#and I love that chara learns to love things again

[vesper-the-great]

I think the evacuation route is neat, actually

… this is how it went, right?

[aragornideal]

god i hope i can change my major/minor and take on a bigger work load so i can hurry up and get this degree and transfer to a school where i can go wild on archival and also be a librarian and also

[signanothername]

Hi Anó! Do you have any advice for writing characters like killer? How do you achive that nuance? I love your comics and would love to learn about your artistic process a bit!

Hi Gal!! A delight to see you in my inbox! <3

Omg thank you sm hcchhcchch (have you seen your own comics???? *shakes you* /pos)

Ok but I say this genuinely, I think your ideas and comics are such a beautiful and refreshing take on these blorbos, you’re doing such an amazing job both writing and art wise (your 2 Killers idea is so fucking good eeeeee) <3333

Ok to the question xgzggxzg

Killer is definitely.. complicated to write, I struggle with him sometimes ngl shshhdh

I honestly went and reread his entire comics, lore and answered asks to get a deeper look into him to be able to write him

But when it comes to writing him, I generally try to keep 6 things in mind at all times

1-trauma: how does the resets, working for Chara, having his code get manipulated and killing over and over again till what was new became something old affect him? (the whole idea of Killer killing people started as an offer of trying something new, so he kept killing till he got bored and killing became something stagnant)

This can easily be portrayed in Killer’s canon inability to till what’s real or not, as well as his hallucinations and the guilt he’s ridden with, always running from his past yet never outrunning it, as it always catches up to him

2- conditioning: his conditioning started from the days of Chara, then continued into his days with Nightmare, how does his conditioning affect him in his daily life?

How was he conditioned specifically? And how does that contribute to Killer’s perception of self, autonomy, self worth, and life in general? How does it change his body and mind?

Does it make him believe he’s just a machine meant to please others even when it hurts him, does it make Killer perceive vulnerability as a death sentence

How does he feel about his masters? Does he hate them down to every bone, or does he not care?

3-personality: Killer’s personality always change depending on the stage, but what are the main traits that you know Killer will always have regardless of the stage? Being quiet is one thing, he keeps to himself (as much as the fandom loves to portray him as extremely hyperactive, he’s not at all the loud, talkative, hyperactive skelle the fandom makes him out to be)

He’s also extremely secretive, seems to have knowledge that others don’t, and seems to always be up for a social interaction regardless of who’s with him

He’s also actually extremely patient (another thing the fandom stripped away from Killer’s character), and is very docile (isn’t aggressive unless pushed and never is an attack on sight kinda person) yet holds a grudge big time

He seems to see himself as superior over others, he’s extremely fucking intelligent it’s actually scary

These traits are something I try to keep consistent within my writing for Killer

4- relationships: what are his relationships with other characters like, and why?

Taking the 3 points before into consideration, how does Killer’s trauma, conditioning, and personality make him perceive others and others perceive him?

Are his relationships healthy? Toxic? Are they one sided or mutual? Does he care about the person in his vicinity or are they just another nobody? If he cares why? If he doesn’t what would he do to them?

Would he take advantage of his relationship with someone or is it a relationship he wishes for it to vanish?

5-stages: I think this is truly what makes Killer extremely complicated, cause see all of the 4 points above? how does each stage differ from each other?

How does stage 1 deal with his guilt/truama and conditioning? How does stage 2, 3, and 4 deal with them?

Depending on each stage Killer’s outward perception, personality, attitude, thoughts, and actions change

But how do they change exactly?

This is something that you need to understand each stage for to be able to integrate into writing

Stage 1 is the stage where he’s most sans like, yet never sans enough, stage 2 is when he’s apathetic to everyone and everything and perceives killing as “fun” because he’s painfully understimulated , stage 3 is when he’d attack whoever is in front of him, and stage 4 is when killer is no longer present mentally

How does each stage deal with his environment, with the people around him, how does he deal with the dissociation and how does he perceive himself in each stage?

6-environments: how does the environment Killer lives in affect him?

Killer starts in an environment of time loops, how does that affect his perception of time and reality? He then becomes Nightmare’s subordinate, a dangerous environment with constant threats to his life from every angle, how does Killer feel about it? How does he deal with it?

Will he get to try his luck and escape, or has he given up on himself and the idea of freedom? Does he even believe he has a chance for a better life in a safer environment? Will he go for a safer environment or will he cling to the comfort of what he knows?

When he does finally go to a safer environment, how would that affect him? Both positively and negatively? Would he feel like something is missing? Would his mind constantly tell him that this safe environment isn’t really safe?

Then of course, beyond these main 6 things, there’s the in between, what are Killer’s likes? His dislikes? How does he feel about sleep, food?

Generally when writing characters, it’s important to keep in mind interpersonal factors, intrapersonal factors and environmental factors that ends up affecting the character’s behavior, or in this specific situation, Killer’s behavior (god I’m realizing how much my uni major affects my writing of characters rn chchc)

But I say the biggest life saving advice I have that helps with writing characters in general (and especially complicated ones like Killer) is having the question “why” as your closest friend

When you make a statement about a character, in this instance Killer, always attach the question “why” at the end till you can’t attach it anymore, until you reach a point where asking “why” becomes unnecessary and annoying

For example:

“Killer loves golden flower tea”

Why?

It reminds him of the bed of golden flowers he passed out on

Why does that matter?

Because it was the point of no return from a change that will always dictate who he is

Why is it a point of no return?

Because his soul had deformed beyond recognition and it can never be brought back to how it used to be

Why would it dictate who he is? Why can’t he just choose to be someone else?

Because he was conditioned to be this killer by a higher power out of his control

At this point, there are no more “why”s that would make something as simple as a golden flower tea statement more nuanced than it already is, so when you ask why again, you find that you’re unable to continue giving an answer, that’s the point of where you stop

In fact, allow me to test you by giving you a quick question about your own interpretation of the characters, why does your Nightmare admire Error? What is in Error that Nightmare admires specifically?

Of course, you don’t really need to answer me, but I’m just giving you an example of how asking “why” can help you make so many simple things more nuanced

Ok but what if you know there should be an answer to a “why” but you don’t know it yet? Then you keep it in mind for later, you won’t always have the answers to everything on the get go, sometimes, you need a bit of time to figure things out and write characters the way you feel satisfy you, until then, you can work on other things about the characters

*Cough* anyway, this is honestly everything I can think of off the top of my head? Hopefully I didn’t miss anything ydfhgchchchc

Do let me know if you’d like any more help or need clarification on anything, I’d be happy to help where I can <33333

Now have a sketch of your 2 Killers cause I love them dearly, they have a special place in my heart (genuinely adore how you write Killer already btw)

[sencrose]

— LOVE ME HOW YOU LIKE ♡

pairing: okkotsu yuuta x idol!f!reader

tags: noncon, stalking, yandere, breaking in, unreliable narrator (mostly yuuta pov), aged up charas (yuuta’s in his 20s), solo male masturbation, squirting, breeding/pregnancy talk/baby trapping, multiple orgasms, overstim, cunnilingus, fingering, yuuji makes a short guest appearance in the intro lol

wc: ~8.6k (... idk how this happened)

summary: Yuuta’s oshi is a horrible enabler.

a/n: happy belated birthday yuuta! atp you can rip underground idol!reader from my cold dead hands. based off of a post i made a while ago. thank you @infinitatis-ink for beta reading :> dividers by @/adornedwithlight

ao3 link here

It’s not Yuuta’s usual scene, but he felt bad when nobody responded to Yuuji’s invitation to spend a night out in Shinjuku. In Yuuta’s defense, he thought they would maybe go to an izakaya or two, get a meal and a few drinks before heading home. However, what Yuuta was unable to predict was Yuuji deciding to go to an idol show on the fly. Yuuji was practically begging him to go, making promises that it’ll be a lot of fun. And when words don’t work, Yuuji grabs Yuuta by the wrist and leads him to the venue despite his protests.

So that’s how Yuuta finds himself in a random basement venue crowded with sweaty guys on a Saturday night. Again, not necessarily his idea of a night out. But Yuuta’s a good sport, so he’ll do his best to enjoy the show anyways.

What starts as a murmur bursts into a boisterous cheer as soon as the stage lights flash on. It’s radiant, nearly blinding. It’s not the lights that sear a black hole into his vision. No, it’s you.

In that fluffy costume that makes you look like a slice of cake personified. The way your skirt bounces exemplifies the pep in your step as you make your way around the stage. Your eyes meet his as you wave into the crowd, and he thinks he’s having a heart attack.

“Good evening everyone! We really hope you enjoy the show we have in store for you tonight!” you speak into the mic, exuding a blissful aura like it's second nature. Yuuta swears he can feel it embrace him, the first warm ray of sunlight you feel after a barren winter.

The crowd roars in response before quieting down. The silence only serves to spur the anticipation drumming throughout his body, his heart beating loudly in his ears, catching in his throat.

The instrumental starts with a sweet chiptune lead, and all hell breaks loose. The rhythmic chants and clapping nearly blow out his ear drums, and he loses Yuuji in the chaos of fans rushing closer to the stage. It’s disorienting, trying to follow along while not losing his sights on you.

He moves along with the crowd, ebbs and flows like the ocean’s waves. No matter how much he’s pushed, he’s focused on you. Once he finds his footing, it gets a bit easier. It lets him focus on other things, like learning your name through the fan chants. It’s a cute one, one he savors on his tongue whenever he yells along with the crowd as you sing.

With every step, every graceful note that spills from your lips, he can only feel himself falling deeper. It’s like you’re a siren, and him, the unfortunate sailor who’s all too willing to walk to his demise. He yells and cheers even louder in his trance, just to see if you’ll grace him with another look.

And you do.

It’s brief but you look right at him again for the second time tonight, with a dazzling smile that puts the sun to shame.

How can he keep your attention? Maybe he should’ve stopped by and bought a lightstick or two before coming in.

Song after song after song, he roots for you with a frenzied energy he didn’t know he had in him. It’s a battle against his parched throat to force the words out and really make sure you can hear him. Every time you look his way, he feels electric. It’s like static, all his hair standing on edge like he’s rubbed a balloon and your gaze is the point of contact that zaps you both.

Before he knows it, the show’s over. It’s far too soon for his liking. Even though it was Yuuji’s idea, Yuuta’s really warmed up to the whole thing–far more enthusiastically than he thought he’d ever be, so much so he’s tallying the number of times you looked his way.

Six. Six times he’s felt that electricity run through him, six times you’ve made him catch his breath and nearly choke on it. Did you feel it too? There’s no way you didn’t. He could see it in the way your eyes sparkled, in the smile that was hand-delivered to him. It’s too many times to be a coincidence.

Yuuta only manages to snap out of his trance when all the lights turn back on and Yuuji slings his arm around him.

“Sorry I lost ya earlier,” Yuuji apologizes, out of breath, presumably from dancing and chanting with the wotas, “how was it?”

“It was,” he pauses for a moment, “fun.”

“See, I told you it’d be fun!” Yuuji beams at the confession. “You wanna get chekis?”

“Chekis?”

“Yeah, like a picture with one of the girls. I already know who I’m choosing tonight!” Yuuji pats Yuuta on the back, a friendly gesture Yuuta returns in kind. “But since you don’t know the members, you can just choose a color. Doesn’t really matter.”

It doesn’t really matter, he said, but it really does. Because if Yuuta chose differently he never would have been able to meet you.

So once he gets to the front of the line, he points at the laminated picture of you.

It shouldn’t be this overwhelming. Idols are normal people too. It’s a lot more obvious with underground idols, in the dingy live venues they book, in the way they stumble over their words on stage or occasionally forget a dance move or lyric. There’s appeal in the imperfect, a diamond in the rough.

But that’s the thing, you still shine bright, blindingly so.

As Yuuta walks up to you, his nerves only get worse. His senses are running on overdrive taking you in, in all your ruffly glory. Something sweet and floral hits his nostrils as he breathes in. He didn’t consider you’d be wearing perfume. It’s the right amount – just enough to whet the palate and bite his tongue in fear of saying something wrong.

He thinks he’s seeing things when he’s barely an arms width away from you, and everything about you seems to sparkle.

You look giddy when he gets up to you, a large smile plastered on your face with open arms as if you’re reuniting with an old friend.

Is he supposed to hug you?

While he hesitates, you’re quick to close the distance, wrapping your arms around his waist. Yuuta carefully does the same to you, doing his best to not implode on the spot. When you let go, he’s flushed in the face and has to think about something else to calm himself down.

“Ah! I haven’t seen you around,” you ask with your hands behind your back and eyes wandering like you’re examining him, “you’re new here, aren’t you?”

“Y-Yeah, you could say that,” he says. The room feels ten degrees hotter.

“What’s your name?”

“Yuuta.”

“Yuuta…” you repeat carefully, as if you’re tasting it on your lips, “Cute name for a cute guy. Is it ok if I call you Yuu-tan?” You look at him with this doe-eyed expression that makes his chest taut.

When you say it like that, with your eyes glimmering under the stage lights, how could he say no? Yuuta’s stumbling over his words, babbling like an idiot before he’s finally able to get out a meek, “sure.”

You seem to like that, your face lighting up with pure glee.

“Alright Yuu-tan, what kind of pose did you have in mind?”

He absolutely did not think this far ahead. He has to tell himself to calm down, breathe in, breathe out, before asking, “what kind of poses do you usually do?”

“Mmm… Hearts are pretty common I’d say.” You gently grab his hand and the softness of your skin triggers alarm bells in his head. He’s in danger. “But since it’s your first time, how about we do something special?”

