#and I don't exactly play anymore so who am I to complain? | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

yourlilkaiju · 6 months ago

Text

Here is the Reason Why I Am Not A Destiel Fan Anymore:

And the reasons I refuse to go back to being one:

So in retrospect, the SuperWhoLock fandom has been by and large a pretty big fandom that has been running a good while. I don't think it's stopped. I have always loved Doctor Who, as that- alongside the works of Mr.Henson and the brilliant creations from his creature shop, were my first introductions to all things weird and other worldly. Horror was another story. I will be more than happy to talk about that another day. So as time went on, in abouts the late summer/early fall of 2005, right before I turned 13, I was introduced to Supernatural. Starring Jared Padelecki and Jensen Ackles. The person I was watching it with was bouncing up and down, all excited because "Oh my gosh, it's so nice to see you watching something other than anime." (The cow.), and because it was nearing Halloween time and it was both of our favorite time of year for two very different reasons. This would end up being the start of my enjoyment of a long running series that had a good premise, but a very confusing story line after season five. (Sorry but it felt...skewed after that point. But I stayed loyal.) In any case, I eventually started shipping Destiel because of the constant queer baiting. Which didn't exactly, idk help the situation? And with that I ended up being a shipper for a good seven and a half, I repeat, SEVEN AND A HALF FUCKING YEARS. Hardly anyone sticks with a shop that long. (But being autistic you kind of stick with a lot of things for a long ass time. *Mumbles something about a certain one winged angel from the nineties*.)

My enjoyment of the ship came to a close when I was at a fantasy convention the spring of 2016. I was at one of the Double tree locations with an ex of mine and dressed up as a fae queen, laughing, having a good time and just having good conversations with the people at our table. I was with a troupe that my ex and I had started and we were initially responsible for acting out as "hosts" for the opening and closing for these events, and even "opening the portals to the realms" 🙄. When out of character we were still expected to be gracious hosts....well, more like I was. The man could get away with spilling a punch bowl over his head while mooning an entire audience, yet still somehow do no wrong. If I complained, or made a peep in my defense, the whole world would come crashing down. Even with some of the people we spent time with. And some of the people we spent time with were Destiel shippers who liked to bring strangers into our space without asking, or without any given warning or invitation. At that time, it'd been Supernatural fans who were not only Destiel shippers....but also Cockles fans.

[I am going to pause for a moment here because I feel the need to emphasize that shipping is fine. Shipping is a great way to escape reality for a period of time and even let loose the pent up need for some sort of intimacy in ones life, regardless of the type that is needed. But to allow it to interfere with reality, to force real people into seeing each other and actually make it so that it can't be left alone for years after? That's where there is an issue. And people who can't see that need to re-evaluate themselves and get some fucking help.]

There were few things that my ex and I agreed on, and one of them had been that uninvited guests had been a nono. However, the rules at play prevented me from saying anything while in costume. He had to dismiss the person. He had to tell them it was time to go and that "appreciated the travellers journey, however it was time for the court to take it's respite." . And yet he didn't. So as these people went on, our troupe laughed and carried on with the conversation. I did my best to segue into a different topic, and tried my hardest not to show discomfort. Because to do so would be breaking the rules. The uninvited guests went on....and on...and on. They ignored my attempts and ignored the fact that I had requested two glasses of wine and a white Russian. They carried on about how Destiel was technically canon, and how Jensen Ackles and Misha Collins were secretly dating behind the scenes. I looked for any reason I could to get the hell out of dodge. And I found my salvation when I found a friend of mine standing over by the bar.

"Pardon me, my dear..." I said, with a soft lilt in my voice. "As compelling as this conversation has been, I find that I have urgent business with a friend of the forest." As bewildered as my poor guest was, I immediately left before they could say anything more. I hated the conversation. I hated feeling trapped. It felt draining and honestly, going to my friend was the best decision I felt that I could make. And when I got to him, he mentioned that I looked like I needed help. And for a man like my ex to not say anything, he was a little disappointed.

Over the next few years, I ran into several more of these shippers at events that I'd helped run. I insisted that the rules be changed, and while he did not like it, he knew that I would not back down on the issue. The same people tried joining our gathering by one of our troupe members behest, and without warning. Upon recognizing me, they grew excited and hoped to continue the conversation from the last time they'd seen me.

"Why don't we talk about something else?" I groaned. I recalled the unpleasant experience I had with them last time as they hardly allowed a word in edgewise.

There was a long pause.

As if summoning a great storm, I was suddenly accused of being homophobic and told that I only played a queen because I whined and sobbed my way into it. And I stood there, allowing the insults to continue until they couldn't anymore. I figured it was just best to let them kick dirt at a statue and smile at them exhausting themselves.

I'm sure some of you may think me a horrible person fo this. I am sure some of you are thinking "why are you telling us this? There's no point."

Because some of you need to know the extent of how some fandoms and their shippers behave.

Back then Destiel and Cockles were as bad as LDS's. Now...well they're still just as bad. But twice as aggressive. And while I was one, I don't think I ever went that far. I would often ask things like "Aren't those two married?" When it came to the Cockles fans. Or say "I'm from way south Alabama and experienced ISA, please stop." To the Wincest shippers. Every single time I would say something like this, some would try to come directly for my throat. Literally. Hell, someone grabbed me by the hair once. All because I dared to disagree.

It's a fucking series.

With fictional characters.

Played by actors.

And all the special effects are done by the crew.

But some people can't seem to grasp that.

I refuse to entangle myself back in that sticky little web and I would rather watch it burn itself out. I would prefer to see it go up in flames as it gets rejected by the fandoms it tries to infect, JUST because it is politely disagreed with.

Because it doesn't leave people alone after being told no or receiving the sense that, maybe, a person is uncomfortable.

#anti hellers and their abusive behaviour #anti hellers #supernatural #anti destiel #anti cockles stans #anti wincest #no just no #toxic fandom #fucking hell!

36 notes · View notes

gaslysainz · 1 year ago

Text

Lost (PG10) pt.3

Summary: The world is utterly unfair. He was her most prized possession, her life, her first ever commitment of love. But to him, she was just a mere person lost in his big world.

warnings: ; unrequited feelings; Pierre is a douche , arrange marriage, angst, explicit scenes and languages.

Author's Note~ Heya guys! So it's finally here! Tbe 3rd part of my fanfic.I posted the first chapter of my first ever fanfic! And I'm overwhelmed by the response ❤️ Really Thanks a lot to everyone who had liked the story so far. It's just the beginning of the journey, there's a lot to come. Love You All 😘 Here's my first ever story for you guys. As soon as I finish this one, I'll start taking requests maybe! Till then please show your love and support for "LOST".

Journal Entry - 3

Pain is something that can be forgotten if that one person that you love gives you a smile. Butterflies, jitters, rainbows! Yea, that's my heart right now. I can melt right away. Right in front of him. Pierre Gasly has a beautiful smile!

Those sparkling eyes when he smiles has the power to light up my whole world. But why did he smile at me today?

Let me tell you what exactly happened.

I woke up a little late today because of all the crying I did yesterday. I went into the washroom to take a shower and freshen up and when I saw myself in the mirror I was scared of myself! Like seriously I look like a fucking zombie! Tear stains and melted mascara stains all over my face. But what's worse are my eyes. They were blood red and super swollen. No makeup, no face wash could cover that shit up. But I couldn't let Pierre see me like that. So the only thing that I could think of was wearing sunglasses. BIG BLACK SUNGLASSES! That too inside the house cause I wasn't allowed to go anywhere outside unless it was one of his races or events, where we'd have to pretend to be a super happy and In love kind of a couple. Life Sucks for me. Anyways I changed and was going to go down when I heard noises coming from the kitchen. Other than me no one usually goes inside the kitchen , so who might it be?

A little bit curious and also frightened I went inside the kitchen only to find my ever charming husband sporting the brightest radiant smile I've ever seen. My Husband Pierre Gasly! Standing right there with black shorts and a tight fitting black tshirt. His muscles stretching and struggling from it. The tshirt seems to be too tight but he still looks like a prince.

To be very honest it was a bit weird for me. Okay chuck it! It was very weird for me but I just played it cool by returning a very awkward smile to him.

