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queenofthefullmoon · 5 years ago

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An exhaustive list of Dark Souls 3 bosses I would or would not date

Iudex/Champion Gundyr

We’re starting off this list with a strong yes. Our boy Gundyr has had a hard, difficult life, and he deserves some good company. He’s tall, strong, and I trust him to protect us as we set a lovely camp site outside of the fire link shrine.

Vordt of the Boreal Valley

Vordt is big and he is feral which are truly the only two qualities I look for in a man. Together we’d be unstoppable. I mean, think about how easy it would be to go around with him: just climb on his back and let the rodeo begin, baby. This argument alone should be enough to convince you that Vordt is a suitable boyfriend, but here’s another one: if you get too hot in the summer, worry fucking not for your gigantic man can hold his equally gigantic hammer over you and cover you with snow like an italian man covering his pasta with parmesan.

Cursed Rotted Greatwood

Now while I’m certain it would be a perfect partner for some people, the Cursed Rotted Greatwood isn’t for me. For one, I am not fan of curses, or rot, or weird sticky balls, or strange orange acid, or pale white and slightly viscous hands bursting through a living tree. Secondly, I feel like the crowd of Hollows who group up around the tree would be a big impediment to our intimacy, and I’m not ready to be the mother of 20 Hollows.

Crystal Sage

No offense but you’d be an idiot for not wanting to date the Crystal Sage. All wrapped up in one package, you get a super competent sorcerer bf, who wears the coolest hat in the galaxy and an equally cool cape, and who overall looks like the upgraded version of a plague doctor. In addition to that he also has a pretty rapier so you can both engage in some sparring (which we all know is the most romantic couple activity).

Deacons of the Deep

Probably one of the worst options on the list, they’re all crusty, rotting men moaning around a biggass coffin. There are many technical questions. If I dated a deacon, would I have to date all of them? Can we go out on dates or are they obligated to stay next to the coffin at all times? Can I even date them at all?? Not that I would, because I have standards. The only pro to entering this relationship(s?) would be that I’d probably get one of their robes for free, but the cons are so numerous that I’d rather buy it myself.

Abyss Watchers

Let’s be real and honest even if it hurts. Would I date an Abyss Watcher? Yes. Maybe I’d even date two. However, would an Abyss Watcher date me? No, because they’re all in love with Artorias, and I can’t blame them for that.

Old Demon King

At first I considered dating the Old Demon King like a Russian Instagram model dates an old, rich American man: with a great deal of fake love but above all great patience in order to be the only person on the will. But then I thought about it more, and what does the Old Demon King have to offer, really? A big firework show that will leave him exhausted like the old creature he is, and maybe some pyromancies. Truly, it is not worth it, especially since I’d have to take residence where he lives, in a big old room filled with the corpses of his kin.

High Lord Wolnir

I’ve got nothing against Wolnir personally, but I have no interest in skeletons, nor in his army of skeleton children. As stated above I’m not ready to be a mother. I feel like if we got in an argument and he sighed, he would poison me with his awful breath and I would die a horrible death. Also, living on the brink of the Abyss doesn’t appeal to me that much. However I would like Wolnir to be a good friend I can talk jewelry with because let’s be honest, the man (skeleton?) is blinged the fuck out even in death and I respect that.

Yhorm the Giant

Yes, I would date Yhorm. He was nothing but a sweet, misunderstood giant who always tried to get people to trust him and he convinced me. I would put my life in his big hands. Think of the possibilities. Just like with Vordt he could carry you everywhere but in a less reckless way if you prefer proper manners. You’d never have to worry about not seeing anything at a concert. Also, may I add that waiting for you to show up while sitting on his biggass throne is an absolute power move? Yhorm is a Lord of Cinder, but above all, a Lord of this heart.

Pontiff Sulyvahn

Would I date him because of his appealing aesthetic? Yes. Would I date him for anything else? No. Sulyvahn is absolutely terrifying, completely unhinged in the most frightening way, which is that he doesn’t look bat shit crazy. I could be thinking that everything is going well in our relationship then suddenly he’d lock me in a dungeon then would feed me to his weird friend because I put a fork in the knife drawer. He could pretend to propose and give me a weird fucked up ring with his eye in it and the next thing I know I’d be running in a field on all fours. I don’t trust like that.

Aldritch, Devourer of Gods

I’m so sad about Aldritch because literally everything about him is completely unappealing, unacceptable, unnatural, unholy, abhorrent, but he has the delicate and beautiful face of Gwyndolin. While our lovely Gwyndolin looks gorgeous as ever it doesn’t make up for the fact that Aldritch devoured people and probably wouldn’t find love to be a good reason to not eat his partner. The only reason I can find to have a friendship (not even a romantic relationship) with him is if you really like experimenting with cooking and you really, really need someone to taste your inventions.

Dancer of the Boreal Valley

I feel attraction, which means that just like any other being who feels attraction, I would date the Dancer. She is beautiful, graceful, a bit feral, and would not hesitate to put a flaming knife to my throat, which is the description of my dream woman. Imagine walking the streets with her, trying to hold her hand while it dangles 3 feet above you and she insists on holding her sword, actually, so she might slay anyone who tries to approach you, which she communicates through icy breaths and murmurs. The date of a lifetime.

Oceiros, the Consumed King

Another awful choice on this list, Oceiros is RABID and also, as far as we know, still a married man. You really want to date a man that hasn’t even gone through his divorce but already looks like this? Me neither. I’m already not big on dragon fucking but the fact that he’s all viscous and has weird growths all over him is not helping. Also, he has children, and we know how I feel about that — although, given how he treats them, he probably won’t have kids very soon (too far?).

Ancient Wyvern

So I’ve stated that I’m not very big on dragon fucking. With that said, do I think the wyvern is sexy and beautiful? Absolutely so. You’re probably like « Blue you’re sending mixed signals, are you gonna date the lizard or not? » and to that I say, date? Perhaps not. I would however like to form a lifelong bond with this wonderful force of nature and fight by its side, live a long and fulfilling life travelling along with it, only to die at the same time atop the tallest mountain in the world, where our skeletons will be discovers hundreds of years in the future by brave explorers, who will confirm that the legendary songs that were written about us were in fact not just a myth.

Nameless King

You’ve just read what I said about the wyvern. I feel like the Nameless King really understands me and would respect me for that. We could bond over our love of dragons and other flying scaly beasts and perhaps share some chaste kisses while soaring the sky on our companions. It’s nice to date someone who loves pets as much as you. I feel like he would be a fun guy to hang around in general, maybe he’d let you braid his hair or try on his crown. He can arrange personalized fireworks shows for you with his lightning powers. I don’t think you’d ever be bored around him.

Dragonslayer Armor

Dating an empty suit of armor has never bothered me (see: ds2 Ruin Sentinels), however I have beef with the dragonslayer armor. Is it a beautiful armor? Perhaps a bit worn off, but the reply remains affirmative. However, it is controlled by Pilgrim Butterflies, which basically means I’m dating one to multiple of these things in the shape of an armor, and I’ve gotta confess that I’m not down for that.

Lorian Older Prince and Lothric Younger Prince

Here comes the delicate moment where we have to make a choice without offending anyone. I personally, speaking for myself, in my own opinion, would rather date Lorian. Reason: he is big, strong, and a bit rabid, which I’ve made very clear is my type. I don’t dislike Lothric, but I feel like we’d be better off as best friends who have a really snarky group chat where we shit talk the entire kingdom. That’s pretty good because if I even just slightly disliked Lothric I’m pretty sure Lorian would sense it and would not hesitate to murder me on sight.

Champion’s Gravetender and Champion Greatwolf

Well the full name is just a formality here, I’m not completely insane so I don’t want to date this rabid wolf. I feel like the Champion’s Gravetender is just a normal dude who’s a bit in over his head and it’s not his fault but he just seems a bit boring compared to all my other options. Instead of a date I think he’d be more of an awkward flirt I had when I was bored and then I came to my senses but didn’t know how to disengage, but in the end it worked out because he was more interested in his work anyway.

Sister Friede and Father Ariandel

Again a choice has to be made and I will have to be predictable and say I’d date Elfriede. Just like Dancer she’s what the woman of my dreams is made of. She’s graceful and could easily take my life and I think it’s awfully sexy of her to be like that. I think I’d be accepted into the family pretty easily, which is important since Father Ariandel cares about Friede so much. I’d go visit him sometimes, play chess with him, bring him his flail, normal interactions with your girlfriend’s dad.

Soul of Cinder

I’m gonna be a tiny bit freaky here and say I’d date the Soul of Cinder. Dating it is just like opening a Kinder Surprise egg, you never know what you’re gonna get (sorry Americans for excluding you here). That makes life exciting and doesn’t let routine stall your relationship. Every day you can wake up with the question « What weapon will my darling walk around with today? The flaming sword, or the sorcery staff? » and be surprised by the answer. Truly ideal, but I understand it’s not for the faint of heart.

Demon Prince

I’m gonna go with a maaaaaaybeeeee? leaning towards no. I mean yes, the Demon Prince is a weird fleshy flaming demon, and that may be a bit gross, but I’ve gotta admit I admire his style, the drama of it all. The care he puts into his entrance, the attitude in his moves. If we don’t date I’d at least want to be friends so he can teach me his ways.

Darkeater Midir

I have very intense and contradictory feelings towards Midir. In one hand, holy shit, absolutely epic dragon, the spirit of companionship is growing in me. On the other hand, this beast is RABID and pretending I could tame him is foolish, and pretentious. I guess in the end the answer remains that I don’t date dragons, I just want to adopt them as my extremely exotic pets.

Halflight, Spear of the Church

Yeah I’d date Halflight, I know it’s the easy answer but look at him. I mean shit he’s walking around like a little thotty with his shirt open and you mean to tell me I’m not supposed to wanna date him because he looks pretty much like a regular dude? My boy Halflight WANTS me to date him or else he would not show up with his tiddies out to a sword fight, which as an activity already has enough erotic implications on its own.

Slave Knight Gael

I’m gonna say it unashamedly and I’ll say it again: I would date Gael. He’s been nothing but helpful and when he tries to attack you it’s to help his little lady that he’s adopted as his niece. We love a chaotic parental figure. Maybe he’s a tad bit old and dirty but there’s nothing a good bath can’t fix and I’m sure he’d appreciate having someone taking care of him for once. Again, he’s got that slightly unhinged quality to him that makes him delightful. When I walk around with my partner I want us to instill both fear and fascination in people which we would be able to accomplish perfectly well.

Dark Souls 1: Remastered date list // Dark Souls 2: Scholar of the First Sin date list

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xenbiology · 4 years ago

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ABOUT

Hello! My name is Professor Alem; though you may simply call me Alem or Professor! My pronouns are they/them. I’m a biologist and author who studies and breeds Xen fauna and their history and relationship with humans. I mainly deal with headcrabs and their domestication, and have even bred a few new types myself! This picture is of me and Paz, a new pattern I am working on :)

I created this blog because I wish to share the information and make it more widely accessible to a human audience, and to answer any questions you all may have on my work!

- ALEM

FAQ

So... what is this blog?

This is a Half-Life based askblog that takes place 200 years after the ending of Half-Life 2, and follows my headcanons of Xen biology! It’s is designed so you can send in questions, which will be answered ‘in character’ by Alem, a vortigaunt scientist. It’s also to keep track of any headcrab characters people might have made/adopted.

If you’re familiar with Professor Peach, it’s something sort of like that. Basically, you’re allowed to send in questions that are responded to by Professor Alem, a vortiguant biologist, as if you were a character in the setting. You’re also welcome to send in ‘ooc’ questions as well though!

I also just reblog a bunch of art and posts revolving around xen biology, as well as some memes and such.

This blog is intended to be 16+ because it might contain some upsetting or potentially NSFW content, but all in a biological format (discussions of animal abuse, art of meat/dissections, discussion of breeding behavior and anatomy, etc). Everything will be tagged generously. There won’t be any condoning of mentioned behavior, and no explicit porn or heavily NSFW images.

If you need anything tagged that I didn’t, please let me know.

So is this a roleplay blog?

Er... not exactly. It’s more of an in-character ask blog. But if you have a similar blog, I wouldn’t be opposed to interacting.

Am I allowed to use these headcanons?

Yes, go ahead! I would be thrilled to see anyone using any of these, or even something based off of these. You’re allowed to mix and match and change anything you want for your own personal use. You’re free to make OCs or characters based on any of this stuff too! Make a headcrab! Make a scientist! Go crazy go stupid!

Am I allowed to do fanart / fanworks of _____?

Yes!!!! You’re 100% welcome to draw (or write about, or.. whatever) Alem, any of Alem’s crabs, your own takes on anything or any biology, or just. Anything from or inspired by this blog! I would love to see it!

If you do, please DM it to me- I don’t check my email often, and don’t see @’s! I don’t mind at all!

Who’s the mod?

Hello! My name is Rhi / Bees / Toad, and I’m the mod here behind Prof. Alem! My pronouns are they/them, please. I’m 21, neurodivergent, nonbinary, and going to college for zoology babey!

I run this blog because I think headcrabs are neat, and I love to worldbuild, especially when it comes to biology! You might recognize some of my art and ideas from my other blogs, listed below.

Main || @toadsong

Half Life / HLVRAI Sideblog || @black-mesa-slut-voice

Art Sideblog || @bees-draws

If you have any questions for me, feel free to send in an ask! Please specify that it’s either directly to me or OOC however, so I know not to answer as Alem!

What exactly is the setting here?

As I mentioned, this blog takes place 200 years after the events of Half-life 2. It sort of... diverges a bit from canon there, since we never got a full conclusion to the story, but this world is working under the assumption that the resistance managed to drive off the Combine from earth, and humanity started to rebuild... but now has alien neighbors and creatures.

Vortigaunts are seen as normal residents and have just as many rights as humans, and it’s not uncommon for them to mingle together as complete equals. Though vortigaunts didn’t used to have names, they must at least legally choose a name to put on paperwork; and many vorts choose to use it for the ease of humans around them, since they’re not tapped into the vortessence.

A lot of animals are extinct in this universe due to the Combine, which is part of why aliens as pets and livestock is much more common. There’s also several new and synthetic species created in the absence of some, which were made by humanity thanks to leftover Combine knowledge.

Technology is roughly in the modern-day level, though some knowledge is more advanced than today’s thanks to leftover Combine tech, and some knowledge is less advanced or lost completely thanks to the destruction of information databases by the Combine. But roughly 2020′s level tech!

Where’s Gordon/Barney/Alyx/etc?

Unfortunately, despite the tech advances, immortality hasn’t been invented yet, and most people can’t live for 200+ years. They’re long passed by now... though the vortigaunts never truly let them be forgotten. Thanks to the vortessent hivemind, Alem knows them just as well as any other vortigaunt knew them. You’re welcome to ask them questions, though they may not be comfortable answering. I have lots of headcanons on them as well, which I might sprinkle in, lol.

RULES

Do not interact with this blog if you’re a bigot. This means do not interact if you’re LGBT+phobic of any kind, antisemetic, a nazi, anti-blm, pro-cop/’blue lives matter’, racist, ‘pro-ship’/pedo/MAP, etc. This includes transphobia, biphobia, and panphobia. If you’re nasty you know who you are. Get outta here!

On that note- despite the warning above, this blog will not particpiate in any political discussion or drama. I simply do not want nasty people interacting with this blog. If you want to discuss anything, at the very least, go to my main/sideblogs. The exception of this is if I reblog something from a nasty person/source- I try to do a brief check of who I reblog from, but sometimes I’m tired or lazy. If you notice content come from a questionable blog, let me know, and I’ll remove it!

Please try not to send in overly explicit or horny questions. Though this blog may discuss mature themes, such as discussions of breeding behavior and anatomy, it’s not going to be horny in nature.

Be aware that if your question is ‘in character’, Alem may refuse to answer it. Unless you’re a recurring person or someone they feel comfortable with, don’t send anything overly weird or personal. Alem is a professional, and is always more than happy to share things they know (sometimes too much), but even they have a line they won’t cross sometimes. On the other hand, even if Alem might not answer it, I probably will! I love to answer questions, even more than Alem :D

#ooc

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mst3kproject · 5 years ago

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The Strange World of Planet X

The Strange World of Planet X, also known as Cosmic Monsters, was released on a double bill with The Crawling Eye and stars Forrest Tucker of the same. It’s got a giant spider and a deep-voiced 50’s narrator droning about the terrors of the atomic age, in a film so dry all my plants shriveled up and my contact lenses adhered to my eyeballs.

Mad Dr. Laird, with the help of his assistants Gil and Michele, is baking things in intense magnetic fields in order to rearrange the molecules and turn metal into putty – the general idea is that someday this will allow them to melt enemy planes right out from under their pilots. Would that melt the pilots, too? Gross. At the same time and perhaps related, flying saucers are being sighted over Britain and a mysterious man named Mr. Smith is wandering around in the woods and getting worryingly chummy with local children. After a lot of standing around and talking, Smith reveals that he is from outer space and has come to warn us that Laird’s magnetic fields are tearing apart the Earth’s ionosphere, letting in cosmic rays that will mutate humans into murderers and insects into giants!

Since my last ETNW was fairly well-paced and entertaining, the law of averages tells us that this one’s gonna be a real turd, and sure enough… remember all my griping about how Radar Secret Service was literally unwatchable, as in I could not force myself to keep looking at it? The Strange World of Planet X is like that but with a British accent. Most of it is just ugly gray people in ugly gray rooms, droning on about whatever at far greater length than necessary. Everybody sounds like they’re reading their lines off cue cards, the photography was awful to begin with and the degraded print makes it really hard to tell what the hell is going on. Fuck this movie.

The film’s general insufferability is made all the worse because normally giant bug movies are among my favourite types of crappy old sci fi. What could possibly be more fun than giant grasshoppers crawling all over postcards of Chicago? If the bug bits were fun, that would go a long way towards saving this one, but of course, they’re terrible. It’s mostly too dark to even see the giant insects, and when we do see them, they’re nothing but close-ups of live (and sometimes dead) roaches and grasshoppers. Only a couple of shots even attempt to composite them in with live actors and those are so dark and blurry that it frankly wasn’t worth the effort.

The other main ‘effect’ in the movie is a couple of flying saucers. These are unidentifiable white blobs when far away, and ridiculous tinfoil models dangling from strings up close. The pie pans in Plan 9 from Outer Space are worse… but not by much.

What should be the most exciting part of the film is the battle in the woods between the soldiers and the giant bugs, but it’s mishandled in the same sort of way as the supposedly climactic fight in Invasion of the Neptune Men. There’s no narrative or any characters we care about – just soldiers running around shooting at things. Where are they? How close are they to the town? Are there civilians in peril? We don’t know. To be effective on screen, a battle needs a story. The battle in Army of Darkness is about the need to protect the Necronomicon. We can see the Deadites getting closer to the tower, as Ash pulls out more and more ridiculous secret weapons to keep them back. The Strange World of Planet X is just random people and bugs, not even in the same shot.

There is some half-decent magnetosphere science in the movie, I guess. The Earth’s magnetic field does protect us from the harsh radiation of outer space, although all the most harmful components of that come from the sun rather than from further afield, and such radiation can damage DNA. This is why the ozone layer was such a big deal in the 80’s. This space radiation is much more likely to give bugs cancer than to make them grow huge, but in a movie I can handle that. The really weird thing here is that, because they say it screens out the heaviest of the cosmic rays, they call the ionosphere the ‘heavyside layer’. I would not have thought it possible that Cats could make less sense and yet here we are.

If you want some proper Crap Movie Science, there’s their explanation of how the monsters grew so big – mutations for size were able to pile up quickly because insects breed fast and therefore evolve fast. I guess this makes more sense than individuals growing out of control as a result of whatever… but they appear to have applied it to a whole range of creatures regardless of their actual life cycles. Some insects do breed quickly, but quite a few of them have specific seasons and conditions for it. This feels like a nitpick, though… I mean, by watching a giant bug movie I’ve already accepted that they can become huge so I should probably just shut up.

As an interesting note, Smith mentions that on his home planet there are giant dragonflies. He doesn’t say how giant, though he implies they’re big enough to ride on. Firstly, man, I wanna ride a giant dragonfly! Second, this tells us that Smith’s home planet has more oxygen in its atmosphere than Earth, because the reason insects can’t get bigger than they do is because they don’t actively breathe, but have to let oxygen diffuse into their tissues on its own (this is why there were six foot millipedes during the Carboniferous era — more oxygen in the air). The writers, sadly, do not seem to have known or cared about this, since Smith himself shows no signs of having to adjust to our atmosphere. Missed opportunity there.

