#and I made salted caramel sauce!

[tj-crochets]

Very few craft updates this weekend, because I spent the weekend mostly playing stardew valley and cooking. I hadn't been able to cook for a while so it's been nice!

[mkstrigidae]

I like to make like, super rich and concentrated hot chocolate on the stove so I can store it in my fridge and then like, dilute it a bit, reheat it and it's the perfect richness balance for whatever I'm feeling that day. It's one of those things i don't really measure ingredients for because it's very difficult to do it wrong- it's just about making sure you like the taste. So, uh, I got distracted while I was making it (because i have a mouse in the walls of my apartment and a dog who loses his mind every time he hears said mouse and insists on telling me about it) and long story short there is like a gallon of hot cocoa concentrate in my fridge now whoops

[gobbluthbutagirl]

the rumor come out: does tumblr user gobbluthbutagirl is just completed the most ambitious dirt & worms pudding trifle of all time?

[littlegildedswallow]

made some mi goreng sauce. stir fried noodles and fried eggs for breakfast tomorrow fuck yeah.

[buffetlicious]

As part of its Christmas festive menu, KFC Singapore brought back the Parmesan Truffle Chicken for a limited time from 27 Nov 2024 to 1 Jan 2025. On the menu is a new Parmesan Truffle Burger and Salted Caramel Mochi Ring to celebrate the holiday season. A specially arranged Christmas jingle is also available to enhance your Parmesan Truffle Chicken experience. Created by consumer neuroscientist Professor Gemma Calvet from Nanyang Technological University, the jingle is designed to amplify the natural savoury flavours of the chicken. You can scan the QR code below for the jingle.

I didn’t go for the fried chicken as I had prior warning from a colleague who had eaten it. Instead, I went for the Parmesan Truffle Burger Box (S$12.80) consisting of a burger, a piece of fried chicken, regular cheesy whipped potato, regular fries and a drink. When I bit into the burger there was no truffle aroma nor parmesan cheese taste. All I got was the good old Zinger Burger! Lucky for me, my camera had “eaten” first so now I have got proof to go complain to KFC.

The very next day after work, I approached one of the staff at the counter and showed her the pictures. I told her I had bought the Parmesan Truffle Burger Box armed with the receipt but it came with Zinger Burger inside. She looked at the pictures and told me Zinger is correct. I got a little annoyed at her reply, I know it’s a Zinger Burger except mine had no truffle or parmesan cheese in it. Luckily, another staff member stepped forward and let her know I had been given the wrong order. She took a freshly made burger off the shelf and passed it to me. Case closed.

The Parmesan Truffle Burger is basically a Zinger Burger drizzled with truffle-infused cheese sauce and sprinkled with grated parmesan. Although I enjoyed the juicy fried chicken patty and the earthy flavour of the truffle, the powdered parmesan is overwhelmingly salty! But eaten with the buns and shredded lettuce, kind of balanced out the brininess a little bit, however, it is still salty. Now you know why I didn’t go for the fried chicken version as according to my colleague, she had to peel away the chicken skin just to make it edible. And here I was wondering if KFC even do quality testing before they released these products.

Selected image and video courtesy of KFC Singapore.

[weaselle]

i seem to always have a comfort drink. Like my baseline comfort drink is coffee -- even when i've been homeless and in the rain, or derailed mid travel plan and stuck in place with no idea what to do, if i can get a cup of coffee, i can have some small amount of feeling okay and like i have agency in my fate.

But coffee is just the baseline, i usually have some other drink that occupies the top spot of the day (actually more like of the month or season)

Not so much this winter but the two winters before this, my comfort drink was actually just any spicy broth (i particularly liked spicy shrimp like the ramen packets but without the noodles and i'd add a bunch of sriracha - like, a LOT a lot - or a broth made from chicken stock but proper simmered the chicken bones for a few hours stock, also with a bunch of hot sauce or cayenne)

Right now my comfort drink is a cup of this tea

with a packet of this

but you don't have to use the whole packet, you just use it as sweetener and add basically as much as you would add sugar or honey - i usually add about half a packet and it's still pretty sweet, tonight i wanted something as sweet as hot chocolate, so i used the whole packet, and it is hitting *chef's kiss* but i'm not always in the mood for so much sweet

with the tea bag, not only is the drink more delicious than the apple cider alone when using the whole packet of cider, but you never thin out the spiced flavor of the apple cider too much to taste good, because you've got the spice base sorted already, so you can really control the sweetness to your liking without sacrificing flavor.

I've also quite enjoyed the same thing with this tea

as well as liking it with a lemon zinger and a black "chai" which in the states seems to mean black tea with like, pumpkin pie spices (you know, allspice, clove, cinnamon and i always put a little ginger in my pumpkin pies too, anyone else?)

there's probably at least a dozen other teas in any big grocery store that would go good with apple cider too.

Hot Chocolate?

For that i go straight to the spice drawer. Start by making sure you include some milk or half and half or something, if microwaving you can mix half a mug of water and half of whole milk, or you can do like 1/4 mug of half&half or cream and just mix it with the water and mic it. That's where i'm coming from i'm not talking super gourmet by any means. But for all the gods' sake put some milk, even rice milk or almond milk or coconut milk in there to give your hot chocolate some bones.