You say it in a way that has him blushing harder – first times.

“S-special?” he repeats.

Carefully, you wrap your arms around his waist. Softer than when you first grabbed him. Like there’s a gentle affection weaved within your embrace.

Your face is pressed against his chest. It’s enough for his breathing to shorten, to be far too aware of the pressure you place on him.

With an innocent pout you look at him, softly reassuring him, “Just pretend I’m like your girlfriend or something.”

You’re close–too close. And this whole situation is just too much for him. There’s no escape from you–your smell, your warmth, the softness of your skin.

“Do you have a girlfriend, Yuu-tan?” you ask, leaning into him more.

Did he hear you right? Every time you talk it feels like you do so with the express purpose of stealing the air from his lungs. But still, there’s no way that’s what you asked him. Right?

“Huh?”

“I said,” you purr into his ear before repeating your question, “do you have a girlfriend, Yuu-tan?”

So, he did hear you right. Now he’s scrambling again for an answer, blood pumping so hard he can hear it steadily pulsing in his ears.

“N-No.”

“Then you can think of me as yours!” you exclaim, far too easily. It echoes like a clocktower’s bell at noon. If he listens close enough, he swears he can hear the notes of a wedding march.

The only anchor that can bring him back down to Earth is a tug on his shirt, a whisper of your touch against his chest. When his eyes meet yours, he’s starstruck. The glitter around your eyes only serves to make his heart beat faster, how it sparkles and makes you look even sweeter.

“Alright, look at the camera for me, okay?”

So he does. You get in position too, soft lips pressing against his flushed cheek. It happens too quickly for him to react, and with a countdown from three and a flash, the picture’s taken.

You’re quick to sign the polaroid, and Yuuta can barely get a look at what you’re writing before you finish.

“Hold it carefully, ok? The ink can smudge,” you instruct him, gently passing over the picture. “And don’t shake it! The whole shake it like a polaroid thing is a myth.”

He silently takes the picture in his hand, carefully taking it in. You’re able to fit a decent amount on the picture. In the top left corner, “To my beloved Yuu-tan,” and in the bottom right, “Thank you for coming!”

“I hope you’ll come back again,” you say sheepishly, a bit like a girl who just confessed to their crush on the school rooftop.

“O-Of course!” Yuuta’s practically forcing the words out of his words, doing his best not to choke.

“Pinky promise?” You lay out your pinky for him, waiting expectantly. Yuuta, on the other hand, is struggling to recollect himself.

“Mmhm.” He brings his pinky over to yours, and you wrap around each other’s fingers. Yuuta thinks it’s just that until you bring your hand back to kiss your thumb.

“Seal it with a kiss?” you ask with an innocent smile.

“Huh?”

You don’t repeat yourself, simply look at him in a way that makes his cheeks red. After a moment, Yuuta repeats the motion, nearly shaking as he brings both of your hands closer to his lips before kissing his thumb.

By the time he finds the courage to look you in the eyes, he’s sure there’s steam coming out of his ears. His gaze shifts down, but darts back up as soon as he hears you giggle.

“You promised! No take-backsies. I don’t like broken promises.” You pout before breaking back into that picture perfect smile of yours. “Thanks for coming by, Yuu-tan!”

– The post concert dress down is the same as usual. Struggling to get out of polyester costumes clinging to your skin from sweat, doing your best to fold your ruffled layered skirt into a manageable mass and failing the first couple of times. It’s a routine you’ve gotten used to.

What you’re not used to, is receiving a warning from one of your groupmates.

“Hey.” Your group leader stands over you as you attempt to continue packing your costume away. “You've gotta be a bit more careful.”

You look up at her with a raised brow, taking in her disappointed expression. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“You know exactly what I’m talking about,” she relents, her tone becoming more annoyed than disappointed.

So this is what you think it’s about. But it really isn’t any of her concern. You haven’t had any problems until now, so what’s the harm in continuing? If anything, she should be grateful. If you were to crunch the numbers, you’re sure you bring in a decent amount of fans by playing up the girlfriend experience schtick. And not just any type of fans – devoted ones. Those that return to night after night to spend a minute of their time with you. Those that would empty out their wallets at a snap of your fingers.

If you were to be honest with yourself, you like the power you hold. There’s a thrill that rushes to your head when your fans are stumbling over their words, stringing along a response for the sole purpose of pleasing you. But there’s no way you’d ever admit that to her. She just wouldn’t get it.

You let out a deep sigh. “It’s fine! This type of crowd is harmless. I’m just trying to do my job, you know.”

“You’re going to attract some crazies if you keep going down this path.”

“Yeah, yeah.” You shrug her off as you finally fit your costume into your luggage, swiftly zipping it close before it has the chance to recoil.

“Hey.” She grasps your shoulder to grab your attention. “Listen, I’m being serious,” she says, and there’s a genuine tinge of concern in her voice.

“Me too. I’m making us money. Good money. And if it means I have to bat my lashes and put on an act, then that’s what it is.”

She sighs, defeated. “Just don’t say I didn’t warn you.”

–

In the days after the concert, Yuuta falls into a rabbit hole. It’s just too easy – your group is pretty active on social media, trying and promoting just about anything that’ll stick. It starts simple enough with a livestream here and there. Just listening to you talk makes his heart all warm and fuzzy.

The longer he lurks and follows, the more he realizes just how many opportunities there are to take you in. You being an underground idol works in his favor. Desperation’s the name of the game, with you selling just about anything you can get your likeness on – signed polaroids, acrylic standees, can buttons, the list goes on.

Eventually, he’ll put in orders for those as well, but none of them replace the sensation of holding your hand in person, of your soft lips against his face.

At the end of the day, there’s no way you can’t see his devotion towards you. At this point he knows everything there is to know about you–through the selfies you post online, the memes you retweet, even the daily blog post where you write about your day.

There’s more than that as well. There’s an inherent intimacy he feels in the single shot chekis he orders as soon as the shop link drops on Twitter, in the comments he leaves on your livestreams, with the username you unknowingly gave him.

And in the short weeks he’s been following your account, he’s greeted with a rare chance encounter. A custom video, made by you, just for him. And though the price is probably hefty for what it is, he’s quick to seize the opportunity.

Sure, he’s burning a hole in his wallet. But how can he complain? When he can hear your sweet voice again, talking to him like he’s the only one in the room. It’s the closest thing he can get to seeing you for now. Things have just been so busy these days. He wonders how other sorcerers play the balancing act between dating and work.

But just a couple weeks later he gets an e-mail. He nearly jumps in his seat in his room when he sees the e-mail notification with the subject line “to my beloved yuu-tan~”.

His phone comes alive with you in frame, sitting in something different from your usual stage costume. Something cute, something that sends butterflies to his stomach and a blush to his cheeks. A comfy sweater that seems just a little bit too big for you, along with a matching skirt. The hem dangerously brushes against your upper thighs, and he has to make a considerable effort to draw his gaze back to your eyes.

The background is a simple white backdrop, and judging from the lighting situation, it’s probably something you filmed in your room. You’re filming this. In your room. Just for him. The thought is enough to make his heart race.

“Is this on?” Your finger taps on to the camera, face getting closer to the lens before moving back. Even when you’re clueless, you’re adorable. “Ah, it is.”

“Yuu-tan! Thanks for supporting me so much as you always have!~” Your voice is bright as always. The way your nickname for him dances on your tongue feels like a salve for even the most mortal of wounds.

“Your support is number one in my heart, you know. But Yuu-tan…”You drag out his name in a way that’s too much for him, and the way you pout up at the camera? This has to be attempted murder, he thinks. But he continues listening attentively. “It’s been a while since I’ve seen you. I miss you, I really do.” Your voice pulls on his heartstrings and makes him ridden with guilt. It genuinely pains him to hear you like this, his chest tightening at the sound. But then your voice lightens up, your expression brightens with the next words that slip past your lips, “you’ll come to the next show, won’t you?”

Yuuta finds himself nodding at his phone, as if you’ll be able to see his response if he’s enthusiastic enough. Yet, it’s as if you knew exactly how he’d reply.

“Alright, I’ll see you there then! This is a promise.” You lift your pinky up to the camera before pulling it back. “Oh wait, I don’t think I can do this through the camera, haha. Guess you’ll just have to finish it in person! Bye bye!” you sign off, and the video ends there, paused on your angelic smile.

Yuuta nearly breaks his phone replaying the video over and over again. It’s surprising the image of you hasn’t been burned onto his screen. But there’s one part in particular that’s his favorite.

It’s when you pout and disarmingly look up at the camera. Bat your eyelashes in just the right way to make him pitch a tent in his pants. That combined with the way you say his name, it’s no surprise the next thing he does is frantically search for the bottle of lube in one of his drawers.

What happens next, there’s no way you can fault him for it. All he can think about is how cute you are as he dispenses lube on to his right hand and unzips his pants with his left. Once his cock’s free, he groans as he palms himself, daydreaming about how you’d hold him. His other hand finds his phone, repeatedly going back to the same timestamp where you’re practically moaning for him.

He finds a rhythm, fast. Not just for jerking off, but looping your voice in a way that makes him light-headed. It just adds another layer to the image of you playing in his head. If he times it just right, he can pretend that slick wet sound of him fucking his hand is your sweet pussy instead. His pace gets faster, thinking about the other kinds of sounds he could wring from you.

You would moan so sweetly for him. He’d do everything in his power to make sure of it. He’s far from a selfish lover. He’d be sure to prep you beforehand, his hands tracing the curve of your body before delving into your underwear. Start a bit slow, teasing you into asking for more as he plays with your clit. He wonders what kind of expression you’d wear.

Maybe you’d be a bit shy. Maybe you’d be needy, desperate to ask him for more. Whatever’s the case it doesn’t matter, as long as he gets to hear your sweet voice.

Once he’s tested the waters he’d go faster, and he thinks about the heave of your chest, the short breaths you’d give him as you’re getting closer. Would you call him by his real name, or the nickname you’ve given him? He doesn’t really mind either way, but part of him hopes for the former. Regardless, the mental image of you cumming on his fingers along with your voice played on loop is enough to send him over the edge with a choked moan, hot ropes of his seed spilling from his slit. Yuuta’s body nearly gives out as he relaxes back into his chair, exhausted and out of breath.

“Alright, I’ll see you there then! This is a promise!” Your voice plays again through his phone as he finally comes down from his high.

So he steels himself. Tells himself that it doesn’t matter what the occasion is, he’ll make sure to go to the next live show, the one after, and the one after that. It’s a promise, after all.

—

The next time Yuuta goes to see you, he’s a bit more prepared. At least, that’s what he likes to tell himself.

In reality, he’s still just as nervous as the first time. While the video was nice, it just doesn’t hold a light to seeing you in person. Getting a waft of that sweet, floral perfume of yours as he approaches you, relishing at how the smell of the live venue just seems to disappear in your presence. Then there’s the ball that forms in his throat that he can’t swallow as he gets closer.

You light up as soon as you see him, star-bright.

“Yuu-tan!” you shuffle up to him with your arms outstretched for a hug, “I missed you!”

“I missed you too,” he says, and it feels like a weight’s been lifted off his chest. He brings you in closer, but feels a bit self conscious when he realizes just how tight you’re holding on to him. Tight enough that he can feel the curve of your tits pressed against him. Then he finds himself panicking and letting go.

“Did you have a good time at the show?” you ask, seemingly unphased by his internal plight.

”I did, I did,” he replies, nodding a bit too enthusiastically.

“I’m so happy you remembered our promise.”

”O-Of course.”

“What kind of pose did you want today?” Your expression softens as you put your hands behind your back and bend slightly, look up at him doe-eyed and curious.

After all he put into coming to the show, he’s stunned into silence. He had one in mind, but the idea simply melted as soon as he saw you. He can’t help it, it’s just what you do to him. He’s sure he’s making a fool out of himself again, and can feel it in the way his cheeks burn with embarrassment.

”Could you choose again?” he asks meekly.

“Hmm…” you muse, pouting dramatically and placing your chin in between your thumb and index finger. Yuuta waits with bated breath.

“Could you make a circle with your arms?” you say with a snap of your fingers.

”H-Huh? Sure.” He awkwardly follows your instructions, his fingertips meeting one another, miming the act of holding a large box against his chest.

You bend down and disappear from his vision, only to reappear between his arms.

“Boo!” you exclaim, palms faced outward with your fingers spread apart.

Yuuta’s startled. It isn’t that the act itself is scary, but the way you press against his chest and grin at him awakens a gnawing desire in his head. The lengths he would go to see you smile like this for him–just for him. By the time he’s shaking out the thoughts out his mind, he realizes you’ve been waiting for a response.

“Ah, you really scared me,” Yuuta jokes, feigning a scared expression to soothe his nerves.

“Hm? You think I’m scary, Yuu-tan?” you quip back, but then you’re pouting your lips, and the way the glitter glimmers under the stage lights makes it look like you’re going to cry.

It’s like you’ve pierced his heart, he swears he can feel it. Maybe with Cupid’s arrow. It seems like a side effect of this is becoming a blubbering mess every time he tries to speak.

“N-No, that’s not what I meant!”

“Don’t worry,” you giggle with a bright smile that soothes his heart, “I’m just messing with you.”

Gently, you adjust his position until his arms are wrapped tightly around your waist.

But when you press up against him, Yuuta thinks you’re approaching dangerous territory. Even with all the layers in your skirt, he swears he can make out the shape of your ass. It doesn’t help that you keep adjusting your position, brushing against his clothed cock multiple times over. All he can do is bite his tongue and hope that nothing comes to light.

