#and I'd want money for vacations and buying a house

[inkskinned]

100,000 dollars is not a lot of money.

it is also a lot more money than i will ever have. my student loans make up half of that - they're coming back, i'm told, like we all bounced back recently. the other day while paying for gas to go to work, i overdrew my account without knowing it.

i sat in the car and looked at the charge and tried to do the math. where the fuck is the money even going? i don't live extravagantly. i live in a hole in the ground, in an apartment the size of a sneeze; covered in ants. yes, i wanted to live close to a population center. maybe that's my fault. i've downloaded the apps and i've spoken to the experts and i've cut back on excess. i can't help the pharmacy bills or the medical debt.

i have a good, well-paying job. when i googled it to see if i was getting a fair salary, i found out i'd be making "upper middle class" money. which doesn't make sense - is "upper middle class" now just "able to afford a one-bedroom without a roommate". when i was younger, upper-middle meant a nice big house and a backyard and vacations and not flinching about eating at a resturant.

i was talking to my friend who is a realtor. he said 100,000 dollars is extremely cheap for housing. he's not wrong. 100,000 dollars would change my life. 100,000 dollars also won't really buy you anything. it could get you out of debt, potentially, if you were lucky and had a certain amount of scholarships to tack onto your degree. you could pay off the car and then have enough left over for "spending" money. how fucking amazing. one vacation, maybe two if you're thrifty. and then - like magic - the money would evaporate into nothing. people would sigh and tell you see, you should have put it into savings! like "upper middle class" people can't afford to value "actually living" over squirrelling wealth. you should spend your life only in scarcity. like that is what made the rich people all their real "actually a lot of money".

100,000 dollars would literally set me free. it also would just set me back to "earning normally" instead of paying down debt into infinity. god, do you know how many of us just want that? that our first thought is we could stop scrambling and just be free of debt if we won the lottery? that we don't even necessarily need to stop working - we just wouldn't have to worry about failing or falling?

and. at the same time. 100,000 dollars is next to fucking nothing.

[astrobydalia]

Astro knowledge

A short more educational post for y'all!

work by astrobydalia

Pisces/Neptune rules marketing while Gemini/Mercury is more about sales. They’re both deeply related but difference is Gemini is the salesman that appeals to your reason and resorts to mind games (Mercury) in a one-on-one to convince you why you should buy into something. Marketing on the other hand is ruled by Pisces because it appeals to the collective unconscious (Neptune). It’s all about crafting subliminal messages that make you see that product/idea as more appealing even when you know what you're seeing is not realistic. Very related to propaganda as well. This is also a field that requires a lot of creativity, they're constantly using metaphors, hyperboles or even making up little fictional stories to sell a product...

I've already said this but for anyone new, the planet that rules real love is moon not Venus. See the full explanation here

Where Sagittarius is in your chart will bring luck and happiness, but Taurus does give off expansive (or dare I say expensive) energy too. Where Taurus sits in your chart is an area of your life that will be more grandiose in nature cause Taurus rules over indulgence and pleasure. You could experience some sort of privilege when it comes to this house, the themes of this house come to you in abundance with little to no effort. Some examples:

Taurus 1st house: have a striking and bold appearance, gives off luxury and attractive vibes regardless of their looks. These people could come across as a "high value woman/man" without trying

Taurus 7th house: very active and abundant love life, lots of suitors and business partners landing on your lab, they want to provide for you and/or give you lucrative opportunities

Taurus 9th house: having access to high quality education or elevated knowledge. Probably attended a very exclusive or expensive collage, payed vacations vibes, easy and frequent relocations

Taurus 10th house: almost untouchable reputation, very respected and liked by others, is always seen as innocent or harmless, lots of success with their ventures

The 2nd house also talks about your roots and upbringing but in a more objective and material sense. This house and the position of its ruler can be very telling of how your actual social and economic context shaped your basic values. It can also talk about your house as the 2nd house rules over real state, lands, properties, etc. The 4th house is more about your home, how you were raised within that reality and how it impacted you emotionally at your core

Example: Libra risings could come from an environment that shaped their values around survival and money gains due to Scorpio 2nd house (I've seen very commonly they come from marginalized groups or humble beginnings or very financially competitive environments). So they have a family that is very demanding and expected them to work or be a boss from a young age (Capricorn 4th house)

Speaking of, 2nd house does not ONLY rule money!!! It rules RESOURCES and anything that you own that is highly valuable and you can put a price on!!!! And yes of course since these things are valuable they can be easily monetized, traded, used to make you money. This can be your skills, assets, real state, etc. The 2nd house is your piggy bank basically

There's a lot of talk about how 11th house is how you make money in your career while 2nd house is how you spend it. Well this is technically true but I'd like to add more explanation to this. In derivative astrology 11th house is 2nd (money) from the 10th (career) so it does show how you actually make money from your career. 2nd house is where you get money but 11th house is how you make money. Your 11th house is the multiplier (credits to @cosmicpuzzle for that fact) while 2nd house is where your financial stability lies on. In other words 11th house is indicative of how you generate more but 2nd house is all about what you already have, its about what you can make with what you OWN already, it deals with money that is already available through your resources' value (again, you piggy bank). This does 'make' you money in a way like if you lose your job and are lacking money your 2nd house where you turn to for example if you own a house you can rent it, you can buy a rare item that costs a lot, selling your art or any other natural skill, etc. The concept of value is important in this house bc it can increase or decrease (while 11th house increases and multiplies). The more valuable your resources are the more potential money you have available which means more financial stability and wealth. Anyways hope all that makes sense

We often refer to water signs when talking spirituality but truth is fire signs are very spiritual in nature as well. Fire symbolizes the spark of life itself, nothing could exist or be created without it. Aries deals with the basic ontological conception of 'I am, I exist', Leo is about how the self manifests and create itself and Sagittarius is about the purpose of the self. Living beings need heat to thrive/live and just like fire radiates heat your spirit radiates energy, creativity, passion, action, inspiration, purpose... and that's what fire signs represent. I'd say fire represents the fundamentality of spirit while water is more about the complexity of inner world.

Just like Aries is the "natural" ASC for a birth chart, Libra is the natural ASC for a composite chart cause a birth chart represents the chart of an individual (Aries) while composite represents the mutual relationship between two people (Libra)

When you develop the themes of a certain house in a healthy manner, you naturally start attracting the themes of the opposite house. This goes to show you that things in astrology aren't as compartmentalized as they seem, everything works together in certain way SPECIALLY axis'. Examples:

You need to focus on yourself first (1st house) to find the right partner (7th house)

You need to investigate and learn (3rd house) in order to find higher answers (9th house)

When you invest successfully (8th house) you earn more available resources (2nd house).

When you develop your hobbies and individuality (5th house) you find keen people (11th house)

When you heal spiritually (12th house) you find healthier habits (6th house)

There's this misconception that you have to disregard your South Node in order to develop you NN, but the thing is the SN is the starting point that can lead you towards developing your NN. This can happen as a harsh and painful lesson tho if you liger too much on your SN. For example NN in Libra need to learn to compromise in this life, there's a lot of focus on the self and independence, but eventually this placement teaches them that if you really wanna develop yourself in full potential (Aries) eventually you'll need others (Libra). If they linger too much on Aries SN they could experience a harsh lesson that forces them to count on others

work by astrobydalia

[ladybelladonna76]

Voila, Dakota's Misty Summer, Part II

"So Vicki what do you think?", Misty twirled showing off yet another outfit, one of many she tried since commandeering the young lady now languishing in post orgasmic bliss in the changing room

"You look amazing", Vicki was still in the grips of post orgasm daze, she thought Misty looked gorgeous in everything, "everything about you is amazing Misty", she looked her in awe.

