#and I am very much not one for going clubbing
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Theo drew in a breath as they spoke of what it had been like after Sloane's betrayal. He missed working with Samantha in the field but he was so relieved she had an office position that kept her safe instead. He thought about Violet and her potential disorders. He had noticed she stayed away from the big window in the past, but he also understood why. "They manifest and you work them out as you go. I didn't really understand my OCD for a long time and then the paranoia made it much harder to reach out for an explanation." His counterpart had done a number on her thought and he had to think for a moment on what to say. "I suspect that a fear of heights is only natural after what you have been through. But you see now how these things come about?"
He nodded about there being enough agents to merit a HR department, though even he didn't know exact numbers. However he should have expected her to fire off with relentless questions. Theo did feel overwhelmed for a moment and he wondered if he should shut the conversation down or risk destabilising how far he had come in the last few days. There was plenty there he wouldn't answer and he regretted opening up the option for her to ask. "They send another agent still, I have recruited a couple of people myself. I sit with them and talk about the work and ask them to join, giving them instructions on what to expect." Whether or not that was the right way he wasn't sure but he felt it was the best he could offer.
He purposefully skipped over how he was assigned missions and coded messages, she had a letter from Delta Green and that was enough. He didn't want her digging through his mail looking for triangles to see if or where he was going next. "I no longer have a team," he said plainly, "My team was Samantha and Sloane and he went and put an end to that. Since then I am either sent to other groups of agents on missions to discipline or lecture them or partnered up with agents when I am needed. They're strangers." Most of them anyway. Despite his trust issues he still had favourites. He dodged over the questions on monsters and she gave him the perfect excuse to do so with her final question. She should not have known about the Apocalypse Club and he raised a very fatherly eyebrow at her.
"It's a cultist ring, I am the lead agent in bringing it down one by one. Middle-Sized Tony is one of their leaders." He did not specify it was in the city, nor that it was a physical place, not wanting Violet to go looking. "They're very dangerous people. A lot more put together and in control than Sloane. They mainly work in crime and amass ridiculous funds through it." Of course he had his own instructions on handling them from the Horned One but he had to bring cultists in enough that he was still able to stay the lead, in a way he felt it balanced out. "I wouldn't normally leave my files out like that, I am sorry I did and you saw. It won't happen again." There was still elements of fear in his tone despite himself, as if he was preparing to be punished in the back of his mind and trying to mitigate against it.
However, he saw her embarrassment about the letter incident and shook his head. "I should have been more respectful in how I handled that too. I never meant to upset you but I panicked," Theo explained honestly and watched her carefully in case he upset her further. "I'm sorry I shredded your letter," this apology much more genuine than the last. "I should have explained this to you sooner. But it's easier now that you know why I didn't want you to read it. I was so scared."
𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐎 & 𝐕𝐈𝐎𝐋𝐄𝐓 @multipleoccupancy
"It must have been difficult," she mused a little bit sadly, "when Samantha stopped working as an agent. If she was the only one you trusted..." Her dad must have felt really alone, especially after Sloane's betrayal. "I understand that you're distrustful, after what Sloane did." But then again, it seemed that was a disorder, gained from his time as an agent. "How will I know if... if I have a disorder? I've seen so many things already. And... I still can't get anywhere close to the window." Violet didn't usually talk about that. She supposed it was obvious, and yet she pretended it wasn't an issue.
Violet was very curious about Samantha's job, now. Luckily for her, Samantha was around. Maybe she could ask her about it? "There are a lot of agents, then?" Enough for Delta Green to need an HR representative.
Her dad had just allowed her to ask him whatever she wanted to know, and yet Violet fell silent for a few seconds. The questions were jostling each other in her mind, leaving her speechless. She felt like it was a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, and didn't want to waste it on stupid questions! "How do they recruit agents now, then? And how do they tell you your missions? Do they send coded messages? Do you know the other agents on your team?" Surely her dad wouldn't be surprised to hear her firing questions at an impressive rate. Fastest draw in New York! "What's the scariest monster you've ever seen? How many monsters have you killed?" And finally, a question she asked with a blush on her cheeks: "What's the Apocalypse Club? I just- your file was opened on the table, and I saw the name."
After that, she had to take a moment to catch her breath.
"I understand now, why you were worried. Why you shred the letter. You were just protecting me. They shouldn't have sent that letter in the first place, not after what they did to you." Violet looked down, embarrassed by the huge tantrum she had thrown about that letter.
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Interview With the Vampire + Perfumes
i posted about wanting to make this and people were also curious, so here it is :) i absolutely have no qualifications to be making this. i just love perfumes and iwtv and wanted to combine em!! lmk ur thoughts <3 fyi this gets pretty long-winded and analysis heavy at times
louis de pointe du lac (new orleans/paris eras)
very slow world in my mind. i think he'd gravitate to the warm spice of it and the hints of whiskey. this also smells a bit like incense, which i think is fitting for him. louis' religious upbringing will always inform how i approach him. but this scent also reminds me of the clubs in new orleans, cigars and rich drinks, and that transfers over to him exploring new sides of himself in paris with photography and engaging with art and cafe scenes. i question the inclusion of the balsamic top note, it's actually much more tea-aligned! this is also quite masculine to me, which makes sense as, particularly in nola, he had to be a little overly masculine-- older brother, man of the house after the death of his father, business owner, and a black business owner in an extremely racist setting. i like this for him, i'd even go as far as to say maybe it's not quite masculine enough.
runner-ups: full incense by montale, nothing but sea and sky by une nuit nomade (this one is very bergamont heavy, which i also think he'd like) foreshadow by curatrix (this one is in my rotation rn and i am almost out because i use it SO much. musk, tobacco, incense, cypress)
louis de pointe du lac (dubai)
this one isn't similar to the above at all, but i think it sort of stays in line with what we know of louis in dubai. it's a very fresh scent, with residual fruity and cedar/fig accords snuck in there that are more noticeable with longer wear. this feels performative like most of dubai, put-together and appealing to the senses but deceptive at the end of the day. i think it's still something louis genuinely likes, but i see him, when he's happy, wearing something a bit more explicitly sweet-spicy, less wood-spicy. this is an amalgamation of the above scent and other sweeter, floral accords he'd drift to, but not quite leaning into it the way i suspect he'd be were he actually healed, had he actually confronted his past in full and emerged content with his circumstances.