" Good morning and thanks Y/n" Woah! That was the first time he actually wished me good morning. I seriously felt like I was on cloud 9 but I don't really keep high hopes in life anymore since I have lost a lot of things in this journey.

"Good morning to you too , but why thank you?"

"Oh! Yes, actually thank you for yesterday. You prepared the soup and the medicine for Julia" those words made me want to stab myself . After a whole night of torture and tears he finally finally smiled at me for the first time and that too the reason was Julia. That bitch of a step sister. Who is stealing my husband day by day from me. But who cares if the person who's supposed to actually care does not care about me.

I sometimes think if he ever thinks about me? About my happiness or, I'm just a mere housemate for him? Actually what's funny is that even the housemates are treated better than I am . Also I'm a bit disappointed. Why did he not ask me why was I wearing those hideous sunglasses? Why was I late to wake up this morning? But no, no questions of such were asked by him.

But you know what? I'm not complaining cause this was the first time he actually smiled at me properly.

That's all I've ever wanted. A little bit of genuine recognition from him. Not because of the camera's, not because of the families. Not pretentious.

And so I , Mrs.Y/n Gasly is again LOST!

LOST in His Radiant Smile!

PS - Please lemme know what do you think about LOST and also let me know if you wanna be added to the tag list ❤️

@peachiicherries @crimeshowjunkie @oblomovissad @torossosebs @janeholt3

81 notes · View notes

sophieinwonderland · 4 months ago

Note

hi yeah lmao, im ⌛🌟 and im not whatever random ass person you accused me of being 💀💀???? nice try lmao

also you know that. trans people. can be transphobic right. just like how disabled people can be ableist.

but im not gonna be responding to anymore of ur dumbass shit sophie, the majority of what youve done is spout some transphobic shit and told me the history i alr know because i am trnas and lived through it!! crazy. hope you have fun harming random ass people on the internet!!! cant wait until youre left empty inside and broken bc of constantly harrassing people and constantly giving out hate where its not justified <3

-⌛🌟

Wait! Who did I accuse you of being?

Do you think this post commenting on a timing coincidence was meant to imply that you were the anti-endo who posted about the word "sysmed" at the exact same time as me? 🤣

also you know that. trans people. can be transphobic right. just like how disabled people can be ableist.

Of course. Transmeds themselves being an example of that. And system medicalism is similarly rooted in ableism and sanism. Especially when it comes to mixed origin systems, who sysmeds will straight-up deny a right to religious beliefs based on their disability.

My issue with this isn't that "trans people can't be transphobic."

It's that trans people can't be transphobic for comparing the pain they've suffered from transmeds to what they've suffered from sysmeds.

And also that transgender people can't "STEAL" their own terms.

Accusing trans people of stealing their own terms is implying that they're an outgroup that is coming in to steal the words. Frankly, it's trans erasure. You have to actually erase their transness to make this argument work. Which, IMO, is actually transphobic of you.

Once we get past the absurdity of "trans people are transphobic for stealing trans terms" the only thing your argument is left with is... what? "Transphobic people are transphobic for comparing transness to a mental disorder?"

But this point, you know, is a lie. If you've spent any bit of time in syscourse, you should know that the pro-endo position, along with the position of every psychiatrist and psychologist who has weighed in on the debate, is that you don't need a disorder to be plural.

See again, Eric Yarbrough's Transgender Mental Health, which was reviewed and published by the American Psychiatric Association.

So the whole "this is transphobic for comparing being transgender to a mental disorder" point is null. Being plural and being a system are not inherently mental disorders.

But I'm sure you're going to make some excuse about why this book, published by the American Psychiatric Association, is totally not valid. You know, just like how transmeds have historically dismissed all the doctors and research saying that you didn't need dysphoria to be trans.

Are you going to try to call me transphobic again for pointing out how your arguments and tactics are exactly like those of transmeds?

constantly harrassing people

This is beside the point, but I feel like this would be a bit more effective had sysmeds not watered down "harassment" to the point of being meaningless.

Like, I just saw a post from a sysmed who was asked why they were putting "doctors" in scare quotes to imply the authors of articles cited by pro-endos aren't real doctors, and the sysmed accused the anon of harassment just for asking the question.

Like to me, harassment means namecalling. Threats of violence. Bullying. Fakeclaiming. Personal attacks.

But it seems to most sysmeds, harassment means questioning them. It means having a different opinion and stating it where they can hear. It means linking sources or saying that they're wrong.

I've seen sysmeds, always desperate to play the part of the victim, complain about being asked "loaded questions" (the question was what punk values meant to them) and beg for death threats in the same post.

It's just so hard anymore to take sysmeds complaining about harassment seriously when it's clear they're just calling everything harassment so they can win victim points.

#syscourse #pro endogenic #pro endo #systempunk #syspunk #system punk #sys #punk #sysblr #multiplicity #systems #lgbtq #system #transmeds #queer #transphobes #lgbt #actually plural #actually a system

12 notes · View notes

welcometothedopeworld · 11 months ago

Text

Sweet Secret Admirer ~ *Shogo Yamato*

Summary: Shogo has been noticing presents of sweets for the past few weeks. At first he thinks it's just an accident but then he thinks someone could be sending them to him. But who could it be...?

Pairing: Shogo Yamato X G/N!Reader

Genre: Fluffy Drabble

Word Count: 786

Warning: N/A

Masterlist

A/N: You know it's going to be good when my vision is blurry while writing the whole thing.

It all started with a chocolate bar in his duffel bag. Shogo wasn't quite sure where it came from, but Toma told him the label had his name on it. And so, right before dance practice, he ate the sweet chocolate bar and felt energized throughout the entire practice.

Then it was a small bag of caramels on his desk. They were all wrapped up in parchment paper with a red bow on the bag. They melted on his tongue as he cleverly crafted songs for VISTY. Some even had cream in the middle. Still, he wasn't quite sure where they came from. However, he wasn't complaining. He hadn't been that successful in writing in a long time.

A couple weeks later, there was a large lollipop the size of his hand in the recording booth. Kantaro was insanely jealous and asked him to break it so they all could have a piece. But he refused, saying it was meant for him. And while he couldn't finish the whole thing in one sitting, he made sure to keep it hidden from Kantaro, who seemed ever more determined to get a bite.

When Shogo found a gumball machine in his room that was fully stocked with the colorful candy, he finally had enough of not knowing who was sneaking candy to him.

"Alright, seriously." He said, hands on his hips as he confronted VISTY in the common room of their dorm. "Who keeps giving me candy? I'm not mad. I'm just super confused."

Aoi frowned as he continued playing on his phone. "I can tell you right now that it's not me."

He glanced over at Toma who shook his head. "It's not me. And I know it's not Kantaro either. He's been jealous every time you get a new thing of sweets."

"It's not fair!" Kantaro pouted and crossed his arms over his chest. "Why don't I get a secret admirer?"

Aoi glanced up from his phone for a split second. "And what makes you think he has a secret admirer? For all we know, it could be one of the staff taking pity on him or something."

Shogo shook his head. "Regardless. None of you have been giving me candy?"

Again, all three of them shook their heads. Toma piped up. "Sorry. Although whoever is must really like you."

"Like I said!" Kantaro added. "It must be a secret admirer! Who do you think it could be?"

Shogo thought for a moment, trying to come up with a name of someone he thought could be a secret admirer. Of course, as soon as he had one in mind, he blushed and quickly shook his head.

Aoi, always perceptive, laughed at his reaction. "I know EXACTLY who you're thinking of."

"Who?" Kantaro asked.

Toma began to laugh as well. "Oh! He's not thinking of them, is he?"

"Who?!"

"C'mon, who else would he be thinking of?"

"WHO?!"

"I AM NOT THINKING OF Y/N!" Shogo shouted before his face fell at his words.

Commence the teasing in three...

Two...

One...

Aoi snickered. "I never said that name."

Kantaro gasped loudly. "You like Y/n?! Oh that's wonderful! They're so sweet! They're absolutely perfect for you! You have to ask them out now! Please, please, please!"

"You know it could not be them giving me this candy!" Shogo shot back, but even he was having a hard time believing it. They were the only one who knew how much he loved sweets, especially which kinds were his favorite. "Besides, I'm not going to jeopardize our friendship over a hunch."

Toma shrugged. "It couldn't hurt."

"It very well could!"

"You never know if you don't try."

"Please, please, please ask them out!"

