#and I don't want to be upset or angry with her when I don't know how long she's got left
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My Thoughts on the Driftmark Situation
So, first of all, I feel like it's important to note in this situation that everyone involved in the initial fight was a CHILD---Luce was 4-5, Jace was 6-7, we can assume that Baela and Rhaena were of similar ages to them, and Aemond was 11-12. It's ridiculous to expect children, especially grieving children who just lost their mother, to act logically and with the same maturity/emotional intelligence as grown ass adults---children are children and they're going to react to things as such, which often means they're going to go with their gut reactions, which means they're going to make mistakes and stupid decisions.
Aemond, when claiming Vhagar, wasn't thinking at all about- "hey, Baela and Rhaena's mom just died and this was her dragon, it'd probably be a dick move to claim it on the NIGHT OF HER FUNERAL" -he was just thinking that he didn't have a dragon, here was a dragon, and he wanted it. His thoughts didn't extend to anyone else, anything else, or the fact that it was incredibly dangerous for him to be doing that.
Baela and Rhaena, when waking up Jace and Luce to go confront Aemond, were not thinking- "hey, it'd probably be unfair to go confront and/or fight Aemond for claiming Vhagar, and this is probably a situation we should talk to our parents/grandparents about" -they were thinking that their mother just died and someone just stole her dragon, one of the few things they have of her, which they wanted to try and let Rhaena claim since she didn't have one. Their thoughts didn't extend to whether or not confronting Aemond was a bad idea, just that they were angry and upset.
Jace and Luce, when woken up, weren't thinking- "hey, we should go get a trusted adult to help us figure this out" -they were thinking that Baela and Rhaena were angry and upset, that they needed help, so they went to help them. Furthermore, in the fight, Luce wasn't thinking- "ah yes, I want to cut out Aemond's eye as punishment and because I'm an asshole" -he was thinking that Aemond was threatening his brother's life, he was scared, and he needed to protect him---he didn't aim for his eye on purpose, it was a gut move done to try and protect his brother and it just so happened to hit his eye.
Again, these were CHILDREN, they weren't thinking with the same level-headedness or maturity that we should expect from adults---everything that happened was an accident, and I place the blame firmly on the ADULTS in the situation.
Firstly, WHERE WERE THE KNIGHTS?
We know that Criston Cole was supposed to be on the night's watch, but clearly he wasn't doing his job if one of the king's sons can sneak out into the middle of nowhere and claim a dragon, the king's grandsons and his nieces can sneak out of the castle as well, and all five of them can get in a brawl.
Even excluding him, though, where were the other knights on watch? Seriously, where were they? None of it would've happened if they were doing their damn jobs, if I were Viserys I would've sent everyone who was supposed to be on watch to the Wall and found different knights to protect me and my blood because CLEARLY the guys I've got don't give a damn.
From there, though, I think that the other adults---mainly Alicent, but also Rhaenyra---handled things completely wrong.
Firstly, to everyone that says- "oh Viserys didn't care about Aemond getting hurt, he didn't do anything about it" -did y'all forget the part where he was livid and RAILING against the guards for allowing the fight to happen? For allowing "his blood" to get hurt? Him literally shouting at them at the top of his lungs asking what the fuck happened? That seems pretty angry to me.
Viserys, surprisingly, was like the only adult aside from Corlys and Rhaenys- (who were focused on making sure Baela and Rhaena were okay) -that actually handled the situation the way it should've been handled---which is definitely a shocker, considering how he usually handles things. Viserys blamed the ADULTS in the situation who allowed it to happen---what Team Green calls him "not caring/doing nothing" is him not being willing to carve out his 4-5 year old grandson's eye for an accident.
Which then brings me to everything else that happened.
Alicent was 100% in the wrong here.
Was it wrong for her to be angry and upset that her child was hurt? Absolutely not, I'd expect nothing less from a mother.
Was it wrong for her to go after a 4-5 year old with a knife? Yes, I don't even know why this is a discussion.
Alicent spent every day of her children's lives sewing hatred in them, insulting and mistreating Rhaenyra and her children, and spreading rumors that could get Rhaenyra and her children killed---yet somehow she's surprised when her children repeat what she's taught them and that gets them in trouble. Viserys told her to shut the fuck up about bastardy and backed up Rhaenyra's kids as legit- (which they were in every way that mattered, as detailed in my post here) -which should've been the end of it, but Alicent didn't shut up and she's shocked that Viserys is pissed that now she has their kids repeating her bullshit?
Viserys didn't yell at Aemond, like TG said he did, he asked him a question about who was spreading the bastard rumors. Furthermore, Rhaenyra didn't say Aemond should be tortured, she said "questioned sharply" in a defensive response to Alicent saying that they should take Luce's eye out---it wasn't a genuine want to harm Aemond, it was an attempt to get the attention off of Luce.
Even Aemond, who is literally the one injured here, tells Alicent to stop and that he doesn't care about his eye because he got a dragon out of it anyway---could he be lying? Sure, but even if he was it shows that he wanted Alicent to stop what she was doing, since we can assume that IF he was lying he was doing it to calm her down/end the situation.
Alicent is the one making things worse and escalating things here and, again, while I don't blame her for being angry and upset and protective, I DO blame her for trying to maim a toddler for something he didn't do on purpose and ONLY did because he thought his brother's life was in danger.
If she wanted to be pissed at someone she should've been pissed at Criston and the other knights who, again, were supposed to be watching those kids---the only reason any of this happened was because they weren't doing their damn jobs. Hell, she could've theoretically even directed her anger at Rhaenyra or Viserys or Corlys or ANY of the other adults in the room, but instead she directed her anger at a CHILD and wanted said child harmed to soothe her anger. That isn't excusable and I'm not going to pretend it is.
And two other things that not a lot of people mention before I move on:
1. Alicent was cruel towards the Velaryon family in this situation as well. Corlys and Rhaenys had just buried their DAUGHTER, Laenor had just buried his SISTER, and yet the first thing she does when someone asks where Laenor is is imply that he's not only having sex---of all things---but with LITTLE BOYS. She is a guest in the Velaryon household, yet she disrespects their son who is very obviously torn apart and grieving his sister, on THE NIGHT OF SAID SISTER'S FUNERAL. Like it's clear that she doesn't give a shit about decorum or kindness or whatever else her stans claim, she'll just take any chance to take a shot at Rhaenyra's loved ones.