“Yuu-tan, is this ok?” You look back at him with that innocent glimmer in your eyes.

”Y-Yeah, it’s perfect,” he replies, nearly biting his lip as he does so.

You give the cameraman the okay to take the picture, and with a countdown that feels longer than last time, the picture’s taken.

“You’ll come to the next show, right, Yuu-tan?”

“Of course.”

“Pinky promise?” You outstretch your pinky again, and this time, Yuuta’s swift on the uptake, wrapping his pinky around yours with more enthusiasm than last time. It’s such a simple gesture, but Yuuta is fond of promises and all they represent. Love intertwined in a simple hook of pinkies. The gentleness of your thumbs pressing against each other, the giggle that leaves your lips as you make a heart with your hands.

“Pinky promise,” he repeats with a gentle smile.

—

In the days that follow, Yuuta’s come to a realization.

Don’t get him wrong, seeing you perform is great and all, but his favorite moments with you are the intimate ones. The one on ones, the short and sweet conversations where he can tune out the rest of the world. And when he does the math, they’re too few and far between.

Simply put, he can’t wait for the next show. So, he forges his own opportunities. It’s just too easy to do when you post selfies of where you’re handing out flyers for the night. Part of him thinks your agency should be a little more conscious of internet safety, but then again he wouldn’t have been able to find out where you were if that were the case.

Thanks to your social media posts, it doesn’t take that long to find you. It’s busy in Shinjuku but it’s pretty easy to follow the endless trail of girls hanging out flyers. Even though you’re lined up with all the other idols, hostesses, and maids dressed to the nines to promote themselves, he could easily pick you out of the crowd. They just don’t hold a candle to you.

“Please come to our show!” you exclaim with a smile, waving the flyer and hoping the random man in front of you will take it. And for once, he does. So you look up. “Oh! Yuu-tan! What’re you doing here?”

Yuuta feels all warm and fuzzy at the mention of the pet name.

“Ah, I was just running some errands,” he says sheepishly.

“Really?” you ask back in a hushed whisper before breaking into a smile, “what a coincidence!”

Before you can comment any further, a man sneaks into your field of vision and interrupts the conversation, shyly waving his hand at you and asking for a flyer. Your eyes light up for a second before you turn to give him your attention.

“Please come to our show!” you casually hand over the flyer to the stranger with a smile.

Yuuta doesn’t like that.

For a split second, he thinks you should quit being an idol. But then the thought boomerangs back, sits and marinates as he considers it further.

Yeah. That might be a good idea.

“It was nice chatting with you Yuu-tan, but I really gotta get back to work.” You pout at him. It hits him differently this time. He almost mistakes it for guilt, but it’s not quite that. It’s not as surface level, gets deep under his skin like poison and spreads unease throughout his body.

“I’ll see you at the next show, Yuu-tan!” you send him off with a wave and a smile, one he thinks is too soon.

Yuuta waits for you to brand your pinky for him, but it never comes.

Disappointment. It’s disappointment.

He’s been a fool. You’re distracted by all these so-called fans that you can’t see what’s right in front of you. Worse of all, your agency is putting you up to it. He really thinks it’s time for you to quit.

So Yuuta waits.

For an idol, you lack a crucial sense of self-awareness. You don’t even notice when Yuuta follows behind you once you finish your shift. Even as the bustle of the city crowd quiets down as you make your way to your agency building on a random side street, you don’t notice he’s trailing behind. Imagine how much danger you’d be in if some crazy fan were to follow you. You’re lucky to have Yuuta there for you, he just needs to make you see it too.

He almost loses you when you leave the agency building in much more normal and muted. He nearly has to stop himself from drooling at the sight of it. He can see it so clearly, the image of you wearing it on a date with him. Maybe it’d be at a cafe, somewhere he can see you laugh and smile with him as he feeds you an intricate, overpriced slice of cake. But before he gets too lost in his imagination, Yuuta shakes it off and resolves himself to continue following you.

The longer he follows you, the more Yuuta starts to feel invisible. You don’t notice him when he’s right behind you at the turnstill. When he follows you through all the twists and turns of the station, hell, even when he’s three spots behind you in line for the train. The lack of self-preservation is stunning, he thinks. More than that, how could you not notice your number one fan, your boyfriend, putting in all this effort to make sure nobody hurt you? But it doesn’t matter–soon enough you won’t have to worry about that.

You step off the train after a few stops, and Yuuta’s always behind you, not that you’re aware. The rush of people leaving the train is enough to help him blend in, but once you leave the station he adds some slack to the distance.

Another fifteen minutes of walking and he’s there, watching from a distance as you unlock your apartment and go inside.

Yuuta waits a minute before approaching the unit you just walked into. The lock to your apartment isn’t anything he can’t break through, and with a pointed blast of cursed energy, the lock breaks with a quiet snap. He makes a note to himself to tell you to get a better place.

Then again, it’d be best if you just lived with him anyways. He’d take care of anything, everything, as long as it’s for you.

The door creaks just a little as he opens it slowly, careful not to disturb you.

The apartment is cramped, narrow halls made even smaller by the coats you have hanging on wall hooks, but just down the corridor he can see your living room. Calmly, he takes off his shoes and places them down neatly next to yours before quietly walking over. You aren’t there.

He backtracks to where the hallway splits, approaching the bedroom door. It’s slightly ajar, tantalizing like a bow on top of a present. It’s as if you were expecting him.

When he pushes the door open with a slight tap, Yuuta’s greeted by a half naked figure. You were probably in the middle of undressing. He takes a moment to mentally thank whatever higher up there gave him the blessing of perfect timing.

“Get out of my apartment!” you yell, throwing whatever you can at him, but it doesn’t seem to do any damage. He walks casually towards you, even as you tremble. He doesn’t understand why you’re shaking, but he knows he can fix it. You have nothing to worry about, everything will be better now that he’s here.

His expression softens as soon as you look him in the eyes.

“Hey, hey, it’s just me,” Yuuta coos.

“Y-Yuu-tan?” you ask, voice out of breath from thrashing around, “what are you doing here?” your voice drops in a way that he hasn’t heard before. It’s intimate, he thinks.

“I’ve been worried about you,” he says, a tenderness wrapped in his words.

“Worried?” you ask in the softest tone he’s ever heard. It endears him.

“Yeah. You didn’t pinky promise me today.”

“Huh?”

“I just wanted to make sure you were okay. You usually pinky promise me before you say bye. But you were so distracted today.”

There’s a brief pause, but it feels like it lasts a lifetime. Yuuta studies your expression, one he doesn’t recognize. When your eyes meet his, he takes it as a sign to explain himself further.

“And it’s not just that. During your lives, I see you looking at other guys and it really hurts me,” his voice softens, his chest tightening at the confession. He notices the tears falling down your face, and scrambles to make it better. “But you don’t need to do any of this anymore. You have me,” he says with a hand against his heart.

It doesn’t seem to help as your barely contained cries become louder.

“Yuu-tan, you’re scaring me,” you confess.

He tilts his head.

“I don’t think I’ve said anything scary?”

Another pause. He waits for an answer but isn’t given one he wants as you run for the door. It’s a losing game to run from him, his body quick to shield you from the door, his hand tightly wrapping around your wrist.

“Why are you running?” he asks, genuine hurt in his voice.

“Because you’re scaring me, Yuu-tan,” you reply, voice trembling.

“I’m not trying to be scary, I just want to be a good boyfriend for you,” he whispers softly against your ear, and to prove his point, his hand grazes your thigh, traveling further until his fingers hook around the waistband of your underwear. “Make you feel good like you’ve done for me,” he says breathlessly.

“N-No, I don’t want this, please,” you beg.

Your words are rearranged by the time they hit his ears. For all intents and purposes, all he hears is “I want this, please” and that’s all he needs to kiss you. It’s soft for a moment, but then it’s as if something snapped inside him.

There’s no patience behind it; he’s waited so long after all. He kisses like his time with you is sand trickling down an hourglass and he’s on his last grains. All groans and grasping at your cheeks to keep you with him, hot and heavy.

“Y-Yuu-tan, please,” you plead shakily.

There’s something at the end of your words he doesn’t catch, but he’s all too willing to give you what you want, especially when you’re asking so nicely.

Your breathing quickens as his hand presses down on your legs so you can’t escape. Yuuta’s hand gingerly traces up your thigh until he gets to your underwear. The soft breath you let out when he brushes over your clit sends blood rushing straight down to his cock.

His tongue brushes against the cotton fabric of your underwear, a cute moan leaving your lips, just for him. It’s what he’s been craving to hear, the subject of all his sweetest dreams and basest fantasies, and it’s better than he could have ever imagined. Now that he has it, he needs more.

There’s no warning, no tact to his movements, he can’t hold himself back any longer. There's only pure, unadulterated desperation with every stroke of his tongue against your underwear until he finally pulls the fabric to the side.

When your hand grasps his hair, he’s taken by surprise but he doesn’t dislike it. He indulges you and even lets out a throaty moan when you tighten your grip. He didn’t take you for the rowdy type, but you’re full of surprises, aren’t you?

It enables him further to dive into you and lap around your clit to hear those short gasps that sound like music to his ears. His arms wrap around your thighs to bring you in further, his nose pressing into you as he starts to build a steady tempo.

It seems to be too much for you with the way your body keeps shifting, but Yuuta is nothing if not determined. Maybe you’re testing the depths of his dedication, but there’s no universe where he’d ever fail you. No matter how much you move, he’s stuck to you like a leech, sucking at your clit with fervor. There’s intention with every motion, in the way he huffs and inhales deeply through his nostrils, in the messy way he sucks and slurps at your slick.

Even though he’s working so hard to please you, something’s not quite right. You’re so… quiet. It makes Yuuta think you’re holding yourself back. There’s no need for that, especially between lovers. Soulmates, even.

“Let me hear how good you feel,” he pants between breaths, “it’s okay.”

His movements become more pointed, determination lighting a fire in his stomach just to hear how sweet you get when you cum. The anticipation is killing him, but he thinks there’s been a breakthrough when your thighs tighten around his head, your breaths getting shorter by the second.

When you finally cum, it’s nothing short of heavenly. Sweeter than any note he’s heard you sing on stage, better than what he’s heard in his dreams. It’s not just that, but the full body reaction as well. The trembling, the taut muscles, the rise and fall of your chest– it’s all so erotic.

So your love language is words of affirmation. He makes note of that.

The only complaint Yuuta has is that the moment was far too short lived for his tastes. He has to hear more. See more. Have more. His fingers press gently against your wet hole, one small push from penetrating.

“W-Wait, it’s sensitive–”

Yuuta cuts you off by slipping it in with ease, quickly followed by another. Hungrily looks at the point where he’s connected to you. He starts slowly, fingers carefully pressing and curling until he finds a spot that gives him the reaction he’s looking for.

“Too-too much, stop-”

He doesn’t. Why would he ever deprive you of pleasure? He presses in further, bullies the spot that makes you scream louder. It’s not long until he sends you tumbling into another climax. It’s far more drawn out than the first. He can feel it in the way your walls convulse around his fingers.

Even though it might be too much, Yuuta still fingers you through it. He can’t help it. You just look so cute like this, reduced to a sputtering mess. And knowing that he’s the only one who has the privilege of seeing this side of you? He’s on cloud nine.

He knows he’s being a bit mean right now. But there’s so much lost time to make up for. He might also be letting his jealousy of seeing you with another man get the better of him right now, but it’s ok. At the end of the day, he’s making you feel good.

Yuuta watches with wonder and amusement as you cum again. He almost feels bad for pushing you this far, seeing the way you squeeze your eyes shut and thrash around through your orgasm. While he’s not a fan of your pain, he loves being your source of comfort, the one to clean up your tears. It’s a necessary evil, he tells himself.

Yuuta plants a trail of kisses down your neck to help shoulder the burden, and it seems to help as you come down from your high.

“You’re doing so good for me,” he sighs, adoration laced in his voice as he kisses your forehead.

“Y-Yuu-tan,” you pant, “you’ve already made me feel so good. D-Don’t you think that’s enough?”

“Of course not,” he responds with a soft gasp as if he’s incredulous at the idea, “I have so much more I want to give you.”

“More?” you ask shakily.

“Mhm,” he purrs with a soft smile, unphased by the tremor in your voice. His fingers slide in and out of you with ease, drawing another soft lewd sound out of you.

“No, no, no, I can’t, I can’t-” you plead, before you’re cut off by a kiss. Yuuta notices you have this habit of denying yourself anything good for you, but you don’t need to do that. What are boyfriends for? He doesn’t stop, even when you scratch and leave blossoming trails of rose on his skin. It only makes him intensify his movements, picking a fast rhythmic pace to hit that spot that makes you moan so sweetly.

When you cum with a wail, Yuuta’s there to swallow every cry you give him, tongue swirling against yours to help you through it. There’s a tenderness to it, as if he’s telling you it’ll all be okay. In between labored breaths he huffs in your ear with a neediness in his tone, “let it all out for me.”

He didn’t mean it literally, but he’s not displeased with the results either. That being said, it does catch him by surprise when you clench and gush all over him and the sheets. The warmth of you soaking his pants makes him feel dizzy with lust. Next thing he knows he’s nose deep into your folds, lapping up at everything you have to give. Not a drop goes to waste, not when he lifts your legs and traces the trail of juices from the fat of your ass to your inner thigh.

It’s just too much for him. When he comes up for air, he’s hastily picking at his pants.