Misty vainly another snapped a selfie in the mirror, she loved how she looked now "Fuck, my ass looks incredible in these pants, I'll take them," she waved her arms, "Fuck it, I'll take everything you brought me, you have a great eye V", Vicki beamed goofily at the praise from this goddess.

Even with Vicki's employee discount Dakota's credit cards were going to scream but she'd lived a frugal life up to this point. She had spent the past four years saving up a lot of money to buy a house, but Misty really needed these clothes more. This was just a necessary reallocation of resources, a pivot Misty thought. Anyways Misty had a plan formulating in her mind that would take care of all her needs. She just had to put that plan into action. She pressed the send button on her phone and sent a text.

Dakota opened the changing room door and saw the two waiting peons sat gossiping.

"Stop messing about and get my bags packed up I want to pay", she turned and winked at Vicki, "hurry up, I don't have all day to wait for your incompetence, I'm tired and need to rest", she looked back at Vicki, "thank you for everything V, I have never had my needs met like this in any shop, you're the perfect sales woman," she kissed V gently

"I'll be sure to ask for you next time I need assistance here, I'll take these two bags now, send the rest along there's my address and phone number", she winked seductively.

"Anything for you Misty", Vicki would do anything to ensure Misty's satisfaction.

In the taxi Misty called Viola's she needed to dicuss some matters with Raven. After a long and fruitful phone conversation Misty arranged a regular follow up appointment when she felt her phone vibrate, looking at the incoming notification a smile crept over her face. "I'll see you soon Raven but I've got to go, something just came up up that I've got to take care of", she hung up and looked at the text that she'd just recieved, Mr Taylor had taken her bait, now to reel him in.

"I'm sorry but my son has graduated, I don't understand why you'd need a Parent Teacher conference now"

Smiling she replied quickly.

"We're sorry about the unusual nature of this request but I'm afraid this is a delicate matter, we don't want to get the authorities involved and create a scandal Mr Taylor", she knew reputation was very important to men like him.

"I'm a busy man, this is a huge inconvenience"

"I'd be happy to come to you"

"Well I'm leaving on a trip tomorrow and have a free evening, can you make it to my house by 5"

"That would be perfect, I'd love to dicuss this with you and Mrs Taylor, would Jack be there?"

"It's just me, my wife and Jack are away on vacation", Raven had told her Mrs Taylor had gone on a summer long trip with her son.

"That's a shame, but I am happy to talk to you one on one about this matter"

"Fine", he agreed begrudgingly.

Misty had time to go home and get ready before her rendezvous.

As her car dropped her off at the Taylor's area, Misty looked up at the imposing luxurious building in front of her.

"Nice place Jack, this isn't a home, it's a 5 star hotel, Daddy has done well for himself"

She checked her makeup and straightened up her outfit.

"Okay Misty, it's go time"

Walking up to the building the sound of heels on the pavement were like a hypnotic drum beat, she could understood why Jack didn't care at school, he knew he had all this to back him up. There was no jeopardy in his life, if he ever failed, if he ever faltered, Daddy would always be there to provide for and protect him.

She wanted to see inside his privileged world, to get a taste of this level of decadence.

Guest services let her in without question, her aura and poise said she belonged here, Dakota would have never got past this point she would have had to wait to be accompanied, Misty swept past without barely pausing. Misty he was pleased to discover that the Taylor was the Penthouse, an avaricious smile appeared on her face as she stepped into into the elegant elevator.

'Oh to live like the 1%'

The elevator arrived at the Taylor's residence floor, the ding sent a shiver of anticipation up her spine as an assured smile spread across her face, the doors opened

Standing in front of her was Jack's dad. Misty paused sizing up Mr Taylor, she could see where Jack got his good looks, despite being in his early 50's, just old enough to be her own father. Mr Taylor's body showed few signs of aging. He was a man who obviously took care of himself, money was no object to him. He wore an obviously expensive designer suit that accentuated rather than hid his toned well exercised body. Misty felt a warmth spread through her she felt her pussy grow wetter.

"Okay Ms....", Mr Taylor looked up and stopped midsentence, "..Ms Harding?". Mr Taylor had very little input on Jack's schooling, his schedule and wealth allowed him to outsource his son's upbringing to nanny's, his absentee wife, and the education system, but he did recall Jack's teacher being a dumpy plain woman he met once at orientation, back when he was more hands on.

"Not quite Mr Taylor, I'm afraid Ms Harding retired, I'm her replacement", Misty smiled

"Retired, she barely looked 30", he squinted

"That's why I'm here", inwardly Misty reveled in this game, "Jack was responsible for her early retirement"

"Look Jack is just a boy", instantly Mr Taylor went on the defensive, "if she can't handle teaching and gets scared away by the students, that's hardly my or Jack's fault", he sense a shakedown and there was no way he was going to allow it to happen, he negotiated Billion Dollar mergers before breakfast, "if she wasn't emotionally strong enough to cope with teaching I think Jack did her a favor"

"Oh he definitely did her a favor", Misty closed the distance until she was looking up into Mr Taylor's eyes, "he helped her see the world in a different light"

"What are you taking about?"

"He gave her a voucher for Voila", a smile crept on to Misty's face

Mr Taylor's jaw slackened as the realization of what his son had done hit him, "I only told him about Voila so he could send one of those girls he sleeps with, maybe get more of a serious relationship, I never thought he'd send his teacher, I'm not responsible for..."

"Oh but you are Mr Taylor", she placed a hand on his chin and lifted his face up to look at hers, "you failed to raise your son properly and so he ridiculed his teacher, belittled her, made her leave"

"It's just a place women go to get a haircut"

"That's not all it is", her tone grew harder, "is it?"

"I believe they help with life coaching"

"You know exactly what they do there"

"They just help people that's all"

"They help people all right", Misty sneered, "They helped me"

"You,", he almost fell back shaking his head in wide eyed disbelief, "no, no, no...", his voice trailed off becoming barely a whisper.

"I was bored, but I was happy you know? I didn't have much but I had a plans, but now...."

"What are you talking about....", the realization had hit Mr Taylor like a tonne of bricks, ".....Miss....Ms. Harding is that really, it can't be....", he looked at her dumbfounded in awe, she saw his suit pants start to bulge, 'just what I expected' she smiled.

She leapt at him grabbing his face, cutting him off with a passionate kidd, "Ms Harding is retired for good, I'm her superior replacement Misty and I am rarely bored nowadays because I know what I want and I know how to get it.....", he struggled against her, but his resistance was half hearted at best, "and right now what i want is you Mr. Taylor", her hands guided him to her firm ripe ass

"I'm a married man Ms..Mi..Misty..."

"I know, but Raven told me everything. That you were never here with Mrs Taylor, that you'd grown bored of her, ", she said biting his lip hard,

that's why you know about Voila's isn't it", looking into his eyes, " of course you didn't just send your your wife there did you?"

"It's...it's not like that..."

"Shhhh it's okay Mr Taylor, I know all about men like you, I had a chat with Raven about you and your projects, it was quite illuminating, seems like Jack has inherited some of Daddy's proclivities"

"You don't understand, my wife, she wanted to spice up our sex life, you see she... but she wouldn't let Raven help... wouldn't let Raven fully awaken her, none of them would"

Misty smiled, "I never had that choice did I Mr Taylor"

"I paid! Fuck, I paid extra, but they always wanted to stop short, they wanted to be in control", he cast his eyes down, "they wouldn't go far enough, they set too many limits"

"Stupid little Bitches", Misty laughed wickedly, "your son, he made sure I wouldn't be given that choice"

Her eyes rolled back in her head remembering her own moment of awakening, the freedom, the pleasure, "they didn't know what was good for them, but Raven, she showed me the truth", Misty stepped back to look at this man, "being the bitch is everything to me, I'd do anything to be your bitch, I will do anything for you Mr Taylor"

"Anything?", his eyes darkened

"Anything you want, anything you request, I'll be whatever and whomever you want, if you want me to", Misty knew that allowing him the illusion of control was everything, "just tell me what you want Daddy", Raven's advice had given her the tools to push him over the edge.