Sorry, i mean if you just use water the hot chocolate will always feel too thin and unsatisfying, and you'll find you're trying to fix it by adding more and more of the powder until it almost becomes a syrup and then the chocolate taste is a bit strong by then. But if you have a cup of fats and proteins and natural sugars and things to start as your base, you get a drink that feels big and thick and rich and filling the way hot chocolate in your fantasy is. Or whatever, i don't know you, maybe you like watery thin hot chocolate as a hydrating drink while playing ice hockey or something who knows. Personally, sometimes i'll just straight up use a mug full of half & half or use a bunch of heavy cream if i'm feeling particularly decadent.

regardless, what i recommend is: you grab your instant cocoa powder of choice, and before you put it in your preferred liquid you mix at least a couple of these other powders into it.

a dash of cinnamon a sprinkle of nutmeg a dusting of powdered ginger a bit of ground cayenne a pinch of salt

You can do it per mug or you can premix your whole canister of hot chocolate.

For me, the cayenne and salt are mandatory. Huge difference, the salt really plays up the chocolate flavor and while ideally you probably don't actually taste the salt, but even if you put in enough that it's a little salty, the effect is like salted caramel. Like, sometimes i do it on purpose. And cayenne and chocolate is just one of my favorite combinations ever. So.

BUT! i've also had good results starting with a mug of whole milk and brewing in a bag of something like this

before adding plain instant hot chocolate (and l little bit of salt)

anyway, my little drink recipe fiddles

[kcrossvine-art]

hi birds of paradise and of prey! I sincerely hope your 2024 has been kind to you so far, and if it hasn't, I hope it starts being fucking nicer soon. We got eyes on it and are ready to take it out should it fail.

I'm coming to the end of my list here soon, so if anyone has ideas on what they'd like to see next, please do hit me up! Even if its just a piece of media with interesting food in it and not a specific dish you wanna see. My roommate got me a recipe book from that TikTok fantasy tavern guy, "recipes from the lucky gryphon"? So we could also take a shot at a few of those, although im not really familiar with his work. Regardless-

We will be making Stuffed Cabbage from Lord of the Rings Online today!

(As always you can find the cooking instructions and full ingredient list under the break-)

MY NAMES CROSS NOW LETS COOK LIKE ANIMALS

SO, “what goes in to this Stuffed Cabbage?” YOU MIGHT ASKYou cant kinda put whatever you want for seasonings and even the meat filling. I used ground beef but pork and lamb are also stellar candidates.

Yellow onion

Garlic

2 eggs

Ground beef

Rice

A head of cabbage

Oregano

Thyme

Red pepper flakes

Cumin

Crushed tomato

Tomato sauce

AND, “what does this Stuffed Cabbage taste like?” YOU MIGHT ASKBa bawsa

Very, very filling wow

2 rolls filled me up for a meal and i made about 20-ish from one head of cabage

A bit plain tbh, the texture is great but I'd really double up on the seasonings

A blank canvas for you to impart your spice preferences onto

Reheating makes it taste almost identical to fresh

Would pair well with a hot sauce dip

could also go well with an artichoke dip

If you run out of room and need to layer the rolls, I'd try experimenting with pouring some of the crushed tomato and sauce inbetween the stacked rolls. Otherwise the ones at the bottom lack a lot of the tomato flavor. However it might make the bottoms on the rolls laying ontop soggy?

. Where rice called for, used long grain white rice

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I've never blanched anything before. Theres not much western food that calls for it, meanwhile whenever my friend from malaysia shows a dish they ate, 9 times out of 10 the vegetables are blanched. Much easier process than the fancy name might suggest- boil water and dunk the thing in until its done. Whatever 'done' may be for the thing you are cooking.

Also for the ground beef (or whichever meat you use) you don't have to cook it beforehand, but in doing two tries at making these cabbage rolls i would recommend you at least season your meat before mixing it with everything else. The meat will cook to a safe temperature inside the cabbage rolls, i just prefer the taste and texture of it when cooked twice.

I give this recipe a meandering 7/10 (with 1 being food that makes one physically sick and 10 being food that gives one a lust for life again.) I want to review more horrible recipes, truly i do, so that the rating scale isnt always a 6 and above, but whenever i try something horrible its like "why the fuck would i put all the effort into making and sharing a review of this thing i Do Not Want others to eat????" yknow?? Would people be interested in roasting horrible recipes? 

🐁 ORIGINAL RESIPPY TEXT BELOW 🐁

Ingredients:

1 yellow onion

6 cloves of garlic

2 eggs

2 lbs ground beef

1 1/2 cup cooked rice

1 large head of cabbage

28oz crushed tomato

14oz tomato sauce

Oregano

Thyme

Red pepper flakes

Cumin

Salt/pepper

Method:

Saute garlic and onion in butter over medium heat until onions are caramelized. When done, remove from heat and let cool.

Season the beef to your liking with cumin, red pepper, and salt. Very, very lightly cook the beef in the same pan used for the garlic and onions. Cook until it starts to brown, but dont let it darken. 

Beat eggs thoroughly with oregano, thyme, salt, and pepper.

Add all of the above ingredients together in a bowl with (cooked!) rice. Mix thoroughly then cover and let rest in the fridge.

Core and blanche your cabbage in boiling water, peeling them off as they become limp.

Once you've separated all the leaves, cut off any thick stems that would prevent the leaf from folding.

Put roughly 2 tablespoons of meat filling into each leaf. Fold the sides of the leaf inwards and roll it up. Place each cabbage roll seam-down into a casserole dish.

If they don't all fit in one layer, its more than okay to stack. Try not to stack more than 2 layers though.

Once you've used all the cabbage, take your can of tomatos and pour them over the rolls. Mix some oregano into the tomato sauce and pour that over the rolls as well.

Bake uncovered in the oven at 350 for about 2 hours. Dont worry if a bit of tomato on top looks burnt.

IF REHEATING LEFTOVERS: Bake 10 cabbage rolls in the oven at 320 for about 40 minutes. Reduce time for less rolls.

[bonesandthebees]

I made salted caramel apple pie today (even made the caramel sauce from scratch) and I’m very proud of it

[dtfpeta]

Domesticity with Price...

