#and I'd promised to help a friend move on saturday

[mitamicah]

I got a headache out of the blue - I really don't hope I'm getting sick :'3

[sleepyangelkami]

PERVERTED II c.grimes

 𝜗𝜚 WORD COUNT - 3.5K

CARL GRIMES X FEM!READER

 𝜗𝜚 SUMMARY - carl decides to go through with this weeks saturday sleepover. so far, he's been able to control himself. until, that is, he hears you whimper his name in your sleep.

 𝜗𝜚 WARNINGS - smut, slight angst, somnophilia, thigh riding (kinda), fingering, pussy eating, cum eating, wet dreams, sex dreams, innocence kink, corruption kink, dom!carl, sub!reader, noncon, heavy manipulation, use of y/n, petnames, intended lower case, nothing i write is ever proofread 🩷

series masterlist

"you sure you don't wanna come?" rick questioned as he took a box from his son, landing it inside the back of the truck. "we could use the help."

carl watched his dad place a hand on his hip before shaking his head, hand on his hat. "no, i promised y/n i'd stay over. can't miss saturday sleepover can i?" he'd laughed yet he knew he wouldn't wish to miss it for the world, either. rick gave him a look, lips slightly perking up as if he knew something. "what?"

rick wasn't born yesterday either. he was well aware what it was like to have a silly crush, especially at that age. but this... this was much different. "nothin'" before packing in the last box. "you be good, alright? don't ruin the house while glenn and maggie are gone."

the two were going on the supply run with him, along with many more of the fighters. "bye, dad." watching him get into the rusted car.

and so, the day went on.

by the time lunch rolled around, carl still hadn't seen you. however, he wasn't entirely alone. he soon found ron who decided to help him look for you. in return, you'd also be looking for his also missing girlfriend, enid.

"they're always running off." ron muttered under his breath. he knew enid was close with you, possibly your best friend had carl not been thrown into the mix. enid was always running off with you, slinging you around by the arm. "hey, what's the deal with you two anyway?" carl's head peeked up, brows knitting together. "is she like your girlfriend or something?"

his mind moved like puzzle pieces. girlfriend. carl had never had a girlfriend before but he was pretty sure you had to kiss and all that to actually be in a relationship. then again, you don't touch yourself with your 'friend's panties sitting on your dick. he cleared his throat. "no... no we're not together."

saying you were his friend didn't seem all too right but saying you weren't his girlfriend didn't seem right either. you were something.

but ron didn't look convinced, rolling his eyes with his brows raising slightly. "whatever, dude." was it really all that obvious to everyone aside from you? carl thought that if there was a competition on the most oblivious person alive, you'd win.

but perhaps that was the easier option. would he have preferred you to know? everything seemed so easy with the fact that you were so oblivious. it was like a reminder that he could do anything he wanted right under your nose.

"finally." hearing the mutter from ron, carl looked up. this was when he was met with the sight of you, as pretty as ever, sat next to enid on a bench near the town's pond.

carl could barely look at you. the way you sat with your legs folded, smiling away innocently, completely unaware of what he'd done last night. you wore a pretty skirt, enough to slightly hike up your legs, giving carl a view of the pretty plush of your thighs.

he could only imagine digging his hands around the plush, holding it and kneeding the skin. he could only imagine grasping your thighs, holding them close while he rammed his di―

"there you guys are!" ron exclaimed causing carl to shake his head, ridding himself of the thoughts he'd been having. "carl and i were looking all over for you." he had this voice he used when he spoke to girls, one that carl could guarantee was not the voice he used with him.

enid only rolled her eyes. the sight of her boyfriend and carl was enough to have her smile drop. "well, we weren't looking for you." she mumbled. some may say she didn't like anyone aside from you, not even her own boyfriend. carl didn't think there was much of a point of being with someone that you didn't even like. "hence the getaway pond."

ron must have thought she was joking because he came up to pinch her side and kiss her cheek. the sight alone had carl's stomach turning.

however, the sweet sound of your lulling voice was enough to bring him back. "hi, carl." you beamed at him, smile as wide as ever. he hadn't even registered you moving from the bench to his side. all he remembered was the feeling of you snaking in next to him, your body so close. suddenly, he felt so dirty. "we were feeding the ducks." smiling like a child on christmas. you always smiled like that, like you had a thousand things to be smiling about. it always made carl wonder if you were truly made for this world at all.

when he was around you, he was fighting off his own smile. yours was so contagious. the way his lips curved upwards told you he was happy for you, he always was. "that's great ba― y/n." correcting himself as his expression faltered, smile wavering.

he watched as your entire face fell.

he was unable to bring himself to call you those cute names. baby, sweetheart, like an old couple who'd spent their entire lives together. he couldn't bring himself to say such things after he imagined himself fucking you just the night before. it didn't seem right, not when you were so oblivious to the dirtiness behind his words.

the smile wiped clean from your face, carl was sure you could have cried.

you reminded him somewhat of a kicked puppy.

he'd been the one to kick you.

he never called you y/n, unless speaking to someone else like his father or even ron. this was because they'd hardly understand who you were if he was referring to you as sweetheart.

the point was, he only used your name if it was wholeheartedly necessary.

you wondered what'd changed.

your mind ran back to the night before. when he'd entered your house, looking awfully suspicious and at the sight of you, he practically rushed out the door. had you done something wrong? your heart ached at the idea that you may have upset him. a heart of gold, some people said you had. carl had to beg to differ. the look on your face explained all he needed to know, a heart of mere paper.

he regretted it the moment he said it.

he knew how you got, how all up in your head you could be. he could only imagine how you'd be for the rest of the day, going over every interaction you've ever had with the boy and wondering where everything went wrong, where you messed up.

the moment your name slipped from his lips, he thought it may have been better to call you anything else in the entire world. even if it was laced with the dirty undertone.

he felt your body move slightly away from his, eyes cast down on the ground to avoid any glances. "'m gonna go see aaron." you announced, rather loudly too.

"okay." enid responded, her eyes glancing you over before turning to carl, a slight glare, if you will. she didn't particularly like carl, though carl hadn't the foggiest idea why. perhaps it was because she was so protective of you. carl had to roll his eyes, if anyone knew what was good for you, it was him. "don't stay out too late."

you didn't respond, grasping your bag that sat at the bench before turning onto the footpath.

carl had to purse his lips. "wrong way." he said, just loud enough for you to hear.

with slightly wide eyes, you realised he was right. spinning around on your heel, you began walking left instead of right. "thanks." you mumbled under your breath before continuing your walk to one of your favourite people in the entirety of alexandria.

back at the pond, carl was cursing himself under his breath before turning around to find two accusing pair of eyes sat on the bench. one pair belonged to enid, the other to ron. "what did you do?" was enid's accusing tone, her face hard as stone. carl was on the receiving end of this look very often, he didn't fear it... well, he feared it a little but not as much as before... okay he feared it.

"what do you mean what did i do?" he instantly fell to defending himself. despite the fact that he knew he was the reason for your declining mood. "i didn't do anything."

whether it was to intimidate carl or that she smelled the sort of fish smell of ron that carl had smelt earlier, she perked up on the bench, loosening her boyfriend's arm across her shoulder. "she looks like a deflated balloon." she argued.

"yeah." ron nodded his head. carl couldn't stop the glare he sent his way, what did he know. "everyone knows aaron's like her very own guidance councillor, his boyfriend too." he shrugged his shoulders. "whatever you did, i'd say fix it quick."

the brunette boy only glared at the couple. "thanks guys, for that enlightening advice. but i don't need it, okay? i didn't do anything."

on the contrary, he was well aware that it was his fault. he needed to fix it and he needed to fix it fast but he didn't need enid and ron whispering in his ears. nobody knew you like carl, they didn't know what they were talking about. they hadn't seen you crying over some stupid movie you watched. they didn't see you smiling the way he did, they didn't take notice like him.

they'd never understand what it was like to know you. only carl would. and he'd make sure of that.

the sun was setting by the time carl had made it to your house. you'd opened the door, taking him in with your eyes before allowing him inside. maggie and glenn were on the run so the two of you headed straight towards the bedroom where'd you'd begin the movie night. however, carl was more focused on the fact that you'd spoken barely four words to him tonight rather than which disney movie you'd force him to watch this time.

he knew you were in your head but you wouldn't utter the words because what were you meant to say? hey carl, why didn't you call me baby? something so simple had ruined your entire day.

however, carl couldn't keep it in anymore. "are you okay?" he blurted out after many moments of silence as he sat atop your pink bed sheets.

you, at the foot of the bed pursed your lips. you pressed play on the movie and allowed the credits to begin. you weren't the type of person to insist that you were fine if you weren't. carl liked that about you, he never had to guess. "are you mad at me?" voice meek, like a childs.

the realisation hit carl that despite what he was feeling for you, he'd have to push it down in order to continue your friendship. at least, he couldn't take it out on you. "'course not, baby, c'mere."

the name fell from his lips like sweet relief.

it suddenly occurred to the boy that you needed him. desperately so. something as simple as calling you by your first name had thrown off your entire day. carl should have been worried, concerned even. instead, his heart fluttered a little.

you truly did rely on him.

with a sigh of relief, you found yourself crawling up to the boy. today had been so long with you being in your own head so when you felt the feeling of his hands sneak around your waist, it was like coming home after a long day at work.

you couldn't see his face but if you could, you'd see the sheer nervousness on his face. he needed to control himself but he wasn't sure how that was possible while you cuddled up against him beneath your bed sheets, clad in your pretty pale blue shorts and your white spaghetti strap top.

your knee was bent, extending over the top of his legs. there was a sharp intake of breath as your knee gently bumped against the prominent bulge in his shorts. you hadn't noticed, he knew you hadn't noticed and to make sure you wouldn't notice, he reached over to switch off the light, clearing his throat. "so, uh, what are we watching?"