And 2. people go on and on about how terrible a father Viserys was because he "yelled at Aemond" (aka asked him a question), but Alicent literally slapped, yelled at, and blamed Aegon for the situation when he was literally also a kid who shouldn't have been held responsible for something he didn't even know was going on! I don't think Viserys was a good father either, but at least hold Alicent to the same parenting standards if you're gonna use Driftmark as an example.
Moving on-
My main gripe with Rhaenyra in this situation is that she should've kept her mouth shut.
After Viserys handled the situation and, mostly, calmed everything down, making that- "thank you, father" -comment was a potshot and I personally think she did it because, after Alicent tormenting her for 10+ years, she wanted to throw it in her face that Viserys wouldn't just let her do ANYTHING she wanted---even if he did give her a lot of leeway. Still, whatever the reasons, Rhae should've just let it be and left with her kids instead of making that comment and intentionally antagonizing Alicent.
We don't know if Alicent would've tried to maim Luce if Rhaenyra didn't make the comment, I personally could see it go either way, but Rhaenyra making that comment ENSURED that Alicent went for the knife. Maybe Rhaenyra didn't know exactly what Alicent would do, but I find it hard to believe that Rhaenyra didn't think she'd do SOMETHING in retaliation. Again, Rhaenyra should've just kept quiet.
Afterwards, though, when Alicent goes for Luce and starts making her speech, I am again on Rhaenyra's side.
Alicent says that she has done nothing but uphold the realm and the family, and that she has sacrificed everything to do so---which, frankly, isn't true. While I 100% sympathize with her situation when she was younger, especially given that she was essentially pimped out to an old man by her father, Alicent is a grown woman by this time and her actions as an ADULT have only been petty, cruel, and led them down a path to war and suffering.
Alicent has done nothing but split their family apart---from tormenting Rhaenyra and her family for 10+ years, to spreading the bastard rumors, spitting in the face of Rhaenyra's every attempt to make peace, publically humiliating Rhaenyra several times, filling Aegon and Aemond's heads with hate for their family, plotting to usurp Rhaenyra's throne, insulting her family behind their backs, and on and on. THAT'S NOT UPHOLDING THE FAMILY!
And upholding the Realm? Alicent has been plotting with Otto for years at that point to usurp Rhaenyra and put Aegon on the throne, and she's known about Otto's plans for even longer than that, KNOWING that usurping the throne will likely lead to war---something that will make the realm suffer in far more ways than one, and something that never really ends well. Again, that's not upholding the Realm, that's fucking it over.
And Alicent asking- "where is duty? where is sacrifice?" -is about her essentially being angry and hateful that Rhaenyra didn't lay down and suffer beside her, that Rhaenyra managed to find happiness in a patriarchal society and didn't bow to the whims of men, she fought and refused to accept the unfairness---she believed that she deserved more than to just be a wife or a broodmare, and she reached for it.
Alicent didn't find happiness in her situation and didn't reach for any sort of freedom for herself, and so she was essentially left with nothing. That is what she's mad about, that she did "everything right" and is still unhappy but Rhaenyra did what was expected of her, albeit in unconventional manners and---to Alicent---the "wrong way," and found happiness. Alicent wanted Rhaenyra to suffer WITH her, not to find happiness and some level of freedom within her confines.
Alicent is jealous of her and wants to tear her down, and because of that she doesn't see all the sacrifices that Rhaenyra DID make and also doesn't see that she could make the system work for her as well if only she'd TRY.
Rhaenyra was forcefully married to a man she didn't want, Rhaenyra lost her best friend as well as her lover in the same night and had to find her footing when there was no one she could trust, Rhaenyra overcame her debilitating fear of childbirth to provide the Realm with heirs, she and Laenor---who both did not like each other in that way, and Laenor was GAY---did try to have kids but it's implied that he's infertile so she also slept with a man she didn't want to try and do her duty, she put up with Alicent's rumors and torment and public humiliation, she even tried to make peace with Alicent despite EVERYTHING and bring the family together.
Rhaenyra did make sacrifices and did try to uphold the family and do her duty to the realm, but Alicent couldn't see that.
Alicent herself was queen, she didn't have to bow to the whims of the society she was in---she could've bent the rules a little, she could've accepted Rhaenyra's attempts at peace and tried to rebuild their relationship, she could've shut her father's conspiracies down and not allowed him to control her, she could've done the same to Larys, she could've tried to find love or---at the very least---a little peace in her life, she could've let Rhaenyra ascend the throne and BE the good queen she believed she would've been, she could've let Aegon and Aemond and Helaena live their lives in peace instead of war.
She didn't have to bow to society's expectations, she had power, she could've done that and it would've been fine! Good, even! But she couldn't see that either.
Alicent's prison was one that, after a certain point, she built herself---and she had the key to get out but wouldn't use it. Instead, she threw it out the window and blamed Rhaenyra for not doing the same. That's what that whole speech was about, not anything that Rhaenyra had actually done, not the fight, not even Aemond's eye. It was about her jealousy.
Rhaenyra's response is a culmination of all the abuse that she's suffered at Alicent's hands over the past decade coming to light- "now they see you as you are" -now everyone sees what you really think, what you've been trying to hide, now I and everyone else know that the things you've done to me have been intentionally cruel and petty and you can't hide that behind excuses anymore. You don't care about "the family" or the realm or honor or bastardy or duty or sacrifice or right or wrong, all you care about is having me suffer alongside you for the crime of fighting for more.
And, after all of that, Alicent injures the HEIR TO THE THRONE---queen or not, that's grounds for execution, especially given that Alicent is only apart of the ruling family by marriage. But we can assume that Viserys let it go because he loved Alicent and because he wanted the whole situation over and done with, he didn't want to deal with it because---again---it's that lack of backbone that keeps popping up with him.
Overall, I just think this whole situation could've been avoided if people had just done their fucking jobs and I think Team Green purposefully misrepresent what happens on Driftmark because 1. they want to be able to justify Aemond murdering Luce, even though it's not justifiable, 2. it actually shows Viserys caring about ALL of his family, including the Greens, and 3. it makes Alicent look bad.
But just as a general rule, how about we all stop blaming the kids, yeah?
