#and I need the money more rn than anything
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Hello hi…
It’s been about a year since I’ve been active and I’m back bc. I’m selling parts of my Big Fall Out Boy collection :0
This one.
Dm me with any questions/ for more information;0
#uhh pls spread if you’re willing🤧#basically#finley(me) was in a bad bad car accident about a year ago#scrambled my brain pretty bad and messed a lot of things up for me#and I need the money more rn than anything#and I’d rather have my collection that is so special to me#go to people that like fob the most#uh warning. I am selling based on what they seem to be going for rn#but like. reasonable offers like. I’m willing to compromise#fall out boy#fob#andy hurley#joe trohman#pete wentz#patrick stump#vinyls
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actual conversation i had with my dental hygienist
hygienist: so what did you study at university?
me: chemistry...
hygienist: damn, no wonder you look so sad!
#this is especially funny now that i got a new job and it has like... barely anything to do with my degree LMAOOOO#mostly bc the job market is rough rn and i kinda need the money more than anything... but damn LOL#and then he proceeded to give me a speech about his own road to becoming a hygienist#how he started in business but then hated it so he started dj-ing#then found that he got bored of it and so he went to med school. but found that too much of a hassle as well#so now hes in dental school and working as a hygienist as he completes his schooling and is NOW debating on changing careers again#and like noah fence to the guy i know he was trying to be encouraging about how 'ur degree shouldnt shackle u to one type of career'#but also his carefree nature is sending alarm bells in my head bc the only ppl who speak like that are people who can Afford#to soul search like that. bc if i knew my parents are there to catch me if my new venture failed#damn i'd do fucking whatever i wanted to as well!! but ofc idk if hes really rich like that#he did have an aura tho. rich people aura. they got a way of talking sometimes... especially western ppl....#ANYWAY.... just wanted to share how i got scalped with my mouth wide open filled with blood thank u for listening to my ted talk#zee talks
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Does anyone else find that music gives them inspiration for stories? Im working on my first game's story rn and quite a few songs have helped me figure out what i want some of the places/characters to be like
Spider Girl and 1000 Doors helped so much with thinking up a certain part of the game😭
In terms of dialogue, Ive got some dialogue options for a shopkeeper but nothing past that💔
#I swapped a characters role with another character who i think would be much more significant and actually make more sense#still need to find a game engine i already have gamemaker studio 2 but apparently it costs quite a lot of money to release a game on there#ocs#the character i swapped out is still somewhat important lore wise but ill decide whether to include them in the game as a random npc#or just leave them in my sketchbook till i actually start writing the thing theyre supposed to play a pretty big role in#btw this is a different game than the one i posted about a few months ago i deleted the post tho#im still cringing at something i wrote in it#the game hasnt been abandoned btw its just a bit too complex to make rn so im just gonna work on the plot for a few years#before actually making it#Also#THE SHOPKEEPER ISNT BASED ON SEBASTIAN SOLACE I JUST WANT TO CLEAR THAT UP CAUSE I KNOW SOMEONE IS GONNA SAY THAT WHEN THEY SEE HIM#HES EXISTED FOR 2 YEARS BEFORE PRESSURE EVEN CAME OUT AND I WAS JUST A BIT INSPIRED BY SEBASTIAN TO MAKE THE CHARACTER A SHOPKEEPER#THEY DONT HAVE ANYTHING IN COMMON APART FROM BEING SHOPKEEPERS WHO WEAR COATS AND HAVE SIMILAR NAMES🤬🤬🤬#The only reason i even started making ts is because i read Horrortale and thought it was sick asf and got inspired to make a game similar#feels like every indie game somehow is inspired in some way by Earthbound#i have like 60 unused joke death screen dialogues which nobody will ever see cause theyre all cringe and being replaced by actual dialogue#oc#most of the characters and places have existed for ages before this but are just being used now#the mc was gonna be in a totally different thing but idk if ill even make that now#i really like one of the character designs i came up with for it so ill find some use for them ig#gardar
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hm am i going insane or is it just november