"the princess frog." you answered, turning your head up to look at his face as he groaned.

a look of displeasment was evident on his face. "it's so boring!" he practically gushed.

offence hit you like a truck. "excuse me!" you battled. "i'd like to see you opening up your own restaurant all by yourself." even carl had to admit, you got him there.

carl never understood why you picked movies that you fell asleep so early during.

he heard your soft snores and your gentle breath hit the crook of his neck within the first half hour of the movie. though he couldn't blame you. truthfully, he could only blame himself in how he had your head messed up, practically knocked off your shoulders for the entire day.

it took until almost a full hour into the movie for you to stur.

at first, carl thought he'd misheard it. a little noise falling from your lips. then, he heard it again.

he held his breath as he heard the whimper leave your lips.

then, he felt it.

the gentle roll of your hips against his thigh had him practically seeing stars. the boy glanced to the tv hoping for some kind of a distraction from his obvious hard on. he couldn't wake you up, not because he actually couldn't. but because he wasn't too sure if he wanted to.

admitting it sounded like nails on a chalkboard but he'd be lying if he said he did want to. the little whimper you let out, sleepily and lowly albeit, into his ear was enough for him to almost completely loose his control.

it was like he was dreaming, it was everything he'd dreamed of, especially the night before.

you sounded even better than he'd thought.

he shouldn't have laid so still. you weren't aware of the way your hips bucked onto his leg, a little whine stretching from your lips. he reminded himself that you were too busy sleeping to understand what was going on. he couldn't engage with you, that'd be wrong.

so... wrong.

then he'd swore he heard it. "carl." a mumble in your sleep, enough for him to not know whether or not you were actually sleeping. he took a glance at your face, eyes screwed shut.

he was imagining things, he had to have been.

you soon rolled over, leaving him laying very stiffly as he tried to wrap his head around what was happening.

you were having a wet dream, obviously. that'd never happened before, at least not while cuddled up against carl. but he could have swore he heard you say his name. he shook his head, knowing he was wrong, he was so caught up in what had happened the night before that he was imagining you breathe his name.

then, he heard it again.

this time it was more stretched out into a whine. due to the movie on in the background, he could vaguely make out the way your cunt rutted onto nothingness, the mattress maybe but it wasn't enough to cause any real friction.

his mind stirred. if you really were having a dream about him, surely it was only his duty to... help?

but it was dirty, downright perverted.

but your noises were growing needier, obviously the bed wasn't enough for you to create real friction from. he had to help you. "poor girl, can't even get herself off." he mumbled under his breath, not enough to wake you up.

if he were to touch you, it wouldn't be for him. no, he was doing this for you.

he knew you well enough to know you wouldn't wake. on the contrary, you'd sleep through an asteroid should it hit your home.

he reached his hand down beneath the covers, holding his breath. he was helping you, he reminded himself, helping you. this was for you, making sure you felt good as your dream continued. your dream of him.

suddenly, he wasn't the all too dirty one. perhaps you were.

his fingers gently felt the core of your shorts, taking an intake of breath upon feeling just how wet you were. it practically seeped onto his fingers, it was a wonder if his sweatpants didn't have a wet stain on them from how you'd been rolling your hips against them.

he breathed in, gently massaging the area you needed him the most, you all but moaned into the pillow, eyes screwed shut.

carl had dreamed of this moment for as long as he lived, he wasn't ready to give it up just yet.

the way your hips jutted into his hand, creating all the friction you needed and you whimpered again, still stuck in slumber, had carl's confidence through the roof.

it was as if saying his name, he realised you wanted it just as much as he did.

how he ended beneath the covers, he wasn't too sure. perhaps it was the newfound confidence he'd gained.

he'd spent too long dreaming of this moment to stop now. he breathed as shallow as a man could before his fingers travelled back to your shorts, gently pulling them away from your aching cunt. that was when he realised you hadn't been wearing panties. did you do that often around him? had you been... expecting something?

nonetheless, carl was more than willing to give it to you.

his breath fanned your pussy, prettier than his sick mind could have ever mustered. the image would be burned into his head, it'd never leave. one thing was for sure, this boy wasn't leaving the next morning without putting his mouth to your cunt.

and that was exactly what he did.

his tongue reached your pussy, licking a long stripe and feeling your thighs jump and your body jolt. obviously, never been touched.

he knew it'd be him who touched you first. now, it was just him making sure of it.

he licked again, your wetness gathering on his tongue. he tried to hold back the groan that spread throughout your entire body. yet, you still lay sleeping. it somehow only egged him on further. he knew you wouldn't wake. to him, your body was his for the taking. and he was going to take it.

his tongue found your cute hole, hands against your thighs, holding them, trapping them down.

tongue dancing across your clit, he heard you moan even louder, still trapped by slumber. his lips curved upwards, tongue circling your clit. he moved one of his hands, using his middle finger to gently slide into your sopping hole. so wet for him, already.

he cursed enid and ron for thinking they knew you. he cursed all of the people who thought they knew you. the truth was, the only person you could ever rely on would be him, he'd make sure that you got what you needed, make sure all your needs were fulfilled at all times. perhaps this was just him making sure of that fact.

his tongue moved away from your clit, moving his other hand to meet it. he saw the way your body writhed against his hands. he couldn't wait to do this when you were awake.

it wasn't until your thighs actually began to shake that he knew what was happening. "s'pretty." he mumbled, dazed as drool practically dripped from his mouth. you truly were, the most beautiful thing he'd ever encountered his entire life.

mouth moving back to your cunt, he moved his tongue back against your clit at an alarming pace. with his now free hand, he held your thighs down, trapping them under him as your body shook against him, jutting your hips back and practically rolling your hips against his face. he relished in it. you were practically getting off to his pretty face which told him all the more just how much you loved this.

he felt your hips force themselves back to the bed, shaking and vibrating until your juices poured out onto his tongue.

you'd came.

he lapped you up without second thought, tongue dancing over your hole and licking the juices off the single finger he'd pushed inside of you.

licking his lips, he finally rose. he watched your face lull in your sleep, obviously content and finally getting your sweet relief. he gently moved your shorts to cover your pussy again, as if nothing had happened at all.

it took mere seconds for you to roll back over and onto him, cuddling against his side. he couldn't help but feel even dirtier.

you'd never even know.

main masterlist/carl's masterlist

[viisator]

2nd Time • Nishimura.R

Tittle : 2nd time.

Pairing : Nishimura Riki x F!Reader

Genre: Smut

Warning: Sex.

: You and Riki are best friends since middle school.

Not Proofread

• • • • •

"I can't believe this..." You muttered in disbelief. Riki's playing good-knows-what beside you not bothering to give you a glance. You're currently in his room, sitting on his bed with him.

"Hm?"

"Remember when we went to this party last Saturday?" You let out a huff.

"What about it?" Riki glance at you from his phone. When you didn't answer, he immediately put his phone down and shoot you a curios look, making you sigh.

"I just had my first sex..." You whispered, but Riki's eyes grew wide,and you know he heard you very clear, your gaze drop to the bed sheets in shame.

"Seriously?" Then his surprise shifts into a frown. "Then why do you look disappointed?"

That made you groan, gripping your hair frustratedly as your head drop on the pillow on your lap. Riki stare at you in confusion.

"Because I am disappointed..." You lift your gaze and see his deep frown.

"I did it with a junior--look, I was drunk, alright? And I made a promise to myself I'd lose my virginity to the person I love. If possible, once I got married and now-" You didn't finish your sentence heave a long defeated sigh.

Riki scoot closer to you and give you a pat on the back, scoffing a little.

"Why did you even do it if you're regretting it this much?" He asked. You answered with another frustrated groan.

"I was drunk and horny... obviously." Riki rolled his eyes at your remark and grab his phone again to start another game. Ignoring you.

You didn't mind even if he starts another game, you just know that whatever he's doing, he'll always listen to you.

"I hate this..." you grumble again.

"Riki help me..!" You grab his arm and starts shaking him. He gave you a deadpanned look and slap your hand off his shoulder.

"Seriously, What am I supposed to do? make you virgin again?" He said in irritation making you whine in return.

"God I hate this..." You muttered beside him.

"I wouldn't mind it this much if I lose it with you instead." Riki's fingers halt on his game, then he gave you a look.

"Are you being serious?" He asked without the earlier irritation in his voice, instead, this tone of is low and deep, almost above a whisper.

"Yeah, seriously." You rolled your eyes. "If only you took my virginity before that party , I wouldn't regret it this much." You said between sighs. When you glance at him again, there's this unreadable look he has, almost a predatory stare that makes a prey like you very uncomfortable.

"What's with the stare?" You asked, a frown slowly form on your face while his stare's not waverng.

"You're talking about sex." He said flatly.

"I am." You nod with a little uncertainty.

"With me." He added. You nod again in confirmation.

"I mean- if you're offended I brought this up-" He shakes his head slightly before interrupting you.

"That's not it." There's a cool in his voice that made you shiver a little. You swallowed thickly.

"'Just that- you're asking me to fuck you, indirectly." Your eyes widen while your lips parted. Silence filled his room as you stare at him in disbelief while he stare back at you, his expression still cold and blank.

"That's not-"

"You're not entirely not a virgin anymore." He move closer to you, his hand slowly finding your waist, pulling you closer, then in a blink of an eye, you're straddling his lap, his hard cock poking your butt, making you wet and more red on the face. His right hand then roam under your shirt, the soft skin of your waist in his grip, while his other hand held your nape, caressing gently as he pulled you closer, placing your head on the crook of his neck, his lips grazing your ear as his breath hit your skin, forming goosebumps all-over your body.

"If I fuck you right now, I bet you're still tight. Imagine your pussy clenching me, hm?" You bite your bottom lip to suppress the whimper urging to escape your lips as your hands find his shoulders for support, making him smile slightly.

His right hand move down your hip, then your thigh. He give your smooth thigh gentle caresses and rubs as he slowly slips his fighters in your shorts, reaching your inner thigh.

"Riki..." You whispered as you slowly lift your head to give him a glance.

"Hm?" He remove his hand from your nape and hold your cheek instead. "You're not ready yet?" He asked gently, warmth in his tone.

You shake your head. "That's not it- it's just...We're about to do it...aren't we?" The uncertainty in your voice made Riki smile a little.

"Yeah." He plant a small peck on your cheek, then the other cheek then your nose and your forehead, leaving you breathless and flustered. He took your lips with his teeth, nibbling and sucking, his left hand made its way up your shorts reaching your panties, while his other hand tilted your head up to deepen the kiss, his tongue fighting yours and eventually dominating your mouth. His fingers graze your clit, you whimper against his lips, then his thumb stared rubbing like his tongue rubs yours. You break the kiss and grasp for air, clenching his shoulders as his fingers slips inside you one by one, while his thumb rubs, his three fingers enters and exits your hole. Riki couldn't help but let a quiet groan out as he grow even hard by your moans and the way you ride his fingers breathlessly made him want to fuck you to sleep with his cock. Then soon enough, you reached your limits, your moans filled his room, he slowly slips his fingers out of you and caressing your cheek and give you a sweet, gentle kiss on the lips before you collapse against him, both in tiredness and embarrassment from being fucked your best friend's fingers.

Note: I don't care anymore. This draft was when he turned 18, maybe two weeks after his birthday and I never posted this because it's so inappropriate. Sorry btw. But I'm clearing my drafts then I'll quit tumblr because of shame.

[whiskeyncoke-redux]

I don’t know if you’re still doing asks 👉🏻👈🏻 but if you are what about Pedro and reader being FWB and he falls for her but he’s scared to tell her?

Hi, nonny, idk if you're still out there or if you gave up on me ever answering this. If you did, I totally understand. I'm sorry it's been one hell of a year. I lost my dad 5 days after my birthday and my stepmom 3 weeks after that. So I've been kinda out of it writing wise.

All that to say: I got your request. I loved it, and I finished it. So here it is. If you're the anon who sent this, thank you, because you got me writing again. If you know who the anon is, please let them know.

Anyway here you go...

More than Friends (With Benefits)

Pedro Pascal X Reader

(no warnings)(Also reblogs and comments are more than welcome and requests too☺️)

As he felt the sun hit his face, he shook his head with a small frown, his eyes still closed tight wanting to get just a few more precious seconds of sleep. It was no good, he was awake. He sat up, and with a small groan, he stretched and then let out a loud yawn. As his mouth stretched open wider, he glanced to his right. His yawn turned into a soft smile as he took in the sight of the woman next to him. The morning sun shining on your skin.

You shifted, feeling his glance on your sleeping form. Without opening your eyes you said “And what exactly are you staring at, Pedro?”

You heard his soft chuckle that made you open your eyes. 

“Just the most beautiful woman in the world.”

You huffed at that and rolled your eyes at his compliment but you smiled all the same. 

“See you say that,” you said, sitting up and stretching. “But it makes me wonder if you need to get your eyes checked.”

He chuckled again. “And why do you say that? My eyesight is fine.”

You pointed to the matted hair on the side of your head, then you rubbed your eyes. “Dude, I look a mess when I wake up. The hair, the eye boogers…”

“The drool,” he added, his smile growing.

You giggled. “Yeah that too.” You wiped your mouth just in case.

