#and I can already feel myself zoning out
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GUESS WHO JUST UNLOCKED A NEW TRAUMATIC MEMORY
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silusvesuius · 2 months ago
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n*loth not being able to bag anyone over the (human term) age of 25-30 at most is the only logical and real conclusion to me because it can be just explained away as him wanting to prove and control everything and anyone (Cus he's a man!) but being stuck in that demographic because his unbearable and vile personality is a force that nobody can look past once they've outgrown the possible fear and idolization period of anyone but also n*loth in particular.
#text#i think even younger ones that possess the same nasty traits can be slammed back 'In their place' (in his mind) by him just bc his -#- abilities and power alone (alt. name the factors that make him 'Cool') that dumbs them down insanely in comparison#maybe by this i mean like; ild*ri. despite the animosity she could still feel very foolish and is conscious of her wuss-ness#if that makes sense#cause no matter the disrespect anyone might have for an older capable person the reality is still reality#tbh i just think he doesn't like to sweat it much and still aims for the younger ones bc it's easier than it would be for someone that's -#- 30+ years old#and once he's proven his point he doesn't find any merit in sticking with older ones cause their interests or anything they offer -#- don't matter to or interest Him personally#i think an older demographic is just more boring to him and he would rather spend his time being metaphorically sucked off for his greats -#- by someone that already finds themselves 'lesser' than him and always will for a long time#than someone that is defiant of that fact#basically the more power imbalance the better#in his mind there will always be one unless he certainly knows someone is his equal (or better than him) but he likes the add-on of an -#- age difference too#keeps it in a safe zone with less problems for him#sorry for spitting again my brain just started machine-gunning thoughts for no reason#also i said before that he's an innocence fan. might not be a total puritan but there's something there#it's kinda like him not wanting to be with a dusty ''OLD'' person that's seen a lot anyway#i'm like barely able to hold myself back from opening my mouth to mention t*lvas where i'm making a point about n*loth's brain where he -#- isn't even needed to prove it#but like#him voicing dislike of n*loth general nauseating character and actions but still sucking up to him while n*loth can probably feel -#- that dislike anyway is cute to me i like to view it as an object being thrown into the wall over and over#where n*loth is proving his own worth to other people by drilling their brains out with proof. not that he needs to#but he would like that to be perfected a 100%#and t*lvas is capable of being molded into that state ....... probably#silusvesuisuis you didnot just confess to wanting to see t*lvas be slammed into a wall you fucked up demented beast you're sick#actually can't believe i forgot to mention this but he's literally so immature idk what he has anything in common with actual mature people
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k1tty5 · 4 days ago
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hey hi hi hello ! I just wanted to say that I now have an ao3 account and will hopefully be posting some of my writing there soon :>
read more for more rambles (theres a lot) + sneak peek of my writing —>
so. I think i’ve been talking about this for a while now, kept debating whether or not I would ever post my writing, but… recently I’ve been in more of a “who gives a shit” attitude and realized hey, i can do what i want. who cares if my writing’s not perfect? it is not anyone’s privilege to be able to read my work or see my art, and if they decide they don’t like it, well. i don’t care.
I only started writing again in July, after a good many years of me having stopped writing anything that wasn’t an assignment for my classes. but i started reading some fanfics early this year and it really made me want to get back into it. so,,, here i am? lol?
i’ve been writing a multi-chapter fic for my life series au, and I plan to start posting it on ao3. you may have seen me talking about it a lot. i started writing it for myself as a complete self indulgent fic that I wasn’t sure i was going to finish, and it’s not finished yet—far from it—but i now actually have the confidence to say that this is something that I really, really want to finish.
i want to talk a little bit more about the fic here for anyone who may be interested in reading it, so,,, yeah.
i’ve talked about the au a lot in an ask and also a bit in some of my art of the au, BUT right here i’m going to focus on the fic.
It is smalletho focused, but other relationships like jizzie, ethubs, and the bad boys are also really important to the story. ranchers and desert duo and gempearl are also there. and like i said in an ask before explaining the au, the relationships are really meant to be quite ambiguous. the only really established relationship is jizzie, but in the fic it immediately becomes clear that that is somewhat in the past (they did not break up. i would never do that to them. they love each other very much jizzie divorce is not real). The reason for this is mostly just because I myself am aroace spec (and possibly on other spectrums like aplatonic and afamilial) and i. Really. Am. like. So fascinated by ambiguous relationships. i think they are so much more fun to read than established ones I’m sorry LMAO.
The chapters are aimed to be in the 4-6k word range, and I hope to have 7-10 chapters in total, maybe a little bit over that if i need to lol, it all depends on how quickly i get the story to progress. i may even end up splitting it into two different fics? I definitely have ideas for more aside from what I would consider to be the main plot, so,, it’s possible.
what i’m really focusing on when writing is actually less about the plot and more about the feeling. I’m really giving my whole self to this fic because it has ended up to be… a lot more personal, in some ways? i’m doing my best to really create something that can make you feel. Because it is my favorite thing when fics make me feel emotions. and a lot of that has just stemmed from my own experiences in life, even though a lot of the struggles the characters face are quite different to mine.
In the end this fic is basically me just mixing together all my favorite tropes (or whatever you’d call it) and my favorite ships and my favorite setting and my favorite things (tragedy and healing from said tragedy. and also nature and the world and shit i dont know LOL) and throwing up words.
here is a little sneak peek screenshot for anyone who wants to see it :J
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taken on my phone because i write on my phone. applaud the quality
TL;DR - i started writing again after a long time and am going to start posting a smalletho focused multi-chapter fic where i’ve really tried to capture emotion. on my new ao3 account because i finally made one after like a year of debating
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fantasykiri5 · 19 days ago
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Does anyone know where I can find target clothes from a few years ago? I have this specific pair of pants that need to be replaced soon but they are Literally my favorite pants ever and I would REALLY love to find the same ones. I’ve found one of the pair for certain, Here, but they’re a size or two too big, BUT it does mean I have the specific name of them now. I’ve found one other listing that might be the same ones but the picture quality is too bad for me to tell for sure, and the size isn’t listed. (here)
Basically I’m asking if anyone has any tips on how to search for them? Since google is giving me about 8 million other items from the same brand, which would be nice if I weren’t incredibly autistic and hated change. Hence wanting to get the exact same pants again.