Since this is me, of course I’m gonna talk about how the movie treats women. Click the back button now. There are several female characters in The Strange World of Planet X, and while they're pretty bland they do manage to have conversations with each other about things besides men, and the honest impression I get is that the writers are trying really hard not to be assholes. The first woman we meet is Michele, who has been assigned as Dr. Laird’s new computer operator after the previous one was electrocuted in a lab accident. When he learns that the replacement is a woman, Laird complains about it loudly, protesting that ‘this is skilled work!’, and Gil gripes that female scientists are dour and unattractive. Michele, of course, proves them both wrong – she is both brilliant and pretty, the latter mostly so that she can be Gil’s love interest but also at least in part to shatter the stereotype. It's thanks to movies like this setting the precedent that modern films are up to their eyeballs in hot but useless science women… but like I said, they tried.

The script is actually at great pains to emphasize that Michele is intelligent, educated, and the equal of any of the men, at least where science is concerned. Unfortunately, its way of going about it is to have them praise her for every little thing she says and does, to the point where it starts to sound awfully patronizing. They call her ‘clever girl’ like she’s six years old and it frequently comes across as their complimenting her intelligence in order to deflect when she asks awkward questions.

Naturally there’s a love triangle in this movie. It appears only to be immediately and peacefully resolved, and Gil’s rival for Michele’s affections is dead shortly thereafter. Why fucking bother?

A tad better-treated is Jane, the little girl fascinated by arthropods (she describes them as ‘bugs’, saying all insects are bugs, but not all bugs are insects. While entomologically incorrect, this same definition of bug was used by David Attenborough in Micro Monsters, so I’m okay with it). One of the reasons I think the writers were earnestly trying to be feminist is because they place a girl in this role rather than a boy. Susan Redway isn’t any better than any of the other actors, but the character was definitely written by somebody who knew what appeals to children. I love the bit where Jane promises to show her new teacher her favourite type of beetle, delightedly informing her, “they’re horrid-looking!”

The teacher, Miss Forsyth, is another attempt to buck a stereotype. Jane complains that she hated her previous teacher, who was appalled by her interest in crawly things. Miss Forsythe makes a good first impression by encouraging her instead. Again, this feels like the writers really were trying. They want to say that the right thing to do here is to support Jane’s interests and ambitions, and someday perhaps she’ll be a talented entomologist, just as Michele is a computer whiz.

From a twenty-first century point of view, this makes for an odd contrast with one of the other notable features of how women are portrayed in this movie – they don’t come alone. Adult women in The Strange World of Planet X must have a male partner, and if they don’t start out with one they will be assigned one! Michele pairs up with Gil, and Miss Forsythe accepts a date with the man who saved her from one of the mutants. This second budding relationship has no effect on the story and indeed is never referenced again, it’s just there. All the other women we meet are either dating or married… although now that I think of it this may be less sexist than it is a way to make a point of Dr. Laird’s single-minded obsession with his work. Everybody else, even scientists, has time to be a human being – but not him.

I should also discuss one more interesting tidbit offered by Smith. He says his people have been watching humanity and studying us basically since we invented ourselves, and they have never interfered before now. Why now? Out of ‘enlightened self-interest’, he says – this is the closest humans have yet come to destroying ourselves, but it’s also the closest we’ve come to being a threat to our extraterrestrial observers. One of Dr. Laird’s experiments, intended to destroy enemy planes, brought down a flying saucer instead! The fact that Smith is willing to admit this suggests that he is extremely confident about the aliens’ ability to strike back if humanity should decided to start shooting down saucers on purpose. The finale then bears this out… although it also left me thinking that the film could have ended very differently if only hacking had been a thing in the fifties!

So yet another instance of good ideas, unexplored and badly executed. Also yet another black and white movie… what is that, six in a row? Yikes. See you in ten days, when I promise I will have something for you in colour. It’ll be like slogging through the beginning of Season Eight and then finally arriving at The Giant Spider Invasion!

#mst3k #reviews #episodes that never were #the strange world of planet x #cosmic monsters #fuck this movie #50s #tw: spiders #giant arthropod hours

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rubyvroom · 4 years ago

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HalloweenFest 2020 begins!

***spoilers abound***

Bloodsucking Bastards - we got about 10 minutes into this and noped out because I hated every single character. Dysfunctional office full of bros is a creative location for a horror film, but too close to my actual life to be entertaining. Sorry Pedro Pascal, I could not hang on long enough for you to show up.

Apollo 18 - very faithfully follows the found footage formula, just on the moon. Still, the idea of the alien creatures was pretty fun, and the footage was done rather well.

Phantasm - movies in this era are very hit and miss for me. Surprisingly, I loved this. Don’t get me wrong, it was definitely budgeted with the 75 cents someone dug out of their couch and it doesn’t do things like “have continuity” or “make sense” except for the way all the sequels worked very hard to make it so, but I’m planning to stop at just this one so it can exist as this weird nightmare artifact in my brain. No lore needed. Just flying surgical balls and short zombies and cool images and dream logic.

Scarecrows - I did not enjoy this whatsoever, which makes Mr. X sad. I can’t even say why I loved Ready or Not and hated this, when they are at least equally gruesome. Something about tone and cruelty and having at least one human being worth rooting for. The setup and the scarecrow idea were inventive though?

I'm Thinking About Ending Things - this was for Mr. X the equivalent of how Scarecrows was for me. He liked it, but the parts that were meant to be painful were really, really making him suffer. Whereas I was like : this is AWFUL i LOVE it the whole time. Toni Collette is as usual the MVP. It is a very frustrating movie. It will live in my head rent-free for weeks.

Cabin In The Woods - Ive finally seen it. The internet ruined all the good jokes. And my tolerance for stock Whedon characters is a LOT lower than it once was. But the concept is still good and its very entertainingly executed. Not scary, but some good thoughts about sacrifice and horror (I mean, the ancient ones are us, right?)

The Haunting of Bly Manor - This was 0% scary but very enjoyable anyway as a gothic romance in the very traditional sense that the characters are all terrible or ghosts or terrible ghosts or else in love with ghosts or in love with people possessed by terrible ghosts and basically everyone is cockblocked to eternity but they are very pretty doing it. They dropped a couple story threads at the end in a way that made me insane and Mike Flanagan has yet to really stick a landing but overall great October vibes. Made me want to stare out over a moor in a white nightgown, grade A.

The Wailing - This was a very good, very scary Korean movie. I feel like I am missing some major cultural context to really understand it. There is something fascinatingly unsettling about the rhythm of Korean movies which is clearly not remotely based on the structure of American movies, and in a horror film that’s tremendously effective for a western viewer even if it’s harder to make sense of the plot. Also the actress who played the little girl was fantastically unnerving.

Mandy - We watched the first 10 minutes of Mandy before concluding this deserves better than the shitty download we were watching. It was too small on our screen and too dark, and the visuals on this demand to be watched properly. I’m ordering this DVD and we’ll watch it soon.

Seoul Station -- Animated prequel to Train to Busan (which we enjoyed very much). It’s very well animated and the action is terrific. Probably the best pure-horror animated film I’ve seen yet. Creepy and tense. Has some very pointed social commentary. The ending left a bad taste (I didn’t think the bed scene was necessary, it was gratuitous) but overall very good.

Near Dark -- 80′s movie about vampires that came out the same year as Lost Boys and was largely overshadowed despite being much better. Less fun, but better. It swings wildly between “being a vampire is no fun -- oh no wait it totally is!!! -- oh no wait it’s very much not” in the bloodiest way possible. Bill Paxton at his Bill Paxtonest, Lance Hendrick being the coolest, Adrian Pasdar being very very young and everybody looking great in a cowboy vampire nightmare that I can’t believe I never watched until now.

Hush - This one was a little frustrating because I’m not real into home invasion movies and it was a little inconsistent in the main character’s awareness as a deaf woman but I’ll admit, I really hated that smug red-pill-looking killer and it was satisfying as hell to see him get his in the end.

MANDY - We probably didn’t need another woman in a refrigerator movie, but if we were going to throw out all of the other “man goes on a crazy rampage to avenge his girlfriend” movies and keep just one of them, we should keep this one. It was pretty rad. (Which is to say it is my favorite of the 2020 batch of Halloween movies, damn if I could tell you why though)

#going to pin this #so I can keep adding things #every year I allow Mr. X to select any horror films he wants and I will watch it #for the whole month of October #he would watch horror every day of the year but I have a limited appetite

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nataliedanovelist · 5 years ago

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GF - Beauty Within the Fallen ch.VI

Summary: Two misfit twins come across an enchanted castle, home of a mysterious beast, and slowly begin to form a strong bond that just might survive through anything. Even evil demons.

AU and artwork belong to the beautiful and very talented @artsycrapfromsai. Go give her some love, guys!!!

ch.V - ch.VII

~~~~~~~~~~

The next few days were wonderful. The journal, the beast, and the two children grew closer and closer, becoming good friends. While the children enjoyed including Ford in all things possible, reading and drawing with him, they had a special bond with Stan. So many times the journal watched as the beast played in the snow, making snow angels and snowmen with Dipper and Mabel, or witnessed them playing chess, or heard of their times together from Stan himself, and Ford was so very happy for Stan. Maybe after all these years, he will finally believe he wasn’t a monster.

Stan was always good with kids, but the twins were special. Mabel knitted him the promised red sweater within two days and even blessed it with a kiss, as was tradition. Stan bit his lip and put it on under his cloak and wore it proudly all day, only taking it off in fear of ripping it or ruining it. The evening of their first snowball fight, Stan joined the children at the table and was so hungry that he had forgotten his little secret and buried his face into his soup like an animal, leaving his silverware abandoned by his bowl and making a mess. He suddenly stopped, embarrassed, and grumpily wiped his dripping, furry chin with his knuckles. Dipper and Mabel, however, were not disturbed or digested, as he had predicted they would be. Dipper only smiled at him (he had assumed this was how a canine-like creature would eat) and Mabel grinned and picked up her bowl. “Yeah! Who needs spoons?!” And she drank her soup from the soul with a smile. Dipper did the same. Stan grinned, wiped himself clean, and picked up his bowl and lapped it. The spoons stood up, huffed and stuck their heads up high, and left the dining hall. The next day, in front of the fire as Dipper read a new book out-loud and Mabel worked on an orange sweater, it happened again. Stan made a hostile comment about his appearance. His tone was casual and even a little comedic, but his vocabulary was dark and unappreciated by the children. They exchanged looks before Mabel finally decided to say something. “Stan, I really don’t like that m-word.” “What? Might?” “No,” Mabel laid her knitting down on her lap and gave him a firm yet gentle look; it reminded Stan of his mother. “You’re not… It’s not… I… It’s not what’s on the outside that counts, it’s what’s on the inside!” Mabel finally settled on. “And you’re full of giant, sparkly, dusty, mushy piles of gold!” “Yeah man,” Dipper injected. “Aside from a few hiccups, you’ve been nothing but nice to us. Don’t put yourself down like that. You’re not a monster.” He added firmly. “Not to mention cute and fluffy! Mabel added, ruffling the gray fur on his arm. “For what it’s worth, we think you’re pretty awesome.” Stan was stunned. He swallowed a lump in his throat and turned his head away, trying to hide a sniff as he wiped at his eye. “Aw, Stan,” Mabel cooed. “Dude, are you crying?” Dipper asked with a smile and a raised eyebrow. “No, I’ve just got something in my eye, that’s all.” Stan grumbled. “Staff’s gotten lazy with the dusting. Wish they did as good a job as you kids with that ballroom.” Mabel and Dipper, who weren’t fooled, smiled with pride, having just finished the ballroom today, and they resumed their activities in peace. Later that evening, when Stan recalled the event as he prepared for bed, Ford laughed (or laughed as much as a journal can). I’ve been telling you the same thing for years. Stan can practically hear his brother’s know-it-all tone. “Yeah, well, it’s different when those two kids say it.” Stan snapped. “They’re not blood.” Uh-huh. “Shut up, Sixer.” ~~~~~~~~~~ Dipper tested the pulley system again while Mabel hitched Waddles up. There was a huge washing well in the castle, and though the servants would have been happy to do laundry, the twins wanted to test their invention in peace; they never did get to see if it was truly better than hand-washing. Mabel laid a trail of corn around the well and Waddles trotted along happily, then the kids sat with a book and waited. Rather than Dipper reading, he had Mabel read in order to practice, none of them having to hear someone coming along and stopping a girl from learning. The clothes inside the barrel were spinning and getting soapy. Dipper and Mabel smiled at that and resumed their reading. Their invention seemed to be working. A soft knock on the door interrupted them and Stan walked into the shack. “Hey kids, just wanted… Holy Moses! What is that?” The beast asked as he looked at the odd contraption. “It’s our washing machine!” Mabel cheered. “Dipper invented it…” “Don’t even try, Mabel.” Dipper teased and lightly shoved her by the shoulder. “It was your idea, I just helped you make it real.” “Wow.” Stan bent his knees and watched the clothes turn and clean themselves in the barrel as Waddles pulled it along the well. “That’s really impressive, kids. Really. Just… wow.” “So,” Dipper said hesitantly. “You don’t think it’s weird?” “Are you kidding? It’s super weird, but weird’s a good thing. I’ve never seen anything like it! It’s unique!” Stan ruffled their hair and smiled kindly down at them. “I’m proud of you little geniuses. You did good. You know what, we should make this a permanent thing, make all the laundry go by faster.” As Mabel smiled, her bottom lip trembled. Dipper looked away with a red face. Apart from Fiddleford, no one had ever praised one of he and Mabel’s inventions. For the first time in his life, Dipper didn’t feel a freak for being himself. ~~~~~~~~~~ Stan was admiring the ballroom again. Those kids did a good job with it. It sparkled and shined like a huge diamond. It looked more lively than it looked in thirty years. Everyone here felt more alive than they had felt in thirty years. Tapping noises could be heard as Soos hopped up to Stan. “Sup, boss?” “Just thinking.” “Ah.” Soos hopped up onto the piano and smiled at Melody, who smiled back, before drawing their attention back to the master of this castle. “Soos, Melody, I’m sorry.” “Oh,” Melody sighed. “It’s alright. It’ll all be over soon, you’ll see, sir. Once the kids’ guardian takes them home they’ll help you find a nice girl that will break the spell.” Stan snorted with a half-smile. “I don’t think that’s gonna work, but I guess you miss all the shots you don’t take.” His ear flickered. He lifted his head. “Hear that?” Soos and Melody listened, but heard nothing. Stan left the ballroom and listened. His advanced hearing picked up… groaning? Punching? Cautious, Stan followed the sound to the old chophouse in the garden. He opened it to find Dipper alone in there, but he was punching a makeshift dummy made out of wood. Stan watched as Dipper’s noodle arms launched little, uncoordinated fists at a t-shaped wooden figure. He smiled and shook his head before emerging from behind the door. “I thought you said you didn’t wanna fight.” Dipper jumped, short of breath, but when he saw Stan he relaxed and kicked the hay-covered floor. “That’s not what I said. I just don’t wanna join the army like all the other boys at school. I still wanna learn how to fight.” “Why?” “Cuz Mabel needs me to!” Dipper snapped. Stan gave him a funny look, a look he couldn’t quite pin as a warning or sympathetic, so Dipper sat against the wall of the shack and explained himself. “I can’t go off to war because Mabel needs me here. If I went away and never came back she would be heartbroken. She can’t lose anything else, she just can’t. She already lost Mom and Dad and Grandpa, if she lost me, her twin, she’d… she’d…” The twelve-year-old rested his forehead on his folded arms and tried to compose himself. “I can’t lose her either. That’s why I have to learn how to fight. We almost died, twice. She needs me to be able to look after her.” “Sounds to be it’s more like you need her. You need to make sure she’s okay.” Stan concluded. Dipper sighed. “Yeah.” Stan smiled and bent his knees to be closer to the boy. “Look, kid, trust me, I might not know much, but I do know a thing or two about twins. You two need each other equally, trust me. Don’t you dare think for a second that’s not true. Also, I think knowing where you’re needed most is a huge part of what being a man is, and right now you’re the best at it I know.” Dipper lifted his head and stared up at the beast, whose eyes sparkled warmly. He smiled and said, “Thanks, Stan.” “Anyways,” He stood up straight and motioned for Dipper to do the same. “Wood makes a crummy opponent. If you really wanna learn, I’ll teach you how to fight.” Dipper stood up and accepted the offer, and so Stan taught him how to give a good punch and dodge pretty well. ~~~~~~~~~~ Mabel was laughing over a story Ford had just written for her. They were having fun together, drawing pictures, playing games, and telling stories. A fun game to play was one they made up where Ford would have Mabel give him a collection of words and he would make up a story from such words. Since he found Dipper far more relatable, Ford was happy to bond with Mabel and get to know her better. She seemed lost in thought as she looked away, and Ford patiently waited for an explanation why. “Ford,” Mabel said quietly. “Fiddleford said books don’t lie; is that true?” Ford’s soul smiled warmly. This book certainly doesn’t lie. What is troubling you, my dear? “Can you see me?” Yes. “Am I ugly?” If Ford had a heart, it would have skipped a beat. Mabel mustered enough courage to look at him and was surprised to see the words not as elegantly printed like before. What makes you ask such a question? Mabel sighed and looked down at her hands in her lap. “Back in my village, there’s a lot of cute boys. Dipper calls me boy-crazy. I used to ask out a lot of guys, I mean, if you want something go and get it, but more and more just laughed at me. Called me a freak for liking to invent and read books. Said my cheeks were too fat and my teeth are too crooked and my hair is too greasy and…” Mabel’s voice cracked and failed her. Mabel, read what I have to say very carefully. Ford instructed. Mabel wiped her stinging eyes to see better. You are the most beautiful thing I have seen in thirty years. You are very beautiful, both inside and out. No one is as kind as you, nor as insightful and delightful to be around. You - and your brother, too, for that matter - have made me feel more alive that I have ever felt, even as a human. So don’t you dare think for one moment that you’re ugly or that something is wrong with you. Mabel’s bottom-lip trembled. Tears rolled down her cheeks and she mumbled, “C-C-Can I h-hug y-y-you?” She only asked because when she hugged the closed book, Ford would be unable to talk. Please do. Mabel carefully closed the journal and hugged him like a teddy bear. Mabel cried, spilling about everything. Not just about the insults, but over the loss of her parents, over Grandpa Shermie’s death, over being lost and scared and possibly never seeing Fiddleford again. Mabel tried not to cry on Ford’s pages, but she noticed a drop falling into the book when she began to pull away and she quickly flicked through the pages to try to find her mistake. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” She cried. On a page, Ford quickly wrote, Don’t be sorry. Water does not damage me the way it does other books. I know you must be tired of reading this, but you just reminded me of Stanley. Mabel wiped her nose on her sleeve. “I did?” He used to cry on my open pages, ashamed and overcome with guilt. Still does sometimes. I do not mind; on the contrary, I am glad to be able to wipe your tears away. Mabel smiled, but still cried. She laid the journal open on the table and laid her little head on him, like he was a pillow, as she continued to cry. Out of the corner of her eye, the girl saw more comforting words on the pages. Don’t you worry, my dear. One day a boy will come along and have great interest in you and treat you right. “Th-There’s one boy,” Mabel whimpered, thinking of Gideon, “But he’s creepy. I told him I don’t like him and he won’t quit asking me out.” Shall I tell Stanley and send him in this boy’s direction? Mabel hiccuped a laugh. “N-No, that’s okay.” Regardless, one day your own prince will meet you and love you and love every part of you. Mabel cried a little harder, spilling more tears on the pages that were instantly soaked away. He and Stan were such amazing friends. She would do anything for them. “Don’t worry. I’ll help you and Stan break the curse.” She wept. “And when you’re human again, I give you lots of hugs and wipe away your tears.” Ford’s next words were very scraggly and a little hard to read. That would be lovely. ~~~~~~~~~~ The next day, Mabel was in the ballroom. She and Dipper were done cleaning, but she decided that she should sweep one more time, just in case. As she did, Melody played a soft tune while the girl sang a made-up song. “They'll be human again, oh yes human again, when a girl finally sets them all free. Cheeks a-blooming again, they're assuming again, they'll resume their long-lost joie de vivre. They'll be playing again, holidaying again, and we're praying it's ASAP. They’ll push and they’ll shove, they will all fall in love and finally be human again!” Mabel was soon dancing around with her broom, tapping her shoes and singing and having fun. Dipper and Stan, having just finished another fighting lesson, found her and were amused. Mabel ended with a dip of her broom and said, “Thanks.” “Don’t mention it.” The broom said and hopped away. “Nice to see this room being put to good use.” Stan quipped. “Hey!” Mabel said, getting an idea. “Why don't we use it?! We worked so hard to make it nice, what if we dressed up after dinner and had a dance party together! We can sing and dance together, it’ll be fun!” Stan chuckled and shook his head. “Sweetie, you do not want to hear this voice singing, trust me.” “Aw, c’mon,” Mabel begged. “How about it, Dip-Dip? Am I a genius or what?” “More like or what.” Dipper teased and then had to endure a punch on the shoulder. “But yeah, I think that sounds like fun.” “OH! We can even wear fancy clothes! We are in a castle! It’ll be so much fun! And I bet Ford would want to come!” “You’re crazy, kids,” Stan laughed, but smiled down at them with his hands on his hips. “But I like your gumption.” “I don’t know what that word means, but thank you.” “Alright, alright,” The beast smiled with twinkling eyes and asked, “You want a dance, you’ve got one! We could all use one. Tell Grenda to make you two clothes fit for a prince and princess, and after dinner we’ll all come back here for a dance.” The kids cheered and jumped around, high-fiving and running off to tell Grenda. Stan smiled proudly and left to get ready as well. Grenda wasn’t the only one busy that day. It seemed like all the servants were encouraged by the small makeshift party to make the castle look better. Soos and Wendy worked together to gather a team together to clean the whole castle from top to bottom. Candy had the kitchen fix a delicious meal and Grenda and her girls put forth their best effort for the new clothes. Even Pacifica the mirror found it in here to compliment the kids’ appearances. “Not bad, peasants. You clean up nice.” A dance. Ford wrote while Stan dried his fur, having just emerged from the tub. What a wonderful idea! You always were - dare I say it - a party animal. “Sweet Lord, Sixer,” Stan grumbled as he shook his long gray hair dry with a towel, his muscular chest exploded, free from his usual shirt. “It wasn’t even my idea, it was the kids’.” Stan about to disappear to get dressed, but he read his brother’s message first. Those children mean a lot to you, don’t they? Stan smiled softly and disappeared behind his cover for privacy. “Kinda a stupid question for a genius to ask, but yeah. Yeah, they’re good kids. It’ll… it’ll be hard to say goodbye.” Goodbye? What do you mean? When Stan peeked and saw those words, he sighed and said darkly, “Face it, Ford. Those kids won’t be around much longer. Soon enough that Fiddlenerd guy or whatever is gonna find them and take them home where they belong. They’ll finally be with their family again.” Ford’s pages were blank for awhile as Stan slowly got dressed. For being the “smart” twin, he had failed to think that far ahead. Stanley, they’ll come back. When Stan emerged, fully dressed in all but his top red coat, he shook his head at his brother’s words. “I doubt it. It’s dangerous in the woods. Once they leave they might never find this place again. I’m sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but you should enjoy having them around while we’ve got a chance.” The sounds of Soos’ approach ended the conversation prematurely. “The little dudes are ready, dudes.” The hammer informed. “Thanks, Soos.” Stan said and picked up Ford and closed him. “Brave faces, Sixer.” Stan stood at the bottom of the stairs with Ford in his right arm and against his chest, his left tucked behind him. He was having a deja vu moment from standing to greet guests of the parties back in the day. Stan could hear giggling from the kids as they readied themselves, and soon walked down, the boy leading the girl. Stan’s jaw dropped, showing his sharp teeth. Dipper had left his hat behind, his hair just long enough to be tied back with a blue ribbon. He wore a strapping blue suit with gold trim, much like Stan’s suit (except his won was red), and he smiled proudly at his sister, at his right arm. Mabel grinned down at her friends, standing in a beautiful pink gown, definitely Grenda’s finest piece of work to date. She had short sleeves that fell off her shoulders and the dress ruffled pleasantly, just the right height. What’s more, her headband was gone and she wore a back-crown of pink flowers that matched her dress. Ford could feel Stan’s chest swelling with pride. Stan smiled as the kids walked down the stairs, and when they touched the floor, Stan bowed to them. Mabel and Dipper let go of each other and bowed low respectfully at their hosts. Then they all burst into giggles over the sophisticated nature and hurried to the ballroom. Not only Melody the piano, but every musical instrument in the castle was playing for the small party. Stan put Ford on a musician’s stand, open, so he could see and talk. Mabel took Dipper by both hands and they began to waltz together. Stan blinked in pleasant marvel that peasants could dance so well without any formal instruction. Holding hands rather than hips and arms, they laughed and spun. Mabel even lifted their held hands and spun Dipper. Stan laughed and Mabel skipped to him and grabbed his paws. “C’mon, don’t hug the wall!” She giggled and pulled him further onto the dancefloor. Stan waltzed with Mabel, Dipper smiling and watching. He was nervous at first, but the kids melted his worries away and Stan happily led Mabel in a dance. Soon she broke away and Dipper hopped in, both men unashamed to dance together. Then Mabel and Dipper danced. The trio were judging each other, taking turns, and then at the climax of the song they all held hands in a circle and spun and twirled until Stan hoisted them up and sat them on his shoulders. They laughed as the music stopped and they could see Ford writing. Bravo! Magnifique! Bravo, Dipper and Mabel! Well done, Stanley! “Another one!” Mabel cheered as the band of self-playing instruments began to play again. Stan put her and Dipper down and Mabel rushed to Ford, tenderly picking him up and closing him. “Here, you should have a turn, too.” Mabel bowed to the book and then hugged him close to her chest and did a simple two-step with him, not wanting to risk any pages flying out or dropping him. Stan smiled at the girl dancing with his brother and he called, “Looking great, pumpkin!” “Thanks!” Mabel replied. Stan took Dipper’s hands and they danced, this time more crazy and less traditional. Stan even showed the boy his favorite cocky-dance and Dipper laughed and did it, too. For another hour, the party went on. Ford was mostly placed on the music-stand, explaining he liked it best to watch, and soon Mabel’s feet ached and Dipper was short of breath. All of them hot and sweaty, they went out to the huge balcony with Ford to cool down. Stan sat Ford on the polished stone and Dipper and Mabel sat with them, smiling with red cheeks. “Having fun, knuckleheads?” Stan asked. “Yeah,” Mabel breathed with a smile. “Thank you so much! We always have so much fun with you.” Stan ignored the heat in his face by changing the subject. “Who taught you two how to dance, anyway?” “Fiddleford.” Mabel said. “I used to step on his toes a lot and Dip-Dip here had no rhythm.” And she gently elbowed him. Stan, on the other hand, noticed how withdrawn Dipper was and how he was looking out at the forest below them. “What’s the matter, kid?” He asked gently. Dipper didn’t want to ruin the fun, but something heavy was on his heart. He gave Stan a sorrowful look and said, “I miss him. I just wish… I wish we knew if he was okay.” Mabel sagged a little, like a flower with no water, and took his hand. Stan’s ears drooped and he looked away, thinking about the situation. Maybe he should try to find Fiddleford again… wait. ��I think I know just the guy that can help.” And he smiled down at the journal. “Ford?” Dipper asked. “Can you tell us where Fiddleford is?” Stan opened the journal. No. The kids were crestfallen again. “Oh.” But I can show you. Ford wrote, searching. Look at my hand. Stan closed the journal and the golden six-fingered hand shined before showing a reflection of Fiddleford. The kids gasped in horror as he was huddled by an old tree, coughing hoarsely, pale and freezing in the snow with a broken arm. Mabel’s eyes instantly filled with tears. “Fiddleford! Oh no! He needs help!” “What do we do?!” Dipper asked. Stan had no idea what to do. He opened the journal for an answer and found a map being drawn on a page. On the opposite page, words formed. This will show you the way to your guardian. Take it. “We can’t rip…” But before Dipper could finish, the page fell out of the journal and onto the floor. Ford had intentionally drawn it on the page he could feel falling out. Go. Was the only word left, and it did not fade away. Dipper folded the map and pocketed it in his coat. Stan looked down at Ford, doing some quick thinking. Stan saw no possible way of breaking the curse. No one would ever love Stan. The kids were about to leave and they were never coming back. If he couldn’t break the curse, maybe he could set Ford free, even if it meant they would never see each other again. Stan closed the book and held him out to the children. “Here. Take Stanford with you.” The kids stared at the journal, the golden hand twinkling in the moonlight. “What?!” Mabel shook her head. “We can’t do that! You’re a family, and family sticks together!” “Take him,” Stan said firmly. “You three should have each other. You can always look back and remember me, if you want to.” “No!” Mabel shook her head. “We won’t have to, cuz we’ll see you again! Soon! Once Fiddleford is okay, we’ll come visit you!” “Yeah man,” Dipper jumped in. “What are you acting like it’s goodbye for? We’ll see each other again, don’t worry. Come on, sis, let’s save Fiddleford.” Mabel ran with Dipper away to go save their only family left. Stan watched them go, his brother in his hands. He wasn’t sure what to believe. ~~~~~~~~~~ Gideon pounded the bed with his little chubby fists before settling down. It wasn’t fair! Crazy Old Man McGucket nearly got everyone in town lost in the woods and was now missing, too, all for nothing! Mabel was out there, probably ran away, and Gideon had no way to get to her! The whole thing was stupid, stupid, stupid! The ten-year-old soon relaxed, exhausted from the work, and fell asleep. It was a starry night sky, nothing more, nothing less. Gideon looked around and froze when a collection of stars made a triangle constellation. The constellation shined bright and in a flash appeared a triangle with one eye, a top hat and a bowtie, twirling a cane. “Well, well, Short Stack,” It said to the boy. “Having a little lady trouble, huh?” At once, Gideon’s fears were gone when he thought this thing might actually listen to him. “Yes! Mabel loves me, but something’s always been in the way!” “Right you are, but don’t worry, kid.” The triangle said. “I know exactly where she is! Get this, she and her brother were kidnapped by a dangerous monster, a ferocious beast, in the woods. The castle’s haunted and nearly impossible to find, but you’re destined to take this ugly beast down and save your damsel in distress.” “I KNEW IT!” Gideon cheered and punched the air. “Where’s my marshmallow?!” “Hold it, let’s shake on it, first.” Bill said and held out a hand that was engulfed in blue flames. “If I help you, you gotta agree to help me later in return.” “Deal.” And Gideon shook his hand. When Gideon woke up, in the same hand he shook, was a map as clear as a bell on how to find the monster. He snorted a laugh and got up to gather an angry mob.