#is my life falling apart or am i just 27#it's dark at 4pm and i have no life when i'm not working#😵💫😵💫😵💫#and my career plan sucks#it's unrealistic and i can't afford it and teaching pays absolute shit#but its the only job i dont suck at that won't drain my soul or kill my body#so i want to go for another associate's or (kill me) a bachelor's#bc i NEED a job that is full time and pays actual money so that i can get my own car and start my daycare business#and i cant do that without a minimum of an associate's in early childhood#they wont let me work full time as anything except maybe a pre k aide without an associate's in ece#and that job may never become available#but with an associate's i could be lead in prek or kindergarten i think or full time as an aide in any grade#and substituting just isnt reliable enough and there's no benefits#tho the pay probably isnt that different by the hour i dont get enough hours rn so#ughhhhh#im gonna take one class in january bc its all i can afford and idk how hard it will be w my current job#then hopefully the next semester i can do two at a time from then on while still working as a sub#or hopefully by then i can at least be an aide part time and a sub the rest of the time#but anyway 😵💫#its all so expensive and unrealistic just to get qualified to get paid not very much lol#and i wouldn't want to work at any other school than the one i'm at either#so while being more qualified will make it easier to get a more permanent position there it still wont open up my job prospects beyond that#anyway why does the world always start ending for me in november lately#how am i supposed to have myself a merry little christmas in these conditions
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mom asked what i want for christmas how to explain i would like 200 dollars to commission a tumblr mutual to write a lot about my ocs
#i dont even have an idea rn i just ... want to commission someone...#god i wish i wasnt poor#if i could !!! i would spend all my money on artists!!!#would there be anything more gratifying than supporting people who make the art that makes me feel alive#like not even just commissions#i would be a benefactor old style. have them stay on my SPRAWLING ESTATE#but my sprawling estate is also bustling with family friends and ppl who just need a place to stay#my ultra rich fantasy is just having a big house and being able to help as many people as i want to. god.#its making me sad thinking about it actually
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☔️
#having a family has never been anything but a burden for me sadly#i always feel like a burden who drags my family down#but truth is i dont bother them. i only let things affect me and myself#i never do anything that affect my family#this is harsh but i have to vent....#because of things and my mom not making it work#she'll be completely without money for july and august#that is really bad bc we are already poor#and without her income we're basically screwed#i feel frustrated bc i do mine. i do what i need to do#they've always been mad at me for being a failure and a fuck up but i've always made sure i do what i have to to get my income#but my mom didnt plan well enough and here we are#i know i shouldnt be angry but i just feel so angry#i've done what i can do as to NOT stress about money#but she didnt and now it'll spill over me and affect me#im so fucking stressed omg sskkskskskksksks#will we be able to make rent?#it's just so frustrating#for every little thing that happens i realize more and more that for me#family will never be anything other than a burden i dont want or need#if im on my own i take care of my shit and that's that#i wont have three other ppl dragging me down and fucking things up#jesus christ... thanks mom#why didnt she plan better to avoid this? i dont understand ppl#im so meticilous with having plan 1 b c d e etc etc#i know things go bad and i want to be sympathetic with her#but the situation she's put us in.... i cant be anything but angry rn
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switch to history major yes/no
#cons: spent money on bio stuff already so thats a waste -_- uhm sunk cost fallacy. uhm idk ill teach hs history or work in#an office i just cannot do stem im sorry i was made to write non-research essays and present stuff. sigh#evil stem students etc like. whatever im stressed its week four. i should kms#just like. i love bio but only the bio classws not like physics and chem and calc etc. i have to take ochem in a year or so. idk what#dipoles are or how to read a lewis chart#so like im passionate abt the subject but only the surface level stuff yknow now mechanisms beyond that. genetics was hell evil course#and i dont want an environmental science degree cause then youre locked into mostly consulting or gis stuff which#no way. augh let me teach hs historyand then get a phd in some hyper specifically field and then get some tenor job in fourty years idk#like i do think history is an easy subject literature too. to me like the same way i never needed to study ecology cause#you dont actually learn anything yiu just know facts and concepts not like equations. like fake learning.#augh whateverrr i will simply rot i dont think id be able to finish this degree between working and taking more than 12 hours a semester#like. its a lot -_- i feel bad complanjng cause my dad graduated taking twenty hours and working over full time 😭 but also#it was like thr 90s so not much else to do if#ig*.#el oh el whateverrrr ill figure it iut mwah. for rn i gotta finish my chem hw then shower
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does anybody have experience with like, using ko-fi that they wouldn’t mind sharing? or any experience doing commissions?
