#and I wish I could say it's melodramatic because it reads like it is

[jezabelle9299]

Read My Diary S.R x FEM! Reader

Overture- Spencer comes home to you sitting on the floor mid-closet cleanout reading a book he's never seen before. Also I only wrote one entry because I could not for the life of me think of another one.

C-W's- Kissing, yearning, general pining. And one use of Y/N

A/N- I wrote this on a whim to get my mind off a job interview tomorrow so if you hate it please don't tell me!

March 23- Spencer was so sweet today. He read over my shoulder, and all I could think about was how stupid happy he makes me. And yet– we aren’t together. Penelope thinks he likes me,  and I really wish I could believe her, but he doesn’t see me that way. No matter how much I want him to.

But now of course, you were together. And he was still making you stupid happy, and Penelope was right as always. So you giggled to yourself as you read through the rest of the entries. You, pining for Spencer, the excitement of your first date, until just about the first time you said ‘I love you’ and you stopped writing. Anything you wanted to say you could just tell him, you didn’t have to write it down anymore. 

“What are you reading…on the floor?” You looked up and couldn’t believe you didn’t hear the door open. You knew he was coming home, so you were just trying to bide time by cleaning out your closet. You got distracted by an old diary you hadn’t written in for months and ended up settled on the floor of your bedroom. 

Spencer was confused, both by the fact that you were on the floor, and by the fact you were surrounded by old clothes you hardly ever wore, reading a book he’d never seen before. And even more curious at what had gotten you so wrapped up you apparently didn’t hear him come in. Whenever you got that into a book, you always told him about it. Every detail of what you liked about it, and he’d listen to every word. But instead of lighting up and telling him everything, you got sheepish and replied with a sing-songy “Nothing”. He gave you a skeptical look, but left it at that. 

He set his things down to join you on the floor, reading over your shoulder like he always does. What was once an excuse to get close to you, looking at case files together, became a show of just how much he loves you. But when he kissed you on the cheek and you looked down, realizing what he was about to read, all rational thought was out the window. On instinct you threw the book through the open doorway and halfway down the hall, and because that wasn’t enough you even screamed “No!”

Spencer just shifted to look at your face from his position behind you, trying to figure out what that outburst was. “Would you like to tell me what that was about?” But instead of answering the question, you just turned around, propping yourself up and putting your knees on either side of his legs before settling into his lap. Of course, because you loved to be close to your amazing boyfriend, but also to essentially anchor him to the floor. 

“So babe–” You put your arms around his neck and kissed him on the cheek to hopefully distract him. “Wanna go for a walk? Ooo! Or we could go to the movies!! You love the movies.” He laughed, but you knew you hadn’t gotten away with it. 

“I do love the movies, but I think I’d love even more if you told me why you’re so upset because of the idea of me reading that. You don’t have to tell me what it is, or let me read it of course. But what made you so upset that you had to throw it?”

It would be so much easier to lie to him if he was a worse boyfriend. But no, he had to be one of the most sweet, intelligent, caring people you knew. 

“Spencer, you know I don’t keep secrets from you. It’s not that, but–” You let out a melodramatic sigh as you buried your face in his shoulder. “If you read that you’ll think I’m so insanely, remarkably, dorky you’ll never want to go out with me again.” It was all he could do not to laugh. You were embarrassed, but you were also being completely ridiculous. The idea that anything on this Earth could make him love you less was laughable. And the idea that you would be too dorky for him? Of all people? Utterly insane. 

“Hey Y/N? Darling? Love of my life? Have you realized who you’re talking to? I love you more than anything, and the idea that you could be too dorky for me is as adorable as it is absurd.” 

“It’s an old diary… there’s– there’s yearning. For you specifically, and you’ll think I’m crazy and weird.” He laughed into your shoulder, and distracted you by kissing from your shoulder to your collarbone, before gently pulling you from his lap to set you down next to him. Then while you still had your eyes closed, he got up. He got up, and ran to go read the thing that you thought could ever make him love you any less. 

He opened up to a random page near the beginning and there it was. Everything that he thought you’d never noticed before you started dating, laid out on the page. Things he couldn’t stand about himself, you talked about with love before he’d even gotten the courage to ask you out. You thought that he didn’t like you back, and he wished he’d written down his feelings so that you could read about how he loved you before he could even think of telling you. He knew no matter how many times he told you, you’d never realize just how deeply you were ingrained in his very soul. 

And by the time he decided he was done reading, clearing half of the pages in just a few minutes, you had gotten on the bed, and buried your face –along with your shame– in the pillows. He gently rubbed your back to let you know he was done. “Hey honey? Do you want to come out of the pillows now?” And you just shook your head, not quite ready to face him yet.

“Ok, stay in there as long as you like, but for the record I would love to see your beautiful face. Now I’ve only read a bit of this, but I can say with 100% certainty that I don’t think you are weird, crazy, or dorky. I love you and I don’t love you any less because you loved me while I was too stupid and insecure to ask you out.” That finally got you to sit up and look at him. He didn’t freak out, or run, or decide that you were so totally lame that he could no longer be with you. 

“I love you too”

“Hey look at that, she’s back.” And he moved your hair behind your shoulder so that he could see your face. 

“No you tricked me with affection, you don’t get to tease me yet.” 

“You’re right. And for the record– I wish that I’d written down my feelings for you so that you could see how much I’ve always loved you.” He kissed all over your face, quick pecks to show you how much he meant what he was saying. 

“Well I’ll just have to see what secret shames are in the back of your closet, and we can call it even.” 

“Deal.”  

[pochipop]

＃FNAF MOVIE !! ♡ — IT'LL BE ALRIGHT (MIKE SCHMIDT X READER).

#. synopsis! — mike is used to walking on eggshells, just waiting for another tragedy, and you really don’t want to be just another person who's let him down.

#. characters! — mike schmidt .

#. warnings! — vague references to past traumatic events (canon compliant) , references to a verbal argument .

#. word count! — 1.8k .

#. alt accounts! — @ddollipop (nsfw) @hhoneypop (moodboards) .

#. others! — navigation & masterlist .

Mike is used to people leaving. They come and they go like stray cats who've found someone better to nab food off of, —leaving him with more ghosts in his life than he'd care to admit. At least these ones are metaphorical and melodramatic, though. His saving grace has been the fact that he chooses wisely who to introduce Abby to, just in case. She's been through enough, and she's so young that the absence of anyone would be duly noted. Not that it isn't when it comes to himself, it's just. . . He's learned how to live with loss. Maybe not effectively, but he does it, and for right now, that's probably as good as it's getting.

He's got more pressing matters to attend to. He always does. That's what he argued about with you, —what he fought tooth and nail to defend, even when you backed off. At the end of it, he knew he'd gone too far for no real reason. He wasn't arguing with you at that point, he was arguing with all the people that have left him starved for their affections and their care. The words he said to you were so far beyond your scope that it was almost pathetic to think about all the bullshit he unloaded on you like it was somehow your job to fix it, even when he knew it wasn't. So really, it's no wonder he's adding you to that list of people who've walked away.

For once, he truly deserved it. 

And now he's got to explain this to Abby. Because she likes you almost as much as he does, —almost being the operative word there. Mike sucks at a lot of things, and showing you he cares tends to be one of them, but he loves in his own ways. . . And now, he fears he'll have to do it from afar.

He sort of wishes Abby was the kind of kid he could bribe with ice cream for breakfast to break bad news to. It'd be easier to scoop her some off-brand Neopolitan and tell her she'd never see you again if that would help soften the blow. But it won't, and he knows that. He knows her too well to even try.

Still, he finds himself putting chocolate chips in her pancakes that morning in spite of himself.

When he places the plate in front of her, she narrows her eyes, as if to ask him what he's done so wrong. . . Asking what he's offering silent apologies for in the form of sweet pockets stolen away inside her favorite breakfast food. He opens the fridge in search of orange juice just to avoid her gaze.

Before she can even take a bite, he opens his mouth.

"Listen, Abby—"

She looks up at him with those big, doe eyes, and he probably would have cut himself off anyway if not for the knock on the front door. Mike mumbles for her to hold that thought, then goes to check who's outside.

And there you stand a little awkwardly on his doorstep, a brand new bottle of orange juice in your hand. Once again, it's like you've read his mind, and he's as sick of it as he is thankful for it, especially right now. Still, he can't turn you away.

"Morning," you say, almost hesitantly. "I brought juice. . ."

He tries to think of something to say, but hears the quick pitter-patter of Abby's feet fastly approaching. She calls your name so happily, and you smile at her.

"Good morning to you too," you laugh, returning the hug she gives you with no hesitation.

Mike just stares, as if he can't believe you're even here right now. If you're just here to grab the items of yours strewn about his house, he feels like the least you could have done was wait until Abby was asleep or something.

"Can I have some?" Abby asks, pointing to the orange juice in your hand.

"Yeah, that's what it's for," you smile, handing the bottle to her.

She scurries off to the kitchen to pour herself a glass.

"Mike," you say softly now that she's out of earshot, "can we—"

"I'll get your stuff together," he cuts you off.

Your jaw slacks.

"What?" Is the only thing you can manage to muster up in response.

"You could've done this at a different time," he snaps, trying to keep quiet so Abby doesn't hear. "It's gonna be ten times harder on her now for me to explain why you're not coming back."

You stare at him, trying not to cry. Out of all the things you expected to happen this morning, such a drastic change of heart on his part wasn't one of them.

"You. . . You're breaking up with me?" You question.

He pauses, a lot of the frustration dissipating from his features, replaced by genuine confusion.

"Didn't you already break up with me?" He asks.

Your brows knit together quizzically. 

"No? What are you even talking about, I never said I wanted to break up with you," you point out.

Sure, you didn’t say it. But most of the others had never said it either. It was like flipping a lightswitch. One minute they were there, and the next they weren’t. That's why he'd gotten so good at keeping his relationships at a distance, and he'd taken the biggest leap of faith in introducing you to his sister.

"Yesterday evening?" He says, but it sounds more like a question.

"We had an argument," you acknowledge. "It was stupid, and you hurt my feelings. I'm sure I hurt yours too. That doesn't mean I want us to be over."

Mike stares at you like he's not sure what to say, because he isn't. He's not used to someone caring enough to fight for him, and for what festers between himself and someone else. He's learned to let go before the thread pulls too tight, —before it wraps around his throat and slices through every defense he's built up for the sake of protecting himself, his heart, and the little girl that depends on him.

"Mike," you say softly, almost cautiously. "I care about you. One bad night doesn't change that. . . Not for me."

God, it was stupid. It was so stupid. You weren't even mad at him specifically, and you're fairly certain he wasn't really angry with you in particular either. Long days on both your parts collided like a warm front to a cold one, and the things both of you said in the wake of it were uttered through venom and gritted teeth. Sweeping generalizations, a lot of rolling eyes, some tears that were more about frustration than they were anything else. . . But you still loved him at the end of it, even as you found yourself walking home alone.

In fact, that walk was particularly sobering. The crisp chill of the autumn evening was enough to convince you that you'd rather be back at his place where he keeps an extra toothbrush for you in the bathroom and emptied out a drawer just so you could have a place to store some clothes. The sleep you got in the night that followed was shallow at best, restless enough to leave faint bags beneath your eyes by morning, and you were determined to make up any excuse in the book just to swing by.

So you went out and got some orange juice, knowing there wasn't any left in the fridge, and you stood outside his door for a while, working yourself up just to knock. You thought about all the things you'd need to apologize for, and you were ready to push aside your ego if it meant Mike could understand just how much you care, even when you're upset.

He swallows, just to give himself something to do while he prolongs his own response, because he's just not sure what to say. Somehow, a part of him is whispering that this would be easier if you just didn't give a fuck. . . If last evening was the end, and he could go back to finding comfort in silence again.

That's how it's always been. Someone leaves, and he copes, and then he files them away with the rest. But here you are, and Mike knows he can't bring himself to put you in with the others.

"Mike, I'm—"

"No, I am," he breathes, reaching forward to pull you into his arms. "I'm sorry that I hurt your feelings, and I'm sorry that I suck at being a boyfriend, but I don't know what I'm doing and all I can tell you is that I'm trying."

He feels the tension meld away from you, and it's then, before you even open your mouth to reply, that he starts to think everything is how it should be.

"You don't suck at it," you answer lightly. "I know you're trying, and that's genuinely all I could ask for, and I'm sorry about yesterday evening. I was in a bad mood, and I took it out on you, and that wasn't right."

"We both took shit out on each other," he corrects, ready and willing to share the blame.

"True enough," you acknowledge with a weary smile, finally pulling away from his embrace.

"I'm sorry," he says again. "When things go wrong, I. . . I've just learned how to slam on the breaks. If I stop things before they feel like they'll suffocate me, I can avoid them. But I love you, and I know I don't want to avoid that."

"This isn't a one way street," you remind him. "Relationships are hard, and sometimes things happen in a way that they shouldn't, but I'm here for you, and I want to be here for you. . . It's not contractual. One bad night doesn't take away all the times you've made me feel like the happiest person on the face of the planet, Mike."

He sniffles a little, then lets out a relieved sigh.

"Are you hungry?" He asks. "I can make you some pancakes. Chocolate chip."

You raise an eyebrow.

"Chocolate chip? Are you apologizing to Abby for something?"

God, a part of him hates that he's so obvious, but another part loves that you know him so well. It makes him feel even stupider for just assuming that you'd be willing to throw in the towel after one rough night.

"No, not really," he shakes his head. (Not anymore, at least.)

Mike glances toward the kitchen, just to make sure Abby's still preoccupied with her breakfast, then steals a quick kiss from your lips.

"I'm sorry," he says again.

You smile.

"Me too."

"And I love you," he adds.

Your smile widens.

"I love you too. Promise."

With that, he pulls you to the kitchen, and you sit down beside Abby at the table. She tells you that when breakfast is done with, she'd like to show you some new drawings she's done, and you nod, telling her you're excited to see them. And you are.

Mike stands at the stovetop, his back to the both of you, not bothering to bite back his grin. 

He feels his foot ease off the break.

[venusgirltarot]

What Would An Album About You Sound Like?

Disclaimer: This reading is for entertainment purposes only. Tarot readings are about possibilities based on your current energy. Energy is forever changing and nothing is set in stone. Always remember, you have your own free will to make whatever decision you feel is best.

Close your eyes, take a deep breath, envision the person you are thinking of and then choose the pile(s) you feel most drawn to.

Pile One

Ahhh okay this is so cute. Im going to try to explain this as best as I can, Pile 1. So this seems like a concept album. The idea of the album (not the sound but idea ya know) reminds me of “Melodrama” by Lorde. I’ll leave a quote here for a better description but it’s like a concept album about a single night

“Melodrama is described as a loose concept album that explores the theme of solitude, in the framework of a single house party with the events and moods that entail it”

The album about you is similar in the sense that it’s a “loose concept album” but it’s about the writer seeing you. It’s like you’re at this party that the songwriter is also at and they’re obsessed from the moment they lay eyes on you. You’re like this beautiful unobtainable being to them and they want to get to know you so bad but they just can’t seem to talk to you. This could also progress to a one night stand that never progresses to more because of a lack of communication to this album is going through the writer meeting you and watching you throughout the night and then goes into their regrets and what they wish they would have said to you the next day, if that makes sense.

They see you at a party and think you’re so beautiful but can’t seem to find the words to tell you that. I keep hearing “I like the way my bedsheets look on your body” from “hello!” By role model. (I believe that’s the right song but lmk if it’s wrong so I can fix it!) and I keep being reminded of this musician on TikTok “Chappell Roan” and their song “Red Wine Supernova” I think that’s similar to what this album would sound like and it also fits the aesthetic. I highly recommend you listen to this song because it fits your album so perfectly. I tried to find a lyric that resonates the best to include but they all work so well that I couldn’t choose.

Despite this entire album being about only you and just one night leading into the next morning, it’s still so diverse (I hope that makes sense) like you’d think there’s only so many songs you could write about a 12ish hour time frame and one person but this writer has endless things to say about you and the night you met them. I could see one song having a feature and it’s later in the album somewhere between tracks 7-12 or so. The aesthetic of the album is very neon lights, the dance floor on prom night after everything has died down and people are starting to go home, slow, melodramatic and just really pretty. Again, I highly recommend you check out “Red Wine Supernova” because it fits so well.

Track list:

1. Pretty

2. Blooming

3. missing you

4. Shinning Eyes

5. Dying Slow

6. Party Streamers

7. Old Fashioned (Feat. Another Artist)

8. Starlight

9. Nova’s Surprise

10. Sunset

11. morning after

12. You

Pile Two

Pile two, your album sounds like one written by Hozier, Noah Kahan or The Lumineers. It reminds me a lot of “Angela” by The Lumineers. Specifically the lyric “Angela, spent your whole life running away” and “vacancy, hotel room, lost in me, lost in you” it also reminds me of Ethel Cain in the sense that it’s a concept album about running away and starting a new life (but not as dark as ethel’s and with a much better outcome than she got. I heard “success story” it’s about leaving behind a difficult past and moving forward. There’s hope for the future in these songs, remembrance of the past and healing trauma. It’s a beautiful album with a good balance of different emotions. I could see this album coming with a short film or a series of music videos that piece together to tell a store. Similar to “III” by the Lumineers.

I keep hearing a few snippets from the deluxe version of “Stick Season” (that will be out June 9th 👀) like “Medicate meditate swear your soul to Jesus / Throw a punch fall in love give yourself a reason” or “we ain’t angry at you love, you’re the greatest thing we’ve lost” it’s such a beautiful album with so much soul and emotion.

I could see this album getting an acoustic live version that artists do sometimes like “Album, live from Wherever” you know? This album has very unique and catchy lyrics that stick with people, the type of lyrics people take and sell on things in their Etsy shop or use as a quote in their yearbook or put in their instagram bio. It almost feels like poetry. I also heard “escapism” this is the type of music that paints a picture and takes you somewhere else. This album will kind of chronologically tell a story about you moving forward and healing from trauma and finding a peaceful ending. Ending with a song like “Angelia”

Track list

1. movement

2. Adelaide’s Interlude

3. mother

4. farmhouse

5. leave me behind

6. baby blue

7. mustang

8. you’re gonna go far

9. more than this

10. peace

11. at your own pace

12. growing pains

13. at last

Pile Three

I feel like this album has a soft rock sort of sound? Like hozier with a rockier edge if that makes sense? It reminds me of the way hozier sings about love. He sings about a very deep and impactful love and his writing his like poetry and I think that’s what an album about you would sound like. I think this album could be about the writer/musician fighting feelings for you because they’re focused on career or are just concerned about the outcome of the relationship. They might have a fear of falling or something.