If anybody has any clue how one would search please let me know!!
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pwurrz · 3 months ago
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mm
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arklay · 2 years ago
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WIP DAY.
tagged by @girlbosselrond @morvaris @aartyom @risingsh0t @phillipsgraves @leviiackrman @indorilnerevarine & @denerims over the past month! sorry it's taken me so long to get to anything at all, i'm sure you guys have heard me address it enough, but thank you all so much for continuing to tag me in things while i've been inactive ♡
tagging @aelyosos @brujah @calenhads @florbelles @jendoe @lightwardens @liurnia @nokstella @nuclearstorms @shadowsofrose @shellibisshe @steelport @swordcoasts @wrymbloods @voerman & all of those who tagged me again cause i'm so behind + anyone else who'd like to share anything they're working on, not just writing! ♡
i haven't written anything since the last wip game i did, but i started trying to put diana's timeline together at the start of january, so i mean... i'll show that instead. as you can see, fatigue hasn't let me do much with it even though i've got all of her timeline already done and strewn about all over the place.
started with 1995 onwards cause it was originally going to be an ewskers timeline situation, but then wanted to include all of her backstory so i went back to the start and still have the late 80s and early 90s to get through before then, but yeah :]
it's going to include like all little moments i've thought of between the ewskers just for me and placing them on the timeline, so you can imagine how long this is going to get if i have to go to 2021 for village... like just 1996-1998 is going to be so much... she's very special to me if you couldn't tell already lmaoo
never sharing this though, it's just for me, and like will help for when i do her timeline page (more in-depth version of what's on her oc page) to just run through canon events and brief descriptions and whatnot. you understand.
everything is blurred out besides 1995 ewskers momence and the years, just cause like idk her i feel weird sharing her in-depth backstory unless it's in dms or something, just cause there's lots going on there and yeah. things. idk
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i also made a carrd for twt if you wanna have a look at that :] there's some cheeky subtle things with the two resi items i used as pics hehe
actually, you know what, i'll give a lil bit from where i left of with that rewrite anyways, even though it's been months since i wrote it. but why not
Wesker left a fleeting kiss behind her ear then reached around her and hooked his fingers beneath her coat, prompting Diana to glance back at him. But all he did was gently pull it from her shoulders. She watched him from out of the corner of her eye as he hung it up on the rack by the door, his movements careful and almost calculated, until he turned back towards her, and the warmth of his body returned once more. He pressed up against her side this time, as opposed to her back, and one of his hands found a home on her waist. The way the arm it belonged to was resting firmly against her as he began leading her towards the kitchen was comforting, secure, yet unmistakably possessive. And she revelled in it. He had quite the knack for handling her just the way she wanted.
#tag games.#keep going to do picrews and just zoning out 😭 i'm so behind on literally everything but it's fine it's okay (lying)#i'm having a day and a half even though i woke up feeling okay but oh well. my last month has just been like watching videos during the day#or playing games when i have a bit more energy but like i can't do anything that requires me to actually read or write things like words#are just not computing in my brain at the moment but it's okay like i'm just exhausted and hoping soon i can get back to writing because i#still have over 30 wips going lmao but yeah it's been a time a half with lots of appointments and seeing specialists again and trying to#sort things out. i've been more active on twitter which i've mentioned before but it's just because like it's easier for me to sort of just#like and rt things and not having to do my organisation tags and things like i know that sounds so just small and simple but that's how#i've been lately like to my brain rn that seems like a really big task. so i just keep coming on here randomly for a few minutes then#disappearing so i'm sorry that i've definitely missed so much and i haven't been around to just show my appreciation and love to your#creations!! also just everything that happened in december and then a bit at the start of january too like i'm just a lil paranoid about#being on here honestly so i'm trying to get back to it and be okay with posting again and i'm going to make a promise to myself to actually#filter more tags i think? just to help me with like not exposing myself to things that do make me feel uncomfortable in any way!! i'm#rambling now but sorry sometimes i just need to lmaooo idk but yes so cute lil subtle things from my carrd i wanna talk about cause why not#i didn't have to change the blue herb from re0 besides making it brighter because it's already teal toned which is so sexy but i shifted#the hue on the spade key like SLIGHTLY like it was so little. but anyways. i use this emoji ✨ on my twitter name and yes cause sparkles but#also. three stars. the s.t.a.r.s. badge and logo :] then blue herb because i will have no poison in my safe space!!!! take a blue herb or#leave please!! only good vibes and safe space here!! spade key because i'm ace <3 i was going to include the diamond one in there as well#because am demiro and like those are the symbols in the community. ace of spades for ace. diamond for demis (both orientations)#but wasn't sure how to weave the pink through the rest of the carrd even though cyan and pink together is so pretty omg
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monster-noises · 11 months ago
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doodled a bit tonight for the first time in.. I think in two weeks? and it was Nice to draw felt good felt relaxing, but also kinda bitter because I felt soooo rusty, and it sucks to always be in a cycle of learning and re-learning shapes because I simply can't afford the space to draw everyday or at least every other day or something Not only does it stifle improvement it really fucks with your confidence.... cause when you have such little time to work with already you can't really always afford the time to shake of the Crust of Time and do a warm up so sitting down to draw is a Harrowing coin toss of; "will this be fine or am I about to have a fucking breakdown" and that really just sucks all the life out of the thing you hold closest to your heart which like... cool alright yeah chill absolutely Love that.