"I want you now", he pulled off Misty's jacket and started to attack her with passionate lust filled kisses, his hands roaming her body. "Fuck my wife, fuck Jack, and fuck Dakota, I want to fuck you", Misty smiled wickedly in satisfaction at her victory, all it took was a little nudge.

"Take me on your marital bed, I want to fuck me on there and do things to me she'd never let you do", she looked at him with big eyes, "I'll be your perfect Sugar Baby Daddy"

[dolleminas]

I think the last few days really taught me (but what I secretly already knew) is that middle-class women have very little solidarity, let alone empathy for working-class women. It's not only women, it's men too, but it's just glaringly obvious when we supposedly should fight for women, up until it's middle-class women fighting for poor women. There's solidarity, up until a certain point.

Let me paint you a picture. It's summer, I've just started getting back into the workforce after years of crippling illness. I'm meeting with my job coach. A lovely woman, and we get talking about why I want to go back to work.

"Part of it is that I'm bored at home, but I'd be lying if finance isn't a motivator too."

She scoffs good-naturedly. She says, money is not important! The important thing is that you have fulfilment in your work!

I look around myself. We're sitting in her garden. The garden of her two-story house. It's bigger than my entire home. I say I would like to be able to eat, to pay rent. She brushes me off. She doesn't get it. I don't think she's ever had to go hungry.

Let me paint you another picture. I grew up in a neighbourhood full of people like me. The homes were built from the rubble of WWII. When I laid in bed, I would brush my hands over the walls and feel the grit and the dust stain my fingertips. Sometimes it would even stain the bed. My bedroom is hardly bigger than a broom closet, but it's all I know. Most of my neighbours are immigrant families and poc. That's where the government puts them. Crime is rampant. But it could be worse. My mother buys hand-me-downs from the neighbours for me. Other kids bully me for my clothes. During the christmas holidays, the school has to board up the windows because of vandalism. We sit with our coats on in class because heating costs too much.

Still, I know people who have it worse. My mother has a part-time job as a receptionist and my grandparents help. When I wear holes into my underwear my grandmother silently buys us some more. I have never known underwear without holes in them. When we go on vacation, I feel rich. I know many kids who don't. My mother only has to take care of me.

This all makes it that much more of a slap in the face to see women claim to be supporters of women, so-called feminists but have absolutely no empathy for poor women. And most of the time they don't even know it. They have an idealised world-view. A, 'just do x' or 'just do y' and my personal favourite 'well I'd never do that!' or even 'you have options.'

No. No, don't. Be quiet, be silent, listen. If you have solidarity with women, then listen about the lives you have not lived, the struggles you have not struggled with. Do not come from a place of 'I would never' because you cannot, with any resemblance of accuracy, say that until you have lived it. Poor women aren't stupid or lazy, stop thinking of us as such! Stop blaming us for the life we were born into, the life we often are unable to escape.

Sit down, listen... and don't expect poor women to have solidarity with you if you do not have it with us. You, the privileged one. The idealistic one. The one who never knew how it was like to go hungry as a little girl and have to watch your mother lie to you about why.

[storiesbyjes2g]

3.101 Cash money

I took Kooper for a nice long walk, which was something we didn't do often. He was chill and required less physical activity than Rosie, so I always favored her when I wanted company on my jogs. Even though he could have gone without, he appreciated the time together and smiled the entire time. When we got home, Sophia was standing at the door giving me that look. I unleashed Kooper as quickly as I could and whisked her away into our love den. Being on vacation in a fancy house was cool and all, but nothing compared to our own bed. I think we were trying to show it how much we missed it and lingered there until our stomachs growled around dinnertime. Afterward, we attempted to settle on the couch in the office, but we were intercepted by a huge pile of presents. I forgot that was a thing sims did at weddings. Sophia was overjoyed at the sight; it felt like Winterfest all over again.

I let her open the first two from my parents, but then she handed me a box that had my name on it. I thought it was odd that the sender would single me out when the gift should have been for both of us. But when I saw who it was from, I understood.

"It's from Dub! Oh, there's a card..."

[click to enlarge]

I couldn't believe it and had to sit down and read it again. He had no idea how much of a blessing that was for us. Or maybe he did. Whatever the case, I was elated, and humbled, and determined, and proud, and all the other positive emotions. Our friendship was such a beautiful thing. Not because he gave me money, but because it was pure. It had no conditions or warnings or complications. He was the kind of friend I always wanted.

Eventually, it hit me that Sophia and I were about to come into a bunch of money and we could accomplish our dreams a lot sooner than later. I started dancing in my seat.

"A money tree? I didn't think they were real," Sophia said.

"Isn't it great?? If it grows fast enough, we could be in our house by next week!"

That thought excited me even more, and I danced even wilder.

"It's a very generous gift," she said hesitantly, "but..."

Like a record scratch in the club, I stopped. Party done.

"What's wrong? With all the money we're about to have, you'll never have to work again if you don't want to. We can go on vacations and stay as long as we want, buy our kids whatever they want... Hell, maybe I won't have to worry about teaching classes anymore. It's gonna be great!"

Her hands snapped to her hips, and I knew I'd messed up somehow.

"No, Luca! This is what I mean! I like who we are. Money has a way of changing sims, and I don't want that. I thought you taught yoga because you were passionate about it. Why would you stop? Are you doing it for the money?"

"I am passionate about it! But it's also how I make a living. If I didn't have to worry about making money, maybe I wouldn't have to worry about going from spa to spa, begging for a chance to teach!"

Her eyes flicked open, like she just realized something.

"But that's why you're going to open a studio."

"Yeah, but..." I sank back in the chair and let out all the air in my lungs. "That was my mom's idea. It's a good one, and sometimes I want to do it too. But sometimes I want my own plan. Everything I've done has been her idea, and..."

"So...you don't want a studio?"

"I don't know!"

She gasped.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to yell. It's just...it's complicated. You want me to return the seed, then?"

She sighed.

"No. That will be an insult to Dub and his family..." She sighed again and paced the room, searching for a solution that would satisfy us both. "It would be nice to move into our house before the baby comes, but I don't want this to get out of control."

Something like a bolt of lightning struck through my soul, and I felt my eyes grow as large as the sun.

"The baby?! Are you-"

She gasped again.

"I'm sorry! That came out wrong! I just meant it would be nice to be settled in our home before we start having babies."

"So...we're not having a baby?"

"Not at the moment."

I was a little bit disappointed, to be honest. Her slip up shocked me at first, but I was kind of excited about it.

"Alright, so what do you suggest we do?" I asked.

"I just think we need a plan. Put some controls on it so we don't go crazy."

Heh, I know she said we, but she totally meant me. Whatever.

"We don't know how much money it's going to give us," she continued. "So what if we just take what we need to get our house and cover ourselves for a few months?"

"Alright... But what happens after that?"

"It can just sit there until an emergency comes up. Or when our kids want to move out or go to university or get married or...whatever."

The plan wasn't exactly what I wanted, but at least she wasn't completely opposed. This very much felt like one of those pick your battles moments, so I conceded.

"Okay fine. We can do it that way. Let's get this thing in the ground."

We went outside and picked a spot to plant it. I laughed when I took the seed out of the box.

"What's so funny?" she asked.

"This seed! It's cash shaped like a flower! What kind of wizardry is this?"

I dug a hole, dumped the seed, covered it, and poured some water on it. Then, I stood over it, watching as if something were supposed to happen.

"Grow fast, little guy. I want to be in our new house as soon as possible."

Before going back into the house, I sent Dub a message to thank him for the gift.

