#and I’m stupid not to see that
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I hate seeing things about how we should be self aware and listen to our hearts because that advice just triggers the voice of my ~conscience~ (aka my demeaning know it all inner critic) which says “well you know what’s really best for you is to break up with your bf and you’ve been a fool to think that all this time the outcome would be different you know what you have to do just be strong and stop being a fucking coward and break up it’s never going to work out and you know you need to break up to reach your full potential you’re so stupid for staying with him this long you know you can’t reconcile your differences and your heart needs something else and you have no integrity and you can’t even listen to yourself and love yourself enough to do this” blah blah blah forever and ever god I hate that voice Jesus
#mine#it’s like idk what’s real and what’s not because I have a voice in my head that tells me the answer is always break up#like apparently no matter what I’m always just supposed to admit I’m compromising and settling being in this relationship#and I’m stupid not to see that#Jesus I fucking hate this train of thought#like why bro why can’t something just be good and not fucking suck#why do I have to feel like it’s my fault for being in a relationship that my brain is telling me is horrible when idk if it is#like is my conscience my anxiety??? or is it for real and I am fucking stupid for not listening to it?#idk I wanna cry#sex therapy#anxious attachment#bpd
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Guess who spent two days trying to understand how to draw a kiss
Based on amazing incredible gut wrenching Mistakes on Mistakes until..
#maccadam#transformers#fic fanart#momu fanart#prowl#jazz#jazzprowl#SPOILERS IN THE TAGS 👉#LISTEN.#WHEN THEY GOT SEPARATED I WAS FULLY PREPARED TO WITNESS JAZZ BEING DIPPED IN ANGST#He said see you on the other side#and went for the run that had no ‘other side’ to end up with#figuratively#you know what I mean#Because this is what he regularly does. Not just in MOMU. Everywhere#Roses are red violets are blue I’m not afraid of death when it helps saving you#and just when I thought I know what is about to happen Prowl went for him?.???#YOU REMEMBER THAT POST WHERE ‘SOULMATES ARE STUPID I LOVE YOU ON PURPOSE’#THIS IS THEM#who needs love from the first sight and red strings of fate#I’m gonna fucking handcuff us together#WE DIE OR WE LIVE BUT WE DO IT TOGETHER#ALSO THE KISS?? The little ‘I do in fact love you’ ??#KFKFJNVJGKGKFKFJFJFMFKFK
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I love Tumblr because nothing matters here truly. There are no influencers. Having followers doesn’t mean anything. It’s just a site where people post their sporadic thoughts and rb pretty pictures. Anyone who thinks any of this matters is woefully missing the point
#I joined tumblr for the aesthetics and now I’m here bc it’s the most low pressure social media to be on#Instagram is ppl’s highlight reel but Tumblr is where u see their pure thoughts unobstructed and I adore that#It’s very nice to have people to relate to and is def the main appeal to me but I don’t think there’s much more to it than that genuinely#Monetization on tumblr isn’t a thing and probably won’t be so it feels stupid to put more stake than necessary in it. Like you’re in the#Trenches over tumblr of all things. Embarrassing#I know chronically online people exist bc I have seen them in my or somebody else’s inbox but imagine waking up at 70 one day and the#Realization hitting u like a freight time that u wasted all ur time thinking tumblr. TUMBLR. This dying website. Has enough weight for u to#be sending anon hate or reviewing ppl’s blogs like they’re some kind of product. Brother this is licherally tumblr#I choose to laugh at this behavior than take it seriously bc absolutely no one is driving me crazy on my OWN blog. On tumblr dot com.#I refuse#I will do whatever I want forever etc
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We have not spent nearly enough time talking about how Nicola Coughlan is the most beautiful kisser in the world.
And this kiss should have immediately ended the “it’s rushed” debate. Because if a woman kissed me like that, 100% I’m marrying her. Are you fucking kidding me? Colin’s subsequent unhinged behavior is completely justified.
I will not be taking any questions on this.
#rushed?? cmon#not rushed enough#lol i thought i was a pen or eloise but i’m starting to think i may actually be a colin#i masked most of my life i’ve spent a lot of time not seeing things that were right in front of me i have a hero complex#and i would also marry pen#shit#i’m a fuckin colin#but like all the worst parts of him lol (besides the love of pen)#i’m going to finish this stupid post and go think about things for a while#polin#bridgerton#nicola coughlan
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We flirt all the time, smile and laugh, but how am i supposed to know if this is real? i can't control my feelings anymore. it's so hard being around you and not saying all the things I want you to hear.
I’m trying my best to act casual..
But all i can seem to do is get memorized in your eyes..
#ughhhh#I’m cooked#I’m signing off for life#🫡#trans#transgender#trans pride#transisbeautiful#mtf#transgirl#girlslikeus#mtf hrt#maletofemale#transformation#trans women are beautiful#trans woman#trans women#if he sees this.. it still won’t change anything#girls like us#transexual#actually trans#this is what trans looks like#trans community#trans feminine#it’s been 4 months#i don’t know#maybe just maybe#or i’m just stupid#trans experience#trans is beautiful
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hey dunmeshi people I bought the manga and I’m reading volume 4 currently and.
and. what in the yuri. hello?????? google says they’re not canon but what??? is this then???? if not deep and intense homosexual tension?????? fellas is it homie behavior to interlace your fingers and press close to each other while naked in the bath?? just besties??? i’m??????
#dungeon meshi spoilers#dungeon meshi#like I’m sorry but what the fuck is this???? what the fuck?#i found ppl asking if they were gay on reddit and ppl answering with ‘not canonically but ppl ship it. I don’t see it tho’#WAHT DO YOU MEAN YOU DONT SEE IT. ARE YOU BLIND. ARE YOU STUPID#WHAT IS THIS!!!!!!!!!!!