However, the last card I pulled was the 10 of cups so the outcome is very good. I feel like this album is coming from a reflective place like this is after yourself and your spouse have settled down and had kids or pets or whatever you would like and your partner is looking back at your relationship from the very beginning up until now and writing about it.

I keep hearing “I’m in love with an emo girl” I don’t think this is what the album will sound like but maybe that’s your aesthetic/vibe? This might just be conformation for you. I also keep hearing that Shania Twain song “you’re still the one” this is the kind of album that fans would dissect like narrow down the time you met your person and talk about every lyric and how that lyric relates to you and your relationship etc. this album talks about how devoted and in love with you your person is but also talks about the (I heard “trials and tribulations”) it took for you two to get there so it may include religious reference. Like religion by Lana Del Rey or Don’t Blame Me by Taylor Swift where there’s this slight aspect of religion/devotion to your partner.

You hear a lot about how you have to actively choose your partner everyday to make a long term relationship work and this album would definitely delve into that a little. It could also be produced by you and your partner’s mutual friends or people who have been there since the beginning or very early in in your relationship. I think this would be a longer album and there’s definitely 18+ songs on there 👀

Track list

1. October

2. Cosmic

3. Full Moon

4. Bourbon Street

5. She’s All Over Me

6. Starla

7. The Empress

8. Diamond Eyes

9. Find More of Me

10. Dreamscape

11. Escapades

12. Midnight

13. You’re All I Need

14. Mirror

15. Apartment 32

16. Deep End

17. Eternity

[toushindai]

totk spoilers but are we ACTUALLY meant to think it’s poetic or flattering or triumphant that Rauru was like “oh YEAH? Well in thousands of years this guy called Link is gonna kick your ass”

How much has he even heard about Link? He must have had at least one more conversation about him with Zelda because the Master Sword doesn’t come up in the Zelda and Sonia tear, and by the King’s Duty tear Rauru’s just like oh don’t worry, if we don’t finish Ganondorf off I’m sure your bf can handle him. As I’ve said before, his “We rely on your knight” line rubbed me the wrong way starting with its appearance in the trailer, and it really does not feel less entitled after watching said knight (and that legendary sword he carries) very very VERY nearly get one-shotted by Ganondorf at the beginning of the game. And Zelda knows this! What does she feel watching her Better Dad Substitute sacrifice himself and simultaneously sic the evil bad guy on Link—a siccing which explicitly shapes Ganondorf’s attitude towards Link at the beginning of the game? At what point did she have the emotion of “welp. I know why Ganondorf knew Link’s name now.” The musical blending of the LOZ theme/hero’s theme with Rauru’s theme seems to suggest that it’s not an emotion meant to be had at exactly that moment, but I cannot watch Rauru sneer “remember that name” without yelling HE DOESN’T NEED THAT INFORMATION at the screen.

I played through the GSI in Japanese recently and Rauru did seem a touch less entitled to Link than I’ve been reading him—mostly because of the formal, polite, outgroup-equal language he used with him—but I still can’t get over the extent to which Rauru heard about Link a few times and decided, sight unseen, that he was going to clean up Rauru’s mess. My man what made you think that. What gave you the right to decide that. And how frightening to be Zelda and watch Rauru pin all the world’s hope on her beloved knight who Ganondorf absolutely fucking wiped the floor with. We see this worry in her in the Master Sword in Time cutscene! To what extent can Zelda’s transformation and before that her petition to the other tribes of Hyrule for Link’s sake be understood as a forced action due to Rauru’s conviction that Link could do this no sweat? Almost entirely, I feel—but does the game know that?

I just. Isn't it intentional? Doesn't it have to be? The fact that Rauru already needs the correction, once, that he cannot and should not face the Demon King alone. Then his melodramatic claim that Link has got this on lock. Then Zelda being like 😬 not sure about this actually and going through the whole process of talking to the ancient sages + draconifying for the sake of the Master Sword. Because Rauru absolutely set Link up to fail and Zelda is the one making sure Link has the resources, including the support of others, he needs to succeed. And the game is so much about community, about not doing things on your own.

And yet the way the scene is scored and animated and the way all the other characters talk about Rauru's sacrifice seems to treat this as a a moment of culmination, of triumph. I am getting such mixed messages here.

Understand, I’m saying all of this with an aching fondness for this poor self-deluded hypocrite. And also teeth-grinding frustration. I think he deserves to feel suffocatingly humiliated when Link almost didn’t survive Ganondorf’s attack and I also have tremendous sympathy for the shame and terror that it might be far too late to correct his mistake that he must have felt as he waited for Link to wake up. Both of those things. Hopelessly lonely man who found people to love him and built himself into a role he was never adequate for. I wish the game looked at this a little more. I wish I could tell if the game intended this at all.

(This is not the most intelligently written post but I assure you I mean every word of it.)

[jean-meowreau]

Oh shoot I forgot to share this here lol. Kinktober over on Twitter.

Read on AO3:

or here! (below the cut)

Tags: Trans Male Character, Trans Andrew Minyard, FTM andrew minyard, Phone Sex, Mutual Masturbation, Praise Kink, Multiple Orgasms, Sexual Roleplay, Sex Toys, Dildos

Andrew looks at himself in the mirror and sighs melodramatically. Was he this desperate? Perhaps.

Wearing one of Kevin's spare jerseys to send him photos while he's at an away game would be considered desperate. But he was a man with needs. His boyfriend is annoyingly attractive.

He moans quietly and reaches between his legs to rub his fingers across his already throbbing dick as flashes of Kevin dance through his overactive imagination. Sweaty in practice, lifting his jersey to wipe sweat off his face, exposing abs Andrew wants to drop to his knees to lick clean. A rare genuine smile as he presses up against Andrew's side & bends down to kiss him when Andrew picks him up from the airport. Large hands settled on his hips, lifting him, throwing him into bed. A tongue peeking out as he grins & disappears between Andrew's legs.

He groans in frustration at the fact Kevin is gone for another two days as he sets a dildo on their mattress beside his boxers and snaps a photo to send to Kevin. His phone starts ringing a few seconds later and he does his best to sound annoyed when he picks up.

"What do you want, Day?"

"Andrew, you can't send me a photo like that and not expect me to call you."

"Well, you're not here to help me."

Kevin scoffs. "I'm out making money that I spoil you with."

"Would rather have you here, now."

"You're playing dirty."

"I distinctly remember you like it that way," Andrew says, cursing himself for how breathless he sounds. He lays on his back on the bed and reaches between his legs, sighing quietly as he rubs against the underside of his dick.

"You're going to touch yourself and not let me see?"

"You think you deserve to?"

"Yes," Kevin says without hesitation. "Because I know you're thinking about me while you do."

Andrew groans in a mixture of affectionate annoyance & a bit at how Kevin's confidence makes him feel. "You should be illegal," he mutters as he sits up & moves his nightstand from the wall to prop his phone against his alarm clock. He puts in an earbud & switches to FaceTime, laid lazily across the bed with one of his legs propped up. Kevin accepts the invite in record timing. When his face pops up on his screen, Andrew winks at him. "A little excited, are we?"

Kevin doesn't reply, his dark eyes darting back and forth as he takes in the sight of Andrew laid across their bed. "Andrew..."

"What?" He asks as he trails his fingers down his inner thigh, between his legs.

"You're a dick," Kevin mutters. "May I join?"

"Only if I get to watch, too."

"I don't tease," Kevin huffs out, shuffling around before propping his own phone against a nightstand in his room.

"I don't wear your fucking jersey and send cryptic texts."

"Big man is acting like he's not already leaking," Andrew scoffs, reaching for the dildo as he greedily takes in the sight of Kevin's dick. "I hate how pretty literally every inch of you is."

Kevin groans quietly at the praise, grabbing the base of his dick to give it a squeeze before stroking from base to tip.

"Good boy," Andrew murmurs. "Wish I could blow you right now."

"Fuck," Kevin mutters, hips shifting as he sets a steady pace with his fist around his dick. "What I'd give for some decent head right now."

Andrew reaches over and ends the call. Kevin immediately calls back and Andrew lets it ring a few times before answering. "What the fuck--?"

"Call my head decent again and I will never blow you ever again."

Kevin whines high in the back of his throat. "I didn't mean--"

"I don't care," Andrew interrupts as he reaches between his legs again. "Say 'Yes, Andrew'." He rubs over his dick as he hears the words, moaning quietly after. "Good boy, Kev."

"A-Andrew--"

"Yeah?" He asks, smirking as he groans softly, slowly fucking into himself with the toy as he watches Kevin run his thumb across the slit and gather his pre.

He raises his thumb close to the camera so Andrew can see the way it drips down. "I'm so fucking wet for you."

"Motherfucker," Andrew hisses between clenched teeth, legs snapping shut around his arm as he buries the toy in to the hilt and rubs against his dick, trying to enjoy the sudden onslaught of an orgasm tearing through him. "Fuck you, Day."

Kevin whines quietly and stills his hand, squeezing the base of his cock before whimpering, "Want you in me, Drew."

"Yeah?" Andrew huffs out as he turns and aims his spread legs to the camera. He sits up so Kevin can see his jersey before grabbing the base of the dildo and slowy fucking into himself again. "Best I can do is let you watch."

"Fuck," Kevin breathes out, shifting closer to his phone. The sound of his fist around his cock grows in volume, and the angle shifts so Kevin's face is in frame. "Drew, fuck. Fuck, you look so fucking good."

"I know," Andrew huffs, annoyed at the way he blushes at the words. "Shut up."

"No. I'll never stop telling you how handsome you are."

Andrew groans quietly, he tells himself it's in protest, but his thighs are already shaking again and he speeds up his own movements, fucking into himself with the dildo a bit faster.

"D-Drew," Kevin stutters, fumbling with his phone so his dick is back in view. His cockhead is an angry red, pre dripping steadily from the tip as his fist pumps up and down, shifting to just the tip. "I-I'm gonna--!"

"Wait for me," Andrew gasps out, closer to a plea than he wants to admit to himself.

"Drew!"

Andrew moans happily at the desperation in Kevin's voice, reaching with his free hand to rub the heel of his palm against his dick. "God, you sound so good when you're a whiny bitch."

"𝘈𝘯𝘥𝘳𝘦𝘸!" Kevin cries out, arm trembling. "Drew, I need--"

"You wanna cum?" Andrew coos. "Go on--" His voice catches on a loud moan, the edges of his vision pricking with little black dots as he strains his eyes to keep them open, to watch the way Kevin curls in on himself and his eyes screw shut, his jaw drops as he moans Andrew's name and spills across his hand.

"FUCK!"

Andrew moans, takes another second to drink everything in, then falls back on the mattress as his second orgasm tears through his system. The bedroom door opens and Kevin stumbles through, crossing the space and grabbing Andrew's knees.

"I couldn't keep it up, Drew. Fuck, c-can I-?"

Andrew laughs breathlessly, shifting on the bed before slowly parting his legs. "I'm surprised you made it that long..."

"I wanted to, you wanted to try roleplay-"

Andrew shushes him, taking a handful of his hair & guiding Kevin's face between his shaky legs. "Show me you're sorry."

Kevin shivers & licks his lips before diving down, squeezing Andrew's thighs before wrapping them around his head.

"Good fucking boy, Day," he moans happily.

[inevitably-johnlocked]

Hello Ms Steph

It's me

(I don't know if you remember me)

(I send you lots of kisses and good wishes for you and your future. For all you have done for me in the past.)

Either way, I'm here to tell you that it would be a great idea for you to do a "dangerously yours: masquerade AU "

For what? You may ask, mostly because it's my personal fantasy to read this conversation in the very voices of the two men we're hopelessly devoted to. if you understand me. the same is the following:

“You’re very clever, aren’t you? I can read you like a book now. You thought I was young, and easily swayed, that you could make me love you, and I would throw over my country—my duty for you—!”

“Thats not the way to look at it, Catheryne.”

“You weren’t so wise afterall! Because you’ve lost you hear me?! Lost! You’ve guessed wrong in our little duel of wits! You forgot how close hate is to love!”

“You don’t know what you’re saying Catheryne.”

“You never loved me—! You knew that I loved you, and you used that!”

“Catheryne stop talking like a child—we’re playing for countries now!”

“Yes we are, aren’t we!”

“This is a gun in my hand, Rudolph… i’d advice you to be careful what you say.”

“Well… rather melodramatic, aren’t you..? Tell me, will I be the 7th notch on the gun or the 8th?… haha…. d’you mind if I smoke?”

“…Smoke?!”

“…I always smoke at the theatre. Somehow it enhances the performance.”

“You can do anything you please, Rudolph, but you have very little time to do it in.”

“…You mean you’re actually going to kill me..?”

“I mean just that.”

“Well… go ahead.”

“…I’ll do this my own way… Look… you already know my purpose in being here. Now you will either give me my information, or I will kill you. You have until 9 o’clock.”

“You won’t do it. You can’t pull the trigger. You can’t pull it because you love me. It takes a very brave and a very cold woman to do that Catheryne, I don’t think you can… Isn’t that true? Isn’t that why you’re waiting…?”

“Thats not true!”

“Or is it that you want to watch your victim? You want my heart to constrict with agony, my hands to shake! You want me to plead for my life so you can make a generous gesture and spare me… Sorry Catheryne, I don’t seem to be in the mood for prayers tonight.”

“You don’t think i’ll do it? Thats why you’re so brave… You don’t think i’ll do it… You wouldn’t be so brave otherwise…! You’re a coward at heart! You lied to me, you decieved me—“

“You tried to decieve me.”

“—I’m tired of listening to you!”

“You gave me your heart you know… You’r like me to hand it back—whole again. But I won’t. You’ll live a long time yet Catheryne, an eternity without me. You will look into the faces of passers by hoping for something that will-- for an instant-- bring me back to you. You will find moonlit nights strangely empty because, when you call my name through them there will be no answer. Always your heart will be aching for me, and your mind will give you the doubtful consolation that you did, a brave thing.”

“You dare to talk of bravery…!”

“What else do we have to talk about Catheryne? For me— there will never be another woman but you… but for my heart there is another love that must come before you… my country!…… You’re so still, your face is like ice… what are you thinking Catheryne…?”

“What does anything you can say matter…? You betrayed me with words… What good are words when your heart is breaking… If I fail now I should deserve to die. You tricked me into loving you.”

“You’re forgetting that you came here for the same purpose!”

“I couldn’t have betrayed you… I tried to tell you and you said you already knew! I was as honest as I knew how to be!”

“Do you think I wanted to love you…?! Knowing where ya came from and what your mission was?! Don’t you suppose that every hour that we were together I was just thinking ‘Shes just pretending’?!”

“I wasn’t!!! I loved you!!!”

“And I loved you so much I let you pretend… because you brought something to my days I couldn’t stand the thought of losing…Listen to your heart Catheryne. Feel it pounding.”

“Your time is up.”

“Then my last words… I love you Catheryne.”

“You’re determined to die with a lie on your lips?!”

[BANG]

“I—… Love you.. Catheryne…!!”

“…Oh God..”

Dangerously yours was a radio show from the mis 1940's with 16 episodes (You can only find 13) each one 30 minutes long, everything was published (?) By Vicks. 'masquerade' is the first one. I had to steal the transcript from a comment in s Youtube video. For the younger generations, this one is that infamous sample in "cigarrettes out of the window" by TV girl. Do You know about anything like this in the fandom? Also an analysis is coming in another ask. I wish this finds you on excellent conditions.

Yours.

-id

Hey Lovely!

Ahhh, good to see you back!! I missed seeing you in my notes, hahah! Glad you're doing well!

SADLY, I do not know anything more about the suggested AU that you would like other than what you posted here, hahaha! But YES that would be an AMAZING convo for the boys to have!! I'm going to add this post to my prompts tag, but if anyone has a "Dangerously Yours" AU to suggest, please do!!! <3

[gerbiloftriumph]

Floating Castle Liveblog (third read)

In 2020, I read the first king's quest adaptation novel. Again. Because 2020 was awful.