Dub's note written by @mysimsloveaffair

[dollsonmain]

After me saying "Been crunching numbers, looking at rent, looking at mortgages, looking at our current monthly expenses and I'd need to earn about $24/hr full time just to be able to afford to pay rent/mortgage, bills, owning a car, and food with nothing left. NO BODY'S PAYING THAT MUCH." on facebook, one of my old high school friends tried to encourage me by saying that I'd qualify for programs like SNAP and might qualify for Section8 housing and if I'm earning $15/hr and work 40 hrs a week no, I wouldn't.

In my state:

LIHTC cutoff is $14k/year

SNAP is $19,578

Section 8 housing cutoff is $29,150 for one person and $33,300 for two, and we'd have 2 adults being myself and my son. I don't know if Son will be able to work since he does have some trouble with being interrupted or being told to do something he doesn't want to do, but a the same time I don't know if he'll qualify for disability due to autism because he's low support needs. The single apartment complex that accepts Section 8 is for elders and full, anyway.

Despite being too much to qualify for assistance, it's still not enough to survive on because our current expenses wouldn't change much considering That Guy doesn't eat at home mostly (he barely eats at all, really) so the grocery bill is mostly Son and me, and has no creative hobbies that cost money outside of the occasional pricey LEGO set and a $60 video game lasts him a few months so I picked an average for the credit card bill:

Mortgage: $2000/mo (1 bedroom apartment rent averages $1500/mo while the least expensive house on the market right now says to expect to pay $2k)

Water: $60

Power: $130

Internet: $90

Phone: $170

Propane: $280

He pays for everything like car-gas, groceries, toiletries, all my pony salon supplies, etc. on his credit card and that averages $1700/mo.

Our car is paid off so we don't have car payments but I would have car payments. No idea how much that would be.

That doesn't include the auto insurance because he pays that direct-pay with the bank, which is $78/mo for 3 drivers on a single sedan.

$54,096/year. He does NOT pay for my dolls other than the occasional cheap playline doll.

What of that could we do without?

We don't go on day trips, go on vacation, buy new clothes when our clothes wear out and if we do it's thrifted or from the discount store (like Goodwill, TJMaxx, Marshall's, or Gabe's), don't go to the salon or barber, eat Taco Bell once a week for $25 and rarely go anywhere else, I don't get my nails done, do them myself, or wear makeup which is a huge expense, don't buy expensive electronics or home theater equipment, don't buy home decor, don't pay for repairs, have low-end cheap computers, wait for our phones to no longer be supported before upgrading, wait for ANYTHING to break before replacing it...

[kart0]

Thoughts about my life

Have you ever thought that you are going to the wrong path ?

I am an art student. I study visual arts, basically exploring all types of arts, painting, drawing, ceramics, sculpture, photography, performance, wood cutting, metal cutting ? Anyways, anything you can imagine, we do that.

I've been always disconnected to what I did though. I see all my colleagues, working on their projects with such dedication, such passion and I can't help but think that there's something actually wrong with me. Didn't I want that ? Or did I think this was the only thing I was good at ?

I do not feel enough. And that's an obvious statement. I actually always wanted to be a singer. And a biologist. And a veterinarian. But art was something I always did. So obviously it made sense that I should be doing that for the rest of my life.

I feel so bad. I am wasting my parents money. I am wasting their work and time. And I am wasting my life.

I am a firm believer that getting more knowledge is always a good thing, so maybe I shouldn't be that negative. I've learnt a lot in college. I did things I never thought I'd do, and I actually enjoyed them, such as analog photography. It was fun. It's been fun. But is that all ?

Aren't I supposed to do something bigger, better ? More important ? Shouldn't I try to change the world for the better ? What am I doing, painting silly pictures, making silly art. I could be helping people, helping animals, doing more.

There are no jobs for me here. There are no internships for my course. Nothing. I will not get a job on any company. I will never get a vacation, or health insurance. I will never buy a house, nor a car. What am I doing.

I have to be realistic. I need a job. The world isn't built for people like me, and sure, changes are happening but. They're not enough, and they will never be. I keep thinking I am too different, too off. Like there's something viscerally wrong with me, in my head, in my body.

Here's a secret. I was really serious about biology, and veterinary. Ever since I was a child I was always fascinated with insects. I loved ants and I really really wanted to dedicate my life to them. I wanted to understand their behaviours. What made them do what they did. I gave up after telling myself I wasn't smart enough. I wouldn't pass any entrance exams. The thing is, I know for a fact I am very smart. I'm just lazy. I do not work hard, for anything at all. I am too laid-back. I did not want to study, so therefore there was no point in doing any entrance exams for bio or vet. I wouldn't get in anyways. But. I keep thinking. Where would I be now if I did try.

I keep thinking why am I the way I am. Why am I not passionate over anything ? Besides haikyuu and now, apparently, genshin impact. Why. Is there anything actually wrong in my head ? I am autistic and I am bipolar so like, theoretically, yes, there is something wrong with me in fact.

It upsets me. Why can't I do more. What should I be doing. I wonder what am I going to do.

I can't see myself selling merch on events forever. I'm going to get old, and ugly, and I cannot sell gay merch forever. It's an unstable field, I do not get benefits from a company like health insurance or vacations. I have to be realistic. One day I'm going to get old and my art won't be enough. It's not even enough right now.

One of my hidden wishes and life goals is to work with wildlife rehabilitation. I would love to do that. Sounds very fun, and fulfilling. I am a very methodical, practical, organized individual. I am extremely aware of rules and I am very good at following them. I feel like I'm too much in my head for art. I feel like there's something I lack. Which is, that passion, that fire. I don't have that.

There's the thing though. Would I be fulfilled if I did anything other than what I'm doing right now ? I would wonder why I didn't go to arts, why I am studying this boring shit. I would wish I could be sculpting and drawing. And in the end, all of this would be just a waste of time, helpless and stupid thoughts, that would lead me nowhere. Like now. I know theres no point in thinking and rambling about what I could be doing. It is in my nature to self doubt anything I do though.

Maybe when I'm older and have time, and patience, and love, I can study animals. And work in a rehab center. And take care of birds. I love, love love love birds. I do love cats but I am so passionate about birds.

Maybe I can grow to be an old grandpa, who takes care of birds, and does art for fun as a side job.

But maybe, instead, I could be an artist, who volunteers in rehab centers. Who knows ?

I know for a fact I do not regret going to arts, I love it. It's the perfect field for me. It complements me. It makes me happy. But I keep thinking it's not enough. I'm not going to survive.

Anyways,,,,, just wanted to share some thoughts going through my head rn. I will not be giving up, of course. I just needed to vent a little bit. Thank you.

[pissodeluxe]

Money is so insidious.

Never before have I wished to be wealthy like I do right now. My heart is bleeding every time I see another post, another face, another please do not scroll. I empty everything I can find into fundraisers and sim cards and organisations feeding the hungry.

I've never been wealthy. In all the ways possible in a Scandinavian welfare state, I've been poor. I've grown up hungry and without proper clothes. I've been homeless several times. But I've never wanted to be wealthy. What would I do with money, I always thought. Buy a car I don't wish to drive? Buy a house that I probably won't know how to live in? I once was gifted a lottery scratcher that was a single, final digit away from being the winner and all I remember is the feeling of stress. I don't like money. I was relieved when it wasn't there.

Rock stars fly around in private jets, rich men build rockets and force their workers to piss themselves on the line, my country's subreddits are full of people advising each other on how to become wealthier through becoming shareholders, the famous and the aristocrats waltz around in pointless fashions giving pointless interviews and here we all are on Silly, Pointless Tumblr, half of us are already begging each other for help, for just a single dollar, just anything at all, just enough to feed my dog, just enough to buy my medication, someone please save my cat.

And we're apparently the only place where the cries for help from Gaza and Sudan are even heard anymore. Across the street the owners of the new, fancy apartments with the rooftop gardens whose gentrification has caused five new dog grooming salons to open up in an area that used to be only run down mechanics and car parks, they come here to my government apartment blocks and park their expensive cars, because our parking was always too far away from any place useful to be used like this.

