#and I don’t feel like spiting them
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Look like if I thought I could get away with it and if I was catholic or Christian or whatever I would definitely become a nun just to avoid the whole “you dating anyone?” “See anyone you like?” And the “so you’ve never dated?” Bullshit
#also I’m like#pagan#I worship a very specific set of gods#and goddesses and muses#and I don’t feel like spiting them#they might smite me#asexual#aromantic#aroace#ace#aro
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I think a big misunderstanding is the power people give Curly to actually change things about the way the pony express operates or could’ve done things on the Tulpar.
We are talking about a company that docks pay for bad synergy despite mandated psych evals that should tell which staff members would work well together, only allots for 5 hours of sleep despite having literally no other tasks to truly do and locks all resources behind the access of one person. The last one is likely to manage resources and make it easier to justify collective punishment and blaming one person for it; someone needs something in “excess” or the captain gives in? It’s all on them your pay is docked. Instant resentment.
It’s insidious how the company works, it’s by design to distract you from coming after them, to force tensions to line their own pockets. With all the restrictions and forced interactions, altercations are bound to happen. 5 hours of sleep a day, limited sources of entertainment, no real tasks… the monotony alone would cause bad cabin fever, mix that with just only one absolute mediator and you get the exact environment that allows shit like in the game to happen.
The idea he could just complain and try to throw his weight around to get them to dig into their pocket for the crews comfort is laughable and misses the predatory and dehumanizing aspect of capitalism the Pony Express represents. Curly was and is still just another asset to them. Being a top show pony doesn’t mean he’s anywhere close to the actual top. He is the top of the working ladder, not whoever’s in corporate, he wouldn’t even be on the bottom step unlike what Jimmy perceives. The resounding recommendations he would get are almost mocking as they throw him out like nothing just like the rest. Being a shitty fucking company, how much do you bet they’d mean anything anyways, especially since he wanted to leave the field all together.
He made a fuss and they didn’t listen, he says he should’ve done more but you can tell he knows it wouldn’t have changed anything. Jobs like this are willing to make a sacrifice if it means even a penny more. Curly makes a bigger fuss they likely would’ve just found an “unrelated” reason to fire him, hired a more pliable guy or, terrifyingly, promoted Jimmy. The company was failing, going to shut down whether anything happened on the ship or not. But knowing that they were shutting down and that everyone, including him, would be out of a job with this being their last paycheck, he had to factor in not destroying the last bit of their financial stabilities combined with every other issue on the vessel and his own. He gets another cryopod or locks and then he has to break to them that they are not only fired but there will be substantial cuts to their paychecks due to the “upgrades” (things that already should’ve been in place on their part) on top of anything else that could be docked along the way.
You can blame him for saying it so early into the trip but then again, if he mentioned it later who’s to say it wouldn’t have been worse? On the capitalism side alone how would people in a galaxy away from home, out of a job and already stir crazy react? Don’t get me started on how Jimmy would have reacted if he realized he only had two days left to fix what would be a very hard to miss “problem” in his head…
I can’t even consider explaining this as devils advocate because it’s just facts of the world we and they live in and factors that heavily affected the situation. People are just so quick to make claims on the ease of the choices when P.E literally makes it hard to choose to do anything but suck it up.