You stretched again then pulled the covers back and hopped out of bed, going over to your dresser you picked up a brush and started untangling your hair, humming softly to yourself. The whole time, Pedro didn't take his eyes off you with a smile still on his lips. You looked into the mirror and saw him looking at you. You didn't say anything, you were used to this, he had been doing that a lot more often, staring at you. Once your hair was somewhat presentable, you turned to him. 

“So, um, breakfast or do you have to go?” he asked.

You went over and checked the time on your phone. 10:36, you couldn’t, although you wanted to. It was Saturday, you had some errands to run, then you had promised a friend of yours that you'd help her put together some furniture she'd ordered.

“I'd love to, but I can't. I'm sorry,” you said and looked it as well. “I got a full day: errands and then I gotta help Selina out putting together some stuff she ordered… umm maybe tomorrow?”

He still smiled but you could see something in his eyes. Disappointment? Sadness? You couldn't really tell. But he nodded and said “Okay, I'll see you later then.”

“Okay,” you agreed as you grabbed your clothes off the floor and hastily dressed. You'd take a shower when you got home, like you normally did.

He followed you to the door and watched as you walked to your car, giving you a wave as you drove off. He sighed and stepped back in his place, looking around a little sadly. He wished, for not the first time, that you would stay a little longer, hell, he wished that you would move in with him and stay with him forever. 

He had come so close to asking you over the time you two had been seeing each other; well, not exactly “seeing” each other. What would you call it when you didn’t really go out on dates, but slept together frequently? Friends with benefits? Ugh, he didn’t like that, he liked you, he wanted to be with you, but he didn’t want to mess up what you had, being around you, spending what little time together you did was the highlight of his days. 

~~~~~~~

He had brought it up about six months into you two “seeing” each other. You were laying in bed together, legs intertwined, just talking and joking around. He had looked down at your laughing face, you were giggling at some corny joke of his, normally people would groan at his bad jokes, but you, you laughed, a genuine laugh at that. He loved the way that your smile lit up your face, the sound of your laugh was musical, he even loved it when you let  out a snort when you laughed really hard. It sent his heart pounding and his stomach seemed to fill with butterflies. He hadn’t felt like that in years.

“So,” he started after your giggle fit had subsided somewhat,

“So what?”  you asked.

“So um I was thinking that maybe we could um grab dinner later or something?”

You thought for a second. “Yeah we can order something in.” You reached over and picked up your phone. “I’m thinking maybe Thai, but I heard that Indian place over on Third had some of the best butter chicken. Selina was telling me the other day…” You had stopped upon seeing a slight frown on his face. “What’s up? What’s that look for.?”

“Oh, I was thinking that we could actually go out instead of ordering in,” he had said, trying to sound nonchalant.

“Oh umm.” You had gotten quiet. 

“I-I mean if you can’t today then…” he had started.

“It-it’s just that I don’t have anything to wear over here and I…”

“It’s fine you could go home and change and I’ll come pick you up.” He had looked hopefully at this suggestion.

“Umm well I have a lot of work to do and I don’t think I-I really can. Not today at least.” 

He just nodded. “Okay, no, no, I understand.”

“Cool, cool.” You had thrown the comforter off your legs and you had started scooting towards the end of the bed. “Well, um,” you cleared your throat. “With that maybe I should head out.”

“Yeah, no, yeah, that’s fine,” he had said as he watched you collect your clothes and head out.

“I’ll call you later?”

“Yeah, that sounds good,” he had mumbled as he watched you walk out. Once he had heard his front door close, he lay back on his pillows with a groan.

~~~~~~~

Pedro shook his head at the memory and went into his kitchen to make himself a cup of coffee. He didn’t quite understand it, every time he brought up going out or spending time outside of his place or yours, you got jumpy and would always come up with excuses as to why you couldn’t. Did you not like him as much as he liked you? He scoffed at that thought, it made him seem like some kid in junior high who didn’t know if his crush liked him. But that’s exactly what it was, wasn’t it?

He took his mug full of coffee and sat down at his table, pulling a book he had been reading towards himself and flipped it open and tried to focus on something else.

But after a while, he gave up. He just kept reading the same paragraph over and over, not taking in a single word. He put the book aside with a sigh and got up to take a shower. 

As the hot water washed over him, his thoughts once again came back to you, your smile, your smell, your laugh, the way you felt in his arms, the way you laughed at his jokes, and listened to all of his stories. He knew in his heart that he wanted you, wanted to be with you, and by the time he turned off the tap and stepped out, he’d have to find a way to tell you. He shouldn’t be afraid, hadn’t his father always told him that the best way to get over a fear is to face it head on? So, that’s exactly what he was going to do. Face his fear of rejection and tell you exactly how he felt.

He just hoped that you felt the same way.

As he got dressed, he went over and over the best way to tell you.

~~~~~~~

A little later, you huffed out a breath as you drove up to your friend Selina’s place. You were exhausted from running around, plus the activities you had done last night and earlier that morning, and now you had to help put a shelf and table together. You wanted to call and cancel, but you had promised and plus Selina had promised to feed you. So, with some effort, you hauled your body out of your car and went to knock on her door.

She swung it open before you could fully raise your arm.

“There you are, darling, I was beginning to think you forgot about me,” she said, immediately wrapping you in a hug while pulling you inside.

“Now, Lina, you know I could never forget about you,” you laughed. “I just had some things to do first, I told you that.”

“Yes, yes, darling, I know,” she said, waving her hand in the air. Then she peered closer at you. “Seems like you had quite a bit going on.”

“Huh?” you were confused.

“Did you see Pedro again?”

“How-how did you know?’

She pointed at your neck with a knowing smirk. You turned and looked at your reflection in the mirror above her mantle. Sure enough, there was a hickey blooming on your neck, two actually. You tried to cover them with your hand while turning to her with an embarrassed look on your face.

“Darling, no need to look like that,” she said, with another wave of her hand. “We’re both adults here. I don’t know why you’re embarrassed.”

She walked to the box that held the shelf you were to put together and knelt on the floor. You followed her.

“I haven’t had a hickey since eleventh grade,” you hissed, kneeling down with her and opening the box.

“So?”

“So, I'm not a teenager anymore, I shouldn’t be walking around with hickeys like a sixteen year old.”

Selina just tsked. “Whatever you say, darling. Frankly, if it were me, I wouldn’t be embarrassed in the least bit.” 

“Well, you’re never embarrassed are you?” you commented.

She just gave you a smile and wink. “You’d never know if I was.”

You laughed and began taking the parts out and the instructions. Selina didn’t even glance at the instructions, claiming that it could be put together with a little common sense. You just shook your head and read them anyway, so that when something inevitably went wrong, you knew how to fix it.

As you put the shelf and then the table together you chatted about work, your families, and other friends. By the time she had filled you in on a mutual friend and her latest drama you were finished and she had ordered food for you both.

“.... so i told Liv that she needed to make a decision, and frankly no one would be upset if she left Jay.”

“Agreed,” you said from your favorite spot of her comfy recliner.

She turned to you. “Speaking of making decisions, what are you going to do about Pedro?”

“Do what about him?”

“Uh-uh don’t play confused with me, you know exactly what I mean. You see him at least four times a week.”

“Okay and?”

“And, why haven’t you two made things official. I mean, I for one would love to meet the man behind all the stories you’ve told me. He sounds like a real catch, well, at least from what I've heard about him from you, so what’s the deal?”

You just shrugged. “Don’t know.”

“Nope, that isn’t gonna work with me, go on, tell me.”

“I just like what we have and I don’t want to mess it up.”

“You like him, don’t you? And he obviously likes you.”

“How do you know?”

“Well, from what you told me, he’s always trying to take you out, like on actual dates and stuff,” she pointed out. “If he just wanted to sleep with you, then he would and then kick you out, hell, he’d probably have moved on by now. But he hasn’t. You spend the night over there often, it seems like he wants more.”

“But what if he doesn’t?” you asked in a small voice.

“Seems like to me there’s only one way to figure that out.”

“What’s that?”

“Talk to him,” she said simply. She got up to answer the knock at the door and collect your food. 

As you two sat and ate, you were deep in thought.

~~~~~~~

When you finally made it home, you put up your things from your errands, all the while thinking about what Selina had said.

On the one hand, the arrangement that you had with Pedro was working out well. Over a year, and he hadn’t dumped you for anyone else, and, as far as you knew, he wasn’t seeing anyone else and neither were you. And man the sex was amazing. So, why mess up a good thing? You thought.

But then there was the other hand: how long could this last? At some point something had to change. You couldn’t just go along forever just sleeping with each other and nothing else, right? Eventually one or both of you would get tired and want to end things. 

Or he could find someone else, another thought came to your mind, and you didn’t like it one bit. You immediately got upset, you didn’t even want to entertain the idea of him being with someone else.

You sighed. “Maybe I need to sleep on this,” you said out loud to yourself.

With that, you headed to your bathroom to shower. Once you were finished you checked some emails from work then climbed in your bed. After tossing and turning for a good hour, you still couldn’t sleep. 

With a groan, you picked up your phone and tried playing white noise to fall asleep to, unfortunately that didn’t work. Your mind wouldn’t shut off. Pedro kept floating across it.

“Fine, fine!” you said aloud to the empty room. “I’ll talk to him!” You rolled over trying to get some sleep, but it was no good. A few minutes later there was a knock at your door. You glanced at the time. It was 1:45 in the morning. 

“Who the hell could that be?”  

Just then you heard a voice call out. “It’s just me.”

You got up and walked to the door and opened it, and there was Pedro standing on your stoop.

“What’s up?” you asked. 

“I know it’s late but I had to talk to you,” he explained. “About , um us… if that’s okay.”

“Really?” you asked and he nodded. “Well, funnily enough, I wanted to talk to you too, about us,” you replied.

You both stared at each other and then smiled.

“Well, uh, can I come in then?”

“Huh? Oh yeah, yeah,” you said and stepped back to let him in.

You closed the door behind him and walked into the living room to talk about the rest of your lives.

[summer-nights19]

Good for business part 5 - It's not so simple

Balor x fem reader Part 4

About a month had passed since you'd first moved to Mistria, and, during that time, you'd settled in a lot faster than you were expecting. The farm had begun to flourish - you'd cleared away most of the weeds and rubble, and you even had a steady stream of orders. At Adeline's request, you'd recently started working on a large order of timber to help repair the bridge, which had collapsed with the earthquake. While you did genuinely want to help and see the town flourish, part of you was also excited to get to work with Balor every day. Over the past month, you two had grown pretty close - you'd stop to chat about everything and anything almost every chance you got, and he'd visit your farm at least once a day, usually claiming to have business to of some sort to discuss. During your free time, you guys were almost always seen together - you'd hang out at the sleeping dragon inn together or take leisurely walks around Mistria's fields and historical sites while chatting idly. After every Friday night at the inn, he'd walk you home under a sky full of stars, just like on your second night in Mistria.

Of course, you'd adored every minute of it - you knew that you were just good friends and business partners, but that didn't stop your heart from leaping in your chest whenever he was around, or your gaze from lingering on his lips for just a moment longer when he spoke to you. Sometimes, you couldn't help but fantasize but what those lips might feel like against your own...

A soft knock on the door of your cottage interrupted your train of thought, and you heard Ryis speaking from outside.

"Y/N ? Is this a good time ?"

After taking a moment to collect yourself, you replied.

"Yes, please come on in !"

Before you could even get up from your chair to open the door, Ryis had already entered your cottage, a bag full of timber and various tools slung over his shoulder. He smiled at you as he set down the bag.