#monster noises#it makes the already tremendous task of Starting even more of a hurdle#because getting in the zone is Hard#focusing is Hard#but overcoming fear and trusting I can just slide in and do what I need to do it Paralyzing#I feel so fucking Slow#it takes so much to get the ball rolling and then it takes me so long to get anywhere#I feel like everyone else is faster than me#and I know that's stupid and kinda fake#but it's like.. in so many aspects of my life even compared to other people with the same problems I seem to..#not necessarily struggle Worse I guess#but yeah struggle worse#or rather am unable to hurdle myself over the struggle and instead spend all my time and energy trudging through it#so like maybe every other artist will spend like.. an hour redrawing a nose because you Hand just won't make the Shape#but to my perception everyone else can Think their way out of that problem in a way I can't#so They can finish something in a week that will take me a month#and I've been drawing for so long#just in terms of lifespan#that I feel Embarrassed about how long it takes me#inability to find time aside#because if I could guarantee I'd finish something in a Week; At Most?#I wouldn't mind as much that those weeks are kinda rare#cause then I would Have something#but I'm always just inchworming along#taking half a year to fucking finish something like a fool that shouldn't take me that long at all#I don't even know what would help#meds? maybe?#this is going to be incomprehensible#but I feel like there's just not enough Brain in my Brain to be able to mend this kind of issue#like I can think but I can't Really think
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un-pearable · 2 years ago
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anyone got exec dysfunction hacks this assignment is stupid long and my usual strats have run out
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ironmanstan · 2 years ago
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#sometimes i wonder if i should just go by maryam professionally#i feel like this would extremely lower my chances of getting outed on accident lmao.#all my branding is centered on my renegaedz username anyway like if i switched over itd alter pretty much nothing.#my dad simultaneously being so neglectful but such a fucking busybody and all my transphobic irls literal only reason id need to do this.#in theory i would not have to have literal separate art identities to keep up the facade but then i would have to play a balancing game#but then this means letting everyone i know irl into my little zone lmaooo i hate everyone .#i hate so many of my irls lol you all make me so fucking mad and make me hate being trans so fucking much sometimes.#why do i have to compromise on who i am just so i can fucking exist#'what if i compromise on how i present myself so i dont need to worry about being open about my art ventures'#all this so i can be open to people who i went through hell for over a decade to#connect to who rejected me already just because im autistic . everyday im violent.#people who would want me to fucking die and spit on my existence forever if they knew i didnt hate gay people#let alone that im fucking trans haha ? hahaha yeah so true i should suck up forever and vie for the attention of people#who hate me already and keep me around to be nice#i hate everyone so fucking much sometimes honestly. you all act like youre on some moral warfront fighting against westerners pushing queer#as if historically queerness was pushed out of muslim communities and south asia because of FUCKING COLONIZATION#i fkjhckjhk يا الله the people on this earth are in their stupidity arc#i hate u all i hate u all . acting like we must fight to protect our communities but then turn a blind eye to how u hurt ur communities.#there aint no fucking queer epidemic and even if it WAS haram you know what is worse? fucking LYING. go worry about THAT#vent#sorry i am so insane rn i have suddenly gotten so mad for no reason lmao
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sensitivegoblin · 2 months ago
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Vent
Tw: SH and su!c!de
#:(#another day of feeling useless#my life is going by and all i do is rot :(#i just want God to posess me with an Angel so i can be done failing my family#im so broken i need to talk to someone but my dad n sister cant help me :(#im just so fucking lonely and i treat therpy like a drug fix like im in hives waiting for thursday#my sister is too cold and my dad just...cant not say the wrong thing#i think im gonna have to SH to avoid a meltdown :(#i dont like doing it chs i get so fuckin itchy#but i have 0 outlet#....well#my therapist told me to use sex as an outlet#but i really dont wanna do that right now#s-x is about loving yourself and rn i hate myself so badly#sh just lets me open up cus im literally physical breaking at the seams cus of how much i keep to myself#its just not right to unload my stuff onto friends or helpless family#especially since my shit has no answers or hopr#i mostly just wanna be held#the only reason im not attempting to end it all is cus i already know what a burden a failed attempt causes#i xant watch anything or do anything without zoning out minutes later.....#all i can do is spiral and sleep#im just so fucking sad i hate this life i wanna start over i keep failing evrryone around me#i wanna be posessed by an agel so my soul can rest but my body can now actually take care of evrryonr#i dunno what to do :(#my dad says the hospital isnt a good idea but im so fucking sad n tired n wanna die#it feels like no one actually takes me seriously cus ive never sucessfully tried or been to the hospital#feels like my family thinks im lazy depressed imstead of very deeply depressed#everytime my dad says “youre looking for an answer thats not you.” or “i guess i gotta fix things without you” I WANNA FUCKIN DIE#i wanna rip my whole skin off n jjst die....thats how he sees me..#..
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anaalnathrakhs · 2 months ago
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whoopsie daisy silly me i forgot that spending the weekend means that the whole time i have is supposed to be at the whims of my parents :3 i'm so silly i thought i could maybe break from it and manage not to be stuck in waiting mode and doing things i really don't want to do just because i'm like, morally obligated to follow my parents like a newborn duckling. but no. i'm stupid and weak and no i can't do that.
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sortanonymous · 4 months ago
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You know what, time for something more light-hearted and petty for a thousandth post compared to the... ahem... events I've been discussing lately.
Russian Mind is by far OPN's best album (of the several I've heard anyway) and the fact that it's the only main album with the Oneohtrix Point Never name without a Wikipedia page is flat-out criminal!
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Even mid-ass Zones Without People recently got a Wikipedia page? Like, come on! We've gotta end this drought! "Physical Memory" and "Time Decanted" need more attention by any means necessary!