#a song of ice and fire#house of the dragon#anti team green#team black#rhaenyra targaryen#jacerys velaryon#lucerys velaryon#laenor velaryon#rhaenys targaryen#corlys velaryon#viserys targaryen#aemond targaryen#aegon ii targaryen#anti alicent hightower#anti alicent stans#alicent hightower critical#anti criston cole
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How would either tfp autobots or tfo react to their homan $h-ing?
-germ anon
let's go with tfp because there's more to work with there.
optimus - ever seen that comic where superman talks the suicidal woman down from jumping? that's how i imagine optimus would be. as much as it pains him to see his human self harming, he tells them that he won't stop them, but if they have any hope that things will get better, then he'll be there for them. it usually ends with him holding his human while they break down in his arms. at least they're safe now. that's what matters to him.
ratchet - ratchet's been down that road before. it may be different for cybertronians, but he recognizes what they're doing. he goes full protective grandpa, visibly angry, taking away anything that his human might use to harm themself. he seems upset with them, but he's worried. once he calms down. he opens up to them, explaining that he's been down that path, that he might not know what his human is going through, but he can guess how they feel. it ends with him extending an offer to talk whenever his human feels the urge rise again; he just doesn't want to see someone else go through what he has. no one deserves that.
bumblebee - goes the distraction route. his human can't hurt themself if they're doing something else, right? he goes out of his way to invite them to do things with him. video games? cartoons? going for a drive? whatever they like best, he'll offer to do it with them. sometimes, people just need someone to be there for them, and he's more than willing to be that person.
bulkhead - the big sweetie that he is, he instantly gets nervous when he sees what his human's doing. once he realizes what's happening, he pulls them closer and asks them what's wrong. if his human doesn't wanna say, he's content to just be there for them. if they wanna talk, he hears them out and tries to reason with them. either way, he's surprisingly gentle with them, considering his size, and explains that things may hurt, but hey, they're not on their own in this. they don't have to go it alone. he can help them out, he's tough enough to help them shoulder their burdens.
arcee - she's not that great at comforting people - she has a lot of her own struggles that make it difficult - but that won't stop her from trying. she stays calm, helping them set aside whatever they're using to hurt themself and offering to talk things over with her human over a long ride. maybe her human talks about what's going on. maybe they don't, and they spend the whole ride trying to clear their head. either way, arcee makes it clear that she can be a rock for them if they need it. she knows what it's like to hurt, and she doesn't want her human to feel like they have to handle it all on their own.
cliffjumper - bless his spark, this bot's an idiot. considering how he's always cracking jokes and trying to lighten the mood, that's where he goes when he notices his human so upset. the moment it hits him that this is serious, he starts to freak out internally. once he's more level headed, he offers to talk through things with them over some food. after he comes back from grabbing you something he knows they like, it turns into him listening as his human explains everything. he's definitely not the best at anything to do with emotions. that won't stop him from trying, through, and he's determined to be there for his person.
wheeljack - he's probably one of the worst at handling emotions, let's be real. most of his therapy involves fighting vehicons and blowing things up. that being said, he offers to take his human for a ride up in the jackhammer to help them get their mind off of things. he'll ask them questions about what drove them to this point, and for once, he doesn't have anything witty or snarky to say. he's there to offer his advice and to let you know that they've got people who are willing to help them. and hey, if no one else is there, he'll be there if they need him.
smokescreen - he's pretty clueless about what's happening. he's never seen anyone back on cybertron do this, so he doesn't know what to do when he sees his human self harming. he starts asking a lot of questions at first - what's going on? what are you doing? why are you doing this? eventually, he realizes that this might not be the right thing to do once he sees his human getting more upset. he gathers that maybe they just need someone to be there for them. he's not the brightest with emotions, but point him in the right direction, and he'll learn quickly how to help his human for the future.
#i've been there before so a lot of this draws from my own experience#cw self harm#cw self harm mentions#transformers#optimus prime#ratchet#bumblebee#bulkhead#arcee#cliffjumper#wheeljack#smokescreen#transformers prime#tfp optimus prime#tfp ratchet#tfp bumblebee#tfp bulkhead#tfp arcee#tfp cliffjumper#tfp wheeljack#tfp smokescreen#transformers x reader#maccadam#answering things
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Random af Dallas Winston headcanons!!! (sad stuff included because I can't not ugh) ♡
Dallas doesn't smoke to look tuff, he's got it just as bad as ponyboy. After he told Johnny and Ponyboy to go to the abandoned church, he ends up smoking so much, pacing around his room until he has a coughing fit, and buck makes him stop.
(Movie dallas btw) He's insecure about how big his eyebrows are. He plucks at them unconsciously, until someone points it out. Along with this, he has this weird fear of getting a unibrow because his dad had one, and he constantly scratches between his eyebrows, just in case one is there. (There's not.)
He has ADHD, and can not stop moving ever. I imagine him and Johnny going to a diner, and he's just spacing out, bouncing his leg, and doesn't notice the violently shaking table until Johnny says his name.
After they found Johnny in the lot, Steve and Soda pop had to stop him from finding and (probably) killing the socs. He was so fucking angry.
Steve doesn't fuck with Dallas, and Dallas doesn't fuck with Steve. They once got into a fight and both got *real* fucked up, and now they're both kind of rivals.
Dallas is strong, we know that, but he has muscular legs. Because if he rides horses, ain't no way he's gonna have chicken legs.
He has HUGE hands. Sometimes, he just grabs Ponyboy's entire face. Why wouldn't he?
He doesn't actually like alcohol. Unlike with the smoking thing, he only does it to look tuff. Sometimes, he swaps it out with some soda. Even better, if he does it looks like he has a high tolerance = more tuff.
He really only has street smarts. He dropped out of school when he was 13 and moved to Tulsa, and his parents never bothered signing him back up. He didn't mind though. He stayed with the Curtis's during school hours, and he actually gained a little weight because Mrs. Curtis spoiled him with baked goods.
Once he grew up more, and the greaser vs soc conflict started getting more apparent in his life(and when he started getting an ass), he began losing weight by running.
Speaking of running, he can run for a VERY long time. He got used to running from cops, and he got hella stamina. I like to believe when cops see him doing some illegal shit like starting a fight, they don't bother getting out of the car, because that kid is going to sprint. (But Dallas is smarter, he waits for them to get out first.)
he can NOT grow facial hair. Even though he has light skin and dark hair, he can't grow one for shit. One time he got called 'Babyface' by a girl, and it destroyed his ego. So when he learned Johnny would occasionally shave (like once a week) he was kind of pissed.