“Have you done this for anyone else?” he asks as he unbuckles his belt and slides down his pants.

You shake your head furiously in embarrassment. It’s cute. Part of him wishes he could record a video of it and save it for later. But there’s more pressing matters at hand.

Yuuta’s hard cock presses against the fabric of his boxers, begging to be freed. His hand barely breaks through the elastic when it springs free, slapping his stomach from the recoil. Seeing your hole slick with arousal for him is almost enough to make him cum right there. He takes a deep breath and tries to collect himself.

Yuuta strokes his cock before pressing it between your folds, collecting all your arousal along the way. Even this is enough to make him shiver, feel it deep in his core. He bites his lip and lines himself up with your entrance. The sight of your hole quivering as he taps his tip against it makes him lightheaded.

So he starts slow, presses against your cunt steadily until he gets past that first ring of muscle that makes you gasp. From there, it’s just a matter of patience and self control, pushing further and further until he finally bottoms out with a groan. It goes in so easily, it’s like you were made for this–for him. Yuuta feels like he’s floating.

While Yuuta’s never been one to think about his size, he still sees you squeezing your eyes shut. His hand caresses your cheek before he reaches for your hand, interlocking his fingers with yours. He brings your hand up to his lips and gives your fingers a chaste kiss, from one lover trying to comfort another.

“Hey, it’s in. It wasn’t that bad, right?” he asks softly, like he’s letting you in on a secret.

You give him a shy nod, and he smiles at that.

“You’re doing so good for me,” he praises, gently wiping the tears from your eyes. Even in the afterglow of your tears, you look beautiful. Then again, he’d find beauty in anything you give him. It doesn’t matter what kind of expression you wear, as long as it’s just for him.

“I’ll start slow, ok?” Yuuta brandishes his pinky.

There’s a moment of pause, a shake to your hand as you wrap your pinky around his. He’s already one step ahead of you and swiftly seals it with a kiss and a giggle.

Yuuta keeps his promise, as he languidly rolls his hips into yours. It takes every ounce of self control to keep a slower pace, but he has to savor his first time with you. You feel perfect around him–your warmth enveloping him like a blanket, almost suffocating with its embrace. It’s too much for him, he can’t keep biting his lip and holding back his moans. Then again, he’d be a hypocrite holding himself back, wouldn’t he?

So he lets whatever sounds caught in his throat escape through his lips, lets you hear just how much you’re messing him up. All broken groans and whimpers of your name. And maybe it’s a bit too much for you, seeing you grab the pillow to cover your face. But Yuuta isn’t embarrassed, and you shouldn’t be either, so he’s quick to toss the pillow off the side of the bed.

“Y-Yuu-tan, please,” you ask.

It sounds like there’s something else you were going to say, but the noise thins out into a hushed whine. But Yuuta can read between the lines. His hands spread your legs apart further for leverage, his lips pressing against yours until he builds it up to a slew of open mouthed kisses. Tongue against tongue, choked gasps and moans escaping into each other’s mouths. He kisses you like he wants to consume you, breathes in so intensely like you’re the air he needs in his lungs.

It’s everything he’s ever wanted. He can’t help himself from rutting his hips into yours a little harder, losing himself in the soft plush of your walls squeezing him tighter with every passing moment. Even the wet sounds of his cock fucking into you is melodic to him, along with your staccatoed gasps, it’s an earworm he wouldn’t mind keeping.

He can’t let himself all the fun though, his fingers making their way to your throbbing clit. It seems to catch you by surprise, earning a yelp from you that soon melts into a moan.

“Yuuta-”

The world stops moving. It’s as if he’s frozen in place as soon as he hears his name from your lips. No nickname, no extra letter. Just Yuuta. It’s enough to make his head spin, his nerves go haywire as he snaps his hips into yours faster, desperate to hear it again.

“Say it again,” he groans breathlessly, desperately trying to keep himself from cumming right then and there.

“Yuuta, Yuuta-” you whine in that tone he’s dreamt of, stroked himself to on lonely nights and he’s so close. All self control goes out the window as he practically fucks you into the mattress. He feels delirious feverish with an ailment that can only be cured through you. He can’t let you go; not now, not ever.

An idea hits him like a strike of lightning, reverberates throughout his entire being. His pace slows for a second. There’s a look of confusion on your face.

“If we have a baby, you’ll have to quit, right?” he asks, his finger gently tracing a heart around your stomach.

Your pupils dilate. Yuuta recalls that it’s a sign of love. Affection. His heart skips a beat.

“Y-Yuu-tan,” you mumble, a tremor in your voice, “what are you saying?”

“You’ll have to stay if we have a baby,” he whispers into your ear before his hips snap into yours, “right?”

You make some unintelligible noise in response, but he knows it’s just because you’re overwhelmed with joy at the idea. Knowing you’re happy makes him happy too.

There’s no time to waste, an urgency to Yuuta’s movements as he pushes against your legs until you’re folded into a mating press. His hips pick up a steady rhythm, the loud slap of skin echoing throughout the room.

Yuuta fucks you like he means to make good his proposal–his body pressed flush against yours, his hands wrapping around the back of your head to bring you into his embrace. He throws caution to the wind, lets lust take over.

Everything about you is overwhelming. How you scratch at his back, how you bite down on his neck hard enough to draw blood, how your legs tremble with each stroke. It’s like you want it just as bad as he does.

And who is he to deny you? His hand slips between your sweat covered bodies, trails down to your throbbing clit to show it some love. He wants you to feel as good as he does, or better. Preferably the latter.

He knows he’s doing a good job when he hears that tell-tale sign of your breaths quickening, along with your heart beating faster against his chest.

But something’s off.

You won’t stop throwing your body around, as if you’re trying to loosen his grip around you.

If this is your way of testing his love, then he’s passing with flying colors. It only lights a fire in him, determination ablaze in his fingertips as he draws tighter circles around your clit, the roll of his hips morphing to something slower, but deeper. It’s only a matter of seconds before your body gives in to his love and affection, cries sputtering from your mouth as your muscles tense up around him.

Yuuta can’t control himself any longer with your pussy convulsing around him, his pace becoming erratic, his breathing heavier. His voice breaks, a shaky whine catches in his throat before he goes over the edge.

“Love you, love you so much,” he cries before cumming, burying himself deep inside and making sure to give you everything he has. Every twitch of his cock leads to the undeniable warmth of his seed painting your insides white.

He takes a moment to collect himself and catch his breath, but he doesn’t take himself out of you. It’s like the intensity catches up with him all at once as he collapses onto you. Even in his state of exhaustion, he finds the energy to gingerly kiss your forehead.

“We’ll be so happy together, I promise.”

[punkpandapatrixk]

❣️How Abnormal Are You in Love? ♦︎ Timeless Pick A Card

Don’t be too hard on yourself with this PAC. Everybody in this world’s pretty much abnormal anyway. We all want something that’s extremely rare in this world: Love. Sometimes, we go crazy after mistaking shit for Love. But we all heal. Eventually, we all learn to love more healthily and sanely. And really, that’s all that matters. The crazy is also part of the character development~♥︎

☆♪°・.

‘Hey, actually, when was it that I began to realise that there’s no such thing as forever? Even so, I’m prouder than anybody else about the fact that the days we spent together were at least not a lie.

Even though it’s true that the length of time we have lived is only slightly different, just the fact that we met, that we loved, though we may never love each other again… I won’t forget.

Hey, why do I still want you by my side, thinking that I won’t do without you, even though this is hurting me so much? Even so, I became a person who could be grateful for the smallest things in life. It’s because, even the most casual of words were so meaningful between us.

Because we met, because we loved, though we may never love each other again…I’ll be fine with turning all of it into proof that I’ll survive, whilst facing all of truth and reality.

I’m just glad that we met. I’m just glad that we loved. Though we may never see each other again… I won’t forget.’

☆♪°・.

Those are words from Ayumi Hamasaki’s legendary song, LOVE ~Destiny~. At some point in Life, Ayumi said in an interview, ‘I loved one man so much that I destroyed myself.’ I can’t help but think this song could be about…it? Maybe hahah Just a vibe, gals~♡

SONG: LOVE ~Destiny~ by Hamasaki Ayumi

MOVIE: Snakes and Earrings (2008)

[PAC Masterlist] [Part 1] [Part 3]

[Patreon] [Paid Readings]

☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・.

Pile 1 – What I Can’t Let Go Of, Really, Is My Pride…

VIBE: kiss by Chara

what is, Love? – 4 of Swords

Well, it seems quite obvious your past was somewhat chaotic. I think throughout childhood you felt like you were crossing a battlefield or had to fight the stormy seas all by yourself. Because of this, you deeply crave a Love that can put an end to all of those noises. In fact, it’s only fitting. Deep down you’ve always known that Love is something that’s pure, sweet and gentle; that it’s supposed to put you at ease. You understand that the world is in chaos because nobody has Love in their hearts.

You, never wanted to be like those grownups who were fighting with their own spouses. Even if you’re young, you feel like an Old Soul—the only one who seems to truly understand what Love is and is not. And you see that 99% of people literally don’t know what Love is, let alone how to love right. And you’re afraid. What if you can’t find that one person who can love you right?

Deep in your subconscious, you have these standards and ideals you desperately want to maintain. But nobody you’ve ever met seems to understand where you’re coming from. What you want is something so pure. People are rarely pure of heart, so nobody gets it. And it feels incredibly lonely. And at some point, you might’ve begun to doubt if your standards are even fair…

why do you chase, Love? – King of Wands Rx

So you grew up a bit and began to wonder what might happen if you lower your standards…a bit? You want to experience passion, right? You’re seeing all these peers around you kissing and holding each other and you crave that, too. You know very well it’s not like they’re in love—they’re just silly, infatuated, hormonal fuckers; but you wonder how it would feel to be intimate with someone. To actually have someone want you like that. To be wanted. To be held. To be kissed. To be…loved. No matter how shallowly.

Now you’re willing to look for someone passionate. You could try with a puzzling character. You like that kinda shit. Any kind of an intriguing fucker with some semblance of a mystery; making you curious to dive deep into their side of crazy. How do I figure out your particular brand of bullshit? Anybody you can’t immediately figure out would excite you to a point of insanity. And you thought this was happiness. You thought, this level of excitement surely must be happiness. Perhaps…even Love? Otherwise…

How do you explain this feeling that suddenly strikes, rattling your heartstrings, making you realise that there’s somebody in this world you’d want to care for other than yourself? Just the idea that you even fantasise about growing older with this mysterious fucker… How is this not, Love? And if this isn’t Love…what is? How else are people supposed to know happiness if this excitement alone isn’t enough?

what happens when Love, dies? – 8 of Cups Rx

To begin with, you’re not one to trust easily. It takes a lot for you to allow someone to see your vulnerable side. And when you go in, you go all in. It may not feel like it immediately because you’re cautious, but once you’re in…because you feel sure of someone…you’re in deep. Too deep it feels like you’re drowning in this whole situation, if anything. And you’re proud of how much you’re able to give.

And…you’re generally proud of your boundaries and the standards and ideals you’ve imposed upon yourself and others. So, the fact that you’ve given so much, revealed so much to someone who wouldn’t be there for life, is beyond frustrating. It’s world-shattering, at least. What have I been in this situationship/relationship for if it ain’t gonna last?!?! I can’t just let it die like that! Maybe I’m doing something wrong?! I must’ve! Lest none of this would’ve happened…

When Love dies, it feels so shameful. It’s a shame you trusted the wrong fucker. It’s a shame someone was able to see you that vulnerable. It’s disgusting that you thought this was The One. What was I thinking? Now everything becomes clear. It’s not the loss of that person’s Love you’re crying about. If you’re being honest now, you couldn’t care less that such a loser’s gone from your world. If anything, it’s such a relief. It was just the shock from knowing you made a mistake that made you cry… It’s OK now.

MY HEART, MY PRIDE🔻💜

sacrifices I’d made – Green Magus (John Magus)

I’m glad I was able to love – Priestess of Ambition

Access full reading + cards on Patreon🌸

☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・.

Pile 2 – I Can’t Tell If I’m Passionate or Just Immature

VIBE: Boys & Girls by Hamasaki Ayumi

what is, Love? – Ace of Pentacles Rx

To begin with, you’re not exactly a rational person. Not saying you’re dumb! You just have a lot of passion for something that’s unexpected or foreign. You like mysteries and you aren’t afraid to dip your toe in uncharted waters. This desire could’ve developed from having a childhood that felt constricted tho. I think you grew up surrounded by so many rules and laws and forbidden things and that’s how you developed a taste for, DANGER~

It’s exciting, from time to time, to think about throwing all your caution to the wind and breaking all rules. You want to disappoint. If you’re being honest, you’re damn tired of following everybody’s whims and concerning yourself with their expectations. What about what I want?? You want to live. You want to feel alive. There are so many exciting things outside of your everyday Life, why can’t you have any of that? At some point, you could’ve dreamt of being rescued from your Tower by a handsome daredevil of any kind of a fucker.