#even if you have no advice - reblogs for others to see may help!#normally i'd uh. post this type of thing on my main but ive got a lot more followers here than there and im in a really bad spot rn#ofc ofc no one has to respond / send me anything#but im uhh... desperately trying to get out of my parents' house now so i need to figure out more ways to make money quicker than my job#/rambling
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#i need to do some brain working out to try to get stronger and not overthink things#but i am upset and feeling very anxious rn (:#i came back from the optician (which i was dreading) and just started sobbing#i'm so overwhelmed right now you have no idea#i went to get my new glasses which were SO FUCKING EXPENSIVE like waaaaay more than i thought#and i don't have much choice of frames either because of all the shit that go into my lenses#but the choices i had today where not only very few but also ugly as fuck#but literally had no choice cause i don't have money and i had to get the cheapest frames to sort of balance how expensive the frames are#and what makes me feel like a piece of shit is that i'm complaining about ''ugly frames'' and whatever when i am able to get them#like i was able to do all the tests i needed to get done i am able to go and buy the glasses with the graduation and the prism and everythi#and i'm SO FUCKING LUCKY that i can and that i have a job that allows me to buy these#and that my family doesn't have to pay them (cause we couldn't)#and i feel like a dick for complaining cause i can fix my eyesight (to an extent) with glasses and i'm not actually blind or anything#but it also sucks that i have to spend literally all of my money just to be able to see#i'm trying so hard to get in the mindset that i'm not getting these glasses for fashion but as medicine#like if i needed a wheelchair it wouldn't be for fashion either#these are aids to help me be healthy and safe and not get run over by a car#even if they look like shit#but you know i'm conflicted :/#angel talks#personal
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Unsure if I've lost the thread for ladue or if I'm just exhausted
Probably more the latter tbh. I hope.
#speculation nation#ladue shit#i swear to fuckin god chapter 3 is currently 18k words and im SO CLOSE TO DONE#but i havent written anything the past few days bc ????#my only day off this week was yesterday and i spent most of it lying down#coping with the rest of this week.#i mean i invited this. i need the money so i was like 'if u could put me at 30 hr Minimum. pls do'#turns out a lot of ppl r gone bc spring break so it worked out Swimmingly#i was scheduled for 31 hours and as it stands ive worked like 2 hours more than that. so.#it'll be GREAT for the paycheck. not so great for the writing brain.#i tried to write yesterday but i just kinda pooped out after 100 words. eugh.#it's a pretty clear shot to the end from where im at rn. no post-scene planned like in chapter 2#i just need to follow this thread of conversation to its natural result. the culmination of this entire damned chapter#it's ALL been leading up to this. so no i cant just cut it where im at. i Have to finish it.#so close i can taste it. but i am So fucking tired.#we'll see if i can manage anything over the weekend. ugh.