He wants a piercing, but he's terrified of needles.
He's gotten used to sleeping on hard benches in prison cells, so he can sleep anywhere he wants, even in jeans.
He definitely prefers soc girls. He doesn't really know why, but he likes the contrast of his greaser personality and a soc in a relationship. He thinks it makes it more fun.
When he learned Sylvia was cheating on him when he was in prison, he was a lot more upset than he let on. He used to visit her every day, and now he just solemnly hung around with the Curtis's.
He chews on his necklace a lot. Darry tells him to quit, but he don't listen. One time, Darry just got pissed and grabbed Dallas by the jaw, and told him (very angrily) to spit it out.
He can eat stupid fast. He got good at it from when he was in prison and had to eat quickly (even if he hated the food) so nobody would take it. He does get sick from it occasionally, but he can hold it down.
One of my really obscure headcanons is that Dallas is half-korean from his mom. He doesn't speak a bunch of Korean because he doesn't live with his mom anymore, but he likes fucking with new officers by pretending he can't speak English. Also, he doesn't really like bringing up his ethnicity because it reminds him of his mom too much.
As I have reblogged before, he can not swim. Pass it on.
that's all I have for now!!!! Love y'all 😍
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sand.
what's worse, being wanted but not loved, or loved but not wanted?
Kn8 + unrequited feelings. :)
Kafka Hibino has never had unrequited feelings before you. He's happy that you're happy with your boyfriend, Haruichi, but would be lying if he said he wasn't jealous of the guy. I mean, Kafka always feels inadequate, but compared to Haruichi it's a different story. He's smart, he's strong, he's attractive, he's rich as hell. It doesn't get more intimidating than that, but to top it all off, he's dating you. It's like a kick in the face. But Kafka's a pretty good sport. He'd honestly just try to become more impressive so you might notice him.
Mina Ashiro is a subdued person in all respects, including and especially when it comes to romantic feelings. So when she finds out that the girl of her dreams is not only Not Gay but is dating Gen Narumi, she hides her anguish well. After finding out, she'd largely avoid you so as not to slip up and say anything or act out of character. She becomes more aloof and tries to kill her feelings. She drowns her sorrows in work, becomes more aggressive on the battlefield and towards her cadets. She's also more hostile towards Gen, which strikes everyone as odd since she usually can't be caught dead behaving in such an unprofessional manner.
Reno Ichikawa is the worst at pretending not to be hurt. So when he finds out you chose Iharu over him, he has to actually leave the room and punch a wall. Pretty much everyone sees what he's going through, but for some reason, you don't seem to notice. Too enamored with your new boyfriend, he thinks resentfully. I'm picturing the scene in Legally Blonde where Elle throws a box of chocolates at the TV, screaming "LIAR" at a romantic soap opera. He's not exactly that dramatic, but that's how he feels on the inside. Love is dead to him and so is Iharu. He never considered the guy a rival before, but now he considers him a full on enemy. Wouldn't try to break you up for fear of you hating him, but would kinda put his hope in Iharu fucking up.
Soshiro Hoshina is seething when he finds out his brother got to you first. Of all people, you chose that jackass?! He's livid. At Soichiro, of course. He could never stay mad at you; he's got to assume his idiot brother lied to you about his nature or something, although deep down he knows you wouldn't fall for it if he did. He gets really intense in sparring and on the battlefield, and punishes cadets extra hard. Every time he sees you with that fucker, he has to physically remove himself from the situation. Would blow up if Soichiro teased you in front of him. Might try to seduce you anyway, despite your being "taken." Fully believes his brother will ditch you eventually which makes him even more angry. Vents to Okonogi.
Iharu Furuhashi actually does cry a little when he finds out you're dating Kafka. How could he ever compete?! Kafka is kind, wise, and strong. Even with all that Kafka himself perceives as shortcomings, everyone else idolize him. And Iharu? He's just some guy to you. Maybe a friend. It breaks him. He becomes really sluggish and distractable. Consistently loses sparring matches to Reno, who is like "dude wtf." Won't tell anyone he's upset, or why, but it's visible.
Gen Narumi probably screams when he hears you've started dating Soshiro. Not only does the guy have that stupid smug attitude, and more fans than Narumi himself, but now he has you too. He wants to rip Hoshina to shreds, but Hasegawa says no lol. Instead, he coops himself up in his room and games for a few weeks. Any kaiju that shows up during this time is toast, because he just pictures his now romantic rival's face on it and goes wild. Insults Hoshina in front of you hoping to sway your opinion, but you just get mad at him which makes him angrier. Might possibly ask you "what's he got that I don't?" Isn't a huge jerk to you but is to everyone else.
Rin Shinonome kinda figured you were dating Narumi. As usual, he's a step ahead of her. She's bitter, but takes it in stride. She uses your unavailability as motivation to better herself. After all, she enjoys adversity. She's the most likely to have fun chasing you, so she's the least upset of the group.
