#and I’m graduating early!
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Wait a second.
I just realized I can do ✨anything✨ I put my mind to
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I don’t think this is going to be important this season but I would really like it to be.
#like this was mentioned way before Brennan made porter into a big bad#so I doubt there was anything behind it#but like cool ass idea that maybe Porter wanted to make Zelda the champion before Fig#it wouldn’t work out for him for a lot of reasons#like her religious devotion and early graduation would make it pretty much impossible#I haven’t heard anyone acknowledge it though I just want people to talk about Zelda again I miss her#(I’m getting desperate for a Zelda appearance)#fantasy high#d20 fantasy high#d20#dimension 20#fh#fhjy#fhjy spoilers#zelda donovan#ankarna#d20 the seven#d20 spoilers#fantasy high junior year#dimension 20 fhjy#zelda fantasy high#d20 fhjy#porter cliffbreaker
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Redraw of an oldie/color study
#I’d link to the old piece but idek if i ever posted it on here#can’t stop redrawing stuff lately idk why#I’ll probably have to stop for a bit tho bc I’m getting closer to graduation :#guh…#only a hint of destiel in this one#I think the original ‘story’ of the piece was that this was a photo cas took early into their relationship/being human for the second time#live laugh love I guess#art#fanart#illustration#spn#supernatural#aesthetic#dean winchester#spn fanart
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Putting some old wips and doodles here cause this week has been insane
#sundrop#fnaf daycare attendant#moondrop#fnaf sun#fnaf moon#eclipse#aaaaaaaaaa#graduation is so much work I’m gonna collapse#why do they have events so early in the day???#I just wanna sleep and draw
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mannnnnnnnbb fuck November I’m so tired of feeling lonely in my own life.
#lee’s bullshit#even being in [redacted] will not save you from the depths of November#trying to remind myself things are always changing and I can’t stop putting myself out there but I am tired.#what I am doing clearly is not enough in any respect and I am tired of feeling so worn to the bone all the time.#huge social miss today at the function. woke up late and ruined the schedule. couldn’t make a clear decision on dinner.#haven’t found a replacement roommate. haven’t finished my portfolio. haven’t applied to internships. haven’t finished my final project.#behind on everything and with every step I take I get pulled further and further backwards.#my roommate is graduating early and i feel like it’s my fault.#i shouldn’t blame myself for someone else’s bad behavior but im still beating myself up for being a cause for it.#my other roommate wants to move out to live on her own next year.#also blaming myself for that even tho its always on me to fix the mess of housing every damn semester#I’m just so tired of feeling like I’m not doing enough and even when I am that it just simply doesn’t matter.#saw one of my friends today but only for an hour. texting the group is like sending a blind pigeon out in a gale.#I know that things will get better but it’s just so hard . if someone genuinely asked how I was doing I could cry on the spot.#none of my friends are close enough anymore not at home not at school not in my family. there’s nowhere to go.#just tired. Going to go to bed soon. Hopefully tomorrow will be better.
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I will forever think about this guy in highschool repeatedly waved at me every time he saw me and went out of the way change his schedule to join my classes. One time I walked into the wrong room and he waved at me from across a 30 person classroom and shouted my name asking if I was transferring to that period. Who forced his friends to let me hang out with them and even asked me to do urbex with them at one point because it “seemed like something I would like.” Ranted about rappers he liked and when he asked about what music I like and I said folk punk (objectively one of the worst genres) he asked for a fucking list of recommendations. Worst part is, I didn’t even know his name. And I feel EXTREMELY guilty about it
I’m so fucking autistic how did I fumble that so badly Jesus Christ.
#blah blah blah#I graduated early like this past month so I don’t think it’s that weird to still think about this#he’d been doing that shit from freshman to senior year too#for context we were absolutely in the complete opposite social circles#I barely had a social circle in that school at all#I’m probably gonna regret over sharing with this later#but uhhhh#that’s future Kai’s problem
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what if I went crazy and got a certification in what is essentially digital cartography
#‘Geospatial information analysis’ whatever. Digital cartography sounds cooler#I’m on track to graduate early which isn’t ideal for me so I need more things to fill space#and well. What if I got certified to make maps. For the fuck of it#I dunno it sounds interesting!!! It’s the only thing to actually peak my interest so far#So what if I did huh. What then.#clamtalk
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You may think the hardest part about a phd is the coursework, or the research, or the teaching. But it’s actually all the fucking paperwork.