runner-ups: of true minds by liis (this is inspired by shakespeare's sonnet 116, also smells like sooo complex. floral spicy with a bit of suede) angel dust by fugazzi (cashmere, pepper, bergamont)
lestat de lioncourt
i actually took so long to decide for lestat. after consulting @operahouses (thank you for enduring my lengthy perfume character analysis) i'm happy w this. it's very very floral, mostly rose, with jasmine and iris too. there's also the underlying patchouli and according to what i read, a sort of rosewater wine-y feel about it. walks the line of intense and mysterious with an elegant softness that feels very true to lestat coming off of paris and finding his footing (and the love of his life) in new orleans.
runner-ups: l'olympia music hall by histoires de parfums (floral, also the name is very lestat in the vampire lestat to me) baccarat rouge 540 by maison francis kurkdjian
rockstar lestat
this is zoologist, which literally makes perfumes off of animal scents. i think that is so fucking cool. anyway-- this is a very bold scent that takes the sweetness of the initial perfume i shared and expands upon it with some really interesting notes. there's passionfruit, leather, teakwood, and incense. (INCENSE, which i think he'd intentionally wear for the nostalgia it could potentially evoke in louis!!) but, overall, a very impressive and borderline questionable miasma of smells. because of this, it's startlingly unique. verrrry memorable, which is kind of the desired experience of a rockstar trying to get his ex-husband back.
runner-ups: triumph of bacchus by argos (this one has such an insanely diverse array of accords i feel only he could pull off) do not disturb by vilhelm parfumerie (this leans into femininity a bunch, which i am down for with lestat. also has some questionable accords but again i think this era welcomes that)
armand
so i'm not even going to pretend i'm not projecting with my first choice for him because i am-- press gurwitz 0.3 is soooo criminally underrated. it's got the knockout combo of the cinnamon and vanilla but when the smoky spice of it hits... it HITS! it also isn't overly sweet at all. the vanilla subdues the sweet notes and leaves sort of a smoky yet clean spiciness over time. i think also the idea of him wearing a gourmand scent has a lot of interesting character connotations in it-- wanting to be desired, wanting to be almost edible, to attract that sort of temptation. if not a gourmand, i can see him preferring fresh, clean, sharp scents-- hence the choices for him as rashid.
runner-ups: milk by commodity (amber, firewood, tonka bean; ultimately the marshmallow accord felt a bittttt out of line for him but this scent is GOOD. a pinch sharp but in a way that's striking rather than obtrusive) female christ by 19-69 (eucalyptus, woody, with cashmere and cinnamon at the base notes, emerging the longer the scent is worn)
armand as rashid
this one has a lot going on but i NEED you to stay with me and hear me out. first of all-- there's notes of pineapple here, which i feel are soooo good given the 'honey and pineapple' exchange. there's also a lot of sweetness here and while the 'honey' part isn't explicit, i feel like it's still reminiscent of it. also, who's to say rashidmand doesn't wear honey body oil with this? wouldn't put that past him. otherwise, this is also pretty floral, fresh, and long-lasting. my one flaw is it is intense, especially for his playing as rashid. my defense here is this: he's already gone with the slutty shirts and the speaking out of turn, so a memorable scent doesn't seem suddenly too far, at least not to me. also, the bottom notes like the vanilla stabilize the intensity. for the first hour or two after application, i'm sure this lingers in a room (which is what he'd want) but as it fades, you'd have to be in closer proximity to notice it.
runner-ups: honey & crocus by jo malone london (this is the honeyed scent that could replace the pineapple one, with traces of saffron and lavender included too which go nicely) fleur de délice by reminiscence (VERY herbal and fresh)
daniel molloy (1973)
ok i am pretty sure i'm not the first to say this but he's SO jazz club. to me. this on top of probably perpetually smelling like cigarettes. and i've heard it's more masculine-leaning, with the rum, spice, and tobacco staying on the longest. i think in devil's minion canon armand would also be all over this like a bloodhound. not much else to say aside from boozy and kinda sexy. the kind of thing you'd wear to go out and score drugs or a fatal vampire encounter.
runner-ups: none! i stand by this one. possibly book by commodity, which uses cedar and sandalwood to come shockingly close to putting your nose in a book. also accomplishes a sort of smokiness.
daniel molloy
this is kind of like if jazz club matured a bit. from what i read (i haven't smelled this one) it's very leathery and dry with a slight sweetness at the end. it has some pine and dates in the list of accords, which works for me too. it is also a bit sensual and i think daniel would wear this in dubai to see louis for the first time since '73. not too intense, which i think he'd prefer. @operahouses suggested a new car smell and i STRONGLY agree.
runner-ups: ombré leather (2018) by tom ford (this went too herbal for me to attribute to him, but i still think leather is good for him)
claudia in new orleans
getting into headcanon territory. this scent is sweet, light, and rosy. i'm imagining this is a gift from lestat before things soured. also something to wear before she branched out and developed her own preferences. i personally think this one is a bit strong and just a tad like a bath, but then again it's very clean and satisfying when the initial scent sits for a little. the sugarcane there brings it together too. this would also contribute to the infantilization both louis and lestat force upon her, the shared--whether explicit or implicit- idea that she's theirs, only the 'girl' part of daughter and too young and naive to be the 'woman.' i feel like she'd grow to hate this smell eventually the same way she grew to resent what lestat and new orleans meant for her.
runner-ups: rose of no man's land by byredo (i didn't think the spices fit, but could be that's a stepping stone for her)
claudia (paris)
i haven't tried this scent but i do love curatrix. so i think in a similar way to daniel's progression this is an older, sultry, woody-sweet rendition of what a younger claudia would enjoy. knowing curatrix, it's probably a bit intense, but for a woman duelling with the reality she will not ever be properly seen as a woman, i think it's very fitting! the cloves and tobacco lend age to it while the honey and vanilla sweeten it up a bit, dries down into a suggestion of ginger. i think the name would attract her as well. claudia owns being a vampire-- she loves it, wants so badly to be loved by the coven for loving vampirism, so the idea of fatale is definitely something she would gravitate to in my mind.