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“i really, really hate to say this, but i knew my teammate was going to make a fool of himself and was waiting to see it happen” yeah, i’m sure.…
#number one team in putting eachother in situations and seeing what happens cuz why not???#timmy said yeah that’s on him he’s kinda stupid lol ❤️ both failgirls in their own right#there’s a reason this team will make it far and it’s because they’re all equally dumb and have the power of friendship. always saying this#timmy (I’m assuming) watching and waiting and doubling over with laughter LIKE SURE#shane pinto#tim stützle#josh norris
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Ticklish
#My art#jizzie#lizzie ldshadowlady#ldshadowlady#ldshadowlady fanart#lizzie ldshadowlady fanart#Joel smallishbeans#smallishbeans#joel smallishbeans fanart#smallishbeans fanart#fun fact when I started this sketch it wasn’t intended to be Jizzie. Then it turned into them as I drew. They infest my brain#Anyways. Love them#I’ve got a couple alt versions of this if anyone wants to see them. They’re just a couple different backgrounds and some little hearts but-#-they’re cute. Maybe I’ll attach them in a rb#Anyways I’m SUUUUPER proud of their face shapes here- especially Joel’s- I feel like I got them to look really good and somewhat feel like-#-their real face shapes while still being simple. Which I feel is impressive for such a STUPID angle GODS t was a pain. Turned out great-#-but UGH pissed me off once or twice there#Might also post some sketch layers too. Mainly because Joel’s happy trail was lost in the final version and I’m mourning it#Idk though. We’ll see how I feel in the morning 👍#Also happy new years I guess#I fucking HATED drawing Joel’s foot btw toes fucking SUCK TO DRAW they’re a fuckin pain. Stupid shaped appendage fr#I AM however very happy with their clothes. The skirt shape. The belt loops and seam on the pants. OUGH i like drawing clothes#Hermitcraft#hermitcraft art#hermitcraft fanart#life series#empires smp#uhhhh those last ones are just for reach I guess it’s not server specific#life series fanart#trafficblr
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I really really hope that polin fighting about whistledown gets resolved before they get married. Besides the obvious reasons, like I want them to be happy on their wedding day, I would like to see a wedding on this show where they aren’t acting like they have a shotgun pointed at them
#bridgerton#I’m sure Kate and Anthony’s wedding was happy but we only saw his wedding to Edwina#Daphne and Simons wedding was just a whole bowl of stupid for no reason#I just want to see a happy wedding on this show preferably from my favorite couple#penelope featherington#colin bridgerton#polin
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Rare fiddstan art?! Jk I have some in the drafts as well but some are also not too appropriate to post here if you catch my drift
ANYWAYS they’re so stupid I need to hit them with a cardboard tube
I love Stan and his stupid dad jokes
#horrible pick up lines#stupid puns#I’m not a huge fan of this ship but it is really cute#also just seeing them interact would warm my heart#gay ass mfs#they’re so stupid#I love them#gravity falls fanart#fiddleford mcgucket#Stan pines#Stanley pines#fiddlestan#fiddstan#digital art#my art#gravity falls#fanart#Stanley pines x Fiddleford McGuffey#fiddleford hadron mcgucket#fiddleford h mcgucket#young fiddleford#mullet stan#young stanley#young Stanley pines#stanley pines x fiddleford mcgucket#stan pines x fiddleford mcgucket#stan pines/fiddleford mcgucket
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Prime defenders but it’s only the stupidest things I’ve drawn for them
Banimatic
#bandit's doodles#jrwi prime defenders#jrwi wiwi#jrwi vyncent#jrwi dakota#jrwi tide#I guess#jrwi ashe winters#I’m not tagging everyone in the animatic absolutely not#do you see what I was talking about when I said my vyncent design was gorgeous#not to toot my own horn#I’ve started my first pd rewatch so I’m officially locked in#no turning back#they’ve taken over#I actually winged all the designs in the stupid video excluding the main 3#the Cantrip one is doing things to me#bad and good#maybe one day I’ll post proper fully finished art#(I do that sometimes I promise)#also there’s a secret reason why wiwi’s hair coloring is inconsistent#maybe I’ll tell you someday#fuck I caught myself in another yapfest
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Reminder that seeing yourself/relating your experiences through characters with headcanons is valid.
Kind of out of no where but i saw a post that is just one of many people echoing this attitude i see online…it’s bothering me and i have to get it out of my system, it’s perfectly valid to have headcanons on a characters gender orientation, sexual orientation, culture, religion, etc. don’t feel invalid or stupid for seeing yourself in a character. representation doesn’t have to be a one-to-one replica for it to be valid.
i hate when people on the internet see headcanons and feel the need to tear people down over it, or invalidate why that person relates to the character in the way they do.
not everyone relates in the same way and that’s okay and normal…
but that doesn’t mean you should feel the need to invalidate other people. it might sound like it’s not that deep but representation means so much to those of us in underrepresented communities! Headcanons? not that deep. but it might mean something special to someone else (or maybe it’s not even that deep which for the record is also entirely valid???) so i really don’t see the point in making it a big deal.
i appreciate media analysis but when it’s done in a way that disrespects people for the harmless, and honestly valid headcanons people have, that’s pretty off-putting and frustrating. (especially using other peoples harmless art and posts to prove a point? that’s mad disrespectful.)
we all have different experiences and different things we relate to and that’s beautiful, can we stop putting people down?
can we stop invalidating people for relating to a characters experience? can we stop scoffing at creators when they show support to the communities that are invested in and around their work? that’s an amazing thing that should be encouraged, that’s what builds strong communities and helps makes people feel welcomed, safe. if it sounds stupid, it probably doesn’t apply to you.
and honestly it doesn’t matter if it applies to you or not, it means a lot to someone else and that makes it valid.
#rant ig#sorry#i don’t want people to feel discluded or stupid or invalid#also to be clear you don’t have to have a reason to justify headcanons in the first place but yk.#i’ve felt like that a lot and i think it’s bs#sighs loudly#you can probably guess who this is about but please don’t ask this isn’t meant to be hateful in any way#seeing this come up in the utmv fandom specifically but it applies anywhere#i like to give the benifit of the doubt but i’m getting a hint of transphobia </3#characters having a relatable experience to underrepresented communities doesn’t diminish their value or story or character..#sorry if this is vaugeposty i just. don’t feel like interacting with transphobes today.
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the woes of a god [gn/m.reader]
definitely not my comeback piece. just got inspired randomly in the middle of so many things that i have been doing. i deeply apologize ;; 🙇♂️. this is just… a really long story that builds on the premise of the last story i posted TvT.