Those people, I see them around. Talking about terrorism and complications, talking about their political views of fiscal responsibility and moral conservatism like they know anything at all about what life is like. They look at me sideways because I'm a filthy homo. They could help but they would never. They need that money, how else would they have their next date night at that Michelin restaurant. How else would they book their next vacation and buy a second Mercedes.

I'd key their disgusting cars except I'm pretty sure they have surveillance built in, and I'm a single parent and I'm already doing my best to find any leftover cash to donate it. I can't afford a fine. But I wish I could hurt them even just a little. Make them think twice before telling anyone who'd listen about how great they're doing. We're not even allowed to have dogs here. Not that I know anyone who would have their dog groomed. We don't even go to the human hair dressers. Five dig grooming shops in an area that I can walk across in twenty minutes.

I hate it.

I want the wealthy to suffer poverty. To feel hunger at night. To be afraid of the end of the month. I want them to feel what it is like to have their rent go up further than their income reaches. I want them to know the desolation having nowhere to go. No home and no family.

I want politicians to become powerless. I want them to become as irrelevant as the victims of their ruthless campaigning. I want them to yell in vain at a world that no longer listens.

I want open borders. I want all of us to weather the coming climate together, I want us to share what we have.

I want Palestine to be free. I want it's people to be compensated and apologised to somehow. I want their olive trees to grow back. I want Zionists to become a ridiculed minority again. I want Jews to be allowed to exist outside of some political nightmare state that claims to speak for them.

I want corporations to become illegal. I want previous metals and whatever else is causing people to be murdered and tortured to be respected and reused. We have enough smart phones, we have enough. I'm ashamed to admit I don't even know what the rest of the current conflicts are really about, because I'm so heartbroken all the time that I'm afraid for my health if I keep reading. I want the world to be safe for Muslims. I want us to get over the stupid, evil racism that's been driving us to murder and maim and torture and starve and kidnap and

I want it to stop. I can't accept that wanting it to stop is "too naive" or "too utopian." I don't care. Let me be childish then, and say that I want it to end. The suffering, the cruelty. I want a just world where everyone is given food and shelter. I want a world where no one gets to just claim the right to hurt their fellow humans.

I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry that so many have already been killed for pointless reasons and unfair wars. I'm sorry that the protests aren't listed to (yet!) I'm sorry that people feel allowed to turn a blind eye. I feel sick to see my country folk pretend like they don't know anything. I'm sorry I don't have the money to help everyone reach their needs, and I'm sorry I'm centering myself in this rant that my one follower will see. Like my heartbreak matters. Like my exhaustion is worth mentioning.

But I refuse to believe that this is how it will be. I refuse a future where not everyone is allowed to have a happy, safe life. I refuse it. There is too much good in this world. We will be heard. Our childish dreams will be made more and more real until the selfish forget that they ever denied them. We will keep fighting and building and sharing until everyone is cared for, until justice is done. We will learn to take care of each other and the ground that carries us. We will learn to become what we want. We will have clean air, clean water, clean food.

There's been enough pain. Something's gotta give. It's been paid for a thousand times already. This planet is too mathematically unlikely to just end up empty. Injustice is a losers game. Because I said so.

[trannyradfem]

I seriously can't fucking believe the people on this website sometimes I swear to fucking GOD ugh.

I was visiting my grandpa in hospice!! grieving... Sometimes, a block is just a block. and not about you.

Like, please! For your own sake, even. Don't take them that personally. There is no shortage of people who disagree with me on this site, and I'm open to discussion, but I don't have the resources to fully entertain discource with every single person I interact with. Especially as this blog surprisingly grows more popular than any blog I've ever had. I did NOT see that coming. It's absolutely nothing personal.

If you're fighty about it, or I see other comments by you-- after I've interacted-- that indicate you're going to be hateful or cruel back at me, then yeah, I probably will block you. And honestly I feel more validated in my block after being shown said person saying "no debate is a TRA tactic" and "TRA trolls infiltrating radblr" when describing what I did. It's dehumanizing, acting like we can't possibly be genuine. So no, I don't want to interact with you. I do not genuinely have the energy for that.

Do the same-- curate your internet experience more, seriously, it has such a positive impact on your online experiences, and in no way waters down your radfem beliefs. sometimes posts and threads are just not worth ur time. And there is genuinely research out there on how the things you view and scroll on social media drastically influence the way you think and feel in very subtle ways that can compound over time. Seeing shit you vehemently disagree with that upsets you to that extent on repeat would have a negative impact on anyone's psyche.

Activism should be much more than just Tumblr anyways, yes?

Anyways. For anyone who's followed me, some venty updates under the cut. Sorry I haven't been around or checking notifications. I keep telling myself that I'm going to check every single one of them because I truly do appreciate the interactions and love talking with y'all, but lately I've been stretched thin and on heavy pain meds most of the time. And it's been months, even years for some of you, and the list just keeps growing longer.

I don't know when I'll get better, and it's scary. I've been sick and getting sicker for a long time now, and a lot of it is indeed from the childhood abuse and what they did to my body. But there's things happening that those factors doesn't explain, and given what I know about how the nervous system works, it might not be a great diagnosis. I love y'all and hope y'all forgive me for not being active on here. If I somehow recover I will be more responsive, promise.

I've become wheelchair bound, I'm out of work on medical leave, and every single day I feel like I'm fucking dying from my back spasms. My docs don't know what's wrong with me and I'm fucking terrified for my life after this election. My friend's parent tried to strangle her and we're trying to move her into our place to get her out of there. I have the equivalent of a full semester of revamped medical coding content to learn before I return to work. I'm not ready to lose Papa.

I have. So fucking much on my plate. I am. so tired. vhhbvghn. and I'm running out of money and my debt is catching up to me. I feel so fucking stupid now for buying a vacation plan back when I was healthier because holy shit I can't even leave the house now. The monthly payments are suffocating being out of work.

I worked so hard to build my credit score I'm so scared to lose everything I've worked so hard for. I want to be a doctor so badly, I'm already a licensed professional!! But you can't get hired as a doctor if your credit score is fucked!!! You can't get housing if your credit score is fucked... If I ever had to go back to homeless sex work I think I'd just kill myself. I don't want that, I'm not a suicidal teen anymore, like. FUCK. I want to do something meaningful with my life, I want to make this world a better place.

Today, after picking my brain on my career and the ideas I have to fix the medical industrial complex, a doctor told me I have more experience (wrt how the medical system works from several different angles) than most DOCTORS have and I was stunned. Like I squealed out a "thank you..!" and just clammed up.

That meant so fucking much to me. I feel like I have so much potential and being disabled and sick is just so fucking frustrating. Like holy fuck I'm on the right track, there are doctors that barely know me who are impressed with the very little I've been able to accomplish. Like, I gotta keep pushing forward, surviving wasn't all for naught. It's a bit of hope for me.

My nerve ablation is coming up soon, I can't wait. It's been 7 long years of that compression fracture bullshit. I'm so ready to be able to stand and exercise again.

[frances-baby-houseman]

My dad has basically never visited me-- he came on his own volition when the holocaust museum had a friends and family preview (2019), Alice was born (2015, and left while I was still in the delivery room) and for Joe's bris (2019), and one other time for my sister's engagement party (2021). Every single other time he has visited, which I would say is less than once a year, has been when he had a local deposition or conference. EVERY TIME, and I have lived here for 16 years. Plus four years of college.

He made a crack while we were on vacation about how messy I am, and I just lost it. I was really really upset. I guess it was "just" a "joke" but like, it's very very very hard for me to not connect his not visiting to my not having a fancy house. He lives in a fucking mansion and owns a lake house and an airplane and sent his last kid to fucking Westminster, and I live in a little three bedroom ranch that's a disaster all the time. And he never-- NEVER-- visits me. We were at a party and I was not cool about it and I don't even care.