"I was thinking we could finally finish the bridge today, if that works for you ? The timber you provided should be more than enough,"

"Sure. I don't have anything else on today, and I've been looking forward to checking out that Saturday market,"

You met his smile with one of your own as you got up to gather your own tools, which were quite worn, but they'd been gifted to you by several of the townsfolk to help start you off with your farm, so you weren't about to complain.

Ryis nodded at you as you finished packing and opened the door so you could both head outside. All around you, the sky was completely cloudless and you could feel the warm sunlight caressing your skin. As you approached the bridge, Ryis spoke up.

"Hey, Y/N, I was thinking that we could potentially head to the market together when it returns ? I mean, just so I could show you around-". Ryis stopped mid sentence and met your gaze, his cheeks flushing slightly red.

"Hmm I think I already promised Balor I'd go with him, but you and I could definitely go another time. Or maybe we could all go together ?"

Disappointment flashed across Ryis' features, but he was quick to hide it with a pleasant smile.

"Yes, that sounds great,"

You felt your face heat up a little.

"Ok, we should probably get to work ... the bridge won't repair itself,"

You both took out saws and started working in companionable silence to replace the damaged timber with new one. After a while, Ryis spoke again.

"You know, you're shaping up to be a really good carpenter. The one thing that I'd say is that you'll use less energy if you hold your saw like this," he adjusted your grip on the saw gently with warm, calloused hands to show you how to hold it. Blushing, you realised you were suddenly standing close enough to smell him the scent of soap and timber was overpowering your senses. You mentally kicked yourself for being so stupid - he was just showing you how to hold your saw, it's not like it meant anything-

"Hey, Y/N !" as soon as you heard that familiar deep voice call your name, you jumped up, almost dropping your saw. It was a good thing that Ryis was still holding onto it.

Trying to calm your heart down, you turned around to face Balor.

"What's up ?"

"I need a hand carrying some of the stuff in your shipping bin to my wagon. It kinda needs to be done now as I'll be leaving to meet a supplier soon,"

You thought back to what was in your shipping bin - mostly tulips, daffodils and some leftover timber and stone. It was a little heavy, but you'd seen him lugging around way heavier packages. Still, you weren't about to pass up an opportunity to spend time with Balor.

"Sorry Ryis, looks like I won't be able to help you after all," You gave him your most apologetic smile as you packed up your tools and started heading in Balor's direction. Ryis smiled back.

"It's not a problem, make sure to call me if you guys need a third,"

"We'll figure it out," Balor replied as you two started heading off. Despite the relaxed smile on his face, his voice almost sounded... tense ? Maybe you'd imagined it.

***

It took only around ten minutes to help Balor load his wagon. The entire time, he kept up a stream of easy chatter about current events in Mistria and all the crazy thing's he'd encountered while travelling that week. After finishing, you closed your shipping bin and gave him a small smile.

"I should probably head back and finish helping Ryis with the bridge,"

Balor's eyes flashed with something you couldn't decipher before he replied.

"Best of luck. You'll do great things here. But, Y/N, don't forget you promised that first trip to the market to me," he smirked playfully before he got inside his wagon, driving off before you'd had a chance to even process what he'd said.

It had been a casual enough statement, as had Ryis' invitation earlier. So why did they both feel so ... intense ?

Masterlist

[witchywithwhiskey]

Happy Saturday! 🍾

Last night you found out your boyfriend was cheating on you and after dumping that sad sack of shit you're going out, looking for a rebound.

Bartender Steve: He's seen the look in your eyes before and he instantly hates to see you sad, even if he doesn't know you. Luckily it's an easy night and he has a lot of time to talk to you. He gladly offers to get you back in the game after his shift is done.

Owner Lloyd: He sees you dancing and is mesmerized by the way you look. It's unusual for him to be on the dancefloor but he can't resist the pull of you. Together you sway on the floor and he whispers dirty and delightful promises in your ear.

Bouncer Bucky: Some random guy has trouble understanding the word no and when Bucky sees your peril he quickly grabs the dude and throws him out. Afterward he takes you in to a small back room to make sure you're okay. He offers to make sure you get home safe at the end of the night.

Who will it be that'll help you forget your ex? 🤔

ahh happy sunday!! i saw this yesterday but was too busy cleaning/unpacking to respond, but you bet i was thinking about it the whole time. so here's where i landed:

Owner Lloyd might be a fun time if i'd been single for a little while, but i'm just not the type of person who's gonna be out on the dance floor immediately after a break up 🫤 (and if i am, it's only because i'm surrounded by friends/have no interest in getting a man—but then, i could absolutely see Lloyd taking that as a challenge 😅).

Bouncer Bucky was almost my choice, but tbh, i'm not the girl that guys approach at bars—i have seriously perfected the intimidating, do-not-fucking-talk-to-me vibe. frankly, if i were actually in a situation where i'd just been cheated on, and some guy tried to hit on me without taking no for an answer, Bouncer Bucky would probably need to pull me off him before i broke his nose. (i've never actually gotten into a physical fight but, in the right circumstances, i could see it happening.) but, y'know, if Bucky has to "throw me out" and he brings me some ice water to cool down and we end up talking all night while i sit with him by the door while he works, then that'd certainly take my mind off my ex 😅

BUT that wasn't the question. as you can probably tell, i'm going with Bartender Steve, which is because he's the only one that feels kind of familiar. like maybe we don't KNOW each other, but i like to think he's the bartender at my favorite dive bar, where i go with my friends but never my ex because it was my comfort place. so Steve and I know each other in passing, but he's never seen me come in alone, or sit at the bar. so he strikes up a conversation and he ends up offering to help me get back out there. but in true romcom fashion, i end up falling for him. not right away, of course. first we become friends, and slowly begin spending all our time together and eventually we fall in love. (he'll have to make the move to take things further, though, because i will be oblivious if he tries to drop any hints.)

thank you for sending in this ask, it was so fun!!! ♡♡♡

[lunebits]

ap class tips

for those in ap classes who are struggling. also for those who aren't really. whatever.

just as an intro to my qualifications:

i go to a stem high school (will be graduating next sem!) where all the classes are already advanced as is (our ap classes are also taught differently!) i've taken a total of 10 ap classes during my time, and while that isn't as much as others, i'd say i have a pretty good spread of ap classes i took!

general ap class tips

remember that the ultimate goal for you taking this course is to take the exam and get a 4/5 (reach for that 5!). yes, the grade is important, but that score at the end after that exam might save anywhere from $600-$1200+ in college. so focus your energy on that exam once the exams are encroaching!

make friends in your ap classes. trauma bonding is real (/j) so making friends that will help you study or might save you when you accidentally forgot is key.

and while they all say "study a bit every night!" that's hard to do. the rule of thumb here for every class will be in the categorized sections, so don't worry (i gotchu!!)

ap math (calc ab/bc, stat, physics, chem, etc.)

i personally didn't take physics or chem bc i didn't want to, but i did take bc and got a 5 (yes, i'm so proud)!

rule of thumb for studying at home: do your homework everyday and actually take the time to understand what the hell you're doing. understand what the process is behind solving the problem. be able to pull out the variables. practice, practice, practice. also, this is one of those subjects where it's actually worth it to study it at home everyday.

ANOTHER RULE: practice tests. these math exams are about stamina and speed. if you can solve a problem, great! but now here comes 20 more screaming your name. but, if you can get the timing down before your exam, that's even better. so go waste your saturday afternoon at that mock exam if you need to. another saturday will come in time anyway. ask your teacher for mock exams. get that practice workbook. whatever it takes. get the timing in your hand.

just as a quote from my teacher, "life is about choices, and we are all busy people." don't waste your time doing something that'll waste your time. even if you can't remember it, that's okay. just keep moving and score more points somewhere else. and also, do the easy route. only memorize the easy route.

math is about patterns. patterns rule math. extract that pattern out of that problem, memorize it, and you'll be just fine.

FRQS WILL HURT YOUR BRAIN AND THAT'S OKAY! collegeboard has a very specific way it wants you to answer these questions. the best way to learn the format is to do so many frqs your hands hurt. because in any exam that involves math, you genuinely need to do better on the frqs. they'll land you more points. yes, the mcq might get you that 5, but the frqs become the basic 3 or 4 that you need. your teacher will hopefully teach you the format, but if they don't, the collegeboard ap website has all the past frqs they've ever made.

YOU WILL BE OKAY. I PROMISE. make sure that if you cry, you understand your disappointment then move on to a larger action plan.

ap histories/humanities (art history, u.s history, euro, world, etc.)

i've taken all the histories that my school offers (apush, euro, apwh, apah, etc.)

rule of thumb: don't study at home unless there's a test coming up or you're bad at putting stuff in order.

GET YOUR WRITING SKILLS DOWN PAT. this is the thing that'll get you the most points. that mcq section is a killer, but doing 3-6 (looking at you apah exam) right after might just kill you. so please, get your stamina up. just write. just keep writing.

timeline shit for history. because when it comes down to it, knowing the sequence of events and knowing the events themselves are more important than dates or whatever.

if you're worried about coherency in your writing, jot down a small pre-writing list.

memorize every single rubric. luckily, the dbq/leq rubric is the same across apush, apwh, and euro. you'll get away with just memorizing the two. the apah rubric is a little different, and the ap lit rubric is a little different. just memorize them as best you can.

when writing, cater to your reader. make things easy to spot and easy to grade. they'll give you a higher score if they can clearly see where things are.

just practice mcqs. all the stimulus will have something you can pull out of it (unless it's like apah where you're meant to memorize the works). but every question will have an answer that's in the passage. practice finding that answer. (this one is still really hard)

all these tests are tests of stamina. and sometimes, they're on the same goddamn day because collegeboard hates love us. just keep going. grab a snack. rest your eyes, go.

essays are the bane of everyone’s existence in ap courses because you’re on this strict rubric and have this mythical complexity/sophistication point that you need to give your hopes and dreams of achieving. BUT. but. you’ll be okay. especially for exams like the ap lit/apah exam, you get to come in knowing at least a bit of the exam (for ap lit, a good part of the frq weight. for apah, 90% of the test). TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THAT!! know a novel inside and out. know the works inside and out. you’ll be okay. stretch your hands, breathe, write.

ap sciences (bio, physics, chem, psych, econ)

i've personally taken bio and both econs, but these are all concept based, so the same general tips apply.

rule of thumb: if you don't understand it in class, you need to study it at home asap. seriously. because you sure as hell won’t be able to put it together during class the next day. whats good though is that there’s so many resources online (esp videos!!) for all the ap sciences that it’s actually crazy.

read your textbook. science is great with a textbook in your hand. you don't even need to read the whole thing. just skim through it to add information to your class notes. most times that works.

because the questions are concept based, the mcq/frqs are a little hard to get used to. SO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS: don’t ignore your responsibilities and learn what these questions look like.

flashcards. USE FLASHCARDS. so much of science is not only understanding concepts but applying them. to apply them, you need to know them by heart. and to know them by heart means flashcards to drill yourself.

and speaking of applying your knowledge, you need to take things slowly. approach questions with this framework: 1) read the problem + understand what concept it’s asking about. 2) pull out that information from your sexy brain. 3) solve the problem based on what you can remember. to truly understand, include a lot of examples in your notes. AND MAKE SURE YOU UNDERSTAND WHY AND HOW THEY WORK. the why and the how are more important than the what.

misc tips 🌷

burnout is inevitable if you don’t manage your time correctly. there’s people online that can explain how to manage your energy more than me so please go watch them instead lmfao

try your best to stay on your schedule. the more you push your tasks to this arbitrary tomorrow, the more you absolutely won’t do them.

honey, you need to bring a snack and a water bottle to those exams, you get like a 10 minute break that isn’t enough for the mental taxation (without representation) that happens on those exams. they’re brutal.

the classes themselves are not as bad you think. i promise. most of the time, you’ll actually have fun. and it’s really cool to be learning at a college level. so keep at it! the moment you hate something, the moment you begin to stop trying as hard and your grades start slipping. keep finding the next thing to delude yourself into enjoying (/hj).