Shogo shook his head and stormed off to his room, shouting. "I'm not having this conversation anymore!"

As soon as he entered his room, however, he stopped. There they were, placing the biggest bag of gummy bears on his bed. Instead of looking embarrassed or blushing, like he was, they laughed.

"Guess I was caught in the act, huh?"

"I-" He covered his mouth with his hand. "It was you?"

They nod. "Of course! You've been working so hard, I just had to get something nice for you. I'm glad you've been liking the sweet treats I've gotten you. Sometimes I thought I was going overboard, but seeing just how happy they made you, well, I'm glad I did it."

Before he could stop himself, he smiled and lowered his hand to show you. "You really are sweet, aren't you? The sweetest secret admirer."

"Guilty as charged." They laughed. "Now c'mon, let's share these gummy bears! I don't think you can finish them all by yourself."

"Watch me!"

#Paradox Live #Paradox Live Fanfiction #Paradox Live Drabble #Anime #Anime Fanfiction #Anime Drabble #VISTY #Shogo Yamato #Shogo Yamato X Reader #Shogo Yamato Fanfiction #Shogo Yamato Drabble #Shogo Yamato Fluff #Shogo #Shogo X Reader #Shogo Fanfiction #Shogo Drabble #Shogo Fluff #Drabble #Fluff

20 notes · View notes

dez-wade · 1 year ago

Note

Praying this arc brings Forever closer to Tubbo and Bagi who will not treat him awfully or accuse him of siding with the people who drugged him against his will both to his face and behind his back with the intention of turning people he loves and trust against him 🙏 even if he doesn't separate from the people who obviously just don't trust or value him like he values them, at LEAST he'll know he has more than himself.

Because even if he has the Favela 6 and Philza, I don't think he plays WITH them enough for it to help his mental state. Bagi and Tubbo are both typically on at the same time as him and aren't too busy enough where he'd feel bad interrupting them. I just want him to both have someone in his corner and for him to know it because it's sad seeing him so eager to spend time with people and to put his all for people who just...don't return it. The secondhand rsd is insane lol

Putting this into a read more because I have a lot to say about this and how heartbroken I am that Forever thinks he has no one besides Richas, who's gone.

One of the reasons I hate when people defend that friendship saying "you don't watch all POVs" it's that exactly why you know what's going on with these POVs that it becomes so painful to watch the three together. If we only followed Forever's POV or no one else's, you wouldn't actually see people complaining because in his POV everything is fine. Their friendship is fine. He's not aware they're lying to him about multiple things, in his POV they're all equal.

I have been saying and arguing here since forever about how I wanted conflict because I couldn't stand that anymore and only conflict would actually bring a change to the status quo — either Forever finally opening his eyes, or somehow more doubtful, their friendship would have become stronger than ever without distrust. And today, finally, Forever opened his eyes to what was happening. What will happen from here we'll have to wait and see, but sadly Forever already has kinda started on the wrong foot thinking BBH is just "lost" like he was in the happy pills arc, and that he needs saving.

BUT I hope that at the very least in the end they stay "friends" but not "close friends". I hope he doesn't think it's his job to actually cheer them up, or know what is going on with them because they're not close after all. I hope he actually gets much closer to other people, like Tubbo and Bagi like you said, that they spend so much time together that it overrides the fandom perspective of what's Forever closest friends and partners actually are because there's nothing more painful than seeing Forever having soooo many amazing dynamics, amazing duos and everyone always making his character about people who don't even trust him in the first place.

I genuinely feel like this is a great opportunity for him and Tubbo getting closer working on this case, and Bagi lately has been very close to him they have been discussing so many different things every night and I love that she's been picking his side without fail.

I absolutely HATE that the character himself expressed that he believes he has no one besides Richas just because he's sadly been spending more time and effort with people who barely care about him. I really want him to realize eventually that there are plenty of people who actually value and trust him. That he has amazing friendships, and people there for him, it's just that he's been focusing on the wrong ones.

I also would love it if he could just spend some chill time with Cellbit or Pac for a day just to remember a little what it is like to be beside someone who values you, your trust, your friendship. And that whatever he's willing to do for them, they'd be willing to do it back.

#qsmp #q!forever #seriously i'm so sad that he thinks he's alone because of these two #wake up forever you have so much more than you think you have

43 notes · View notes

marshmallowprotection · 1 year ago

Note

so I played through saeran’s route and actually really enjoyed it. It was so chaotic lol. although, after getting so invested in saeyoungs route I can’t really think of him as anything but a little brother. got any hc’s for Saeyoung’s MC bonding with SE! Saeran?

SE Saeran is wary of his brother's partner for a while. It isn't because he wants nothing to do with you, it's more so that he thinks you don't want anything to do with him. Why in the world would you want to be around somebody like him? Do you understand the depth of what he did? Do you understand what it feels like to be around someone that he manipulated all the time?

He thinks you are properly terrified of him after you saw the worst possible side of him. Frankly, why wouldn't you be? You were the one who was awake when the accident happened. You saw everything he did. You don't have the benefit of the doubt, either. You don't have the benefit of what his brother had! Saeyoung was unconscious when the incident happened, but you? You were awake.

Add that to the list of things that he has in his head on reasons why you should not only never trust him, but be terrified of him. He took the time to manipulate you into going to that apartment, he broke into that apartment and left you feeling unsafe with a BOMB of all things even if he didn't know about the bomb in that route, and that doesn't even begin to count the things that happened after you and Saeyoung saved him from Vanderwood.

Should you really trust somebody like him?

I am already of the opinion that he wants nothing to do with the RFA. It's not that they did anything, it's more so that he did everything, and being around them only reminds him of every horrible thing he did. He doesn't want to be reminded of those things. He also has a hard time being around Jumin and Yoosung. They remind him of the two people he doesn't wanna think about ever again. It's not their fault. He just can't be around them.

So, for the most part, the only people he is around everyday are you and his brother. It's not like he can leave the house. Their father is still an issue so they have to be extra cautious. By the time you start living in the bunker with them, he has mellowed out a little bit, if you wanna call it that. He doesn't have the energy to make trouble anymore, but he doesn't exactly wanna be around anybody.

So, making a friendship with him in the first place is something that's gonna take a lot of time and trust.

If you want a good example of the best way to become his friend, you need to put yourself in a situation where he has control because he is a person who has been robbed of his ability to do what he wants. He has spent his entire life without autonomy. Allow him to decide when he is comfortable and how he wants to communicate. You can't pressure him into being ready when he's not ready.

The best way to hang out with him is to engage in parallel play. He will be doing something on one side of the room and you will be doing something on the other.

He doesn't want to feel the need to talk to fill in the silence. So, putting music or a television show in the background would probably be a great idea. He is still learning how to exist around other people, so giving him the opportunity to do so in a place where he gets to decide when he's had enough is a great way to be his friend.

If you really want to win him over, the best thing you could do is be considerate to his needs. Make sure you ask him if he's OK with something. If you're going to play a game, ask him if he wants to, and it's as simple as that. He isn't the kind of person who has been asked if he wants to do anything. So, you going out of your way to see what he wants to do or what he's OK with first means a lot more than you will ever know.

An even better way to win him over is to ask him if he wants to hang out outside for a little bit.

That's one of the few times he won't complain if you drag his brother along.

He likes to cloud gaze and that's something he doesn't mind sharing with his brother since they used to do it when they were kids. Sure, they aren't the same people they used to be but this is one thing they still have that they've always had.

Learning how to be his friend means learning to find enjoyment in the little things. You have to remember that he hasn't had the opportunity to experience the world like everybody else. So, if he wants to do something that may seem a little silly out of the blue, humor it.

He deserves the opportunity to learn how to be a person and having somebody there with him makes it feel a little less embarrassing or mortifying to be seen doing something for the first time that everyone else might have done when they were much younger.

Yes, that includes pushing his swing for him.

Just don't tell Saeyoung you did that.

You may just be the first genuine friend he ever makes that's doing it because you want to do it and not because you feel a sense of pity. Get to know him and what he likes, and it'll be easier for him to open up and do time. He'll learn how to trust you once he's ready. As long as you leave the door open for him, he'll learn how to walk through it. Make sure you take him for some ice cream, too.