If that fucker happens to be handsome and rich, even better. But that doesn’t really matter. You just want someone brave enough to approach you and actually uproot you from your boring Life. Surely, Love can do that to a person…? I don’t need stability, let alone predictability; what I want is a romantic hero who’ll take me on a grand adventure of Love! And if that daredevil happens to be dumb…

why do you chase, Love? – 9 of Swords

In many ways, you’re totally not an innocent person. You want to hurt. If whoever daredevil tries to fulfil your fantasies of being rescued from your miserable Tower happens to be dumb, you’re gonna be having a field trip! XD You want to terrorise and traumatise a person, really. It’s vengeance for all the years that you were serving others. Now, it’s your time to be served. It doesn’t even matter if they don’t worship you. You’re ready to find another dumbfuck to toy with. You’re hardly ever sincere anyway~

Why bother with sincerity? Ever since you were a kid, you’ve observed that none of the adults you knew was ever sincere. What even is Love? I think you know of it conceptually. But what exactly is its purpose? What exactly is so good about it? And how? How exactly must one be in order to attain it? You don’t believe in it some days. You deeply crave it some days. You could die for it some days. You want others to die for your Love most days.

Life is confusing. Love is confusing. Sex is easy. Money is easy. Food and jewelleries are easy. Let’s live easily. Life is exhausting if you think too much about everything that could go wrong. I’m done feeling terrible about my own existence, so I want someone to spin me around and make me forget. That’s ideal. Is generally your motto when chasing… Love♡

what happens when Love, dies? – 8 of Wands Rx

You don’t care about it. You don’t particularly care about losing people. It’s expected. If anything, because you’re never serious with quite anybody anyway, ghosting is the best way to go about it. You’re the type to ghost, block, and you don’t even mind if you’re the one ghosted or blocked. Basically, you just don’t want any contact with someone you’ve lost interest in anyway. So that only makes it easier for you.

In many ways, I think you sometimes regret being this kind of a callous person. There are days you wonder if you’ll become someone more sincere. You’ve wondered what it would take to actually love someone. To actually be loved back. Surely that must be so nice. You want to be happy, honestly. But it feels like a distant daydream. You don’t particularly understand how two people can be happy living together. After all, you find people exhausting most of the time.

All you know is that you’ve lived with yourself for the longest time. And if you have to compromise or sacrifice anything…you’re not willing. You’ve sacrificed shit before, a looong time ago, and you got nothing back in return. You gave someone a rose and they gave you back thorns and strangled you with it. Surely that can’t be happiness. Two people who don’t know how to love can’t be happy together. Life is better lived alone.

MY HEART, MY PRIDE🔻❤️

sacrifices I’d made – Red Alchemist (John Dee)

I’m glad I was able to love – Priestess of Innocence

Access full reading + cards on Patreon🌸

☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・.

Pile 3 – Damn, Why’s Everybody Crying for Love?

VIBE: Sunglasses by Utada Hikaru

what is, Love? – 2 of Cups Rx

Uhm…you’re a comical Pile for sure. Your psychology is so complex, although it’s also super straightforward (to you), but some people are not gonna have an easy time figuring out if you’re sincere or not. Most of us have got a lot of exposure to tragical romance, right? A lot of people get deep and insane in Love. And here you are wondering why everybody’s crying for Love. Why is everybody suffering in the name of Love? That’s not Love. People are silly for falling continuously for the wrong people. It’s all a Game for them. Me? I don’t play games.

But you do! Everybody does when it comes to falling in Love, to various extents. That’s what’s really fun about falling in Love. If you could face yourself, you’d realise you have a bit of a God-complex within this context. In the sense that…because Love and romance actually aren’t such a big deal to you, and somehow, you have an almost all-too-natural inclination to attract the right people, you can’t really empathise with those who cry in the name of Love.

For some though, if the above doesn’t really resonate, you’re the type that has an innate understanding that you must protect yourself from falling into those tragical romantic setups. You have a highly developed sense of boundary and you keep high standards for what kind of a romantic relationship you want. You’re kinda similar to Pile 1 in this case, but you most likely haven’t experienced sacrificing your standards for, EXPERIENCE~

why do you chase, Love? – 10 of Wands

In comparison to certain types of people in the world, you’re not exactly a dreamy type. When it comes to relationships you think straight towards building a matrimony with someone. You’re a traditionalist in a sense. You’re the based kid who knows that a girlfriend-boyfriend relationship is a training ground for a marriage. You think long-term. You’re realistic like that. But the problem is…you’re totally missing out on the passion of Love itself.

You don’t really see your partner(s) for the person—the Human—that they are. You care only for the practical, pragmatic facts surrounding their reputation or status or whether or not their physical appearance is decent enough. Stuff like that. And the dreamy ones who look at you, look at you with a pang of sadness in their chest, for although you seem responsible and blessed…you appear to them as someone who looks at another with an eye of business.

You’re the type that thinks love is an investment. An investment of attention, affection, time and money, and all that shit. That’s not Love; that’s something to be exchanged at the market. The dating market, OMG~

‘Freedom and love go together. Love is not a reaction. If I love you because you love me, that is mere trade, a thing to be bought in the market; it is not love. To love is not to ask anything in return, not even to feel that you are giving something—and it is only such love that can know freedom.’ – Jiddu Krishnamurti

what happens when Love, dies? – 6 of Pentacles

When Love dies, you celebrate. You’re wise enough to know that Life doesn’t end just because you broke up with somebody, even in terms of friendship. You’re spiritually mature enough to know you’ve learnt from the experience, and now, you’re just going to prepare for the next big thing to experience. Life goes on without a hitch like that for you, for the most part. I can’t tell if you’re really that spiritually mature or you just don’t give a fuck about emotions LMAO

Not saying you’re a bad person, btw. It just seems like you haven’t got a lot of crazy in your birth chart or that you haven’t experienced a lot of sorrows and soul-shattering heartbreaks, so…it’s kinda just a matter of not having, PERSPECTIVE? Coupled with the fact that you take Life very unseriously seriously…? Like, you’re serious about not being an asshole and wanting to do the socially right thing, but in doing so, you become an annoying insincere jackass in the lives of those who have (or will) dated you XDD

Basically, you’re not the type to get super crazy heartbroken when a relationship ends. You’ve got all of these other blessings anyway. Why would you focus on just the negative, right? In a sense, I believe that’s an incredible spiritual maturity which others are still struggling to figure out XD But yeah…rather than this being something abnormal about you, I think it’s just that your Higher Self designed for you not to experience the dramatic highs and lows of immature romance HAHAH

MY HEART, MY PRIDE🔻🧡

sacrifices I’d made – Gold Alchemist (Roger Bacon)

I’m glad I was able to love – Priestess of Luck

Access full reading + cards on Patreon🌸

☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・.

[PAC Masterlist] [Part 1] [Part 3]

[Patreon] [Paid Readings]

[6okuto]

(Subtle) Care for a Depressive Episode

GN!reader x Ais, Vere, Mhin | cw: depression symptoms e.g. isolation, anhedonia, irritation, sleeping problems/insomnia (not too deeply! mostly a mention before saying what the chara would do). food and checking if you're eating (<- vere's)

for the anon who requested on wifeiy!! made sure to talk about your ideas of course 🦔

AIS

If you notice Princess and other Soulless approaching you more, being more affectionate and playful, I'm not saying that was (all) Ais, but I'm also not denying that they might be cooking. His pet spoiling is put on hold for spoiling You! :') Buying things you've needed or wanted recently, doing that "bought extra of your favourite do you want some" trick, etc.

If you enjoy physical affection, he puts in an effort to give you more. Maybe it's a kiss to your head while he walks past, hugging you from behind while you're distracted, a hand rubbing your thigh while you sit down together. It's subtle things he can brush off as his general casual affection. Neither of you really have to bring it up, both of you knowing what he's doing

^ He teases you less when you initiate (depending on your... vibe... it'll be a light comment). Just lets you wrap his arms around you and approaches whenever you ask. Sometimes you hug him silently, and he doesn't try to ask what's wrong. Just holds you and lets you let go first

Not good at small talk?... Ais is a small talk lover suddenly. Little check-ins to see how your day is going. He has never loved talking more about what he did today so you're still in the loop. <- Guy who noted things he could/would bring up to you later

If you're in an isolation stay-at-home state, at some point, you might realize Ais hasn't been going out to bars as much, instead staying with you or picking quieter spots. He chooses his words carefully so you don't think you're 'keeping him from having fun' or something—maybe he says the crowd's been more annoying than usual, or he needs a break from the smell of cheap drinks and piss, or that he likes spending time with you more. Y'know how it goes.

If you're dealing with anhedonia, not enjoying the things you usually do or feeling pleasure really at all, it's. Shit. Like Fuck my stupid baka life. Ais checks on you and sees how well you're sleeping, asks you to join him on a walk, maybe asks you to talk to him about your hobbies and teach him something. Just seeing if it'll get you up and moving

Always love the thought of him teaching you phrases!! Maybe you're in a bad mood and curse first, and he responds in a different language. You look at him like ...? and he smiles and says it again. Gonna use Korean because I'm familiar HABFHB but he'd be like, "씨발. Fuck," and ask if "You wanna learn some, sparrow?"

^ He'll teach you anything from "bastard" to "your shirt looks like shit and so does your face" if it distracts you for a while. Though I think it would also be cute if he complimented you and taught you sweet things too! Only for usage between you two, of course. (Jokingly complains he can't secretly call you attractive anymore without you understanding. Grins when you laugh.)

VERE

Leniency... He already has more for you than most others, but even the things he jokingly gives you shit for are now okay. Not just that but he like, makes the first step? Gives you the opportunity? If you know he doesn't like his tail being touched and wouldn't try first, he'll rest it against your thigh and won't move (other than a reflexive flick) when you touch it.

^ With the leniency, if you're easily annoyed or angered, he doesn't necessarily let your remarks slide (take a breath or reword what you just said), but he doesn't hold it against you, either.

He mentions different events and performances that are supposed to happen and gauging your reaction. You might be happily surprised when they coincidentally happen to be (related to) things you enjoy, even and especially if Vere doesn't particularly like them himself. If you don't want to go, that's fine, he didn't want to go much either. You can spend the evening together instead

Vere is generally more... blunt or pushy than the others... when it comes to getting you to do things. His subtlety manifests in how he won't explicitly say "Hey this is good for you and your depression" rather than actually Subtly Suggesting or Doing Things. If that makes Any sense. He's putting a meal on your desk and checking to see if you've eaten it—he's brought his own so you can enjoy a meal together.

...Nicer. Still Vere, but maybe he drops genuine compliments more often. You say something self-deprecating or try to deflect and he doesn't let it slide. (already does this but he's a little more firm about it if it happens a lot)

I love the idea of him doing art with you! Even just drawing in the same room because he never lets anyone see the finished product let alone his process, so when he sits down and doesn't mind you watching him, it means a lot I think. If he happens to draw a place or object that you really like, well, it's just practice y'know. He lets you keep it too

If you want to partake, he's.. maybe surprisingly? chill and good about it? If art isn't one of your interests, he gives you tips and likes whatever you draw, even if you don't. Maybe you do something simple together! Or something purposefully ass! You draw him and his ear twitches and his tail swishes a little.

If he knows you're already into art, he teases and say he has expectations considering he's lending some of his best supplies, but y'know. He seems satisfied no matter what you end up doing because at least he's gotten you focused on something

When Vere 'gets sleepy', he finds you to fall asleep next to. When he really wants to nap or sleep, he pulls you into bed and wraps an arm around your waist, tail curling around you both. Sometimes this is a lie and he just wants to stick near you and give you an opportunity to be affectionate if you'd like! Silly guy

You brushing his tail... Vere offering to brush or wash yours... very gentle and careful and thorough(?)... yeah...

MHIN

Of course they'll take you around to see the cats. In case you aren't well-acquainted with the little angels already, for every cat you point at, Mhin will teach you their name and describe how they met or share a fun fact (e.g. He has no survival sense and will show you his stomach immediately, She likes to climb your pants, Those two always sleep in that corner together, etc.)

And if you laugh at them when a cat jumps at them or catches them off-balance or whatever else, Mhin only jokingly huffs but never gets annoyed at any person or cat present.

They ask if you'd like to help cut up the fish and feed them, or even fish when evening comes. If you're nervous or aren't very good at it at first, they quietly help and encourage you, complimenting you when you succeed. It's good to have a schedule and something like a family of cats to look forward to, so Mhin always asks you to accompany them for the meals :]

Sorry for the 3 cat points. Like it's my fault or unexpected

You can try to help each other fall asleep, or at least stay up Together. The demons are always the worst at night... Mhin is good company, and they know what it's like wishing you could just go to bed the Whole night. Maybe you make a couple drinks and talk about nothing and everything!

If they notice you're distant or debating asking for physical affection throughout the day, Mhin silently moves to cuddle you that night, and every night. If you squeeze, they squeeze. If you try to sink further into them, they pull you in as much as they can. They'll tuck your head under their chin and rub circles into your back as long as you need.

Mhin getting you a little gift or trinket... They know it isn't a lot, but since they're doing commissions so much of the day, they figure a little cat figure might keep you company while they're gone

They already take care to clean themselves and their things before coming home, but I think. They take extra care. So that you don't worry about them or have to see something that might otherwise make you feel worse

Incredibly good at figuring out where you've been if you're staying distant. Even if they don't happen to Pop up while you're there, they'll do stuff like leave little things for you to find (something to give the cats? a cool coin?), anonymously send a drink or meal your way, etc.

If there's something you wanted to do with them earlier that Mhin declined, now is the time that they bring it up again. Like yeah, okay, let's go visit those stores, they have to scope out the area. You wanted to know how Mhin was on that rooftop before, right? If you still want to know, they're going again tonight to stargaze

i hope this helps a little and you're doing ok friend.. if u (or anyone!) would like a solo drabble or something less subtle or anything else,, just let me know! we're in this depression shit together fr🦔🪩🤍

[ordowrites]

Hey there. I really enjoy your works. I've been feeling really depressed, lonely and hated lately so I need some happy fics. Can I request a fic in which characters try to prove how much they care about the reader by making love to them and fucking them real deep? (My fav is Diluc but I'm happy with any male chara you write.) (If possible, no reader with a vagina. It kinda breaks immersion for me bc my body has a different anatomy.)