#1000 posts#1000th post#it's been a mostly fun 1000 posts and i thank all of you few who have been with me for it (whether or not it was for any of the mkm stuff)#oneohtrix point never#russian mind#russian mind opn#i apologize if anyone feels offended by the zones without people album slander#it's funny how starting off last year this was maybe my least favorite of the rifts trilogy only for it to just skyrocket over time#now it's flat-out one of my favorite albums of the entire 2000s if not of all time#“physical memory” is definitely one of my favorite late-00s tracks it honestly deserves to be longer than it already is!#honestly the stuff from opn's prime sounds both too new and too old to be from the late 2000s in the sense that it just sounds timeless#opn can still make some good music today but man what i wouldn't give to have at least one more album like russian mind or even returnal...#opn#like when the weakest track by far is still a pretty good closer that's a good sign for a truly legendary album (in my heart anyway)#i know pretty much every fan of early opn has already gushed about “physical memory” but it's real tempting to do it myself#and “time decanted” is majestic too!#2000s electronic music#also funny how opn's had the same record label for a decade-plus after a different label for each of the first SIX albums!#(and that's if you don't count eccojams or instrumental tourist or channel pressure or the dania shapes albums even though i do count them!
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cloudwisp · 4 months ago
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✮ sylus x wife!reader
contents: fluff, suggestive. arranged marriage au. hints of slow burn. you like playing hard to get and he loves calling you his wife. 1.4k wc.
꒰ note ᰔ I had to deposit my messy thoughts somewhere and this headcanon post was the result.
part two here. ꒱
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⭒ Arranged marriage with Sylus where he prefers to call it a “strategic partnership” as a means of appearances to flaunt that he has it all—an empire, riches, strength, influence and now a darling wife who waits for him at home. You’re not so much as a random choice, Sylus had been watching you from afar for a while and in exchange for his protection in the N109 zone he strikes a deal with you to play a simple role. You have every reason to be wary of him and know to keep your wits about yourself, but even you acknowledge that your chances are better with him. Though, if you asked him how he was so certain you’d agree to his proposal he’d admit that he wasn’t but he knew you’d consider it if he had an advantage over you.
⭒ He sets his terms and conditions—you reside in his humble abode, wedding ring always worn on your finger, and attend events with him as a pretty accessory on his arm to contribute to his image. But he’ll never admit that he actually enjoys your company at business functions that often feel dull to him. You are more than welcome to spend your days as you please so long you don’t cause him trouble, and that also means you have his black card privileges to spoil yourself rotten. Of course, he accommodates most requests you may have like sleeping in separate rooms if that’s what you wish (and redecorating because his furnishing decisions are quite bleak).
⭒ Luke and Kieran can sense that their boss feels something for you despite his nonchalance toward this little arrangement. It starts off small, it always does—Sylus takes note of your morning and night routine, your picky eating habits and has the chef make adjustments to your preference, how he sees you out in the gardens and come back with spring tulips to brighten the space and the next week he already replaced the slowly withering flowers with fresh ones. The twins whisper among themselves that he’s often less annoyed and irritated when you’re around, and their boss wouldn’t go through the trouble of being considerate unless he cares for you. It’s almost exciting for them both to witness a budding romance unfold before their very eyes and they do offer a helping hand here and there to keep things interesting.
⭒ Sylus thinks it’s adorable how you keep trying to resist him and that’s precisely the reason he loves seeking you out just to watch your resolve crumble under his touch. He finds you in the kitchen preparing a snack and cages you from behind with his hands planted on either side of you against the counter. “Hey kitten, I thought I’d find you in here.” You feel his hot breath down your neck as he pushes your hair aside just enough to lay a soft kiss on your shoulder. He chuckles when you comment that he’s being awfully touchy with you, and he purposely moves closer so that his chest is pressing against your back. “Perhaps I just can’t keep my hands to myself where you’re involved. Besides, you’re my wife now. I think I have the right to touch you whenever I like.”
⭒ You remind him that you’re his wife in title only, but that doesn’t discourage his flirtation and teasing as he allows you to nudge past him. He follows you into the common area and takes a seat on the couch, spreading his legs wide and taking up a lot of space. His gaze is settled on you as he pats his thigh and his lips curl into a smirk. “Come here, wife.” You naturally scoff meanwhile you place the plate of seasonal fruits on the side table and situate yourself closest to the armrest, taking a bite into a juicy red strawberry as you ignore his piercing stare.
⭒ For someone who always gets what he wants, Sylus isn’t used to being defied like this. And had it been anyone else his patience would wear dangerously thin, but he supposes that you’re a special exception because he seems to enjoy the chase and claiming its reward. With one small gesture, he drags you across the couch by a gravitational pull and you squeal when the swirling red easily turn and maneuver you so you’re forced to straddle him and your hands prop on his shoulders for support. “There, much better. Comfy? This is the best seat in the house.” His gaze locks with yours, and he thinks you huffing and frowning at him is simply cute. He firmly grabs your wrist with the bitten strawberry in your hand and lifts it to his mouth for a sweet taste.
⭒ “No fair… using your Evol against me like this.” You grumble under your breath as you gently trail your thumb from his chin to the corner of his mouth where the strawberry juices began to spill. Then an impulsive thought takes over and you pinch his cheek between your fingers, creating a sticky mess on his face. “I hope you’re enjoying yourself. That’s for treating me like a sack of potatoes.” He chuckles once more, his hand falling on your hip and he gives you a light squeeze. “Oh, I do have every intention of fully enjoying my wife tonight.” And by that, he means taking you out for a joyride on his motorbike and feeling your arms wrapped around him tightly as the engine roars through the streets under the night sky and sinking moon. Sylus would never engage in any intimate acts you weren’t ready for, but he loves seeing you fluster at his suggestive remarks.