~~~~~~~~~~

Author’s Note: Aw, geez. Lots to say. First off, can you imagine how PISSED I was not only that the live-action movie didn’t have Human Again, but on Disney+ that scene is deleted too! I might be the only one, but I LOVE that whole cleaning musical number and seeing Belle help Beast re-learn how to read. (I decided not to do that since Stan’s been practicing reading for over thirty years.) So, yeah, I put the song in here and adjusted it a bit. And yes, the twins cleaning the ballroom was forever foreshadowing, not just the dancing scene, but what the kids were doing to their new friends.

I wanted to give both kids what we were deprived of in the canon GF show: Dipper and Stan bonding and Ford and Mabel bonding. Yes, we got Boyz Crazy and the Last Mabelcorn, but I’m greedy and say that’s not enough. Also, Mabel’s dress, according to @artsycrapfromsai, is supposed to be a fusion of her dress in the Northwest Manor and Belle’s dress, which I LOVE! (plz will someone draw it)

And now… yeah, I guess I can’t talk much about the cliffhanger without getting spoilery, huh? All I’ll stress is how many of the townsfolk were tired and cold and frustrated over the failed rescue mission when Gideon was throwing his little tantrum and that factor may play in later. Like why it takes so long to gather up a mob.

#GF #gravity falls #ford pines #stan pines #dipper pines #mabel pines #dance #beauty within the fallen #batb au #fanfiction #ballroom #waltz #oops i did it again #i played with your heart #got lost in this fanfic #im not that innocent #now who's ready to cry?!

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jlf23tumble · 4 years ago

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diggin’ deeper

I was tagged by @promisethatillnevertell, and it’s day three of a metric shit-tonne of work, I need a break, so I’m gonna bore everyone accordingly! I’ll tag @alienfuckeronmain, @newleafover, @got2ghost, @vibey-lesbian, @kerasines, @statementsue, @pattern-pals, @setsailtomorrow, @dulcimerharry, @calmrry and anyone else who wants to! And yeah, LONG, oops!

1. Do you prefer writing with a black pen or blue pen? Blue

2. Would you prefer to live in the country or city? City (I grew up in country)

3. If you could learn a new skill what would it be? Too many, but probably fluency in at least three languages and/or the ability to draw

4. Do you drink your tea/coffee with sugar? NO

5. What was your favourite book as a child? The creepy Time-Life series of books on unusual phenomena that my aunt had

6. Do you prefer baths or showers? Showers, the water roar is incredibly soothing

7. If you could be a mythical creature, which one would it be? Loch Ness monster (I really enjoy Scotland, okay?)

8. Paper or electronic books? Paper

9. What is your favourite item of clothing? Anything with roomy pockets

10. Do you like your name or would you like to change it? It’s incredibly generic, but nah, wouldn’t change it! You gotta live with and own it!

11. Who is a mentor to you? The whole mentor/mentee dynamic is inherently flawed because it puts the mentor on some kind of god-like pedestal, while the mentee just laps it up, but there are plenty of people (real and fake-real) who give off that inspiration sensation

12. Would you like to be famous and if so, what for? NO

13. Are you a restless sleeper? Very much so

14. Do you consider yourself a romantic person? Absolutely!

15. Which element best represents you? Water

16. Who do you want to be closer to? Dunno, I’m not one to pine silently, I tend to throw myself in and get chatty if I’m interested in being closer

17. Do you miss someone at the moment? In this quarantined economy? Very much so, yes, and very many!

18. Tell us about an early childhood memory. One of my aunts lives in Alaska, and I remember we flew up there when I was really young one summer--I could not wrap myself around it being so light all night! Who can sleep like that??

19. What is the strangest thing you have eaten? My grandma was big on making really fucked-up, very white lady, 1950s-style jello salads, like, literally lettuce and carrots and tomatoes encased in jello (topped with mayo “dressing”)

20. What are you most thankful for? Friends and family!

21. Do you like spicy food? YES, and with it being so hot lately, I’m craving the spicy cold noodles I tend to get this time of year with a friend up in Koreatown

22. Have you ever met someone famous? I’ve met tons of famous people, but I’ve only hugged Jeff Goldblum and Orville Peck (separate occasions, of course)

23. Do you do you keep a diary or journal? No, not since middle school (and that was a disaster, so never again)

24. Do you prefer to use a pen or a pencil? Pen

25. What is your star sign? Pisces

26. Do you like your cereal soggy or crunchy? Crunchy

27. What would you want your legacy to be? That I made someone someone laugh when they needed it most

28. Do you like reading, what was the last book you read? I LOVE READING, I love it so much I get paid to do it, lmao, but the last book I read for fun is something I’m still midway through, Mindy Kaling’s “Why Not Me”

29. How do you show someone you love them? I gift them with weird things I think they’ll like (either IRL or virtually)

30. Do you like ice in your drinks? Yep!

31. What are you afraid of? Flying

32. What is your favourite scent? The ocean

33. Do you address older people by their name or surname? Uh, what? Their name!! What, I’m just gonna be some kind of jock who says, “Hey, Jones!”

34. If money was not a factor, how would you live your life? I’d have homes dotted around the world, preferably near friends and family, and I’d visit a lot; when I wasn’t traveling, I’d probably volunteer and/or work on my fluency and drawing skills

35. Do you prefer swimming in pools or the ocean? Pools (I’ve been pulled under too many times in the ocean)

36. What would you do if you found £50 on the ground? If someone’s frantically scanning for it, fork it over, if not, keep half/donate half

37. Have you ever seen a shooting star? Did you make a wish? I always feel like shooting stars are errant meteors, and I’ve seen too many Russian dashcams to think that what’s hurling toward earth is a good thing

38. What is the one thing you would want to teach your children? To be aware of their privilege and to use it to help people instead of being an asshole

39. If you had to have a tattoo, what would it be and where would you get it? “Had to,” please, I have some! And I want more, same place (upper arms)

40. What can you hear now? Various nocturnal trash animals getting up for the night shift, low hum of the ceiling fan, one or two cars

41. Where do you feel the safest? My mom’s house

42. What is the one thing you want to overcome/conquer? Giving in to self-indulgence, especially if it’s based on something petty or useless

43. Of you could travel back to any era, what would it be? Too many to choose! Most of them equally good/bad!

44. What is your most used emoji? I’m on desktop, bb, can’t help ya!

45. Describe yourself using one word. What?

46. What do you regret the most? Things I either said or didn’t say

47. Last movie you saw? New movie? Probably Star Wars whatever. Old movie? Mildred Pierce (because i rewatched a parody of it called Mildred Fierce and wanted to rewatch the source material)

48. Last tv show you watched? Does the Untamed count as a tv show? It feels like a mini series, but I’m watching that (just finished the 2019 Great British Bakeoff and have a lot of Feelings about it, if you mean something more TV tv)

49. Invent a word and it’s meaning. Chard...a mix of ketchup and mustard

#tag games #this was actually fairly relaxing #long post

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blackmaylovesfries · 5 years ago

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MX Powers Part 2 - 1st Question

Asked: Yes, by @babybee05, my darling!

Words: 1904

Sinopse: “How do they discover their powers & what are their individual powers” - So, this one-shot explains more about the boys’ species and what exactly are their powers and what they do.

Notices: I’m not well versed in Fairy Canon Universe so I mostly invented here. Hope I didn’t offended anyone! Also, if you have any advice, I’ll take it! Also, this isn’t really a one-shot since I had to do a lot of explanations so it got more like a topic post… Sorry to disappoint…

Masterpost

URGENT - BIRTHDAY POLL - Wonho’s B-Day is getting closer, help me!

- Kihyun:

Kihyun is a fire fairy. He and his family are from the biggest city from the Fire Clan and always lived a good life. When he was 8 years old he started to manifest his gift: Intense Five Senses. It may not sound impressive but it was actually the reason he was able to be the main vocal from Monsta X.

In the Fire Clan, the kids would be sent to the Imperial School, where they would learn about history and how to live in the clan until they were divided by their power nature to be trained more specifically. Kihyun spent 3 years at that “manners stage”, like old fire fairies call it. Everything is quite intense at that clan, that include education.

His family were already super intense, the reunions were always crazy and fun.Just like their fights were vicious, their love were stronger than anything. Kihyun surely doesn’t fall far from the tree, he liked the spotlight and when his house was full of friends and noise, even if it wasn’t him making the noise.

When he first manifested the Intense Five Senses, Kihyun was at home for a holiday. he and his mother were talking about the school while the woman was cooking. Till this day none of them can explain exactly what happened but on one second Kihyun was talking about his new friend and at the other he was at the ground.

Since then he was forbidden at the family kitchen. Well… Until he was able to control it because as soon he was able to not pass out everytime he smelled human curry he developed a great cooking skill that none of his relatives could help but to beg for him to take charge of the place. He was actually really great when it comes to mixtures and fairy culinary.

His power is actually simple but incredible. His five senses were intensified so every sensation you receive from this world he receive it 4 to 10 times stronger. Not only that but he also can make other beings feel that amplified sensations. Like how you hear his voice and see his performance.

As he grown, Kihyun were able to control how his power affected him and how it affected others. That’s why he developed the taste for cooking and doing house chores, he was able to tell when the smallest thing is wrong in the ambient and guess what combination of flavors would be better for people like Jooheon that can’t eat everything all the time.

His power is also why he was able to be the ‘mother’ of the group, since his super senses make him quite sensible to humor changes. Besides that he could experiment things and know almost instantly how the public would receive it. Kihyun was definitely surprised when Monbebe started to just kinda of love everything he did on stage.

Ƹ̴Ӂ̴Ʒ

- Hyungwon:

Sweet Hyungwon is a water fairy. He and his family lived at a river inside the country, only having contact with others twice or thrice a year. Not that it matter since they were a happy family, always taking care of each other and having one night guests staying in their house.

Usually there were travelers that needed a place to stay in Hyungwon’s house. His parents were careful but they loved to hear the stories that the travelers told them. It was rare for his house to be empty. That was how Hyungwon discovered his gift at 11 years old.

He was busy the whole day, picking flowers and playing with his younger sibling so he wasn’t home until nightfall. Only then he discovered that his parents had a new guest. Well… an old one actually. That human had being with them a couple of times already and he was super kind to all of them. This time he was going to stay for a week with them.

The traveler had already even adapted to the family’s routine so they didn’t needed to adjust to him staying there. But this time there was something different. The human was sick. Actually it was just a cold but it was enough for influencing Hyungwon. He started to get drowsy every time he got near the man and his noise really hurted at the time.

When he complained to his father, the adult fairy took Hyungwon to a fairy doctor. It was a surprise when the doctor said that Hyungwon was super healthy and there was no problem at all. That made his father think that maybe he had developed the Healing Heart, a gift that would allow him to cure anyone he chooses to.