runner-ups: hypnotic poison by dior (similar wood themes with a bit of floral and fruitiness mixed in, but mostly, the bottle is cute) carmilla by immortal perfumes (the name, naturally-- also has a blood accord!! was my first choice until i remembered fatale exists)
madeline
gets a classic. i wore this for years before i started to present less feminine. it's clean, floral, sweet, a bit powdery, and stays on forever. not too overwhelming but def alluring. one of thee ultimate femme lesbian choices to me!
runner-ups: immortelle by chloé (still white floral with some tonka snuck in. i like the name for her a lot!)
santiago
i really have nothing to say other than this scent doesn't get very good reviews and it kind of pisses me off and that's perfect for him. def wears way too much of this and it pisses off everyone in the coven. the HEIGHT of gay man who is about to infuriate you.
okay i had a lot of fun doing this. so if anybody else matched my freak ab this i would LOVE to do more.
#iwtv#interview with the vampire#louis du pointe du lac#lestat de lioncourt#claudia de pointe du lac#claudia de lioncourt#armand#the vampire armand#daniel molloy#loumand#devils minion#amc iwtv#armandaniel#loustat#lesmand#armandstat#claudeline#madeline eparvier#santiago#theatre des vampires#devil's minion
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Good Morning Rainbowsky, hope you are well. I am just wondering with these latest songs..."the drifting "Life of Us" is no longer protracted"... in essence, do you think this is hinting at possible significant changes coming soon? Like millions of their fans, I love the MVs, they are so well produced, it would be grand if ggdd move forward in that direction to produce more MVs, movies and so on. Hopefully they will start recording their songs in English as well, they would be so well received with the international audience.
This is in reference to a previous post.
Hi dottie911, I'm well, thanks! Hope you are too. 😊
That's just an imperfect translation of something that makes more sense using the Chinese song names. The phrase using the Chinese song names reads:
孤舟上的「夜行人」,望着《灯塔》的方向,《漂流》变得不再漫长
The "Night Walker" on the lonely boat looks in the direction of "The Lighthouse", and the "Drifting" no longer seems so long.
vs. the one from my post, which read:
The "Night Person" on a lonely boat, looking towards the "Beacon", the drifting "Life of Us" is no longer protracted.
It looks to me like an attempt to tie all the song titles together into a little story that flows along with the themes of the songs. It's just that you can't say, " the 'Life of Us' no longer seems to be long" because that sounds weird in English. "Drifting" makes more sense in that sentence, but it doesn't simply translate using the English song titles.
The translation I used in that post comes from the official fan club, and they've chosen to write it as 'protracted' to imply 'neverending/tedious' rather than simply 'long'. Everyone would want a long life, few would want one that feels protracted - drawn out, tedious. As you can see they threw drifting in there too, to try to bring it together more, but it just doesn't work fully in English.
Perhaps a Chinese speaking reader can chime in here and do a better job of explaining this than I have.
I wouldn't read anything too dramatic into this. Let's not get carried away and over-interpret everything GG and DD post.
As I've said before, it's unrealistic for fans to expect anything earth-shattering from them. They're both into a groove of focusing on living their best lives and working on the kinds of projects that make them happy. It's highly unlikely they're going to be making any big public announcements or changes, or do anything that will destroy the equilibrium of their lives or disrupt things for the stakeholders connected to their careers.
Re: singing in English - both GG and DD do sing English songs fairly regularly. However, their audience is primarily Chinese-speaking and Chinese is their native language, so it makes sense that most of their work is in Chinese. It's also better for GG to be seen as a Chinese artist appealing to Chinese audiences - particularly with his debut album - rather than as someone who's singing for/appealing to foreigners. If he appeared to be appealing too strongly to foreigners he'd face backlash.
There are still more songs coming, one of them might be in English but I'd be surprised. This album is very personal, and GG is Chinese. His thoughts, ideas, concepts will all be in Chinese.
As an international fan I love it when I can understand what GG or DD is singing, but I enjoy the Chinese songs just as much.
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In Act 2 of Lempicka when Tamara and Rafaela enter Le Monocle for the first time they look around at all the women together and Rafaela says “a room full of nothing but US” and Tamara says “let’s never leave” and guys I just went to a lesbian bar for the first time (okay it’s actually a deli but they turn it into a lesbian bar at night) and GUYS? That is the safest I have ever felt out drinking and dancing and I felt so natural and I was surrounded by other queer women and that’s. That’s the first actual queer space I’ve been to in YEARS and especially post-pandemic. And I’m feeling such an overwhelming mix of emotions right now because I didn’t realize how isolated I felt from the queer community in my day to day life (ie not online). I just. God.
Dedicated queer spaces are so important. Lesbian bars are so important. This is the only one I’ve been to but I’m VERY aware that these days there are fewer and fewer of them but I just. I didn’t know how badly this kind of place and experience and connection to community was missing from my life until I suddenly had it tonight.
#also within ten minutes of walking in a woman came over to ask me about my Lempicka tattoo#rip lempicka gone too soon#honestly I don’t think I would’ve agreed to go out tonight if it weren’t for the amount of reflection and reckoning I’ve been doing#since seeing lempicka for the second time#I wouldn’t have been so gutted about its closing if it hadn’t made me feel so SEEN and UNDERSTOOD#and the scene at le monocle is like a microcosm of that within the show#with all of the women approaching Tamara about how her art#her paintings of women#make them feel seen#like that is that show and that was this night for me#thinking about how repressed and isolated I really am in my personal life#and how quickly a show like Lempicka gets taken away from us#it really made me think like ‘shit.’#if I don’t find a way to connect and engage with the queer community it is entirely possible that something awful will happen#and I’ll never have the chance to#like I need to just fucking live and find it instead of staying at home and wondering#I am very much an introvert#and I am very much not one for going clubbing#not that this was a club per se#but it’s the kind of thing where every once in awhile I know I need to push myself#I need to make myself go out#because when I do I have moments like this#lempicka#lempicka musical#lempicka broadway#tamara de lempicka
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Yeah. I have a big bone to pick with women who go out of their way to gatekeep someone out of our club. Most of them are cis and straight, but trans fems who do this unfortunately exist. That instance looks like some disgusting hypocrisy to me, because most baby trans fems really emotionally lean on the willingness of this community to emphasize that you are your gender and you are valid no matter how many steps you've already taken and been successful with. That is a crucial, supportive message, and suppressing it in any way is tantamount to pulling up the ladder behind you. Which, yeah, every community has its assholes who pull up ladders.