⭒ As the weeks cross over into months, you never imagined that you’d be spending so much time with Sylus outside of your agreed terms. He’s everywhere in every waking moment of your life even when he’s not there physically. You’re learning new things about him each day and you (begrudgingly) like being around him—even when he can sometimes be a playful bully toward you. When he’s gone for long stretches of time to deal with negotiations and other important matters in the N109 zone, you can feel your heart yearning for him but you’d never say that you miss him out loud when you think he's still toying with you. But with the way he cares for you like you’re both in a real and genuine relationship, it’s hard to know his true intentions and keep your feelings buried deep inside your chest for long.
⭒ You accidentally confirm that Sylus does harbor romantic feelings for you when you carelessly bring up your replacement in a lighthearted joke. You’ve never seen his face falter so quickly at your words as he averts his gaze for a moment to collect himself—a hint of vulnerability in his crimson hues. “I wouldn’t have found a new wife.” He shakes his head and tells you, his voice a little rougher than before. You don’t know what to say, but you manage a soft “No?” that reaches his ears. “No. I wouldn’t have been able to replace you, kitten. You’re it for me. The only one. No one could fill the void you’d leave behind.”
⭒ You and Sylus have kissed before, but this is the first time you’re initiating it. As you brush your lips against his, there’s a softness you never noticed. His hand slips around the small of your back and he pulls you close against him, returning your kiss with the same tenderness as though savoring the taste of you. You lean back after a moment, your palm meeting his cheek in a sweet embrace. “You know, I'm still getting used to the idea that I’ve fallen for you.” You can see him returning back to normal when he offers you a cocky smirk. “And yet here you are. In my arms, with your lips on mine. I think you’re not being entirely honest, my beautiful wife.” Sylus has waited a long time to hear those words from you but you don’t need to know that right now.
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fingertipsmp3 · 1 year ago
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The slides for class today look deceptively simple. Should I be concerned
#i realised that probably the reason i'm not doing great with class right now is i'm not really doing anything to prepare#other people in the class already have knowledge either because they've done this before or they know more javascript than me#(which is not hard since i don't know javascript)#but because i go in knowing nothing i just sort of fumble my way through and end up sitting there 2+ hours after the start of class#completely bamboozled and with my brain fried and no finished tasks to show for it#i get the work done eventually but i have to google thee most basic questions or rewatch segments of class (it is recorded thank god)#to understand it. which like.. don't get me wrong; i feel like if i was capable of paying attention better i'd probably understand it all#the first time around. my instructors are great. but i am not capable of paying attention#as soon as i don't understand something i just get confused and zone out instead of processing the information that would help me understan#it is soooo bad i hate it. so i was like okay. why don't i go through the slides first#read a couple of articles on this stuff and talk myself through the tasks. not DO them yet because i get plenty of time to do them tonight#we get like 15-20 minutes per task. sometimes half an hour if it's a big one#but making sure i understand how to do them will ensure i don't spend those 15-30 minutes having a breakdown#but with this one i was like... it looks okay???#i think my biggest problem irt coding is i can never remember the fucking syntax. like i'm well aware of HOW to do stuff#i know how to link a stylesheet or a script file to a html file i can just never remember the exact syntax#i always have to google it or look at a previous project i made (on which i googled it)#<link ref='stylesheet' href='styles.css'></link> and <script src='script.js'></script> right?? please tell me that's right#so it's like. do i know what a loop is? yes. do i know what an array is? yes. do i know what an object is? i think so#do i know how to make any of these? NO because i don't know the syntax!!!#it's upsetting lol. i really wonder if these motherfuckers can code from their brains or if they're googling it as well sometimes#personal
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ccsainzleclerc5516 · 3 months ago
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Little Things He Does
Pairing: Lando Norris x reader
Warnings: tiny bit of smut
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He knew that you were one of those girls who appreciated the little things and for whom physical touch was one of the biggest indicators of love.
With that in mind, Lando tries to do as many of those little things every day just to make you happy. Some of those little things he isn’t even aware he is doing that you, of course, notice and which make you love him even more if that's even possible.
For example, when you’re making your way through a crowd and paparazzi is pushing their cameras in your faces. Lando is tightly holding your hand, constantly turning to check if you're okay, keeping you close to him and trying to shield you as much as possible because he knows it’s very much out of your comfort zone.
“You okay, baby?” He asked.
“Yeah, barely..”
“Just hold on tight to me, we’re almost there, okay?” He assured you squeezing your hand.
Or how while you're walking down the sidewalk, he moves you to the other side so that he's closer to the road.
“So anyway, I told her that it's not a problem, she just needs to let me know about such things earlier so that I can organize myself.” You rambled to him about work on your evening run on the streets of Monaco.
Except on your way back to the apartment you didn't run anymore because you were too tired and wanted to tell him what happened at work earlier today.
“Yeah, you did the right thing. You shouldn’t keep quiet about such things.”
“I mean I have a life outside of work too, you know?” You sighed.
“You know you don’t have to work, baby..” Lando said sliding his hand around you waist and almost imperceptibly moving you to the other side away from the road.
“Lan, don’t even start with that again. We already had that conversation.”
He kept his hand on your lower back for a while before putting his arm around your shoulder and pulling you to him.
“Or I can do something for you to go on a maternity leave..” He smirked making you burst out laughing.
Or the way he constantly holds your hand even when he’s talking to somebody and when you try to sneak out of his grip he almost instantly grips you tighter as if you’re going to run away. Or when fans ask him for an autograph, and instead of letting go of your hand, he just switches it from his right to left because he wants you close to him all the time.
Or when he has you underneath him while he’s thrusting into you. When he’s so close he lets you know he’s about to come whispering into your ear.
“Oh yes, yes, Lan, uhh” You close your eyes, your voice coming out in broken moans as he keeps knocking the air out of you.
“Fuck baby, I’m gonna cum” He stuttered whispering before spilling his hot load inside you. He was gasping for air, tingles ran through his body as he buried hos head in your neck riding out his orgasm.
He often tells you “You’re gonna make me cum” as well wanting to remind you that no one can except for you. And you love the way he becomes so vulnerable after he cums.