#Alex is blogging#Alex’s adventures in academia#anyway I’m on track for an early graduation#but I’m also about to lose funding because of some paperwork issues in docusign#lol wish me luck in resolving this before the deadline
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today is the first day in like a week i get to stay up in bed instead of literally working until i pass out. it’s 2am and I’m just now getting into bed but I’m giving myself an hour to read ❤️
#my posts#life is hell rn i work and i come home and pack until i pass out and then i wake up early to pack more then work then pack#and worst of all is we have nowhere to go. we’re getting a storage facility and staying at#my cousins house for a couple months to save money for a new place to live#once again another year being unable to go back to school I’m so tired of all of this i want to be okay#i want to skip to having graduated and gotten a job and live on my own with my animals and live in the city#I’m sick of this life the way it is and just hitting block after block#and i miss my brother more than i hate everything else going on i just want him back
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#negativity cw#suicide mention cw#<- not for me it’s for my mom#has anyone ever had a parent attempt suicide in front of them or threaten to do it?#And blame them for it?#My mom has told me about her suicidal ideation/blamed me for it ever since I was in my early teens#At least once every year#(As well as blame me for her impending divorce and issues w my dad )#she once attempted in front of me when I was 20 while blaming me for it#Easily the worst moment of my life#And something that haunts me is that she will never apologize for or regret what she did#And I just need to know that I’m not crazy for resenting her for it#When we otherwise have a good relationship#(Ofc me being graduated from college and living away from home and a full time job helps)#we had a family vacation this week that brought old feelings up to the boiling point#so I need reassurance now
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girls when life is not what u thought it would be and has instead become what u made of it
#FUUUCCCCKKKK MAN#I’m fine. probably gonna graduate a year later than I planned. don’t really want to do that but here I am#me when my disability disables me. why do I have the audacity to be shocked abt this#ok rant over. it’s early as hell the suns not up maybe I shouldn’t trust my thoughts !#cherry cherry emoji
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exciting news everyone I finally got hired please clap!!! I’m really excited and it’s at a medspa and my manager said a lot of trans people go there so I’m really excited to start. the days are long but that’s kind of okay w me because I’ll only work 3 days a week and I’ll still be getting like 30 hours. it also starts pretty early which makes me nervous but I’ll get used to it. and the pay is really good!! better than I was honestly prepared for. so my period of unemployment is finally gonna be over we’re gonna be making some MONEY! hopefully it works out for me, I start on monday so we’ll see how it goes!!!
#I’m nervous that I won’t be able to do it lowkey because my last job was less hours and not as early and it stressed me out so much#but I was also in school and my mental health was a lot worse#things are better now and I’ve had some time off after graduation so I’ll be nice and rested and ready to take on the world#I want to be confident that I’ll do a good job#I am very capable my last job just sucked……..I really feel like things are going to be better this time around#and it’s a new field and new people and new place so!!! yay!!!!!!!
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I am. Clam.
#ra speaks#personal#like. logistically. I know it’s fine. it’s going to be fine. even if it’s the worst 40-65 minutes of my graduate career it’s only 40-65 mins#but it shouldn’t be bad bc I’ve practiced and I know my stuff#but also. anxiety bees in my chest go brrrrr#I’m thinking of getting up early to go to the class room and just make sure all the tech works.#like it should. in theory. but also.#I wouldn’t mind doing a practice run in an empty classroom instead of at my dorm desk.
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i want a puppy so much
#organization i raise for has a litter on the way#they’re gonna be related to iris too which is nice#also speaking of iris she’s doing awesome from what i hear#she’s a west coast girl now she got placed as an explosive detection dog in california#very proud of her#but yeah pups will be ready to go to raiders in late june/early july and i hope i get offered one#i’m on the list of potential raisers and i know the org likes me#so as long as there’s enough puppies to go around#i should be given one and i’m so ready to give everything i can to make it an incredible service or facility dog#i’d be so happy if i can raise a successful service dog#i’m proud of my babies of course but i would be so happy for one to graduate as what my program specifically trains for
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The fact that a customer have the balls to say fuck off when they are in the wrong and fucked up themselves. The day I have the courage to fight back I will be absolutely unstoppable
#it’s not my fault you didn’t pay and got you account deleted and now can’t get a new one#sounds like a you problem#also I wasn’t mean I was calm and collected#I’m just angry because all this customer service data and we have certain goal#I mean it’s early in the month so it should be fine#i’m just so tired#hopefully I can when I graduate do smth else and I can skip these customers
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introvert goes to social event and regrets it; wishes she stayed home instead: more at 7
#feeling extremely out of place#only reason i’m here is bc i’m staff#everyone else knows each other or went to school together#i didn’t graduate from this place so i feel like an outsider#and i rode w my parents so i can’t just slip out early#i’m tired and anxious
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