No pressure of course! ❤️ I hope you are having a good day

Hey anon, I hope this helps and I hope things start to feel better<3

cw: smut, slight bondage, body worship. diluc is slightly possessive and likes to bite, please forgive him. pet names ("baby", "darling", "my love", "my flame"), some angst, some fluff. hurt/comfort.

amab reader! minors dni, mdni. empty and blank blogs will be blocked.

divider by @/enchanthings!

"Too tight?" His voice is warm as he looms over you, a gloved hand running over your torso - making all the mental notes of fading hickies from the last time you two had made love, and he bends down and gives a soft bite to your chest, his hair tickling you a bit and you wiggle.

"'s fine," you mumble and he hums his approval as he starts to pepper kisses along your chest and lower abdomen. "You overthink these things." Or maybe, you think, I don't want to be showered in such tenderness. The feeling like you don't deserve such gentle touches and warm looks settles in the pit of your stomach again, a feeling you haven't been able to shake off for some time now, and you feel guilty for it - especially when he looks at you with those red eyes you always get lost in. It's automatic for you to pull at the silk bindings, always marveling in how soft they are and for a brief moment, your wedding ring catches the light of the candle and you're reminded that he married you of all people.

And there's that feeling again - it makes your stomach lurch and settles in a space between sadness and warmth. He keeps you warm and burning, always but you're not sure what you do for him. Most days, you often wonder if he loves you or if he's playing some long con game. Diluc always says he loves you, showers you with expensive gifts that you do adore - truly you do - and once gifted you a sword he commissioned from a very well known blacksmith in Fontaine. He also commissioned you a polearm - having taken notice that you had gotten interested in learning how use one. (And yet, you still wonder...)

Diluc gives a little hum. "Perhaps I just want to make sure the man I love isn't in any pain." Despite his words, he still pinches a nipple relishing in the soft gasp you give. "Is that so wrong of me, my love?" He sighs a little bit. "Baby, look at me." He grips your chin now, and you feel something rush through you and down to your cock that you can't help but arch upward a little bit to silently tell him what you want. For someone who claims to want to be sweet and loving, Diluc sure is not listening. Finally, your eyes meet his - your face a bit more red and he smiles, pleased. "Good boy."

With those two words, he captures your lips - a bit rougher this time as long as he possibly can while he fumbles to remove his own clothes.

You two break apart. You breathe hard, swallowing a bit.

"I love you," he says, firmly.

"I love you too." You answer, easily - watching as he removes his gloves slowly and you bite back a groan as you grind upward. A hand presses against your belly, forcing you down and still. "Diluc, you're taking too long."

"I'm enjoying what's mine," Diluc responds, easily. You fluster more. "Is that so wrong? Last I checked, I am allowed to enjoy my husband and how handsome he looks when he's red and needy." He bends down and bites your neck now, this time, it does cause you pain and you groan. "Do you know why, darling?"

You don't trust yourself to answer that and instead, you look away - to the mirror that sits close by. It dawns on you that you should really move that stupid thing when you have a moment as it keeps startling you in the middle of the night (and Diluc's decorative choices are honestly quite subpar for a man with wealth).

"Look at me," he commands and you snap your gaze back to him. Something about Diluc being so demanding of your attention turns you on more than you'd like to admit. "I asked you a question, my flame. Do you know why I like to take my time with you?"

You should answer - you know you should, but your voice catches in your throat as he starts to bite more at your skin, leaving blossoming purples and blues in his wake, teeth marks - all of these things that remind you of who your lover is. His Vision sits on the bedside table and it glows. You can feel the slightest touch of his flame your skin, but it doesn't burn and it feels good.

His mouth ghosts over your cock for a brief moment, and he grips it - not too firmly - and starts to pepper tender kisses along the hard skin. Diluc worships your cock the way he worships your body, reverence and as if you were a god sent for him to worship. Admittedly, you used to dislike receiving blowjobs from him because he always edges you, always takes his time until you merely a mess beneath him. You pull at your bindings when you feel his throat constrict around your cock and moan as he continues to tease, stroke, suck.

"Ah - Diluc-"

There's a brief moment where you're sure he's going to push you over the edge, but he finally pulls off - lips a mess with saliva and precum and you stare at him with need.

He bites your thigh and you moan even louder. Honestly, whenever you two have sex, you look like you've taken some weird tumble that has teeth. You remember asking him once about it and Diluc didn't seem to quite have answer, except that he simply enjoys marking you up so you remember that he loves you. He had offered to stop but you had told him, no, you don't mind.

Lube is squirted on his fingers liberally and he reaches down, pressing his fingers against your entrance.

"You never answered my question." You can't really apologize for being unable to talk while he was giving you a blowjob.

"My mind was pre-occupied." You quip. "Hard to think when you're the messiest person I met when it comes to oral."

There's a faint smile on his lips and he snorts. "That doesn't sound like a complaint." Diluc muses and you gasp as a finger slips in. "As far as I can tell, you quite enjoy when I get messy." He's not wrong. "Are you ready for me, my darling?"

Your breath catches in your throat as he removes his fingers and you nod. Diluc smiles and presses a kiss to your lips, tender and sweet as he pushes your knees to your chest. He presses the head of his cock to your entrance and you draw in a breath, bracing yourself for his size.

"By the way, I expect you to have answer to my question." The least sexiest thing Diluc can say, but you appreciate his attempt at alleviating how tense you feel as he slowly pushes in.

"I didn't realize sex with you came with homework and reports." You manage to quip out and Diluc laughs, and butterflies flutter in your stomach as you blush. He only ever laughs like that with you, deep, genuine - mirth on his face. "Do I have to also cite my sources?"

"So long as your only source is me." He nips at your lips again before fully hilting himself inside of you. You tug harder at the bindings, feeling as if your breath had been forced out of you. He groans. "So perfect for me." He frees your wrists from their bindings and you immediately wrap your arms around his shoulders, clinging for dear life as he starts to move.

At first, he's gentle with you - like he always starts off, as though he doesn't want to break you. Though he never does, no matter how rough he gets.

It doesn't take long for you to become a mess beneath him, cock aching to be touched as he fucks you as thoroughly as he can - hitting your prostate over and over again. Your cock twitches and you reach down to start stroking yourself off, but his hand pushes yours away and grips your wrists, pinning them above your head.

"Don't make me tie you up again." he groans as he grinds his cock inside of you and you let out a debauched moan, tears pricking at your eyes. "Look how beautiful you are. All for me."

"Nng, Diluc, please-" You gasp out as he hits your prostate again and he is pleased, moving the one hand that had been pinning you wrists above your head down to your twitching, leaking cock. His calloused hand wraps around your cock again and he starts to stroke in time with his thrusts, that hit you deep and make your eyes roll back.

Soon, you're releasing over his hand and your stomach, whining his name again. Diluc follows you not long after, releasing inside of you - but his cock remains, plugging you up.

Tender kisses are peppered along your face, slowly bringing you back down to him.

"Are you okay, my flame?" He murmurs as you slowly open your eyes. You draw in a few deep breath. Diluc's expression is one of love and worship

"Yeah, I'm...I'm fine." you murmur.

He slowly pulls out, some of his cum spilling as he does so. You almost whine at the loss of his cock and his body heat.

"My beloved," he murmurs. "Do you understand now?"

You do have answer, but you can't help but let a little grin form on your lips.

"I'm afraid I need to study a bit longer." you tell him. Diluc's gaze darkens with lust as he grips your hips and forces you on your hands and knees.

"Then I suppose I can help you," he says as he gives your ass a light smack. "I'll show you over and over again until you get it." Diluc's body encases your own, erection pressed against your ass again. "Make sure you know how much I love you and what I love about you until you never doubt me again."

And that is a promise.

[sukifoof]

it's so poetic that asriel died with chara, and not in a literal sense but more of a metaphorical sense... flowey feels that he can never be asriel again because that part of him died when chara died. he can never be who he was and he's come "back" in the shape of something that distinctly reminds him of his trauma. there's so many reasons he told us to view flowey as separate from asriel but the thing that always gets me is that asriel is just a reminder of who he was and what he can never get back. it's fascinating that when we see "asriel" again, all he wants is to reset everything. to go back to a life where he felt safe and loved and wanted.

"flowey" is someone who feels he can never return to loving others and being loved because of his trauma, and becoming "asriel" again when shown that he is worthy of being loved and saved despite everything is so touching to me. i think flowey completely lost hope of any kind of future and frisk allows him to see that there are things beyond his past. flowey never allowing himself to truly live because chara is gone vs being shown that he's allowed to live despite chara's death is such a perfect way to write grief. there's always that feeling of "am i really allowed to be here if they aren't?" that comes with the type of grief flowey is going through.

it's much easier for him to constantly try to go back than to accept the world he's in. trying to be asriel again is much easier than it is to accept himself as flowey. it's easier to think of when you were younger and happy than learn to live with grief and who you are now. ultimately it's much better for him to be able to live as flowey and make new relationships as who he is now than to wallow in grief and anger. i think a lot about him being able to find some happiness and hope as flowey... something something to be loved is to be changed

[yanoverload]

Indefinitely Hiatus.

I know this is super sudden to you guys. I apologize profusely.

It's upsetting to write this, but I have a tendency to ghost chatting about things that make me nervous, and I don't think it's fair for those that are so so nice and caring towards the blog.

I hit a very hard block recently. I was thinking of taking a hiatus before I even released wave 2 but I carried on thinking it would pass. It didn't.

I'm not sure if it is because I ended up shooting myself in the foot because of how overwhelmed I got with all the characters or I'm just in a rut. I have also been upset with how stagnant my real life has been, but I never push to change it.

Don't get me wrong. I love the babies. But I felt like they started to mush together in my brain and I don't make them yandere enough. Sure we have the "they kill people for you" and "are obsessed" lines but I hate telling and not showing. That's how I've felt as I was directing the blog recently.

I don't want to leave the blog forever because I could regret it later, but I'm also very dead inside about it.

I'm so so sorry for those that love the charas and I'm sorry for upsetting you for doing this. You guys lit my days in a very dark patch of my life. And I have nothing I could say that would equate to: I'm sorry.

That is to say, I WON'T DELETE THE BLOG NO MATTER WHAT. It will forever be up for you guys to enjoy. And you are all SUPER welcome to draw, write or think about my ocs in general! You are free to fantasize and ship with them. I made them so you guys could have them anyways. You don't have to tag me, but it would make me happy to see your creations :)

I also allowed my bestie pookie wookie @yanderefarm to write about them if he so desires. But please, remember Bunny has lovely characters that need to be highlighted themselves, so do not overwhelm him with mine.

I will try to get my life on the line, and get ahold of the things I wanted to do but haven't yet. I want to start commissions, I want to get another degree, I want to learn japanese. I want to get a stable job.

If, for some reason I ever come back, in this blog or in another one, please know I will forever hold you, YOU in my heart.

I will answer the asks I currently have inbox, but then I will close it, I apologize again for that.

I will still possibly be active on my dms or in the main blog, because I love this site, as cursed as it is, with all my heart.

Bunny, Sally, Tarkan, 🍒 anon, 🦄 anon, 🪼 anon and many other friends I've made here that will take forever to list. I wish you all the best. Crow will forever be rooting for you :)

Come to Brazil.

[howlsofbloodhounds]

Yo man, I like reading your posts and your thoughts. It inspires me.

There were a few questions that I asked anonymously, but reading everything you wrote, and thanks to you, I changed my attitude towards Killer as a character (to be honest, I hated him before, as well as his duo with Color). And also, like one anon person, I love Delta.

How do you do it, inspire and change opinions about characters?

I become obsessed about them and learn everything I can and then yap about it on the internet. /hj

Also a lot of killers story requires even a base level understanding in psychology and abuse and trauma, I feel. Especially things like prolonged intense coercion, and dissociative disorders, paired with severe CPTSD. And I love psychology so he quickly became a favorite of mine.

A lot of my fixation towards killer actually came from the fact that—no one could seem to understand or agree on things about killer’s canon story (which in large part is because a lot of killer’s canon was unfortunately deleted, including an entire ask blog.)

So i went looking myself, found what i could, shared it around everywhere i could reach—and then started doing research and analysis, and sharing those too.

But also from what I can see, the UTMV fandom back then was all really young—focusing more on black and white, “good” and “bad” morality. Creepypasta-esque. Instead of acknowledging Something New for the tragedy and psychological horror it is.

It was never as simple as “sans goes crazy and kills everyone” or “evil Chara possesses sans to kill everyone” or “sans gets bored and kills for fun.” It was all deliberate, pointed towards a goal—and sans completely lost himself until he became something so completely foreign and unrecognizable. which was all intentional.

and another thing I love about killer is that he’s definitely not a “perfect victim.” He was a victim sure, and he was made and taught to be this way, but it doesn’t change the fact that this victim has victims and he’s still an awful, shitty person. there are completely valid reasons to despise that bitch, and everyone is well within their rights to do so (Delta and Delta lovers deserve to punch killer and humble him ong) even as he attempts to work on himself and actually process his trauma that had been going for an unknown amount of time.