August 22, 2020 –

page 0

I'm not going to read this aga--oh wait no who am I kidding I'm trapped at work for another four hours and it's *not* a good day and I just want my tea drinking wizard tree and frog prince and mcguffin king and headless ghosts and the soft delights of smarmy sassy villains. (also the kq series is the only series i have easy access to rn so shhh)

page 3

"Castles do not fly." The title of the book says otherwise, sir.

page 10

Gotta admit, Telgrin's perpetual single thundercloud over his castle still gives me ridiculous amounts of joy. I'm sitting here grinning honestly for the first time all day. I love my melodramatic sassmaster.

page 14

I comment on it every single time I read this (yes this IS the third time I've read this in three years, leave me alone), but I seriously love watching Graham being an actual king. I love adventures, and I love royals, and I love adventuring royals, but I also really like the sturdy basis of kindness and clarity Graham just has as a leader. It's really pleasant.

page 20

IT HIM. Heeeeeeere's Telgrin! Do you think Telgrin spent hours shuffling around trying to perfect that gliding walk? Stars, I hope he did. I mean in any other villain it would just be natural but with my emo goth drama king who tries too hard, everything is carefully plotted for maximum visual aesthetic.

page 22

Totally seriously, though, the contrast between Graham's tightly contained fury and balance of how he's been treating the assembly and Telgin's wide swept theatrics and overblown personality is SO good. This sort of subtle contrast really does raise this book from generic game adaptation to surprisingly pleasant fantasy. It's still genre light, but it has confidence and solid bone work.

page 23

"The news reached me that you were gathering all your knights here today, Graham, so it seemed a convenient time." Because Telgrin won't do anything without an audience to oooh and ahhh over his antics.

page 30

"Everything seemed muted, vague, unreal." Oh, did you mean my life right now? No? Close enough.

page 33

"and a small pear." Yes, a crucial thing to make sure you pack on your voyage. Good call.

page 38

TREE WIZARD oh stars my whole heart is happyyyyy. What a mood improvement.

page 40

"So, that castle belongs to this guy named Telgrin." "Oh yeah, Telgrin. He's evil. Don't mess with him." "You know him?" "I know his reputation." Stars, Telgrin would be SO PLEASED to know his reputation precedes him now. I hope he started some of those rumors himself.

page 40

I still can't handle the density of this conversation. "Telgrin is a stealer of souls." "A stealer of souls? What's that?" Alexander. Alexander, pleaaaase think about what you just said. Please. I love you, but seriously.

page 45

Even when you are a tree wizard, that is, a wizard slowly and literally turning into a tree, it's still important that you get your morning cup of tea. Morowyn knows it. So should you.

page 47

In other words, Alexander, you're just a glorified babysitter. You could have asked Big Knight Brian Blessed to be your partner in crime on this heist and gotten a better result. (i'm kidding of course I love Cyril to absolute pieces, look at this farmboy wizard lad he's so squishy and blond and round and I love him.)

page 54

heist heist heist heIST let's plan a HEIST.

page 58

The moat monsters also have a taste for the finer things in life. Like feather-capped adventurers. Castle Daventry is literally the most perfect fantasy castle there is. It even has a hoard of moat monsters. Like, you can't get more Fantasy Castle than this place. Telgrin only wishes his castle was that cool. He just has to make do with personal thunderclouds.

page 63

A small thing, but I super love Mills's emphasis on color. From the rain slanting golden in the yellow torchlight, to the hills here slowly changing from an angry maroon to a deep indigo with a band of yellow slowly disappearing as the sun sets...it's heavily visual, like he's literally painting a screen from the games, and I find it rather peaceful, somehow.

page 64

Literally just the ringwraith scene from Fellowship of the Ring, but with King's Quest protagonists instead of Frodo and friends. The audacity of this book. I love it.

page 69

Mills was absolutely just rereading Fellowship of the Ring when he was asked to write this book. It's not even subtle at this point. .........and I super love every single reference with all my silly fantasy heart.

page 89

I can't think of a single other fantasy in which the protagonist lassos a kelpie and attempts to ride it. I can't imagine why not. It's a flawless plan.

page 96

I feel like that's just magic homemade whiskey. Getting the prince drunk might not be in everyone's best interest.

page 97

Alexander, you gotta stop calling people "ho." You're gonna offend someone. (I'm kidding, of course. "Ho there" is as traditionally delightful as "Who goes there," and highly welcome to behold.)

page 99

platform boots

page 100

I'm sorry, I know I commented on this when I read this last year, but...again. Telgrin has One Single Lone Stupid Thundercloud, which "hovered over a high central tower. From time to time, this cloud would light with an internal fire, and a low, menacing rumble would break across the land." It's like the Winnie the Pooh raincloud, with ambient sound effects. The audacious aesthetic of this guy is a DELIGHT to behold.

page 107

Aaah yes the Road to El Dorado sequence. Truly, this book is nothing but the best hits of adventure tropes crammed into a book 300 pages long.

page 108

Does this mean that Telgrin has also been to Narnia? Oh dear.

page 112

Again. "The cloud." Not many clouds. Just the one. A single, lone, silly, thundercloud.

August 24, 2020 –

page 114

Wait, what came first, this book or the Muppet Christmas Carol movie? Because all I can picture is Scrooge's Statler-shaped Muppet door knocker, but with extra teeth, shrieking.

page 117

Is Alexander is the only person in the series to ever have a proper sword fight? I mean, not counting....uhhhh is it Owen in KQ8? (Super didn't play KQ8, everyone said it wasn't worth the effort.)

page 123

Like, I gotta say: binding souls to armor, cool. Great scheme, very evil. Making it so that just knocking the helmet off releases the soul into the night forever? ...nooooot the most ideal.

page 126

You know in Princess Bride, when Westley tries to wrestle Fezzik, and just kinda runs at him and squeezes him and absolutely nothing happens? Alexander, right here, vs the black knight.

page 131

A barikar is not a real fantasy monster--the only google result that comes up is that, yes, Telgrin owns one. But it's a huge rabbit with a rat nose, dog fangs, fish scales instead of fur, and human like hands with claws. It sees about as well as a human, but it can hear well, thanks to the rabbit ears. It's absolutely ridiculous. I love it. I wonder if I can convince my dm to make it a fight in our campaign.

page 133

My sweet babiiiiies. Alexander making Cyril stand behind him to protect him and Cyril absolutely refusing and taking the front anyway. I love these kids. I say, fully recognizing that they're semi-close to my age and know how to handle swords and magic.

page 133

Oh, no, excuse me, the Bariker doesn't have rabbit ears--it has bat ears. Which just kind of further emphasizes how much I want this thing in a campaign. It's so ridiculous.

page 139

Where was he? Yes. Who was this beside him? Yes. How long had he been asleep? No way of knowing. Alexander, those are not answers to questions, except maybe the last one. You've answered nothing. Alexander, please.

page 141

headless ghost headless ghost headless ghoooost i can't stop smiling he's holding it like a football it's amazing

August 25, 2020 –

page 142

Lydia's mom caught Anime Mom Protagonist Disease. It's a tragic illness. No hope of recovery.

page 142

"Owen took a brief pause, while Alexander reflected on the fact that he was getting used to carrying on a conversation with a beheaded man. It was starting to seem almost normal. Almost." How is this a real book. I love this book.

page 143

tragic telgrin backsto--oh wait it's not tragic at all he's just always been a brat.

page 144

"Somehow a beheaded man on his feet was infinitely more alarming than a beheaded man quietly seated." o rly?

page 145

Look, it is a *little* creepy that he would install magic mirrors of spying in his daughter's bedroom without her knowledge, but considering Owen admitted to teaching Telgrin everything he knows, including presumably soul torturing magic, we can kind of assume Owen isn't actually that good a guy after all.

page 149

Glowing moss in fantasy must be the most useful plant ever cultivated.

page 155

Obviously, there's nothing wrong with describing Alexander's haunches, but it's also just a little weird. It's not...a word I hear often, especially in reference to humans.

page 156

I like a good wizard who knows that a cup of tea soothes most ills. A man after my own heart.

page 156

"After allowing himself to wallow in depression for a short while, he pushed his mood aside with a firm effort, squared, his shoulders, and said, 'Well, the sooner we get going, the sooner you'll get your bath and your tea.'" Ah, yes, of course, just push aside your wallowing. Why didn't I realize it was that easy?

page 158

"A few wary, rather mincing steps, brought him to the vestibule." Alexander, your author is making fun of you. Just a bit.

page 161

The book is very, very clear that it's just Graham's face floating in the soul-capture orb. The book is very, very wrong. It's a tiny Graham floating around in there. Like, full body, but like two inches high. This is fact, and better than a disembodied Wizard of Oz-style face. I'm just letting you all know that the book is misprinted. Every copy. It's a full body'd Graham. Just smol.

page 162

YEAH BOI PUNCH AN UNDEAD KNIGHT...oh no, your arm, why did you just literally punch a suit of armor, you donut, you know better than that

August 26, 2020 –

page 167

To be fair, the door is now open. As is the floor, and the wall, and...well, the room, to the sky. Definitely very open.

August 27, 2020 –

page 169

It's turned into Dragon's Lair instead of King's Quest, for this scene. Super into it. Wouldn't want to play it as a video game, though--the amounts of game overs....

August 31, 2020 –

page 169

"But this insignificant event raised within him an unexpected fury. He cursed the poor root to withering, black perdition, cursed it deeply and sincerely, cursed it with all his soul." Gods, Alexander, I get it. Man, do I ever get it. I'm so tired.

page 177

"This was it, the nadir. It could not get any worse than this." You sure about that, kid? I think we've got one more scrape at the bottom of the barrel we can squeeze into."

page 181

Alexander is thiiiiiiiis close to snapping. Kid, I understand you. Critically and crucially, I understand.

page 183

FROG PRINCE. I told you there was one more level we could reach. The royal family gets transformed into animals rather frequently. At least this time he's not a snail, poor kid.

page 183

"With a sense of profound shock, he realized that he had been transformed into a frog--a rather large and handsome frog, it's true, but still a frog." You can't make this stuff up. This book is perfect. The ideal. The author is calling Alexander a handsome frog. He's a frog, but a good looking one. I can't handle this.

page 185

"Did you speak, Sir Frog?" "That's Prince Frog, to you." Alexander, be nice. Don't pull rank. I don't think you have rank to pull anymore. Smelly swamp rank, at best.

page 186

I like to think that was just Alexander swearing, but it was masked as a ribbit.

page 187

To be fully fair, Alex, you do kind of need him to reattach Graham's soul, so maybe it's for the best that he doesn't go far.

page 189

If I were a soul-armor, and this frog decided to enter the castle, to be honest, I think I would probably just let it. Because it's a frog.

page 194

There's fanart of this scene too because it's hilarious. She kisses a frog, he becomes a man hanging half over the rim of a fountain, and all she can say is "Goodness! But...you're beautiful." Ridiculous.

page 194

HA and then she tries to recover saying, "I haven't seen that many men in my life. Hardly any, actually. I'm sure that you're really very ordinary." Kid. Please, stop insulting him, you're going to make him sad(der than he already is)

page 198

It's at this point that Alexander just sort of gives in to the sass and the snark and starts leaning into the nonsense. "Creature?" "She's not entirely human." "Uh, in what way is she not human?" "To begin with, she has two heads, no hair, only three fingers on each hand, and is fully seven feet tall." "You're right. That doesn't sound entirely human." Pleeaaaaase this book is a deliiight.

page 200

That twilight area between wakefulness and sleep, with thoughts centered on nothing at all? my brain, today. fully. I've got nothing left to offer anyone, except not-very-funny remarks on this book.

page 202

Nothing Telgrin does is ever common. Overblown and ludicrous, maybe, but never ever common.

September 1, 2020 –

page 209

When the two headed guard calls to the intruding man like a person tempting a kitty cat. "Come here, man, pspspsps. Man, man, maaaan." Instead of catnip, she can bring tacos.

page 211

Again, I just gotta let you all know that the books have been misprinted. It's not a disembodied head floating in the orb, even if it's probably supposed to be an Owen's decapitated head parallel, because that's dumb. It's a tiny two-inch tall Graham floating in the orb, not just his face. I don't know how all the copies got misprinted like that, but they did. It's really a tiny Graham. Cute. Okay? Okay. Onward.

page 212

I love One Stubborn King.

page 216

I can't actually make snide jokes about the text when I'm actually just outright enjoying it. The sheer blissy silly triumph of Telgrin, the stubbornness and sharp agony of my dear sweet Graham, Alexander standing there ruminating on what loyalty means--this is exactly my flavor of fantasy jam.

September 17, 2020 –

page 225

I still kind of sort of love that Telgrin apparently decided that the best way to use the magic staff was to make it respond to wishes. "I wish for a giant fireball." And thus, one appears. It just...speaks to some strange childishness that I find totally hilarious in this big bad villain.

page 230

Again, the book is misprinted. I'm not about these weird Wizard of Oz style floating faces. They're weird. It's a fully bodied apparition of Telgrin yelling at Alexander, hands on hips, just as it's a tiny full bodied shape of Graham in the orb. My version is better.

page 231

"I could kill you now, if I wanted." "I don't think so," Alexander said defiantly. "Is *everyone* in Daventry this obstinate?" Sir. My dude. My man. Palberto. You messed with the wrong royal family, and they come from knight stock, not actually blue blood at all. They're going to *wreck* you.

page 232

"I'll live, I think." Alexander, your ability to comfort others leaves a little bit to be desired.

page 234

I'm not actually kidding. If Mills hadn't read Fellowship of the Ring at least a week or two before writing this, I will eat my whole entire adventuring cap. That's the Watcher in the Water, as there was literally lembas bread earlier and a ringwraith before that. Fantasy tropes or not, this is just sneaking Tolkien references in because Mills is a fanboy (I mean, obviously: he's writing company-approved fanfic).

page 237

Again, Alexander, realize this: Telgrin learned everything he knows from Owen. One might assume, especially knowing how dark those mirrors felt, that Owen himself is *not actually a very good guy.*

page 241

It's kind of like cheerfully presenting Sweeney Todd with his shaving tools. "At last, I am complete again!" Not.....super great, I feel.

page 242

I love that it's not actually magic keeping the castle moored, but a big ol' safety pin. That's not even actually much of an exaggeration. "At the bottom of that well you will find a large golden pin embedded in the paving stone. You are to remove this pin. It may not be easy, but you must do it. It will set the castle free from the moorings of the earth."

page 248

The fact that Telgrin now has to wear an eyepatch is great enough. The fact that he took the time to make sure it perched on "his bald head at a jaunty angle" is almost too much to bear. I hope he stood in front of his cracked and smoking mirror adjusting it just so before coming down for this final confrontation.

page 248

"I'll probably never see out of this eye again, I hope you're happy with yourself." "I mean...you *were* trying to kill me." "Irrelevant." Boys, please, there are serious issues at hand.

page 250

"All I've ever asked in return is that you marry me, and that you not burden me with your opinions." Telgrin, the ultimate flirt. Magnificent.

page 251

Telgrin's snarky sassy meltdown is the greatest. "She's now willing to marry me, merely to save your worthless life! Willingly! Well, I won't have it, I tell you. She shall marry me unwillingly, or not at all!" Telgrin, you are absolutely bonkers and you're my favorite villain in any piece of media ever, full stop. The sheer ridiculousness of *you* with your wish-magic and bloviating and grandiose posturing....divine.

page 253

Telgrin's pasty complexion is enough to "make a marble statue appear dark by comparison." If this were a modern AU, Telgrin would be that emo kid hunched over twitter mansplaining at everyone, while listening to the rainy mood app constantly. He's an absolute delight from start to finish, especially because he *is* a threat and he *could* win if he wasn't so obsessed with the *aesthetic* and the need to show off.

page 255

Ahh one of my favorite lines in the whole book: "It's blame-everything-on-Telgrin time, is it?" What villain talks like this?? Who does this?!! No one but Telgrin, author Craig Mills, and this goofy novelisation of the very sassy, very cliche, very delightful, King's Quest series. Fantasy tropes, sass, snark, and everything. This book is nothing but pure sugared joy for me.

page 266

No more than two feet of earth held the entire castle in place, and now they're floating away again like the house in Up. Delightful.

page 270

Telgrin, you can't behead someone who has already been beheaded. Be sensible.

page 273

"Can you think of any way for us to get down from [this steadily rising floating castle]?" "I could attempt to fly you down!" All in all, Alexander thought he would rather just jump. Boys, please.

page 288

A Valanice story, I think, would have been very welcome. I'm glad for the trilogy we got, but I really would have enjoyed an official novel from her perspective. This lonely image of her standing alone before the throne, with her husband dying in the next room and her son gone for at least a week to face an unknown villain alone, while her kingdom is ravaged by evil knights....it feels worth exploring.

page 291

I absolutely one thousand million percent love this strobing effect of two Grahams floating together, his transparent and delicate soul settling down into his body again. It's delightful.

page 292

Pleaaase Graham, say "A heart is a heavy burden." I know this book came out like a decade before the Howl's Moving Castle (the movie at least, I don't know the book's publication date), but pleaaaase. I know you won't, but I want you to.

page 293

SHRIEKING. I don't ever ship things, but this is my otp for liiiiiife look at these two precious beans together I'm just THRILLED the smile on my face is enormous ahhhh Valanice and Graham have hardly anything going for them in the original games since they hardly ever interact on screen but this book and this scene is just DELIGHTFUL.

September 17, 2020 – Finished Reading

Again, five stars out of five stars

[liesmyth]

General ask:

Have we found plotholes or contradictions you've found the Locked Tomb series? Any that are like, "why didn't this character just do X since they had this power?" or "how could this character have known this information?" or anything of the sort?

I can't find any, but these books are so dense and other people are better at close reading. I've been so impressed with the way things roll out, the fact that rereads are so satisfying because you suddenly know why a character did/said something that seemed odd or just innocuous at the time. for THREE BOOKS and counting (dear jod I wish I was an outliner). It seems impossible there haven't been any contradictions.

OK. I thought about it Long and Hard and could only think of a couple. Well, one for sure, and a couple more that could be plot holes / worldbuilding issues, or could turn out to be planned all along in AtN.

Lyctoral privacy and Cytherea

This is the big one. Lyctors are “black boxes” to thanergy unless they are being touched by other Lyctors, and this is something that should have alerted the gang in GtN to Cytherea’s true nature, much like Ianthe and Harrow figured out Pro was dead all along.

Regular necromancers aren’t able to “perceive” the organisms of the people around them to the degree Lyctors do, but some of the Heirs at Canaan House are powerful enough that they SHOULD be able to sense in some way those around them, and figure out that “Dulcinea” was sus. Especially since Cytherea-as-Dulcie had a couple of moments of fainting dramatically and becoming increasingly sicker (one of the reasons why I think Cytherea had a lot of control over her cancer cells) and several necromancers used aptitude on her to check her health, including Palamedes. They shouldn’t have been able to. Assuming that “touching Lyctors allows you to interfere with their bodies” extends also to non-Lyctors, they should STILL have noticed something was off.

The fact that Palamedes was able to manipulate the cancer cells inside Cytherea’s body to turn it into a bomb is very unlikely, even assuming he was touching her the whole time (I can buy it if he distracted her with sex like in this fic). And the fact that Lyctor Harrow in Act 5 is able to visualise Cytherea’s body and “see” the cancerous mass goes against the canon established in HtN because they weren’t touching at the time.

The smaller ones!

Ninth House demographics: If anyone younger than Ortus died when Harrow was conceived, and Ortus was around 17/18 at the time, this would still leave plenty of young adults of reproductive age. There should be SOME children on the Ninth, even assuming that people were scared to have children for some times after, even assuming that some people moved away (the Houses aren’t aware that the Ninth is dying out so it can’t have been a mass exodus). I can excuse this as Gideon’s melodramatic narration saying that there are no other young people on the Ninth, because she’s 18 and a few dozen kids of ages 14 and under probably wouldn’t register to her, just because to all intents and purposes, she was raised completely alone with Harrow. But look. There should be some kids.

Who are the Cohort fighting? I talked about it a bit here; the population of the known universe just doesn’t seem big enough to sustain a continued war of aggression by the Houses (the implications in GtN/HtN) because what we see of the Empire in NtN seems to be a colonial power who are firmly established in most of their “sheperedered planets” and only have to contend with insurgence movements, not an enemy army. BUT the Cohort seem to constantly be fighting and dying. I'm very curious to find out if we'll discover more.