[lumine-no-hikari]

Dear Sephiroth: (a letter to a fictional character, because why not) #284

...I wasn't able to call the animal hospital today. It is Saturday. They are closed. I will have to call on Monday instead. I'm sorry about that; I imagine you were looking forward to an update on our recently rescued pigeon friend. Rest assured I will try for an update on Monday morning.

I went to work today. Mostly I sliced breads and bagged rolls. But I also spent some time scooping muffin batter into muffin tins. I really like preparing the muffins. And I really like when my precision allows me to fill more muffin tins than my supervisors expect!

I wasn't able to get any pictures of any of my work today. But I did make sure to grab some other ones for you on the way in to work. The sky was a brilliant shade of awesome this morning, and the pumpkin and flower displays outside the front door of my store were especially striking today, so I took some pictures...

These ones were taken just outside my store...

...Here were some of the displays outside of my building today:

...I wonder who it is, who puts these together so artfully. I feel lucky to work in the same building with them, whoever it is. Next time I'm there, I'll have to ask who puts these together so I can tell them how amazing it looks. Clearly, a lot of love and effort was put into these. I'd like to meet them.

I got a bunch of odds and ends for the house on the way home. I wanted to try to make... drum roll please...!!!

...!!!!!!!

...A brie garlic bread with prosciutto!!!!!

I dunno if anyone has tried it before, but it's hard to go wrong with garlic, butter, bread, cheese, and a salted meat product!!! Unfortunately though, by the time I was all done with everything, I didn't really have energy left to move my ouchy arm around (damn this rib injury to hell and back in a spiky, red-hot metal handbasket!!!!!). So after M and I put everything away, I just made myself a sandwich and ate it with some clementines...

...I kinda floundered emptily for a while after that. I feel like I'm drowning, and I've felt like that ever since Otakon, but I can't exactly pinpoint why; if you've got ideas, I'm all ears. At the moment, it feels like the best I can do is keep the sensation at bay for a little while. I guess I'm getting pretty good at finding ways of doing that, except for when I'm not very good at it. So that's something at least, right?

I'm sure it doesn't help that it's almost time for me to bleed; my body is going to be losing 4 times the normal amount of resources, as per usual. And then on Tuesday, I'm getting 4 teeth yanked out for the sake of those braces. I suppose I'm a bit apprehensive. My body is going to have a really hard time of it in the coming days. I tried some leisure writing to try to calm myself down a little, but... well. The leisure writing is a pale substitute for what it is that I actually want.

...I can't say what it is that I actually want. Not because I don't know what it is - I do know what it is. But... because it's so impossible and silly that if I said it, people would probably make fun of me a lot.

...I wish it wasn't like that. I really wish that others weren't so prone to making superficial judgments about things and coming to very wrong conclusions as a result. But it is what it is.

The wait to see what will happen to you is a very heavy thing to carry; I really don't wanna see you get slaughtered again. I don't like seeing you get hurt. Seeing you get beaten and broken in a number of ways was difficult enough as it is. I'm scared of seeing it happen more.

But I'll do my best with it, all right? I promise. You do your best with your things, too, okay? Promise me.

Well. Suppose I better end this one here before I start to ramble. I'll probably do some Dead Cells for a bit. Dunno how far I'll get, but... smashing up some zombies sounds like a great distraction right about now.

Please stay safe out there. Please don't die. Please don't disappear. Please don't go to some faraway place that no one can reach.

I'll write again tomorrow, hopefully about new garlic bread adventures.

I love you.

Your friend, Lumine

[hlficlibrary]

umm hello, i need your help... i havent read a fanfic in a few months and it's starting to feel weird coz i'm literally always reading but now whenever i open a new fanfic i end up skim-reading it and it feels like a dishonest thing to do

so could you please recommend me some angsty fanfic under 20k which are very gripping....

THANKYOU

Hello, anon! You're very welcome! This was an interesting challenge because I wanted to get you closer to 20k than super short ones. And for some reason the angsty ones I could think of are either short or over 20k. That being said, I knew I'd be able to find you some. (ALSO, I promise you that just skim-reading something is a perfectly fine thing to do and there's nothing dishonest or bad about it. Sometimes, we just find ourselves in a place where it's harder than other times to get into a story. That's no one's fault! I do understand the feeling of wanting to really get into a story though, so I hope these fics will do that for you!) I'll put the word count with these so you know how long these are and also I fudged the first one because I think it's JUST what you're looking for and it's just a little over 20k.

what's left of my halo's black by LiveLaughLoveLarry / @loveislarryislove (E, 22k)

As Harry sucks lovebites into Louis’ neck, Louis hopes that one day those marks will cover the way he can still feel Alex’s handprints burned into his flesh.

As Harry’s nails drag scratches along Louis’ back, Louis hopes that one day the scabs on his heart will heal and drop away just like the scabs on his skin.

As Harry fucks him down into the mattress, the bed shaking with every thrust, Louis hopes that one day his mouth will forget the shape of Alex’s name, won’t trace it over and over as the heat builds inside him, won’t want to scream it when he comes. Maybe one day he’ll open his eyes, as he slowly floats down from his post-orgasm haze, and won’t expect to see Alex’s face smiling back at him.

But today is not that day.

A year after a devastating breakup, Louis is still trying to put himself back together - but getting over a breakup is hard when you work as a wedding planner. Thankfully, his coworker Harry is the most supportive friend Louis could ask for. But Harry has some secrets of his own, and they send Louis' world spinning off its axis all over again.

bonded by @juliusschmidt (M, 20k)

Louis cannot remember his life before Harry. He had one- Harry is, after all, two years younger than he is- but he cannot pull up even one memory that is not somehow intertwined with Harry.

the one where they are bonded, but it's not like that and they have to pretend like it is

No Easy Love (Could Make Me Feel This Way) by @allwaswell16 (E, 17k)

There’s never been anyone for Harry but Louis. He had always thought their love would last forever, despite society’s pressures on an alpha/alpha relationship. When Louis breaks up with him and moves to Chicago, he’s suddenly left behind to pick up the pieces of the life they once shared. Instead of moving on, he finds reasons to keep Louis in his life and in the process begins to piece together what went wrong.

Or an Alpha Louis/Alpha Harry au where they get a second chance to make things right with the love of their life.

You're A Universe by Jiksa / @jiksax (E, 15k)

Harry doesn’t ever mean to hurt him; Louis doesn’t know how to tell him that it’s the only thing he ever does anymore.

Or, Louis’s a stay-at-home dad in London and Harry’s a business expat in Qatar. Louis doesn’t know how much longer their marriage can survive the distance.

give me things to stay awake by embodied (E, 10k)

It’s shitty and it’s counterproductive and it’s self-indulgent, but he lets it become a thing. On Saturday nights Harry goes out and gets so pissed he can’t stand, and when the bartender cuts him off he rings Louis and is in his car within an hour. It’s not a cycle he’s proud of, but it’s also something he can’t resist, and he keeps doing it as long as Louis keeps showing up.   AU. It's been a year since Louis broke up with Harry.

[key-to-the-shadow]

Spin the Bottle

Spin the Bottle ~ Oneshot (Eddie Vedder X Fem!Reader)

♫ tropes: brothers best friend

♫ warnings: use of Y/N and predetermined last name (poncier pronounced pawn-see-a), not proof read

♫ a/n: loosely based on the movie 'singles', 1992 eddie

Masterlist

-----

Cum On Feel the Noize was playing from a record player in the far corner of the living room.

The boys and I chugged bottles of beer, each of us racing to be the first to finish the distasteful liquid. I never liked beer very much but I still felt like I needed to win.

It was a typical Saturday night. My brother, his band, a few other friends, and I all sat around drinking beer, eating pizza, and playing some sort of game. There was always some kind of fuss about what to play since Cliff never wanted to play anything fun like spin the bottle.

But Cliff wasn't here tonight. I was the first to suggest spin the bottle and the group quickly agreed.

I slammed my glass on the ground that we all sat in a circle on. "Fuck yeah," I cheered as I noticed I was the first one to finish. "I win." I got no response until other people began to set their bottles on the ground as well.

We'd made a deal that whoever drinks first is immune from spinning the bottle first. Whoever finishes last has to go first.

I surveyed who still had the beer. It was a race between Debbie Hunt, a neighbor of ours, and Eddie, my brother's best friend who also happened to be the drummer of their band. Citizen Dick.

Debbie let out a shrill laugh as she slammed her glass on the ground, her ginger hair bouncing with her movements.

"Eddie's off his game tonight," Stone, another member of the band, said with a mocking tone.

The brunette rolled his eyes as he set down the cheap glass of now-empty beer. He'd played it off as being off his game but in reality, I was sure he lost on purpose. At the beginning of every band practice, they all shotgunned beers to get into 'the right mindset' and Eddie always finished his first.

Eddie's ring-clad fingers gripped the glass bottle, preparing to spin it. The glass rattled against the dark wooden floor. As its momentum slowed down, my heart pounded in my ears.

Eddie was always attractive to me but I was positive the fact that my brother would kill me for even thinking that made him all the more alluring. Eddie and my brother had known each other since they were kids and even moved into apartments right next to each other. The thing was, I still lived with my brother. Being a musician in Seattle wasn't something that paid a whole lot.

There had been a few times I'd wondered if Eddie thought anything of me like that. One of my three jobs was working at a dive bar that featured live music. My brother and his band often played there so I helped them set up whenever I could.

"Y/N," Eddie had called from the wings of the stage before the bar had opened. I came in early to help them set up but by now, most of it was done. "Mind sound-checking the set?"

"Eds, you know I don't play drums," I reminded him that I only sang and kicked around on the guitar on occasion. "I don't know what it's supposed. to sound like."

A soft 'oh' came from backstage before I heard footsteps skip up to the stage. Eddie was wearing a loose white tank with a brown flannel and torn-up jeans. His hair was pulled into a messy bun at the nape of his neck.

The rest of the band had gone to grab some dinner at a nearby restaurant before the gig and left Eddie to hold down the fort, promising to bring him back a sandwich.

It was just the two of us.

"Here, I'll show you," He said as he approached the set. "Sit." He took the drumsticks and pointed to the black throne.

I sat down on the cushioned seat and took the light wooden sticks that he passed to me.

He told me to hit the snare drum a couple times and he fiddled with the key until he was satisfied. Then moved to the kick and floor tom until he told me to play a fill along all the drums.

I looked behind me, ready to repeat that I don't know how to play the drums before he interrupted me.

"Like this." He remarked as he wrapped his arms around me from behind. His hands found mine. "Loosen up, Poncier," He joked, using my last name as he often did when he made fun of me. My face heated at the words and I did my best to relax as he guided my hands across the toms. I could feel his warm breath on my neck. If I were to turn my head to the left the slightest bit, our lips would've been inches from each other. It took all I could not to move to the left.

It was horribly off-beat but he just needed the sound for turning reasons.