#this is also like a sort of point that while I wanted Curly to do more for Anya I realized he would have to jeaporsiE the crews safety in#some way like if they needed the cryopods one person would be left without one and like it would be curly he’d offer but don’t think any of#them would be happy or feel okay with letting him die over a rapist? he kills Jimmy and now he has to stand trial and be arrested for murder#because it’s not self defense or manslaughter like they could obviously lie but he wouldn’t let them do that in case of a sort of black box#or guilt on their mind specifically with Daisuke who would likely be kept out of the loop not to mention it’s a dead body with a limited#likely recycled air supply so again he’s getting tried for murder and they are down a cryopod#not to mentions again the fact that you need a copilot like I know like aviation law and shit is crazy and like not common knowledge#but you bed a second set of eyes or someone to trade off with so you don’t loose ur concentration or doze and crash#like they don’t just sit their and do nothing like Jimmy probably did some of the time cause Curly likely didn’t want to make him#cause like pissed off and spiteful Jimmy manning the controls even if just helping is not something he wants to deal with and risk their#lives but i digress I genuinely think the biggest flaw of Curly’s in the situation is being a man who could not handle or understand the#emotional gravity of what Anya experienced especially at the hands of someone who he was also#emotonal/mentally mistreated by and wanted to so badly to believe was his friend and improving#like he did not offer her enough or the proper emotional/physical security he could’ve as a captain nor friend but in that it goes right#back to the systems at play that make it so he isn’t meant or supposed to understand so it can’t be perpetuated and blah blah blah how many#times do I have to explain systematic oppression to certain groups in this fandom and it isn’t cut n dry of good guys bad guys and victims#as outliers of the tow categories l#mouthwashing#captain curly#mouthwashing game#curly mouthwashing#the pony express#The Tulpar
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I like seeing my favs happy as much as the next guy but like sometimes it’s not about a happy ending for me it’s about the most interesting conflict and Lucanis sticking with the job and all the drama that comes with it is ten times more interesting in that regard if I want a runaway crow I simply already have Zevran
#lucanis dellamorte#I also just do not see Mr. Lucanis ‘I’m not losing anyone else’ Dellamorte as being ready to just up and leave any time soon#his relationship with his family and his job is complicated and I need the nuance I need the paralyzing ‘don’t wanna go don’t wanna stay’#of it all to live#A happy ending is an ending I need to keep putting him in situations#I just don’t wanna take the easy route of Rook being like ‘let’s go!’ and because he loves her he’ll just abandon his own feelings on the#matter and be like ‘okay sounds good I just got my family back and running away means if I see them again they’ll probably be trying to kill#us both for leaving an organization we’re technically not supposed to be able to leave :)’#on top of not putting him in that position I don’t think she’d do it to Viago either#at the end of the day between the people they care about and that all they know are the crows I think they’d both choose the devil they know#taliesin de riva#I should really come up with a ship tag to stick these posts in rip#dav thots#💕; you me and spite makes three#the fabled ship tag
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I made a lmk oc
#they’re supposed to be some sort of experiment to see if people could recreate Sun Wukongs stone egg. the goal was to make a more controlled#and tame version using carved wood and cultivation. but eventually they got worried about it becoming too powerful and scrapped it#eventually they come to life and live in the abandoned temple they were built in#their bottom half is made of wood because when they came to life their creator/s left them unfinished when they scrapped the project#they had to carve the rest of their body out of hunger and frustration because they couldn’t eat or move much by crawling on their top half#this is also why they spite their creators and hate irresponsible creation. because of abandonment issues and feeling like they have no#purpose or direction in life#their power is also very limited to due being man made since they were originally a wood carving#meo gave me the idea but one reason would be because they’re half finished. the sculpture was still half stump so it was completely untouche#that half can channel power in its raw form but the other half cannot once it’s been carved by man#so technically they could have the same level or potential for power as the stone but that was dampened#the other thing is how they were created to be a duplicate or recreation of a stone monkey and a celestial looked at that and was like#‘we’re not doing that again’ LMAO#i think the case of them carving their own legs doesn’t take away their power though. that balance was made#before they came to life so carving the legs or not can’t affect it anymore. like making a cake and slicing it#their energy levels are also naturally low because of that so their movements are sluggish and they aren’t very active overall#constantly lying in the sun to charge their batteries and get some stuff done. just like me fr#I actually don’t know what I’m gonna do with this character besides Put Them In Situations with other ppls ocs.. so if you have#a lmk oc you have been warned /lh /j#I wanna make some backstory art for them though.. maybe even the animatic treatment if I can get through dear wormwood which is 25#SECONDS OUT OF 3 MIN BTW#doodles#Lego Monkie kid#lmk#Monkie kid#lmk oc#monkie kid oc#myart#my art#xin ya
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I’ve been lurking in the 911 tags for only a week and I’m already exhausted of most b*ddie shippers holy shit