And he had a lot of excuses but like, the only one that really matters is he just doesn't care to do it. He says he bought the airplane so he could visit more easily but he has fucking diamond status on delta! If you have the money to buy a fucking airplane you can buy a ticket between the two largest airports in the fucking country!

And he's just so, so so present in my youngest sister's life and when I was her age he was getting divorced and remarried and I was not a priority. I don't care what he may say, I was not a part of his life the way she is, or even my stepsister. My stepsister even gets more of him, because my stepmom brings him along. I guarantee he has visited her in Michigan more than he's ever visited me. I mean, in 20 years I can count 4 times and one of those was for my sister. Or my full siblings! I know I don't ask for anything but I also don't feel I'd be given anything anyway. And I know part of it is he's trying to be the dad to her that he wasn't for me, but like. I can see it!! I can see what he's giving her! And what no one gave me!

I know he felt bad bc he spent the rest of the week telling people I'm a really fast runner but I just still feel really sad about it.

I got in a similar really big fight with my mom the last time I was in atlanta because I have kids now and I cannot deal with the way I am treated anymore. I cannot imagine doing to my kids what they do to me. I am not kidding if my mom didn't have parkinson's and could travel more easily, I would never go back to atlanta. I'd never go back. You want to see me, show me.

[toomanysurveys9]

Long time, no post.

What did you have for dinner tonight?

Pizza. Jacob went to talk to the Papa John's owner(?) by us to see if he could start sooner.

If you were given a million dollars, what would you spend it on?

Definitely pay off all the debt. Buy a new house for Jake, our kiddos, and I. Buy a house for my parents, so we didn't have to keep living together. Fix our car. Buy Jake a truck. And savings for each of the kiddos.

Have you ever cried in front of your parents over a boyfriend or girlfriend?

I'm sure.

What does your bedroom smell like right now?

Not great - I need to clean it. Pretty sure Nora left a milk cup in there but I can't find it.

Have you ever shaved off your eyebrow before?

I have not.

Do you want to have a boy or girl whenever you have kids?

I have four kids. We have one boy and three girls.

Your pregnant with twins: What do you name them?

I have no idea. I don't want to have anymore kids. Four is more than enough.

Describe your outfit.

Maternity leggings that are now too big and one of Jake's work shirts.

What gigabyte is your memory card?

Don't have one.

What brand is your digital camera?

I just use my phone so I told the camera I did have because we needed the money more.

When was the last time you hung out with your best friend?

A couple weeks ago. Had a baby shower for one of them.

What is a movie you're waiting to see?

I honestly don't even know what's out right now.

Who was the last person to cook something for you?

Whoever made the pizzas from Papa John's.

Do you ever sit and think what if about something?

All the time. It's terrible.

If so, what is it?

So many things. It'd take too long to list but most are bad.

What’s on tv right now?

Jake's playing Rocket League on PS4. I'm waiting until my grandma is allowed to take her meds after I helped my youngest sister do her homework because my mom got pissed at me because she's spying through the ring camera in the dining room and saw I took my 3-year-old and almost 5-month-old up to bed and evidently my grandma then also tried going to bed. And because I didn't feel like fighting my youngest sister about her homework, so I didn't check it.

Do you ever stop and smell the roses?

Not so much.

Where do you download music from?

I use Pandora and Amazon Music.

How many channels do you have on your tv?

Too many. And most of us only use streaming.

What are you most scared of?

Something bad happening to my babies.

If you were given a chance to bring someone back to life, who would you choose?

Justin. He's my cousin that committed suicide.

Do you talk to any of your ex-boyfriend/girlfriend?

Nope.

If so, which one?

None.

What is your mom doing right now?

Probably watching the ring camera and talking shit or complaining to my dad. Because they're in TN right now. And I'm just a big failure that is ruining their vacation and going to make them come home early, which I won't hear the end of for the rest of my life probably. Even though they usually go out of state at least every six months, usually more often. By themselves.

Are you currently listening to music?

Nope.

What is the weather like right now?

45 degrees.

Do you like new music or older music?

Both.

If you could make a law, what would kind of law would you make?

Oof. Where to start with the shit-show that is about to occur in the US in January..

What was the last video game you played?

I don't remember.

What is currently going on in the room you're in right now?

I'm doing this and Jake is playing video games with one of his buddies. I'm about to go to bed when I finish this.

Do you know where your best friend is?

Home. And hospital. My friend in the hospital might be having her baby boy early.

Who was the last person to comment you on Facebook?

I'd have to look but I left my phone upstairs.

What is your display picture of on Facebook?

A picture of Jake, the kiddos, and I from when we went to the apple orchard.

Do you ever sit and think about the past?

Too much. Lately it's been especially bad.

If you could relive any moment in time: what would it be?

Hmm. Has to be one of the times after giving birth to my kids. Like when we went home for the first time. Probably after Olivia since she was our last so we'd have all of our babies.

Are you a talker or a listener?

Listener for sure.

What is one food you will not eat?

I don't do seafood.

Do you eat anything now that you never used to eat?

Lots of stuff. I was super picky before Jacob.

Have you ever kissed the same sex?

On a dare.

When does school start this year?

Whenever I can find a new internship site. Love my life right now.

Do you ever shout for absolutely no reason?

No.

Have you stuck with your new years resolution?

I don't make them.

Do you need to lose any weight right now?

Yeah.

What is something you want right now?

Not have so many extra people living in our house.

Do you hate when you see teachers in stores?

I never cared.

What always puts a smile on your face?

Hugs from my babies. Smiles from them.

Where can I find you on a Saturday night?

At home.

What is the best thing about Sundays?

Nothing really.

What is your music provider (itunes, windows media player)?

Pandora is my preferred if Jake isn't using it. We share his.

How many songs do you have?

A lot.

When was the last time you had a period?

I guess right after I had Olivia if we want to count that. Otherwise it's been over a year.

Why do you think the sky is blue?

Whatever science says..

If you could change the sky to any color, which would you choose?

Maybe a pretty light purple. I don't know. Or just nighttime all the time.

Is there anything wrong with you right now?

My life is a fucking disaster and I feel completely alone. So a lot.

Do you hate when people stare at you?

It makes me uncomfortable, so yes.

[blazehedgehog]

Another Million Dollar Idea

So lately I've been doing lots of listed and unlisted streams from the Playstation 5. Mostly unlisted. Previously, when I wanted to stream something to my friends, I'd have to open the Elgato on my desktop and pipe that in through Discord, which works but isn't ideal.

For one, my PC is rapidly showing its age, so I have to dump the Elgato down to 720p30 because Discord chugs when capturing this window. Mostly it's good at auto-cropping to only the gameplay, but sometimes it gets confused and will capture the entire window, where you see the settings and buttons. So it kinda sucks.

The easier way to do that is to start up an unlisted YouTube live stream to my dump channel and link it to my friends on Discord. Whatever resolution I want, 60fps, no muss, no fuss. Quick and painless. Here's a stream from the other day where I showed a friend the new version of Asphalt 9 for PS5. It's just raw gameplay footage, no mic:

And, when I want to do a bigger stream, with all my alerts, pop-ups, sounds and rewards, I can always warm up OBS and stream to Twitch properly.

Recently, I house sat for a cousin for eight days. I treat this like a vacation. I can't really work on videos or games or podcasts very much, so I just kick back and chill out. And since these consoles can stream, I can do very long (like 6+ hour) streams easy-peasy.

But let's be real: streaming to Twitch through the PS5 (and the PS4) sucks. I'd have to go in and turn off all my alerts and buttons and overlays, because none of that works on the console stream. The whole thing feels extremely limited, and it's even worse on PS5, where it will automatically end your broadcast if you try to switch games.