𖦹 big on genshin lore again, with a few interpretations of my own to fill in the gaps and insert the reader, creator reader but not sagau (again like the last story), focuses on post primordial one vs sovereigns, primordial one and second throne war, archon war, and post-cataclysm. features all six archons by their goetic names (the tsaritsa is conveniently not around), neuvillette, mentions of old seven and apep, this leans on a what if scenario, of reader coming down to teyvat before the archon war, reader is a little brutal but that’s okay ;;
The sky has never looked more fake.
Your eyes squint at the light that the world you have crafted bathed in. You had seen the horrific sights that lie beyond the peaceful blue that the skies projected before you.
Though it did little to bother any other living creature that now dwelled on your magnum opus. Your gaze drifts to the new beings, molded with striking differences from one another, their characteristics bound by the land that they were born on.
The day you had awoken was a painful ordeal to go through. The wounds that lodged within your very body is terrifyingly painful. And the very world that you had created and anchored into your body was the only culprit.
For a time, your masterpiece, Teyvat, felt like a malignant tumor that only propagated within your soul, corroding every piece of your self until you are no more. How ironic was it that your most cherished creation among all the other worlds became the very thing that causes you physical harm.
You had slumbered for a long time since then, and had dutifully descended. Your sleep was not only attributed to the pain during its descent, but also to mourn the painful passing of your beloved sovereigns. Your eyes cannot endure the fate they suffered through, and to this day, the guilt tramples over whatever sense of elation that you feel, washed over with the feelings of intense shame.
Their creator was you alone. No one else.
And when an alien being came to hunt them down for a war that lasted decades, you were nowhere to be found.
You were certain that Nibelung knew your gaze was casted on them, that he understood you were stepping away as a form of test, a way to see if he, as well as your seven sovereigns could withstand such a small conundrum such as a foreign descender.
The thought sickens you physically — you could only wonder if you putting your loving faith on them to be your champions in this war was a devastating mistake of yours that they paid for with their lives and dignity. Your mind could barely comprehend the kind of desperation that Nibelung must have felt for him to dive into the deepest depths and use a knowledge not of this world that Teyvat, and to an extent — your body, until now, struggles to recover from.
A sigh escapes your lips.
It was a gnawing ache, like those celestial larvae that crawl into your body, having a grand feast on it.
The day you descended, you had called on the elements that embodied this very world, seeking answers for what had happened when you were in such a deep sleep, entirely clueless of the events, with only a body that aches from the physical wounds it sustained to guide you to the clues about Old Teyvat’s demise and the embarking of its new age.
You had learned that day, that after the devastating defeat of your dragons, it imparted a new life. And now, humans walked the very ground you had crafted for dragons to walk on initially. You have also learned that the tiny vishaps have retreated deep into Teyvat, living under the hopeless depths, making do and surviving in such a decrepit environment.
Coming in contact with them was nothing more than a world full of hurt when you came to the realization that even the vishaps are terrified of your light. It had shattered a piece of you, and have only grieved with nothing but shame and regret.
And even when you left, the despairing echoes of your cries remained beneath as the vishaps’ lullabies as well as the tears that created a pool for them to bathe in.
Your cries that soothed the vishaps became a haunting legend in a certain civilization that had collapsed and fell through the depths. Children cowered at the stories told about the harrowing echoes, and the scholars of that very civilization had recorded your voice as a mere phenomenon, a tale for the insane, a story for bedtime to frighten unruly children.
Much after the grieving that you had succumbed to, you had learned the stinging pain that pierced through your body that keeps persisting to this day was the work of these pillars — you have come to know them as its divine nails, made to heal the lands of Teyvat from the parasitic effects that the forbidden knowledge inflicted when it was used during the wars.
Quite frankly, it did little to heal your body as you feel the way it seems to lodge within your very core, destroying and corrupting pieces of your soul.
Your first journey since your awakening was nothing short of enlightening. You had learned much about the turn of events. Your dragons have suffered enough, with the few alive ones like the Dragon of Verdure incredibly spiteful of the new race that came about.
And you were not clueless about the sharp tone Apep had taken when she first talked to you after your disappearance during the war between it and the seven sovereigns. You understood the bitterness and sheer betrayal that she had felt, knowing that all this would have been prevented had you only decided to lend a hand.
You left Apep’s abode with little pity for yourself and more remorse for not being a proper artisan to your creation.
But as you watched a civilization grow among the vast sands, you also cannot help but disagree with the unsavory words that Apep had described the new life.
Yes, they were small.
But you understood that humanity is not insignificant.
Gods have always fascinated you.
You understood that to some degree, you too, are a god. You understood that way before Teyvat became a project of yours. Your previous creations that were successfully inhabited with the creatures you had given life to worshiped you, and your descent on your visits were always welcomed with celebrations of endless grandeur.
Things were no different once the sovereigns had come to realize that you were the source of their life and the very world they live in right now. And you had also been crowned as Teyvat’s primordial deity.
However, the age of humanity had given birth to two differing types. There were the normal humans — mortal, average in strength, and so easily swayed by their desires and fears alike.
And then there were the immortals. You had come to realize that immortals came in all forms. Some had originally been creatures of the myth, others were mere elemental manifestations, spirits, or humans that were lucky enough to be ordained and strong enough to defy all the odds that an average human can only do.
There were also gods who took the shape of creatures — sea monsters, newer dragons that were striking descendants of the ancient ones.
You understood then, that even immortals, much like mortals, answered to the authority that reigned supreme in your world, someone who is not you.
Glancing up at the sky, your gaze immediately drifts to that floating piece of land, meant to hold the thrones of those revered by the new worldly life.
And just as you were finally understanding the existence of gods lesser than you, the one above who has stolen your very presence of authority declared an all-out brawl across Teyvat, deeming your very masterpiece its playground for needless bloodshed and barbaric warfare.
It declared seven thrones for seven remaining gods that would triumph above all.
And nothing could prepare you for the prize of winning one.
It was an unforgettable feeling — the way your blood ran cold as it presented seven ornaments in unique shapes, each containing a very familiar power that you have cultivated and given yourself.
The prize was the authority of your defeated sovereigns.
Mockery. You thought it was mockery. You thought whatever resides up there knows you were lurking, relearning Teyvat after your forced slumber for survival, and decided to taunt your everlasting grief over your creations by using the very dignity of each dragon sovereign that you had entrusted those authorities to.
And now, it taunts you in such a needlessly cruel way, by desecrating your world once more through an all out war between the very gods they have also created.