(There are a couple more things that will leave me ???? if they aren't cleared up in AtN, but they're even more minor)

[legaltrashgoblin]

It's over.

I've finished The Raven Cycle.

Without the excitement of the impossible possibilities presented to the Gangsey, and the shock at turns in the story and the grief over dead boys and resurrected boys and dying boys and lonesome boys and the absolute joy I felt reading about these whacky teenagers, I feel positively empty.

Music no longer feels like music. Just a jumble of strange words and sounds that used to make sense but no longer do.

Light no longer feels like a beacon. Just a hopeless, annoying shine in my eyes.

Coming home to sit on the bench seat outside with a cup of tea and a Mars Bar no longer feels possible, because I have no longer got anything to long for.

It honestly feels like grief. It's as if I had absorbed these boys and these psychics and these angry tree girls and these magical forests into my soul, and now that it's over I feel I've lost a giant part of myself.

And yes, this may seem very melodramatic, but I am melodramatic. This is a big thing for me. I cannot stay in one universe forever. I have to move on. And books are the only way of experiencing the feeling of life for me. And these books are by far my favourite things ever. Each character was relatable in so many ways, and each felt and saw and heard and did so many things I wish I could.

I'm gonna pull a Gansey move, and instead of saying "What do you know about dead Welsh king's?" I shall ask "Do you read?" I have to make everyone I ever become friends with experience The Raven Cycle.

Also, to make light of everything, I'm so glad my copy of The Raven King had Opal in it, because I absolutely adore Opal, I absolutely adore her way of thinking. I love her curiosity, her love for Adam and Ronan, and the way she loves things.

But one of the highlights of the little story was the fact that OPAL. WATCHES. ADAM. AND. RONAN. DO YOU KNOW WHAT IN THE LAUNDRY AND THE CAR AND STUFF ABOUT BELT BUCKLES AND KISSING AND SKIN AND RIBS AND HIPS BECAUSE SHE'S A CURIOUS LITTLE SHIT

She's such a mood.

Anyways... I'm going to go mourn my lost bone marrow books and my lost soul chunk books. And mourn Noah. Noah was the greatest. And I'll also order Greywaren, because I don't think I'm gonna be posting anymore if I don't get my hands on it. If I come up with more stuff about The Raven Cycle, I'll post about it.

Excelsior,

Squash One, Squash Two,

Me.

[rosesradio]

fanfic ask game

i saw this ask game i wasn’t tagged in so let’s do it 🤠 & i’ll tag whoever wants to do it as well

1. how many works do you have on Ao3?

27 :-)

2. what's your total Ao3 word count?

466,409 (oh cool i’ll most likely hit 500k by the end of the year 💪)

3. what fandoms do you write for?

currently pjo & once in a blue moon hsmtmts, but i have written for like 10-12 different fandoms in my life

4. what are your top five fics by kudos?

ceaseless eve 🌙 (a leo, nico, & piper quest + valdangelo)

camp triple pine 🌲 (a lawrusso summer camp au with fwb 👀)

talk to me, deep in the night (& i’d tell you something i never thought i’d admit) 🏕️ (a surprisingly non-smutty first caswen fic in which ricky talks with ej about how he works too hard, written in s3 era)

Cobra Kai/Karate Kid one shots 🥋 (fluff, humor, angst, smut…what it says on the tin 🤠)

he’s only here for one thing, but (so am i) 🔥 (valdangelo college au smut + camboy nico 👀)

(because i can’t tell a lie, i did skip over one or two stranger things fics on this list. i have complex feelings about them & keeping them up due to the controversy, but also abandoning them or deleting them…i’m sentimental, and i procrastinate lol. i’m glad a higher volume of people enjoyed them by nature of it being a more popular fandom, but i also feel like the kudos aren’t as genuine or earned as they are for my longfics in less popular fandoms for that reason. at least To Me. i hope that makes sense 🧍)

5. do you respond to comments?

i try to reply to every comment around the first week of posting something (because by then it’s an “old work” and it’s “weird” to comment on it, but that’s another post 😐). i still haven’t replied to the last of the ceaseless eve comments & i feel terrible, the sentimentality of it all overwhelms me but know i appreciate it 😭 i wish there was like a code word though that people could comment that lets you know if they want you to respond or not, because it’s hard to know if people want an author response or if it’ll scare them off yk

6. Which of your fics has the angstiest ending?

i don’t do a lot of angst, but when i do, i do (meaning i lay it on too melodramatically thick lmao) but i thought i’d give a list of some of my angstiest/darkest fics 🤠

the moonlace & the sunflower 🌻 (in which grover dies protecting a demigod, so the empathy link causes percy to pass away as well)

games long lost 🌳 (in which luke must drink annabeth’s blood for kronos’s reformation, it covers the dark lukabeth of it all & there’s some death)

the smallest casualty ♟️ (in which it’s slowly revealed over the course of a luke & annabeth chess game that the gods lost the war, and percy & friends have been subjected to dark magic experiments to make them compliant to luke’s fantasy)

rewired 🤖 (okay. i usually try to be humble or self deprecating or whatever but this 1400 word fic is an actual fucking masterpiece to me idc. it just came out of me and makes me physically nauseous to this day. showing this to my hypothetical therapist etc etc. oh wait what’s it about lmao—the concept of daniel rewiring his brain & morals to fit into silver’s desires. ft that sick sick silverusso dynamic)

7. Which of your fics has the happiest ending?

i have a variety of fluffy fics, but i’d have to say my happiest most sugar coated ending is—

who said anybody would? (a ej/gina/ricky road trip fic that literally ends with an ot3 picnic scene 😭 it’s just too much 🫶)

8. Do you get hate on fics?

i’ve gotten unwarranted criticism (i like to ask for constructive crit comments at the end if it’s like a longfic) that’s been surprisingly rude…i won’t say which fic but someone got so mad at one of my chapters they left a lengthy mocking crit comment and then stopped reading 😭 but that’s their prerogative, i hope they found something they enjoyed afterwards. other than that, surprisingly considering some of the controversial dark fics i’ve written…no sign of flames, so thanks! 😅

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

i have four different smut fics (hopefully a fifth if i can ever finish it up)…i fear they’re repetitive but also not really, they cover different fandoms and explore different kinks. i’m not really sure what to say about them, hopefully people find them hot ! or whatever !

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

i’m not a fan of crossovers currently, but my longest fic i wrote when i was 15 (it’s 97k i’m beating it someday 😭) was a crossover between sanders sides, voltron, miraculous ladybug, and gravity falls (doesn’t that feel like a kick in the gut lmao—did i mention i was 15? 😅)

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

not that i know of 👁️👁️

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

not that i know of 👁️👁️

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

i tried, myself and another author had a shared Google doc & everything…but we both just didn’t commit. i don’t think i’d work well with another writer…i don’t mind bouncing ideas around with a beta reader/editor (like @heavens-vault 🤠) but ultimately i’d prefer to write on my own

14. What’s your all time favorite ship?

it changes—it’s currently valdangelo, but the ones I’ve written the most over the years are: prinxiety (😐), lawrusso, caswen, and valdangelo. i’m excited to explore a bunch of other ships as i continue writing as well

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

oh gosh, i mean i hope i don’t have any like longfics in question…i hope i can finish + deliver on Ivory Rain, but i’m sure I’ll manage even if it takes a while. i haven’t really mentioned this a whole lot to “the public” but i have what i call a “scrap fic” i’m working on, with a bunch of like 800 word chapters i just kinda bounce around when i have time. the concept is really exciting but the execution still needs work, so i’m kinda seeing how that’s gonna play out, it might not be posted. i hope it will though !

16. What are your writing strengths?

i think i’m pretty good at characterization, good romantic moments with good buildup, and humor :-)

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

action scenes i hate you so much 😭 why do i insist on writing pjo fics when i can hardly write a fight scene

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

i should do it more, i hate that i don’t, especially considering nico being Italian and leo’s native language being Spanish. but I’ve used & been disappointed by Google translate too many times…perhaps I’ll find another way to translate to include that for more character accuracy

19. First fandom you wrote for?

actually i think percy jackson, i’ve come full circle. the first fic i posted was sanders sides, but i remember when i was probably nine or so i wrote with pencil and paper and stapled a book together with a hand drawn cover 😭 it was about a son of Apollo, a satyr, and a daughter of Demeter on a quest…so really, richard took some creative liberties from my hand written fanfic i think 👀

20. Favorite fic you’ve written?

like the ships, it changes—I love all my fics, it’s hard to explain how there’s little fractures of me at different points in my life at any given time in my works. no amount of over-explaining could make anyone understand how i express myself through my character’s emotions and desires and fears and journeys.

at the moment, my favorite fic is CE. it just got completed, myself and others are excited for the sequel. i think all my pjo works in particular are pretty good, and of course i tend to shy away from my older works because my writing…probably wasn’t as good. but that just means I’ve improved, so that’s good.

that’s all the questions, but this was fun ! :-)

[ga-yuu]

Hi! I just wanna ask if you're from India? Just wanna make sure cause I saw it once on the blog description. The reason I ask is actually for a stupid reason. And feel free to ignore.

Lately, I've been coming across Indian tv scenes meme where people die by getting strangled ridiculously by the scarf getting caught in a fan of them getting slapped and pushed into it. Or one where a girl rescued a guy who fell and did many backflips in the air, by riding a large kite. Are these really what's in Indian tv show? I wanna know who their target audience is. And what they think about it?😅 I find it quite humourous and it gives me a good laugh.

OMG. Lol. Okay. I'm gonna rant okay! I'm also gonna be referring some tv shows and use show hindi terms that are very popular among these shows.

Indian tv serials or Indian tv dramas are EMBARRASSING AS HELL and I'm not proud to say that. If I could describe it in one sentence I would say---"It will give you a brain tumor, so please don't watch it."

About 90% or more, Indian tv serials are like that. I'm not joking. Let me tell you why?

Ekta Kapoor. Ekta Kapoor or Ekta didi (we'll call her like that!) is a very infamous name in India. She's basically a producer and has produced more than 100 tv serials. Apart from two or three good ones, the rest are dog shit. Also, all of them are soap operas. The problem with her tv serials is that, they don't have an identity. For example, let's take K-dramas or C-dramas. They have shows for different genres like romance, mystery, thriller, horror, historical etc. But when you take a look at most of the Indian shows, almost all of them have 'saas-bahu' melodrama ('saas' in hindi means 'mother-in-law' and 'bahu' in hindi means 'daughter-in-law') and nothing else. There is no actual plot or goal or even an ending. They don't even have a genre. For example, there is a tv serial called 'Sasural Simar Ka'. It started a normal soap opera melodramatic show, but then out of nowhere it ventured into supernatural stuff. Yeah, I'm not joking. Simar is the name of the main protagonist and is a normal human being who got married into a rich family (like every other ekta kpoor tv shows) and then after IDK 1000 episodes later, she turns in a fly. .....yep, I wish I was joking. You can check that on youtube if you don't believe me.

Seriously, the writers don't know what they're writing. They're just doing whatever to milk-out each episodes. Another problem with these shows is that, they just never want to end. Some shows starts with a good message but then after like 50 episodes when the message is conveyed and the goal is achieved, the best thing we must do for the show for it to remain as good as it is, is to end the fucking show, right? But Nope! They just keep going and going and going and going and going...I remember when I was nine years old, my mom used to watch this one serial called 'Yeh rishta kya kehla tha hain'. I finished my school and started college and the show was still going on. After reading your question, I simply googled to see if the serial was still on going but thankfully they ended it after 14 YEARS! WITH 4000+ EPISODES! 4 FUCKING THOUND EPISODES!!? WTF IS THIS EVEN ABOUT? One piece could never. Oh before I forget, 'Yeh rishta kya kehla tha hain' is also a soap opera. So as you see, unlike k-dramas that ends with about 20 to 22 episodes per season, Indian tv serials doesn't end. This also burdens the writers because they have to keep churning out new drama for each episode and after some time, its clear that they are running out of ideas. Writers are also human beings. If they are ordered to writer each episode everyday, they would obviously feel burned out and run out ideas, which would lead them writing shit like this:

and also the funny clips you saw on youtube. Unlike K-drama, whose episodes are once or twice a week, indian tv shows are daily (except for sat and sun) and there would be a watch party in my house which starts right after 6pm. 6pm is when my family pray and the tv would be on around that time, because my family members don't wanna miss a single scene. It starts at 6pm and ends at around 9 or 10pm on avg. depending on the number of serials they watch.

Now earlier when I said about Indian tv shows having no identity, well, almost all tv serials are centered around 'saas-bahu' drama. No matter what the story is, everything ends up being a story about a rich family wearing heavy makeup and saris and their boring household affairs where the daughter in laws and mother in laws try to conspire against each other for no reason and the men in these serials are nothing but props. Also there is always this grandma character who for some reason never dies despite having grandkids and those grandkids having grandkids and even if one of those grandkids die, this old lady never does.

Another thing, which I'm quite embarrassed to say is that, Ekta didi had been trying so hard to remake many popular american shows like the Vampire dairies and the Game of thrones. Now personally, I have not watched either of them. Ekta didi has tried remaking Vampire diaries and Twilight 3 times! The first one is called 'pyaar ki yeh ek kahaani' was something my sister used to watch. It was fine at first but soon becomes boring as hell. There is no story or setup or mythology, nothing. She just made it because she wanted to copy Twilight, because it was a blockbuster around that time. Her second attempt was 'Fanaah' and I don't remember it at all despite it having well known actors, it flopped so hard. Her third attempt and the most embarrassing one is the recent remake of the Vampire diaries who's name I don't even remember and I don't care to look it up, because I'm so embarrassed to even talk about it. Yeah, that's why.

You what's the best and worst thing about India? India is a country that has people speaking many languages. I come from the South and I speak Malayalam. There are other languages like Tamil, Telugu, Hindi, Kannada, Marathi, Gujarati etc. Although I don't speak most of them, I do understand them. That's great. But you know what is not great? The tv shows that I mentioned above, they are all in Hindi. Which means....THERE ARE TV SHOWS LIKE THAT FOR OTHER LANGUAGES AROUND INDIA! Like I said, I come from the south, so my family watches Malayalam tv shows and although they are not as cancerous as the hindi ones, they are still shit and the writers doesn't know when to end it. I swear to god, if my grandma understood every languages in this world, she would watch every tv serials like this forever.

Now the audience. Basically all ages can watch these. But, not everyone wants to. Especially we young teenagers and people with brains, don't wanna watch these kinds of serials because we know it's not worth our time. Instead of watching that, we'd rather waste our time watching a normal anime or manga or play games or even study. The only people who watch these are kids (as in babies) who don't know what the fuck is going on but watches them because others are watching it, grandparents because they don't have anything to do in life so they just watch for entertainment, and people who have no job irl and watch these shows just to taste that spicy drama that we don't get to taste irl. I mean, I won't blame them, who the hell would wash laptops in real life with a dish soap? They all gather and form a watch party and once this starts, no one is allowed to disturb them. My grandpa was bedridden, so my grandma would feed him dinner before 6pm every night so that he won't disturb her during her shows. My dad told me that the watch party is so intense that they won't even be conscious about their surroundings. He said "Even if a robber enters the house, steals the things around the house, makes coffee and leave, these idiots still won't know." and he's not exaggerating.

Also let me tell you, its not always been like this. In the earlier days, before Ekta didi became a producer, Indian tv serials were not like this. There used to be good tv serials with good messages and not to forget the epics 'Mahabarath' and 'Ramayana' these are literal gold even to this day. But now, Ekta didi is the Queen to indian television, so we can't do anything about it. :(

[bestworstcase]

Does it ever bother you when people slide back into culturally Christian thinking even as they simultaneously acknowledge the dangers of that kind of thinking in media?

Like with the Curious Cat and Salem?

it irritates me when folks try to pick arguments with me on the basis of their punitive moral readings, and in general unless the text in question is an actual morality play any textual analysis done from a christian moral lens is pretty worthless because most writers don’t write stories with the intention of teaching christian moral lessons. but when i see it happening out in the wilds i kind of just roll my eyes and think mean thoughts on my way past.

with the cat specifically i’m just finding it really hysterical. people are more melodramatically aggro about this cat than the tts fandom was about zhan tiri and that’s saying something—and it’s so funny to me because the cat’s villainous reveal is like. save ruby from neo -> betray ruby -> explain motives (the motives are laughably easy to resolve) -> neo saves ruby from the cat -> the cat possesses neo -> the next episode opens with known cat hater jaune arc having a “the cat was right” epiphany which gets them all to the tree -> the next encounter with the cat begins comically and the cat doesn’t turn adversarial until wbyj are standing between them and their (perceived) way out.

like this could not. more clearly be telegraphing an imminent turnaround. the cat is “power of friendship the villain” on easy mode with training wheels and helpful tutorial pop ups. and then the fandom largely is like oooooh i can’t wait for ruby to unlock super mega awesome god powers in the tree so she can vaporize this horrid demonic little BEAST. i wish them enjoyment of their two weeks of slavering hatred before 9.10 blindsides them. lol

[petrichoraline]

Tag 9 people you want to get to know better

i did this some time ago but most answers are gonna be different so let's go!! thank youu, @fangirlmedstudentblog and @markpakin 💞

Three Ships

TinnGun - no surprises here, these two have become everyone's comfort couple so quickly

HiraKiyoi - again, not a shocker in the slightest, they are my insane comfort bfs

DaisyIntouch - in honour of opp's viral moment with The7's Get Loose i can't not mention the most gentle, sweetest couple in SCOY; i wish their arc was handled a bit better, it felt rushed by the end; they're amazing nonetheless

First Ever Ship

let's go with first bl ship (live action) which i beliiieeve is kenji and shiro from kinou nani tabeta? and if it's not them it might be junjae and takuya from the lover

Last Song

Last Movie

i procrastinated on this just so the answer would be worth it (cause i watched a mediocre french movie but mostly didn't pay attention and that didn't sound like a good answer); the movies i saw today instead of the indian movie im procrastinating on seeing:

She's Dating the Gangster (2014) - this philippino movie made me realise that netflix's "true love" category should've been called "heartbreak" but they renamed it so well

the intros and summaries truly suck because i thought i was going into a light "fake dating" romcom with a pair of cute silly teens as the leads! what i got instead was so sad and a tad bit melodramatic that at the end i didn't know how to feel.. i did cry though! i was hanging in there and yet it got me; it's a sweet movie, although it could be overwhelming, and i would recommend it! it's kind of my fave out of the three, i wasn't too sure how it was gonna end too; one really strong point is the sweet twist on the makeover trope that the movie doesn't even use to promote itself, it's kinda naturally in there and it made me so happy

Jumping From High Places (2022) - this italian romantic-but-more-about-self-growth movie about a young woman with anxiety was not technically confusing but it had me bored halfway through (again, the sample video thingy netflix shows had an energy that imo was not there throughout the film, i found it misleading); i'm just happy i picked up on smth that is probably supposed to be a surprising reveal hehe; i wouldn't not recommend it, i feel like it could be relatable and a sweet experience for some

Your Place or Mine (2023) - a typical hollywood movie, what can i say, it's been pushed onto me and i was kinda interested, gonna lie if i say the cast wasn't a part of the reason i caved in (i'm curious bout what kutcher and witherspoon are doing now, yeah);

i think it's kinda bland, it had some good sentiments but at the end i found the female lead too unlikeable and the story kind of stretched out and a bit rushed at the same time (maybe it was actually well paced and a proper length, just not my thing, that's possible. the gray overlay (?) was so depressing though, even her bright and green home felt awfully unwelcoming)

Currently Watching

literally only My School President lol everything else is in either "on-hold", "plan to watch" or "have to catch up on!!"