So, after leaving the doctor’s house, the duo of father and son went to the Big Water Fairy Library that were less than 30 minutes far from their house… Water fairies were really weird… Anyway, they found a book that helped young fairies to learn how to manipulate the Healing Heart. His father brought him and the book back and helped him to develop even more.

This gift was as pure and good as the name given. The Healing Heart really allows it’s user to heal others as they wish. But for the healing really be effective, Hyungwon needs to form a tie with the creature he wants to heal. Like a real tie. That’s why nowadays there are few peoples who are really healed by him: Monsta X and his blood family only actually.

The down side of it is that the user actually receive the pain they are healing. Like when Hyungwon is healing a cold, instead of the creature feeling pain or being uncomfortable Hyungwon will feel all of it. That’s also why he sleeps a lot, it helps his own body heal itself.

Ƹ̴Ӂ̴Ʒ

- Jooheon:

Jooheon, like Minhyuk and Shownu, was from the Air Clan. An, again like Minhyuk, his family could turn into an animal. So, unlike Minhyuk now, Jooheon was able to turn into a caramel with black spots cat. That was why his nickname was Honey, his cat form was really like a bee.

His family did have some similar characteristics with Minhyuk’s one, like the incapacity of staying still and the recluse childhood. That’s why he just get really hype when in social situations. Their time to manifest the animal form is also the same, as soon as they can chew solid food.

The particularity of his family is that they are actually really sensible to pain. So they avoid any situations that could have them hurted or even sick. The adults are quick to teach this habit to their child so no one was really found of dangerous plays that cubs are usually down for.

Jooheon came to the human capital to join Monsta X because he didn’t thought about how he could possibly get hurt with rapping. He cried the whole night when he first fell on the dance class… Hyungwon and Kihyun have a lot of problem with he and his fear, they are mostly the ones that are always around him to help.

His cat form often influenced him in humanoid form. He loves to play with soft fabrics and chains that made small noises. Also he was always hot and ready to cuddle with anyone. Although he could be almost 10 meters tall, he could not spare with Wonho, since the oldest didn’t go easy on him like Jooheon’s mother.

His claws are able to cut through almost everything and his roar could be heard from a 40 kilometers diameter. Truly terrifying but his family was teached to fight and put themselves at risk only when their lives or their loved ones were already at risk. So although he avoid pain, he would do anything to protect his loved ones.

Jooheon’s young cat form only reached something about 20 centimeters at tops. Until he reached fairy adulthood, about 20 years old, he would always transform into a little cub everytime his other form appeared. That did not made him have a great childhood even if his parents said to him that that was normal.

He also had a lot of trouble to control his other form so even the slightest pain could make him transform when he was 15 years old. Only when he started to rap and get really into music that his control got better and better until he was able to meet Monbebes and not transform from excitement.

Ƹ̴Ӂ̴Ʒ

- I.M:

Changkyun is a half water fairy, he was half human half fairy. He lived with his family in a small pond near the ocean. That’s why he could actually speak several languages and was quick to learn new things. Near his house was an mermaid village that were always helping travellers to reach mainland. There were always people coming and going so he learned a lot.

That was also why Changkyun was never lonely, even seeing other fairies only once or twice a year. Since he and his family lived far from everything, his mother almost never took him to season meetings besides the extremely officials ones. They didn’t wanted him to suffer so they stayed near a race that simply didn’t care that he was a hybrid.

He was almost 13 when he finally received his gift. His family were euphoric. Although most of the late manifested gifts were ordinary ones, they wanted Changkyun to feel special and equal to his older brother that had developed God’s Rhythm at 5 years old. Not that Kyun cared about it but he is still really thankful for his parents efforts.

When Kyun turned 13, his father took him to the mermaid village, where he could choose a present. Changkyun was looking around, holding his father’s hand, when suddenly he felt a strong sensation of pride. It was not a emotion he would have, not at 13 years old, although he could compare the emotion to when he was able to win a compliment from his father.

So he did a test. Yes, Chang was smart like that. He let go of his father’s hand and noticed that the sensation passed. Then, he took it again and the sensation was back! Smiling and jumping from excitement, Changkyun described to his father what was happening and asked him what he was so proud of. His father laughed and gently said “Of you, growing up to be so shiny.”

Then Chang discovered that he had manifested Absolute Perception. It allowed him to feel the emotions of the creature he touched. Since then, he started to control it enough so no one in this universe could hide their real emotions and intentions from him. He could tell just with a high five if the fan was a true one or not.

That was why he loved Monsta X right away, although they did have prejudice on the beginning he could see that they weren’t bad inside. They just needed time. He also used his talent a lot on tours to take care of his members mental health. He is so close of them now that he just need to be around them to read their emotions.

While when you can control Absolute Perception nobody can hide anything from you, when you are untrained powerful people can actually manipulate the Perception so it can’t say what is true and what is false, so you can be fooled easily if you’re not careful.

❤♫❤♫❤.•*¨`*•..¸♥☼♥¸.•*¨`*•.♫❤♫❤♫❤❤♫❤♫❤.•*¨`*•..¸♥☼♥¸.•*¨`*•.♫❤♫❤♫

Hi!!! So, I hope you enjoyed!!! I also hope that more questions come... If not, maybe I do the one-shots later anyway... Well... Thanks for requesting ( @babybee05 ) and for all of you for reading!

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mistiedwagonfyre · 5 years ago

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M(erry) Monday: Just Some Get to Know You Stuff...

So I got these from moonysmind so I should probably @ them...

@moonysmind-blog

Ok, let's get this party started!

1. Do you prefer writing with black or blue pen?

Blue if I'm writing something, black if I'm outlining a paper. But overall, black pens are my go-to just because I have more of them. I seriously need to stock up on blue pens... Also, who uses a red pen for anything other than corrections just because that's the way they've been taught?

2. Would you prefer to live in the country or the city?

The Country. Or somewhere in the middle. I just feel like I'd be able to manage less people over more people and get to know them more personally. And, let's be honest, the country has gorgeous skies and sprawling fields and meadows. And it feels like you could take a deep breath and just absorb the atmosphere.

3. If you could learn a new skill, what would it be?

Balance. It would help in everything because yours truly is a ball of clumsy fluff.

4. Do you drink your tea or coffee with sugar?

Heh, I drink hot chocolate with marshmallows so...

5. What was your favourite book as a child?

Anything I could get my hands on. I. Love. Books. My favorite series as a kindergartener was the Magic Tree House tho.

6. Do you prefer baths or showers?

Depends on my mood. Baths are for when I've got tons of time to just relax and get my mind off things and showers remind me of rain and I love them too. I take showers more often but that doesn't mean anything.

7. If you could be a mythical creature, which would you choose?

This is a hard one cuz I love all things mystical and magical...

My immediate thought was a dragon but they get killed a lot in the myths and they're almost always stuck guarding something. Then I was like, ok then. What about a phoenix? So ya, I'd be a phoenix. Don't get me wrong, I'd totally go with all the mythical creatures and just cycle through them all, just if I had to choose just one it'd be a phoenix. Maybe, since I'd technically live forever, I could meet every single mythical creature ever. That'd be pwetty cool...

8. Do you prefer reading paper or electronic books?

Paper. It's what I've grown up with. I know, classy me. Also, there is nothing quite like the smell of a new book. Just sayin'.

9. What is your favourite item of clothing?

Punny t-shirts. All I'm gonna say.

10. Do you like your name? Would you ever change it?

Yes. If I had to change it, I'd love to be Reyna or Luna. Otherwise, I'm keeping it.

11. Who is a mentor to you?

Mostly myself. I taught myself to draw, anyhow. If not me, my mom or my newest art teacher or my neighbor.

12. Would you ever want to be famous? If so, what for?

Yes and no. I want to inspire people (whether with art or my quirky personality) but don't want the pressure that popularity and fame brings.

13. Are you a restless sleeper?

If being a night owl counts as restless, then yes. If being a deep sleeper when I am actually asleep doesn't, then no.

14. Do you consider yourself a romantic?

Considering I like guys who are chivalrous and funny... yes?

15. Which element best represents you?

Water. I'm chill until all my suppressed emotions rush out. You can't hold back the ocean forever. And you can't prevent the inevitable: Me being weird. Just ask my sister, she thinks I'm insane (which is probably accurate). Also, I may seem shallow on the surface, but I can actually be very deep sometimes. I could go on and on about my relationship with water, but that's a tale for another time.

16. Who do you want to be closer to?

Everyone. I love strengthening relationships with people. It makes the group stronger as a whole.

17. Do you miss someone at the moment?

Always.

18. Tell us about an early childhood memory.

I'd love too, but then storyteller Mistie will appear and this list will become infinitely longer. You'll have to ask me in my questions tab if you really want to hear one.

19. What is the strangest thing you have eaten?

Can't decide which is weirder: Watermelon with taco seasoning or raw onion with mustard... Both are equally delicious in the summertime at a BBQ.

20. What can you see outside your bedroom window?

A ladder, some rocks, and a dead vole. My old room had a much better view...

21. What are you most thankful for?

My Savior

22. Do you like spicy food?

Not particularly, no.

23. Have you ever met someone famous?

Alex Boyé. He went to a really unsanitary restaurant before he came to our house one time and puked all over our newly waxed floors. I feel bad for him. Everyone but him knew not to eat at that runofthemill A&W on the way up. He still put on a mini concert for us tho and that was pretty considerate of him, because he did it even though he can't have felt like doing it.

24. Do you keep a diary or journal?

Yup. I've got entries from back in kindergarten, amazingly. Granted, back then I wrote in pictures.

25. Do you prefer to use pen or pencil?

Pencil. I'm human, I make mistakes.

26. What is your star sign?

Well, I was a Pisces. But then they discovered that there are more stars in the sky, just like there are more fishes in the sea, and just bunched a bunch of Pisces together so now I'm Aquarius. I'm still a Pisces at heart tho.

27. Do you like your cereal crunchy or soggy?

Crunchy. Better texture. Soggy cereal is oatmeal in my mind and if you want oatmeal, you actually make oatmeal, not let your cereal sit out for who knows how long.

28. What would you want your legacy to be?

Legacy is a tricky thing. You've gotta know what people are gonna think of you down the line. I want mine to be simple: she wasn't afraid of who she was and what others would think of that. She was herself, and that's all that matters. I feel like that's the best legacy I could have for the future generations who will grow up in a world of trial and tribulation.

29. Do you like reading? What was the last thing you read?

ABSOLUTELY! I just finished Lodestar from Keeper of the Lost Cities. I shoulda read these books years ago but they're still fan-freaking-tastic!

30. How do you show someone you love them?

I guess my love language is acts of service or whatever. So I'd probably serve them and do tons of sweet things for them.

31. Do you like ice in your drinks?

No, it makes it all watery. Blegh.

32. What are you afraid of?

Lots of things. I just only realize when they come along and forget what they are afterwards. Sure, it may seem nice, but it makes the terror of coming into contact with them once more infinitely more terrorizing. But bugs are extremely horrifying. And so are arachnids.

33. What is your favourite scent?

Rain with freshly mowed grass and newly printed books at a campfire with Smores by the seashore. No one will ever be able to create this magnificent scent.

34. Do you address older people by their first or last name?

Depends on how close we are.

35. If money was not a factor, how would you live your life?

Does this mean that everything is free? Well I'm gonna stockpile food and stuff and then ship them off to 3rd world countries. I'd try to save as many lives as possible. Or I could go there in person to deliver said goods... Yup. I've decided that that's what I'm gonna do!

36. Do you prefer swimming in pools or in the ocean?

Pools have a veil of safety but the ocean is much more beautiful and alive. Also, the smell of chlorine is gross. And the taste. Blegh.

37. What would you do if you found $50 on the ground?

If it looks old and worn and dirty like it's been there a while, imma take it. Chances are whoever lost it has been long gone so I can actually take that $50 w/o feeling guilty. Otherwise I'd leave it there.

38. Have you ever seen a shooting star? Did you make a wish?

Heh, I used to wish on airplanes, satellites, and planets because I thought they were 'special stars'.

39. What is one thing you would want to teach your children?

To be kind, even when it is inconvenient. I don't know how many times someone has held the door open for me even when it seemed much more convenient for them to just go inside where it is warm and just let me open the stupid door on my own.

Maybe I'd teach them that even the smallest acts can have the biggest impact. One of the two. Probably both.

40. If you had to have a tattoo, what would it be and where would you get it?

Heh, you're talkin' to the girl who doesn't want her ears pierced. No way in heck am I getting a tattoo.

41. What can you hear right now?

Music and the sound of my thoughts.

42. Where do you feel the safest?

In a book.

43. What is one thing you want to overcome/conquer?

Darkness and fear.

44. If you could travel back to any era, which would you choose?

The one with Michelangelo, Leonardo, and all those other guys that the ninja turtles were named after.

45. What is your most used emoji?

It's not even an emoji. It is literally XD. Either that or (^^)

46. What is your favourite season? Why?

Torn between winter (snow), spring (life coming into bloom), and fall (all the pwetty colors).

47. How would you spend your ideal day?

On a window seat during a thunderstorm either sketching or reading a book all wrapped up in a blanket. Preferably with a cat. Sipping warm apple cider or hot chocolate with marshmallows.

48. Describe yourself using one word.

Me.

49. What do you regret the most?

Not realizing certain things sooner.

50. Invent your own word. What does it mean?

Crushyblushy (adj. n.)

The general mannerisms an individual enacts around people that they like (specifically in crush and/or love situations).

syn: awkward, quirky, shy, blushy

ant: confident, flirty, aplomb, able

#all about me #50 things #get to know the artist #get to know the blogger #get to know me #reblog #me #just me #hi #quirky #dwagon #mistie #love y'all #mistie monday #monday #merry monday

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whifferdills · 5 years ago

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"ACME Instant Tunnel" Gomens, AzCrow, reasonably explicit, mutual masturbation, Makin' Out, pinin', fuckin', voyeurism, hurt/comfort, weird anxieties, variable genitalia. Aziraphale is a hedonist and Crowley likes to watch. ~6k words

It starts, technically, in the Garden. The first rain is falling: Crowley is sheltered by the angel's wing, a fact he will not stop turning over and over in his mind for the next few millennia. But he's compartmentalized it, and is beginning to fret instead over how to make a satisfactorily cool exit from this sort of emotionally uncomfortable situation.

He looks over, about to say something awful that hasn't been invented yet, like "Better mosey along," or "Catch you on the flipside." And the angel is - hmm. Eyes closed, face tilted up to the sky. His hair gone wet and dark. Skin glistening, droplets rolling carelessly down. Like he's enjoying himself, somehow. Feeling like he shouldn't be witnessing this, he casts his gaze to the ground. He's greeted by the sight of the angel's toes wriggling, what, delightedly? Delightedly, in the dust as it turns into mud on the stone.

What?

On some level Crowley will never fully unpack this. What he knows at this particular moment is that he is intrigued; that there is something about this specific angel, an unrelenting strangeness, an absolute fuck-wild streak that compelled him to give his flaming sword away, and shelter a demon, and do...That, in the rain. What he knows right now is Aziraphale is, at the very least, worth keeping an eye on.

The first time Crowley admits to himself that something might be afoot, they're in Rome. It's Aziraphale who approaches him, this time. He looks at Crowley like he's ever so grateful to see a familiar face. And he also looks at him like, well,

No, can't be, surely

Crowley is tired and cranky and terribly sober and inclined to be surly, churlish, but this angel is looking at him like he's almost embarrassed to be looking at him in the, the whatever way he's looking at him.

And then he tries tempting Crowley and, oh, Satan, has he been tempting himself this whole time?

It's a lot to work through, is all. Crowley likes beer and wine and scotch and mead because they all do the thing where you don't have to deal so much with the world if you have enough of them. Beyond that, the physicality of consumption hadn't quite caught him. He'd licked honey off the taut stomach of a Polybian soldier, tongue in the valley of his hips; it'd been alright. A piece of coarse brown bread, once, since it had been offered.

But this is Aziraphale, and this is oysters. Crowley nurses a tankard of ale, and he watches. On the half-shell, shimmering iridescent, the briny wetness.

"They look like camel snot," he says.

Aziraphale frowns, but oh, there's something there, something teasing, something daring. "Hush," he says. "They're lovely. And there's a special sauce. Not that they need it, particularly, but it is nice." He leans in towards his plate and inhales, his eyes drifting shut.

Crowley shifts in his seat. This is. Well, it is - something, certainly. And he's fixated, on the angel's plump fingers delicately picking up a shell, and holding it up to his lips; fixated on the line of his neck as he tilts his head back, and sucks the flesh into his mouth; as he swallows; as he moans, almost, a pleased little noise. As he puts the shell down, and nestles each successive shell atop it, on and on until it's over and he has a hand cradling his belly and a beatific expression on his face.

"I told you," he says. "Simply exquisite."

Crowley has not partaken, but he nods anyway. They move on to safer subjects (as if any of this is safe, as if a demon should say anything to an angel that wasn't warlike and mean), and they drink, and once time and the room have gone wobbly, Crowley invents the Irish Goodbye.

They're in a garden, again, and the sun is setting. They're on a bench, with a respectable amount of distance between them. Room for Jesus, as the humans sometimes say. "Summer's waning," Aziraphale says softly.

Crowley risks a glance over. The angel is still sitting primly, but with his head quirked, tilted just so towards the sky.

"Mmm," Crowley hmm's.

"I love this time of year. As the air cools. Still damp, of course, but there's something in the air that changes, something...and it's so easy to be comfortable, this weather. Not too hot, not too cold, just right. Perfect for curling up with a good book and a cup of tea. Perhaps in front of a fire, perhaps not."

Crowley immediately, directly, and in a somewhat thunderstruck way realizes he wants nothing more than to curl up next to fucking Goldilocks over here, with a book and some tea and the threat of a lovely warming hearth. So he does the obvious thing, which is to garble out a shambles of a farewell and high-tail it back to his rented room.

They're in a restaurant. Crowley is drinking cement-sludge Turkish coffee and watching as Aziraphale quite literally bites off more than he can chew. It'd all sounded so good, is the thing. He'd just gotten carried away, when ordering.

There's twin thrills, wrapping around each other: firstly, and as always, the wonderment of a creature of love actually loving, headfirst and come-what-may. And then there's the darker, more familiar, and by this point slightly more uncomfortable pull of an angel, of all things, an actual Angel doing a Sin. The decadence of this.

Because this is gluttony, isn't it, just a touch. You don't pull a minor miracle to make room for more dolmas just because you're so full of love. You do it out of want.

And, oh, does Aziraphale want. Wants it all, and then some. Worst of all, he keeps looking at Crowley furtively, like this means something, like this is somehow shamefully important -

Which it is, of course. When is it ever reasonable for an angel and a demon to share a meal?

Crowley leaves, this time, in a way approaching cool. He saunters back to the Bentley, and then he drives very fast and flings himself first into his flat and then onto his bed, where he screams for an hour.

It's the image, isn't it: Aziraphale leaning back in his chair. Skin flushed and belly full, his eyes closed, the pleased hum he's making under his breath. It's a lot, it's a lot, it's a lot -

(Get yourself together)

(He could, and he does, punch a wall about it, feels his knuckles crunch against drywall and the drywall crack before him. He shouts something that might make sense and he cradles his hand in his other hand; he waits, just a tick, waits to heal himself and miracle the wall repaired. It's nice, is all, is somehow needed, is the only thing that fits, sometimes, to be. Just - Angry, like this. He breathes in and out, and flexes his rapidly bruising fingers.)

The century is pressing onwards and for some reason everything is going faster. Technology, people, politics, them. He buys Aziraphale a churro from a street vendor, and he watches him eat it, and Aziraphale makes

that face

And suddenly he's pulling an angel into an alleyway by the shirt collar. He is politely waiting as Aziraphale finishes swallowing the last bite of pastry, and then he's chasing his tongue back into his mouth, the sugar and grease on his lips, a stray crumb; his hips pushing in as he presses Aziraphale against the wall, as the awkward hard lines of him scramble into, are in awe of, the warm soft comfort of this creature

which he never deserved, did he, comfort, of all things, heaven forfend -

Aziraphale looks at him like he wants to eat him, like he wants this so very much and so much else besides; there is a second where Crowley thinks maybe, maybe, maybe now

And the moment ends, and Aziraphale is wearing an expression like he might throw up, and Crowley apologies both profusely and incomprehensibly, and they both run away.