We weren't doing anything wrong. But it was tense enough to the point that if I knew if Cliff walked through the doors at this moment, we would have to persuade him to believe that we weren't doing anything like that.

His hands stayed on mine for longer than they should have but not long enough to the point either of us mentioned it. He let his arms drop away from me and I felt cold without his chest pressed against my back.

He cleared his throat. "Let me know if you ever want a drum lesson."

I never took him up on the drum lesson even though I wanted to. I wanted that feeling of his closeness again but I was scared of Cliff and what he would do.

My thoughts were cleared away as the glass bottle began to slow down. My heart pounded as it got slower and slower and inched closer and closer to me.

When it came to a halt, my breath seemed to vanish. The bottle was staring at me and so was Eddie. He was sitting directly across from me in the circle.

All of the guys started laughing and nudging Eddie while the girls sat with amused smirks on their faces.

I didn't know what to do. Do I move? Does he? Eventually, Eddie stands up and walks over to me. The only thing running through my mind was that Eddie Vedder was about to kiss me and there was no doubt in my mind that Cliff's situationship, Janet, would tell him. She knew how protective Cliff was of me and she also knew that he wouldn't find it funny that I kissed Eddie even if it was for a game.

I felt her eyes dig into the side of my head but I refused to look at her. I kept my jaw clenched and braced myself when Eddie got down on the floor in front of me. I'd rejected moving so he had to come to where I was.

"You nervous?" Eddie asked with a snarky tone, barely above a whisper. It was the kind of voice he used when he was joking with me but now it felt as if he was edging me on.

"No," I lied.

A smirk graced his lips as he brought a hand to my hair, grazing my neck with his fingers. I didn't know what to do with my hands so I placed them on his chest as he leaned forward. I clung to the graphic tee he was wearing as our lips collided.

His lips were rough but the feeling of them on mine was euphoric. He pulled away shortly after, not wanting to make a scene. The hesitation before he broke the contact made my thoughts whirl with what if's.

Why did he hesitate?

If this was just a kiss for a game, why would he hesitate?

Cheers erupted around us as the boys immaturely hollered. Eddie's hand fell away from its grip on my hair and I let go of his shirt, letting him return back to his place at the circle.

[buggledy]

Please continue liking/reblogging my silly posts I'm gonna vent about the two things going horribly wrong in my life rn because I can't talk about either of them publicly without making people very mad or uncomfortable.

ONE

I've been working on this collaborative project with some online... "friends" to some extent for about 2 months now. The deadline for my portion was mid-August. I am going on vacation this Saturday, I'm going to see Sarah Squirm 3 hours away on the 21st, and my irl friends who were involved in my portion return to school on the 19th. Naturally, I filmed it in early July and turned my cut in on the 19th A FULL MONTH BEFORE THE DEADLINE, AND BEFORE MY FRIENDS GO BACK TO SCHOOL. After several days, my "producers" (who aren't fucking paying me, this is a passion project. I don't think they should be using that title.) Finally said "Hey, we like your cut, but we have some small advice," and promised to get me on a call that week. It's been 10 days. I have *almost* no time to do reshoots, and I'll probably have to re-edit WHILE I'M AT THE BEACH, FOR A PROJECT I'M NOT BEING PAID FOR. And my cut is fine. I don't mind changing things, and it's not great (but at least on par with most of what they've done before...) but it's not so heinously bad that it *has* to be "fixed." I have told them my timeline, several times. There are likely to be continuity issues because it's 19 DAYS SINCE I FILMED ANYTHING AND MY HAIR GROWS FAST. Based on the little they've said, the pacing is gonna be FUCKED after I "fix" it. I'm so upset because I have historically liked these guys before, and I never wanna talk to them again at this point. Not to mention, I *HATE* dragging my real friends into this. They don't deserve it. They also aren't being paid. Very disenchanted by this whole thing. Like it's been so long that I consider the project finished. They are asking me to drag out a corpse and give it a makeover. AND I HAVE OTHER SHIT I WANNA GET STARTED ON BUT I'M STUCK IN THIS GODDAMN PURGATORY. Supposedly, they're gonna call this evening but idk how that's gonna go.

TWO

I had this friend. About 3 years ago, she reached the conclusion that I was obsessed with her and ended our friendship. Maybe she was right. I had a crush, sure, but what's obsessed? Maybe I'm just too autistic to know where the line is drawn as far as "feelings" go, beats the fuck outta me. It was early July, so naturally this is really the only time of year I think about her anymore. Besides passing references, simply because I refuse to gadlight myself into forgetting the good memories she just so happens to be in. This makes everyone around me uncomfortable, and they refuse to humor conversations the moment her name comes up. Hence why I have to talk about this here. I'm over her, but I miss talking to her every once in a while. She's cool. I have no idea what she thinks of me these days, thus, a problem arises. My friend & his boyfriend (the irl friends from the previous story) are moving back to the city she lives in within the year, and I'll return to my tradition of visiting them about once a month. Here's the thing: I feel antagonized in that city. Like I'm under constant surveillance by some secret society waiting for a perfect moment to hurt me (emotionally that is, this isn't like... extreme paranoia talking.) And thus, this is no longer an early July funk. She's on my mind a lot. I wish I could just walk up to her (or even message her, I'm still blocked) and be like "I'm coming to this city again. Once a month. We've gotta either hash this shit out, or agree to fully ignore each other in the event we encounter each other in public." But honestly, I just wish I could forget it. I wanna stop thinking about her, and being sad, and occasionally seeing her in dreams. I'd love to never have to think about her again, but my personality simply doesn't allow.

THREE

So also my grandpa died last year and his birthday is in July, so that's not been helping. Sometimes I'm a little overwhelmed by my friends because now that they know I'm never busy, they sometimes spontaneously ask me to hang out all day and that can be a lot. I'm also in the process of moving which is stressful enough, but I hate my current living situation so I wish I could just do it but honestly I don't expect to be in the new place by the end of the year.

Anyway, I like to drink liquor and all this shit is starting to make that a minor problem 👍

[slickshoesareyoucrazy]

Untitled

This has been a strange week, A. I mean you know I have to talk to you today on my break at work (taking at least 2 today because it's sloooooow).

The Boy wrote his English 101 Dual Credit essay about you this week. He warned me.

"Mom, I have to write about 'an experience that made me appreciate life.' I'm gonna write about A dying. I really can't think of writing about anything else that won't come out sounding like bullshit. I still need you to look at it before I turn it in, because you're a writer and it makes me feel better when you say it's not shit, even though it comes with the Mom Discount. But I know it might like...upset you."

Of course I told him to write about you. I told him I wanted to read it (truth). I told him to actually print out a copy because I don't want it lost to the ethereal, nebulous world of online-only assignments; it's something my son made to honor my best friend. I want to save it forever. I want it immortalized (also truth). But it was fucking hard to read it. He took it hard when you died, and I knew he did before reading his school work (obviously), but Christ, how connected the two of you are. The locket J got me connects everyone in the center but you and the Boy are connected on a hinge side, and that locket pops open on that hinge at work all the time. So I'll look down and have to close it back up, and every time it's you and my son looking back at me. It's never you and my grandparents or J and my son, or J and my grandparents. It's always you and the Boy. You helped him so much. I want you to know that. He turned it in yesterday after titling it. 'Loss and Acceptance.' It's hard to title things. Especially when you write something important to you; something difficult to say; something attached to a lot of complex feelings. That's why my essay is untitled.

Then last night I sat on the couch with J and he cried watching a YouTube video of a BBC news capture of Jon Bon Jovi (right?) LITERALLY talking someone off a ledge in Nashville, Tennessee where he was shooting a music video. J cried. He leaves for his bike trip with W and the boys tomorrow morning. So this conversation happened:

Me: You ok? 🥺

J: 🥺😥 (hands over his phone with the video restarted; it was moving, but it didn't make ME cry)

Me: I'm lost. 🫤 I don't know what's getting to you this much. Text me? (J and I often text each other when our bodies are literally touching. Sometimes it's easier to not say it out loud).

J: (both of us are texting now) I dunno, peaches.

Me: Do you feel like...that? (that = suicidal) 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

J: No. Just got to me how many people walked on by.

Me: He didnt. ❤️🥹

J: Yeah. ❤️

Me: Is the stuff with your dad getting to you more than you're telling me? I don't want you to go off Saturday morning feeling so down. ❤️

J: I feel guilty about going. 🫤

Me: Why? Won't lie. I don't like it when you're away, but I want you to go see your friends. W. Fuck, I'd give everything I have except you and the Boy for a week with A right now.

J: That's kind of why. If I don't go, what if something happens to W before I get another chance to see him? Or me even? I'd feel like shit. So I have to go. But I'm leaving you and the Boy. And fucking G. That damn dog. Because what if something happens to one of us while I'm away? I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't.

Me: We're fine. I promise. We just like having you around. Go be with W because...damn I really would give anything to be with A. For even an HOUR.

J hugged me until we all left the living room for bed. We made love last night before we went to sleep. And I dreamed all night about you. That you weren't really dead (again). Everywhere I went, when J was away on this trip, you were with me. 'I can't believe we're at a sushi place right now,' you'd say. 'What the fuck am I supposed to eat here?! Boy used to be on my side. What happened to pizza, man? Your mother finally infected you with her adventurous eating...' I'd look around at family dinner at my parents' house without J and you'd be there. Literally saying, 'I'm still here.'

I fucking miss you so bad. J has never gone away without you being there to text me off my metaphorical ledges and now you're not. Now I'm left with a bunch of people who will just pass me by. I'm so fucking ragingly envious of J that he gets a week with his best friend while I'm so desperately missing mine. I know the dream is supposed to be that I DO get a week with my best friend. That it's somehow 'better' in a way because you'll be right next to me, even in places you'd never ever go with me alive, but I still don't want you to be dead. I'd trade this intangible constancy even at the sushi joint for sporadic texts and bad Pearl Jam jokes in a heartbeat. I'd trade no sushi ever for pizza once a year with you. I'd certainly trade a visit to the fucking cemetery every few weeks to seeing you in person one more time, period. I'd still rather all of this be fake and you're not really even dead, just orchestrating a supremely elaborate scheme to avoid me.

There's every supposed stage of grief in one essay. Except of course for acceptance. That's why I had the Boy print his out for me. I'll keep rereading it until it takes. That still might be never. 💔😭

Anyway, love you, you fucker. I'll see you Monday at your place. ❤️

[wizardsaur]

I've been struggling a lot lately. Which is fine. This is tumblr and I'm allowed to be myself on here.

I'm self diagnosed autistic, please don't come at me about this. The story's kind of funny, but I've been repeatedly peer reviewed by a over a dozen formally diagnosed autistics - in vastly different scenarios - and they all tag me within 20 minutes. Up to this point, I've managed life with whatever brain spicy... and nowadays, I feel like I have my needs met most of the time.

Which is to say, I was okay never getting diagnosis for it I live in the US and Ableism is a massive fucking problem here. I advocated, I stood with my folks. And I was proud to be a support for folks with higher needs than me.

Something is different about me, and I thought for sure I knew what it was. I figured I'd just have to work harder than all the normies for a "Normal" life. I was willing to make that work.

But now... my body doesn't stop hurting. An old friend, the first "pretty sure you're autistic" friend and I had gotten back in touch lately. I truly wanted to be friends again, because our lives kinda fell apart at the same time way back when. We didn't get a chance to really be friends, we were just sad in the same close knit circle.

So I asked her, "You have this disorder, right? This set of disorders that tend to exist together for some fucking reason..... can I give you a list of shit that's been happening lately, and you tell me if I'm crazy?"