#kn8#kaiju no. 8#kn8 x reader#kaiju no. 8 x reader#kafka hibino#kafka hibino x reader#mina ashiro#mina ashiro x reader#reno ichikawa#reno ichikawa x reader#soshiro hoshina#soshiro hoshina x reader#iharu furuhashi#iharu furuhashi x reader#gen narumi#gen narumi x reader#rin shinonome#rin shinonome x reader#🩷.txt#i <3 writing sad shit
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#yelled at my mom today because I got so tired of the way she's been treating me#and it was the absolute worst#and I cried like a baby#I don't mean to say she's the most terrible mom in the world or anything like that (she's not the best but she certainly isn't the worst)#but it's just not fair that I have to help her with everything while my brother doesn't have to do anything#and when I come back from almost a week long trip she doesn't even ask me how it was or even welcome me home#she's just wondering who's gonna do her shopping for her#I don't tell people how I feel...#I bottle it up and let it fester until I explode#and today I exploded#but in the end she just told me to calm down and gave me a hug and I cried and cried and cried#and I haven't been able to stop all day#I don't want to be on the outs with my mom#I love her and I want to be there for her and help her now that she's getting older and her health is deteriorating#but I just can't be at her beck and call 24/7#and I don't want to be upset or angry with her when I don't know how long she's got left#I'm not gonna make the same mistake I made with my dad#sorry for the rant#already feeling better and have almost stopped crying#just have to stop listening to sad songs 🤣
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#god! why is having a meltdown the most embarrassing thing in the world? even a day later#i hate beeing aware of every single thought and feeling i'm feeling while not being able to put a finger on what it is#and also being aware of every feeling and thought people around me are probably having#and then not knowing what the fuck to do to stop them from acting angry at me or just not talking to me at all#i know seeing someone going completely insane is not a fun feeling for people but i'm not doing it on purpose#could we pretend it didn't happen when it's over?#it's not that i'm not telling you what's going on in a calmed manner because i hate you and want you to worry#i'm not talking because i CAN'T and even if i could I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S HAPPENING#i spent all day yesterday trying to avoid having a meltdown and when i finally failed#i was crying by myself in silence not bothering anyone#but of course my mom seeing me cry made my anxiety and embarrassement spike and then my brain was gone#so not being able to explain to her what was going on made HER upset with ME and i just couldn't deal with that so i had to go to sleep#but i woke up today and she's being so cold to me and i can't help but feel guilty because I KNOW it's because of me that she's like that#and there's nothing i can do about it#i want to apologize but i literally don't know what to pologize for cause i didn't do anything wrong?#i don't think i did? and what's the point of apologizing if i don't think i did something wrong?#i'm not going to be those people who say ''i'm sorry you feel this way'' cuase that's not an apology!#i fee like shit mentally. physically. emotionally AND have to deal with my mom acting angry and offended and cold#idk what to do#i should have stayed in bed#but no... i'm ranting on the internet#angel talks#personal
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literally when I see women being frustrated with other women for staying with abusive men I feel like I'm watching the ouroboros. Like I get it, it happens to everyone, I've been there, but it's so self sabatoging.
#don't come at me if you're one of those girls currently angry at her friend for continuing to date an abuser after you and everyone else#told her not to#I spent 7 years watching different men beat my mother and I've had a lot of friends who faced very different kinds of abuse from other men#so when I say your anger is not constructive believe me because it is my anger too. and I know it hurts and I know it can drive you insane#but when your friend Sees that anger it will hurt her in a way you cannot understand. And if you are hurting her while you claim to love he#while you claim to have her best interests at heart -> then she cannot differentiate between the way you treat her#and the way her abuser does. And I know that's not fair I know it's not the same#And I know you probably care for her in a way her man does not. But when you tell her what to do she doesn't see You.#She sees the man who tells her what to do and how to live. She won't listen to you over that man because you sound the same#You sound eerily similar but he is manipulating her and you are just angry and upset. He will always seem to offer the better deal#so just don't be that angry friend anymore. Be an open door she can walk through whenever she needs a break from an evil man.#Be the life she Could have if she really believed she deserved it. Be good and respectful and supportive even when you feel like killing hi#show her how Everyone should treat her. Show her she deserves to be treated good; show her it is no problem for You to treat her good#And she Will start demanding that from men. From everyone. But she will do it on her own time#With her own setbacks and she will set her own standards. They might never be your standards but they will be better than what they are now#but first you have to be supportive and not angry. You have to root for what She wants and not for her relationship to fail#Even if you really truly hope the relationship will fail. You have to convince her that you want the same things she wants#You have to convince her that you want her to be happy no matter what that looks like. And Then she will ask you#To help make her life happier. And in my experience; that is the only way to truly see someone get to a better place#You have to help them get what they Want. This is way harder than being angry. Insanely harder. But I have seen women change a Lot#after I stopped feeling angry over them. After I stopped trying to convince them that I know what is best for them
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#am i in the wrong for feeling uncomfortable when talking to my very christian friends about how devoted they are to their religion#when i feel like all the christian religion has done to me is hurt me?#like arguments here and there that were birthed by christianity that directly harm my existence#I've been told by my own father that christianity calls all queer people abominations of life that's it not fucking natural#I've been told by priests that i should behave a certain way otherwise it would be my ruination#all my fucking life christianity has been used to make me submit to this ideal woman i should be#and it's made me hate it so fucking deeply#like deep down i am still catholic I've left behind what the church preaches and internalized what believing in god is for me#but i do not want to know what the christian church be that whatever christian church wants to say#i don't have to enjoy the fact that my friend goes to practice her faith at a place that wants be dead should i?#am i just projecting my anger? my hurt?#i feel angry when she tells me what she did at church and then i feel. guilty bc why am i like that#but then i try to convince myself that it's okay that it's valid for me to feel mad bc of how much pain the church has cost me#but I'm still so unsure idk how to feel and it upsets me when i feel things that i shouldn't when i should be happy for her#i wish i could talk to anyone about this ngl
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Few things piss me off more than when I'm researching something, and I find someone asking the question I want answered, and the response is just "you shouldn't want that, just do this instead"
Today, it's me trying to look up a build for this witch farm concept that uses raid captains to manipulate the witches ai instead of using redstone
"Just use the shifting floors farms, they're just about as good" people respond... you stupid prick, that's not an answer to the question actually asked. I don't know about these guys, but me, I want it cause it's novel and there's no redstone, and I like putting bespoke prestige projects on my server... you might have noticed I tend to do form over function on a lot of my farms... so this is about form, the function is just a bonus
Second example, I wanted to see if there was any way to make Terra Invicta load faster, "just don't save scum"... you idiot, one that's just stupid advice, people can play games however they want, but two this once again doesn't answer the question
Like yeah, how dare people want to know if there's a way to make a game load saves faster when loading takes like 1 minute