(a/n: yes I want to make my lover a home cooked meal. yes I want him to wrap his arms around me while I cook. also I was this close to putting nsfw but I may just make a part two)

tags: husband!price, fluff, mentions of pregnancy, f!reader

Word Count: 1.8k __________

Price who comes home to his doting wife standing in front of the stove. A roaring pot of boiling water being salted by your delicate hands which form a harsh pinch on the granules before releasing them into the porcelain dish.

He watches from the door as you slowly canter your hips, humming along to the soft melody of Al Green from your distant record player. His cheeks contort with a smile when he hears your abysmal attempt to recall the lyrics. Startling you out of your unaware serenade when his hands catch in the fabric of your dress to wrap around your waist.

"Smells good." He comments regarding the dish. His face is buried in the side of your neck, breathing in the scent of garlic, rosemary, and other spices that coat the house in its aroma. Your own fragrance of vanilla overwhelms his senses as he sighs into the crook of your neck.

"It's not nice to sneak up on someone like that..." You chastise, knowing the irony that lies in your statement being as stealth is not something your husband is unaccustomed to. "Could've burned myself." You add, half-heartedly scolding and rolling your eyes as his arms tighten their purchase on your hips.

On the stove lies a pot boiling with its now added component of rigatoni. To its side is a sizzling pan that has been providing the house with its encapsulating smell. John eyes the skillet. The melted butter works to caramelize the now translucent onions coated in sparse flakes of red pepper and rosemary. A wooden spatula wielded in your hand stirs the minced garlic cloves, doing your best to prevent their quick to burn nature.

Price loves your cooking and you love to cook for him. Seeing as his face melts into bliss when he tastes what magic you have cast on something as simple as a chicken pot pie. Or the way his eyes bulge when you reveal that a dish he has been scarfing down like a starved dog over the past several months contains mushrooms.

Ever since that day, he has not once argued about an ingredient in your cooking. Even as he eyes the tomato sauce being added to the pan, knowing he is going to suffer a severe case of heartburn but almost welcoming it, as he knows it will accompany an array of flavors he will be holding up his plate for more of.

"M'sorry love." He relishes. "Been looking forward to this all day. N' watching you from the door just made me miss ya' even more."

You scoff at his cheesy comment, placing your left hand to rest on his forearm that is draped around you as your right stirs at the still hard noodles.

You lay your utensil down and lean back into his embrace. Closing your eyes as you feel your bodies link together like a puzzle. One piece being a head taller than the other, but fitting together nonetheless. You sway with your husband to the tempo of the song playing in the background. His body is warm against your back, being stripped of his tactical gear and left in a black cotton shirt tucked into the waist of his same toned cargo pants, the legs of which are folded above his combat boots.

"How was work?" You ask, eyes still closed and body entangled in him. He regards your question with a low hum, feet lightly stepping side to side.

"Hm, the usual. Told some of the boys we could treat em' to dinner sometime. Be nice to get together, maybe show you off a lil'?"

He lightly pinches at your sides while pulling you closer to him. The scruff of his beard dances against your skin as he attacks your neck in quickly scattered kisses.

"John!" You laugh while attempting to distance yourself from his assault. Only to be swiftly turned around where you find his blue eyes smiling fondly at you. The warm tinted light from a nearby lamp casts soft shadows on the crows feet that crinkle near his eyes. The edges of his smile lines sharpening the more he beams at you.

There's not a place on Earth he would rather be.

For the longest, he distanced himself from love. Only finding that unachievable compromises would be asked of him, and due to his work, he was never able to fulfill those wishes. It only put a strain on his and his partners' relationship. He learned to deal with the lack of intimate companionship over the years. Just having the bond of his brothers in arms till he would return to his empty flat and scrounge up whatever microwaveable dish hadn't gone freezer burnt or remnants of leftovers left in his barren refrigerator. Until he met someone he could incorporate into the unpredictable schedule of his life.

The first time you cooked for him he was floored. Joking about how he'd have to hire you as his personal chef and saying how he could only dream of coming home to this every week. You had brought the ingredients to his apartment, insisting that you would treat him to a hot meal if he helped you, which he gladly agreed to. He stood slicing carrots and celery while you stirred a pot of chicken stock, placing sprigs of thyme and bay leaves into the broth as the chicken roasted in the oven, soon to be shredded and added to the pot. Said pot being three times bigger than your head.

"You trying to feed the whole squadron?" He'd teased. To which you only responded with a light snicker, knowing that in making such a large portion would provide him with leftovers for the rest of the week-and then some.

Several years later you now stood in your shared home, a simple wedding band adorning the both of you two's hands. Price's socks litter the shared space until you have to reprimand him to pick them up. Him responding with his own accusations of how you frequently leave your bra on the couch as well as your adversity to keep your hair ties in one place. What can you say, it's just more convenient when they're around the house.

The two of you's cleaning habits aren't the only thing that could use work though. The decorations are an obvious clash of one person who enhances the space with homely, comforting pieces, and another who has a hard time letting go of secondhand artifacts. And after Price's constant defense of his 'live laugh love' banner hanging on the wall of the kitchen, you began to give in to the cliché relic.

A more than familiar tune begins to play from the record player.

"Oh my God" Price's teeth shine through his grin as he picks up on the melody as well. It's the song you shared your first dance together to.

His coordinated hands move to your hips, your own responding by wrapping around his neck. You gaze up at him. The quickening of your heart makes its frequent appearance as he looks down at you. The butterflies you feel every time you look at him have yet to diminish their strength over the years. Even as you heard stories of the dreaded period following the honeymoon phase where couples do nothing but bicker, your heart remained the same.