But this time around I tried to get something going where I could still get all of my fancy notifications and graphics and still stream from the PS5. The hope was to use remote play on my laptop with the PS5 in the same room, but remote play is too thirsty on the bandwidth for that. Or my 13 year old laptop just can't hang running both OBS and Remote Play at the same time.

But it made me wonder: why should it have to be like this? Game consoles now are more like computers than ever before. There's nothing stopping these systems from supporting real streaming features, like overlays and pop-ups.

And it feels like a deeply untapped market, when you think about it. Imagine if, say, Microsoft came out swinging that the Xbox Series X was the one stop box for professional streamers. Full support for customizable Twitch alerts and overlays, a way to set up soundboards, browser sources, trigger ad breaks, run polls, etc. etc. etc.

Like, think about Elgato. Elgato sells streaming hardware for the PC. Capture cards, lights, cameras, shortcut decks, teleprompters, the works. Streaming and video production is a huge business for them.

If Microsoft or Sony cut in on that market a little bit and rebranded their console as The Only Streaming Hardware You'll Ever Need? Imagine branded streams and the loyalty that could generate.

And these systems have USB ports, obviously. They support common headset protocols through the headphone jack. You can plug professional equipment into them already. Why not have built-in hardware support for that?

The answer is that Microsoft and Sony probably only support Twitch begrudgingly, because some bean counter is annoyed they're "giving money away." After all, Microsoft owned and shut down Mixer. For a time they'd much rather you stay off of Twitch. When you see ads and buy subs they want some of that cut going their way, not to Amazon.

Which is ultimately very short sighted. Microsoft in particular has been rolling over and giving up a lot of ground the last three to five years. If they rebranded as the Xbox being the console for streamers to start and maintain a career over the long term, they could lock in a market that only exists on the PC right now.

If anyone at Microsoft or Playstation is reading this and uses this as inspiration I will take a one time payment of $250,000 for being the world's best ideas guy.

[castielsprostate]

I'm nosy af. I want to see Misha's bank statements and tax returns. I genuinely wonder (like, all the time) what decent rich people (not asshole rich people.. i know what they spend their money on) actually spend their money on. I've never had money. I spend everything i get on food and rent. I go into debt buying shampoo and deodorant. my laptop is 12 years old (and i had to get a loan to buy that and pay it off over five years.) My phone is newer (2016) but was a secondhand gift. I don't own a car. I don't have any pets. I've never in my life been on vacation. I have no insurance, I'll never be able to afford a house and I will almost certainly die tens of thousands of dollars in debt. (I looked into funeral expenses recently and thought FUCK i can't even afford to die!) I wonder what it feels like to.. not live like this? Misha was poor as a kid. I wonder if you get used to wealth if you've been dirt poor? Like i wonder if Dolly Parton is used to being rich now, decades after growing up in a shack with no electricity or running water. I can't even imagine ever getting used to not worrying about having enough food. If I was ever that rich (don't have to worry about food or rent money) I think i'd feel like the wealthiest person in the world. I legit can't even imagine it though. It would take me 20 years to earn $250,000, but Misha can do it in a weekend. Crazy world. (This is not a criticism of him. I love him. I bet he spends a lot of that money doing good things. I'd love to see his receipts, tho.)

oh anon i feel you!!!!! i grew up with literally eating 50p macaroni every day for WEEKS. in the winter we didn't have connected heating because we just couldn't pay for it so we had a diesel generator (this was in 2006). it got better, we got heating (sort of lmao) and we could afford wayyy more when my mum got a job. the little bits of money i got, i never got used to it, it always felt like this is the last im getting i need to save this and not spend that but it didn't go away but the feeling stayed. the feeling of "you're gonna lose this next month" doesn't go away. and we're talking an amount of 1k a month here lmao sjsjsjs i could NEVER imagine having to not worry about rent or food or getting clothes i need or new shampoo. right now i'm worrying about the 15€ i need for some things i genuinely need, but literally dont have the money for. the world would seem so much brighter if I wouldn't even have to look at my bank account and just put the card down yknow?

i dont think anyone that grew up poor, even misha or dolly tbh, every get used to having money :/ and as you said, he makes that in a weekend now (though he also donates a lot of money and uses it for good, a lot is going into investments, his kids' funds etc) but i still think he has that underlying worry gnawing at him that this is it and he's gonna have to do xyz and sell yzx and take up zyx job. it's a never ending pool of anxiety and stress that never ebs and it probably hits him right before going to bed

but then again, i'm just tumblr user castielsprostate what do i know

[bunbeeplays]

The Lemon Legacy: Generation 1, Chapter 96 - A Slice of Paradise

It's been a rough couple of days. Ophelia had a funeral to plan, which was last night, on top of caring for a newborn, but she's powering through.

Xander: How about we give Mommy some alone time this morning? Let Daddy get you a bottle.

Ophelia might be mourning, but she doesn't want to mope. Her gran would hate that. She focuses her energy into finishing up her first song, and it's ready to send off for licensing.

This song is about Xander, but Ophelia has to thank her gran for her influence to follow her passions in the first place.

Ophelia: Hope I keep making you proud, Gran.

She mails out the lyrics. Some extra royalty money will be nice!

Ophelia needs some alone time with her little one. She relieves Xander of his daddy duties.

Ophelia: I can't wait 'til you're not attached to this bassinet. I wonder if you got my hair or his…

Gemma isn't much of a conversationalist. She just likes drinking milk.

I had Xander fix the washer and I forgot to make him throw out the trash. Ophelia caught Marshmallow eating it.

Ophelia: No, bad girl! We don't eat trash! I'm not buying that expensive pedigree food for you to eat literal garbage!

Marshmallow gets the message loud and clear. She doesn't look too happy about it, though.

Marshmallow: nobody in this house understands me

The next day in Tartosa is a bit gloomy, but Ophelia works in her garden to keep her spirits up. Xander's on Daddy Duty.

Later in the afternoon, they're dropping Gemma off with Hilary and visiting Kaipo. He wanted to talk to Ophelia about something important.

It's not long before they arrive at Eve's former home in Sulani. Ophelia checks in with Kaipo.

Ophelia: How are you holding up?

Kaipo: I'm trying not to wallow. Eve wouldn't want that. It's difficult though.

Ophelia: Same for me. Luckily the baby's been keeping me busy.

Kaipo: I know how busy you are. Thank you for coming out to meet me.

Ophelia: Of course. You meant a lot to my gran. Did you need help with something?

Kaipo: No, no. We just didn't have a chance to talk about your inheritance while planning the funeral.

Ophelia: Inheritance?

Ophelia: She sold me my first house for practically nothing. I thought that was enough.

Kaipo: Oh, no. She wanted me to let you know this plot of land is now yours.

Ophelia: You're being serious?

Kaipo: She filled out the paperwork and made it official before she passed.

Ophelia: That's so generous of her, but what about you? I don't want to make you homeless.

Kaipo: You are kind, my dear, but my time with Eve was more than valuable enough. I will go to live with my daughter and her family. Eve wanted you to do what you please with this plot.

Kaipo: Whether you want to move here when you retire as she did, or replace this house with a vacation home fit for a growing family, Eve wanted to give you one final gift.

Ophelia: Wow. I don't know what to say…

Kaipo: You don't have to say anything. I'm just the messenger

Ophelia: Thank you for being so good to my gran, Kaipo. I'd love to stay in touch. Are you on Social Bunny?

Kaipo: Yes, my grandson can show me how to add you later. I will let you and your husband have some time to yourselves. And, for the record, loving Eve was an honor.

Ophelia looks out at the splendor of Sulani while Xander hugs her from behind.

Xander: Your gran was a generous woman.

Ophelia: Yeah. I can't believe this place is ours… We can bring Gemma and our future kids here on vacation whenever we want.