You could have the dirtiest sex ever the one where he’s spitting into your mouth, choking you, making you gag around him, spanking you and pounding into you like there’s no tomorrow, but once both of you finish he just wants to take care od you and make sure he didn’t take it too far.
“Did I hurt you?” He asks looking down at you and moving your hair out of your face.
“I’m fine, don’t worry” You smiled. “I loved it”
“I love you so much” He whispers spreading small soft kisses all over the side of your neck.
Or when you're in the paddock together and you're both giving interviews at the same time, you're standing a little further away from him but close enough for him to hear what the reporters are questioning you. He doesn't know that you notice how he can't concentrate on the questions they're asking him because he keeps turning his head towards your direction keeping his eyes on you to make sure they're not making you feel uncomfortable. So when the reporter asks him something he just keeps saying "sorry, can you repeat that?"
Or the way that when you're going to some kind of event or even just going out, and you're wearing a short dress or some other kind of risky outfit, he opens the car door for you and stands in front to shield you from the paparazzi until you fix your dress and are ready to step out of the car.
Or the way he always comes to apologize first when you have an argument. Neither of you can stand going to bed fighting, it's not natural for you. It doesn't matter if it's your fault or his, he's always the one who comes first and says "let's not do this".
You weren't even sure how the argument came about, but you found yourself yelling at each other for some stupid reason. You were tired and annoyed because he wasn't listening to what you were saying, he was still stressed from losing the race and you just went off on each other.
He let it take an hour for you both to calm down and give each other some space, but he didn't last much longer than that before he came into the room where you were lying on your shared bed reading a book in the dim light.
He sat next to you on the bed, and you ignored him, not taking your eyes off the book. He then gently took the book from your hands and moved even closer to you taking your cheeks between his palms.
"Let's not do this, okay? I feel bad for yelling and I'm sorry about that." He says caressing your cheek with his thumb. "I don't like when we're fighting and when we can't talk things out."
You remain silent for a few seconds to swallow the tears that have gathered in your eyes. "I don't like it either. I overreacted and I'm sorry too." Your voice cracked and the tears started to roll down your cheeks.
"Baby, hey, there's no reason to cry." He said pulling you to him and kissing the side of your head.
"Sorry, I just feel so bad right now because I know you still feel bad about the race and I feel like I didn't give you enough support and comfort but I just took it out on you for nothing."
"It's okay, baby, being with you now is the only comfort I need."
Or that one time when Lando met a little fan in the paddock who asked him about you.
"Is that your girlfriend?" The little boy asked pointing his finger towards you. You weren't with them but talking to some other fan further away from the two of them.
Lando looked in the direction the boy was pointing and nodded. "Yeah, that's y/n, my girlfriend." He said and the little boy giggled. "What?" Lando chuckled.
"She's pretty." The boy said and Lando couldn't hide his ear-to-ear grin.
He looked towards you again and said "I know, right? The prettiest."
Or the way he kisses you on the cheek. There's something about the way he does it. It just feels so special when he comes up from behind you, wraps his arms around you, pulls you to his chest and presses his lips to your cheek. Or when you're watching TV on the couch and you're lying between his legs leaning against him and every now and then he leans his head down to leave a soft kiss on your cheek.
Lando knows that you don't like too much PDA, especially in front of your friends. You're not a fan of kissing in front of them and Lando respects that, but still manages to steal a kiss on the cheek even in front of them.
Or the way when both of your are in the kitchen and you're trying to reach something from the top shelf and he does it for you before you even get to ask him to.
Or the way he keeps snapping pictures of you when you're not looking.
Or the way he keeps a funny picture of you as his wallpaper.
Or the way he looks at you as you happily jump and sing along when he surprises you by taking you to your favorite concert. He is so fulfilled when you are happy, and that is exactly all he needs, you being happy.
Or the way he talks about you in interviews.
"I live a pretty fast-paced life and I tend to put myself under a lot of pressure. Then there's the pressure of being constantly in the public eye as well. Always on the move, training a lot, it often gets to a point where it just becomes too much, you know? It tends to be very overwhelming and exhausting, but all of that disappears the second I come home to her. She makes all of my worries go away and reminds me of what's really important in life. She always puts me back on track. I couldn't do it without her."
All those little things that he does are anything but little to you.
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cheriladycl01 · 2 months ago
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Fan Zone Fanatic - Lando Norris x Anxiety! Reader
Plot: You love taking the F1 bracelets off of fans because you will play with them whenever you get anxious and they are a source of comfort for you now.
(I literally do this with my bracelets lmao)
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One thing you absolutely adored was fan interaction. As much as you got really anxious in large crowds with overstimulating sounds and smells, you loved helping give gifts to Lando and guide him to younger fans with caps pushed to the back and hold his own hand for comfort when he too got overwhelmed from the amount of people yelling his name.
Right now you were at the gates to the paddock and you were walking through hand in hand with Lando. When you saw a load of fans at the entrance.
“Lando! Lando”
“Come sign my helmet please”
“Lando I have something for you”
“Y/N”
Loads of voices came at one, you smile at Lando and nod your head over to the fans starting to drag him over to the fencing.
“Omg Y/N” one cries handing you a pretty generic McLaren hat, you take it to pass to Lando until she shakes her head.
“I want you to sign it! I’ve already got Landos” she smiles and you laugh, loving that people wanted your signature too.
“Are you sure? I don’t want to ruin it!” You smile kindly at her and she nods again. You sign it and then she pulls a clip of the friendship bracelets out.
“Please take one” she smiles and beofre you know it, you have loads of girls gifting you friendship bracelets off their bags.
Before you know it, you have all sorts of bracelets covering your arms.
There was mainly Lando and McLaren ones, but a few Chili or Enjoy the butterfly’s ones snuck their way onto your wrist that when you were showing Lando all of them once you got into the paddock he was laughing so hard.