The only thing you can focus on is his hickory-toned voice humming to the lyrics of the track. The vibration rumbles through his chest, making its way to your ear resting upon him. He sways with your body against his until you are replicating the dance from that night. Since that night he has always made it apparent you were his first priority. He protects and serves you, as you have brought a peace to his life he didn't think was possible.

"Y'know on my way home," he began "saw this woman with her kid. Maybe 5 years old. He was sitting on a bench while she was on the ground tying his shoe. He was swinging his leg, reading some comic book to her. Poor lasses feet barely touched the ground!" He lets out a breathy laugh before pausing for a moment. "Just got me thinking."

"About?"

"Bein' a dad." He stated, kissing the temple of your face. "Making you a mum."

You smiled into his chest. John knew you wanted kids, and he did too. The time just never found itself convenient. And even now there are uncertainties, but the knowledge you have that John would be an excellent father left you planting seedlings of the idea in his head when you had the chance. Passing by a pair of cute baby shoes in the store. The ring of adolescent laughter when you'd visit the aquarium. Or even a dress you would buy, waiting for your husband to compliment it before mentioning the garment worked as a maternity piece too.

Something had been pulling at his paternal strings lately, however. He yearned to fill the house with the both of your makings. Leaving your marks in its foundation. Whether that be with the rug you both haggled for at the flea market. The broken spring of your living room couch, product of an intense wrestling match between you two. (In which both parties were considered victorious by the end.) Or the poolhouse-toned blue paint that made its acquaintance on the crown molding of your bedroom wall. (Also caused by some spout of play fighting or whatever attempt Price had to get his hands on you.)

You leaned back to search his face, only finding a look of great fondness pulling at his features. Your palms came to cradle the sides of his face before a smile stretched on your own.

"Yeah. I think I'd like that." You brought his lips to yours, embracing him in a tender touch as you laughed into the kiss. Your hold on one another tightened. Knowing that Price was ready to take such a giant step now made you giddy as you imagined him holding his future child, playing make-believe with them, and cleaning up their bumps and bruises from playing in the yard.

"Can't believe you're saying yes to a baby before a dog, John." You both laughed before you turned your head at the smell of burnt garlic.

"Shit!" You quickly grabbed a wooden spoon to stir at the red mixture before turning the stove off.

"Don't tell me you lost your touch already, sweetheart?"

"You were distracting me." You declare, pointing your spatula at the towering man. "Just get the bowls from the cabinet and set the table, yeah?"

"Of course, hun." He mocked.

You glared a burning look into the back of his before he did as instructed, your temper cooling as you poured the pot of soft noodles into a strainer.

You and John were able to turn a house into your home. Soon the floor and walls would be sheathed in memories of your family. One of the first being your dinner of a burnt tomato rigatoni pasta.

[radio-ghost-cooks]

hi tumblr, your friendly neighborhood culinary student here! the inaugruation luncheon menu is perhaps the single most politically-charged menu i've ever laid eyes on, and i want to deconstruct it. so without further ado:

a culinary student's analysis of the 2025 Inaugural Luncheon Menu

First course: Chesapeake Crab Cake with tomato tartar[e], bay sauce, pickled vegetables, romanesco, dill, and chive oil

right off the bat, we're presented with a single-option menu, which from an event planning (and thus business, which i'm majoring in) standpoint is already a horrible choice. it's also very indicative of Trump's view on choice. my way or the high way, even if its impossible for you. it's immediately alienating people with a shellfish/seafood allergy. this is going to be a common trend here. (also, note the misspelling of "tartare." tartar is a mayo-based sauce. tartare is a finely chopped vegetable dish, which the tomato element is far more likely to be.)

Second course: Greater Omaha Angus Ribeye Steak with Thumbelina carrots, broccoli rabe, carrot top herb sauce, red wine truffle jus, and potato gratin

this course is the most obvious display of values. we start with the omaha steak. statistically, men (however my professor is defining "men") are more likely to prefer steak to other meats, while women (however my professor is defining "women") are more likely to prefer lighter proteins like chicken or fish. it's very in-line with actions taken against women's rights and reproductive health, like the removal of resources.

similarly, this also declares a support of the beef livestock industry, which is the most negatively-impactful sector of the food and beverage industry on the climate. for years, there's been a push to promote alternative meats or make more plant-forward dishes to reduce the impact of beef farming. this is the exact opposite of that. the meat draws the attention in this menu.

this also excludes anyone who cannot eat red meat, or follow diets that exclude it for health, environmental, or political reasons.

then we move to the jus, which is a sauce made primarily using the juice lost in the pan during the cooking process of a meat, normally beef or veal. in this instance, it's combined with red wine and truffles, both viewed as luxurious foodstuffs by most. the dish radiates the vibe of a classic steakhouse dish. very "i'm so high-class, look at me! i'm protein-heavy and full of fancy things!" a very plain meal under a veneer of costly ingredients and percieved value.

Third course: Minnesota Apple Ice Box Terrine with sour cream ice cream and salted caramel

my immediate question, as someone who grew up in NY, is why they went with Minnesota apples as opposed to NY apples when NY is far more known for the fruit. the answer is quite simple. Trump doesn't like NY. NY voted against him, so they chose another state's apples. (this isn't to say that Minnesota apples are lesser than NY ones at all. it's simply a matter of expectation when NYC is the Big Apple and cideries litter the local landscape.)

and again we see the exclusion of those with dietary restrictions with the sour cream ice cream. good luck to anyone in attendance with a dairy allergy or lactose intolerance.

and lastly, a note on the wines. all four were from the USA. not a French or Italian or just generally foreign one in sight. two of the four were California wines, likely as a nod to his Silicon Valley friends. the other two were Virginia and New Mexico.

the menu overall reinforces what we've already seen: a highlight on the rich, the exclusion of anyone who isn't a cishet white man, and even then alienation of anyone who isn't physically flawless. this is fascism in a menu.