Currently Reading

oh how i want to say svsss vol.2 but i'm stuck once again, i mostly read long posts and student books, not even manga

Currently Consuming

"too much media at once in theory and not nearly as much in practice" is a valid answer, isn't it lol

Currently Craving

more convos w moots ig

i might be tagging people who have done it or don't like tag games, it's very hard to track these sometimes so sorry 🫶 @hello-n-goodbye @himbodelamain @soundgun @sillsif @jingyanwang @catwalkninja @catboyjosten @belladonna-and-the-sweetpeas @chinzhillababy

[creative-soul-22]

Narissa, Nathaniel & the real world - theory -

Around the time "Disenchanted" came out, I watched a video about Queen Narissa on Youtube and found this comment under the video:

And a comment replying to this comment really made me put on my thinking cap:

And although I liked the theory and it all made sense to me, as well it really hit me like a lightning when I rewatched "Enchanted" recently. The signs had all been there, I had noticed them but this time I really realized them. And I thought: "Yes, of course! It all makes so much sense!"

Now let's have a closer look on it since I love theories:

1. Cars

Not only does she know what a car is, she also knows she has to stop them with her magic to not be run over. You can see on the picture she uses the crosswalk.

2. Melodramatic

She knows words like "melodramatic" that Edward doesn't seem to know (yet this could also be him just never heard of that word)

3. Interaction with people

Narissa knows she has to keep things low-key. When Giselle passed out after taking a bite from her poisened apple, Narissa tells everyone Giselle just fainted and tries to calm people down because she knows that's the most effective tactic to get away. Also she knows that the people from New York don't know magic so saying that Giselle fainted is easier to explain than poisened apples.

4. A land without happy endings

Narissa knows exactly what she's doing when she pushes Giselle down that wishing well. She knows it's not just gonna take her out of Andalasia but it'll also slowly "defairytalize" Giselle when she stays in the real world.

5. The two baddies

Everyone in Andalasia is well-meaning, kindhearted and a ray of sunshine. Everyone except... Nathaniel and Narissa! This is of course also because they are the villains, but still...

Speaking of Nathaniel.

Well, I think it's because he is from the real world, too! Narissa either brang him along or he came searching for her. That's why he hangs around her so much and is so loyal to her. They're from the same world. Literally.

And because he's insanely in love with Narissa.

Wooh, a lot to read! Now I think I'll gonna leave it for now. Let me know what y'all think about it!

[lightlycareless]

First, it hurts— Chapter XXXIII

Naoya Zen’in x Fem!Reader

While arranged marriages are not uncommon in the jujutsu community, it was strange to receive a proposal from none other than the Zen’in’s, nonetheless your clan accepted and before you knew it, you were married off to Naoya.

Your new purpose was clear: to serve and submit, to be seen and not heard. To forget any sense of individuality in favor of obeying your husband.

Will this marriage ever flourish into something else? Will it change…for better or for worse?

Chapter warnings: because I’ve been asked about it quite frequently, it’s safe to say that… mentions of adultery, a bit of fluff while at it, some sad bits as well and a shocking revelation.

A/N: The storm might've tried to stop me... AND IT BRIEFLY DID, but I'm back at it again. :) Nothing much to say, except that I'm happy to be back hehe. Thank you for waiting for me 🥺❤️

Now, without any further ado, happy reading! 🥰

Masterlist ➸ Chapter 34

Ao3 link.

━─━────༺༻────━─━

“Dear Hinata—

I hope this letter finds you well.

I’m still not used to writing that, the dear Hinata thing. It reminds me of those really old letters, like those from the Victorian Era or the war, when people used to be very polite and stuff, super formal, even with their own friends and family! I don’t know how to describe it… it was just weird. I hope you get what I mean.

But yeah, reading back through my letters after I'm done writing them always makes me laugh because I think I’m being melodramatic.

In my excuse, it’s all because of those etiquette classes we were forced to take since we learned how to walk. Ugh, and only because of our roles in the clan! Which I don’t mind! Really… but sometimes the elders tend to be very weird about it, and it makes me feel like they don’t deserve to be treated respectfully at all! And I know that you, more than anyone else, would understand perfectly.

Ah, well, I’m not writing to you to complain about my experiences, I’m doing this because… there’s no other way to put it: I miss you.

It’s been a while since I heard anything from you, or anything at all. And I’m not writing either to complain about that! I don’t want you to feel guilty for not responding because I know you've been very busy with work. 

Last thing I knew about the crisis was that it was getting worse. It was already bad on my last mission, so I can only imagine how it is now.

Either way, even when I understand why you can’t respond, it’s still… painful to not hear anything from you. I wish I could at least get one letter from you, a call, even a smoke signal for god’s sake, I don’t care, anything to let me know how you, Ren, dad, and everyone else is doing.

I hope Satoru isn’t bothering you too much, Sumire as well. I am well aware how annoying they can be on their own, so I feel even worse knowing that I can’t help you ease the burden of their antics ^^; hang on, Hinata!!

As for me, life here has been… ok, I guess. The life of a married woman is surprisingly boring and overwhelming at the same time, but I think it’s mainly because there’s so many new things I now have to take care of that I ever thought of before! Mom and dad sure made it seem so fun… or maybe it’s just them.

Anyways, now that I’ve experienced a bit of the “married life” I’m now confident enough to tell you that you did the right thing when not marrying Satoru. 

Being a wife is boring, you’re expected to keep most of your time inside the house, tending to it and its inhabitants… So yeah, I wouldn’t recommend it to you. Although I think Satoru could’ve managed to also make it irritating. 

But yeah, being a sorcerer is much more exciting, totally. I wish I could’ve done a few more missions before retiring.

That kind of makes my life sound terrible, right? Like I’m locked or something. Please, don’t worry. I’m ok, busy, but ok. Just missing you, and Ren. 

I hope dad is ok too. He worries me the most. I hope he hasn’t taken up on drinking again. You know how bad he gets when he does… so please, take care of him if possible.

From there, I don’t really have anything new to say. My ladies, Mariya, Haruko and Hitomi, have been quite calm nowadays, and that’s a bit eerie if you ask me! I hope you can meet them one day. 

Or Mai and Maki, I think you’d find them adorably funny too! And mischievous, mostly that. They kind of remind me of us when we were younger. Oh, but they’re definitely way nicer, we used to be our parent’s nightmare, remember?

All in due time, I suppose.

Well… I guess the main point of this letter is to tell you that I miss you, very, very much. That I hope you’re ok and… don’t worry about me. Keep doing what you’re doing, and I’ll be here, waiting for the day I can see you again.

Take care, and give everyone a big hug from my part.

Yours truly, Y/N.

P.S. Please Stop Satoru from getting the idea that just because I’m not there, my things are his. They’re not. And please, please, please don’t let him delete my save files. I do intend on playing them again when possible”

━─━────༺༻────━─━

And that’s how much of your discreet, seemingly harmless letters seem to go—an activity that took most of your attention when you weren’t the Lady of the House or Mai and Maki’s older sister.

One that would quickly become your go-to method when trying to ease the pain in your heart, even if Hinata has yet to write back, thanks to the catharsis it provided.

You’ve long lost count of how many letters you’ve written to her at this point. It’s in the double digits without a doubt, but not all of them have been sent. Because… not all of them were intended to be read.

And since they’re not meant to be seen… you don’t limit yourself when writing your thoughts down—whether they were good, or bad,  none of that mattered once the ink fell into the paper.

━─━────༺༻────━─━

“Dear Hinata—

I wish you could meet him, but who knows when that will happen, so for now, I’ll tell you about him.

Naoaki is the best guy I have ever met in my life. I swear.

He’s sweet and caring, sometimes a bit blunt and a little bit weird too (in a good way!), but that doesn’t undermine what a great person he truly is. 

Just to give you an example, I once told him that I liked mochi, and since then, he gets some for  me whenever he can! I’ve had so much mochi in such a short time… maybe for a lifetime because of him. Although it’s not all bad, I got to taste all kinds of flavors I didn’t even know existed! Still, taro remains the best. 

Although I have to admit that I feel kind of bad whenever he brings me stuff, because it’s like I’m forcing him to do that, you know? Even though he already told me that it’s nothing to worry about and that he actually likes doing it… Can you believe he’s even told me he likes doing that… because he likes thinking about me? The mere thought of it makes me blush!

I’ve had these kinds of things happen to me before, but never… like this. It’s different, special… and yet, I’m afraid of acknowledging these feelings. Why?

Well, moving on… You must be wondering what he looks like. All I can say is that he’s very cute—or more like cool! Like a bad boy kind of thing (∩˃o˂∩) 

Oooh, I hope Naoaki never gets to read this letter, because if he does, I think I’ll die!!

But yeah, no amount of words could ever compare to meeting him in person. I’m sure once you meet him you’ll like him too… not too much, I hope (  •̀ - •́  ) Just kidding!

I hope Ren likes him too, since he can be quite… protective sometimes. You know what? Nevermind, the two of you can be like that, dad too!—guess that’s the one thing I don’t miss about you three—now I’m hesitant if I want any of you to meet him, you’ll probably scare him while at it! 

Well, I’m sure neither will feel that way with him. He really, really is… special.

I long for the day I’ll be able to see you all again. Take care.

Yours truly, Y/N.”

━─━────༺༻────━─━

“Dear Hinata—

I hope you’re ok with the fact that I’m no longer the youngest sister, because our family has grown thanks to the addition of the adorable twins Mai and Maki!

Mai is very sweet and soft spoken, rarely gets herself into trouble… or so that’s what she wants you to believe, because when you least expect it, she’s a mischievous little demon! I’ve already lost count of the times I’ve been spooked by her, and I’m 100% sure she’d give Satoru a run for his money—imagine all the things we could’ve planned together to get back at him? With guidance from us, the masters, Mai can be an excellent addition to our cause, and an unstoppable force ᕙ(  •̀ ᗜ •́  )ᕗ !!

But if you think that Mai is unstoppable, Maki is on a whole different level! She’s a bit rougher than her, although I think assertive is the right word for this situation… But don’t be fooled, for deep inside, she’s very sweet too. She’s caring and very protective of Mai and her mother, and isn’t afraid of speaking her mind. She kind of reminds me of you, and I think you two would definitely get along well. Also, I think I finally found your competition in her! Whenever we play she seems to never run out of energy, she’s also very strong, and sharp… is that even possible for a little girl like her? Maybe, you exist after all (￢‿￢ )

I wonder what Ren and dad would think of them—I know my mom would’ve loved them.

Yours truly, Y/N.”

━─━────༺༻────━─━

“Dear Hinata—

Have you ever seen something you weren’t supposed to? I promised not to tell anyone, but the embarrassment is killing me! So I need to tell someone, and that someone is you.

I saw… one of my ladies… with her boyfriend… doing… that. Kind of. Yeah. I don’t need to say more than that. And please don’t ask me to go into detail. 

Obviously it wasn’t on purpose!! It was all an accident, but even if everything’s fine now, I still can’t get the image out of my head!!!

It was like… I don’t know, like when you hear that one of your teachers is pregnant. Like, sure, one can suppose those things happen in their personal life… but you don’t want to be told about them, you know?? Ugh!! The mental image!! Ewwww!!!

But ah, it certainly feels good to finally tell someone. I’ve been holding onto this secret for the longest because the rest of my staff doesn’t know, and can’t know because of some stupid details on their contract, but who am I to judge? Nonetheless, it was killing me!! But now you know too.

Now it’s only you, her, and me that knows this. So if this somehow leaks to the rest… I’ll know it was you! (◕‿◕)

Well, I can’t wait to see you again. Give Ren, dad, Sumire, and Satoru (optional) a big hug from me.

Yours truly, Y/N”

━─━────༺༻────━─━

“Dear Hinata—

I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya.

I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya.

I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya.

Yours truly, Y/N”

━─━────༺༻────━─━

“Dear Hinata—

…Does Kento ever wonder about me? Because I do. There’s moments where I can’t stop thinking about him, wondering if he knows where I am, what I’m doing now—or if he thinks I’ve abandoned him. 

I hope not…

Well, I’m sure you and Ren already managed that, so I guess there’s really nothing to worry about. Or perhaps he already found out what happened to me by himself. You know how Kento is, always the one to seek out the truth when something’s aggravating him…

Still, I wish I was the one who told him that personally. If only I had the time to do that… then maybe I wouldn’t feel like this. 

Do you think he ever foresaw me getting married? Maybe because of our clan, but… I, for once, did not think it would happen, not like this anyways.

And there’s so many things that I missed from him too—like how he’s doing at his job, if he’s already moved to where he told me he was going… or maybe even a promotion! 

I can’t believe I’m missing out on my friend’s life… and even if nothing has occurred, I still would’ve liked to be there. Take him out to eat to celebrate… or be the shoulder he can lament on.

…

I hope he'll be able to forgive me for not being there, and that I’ll also be able to make it up to him in due time.

Please let him know I’m ok, and that I miss him very, very much.

Yours truly, Y/N”

━─━────༺༻────━─━

“Dear Hinata—

I can’t hide it anymore. I feel like I'm suffocating whenever I have to swallow my feelings and act as if nothing is happening, when the truth is completely different.

I need to get them out, get all of my pain out, less I want to be consumed by it.

My life at the Zen’in estate has been nothing but a nightmare—no, more than that. Nightmares at least end when you wake up. But I haven’t been able to do that. Whether I’m awake, or asleep, this is never ending, every day, getting worse as each day passes.

I can only assume this is hell. 

The things I’ve been forced to go through just because of their depravity are ones I don’t think myself capable of writing down. The mere thought of them nauseates me, makes me want to run, as fast as I can and scream, to let everyone know what I have suffered… but I can’t, and I won’t, because I know no one will hear me.

Naoya has defiled my body, broken my spirit, humiliated me in all kinds of unimaginable ways, taken pride in it, and done it all over again.

But what hurts me the most isn’t what he did, but rather… how I allowed it.

There are days I can’t even stand the sight of myself in the mirror because all that I see is a weak woman that allowed herself to be soiled.

I lived through a lifetime of training, and yet, I couldn’t even stop him from hurting me.

Our family was right when saying that I wasn’t suited to be a sorcerer. Because how could I expect to protect others if I can’t even protect myself?

I’m weak. I’m a disappointment to you, to our family, to the community, and to myself.

Yet… you still wish to save me. You’re working so hard to get me out of here, as if I were worthy of your effort, while I’m unable to do the simplest of things…

I’m ashamed of all the things I’ve put you through. I wish to relieve you of all of this.

If only I could… die, stop being a burden to all of those that care for me, and just disappear… I know everyone would be much better.

I’m sorry”

━─━────༺༻────━─━

So on and so forth.

There’s no particular order behind these letters nor a general meaning to them—outside of being nothing more than a way to vent out the emotions you’re hesitant of disclosing to others, eventually sealing them in their respective envelope, and securely stashing them away from your staff and Naoaki, never to see the light of day.

There were days where your prolificness would show up after particular occurrences, making you fear for their privacy for you didn’t wish to appear… obvious that you were doing something outside the usual before your staff, especially from Mariya since nothing seems to escape her keen eye.

But if she has noticed such a thing, she’s yet to let you know. Well, you guess you could rest easily knowing she would never tell your secret to anyone else, and she’d never confront you directly about it either… but living with that uncertainty might come to torment you from time to time.

Ah, it’s probably all in your head either way. You’re more careful nowadays.

Nonetheless, you appreciate her prudence towards your sensitive matters… and the fact that you were able to find a good friend in this never-ending nightmare that is the Zen’in estate.

Three friends, to be precise: Haruko, Hitomi, and Mariya—they are the definition of loyal, understanding, and empathetic. Even after all that occurred… the horrible things you did to them… they still stood by your side, unwavering.

If there was only a way to repay all they’ve done for you… you’d take it without hesitation.

Or at least a better way from what you already tried. The sweets you got during your last outing were an attempt at that, but that’s only the least you could do and certainly not comparable…

So even after giving them what you labeled a token of your appreciation, you kept wondering day after day, just what else was in your power to show how truly grateful you were towards them…?

“What’s got your cute little head all worked up?”

“Hmm?” you blink, pulled away from the deep realm of your thoughts, back to the present and to the young man alongside you, Naoaki, alongside the wide variety of snacks your staff had prepared for your first break after a long day of overlooking your customary responsibilities. Just like everyday. 

His focused yet inquisitive golden eyes intently stare at you, and this prompts you to shake off whatever remained of your thoughts away, and finally conduct all of your undivided attention to him.

“Oh, nothing, I was just… thinking.” you say, what happens to be somewhat of a truth.

“I can see that” he says, inching a bit closer to your side before reaching over for a grape and offering it to you. It’s been a while since you snacked on something, too deep into your mind to have noticed. He was getting a bit worried, so that’s why he called for you. “That’s a dangerous thing to do, you know”

You give him a small smile before chuckling, cheeks slightly warming up by the action as you take the fruit from his hand. Fingers slightly grazing each other, but you don’t think much of it.

“What? Afraid that I might be plotting something dangerous?”