#the annoying ones know who they are#this isn’t a personal attack#I truly don’t want them to become canon out of spite#why even tag your hate in the goddam tag dedicated to another ship#Tommy’s tag has a lot of hate and people talking about eddie how there’s clues etc etc#I haven’t been deeply involved in fandoms in the last few years for this exact reason#when it becomes too meta it kinda ruins it for me#people digging through interviews and trying to find evidence in situations that weren’t intended that way in the writing drains you#sorry to break it to you#but Bucky is into tommy and was since the beginning of meeting him#yall going#well actually#he’s in love with eddie but doesn’t know and misplaces it with Tommy#is tiring#I don’t know if b*ddie will be canon but not everything has to be about romance with them#they seem to have a connection that goes even deeper than romance#having them be a couple just kinda irks me#they don’t need to be two bros sitting in a bathtub five feet apart but they seem like soulmates in a way that I don’t see as romantic#I say as an aromantic person too#deep connections can be just as intense and interesting if even more than coupling up#obviously not tagging the ship name cause I’d be lynched if I do#and again this isn’t about the actual ship it’s more about the fandom and how they feel entitled to claim theories as facts#lety rambles#tommy kinard#tevan#tuck#911#911 abc#911 show#bucktommy
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yeah I know Luke’s been running around saying he ‘can be a bit of a pessimist’ but I just wanna give him a little bit more credit than that. he’s been through so much and yet we’ll hear him talking about times that are ‘marred with trauma’ but still he can’t ever regret for getting him to where he is today. this whole year he’s been making an effort to do things that scare him and he even finds hard, he’s been pushing himself out of his comfort zone and doing 1000 solo interviews as well as his shows and last year he went to bogota to film 7 music videos in 2 days and believed he could do it and he did. he talks about mental health related things in such a way that’s filled with acceptance, not complaint or bitterness but dare I say even optimism, dropping horrifying little descriptions to already heartbreaking songs since 2021 and then turning around and saying writing songs is what gets him through it, he ‘wouldn’t have a good relationship with anything’ if he didn’t make them but he’s super proud of himself after and wasn’t put off by how much work it was gonna be even though it did make him apprehensive and he goes and mentions how it wasn’t easy. you look at everything we know of him for the last decade and a half and realise, maybe it was never easy. but someone once described optimism as curiosity + resilience rather than being naively happy all the time in denial of everything going on around. and with that active brain and all the things he figures out while writing all his beautiful songs there’s definitely curiosity there. and with everything he’s been through to keep choosing to be himself and do whatever he needs to do there’s so much resilience. and I’ve seen this spirit in the songs of sounds good feels good and 5sos5, as well as littered through wfttwtaf and boy; every project being a quiet, kinda emo, statement of survival. I’m just one fan with too many opinions but this is something I’ve always loved about the band, and a decent portion of it was always brought to the table by luke and idk I just think we should acknowledge it
#I feel like I’ve been trying to say this for ages—you can struggle with mental illness and still be optimistic and have a growth mindset etc#or cultivate those things if that’s what you wanna work on#didn’t really mean to use luke as an example but oh well#was thinking about the south sydney girlies who go through life with the most debilitating mental illnesses and acknowledge the pain etc#but don’t let it make us think our lives are ruined even if only purely out of spite. and there I’m referring to my friend group of course#can’t draw that link any further but it’s there in the culture and that’s one of my favourite things. plus there’s the whole way when#you’re nurturing neurodivergent kids in an area without heaps of supports you always focus on building confidence in what they’re good at#and I’m forever grateful that kinda summarises everything liz hemmings does and I bet being raised like that is a safety net against a lot#really hope they’re all super proud of that#luke hemmings#5 seconds of summer#5sos#wfttwtaf#boy ep#I’ll have praises for all 4 of them pop up from time to time btw
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what are everyone’s thoughts on the allura ships
#.txt#voltron#to be honest#in s1-3 I was like hardcore shallura + kl#then I started like#disliking how they really Really de aged her#like writing wise#in my head she’s like 27 mental age#I never rlly saw her as like#on level with any of the paladins#so I never really saw her with any of them#then lotura which tbh on some level I understood but like#idk for me it felt so removed from alluras character and when it was confirmed over I didn’t really feel anything#romellura could’ve been cool but 1 I don’t think the show runners were keen on Another lgbt chr#and 2 it felt a little forced on me like just bc they’re two alteans but that’s a me thing#allurance is the previously mentioned Never saw her w any of the paladins#I get the feeling that shallura has like#long since passed its prime#esp w the whole shiro is gay thing#but honestly I still really like it (might be the nostalgia talking)#idk shiro being gay seems like such a spiteful move from the creators#not written with intention at all just there to appease and give hope and taketh away#especially with Adam (shown for like three scenes before dying) and unnamed husband (wtf??)#feels super#oh you want gay rep THERE fine#all this to say would I get jumped if I posted positively abt shallura in 2024 I think yes I fear
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i knowwww mary kirby claimed lucanis is a virgin but respectfully i don’t actually care what she says. and in my heart the truth is this guy has had a series of vaguely unsatisfying one night stands mostly at illario’s behest. there’s that in game letter that mentions lucanis drunkenly impressing/charming a merchant prince to get them into the opera which i interpret as flirting and leads me to believe that like, maybe sometimes he would take someone to bed after a post-contract celebration. maybe illario set him up on a few dates in his early twenties that ended in average at best sex with some pretty boys or girls or whatever. and then he get his little crush on viago and we all see how that goes and he’s like okay. whatever. occasional casual sex is enough for me.
