caused an even more violent response, though there's nothing saying that they had to kill either. I think only the one guy insisted on killing, but maybe I'm remembering wrong. Ah well.

So yes, Spock is doing his job and I don't think he's trying to be intentionally cruel. It's how he is, and he's legit acting as he believes is best. That being said, he's still at fault for plenty of things. He stubbornly sticks to his logical mindset, which to his crew makes him come off as incredibly cold. Yes, Spock is Vulcan, but unfortunately for him the other six are human and humans can't just set aside feelings like he himself can. When you hear your commanding officer talking about abandoning crewmen and them getting to be the one who decides who gets to stay and go, disregarding the dead, and unwilling to listen to you, how would you feel? Especially in a situation where you're likely going to die? Some may say they wouldn't act like that... but you probably would. Oh, and let's not forget said guy being perfectly willing to go against that logic when he sees fit such as when dealing with the unknowns despite insisting on it over and over, making him also look like a hypocrite. I'm just saying, Spock didn't make himself look all that great as a leader.

Let's compare with Kirk, for example. Kirk is a captain who has his men's faith and respect. He's not perfect, he can get temperamental and can push the crew too hard. But he's still someone who always pulls through, always corrects things when he messes up, and puts the safety of his men first and foremost. Even in this episode where he's confined to the ship and being pressured in abandoning the search, he continues down to the very last nanosecond in hopes of finding the shuttle. He reluctantly begins to withdrawal when his time is up, showing that yes, he will still put his duty above all else. But he also wasn't going to just abandon his men without giving it a fighting chance, even arguing against the Commissioner demanding that he give it up. We've seen Kirk struggle to maintain an image as a strong captain for his people to look towards and keep their spirits up, not bring them down. He will always do what he can for his crew and correct his mistakes, as we've seen in various episodes (The Corbomite Maneuver, The Enemy Within, The Man Trap, Balance of Terror, etc.). It's why Kirk is such a good leader. He is perfectly capable of being logical and tactical, but also shows care and consideration for those who follow him, and thus they trust him in turn.

Spock doesn't have that ability yet. He is focused on his logic, which is all well and good in certain situations. It works great when he's acting as Kirk's Second and reminding him of what, as a Captain, he must focus on. But he also had to be able to consider the people around him and their feelings and thoughts as well. He has to be able to have his men's trust and trust them in return. Sure, maybe that approach would work on a Vulcan ship, but that's not what this is. Spock is perfectly capable of understanding emotions if he wanted to, but he won't. He's a perfectly good Science and First Officer, there's no doubt about that. But this shows us why he isn't fit for command yet. He's unable to have that understanding or be willing to step away from his own mindset. He thought that his logic of scaring away the creatures would work, but he didn't at all consider that they would react with fear/emotionally, as McCoy bluntly points out. He'll get there one day, as we saw at the end where he took the risk with the fuel to signal the Enterprise. A risk that worked. But until he is able to learn that he can't rely on logic all the time, or at least adjust his demeanor to not be so cold-hearted, he won't be fit for a command like this again.

Alright now the rest of the cast. The one that gets the most blowback for the episode is McCoy. Boma does as well, but he's a one-shot that we never see again, and he's properly framed as in the wrong. Scotty was more focused on the shuttle than having any arguments and aside from one of the yellow shirts, the other crewmen don't give Spock much issue. They may get a little testy but again under the circumstances I think that we can forgive that. But McCoy is the one most willing to talk back and speak his mind, and with how they argue later on, I can see why some use this as a basis for 'McCoy hates Spock/McCoy is an asshole' opinions.

I don't want to talk about this too much because I am planning a whole Spock/McCoy analysis for later, and this episode is very much one I want to use in detail for that. But I think that for the most part... McCoy wasn't that bad? Yes, he does get heated a few times, and yes, he gets on Spock's case about being wrong about the creatures. But to be fair, it was after Spock's insistence got a second man killed. And regardless, McCoy actually does follow Spock's command the whole time. He's speaking his mind, which he also does with Jim (The Corbomite Manuever's a good example), but at the end of the day he still stands by Spock.

Really, McCoy came across more as disappointed in Spock than anything to me. He knew that Spock is a logical being. He himself pointed it out to him. But I think he expected better from Spock, especially now that he had his chance. He even tried to tell Spock that it's going to take more than logic to get out of the mess they're in, but to no avail. Right after that is when Spock discusses potentially abandoning people and just seems... sad. Not mad like you'd expect. Not disgusted as Boma is. He comes off as sad if the comment about his heart is anything to go off on. He gets annoyed when Spock tries to push memorializing one of the dead men onto him, despite that being a job for the commanding officer. Even when McCoy points out that attacking first is a logical option, he's ignored. McCoy was at least trying to be cooperative and maybe even help Spock like he would Jim, but it clearly wasn't wanted nor accepted. Given all that, I don't think it's hard to see why McCoy eventually snaps at him. I'm not saying it's right, the 'attack them directly' approach may have done no better. But I can see where he's coming from.

But even after all that, when Spock gets pinned by a boulder, what does McCoy do? Rush right on over to help him. Yeah, Boma ran over too, which he was even more pissed at Spock than McCoy was and still helped save him. But he was following McCoy's lead, and of course McCoy wasn't going to abandon Spock. IDK if I can say that they're friends yet, but they're still crewmates, and they have something going on between them at least. McCoy wasn't going to leave him to die, or anyone if he could help it. And when Spock made the more emotional decision? McCoy was actually proud of him. He saw that Spock could do it. Sure Spock tried denying it when McCoy blabbed about it to Jim, but the look of pure joy on his face... he truly is fond of him, whether he wants to admit it or not. There's so much with these two and their relationship, and this just adds more to it. So yes this provokes a rough patch, but it doesn't cause McCoy to hate Spock either. That's never going to happen.

If you want a better version of what I'm getting at, there's a really good meta here that I highly recommend. It says everything about Spock and McCoy in this episode and how it affects them going forward really well. But let's go ahead and wrap this up.

I guess my ultimate point here is yes, Spock was doing what he thought was right, and yes, certain crewmen were jerks. But Spock also gave little to no reason for them to want to listen to him with how pragmatic, cold, and even kind of bossy he was with them. To them, he lacked any kind of respect for them and came off more as demeaning with a superiority attitude to boot. To Spock, they were being overemotional, and he was acting as a proper commander in the most logical way that he knew how. I don't know how well I'm explaining this, I'm sure that others have done a much better job than me. But to me, there is a lack of understanding and arguably a culture clash. Everyone has a lot to learn from this. Everyone made bad choices and need to focus on improvement. The crew with understanding Spock's logic and why he acts in such a manner, and Spock to realize how he is perceived and why that's detrimental for everyone, including himself.

So with all of that said, this episode was great! It gave me so much to talk and think about. There's so many great character moments, and it's such a nice change of pace from what we've had so far. This was one I'd already liked the first time round, and I think that I enjoyed it even more this time, especially since I know and understand these characters so much more. Very much one that I will gladly watch again... and in fact I might right now XD

Original Rating: 4/5 Rewatch Rating: 9/10

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