“I think my fans love you more than they love me if I’m being honest, they’re always so sweet and respectful to you” he smiles as he shifts through the bracelets before he finds one with your name on it that he takes off your own wrists and places it on his own. “This one im keeping” he comments.
“I think I might head to the fanzone today, deck myself out in McLaren merch and just see what happens” you grin and he looks at you with a furrowed brow.
“Are you sure baby? I don’t think that’s a great idea, you’ve never experienced the fans without a barrier or anything …” he offers and you nod your head knowing what your getting yourself into.
“I know but I want to interact and I’m kind of obsessed with these bracelets now and I kind of want more of them!” You nod having made up your mind fully with a small smile matching it.
“Okay baby, but just keep one of the security with you. Just so they can help you out if needed. You don’t have to walk with them but just keep them close yeah? Take Dave, you like Dave right?” Lando says immediately concerned about you.
“I’ll take Dave just for you’re own piece of mind” you tease lightly nudging him before you take his team hat and grab one of his spare team tops.
“How do i look” you say with a twirl before ending with a hand in your hip.
“Beautiful” Lando mutters with heart eyes as he looks over at you.
Lando if he was being honest, never had it so good. You were literally perfect in his eyes. You treated him so well, and there wasn’t a singular moment he didn’t feel lucky to experience the weird and wonderful phenomena we call life.
“Stop it, you’re making me blush” you comment and he just laughs before kissing your cheek and sending you off.
“Don’t be gone too long okay! And check in with me! Please?” He asks.
“Ooooo wait can I buy some hats and get you to sign them please?!? I can hand them out in exchange for bracelets” you grin and before you know it you’ve got Lando signing as many hats as you could possibly fit in one bag.
He ended up signing 60 hats in the span of 20 minutes which is pretty impressive, considering he has to break to make out with you for 5 of those. Lando was an exceptionally clingy boyfriend.
Eventually you leave waving goodbye to him and smiling.
You walk out of the paddock entrance and around to the main gate. Where you’ve got the sunglasses and baseball cap on, it’s kind of hard to notice who you actually are so you were pretty confident that you could walk through pretty happily.
You noticed Dave, not too close and not too far. You walked into the fan zone seeing all the stools and shops with merch from different teams and the smell of the greasy hot dogs and chips.
You were just walking looking through one of the McLaren stands and about to pick up a Lando Norris t-shirt when a small tap was felt on your thigh. You turn round seeing a little girl, maybe 6 or 7.
“Hiya” you smile and the mum asks if you want to trade bracelets. You nod happily and show her your arms of the ones you had and she sees the LN4 one with his helmet design.
“Oh that’s a good one, Landos helmet” you grin and smile at her kindly taking it off your own wrist and putting it around hers.
“Woah you have so many” you laugh lightly seeing up to her elbows covered in them.
“Take two if you would like” the mum smiles and you nod.
“Why don’t you choose one for me, and then I’ll choose another one?” You ask the young girl and she nods excitedly looking over her arms before picking out a Max one.
“Max huh” you grin taking the MaxV33 off her and pulling it around your own wrist.
“I think I’ll take this one too, my goal today is to get one of every driver” you smile and she grins seeing you take the Zhou Guanyu one.
“I also have something I want to give you from Lando” you grin and she looks excited.
You pull out the signed hat and she squeals, looking over the signature.
“Thank you thank you thank you!” She grins and pulls you into a hug. You laugh back and go to offer the mum one, but she politely shakes her head.
“Keep them for the youngsters” she smiles and you nod. The little girl finally lets go and hands the old hat back to her mum before putting the new signed on.
“Awww look at that! You look so cool!” You exclaim and the girl giggles more.
You say goodbye and get back to shopping. You end up buying an overpriced Lando top despite you wearing official staff uniform as of right now and thank the very shocked worker who asks for you picture once you’ve payed. You offer her a hat but refuses as she got one earlier before her shift from the paddock entrance.
You head into the heart of the fanzone where the sims are and all the other interactive stuff they put on for the fans. You can hear music from the massive stage, which is slowly starting to fill up.
20 minutes until Ferrari on stage.
1 hour till McLaren on stage. You knew you were going to go there for the McLaren one.
“Y/N?” You hear from you far left and see 3 girls with two guys behind them.
You smile happily jog over to them.
“Hey!” You grin and one of the girls squeals.
“Do you want some of our bracelets we brought way to many!” The girls admit showing you their bags full of the beaded bracelets.
“How long did this take you guys! These are incredible” you smile looking at all the different colours and types and the fact some had crystals on them. And all the funny messages rather than drivers names.
“Oh it’s nothing, just something we like to do in our free time!” One of the girls nods.
“They’re lying it took them days to prepare these for the race” one of the guys admits and you nod knowing that was far more accurate.
“How many can I take?” You ask looking at them, it was strange because even though these girls looked in their teens and younger than you they were all a lot taller than you. Making you feel kind of strange looking upwards at almost all of them.
“As many as you want” you start to look through. You burst out laughing at one that says Muppet 1 and Muppet 2 in one of the girls bags.
“Can i take both and give one to Lando so we’re matching” and she nods enthusiastically at the thought of Lando himself having one of her bracelets.
“Omg yes! Please please! Do you erm speak to any of the other drivers?” She asks and you nod, you were close with loads of the drivers. Especially their girlfriend as you were a social floater, sometimes you went out shopping with Alexandra, Charles girlfriend. Or going for brunch with Carmen, golfing with Lily or out to dinner with Oscar and his Lily.
“I do, why do you want me to give something?” You ask politely and she nods handing you a T-shirt. You open it up to see a funny print of George Russell T-Posing.
“I’ll make sure when I get back to the paddock to give this to George” you smile and she thanks you profusely.
You got to the next girls bag and find a Yuki Tsunoda One, and a Lando one that was of his Miami win. It had a little palm tree dangly on it and you knew you just had to take it.