“Maybe” he smirks, and then shrugs.  “Gotta know if I have to prepare for the worst”

“Where’s the fun in that?” you tease back, then place the grape into your mouth. “I like to keep some mystery when plotting my evil schemes”

“You? Evil?” He ribbed. “Impossible”

“Huh? Why are you doubting me? I can be if I put my mind to it.” you sassed back.

“No, not a cutie like you—You and your mochi cheeks can be anything but evil” Naoaki smirks, raising his hand to carefully pinch your right cheek, and then, you’re overtaken by a combination of embarrassment and shock.

Frozen by his words, you’re unable to do anything else but try to back away from his hand, looking away being the quickest solution, before whispering once freed from him “...don’t say things like that”

“Or deceivingly evil too” he adds with a chuckle. Naoaki is clearly enjoying just how easy it is to get you all flustered. Cute is the word he uses to describe how he sees you. “Feeling better?”

“... a bit”  Once your embarrassment disappears, you turn back to him, now able to appreciate the intentions behind his unforeseen efforts. 

You don’t know how he does it, (or why in some of your most self-conscious moments) but it’s like he has a sixth sense when detecting whenever you’re feeling down—Perhaps it’s your glaring gloomy face and your uncharacteristic silence that gives it away—and how always knows how to make you happy. 

You truly can't believe you were blessed enough to meet him in a place like this.

“Did you like the candy?” you proceed to change subjects, one that you remember not following through due to both of your unavoidable commitments.

“I’m not that much into sweets, but I liked the few I tasted.” Naoaki admits as he leans back into his arm, sighing. You move closer to him, placing your arms alongside his and resting your head on his shoulder, gaze landing on the garden before the two—it's one of the few that still had some spring flowers, the others having already withered away due to the cold weather. In order to make the most of them before they inevitably disappear, this has become your go-to place whenever taking a break. “Now that I think about it, that makes me sound a bit ungrateful”

“No— of course not!” you shake your head; the last thing you wanted was your gift to be perceived as anything else but what you intended: appreciation. “I mean… I was just trying to repay you for all the things you’ve given and done for me… but there’s nothing more I would’ve liked than getting you something closer to your preference, but I—”

“Don’t worry about it” he interjects, swiftly cutting the path he thinks to be leading you back into sour memories. He’s stayed away until now, and Naoaki wants to keep it that way. “I still liked them. I just hope you don’t mind I shared them with Naohiko and Naofumi so they wouldn’t go to waste”

“Oh, you did?” you blink, and your interest is hooked at their mention.

It’s been quite a while since you saw either, even more so to when you last spoke to them.

The only exception being Naohiko, and that’s only because of the surprising interest he had towards one of your ladies. From there, it’s not hard to guess why he kept his distance from you: he doesn’t like you. And honestly? You’re ok with that. He’s not very friendly to begin with anyways.

Naofumi, however, is the one you have not seen at all after your introduction, aside from brief glances here and there, occasional greetings whenever he’s close enough to hear them, but from there, nothing. He’s virtually invisible, and that’s a shame, because you felt a certain affection towards him and would love to get to know him a bit better. Maybe Naoaki can arrange something…? 

“What did they think?” you ask.

“I hope you weren’t expecting much from Naohiko, since he’s kind of… how do I say it…?”

“A jerk?” you blurt out, and he huffs.

“Heh, guess there’s no other way to put it”

“Hmmm, well, it seems he’s only like that with me. Others would say he’s not that bad.” you say, and Naoaki raises an eyebrow.

“Now that’s a new one. Where did that come from?”

“Oh, nowhere.” you shrug, reaching for another grape. You intend to stuff it in your mouth as if to create an escape from being confronted and telling on more than you already have, but Naoaki, who came from a family of exceptional sorcerers, caught on to your intentions almost immediately, and swiftly robbed the grape from your hand, foiling your escape plan and causing you to drop your mouth agape out of shock. “Hey!”

“Ah, ah” he grins, raising his hand to keep the grape away from you as you scurry to grab it back, to no avail. “No grape for you until you tell me”

“Tell you what? I don’t know what you’re talking about!” you feign ignorance, or more like try to save Hitomi’s reputation, with a wide grin on your lips that implies something else. You might be a bit offended by his actions, but you can’t say you weren’t having fun.

“I’ve never heard anyone say that about my brother” he explains, face leaning closer to yours. You blush, darting your eyes away at the sudden proximity. “Come on, Y/N. Tell me— or I’ll be forced to keep you here. I don’t care if you have more things to do, you’re not leaving until you tell me.”

“Well then, I hope you’re comfortable with what you’re wearing because we’re spending the night here!” you declare, crossing your arms and looking away. He huffs, clearly impressed

“Seems I miscalculated your loyalty for your staff.”

“My staff?” you blink “Who said anything about—”

“Guess.”

Ah, Naohiko, of course. His well-known imprudence goes hand-in-hand with indiscretion. There is no way he would’ve been able to keep quiet about his newfound interest on the then newest addition to the staff, the dark yet beautifully mysterious Hitomi, without gushing about it to his brothers, of course. It’s physically impossible for him to do so.

“...Oh” you murmur, sounding a bit defeated. “Yeah, that makes sense.”

“Well, putting aside Naohiko’s opinion, Naofumi liked them very much. I’m telling you, you don’t find these kinds of things around the estate, so it's only obvious they'd jump at the chance of eating them—even if they don’t like it.” he reassures you with a smile, enjoying the way your face seems to light up at the seeming approval of one of his siblings. A sight he never wishes to take his eyes from… or better, earn it for himself. “Don’t worry your pretty little head about anything, I can assure you, they liked it”

“I wasn’t that worried about them…” you slowly begin to confess, cheeks slowly obtaining a crimson color as you glance from the garden before you, to his hands, and finally, up to his eyes.  “...I was more worried… about you.”

“Really?” he murmurs, his voice low and husky, in such a way that makes something inside you… burn, as he tilts his head to the side. 

Naoaki is moved by your admittance, however, he’s not surprised, for you often portray your care towards others, it was in your kind nature after all.

But the more he gets to be with you, the more he can’t help but think that, from a moment forward, there’s been an additional value behind your words, your actions; and he’s not talking about the night he cuddled you, he’s talking about something else, something deeper.

Something more meaningful, intimate between the two—a thing he longs for, yet, saddens him.

There’s no doubt in his mind that if the circumstances between the two had been completely different, without his brother lingering in the background, and no commitments holding you down, he wouldn’t be this hesitant. Perhaps you neither.

But after all that’s happened… is it… impossible? Maybe… there is something to be done.

“Do you think of me often?” he incites. “Because I do”

“…There’s no way to answer that” you press your lips together, swallowing before looking away once again—you can never look him in the eye like this, yet, as overwhelming as it feels, you don’t wish to run away.

“I think there is.” He says, moving his hand close to your lips, hovering over them and carefully placing the grape there, as if inviting you to let it in. 

You were hesitant, beyond flustered by the seemingly intimate undertone of his action and the consequences that it could unleash, but you eventually relent, slowly opening your lips and accepting the fruit.

But when you thought your agitation couldn’t worsen, the moment you feel the warmth from his fingertips slide over your lips your heart explodes.

It’s not the first time you’ve been this close to him, the most being when you shared a bed with him one particular night you were feeling like absolute garbage, but this… this is beyond that—and you know so because it feels like that. 

You’ve long admitted feeling the existence of a sprout, the smallest of them yet ever present, of what you assumed to be feelings for him. 

It took you a while to get there, still working on it in a way, mainly out of fear of doing something that might endanger you, or… not wanting to go past the point of no return when you finally acknowledge them.

It’s not time for that, you’d say to yourself from time to time, as if to feel less guilty for them this isn’t something you should be doing if you want to survive…

But if all he’s ever done is bring you happiness in this cold, dark world, keep you… hopeful, perhaps even motivated, to keep on fighting…

Is it really that bad to indulge in them?

Anyone else would’ve supposed not.

After chewing your grape, you look back up to him, only for your cheeks to flare up even more—was that even possible at this point?—for his golden eyes were firmly set on yours, and it might just be your imagination, but you feel as if he were… asking you to do something. Do more.

It’s like he could see the essence of your soul, and the turmoil in your thoughts, discarding everything else around you, and hypnotizing you to solely keep your attention on him and make a decision regarding your feelings.

But that moment was not to arrive just yet, and when his exposure felt too much for your poor heart to handle, as well as remembering your current position, you instinctively looked away, comfortingly reaching for another grape, and shoving it into your mouth, in order to bail you out of this situation.

Had you been alone, in the confines in your room with him, underneath this exact situation, would you have reacted the same way? Or finally take the next step?

“…A—Anyways” you murmur, voice strained, as you do your best to wash away the lingering sentiments of this sudden encounter while praying that this hadn’t ruined anything between the two. After all, there is a possibility you were just misinterpreting his actions…

Can you still say that after he admitted to wanting to be close to you, outside of a simple friendship?

“How’s—How’s work?”

Naoaki falters for a moment at your unexpected detour, frantically asking himself if he had overstepped and caused you to feel uncomfortable.

Maybe, but even then, he doesn’t allow this change to upset him that much—out of the necessary of course. Naoaki hates the possibility of hurting you, so much that he’s already thinking on how to make it up to you— for  he's long learned that these small moments with you are the ones he should value above anything else; if it’s meant to happen, it will… he supposes.

Instead, he smiles, holding back his disappointment and angst for longing something more, before continuing on with conversation.

“Busy, it’s been terrible. And it’s only getting worst since we’re getting close to the busiest day of the year” 

“Busiest day…?” you repeat, wasn’t that usually during summer?

“October, finals of” 

Oh. Right. It’s only the second busiest day of the year for sorcerers.

“Halloween” you answer “Wow, time sure goes by fast”

Has it really been that long since you married Naoya?

“Especially when you’re busy.” he groans. Naoaki sure loves working as a sorcerer, but sometimes it just… ugh. “I’m not enjoying the fact I rarely get time to spend here anymore, from the moment I wake to when I sleep, all I do is work, work, paperwork, and more work”

“I’ve noticed—you rarely spend the night here too.”

“Hmmm, when you put it that way, I guess I got lucky.”

“Why?” you tilt your head, confused.

“I saved myself from your cold hands and feet”

You pale.

“Jesus… Naoaki” you frown “… you always have to make fun of me, don’t you?”

“I can’t help it, you make it too easy” he smirks, and your indignation (or worry, more likely) is ignited once more.

“I’m working on it. It was supposed to be a surprise but… I guess I could tell you now” you effused, now both excited and nervous to see his reaction. “I was making gloves for you! So… my hands wouldn’t bother you that much”

Naoaki blinks, now it’s his time to be flustered.

“Oh, Y/N… I—I was only joking about that!”

“... it doesn’t have to be just for that” you say, embarrassed to have taken his words a bit too seriously. But you couldn’t be blamed, the last thing you wanted to be is a nuisance for him… and you felt your hands too… maybe you should be the one wearing them? Oh, how… awkward… “You can take them to missions, or just… use them in general… If I ever get to finish them”

“What do you mean?”

“I was doing them alongside Hitomi, but now she’s doing something else so I had to pause that. I hope I’ll be able to catch up before winter ends!” you chuckle nervously, scratching the back of your neck and Naoaki smiles. He already thought you couldn’t be any more perfect… but your enthusiasm towards his gift proved him wrong.

“I’m sure they’re going to be great when you finish them” he reassures you and your heart flutters. For him, you’ll do your best. “As for catching up… there’s something I’ve been wanting to tell you before I leave again”

“Oh” your heart sinks. Already so soon? He’s only been here for a few hours, must he really go? “When are you leaving?”

“Tomorrow. And it seems I won’t be able to visit you until halloween season is over, but I’ll try to do my best to be here.” he says, and you press your lips. It definitely sounds like it’s going to be a long time before you’ll be able to see him again… you just hope nothing bad happens until then.

“What is it that you wanted to tell me?”

“I saw your sister the other day”

And in less than a second, the sentiments you had of anguish pertaining to his absence were swiftly replaced by those of shock and optimism, for what this sudden course of events could mean to your predicament, and overall, the closure you've been desperately seeking.

“Wh—where? When??” Unable to contain your emotions, you fret, instinctively lunging towards him and grabbing his hands. Although when it comes to him, when do you not?

“HQ called for a reunion a while ago” Naoaki starts, holding onto your hands gently. It was endearing for him to see how your big round eyes glistened with anticipation at the mention of your sister.

Oh, if only…

“I wasn’t expecting to be there at first, but since I’m covering for Naoya for the moment… Anyways, the meeting turned out to be a pretty important one since a bunch of other sorcerers were there, amongst them, your sister.”

“Was—Did you see my brother too?” you naturally presume, your expectations now soaring in the sky.

“No, unfortunately I didn’t” he responds, and you press your lips, discouraged. «Well, you shouldn’t be greedy» you try to reassure yourself «it’s good enough that he’s been able to see at least one person from my family»

“What happened? Did she talk with you? Did you talk to her?”

“Ah, Y/N… I’m going to be completely honest—I tried approaching her but she… she didn’t seem very friendly” Naoaki chuckled nervously, so as to hide his own disappointment towards himself. It seems that whenever he has advancements regarding your family, it’s always negative.

He wishes that the day he’d be able to tell you something good will come soon… if only to easen some of your burdens.

“What… happened?” you prod on. To say that you were also disappointed… well, it was only expected that you’d be. “Did she say something?”

“I tried approaching her, at first to say hi but as soon as she looked at me I felt as if I had done something terrible. She gave me a stern look, remained quiet, and then… left. I gotta say Y/N, if it wasn’t because you two look alike, I would've never guessed you were related to her—since you’re so kind and friendly…”

With that, alongside the fact this wasn’t the first time you heard such a thing, you’d have to agree with Naoaki.

Hinata always carried an aura that was colloquially known as  “scary dog privilege” wherever she went—especially with you. 

In other words, whenever out together, Hinata acted as if she were your own personal bodyguard, scaring off unsuspecting passersby she considered unworthy of your attention, presenting a threat to you, or just people she didn’t vibe with—and that’s a behavior she had since childhood

To make matters worse, Ren was like that too—you grew to assume that their overprotectiveness came from your status as the youngest of the family (and in some peculiar cases, fear of being replaced), a quirk that came straight from your father’s side—although you could feel a bit at ease with him, since he acted that way that with everyone… kind of.

So to hear that your sister wasn’t that receptive towards Naoaki was not surprising—if anything, it just made sense. From a start, Hinata never liked the Zen’in, considering them to be too conceited. A sentiment that naturally extended to Naoya. Who Naoaki looks like…

You sigh.

Had Hinata known Naoaki the same way you did, you were absolutely sure their encounter would’ve been way different—maybe even worked with him to get you out of there— but since all she has for reference is Naoya, it’s only natural that she’d treat him with a certain… disdain. 

Perhaps not stupidly obvious as to not set off any alarms, but she wouldn’t relate to him any more than necessary. For all she knew, Naoaki might be just as guilty as Naoya.

Is that—is that the reason why she hasn’t responded to your letters? They are signed under Naoaki’s name after all…

«Oh, Hinata…»

You really hoped she would’ve seen through their façade and given them a chance… Her stubbornness can be quite the powerful enemy when it comes to it.

But if that hasn’t been achieved in the past, what makes you think it would change now?

“Yeah, that sounds like my sister alright” you murmured, releasing another sigh. “She’s always been like that, not… very friendly.”

“She did greet me eventually” Naoaki interjects, as if trying to save the reputation of your sister before your eyes. As an older brother, he knows all too well that awful feeling of disappointing your younger siblings. “It was a quick nod, and I can’t blame her, she seemed to have the heaviest workload of the season, at least from what I heard at the briefing—no wonder she wasn’t all too friendly, she’s probably overworked.”

Another reason, the most plausible one, for her silence. One that consoles you into not being so harsh towards her.

You can’t imagine that being a very important, highly sought after sorcerer was any fun, or that it left her any time to do something. That was already her life when she was just a student, getting to see her less and less during holiday breaks, so now that she’s a professional it just got worse.

Yet, as overworked as she was, you never left her mind. 

This doesn’t make you feel any less regretful than you already were when it came to your frustration for her lack of response—but it at least reminds you to be extra careful if you decide to send more letters to her.

Your actions, even though taking place in a secluded area, must not jeopardize her in any shape or form. Avoid giving away anything that might inform Naoya you’re planning your escape with your sister and ruin her efforts. 

Now that you think about it, Naoaki actually exposed himself even more than he already has when it came to interacting with her. 

If anyone from the Zen’in clan, or someone close to them, had seen the two or gotten the faintest idea that something was going on, they might’ve rushed to relay this information to your tormentors with the purpose of enacting punishment—more so after your reputation as been notably tarnished after the rumors that sprouted between you and Naoaki.

You assume that because something has yet to occur, they didn’t know—but risks are something you can’t afford to take and maybe next time you won’t be as lucky.

“It’s good she didn’t say anything then” you say, and this catches Naoaki by surprise.

“Why do you say that, Y/N?”

“Because someone could’ve seen you with her and assumed something bad” you explain “I’m… supposed to be here, cut away from the world, right?”

“…right” he frowns, whenever he remembers that you’re virtually locked up in this fancy jail infuriates him. Yet, he doesn’t want you to lose hope, and he reminds you that. “I’m still willing to send her letters.”

“Thank you… but right now I don’t have anything” you say, omitting the fact that you’ve been writing consistently, although as explained before, for therapeutic reasons. Not exactly letters you’d want to be delivered any time soon, if at all, and certainly not the ones you’d wish to get intercepted if you ran out of luck. “For now I just want you to focus on your job, do the best you can, and get back safely—from what you’ve told me, it seems it’s only getting worse.”

“Ah, that’s nothing new” he shrugs. “The only thing I look forward to when out are the days I’ll be able to see you again.”

“…gee, you just love making me feel bad, don’t you?” you pout.

“Huh? Why?” he chuckles. “I’m just saying the truth”

“Because you make me sound like I’m so interesting, when that couldn’t be any further from the truth! I just tend to the house, help Mai and Maki with their homework, or follow Junko around the estate. Certainly not things I’d call exciting.”

“That’s not true. And you know that.” Naoaki frowns, he never, ever liked this denigrating aspect of yours. To him, you were doing equally important work. “Either way, I’d rather you do that than be out there where it’s not safe… Although I’m sure you’re more than apt in defending yourself, fellow sorcerer—even if you hadn’t told me your technique yet.”