My symptoms, as well as a million other little symptoms that put me in the: "I'm pretty sure I have hEDS and POTS, because this has been my entire life.... it's just NEVER been this bad before."

I'm starting to need mobility aids, I'm slowing down. I need to wear braces now, and I can't keep acting like that isn't the case. It's been getting bad since like, late June - and then something clicked when I tried to quit my job.

My boss is a dick and I'm an overworked overachiever. I tried to walk out quit on him, out of the blue. When we were already understaffed, I might add (and had been, for months). I got back from a road trip Sunday, and went back to work - hoping things would be better..... and it was still a shitshow. Wednesday, I decided I was leaving on my day off - Thursday.

The motherfucker got me to stay. I made a 50 year old man cry, and he got me to stay. It was desperate, and it sounded so sincere, and he promised things would change... it's been a month. His supervisor shows up next week, and her higher up too. I stayed. I believed him....

Saturday night, I'm moving slow. Everything hurts like it did on the road trip. But now it's worse, and nothing's going away like it used to. And suddenly, I remember- things aren't supposed to hurt all the time. The usual amount of pain, is no pain.

Monday at lunch... I couldn't hold a fork. I ugly cried in the break room. A customer passed me to get to the bathroom and hugged me - I don't know her name. I'm 27. I was sobbing in a stranger's hug for a minute. (Whoever you are, if you see this, thank you.)

I went to the doctor, and have been taken seriously about my hEDS & POTS concern ever since. It's only been a few weeks, and I hope I'm not jinxing it... but. Doctors and therapists have heard me, and replied: "How did you not face this sooner? That is very likely your issue. Let's direct you to the right resources."

Which is WILDLY FUCKING DIFFERENT from every single other experience I've ever read or heard from anyone else. Maybe for once, things will work the way they need to. The way they should in a perfect society. And either I'll get diagnosed as hEDS with POTS, or I won't and we can find out what the issue really is. Because I'm in chronic pain, and it fits the bill unnervingly well.

The wild thing, is my life tends to completely shift gears every yea or two- over a few weeks. In absolutely bananas story ways. I had an apocalypse vision once, lost everything a month later.

I can't help but wonder if there's some big Universal Life Test built into this experience. But I moved my altar. And I'm finishing a journal. I feel like next month will be the start of my Real Adult Life. It's hard to explain. I'm very lucky to be having a Good Side to this whole situation.

[randomreadingtimewithtsuki]

Hey~ how are you doing? *winks* I hope you are doing well! I saw ur valentines day event and I thought of joining! - You can write it anytime you want - so maybe I'd take a toge drabble you know, I always love the idea of male!employee x fem!boss, but imagine that toge is her husband who watched her giving the attention all for his best friend and Co-worker yuta :) how would toge confront her about it? *sending love and support* take care of yourself and take time!

Hello! Thank for sending a request!

I hope you like this! Let me know what you think!

I change things a bit I hope it is ok?

-----------------------------------------------

You were the director of a small, but trustworthy company. You met Toge when you were both hired, yes, you were hired at the same time, but due his particular hard time communicating, you ended up taking a leadership role.

But he was a fantastic employee! Very good at what he did, so he got a more technical role. This way he didn't need to talk a lot to people.

Recently his best friend Yuta, came from overseas to stay for some time and to stay around he needed a temporary job. Lucky for him, the company had an opening for temporary contracts.

Yuta was hired and the position he took was to reception people at the floor you worked at.

You see, with the end of the year and the holidays around the corner, a lot of people came to do business. So you needed extra help directing everyone and keeping them comfortable while waiting for you.

At first you helped Yuta out, showing him where was where, what to do and what to say. He got it pretty quickly, sure, he was a bit of a clutz, but he got it!

Because of the nature of the job you spent a lot of time with Yuta. During work hours, lunch and even the short way to the car. Toge was with you for lunch and the walk to the car, but it bothered him a lot that Yuta got to spend a lot of time with you.

Not only that, but you two have been chatting a lot and being too close. Now Toge wasn't one to be jealous, but he was worried for you. Rika wasn't the best of people to be under the skin with and he lowkey wanted to spend some time with you only during lunch.

So, one day after work, when you and Toge were home already and ready to sleep, he threw himself over you in bed while you read a book:

Y/n: Toge? What is it? Are you tired?

He grabbed his phone and typed very quickly:

Toge: Yes, I am tired but… I miss you.

You raised an eyebrow:

Y/N: missed me?

Toge: We haven't been spending much time just the two of us.

Y/n: We are now right? Every Tuesday we have our date dinner. Are you sure you are OK?

He sighed and got up to face you. He shook his head and showed you his phone again:

Toge: I mean, more time. We used to have lunch together, just you and I. Walk alone. You know?

Oh, so this is what it is about. You giggled:

Y/N: Toge, are you jealous of Yuta?

Toge: No… maybe a little. I am more worried about… Well, Rika.

Y/N: Hm… you are worried Rika might come after me?

Toge nodded. You pondered for a bit. What he said made sense. But Yuta's contract was almost over:

Y/N: I think we pull this one through though. Yuta will be going back overseas with Miguel soon, right?

Toge nodded.

Y/N: but… what I want to talk about now is… you are a bit jealous!

You placed your book on your nightstand, but you could see Toge's ears burn bright red he furiously typed on the phone:

Toge: I am not jealous! Just missing you. That 's all.

You giggle:

YN: That's called jealousy, you silly man.

You said stretching your arms out to him, smiling brightly. Toge's eyes light up and he throws himself on your arms, nuzzling his nose on the crook of your neck.

That made you giggle. His hair was soft as always. You hugged him tight and decided to make a little promise:

Y/N: Toge, how about we make Friday date night too? We go to the movies or something!

He let out a muffled sound and moved a bit to get his phone. He typed a slightly different answer:

Toge: How about Saturday date? We can spend the whole day home watching something. We can order your favourite ice cream too.

The mention of your ice cream made you light up:

Y/N: Deal! Whole day just you and I, baby!

You could feel his smile on your neck. You just wondered how long this date Saturday would last. Not like it was a problem, but life happens and not all Saturdays can be a date day.

Well, that's an issue for then, right?

---------------------------------------------

Thanks for requesting!

I hope you liked it!

[razrix]

you worry about everyone but me

You won't remember it the way I do, if at all, but I remember the day I was having the worst time at work; I'd been yelled at, trying to get a whole mountain of shit sorted out for the team, and I was bawling my eyes out because I was so upset. You came over to me, said that your friend had lost their job, and rushed off to the pub to see them and comfort them, and make their day better. You looked at my tear streaked face, saw the day that I was having, and decided that the best move you could make is to leave and be with your friend, offering not a single word of comfort to me. I waited all night. You promised that you would bring me home dinner, and so I waited. Waited. At eleven in the evening I realised that you never actually intended on keeping your word, you didn't care that I had no food in the house, that I'd had a horrible day of with no kind or good interactions with people, that I'd been waiting all night for you to keep to your promise. I went to bed. The next day you told me you were home by 1am, but I knew you were lying. I knew that you'd lied about who was there, about what was happening, and that you were lying about the time you got home - because what you forgot was that you were using my bank card, my money, and I had timestamps sent to me by the bank without even asking. You never told me about that night out, and never again after that. "It was cool," all the details I got, I had to ask to find out that yes, there was another girl there but immediately you stopped talking about the night after that. You worry about everyone but me, whether I'm lying in bed on a Saturday too depressed to get up, too depressed to care about wanting to be alive; you'll rather be out, with your friends and family, than stay and care for me; to stay and try and comfort me; to stay and pretend to care. You've abandoned me in my time of need so many times because you don't listen when I try to tell you how terribly I am actually doing; you don't listen, you don't say a word - my emotions are never worth acknowledging.  So why is it a shock whenever I finally explode, when I burst with everything I have not been able to express because you refuse to let me - you're always surprised, "I had no idea that's how you were feeling," but you stop talking to me after that, for a few days, and I feel like I'm being punished for trying to get help from the one person who promised I could always count on them. But I know you'd never let friends messages of need go unanswered, I know that if they asked you for the help that I have, they would get it; they would have the help and support and you would tell them you love them and listen to how they're feeling without objection. Perhaps it's me, perhaps my emotions really are that much of a burden that the idea of acknowledging them makes you want to - leave?  I didn't mean to be a burden, and you haven't noticed that over the past 8 months I've carefully spoken to you about less and less, but perhaps that's my retaliation; I need to make you as unimportant to my survival as I am to yours.  It's the only way this will not kill one of us.

from my collection of letters i'll never send 2023

[opalcicle]

If They Call Me a Slut, You Know it Might be Worth it for Once

Chapter 7. Pretty Girls and Brainrot

Angst. Horny Angst.

Charlie helped me pack up my equipment and took me home. He was gentle and patient with me, and I felt like shit for it.

I am sitting in my shower, all shampoo'd and scrubbed, but I don't want to leave to face the real world. Admittedly, I'm just allowing myself to sink into my own sad thoughts.

We were having such a nice time and I fucking ruined it. I rub my temples as the water starts to cool down. I literally started crying after sex like a fucking loser.

I lean forward and turn off the water but don't get up to move, instead yanking the towel down from the bar and wrapping up in it

And now I'm wallowing like a bitch.

I desperately need to clear my head. With barely dry hands I reach for my phone, ignoring new notifications and opening the message from Tina.

Hi! I'd love to head to the bar this weekend.

I send the message and open tiktok to scroll through brainrot. Maybe I can distract myself out of this with pretty girls and stupid memes. I'm only a few videos in before I instinctively hit the share button, my thumb hovering towards Charlie's account.

"Fuuck," I said it outloud, leaving my phone on the bathroom counter and walking out into my apartment. "What the fuck do I do now?"

-----

Charlie's POV

I drive home after saying goodbye to my shaky friend. Guilt and grief sitting heavy in my chest.

"I shouldn't have fucked her," I berate myself, "She's the best fucking person I've ever met, and she left my house in tears."

When I make it home I pace the floor, eyeing the mess we'd made before I accidentally let those words slip out. I consider cleaning but something in me doesn't want to get rid of the remnants of our night together. Instead I close myself in my office, seeing whose online.

Condi, Grizzly, Jaiden, Tom, Bizly. Jealousy flares up when I look at Bizly's name on the screen.

Condi's good at this shit.

Hey man, are you busy? I fucked up.

Yeah, give me a sec.

I light a joint in my office and hope the neighbors don't notice. Condi's name pops up on discord along with a ringing in my headphones.

"Hey, man, what's up?" He greets me.

"Well, she stayed the night,"

He pauses for a moment, "Oh shit. What happened?"

"It was- it was great, we were having a great time, and this morning- fuck man, I told her I loved her,"

"Oh shiiiit," his tone is serious. "While you were in bed?"

"Yeah like after we- yeah, it was so awkward, and then we tried to talk about it and she freaked."

"Charlie, man, you probably scared the shit out of her,"

"I know! I know, but now I don't know what to do. She tried to leave, but she had her camera stuff here, and like, I held her while she cried, and I drove her back, and we said bye, and man it was so fucking tense,"

"I'm sorry dude. Look, Grizzly and I are heading to Bizly's place later. Do you wanna-"

"No, oh fuck dude," I cut him off. "Oh shit, Condi she slept with him. This weekend. I was trying to be chill about it."

"Charlie, this is a fucking mess,"

"Fuck, I know," I rest my head in my hands.

There's a big pause.

"Okay, I told the guys I couldn't make it, I'll be over in like a half hour."