and then. finally. someone (rook.) presents him with a dildo as big around as their arm and he meets the maker face to face. turns out his calling in life is not assassination, it is bottoming. that can fix him. that Will fix him.
#btw in my heart he vaguely prefers men. not like strongly. but it’s there.#i don’t think he’s jacked it in a year+ bc if spite knew about jacking it that would be awful for everyone involved#but when he did jack it. pre ossuary. well i guess he was thinking about viago??#ew. honestly.#like in my mind lucanis has always been emotionally repressed but it seems like he maybe at one point had a TINY bit of game?#when he Does flirt with rook or reciprocate their flirting it doesn’t feel like someone who has Never flirted before#i think mostly his game was reliant on illario pulling someone for each of them. and he probably rarely if ever bothered trying on his own#but in another life he Could pull. like a little bit.#he’s used that kiss goodbye line before for SURE#LMAO#i DO also find virgin lucanis compelling and deeply endearing so maybe i’ll change my mind#but the word of god confirmation of his virginity is silly. to me.#and bc of my defiant nature i shrimply decided i don’t care about anything she says#unless i do.#which is only if it’s funny usually.#漫言#no reblogs on this one bc i’m scared. LOL
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me: hey, so i feel like you maybe disregarded my saying that caretaking on top of work and school and pre-planned travel is a lot for me right now and i’m not comfortable with all of that pressure being on me alone when i wanna make sure you guys have everything you need when i’m not around…
my family: of COURSE we heard you, that’s why we started doing a bunch of things by ourselves at great cost to our physical well-being instead of asking you for help!!!!!!
me:
#my number one emotion right now is wanting to move across the country out of spite as soon as my mom is fully mobile again#i am sooooooooo done#i had recommended looking into options for home care and my mom supposedly did#but then today she was like ‘idk… there’s just nothing that isn’t medical… there’s no options’#so i googled ‘caretaker help [name of our city]’ and found dozens of people IMMEDIATELY#sent her several links#idk i’m just really pissed off#all i’m suggesting that they do is make a plan in case something like this happens again#and they seem FLABBERGASTED#my mom-mom literally said to me multiple times ‘people don’t usually plan for bad things happening to them’#and it’s like. dude. your daughter is literally lying there in a cast right now bc she fell down the goddamn stairs#the bad thing DID happen!!!!!!!#so now that you’re THINKING ABOUT IT maybe make a plan for next time!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#and i was VERY nice about it#no bad words… no insults… measured and calm tone…#but they were treating me like i was being crazy and unreasonable and i just don’t GET it…#i know it can be hard to ask for help but this is honestly delusional#my mom hasn’t taken a vacation in over three years because she’s NEVER looked into home care before#and neither she nor my mom-mom are happy about that… they’re always venting to me about it#my mom about how she wants to get out more and my mom-mom about how she feels like a burden#and it’s like. my dudes…#just hire someone!!!!!#like. three hours a day tops… just to check in!!!!!#it wouldn’t be that hard!!!!!!!#am i nuts?????? someone reality check me please#i need something firm to grasp onto
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srry for all the joanfk reblogs im tired n I was in the mood to look at these beautiful pieces they are so tasty and they are so wonderful and I love em
Im the only joanfker left n that’s ok <3
(Now if only I can actually post how I do my fav clone babies now)
#the memories are nice m#I do miss you all#it’s kinda sad that like I’m prob the only consistent joanfk fan left#I mean it’s not the end of the world but it does make me feel lonely#maybe there’s a bunch of sleepy joanfkers in their hermit shell#but I still do draw my babies they are very important to me#I don’t draw them out of spite#I just feel happy to pair them canon or not#they make me feel comfortable and happy and i want to continue to draw them and their relationship#I love you joanfk#to another 20 and then another and then anoth#I have updated designs n info bout em and I hope I can post bout it someday
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all the pet advice I see comes down to two things; 1) Treat your animals as if they have their own feelings and wants and needs, because they do. 2) For fucks sake stop assuming your animal is smart enough to even want to spite you in the first place. Clearly their needs aren’t being met. Do something about that instead of punishing them for your failure.