#mod kait #ask #mystic messenger #anon #mysme #saeran choi #mysticmessenger #choi saeran #mm #se saeran #saeran

29 notes · View notes

lilapplesheadcannons · 1 year ago

Text

Nie MingJue stared balefully at the crate in the corner of his bedroom. Who knew newborn chicks were so noisy even when they were sleeping? And they stank to the high heavens. Why was the crate in his bedroom anyway? Since when did people start storing miscellaneous livestock in their sectleader's bedroom?

A full 6 months of being pampered by the three plus major sects and numerous disciples did little to improve Jingwei's appearance. She looked like a moulting feather duster more than ever. But her babies were delights to observe. Round little fluffballs, curious and energetic. Apparently, it was too early to tell whether they were male or female, but he sincerely hoped all the babies were female because a rooster didn't deserve to be called Xiao Shishi.

There were rushing footsteps outside. HuaiSang stormed in without knocking. They both spoke at the same time.

"Privacy! Ever heard of it?"

"What do you plan to do about it?"

Jingwei raised her sleepy head and clucked in reproach.

Nie MingJue did NOT lose the staring contest. He merely wanted HuaiSang out of his bedroom before the chicks were awake. He was tired, okay?

"About what? You? You I am planning to sell to Wei Wuxian to practice demonic cultivation on."

"Don't be crass! Besides, apparently, Wangji-xiong has started growling at anyone coming within an arm's distance of Wei-xiong, Wen Qionglin said."

Once upon a time, Nie MingJue was genuinely jealous of Lan Xichen on having a civilised little brother. Not anymore. HuaiSang was a royal pain in the butt, sure, but he has yet to cause an intersect uproar. Now Mingjue's mainly jealous of Wen-guiniang.

"I am not doing anything about it. It's a Lan-Jiang issue. Interfering in marriage treaties does not fall into the category of chief cultivator's duties."

"Not about that. Are you aware your pet chicken became a mom 2 weeks ago?"

"She's not my pet!" At this point, the protest is more of a reflex.

HuaiSang ignored him.

"Which means there's a dad somewhere, shirking his responsibilities."

MingJue snorted.

"What responsibilities does a rooster have towards its chicks?"

"Half of the cost of raising them, half of babysitting…"

He had a point. The Qinghe Nie sect wasn't hurting for a feastful of corns a day. But Nie MingJue would love to sleep in a quiet room once in a while. Besides, the regular visitor in his bedroom complained that chicken feather exacerbated their allergies and they didn't appreciate being stared by a chicken in bed anyway. What was the world coming to that a chicken got more action than the chief cultivator himself? But maybe a reasonable shared custody agreement would grant him his bedroom all to himself once every few days.

"Get out!" He pointed to the door, "and tell Zonghui to get everyone that owns a rooster in Qinghe to come see me tomorrow morning."

In the morning, he sat at his worktable, sipping his second cup of tea. A chick tried to peck at the embroidery of his clothes, but he decided to indulge it. After all, who knows where it might be spending half the weekdays in? Not every farmer in Qinghe could afford embroidered clothes.

"Sect leader, master HuaiSang woke me up last night to tell me that you wanted to see all the rooster-owners in Qinghe." There was a subtle hint of complaint in Zonghui's voice. In his humble opinion, his duties as the right-hand man to the sect leader didn't involve indulging whatever prank HuaiSang was playing at the moment.

"Yes, er, I did. I mean, I do."

Zonghui stared.

"If I may be so bold, sect leader, why do you want to speak to them?"

Nie MingJue felt his face getting warmer. What seemed like a good idea to his half-asleep brain in the candlelight seemed laughable in front of the stoic face of his subordinate in the morning sun.

"Hmmmph, well, one of their roosters is responsible for this!" He gestured all around him. "It's only fair they take some responsibility."

Nie Zonghui kept staring.

"And how do you plan to find out which rooster exactly that is responsible? Shall I invite Lan-zongzhu to play enquiry on Jingwei?"

Was that sarcasm? Nie MingJue just realised he himself was a bad influence on his own right-hand man. Zonghui continued,

"Besides, what responsibilities do you expect them to take? How much can a farmer pay to the Qinghe Nie as compensation?"

"I wasn't thinking of money," MingJue argued heatedly. "Maybe they can look after the chicks on alternate weeks. That seems only fair."

"It would make more sense for them to take half of the chicks. Forever."

MingJue's hand paused in the middle of bringing the cup to his lip. He put the cup down, then delicately picked up the chick from his lap and handed her over to Zonghui.

"I have changed my mind. There's no need to see anyone. Take Xiao Fengxian to her sisters on your way out."

Maybe he himself could go visit a certain someone more often from now on. It would certainly improve intersect relationships.

#mdzs #mo dao zu shi #mdzs crack #mdzs headcanons #nie mingjue #nie huaisang #nie zonghui #jingwei the chicken #the grandmaster of demonic cultivation #thanks to @fishwink for the idea #Nie MingJue the dad who stepped up

30 notes · View notes

civil-corps-wife · 1 year ago

Text

1.0 spoilery stream of consciousness

Because I made a blog specifically for my random thoughts and opinions about My Time At games.

Why is the download speed 1MB/s? Why are you like this, internet old buddy old pal? It's also patching which is a bit faster but still additional time

There's taking a walk just like in Portia, I already love it. Even your spouse kinda leaving you in the middle of nowhere is accurate!

People come to your house to hang out! The first one ever was Owen. Sorry pal, gotta run and uncover new romantic possibilities

I kinda regret not going past the last update's mission spam on most of my saves, now I have to see the same cutscenes five times. I also keep walking into the Ninja Sword conversation trigger

Five people showed at my door. My Portia strat was to always hang out with Albert and without him, I don't quite know who to choose

Okay, I went through other guys looking for new content, now let's get down to business and let me adopt Andy

Logan and Andy are conniving. Is it gonna be The Brightest Star all over again?

OH NO, WILSON--

I love Burgess. He just when from total meltdown to absolute happiness in like ten seconds. I mean, look at him, how can you not love him?

I kinda wished for more poses, especially romance ones like in Portia. What do you mean my husband can't hold me?

I really love Burgess.

They've added a kiss on the cheek, it is so sweet

Ooh, the Rogue Knight topic arises!

"Have you ever been so mad you threw a school?"

They're referencing our fandom again, this time how mad some people got at Deputy Captain!

Well, I don't think Captain is the best deputy anymore

Unsuur's name didn't change to "Deputy Unsuur" and this is outrageous.

I saw a bunny at the Bend!

Jasmine and Andy helping Logan propose to the builder is my new favorite thing about the game

You can adopt Andy now. He counts as a literal, official child that will call you his parent. It's too much. I love this game.

You can make NPCs wear recolored outfits!?

My builder and Logan got married on Andy's birthday and I think it's perfect

My perfect wedding with Logan got spoiled by Unsuur saying that he loves me. I mean I love you too man, but this is exactly why I have six saves!

I just learned that DLCs dropped. Here goes my money!

I GOT A LETTER FROM MY DEAR, SWEET, FAVORITE HIGGINS! He wants to be my friend. My Sandrock life is complete now. There isn't another character I love quite as much as I love Higgins.

I love how I'm supposed to be a fair judge for the school project and yet it's obvious I'll vote for my son Andy. He doesn't need to try, he's the best anyways

You can go on play dates as a family! And I am still amazed that Andy works like your builder's own child so you can take him too! What am I saying, he IS the builder's own child now! I don't think there's a feature I love more.

Speaking of DLC, since I named the Meerkat after my favorite character, Higgins, I thought I'd name the Gecko after my another favorite, Albert. They also, uh, have similar eyes. For better or worse.

Also, for some reason the Gecko has Dan-bi and Rian in its relationships marked as family? Is it their child?

New Pablo's lines sound so good. Remember when he used to have a very attidute-y voice but people complained and they changed it to a harsher one? Well, he sounds softer again and I love it!

Pablo's designs are literally DLC clothes so him asking if I would pay for such clothes... uh-oh...

Alice from Portia got mentioned!

Rian sending a letter that his daughter was born warms my heart

And on top of this amazingness, Fang will treat Ginger!

Ginger and Gust are about to arrive and I might just faint. It's like falling for Gust all over again

Ooh, they made Ginger so pretty! Not that she wasn't before but she's even more now!