(which still fascinates me. there is a period of time in Chara and killer’s partnership that we are unlikely to ever see. we have no clue just how long they were together. killer himself probably isn’t sure—maybe they were always together.)

and color is an interesting piece of psychology too. I completely understand why he inspires hope in killer—hope that change is possible, that safety is possible, that something better out there can exist. that not everyone with power seeks to harm and control, that not everything is control or be controlled or kill or be killed, that some things do matter. that what he wants matters. that someone out there still cares about him, and unlike papyrus or the rest of the underground—is willing to fight for him, too.

(of course, papyrus was willing to die if it made sans happy. but he was never willing to fight to make sans happy, as far as killer can see.)

color has really lost everything and everyone in his attempts to save them. he fought and fought and fought—until as a last ditch effort, he makes a desperate choice. and it works, but it dooms him. only, it didn’t actually work, because the feeling of the Genocide route is coming back—and it’s happening again.

We can see this same exact thing with killer, too. Nightmare replaces Killers when they are killed or no longer useful. Color can see right through Killer—he knows he doesn’t actually want this life. He just doesn’t know anything different anymore.

And so Color spends so long trying to get Killer to admit to what he actually wants—and when he does, when Killer finally just admits he wants his old life back—his brother, his family, he wants to be Sans again. Color doesn’t tell him it’s likely impossible—instead he offers to help.

And when Killer asks Color to save him, Color takes to it loyally. It’s not hard to imagine that Color tried and failed to help save and protect many, many, many Killers.

And yet with each devastating failure, he keeps getting up and going and persevering. Because he has to, because it’s the right thing to do, because Killer asked him to, because Killer needs help, because he cares so much about Killer, because Color can’t leave him alone or forget about him the way he was forgotten. No one else is going to care enough to reach out and try with Killer—and Killer isn’t likely to trust anyone else who tries.

Even Color has to work hard to earn and maintain Killer’s trust. A single slip up could send Killer recoiling and snapping at any hand that attempts to touch him. So despite how desperately Color wants to save him, keep him safe, take care of him—he knows he needs to go at Killer’s pace.

He needs to be patient, and he needs to be consistent, and he needs to be open and as honest as possible—even if it’s hard, and he needs to be careful around Killer, too.

He can’t allow his emotions to drive him completely, to make him blind to Killer’s violence and apathy and manipulation and controlling behaviors—not only because for his own well being, but because Killer would definitely lose any respect he has for him if he thinks Color can’t see him for what he is. He can’t allow Killer to think that he is weak—someone easily trusting, or naive, or easily led and used and taken advantage of.

He has to maintain a balance between that, and just being himself—practicing what he preaches, because killer will notice; he is watching. Color’s goal isn’t to fix him, that’s something killer has to want for himself, he’s just here because he wants to help and Killer asked for the help he needs—even if Killer’s SOUL Stages make him have conflicting viewpoints and desires, if any at all. He has to show up for Killer consistently, show he isn’t trying to use or control him, and be true to himself.

Of course, the journey to actually getting there would likely be a struggle for them both, but they’re both determined enough to try, I think.

Anyway rant over. So that’s basically what I do; get curious, go digging and researching and get obsessed and then make my thoughts and interpretations everyone else’s problem.

{ @ferociousperson }

[a-butterfly1]

I have a headcanon that at first, Chara hated Clover along with the rest of the humans, but after learning Clover also sacrificed their life for the monsters, they grew to appreciate their understanding. But while Chara feels so empty inside, Clover's so full of life, and they long to feel what Clover feels. And that's how Chara fell in love with them.

How did they fall in love?

My headcanon is pretty different- with how they are in my mind and all that, its just that their love seems like it would be such a natural thing, like, they just fit in eachothers schedules no problem. Its a hell of a slow burn, but they just gradually talk more and more, they even text each other, it really is a friendship turned into relationship, its sweet, has its ups and downs, but mostly constant shows of affection even if small, its big enough to make some imprint in the others mind and then one day they just become a thing.

They are soo oblivious for the others feelings at the beginning and no one really wants to butt in because they could be misinterpreting Chara's gestures (with their "hating humanity" history, they could just be getting used to humans again) so thats why i say their first kiss was an impulse, it was the first time their feelings were exposed.

[miundy-again]

Oh man, i have been wanting to submit an ask for a while, but i was also wanting to double check if any of my future ask ideas have already been asked lol

Ask:

When, where, and what was the moment that ignited Frisk and Chara's feelings for each other?

C: Are we really going to answer to this?

F: Chara loved me even before they got their body back i think ;)

I can take this opportunity to talk about the story I imagine them in most of the time and never got to talk about...

It can be long… when I started drawing those two, even before the Charisk happened, (it happened naturally while I was working on the thing) the story was this. I’ll try to summarize but sorry if it’s long. ;v;

When Frisk first escaped the Underground, Chara’s spirit left them. They tried again many times in many ways to change that until something worked. Since, they share the soul.

The first years were kinda chaotic you could say, Chara didn’t like Frisk very much…

Frisk was waiting for Chara to claim their soul anytime but it was never coming. Chara were just sorta happy and chill to live again through Frisk. They also learned to tolerate and even – if I dare- like them. (they do.)

The two lived like that for years until Chara decided they had overstayed their welcome enough and requested Frisk to let them finally go. Which they did. (By this point. I’m pretty sure Chara LOVED Frisk.)

It didn’t go so well after that for Frisk.

They were sure they were gonna be ok without Chara, and they were at the beginning. They were a grown-up, they were responsible, they were strong-willed!

They couldn’t remember how they were living before falling down, alone in their head. They had lived alongside Chara for years, and their absence left a space in them where something nasty could grow. After just one year it started to gnaw away at their sanity. So, they decided to reset. They wanted to try something else, and for the first time felt they could be selfish about it.

This time they wanted to try to get Chara’s body back. And they succeeded!

But they had to get back to when they were children, and start back from here, once more.

Well, as for THE question.

It took a little more time for Frisk to notice the nature of their feelings. Of course they liked Chara but the realization came when they were around 12 I think? Despite all the flirting they do, they were quite dense, poor thing.

As for Chara, as said before, it was already here, muffled. And having a body again and get to grow up made Chara experiment some new things. Like. Puberty. Things that go with it. Mess of feelings. Whirlwind of too many things not under control. Gross :D

All of this to say that it took some time. And it was gradual. Also, puppy love is cute af.

[atlaskrr]

Comics that resonate with me in an unexplainable way - a rec list

☆ amount represents how much is resonated with me (aka how obsessed i became or how deep i loved) which is a personal thing not a quality thing.

sorted by sections below ⬇️

Manga

Zeikin de katta hon☆☆☆ - delinquent wants to use library. OH NO! he needs to return a book he lost when he was child. welp. reimbursement time. he does (while embarrassed) and ends up working in the library in the process and growing as a person. messages relate to the books and library practices in the chapter.

pos: AUGHHHH. comforting, imformativs, beautiful messages, well-written characters that each carry a message, and makes you fall in love with libraries and books (you will appreciate librarians 10x more)

neg: some charas can feel exagerated and some jokes are repeated one too many times

Magmell shinkai suizokukan☆☆☆ - i wanna work in an aquarium! a well renowned first ever deep sea aquarium! and i am. just as a janitor. but its ok since i get to watch and learn about all these wonderful creatures. i hope people see how beautiful they are too. each chapter carries a message tied to the creature it covers.

pos: GOD DAMN the art is beautiful. informative on the deep sea, well written characters and their psychology, nice mystery build up along the slice of life, you will be enraptured by the "ugly" deep sea. will make you believe in yourself and your dreams and that you can always grow and improve

neg: some scenarios of the world dont make sense with how the creatures would usually behave, weird age gap side-story (did not happen and was handled responsibly but still)

Butai ni sake☆☆ - they said i sounded scary. what if everyone will misinterpret me again? im at a new school for hs. i got this. how can i learn to be more, less scary? wait what club is showcasing right now? the... threatre club? maybe thats the answer. chapters show the club preparing for plays!

pos: RELATABLE AF characters. the messages are strong throughout and all the showcase of what goes on in a theatre club is very accurate. it makes you fall in love with the art and if youre already a theatre kid like me, i think youll be impressed and find it relatable.

neg: besides the main 2 characters, side characters can feel underdeveloped. ESPECIALLY one of them. the ending is very open-ended on the romance that they kept on implying (though it mightve just been bait)

Yokai gakkou no sensei hajimemashita☆☆ - imagine the most pathetic man you can muster. now make him 100x more wimpy to the point hes hussled by kindergardners. thats the mc of yohaji abe haruaki! he became a shut-in after trying to teach at a school and getting scared away by delinquents. but wait! a family friend has let him work at a school. with its own island?! wow this is an amazing oppurtuni- ITS A SCHOOL FOR YOKAI?! starts out as comedy but plot and characters develop along the way

pos: AMAZING characters, well developed relationships, great development throughout the story overall, fun yokai trivia, and well incorparated comedy. also. GAY. like- well written abd casually. pretty art btw.

neg: humour can be repetitive and too questionable for some. lowk the mangakas kinks are slipping through into it 💀 the timeline of one year feels like its streching on for ATLEAST 2 with the amount of shit that happens. once again, lots of questionable things. like time travel age gap. or just age gap ship bait. or just the mc. he gets a pass tho.

Manwha

The makeup remover☆☆☆ - i am ugly. but im ok with that, i mean im just a photography student. but i guess i could try more... how does everybody just become beautiful? how do they learn? OMG HE FUCKED UP MY MAKEUP. wait whos this new random dude. and why is he asking me to be his model for a makeup competiton??? the story follows this duo in the makeup competition.

pos: AMAZING STORY. AMAZING MESSAGES. each character FEELS like a message. they're well written. it feels realistic. the makeup looks SO CREATIVE. the relationships between characters are developed well and the diverse cast of backgrounds allow for good subplots that make you CARE and think about the messages they carry as they resonate in your soul. it shows both the good and bad of makeup. realistic. truly.

neg: very vauge open ending on relationship front as they kept teasing multiple relationships and it just- no payoff. spme character backgrounds were not explored enough.

Sambong barbershop☆☆ - theres a virus spreading around to ugly people when they break. im scared ill be next. but then a cat steaps her watch, she follows it to a barbershop and- is that a humanoid cat?! smoking a cig?????? oh and a majestic dude who cut hair with gigantic scissors. blablabla she ends up working at a barbershop. sambong barbershop. it shows how one can grow as a person yet stay the same as the mc works at the barbershop.

pos: good message, complex charas (they can be assholely but theyre human), cool action scenes and fantasy elements, very realistic as, well youll see how the development goes if you read this comic.

neg: artstyle takes a while to grow on you and ending was- random. and ambig. also, because its very realistic it guves a more harsh vibe to the message rather than positivity (not a full downside tho). also the world-building is very unclear and vauge.

Surviving romance☆☆☆ - ive been isekaid into my favourite romance novel. ahh this is the life, ill get my happily ever after, who cares about those faceless extras. lalalala- ZOMBIE OUTBREAK??? I DIE?! wait. im. alive again. at the beginning of that day. WHATS GOING ON??? the story follows how she'll survive this nightmare by getting to know unknown extras she has never cared for along the way.

pos: AMAZING development throughout the story as always by lee yone. characters and relationships grow very well and the mystery us very well developed and hints are rlly good! as hidden yet visible as they need to be. the pacing was good and the artstyle is very charming. the visuals are also used very cleverly and creatively. you can even see hints in the first few scenes! also, friendship! and a good, hopeful message for anyone struggling.

neg: ending can feel very luck based. also very open-ended (personally part of the charm tho). also questionable age losgistics and some might not like the character attitude switch ups.

Peace restaurant☆ - the dimensions have all collapsed together, right in seoul. naturally, theres war over land. but one safe haven owned by a mysteriously strong and feared lady, is peace restaurant. the newly awakened demon king is ready to fly there and when he does- be gets beat up. and not by the warrior there- BUT BY THE LADY???? the story follows the growing mystery behind the mc and the "fight" agaisnt people who oppose her restaurant.

pos: love the mystery and found fam. fun exaggerated characters yet also clearly more depth hiding beneath that. love through cooking. comedy that grows plot my fav genre fr. also, very cool dishes and world. also good character and relationship development for one chara. also, HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS!

neg: other characters could be more well developed and complex. change can feel too fast suddenly accepted by the mc. the current arc (chap 26ish i think?) is dragging FAR longer than it needs to. could benefit from more realistic characters (though its probably a writing choice for the tone of the story)

Webtoon

Cursed princess club☆☆ - gwendolyn is beautiful, just like the rest of her siblings, everyone in her life thinks so. though her life in inside the palace due to her overorotective father. but when she and her sisters are set to get engaged to the plaid princes and her fiance calls her UGLY. her world shatters as she realizes hes right. she runs into the forest as she cries and WHATS THAT. she passes out and wakes up in a mansion with princesses having a tea party outside. huh. so this isnt a haunted forest? WAIT WHATS WITH THE LONG NOSE? AND HOLLOW EYES?? AND- LOBSTER HANDS???? she has just stumbled upon the cursed princess club. the story shows a journey of self improvement and self love.

pos: WAAAA I ACTUALLY CRIED AT THE ENDING. very well written characters that develop over time, creative curses and good foreshadowing. the subversion of tropes is PEAK. it has good callbacks, parallels, analogies, etc.

neg: i feel like many characters can be explored more, worldbuilding unclear, and cam often times focys on romance more than id like. humour is very often misplaced such as in serious scenes when they should be before or after the peak of tension instead of well- at the peak. some relationships and feelings feel- random? and also bad people are way too easily forgiven. i feel like there needs to be a line to the positive messaging on that front.