Aziraphale is in a bar, and Crowley is in the same bar, but they are not there together. Crowley blends in, ish, passing well enough for gothy twink. Aquanet holding his hair aloft, a hint of mesh and leather about his outfit. Aziraphale stands out, and it's awful, because Crowley is cringing in equal parts due to how completely the angel is misreading the room, and how he isn't -

(This beautiful aristocrat. With his clothes and his canapes and his crepes and his boys, and his other assorted luxuries - a far cry from asceticism, and inching further from God's grace by the day. Crowley is torn between being somewhat concerned, vis a vis Falling, and wanting to swallow this idiot whole.)

He's holding court, and he's being ridiculous, and he's recounting anecdotes about Oscar Fucking Wilde, and there's an air of, you know. Ha ha, the middle-aged fag, the stately old homo of England so obliviously out of touch in this dim, dank club that has little room for that sort of delicate, prissy expression of queerness. Crowley, at least, has made an attempt, the thin leather straps of his harness pressing into his chest under his blouse. The moustache, the femme nods, the leather cap. Tom of Finland eat your heart out.

The music is too loud and there's a young man catching Aziraphale's gaze and Crowley's heart is in his throat. He could say something. He could sidle up, like he always does, with a sway of the hips and some pithy remark and an insinuation, but

Well, insinuating here, of all places. A touch on the nose. It'd be a sort of admission, wouldn't it. A confession, if you'll pardon the phrase.

So the angel and the boy go to the bathroom. So Crowley follows. He falls back into a snake and hides in a hastily-miracled vent above the adjacent stall, and he listens. Aziraphale is loud, apparently. Vocal and excited and shameless and so, so full of love (and so much else besides), and the boy is so eager. The rustle-slide of trousers undone and shucked down, the gasp at something, the implication of a head of hair clenched in the angel's greedy hands - Crowley screams internally and then slithers towards the nearest exit as quickly as his tiny shitty snake body will allow.

Aziraphale has a barber. He's never liked attending to himself - the end result, yes, but the effort? Perish the thought. He has (had? it's been some time) a tailor, and occasionally a butler, and throughout most of it, a barber.

It's one of the things Crowley likes about him. How clearly his face wants a beard, how desperately he does not want a beard to be atop his face. And he could shave himself, could even sort his body out to not grow hair at all, but. Well. It's a thing, isn't it.

Crowley comes with, sometimes. The angel always likes company and a willing ear, and Crowley likes, oh. What. The physicality of it. The dusting of the badger brush over his skin, the foam spread about his face. Upper lip, double chin, where the hair ends below his Adam's apple. The scrape of the blade over his soft, yielding face

And the threat, of course, the possibility of violence

The hot towel on his neck. Hair trimmed, smoothed, oiled and annointed, put back into place. The razor stropped on leather, the cologne, the performative humanity - Crowley likes how Aziraphale smells after he's been to the barber. That fresh, soapy something; something particularly masculine, softened as always by an equally particular otherness. Crowley wants to breathe him in, like this, the sharp clean luxury of him as he goes about his otherwise humdrum, mildewy life.

(Aziraphale had been a soldier, is the thing. With a flaming sword and ethereal helmet and a pressed white uniform, brass buttons shining. Aziraphale looks at him, sometimes, with such guilt and regret that it sends him reeling. The golden trumpet had sounded, and presumably Aziraphale had charged - But they don't talk about that, do they. Bygones being bygones, and all. They've agreed to move on.)

They're in Crowley's flat. This is giving Crowley a certain amount of unearned confidence. Home pitch advantage. He's provided snacks and libations

He's been all the fuck over town and used more miracles than he probably should, assembling this Unassuming buffet and bar. He bought a cocktail strainer for this, four types of pie. Wine, more wine, some champagne, a dusty bottle of scotch. Cheese and things. Oysters, of course, because fuck his gay life. Hand-shucked and all, with a flat head screwdriver, because he'll be damned again before he buys a fucking oyster shucking fucking knife specifically for the purpose. Anyway. So.

So. So. They're in Crowley's flat. Aziraphale is humming, pleased, trailing his hand over the veritable bounty of food and booze. And Crowley is whining, internally, hoping against hope that he's somehow managed to do this right.

"What sort of cheese is this?" Aziraphale says, at the exact same moment as Crowley blurts out

"So d'you do the other Earthly Pleasures or is it just food'n'drink?"

Aziraphale frowns, in a blank sort of way; Crowley folds his body and soul up into a pretzel and addresses his corpse C/O Hell.

But he's considering, isn't he.

"How do you mean," Aziraphale says slowly. Voice about as husky as it ever gets, still high and camp but with an edge to it.

"Do you," Crowley says,

Do you, yanno, do you ever just.... Do you ever find yourself, right, in a place, and you feel a way, so you, right, Touch yourself about it Do you ever Yanno

"Hgn," he finishes, finally.

Aziraphale eyes him up and down, and it's the single thirstiest, most hungry and sultry thing he's ever seen. Not that he'd know, really, he's more in the business of Wrath, so he's not super experienced here, but

"The sins of the flesh?" Aziraphale replies, half-finishing the thought. He's holding Crowley's gaze, glancing away just long enough to seem coquettish.

"Nnngghk," Crowley says.

"I have. You know that." Aziraphale stares him down: not silly and old-fashioned, so much, anymore, not prissy and odd and camp but so, so incredibly direct. Because he wants, and the angel always goes for what he wants.

"Many times," he continues. "Perhaps not as many times as you, but,"

Crowley tries to look cool, worldly, and well-fucked. He's...more theoretical than practical, here, but it's important to his self-image.

The angel steps forward; Crowley stands, stuck to the floor and waving like the leaves of a quaking aspen.

He can live through this. He will. He asks for strength from a higher power. Blanche, Dorothy, Rose, and Sophia - Bob ROSS -

(Did he ever tell the story about falling? It happened in increments. Every question, every doubt, every mistimed joke, he drifted farther and farther from God's grace. One minute he's in front of the archangels trying to explain how little sense it made that knowledge should be a sin, and the next, boom, he was on the other side of the door, and Heaven had changed the locks.

And the gate to Hell was, of course, open. Latch broken, as if to say, go on then, you know you want to. So he went.

Nothing happened, is the fuck of it. Nothing changed. It didn't even hurt. He was his old regular self, only with no name and a carefully edited set of memories. The snake thing, that came later, after God started inventing and populating Earth. He was him, just...stripped, basically, of all his paperwork.

And it almost felt good, finally falling the rest of the way. Opening the door and sauntering down the rickety steps. It was dark and dank down there but that was really more for aesthetic, it wasn't like he needed to breathe in the air. No one had bothered to really decorate yet, it was just sort of a cellar with an odd, musty smell. Folks scattered about, kind of milling, not so much of a heirarchy as it was, a, what. Commune? Had that been invented yet?

Beezlebub xirself lead him through the orientation, and xe was decent enough, if humourless.

"What do you feel?" xe asked him.

It wasn't a question he'd reckoned with before. Not anything an angel would ask him. What did he feel. He closed his eyes, considered, turning the inside of him over and over like a rock tumbler until: "I'm angry," he said.

"And spiteful?"

"Guess so, yeah."

Beezelbub grinned; it was disconcerting. "We encourage cross-training of course, but it's excellent to have another team member with your...tastes."

He settled into it like a snake slipping back into the grass. How fine a feeling, to push people to their limits in the smallest of ways, to be the straw on a camel's back. And to then offer them a choice: to be cruel, or to be kind? To be better, to be Just, or to indulge in a raised voice, a raised fist? They fell like dominoes at the slightest provocation. And who wouldn't, really, living in such an unjust world. It's not like God was listening.)

"I have, you know that," Aziraphale is saying, and he's stepping closer. Him and all his fucking heavenly glow. "And this - why not? We do so much else, together. Besides, I know how you like to play at tempting me, when I've already done a fairly good job of tempting myself."

It's dangerously close to honesty. Crowley squinches his eyes shut and counts to ten. Aziraphale is still there when he opens them, looking beautiful and Good and so pointedly angelic. The bastard.

"Go on, then," Aziraphale says, giving him that look. The queer, loaded one. The one where he can't say it out loud, neither of them can, where this can't exist and if it somehow does, it should never, ever be acknowledged -

Crowley swallows, for dramatic and erotic effect. "What do you feel?" he asks.

Aziraphale considers, also for dramatic and erotic effect. "Hungry, mainly."

For, what. Food? Crowley? To be delicately coddled and diligently attended-to?

"Right," Crowley says vaguely. Aziraphale grins and steps back, attention now wholely on the oyster which he is obscenely slurping through his lips.

(He was only ever the Serpent because he was new. All the other demons had been down long enough that the stench of Hell was obvious on them, emanated from them. Crowley still had a whiff of heaven about him, just enough to be convincing.

"It'll be fun," Beezelbub insisted, and slapped him on the back so hard he turned into a snake.)

"How do you feel?" Crowley asks again.

Aziraphale considers. He's done a number on dinner, and the wine as well; tilted back in his chair, face happily flushed, hands clasped around his well-fed belly, he's the very picture of sated desire. Crowley's banking on it still not being enough.

"Full," Aziraphale settles on. "Good. Hmm."

He's made himself a fucking stomach, what else is in there? A prostate? A cock? A cunt and G-spot? How many mechanisms of pleasure has he miracled himself?

"And what else," Crowley finds himself saying. It's almost in a cool, suave way.

"I'd like - well. It's tricky, isn't it. So easy to get the wires crossed."

Crowley, who is nothing but a pile of crossed wires, represses the need to scream at the top of his lungs and/or punch a hole in the wall. "Go on," he ekes out. Aziraphale just looks at him. Holds his gaze long enough, and then nods. He doesn't undress, he never undresses. There might not even be a body under all those layers. What he does, is he moves one hand from where it rests on the crest of his belly, slides it down to his waistband, where the button is just slightly overtaxed from the evening's efforts. He breathes in, for effect, and slips the button free, pulls the zipper down. Settles his hand between his legs. Crowley wants, he wants, he -

"Wanna see," he blurts out.

And Aziraphale smiles, that knowing self-satisfied quirk of the lips,

and he spreads his legs. His hand delving inside his well-worn trousers, pulling out a plump, pink, small but perfectly-formed cock.

"I like it when we share," he says, casually.

Crowley narrowly avoids dissolving into the nearby refridgerator. (You can order groceries and play Doom on the thing, it's awful but he's got respect for whatever demon came up with "smart" as an adjective for home appliances.)

"You'll have a cup of espresso, usually," Aziraphale continues. He's fondling the skin of his balls, conversationally.

Are they really doing this? How drunk are they, really?

"Or a biscotti," Crowley chokes out. His hands are shaking but they are, they are en route to his nice snake belt, adorning his nice black trou, because fuck it he's got a brand.

"Yes," Aziraphale breathes - such kindness, such awe, such selfish want and love -

Crowley whines and positions his hand over his cunt. If he touches himself it's all over, he'll come and that'll be that and they'll never speak of this again, and all he wants, really, is to watch, to know, to be present - Aziraphale closes his plump fist over his plump cock and goes hmmm with his stupid plump face and Crowley kicks the leg of his armchair so hard he breaks a toe.

He comes early, and then comes again after the angel does, after seeing him just Twiddle himself in such an absolutely fucking ridiculous and transcendental way. Just comes twice amidst a pile of oyster shells and wanton angel. As you do, of an evening. He snaps a finger, and it at least doesn't smell like seafood anymore.

"I'm a - gotta," he explains, then crashes headfirst into a nap that lasts for two years.

(He wakes up alone, but in bed and with a note tucked under his telephone. Til we meet again, xx. He clutches the note to his chest, and sneezes, and goes back to sleep for another year.)

That old classic "end of the fucking world" anxiety: it happens, it happens a lot and so much - Crowley gets used to the sensation of his heart in his throat. It all threatens to burst loose. Aziraphale is finally falling, or cracking apart in his, their, this personal way - would it be wrong to admit that he's beautiful, like this? So vulnerable, so full of doubt. The struggle to put a name to the faith that has always carried him forward. So very, very close to becoming something else. And then he almost loses him -

A significant part of him wants to give up, wants to lie down on the tarmac and go to sleep as the world burns. He's tired, he's had a very long day. But, fuck it, he'd asked Aziraphale to help save this stupid fucking world and now Aziraphale is asking him, and, better late than never - besides, he's got spite and directionless rage on his side, so

can he get a "wahoo";

It's after Armageddidn't - Crowley feels raw, flayed alive, and sort of giddily willing to say anything, any stupid thing. Aziraphale, for this round, is playing the part of the idiot who runs away. Winds up in some fuck-off corner of Sussex, for whatever reason.

Crowley, obviously, follows.

So they're in a coastal village. Orbiting a cottage, even, a small space. There's a lot, it's a lot - books and teacups and things - there's just so much of this, of them, in such a constrained area. Aziraphale has already nested and Crowley feels, right, just a little like an invasive species, here

But he wants to be here, so much, and that counts, right?

"Hey," he says, softly. Outside the local newsagent's. He's holding a bag of pickled onion Monster Munch. He pushes his glasses off, nestles them in his hair. Aziraphale draws the single most labored breath history has ever recorded. Looks him up and down. Steps forward.

It could happen here, of course. Aziraphale could fall to his knees and confess his undying love, or vice versa, this could all - it could work out, and work out neatly

Ha ha

But what happens is,

He hands Aziraphale the Monster Munch, and their fingers brush; storm clouds gather above.

Aziraphale bites his lip and steps in close, their coats touching, the warmth beneath. What happens is the angel slides his hand behind the demon's neck, and draws him in, drinking deep. What happens is he kisses Crowley to within an inch of his life before stepping back

"Home, I think," he says. Crowley nods.

Whatever, wherever home is. In this case, the cottage. The door closes behind them, and immediately locks. Crowley holds Aziraphale's hands as he heads deliberately towards, something, something, what is he doing here again?

The bedroom, you idiot

Aziraphale kisses him again, pulling him tightly against himself, enveloping him, before flipping him around, pushing him on and pressing him down into the bed with something approaching kindness. A hand at the junction between hips and arse, and another hand cautiously questioning, undoing his belt -

it's a lot it's a lot it's a lot he takes it all back he's not the one who goes too fast

"Alright?" Aziraphale asks, high pitched and breathy. His miracle-slick finger probing inside the eager but tight ring of his arsehole. It's alright, it's alright, of course it's all fucking right What happens is,

The sky cracks free, and the humidity breaks, the rain sheeting down, white noise on the roof, and,

Aziraphale fucks him, and this berk who only ever learned one dance, he's almost got rhythm, somehow. And a cock fit to purpose, this time, long and thick. He fucks Crowley like it's his job, and he's good at his job, fucks him like he's proud of being good at his job. Leans in, his belly against Crowley's back, maybe gasps once or twice.

If he were feeling more charitable, he'd note the vulnerability in Aziraphale, the watery desperate look in his eyes; but he's not and he's mad for some inexplicable reason (they don't talk, they never say it, they never fucking say it) and, right, fuck him - Crowley comes in a small, shitty way and Aziraphale follows soon after and it's -

It's not much good, really, but it's nice. And shouldn't that be enough? It's something, it's more than nothing. Maybe marks left in the skin of his back from where his shirt had rucked up and the buttons of Aziraphale's waistcoat had dug in. They don't say anything. They never say anything. It's just how they are, how this always is. Can't draw too much attention, even if no one's watching.

What happens is;

"We can sleep here," Crowley coughs out.

"Obviously," Aziraphale smarms.

Agreed, then. They sleep there, in the one bed.

It's a lot, okay? Calm down. It's eternity. The entirety of everything. Don't - Don't look at him like that. He's just taking a nap -

Crowley wakes up an undetermined period of time later, and he's disoriented, and it's still raining, and Aziraphale isn't there. Not in the bed, not in the cottage, not - oh, fuck, and the panic rises. "Angel?" He calls out, casually, tripping over his own feet. What if it had been too much, what if he'd stepped over the line, what if Aziraphale had left, again - what if it wasn't any different, now? But, he finds him. He's standing outside in the rain, like an idiot. Fully dressed and utterly drenched. Crowley sighs, pinches the bridge of his nose. "Angel?" Aziraphale turns to look at him, a far too complicated expression on his face. He opens his mouth like he wants to say something, only nothing's coming out. "Would you like an umbrella?" Aziraphale shakes his head. "Would you like to come inside?" Aziraphale purses his lips and stares at him wildly, chin wobbling. Fine, fine. Fine. Crowley grabs an umbrella and manifests a pair of flip flops and squelches out onto the lawn. "Cmere," he says, taking the angel's hand, and he leads him back inside. "I'm wet," Aziraphale says mournfully. And hopefully, with an expectant look on his face. Fine, okay. Okay. "Shoes off," Crowley grumbles, and goes to fetch a towel. Aziraphale pouts. He'd been expecting a miracle, probably. Crowley dries his hair, fluffing it back up. Neither of them attempt to make eye contact. Crowley drops the towel, and then lets his hands settle on Aziraphale's shoulders. Gently, gently, he pulls the heavy, sodden wool off, carefully hanging it up on the coat rack. "Oh," Aziraphale says softly, inhaling sharply. "Alright?" Crowley asks. His hands are hovering over the top button of Aziraphale's waistcoat. Aziraphale nods quickly, like he's trying to stay ahead of himself, like he doesn't trust himself to speak. Eyes too wide and his mouth screwed up tight. So. Crowley continues undressing him. Methodically, precisely, hands not dwelling, gaze not lingering. Aziraphale's, what, whimpering under his breath, and something is stretching taut as a bowstring inside Crowley. He pauses at the last bit of kit, the prim pair of briefs. He's not touching. Or not touching, touching - you know. Aziraphale looks up bashfully. "I don't - that is to say. Well. What would you like?" That hadn't been the question, but it answers it anyway. Crowley swallows. "Doesn't matter," he squeaks out. "Don't overthink it." Back on the edge of a complete breakdown: "I have to overthink it! I don't know how else to-" His anxiety is flaring alongside Aziraphale's - the sympathetic vibrations they've always had. Peas in a nervous pod. "Whatever is fine. Just - exhale. Metaphorically. Or something. It's okay. No one's watching. It's just us." Crowley gives him what he hopes is a reassuring smile, and pulls his briefs down. Aziraphale scrunches his eyes shut, looking constipated. When he's worked up the courage to look, he's greeted with. Ah. Nothing, in fact. Aziraphale is as smooth and bare as a Ken doll. "I'm sorry," Aziraphale wails melodramatically. "I can't." Aaaaaaaaaaaaa, says Crowley's inner monologue. "Angel, please, just - it's fine, shut up, it's fine, you know you don't have to - I'm getting your pajamas." "I don't have any pajamas," Aziraphale sobs. "Sweatpants?" The angel stops wringing his hands long enough to give him a look of disgust. "No." Oh, for fuck's sake. Crowley snaps his fingers. "Thank you," Aziraphale murmurs. And then he's quiet again, standing awkward in a soft set of plaid flannel pajamas. He's quiet as Crowley leads him to the couch and sits him down; quiet as Crowley brews a pot of tea, hands him a tea-cup, sits down next to him a carefully-measured distance away. He preferred the histrionics, on the whole. That at least he knew what to do with. Time probably passes. The clock on the mantlepiece is ticking, anyway. "I don't know what I want," Aziraphale says finally, in a very small voice. "It's disconcerting." He looks like he feels dreadfully vulnerable. "That's...Fine," Crowley says. He gives Aziraphale's hand a brief pat. On the angel's schedule, as always. He'll wait. Ten, twenty minutes, a half hour, it's not much, but it's long in this context, sitting in silence, breaths performatively held, the livewire of this; please, angel, please Aziraphale breathes in and straightens his shoulders. Crowley doesn't look, or at least more than he has to. "It's. Well. Heaven," Aziraphale says, exhaling. Crowley nods. "I know I didn't belong there. I know none of them liked me. I know...who I am, what I want to be, is. Fundamentally incompatible, with Heaven. I'm better off without it." And." He pauses, staring straight ahead. "And the knowledge that I will never, ever go back, it. It hurts. And I don't know what to do with that." Snakes don't have tear ducts but Crowley half wishes he'd bothered to slap some on this morning, if only to do something with the thickness in his throat. He glances to the side, just long enough to catch Crowley's eye. "I'm glad you're here," he says. "Thank you, again. I know I take advantage of your - you, sometimes." "I know how to say no," Crowley replies. He doesn't know quite how to steer this conversation out of dangerous waters. "Yes, of course, dear." Aziraphale looks at him, then, or looks slightly past, something aching and awful in his eyes, something utterly bereft. Familiar enough. It's okay, it's okay. It'll be okay. It has to be, anyway. Crowley, who is, on second thought, definitively not in the vincinity of wanting to cry, tugs Aziraphale close. Lines his soft edges against all his angles, his head and hair under his hand. Doesn't comment on the raspy little noise Aziraphale makes as he slots home. "Good trip," he says. "Should come here next fall." Aziraphale snorts, and digs his way closer into Crowley's arms. "Puns. Hell's work?" "Collaboration with heaven, I should think. We both brought this upon ourselves." He hums, and tangles his fingers in Aziraphale's hair, and once again just relishes in being here, alive, and together. They both avoid drawing attention to how loaded that sentence is. And, as the morning draws on, they both find themselves casually, peacefully, falling back asleep.