It was a jarring era. You took part in aiding the defenseless mortals, taking whoever in the tiny nooks all over the world. You had brought several mortals in your sanctuary in times of desperation while gods have staked their claim by surviving battle after battle.
Tactics were employed by different gods, differing in styles. Some had bargained for it, some willingly gave their throne to a god they deem fit, others who are weaker opted to team up with those that can trample over others, some had forcibly taken what was rightfully theirs, and some had willingly shut themselves off, cowering away in hopes of being left alone so they may protect their people in peace.
You had learned by then that even gods… can succumb to their desires and fears.
It had been long since the great war among gods had concluded.
However you can still feel the bittersweet sensation that pulsed through your veins as you watched all seven take their seats, claim their divine thrones, and hold the vessels for the power stolen from your elemental dragon sovereigns.
You would remember them as they staked their claim over their regions.
Barbatos, Morax, Baal, Rukkhadevata, Egeria, Xbalanque, and previous Tsaritsa.
You recall them well enough — considering that they have managed to unearth the truth of Teyvat’s existence. They came to you, offering themselves for you to indulge at the cost of recognition.
The original seven, eager as they were to meet you, were promptly shut down with a smile on your lips.
“You are not mine to claim, as my blood does not flow through any of yours’ veins.”
Suffering became an easy friend of yours.
You had gone through so much already, and your body as well as Teyvat have yet to heal and recuperate from the effects of the many wars that transpired on this world.
And here comes another one.
However, this time, someone had played the role of Icarus, and had flown way too close to a certain parasite.
It dawned on you as the familiar stinging pain seeped though your very core, breaking you once more little by little, its persistence unmistaken when you first felt it when the very first war erupted in this world.
Someone had unearthed Nibelung’s discovery of the forbidden knowledge and decided to use it.
You remember it vividly — yet another huge devastation that came to Teyvat. However, the catastrophe was marginally bigger compared to the horrid Archon war. And with the discomfort of bearing through that disgustingly painful experience, you had plunged into yet another slumber.
By the time you had awoken, you realized how deeply affected each and everyone was. Many comrades have died, some were affected, and you had come to find out that even the archons had to make some incredibly difficult sacrifices that dealt equally devastating blows to their very being.
You had little to say.
However, you have much to do.
Perhaps it was your guilty conscience that pushed you into this long journey. However, you were not guilty of being asleep while the fallen nation had wreaked havoc with their circumstances. Your guilt lied within the fact that you had never gotten to console your dragon sovereigns when they were defeated by it.
Most of them were dead, others were sealed and unable to reincarnate.
And so this was your way of making it up to them, albeit… with the archons, those who remained, and those who are now stepping up into their new responsibilities as a member of the newly established seven.
You had first visited the cold region of Snezhnaya, paying a visit to their new Cryo Archon, who has been planning something else entirely. She had willingly entertained you, despite the slight edge and tension within her. However you understood that you were limiting her desire to continue on with her plans, and so you were quick to disappear from that very nation.
Barbatos has always held you in a high regard the moment his eyes were opened to your existence. The heavenly principles call you the slumbering sloth, deeming your forced slumber and inactivity to act against the horrors Teyvat has gone through a mistake on your part as a creator.
But he deems it as a slander, and he quietly protests at the image imposed so heavily on him. He adored the freedom you had granted — giving free will to the creatures that now live on your domain, and it was that freedom that had continued to flourish within him, spurring on a belief that he had cultivated since the moment he received his gnosis.
In that tiny piece of divinity, he felt you. Quietly lurking across the lands of Teyvat, minding your own affairs without intent of reconnecting with others.
And when he and his fellow archons sought you for answers, you had little to say. Shutting them down with an indifferent gaze — no, Venti hardly calls it indifferent, the mask sure was indifferent, but there is a sense of agony that seems to seep out from that very mask.
Barbatos sleeps for eons not to gather his bearings, but to feel closer to you.
And now here he finds you in the waking world, gaze overlooking Mondstadt — currently rebuilding the life that was devastated by the cataclysm alone. His wings tuck behind him, respectful as he was as he bowed to you.
“They have it handled, Your Benevolence,” he regards you with a carefree grin on his lips, “…Humans are strong. And that freedom I’ve given them will flourish.”
“You seem so sure of it,” you respond without missing a beat.
“…They are still ignorant of you, and they do not realize that the freedom I embody is how I carry your will,” his voice comes out in a quiet purr, a reverent tone that held nothing but unadulterated adoration and devotion.
Your gaze seems too far — looking at the horizon and Barbatos wants to see what your eyes can see in this world. What perspective you have, what you think of the new Teyvat and what you think of him, carrying out your principles through his own beliefs.
“…Let us hope it is not a mistake,” you mumble, your fingers gently caressing those pristine white wings of his, and Barbatos relishes in the feeling.
He held back a wince as he felt a sharp sting from when you plucked a feather from his wing.
Barbatos had one thing to say.
“If it is your will, then it shall be done.”
You had doubts with that. You had your will — and it was done. And where did that lead you? Facing a god bearing the face of a creature that now replaced your creations.
You sucked in a sharp breath before smiling, a shallow gesture as you tucked in Barbatos’ pure white feather behind your ear.
“Mm… it shall be done,” you repeat, and a gentle breeze brushes past you. A tiny whisper and a loving kiss from the archon himself.
You accept it with a quiet hum.
Morax had more questions than the blatant adoration that Barbatos held for you. He first came to you apprehensive and tense, but you knew that he understood that he had to be around in order to get the answers he desired. He came to you with the arrogance and bravado befitting of a god.
How pathetic was it that he looked more like a god than you will ever be. But when he did, you were in a fit of deep sorrow when the heavenly principles made a mockery of your sovereigns and had given it to these new gods that prevailed mostly through bloodshed and sheer force.
He questioned your methods, Morax understood so little about your motives, about your life, about your method of creation. However arrogant and mighty as he was, he held deep respect for you still, you were the creator of the dragons that inspired him to mold his likeness into the same sort when he presented his Exuvia during his descent in Liyue.
And yet you still managed to devastate him as you first rejected him along with the first seven. Unlike Barbatos who saw agony, Morax felt the indignant resentment that enveloped your divine being, and it rubbed him the wrong way.