[the-witchhunter]

Apples in Caramel Bourbon Sauce

Want a delicious dessert? Want to up your game? Why not both? This recipe once literally got me laid, it’s that damn good, so use at your own discretion

Or not, I’m not your mother

Ingredients:

2 apples (gala or honeycrisp recommended)

1/2 cup - 3/4 cup sugar (depend on size of apples and thus the amount of sauce needed)

4 tablespoons butter (I use salted, if using unsalted I recommend a pinch of salt on the final step)

“A splash” of bourbon (couple tablespoons to a 1/4 cup)

1) core and cut apples. Peeling is optional. Smaller pieces will cook faster so I prefer cutting into 1/8 slices and cutting those slices I half, but theoretically you could just cut the apples in half. Just make them roughly the same size

2) have all your ingredients on hand. Seems silly to make this its own step? If you have to hunt down during the next step you risk burning and starting it over. Just have your stuff ready

3) in a dry frying pan, add sugar and heat on medium. DO NOT WALK AWAY! Heat until sugar is melted and caramelized. It’ll start to darken and at this stage it can go from perfect to burnt very quickly. Stir with wooden spoon if needed to prevent burning but it’ll likely clump. Just break up clumps and it’ll melt when it’s hot enough.

4) add the butter and stir to combine. At this point it’s a very rudimentary caramel sauce.

5) add apple. It’ll likely seem too thick and not coat the apples immediately but just let them cook, stirring occasionally until apples are tender. How long? Depends how big you made your apple chunks. Sauce will get thinner as it pulls out moisture from the apples 

6) fish out cooked apples once tender and set aside

7) reduce sauce for a minute or two

8) add splash of bourbon (not from the bottle directly) and cook until harsh alcohol taste is cooked off

Serve by itself or the recommended method of over a scoop of vanilla ice cream, still warm

Makes 2-4 servings

[martincrushcameback]

GUYS I made homemade salted caramel sauce and it's so so good are you proud of me cause i'm proud of me and my nummyyummy sauce

[feyburner]

hey man do you have any banging cinnamon recipes

Yes! Below are my recipes for Monkey Bread and Gooey Cinnamon Rolls.

They use the same enriched dough for a base. You can also use this dough for cinnamon babka, other types of sweet rolls or buns, etc.

Also here’s some recipes I want to try:

- Brown Sugar Cinnamon Shortbread (made this, it rocked)

- Cinnamon Roll Focaccia

- Pumpkin Cinnamon Sourdough

- Coffee Cake (King Arthur’s Recipe of the Year!)

Also check the giant apple pop tart thing I made in a recent post tagged “food” it was so good.

MONKEY BREAD

MAKES: 1 bundt pan (if no bundt pan, use 9x13” pan)

INGREDIENTS

DOUGH

3 ½ cups (420g) AP or bread flour

2 ¼ tsp (1 packet, 7g) instant or active dry yeast

1 cup (227g) full-fat milk, warm

2 Tbsp (25g) sugar

2 Tbsp (28g) butter, melted

1 egg, beaten

1 tsp kosher salt

CINNAMON SUGAR

½ cup (100g) white sugar

1 Tbsp cinnamon

BUTTERSCOTCH SAUCE

1 cup (200g) brown sugar

½ cup (113g) butter

1 tsp salt

¼ cup heavy cream or evaporated milk

DIRECTIONS

In a large bowl (or the bowl of a stand mixer), whisk together yeast, milk, and sugar. Cover and let sit 5 minutes until frothy, then whisk in butter, egg, and salt.

Add flour and mix for 2-3 minutes to form a very moist, sticky dough.

Let dough sit untouched in bowl 5 minutes so flour absorbs moisture. After resting, dough will pretty much immediately be smooth and workable instead of too sticky.

Transfer dough on a clean, floured surface. Sprinkle flour over the top. Knead, dusting lightly with flour as needed, until dough is soft, smooth, elastic, and springs back to form in 2-3 seconds when poked, 6-7 minutes.

1st Rise: Cover and let rise 1.5-2 hours until doubled in size.

Near the end of 1st Rise: Grease a bundt pan. Combine cinnamon sugar ingredients in a bowl.

Make butterscotch sauce: In a saucepan, combine brown sugar, butter, and salt. Bring to a boil over medium heat, whisking frequently. Turn off heat. Slowly pour in heavy cream (it will froth and spit). Stir until smooth. Put back on the heat until it reaches 240°. Then set aside.

Once dough is risen, pinch off bits the size of donut holes. Roll each dough ball liberally in the cinnamon sugar, then drop into pan. Halfway through, pour ½ of the warm butterscotch sauce over the dough balls. Reserve the other half. Sprinkle any leftover cinnamon sugar over the dough balls at the end.

2nd Rise (Proof): Cover and let rise until visibly puffy, 20-30 minutes.

Preheat oven to 350°. Once dough is proofed, pour remaining ½ of butterscotch sauce over the top. Shake gently to make sure sauce sinks to the bottom.

Bake 35-40 minutes until top is a deep golden brown.

Let rest in the pan 15 minutes. Then carefully flip monkey bread onto a large plate. (If you remove too early, the sauce will be runny. If you remove too late, it will stick instead of coming out easily.)

Serve warm.

NOTES

- Butterscotch is just caramel but with brown sugar instead of white.

- Many recipes use a simple butter and brown sugar sauce, but it can result in a grainy, crystallized texture. Add cream and heat all the way to 240° to get a gooey, silky caramel texture.