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coming back here just to rant 😝
#me when everything is in fact *not* fine. like at all.#v much starting to feel again like i never should have applied to college !!!!!!#bc now i barely get shifts at work and i dont have the time to have a second job rn and there are Too Many Things#and now i dont have the money to help my mom when things break or whatever !!!!!!!#not that i did before really either but i had more than rn#everything sucks !!!!!!!!#this year is off to a very shitty start !#and im stressed#and there is literally nothing i can do to make anyone around me feel better or help them and it sucks and everything sucks !#bc on top of this. my brothers rat has been sick and i cant do anything to help him. he needs an eye appointment (so do i) and dentist stuff#which ofc we cannot afford and nowhere does financing bc canada hates poor ppl#and he turns 25 soon so his meds wont be covered#and just yk. basic surviving things like groceries except once again canada hates poor ppl and groceries cost a kidney#maybe two. throw in some other organs.#and i have to get my stupid textbooks IF osap ever decides to come on time#EVERYTHING SUCKS !!!#and i cant do anything about it 😍
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Down so bad I’m considering ugc
#is it just a get rich quick scheme or what#like I don’t believe the hype but I’ve spent all year since graduating trying to get a regular marketing job#I’m not looking to make insane money I just need to work in my field#I get so many ads for courses on how to hit 5K months at it but I’m like honestly anything is more than I’m doing rn#I think all these courses are soo predatory in this job market too but I digress#anyways. I’m scared and desperate and I’m not a good freelancer cuz I hate sales so#personal#roxiecore
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HEY COMRADES. does anyone have any good sources for getting binders built for fat fooools like me.
#guhhhh HEELPPP i posted smth like this on twitter but. well. i havnt caight any fish yet#i feel like theres this gender epiphany ive been hearing. every few months it repeats. slightly louder than before#and after a decade thisshit is BLARRIINGGGGGG#FUUUUUCK LET ME OUT OF THIS BODYYYY LET ME OUUUUTTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#I HAAATE BEING IN MY WONDERFUL LIL FAIRY LAND W ALL MY QUEER FRIENDS WHO LIKE. UNDERSTAND.#and then falling thru a portal into tha Real World where gender is percieved sostupidly. where gender is Just What u ARe and thers No Escap#these vile humans will only eever see me as a girl like yeah maybe im that too but im MOOREE!! LET ME BE MOREEEEE#SOLUTION? look more like a boy i gueesss i just. want ppl to not be sure. i want ppl to use both. i want to be more#but thennnn yknowwwww ofc i get into that thought loop of like. does this rly matter. do i need to be havin meltdowns abt gender rn#like i have to go to work ina few hours. i have other things my money should be going to#do i really need to be anything other than a girl out there. cant i just grin n bear it and get my money#i dunnnooooo if any other trans ppl out there can hear me but pleeease... wadda hell is going on#is this normal? is hatching supposed to hurt? am i even hatching in the first place? this shell is so so hard n impossible to break#is there even a shell? i juuust want to be freeeee........#mmaube i can soothe this gender crisis with anither severe burn wound. i miss my wound its all healed now n its gone :(#one day ill have the power to rid myself of human flesh and live forevaer
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EI rejected my claim and doesn’t say why, and I’m panicked and furious. This could mean I receive no EI support at all this month, and not only do I have rent to pay which takes almost two EI payments alone, I now have school costs as well.
I feel like the world is falling apart around me just as I started to move forward for the first time in eight years.