It is also a tough line to walk sometimes for women, because most of us have learned that there are certain ways we can't entirely just open up to most masculine folks and let them into our entire lives and every space. Not without a lot of pain. So we are incentivized to wait until someone makes it clear that they're safe, before they're let into our inner lives more. This function has caused me SO much strife, because before I was accepted as a woman, it kept me outside in the cold, alone, really close to an early grave, but now that I am fully living as a woman, and even before I was doing that, my efforts to ignore this function entirely and just let any masculine person into my heart, my inner world, and my safest spaces, have not always gone well, and sometimes those efforts have backfired, made me unsafe, and deeply traumatized me.
These days, the only conclusion I've been able to find is that women need to work on what we recognize as red and green flags, for who is safe. It's pretty easy to see that the average set of red and green flags you see most non-queer white women adhere to are... crap. Truly crap. Delusional, not based in reality, etc. And that sucks because it isolates them more and it gives them more excuse to be really shitty to people, or to gossip about them in ways that really aren't fair to them.
Earlier in my transition, I still had it internalized that I had had so much trouble because I wasn't good enough, because I didn't do enough, and that's why women didn't let me in. But I was literally running around freely saying out loud that I was genderfluid, that I had no concept of manhood and little concept of gender, that I thought it would be cool if I was born as a woman, that I wanted other pronouns to be used on me, that I could be pretty gay/queer, acting pretty gay/queer, openly rejecting most masculine behaviors and modes of thought, constantly openly celebrating femininity, experimenting with gender presentation... I was a very queer little dude. And I've only been able to recognize that in retrospect. Because nobody let me in. Trans fems may have let me in, but they weren't around much in the late 00s and early 10s. I never met one. But I did meet and usually deeply connect with countless fellow eggs, before any of us knew. In situations like mine, trans fems generally didn't even get to find themselves until a bisexual cis woman took it upon herself to date them as a perceived man, and then recognize their queerness and allow them to explore gender with her acceptance and assistance. Because being allowed into womanhood was so rare and taboo that it had to happen behind closed doors as part of a romantic relationship. I was aro/ace, and I unconsciously looked to get the same experience out of a platonic friendship, but all I got was led on. Told I was a close friend but still treated like a stray animal compared to their feminine friends. Not let in.
Meanwhile, cis women, and fem-raised queer folks who at the time universally saw themselves as, yknow proudly not quite men at least, universally treated me like a burly cis man deserving of none of their support or curiosity and all of their suspicion and gossip about how "he's creepy." Consistently. Until I finally came out as a woman in 2022. And that's so 100% on them. They went out of their way to not see me for who I was and just keep me out in the cold. So yeah. The state of gatekeeping of womanhood is *bad*. And in my experience, most of it comes from people who had/have easy access to unquestioned claims of womanhood, whether that's because they're AFAB or because their transition into womanhood was really fast and made them really conventionally attractive.
But what about trans fems? Well, we aren't perfect with our red and green flags, either. It's hard to be. Personally, I've noticed there is a small contingent (VERY small) of trans fems my age who operate more like the old world transsexuals in that they really are truscum gatekeepers, often also ableist, and borderline psychopathic in the level of emotional labor they expect from you as a friend vs. what they're willing to put up with in return. And that is very unfortunate. My early transition saw a lot of them genuinely help me as incredible new friends, but then hurt me badly and burn bridges for no good reason. And I feel that there is a bit of a schism in the trans fem community between elders who usually just want to stealth out--who look down on baby transes and cringe and don't help us, or even if they do talk to us and help, there is still a very clear line denominating their actual friends and community that we never get to cross into--and the rest of us who openly embrace being queer and not assimilating all the way. But, frankly? Most trans fems I've met are the most welcoming and least gatekeeping folks on the planet. Most are that latter, queerer camp. And we operate exactly the way that we should: we let anyone safe into our inner world, even if that safe person happens to be a man. And some of us STILL see that backfire. And so even we can't be completely carefree. But we can always learn and grow and get better and better at what we actually identify as red and green flags.
wait where are all the trans guys
Historical-anthropological research, especially the work taking place before the 21st century or outside the West, tends to focus entirely on transfeminized groups. So when reading these works it’s pretty natural to ask — wait, where are all the trans guys? This is a reasonable question with a few clear answers; this post is something quick I can point people to.
The central condition of transfeminized groups' absorption into feminist activism has been to accept a kind of symmetry with select TME groups through the understanding of trans femininity as "gender variance." Under this framework, transfeminized groups' social position can be understood as a consequence of gender variance and some abstract violation of cis norms; this was proposed by people like Susan Stryker and Emi Koyama [1], among others, and continues to structure trans inclusion today. It also fails when considering several basic aspects of these groups:
Transfeminized groups are associated with hyperspecific labor practices, most frequently sex work, but also hair styling, drag, makeup artistry, acting, and other forms of 'gender work.'
Metropolitan transfeminized groups appear in the archive as highly clustered and active groups connected with, but usually intensely split from, the masculine men they fucked.
Transfeminized groups become a kind of 'third gender' on an epistemic level; they are Known to wider society before and after “coming out” in a way that USAmerican transmasculinity has only recently vaguely approached.