Xander: So there's going to be more? During labor, you begged the doctor to make it stop. I thought maybe you were done.

Ophelia: I was so overwhelmed… but I know what to expect now. I'd like Gemma to have some siblings. I was always so lonely growing up. I want more for her.

Xander: Well hey, now we have a place to conceive our other kids that isn't underwater.

Ophelia: We're going to have to do some serious remodeling first. I'm not woohooing in my gran's bed.

Xander: Fair enough.

[reasonandempathy]

What to do with 10 trillion dollars

I spent way too much time actually answering a reddit question of "How would you spend 10 trillion dollars if you needed to in 20 years. You will die after 20 years." So, I figured I'd share it here.

With only $10 trillion dollars you can't stabilize greenhouse gases or get rid of fossil fuels, which are 13t and 44t respectively. I'm using a variety of sources, so don't expect citations.

I did slightly overpay for things, strategically, partially because I can only imagine doing the things I would do would make it more expensive than it would otherwise be. You'll see.

I'm presuming I don't get assassinated.

What you can do (I did the math) figures are in Billions:

Personal (2.44/10000):

1.44 on remaking 8 games as mid-line AAA games (I chose Legend of Dragoon, FF8, Witcher 1, and the Legacy of Kain series).

.214 on 50 years of housing and buying yourself a $130,000,000 home in NYC. Includes taxes, maintenance, and furniture.

.15 on household staff for 50 years, with at double the normal pay

.000327 to put 3 kids through the best pre-k and best college in the country

.664 setting up each of those 3 kids with their own equivalent home and staff setup

Public Service (4303/10000):

Big one out of the way. 2500bn in lobbying/buying up American politicians to enact structural reforms I want to see. You would think this would be way too much, since the presidential election in 2020 only had 14.4 in it. This amounts to averaging 250 in spending every election cycle, even off-year. I counter with the global commercial banking market having a market cap of 2800 in 2023. The defense industry is almost 480. Health insurance in the US is 1600. This is an expensive, long-drawn fight. This is likely the single most important thing on the list. Anti-corruption measures, labor rights, pro-democracy reforms, including ultimately making it illegal for other people to buy more elections.

a cumulative total of 1803 spent on:

curing the most common cause of blindness worldwide

eradicating polio, rabies, elephantitis, malaria, world hunger, COVID19 issues, Water + Sanitation access, extreme poverty, homelessness in USA, Canada, and UK (I looked for China, Indonesia, Nigeria, Egypt, and Pakistan but couldn't find real numbers),

protecting the Amazon rainforest

Corporate Fixing (5692/10000):

Buying up and changing (converting to Co-Ops, converting to non-profits, dissolving, or something in line with those:

Meta

Amazon

Disney

JP Morgan Chase

Lockheed Martin

Delta

Alphabet

Asda

Tesco

Nike

The Weinstein Company

United Airlines

Shein

EA

BP

Bayer (side-note: they own/are Monsanto now)

De Beers

Vonovia Real Estate Developers

DLE

Ubisoft

Ikea

Shueisha

and Viz Media

It leaves me with 1.4bn left over. I'm comfortable with saying an additional billion would likely be used up administratively as things get a bit more expensive than I thought they would.

Honestly, I could likely blow it on close friends and family who need it. If you have an issue with the house spending being for 50 years instead of 30, that can just be shuffled around a bit to include more people in my personal life to meet the same number.

Leaving me with 470 million to spend elsewhere in the next 20 years. Expensive vacations, nice cars, donating to "smaller" issues as I see worthwhile, giving family and friends money for their ventures/dreams, etc. make me think it wouldn't actually be hard to lose track of that much money in those many years.

Hell, if I want to I can probably spend a million bucks on food a year just for my family. Probably more, if I actively try to do so.

[liarist]

Comedy

Chapter 3: The Identity No warnings

As I woke up, I let out a big yawn, got dressed, and checked the weather for the day. I put on a black wig with bangs, lightly applied makeup, and then wore a coat.

"I'm going out; I'll be back in a bit," I informed. "Do you need me to buy anything?"

"If you can bring coffee or energy drinks, I'd appreciate it," Jake replied.

While I was on the bus, I found another photo in Hannah's cloud. It was a picture of a cat, and I almost melted from cuteness. I sent it to Jake along with a bunch of heart-eyed emojis.

After a couple of hours, I reached my destination. I bought myself a coffee from a café and sat on the terrace. Five minutes later, someone joined me.

"This has been quite unexpected, R," P said, leaving an envelope on the table. I took it and placed it in my bag. "You're lucky I was nearby."

"I know, thank you, P," I said. "It's really important, how much do I owe you?"

"Double the usual amount," P replied. I nodded and left the money on the table. "I'm genuinely grateful for this."

"Can I ask about the other person?" P inquired.

"I was planning on taking a vacation, and unexpectedly, among other things, this came up. But it's nothing bad, or at least I hope so," I said, taking a sip of my coffee. "These… cards… are necessary for emergencies with a partner I'm working with."

"Well, everything you need is there. If you need anything else, just let me know," P said, getting up and leaving.

I finished my coffee and took the bus back.

Thomas: And?

Rebekah: What?

Thomas: Have you looked at Hannah's photos? Do you remember her?

Rebekah: I've seen them, and I was hoping to recognize her from one of my trips, but I'm sorry to say I don't. As you may have noticed, I'm not from this area, so the only way I would have seen her is if I had encountered her during one of my travels.

Thomas: Oh. Okay. I see.

And he disconnects.

Jake: Sorry I didn't message you earlier. Clue number three?

Rebekah: Yes, that's right. The second clue is a bridge in a forest, and the third clue is a beautiful cat.

Jake: Hmm, I'll try to find out some information about these photos.

Rebekah: What could be in these photos?

Jake: Metadata: where the photos were taken, when Hannah uploaded them to the cloud… The more I know, the better. Give me some time. Oh, one more thing. I have another clue for you: ID47013. The police are onto Thomas, Hannah's boyfriend. You should focus on someone else.

Rebekah: Do I have to call the number?

Jake: No, enter it in your contacts. It's at the top right where you see the messages.

I do as he says and see that the number is for Dan.

I get off the bus and stop by the supermarket to buy the energy drinks Jake requested. We didn't have many things in the house, so I should buy some more.

I made a list on my phone:

Thermos cups for coffee

Kettle

A couple of blankets because it gets really cold at night

Coffee

Sugar

Energy drinks (a lot of them)

Non-perishable food items

Gas for the camping stove

I think that should be enough, but let's be realistic—I'll probably come back with more things than what's on the list.

When I arrive home, I knock on the door, and Jake opens it. He raises his eyebrows when he sees me and helps me with the bags.

"I thought you were only going to bring coffee and energy drinks," he murmurs.

"I'm a danger when I go shopping; everything becomes important when I see it," I tell him.

We start placing the items on the table.

"Looks like these are indeed important things," he says, checking the purchases.

"Yes, I don't plan on surviving on instant food," I say. "And I don't want to be cold at night."

"Well, I guess I can't refuse," he remarks.

"Oh, I brought this," I say, taking out the envelope I had stored in my bag. "Today, I met up with my contact for documents. I had to retrieve them all soon anyway, so I thought it would be a good idea to do it now, and I took the liberty of requesting papers for you as well." I hand him his documents. "There's an ID card, passport, motorcycle, and car driver's license. There's also work information with all the details. The passport provides access to most countries, and more than 40 are visa-free."

"What about this? 'Rebekah'?" He looks noticeably surprised.

"It's for the times when we may need to escape. It helps us maintain a low profile. I can tell you from experience that I've never had any problems with this documentation; it's very reliable," I explain.

"Thank you so much, truly, thank you, Rebekah. I don't know how to thank you."

"I know what it's like to have to live on the run, and I know the relief that comes with having these papers. I feel a sense of peace with them. We're in this together, Jake," I smile.