If they at least phrased stuff like "sorry, I don't know how to do that, he's an alternative you might try", it's not helpful but it's at least polite
But man... I just get tired of people not answering the question being asked and instead answering the one they've decided was asked
(Actually, a legit real problem in the real world such as... with doctors who don't listen to their patient and decide they know what's really being asked. Don't do it, answer the asked question, or at least ask questions to confirm what's being asked before going off pig headed)
#anyway; pouring over unhelpful people one dropped a mention that Doc from hermit craft seems to have built this design this season#so now I have to track down that... while youtube's acting stupid like it always does after I've left my computer on a few days#no other websites have an issue; but youtube basically becomes unresponsive for like 5 seconds every 10 seconds#the video plays fine if it's already going; but if I try to start or stop it or click anything it doesn't#wonderful website you have their youtube; I'm sure it's not a windows style processor hog or anything#...I'm also in a bad mood; like I'm fucking hair trigger at the moment; cause of one of my mom's sneezing fits hours ago#I know it sounds stupid; and honestly it feels like I must be faking it or something#but when I hear her do that (and it lasts for minutes; she never sneezes less than like 20 times at the top of her lungs)#I actually start smashing my fucking head with the heels of my hands; like against the ears and temples#have to fucking race for rain sounds and turn them up to max; and then I just kinda sit there rocking like a crazy person#...I don't know... probably has something to do with... some kinda shit in my childhood... can't really put it into words or anything concr#but yeah... this kinda thing already pisses me off on a good day cause conceptually it's a jackass move#'oh; you asked a question? well you're stupid and wrong for wanting this; you should just be me instead'#like I could imagine if you asked someone how to do wood burning having them say 'you can't; you can only cut it with power tools'#that's the kind of mentality going on here#slime chunks are another good example; I wanted to know if there's a way to trim them cause they kinda piss me off#short answer no; they seem to be even more baked into the seed than biomes are these days... which sucks; but it's a full answer#but 'just spawn proof with slabs and buttons' is a stupid fucking answer you moron#oh shit; I never considered the obvious... thanks; it's not like maybe people want a certain vibe to a room they built#2010 ass builders; like yeah; in the end I'm just gonna discretely add spawn proofing where I need it#but... that wasn't the fucking question#anyway; point is this pisses me off anyway; but I'm also so angry on like... a physical level; everything has me spitting bullets#like I had to make my cats leave my room because physically hearing my mom sneeze just upsets me so much that...#well... I kinda lose control; not like where I'd kick the cats or something; but where I might slap them away#so it's just... fuck; I hate that I often end up raising my voice in that state and yelling#I prefer when I at least keep it together enough to stay in a measured tone as I'm like 'move move move' herding them out#but yeah... it fucks me up on a really physical level#even now hours later when I've kinda calmed down; Bart's laying next to me and part of me just wants to shove him away#cause I just can't fucking stand anything at the moment#on a intellectual level... I fucking hate it cause I'm not even that mad; and I want Bart here
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#yesterday I learned that a very close friend of mine since i was in middle school has been battling lymphoma for the past six months#he's married to the oldest friend i have and we've all been super close all our childhood/teenage years#and now i don't know what to do I'm so lost and i just keep crying and being upset about it#he's just finished chemo and they're expecting good news but. still#i don't even know why I'm writing this i just need to let it out#as if this summer hasn't been hard enough with my boyfriend in the hospital and my best friend moving away cause of her asshole ex#I'm just so angry#so angry about being forced to work and smile at clients and make chitchat about random stuff when all i want to do is see my two friends#and spend time with them and try to be slightly less upset than i am
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#i was busy IRL for an hour and half btw#i feel really bad for upsetting that person so much but that really helped me#i think subconciosuly i knew i needed that bc when i was writing the tags i felt like they were Off but i posted anyways#i just needed someone to actually talk with me (even angrily/accusingly) about this because i was so lost. the anon#helped but it didn't really and one back and forth with an anon isn't really talking. bc i consider less theirpotential response#now that i've realized how similar to asexuality this is i can see how intersex ppl who don't personally want to be included#and are saying not to included intersex ppl at all are very insidous#i think i could have only realized that through confrontation in a discussion.#or like. someone telling me i guess lol nobody's actually used that analogy that i've seen#and i thnk that also would have gottten through to me#the weird thing is like. i didn't even believe that intersex people should be EXCLUDED. i never have. i just didn't understand WHY#the 'some want to be left out so be careful' thing was WRONG i had an inkling it was wrong but wasn't sure. and got caught up in that#honestly i don't think i even said that much wrong the OP is just forever fighting on this so i put her into the mode#(honestly i am a little bothred she wasn't really responding to the things i said but i understand her situation)#which to be clear I did NOT mean to do at all.#but i guess i should have expected i would upset that perseon bc all intersex advocates seem really angry these days#probably bc of ppl like me... sorry#but gosh i just don't think it's evil to be misinformed and think you're properly informed and therefore don't go out searching more#it's almost out of your control. because someone else did the lying to you#all u did was believe them. and if u never believe anybody u can't live so u can only doubt ppl when u have reason#and if u know nothing u don't have reason to doubt....#hi it's the next day on second thought it was kind of wild i spent all afternoon yesterday groveling for#having believed intersex ppl when they told me what their community wants as someone who had never heard of intersex before#it's not my fault they lied
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are... are you doing okay? :(
very respectfully no but it's a work in progress ig it's hitting me harder and harder every day how every decision i ever make will influence other people's interactions with me and i wish i could take it all back :')
#anon asks#im Just angry at the world for not providing me with a teddy bear strapped around me at all times for comfort that's all#also v confused bc is this a platonic or ACTUALLY a romantic crush on my friend#bc this is so so new to me#i have never felt this viscerally before#but something about being three friends in a room and not being the one whos bed she jumped on#and who she fell asleep with#that kind of scarred me for life ngl it stung and hurt like a bitch#i know we're good friends. we hang out and we laugh and have fun and she hugs me too and kissese on the head from time to time#twice. i counted#but that night hurt me so deeply i can't explain it to you#and she's a little closer with the moon. instantly noticed when she's upset and is attached to her and always hugging her#and i know that the moon is just always naturally touchy with everyone and very openly physically affectionate#and im Not (Not bc i don't want to i just don't know how to ask or initiate)#so obv they hug more#but yeah#i sound like a lovesick puppy AND a whiny brat combined oh gosh ew#abort pls feelings abort
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Thinking about a Reader who ends up having Scary Dog Privileges with Ghost without meaning to. It just happened.
Then they have to deal with the fact that this comes with duties too.
Tags: civilian!reader, gn!reader, mostly fluff, a bit suggestive, smug!Ghost, smooth!Ghost. 800 words.
Part 2. Part 3.
When Ghost is reluctant to getting sutured in Medical after accidentally opening his stitches, grumbling he can do it himself, who does the nurse call for? Yeah, you.
She could stand her ground, after all she's used to dealing with big, whiny men, but it's much more fun to knock on your door and smile at your bewildered gaze and gaping mouth when she explains the situation in two sentences.