#and they’re both right!!#bc like no Barbara your dog isn’t chewing on the couch to spite you#it’s just a working dog that isn’t played with or given a job#or um actually no your cat isn’t attacking you out of nowhere#you’re upsetting it and refusing to leave it be#so they’re resorting to biting and scratching because that’s all you respond to#or idk they just don’t fucking feel good and you should probably take them to the vet about it#idk man it’s just#it’s so easy to me???#it’s so intuitive#and maybe that’s bc I grew up around animals#and because I actually pay attention to their behaviors and don’t force them into things unless 100% necessary#but like come on#that’s a living breathing thing#you gotta stop expecting it to be anything else
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it’s probably log off time for me, but it’s so nasty when some people with an online presence are primarily motivated by being mean and feeling right. shitty little freaks those types are. can’t stand them at all. they can’t even sort out basic information, such as, if you’re so upset your vision begins to blur, it’s probably not the best time to engage in civil conversation.
#sometimes i just feel so alienated because I’m surrounded by unkind people#who have no care to hear about how unkind they are#even though they live a life of relative peace and comfort#even though they have a lot to say about the necessity of violence in spite of never throwing a punch#I just honestly don’t have any respect for someone cut from a cloth like this#I don’t know what it is about it but it makes them insufferable
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hm. having a mini gender crisis in the middle of my shift again
#pentababbles#good LORD is this getting annoying#got hit by a sudden dysphoria attack while talking to a girl and had to ask myself:#am I a trans guy or just really really butch??#like I feel. othered. from cishet women with my alternate lifestyle in spite of both sharing space with them AND being attracted to them#even though I know they see me as one of them so immediately I am Not a Threat despite not performing femininity very well#and I feel no communion or comraderie with cishet men. despite longing to emulate aspects of their performances#I don’t really wanna be seen as a ‘man’ but I don’t wanna be seen as a woman either#to women I want to be seen as an object of attraction. to my friends I want to be seen as masc. to men I want to be seen as a threat#and these things don’t all automatically line up with being a man…#I think I would be more comfortable with femininity if I was at least allowed to be masculine first.#like. I NEED to go shopping in the men’s section so so bad#I’d really like to start taking t. on a low dose#just for a little while then stop once I achieve certain permanent changes I want (low voice + bottom growth)#I wanna get back into exercising to trim some fat#specifically the fat in more feminine areas. I really want that Britney Griner type chest#I’ve also contemplated the name ‘Abraham’ for my irls to call me when I feel less femme#kinda like my butch bartender oc Quincy except I’m. not that muscular and not a she/her#although I’d probably be more comfortable with she/her if I wasn’t forced into femininity so often#I think at the end of the day though. I’m not a trans guy just a weird dyke#bc I like feminine labels specifically in a lesbian manner: I’m okay with being called girlfriend or wife but not with daughter or sister#I’m dykegender. does all that make sense
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So there’s this kid I work with who screams and kicks people for 20+ minutes straight because they don’t want to do a single worksheet. I don’t blame the kid though; there are absolutely zero expectations at home and all they eat is sugar, which can’t be good for their mood. I’ve been trying to think of ways for all the kids there to engage in healthier behaviors; but I’m specifically focusing on the ones with dire conditions (such as refusing to drink water, not eating enough, or harming people (which will put them in danger as an adult)).