Gust doesn't look as salty as he used to which is a pity

Oh, also apparently Gust has the same VA as in Portia. This might be the end of my builders' faithfulness to their husbands

Fang and Gust interacting feels so surreal. They're so similar and yet so different

Gust is so darn mean. I'm into this.

I don't really like how he's treating Fang but I'm still biased. Gonna look the other way I suppose

Ooh, they made Justice interact with Gust! Two of my absolute favorite husbands talking is just the best thing that happened

What's the deal with my Portia husbands narrowly escaping death in Sandrock?

There are so many name drops! Dr Xu, Russo, Mars and Carol, Alice. I can technically play Portia and see them any time but it still hits hard

I got a Papa Bear shirt!

The fact that Ginger being healthy again is canon takes the cake today

#my time at sandrock #mtas

17 notes · View notes

reminiscentsoftomorrow · 1 year ago

Text

A couple of reasons why I just don't care about my parents anymore.

(Apathy is safer, and anger is really tiring at this point.)

I can't believe I didn't realize this until it was explained to me, but my mother used therapy against me. She and my father would pint out that they "were trying so hard" but my mom always sat in on my sessions. The cycle was literally this:

Talk to therapist for three-ish minutes

I say something that ruins the "image" or that Mother just doesn't like

"That is NOT what happened, [deadname]. What have we talked about-"

Mother continues talking to therapist and I can't do anything but sit there for like half an hour

When we're out in the parking lot, Mother complains that I "never participate in therapy" and "you just need to try, you never try"

She also implied I was a whore when I told her I was pansexual. She asked what that was, and naïve 12-year-old me got really happy and explained it to her. Her fucking response?

"Oh, so you'll just sleep with anyone then."

I WAS TWELVE YOU PSYCHOPATH

I lost my virginity later that year to a 16 year old. Never told her, never wanted to. I didn't tell her anything anymore, to be honest.

My father was... also really bad. Physical abuse was always a thing, because of fucking course it was, but there's a few that stand out.

I was talking to a friend on my phone that he didn't like. Simple enough, right?

My father is 6'1" tall and built like those Scottish guys that lift boulders. He clocks in about 230 pounds.

HE FUCKING CRUSHED MY PHONE IN ONE HAND, PICKED OUT THE GLASS, AND TOLD ME TO GET HIM A BANDAID.

TW: Suicide Attempt

I was 10 when I started cutting, and 11 when I first tried to kill myself. This was when I was like, thirteen.

I tried using a cord to strangle myself, and he caught me. This man began yelling at me, berating me as I'm still suffocating. Then, he yanks the cord off and accuses me of wanting attention. Yeah, Robert, because I want that from you.

Then they both gaslight the fuck out of me until I ended up hospitalized and removed from the home. I went no contact at 19, because I needed the money. But once the bag was secured, I called my mother.

I was listening to "Hustle" by P!nk, because if I was changing my life, I'm crashing with style. Here's the play-by-play:

"Amanda?" I knew that she knew I was up to something.

"What is it?" The fakeness in her voice still makes me want to vomit.

"I don't want to see or hear from you or Robert ever again."

"...and can you tell me why?" There's loud and quiet anger. My mother is the second, and I inherited that. I know she's seething. But my parents have impressive masks.

I think that was the first humorous laugh I had let her hear, actually. I knew she was trying to bait me, trying to gaslight, and I was so fucking tired of it. Years of my life were lost to this bullshit.

"Figure it out." I hung up before she could respond. My parents always told me to do better, to take responsibility, to try, because clearly if I wasn't what they wanted, I wasn't doing enough.

So it's been exactly one year since that phone call. And I am thriving. I want everyone who's been in my shoes to know that you can make it. I still consider "Hustle" my theme song. I still flinch at quick movements, and have days I punish myself before someone else can do it. But I'm safe, and I'm getting better.

#long post #insane parents #toxic parents #tw gaslighting #tw sui attempt #tw abuse #tw anti lgbt

9 notes · View notes

pompadourpink · 1 year ago

Note

Hi mom! I need some advice ! I trust your opinion , im so sorry that this will be a long one ! Im starting my freshmen year at college this fall, after a prep year. I want to open an instagram account , i like taking pictures and i want to keep up with my friends from prep year. The thing is i am a socially anxious person. And when i was in middle school i was made fun of because i had so little followers ( like 25 smthing) and i got sad and closed my account. I was 12 when that happened, i was also being bullied in many other ways. So i am afraid now that people will mock me for not having many followers and they will think im unsociable or uncool or something like that. The thing is i also think instagram is a fake place, but many school clubs announce things there and in college you just want to fit in. Also i was the nerd all my school life, i got no attention from boys whatsoever. I got really insecure, all the people that saw me this year tell me that i have changed so much, now i get compliments about my looks but i still feel unconfident. When it comes to interacting with boys all my friends tell me im too unapproachable. Maybe an ig account will help that? honestly idk. and i know that im overthinking this issue but that’s me unfortunately 😭

part 1

part 2

actually i hate ig flirting? like what does liking a story even mean i hate that kind of stuff. But appearently my generation dont know how to make a move in real life because all the relationships i know of starts online. I cant complain because i could have made a move? but i didnt because im anxious and sometimes insecure because of all the bullying i got in middle school. They made fun of me in unimaginably cruel ways , it still has affects on me years later. I am so desperate for male attention, like i was wearing a tshirt that was slightly wide in the collar and a classmate checked me out , i got really happy! How silly is that! Because i was told that thet were disgusted to even look at me before and they dont consider me as a woman !

Now i go to the best college in the country, i changed a lot physically ( that doesnt matter, i could stay ugly and they had no right) and they are still horrible human beings. Sorry to burden you with all these stuff, it took another turn .

Since i got shit treatment for being ugly earlier in my life, i guess i need validation, posting pretty pictures and being hit on by boys and it sounds silly to me but it is like that.

What do you think about this issue? I know that it’s a bit all over the place , sorry about that! Lots of love ❤️❤️❤️

Hello dear,

There is a lot to unpack here so Dr Talks too much is back in office.

Of course, get IG if you feel like it. You were 12 long ago, those people are probably not in your life anymore (and if they are, they should get fired, no one will arrest you). I also have a ridiculous number of followers and don't ever think about it (at least they actually care when I post): that is not what we are here for, numbers mean nothing and anyone who tries to tell you anything different doesn't deserve a place in your life.

You are at an age where this type of desire makes sense. If you want a collage of the things you love to make yourself feel happy and discover yourself, do it. And yes, if people find your account and like it, you could make some friends. And if they don't and mock you, you know who to avoid.

The rant about loneliness is worrying me greatly. If I could go back and talk to my 18-year-old self, I would tell her to drop the boy-obsessed attitude. The truth is that being desperate is a bad look, but also a very obvious one. You can get groomed easily because what you want is flagrant and any guy at least a little bit charming will drive you insane by just maintaining eye contact and smiling. And if a man can be super lazy and still get you, he will do exactly that and play with you until he's bored and dumps you without a care in the world. That is not a compliment. There are too many stories of women who put men first and got fucked over for people your age to try it and think it will go differently. Make yourself the main character of your life instead of forcing yourself to live in the shadow of people who don't even seem to like you.

Now, some homework:

Watch this. Excellent advice from a 20-year-old lady making the best out of loneliness instead of letting it destroy her.

youtube

And this. What happens when girls are boy-obsessed. If you have time, watch the show. The entire world agrees that Carrie is the worst character of the series because she's a shit friend, doesn't learn from her mistakes, and can't be trusted.

youtube

And finally, worry about yourself. There are billions of men on Earth and many will find you attractive. You have a long life ahead of you. A nice body is not enough to keep a guy and even models get cheated on. Don't date someone because he liked your cleavage. Having low confidence is a curse because it turns you into a people pleaser, and that just makes you a liar and an easy victim. People can't know you if there's no one to know. A great personality is what makes people stick. Listen to yourself, try fun things, find a therapist, and get a couple of hobbies. Get yourself some girlfriends and do things with them, strengthen your circle, make yourself a person worthy of being befriended or dated, and one day someone will say oh, there's that guy I used to know in high school, I think you would really like him. Don't force it. Don't chase. Only accept someone truly happy to be around you, or sentence yourself to have to heal from relationships forever.