Transfeminized groups are heavily clustered in labor practice, social organization, and epistemic position, although this is not universal -- certain strains of USAmerican transfemininity have become a bit more labor-agnostic in the last two decades, not-so-coincidentally alongside more general currents of gender-labor liberation. The messy strains of trans male identity recovered from the archive and from current practice tend to lack labor, social, and epistemic coherence. As Aaron Devor notes in FTM, his 1997 history of FTM men, trans men in the 20th century tended to transition out of cities and into the countryside, finding low-profile places they could exist in. These practices, and the earlier "female husband" practices described by Jen Manion, relied on the labor-agnostic nature of transitioned manhood in order to disappear from public life. Transfeminized groups, on the other hand, are categorically restricted from the main form of economic life historically available to women -- marriage. Their labor practices are heavily constrained and have almost always revolved around some form of 'gender work:' as Susan Stryker put it, you need to get people to pay you for being a trans woman. Transmasculinity pushes away feminized restrictions on labor; trans femininity is labor.
Because transfeminized identities are so often labor-identities, and because their specific brand of 'gender work' and hormonal/silicone/surgical embodiment usually requires both specialized training and community support, nearly every metropolitan center in the world developed highly centralized transfeminized groups over the course of the 20th century [2]. As Ochoa notes, this visibility is partially due to epistemic visibility (everyone knows what a trans is), partially due to group structure (people work and train each other), and partially due to the selectively visible demands of finding clients. Fledglings come in with a way of being that is always already visible to society, but changing the body to match and learning how to fully enact and slowly contest the third-gender labor-identity they've been given takes a lot of community support.
So as labor-identities, transfeminized groups tend to a level of labor/community/epistemic coherence that has no clear counterpart. The news archives we have of trans men (as seen in Manion) position them as singular and easily absorbed back into the female gestalt; the cisgender feminist/gayguy/AIDS researchers that form the bulk of historical-anthropological work saw them as unnecessary to their grand theories of gender; the communities themselves have been materially fractured and, for the groups that rise out of lesbian-feminist activism, only partially committed to their own existence. The result of all this is that there is no clear equivalent to the "transfeminized groups" of Jules-Gill Peterson; there is no symmetry to trannydom, and while additional work to unearth trans manhood in the archive remains extremely valuable, sometimes the necessary level of label-coherence and social existence just isn't there.
[1] Stryker, "My Words to Victor Frankenstein Above the Village of Chamounix: Performing Transgender Rage," Emi Koyama, "The Transfeminist Manifesto" [2] As seen in Namaste, Invisible Lives, Prieur, "Mema's House, Mexico City," Kulick, "Travesti," Newton, "Mother Camp," Ochoa, "Queen for a Day," Hegarty, "The Made-Up State," and plenty more. Most of these works came out in the late 80s and 90s due to a combination of the feminist "third gender" craze, the burgeoning field of masculinity studies, and AIDS.
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Everyone clap for me setting BOUNDARIES on my babysitting (said they have to be back by 10 so I can go sleep before driving tomorrow)
#i do love babysitting truly#it's good work that needs doing and the people i do it for are never frivolous#and all of them are good and dedicated parents and their kids are only normal amounts of difficult#that said. i have done um 4 babysittings for total about 15 awake kid hours in just over a week#my voice is shot and so is my patience#bones boy and then all the others are 3 and under#while i'm yapping in the tags i will say for posterity#that i didn't quite get everything done i wanted to today/this week#BUT i finished my chapter draft and all but one of the house/cleaning chores i wanted to#yesterday i spent all day at my small group leaders' first watching the kids and then hanging for dinner#and then book club that evening (they were like why don't you just stay? so i did)#today i returned my library books and got a turmeric latte on the way to babysitting#feel kinda crappy physically cause i haven't worked out consistently and had sugar too much this week#and the early dark is messing with my appetite so i'm trying to figure that out and be responsive#but! i am very excited to be going home tomorrow (first time since may!!) and see everybody and rest with them#it's not rest from everything hard but it is rest from being responsible for my own time and that sounds so lovely right now#i had the best time with the twins yesterday. they were yelling LEAVES and picking up pine needles#so i said it's Pine Needles#and they started going Pine Noodles! Pine Noodles!#they never watch screens and it shows. they're so good at thinking of stuff to do
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Wish I liked that system I met at the gay club but unfortunately I only like the host cuz all her alters are annoying and rude 😔😔
#the host is suchhhh a sweetie but the alters tell me to shut up and try to use me for sex and such#also the last time we went to the club the one alter was THROWINGGGGG his thirsty ass at our one friend who wants me so bad#but she doesn't want that alter or anyone in the system. and i don't want her (our friend) cuz i want the system host#so it's basically a marla singer/the narrator/tyler durden situation‚ yeah#and i do not want to be involved in any poly drama so Friend and System can enjoy their bullshit idc. fuuuuck that shit#however i am going to get piercings with Friend this weekend and i am very **slightly** into her so 🤷♀️ how uninvolved am i really#not that it matters that much bc System is in a different state for school rn and uhhhhhhh#thank FUCKING god for that. the situation was getting dire#no more drama 🥰#personal
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this really does not feel like the kind of statement to throw out there without any sense of context or place. there's definitely sth to be said about how women are taught to live in a constant state of preyhood by overwhelming societal messaging - and yeah it's also people's responsibility to see past that but "self victimization" feels kind of umm. a shitty way to describe it. are you gonna tell minorities who have internalized shitty cliches about themselves they're self victimizing ?
also yeah there are A LOT of places on earth where these kinds of fears are at least a little warranted. personally i grew up in a place where i was sexually harassed very regularly by grown men in the street starting age 10. and not just the whistling and creepy petnames, im talking graphic descriptions. a random guy once told me he was going to put out his cigarette in my eye bc i didn't smile back. when i started going on there was a notorious rapist operating in the same area as the popular clubs. one of my friends got her life completely ruined by a stalker and nobody did anything when he would just hang out in front of her door with a baseball bat for hours every other day. etc etc i could go on for a long time. and yeah sure i didn't actually get physically harmed but that kind of psychological violence takes a toll. and i tried not to let it make me too afraid i still pushed myself to go out and walk in the woods at night and go out alone. but that didn't mean i then turned around and called my friends weak and crazy for being scared. i am older now less vulnerable and i moved to another country and it barely happens anymore and i feel so much freer and safer and that still does not mean im gonna go call women who do experience this shit crazy online
again. absolutely we have to look at the way female victimhood is constructed in a way that plays into racism, classism, transphobia, etc. this kind of post however, which i have been seeing more and more of, does not sound like that. it sounds like misogyny using woke terms, and victim blaming, and "haha if it hasn't happened to me it can't be true and everyone else must be making it up" and "why don't [marginalized group] simply stop whining about their oppression and suck it up and pretend its not happening and everything will be fine. if you're impacted by it it's actually your own fault" and just very very privileged.
i'm sorry the self-victimization of some women i see online is crazyyyyy, they're saying shit like "yeah being a woman is so crazy, if you go on a date you have to text his full name and picture to your friend, and also where you're meeting, and share your location throughout the date, and check in hourly" girl the only safety measure you need is meeting in a populated place. that man is NOT going to kidnap you from Popular Cafe on Well-Frequented Street in broad daylight at 2pm. i promise. do you go forest hiking as a first date or what the fuck.