Today I put a letters puzzle on a different kid’s desk to keep them occupied and this kid just walked over and did it because they’re a perfectionist and need everything in its place. Maybe I can put the letters puzzle on their desk to lure them there and then replace it with worksheets once they’re finished (to ease the transition), and that way I don’t have to physically carry an 80 pound child to their desk multiple times a day, and said kid doesn’t have to endure me carrying them. Ohhhhhhhhh my god that might work
Now I need to find a way to get them to drink water and eat more nutritious food. I can try the chart thing but idk if it’ll work on this kid. I can’t use candy as an incentive because they don’t like candy…
hmmmmmm
#Being in early education is basically getting paid to trick little children#It sounds bad but that’s literally what it is. There are multiple power dynamics at play and you need to know how to use them gently#But yeah any trickery that replaces carrying a kid is good trickery. I try to do that as little as possible#for the sake of their senses and my knees#but at some point the kid has to learn when they are at school; but are they learning if they’re kicking and screaming? No#If I had been placed here earlier in the year I might have thought of this (or something else) sooner and saved this kid a lot of grief#I still have to try it but I think it’ll work#It sucks because everyone I work with seems really burned out#and they don’t feel like — or have the time to — seriously brainstorm anything#So they get irritated with the kids and keep jamming the same techniques into them hoping this time it’ll be different#or maybe at this point it’s out of spite#Everything seems like it’s out of spite. The catty behavior from some people I am not close to bleeds through into everyone’s mood#and affects people who want no part in creating a toxic workplace#Like yeah the kids have issues but certain adults need to stop the fucking drama for TWO SECONDS#Fortunately I’m untouched by the social aspect of working because I don’t get involved in it very much#and I’m sort of new#and everyone loves me (for now LOL)
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i can’t tell you how ANNOYED i am
like genuinely im so annoyed. all this man has done is wax on and on poetics about the great character of all the people involved in this story but the second anything bad happens to these characters it’s just nah that’s too much let’s focus on something else
killing maiming etc
#it’s literally the opposite of wuthering heights#in wuthering heights everyone is so horrible that it becomes boring almost#in this book everyone is so ‘perfect’ that j don’t give a shit bout none of them#not my brain being like rewrite this shit for your own sanity#i probably won’t but i fucking might#out of spite#i’m so ANGRY LMAOOO#LET UR AUDIENCE FEEL THINGS YOU DICK#ren reads
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every time I leave a long, thoughtful comment on a fanfic where I put genuine thought and interest into what the author is trying to communicate to me, and don’t receive any reply, I get more and more pissed about people whining about never getting comments.
maybe the reason you’re not getting any comments is that people see the wasteland of comments on your work that received no reply and think that it would be a waste of time to comment. you can make all the pinkie promises you want that you super duper appreciate comments, but if you don’t actually show that in your work or reply, there’s no difference between your week old fic with no replies and a fic from 2007 left abandoned and dead, and you’re essentially arguing that you both deserve engagement for existing, while also claiming you have no responsibility whatsoever to engage back.
maybe engage with your audience a little and your audience will engage with you!
#also to be clear week old is an exaggeration but like if I see month old questions unanswered what am I gonna think?#“Golly gee this person sure cares about feedback!”#to be fair I am constantly online#and thus perceive the amount of time it takes to respond to a comment as much longer than it likely objectively is#and I’m also a bitter weirdo at night in ways that I don’t feel in the morning#so this is a spiteful rant I don’t actually 100% agree with#although actually genuinely#talk to your readers#most of my lifelong friends are people I met online#because I actively engaged with their comments over time and developed a relationship with them#and those four or five people are worth thousands of times more than shallow fame#if you want comments you have to reckon with the fact that commenters are just like you#they took the time out of their lives to comment on your work#the least you can do is pay them the same favor back#Fanfic discourse#fanfiction#fanfics#fanfiction discourse#fandom#writing#commenting#comments#rant#rantings#discourse
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