"Ghost's being difficult, mind taking over?" "I'm sorry, what the hell does this have to do with me?" "C'm'on, everyone on base knows he's got a soft spot for you. Don't you want to make my job easier?"
You roll your eyes and slam your hands on your desk as you get up. Groaning as you walk past her— "I'm doing this for you, nothing else, got it?"
Mumbling to yourself "you've got to be kidding me" as you barge into the sick bay. Ghost is coolly seated at the end of a bed, large as life, casual clothes as black as his mask and— oh. You weren't told the wound was on his thigh— you weren't warned that he didn’t have pants on. You can’t help it, your eyes go down, down, your lingering gaze and your flustered silence forming a confession louder than words.
A noise — a scoff or a grunt, you’re not sure — emanates from him, breaks your trance, makes you look up. The amusement in his gaze tells you he noticed your oggling— of course he did. Nothing gets past the Ghost, and you've been remarkably unsubtle. Despite the mask, you swear you can make out the smug smirk on his lips. His cockiness reignites your irritation. Annoyance making you bolder than you really are, you charge at him, crossing the distance between you two in a stride, stopping close— too close. He doesn't back off.
"What's wrong with you?" you snarl. "Nothin'," he retorts, imperturbable.
It's actually the first time you’re overlooking him. You may be enjoying it a bit too much. Nevermind the fact that you've had to wedge yourself between his parted legs to get there.
You frown, unconvinced by his answer.
“Did Soap contaminate you?”
Bargaining to be cleared out earlier was the Scotsman's trademark.
“Johnny throws a fit cos he hates feeling useless. That's not what I'm doing.”
A smirk stretches your lips.
“Oh, no? I'm sure your reasons are much more noble.”
“Doesn't matter. Got what I wanted anyway.”
He's way too self-satisfied for a man in his underwear.
You throw an unequivocal look in the direction of his injury.
“What you wanted? A still open wound?”
“You.”
He replied without missing a beat, as confident as usual. It is both alluring and aggravating.
“And your idea of wooing me is making me upset?”
You don't add “because if it is, that's really fucking stupid” out loud, but you’re sure he got the message through your tone.
“Nah. But you're more honest when you’re angry. Gutsier.”
You only realize he slipped his index and middle fingers in your trouser loops when he sharply tugs at them. Off balance, you steady yourself by catching his shoulders.
Taking advantage of the strip of bare skin between your shirt and bottoms, the pads of his thumbs idly stroke your hip bones. The contact sends electricity through you, shivers of pleasure running down your sides.
“Ghost,” you start, severe, trying not to let the effect his touch has on you show in your voice.
“Simon,” he counters, surly. “Told ya it's Simon when we're alone, didn't I?”
He did, but you didn’t think he was serious. If that's what it takes to get him to listen… you’ll play by his rules.
“Simon. What's the rest of your brilliant plan? I'm here, but I can’t stitch you up.”
“How ‘bout a deal. I'll stop resisting… for a price.”
You raise an amused eyebrow.
“What kind of price?”
“A kiss.”
You snort. You didn’t believe him capable of something so… puerile.
“With the mask on?”
He doesn't move a muscle to get rid of it.
“Take it off.”
You usually wouldn’t obey what sounds like an order so easily, but it's the first time you get to touch the skull. Slipping two fingers between skin and cloth, you slowly roll up the mask all the way under his nose.
You gently trace the scars surrounding his lips. Then, the second you feel him relax, grip on your hips slackening and intensity of his gaze waning, you grab the bottom of his mask and drag it back down vigorously, making the holes for the eyes land way too low for him to see anything.
“If you thought you'd get a reward for acting out, you've got another think coming.”
#mine#ghost x reader#simon ghost riley x reader#simon ghost riley#cod#cod fanfic#cod x reader#writings#writers on tumblr#playing around with the format ~ :)#cos the post is prettier this way lol#cod fluff#cod mw2#cod mwii#call of duty x reader#cod modern warfare#cod mw3#fluff#ghost x you#ghost x y/n#simon ghost riley x you#simon riley x reader#cod ghost#ghost cod#ghost fluff#ficlet#cod fic#1k#2k#x reader
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what is with men being mad any time a woman raises her voice where did that even come from. someone posted a video of a small electrical explosion, and the top comment was of course the woman screams. the second comment is women try not to scream challenge, level impossible. i had to go back and watch the video again. there is, somewhat fainty, a little gasp emitted off-camera, more of a yelp than a scream. it is mostly lost in the crack of the explosion. afterwards, you hear her voice, shaken, say, are you okay?
i am helping one of my friends train her voice pitch lower, because she wants to be taken seriously at work. she and i do each other's nails and talk about gender roles; and how - due to our appearance - neither of us have ever been able to be "hysterical" in public. we both appear young and sweet and feminine. she is cisgender, and cannot use her natural voice in her profession because people keep saying she appears to be "vapid". we both try to figure out if our purposeful voice lowering is technically sexist. is it promoting something when you are a victim to it?
a storm almost sends a pole through a car window. in the dashcam, you can hear the woman passenger say her partner's name twice, crying out in alarm. she sounds terrified. in the comments, she is lambasted for her lack of calm. how is that even fucking helping?
in high school, i taught myself to have a lower voice. i had been recorded when i was genuinely (and righteously) upset; and i hated how my voice sounded on the phone speakers when it was played back. i was defending my mom, and my voice cracked with emotion. it meant i was no longer winning the argument: i was just shrieking about it.
girls meet each other after a long summer and let out a little joyful scream. this usually stops around 12-14, because people will not tolerate this display of affection (as it has the effect of being passingly annoying). something about the fact that little girls can't ever even be annoying. we are trained to examine each part of our lives (even joy) for anything that could make us upsetting and disgusting. they act like teenage girls are breaking into houses and shrieking you awake at 3 in the morning. speaking as a public school educator: trust me, it's not that bad, you can just roll your eyes and move on. it does not compare to the ways boys end up being annoying: slurs in graffiti, purposefully mocking your body, following you after you said no. you know, just boy things.
there's another video of a man who is not allowed to yell in the house, so he snaps his fingers when he's excited about soccer. the comments are full of angry men, talking about how their brother is unfairly caged. let him express himself and this is terrible to do to someone. eventually the couple has to address it in a second video: they are married with a newborn baby. he was trying not to wake the infant up. there is no comment on the fact women are not allowed to yell indoors. or the fact that it could have been really alarming or triggering for his wife. sometimes i wonder if straight men even like women, if they even enjoy being in relationships with them.