#like seriously. how has this sort of denial of the realities of systemic oppression become SO commonplace and acceptable in leftwing online#circles
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Everytime I face a new character limit on a website that didn't have them before/used to have really long ones... AUGHHhhh the modern social media world was not made for people like me (lovers of details, rambling, elaboration, thorough explanation, and nuance)
#twitter and other short form shit and everything being a Phone App On Small Screen instead of a Proper#Computer Website i feel like has just ruined the format of literally everything for me. Thoughts just keep getting more and more condensed#with detail and nuance taken away. everything over simplified into only the basics. blah blah blah. I've already probably rambled about thi#all before but it's just SO frustrating. I literally just CAN NOT talk that way!!! even if I try!!! I took multiple advanced placement#english & language arts classes in school and I literally never made below an A on any assignment EVER except for ESSAYS#where I would legit get almost failing grades just because I cannt express myself concisely. I took an english placement test thats made to#like evaluate your competency in a subject and out of the 102 multiple choice questions I only missed TWO of them. almost a perfect#score. But for the 5 open response questions (about articulating thoughts succinctly) I did not get a single one of them lol#I only got partial credit on 3. It's like I OBVIOUSLY understand the material and I know how Words Work and how to analyze and interpret#meaning and etc. etc. But it's just when I have to express myself CLEANLY I can't. It's always ''well you have very good points and you#get around to the idea eventually and I think it's very insightful - but it just needs to be shorter/the side tangent needs to be removed/#etc.'' I've always wondered if it has something to do with being on the schizophrenia spectrum and how that can cause disorganized#speech sometimes hmm..ANYWAY.. But I just naturally express myself in a very particular way which is lengthy and I can't rea#ly seem to control it. So it's basically like just.. being gradually pushed out of every place that won't accomodate people with different#ways of like perceiving and expressing or etc. Everything cannot ALWAYS be 100% 'Short and Snappy and To The Point' or a quippy one#liner or the Bare Minimum of information being provided or etc. Some peoples brains just do not work like that!!!!! Sorry I operate#in detail and elaboration lol. ANYWAY.. I still sometimes use random ''dating sites'' like OKCupid to look for platonic friends since#I never leave the house so it's hard for me to just meet friends naturally. And I just realized today that they added a RIDICULOUSLY small#character limit to their messaging system (2000 words?? augh). And also took away answer explanations (when you answer a compatibility#question you used to have a space to give detail and explain why you answered the way you did) and removed a few other features and it's ju#t like.. how the fuck is any of this actually helpful in terms of judging compatibility? take away ALL nuance and anyting that actually#is meant to tell you anything about a person? Bumble's character limits for your profile description are even more fucking insane and so#is every other disgustingly minimalistic place I've seen like.. OKC used to be superior BECAUSE it allowed for a TON of detail. like back i#2016 or something there was SO much data you could look at. long form question answers. personality trait summaries. etc. Now you have#SOO little to judge off of when evaluating compatibiility it's like. You'd have better luck just throwing a dart in a crowded street and#talking to whoever it hits. Why are people so fucking allergic to reading anything longer than 3 words and providing DETAILS!! It just seem#harder and harder to find any place to meet platonic friends where you have any amount of actual data to go off of and it isnt basically#just random 'speed dating' set up shit. AARGH. &I know 'oh just join a club& meet ppl irl' 1. erm..covid. 2.I mostly want to meet ppl#in places I'd like to move so I already know ppl when I get there. You kind of HAVE to do that online. bc I am not there yet.. WISHING for#Complexity.Com where ppl can upload full 900 page psychological files of themselves. MINIMUM profile character limit 30k words lol
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Your writing is always great, I need you to write something to either making us optimistic about the future of the club or to make us realize how much in deep shit we actually are please 😭
Babe, just browse through my La Liga 2022/2023 tag and mourn with me. 💕
#funnily enough I’d say this: we’ve been in deep shit since FOREVER.#the way Barcelona works (ie deep issues within structure and management) goes back DECADES.#we are spectacularly mismanaged and unprofessional on top of having a victim hood complex.#the environment - whether mediatic or politic - surrounding the club is an utter and disfunctional nightmare.#in every club’s environnement there has existed corruption and favouring friends in positions you want them in#but it is especially the case for this club.#needless to say I am not saying all of fcb’s issues stem solely from itself and no exterior factors have ever influenced it.#a historically left wing club / figure head for a region/independentism movement / opposing centralism which controls the league/refs etc.#however as culers we tend to majorly - and rightfully - highlight the latest part without ever daring to question our precious multimil club#both factors (internal and external) have to be taken into account to understand ‘the deep shit’.#that said now. as I’ve said this *is not new*. we’ve had those issues for DECADES and yet this club became what it is today.#we’ve reached highest of highs and lowest of lows while dealing with aforementioned factors.#so my very tired take this evening is to chill out; nothing we can do but watch unfold.#perhaps once again La Masia youngsters and lucky choices of coach will drag us up. perhaps new political president conflict still battling#over cruyff’s heritage or against it will bring forth a good one; perhaps not.#overall a very Chill to us all.#we’re facing greatness and decadence and been on both sides of the coin; and there’s reassurance in knowing in both case we still did great.#this club has been rotting since mid 50s and you just have to roll with it and wait for the cycles to come and go.#anon ask#sorry it doesn’t make much sense rn I’ll talk about it more later. or NOT
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"Hello Mr Holmes," says Wiggins, "have you heard from your brother recently?" "No, I have not, why? What is he up to now?" "We're not entirely certain, but he's been missing since yesterday morning." "He often goes missing Mr Wiggins. He will turn up again."