Morax was quick to straighten himself up, and was eager to wisen himself.
Right, he was taught to understand others.
Your legacy was infamous for losing against the heavenly principles’ divine intervention, that your sordid draconic creations were no match for the primordial one and its shades. That your era was replaced within a battle that only lasted for a few decades. And as you sat at the edge of the tall mountains that he had shaped, gracefully indulging in the tea ways away from Chenyu Vale, he could only bask in your divinity as he stood behind you, keeping a watchful gaze of your very being.
You still had that alluring glimmer that he saw when he first came to you.
An uneasy feeling grasps onto his very being. Perhaps it was the lingering trauma of being rejected by you initially that even served his cautious display now.
“…You’ve done well,” you murmur quietly. A simple, quiet praise, and Morax’s knees nearly buckled at the sheer weight. Of all the times he had been on the battlefield, none could outweigh the suffocating feeling that you suddenly imparted to him.
He feels the weight of expectations while your gaze swept over Liyue’s entirety. And Morax invites it wholeheartedly. His body gives into the sudden pressure that weighed him down, prompting him to go down on one knee, head bowed with a reverent expression.
Morax adores you so much.
“I have taken great inspiration from your creations, Your Benevolence. I have crafted them with you in mind, with how you may envision my nation to its way to prosperity.” His voice sounds like a whisper compared to your melodious echo. “It pleases me greatly to be praised by you.”
Your eyes flit to the countless mountains that were not there before. No doubt they have been shaped with the aid of Morax’s newfound authority over the land with his won authority over Geo.
“As an artisan, I must say, you have truly outdone yourself,” you quietly muse, resting the teacup between your thighs. “You have the talent, I would be remiss to not take you in and teach you few of my personal techniques.”
Morax’s breath hitched, his lips tremble, making his way towards you, half-crawling like a pest that now will surely refuse to leave your side. He had done well in his mind — redeemed himself from the foolish arrogance he once had that might have caused your blatant rejection of his being at first. But now, you were willing to let him learn from you, and that was a step far bigger than any god could have ever made.
“…Please,” he mumbled, his fingers digging into the dirt as desperation floods his mind wave after wave. “Please… please, Your Benevolence. Impart your knowledge to me. I will forever be grateful.”
Nothing could prepare him from your quiet laughter, amused by his devotion.
He is quiet, sucking in a sharp breath as he heaved a quiet sigh of sheer pleasure and relief. A genuine desire blossoms through his chest, flourishing and spreading like an illness that cannot be remedied with something remotely as simple as a handful of ground up adeptal herbs.
It took you one look to understand… that you ought not to shatter his genuine bliss. That you ought to not tell him you merely laughed in memory of the dragon who once possessed the authority that now Morax holds.
Beelzebul has always been off with you. She did not know how to feel. Adoration and the imminent desire to devote her life to you was not the first thing she had felt. Perhaps her twin sister did, Baal always did have a sense of innate fanaticism that even as her identical twin, Beelzebul could not understand.
Though she understood that when she saw Baal so utterly heartbroken after speaking so highly of you that she felt enraged. Her sister had rightfully earned her throne in the heavens, to receive that Electro Gnosis, it was hers to have with no room for argument. She had won the favor of the higher power, so why… pray tell… have you rejected someone as strong as her?
She thought you were blind to the notion of strength. She thought you were a fool — to not have seen the grace of power that Baal, that Makoto, had in her hands. For you to refuse the adoration her twin sister felt was nothing short of an insult to Beelzebul. And for a long time, she had intent to make you recognize Baal.
And then the catastrophe comes and long gone were her desires to turn your gaze towards her sister.
Traumatized, Beelzebul had little to say as she lamented over Baal’s death on that horrid war. The war that combed through Teyvat, claiming the lives of not only powerless and helpless mortals but gods like Baal fell.
On that one moment, Beelzebul casted aside her resentment, and begged for you to see just what her sister was willing to do to protect your creation. To witness the pain Baal had to go through despite her inability to curry your favor.
How ironic was it, that now, overcome with immense grief and desire to achieve the eternity Beelzebul wanted for her people, that you decided to come.
The puppet hung still, lifeless and incomplete from the waist down. Beelzebul stood by, and an odd sentiment of understanding for Baal’s fascination and love for you washes over her, as if Beelzebul was programmed to love you in an instant. Her watchful gaze never left you as you walked around, analysing the puppet Beelzebul was in the middle of creating.
Your gaze — one that Baal had longed to have — was directed at Beelzebul now.
“Your desire to reach eternity… is this puppet the answer?” You ask, “Free from erosion, everlasting puppet, made to run your territory to a perfected pace.”
Beelzebul’s footsteps echo as she closed the distance between you and her inch by inch. She becomes minutely aware of your divinity. It was like no other. It provokes the inner sanctums of Beelzebul’s physical being.
Beelzebul wants to cry.
And she wants you to hold her.
You took note of how she stepped back, before responding to you, regarding you respectfully, “…Yes, Your Benevolence.” Her eyes flit to the features of the puppet. He is hardly molded to her likeness, but it shows, beautiful and everlasting. “An eternity does not succumb to the rotting scent of gradual decay. He is a mere prototype, a test of what shall be my true creation.”
“Pity that is,” you quietly murmur. “He would have been a precious one,” you gently cupped his cheeks around your hands.
Beelzebul watched with confusion and interest as your lips press against the puppet’s forehead.
“Blessed be thy path. Return to me and you will be recognized.”
You walked towards her, the ends of your robes fluttering behind you. Her breath hitches at the feeling of your hand over her sternum, “…And may you return to me, should your pursuit come into a halt.”
It felt like a challenge, but Beelzebul does not miss her desire for it to be a mere comfort from a god who is clearly far greater than she will ever be. Undeterred, Beelzebul turns to the puppet and resigns herself into yet another long period of endless work.
There will be eternity. And at the heart of that very eternity will solely be you and her.
Buer knew the day she was born that she had huge shoes to fill in. Her predecessor was a great one, and their domain altogether was far bigger than one could imagine. Sumeru had a tall order and young little Buer had to fulfill it all on her own.
She was born into succeeding Rukkhadevata’s greatest feats, already pushed into the limelight to take over and take action over the nation that her predecessor had managed to cultivate with her compassion and wisdom. Buer was intimidated, she had enough sense to admit and accept such a fact. Buer admired her predecessor, and will continue to do so, loving her endlessly and singing praises about the hard work that Rukkhadevata had put into establishing the rule of Sumeru.