Love,

Mum

#ask #malks

10 notes · View notes

moonmeg · 2 years ago

Note

I’m not entirely sure what’s happening with the host mom sis1 & 2 stuff, but it sounds not very fun so I wish you the best and am here to remind you things will get better either with time or your own decision.

I've been annoying everyone around me with my problems here.

My family, my friends in Germany and my friends here, my tumblr and instagram followers... I've been reporting negative things for a while now, most of the time related to the younger sister, and at this point everyone is tired of hearing it, so I started writing down my thoughts and feelings in my notes so I don't annoy people important to me with my whining and complaining.

In either way, all you gotta know is that the younger girl I'm "babysitting" is plain rude, mean and disrespectful (esp. to me) and she has been since the beginning of my stay here with the family, which dates back to end of September. I've been enduring it like an idiot because I'm too much of an optimist most of the time and I see the good in people a lot. At first I thought it might just be a phase. Then I gaslit myself in believing I am the problem and that if I just approached her differently, it would change. It took me 4 months and a visit back to my family and friends to wake up and finally admit that what is happening, the way I'm being treated is not okay and I must put an end to it asap.

Which is what I did. I have exactly two weeks left in Italy now. I'm going back on the 2nd of March and it feels like such a relief to know it's only so little time left and I'll be gone. It won't be my responsibility anymore. It won't be my problem anymore. I'm free. I'll have my parents back who I don't have to prove my usefulness to, my brothers who I can play and spend time with without fearing they'll get so incredibly mad at me for even asking, my friends, my cat, my waitress job, my time for drawing, my peace of mind (more or less), my home. I won't have to yearn for it anymore. It's so close to reach but still so far.

I don't have big problems with the host mother per say, she just sometimes makes me feel like I'm not enough and like I'm disappointing her and... well, for a people pleaser there's nothing worse than feeling like you've disappointed someone.

But yeah... still have my situations with the younger sister but I should be able to survive it to the 2nd of March.

#moonmegs au pair in 🇮🇹

21 notes · View notes

madmarchhare · 1 year ago

Text

The Monk and the Traveller: Exerpt

This is a separate part from the story I have posted so far with a great break from the last snippet. This is because some big bits happen in between and I don't want to spoil the story too much as I intend to publish it. Sorry, but I hope you all like it.

Again, this story is set in 1908 Japan, specifically the Tohoku region. I am not Japanese so if I make any errors please do tell me.

He smiled and smoothed over greetings, letting his words drip with nectar as he spoke. A few seemed interested, offering to pay him for private exorcisms and the like… But most simply offered him pitying looks and their good wishes. He didn’t press them, not wanting to push his fortunes while he was alone. The worst were the ones who either ignored him outright, or who regarded his faith with disdain or disinterest.

Still, he couldn’t complain. He had earned far more in this one opportunity than the last three days… Though his own pride was wounded by that fact. He found Collier irritating, simply innately, which made his kindness all the more infuriating… And shameful to an extent. Cherry new this of course, but that didn’t resolve the matter. Cherry stood alone at the fringe of the party, contemplating his thoughts while being frankly overwhelmed by the scale of the party, nervously fingering the stem of a half-empty champagne glass.

“Good evening,” a soft yet powerful voice spoke up next to Cherry, making him start slightly. He turned around to see a woman, roughly his height, wearing in a white dress and pearl necklace. She looked at Cherry with a cocky but somehow reserved smile, standing relaxed before him.

“Good evening,” Cherry replied hurriedly, bowing to her.

“Sakai Nanase, I suppose you’d call me defunct aristocracy,” she replied, flashing a cheeky smile as she did.

“Nekomata Sakuranbou, second monk of the Buddhist temple of Monjusan, near Yamagata,” he responded, speaking grandly as he introduced himself, bowing again to the woman’s amusement. “Wait… Sakai?” he inquired with a confused and surprised look.

“Yes, that Sakai[1], the once great daimyō[2] of Shōnai… Not much of a grand title anymore is it,” she remarked sardonically. “But, in regards to you, why are you here? You don’t exactly think of Buddhist monk’s and high-class parties, [possible reference to previous Japanese gov].”

“Oh, my temple is encountering some… financial difficulty at the moment, poor donations season,” he explained, ending on a light fabrication.

“Then why are you here, rather than the temple head to drum up donations?”

“My fath-the head monk is too busy to risk leaving,” Cherry explained correcting himself before his agitation with the man in question caught him.

“Your fath…?” Sakai led, an investigative tone masking her voice. Though not her expression of mischief.

“… My father is the head of the temple, with my other family members helping around the temple,” Cherry brusquely explained, trying to crush a note of sourness in his voice as he mentioned his father.

Sakai looked at Cherry with an intrigued expression, shifting her stance as to stand next to him, silently as Cherry stared back out at the party nervously, downing the last of his drink from the stress. “A pious cause, no doubt,” she remarked, watching the party and the grand charades of politeness and power-plays intermingled with comfort and extravagance. “Not exactly fitting in with the mood however…”

“You likely right,” Cherry replied wearily, his exhaustion catching up with him. Sakai regarded him for a moment, seeming to mull something over in her mind.

“… How much does your temple need then?” She suddenly blurted out, catching Cherry by surprise, spinning his head to look at her.

“Pardon?” he answered weakly, unable to think of what else to say as his mind scrambled for a question or an amount.

“Never mind,” Sakai cut him off before he could respond, grabbing a scrap of paper and scrawling something upon it. “Would this be enough?” she demanded, shoving the not in front of Cherry’s face, the man jumping as soon as he read it.

“T-this would be more than enough! It’s almost too much… but why-”

“I though I should earn some good karma before I go. This seemed a good way,” she replied casually, grinning at the monk. Cherry was silent for a while, staring at the amount.

“Thank you, I wish you great blessings in your next life, namusan.”

“Don’t mention it. I’ll get you the money in a few days. Though, if you were looking for money, I’m surprised you didn’t go looking to shakedown that foreigner that’s here today,” she quipped, grabbing a glass of champagne off the platter of a passing servant and deftly downing a third of it.

“Foreigner?” Cherry asked, realising who she likely meant as soon as the question left his mouth.

“Yeah, some Englishman who’s here for a friend,” she answered dismissively, Cherry shrinking slightly from embarrassment.

“Collier you mean,” Cherry huffed out tiredly, getting a surprised look from Sakai.

“You know him?” she asked, interested, Cherry bristling slightly as he realised he had tripped himself slightly.

“I met him as I was making my way here, he seeming a… interesting man. But I didn’t have time to ask,” Cherry fabricated, avoiding meeting her gaze as he did. She made a noise of consideration as she stared out into the party.

“Well, he’s over there now.” Cherry looked up to where she was watching, seeing Collier surrounded by a number of people and talking to them boldly. He had left his hat and coat with the servant from earlier, now in a black, single-breasted, jacket that matched his trousers and went well with his white shirt and amber-gold cravat. He seemed to chip into the conversation innocuously every so often, mingling with the number of military men and civil servants he was surrounded with. He was sides on to Cherry, so that the he was quite in Collier’s line of sight. “Why don’t we go say hello,” Sakai stated evilly, making Cherry twinge from nervousness and embarrassment.

“I don’t believe that’s nec-” Cherry blurted out, but gave up after Sakia had already made it half-way to Collier, rushing to join them so he wasn’t neglected from the conversation. He didn’t trust Collier’s own prudence.

“It roughly means something akin to, ‘I shall die for the Glory of the Czar and Russia’,” Collier was explaining to an officer near to him, his back to the approaching pair as his talking companion nodded.

“Collier-San!” Sakai called as she approached, catching both his attention and that of those around him. “I should like to have chat with you,” she added, a few of those around Collier having walked off as she had come over.

“Oh, of course,” he responded pleasantly, turning quickly back to man he had been speaking to, ��I apologize Major, I’ll talk to you another time.” The other man nodded, waiving off the apology as unnecessary and began walking away, shooting a glance to Sakai.