I just finished playing the final case of Sherlock Holmes Consulting Detective: Baker Street Irregulars and boy howdy it was amazing. If you've never tried this board game, I can't recommend it enough. This final case took us about eight hours to finish, it killed us to put it aside each day unfinished.
"Wiggins," says Mycroft suddenly as we are just on our way out. We turn back and are surprised to see a pleading, almost desperate, look in his eyes. "Find Sherlock," he says, "and find him quickly." Circle the letter H.
#sherlock holmes#mycroft#mycroft holmes#holmes siblings#baker street irregulars#wiggins#sherlock holmes consulting detective game#board game#diogenes club#i just love getting a whole game that focuses on the irregulars they're Very Good and i love them a lot#it was such a cleverly made game it's so satisfying#i already have another box bought and ready to go now that i've finished this one#some cases we rocked and some we totally bombed#but we had an almost perfect score on this last one and i am SO pleased with us#watch me spend this much time on this picture and then impulsively post it at stupid oclock at night when no one will see it#why am i like this#acd holmes#acd mycroft
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one of my mates sent me a demo of theirs earlier today and i just got round to listening to it holy shit my friends are so talented ?????
#once again though i am reminded that anything even remotely influenced by the early 00s#emo/post-hardcore scene is very much up my alley and always will be#but yes i have good musician friends and good writer friends and good photographer friends and one friend that basically runs the media dept#at one of the local non league football clubs all these people have their Thing and here i am with about four#different things i am incredibly passionate about. i may not be as good at them but what i lack in skill#i make up for in heart. i think#anyway before i get too sidetracked. idk how many people got sent this demo but i really hope they try putting a band together for it +#their other stuff. it would go so hard live i can feel it (also i will totally try and squeeze my way in if this becomes a solid project 💀#what can i say i can play both guitar and bass ofc i'd do it)
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i was so set on replaying veilguard for the davrinmance but oh my god im SO attached to my agent-of-fenharel hardingmancer rn i actually think the choice is out of my hands lol
#oc: evander#datv#tay plays datv#datv spoilers#deia's brother btw !!!! very much giving anders vibes if anders was kind of deadbeat oldest son who frequents the club#him having sold out the inquisition on solas's instruction and then falling for one of the scouts who was hurt the most by it#very much a mirror to solavellan except theyre literally just people and ultimately victims of their leader's organizations overarching war#and harding being sympathetic to solas enough to reach evanders conscience even during Peak radicalization#but holding solas accountable enough to potentially sway evanders mind#and then evander learning the truth about solas but also specifically what that means for harding the person hes grown to love#having to reconcile that his own rebel-fantasy is not more important than the very real pain his loved ones have gone thru as a result#and like figuring out what going forward looks like. is he STILL sympathetic but its tempered? or does he go full anti-solas in an act of#redemption which would also probably involve him telling harding to embrace her anger and not her loving side?? which is kind of the invers#of his own arc.#GOD.#AND THEN ITS LIKE. DO I KILL OFF HARDING AT THE END???? THAT WOULD BE SOOOOO CRAZY FOR THE *STORY*#i think she has to live actually bc i hate the fridged wife trope and solas Is ultimately redeemed in this worldstate#and if harding died bc of solas (and evanders varricmancer sister also lost varric) evander WOULD be team kill immediately no exceptions#but still food for thought#god. chat i am fucking COOKING today this is crazy#hes not technically my rook bc he works way better in the story as a ~companion~ to deia (his sister) the actual protag#but both he and matthas (the other pro-inquisition brother) could arguably have been the Rook as well.#all 3 of the mercar siblings were AT the ritual but for different reasons (evander to aid solas. matthas to kill solas. deia to stop him)#so MAYBE I WILL romance harding instead this time...... how are we feeling abt hardings romance babes is it good. do we recommend
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i just don’t understand. why say ur ready to talk if you aren’t?
can u believe this post is what got me to reach tag limit
#vaugepostimg on main about an irl don’t mind me#i just. am feeling sad bcus i have been trying to keep my distance and respect the space they said they needed. and then they reached out to#me for their book club and said we should chat and i got excited! i miss my friend of course i got excited#still let them take the lead. i want them to be comfortable. they said they’d lmk what day they were free#and then proceeded to ghost me for like. almost two weeks??#(it was 10 days but !!! still!!! almost 2 weeks from them suggesting i come to book club which would’ve inherently necessitated an irl talk#and then after all that yesterday said they actually weren’t ready which. hurted#tbf i knew something was up after like 2 days of them not replying so it’s not like i was fully caught off guard it just really hurt#and like i feel weird bcus our social circles are really overlapped and i spent a lot of time with them last winter and i had thought#that would happen again this winter. we would swim together a lot and i consistently went to their house dinners#bcus if i care about you i show up! and i’m understanding ! bcus i am patient and kind person and as a triple taurus i’m not tryna rush ever#especially when it comes to people’s emotions ??? especially if someone has told me i hurt them???? like ik im an autistic lesbian but#despite popular conceptions on that particular identity. im not fucking evil ????? if you ask for space i will give you space !!!!!#and like when it comes to emotions and conflict i’m blunt but i’m caring and it takes a lot for me to be disinfranchised by people#or relationships. so i’m not saying i don’t want to still be her friend#i’m just. noticing behaviors#they did tell me that they were very avoidant in conflict and i told them i’m very much not and like. now that i’m on the receiving end of i#idk what to do!! i’m not gonna chase her down like they’re grown!! and again!!! if you ask for space i’m going to respect that!!!#and like honestly. i’m happy she at least gave me the curtesy of saying they weren’t ready to talk even if it took her mad long to do it#so like. who tf knows when we’ll talk. if ever. probably when she wants the validation of our friendship if it even happens at all#bcus again. she reached out not to reconnect and clear the air but to check if i still wanted to come to her club she was starting#ik in earlier conversations she was worried no one would come but ig she found people. which like good for her tbh but to be honest i feel#discarded?? i’m feeling like i’m failing to not project too much so i gotta stop but idk man i’m just feeling weird about it all#and then i had the thought today of like. is this what i want in a friendship? someone who goes back and forth abt whether or not i’m worth#which again. kinda wasn’t expecting that bcus we spent so much time together last autumn/winter/spring like. many times per week!!!#so the idea of not being her friend all of a sudden?? feels fucjing weird to think about#but like? i don’t want to feel this way this is what i hate about west coast/white people conflict resolution!! there fucking isn’t any!!!#and i can’t deal with that! i can’t spend my life with people who aren’t going to engage with me as a person who cares about them#humans are fallible creatures and were only here on earth for so long so why are we wasting time here? what is the point of all this ???????#but then the guilt and shame say i deserve it all and at that point i just need to stop so. i’m gonna stop now lol