GOOEY CINNAMON ROLLS

MAKES: 12 rolls (1 x 9x13” pan)

INGREDIENTS

DOUGH

3 ½ cups (420g) AP or bread flour

2 ¼ tsp (1 packet, 7g) instant or active dry yeast

1 cup (227g) full-fat milk, warm

2 Tbsp (25g) sugar

2 Tbsp (28g) butter, melted

1 egg, beaten

1 tsp kosher salt

FILLING

1 cup (200g) brown sugar

½ cup (113g) butter, very soft

2 Tbsp cinnamon

optional: 1 cup chopped walnuts

+

½ cup heavy cream or full-fat milk, warmed right before rolls go in the oven

optional: Vanilla Glaze (1 cup powdered sugar, 1-2 Tbsp milk, 1 tsp vanilla. Stir until smooth.)

DIRECTIONS

In a large bowl (or the bowl of a stand mixer), whisk together yeast, milk, and sugar. Cover and let sit 5 minutes until frothy, then whisk in butter, egg, and salt.

Add flour and mix for 2-3 minutes to form a very moist, sticky dough.

Let dough sit untouched in bowl 5 minutes so flour absorbs moisture. After resting, dough will pretty much immediately be smooth and workable instead of too sticky.

Transfer dough on a clean, floured surface. Sprinkle flour over the top. Knead, dusting lightly with flour as needed, until dough is soft, smooth, elastic, and springs back to form in 2-3 seconds when poked, 6-7 minutes.

1st Rise: Cover and let rise 1 hour until larger (if not doubled) in size.

Make filling: Beat all ingredients together into a smooth, dark paste.

Roll out dough: On a clean, floured surface, roll out dough into a large, ½”-thick rectangle about the size of a baking sheet, 12x17”. The thickness is more important than the size.

Spread filling over the dough in an even layer. Leave ½” of space at the edges, and 2” of space along the bottom for easy sealing. (If using walnuts, sprinkle over top.)

Starting at the top, tightly roll up the dough lengthwise. It helps to start in the upper corner and go sideways first, then straighten out. Roll tightly to avoid gaps. Pinch the dough to seal along the seam.

Using a large, sharp knife or unflavored dental floss, slice the roll into 12 pieces. If they get a bit misshapen, just pat back into shape as you go. They don’t have to be perfectly round.

Proof: Arrange the rolls in the pan. Cover and let proof for 30 minutes until puffier.

Preheat oven to 375°.

Pour the warm cream or milk over the tops of the proofed rolls, letting it pool in the bottom of the pan.

Bake the rolls for 25-30 minutes until the tops are golden brown.

Let rest in the pan for 15 minutes before removing. If using Vanilla Glaze, drizzle over the rolls while they’re warm but not hot.

NOTES

- Same dough as Monkey Bread. I’ve experimented with richer enriched doughs (most recipes use more sugar and 2 eggs in the dough) but I tend to find them too cakey. I prefer a soft, almost stretchy, bready cinnamon roll.

- Pouring warm milk over the rolls before baking = soft, moist, and gooey.

- I’ve found that baking at 350 takes too long for the tops to get golden brown. I go for a higher temp (I’ve gone up to 400) to avoid overbaking.

[ericsprincess]

i can't stop for you and me

nc-17, Sung Hanbin/Reader, office au, lawyer!reader, also bully!reader (kinda), doormat!Hanbin, cunnilingus

~~~

A/N: Reparations ;) This is a gift for a friend. I'm not a ZB1 fan and I don't know them well, so I hope it’s at least a little bit of a fitting scenario for Hanbin.

~~~

Fucking CUTE. You think while spinning your pen between your fingers. You’re sitting behind your big wooden desk, peeking over the dossier that you’ve been pretending to read for the past 15 minutes, your eyes scanning through the office in front of you, until they find your favorite target - your new pretty assistant, Hanbin. 

To be honest, he’s not even doing anything particularly cute, he’s quite literally just doing his job, staring into a computer screen and typing occasionally. He’s that pretty and adorable just by existing, with his delicate porcelain doll face and black hair.

I should have hired that old lady, you lament, but you know it’s bullshit. You knew you’re gonna give him a job offer the moment he walked into the meeting room for his interview, all fresh from school and excited to start his career. He looked so proper and polite, thoughtfully answering every question, even daring to blush and sweat under your scrutiny. You took one brief look at his CV to check if he’s qualified enough, and he was. There might have been better, more experienced candidates, but you decided to do this thing for you, just this once. Treat yourself. 

And now it’s coming back at you in full force. 

This is not good. This is a problem. His presence makes you feel things and all of them are inappropriate at the very least. 

It’s not helping that he would obviously bend over backwards to make you happy. You don’t even need to finish the question and he’s already eagerly rushing to complete whatever unnecessary task you made up this time. No request is dumb enough for him to object, and you actually tried. He would just happily go about his way to fulfill it. You could send him to sort cases by alphabetical order backwards and he would just ask when it’s supposed to be done. Sometimes you like to ruffle his feathers a little more by giving him work that he’s clearly not ready for, like that one time where you made him give a presentation to your client instead of yourself. You actually thought he’s going to faint, but somehow he powered through it just by sheer determination, earning an approving smile and nod from you, going all red in reply. 

Not to say that thanks to his good looks he solved your perpetual problem of missing partner at every work function and dumb dinner party with clients. Now you get to drag your handsome assistant along as your plus one to every event, where you can not only parade him around, but also enjoy him fussing over your comfort, bringing you drinks, holding your coat or bag and even driving you home. You can see the jealousy in others and it makes you secretly happy. 

You wouldn’t be able to do that, if you hired that old lady. 

And even today, despite being already long past his shift, he still decided to stay working late, just because you did. The office is already empty and dark, the only sole source of light shining on his face is his computer screen in his cubicle and the light coming out of your glass walled office. 