They're trying again: it's still not quite working, but at least this time they're a touch more honest. In the cottage by the sea, with the fresh air and the snacks from the newsagents and the tentative, whatever, and the outright fucking want - "I could, you know, the other one," Crowley mumbles. Arse in the air and his face in a paisley pillowcase. "Ah, no. Thank you. I quite like this. Working you open. The reward for my effort. Like a pistachio." "Like a what?" Crowley spits out a bit of down and turns around, spine doing something somewhat inhuman. Aziraphale looks down, lips pursed. Eyes set in that knowing, slightly naughty cant. "Oh! I have just the thing -" He adjourns, he returns with a tangle of leather straps, and an - and a strap. Crowley swallows thickly. "You know you could just do both. Even the humans can do both." "Yes, but this is fun. There's all sorts, you know. Different colors and shapes. So much better than it was. Do you remember? The bread? I felt positively spoiled for choice at the shop." He slips the cock into the ring and steps into the harness, sliding it up and loosening it a touch as it catches around his thighs. Of course Aziraphale owns this. Of course this is a thing. "This is alright?" He asks brightly, cock jutting out, proud and vibrantly hot pink. "The, well, you know. And the nudity." Crowley blanks into a haze of static. "Nudity is good when fucking, angel," he slurs out. "I was under the impression you preferred me clothed." Aziraphale plops onto the bed, dick bouncing, his body soft and plush and unafraid. The leather pressing in just so. "It - no. That's just all I've had, you clothed. Seen. All I've seen." He wriggles. "Always thought it would be nice, though. Undress you. Unwrap you like a present." Aziraphale huffs out a low, indulgent chuckle. "Presents and pistachios. What a pair we make, hmm?" He slides inside Crowley, hard and slick. Like peas in a - oh, fuck, yep, that's what a prostate does - Crowley accidentally slaps Aziraphale in the face. It's fine. This is - it's good. He whines just enough as the angel enters him, hips coming flush to arse. It's okay, it's okay, it's It's just eternity, innit. So what. Crowley grins, and grabs fistfuls of the bedding, and -

"This is - don't tell me." Gabriel flips through the envelope of photographs. "Parcheesi?" "Pornography," Sandalphon corrects gently. "Yes! Yes. Pornography. And we have this. Pornography. Because?" There's a heavy pause. "We're keeping an eye on the renegade angel," Uriel reminds him. Ah. "Do we need to?" Gabriel asks, flipping the last photo face-down. "Is there a point? This is extremely distasteful. I'd prefer if we did not, in general, look at these things. Specifically me, I am not interested. But it's fine if you are!" He glances around the room. Blank expressions abound. "No? Right. Let's drop the threat level down and, uh, hopefully never think about this -" He taps the envelope, now re-filled with photographs - "Again. Okay?" Everyone nods, and itches to disperse. Gabriel ceremoniously tosses the envelope into the express chute to Hells' furnaces, claps his hands, and gives his team a generous thumbs-up. Meeting adjourned.

#good omens fanfic #aziraphale/crowley #ineffable husbands #*uses the word 'soft' 500 times* lit tra cher baBEY #official original content tag

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nommy-thoughts · 5 years ago

Note

Hi, OwO from earlier. I meant, like, in the top part of your blog, 'Feel free to ask questions about any and all of my characters!' And I wanted to hear about any of them.

Okay! In that case, I will take this as an opportunity to ramble about literally all of them. Jason and Dan, Tom and Reggie, Aji and Mitz, Candy, and Mike and his friends.

Jason and Dan

Jason looks human, but he very much is not. He’s some sort of… I don’t know, a criptid of my own invention, I guess. Kinda like a vampire? He can’t eat normal food, only feed off of people’s energy. It doesn’t hurt the person he’s feeding off of in any way, but it is definitely a weird experience, because the only way Jason can absorb said energy is by shrinking people and swallowing them whole.

(technically, it doesn’t have to be human energy. But that’s what works best.)

It only takes a touch for him to shrink someone, and he instinctively knows how to do it. It doesn’t automatically happen when he touches someone, but if he’s hungry and gets startled, it can happen by accident. And once he’s done it, the person becomes only 1/24th of their original height. (For example, someone who’s 5 feet tall normally would become 2.5 inches tall, and someone who’s 6 feet tall normally would become 3 inches tall.)

And of course he can restore people to their normal height again. It takes rather more energy to make someone bigger than to shrink them, though, and he has to have a person in his stomach for at least a while to not have a net loss of energy.

Now, Jason was abandoned in the forest as a baby, and got by entirely on woodland creatures. Dan happened to wander into Jason’s territory one day, and didn’t have much time to be confused about this grubby naked child before Jason ate him.

Which was terrifying.

But Jason’s stomach is nothing like a regular stomach. The only opening is on the top, for one thing. And it’s covered with soft hairlike things, much like the villi in your intestines, which glow a greenish blue as they siphon energy, so after a few minutes, Dan was able to see his surroundings. And it wasn’t slimy or wet. He eventually fell asleep.

After Jason released Dan, he left, but he kept coming back, and even though Jason kept eating him, he stopped being frightened by the experience.

And then he kinda adopted Jason! So now Jason lives with him, and Dan lets him eat him basically every day. There’s also at least one other person who knows about what Jason is, a coworker of Dan’s who’s about halfway between them in age. He doesn’t mind getting eaten either

—

Tom and Reggie

These two live in a mixed-height society, where humans and minis have equal rights, and while sizeism exists, it’s considered a flavor of racism. Tom is human, and Reggie is a mini, who’s six inches tall. They’re housemates. (also. Tom is nonbinary, and uses they/them pronouns. Reggie’s a guy, he/him.)

Still trying to figure out how their current arrangement got started, considering Reggie is embarrassed to admit he likes it, but the two of them frequently engage in what they call “Games” (yes, with a capital G), which always involve Reggie being inside Tom’s mouth (not all the way, the scale difference isn’t enough for that, but it varies from a finger or two all the way to as much as they can fit at once), and often involve him getting covered with something tasty first. In addition to those, they sometimes do smaller-scale things with maybe a lick or two.

No swallowing, because it wouldn’t be safe in their world, but loads of mouthplay.

They’ve definitely taken the time to sit down together and talk about what they are and aren’t okay with, and they have a safeword in case either gets uncomfortable in the middle of things. And they make sure to communicate with each other the whole time, when they’re in the middle of it.

Tom’s usually the one to initiate things, and they always check first to make sure that Reggie’s okay with it. Sometimes it’s just something as simple as “May I lick you?” and sometimes it’s laying out the plans for a Game. They usually don’t go into detail, because Reggie likes to be a bit surprised, but Tom might say, “You in the mood for a Game? I had an idea,” and if Reggie was, they might tell him a few of the aspects. (powerplay, foodplay, how much mouthplay it would involve, maybe the kind of food, those such things.) And then they would get into it! Or not, if Reggie didn’t want to do that particular Game after all.

I’m currently working on a story titled ‘Chocolate’, in which there is a fondue pot. And Reggie definitely gets dunked.

He’s also been covered in frosting, been tied up with spaghetti (and accidentally broke several noodles before Tom could bite them off, cooked spaghetti does not make a strong rope), sat in Tom’s ice-cream on a hot summer day, and lounged in more of Tom’s drinks, both hot and cold, than they’ve bothered to count.

Reggie’s sister is aware of their arrangement, which embarrasses Reggie so much, but she doesn’t care what they get up to so long as it’s consensual.

Oh! And I have some art of them! I apparently only have one posted to this blog so far… I’ll have to get on that, cause there are two more. [link]

—

Aji and Mitz

I created Aji for a fanfic of @vore-scientist‘s Mystic Woods stories! (In Which a Giant Wizard Noms a Firewitch) They’re basically a self-insert. Short redheaded li’l nonbinary firewitch. (the firewitch part is not so much a self-insert. That was something Tuitey suggested, to make Aji fit in to that world.)

Mitz is Aji’s giant friend. The two of them have done many noms before, and Aji’s even been swallowed! Only briefly, though, because they don’t want to risk staying in a real stomach for very long. Since Aji is a firewitch, they’re pretty spicy.

I honestly haven’t developed a lot about these two yet…

Tho!

Aji has a familiar. Her name is Soot, she’s a cat, and she was the one who decided she was gonna be Aji’s familiar, back when she was a kitten. Aji wasn’t even looking for a familiar at the time, but Soot took one look at young Aji and decided, That human is mine. I’m keeping them. So she went right ahead and formed the familiar-witch bond, and next thing Aji knew, this little black ball of fluff was talking to them, and yes it was meows, but it also sounded like words.

Soot’s mom was not so pleased that her kitten had gone and gotten bonded to a witch. Especially a firewitch. Soot’s dad was proud of her, though. (I think he was one of those rough-and-tumble stray cat types, while Soot’s mom was a pampered housecat. Very different backgrounds.) Soot’s mom eventually accepted Aji as her kitten’s witch, though.

Also, Soot is trans. And she thinks that spit is gross and Aji is weird for being okay with being in a mouth.

—

Candy

Alright, so ‘Candy’ was originally not going to be her name, but I’m seriously tempted to name her Candace and have her curse to have been inspired by her name.

Cause Candy was cursed! There was this wizard who was trying to woo a woman who was gay and far more interested in Candy, got pissy that she didn’t like him back, decided that Candy had stolen the affection that was “rightly his,” and cursed her.

So now Candy is only about an inch tall, immortal, and made of candy. The type of candy she’s made of changes sometimes. (still working on the mechanic of how/why.) She prefers some to others, and hates being gum.

She’s changed hands several times over the years, and is currently in the possession of a college student. She spends a lot of time being oral stimulation for late night studies, but at least the student treats her fairly well. They usually ask permission first, and by this point, Candy’s gotten pretty used to being in a mouth, so she lets them do it as long as they don’t bite down. (It doesn’t hurt, but it’s not a pleasant sensation.)

She’s been swallowed more than once, and she doesn’t like that. It’s groossss.

—

Mike

This one isn’t technically actual vore, but it’s vorish, so I’m including it.

Mike lives in a mixed height world. Maybe it’s the same as Tom and Reggie’s, as the main scale is 1:12, the same as theirs, but maybe it’s not, because there are also smaller tinies, who mostly live off on their own away from the other two sizes.

Mike is one of the smaller tinies. He’s about two inches tall. And he has a mech! It’s a very good mech, and looks like a human. The entire inside of the head is on stabilizers so that no matter which way the mech is oriented, that room is always right-side up. And in the middle of the skull-room, there’s another room, where Mike goes to control the mech. He has to put on a special motion-sensing suit, and the room is filled with a special material that mimics the outside environment. It’s all very complicated and sciencey, and I don’t know where he got it.

Some of Mike’s friends are humans, and some of them are tinies. Regular tinies, not extra-small ones like Mike.

(A scene:

Tiny Friend: Why do you spend all your time inside that mech?

Mike: I’m not about to be out in the open with a bunch of giants!

Tiny Friend: Why not? I do it every day.

Mike: … I don’t think you understand. You’re one of the giants.

)

Now the vorish part!

In order to make the mech look realistic, there aren’t seams for it to open. Instead, you gotta climb in through the mouth. Mike’s small enough that he can have the mech lying down and just walk through the throat like a hallway, but a regular tiny has to crawl. Or, if the throat is vertical, there’s a ladder built into the side. (though to get past the part at the back of the mouth is very awkward for a regular tiny, because there’s a wall (again, for realistic looking reasons) in front of the ladder there, and Mike can easily climb through that space, but it’s too small for a regular tiny to fit into)

Sometimes, Mike’s friends get overwhelmed from too much stimulus, and they need somewhere quiet to relax again. If the overwhelmed friend is a tiny, and there isn’t somewhere else available (or sometimes if there is), Mike will let them chill inside his mech with him, either in the torso area (which is a storeroom) or in his room in the head. (They’re allowed to sit on his bed, but because they’re three times his size, they can’t fit to lie down.) Which, of course, looks like he’s swallowing them.

#OwO anon #ask #mine #nommy thoughts #Jason #Dan #Tom #Reggie #Aji #Mitz #Soot #candy character #Mike #Mike and his Mech #(trying to figure out a tag for him...)

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magmasliveblogs · 5 years ago

Text

1.06

ok the irl stuff is finally dealt with! that took longer than i expected. to recap, in the last chapter erin still has a horrible infected hand, discovered and then accidentally broke some magic keeping some food fresh, discovers the skeleton in her attic/second floor is gone, and killed a goblin thus scaring off a war party.

Erin woke up with her back against the inn’s front door. Her neck was aching and her hand was burning. It was morning.

“Ow.”

She held her hand. It was hurting—

“Feels like it’s worse than yesterday. Which is probably my imagination.”

She sat cradling her hand for a full minute. Then she remembered why she was sitting there and shot to her feet.

“Skeleton? Goblins.”

Where was it? Erin stood up and hobbled over to a table. There. Two daggers on the tabletop.

“At this rate I’m going to start a collection.”

Erin mumbled to herself as she poked one of the hilts with a finger. But it proved she hadn’t been dreaming.

“No skeleton? No problem. I hope.”

i swear i did not know this first part of the chapter would make my whole recap useless

“What’s that smell?”

Something smelled really bad. And it was coming from the kitchen. The instant Erin opened the door she groaned aloud.

The fish lay on the cutting board, covered in dry blood and reeking in the sunlight. It stank. Actually, it smelled worse than a stink.

“This. This is disgusting.”

Erin stared at the fish for a few more seconds. She had absolutely no desire to touch it. On the other hand…

A few black things crawled out of the fish’s mouth. Erin stared at the small things, gagged, and then ran outside before she hurled. That was the start of her day.

knowing this world those probably arent your average scavenger bugs

How do you get rid of a fish? Erin put it outside on the ground and stared at it.

“I could bury it. If I had a shovel. And I could burn it. If I had a way to make fire. Or…I could leave it over there.”

She walked for about fifteen minutes before she was sure she was far enough away from the inn. Then Erin unceremoniously dumped the rotting fish off the cutting board. That was a mistake.

As the fish hit the ground it exploded. Something inside of it broke or squished, and suddenly a host of little black and green insects exited the fish’s body from every orifice. Erin took one look, screamed, and ran. She was getting good at it.

well this got exponentially worse

It took her a long time before she found the courage to return. And even then, it was just to run in, grab the cutting board and leg it to the stream.

“Ew, ew, ew.”

Erin thrust the plank of wood in the water and watched fish guts and insects sweep away into the current. It wasn’t the dead fish she objected to. Well, not as much as the live bugs that clung stubbornly to the wood.

“You. Get off.”

The tenacious fly seemed to have the strength of ten bugs because it refused to let the current drag if off. It was black with a green butt—abdomen, and looked like nothing Erin had ever seen before.

“Another weird creature. Wonderful.”

Reluctantly she looked closer. Know thy enemy, right? She supposed she should also know her bug.

“That’s definitely a bug. And it’s really ugly.”

Swish. Swish. The bug clung to the wet wood despite Erin’s best attempts to shake it off.

“…Why’s it got four legs? I thought bugs had six.”

Annoyed, Erin finally pulled the cutting board out of the water. The insect fanned its wings as she stared at it. It was really mostly like a beetle, except that its backside was glowing green. A cross between a freaky firefly and a beetle. Better than a cockroach, but there was only one way to deal with bugs like that.

Erin curled her finger and gave the bug a damn good flick. It exploded.

The insect’s green abdomen burst into a splatter of green liquid as the rest of it flew off into the stream. Erin blinked as the green liquid covered the cutting board and splashed into the water.

Some of it landed on Erin’s arm.

“Ahh! Owowowowowow!”

Her arm plunged into the water. It was an instinctive reaction but it made the pain vanish. Still, Erin frantically scrubbed at the spot until all of the burning pain had gone.

“Acid flies. Okay, that’s completely wrong.”

knew it! those things are disgusting and i would never want to encounter them. also as i said, things keep getting worse!

Her skin was red and sore from the brief contact with acid, but she was fine. Nevertheless, she washed both her body and the cutting board until she felt completely clean. This was less fun because Erin was also watching out for strange shadows in the water.

“Great. My hand hurts, and now my arm hurts.”

Erin stared at the dead fish as she walked back to the inn. The fish’s body was swarming with those little acid flies. They were probably laying eggs in it or something equally fun.

Briefly, Erin considered dragging the fish into the stream and letting all the buggers drown. Then she considered what would happen if all the flies landed on her and exploded.

“Right. Well, there’s only one thing to do in a situation like this.”

Erin raised first one, then both her middle fingers. Her injured right hand hurt like fire, but it still made her feel better.

“That’s for all of you.”

Then she went back to the inn.

its the little things that count

“I really should have brought a bucket.”

Erin stared at the ingredients lined up on the kitchen counter. Her stomach was rumbling, and she was in the mood for food. But she didn’t really want another breakfast, lunch, and dinner of blue fruit. Today she was in the mood for bread. Freshly baked bread.

Unfortunately that required water. And Erin really didn’t want to walk to the stream and back with a heavy bucket. But she needed water. She knew that. Somehow.

Was it instinct? Erin frowned and knocked on her skull. She had never made food, not really. Well, she’d made Mac and Cheese and instant ramen but that didn’t count. And that went for microwaves and ovens too. So why did she know that to make bread she needed flour, oil, salt, sugar, yeast, and some water? It had to be magic.

Or a skill.

“[Basic Cooking], huh?”

if [basic cleaning] made it so you can clear a full floor of an inn of dust in an afternoon, i assume [basic cooking] contains the cooking knowledge you could find in your basic cookbook?

“Let’s see. Frying pan? No. Tongs? No. A saw? Why does a kitchen need a saw?”

Erin set the small handsaw aside and squinted. Behind that was something she hadn’t quite figured out. Well, two things. It was a rock and something else. Something weird.

“Is that…a horseshoe?”

No. It was way too small to be a horseshoe, and the wrong shape. Unless this world had really weird, small horses that was. But even then, why have horseshoes in a kitchen?

“Unless they ate horses.”

Erin stared at the horseshoe-thing. She stared at the rock. Slowly she slid the rock along the fire striker and watched sparks fly.

“Huh. So that’s what flint and steel looks like. It actually does look like Minecraft!”

Erin paused. She sighed and slapped herself gently.

“I’m an idiot.”

fire achieved!

In the end, Erin let the fire burn while she went to get water. The fireplace was stone, and the kitchen was stone. The odds of a stray spark walking all the way to the common room was remote. Still, she felt uneasy.

“This is how it starts, right? You leave the fireplace on while you go on a vacation for a few days and the next thing you know, your inn’s burned down. A classic cautionary tale.”

its happened before and it will happen again! where there is fire and inattention there will be a worse fire soon!

Erin sighed as she walked along. She wondered again how much trouble she was really in. After all, she had just started a fire, true, but that was pretty basic even for primeval humans. What could—

A patch of green moved in the grass ahead of her. Erin stared at it. Was it part of the grass? It raised its head and stared back. It wasn’t the grass it all. It was—

Something exploded out of the grass. Erin screamed, flailed wildly with her bucket and fell over. The gigantic bird with leather wings and a beak longer than her arm took off into the sky with an ear-piercing screech.

“Oh. Oh wow.”

Erin sat on the ground and stared.

“Is that a…pterodactyl? No way.”

It looked like it. And while Erin was only really seeing it’s rapidly disappearing backside, the bird had a certain…non-feathery quality to it. However, where the ancient dinosaur-birds Erin had seen in museum pictures were brown and plain, this bird had been a light green with red markings.

“Camouflaged dinosaurs. Now I’ve really seen everything.”

everything so far is either out to kill her or a plant

Erin shook her head and got back up. She brushed off her dirty t-shirt and jeans.

“Gotta wash these sometime. But that means I’ll be walking around naked. Is that an issue? And what’s that smell?”

Something smelled truly terrible. Erin covered her nose and frowned. She cast around for the source of the smell. It was on the ground somewhere. She walked ten steps and found a nest.

“Huh. I guess without many trees birds get lazy. But what a big nest. And what’s that inside—”

Erin took one look inside the nest and covered her mouth. She gagged and took a few deep breaths.

“Okay. At least I know where all the normal birds go. Inside the dinosaur-birds.”

Averting her eyes from the grisly remains, Erin turned to go. She took two steps and tripped.

“Ow.”

She got up, cradled her injured hand a bit and wished for the world to explode. Or just her. Then she squatted down to look at what she’d tripped over.