Cherry had met up with them as Collier turned around to face them, which allowed him to notice a number of medals on his breast, and one hung around his neck. The latter firstly was hung by a dark blue and red ribbon, the medal itself being a red cross with flared ends, held by a crown at the top, with the centre being a blue circle and white English characters Cherry couldn’t read, a small wreath surrounding the circle.[3] As for the medals on his breast, there were a few. Firstly, one with a red and purple ribbon, the latter colour being a wide centre stripe, from which hung an eight-pointed star in a dull silver, the centre having a blue circle surrounded by a silver wreath, containing a pair of crossed swords surrounded by English writing.[4] Then a medal with a ribbon that sported a wide dark blue stripe in the centre, red-white-red stripes patterns on either edge. The medal itself was silver Maltese cross under a red oval, belted in blue and topped with a crown, containing an odd pattern.[5] The fourth, a gold Maltese cross with red-enamelled faces, ornamental decoration between the arms, surrounding a small painting of a woman in the centre. It was suspended from a pointed trapezoid red ribbon, thing yellow stripes set in slightly from the edge.[6] The fifth, hung from a triangular golden ribbon with light blue edges, a golden double headed eagle holding two half-laurels withing a crown.[7] The sixth had a pea green ribbon, with thin red stripes in from the edge, being hung from a metal clasp that ended in a bronze star in a sideways crescent. Underneath was a seven-pointed star covered with green enamel and balled points. The centre contained a red sphere with Arabic and a matching crescent to the one above it.[8]

And the final one, the most modest of them all and set furthest to the left, furthest from Collier’s heart, hung from a red ribbon with two equally sized Prussian blue stripes, was a dull silver medal bearing a woman’s stern face, wearing a crown, held to the ribbon by a pressed bar.[9]

Cherry looked at the medals astounded, though hid it from his face. Sakai looked at him with an intrigued gaze. “I had no idea you were such a decorated man, Collier-San,” she announced velvety, an arrogant expression on her face. Collier glanced down to the awards she referred to and laughed in response.

“Oh, no. They’re just civilian awards, nothing so grand,” Collier responded, seeming to laugh off her compliment. She smiled up at him, an evil sort of smile.

“In any case, you’ve met Nekomata-San, haven’t you? He said you met him while coming to the party today,” Sakai diverted, Cherry feeling nervous as she prodded at his story.

“Yes, I saw him on the way to the party and wanted a conversation,” Collier responded, seemingly instantly running with the story surprising the monk, “I like to learn about foreign religion you see, it helps in my work, and I couldn’t pass up an opportunity to talk to a Japanese monk.” Cherry subtly breathed a sigh of relief that Collier didn’t contradict his story, as Sakai looked slightly disappointed for some reason, Collier taking the moment to glance at Cherry with a knowing and amused expression, smirking to himself. Cherry kept his embarrassment to himself.

“I see… What did you receive those medals for then, is it related to the work you mentioned?” Sakai asked, trying to lead the conversation to somewhere interesting.

“I suppose you could say that,” Collier began, placing his hands behind his back, “I’m a naturalist you see… I write books on nature: flora, fauna, and peoples. I received this one for my works in the field,” Collier finished, lifting up the medal around his neck.

“Is that the same for the others?” Sakai asked, half-interested. Cherry watched interestedly, admittedly curious about this new facet of the hunter he knew.

“Mostly… I also do some work for civil affairs or help in other ways. That’s how I got these three,” pointing to the fourth, fifth and sixth medals, “I received them from Russia, the Austrians and Ottomans, respectively. They aren’t the highest of awards mind you, just thanks for general things.”

“What about that one?” Cherry asked, pointing to the final one, his curiosity getting the best of him.

Collier’s face seemed to fall slightly at the question, “Oh… that one. It’s my General Service Medal, from when I served in India,” Collier finished, his voice twanging with melancholy.

“Service?” Cherry inquired further, not understanding, though bothered by Colliers change in temperament.

“Military service,” Collier answered, stressing the former word, displeased at it almost.

“Oh…” Cherry responded, not knowing what else to say. Sakai looked at Collier with a now more intrigued look, though attempting to disguise it with more appropriate sternness or sympathy. She hadn’t quite made up her mind.

“Anyway, sorry to have to leave you so soon, but I have someone I must talk too. I hope you both enjoy your evening.” Collier spun on his heel and strode away, Cherry watching the decorated kitsune march through the party, deftly snatching up a glass of champagne from a waiter as he walked by. Cherry felt slightly uncomfortable, feeling as if he pointed out something her shouldn’t have.

“It seemed we prodded at something we weren’t supposed too,” Sakai remarked, more entertained than apologetic. Cherry glanced at her nervously, unsure of quite what to make of the women. But, he didn’t want to say anything that could risk the donation as of yet. She seemed to toss something around in her head, a considering grin on her face. “If you give me the address of your temple I’ll have my… donation, lets call it, delivered.” Cherry seemed pleased at her agreement, though noticed a flaw.

“Our temple doesn’t have an exact address I can give you,” Cherry pointed out, apologetically. Sakai stopped for a moment, her expression not shifting much as she thought it over.

“But it’s near the city?”

“Yes,” Cherry replied quickly.

“Then I’ll send the money there and you can go and retrieve it.” Cherry turned to look at her with a surprised expression, a nervous smile pulling at his lips.

“P-pardon, Sakai-Sama?” Cherry inquired, unsure of how to take her meaning. She looked down at him, even though they were roughly the same height, with a sadistic expression.

“You heard, just go down and fetch it when it arrives. I’m sure you’ll get enough for the train fare there.” She finished with a cruel levity, enjoying her little act of tyranny. Cherry saw why she had wanted some good karma before she passed. “In any case, you should go and enjoy the party. I think you can be forgiven for rewarding yourself tonight,” she smiled widely as she encouraged the man, wandering off before Cherry could respond. He spent the time chatting occasionally to a few people, mostly remaining silent as they talked at him, which suited him fine.

He didn’t speak to Collier for the rest of the party. Not out of rudeness or… any awkwardness mind you. He was just, busy, talking to a trio of three of the guests. Cherry didn’t see him leave, but he couldn’t see where he was otherwise. After that, his exhaustion getting the better of him, he excused himself from the party. He retrieved his khakkhara and thanked the clerk who had fetched it back. He thought about asking weather Collier had left, but decided against it.

The bellboy at the front opened the door for him with a sour expression, his disdain for Cherry undisguised on his face now that Cherry alone. Cherry tried to walk quickly back to where he had been relieved of his robe, but failing due to his faltering muscles, worn by poor eating and little good rest. Combined with a head sunk in alcohol as champagne sloshed about in his near empty stomach, he felt as if he’d black out after each step. He eventually made it to the hotel where Collier was staying, having to squint through watery eyes to properly make it out.

“Oh, there your are sir,” the chamberlain from before declared, opening the door for Cherry as he approached. “Collier-Sama said you would be back soon. I’ll go fetch your robes, you just sit here,” the man explained as he manoeuvred the exhausted monk over to a plush sofa and placed him into it.

Cherry slurred out a jumbled thank you, nodding off as the man ascended the stairs, tuning out the dissonant sounds of a conversation until he heard the chamberlain again. “Cherry-San, your robes.”

“Oh, right, thank you,” Cherry thanked, removing the jacket Collier had given him and exchanging it for his kesa which he swiftly donned, the loose robe fitting him much better. He checked that his belongings were still in the coat and exhaled from relief. The chamberlain nodded to Cherry appreciably, then turned to do something else, rushing away. Cherry was about to get up and leave, but decided to rest his eyes for a moment. He blacked out right after that.

[1] The ruling clan of Shōnai Domain (庄内藩, Shōnai-Han). Located in Dewa province, modern day Yamagata Prefecture. In the Boshin War of 1868–69, the domain joined the Ōuetsu Reppan Dōmei [the alliance of northern domains supporting the Tokugawa shogunate]. The clan and their domain later defected to the Imperial side. As with all other domains, it was disbanded in 1871.

[2] Daimyo (大名, Daimyō) were powerful Japanese magnates/feudal lords who, from the 10th century to the early Meiji period in the middle 19th century, ruled most of Japan from their vast, hereditary land holdings. They were subordinate to the Shogun and nominally to the Emperor and the Kuge. In the term, dai (大) means 'large', and myō stands for myōden (名田), meaning 'private land'.

[3] Order of Merit Medal: A British medal, established in 1902 by King Edward VII, that recognizes distinguished service in the armed forces, science, art, literature, or for the promotion of culture. The Motto in the centre reads ‘FOR MERIT’

[4] Indian Order of Merit: A military and civilian decoration of British India established in 1837 by General Order of the Governor-General of India, but was discontinued from 1954. The civilian division of the medal only existed between 1902 and 1939. The words written in the blue belt around the central emblem of crossed swords read ‘AWARDED FOR VALOUR’.