for the longest time, i hated roller coasters because it always felt inappropriate and uncomfortable for me to scream. one of my friends called me on it, said it was unusual i'm so unwilling. i had to go to my therapist about it. i don't like to scream because i was not raised in a safe situation, and raising my voice would have brought unsafe attention towards me. even when i am supposed to scream, it feels shameful, guilty. i was not treated kindly, so i lack a basic form of self-protection. this is not a natural response. it is not good that in a situation of high adrenaline - i shut up about it.
something very bad is happening, i think. in between all the beauty standards and the stuff i've already discussed - this one feels new and cruel in a way i can't quite express. yes, it's scary and silencing. but there's something about how direct it is - that so many men agree with the sentiment that women should never yell, even in an emergency - it feels different.
is the word shriek gendered automatically? how about shrill or screech? in self defense class, one of the first things they tell you is to yell, as loud and as shrilly as you can. they say it will feel rude. most women will not do this. you need to practice overcoming the social pressure and just scream.
most women do not cry out, even when it's bad. we do not report it. we walk faster. we do not make a scene. what would be the point of doing anything else? no matter what we do, we don't get taken seriously. it is a joke to them. an instagram caption punchline. we have to present ourselves as silent, beautiful, captivating - "valuable."
a woman is outside watching her kids when someone throws a firecracker at them. she screams and runs towards her children. in the comments, grown men flock together in the thousands: god. women are so annoying.
#warm up#writeblr#this one has bothered me for a bit#any time a woman does something even passingly annoying we treat it like a fucking crime#hey man. women are allowed to be annoying. everyone forever is allowed to be passingly annoying#as long as they aren't hurting anyone/thing#like u wanna know something? i find it super annoying that men don't wear seatbelts#why arent there thousands of comments on driving videos thats just like : men try not to die in a car crash challenge#''this briefly annoyed me''. okay??????? AND????????????????? go get ur self a cookie and calm down about it#ur not entitled to control other ppl's experiences and emotions just so u can maintain ur own peace#if being briefly annoyed ruins ur whole day! you! need! therapy!!!!#men try not to become immediately angry about nothing challenge: level impossible#ps author is nonbinary. we didn't even get into the gender presentation thing#the fact men think it's SEXY that my voice is on the lower end....
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My mom will be taking a nap in the living room with her HEADPHONES ON. and my dad will glare at me if I take a single step into the kitchen.
#drinking cold (hot) chocolate because apparently using the electric kettle is too much noise#it's not even that he was concerned it'd wake her up it's that both him and my mom default to staring me down like i killed someone#even when they're like. mildly annoyed.#it doesn't help that i panic when they do this but that's not exclusively on them#like could they chill out occasionally. could they do that for me#their child#i guess not#my dad didn't even know if it'd wake her up. this isn't me using the kettle knowing it could wake her up#it seems pretty likely to me that it wouldn't but neither of us know for sure#I'm 18 years old I'm pretty sure i can assess that risk for myself thanks#he's ALWAYS LIKE THIS too. you make the SLIGHTEST noise while my mom is napping and you will face the consequences.#even though she could sleep through a tornado#i just. ouuuuugh it feels so patronizing and harsh and unnecessary. it also makes me want to cry#like i get to a point. where I'm like maybe my dad isn't that bad. and then he reminds me he has the temper of a thousand suns#and he does NOT think I'm allowed to be upset about it ever. even when it's stupid#and i feel so upset and angry but mostly i feel scared. i feel like I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop#and any second someone's gonna scream their head off at me or take away my shit etc#and this is like such a tiny thing but i spend all my time around people who i don't like and am beholden to and it really grates on me#so we have things like this that are like. nbd y'know. hell I'd probably apologize if it was anyone else#even if i believed i wasn't gonna wake anyone up#but because it's my dad. and he has spent most of my life alternating between ignoring me or screaming at me.#being protective of my mom. who is demanding and mean and selfish.#i feel like i want to cry and scream and throw something but I can't do any of that.#because it would wake my mom up and we can't fucking have that can we.
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hi b! your mail order bride snippet was amazing!! I totally relate to taking the cat with her! tbh I think by the end of the first week the kitty will have Simon wrapped around their paw lol
mail-order bride
you sit up in bed as the bathroom door flies open, the knob banging against the wall as simon nearly stomps his way into the bedroom. you rub your sleepy eyes, watching as he holds the cat by the scruff of its neck until he can toss it onto the floor at the foot of the bed. the cat hops up onto the bed, sitting at your feet, and simon snarls as he stares back at it (it isn't allowed on the bed).
"can't even take a fuckin' shit, starin' right at me," he snaps at you, and you blubber a little, not knowing what to say right away. "i told ya to keep that fuckin' thing away from me."
"she likes you," you say sleepily, sniffing as you shrug. "she just wants to be near you."
"i said no pets!"
you blink up at him, "i-i'm sorry, simon--" you go to push the covers off to get out of bed, but simon comes closer, pushing you back into bed.
"don't get out of bed, why are ya gettin' out of bed? it's too fuckin' cold."
"y-you seem upset," you sniffle, "i just--" you put your hand over his gently. "she just likes you, simon. can't you see that?"
it is early. when simon goes back into the bathroom, you lay back down and let the warmth of the covers lull you back to sleep.
when you wake in the morning, eyes fluttering, simon is laying beside you still. it's odd, because he gets up before the sun comes up, but when you turn over to face him, your eyes widen a little. simon is wide awake. he's on his stomach, his face smushed into the pillow like usual, but he's so angry. his face is contorted into a scowl, and the cat is curled up on the base of his neck, their little head resting on the back of his head as they sleep peacefully, little purrs escaping every so often.
simon locks eyes with you, and you bite your lip, uneasy.
"what the fuck am i supposed to do?!" he hisses. "it's been 'ere all fuckin' mornin'!"
you slap your hand over your mouth to stop the giggles, and simon growls a little.
"get it offa me!"
#simon ghost riley#simon riley#simon ghost riley x reader#simon riley x reader#simon riley x you#ghost mw2#ghost cod#ghost call of duty#ghost mwii#ghost x reader#cod#call of duty#simon thoughts#order up
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