"Shit, thanks Condi," my voice comes out a little quieter, "I gotta get cleaned up here, I'll let you go for now,"

"Sure. See you soon,"

The call ends. I sit here staring at the screen. Her name is offline. God, I want to call her.

I clean up the dishes and throw my sheets straight into the washing machine, then wait for Condi to make it over.

----

Saturday.

I haven't heard from her in the days since I dropped her off. Giving her space, I'd been spending my time recording videos and editing. It's painful to not know how she's been doing. After Grizzly got the story he insisted I come out this weekend, promising me he'd help keep distance between me and Bizly. Now that it's almost time, I'm tempted to cancel.

Griz is at my door before long. "Hey, how you holding up?"

"I'm fine," I lie.

"Well you will be, we're gonna have a great night," he says, patting me on the shoulder and walking into my place. He looks sympathetic but keeps his tone excited.

"Yeah, we've got some pre-drinks, Uber in an hour, and there will be a bunch of people we know out tonight," Condi said, walking in and closing the door behind him. He sets a 6 pack on the counter, eyeing over the dirty dishes that have started to stack up.

"Yeah!" Grizzly continues, "Ted gonna be there, and it sounds like he's bringing Eddie. Jaiden and some of her friends. It's literally your crowd of people,"

I push away my trepidation. We crack open beers and turn on my switch, starting up a round of Smash Bros. Time flies and we make it through a few drinks. I've got a decent buzz going when we leave for the bar.

Ted and Schlatt are the first people I notice and I make my way over to them, the boys breaking off to meet up with Bizly at a table. I feel a little guilt that I can't face him yet. It would be a shit move to let a girl get in the way of our friendship. Maybe I'll talk to him after a few more drinks.

"Hey, Charlie!" Ted greeted, dapping me up as I meet them at the bar.

"Hey guys, what's going on?" I smile, genuinely pumped to see more friends.

"Getting shots!" Schlatt booms out, as a bartender sets two down in front of them. He slips her a bill, "One more, toots?"

We catch up and I slam back a shot when mine arrives. I get a beer for myself as well.

"Fuck man, what's been going on?" Ted asks after setting the glass back down.

"Ah you know, same old," I shrug, "What about you?"

Ted goes off on several tangents and the two of us wander off to chat as Schlatt talks up two girls at the bar. Eventually Eddie joins us and we all joke for a while before their girlfriends approach and they take their leave.

I find my way to the table that the boys had sat in, and it's just the four of us when a waitress sets down a big tray of shots. We drink and Bizly speaks up, "Hey Charlie I haven't heard from you in like a week, what's going on with you?"

Condi and Grizzly exchange a look, but I'm drunk enough and feeling good, laughing, "Ah yeah- I had a- um- I had a date and it didn't go great, I've kinda been keeping to myself,"

Condi looks worried and Grizzly stops mid drink, coughing. Bizly slaps Griz on the back, and responds, "Aw shit, sorry to hear tha- wait," I see the gears turning in his head and brace myself. "Was it- did you-?"

"Yeah- yeah- she came over the other night and my stupid ass accidentally confessed my love for her," I say with a drunken sheepishness.

"Oh! Oh shit, well thats- damn," he looks nervous, eyes wide. The two of us both know that the other is into her, I mean, obviously so after last weekend. But I don't think I ever mentioned to him that I had feelings.

"It's okay man- I know that you- that uh- you know," liquid courage had taken me over, but I still didn't want to have to say it.

"Fuck, man I'm sorry, I didn't know,"

"It's fine, I mean, like, it's whatever," I say it with a confidence that sounds almost convincing enough to believe.

It seem to be enough, and the two other guys visibly relax. Conversation moves on, we order more drinks, and the night's going by nicely. I'm feeling relaxed and having a great time until I see Bizly's eyes widen and look over my shoulder. He smacks Grizzly, who follows his gaze. I lean over to see what they're looking at, and can't figure it out for a moment.

Then I see her. She's taking a shot at the bar, the girl from the party last weekend practically hanging off of her.

"Fuck," I say, as she turns to see the four of us staring. Her face drops. "Oh fuck," I say again.

---

Your POV

I wait outside the bar for Tina, puffing on a cigarette. We'd been chatting a bit and I learned that we were here for someones birthday. There are supposed to be a bunch of other streamers and YouTubers inside. I think about the fact that I haven't streamed in weeks and feel a little guilty. It's fine. I'll catch up on the photography edits for Char-. I'll finish my other work and stream later this week.

Tina gets out of the back of a car with three others. She waves them inside when she notices me and almost skips over, the cutest smile on her face.

"Hey!" I greet with a smile as she bounces up and takes the smoke from my hand, puffing it before returning it to my fingers.

"Hi! I'm so glad you made it, you look so good!" She checks me out while giving me the compliment. I'm wearing a corsette top and a little black skirt, with my tallest, most fun platforms.

"You too," I smile while eyeing her cute slip dress.

"Hey I hear my song playing, let's get in there," she beams.

I put out my smoke and she grabs me by the hand, pulling me behind her. We make it onto the dancefloor as the first chorus of APT plays. She's got a huge smile on her face and it's contagious. I join her jumpy dance and giggle as she dramatically mouths the lyrics. As the song changes I pull her closer, sliding my arms around her waist. With starry eyes she sways her hips and our bodies press together. It's a Billie Eilish song that I don't recognise, but Tina is very much into it.

She looks so pretty and her body feels nice. My hands slide over her hips as she moves, the silkiness of her dress making it hard to keep them in one place. I don't think either of us mind. The dance floor is decently full and we're nicely lost in it. I flash her a flirty smile and lean in like I'm going to whisper in her ear. Instead, my lips brush against the side of her face, planting quick kisses before I pull back to keep dancing. I hear a faint gasp through the music and she's got a little grin when I glance at her face again. She's sweet and soft and it makes me want to be gentle with her.

We make it through a few more songs before I pull her away to the bar, "Can I buy you a drink?" I say as we approach, holding hands over the counter.

She nods enthusiastically and I get the bartenders attention. She orders something expensive but I don't flinch. I like the thought of giving a pretty girl a good time. I pause when it's my time to order, thinking of the orange creamcicle drink I had the other night, and go for a vodka coke instead. I hand the bartender cash and we step away with our drinks.

Some of her friends approach, handing us shots, and she introduces me, sliding an arm around my waist. Before too long she's chatting in a giggly quiet tone with what I assume are her close friends. They glance at me and I smile each time. It's obvious she's talking about me and it's cute as hell.

My head scans over the room, checking to see who's here. There's Ted, Eddie, Schlatt, and Jarvis at a booth on the far side of the dance floor. It would be nice to catch up with them. Jaiden and Jacob have made it to the dance floor. Oh. There's Bizly and Griz. Oh shit they see me. I glance down to where Tina is hanging off my arm, then glance back up. Condi's also looking and- oh shit, shit, shit, that's Charlie. We lock eyes for a moment and I turn away.

-----

Charlie's POV

She looks away, back to the girl she's with. She looks good. I freeze, starring at her. If she was watching me she'd see my face getting redder.

"Hey, man," Grizzly interrupts my thoughts and I snap back.

"Uh yeah, yeah, okay," I say, unconvincingly trying to come off as alright. Bizly is still looking past us and I have to force myself to not turn back immediately.

"Dude," Condi kicks Bizly under the table.

"Fuck, jeez," Bizly makes a face at him but his attention is back too.

"Are you guys gonna be cool?" Grizzly asks, concerned.

"Yeah man, it's fine," Bizly responds, and everyone's attention turns to me.

"Sure," I say, and the other three carry on in conversation. I want to run over to her, to ask her how she's been. The back of my mind itches while I catch Bizly stealing glances towards the bar. As his eyes trail over to the dance floor next to us, mine follow. There she is, in the middle of the crowd. She is dancing with that girl, their hands on eachother.

"I'm gonna get some air," I announce, turning to walk away. When I get outside I realize Condi's followed me. The cool night air feels good on my face. After a long pause I say outloud, "I gotta talk to her,"

"Here? Are you sure?" is what he asks. I can hear in his voice that he's not trying to change my mind.

"Yeah, I just need a few moments and a couple of drinks,"

"Okay dude," he sighs, leaning against the brick wall.

----

Your POV

My date pulls me to the dancefloor again, more handsy than before. I catch the boys watching me, locking eyes with Bizly more than once. There's a knowing in his gaze. Im sure they all found out what happened, and I turn my face away so I don't have to look at them again.

Tina pulls my body up to hers and I focus on being in the moment. Her friends are dancing with us now and it's getting to be a tight fit on the floor. Hands and bodies brush in close around us. The music is loud enough to drown out thoughts. Joyride by Kesha plays and I let my fingers run past her hips to rest on her ass. I won't have to see her after tonight if I don't want to. It won't piss my best friends off, it won't be a big deal. This is what's normal for me. This is what I'm good at. Before the next song starts we're kissing. I'm not even sure who initiated. Her lips taste like candy and she feels so soft in my arms. I want to strip her down and make her moan.

Our kiss brakes and she turns her body so her ass is pressed against me, head leaning back in my shoulder. My mind flashes to being on Charlie's lap, pressed up against him, and for a moment I wonder what she'd look like spread in front of his mirror. Fuck, I shake the thoughts of him and wrap my arms around her waist. We move together and she presses against me.

"Hey ladies," a familiar voice sounds from right behind me as big hands touch my hips. A body presses against me, and I lean my head up to look. Bizly.

"Hey!" I say back, drunk and giggly. And Tina turns to look as well. She checks my face, seeing my friendly expression and relaxes.

"Bizly, Tina. Tina, Bizly," I introduce while sandwiched between the two of them, "What's up, man?"

His hands find the spot above my hip bones and I suppress a gasp as he leans over me to talk to Tina. I feel my panties getting wet fast. His hands on me, my hands on her. Threesome? My intoxicated mind asks me.

"It's nice to meet you, can I borrow your date for a few minutes?" He sounds like a gentleman as he asks her, but his fingertips trace into my midriff and he pulls my ass against him so I can feel his hardening cock.

She glances at me to see a relaxed smile and I lean in to kiss her quickly, "I'll be right back," I whisper into her ear.

He sits back at the table, now unoccupied, and I slide in beside him, his arm around the booth behind me.

"Dude are you trying to get it in right now? I'm kind of busy." I tease. His eyes rest on my chest and for a moment I worry he might actually try to fuck me right here.

"I mean if that doesn't work out we can head back to mine," he replies in that low, sexy growl.

"Maybe I'll bring her with," I smile at him.

"What about Charlie?" He says, removing his arm and leaning away from me, the sexual tension shattering.

"Charlie," I say softly, "where did he go?"

I turn my head to look around and notice Grizzly approaching, a drink in each hand. He turns quickly when he notices me.

"He's outside," Bizly says. "You gotta talk to him,"

I look back at Bizly, sadness in my eyes, "What would I even say?"

"Can't help you there. He's worried. You guys talk like every day," he replies.

"Yeah well," I feel my voice turning cold, "I can't be what he wants, I-" I compose myself, "I'll text you if I strike out tonight,"

I get up from the table, an anger brewing in the back of my head, and walk towards Grizzly, tapping him on the shoulder.

"Oh hey!" He laughs nervously when he sees its me.

"Hey, Griz, good to see ya," I take one of the drinks and down about half of it before putting it back in his hand. "Later," I say, waving behind me as I walk back to the dancefloor.

"The fuck?!" I hear him say to Bizly before I push back into the crowd.