Hence, Buer finds it so difficult to find her footing. Everything she does feels so little in comparison to her predecessor’s achievements, and it was not long before a part of that adoration turns into a quiet hum of deep insecurity, seeding into Buer’s heart that forced her into a never ending cycle of pressure and admiration.
“You have so much on your mind, little one.”
Her mind clears, and she stares up into you. You — the one adored by many, and one that Buer was certain Rukkhadevata had also adored and held in such a high pedestal and rightfully so. Buer wonders how you are able to withstand the crushing weight of pressure that you probably feel on your shoulders as you carried the very fate of this world that was secured and anchored well into your body.
“Your predecessor was the same,” you continue while your fingers slowly cross strands of her hair over the other, neatly plaided. “I watched her scramble around, trying to clean up the messes that her fellow god kings have caused. I watched her get smaller and smaller, sacrificing every part of herself into clearing out catastrophes one after the other.”
Buer agrees without a word. Perhaps not even a god like you is immune to just how truly amazing the original Dendro Archon was as you sang her praises.
“The world is ill, little Buer,” you mention as you gracefully tied her hair to the side. “And when Teyvat is ill, I too suffer the same painful fate.”
No person could understand the paradoxical nature of the feelings that slowly invited itself into Buer’s heart.
She feels light from your encouragement and yet feels utterly crushed at the weight of expectations that you have placed on her, whether or not it was your intention.
Buer feels smothered by it all, and it feels so damning, so terribly incapacitating that it pains her. But Buer loves you. You came to guide her like a parent would to a child when Rukkhadevata had given her the stage to guide a region far bigger than any other archon’s claim.
“I know, Your Benevolence…” she quietly murmured.
Buer’s eyes opened, and the green tint of this prison she was in knocks her out of her daydream. Her palm presses flat against the barrier. A wave of loneliness comes over her being, and it hurts. It had only been a year or two since you came and since her capture, but she had never felt so alone in a solitary prison that Rukkhadevata once used for her own benefit now being used against her own successor.
Where are you? Are you coming back? Are you sending a champion to rescue her? How long will she stay here? A century? Five? A millennium?
Buer prays to you. She asks for an answer. An answer that you alone can possess.
The God of Wisdom seeks your knowledge in desperation, hoping you do not turn a blind eye.
From her prison of isolation, Buer could only hear the last words you have said to her;
“Happy birthday, Little Buer…”
Focalors much like the others in the same state as her had rightfully succeeded the throne of the original archons that now perished in that catastrophic event. Focalors was a mere oceanid, following after Egeria’s will as the late Hydro Archon was led into a battle that she would no longer return from. And now, Egeria’s corpse lays within the deserts of Sumeru, where the late Dendro Archon had buried and cultivated her corpse into a tree that will always be a good distance away from the very nation Egeria ruled over.
Focalors feels injustice against her predecessor now that she has shouldered the prophetic curse that the heavenly principles have decided to rule against Egeria for her sin. Her sin. Focalors’ eyebrows furrowed — was it so bad that the late archon created life? That she had desired to create humans the same way that it had done. She recalled the day Egeria was blessed with the wisdom of your existence.
A sole artisan, you, had created this world. And another one came to give birth to a new realm inhabited by humans. You were not their creator, but from your inaction, it was clear you had accepted, or at the very least tolerated humanity that now thrives on the world you have created. Egeria holds a different opinion compared to the other archons. She thought it was fair that you had rejected them initially, in a way it was your justice to refuse associating yourself with the creatures that replaced your original creations.
Hypocrites, the one that they answer to are all hypocrites.
And the feelings further exacerbate as she feels your hand press against her back. Her shoulders squared as you danced with her, a faint melody from your quiet hum was the only rhythmic guide to this romantic tango of two lonely gods.
There is a sense of longing that stews within the waters of Teyvat, Egeria once told Focalors upon receiving the Hydro Gnosis. And now that she is in close proximity with you, the feeling was overwhelmingly palpable. Her chest hurts as it tightened with every step she took, following after your flawless footwork.
This was a tragedy in the making and Focalors was eagerly participating in it.
“Does it hurt?” She asks you, adoring the serenity etched into your face as a defaulted expression. “To have your name sullied by the injustice inflicted by the winners? That no human speaks your name and sings your praises?”
You flawlessly spin her away until she comes back in your grasp, “I am in agony,” you admit with a haunting smile, mirthless and still so beautiful, “Even more as I am reliving him through you.”
The pace picks up and Focalors hurries, having little time to catch her breath as she feels an unsettling pull wash over her. There was a desire to please you, as if your request cannot be denied outright. Maybe it was the world asking her to do your bidding, or maybe Egeria had programmed this into her very core when she was created as a mere Oceanid familiar.
Before she was even aware, the humming comes to a close and Focalors was bowing like you to an audience of nothing but the endless sea and the creatures that lurked beneath it.
You tilt your head to the side, “I hope I have relayed my feelings well enough to you.” You smile at her and Focalors’ grip on your hand tightens significantly.
You don’t say it, but she feels it. She has the authority of the everlasting waters — your tears, your agony, your pain. And it drowns her further and further until it suffocates her and dissolves her being, much like the dreaded prophecy she was tasked to solve by her predecessor.
Give it back. Give him back.
He was never gone. Focalors had not met him, but she knew of his existence. She knows what you want.
Focalors was blessed with great intelligence, and knew how to kill two birds with one stone. She had thought about it. She could solve the prophecy and fulfill your wish.
Focalors was a romantic as much as she had a flair for the dramatic. She loved humanity above all but perhaps her love for you exceeds that even just for a generous millimeter.
A quiet sigh escapes her lips.
“Applaud me for my performance once it ends, Your Benevolence.” She requested in a quiet voice, and she pities herself for feeling immense satisfaction from a mere wordless nod from you.
For you, who had accepted the humanity that Focalors loves, the archon would do the same. She would accept your selfish wish and make it come true, indulge in your quiet favor, be the one you will forever love and adore even in her death.