Ah, if only he knew you were questioning your abilities in one of those many letters…

“Like I told you… I’d rather show you.” you explain and he smiles.

“I’ll look forward to that day then” He gently pinches your cheek, and you huff, annoyed by the pain from his pinch, before laughing once he releases you and chuckles as well.

A shadow suddenly emerges at the distance, catching your attention just by the corner of your eye, making your head swirl into its direction in an attempt to figure out what it was. 

The answer soon appears clear as day: It’s Mariya, with a tray in her hands intended to pick up your plates, walking towards the two, alongside the reminder that your break was over.

“I have to go now” you say, a bit embarrassed at the notion that she might’ve seen your closeness with Naoaki, as well as upset that it had to end seemingly so soon—It’s been well over an hour, far longer than what you intended, but with him, time seems nonexistent. “Well, I’m certainly happy that I got to see you before you left”

“It was nice seeing you again too, pretty” he smirks and you halt, mind attempting to process his compliment, before continuing on by standing up quickly, an effort made to aside your fluster, and begin to pick up your plates—but Naoaki wins you to it by doing the same, if not a bit faster.

“…Thank you” you say, receiving the dishes from his hands, before looking up to him. No words were said between the two, but you knew it was not time to say goodbye.

Your farewells with him now consisted of a hug, which you were more than tempted to do on this occasion, but Mariya’s presence stops you, so instead, you opt to perform a simple bow, wish him a good trip, and turn around for your own departure.

Or so that’s what you intended to do, for Naoaki had another plan; before you were able do as much as think of heading towards Mariya, he swiftly grabs you by the arm, careful to not startle you into dropping the plates and pulls you into his chest, tightly wrapping his arms around you and encasing you there.

Your heart was already a mess the moment the back of your head landed on his chest, more so when you unwittingly imagined the look in Mariya’s face for acting witness to this moment, but when you take a whiff of his scent, and feel his head resting on yours before kiss it, you spiral.

“In case I don’t see you for a while—I don’t want to forget how you feel in my arms”

With your hands slightly trembling, Naoaki eventually releases you from his grasp, slowly turning you around to give you a soft kiss on the forehead—another gesture that has your heart thundering against your ears.

“See you later, Y/N. Don’t work yourself too hard.” And with that, Naoaki leaves.

Your eyes remain glued on his back as he walks further and further away from you, as if trying to ensure his safe departure, before returning to the present and to the stern face of a woman who wasn’t too fond of this relationship (but under divergent circumstances compared to the Zen'in) when he was finally gone—Mariya.

Once seeing you walk towards her, Mariya snaps out of her trance and steps closer to you, intending to swiftly maneuver the plates from your hand into her tray. 

“Did you enjoy your food?” She asks. You tried to help her with her task, but no matter how many times you tried, she never relented. Well, Mariya didn’t gain her outstanding reputation for nothing.

The first thing that Mariya noticed from the plates was that the snacks were completely gone. She usually doesn’t make a big deal out of it, outside of watching what kinds of things you were inclined to eat and see if they matched Junko’s… “suggested” diet, however before she could do all that, she first needs to assess whether it had been you the one behind its emptiness or Naoaki, whom she has now unwillingly taken the role to feed as well.

Which she did not like, not one bit.

Couldn’t he just ask his own staff or something? Her loyalty only extends to you, not him. Ah, well, it doesn’t matter anymore, she’s long accepted the fact that whenever he’s around she’s feeding two.

“Yes, it was good as always” you say, a quick nod and a smile on your face as you now follow Mariya deeper into the estate and onto your following chores—your previous sentiments of awkwardness now slowly dissipating. “The grapes were particularly sweet today.”

“They’re from a fresher batch, Haruko made sure to check them.”

“Haruko’s taste never fails.” you proudly state. “I know I can always count on her for that!”

Mariya’s lips tugged upwards at the mentions of one of the sisters, and it wouldn’t take much longer before she comes to the conclusion that she’d be a fool to let Naoaki ruin her time with you. After all, she too has found a good friend in you.

“Her reactions are the best way to know if a food is good or not. If it’s good, she’d grin, but if it’s bad, she’d twist her mouth in the funniest way ever that always has me laughing!—Ah, this takes me back to the face she made upon tasting the sweets you got her. I’ve never seen her that happy!”

And how could you forget? It had been a sight that eased your nerves, caused by your indecision when it came to selecting gifts for your staff. 

Of all of them, you were most hesitant towards Haruko due to her peculiar appetite. While she was known to be a great lover of all the edible, you didn’t want to choose the one thing she didn’t like.

Fortunately, of all things that were said of Haruko, being a picky eater was not amongst them, apparent on her excitement upon receiving your gift, wasting no time to rip the box open and gobble all of its contents, which naturally earned her a scolding from Hitomi.

“If you eat them too quickly you won’t get to enjoy them!”

Haruko was on her way to retaliate, but you swiftly interrupted her by taking out another bag of sweets and handing it over to her.

“I… kind of suspected that would happen, so I got more.” you explain nervously. “I wasn’t sure which of the two to get you, so I got both… I hope it’s ok.”

Moved by your gesture, Haruko would begin to cry, much to your shock, and then, happiness.

“Oh Y/N-chan…!” she then lunged towards you to wrap her arms around you, unwittingly rattling you. “This is the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me, thank you so much!!”

You chuckle, immediately wrapping your arms around her, reassuring her it was fine and to continue on with tasting out all of the sweets—you got her a variety pack after all, and all flavors must obtain her approval before anything else!

Hitomi on the other hand, relents to accepting that her sister will always be like that, sighing and crossing her arms as if disappointed, but then, a smile parts her lips, proving that it really didn’t bother her that much either way.

Hitomi and Mariya would also get a gift from you, showing their gratitude in a less theatrical way than Haruko, but holding the same sentiment.

The seamstress would have a few samples at that moment, before saving them for another occasion, in her own words: to have after dinner, or when craving something different from the usual.

And Mariya would do the same, keeping her two bags for another moment, but for an entirely different situation. Which wasn’t a decision that raised any suspicion amongst the rest of your staff, only clear to those involved: she intended to share them with Tatsuro, her boyfriend. And you wanted her to share them with him, for you also wished to acknowledge how he, although indirectly, supported you as well—it’s why you gave her double the gifts in the first place.

From there, last but not least, Mai and Maki: as a reward for all the hard work they’ve been doing at school and to keep persevering, as well to show that you cherished them very, very much. God knows they deserve it the most.

However their mother, always the attentive one, seemed to sense the intention from you as soon as it crossed your mind, and before you were even able to do as much as ask for them, Junko warned.

“Don’t even think about it.”

Well, now you were left with more bags that you would’ve liked, and the responsibility of finishing them before rumors began to make their way across the halls.

Haruko, Hitomi and you tried to finish them to the best of your ability, but the team took a hit when Haruko went into a small sugar coma, forcing the rest of the members to delegate this task to someone else, that person being… Tatsuro.

Ever since that aspect of Mariya’s personal life became apparent, all of her actions gained another layer of meaning—it was so obvious that when she wasn’t partaking in her responsibilities, she was spending time with him. Either through her slightly pinkish cheeks, the smallest strands of her out of place from her usually tight bun, or the subtle stammers accompanying her speech… all roads that led to him.

Which prompts you to ask…

“So… how was Tatsuro today?” you say, a mischievous smirk on your face as the two continue on your path.

“Good… thank you for asking.” Mariya says, carefully glancing at her surroundings as if to check no one’s around, before continuing on. “He’s been in a happier mood since you got him those candies, said it reminded him of his childhood, when he’d go to the convenience store after a hard day at school, to cheer himself up.”

She laughs at the memory.

“Oh, and what was a hard day for you, Tatsuro? Getting to study instead of playing? ” she’d tease.

“Absolutely! A kid has to enjoy a healthy balance of work and play! You’ll have the rest of your life to worry about those things—so why not make the best of your youth when you can?” he states proudly, before pulling her close to him, wrapping his arms around her waist, and resting his head on her shoulder “And I just happen to know someone who needs to be reminded of that”

“Just eat” she says, hearing him laugh before kissing her cheek.

“I’m glad he liked them” you smile before sighing. “Ah, but I’m still upset that I wasn't able to give them to Mai and Maki…”

“Don’t torture yourself with it. You know how their mother is, it’s the intention that counts at the end, and I’m sure they would’ve liked it either way”

“I would’ve loved to hear it from them though… and isn’t it weird that Junko-san doesn't let them eat candies? They’re kids! That’s when you’re supposed to!” you justify.

“Is that what you told yourself when you were younger to not feel bad?” Mariya raises an eyebrow, taunting you with a smirk.

“…Maybe” the two laugh. “Oh, come on, Mariya! Don’t tell me you didn’t indulge in sweets when you were younger!”

“I couldn’t afford them when I was younger” she declares, and her statement makes you feel… a bit like a jerk, honestly. You really should remember that not everyone has the same facilities as you—Hitomi and Haruko being prime examples of that, having previously confided to you that they virtually send all of their money to their mother and sister in order for them to live a comfortable life. 

Mariya catches your gloomy reaction, which immediately makes her regret her selection of words, and proceeds to clear up the guilt in your face. “I mean, I might not specifically indulge in sweets, but there were other things I liked.”

“Like what?” you eventually ponder, now feeling less imprudent. What could the talented Mariya long for when the midnight craves hit?

“Shaved ice— I know it’s not that easy to do, but, oh… it’s so, so worth it.” She says, with a tone that drips of desire to get her hands on a bowl.

“What’s your favorite flavor?” 

“Strawberry, but I’ve been leaning more into lemon nowadays, or a combination of flavors. Ever since Tatsuro bombarded me with strawberries I’m done with it—at least for now.”

“Aaaahh, so the best way to win your heart is through food?” you gasp “Who would’ve known!”

“You’re quite cheeky, aren’t you?” she grits her teeth, you laugh.

“But am I lying though??—Oh, how sweet!”

“…He is! “ Putting aside your playfulness, Mariya succumbs to doting on her undeniably adorable boyfriend—and let him be appreciated too! “Whenever there’s a new delivery of shaved ice he always does his best to save some for me…”

“Aww, I can see he loves you, very, very much” you gush “How long have you and Tatsuro been dating for?”

“We’ve actually been together for a few mon—”

“Who’s Tatsuro?” A gentle voice asks, coming from behind the two and certainly unaccounted for, evident by the way you and Mariya freeze on the spot, wide-eyed and skin pale, while darting at each other distressed we messed up glances before slowly turning around to uncover their identity:

It was Hitomi. The last person they wanted knowing of Mariya’s secret. 

There’s a reason why you and Mariya had kept this aspect of her life away from them, specifically the seamstress. And it’s not because neither believed them capable of keeping a secret, as you stated before, they were tombs when it came to that.

But rather… Mariya didn’t want to disappoint them. Didn’t want to appear hypocritical by saying she was following the guidelines of the estate, and then, not.

She already went through her fair share of doubts when it came to accepting her feelings for him and subsequently starting a relationship, so she could only imagine how this would shatter the perfect image of responsibility she conveyed to them—the one that worried her the most was Hitomi, the stricter of the two, and the most sensitive as well.

Thus, it’s only reasonable that she’d lie on this occasion.

“Oh, no one important.” Mariya explained, jumping to adopt the indifferent stance she has to take in these situations, while scrambling to create a good enough response to stop Hitomi’s rising suspicions. “Just a fellow staff member, one I talk to from time to time to check the goods that arrive at the estate. He’s part of the group in charge of the exteriors, like finding wood, or the food that isn’t found at the village, those kinds of things—that might be why you don’t know him.”

The seamstress keeps quiet while intently staring at your main lady-in-waiting, seemingly with no other intentions than to scrutinize her words down to the smallest details and find the underlying deceit, if there’s any. 

As seconds pass and she has yet to say anything, both you and Mariya feel the pressure of her judgment growing heavier and heavier in the air, slowly coming to realize that the moment both did the best they could to avoid, has finally arrived.

Time goes by agonizingly slowly under Hitomi’s sharp gaze, and you could almost feel a confrontation was to happen, the anticipation making your palms sweat, Mariya’s heart pounding painfully —it’s such a nerve wracking moment, that when Hitomi finally decides to speak, both feel like they’re going to pass out.

Fortunately, it seems that all their worries were for naught, for what she says and does is nothing less than music to both yours and Mariya’s ears: she sighs, crossing her arms, and takes the conversation to an entirely different direction.

“I see. Well, I just came to see Y/N.” Hitomi says “There’s some clothes I want her to try for the cold season, before it gets cold obviously.”

“Oh—it’s that what you’ve been working on?” Mariya asks, now feeling safe that her secret will continue being just that, a secret. Nonetheless, something from this moment would continue to bother her the back of her mind, as if telling her to not lower her guard just yet, for Hitomi might’ve moved this topic for another day…—or maybe it’s just her paranoia speaking.

“Yes—I wanted to make something for Y/N-chan as a thank you for the gift she gave us.” she explains—and suddenly it all made sense as to why she’d paused your lessons with her, why she’d disappeared for hours, or why she was going down to the village more often than necessary. It’s because she was preparing warm clothes for you.

And as if that wasn’t impressive enough, the reason behind her actions makes you feel more silly when comparing what you gave her in the first place. 

You don’t try to believe, at all, that your candies are adequate competition against the amazing garment you were absolutely sure she had prepared for you…

“Oh…” you murmur, cheeks red with embarrassment yet, moved by her gesture. “thank you…”

“It’s nothing” she says, turning to you and giving you a smile. “I already have the things in your room—if there’s nothing else pending to do, I’d like you to try them on now.”

“There’s only one thing left on your schedule, Y/N” Mariya says “But it’s not urgent, so we can postpone it to later.”

“Then it’s set, let’s try on some new clothes!” You grin, clasping your hands. Truth to be told, you were glad this change happened, because you weren’t feeling like going back to your duties just yet. So no resistance from your part.

“Where’s Haruko, by the way?” Mariya asks once the group begins to head towards your chambers. 

“She’s in the kitchen, but she’s already making her way here.” Hitomi responds. Knowing her sister well, she made it her duty to tell her first before searching for you, for in Haruko’s own words… I’d die if you made something and didn’t show me! 

“Then it won’t take long to see her.” Mariya presumes, and just as they enter the living quarters, the blurry image of Haruko sprinting to their direction makes its appearance. “Talk of the devil…”

“Ah, I’m so happy I managed to get here before anything started!” she breathes, rushing over to the group while seemingly holding something underneath her sleeves and obi—her enthusiasm makes you feel anxious and a bit embarrassed, for it makes it seem as if you were attending some kind of gala… 

Well, you won’t say that underneath all those sentiments, you weren’t a bit excited too.

“What do you have there?” Hitomi frowns upon noticing the protrusion on her clothes, silently hoping it’s not one of her usual escapades that will definitely put her in trouble if seen by the wrong eyes…

“Snacks, of course!” she grins, making the youngest of the two groan. Mariya and you hold back stifled chuckles, the performance was just about to start.

“Oh, Haruko! How many times have I told you not to do that? Were you at least careful to not be cau—” 

Thud!

The noise, although relatively demure when compared to Hitomi’s voice or the sounds of water coming from the nearby pond, is prominent enough to cut through their conversation and immediately pull their attention towards it’s direction.

They kept silent, as if waiting for a repetition…

Thud!

It came from the same direction, and now, all of their attention is on it. With their curiosity growing stronger and stronger the closer they got to its origin, more so when distinguishing rushed, heavy footsteps amongst the commotion.

Walking deeper into the living quarters, they eventually see a group of staff members gathering in the hallways, who were carrying two large boxes as they walk towards one of the rooms and stop just outside the door—coincidentally, yours.

“What is going on?” you’re the first to ask when they put down the cardboard boxes outside your room. Unable to figure out by a mere glance, the first thing that comes to mind is that the Zen’in finally grew tired of your presence and decided to gather your things and kick you out—although by Naobito’s threat, you doubt that’s the reality…

Or maybe they’re transporting something and decided to take a small break, completely unrelated to why they were standing out your room.

… But they’ve been there for a while now… so that couldn’t be it either.

You’re back to the starting point, with a mystery that appeared to make less and less the longer they stared, keeping you and your staff at edge.

Eventually your group decides to walk towards the men, where one of them was seemingly dusting off a layer of dirt from the top of the box, with the intention of getting an explanation. 

Mariya had her doubts when watching them from afar, but now that they’re close she’s able to recognize one of them as none other than Tatsuro himself.

Knowing well to keep her relationship with him as neutral and unsuspecting as possible, Mariya throws the following inquiry into the air for whoever desired to respond.

���What is the meaning of these boxes?” Your prime lady-in-waiting asks, eyes darting from the box before them.

Tatsuro is the one that ends up responding either way.

“It’s a delivery for Lady Y/N”

Mariya, Haruko, and Hitomi raise their eyebrows out of surprise—but you… your heart jumps out of excitement instead.

“Delivery?” you breathe “For… me?”

If so, this could mean that Hinata… that she finally responded?

You try to not show your elation… something that is easily achievable when remembering that your sister would never make her contact that obvious.

Had it been the case, you more likely than not would've heard of it from someone else first… if ever at all, since you were supposed to be under the harsh isolation.

So if not her… then who?

“From whom?” Mariya asks what’s troubling you. “Who signed it?”

“It doesn’t say” Tatsuro responds, his face lamenting he doesn’t have any more information, she tries to reassure him it’s fine. “All that we know is that it’s under her name, and that the post service delivered it to us a few hours ago, but we weren’t able to deliver it until right now” Tatsuro then turns to you “We first have to get clearance before delivering any packages to the recipients, it’s a measure imposed to ensure the safety of all members. I apologize for the tardiness if this was something urgent.”

“No, it’s fine” you say, gently shaking your head. “I… wasn’t even aware I was to get something.”

Haruko and Hitomi look at each other at the notion, before glancing at Mariya— curiosity and concern evident on their faces. 

Well, they could at least relax when it came to danger, assuming no threat was to come from the box since they passed the filters, but then… What exactly was inside the box?

“If there’s nothing more I can help you with, we’ll be going back to our posts” He says, and you nod, a gesture that serves as permission to do just that. 

Tatsuro rounds up the rest of his fellow coworkers, bowing to you, and giving Mariya a quick glance, before departing, leaving nothing but the elephant in the room and the overwhelming debacle of whether to acknowledge it or not.