“Eggs?”

and so we are on our way to other foods! we now have a sustainable supply of blue fruit and eggs!

“People used to do this every day? This is why plumbing was invented, you know. Who puts a stream so far from an inn? What happened to a good well?”

She kept grumbling until she reached the inn. Once there, Erin had to lean against the door and pant like a dog for a while before she felt better. She noticed a sign hanging next to her nose and squinted at the faded lettering.

“Huh. ‘Closed?’ Is that English?”

It wasn’t English. The lettering was distinctly not-English. But Erin understood in nonetheless.

“Freaky. But convenient. Who needs Google Translate when you’ve got magic-weirdness?”

And at least it confirmed Erin’s suspicions.

“This was an inn once. But someone abandoned it.”

She tapped her lips thoughtfully and narrowed her eyes at the hanging sign. The rope was frayed and worn, but it was still in pretty good shape.

“…Well, finders keepers.”

not like theres anyone around to challenge you on that. well the goblins might but they could have taken over the inn a while back

Bread took a while to bake. Bread needed to rise and do all kinds of complicated yeasty-stuff according to her [Basic Cooking] skill. And to be fair, that was about all she could make with the ingredients at hand. Not much you could do with a bit of flour, right? But eggs? Eggs changed everything.

Erin’s stared at the flour. She stared at the butter and salt. Then she stared at the eggs. Her eyes narrowed.

“Forget bread. It’s pasta time.”

im tempted to make a mario joke, italian mafia lead by goblins joke, or something else, but i cant think of a punch line

“Oh. Oh god. Why are there red lines—?”

Erin covered her mouth.

“It was alive. There was a baby inside.”

Her stomach lurched. But there was nothing to throw up. Erin took a few deep breaths and tried to think.

“Right. Normal eggs actually hatch. Right. This isn’t a store so of course they’ve be living—but they must be new eggs. Not full of half-born chickens, right?”

She stared at the rest of the eggs. Right?

modern ideas about not killing things to survive. your ancestors would point and laugh

To her credit, Erin barely hesitated when she grabbed the sharp knife again. But she did take the time to wash the blood off before she began slicing. And though it took her a bit longer to cut everything since she worked with one hand and tried to keep all her digits out of the knife’s path, she eventually had a pile of long stringy noodles ready to be boiled.

Erin held the first batch of raw noodles over the boiling water in the pot.

“Double double, boil and trouble…into the pot you go.”

The noodles fell in with a large splash. Erin yelped and jumped away.

“Hot!”

When she was finished calling herself an idiot, Erin sat back and waited. The noodles wouldn’t take that long. Then she could add some more butter, a little more salt, and feast. It was a good plan.

“Too bad I don’t have something refreshing to drink as well. A nice glass of juice would go down great. But y’know, it’s not like I…can…”

Erin stood up. She walked back into the common room and looked around.

The pile of blue fruits was right where she had left them. Erin’s eyes narrowed as she looked at them. She stroked her chin in thought.

“Blue juice?”

She shook her head.

“Nah. Bluefruit juice? That’s more like it.”

safety first! also this meal sounds good

“Who knew carrying stuff with one hand was so much of a pain? I mean, everything’s a pain.”

The pasta was nice and hot. Erin felt her stomach rumbling. But something still felt off. And pain was still present.

“But it’s a better day, right? A bit of a better day.”

Erin stared at the plate. Pasta, check. Fork, check. Juice, check.

She sighed. A smile tried to climb onto her face. Her hand throbbed, but Erin kept the smile up and raised her fork. She was going to eat until she puked. Okay, maybe until she was just full. She raised the first glistening noodle to her lips.

Knock, knock.

Without thinking Erin stood up and went to the door.

“Hi, can I help you?”

A giant insect stood in the doorway. It raised one feeler in greetings and opened its mandibles.

“Greetings. May we come in?”

well we have a.. person? bug? seemingly civilized being?

either way thats the end of the chapter! will erin survive this encounter? will she get to eat her pasta? is this bug related to the settlement erin forgot about? will erin freak out? will these endings ever become less cheesy? find out tomorrow!

if i havent posted within 24 hours assume i have been attacked by goblins riding giant talking bugs and am seeking shelter in an abandoned castle

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eddycurrents · 6 years ago

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For the week of 13 August 2018

Quick Bits:

Astonishing X-Men Annual #1 is a rather dark tale of reuniting the remaining members of the original five X-Men and the current creature claiming to be Charles Xavier running around as X. Given his attitude in Charles Soule’s run and now in this story penned by Matthew Rosenberg, there still seems to be something very wrong with the once altruistic, peaceful founder of the team. I personally don’t really like this character, but it still leads to a good story from Rosenberg, Travel Foreman, and Jim Charalampidis.

| Published by Marvel

By Night #3 is another fun issue with a bit of a twist as we follow Heather’s father and Jane’s co-worker instead of the women. The voice John Allison gives to Heather’s father, Chip, is hilarious, the perfect mix of no-nonsense “dad” thought and aimless absurdity.

| Published by Boom Entertainment / Boom! Box

Cable & Deadpool Annual #1 is a very entertaining issue of time-travel nonsense and Deadpool being tricked into a recreation of the plot of Terminator from an obsessive stalker. David F. Walker packs this story with humour, creepy lesson teaching, and a bit of a monologue on the nature of comics storytelling. All nicely illustrated by a rogues gallery of Paco Diaz, Danilo S. Beyruth, Nick Bradshaw, Luke Ross, Marco Rudy, Edgar Salazar, Flaviano, Francesco Manna, Leonard Kirk, Chris Sotomayor, and Jason Keith.

| Published by Marvel

Coda #4 packs the issue with more stunning artwork, from character designs to page layouts and panel transitions, by Matías Bergara (with colour assists from Michael Doig). This series is just a visual treat. It also helps that the story from Bergara and Si Spurrier is equally incredible, taking many of the traditional forms and modes of fantasy literature and turning them into something new. The opening poem outlining the fall of the world and the rise of Sir Hum’s wife is particularly inspired.

| Published by BOOM! Studios

Coyotes #5 is a welcome return for this series after the trade break, beginning a new story-arc that goes more in depth to the history between the wolves and the grandmothers, as the book’s purpose pivots to the offence. I love the ingenuity of the mythology of this story being built by Sean Lewis and Caitlin Yarsky. Also, like the first four issues, Yarsky’s art is just stunning.

| Published by Image

Crowded #1 is great. The concept of tapping into our current app-driven and crowdfunded world is brilliant, especially as extended to an assassination app in reapr. Christopher Sebela, Ro Stein, Ted Brandt, Triona Farrell, and Cardinal Rae seem to have captured magic in a bottle here and the execution is just phenomenal. The characters of Charlie and Vita are instantly relatable, the premise is on fire, and the art is exceptional. I really want to see what Charlie isn’t telling us.

| Published by Image

Ether: Copper Golems #4 is another stunning visual feast from David Rubín. Seriously, he has outdone himself this issue, as he handles the usual fantasy sequences, then changes art styles several times as we get our characters living out some of their fantasies. His work is just stunning. The story that he and Matt Kindt are telling just keeps getting better and better.

| Published by Dark Horse

Extermination #1 begins the next big X-Men event with a bang as past, present, future, and alternate universes collide in this explosive issue. I feel like discussing just about any piece of it is a spoiler, so I’ll just suggest that if you’re at all interested in the original five brought to our time, you need to read this. Ed Brisson, Pepe Larraz, and Marte Gracia present an impressive opening salvo.

| Published by Marvel

Flavor #4 is a bit of a piece-shuffling issue, as Xoo spends a bit of time in jail and we get a couple more hints as to the something that is being done with children. Although we still don’t know what, and a bit of a revelation of Anant’s mother. Joseph Keatinge, Wook Jin Clark, and Tamra Bonvillain continue to work wonders on this series. Highly recommended for all ages.

| Published by Image

Gideon Falls #6 ups the level of weird in this concluding chapter of the first arc. To say that the implications of that final page are confusing, compelling, and chilling is an understatement, as Jeff Lemire, Andrea Sorrentino, and Dave Stewart construct one of the oddest instalments of this series yet. A lot of this series has been in building tone and atmosphere, spooky unexplained happenings, and here the story goes full David Lynch. It’s wonderful.

| Published by Image

The Gravediggers Union #9 is the conclusion to what has been an exciting and different take on the occult and elder gods mythology from Wes Craig, Toby Cypress, and Niko Guardia. Fittingly, this end comes down to the family conflict that this arc has revolved around, and it’s a well played out finale. I highly recommend this series.

| Published by Image

Hunt for Wolverine: The Claws of a Killer #4 is probably the least satisfying “conclusion” of these minis so far, giving us a kind of hand-wavy explanation for what they were tracking, no insight into the organization who brought about these zombies while resurrecting family members, and Daken shuffled off to who knows where. Mariko Tamaki successfully captures the tone and atmosphere of many of the original Wolverine series stories laced with action and black ops, but unfortunately also carries on its tradition of obfuscation instead of an enticing mystery. Nice art from Butch Guice, Mack Chater, Cam Smith, and Jordan Boyd, though.

| Published by Marvel

Ice Cream Man #6 is highly inventive, even for a series as highly imaginative already that this one is. Instead of one story, here, W. Maxwell Prince, Martín Morazzo, and Chris O’Halloran give us three different flavours to fulfill the “Strange Neapolitan”. It’s a mostly silent issue of three different paths our protagonist can possibly take with each of them presenting their own flavour of horror. This is a really great issue.

| Published by Image

Infinity Wars #2 is pretty damn epic. I know that the pieces will be reshuffled and everything will be put back together more or less as we found it, but hot damn are Gerry Duggan, Mike Deodato Jr., and Frank Martin working overtime to tell a heavy story here. The art is some of the best I’ve ever seen from Deodato and Martin and the stakes have just ratcheted through the roof. I’m loving every moment of this book so far.

| Published by Marvel

The Lost City Explorers #3 is still doling out the tension as the kids continue to try to evade Sagan security on their way to try to find Hel and Homer Coates’ father’s discovery site under New York City. We’re still only get bits and pieces before a revelation of whatever the discovery actually is, but Zack Kaplan, Alvaro Sarraseca, and Dee Cunniffe are still presenting a compelling story.

| Published by AfterShock

Luke Cage #1 is another digital original like Cloak & Dagger and Jessica Jones, and also like the latter series offers two chapters at once, and is really rather good, from Anthony Del Col, Jahnoy Lindsay, and Ian Herring. This sets up an interesting mystery of a strange kind of serial killer, the possibility of Luke suffering from CTE, and the wonderful family dynamic between Luke and his daughter.

| Published by Marvel

The Magic Order #3 continues as a slow burn as Madame Albany and her coterie keep working their way through murdering her family members, all while those family members attempt to track down information on who her assassin is and how to stop him. Mark Millar, Olivier Coipel, and Dave Stewart are crafting a wonderful story here that reminds me a bit of Wanted, but good and about magic.

| Published by Image

Multiple Man #3 takes a particularly dark turn as Matthew Rosenberg, Andy MacDonald, and Tamra Bonvillain toss us into the dark future where an evil Madrox reigns. Of the dark futures where the X-Men stories have taken place, this is probably one of the most twisted, even as Rosenberg peppers it with some nice humour. The throw rug in particular is hilarious.

| Published by Marvel

Ninja-K #10 is a single issue story focusing on Ninja-H and the horrors that soldiers can have to deal with and how they sometimes cope with it. It has some great art from Larry Stroman, Ryan Winn, and Andrew Dalhouse.

| Published by Valiant

Peter Parker: The Spectacular Spider-Man #308 is probably the best issue of this series since Chip Zdarsky and Michael Walsh’s single issue story of Peter and Jonah hashing it out in issue 6. Zdarsky shows us here that he really excels at getting into the head’s of some of the characters, giving us a good look from their perspective, and humanizing them. He does that here with Flint Marko, the Sandman, and it feels like an interesting transition to something else. It also helps that it’s wonderfully illustrated by Chris Bachalo and his usual team of inkers of Tim Townsend, Al Vey, Wayne Faucher, and John Livesay. This is a great start and I’m excited to see what comes next for this story.

| Published by Marvel

Rumble #6 begins this volume’s second arc and is the other series with glorious David Rubín artwork this week (this one with colours from Dave Stewart). I love this book, with its fun mix of humour and arcane magic and fantasy, and how John Arcudi, originally James Harren, now Rubín have built the characters, the overall story, and the absolutely beautiful artwork.

| Published by Image

Stellar #3 takes an interesting look at the existential price of war and at the notion of “you can never go home again” in this somewhat depressing, but no less entertaining, issue.

| Published by Image / Skybound

Thor #4 is the glorious conclusion to this opening arc sending Thor to Niffleheim to fight Sindr in this leg of the War of the Realms. The artwork from Mike del Mundo is incredible.

| Published by Marvel

Tony Stark: Iron Man #3 builds another largely single issue story into the larger arc, with a beta test of Tony’s new eScape platform. I like how Dan Slott and Valerio Schiti have been approaching this series and building up Stark’s supporting cast, while also progressing the recurring subplot of Bethany Cabe’s subterfuge and X-51′s newfound robot rights activism.

| Published by Marvel

Volition #1 is another interesting debut from AfterShock, this time focusing on a world featuring artificial intelligence that hasn’t sparked an apocalypse, instead adapting and continuing on as just another class within society, fighting to survive and combat prejudice like their human counterparts, as created by Ryan Parrott and Omar Francia. The art is gorgeous and a real driving factor for the story, Francia’s style reminds me a bit of JG Jones and it’s incredible.

| Published by AfterShock

Weapon H #6 continues to be that weird, offbeat comic from Marvel that used to be published in the ‘80s or ‘90s that nobody read, but was actually rather good. Greg Pak has been doing a great job of building up this rather eclectic cast of characters and the art has been wonderful. Here Ario Anindito takes on the art chores with Morry Hollowell and it’s quite nice. His style reminds me a bit of Brian Hurtt mixed with Leinil Yu and it really fits the gritty action of the story.

| Published by Marvel

Weapon X #22 is more irreverent fun with the “new” Weapon X-Force team as they follow the money instead of altruistic reasons for saving people (though their second mission out already sees a reversion to the old remit). It’s a not-so-serious take on what is almost a team entirely composed of villains with a good sense of humour and action from Greg Pak, Fred Van Lente, Yildiray Cinar, and Frank D’Armata. It’s also another good place for some obscure X-mythology insertions and follow-ups in the story.

| Published by Marvel

The Weatherman #3 continues to keep readers a little off balance with some of the elements in the story, echoing what’s going on with out protagonist, Nathan Bright. Jody LeHeup, Nathan Fox, and Dave Stewart are crafting something here that feels a lot like some of the zanier action strips from 2000 AD and it’s pretty glorious.

| Published by Image

Other Highlights: Analog #5, Babyteeth #12, Cinema Purgatorio #15, Crude #5, Deadpool: Assassin #5, Doctor Strange #4, Edge of Spider-Geddon #1, Evolution #9, Infinity 8 #5, Jeepers Creepers #4, Jim Henson’s Beneath the Dark Crystal #2, Jughead: The Hunger #7, Mage: The Hero Denied #11, Manifest Destiny #36, Mighty Morphin Power Rangers #30, Mysticons - Volume 1, Proxima Centauri #3, RuinWorld #2, Sherlock Holmes: The Vanishing Man #4, Spider: School’s Out #6, Star Trek: The Next Generation - Terra Incognita #2, Star Wars: Beckett #1, Star Wars: Poe Dameron #30, Summit #8, TMNT: Bebop & Rocksteady Hit the Road #3, TMNT: Urban Legends #4, Usagi Yojimbo: The Hidden #5, The Wicked + The Divine #38, Witchfinder: The Gates of Heaven #4

Recommended Collections: Bettie Page - Volume 2: Model Agent, East of West - Volume 8, Hellboy: The Complete Short Stories - Volume 2, Kill or Be Killed - Volume 4, Old Man Hawkeye - Volume 1: An Eye for an Eye, , Peter Parker: The Spectacular Spider-Man - Volume 3: Amazing Fantasy, Rose - Volume 2, Transformers: Lost Light - Volume 3

d. emerson eddy has now been doing this incarnation of weekly round-ups for a year. Has it really been that long?

#This Week in Comics

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freshwater--mermaid · 7 years ago

Text

Ersatz Ch 21: Earthbound

Both Danny and Vlad stood in the small guest bedroom of the Fenton household, the sounds of everyone else having breakfast coming in through the closed door.

Danny raised an eyebrow at the blank-faced man before him, the seconds dragging on in continued silence.

Finally, Vlad blinked, his expression turning into one of disapproval.

"Daniel, I will not be showing up any time you wish just to distract your parents so that you can go into the Ghost Zone alone."

"I didn't say you had to come over all the time! Just visit occasionally, like you do now." Danny argued. "How else am I ever going to discover everything in there? I don't get a lot of opportunities to be in the lab for hours without my parents noticing."

"First, I don't think you fully appreciate just how large the Ghost Zone actually is." Vlad said. "Second, have you forgotten how dangerous I said it was to venture around in there while alone?"

"Oh please, there wasn't a single ghost in sight." Danny replied. "Even that big castle I got to was completely empty."

Vlad sighed. "You're very lucky that whatever creature guarded that territory was not around."

Danny threw his hands into the air in frustration.

"Well how else am I supposed to learn more about the Ghost Zone if I can't explore it?"

Vlad smiled, only adding to Danny's annoyance.

"Now I never said that."

The man's smile grew into a smirk, giving Danny the all-too-familiar feeling that he was being laughed at.

"Don't misunderstand me, Daniel." Vlad continued, ignoring the teen's frown. "I'm very impressed with your initiative. Deciding to map out the Ghost Zone is a smart idea. Doing it alone is the part that I'm in disagreement with."

Vlad walked around Danny, heading toward the door as he spoke.

"And besides, I myself have been charting the ghost zone for years now."

"You what?" Danny couldn't help but raise his voice in surprise.

"But I will be more than happy to go with you when the next opportunity arises." Vlad said, opening the door. "After all, I haven't explored this particular area yet."

With that, the man walked out of the room, leaving Danny with a mix of curiosity and frustration, which had become the norm after their conversations.

Sighing to himself, Danny walked out of the room as well, entering the living room. Vlad had joined with the group in the kitchen, choosing to stand at the counter rather than try to find a place at the over-crowded table. He politely refused Maddie's offer of food.

Danny chose an empty seat crammed between Sam and Jazz. The former was listening to Jack and Tucker discuss one of Jack's inventions, and the latter was trying to ignore everyone as she read from a small book.

"Hi, sweetheart." Maddie greeted her son, retrieving a plate of bacon and eggs. "I saved some breakfast for you. Now eat up quick; you kids will need to leave soon."

Danny glanced down at the plate as it was set before him, pushing it away slightly.

"Not hungry, Mom." he said.

Maddie frowned down at him, but was overtaken by Tucker and Jack, who halted conversation long enough to lunge at Danny's plate, devouring its contents.

~* ~* ~* ~* ~* ~* ~* ~* ~* ~* ~* ~* ~* ~*

School was mostly a blur, which was nothing new. Danny passed his classes in silent thought, interrupted only twice. Once when Dash 'tripped' while exiting a classroom, causing him to grab Danny's head and slam it hard onto his desk. The second break in Danny's mental wandering came in the form of a text from Vlad during Study Hall.

It read simply: Meet me in your parents' workshop this evening.

Danny knew it could only mean one thing; a trip into the Ghost Zone.

It was honestly exciting, the thought of traversing about with someone who had actual knowledge and experience of the otherworldly realm. Danny spent the remainder of his final class wondering what locations might be nearby that he hadn't discovered yet. It felt so much like something out of one of his favorite sci fi space adventure movies. He wished Tucker had left behind his recording equipment so Danny could film it all.

'Maybe he'll be able to run home and get his things before too much time passes.' he thought, the bell sounding loudly overhead.

Gathering his things, Danny was up and out the door in moments, making it outside to wait on his friends before the first sprinting students burst out the front doors.

After several minutes of waiting impatiently, Tucker and Sam finally appeared amid the crowd of faces. He waved at them, gaining their attention, and they wore relieved expressions as they walked toward him.

"Where were you?" Sam asked.

"Waiting out here." Danny answered, as though it were the most obvious thing.

"You didn't stop by our lockers." Sam continued. "We thought something might have happened."

"Like what?" Danny laughed, leading the way down the sidewalk.

"Hey man, with all the weirdness seeking you out lately, you can't really blame us." Tucker reasoned.

Danny mentally conceded to their point, choosing to change the subject with a question.

"Hey Tuck, d'you think you could bring over your camera and things to my place?"

"Why?" Tucker asked.