And in the last one you picked out a Charles Leclerc and Ferrari one.
“This may seem rude but I don’t want to trade to many bracelets off, I want to keep as many as possible but I have other gifts” you smile and pull 5 signed caps out the bag handing one to each of them.
“They’re signed by Lando” you smile and they all looked shocked and one almost starts to tear up.
“Can I hug you?” One of them asks before you nod and pull her into a hug. You get a group photo before they run off all having really happy faces.
This is why you were so happy to do this, just seeing that smile on random peoples faces knowing you’d made them feel like that was so rewarding.
You walk to the sim racers and see loads of people on them, trying to get in good laps. You were utterly hopeless on Landos at home so there was no way you were trying it here and making a fool out of yourself.
“Girlie! You want a bracelet!” A voice from behind you says and you turn to look.
A girl comes running up to you, showing the clip of beads in front of you.
The afternoon continued like that. You took bracelets and gave people hats in exchange for them. You were thankful nobody had posted the pictures you’d taken with them yet, so it still didn’t feel like you were having people actively come try and find you.
You make your way to the stage seeing it’s pretty empty now that Ferrari have gone and you stand right by the fence where Lando will be able to see you. There’s two guys in McLaren hats next to you, one in a Lando one and one in a Danny Ric one.
“Damn that’s some fossil merch” you joke and they turn to look at you seeing you’re get up. They laugh and nod explaining how they live McLaren but Danny is their driver.
“Who do you support?” One of them asks before his mate bursts out laughing.
“Dude that Lando’s girlfriend” the other one with the DR3 McLaren hat laughs. And you laugh with him before the guys fully takes a look over you and flushes Red.
“I’m so so sorry” he says.
“It’s fine, but of course my driver is Yuki Tsunoda” you tease and they both laugh. You have a nice conversation with them, you’d get Lando to sign their hats when he was on stage.
The guys were really nice, just asking you questions about the paddock on racing and how long you’d followed the sport and it was nice just talking.
However the more people started to fill up the more you got anxious. Unconsciously your hand started to fiddle with the bracelets, lightly snapping them against your skin or pushing the beads from one place to another. The feeling giving you a certain kind of comfort to stimulate you enough that it was a distraction from all the noise around you.
All of a sudden the music gets louder beofre Naomi Schiff comes out to introduce the drivers to the now packed in crowd.
“Hello, how are we all feeling out there? Little warm today isn’t it. We’ll all of you keep hydrated nearest water station is up to your right” she indicates.
“Now without further or do, let’s find your drivers. Here for McLaren, Oscar Piastri and LANDO NORRIS” she calls and both the papaya boys come jogging out onto the stage.
“Hello Lando, Hello Oscar, how are you guys today?” She asks and both of them nod.
“Yeah really good, it’s pretty warm but we’re excited to be here” Lando says and Oscar nods in agreement.
“Yes, I think I’ve drunk 3 big bottles of water and two cans of monster” Oscar jokes and everyone in the crowd laughs.
“Enjoy the summer break?” She asks and they both nod.
“Yeah I got to spend lots of time with my girlfriend in England, and we …” Oscar starts but is interrupted by Lando.
“Oooo girlfriend, your girlfriend” Lando teases making Oscar go bright red in embarrassment.
“Says you, you wouldn’t shut up about Y/N” Oscar pushes back making Lando just laugh. The boys beside you starts whopping and cheering your name trying to point you out and draw attention to the fact your here.
People start to catch on and help to point you out, making you duck your head down in embarrassment as you laugh.
“Oh look Lando we’ve got some fans calling your name over here, oh wait. Is that … Lando is that Y/N” she says holding her que cards above her head to stop the glare of the sun to her eyes so she can get s better look at you.
You smile and wave being very familiar with the woman.
“Oh you’re right, give it up for Landos girlfriend everyone” Naomi cheers and you blush.
“Hi baby” Lando smiles shyly waving at you making you wave back.
“Wait did you chance tops?” He laughs seeing you now in the Lando Norris official team t-shirt. You nod and he just laughs shaking his head.
Before you know it he’s jumped down and is coming over to you. He pulls you into a hug, before signing some stuff around you and going back up to where Oscar is.
“Well, what did you do over the summer. You and Y/N were very present online” she adds knowing you always loved to post online what you and Lando did as it served as memories to share with a wider community.
Also a lot of what you posted have the fans a fix of their delulu needs which you were always happy to do.
“We want to Boa Vista and then we saw Martin Garrix a good friend play in Ibiza, we saw some of the other drivers there too. Went to a Taylor Swift concert, went to Bali and now we’re back here and racing” he grins and you smile at the thought of the summer holidays with Lando.
“Awww well sounds like you had a lovely time and you’re nice and relaxed ready to get racing again. How does it feel knowing how close you are to a championship with Max?” She asks and he nods.
“Looking for a good result this weekend but with my lucky charm here I’m hoping for a win” he nods and after some more questions posed to Oscar and Lando people start to leave the minute they are off the stage.
You keep a hold on one of the bracelets going behind the stage to where Lando is waiting for you. Dave helps you get past the majority of the crowd who some ask for pictures with you and more bracelets are given to you.
You round the corner into the VIP second and a Lando immediately comes up to you wrapping you in a hug.
“That was nice seeing you it there, but I was terrified the whole time with how cramped in you all looked” he admits as he kisses your temple.
“Look how many bracelets I got! Oooo look I have one for you too, a matching one with me” you grin and hand him the muppet number 1 and show him your muppet number 2.
“These are brilliant. I’m happy you enjoyed yourself.” He smiles and walks you over to the car to take you to the paddock.
Going forward you actually wore those bracelets given to you all the time. You and Lando wore the muppet ones everyday but you would change up which ones you’d wear on your other wrist each day but you always made sure you had one especially when you knew it was going to be an anxiety filled day.
The fans would never know how much these bracelets meant to you but you were so thankful.
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