#this is probably the most. unsafe i guess. i’ve felt in months#i genuinely don’t know if i can handle all the things happening#losing our home. having to find a new place. my monthly rent at least doubling. the cost and stress of going back to school.#having to cut my hours once i’m back at work so i CAN go to school#no having any clue where my family is going to end up living#knowing that everyone in my family will be losing money after selling the house because we will all be renting#but it’s the only option because my mom doesn’t have enough money to survive on and the house half belongs to her#so she needs that money now#but if we could hold on to the house for even just three more years we would be in a much better spot financially bc#1. my dad wouldn’t be losing 2000+ dollars a month on rent 2. i wouldn’t be spending an additional 600 or more on rent than i already am#3. because they’re developing the area around our house the value of the house will increase significantly#but it’s just not a fucking option#because sixteen years ago i forgot my fucking lunch and a bus decided to total my mom’s car and leave her permanently disabled#and i thought i got over blaming myself years ago because i REALIZE how fucking stupid it sounds#i was a fucking child i had no idea me forgetting my fucking lunch would mean my mom got hit by a bus#but it did#i forgot my lunch and a bus hit my mom and she had to leave the career she loved#and because she wasn’t working she was crossing the street two years later and got run over by a FUCKING car#and because she got run over by a car she was told that not only would she not return to work in the next five years she would likely never#work again. and she would also live with pain so bad they would put her on medications so heavy she became a different person#a violent person who i was scared of and who she herself didn’t understand and didn’t like and who in her own words#would have killed herself if she didn’t need to take care of me.#and because she was now an unemployed and struggling TBI survivor she was in the back of a car coming back from the CtCB awards#for TBI survivours when the car she was in was hit AGAIN and she needed to be cut out of the back seat.#the universe sure has a sick sense of humour#and because of the physical and emotional and financial strain on the family my dad became more stressed and angry and took it out on my mom#and eventually (thankfully for their own health) they got divorced#but now we’re here. losing the house. all because of the most disgusting butterfly effect i’ve ever encountered personally.#and it was my fault#anyway. i’m not going to do anything stupid i know that won’t help anyone. but i still don’t exactly want to be alive rn.
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I don’t really want to wade into discourse too much today because I know everyone is extremely miserable online rn but I think if you want to give people genuine advice on what to do politically, “join a union/get involved in your current union/organise your workplace” or “join ACORN/a tenant union/etc” is much more actionable advice than like “build community.”
the problem with “community” is that it doesn’t have the same formal infrastructure / resources / political connections / organising capacity that allows your hard work to have reach far beyond your immediate circle (which is what a union has), and also because like, “community” is an extremely vague and abstract concept that can mean anything from a local restaurant run by your neighbour to a church to your dnd friend group. Reaching out and helping your neighbours is a good thing, lots of people are having a really tough time and helping people around you pay rent or take care of their family or etc is a good thing and you should feel good doing that, but in response to the complete institutional and political failure of electoral liberalism I think the next best option is to turn towards already existing national infrastructure that can mobilise people without requiring you to individually maintain dedicated personal relationships with everyone around you. In my experience + the experience of many long-time activists that I know, relying on interpersonal connections to organise and get things done leads to highly sectarian, disorganised, toxic, and unpleasant organising conditions. The cold impersonal bureaucracy of union membership is legitimately a good solution to this problem.
there are many little positions of power available in these organisation that become open to you for as low a cost as showing up to zoom meetings. I have personally been elected to positions in various unions/orgs literally because I was someone who showed up to meetings! Nobody goes to committee meetings! You get annual budgets! You get to pass votes, organise events, spend money on organising materials! You get to buy food for people! Organising is so much easier in these spaces.
And of course, you are going to face the same ideological resistance, apathy, ignorance, incompetence, and bigotry that you would at your local queer meet-up or community neighbourhood council, and I have no illusions about the institutional limits of unions (which can also be reactionary, bigoted, highly disorganised, incompetent, toxic, and so on), but if you want to avoid completely exhausting yourself and resenting everyone around you, you don’t need to build “community” from the ground up, there are already structures out there where you can do good work. For all the resistance there is to unions and union activity, you will face that same level of resistance with local organising but have none of the power, resources, or institutional legitimacy already secured by unions
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I’m looking at MLT to MLS programs purely bc I want to be able to call myself a scientist in the future
#a bachelors degree#that’s all I need really#there IS a phd program for medical lab science but it’s new and I really don’t need to be a doctor of anything#also pretty sure that all of these programs are expensive as hell#it’s just that being an MLS means u make way more money than MLTs do#labs are desperate for ppl rn they’re hiring bio students and just teaching them about the analyzers and going from there#god help us if an analyzer goes down and the lab is just full of 19 year old undergrads#whole hospital dead lol
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