#and I'm hurting

[sweetness-doesnt-touch-my-face]

To this day, I still don't think people realize that addiction is a life-long disease. It never goes away. It doesn't matter if you've been clean for five years or even ten, twenty years, etc. Relapses happen more frequently than you think. The amount of shame we carry with each one only adds to the self-loathing, the helplessness of never escaping such a path of destruction. You can so easily slip and fall back into those patterns. It's frightening. And yes, it's our fault. But there's so many contributing factors. And it's not an excuse. If you're not properly equipped to deal with your emotions/life, you're fucked. You will travel through so many unhealthy avenues of being. We're not all fortunate to have mental health care. Sometimes it costs more than the drugs itself.

The reason I'm bringing this up, I'm struggling.

I've been sober from opiates since 2018.

Have I had mini relapses here and there, yep. But sometimes I'll pop other pills like they're candy. Sometimes my brain convinces me that I miss drugs, as if there are no consequences from being doped up. Being unconscious feels wonderful. Especially when life isn't so wonderful.

There's a quote echoing in my head, mostly as I continue to think about him, Matthew Perry once said "reality is an acquired taste."

I cannot sum it up any better than that. I wish I could hug another fellow recovering addict. It is so lonely and isolating to go through this alone and have literally no one around me that understands. I wish I wasn't so embarrassed to even share such thoughts on a public forum.

[inkskinned]

she's singing in another room and my dog is asleep at my feet. my grandma asked me why i haven't found a man yet and i laughed. oh, you know. i like my house clean.

my girlfriend is also my man is also "my partner" if i'm in a professional setting. yesterday we went to a ren faire and a man mimed at me - you're together? and at my delighted nod, his baffled, you're gay? made me laugh. a woman with rainbow hair said i love the two of you together. you're both so beautiful it's absurd.

my dad introduced my partner as my "..... friend. or whatever" the other day. he knows we're dating. in the same way, i was never able to get my sister's husband to stop saying that's gay like it's 2008. he still uses the word fa***t, and my sister's defense of him has always been well, he's just kidding.

my lover and i dance to old music in a tiny kitchen. we judge new music together and take food critique very seriously. we watch love is blind before we fall asleep and agree that if they had a queer season, it would be bloody but also make for excellent tv. of fucking course queer people would know someone for only 2 weeks and agree to get married. what are you saying.

at a bar with friends, a man puts his hand on my wrist. got a boyfriend? and yes, i do have a boyfriend, she's amazing. i am texting her while i wander around a gas station named after geese. i am visiting a swing state for a wedding. in the candy aisle i overhear: she's actually like a lesbian it's disgusting. two teenage girls with packaged sandwiches in their hands, giggling. no literally, like. i'm not, like. okay with her being there while we're all, like, naked and changing.

my girlfriend and i tailgate, drink gin and cider out of cups. from the frat group beside us, a man corrects himself with one of his friends: bro, i mean, nonbinary entity, and it makes everyone around him laugh, myself included. he razzes his friend the same way i would have killed for at 19 years old - like nothing happened, he continues: you apply sunscreen like an alien. he does a little sassy (and fairly accurate) dance interpretation of the motion. his friend is laughing so hard they're crying.

i am lucky, i live in a safe neighborhood in a safe state. my masc passenger princess comes up from DC. i drive her for an hour to where all the leaves are a violent arrangement of color. we walk along the trails, letting autumn into our blood. in this part of the state, there's a lot of pickup trucks and trump signs. when we chastely kiss before getting into the car, i accidentally make eye contact with a woman holding her child's wrist. she looks disgusted. she looks fucking pissed.

two hours later my girl and i are eating dinner on a patio, soaking in the last warmth of new england sun before the chill of winter sets in. we are giggling and trying to talk through plastic vampire teeth. at another table, i see a young woman sit up straighter. i watch her watch us. she blushes and takes her partner's hand from across the table. shy, like the taste of evening has just become something deeper.

it's worth it for this moment, i think. my lover is still humming the same song she's been singing for four days straight and i don't want to kill her for it. her guitar is beside my bed. her toothbrush is in my bathroom. in a few moments i will make us lunch. we are lucky enough to have found each other. it is lucky enough to be in love.

[midnight-coffee94]

No single line has ever wrecked me as hard as this one from the Good Place and I think about it constantly

[lotus-pear]

do you finally see me?

[druid-for-hire]

[images ID: three images of a comic titled "one must imagine sisyphus happy" by druid-for-hire. it is a visual narrative beginning with someone with wrist pain (depicted by bright orange nerves) working at a drafting table. the reader is shown the same wrist as the person uses it for many everyday tasks such as carrying a grocery basket, pushing elevator buttons, typing, and doing dishes, until the pain dissolves all the panels into chaos. the person then performs several physical therapy exercises until the pain subsides. they sit back down at a desk with their laptop, sigh, and begin typing. a small spark of pain reappears. end id]

a fun little piece i made during the semester and submitted into our school comic anthology! (which you can buy at the Static Fish table at MoCCAFest in NYC ;] ). it's about artists and injury

[acetier]

i'm So Normal about him

((close ups under cut bc idk he's pretty asdsfksdf))

[cobrajuincy]

I hear the piteous rworwl and I turn and I See Him

and now I must spread his image for others to see lest he fucking GET me

[lazylittledragon]

they're late for school (again)

[kensatou]

you think YOU had a bad day at work?

bonus: sid shrieking "no!!!! NO!!!!!" loud enough to be heard in the stands and on camera

[grey-viridian]

Based on hollow mind by @crows-murder

Thanks for the inspiration and a lot of pain)

Here is a version without a shield (it doesn't make sense but I just like it. You can see the fear in Leo's eyes much clearer>:3)

Aaand the original sketch (which I also like so I'm showing it to you)

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Council of lovefools.

[First] Prev <–-> Next

[nipuni]

Some sketches of Ellie taking care of Alec 🤭

[worthless-misery]

Dear diary...

The fact that I'm still "alive" in 2024 just feels like a huge mistake...

[sophsun1]

9-1-1 – 8.06: Confessions

[gaypeople]

There was a light in his eyes. A light I'd not seen for years. INTERVIEW WITH THE VAMPIRE 2.07 | I Could Not Prevent It

[spaciebabie]

2 ibuprofen and dick from that old man would fix me