Haborym has heard of the tales of the great one. How the very world was shaped by your divine hands, like a sculptor carving out the features of your next masterpiece. But that was only after the First Pyro Archon had gained control over the Pyro Gnosis roughly a thousand and five hundred years ago, one that uncovered the existence of a will greater than the ones that ruled over them from above.
However, most of the people of Natlan remain blissfully unaware of one of the many secrets that the lineage of Pyro Archons have known by their succession to the heavenly throne.
They were unaware of Xbalanque’s great failure in gaining your favor. The failure of the first Pyro Archon that assumed the throne. And the next archons in line that failed after it.
It was much like the pilgrimage, once an archon, not only are they tasked to care for Natlan’s delicate situation against the Abyss, their people, but also they must try again to gain your favor. It was like a tradition, an obligation even — passed down from one archon to another, seeing how they can succeed in what Xbalanque, as great as he was, completely failed at.
Perhaps you were exasperated by the constant badgering for the Pyro Archons that came before Haborym, because somehow, before she could even get to you, you had appeared before her during the havoc that Khaenri’ah’s incident has wreaked upon your lands. You came to her while she finished wringing out every bit of life of any Rifthound that threatened the lives of her people.
She had exerted much of her energy, and though she had enough energy still for more confrontations along with the revered heroes of Natlan, you had come to aid her even for a second. She felt your cooling touch that soothed any aches that rooted deep within her from the abyssal creature’s devastating attacks. She is mostly certain that any normal person would crumble into dust if they even were swiped at by one measly claw of these things.
Regardless, that was the first time you and her had met. Haborym barely registered the truth in your identity before you swiftly disappeared.
And now confusion only grows more evident in her core as she watched you, sat atop the tallest valleys in Natlan’s many plateaus. You sat, cross-legged as you watched the nation slowly recover from its terribly huge loss. You seemed lax, for someone having witnessed the lands of your creation nearly succumb to the abyss. But you were hardly fazed, with your face resting on the palm of your hand.
“…I must extend my apologies.” You finally spoke, breaking the silence.
Haborym feels a sense of camaraderie, and oddly enough, it prompts her to sit beside you. Her fellow archons — whether within Natlan or among the other nations — have always placed you on such a high pedestal. However perhaps it was because Haborym was a human before she was… well, Haborym.
But the humanity that dwelled within her thrives and connects with what she can perceive as a small island of humanity within the seas of your divinity. It was small, but it was irrational, loving, and resentful, all emotions hardly any gods, much less a higher being like you should never be bothered with.
Haborym takes a deep breath before nodding, “I accept your apology.”
She thinks she’s doing better than the preceding Pyro Archons when she heard your laughter. Somehow, Teyvat grew a little brighter upon that single moment.
“I believe I have a hand in the failure of Natlan. The reason why your nation has suffered far more devastating blows was because of the weak constitution of the leylines,” you explained, and it was not news to her. It had been the consistent problem that hung over the heads of the previous Pyro Archons, and now hers.
Haborym nods. She doesn’t ask the question of why, and patiently waits for what else you have to say.
“I am certain you don’t need any explanation, however… I created this place without factoring in the possibility of your kind’s creation. Had I known, your lands would not have been the backdoor for the darkness that threatens to consume the lives of your people.”
You smiled a little, throwing a glance at Haborym, “…You must understand, I am a creator in belief that all good things must become bad… and all bad things must become good. I believe in the equilibrium of the worlds — that all must learn the essence of balance. It is why Teyvat is my masterpiece, because it encapsulates my belief.”
“Creation must face destruction, and destruction must birth creation. That is the essence of my samsara.”
Your words felt like a hint, and Haborym’s eyes dart towards the heart of Natlan, where the Sacred Flame burns bright and hot.
And Haborym was taught from a young age that a true god’s wisdom is never something to overlook.
You had to applaud the collective effort of everyone in Teyvat. Five hundred years later and it keeps thriving from the devastating cataclysm. And now you have met a fitting champion to wield your will. Though they only wished to see their sibling.
The Heavenly Principles finally did something right in setting the stage as your challenger.
Your gaze drifts from the piece of land in the unreachable parts of the sky, down to the tea that you were wonderfully having with the bearer of your tears.
Focalors was right — her performance was unbearably long, however intensely impressive. You had honored her sacrifice with a permanent seat in the dining table of your private sanctuary nestled within the dark seas of Teyvat, where only the seats were personally crafted by you and were only enough to fit the humongous forms of the dragons that once ruled over your world.
She, among the other divinities that were not of your creation, was the first to earn your respect and genuine love.
“Is the tea to your liking?”
You still find yourself looking up on instinct just to meet the sharp gaze of the Hydro Sovereign, only to look back down to see a human being as his incarnation. Though his piercing gaze was certainly not lost on you.
“Hot enough,” you mumbled, “Bitter enough,” you added, recalling the tastes of one divine puppet that found his way back to you through your golden champion and little Buer’s rehabilitation.
Neuvillette quietly basked in the grace of your being. You had not changed one bit. He had recalled your presence when you first met him within the little tunnel on the side of Palais Mermonia during his break, and after Focalors’ final act, he was consumed with memories of you when you first descended in Teyvat.
As the bearer of your tears, he was your sole confidant, something even his fellow sovereigns envied him for all those years ago.
“…I have many questions,” he prompted the conversation, refusing this first meet to be mere session of stewing in silence and basking in each other’s presence. It was clear how dear he was to you, but his memories that eluded him suddenly came crashing down certainly gave him a terrifying and confusing time.
You had nowhere to be, and the traveler was busy with their affairs and many other adventures.
“We have all the time now,” you chuckle, watching the tiny whirlpool in your tea after stirring in a pinch of sugar. “After all, reunions are meant to be focused on reconciling with one another, like two old friends who have lost touch for… thousands of years perhaps.”
“Though I understand my… old life… was subjected into being your confidant for eons to come, I must exercise my impartiality to you.”
You laughed, amused at Neuvillette’s words. Though you respect him as a friend, nodding along. A creation could never judge a creator — it is what many among your fellow artisans have believed. But you have seen when worlds have rallied against their creator, and some have managed to kill theirs for justice or desperation.
You once walked the world of a now deceased colleague, who created a world filled with oppression, where the waters do not flow, and the pantheon of that very world have sought to fight the very god that created them in the first place.