"Me and Mr Masters are going through the portal again and I figured you'd want-"

"Woah wait, what?" Sam interrupted. "Danny, I don't think that's a good idea."

Danny sighed audibly, rolling his eyes at his friend.

"Sam, come on, you can't keep assuming he's bad news."

"I just don't think it's smart to go wandering the Ghost Zone with that guy."

"As apposed to wandering it by myself. Yeah, much safer."

Sam frowned heavily at him, crossing her arms defensively.

"Well either way," she said, "We already made plans for this afternoon, remember?"

Danny's expression blanked out, his mind casting about for the answer, and coming up dry.

Now it was Sam's turn to sigh harshly. "Our Halloween project? The little fruit jack o' lanterns? Any of this ringing a bell?"

Danny's eyes widened "Oh! I…forgot."

The three shared an awkward silence as they continued walking, the turn toward Sam's street approaching. Finally, as they reached the end of the block, Sam spoke up.

"Just head home, Danny." she said. "Me and Tucker have this. It's just carving up fruit."

Danny gave her a smile before running quickly across the crosswalk before its light changed, waving his goodbye over his shoulder.

"Be careful!" Sam called after him.

She shared a quick glance with Tucker before the two turned and continued down their own path.

~* ~* ~* ~* ~* ~* ~* ~* ~* ~* ~* ~* ~* ~*

Danny walked down to the lab, bracing himself to once again see the ghost woman laid out on the table, or something equally unsettling. Instead, he saw only Vlad, reading through notes at his mother's desk.

"Where's my mom and dad?" Danny asked as he stepped fully into the room. "I thought they were taking a break from ghost hunting nights to work on upgrading their weapons?"

"They are." Vlad answered, not looking up. "And it's very interesting what information they've gathered just from the few encounters they've had recently. And of course, their study of subject o-one has been a great benefit."

"O-what?" Danny asked.

"O-one. The name they've given to their one and only captive ghost." Vlad elaborated, looking up at the teen. "I was told that they have you to thank for her capture."

Danny wasn't sure how to react to that statement, and so settled for looking down at his mother's notes and blueprints.

"Why are you going through her research?"

"To get a better idea of how these new weapons they're creating will operate. You should do the same whenever you can."

Vlad set the notebook down upon the table, once again looking at Danny.

"I do think you're squandering a great opportunity, Daniel. As I've said before, having access to this lab and all of its contents, as well as your parents' knowledge, is something that could only benefit you."

Danny walked away from the man, toward the closed portal.

"As much as I love standing around getting lectured, I think we should get moving before my parents come back from wherever you sent them."

"No need to worry about that." Vlad smiled, pulling back a sleeve to glance down at his watch. "By my estimation, we should have a little less than fourteen hours before your parents are awake enough to notice our absence."

"Awake enough?"

"A simple sedative, as before. Nothing to fret over."

Danny wanted to be mad about Vlad once again drugging his parents, but found that it wasn't that much of a bother. It wasn't as if the extra sleep would hurt them, after all.

With that affirming thought, Danny pushed the activation button, watching the portal doors slide open. The white room became awash in a green glow, Danny and Vlad casting pale shadows as they stood before the portal.

~* ~* ~* ~* ~* ~* ~* ~* ~* ~* ~* ~* ~* ~*

Sam removed the basket of various fruits from a kitchen cabinet, setting it on the counter before turning to Tucker.

"Alright, which one do you want to carve up first?" she asked.

"The orange." he replied. "I could use a snack."

"You can't peel it, Tuck." Sam replied.

"I can scoop its insides out and eat it that way." the boy smiled at his own logic.

Sam shrugged, opening a drawer filled with knives of different sizes.

"Okay," she continued. "Pick your weapon."

Tucker deliberated momentarily, before grinning and pulling out the largest knife in the drawer.

"You can't carve an orange with that." Sam smiled, taking the knife and giving him one that was notably smaller.

"Not with that attitude. Where's your Halloween spirit?" Tucker joked, looking over his orange and thinking of where to start.

Sam set her own knife on the countertop, closing the drawer and selecting a tiny watermelon from the basket. It took her longer than Tucker to cut open the top. When she finally had it removed, she took a spoon and began scooping out the pale red insides, dropping them onto a plate.

"You gonna eat that?" Tucker spoke through a mouthful of orange mush, gesturing at the plate.

"Help yourself." Sam rolled her eyes with a smile.

~* ~* ~* ~* ~* ~* ~* ~* ~* ~* ~* ~* ~* ~*

"So there's really nothing worth it behind any of these doors?" Danny said, disappointment clear in his voice as he looked around at them all.

"I assure you, my boy, nothing of any real interest lies beyond any of these doors." Vlad assured, gesturing for Danny to follow him as they continued away from the Fenton Works island.

"They are home to ghosts too weak to conjure anything more than a room or two from faded memories. In fact, anything that you take from these rooms would simply dissolve into pure ectoplasm in minutes."

Any further questions Danny had were halted as Vlad pointed ahead.

"I believe that's the castle you visited before?"

"That's the one." Danny confirmed. "Don't get excited, though. It's a lot farther away than it looks."

"Then we'd better pick up the pace." Vlad said, rocketing away in almost the blink of an eye.

Danny started in surprise before taking off at full speed. He caught up to Vlad in seconds, the elder of the two remaining several feet ahead.

After continuing on this way for a while, Danny cupped his hands around his mouth and shouted.

"Hey, slow down!"

Vlad instantly halted flight, and Danny dove to the side. His leg still clipped Vlad's side, and he was sent spinning. Vlad quickly grabbed him by the arm, and Danny held his eyes shut and waited for the dizziness to pass. He grimaced at the pain in his leg and arm.

"I said slow down, not stop." he griped. "And how can you go that fast for so long, anyway?"

"It all comes from practice, Daniel." Vlad answered, keeping his grip on the boy and continuing forward at a slower rate.

Danny soon stopped seeing stars, and pulled his arm away. He was glad to see that they were almost at their destination.

"So how many years did it take to get as fast as you are?" he asked.

"Not too many." Vlad answered over his shoulder. "About ten, I'd say."

Danny groaned, his shoulder slumping down.

"Man, it's gonna take forever before I can do anything as good as you can!"

"You'll soon find that time holds little weight." Vlad said. "The years begin to feel like weeks."

"Wow, really?" Danny asked. "So…it doesn't feel like that long ago since you died?"

"At times it feels like only yesterday."

Vlad then held up a hand, bringing both the flight and the conversation to an end. They were still many yards away from the castle walls. Danny looked at it for a moment before glancing toward Vlad, surprised by the intense look on the man's face.

"What are you doing?" he asked.

Vlad didn't answer, but instead became tense, looking around with a hard expression before his gaze fell on Danny.

"Do not go near this area again."

With those short words, he turned left and began flying away. Danny looked back at the castle before catching up with the elder ghost.

"So, let me guess," he began, keeping abreast with Vlad thanks to the slow pace. "You're not going to tell me what spooked you about that place, you're just gonna expect me to follow your every word."

"I told you that I have spent years charting every location in this realm, remember?"

"Yeah, what does that have to do with anything?"

"I haven't told you this yet, but your little island occupies a far corner of the Ghost Zone." Vlad said, searching the landscape as he spoke. "That is why you see so little activity where you are, and why everything is so far away."

Danny thought for a moment, taking in the information.

"So, in terms of ghost realty, I got placed in the countryside of the Ghost Zone? And there are, like, ghost cities packed with wall to wall ghosts and their homes?"

"Yes," Vlad answered. "I'm not sure what causes certain territories to manifest where they do. It seems to be entirely random, and in your case bad luck."

"Bad luck?" Danny questioned. "Yeah, I guess. Living around other ghosts would be cooler than being in the middle of nowhere."

"Actually, that works to your advantage." Vlad countered. "Being so isolated means that the more intelligent spirits are less likely to find your home. If you lived among them, you would likely be fighting them from your territory often. What I meant by bad luck is the fact that you live so near to that fortress."

"The castle? I wouldn't exactly call it near."

Vlad frowned at the teen. "I meant my earlier words, Daniel. Do not go to that place anymore."

"Then tell me what's so bad about it!" Danny exclaimed, throwing his hands out in frustration.

"It belongs to a very powerful and very malevolent creature." Vlad replied. "Let's be thankful that you didn't wake it when you first stumbled around inside its lair."

"So its asleep?"

"In a sense, yes. Now come on, I see something ahead."

Vlad flew forward, staying in front as he led the way toward another building.

~* ~* ~* ~* ~* ~* ~* ~* ~* ~* ~* ~* ~* ~*

"Now hold it still for a few seconds." Sam instructed.

"I know how glue works."Tucker replied dryly, but with a smile. He had to admit internally that this was turning out to be more fun than he had originally thought when he'd suggested the idea.

Sam lightly hit him over the arm for his quip, causing him to lean away from her.

"Hey! Watch the glue, Sam." he said mockingly.

"How about I just glue your mouth shut and give myself some peace and quiet." Sam shot back with a grin.

"I'd like to see you try."

Sam gave him a threatening smile for his bold words, waving the glue around before using it for one of her own tiny jack o' lanterns. She hoped that she would be able to clean all the glue off of the fancy platter once Halloween was over. If her parents found out she was using it for the display, she'd be grounded. But she decided to worry about those details later.

"This is starting to look really good." she said, looking at the little pineapple and squash that were already set in place. "It really was a great idea, Tuck."

"I'm a genius, I know." Tucker smiled, before certain thoughts has his bright expression falling.

"You think Danny's okay?" he asked after a brief silence.

Sam's face also dimmed, her eyes remaining on the platter.

"Yeah, he'll be okay." she said.

Another silence followed, both friends' concern mixing in the air between them. Finally, Sam broke through it with a smile, looking at Tucker.

"Either way, he's missing out on a great time. This is a lot of fun."

Tucker returned her smile, gluing the final piece onto the display. They both gazed at it proudly.

"Hey, wanna make some popcorn and watch that new horror flick?" the boy asked.

"Night of the Shewolf? You've seen it like ten times already." Sam replied.

"Yeah, but werewolf ladies, Sam." Tucker argued, his voice becoming dreamy.

"You've got some messed up taste, Tuck." Sam said, shaking her head.

"So is that a yes?"

"It's a yes. I'll start the popcorn."

~* ~* ~* ~* ~* ~* ~* ~* ~* ~* ~* ~* ~* ~*

The building before them was tall and square, with a flat roof and little windows set in perfect rows all around. It reminded Danny of the old abandoned buildings in downtown.

"Be careful." Vlad cautioned in a quiet voice, slowly approaching the double doors at the front of the floating building.

"Why are we going in?" Danny asked. "I thought you wanted me to avoid these places."

"Creating an accurate map of this area requires knowing what kind of spirit lives in each territory. Now, keep behind me." Vlad answered.

Reaching a hand out, he slowly pushed open one of the doors, its hinges screeching out loudly, as though they hadn't been disturbed in decades. Danny peered over Vlad's shoulder as the man gazed cautiously around inside, both of them trying to see through the thick darkness.

A scraping noise caused Danny to jump, and Vlad fired a single shot of ectoplasm into the shadows. The pink glow cast a pale light from where it stuck to a far wall, and the two were able to distinguish the figures of old wooden boxes and crates. They sat stacked in neat rows, as if they were a library. Some of them wore labels with no words printed upon them.

The sound was heard again, and this time they could see the cause. A single, small box shuffled only a few centimeters out from behind a distant row, as though it were trying to peer around the corner at them.

Vlad held up his hand once more, liquid ectoplasm churning in his palm.

"Wait, don't!" Danny exclaimed, grabbing onto Vlad's arm. "We can't just go around blasting ghosts that haven't done anything. It's probably just some ghost of a rat or something."

"Here now, I am no mere rat!" cried a voice from within the room.

The box from before opened up, a blue glow coming from within. The glow then shot up into the air, quickly taking form. In moments the figure of a short, fat man hovered in the centre of the room, arms crossed and looking down at the pair with an indignant glare.

"I am not some filthy rodent; it is I, the great and powerful Box Ghost!" he gestured widely as he spoke. "Why have you awoken me from my slumber?"

Danny couldn't help but chuckle at the strange spirit's antics. His clothes and accent made the teen guess he was from the forties, but the way he spoke so dramatically reminded Danny of a high school kid trying to quote Shakespeare.

Vlad also seemed rather unimpressed, holding the unspent energy in his hand still and raising an eyebrow at the ghost's theatrics.

As silence dragged on, the self-proclaimed Box Ghost slowly fell out of his dramatic pose, looking down on the intruders with confusion.

"Why do you not tremble in fear at the sight of the mighty Box Ghost!" he demanded.

"Because you're anything but scary, dude." Danny said with a shrug.

The teen was honestly relieved that at least one of his distant neighbors wasn't a monstrous creature to be avoided.

"How dare you slander me!" the Box Ghost cried, rising higher into the air.

Vlad didn't wait to hear the rest of the speech that was obviously about to come. Instead, he sent out the gathered energy in his hand, sending it out in a sweeping gesture. It collided with the Box Ghost and sent him crashing into the far wall. The pink liquid stuck around his middle, pinning his arms and holding him against the wall. The short ghost struggled against his bonds, but the ectoplam held strong.

"Now that that is over with, let's move on." he said, straightening his shirt with a sigh before turning and exiting the building.

Danny watched the ghost continue to struggle and mumble curses and threats, before he turned and followed after Vlad.

"Uh, is he going to be able to get out eventually?" Danny asked as they flew onward.

"He will." Vlad answered, a self-satisfied smile curving across his face. "Eventually."

"I'm going to mark that location as an 'avoid at all costs'." the man added after a moment, annoyance painted clearly in his tone, earning a grin from Danny.

The boy began looking around, wondering what other strange locations and bizarre inhabitants they would come upon in the hours to come. Suddenly fourteen hours felt like far too little time, and Danny wished there was some way to remain in this realm for as long as he wished. He wanted to explore every corner.

#ersatz au #danny phantom #vlad masters #ghost zone #danny fenton #vlad being a mentor #sam and tucker bonding #both those dynamics are a lot of fun to write

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terramythos · 7 years ago

Text

Review: Annihilation (The Southern Reach #1) by Jeff Vandermeer (REREAD)

Genre/Tags: Speculative Fiction, Weird, Horror, Psychological Horror, Cosmic Horror, Ecological Horror, Science Fiction, Female Protagonist, Nameless Protagonist, Suspense, Strong Setting, Strong Worldbuilding, Journal, First-Person, Novella-Length, Foreshadowing, Unreliable Narrator, Trilogy, Mystery, Flashbacks, Perfect Score

Length: 195 pages.

Warning(s): Graphic violence and gore at times (though not how you might expect). Body horror is depicted both explicitly and implied through context. Altered mind states are a plot point and you see in detail how they affect certain people. Much of this read isn’t cozy or comfortable, as horror tends to go, so consider yourself warned.

My Rating: 5 / 5 (Highly Recommended)

**Minor Spoilers and My Thoughts Follow**

Some questions will ruin you if you are denied the answer long enough.

~ The biologist.

My Summary: Area X, a vast wilderness stretching across a portion of the Pacific Northwest, has been overtaken by nature in the fallout of a mysterious, cataclysmic event. Now devoid of human life, a clandestine organization known as The Southern Reach continually sends expeditions into Area X to investigate and uncover its mysteries. Prior attempts have been fraught with disappearances, sudden violence, and suicides. The most recent, known as the eleventh expedition, returned as shells of their former selves before dying of systemic cancer.

Four women comprise the twelfth expedition-- a biologist, a psychologist, a surveyor, and an anthropologist. The story is told from the perspective of the biologist recalling what happened to her and the others. Throughout the story looms the presence of Area X-- its eerie wilderness, abandoned lighthouse, and a mysterious tunnel the biologist calls The Tower delving deep into the earth. Strange creatures and occurrences plague the biologist and the other expedition members, and the few answers to be had leave so many more questions. As the story progresses, we learn more about the biologist and her connection-- both past and present-- to Area X. And some, but not all, mysteries of Area X are revealed.

The Good:

You can tell from my rating, but this is one of my favorite books (and series) of all time. It might be my favorite horror story in general. It’s eerie, beautiful, and creepy. The writing is masterful, and I appreciate it even more on a reread. Don’t be fooled by the length-- the whole series is a heavy and consuming read. Many seem to find it confusing (and on a first read, I can see why). But for me, it’s a series that gripped me and never quite let go. I always wanted to know more and relished the mystery. Even now I’m combing the pages for more clues.

I admire the number of horror subgenres this book uses without seeming clunky or disconnected. The first-person perspective of the biologist makes for an interesting psychological horror, especially as she realizes her thought patterns are changing outside her control. Body horror goes without saying and appears in many forms (har har). Especially as the story progresses, there’s definitely a sense of cosmic horror. And finally, I would credit this series with inventing (or at least perfecting) something I can only describe as ecological horror.

Area X as a setting feels alive, which I think is the point. It’s one of the most present settings that I’ve encountered in fiction, and it feels vibrant and terrifying. The lighthouse and The Tower in particular are memorable, haunting locations and I love how they both serve the narrative.

I am equal parts impressed and infuriated with the foreshadowing in this book. Several innocuous lines reference events in future books (the quote I picked is one of them-- and you probably wouldn’t guess how). One of the most insidious examples is the use of a specific word, which I won’t spoil. It always makes sense in context, so as a first-time reader you probably won’t pick up on it. I certainly didn’t. But as someone who knows the series ending, I found myself yelling every time I came across it. The level of foreshadowing complements one of the series’ main themes-- subliminal information and ideas. I decided to tag the pieces I caught-- I’ll include a photo of what my copy looks like.

The biologist is a great unreliable narrator because she conveys it on several levels. Sometimes she mentions she’s left certain information out to make herself “seem objective”. Other times, her mind seems to wander in ways that hint at what’s going on. I can’t really say more than that without spoilers, but it’s a nice touch. Her profession and (rapidly failing) objectivity ties well into the story, so she’s a good protagonist in general.

The eerie tone of the whole thing is difficult to describe here, but it’s a definite plus of the work. I felt creeped out and intrigued throughout most of the read.

The Neutral:

This is a series that pretty much requires all three books. Some of Area X’s mysteries are discovered in this one. Some of them. But if you’re like me you’ll want to know more, and to do that you have to read the other two books, both of which are much longer than this one. I can’t recommend Annihilation if you’re looking for a short read, because you will probably leave unsatisfied.

A common complaint I see for this book is the taciturn nature of the main character. The biologist is a selfish, standoffish, and flawed character. But I raise the argument that the people who complain about her probably wouldn’t really care about this if the biologist were, say, a dude who exhibited these traits. I personally like having a flawed and well-written protagonist, especially an unreliable narrator. As such, this aspect of the story never bugged me. I suspect it wouldn’t bug most of the people who read my reviews.

The Bad

If I HAD to pick something, it’s that the only character that really seems fleshed out in this entry is the biologist and what we learn about her husband. The other three women don’t serve a substantial purpose, except for the psychologist who acts as an antagonist. I will say that in future books, the psychologist is expanded on considerably and becomes a very interesting character. The surveyor and anthropologist, however, don’t do much for the story now or in the future.This feels like a loose end considering how well the rest of the series ties together.

Final Thoughts:

If you want to dive into this one as a first-time reader, welcome! I’ll admit this book might not be for everyone, but it certainly appealed to me. As one of my favorite series, I can’t really recommend it enough. It’s a great horror novel that avoids most schlocky horror tropes. There are a lot of mysteries in this story, so you’ll need patience if you want to find them all. I think it’s well worth it and hope you’ll give it a try. I think the payoff at the end of the third book was worth it and found the twists throughout the series to be satisfying. It has definitely influenced my taste in horror and my own writing choices.

Rereading this book was a treat for someone who’s read the trilogy before and has an idea of what’s going on. There’s so much lovingly crafted setup in this first entry that I admire it as a writer-- and hope to do something like it myself someday. It’s always a good sign when I pick up on foreshadowing on a second round and it pisses me off; that means it’s doing its job.

I don’t want to go into much more detail because many of my favorite things are spoilers. But if you do choose to read it, I’d love to hear what you think!

Side Note:

I feel like it’s worth noting that there’s an upcoming movie adaptation of this book starring Natalie Portman. The cast looks good, but I’m not thrilled for two reasons. First, the lead is whitewashed (yeah, her race isn’t revealed in the first book, but come on). Second, it was written before the other two books were even published. One of the best parts of this series is how a multitude of clues set up the final ending. I feel that an adaptation of Annihilation is doomed without the context of Authority or Acceptance. It might be an interesting movie, but I wish it were its own thing.

Look at all that foreshadowing! Look at it! Argh!

#taylor reviews #reread reviews #taylor reads

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