He rubs his eyes. 

You slap the dossier down on your desk.

“Hanbin-sshi, can you please come here for a second?” you call out. 

“Yes, ma’am,” he immediately replies and gets up. He’s sluggish and obviously tired and you almost feel bad for him. Almost. 

“Can I help you with anything?” he asks. 

“Yes. I would like you to run to the Starbucks, I want some coffee. I’d like a venti pumpkin spice latte-” you pause, seeing as he’s struggling to fish out his phone to take notes. “with four shots of espresso, almond milk, light caramel drizzle, light foam, one pump of pumpkin sauce, one pump of maple pecan sauce and salt topping. Thank you.” you smirk at him as he’s dutifully tapping everything down. 

“No problem, I’ll be right back, ma’am,” he bows a little and rushes out of the door. 

Your stomach rumbles. Actually. 

“Actually!” you call out, but he doesn’t reply. You jump out from behind your table in hope of maybe being able to catch him, but when you run out of the office you can see he’s already left.

Oh well. Maybe I’ll just send him for the second time, when he gets back. 

You turn back to return to your office, when his computer pings with a message. 

Huh? He didn’t lock his computer? 

You take a look, and really - he didn’t. He must have forgotten or just didn’t care, since no one else is left at the office at this time.

Moreover, the message is not from your designated work chat app, but from a personal one. You lean forwards to take a look at the unread notification. 

matt says: so how’s the late hours with the sexy boss going? dude you’re a masochist. 

You blink. Without any hesitation you click on the chat and scroll through the last messages. 

hb says: fuck it's getting really hard to hide my boners from her

>every time she orders me around i can barely think

>i just go home and jerk off everyday thinking about her bossing me around

>if she ever finds out im screwed

>i literally stayed working late, just in case she wants something

>she could ask me to eat her pussy under her desk and i would just crawl under 

>matt i’m so fucked

Your reflection on the computer screen twists into a wide grin. Oh. What a beautiful bunch of revelations. 

You had a hunch that he must like taking orders and feeling accomplished by completing tasks, but you didn’t know it’s sexual for him. Much less, that it’s because of you, in particular. But hey, at least it validates your own interests in this little game. 

You do your best to curb your giddiness and return back behind your desk. Hanbin appears a few minutes later, with your coffee in hand and a little bag in another. 

“Here, ma’am. I also took the liberty to bring you some snack, since it’s really late and you must be hungry.” he hands you both. 

You open the little back and pull out a blueberry muffin. “Thank you, Hanbin-sshi,” you take a bite. “It’s like you’re reading my mind. I hope I’m not putting you through too much trouble.” 

“Oh, no, really, it’s not a problem,” he’s quick to assure you, shaking his head. 

“Hanbin-sshi, it’s such a joy to have you. You’re always so eager and helpful, I could not pick a better assistant,” you smile kindly at him. 

“T-thanks, ma’am, this really means a lot to me.” he stutters, cheeks already burning red. 

“Sometimes it feels like I could ask you to eat my pussy under my desk, and you would just crawl right under, wouldn’t you?” you ask with a smirk.

He freezes. Gotcha.

“I-..”

“You?”

“I- I actually, I would,” he admits. He looks nervous, like he's sure he’s busted, outed as a pervert and will be fired immediately. It looks good on him.

“Okay,” you nod and push yourself off your desk on your chair. You gesture at the space. “Be my guest.”

He looks at you disbelievingly, as if he’s not sure if you’re serious or if it’s just some kind of a prank. But eventually, he seems to make up his mind. 

He slowly falls on his knees. He looks at you, as if to check whether it is really something you want, and when he sees you’re not putting a stop to it, he slowly crawls on his all fours under your big desk. 

You roll your chair back to its place. You look down, where two big eyes are staring right back at you. 

“I hope it were not just empty words, Hanbin-sshi. I’m sure you don’t want to disappoint me,” you warn him. 

“No, of course not, ma’am,” he hurries to assure you and visibly gathers all the courage to actually touch you. He runs his hands over your legs and leans forwards. 

He starts kissing your thighs, while bunching your skirt up, even daring to suck and lick a little at your skin. He slowly gets to your pussy and he doesn’t hesitate to lick over your panties, already wet ever since you discovered his true feelings. It’s like he’s trying to get as much of your taste as he can through them, licking until they are completely drenched with both your juices and his saliva. He’s kneeling in front of you, holding you around your hips, his whole face buried in your crotch, like he doesn't care if he can even breathe. 

It feels good and you’re getting more and more aroused, but you can’t wait for a more direct stimulation. You grab him by his hair and pull him off you by force. You quickly lift yourself up to pull down your panties, and he frantically helps, even tries to dive back in, but your hold won’t let him. 

You look into his eyes and wait a second until he calms down a bit, while he whimpers. He’s all red and clearly aroused and he looks so pretty, you’re sure you will never forget this sight of his delicate face, eager to pleasure you. 

“Now you can,” you say and let go of his hair. He doesn’t hesitate a moment and quickly leans forwards to get back your pussy. 

It feels like his tongue is everywhere. He’s licking all over your pussy and trying to push his tongue in. You have half a mind to tell him to use his fingers, but his tongue already feels so good, you want to see if he will manage to make you cum only like that. 

And it seems he will, since when he moves to your clit, it’s basically game over for you. 

He’s clearly bringing out his A-game, rubbing all over your clit with flat tongue in cruel tempo, building up your pleasure, until he can tell you’re getting close, then switching to quicker flicks, his mouth sealed around your pussy as if he was making out with it. 

You’re getting close and you know he can tell, just by the sounds you’re making. You’re so wet it must be dripping off his face. He’s tireless, his tongue never stopping, he’s even moaning a little, as if it was him being pleasured.