Cruel as it was, you relished in bathing in that artisan’s never ending tears, flowing from their closed eyes as their decapitated head became the new mountain that births fresh water to their creation.
Nevertheless, for hours, you were subjected into endless questions, interrogated from left to right by the Hydro Sovereign that wanted answers more than anything. You had the key and had willingly opened the chest to him, absolving him of the troubles that might have weighed down on him once he received the Hydro Authority that was rightfully his when Focalors killed herself before his eyes.
The questioning only boils down to two questions left. Significant enough for Neuvillette to base his new opinion of you.
However you only had one proper answer for one of them.
“…Do you detest the Heavenly Father for his actions against the new order?”
You had thought long and hard about it. You wandered Teyvat for years to understand what you felt about it.
And you had the proper answer for it.
“Nibelung did what he had to do,” your eyes glazed over, and Neuvillette follows your gaze. Before he could think you were being disingenuous, you focused your attention back to him, gazing firmly into his eyes. “I had thought I felt injustice and resentment for his… foolish actions.”
You picked up the teacup, savoring the bitterness that the liquid offered.
“However I came to realize that he was desperate enough to seek the forbidden knowledge. Only then was I consumed with guilt. I mourned him and you and your brethren. Apep despised me when I visited her in the desert of Sumeru.” You recounted with a quiet hum. “I know not of what happened to the others, but I understand that my inaction may have forced his hand.”
“I feel guilt and I will prostrate myself as an apology before you if you so wish,” you offered.
Neuvillette thinks it was a coincidence when he felt the same. Him and his fellow sovereigns could have defended the world you had generously gifted them before. But a terrifying thought comes to his mind that perhaps his role as the Hydro Sovereign had him tethered to you even in his own emotions.
It was his new crisis — whether or not he truly feels guilt or if he merely shares it with how well connected he is to you.
“Please do not subject yourself in such a disgrace. You are my creator.”
“And my creations have been neglected until their death,” you countered with ease and Neuvillette doesn’t know if it was his programmed reverence that stops him from contesting you or that he also feels that your words ring true.
You stood up from your seat, walking over to him, and he basks in your presence yet again, nearly losing himself like how Fontainians before he had forgiven them dissolved within the Primordial Sea.
You pulled him in a gentle embrace, his stiff posture leaning awkwardly against your midsection as he sat still.
Neuvillette could hardly pull himself together. Your affection feels forced, an obligation that had to be done to console him, and further puzzles him if you shared his emotions or if you truly felt bad for the guilt that he claims he feels.
“…Then, if it is guilt that you feel. Do you resent humanity for flourishing in a world that does not have an allowance for their existence?”
That one, you had no answer for.
Humanity is so beautiful, but you had come to learn that you were merely tolerating them.
Neuvillette feels himself stiffen as your warm body grows cold in this one-sided embrace.
He may be the one responsible for judging the archons and the heavenly principles that had done you wrong.
But he was never the one to call the shots when judging the fate of this world.
After all, an artist can orphan their work once displeased.
Neuvillette just got you back. And he is certain that though the archons were tied within the Heavenly Principles, they desired your presence more than the ones they were expected to answer to.
You had graced him with a subtle kiss on his forehead, loving and forgiving.
“Focalors had you convinced that humanity was worth it,” you mutter, “So it must be true that they have something to offer.”
He looks up to see a small smile on your face.
Empty. Haunting. Grim.
“…If one dead god can convince you, how many do you think would it take to convince me?”
And just like the sky, your benevolence has never looked more fake.
#i do apologize for this long piece#everyone’s asking if i’m alive#yes i am thank u for asking#u might also be asking where your requests are#they are in the drafts sitting pretty#genshin impact x male reader#genshin impact x gn reader#venti x gn reader#venti x male reader#zhongli x gn reader#zhongli x male reader#ei x gn reader#ei x male reader#furina x gn reader#furina x male reader#mavuika x gn reader#mavuika x male reader#neuvillette x gn reader#neuvillette x male reader#nahida & reader#tryna tag it like ao3 for familial bonds ajsiwmdif#jhuzen’s stupid one shots#see u in five years 👋
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I don’t think we talk enough about how being love bombed can like really fuck you up??? Like yeah is it easy to identify from an outside perspective? Absolutely. But being in it and having someone devote that much time and attention to you (even if it is manipulative in nature) to then having it end abruptly when they’ve gotten what they wanted out of you… 🫠
#mine#text post#it’s so devious and sinister the way people can just do this to people#and every time I come out of it#I just feel so stupid and like of course that’s what was happening#why wouldn’t that be what was happening???#and not only does it feel super shitty to feel like you were being used#and also that like everything they said was just a ploy to get something from you#but like the withdrawal of attention is my least favorite part#because it feels nice to be pursued and flirted with and called pretty#and to have someone ask about your day#etc etc#but then when it disappears#you just feel awful#at least I do#and don’t even get me started on how it becomes so hard to believe people after that#to believe anything anyone says#to see yourself as desirable outside of manipulation and being used#just shitty shitty shitty#ruminating on things I shouldn’t#but was thinking about this tonight#having fallen prey to it so many times#sorry for the rant#I’m done now
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“i wish people still painted like this” while making a dig at modern art… YOU FOOL. YOU BUFOON. YOU IMBECILE. LIKE ???? THEY DOOOOOO THEY. DO.
#this bitch doesn’t know abt francine van hove#or bella wattles#or alexander volkov#NOT that they’re interested in actual classical painting practices or techniques…#they just think it’s fun to look stupid online …#i’m mad again …#like google contemporary oil painters. or contemporary still life artists. whatever it is you wanna see.#i promise there is an artist out there doing it. u freak.
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I think both TURN: Washington’s Spies and Assassin’s Creed III could’ve been cut in half if these three were allowed to be the trio they were destined to be
#assassin’s creed#turn: washington's spies#connor kenway#benjamin tallmadge#caleb brewster#ratonhnhaké:ton#art#my art#ac fanart#turn fanart#american revolution#I had sm fun drawing these guys last night#I gave Caleb like little apple cheeks bc I think it fits his vibe tbh#yeah I will forever be mad that the culper ring is barely in ac3#I think a lot of the issues in turn could also be solved if Connor was there and just like#picked abe up#then set him back down#I think it would’ve humbled him enough to not do stupid shit#anyways I’m back on my bullshit as yall can see
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