“It’s truly under your name” Hitomi says once stepping closer to the box and getting a better look at the shipping label. “But it also doesn’t say who sent it—at least not directly.”

“What does it say?” Haruko asks, peeking over her sister’s shoulder.

“Something about… storage, no, warehouse. I think”

“It’s from a store more likely” Mariya explains.“Does the name sound familiar to you?”

It’s now your turn to look over to the shipping label, walking over to Hitomi and glancing over her shoulder—you’re hoping to recognize it, get to the bottom of it, but unfortunately it doesn’t ring any bells.

“No” you shake your head, disappointed. “…What… could this mean?”

“I don’t know” Mariya truthfully speaks, equally disappointed that she hasn’t been able to figure it out yet. “There’s no other way to know but to open it”

“Are you sure? What if it’s something that.. well, that I shouldn’t open?” you counter, and she presses her lips together.

“We won’t know either way if we don’t do it—besides, it’s under your name… if it wasn’t intended to be seen by you, then why send it?” Mariya explains, and it makes sense—thus after slight reluctance, you proceed accordingly.

Cue her, Haruko, Hitomi carefully picking up the surprisingly heavy boxes, a fact that made all the women dart their eyes at each other out of surprise and confusion, while you opened the door and allowed them inside.

Their size makes your already small room appear even tinier, but you reassure yourself by thinking it’s only for the time being. Who knows, maybe the things inside the box are intended to be stored somewhere else, naturally, allowing you to regain the robbed space.

Either way, once everything and everyone was inside, the decisive moment was amongst your midst.

“Which one shall I start with…?” you ask—as if the order mattered at this point— while taking a seat on your futon.

“Maybe with that one?” Hitomi suggests, pointing to the box right in front of you. It seemed the easiest route for something you didn’t want to deal with, so you concur.

“I just need something to cut—oh” you blink, surprised by Mariya’s swiftness when giving you a cutter, taken right out of her pocket. You’d seem to have forgotten that she always carried an assortment of tools on her… just in case, as she’d say. And it seems you were the only one that knew that, judging by Haruko’s and Hitomi’s intrigued faces. “Thank you”

“Don’t mention it” she says, taking a seat next to you, the sisters doing the same but on the opposite side.

With nothing else to say, you proceed to carefully take out the protective cap from the cutter —Mariya storing it away— and pressing the knife in between the flaps and against the tape, steady enough to cut through it, and effectively tearing it open.

Your hands then move to pry open the box, eager eyes landing on the sight of layers upon layers of bubble wrap—whatever was inside, it was fragile. A notion that does nothing to ease your or your staff’s rising interest, and if anything, urges you to act faster.

Removing the protective layers from the top, it’s then revealed that the box was carrying an extensive selection of… thin books? No, something else…

It’s here that the group's opinions heavily deviate from one another.

While your staff were nothing less than intrigued when it came to figuring out what they were, and who was the sender… your blood slowly began to run cold as your mind fearfully began to realize exactly what they were.

But your definite conclusion doesn’t come along until your trembling hands pluck out one of the many thin sleeves from the box, pulling it out completely, before your heart sinks to your stomach, flinching and instinctively throwing the item away while frantically stepping back from the box when your eyes eventually landed on the recognizable cover on it.

Your reaction, alongside the echoing noise of the object crashing against the wall makes your staff immediately jolt to your aid, concerned faces, and supportive hands on your back as they fret.

“What’s wrong? What happened, are you ok, Y/N?” Mariya asks but you can’t seem to muster an explanation before lunging over to the box to verify all of its contents.

“What’s wrong, Y/N-chan?!” Haruko cries as she goes to pick up the item you throwed away—she glances at it, attempting to find something horrifying, dangerous, but unable to discover anything wrong.

Oh, but for you, that couldn’t be anything but wrong.

Why?

Because it had been nothing less than a vinyl, belonging to none other than to the Spice Girls.

The rest of the items inside the box were albums as well, ranging from studio albums, EP’s, live concerts, and even special editions exclusively released in other countries, pertaining to the Spice Girls, Dio, some of Michael Jackson, and even…. Super Junior.

All artists you mentioned the last time you spoke to Naoya.

You don’t know what to make out of this revelation, outside of the horror it engulfed you with, and the now false belief that this piece of your personal life was to remain in the past, alongside the embarrassment of the indulgence you’ve committed before him, never to be spoken of again.

But once again, you’re proven wrong when it comes to your expectations pertaining to him—no matter what you thought, what you wished, it was never bound to happen, evident by the unavoidable presence of the boxes, alongside the mysterious motive behind them.

“What are they?” Haruko asks as she takes another good look at them, Hitomi still trying to ease you down by gently caressing your back.

Their humble beginnings never gave them the opportunity to afford beyond the necessary, and by the time their interest for music began, cassettes (and eventually CDs) were in their way in, thus explaining their ignorance over the matter.

“Vinyl’s” Mariya says. “They’re… music albums, not really in circulation anymore, except for those that collect them”

“Albums?” Hitomi asks, finding the whole thing… confusing. If they were nothing more than simple music, then why did you react that way? “Who… did you—Did you buy them, Y/N?”

It’s a question they all knew had a negative answer, for you didn’t have the means to do so, but considering you hadn’t told them of what happened with Naoya the last time you were out, they had nowhere else to look.

You wished to avoid coming to this point, still suffering the shame of having disclosed something so personal to him, someone who clearly didn’t deserve this aspect of your intimacy—or any.

But now that the cat was out of the bag, as well as owing it to them to be truthful after everything they’ve done for you, you were influenced to speak.

“This—This is all related to the day I was out with Naoya”' You begin, and the women, as if they weren’t shocked enough by your reaction, freeze at his mention—with Hitomi’s face going sour while Haruko’s saddening. 

Mariya was unquestionably confused as irked by this acknowledgement, yet… a bit relieved that it hadn't been Naoaki the one behind these supposed “gifts”. 

Over and over again, your prime lady-in-waiting has declared that she’s not too fond of the relationship you had with him, only tolerating it because it seemed to bring the best of you; Nonetheless, she wasn’t appreciative of his gestures towards you because all they do is put you in a tight spot—and this would’ve done more than just that. 

Fortunately it didn’t, and it seems that she could relax if only for a moment.

«It’s the lesser of two evils» Mariya thinks, as if attempting to reassure herself. «But it doesn’t make me any less angry that it occurred through Naoya’s will»

“You don’t have to tell us.” Mariya, noticing the gloomy, slightly teary look in your eyes, interjects.

“No… I think—I think I need to tell you” You say, turning to see her “I’ve been holding on to this for a while now and I… I don’t think I can keep it any longer.”

“What… happened?” Hitom asks, your lip trembles.

“After we went to the doctor, he decided he wanted to go eat. He was insisting that I eat too, but I refused everything. I didn’t want anything from him. However, that didn’t stop him from saying he wanted to do more things, such as looking around the city” you pause, pressing your lips together, swallowing “...after walking for a bit, we eventually stopped at a record store; at that moment I didn’t know why, but after this… I—I’m now sure he noticed when I looked up to it. Anyways… we ended up going inside. Naoya left me alone for a moment, I don’t know why, and I just… started looking around. I eventually bumped into the albums I used to see a lot around my house. Guess I was too focused on them to notice when he came back, but he started asking me about them and I…. I don’t know why, but I ended up telling him how much they meant to me—hell, I even told him how my parents met because they liked music, and what I liked to hear!”

Sensing your distress, Mariya wraps her arms around your shoulders, as if to tell you that everything is alright. 

“You don’t know how regretful I’ve felt for doing that… for telling him that about my family… But I just… couldn’t stop myself—I wanted to… wanted to remember when my parents were still together, when my mom was still alive, when I was happy.” you eventually confess, pulling your hands up to your face and releasing out a wail.

As she tried to calm you down, Mariya was deep in disbelief. She couldn’t believe it— nor did she like where this was going — after weeks and weeks of making you suffer, he suddenly wants to be attentive with you? This had to be a joke.

There had to be another reason behind his actions — but what exactly?

“I didn’t think he’d remember” you sniveled. “He was very dismissive afterwards, like always, as if I were boring him!”

“And yet, here are the albums” Hitomi says, and you nod, tears falling down your cheeks.

Mariya has heard enough, enough to know exactly what to do—she just needed your permission.

“What do you want me to do with the boxes?” she asks.

“I don’t want to open the rest, and I don’t want to see them—I don’t care what you do, I don’t want them near my room.”

With that set, Mariya gestures over to Haruko and Hitomi who take less than a second to understand her silent command and get up to work.

“Go to the north wing of the estate, outside, and ask for Tatsuro” Mariya explains “He’s one of the staff members that delivered the boxes here. Tell him that you need to move them somewhere else—and tell him that I sent you, he’ll know exactly what to do.”

Hitomi and Haruko as they made their way to your door, but not before giving you a small reassurance smile as if trying to tell you they’ll handle it from this point forward, urgently heading to their new destination soon after.

Finally alone, with nothing more than the weight of your sorrow on your shoulders, and Mariya’s concern wrapped around you, you allow yourself to cry freely.

“Why—why is he doing this?” your voice cracks as you move deeper into Mariya’s embrace, she holds you tight. “Is he… is he trying to tease me?! Make fun of me?”

“I… don’t know” she answers truthfully—the always-knowing-Mariya is blank when it comes to him for the second time that day. She hates not having the answers for your sorrow, not being able to do much but give you a hug and let you cry. 

“Why does he always have to taint everything that is precious to me?!” you condemned “Why can’t he just leave me alone?! Why—why me?!? Of all people, why did it have to be me?!”

Mariya presses her lips together, attempting to keep her own tears at bay, while pulling you closer to her, as if trying to swallow your pain. 

“I just… I just want to be happy” you gasp “I want to go home; I want to be with my sister…. My brother…”

“I know, I know” she coos.

“… Guess I finally know what he was doing the second time he left.” you say “The thing he was shoving in his pocket, he probably bought the things right then and there.”

Mariya can’t say that your assumption didn’t go against what she initially thought of his gifts: that they were done in order to pull your attention back to him after you effectively ignored him once returning to the estate.

That wasn’t to be the case, however; Naoya had indeed bought the albums soon after the conversations ended. Just another layer of mystery added to your already troubled dilemma.

“What else happened after that?” she ponders carefully—Mariya knows you were already bottling lots of sentiments inside you, but she’d be damned if she allows you to carry even more burdens into your already heavy shoulders. 

“… We went to another store, a candy store. The one where I got the sweets for you guys. Said he wanted to go because he knew I liked them.”

“How… what?” Mariya asks, fear invading her voice at the prospect of Naoya finding out the depths of your relationship with Naoaki—

Having gone through these same steps yourself, you proceed to clarify the situation.

“It’s because of the wedding. Because I—I ate two slices of cake, apparently enough evidence for him to assume I liked sweets” you murmur “I also thought he’d figured out the situation with Naoaki, but he hasn’t… or if he has, he hasn’t told me”

“I don’t think he has.” Mariya concurred. “I made extra sure to keep things hidden from him.”

“… thank you.”

“don’t mention it” she says, giving you a smile.

“But it still doesn’t make sense.” you frown. “All of it, everything—Why would he do that if it wasn’t to make fun of me? To mock what they mean to me? I thought he would forget about it, like he always does when I speak to him, but somehow this was the exception!”

“You won’t have to worry about that anymore” she says “We’ll keep them away from you. Out of sight, out of mind.”

“… Do you think he’ll approach me to ask about them?”

Mariya wishes to say no, but that would only be lying to you.

“I think he will, eventually. Particularly after being informed you’ve received them. Although I’m more worried by the fact that he hasn’t already.” He’s kept a close watch on you days before your second visit to the doctor, but after that, he kept away. 

Why?

“…why can’t he just leave me alone?” you lament.

“Try not to think about it anymore” she soothes. “It’s being dealt with. The next time you come to your room those boxes are going to be gone, as if they were never here, and all that you’ll have to worry about is trying on Hitomi’s clothes”

“…I wish I could do more for all of you, for all the things you’ve done for me”

“Seeing you happy is enough for me”

“Then I’ve never been able to repay you”

“That’s not true… moments ago you were teasing me about Tatsuro!” she laughs, and her reaction makes you give her a weak smile. “I’m happy when you’re happy. Hitomi and Haruko too, they love to talk and spend time with you; there’s even moments where I have to reel them back into doing their job!

And don’t forget Mai and Maki too. They’re always looking for you whenever they can, even if their mother doesn’t want them to be that close to you. In fact, I dare to say that even Junko-san is getting to enjoy your company nowadays! That’s been more than enough payment if you ask me”

At her words, all you can do is sob.

“Oh, Y/N—”

“I’m—ah, I’m sorry you have to see me cry all the time!” you gasp, frantically wiping the tears out of your face “It’s pathetic, isn’t it? I want to be happy for all of you too!”

“Take it easy, one day at a time” she smiles, squeezing you.  “We don’t have to do anything else for today if you don’t want to—you’ve already completed most of your chores anyways, we can just stay here and rest”

“What about the pending one?”

“Eh, I’m sure I can make something up” she shrugs, and you sniff before chuckling.

“Then I guess I want to do that” you respond. “And try out Hitomi’s clothes, maybe take a nap after that.” 

“I can arrange that.” Mariya grins. “Let’s wait for Tatsuro and the rest, I’m sure they’re already on their way here. And once that’s set I’ll get you something to drink so you can relax while you get ready for Hitomi”

And just as she said, footsteps were soon heard gathering outside your room, a quick knock on your door before it slid open, revealing the rest of your staff and Tatsuro’s entourage. 

Mariya peels away from you so as to help them get the boxes out of your chambers as soon as possible, but her boyfriend halts her, telling her that it was their job to do… to which Mariya reluctantly agrees, more so after Tatsuro’s teasing smirk (to which she responded by rolling her eyes), gestures that did not go unnoticed to Hitomi, who has yet to place the pieces together, but is moving dangerously close to doing so the longer she ponders at them.

After the group quickly retrieved the boxes, they made way towards an unaccounted chamber, —the same one your yellow kimono from the first time you went to the doctor (the one you couldn’t even dare look at due to it’s painful significance) was stored in— and placed them there, never to be seen again.

The rest of your day proceeds accordingly, with you fitting on Hitomi’s newest kimono, which fits perfectly on you, a testament of her incredible skill, outside of a few small details to be fixed here and there—things she could easily handle—while Haruko shared with you all of the snacks she had stolen from the kitchen; apparently there were many new fresh ingredients delivered that morning, and she wanted to be the first one to try them all out.

Mariya would come back with tea that she assured would help you relax, easen a bit and enjoy this moment… Yet, her efforts alongside those of your staff would be for naught, for as much as you wanted to think of anything else but what had transpired, your mind kept pulling you back to the shocking sight of the albums before you, and how to overcome this obstacle.

You considered rushing to seek Naoaki out and tell him what happened, but you’d either miss him for he’s already on his way to work, or distract him from his responsibilities…

And you didn’t want to bother your ladies anymore than you already have… crying and lamenting yourself had become quite embarrassing for you, even though there were days that was all you could do…

Well, whatever your entangled sentiments held, there was one thing that remained persistent, and that was Naoya’s presence in your mind:

The moment you’d encounter him again, the excuse you’ll have for when it happens, and most of all, the intentions behind those gifts.

[ladyknightellen]

Dear Fic Writers,

Accessibility is not a romantic gesture.

As someone who is disabled, and primarily (almost exclusively) reads fics with disabled characters, I find that I notice certain trends among them. I could list them out and ramble on about every single one in great detail (and probably will at some point) but the one I want to talk about in this post specifically is the way that access needs are treated and talked about in these stories.

More specifically: When the access needs of the disabled character have been provided for them by the abled love interest and it's framed by the narrative as a grand romantic gesture.

The three most common ways I see this (sometimes all in the same scene) are:

The non disabled love interest has provided accessibility to the disabled love interest as a grand surprise and this is used as the catalyst for them falling in love.

The disabled love interest is written as being profusely thankful for some provision of access needs and entire scenes or whole chapters are devoted to them being thankful for the non disabled person providing accessibility.

When the disabled person is dismissive of their own needs. This one kind of goes along with #2 and often occurs in the same scenes, but it's when the disabled person says something along the lines of 'oh you didn't have to do that' or 'you shouldn't have gone to all this trouble'.

You might be looking at this list and thinking 'but what's wrong with being thankful?' Well, nothing at all really. The problem is what kinds of narratives you're creating and what kind of rhetoric you're reinforcing with these tropes.

There's nothing wrong the disabled character thanking the non-disabled person for making sure their needs are met; but there's a difference between a character just saying 'thank you for doing that' and an entire scene that is borderline gratitude groveling with tears in their eyes and falling in love on the spot just because the non disabled love interest provided them something that they need to exist in the world. Now, that's not to say that in real life disabled people don't ever do this, they absolutely do. When someone thinks of my needs without me having to remind them, I genuinely feel like I might start crying sometimes. But you see, this is exactly why I wish I didn't have to see scenes like this in fanfic.

And I'm not talking about escapism. What I'm actually talking about is the ideas that scenes like this are reinforcing. The reason it makes me want to cry when someone thinks about my needs without me having to ask, is because I usually do have to ask. And more often than not, my needs are denied, or I'm challenged on whether I really do need them. Then I'm forced to prove my disability to them and sometimes I even have to be prepared threaten them with an honest to god printout of the Americans with Disabilities Act (yes I have done this with an employer and while it might sound all girlboss or whatever, it really kind of just sucked ass that I even had to do that just to use a fucking stool while I worked.)

My point here is that being denied our needs is the norm, and abled society at large expects us to be content with having to fight tooth and nail for the bare minimum. This is why so many disabled people hate the term 'special needs' because our needs are not 'special' they are just our needs. They are the things we need to survive and to be a part of the world and interact with our communities.

That's why those scenes don't feel romantic to me. Because it feels like the writer wants me to coo over the abled love interest who was so wonderful and thoughtful and caring for doing the bare minimum. Sorry, not sorry but that doesn't feel romantic to me in the slightest.

So the next time you're writing a fic with a disabled character, please keep this in mind. Instead of writing a narrative that praises an abled character for doing the bare minimum, maybe try for a less melodramatic option. There are a hundred different ways you can do this, and consider this post and invitation to ask for help on how to do that. Genuinely, please ask me these questions!

Overall, the main point I want you to take away is that a disabled person's access needs are not an opportunity for your abled character to be the hero.