[5] Royal Victorian Order: a dynastic order of knighthood established in 1896 by Queen Victoria to recognize distinguished personal service to the monarch of the Commonwealth realms, members of the monarch’s family, or to any viceroy or senior representative of the monarch. The medal varies in size and has multiple classes, the lowest being ‘Member’. For which, the appearance is described above. The words described read ‘VICTORIA’, the name of the Monarch who awarded it, and the odd symbol is their royal cypher.

[6] Order of Saint Anna: A dynastic order of knighthood, established by Karl Friedrich, Duke of Holstein-Gottorp, on 14 February 1735, in honour of his wife Anna Petrovna. Between 1797 and 1917 it had dual status as a dynastic order and as a state order. Membership of the Order was awarded for a distinguished career in civil service or for valour and distinguished service in the military. It features a picture of St. Anna in it’s centre

[7] Imperial Order of the Iron Crown: established in 1815 by Emperor Franz I of Austria. One of the highest Merits in the Austro-Hungarian Empire. It could be awarded to foreigners.

[8] Order of Osmaniye: a civil and military decoration of the Ottoman Empire created in January 1862 by Sultan Abdülaziz, awarded by the Sultan to Ottoman civil servants and military leaders for outstanding services to the state. It was also given to foreigners. The calligraphic writing in the red section reads ‘Relying on the Assistance of Almighty God, Abdulaziz Khan, Sovereign of the Ottoman Empire’.

[9] Indian General Service Medal[1854]: A campaign medal issued to officers and men of the British and Indian armies for various minor military campaigns in India and nearby countries, between 1852 to 1895. It shows an image of Queen Victoria on the obverse.

@thewormsheep @truegoist @httpghostface @psycho-zom-atic

@sleepy-gry @jemimacatclover @yami-shakai @shark-smuggler

@youkaigakkou-tl @the-messenger-hawk @theriu @meliohy

#writitng #creative writing #fiction #japan #HMAD

3 notes · View notes

captainhowlreadyforboarding · 2 years ago

Text

15 Questions | 15 People

Thanks for the tag @goodomensandbadpress <333

Rules: Answer the questions and tag 15 people (or not because you're social circle on here is as small as mine lmao)

1. Are you named after anyone? Well I did take my name from the greek goddess Athena, so yeah. Kind of. 2. When was the last time you cried? oh like two days ago from I guess sensory overloud and physical icks. 3. Do you have kids? No, but I do plan on having some eventually! 4. Do you use sarcasm a lot? Too much sometimes, I think. I do love me some sarcastic banter and I have been called iconic for my one liners, so luckily people know not to take my quips personally xD 5. What's the first thing you notice about people? Their style and aesthetic, probably. Also whether they are looking at me! It's kind of weird but I look around a room so often that when somebody is looking at me, I usually notice and stare back? So I guess I notice the way they gaze as well. 6. What's your eye colour? A mishmash of brown and green, depending how the light hits. They used to be more green when I was younger tho. 7. Scary movies or happy endings? Happy endings or I'll cry. I once watched a sad movie and I literally cried about it for an entire week. It was bad. 8. Any special talents? Not sure what's meant exactly by talents, but I am pretty good at acting/playing roles! Also I love handcrafting things and I am good at it (or at least persistent) but it's technically a learned skill. 9. Where were you born? In a hospital :) 10. What are your hobbies? Oh I have many!!! Handcrafting things (knitting, crocheting, sewing), writing, drawing, fashion, listening to music, planning my future en detail, learning languages... 11. Do you have any pets? No but I want these like prehistoric crabs? The tiny things children get in these science kits? Y'all know what I mean or is this solely a thing where I live? 12. What sports do you play/have played? I used to swim and do ballet for over 10 years, as well as do karate for a few and I've always loved sport! But unfortunately my disabilities got worse and I had to stop doing these sports, and it's really hard to start again, because everytime I start to get the motivation the pain flares up again or something, leaving me demotivated for another long period of time. It's also awful that people perceive me as being very unathletic, not sporty, because that's actually not true, I love doing sports! However, I feel like no one believes me because in school. I used to always complain about PE and stuff, because I was being discriminated against for being disabled, which made me miserable looking at sports, so all my friends who witnessed that and also later on me struggling with moving caused everyone to adapt the mindset that I cannot do sports, will not do sports and hate sports, which hurts on a personal level actually. Yeah, sports is a complicated topic with me. 13. How tall are you? Like 5'1. Yeah it's small and I will not grow anymore. But I actually don't really mind. Just think it's funny that I'm smaller than pre-serum Steve Rogers. 14. Favourite Subject at school? German and English for the win! Theater as well though. 15. Dream job? To become a doctor, and I'm actually currently preparing for a kind of entrance exam!

So I knoow you're supposed to tag 15 people, but I'm keeping the numbers quite small. Also tagging people I know from my main blog, so yeah, @nelabelievesindragons and @madelineorionswan if y'all want to answer the questions, feel free!

#ask game #disability #theny talks nonsense

4 notes · View notes

jacewrites · 2 years ago

Text

I wanted to start this playlist of my life with the hardest song to write about, hoping that all others would fall into place. I'm not sure how many posts this series will have since I'm still creating this wonderful life and there are surely going to be many more songs to add to this playlist. Or at least I hope there are. I've always hated the story trope where; exactly when the main character is starting to get his life together; they die. Even though death is in fact sudden and we don't always get what we want from life before it's long lost lover takes us... I've always thought it's cheap writing to have that story end there.

Anyhow...

Here's "Liability" by Lorde

We start with a slow piano, we hear of how Lorde is crying in a taxi after she's been hurt by someone who referred to her as being similar to a storm. Lorde was called poisonous. There was a point in my life when I was referred to as "toxic"; as a person with so much baggage; that I was not worthy of my love's love.

We see a person's identity splinter. She runs into the arms of the girl that she loves... Herself. And describes it as the only love that she has not "screwed up" refers to herself as a person who is difficult to please and even compares herself to a Forrest fire. I too have taken this approach; to see myself as someone else sees me. Seeing only the despicable person she said I was... Despising the man in the mirror.

She demands to be loved, if only by herself. Because everyone else believes her to be too intense, as a responsability that nobody wants to take ownership of; a burden. But not at first, oh no, she brings you in, makes you love her, need her and then when you see her... You pull back. It's so difficult to love yourself when someone is actively telling you that you're more trouble than you're worth. That you somehow tricked them into seeing a masked version of yourself.

She believes that she is too much of a burden for any one person to handle and her voice breaks at the realization. She is "a toy, that people enjoy, untill all of the tricks don't work anymore" an object that you love to play with so much that you break it and then discard it. It's not shiny and new anymore. Why should you care? And us, the toys, we remember how perfect every summer day was; and it eats us up inside that it's winter, it's dark and we're alone.

It angers her; to realize how those people that she thought loved her, don't want to deal with her darkness as much as her light. If I am "too much to handle"; she decides: then I won't have anyone carry with this burden. "You're all going to watch me disappear into the sun" she emphasizes as she plans to take her life out of spite, spite to those who've wronged her. A final act of defiance, the only one she feels that she has left. Making them finally hear her as she says to them: "This is your fault". It's incredible how much your vision can be impaired in those situations. You don't want to be a burden to anybody, and the savior complex kicks in... "I need to save you from the burden of me" But it's also mixed with anger. How dare you stop caring about me once I'm not a shiny toy anymore? How dare you complain about my broken heart, when it was you who broke it? And the solution comes to mind... As poisonous as an apple in a fairy tale. I'm gonna make a very final decision... And make you carry it for the rest of your life, because it was you who irreparably broke me.

How do you even crawl out of that hole? I'm not really sure how I did it. But I know they were small steps ranging from something as simple as: "Gifting yourself one more day" to something as complex as learning to love yourself.

If you got all the way to the bottom; thanks for reading me; if you liked it consider "liking" it. And if it made you feel something, feel free to comment what it made you feel. I'd love to hear from you.

#artists on tumblr #writing #spotify #lorde #playlist #PlaylistofmyLife #music

3 notes · View notes