Maho shonen☆ - ahh magical girls. teenage girls with superpowers. ah! 2 guide are descending and- TWO FULLY GROWN MEN?! and the gaurdians are, well.... they're certainly not cutesy, on the inside at least. and the grown men? they're just plain horrid at their job. the only thing they gain from all this, is trauma! not like they're already stocked up on it. oh, and each other of course! the story shows how the two will get through this whole ordeal as well as their daily life.

pos: the story WILL grow on you. cool art, good trope subversions esp in the price of being a magical girl. explores the psychology of it all and has well written characters that deal with realistic issues. also very nice duo dynamic.

neg: the humour may not suit everyone as it can be a bit more mature. it does take a few eps to get good and grow on you.

Our walk home☆ - two academic rivals.... wait, why aren't they acting like rivals at all? they're even getting along? and finding things in common?! they're letting the masks slip. but their rivaling schools won't be happy to hear about this from their top students. afterall, no one from the two schools are allowed to be friends. the story shows how these two mask-wearing academic achievers get through life together. and maybe, just maybe, fall in love.

pos: VERY good exploration of identity and self-worth and VERY relatable. the characters are very well written and have simple yet recognizable designs, a cute dynamic between the mcs.

neg: honestly, i don't know. it just didn't attach to my soul. probably secondary character relationships could be further expanded on.

The bathroom ghost☆☆ - ghost are scary. but this ghost, is just REALLY BAD AT HER JOB! what's a ghost to do when she can't scare? and is stuck in a mall bathroom of all places? worse yet, the managers keep badgering her about it! this follows her hijinks.

pos: the COOLEST artstyle I've seen in a comic with a very fitting and unique feel. cool character design, simple, yet entertaining, comedy, great use of body language, hidden plot developing. mc is very endearing and so are the rest of the characters. it's just so feel-good and heartwarming.

neg: takes a few episodes to move on from episodic if you dislike that. honestly, i just need more. that's my only complaint. GIVE ME MORE VOLPEE

[loojii]

How do you decide between creating the art you love vs creating art that is “guaranteed” to bring in views/followers/clients, or do you simply make what you like and be satisfied and grateful with having a small following and let it decide to grow on its own?

I am a struggling artist finishing up training to work in the “real world”, and I’m torn and worried because 1) the things that are currently giving me inspiration and motivation to draw are fandom related stuff, 2) Even when I have time or courage to draw and write content for original characters and stories/public domain charas and stories, followers are more interested in my fanart content, 3) trying to create marketable things for holidays/etc so that I can actually earn money has so far failed, 4) I just feel so far behind trying to catch up with new art techniques/art business-savvy rules while trying to retain the lessons I learn and figure out when to practice/actually draw/relax and take a break in healthy, productive amounts 5) I want to be able to work on my day job AND still have time and energy for art, but even with a part time job/training I still fell short despite my efforts to push forward.

Sorry for this; you probably answered something similar before 😅

I don't have the correct answers, for I am just a random person on the internet. But I do want to thank you for sharing and asking me for advice! That alone is a compliment to me :) Here are my two cents, but take it with a grain of salt:

Honestly the times where I was the most disatisfied with my art mindset was when I was doing art full time as a job. I made the hobby I loved so much a job and it changed it. I only made art for others and I didn't had any energy left to make art for myself. Nowadays I have an office job for three days in the week, and the other two I either work on commissions or my own stuff. I enjoy that way more :) But that's simply what works for me! Art is more enjoyable to me when I don't have to do it all week long all the time. Art is a reward for me again, instead of an obgligation :)

But I don't do it to gain followers: I honestly don't look at that. I started posting on the internet like 13 years ago and I always just posted the stuff I liked, and am very thankful that people have liked my stuff over the years and now there are people who enjoy my art and even want to commission me, I'm very thankful :) I started with posting fanart but that's because I simply was into those shows/games, never for the purpose to gain followers :0 I don't think it's a bad thing to do, I just can't tell you anything about it since I sincerely don't look at it. Sorry!

I do wish you all the best!! Sorry that I can't give you good advice, I hope you'll find your own way with how to deal with your art mindset! Finding your flow always takes time :)

[yanderes-galore]

Hopefully, you're atill open for these. May I request a Yandere XGaster (XTale) concept? Preferably non-romantic as he's ace-aro.

Perfectly fine! I honestly can't see him as anything else. If I ever write for him again I'd probably write him similar to how I do Alastor. Which is where the intentions are... dubious at best.

Yandere! X-Gaster Concept

Pairing: Dubious/True Intentions unknown (Could be Platonic?)

Possible Trigger Warnings: Gender-Neutral Darling, Obsession, Manipulation, Sadism, Experimentation, Condescending behavior, Violence, Possessive behavior, Delusional behavior, Blood, Murder mentioned, Isolation, Kidnapping, Forced companionship (?).

I'm going to be honest, no matter how I write him... X-Gaster is going to be HELL to deal with.

He's very isolated and mysterious.

Not many really know what he's thinking.

Being his obsession doesn't help... Gaster would want to know why he's obsessed with you.

Which leads to, you guessed it, experimentation.

Gaster is clever and always seems to know what his obsession is thinking.

Which makes him able to stomp out any rebellion you try to create.

I hardly doubt Gaster can hold any genuine love for anyone.

He's in a similar situation to Nightmare and maybe Error.

He'd see his obsession as his newest experiment, treating them as a puppet.

You are his to perfect, his to command, his to use.

He's condescending and doesn't view you as your own person.

He does not care for anyone's feelings, including yours.

It's canon that Gaster is obsessed with control.

He may act stoic and calculating... but someone disobeying him sends him into a fit.

He really does view the multiverse as something he can control.

Control is what he yearns for... which is unfortunately what you're subjected to.

While he once used to be kind, perfection drives him mad.

Perfection is all that seems to matter to him.

Which is why he's confused when you distract him.

You're not perfect, nothing is...

He doesn't understand.

His lack of understanding makes him pursue his obsession.

Which drags you into his insanity.

Gaster is sadistic and manipulative, completely willing to break the mind of his obsession to have them under his control.

Which is even worse if you are considered... defiant to him.

Gaster is determined to make events happen in the way he wishes.

He's definitely a dangerous yandere due to his need for perfection.

His obsession is no more than an experiment in his claws... completely forced to listen and go along with what he says.

But even that might not be enough for him.

Based on what we see him do to X-Frisk and X-Chara, you just know what his newest obsession is going to go through.

If his obsession was being overly defiant, he'd make it a goal to punish them.

Not physically, no... mentally.

He'd give you friends and family just to take them away.

If you already had such a thing, he'd just get rid of them.

Harming you mentally allows him to control you easier.

As we all know... that's what he wants.

You're rarely given affection, even in praise.

He acts like he doesn't care...

But let's be honest, he cares enough to keep you to himself.

If you talk to anyone else, even Ink, he takes you away from them.

He cares about you enough to force you into his control.

He "cares" enough to isolate you, to keep you unhappy.

He sees outsiders as able to corrupt you.

So if he wants to break you down and make you his perfect little toy...

No one else comes in contact with you.

There's no escape from him, even if he lets you run... it's just because he can find you again easily.

He finds it amusing if not frustrating when you continue to defy him.

But he tries to be patient, eventually like his children, you'll break and be an obedient little puppet to experiment with.

His praise is so fake.

His tone with you is condescending.

As I said before, he views you like a possession.

You aren't a partner or someone he shows a genuine paternal link with.

You're someone he can toy with.

You are his and he'll make you learn that.

You can never read his true intentions.

You don't understand why he smiles at your failed attempts to leave.

You don't understand why he finds you bleeding or crying over those you love pitiful.

He treats all other connections as weakness.

Kidnapping you from all your love isn't hard for him.

He'll use his puppets to take you in, all so you can be dropped at his feet.

By the time he decides to go easy on you, you're broken into obedience.

Once Gaster sees you no longer have any fight... he's happy.

The faster you learn you're his to experiment with, the easier it will be for the both of you.

Don't look at him with such disdain.

He can make your life perfect.

He's allowed your games to play out long enough.

Don't act like a child.

Once he tires of your defiance... you just need to stay still.

To reward you for your obedience... he'll make you perfect for him...

Nothing a little OVERWRITE can't fix, yes?

[haveyouseenthisskeleton]

During a family diner, S/O's big brother (who looks actually really strong and is very tall) waits for S/O to be out of the room to threaten the UT characters of breaking both their knees if they dare to hurt them. How do they react?

Undertale Sans - He doesn't look away. Sans is not a big fan of being threatened for nothing. He deflects the tension with some humor, but his S/O can tell something is weird when they're coming back. Sans is also a lot more cold with your brother after that. If he started warming up a bit, that's clearly over by now. He's a big brother too, he knows it can be scary to let a sibling go, but being violent right away instead of talking and learning to know him won't solve the situation.

Undertale Papyrus - Papyrus doesn't mind. Sans is protective around him too sometimes, but he knows it's just because he's scared. He puts his two hands on the shoulders of your brother and tells him that's ok to be scared and not want to let go, but also that his S/O is a fully grown adult who can make their own choices and that instead of threatening him, he should probably show his S/O they trust him a little more than that. If he can comfort your brother though, he told the exact same thing to his own brother not a week earlier. He can deal with big brothers, they're not so scary. He needs to deal with his anger issues though.

Undertale Toriel - She takes these matters really seriously actually and promises with all her heart that she will never hurt you willingly. She understands the worry of her S/O's brother, as it is hard to let someone you love go with someone you never met before, but she can assure him she is taking their relationship seriously and will do all she can for it to last long.

Undertale Asgore - Asgore stares at your brother with big wide terrified eyes. Oh no. That's the family dinner with Toriel's father repeating all over again. That's fine though. He was a young man at that time, he can deal with it better now that he lived a few centuries. He opens his mouth to answer and the only thing that comes out is a pitiful whimper. ... Asgore stands up in complete silence, awkwardly, and runs to wait for you behind the door of the bathroom lmao.

Undertale Undyne - Wants to say that again to her face, punk? You think you're scaring her? You think she doesn't eat ten little soldiers who already see themselves as generals every morning for breakfast? Your brother tries to impress her by standing tall above her. Undyne stands up to stare him down herself. Yeah, she's taller than you, now what? Are you done trying to look big and scary or do you want her to headbutt you to remind you she doesn't need your opinion?

Undertale Alphys - She gulps, flattened against her seat. Great job, Alphys is quite literally TERRIFIED right now. She doesn't answer anything, looking at her feet intensely. Anything to not meet your brother's eyes. When you come back, Alphys brings her seat a little closer to you and far, far, FAAAAAAR away from your brother. She doesn't like him a lot.

Undertale Frisk - The problem with Frisk is that they don't give a shit. After your brother's long tirade, Frisk stays silent for a good ten seconds and just *FLIRT. Your brother is just mad now and you come back to him and Frisk fighting in the living room. And by fighting I mean your brother tries all he can to hit Frisk in the face while Frisk simply dodges the attack, waving at you with a big smile, not bothered at all.

Undertale Chara - Chara looks your brother up and down, smirks, and goes back to ignore him. Your brother is offended. Chara doesn't care though. Even though he attacks them, they can just load to dodge them and make him look like a perfect idiot. They won't be condescending to his level.

Undertale Mettaton - Sorry, he didn't listen to anything you said. Those dramatically angry eyes though... They could look so cool in his next drama movie. He tells your brother he has a pretty face and that's a shame he's wasting it whining like a baby instead of having ambition to do greater things. Well, your brother tries to hit him but he regrets him when he realizes that hitting metal hurt him more than Mettaton.

Undertale Gaster - Gaster doesn't say anything, but it doesn't take a genius to notice he's insulting your brother with really creative insults inside of his head. Who do you think you're talking to? What did you achieve in your life even? At least people will remember his name long after he died unlike you. Did you create the CORE? Of course not, because HE created the CORE. He's a genius and you're nothing but a tiny arrogant little pathetic human. Nah.

Undertale Grillby - Grillby gives the silent treatment to your brother. He's not impressed and he doesn't even has knees as his body is made of gas and magic. I mean, you could kick him in the knees but you would be the one burning yourself and that would pretty much not change anything for him. He could tell your brother that, but that's a lot of words and he's tired. He can tell anyway that your brother is all bark and no bite, so who cares.

Undertale Muffet - Oh yeah? She lifts one finger and thousands of little spiders starts to crawl down the wall and up your brother. You come back to Muffet sipping tea, looking very satisfied, while your brother is screaming at the top of his lungs trying to escape the tsunami of spiders very slowly crawling up his legs under his pants. Well, at least, everyone knows who is scared of who now.

Undertale Burgerpants - Poor guy just lets a long, long sigh as your brother threatens him. Man, do whatever you want to him. He went through hell already, nothing can hurt him anymore. You think he's afraid of a little hit in the knees? Man, he already almost lost both his legs into a fake guillotine that was actually a real one once. You can't hurt him if the world already hurt him so much he doesn't feel anything. Now your brother is just concerned.

Undertale Flowey - Wait, are you threatening him for real? Flowey starts to laugh evilly, then summons a hundred friendliness pellets. RUN NOW. Your brother has to run for his life as Flowey chases him with dangerous pellets, laughing like a maniac. Well. At least they're sort of bonding?

Undertale Gerson - He patiently waits for your brother to finish. Then just "Listen kid, you look nice and all but if you should talk louder because I didn't get a word you just said". Your brother rage quits the dinner lol. What? Not his fault, he's old!