You grab him by his hair and push him even closer and then you’re cumming, smothering him with your pussy and juices and not letting him breathe at all, not until you’re finished. He’s not fighting it, letting you ride his face as much as you need, slowly coming down from your orgasm. 

You let him go, and he takes a deep breath. He looks up at you.

You roll your chair back a little. You take a moment to enjoy the look at him all out of his mind, kneeling under your desk, red, sweaty and disheveled. He’s breathing heavily, aroused and undeniably close to orgasm, without even touching himself.  

“Are you hard, Hanbin-sshi?” you ask. 

It’s a stupid question, his cock is obviously tenting his pants, even leaving a dark wet spot on them. But he nods regardless, eyes glazed over, face still wet. His black hair is sticking to his face a little.

“If you manage to drive us to my apartment without either crashing or cumming, I’ll suck you off. What do you think about that?”

You can see his breath hitching. He doesn’t even need to answer. 

“Go get your coat.”

[sundove88]

The Cookie Chonk Chart!!

So recently, @thetropicalfairy and I have had a discussion about which Cookies would be considered chonky- and here is the entire list! And the pic was made by her as well.

Note: Some OCs will be on this list- and some folks not shown in the pic will be as well. If there’s anyone you want to add to the list, that’s ok!

A Fine Boi (Somewhat Chubby): Herb, Churro, Aloe, Gold Citrine, Okchun, Elderberry (OC), Sable, Icicle Yeti, Grapefruit, Tiramisu, Habanero, Bubbles Dragon (OC), Snapdragon, Blueberry Pie, Lilybell, Pecan Brownie (OC), Grandberry Brawler 1/Glimmerberry, Grandberry Brawler 2/Grapeberry, Honorable Paladin Trainee/White Choco Chip, Serious Paladin Trainee/Vanilla Bundt Cake, Kouign Amann, Caramel Arrow, Silverbell, GingerBrave, Dizzy Cookie/Gorgonzola, SuperCar Cookies 1 and 2/Emmental Cheese and Cambozola, Partay Cookies/Swiss Cheese and Raclette, Blue Slushy, Xylitol Nova, Shadow Milk, Eternal Sugar, Mystic Flour, Burning Spice, Silent Salt, Golden Cheese, White Lily, Bumbleberry,

He Chomnk (Mostly Chubby): Dark Cacao, Crunchy Chip (Post Odyssey), Ice Candy, Olive, Strawberry, Custard III, Rye, Cream Puff, Cherry, Blueberry, Pinecone, Amber Sugar, Sea Fairy, Walnut, Cherry Ball, Zombie, Frilled Jellyfish, Carrot, Cotton, Milky Way, Hero, Canele, Mille-Feuille, Vanilla Sugar, Longan Dragon, Buttercream Choco, Pancake, Tea Knight, Tarte Tatin, Captain Caviar, Milkshake (OC), Snowfall Villager/Cashmere, Kind Villager/Poplin, Pumpkin, Parfaedia Principal/Deluxe Sundae, Creme Knights Preceptor/Chantilly Cream, Scovillia Headmaster/Hot Pot, Berry Parfaedia Student/Berry Compote, Citrus Parfaedia Student/Marmalade, Prune Juice, Captain Caviar, Tangerine Tanghulu, WildBerry, Timekeeper, Pure Vanilla, Mango, Muscle, Cranberry,

A Heckin’ Chonker (Very Chubby): Lord Oyster, Mozzarella, Royalberry, Princess, Tiger Lily, Milk, Beet, Yogurt Cream, Cocoa, Chocolate Bon Bon, Mocha Ray, Bacon, Pastel Meringue, Cheesecake, Red Bean, S’More, Frosted Choco (OC), Choco Malt (OC), Coconut Choco (OC), Turtle Brownie (OC), Fudge Ice Cream (OC), Snow Sugar, Ananas Dragon, Vagabond, Gelato (OC), Choco Milk (OC), Second Watcher/Choco Chunk, Grandberry Merchant 1/Blueberry Muffin, Grandberry Merchant 2/Honeyberry, Grandberry Merchant 3/Pinkberry, Spicy Scovillia Student/Army Stew, Hot Scovillia Student/Spicy Rosè, Sauna Egg, Golden Cheese Kingdom Citizen 2/Manchego, Space Doughnut,

H E F T Y C H O N K (Extremely Chubby): Avocado, Hollyberry, Princess Professor Mimolette (OC), Prince Professor Cavatappi (OC), Mala Sauce, Capsaicin, Moon Rabbit (Mostly due to her huge rabbit form), Peperoncino, Potato, Eden Dragon (OC), Dark Choco (After he left The Cookies of Darkness), Macaron, Abalone, Lotus Dragon, Spinach, Half Avocado, Hot Mala Warrior/Spicy Noodle Cookie, Spicy Mala Warrior/Chili Sauce Cookie, Mangosteen (Lychee’s Disguise),

M E G A C H O N K E R (Seriously Chubby): Lychee Dragon, Affogato (Post Episode 14), Elder Custard, Affogato’s Disciple 1/Cortado, Affogato’s Disciple 2/Galao, Pumpkin Spice Latte (OC), Mysterious Priest/Compound Choco, Marble Bread, Plain Yogurt,

O H L A W D H E C O M I N (The Chubbiest of All): Pitaya Dragon, Eggnog, Gatekeeper Cookie/Couverture, Stink Eye Tortuca,

[rederiswrites]

Fucken Wegmans out here only serving low sodium soy sauce packets I didn't know what you thought the point of soy sauce was here but this is not like artisanal soy sauce made by one family in northern Japan this is caramel coloring salt water for me to put on my maki bitch make it salty.