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i'm begging my uni to stop making every fucking student social activity something where you have to walk around a bunch if you are a slow walker who cannot help it they literally want you dead
#i try to walk as fast as i humanly can. which i shouldn't bc it hurts and makes me dizzy. and i'm still slower than everyone else#last week we divided into groups and had to walk to checkpoints around the city to do tasks#i had a friend in my group who knows abt my issues and they walked slower with me which was nice. everyone else walked like 10 20 meters#ahead and it was fucking embarrassing bc for every checkpoint they had to wait for me#and i felt bad my friend couldn't talk to anyone else in the group bc they were zooming way ahead of us and i'm the one who couldn't keep up#and like. they didn't know my body's fucked. but these are people i do not know well at all and maybe i don't wanna disclose my medical#history to everyone i interact with#and like this event wasn't mandatory. i could've skipped it#but it's every fucking time#most nights we end up going to a bar and to these people “walking distance” is like a half an hour. and they walk fast#i can never keep up#i don't reallu enjoy bars either and i don't drink but you just kinda have to endure to socialize. some days i can't handle it tho#this week there's another checkpoint type activity. i know i shouldn't. i know i'm gonna slow everyone down#but i got specifically asked and invited to be a part of a team. i can't remember the last time that happened#also we're doing a group costume and mine includes platform heels on the streets of a very old city i am so cooked#my friend is nice tho. they know the basic lore and check up on me a bunch which always catches me off guard 😭#i'm used to pushing through and also used to people not really taking my shit into consideration so i don't know how to respond sometimes#2 people in the group know the issues and i just sent the gc a “sorry in advance i can't walk very fast” so like what else is there to do#only accessibility info we're ever given is if it's wheelchair accessible. and that's good. like you should do that. but it kinda ends there#like how much walking is there. where are the stops. are there places to sit.#i love having to either push through or be excluded disabilities are awesome#been in soooo much pain lately and have to take breaks walking uphill. functional body#i live in an area where everything. literally everything. is uphill one way or another. so as you can imagine it's going great#also “you have to endure to socialize” as if i don't end up hovering around my friend like a lost puppy with separation anxiety anyway#the group costume is winx club. btw
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pro: ran into a coworker at a bar last night who I don’t really talk to usually (he works upstairs, I work downstairs) and we talked and im pretty sure we were highkey flirting and he bought me a drink and the bar merch shirt i was interested in and thanks to the power of alcohol i guess i asked for his number and he gladly gave it to me and. yeah
con: i have the second worst hangover i have ever had and have been fighting for my fucking life just to eat saltines
#it’s getting better but only now that it’s like. 6pm#as weird as it sounds part of why this sucks is that I volunteered to come into work today cause there’s a concert going on nearby which#usually means we’re at least somewhat busy -> make better tips#and I couldn’t go in because well. you know#I’ve been sick and dying in bed all day unable to move or eat or anything#let alone take the bus and go to work#but. as much as I wish I didn’t go this overboard I don’t totally regret last night cause.#yeah. potential thing going on with cute coworker guy. OH and potential job opportunity at my favorite bar in town#apparently said coworker Also has a job at the bar in addition to where we both work and the bar is hiring barbacks at entry-level#so I have someone to vouch for me and the bartender we were talking to seemed to really want me to apply too#one thing that’s kinda funny to me about all this is that the first two places (a bar then a club) we were at felt really mid because they#were packed with way too many straight people (at a gay bar and a gay club)#but the bar we ended up at (where we ALWAYS end up at. it is the oasis. it is the only thing I can rely on) felt. like. not overwhelmingly#straight? at all? I mean part of it’s just luck in a way with just who happened to be there and all that but it’s also that the staff seem#pretty significantly populated with queer ppl#I complained to the bartender about how the club we were at (one of the biggest gay clubs in the city- if not The biggest) just felt kinda#meh because yeah maybe there were some guys dancing in jockstraps and whatever but the crowd itself like. did not feel largely queer#or at least didn’t have the spirit I’d hope for in a queer space if that makes sense. felt very conventional. not enough wild outfits and#makeup and gender fuckery and so on#and the bartender was like dude I KNOW right? I went off outside there once about the invasion of cishets when this space isn’t FOR them#and so on and so forth. and god that was So real.#so the experience at my beloved bar last night was like. 1) guy comes up behind me just to order a drink but i was saving a seat for my#friend who was in the bathroom and mentioned that in case he was looking to take the seat. chatted a little. ended with him pointing out#that a guy nearby was trying to holla at me.#2) I look over and yes. the dj is. in fact. looking directly at me and mouthing the lyrics to whatever song was playing pointed my way.#it was pretty sweet honestly I think it was partly cause I looked like I was shy and alone#3) whatever gay shit was going on with my coworker and i. amusingly he seems to get more flamboyant when he drinks just like i do.#im not 100% sure what his sexuality is but i Am 100% sure it is Not straight. but yeah. if it hadn’t been so close to closing time ive been#hardcore wondering where that would’ve gone. maybe its for the best that i had to go when i did cause i was pretty drunk and who knows when#I could’ve hit the amount of drunk it takes to like outright say hey just so you know i’d suck your dick right now if you wanted
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